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N at i o n a l B e s t s e l l e r
rachel
simmons
o d d girl o u t
the
hidden
culture of
aggression
in girls
C O M P L ET E LY R E V I S E D
A N D U P DAT E D
rachel simmons
mariner books
houghton mifflin harcourt
foreword xv
introduction 1
notes 369
bibliography 377
acknowledgments 387
index 391
When I first wrote Odd Girl Out, I had no experience in the class-
room other than as an observer. All that changed when the book was
published. I began working with schools to develop strategies to re-
duce bullying. I went into the trenches, serving as a classroom
teacher with girls in elementary, middle, and high schools. I co-
founded the Girls Leadership Institute and wrote curricula to de-
velop girls’ social-emotional learning skills. Today, I am a teacher
myself.
One of our best hopes for changing the hidden culture of girls’
aggression is educators. An educator can create a classroom culture
that understands the range of girls’ aggressions, refuses to tolerate
them, invites girls’ private and public discussion of them, and seeks
solutions wherever possible. It is in the classroom that a girl can learn
that alternative aggressions are nonassertive acts. Educators can
teach girls that indirection and manipulation are unsatisfactory ways
to express negative feelings.
Beginning in preschool, along with how to stand in line, how to
be quiet when the teacher asks, how to take care of the pet guinea
335
336
odd pig, and how to wait their turn, girls and boys can learn that alterna-
girl tive aggressions are not acceptable. Just as they are taught that
out punching to get what you want is a kind of violence, students must
learn that threatening to not be someone’s friend is, too. The lessons
must begin early and continue year after year. Just because alter-
native aggressors sigh instead of shout, snort instead of tease, roll
their eyes instead of taunt, or turn their backs instead of hit, they
shouldn’t be let off the hook. Banning these behaviors and socializ-
ing girls away from them should become as important as any other
lesson in character education.
Yet educators alone cannot be expected to carry this load. If this
is a culture that blames parents for everything wrong at home, it’s
also a culture that blames educators for everything wrong at school.
Educators cannot be the architects of lasting change without the
support of colleagues, principals, and superintendents. On a day-to-
day level, educators must feel that time spent on these issues is nei-
ther wasted nor stolen but instead important to their students’
education and development. This chapter examines girl bullying
from an educator’s perspective. I explore the obstacles professionals
face, along with strategies they can use right now to create a safer
learning environment for students.
barriers to intervention