AnHeirForTheMillionaire JuliaJames&CaroleMortimer

Hewillclaimwhatisrightfullyhis! Withawolfishsmileandasexyglintinhiseye,heneverfailstoachievethe impossible. Whenhediscoversheisabouttobecomeafather,thisproud,determined millionairewillstopatnothingtoclaimhisheirandhiswoman! TwogorgeousmencalledXander,twoexplosivestories! Treatyourselftoadoseofpurepassion,dramaandexcitement,broughttoyou bytwoofyourfavoritePresentsauthors,JuliaJamesandCaroleMortimer.

CONTENTS THEGREEKANDTHESINGLEMOM JuliaJames PROLOGUE CHAPTERONE CHAPTERTWO CHAPTERTHREE CHAPTERFOUR CHAPTERFIVE CHAPTERSIX

CHAPTERSEVEN CHAPTEREIGHT CHAPTERNINE EPILOGUE THEMILLIONAIRESCONTRACTBRIDE CaroleMortimer CHAPTERONE CHAPTERTWO CHAPTERTHREE CHAPTERFOUR CHAPTERFIVE CHAPTERSIX CHAPTERSEVEN CHAPTEREIGHT CHAPTERNINE CHAPTERTEN CHAPTERELEVEN CHAPTERTWELVE CHAPTERTHIRTEEN CHAPTERFOURTEEN

THEGREEKANDTHESINGLEMOM JuliaJames PROLOGUE CLAREtookadeepbreathandwalkedforwardintothedimlylitcocktailbar. Softmusicissuedfromthewhitepianointhecorner,andshevaguelyrecognised anoldnumberfromthefifties.Butshepaiditnoattention,headinginsteadfor thenearesttable,setlowandsurroundedbydeepleathereasychairsdesignedto soothethebodiesofbesuitedbusinessmen,wearyfromaharddaysworkinthe corridorsofpower. Hermouthtwistedslightly.Thosecorridorsandtheboardroomsandsuites thatopenedoffthemmightdemandlonghours,buttheyalsoawardeda deluxelifestyletothosewhostalkedthem.Bespokesuits,handmadeshoes, perfectgrooming,andtheabilitytopayexorbitantpriceswithaflickofa platinumcreditcard. AsClareapproachedthetable,aroundwhichaclusterofsuitseasedbackinthe armchairs,asoft,throatylaughmadeherturnherheadslightly.Alittleway away,atanothertable,acouplesatonasofa,drinksinhand.Itwasnottheman whohadlaughedsoseductively,buthisfemalecompanion.Forabriefmoment Clareallowedherselftolook.Eveninthesoftlightingshecouldseethatthe womanwasverybeautiful,withchichair,expertlystyled,andimmaculate makeup.Herdresswasadesignernumber,andclungtoherlissomform.As shegavehersoftlaugh,shecrossedherlong,sheerstockingedlegs,andone elegantlymanicuredhandhoveredoverhercompanionsthigh. AlittlestabwentthroughClare.Shelookedaway. Ishouldnthavetakenthisjob.Iknewitwasamistake! Forfourlongyearsshehadkeptawayfromplaceslikethis.Theworldshelived innowwasinadifferentuniverse.Steppingbackintothislush,expensive environmentwasnotsomethingshehadwantedtodo. Itbroughtbacktoomanymemories. Andthebriefglimpseofthatdesignerclothedfemalehadintensifiedthem.

WasIeverreallylikethat? Itseemedimpossibleandyetwithherbrainsheknewitwastrue.Shetoo, once,alifetimeago,hadbeenlikethatwoman.Beautifullyclothed,immaculately madeup,elegantandchic. Sheinhaledsharply.Whatdiditmatterthatthisplacebroughtbackthepast? Memoriesshedidntwantanddidntwelcome.Shewasheresimplybecauseit wasthebestwayshehadofmakingtheextramoneysheneededifher determinationtotakeJoeyandherfriendVionholidaythatsummerwasto succeed.Eveningworkwastheonlykindthatwaspossible,andwaitingcocktail tablesinthisswishnewhotel,recentlyopenedonanarterialroadenrouteto HeathrowinWestLondon,abusrideawayfromwhereshelivedwithVi,hadto bealotbetterthanworkinginapub,orinherlocalpizzaparlour. Asforthememoriesitsluxurytriggeredwell,tough.Herchinlifted.Shed havetogetoverit. Theuncompromisinginjunctionresonatedinherhead.Getoverit.Oneofthe toughestselfhelpcommandmentsaroundandyetithadhelpedher,sheknew, duringthosefourlongyears.Yearswhenshedhadtocompletelychangeher lifenotjustherlifestyle,butsomethingfarmoreprofound.Farmoredifficult. No.Dontgothere! Thatwasanothermaximshedhadtorigidlyclingto.Dontgotherewherein herdreams,heryearnings,shelongedtogo.Backintothepast.Apastthatached likeanold,deep,unhealablewound. Or,worse,dontgointoapresentthatdidnotexistaparalleluniverseof longinganddesirethatwasconjuredupoutofherdeepestplaces,wherethe choiceshehadmadehadbeenquite,quitedifferent. Well,Ididntmakethatchoice!Ichoseadifferentway.Anditwastherightway tochoosetheonlyway. Howeverhardthechoicehadbeen,itwouldhavebeenfarworseifshehadnt madeit.Shedpaidthepriceforherdecision,andeventothinkofitwas agonisingjustagonising. Herownvoiceinterruptedherpainfulthoughts.

Goodevening,gentlemenwhatmayIgetyoutodrink? Paintingabright,attentivesmileonherface,shelistenedandnoddedand scribbledasfastasshecould,hopingshewasgettingitdownright.Sheheaded backtothebartorelaytheorder. DoingOK?askedTony,oneofthebarmen,congenially. Ihopeso,Clarerepliedcautiously. Hewasnttoknowthatitwasnotjustherbeingnewtothejobthatwasmaking hercautious.Thatthewholeexpensiveambienceoftheplacewasdisturbingher. Threateningherwithmemoriesofalifeshehadonceled,andwhichwasgone forever.Atleastshedneverbeenatthisplacebefore;shewasmorefamiliar withtheclassicdeluxehotels,liketheSavoyinLondonandthePlazainNew York.Thishotelwastoonew,tooimpersonal,notatallthekindthat Shespottedacustomerbeckoningherandhurriedacross,gladofthedistraction. Glad,too,thatshewaskeptonherfeetwithoutrespiteastheeveningworeon. Herfeetintheunaccustomedhighheelswerestartingtoache,butapartfroma coupleofconfusingmomentsregardingcomplicatedcocktailsshewasbasically coping,shethought.Shewascarefulalwaystokeepherphysicaldistancefrom theguests,butbyandlargeshewasntgettinganyhassle. Butthen,ofcourse,sheacknowledged,withpartreliefandpartlyalittlepang, theclosestshegottoabeautytreatmentthesedayswasfilingahangnail Butwhatdidshecare?shethoughtfiercely.Joeydidntgiveahootifherhair wasjusttiedbackinautilitarianplait,orifherfacewasbareofmakeup.Allhe wantedwasherattentionandherlove. Andhegotbothininfiniteamounts. EvenasshethoughtofJoeyherhandautomaticallywenttoherapronpocket. Hermobilewason,buttherehadbeennopeepfromit.Vistillfoundittrickyto useamobile,butshedmadeagallantefforttolearn,andhadfaithfully promisedtocallClareifJoeysurfacedandwasdistressedatherabsenceinany way.But,withluck,Joeywasagoodsleepernow,andoncehewentoffhewas usuallyfineuntilmorning.

Shehandedroundthedrinksshedjustcollectedfromthebar,spottedanotherof hertablesstartingtodisperse,andkeptaneyeonthemtoseeifshewasgoingto getatip.Thewages,likeallinthislineofwork,werehardlybrilliant,andtips wereimportant,likeitornot.Everypennycounted,andeverypennywasgoing intotheHolidayJarthatwould,sheferventlyhoped,takeherandJoeyandVito theseasideinthesummer. Ashadowformedinhereyes. IffatehaddealtheradifferentcardtheredbenosuchthingastheHolidayJar Butitwasnousethinkingthatway.Shehadmadetherightchoice,theonly choice. Thisway,thoughJoeymightonlybethefatherlesschildofyetanother impoverishedsinglemother,wearingclothesoutofcharityshopsandekinga living,thatwasstillinfinitelybetterthanbeingthealternativetheunwanted bastardofaGreektycoonandhisdiscarded,despairingmistress CHAPTERONE XANDERANAKETOSstifledhisimpatiencewithacivil,ifbriefsmileatthe manbesidehim.RichardGardnerwasoftheschoolofbusinessmenwho consideredthateverydealshouldbesealedwithadrinkandanexpensivemeal. Xanderhadnotimeforsuchniceties.Theinvestmenthedjustagreedin principletomakeinGardnerscompanywouldbemutuallyprofitable,andthe detailswouldbehammeredoutbytheirrespectivesubordinates.NowXander waseagertobegone.Hehadplansfortheeveningwhichdidnotinclude makingsmalltalkwithRichardGardner.However,hehadnowishtosnubthe olderman,andbesides,hisotherbusinesswouldwaitforhim. Theyalwayswaitedforhim. SonjadeLislewasnoexception. Oh,shemightpoutforafewminutes,butitwouldntlast.Soonshewouldbe purringalloverhim.Hepulledhismindaway.Bestnottolethisthoughtsgoto Sonjawhenhehaddinnertogetthroughfirst. Andbeforethatadrinkinthecocktailloungewhiletheyperusedthemenu.

Astheguest,XanderletGardnerchoosewheretosit,andtookhisplace accordingly.Heglancedround,concealingthedisparagementinhiseyes.This wasnotahotelhewouldhavechosentopatronise,buthecouldappreciatethat itwasconvenientforthebusinessparkwhereGardnerscompanywassitednear Heathrow.But,forhimself,hepreferredhotelstohavemoreclass,more prestigeusuallymoreantiquity.Helikedclassic,worldfamoushotels,likethe Ritz,Claridges,theStJohn. Memoryflickered.HerarelywenttotheStJohnnow. Likeastilettoslidinginbetweenhissynapses,animagecameintohismind. Blondehair,curvinginasmoothswatheoveroneshoulder,diamondstudsset intotenderlobes,longdarklashesandcoolgreygreeneyes. Eyesthatwerelookingathimwithoutemotion.Afaceheldverystill. Afacehehadnotseenagain. Hethrusttheimageaside.Therewasnopointrememberingit. Abruptlyhereachedforthemenuthathadbeenplacedonthelowtableinfront ofthemandflickeditopen,makinghisselectionwithoutgreatenthusiasm. Snappingitshut,hetosseditdownonthetableagainandlookedaround impatiently.Hecoulddowithadrink.Didthisplacenotruntowaitresses? Therewasoneatableorsoawayfromthemwithherbacktohim.Hekepthis eyeonher,readytobeckon.Hecouldseehernodding,slidinghernotepadinto herpocket. Sheturnedtowardsthebar.Xanderheldupanimperioushand.Shecaughtthe gestureandaltereddirection. Thenshestoppeddead. Clarecouldfeelthebloodandallsensationslowlydrainingoutofherbody.It emptiedfromherbrain,herlimbs,everypartofher,drainingdownthrough everyvein,everynerve. Andinitsplaceonlytwothings.

Disbelief. Andmemory. Memory Poisonous.Toxic.Deadly. Andcompletelyoverwhelming. Shewasdraggedinitswake,down,down,downthroughthesuckingvortexof time. Downintothepast Xanderwaslate. Restlessly,Clarepacedupanddown.Sheshouldbynowbeusedtohimarriving whenhewantedto,butthistimeitwashardertobear.Alotharder.Shecould feelnervespinchinginherstomach.Everymusclewastightlyclenched. AmIreallygoingtotellhim? Thequestionstunginhermindforthethousandthtime.Fortwoweeksithad beengoingroundandroundinherhead.Andwitheverycirculationsheknew thattherewasonlyoneanswercouldonlybeoneanswer. Ivegottotellhim.Icantnot. Andeverytimeshetoldherselfthatshewouldfeelthefamiliarfloodofanxiety poolinginherinsidesthefamiliardread. Ifshecorrectedherselfwhenshetoldhim,howwouldhetakeit? Automatically,inherhead,shefeltherselfstarttoprayagain.Please,pleaselet himtakeitthewayIsodesperatelywanthimto!Please! Butwouldhe?Likealawyer,shetriedtoshoreupherpositionasbestshecould, mentallyarrangingallherargumentslikeducksinarow. Ivelastedlongerthantheothers.Thathastobeagoodsign,doesntit?

XanderAnaketosneverkepthismistresseslong.Sheknewthat.Hadknownit sincebeforethatfatefulnightwhenshehadjoinedtheirlong,longlist.Butshe hadntcared.Hadntcaredthathershelflifeinhisbedwaslikelytobeinthe orderofsixmonths,ifthat.Hadntcaredeventhatshedgotthatfactfromoneof themostreliablesourcesforsuchinformationherpredecessor.AimeeDecord hadwarnedherstraight.Thewomanhadbeendrunk,Clareknew,thoughithad hardlyshowedexceptfortheslightestswayinginherelegantwalk,theslightest lackoffocusinherdark,beautifuleyes. Enjoyhim,cherie,shedsaidtoClare,takingyetanothersipofheralwaysfull champagneflute.YoullbegonebyChristmas.Hersmilehadalmosthada touchofpityinit,aswellasmalice.Andsomethingmoresomethingthathad notbeenjealousy,butsomethingthathadchilledClareevenmorethanjealousy wouldhave.Adespairinghunger ButAimeeDecordhadbeenwrong.ClarehadnotbeengonebyChristmas. Indeed,shedspenttheholidaywithXanderinDavos,skiing.Justasshedspent thelasttwoweeksofJanuaryintheCaribbean,andEasterinParis.Followedby atourofNorthAmerica,takinginNewYork,Chicago,SanFrancisco,Vancouver andTorontoahecticschedulewhichhadwhirledheralonginthewakeofone businessmeetingafteranother.ThenithadbeenbacktoEurope,asojournin Parisagain,thenGeneva,Milan,anotherbrief,butsoverypreciousholidayin theCaribbean,andbacktoLondon. Sixmonthsninemonths.Nearlyayear.Verynearlyayear. Infact,Clareknewtothedaythenight!thatinthreeweeksitwouldbetheir anniversary.Andbythenoh,please,sweetGodbythenshewouldhave moretocelebratethanthat. Shewentonpacingrestlessly.Nervesstillpinching.Stillrunningthroughthe tangled,shadowyfantasiesthatmightormightnotprovetrue. ItwasntjustthatshedlastednearlytwiceaslongasothermistressesofXander Anaketos.Orthathehadneverinstalledherinanapartment,ashehadthe others,preferringthatsheshouldaccompanyhimonhisconstanttravelstothe continentsonwhichheconductedhiscomplexandneverendingbusinessaffairs inthemysteriousandarcanerealmofinternationalfinance.Clareknewnothing aboutit,anddidnotenquire,havingrealisedveryearlyonthatwhenXander

didfinallyclockofffrombusinesshewantednomorediscussionofituntilhe wasrecalledtoitsdemands. Therewasanotherfantasy,mostpreciousofall,thathadcametruerecently,and whichshenowhuggedtoherselfwithadesperatehope. Theirlasttimetogether,nearlyafortnightago,hadbeendifferent.Shedknown itfeltit.Atfirstshedthoughtitwasonlyherself,suffused,asshehadbeen, bodyandheart,withtheknowledgethatshepossessedaboutwhathad happenedtohersocompletelyandabsolutelyunexpectedly,andyetso thrillingly. Butthechangehadnotjustbeeninher,sheknewknew.Xanderhadbeen differenttoo.Oh,hedbeenaspassionateasever,asvoraciousinhisdesiresand needs,andasdedicatedtofulfillingherownphysicalneeds,desires.Butthere hadbeensomethingmoremorethancouldbeaccountedformerelybecausehe hadnotseenherfortendaysandhad,themomenthedsteppedthroughthe door,tossedasidehisbriefcaseandsweptherintohisarms,carryingheroffto hisbedevenwhilehewasremovingherclothesanddevastatingherwithhis kisses,thekissesofamandeprivedfortoolongofwhathemostwanted. Theflameshadconsumedthem,astheyalwaysdid,bathingthemlikewrithing salamandersinthefireofpassion.Butafterwardsah,afterwardsClareshut hereyes,shiveringwithrememberedemotion.Hehadgoneonholdingher, tightly,closely,fervently.Hishandhadslidaroundherhead,spearingthrough herhair,pressingherintohisshoulder,whilehisotherarmhadwrappedaround herlikeaclamp.Shehadheard,againstherbreast,thetumultuouspoundingof hisheart,feltherownbeatingagainsthis. HehadsaidwordstoherinGreekandthenfallensilent.Shedgoneonlying crushedagainsthim,herheartsofull,sofull.Thenhishandhadleftherwaist, andhisotherhandthebackofherhead,andhehadshiftedtocupherheadwith bothhishands,oneeitherside,andshedhalfliftedherselffromhim. Shedgazeddownintohisface.Thefacesheknewsointimately,soabsolutely. Everyline,everyplane,everyleancontour,everysootylash,everyindentation aroundhissculpted,mobilemouth.Hedstaredintohereyesfromthedepthsof hisowndark,midnighteyes,andtherehadbeensomethinginthewayhed lookedatherthathadmadeherheartturnslowlyover.

HedsaidanotherwordinGreek.Shehadntknownwhatitmeant,hadntcared, hadonlygazeddownintohiseyes,herheartslowlyturningover,likeasatellite inspace,dissociatedfromthecommonearth. Itwasthatlook,thatlong,endlessexchange,thatsheclungtonow.Ithad becomeasymbol,abeaconthatshewasnowabouttotestherfateupon. Hecaresforme.Iknowhedoes.Itsnotjusttheconsiderationofalover,the conventionalcourtesyofamantowardshismistress.Itsmorethanthat. Howmuchmoreshedidnotknow,darednothope.Buttherewassomething thereaseed,nothingmoreasyet,butenough,oh,enoughforhertofeaston! Butshemustnotfeastshemustbefrugalinherhope.Andshemustnot,must not,seektoharvestitbeforeithadtimetogrow,blossomtofruition. Automaticallyshepausedinherpacing,liftingherhandtoherabdomen,and placingitthere.Shefelt,asalways,emotionwellingupinher.Somuch dependedonthatharvest. Ifhecaresformethenitwillbeallright.Itwillallbeallright. Butwhatifshewerewrong?Chillshudderedthroughher. Toomuchdependedonhisreaction.Herwholelife.Herwholefuture. Andnotjusthers. Again,inaninstinctivegestureasoldastime,shecuppedherabdomen. Itwillbeallright,shewhisperedtoherself. Clarewentofftothekitchentomakeherselfacupofcalmingherbtea.The kitchenfearsomelymodernstillmadeherbreathcatchwhenevershewentin. SodidthewholeapartmentbutthensodidXandersapartmentinParis,not justtheonehereinLondon,andtheoneinManhattan. Shestillfounditstrangethatheseemedtohavenofixedabodeanywhere. Nowherehecalledhome.

Butthen,neitherdidshe.Sinceherfathersdeathtwoyearsagoshehadhadno home.Bothherparentshadbeenonlychildren,andhermotherhaddiedwhen shewasthirteen.Thetragedyhadthrownherandherschoolteacherfathervery closetogether,andhisdeathfromalongdrawnoutcancer,whenshewas twenty,hadbeendevastating. Andithadmadehervulnerable.Susceptible.Withthedeathofherfathershe hadbeenentirelyonherown.Shehadgonebacktocollege,herstudieshaving beeninterruptedwhenherfathersillnesshaddemandedfulltimecare,buther hearthadnotbeeninthem.ShehadgonetoLondon,preferringtheanonymity ofahugecity,farawayfromeverythingfamiliarandpainful.Thecasualcome andgoofcitylifehadsuitedher,teemingwithpeople,noneofthemimportant toher,orhertothem.Shehadtakentemporaryjobs,undemandingand unimportant,heremotionscompletelyonholdafterallthetraumaofherfathers death. Andthen,withouttheslightestexpectation,heremotionshadsprungtolife again.Vividly,terrifyinglyalive.Aliveineverynerve,everysense,every shimmeringawareness. Becauseofoneman.Shecouldrememberinabsolutedetailthemomentshehad firstseenhim. Clarehadbeensentbyhertempingagencytocoverforasickreceptionist,and onherveryfirstday,asshewassittingbehindaplush,moderniststyledesk,a coveyofsuitedmenhadswunginthroughthedoors.Hereyeshadgonetothem automaticallyandstalled. Themanatthecentreofthegrouphadbeenthemostarrestingmaleshehad everseenshehadntbeenabletotakehereyesfromhim. Hedbeentall,easilysixfoot,andlithe,andlean.Hissuithadbeenfantastically cut,makinghimlooksmoothandsvelteanddevastating.Andthatwaseven beforeshedregisteredtherestofhim. Thesablehair,thetannedMediterraneanskin,thejawdroppinglygoodlooking features. Andtheeyes. Eyestodrownin.

Hehadwalkedrightpastherwithhisentourage,unchallengedbythesecurity guard,whohadmerelysaidinarespectfultone,Goodafternoon,MrAnaketos. Butjustashedswungpasther,sittingtherestaringathim,hisheadhad suddenlymovedminutelyandbroughthisgazetoher.Abruptly,instinctively, shehadtwistedherheadaway Theyhadgonepast,andshehadbreathedoutagain,notevenawaretillthen thatshedbeenholdingherbreath. Shehadfeltaliveforthefirsttimeinalong,longtime.Asifshehadwokenfrom alongsleep Ithadbeenstupid,sheknew,tohavedonethereafterwhatshehaddone.Shed beenawomanrenderedincapableofbehavingrationally,butshehaddoneitall thesame.ShehadletXanderAnaketosseduceher. Andhehaddoneitwithaswiftnessthathadcutthegroundoutfromunderher feet.BeforetheweekwasoutshehadbeenflyingtoGenevawithhim.Howhad hedoneit?Shestilldidnotknow.Shehaddoneherbestnottoreacttohim whenevershehadseenhim,andevenwhenhehadpausedbythereceptiondesk tohaveawordwiththesecurityguardshehadassiduouslypaidattentiononly tohercomputerscreen.Yetonthedayshedbeenduetofinishtheposting,she hadbeensummonedbyphonetoXandersexecutiveofficeonthetopfloor, wherehehadcoollyinvitedhertodinnerthatnight. Shehadstaredblankly. ImafraidIdontthinkshehadbegun.Thenstopped.Herchesthadseemed tight.XanderAnaketoshadbeenlookingather.Shedfelthertoesstarttomelt intohershoes. Soshehadgone. Andfromdinnershehadgonetohisbed. Shouldshehavedoneit?Donesomethingshehadneverdonebeforesleptwith amanonherveryfirstdatewithhim?Shehad.Shehadgonetohisapartment, hisbed,asunhesitatinglyasifshedhadnoconsciousthought.Butthenshe hadnthadanyconsciousthoughtaboutit.Ithadbeeninstinct,anurge,an overwhelming,irresistibledesire,thathadmadeitimpossible,utterly impossible,tosayno,tostoptheevening,tobackawayfromhim.

Soshehadnt.Shedbeenabletodonothingbutstandthere,herwholebody tremblingwithanintensitythatshehadnever,everexperiencedbefore,while XanderAnaketoswalkedacrosshisvastapartmentloungetowardsherandslid onehandaroundthenapeofherneck,caressingitlightly,ohsolightly,so sensuously,whilehisotherhandslidlong,skilledfingersintoherhairanddrew hermouthtohis. Shehaddrowned.Fathomsdeep. Fallingdeep,deepintothatwondrous,blissfulworldshestilldweltinnow. Ordidshe?Again,thestrainedlookhauntedhereyesagain.LivingwithXander wasblissbutitcamewithaprice.Shehadlearntswiftlytostartpayingthat price.LearntitthefirsttimeshehadtakenXandershandinaspontaneous gestureofaffectioninpublic.Hehaddisengagedandgoneontalkingtothe personhedbeenspeakingto.Shehadntdoneitagain.Nordidsheeverputher handonhissleeve,orleanagainsthim,orshowanyothersimilardemonstration ofaffection.Shehadlearntnottodoso,adoptinginsteadthecoolcomposure thatheevidentlypreferred.Inprivatehewaspassionatethrillinglyso!taking herinasensualstorm,timeaftertime,leavingheroverwhelmedwithemotion. Yeteveninthatwhiteoutofexquisitesensation,andintheexhausted,replete aftermathasshelaylimpinhisarms,sheknewbetterthantosaytohimwhat herhearturgedhertosay. Thatshewas,andhadbeenevenfromtheirveryfirsttimetogether,hopelessly inlovewithhim. Butshecouldnevertellhim.Sheknewthatandacceptedit.Hewasamanwho wasessentiallyaloner,sherecognised.Hehadmadehisownwayinlife,she knew,amassinghisfortunethroughskill,daringandformidablefinancial acumen.Broughtupbyanelderlyuncle,aprofessorofmathsataprovincial Greekuniversity,whohaddiedsomeyearsago,Xanderhadputhisenergies intohiswork.ClareknewthatforXanderwomenwereonlyforrecreationand sexualpleasure,fleetingcompanionship,nothingmore.Hedidnotwant emotionalattachment.Letalonelove. Butintheyeartheyhadbeentogetherhehadshownnosignofrestlessnesswith her,nosignofgrowingboredandwearyofher.Itwasthereverse,ifanything especiallythatlast,mostprecioustimewhentheydmadelove.Shehadsensed inthedepthsofherbeingthatsomethingwasdifferentbetweenthem.

Shefeltherheartcatchagain.Fillwithhopeagain.Surelyshewasmorethanjust thelatestinhisendlessparadeofmistresseswho,asshehadsoswiftlylearned, neverengagedhimformorethanahandfulofmonthsatatime?Hefoundit hardtoexpresshisemotions,sheknew,preferringpassionandsensualitybut thatdidnotmeanhedidnotfeelthem!Didnotmeanhefeltnothingforher beyondphysicalattraction! Againshereplayedinhermindthememoryofhowhehadbeendifferentlast time,howhehadheldher,gazedintohereyes,spokenthosewordstoherin GreekthathehadneversaidbeforeAndyetagaincamehope,searingand urgent. Therewasthesoundoftheapartmentdooropening.Shefeltherheartleap,then quiver,hereyesgoingimmediatelytowherehewouldwalkintothereception room. Andthenhewasthere,pausedintheentrance,hisfiguretallandfamiliar, makingherbreathcatchinherlungsasitalwaysdid,everytimeshesawhim againafteranabsence. Forasecondhereyeslit,andforthebriefestmomentshewassureshesawan answeringexpressioninhiseyes. Thenitwasgone. DelaysatJFK,hesaid.Thenthemotorwaywasjammed.Xandergavean irritatedshakeofhisheadandsethisbriefcasedownonthesideboard. Clarestood,poisedinthecentreoftheroom.Heturnedtolookather.Fora secondtherewasthatlookinhiseyesagain,andthenitwasgoneoncemore. Illtakeashower,thenwecangooutandeat,hesaid. Hereyesflickered.Youdontwanttoeathere? Hegaveanothercursoryshakeofhishead.IvereservedtheStJohn. Oh.Thatslovely,Clareanswered.

ItmightbelovelytherestaurantattheStJohnhadbecomeoneofher favouritesbutitwasalsounusual.UsuallywhenXandergotbackfromabroad hepreferredtoeatin. Aftersweepingherofftobed Shelookedathimuncertainly.Hewaslooseningtheknotofhistie,buthemade nomovetowardsher.Instead,heheadedtothebedroom. Fixmeadrink,willyou,Clare?hecalled. Sheheadedbacktothekitchenandextractedachilledbottleofbeerfromthe fridge,openingitcarefullyandfillingaglass.Shemadeherwaydowntotheen suitebathroom.Hewasalreadyintheshowercubicle,andshecouldseehistall, nakedbodydimlybehindthescreenthroughthesteam.Hewaswashinghishair andhadhisbacktoher. Shelefthisdrinkonthevanity,andwentintothebedroom.Iftheyweregoingto theStJohnshedbetterdressaccordingly. ShehadlearntveryearlyonthatXanderdidnotcaretobekeptwaiting.Hewas neveruncivil,butshecouldsensehisirritation.Theirritationofarichmanwho didnthavetowaitforthings,orpeople.Includingherself.Sonowshesimply slippedonadarkgreensheath,oneofherfavourites,brushedoutherhairand retouchedhermakeup.Thenshesteppedbacktocheckherappearance. Thefamiliarsvelte,classicallybeautifulimagelookedbackatherhairsmooth, makeuprestrained,coolandcomposed. Shewasstillextremelyslim.Nothingshowedatall.Yetshecouldfeeladistinct tightnessinthedressfabricthatwasnoticeableonlybytouch,notsight. Instinctively,yetagain,sheslippedherhandacrossherabdomen.Protectively. Cherishingly.Asoftlookcameintohereyes. Oh,letitbeallrightplease,pleaseletitbeallright! TheStJohnsthreeMichelinstarredrestaurantwasasbusyasever,butfor XanderAnaketosoneofthebestpositionedtableswasalwaysavailable.Itwas setback,inaquieterspot,althoughthehushedtonesoftheotherdinersmade anyoneelsesconversationquiteinaudible.

Theytooktheirplaces,andClareknewthattheeyesofthewomentherehad gonetoXanderbecausewomenseyesalwaysdid.Andsodidhers.Afterten daysofhisabsence,justdrinkinginhisface,hisfeatures,runninghereyesover thehighsliceofhischeekbones,lingeringonthewayhissablehairfeathered,the waythelinesaroundhismouthindented,wasbliss. Shewasgladnowhehadnotsweptherofftobed.Inthatsensualecstasyshe mightnothavebeenabletocontrolherfeelingsforhim,andintheaftermathshe mighthavebeentempted,oh,sotempted,totellhimwhathadhappened.Butit wouldnothavebeentherighttime,sheknew.Hismind,whenhewasinbed withher,wasonsexitwasnaturalforaman,afterallandafterwardsanother hungerwouldtakeprecedence,andhewouldsuddenlywantdinner.No.Better, sheknew,tolethimeatnow,relax,chillfromtheirritationsoftheflightandlet hismoodmellow.Andthen,overbrandy,shewouldtellhim.Itwouldbe perfect. Thefamiliarstabofanxietycameagain,butshedispelledit.Therewasnopoint indoingotherwise.Shemustthinkthebest,hopethebest.Andinthemeantime shemustmakeiteasyforhimtorelax.Soshedidwhatshealwaysdidwas poisedandcomposed,chattinglightly,onlyinanswertohim,notplaguinghim, givinghimtimetoeat,toletthefinewinesslipdownhisthroat,makingno demandsonhim. Hewaspreoccupied,shecouldsee.Thatwasnotunusualinitself.Thedemands ofhisworkwereimmense,theconvolutionsofhismyriaddealsand negotiations,investmentsandfinancialmanoeuvringsintricateandlabyrinthine. Intheearlydaysshehadaskedhimabouthiswork,fortheworldof internationalfinancewascompletelystrangetoher.Shedlookedabituponthe Internetandinnewspapers,totryandbelessofanignoramus,butwhenshed askedhimaboutthingshedeitherlookedwrylyatherortoldherthathehad enoughofitalldayandwantedtorelaxnow.Soshedacceptedthatand changedthesubject. Hereyesflickeredtohimagain,ashefocussedonhisentre.Yes,hewas definitelypreoccupied,hismindsomewhereelse.Quietly,shegotonwithher meal.Shewashungry.Eatinginthemorningsnowhadlittleappeal,butbythe eveningshehadworkedupanappetite.However,shewasverycautiousabout whatshedrankhersingleglassofwinewasstillhalffull,andshewasonly takingtinysipsfromit.Shehadntmadeabigdealoutofit,andXanderhadnt remarkedonit.Usuallyshedrankaglassofwhite,andthenred,andsometimes

hadasmallliqueurafterwards,whilehenursedabrandy.Tonightshewould makedowithcoffeeonly. Hermind,shefound,wasrunningon.Shewouldneedtobuyagood comprehensivemanual,sheknew,andstartfindingouteverythingthatwas goingtobeinstoreforhernow.Itwassuchacomplicated,overwhelming process,withherbodyandherpsychegoingthroughsuchprofoundchanges. Physically,shefeltwonderfulexceptforthatdistinctreluctancetoeatfirst thingbutthatmightwellchange,sheknew,overthecomingmonths. Anotherwaveofuneasewentthroughher.Herfigurewouldchangetotally, obviously,andwhatwouldXanderthink?Shedalwaysbeensoslim,soslender. Howwouldhetaketheswellingofherbody?Well,shewouldcopewithitwhen thetimecame.Itwasonlyinthelasttrimesterthattheweightreallypiledon, anduntilthen,ifshekeptfit,assheobviouslymustnow,sheshouldnotlooktoo bad.Hereyessoftened.Xandermightactuallyfindherroundednessappealing Again,hopepiercedher. Themealcontinued,withbothofthemrefusingdessert,andXanderordering coffeeandliqueurs. Justcoffeeforme,please.Claresmiledatthewaiter. ShefeltXanderseyesflickeroverheramoment.Thenitwasgoneagain. Thecoffeearrived,withhiscustomarycognac,andthewaiterdepartedagain. Therestaurantwasthinningoutnow,thehushedvoicesmoresubdued.She watchedasXandercradledhisglassinhislongfingersandswirleditabsently, hiseyesgoingtotheslowcoiloftopazliquidwithin. Shefeltherpulsequickenandtookabreath.Nowshemusttellhim.Itwasthe rightmoment.Shemustnotputitoff.Nothingwouldbegainedbydoingso.Yet foraninstantshedesperatelydidnotwanttosayanything!Wantedtoputitoff, procrastinate,delaywhatshemusttellhim. Sheopenedhermouth,hisnameformingonherlips. Clare. Hisvoicecamebeforehers.Hername.Clipped,pronounced.

Slowlyhermouthclosed,andshelookedathim.Inside,emotionswarred.One wasdismaythathehadspokenjustasshewasgoingtobuttheotherwas sneakingandsly.Shedidnthavetotellhimjustyet Hereyesrestedonhimexpectantly,waitingforhimtocontinue.Buttherewasa hesitationabouthimsomethingshewasnotusedtoseeing. Yes?sheprompted.Hervoicewascool,composed,thewayitalwayswas exceptinthethroesofpassion,whenshecriedouthisnameinecstasy.Whatis it? Somethingshadowedinhiseyes,andwasgone.Heswirledthebrandyonce more,thenliftedittohismouthandtookaslowmouthful,loweringtheglass. Theairofpreoccupationhadvanished.Therewasasetinhisshoulders,a tighteninginhisjaw.Shelookedathim,wonderingwhathewasgoingtosayto her.Wondering,farmoreanxiously,whetheritwouldmeanthattellinghimher newsnowwouldbedelayedbeyondthisevening. Forasecondlongerhewassilent.Thenhiseyeswenttohers.Therewasno expressioninthem. Ivemetsomeoneelse.InNewYork. Sheheardthewords.Theywereflatlyspoken,hisaccenthardlyshowing.Fora strange,dissociatedmomentshedidnotunderstandthem. Thenhewastalkingagain. Theresneverapleasantwayofdoingthis,butIwantedyoutoknowhowvery muchIveappreciatedyouovertheselastmonths.ButitisnowDidhe hesitateagain,justforafractionofafractionofasecond?Shecouldnottell,was blindanddeaftoeverything.Over,hesaid,breathingoutwithashort,decisive breath. Shewassittingthere.Justsittingthere.Everythingaroundherseemedtohave goneintoimmenseslowmotion.Asifitwasnotthere.Wasnotthereatall. Herheartratehadslowed.Shecouldfeelit,slowingdownlikeamotorrunning outofmotion.Everythingstilledinsideher,aroundher,inthewholeuniverse.

Herfacedidnotmove.Thathadstoppedaswell.Nordidhereyes.Theywere stilllookingathim.Justlookingathim. Hiseyeshadaveiledlooktothem,andshecouldseehislipspresstogether,asif inirritation.Andasshewentonjustlookingathim,becauseeverythinginthe entireuniversehadjuststopped,thelineofirritationstrengthened. Then,abruptly,itwasgone.Hewasmoving,slidinghishandintohisjacket pocketandglidingoutalong,slimcase.Heplaceditinfrontofherwitha precisemovement. AsIsaidhisvoicestillhadthatstrangeclippedqualitytoitIve appreciatedyouverymuch,andthisisatokenofthatappreciation. Slowly,veryslowly,asiftherewereleadweightsonthem,shepulledhereyes downtotheslimjewellerscaseinfrontofher,besidehercoffeecup.Slowlyshe liftedherhandsandopenedthecase.Alonglineofwhitefireglintedather. Diamonds,shethought.Thesearediamonds.Adiamondnecklace.Forme. Hewastalkingagain.Hiswordscameandwent.Shecouldhearsnatches,asif throughathick,impenetrablefog. NaturallyIdontwantyoutohaveanyimmediateconcernsabout accommodation.SoIvetakenanapartmentforyou,whichisyoursforthenext month.Thatshouldgiveyouampletimetomakealternativearrangements Thewordswerecomingandgoing,comingandgoing Instrange,dissociatedslowmotion,shefeltherselfstandup. Clare?Hiswordshadbrokenoff.Hernamecamesharply. Willyouexcusemeamoment?shesaid.Hereyesdriftedtohis.Heseemed veryfaraway.Asfarawayasadistantstar. Shefeltforherhandbagandwalkedawayfromthetable.Itwasthestrangest feelingfeelingnothing.Thatwaswhatwassostrangeaboutit.Walking throughafogofnothingness.

ShefoundtheLadiesandwentinside.Therewasnooneelsethere.Fora momentshejustlookedatherselfinthemirrorabovetherowofgleaming basins. Shewasstillthere.Thatwasodd.Shedthoughtshehadgone.Thateverything hadgone. Butshewasstillthere. Sheblinkedamoment.Herfingersclosedaroundherclutchbag.Forone momentlongershejustlookedatherselfinthemirror.Therewasthefaintest scentofliliesintheair,fromthemassivebouquetthatadornedoneofthevanity unitstotheside. Asudden,hideousspurtofnausealeaptinherthroat. Sheturnedonherheel. Thedoorswungopeninherhand,andshewasinthecarpetedcorridoroutside. Toherleftwasthewaybacktotherestaurant.Toherrightthecorridorledtoa sideentrancetothehotelthatopenedintoaquietstreetoffthemainWestEnd thoroughfaretheStJohnwassituatedon. Herfeetwalkedtothestreetdoor.Itswungopenathertouch. Outside,onthepavement,thenightairshouldhavefeltchill.Butshedidnotfeel it.Shedidnotfeelanything. Shestartedtowalk. CHAPTERTWO CLAREhadnotseenhimagainfromthatmomenttothisstandingnow,staring athim,ashesatinthedeepleatherchair,onehandraisedimperiouslyto summonher. ItwasXander. Xanderafterfouryears,thereagain,nowvisibleandintheflesh.

Itwasasifeverythinginsideherhaddrainedout,leavinghercompletely, absolutelyhollow. Shesawtheexpressionchangeasinslowmotionacrosshisface.Sawhim recogniseher. Clare? Sheheardhimsayhername,heardthedisbeliefinit,eventhoughhewassome wayfromher.Sawhimstarttohisfeet,jerkupright. Hestartedtostridetowardsher. Sheturnedandran. Blindlyshepushedherwayacrosstheroom,gettingtotheservicedoorbythe barandthrustingthroughit.Thestaffcloakroomwasjustnear,andshedived inside,andthendeeper,intothefemalestafftoilet,slammingthedoorshutand slidingtheboltwithfumblingfingers.Sheyankeddownthelidofthetoiletand collapsed. Shewasshaking.Shakingallover.Shockjudderedthroughherlikeblows,one afteranother.How,howcouldXanderhavewalkedinhere?Hotelslikethis, impersonalandanonymous,didnotappealtohim.Sheknewthatthatwas whyshedtakentheriskofgettingajobhere.Ifshedhadtheslightestideahed evercomehereshewouldneverhavechancedit! Buthehad.Hehadwalkedinandseenher,andcrashedthepastrightintothe presentinasinglecatastrophicmoment. Ivegottogetoutofhere! Theneedtorunoverwhelmedher.Shehadtogetout,gethome,getaway Forcibly,shestoppedherselfshudderingandmadeherselfstandup,walkout intothecloakroom.Herbagandcoatwerehangingonapeg.Thebagheldher ordinaryclothes,butshedidntwastetimechanging,onlyyankingoffherhigh heeledshoesandslippingherfeetintoherwornloafers.Shecouldwalkfasterin them. Memoryslicedthroughher.

Thatnight,walkingoutoftheStJohn,walkingalongthepavements,walking withoutthought,withoutdirection,withoutanythinginhermindexceptthat terrifyingabsoluteblankness.Shedidnotknowhowlongshehadwalked. Peoplehadbumpedherfromtimetotime,orwovenpasther,andstillshehad goneon,stoppingonlyatcrossings,likearobot,thenplungingacrosswhenthe coastwasclear.Shehadwalkedandwalked. Eventually,Godknewhowlonglater,shedrealisedshecouldnotgoon,that shewasslowingdownasifthelastofthebatteryenergyinsideherwasfinally runningout.Shehadlookedwithblankeyes.Shedbeenonthefarsideof OxfordStreet,headingtowardsMaryleboneRoad,onastreetparalleltoBaker Street,butmuchquieter.Therehadbeensmallhotelsthere,convertedoutofthe Victorianterraces.Therehadbeenoneoppositeher.Ithadlookeddecent enough,anonymous.Shedcrossedovertheroadandgonein. Shehadspentthenightthere,lyinginherclothesonthebed,staringblindlyup attheceiling.Veryslowly,hermindhadstartedtowork.Ithadbeenlike anaesthesiawearingoff. Theagonyhadbeenunbearable.Tearinglikeclawsthroughherflesh.Theagony ofdisbelief,ofshock. Ofshame.Shamethatshecouldhavebeensuchanincrediblefool. Tohavebeensostupid Ithoughthehadstartedtofeelsomethingforme!IthoughtImeantsomethingto himhadcometobemoretohimthanamistresssomeonewhomatteredto him.Someonewho Herhandhadslidacrossherabdomen,andtheagonyhadcomeagain,even morepiercing. WhatamIgoingtodo? Thewordshadfallenlikestonesintoherhead. Theyhadgoneonfalling,heavierandheavier,crushingher,hardand unbearable.

Ithadtakensolongtoaccepttheanswerthatshehadknown,withsoheavyand brokenaheart,wastheonlyonepossible. Ididtherightthing.Ididtheonlything. Thewordscametohernow,assheyankedonhercoat. Nothingelsewaspossible.Nothing. Ahard,steelylookcameintohereyes.AndwhatdiditmatterthatXander Anaketoswasoutthere?Whatdiditmatter?Nothingatall!Hewasnothingto herandsheoh,dearGodshewasnothingtohim. Hadalwaysbeennothingtohim Shecamebacktothepresentwithajolt.Steelingherselftoforget. Dontremember.Dontthink.Justpickupyourbagandgo.Thisjobisover beforeitstarted.Idontcare,Illgetanotherone.Onlyonethingisimportant onlyone.ThatInever,everhavetoseteyesonXanderAnaketosagain. Withgrimresolutionshewalkedoutofthecloakroom. Hewaswaitingforheroutside. Itwaslikeablowacrossherthroat,punchingthebreathfromher.Then,withan inhalationthatsearedinherlungs,shesaid,Letmepass. Hedidntbudge.Hisframe,largeandpowerful,blockedthenarrowway. HesaidsomethinginGreek.Shehadnoideawhatitwas.Itsoundedhard,and angry.ThenheswitchedtoEnglish. Whatthehelldidyouthinkyouwereplayingat?Pullingthatdisappearingact attheStJohnwhenyouwalkedoutonme?Therewasnakedbelligerenceinhis voice. Hermouthfellopen.Thenclosedagain.Awaveofunrealitywashedoverher, evendeeperthantheshockwavesthathadbeenwashingoverhersinceshed impactedhereyesonXanderAnaketos.

Doyouknowwhathellyouputmethrough?Histonewasunabated,hisdark eyesflashingwithdangerousfury. Sicknesswarredwithshock.Shestaredathimwithwide,uncomprehending eyes.Hisdarkeyesnarrowed. Ithoughtyoudbeenrunover,killed,injured.Ithoughtyoudgoneoffto someoneelse.Ithought Youthoughtwhat?Therewasincomprehensionasshespoke.Whatwashe saying?Shedidnotunderstand. Hiseyesflashedagain.WhatthehelldidyouthinkIdthink?Dontevenbother toanswerthat!Ittookmeawhile,butIfinallyrealisedyouddoneitentirelyon purpose.Togetmetocomeafteryou! Hermouthfellopen.Thenclosedagain.Agrim,hardlookcameintoherface. Youreallythoughtmethatstupid?Stupidenoughtothinkyoudcomechasing aftersomethingyoudjustreplacedwithanewmodelandpaidoffwitha diamondnecklace? Hisexpressionhardenedevenmore.Iwasconcernedaboutyou,hebitout. Shelaughed.Itwasaharsh,briefsound.Thenitcutout. Letmepass,shesaidagain. Therewasamovementbehindher,andsheturned.Tony,thebarman,hadcome throughtheservicedoor,andwasregardingthemwithaconcernedexpression. Clareiseverythingallright?Whyhaveyougotyourcoaton? Sheturnedtohim. TonyImsorry.Imgoinghome.Icantworkhere.Iapologiseforthe nuisance.IllphonePersonneltomorrowandsortouttheformalities.Thewords cameoutstaccatoanduneven. Hefrowned,hiseyesgoingfromhertothetall,imposingfigureofsomeonewho veryobviouslywasaguestofthehotel.

Isthereaproblem?Doyouwantmetofetchthemanager?Hisquestion embracedbothherandXanderAnaketos. Behindher,ClareheardXandersvoice.Theoneshewassofamiliarwith.Giving orderstounderlings. Theresnoproblem,hesaid,hisaccentedvoiceclippedanddismissing.Im seeingMsWilliamshome.Hesteppedback,givingherroomtowalkbyhim. ForamomentClarehesitated,thenwalkedpasthim.Shewasnotgoingtomake ascenehere,infrontofTony.Shewouldgetoutofthehotelbytheserviceexit, andthenheadforhome.Shedtakeataxi.Itwasanextravagance,butshedidnt trustherlegs. Itseemedlikeamillionmilestogettothestaffentrance,andshecouldfeel Xandersbreathalmostonhershoulders.Shewasinshock,sheknew.Itcould notbeotherwise.Thepasthadreareduptobiteher,likeamonstrouscreature, andshecouldnotcopewithitcouldnotcopeatall Asshepushedthedooropenandsteppedoutontothepavementbythestaffcar park,shetookindeep,shiveringlungfulsofair. Herelbowwasseizedinanirongrip. Thisway. Herheadsnappedround,andshepulledawayfromhimviolently. Letmego! Isaid,thisway,Xanderrepeatedwithgrimheaviness. Shetriedtoshakeherselffree.Itwasimpossible.Hisgripwasunshakable. Doyouwantmetoscream?shebitout. Iwantyoutocomethisway.You,hegroundout,havealotofexplainingto do!Idontappreciatethegameyouplayed Thewordwaslikeatriggerinherskull.

Game?Shestaredathim.Fouryearshadchangedhimlittle.Itwaslikelooking intothepast.Thepastthathadalmostdestroyedher.Thepastthatwasravening atheragain,tryingtodevourher.Tryingtoswallowherupwithmemoryof howonceherhearthadleapteverymomentshehadseenthisman.Eachtimehe hadtouchedher,kissedher,shehadcomealive Painlashedatherasshestaredathimbutwhatwastheuseofpain? Itgotyounowhere.Shedhadfouryearsofknowingthat.Fouryearsofgetting overit.Movingon.Shedchanged. Game?shesaidagain.Hervoicewasflatnow,theemotiongonefromhereyes. Howcanyoustandthereandsaythattome?Howonearthcouldyouthinkthat Iwasplayingsomeinfantilegame?Howcanyoupossiblyhavebeenanything otherthanrelievedbyhowIreacted?DoyouthinkIdidntknowyoubythen? Didntknowthatyouwouldnevertoleratescenes?Letalonebywomenyouhad finishedwith.IsawyouwhenAimeeDecordcameuptoyou,halfcut remember?ThattimeinCannes?Isawhowruthlessyouweretoher.Sowhenit wasmyturnIknewwhatthescorewas.Youknow,shesaid,andtherewasan edgeofbitternessinhervoiceshecouldnotconcealevennow,fourlongyears later,youshouldbegratefultome.Imusthavebeentheeasiestexmistress youveeverhad. Abruptly,hedroppedherarm,andsteppedback. Ispentdayslookingforyou!Youjustvanished. Hisvoicewasaccusatory.HisGreekaccentthick. Whatareyoucomplainingfor?sheflashedback.Youdjustpressedthedelete buttononme.Iwassupposedtovanish. Xandersexpressiondarkened. Donotbeabsurd!Ihadmadearrangementsforyou.Ofcourseyouwerenot simplysupposedtovanish!Besides,therewereallyourthingsstillinmy apartment Claresheadshooksharply. Therewasnothingofminethere.Nothingpersonal.

Therewereyourclothes,allyourbelongings! Theywerentmine.Youdboughtthem.Lookwhatisthis?Whythistotally pointlesspostmortemfouryearslater?Youfinishedwithme,andIleft.Itwas verysimple.Idontknowwhyyouvefollowedmeouthere,Idontknowwhy youretalkingtome,andIdontknowwhyyouthinkyouvegotsomesortof righttolayintome! Hertiradeended,andshecouldfeelherheartpumpinglikeasteamtrain.Her brainseemedtobewhirringlikeaclockthathadsuddenlygonefromdormant tooverwoundintenseconds.ShecouldntcopewiththiswithXander Anaketossuddenlycomingintorealityagain.Itwaslikesomechurning hallucinatorydreamthatshecouldnotbelievein. Sheturnedaway,halfstumbling.Shewantedout.Out,out,out.Justattherange ofhervisionshesawataxiturnintotheconcourseofthehotel,towardsthemain entrance.Sherantowardsit.Ifitwasdepositingsomeoneatthehotel,shecould grabit! Aminutelater,heartstillpounding,shecollapsedinthebackofthetaxished claimedasitpulledoutintothebusyroadagain. Shefeltsick.Likeaconcretemixeronfullspin. IthadbeenXanderXander.There,real,alive.Suddenly,outofnowhere,after fouryearsfouryearsinwhichherlifehadchangedbeyondallrecognition. Herstomachwaschurningstill,shockwavesturningherintojelly,herminda hurricane.Thetaxiploughedalongthebusyarterialroad,andheadlightsflashed intothecar.Shesatclutchingherbagasifitwerealifebelt. Whenthecabpulledupoutsidethehouse,shefumbledinsidethebagforher purse,forcingherselftocountouttherightmoney.Itwasmorethanshewanted topay,butshedidntcare.Shewassafebackhereagain.Asshewalkedupthe shortpathtothefrontdoor,gettingherkeyout,sheforcedherselftobecalm. ShemustnotupsetVi. Oh,God,IvejustchuckedinmyjobIcanttellherthat!Notyet. Sheopenedthedoorquietly.Visbedroomwasthefrontroomdownstairs,asshe foundstairshardtomanagethesedays.Thedoorwashalfopen,andClare

peepedinside.TherewasJoey,asshedexpected,cosyinanestonthefloor cushionsfromthesofaandsomeextrapillowssnuggledintohischildduvet. Hewasfastasleepanddidnotstir. Foronelong,longmoment,Clarestoodgazingdownathisshadowedform.Her heartturnedover,almoststopping. No!Shemustnotletherthoughtsgothewaytheywereaboutto.Sheknewwhat shehadbeenonthepointofthinking,andshemustnotletherselfdoso.Again, aseismicwaveofshockwentthroughherasshefoughttheacknowledgementof whatshehadsonearlyletcomeintohermind. Instead,shebackedout.Shetookoffhercoat,hungitupononeoftherowof pegsbesidethestairs,andheadedtowardsthebackofthehouse.Therewasa smallsittingroomjustinfrontofthekitchen,andthenthebathroombehindthe kitchen.Viwasinthekitchen,puttingthekettleonforherlatenightcupoftea. Hello,love,shesaid,hervoicesurprised,asClarecamein.Youreearlierthan yousaidyouwouldbe. Clareforcedasmiletoherface. Yes,IthoughtIdbelater,too,shesaid.Sheleftitatthat.Shecouldsaynothing else.Notrightnow.Instead,shesaid,HowwasJoey?Hesoutlikealightnow,I see. Viswrinkledfacesoftenedintoafamiliarsmile. Oh,hehasntstirred.Dontyouworryabouthim.Haveanicecupofteaandsit downbeforeyoutakehimupstairs. Clarewentthroughintothesittingroomandsankdownontotheendofthesofa thatstillhaditscushionson.VisarmchairwasclosertotheTVinthecorner, withalittletablebesideit,handyforthestandardlamp.Theroomwasold fashioned,likethewholehouse,butVihadlivedhereforthirtyyearsandmore. ForClareithadbeenahaven.Thosefirstfewmonths,whenthelifeshehadbeen hopingagainsthopeforhadsimplydissolvedinherhands,ithadbeenhideous. Butalthoughhomeless,atleastshehadnotbeendestitute.Afterherfatherhad diedshehadreceivedanofferfortheirflatwhichshedfeltsheshouldnot refuse,andshedputtheproceedsintothebank.Butshehadknownshewasin

nostateofmindtosortoutherlifeproperly,otherthandriftingthroughcasual jobsfromthetempingagencyandlivinginanonymousbedsits,andthemoney inthebankwasstillhernestegg.Butonceshedknownshewasgoingtohaveto facelifeasasinglemother,shehadhadtofaceuptothegrimfactthatifshe boughtanotherflat,evenifjustasmallone,forhertolivein,thenwhatwould beleftforhertoliveoffandherbaby? Theanswerhadcomefromacharitysupportingsinglemothers,whichputthem intouchwithelderlypeoplewhoneededsomeonetohelpthemcontinuetolive independentlyintheirownhomes.SoClarehadbeenintroducedtoVi,andVi hadtakentoher,andshetotheolderwoman.ShehadmovedintoVisold fashionedterracedhouseinitsquietstreetinanunexcitingbutshabbily respectablepartofWestLondon.Themoneyinthebankyieldedafrugalbut sufficientincomeforeverythingbutluxurieslikeholidays,andinplaceofrent shelookedafterVi,keptherhouseforherandkepthercompanyaswell,and madeherhomewithher.Now,fouryearslater,Viwasfamilyanhonorary grandmothertoJoey,whomsheopenlyadored,andakindbutbracinglyrealistic supportforClare. Hereyougo,love,saidVi,makingherwayslowlyintotheroom,carryingtwo mugsoftea.Claretookthemfromher,settingdownhers,andputtingVison herlittletableastheoldladysatherselfdowninherarmchair. Youlookpeaky,observedVi.Wasitverybusy? Yes,saidClare.Shewastryinghardtosoundnormal,looknormal.Shedidnt wantViupsetnotbythefactshedwalkedoutofherjob,norbysomethingso verymuchworse. Nothatwasforbidden.Shewasnottothinkaboutthat.Control.Thatwasthe word.Thewayithadbeenthosefirstawfulmonths,andthenagain,whenher babyhadbeenputintoherarms,andthephysicalrealityofhimhadbroughtit piercinglyhometoherjustwhatshehaddone. Butitwastherightthingtodo. Whatyoullneedtodo,Clare,love,Viwassaying,isgiveyourfeetagood soak.Alwayslookafteryourfeet,Isay.Mygranusedtotellmethat.Shehad verybadfeet

Claresmiledabsently,sippingherhot,revivingtea.SheletVichaton.Vismind wasassharpasever,butshelikedtogossip,reminisce,justhavesomeonetotalk to.Tonight,though,Clarecouldhardlyfocusonwhattheolderwomanwas tellingher.Allherenergywasbeingspentontryingtoblockfromhermind whathadhappened. Icantthinkaboutitnow.Illthinkaboutitlater.Tomorrow.Nextweek. Never ShehadtrainedherselfwellnottothinkofXanderAnaketos.Shedhadfour longyearsofdoingso. Butconsciousthoughtswereonethingtocontrol.Itwastheunconsciousones shedreaded.Andthatnight,asshelayinherbedupstairs,Joeyinthelittleroom besideher,asleepinhisownbednow,itwas,asithadalwaysbeen,herdreams thatbetrayedher. DreamsofXander,hisstrongbodyarchingoverhers,hismouthonhers,his handsonherbreasts,herflanks,strokingandsmoothing,glidingandarousing, soarousing,takingheronwards,everonwards,tothatwonderful,ecstaticplace wherehehadalwaystakenheralways. Sheawokeintheearlyhours,sickandheartpounding.Thedreamshadbeenso real,sovivid,withthehorrible,superrealisticfeelingsthatonlydreamscould have.Herstomachwrithed,herpulseracinglikeapanicattack. Andherbreasts,sherealisedwithasickhorror,wereswollen,hernipples distended. Shejerkedoutofbed,paddingwithbarefeetdownthestairstothebathroom, feelingsickandashamed. Thedaypassedwithagonisingslowness.Sheseemedtobetwopeople.The personshealwayswasthesedaysJoeysdotingmother,attentivetohim, responsivetohim,adoringofhim,andViscompanion,bringingbreakfasttoher beforeshemadeherslowmorningtoilette,andthen,afterlunch,makingtheir familiardailyexpeditiontothenearbypark,Viwalkingslowlywithherstick andClarepushingJoeyinhisbuggy.Inthepark,Visatonherusualseat,and JoeygotstuckinwithClare.Firsttothesandpitandthentheplayground,and

theexpeditionendedwiththeusualritualoftakingJoeytofeedtheducksonthe pond.Allblessedlyfamiliar. Butshewassomeoneelseaswell,sheknew.Someonewhowasstilljarringwith shock,withdisbeliefthatshehadactuallyseenXanderAnaketosagain,spoken tohim,runfromhim Hesgone.Itsover. Shekepttellingherselfthatrepeatedly,astheotherpersonshewaswent throughthefamiliarritualsinthepark. Ivegottocalmdown.Ivegottogetbacktonormal.Ivegottoforgetit happened. Butitseemedsocruel.Ithadbeensuchagonyfouryearsago,todowhatshehad knownshemustgetoverit,moveonbutshehaddoneit.Shedhadtoput hersonfirst.Andtheyweresafenow.Secure.Familiar. Thepastwasgone. Lastnighthadbeennothingbutanaberration.Andshehadrunfromit,justas shehadrunfromthathideousnightwhenherstupid,stupidhopesandillusions hadbeenrippedfromher. Letsgo,Mummy!Joeyslittlevoicewasawelcomeinterruptionfromher tormentingthoughts.Helifteduptheemptyplasticbagthathadcontainedthe breadcrusts.Allgone,heannounced. Timefortea,saidVi,andgotslowlytoherfeetfromthebenchshedbeen sittingon. Thentheyheadedhomewardsinaslowprocession. Shehadnopremonition.Nowarning.Justasshehadhadnonelastnight. AstheyroundedthecornerintothestreetwhereVishousewasitwasJoeywho spokefirst,pointing. Bigcar!

Clarefollowedthedirectionofhispointing,andslowlyherheartstoppedinher chest.OutsideVishousewasparkedalong,lean,brilliantscarletmonsterofa car. AndoutofitXanderAnaketoswasemerging. Why?ThatwasthefirstweirdthoughtinClaresstrickenbrain.Whywashe here?Whatfor?Whatelsecouldhepossiblyhavetosaytoher,nowhedvented hisspleenatherfordaringnottobedisposedofinexactlythewayhelikedto getridofdiscardedmistresses? Then,likeanexplosioninslowmotion,sherealisedthatitdidntmatterwhyhe hadcomehere,orhowhehadfoundoutwhereshelived. Becauseashestartedtowalktowardsthemsherealisedhewasnotlookingat her.Hiseyeswereentirely,terrifyingly,onJoey. Herbreathwascrushedfromherlungs.Shegaveasilent,inaudible,breathless screaminsideherhead. Desperatelyherbrainworkedfeverishly.IfshecouldjustbundleJoeyinside, withouthimgettingcloseenoughtomakeouthisfeatures Butitwastoolate.Shecouldseeit.SeeitinthechangeofexpressioninXanders face.Seetheshockthedisbeliefjaggingacrosshisfeatures. Hestopped.Justhaltedwherehewas,inthemiddleofthepavement,some yardsfromthem. Greekcamefromhim.Hollow.Rasping. Thenslowly,veryslowly,hiseyesliftedfromhissonandwenttoher. Therewasmurderinhisface. CHAPTERTHREE XANDERgotthemindoors.Hehadnomemoryofhowheddoneit,orofwhat housetheydgoneinto.Noawarenessofanythingotherthantheraw,boiling ragethunderingthroughhim.Hismindhadgoneintoawhiteout.

Somehow,andhehadnoconsciousthoughtofhow,hehadgotherawayfrom theoldwomanandtheboy. Myson.Theosmyson! Therewasnodoubtaboutitcouldnotbe!Hecouldseehisownfeaturesinthe childsface. Andinhersoh,hecouldseecompletely,absolutely,thatsheknewthetoddler shewaspushingalongwashis.Shedgivenbirthtohisson! Anironwillclampeddownovertheragingvoiceinhishead.Control.Thatwas whatheneedednowabsolute,totalcontrol.Hewasgoodatcontrol.Hehad practiseditallhislife,fromchildhoodwithhissternuncle,whohadrequired silencewhileheworked,andcarryingthesamedisciplineintohisbusiness dealingsneverlettinghisrivalsseehishand,alwaysconcealinghisthoughts andaimsfromthem. Andcontrol,too,hadbeenhiswatchwordwhenitcametohisdealingswith women.Itwasthereasonhechangedthemsofrequently.Arulehehadbent onlyonce Theironyofitsavagedhim. Emotionsurgedinhimlikeaterrifyingmonster,butheslammeditbackdownas hemarchedClaredownthroughthehouse,outthroughadoorattheback, yankingitopenandthrustingheroutside.Therewasagardenthere,narrowand quitelong,withaplasticsandtrayandaminiatureslide.Therewerechildrens toys,aball,apushalongdogandsomebigcolourfulbricks,onthesmallstone pavedpatiobeforethelawnstarted. Hegrabbedherelbowsandhauledherround. Talk,hesaid. Hiseyesboreddownintoherslikedrills. Herfacehadgonewhite.Hewasnotsurprised.Guiltwasblazonedacrossit. Ragespurtedthroughhimagain.Thevicious,vengefulbitch!Tokeephisson fromhim!Deliberately,knowingly

Talk!hesnarledagain. Herfaceseemedtowork,butnotwell.Slowly,faintly,shespoke. Whatdoyouwantmetosay?Theresnothingtosay. Heshookherlikearag,andshewasbonelessinhisgrip. Youkeepmysonfrommeandsaytheresnothingtosay?hedemanded,fury icingthroughhiswords,hisfeatures.Justwhatkindofavengefulbitchare you? Herexpressionchanged.Blanked. What?shesaid.Therewascompleteincomprehensioninhervoice. Heshookheragain.Emotionwasraveninginhim,likeawolf. Tokeepmysonfrommeassomekindofsickrevenge! Hermouthopened,thenclosed.Thensuddenlyshetorefree. Whatthehelldoyouthinkyouresayingtome? Hiseyesdarkenedlikenight. YoukeptmysonfrommebecauseyouwereangrythatIfinishedwithyou! Herfaceworkedagain,butthistimetherewasadifferentemotioninit.Her featurescontorted. Youconceitedoaf!shegaspedathim.Justwhodoyouthinkyouare?Firstyou thinkIplayedsomestupidmanipulativegamebywalkingoutthewayIdid! Nowyouthink,youreallythink,thatIdidnttellyouIwaspregnantsoIcould getsomekindofrevengeonyou? Whatotherreasoncantherebe?hesnarledbackather. Achokingsoundcamefromher.

Howaboutthefactyoudjustreplacedmewithanewmodelandhadgivenme mypayoffofadiamondnecklace,likeIwassomekindofwhore?shespatat him. Xandersmouthwhitened. Youknewyouwerepregnantthatevening?Hisvoicewasarawrasp.You knewyouwerepregnantandyoukeptquietaboutit!Youwalkout,carryingmy baby,andyouneversayawordtomeinfouryears? Shewasstaringathim.StaringathimasifhehadspokeninGreek. Well?hedemanded.Hisjawwasgritted,furystillroilinginsidehim.Furyand anotheremotion,evenmorepowerful,thathemustnot,mustnotyetyieldto, butwhichwasdrivinghimdrivinghimonwardswithimpossiblemotion. Yourenotreal,shesaid.Hervoicehadchanged.Yourejustnotreal.You actuallythinkIwouldtellamanwhodchuckedmeonthegarbagepile,whod paidmeoffwithadiamondnecklace,thatIwaspregnantbyhim? Hisexpressionstiffened.Ididnotpayyouoff,hebitout.Itscustomaryto giveatokenofappreciationto Dontsaythatwordtome!Donteversaythatwordtomeagain!Anddont eventhinkoftryingtotellmethatafteryoudjustflushedmedownthepanI wassupposedtoannounceIwascarryingyourchild. EmotionwasmountinginXanderschest. Ifyouhadtoldme,obviouslyIwouldhaverescindedmydecisionto Alookofincredulitypassedacrosshercontortedfeatures. Rescindedyourdecision?Hervoicewashighpitchedandhollow.Itwasnta bloodybusinessmeeting.Youhadmadeitclearabsolutely,killinglyclear thatIwasout.Youhadsomeonenewtowarmyourbedandthatwasthat. Hisfacetightened.Obviously,hadyoutoldmethatyouhadgotpregnant,then everythingwouldhavebeenverydifferent.

Sheturnedaway.Thegestureangeredhim.Hereachedoutforheragain,his handclosingonhershoulder. Shefrozeathistouch.Hecouldfeelit,allhermusclestensing.Herreaction angeredhimevenmore.Whyshouldsheresisthim? Sheneverresistedmealwaysyieldedtomeeagerforme.Allthatcool, Englishcomposuredissolved,likeiceinheatmyheat Hethrustthememoryaside.Itwasirrelevant.Allthatwasrelevantnowwasto dealwiththisshatteringdiscovery. Ihaveason! Theimpulse,overwhelmingandoverpowering,togonow,thisinstant,tofind thechildthatwasinsidethehouse,findhimand No,hecouldnotdothateither.Notyet.NotuntiluntilChristos,hecould hardlythinkstraight,hismindastormofemotion. Hishanddroppedfromher. As,hesaidheavily,itwillbedifferentnow. Shewasstillhalfturnedawayfromhim.Hecouldnotseeherface.Hedidnt care.Providingshecouldhear,couldunderstand,thatwasallthatmattered.He foughtthestorminsidehimforcontrol.Hehadbeenironwilledallday. ControlledenoughtoinstructhisLondonPA,verycalmly,tofindoutthe addressofClareWilliamsfromthehotelshehadbeenworkingat.Detached enoughtorearrangetodaysschedulesothathecouldbefreebylateafternoonto driveandfindher.Shedrunoutonhimoncebefore,vanishedintothenight shewasnotgoingtodosoasecondtime. Butthereasonhehadsoughtherouthadevaporatedinstantly,likewaterina volcanothemomenthehadrealisedjustwhatClareWilliamshaddoneto him Emotionwhippedthroughhimagain,thatwhitehotdisbelievingfurythathad rippedthroughhimthemomenthiseyeshadgonetothechildinthebuggyshe hadbeenpushing.

Thatwasallthatconcernedhim.Thatwasallthatconsumedhim. Buthemustcontrolit.Givingventtothestorminsidehimwouldachieve nothing.WithHerculeaneffort,hehammereddownhisemotions. Iwanttoseehim. Hisvoicewasflat.Verycontrolled. Sheturnedherheadbacktowardshim.Hereyeswerequiteblank. Sheutteredasingleword.Awordthatwentintohimlikeaknife. Why?shesaid. Carefully,verycarefully,helayeredicycontroloverhisfeatures. Becauseheismyson,heenunciated.Then,beforeshecouldanswer,hewalked backindoors. Theelderlywomanwasinthesmall,drabsittingroom.Itlookedancient,andso didshe.Shewassittinginanarmchairandthetelevisionwason,withacartoon. Hissonwassittingonherlap,lolledbackonher,allhisattentiononthescreen. AsXanderwalkedin,thewomanlookedathim.Shewasold,buthereyeswere sharp.Theyrestedonhimforasecond,thenwentpasthim.Behindhim,Xander couldsenseClare.Thechilddidnotlookround. TheknifewentintoXanderagain.Hedidnotknowthenameofhisownson. Tellmehisname. Hespokequietly,buttherewasaninsistenceinitthatwouldnotbebrooked.It wastheoldwomanwhoanswered. ItsJoey,shesaid.Joey,petsayhello. Reluctantly,thetoddlertwistedhisheadbriefly.Lo,hesaid,thenwentstraight backtothecartoon. Hemustbegonethree,Xanderthought.Ihaveathreeyearoldson,andInever knew.Ineverknew

Thestormofemotionswirledupinhimagain,butheforceditback.Theelderly womanwaslookingathim.Shehadasteadygaze.Didsherealisewhohewas? Heassumedso.Hehadrecognisedhissoninstantly.Itwouldnotbehardtosee himinJoey,andknowthathemustbetheboysfather. Histhroatconvulsed,andagainhehadtotakeadeep,steadyingbreath.He openedhismouthtospeak,buttheoldwomanwasbeforehim. Clare,love,Joeyneedshistea.Theprogrammewillbeoversoon,andhell realiseheshungry.Iddosomethingquickforhim,ifIwereyou.Eggysoldiers isalwaysnice,isntit? Shespokecheerfully,calmly,asifshewerenotwitnessingamandiscoveringhis threeyearoldson. Shewasrighttodoso,Xanderrealised.Whateverelse,hissonJoeymustnot beupset.Whatmustbesettlednowwouldnotbehelpedbyhisgivingvoiceto fury,hisemotions.Abruptly,hesathimselfdownontheratherbatteredsofa, oppositehisson.Hesaidnothing,justwatchedhimwatchingthetelevisionwith araptexpressiononhisface,interruptedbyburstsofchildishlaughter. Myson! ThestormofemotioninXandersbreastswirled,thengradually,verygradually subsided.Butdeepinsidehisheartseemedtoswellandswell. Clareputtheeggstoboil.Shegotoutthebread,andpoppeditinthetoaster.She fetchedsomemilk,andpoureditintoJoeysdrinkingcup.Shesetoutatraywith hisplasticplatewithpicturesofpuppiesonit,andstartedtopareanapplefor hispudding.Sheworkedswiftly,mindlessly. Shemustntthinkaboutthis.Mustntdoanything.JustgiveJoeyhistea. Whenitwasreadyshecarrieditthrough.Theprogrammescreditswererolling, andJoeyhadreturnedtotherealworld.Helookedabouthim. Timefortea,heannounced.Thenhefocussedonthemanlookingathim. Hello,hesaid.Helookedinterestedlyatthemanwhohadstartedhislifefour longyearsago.

Xanderlookedatthechildwhowashis.Emotionfelledhim.Foramomenthis brainwentcompletelyandabsolutelyblank.Whatdidheknowofchildren?His ownchildhoodwassofarawaythatheneverthoughtofithisfatherhadbeen dead,hismothertoo.Hehadnomemoriesofthem. Coldicedinhisspine.Ifhehadnotcometoday,soughtoutthewomanwhohad walkedoutintothenightfouryearsago,hisownsonwould,likehim,havehad nomemoriesofhisfather Thatwillnotbe Resolutionsteeledinsidehim.Hissonwouldhaveafather,andmemoriesofa father,startingrightnow. Hello,Joey,saidXander.Iamyourfather.Ivecometoseeyou. Clarefelttheknifegothroughherthroat,andshegaspedaloud.Xanderignored her.SodidJoey.JoeytiltedhisheadandsubjectedXandertoanintenselook. Fathersaredaddies,heannounced. Xandernodded.Quiteright.Youreacleverboy. Joeylookedpleasedwithhimself. Clare,giveJoeyhistea.Hesagrowingboy.Vibeckonedtoher,andcleared somespaceonthetablebyherchair.Shakily,Clarecrossedandputdownthe tray. Soldiers!shoutedJoey,pleased.Eggysoldiers.Heseizedoneofthefingersof toastandplungeditintooneofthetwoeggswiththeendslicedoff,startingto eatwithrelish.Aroundhisneck,Viwasdeftlyattachingabib. Itwasall,thoughtClare,withasick,hollowfeelinginsideher,intenselynormal. Exceptforonething. Sherubbedahandoverherbrow,hereyesgoingtothemansittingonVisold sofa.Themanwhowashersonsfather.Thiscouldntbehappening.Itjust couldnt.Waveafterwaveofdisbeliefwaseddyingthroughher.Somuchshock. Lastnighthadbeenbadenough,butnowthisThiswasanightmare.She

couldntthink,couldntfeel.Couldonlywatch,withastrangeunnaturalcalm, howXanderAnaketoswaswatchinghissonhersoneathistea. Hestayedforanotherhalfanhour.TimeforJoeytofinishhisteaandstart playingwithhistoys.Clarewashedup,tryingtodoanythingtobringback normalitytopretendthatherlifehadntjustcrashedallaroundher.Shestarted togetherandVissupperready,takingacupofteaintotheotherwoman. Silently,sheplacedamugofinstantcoffeeblack,assheknewhelikedhis coffeebesideXander.Hegaveheralong,levellookthatwasquite expressionless.Thenhereturnedhisattentiontohisson,askinghimaboutthe carhewaspushingaroundonthecarpet. Ilikecars,saidJoey. SodoI,sheheardXandersay.Whenyourebiggeryoucanrideinmycar. Thebigredone?askedJoeyinterestedly. Yes,thatone. Doesitgofast?Joeyenquired,makingvroomingnoiseswithhisowntoycar. Veryfast,saidXander. Ilikefast,saidJoey. Metoo,agreedhisfather. Canweseeitnow,outside? Nexttime.Todayitstoolate, Allright.Nexttime.Joeywascontented.Hewentonchattingtohisfather. AllthewhileVisatanddidherknitting,theneedlesclickingawayrhythmically. XanderdidnotspeaktoClareuntiljustbeforeheleft. Imustgonow,Joey,hesaid.ButIllcomebacktomorrow. OK,saidJoey.ThenIllseeyourcar.Bye.

Xanderlookeddownathim,onelonglastlook,drinkingineverydetail,then turnedtogo.Clarefollowedhimdownthenarrowhallwaytothefrontdoor.As heopeneditheturnedtoher. Ifyoutryandrunagain,hesaid,andthewayhespokemadethehairsriseon thebackofherneck,Iwillhuntyoudown.Tomorrowhelookedather,his eyeslikeweights,pressingintoherwetalk. Thenhewasgone. ViwhatamIgoingtodo?WhatamIgoingtodo?Claresvoicewas anguished.Upstairs,Joeysleptpeacefully,thoughithadtakenhimlongertogo downthanusual.Hedstartedtalkingaboutthemanwhosaidhewasmy father.Itwasmorecuriosity,Clarethought,thanreality.Butshehadbeenas evasiveasshecouldwithoutarousingsuspicion. Aspurtofangerwentthroughheranotherone.Theydbeencomingandgoing withviciousferocityeversinceshedshutthedooronXander. HowcouldhehavesaidthattoJoey?Rightoutbald.Undeniable. Unqualifiable! Atjustgonethree,Joeywasstillfeelinghiswayinusinglanguage,andClare wasneverentirelysurehowmuchheunderstood,howmuchhetookin. Nowshesat,herhandswringingtogether,gazinghopelesslyacrossatVi. ForamomentVididnotreply,concentratingonatrickybitinherknitting. Then,withoutlookingup,shesaid,Youknow,Clare,love,Iveneverbeenone togiveadvicewhenitsnotaskedfor.Butheroldshrewdeyesglancedatthe youngerwomanwhateveryoudo,ithastobewhatsbestforJoey.Notfor you.Iknowthatshard.Iknowyoucameheretomewhenyouwerevery unhappy,andIknowyoutoldmethatJoeysdadwasntevergoingtobe someonewhowouldcareabouthimoryou,thathedjustpaymoneyand nothingmore,andwishJoeytoperdition,andthatwouldntbegoodforany child.Buthervoicechangedalittle,takingontheveryslightestreproving note,whilestillstayingsympatheticthatmandoesntseemliketheoneyou toldmeaboutwhenyoucamehere.Thatsanangryman,loveandnotbecause

hesfoundoutabouthavingason.Ifhewasangryforthatreason,whydidhe stayhereandtellJoeyhewashisdad?HewantstobeJoeysdad,thatswhat. Clarejuststared.Vi,youdontunderstand.Hesnotanordinarymanheisnta dadasyoucallit!Helivesalifeyoucantimagine Shefellsilent.Inhermindshefelttimecollapse,andsawagainthegilded, expensiveworldthatXanderAnaketosmovedinwhereshehadoncemovedat hisside,gownedindressescostingthousandsofpounds,jewelsevenmorea worldasunrealtohernow,whenherhorizonswereboundedbyfindingthebest bargainsinsupermarkets,byceaselesscarefulbudgetingandneversplashing outonanything,asifhecamefromadifferentplanet. Vishookherhead.IfhewantstobeJoeysdadyoucantstophim,love. Claresexpressionhardened.Thefathersofillegitimatechildreninthiscountry havenolegalrightsoverthem,sheexclaimedharshly. Vigaveheralonglookoverherknittingneedles. Werenottalkinglawandrightsweretalkingaboutbeingadadtoalittlelad. IwonthaveJoeyhurt.Claresvoicewaspassionate.Iwonthavehimthinking hesgotafather,andthenhehasnt.IwonthaveXanderswanninginhere, upsettinghim!Joeysgotme! Viputherknittingdown.Oh,love,shesaid,hervoicesorrowful.Hellalways haveyou.Butyoucantstophimfromknowinghisdaditwouldntberight. ButwhydoesXandercareaboutJoey?Hedoesntcare.Thatsthepoint!Vi youdontknowhim.HesnotamanwhocanfeelforothersIknowthat.Dear God,Iknowthat.HesjustangrybecauseBecause Shefeltsilentagain,herchestpainful.Whywashesoangry?Shedidnt understandshejustdidnt.Xanderhadntwantedher,hadthrownheroutlike lastyearsmodel,chuckedanddiscarded,paidoffwithadiamondnecklace.So why,whyhaditangeredhimthatsheddisappearedjustashehadwantedher to? Angerwarredwithanguish.

Visighed.Along,heavysigh,fromonewhohadseenalotofsorrowsinlifeand knewtherewasntalwaysanythingthatcouldbedoneaboutthem. Whynotjustseewhathappens,pet?shesaid.Youllalwaysdowhatsbestfor Joey.Youalwayshave,youalwayswill. Thehard,painfulknotinClaresbreasteased,justafraction.Butshestilllooked atViwithfearinhereyes.Herheartwassqueezedtight,asifinavice,painful andcrushed.Emotionwasinsideherlikeahuge,swellingballoon,fillingherup, terrifyingher.How,howcoulditbethatabaretwentyfourhoursagoherlife hadbeennormalsafe?Herstomachchurnedagainithadbeendoingthat overandover,makingherfeelsickanddisbelieving.Hadntitbeenbadenough settingeyesonXanderagainlikethatlastnight,havingthepastleapoutof nowhereandslamherintothegroundlikethat? Butthathadbeennothingtowhatshehadgonethroughwasstillgoing throughwhenhehadfoundoutaboutJoey. Thesickfeelingintensified.Oh,dearGod,whatwasshegoingtodo? Andevenmorefrightening,moreunthinkable,whatwasXanderAnaketosgoing todonowthatheknewhehadason? CHAPTERFOUR XANDERstoodatthewindowofthereceptionroominhisLondonapartment, themorningsunshinestreamingin.TherewerenomemoriesofClarehere.Hed movedonsincethen,andthisapartmentmustbethesecondoreventhirdhe occupiedwhenhewasintheUKonbusiness.Itwasthesamewithhisplacesin Paris,NewYork,RomeandAthens.Hedidntkeepthingslong.Hechangedhis carseveryyearorso,wheneveranewmodelofhisfavouritemarquecameout. Hechangedhiswatchesjustasoften,wheneveranewerandbetteronewas launched.SimilarlytheyachtshekeptatPiraeusandtheSouthofFrance. Hehadnosentimentalattachmentstothings. Ortowomen.Hechangedthosejustasfrequently.Healwayshad.Therewas, afterall,noreasonnotto Butachildachildcouldnotbechanged.Achildwasforever.

Emotionknifedthroughhim.Ithadbeendoingsoregularlyforthelastthirtysix hours.Eversincehedlookedupinthecocktailloungeandseen,forthefirst timeinfouryears,thewomanwhohadgotupfromthetableattheStJohnwith alowmurmurandwalkedout,vanishingintothenight. Hesawagainherblank,expressionlesseyesashetoldher,Itsover. Christosshewasalreadypregnant.Shesatthere,carryingmyson,andthen walkedoutonmewithoutaword.Takingmysonwithher. Furybitsavagely.Heturnedabruptlyawayfromthewindowandheadedfor thedoor.Itwastimetogetthissorted.Timetogethisson. TensionrackedthroughClarelikewirestringingherfromtheceiling.Shewas standingrigidasaboardinherbedroom,theupstairsroomaboveVisbedroom, becauseitwastheonlyplacetheycouldbewithoutJoeyhearingthemfromthe backsittingroom,wherehewaswithVi,whileoppositeherXanderstood,his backtothewindow,silhouettedagainstthelight.Itmadehimlookverytalland dark. Clarefeltagainthatsickeningsenseofunrealitysweepoverher. Andsomethingelse,too.Somethingthathadnothingtodowiththehideousfact thatXanderhaddiscoveredJoeysexistenceandeverythingtodowiththeway shewassostupidly,insanelyawareofhisdevastatingeffectonher. Asshehadalwaysbeen No!DearGod,outofeverythinginthisnightmarethatwasthelast,theverylast thingshemustthinkabout.Once,sofatally,shehadbeenvulnerabletotheman whostoodlookinggrimlyathernow.Butthathadbeenalifetimeago.Once,so pathetically,shehadthoughtshemightmeansomethingtohim.Butinone callousutterancehehadrippedthatpathetichopefromher Hehadstartedtospeak,hisvoiceharshandclipped,hisaccentevenmore pronouncedthanusual.Clareforcedherselftolisten,howevermuchher stomachwaschurning.

Mylawyersaremakingthenecessaryarrangements,Xanderwasannouncing. Therewillneedtobeaprenuptialagreement,andforthatreasontheceremony itselfmustbeonaterritorywhereitislegallybindingwhichisnot,soIam informed,thecaseintheUK.Is,therefore,yourpassportuptodate?Anddoes mysonhaveoneofhisown?Ifnot,thiswillneedtobeexpedited.Youwill also Whatareyoutalkingabout?Claresvoicewasblank,cuttingacrosshis. Iamtellingyouwhatwillneedtobedoneforustomarryquickly,Xander said.Hismouthtightenedautomaticallyatherinterruptionandherquestion. What?Incomprehension,disbeliefyawnedthroughher. Hiseyesflasheddarkly.DidyounotrealisethatIwouldbepreparedtomarry you? Clareshookherhead.No. Hervoicewashollow. Xanderlookeddownather.Hadshereallynotthoughthewoulddoso?His gazenarrowed.Wasthatwhyshehadwalkedoutonhimthatnightfouryears ago?Hadshenotrealisedthathewouldmarryher? Ofcoursehewouldhavemarriedawomancarryinghischild. Especially No.Heslammeddownthelidonthememory.Thatwasthen,thiswasnow. Iwouldhavemarriedyoufouryearsagoifyouhadtakenthetroubletotellme youwerecarryingmychild,hesaidtersely. Wouldyou?Clarerepliedslowly.Wouldyoureally? Ofcourse.Hisvoicewasstiff. ForoneterriblemomentpainrippedthroughClare.Oh,God,ifshehadtaken thatotherroadtheoneshehadrefusedtotake,theoneshehadhadtofindall

thestrengthshepossessednottotake,nottogobacktohim,toseekhimout,to risktellinghimshewaspregnanttoriskhimrejectingherunbornchild. Butshehadassumedthathewouldneverinamillionyearshavethoughtto marryher.Shewouldhavebeengivenanallowance,agaggingordersoshe couldnotbabbletothepressaboutanylovechildofXanderAnaketos,and thendumpedinsomeexpensivevillasomewherewhereshecouldraiseherson astheunwantedbastardofadiscardedmistress Hewouldhavemarriedme! Painrippedagain. Agony. Becausethatwaswhatitwouldhavebeenjustasmuchasifshehadbeenkept ashisdiscardedmistressbearinghisbastard.Theagonyofbeingmarriedtohim fornoreasonotherthanthatshehadconceivedhischild.Whenallalongshe wouldhaveknownassheknewnow,sobitterly,hadknownsincethatlast, laceratingeveningwithhimjusthownothingshewastohim. Shelookedathimnow.Justashehadbeenablefouryearsagotostopthebreath inherlungs,sohecouldstilldonow.Thepassageoffouryearshadmerely maturedhisfeatures.Thebreathtakingimpactofhismasculinitystillwasas potentasever. Itwouldhavebeentormenttohavebeenmarriedtohim.Andtherecouldstillbe nogreatertorment So,hecontinued,hisvoicestillclippedandharsh,nowthatyouhave understoodthat,perhapswecanfinallyproceed?Ifyoupackpromptly,wecan beatmyapartmentforlunch.Pleaseensureyouhaveallthelegaldocuments required,suchasmysonsbirthcertificate,and Imnotgoingtomarryyou!Claresvoicerangout. Youwill,hecommanded. Shetookastepbackwards.Shecouldnotbehearingthis.Shecouldnotbe hearingXanderAnaketoscalmlyannouncingthatshewouldmarryhim.Washe mad?

Donotplaygamesoverthis,Xanderbitbackangrily.Ofcourseweshall marry. Sheshookherheadviolently.Itsinsanetothinkso! Xanderseyesdarkened.Ifitistheprenuptialagreementyouobjecttotough. Thatisnotnegotiable.Youvehardlyprovedtrustworthy Shegavealaugh.Ithadanoteofhysteriainit.ItmadeXanderseyesfocuson herevenmorenarrowly.Sherubbedahandoverherbrow. Thisisinsane,shesaidheavily.Itsmadthatyoushouldeventhinkof marryingmelikethis.Sheliftedhereyestohim.Ineverwantedyoutoknow aboutJoey.Never!Shesawhiseyesdarkenmalevolentlyatherwords,but ploughedon,ignoringhisreaction.Iwishyouhadneverfoundout,shesaid bleakly.IwishIhadneverseteyesonyouagain.Butitstoolatenow.Toolate. Hervoicewasheavy.Thenshelookedathim,hershoulderssquaring.Iwont marryyouitsinsaneeventothinkit! Somethingmovedinhiseyes.Somethingthatmadeherfeelfaint.Thenthere wasacausticetchingoflinesaroundhismouthashereplied. Youaresayingyoupreferthishegesturedwithhishand,hiseyessweeping theroom,whichwasfurnishedwitholdfashionedfurniturefromVisyounger days,wornnow,aswerethecarpetandthecurtainstothelifeyouwouldlead asmywife? Yes,saidClare.IfallIcaredaboutwasyourmoney,Xander,dontyouthink IdhavetoldyouIwaspregnantevenifyouhadjustthrownmeoutlike garbage? Hiseyesflashedagain.Ididnotthrowyououtlikegarbage!Imadesuitable alternativearrangementsforyouraccommodation.Igaveyouasuitabletokenof myapprec Dontsaythatword!Ifyousayitonemoretimetome,IsweartoGodIwillI will Shesatdownheavilyonthebed,andthespringscreaked.Herlegswouldnot holdherupanymore.

Shelookedacrossathim.Hewasstandingstiffly,rigid. Oh,gotohell,shemumbled.Justgotohell,Xander.Iknowthelawwilllet youhavesomevisitingrightstoJoey,andifyoureallyinsistonthemIknowI cantstopyou.Butdonteverthinkyouregoingtogetanymore.Idontwant youinmylifeagain. Hisfacestilled.Itsentashiverofforebodingthroughher. ButI,hesaid,haveeveryintentionofbeinginmysonslife.Ihaveevery intentionofbeinghisfather. Shegaveatwistedlaugh,cutshort. Father?Youdontknowtheslightestthingaboutbeingafather. Foramomenttherewasasilencethatcouldhavebeencutwithaknife. Thankstoyou,saidXander,softlyandsibilantly.Becauseofyou,Iama strangertomyownson.IdidnotevenknowhisnamewhenIspoketohim! Claresmouthtightened.Shewouldnotlethimmakeherfeelguilty.Shewould not.Shestoodup,forcingherselfupright,foldingherarmstightlyacrossher chest.Herchinlifted. Well,ifyouresokeentobeafather,comeandlearntobeone.Butlistento meandlistentomewell!Herexpressiongrewfierce.Fatherhoodisforlife, Xander!Itsnotsomenoveltythatyoucanamuseyourselfwithorgetoffonself righteouslybecauseIdaredtoobjecttothewayyoutreatedmeandnevertold youaboutJoey.Dontthinkthatbeingstinkingrichmeansyoucanjusthavethe easybitsanddumptherestonyourpaidminions!Andaboveallshebiteach wordoutitisnotsomethingyoudowithoutcommittingtoitfortherestof yourlife.Becauseifyouhurtmysonifyoucauseasingleteartofallfromhis eyesbecauseyougetboredwithhim,orputyourselffirst,orputmakingmoney firstor,Godhelpyou,playwithyourmistressesfirst!thenyouwontbefitto behisfather! Shecouldseeangerlightinhisface,butshedidntcare.Didntgiveatoss!She glaredathim,andhemethereyeswithhisdark,heavyones.Then,abruptly,she spokeagain.

Icantcope.Icantcopewiththis.Itslikeasteamtraingoingoverme.Theday beforeyesterdayeverythingwasnormal.NowitsSheclosedhereyes.A nightmare. Anightmare?Xanderechoedherwords.Hisvoicewascoldandvicious. Yes!Hereyesflaredopenagain.Ineverwantedtoseeyouagain.Notforthe restofmylife.Butyourehereanditsanightmare.AndIcantcopewithit.I justcant.IjustcantShetookadeep,shudderingintakeofbreath.LookI needtimetimetogetusedtothis.Ivebeeninshocksincethatnightatthe hotelandIdonthandleshockwell.Icantgetmyheadroundit. Youwantmysympathy?Xandersvoicewasincredulous. Idontwantanythingfromyou!shebitback.LikeIsaid,IwishtoGodId neverseteyesonyouagain.Butitstoolate.SoImsimplytellingyouhowitis formetoomuchtohandlerightnow.Andyouknowsomething?Hereyes flashedagain.Idonthavetohandleitrightnow.Idonthavetodoanything untilyoucomebackherewithacourtorderforaccessinyourhand.Rightnow, ifIwantedto,Icouldphonethepoliceandtellthemyoureanintruderhere.So backoff,Xander.BackoffandgivemethetimeIneedtogetmyheadround this. Thetimeyouneedtorun,perhaps?Thewayyouliketodo?Hisvoicewassilky anddangerous. Herfacetightened.Iwontrun,Xander.Thatwouldbeplayingintoyourhands, wouldntit?AndbesideswherewouldIgo?IcantleaveVi. Hefrowned. Youcanpayrentelsewhere,notjusttoyourcurrentlandlady. Viisntmylandlady.Shesmyfriend.AndshedoesntchargerentbecauseI helplookafterhersoshecangoonlivinghere,inherownhome.Sheslikea grandmothertoJoey.Family.Icouldneverleaveher! Shedroppedherarmstohersides,wearinessanddefeatfillingher.Look,Icant takeanymorerightnow.Iwantyoutogo.IwontrunIcant.Ifyoudont believeme,setsomeguardsorwhateverroundthehousetomakesureIdont.I dontcare.Butjustgo.SaygoodbyetoJoeyifyouwant.

Thatisverygenerousofyou.Hissarcasmwasopen,andClarefeltherself flushing.Thenherfacehardenedagain. Joeyneedstotakethisslowlytoo,Xander.Heneedstogetusedtoyou.And mostofallhereyeswerelikeneedlesheneedsnottodependonyouto stayinterestedinhim. Foramomentshethoughtshecouldseemurderinthedark,longlashedeyes thathadonce,solongago,meltedherbones. Idonthavetoprovemyselftoyou,hesaid,withasoftnessthatraisedthehair onthebackofherneck.Onlytomyson. Thenheturnedandwalkedoutoftheroom,downthestairs.Histreadwas heavyonthefloorboards.Likehammersgoingintoherchest. Shestayedupstairsinherroom,standingmotionless,asifwirewaswrapping herround,bitingintohercruelly.Itseemedforeveruntilsheheardhistreadon thehallcarpetandthesoundofthefrontdooropening,thenclosing. Slowly,shewentdownstairsagain. JoeywastakingoneofhispicturebooksacrosstoVi,butasClarecameinhe lookedround. Thatwasmydaddyhere,heannounced.Theresadaddyinthisbook.Look. Heopenedthebooktoapageshowingahappynuclearfamily,sittinghavinga mealaroundatable,withababyandatoddler.ItwasntabookClareliked becauseofthenuclearfamilybutJoeyhadchosenitbecauseitincludedascene wherethetoddlerwasplayingwithaveryimpressivetoygarage. Hisstubbyfingerpointedateachpersonintheillustration. Mummy,Daddy,me.Thenhefrowned.Baby,hesaid.HelookedatClare.We haventgotababy. Clareswallowed.No,butwevegotananinstead.Thatsadifferentfamilyfrom us,Joey. Joeylookedather.Canwekeepmydaddy?heasked.

ClarecouldseeViseyesonher.Eyesthatsaidnothingandkneweverything. ShecroucheddownbesideJoey. Yourdaddydoesntliveinthiscountry,darling.Hetravelsallovertheworld. Lotsofcountries.Soyouwontseehimveryoften. Joeyseyesclouded. Hesaidhewascomingback.When? Soon,saidClare.Shegottoherfeet. Toosoon. Herstomachchurnedatthethought. Xandergavehertilltheweekend.Heusedthetimetohisownadvantage.Ina seriesofpunishingmeetings,andflightstoGeneva,MilanandParis,hegot throughofaformidableamountofwork. HealsodisposedofSonjadeLisle.Shewasnolongerarequirement,onlyan unnecessarycomplication. Whenhegaveherthenews,sheflewintoatantrum.Eyesspitting,language foul,shestormedout,withhersuitcasesfilledtoburstingwitheverygarment, accessoryandpieceofjewelleryhedeverboughther. Fourhourslatershewasbackonthephonetohim,purringawayandsayingit hadallbeenamistakeonherpart,enticinghimbacktoher,invitinghimoverto averyintimatedinnerinthesuiteattheGrosvenorhedtakenforher,toeaseher departure. Hehunguponherinmidpurr. Memoryslicedthroughhimlikeameatcleavertothetimewhenhedgotridof anotherwomanfromhislife. Thoseexpressionlesseyes,thatverystillface

Nowheknewwhy.Shedalreadyknownshewaspregnant,andwhenhed calledtimeonhersheddecidedthatherrevengeonhimwouldbetokeephis childfromher.Andshewasdoingthesamethinginrefusingtomarryhim. Keepinghimatarmslengthfromhisson.Angerbitinhimlikeascorpions sting.Andshedhadtheunmitigatedgalltoclaimitwasbecausehewas inexperiencedwithchildren Herdoing.Shekeptmysonfromme,andnowaccusesmeofknowingnothing abouthim. Rageboiledinhim.Thenhequenchedit.Hewouldgethisson.Joeywouldgrow upwithhim.Therewasnoquestionnoquestionwhatsoever.Whateverittook toachievethat,hewoulddo. HepickedupthephoneonhisdeskandsummonedhisPA.Hisinstructionsto herhadnothingtodowithbusiness CHAPTERFIVE WELL,announcedVirobustly,tomyminditsjustthethingtogetlittleJoey usedtoyou. HereyeswentapprovinglytoXander.Clare,atthefurthestendpossibleofthe sofa,staredaghastatVi. Youcantmeanthat! HowcouldVibetakingXanderspart?Howcouldsheevenbeciviltohim?She wasbeingevenmorethancivilshewastreatinghimwithapprobation.Shed allbutforcedClaretotakeJoeyouttotheparkwithXandertoday,whenhed turnedupjustafterlunchtimeonthefirstdayoftheweekend.Clarehadwalked instonysilence,pushingthebuggy,whileXanderfocussedallhisattentionon Joey.Ithadbeenexcruciating. HisarrivalbackatVishouseafterfourdayshadsentherhopesplummeting. Shedbeenhopingagainsthopethathedgoneabroad,summonedbyallhis complexinternationalbusinessdealings.Yeteventhefewdaysintermissionhad allowedher,sheknew,tomitigatethedemolishingshockthathadpossessedher. Shedhadtimetoacceptthatthenightmarewasreal,thatXanderAnaketoshad foundoutaboutJoeyandthathewantedtobeapartofJoeyslife.

AndJoey,itseemed,twistingtheknifeinherbreast,wasofthesameopinion. Hischildishconversationhadreturnedtothesubjectofhisfathertimeandagain overthelastfewdays,andeventhoughClarehaddoneherbesttochangethe subject,Vi,ofallpeople,hadbeenmatteroffactinanswering. Hellcomewhenhecan,lamb.Dadshavetowork,remember?Sohesvery busy. Butnotbusyenough.ClarehadheardhismonsterofacararriveasJoeywas finishinghislunch,andherhearthadsunktohershoes.Nowithadcongealed intocoldice.Washeinsane,thinkingsheandJoeywouldgoonholidaywith him?YetherewasVi,thinkingitwasaperfectlyunexceptionalthingtosuggest. Yes,Viretorted.Aholidaytogetherwouldbejustthething.Itsaverygood idea. Idontwantto!Clareexclaimedvehemently. Vigaveheralevellook.Joeysgotarighttohisfather,love,shesaidcalmly. HergazewenttoXanderagain.Hegaveheraslightnodofacknowledgement. ClarewasstaringatViasifshewereatraitor. Hecancomeandvisithere!shecountered. Well,hewill,love.Andheisalready,andthatsallverywell.ButJoeyneedsto spendmoretimethanjustanoutingtotheparkorsomeplaytimeindoors.A holidaywouldbejustthething,likeIsay. Icouldntpossiblyleaveyou,Vi.Howwouldyoumanage?Claresaid desperately. Thathasbeentakencareof,Xanderinterjected.MrsPorterhasbeengood enoughtoacceptaminutetokenofmyappreciationforhercontributiontothe careofmysonovertheselastyears.WhileJoeyisonholidayshewillbetoo. Thatsright,saidVi.ThoughIdontneedthankingClareandJoeyarefamily tome.ButIllbeverygladtoseeDevonagain. Clarefeltanotherpunchofbetrayalgothroughher.Weweregoingtogothere alltogether!Inthesummer

Well,Clare,love,acaravanalwayswasgoingtobeabittrickyforme,wasntit? AndthishotelImgoingtoisspeciallyadaptedforoldpeople,anditsrighton theseafront.Itcouldntbebetter.Andthistimeofyearthetownwontbetoo crowdedeithernortheweathertoohotforme. So,doyouhaveanymoreobjections? Clareseyessnappedtothoseofthefigureattheotherendofthesofa. Somewheredeepinside,onadifferentplaneofexistencefromtheonehermind wasoccupying,somethingdetonated.Xanderwasnotwearingabusinesssuit today.Heworethekindofcasualwearthatlookedrelaxedbutwas,shecould tellataglance,extremelyexpensive.Hisdarkbluesweaterwascashmere,his loafershandmade,hispetrolbluetrousersbespoketailored. Butitwasnthisclothesthathadcausedthedetonation. Itwasthebodybeneath Thebodyshehadonceknownwithsuchsensualintimacythatifsheevenbegan torememberitwouldcrucifyher Idontneedthis. WasntithideousenoughhavingtowatchXanderwithJoeyand,worse,Joey respondingwithincreasingconfidenceandpleasuretoalltheattentionfrom him?Wasntthatenoughtormentforher? Whydidherownselfhavetobetrayheraswell? Therewasonlyonecruelcomfort,ifsuchathingwerepossibleinthisnightmare thathadengulfedhersinceshehadcomefacetofacewithXanderAnaketos again.Onlyone. That,whateverhertreacherousmemorymightbetryingtoconjureback,itwas findingnoansweringechowithinhim. Fromhimcameonlygrimhostilityandcondemnation. Begratefulforit,shethought.Begratefulhetreatsyoulikeablockofwood! Andshemustdolikewise.Itwastheonlywayshewouldbeabletocope.

Buthowcouldshepossiblysurviveaholidayinhiscompany?Shecouldnt.It wasimpossible. Well?Xanderspromptcameagain.DoyouthinkJoeywouldnotenjoythe seaside? Shewouldnot,wouldnotbesteamrolleredlikethis. Hecanenjoyithere,inthiscountry.TakinghimtotheCaribbeanisjust ridiculous. Itsatitsbestatthistimeofyear,saidXander.Andthoughtheflightislong, oneoftheadvantagesofaprivateplaneisthatwecannotonlyflywheneverwe want,buttherewillbeampleroomforJoeytomoveaboutfreelyandbe entertained.Surelyyouremember,hesaid,andhiseyeslevelledather,how easytraveliswhenyoucandoitincomfort? Shepulledhereyesaway.Oh,God,sherememberedonlytoowell.Remembered howXanderhadtakenadvantageofthesleepingaccommodationonhisprivate longhauljet. Notthatthattheyhadsleptmuch Joeywillhavealovelytime,Visaid,speakingdecisively.Andthatswhats important.Isntit,Clare,love? Shelookedspeakinglyacrossather,andallClarecoulddowasfeeltotally, absolutelybetrayed. Xandergottohisfeet.MyPAwillbeintouchonMonday,andwillmakeallthe arrangementsnecessaryincludingwhateverisneededtoexpediteJoeys passport.Heglancedathiswatch. ThegesturewasnotlostonClare.ItwasSaturdayXanderAnaketoswouldnot bespendingtheeveningalone.Whatwashiscurrentmistresslikeblonde, brunette,redhead?Petite,voluptuous,tall?Sheletthelitanyrunlikeariverof painthroughherhead.Theonewhohadreplacedherfouryearsagohadbeen heroppositeafiery,tempestuousLatinobeauty,withatasteforflamboyant, revealingclothes.Shedseenapictureofthemtogetherinagossipmagazineat theantenatalclinic.ClearlyXanderhadgotboredwiththecool,classictypethat shehadexemplified,hadwantedsomethingmoreexciting

Shetorehermindaway.XanderAnaketosssexualtastes,bothpastandpresent, wereofnoconcerntoher. Theyneverwouldbeagain. Theriverofpaininherheadintensified. CHAPTERSIX SEA!yelledJoey,besidehimselfwithexcitement.There,there! Hepointedthroughthecarwindowtowhereabayofdazzlingazurebluehad justbecomevisible,fringedwithvividemeraldgreen,alldrenchedinthehot glareoftheCaribbeansun.Theyhadlandedatthesmall,desertedairportofthis tinyCaribbeanjewelhalfanhourago,andwereheadingtothecoastina chauffeurdrivencar. ContrarytoClaresapprehensionsaboutthelongflight,Joeyhadrevelledin everymoment,fascinatedwiththeswivellingleatherseats,theseatbelts,the hugeTVscreen,theonboardbathroom,theportholes,thecockpit,thegalley,and everyotheraspectoftheprivatejetthathadwingedthemacrosstheAtlantic.To ClaresastonishmentXanderhadspentthetimeexclusivelydevotinghimselfto keepingJoeyentertained,whetherbyplayingchildishcomputergameswithhim ordoingcolouringandjigsaws.Itwasverydifferentfromhermemoriesof travellingwithXanderashismistress.Hehadeitherspentflightsworkingathis laptopandhispapersorsweepingherbacktothesleepingaccommodationfor someundividedpersonalattention. Nowhewasgivingherhisundividedpersonalinattention.Hewasturnedaway fromher,chattingtoJoey,pointingoutthesightsoftheislandslandscapes. Seethosebigtrees,andalltheroundfruitsdanglingoffthemliketheyreonbits ofstring?Thosearemangoesyoulllikemangoes.Wellhavesomefor breakfast.Theyreveryjuicyandsweet.Andthosetreestherearebananatrees. Doyouknowsomethingfunnyaboutbananas? Joeyshookhishead,eyeswide. Theygrowupsidedown.Illshowyouwhenwereatthevilla.

Clarewasstaringbleaklyoutofherwindow.ShedbeentwicetotheCaribbean withXander.Not,thankGod,tothisisland,butevenwithoutdirectmemories justbeingintheCaribbeanwaspainful.MostofthetimeshedbeenwithXander hadbeenspenttravellingwithhim.Hehadconstantlybeendoingbusiness. Onlyoccasionallyhadhepulledtheplugonhisbusinessaffairsandactuallyhad aholiday.TheirtwovisitstotheCaribbeanhadbeensuch.Theydstayedatthe kindoffivestarboutiquehideawayhotelthatwaswrittenaboutintheSunday newspaperswithbreathlessaweatwhatmoneycouldbuy,surroundedby exclusivelyrichandbeautifulpeoplethemenrich,thewomenbeautiful. ButXanderhadhardlytreatedthosestaysasholidays.Oh,hehadkeptherathis side,bothbydayandbynight,buthehadremainedinconstantcommunication withhisstaffandhadstruck,sheknew,atleastonebusinessdealwithhisfellow guests. HowmuchwouldJoeyseeofhimnow?shewondered.Itwasonethingtovisit Vishouse,anothertolivefortwoweekswithalittlechildinasecludedvilla. Thecarsweptthroughanirongatedentranceandalongagravelleddrive betweenlushvegetation,topullupoutsidealong,lowbuilding.Astheygotout ofthecar,thehumidwarmthenvelopedher.Beautifullykeptgardens,brilliant withhibiscusandbougainvillaea,surroundedthevilla,andalreadyshecould seetheflashingdartofahummingbirdamongstthevividblossoms. ShetookJoeybythehandandfollowedXanderinsideintoacoolairconditioned interior,withahigh,cathedralceiling,andthroughhugeglassdoorstoaterrace, beyondwhichJoeyimmediatelyspottedtheseaagain.Hecriedoutexcitedly, andtuggedonClareshand. Xanderturnedandheldhishandout. Letshitthebeach,Joey,hesaidwithagrin. Clarefeltpainstabthroughher.IthurttoseeXandersmilelikethat.Acarefree, boyishgrin.Hewasnotamanwhosmiledeasily. Youllneedbeachclothes,pet,shesaidtoJoey.Andsunblock. Sheledhimofftofindthebedroom,notcaringwhatXanderwanted.Her luggage,suchasitwas,wasalreadyinthebedroomthesmilingmaidshowed herto,anditdidnottakelongtogetherselfintoshortsandTshirtandJoeyinto

swimmingshortsandatopandhattoprotecthimfromthesun.Heprotested overthesunblock,butshewasadamant. FromtheverandahontowhichherroomopenedshecouldseeXander,standing byanazureswimmingpool.He,too,hadchangedforthebeach,andJoeyran downtowardshim.Shefollowedreluctantly,hercheapflipflopsflappingonthe stonepaving.ShewatchedasXandergaveJoeyanothergrin,tookhishand,and headeddownthepathtothebeach. Claremightaswellnothavebeenthere. Painstabbedagain.Tobesocutoutasifshedidnotexist Doggedly,shefollowedthetworecedingfigures.Themomenthecould,Joey slippedXandershandandrandownoverthesilveredsandintothecrystalclear turquoisewater.Asshewalkedontothebeach,Clarelookedaroundher. Itreallywaslikesomethingoutofabrochureforparadise.Thelong,lowvilla, setintojewelledgardens,thewhitesliverofbeach,fringedbycoconutpalms whosefrondswereswayinginthegentlyliftingbreeze,andeverywhere, stretchingtothehorizon,thefantasticbrillianceoftheturquoisesea.Farout,she couldseewavessplashingonareef,creatingthemirroredpondofthelagoon within. Butshewouldhavegivenanythingnottohavebeenhere Mummy!Comeinthewater!Joeysvoicewashighpitchedwithexcitement. Shewadedinwithhersandalledfeet,feelingthecoolwaterlikeabalm.Joey jumpedupanddown,thensatdownwithasplash. Youseehowhappyheis?Xandersvoicewasaccusatory.Yetyouwouldhave deprivedhimofthisasyoudeprivedhimofafather. Hereyeshardened.Donttryandmakemefeelguilty,Xander! Somethingmovedinhisface.Thenithadgone.Initsplacewasadifferent expression. ThisisntgoodforJoey.Allthisaggression.Hellpickuponitanditwillupset him.

Clarejustlookedathim.Herfacewasstony.Howcouldshepossiblyenduretwo weekshere,likethis?ForalongmomentXanderreturnedhergaze,leveland unreadable. Weregoingtohavetotalk,hesaid.Tonight,whenJoeyisinbed.Heturned away,returninghisattentiontoJoey.OK,JoeyImcomingin.Preparefor someserioussplashing! Xanderpeeledoffhistopinasinglefluidmovement,andwithouthervolition Clareseyeswenttohim.Herbreathcaught,andshewashumiliatinglygrateful forherdarkglasses. Hisbodywasasperfect,asfantastic,asshehadrememberedit.Thesmooth, strongmuscledtorso,thebroadshoulders,thelong,leanthighs,hazedlightly withdarkhair.Asherandownintothewaterpasther,hereyeswenttothe perfectsculptureofhisback,thenarrowformofhiships. Memoryburned,likeawoundinherflesh,vividandexcoriating.Onceshehad heldhiminherarms.Oncethattaut,muscledfleshhadbeenherstocaress,hers toyieldto,herstocrushherselfagainst. Andnow? Hewasgoneforever.Beyondherforever. Sheturnedaway,headingbackuptowardstheterrace. Thisholidaywouldbeaseasoninhellforher. CHAPTERSEVEN JOEYwasasleep,hisbeddrawnnexttohers,histeddytuckedinbesidehim.Jet laghadfinallyovercomehim,despitehisstateofexcitementatbeinghereon holidayandatthewonderfulnewadditiontohislife. AsClaresmoothedhisdarkhairgently,aheavinessofheartpressedonher. Howcouldtwopeoplereactsodifferentlytoanotherone?Joeyspleasureand excitementatXanderspresenceinhislifeshonefromhiseyes.Whileshe dreadedeverymomentinhiscompany.

Andnowshewasgoingtohavetofacehimagain,withoutevenJoeytodilute thehideoustensionshefelt. AnotherroundofXandersvirulenthostilitytoendure.Whatwoulditbethis time?shethoughtbitterly.Moretryingtomakeherfeelbadfornothavingtold himshewaspregnant?MorelecturesonJoeysrighttoafather?Or,worstofall, moreinsaneproposalsliketheirgettingmarried? Atleasthedbackedoffonthatone.Maybeevenhenowsawtheinsanityofit. Coldrandownherspineatthememoryofhimcoollyinformingherhewas goingtomarryher Marriagetohimwouldbeasagonisingnowasitwouldhavebeenfouryears ago.Nothingcouldchangethat Shestraightenedandlefttheroom,checkingthebabymonitorwasonandtaking thehandsetwithher.Asshewalkedbackalongtheterraceshecouldhearthe cicadasinthebushes,theoccasionalpiercingchirrupofatreefrog,andfeelthe encirclingwarmthofthetropicalnightembraceher.Shewasstillwarm,evenin shortsandTshirt.Shehadntbotheredtochange.Whatfor? Whofor? NotforXander,thatwasforsure. Neveragainforhim. Theheavinessinherheartcrushedheryetmore. TheswiftCaribbeannighthadfallen.Theskytothewestcarriedthefaint remainsofblueness,whileintheeastbrilliantgoldstarswereprickingthrough thefloorofheaven. Thebeautyofthesettingmockedher. So,too,evenmorecruelly,didthebeautyofthemanwaitingforher,inanold fashionedsteamerchairsetonthelawnnearthepool,hislegsstretchedout,a bottleofcoldbeerinhisgrip.Helookedatherasshewalkedtowardshim.

Shefeltsuddenlyacutelyselfconscious.Therewassomethinginthewayhewas watchingherthathadnothingtodowiththewayhehadregardedhersince theirfateful,nightmareencounterinthecocktaillounge. Heavily,sheplonkedherselfdownintheothersteamer.Almostinstantlyoneof thehousestaffwasthere,enquiringpolitelywhatshewouldliketodrink.She askedforafruitpunch,anditwastheremomentslater,servedinabeautiful expensiveglass,withslicesoffreshfruitandafrostedrim.Shetookasipand frowned.Ithadalcoholinitrum,probably.Foraninstantshethoughttoreturn it,thenshruggedmentally.ShecouldprobablydowithsomeDutchcourage. ShelookedacrossatXander. Well?shesaid.Shemightaswellgetthisoverwith.Youwantedtotalk,so talk. Forasecondhesaidnothing.Thenhespoke.Youvechanged.Iwouldhardly haveknownyou. Evenintheduskshecouldfeelaflushinhercheeksashisglancelevelledather assessingly. Well,thatshardlysurprising,sheretorted.Mylifestylesalittledifferent,she saidsarcastically. Hegaveaquickshakeofhishead.Idontmeanyourlooks.Thats understandable.Imeanyou.Hepaused,lookingather.Youreharder. Shegaveasnort.Dependsonthecompany,shesaid.Shetookamouthfulofthe rumpunch.Thealcoholkickedthroughher. Hiseyesnarrowed.SothisistherealyouImseeingnow?Ineversawitbefore. No,shethought,becauseIwasntlikethatthen.Iwasstupid.Trusting. Hopeful. Stupid. Well,sowhat?Thatwasthen,thiswasnow.Shetookanotherdrinkfromher cocktail,andstaredacrossatXander.

IthoughtyouwantedtotalkaboutJoey,shedemanded Hedidntlikeherspeakingtohimlikethat,shecouldsee.Butshedidntcare. Hewasrightshewasntthesamepersonshehadbeenwhenshedbeenhis mistress.Shewashardernow.Shedhadtobe.Hadtobeeversincethemoment shedmurmured,Willyouexcusemeamoment?tohimintherestaurantatthe StJohnandwalkedoutofhislife.Takingthemarchingordershedjusthanded herwithbrutalsuddenness. Obviously,heansweredbrusquely.Whatelsewouldwehavetotalkabout? Forasecond,theverybriefestsecond,therewasashiftinhiseyes.Thenitwas gone.LikeItoldyouthisaggressionisnotgoodforhim.Itsgottostop. Shestaredathim.Sostopit,shesaid. Hismouthtightened.Hedefinitelydidnotlikebeingspokentolikethat.Then, visibly,hemadehisexpressionimpassive. ForJoeyssake,Iwill.Andsowillyou. ForamomentClarewantedtobitebackthatshedidnottakeorders.Thenshe subsided.Joeywouldonlybeupsetifherealisedhowmuchhostilitytherewas betweenthetwopeoplewhohadcreatedhim. OK,sheconceded.InfrontofJoey. Heshookhishead. Notgoodenough.Itsnotsomethingyoucanturnonandoff,wheneverhes aroundornot.Itsgottobepermanent. Shejustlookedathim.Lookedatthemanwhohaddeletedherfromhisbed hislifeinasinglesentence.Withbrutalwords.Amanshehadactuallythought feltforhersomethingthatwentbeyondherroleashismistress. Butallhehadfeltforherhadbeenappreciation. Appreciationthathehadpaidforwithadiamondnecklace. Howthehell,shesaidheavily,doyouthinkthatspossible?

Againtherewasthatbriefflickerinhiseyes.Thenitwasgone. Byforcingourselves,hereplied.Untilitbecomesahabit.Becausethisisnt goingtogoaway.Iamnotgoingtogoaway.Imgoingtobepartofmysonslife foreverandyoudbetteracceptthat.ThisiswhatIpropose Shesnortedagain.Notanotherinsaneidealikethelastone,Ihope? Againcamethatstrange,veryfleetingexpressioninhiseyes,whichshecould hardlyseeinthisdimlight. No.ForJoeyssakewebehavenormallywitheachother.Puttingeverything elseaside.Andwecanstartrightnow.Hegottohisfeet.Overdinner. Heindicatedtheterrace,andClarecouldseethatthetabletherehadbeensetfor ameal,withflowersandnaperyandsoftcandles.Xanderwaslookingather.She headedtowardsit,rumpunchinherhand,andplonkedherselfdown,flicking herplaitoverhershoulder. Hetookhisplaceoppositeher.ItseemedawholelottoocloseforClaresliking. Yourhairislonger,hesaid. Longhairscheaperthanshort,sheanswered. Whydoyouwearitconstrainedlikethatinaapigtailallthetime? Shelookedathim.ItkeepsitoutofthewaywhenImbusy. Well,youareonholidaynow.Youdonthavetobebusy.Youcanrelax.Let yourhairdown. Hiseyesflickedoverher.InthepitofherstomachClarefeltdesirebegintopool. Theappearanceofthestewardwasareprieve,andthewholeformalrigmarole ofservingdinnergavehertheinsulationsheneeded.Wineandwaterwas poured,breadwasproffered,platesdepositedwithglovedhands.Thismightbe avillabythesea,butitwasasilverservice.Nodoubt. SicklysherealisedthatthelasttimeshehadsathavingdinnerwithXanderit hadbeenthenightshehadbeenterminated.

Hehadseemedpreoccupiedthenandwithhindsight,ofcourse,ithadbeen obviouswhy.Hehadntevenwantedtobetherehadsimplybeenwaitingfor themomenttohitthedeletebuttononher Sheglancedacrossathimnow.Fouryearsago.Haditreallybeensolong?It seemedmuch,muchcloserintimethanthat. Butitwasntitwasfouryearsago.Fouryearsandeverythingchangedthat night.Yourwholelife.AndnothingnotevenXanderAnaketosstormingback toclaimhisfatherhoodofJoeywillchangeitback.Nothing. Shestartedtoeat. Itwasastrained,bizarremeal.Xandermadeconversation.Deliberatelyso,she realized.Perhapspartlyforthewaitingstaff,butalsobecausehewasfollowing hisownpreceptsandtryingtogiveanappearanceofnormalitytotheirdining. Hetalkedoftheislandalittleofitshistoryasaformercolony,andthe activitiesitaffordedthoserichenoughtoholidayhere.Clarereturnedthebarest replies,afeelingofunrealityseepingthroughher. Shetriednottolookathim,triednottohearthatnaturallyseductivetimbrein hisvoice,triednottocatchthescentofhisskin.Shehadtostopherself,she knew.Butitwasatorment. Ivegottogetusedtothis.Ihavenootheroption.SoifImtoendureit,Imust makemyselfimmunetoit.Tohim. Itwaswithasenseofreliefthatshefeltherselfyawnattheendofthemain course.Shepushedherchairback.Theglassofwineshedsippedalmost withoutrealisingit,combinedwithjetlag,wasknockingheroutfast. Imfallingasleep,shesaid.Imgoingtogotobed. Didthatslightestflickercomeagain?Shedidntknow,didntcarewastootired tothinkaboutit. Illseeyouinthemorning,hemurmured,andreachedforhisownwineglass. Shelefthimtoitandheadedindoors.Thecooloftheairconditioningmadeher shiverafterthewarmthoutdoors.

Orsomethingdid. Behindher,Xanderwatchedhergo.Hisexpressionwasstrange.Hismood stranger.Shehadchanged,allrightshewasadifferentwomanfromtheonehe remembered.Theonewhohadbeensoreservedshehadrefusedtolookathim ashewalkedpastthetimehedfirstspottedherathisLondonoffices.Theone whohadbecomehismistresswithoutamurmur,hercool,understatedbeauty engaginghisinterestasanintriguingcontrasttothesophisticatedpassionsofthe previousincumbent,whosecharmshadpalledforhim.Clarehadfittedintohis lifeeffortlessly,andhehadtakenherwithhimbecauseshedbeenundemanding andaccommodating,calmandcomposedtheclassicEnglishrosewithout thorns Hismouthtwisted.Well,thathadgone,andwithavengeance!Nowshe scratchedandtoreathimverbally,snappedandsnarledandansweredback, defyinghimandrefusingtodowhatwasbestforhisson.Hisexpression darkened.Wouldsherealisewhyhehadbroughtherhere?Heliftedthewineto hismouthandsavoureditsrich,expensivebouquet.Hiseyesglintedopaquely. Notuntilitsfar,fartoolateforher CHAPTEREIGHT CLAREsatonapaddedloungeronthebeach,undertheshadeofacoconut palm,lookingoutoverthebrilliantazurewaterbeyondthesilversand. Shehadbeenhereaweek.Themostdifficultweekofherlife.Eventhedaysafter Xanderhadthrownheroutofhislife,evenwhenshehadgivenbirthtohischild, eventhenightmareofcomingfacetofacewithhimagain,didnotcomparewith this. Eachpassingdayhereseemedmoredifficultthanthelast.Shetriedherhardest nottoletitshowforJoeyssaketobecalmandnormal,toconcealfromhimthe emotionsroilinginthepitofherstomach,tospeakcivillytoXandersothatJoey wouldnotbeupset.Butitwashard,sohard. Butonlyforher,itseemed.Joey,shecouldseewithherowneyes,dayafterday, washavingthetimeofhislifeandsowasXander. Hereyeswenttothetwofiguresinthesea,onesosmall,battlingwithhis armbands,theothertallandbronzedandlithe.ShewatchedJoeythrowinga

hugeinflatedballatXander,whomadeavastlyexaggeratedplayoflaunching himselfsidewaystocatchit,landinginthewaterwithanalmightysplash.Joey whoopedwithlaughterandXandersurfaced,hisgrinwide,shakingwaterdrops fromhishead. Clarefeltherhandstightenaroundherbook.Watchingthemtogethersenta painthroughherheartshecouldnotstop. CouldthatreallybeXanderAnaketosthere?Playingwithhislittlechild?Itwasa manshehadneverseenbefore.Xanderasshehadneverknownhim.Aman whopainpiercedherhadexistedonlyinherimagination,forsobriefand patheticatime,whenshehadhopedagainsthopethathefeltsomethingforher, thatwhenshetoldhimthenewsthatshewaspregnanthewouldsweepherup intohisarmsanddeclarehisloveforhermarryher,makethemafamily together Thatdreamhadbeenobliteratedforeverinasinglemoment. Itsover. Painstabbedagain,thedeepestyet.Allshehadwasthishollowmockerythree peoplewholookedlikeafamilybutwhowerenosuchthing Mummy!Mummy!Comeinthewater! Joeysexcitedvoicecalledtoher.Hewaswadingout,runningacrossthesandto her.Heseizedherhand.Comeon,Mummy,hesaid,andstartedtodragather. Yourmotherwantstorest,Joey.Xandersdeepvoicesoundedashecameupto Joey,readytoleadhimbacktothesea.Waterranfromhissleek,baretorso, dazzlinglikediamonds.Claredidnotwanttolook. Joeysexpressiongrewdoleful.Itsnofunresting,heobjected.Comeon, Mummy. Claregottoherfeet.OfcourseIllcomein,shesaid.Therewasnopointlying there,heartheavy. Joeyseizedherhandenthusiastically,thengrabbedXandershand. Swingme!hecommanded.

AutomaticallyClareraisedherarm,asdidXander. One,two,three,swing!orderedJoey. Sheheftedhimup,andXanderdidtoo. Whee!criedJoey.Again,again! One,two,three,swing!saidClare,heftingJoeyupagain,andrealisedthatshe hadsaiditinunisonwithXander.Hereyesflewtohis,andjustforamoment, thebriefestmoment,theymet.Thenshetorehereyesaway. Emotionbuckledthroughher. Suddenly,outofnowhere,itseemedunbearablejustunbearable.Tobehere, Joeysmotherandfather,soclosetohim,withhimlinkingthemtogether,and yettobesounbridgeablyfarapart. Swingmeintothewater! Youllhavetorun,then,saidXander.HeglancedatClare.Ready?hesaid. Shenodded.Theyran,allthreeofthem,downintothewater,andatthelast momenttheyliftedhimupandup,thenswunghimoutandlethimgointhe deeperwater.Hegaveasquealofgleeashesplasheddown. Clarelaughed.Shecouldnotstopherself.ShefeltXanderseyesonheraswell, andsuddenlyhegavealaughtoo,plungingforwardtoscoopupJoey. Throwmeagain,Daddy! Xanderlaughed,andtossedhimoncemoreintothewaterwithahugesplash. AndnowClarewasntlaughing.Shefelt,ofallthings,herthroatconstrictand tearsstartinhereyes. HewasgoodwithJoeysogood!Theevidencecouldnotbedenied.Fulloffun, laughterand,mostpiercinglypainfulofall,affection.Andsheknew,withadeep hollowingofherstomach,fulloflove.LoveforJoey.Hisson. AndJoeylovedhim,too.Shecouldseethatcouldnotdenyit.Andhowshould itnotbe?Hewasafatheranychildwouldadore.

Memorycametoheroutoftheyearssolongago.Abeachholidaywithher parents.Shedonlybeenlittle,howoldshecouldnotremember,butshe rememberedherparents,runningdownintotheseawithher,howhappyshe hadbeen IshouldhavetoldhimIshouldhavetoldhimIwaspregnant.Ishouldhave takentheriskandlivedwithit.Hehadarighttoknow,andJoeyhadarighttoa father. Theselfaccusationburnedinher.Xandermightnotbecapableofloveforher perhapsnotforanywomanbuthewascapableofloveforJoey.Andshemust acceptit.Whateveritcosther,howevercruelthefateshehadbeenleftwith.The fateofknowingthatallshecouldhavewasthisbittermockerytoseeXander withJoey,sowarmandloving,andknowthatshewasforeverexcluded. Andanothertormenttoo.Onethatwastwistinginherdayafterday,nightafter night.ForifthedayswerebadwhenshehadtowatchXanderandJoeyforge theirnewbondtogether,abondthatshutherouttheeveningswereeven worse.Becauseeveryevening,whenJoeywasasleep,shehadtoendurethe ritualtortureofdiningwithXander. Andthatwastheworstofall.Forthemostawfulofreasons. Anguishflashedinhereyes. Why?Whywasitsohard?Itshouldbegettingeasier,notharder!Dayafterday ofseeingXanderagainsurelyitshouldbegettingeasiertoendure?Sheshould begettingmoreimmunetohim,daybydaysurelysheshould? Andyetshewasnt.Herhelpless,cripplingawarenessofhimwasincreasing.It wasatormentaterror.Everythingabouthimdrewhereyemadeher punishinglyawareofhim. DuringthedayshecouldfightitshehadJoeyspresencetostrengthenher.But overdinnerOh,then,dearGod,itwasanexcruciatingtorment.Forhimtobe soclosetoher,afewfeetawayacrossthetableandyetfurtherfromherthanif hehadbeenonthemoon. Shehadtriedtofightit,butitwassohard,soimpossible.Whileshehadbeen abletoresorttoopenhostilityithadbeenabulwark,abarrieragainsthim.But now

Idontwanttowanthim! Asshestaredoutoverthebeach,lethereyesrunwithhelplesslongingoverhis lean,muscledtorso,feastonthesculptedfeaturesofhisface,caughtherbreath ashethrewbackhissableheadandlaughed,shefeltherstomachclench unbearablyandknewthetruththatterrifiedher. ShestillwantedXanderAnaketos. Whateverhehaddonetohershestillwantedhim. XanderliftedhiswineglassandlookedacrossthetableatClare.Turbidemotion, lacedwithmemory,swirledwithinhim,butheignoredit.Thepastwasgone, over.Itwasthepresenthehadtodealwith.Andtheabsolutepriorityrightnow wastoachievehisgoal.Hewoulddoso.Hehadnodoubt.Hehadalways achievedhisgoalsinlife.Hewouldnow,toowhateverittook.Toomuchwas atstake.Hissonsfuture. Hisson Ashehaddonetimeaftertime,wheneverthosewordsranginhishead,hefelt hisheartturnover.Catchandswellwithprideandlove.Howwasitpossible thatheshouldfeelsostrongly?Emotionhadneverfiguredmuchinhislife.He hadhadnouseforit,noneedofit,andhehadalwayskeptitatbay,taking whateverstepsnecessarytodoso.Ironyflickeredbriefly,thenhebrushedit aside,asanirrelevancethathecoulddowithout.Andyetwhenhehadseteyes onJoey,recognisedhimashisson,hisreactionhadbeenoverwhelming.Inan instanthissonhadbecometheoverridingimperativeofhislife. EverydayhespentwithJoeyonlymadehimmoredeterminedthathewould spendhislifewithhim.Andhowheachievedthatdidnotmatter.Onlyhissons happinessmattered.AndJoeywashappyeverygrin,everyexcitedcryofglee, toldhimthat.Therewasnosign,noneatall,thatJoeysensedanyhostility betweenhisparents. HewatchedasClarecrumbledapieceofbreadinherfingers.Hehaddemanded acessationofhostilitiesandshehadcomplied.Hegrantedherthat.Fromthe outsidetheymustlooklikeanormalfamilyonholiday.

Hismouthtwisted.Howdeceptiveappearancescouldbe. Andyet Xandersfingerstightenedmomentarilyaroundthestemofhiswineglass.That momenttoday,whentheyhadswungJoeyintothewater,forafewfleeting momentstheyhadactedinunison,asifitwerenormal,naturaltodoso.Asifthe appearancewas,evenforabriefmoment,thereality. Hiseyesrestedonhissonsmother. Fouryearssinceshehadbeeninhislife. Shehadchanged,indeed.Orhadshemerelyrevealedthepersonshehadalways been,havingconcealeditfromhimwhenshewashismistress?Hehadcalled herhardernowthanwhenhehadfirstknownher,andwithhimthatwastrue andyetwithJoeyshewasassoftasbutter.Emotionswarredwithinhim.What shehaddonewasunforgivabletokeephissonfromhim,todenyJoeyhis father.Andyetalltheevidenceofhiseyes,bothinLondonandnowhere,day afterday,wasthatshewasdevotedasamother.Warmandloving.Affectionate anddemonstrative. Agoodmother. Hehadtoallowherthat,begrudgeitthoughhedid.Andforhissonssake,he hadtobegrateful.EventhoughthedisparitybetweenhowshewaswithJoey andeverythingelseheknewaboutherwassodiscordant. Hefrownedinwardly.WithJoeyhesawherbeingsomeonehehadneverseen before.Adifferentwomanfromtheonehedknownfouryearsago.Ashis mistressshehadalwaysbeensocool,sodetached,soundemonstrative.Ashis mistresshehadfoundithighlyeroticknowingthat,forallheroutward composure,allhehadtodowastouchherandshewouldcomealiveathis touch.Withinsecondsshewouldbequiveringwithpassion.Ithadbeena powerfulfascinationforhim,thecontrastbetweenherpublicselfandtheprivate onethathecouldarouseinher. Thatalonehadbeenenoughtojustifywhyhehadkepthersomuchlongerthan anyothermistress.

Foramomenthiseyesshadowed,asherememberedagainthemomentwhenhe hadfinishedwithher.Whenshehadgottoherfeetandwalkedcalmlyoutofhis life.Carryinghischildawaywithheroutofspiteforbeingdiscarded. No.Hesethisglassdownwithaclickonthesurfaceofthetable.Therewasno pointgoingthere.Nopurposeinrevisitingthepast.Itwasthepresenthehadto dealwithandthefuture.Thatwasallthatwasimportant.Rightnow,onlyhis sonshappinesswasimportantandhewouldtakewhatevermeasures necessarytosafeguardthathappiness. Whatevermeasuresnecessary Hiseyesrestedonthewomanwhohadoncebeenhismistress,andhefocussed hismindonthetaskahead.Shehadbeenresponsivetohimthenoh,so responsive!andneitherthepassageoffouryears,northespleneticangershe hadunleashedonhim,norhercursedvindictivenesstowardshimbykeeping hissonfromhim,hadchangedthat.Hedhadproof,everydaytheydbeenhere, withnoroomforhertoshuthimout,ignorehim,escapehim. Exactlytheproofhewanted. Heeasedhisshouldersandloungedbackinhischairasthestaffserveddinner. Oppositehim,Claresatstiffly.Buthereyeshadfollowedhismovement,he knew.Surreptitiously,butdiscernibly.Hecouldseehereyesfollowinghimand thenflickingaway,thewayshedidntwanttomeethiseyes,thewayshepulled herselfawayfromhimifhegottooclose.Herwholebodylanguageand behaviourwithhimbetrayedher. Well,thatwasgoodverygood.Justwhathewanted. Excitementflaredbrieflyinhim,buthesuppressedit.Initsplaceheforced himselftolookatherwithimpassiveobjectivity. Fouryearsonherbeautyhadmatured.Evenwithouthermakingtheslightest attempttoimproveonnaturebywayofmakeup,hairstylingorclothes,her beautyrevealeditself.BeneaththecheapfabricofherTshirthecouldseethe softswellofherbreasts,andherchainstoreshortscouldnotdisguisethe slendernessofherwaistandhips,thelongsmoothcurveofherthighs. Hefelttheshimmerofsexualarousaleasethroughhim.

Asliverofemotionbrokethroughthebarrierhedimposed. CanIreallygothroughwiththis? Foramomentdoubtpossessedhim.Thenhefreedhimself. Hewoulddowhatheintended. Forhissonssake. Tonightwastheworstyet.Claresat,tensionrackingthrougheverylimb,and pickedattheexquisitelypresentedfoodinfrontofher.Itfeltsowrongnotto appreciateitmore,butshehadnoappetite.Maybetoomuchsun? Butsheknewthatwasntthereasonshehadnoappetitewasntthereasonshe kepttakingrepeatedunwisesipsfromherwine,evenaftershedfortifiedherself withtherumpunchthatshewasdiligentlyhandedeveryeveningasshe emergedfromseeingJoeytosleep. Thereasonshefeltsostrangelyweak,sohazed,wasnotbecauseofthesun.It wasbecauseofthemansittingoppositeher.Themanwhowasliftinghiswine glasstohislipswithalounginggracethatsentatremorthroughherveins.The manwhoselonglegswerestretchedoutunderneaththetable,soclosetohers thatshehadtoinchthemaway,awkwardlyshiftingherposition. Themanwhosegazewasrestingonhernow,withanexpressionshecouldnot read. Shetookaforkfuloffoodandtriedtochewit,butitwashardtoswallow.She washeditdownwithanothermouthfulofwineandsettheforkbackonthe plate,lettingitbe. Youdontlikethefish? Xandersenquiry,civillymade,butwiththeslightestlazydrawlinit,drewa quickshakeoftheheadfromher. Imjustnothungry,shesaid.

Thechefwillcookyousomethingelse.Youonlyhavetosay. Nono,thankyou. Shetookanothersipofwineforsomethingtodo.Shecouldfeeltheeffectsof thealcoholandknewsheshouldnotdrinkanymore.Yetitseemedtogiveher thestrengthsheknewsheneeded.Shetookanothersip,turningherheadtogaze outoverthesoftlylitpoolandtheglimmeringseabeyond.Shecouldjustmake outtheshapeofthepalmfronds,outlinedagainstthesky. Itwassobeautiful. Idyllic. Idyllictobehere,onthisbeautifultropicalisland,withthewarmthkissingher body,thesoftestbreezeplayingwithherhair,thecoilofwineinherblood easingthroughherveins. Shegazedoutovertheview,diminthestarlightandtheshimmerofthepool lights. Herthoughtswerestrange. Unreal. Slowlyshedrankmorewine. AcrossthetableshecouldhearthechinkofXandersknifeandfork,buthedid nottalktoher. Shewasglad.Theirstilted,deliberateconversationsoverdinnerthislastweek hadbeenanordealforher.Silencewaseasier. Sheeasedbackinthechair,stretchingoutherlegs,andkeptongazingouttosea. Shecouldhearthewaves,murmuringontheshore,thewindsoughingsoftlyin thepalms,thesoporificsongofthecicadas. Herbodyfeltwarmfromtheheatoftheday.Warmandlanguorous. Shefeltherselfeasingmoreinherchair,stretchingoutherlegsyetmore. Liftingthewineglasstoherlips.

Itwasempty. Curious,shethought,andtwistedherslenderfingersarounditsstem,slowly replacingitonthetable. Xanderwaswatchingher. Hedstoppedeating.Hewassittingthereinhischair,verystill.Hiseyeswere narrowed,veryslightlynarrowed. Memoryhollowedwithinherlikeacaverningspace,envelopingtime.Sheknew thatlookknewitinthecoreofherbody,inthesuddenpulseofherblood.Her eyeslockedtohis.Locked,andwereheld. Shecouldnotmove.Couldonlyfeeltheheatofherbodystarttospread,likea long,lowflush.Couldonlyfeelherheartinhercheststarttobeatwithlong,low slugs,adrumbeatingoutaslow,insistentmessagethatsheknewoh,she knew. Xandergottohisfeet.Shewatchedhim,eyesstilllockedtohis,ashecame aroundtheendofthetabletowhereshesat.Hereacheddownhishandtoher. And,eversoslowly,sheputherhandinhis. Hedrewhertoherfeet. Foronelast,longmomenthiseyesstayedlockedtohers.Andthenthedark sweepofhislashesdippedandhisheadlowered. Hislipswerevelvetonhers,touchingherwithliquidsmoothness,dissolving throughher.Itwasblisshoneyed,sweetestblissandshefelthereyesflutter shutasshegaveherselftotheexquisitesensation.Withinfiniteskillheplayed withhermouth,andyetwitheverytouchhiskissdeepened,strengthened. Somehowshedidnotknowhow,couldnottellhishandshadfoldedaround her,onesplayedacrossherspineatherwaist,oneatthetendernapeofherneck, holdingherforhim. Shefeltherselfsinking,yieldingtothesensationshewasarousinginher. Fromtouchexquisitetouch.

And,morepotentstill,frommemory. Becauseherbodyremembered.Rememberedasiffouryearshadneverbeen. Instinctively,asifshehadalways,alwaysbeeninhisarms,hisembrace.Asifno timehadpassedatall.Asifithaddissolvedathisliquidtouch. Howlongshestoodthere,withhishandsglidingdownthelengthofherspine whilehismouthgaveplaytohers,softly,arousingly,oh,soarousingly,shedid notknow.Didnotknowwhenitwasthatshefeltthestrongcolumnsofhis thighspressingagainsthers,guidingher,turningher,orwhenhishandslidto hers,foldingitwithinhisfingersashismouth,stilldippinglowoverhers,drew backenoughforhimtostarttoleadherleadhertowhereshecouldonlyache togo. Shewashelpless,sheknew.Knewsomewhereinthelastfrailremnantsofher mindthatshecouldnotstop,couldnothaltwhatwashappeningtoher.Could onlygowhereshewasbeingled,alongtheterracetoanotherdoor,another room,aroomwithawide,luxuriousbed.Hewasguidinghertowardsit,his mouthdippingtohers,tastingher,caressingher,arousingher Andshewasresponding.Shefelttheheatflowinherveins,flushingthroughher skin,warmingherwithitssoft,insistentfire.Shecouldfeelherselfquickening, tightening,tauteningherbodysresponsesfeedingoffhim,offitself.Her breathingquickenedtoo,herpulsebeginningtobeatmorerapidly. Hewasloweringherdownuponsoftsheetsalreadydrawnbackbythemaids, thepillowyieldingasherheadpresseddown,hismouthstillonhers. Herhandswereonhisback,andasthehardmusclesandfleshindentedtoher fingersshefeltmemoryfloodbackintoherheadlikearacingtide. Oh,dearGod,itwasXanderXanderinherarmsagain,Xandersmouthon hers,hishandscaressingher,hisstrong,leanbodypressingdownonhers. Desirewasunleashedwithinher,andhunger,suchahunger,raveningand desperate,tohavehim,toholdhim,totouchhimandpossesshimtogive herselftohim. Swiftly,hepulledoffherTshirt,andsheliftedherarmstolethim,andinthe sameskilledmovementhisfingershadslippedthefasteningofherbra.Itwas fallingloose,looseningitsburdenwithin,sothatherbreastsspilledintohis returninghands.

Herbackarchedinpleasureasherbreastsfilledhisgrasp,andthen,ashis thumbteasedovertheinstantlystiffeningpeaks,alow,longmoancamefrom herthroat. Howcouldshehaveforgottensuchbliss?Howcouldshehavelivedwithoutit? Itwasecstasy,itwasheaven,itwaseverythingshehadeverwanted,couldever want.Thelow,gaspingmoancameagain,andasifithadbeenasignalhishands wentfromherbreaststoherwaist,liftingherhips,slidingdowntheunnecessary coveringofherclothes.Andthenhisbodywasagainsthers.Hewasnaked.How hadthathappened?Shedidnotknow,didnotcareknewonlythatherhips wereliftingtohimevenwhileatherbreastshismouthwaslowering. Sensationfloodedthroughher.Theexquisitearousalofhistongue,slowly circlingthestrainingpeaksofhernipples,shotwithamilliondartsofpleasure, makingherneckarchback,herlipspart. Shewantedmore,andyetmore.Aninfinityofmore!Herbodyknewandwas askingforit,cravingit,hungeringforit,hipsliftingtohim,wantinghimoh, wantinghimsomuch,somuch Shecouldfeelherselfflooding,dewingwithdesire,andshecouldfeelhim,feel theseekingtipofhisvelvetshaft.Excitementburstthroughher,moreintense, moreurgentthanever,andshegaveagainthatlowmoanoflonginginher throat. Hisheadliftedfromherbreast.Foronelong,endlessmomenthiseyeslooked intohers.Inthedimnessshecouldnotseehisface,onlythefaintoutlineofhis features,onlytheglintoflightintheeyesthatheldhersheldhersasslowly, withinfinitecontrol,whileshegazedwildly,helplesslyupathim,herbody flushedandachingforhim,hecamedownonher. Hefilledhercompletely,inoneslow,engorgingstroke,andasshepartedfor him,tookhimin,itwasifshehadmeldedtohim,becomeonewithhim. Herhandsconvulsedaroundhisback,herhipsstrainingagainsthis. Hewassayingsomething,whisperingGreekwordsshedidnotunderstand.She knewonlythatsuddenly,outofnowhere,therhythmhadchanged,that suddenly,outofnowhere,hewasmovingagainwithinhernotslowlynow, buturgently,desperately.

Sheansweredhimmeetingeachthrustingstrokewithherownbody,clutching athimwithherhands,hershouldersliftingfromthepillows,bowingherself towardshim,legslockingaroundhim. Shecriedout,andwhatshecriedshedidnotknowknewonlythatshewanted him,neededhimtoholdher.Heheldhersocloselyashethrustintoher,deeper andmoredeeplyyet,untilhestrucktheverycentreofherbeing.Theveryheart ofher. Andshecriedoutagain. Acrystifledashismouthcaughthers,asherbodycaughtfirefromhis.It sheetedthroughherbody,whitehot,searingwithasensationsointenseitwas asifneveruntilthismomenthadsheexisted. Itwentonandon,floodingthroughtime,dissolvingitasifitdidnotexist. Burningawayeverythingthathadcomebetweenthem.Emotionsweptthrough her,overwhelmingandoverpowering.Fillingher,floodingher. Sheknew,withoutuncertaintyordoubt,withouthesitationorresistance,what thatemotionwas. Andastherealisationgapedthroughhersherealisedthemostterribletruthin theworld. ShewasstillinlovewithXanderAnaketos. CHAPTERNINE CLARElayinhisarms.Shecoulddonothingelse.Shehadnostrengthtomove. Nostrengthofbodyorofsoul.Shelayquitestill,herheadrestingonhischest, hisarmaroundhershoulder,hishandlyingslacklyonherupperarm,hislegs stillhalftangledwithhers. Shedisengaged,herbodyslippingfromhis,indentingheavilyintothemattress, asherheartratebegantoslow,herheatedfleshtocool. Whathadshedone?Whatmadness,insanityhadpossessedher? Andmorethanthatwhatcriminalstupidityhadshecommitted?

Theylaythere,twopeopletwocompletelydissociatedpeople.Lyingthere, fleshagainstflesh,herssoftandexhausted,hishardandmuscled,bathedina faint,coolingsheenofsweat,chillingintheairconditionedatmosphere. Butshedidntcareaboutthecold. Itechoedthechillinsideherhead,wherehermindwasveryslowlyrepeating, likeanendlessreplay,thesamequestion. WhathaveIdone?WhathaveIdone? Shewentonlyingthere,hermindbarelyworking,asifshutdownoron standby.Becausetherewasaprogramrunningthatwastakingupallherbrain onlyshecouldnotletitoutintoherconsciousness.Yetitwasgrowingallthe time,consumingmoreresources,morespace,consumingeverythingshewas. Shestaredoutblindlyintothedarkroom. Washeasleep?Therewasnomovementnonefromthebodybesideher,only thesubduedriseandfallofhischest.Shewaited,hearingthroughherbonesthe unevenslugofherownheartunquiet,unresting. Quietlysheslidfromthebed.Hestilldidnotmove.Carefully,shakily,she pickedupherdiscardedclothes,notfindingherbra,notcaringcaringonlythat shepulledonhershorts,pulledonherTshirt,coveredhernakedness. Andshewent.Fleeingfromthesceneofhercrime,herunspeakablefolly. Sheslippedoutontotheterrace,thehumidwarmthofthetropicalnighthitting herlikeawall.Foramomentshegaspedinthesteamyair,asifunableto breathe,andthen,swallowinghard,madeherwaytoherownroom.Inside,she ranforthebathroom. Theshowerwashotashotasshecouldstandit.Washingher.Washing everythingfromher. Everythingbuttheknowledgeofwhatshehaddone. Then,likeawoundedanimal,shecrawledtoherbed.

Besideher,undisturbed,hersonlaysleeping.Thefruitofherfolly.Thefollyof beinginlovewithXanderAnaketosforwhichfollyshemustnowpaythesame killingpriceshehadpaidbefore. Outoverthewaternothingstirredexceptthefaint,faroffsoundoftheseaon thereef.BehindXandertheincessantcicadaskeptuptheirsussuratingchorus, andinthepalmsabovehisheadthenightwindsoughed.Somewherealonedog barked,andfellsilent. Xanderstoodstaringsightlesslyouttosea,tothedarkhorizonbeyond.Hehad waiteduntilshehadgone,lyinginthesimulationofsleep.Thenhehadgotout ofbed,unabletostaytherelonger.Pulledonhisjeansandwalkedouthere,into thedarkness.Thewarmthofthetropicalnightlappedhim,yethefeltcold.He plungedhishandsfurtherintothepocketsofhisjeans,roughlydrawnon,his torsostillbare,likehisfeet. Thecoldnesswasallthewaythroughhim.Chillinghimtothecore. Hehaddonewhathehadsetouttodo.Achievedhisgoal. Heshouldbepleased.Satisfied. Relieved. Hefeltnoneofthesethings. Onlythathehadmadeaterrible,catastrophicmistake. Iveeatenmybreakfast.Comeandplay,Daddy! Joeybeamedinvitingly.Heseemedcompletelythankfullyoblivioustothe atmosphereatthetable. Youcouldcutitlikeaknife,thoughtClare,herfaceexpressionless.Shewas movinglikeamummy,wrappedupsotightlythatshewasalmostincapableof moving.Therewerecirclesunderhereyesfromasleepless,selflaceratingnight.

Joeyhadwokenathiscustomaryearlyhour,andshehadgonewithhim,likean automaton,tomaketheircustomaryearlymorninginspectionofthegardens andwalkalongthebeachtillbreakfast.Usuallyitwasthetimeshealmost enjoyedsoquiet,inthecoolesttimeoftheday,andsafefromXander,whom shewouldnotseetillbreakfast.ItwasatimewhenshehadJoeyalltoherself andcouldalmostforgetjusthowtotallyherlifehadchangednow.How disastrously. Butthismorningthewalkalongthebeachhadbeentorture.Hellinthemiddle ofparadise. Thebeautyoftheislandhadmockedhermercilessly,showinghercruelly, pitilessly,witheveryglintofsunlightofftheazurewater,everycurveofthe emeraldfringedbay,everygrainofsoft,silverysand,justhowmiserycould dwellinthemidstofbeauty. Now,asshesatatthebreakfasttable,shecouldnotlethereyesgonearXander. Couldsaynothingtohim.Couldnotbeartobenearhim.Yetshehadto.For Joeyssakeshehadtomakeeverythingappearnormal,thoughthemockeryofit screamedatherinherhead.Herawarenessofhispresencewaslikearadio tunedtoapitchthatwaslikefingernailsscraping.Everymovehemade,every tersesyllablehespokeinresponsetoJoeysartlesschatter,everybreaththat camefromhim,vibratedintheairbetweenthem. Shewascompletelyincapableofeatinganything.Shehadforceddownsome sipsofcoffeethroughatight,constrictedthroat,andthatwasall.Now,asJoey beamedsoinvitinglyatXander,shethought,desperately,Please,yes.Takehim offandplaywithhim.Go,justgoanywhere,butawayfromme,awayfrom me Notrightnow,Joey.Soon. Clarescrapedherchairback.IfXanderwouldnotclearoff,thenshewould. Must. Illplay,Joey,shesaid,hervoicestiffandexpressionless.Sheheldherhandout tohelpJoeydown.Buthelookedathermutinously. IwantDaddy,hesaid.Hislowerlipwobbled.Maybehewasnotsoimmuneto thetensionstretchinglikehotwiresbetweenherandXanderafterall,Clare

realisedheavily.ShesawXanderpresstheservicebuttononthetable.Amoment laterthehousekeeperappeared. Juliette,wouldbeyoubekindenoughtoamuseJoeyforawhile,please?he saidtoher.HisvoicesoundedastenseasClares. Juliettegaveawarmsmile,andthenbestowedanevenwarmeroneonJoey. YoucomewithJuliette,now.Ihappentoknowshelookedconspiratorial thatitscarwashdaythismorningandtheresahosewithyournameonit! Joeyslowerlipstoppedwobblinginstantly.Hescrambleddowneagerly. Ineedabighose,heinformedJulietteassheledhimoff. Clarewatchedhimgo.Hewasoutofsightbeforesheturnedherheadback. Whatwasgoingon?WhyhadXandergotridofJoey? Oh,God,hedoesntthinkweregoingtohavesexagain,doeshe? Thethoughtplunged,horrifically,intoherbrain,andhereyeslashedtoXanders facebeforeshecouldstopherself.Butwhateverwasonhismind,thatwasnotit. Shelookedawayagaininstantlyandfeltrelieffloodthroughher,drowningout anyotherreactionshemighthavehadtothatsuddendebilitatingthought. Overandoveragainduringthelong,agonisingnightshehadaskedherselfthe samequestionwhy,whyhadhedoneit?Whyhadhewantedsexwithherlast night? Andtherewasonlyoneanswer. Becauserightnowshewastheonlywomanaround.Andshewasbetterthan nothing.Therewasnootherreasonhecouldpossiblyhavehad.None. Loathingshotthroughher.Forhim,fordoingthattoher,andworsebyfar loathingforherself.Forhavingbeensocrushingly,unforgivablystupidastolet him Clare Hernamejoltedher,andhereyeswenttohiminvoluntarily.

Hisfacewasexpressionless.Quiteexpressionless.Andyettherewassomething sofaratthebackofhiseyesthatshehadseenoncebefore Andsuddenly,deepinsideher,fearopenedup.Sheknewthatface.Knewthis moment.Recogniseditfromfourlongyearsago,whenshehadsatinthe restaurantattheStJohnandheardherlifedestroyedherhopesdecimatedin onebrutalsentence. Butthistimeshewasnolongerthepersonshehadbeenthen.Harder.Xander hadcalledherthattoherface,anditwastrue.Shedhadtomakeherselfhard,or shewouldnothavesurvived.Wouldhavebledtodeath. HowcanIlovehim? Thecrycamefromdeepinside,anguishedandunanswerable. HowcanIloveamanwhothrewmeoutlikerubbish,whopackedmeoffwitha diamondnecklace,wholastnightusedmeforsexbecauseIwasconvenientand onhand? HowcanIloveamanlikethat?Amanwithoutfeelings,withoutconscience, withoutremorse,ortheslightestacknowledgementthathewassocoldlycallous tome? Imustntloveamanlikethat!Itdebasesmetodoso.IthoughtIwasfreeof himImademyselffreeofhim.Iforcedmyselftobefreeofhim. Butithadbeeninvain.Completelyinvain.Ithadallcometonothingthatnight shehadstoodfacetofaceagainwiththemanshehadloved,butwhohadnever, everfeltanythingmoreforherthanappreciationforhersexualservices Thewholeexcruciatingagonyofhersituationhonedinonherlikeascud missile.BecauseofJoeyshecouldneverbefreeofXander.Never!Thenightmare shehadfearedfouryearsagohadcometrueshewouldbeforcedtoseehim, forcedtobeciviltohimandpretend,timeaftertime,yearafteryear,thathe couldnothurtheranymore.ForJoeyssakeshehadtoletthathappen,hadto endureit. Clarewhathappenedlastnight

Hestopped,mouthtightening.Shestaredathimexpressionlessly.Asblanklyas he.Buthisnextwordscameoutoftheblue. Whenisyourperioddue? What?Hereyesstaredinshockatthequestion. Hismouthtightenedagain.Whenisyourperioddue?herepeated. Shestaredathimuncomprehendingly. Itmayhaveescapedyournotice,hesaidtightly,butlastnightwehad unprotectedsex.Whatareyourchancesofgettingpregnant? Faintnessdrummedthroughher.Shecouldfeelitfuzzingherbrain.Shepressed herfingersdownonthetable,willingherselftobecalm. DearGod,donotdothistome Thesilent,despairingpleacamefromherdepthsoffear. Whenwillyouknow?Knowifyouarepregnant? ISheforcedherselftothinkthinkwhatdateitwas.Withalltheturmoilin herlife,keepingtrackofhermenstrualcyclewasthelastthingonhermind. Attheendoftheweek,Ithink,shesaiduncertainly. Hegotupfromthetableabruptly. Letmeknow,hesaidtersely,andwalkedaway. Foronelong,timelessmomentClaresatthere.Then,withastrange,choking soundinherthroat,sheblindlypushedherselfup. Shestartedtowalk.Herlegswerejerking,butsheforcedherself.Forcedherself togoon.Thelawncrunchedunderherbarefeet,thestoneofthepavingaround thepoolwashottohersoles,andthentherewassand,soft,sinkingsand,and shecouldntwalkanymore.Herfeetstumbledonstiff,jerkylegs. Shesanktothesand.

Hershouldersbegantoshake. Xanderheardthescrapeofachairontheterraceandstiffened.Wasshecoming afterhim?Hehalfturnedhishead,tensing. Hedidntwanthercomingnearhim.Didntwantherspeakingtohim.Didnt wantherinthesameuniverseashim. Butthatwasntpossible.BecauseofJoey,becauseofhisson,hecouldntgetrid ofher.Andtherewasnothing,nothinghecoulddoaboutit. Shewasalifesentenceforhim. Hecouldfeeltheprisondoorsclosingonhim.Therewasnoescapenone. Emotionchurnedinhim,harshandpitiless. Shewasheadingawayfromhim,hesawwithgrimvision.Walkingoverthe lawn,pastthepool,towardsthebeach.Hiseyeswenttoher,andhismouth tightenedevenmore. Christosnoescape.None! Alifesentence. Hewentonwatchingherwalkawayfromhim,withthatstrange,unevengait. Thenhesawherfalter,swayveryslightly,then,withasuddenjerking movement,shefoldedontothesand. Hestartedtomove. Hershoulderswereshaking.Throughherbodyhuge,agonisingshudderswere convulsingher.Herthroatwassotightshefeltitmusttearandburst.She wrappedherarmsaroundherself,pullingtighterandtighter.Shewouldfall apartifshedidnot.Thewrackingconvulsionswereshatteringher,shakingher topieces,totinyfragments.

Shetookaterrible,agonisingdraftofbreath. Andthenthetearscame. Shecouldntstopthem.Theypouredoutofher,gushingfromhereyeswithhot, burningsalt,chokinginherthroat,herlungs.Shedrewupherlegs,wrapping herarmstightlyaroundherknees,tryingtoholdherselftogether. Butshecouldnt.Thesobsshookher,rawandrasping,impossibletohalt.Itwas thefirsttimeinfouryearsshehadcriedandnowshecouldntstop. Herhandspressedaroundherknees,nailsdiggingintothebarefleshofher thighs.Headburiedinherarms,hershouldersconvulsed. Shecouldnotbearit.Shehadreachedtheendnow.Therewasnomorestrength inher.Nothingleftinheratall. Ashadowfelloverher. Clare? Thevoicewasstrange.Thestrangestvoiceshedeverheard.Butshecouldnot hearitclearly.Thesobsinherthroatdrownedouteverything;thehot,agonising tearsblindedher.Hernailsdiggingintoherlegswasallshecouldfeel,exceptfor theconvulsionsofherbody Clare? Itwasthatvoiceagain.Strangerstill.Shedidnotrecogniseit.Itbelongedto someoneshedidnotknow.Whodidnotexist. Thesobswenton,consumingher. Clare! Thatvoiceagain,differentstill,andmorewords,wordsshedidnotunderstand, soundingurgent.Imperative. Hewasbesideher,crouchingdown.Hishandswereonhershoulders,hunched sotightly,withherarmswrappingaroundher,holdingherselftogether.His handswenttoherhead,bentandbrokenoverherknees,forcingitup.

Awordbrokefromhim.Shedidnotknowwhatitmeant.Couldonlystare, blindly,throughthetearscoursingdownhercheeks,asthesobsjerkedinher throat,herfacecrumpling,breathgasping. Therewassomethinginhisface,hiseyes. Itwasshock.Raw,nakedshock. Oh,myGod,Clarewhy?Why? Itwastheincomprehensioninhisvoice.Thatwaswhatdidit.Herhandsflew up.Lashedout,flailing.Hittingandhittingathimonthesolidwallofhischest. Youbastard! Theinvectivechokedfromher,cripplingher. Handsclosedaboutherwristsinstantly,inareflexaction.Shestruggledagainst hisgrip,hopelessandhelpless,andthesobswerestillstormingthroughher. Whatdoyoumean,Why?shechoked.Howcanyousaythat?After everythingyouvedonetome,youaskWhylikeitssomekindofmystery? Hisgriponherwriststightened,andhiscrouchingstancesteadied. WhatIvedonetoyou?heechoed.Suddenly,frighteningly,theexpressionin hiseyeschanged,flashingwithdark,killinganger.Youkeptmysonfromme! Nothing,nothingjustifiesthat.YouvehadfouryearstotellmeIhaveason.But youneverdidandyouwerenevergoingto.Iwasgoingtolivenotknowing aboutJoeyneverknowingabouthim! Herfacecontorted,butnotfromweepingthistime. DidyoureallythinkIwasgoingtotellyouIwascarryingyourchild?After youdthrownmeoutofyourlifelikeIwasyesterdaysusedtissue?Payingme offlikeawhore! Hisfacedarkened.Godalmighty,wouldyouhavethoughtbetterofmeifId justendeditflat,withoutevensayingthankyoutoyou? Sheyankedherhandsfree,jerkingbackwithallhereffort.

Youdidnthavetothankmeforthesex.DearGod,IknewIwasafooltogo anywherenearyou,butIdidntthinkIdidntthinkitwasgoingtogoing togoingto Shechokedoff.Oh,God,whatstheuse?IknowwhatyouareIveknownfor fouryears.AndlastnightIfoundoutalloveragain.DidntI?DidntI?Youwere feelingrandyandtherewasnooneelsearoundsowhynottakewhateverwas onhand?Evenifitdidriskanotherunplannedpregnancy.Youwantedsome instantsex,andyoutookit.AnddontthrowbackatmethatIdidntsayno. BecauseIknowwhatacriminalfoolIwaslastnight.Whatanunforgivableidiot! JustlikeIwasfouryearsago.Acompletefooltogoandfallinlo Shebrokeoff,horrified,dismayed,wantingthegroundtoswallowher.She stumbledtoherfeet,staggeringaway,hereyesstillblindwithtears,herthroat stilltearing,lungsheaving.Tearswerepouringdownhercheeks,intoher mouth,hernosewasrunningandherfacewashurting. Hecaughtatherhand,boltingtohisfeettoseizeather.Shethrewhimoff, headingblindlytothesea.Shehadtoescapeshehadto!Howcouldshehave saidthat?Justblurteditoutlikethat?Howcouldshe? Behindher,Xanderstoodstockstill. Completelymotionless. Yetinsidehim,likeaveryslowexplosion,herwordsweredetonatingthrough him. Whathadshejustsaid? Slowly,likeadeadmanwalking,hefollowedher. Shewasstanding,feetinthewater,herbacktohim.Hershoulderswerestill heaving,andhecouldstillhearragged,tearingsobs,quieternow. Withamoredesperate,despairingsound. Henoticedlittlethingsabouther.

Herpigtailwasragged,frazzlingattheend.Thesunglintedonthepalegoldof herhair.Herwaistwasverynarrowhecouldalmosthavespanneditwithhis hand.Herlegsweretanned. Somanythingssomanythingshenoticed. Heknewherbodyknewitfrommemory,andfromthisweekhedspent watchingher,lettinghisdesireforhergrowdaybydaytosuithispurpose,his dark,malignpurpose. Lastnighthehadpossessedherbody,knownitintimately.Ashehadfouryears ago. Buthehadntknownher. Hehadntknownheratall. Slowly,veryslowly,hespoke. Whatdidyoujustsay? Shestarted.Hadshenotheardhimapproachonthesoftsand? Whatdidyoujustsay,Clare?hesaidagain. Hershouldershunched.Whenshespoke,hervoicewasshaky,raking. IsaidIhatedyou.IsaidIloathedyou.AndifIdidnt,Ishouldhave.AndIll sayitnowinstead. Heshookhishead.Shecouldntseethegesture,buthedidntcare.Itcame automaticallytohim. Butthatisnttrue,isit,Clare?Thatsnottrueatall.Notfouryearsagowhen yousatatthattableintheStJohnandItoldyouitwasover.Youdidnthateme then.Itwasnthate,wasit,Clare?Notthen. Hishandscurvedoverhershoulders.Heturnedheraroundtohim.Thesunlight blindedhereyes.Orsomethingdid.Shestoodlookingathim.Hollowedout, emptiedout. Ihatedyou,shewhispered.Youthrewmeoutofyourlife.Ihatedyou.

Heshookhishead.Sunlightglancedonthesableofhishair.Shefeltfaintness drainingthroughher,herlegstooweaktostand.Heheldhersteadybyher shoulders.Hishandswerewarmandstrong,pressingintoherthroughherT shirt. Youdidnt,Clare.Youdidnthatemethen.Youdidnthatemeatall. Yes,Idid.IdidandIdo!Hervoicewasfierce,sofierce. Histhumbsrubbedonhercollarbone,slowandstrange. Yougaveyourselfaway,Clare.Justnow.Gaveyourselfaway.Forthefirsttime. Theonlytime.Gaveyourselfcleanaway.AndnowIknow,dontI?Iknowwhy youwalkedawayfrommenevertoreturn,notevenforyourclothes,your books,yourtoothbrusheverythingyouleftatmyapartment. YoushouldbegratefulthatIdid.Grateful.Thefiercenesswasstillinhervoice, rawandrasping.Imusthavebeentheeasiestmistresstodumpyoudeverhad. Hisfacestilled.Therewassomethingverystrangeinhiseyes.Verystrange indeed.Shecouldnttellwhatitwas.Itmustbethesunblindingher.Thatwas allitcouldbe Foralong,endlessmomenthewassilent.Shefeltthegentlelapofwaterround herfeet.Feltthehotsunbeatingdownonher.Felthishandsoverhershoulders, pressingdownonher.Theywerecompletelystilllikehim. Then,intothesilence,hespoke. Youwerethehardest,hesaid. Hereyesflared.Thehardest?shejeeredbitterly.YousaidItsoverandI went!Iwentwithoutaquestion,withoutaword!Ijustwent! Youwerethehardest,hesaidagain. Hedroppedhishandsfromher.Shefeltbereft. Hisfacewassombre.

IgotridofyoubecauseIhadto.Tosavemysanity.Tokeepmesafe.BecauseI wasscaredinthebiggestdangerIdeverbeenin.AndIcouldnthackit.His jawtightened.WhenIwenttoNewYorkthatlasttimeIknewIhadtoact.I knewIcouldputitoffnolonger.Becausethedangerwasterrifying.AndI knewwhenIcamebackthatIhadtodealwithit.Fast.Urgently.Permanently. Hiseyesrestedonher.Theyhadnoexpressioninthem.Shehadseenthemlook thatwaybefore SoIdid.Idealtwithit.Immediately.Ruthlessly.Brutally. Hepausedagain.Anditworked.Workedsoperfectly.ButasIrealisedthatyou hadsimplygoneIrealisedsomethingelseaswell. Hiseyeswerestillonher.Expressionlesseyes.Exceptforonefaint,impossible fragment Irealised,hesaid,andeachwordfellfromhimlikeaweight,Iwouldhave givenanythingintheworldtohaveyouback. Hiseyesmovedpasther.Outtotheseabeyond.Aseawithoutlimits.Withouta horizon. Butyouweregone.AsifIdpressedabutton.Justgone.Istartedtolookfor you,towaitforyou.Youhadtocomebackyoudlefteverythingwithme.So youhadtocomeback.Butyouneverdid.Youjustvanished. YousaidIdidittotryandmakeyoucomeafterme.Hervoicewasstillvery faint. Hekeptlookingouttosea,farouttosea.Asifintothepast. Iwantedittobeforthatreason.Iwantedittobeforanyreasonthatmeantthat youdidntwanttogo.Thatyouwantedtocomebacktomethatyouwanted metocomeafteryou.Hebreathedinharshly,spokeharshly.Thatyoudidfeel somethingforme.ThenwhenfinallyIdacceptedthatwhenIdsaidItsover toyou,youhadindeedgoneforeverthenHiseyeswenttoher,hard, unforgiving.ItoldmyselfthatIhadmadetherightdecisionafterallthatthere wasnopointregrettingit,nopointwishingIhadnotdonewhatIhad.Youdfelt nothingforme.Nothingatall.WhichmeantIhadtomoveon,getoverit.Geton

withmylife.SothatswhatIdid.Ihadnochoiceyouweregone.SoIgoton withmylife. Sheshuthereyes,thenopenedthemagain. Youwereangrywithmewhenyousawmeagain. Thesombrelookwasinhiseyesagain. Iwasangrywithyoubecauseyoudbeenabletowalkawayfrommewithouta secondglance.Withnothingnothingatall.Iwasangrywithyoubecauseyoud mademelivewiththechoiceIdmade.ThedecisionIdmade.Toplaysafe.And byplayingsafetolosewhatImostwanted. Hetookanotherharshbreath.You.ThatswhatIwanted.You. Shelookedintohiseyes.Why?Itwasallshesaidallshecouldsay. Somethingmovedinhiseyes. Why?Hisvoicechanged.Why?heechoed.BecauseIwantedyouthere,still. Withme.Nottoletyougo.Helookedatheragain.Itscaredme.Idnever wantedthatbefore.Never.Notwithanywoman.NotevenwithyouuntilI realised,thatlasttimewehadtogether,beforeIwenttoNewYork,thatyouhad becomeimportanttome.AnditscaredmescaredmesenselessbecauseIhad neverfeltanythinglikethatbefore,becauseitmademefeelafraidandoutof controlandworst,worstofall,itmademerealisethatIhadnoidea,none,of whatyoufelt. Helookedather. Younevershowedyouremotionstome,Clare.Youwerealwayssoreserved.I couldntreadyouIdidntknowwhatyoufelt,ifyoufeltanythingatall.That scaredmeevenmore.SoIwantedout.Becausethatwasthesafestcalltomake. Hiseyesslippedpastheragain. Iwasafool,hesaidheavily.Imadethewrongcall.AndbecauseofthatIlost you.AndIlostthesonyouwerecarrying.Thesonyouhidfromme.AndnowI knowwhyIknowwhyyounevertoldmeaboutJoey.

Hisgazeshottoheragain,holdingherlikerodsoffire.Iknowwhy,andthe knowledgekillsme.AndithurtsmetothinkwhatIdidtoyoulastnight.Doyou knowwhyIdidit,Claredoyou? Hishandshadcomeupagain,tolieheavyonhershoulders.Ideliberately,cold bloodedlytookyoutobedlastnightwithonepurposeonlytogetyou pregnant.Ihadtogetyoupregnant!Ihadto.Becauseifyouwerepregnant again,thenthistime,thistime,youwouldhavetomarryme.Youcouldntturn medown.Idmakesureofit.AndthatwayIdgetJoeyIdgetJoey,andhes allIwanted.WhenIdiscoveredyoudhiddenmysonfromme,theonlyreasonI couldcomeupwithforwhyyouddoneitwastopunishmeforfinishingwith you.Thereactionofawomanscorned.Anditvindicatedme.Vindicatedwhat Iddonetoyou,thecallIdmade.Awomanwhocouldvengefullyhidemyson frommewasntawomanIwantedinmylife,wasntawomanIshouldcare about.ButthatwasntwhyyouhidJoeyfromme,wasit,Clare?Wasit? No.Itwasawhisper.Allshecouldmanage. ItwasbecauseIhurtyou,hesaid.IhurtyousobadlythatnightattheStJohn thatallyoucoulddowaswalk.Run.Hide.Forever.Andtherewasonlyone reasonwhyIcouldhavehurtyou. Hishandsslidfromhershoulders,cuppingherface,liftingittohissothatshe hadtolookdeep,deepintohiseyes. WhywasIabletohurtyou,Clare?Hurtyousobadly?Hisvoicewasstrained. Desperate.Pleasetellmeplease.Idontdeserveitbut Iwasinlovewithyou,shesaid. Foronelong,agonisingmomenttherewassilence.Then,ThankGod,hesaid. ThankGod. Histhumbssmoothedalonghercheekbones.Silenttearswererunning. Dontcry,Clare.Dontevercryformeagain.Illneverletyoucryagain.Notfor me.Noteverforme. Hegazeddownintoherswimmingeyes.Imgoingtodoeverythinginmy power,Clare,towinthatloveagain.Everything.Because,foolthatIwasthatI amfoolthatIhavebeenineverythingtodowithyouIatleastnowknow

this.Ihadfalleninlovewithyouthen,fouryearsago,anddidntrealize refusedtobelieveIwascapableofitAndIstillloveyou.Iknowthatcompletely andabsolutely,becauselastnighthegaveashudderingbreathlastnight wasmyownpunishment.MypunishmentforhavingdeniedwhatIfeltfor youaterriblepunishment.BecauselastnightIrealised,withallthehorrorin theworld,thatIstillloveyouloveawomanwhohadfeltnothingforme,had beenabletowalkawayfrommewithoutaword,whohadwreakedvindictive revengeonmeforhavingspurnedherbykeepingmyownsonfromme. Butitwasnever,neverthatthatstoppedyoutellingmeaboutJoey.Itwas becauseyoucouldnotbeartohaveanythingtodowiththemanwhohadhurt youbecauseyouloveme.Hisvoicechanged,andshecouldhearthepaininit. Ivewrongedyousomuch,Clare.FouryearsagoIhurtyouunbearablyand Ivehurtyouagain.Icantaskforyourloveagain,butIwillwinitbackwith allmybeing.Ah,no,dontweep,Clarenotforme,neverforme!Histhumbs smoothedagain,buthereyeswerespilling,spillinguncontrollably,andherface wascrumpling,andshecouldntstop,couldntstop. Hewrappedhertohim.Andthefeelofhisarmsgoingabouther,holdingherso close,sosafe,wasthemostwonderfulfeelinginalltheworld,alltherecould everbe.Heheldhersotightly,asifhewouldnever,couldneverlethergo.She couldhearwords,murmuring,soothing,andshecouldnotunderstandthem, butitdidnotmatter. Shecouldheartheminherheart.Knowtheminherheart. Anditwasallsheneeded.Allshewouldeverneed. Slowly,holdingherhand,Xanderwalkedherbacktowardsthevilla. Ididntknowanythingaboutlove.DidnotknowthatthatwaswhatIhad startedtofeelforyou.IonlyknewthatyouwereawomanIdidnotwanttolose. Awomanwhosecoolcomposureseemedtoinflamemewithdesire. Asensual,reminiscentsmileplayedathismouth,andClarefeltthesofamiliar weaknessstartinsideher. Itgottomeeverytime.Moreandmore.IrevelledinthedifferencethatonlyI couldmakeinyou,thesensualitybeneaththesurfacethatonlyIcouldreleasein

you.WhenwewereouttogetherIdidntlikeyoutotouchme.Ilikedyoutolook untoucheduntouchable.Waitingforme.Waitingformetogetyoubacktothe hotel,theapartment,whereIcouldfinallyindulgemyselfindoingwhatIdbeen holdingbackfromallevening Clarelookedathim.Wasthatwhyhehadbeenlikethat?Notbecausehed thoughtheroutoflinebeingphysicallydemonstrativetowardshimeveninthe briefestway? Ididntknow,shesaid.Hervoicewasfaintagain. Heglancedather,frowning.YoumusthaveknownIcouldntkeepmyhands offyou.YoumusthaveseenthatIwaslosingcontrol.Andthatlasttime surelythatlasttimeyoumusthaveseen,known,sensedthatIwas? Herthroattightened.Pain,rememberedpain,piercedher. Idid!IthoughtitmeantmeantthatyouwerebeginningthatImightmean somethingtoyou.Butthenshecouldhardlyspeakthenyoucameback andtookmeouttodinner,andIwastryingtoscrewupmycourage,topinmy hopesonafuturewithyouandtellyoutellyouthatIwaspregnant.She swallowed.Andthenyouspokefirst. Hishandcrushedhers,tighteningautomatically.Hestoppeddead. Theosmouthatitshouldhavehunginthebalanceonsofineathread.How thegodsmockedmethatnight.IfIhadonlyonly Anguishsilencedhim.Sheliftedhishandwithhers,bringingittohermouthand kissingitasshemightJoeys,tocomforthim. Wecantundothepast,Xanderneitherofuscan.Wecanonlyhervoice caughtonlybegratefulsovery,verygratefulthatwehavebeengivena secondchance.Shetookadeep,painfulbreath.IknowIshouldhavecomeback totellyouaboutJoey.Iknowthat.Iveknownitalltheseyears,andfoughtit. Foughtitformyownselfishreasons.BecauseIwastoomuchacowardtothink ofanyonebutmyself.BecauseIcouldnotfacelettingyoubackintomylifeafter youhadthrownmeoutofit.CouldnotfacebeingwhatIknewImustbethe unwantedmotherofyourson.ItoldmyselfIdidnotneedtotellyoubecause youwouldnotwantJoeyanywaythatyouwould,outofcommondecency, payforhim,butyouwouldnotwanthim.Andwhenyoufoundoutabouthim,

andyouweresoangry,IknewIknewyouhadarighttobe.ButIdidntwant toadmitittofaceuptoit! Shetookanotherunforgivingbreath. Ivebeenpunishedforkeepinghimfromyounotjustbyyouranger,butby myshameatkeepinghimfromyou,notgivingyouthechancetosayyou wantedhim,notgivingJoeywhatIknewhecouldhavehad.Afather.Andby morebytheknowledgethatifIdjustgonebacktoyou,ifIhadntinmypride, myownpainandanger,keptawayfromyou ItwouldhavebeenarewardIdidnotdeserve,Xandersaidheavily, condemningly.NotaftermycowardiceinnotadmittingtomyselfwhatIhad cometofeelforyou,indenyingmyownemotions.Notaftermycrueltyinthe wayIendeditsobrutally,sounfeelingly.Evenifyouhadnotlovedmeit wouldstillhavebeenbrutal.ButknowingnowwhatyouwerefeelingasIsat thereandsaidthosewordstoyouHebrokeoff,paininhiseyes. Claresheartfilled.Itsover,Xander.Itsgone.Donttormentyourself.Lets startagainacleanslate,anewbeginning.Shepaused,hereyeslambent suddenly.Didyoumeanitaboutlastnight?Thatyouweretryinggetme pregnant? Hisfaceshadowedinstantly.Theosmou,Clareforgivemeforthat.Ishould neverhave ButIdontforgiveyou,shesaid.Ithankyou!Oh,Xander,canwehaveanother child?Now? Xandercaughtherandsweptherupintohisarms.Shegaveagasp,andclutched herarmsaroundhisneck. Joeycanhaveadozenbrothersandsisters.AndI,mymostadoredone,willtake thegreatest,mostgratefulpleasureinfatheringeachandeveryoneofthem. Hismouthcaughthers,warmandsoftandsofulloflovethatitwaslikeheaven inherheart.Shefeltherbodyquicken,answeringwithswifteagernessthe arousalofhistouchashecarriedheroff,bearingheraway,stridingswiftlyover thegrasstoreachtheterrace,slidingbackthebedroomdoorwithapowerful glideofhisarm.

Inside,theinstantcooloftheroomembracedthembutitcouldnotquenchthe heatrisingbetweenthem,theheatofpassion,ofdesire,astheycamedownon thebedinasweettangleoflimbs. Iloveyousomuch,hesaid,gazingdownintohereyes.Ilovedyouthen;Ilove younow.Iwillloveyouforever.Iloveeverythingaboutyou.Everythingthatis you.Everything.Excepthisexpressionchangedsuddenly,andtherewasa disapprovingfrownonhisfacethis. Heliftedthelongfrayedendofherpigtailandeyeditwithcriticaldisdain. Thishastogo,hetoldher.Nonegotiation. Itsverypractical,saidClare. Youdontneedpractical,hesaid.Youjustneedme.AndIhisfingersdeftly disposedoftherestrainingbandandthenstartedtounplaitthestrands,just needyou.Andwebothheflickedfreeherhair,runninghisfingersthrough thepalegoldofitneedJoey,andJoeyneedsusandanewbrotherorsister! Shepulledhisheaddowntoherandkissedhim.Thenshepushedhisheadback alittle,soshecouldspeak. Xander,shetoldhim,JoeyhasbeenwithJulietteforagoodlongtimenow,and soonhesgoingtohavefinishedhosingdownthecars,andanyoneelsewithin range,andrealisethathehasntbeenswimmingyet.Andthatmeanshesgoing towantyoutotakehim.Andthatmeansshepulledhimdowntokisshim again,thenlethimgotofinishspeakingwehadreally,reallybettergeton withthis!Rightnow. Oh,KyriaXanderAnaketostobeXandersvoicehusked,hiseyesagleam withanticipation.Howvery,veryhappyIamtooblige. Hismouthloweredtohers,andsoftly,sensuously,withtendernessanddesire, passionandpleasure,hebegantomakelovetoher. EPILOGUE THEsunwassettingovertheAegeaninasplendourofgold.Enthronedina hugebathchairontheforedeck,andadornedwithaveryextravaganthat,Vi surveyedthescene,asatisfiedsmileonherwrinkledface.Butitwasnotthegold

andcrimsonskythatdrewherapprobation.ItwasthesightofClareandXander, stillintheirweddingfinery,theirarmsaroundeachotherswaists,gazingout overtheseathroughwhichthehugeyachtwascarvingitssmoothpath. OnherlapsatJoey,resplendentinatuxedotheminiatureversionofhisfathers. Tellmeastory,Nan,saidJoey. Visettledhershouldersintothecushionsandreachedforthecupofteathat wasntquiteasgoodasproperEnglishtea,seeinghowithadbeenmadebya Greekchef,butwasverywelcomeforallthat.Ithadbeenalongdayforher,but onethathadbroughtalifttoherheart.Youngpeoplereallycouldbesofoolish, soblindandsostubbornittooksuchalottomakethemseesense. Astory?shesaid,andtookamouthfulofteabeforesettingdownthecup carefully.Hereyeswenttothecouplebytherail,whohadturnedtoeachother. Well,letssee.Onceuponatimetherewasaprincess,andaprincefellinlove withher,buthewasverysillyanddidntsayso.AndthePrincessfellinlove withhim,andshewasverysillyanddidntsayso.Andsotheyparted.Andthe Princesshadababy,butshewasevensillierthen,anddidnttellthePrince,and so Joeywastugginghersleeve.Viturnedfromwatchinghisparentsgazinginto eachotherseyes. Whatisit,pet?sheasked. Therewasadisgustedlookonhisface.Nan,tellmeaproperstory.Withknights inarmour.Anddragons.Andfastcars. Hesnuggledbackagainsther.Vitookanothersipoftea.Oh,aproperstory? Well,letssee Shestartedtoweaveastorywiththeelementsherchargerequired. Attheprowoftheyacht,XanderwasloweringhisheadtoClare,andshewas liftingherfacetohis.Thesettingsunturnedtheirkisstogold,andVipausedin hertale,wipingatearfromhereye.Yes,theyoungwerefoolish,blind,and stubbornbuttheygotthereintheend. Andthatwasallthatmattered.

THEMILLIONAIRESCONTRACTBRIDE CaroleMortimer CHAPTERONE WHATonearthareyoudoinghere?Caseygasped.Shehadarrivedhome exhaustedatalmostelevenoclockafterworkingthatevening,onlytocometoa shockedhaltinthedoorwaytohersittingroomandstareatthemansittingthere sounconcernedly. Thesinglesourceoflightintheroomcamefromasmalltablelamp,castingthe mansfaceinshadowashesatinthearmchairacrosstheroom.Buteventhough shehadonlymethimtwicebrieflyinherlifebefore,itwasstillpossiblefor Caseytorecognisethedarkoverlonghair,thewideshouldersandthetall,leanly powerfulframeasbelongingtoXanderFraseramanwhosebroodinggood looksoftengracedthemoreprestigiousgossipmagazinesasheattendedthe premieresofthenumerousfilmsreleasedbyhisproductioncompany. Amanshehadntrealisedevenknewwhereshelived. Yes,theybothlivedinSurrey,butatcompletelydifferentendsofthehousing scale.TheFrasermansionwassetinseveralwoodedacresofgroundsnearthe river,whileherownhomewasonanestateandmuch,muchsmaller. Ifshehadntbeensoshockedatfindinghimhere,shemightevenhavefounda certainpleasureinhavingthisruggedlyhandsomemaninherhome.Afterall, hewasthefirsteligible,gorgeousmanshehadbeenthisclosetosinceher marriagehadendedayearago. Orperhapsnot,sheacknowledgedwithaninwardgrimace;shewashardly lookingherbestatthemoment.Herhairprobablysmeltofthefoodcookedat therestaurantthisevening,shewaswearingsomeofheroldestclothesforthe samereasonandworeabsolutelynomakeupwhatsoevertoaddcolourtoher naturallypalecomplexion. Besideswhich,itwashardlyagoodideaforhertobeattractedtotheexhusband ofthewomanwhohadstolenherownhusband! XanderFrasershruggedthosebroadshoulders,shiftingslightlysothathisface wasnolongerinshadow,revealinganaquilinenosebetweenhighcheekbones,

andanarrogantslashofamouthaboveastronglysquaredchin.Heregardedher withhoodedblueeyes.Iwaswaitingforyoutogethome,obviously,he drawled. Yes,Irealisethat,sheansweredimpatiently;itwaswhyhewasherethatwas important!ButwheresHannah?sheasked,hervoicesharpeningwithalarm. NowthatherfirstshockonseeingXanderwasreceding,Caseyrealisedthegirl sheemployedtolookafterhersonontheeveningssheworkedattherestaurant wasnoticeablyabsent. Isthatthenameofthebabysitter?XanderFraserquirkeddarkbrows.Itoldher shemightaswelltakeadvantageofmybeinghereandgohomeearly. Andshejustwent?Caseyexclaimed.Butshedoesntevenknowyou!You couldhavebeenanybody! Suchas?Thosedarkbrowsroseasecondtime.Amassmurderer?Ora kidnapper,perhaps?Hegaveahumourlesssmile. Wellactually,yes,Caseysaidwithafrown,feelingshehadeveryrighttobe annoyedwithHannahsirresponsiblebehaviour. AlthoughXanderFraserhardlylookedthepartofeither,sheacknowledged privatelytoherself,dressedinthosedesignerlabeldenimsandnavybluesilk shirt,andpossessedofthekindofconfidencethatonlytheveryrichorvery goodlookingseemedtoacquire. XanderFraserscowled.Believeme,thecomplicationsthatgoalongwiththeone childIhavearemorethanenoughformetocopewithrightnow! HisdaughterLaurenwassixyearsoldthesameageasCaseyssonJosh.But therethesimilaritiesended.LaurenFraserwasthedaughterofmultimillionaire filmproducerXanderFraser,whereasJoshwasthesonofasinglemother jugglingtwojobstotryandkeeparoofovertheirheads. Shesighedassheputherhandbagdownonthecoffeetable,tootiredtobeable tomakemuchsenseoutofthismansunexpectedpresencehere,letalonehis enigmaticconversation.

Ithadbeenalongdayforher.Shedgotupatseventhirty,togetheryoungson readyandatschoolfornineoclock,thenhurriedofftothecafsheworkedin untilafterthelunchtimerush.Oncethatwasover,shedcollectedJoshandspent acoupleofhoursathomewithhim,beforeleavingforhereveningjobatthe restaurantofthelocalhotel. Yes,ithadbeenaverylongandverytiringday,andshewasinnomoodtoplay verbalfencinggameswithXanderFraser,ofallpeople.Whetherhewassinfully handsomeornot! Ashewassittingintheonlychairinhersparselyfurnishedsittingroom,Casey remainedstanding,stillveryunhappywithHannahbutthat,shepromised herself,wassomethingshewouldtakeupwiththegirltomorrow. So,whatcanIdoforyou,MrFraser?shechallengedtersely. Withherpainfullythinframeclothedinafigurehuggingblackteeshirtand fadedbluedenims,andatonlyacoupleofinchesoverfivefeettall,Casey Bridgeshadalltheappearanceofabantamhenaligningitselfagainstahawk, Xanderdecidedruefully.Hersoftblondehairwasstyledwispilyabouther templesandnape,andherbeautifulheartshapedfacewasdominatedbydark greeneyesthatdidabsolutelynothingtodispelthatillusionoffragility. AndshelookedexhaustedEvenashethoughtit,sheswayedslightlyonher feet. Abruptly,Xanderstoodup.Sitdown,hecommanded,beforeyoucollapse. Sheobviouslybridledattheorder,butthendidashedsaid.Perhapsshe realisedhewasfullycapableofpickingherupandsittingherinthechair himself,ifsherefused Thechair,thecoffeetableandthelampweretheonlyfurnitureintheroom.He hadnotedthatwithafrownwhenhedarrivedearlier.Therewasnotelevision intheroom,either,andwhenhehadtakenaquicklookaroundtherestofthe househehadfoundthattobenobetter.CaseyBridgesseemedtohavetakenthe minimalisteffecttoabarrendegree. OrelseashisdaughterLaurenhadalreadyhintedtherewasanother explanationaltogetherforsuchausterity

Xanderseyesnarrowedasheregisteredjusthowfragilelythinthewoman beforehimwas.Henotedtheshadowsbeneaththosedarkgreeneyes,the hollowsbeneathhercheekbones,andtheskinonherhandsandwriststhatwas almosttranslucent. Exactlywhatsbeengoingonhere,Casey?heasked,hisbluegaze uncomfortablypenetratingnow.Wherewereyouthisevening?Hehadthought shemustbeoutwithfriendspossiblyevenaboyfriend,asherhusbandhadleft herayearagobutshehardlyhadthelookofawomanreturningfroma pleasanteveningout. Shegaveafirmshakeofherheadassheseemedtoregainsomeofher composure.Thatreallyisntanyofyourbusiness,MrFraser.Shestoodup.I shouldgoupandcheckonJosh.IstillcantbelieveHashewokenup?Ishe awarethatHannahhasleft?sheaskedanxiously. Joshisfine,Xanderassuredher.Hedidwakeuponce,butwhenItoldhimI wasLaurensdaddyhewasntconcerned.HeandLaurenhavebecomefriends didyouknowthat? Yes,shedidknowthat.Ironically,JoshandLaurenhadbecomefriendsduring theeightmonthswhenSamandChloehadlivedtogether,theirvisitstotheir individualparentsoftencoinciding.CaseyalsoknewthatJoshhadmissedseeing thelittlegirlsinceChloeandSamsdeathsfourmonthsago. Yes,Ibelievetheyhavedid,shecorrected.Ifyouwouldjustliketowaithere whileIgoandcheckonJosh,wecancontinuethisconversationwhenIcome backdown.Hergazedidntquitemeethisbeforesheturnedandlefttheroom, torunupthestairstoJoshssmallbedroomabovewithavaguefeelingofrelief. ShehadtoadmittofindingXanderFraserspowerfulpresenceandfiercely intelligentblueeyesslightlyoverwhelminginthesmallconfinesofthethree bedroomedhousethatshehadlivedinfirstwithherparents,thenwithSamand Josh,andnowjustwithJosh.Thehouseshewasdeterminedtoholdontoif humanlypossible. QuitewhatsortofconversationsheandXanderFraserweregoingtohaveshe hadnoidea,butheobviouslyconsidereditimportantenoughforhimtohave gonetothetroubleoffindingoutwhereshelived.

SheverymuchdoubtedXandersexwifewouldhavetoldhim.Caseyand Xandersprevioustwomeetingshadbeenwhentheydhappenedtocallatthe sametimetocollectJoshandLaurenafteroneoftheirweekendvisitstothe houseSamandChloehadsobrieflyshared.ThedazzlinglybeautifulChloehad hadnochoicebuttointroducethetwoofthem,butherhypnoticblueeyeshad beennarrowedonthemwatchfullyassheddoneso. CaseyhadntlikedthesophisticatedbutbrittleChloeFraser;sheknewshe wouldnthavelikedherevenifshehadntbeentheotherwomaninCaseys marriagebreakup.Thetwoofthemhadabsolutelynothingincommonexcept Sam,ofcourse. OnlyChloeFrasersbeautyhadbeensuchthathermorenegativetraits obviouslyhadntrepulsedthegoldenandhandsomeSam,orthedarkly broodingandimmenselyrichXanderFraser. ButthefactthatChloeandSamwerenowbothdeadkilledfourmonthsago whentheprivatejettheydbeentravellinginhadcrashedmeantthatJoshand Laurensvisitstothemhadobviouslystopped,too.Anditshouldhavemeant thatCaseywouldneverhavereasontoseeXanderFraseragain,either. Sowhyonearthwashedownstairsinhersittingroom,obviouslywaitingtotalk toher? CHAPTERTWO XANDERbecameawareofCaseyspresencebehindhimashestoodinthe kitchen.Youlookedlikeyoucoulddowithacup,heexplained,asheturned andsawherbrowsraisedatthetwosteamingmugsofcoffeehehadjustmade. HowwasJosh?heprompted,whenhenotedthepallorofthosehollowcheeks. Theshadowsremainedinherdeepgreeneyesbutshesmiled.Deepgrooves appearedbesidethefullnessofherlips,asifhumourwassomethingthathadnt comeeasilytoherrecently. AndXanderdoubtedthatithad.ToChloe,heknew,theseductionoftheman whohadcometotheirhomeasalandscapegardenerhadallbeenagame.A gameshehadplayedmoretimesthanevenXanderwasawareof.Orcared about.AlthoughinSamBridgescaseChloehadveryquicklydecidedthatshe wantedtotaketheirrelationshiptothenextlevelsothetwoofthemhadleft theirpartnersandsetuphometogether.

Thefactthatatthesametimeshehadrobbedthiswomanofherhusband,and sixyearoldJoshofhisfather,wouldnthavebeenofinteresttothespoiltand wilfulChloe.Shehadseensomethingshewanted,andtakenitwithout hesitation. Fastasleep,Caseyacknowledgedruefully.Thensheflushedslightly.Er wouldyoulikeabiscuitorsomethingtogowiththatcoffee? Ashehadcheckedallthecupboardsinthekitchenwhileshewasupstairs,and foundthemallbarejustlikeOldMotherHubbardsinthenurseryrhyme Xanderdidntholdoutmuchhopeoftherebeinganythingforhimtoactually have. No,thanksIateearlier,hesaideasily.Shallwegothroughtothesitting room,orwouldyouprefertostandinhereandtalk?Eitherway,onlyoneof themwouldbeabletosit! OnceagainXanderwonderedwhatthehellhadbeengoingoninthiswomans lifetheselastfourmonths.Therewasnofoodinthehouse,andverylittle furniture,either,andCaseyBridgeslookedasifastronggustofwindwould knockheroffherfeet. Hereisfine.Caseytookoneofthesteamingmugsofcoffeefromhim,herhand carefullyavoidingcomingintocontactwithhisasshedidso. Itwasridiculous,shetoldherselfimpatiently,tobesoawareofthisman.So physicallyawareofhim.Buttherewasnodenyingthatherhandswere tremblingslightlywiththatawareness. Perhapsshewasjustmissinghavingsex? Surelynot!ThephysicalsideofhermarriagetoSamhadntbeenthatgoodinthe firstplace,andhadbeencompletelynonexistentforthelastsixmonthstheyd beentogether.No,ithadtobeXanderFraserhimselfwhohadawakenedall thesesensuallongingswithinher Hermouthtightenedattheknowledge.Whatdidyouwanttotalktome about?

Thatcanwait,hecutinabruptly.FirstIwouldlikeyoutotellmewhytheres hardlyanyfurnitureinthehouse,andwhythefridgeisalsobare,exceptfora bottleofmilkandapieceofcheese. Hereyeswidenedwithincredulousanger.Youvebeenlookingthroughmy refrigerator? Ineededmilkforyourcoffee,hepointedoutwithasardonicsmile.Hisown coffeewasblack. Oh.Caseyfelthercheekswarmattherebuke.But,still,whatIdoordonthave inmyrefrigeratorisnoneofyourconcern Whendidyoulasteat,Casey?XanderFraseraskedbluntly,ignoringher attempttoputhiminhisplace. Idonthaveto Yes,youdo,heinterruptedagain,histonebrookingnomoredenialor evasions. Shefrownedherdeepirritationathisautocraticattitude. Icookedlambchops,newpotatoesandvegetablesforteabeforeIwentout ImpreparedtoacceptthatJoshhadlambchopsandvegetablesforhisevening meal.Unlikeyou,helooksrobustlyhealthy,headdedpointedly.Besides,Isaw thebonesfromtwochopsinyourpedalbinjustnow MrFraser,youreallydonothavetherighttoquestionmelikethis!Casey gasped.Letalonegopokingaroundinmypedalbin!sheaddedindignantly. No,heprobablydidnt,Xanderacknowledgedgrimly.Andhereallycouldnt saythathehadgiventhiswoman,orherson,muchconsiderationduringthelast year,either.Hehadbeentoobusyformostofthattimetryingtodealwiththe traumathatChloesdesertionandsubsequentdeathhadcausedhisown daughtertoworryaboutSamBridgesfamily. ButallthathadchangedsincehisconversationwithBradHenderson,Chloes father,fourdaysago

SincearrivingatCaseyshomeacoupleofhoursago,andseeingthefrugalway shelived,XanderwasinclinedtothinktheclaimLaurenhadmadeoncethat Joshsmummyissopoorshecantbuyhimanynewtoyswasprobablyatrue one.NotthatitgaveXanderanypleasuretoknowthat;itjustmeant,ashehad hoped,thatCaseymightbetheanswertohisowndilemma. Infact,ifCaseywerewillingtobecooperativeandagreetowhathewasabout tosuggest,shewouldbevastlyimprovingherownsituationatthesametimeas shehelpedXanderturnthiswholesituationaroundonBradHenderson. IfCaseywerewillingtobecooperative Lookingathernow,hecouldseejusthowcompletelyexhaustedshewasboth physicallyandemotionally.Hedidntthinkthatitwasallduetothetraumaof theeventsofthepastyearalone;fromthelittleXanderhadbotheredtolearn aboutSamBridges,themanhadntexactlybeentheperfecthusbandand providerforhisfamilyevenbeforehedbecomeinvolvedwithChloe. Nowonderhisexwifehadbeensodrawntotheman.Theydbeentwoofa kind.Spoiltusers,thepairofthem. Xandershruggedunapologetically.Perhapsifyoustoptreatingmelikeanidiot andanswermyquestionshonestlyImightstoppokingmynoseintoyourpedal binandyourbusiness.Despitethemildnessofhistone,hewasnevertheless determinedtohaveanswerstohisquestions.Wherewereyouthisevening, Casey?Hewasprettysurenowthatshehadntbeenoutforaneveningof frivolitythewomandidntlookasifsheevenknewthemeaningoftheword. Caseylookedupathiminaslightdaze,stillhavingnoideawhathadprompted thismansvisit,orwhyhewasquestioninghersointently.Shewasonlyaware thatshewassimplytootiredtoarguewithhimanylonger Iwasatwork,shesighed.Iworkfoureveningsaweekintherestaurantofa localhotel. XanderFraserscowleddarkly.Wouldntithavebeenmoreconvenient,with Joshstillsoyoung,foryoutohavefoundajobintheday? Idohaveajobintheday!shetoldhimimpatiently,feelingatadistinct disadvantageashisbody,withitssuperiorheight,loomedoverhers;Xander Fraserwasatleastafoottallerthanherownfivefeettwoinches.Iworkfive

daysaweekcookingatalocalcafaswellasthefoureveningsatthehotel,she revealed,stillreluctanttodiscussherpersonalbusinesswiththismanwho exudedsuchwealthandpower. Why?heprobed. Hercheeksflushed.Thatisnoneofyour Business?Xanderfinishedforher.WhatifImmakingitmybusiness?he addedsoftly,becomingmoreandmoreconvincedashetalkedtoCaseythathe hadfoundtheanswertogettingoutofthecornerBradwaspushinghiminto. ThatwhathewasabouttoproposewouldsolveCaseysproblems,too Shegaveadisbelievinglaugh,atoncelookingyounger,eveniftheexpressionin hergreeneyeswasderisiveratherthangenuinelyamused.Andwhywould XanderFraser,multimillionairefilmproducer,wanttodosomethinglikethat? shescorned,highlightingtheimmensegulfbetweentheirvastlydifferent circumstances. Notthatshewantedtobemegarich.Comfortablyoffwouldbenice.Butthe gardencentreandthemoneythatherfatherhadleftherwhenhediedwerelong gonethefirstbankruptedinayearunderSamsmanagement,thesecond fritteredawayashehadstruggledtomakeasuccessplayedat?landscape gardening. TheonlythingSamhadsucceededatwasendingtheirtorturousmarriageonce andforallbymeetingChloeFraser! Well,MrFraser?shesaidbelligerently. Hismouththinnedathertoneofvoice.Ihaveabusinesspropositiontoputto you,hefinallybitout. Caseyshookherhead.Imafraidyouvemisunderstoodmycookingabilities, MrFraser.Idontcaterfordinnerparties Notthatsortofbusinessproposition!hegrowled,pacingthesmallconfinesof thekitchen,hisgazenarrowedtovividblueslits.AreyoufamiliarwithBrad Henderson?

Hereyebrowsraisedatthementionoftherich,retiredownerofaHollywood filmstudio.Notpersonally,no. Iam,Xandersaid. Caseyshrugged.Yourebothinthesamebusiness. HesalsoChloesfather,Xanderexpanded.AndthereforeLaurens grandfather. Caseyhadntknownthatalthoughitprobablywentalongwaytowards explainingwhyChloehadalwaysbeensosureofhavingherownway.A privileged,overindulgentfather,followedbymarriagetoanevenricher husbandwhatchoicehadtheotherwomanhadbuttobespoiltandselfish? AllofwhichwasofabsolutelynorelevancewhatsoevernowthatChloewas dead. Wasit? Caseyputupatiredhandtobrushherhairawayfromherbrow.Ireallydont seewhatthishastodowithme. Imgettingtothat,Xanderassuredherimpatiently.LaurenandJoshare alreadyfriends.Thingsobviouslyarentgoingtoowellwithyouifyouhaveto workattwojobsinordertoremaineventhisfinanciallysolvent Now,look,MrFraser Willyoujusthearmeout,Casey?Xandercutin.Ihavesomethingtosay,and yourconstantinterruptionsarentmakingitanyeasier! Sheraisedblondebrows,indignantcolourinhercheeks.Maybeifyoustopped makingthissopersonal? Hismouthtwistedhumourlessly.Butitispersonal,Casey.Verypersonal,he addedheavily.ForreasonsthatIwillexplaininamoment,Imheretoaskif,in returnformyfinanciallyprovidingforyouandJosh,youwouldconsider becomingmywife. Speechless.

XanderFraserhadrenderedhercompletelyspeechlesswithhisannouncement hisquestion? Hecouldntpossiblybeserious! Couldhe? CHAPTERTHREE CASEYfeltasifshewerefightingherwaythroughcottonwoolthick,wispy cloudsofitthatstoppedherreachingthesurface,stoppedherfrom remembering Thiswasalladream!XanderFraserwasadream.Ashismarriageproposalhad beenadream Drinkthis,raspedanautocraticvoice.Comeon,Casey,openyoureyesand drink. Unfortunately,thatvoicewasalltoofamiliar.Notadream,then.Orevena nightmare!WhichmeantthatXandersmarriageproposalhadbeenveryreal Iknowyoureawake,Casey.Hisvoicewassofternow.Imnotgoingto disappearjustbecauseyourefusetoopenyoureyesandlookatme,hetaunted gently. Herlidssnappedopenandsheglaredupathertormentor.Shewasnowsitting slumpedinthearmchairXandermusthavecarriedhertowhenshedfainted, andhewasbentoverher,holdingoutaglassofclearbrownliquid. Aruefulsmiletouchedthosebeautifullysculptedlipsashemadenoeffortto backoff.Drinksomeofthesherry,Casey,heorderedasheheldtheglasscloser toher.Itshouldbebrandy,Iknow,butitsallIcouldfindinthewayofalcohol, headdedwryly. Itwascookingsherry,Caseyrecognisedwithagrimaceasshetooktheglass fromhim,usedtoflavouratrifleshehadmadeforChristmas,severalmonths ago.Andnotaverygoodcookingsherry,either.Buthewasright.Sheneeded somethingtodispelsomeofthenumbedshockshewasfeeling.

XanderFraserwasthetypeofmanwhowasalwaysright,shedecided, thoroughlydisgruntled.Shegulpeddownthesherry,findingitasdisgustingas shedthoughtitwouldbe,butnonethelessrevivingforallthat. Great,Xandermutteredinwardlywhenhesawthosegreeneyesbegintosparkle unnaturallyandtheflushthatsuddenlycolouredCaseyspreviouslypale cheeks;oneglassofbloodyawfulsherryandthewomanwasdrunk.Nodoubt thefactthatsheobviouslydidnteatproperlyhadnthelped. Thatsenoughofthat,hesaidfirmly.Hetooktheemptyglassawayfromher andplaceditonthecoffeetable,straighteningashedidsotomoveslightlyaway fromher.Hisdeliberatelyblandexpressionshowednoneoftheconcernhehad feltafewminutesago,ashedcarriedherlimpbodyfromthekitchentoplace herinthechairinthesittingroom. Thewomanhadbeenlikegossamerinhisarmssolightshedfeltasthoughshe didntweighmuchmorethanLauren.Ashehadlookeddownatherhed wonderedwhatdifferenceafewgoodmealsandsomeTLCwouldbringtothe hollowsofhercheeksandtheslendercurvesofherbody.Howshewouldlookif theworryandstressshewasobviouslysufferingweretoberemovedandshe couldactuallystarttoenjoylifeagain. Thenhehadchastisedhimselfforeventhinkingalongthoselines.Hisideathat thetwoofthemmarrywasabusinessproposition.Nothingmore,nothingless. FarbetterthathedidnteventhinkofCaseyBridgesundoubtedbeauty,orthe possibleallureofherwithafuller,morecurvaceousbody No,thinkingaboutherlikethatcertainlywasntagoodidea.Notifsheagreedto marryhim. Andhehadeveryintention,nowhehadactuallyvoicedtheidea,ofmakingsure thatshedid! CaseylookedupatXanderfrombeneathlonggoldenlashes,easilyrecognising hisleashedstrengthashepacedtheroomrestlessly.Hewasamanwhowielded poweralongwithsupremeselfconfidence.Aman,shewassure,whonevertook noforananswer.Amanwhohadjustsuggested,withtheofferofafinancial incentive,thatshemarryhim! Shemoistenedstiff,unyieldinglipsbeforespeaking.Ithinkyouhadbetterleave now.

ImafraidIcantdothat,Casey.YouandIhavealotmoretosaytoeachother beforeIagreetogoanywhere. Butyoucanthaveseriouslyjustsuggestedthetwoofusgetmarried? Oh,Imserious,herepliedgrimly.Verymuchso. Butyoudontevenknowme IknowallIneedtoknow,hedeclared.Yourehardworking.Independent.A goodmother Myteetharesound,too,sheputinsarcastically. Xandergaveanappreciativegrin.Thereyouhaveasenseofhumouraswell! Itshysteria,MrFraser,nothumour,Caseypointedout,sittingupstraighterin thearmchairtolookathimsearchingly.Why?shefinallyvoicedinaguarded tone. Addastutetoyourlistofattributes!heteased,notunkindly. Well,IcertainlyknowyouarentsuggestingImarryyoubecauseyouve suddenlydecidedyouvefallenmadlyinlovewithme!sheretorted. No,heacknowledgedseriously.Doyouwanttoknowwhyyou?OrwhyI needtogetmarriedatall? Both,Caseysnapped. DoesJoshhaveanypaternalgrandparents?heasked,insteadofanswering eitherofthosequestions. Caseylookedsurprised.Yes. AndhavetheyeverconsideredtryingtotakeJoshfromyou? Afterthewaytheirsonbehaved?Theywouldntdare!sheassuredhim,wings ofangrycolourappearinginthosepalecheeks. Well,Bradfeelsnosuchscrupleswherehisgranddaughterisconcerned, Xandersaidcoldly.

YourfatherinlawwantstotakeLaurenawayfromyou?Caseygasped.But why? Xanderraisedaneyebrow.WhydoeshewantLauren?Orwhydoeshethinkhe hasreasontotakeLaurenfromme? Either.Both!Caseyfrownedheragitationathishabitofansweringher questionswithmorequestions,atthesametimewonderinghowshewouldhave feltifSamsparentshadeverthreatenedtotryandtakeJoshfromher. AsdesperateasXanderFraserobviouslydid,ifhismarriageproposaltoherwas anythingtogoby! Hesighed.Bradishurtingverybadlyatthemoment.Hisdaughterhisonly childdiedfourmonthsago,andnowthathisinitialshockhasrecededIbelieve heseesLaurenasareplacementinhislifeforChloe.HeinformedmeonSunday thatheintendsapplyingforcustodyofLauren.Itriedreasoningwithhim,and pointedoutthatheisntthinkingrationallyatthemoment.Heisntlistening, Xanderconcludeddarkly. Caseygavehimasearchinglook,knowingbythegrimnessofhisexpressionthat hetookhisfatherinlawsthreatseriously.ButsurelyBradHenderson,no matterhowrichandinfluential,couldneversucceedinsuchathreat? Youdidntanswermyotherwhy,sheprompted. XanderFraserseyesflashed.Whydoeshethinkhemightsucceedinsucha claim?Hislipsbrieflycompressedintoatightlinebeforehecontinued. Whetheryoubelievemeornot,Iconsidermyselfagoodfather.Buttherehave beenproblemssinceChloeandIseparated.Imawayonbusinessalot, obviously.Laurenhasbeendifficultatschool.Shehasalsomanagedto dispatchthefournanniesIveemployedinasmanymonths.Bradintendsusing alloftheaboveasawayofprovinghewouldbeabetterguardianforLauren thanIam. Butthosethingsdontmeananything.Caseyshookherhead.Joshhasbeena littletroubledatschool,too.Butwithhisfatherleaving,thestrangenessof havinganotherwomaninhisfatherslife,andthentheirsuddendeathsits onlynaturalthatthereshouldbesomesortofreaction.Imsurethatsallthats happeningwithLauren,too.

Heshrugged.Youknowthat.Iknowthat.Bradobviouslyseesthings differently.Hesangry,upset,andhesblamingeverythingandeveryone, includingme,forChloesdeath.Atthemomenthesimplydoesntseethathe helpedformChloeintotheselfishpersonsheundoubtedlywas.Andnodoubt hewouldmakeLaurenequallyselfishifheweretogethishandsonher. ItwasnttoodifficultforCaseytoimaginethescenarioXanderdescribed. Itwasdifficult,however,tounderstandhowproposingmarriagetoherwas goingtosolvehisdilemma! Soyouthinkmarryingacompletestrangerisgoingtostophimfromgoing aheadwithacustodybattle?shesaidwithafrown. Ithinkmarryingawomanwhoseyoungsonisalreadyfriendswithmy daughtershestalkedaboutJoshincessantlythelastfourmonths!and providingLaurenwithastepmotherandthestabilityofaproperfamilylife,is goingtostophimfromeventrying,yes! Onebighappyfamily,hmm?Caseygrimaced. Canyoucomeupwithabetteridea?Xandersnapped. Howaboutmarryingsomeoneyouactuallylove? Hegaveherapityingglance.Donttellme,aftersevenyearsofmarriagetoa manlikeSamBridges,thatyoustillbelieveinthelovemyth?AnymorethanIdo aftersevenyearsofmarriagetoChloe? Hereyesflasheddeeplygreen.Ithinkweshouldleavemymarriageoutofthis. Howcanwe?Xanderasked.Itsbecauseyourmarriagewasasdisastrousas minethatIbelievedyoumightbereceptivetomyproposal ThatImightbefinanciallydesperateenoughtobereceptivetoyourproposal youmean,dontyou?Caseybridledangrily,standinguptoglareathim.Im suretheremustbedozensofwomenyoucouldfindwhowouldmarryyou withouttheofferoffinancialinducement!

SomeonewhowouldexpectmorefrommethanImwillingtogive,youmean? Hismouthtwistedcynically.Iwouldratherpayupfrontfortheprivilege,thank youverymuch.Atleastthatwaywewouldknowexactlywherewestood! Idontneedyourdamnedcharity Noyouremanagingjustfineonyourown,arentyou?hetaunted.Youre workingattwojobsandyoustilldonthaveenoughmoneytofeedbothJosh andyourself.Andfromthelooksofthingsyouvebeensellingoffthefurniturea pieceatatime,too Getout,MrFraser.Caseycuthimoffwithquietdetermination,herhands clenchedintofistsathersides.Takeyourofferand Butyouhaventheardwhatmyofferisyet,Casey. Idontneedtohearit Heignoredherprotest.Asmystepson,Joshwouldgotothesameprivate schoolsasLauren.Universitylater,too.AndIwouldputfundsintrustforhim toreceivewhenhestwentyone.Neitherhenoryouwouldeverhavetoworry aboutmoneyeveragain. Andinreturnforallthat,whatdoIgiveyou?Caseyasked,withmorethana touchofsarcasm. Justyournamewithmineonamarriagecertificate. Caseyshookherhead.Iunderstandwhyyouredoingthis,MrFraserIreally do,shereiteratedashegaveaderisivesnort;ifanyonetriedtotakeJoshaway fromhershewoulddowhatshehadtodotokeephim,too.ButBrad Hendersonwouldneverbelieveinamarriagebetweenthetwoofus. Yourewrongthere,Casey,Xandercontradictedherflatly.Ivehadfourdays tothinktoworryaboutthisandaftermysevenhellishyearsofmarriageto Chloe,IcanassureyouIvemademyviewsonmarryingagainonlytooplain. WhichiswhyIthinkamarriagebetweenthetwoofusSamsdesertedwife andChloesdesertedhusbandistheonlyonethatBradwouldevenhalf believein.

Ifitwassohellish,whydidyoustaymarriedtoChloeforsolong?shesnapped, stungbyhowheddescribedherasdeserted;hemadehersoundlikeapairof oldshoesSamhadsimplylaidtoonesideandforgotten! WhydidyoustaymarriedtoBridges?heretorted. ButCaseyknewtheanswertothequestionevenbeforetheybothansweredat thesametime. BecauseofLauren! BecauseofJosh! Xandergaveamockinginclinationofhishead.Andthen,asitturnedout,our fearswereallfornothingbecausewhentheydidbothfinallyleaveneitherof themwantedLaurenorJosh!Theyonlywantedeachother. Itwastrue,Caseyacknowledgedpainfully.Whateveritwasthathadburntso fiercelybetweenSamandChloelove,lust,whatevereverythingelsehadbeen surplustorequirements.Includingtheirtwochildren. AllImaskingrightnowisthatyouthinkaboutmarryingme,Casey,Xander encouraged.ThinkofwhatthetwoofusmarryingcouldmeantoyouandJosh, ofwhatIcouldgiveyou IsaidIdontwanttohearanyofthat!Caseycutinshakily,disturbedbyhis offerinspiteofherself. Because,theofferoffinancialsecurityforherselfapart,shewantedallthose thingshehadmentionedforJosh,andshehatedthefactthatshewasnever goingtobeabletoprovidethemforhim. AndXanderFraserhadtohaveknownthatperfectlywellwhenhemadehis outrageousofferofmarriage Fourdayshehadsaidhedhadtothinkaboutasolutiontohisproblem,whereas shehadonlyhadamatterofminutestoacceptthatthismanreallywas proposingmarriagetoher.Thattheonlyreasonhehadchosenherwasbecause heknewshewasdesperatelyinneedofthefinancialsecurityheoffered.

Thathefeltconfidentinmakingtheoffertoherbecauseheknewher circumstancesweresuchthathewouldntneedtopretendaloveforherhe wouldneverfeel. XanderwatchedtheconflictingemotionsflickeringacrossCaseysface,realising shewasbothtemptedandrepelledbyhisoffer. Hehadnoideawhichemotionwasgoingtowin CHAPTERFOUR SHEneededtimetothinkaboutthis,Caseydecided.Sheneededtositdownand thinkrationallyaboutallthatXanderFraserwasofferingher. Shenomorewantedtomarryagainthanheobviouslydidhadbeenjustas souredbyherunhappymarriagetoSamashehadbyhishellishmarriageto Chloe. Butthatwasntallthatwasatstakehere,wasit?ShehadJoshswelfareto consider.And,ashisstepfather,Xandercouldgivehimalltheadvantagesinlife thatsheknewshewouldneverbeabletoprovideforhim. Butbeforemakinganydecisionwassheactuallyconsideringhisproposal? despitehisearliercomment,shereallyneededtoknowexactlywhathewould wantfromherinreturn. Shelookedacrossathimwarily,onceagainjoltedbyhissheerphysical magnetism.Hewasanextremelyhandsomeman,hisdarkgoodlooksmorewild andruggedthanthesmoothlygoldenAdonisSamhadbeen.Yes,Xanderwas certainlymuchmorevitallyphysical.Thatveryruggednesssuggestedan enjoymentofallthesensualpleasures Yousaidyourmarriageproposalwasapurelybusinessproposition?she askedslowly. Heeasilyreturnedhergaze,darkbrowsrisingevenasawickedlittlesmile curvedhislips.Casey,whydontyoujustcomerightoutandaskwhetherthe marriagewouldincludeussleepingtogether? Colourwarmedhercheeksevenassheglaredathim.Well,wouldit?

Xanderknewhecouldhavecontinuedtoplaywithher.Thathewouldhave enjoyedteasingheralittle.Thathelikedthewaysheblushedwhenshewas embarrassed,resemblingasoft,fluffykittenwhenitfeltitselfcornered. Butthesituationwastooseriousforhimtoprolongthisparticularconversation. Bradsthreatsweretoopainful.Hewassuretheoldermanwouldultimately lose,butatwhatcosttoLaurensalreadydelicatelybalancedemotions? Soinsteadheshrugged.Illgoalongwithwhateveryouwant. WhateverI?Shebrokeoffincredulously,hereyeswidewithshock.Areyou sayingthatifIdecidedIwantedtowantedto? Togotobedwithme,Xanderinsertedhelpfully. Shenodded.ThatifIwantedthat,youwouldbewillingtoto? Gotobedwithyou,hefinishedsoftly.Yes,Idbewillingtodothat. Shelookedtotallystunnednow,andXanderrealisedjusthowyoungshewas. Perhapsnotinyearstwentysevenreallywasntthatyoungbutmost definitelyinexperience,ifshedidntknowthatshecouldenjoyphysical pleasurewithoutbeinginlovewiththepersonshewasmakinglovewith. Whynot,Casey?headded.Afterall,itwouldbeperfectlylegal. Hehadafeelingitwouldbesomethinghewouldenjoytoo.Therecouldbe depthstothiswomansemotionsthatshehadntevendiscoveredfullyfor herselfyet.Yes,hemightenjoyadministeringthatTLChehadthoughtherin needofearlieron Itbeinglegalhasnothingtodowithit!Caseysaidindignantly.Icouldnt justjustgotobedwithyoubecauseapieceofpapersaysIcan! Whycouldntyou?Hecameacrosstheroomtostandonlyinchesawayfrom her,oneofhishandsrisingtolightlycupthesideofherfaceashisthumbmoved caressinglyacrossthefullnessofherlowerlip.Youreaverybeautifulwoman, hemurmuredhuskily,hisgazeroamingoverhersuddenlypaleface.Would youfinditsuchahardshiptogotobedwithme?heasked.

Caseyfoundherselfmesmerisedbythosegorgeousfirmlipsonlyinchesaway fromherown.Whatwoulditbeliketofeelthemmovingsearchinglyagainst hers?Tohavehimkissandcaress? No! Youwould,Xandersaidregretfullyassheflinchedbackfromhim.Casey, thousandsofpeoplegotobedtogethereverydayfornootherreasonthanthat pieceofpaper. Notme!sheassuredhimfirmly,veryawareofthewayshestilltrembledfrom hislightcaress,andwonderingifshewasbeingtruthfultoXanderorherself ShehadbeeninlovewithSamwhentheydfirstmarried.Oratleastshehad thoughtshewas.Ithadntbeenlongbeforeshehadunderstoodthat,atonly twentyyearsold,shehadprobablybeentooyoungtorealiseshewasjust dazzledbythefactthatsomeonesogoodlookingandcharmingasSamshould havefalleninlovewithher.Butbythenithadbeentoolate.Theyhadalready beenmarriedayear,Joshhadbeenababyonlytwomonthsold,andherfather hadrecentlydied. ButshehadcontinuedtobemarriedtoSamforafurthersixyears,hadntshe? Andithadonlybeenduringthelastsixmonthsoftheirmarriagethatthe physicalsideofthingshadendedcompletely. Yes,butthatwasdifferent,shetoldherselffirmlynow.Samhadbeenher husband Only,ifsheacceptedXanderFrasersmarriageproposalhewouldbeher husband,too! No,shecouldntgothroughwiththis!Nomatterwhatthefinancialinducement tomakeJoshslifemorecomfortableandherownlifefreeofthecontinual financialstress Ionlysaiditwasanoption,Casey.Xanderspokeevenlyashesawthesudden panicinhereasilyreadableexpression. HeropenemotionswerecertainlyarefreshingchangeafteryearsofChloes deceitandmachinations!

Chloehadbeenthemostbeautifulwomanhehadeverseteyesonwhenhemet hersevenandahalfyearsagoabeautifulebonyhairedblueeyedbutterfly whohaddazzledandbeguiledeverymanshecameintocontactwith.Including him.AndXanderhadpursuedherrelentlesslyuntilhecaughther. Butafteronlyafewbriefmonthsofmarriagehehadrealisedthatshetrulywasa butterflythatheremotions,oncegiven,lastedonlyfleetingly,beforeshe movedontothenextconquest.Andthenext.Andthenext. OnlythefactthatChloehadfoundherselfpregnantattheendoftheirsixweek longhoneymoonatleastXanderhadbeensurethatLaurenwashis!hadkept themarriagefromendingindivorceonceheddiscoveredChloehadtakenher firstlover. Andthatwasalltheirmarriagehadbeenasham,afrontforthedozensofmen Chloehadenthralledintoherbed.Menshewouldenjoy,butwhocouldnt demandtoomuchfromherwhenshehadtheprotectionofapowerfulhusband likeXanderFraser. Heshouldhavedivorcedheryearsago,ofcourse,butthepossibilityofChloe takingLaurenwithherwhensheleftthedaughterheadoredhadprevented himfromtakingsuchaction. ThefactthathewasnowbeingthreatenedinthesamewaybyChloesfatherwas totallyunacceptable! Iwouldbequitehappywithamarriageofconvenience,Casey;Imreallynot thatdesperateforaphysicalrelationshipwithanunwillingwife!hetoldher, suddenlyharshafterrecallingsuchunwelcomememories. Wherehadthatangercomefromsosuddenly?Caseywondered. Andwhowastosayshewouldbeunwilling? Herreactiontohistouchjustnowhadtoldherthatshewasntindifferenttohim. Andshehadalreadyacknowledgedtoherselfearlierthatshefoundthisman physicallyattractivethatheexudedapowerfulvitalitythatwouldmakeit impossibleevertoignorehimsohowmuchmoredisturbingwashegoingto beifhewasherhusband?Ifshewaslivingwithhimonapermanentbasis? Shecouldntbeseriouslythinkingofacceptinghisproposal,couldshe?

ButforJoshssake,shecouldntnotseriouslythinkaboutit! Shehadbeenawareforsomeweeksthatshewasfightingalosingbattlewhenit cametopayingherbillsaswellasthemortgageSamhadtakenoutonthishouse inordertoraiseextracapital.Sheknewshemightsoonhavetogiveupeven tryingtoholdontoherfamilyhome,andfindsomewheretorentinstead.There wouldbeafewthousandpoundstobankoncethehousewassold,butnowhere nearenoughtogiveJoshalltheadvantagesXanderFraserwasofferingifhe becamehersonsstepfather. SohowcouldshenotacceptXandersmarriageproposal? Shemoistenedlipsthathadgonedry.IfIweretoacceptIsaidif,MrFraser, sheemphasised,whenshesawthelookoftriumphflareinthosedarkblueeyes. IthinkyouhadbettercallmeXander,dontyou?heinvited. Shegavehimascathingglanceanddeliberatelydidntrespondtohisinvitation. Achildishgesture,perhaps,butshehadafeelingthatanyadvantageshemight everhaveoverXanderFraserwasgoingtobeasmallone!IfIaccept,exactly whenwereyouthinkingofthismarriagetakingplace? Xanderdampeddownhisfeelingofelationthatshewasevenconsideringhis offerwhichwasprettystrangeforamanwho,afterChloesinfidelities,had swornhewouldnevermarryagain! Butthiswasamarriagetobemadeoutofnecessityratherthanchoice,he excusedhimself.Itwasforhisdaughterssake,nothisownexactlythereason hehadsettledonCaseyBridgesalongwithhersonJosh,whoLaurenadored inthefirstplace! Heshrugged.Assoonaswecangetalicence,Iwouldhavethought.Thesooner thebetter,infact.Whywait,Casey?headdedpersuasivelyasheonceagainsaw thatlookofpanicinherface.Thesooneritsdone,themattersettled,thesooner wecanallgetonwithourlives. HehadalwayslikedandrespectedBradHenderson,andheknewitwasthe othermansgriefatlosingChloethatwasmakinghimbehaveirrationallyatthe moment;unfortunately,Xandercouldntaffordtogivetheothermantimeto cometohissenses.HewasalltooawareofthedamagethatBradcouldwreakin Laurenslifeaswellashisownbeforethathappened.

ThesoonerhegotCaseyBridgestoagreetohismarriageproposalthebetter.He founditdistinctlyunflatteringthatsheviewedmarriagetohiminsopoora lightmostwomenheknewwouldhavejumpedattheoffer. Butthen,thewomenwhohadbeeninhislifethelastyearwereashardand graspingasChloehadbeen.Hehadchosenthemdeliberately.Atleastheknew wherehestoodwithwomenlikethat.Hewouldcertainlyneverconsiderfor anyreason!offeringmarriagetooneofthem. Caseywasntlikethemwouldneverbelikethemwhichmeanthehadtoback offalittleandgivehersometimetomakeherdecision.Hopefully,shewould realisetherewerefartoomanyadvantagesforJoshtoallowherscruplestostand intheway. Whydontyoutakeovernighttothinkaboutit,andIllcallyouinthemorning? hesuggestedlightly. Overnight?Caseyechoedwithanothersurgeofinwardpanic.Couldshetake justafewhourstomakeadecisionthatwouldaffecttherestofherlife? AndJoshs Josh.Herweakspot.AweaknessXanderFraserhadalreadyexploitedtohis advantage Butapparentlynotheronlyweakness,Caseyacknowledgedthoughtfullyasshe rememberedthewayshehadtrembled,thewarmththathadcoursedthrough herbody,whenXanderFraserhadtouchedher. Yes,shehadtotakeintoaccountherunmistakableresponsetoallthatleashed magnetism,too.Shewouldbefoolishnottodoso. Sheraisedherchinandinfusedhervoicewithdetermination.WhydontItake mytimetothinkaboutitandcallyouwhenIreachadecision? Hismouthtightened,hisgazenarrowingspeculativelyasshedeliberatelyturned hissuggestionbackonhim.Whydontyou?hefinallygrowled,takinghis walletfromthebackpocketofhisdenimstoremoveabusinesscardandplaceit onthecoffeetable.Butdonttaketoolong,hmm?headded.

Orwhat?Caseywonderedwithafrownasshewatchedhimturnonhisheeland leave. Thefrontdoorclosedbehindhimsecondslater. Wouldshefindtheofferhadbeenrescindedifsheditheredtoolongingiving himananswer? Wouldhedecideshewasntworththetroubleandfindsomeoneelsesomeone morereceptivetomakehisofferofmarriageto? CHAPTERFIVE MRFRASER Xander,Casey,heinsistedasheeasilyrecognisedhervoiceontheotherendof thetelephoneline. Heshould;atalmostsevenoclockintheevening,hehadbeenwaitingallday forthiscall! Ivereachedadecision,shetoldhimwithoutpreamble. Xanderwasntintheleastreassuredbyherbusinessliketone.Hehadan uncomfortablefeelingthatCaseysscruplesmighthavewonout,afterall. Ofasort,sheadded,lesscertainly. Xanderfrowned.Hispatiencewasalreadytriedtothelimitbecausehedhadto waitalldayforherphonecall. ItdidnthelpthatBradslawyershadalreadybeenintouchwithhisand suggestedthattheyandtheirclienthaveameetinginordertotryandsettle custodyofMrHendersonsgranddaughteroutofcourt! Yes?heprompted,perhapsashadetootersely. Caseysmouthfeltdry.Herhandwasshakingslightlyassheheldthetelephone receivertoherear,havingwaiteduntilaftershehadputJoshtobedbefore makingthiscall.

ShehadspentasleeplessnightthinkingovereverythingXanderFraserhadsaid toher,andadistracteddaydoingexactlythesame.Andthefactthatsheknew hewasntgoingtolikewhatshehadtosaycertainlywasnthelpingher nervousness. ForGodssake,justsayyesorno,Casey!hebitoutashispatiencefinally snapped. Imaybe,sheansweredunhelpfully,moisteningdrylips.Shecouldfeelthe tensioninXanderssilenceontheotherendoftheline.Ivethoughtover everythingyousaid.IcanseethebenefittoJoshandmyselfineverythingyou offered.IjustShedrewinaraggedbreath.IwouldneedtomeetBrad Henderson,toassuremyselfthathisthreatisreal,beforeIcouldpossiblygive youananswer!Thewordscameoutinarushasshehurriedtogetthis unpleasantnessoverwith. ItwastheonlyconclusionCaseyhadcometoduringthelasttwentyhoursofher thoughtsgoingroundandroundincirclesandalwayscomingbacktothatone point:maybeBradHendersoncouldbemadetoseehowunreasonablyhewas behaving,thatitwasgriefathisdaughtersdeaththatwasgoverninghisactions ratherthanarealbeliefonhispartthatLaurenwouldbebetteroffwithhim?If theoldermancouldbemadetoseethatthenXanderwouldhavenoneedto thinkaboutmarryinganyoneleastofallCasey. Howwasthatforshootingherselfinthefoot? Areyouserious,Casey?Xanderexclaimed.ThemoodBradwasinthelasttime wespoke,hewouldeatyoufordinner! DinnerwasexactlywhatIhadinmind,shereplied,tryingnottofeeltoo concerned.Infact,Ivealreadyaskedfortomorroweveningoffworkin anticipationofthearrangement.Doyouthink,ifyouaskedhim,hewouldagree tocome?Nothere,ofcourse,sheaddedhastily. Yourelackingadiningroomtable,foronething,Xandersnarled.Sorry,he mutteredatherreprovingsilence,then,Icanaskhim,heconceded.Butyou hadbetterbepreparedfortheworstifheagrees,hewarned. IthinkIcancope,Caseyassuredhimdryly;afterdealingwiththeshockofthis mansproposallastnight,shewassureshecouldcopewithanythingBrad Hendersonhadtothrowather.IthinkitstherightthingtodoerXander.

Therethatwasntsohard,now,wasit?hetaunted,beforeaddingwithasigh, Youreprettyinsistentondoingwhatyouthinkisright,arentyou,Casey? Iwouldhateforyoutofindyourselfmarriedtomeandthendiscoveryou neednthavebothered,afterall!shecamebacktartly. Helaughedappreciatively,withahuskysoftnessthatseemedtomoveteasingly acrossCaseyssensitisedskinandsentashiverofawarenessdownthelengthof herspine. Youmaynotfinditsofunnyifthatweretobethecase!shesnapped, uncomfortablewiththefactthatshecouldbesoawareofhimjusttalkingtohim onthetelephone. Thiswomanwassomethingelse,Xanderacknowledgedwryly.Notonlywasshe hesitatingaboutacceptingamarriageproposalfromamanwhowasrichenough toensurethatsheneverneededtoworryaboutmoneyeveragain,butshewas alsoconcernedthatheshouldneverhavecausetoregretthemarriage! Incredible. IthinkIwouldcope,Casey.Hemockinglyechoedherearlierassurancetohim. IllgiveBradacall,andthengiveyouaringbackokay?headdedbriskly, abruptlyendingthecall.Hewasnotsurewhattomakeofheratall. Itwasfineforhimtoactuallylikethewomanhewasintendingtomarryit wouldbehellforallofthemifhedidntanditwasokaythathefoundCaseys delicatebeautydesirable,too;afterall,shemightwanttochangethetermsof theirmarriagesometimeinthefuture.Buthecertainlydidntneedtofeel anythingelseforher! Noteventhegrudgingadmirationhenowfeltafterthatsurprisingtelephone conversation Hehasntarrivedyet,soyoucanstoplookingsoapprehensive,Xandertoldher thefollowingevening,afterthebutlerhadshownCaseyintothesittingroom.

Howcouldshehelpbutfeelanxiouswhenshewasntevencomfortablein Xanderscompany,letaloneinthatofhisangryexfatherinlawwhowas arrivingatanymoment? Youlookwonderful,Xandersaidwithslowappreciation. Caseyquirkedherbrowsmischievously.IdontalwayslookasifIvebeen draggedthroughakitchenbackwards! IdidntmeanYoureteasingme,herealisedinsurprise. Shenodded.IthoughtwehadalreadyagreedthatIhaveasenseofhumour? Andshewasprobablygoingtoneedit,too! Butatleastsheknewshedidlookokay.Shehadspentaleisurelyhourorsoin thebathroombeforegettingreadytocomeout:blowdryingherhairintosilky wisps,keepinghermakeuplightatouchoflipstickandblusher,alittle mascaraemphasisingthelengthofherlashes.Theblackkneelengthsheathofa dresssheworewasseveralyearsold,butofgoodqualitynonetheless,andthe factthatsheknewitsuitedherslendercurvesgaveanaddedboosttoher confidence. Hannahsuitablychastenedafterherbehaviourtheothereveninghadreadily agreedtobabysitwhileCaseywentoutfortheevening,andhadarrived promptlyatsevenoclock,assuringCaseythatshehadnoneedtohurryback, thatshewasquitehappytostayforaslongasshewantedtobeout. Thedaughterofaneighbourthreedoorsdown,Hannahwasprobablybursting withcuriosityaboutthisunusualeveningoutforCasey.Butitwasacuriosity Caseyhadntfeltintheleastinclinedtosatisfy.Timeenough,ifCaseysmarriage toXanderFraserdidgoaheadafterall,forherneighboursspeculation. Xanderhadcompletelymisreadheremotionwhenshedbeenshownintothe sittingroomofhisbeautifulhomeshewasntfeelingapprehensiveatall,but slightlyinaweoftheFraserhome.Electricgateshadopenedslowlyattheendof alongdrivewayaftershehadgivenhernameovertheintercom,andlongrolling lawnshadedgedthatdrivewayasshedrovethehalfmileorsotothemain house.Itwasamagnificenthouseofmellowstone,floodlitfromtheoutside, withlightsinsidegleamingawelcomefromcrystalchandeliers. Amagnificenthousethatshemightbecomemistressof

Italsodidnthelpthat,havingbeenshownintothisgoldandcreamsittingroom, withitsgenuineRegencyfurnishingsandafireburninginthehugeAdam fireplace,shefeltslightlyoverwhelmedbyhowwonderfulXanderlookedinhis blackeveningsuit,withablackbowtieknottedmeticulouslyatthethroatofhis whitesilkshirt. Hecrossedtheroomineasystridestostandjustinfrontofher,hisgazeintentas helookeddownather.Youreallydolookverybeautifulthisevening,hetold herhuskily. Asawidowwithayoungson,shewassurelytoooldtoblush,Caseytold herself,evenasshefeltthewarmthenterhercheeksasXanderrepeatedhis compliment. Ilikethefactthatyoudothis,Xandermurmured,evenashishandmovedand hisfingersbrushedlightlyagainstthatblushinhercheeks. Caseystaredupathim,hergazecaughtandheldbyhis,herlipsslightlyparted andherbreathingbecomingshallow. Thesquarenessofhisjawlookedfreshlyshaved,hisaftershavewasalluringly musky,andthosesculpturedlipscurvedslightlyintoasmileashelookeddown atherwiththosedarkblueeyes.EyesthatseemedfathomlessasCaseysuddenly feltherselfunabletolookaway MrHenderson,sir,thebutlerannouncedhaughtily,beforewhatCaseycould onlydescribeasawhirlwindsweptintotheroom. Xander!aharshAmericanvoicerasped.Whothehellisthis?BradHenderson demandedashesawCaseystandingatXandersside.Youdidnttellmewe wouldhavecompanythisevening!hebarkedattheyoungermanaccusingly. Thatwillbeall,Hilton.Xandercalmlydismissedthemanservantevenashe snakedhishandouttofirmlyclaspCaseysarmbeforeshewouldhavestepped awayfromhim. Caseywastoostunnedattheoldermansverbalattacktodoanythingotherthan remaininXandersgraspasshecontinuedtostareacrosstheroomatthe aggressiveAmerican.Whatevershehadbeenexpectinganelderlymanbowed downbygriefathisdaughtersdeath,perhaps?itcertainlywasntthistall,

looselimbed,energeticallyvitalmaninblackeveningclothes,hisstillattractive featuresdefyinghissixtysomethingyears. Itwasobvious,lookingatBradHenderson,whereChloehadgotherlooksfrom. Hisdarkhairwasshowingsignsofgreyatthetemples,buthisblueeyeshadthe samenarrowedshrewdnesshisdaughtershadhad. EvenonsuchbriefacquaintanceCaseyknewXanderwasrighttofearthismans determinationtoclaimhisgranddaughter! Itwaswhatshehadwantedtoknow,afteralljustnotquitesoforcefully.Or quitesosoon Well,shecouldntsayXanderhadnttriedtowarnher! Goodevening,MrHenderson,shegreetedhimsmoothly,steppingforwardto holdherhandoutpolitely. Ahandtheoldermancompletelyignoredasthehardnessofhisgazeremained fixedonXander.Whoisshe,Xander?hedemandedscathingly.Somewoman youvebroughtinfortheeveninginthehopeofdistractingmyattentionfrom therealreasonImhere?TheonlyreasonImhere,headdedharshly. Caseysbreathcaughtinherthroatatthedoubleinsultthismanhadjustthrown outsocasually.ToimplythatXanderwouldstooptosuchbehaviourwasbad enough,buttheslightheddirectedatherwasincrediblyinsulting,considering theyhadntevenbeenintroducedtoeachother. Icanassureyou,MrHenderson,that Iwasnttalkingtoyou,honey.Well,Xander?Areyougoingtosayanything,or juststandtherelikeadummyallevening?hechallenged. XandercouldclearlyfeelCaseystensionashemaintainedhisgrasponherarm. Aperfectlyunderstandabletension,consideringBradwasexcellinghimselfwith hisrudenessthisevening. HisfatherinlawmightbelievehimcapableofmanythingsmostofthemBrad hadalreadychosentovolublysharewithXanderduringtheirtelephone conversationonSundayeveningbutbeingaprocurerofwomenhadntsofar numberedamongstthem!

Casey?Xanderprompted,andhelookeddownather,raisinganeyebrowin enquiry,knowingthatthenextmovewasuptoherthathecouldntgoany furtherwiththisconversationwithoutknowingwhatherintentionswere. Shegavehimastartledlook,hereyeswideningassheunderstoodexactlywhat hewasaskingofher. Butshehadnochoice,Xanderacknowledgedgrimly.Whatevermethodof introductionheweretouse,themoodBradwasinhewassuretomisunderstand it.Caseyhadtobetheonewhodecidedwhathappenednext. Shegavehimafrown,beforeglancingacrossatBrad.Herbackstraightenedas thatglanceseemedtobringhertosomesortofdecision. Xanderfoundhimselfholdinghisbreathashewaitedtoseewhatthatdecision wasgoingtobe. Herchinrosechallengingly.Imafraidyouvecompletelymisunderstoodthe situation,MrHenderson,shetoldhimwithquietdignity.Xanderdidinviteyou herethiseveningsothatthetwoofuscouldmeet,yes.Butheintendedto introducemetoyouashisfiance,andLaurensfuturestepmother,ratherthan anythingelseyoumighthaveassumed!Therewasaslightedgetohervoiceas shefinishedthispronouncement. Xanderwasntsureifhewantedtokisshermoreatthatmomentthanhehad whenshehadarrivedearlier,lookingsostunningly,desirablybeautiful! HerannouncementhadcertainlyhadthedesiredeffectonBrad.Helooked momentarilynonplussed,butherecoveredquickly,hisblueeyesnarrowing speculativelyasheshotXanderaderisiveglance.Whatisthis,Xander?Aset up?Youregoingtokeepasocalledfiancehangingaroundforacoupleof monthsinthehopeofdistractingmefromacustodysuit? XandershandtightenedonCaseysarmashesensedherbristlingindignation. Letmeintroducethetwoofyouproperly,hedrawled.CaseyBrad Henderson.Brad,thisisCaseyBridges. IdontgiveadamnBridges,didyousay?Theoldermansattention sharpenednoticeably.AreyoutellingmethatshesSamBridgeswidow?

Oneandthesame,Brad,Xanderconfirmedsoftly,nowabletofeelCaseys slighttremblingastheoldermanturnedtogiveheracloserexamination. YouremarryingSamBridgeswidow?Bradpracticallyshoutedincredulously. AmImarryingthewomanwhosehusbandyourdaughterseducedfromhis marriage?Thewomanwhowasleftaloneandpennilessafterthatbastard walkedoutonherandhersonbecausehefoundhimselfawomanwhohad moremoneythansense?Yes,ImmarryingCasey,Brad.Henoddedabruptly, hisgazechallengingtheothermannow,knowingthatBradhaddislikedSam BridgesalmostasmuchasXanderhad. Bradsfacewasfloridwithangerasheglaredatthetwoofthem. Damnittohell,Xander!SamBridgeswidow?herepeated,shakinghisheadin utterdisbelief. Thatscorrect.Caseywastheonetoanswerhuskily.ImsureXanderand Lauren,ofcoursewouldbepleasedifyoudcaretoattendtheweddingnext month? Bradsresponsetothatwascompletelypredictable.Youhaventheardthelast ofthis,Xander,hewarnedfiercely. Butthethreatwasbluster,purebluster,andtheyallknewit CHAPTERSIX WHEW,Caseybreathedweaklyasshecollapseddownintooneofthe sumptuousarmchairs.BradHendersonhadstormedoutoftheroomandthe houseonlysecondsago.Whatatrulyobnoxiousman! Here.Xandersoundedamusedashehandedheroneofthetwoglassesof brandyhehadjustpoured.Hereallyisntsuchabadguynormally,heexcused withagrimace. Caseylookedupathim,browsraised.Illtakeyourwordforit!shesaid,before takingarevivingsipofthebrandy.

Itwasobviouslyanexpensivebrandunlikethecookingsherrytwoevenings ago!anditslidsmoothlydownherthroattowarmherinsideandtakeaway someoftheshockofthelasttenminutes. AndcanItakeyourannouncementtoBradasyours?Xanderaskedashestood besideherchairlookingdownather. Herannouncementthatshewashisfiance. Thattheweddingwasgoingtobenextmonth. SheavoidedXanderssearchinggaze.ImsurethatnormallyBradHendersonis areasonableman.Shewasntsureofanysuchthing,consideringhisbehaviour justnow,andtheselfishwayhisdaughterhadturnedout,butshewaswillingto takeXanderswordforitifheclaimedotherwise.Buthecertainlyisntfitatthis momentintimetohavethecareandcontrolofanalreadyemotionally traumatisedsixyearoldgirl! Youdidntanswermyquestion,CaseyXanderprompteddryly. No,shehadnt,hadshe?Becauseshefeltalittleshywithhimnowthatthetwo ofthemwereonceagainalonewasveryawarethatbeforeBradHendersonhad interruptedthemshehadbeenonthepointofraisingherfaceforXanderskiss. Themanshehadjustannouncedshewasengagedtomarry! Xandergavealowchuckle.Ithoughthewasgoingtoblowacompletegasket whenyouinvitedhimtoattendtheweddingnextmonth! Caseywincedatthisreminderthatshehaddoneexactlythat.And,considering thattomorrowwasthestartofthenextmonth,theweddingwasdestinedtotake placesometimeinthenextfourweeks! Idid,didntI?ShechewedonherbottomlipasshelookedupatXander.Pure bravadoonmypart,Imafraid.IdontthinkIwouldbetoothrilledifhe changedhismindanddecidedtoattendafterall! Xandersmiledashelookeddownather,findingthiswomanmoreandmore intriguingbytheminute.

Thetwoearlieroccasionstheyhadmet,shehadbeenruffledathavingtocollect JoshfromthehousehisfatherhadsharedwithChloe,letaloneseeingXander there,too. Twoeveningsagoshehadbeentiredandlookinglessthanherbestafterahard dayworkingattwojobs. Buttonighttonightshelookedabeautifulandsophisticatedwoman.Someone hehadbeenproudtopresenttoBradashisfuturewife. If,indeed,thatwaswhatshewasgoingtobe Hismouthtightened.Casey?hepressedagain. Shecouldntprevaricateanymore,Caseyknew.Itwascruel.Shehadtogivehim answer.Afterall,shedhadnoqualmsabouttellingBradHendersonwhather decisionwastobe! Shesatupstraighterinthechair.Aftercarefulconsideration,IIvedecidedto acceptyourproposalyourbusinessproposition,sheamendedfirmly, determinedthatXandershouldrealisethatasfarasshewasconcernedthiswas onlytobeabusinessarrangement. NotthatCaseyimaginedhethoughtofitasanythingelseifChloeFrasers exoticbeautywasanythingtogoby,shewashardlyhistype,now,wasshe? Whichbroughthertooneofthethingsthatdefinitelyhadtobesortedoutbefore anymarriagebetweenthemtookplace Thatsgood,Casey.Xandermurmuredhissatisfactionbeforeshecouldvoice herotherconcern. Wasitgood?shewondered,stillfilledwithdoubtsaboutherdecision,but knowingas,nodoubt,didXander!thatitwastheonlyoneshecouldhave made. Shecouldntquitemeethistriumphantgaze.Obviouslywestillhavetowork outthedetailsofthearrangement Dinnerisserved,MrFraser.Thetall,imposingbutlerstoodinthedoorway, lookingcompletelyunconcernedbythefactthattherewerenowonlytwopeople

lefttoeatthemealthathadbeenintendedforthree.AlthoughCaseydidnt doubtthatHilton,andtherestofthehouseholdservants,wereallwellawareof thewayBradHendersonhadstormedoutofthehouseminutesago.Ifnotthe reasonforit! Shallwe?Xanderheldouthisarmtotakeherthroughtothediningroom. ShedidntreallyneedtostaytodinnernowthatBradHendersonhadleftso suddenly,Caseyrealised.Althoughitwouldprobablylookevenmoreoddtothe staffifsheweretoleavewithouteatingtoo! Ofcourse,sheanswered,andshestooduptoplaceheremptybrandyglass downonasidetable,herhandtremblingslightlyasshemovedtoplaceherhand inthecrookofthearmheheldouttoher. Bringsomechampagnethrough,wouldyou,Hilton?Xanderinstructedthe butler. Champagne? Totoasttheirengagement,Caseyrealised. Or,rather,shecorrectedherselffirmly,tosealtheirbargain. Thedecisionmade,thecommitmentvoiced,Caseycouldfeelherpanicstarting toriseagainatexactlywhatshehaddone. ShedidntdoubtthatJoshwouldblossomintheeaseandcomforttobefoundin theFraserhousehold,northatheryoungsonwouldbethrilledatfindingLauren wastobehisstepsister,andhewouldbenefitfromachangeofschool,too. Heranxietywasmorebecauseshestillwasntsurequitewhatherrolewasgoing tobe! Xanderswife,obviously. Nodoubthishostess,too,ifheentertained. Butwhatelse?

Stopworryingsomuch,Xandermurmuredclosetoherearashepulledouta diningroomchairforhertositdown.Itwillallworkoutyoullsee,he promised. Wouldit?Caseywondered,slightlydisconcertedbythewarmthofhisbreath againstherneck.Woulditreally? Thefactthatthehighceilinged,ornatelydecorateddiningroomwasformallyset fortwothethirdplacinghavingbeenhastilyremoved,nodoubtdidnt exactlyinstilherwithconfidence,either.Shecouldnthelpbutnoticethatthe snowywhitenapkins,cutglasswinegobletsandthesilvercandelabrawith candlesalreadyalightwereacompletecontrasttoherowncrampedkitchen, wheremostoftheirlastconversationhadtakenplace. OnceagainXanderwatchedtheplayofemotionsthatflitteredacrossCaseys tellingface.HelookeduptogiveHiltonafrowningglanceastheotherman returnedcarryingasilvertraywiththerequestedbottleofchampagneandtwo glassflutes. Justleaveitonthesidethere,Hilton,hesaidimpatiently.Illdealwithit myself,headdedlessharshly,shootingthebutleranapologeticglanceashedid so;afterall,itwasnttheothermansfaultthatXandersbridetobewas becomingjitterynowthatshehadactuallycommittedherselftothemarriage. Verywell,sir,theelderlymanacknowledgedwithaninclinationofhissilvery head,beforequietlyleaving. Xandercrossedtheroomtopickupthechilledbottlewrappedinawhitelinen napkinandloosenthecork;perhapsifCaseygotsomechampagneinsidehershe mightstarttorelaxagain. Thesparklingwinepoured,hemovedacrosstheroomtohandheroneofthe twothirdsfullglassesbeforeraisinghisownglass.Tous,hetoastedhuskily. Caseyswallowedhard,herfingerstightaroundthedelicatechampagneflute. Tous,sheechoedawkwardly,beforetakingagratefulgulpofthebubblywine. Exceptitdidntquiteworkoutthatway.Thechilledwinehitthebackofher throat,whichwastightwithnervousness,andthenrefusedtogodown!

Shebegantocoughandchokeasthebubblyliquidwentuphernose,causingher eyestowater,too,holdingtheglassawayfromhersothatsheshouldntspillthe restofthechampagnedownherselforovertheornateAubussoncarpet. ShecouldntevenseeproperlywhenXandertooktheglassfromherunresisting fingers,pattingherlightlyonthebackashestoodinfrontofhertouseoneofthe snowywhitenapkinstowipeawaythetearsthatwerenowstreamingdownher face. Thiswasjusttooembarrassing,tooawful,ontopofeverythingelse!Whaton earthwasXandergoingtothinkofher?Thatshewastoogaucheeventodrink champagneproperlywithout Caseybecamesuddenlystillas,thechokingstopped,hercheekswiped,she foundherselfstandingonlyinchesawayfromXander,lookingupintothe handsomeruggednessofhisface. Herbreathfeltstrangledinthetightnessofherthroatandshewascompletely capturedbythesensualheatofXandersgaze,herheartstartingtobeatsoloudly thatshewassurehemustbeabletohearit,too.Shefeltsosensitised,soaware, thatitseemedasifshecouldfeelthebloodrushingthroughherveins. Shemustlookafright,anabsolutemesshereyesteary,hernosered,her cheeksflushed NoneofwhichseemedtobotherXanderintheslightestasheslowlyloweredhis headandhismouthclaimedhers. Caseymeltedagainsthimashisarmsmovedaboutherwaisttopullherintothe hardnessofhisbody,andthesoftflickofhistongueagainstherlipsencouraged themtopartsohecoulddeepenthekiss. Herownarmsmovedup,herhandsgrippinghisshoulderstofeeltherippleof musclesthere,thepromiseofpowerashetensedbeneathhertouchaleashed powerthatshesensedcouldbesoeasilyreleased,overwhelmingher Oneofhishandscaressedthelengthofherspineashismouthcontinuedto plunderhers,fingerslightagainstherbeforehishandcuppedthecurveofher bottomanddrewherevencloseragainsthim.

Shecouldfeelhisbody,thatleanlymuscledforce,hardwithdesire,pulsing againstherthighs,fillingherwiththewarmthofherownrisingneedaneed thatwasrapidlyspirallingoutofcontrol MrJamesisonthetelephonefromNewYork,MrFraser,avoiceinterrupted themregretfully. Caseydrewbackguiltilyandturnedtolookatthebutler,standingsostifflyin theopendoorway.ShecouldntmissseeingtheamusementinXandersgaze beforeshepulledabruptlyawayfromhimtomoveovertothewindowandstare outsightlesslyintothedarkeningevening. Whatwasshedoing? MinutesagoshehadrealisedthatanyrelationshipbetweenherselfandXander hadtobeclearlydefinedthattheywouldbothneedtoknowexactlywhateach wouldexpectfromtheotherduringtheirmarriageandthatitwouldntinclude anysortofphysicalrelationshipbetweenthetwoofthem. Whathadhappenedbetweenthemjustnowonlyincreasedtheurgencyforthat conversation! Illtakethecallinmystudy,thanks,Hilton,Xandersaid.Thatwillbeall,he added,dismissinghisservantandwaitingfortheothermantoleavebefore turningbacktoCasey.We Pleasegoandtakeyourcall,Xander,shetoldhimshakily,withoutturning. XanderstaredinfrustrationattherigidityoftheslenderbackCaseykeptso firmlyturnedtowardshim. Maybekissingherhadntbeenthemostsensiblethingintheworld.But,no matterwhatshemightbethinkingnow,ithadntbeentheworstthingthatcould havehappened,either.Thetwoofthemweregettingmarried,forgoodness sake,andiftheirresponsetoeachotherjustnowwasanythingtogobythenit didnthavetobeacelibatemarriage.Foreitherofthem. Casey Wouldyoupleasegoandtakeyourcall,Xander?Hervoicewasbrittlewiththe tensionobviousinherexpressionassheturnedtofacehim.AndthenIthinkit

wouldbeagoodideaforustodiscussthedetailsofourmarriage,whenyou comeback,shetoldhimcoolly. Detailsoftheirmarriage? Shehadmentionedsomethingaboutthosedetailsearlier,too,hadntshe? And,ifthatdeterminedlookinherfacewasanyindication,Xanderdidntthink hewasgoingtoparticularlylikethem! CHAPTERSEVEN CASEYhadheremotions,andherself,firmlyundercontrolbythetimeXander returnedtothediningroomtenminuteslater. Ithadjustbeenakiss,shetriedtopersuadeherself.Akissthatshouldnthave happened,andmustneverberepeated,butneverthelessstilljustakiss.And oncesheandXanderhaddiscussedthetermsoftheirmarriagesheneednever worryfear?thatitwouldhappenagain! Xanderseemedtohaveputtheincidentbehindhimtoo,ashemovedonceagain toholdachairforhertositdownatthediningtable.Ithinkweshouldstartto eatsomeofthisdeliciousmealmycookhaspreparedforus,dontyou?he suggested,beforetakinghisownseatoppositehersatthetwelvefootlongtable. ItwouldcertainlybeeasierwithXanderseatedsofarawayforhertogatherher chaoticthoughtstogether.Tostartthediscussionthathadbeeninterruptedtwice already. Butshetookasipofthewhitewinethebutlerpouredtogowiththeirsmoked salmonandwaitedforthemantoleavebeforeattemptingtodoso.Ithinkit mightbebetterifthereweresomesortofformalcontractdrawnupbetweenus beforewemarry,shetoldXander,herlonglashesfanningoverhercheeksasshe lookeddownatherfood,ratherthandownthetableathim. Aformalcontract?Xanderrepeatedguardedly. Yes.Shechancedaglanceathim,andasquicklylookedawayagainasshemet thehardglitterofhisgaze.Ithinkthatwouldbebest,sheaddednervously.So thatwebothknowwherewestandandwhatwhattoexpectofeachother.

Asilenceheavywithtensionstretchedoutbetweenthem.Shereallywasnt goingtobeabletoeatanyofthislovelyfoodatallifXandercontinuedtolookat hersofiercely,hismouthunsmiling,hisjawclenched. Aprenuptialagreement,youmean?hefinallybitout. Somethinglikethat,yes.Caseynodded,relievedthathewastheonewhohad actuallygivenitthatlabel.Forhertohavedonesowouldhavesoundedwell, rathermaterialistic,perhaps. Butitwasntjustherfutureshewastalkingabout,wasit?ShehadJoshto consider,too.Infact,ifitwerentforheryoungsonshewouldneverhave consideredXandersbusinesslikeofferofmarriageinthefirstplace. Besides,shehadnoideawhyhewassoobviouslydispleasedbythis conversationwhenthemarriageofconveniencehadbeenhisidea.Afterall, therehadtobeguidelines,didntthere?Forbothofthem.Otherwisethewhole thingwouldjustbeamess. Andsoitbegan,Xanderacknowledgedwithwearycynicismasheleanthis elbowonthetableandtookaswallowofhiswine.Hesomehowhadntseen CaseyBridgesasmercenary,buthereallyshouldhaveknownbetter.Hehadnt metawomanyetwhowasnt. Andwhatexactlydoyouhaveinmindforthecontentsofthisprenuptial agreement?heasked,almostpinninghertoherchairwiththeforceofhis piercinggaze. Shemadeaflutteringmovementwithherhands.IdontknowWell,Iwould obviouslylikesomethinginwritingconcerningthesecurityofJoshsfuture,she amendedquickly,asXanderraiseddark,mockingbrowsatherprevarication. Heshowedhisteethinahumourlesssmile.Andofcourseyourown? Caseyreallywishedhewouldstoplookingatherlikethat.Almostasifshewere aspecimenhehadplacedunderamicroscope! Sheshookherhead.ImmoreinterestedinsecuringJoshsfuturethanmyown. Oh,come,Caseyletsnotbecoyaboutthis,hedrawled,ignoringthefoodin frontofhimbutcontinuingtodrinkhiswine.Onceyourhouseissold,andyou

movehere,Iwillobviouslypayallhouseholdbills,schoolfees,andsoon,butI appreciateyouwillneedaccesstomoneyofyourownforotherexpenses,he rasped.Inreturnyouwillbeexpectedtogiveupboththejobsyouhavebeen workingatinordertobecomeafulltimemothertoLaurenandJosh. Wellyes.Shehadalreadyworkedthatout.Itwouldntbetoomuchofa hardshipwhenbeingafulltimemotherwasexactlywhatshehadalwaysbeen untilSamsdesertionayearagohadforcedhertojugglemotherhoodwithtwo jobsinordertosupportthemboth.Sheacceptedthatitmightnotbeevery womansidealtobeafulltimemother,butshehadalwaysenjoyedtherole,and hadnodoubtshewouldenjoybeingstepmothertoLauren,too. Althoughshewasntsosureaboutsellingherfamilyhome WhatifXanderchangedhismindandthisarrangementonlylastedafew months?BradHendersonmightcalmdownmorequicklythanXanderexpected, andsoremovethethreatofacourtbattleoverLauren,inwhichcasehewouldnt needawifeanymore. WhereasshewouldstillneedahomeforJoshandherself Thesewereexactlythesortofdetailsthatneededtobeworkedoutbeforethey weremarried,soshehadnoideawhyXandershouldcontinuetolookatherin thatscepticalway. Isthatall?hesnapped. Erno.Theresalsothematterofthetheintimacy,orlackofit,inour relationship,sheaddeduncomfortably.OfcourseIacceptthatyoureonlyin yourthirties,sherushedon,beforeshelostallhercourageunderXanders steelygaze,thatyouwillwanterhaveneedsButaslongasyour relationshipsarekeptdiscreet,Iseenoreasonwhytheyshouldinterferewith ourarrangementintheslightest,sheconcludedawkwardly. Xandercontinuedtolookatherforseverallongsecondswithoutspeaking,his hoodedbluegazeunreadable.Youdontthink,hefinallysaidsoftly,thatafter ourearlierexplorationofthepossibility,perhapsitmightbeeasierless complicatedifweweretohavethatsortofrelationshipourselves,inorderto satisfythoseneeds? No,shedidnt!

Shedidntcareabouthispreviousclaimthattherewerethousandsofcouples whohadasexualrelationshipbutdidntloveeachother.Shehadalreadyhad thatwithSam,andshehadnointentionofrepeatingtheexperiencewithXander Fraser! No,Idont,shetoldhimfirmly. Xandersfingersclenchedsotightlyaroundhiswineglassthathewasindanger ofbreakingit.Damnit,thatearlierkissmighthavebeenalittleunwiseonhis part,andthetimingabsolutelylousy,butcouldntthiswomanseethattherewas asexualattractionbetweenthetwoofthemthattheywouldbefoolishtoignore? Thatitcouldbedangeroustoignore! Didsheseriouslyexpectthemtolivetogetherincloseproximity,ashusbandand wife,andnotexplorethepossibilitiesofthedesiretheyobviouslyfeltforeach other? Hecouldseethatshedid.Thatgreengazewasclearanddeterminedasshe lookeddownthetableathimsointently. Wewill,ofcourse,haveseparatebedrooms,sheaddedbriskly. ThatwouldbenohardshipheandChloehadoccupiedseparatebedroomsfor years,byhischoice! Heraisedamockingeyebrow.Andwhatofyourownneeds?Doyouintendto satisfythemdiscreetlytoo?Hisvoicehardened.Hewasnotatallhappywith thethought. Theblushthathefoundsointriguingonceagainbrightenedhercheeks. Certainlynot!shedeniedindignantly. Xanderfrowned,butsomethinginsidehimeasedalittle,andheloosenedhis deathgriponthewineglassbeforeheshatteredit.Thenwhatdoyouintend doingaboutthem? Sheshookherhead,thecandlelightbringingoutthegoldhighlightsinherhair. Idontintenddoinganythingaboutthem!sheassuredhimtartly.The physicalsideofmarriageisnotsomethingthatinterestsmeintheslightest.

Shereallythoughtshemeantthat,Xanderrealisedashetookinthesetofher mouthandthedeterminedtiltofherchin. Forawomanwhohadbeenmarriedforsevenyears,whohadasixyearoldson, Caseywassurprisinglynaveifshedidntrealiseexactlyhowsexually responsiveshewasofhowshehadmeltedagainsthimminutesago,hermouth ashungryashisown. XandersgazenarrowedashewonderedagainabouthermarriagetoSam Bridges. HehaddespisedtheothermanalmostasmuchashehaddespisedChloehad thoughtthemtwoofakind,consideringonlytheirowninterestsofimportance. ButhadthatselfishnessalsopermeatedBridgesphysicalrelationshipwithhis ownwife? Whatbusinesswasitofhis?Xanderinstantlyrebukedhimself;Caseywasvery firmlysettingdownthetermsoftheirmarriage,makingitperfectlyclearthatthe financialsecurityheofferedwasallthatinterestedher.Thathewouldhaveto lookelsewhereifhewantedtosatisfyhisphysicalneeds! Fine.Hegaveasharpinclinationofhishead.Isthereanythingelseyouwant writtenintothecontractbesideswhatwevealreadydiscussed? Caseylookedathimuncertainly,knowingshehaddispleasedhiminsomeway, butcompletelyatalosstounderstandhow.Shewasbeingreasonable,wasnt she?Morethanreasonable,shewouldhavethought. No,theresnothingelse,sheconfirmed. ThenIllgoaheadandmakethenecessaryarrangements. Thearrangementsfortheirwedding. ThearrangementsforherandJoshtomoveintothishouse. ThearrangementsforhertobeXanderFraserswife.Innameonly! CHAPTEREIGHT

FORXander,thethreeweeksleadinguptotheirweddingdayweresomeofthe mostpuzzlingandfrustratinghehadeverknown. Usedtomakingdecisions,tocontrollinghismultimillionpoundproduction companybothhereandinAmerica,hefounddealingwiththecomplexityofthe womanwhohadagreedtobecomehiswifeinnameonly!morechallenging thananythingoranyoneelsehehadeverencountered. InresponsetothattelephonecallfromDavidJameshedinitiallyhadtogoto NewYorkforfivedays.WhiletherehehadreceivedatelephonecallfromBrad Henderson,andtheoldermanhadmadeitclearthathedidntbelieveany marriagebetweenXanderandthewidowofSamBridgeswouldevertakeplace. WhichhadbeenenoughofaspurifXanderhadneededone!tosetthe marriageplansinmotion. WhichwaswhenhistroubleswithCaseyhadreallybegun! Tellingthetwochildrenoftheirplanshadgonesmoothlyenoughalthough XanderhadbeenalittlethrownwhenJosh,withhismotherscandour,had innocentlyaskedifhewasgoingtobehisnewdaddy. Caseyhadbeentheonetosmoothoverthatawkwardnessbystatingthatshe thoughtitbetterifJoshcalledhimXanderforthemoment,andLaurencalledher Casey. ButfollowingthatCaseyhadflatlyrefusedtocomplywithhissuggestionthat sheimmediatelygiveuphertwojobsatthecafandthehotelrestaurant, claimingthatshestillhadtoliveandpaythebillsuntilaftertheyweremarried. Whenhehadaskedwhyshehadntputherhouseonthemarketyet,hedbeen giventhesameanswer. Hisquestionastowhetherornotshehadanyguestsshewishedtoinvitetothe weddinghadalsobeenmetwithanegative.Well,hedidnt,either. Andshehadabsolutelyrefusedtoevenconsiderhissuggestionthatshemake anychangeseithertoFraserHouse,ortherunningofitshedeemedfitforthe comfortofherselfandJosh.Shehadassuredhimtherewouldbeplentyoftime forthatlater,ifshedeemeditnecessary.

ThishadgivenhimsomeinsightintothereasoningbehindCaseynotdoingany ofthethingshehadaskedofhershewasntsurethathewasgoingthrough withthewedding,either! Asawayofshowingherhewascompletelyseriousaboutthemarriage,hedhad hislawyerdrawupthecontractCaseyhadaskedforonlytohaveherrequest thatitbesentontoherownlawyerforperusal. Thebundleoffurythatarrivedatthehousethatevening,onlytwodaysbefore thewedding,wasntwhathehadbeenexpecting! HewasworkingonsomepapersinhisstudywhenHiltonannouncedCaseys arrival.Thefactthatshewashereatallwassurprisingenough,buttheangry glitterinhereyesandtheflushtohercheekswereevenmoresoasshestormed intohisstudysecondslaterandthrewthecontractdownonhisdeskinfrontof him. Icantsignthis!Shescowled. Xanderfrowneddarkly.Whycantyou? BecauseIcant!shesnapped.Becauseitswrong!Becauseitsitsdamned insulting!shefinishedfuriously,herhandsbunchedintofistsathersidesasshe confrontedhimacrossthewidewidthoftheleathertoppeddesk. Shereallywasbeautifulwhenshewasangry,Xanderthoughtabstractedly,even ashewonderedexactlywhichpartofthecontractshefoundinsulting. Herfacewaslessstrainedthanithadbeenacoupleofweeksagothosedark circlesbeneathhereyeshavingdisappeared,andthehollowsofhercheeks havingfilledoutalittle. Butasforwhatwaswrongwiththecontract,hehadnoidea.Hehadgivenher whatshedaskedfor,hadnthe?FinancialsecurityforherselfandJosh.Sowhat thehellwastheproblem? CaseystoodhergroundwhenXanderstooduptomoveroundandresthiships againstthefrontofthedesk.Butthemovementbroughthimdangerouslyclose toherintheprocess,makinghertotallyawareofhimofhiswarmth,oftheair ofsensualitythatheheldincontrolbutwhichwasneverfarbeneaththesurface wheneverthetwoofthemmet.

Notthatsheshowedbytheflickeringofaneyelidthatshewasintheleast disconcertedbyhiscloseproximity.XanderFraserwasamanusedtohavinghis ownway.Shehadquicklylearntthatthislastfewweeks.But,asawomanwho hadbecomeusedtorunningherownlife,andJoshs,thislastyear,shewasnt abouttocedeanyofherindependencewithoutafight. TellmewhatswrongandIllhavemylawyerchangeit,hepromised. Ifhehadreturnedheranger,orevenifhehadspokentoherinthatcoldly distanttonehesometimesadopted,Caseyknewshewouldhavefounditeasier tomaintainherownfuryonreadingthecontracthedhaddrawnup. Asitwas,shefeltalittlelikeadeflatedballoonathisreasonableresponse.I ItsjustThatparagraphiscompletenonsense!Shemovedtojabafingeratthe offendingparagraphinthecontract. ShewasnowevenclosertoXander,herarmbrushingagainsthisbeforeshe movedbackabruptlytolookathimfrombeneathloweredlashes. Therewasadarkshadowtothesquarenessofhisjawwherehewasinneedofa shave,andhisoverlonghairwasslightlydishevelledwherehedbeenrunning hisfingersthroughitashedworkedathisdesk.Darkhair,thatshonewith ebonylightsThesortofhairthatmadeCaseylongtoreachoutandtouchit,to runherownfingersthroughitssilkylengthasXandersmouthonceagain plunderedhers Caseygaveaninwardgroan.Shedhadalotoffantasieslikethistheselast coupleofweeksmomentswhenshehadfoundherselfthinkingofXander,of thewayhehadkissedher,caressedher ImaginingwhatwouldhavehappenedifHiltonhadntinterruptedthemthat evening Afterallhertalkofamarriageofconveniencebetweenthem,herinsistencethat shewouldntobjecttohimhavingotherrelationshipsaslongashewasdiscreet, CaseynowknewthatshefoundtheveryideaofXanderbeingintimately involvedwithanotherwomancompletelyabhorrent. Whichwasprettyridiculouswhenshehadabsolutelyrefusedtoeven contemplatethetwoofthemhavinganintimaterelationship.

Buttherewasagoodreasonforthat. Averygoodreason. ShedidntwantXandertoknowforhimtodiscover,justhowineptshewasat lovemaking.FrigidwasoneofthewordsthatSamhadused,alongwith unresponsiveandcold. Samhadnotbeenamusedbyherinexperienceontheirweddingnighthad beenslightlyputoutthathedhadtobetheonetoinitiateherintolovemaking andthewholethinghadbeenpainfulandawkwardforCasey.Thefactthatshe hadfoundherselfpregnantonlythreemonthslaterhadbeensomethingofa reliefbecauseSamhadclaimedtofindthewholeideaofmakinglovetoa pregnantwomanrepugnant. TheirlovemakinghadresumedafterJoshsbirth,ofcourse,butithadneverbeen somethingthatCaseyhadenjoyedmoresomethingtobeendured. ButshehadbeenattractedtoSambeforetheirmarriagehadthoughtherselfin lovewithhimandlookhowdisastrouslythathadturnedout! NonomatterhowattractiveshefoundXander,shedidnotwanttorepeatthe experiencewithhim,toseethesameimpatienceinhisfacewhenhefoundout whatadisappointmentshewasinbed. Luckilyhewasntlookingather,butatthecontracthehadpickedup,aslight frownbetweenthosedeepblueeyesashefinallylookeduptoshakehishead.I cantseewhattheproblemis There!Caseymovedforwardtopointtotheappropriateparagraph,drawingin asharpbreathasonceagainshefoundherselfstandingsoclosetohimshecould smellthemuskytangofhiscologne,couldseethedarkhairthatgrewlightlyon hisbaredarmsbeneaththeblackteeshirthewore,seethequietstrengthofhis hands,hisfingerslong,thenailskeptshort. Handsthatlastnightshehadactuallydreamtoftouchingher,caressingher Istilldontseeit,Xanderprotested.Allitsaysistheamountofonemillion poundsistobepaidintothebankaccountofCaseyBridges,thentobeCasey Fraser,onthedayofthemarriage

Allitsays?Caseyrepeatedincredulously,steppingbackslightly.Amillion pounds,Xander? Xanderfoundhimselfveryawareofthewomanstandingsoclosetohim.Infact, heacknowledgedwithselfderision,hehadoftenfoundhimselfthinkingof Caseylately,whenheshouldhavebeenconcentratingonotherthings. ApartfromLauren,whowassomethingelseentirely,workhadalwayscome firstwithhimtheselastsevenyearshadbeentheconstantthatkepthislife withChloebearable. ButthispastfewweekshehadfoundhimselfmusingaboutCaseyeveninthe middleofbusinessdeals.Foundhimselfwonderingaboutthesoftcurvesofher body,ofhowitwouldfeeltohavehernakednessagainsthim,underhim,ontop ofhim.Imaginingpartingthelithenessofherthighs,touchingherthere,feeling herflowerandblossom Hewantedtotouchher,tokissher,tasteher,towatchherfaceasheslowly,oh, soslowlyenteredher,andtheheatofherengulfedhim Hewasdoingitagain! ExceptthatthistimeCaseywasstandingrightherebesidehim,lookingupat himwiththosehugegreeneyes,hercheeksflushed,herlipsslightlyparted,asif waitingforhiskiss. Hecouldntfightthisanylonger,Xanderdecidedachingly,andhereachedout tograspthetopsofherarmsandpullherhardagainsthim,shuttingoffher angrywordsashismouthcapturedhers. HeslowlylaybackonthedeskbehindhimandtookCaseywithhim,herthighs lyingbetweenhispartedones,thesoftnessofherbreastscrushedagainsthis chest,ashismouthclaimedherswiththefiercenessofthreeweekslonging. CHAPTERNINE CASEYhadnoideahowshecametobelyingontopofXanderonhisdesktopas hismouthplunderedhersnoneofthefantasiesshedhadabouthimhadever beenthisimmediatesheonlyknewthatshefeltempowered,abovehimlike this,assheraisedherheadslightlytonibbleandsuckhisbottomlip,totastehim ashewastastingher.

Xandergroanedlowinhisthroat,hishandsmovingrestlesslyalongthelengthof herspineasheencouragedhertodeepenthekiss.AmoveCaseydeniedhimas shetookhertimerunningthewarmthofhertongueagainsthispartedlips. ButitwasherturntogroanwithpleasureasshefeltXanderpushherteeshirt upoverherback,hishands,thosebigwarmhands,againstthebarenessofher flesh,spreadingfirewherevertheytouched. Caseyshandstangledinthedarkthicknessofhishairasshekissedhim hungrily,herlipsapartashereturnedthathunger,histongueplungingintoher hotlyasshesquirmedherhipsagainsthishardenedthighs. Xanderbrokethekisstopushherteeshirtcompletelyoutofhiswaybeforehis handsmovedaboutherslenderwaistandheeasilyliftedherslightlyabovehim, sothathistonguecircledandlickedthehardenednubofherbaredbreast. Caseyarchedherbackasherbreaststingledandswelledtothecaress,gasping breathlesslyasXanderdrewthetightenednippleintotheheatofhismouth, suckingandlicking,thattinglespreadingtoherthighsasshemoved rhythmicallyagainsthim. Hewassohardagainsther,hishardnessrubbingagainsttheheatedcentreofher evenashismouthcontinueditsattentiononherbreast. Shewasonfire,hereyesclosed,herbreathingragged,theheatbetweenher thighsbecomingunbearableasXandershandcuppedandcapturedherother breast,histhumbmovingcaressinglyagainstthehardtipinthesamerhythmas hesuckeditstwin. Xander,Icant! Yes,youcan,heassuredhergrufflyashereleasedhertorollover,sothatshe wastheonenowlyingonthedesktop,hisgazeheldhersashishandmovedto unsnapthebuttononherdenims,beforereachingbeneathtounerringlyseekthe centreofherneed. AssoonashetouchedherthereCaseyarchedagainsthim,wantingmore, wantingsomething

Xandersmouthclaimedhersevenashefoundhercentre,histhumbmoving softlyagainsttheswollennubevenashisfingerstouchedhermoisture,circling butnotyetentering. Caseybreathedshallowly,hereyesclosedasshegaveherselfuptothepleasure shecouldfeeldeepinsideherapleasurethatspreadandwarmed,burnedas Xanderincreasedtherhythmofhiscaress,ashisfingersfinallyenteredherto moveinthesamerhythm. Shecouldnttakeanymorefeltasifshewereabouttoexplodewithpleasure needed,needed Shegasped,hereyeswide,asXandersatisfiedthatneedwiththefirmcaressof histhumb.Caseyexplodedaroundhiminspasmsofunrelentingpleasureasshe staredupathiminthesheerwonderofherrelease,thewholeofherbody throbbingwiththeecstasyhedmadeherfeel. Xanderwatchedherunashamedlyasshefoundherrelease,hiscaresses continuinguntilhewassureshewascompletelyspent,untilhehadgivenher everylastmomentofpleasure. Thenhebenthisheadtoonceagainclaimherlipswithhis,hiscaressessoothing now,gentling,ashesmoothedherteeshirtbackoverherbreastsbefore entanglinghishandsinthesilkinessofherhair,hislipsmovingtokissthetiny shellofherearbeforetrailingdownthecolumnofherthroattothetinypulse throbbingatitsbase. Caseymovedrestlesslybesidehim.ButyoudidntShedrewinashaky breath.Youhavent Heraisedhisheadtolookdownintoherstrickenface.Hercheekswereflushed, hereyesdarkenedbydilatedpupils,andshecouldntquitemeethisgaze.I dontneedto,heassuredhergruffly. Andhedidnt.Whathadhappenedjustnow,seeingandfeelingCaseys pleasure,hadbeenthemosteroticexperiencehehadeverhadinhislife.The throbbingofhisownbodywassweetevidenceofthat. Caseysskinwaslikevelvet,herbreastssosmallandperfect,soresponsivetohis hands,lipsandtongue.Allofherwassoresponsivethathefeltthattotakehis ownpleasurewouldruinsomethingthatwasalreadyperfect.

Idontneedto,herepeatedhuskily,smilingdownatherashishandmovedto lightlycaressonepinkcheek. Caseystaredupathimwordlessly.Whydidntheneedto?Samhadalways NowwasntthetimetothinkaboutSam,ortheirmarriage! Xanderhadjust No,shehadjustclimaxedforthefirsttimeinherlife. Ever. Andithadbeenthemostwonderfulexperienceshehadeverknown.Shehad neverdreamtneverrealised WhatmustXanderthinkofher? Shehadcomeheretotellhimthatoneofthedetailsinthecontracthedhad drawnupoutliningthetermsoftheirmarriagewasunacceptabletoher,andhad endeduphavinganorgasmonhisdesktop! Notonlythat,butXanderhadobviouslyfoundherlackofcontrolsoshocking thatithadkilledhisowndesire! Sheturnedherheadaway.Wouldyouletmeup,please?Shespokequietly. Casey Justletmeup,Xander!Hervoiceroseforcefullyassheturnedtoglareathim. Sighing,hecomplied,standinguptolookawayasshemovedtoadjustthe fasteningofherdenims. Caseyswayeddizzilyasshestoodup,herlegsfeelingweakfromtheonslaught thathadjustrackedherbody,stillawareofthattinglingsensationbetweenher thighs. Sheclosedhereyesbriefly,wonderinghowshewasevergoingtobeinXanders companyagainwithoutrememberingrememberinghowshehad Ihavetogettowork,shetoldhimabruptly.

Xanderturnedslowlytolookather,frowningashesawtheclosedexpressionon herfacehereyesunreadable,hermouthsethardwithdetermination.Dont youthinkweneedtositdownandtalkmorethanyouneedtogotowork?he finallysuggested. Talkaboutwhat?shechallenged. Yestalkaboutwhat?Xanderwonderedashecontinuedtolookather. Thelasthalfanhourmighthavebeenthemostincrediblyeroticexperienceofhis life,butitobviouslyhadntmeantthesametoCasey Hedrewinadeepbreathbeforemovingquicklyawayfromher.Hewasafraid ofwhathemightdoifhedidnt! SoImsupposedtoignorewhatjusthappened,huh?hegrowled. Sheblinked,swallowinghardbeforeanswering.Ithinkthatmightbeforthe best,dontyou? Itwasntaquestion,andXanderdidntbothergrantingitananswer.Ifshecould forgetwhathadjusthappenedthenhewouldobviouslybewastinghistime talkingaboutit. Justputinwhateveryouwantthatparagraphtosay.Heheldoutapenandthe contractwithoutlookingather,hisclenchedhandsreturningtohissidesashe resistedtheimpulsetoreachoutandkisshersenselessasshemadethe necessaryadjustment. Despitethesexualattractionthatexistedbetweenthem,Caseyobviously regrettedhavinggivenintothatattraction.Shewasmakingitperfectlyclearthat shedidntwantarepeatofit,either,thatithadmeantnothingtoher. AllthismarriagemeanttoCaseyallitwouldevermeantoherwasfinancial security.Andthesoonerhegotusedtothatideathebetter. Fine.Henoddedassheplacedtheadjustedcontractbackdownonthedesk.As JoshandLaurenwontbeattheweddingonFriday,Ithinkitwouldbeagood idea,afteryouandJoshhavemovedinheretomorrowafternoon,forthetwo childrentostayupandhavedinnerwithus.Iknowitsaschooldaythe

followingmorning,hecontinuedasshewouldhavespoken,buttheyneedto feelapartofthis. Oh,God.SheandJoshmovedinheretomorrowafternoon! Howcouldshegothroughwiththisafterwhathadjusthappened? Buthowcouldshenot?Shehadalreadyhandedinhernoticeathertwojobs hadalreadyfinishedatthecafearliertoday.Thiswasthelasteveningshe wouldbeworkingatthehotel.HerownandJoshsthingswerepackedbackat thehouse,readytomoveinheretomorrow. InlessthanfortyeighthoursshewasduetobecomewifetoXander. Amanshehadjustdiscoveredcouldsoeasilytakehertotheheightsofpleasure. Amanshehadcometoliketheselastthreeweeks. Amanshehadcometolove? Shegavehimastartledlook.DidsheloveXander?Hadshefalleninlovewith themanwhowasonlymarryinghertoprovideamotherforhisdaughter,to stophisfatherinlawfromattemptingacustodysuitforthatdaughter? Couldshereallyhavebeensostupid? Whatisitnow?Xanderaskedwearilyashewatchedtheplayofemotionscross Caseysface.Afterwhatjusthappened,youwantitactuallywrittenintothe contractthatwemaintainseparatebedrooms?Fine.Henodded.Youwantitin writingthattherewontbearepeatofjustnow?Again,fine,hesnarled.Now,if youwouldntmind,Casey,Ihavesomeworktodo,too.Hemovedpointedlyto sitbackbehindhisdesk,tootired,toobonewearynow,toengageinanymore verbalbattleswiththiswomanthisevening. Caseysfacehadfirstflushed,andthenpaledathisoutburst.Thatwontbe necessary,shetoldhimcoldly.JusttheadjustmentIvemadewillbequite sufficient. Thendontletmekeepyou.Iwouldsohateforyoutobelatetowork,he added.AndheknewhesoundedsolikeLaurenwhenshewasinafitofchildish piquethathewassurprisedCaseydidnttellhimtogrowup.

Shedidntsimplygivinghimonelastpainedlookbeforeturningonherheel andmakingadignifiedexit,herheadheldhigh. Whatanidiothedbeen,Xanderinstantlyberatedhimself. Hadhereallythought,whenCaseyhadcomeheretocomplainthatamillion poundsettlementonherwasntenough,thatthetwoofthemmakinglove wouldmakeanydifferencetohercompletelyfinancialmotivationformarrying him? Hewasafool. Notonlythat,buthehadbeensobeguiled,soenchantedwithCaseyslossof control,thathehadntevenwantedtofindhisownreleaseinthewarmthofher bodyhadfoundherpleasuremorethanenoughtosatisfyhim. Hewasworsethanafool. Chloehadusedherbodytomanipulateandcontrolhimtoo.Untilhehad becomewisetohermachinationsandrefusedeventoshareherbedanymore. Hecouldntbelievehehadfallenforthattrickasecondtime! HowmuchmorethanamilliondidCaseywant?Howmuchdidshethinkthat sexualencounterwasworth? Xanderseyesglitteredangrilyashepickedupthecontract.Buthisanger quicklyturnedtoapuzzledfrownwhenhelookeddownattheadjustment Caseyhadmade. ThatwholeparagraphconcerningthesettlementofmoneydirectlyonCaseyon thedayoftheirmarriagehadbeencompletelyerased,withfirm,blackstrokesof hispen! Caseydidntpersonallywantanysettlementofmoneyfromhim. Hedidntfeelangryorpuzzledanymorehefeltstunned! CHAPTERTEN

ITSgoingtobegreatlivinghere,isntit,Mummy?Joshsaidexcitedlyasthe twoofthemreturnedtohisnewbedroom,aftersharingaswimwithLaurenin theindoorpoolatthebackofFraserHouse. Oh,yesgreat,Caseyechoedwearilyinherhead,outwardlygivingherblond hairedyoungsonanencouragingsmileasshewentthroughtotheadjoining bathroomtoruntheshowerforhim. Thetwoofthemhadmovedinthatafternoon,asplanned.Xanderhadbeen conspicuouslyabsentwhentheydidsoforwhichCaseyhadbeenvery grateful,stillnotsurehowshewasgoingtofacehimagainafteryesterday evening. Theworstpartaboutit,asfarasCaseywasconcerned,wasthatsheonlyhadto closehereyestorelivethewayXanderhadkissedandcaressedher,herbody tinglinganewassherememberedhowithadfeltwhenshehadcompletelylost control. Wonderful. Likenothingelseshehadeverknowninherlife. Somethingshecravedlongedtohavehappenagain! Butsheknewthatshecouldntletit. Therewasabsolutelynopointincontinuingtoexploreasexualrelationshipwith Xander.Especiallywhenhiscommentsafterwards,concerningtheinclusionof clausesintheircontractaboutseparatebedroomsandtherebeingnorepeatof whathadhappenedbetweenthem,hadtomeanthattheirtimetogethercouldnt havemeantthesametohimasithadtoher.Itwasobviouslynohardshiponhis parttoforegoanintimaterelationshipwithher. Howcoulditbe?Xanderwasgorgeous,extremelysexy,andtherehadtohave beendozensofwomaninhislifebothbeforeandsincehismarriagetoChloe. UnlikeCasey,whohadpreviouslyonlyeverknownSamasalover.Andeven thatonetimewithXanderhadshownherjusthowawfulSamslovemakinghad beenincomparison! OnceSamhadrealisedontheirweddingnightthatshewasstillavirgin,hehad neverparticularlycaredaboutinitiatingherintopleasure.

Hedseemedtothinksheshouldknowwhattodothatherinexperiencewas nothingbutaliabilityhehadnotimefor,anditwasherownfaultshenever reachedaclimaxintheirlovemaking. Andshehadacceptedwhathetoldherhadbeensurethathewasright,that theremustbesomethingwrongwithherbecauseshedidntenjoysexwithher ownhusband. ShehadenjoyeditwithXanderlastnight. BecauseshehadinstinctivelyknownwhattodowithXander! Hehadallowedhertokissandcaresshim,pullingherontopofhimashed invitedhertotaketheinitiative. Andhehadfeltsogood.So Iseverythingokay? ShespunroundguiltilyasXandersuddenlyspokebehindher,sprayinghim withwaterbecauseshestillheldtheshowerheadinherhand. Thanks!hemurmuredruefullyashelookeddownatthewatersoakingintohis pristinewhiteshirt. Oh,Lord!Caseygaspedherdismayassherealisedwhatshehaddone,quickly turningoffthewatertodroptheshowerheadintothebath. Shepickedupatowelandmovedacrosstheroomtowipeineffectuallyathis shirtfront,hermovementsslowingandthenfinallystoppingwhenshefound hergazecaughtandheldbythewaytheshirtclungtohim,thematerialalmost seethroughnow,thedarkhaironhischestclearlyvisible. Shelookedupathimfrombeneathloweredlashes,andthenquicklylooked awayagainasshefoundhimlookingdownatherwithenigmaticblueeyes. Imreallysorryaboutthat,shemumbledawkwardly. Forgetit,hedismissed.

Forgetthewaytheshirtwasclingingtohim,outlininghismuscledarms,the powerfulexpanseofhischest,makinghimlookmoresexythanifheactually hadntbeenwearingashirtatall?Impossible! Perhapsyouhadbettergoandchange Isaidforgetit,Casey.Immoreinterestedinwhetherornotyouhave everythingyouneed,hesaidgently. Sheswallowedhard,knowingthathewouldntwanttohearwhatsheneededat thatmoment! Becausesheneededhim.Hisarmsabouther.Hismouthonhers.Hishands caressingher. Shemoistenedlipsthathadgonesuddenlydry.JoshandIarefine.Thankyou, sheadded. IvealreadyspokentoJoshandestablishedthathesmorethanhappy.Lauren, too,Xandersaid.Iwasaskingaboutyou,Casey. Whatdidhewanthertosay?Thatshewasfine,too?Thatallofthiswasfine withher?Thatshewasalreadyascomfortablewithherdrasticchangeinlifestyle asJoshobviouslywas?ThatshewasntbotheredbythefactthatXandersideaof separatebedroomswasactuallytohaveadjoiningones? Whatshereallywantedtosaywasthatshehadmadeamistakeineventhinking thatshecouldgothroughwithamarriageofconveniencenowthatshehad realisedhowshefeltabouthim. Thatinthethreeshortweeksshehadknownhimshehadfalleninlovewith him Oh,yesshecouldjustseeherselftellingXanderallofthat! Everythingisfine.Shenodded,stillnotabletomeethisgaze. Howcouldshe,whenyesterdayeveningshehadbehavedlikeacomplete wantoninhisarmsandforeveryhoursincethenhadwantedarepeatofwhat theyddone?

Xandersgazerestedthoughtfullyonherbentheadashesawhertotaluneasein hiscompanynotthatitwassurprisingafterwhathadhappenedlastnight. Caseyhadmadeitperfectlycleartohimseveraltimes!thatshewasnt interestedinaphysicalrelationshipwithhim. Somethinghedhadnotroubleintotallyignoringoncehehadherinhisarms. Infact,apartofhimhadbeensurprisedtodiscovershehadmovedinas plannedwhenhedgothomethisevening.Hehadhalfexpectedthatshemight havedecidedshecouldntgothroughwithmarryinghim,afterall. Whatthehellhadhebeenthinkingofwhenhedtakenheronhisdesktoplike that? Theproblemwashehadntbeenthinkingatallhadbeendriventokissand caresseverysilkeninchofher,tofeelhernakednessagainsthim,totasteher. Notwhatshewouldhavebeenexpectingwhenshedonlycometodiscusssome changestothecontracthedhaddrawnup! Changeshehadspentmostofthedaytryingtomakesenseofwhenhehadnt beenthinkingofhowCaseytastedandfelt,thatwas! Thiswomanawomanhehadthreeweeksagocoldbloodedlydecidedto marrymadehimfeelanythingbutcoldblooded.Evenstandingnexttoher now,hiswetshirtclingingtohimuncomfortably,heknewthathewantedher. Wantedherwildandwantonbeneathhimasheenteredher,ashefelthimself engulfedbyher,possessedbyher,astheybothreachedashudderingclimaxthis time. Ithadallseemedsosimplewhenhedfirstcomeupwiththisplanso uncomplicated:marriagetoawomanhedidntlove,whomadenopretenceof lovinghim,andbothofthemknowingexactlywhatwasexpected,wantedfrom themarriage. Afterlastnightitdidntseemthatuncomplicatedatall. Therewasnowayabsolutelynowayhewasgoingtobeabletosharethis housewithher,occupytheadjoiningbedroomtohers,withoutwantingtomake lovetoheragain.

Infact,asthingsstood,hewasntsurethathecouldgothroughwiththis marriageofconvenienceatall! Ineedtotalktoyou,Casey,herasped.Alone,headded,asJoshcouldbe heardsinginghappilyintheadjoiningbedroom. Shegavehimastartledlook.Iwereduetohavedinnerwiththechildren,she remindedhim. Henoddedcurtly,wellawarethathewastheonetohavesuggestedthe arrangement.Hejusthadntrealisedatthetimehowdesperatelyhewouldneed tobealonewithCasey. Oncetheyrebothinbedwilldo,hesaid. Iofcourse,Caseyagreedslowly,shootinghimanuncertainglanceasshedid so. Xanderseyes,ashereturnedhergaze,weredarkandunreadablealthoughthe harshexpressiononhisfacecertainlywasntencouraging. Whatdidheneedtospeaktoheraboutsourgently?shewondered,witha sickeningjoltinherstomach. HadhespokentoBradHendersontodayandworkedoutsomesortof compromisewithhim? HadXanderdecidednottogoaheadwiththeirmarriage,afterall? CHAPTERELEVEN SITTINGthroughdinner,withXandernowlookingincrediblysexyinblack trousersandablacksilkshirtthatshowedoffthebroadwidthofhisshoulders andtheflatnessofhisstomach,tryingtopretend,forJoshandLaurenssake, thattheyreallyweregoingtobeonebig,happyfamily,wasabsolutely excruciatingforCasey. Especiallywhen,astheminutesslowlypassed,andthebroodingXanderseemed tohavetroubleaddressingeventhemostcasualofremarkstoher,itbecame moreandmoreobvioushewishedheranywherebuthereinhishome.

Ifhehadchangedhismindifhehaddecidednottogoaheadwiththe marriagethenheshouldhavesoughtheroutearliertodayandtoldherso. BeforeshedhadachancetoactuallymoveherselfandJoshinhere,Casey thought.ItwasgoingtobemuchharderforallofthemifsheandJoshsimply hadtomoveoutagain. WhenLaurenrequestedthatCaseybetheonetoputhertobedaswellasJosh, Caseyfeltevenmoreofafraud,andhercheekswereflushedwithangerwhen shereturnedtothesittingroomminuteslater,tofindXanderstandingbesidethe fireplaceenjoyingaglassofbrandy. Likeone?Heheldupthebulbousglass. AmIgoingtoneedone?shereturnedsharply. Thatdependsonyourperspectiveonthings! Caseysmouthsetunhappily.Inthatcase,Illhavesome,shesaid,before movingtostandontheothersideofthefireplacetostaredownsightlesslyatthe cracklingflamesasshewaitedforXandertoreturnwiththebrandy. Shewaswearingagreenofftheshoulderdressthisevening,Xandernoted admiringly,glancingacrossatherashepouredherbrandyandrefreshedhis ownglass.Thesoftmaterialclungtothepertthrustofherbreastsandthe slenderlinesofherwaistandthighs. Infact,Xanderhadbeenlookingatheradmiringlyallevening.Caseywas beautifulmoresubtly,quietlysothanChloehadeverbeen,butitwasabeauty thatcamefromwithin.HedidntdoubtthatinfiftyyearsorsoCaseywouldstill beradiantlylovely. Fiftyyearsorso Wherewouldhebeinfiftyyears? StillhereatFraserHouse,hesuspected,withLaurenandJoshhavingleftlong agotomaketheirownwayintheworld.Caseywouldbegonetoo,oncethere werenochildrentobindthemtogether.SoitwouldbejustXander,rattling aroundinahousethatwouldnolongerhaveafamilyinittomakeitahome.

Thethoughtofgrowingoldalonehadneverbotheredhim.Hismarriageto Chloehadbeenoverforyearsbeforeshedactuallyleft,andhehadlongbeen usedtobeingalone. Alonewasgood.Alonewasundemanding.Alonewasthefreedomtodowhat hewanted,whenhewanted.Alonewasuncomplicated. Alonesucked! HecrossedtheroomtohandCaseyherglassofbrandy,afrowncreasinghis browashenotedthewayshedeliberatelyavoidedherhandcomingintocontact withhis. Shecouldnolongerevenbearforhimtotouchhercasually! Hetookaswallowofhisownbrandybeforespeaking.Casey Imsorrytointerrupt,MrFraser Notnow,Hilton!Xandergrowled,andheturnedtoglareatthemanservant standinginthedoorway. Damnit,hehadneverrealisedwhatanintrusionhouseholdstaffcouldbeuntil Caseycameintohislife!Everytimehetriedtotalktoher,itseemedforone reasonoranotherHiltoncameinandinterrupted. Exceptyesterdayevening,inXandersstudy Itwasprobablyjustaswellthatthebutlerhadntwalkedinonthatparticular scene! Theelderlymanhadthegracetolookapologetic.Ireallyamsorryforthe interruption,MrFraser,butMrHendersonhascalled TellhimIllringhimbacklater,Xanderinstructed,notatallinterestedinyet anotherconfrontationwithhisexfatherinlaw. Youmisunderstandme,MrFraser,Hiltonpersisted.WhenIsaidhehadcalled, Imeantthatheshereatthehouse. Here?Xanderrepeated,withascowl.Now?

Heswaitinginthehallway,sir. XanderlookedatCasey,notingthathereyeswerewidewithanapprehension shecouldnthide.IfyouwouldrathergoupstairswhileItalktoBrad? Hewasofferingherawayout,Caseyrealised.Achancetoescapeanyfurther insultsfromhisexfatherinlaw. Shestraightenedhershoulders,herchinrising.No,Idontthinkso,thankyou, sherefusedquietly,surprisedwhenXanderreachedoutandgaveherhanda reassuringsqueeze. Goodgirl,hemurmuredapprovingly,beforeturningbacktothewaitingbutler. ShowMrHendersonin,Hilton. CaseywasawareofXandershandstillholdingherswhenBradHendersonwas shownintotheroom.Theoldermansgazenarrowedimmediatelyashetookin thatoutwardshowofintimacy. WhichwasprobablywhyXanderhaddoneit,Caseythought. Obviouslythetwomenhadntcometoanycompromiseafterallsowhathad Xanderneededtotalktoheraboutsourgentlyearlieron? Brad,Xandergreetedhimcurtly,oncethethreeofthemwerealone. Xander,theoldermanacknowledgedwithanod.MrsBridges,headded, surprisingly. Caseywilldo,Xanderwastheonetosuggest. BradHendersongaveabriefsmile.IIbelievethetwoofyouaretobemarried tomorrow?hebeganawkwardly. Yes,weare,Xanderrepliedfirmly. Yes,theywere?Caseythought,relieved. Xanderhadntchangedhismindaboutthemarriage,afterall? Orwashejustsayingtheweddingwasgoingaheadfortheothermans benefit?

Yes.Well.BradHendersonlookeddecidedlyuncomfortable.IHebrokeoff, breathingheavily. CanIgetyouadrink,Brad?Xanderofferedgently.Youlookasifyoucoulddo withone. Theoldermanquirkedaruefulbrow.Thatobvious,isit? Yes,Xanderdrawled,releasingCaseyshandtomoveacrosstheroomtothe drinkscabinet.Bourbonontherocks? Thanks,theothermanaccepted,glancingatCaseyonceXanderhadhanded himhisdrink.IbelieveIoweyouanapology,MrsCasey,heamendedstiffly. Youdo,Xanderagreed,beforeCaseycouldthinkofanappropriatereply.You wereextremelyrudetoherthreeweeksago,hepointedoutashemovedbackto standatCaseysside. OnethingwasbecomingverycleartoCaseyBradHendersonhadhadsome sortofchangeofheart.Perhapsitmeanttheweddingdidntevenneedtotake place. Itwaswhatshehadfearedfromthebeginning,ofcourse.Thereasonshehad insistedonmeetingBradHendersonthreeweeksagotoascertainthathis threatwasgenuine. Althoughthereasonsforhermisgivingsnowwerenolongerthesameasthey hadbeenthen! ShehadfalleninlovewithXanderoverthelastthreeweeks. Shewantedtomarryhim. ShewantedtowakeupbesideXandereverydayfortherestofherlife.Wanted tohavemorechildrenwithhim.Wantedthetwoofthemtowatchalltheir childrengrowuptogether.Wantedtogrowoldwithhim! Bradtriedtosmile.ImafraidIwasntquitemyselfwhenwelastmet,Mrs Casey,heoffered.

Sheinclinedherheadgraciously.Itwasperfectlyunderstandable,following yourrecentloss. Perhaps,heaccepted. ItwasntunderstandableatallafterwhatCaseyhadalreadybeenthrough, Xanderrefuted.Youwerebloodyinsulting,Brad,headdedgrimly.Toboth Caseyandmyself. Theothermanhadputhiminanunacceptablepositionbecauseofhisthreats concerningLauren,andXander,forone,didntintendlettinghimgetawaywith itthateasily. Bradranahandthroughthethicknessofhishairandhelookedshamefaced.I was,wasntI?heacknowledgedwithagrimace.Ireallydoapologise,Casey, heturnedtotellhergruffly.IifyouandXanderhavemanagedtofindsome happinesstogetheroutofthismess,thenIsincerelywishyouwell.Bradraised hisglassandtookahugeswallowofhisbourbon.Imayhavebeenanover indulgentfather,Xander,butIwasntblind.IalwaysknewthatyouandChloe werentparticularlyhappytogether Wewerenthappytogetheratall,Xandersaidbluntly,welcomingBrads apology. No.Well.Bradgaveashudderingsigh.Iknewthat,ofcourse.Butshewasmy daughter,Xander,heappealed.AnddespiteeverythingIlovedher. Ofcourseyoudid.Caseywastheonetoanswerhimsoothingly. Butthatsnoexcuse,isit,Xander?Bradlookedacrossathimregretfully.Iput youinaterriblepositionthreeweeksago,withmythreatsconcerningLauren. Hegaveaselfdisgustedshakeofhishead.Ifitsanyconsolation,Ivecomehere thiseveningtoeathumblepie. XanderwatchedasCaseymovedgracefullyacrosstheroomtoBradsside,to placeherhandlightlyonhisarm.Whydontyousitdownforawhile,and perhapsthethreeofuscantalkquietlytogether?sheinvited. Shereallywasthemostincrediblewoman,Xanderacknowledgedwithgrowing wonder.Mostwomeninthesameposition,havingpreviouslybeeninsultedand

ridiculed,wouldhavetoldBradjustwhattheythoughtofhim.Chloecertainly wouldhavedone.ButCasey,beingCasey,wasbeinggentleandunderstanding. Hecouldonlyhopeforthatsamegentlenessfromherwhenthetwoofthem talkedtogether,onceBradhadleft. Bradwasjustasamazed.Icantbelievesomeonelikeyouwasevermarriedto thatcompleteHebrokeoff,realisinghewasabouttoberudeagain.Insulting themanisntgoingtobringChloeback,heacknowledgedshakily. Xanderfeltforhim,hereallydid,andhisownangerfaded.Heknewwhatit mustbecostingtheothermantocomeherethiseveningandabasehimselflike this. Bradcontinued.IwantyoubothtoknowthatIdnoideaBridgeswaseven marrieduntilIcalledtoseeChloeoneweekendandBridgessonJoshwas actuallystayingtherewiththem.Chloedidnttellmethatthetwoofthem settinguphometogetherhadbrokenuptwofamilies,notjustone.Andeven onceIknewaboutJosh,Chloeassuredmethatthemarriagehadbeenoverlong beforeshedenteredBridgeslife.Butthatwasnttrueeither,wasit?Hesighed. Caseyfeltsosorryforthisman.Sheknewthathemusthavefacedsomeharsh realitiesabouthisdaughterinthethreeweekssincehehadmether,andXander hadtoldhimthetruthaboutthebreakupofhermarriage. No,itwasnt.Xanderwastheonetoanswertheothermanharshly.Itoldyou threeweeksagowhatreallyhappened. Yes.BradHendersonnodded.ButeventhenIcouldntbelieveitcouldnt acceptthatChloehaddonesuchathing.ItwasonlyafterIspoketoyouonthe telephoneinNewYork,whenyouinsistedyouweretellingmethetruth,thatI satdownandrealisedhowwrongIvebeen.Youveneverliedtomeintheway thatChloedid,Xander.IwantyoutoknowImnotgoingaheadwithany custodybattleoverLauren.Ishesbetteroffwithyou.AndCasey,headded, withabriefsmileinherdirection.Ihadbettergonow.Hestoodupabruptlyto drainthelastofhisbourbon,beforeplacingtheemptyglassonthecoffeetable.I hopethatsometimeinthefutureyouwillbeabletoforgivemeforthetrouble Ivecaused,andthatthatyouwillletmeseemygranddaughterfromtimeto time.HegaveXanderahopefullook.

CaseylookedatXander,too,willinghimnottoremainangrywiththeolder man. AtthesametimesherecognisedthatBradHendersonbackingdownonthe custodybattlenowmeantthatXanderdefinitelydidntneedtomarryher! CHAPTERTWELVE WELLthatwasprettytraumatic,wasntit?shesaidoverbrightly,once XanderhadreturnedfromwalkingBradouttothedoor. Xanderlookedatherfrombetweennarrowedlids,pleasedthatBradhadbacked offfromacustodybattleoverLauren,andmorethanhappytoforgivetheman andassurehimthatofcoursehecouldseehisgranddaughteranytimehe wantedto. ItwasthefactthattherewasnownoreasonforCaseytomarryhimthatwas causinghimtofrown. Causinghimtofrown?Hewantedtohitsomething! Anotherbrandy?heoffered. IthinkIvealreadyhadenough,thanks,Caseydeclined.Well,whatdowedo now?sheasked,inthatbrightvoicethatgratedXandersalreadyfrayednerves. Whatdoyouwanttodo?heaskedcautiously. Idontthinkthatsuptome,doyou? Whoelseisitupto,then?Xanderchallenged. Caseysmiledwryly.Isupposeweshouldcancelthewedding.Movemyown andJoshsthingsbacktothehouse.YouseeitwasjustaswellthatIdidntput itonthemarket. Shecouldlookalittlelesshappyaboutthis,Xanderfumed,wantingtowipethat smilerightoffherface.

Herheartwasdefinitelybreaking,Caseydecided,asXandertookhistimein answeringher.Probablytryingtofindthewordsthatwouldcausetheleast awkwardness,sheacknowledgedleadenly. Therewasnothinghecouldsaythatwasntgoingtohurther! Henolongerhadanyneedtomarryher.Shewasntgoingtohavemorechildren withhimthattheycouldwatchgrowuptogether.Shemostcertainlywasnt goingtogrowoldwithhim! ItsalittlelateforJoshandItomoveoutthisevening,soifitsokaywithyouI thinkwellleaveituntilthemorning,shesuggested,tryingdesperatelytokeep hervoicesteady. No,thatmostcertainlyisntokaywithme!Xandersnarled. YouwantmetowakeJoshupandtakehimawayfromheretonight?Casey gasped,andshestaredacrossathimincredulously. Surelyhecouldntbethatcruel?Itwasgoingtobedifficultenoughexplainingto Joshwhytherewasnolongergoingtobeawedding,orastepsisterand stepfather,withoutwakinghimuptotellhimthatinwhatwasthemiddleofthe nighttohim! No,ofcourseIdontwantthat,Xanderalmostroared. Shegaveadazedshakeofherhead.Idontunderstand Xandersmouthtightened.Wehadhaveadeal,Casey.Wegetmarried,andI provideforJoshsfuture,remember? Well,ofcoursesheremembered.ButwithBradHendersonsvisit,hisapology, surelythereasonfortheirmarriagehadnowbeenremoved Dontworry,Xander,Imnotgoingtoholdyoutoanyofthat.Sheshrugged. Afterall,neitherofushavesignedthecontract,sotherewasneveractually anythinginwriting,wasthere?Besides,thefactthatthemarriageisntgoingto takeplacemakesthatcontractnullandvoidanyway. Xandersexpressionwasstormy.Hishandsclenchedathissidesinaneffortto controlhisrisingtemper.

Caseywasbeingsodamnedcalmaboutallofthis.Sounderstanding.So unconcerned! Hedrewinaraggedbreath.Youdontthinkweshouldconsidergoingahead withthemarriage,anyway?hefinallymanagedtobiteoutthroughgrittedteeth. Hereyeswidened.Whyonearthwouldwedothat? Becausethethoughtofherjustwalkingoutofhislifetomorrowwastotally unacceptable!Becausehewantedtomarryher! Butnotonthetermstheyhadagreed.Oh,no,hewantedmorethanthat.Much morethanthat Itseemedlikeagoodideayesterday,sowhynottoday?hequeried. ButyouheardBradHenderson.Heisntgoingaheadwiththecustodybattle Forgetthecustodybattle!Xandergrowled.ForgetBradHenderson!Imtalking aboutyouandme.ImImattractedtoyou.AndafteryesterdayeveningI dontthinkyoucandenyyourownresponsetome,either.Isntthatmutual attractionenoughtobegoingonwith? Caseystaredathim,slightlystunned.Ofcoursemutualattractionwasntenough tobaseamarriageon.ShealreadyknewfrombeingmarriedtoSamhow fleeting,howinsubstantialthatwasandsurelyXanderhadlearntthatlesson onlytoowellhimselffromhisyearswithChloe.Long,bitteryears,whenthere wasneitherlovenorrespectoneitherside. Asformentioningthatembarrassingtimeinhisstudylastnight! Shecouldntquitemeettheintensityofhisgazewithherownassheanswered him.Xander,ifyouhaventrealisedityet,mymarriagetoSamthephysical sideofourrelationshipwaslessthansatisfactory Inwhatway?Xanderprobedremorselessly. Ineveryway,shesnappedback.Hewasmyfirstandonlyloverbeforebefore yesterday.AndbythetimemymarriageendedIcouldntevenbeartobeinthe sameroomwithhim,letalonehavehimtouchmeinthatway.Hewasmocking

andsarcasticaboutouroursexlife.AndIneverIneverItjustnever workedbetweenthetwoofus,shechoked. Whatdoyoumean,mockingandsarcastic?Xanderaskedmoregently. Cantyouguess?Caseywhispered.Samneverlostanopportunitytotellme howfrigid,coldandunresponsiveIwas.HowitwasmyownfaultthatIcould neverreachthatIneverShelookedupatXanderthroughteardrenched eyes.DoIhavetoactuallyspellitoutforyou?shecried. No,shedidnthavetospellanythingouttoXander.NotSamBridgesdeliberate crueltytotheyoungandinexperiencedgirlwhohadbecomehiswife.Notthe othermansyearsofemotionalbatteringthathadmadeitimpossibleforCasey toeverbeabletorelaxenoughwithhimtofindreleaseforherownpleasure. ApleasurethatXanderknewshedhadnoproblemreachinginhisarms. Whilehedhadherlyingonadesktop! HestillcringedatthethoughtofhowthatmusthaveseemedtoCasey.Even moresonowthatheknewhehadbeenthefirstmantoevergiveherphysical pleasure. Inthecircumstances,Ithinkitstotallywrongforthetwoofustomarrynow thattheresnoreasonforustodoso.Caseysvoicecrackedemotionally,her eyesawashwithunshedtears. Tearsthathehadcausedbyhisinsensitivity.Tearsthathewantedtokissfrom hereyes.Thathewantedtobanishfromherlifeforever! Casey Dont,Xander!shechoked,ashewouldhavereachedoutandgraspedher arms.Idontwantyoutotouchmeagain!Sheturnedawayfromhimblindly.I willmovemyownandJoshsthingsoutofheretomorrow,onceIvetakenhim toschool,andafterthatyouneedneverseeeitherofuseveragain,sheadded brokenly.UntilthenIthinkitwouldbebetterifwejuststayedawayfromeach other! Casey,please

No!shetoldhimforcefully,ashewouldhavereachedforherasecondtime. ThelastthingIneedisyourpity! Pity?XanderwastoofilledwithaburningrageatSamBridgescomplete callousnesstowardsCasey,thelieshehadtoldherinordertocoveruphisown inadequaciesasaman,tobeabletofeelsuchafeebleemotionaspity.Andhe certainlydidntfeelthatemotiontowardsCasey CaseyblinkedhertearsawayasshelookedupatXander,abletoseethesame disgustandangeronhisfaceshehadsooftenseenonSams.Seewhatalucky escapeyouvehad,Xander?shewhispered.Imsureyounomorewantafrigid wifethanSamdid. Heshookhisheadindenial.Youarentfrigid,Casey No?shesaidscathingly.ThenImustjustbecoldandunresponsive!She squeezedhereyesshut.Ihavetogo,Xander.Ihavetogetoutofhere!Ihaveto getawayfromyou!Sheturnedquicklyonherheelandfledtheroom. CHAPTERTHIRTEEN SHEbarelyhadtimetoclosethebedroomdoorbehindherbeforeitwasforced openagain.SheturnedsharplytofaceXanderashefollowedherintotheroom andclosedthedoorfirmlybehindhimtoleanbackagainstit. Itoldyou Iknowwhatyoutoldme,hecutinsoftly.Iheardeverywordthatyousaid. NowIwantyoutolistentomeforafewminutes,okay? Sheeyedhimwarily,butcouldseeonlywarmthinthatbluegazenow.Hisjaw wasnolongerclenched,andanencouragingsmilewasnowcurvingthose sculpturedlips. Herhandswerefistedathersidesevenassheswallowedhardbeforespeaking. Idontseewhatelsethereistosay Dontyou?hebreathed.DearLord,Casey,thereissomuch.Somuch!Thefirst thingyouneedtoknowisthatyouarenotanyofthethingsBridgestoldyou thatyouwere.

But Noneofthem,Casey,heinsisted.Youwereayounggirloftwentywhenthe twoofyoumarried,andBridgeswasalreadyinhislatetwenties;hewastheone whoshouldhavebeenresponsiblefortenderlyandlovinglyintroducingyouto physicalpleasure Ireallydontwanttotalkaboutthis!Caseygroanedinembarrassmentasshe turnedaway.Youdidntevenwantmeenoughlastnighttofinishwhatyou started! Casey.Xanderspokeurgentlyfromjustbehindher.Turnaroundandlookat me.Please! Shedrewinaraggedbreath,tensinghershouldersbeforeturningtofacehim, keepinghergazefixedfirmlyinthecentreofhischest. Touchme,heencouragedsoftly. Sheraisedstartledeyestolookupathim,frowningwithconfusion,notknowing whathewantedofher. Xanderreachedupandbegantounbuttontheblacksilkshirtheworeslowly, takinghistimeovereachbuttonashewatchedtheplayofemotionsacross Caseysohsotellingface.Hesawthewayherbreathcaughtinherthroatasthe musclesofhischestandtheflatnessofhisstomachwereslowlyrevealed,the waythefierycolourcaughtandheldinhercheeksashepulledtheshirtfromhis trousersandopenedit. Touchme,herepeatedhuskily. Shehesitatedforonlyamoment,andthenherhandsmoveduptentatively, lightlycaressingasshetouchedthedarkhairthatgrewonhischest,those caressingfingersleavingatrailoffirewherevershetouched. Xanderheldbacknoneofhisresponsetoherslightesttouchhislaboured breathing,hismusclesclenchingatherlightestcaress.Hepracticallystopped breathingaltogetherashertouchbecamebolder,movingsilkilyupthelengthof hischest,seeking,knowing,exploringeachdipandcurveofhisflesh,untilshe finallypushedtheshirtoffhisshouldersanddownhisarms,leavinghimnaked

fromthewaistup.Shecamecloser,notquitetouchinghimasherhandsmoved alongthetautwidthofhisshoulders. HewantedtobecompletelynakedwantedCaseyshands,herlips,toknowall ofhimbeforeshetookhiminsideherandheletthewarmthofhercompletely engulfhim. CanyoufeelhowIwantyou?hegroaned.FeelhowmuchIwantyou!He spokemorefiercelyashetookoneofherhandsandplaceditagainsthim againstthethrobbingheatofhim. CaseyseyeswidenedasshefelttheoutlineofXandersneed.Hewassobigand hard,andasherhandranthelengthofhimshefelthimsurgeatherlightest touch. Xanderdidwanther! Now! Urgently! Letmeshowyouhowfarfromfrigid,coldandunresponsiveyouare,Xander pleadedashishandsmoveddowntoclaspherswithinthewarmthofhis.Trust me,Casey,heurgedasshelookedupathimuncertainly.Trustmenottohurt you.IpromiseIllneverdoanythingtohurtyou.IfIdoanythinganythingat allthatyoudontlikeyouhaveonlytotellmeandIllstop,okay? But Wecantalklater.Wehaveallthetimeintheworldtotalk.NowIwanttoshow you,toletyousee,thatyouarethemostsexy,arousing,eroticallybeautiful womanIhaveeverknown. ButChloewassobeautiful Chloewasanimmoralalleycat!Xandersaidharshly.Ihaveabsolutelyno doubtsthatsheandyourhusbandwerewellmatched,thattheyfoundtogether whateveritwastheywerelookingfor.Butyou,CaseyHisvoicedeepenedto ahuskygrowl.Tomeyoureperfection.Youareeverythingawomanshouldbe. Beautiful.Warm.Kind.Aloving,unselfishmother.Withabodythatisso incredibly,sexily,magnificentlyarousingthatIonlyhavetolookatyoutowant

tomakelovetoyou.Hedrewinaraggedbreath.Ididntstoplastnight becauseIdidntwantyou.Istoppedbecauselovemakingshouldneverbeabout taking,Casey,butaboutgiving.AndlastnightgivingyoupleasurewasallthatI neededorwanted. Andnow?Caseybreathedsoftly. NowIwouldlikeustomakelovetoeachother,hetoldher,andheshedthe restofhisclothestostandbeforehercompletelynaked.Slowly.Tenderly. Fiercely.Iwantustoloveeachotherineverywaythereisbetweenamananda woman. Youreallydowantme?shevoicedshyly. Oh,Casey,howcanyoudoubtit?Hetookherhandsinhisandoncemoredrew themtohisbody,hisgazeholdinghersasheslowlymovedthosehandsacross hischest,downtheflatnessofhisstomach,andlower,placingthemagainsthim, aroundhim,gaspingasheallowedthefierceheattoflowthroughhim.Ithink youmaybealittleoverdressedfortheoccasion,though,hemurmuredsoftly, andhisarmsmovedaboutherandheslidthezipofherdressdownherspine, beforeallowingthegarmenttofalltothecarpetedfloor. CaseystoodbeforehimwearingonlysilkyFrenchpantiesandholdup stockings,thestyleofherdressnothavingallowedforabra.Herbreastswere fullandpoutingandbeggingforhiskiss! CaseysbreathdrewsharplyinandthenstoppedasshefeltXanderslipsand tongueagainstherbreasts,herbackarchinginstinctivelyassheofferedherself. ThebedwassoftandwelcomingasXanderlaidherbackuponit.Hiskissesand caresseswereunrelentingintheirintensity,andheshudderedhisownpleasure asCaseycaressedhiminreturn,keepingnothingofhisresponsesbackashe allowedherthefreedomtotouchandkisswherevershechose. Oh,God,Casey!hemoanedasherlipsandtonguedrovehimmad.Nomore! hefinallygaspedhotly,sittinguptoliehergentlydownbesidehim.Yourturn now,hepromised,evenashismouthmovedmoistly,hotly,downthelengthof herbody. Caseylaybeforehimunashamedlynakedashestrippedthelastofherclothes fromherbody.Hislipsandtonguetastedeveryinchofher,sucklingandlaving

herbreastsuntilshelayweakandgaspingbeneathhim,andhercrywasoneof appealashemovedlowerandunerringlyfoundthecoreofher,tastingher, savouringher,ashebroughthertotheverybrinkofrelease. Shelookedupathimthroughhalfclosedlidsashemovedupandaboveher,his weightonhisarmsashesettledbetweenherthighs.Thenhesurgedintotheraw heatofherwithslow,strokingthrusts. Shecriedouthoarsely,herhandsagainstthetautnessofhisspineashemoved harderandfasterandherbodyconvulsedaroundhim.Therewasalookofpure raptureonXandersfaceashereachedhisownrelease. Icouldliewithyoulikethisforever,Xandermurmuredsometimelater,his lipsagainsthercreamythroat,hisarmstightlyabouther,theirbodiesstilljoined. SocouldI,Caseyacknowledgedhuskily,herhandslightlycaressinghissilky hairasitrestedonhisshouldersintangleddisarray. Xanderlookedatherwithintentblueeyes.Iloveyou,Casey. Caseyclosedhersbriefly,hardlyabletobelievehehadsaidthosewordstoher, beforeopeningthemandsaying,Doyoureally,Xander? Morethanlifeitself,hevowed.Forgetthepast.Mostofall,forgetthecold bloodedwayIaskedyoutomarrymethreeweeksago.Hegroaned.Asyouve justseen,thereisnothingintheleastcoldaboutthewayyoumakemefeel! Caseylaughedsoftly,knowingafreedomwithXanderthatshehadnever experiencedbefore.Orthewayyoumakemefeel,sheechoedhuskily.Ido loveyousoverymuch,Xander.Shemovedsothatshecouldlookdownat him,carefulnottodislodgehim,lovingthefeelofhiminsideher,knowinghim tobeapartofherthatwasasnecessaryasbreathing. Willyoumarryme,Casey?Xanderasked.FornootherreasonthanbecauseI loveyou.Becauseyouloveme.Willyou,Casey? IthoughtbeforeBradarrivedIbelievedyouweregoingtotellmethatyou couldntmarryme,afterall!Shebreathedshakily,hardlyabletobelievethat suchhappinesswasreallywithinhergrasp.

Iwas,Xanderconfirmed.ButonlythatIcouldntmarryyouunderthe conditionswehadagreed,headdedquickly,asshefrowned.Icouldnthave beenmarriedtoyouandnotwantedtobewithyoulikethis!hetoldherfiercely. IwouldhavebeenlyingtoyouaswellasmyselfifIhadallowedustosignthat contractdisclaiminganyphysicalrelationshipbetweenus.Iwantyoutoomuch, needyoutoomuch,toeverbeabletoagreetothat!heassuredhergruffly.And Iwant,always,togiveyouthesamehonestyyouvealwaysgivenme,he murmured,evenashishandsmovedtocaressthesoftnessofherhair.Marry me,Casey,andmakemethehappiestmanthateverlived. Oh,yes,shesaid.Yes,Illmarryyou,Xander! Foratimetherewasonlysilenceinthebedroomastheykissedeachotherwith fiercehunger. Whendidyouknowthatyoulovedme?Caseyfinallyaskedwonderingly. ImnotcompletelysureoftheexactmomentIfellinlovewithyou.ButIknew forcertainthatitwasloveIfeltforyouwhenIlookedatthecontractlastnight afteryouleftandsawthatyourefusedtoacceptanymoneyforyourself.You see,mydarling,Ihadassumedyouwerenthappywiththecontractbecausea millionpoundswasntenough XanderFraser,Idontwantyourmoney Iknowthat,mylove.Hesmiled.Iknowthatonlytoowell.Butitseemed,after thewayyouleftmelastnight,thatyoudidntwantme,either. Howcanyousaythat,afterwhathappened?Caseygaspedincredulously. Youseemedunhappythatyouhadallowedittohappen.Hegrimaced. Iwasstunned,shecorrectedhuskily.IreallydidbelievethatIwasoneofthose womenwhosimplydontenjoythephysicalsideofarelationship. Andnow?Xanderteased. NowIwouldlikeustomakeloveagain,sheadmittedsoftly,evenasshefelt himstirinsideher.Infact,Iwouldlikeforustostayinbedforaweek,with absolutelynodistractionsbuteachother!

Ithinkthatmightbearranged,Xandermutteredashemovedtokissher.Im surethechildrenwontmindifweaskBradtostaywiththemwhilewe disappearforafewdaysonourhoneymoon. Werereallygoingtogetmarriedtomorrow,asplanned?Caseylookedupat himwithwonderingeyes. Ithinkperhapswehadbetter,dontyou,hesaidindulgently.Iloveyouso much,Casey,andImnotgoingtobeabletokeepmyhandsoffyouforsome timetocome.Hishandmovedcaressinglydowntheflatnessofherwaisttothe silkycurlsbeneath. Love. TohaveXanderloveher. ToloveXanderinreturn. Lovewaswhatmadeallthedifference CHAPTERFOURTEEN XANDER? Hmm?hemurmuredsleepilyagainstherthroat,havingfallenintoasatiated sleepaftertheirlovemaking. Caseytookafewmomentsforcontentedreflectionbeforeansweringhim. Evenafterayearofmarriagetheystillcouldntgetenoughofeachotherof beingtogether,oflovingeachother. XanderoftendeferredbusinesstripsifCaseycouldntaccompanyhim somethingthatwasntalwayspossiblewhentheyhadtwosmallchildrento thinkof.AndCaseyslatestageofpregnancymeantshehadntbeenabletofly anywhereatalltheselasttwomonths. ThislastyearofbeingXanderswife,ofunitingtheirtwofamiliesBradhad becomegrandfathertobothJoshandLaurenofmakingachildoftheirown, hadbeenthehappiesttimeCaseyhadeverknowninherlife.

Anditwasabouttogetbetter Ithinkweneedtogototheclinic,Xander,shetoldhimsoftly. Hmm?hemurmuredsleepilyagain.What?hegasped,sittingupasherwords penetratedhisdrowsybrain,withapanickedlookonhisface.Areyousure? Isntittooearly?Thebabyisntexpectedforanothercoupleofweeks!he mutteredworriedly,evenashegotoutofbedandbegantopullonhisclothes. Caseygaveahappysmileasshewatchedhimputonhistrouserswithout puttingonhisboxershorts,andhavingtostartalloveragain.Ithinkthebaby hasdecidedotherwise,shetoldhimasshemovedtothesideofthebed. Fine.Henoddeddistractedly,hishairadarktangleasherananagitatedhand throughit.FirstIhavetocallBradandgethimtocomeandsitwithLaurenand Josh.ThenIhaveto Slowdown,Xander.Caseylaughed.Itisntgoingtohappenforhoursyet,she assuredhim.Ijustdontthinkitsgoingtowaituntilmorning,sheadded,as anothercontractiongrippedher. Xanderpaledandquicklycrossedthebedroomtoherside.Youregoingtobe allright,arentyou,Casey?heasked,grippingbothherhandsinhisashestared downatherintently.Icouldntbearitifanythinghappenedtoyou Nothingisgoingtohappentomeexceptthatinafewhourstimeweregoingto haveanothersonordaughter,shesaidwarmly. Xandersatdownonthebedbesideher.Iloveyou,Casey!hetoldherfiercely.I loveyou,wantyou,andneedyousovery,verymuch! Sheleantforwardandkissedhimlingeringlyonthelips.Ilove,wantandneed youinexactlythesameway.Shestraightened.Now,letsgoandgivebirthto oursonordaughter!sheadded,withanexultantlaugh. Theirdaughter,AnnaLouise,wasbornthreehourslater,withherfathersglossy blackhairandeyesofbluealreadytingedwithhermothersgreen.

Iwanthalfadozenmore,CaseywarnedXanderasshewatchedthegentleway hecradledtheirdaughterinhisarms. Onlyhalfadozen?heteased,andhelookedatherlovingly,anemotionalcatch inhisvoice. Lifewasgoodsovery,verygood,Caseyacknowledged,evenashereyesbegan toclosesleepily. WithXandertolove,andbelovedby,sheknewthatitwouldalwaysbethat way ANHEIRFORTHEMILLIONAIRE Copyright2010byHarlequinBooksS.A.