Apprentice Morivou. Connor Lidell. Ashla Academy Assignment 2 My path has changed over the years.

I first started recognizing an independent path when I was 12 years old. Its only been 7 years since that time, but I have practiced many belief systems since. Each of these has given me a different perspective regarding how to live life. I have practiced Buddhism, Taoism, Christianity, and Sithism over the years, and all of these created a very conflicting self-view that I had not been sure how to deal with. I know this is a tad digression, but I plead youll understand what I mean by conflicting paths. Because of all this, I had never been a very social person with my peers. I could talk to adults, but to the people around me, I was just Connor. I knew, though, that I cared more than to just be Connor. I wanted much more out of life than to skate by. I was ruining my chances by shutting out my family, friends, and everybody else that cared about me. I realized, at this point about 3 years ago, that I had to stop believing in everything and nothing at the same time. I needed to focus on a purpose for my life and I needed it soon before my teenage years flitted away while I stood watching. So, I made a drastic move. I rejected all of my beliefs except my Christian roots. This led me, in the Star Wars sense, to accept Jedi Realism as a belief. A year later, when I was 17, Jackie Meyer, my Jedi Master, helped me realize what I had done to myself by keeping a closed mind. I had been accepted by all of my friends, but I was not able to believe in truth. Do not misunderstand, I am not saying that the Christian belief system is invalid; I am just saying that I voided my chances at a pure belief because I was jaded by past choices and that was my main purpose for joining the faith. Joining a religion out of fear or anger is never a good idea. Thats exactly what I did. That is the back-story of my beliefs. Jackie has helped me since then to shed what I believed out of fear from what I believed out of joy and balance. I may, someday, return to a Christian belief system. I am not sure, though. I have recently found myself without so much of a religion as a lifestyle. My current beliefs lie in the Jedi Path. It is a place I can relate to good people around me and a place where my Path is equal to a healthy lifestyle. I will focus on this part of my life (the past year or so) as an examination of my current relationship to those around me, and how my path has directly influenced those relationships. So, my main focuses are compassion, individuality, and the freedom of expression in terms of creative vocation. With my family, I really hid a lot of individuality. I mean, they knew I was different in a good way, but when I lived with my parents, I had to hide a lot. I

couldnt be who I really wanted to be because I knew they were judgmental about it. I grew up in the Bible Belt, see? And, not being JUST a Christian wasnt acceptable in my family. Still isnt. I still have to censor myself sometimes. So, my path hinders my relationship with my family. Of course, that it something that I would love to change! I would very much be happy with some kind of understanding. I have not, yet, the will to confront them with this issue. Maybe with more independence and more time, I will garner the strength to address this issue. Next, I have a wonderful, open relationship with my friends. They do not really approve of what I do, but they seem to understand. My compassion and good will has always been a sign of comfort for them. I consider this a very good thing, because they could easily be closed-minded and my efforts would be for naught. I also do some healing, and I know they appreciate that from me. I also am open to going to church things with close, religious friends. I still have ties to the church. So, I enjoy the worship experience and the camaraderie. On the esotericism, though, I do not share this with my friends and I wouldnt know how to if I tried. My problem is that my path has set me apart from many of my lay friends. Now, I dont pretend to think I am better than they; Im not. I simply think its a part of my life that I cannot share with them. So, it keeps me from doing all that I would like to. With my intimate relationships, it caused tension. She talked of marriage (obviously, I wasnt ready) and she didnt want me doing all of these crazy things. I did share everything with her. It didnt go so well. But, at least she understood and respected me enough to back off when I needed her to. As to the usage of my path, I have been successful at garnering friendship and trust. My sense of duty and loyalty to those for whom I care allow me to love and enfold my family and friends. It has given me perspective not to judge and not to worry. It has given me truth when all I received was falsehood. I treat my friends like they are the Force itself. I let my thoughts flow through them and allow them to feel safe around me. With my family, I am an obvious confidant and loved one. Its not a haughty confidence, but I do enjoy the attention and the trust. At work and school, it has allowed me to excel in my product. I work hard and I dont stop till the job is done. I was always a straight A student. I loved what I did. And, I will continue to do so in college. My path shows a lot of discipline, and it serves me very well in that capacity. I used to procrastinate a lot. No longer do I wait till the last minute. I prioritize (hence why this assignment is a few months late. ;) ), I try to keep everything in line, and I try to keep everything in perspective. Its not all about me. I understand that. Thats why I am unique to those around me. I dont judge from a pre-conceived perspective (at least, I try my hardest not to). My path is a difficult one to follow, though, and just for that reason. I am emotionally detached

from my friends, even my close ones. They understand this and call me out on it all the time. They constantly remind me that I am not a machine. While I understand this as well, I do think there is merit in detachment in a relationship. That seems contradictory, but it is not. When I am a Jedi Knight, I hope that all of my friendships will be based off of this trust and loyalty. I want people not to see me as a human, but as a protector. Is this wrong? Am I getting to deep into this? I know my own perspective will change with time, as it always has, but one always has to wonder if this is the one that will stick. So, in that way, my path hinders my relationships. I am not sure, though, if I want relationships that go beyond this. That kind of attachment seems detrimental to what I want to accomplish. But, again, this may be marred by a lack of vision on my part. As an Ashla Apprentice, I will definitely explore this topic more and find out exactly what it is that I want. Thank you for your time.