Lenny Bruce & George Carlin on Jews for Jesus

(an inter-active satire with live hyper-links)

George: Hey Lenny, have you seen Jesus? I've got a question for him. Lenny: Hes never here on weekends, he ALWAYS goes to the Parallel Universe of Tikkun olam. George: Why is that? Lenny: Quantum Mechanics and Communion, every Sunday hed get all sorts of afflictions if he stuck around, you know, the creating reality thing. George: There has to be a joke in this, right? Lenny: Its actually worse than youd want to think, since the evangelists put words in his mouth to eat Jesus' body and drink his blood, the liberal Christians give him hives and if that werent bad enough, then youve got the rightwing pinheads coming down with this cannibal smack, oops, I meant snack .. all taking a bite out of him, the ultraright parasite Catholics give him ringworm, the fascist parasitic Protestants give him scabies.. George: Rosicrucians? Lenny: Rosacia! George: Holy fuck, no wonder he bails out of the heavens on weekends..

Lenny: Yeah, its like why I left Brooklyn, Hasidics and little boy butt-fuckery .. all these guys looking like Bavarians in bowler hats with pig-tails in the wrong places, I mean cmon, wherever you see anything like that, you know something is perverted.. George: Well, I was going to ask him a question, maybe you can help me out. What is up with this Jews for Jesus thing? Lenny: You mean Jews for Jewdas? I mean, here are right wing evangelical Jews praying like Pentecostals for the Jews to be destroyed so they can rebuild the Jewish temple in Jerusalem, call it Christian and get Jesus back .. wheres the sense in that? George: Well, I was wondering about the makes sense part .. I mean, here are Jews trying to covert people into right-wing Christians, and it was right wing Christians had stamped out six million Jews already .. Id run across this blog These Jews need Jesus .. theres a joke in there somewhere, right? Lenny: Oh yeah, imagine sending a bunch of homosexualpedophile Hasidic Jews to a straight Puritan chapter of Heaven where no kids are allowed, thered be a serious riot. As if these fascist Puritans wanted to be outed as well, the schumks! George: Actually, thats a GREAT idea.. uh.. Lenny, how many times were you arrested?