Running Head: Small Groups; A Source of Life

Small Groups: A Source of Life Kimberli Michelle Brown Alston Oliver, Ph.D. & Theresa Oliver Ph.D. Telios University

Small Groups: A Source of Life

Abstract Human beings are social beings. It is not good for any individual to be isolated from other human beings for long periods of time. Each person has an innate desire to be connected to or to be a part of something. Even nature gathers in groups called flocks, herds or packs. In the natural world there is strength and safety found in numbers. It is the one that is found to be alone in complete isolation that is the most vulnerable. A group is defined as being any collection or gathering of persons or things; a cluster considered to be related in some way. A group fills the need to belong that is found within an individual. An individual can find safety, help, healing, direction or whatever else is needed by being a part of a group. The most effective way of learning is from other people. Groups form for this purpose. Every individual has something in their mind that they hope to learn when they join a group. When a group forms it go through stages. Each stage affects every individual as equally as every individual response affects each stage. The beginning of a group is the most difficult because connections are being made; relationships are being formed. There are skills that help the group grow and change so that by the time the group reaches the final stage of termination each individual should be ready to go on to the next phase of their life knowing how to proceed, as well as having developed new relationships and made new connections with which they can take into the next phase they enter confidently.

Small Groups: A Source of Life

Humans are social beings by nature. They are ravenously relational; even the most introverted need companionship. Life is defined by community. Regardless of age, race, gender, temperament or past history, people need people. It is through the process found in groups that individual goals are best accomplished. Relationships are proven to be innovative and productive (www.ericdigests.org/1994/group.htm ) in the way of community. Community is intertwined in Gods identity and nature. The Bible has much to say about community and family, which are nothing more then simple groups. A group is defined as being a collection or an assemblage of persons or things; a cluster; an aggregation; a number of persons or things considered to be together because of relation in some way (Collins English Dictionary, 2009); a family is a group. Families provide a portion of the definition of the individual person. A person is partly defined by the groups they are a part of. An example of this is the grouping of people called gangs. They are primarily made up of those who dont have families for various reasons; people who, for whatever reason, have been cut off or isolated. A gang member will make the bold statement that his gang is his family and will define his / her life and everything about him or herself according to the gang they run with. The family or gang are groups on the most basic and foundational level. A group is more then just a collection of individuals. It is an entity, a living system with its own physical form, personality, potential and limitations. As parts of the body are joined together, the people in a group are joined together emotionally, intuitively, intellectually, and spiritually. If there was a formula for the synergy of a group it would be 1+1+1+1+1=5, etc. (The Art of Facilitation, Dale Hunter, et al). A group is all about flowing and growing together harmoniously as a whole, with strong relationships being at the core. As long as the relationships

Small Groups: A Source of Life

continue, the community or environment around them is stable. Change is needed for stability to be achieved. Growth does not and cannot occur if there is no change. In the Bible the Old Testament says a lot about families and community. The culture of the Bible defines the individual person according to the family they were born into. Throughout the old and new testaments God calls us His Children and Himself, our Father just like a family group. Life is defined by the community of family and community is made up of relationships. Community is all about relationship. Gods communal nature requires relationship. When God is experienced in His fullness and His people in all of their fullness then community becomes a reality (Building a Church of Small Group, pg.18, 21-23). The greatest privilege of mankind is that they carry Gods nature within and share the need for relationship with Him. The success of small groups is dependent on the vision for community. Jesus choice of twelve men from the crowd of thousands shows the relational desire of Gods heart. It is impossible to develop an intimate relationship with the crowd; drawing close together within the confines of small groups, relationships are able to form effortlessly and create a caring and changing community. Gods social nature can be seen in Genesis 1:26-27. Humanity was created male and female in His Image for the purpose of relationship. In Genesis 2:18 God Himself acknowledges that it is NOT good for man to be alone. The Hebrew and Chaldean term used for man is adamah which is more commonly known as adam. This term does not always refer to the individual male. It can in fact refer to the human species generally speaking of both male and female in the context of humanity. The first four chapters of Genesis reveal the relationship between God and man, husband and wife, and family. These chapters show the complete and unbroken relationships of God/man and husband/wife and how the relationships became broken,

Small Groups: A Source of Life

effecting the relationships of family. What mankind broke, God healed and restored through His Son Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:22). Life restored in completion means relationships are restored in completion. Life is relationships. The very first small group was a community of three; God, Adam and Eve. Together, life was complete, as it was intended to be. In Genesis chapter three Eve is seen isolated and alone, facing off with the enemy. Had Eve been consciously aware of Gods Presence or her husbands at the time of her encounter with the enemy she may not have been so easily deceived. The first three chapters of Genesis shows that there were appointed times Adam and Eve experienced His Presence. Genesis 3:8 shows that the time they experienced His Presence was in the evening, or the cool of the day. The lack of awareness of Gods Presence brought together with Eves lack of knowledge of Gods Word was a set up for defeat. Eve only had an idea as to what God had said. Adam knew what God had said. God spoke the instructions directly to him. Adam knew without a doubt what God said exactly as He said it. Eves idea proved to be faulty and not good enough to sustain her in her attempt to reason with the enemy. This faulty idea caused her to be easily led into the failure that severed the most important relationship mankind will ever have - the one between Creator and creation. This severed relationship increased mankinds level of vulnerability to the enemy of the human soul. The enemy never strikes when people are aware of Gods Presence. The enemy is the most vulnerable and the weakest when God is present. It is in the moments of unconscious awareness of Gods Presence that the awareness of who God is needs to be in effect in the mind, heart and spirit. This requires strict discipline and is impossible for any person to achieve completely on their own. Ecclesiastes 4:8-12 makes the declaration that it is never good for a

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person to be alone. Verse 12 summarizes this concept by stating, Though one person can be overpowered by another, two can resist an opponent. A triple braided cord is not easily broken. There is strength in numbers. Adam and Eve together could have resisted the enemy until the cool of the day (the evening) when they would have been aware of Gods Presence, and then the enemy would have been the weakest and most vulnerable and would have been dealt with in that moment, by God Himself. This is why God implanted the desire to be together, to belong, or to be a part of something within each person; and when failure occurs God uses both command and correction to bring people together (Genesis 2:24; 3:16). Nothing can be conquered when a person is completely isolated and alone. God knows this and makes it possible to overcome trials and other difficulties by allowing people to come together in groups. In the New Testament Jesus picked out twelve men, from the large crowd that followed Him. He lived with, ate with, bathed and slept with these twelve men. He allowed these men to see every aspect of His Life (mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically). These men saw Him laugh, cry, get frustrated, even get angry. They saw Him under stress and in distress. They saw Him live, and they saw Him die. They also saw Him live again. These twelve men are known to be Jesus disciples. The process Jesus walked them through, is called discipleship. Many small groups in the church today are modeled after this process because of the results. It was these twelve men that Jesus chose who flipped the world upside down, forever changed, never to be the same again. The Church is made up of groups on all levels. People go to church for relationship and connection; first with their Creator to see how He is involved with creation and their lives and then with each other (Building a Church of Small Groups). The Church is broken down into denominations. Some of these denominations have denominations within them. Within the

Small Groups: A Source of Life

denominations are a variety of groups made up of age, race, etc. and within these groups we find the core, a variety of families. Each of these groups in their own way provides safety, loyalty, truth and love for the people who are a part of them. These groups help people to learn. When the church fails to demonstrate community it fails its ultimate mission (Building a Church of Small Groups). A group is meant to help, not fix people. Groups are great sources of encouragement to finding solutions to a variety of struggles in life. Groups consist of people who have similar issues or struggles, but come from various backgrounds, ages or careers (www.ericdigest.org). When a group has a variety of members it means that the benefit of a variety of solutions is also available. This is important because human beings learn the most effectively from each other. Knowledge gained by experience / hands on makes a bigger impact then knowledge gained from books or lecture. While these sources of learning from books and lecture are important, the impact is minimal in comparison to the interactions and encounters people have with each other. Experience gives a deeper appreciation for variety. There are a variety of world views, even within the two main schools of thoughts of the eastern and western cultures. Conflicts and problems arise continuously. But as fast as the problems and conflicts arise, so does the solutions. People learn how to agree and disagree and accept each other as they are. This is the concept of one accord in Acts 4:32-37. Just as a number of different notes are sounded and harmonized in various pitches in tones, blended together to create a masterpiece under the direction of one concert master, so is the Holy Spirit blending all the different lives together, creating something amazingly beautiful and pleasing to our heavenly Father within the Church. This is being accomplished through the process of small groups.

Small Groups: A Source of Life

The diagram and illustration of music is taken from A Church of Small Groups

Groups are made up of a variety of individuals, but the individuals are not the primary focus. Groups have the potential to be incredible sources of encouragement, healing and comfort in the middle of difficult times as they help people identify and achieve common goals. This is a primary purpose of the Body of Christ, also known as the Church. 2 Corinthians states, Praise be to God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Compassion and God of all comfort who comforts us in our troubles; so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. Discomfort on any level is unpleasant. God is the example to follow in dealing with discomfort. He does not abandon His people in their pain, leaving them broken and bleeding, but rather He does whatever it takes to bring them into the necessary healing so that they can move on to the next step. He does this so that it can be known how to reach out and help others discover that same healing for their own lives so that they too can proceed on to the next level of living. This is Gods way of taking mankind into the relationship of partnership. God groups His people together in small groups; to help each other through the process called life, just as He helps us.

Small Groups: A Source of Life

People join groups for various reasons, the primary reason being they are looking to connect with other people who are facing or have already faced similar situations to their own. Change, restoration, healing, hope, truth, communication and effectiveness are absolute necessities of any group, as it is any one of these or any combination of these that people are in search of when they join the groups! In the beginning stages of any group there will be a lot of questions until the relationships deepen. Groups do not function on a one way dialogue. It is best to start with one or two warm up questions followed by 2-3 deeper questions that stir up thoughts and easily transition into interaction and discussion. There is no right or wrong answer in questions that stir up discussion. The personal questions are only intended to stimulate the thoughts that bring the challenge and the change sought after. Change means growth. If there is no change, there is no growth. When growth ceases to occur, stagnancy sets in and eventually death will be the result. Change occurs when the members interact. The interactions between group-members help create unity, trust and a sense of belonging in the group. Interaction also creates that team mentality in the development of the purpose and goals of the group and helps each member to know they are an accepted and valuable part of the group as the group determines and sets goals and establishes acceptable / not acceptable behavior for the group. It is important to the success of the group that every member knows they are respected and valued. When someone is missing from the group, it affects the whole group. As the group goes from the beginning stage into the transitional stage, there will be unrest and wanting; this is what growth is all about. It is vitally important that a safe environment be created so that members can express and recognize feelings and fears without the fear of rejection or criticism as they discover who they are on a deeper level. The beginning stage of the group is more

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individually focused. The beginning of a group is a time of discovery; discovering who each member is, what they have to offer the group and what role they fill that best compliments the group as the group cohesion is being developed. It is important for leaders and members to pay attention to what happens in the group in the way of actions, attitudes, and words spoken, helping the members to understand what they are experiencing as they experience it. Groups function best when leaders and members are aware of what is transpiring and are able to express their thoughts and feelings about it. This also makes transition occur easier and smoother. Feedback is one way to accomplish this. Feedback is more likely to be accepted when there is a balance of positive and negative feedback. The balance also helps to create and encourage a safe environment that growth can flourish in. If there is too much positive feedback then it is impossible to see the need for change; but if there is too much negative feedback then rejection and criticism are perceived and no one feels safe. When people feel safe from the fear of rejection they can then be transparent and vulnerable. People know they are valued when they are accepted and respected in their vulnerability. This safety makes it easier to transition into the necessary and needed change. Safety is especially important when the group is in transition because the members level of self-awareness is increased; this means their concern of acceptance or rejection is also increased. The transition stage is also the testing stage, as members struggle between playing it safe or taking risk to be involved. The transition is also a learning stage. The members are learning how to express themselves, likes, dislikes and make challenges so others will hear them. A part of creating safety is being able to create and recognize moments that stimulate and bring change. Jesus created moments with His disciples. One moment He created was in the upper room, around a table, creating an atmosphere of intimacy. His tools were a bowl of water

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and a towel. He washed the feet of His disciples, showing them how much He loved them and teaching them that Love sometimes steps down so the object of its affection can be raised up. Jesus revealed a side of God they had never seen before. When Jesus broke the bread and passed the wine in this same upper room another moment was created. Both of these moments have impacted the Church throughout the generations and still have a powerful effect today. Jesus also knew how to recognize and seize moments to stimulate thought that brings change. Three of the most well known moments are: the poor widow and her mite, the dinner at the Pharisees house when a woman washed His feet with her tears and hair, and the Samaritan woman at the well. These women were impacted and forever changed, never to be the same again. All three of them left those moments knowing they were accepted and loved as they were in spite of their outer circumstances (Building a Church of Small Groups, Bill Donahue and Russ Robinson). Aside from the ability to create and recognize moments, there are communication skills that are necessary for transition to occur successfully. These skills are: Active listening - It is important and necessary to be able to not only hear with the ears, but also be able to recognize other verbal clues such as tones, and taking note of the body language when a person is speaking. Often the body speaks much more clearly then the words being spoken. This encourages the members in the area of trust and value when they know they are really being paid attention to. Facilitating Members are able to express their fears and expectations and receive encouragement, support and sometimes challenge as they explore personal levels or try new behaviors. This skill challenges and invites participation to every member of the group and creates independence as members are encouraged to talk to each other directly. Open expression

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of conflict and controversy are also encouraged as members learn how to overcome barriers of direct communication. Restating - Members can know they have been heard and understood by having what they said restated back to them in slightly different words; this also helps clarify the meaning of what they just said. Clarification This skill grasps the essence of the message at the emotional and intellectual levels and simplifies the message by focusing on the core statements. Summarizing This technique pulls together the important elements of an interaction between members or at the end of a session. It avoids fragmentation and gives direction as well as providing continuity and meaning. Interpreting Explanations are offered and self-exploration is encouraged. New perspectives for understanding actions are provided. It is important to be aware of cultural differences in the group before making an interpretation. Questioning - Asking open-ended questions not only stimulates thinking and leads to selfexploration and discussion, but also increases clarity and focus. Confrontation It will become necessary to challenge a member to look at discrepancies when their words dont line up with their actions or body language. Confrontation is sometimes best handled in the manner of coaching. Coaching is confrontation under friendly fire. Coaching is a right, not a privilege, and calls for gentleness. Coaching also helps the over-thinker from sabotaging something they really, really want. Reflection Communicates understanding of the content. Support Provides encouragement and reinforcement.

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Blocking When members begin questioning, probing, gossiping, and invading privacy or breaking confidences, this skill keeps the group safe. Assessing Identifies the symptoms and figures out the cause of behavior and chooses the proper intervention. Modeling Being an open, direct, sensitive, honest, respectful and enthusiastic example to follow. Suggesting Helps develop an alternative course of thinking or action. Keeping the balance with this skill is of key importance. There is a thing called too much advice. Initiating takes an active role in providing direction and structure to keep the group focused. Once again, balance is the key word; too much and creativity becomes stifled while too little and the group becomes passive. Evaluating involves asking questions and helps evaluate the success or failure of the group. Empathy Identifies with members by assuming their point of reference and frame of mind, creating an atmosphere of safety and trust that encourages members to continue in desired behaviors through difficult struggles, in spite of their differences. There are differences in groups. Because of these differences there will be differences of opinion. Conflicts are sure to occur. This is okay, so long as the discussion is always moving forward in the direction of reconciliation. Conflict is natural and normal; when we avoid conflict we deny the sense of community (Dr. Alston Oliver, September 10, in class). The result of conflict handled respectfully is the people in the group continuing to love and respect one another, even if they dont agree. Communication is the key in conflict resolution, and the more knowledge there is about the variety of ways to communicate, the better communication will be. Communication is 80%

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listening and 20% talking (The Art of Facilitation, Dale Hunter, et al). Listening is a powerful tool and encourages the one speaking. A wide range of understanding of the different philosophical views is useful in communication as well. Listen to what the individuals head is saying when they say I think and hear their heart when they say I feel.... Hear the determination of spirit when the person says I will or I am Communication helps the understanding and helps keep the focus of the group on the here and now when dealing with conflict. Open Communication enables a group to move into the working stage smoothly where the level of trust and cohesiveness is high, positive and negative feedback are given and received freely, and confrontation is non-judgmental (Dr. Alston Oliver, March 4, 2011, class notes). Termination skills are also necessary in leading groups. It is just as important to know how and when to stop the process of the group as it is to begin. A poor ending can nullify even the most excellent beginning. It is necessary to be able to recognize when the group should end, when an individual is ready to leave, and when the group has completed its tasks. Encouraging the members to do work in between the sessions will help them transfer what they learned to their natural environment so they can be prepared for problems they may face after the group is over. When the leader is available for individual consultation this also makes the group termination go more smoothly. When it is time for the group to adjourn issues of loss will be raised. There will be sadness and anxiety over the reality of the separation of the group and members may respond by pulling back and participating less. When the group comes to a close whatever unfinished business has not been dealt with gets addressed at this time. Tensions may run high as emotions may be at a high, as well. Focusing on celebrating the accomplishments of the group in the last meetings will help ease this sense of loss (www.ericdigests.org) as each individual takes the

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next step forward to the next level of living. Life is easier and more fun to move through when there are people to share the moments with. Life is meant to be lived in community. Community is all about relationships. Relationships stimulate change. Change enables growth. If there is no change there is no life. Life is relationships.

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Donahue, Bill and Russ Robinson. (2001). Building a Church of Small Groups: A Place Where Nobody Stands Alone. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan. Gladding, Samuel T. (1994). Effective Group Counseling. ERIC Clearinghouse on Counseling and Student Services Greensboro NC. Web Digest. Hare, Sharon E. and A. Paul Hare. (2003). Role Repertoires of Members in an Effective Small Group: A Simulation. EBSCO. Kirsch, Jean and Susie Spradlin. (2006). Group Process in Jungian Analytic Training and Institute Life. Journal of Analytical Psychology, 51, 357-380. McGrath, Joseph E., Holly Arrow and Jennifer L. Berdahl. (2000). A Study of Groups: Past, Present, and Future, 4 (1), 95-105. Oliver, Alston. (September 2010 / March 2011). Class Lecture. Presentation at Faith School of Theology, Charleston, ME. William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd. (2009). College English Dictionary Complete and Unabridged 10th Edition. HarperCollins. (2001). Master Study Bible; King James Version with Encyclopedia, Topical Concordance and Other Study Materials. Nashville, TN. Cornerstone.