EFT Specialty Workshop

Presenters
(In order of appearance)

Dr. Carol Look Paul & Layne Cutright Lori Lorenz, MA Ann Adams, LCSW Gary Craig

Dr. Carol Look on Using EFT for Weight Loss and Addictions
To contact Carol go to www.emofree.com/contacts.htm

OVERVIEW OF ADDICTIONS

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Definition of substance abuse Compulsions vs. Obsessions Drugs, alcohol and food as tranquilizers Why diets dont work When FOOD is your drug of choice Treatment vs. Healing

EFT FOR WEIGHT LOSS

INTAKE QUESTIONS FOR NEW CLIENTS 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. How long have you been overeating? Who else in your family is overweight? What happened the last time you reached your goal weight? What emotions are you trying to tranquilize or avoid with food/ by being stuffed? What loss/emptiness are you trying to fill with extra food? What would you focus on if you didnt obsess about food anymore? How would you spend your time if you didnt eat compulsively anymore? What is the downside of losing weight? What is the upside of remaining overweight?

LOOK FOR AND TREAT THE FOLLOWING EMOTIONAL THEMES 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Deprivation: Even though I feel deeply deprivedand Im insatiable Abandonment: Even though I feel hurt about being abandoned Loss: Even though I feel indescribable losses inside Loneliness/ Emptiness: Even though I feel completely empty inside Anxiety: Even though I cant stop feeling anxious/ cant control my anxiety Guilt: Even though I suffer from too much guilt Fear: Even though Im profoundly afraid Anger: Even though I cant stop feeling angry

ADDRESS PRIMARY PSYCHOLOGICAL REVERSALS 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Even if I never get over my weight problem, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I dont deserve/ Im not worthy of reaching my goal weight, I Even though its not safe for me to reach my goal weight Even though its not safe for others when I lose weight Even though I know Ill feel deprived if I get over this problem, I deeply Even though Im afraid to let go of this problem

IDENTIFY AND TREAT LIMITING BELIEFS THAT BLOCK SUCCESS 1. Even though I dont believe I can reach my goal 2. Even though no one in my family is thin 3. Even though I dont trust myself to keep the weight off 4. Even though Im never successful/ havent been successful in the past 5. Even though Im overweight because of my metabolism 6. Even though I know its dangerous to be successful 7. Even though I dont believe I can change 8. Even though no one will notice if I lose the weight 9. Even though Im afraid I will still be unhappy if I lose the weight 10. Even though I cant give up my security 11. Even though no one in my family has ever kept the weight off 12. Even though Im convinced I will regain the weight again 13. Even though theyll expect more of me if I conquer my weight problem 14. Even though I dont deserve to be happy/ successful/ thin 15. Even though Im afraid of success 16. Even though I believe I am insatiable 17. Even though I dont believe diets work 18. Even though I know I inherited this body type/ shape 19. Even t hough I believe I was meant to look/ be this way 20. Even though I was told I would be overweight as an adult

THE PRESENT 1. Ask client to identify food cravings that trigger compulsive overeating. Even though I am a sugar addict Even though I crave sweets after meals Even though I cant stay away from pretzels Even though Im obsessed with potato chips Even though I cant stop eating even when Im full Even though I have constant cravings Even though I eat when Im bored/ lonely/ angry

2. Ask client to identify problem times of the day that trigger overeating. Even though I overeat every afternoon Even though I overeat when I am alone Even though I cant stop eating late at night Even though I binge in the afternoons Even though I have an enormous appetite Even though I stuff myself in the car 3. How do you feel when you see food? Even though I cant stop thinking about food after I see it Even though the sight of food makes me salivate 4. How do you feel when you smell food? Even though I absolutely must eat after I smell food Even though I salivate every time I smell food, even if Im not hungry 5. How often do you think/ obsess about food? Even though Im obsessed with food Even though I think about food all day long Even though thinking about food makes me feel happy 6. Imagine yourself at your goal weight, using all your senses. Even though I dont feel comfortable weighing less Even though Im afraid of peoples reactions Even though I dont feel like myself when Im thin Even though Id rather have my protection cause I feel too exposed 7. Are you aware of how you feel in your body and mind when you overeat? Even though I dissociate when I eat Even though Im totally disconnected from my feelings when Im bingeing 8. How do you feel about yourself being overweight? Even though Im ashamed of myself for being overweight Even though everyone looks at me because Im fat Even though Im embarrassed about my body 9. How would you feel if someone took away your favorite foods? Even though I feel angry when I am deprived Even though I feel panicky when I cant eat what I want Even though I feel afraid when I dont have enough food around 10. Picture your dinner plate with small portionshow do you feel? Even though I feel anxious with small portions Even though I dont feel safe unless theres a ton of food on my plate Even though I hate feeling emptyand Im afraid to feel hungry

THE PAST

1. What events from the past make you feel anxious/ guilty/ ashamed? Even though I feel guilty about what happened when I was 14 Even though my mothers words made me feel ashamed and worthless Even though I cant forgive my third grade teacher Even though I still feel inadequate when I think of him Even though I still suffer from low self-esteem and blame it on my father (Use treatment point on index finger and tap for forgiveness of self and other) 2. What traumas from the past are you numbing with overeating? (Split into aspects and treat) Even though the memory of the car accident makes me anxious Even though my parents divorce left me fearful and self-hating Even though the childhood abuse makes me feel worthless/ less than 3. When were you given food to comfort you as a child? Even though my mother let me eat more cookies whenever I cried Even though my grandmother always overfed me to keep me quiet 4. When did you first overeat/ What feelings were you trying to cover up? Even though I remember being comforted by food after we moved Even though I turned to food after my brother died 5. When did you first use/ abuse food as a mood altering substance? Even though I used food as entertainment Even though I used food as security Even though I overate to distract myself from the pain of my mothers death Even though I overate to avoid doing homework 6. What did your family say the last time you lost weight? Even though my mother criticized me when I lost the weight Even though my father wouldnt stop t alking about it when I lost weight 7. What did your friends say the last time you reached your goal weight? Even though I dont want to be noticed by men, women, anyone 8. What losses in the past did you eat over? Even though Ive been overeating since my boyfriend dumped me Even though I have used food to numb my grief since I was 10 Even though I eat so I dont have to feel depressed inside Even though I still eat because of the rejection I felt

THE FUTURE 1. Picture yourself in the future at your goal weighthow do you feel? 2. Imagine yourself feeling anxious at a business meeting and not being able to eat. Tap for anxiety or discomfort. 3. Imagine yourself at a family gathering and not overeating. Tap for anxiety. 4. Repeat the following statements and treat with EFT if they do not feel true: (Use alternate phrasing technique) I feel safe and secure at my goal weight. I feel happy about my success. I feel confident I can maintain my weight loss. I enjoy the attention for my accomplishment. I am proud of reaching my goal. I feel peaceful in my new, thin body. 5. What other future situations might trigger the urge to overeat? Even though I know Ill eat when I approach my goal 6. What other upsides are there to staying overweight? Even though staying heavy reduces the pressure on me Even though I dont have to restrict myself 7. What other downsides are there to reaching and maintaining your goal weight? Even though I need the distraction of overeating and hating myself Even though Im afraid of disappointing myself if I regain the weight 8. Who will be angry at you if you are successful? Even though my friend will resent my success 9. Who will be jealous of your success? Even though my neighbor will be mean to me if I weigh less than 10. What would your siblings say? Even though my sister will resent my success if I reach my goal Even though my brother will still tease me if I lose weight Even though my family will (continue to) ignore me even if I lose weight 11. Who might feel betrayed if you lose weight? Even though my mother will think Im disloyal if I lose weight Even though my friends will hate me if I get thin 12. What other negative consequences will occur if you lose weight? Even though I cant afford new clothes Even though I dont want to feel the pressure of keeping the weight off Even though I wont be able to hide behind the extra pounds anymore Even though I resent having to maintain control

SELF-IMAGE 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. You can do anything you put your mind to. Where is your mind? Your subconscious mind will do everything possible to fulfill your self-image. Reality will always match your self-image. Change image, change external form. Use EFT to clear blocks to positive self-image. See it, hear it, feel it, know it, and sense it in order to achieve it. What you see is what you get. You magnetize what you vibrate (think about). Even though I have a negative body image Even though Im afraid to see myself as thin Even though I cant stop picturing myself as fat Even though I still feel hurt by being teased in school for being overweight

END-RESULT IMAGERY And if the imagination is vivid enough and detailed enough, your imagination practice is equivalent to an actual experience, insofar as your nervous system is concernedYour nervous system can not tell the difference between an imagined experience and a real experience. In either case, it reacts automatically to information which you give it from your forebrainyour nervous system reacts appropriately to what you think or imagine to be true Maxwell Maltz, PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS, 1964 1. Choose successful ending. Describe your goal. 2. Pretend/ Imagine you can see yourself having accomplished your goal. (a) See yourself from afar, as if in a mirror, and (b) see your world from inside you. 3. Imagine hearing 2 important people in your life acknowledging your reaching your goal, congratulating you, and responding to the news of your success. 4. Imagine/ Access how your body feels physically now that you reache d your goal. 5. Imagine/ Access how you feel emotionally now that you weigh your goal weight. 6. What aromas do you associate with your success? Smell them now. 7. What tastes do you associate with reaching your goal? Taste them now. 8. Put the entire picture together 3x/day to build neurology, expectations & energy.

AFFIRMATIONS/ VIBRATIONS 1. 2. 3. 4. Affirm the real want not the dont want. (Use entirely positive language) Your goal must be achievable and realistic. Affirmations must be stated in the present tense. Add as much emotion as you can to your affirmation: you will attract goal. a. Music: sing your affirmations. b. Physical sensation: use fun, fluid body movements (skip or dance). c. Write affirmations every day: write 10-20 of each.

SMOKING CESSATION PROTOCOL:

1.

Ask client to rate current urge to smoke. (Invite them to take a dry drag)

2. Apply EFT to the urge until it has subsided. Even though I have this urge to smoke Even though Im craving nicotine Even though I feel anxious and want to smoke a cigarette 3. Ask client to access and focus on their 3 favorite times of the day to smoke. 4. Apply EFT to these urges/ times of day until feelings have subsided. Even though I love to smoke in the morning with my coffee Even though I smoke to get away from everyone Even though I need to smoke after dinnerin the carafter work 5. Ask client to picture self as a non-smoker. Any feelings? Treat each with EFT. Even though I dont believe I could really be a non-smoker Even though I dont identify with non-smokers Even though Im afraid Ill fail at quitting Even though my friends might pressure me to smoke again 6. Ask client to imagine or remember having withdrawal symptoms. Even though I fear having nightmares again when I quit Even though Im afraid of physical withdrawal Even though I know I will be irritable without my cigarettes Even though I cant picture myself relaxing any other way but smoking 7. Apply EFT to any feelings of loss that emerge as a result of quitting smoking. Even though I miss my cigarettes Even though I feel I have lost a friend Even though I feel sad about quitting smoking 8. What other losses are triggered by quitting smoking? Apply EFT to each one. Even though I keep thinking about the loss of my father/ mother/ friend Even though I feel sadness about my family 9. Apply EFT to overall anxiety about quitting/ anxiety about being without. Even though I feel anxious about being a non-smoker Even though I dont believe in myself Even though Im afraid to succeedto fail Even though I feel jittery Even though I dont know what to do with my hands if I dont smoke Even though Im the only one in my family who doesnt smoke now

Paul & Layne Cutright on Using EFT for Relationships

To contact Paul & Layne go to www.emofree.com/contacts.htm

Relationship Energy Repatterning

Paul & Layne Cutright

elationship Energy Repatterning is a set of five procedures for clearing and healing chronic, negative relationship patterns. These patterns can be triggered by absolutely anything, a look, voice tone, word, gesture, etc. Once these patterns are in motion they seem to have a life of their own, issuing their predictable commands and tragic effects. Relationships of all kinds are subject to negative repetitive patterns of thought, belief, emotion and behavior. At their core, these patterns can be thought of as patterns of energy that are manifested in various ways, e.g, thoughts of suspicion and distrust, beliefs about what is right and wrong according to gender or role, feelings of betrayal or being misunderstood and unconscious destructive behaviors. Often people notice they have been caught up in a negative pattern in hindsight, declaring, Why did I do that? I know better than that! Negative relationship patterns usually begin in childhood and are reinforced over time, resulting in a chain of automatic, uncontrollable projections and reactions. When the links in these chains of energy are neutralized there is a new freedom to make wiser choices in the midst of difficult situations. The energy that is liberated from the old pattern can then be used to intentionally create your desired results. Relationship Energy Repatterning addresses these negative repetitive patterns at the causal level. When this is successful, which is over 90% of the time, the subsequent manifestations at whatever level, disappear within very few treatments. One of the prominent values of Relationship Energy Repatterning is that it is non-carthartic, non-traumatic and has no known negative side effects. The worst that can happen is that it doesnt work. Another unusual aspect of Relationship Energy Repatterning is that some of the procedures are extremely effective when done over the telephone. Relationship Energy Repatterning is effective with individuals, couples and groups. Paul and Layne Cutright are the developers of Relationship Energy Repatterning, which is a synthesis of several Energy Psychology techniques, specifically tuned for work with relationships. They have been conducting Energy Psychology trainings and using it extensively in their private practice since 1989. Energy Psychology is rapidly emerging as the leading edge of psychological thinking and practice in the field today. Layne and Paul have been in a romantic and creative partnership since 1976. They are authors of two books on relationships and numerous articles. They have conducted workshops and courses throughout the world on the distinctions and practices necessary for developing enlightened relationships. They are the founders of The Center for Enlightened Partnership, a virtual learning and resource center on the World Wide Web, which offers classes, trainings, coaching and more.
The Center for Enlightened Partnership connect@enlightenedpartners.com www.enlightenedpartners.com 760 . 730 . 0668

Relationship Energy Repatterning Procedure

The Six Parts I. II. III. IV. V. VI. Clear Challenge/Goal Change Procedure Recheck Goal Resistance Check Support Activity

Procedure I. Clear 1. 2. II. Meridian Check Hydration Check

Challenge/Goal 3. Get a SUDS level for challenge or muscle check for switched off response to goal statement: Have client declare goal statement aloud. Muscle check in sequence: This is the best goal for this system. There is more to add to this goal. All parts of this system are ready, willing & able to balance for this goal now. This system wants to use EFT, BPEF, DLR, NPB, BB.

4.

III.

Change 5. Balance for challenge/goal using change procedure of choice.

IV.

Recheck Challenge/Goal 6. Get new SUDS level for challenge or muscle check for switched on response: Have client declare goal statement aloud. (Make sure opposite of goal statement is switched off.) Muscle check for switched on response: This balance is complete.
The Center for Enlightened Partnership connect@enlightenedpartners.com www.enlightenedpartners.com 760 . 730 . 0668

7.

Relationship Energy Repatterning Procedure

V. Resistance Check 8. Muscle check: This system has resistance to fully integrating this balance immediately. If switched on, muscle check for switched on response: This system is willing to clear all resistance using (procedure of choice). Muscle check for switched on response: This system has cleared all resistance. VI. Support Activity 9. Muscle check: This system needs to do support activity for this balance. If switched on, muscle check for switched on response to any techniques you know of that may help the client integrate the work and take responsibility for integrating it into their lives. If switched off, balance is complete. Celebrate the change!!

The Center for Enlightened Partnership connect@enlightenedpartners.com www.enlightenedpartners.com 760 . 730 . 0668

General Rapport Balance

There are two ways to clear and repattern the energy flow in a relationship general or specific. When the partners come in they may have been in a dysfunctional, disharmonious energy pattern for a long time. They can hardly listen to each other speak without getting perturbed. In this situation we choose a General Rapport Balance that helps to neutralize the adversarial tenor in the relationship. Then we can gain additional information more easily after that has been done, making it easier to proceed with more specific trigger work. General Rapport Balance I. Clarify the challenge/create goal 2 ways Have each partner rate their SUDS (0 10) Muscle check for switched off response Determine change procedure II. Do Balance Recheck Goal Check SUDS Muscle check for switched on response

Have a conversation in which clients discuss the shift. What did they notice? How do they feel now? Explain that without more insight into what has caused the difficulties and without specific work on the emotional triggers, the benefit of this balance will fade over time. Encourage them to do deeper work.

The Center for Enlightened Partnership connect@enlightenedpartners.com www.enlightenedpartners.com 760 . 730 . 0668

Trigger Work
I. Have client list all their complaints and irritations about their partner, e.g., shes always late, he never picks up after himself, that look on his face, she falls asleep before I do, etc. Ask client which trigger they would like to clear first. What would bring you the most relief if it were no long present? Clarify that the goal at this time is not to get the other person to change but for them to clear the emotional upset around the issue so they are more able to inspire cooperation for change at a later time. Check trigger for SUDS (0 10) or with muscle checking. Determine change procedure (Emotional Freedom Technique, Belief Point Energy Focusing, Dennison Laterality Repatterning, New Perspective Balance, Bonding Balance). Perform procedure. Check for different aspects of trigger and clear them. Check for completion, i.e., SUDS level is 0 or switched on response with muscle checking. This balance is now complete. Discuss new choices or options if or when the trigger occurs again. Celebrate the change!

II. III.

IV. V.

VI. VII. VIII. IX. X.

The Center for Enlightened Partnership connect@enlightenedpartners.com www.enlightenedpartners.com 760 . 730 . 0668

Belief Point Statements

Self Worth (Lung Meridian) a. I yield and flow with life, I am supported in all that I do b. I have to do it all myself. Bonding (Pericardium or Circulation/Sex Meridian) a. I forgive myself & others for all wrongs in my past & I take responsibility for my own life. b. I blame myself & others for my difficulties. Unconditional Love (Heart Meridian) a. I know who I am when I love & accept myself unconditionally. b. I am a stranger to myself when I love & accept myself unconditionally. Contentment (Stomach Meridian) a. I am happy & content to be me, all my needs are always satisfied. b. My needs can never be satisfied. Letting Go (Large Intestine Meridian) a. I joyfully release the past & accept the best now & in the future. b. I hold on to all that I no longer need. Harmony (Triple Warmer Meridian) a. I am in harmony with the Universe. b. I am out of harmony with the Universe. Internalization (Small Intestine Meridian) a. I learn from all my experiences. b. I block my learning experiences. Inner Direction (Bladder Meridian) a. I am in charge of my own life. b. Other people & forces control my life. Choice Making (Gall Bladder Meridian) a. I make choices that benefit myself & others. b. I am unable to make choices that benefit myself & others. Transformation (Liver Meridian) a. I welcome & flow with changes in my life. b. I want things to stay the way they are. Reflection (Spleen Meridian) a. I relax, do my best & life is beautiful. b. It is necessary to worry in order to live. Spirit (Kidney Meridian) a. I give my whole life to Spirit & my whole Spirit to life. b. I hold back my life from Spirit & my Spirit from life.

The Center for Enlightened Partnership connect@enlightenedpartners.com www.enlightenedpartners.com 760 . 730 . 0668

Five Stages of Partnership By Paul & Layne Cutright

ll partnerships, and all relationships for that matter, go through five predictable stages. Knowing these stages is like having a map that will help you to accurately assess where you are in your partnerships, see where you have been and where you can go. This will also allow you to deal effectively with the particular concerns of the stage you are in. For example, upsets, disagreements, miscommunications and misunderstandings are a predictable, inevitable and unavoidable part of the second stage. If you dont know that, you could easily misinterpret what is going on in the relationship, make inappropriate choices and miss important learning and growth opportunities. Each stage requires a different yet overlapping set of skills. Mastering partnership is about mastering these skills.

The Center for Enlightened Partnership A Virtual Learning & Resource Center Because we are all in this together . . .

connect@enlightenedpartners.com www.enlightenedpartners.com

STAGE ONE - ATTRACTION

This stage of relationships is characterized by a fascination with another person, organization or project and a desire to learn more about them, as well as a desire to share yourself. Its fun and it feels good. This is the time when positive possibilities are sensed and explored. This is the stage people wish would last forever.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR SUCCESS IN ATTRACTION

1. Be interested, not merely interesting. 2. Look for and focus on the best in others. 3. Acknowledge/compliment others on the good you see in them and their accomplishments. 4. Help people to relax with you - put them at ease. 5. Know what the most important things are for people to know about you and weave those things into your conversations so you feel they get who you are. 6. To simply be with others without an agenda. 7. Keep your word to build trust. 8. Be authentic. 9. Look good and smell good! 10. Speech acts to learn and master:

Greeting Making requests Declining requests Making promises Making apologies High performance listening

AVOID
1. Lying. 2. Jumping to conclusions. 3. Moving too quickly into a commitment conversation. 4. Expecting people to read your mind and anticipate your conditions for satisfaction. 5. Stereotyping or categorizing.

STAGE TWO - POWER STRUGGLE

This is the stage where people start testing each other. It is one of the most difficult stages for people. Who is going to get whose way and how? Distrust from your unresolved past manifests and there is often a fear of loss of control and heavy judgments of the other person start to show up. Many relationships never move beyond this stage and many end here. This stage is really about building trust.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS
1. Know and identify your feelings. 2. Speak congruently with your emotions. 3. Communicate without blame. 4. Self-reflection - observe your thoughts, feelings and behaviors without judgment. 5. Own/take responsibility for your mistakes without self-invalidation 6. Observe your automatic interpretations of others and events. 7. Be present to someone elses upset without defense. 8. Know and articulate your requirements for trust. 9. Be able to restore trust when broken. 10. Use current upsets to resolve the past. 11. Ask for help. 12. Forgive yourself and others. 13. Make correction without invalidation. 14. Dont control others or make their choices for them. 15. Dont sacrifice - be generous. 16. Practice spiritual attunement to find the highest path. 17. Take the initiative - be responsible for your own needs. 18. Turn your complaints into requests. 19. Be clear-headed and rational while feeling intense feelings or while in the presence of others intense feelings. 20. Control your temper.

AVOID
1. Giving ultimatums. 2. Blaming others. 3. Gossiping or participating in gossip. 4. Being mean, attacking, hurtful or hypercritical. 5. Saying things youll regret.

STAGE THREE - COOPERATION

This is the stage where you learn to trust one another and to resolve upsets to your mutual satisfaction and benefit. You learn to share power and appreciate each others unique abilities and gifts. However, it is still self oriented What can I get out of this relationship? rather than What can we create with this relationship? Beware of false cooperation in which one person acquiesces to the other in order to keep the peace. This is still Power Struggle, only in a more subtle form.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS
1. Know and articulate the essence of your desires. 2. Expand your capacity for compassion. 3. Read others emotions. 4. Assess trustworthiness in others and assume trust rather than suspicion. 5. Inspire high level of trust from others. 6. Care deeply about others. 7. Feel connected with others. 8. Generate enthusiasm. 9. Find and define a common path. 10. Know and articulate how others affect you, e.g., their losing/winning, problems/thriving. 11. Make choices for long-term gain - overcome the need for instant gratification. 12. Competency with creation techniques, e.g., visualization, goal setting, etc. 13. Know and articulate your changing conditions for satisfaction. 14. Neutralize competition while inspiring cooperation. 15. Ability to articulate higher path, especially during stress. 16. Be diplomatic and cordial even when worried, upset and during stress. 17. Facilitate conversations for:

Speculation and possibility Planning and design Commitment and action

AVOID
1. Making assumptions. 2. Sacrifice - it always leads to resentment. 3. Withholding important communication out of fear.

STAGE FOUR - SYNERGY

This is the stage where there is a realization of a power greater than that of each individual. There is also a commitment to a specified focus and use of the power. Extraordinary satisfaction, intimacy, and a deep sense of mutual trust, empowerment and ease characterize this stage. It is a highly creative, high performance relationship. It also possesses a high level of acknowledgment and appreciation. The relationship emanates joy and power in this stage.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS
1. Regenerate creativity. 2. Balance work and play. 3. Be alert to and neutralize complacency. 4. Fine tune and evolve specific talents. 5. Dance and surrender during the times of chaos before new beginnings. 6. Let go of ego and attachments. 7. Be as committed to the larger process you are involved in as you are to your own individual part. 8. Practice letting the relationship breathe. 9. Anticipate temporary Power Struggle when you uplevel commitment and prepare for it.

AVOID
1. Taking the relationship and people for granted. 2. Becoming overly intoxicated with the glory of synergy and get out of balance in your life. 3. Expecting synergy to last without nurturing the relationship.

STAGE FIVE - COMPLETION

This is a stage many people fear and avoid dealing with altogether. There are four ways relationships can be completed: drifting apart, expulsion/ejection, conscious completion or death. Sometimes completion is only about changing the form of the relationship, not necessarily the end of the relationship altogether.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS
1. Accept and flow with change. 2. Acknowledge and integrate the value and learning from the relationship. 3. Spiritual attunement. 4. Own up to mistakes without self-invalidation. 5. Make apologies. 6. Redefine your common path - change form. 7. Articulate the highest spiritual thought about the relationship. 8. Know what you need to feel complete. 9. Generate a safe space and a conversation to make sure everything that needs to be said or done to feel complete is communicated in a spirit of love and dignity for all parties concerned. 10. Allow for a healthy expression of fear, anger, grief or any other emotion.

AVOID
1. Feeling victimized. 2. Taking things too personally. 3. Resisting change. 4. Misperceiving that others are the source of your good or happiness.

Lori Lorenz, MA on Using EFT for Sexual Trauma

To contact Lori go to www.emofree.com/contacts.htm

EFT IN HEALING SEXUAL ABUSE Lori Lorenz, MA

If you work with people in EFT healing as a practitioner of any sort, even with just your friends, youre almost sure to run into sexual abuse in some form. The percentages quoted for sexual abuse vary wildly. Ive heard them run from 25% to as much as 90%+ depending on the definitions which can be as limited as only penetration to as broad as counting sexual innuendo and suggestive looks. And those figures refer primarily to abuse of girls - the numbers for boys are so under reported that we have no idea how pervasive it is. I can tell you, though, from my own experience, that it is unquestionably and seriously under reported and that the damage is often dismissed as a boys just having been lucky enough to have gotten some at an early age. What really matters, however, is not so much the acts themselves, as the effect on the child and how the child feels about her/himself afterward. And this depends tremendously on how they are treated after the eve nt, i.e. threatened, shamed, ignored, believed, protected, or handed over for more of the same. Thats an important factor in any of lifes experiences but the effects of sexual abuse are ones which seem to penetrate especially deeply into a childs psyche. We form our perceptions of ourselves and the world so early in life that the violation of sexual abuse can change the core assumptions of our lives at such a deep level that ferreting out those core beliefs can be especially tricky without some mapping of the possibilities. So today, Im going to try to share with you some of the mapping of the core issues which can arise as a result of sexual abuse. Please note that the approaches presented here are applicable most often to girls being abused by male perpetrators. There are whole other sets of issues which can apply to girls and boys being molested by female perpetrators and boys as molested by males. Youre less likely to run to run into these situations, though. However, if you do, please feel free to contact me and Ill help you with them. Abuse With Memory: Most often youll encounter people with at least a recollection of their abuse. Well look at retrieving memories a bit later. It often depends on what age the abuse occurred as to how much is in body memory only (as when the abuse occurred before the age of talking) and how much is cognitively remembered. You can find people throughout the full range of appearing almost causal about it to being in full abreaction (in total body and emotional re-experiencing of the trauma and out of touch with their current surroundings). I have several ways of approaching the issue depending on what my client tells me at the beginning. If theyre ready to dive in, we can go right into the experience. More often, though, and especially if they havent done work on it before, theres some fear of touching on the experience. Thats when the following set- up phrases can be helpful. (Each phrase is followed by I deeply and completely love and accept myself noted by ...)

Even though Im terrified to feel what happened to me... Even though Im ashamed to tell anyone what happened to me... Even though I m afraid of what will happen to me if I tell on him...

The Silencing: This beginning process will often reveal what the abuser did to silence your client as a child. It can range from threats of death or torture to the child, her or his family or pet, to informing the child that they will not be believed and will be punished or ostracized by their family. Take that information and do some rounds with it. It could run along the lines of: Even though he said hed kill me/my sister/mother/puppy... Even though she said shed through me out in the street and everyone would know... Even though he said hed go to jail and wed all starve and it would be my fault... Even though she said I was a tramp anyway and no one would believe me...

An Overall Reframe: Once these fears of going into what happened are relieved and youre sure your client feels safe enough, you can go forward. I always let my client lead in what we address next - theyve spent so much time already feeling powerless and violated around this issue that I feel it important that they be in complete control of what we address and when. Unless my client has a pressure to go into the experience at that point, it can be helpful to do some reframing of the abuse as a whole. Often children believe theyve done something to bring on the abuse and this childhood tendency to believe theyre responsible for whatever happens in the world is used by many sexual offenders to silence children and to make them feel its their fault. In non-violent abuse, there is often a seduction phase during which the offender befriends the child (if a stranger) or begins introducing sexual overtones if the offender is known. This is often a confusing phase for children because pleasant experiences are being mingled with uncomfortable feelings. A child can be manipulated into feeling theyve agreed to what is happening and so are guilty and therefore bad. During this phase, a child may know somethings wrong but never have a clear cut enough action to say no to until it seems too late.

Setup phrases like these can begin to alleviate the presumed guilt, along with your clearly stating that it is NEVER a childs fault that abuse occurs. Explaining this seduction phase can help greatly in laying the groundwork for the reframe. Even though I though it was my fault... Even though he said it was my fault... Even though he said I was irresistible so it must have been my fault... Even though it seemed I agreed to it... Even though I couldnt say no... Even though I was too weak/worthless/stupid to say no... Even though people arent supposed to molest children but I was bad enough to be molested...

The Experience: When there is at least noticeable relief from the guilt of deserving or being responsible for causing the abuse, going into some key events can become the means of shifting the whole trauma from a constantly threatening memory to simply one of the memories of the past. My goal is always to avoid or at least minimize distress for my clients. For this, I may use Garys Tearless Trauma Technique (TTT) to begin the process if my client is still fearful of the events. Or if theyre willing, we can go right into an event. A couple of ways of doing this are (1) to keep referring to the event (the time dad raped me in the bathroom) in increasing detail, or (2) to go through the event step by step. This second way involves recounting the event in tiny slices of time and if theres any distress, doing a round of EFT with the particular sensation, movement, fear, reaction, thought, whatever it may be. Some phrasing for these processings might be: (1) Referring to the event in increasingly more specific phrasing as the charge on it diminishes: Even though he did that to me in the bathroom... Even though he touched me in the bathroom... Even though dad hurt me in the bathroom... Even though dad raped me in the bathroom... Even though dad raped me on the floor of the bathroom...

(2) Slices of the abuse event going through time: Even though I knew it was coming when he looked at me that way... Even though I was so scared and I wanted to hide when it got close to bedtime... Even though I was terrified to go to sleep because he might come in and wake me...

Even though I was terrified when I heard the door knob turn... Even though I couldnt move when he stood by my bed... Even though I felt myself go numb when he leaned over... Even though I wanted to die when he touched me... Even though I felt myself go into the wallpaper when I smelled his breath...

Confusing Love and Abuse: For all too many, sexual abuse occurred at the hands of a family member upon whom the child was dependent for his or her survival and affection. This is terribly confusing for children as the source of their nurturing is the same as the source of their suffering. The result is the blending of love and abuse, love and pain, which carries forward into adult relationships. The frustrating repeating of abusive relationships which seem to start off so well, the cycle of tolerating criticism, rejection, battering, even rape in marriages all in the hope of those moment s of tenderness are the heartbreaking result of this seeming blindness to the cues in a potential mate. This blindness, I believe, is the result of the confusion or blending of pain and pleasure. Human bodies are hardwired to experience pleasure with sexual stimulation and a childs body will respond as any human body. The coupling of this response with the shame, fear, and too often physical pain becomes very confusing for a child, and then, paradoxically, it becomes a kind of normal association - normal only because thats what the experience is for the child. Then, because of this association, which feels like normal background noise in life, the adult seems blind to those qualities in a potential partner which are similar to their abuser. Coupled with assumptions of ones worthlessness, an abused person is then set up to fall into abusive relationship after abusive relationship, even when that abuse is only at subtle emotional levels. Helping your client understand this in a non-shaming, non-blaming manner is powerful in setting the stage for the releasing of this pattern. When one understands that children can only draw their conclusions from their experiences and the input from their surroundings, it becomes naturally understandable how ones life pattern originated and the road to healing can open. It then becomes a process of carefully looking at those patterns and assumptions to uncover whats working in the background and doing EFT rounds using the clients own phrasing. Some introductory setup phrasing which can help anchor this understanding and separate the internal experiences of pain and pleasure might be: Even though I thought he loved me... Even though I thought he loved me when he hurt me... Even though I thought love was supposed to hurt...

Even though I didnt know love didnt have to hurt... Even though it seemed he had a right to talk to me that way and do those things to me... Even though I was afraid to say no... Even though I thought hed hurt me if I said no... Even though hell leave me if I say no... Even though I believe Im nothing without him... Even though I had to put up with his abuse for my survival, I no longer have to do that... Even though Ive relived the abuse in my relationships, I can now choose to refuse the pain... Even though I didnt know I had a choice, I can now take a stand for my happiness... I now choose safety and joy in my relationships...

Sexual Abuse With Violence: Oddly enough, it is sometimes easier to heal abuse which has been uncaring and violent. Though the body memories can be very difficult, there is not the confusion as to whether or not the perpetrator is a loveable person or whether the childs experience of love was mixed with abuse, or whether one should feel guilty fo r ratting on the abuser. The perpetrator is the bad guy and thats that. Then the work is with the pain, the terror, and the sexuality mixed together and anger at the perpetrator is relatively easy to access. However, when love/affection and violence are mixed in the sexual abuse, it can be a tricky soup. Fortunately there is much more support available today for women - and men, too - who are physically abused in adult relationships that mirror their childhood experience. Physical safety must be the first concern and action taken in these situations. Using EFT to support the move for safety can be a real asset in assisting that difficult break. Too often when the sexual abuse involves violence, there is also serious verbal abuse. The little girl who is repeatedly called a whore while being raped has little choice but to believe shes at fault, dirty, guilty, deserving of what is occurring. When working with this area of sexual abuse, its important to keep holding the space for your client to come to a larger perspective and stay calm for them. Asking your client to picture a child of similar age to their own at the time of their abuse, then asking them if that child could possibly be at fault if they were molested or raped can help them come closer to feeling compassion for themselves rather than blame and shame (this applies equally to non-violent abuse as well). The following setups can then help: Even though I was helpless... Even though I was terrified of his violence... Even though I didnt know what to do... Even though he beat me/raped me/strangled me... Even though I thought he would kill me... Even though I knew he could kill me...

Even though he called me a whore... Even though he called me a whore, I was much too young to go out on the street at night... (This setup is looking for a humorous response - use phrasing like this only when you sense the shifting beginning - this helps show up the absurdity of calling a child a whore and can rapidly defuse the intensity into laughter when it lands right. Take your time and trust yourself in learning the timing.) Then taking the tiny slices of an event, step by step, using the Tearless Trauma Technique if needed, will greatly facilitate the relief. Usually it takes only a small number of incidents for large areas and types of abuse to clear and each area that clears speeds the clearing of the next as the trust in the healing process deepens and the reservoir of uncleared suffering lessens.

Memories - What You Dont Know Can Hurt You: Despite all the publicity regarding the False Memory Syndrome group and accusations of planted memories and practitioners agendas, there are truly many people whose only way of dealing with their abuse was to isolate the memory. Unfortunately, it doesnt appear that we humans can completely box up and lock away profound experiences like sexual abuse. I havent known one of those boxes yet which didnt leak in some way or another, too often in unexplained unhappy relationships, disconcerting reactions to things which seemed normal to others, unusual and sometimes frightening body sensations (body memories), drug abuse (numbing the memories), fear of sexuality or sexual acting out, and chronic unexplainable illnesses. Many who have unretrieved memories live with a nagging fear of some unknown part of themselves, a limiting, saddening or frightening feeling that something is wrong with them or that something bad is lurking within them and they dare not find out what it is. I never tell a person that I believe theyve been molested. The most Ive rarely asked is if theyve ever wondered about molest and then I take a very neutral position. To me, its not so important whether or not it actually happened, but what my client believes and feels. More often than not, however, if there are buried memories, my client will bring up the topic and we can begin to explore. Interestingly, for some it is just as scary to have the abuse corroborated as it is to have to live with not knowing for sure. There is usually quite a bit of fear around the possibility that abuse occurred. Often the fear is that Ill be one of those victims and my whole identity will shift - who will I be then, what will people think of me? Again, I take the position that it doesnt matter whether or not its true, but if it is, wouldnt it be better to be able to clear it and have a freer, more loving life? If its not true, trying on the possibility with some EFT may uncover whats really been influencing their relationships (or whatever the issue is that brought them in), and then they can know for sure that it didnt happen. Either way, peace of mind is the ultimate offering.

Retrieving Memories: The first step I usually encounter is addressing the fear of finding out. Most often, when that fear is explored, the memories begin to arise. There is no set order to the way they arise. It may be the worst first, it may be a trickle of clues, it may be the whole thing at once. Its very individual and part of the mystery of the psyche and its way of protecting the child. The following can be very helpful. Even though Im afraid to find out... Even though Im terrified of these dark feelings, this dark secret in me... Even though Im terrified I may have been molested... Even though Im terrified that if I was molested, I may be really sick or crazy since I cant remember it... Even though I afraid that if its true, Ill have to tell and everyone will hate me or leave me... Even though Im terrified that if I remember, Ill have to face the one who did it... Even though Im terrified that if I remember, it will hurt more... Even though Im grateful for my memory loss and I know it protected me all this time, Im now ready to know and heal whatever happened to me... Even though Im afraid of what I might have to do if I know what happened, I trust myself to do whats right for me and at the right time...

Anger: One of the first things I watch for in the healing process is anger. Anger is a very good sign that the shift is occurring from feeling like the child who was the victim to moving toward the adult who sees the whole picture. Anger can also be very helpful in energizing and reversing the helplessness which often becomes deeply entrenched in one who has been repeatedly overwhelmed. So I actually get a bit excited when I see that flare in the eye and maybe even a bit of name calling. When the anger arises cleanly, continue processing it as well - there are more layers to go through but this is a major landmark. The following may help. Even though Im furious with him - how could he do that!... (Let some name calling fill in here, too, if theyre willing. Thats something s/he probably never got to do, at least not out loud.) Even though hes a (blankety-blank)... Even though Id like to do the same to him/tear him limb from limb/or any other angry expression...

If you run into resistance to expressing anger, it may be that anger itself is terrifying for your client. For some, there are strong family taboos against expressing any form of anger - that they are a bad person if the do so. Or it may have been their experience that any show of resistance in their abuse resulted in severe punishment or threats or, even more devastating for a child, the injuring of someone else. There may also be fear that if they become angry, their anger will know no bounds, that they will become just like their abuser and will inflict the same pain and destruction they endured, that they will lose who they are.

Even though Im terrified of my rage - if I express it, Im a terrible, awful person and no one will love me... Even though Im terrified of his/her rage - s/hell get me/kill me/hurt me/hate me/hyrt them... Even though I have no idea what s/hell do to me, but I know they can get me, even from the grave... Even though Im absolutely terrified that if I let this rage out, Ill destroy everyone, Ill mow people down with an uzie, Ill rip him to shreds, Ill destroy myself... Even though this rage feels like a raging flood that will cover the earth... Even though Im afraid all my humanity will go away if I let this anger out and Ill hate myself... Even though Im terrified that if I let myself feel this anger, Ill find out Im just like him, that Ill abuse just like him... Even though I believed these feelings were so huge I could never control them... Its important to talk with your client about these feelings and let her/him know that they are completely normal responses to injury and oppression and that they only feel huge and overwhelming because theyve been stuffed in a box and been feared all this time. When theyre aired out and given voice, they dont have to be acted on or stuffed back in the box, nor do they have to be dwelled upon. They can be released and moved through.

Forgiveness: Forgiveness is a tricky word. There is so much insistence that abused people forgive their abusers in order to heal that it can become an oppression in and of itself if it is pushed too soon. The expectation can make it almost impossible to go through the important phase of recognizing, voicing, and releasing the anger, after which the shift naturally happens. Also, for many, the word forgiveness implies that its OK that someone abused them, that a perpetrator is no longer held accountable for their actions. Unless a discussion shows my clients preference for the word, I most often use the word release when referring to the abuse or the abuser. Ill use the word forgive mostly when looking at self- forgiveness, i.e. forgiving oneself for not having the tools of an adult when they were three years old, an unrealistic expectation we often place on ourselves as children. In that case, its more to show the absurdity of those impossible expectations - like asking a child to run a large corporation. A child is simply not developed enough either neurologically or psychologically to handle such a situation. Same with managing the complex adults in the ir early lives.

Even though Ive held onto this experience all these years, I deeply and completely forgive myself for not having the tools to deal with it when I was three/twelve/before now and not knowing how to clear it until now... Even though he abused me terribly, I now choose to release him to his own path... Even though Ive suffered all these years from what she did to me, I choose now to reclaim my own life and follow my own path of healing and love...

Self-Trust, The Root of Peace and Safety: What I most often find to be at the core of the wounding from abuse is the loss of trust in self - actually what I really mean is trust in Self. In fact, I find this is at the core of all our human suffering, but well stick with sexual abuse for now. When a childs natural sense of beingness and Self-centeredness are overwhelmed by a larger persons agenda, power, and strong emotions, a child has to set aside their own sense of the world in order to simply survive. It can range from complete physical and emotional overwhelm and domination to a parents continually telling the child how to think and feel to even more subtle intrusions than that. Children seem to know instinctively that pleasing their caregivers is an absolute must if they are to stay alive. And staying alive is hardwired into the human brain that old survival instinct has more subtle layers to it than just running from the sabre toothed tiger. So with sexual abuse, a childs sense of the world gets sharply altered. There is now a secret painful world and people outside oneself are the ones in control; and their rules are often changeable and unpredictable. The attention has to shift to out there to find the best way to minimize the fear and pain. When working with the person whose childhood had these elements (which includes most people to some degree, in my experience), a reframing of the responsibility becomes essential. Most children feel it is their responsibility to find a way to adequately please the adults in their lives and often assume that if things didnt go well, they were to blame. The conclusions depend on the emotional flavor in the household, and perhaps as well with the childs temperament. But they can range from guilt, shame, fear, to feelings of total worthlessness and the deserving of punishment. If youve come this far with your client, you probably have a pretty good idea of how this has shown up for them and have probably cleared a good deal of it already with the EFT. Now its time to help them refocus and access their own inner knowing, their inner guidance. Its a gradual process, but EFT can be powerful in opening the doorway to testing that knowing and relearning how to hear it. If you have heard some incidences when your client knew something, even if it was knowing when it was going to happen, or that knowing that something was wrong about what was happening, then you have a pathway already to helping them find that sense. If not, look for some situation in their life when they did have that sense of knowing what to do. Its not something that can be taught rotely. It has to be experienced. But I dont believe theres a person alive who hasnt felt it at one time or another. The problem is the conditioned respons e of ignoring or putting down that felt sense of knowing as meaningless or even dangerous.

Even though they told me not to trust myself... Even though they punished me for listening to myself... Even though if I listen to myself, they cant control me, and that might scare them... Even though listening to myself means freedom...

Even though listening to myself might not be perfect at first, Im willing to give it a try... Even though listening to myself might mean I get to/have to say no to someone... Even though listening to myself means I get to/have to stand up for myself, protect myself...

Boundaries: A key piece to supporting the healing is learning to set boundaries. Especially in sexual abuse, the early violation of basic physical space as personal as ones body promotes a deep conclusion that boundaries either dont exist or are futile. Most abused people have a difficult time setting boundaries in a comfortable manner and at an early point in an interaction with another person. If boundaries are set, theyre usually not set until the intrusion is so close that only fear of survival in some sense (psychological or physical) overrides the fear of countering the invader. And there are plenty of people in this world who will invade or impose their wishes as long as you dont say no. So people who grew up experiencing their boundaries being trampled often feel that people take advantage of them or use them or, perhaps, feel theyre always having to be angry at others in order to stop them. When we first start to establish boundaries, its quite normal for the attempts to fluctuate from a whisper to a roar. Like learning to drive a stick shift car, its a little jerky at first and letting your client know to have compassion for themselves is a great gift. Theyll probably step on some toes and probably get stepped on again in the old way, but thats OK. Help them go back and do it again. With support and feedback and the generous use of EFT, a good sense will evolve. It also doesnt matter when in an interaction or relationship your client realizes their boundaries have been violated. Whenever its realized, they can simply act then even if it means going back and finding that person and speaking up. With practice, the recognition will occur earlier and earlier. Eventually, boundaries - that is, knowing what is OK for you and what is not and being perfectly willing to enforce it - become such a natural sense of oneself, that it is seldom that anyone even tries to cross them. And often then, just a humorous reminder is all thats required. People instinctively read and respond to a person who has good boundaries, a good sense of themselves. Here are a few samples which might help.

Even though Im afraid to say no before theyve got me boxed in... Even though Im afraid theyll think Im rude/mean/a bitch/bossy... Even though Im afraid they wont love me if I say no or not now... Even though its hard for me to tell when theyre starting to walk on me... Even though I get so angry when they ignore what matters to me... Even though the only way I feel I can protect myself is to get angry... Even though I get angry at myself for letting them get to me so much when I dont speak up...

Self-Care for the Practitioner: Working with sexual abuse has the potential for producing trauma in the care-giver themselves. Its shocking to realize the reality of horrors which humans can inflict on each other and particularly so when the victims are children. Ive heard recountings which make the worst horror movies pale in comparison - planned, organized, intentional horrors. If there is such a thing as evil, these qualify. Its so important that those of us who are called to help in our planets healing of this illness of abuse take strong care of ourselves. Its also important that we monitor whats going on inside as we listen to these events. If theres any triggering of emotional reaction other than peaceful compassion and love, take the time to note it to yourself during the session and definitely follow up after the session to process your reaction. Working with others can be a wonderful gift in showing up what we have left to clear in ourselves, but it is our responsibility to do that clearing once its revealed to prevent burnout and trauma to ourselves. That way, we can come to recognize moment to moment during the session whats ours and whats theirs. Whats theirs can be met with love and compassion, the emotional energy of it can flow through or past us without a hook for us, and it can be released without harm. Virtually all my sessions now leave me in a higher, more energized, more joyous state than before; but it wasnt always like that. Taking good care of myself and knowing the road of healing have been huge factors. Now the rapidity of processing with EFT has brought me a confidence in the shortened healing timetable that has helped so many more people stick out the process and find the joy and freedom that healing offers. That has bumped everything up to the level of absolute joy!

Theres truly light at the end of the tunnel - and its not another train!

Ann Adams, LCSW on

Using EFT for Emotionally Disturbed Children AND Getting EFT Accepted by Institutions

To contact Ann go to www.emofree.com/contacts.htm

IDEAS FOR INTRODUCING EFT to Emotionally Disturbed Children

Remember to:
1. Treat the child with respect and dignity. 2. Let them sense your admiration for their courage in keeping on keeping on in the face of at times unbelievable adversity. These children are truly doing the best they can. 3. Totally focus on the child. Total focus really draws them. These children are unusually sensitive to inattentiveness. They have known lots of rejection and generally are hungry for total attention from another person. 4. Establish rapport. Rapport is about having the child feel comfortable with you. Rapport is not about having a relationship or trust those take time. Rapport is about having the child feel in some way you are like him or her. Sometimes establishing rapport is as simple and quick as matching their facial expression or body position. 5. Take a playful approach. Get creative; think outside the box. 6. Let your clinical judgment guide you in what to say (Use the Get yourself out of the way concept). Congruency is critical. What you say and do and feel must match. 7. Always tap with the child. Keep tapping as they talk. 8. Never touch the child without their permission. 9. Make EFT theirs, when possible have them write down the steps on a card or notebook. If unable to write, draw pictures with/for them. Tie EFT to something familiar to them (i.e. other ways they relax and get comfort.) 10. Answer their questions about the process honestly. They dont usually ask. Only give as much information as they ask for and can understand given their developmental level. 11. Take care of yourself.

Phraseology is infinite. Some suggestions:

I know a way to calm you down quickly. This is a way to calm you down so you can think more clearly about your problem. I know something that is a little weird that could help your feelings. You look like you can handle weird. Want to try it? I know a trick to get over being mad like that (snap fingers) I know this cool way to stop being upset in a hurry. Energy 4 Kids ? Ann Adams, LCSW P.O. Box 884 Rome, GA 30162 energy4k@bellsouth.com page 1

I know a way tha t can fix being upset very quickly. Its kinda different. I bet you never saw it before. I can see you are really worried about this; want to try something that could make you less worried? Ya know, I have this really great way to stop being upset. I usually use it with adults, but sometimes I teach it to kids too. I guess you are old enough. I have this really great way to stop being upset. Are you game to try it; it is sort of strange? Can you handle strange? I know a new relaxation exercise that works quickly most all the time. It doesnt take very long to do. Want to try it for that problem? This is a new exercise that came out of California. Kind of slow in getting to this area. Youd be one of the first to try it. Looks like you are all out of energy. If you tap right here we could see if we can bring back your energy. I have this little relaxation exercise you can use. You dont have to tell me what is bothering you. I have a way you can get over it and not even tell me what it was. You are totally in control and dont have to say anything. You can chose to be upset only when YOU want to be upset. I want to teach you something that you can use anytime YOU want to stop being upset.

Even though set-up statements are simple: Use their words.

If you have a VERY good idea of what else may be going on, add your guess (and it is a guess), to the second or third time. But you cant go wrong using just what they tell you. Vary the wording of: I deeply and completely accept myself. Some other ideas: There is a good person in me. I am a super kid. Im a really good kid. I want to love and accept myself. I am a marvelous person. I am wonderful. I am generous and kind. I like myself. God loves me. Mother/father/etc. loves me (when they do). Energy 4 Kids ? Ann Adams, LCSW P.O. Box 884 Rome, GA 30162 energy4k@bellsouth.com page 2

Teaching EFT to Kids

Handout for parents, teachers and residential staff

1. The first step is to THINK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM. If the child is already upset you can skip this part as it is obvious the child is thinking about the issue or feeling. However, explaining this step is important in teaching this exercise to children so that they understand they have to tune in to the particular issue they want to work on. Explain that: This exercise will calm you down and help you think more clearly about your problem. If you learn this exercise you can be upset only when YOU chose to be upset. 2. Now we want to know how upset you are. For younger children use out-stretched arms to measure how upset the child is. Use hands in a prayer position indicating no upset. With some children you can use your own arms out to measure and let the child nod when you reach the right amount of upset. Older children have no problem with telling you on a 0 to 10 scale how upset they are, but even some of the older children respond well to your outstretched arms for measurement. It seems to help them get into it better with your participation. 3. OK, the first step is to tap the side of your hand. Show them by using your hand as an example to tap on the fatty side of the hand. Be sure to tap the side of the hand rather than banging the hand on something. You can tell the child it is called the Karate Chop spot. This spot can also be introduced as the friendly spot as that is where you touch another persons hand when you shake hands to show you are friendly. ? Make a set-up statement such as: Even though I have this problem, I am a super kid, (or, I am a good person or, I deeply and completely accept myself, etc.) It does not seem to matter whether the child says the words or you say the words for them. (If a child has a particularly bad self image use a slight variation: I want to accept myself.) Some kids say that tapping the karate spot is calming all by itself. Use your judgement about using the set up statements; it depends on the kid and/or the situation. Set up statements are a great help to get in touch with what is really going on, but are not absolutely necessary to significantly calm the child. Suspicious and oppositional children are rarely willing to use the setups. EFT Short Cut:
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. First tapping point. Use three or four fingers and tap between the eyebrows. ` (Tap about seven times.) Second point. Use two fingers of both hands and tap on the bony part under both eyes. (Tap about seven times.) Third point. Used a closed fist to the chest just below and to the left of the throat for the collarbone spot. (About seven times.) Can cross arms and tap both sides. Fourth point. Tap under both arms. This is like giving a yourself a hug. Wrap arms around your body and pat under both arms about a palm width below the armpit. For younger children you can call this the monkey spot and have them tap with each hand under the same arm. They get a kick out of this! (Tap about seve n times.) Repeat this exercise three times for a particular problem or until the upset goes away. Sometimes when one problem is calmed another related problem comes up and the child must repeat the process for the second problem.

6.

The above exercise using the short cut is very effective (80% +) for anxiety or upsetting situations.

Energy 4 Kids ? Ann Adams, LCSW P.O. Box 884 Rome, GA 30162 energy4k@bellsouth.com

Page 1

John Diamond, an Australian psychiatrist, proposed that each point was related to a different emotion. Whether that is true or not, kids really seem to like relating a point to a feeling or a part of the body. Incorporating this into EFT adds interest in the process for some children. (E.g. side of hand = sadness/ small intestine; eyebrow = trauma/ bladder; eye = anxiety/stomach; collarbone = insecurity/ kidney; arm = fear of the future/spleen.) In doing this exercise with children use varying language and keep it fun and light-hearted. Repetitive rounds of EFT get boring to some children. Add in the finger points for variety after the child is calmer but when more work needs to be done. Also use the nine gamut to vary the exercise. Tap using all of the EFT points. Use the sore spot instead of the gamut spot. Tap the thymus with all five fingers. Some children prefer to TAB Touch and Breathe. Varying how you do the exercise keeps it interesting. When teaching it to a child have him or her write the steps down themselves to increase their ownership in the process. Let them name the process themselves. 1. If the child feels bad about what happened or feels responsible or guilty tell them to: Tap on the body side of the fingernail on the index finger. Tell the child: This is the guilty finger. Tapping it helps to make the bad feeling inside go away. If the child is willing, try adding the forgiveness exercise. While tapping on the index finger have them say three times: I forgive myself; I was doing the best I could. 2. If the child is angry about what happened tell them: Tap on the body side of the fingernail on the little finger. This is the angry finger. Tapping it helps make the angry feelings go away. If the child is willing continue the forgiveness exercise, have them say three times while tapping: I forgive my friend/mother/father/ teacher/staff/etc. They were doing the best they could. If the child wont buy that or is not ready just have them say: I forgive; they were just being a jerk and that is what jerks do. 3. Explain to the child that EFT can be used any time he/she is upset about anything. The exercise helps the child calm down quickly so that he/she can think more clearly about solutions to the situation. It is sometimes amazing to watch the solutions that come to the child after tapping or TABbing. Help the child problem solve and plan what to do next to resolve the problem. Encourage the child to teach others. Have him/her practice teaching you. 4. Tap or Tab along with the child. It calms YOU down too! Use EFT for any of your own upsets. Try tapping on the way home from work about the aggravations of your day. You will be calm, ready to meet the issues at home and be more emotionally available to your family. And dont forget to tap for any aggravation the child may cause you!! 5. Complex problems involving many layers of trauma or behaviors such as temper tantrums require much repetition. Make it a part of the daily routine. Use for tucking in at night. Use after school for concerns of the day that may reflect earlier traumas. Use in the morning if nervous about any activity of the day. Use any, and every time, the child starts to become upset. Remember: a. IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM TO WORK ON b. TUNE IN TO THE FEELING OR PROBLEM c. IDENTIFY ANY NEW ASPECTS d. USE IT FOR EVERYTHING and be creative in your approaches e. PERSISTANCE COUNTS KEEP AT IT f. MAKE IT A ROUTINE PART OF THE DAY This is just one way to practice EFT. See Gary Craigs web site at www.emofree.com .

Energy 4 Kids ? Ann Adams, LCSW P.O. Box 884 Rome, GA 30162 energy4k@bellsouth.com

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GETTING EFT ACCEPTED BY INSTITUTIONS TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW 1. The definition of bureaucrat 2. The concept of equilibration being right is frequently irrelevant.

3. The difference between accommodation and assimilation.

4. The hierarchy of needs Maslow was wrong.

5. The difference in the governing structure and the informal power structure.

6. The level of flexibility in small verses large agencies.

7. The critical nature of networking often its who you know.

8. The importance of speaking their language.

9. The secret about CE applications its doable. 10. The fun of proselytizing.
Energy 4 Kids ? Ann Adams, LCSW P.O. Box 884 Rome, GA 30162 energy4k@bellsouth.com

GETTING EFT ACCEPTED BY INSTITUTIONS THE TEN WHATS ADMINISTRATORS WANT TO KNOW

What are the benefits to the agency? What are your credentials and/or experience? What is your credibility? What other program/agency like theirs have used EFT? What were the results? What research is available? What relationship does EFT have to other techniques? What do other administrators in similar settings think of it? What would it cost, and how long would it take, to train staff? What kind of plan would make EFT best fit into their agency?

Energy 4 Kids ? Ann Adams, LCSW P.O. Box 884 Rome, GA 30162
energy4k@bellsouth.com

Secrets of getting an application approved for Continuing Education Credits ** ** ** ** ** It is their game, use their rules. (And their language) Tie your topic to psychotherapy, recognize the research Follow ALL directions; show credibility and professionalism. Fill in all the sections completely Leave no blanks Review and tighten up language - read it out loud to assure no errors.

Title Eye catching title is for the public - the subtitle is for the reviewer. Use active words. Be short, clear. Get the person curious enough to read the rest of the information, your description. Example for presentation to the UN: Cross Cultural Leading Edge Healing. Description The description for attendees. Make it alluring and benefit oriented. Be enthusiastic but without gushing. Goal is to get person excited to attend using a minimum of superlatives. In 50 words or less answer the question: Whats in it for them? You want them to identify with what you are offering. Generate excitement and informed consent.
Note: The following wording was used by David Grudermeyer to get CEs approved for psychologists in California to attend a two day workshop on energy therapies: Novel and experimental adaptations of already recognized methods in physical treatment that are mind-body interventions and cross culturally based.

Abstract Abstract has the technical purpose of impressing the reviewer. You know how to talk the jargon of the field. Tone should read like a technical journal. It should have as much technical wording as possible and still be coherent. The only audience for the abstract is the reviewer. You want him/her to say: I may not understand this but it appears to have theoretical and/or research underpinnings to it and seems like it will have clinical relevance to someone in my field even if it is not relevant to me. An abstract is totally dry and technical and uses language that only a reviewer will want to see. Example: A fast paced overview of the neuro-emotional technique that synthesizes muscle testing, Korzybskis semantic responses, Freuds repetition compulsion, emotional neuro-peptide theory, emotion meridian correlations, reflex testing and memory dynamics. Could add as applied to multi cultural counseling in a mind body context. Or Transpersonal psychological approach to alleviate psychological suffering. Explicitly tie intervention being taught into the practice of psychotherapy. Your presentation must tie back to the psychotherapeutic process. Remember the purpose of CE approval is to protect the public by assuring practitioners have therapeutic competencies. Make no unprofessional claims of benefit that cannot be verified by empirical research. You could call these approaches: Experimental and novel adaptations of complementary or integrative medicine approaches that are being investigated for treating psychologically based issues. Think like your audience. Note: Another Grudermeyer
example taken from his ACEP presentation, Getting on the Same Page: This presentation provides a comprehensive overview of the energy psychology field through the use of two teaching charts: the Energy Psychology lineage tree and the continuum of energy field disturbances. Attendees learn how different psychology interventions are related to each other and the western and eastern lineages from which these methods derive, the key forbearers and innovators in this field and the range of energy disturbances that various energy therapies are believed to treat.

Objectives Too many people do not know how to write objectives. Objectives are benefits turned into quantifiable behaviors that can be evaluated by a post test. Select objectives that can be easily changed into a post test question; something you can certify quickly. First word of objective should be an action verb (e.g. state, name, list, learn, etc.) Use a verb followed by a number followed by the content. Example: State 3 elements to include in the wording of a learning objective. Rule of thumb is to have 3 objectives for a one hour presentation; 6-10 for a one day presentation. Content outline and presentation design Content outlines clarify how you will use the time allotted. Outlines answer the question: What are the training components (sub topics of objectives) and how long do you plan to spend on each of them? An outline is basically a list of time markers placed on the objectives. Everybody knows this outline is not followed exactly. Take your best guess as to approximate time frames.

Energy 4 Kids ? Ann Adams, LCSW P.O. Box 884 Rome, GA 30162 energy4k@bellsouth.com

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Secrets of getting an application approved for Continuing Education Credits And, make sure the math adds up! Professionalism, remember. Reviewers are assessing your competence in representing the profession. The purpose to the reviewer is to see that what you are covering is clinically relevant and tied to some element of research. To assure you cover this concern, one of your time slots could be called: relevant research. Other examples could be: theoretical considerations, or ethical considerations, or informed consent, or risk management, or standards of practice in using this method. Even if the time spent on the topic is very short, the reviewers will believe you are professionally sensitive to those issues. Listing time for experiential exercises, muscle testing training and demonstrations is fine for most disciplines. However, you will need to downplay such items in your outline for psychology CEs. Provide rationale such as: The methods being taught in this workshop involve mechanics that are so far outside what most clinicians are trained in, that in order to protect the public we require proficiency in these new methods and proficiency cannot be demonstrated without supervised practice. We therefore limit our attendance numbers to only the number of people we can supervise either ourselves or through assistants that we have approved. Post Test Answers the question: How will you assure your attendees have learned the key material? KIS. One question per objective. Let your objectives formulate the post test. Make it quick and easy to administer: verbal responses, T/F, fill in the blank, or multiple choice. Put post test in the handouts; at the end of the workshop pick and chose from the questions to elicit verbal responses from attendees. Include the answer key with your proposal. Make life easy for the reviewer. Do not use words like explain or describe, nobody is going to do that and the reviewers know it. Bibliography Purpose is to provide references that give your topic CE credibility. Select the citations (three to five for a 1-2 hour presentation; Six to twelve for one day presentation) that your presentation is based on, or most supported by, that most enhance your topics credibility. Use proper citation format. Look it up if you are not sure. Vita Answers the question: What makes you qualified to present this information as a representative of the profession. The purpose is to give credibility so include your formal qualifications. Identifying information: name, address, contact numbers, description of present position, licenses and certifications, degrees in what, from where, and when, specialized training received, membership in professional organizations, prior presentations to professional groups, books and articles and tapes recorded for sale and any organization that has already approved you as CE provider. Once approved by any group gives halo effect for the others. VITA is a statement of professional experience to establish credibility. A BIOGRAPHY is an interesting, exciting, look at me paragraph. A biography tells how to contact you, what background, and why you are cool. A RESUME is a sales piece used when want to land a full time job. Remember: provide a Vita. A biography not a substitute! Ancillary Material Give everything that is asked for. They have their reasons whether it makes sense to you or not. Work to make their life easier. It is their game. Finalize your title and material Now youve been through each step you can see clearly how your program flows. Revise description to make juicier; the abstract to make it dryer. When youve tightened it up, read it out loud to someone. Have no errors, no gaps. Reviewers want to know that what you are presenting is therapy, that it has clinical application; that it has an explicit tie in to their profession. Use no controversial wording, no benefit claims not backed by research; say it is experimental, novel. Use general terms like: energy psychotherapies, meridian based psychotherapeutic approaches or charka based psychotherapeutic techniques or bio-field based psychotherapy. Good Luck! And dont forget to send as many copies as they ask for!
*The majority of this material was adapted from notes taken at a workshop given by David Grudermeyer, Ph.D. at the Energy Psychology Conference in Las Vegas, NV May 11, 12, & 13, 2000. He can be contacted at drgrudermeyer@willingness.com

Energy 4 Kids ? Ann Adams, LCSW P.O. Box 884 Rome, GA 30162 energy4k@bellsouth.com

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THE TOP TEN BUSINESS STRATEGIES THAT GENERATE REFERRALS

A checklist of forty action steps that generate referrals.

1.

ARTICULATE YOUR BASIC MESSAGE Know how to speak about the essence of who you are and what you do - an essential step that creates a lasting result. a. b. c. d. Have a fifteen-second self-introduction that attracts referrals - your basic message. Get sponsored by organizations and speak to their members - on message. Write a valuable, monthly practice letter for existing clients - on message. Write a manual or booklet that expands your message; self publish, use it as the text for your workshop.

2.

FOCUS ON THE BENEFITS Too many therapists focus on promoting the features of their practice - their degrees and training. Potential clients want to know about benefits - the results they can expect. a. b. c. d. Think about the ways you have specifically helped clients as evidenced by. Have several success stories you can talk about. Design your promotional materials to identify the solutions you offer. Use language that reflects what your clients want versus what you think they need.

3.

OVERCOME THE INITIAL BARRIERS TO THERAPY Make it easier for clients to first connect with you a. b. c. d. Give a free, high touch introduction or preview of your work. Host gatherings of your colleagues and teach them what you know. Instead of a printed brochure, offer a twenty-minute living brochure. Develop a mailing list of potential clients and send them your free practice newsletter every six months.

4.

ASK FOR THE REFERRAL You need to let others know that you welcome referrals. Asking for referrals is a legitimate way to communicate your business needs. a. b. c. Identify your ideal client profile, so that you know the type of clients you want to attract. Practice saying, I have some openings in my practice I am looking to fill. Include the following on your policy sheet: I welcome referrals, which signify your satisfaction and trust in my services. Ask the universe for referrals.

5.

LEVERAGE YOUR MARKETING TIME Marketing means educating others about your services. Use your time efficiently by educating more people using less effort. a. b. c. Meet and cultivate four practice angels - those influential people who are well connected in your community and can make multiple referrals. Identify your current referral network - list your existing and past clients and who originally sent them to you. Become a referral source - expand your Rolodex by getting to know fifty professionals who provide services your clients might need (in the process you expand the network of people who know about your services, too). Create your own advisory board; surround yourself with those who encourage your success.

d.

6.

DIVERSIFY When generating referrals, its not always who you know; its also how many you know. Enlarge your network and expand your menu of services. a. b. c. d. Develop multiple profit centers and revenue streams - become a cross trainer. Cultivate flexibility and diversity in your professional network. Read outside your field; join groups outside your profession; develop more hobbies. Package your services in at least five different ways; create a menu of options for new clients.

7.

GO BEYOND COMPETENCY To generate referrals in a highly competitive marketplace, you must be highly skilled. a. Become truly excellent in one aspect of your practice. b. Invest at least 5 percent of your annual revenue in training and development to maintain excellence. c. Lead with your strengths---orient your practice around your area of greatest expertise. d. Niche your services by the outcomes you deliver, instead of by the issues you address.

8.

CONTINUALLY ADD VALUE Existing and former clients will be a source of referrals if they perceive a high value of service in your practice. a. b. c. d. Enrich your menu of services each year. Articulate the added value to others---dont keep it a secret. Develop a full-service personal-growth practice. Anticipate your clients future needs and be one step ahead of them.

9.

HELP CLIENTS TO END THERAPY SUCCESSFULLY Treat each client as a long-term relationship, not a short-term cash flow. Good endings generate future referrals. a. b. c. d. Educate your clients about how they can get the most out of their time in therapy with you. Help clients leave without shame or guilt---support all termination. Let clients know your policy about supporting termination during their first session. Act as if you have a waiting list, even when you dont.

10.

BECOME A MODEL OF THE SERVICES YOU OFFER The more attractive you are as a professional, the more you will attract your ideal clients. a. b. c. d. Get all your personal needs met outside of your practice. Be on a strong financial track. Get excellent clinical supervision and business coaching. Find solutions for all the complaints you have regarding your work.

1999 Lynn Grodzki, LCSW-C, The Private Practice Success Program www.privatepracticeprogram.com Reprinted with authurs permission from: Building Your Ideal Private Practice How to Love What You Do ;and Be Highly Profitable, Too! By Lynn Grodzki W. W. Norton and Co. New York ISBN 0-393-70331-2 Wonderful, well written book filled with practical suggestions and thought provoking ideas.

Gary Craig on Doing Business with EFT

IMPORTANT NOTE: These notes are Garys guidelines. He does not cover everything in them nor does he cover them in order.

Doing Business with EFT

IMPORTANT NOTE: These notes are Garys guidelines. He does not cover everything in them nor does he cover them in order. THREE REQUIREMENTS FOR ENHANCING BUSINESS RESULTS:
1. Mental set--foundation 2. Techniques or How-tosuseless without mental sethow many of you became an AUTHORity? Wrote a newsletter? Sent consistent messages to corporations? 3. ExperienceStub your toeRefine your skills 1. Mental set A. Palace of Possibilities/Writing on Walls/Comfort Zones We always consult the writing on our walls They are important shortcuts B. Ways to collapse the limiting writings on the walls Affirmationsget tail enders I earn, easily and consistently, $1,000,000 per year. Im so famous, people are lined up to see me. Fill in the blank statements Im not earning $1,000,000 per year because.. In order to earn $1,000,000 per year I would have to.. My father/mother used to say this about money.. I need to charge an hourly fee because C. Must dream it first Most accomplishments start wi th a thought. Dream exercise. What would it be like if success was guaranteed? Where did you resist the dream? Repeat the dream exercise and compare experiences

D. AntennaA Superb Giftuse it instead of your left brain The way to do whatever you want to do already exists, you need only tune into it. Cocktail party Mother/baby Super market aislesleft brain/right brain E. Choose your friends/colleagues/TV programs, books, etc.they are constantly writing on your walls 2. Techniques A. Do pay-by-the-result work in empty slots At least you have a shot at business Gain experience B. Let bookstores, restaurants, supermarkets, etc. sell your book and keep all the profits. Place them near the cash register. C. Cross promote with your clients, motivational speakers, dentists, physicians, other specialists Trade books/brochures Put your book/brochure on their desk/waiting room and vice versa Endorsed mailings Find clients/peers doing quality newsletterspay postage for inserting your attractive/informative ad. Trade inserts. Give clients free sessions who have mailing lists or other contacts. D. Speak to groupsalways give free material Toastmasters Athletes Corporations E. Create attractive web site for clients to see and learn from. Phone or email for free info/mailing list.

F. Film your sessionsgive or sell at low costmakes you an authority G. Ways to bridge beliefs--belief relief Build a bridge to EFT from the clients existing beliefs.
a. Its like talk therapy (or insight therapy or conventional therapy) with an additional body element. b. Its like massage therapy with an emotional component. c. Its an eastern version of hypnotherapy. d. Its a fast version of _______ therapy. e. Its an emotional version of acupuncture, except we dont use needles. f. Its like cognitive behavioral therapy except we dont need to talk so much. g. Its like breath therapy except its more relaxing. h. Do you know how important relaxation is to hypnotherapy? Well, adding this body element adds even more relaxation and, as a result, the benefits tend to go deeper and last longer. i. Do you know how important it is to gain insights into our issues? Well, this new technique adds a relaxation element that allows insights to come more quickly. j. Do you know how _______ has given you benefits before? Well this is like that only it blends in important new discoveries about how our systems really work. k. Do you know how ________ sometimes takes awhile to get to the bottom line? Well this new feature tends to clear the way for faster results.

H. Question your long answering machine messages. I. Write and rewrite your ads on the EFT web site until they generate good responses. J. Make group sessions the centerpiece of your work 30 X $50 = $1500 for 3 hours 4 X per week Participants get a bargain Some participants will want individual sessions Do group phone sessionsHUGE audience Legal considerations Do a newsletter Join discussion groups Join newsgroups Honor system basisPaul Cutright Constantly remind clients of their results

K. Use Specialization Use computer to print out several brochures for broad-based specializations: Headaches Back Pain Pain Management Asthma, Sinus and Breathing Issues War Trauma Rape and Sexual Trauma Fear of public speaking Phobias Stress Anxiety Personal Performance Allergies Nightmares Womens Issues

Make your brochure an informative bookletInterested prospects will read it. Write and rewritelet the marketplace tell you when it is good. DO SPECIALIZED GROUPS Persuasionmanipulation or duty? Influence by Dr. Robert Cialdini Automatic Responses/ Shortcuts A. Law of Contrast--The order of presenting facts is VERY important Pool table example. Clothiers often show higher cost apparel first Other examples: A. Do you know how therapy used to takes months or years and costs tens of thousands of dollars? In most cases, we can now do the same job in one to five sessions for under $1,000.

B. Its easy to spend $10,000 for conventional therapy with little or nothing to show for it. I prefer to charge you $800 and give you a refund if you dont achieve your result. C. Attending a typical workshop often costs over $1,000 when you consider the workshop fee, airfare, hotel, etc. The tapes, however, are only $170 AND they contain two workshops AND you can instant replay anything you want AND you can watch them whenever you want AND you can share them with your friends AND you can review them again any time in the future.. D. 3 individual 1 hour sessions cost $225 whereas a 3 hour group session costs $50 and often gets the same results. E. Why spend weeks, months or years to do what you can do in 1 or 2 sessions? F. A good result would be noticeable relief for 25% of the group participants. A superb result would be 40%. (Then proceed to generate 80% to 100%). B. Social Proof Reason for endorsements Who else is doing it? Stack of books, tapes Been on Oprah, Donahue, Leeza Print out Practitioners & Workshops from EFT web site Print out case histories from EFT web sitebind in a book. Its growingeverybodys doing it D. Authority An authority is automatically paid attention to. Policeman Doctor--3 out of 4 doctors smoke Camels Even fake authorities are authoritiesAthletes, celebrities, Marcus Welby MD

An AUTHOR is an AUTHORity So write books, booklets, brochures, newsletters Make videotapes, audiotapes