Quarterly

AUGUST 2011 ISSUE 2

More Recovery Stories The Revolving Door Model Alcohol Services in Herts

21 Inspirational Books What is AA really like?

Control vs Abstinence

Produced by the Relapse Prevention Group in Stevenage

Welcome to Recovery Magazine, produced by the Relapse Prevention Group at WDP Drugsline in Stevenage Old Town. WDP is a charity committed to helping all those who are affected by drug and alcohol use. We started off as a little community centre in Westminster hence the name. Today we have 22 centres across London and the south-east of England, and we deliver services on behalf of local authorities.

The Relapse Prevention Group in Stevenage is a WDP support group for those who have stopped drinking. Our magazine contains personal stories of some of the WDP service users who are recovering from alcohol dependency, as well some practical help and advice in understanding and beating alcohol addiction. You will also find links to all the local services available to drinkers and their families in North and East Herts. Sincerely,

The Relapse Prevention Group

WDP has four centres in Herts; at Stevenage, Hertford, Hitchin and Royston. Each offers drug and alcohol counselling and one to one support, advice and information for injecting drug users, groups, complementary therapies, a needle and syringe program, a blood-borne virus service, support for families and carers of drinkers and drug users, keyworking and advice on housing and benefits. WDP Drugsline Stevenage Bank Chambers 68 a High Street Rookery Yard [the alleyway opposite Subway and next to Waitrose] Stevenage Old Town, Herts, SG1 3EA Tel: 01438 312055 Email: herts@wdp-drugs.org.uk WDP Drugsline Hertford 2a Priory Street Hertford Herts, SG14 1RN Tel: 01992 581040 WDP Drugsline Hitchin Thomas Bellamy House Bedford Road Hitchin, Herts, SG5 1HL Tel: 01462 442442 WDP Drugsline Royston Katherines Barn, Katherines Yard Melbourn Street Royston, Herts, SG8 7BZ
There is a SPoC [Single Point of Contact] number in Herts. If you are worried about your or someone elses drinking, call the Alcohol Helpline on 0800 633 5443 to talk to friendly staff who can provide free, confidential advice and information. They can also refer you into a support group, or in some cases, offer one-to-one support.

Alcohol Helpline:

0800 633 5443

The SPoC number has been set up so that anyone wanting information about and help with an alcohol problem can get the right support. This is an inter-agency initiative, so services can work together to help you.

Contents
Help with Depression Human soup Recovery storyYou can look at the past, but dont stare at it. 21 inspirational recovery books Recovery storyJourney to the dark side

Look to this day Just for today The revolving door model

Frequently Asked Questions Spotlight on Turning Point/ Hertsreach, and Viewpoint Alcoholism and Spirituality

D.T.sa graphic story AA meeting list for Herts Controlled drinking vs. Abstinence Recovery storyif I can do it, so can you Greetings cardspoems

Isnt it strange Relapse signsand solutions The velveteen rabbit Recovery storydont give up hope, but dont leave it too late either. Spotlight onThe Living Room Co-dependency Good and bad reminders Recovery storyyou need to be prepared to accept help Spotlight onThe Sanctuary Dreading the dawn If we put our minds to it Spotlight onA.A. What to expect from your first AA meeting How to stay off alcohol long term Shakes and Staggers boardgame Recovery StoryStopped in time Why I love the RPG Recovery Story He lost his mojo but found recovery Spotlight onthe womens resource centre Benefits and disadvantages of drinking Recovery storydrinking despair, but recovery is possible! Acupuncture with Jethro at WDP

Help with Depression

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself,
they've lost the plot. I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said. "A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do." My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were 70!!! Fiddlesticks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy. Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was sat there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a Chinese burn instead. I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am ?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. The Grim Reaper came for me last night and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary. I was thinking of buying a Labrador, but my mate stopped me. Dont do it! he said, "Have you seen how many of the owners go blind?"

Human Soup
Twice a week I get emotionally well fed with a very varied band, Bumped upstairs at WDP seated with coffee in my hand. Alcohol battlers all, at one of the Wednesday or Friday groups, Meet some of the finest ingredients that make up Human Soup..

By C.

You can look at the past but dont stare at it

Young mother, 30. First can you say a bit about yourself, what sort of person are you? Im quite loud, I dont like to be a part of a crowd, or rather I like to be part of a crowd but I want to stand out. I dont want to be like a sheep, I want to be different and have my own identity. And it is just recently now that Im 30 that I am becoming comfortable with who I am, and actually having the confidence to stand out. Im always on the go. I dont like to sit around watching telly. I love to be with my children. I love my children. I have little girls under five. I wanted to ask you about your drink and drug use. Looking back are there any reasons why your drink and drug use started? I dont know why I started drinking; I just put it down to my character. I was kicked out at sixteen - apparently I was a very naughty teenager. My mum couldnt handle me. Actually I didnt think I was too bad. I moved into a youth hostel at 16. The majority of the children there were using drinking and using drugs and I sort of started to fit in. Then it just became a habit, having a couple of cans of Stella and maybe now and again a Tennents Super T or two, and then smoking cannabis as well, and then it just became a comfort for me. Yes I mean if you want to know about my drug use we would be here all day [laughs]. The shorter version would be - smoked cannabis between sixteen and 18,

Then 18 to 20 I needed stronger stuff so I started amphetamines and would only drink Tennents or Vodka. I was drinking more regularly and I was going down a negative spiral. At this point because of the choices I was making I was putting myself in a lot of danger and I needed more drugs - more of a black-out to handle it, I was in a vicious cycle that I got myself into but I didnt realise I was in one at the time. The people around me were doing that also, so I thought it was normal. At the end of my using I ended up smoking crack cocaine for five years, and towards the end of that I was also using heroin. By this point when I drank it would be a litre bottle of Bacardi maybe a day. How did you afford all that? I got in with these people who were credit card fraudsters, and they used to pay me to work for them. And I also got into prostitution. Its like I was kind of a follower. I used to hang around with a bunch of girls for about a year. I used to go along with them while they were working and I used to be like, I wouldnt do that, I wouldnt do that but then I found myself actually doing these things. It was the same with the crack cocaine, I used to sit in the houses while they were doing it, and I thought Id never do that, Id never do that, and then one day I found myself doing it. It just got really quite bad. I took that journey to as far as I could and the next stage would have been death. How bad did it get? Put it this way, I was 23 and I was wearing age 11 clothes. I think thats even smaller than a size 8, I was that skinny. During this time Id had some children [sighs] which I did neglect them because I was only thinking about myself. Its not like I wanted to it was addiction, this

cycle Id got stuck in. I couldnt see a way out and I couldnt see another way of living, and I couldnt function without my drug or my alcohol, and that had to come first before my children. I got into violent relationships, and it was me that attracted those people, and it was me that allowed those people into my life. It got to the point where my children were taken off of me and I wanted to kill myself. I drank a litre bottle every day purposely, it was like suicide. Yeah. But that was my drug use. You didnt die, so what happened? My flat was taken so I ended up homeless, there was no-one to help me as my family werent speaking to me. My dad left when I was 3 years old but I thought Id give it shot and I phoned him up and I was honest with him. I said, Look dad, Ive just been kicked out of my flat, Ive got a drug habit, I need help, I really need somewhere to stay and I need to sort myself out, and he said, Yeah, by all means come down and well get you sorted out. I jumped on a train to Stevenage with one carrier bag full of all my worldly possessions and I had my own room, I felt safe. I didnt use anything because this was my clean break.

I started getting flashbacks

I didnt smoke any drugs or use any alcohol for about a month, it was my chance to start again but then I started getting flashbacks and horrible feelings, all the stuff Id put myself through and losing my children, it was like having a washing machine head. Id try and go to sleep but the more I tried not to think about things, the more I was obsessing about it, and the only way to stop that was by having a drink. I needed to have a whole bottle of wine before the head stopped, and then

there I was; I was back in that cycle again. Luckily Id put down the drugs there, and I never touched drugs again, but alcohol took the place of the drugs; it was more cross addiction. So the drugs were a closed door, but the alcohol became the problem? Then it was like top-up drinking, I was never sober. I couldnt be sober. When I was sober I was a strange person, I was vulnerable, and I didnt know who I was. I knew who I was when I was drunk. Its really weird. I carried on like that for a year, and then I met another woman like me like attracts like, an alcoholic will always find another alcoholic shed lost her children and shed drank a lot, and she was telling me about a place called the Living Room a day rehab centre, where they have a session in the morning and a session in the afternoon, and its like a big group, you just sit there and listen. They also have one-to-one counsellors. She was going there for about two weeks and there was sparkle in her eye Id never seen that before. She was coming round to the flats where we was all drinking and she was just changed, she was like completely different, and I just wanted what she had.

so vulnerable sitting there sober that I had my coat on my lap and a cap pulled down so I could only see peoples feet, and I used to sit there and rock! [laughs]. I sat there like that for about two months before I plucked up the courage to look at peoples eyes and start to talk and let people in. Looking back now that was seven years ago [looks upset] Im getting emotional Whats the emotion? How sick I was! That was definitely, definitely a make or break for me, it was life or death. I had to go through all that vulnerability until I could start trusting people, because I didnt trust anyone. So I gradually built up trust with them where I could open up and be honest, and thats when I started getting better. Yeah. But of course at the beginning of that time - when I started the Living Room - I was still drinking so I had to quit the drink. I saw a doctor who put me on a detox. I came out of the doctors surgery and there was pub to the right of me and a chemist to the left, and I had this prescription for these detox tablets so I didnt have fits, so I went into the chemist and got my prescription. Then I went into the pub for a last drink, my last ever drink. Then I started taking all the tablets, and had another pint, and just carried on drinking. By the end of the night I was wrecking the pub, I was turning tables over, I was grabbing peoples drinks. I was psychotic, running around in the pub. Next thing I know I was laying on the concrete outside looking up at the stars with a woman sitting on me restraining me, and the police standing around me. After that I did the detox properly. I had five years without a drink after that.

got back on course, so Ive been seven years in recovery. I learned a lot from that slip. Id been sober for a long time and I thought, Because I had so many problems, and such a horrible childhood, maybe I just drank because I had problems and I thought, My lifes sorted, Ive got a house, Ive got two children, a bloke who loves me, Ive got confidence, you know, so I thought Maybe Ill be able to handle alcohol now, so I drank over Christmas. Within a month I was drinking regularly again, and depressed again, and one night after drinking two bottles I was really suicidal. I really wanted to kill myself. Alcohol puts me in a placeI can just describe it as Hell. Alcohol does that for me. In recovery, during these seven years, what have you learnt? Its been the best years of my life its been a discovery. When I was drinking, from childhood to when I stopped, life was one big Groundhog Day, same thing day in, and day out. I wasnt growing. I was getting older physically, but I wasnt maturing. I felt inadequate, like a child in an adults body. I couldnt understand people but being in recovery these have been the best days of my life. I can feel myself growing, and feel myself maturing. I can learn lessons now, its like Im walking around with my eyes open. I can interact with people, my fear has gone, and I feel like an equal. Thats really clear. What made you want to come here to WDP? Recovery for me is a process. In my recovery I noticed that I was becoming depressed about once a year. I never noticed this when I was drinking because then I was depressed 24/ 7. When I was depressed I was suicidal I thought my family would be better off without me, and I can see why people do that now. I knew it

I plucked up the courage to look at peoples eyes and start to talk

I though blimey, she looks really happy, I can see life in her eyes, a sparkle, and I said, Oh, this Living Room, I might come along with you actually, give it a go and I started coming out of my denial about my alcohol use. So I went along with her and I took to it like a duck to water and I thought, This is amazing, these people can actually help me. They told me it how it was. I was

Life was one big Groundhog Day

I had a slip during that time but I

wasnt right and I was worried. I didnt want to be on anti-depressants for the rest of my life. That was when I came to the counselling. Whats happened during the counselling? Since Ive come for counselling Ive realised a hell of a lot; its been a big turning point for me. Its enabled me to see where my depression come from, Ive tracked it right back to my childhood. My depression was pent-up anger. Even before I drank, in my childhood I never knew how to show anger, I could only hold it in. I felt like I had no rights. I didnt see myself as a human being that was equal. When you first came here you had a very ready smile that said, Like me, like me, Im harmless Yeah, I think that I just needed to get real; I needed to find my true self and be real. Whats your true self like? [laughs] Im not afraid to speak up. I dont fear confrontation, on a good day, and I only tend to get bad days where I feel low if I dont keep up my maintenance. My maintenance is going to AA meetings - Alcoholics Anonymous - and that helps. How do you find AA? What I like about AA is that Ive made friends, I can tell them whats really going on in my head and they understand me. What I dont like about AA is you can get these Big Book Bashers who argue that you should do the 12 Steps this way or you should do the 12 Steps that way. I think you should keep it simple my favourite saying is, Its a recipe for everyone but you season it how you want it. But AA helps me a hell of a lot. What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with alcohol? Id say give counselling a try. Dont just go for one or two sessions but give it a chance. Also if youre drinking while youre going for counselling, I cant see that working. Stop, go to AA, and then go for counselling. Give AA a go too. Dont worry about making a commitment, just think about going a couple of times. Some people say its religious its not, its spiritual. You can have a church full of old ladies all claiming to be religious and probably none of them are spiritual... For me, spirituality is working on being true to myself - my soul - seeing every one as an equal, and theres a reason for

everything. And just being in that positive space, theres a positive to everything, and were all here to learn. And what would you say to someone whose just stopped drinking a few days? Stick with it, you know. Dont give up just before the miracle. I didnt think that I would ever be able to live sober, and Ive had people pulling me along. The people in the Living Room, the people in AA, I wouldnt have been able to do it without them. Theres a person in front of me whose two days more sober than I was and shes given me that extra boost. Shes done an extra day more than me so maybe I can do that extra day myself. Thats what kept me going. How do you feel about your old life? I feel neutral about it. I dont get flashbacks anymore. Theres a saying you can look at the past but dont stare at it. [laughs] You know, that would make quite a good title for your story, actually Yeah, use that one.

21 Inspirational Recovery Books

3. The World in my HeartA personal exploration of spirituality and awareness by Jo Farrow by T. The author reflects on journeys, explorations, homecomings and the experiences which have shaped her life and led her to value spirituality and feminism, and to integrate them with what has been important for her in the Quaker tradition and the insights of humanistic psychology as a way of coming home to herself. She says, "I wanted to be human, not holy. It describes her journey and the recurring symbols that called her, like the smell of new mown grass. She is very inclusive, and accepting of herself and others.

ON ADDICTION, SPIRITUALITY AND FINDING JOY IN LIFE All these books remind me of my way, of what moves me. I am moved by art, by metaphor and poetry. I am moved by identifying and connecting with another person on a human journey, which reminds me that I share something collective with another human being, that the troubles and joys of my life are not exclusively mine, but are shared. And all of these books are in some way about a call. 1. Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism by various authors [also known as the Big Book] Alcoholics Anonymous -The Big Book has served as a lifeline to millions worldwide. First published in 1939, Alcoholics Anonymous sets forth cornerstone concepts of recovery from alcoholism and tells the stories of men and women who have overcome the disease. I just love that through and through theres hope, like the writing that goes through a stick of Brighton Rock. I love the poetry of it, and the metaphors. The stories are good they are real, and varied, and I recognise myself in some of them, like playing snap. I like the appendices. I like that the book is so practical, with advice like, On awakening, think of the 24 hours ahead; - that sort of thing. 2. Care of the Soul: how to add depth and meaning to your everyday life by Thomas Moore Thomas Moore draws on his own life as a therapist practicing 'care of the soul', his studies of the world's religions, his teaching of Jungian psychology and art therapy, and his work in music and art to create this inspirational guide that examines the connections between spirituality and the problems of individuals and society. Something in me relaxed on a deep level when I read this book because it gives me permission to let things be as they are, like going with depression and not medicating it. The book describes archetypal forces at work in the human being calls from the deep not just describing what is wrong with someone.

4. Women who run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes A book for women. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., Jungian analyst and storyteller shows how women's vitality can be restored through what she calls "psychic archaeological digs" into the ruins of the female unconscious. Using multicultural myths, fairy tales, folk tales, and stories. I like the use of myth and fable to explain the human being it is show not tell.

5. The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Concentrating on self-esteem and acceptance, this book offers meditations for men and women recovering from co-dependency and aids them in their attempt to gain control of their lives. I like this book because people get into recovery and think its about the alcohol, yet all the problems we have in relationship underlie most addictions. Really recommended! I also recommend Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody, which helps you to see and understand whats underneath co-dependency and describes the five core symptoms, how our childhood affects us, and talks about recovery.

6. Jazz by Toni Morrison It is winter, barely three days into 1926, seven years after Armistice; we are in the scintillating City, around Lenox Avenue, "when all the wars are over and there will never be another one. Richly combining history, legend and reminiscence, this voice captures as never before the ineffable mood, the complex humanity of black urban life at a moment in our century we assumed we understood. Jazz is an unprecedented and

astonishing invention, a landmark on the American literary landscape - a novel unforgettable and for all time. Beautiful! If recovery is about really being alive and really being human, then this novel is about the beating pulse of life in all its aspects.

10. The Prophet by Kalil Gibran First published in the 1920s, this book attempts to provide the reader with a guide to living. Gibran lets his protagonist, called simply the prophet, deliver homilies on a variety of topics central to daily life: love marriage and children, work and play, possessions, beauty, truth, joy and sorrow and death. A poetic and timeless book.

7. Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse Siddhartha's life takes him on a journey toward enlightenment. Afire with youthful idealism, the Brahmin joins a group of ascetics, fasting and living without possessions. Meeting Gotama the Buddha, he declines joining the Buddha's followers. He re-enters the world, hoping to learn of his own nature, but instead slips gradually into hedonism and materialism. Surfeited and disgusted, he flees from his possessions to become a ferryman's apprentice, learning what lessons he can from the river itself. Im so glad I remembered to include this one; its a lovely book.

11. Families and How to Survive Them by John Cleese and Robin Skynner What makes a family happy? Why do some marriages 'succeed' and others 'fail'. How can we free ourselves from the legacy of past mistakes and bring about positive change? Love, sex and marriage and parenthood, depression and sadness, independence and experience are just a few of the many issues explored in conversation by family therapist Robin Skynner and his former patient and comedian, John Cleese. A great introduction to looking more deeply at what goes on in us and in our relationships.

8. Cry Hard and Swim : The Story of an Incest Survivor by Jaqueline Spring 12. Story of Art by Gombrich The true story of the childhood and therapy of an incest survivor. Jacqueline Spring was born into a Glaswegian family that appeared conventionally at ease both emotionally and materially, but the picture that emerges here in letters to her mother, in poems and narration, is one of pain and bewilderment. It was only years later, in therapy - an experience that was to be profoundly transforming - that she began to confront and overcome her past. A hopeful and brave book for people recovering from sexual abuse. It describes why therapy helps. 9. The Road Less Travelled : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by Wayne Dwyer The essence of this book is summed up in the first three words; - Life is difficult. Peck shows us that our avoidance of problems and their accompanying suffering are the root of mental illness. In this book he addresses everything from falling in love to solving problems and dealing with pain. The challenge, of course, is doing all of these things in our limited lifetimes, but he writes about that too. A spiritual classic. A very well presented, concisely written book, providing a superb grounding in the subject of art through history, generally acknowledged to be the best book on the history of art. First published in the l950s it has gone through 16 editions, each one adding new material, new pictures and updating ideas on modern art. This may seem an odd choice in a list of books on recovery, but there is so much here; It is a delightful, fascinating, exceptional and inspiring book. Its about how we react to things emotionally as much as about art. Really recommended. 13. Way of the Peaceful Warrior This book is first and foremost a delightful story about a young man finding a spiritual guide, but also an innovative approach to fitness that applies Eastern philosophies to the Western concept of physical well-being and sports training. It demonstrates that the true essence of a champion is indeed the culmination of a strong body, mind and spirit. It keynotes the mind/ body/ spiritual levels necessary in becoming a whole person. Someone who is lost finding a mentor and learning to believe in himself.

14. A Testament of Devotion by Thomas R. Kelly Since its first publication in 1941, It gathers together five compelling essays that urge us to centre our lives on spiritual principles, to find quiet and stillness within modern life, and to discover the deeply satisfying and lasting peace of the inner spiritual journey. A book deeply relevant to recovery and the interior life.

after an Indian word meaning 'Here we are!' or 'We sat all day in the rain waiting for you.' We learn of the town's beginnings and of the settlers who made their lives there in a way that is filled with warmth and humour, sadness and tenderness. It is also an unforgettable portrait of small-town America. He has a kindly eye he really likes people and it is genuinely funny!

19. Waterlog a Swimmers Journey Through Britain by Roger Deakin While swimming in the moat located in his own back garden, Roger Deakin decided he would undertake his own adventure and swim in rivers and lakes across Britain. Waterlog, is Deakin's account of his journey. He seeks out tarns high in the hills of north Wales, swims with salmon in Somerset and eels in the Fens. He describes the nature he sees around him from his unusual perspective inches above water level. There is a depth and enthusiasm, humour and curiosity in his writing; a wonder. His partner says he wrote from the heart and this is absolutely true, not someone trying to be clever and showing what they know. Inspirational! Try his other two books, Wildwood a Journey Through Trees and Notes From Walnut Tree Farm.

15. Call of the Bell Bird : A Quaker Travels The World by Jennifer Kavanagh In April 2001, Jennifer Kavanagh set off with her partner Stephen Petter for a year's journey to connect with old and new spiritual influences, and spend time away from the world of affluence. As they travel through the Americas, the Pacific, Thailand, India, Mongolia and Russia, the author is very much aware of how she is being changed, and of how people in the places she visits are changed, for better or worse, by rich foreign outsiders. The book is full of encounters with the most remarkable people of all faiths and none. A fascinating read. The authoress is a keen observer, and very accepting of herself. 16. The Gardener by Grian. A collection of 61 very short stories. These inspiring tales are simple in their approach yet contain great depth. Delightful and wise. A special book.

20. Addiction to Perfection:the still unravished bride. Studies in Jungian psychology by Jungian Analysts by Marion Woodman Marion Woodman is able to bring experience, intellect and spirit to the world of addiction. And, she goes right to the heart of ANY addiction -- by going to our addiction to perfection. From this springs addictions to alcohol, food or whatever. Looking into the deeper aspects of addiction.

17. The Soul Bird by Michal Snunit Deep down, inside our bodies, lives the soul. No one has ever seen it, but we all know it's there. There is a soul bird who lives inside us all. This special bird opens and closes the drawers of our soul, in which we keep all our feelings. This poetic book shows how the consolation and encouragement we need can be found in small, everyday places. A special and true book, for children or adults. I enjoyed seeing his enormous intellect at play through his reflections on his personal journey. This book too is about the call, about that desire for something infinitely precious that is missing, and about losing the path and finding it again.

21. Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life by C.S. Lewis Lewiss outstanding gift is clarity. You can take it at two levels, as straight autobiography, or as a kind of spiritual thriller, a detective's probing of clue and motive that led up to his return to the faith he had lost in childhood.

18. Lake Wobegone Days by Garrison Keiller Lake Wobegone Days is the marvellous chronicle of an imaginary place located somewhere in the middle of the state (but not on the map) and named

Journey to the Dark Side Star Wars

fan, Male, 30s How long have you not been drinking? Ive been not drinking for just over ten weeks now. What was your drinking like and how did it start? Ive probably been.. realised I am.. an alcoholic for about the last ten years. Probably. Thats drinking every day, near enough. That is, I stopped for six or seven months, went back to it, then gave up again for another seven months, went back to it. The reason I went back to it this time was through the job I was in I was unhappy, bored, stressed, doing shift work - and I remember thinking one day, Oh, I could have one of those little bottle of wine you know, the small ones, so I went and bought it - and liked it [laughs] and then soon after the next day or the day after - it went to two little bottles, and then from there to a bottle a day, and then that wasnt enough and it was two bottles a day, and that crept to a box a day. So you tend to be a daily drinker when you drink? Yeah, every day. And going back to before I did stop, at my worst, every morning would be; - Id get up, and Id have to wait til I was sick cos I was sick every day. You mean like retching or..? No I was physically sick, usually bile. What Id tend to do is drink a fruit squash so I knew that when I was sick, it tasted nicer [smiles grimly], and then once I

was sick I knew I could have alcohol and it would stay in my body. So I used to get up and time it 8 oclock Id leave the house, so Id walk to Budgens a half hour walk - for when theyd open, come back, drink it, maybe not the whole box straight away but a good five tumbler-fulls, say, fall asleep til an hour before my partner come in.

wine boxes, and I'd take the bag out of the box and hide that. Part of my routine in the morning was getting up sick, going to buy drink and getting rid of the empties at the same time, drink, hide it. This was when you were working? It was twelve hour shifts - shift work - doing eight in the morning to eight at night for two days, then eight at night to eight in the morning for two days. I wouldn't drink at work but I'd drink in the morning of a night shift, sleep it off and then go in for the night, feeling rough. Sometimes I'd just take time off sick, because either I'd have to go to work and try and control my drinking more, or, I'd let drinking control me more, and I chose the latter. So anxiety crept in, and I thought it was anxiety that meant I couldn't cope with the thought of work. So the drink seemed to help with the anxiety? Yes, even though it was causing it, and when I was anxious I took time off work and that gave me the green flag to drink. So yeah, when I finished at eight in the morning I'd walk home the longer way, via the shops, and drink. How bad did your drinking get? At its worst it was a box a day, and certainly the week before I stopped.. I can't describe it because... everyone knows what a hangover feels like, and I was certainly used to waking up with a muzzy head, a headache, and a drink would sort that out but in that last week it was like... an alien come into my head, I just wasn't myself. Even being a drunk person I knew this wasn't right. Even drinking I could manage an evening meal but now I couldn't eat, I'd lost my appetite completely, and that last week

Wake up, sick, starting to shake so drink all over again

Then Id set the alarm and go through a routine of brushing my teeth, gargling, hiding it like you do, like hide the rest in, say, the garage; - some of the hiding places I used to have! And then that was it that would fulfil my need until the next day [pause] and then it would just repeat again. Wake up, sick, starting to shake so drink all over again. What age did that start? Ten years I drank regularly, it was that bad for the last three years. Ive always drunk but I didnt drink in the mornings at first, just finish work and have a few drinks with the lads but I thought that was sort of normal. It started as part of my social life and then it took over my day-today life. I was not a great pub drinker. If I did go to the pub I'd probably already be pissed as I was more of a home drinker. Looking back, I was always a person that drinks on my own at home, put a film on and drink, then sleep it off to try and be normal. I used to kid myself that noone knew [laughs] but as it turns out they were not all as stupid as I thought. I thought I was one step ahead of them.. We're usually bad actors thinking were good ones. Yeah, I had all these sneaky hiding places for my drink. I bought

At 36 I felt like an old man

I couldn't even walk, hardly, to the shops to get a paper, even if we drove there my partner had to get out, I was like a nervous shaking wreck. I'm 37 now, so at 36 I felt like an old man. I've felt rough or rubbish before, but I've never known a feeling like that. I knew I had to stop drinking, but it was like someone heard me and said, I'll show you how shit you can really feel! That really made my mind up. I had to change because I'd lied to my partner and she found out and I promised her I'd stop and find help, my mum and dad were getting cheesed off and I'd always had a good relationship with them. I was lying left, right and centre to everyone. You said this was called, 'Journey to the Dark Side' and you just weren't yourself? No, it wasn't me to act like that. Me I'm normally quite a nice bloke. I wasn't horrible but I just wasn't me. It affected everything. I'd normally go round to my parents to eat, but I just hid away in my little drink bubble. And the worse I felt, I thought maybe if I just drink a bit more, that might help but it didn't. I just drunk more and more, and then that last week...it was quite shocking really. Tell me about the day you stopped. I'd made my mind up that I'd wanted to stop. I was shaking and sick towards the end I was sick about 4 or 5 times a day because of that I couldn't even go to the doctors. Even the thought of sitting in the waiting room I was scared, basically, because I thought I'm going to throw up, be sitting there shaking, sweating, so I phoned the doctor, and she said she could write me out a detox. So we had the tablets and they helped a lot, though the first two days I felt awful. Obviously you wake up and you think, Right, this is the first day without drink but I knew it had to be done. I've never had flu but I guess it must be like that; I felt weak, sweaty, and shaky. But after the first two days things started to get better. And even the first day I woke up and I wasn't sick, which was the first time I could remember that I wasn't retching in the morning, and I thought that was a bonus; one little tick in the 'good' box. Then I started getting an appetite, and then after about... a week.. things started to get really good. Feeling normal. But it took a few days for that feeling of not being myself to pass. I.... I can't even describe it to this day. It felt like something was in me, I don't know. Like something had taken you over?

Yeah, it was a horrible feeling, I certainly don't want to experience it again, and then it just.. lifted. So the dark side had taken you over, and somehow you found the strength to..? I knew I had a choice, really. You could either carry on, and lose my partner, lose my mum and dad and end up dead, so that was one choice, or, stop, and live life and enjoy it, like I should be able to. So life or death, the light or the dark? Yeah. I was in the dark, so I chose the light. So what's it been like since then? Certainly after the first week, it's been really good! My family and friends have said what a changed person I am. The last time I saw them was at my dad's party and I was pissed then and I can't even remember speaking to them. Then I saw them a couple of weeks ago and they said I was like the old me that they remember from a couple of years ago, kind, and bubbly. And then funnily enough since I've stopped drinking the anxiety's gone! [laughs] Even something like talking to you now I wouldn't have been able to do, I would have had to have a drink to give me a bit of Dutch courage, but obviously it was the drink that caused the anxiety in the first place. How did you get involved in coming here to WDP? Through my doctor. She referred me to the Lister Mental Health Team for my anxiety problem while I was still drinking. She was giving me tablets for anxiety but I was never truthful to her about my drinking. I had a meeting with that team and because I was anxious, 'surprise surprise', I had a bottle of wine before I went there for a 9.30 appointment, and as soon as I went in the woman smelt the drink, and just phoned up WDP and referred me here. Things had come to a head, so I had the detox straight away and came here. What's it been like coming here? Oh I really like it. I don't normally talk. I think the problem before was that I wasn't happy in my job but never told anyone. I always thought I should handle things by myself but looking back I obviously can't. Being able to talk, it's just nice to have something each week. I've got 'sobriety'

tattooed on my finger and every morning I get up and give it a kiss and just remember, 'Today, here we go'. In the same way, every week it's nice to have this counselling as a reminder. As you know I'm not struggling at the moment, but it's good to have the support. I noticed that shortly after coming here you seemed just relieved not to be drinking, on some very deep level. It's just a massive relief! Just looking back at all the things I used to do. Not only the expense of it all, of 15 or 20 quid a day on drinking, and just getting up each day and.. like I remember one day my partner was ill, and I thought, 'Oh God, she's not gone to work! I can't do what I normally do' so I said I was going to get the paper, then phoned her up to say I've decided to go to Budgens, which is like another half hour away, only so I could buy some drink... and I'd have to buy some mouthwash, and find a field to go in there and neck it. Life as a whole is better. Every thing's clear and relationships are better partner, family, friends and you can just see things clearer. What about the down side of not drinking. What's difficult? Er.. I don't think there is a down side. Um... I don't miss it.. there isn't any. Not at the moment, that I can think of. If I looked at pros and cons of not drinking, there are three hundred pros, and not one reason to have a drink. You don't need it. So it's just trying to continue that. So, imagine that you were talking to somebody that was in the situation that you were in before you stopped drinking. Is there any advice you would give them? The advice is.. no matter what your reason for drinking - and I

don't really know my reasons for drinking except I just got stressed and couldn't deal with day to day things but the answer isn't in alcohol. I know from experience that if you turn to a bottle, whatever the problem you get rid of it, but it's still there the next day. It's so much better, and you'll get to deal with whatever, by not drinking. And seek advice, and definitely get support. I thought I could deal with it on my own, but I came here and I really like this! You need it, I think. Just support. OK, I meant to ask at the start, what sort of person would you describe yourself as? Er... nice? Happy, happy go lucky, likeable, quite a popular person believe it or not. I've always had good friends. But I became a different person. I got frustrated, not violent as such, but violent towards myself. I ended up in hospital a couple of times through hitting walls, and whatever, through being frustrated. Not the smartest thing.

And you're a Star Wars fan. You chose 'Journey to the Dark Side' for this. So how would you see your recovery in those terms? Yeah, a massive Star Wars fan. I think I would have been the classic Darth Vader, where he's the good guy, turned to the Dark Side, becomes Darth Vader, and then just when he was... although in the film he was dying at the time... but he realised there was good in him, and then with the help of others, i.e. Luke Skywalker his son, he realised that, you know, the Dark Side was not a place he wanted to be, and at the end of my version of the film he comes back as Anakin Skywalker - the good guy. So through it all, I'd say, went to the Dark Side, didn't like it, saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and yeah, chose that route, which is the route I'd recommend for everyone. I think that's a natural place to stop, Thanks!

The Velveteen Rabbit

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it. "What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?" "Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." "I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled

Isnt it strange? Isnt it strange, that princes and kings And clowns that caper in sawdust rings And ordinary folk like you and me Are builders for eternity? To each is given a bag of tools, An hour glass and a book of rules And each must build, ere time is flown, A stumbling block, or a stepping stone.

Don't give up hope, but don't leave it too late either! Female Librarian, 50s.
.
How would you describe yourself as a person? Quite anxious, I like problems I can solve, don't like anything that I can't sort out for myself. I'm quite independent in some ways but on the other hand I don't like having long periods of time on my own. I'm quite a serious person in some ways I like books and I used to work in a library. People used to describe me as, The one who looks like a librarian [laughs], I'm not sure about that! But on the other hand I'm quite impulsive, enjoyed a party, quite hedonistic, I suppose. Paradoxically I like staying in but I also like to travel. I like to be with people but kind of like on my terms, so I suppose I'm quite a controlling person! [laughs]. So tell me about your drinking what were the early days of your drinking like? Well I didn't drink for eight years, the whole period that I was married for.. Why's that? Previously to that my husband-to-be and I had lived together for ten years and I did drink. I was what I would call a heavy social drinker; - I didn't drink during the day but I drank every night. He didnt drink and he said to me, just after we'd got married a few days after we got married - that he was really fed up with my drinking, and because everything was OK in my life at the point all the dots were lined up, if you like so I just stopped. So you'd been together for ten years, then you got married and a few days later you just stopped, for eight years? Yes. He didn't drink, so we didn't go to drinking places. It didn't matter, and I didn't miss it at all. I was fine without it. Initially I used to say to him when we went out, Oh go on, let me have a glass of wine, but he was quite a strong character, and he'd go, No, no, just have a coca cola, and because I loved him and respected him so I thought

it was just not worth spoiling the evening. But I wasn't chemically dependent on the alcohol or anything, so I could just stop and after a while I really didn't miss it. You said that eight years later you started drinking again. What were the circumstances of that? It was towards the end of his life; he'd been ill for about three years, with a poor prognosis from the start, really. About the November before he died I'd have a drink in the evenings when I got home from visiting the hospital. I'd go to work, or I'd spend the whole day at the hospital by that time, and then go home and have a drink. That carried on, and when he died in the January of 2000 I carried on having a drink on my own in the evenings. I was quite isolated. What did the drink do for you while you were actually visiting him? What did it give you? I think it was just a relaxant, you know, a reward in a way. It took the worry away, just for that time while I was drinking it. I wasn't drinking a massive amount, maybe a bottle of wine in the evening. In the mornings I used to wake up, and I can imagine there's a lot of people in the same circumstances when something awful is going on, and you wake up and there's something, what is it? Oh God it's that... I often think of poor people like the McCann family must wake up in the morning with that awful thing each day. With that kind of thing it never really goes away. And after he died? I carried on drinking in the evenings, and I carried on working up until about the November of that year, and then I went to university. I enjoyed that, and I was working really hard, but I'd reward myself with drink and I was on my own an awful lot. It wasn't until the end of the second year I actually went to a student party for mature students. I think that's the only time I went out. After the term finished a friend from university came to stay for the summer, and it seemed a good idea to have some company but we both drank as much as each other. It wasn't long until I was drinking muscadet for breakfast, we were going out at lunchtime, we were going out to the pub in the evening and it was building up and building up. By the time the course stated again I knew I wasn't up to it, I was too far gone, and I thought, I've got to get out of this situation By then I was in big trouble with alcohol. In what way? I was drinking pretty much all the time, wine, or gin and tonic. We had quite a lot of spirits at that time.

Why were you drinking so much? I felt in need of it. Id feel ill and start to detox if I didn't drink; shaking, sweating, feeling really sick and anxious. I embarked, from that time, on a series of ventures to be free of it, which lasted about seven years, I think [laughs ruefully]. I tried just about everything rehab; AA; I had a friend who used to phone me every day to see how I was because I was so isolated then; counselling, though not with a specialist counsellor; a different treatment centre; private hospitals the Priory a few times but I'd only last for a couple of days when I worked out how much it was costing me! I went to the Living Room for a few months, and that worked well while I was going there. Why didn't the other things work at that time? It was like... a build-up of pressure where I had to drink. I'd know it was coming. I could foresee it, and it would get to a point where I'd think, 'I've got to get a drink'. What was the worst of your drinking like? At its very worst I didn't go out. I couldn't keep drink down; I was sick if I drank and sick if I didn't drink. I hadn't had a bath for about three weeks, I'd been in the same clothes for weeks too. I had no energy at all. Bin bags of rubbish in the kitchen, and no housework being done. Somehow I managed to keep paying the bills by telephone. I was out of contact with everybody, I gave my elderly parents great anxiety because I didn't want to speak on the phone and I certainly didn't want to see anybody. Id used to wake up in the night with a jolt as if my heart had missed a beat, feel very, very anxious, and need to go and get a drink. It was really just my system saying, More alcohol, please! It was a horrible time when my drinking was at its worst. And apart from the physical side of it I just wanted to do normal things like have my hair cut, or go for a coffee, go and visit people and just do everyday stuff, and I wasn't in a fit state to do any of it. How did you stop? I just stopped, which is not to be recommended I know, but I was actually too ill to go and get any help so I just kind of sweated it out for about two or three days really. Then I phoned up here, and I was just so relieved I could come here, because I knew that if I could get back into some sort of support I was giving myself a chance, you know? Tell me about those early couple of weeks.

I did what I'd said I'd do, so if I said I'd come for an appointment or come to my group here then I would always come. I think that part of my personality has really helped and worked in my favour, that I'm quite a reliable person.. And stubborn? And stubborn, yeah, so that kept me going. I don't think I had too much craving because by the time I stopped drinking, the thought of drink made me feel nauseous, because I'd been so ill with it. Just the smell of it even now makes me feel a bit unwell. In a way I didn't have any options. The fun times of it were long, long ago, and that's really one of the main things that keeps me sober now is that. I know that if I had one night of drinking I'd be dependent upon it within 24 or 48 hours, so it's just not an option now. How long have you been not drinking now? Twenty two months. Give us a picture of the sort of phases or stages you've gone through in recovery in that time, good or bad. It's been 90% good, really. I'm a person that has ups and downs anyway, good days and bad days. I've never got really low, I don't suffer from depression but I don't have an even temperament. I keep a journal which is helpful, that's one of the things that's really helped me. In what way? It gives context to the bad days, I can see some days are bad and most days are good. Just the act of writing down I find cathartic. It's like coming to the group; just speaking about something that bothers me or writing it down seems to take the power out of it. I think I had a few weeks, I can't quite remember now, at about three months sober when I had quite a low mood, and I can remember coming here and feeling quite miserable.. Yes I remember that. I think it was about six months sober Yes, and I don't think that was anything to do with drinking or not drinking, that's just how I am. I had the odd moment when I fancied a drink, and I very occasionally think of a drink now, but [laughs] I've programmed myself now so that thought is swiftly followed by a very clear assessment of what the consequence would be.

And the 90% that's good? Definitely my parents, and my dad that's another reason I could never drink again is that he's just so pleased I've stopped drinking. They're not getting any younger and I can be there for them now. How awful would it be if one of them was ill and I wasn't in a fit state to go and see them even. My mum's quite frail and my dad's 83. And also my sister. A relationship with my sister was not on at all while I was drinking, she didn't want to have anything to do with me. I think she was angry with me, but I think it was more that she found it too painful. And that's restored now. And how do you find the Relapse Prevention Group here? I love the group! [laughs] I'd wanna be an alcoholic just to be in the group [both laugh]. It's interesting. I find other groups boring. The honesty in a group like that is outside of normal life. And there's no pretension in our group either; no-one's talking about being better or worst that anyone else. We have you as a referee, and we have a clearly defined etiquette, if you like, although it's not written down. I like that no-one can come to the group who is drinking. What other service have been helpful apart from coming here? I did find the Living Room very helpful when I went there, it was my fault that I stopped going. And I'm going to AA at the moment, and although I don't like everything about AA, it's good for me to be more adult and not just say, I don't like it so I shan't go!. For me that's very much the next stage of my recovery, really, because my impulsive behaviour wasn't just about my drinking but I could take a like or dislike to something without really giving

it a chance. My current situation is forcing me to be more adult, and to really look and think about what I'm saying. I don't always get it right, but it's about adopting adult behaviour, for the most part! [laughs]. What advice would you give to someone struggling with drinking, during that awful crucifying time when you know you need to change and can't? Well I'd say don't lose hope, because I thought I'd tried everything. And I think if I look at my alcoholism honestly, when I came here I was one of the sicker ones. I was getting to the point where I would have ended up in hospital. It's more a tribute to my physiology rather than my brain that I didn't, and when I hear other people recount their stories I think, I was quite a lot worst than that. So as bad as I was and I thought I'd tried everything - it's finding the thing that works for you. And the reason that coming here works for me is that, I had to take responsibility for my own drinking, but also had to take responsibility for my own recovery. It was up to me whether I came to my appointments, it's up to me whether I attend the group. Whereas other more rigid regimes worked for me while I was in them, but as soon as I was back in my own circumstances and thrown back on my own resources I didn't have the strength of character or maturity to deal with the craving or the idea of a drink. So the right use of will power is to continue to access help. A quick question where are you with the deeper, spiritual side of recovery? What does that mean to you? I don't know. I think I've found a place within myself now which is quite pleasant and quite quiet and I get quite a lot of peace from time to time. Obviously I go through times that are more

peaceful than others, but I think I'm able to keep more of a perspective on things. I do pray; I find it a lot easier to pray for other people than myself. Who do you pray to? I pray to God. Recently I've even thought of going back to church, though I'm still not sure if that's a good idea. So yeah, I have got a Higher Power, if you like. I wouldn't say I've got a deep faith but, I dunno, I'm continually surprised by things as well. And I do feel there's a kind of spiritual support around me, from people I know, and also from people who are dead but who were supportive to me in life, you know? So in my worst place I can sort of, pull up a grandstand of people I know who are supportive. I like that! [both laugh] Which is good, because I think a lot of my life I did feel quite isolated, and I think that led to a lot of my drinking, and to a lot of bad decisions in my life because I was looking for people to fix my feelings. Where are you with your bereavement? I'm alright now. Just certain things can trigger it, I'm sure it's the same for everybody, but I'm miles better than I was, miles better than I was. Any thoughts or ideas about what title you could have for your story? You'll probably have to think of something, it's not my forte! I'll leave it to you. Any last words to alcoholics reading this? Only, don't give up hope, whereever you are, but don't leave it too late either! [laughs] Very wise. Thank you.

ery. In the 12-Step tradition they encourage clients to develop a relationship with a Higher Power

The Living Room

The Living Room is a free nonresidential Treatment Centre which provides structured daily group therapy for people with a whole range of addictions, as well as providing support for their families. They enable people to become free of drug and alcohol misuse, eating disorders and behavioural addictions such as love, sex addiction and problem gambling. The Living Room offers therapy within a group that has a shared commitment to the goal of abstinence. The powerful motivational effect upon the individual that comes from this shared aspiration cannot be underestimated as he/she is supported and challenged on a daily basis to grow, develop and overcome their illness.

(whether this be their own particular religions conceptions of God, or something more abstract such as human potential, love or nature). They say they have many times seen the inspiration, joy and comfort that clients have found through exploring the spiritual facet of their lives whether through meditation, worship, prayer or contemplation. Their treatment staff are qualified counsellors and have each at least eight years of recovery from addiction. This personal experience of addiction helps reinforces the integrity of the approach in the eyes of the clients. The Living Room 8-10 The Glebe Chells Way Stevenage SG2 0DJ Telephone: 01438 355649 Fax: 01438 360098

The Living Room also offers a spiritual dimension to recovery: As well as providing cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and solution focused therapy, they actively encourage and support clients to embark on a spiritual journey as part of their recov-

Email: enquiries@thelivingroom.me.uk

Co-dependency
by J.H. Co-dependency is the predominance in ones personality of an infantile reliance on other people for ones own sense of identity. The syndrome develops during childhood and is liable to flourish in dysfunctional homes, particularly those where either or both parents are alcoholics or otherwise chemically dependent. Because of their addiction, the adult [s] in the house cannot be properly there for the children or indeed the spouse. As a sick person, the addict or alcoholic can find it extremely difficult to be a good enough parent or partner; that is, one who can be consistent or reliable. Chemical dependency can mean that all other aspects of life - including care-giving and nurturing take a secondary role. What nurturing is available tends to be erratic and unpredictable, and being a child living in such a household can be a precarious and anxiety-laden existence dictated by the ups and downs, highs and lows and presence and absence of addictive behaviour. Children often report that the unpredictability of a parents behaviour can be one of the worst aspects of growing up in such a household. For instance they may not know how the parent will be when the child comes home from school, or whether a treat promised during drunkenness will be withdrawn the next day. Very soon the child comes to expect to be let down. Some alcoholic households will be chaotic and obviously neglectful, with rows spilling out into the street. Other alcoholic parents, however, may be extremely conscientious in providing enough clothes and food, warmth and shelter, and will not be obviously neglectful or abusive. This seemingly normal home, however, may cover a more painful reality of insecurity and unhappiness. Not only will the consequences of drinking be hidden from outsiders, they are often unexpressed in the family itself, through unspoken rules against discussing the problem or by denial that any problems exist. Whether the home is chaotic or secretive, the child may grow up with a range of co-dependent behaviours involving an unhealthy need to focus on and look after others. For instance a child might need to develop a hyper-vigilant ability to read people and situations, be in the habit of calming or distracting drunken or argumentative parents and making the peace, and so look at another persons mood to see how they themselves are. This anxious focus on making sure another person is OK before the child [and later the adult] can feel OK is a key part of codependency. We do for others what they should be doing for themselves, and what we should be doing for ourselves.

GOOD AND BAD REMINDERS

THINGS TO REMEMBER by the Relapse Prevention Group at WDP Stevenage

How good it is sleeping well now Remember, alcohol is your enemy, not your friend Not lying any more or remembering your lies! Remembering my daughter Throwing my guts up down the toilet calling on Hughie, talking to God on the big white telephone or driving the porcelain bus Remember to fix yourself and not others Each day now, enjoying being me Having the choice Remembering having to fill up the recycling bin I like having money now Not sweating. When I asked which side of the bed my partner wanted, they said, the shallow end Getting my appetite back

You need to be prepared to accept help

Male, 31, staying at a homeless shelter Could you tell us a bit about your drinking, what it was like? I've always drunk since I was about 13 or 14, and that would be as part of a group, or a gang if you like, but that would just be Friday and Saturday nights as I tended to have to be home at a certain hour, And that would be cider which you could get in glass bottles then! [laughs], or one or two cans of Tennents Super, or Special Brew, or Thunderbird was the drink then. That was until I was about 16 or 17, still doing the same thing virtually every week. Then obviously you go through the stage of being able to get served, but not legally, and try and make yourself look older by the way you dress, and I started drinking initially in snooker halls, because they would turn a blind eye, it was easier, you got less attention. Then when you were almost of age started drinking in pubs and bars and clubs, and then it did get worse once you started to work and have your own money as such, it wasn't pocket money any more, it was your own money. So talking about the progression of alcohol, did things stay on a plateau for a while then? No, they got worse fairly quickly, and then stayed bad. Just being of that age, the happy hour, and the idea was to get drunk very quickly rather than enjoy a slow drink, you know, so it would escalate to shots. Was that just you or all your mates? Both, that was how we drank. But for me things started to get worse; - things like blackouts, memory gaps, getting lost and waking up on your own, falling asleep outside, getting into fights with other groups of people, as part of that group, and that carried on through until 19 or 20, and then it was drinking with people you worked with, another group of people, although I tended to moderate that a little bit, the behaviour or the amount. I could do that then; I could moderate my drinking if I had to. You'd match your drinking with the group you

were with? Yes, at that time, although I began to notice that at 19 I could drink a lot more than older people, and think, How come I can have five when this older man isn't drinking so much? I'd built up some sort of immune to it, a tolerance to it. But after that it got worse quite quickly. In my early 20's, I'd say, it shot up at that point. Still social drinking? Drinking out, but on my own. Sort of social, except you're not talking to no-one, you see what I mean? You might have the odd conversation, like if sport was on, but you went in on your own and sat on your own in pubs, anywhere really. I was working fairly long hours, and on Saturday, I'd work 6 to half 11, and be dropped off at the pub, which would only just be opening, I'd be trying the door, and drink until maybe mid-afternoon. Then I'd drink for three or four hours on my own, fairly quickly, gamble in the bookmakers, so flitting between the two. But then you'd get another group of friends that do the same, and that group was of very varied ages, old or young men, always sitting in the bookies, always sitting in the bar in the same position, and you built up a loose friendship with them. All these various groups. And there were friends who had been out the night before and not worked; they'd start coming out in the afternoon starting afresh, but by that time I'd already had 4, 5, 6, 7 pints. So in the pub during the day, you kind of get shifts of people coming and going, and the ones who stay all the way through? It quickly developed, especially at weekends, to being there all the time, from opening to closing times, social drinking.

So that was in your early 20's and now you're 31. What happened with your drinking during that time? It would vary from pubs to nightclubs, but I'd go to nightclubs when they opened about nine or ten o'clock after drinking in pubs, and not ever remember going there to the club, but wake with bands round my wrist, or a stamp on my hand, or finding out from friends the next day. That not remembering tended to make me very, very paranoid that I'd upset people, had I been robbed or lost my money? The number of door keys I must have lost. Then I'd wake up and find out I'd been banging on the door for two hours trying to get in during the night or something like that.

So this was still the beginning of your 20's? Yes. At 21 or 22, I went in for a detox, which was in the psychiatric ward, for two weeks. They said I was paranoid and having psychotic episodes. That was about 10 years ago. I'd been taking ecstasy and cocaine as well as drinking and they thought it was that, but later on I had similar episodes through coming off the drink, so I think it was a bit of both but more withdrawals from the drink. It somewhat shocked me, scared me, and I stopped drinking for six months after that. And at the end of six months, what happened? At first, people knew something had happened because when I got out I didn't contact any friends, but then I bumped into them and I started going out with friends again, to pubs. After a while it was someone's birthday, and I remember thinking, Christ, if they go out drinking I'm going to be pissed having a pint after six months. I'd better have a drink before to see how it goes, so I had a can. I'd almost put out of my mind all the trouble it had caused. I was feeling much better in my life, I'd got a new job, so I had a can walking from the shop to the house where I was meeting them and, surprisingly, not feeling that drunk, so I started to drink when I got there. As far as I can remember I stayed relatively sober, so I thought, 'I can do this! I haven't blacked out, I haven't had a psychotic episode... I'm OK.' I felt more comfortable in their company when I was drinking, and then after that my drinking just got back into how it had been previously, almost straight away. And what was it that it went back to? Drinking on my own, drinking with friends, and then drinking

after work every night, which I wasn't doing before. I was in a different house now, in a small room, in a cheap room, but I had nothing in there; no TV, no radio, nothing. Very little of my own stuff, like one pair of jeans and a couple of shirts, so I'd just be in my work clothes, so I'd go every evening to the pub, but I'd also stop half-way home from work to drink in different places, but that caused problems with missing buses, getting drunk and spending money that I hadn't got, losing bus tickets, things like that. During the years following that it was just heavy drinking. Every evening, weekends were very, very heavy drinking. Sometimes I could go from Friday night through to Sunday evening and not go home. Mostly lager and beers on my own, but with a group of friends it would be spirits and wine, but I didn't drink in the place I was staying. It escalated in terms of volume because I was earning more. OK, so you'd been on a plateau of heavy drinking for pretty much 10 years, and I know the end of the story is that you're currently staying at a homeless shelter in Hitchin Yes. I got made redundant last year, when I was 30, and was made homeless. I was just living in the park or staying on people's sofas, and friends, fellow drinkers, were asking me how come I had nothing except the clothes I was wearing, and how I'd gone from a job and a place to this. I was still drinking, to be honest, if I was staying out so I could get some sleep as well. By stay out you mean sleep rough? Yes. I went to the council and there was nothing there, and then I went to the GP who wasn't very sympathetic, but he gave me a sheet of addresses like AA and he suggested going to CDAT, the

Community Drug and Alcohol Team. Went there, went through 50 questions, and they asked me what I was drinking, and it was the real cheapo stuff; - White Lightning, Frosty Jack, the 7 and a half % chemical stuff. There's almost a comedown off that stuff I've never drunk anything that made you feel that bad. It's like no other drink, spirit or lager. Palpitations, sweats, paranoia, which I'd had before but it was worse with this stuff. It was also a group thing - the cider - and going into places, flats, I wouldn't have gone to before. The state of the places! If I was someone I knew looking at myself I'd have said, What are you doing?! At a lot of the places I was staying there were other drinkers and heroin users going in and out, and I couldnt even remember how Id got there or what had happened. How did you go from this, what you are talking about, to where you are now? At the end of this January I went to knock at my friends because I had nowhere to stay, and they were both away for the weekend, but their 20 year old lad was there and asked me in, and we bought some beers, and I thought, What am I doing sitting up drinking with a 20 year old? it just didn't deem right, and the next day went to the council to look at shelters. Then just literally went to the phone box I only had a bag with a red cardigan and some bits and pieces and a pair of socks, then phoned through the list of hostels, and used the last of my money to get there, even though there was no guarantee they'd let you in without all the paperwork done, but we managed to sort that out and I went in that night. They recommended WDP in Hitchin Once I'd been admitted to the hostel and had the basics a meal, a shower and a bed [though I didn't sleep the first couple of nights]. The people in the shelter suggested

things to do, in a constructive way and so I went to WDP in Hitchin. What was it like? At WDP? It was good. I went in there and I thought it would only be for drug users, but I noticed leaflets and stuff to do with drink. I met Maria, done the forms, spent a lot of time with her. I told her I'd reduced my drinking and stopped on the 31st, at the end of January, so I was a week off the drink when I got to WDP. What have the last six months been like, honestly. The bad as well as the good? The good has been the physical things. My eyesight's improved. The way you look when you look at yourself in the mirror you don't look so puffy. When you wake in the morning, you feel like you've got more energy. And the bad side? If you're always thinking and always worrying. I've learned that I'm a natural worrier. So you find it difficult to switch your brain off? how do you deal with worries now you're not drinking? I've took to counting them. I'd count them, and try to deal with them at the end of the day, as opposed to worrying about them there and then, as I'd either come to a block, or waste half an hour trying to out-think that problem. So if you have five worries a day you just spend a lot of time going over things and not going to places. What advice would you give to someone who was thinking about stopping? A lot of people think that you can only do it yourself, but I'd add with the help of others. With good support, with the right support, because I think you do need it. And... I could say it was just lucky that I phoned that hostel, and then got that help from WDP, but you've got to make that initial starting point, otherwise you won't get either good or bad luck. You have to try these different things, because before I would never entertain the services like this, or AA, or anything like that. How do you cope with being in a hostel where people are going out drinking in the day? It can be difficult. I've never checked out the local pubs in Hitchin, although there's loads there,

which is one of the first things I would have done! [laughs] But I've stayed out of all pubs, and I also try to stay out of bookies. So Hitchin is a haven where I'm never going to drink, never going into a pub, and never going into a bookies. At least I know that one place is safe. Also I went to a church in Hitchin, and although I'm not religious, some of the points they were making were relevant to not drinking. Like what? Just.. thinking about other people, or looking at other people and trying to not tolerate, but trying to understand their behaviour. Is there anything else you'd like to say? For anyone that's thinking about getting help, even if at first it doesn't seem like it's suitable for you, give it a try. And if it's not for you, say, but then look for another one. So even if you go for that help and it's not right, try another service that will open the door for you. Lastly, any idea what the title of you story might be, to pick a title? 'You need to be prepared to accept help', something like that? Perfect! -

North Herts Sanctuary in Hitchin

The Sanctuary is a 17 bed night hostel, providing temporary accommodation for homeless people. The hostel amenities include showers, washing and laundry facilities and TV room. The cost is 1.50 per night, which includes the use of all services and amenities, a cooked tea and breakfast and a packed lunch 25 Nightingale Road Hitchin Hertfordshire SG5 1QU Tel: 01462 435835 Email: nhsanctuary@btconnect.com.

Dreading the Dawn

Looking back on drinking, now 6 months sober, by C.
The light through the curtain shows the coming dawn My heart feels fear, knowing Im alcohols pawn. The shakes have not started but I know they will soon Ill try to hang on until the clock strikes noon. I take my wife in breakfast and a cup of tea in bed at seven, Knowing I wont be able to carry it in by the time its eleven. I make it til two, but the shakes are in full throttle, I go to the fridge and stare with gloom at the bottle. Deep down inside the nagging doubt something is ethically wrong, Logic does not stand a chance, the call of the bottle is far too strong. I place a glass in the sink filling it spilling it just making it to half way, With shaking hands I take my first demon drink of the day. My wife has been calling me to help her get out of bed, But the thought of letting her see me drunk fills me with dread. After four pints I can handle her care. Saying I have been writing but now I am there, Ive sucked on mints and cleaned my teeth, I enter the room always avoiding her stare. Ive helped her shower and help her dress but Im truly in a mess my body craves I drink another three pints, cooking her lunch my body and mind craves and raves. I sneak more drinks while doing the cooking, my wife sitting on the settee, I place the tray upon her knee, I throw my lunch into the bin no food for me. Another day passes full of lies my true ethos on life, left on dusty shelf, My wife knows of my drinking, I have succeeded in lying to myself. I help her undress and get to bed, we kiss but I avoid her eye, I take the cider from the fridge, going to the front room I begin to cry. Dawn light through my curtain Im certain what will ensue, Another day of endless drinking, and countless trips to the loo.

How long did it take me to turn into the freak of freaks, Dear reader youll be surprised it took just six weeks. This is not about self pity but a precautionary tale, Think on dear reader next time you pick up your ale. How many units have you taken on this week, It does not take long to become my kind of freak.

If we put our minds to it, we can all be successful for a single day. Then for tomorrow, and all your tomorrows to come, repeat what you did today.

outs who are still drinking, or a fear that that AA is a religious cult, or a fear of bumping into someone they know, or having to stand up and say Im an alcoholic. Of course some people simply do not like groups, or have a fear being put on the spot. You can phone the local AA number [the North Herts no. is 01438 747475 for Royston / Letchworth / Stevenage / Hitchin / Welwyn] and arrange to meet someone at a meeting, but let us say you have the address of a meeting local to you, and decide to give it a try on your own If you arrive about quarter to 8 you will find several people inside setting up the room, and a few more outside having a cigarette. If you approach someone and say it is your first meeting [and we suggest that you do], you will be made very welcome and offered a tea or coffee. Let us say there are a dozen people there. Youll find they are a cross section of people from all walks of life, and the majority of people there will have been sober for a matter of days, weeks, years or perhaps decades. The meetings are anonymous. But as an added safeguard, If you do bump into someone you knew there, are they really likely to say, I was at an AA meeting and I bumped into..? In practice this is extremely unlikely. When everyone sits down inside, the secretary that runs the meeting will start things off and introduce the chair who is simply one of the people who attends the meeting who has been sober a while, and who will give a talk for 15

What can you expect at your first AA meeting?

Unlike other agencies or organisations, AA is not run by counsellors, doctors or other health professionals, but by people who have stopped drinking and who want to help others in order to stay sober themselves. It doesnt cost anything to go as the meetings are run on a voluntary basis. A pot is passed round at the end to pay for tea, coffee, biscuits and rent. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are held in church halls, or hospitals, or anywhere the rent is inexpensive. Meetings are held in the same venues at the same time on the same day each week, in almost every village and town across the country, and in most areas of Britain one could attend a different meeting each evening without travelling very far. Very often the meetings begin at 8 pm and last for 90 minutes. Sometimes people are put off from attending by mistaken preconceptions., such as a fear that the meeting will be a room full of down-and-

or 20 minutes about what their drinking was like, how they stopped and how they are dealing with their problems now they are sober.

After they have finished, people will take turns talking [sharing] about whatever they want, whether thats about what their drinking was like, or about problems they are dealing with now. A.A. is not a discussion group, and people only talk one at a time. When people share they will The biggest fact of AA is that it works announce they are about to talk by for millions of people. saying, Im so-and-so and Im an alcoholic, and show theyve finished talking by saying, Thank you. You do not have to talk at all, How to stay off alcohol long term and if you wish to speak you can by the Relapse Prevention Group in Stevenage just introduce yourself by your first name alone. People do not stand up to talk, whatever you might have seen on the telly! You will be under Try not to swallow the idea of long term notdrinking all at once just take it a minute, an hour or a no pressure to speak, and you can day at a time just be a fly on the wall and see Tell people around you that youve stopped. A statement, like announcing a wedding what happens there. Sometimes people describe AA as religious. People in AA believe that most people cant stop drinking, stay stopped and be happy without asking for help, whether thats from doctors, counsellors, other people with the same problem, or some kind of spiritual help. They have a program of recovery to help clear up the wreckage of the past, rebuild relationships and put their lives on a new footing, called the 12 Steps. As part of that program it is suggested to people that they reflect on the idea that someone up there must be looking after them and to develop
Seek medical attention for tablets to deal with withdrawals, for a blood test, and for vitamin B1 [thiamine] and B compound when you stop Ask for help. Try all kinds of support to see what suits you; - AA, other groups, counselling, your GP or the CDAT for a detox Find alternative interests alcoholism is very isolating Constant vigilance about the alcohol having a drink problem isnt the most important thing about you unless you start drinking again and then it will be Learn to keep good boundaries with people find the middle ground between doormat and psychopath List the things drink did for you those are the needs you need to meet some other way once you stop Keep a journal Find a way to remind yourself of the bad old days of drinking one memory

their own individual view of what that source of spiritual support is for them, often referred to as a higher power or as God. It is not a requirement, just a way for people to talk about what seems to be a common experience of something-or-other meeting people more than half way when their own resources failed them. Some AAs follow a standard religion, but the majority do not.

Stopped in Time
Mum, 40, Carer for the elderly with dementia What sort of person are you? I think I'm quite an optimistic, bubbly sort of person. On the whole I'm a happy-go-lucky sort of person, quite confidant, enjoy life, enjoy my life with my children. What sort of stresses or losses or pressures led up to your drinking? My marriage breakup, definitely my marriage breakup. 14 years ago in 1997. Also pressure of jobs; - I work with the elderly with dementia. That's incredibly, incredibly demanding. That's an excuse really, but the first thing I'd do is get home and have a drink. And things like bringing up children on my own, kids, debts. Worrying about losing my home. Just coping financially and emotionally on my own with two small children. It seemed to spiral from that point. I know you drank bottles of wine at home. When did it turn from going out and having a few drinks with friends to drinking alone at home? All my social life for the last ten years has been around alcohol, going to people's houses, going down the pub. Probably about eight years ago I started drinking solitary as well. How much was it to start? Probably a bottle initially, in the evening while I was getting them

to bed when they were younger, and then it was while I was cooking tea as it got earlier and earlier. Some people hit a plateau where it stays at the same level for a long time... It did for a while where I wasn't desperate I didn't need to get in the door and have a drink, I'd think, 'Oh, I'll look forward to that later.' and maybe start a bottle of wine about seven o'clock, I didn't think it was abnormal. I didn't go out an awful lot and it was my way of winding down. Was anybody else questioning your drinking? Later on, yeah. My youngest daughter who was then thirteen and she started noticing, she'd say, Why are you having a bottle of wine, you had one yesterday. and I'd been doing this for about five years and I just found it really strange that suddenly she was noticing it; it irritated me because my drinking had been very open up to that point.. You must have felt justified. I was irritated because my kids had never said, Mum, you drink too much. Maybe that's why I thought it was normal. When she questioned it I sort of laughed it off and said, Oh I work hard, I pay for it, I don't go out a lot, and sort of jollied it along like that. By that time it was more than a bottle anyway; I'd finish one and start on the the second one. How bad did your drinking get? I started drinking in the morning. On my days off, and that is a fact, I didn't ever drink when I had work. No that's a lie, I wouldn't drink on a early shift, but I would drink when I was doing a late shift when I was starting at six.. But on my days off I'd be sitting

watching Jeremy Kyle and pouring out a couple of glasses at half past nine, ten o'clock, knowing it was not normal, it wasn't right. I'd be getting up, dropping my daughter at school at, say, half past eight, and at quarter to ten time, if there was wine in the fridge I would start drinking it. I wasn't even wanting it, I didn't enjoy it. What was the first help you tried to get for your drinking? It was here at WDP Drugsline, two and half years ago. I confided in a friend that I had a drink problem and she suggested contacting here. I just thought I wanted counselling, I never thought of AA, I don't know why; I knew I had a drink problem but perhaps I wasn't ready to admit I was an alcoholic. Why did you seek help then? Had anything happened? I think I'd just had enough. I was drinking every day, and I knew other people weren't. I was still functioning, still working successfully and not actually drinking at work I never got to that stage. And then my friend died of alcohol, she was found dead. And I was doubled up with stomach pains, and I read up on what it does to you physically, what it does to your organs, and I thought, 'I'm going to die of one of these illnesses.' So it was a combination of all those things. So when you came to Drugsline to see me, what was it like? It was quite a relief just to talk to someone that understands what it's like. But I kept wanting to justify it, or to be told that I didn't have a problem! [laughs] So if I'd have said, Oh no, you're alright, your not really an alcoholic, we have much worse that come in

Yeah, that's right! How did you come to stop? It took a long time coming here and talking about it and cutting down. Then you suggested I go to an AA meeting, and I remember getting very emotional when I went because I identified with what was said. By the time I went to my second meeting five weeks later I'd stopped drinking. How that happened was I was at work on a Sunday and I didn't have any money for drink, so I asked somebody if I could borrow 5, and they said, No, and so I didn't have anything all day Sunday, went home and had no ill effects and I thought, 'Wow'. I didn't drink on Monday, but by the evening I felt unsettled - just weird and a bit strange - so I went to Asda, bought a bottle of wine, drank it during the evening and actually didn't enjoy it but felt all light-headed, like,Whoa being 24 hours plus without it. I didn't drink the next day which is when I gave you a ring, and you said by cutting back and then all that stopping and starting I'd detoxed myself. I thought I was going to withdraw and have these horrible shakes but it wasn't like that. I just presumed everybody has them. And that was how long ago? Two years ago! [laughs] How did you feel the first couple of weeks after stopping? Fantastic! Just Wow! Why didn't I do this years ago! And that is not a lie, on my kids life I did not miss it, never missed it and I have no desire to drink. Drinking was a lot harder than not drinking. I've heard a lot of people say it's hard not drinking, and the thought of it every day but I don't get that. Somebody said to me yesterday, If you'd got the chance I bet you'd have a drink but no I don't want one. They're actually more! The funny thing is, sometimes there's more stress or as much as, but it just feels better, 'This too shall pass' [laughs]. I'm even quoting AA now but it's so true! If you were talking to someone who drinks like you did, what advice would you give to them? Well hopefully go to AA, definitely AA, but that's just for me. And WDP Drugsline one to one counselling really, definitely worked. The Relapse Prevention Group has been great too, not doing it on your own. I've sometimes heard you say that some of the stories you've heard wasn't like you. My drinking was bad enough, but I've never had the shakes or wet the bed when I was drinking. Tell me what AA gives you. I stopped on the Monday and went to my proper first AA meeting on the Thursday, and I've been going ever since. Sometimes identification with other people. Just being around people that aren't drinking helps me, absorbing that, rather than being around people that are pissed. I do like going, and I know I need to go. Tell me about some of the challenges in recovery that you've had to deal with. Yeah just... debts, sorting it out with Citizens Advice, taking action there and doing something about it. Problems with my daughters, though not so much now. My oldest daughter was off the Richter Scale originally and it was hard to stand back and not let it engulf my life. And work of course. So the same stresses are still there in your life?

Out of interest, what's the nature of your alcoholism? You've faced it, you're dealing with it; what's the nature of the problem? I just need not to drink, to avoid drink, all drink, in every way, really. To not drink. I know it sounds quite simple really, doesn't it? It's not for everyone, but for me, just don't drink. That's what you hang onto; whatever happens, you just don't drink? Yes, I just find that easy. Well it's not easy but If I'm upset I know, in the back of my mind that drink will magnify it times a hundred. You strike me as someone who has developed a good instinct for when you don't have enough support and what to do about it. If I started missing meetings I would be worried. I even told someone the other day that if it wasn't for AA I would drink again. She laughed and said, Don't be daft! but I think I would. Even though I've no desire to drink now, if I started thinking I was OK... Lastly, how about a title for your story? 'Stopped in Time? That's only because they've got that one in the AA book! They've got, 'They Stopped in Time' [laughs]. By the way, you know we were talking about hoarding the other day? I'll tell you something funny, after two years I've still a load of empty bottles in a wardrobe; I've got to get rid of them! It did tickle me; my partners going to get a van. Good luck with that, and thank you!

Why I love the Relapse Prevention Group by M.

Ive been facilitating Relapse Prevention Groups for ten years now, first of all for HACS [the Herts Alcohol Counselling Service] in Holly Lodge in Cheshunt one evening a week [which I am still doing, ], and now for WDP for the last few years, two mornings a week here in Stevenage Old Town. They are open to people who have stopped drinking and who want support in maintaining their goal of abstinence. The Stevenage groups are usually between 3-8 people each time and are for an hour and a half. We only have three rules; - no drink or drugs that day, confidentiality about who attends and what they say, and respect for others opinions. In practice it is a group of people talking about coping with all that life has the throw at us, without drink. Im doing my job when others are talking with each other, though we do come in with a few questions now and then. Nearly twenty years ago I did some work at The Priory, and the Relapse Prevention Groups have the same format as their Aftercare Groups. We try to help people attending to use their own resources to prevent their own relapse rather than trying to prevent them from relapsing. In other words we work to encourage people to become resourceful rather than solving their problems ourselves, so the only advice we consistently give is to access more support. What we do instead is to create a space where people can talk things through, with us or each other and say [and so learn] how they really feel about things something that they dont usually have the opportunity to do elsewhere. When people are honest it creates the opportunity for others to find similarities. If people have survived a difficult time we always ask why they chose not to drink or use and specifically how they have managed it, so they can be aware of their motivation and their successful coping strategies, and share those strategies with each other. Instead of giving advice we help them to look at both sides of things, help them list the options and ask them what they might do, since people remember and act on what they themselves have said and decided. But one of the main things I like about the group is that its not me talking! Also, when Im walking through Stevenage New Town or driving up the A10 to work, I cant say Im a big fan of other people. But sitting in the group and hearing the courage that people have in dealing with their day to day lives often coping with situations that I could not guess if Id met them for the first time leaves me with a deep respect for others, and gives me the feeling that Ive landed on the right planet after all. Im lucky to do the job I do, and it is an honour and a privilege to sit in the Relapse Prevention Group each week.

He lost his Mojo, but found Recovery

Male DJ, 30s. My first question is how did your drinking start? Probably like most people, about mid-teens. I remember earlier as a kid maybe having a cheeky sip, my dad's beer, and I absolutely hated the taste, it was foul! In fact in my early teens I was very anti-smoking and anti-drinking. It wasn't until maybe 14 or 15 that I stated going off the rails; from being a model student I discovered the things that teenage lads do, like drinking a few cans at the weekends, a few cigarettes, and it really just spiraled from there. I guess as my behaviour outside of school became wilder, I seem to have become more popular, including with people of the opposite sex, and my social life improved, and I became more confident. So drinking went with that. How about drugs? Well just drink and cigarettes at first, then cannabis, speed, ecstasy, though they were more social things; - the drink progressed further. Was if important for you to be popular? Yeah, I probably wanted to be popular for the wrong reasons, in hindsight [laughs]. I did well at school, but that didn't really sit well with your peers I suppose. You wanted to be cool? Looking back I think I was quite cool. A new lad started at school

who had a real interest in music as well, and I started to put together a collection, and he was the sociable one that everyone loved he wore all the labels while I was more the hardworking one, and we set up a DJ-ing duo. My parent's blamed him for what happened later but I can make my own mind up. How did your drinking progress? Well at the beginning of that time, age 14 or 15 it was just Friday and Saturday nights with pocket money, didn't drink during the week on a school night type of thing. The DJ-ing was from 16 to 24. At first it was just school discos, youth clubs and charity events, then about 17 to 18 we were working in clubs and people would buy us drinks. But 19 to 20 was the downward slope with drink, when I went away to university. What happened? I didn't fit in, stopped going to lectures, worked more or less full time and spent my free time drinking, until the university contacted my parents and I was brought home in disgrace. They'd though I was doing well and sending me money each week for food, and I'd been living a second life. How bad did your drinking get? By the time I stopped last year, if I had the money I'd be drinking from waking up until I passed out, getting up again, finishing off half-drunk cans. I had tabs at most of the pubs; I didn't eat really, all my money went on either cigarettes or alcohol. I was borrowing money from my parents for the key meter of my house and put two pounds on the electric and ten pounds on drink. What was your rock bottom?

I've had worse times on drink, but I failed to turn up at yet another family birthday celebration. I had no confidence to go out, though there were presents I'd actually bought, and trying to drink myself confidant to go and ended up not being able to do anything and missing the day, my sister's birthday, and the next day I made the phone call to WDP in Royston, to try and get an assessment. What happened? I spoke to a chap there and said, Look, I really think I need help as I was desperate at this point; I was scared of my physical health but that seemed to be the final wake-up call. I had a couple of cans of lager to boost my confidence and went in and had a chat. They were very friendly and talked to someone there, and I didn't feel I was being judged at all and I felt quite at ease. I got quite upset as I recounted some of the things that had happened, and it felt like the first stone was lifted off my shoulders then. I arranged to go back and see a key worker, and I came out of there feeling like a new man. I'd faced my demons, and I went up to my mum and dad and told them about it all and that this was me turning over a new leaf, and another stone lifted off my shoulder.

We had a really good heart-to-heart with the whole family

Then we came up with a plan that I'd go back to stay with them for a while rather than go back to my own house. I started feeling better. Both my sisters were living there at the time and I started telling them about how I'd gone into WDP and I actually started enjoying telling the story! [laughs]. I wasn't exaggerating but it was like, There were ten of them, and then another twenty came! Basically, we had a really good

heart-to-heart with the whole family, and they all said they'd support me, and I felt great. So was that the end of the problem, drinking wise? Well no, that evening I started feeling rally really shaky, anxious, and physically ill. I said I was going in the garden for a cigarette but I was throwing up at the back of the house. I had withdrawals. I had a couple of drinks that night that my family provided and then stayed there a couple of months, sober. Slowly I started to eat, it probably took a week and a half, before that I was just drinking water. I was shaking that much the stairs were bad, but slowly but surely that went away. At night I'd be jerking, like a fit coming on, which was quite frightening, and made me want to drink, but I stuck to my word. I wasn't quite under house arrest, but sort of. I had one to one sessions in Royston, and started coming to the Relapse Prevention Group here in Stevenage. What's that been like, good or bad? Brilliant. From going from a place where you feel that everything you've done, you're the person ever to have done it, to being in a group of people where, nine times out of ten people have done or thought or been the same as you are, which makes you feel less alone. In some ways it makes you feel more determined, when you see the pain or the struggles they're going through you think, Well mine aren't that bad, or If they've done that, I can do this.

started fitting in the bed, which scared my son. So along the way you had a family? I had children, split up with their mother, divorced. Love my children to bits they're seven and eleven - but I was never a good role model to them, but never saw drink as the problem until recently. And all I can say is, that giving up the drink is the best thing I've ever done. The link with them is so much stronger. I've got energy levels now that I never had. Before that I was never a proper parent, taking them out when I was drunk, letting them down time and time again, to the point where my daughter didn't want to stay in the house with me.

It's eased off, feeling frustrated or edgy

I didn't see this, I thought it was just her age, but funnily enough I've stopped drinking and she won't stay anywhere else, she won't go. I wake up and get out of bed more awake than my son is, which I never thought would ever happen! [laughs] It's tough sometimes, I can get short-tempered, but I know enough now to get someone round to help me, and it's eased off, feeling frustrated or edgy. What's bad about recovery? I lost my mojo, my confidence, and the part of me that I thought I needed to do anything. It's still taking me a long time to realise that drink was holding me back, not helping me forward. It's a long and winding road of recovery, but each week and each day there's something different, or I see parallels or connections, and I realise that it was the drink that caused the problem. There wasn't another problem; the drink was really the problem. Have you been depressed in recovery? Well yes, I've been on and off anti-depressants and anti-psychotics since I was about twenty-two-ish. For a long time the doctor said, Well, stop drinking and then we can treat the depression, but I never thought the drink was the problem. But I've stopped drinking, on different anti-depressants, and along with the help, the counselling, help from other agencies, and courses, it's all starting to fit together. Tell me about your ambitions? To be honest I avoid ambitions. I have things I would like, but I don't feel confident enough to ever...

I can't let these people down

You get a sense of camaraderie. While it has to be for yourself, having other people around you, you feel some level of, I can't let these people down. I'm doing this for me, but it added another level of defence, another reason not to drink. It's also good to have somewhere to complain a bit, and somewhere to whinge! [laughs] Going back, you said it was you physical health that worried you what in particular? Vomiting first thing in the morning, bringing up acid bile, horrible stuff, and of course my solution was have a drink, then it would stop. At the other end I was very loose! It was just coming in one end and coming out the other, and also the fits had happened a couple of times. Instead of seeking help, I'd tried to forget about it through more drink. I thought, 'As long as I drink Ill be fine', as they were withdrawals. I had my children staying in the holidays, so I cut back on the alcohol but I

What would you like, in an ideal world? Just a normal life. A relationship, a job. But I'm still at the point where I don't know if any of those things would be a good idea, or whether they'd set me back. I'm pretending at life, but not willing to take any serious steps. You feel self protective. So what advice would you give to anyone who is stopping drinking? If you're concerned there is a problem, just get help. Some people have bad experiences with their GP, I was quite fortunate I guess. Try everything. Try AA. It might not be for everyone, but it might be for you. I think it is trying to find the right blend of help for each person. Nothing fits everybody. What have you learned in recovery? I've learned that I've got some inward confidence that I'd thought had evaporated. It's always there, it's just the drink had more or less shattered it, or taken its place. I've realised that you can't do things on your own. Just to put your hand up, and ask for help when you can. I think not having one drink is the key. I think that first drink would probably be the killer. Having a support network is really important, and not being afraid to ask for help. OK, the last question I'm going to ask you is, any thoughts about what you'd like the title of your story to be? I don't know. OK, thanks.

Stevenage & North Herts Women's Resource Centre

Stevenage & North Herts Resource Centre is a voluntary organisation providing a safe and confidential, women-only environment for women aged 18 and over. Volunteers have a range of information and staff provide both support and a "listening ear". Services include: one-to-one support appointments vocational and educational guidance support groups drop-in sessions domestic violence drop-in advocacy self-development courses solicitors surgery telephone support counselling The centre also runs regular open mornings which give women the opportunity to come together to share their thoughts, concerns or worries in a safe, friendly environment. For more information: Stevenage & North Herts Womens Resource Centre 37-39 The Hyde Shephall Stevenage Herts SG2 7DS Tel : 01438 742742 Web: www.wrc.org.uk/

Benefits and Disadvantages of Drinking

+ + + Short term pluses + + + - - - Short term minuses - - -

Drink was my best friend Forget who I am and whats going on Feeling popular, socialising Calms your nervous system and animates you Felt sophisticated, confidence A warm glow Sleep deal with panic attacks Dealing with boredom Being a part of Having an off switch Numbness, not caring More fun, being the life and soul Appetite suppressant Sense of completeness Having the alcohol to blame The taste + + + Long term pluses + + +

Carrying on drinking Dis-inhibition cringe factor Violence Verbal abuse Running out of money Slurring and repetition Personal space Smelly! The one night stand Losing things, bruising Falling out with people Not being bothered Letting others down Not able to eat Talking rubbish Falling over sobering up - - - Long term minuses - - -

Er..

Brain damage, mental health Lose house, lose job Lack of sleep, panic attacks Short term s become long term s Health - liver, pancreatitis Stroke, heart attack, throat cancer Lose relationships with family and yourself Always poor - drink and impulse buying Feel like a failure Permanent guilt, shame, embarrassment Waste of time and life Death

Just for Today

Just for today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime. Just for today, I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. Just for today, I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it. Just for today, I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don't want to--just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it. Just for today, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself. Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision. Just for today, I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life. Just for today, I will be afraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Look To This Day

Look to this day For it is life, The very life of life. In its brief course lie all The realities and verities of existence, The bliss of growth, The splendour of action, The glory of power . . . For yesterday is but a dream, And tomorrow is only a vision. But today, well lived, Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness And every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day.

Sanskrit Proverb

The Revolving Door Model

Originally created as a tool for giving up smoking, and found to be useful for all areas of change. Dealing with an alcohol problem can be seen as going through a door, with problem drinking on one side, and success on the other. However as addiction is difficult to deal with, this is a revolving door; - you may find yourself going round a few times before coming out the other side. Problem drinking may be either daily dependant top-up drinking, or bouts of binge drinking. Success depends on your goal, which may be either complete abstinence from alcohol, or perhaps controlled, social drinking. But as weve said, whatever your aim this process of dealing with problem drinking is a revolving door; - you may find yourself going round a few times before you come out the other side. The first place on our model is the point before we realise theres a problem, labelled Pre-Contemplation at bottom right. That just means, before we think we have a problem. Then something, or a series of events, happens to make us realise that it is a problem and that wed better do something, and we move into Contemplation, or thinking what to do. Having made some sort of decision about what course to take, we move into Action, which is doing whatever weve decided. Next is Maintenance, or keeping it up day by day. Then is Relapse or slipping back. Strangely this is the most useful stage, because this is where we get the information we need about how to adjust our actions. Instead of saying, Sod it, Ive screwed up, Ill never do this, we go into Contemplation again and ask ourselves what we could do different next time, and put that revised plan into action. After weve been round the door a few times we come up with a plan thats going to work long-term. Now lets put someone through this change process. John is 44 and wants to stop drinking after his boss has called him in for a warning. John drinks regularly and heavily but has days off from alcohol so he doesnt need a detox. He goes into Contemplation and decides his action will be to stop for a month before deciding what to do about his drinking longer-term. He gets through the first week, and then rewards himself with one drink on Friday evening. Unfortunately that one drink turns into another and the relapse lasts all weekend, undoing the trust hed built up at home and leaving him feeling shaky and ill on the train to work on Monday. John decides that having a drink as a reward for not drinking is not the way ahead, and decides to get back on track with his goal of a getting to a month sober. He gets through the week, and half way through the next his train is delayed coming home after work. When he comes home his wife accuses him of drinking, which upsets him so

much he storms off and gets drunk, and his drinking continues for the next few days. Going back into Contemplation after the Relapse he decides he needs some support, and takes Action by seeing his doctor. His doctor suggests John calls WDP, to see a counsellor, which he does. Talking things through with the counsellor, John decides to give his goal of a months abstinence another go. The counsellor suggests John attends the relapse prevention group one morning a week, and an AA meeting or two in the evenings to give him even more support during the first weeks, but John says hes happy with coming to see the counsellor once a week. John racks up a week sober, then another week, and then goes to a family wedding the next weekend. He talks it through with the counsellor, planning his escape route if he feels twitchy or what to say if someone presses him for a drink.

He gets through the wedding, and at the end of the month he decides to continue not drinking for a couple of weeks, until his birthday. Then goes out for a meal and gets through the evening with just a couple of drinks, but the weekend after has a binge which lasts into the next week and leads to another warning at work. Going back into the Contemplation stage he decides to stick to abstinence and to actually try going to A.A. in the evenings to get more support. He is using the experience of his lapses to adjust his course and maintain the changes hes made.

The End

Controlled drinking vs. Abstinence

Anyone who wishes to make changes to their drinking has a choice between, 1. trying to control their drinking, 2. taking a break from drinking and then trying to control their drinking, or 3. just stopping drinking altogether. Lets look at the first option; - controlled drinking. Ask yourself how far youd have to go back to a time when you could control and enjoy your drinking say, having a couple of drinks once or twice a week. If you can honestly say that you used to drink at that sort of moderate level up until the last year or two, and began to drink more because of a particular stress or life event, it may well be that you can find better ways to cope with whatever loss or worry that has caused you to drink more in recent months. Similarly, if you have been drinking heavily each day or binge drinking - for more than a few years, but you can still look back to a time when you could control and enjoy your drinking without much effort, it may not be too late to pull back from the edge and moderate your intake. We would first of all suggest getting some help and support from your family and from alcohol services such as WDP or Turning Point. Keep a record of your drinking, noticing the circumstances when you tend to drink more; - who with, where and when. Once you have a clear and honest picture what your drinking is like, make a goal that you want to achieve, and a plan to get there. For instance a goal might be to drink within the government health guidelines. It would also be essential to keep the drink driving limit in mind when setting a goal, and to take into account that it generally takes an hour for your body to get rid of one unit of alcohol. The health guidelines and the drink driving limit give you an upper limit for your intake, but we would suggest having more days not drinking than drinking. Having one or two drinks at weekends might be a usual goal. Now make a plan to reduce over several weeks from your current intake to your goal. If you slip back now and then, dont beat yourself up, just dust yourself off and get back on track the next day . Remember to reward yourself for doing well but not with a drink! Your incentive to succeed is that if you dont manage to meet your goals then you may have to consider one of the next options a period of abstinence to give

yourself a better chance of making the change, or just stopping drinking altogether. Option two; taking a break from drinking and then trying to control it. You have obviously had a lot of practice at drinking, so it looks like some practice in not drinking is in order! If you are drinking more than 90 to 100 units a week you might be in danger of serious withdrawals if you stop dead, so you will need to reduce over a period of weeks, or have medication to help you come off the alcohol to prevent possible fitting or D.T.s, as stopping suddenly can occasionally be fatal. We would very strongly suggest you involve your G.P. for professional medical support, though to be honest they are unlikely to give you medication to stop if you plan to start drinking again afterwards. So reducing. You may reduce your drinking by up to a quarter [25%] each week but no more. If you drink cans then whatever the special offers on a pack, just buy one less can until you have stopped. If you drink wine you have more of a problem, as it is can be difficult to leave some in the bottle. If you are serious about cutting back, decide what your intake will be and throw the rest of the bottle away! If you drink large amounts of spirits, buy smaller sized bottles to reduce. Dont forget to drink plenty of fluids, water if possible, as you reduce. You will need to be taking thiamine [vitamin B1] and a general B vitamin tablet while you are withdrawing, and perhaps vitamin C too. Once you have reduced to zero we recommend you give yourself the best possible odds by not drinking for one, two or three months before attempting occasional social drinking. I would always suggest 90 days/ three months, as that will give you enough opportunities to deal with drinking situations and find ways to cope with them without having to drink. If you make excuses to cut your period of not drinking short, that really will not bode well for your success later. Option three - just stopping drinking altogether. This is certainly the easiest option. You may reduce as above, or use tablets to detox from alcohol. It may be that your G.P. will agree to prescribe a reducing dose of tranquillisers over 10 to 14 days in order to detox safely from alcohol if your goal is continued abstinence. They are unlikely to do this if you live alone or have a history of overdosing, and may well prefer this to be done by a specialist agency anyway the CDAT [Community Drug and Alcohol Team]. The tablets will usually be a benzodiazepine called chlordiazepoxide - which is similar to valium, librium or diazepam - or occasionally heminevrin.

You will be asked to stop drinking in the evening and start taking the tablets the next morning. Never take detox tablets with alcohol as they both slow your system down and you would be in grave danger. Two depressant substances dont just add together but multiply, which is how many pop stars in the 60s died. If you are still being prescribed tablets after two weeks, see your doctor as they are more addictive than the alcohol, and the alcohol, will have left your system in the first week, probably in the first three or four days. Although your G.P. is your first port of call It is most likely that, if you are alcohol dependent [if you get withdrawals such as shakiness, night sweats or anxiety when you cut back] your G.P. will refer you to CDAT for assessment. If the CDAT offer you a detox you will be asked to attend a group once a week for six weeks, make several appointments with an alcohol worker, and then be offered a detox at home or in a detox centre. A detox at home or in a centre usually takes 10 to 14 days and is not to be confused with Rehab, which is a stay in a treatment centre for anything between two weeks to six months and which usually takes place once someone has stopped drinking. Rehab may be funded by the CDAT in particular circumstances if someone has tried every other avenue to stop and stay stopped. It is possible to pay privately to go into a treatment centre for a month or more, although expect to pay thousands. All other services and organisations mentioned in this article are provided by charities or statutory services and are free to you, at no cost. Look online for private treatment centres where they range from the Priory at the top end of the scale to more reasonably priced places like TTP in Luton. Stopping drinking is the easy bit, staying stopped quite another. The main tips seem to be to keep busy and to take things a day at a time rather than thinking it has to be forever. However it must be said that the majority of people relapse within days or weeks of stopping unless they get further support. The majority of those who make a real commitment to access support services during the months to come after stopping usually do well. Those that relapse usually find that their drinking creeps back up to more than it was before, though a few may be able to moderate their intake for long periods before this happens. Because of this we would suggest that anyone who wishes to remain abstinent tries A.A., and that they try at least six different A.A. meetings to be sure of finding one that they are comfortable with. We also suggest trying here, WDP Drugsline for one to one or group support. We are not connected to A.A., and you may choose to access the one to

one counselling here without attending the Relapse Prevention Groups if you prefer. Turning Point is a similar agency to WDP operating in various areas of Herts and nationwide. The Living Room is a free local [to Stevenage] non-residential treatment centre which we would also recommend giving a good try. Remember that a similar treatment centre elsewhere would cost thousands per week! The CDAT have a Relapse Prevention Group as well, for those who have gone through their detox program, but they are not otherwise able to offer much ongoing support post/after detox as they are geared towards helping alcohol-dependent people come off drink. There are two types of tablets available after a detox from your G.P or perhaps the CDAT. First is disulfram, known as Antabuse [a pun on antibooze or anti-abuse]. This makes you very ill indeed if you drink within a week of taking them. They are not often prescribed as drinking on them can be fatal. The other is acamprosate, brand name Campral. They are taken for six months to a year after stopping drinking and alongside counselling and help reduce cravings. They will not make you ill if you drink, but will not work at all if you are drinking. To summarise, whether cutting back, stopping for a while, or stopping for good, get medical help as well as help from local alcohol services and from A.A. There is no right or wrong choice between controlled drinking and abstinence, only what suits you personally. If you can control it, well done, end of problem. If not you will need to look at other options. If you want any further help or advice on drinking or not drinking please call the SPoC [Single Point of Contact] number on 0800 633 5443, or any of the other support numbers in the F.A.Q. - Frequently Asked Questions - section at the back of this magazine. Good luck!

If I Can Do It, So Can You

my glass would last as long as his pint. I never got the taste for ale or bitter or anything like that. Lager was more OK because it was just like a fizzy drink. How did your drinking progress? As I got to young adulthood I got drunk a few times, but very rarely passing-out drunk. Got married fairly young, at twenty one, and for the first few years of married life I hardly drank at all because we hardly had any money. We both enjoyed a drink, and our social life would include drinking, but not really getting uncontrollably drunk or craving a drink. We moved to a particular location in the mid-90's, and that's when things started to go quite wrong. Thee were a lot of stresses in that place, in both work and family life, and I began to get anxious and very insecure in myself, and I actually made a decision to deal with my anxieties by drinking. I was about thirty years old, and I felt drink would make everything look rosier and make the problems go away, so I started regular drinking of White Lightning, because it was cheap, sweet and powerful. This was after work. In fact in fifteen to sixteen years of regular drinking from that point I didn't usually drink during the day, other than social events like weddings. How bad did your drinking get? It was every night and, as I say, some days. There were times I drank inappropriately, and had way too much for the sort of event we were going to and got piled back into the car and taken home. Sometimes at social events I said a few things I shouldn't have done. Everyone was so forgiving about things like that, and sometimes I'd wish they wouldn't be, because that made me feel worse when they said, Well, you had a few drinks, don't worry. It was getting bad. I knew then my drinking was a problem. When we moved in 2000 to a different job and different area I thought everything would be OK away from the stresses. Unfortunately, unbeknown to myself my addiction had definitely clicked in by then, and my drinking carried on. By that time I was probably drinking two bottles of wine a night, sometimes three, and consciously trying not to have a drink before ten o'clock at night, which then started to move to half nine and then nine. I would have told you at the time that I never drank and drove, certainly not with anyone else in the car, but looking back I sometimes had to leave the home at six in the morning, but if anyone had stopped me at that time of the morning.. At an hour to get rid of a unit of alcohol, even being stopped in the afternoon... Yes that's entirely right, though I didn't think of it at the time.

Male, 45, IT Consultant

Could you say something about your self as a person? I'm a natural born worrier. If there's nothing to worry about, I worry about that! I wouldn't say I was angst-ridden or bipolar, but I've got a tendency to worry about things. I think I'm slightly OCD, actually... In what respect? If I lock the car, I have to check it three or four times to make sure it's locked. The same with locking the back door at night. Just little things like that. Other than that, I'm quite normal really. I've got a wife, married for twenty-odd years, two children, both young adults. Lived in various parts of the UK where I've usually moved for work reasons, and ended up in Hertfordshire In 2000. Can you give us a brief sketch of your drinking? I grew up in a house where alcohol was not prevalent but was nothing unusual. We spend many Sunday lunchtimes in the local pub garden where mum and dad were in the pub. Saw our parents drunk a few times though nothing out of the ordinary, so alcohol was never a taboo subject, never a big deal. During my teenage years I used to go out with friends drinking but I never stood out. Pubs, parties, everyone was having a few drinks. If we went out somewhere where there was no drink, the cinema for instance, that didn't bother me. Sometimes when we went out drinking I was the designated driver that was fine, I'd just go home and go to bed.

I never got the taste for ale or bitter

When I first started drinking I didn't like the taste at all, so I'd drink vodka and lime; it just tasted sweet and I could drink it. What put me off pints was the volume. My dad, bless his heart, can drink most people under the table, and is in no way alcoholic because he knows exactly when he's had enough and goes home. He's drink pints like most people drank cups of coffee, so when I drank vodka and lime I could go out with him and

How did you come to stop drinking? It was about six months ago. I had been feeling steadily worse every morning. I was functioning in that I was working, although I was working from home and not getting much done before eleven o'clock in the morning, but I was drinking earlier in the evenings and drinking more. I started drinking one day a week in the days. I hid it from people in the house. I think if you're practiced at being pissed you're quite good at not showing it. Hiding the drink but also hiding being drunk. Sleep was terrible! In the fifteen or sixteen years I'd been drinking regularly I'd slept well. Probably most of it was passed-out sleep, but as my drinking got worse but I was waking at two or three in the morning as the drink was wearing off and my body was saying, What are we going to do about this? and I'd then have very fretful sleep. I tried not to drink during the night or the next day when that happened, and generally I could wait until five or six o'clock in the evening however tired or rough I felt the next day. And then it got worse. What happened? There was a horrendous period of five or six weeks when I was drinking 24/7. I still didn't drink when I was awake at 2 a.m., but I did once I could see some daylight. It just suddenly struck me, is that it? Am I just going to be waiting for my first drink? I went somewhere with my son, and he was doing a presentation one evening, and I just wanted to go home and have a drink. I realised that I used to do a lot in the evenings before I started drinking, stuff in the community, a lot of outside activities I enjoyed, and that all went. So how did you stop?

It was my wife, essentially. She made me an appointment with the doctor. She found me asleep on the sofa at 10 o/c one morning, and thought that wasn't right. Went to the doctor, and to cut a long story short, I ended up going to AA. It was my wife who got the leaflets for me because a friend of ours wife is in AA. And as you're meant to do, she left the stuff, the leaflets for me to find, and - a brilliant bit of denial - when I found it I was trying to work out who had got a drink problem! Then it suddenly clicked it was me! I plucked up the courage to ring, and spoke to a very nice chap on the AA volunteer helpline, and he told me there was a meeting the night after. Did I want someone to come round and take me? I thought no, I'm a big boy; I should be able to do this. Took myself down there, and so far it's worked. What was it like, that first AA meeting? Bloody awful! My preconception of alcoholics were people who lived on park benches, had a dog with the string, smelt of urine and had a brown paper bag with a bottle in it. But when I went upstairs to the meeting it was like, well, it could have been a room anywhere. It just was a complete cross-section of all ages, men, women, young, old, fat, thin. You were just made to feel like a long-lost friend, completely. There's a little bit of 'AA speak' that you have to get used to, odd bits and pieces, but you kind of pick those up. And it was bizarre because one of the people I spoke to picked me up the next night and took me to a different AA meeting, somebody I'd never met before in my entire life until that Thursday night. My kids said to me, How do you know he's not an axe murderer?, but he just looked an honest bloke. And you've been going since?

Yes, I've been going since. Four, five, six meetings a week, and I've been more than six months sober now. I've met you through WDP. How did you get to us? WDP have been absolutely brilliant, actually. When I first went to see the doctor, I was in a very, very dark place and I did say to him, I want to die. Now how much of that was for dramatic effect I'm not sure, but the GP sent me for a psychiatric assessment, and they referred me to WDP in Hitchin. WDP immediately offered me weekly counselling which is still going on. It's talking to someone who knows exactly where I'm coming from, and talking is one of the best therapies, it really is. I also had some alternative therapies there. I have to say I'm the world's biggest sceptic if it didn't come off a prescription I wasn't interested but I have to say I'm a convert to reflexology and Indian head massage. It's just so relaxing it just takes your mind off stuff. What advice would you give someone who was drinking dependently and regularly and wondering what to do? The first thing I would say is that I've been stunned by how much help there is out there, if you need it. I would say, get yourself down to somewhere like WDP for counselling, and I would say, 100%, get to AA. Why AA? Basically with AA you get a fellowship of people who know exactly where you've been, you're never going to be judged, there is a proper program, a proper way of life that you can learn through AA, and if you work with it you can learn to not drink, and to get on with life and not drink. I'd also say if you go to one AA meeting and don't get on, don't give up. In

North Hertfordshire you could be in one every night and many lunchtimes. Basically shop around. Is it for everybody? I think it probably is, but as with not drinking, you really have to want to. If there's any pat of you that doesn't want to, you wont. What has your six months of sobriety been like, good and bad? The first couple of weeks were bloody awful. I'd had a good fifteen year drinking career, and that's really difficult to stop. You're screaming out for alcohol because you're addicted to it. There's a big old gap in time you've got to fill, so basically my evenings from about nine o'clock 'til whenever was spent drinking. What do you do with that gap? All sorts of stuff. So many things! The community activities again. It's so important to keep busy. What are your feelings about the matter of never drinking again? Personally for me, I don't think I can ever drink alcohol again because I just don't know what would happen were I to pick up the first drink, and nor do I particularly want to find out. That's one thing that AA gives me, that the superb way of making any sort of lifestyle changes is, you really do live one day at a time. You don't think, 'I can never drink again,' because that's an incredibly daunting prospect. All I think is, 'Today I'm not drinking'. I was speaking to someone who had an awful lot of problems with his wife on that one, because she'd say to him, Can you promise me you'll never drink again, and he'd say, I can promise you I won't drink today. She now understands. Anything else you want to say? I just want to say, take what help is made available to you. There are a lot of people out there who really do want to help, but essentially, you really do have to want to stop. Also, people often talk about hitting rock bottom before you stop drinking, but you don't have to take the elevator all the way down. Any thoughts about a title for this story? If I can do, it so can you. OK, This is probably the longest I've stuck at anything

for a very, very long time. I am Mr. NonWillpower. But if I can do it, I'm sure you can, if you really want to. Thanks, on that note we'll end.

GREETING CARDS From 99p

Poems by C.

Relapse Signs
by the Friday R. P. Group.
Old behaviours, like being ratty and impulsive Being a Drama Queen Anger Noticing drink adverts everywhere Over-confidence Fantasising about the good times with alcohol Self pity [being a Victim] Self-will Being around drink H.A.L.T.; - hungry, angry, lonely, tired [and thirsty] Stopping meetings graduation from support Complacency Having expectations of others Denial Erroneous assumptions Depression Low self-esteem Automatic negative thoughts Sabotage

IN UNLOVING MEMORY A bereavement card

I grieve and feel the loss, but I shed no false tear, Surrounded by friends and beset by doubt and fear. Its time to say goodbye to my erstwhile friend, You were a liar, a cheat, a deceiver, right up to your end. When you first whispered you were my confidante, Sex, drugs, rock n roll, what more could I want? We walked through decades in a mindless fog, I was suckered along as your obedient dog. When I walked out of the gloom my life was in bits, A beer belly had replaced all the glamour and glitz. So you had to go, out of what was left of my life, You were evicted by the WDP, their groups and my wife. I am looking forward to a life full of love and a voice I am glad youre gone, hear my voice, hear my choice, With the help of my friends I will live a life thats whole, No longer dependant on my dear departed enemy Alcohol.

COLD CALLING WELCOME

To Wish You a Happy New Life Why is life feeling great? I dont have to look far for mates, Theyre here, served up on plates. Like in the group theyre there for me, Up front, no judgement, no apology. The whole set up is to help us with living, Always honest, sometimes angry, always giving. We discuss us, over coffee in good company, A happy band at the WDP. It helped us get sober, helps us stay free, Why is life feeling great? Because all life is here mate. Its all waiting, and its free, If you want a new life, and join the company Be alcohol free, and feel alive Ring 01438 312 055

And Solutions
PMA Positive Mental Attitude Asking for help Self awareness Not attaching too much weight to what we imagine people think Dont test yourself Avoid food containing alcohol

Drinking despair but recovery is possible!

Busy mum, 40's. What sort of person are you? I'd probably say I'm quite... loud. Easy-going mind you, if I was to ask my kids they wouldn't say I was easy-going but amongst friends, neighbours, I probably come across as that. You've got teenage kids? Yes two, 15 and 17, and a husband who works for himself. Ive worked as a teaching assistant in schools, but now I just keep myself busy and do stuff with my kids; so just a busy mum, really. How did your drinking start? I gave up my job when I was pregnant with my fist child and we moved to Herts. I thought I was in the middle of nowhere because it was so quiet. Had baby number one, then a couple of years later had child number two. It was a big change in life; two kids, at home all day, not working. I thought my husband's life hadn't changed but that mine had completely. When my youngest child was about six months old I started having a glass of wine in the evening when I was cooking tea, which seemed fine. I

my chill out. That's when my drinking started. Prior to that I'd always liked a drink, and when I drank I've always got drunk, but it was never anything I did every day, or every week even. But I am aware that I never had just one or two, I always got drunk on the back end of a drink. So when you went out socially you tended to get drunk, but the problem drinking started with a glass in the evenings to unwind. How long did it stay at a glass of wine? For a good year it was just a couple of glasses of wine in the evening, but then I noticed that it was increasing. I started to buy stronger %age wine rather than really cheap stuff. How many glasses in a bottle for you/? Six small ones, four big ones or two huge ones? Six glasses to a bottle. I'd just sip a couple of glasses while I was doing things round the house, doing tea, but I'd always finish with a cup of tea in the evening, and that would be my last drink of the night.

ing vodka before he got in, and drinking wine when he got in so it looked like my first drink. What size vodka bottles were you buying? Initially it was just half bottles, something I could hide away In your handbag or somewhere else? In my handbag at first. At that point I didn't think my drinking was a huge issue. I felt I was a functioning mother, I was working, I was getting the kids to their various after-school activities. But my husband used to come in after a long day at work and the first thing he's see in the kitchen was my glass of wine and he'd get the hump about it, hence the vodka, which he didn't see until one day I hid the vodka in the microwave. Thats when he started to realise, 'She's drinking more than she's letting on.'

I'd start to hide the vodka round the house

The drinking continued. I didn't think it was out of hand but he was nagging me more and more. The nagging got so bad I'd start to hide the vodka round the house; - up in the bedroom, in my wellie-boots, in the garden, in the recycling bin; anywhere I thought he wouldn't look. The way I saw it was I was getting up, I was going to work, I was seeing to the kids, I was cleaning the house, doing the shopping, washing, cooking, cleaning, ironing doing it all and at the end of it I liked to have a treat. But it was everyday, and it was starting earlier. The weekends would begin around lunch-time. The sneaking got more and more; I'd make out I hadn't had a drink when I had. The hiding it got ridiculous. It got to the stage where my kids were finding it, my husband was finding it. I re-

I was buying boxes of wine to hide just how many bottles I was drinking
And as we all know, the drinking progressed, I went from 9% wine to the 14% wine, and then I was just drinking more. For a long time a bottle was my cut-off point, and then I'd stop, but if it was three for 10 in Tescos I might open the second bottle and take a glass out of it. Then my drinking kept increasing and soon I was buying boxes of wine to hide just how many bottles I was drinkinga box is four bottles and it crept up over a few years. At the end a box was lasting me a day and a bit. My husband was questioning it, so I started drink-

never had just one or two, I always got drunk on the back of a drink
It lifted my spirits after having them at home all day. My husband would come in from work and the kids would go to see him, and I'd have that glass of wine as

member once we were going to the Isle of Wight for a holiday, and I hid some wine up in the wardrobe in the caravan we were staying in, and he found them. I was drinking in the mornings, and I was beginning to panic if I knew I had to go for a long period of time without a drink. How bad did it get? Terrible! Everything would be governed by having a drink. I'd be telling people I weren't drinking and I was. We went out for a meal and a game of bowling one evening and I had about three cans of cider in my handbag, and I immediately went into the loos of the bowling alley and hid them in he little cleaning cupboard, and I just kept going back for a top-ups. By then it was often cider because I just couldn't afford the wine and vodka so I was drinking what was cheap.

group therapy sessions. It was all very lovely but I was in this big protective bubble, but I come back here and within five days I was drinking again. How long did it take then for your drinking to creep back up to how it was? Within a couple of weeks I was drinking every day. I was five days off it after my Scotland trip, then had one, then missed a day, then had one, still thinking I was alright, you know? But I was still lying, and that was the hardest thing, the lying. Keeping one step ahead of everyone, smuggling the cans into the house, hiding them, then smuggling the empty ones out. How long did you carry on drinking after Scotland? Four months. I come out of the rehab end of November, I started in AA that following January, still drinking when I was going to AA but found it quite interesting, the stories I heard, so I kept going, and started seeing you for counselling here; it all kind of coincided around the same time. And then my last drink was April the 12th 2010. What happened to make you stop? I'd had a really big fall in my garden. The way I remember it was I was calling the dog but maybe I was up there drinking; I know I had cans up there. It's very dark there and we've got high decking at the end of the garden by the shed, and I fell off the decking into a big bush. It sounds really funny, but it wasn't. I couldn't get out of this bush and I'd cut my head and my shoulder and everywhere. It seems impossible now but I'd landed in it on my back and my arms and legs were caught in between branches and twigs; I was like spaghetti man but I couldn't pull myself out of it as branches kept snapping.

In the end I was just drinking from the bottle

Id used to enjoy a nice glass of wine and I'd sip it, but in the end I was just drinking from the bottle, the cider I was hiding all over the house. My son went to sit on the sofa one evening and sat on a load of cans I'd hidden under the cushions in preparation for when everyone went to bed that night. I was hiding cans and opening them so that nobody could hear the 'sshhtt!. I used to cough to cover that, but theres only so many times you can cough. I'd keep disappearing upstairs, and we've got a downstairs bathroom so I couldn't even make out I was going to the loo, and my husband's saying, Where've you been? Tell me about the worst days of your drinking. I did a disappearing act. I was sneakily drinking, and my daughter came home one day and she caught me hiding a can of cider in the cupboard, and she said, Right, I'm telling dad!. I panicked and just said, No, don't tell him, he'll go mad, and if he goes mad at me I'm just as well to be dead. She was crying, I stormed out of the house, drove off in the car. All she remembered was me saying I'm just as well to be dead, so she's rung her dad and he's come home, and they're all thinking I've gone off to kill myself, and they called the police. It was just horrendous, absolutely horrendous. As a result of that, my husband, through desperation, went on the internet, found me a place in rehab up in Scotland, which I went for three weeks. For three weeks I was fine, though I held a lot of resentment being packed away there and missed my son's birthday while I was there, but they put me on whatever medication it was to bring you down off alcohol. I had one-to-one counselling,

He just said to me, We can't go on like this,

I was gone for about half an hour and nobody even noticed they probably thought I was just up the garden drinking, and I've come in with bits of tree in my hair, I was bleeding from my head, from everywhere and just covered in bruises. My husband just bought me into the garden and bathed all my head, and he just said to me, We can't go on like this, and I just knew... I just knew we couldn't go on like this, but I still drank for another week after that. Then what happened? [pause] I really don't know. I just got up one day and I just thought, 'I can't do this any more'. It was like someone had switched the light bulb on. And I didn't

drink. I did my first day and yes, it was hard and I had the sweats, and I was miserable, irritable and all the rest of it, followed by few sleepless night and what have you, but I got to my AA meetings, I got to counselling and I've been able to continue. I don't know where the strength has come from because it really hasn't been easy. I remember you saying that when you fell in that bush it was almost like... Like maybe someone had pushed me because I can't see how I landed in the position I did; It's almost like I'd jumped in a crab position backwards, there was no explanation for that. My dad and my husband's dad whose ashes were scattered in the garden there - had both passed, and sometimes I wonder... So that was your time to stop and you did. How long ago was that? Just coming up for 15 months. And what support have you had through that time? I've been coming to the relapse prevention group here at WDP Drugsline. I've had counselling with you, Ive been to AA... Tell me about AA AA's good. When I first went they said, You need to get to as many meetings as you can. I go twice a week, and I get to the chaired meetings where they have a speaker. I tried a Step meeting but I found the language confusing. as a newcomer. I'm lucky with the two meetings I go to. The people are really nice and welcoming. I really enjoy it.

It really is just listening to people's stories, identifying with them, with what's happened to them, you sort of think, God yeah that's right, I feel like that! and you just don't feel alone. People there really understand what's going on. My children lived through it, my husband lived through it, but they don't really understand. They just felt that all I've got to do is put down the drink, but it isnt that simple. You've got to work at recovery. You can't pay your way out of this problem; my trip to Scotland proved that, it cost thousands. Tell me a bit more about recovery, what's been good and bad about it, honestly. In my last days of drinking I used to think to myself, God, if only I could get sober! All I want to do is just get sober. And I got sober and it was fantastic! The first three months you really are on Cloud Nine. For a long period of time I was really just so chuffed not to be drinking! I remember you came to the Relapse Prevention Group here each week and you were almost embarrassed because of not having any problems and most other people seemed to When I first stopped, drinking was my biggest problem in my life. I just felt that if I give up drinking, everything else will fall into place. So I gave up drinking and everything else did fall into place. It was wonderful! The ambiance at home was good, everyone was happy, I felt better physically, mentally, and it was wonderful, absolutely wonderful. But you do have highs and lows. I wouldn't want to go back to that hell-hole - nothing could drag me back there now - but you do just have down days. You haven't got a drink problem now, you've got a life problem..

Yeah, life is good now, but there are some days you wake up and you don't always feel full of the joys of spring, but I know there's always tomorrow, you know, that things will look brighter the next day, and invariably they do. What advice would you give to someone who's drinking and they're not sure what to do? The advice I would give, and I think anyone would give, would be, Stop before you can't. If you can't stop, then you've got to do something about it, but I think your time will come because everyone must have this time of clarity where something... just happens, you get a light-bulb moment, because nobody could have told me how to have done it.

I had surrendered
I could listen, and listen and listen but until I was in myself ready... I don't know how I done it. I had that bush experience and still drunk a few days after that, but I just woke up one day and just thought, 'I can't, I really just can't do this anymore', and it was almost like I had surrendered, I had finally decided that I really couldn't do this., within myself. It felt like it weren't me telling myself I couldn't do it, I knew I was going to die. OK, and the very last question is, any idea what name you'd like for your story? 'Drinking despair', I suppose, because that's what it was, complete and utter despair, and I couldn't see a way out. Sure. And what shall we have for the recovery bit? Recovery? Er.. 'Recovery is possible!'. Thanks!

You can't pay your way out of this problem

Acupuncture with Jethro Rowland at WDP

In conversation, with Mike Stillwell of WDP. Jethro, first of all would you like to say something about the difference between auricular and body acupuncture? Auricular acupuncture is often used in drug and alcohol detox settings. Basically five needles are inserted into specific points in the auricle of the ear. The effects are that it can help reduce withdrawal symptoms, allay anxiety, help restore sleep patterns and induce a deep sense of relaxation, and help lessen cravings. Its a very effective, generic therapy that can be used by drug workers, counsellors etc. Body acupuncture or traditional acupuncture, is where the needles are inserted into specific points on the body, i.e. Arms, legs, back, or torso etc. It is practised by professionally qualified acupuncturists, who have undergone at least three years of training. The range of use of this therapy is much wider, and used on a deeper level to help restore health and balance. Obviously its much more complicated than that, but that is essentially the difference. So Auricular acupuncture is more one size fits all? Yes; its very basic but very effective. Drug workers and others working with clients can use it as part of the service they offer, and its very widely used. Body acupuncture tends to be more geared to the individual. You often find you are treating a wide variety of other conditions that often underlie the drug or alcohol problems. For instance pain, digestive disorders, headaches, emotional problems etc. In this kind of acupuncture the treatment is generally tailored to needs of the individual.

At this point, could you say something about yourself, your training, your motivation for training? Ive been a qualified acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist for about twenty years. I trained at what was then the London School of acupuncture and traditional Chinese medicine; its now part of Westminster University. I went on to study Chinese herbs at The London Academy of Oriental medicine. I got into acupuncture about thirty years ago, just before acupuncture became widely known. I remember I was quite unwell for a while; I went to the doctor several times, they kept telling me there was nothing wrong with me. Then a friend introduced me to the idea of acupuncture. So I went to an acupuncturist in Bristol, where I was living at the time, and everything this woman said made a whole lot of sense. I had a few treatments and was much better, in fact I felt great. A couple of years later I travelled for a couple of years in South East Asia, and Australia, its popular in Australia because of the proximity of Asia. It was then I became more exposed to Oriental medicine as a living Tradition. So I came back to the UK and spent the next five years studying it. Its a complete system of Medicine right? Yes, In China, and all other countries acupuncture and herbal medicine is practised it is seen as a complete system of healing in its own right. Thats what I found so attractive about it; its a holistic approach that incorporates the whole person mind, body and spirit, it enables the body to heal itself. Ive got a friend who trained in Chinese medicine, who works in a complementary way in hospitals and with other health professionals. So I guess thats an example of it becoming more acceptable? Its certainly becoming more acceptable. Its often used in conventional health set-

tings. Like hospitals, and physiotherapy clinics. A number of doctors, nurses, physiotherapists and some midwives are using, a somewhat limited form of acupuncture, mainly for things like pain relief, obstetrics, etc. Although medical acupuncture is nothing like traditional acupuncture, at least theres some level of acceptability, which in increasing. Which is good. However there are still a lot of people in the medical profession and research institutes and especially the pharmaceutical industry thats will never accept complementary therapy, as it poses a threat. But thats for a political discussion. On a personal note, one of my dogs has acupuncture for pain relief, and I know it works because the dog walks much better after the treatment, and the dog doesnt what the treatment is, so it cant be all in the mind. Exactly! It works on animals as well as humans Can I ask you a bit about the range of conditions its possible to treat, and the philosophy behind it? Wow, thats quite a question! I practice a form of acupuncture called TCM or traditional Chinese Medicine. We aim to rebalance energetic imbalances in the bodys Chi energy. Which for the scientifically minded is the electro-chemical system, which maintains life and health. The insertion of very fine needles in very specific points on the body helps to unblock energy that may have become stuck. Thats an oversimplification, but itll do for now. As for conditions there is a very wide range of conditions from migraines, to back pain, addiction, stress, and womens disorders such as period problems. Or it can be used in a generic way to help maintain relative health and prevent disease. It unblocks or boosts energy and can create a sense of harmony?

In many people, especially those with drink and drug problems, theres often a background of stress, poor diet and generally unhealthy lifestyle. Acupuncture, herbs and other therapies can help people address these issues, and improve the general state of health. Research has shown that most people feel a deep sense of harmony, and wellbeing and their energy levels improve and they often feel less anxious and wound up. Cravings are often less intense and people are more able to control them. These effects can often be a stepping-stone to change. So it maybe, that as well as being a problem, the drinking and drug use has been a solution to other problems, and youre providing a better solution than drink and drugs? Yes, hopefully, although we are all here to help people realise that drink and drugs are not solutions to their problems. However some people will use drugs and alcohol, for example to help them sleep. Acupuncture can be a very good tool to help with insomnia. Its particularly useful for stress, anxiety and a range of other emotional conditions. How about when people stop using, and are left with their busy mind, a washing machine head? Acupuncture and other therapies can certainly help people experience a sense of peace and relaxation. However they will also, hopefully see counsellors, and other professionals. Although if people are still very chaotic and wired, and a lot of emotions that have been suppressed by drink or drug use, start flooding to the surface, it can be very difficult, I guess, to work with people when they are in that state. Certainly acupuncture can help calm the mind, so it makes counselling and talking therapies much easier. I believe that In Chinese Philosophy, the various internal organs have an emotion relating to them?

The internal organs, the viscera are known as the Zhan Fu. There is the idea in TCM that emotions can injure, or nourish the internal organs. For instance the Liver is said to be related to Anger, frustration, feeling wound up. This inhibits the livers ability to function properly, on an energetic level. The kidneys relate to fear, shock, and trauma. The spleen relates to depression, over thinking etc. So you can tell a lot about a persons internal organ state by finding about the emotions that predominate in their lives. Ah, very much like the medieval system of humours? Yes, Exactly. Many traditional systems of medicine, in other periods of time and other cultures have seen a relationship to the inner, psychological and emotional state with physical health, and emotions can contribute to the onset of disease. I think western medicine is beginning to recognise this. Trauma is key to a lot of addiction, isnt it? Yes, it seems that often people who have been traumatised will turn to drink or drugs or both as a solution to alleviate the pain. Of course in excess it can make things a lot worse. When I use acupuncture with people, I always try to find out a bit about whats been going on in their lives that led to them coming to see me. Often there has been a trauma, or a multitude of traumas and situations they cant cope with. I had acupuncture myself a long time ago. One of the nicest things for me was the comprehensive assessment, where I was asked a lot of questions. It was very Holistic and I really enjoyed the fact that someone was taking every aspect into account. Thats what turned me onto acupuncture, when I was told it was about the idea of finding the root cause of the problem, unlike with the allopathic approach, that

treats the symptoms in isolation to everything else thats going on. People are complicated, and operate of many levels; you have to ask a lot of questions to help them in the long term. What is Allopathic? Allopathic medicine is conventional western medicine, where conditions are treated using medication, and scientific methods of treatment. It tends only to treat the presenting symptoms, rather than holistically. When you see someone coming off alcohol, or drugs, what are the processes you see people go through, and in what ways can you help? I think the first thing is to listen to what they are saying and see at what stage they are at; are they really committed to abstaining? Then to use acupuncture to help them calm down. When people have made the decision to quit using drink and drugs, there can be a sense of panic, anxiety. The crutch they have used for years isnt going to be there anymore. So its important to Calm the Shen as we would call it in TCM. The Shen in oriental medicine is the idea of spirit, which is about of your state of mind. I think a lot of people go through a process of ambiguity about the change they are about to undergo, and that can be a very frightening process. So one would offer as much support as possible. Ive seen that very clearly when clients I have referred to you that are very anxious are much more relaxed after seeing you, and that will keep them going while they are going through a difficult period. Yes, acupuncture can really help on that level, but its not just about making people feel relaxed. It is part of a much bigger process. A lot of symptoms people experience, coming off drugs and alcohol can be very frightening and difficult to handle. One of the things Oriental medicine is able to explain is the energetic process people

are going through in order for the body to re-balance itself. I also give a certain amount of dietary and nutritional advice, e.g. the need to vitamins, exercise etc. Things that they can do for themselves. So vitamin B1 thiamine, B12, B compound, milk thistle, Multi vits, what else? I always suggest people have a multi vit, and those coming off alcohol would do well to have a B vit compound, and vitamin C is good to help boost the immune system, especially if people smoke. I would recommend people drink plenty of water, at least a litre a day, and really try to eat fresh food, vegetables and fruit; you are what you eat! Is there anything more youd like to add, Jethro? Just to say that one of the most important aspects of recovery is health. If you dont address your health, and eat properly, have a proper balanced diet, access complementary therapies where possible etc. then it will make recovery all the more difficult, and take much longer. If you are constantly feeling rundown, and exhausted, or in pain all the time, its easy to relapse. So I would encourage people to address their health. You can get away with a lot if you are healthy. A Last Word? Just try it! Acupuncture and indeed most forms of complementary works on a lot of different levels. If you just want it for relaxation, thats fine, or you can have to help a specific condition. I would say about 80% of people who try acupuncture get something positive from it. It certainly wont do any harm. Oh yes, one last thing to address needle phobia Most people dont like the idea of needles. But the pins are very small and thin, and are inserted very quickly; you hardly feel

them go in. Its not generally painful. The only thing you feel, is after the needles are inserted, I twiddle them, and the client experiences a momentary dull, slightly odd feeling, this is a necessary process, its called Da Qi. The acupuncturist also feels a tension on the needle when this happens. The idea is the needle conducts the Qi energy to where it needs to be, as it were. But overall its a painless process, certainly nothing to be afraid of. So its an art as well as a science? Yes, well I would say its more an art than a science, the concepts of Qi and yin and yang, and acupuncture points and meridians dont bode well in modern scientific theory. But I guess in time there may well be a scientific explanation as to how these therapies work. Thanks Jethro

Jack in the Bottle

Episode one.

short fiction in three parts, by Col.

shakes, or shock. Whichever, laying there for six hours certainly gave me time to reflect on how I had come to be in this mess. My name is Campbell Fowler. I have been married to Deborah for 9 years. We have two kids, Alex and Sophie. I work as an area manager for a soft drinks company. When I was promoted two years ago I was the youngest in the country to hold such a lofty position. Now we were financially secure, Debs was able to give up her teaching job and be a full time mum, and everything seemed set fair for a happy and productive family life. I had always been a social animal. When I was young I had a couple of trials for some lower league football clubs. After a couple of months at each club I realized I did not have the required dedication to become a pro footballer, so I took up my present job and satisfied myself by playing Saturday and Sunday amateur games. This meant socialising all weekend with the lads, and I took this very seriously; most weekends were a blur but somehow I was able to convince myself it was fun. I always seemed to be the centre of attention, which suited me just fine. This life of debauchery was curtailed when I met and finally married Debs. I still played football at the weekend, though I did stop going out on Friday nights (I bought a bottle of scotch to compensate) and then Deb's and I would go to the pub for Sunday lunch after I had finished playing. When Alex and Sophie were born I was expected to pull my weight in the baby department. This further ate into my socializing - or socializing read boozing. I tackled this situation by opening the Campbell Fowler wine cellar; Debs had a love of fine wine and I had a love of anything alco-

holic, a match made in heaven. The fact that my new boss Lester Hamilton happened to be a Yank and a lover of malt whisky allowed me to squeeze a few bottles in, as well as my secret supply of un-smellable-on-thebreath Vodka. My American boss was very homesick, and so he spent as much time as he could flying back to the states to spend time on his ranch in Utah. This left the running of the company very much in the hands of my colleagues and I, though. I would delegate any real work to my subordinates allowing me more time to go to the many promotional junkets organised by our country-wide sales department. The one downside to this situation was a downturn in my relationship with Debs and the rest of the family. One day they ganged up on me, saying I was not giving enough quality time with Debs or the kids. My rebuttal was to point out that if I did not put in the hours then they would not enjoy the standard of living they were having. Debs pointed out that they were not enjoying anything at the moment and the kids were missing me terribly, but I chose to ignore all the warning signs. I had recently employed a PA to help me with my non-existent work load. Amy was nearly six feet tall, hazel eyes and jet black hair. Within three weeks we were having an affair. She was intelligent, funny and very pretty. It was nice to be with someone whose sole conversation was not the rising cost of groceries and children. What had happened to the sparkling woman I had married? Amy and I were staying in a hotel in Newcastle on a business trip, and it was 7am when Deborah knocked on the door and asked Amy if she could have a word with her husband. Amy was transferred sideways, and I went home to a life of rows and constant bickering.

It was a very normal Monday morning in November. I was sitting in Mrs. Dents very pleasant front garden. The only thing that made the situation slightly surreal was that I was still sitting in my car with the remains of Mrs. Dents garden wall on the front passenger seat. There was blood in my eyes and the paramedic, a young lady by the name of of Stephanie, was doing her best to staunch the flow. I felt very little pain at the time; I suppose the copious amounts of alcohol I had drunk the night before and the Ketamin I had been given at the site of the accident had delayed any real pain. That pleasure was yet to come. The paramedics managed to get me into the back of the ambulance just as the young policeman turned up. He told me he had reason to believe I had been drinking, and would I mind giving a breath sample. Knowing I had not had a drink that morning (which in itself was unusual) I felt quite happy to oblige. Imagine my dismay when he informed me I had a reading of 173, nearly 5 times over the legal limit of 35. The very young policeman then told me that this was the highest reading he had ever taken. I told him I was happy for him, but the irony in my voice seemed to elude him. At the hospital I provided a blood sample which only confirmed my earlier breath test. I was still a little confused as to my surroundings, but what I did not need to be told was that I was in deep shit. Lying in the hospital bed I was shaking, I did not know whether it was my usual morning

Then, on a bright and sunny Monday morning, I arrived at my office to find Lester Hamilton sat behind my desk, and standing behind him was a man I did not know but who, over the next few months, I learn to loath. Lester did not stop talking for a full hour and by the end I was under no illusions, my job was hanging by a thread. Over the past six months the sales emanating from my department were catastrophic, and apparently this was why Irvine Betts was to stay with me for the next six months to oversee the recovery of my sales figures, with the understanding that I would co-operate or I would be in possession of my p45. The normally tactile Lester left my office without so much as a look in my direction. I offered my hand to Irvine who pointedly ignored it. Thus began a game of cat and mouse between Irvine and myself, which was to last for the next five months. Over the next few weeks sales were still poor. I was spending 80% of my week at work, with Irvine looking over my shoulder. When I could escape his attentions I would swig from one of the bottles of Vodka I had secreted in various places at work. In the evening I would arrive home around 9pm to find a note telling me my dinner was in the microwave and everyone had gone to bed. I was fighting on two fronts, and I was losing them both. Inevitably I arrived home one Friday night to find a couple of suitcases outside the door and the locks changed on the house. The note from Deborah was brief dont come home till you have sorted myself out was the gist of it. I stayed in a hotel for the weekend before finding a small furnished flat near work. I phoned home nearly every night until Debs and I ran out of conversation. At work the figures finally showed signs of improvement. I'm not sure but I think I actually saw a whisper of a smile touch Irvines face.

A new intern at work, Jasmine became my next trip into infidelity. I was back drinking with the boys most Saturday nights. They were older and fewer than before, but we had a crack, usually ending up back at mine to watch Match of the Day, by which time we were normally roaring drunk. Fortunately I would record the programme which we would watch on a Sunday morning whilst enjoying a few liveners from the fridge. I had of course stopped playing football as it interfered with my drinking time with the lads. We would go down The Cock for 12am and after a bit of lunch get stuck into the booze. As it was Sunday night we would make our own way to our separate Gaffs. It was on one of these Sunday nights when I was sitting at home with a bottle of Vodka on the coffee table and feeling a bit down. The reason was that in these quiet moments I really missed Deborah and the kids. I had to think of someway to get back into the fold. I pondered this for several more drinks. Then it all became clear. First of all I would have to give Jasmine the elbow. The figures at work were getting better by the day. I could spend a few more hours at home. I'd even cut back on the booze a bit. It was so simple I began to laugh at my own brilliance.

Lost
By K. Battered and used, defeated, confused It wins again, Im lost, I lose The enemy - a silent curse Waiting to pounce, and each time its worse

My hope is fading as day turns night I wish for strength, to fight the fight But all I feel is shame and sorrow keeping me awake until tomorrow

I lie as still as I can be But demons are living inside of me I sadly rise and must succumb To the tragic charm that keeps me numb

End of Part one

F.A.Q

Frequently Asked Questions, With answers by the Relapse Prevention Group

Q. How difficult is staying sober? A. It is certainly challenging, but there is no reason you need to drink again if you find ongoing maintenance and support that suits you. Q. Ive relapsed so many times, is it really possible to stay stopped? A. It can be bloody difficult! The odds are against you if you dont have ongoing help, but if you take it a day at a time, get frequent support and a good dose of willpower youll be fine. Q. Will I be able to drink again? A. Yes, but the consequences will be the same or worse each time. Q. How bad can it get if I stay drinking? A. A drink problem is like taking a train journey; - by looking at others you can see what will happen if you stay on the train to the end of the line. So you can lose everything and die or, worse still, suffer the humiliation of problem drinking for many years. Q. Why am I like this? A. The jury is out about nature or nurture whether there is a genetic component to problem drinking or whether it is learned behaviour but it is almost certainly both together with a combination of factors. It seems some people cross a line into problematic alcohol use and cant step back again. Q. How can I make things better when my drinking has used so much harm? A. Dont drink! Seriously, stop drinking and better things will happen for you and those around you. Prepared to be surprised! Q. How will I deal with social situations? A. In the early days just dont go. When youre worried about causing offence to others, consider the harm a relapse will cause to others round you. And when you do go, have an escape route, tell a few important others there you are not drinking, buy your own drinks and keep n eye on them, and leave before people start to get drunk because it will be boring!

Q. How can I deal with cravings? A. Do something else/ keep busy. Think how bad your drinking got, or might get. Time the craving to see how long it lasts this time, as taking a scientific approach will distance yourself from it. Even if you never go to AA, nick their idea of taking things a day at a time, or an hour at a time if it is very bad. This means postponing taking a drink. Q. Ive had some drinking dreams, is this normal? A. Yes, and they seem to be helpful. It seems to be your minds way of rehearsing how bad youd feel if you had a drink, and shows how deep in your psyche you dont want a drink. Q. What help is available in Herts. for people with drink problems? A. Your G.P. is a good place to start. There is also here, WDP Drugsline in Stevenage. We offer counselling, keyworking and other services to drinkers and their families. The Stevenage office is on 01438 312055 to make an appointment. We also have offices at Hitchin 01462 442 442, Hertford 01992 581 040 and Royston 01763 249 977. There is also a new 0800 county-wide Alcohol Helpline for anyone in Herts. wanting help with a drink problem, on 0800 6335 443. There are CDATs across Herts. Community Drug and Alcohol Teams who can help those who are physically dependent on alcohol to have a detox. The Stevenage CDAT is on 01438 792 100. In Stevenage we are one of the very few places in the country to have a free non-residential treatment centre locally. The Living Room offers group and one-to-one support every morning and afternoon for all addictions. Phone 01438 355 649 AA. have group meetings every evening through the week across Herts. For North Herts call 01438 747475. The national number is 0845 769 7555. Turning Point/ Hertsreach are a similar organisation to WDP, with structured day services across Herts.[see next page]. HertSpeakbased in our WDP Stevenage office, is a project specifically for children, parents and families where parental alcohol use may be an issue. They offer family therapy and play therapy. Call Simone on 01438 312 055 / 07918 641 535 , text Referral HertSpeak to 07918 641 535 for a callback, or email simone@coretrust.org

Turning Point/ Hertsreach

Turning Point in Herts Hertsreach structured day services Hertsreach provides open access and structured services to anyone affected by their own or someone else's drug and/or alcohol use. Our open access services include a drop-in, where service users can access support, advice & information without an appointment. We also offer a full Needle Exchange Service and a range of complimentary therapies including auricular acupuncture and aromatherapy. Structured services include a Structured Day Programme of group work, including relapse prevention, art therapy, womens group, cannabis group and a 16 week programme of intensive support. Psychosocial interventions include one to one keyworking and care planned counselling provision. We also offer support to Friends & Family of anyone with a substance misuse issue, through the provision of weekly groupwork. ETE support offers help with employment, training & education, as well as support with housing and benefits. Criminal Justice services include DIP support (arrest referral, outreach, one to one support and onward referral) and a DRR programme offering drug testing, groupwork and one to support. All services are free and confidential and open to anyone age 18 or over and residing in Hertfordshire Letchworth 51 Station Road Letchworth Hertfordshire SG6 3BQ T: 01462 672 381 F: 01462 681969 Hertford 105 Fore Street Hertford Hertfordshire SG14 1AS T: 01992 503141 F: 01992 554950 Watford [and Borehamwood] 20 Upton Road Watford Hertfordshire WD18 0JP T: 01923 221 037 F: 01923 224 747 St. Albans Vickers House London Road Business Park 222 London Road, St Albans Hertfordshire AL1 1PN T: 01727 893344 F: 01727 842919 Welwyn Garden City Training and Education Centre Ascots Lane Welwyn Garden City Hertfordshire AL7 4HL T: 01707 343 801 F: 01707 343 806

VIEWPOINT
Viewpoint is a mental health service user involvement project in Hertfordshire. They believe that it is essential that the people who use or who have used mental health services are enabled to help make positive changes to them. They hold local forums and meetings to take service user views and suggestions to mental health service providers, and offer excellent training. They are a great team, and you can contact them at Viewpoint 56 Bridge Road East Welwyn Garden City Hertfordshire AL7 1JU 01707 328014
website@hertsviewpoint.co.uk

Do I have to believe in God to get sober?

Why do people often make such a strong link between drink problems and spirituality? The first part of the answer may be that, for most of us, confronting alcohol problems requires seeking help from - and working together with others, whereas during our drinking we are often isolated and disconnected from others and the world, and can be self-focussed. The second part of the answer may be that by living without alcohol we stand a much better chance of finding out who we really are, whereas during our drinking we are often disconnected from ourselves, and are not the person we know ourselves to really be.

The third part of the answer may be that, by becoming more ourselves and working with others, we are more aware of being connected to, and a part of, something bigger than ourselves that we can rely on, whereas during our drinking we often had only ourselves or alcohol to rely on. We find ourselves in an unfolding recovery process that has its own wisdom, as if it is directed by the hand of something greater than ourselves, and as the weeks and months go by, we try to find ways to talk about this experience with others in recovery. The first part My way doesnt work Most people find that they cannot beat alcoholism by themselves, and that they need to go for and accept help. This usually goes against the grain as most drinkers will say it is important to them to

deal with problems on their own which is how they became drinkers in the first place of course. Most people want to be in control of their lives, but alcoholics usually take this to extremes. We use alcohol to try to manage ourselves and our feelings and, when our drinking affects those around us, we can often try to manage them too so that we can carry on drinking, whether by avoiding them, bullying them, being dishonest, or playing the victim. When our attempts to be in control dont work we usually blame alcohol, or blame others. When we actually admit that it is our drinking - our own use of alcohol - that is the problem, and have been honest about it with those closest to us, then weve taken a giant step forwards towards dealing with the problem. We are starting to accept things as they really are, and are prepared to look at how we can do something different, not how the

world needs to change to suit us. If we are able to get group support - from a pre-detox group while were drinking, or a relapse prevention group when weve stopped, or from A.A., or from the Living Room, then we discover that just by participating in a group we are giving as well as receiving help. This is a further crack in the shell of isolation and self-obsession weve been trapped in; of what has been called, terminal uniqueness. We realise that we are indeed special and different just like everyone else. One of the most surprising things I have discovered is that people - whether 18 or 80, male or female, young or old, rich or poor, educated or not are very similar. We generally think and feel in similar ways, whatever walk of life we come from, and we are all in the same boat - the lifeboat of the Titanic if you are in Recovery!hence the cover of this magazine. We also come to understand that helping others is not a sacrifice, is not losing something, but is enlightened self interest. In a society focussed on the scramble for success where we saw housemates in Big Brother jostle for attention, or the Weakest Link being weeded out, we come to see the power of a group of people actually working together is something very extraordinary. Once we see the sense of this, even the most selfish parts of ourselves come on board, because it becomes clear that we keep what we have our recovery in this instance by giving it away. The second part Will the true me please stand up Alcohol is a dis-inhibitor, a depressant and, lets face it, makes you drunk to a greater or lesser extent, though chronic alcoholics can often drink large amounts without feeling out of control. Drinkers may be loud and aggres-

sive, or just want to be left alone to get quietly soporific at the end of the day. They may be boisterous and believe they are characters who are the life and soul of the party, or maudlin drunks who phone people up to spread a little self-pity and resentment with others. They may be just plain boring, standing too close and repeating themselves endlessly while you are backing away, or they may self-harm or become suicidal. Some may be the nicest people you know when sober, but turn into a volatile Mr. Hyde who explodes at their nearest and dearest when drunk then has no memory of it the next day. At heart these things are examples of a complete inability to feel empathy for others when we are drinking- we only focus on ourselves, our own wants or our own hurt feelings. Most of us are not so extreme, but are left with a feeling that we are simply not the person the parent or partner or child or worker that we could be. Its not so much that we do terrible things as that we want to spend the times when people want to be with us evenings and weekends getting quietly pissed because that is our time. There is a self betrayal in this because we are built for relationship often we are the ones most hurt by our selfishness, though we may not realise this at the time. What is certain is that if you stop drinking you will become more yourself, aligned with your true values. It is inevitable. Firstly your physical health starts to improve as you sleep better and have less anxiety. You realise that it was the alcohol that caused sleeplessness and panic attacks, not cured them. You feel rested, your appetite improves; you have more energy as the alcohol leaves your system. Then, without the alcohol, your feelings and emotions start to return, and gradually you realise that feelings are information on

your situation, not things to avoid with alcohol or drugs. Information enables us to adjust our course and change our circumstances. Next we realise that our thoughts are not who we are, but something we experience. We spot that those thoughts are often negative and self-destructive. We have a chance to challenge inherited beliefs about ourselves or the world, and we have a choice how to act rather than just reacting to circumstances as we always did. We start to spot that while drinking we had been all about satisfying our short-term instincts, urges and drives. We felt that we needed to drink, but when we stop we find out that alcohol has been filling needs filling a gap in our lives - and that other things, good things, can meet the same needs much better. Without the alcohol we realise that we are not one person but a collection of uss - parts of us who argue within us, or who can take us over sometimes. For instance we come to recognise that there is a part of us call it the addict, or the devil on the shoulder that is about short-term gratification and that tries to get us to pick up a drink. We may also have an angel on the other shoulder, but it is the us in the middle who chooses who to listen to. Similarly we may recognise other parts of us; - a young child, a rebel, a party animal, a recluse but what matters most is that the healthy, adult us is in charge of our lives. I sometimes think that talking to someone who has just stopped drinking is like standing before a small group of people and seeing a figure behind them, looking over their shoulders, peering round their heads and catching your eye. If you talk to that part the adult, the healthy person it seems to step forwards.

Often you will notice when someone is a few weeks or a couple of months into recovery, they suddenly seem to pop into focus as themselves. This adult part is partly the best person we can be, and partly who we really, really are under all the masks. The most important characteristic of this real or healthy self is that it is connected with something bigger than ourselves; - with other people, first of all, but also with our values, purpose, conscience and deeper awareness and with that still, small voice within that speaks the truth to us. With something, in fact, that one might call a Higher Self.

The third part The main problem I have with A.A. is the God thing Is there space for belief in a force greater than ourselves in this modern world of Richard Dawkins and The God Delusion, of rational humanism, general atheism and scientific advances? We mentioned in the first part that seeking the help of a professional or participating in a group can achieve results that one person alone cannot. In the second part we said that a single person has different sides to them; is, in some senses, a group, and that it is important to be the healthy part of us, which is partly the best person we can be, and partly who we most deeply are. This is another way of saying that alcohol brings out the worst in us, and recovery can bring out the very best. Here in the third part we are suggesting that through connecting with others and connecting with ourselves, we may find a connection with something greater than both that works through both. I work with drinkers every day, and I notice again and again that when people make a commitment to change, often something-orother seems to meet them more

than half way. Whatever-it-is seems to lend a hand just when they need it most, often working through people, events, and within themselves, and giving them unexpected opportunities, guidance and strength. I have no clear idea what it is, but I have enough day to day evidence of this in operation to have proved the fact of it to myself many times over. Not only does this become clear when people talk about their lives, it also happens in the counselling room and the group room. When people are allowed to talk and to take a good look at their situation, quite amazing things can happen if the counsellor doesnt get in the way with his opinions and ideas. This leaves me feeling like an electrician who has no idea what electricity is, but couldnt do his job without it. I cant change people, particularly as I dont know what people should do, but it is possible to create conditions where change is likely, and then something magical can take place. Because I like a psychological explanation for things, I like the idea of a Higher Self. I stand in the present moment, but I know there are things about myself that I am unconscious of - am unaware of - like my earliest memories, or sometimes my real motivations for doing things. There is also a potential me that I am unconscious of - the best me that I may be - calling to me from the future and helping me to achieve my fullest potential, rather like the template of the oak tree is already, potentially, in an acorn. From this point of view, the source of guidance, inspiration and support is from within me, but is Transpersonal; is outside that box of space and time my personality inhabits. So as an adult, a self, I reach down to deal with the primitive aspects of myself, and up to a Higher Self for support to do so. There, a belief system in two paragraphs!

But is there any reason to consider this whatever-it-is call it a Higher Self, Providence, The Force, trusting the process or what you will to be anything to do with a religious God? People in A.A., for instance, sidestep this issue by describing it as a Higher Power, and insist on calling it, The God of my understanding, meaning that ones own conception of it is personal and that no-one can tell you what to believe. There are certainly Christians in A.A., as elsewhere, though most A.A.s would not describe themselves as such, but one of the most exciting things about AA is that people from all faiths or none can discuss deeply personal spiritual experiences But what about a God who takes a personal interest in us, or guardian angels who watch over us, or miracles, or a battle between good and evil taking place in the world, and in us? What about heaven and hell? Where is the evidence for any of this, and what has it got to do with real life? First of all, it is hard not to think of a conflict between good and evil when person after person struggling with a drink problem reports a little devil on one shoulder that says, One wont hurt, reward yourself, and an angel with a nagging finger hovering above the other shoulder. What I would say is that when someone battles with the humiliating and life-threatening illness of alcoholism, that cuts us off from humanity and leaves us at the mercy of our own personal demons, this is as close to hell as we could wish to get, both for drinkers and those around them. If our soul is who we deeply are, drinkers are as close to losing them as anyone youre likely to meet. If sudden and profound changes of personality for the better are miracles, you will find plenty of examples of miraculous events in recovery, and

in this magazine. To have lifechanging moments of clarity in the midst of despair, to experience a force for life and sanity taking charge of our lives and presenting us with exactly the challenges and support we need to get well, to feel that we have had the need to drink removed from us it is hard not to use the language of religion and call it grace and redemption when you are living through such a journey. As for a heaven, there can be moments of deep peace or connection in recovery, whether private moments or as part of a group, that certainly beat sitting on a cloud. So whatever one feels about religion, it is certainly easy to borrow religious language to describe some of the experiences of facing active addiction on our own, and sharing a committed recovery with others . Also, people in recovery whether they attend A.A. or not often find the tools of religion to be immensely relevant to their daily survival. Humility and gratitude are necessities when fighting the inflation and negativity that accompany alcoholism. Confession is grabbing hold of the ideas that we are only as sick as our secrets, that turning problems outwards is better than bottling them up, and that putting our hand up when were in the wrong and trying to put things right is better than drunkenly brooding on resentments. There is also a very pragmatic element to spirituality in recovery. We sometimes confuse a scientific approach with believing whatever seems likely to us, and dismissing what seems unlikely, but a scientific approach depends on experimenting, with an open mind. Whatever you believe, or, especially, if you believe nothing at all, why not give it a go anyway and see what happens. So for instance, if there is the possibility

that some sort of force for good that is more powerful than ourselves really exists, and if it really can put our life on track, then it would make sense to have a dialogue with it. Probably the best thing to say to it, to start with, would be, Please help, perhaps at the beginning of each day. And if we decided to give this a try, as an experiment, perhaps it wouldnt hurt, at the end of the day to say Thank You. The operative principle seems to be a willingness to entertain the idea of a force greater than ourselves that is restoring us, however we think of it and whatever we call it, and of trying to cooperate with it rather than trying to use it according to our own will, as it was our will that got us into trouble in the first place. In other words, If something like God exists, would you put him on the back of the tandem so He can help going uphill, or would you let him steer? Personally I dont think whatever-it-is really minds whether we think of it as a Higher Power, Higher Self, or family who have died, or God, or your Holy Guardian Angel, or Aslan, or a drive towards wholeness, or even Yoda [just a few of the ones Ive tried myself], as long as it is something greater than you that means you well. And as prayer is talking, meditation is listening. It is easy to make a case for the relaxation and peace of mind that meditation can bring as a good thing in recovery. Anything that helps us connect with ourselves, and to tune in to the process of recovery, and perhaps with whatever-it-is that seems to direct that process can only be a plus. So to summarise, maybe spirituality is linked to alcoholism because it is only at those times in our lives when we are helpless before something over which we have no control the illness of addiction in this case - that we can have the experience of some-

thing else stepping in when we have exhausted our own resources. All the different masks we wore and all the different ways we had developed to deal with life did not help, and we had to reach out for something different; like asking for help, honesty, cooperation, unselfishness, trusting a force for good, hope, patience, dealing with problems face on, seeing and treating others as equals, listening to our feelings not running away from them, admitting when we were at fault, challenging our negative beliefs, having compassion and empathy, and becoming more of a team player. Through this we become less isolated and become more about giving and receiving help, we get to know ourselves and what we need much better, instead of trying to meet our needs with booze, and have the experience of aligning our will with something that is trying to help us, not using our will to carve out a little island of selfishness with cannons on the cliffs. As mentioned, A.A. has a very practical approach to spirituality; I suggest attending meetings and working the A.A. twelve steps of recovery with a sponsor to learn more. You can also try organised religions, and can always ask to speak to a minister about their approach and beliefs and practices. Meditation classes are widely available in most areas. Transpersonal psychology gives a middle ground between mysticism and traditional psychology. New age shops can provide leads to various groups, from Wiccans to spiritualist churches. Walking in nature, sitting quietly, keeping a journal, helping othersall these can be ways of connecting with others, yourself, and something greater than both. But a belief in any kind of God is not required, as long as its not alcohol, or yourself.

AA Meetings in Hertfordshire (As of July 2011)

Please note: There are two types of AA meetings; open where anyone interested in A.A. is welcome to attend or closed which are only for members or those who think they have a drink problem. Where known, details of all open and closed meetings are listed below. A.A. has no connection with WDP or any other agency. Please contact AA directly for more information. National no. 0845 769 7555. North Herts. 01438 747475

Bishops Stortford Community Centre, Church Manor (off Parsonage Lane) CM23 5PY Lunchtime 12.00 (All meetings open) Bushey Bushey Baptist Church Park Ave WD23 5NB Lunchtime 12.30 (Open meetings on request) Bushey St Peters Church Hall Evening 20.00 (2nd Monday each month open) Hatfield St Marys Church, 26 Salisbury Square, Old Hatfield AL9 5JD Evening 20.00 (Last Mon each month open) Hemel Hempstead St Barnabus Church (Back Room) Queen Square, Adeyfield Evening 19.30 Hertford St Josephs Church Hall, St Johns St Evening 20.00 (2nd Mon each month open) Hitchin The Church of Our Lady of St Andrew (upper Committee Room) 16 Nightingale Road) SG5 1QS Lunch Meeting 20.00 (Meetings held on Bank Holidays) (1st Monday each month open) London Colney Sts Peters Church, Riverside Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) St Albans St Alban & St Stephen Catholic Church, Rm 1, Church Hall, Beaconsfield Rd Al1 3 RB Lunchtime 13.00 (all meetings open) St Albans Vicars House 222 London Rd AL1 1PN Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) Stevenage Stev Arts & Leisure Centre, Lytton Way SG1 1LZ Evening 20.30 (through main entrance then upstairs behind box office) Watford The Vestries, St John the Apostle & Evangelist, Sutton Rd WD17 2QQ Evening 20.00 (3rd Mon each month open) Tuesday: Bishops Stortford United Reform Church, Water Lane CM23 2JZ - Evening 20.00 Borehamwood St Michaels & All Angels Church, Brook Rd (corner of Gateshead Rd) WD6 5EQ Lunchtime 12.30 (open meetings on request) Borehamwood Manor House, Allum Lane Community Centre, 2 Allum Lane Evening 20.00 (All meetings open) Bushey St James Church House (opp Barclays Bank) Bushey Village Evening 20.00 Harpenden The Red House, Harpenden Memorial Hospital, Carlton Rd, Evening 20.00 (All meetings open)

Hemel Hempstead The Methodist Church, Northridge Way Daytime 11.30 (all meetings open) Hitchin Christchurch, Bedford Road, (opp Waitrose) Hitchin SG5 2TP Lunchtime 12.30 Potters Bar St Mary The Virgin & All Saints Church, The Walk (just off the High St) EN6 1QQ Evenings 20.00 (all meetings open) St Albans Albany Lodge, Church Crescent (off Verulam Rd) Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) Stevenage St Peters Hall, The Willows, SG2 8AN Lunchtime 12.00 (all meetings open) Stevenage Springfield House Community Centre, 24 High St, Old Town Evening 20.00 Tring Corpus Christie RC Church, Langdon St, Tring Evening 20.00 (1st Tue each month open) Watford North Watford Methodist Church Hall, The Harebrakes Evening 20.00 (1st Tue each month open) Watton at Stone St Andrew & St Mary Church, Church Lane SG14 3RD Evening 20.00 Welwyn Garden City Church of St Mary Magdalene, Holly Bush Lane, AL7 4JS Evening 20.00 Wednesday: Aldenham St John the Baptist Church, Church Lane, Aldenham WD25 8BE Lunchtime 12.00 (1st Wed each month open) Barnet 83 Union St Barnet EN5 4HZ Evening 20.00 (All meetings open) Berkhamsted Swan Building 137-9 High St, HP4 1AQ Evening 20.00 (Last Wed of each month open) Hertford Methodist Hall, Ware Rd Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) London Colney Sts Peters Church, Riverside Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) Royston - Methodist Church Queens Road SG8 7AU Evening 20.00 St Albans St Alban & St Stephen Catholic Church, Rm 1, Church Hall, Beaconsfield Rd AL1 3 RB Lunchtime 13.00 (all meetings open) St Albans Friends Meeting House, 7 Upper Lattimore Road AL1 3UD Evening 20.00 Stevenage Chells Manor Community Centre, 12 Emperors Gate, Fairlands Way SG2 7QX Evening 20.00 Stevenage Methodist Church, High St, SG1 3LS Lunchtime 12.30 (Last Wed in month open)

Barnet St Peters Parish Centre, Somerset Rd EN5 1RF Evening 20.00 Bishops Stortford St Josephs Church Hall, Windhill CM23 Evening 20.00 (Open meetings on request) Broxbourne United Reformed Church Mill Lane EN10 7BQ Evening 20.00 (All meetings open) Hitchin The Church of Our Lady of St Andrew, 16 Nightingale Road (Upper Committee Room) SG5 1QS Evening 20.00

Kneesworth (nr Royston) Visitors Centre, Kneesworth House Hospital, Bassingbourn cum Kneesworth Evening 19.30 (all meetings open) Rickmansworth Cloisters Hall, The Cloisters (off High St) WD3 1HL Evening 20.00 (3rd Thur each month open) St Albans Vicars House 222 London Rd AL1 1PN Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) St Albans St Alban & St Stephen Catholic Church, Rm 1, Church Hall, Beaconsfield Rd AL1 3 RB Lunchtime 13.00 Stevenage Glaxo Day Hospital, Lister Hospital, Coreys Mill SG1 4AB Evening 20.00(3rd Thur every month open) Watford The Vestries, St John the Apostle & Evangelist, Sutton Rd WD17 2QQ Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) Watford New Hope Trust 4 Whippendell Rd WD18 7LU Lunchtime 12.00 (1st Thur each month open) Welwyn Garden City Friends Meeting House, Handside Lane (nxt to Barn Theatre) Evening 20.00 (Last Thur each month open) Friday: Bishops Stortford Bishops Park Community Centre, Committee Rooms, 1st Floor, Lancaster Way, Bishops Park, CM23 4DA Lunchtime 12.30 Bishops Stortford - United Reform Church, Water Lane CM23 2JZ - Evening 20.00 (3rd Fri each month open) Borehamwood Elstree & Borehamwood Community Centre, Allum Lane, WD6 3PJ Evening 20.00 Borehamwood Baptist Church Furzehill Rd (use Drayton Rd entrance at the back) WD6 2DF - Lunchtime 12.00 (open meetings on request) Bushey St James Church Hall, Bushey Village WD23 1BD Lunchtime 13.00 (open meetings on request) Hemel Hempstead Friends Meeting House, 22 St Marys Rd (Old Town) HP2 5HL Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) Hertford Methodist Church (room at rear) Ware Rd Lunchtime 12.30 (all meetings open) Hitchin The Church of Our Lady of St Andrew (Upper Committee Room) 16 Nightingale Road), SG5 1QS Lunch Meeting 12.00 Hoddesdon Friends Meeting House, Lord St Evening 20.00 (1st Fri each month open) Letchworth Friends Meeting House, 42 South View, SG6 3JJ - Evening 20.00 (1st Fri each month open) London Colney St Peters Church Hall, Riverside Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) St Albans St Alban & St Stephen Catholic Church, Room 1, Church Hall, Beaconsfield Rd AL1 3 RB Lunchtime 13.00 (all meetings open) St Albans St Saviours Church, Sandpit Lane AL1 4DF Evening 20.00 (open meetings on request) Stevenage St Pauls Methodist Church, Turpin Rise, Roebuck, SG2 8QR Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) Watford St James Church, Bushey High St, Bushey Lunchtime 13.00

Baldock Methodist Church, Whitehorse Street, SG7 6QB Evening 18.00 (All metings open) Baldock Methodist Church, Whitehorse Street, SG7 6QB Evening 20.00 (All meetings open) Bishops Stortford United Reformed Church (upstairs at side) Water Lane CM23 2JZ 10.30 (Last Sat each month open) Hemel Hempstead 139 Leighton Buzzard Rd HP1 1HN Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) Hertford Church Rooms, The Baptist Church, Chamber St SG14 1PL Afternoon 14.00 (all meetings open) Kings Langley All Saints Church Hall, Church Lane - Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) Letchworth - Friends Meeting House, 42 South View, SG6 3JJ Daytime 10.30 St Albans Methodist Church (vestry upstairs) Marlborough Rd Lunchtime 12.30 (all meetings open) St Albans St Alban & St Stephen Catholic Church, Rm 1, Church Hall, Beaconsfield Rd AL1 3RB - Evening 20.00 (open meetings on request) Stevenage United Reformed Church, Cuttys Lane, SG1 1UL Evening 19.00 (all meetings open) Watford St Andrews Church, Church Rd (between Church Rd & Park Rd) WD17 4QN Evening 18.00 (all meetings open)

Barnet Church House, Wood St (nr Barnet Church) EN5 4BW Evening 20.00 (All meetings open) Hemel Hempstead 139 Leighton Buzzard Rd HP1 1HN Evening 19.30 Letchworth Letchworth Salvation Army, Norton Way North, SG6 1BH Evening 20.00 New Barnet New Barnet Community Centre 48-50 Victoria Rd Lunchtime 12.45 (all meetings open) Royston Methodist Church, Queens Road, SG8 7AU Evening 20.00 (3rd Sun each month open) St Albans Ground Floor, The Parish Room, St Albans & St Stephen Church, Beaconsfield Rd, St Albans AL1 3RB Evening 17.30 (all meetings open) Stevenage Friends Meeting House, 21 Cuttys Lane, SG1 1UP Evening 19.00 Waltham Cross St Josephs RC Church, Eleanor Hall, Eleanor Rd (back entrance off Swanfield Rd) EN8 7DW Evening 20.00 (all meetings open) Watford Our Lady at St Michaels RC Church, Crown Rise, Garston Evening 20.00 (all meetings open)

Living with a Problem Drinker

In families where there is a problem drinker there are infinite variations within the family situation. Tolstoy wrote, Happy families are all alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. In their own ways, husbands and wives play out the roles society and their own unique personalities assign to them. People can believe that there is not much choice, but we all have the power to be responsible for our own actions. Advice from even the wisest advisor may be bad advice because family relationships are tremendously complicated, played out intuitively by and large, and outsiders never truly know how it really is. Advice to be tender or tough [to leave him/her or not] is usually best not given, and most people dont listen anyway. Here are some general principles 1. The alcoholic must face the consequences of his/ her behaviour. The family often protect the drinker from these consequences, and this does not allow the person drinking to really come face to face with how bad things are. 2. Dont pick up the pieces. If he/she wets the bed or vomits, let the person clean it up the next day. If they dont remember, for example, how the window got broken, tell them the truth later. 3. Be matter of fact. Dont pretend it was funny. Dont say I told you so. Dont let them forget that they forgot blackouts are scary, some people stop drinking because of them. 4. Dont buy the person drink. You would be surprised how many people complain bitterly about their partners drinking, then admit it is they who buy the booze. Or perhaps you wouldnt be surprised. 5. Dont call the boss to say he/she has the flu. 6. Dont bail him/her out of jail, or anything else.

Let them explain what happened, not you. Let them apologise, not you. 7. Stop trying to control their drinking behaviour. You cant anyway. You are as powerless in this regard as he/she is. 8. Stop hiding bottles. 9. Stop pouring drink down drains. 10. Stop organising the family routine around their drinking. 11. Stop babying them. Allow the person to be responsible for their own behaviour. 12. Love the person but not the sin. Hate the illness, not the person. 13. Dont preach, it doesnt help. 14. Keep up hope. Many alcoholics just up and recover, with help or without. 15. Save yourself. Foster things that make you happy and keep interested in your own life. The alcoholic can feel isolated and ashamed, and so can the family. The kids dont invite friends over because the parent may be drunk or stoned. Saturday nights out, having friends round for dinner, going to the pictures or fun family holidays can become things of the past. The family may think this situation has never happened to anyone else, but there are opportunities to learn how others deal with similar problems, and to learn better strategies for coping. Support available

Al-Anon is the equivalent of A.A. They offer a helpline, meetings and support for partners, family and friends of drinkers. Phone 020

7403

0888 (Helpline available 10 am - 10

pm, 365 days a year) Fax: 020 7378 9910 Email: enquiries@al-anonuk.org.uk
WDP in Stevenage have a family worker, Kerry, who can offer one-to-one or group support. Contact her at the Stevenage office on 01438 312055 HertSpeak are also based in the WDP Stevenge office on the same number, 01438 312055. They offer support to families when a parent may be affected by alcohol, and can offer family therapy and play therapy.

how determined he was, they gave their permission for him to embark on his quest. Neither his mother or father could tell him where to find the Singing Stones, but his father had heard of a wise man living in a hut in the forest, so he set off to ask directions from this sage. Taking a just few possessions and a little food and drink in his backpack, he picked up a stout stick and set off. The robin seemed to lead the way at first, flitting from tree to tree as the young man went further into the woods, but soon he found himself entering the silence of the forest alone. He crossed a stream, and went deeper within. Hours later he made camp, and sat at his fire listening to the owls in the darkness around, realising that he was on his way into the world alone, but he felt no fear. The next day at dawn he set off again among the great oaks, marvelling at the dew on the cobwebs as the sun lanced through the forest canopy. Soon he came to the wise mans hut. Oh yes, I have heard of the Singing Stones, said the old man, But Im not sure where they are. Let me look in my books. and the wise man brewed tea for them both on the hearth fire. The young man stayed there day after day as the old man searched through his stacks of books, and listened to the old mans stories each night He helped by chopping wood, learned to set snares, and as the weeks went by he settled into a very comfortable life there. One day, some months later, the young man heard a robin singing and remembered his quest. Oh, I must go! He said. The old man was very sad, but directed him across the mountains to a town of learned people, saying that surely one of them would be able to tell him how to find his hearts desire. After a long journey across the mountains the young man found the town and stayed for many months, doing various jobs and then joining the university there to pursue his quest for the Singing Stones. He found the studies and the student life there so interesting that he gradually forgot his aim. One day he sat in a lecture room and heard a robins song through the open window, and he remembered the Singing Stones. My quest!, he thought, and left the next day. He travelled through the land, chasing rumours, sometimes stopping to work in a town or village before moving on. Eventually he heard of a very wise, very old woman just across the next hill who lived alone and was sure to know how to find the Singing Stones. He came to her cottage and walked through the gate and along the path. A robin was singing in a tree from which an old rope swing was hanging. A very, very old lady came out of the house and stopped in front of him, then looked up at him, cupped his face in her hands, and said, Welcome home, Singing Stone.

The Singing Stones

Once upon a time, a young boy sat on a swing in his grandmothers garden, listening to a robin singing. It was a beautiful summers day. As he listened to the robins song he thought, Who am I, really? My life lies ahead of me, and I dont know what I should do with it. He got off the swing and walked across to his grandmother who was tending the garden. Grandma, he said, I have so many questions, and I dont know how to find the answers. Who should I ask? His grandmother stopped and thought. Well, she said, I have heard that the Singing Stones can answer any question because they are magical, but I dont know where they are to be found, or whether they even exist. The boy looked serious for a moment and said to her, Well then, when I am older I shall go and look for them. And, because he was a child, he forgot about the Singing Stones and went back to playing in the sun. One day, when he was a young man, he looked out of his window and saw a robin. Its song reminded him of the promise he had made his grandmother, and he decided that now was the time to go out into the world to find the answers he was looking for. His parents were not sure at first, but when they saw

Found

Strong, focussed, proud and free I win the fight, so hard for me The enemy has walked away It gets no victory today

Hope is such a precious thing When its gone no voices sing With hope the future quietly gives A promise, that happiness really lives

I recall with sadness the darkest days The destructive path of the devils ways I sleep so calm, and rest my soul Relieved at last to be happy and whole