Chapter 1 In the beginning was the word, formed from gaseous clouds, vapors and mists.

Pulling apart, coming together, translucent light, brought into being by a force larger than the void, and this force now gave life to all. Creation had begun. The creation of a perfect world. Colors of radiant breathtaking luminosity. views of majestic splendor. Landscapes and panoramic

Souls were now brought into being, brought into life from light, and were made from light. They seemed to have no power except thought. they spoke to each other soundlessly, communicating thoughts to each other, reading each other s minds, sensing each other s feelings. All was as clear as glass and as gentle as the breeze. Other beings now appeared, huge and beautiful, fierce and powerful, glowing from a radiance that came from within and emanated all around them. This emanation could bestow strength and also could perform amazing deeds. The lesser beings pondered this difference in these others, who could appear and disappear at will, and who came to them delivering hopeful messages and kind thoughts. Soon all would become clear. The thoughts began to take shape, expanding, proceeding effortlessly, one thought at a time. These huge beings called angels engaged in intimate contact with the creator. He had thought them into existence. He had also created these other sentient beings and he was pleased. This was his home, his kingdom, a paradise everlasting, for them to enjoy. Everything originated from inside, and the world around instantly responded. One angel appeared different than the others. He was very beautiful. His light seemed much stronger than the other angels, and his thoughts came at a faster, sharper pace, forceful at times. The souls wondered about him, and were curious. One of the souls felt especially drawn to his fiery glow, and something passed between them. This startled the being, and it shrank back . The angel who burned from within stepped closer to the being with great swift steps. The angel then enveloped the being in an embrace and soon all disappeared into the fiery

glow. They were gone from the place. These beings , or souls, as they came to know themselves to be, felt light. Everything felt light. There was nothing to hold them down. They seemed to float along. Evthe very heart of the glow. Then IT RECEDED. the being could see once again. A new landscape, new surroundings, brighter colors. They descended lightly, then landed. The angel was standing in the being s vision, so beautiful, so strong, so warm. The being knew what It must do. They entered a shining place, so bright it hurt to look, REFLECTING all the light there ever was, all the light from all the angels and beings together in that place. The being could not look but the angel insisted, commanding, yet gentle. The being looked.

Then it saw. A reflection, a countenance so lovely, eyes, nose, hair, mouth, never before had the being seen itself. A question was on its mind. Its eyes widened, then it smiled. A beautiful smile. And the angel wept. You have chosen me. You have shown me this. Such a wonder.

Yes, the angel nodded. And it is just beginning. Why? Do the others know these things?

No, no just you. The others, they are so beautiful - like me? You were just created. It is all new. I never could see this.

What does

any of this mean?

Now you see yourself through my eyes - through the creator s eyes. My vision is like the creator s, my power is like the creator s as well. I can show you things, make you understand. He drew himself up to his full height. His enormous presence filled the space all around. His inner light became even fiercer and white hot. The

being sensed a disturbing heavy feeling, something new, but it could not name this. Then the angel said. Yes. I could show you things. everything. Would you like this? The being hesitated. Is this allowed by the creator? I am one of his special beings. Now you Make you know

Surely you know I am sent by him. are one of my special beings. What must I call you? He asked. The being saw him clearly now.

Let me find you a name. He formed a wonderful smile

What are you called? The being asked. He drew himself up once again to his full formidable stature. I am Lucifer, he said very clearly. Upon hearing the name, all the being wanted was to abide in HIS presence and be swept away.

Lucifer. The being had spoken the name aloud. The mouth opening and forming words. The angel smiled and said, you shall be called arian.

yes, and

The name was spoken from the angel s lips as well, not thought, and the name seemed to hover in the air between them, a golden thread, that would forever unite them. Suddenly another angel came and stood between them, in an instant. The air was thick and it was hard to feel or hear any thoughts. The being backed away, sensing a disturbing unfamiliar heaviness. The shining place was gone. The reflections as well. Where is my image? What is happening? The other angel turned toward the being. He too was beautiful, in a different way. Gentle. His face seemed dark now, not at peace. We must go now.

Lucifer appeared and put out his hands to touch the other angel. Michael, he spoke silently, in his mind, but the being could hear his thoughts. Do not do this, Michael quietly insisted. Michael put out his hand to arian. Arian, come now. He said her name. Join the others. We must go.

As they embraced and ascended, Michael sent out a thought to Lucifer. Why, Lucifer? Why do this? Why this one? Lucifer held on to Michael s mind, but he could not answer. The question had no answer. All he could think was that this being had looked at him and responded, connecting and needing him like no other. That was simply enough. Michael stroked the being s hair. Long, black, shiny. His own was light like gold and curled. Surely his master had taught him peace and understanding. He must remain the way his master had created him. Michael s face became angry. What is Lucifer doing? together at the reflecting place? Why have they been

The beautiful creature heard this. The creator must know. Angels did not do this. They did not come to the beings and take them away, especially to their reflections, which only god and the angels could see. Lucifer s mind raced and burned with his thoughts. Hot then cold. felt a burning in his mind when he thought of Michael and arian. He

He felt a strange resistance inside him. It displeased him. Was he that weak an angel? For him such feelings were non-existant. An angel was free from such feelings, and all thoughts that could cause pain or discomfort. These beings - god loved them too - he sent the angels to them to grant them their every need. Lucifer had seen himself in the creature s eyes. He remembered resembling the master, yet on a lesser scale. Did not these beings have a right to know what they looked like? To know the names of things, to be able to name things, to have full knowledge? FOR ONCE WORDS ARE SPOKEN AND THINGS NAMED, POWER IS RELEASED. THE CREATOR DID THIS VERY THING AT THE BEGINNING. SO WHY NOT LUCIFER?

The way this being had looked at its reflection, so openly, with such love and adoration. The way it had looked at Lucifer with the same adoration.

Lucifer had understood for the first time what it was to be like the master, to create, to have a being see you as all-powerful, to live for your presence. Lucifer s mind and his emotions grew strange and tangled. He had this feeling, this power and control, this worship and submissiveness, from the beautiful creature. And now an unbelievable new feeling. The being returned and told the others what it had seen. Its eyes had been opened, the being now had Lucifer s vision, the others gathered around as the creature spoke of things seen, words hovering in the air, spoken aloud. The others began to do this as well, and soon the peaceful air was full with sounds of words.

chapter 2

Lucifer spoke now to angels he visited. He could sense by their thoughts as well as their fiery glow that they would be with him and be of the same mind. Some of these angels who came into the presence of Michael now avoided him and concealed their thoughts from him. Michael knew there was a difference. Why or how he could not discern, but it was almost palpable. He could only speak of such things to his kind. He found himself willing to block his own thoughts and future acts from these angels, who struggled to read his mind. For no angel would ever seek to block his thoughts or intentions from another. All in heaven was open and clear. disturbed many of the angels. All was shared. This new attitude

Their thoughts and commands fluttered like wings against the gate of Lucifer s mind. For now there was a gate. A force, a resistance that should not have been there. They went to the master, headed by Michael, silently pleading. The creator knew it was already too late. What had been set in motion was now reaching

fruition.

He knew that many of his creations would soon be at war.

Chapter 3 Michael knew the being was only the beginning. Arian. He let the name alight in his mind and stay there. He liked the name, even though Lucifer had given it to the being. The air was thicker now, no longer pure and light, no longer peaceful. Something had come into their world. The master sent for Michael and the other angels.

Arian. The name flew from Lucifer s mind, clear and haunting. Arian turned, and saw through Lucifer s eyes. For it was there the being existed. He was here now. Staring, with his penetrating gaze.

I wanted to see you. Arian smiled and felt a flutter inside. beautiful. Am I special? Lucifer answered softly.

Why me?

They are all so

You are special to me as I am special to you.

arian sensed a sadness and yet a sweetness to these moods of Lucifer s. and something more. You are beautiful, Lucifer. here. You show me things. I like when you come

I came here to see you, arian. Again, he felt a powerful surge as the being bowed its head, and its long black hair fell around its face. The creature s reverent submission and gratitude aroused an almost unbearable sensation for Lucifer. He quickly said, I can create as well as the master. You saw. Lucifer read

Yes. Arian recalled the reflection and how Michael came. these thoughts. Arian searched Lucifer s face for a sign. not change expression.

His face darkened, but he did

Do not think about that now. Is it important?

Would you like to go there again? Arian s entire being became full of light. Yes. That will be wonderful.

Then I will do it. Soon. Angels can do wondrous things. It is our nature. It is what we do. He looked at arian and then looked at the others like arian. These had no such powers as he and yet they were beautiful in their own way. All they did was exist. They were helpless without the master and the angels. They could not create or will things into being. looking at them. They seemed so small. Why did the master care so much for them? Why did he create them? Lucifer never gave any of them any thought except for arian. He remembered . When he thought of arian he remembered why he should be glad the master created such beings. Arian s lack of power made his own power so much greater and more meaningful. By its being, it gave meaning to his own being, deepened it, complemented it completely. The longing and tender devotion and urgent need for all that he was and all that he could do the being controlled Lucifer, although he could not yet see this, and the being as well remained innocent and unaware. He quickly developed a deeper and stronger need For the assuring devotion, its very presence, in fact. He felt suddenly so huge,

Lucifer began to understand something he had never known before. What it was like to have powers yet be completely possessed and controlled by another. He knew this in the depths of his soul. He also Saw into the soul of the other as though it were his very own.

This creation Is mine, he would constantly think angels did not have anything of their own and angels shared freely. now came this. Against everything Lucifer had been created for came the steady and overwhelming thought.. THIS IS MINE. I WILL NOT GIVE IT UP. But

THE SKY BROKE IN TWO.

Chapter 4 The angels hurried past the other beautiful beings, rushing in the sky, filling the air. One by one they were gone. The air was left crackling and snapping with a strange resonance. All the creatures looked up at the sky then at each other. They huddled close together, holding each other, concern in their eyes for the very first time. I will create like our creator, I will be as powerful as he is. I will have control, and I will have possession of my beloved arian and all else. Lucifer paused and mulled over in his mind all that lay ahead. In that instant, long ago, it seemed, when arian had first looked at him, somehow he had been touched.. Arian had called out to him With the deepest part of its being and reached the deepest part of his being. Only the creator had ever done this. Only the lord of all had ever reached him in such a way. Lucifer pondered and frowned. That was no longer enough now. Lucifer needed more. He wanted more. And he would have it. He could feel his power growing and moving through him with such passion he almost fell to his knees.

He could sense his own keen intelligence, his supreme comprehension of all things in his world. He reveled in his own being, he delighted in his intelligence, his power and his gifts. His unique force and value. Arian had brought this out in him. And now all his passion was about to spring on their unsuspecting world. The creator summoned Lucifer to his side.

Lucifer stood before his lord and master. He sensed that surge rise in him. He did not feel good. He no longer belonged here. Bowing low before the master, offering love and pointless. He quickly tried to protect glanced up at the lord, a magnificent being so bright you could barely stand to look at allowed you to see. and devotion, this from the brighter than him, but only felt hollow now master. He all the angels, could see what he

He knew the creator had read his mind. pleased.

He knew the master was no longer

Lucifer felt something uncomfortable inside him. was the beginning of shame.

He would know later it

Just as the burning feeling with arian was the beginning of future lust and a desire to control another. So many things had begun in that short space of time in eternity. So many things that would now have to be dealt with, for once they had been created and released, there was no turning back. The lord s voice came loud and clear, achingly beautiful. What have you done, Lucifer? Arian?

The name hung in the air. How Lucifer loved the name. but here it seemed to accuse him and cause untold sadness in the creator s eyes. Arian was merely an expression for what was already inside you, Lucifer what you have allowed to be inside you, and what you have allowed in our world. There is nothing wrong with any of this, lord. addressing him as lord. Lucifer did not feel like

He stammered now over the word ached for the first time.

lord , his face felt hot, and his head

What is happening to you, Lucifer?

Tell me. Tell us. I

I cannot, he said, too loudly, then in a softer tone, I cannot explain. see nothing wrong with this. Clearly something is destroying you. You need to tell us. The master s voice resounded and seemed so sad and soft. Lucifer began to weep. The creator s light glowed faster and sent healing love to Lucifer, but it did not penetrate. Something in him could not accept the healing. He struggled, he opened his mind, he purged himself of all thoughts of arian, but the creator s light could not come through. The master s light dimmed. The room was hushed. Something was wrong. We can help.

Is there anything you wish to say, Lucifer? You know you have always been my beloved angel, always by my side. My strongest and my best. Created for that purpose. Yes, Lucifer whispered, I know. Tell me. up. The creator leaned forward close to Lucifer. He could not look

He could not speak, not even in his mind. The wall had come up and he could not bring it down again. He felt helpless. The creator seemed to understand something and moved away. You may leave, Lucifer. Lucifer turned to go, feeling free once again, then he remembered and turned back to the lord. I can still see arian? The creator s mind was weary now. I would prefer that you did not. will no longer visit the others. From now on, you will be with me. You

Lucifer s eyes stung and hs mind filled with thoughts like wild creatures running around unchecked. He held his head and blurted out NO! He rushed out of the room. this cannot be.

Michael stepped forward . I am sure this

It is more than arian, lord. The being is only one thing. would have come to pass in some other way. This is true, Michael. Keeping Lucifer from arian may be good, but It will not be enough. A change has taken place, and it will not go away. one of my beloved angels. Come to me. Michael came closer.

Michael, you are also

These feelings are in Lucifer and would have been released sooner or later. Do you feel that this is true? You have created us as perfect pure beings, lord. you also gave us the power to think and to feel. Lucifer is not using this power wisely. but He is only one. The creator drew Michael to him. Yes. He is only one. he does, or could come to feel as he does. But others feel as

Michael s sadness overcame him. He loved the lord and all the lord had given him. His life, his nature, his power. He knelt now before the lord. I will not let this happen, lord. I will protect this world. The world you have brought into existence. The creator looked deeply into his beloved angel s eyes, which were now filled with tears. If these feelings persist, if Lucifer and the others cannot change, what then, Michael? Once something is introduced into the world, it is impossible to take it back. Something has been unleashed here, and it will not go. Then we will drive it out, lord. You have only to say the word. Michael revealed all his inner light now.and his full size, not the way Lucifer did,but to prepare himself for what lay ahead and to show the lord he was ready to protect their world.

Michael loved arian himself. He could see the being waiting, looking up at the sky, waiting for Lucifer. He wished this had never happened. These beings were so sweet and gentle. God truly loved them and Michael did too.

Chapter 5 Michael came to arian now but arian could not see him. He appeared invisible. This was truly one of the finest creations. There were so many. Flowers, plants, trees, gardens, infinite variety of life, yet these beings were the best. Arian turned and picked up a flower, and whispered to it. ached. He would protect arian and all of the others. Lucifer could create and he could also destroy. Michael knew that this was a possibility. It was an unthinkable concept in their world, but now the unthinkable was beginning to become reality. Michael could see it on the horizon. Michael, unlike Lucifer, did not need for arian to see him or to bow down to him or even acknowledge his presence. He loved this being enough to remain invisible, watching silently and unobtrusively. Just the thought of being there was enough. Giving attention and protection without any hope or expectation of reward that was Michael s true nature. That was the nature of an angel. Michael s heart

Chapter 6 Arian had decided. Lucifer and the others whispered in gentle breezes, in seductive cadences. Moving in light, they spoke of creating a new world, making it apart from the creator. This could be done. We will populate this new paradise with all of our beloved, especially you, arian. Lucifer injected this in arian s mind, putting an emphasis on these words -

a private message meant only for arian that the others could not hear. Tears welled in arian s eyes, tears of love and joy, not yet pain, for that was unfamiliar to them. Arian clutched arms to its breast and hugged itself. Arian loved hearing Lucifer s voice. It warmed like the sun. Another voice, so faint and quiet. this? Innocent, small, lost. Arian, don t listen. you but he is wrong. Insistent. Don t leave. Arian struggled to hear it. Who was

Arian strained to hear. You believe Lucifer and what he tells

Arian froze on the last words that lingered as a whisper. They were stunning. Please, please. Arian reached deep into the depths of its mind. Please tell me what you mean. tell me who you are.

Suddenly there was a block coming between the voice and arian. An interference that could not be resisted. The small voice still came through. Michael. It was Michael. arian knew

I come from the creator with a message. Please, the voice died away. Another presence filled arian s mind. I am here. Lucifer. Listen to me,. Now. Would you like to come with us, with me? Life will be different, arian. We will have everything we want. We can do what we want. It doesn t have to be like it is here. What is wrong with here, Lucifer? It is beautiful.

Arian held out its hands in a gesture of supplication.

Nothing is wrong, but it is not ours. It is his. Can you see this? We can have more, we can be like him. We can create our own world. We can be free. Suddenly there came before arian a vision so real, the being gasped. Lucifer and arian together walking through flowers and gardens of immeasurable beauty, creating wonder and miracles with just a thought, a word, a smile or a wish. it could be theirs. Arian became power. Yes. filled with confidence and love, a sense of freedom and

I want this.

The being cried out, almost involuntarily.

Lucifer appeared now glowing like the sun. his radiance reverberated around, through, and into arian. It enveloped the being so completely that they became as one. You are mine now. Mine.

Arian saw in its minds eye a beautiful angel. The one who had whispered with golden hair and eyes the color of the sky. A gentle smile that never seemed to fade. He was there too. He would not appear now, not with Lucifer there. Michael held out his hands to arian in this clear vision, shaking his head. Michael. Arian whispered Lucifer released arian abruptly,. Now the warm glow he had shown became fiery hot and burned the being he loved. A red color like the sunset, only blazing. Arian shrank away. Why? Arian s lips made a silent plea. I am displeased, arian. His voice thundered out. I am very displeased.

It hurt the being. Where was the gentle caressing all-encompassing love ? Where was the warm glow of the sun? where had it gone? Michael. He is here. He is here. Arian touched the sides of its head.

I am here. I am here. Lucifer displayed once again his full height and power, which was an awesome sight. see nothing else now. You are coming with me. Arian quickly moved Yes, yes I will.

Arian could

for the fragile being could not resist his intensity. I think I will, arian faltered slightly over the words. You will

You will, he firmly declared, taking arian s face in his hands. come. I will see to it. In a flash he vanished and the air was still. Arian was alone.

Chapter 7 Michael had been instructed not to interfere. He could only do so much. He would now listen to his creator and leave all in his hands. He loved these beings so much. This could never become personal. All must reflect the lord s magnitude and impartiality. Michael was now finding it hard to face the painful conflict. Lucifer and the other angels were causing so much trouble and rebellion in his heavenly world, which must be dealt with swiftly. This would never be pleasant. Yet another conflict hid under the surface. It felt as though Lucifer had taken Michael s holy pure spirit and his devotion to the lord and had infected it with an unnatural substance. Michael shook his head. I must talk with the creator. coming. It was inevitable. He knew an end was

Chapter 8 The war had begun.

No violence. No physical harm, for all was of a spirit nature. Yet the tension was fierce and at times unbearable. Tears were now being shed in the kingdom. Hot sad heavy tears of pain and confusion, rage and loss. Suddenly the air was still. voices and emotions. The silence felt much worse after the storm of

The creator spoke. His voice was seldom heard, it seldom needed to be heard. He was calling the beings together as well as the angels. They came together in a designated location. All instantly arrived, as softly as the rustling of wings. The creator appeared and some of the beings instinctively bowed low to the ground, shielded their eyes or wept. Or did all three. Others did not. Arian began to bow low, weep, then looked around at the others, seemed to hesitate, and then stood upright. The message was clear. Lucifer and the other angels have decided to leave us. Arian sensed eyes accusing, searching, some angry, some confused, others merely hopeful. Did arian not know this would happen? Was arian not told this personally by the angel Lucifer? Arian felt special and yet deeply disturbed. The lord continued. Lucifer has decided to create a new world. and his voice seemed imbued with dismay.

The creator hesitated at this

Some of the beings here have decided to go with the angels to this new world. I must now warn you because I seek only your happiness. Here is perfection. Here Is peace and love such as you will never know anywhere else. This place which Lucifer wishes to create will be seriously flawed. it cannot be otherwise. For Lucifer has defied his lord and has allowed thoughts and feelings to enter his perfect nature which do not belong there. This will only create darkness and destruction. It cannot be otherwise.

Arian s mind cried out as memories showed Lucifer s warmth, his attention, his power and haunting eyes, which quickened arian s spirit.

No, this is not darkness.

It is not destruction.

It feels wonderful.

Almost as though the creator read arian s mind, he said, I know. I know the power that Lucifer has, the charm and the strength of his being. It is truly overwhelming. The lord stared into arian s soul now. He closed his eyes and his light momentarily wavered, then resumed the brightness that was beyond comprehension. This can only lead to unalterable destruction. For I see all things. I know all things. Please, my children, please remain here with us. Make the right choice. Lucifer could not reach arian here in the lord s direct presence, although the favored being strained to hear. The constant communication was a part of its existence, and arian was sure this was true for Lucifer as well. Suddenly arian looked up and saw Michael. Saw him glowing, sad and gentle. Never bold or aggressive. He nodded his head the being nodded in return and tried to smile. Michael turned his face ever so slightly and the being looked down. Could you leave Michael now? itself Could you leave all this? The being asked

Yet Michael never came to see them, never came to bestow his warm light and steady gaze, never came to envelop arian in such a fierce protective embrace as Lucifer did. What was there that was missing? Something teased at the being s mind, something essential that tried to form. Yet arian could not find It. Something that might change everything. If only. Arian sighed. I wish Lucifer was here now.

The lord was issuing another stern warning. Some of the souls gasped. Others shifted nervously. Still others waited in silence. You can never return here. Not as you were. Can you accept this?

Murmurs moved through the crowd, over and around like waves of sound. Some shook their heads in protest or disbelief, others shrugged in resignation.

Lucifer said that we could do all that we want, could create our own special world, lord. One brave voice rang out, then faltered at the end. There is a price that you must pay. Lucifer does not have my power. If he and the angels do this, they can never create as I do. What he can offer you is a badly flawed imitation, an illusion, a pale reflection. There is a high price. The lord s voice began thundering loudly. The lord s glow now became incendiary. He loved these beings, but now he must be harsh. He needed to reach them, to impress this upon them, or they would be forever lost. What is the price, lord? One asked as the others cried in fear. Can you tell us? No, I cannot. You must make your choice because of love. Because you love me and you love the kingdom. This saddens me greatly but I cannot reveal more than this. Please trust me now. Trust In my love and in my wisdom. There was uncomfortable silence and then renewed murmurs. The lord turned to Michael who seemed sad and cautious. Lord, Lucifer and the others have been tremendously insistent. They have spoken to these beings constantly and they have overwhelmed them with a sense of freedom and excitement. Michael suddenly burst out, can we not do the same now before it is too late? Can we not come to these beings and constantly remind them of the truth? Of all this? Michael extended his arms to include his surroundings. The creator shook his head. No Michael it is too late for that. Also, words are not necessary. If these beings we so love cannot see for themselves what we have here, if they cannot feel happy and content with all this perfection, there is no use. This must be allowed to unfold. Michael was near tears. Not only did he hate to see the lord so sad but to think of arian gone, the beings he so loved, the ones he came to in secret, watching over - this was too painful. Michael recalled how he would bring these beings little tokens of his affection, meeting their every need even before they conceived of a need. They possessed an innocent unawareness, and Michael loved them with the creator s love.

His eyes sought out arian among the crowd. Arian was leaving, moving among the crowd, gracefully and slowly. The lord saw this and he told his beloved archangel. Go to arian. Say what you feel. Say goodbye.

Michael burst from the lord s side and rushed to arian as though he was made of lightning. He appeared before the being now. The speed astounded even him. Arian gasped at the sight of him, eyes filled with tears. of the trees, and grass and flowing living green things. Arian, don t go,. Arian put a finger to Michael s lips. I am sorry. Why you cannot understand Eyes the color

Let me tell you The lord pulled him back from saying these things, pulled him back so gently in his mind that Michael knew he could not get too close, for even if the being remained here, there could be no such feelings as Lucifer offered. And those were the very same feelings that arian seemed so desperately to crave. Michael, I will miss you, but I want to go now. I want to be a part of this other world. It feels so different. I like the feeling. Lucifer is so strong. He fills my mind. Can you understand? Yes, I can. Michael whispered. Tears filled his eyes but he blinked them away. But this is not good, arian. It will come to no good. It will only hurt you. Please. Even as Michael spoke, even as his soul strained and fought to keep the being with him and make the truth be seen, it was no use. Arian was already gone. Arian was already Lucifer s. the green eyes that he stared into now told him everything. They were closed to him now. He softly whispered, goodbye, arian. I will miss you so much,

Then he disappeared, so much left unsaid, so much that needed to be told that could never be told now. For the first time since his creation, Michael felt despair and regret for what he was.

Chapter 9 The angels and Lucifer were cast from heaven by Michael and his legion. The souls of the beings soon followed at different times, not all at once. But soon they too were gone. Arian was one of the first to leave, at Lucifer s insistence. He glared at Michael with malevolence as he took arian s hand and commanded the being to come. Michael s soul felt deeply wounded inside. The remaining beings were calm and happy. All was well. Peace reigned and healing began, yet the trauma was on everyone s minds. The divisive split, the shocking rebellion, would never happen again, yet once was enough. The damage had been incalculable. Arian came to be in a body now which was soft and vulnerable, could be felt and seen, not one that could move swiftly and lightly with just a thought. No longer free and without limits. Arian felt heavy and slow. Movement was awkward. It was the new world. Arian ran hands over the dimensions of this body. The departure from paradise had been sudden and chaotic. The souls found themselves in a dark primeval land. Some of it seemed vaguely familiar. Yet the incandescent colors were gone. The glow was missing. Everything seemed slower, dimmer, sadder. Lucifer was not here. Arian searched everywhere in every corner of the mind. The mind was no longer clear. The thoughts seemed jumbled and there were no beautiful voices now, just arian s, questioning, wondering, endlessly commenting on all that surrounded. Lucifer, where are you? Arian said the words aloud, and the voice seemed strange, not musical and light and pretty. Just loud. Arian shook its head and tears fell from its eyes onto the pale small hands. Arian held them up. Is this all I have? Is this what I left heaven for?

Arian. A familiar voice, achingly commanding and beautiful . The voice belonged to another time, another place. Out of place here.

Arian whirled around. Lucifer! Arian gave him a brilliant smile. The joy in the smile staggered Lucifer. He had reflected this being s appearance once in heaven. Arian was being seen the way the angels and the creator saw. The beauty of the soul reflected in the face. The beauty of the soul expressed through the appearance. These things the beings were never to know. Yet Lucifer had done it. To show arian how he saw this beauty. To make visible, to give form and expression to the formless and the invisible. Now here the beauty remained. Lucifer made sure of that. because of his limited power and what was taken from him, Everything was muted, changed, the ethereal glow forever gone. Although a light still shone in those precious green eyes and when arian smiled Lucifer s heart ached from the sight of it. You could never disguise the soul, Lucifer thought. Arian, I am here. Do you like this? He gestured at the world around them.

Lush forests and woods, too much greenery, arian remembered thinking. Yes, it is different. They are here. I am glad you are here. Where are the others?

They are around.

You will see them soon.

He took arian s hand. Arian, here everything is different. His gaze swept over the being s body, taking it all in. You have an appearance now, and a body. You are a female. I have made ALL THIS. Female? Arian peered into his face, searching for clues.

Yes. In heaven, we are all the same. There is no need for separation or distinction. Yet here, Lucifer frowned, there Is a difference. There are two kinds of beings now - male and female. It has been divided so.

Arian touched her breasts as he pointed to them, and her hands glided over the areas of her body. Lucifer, how? Why?

Arian seemed puzzled. God has. Lucifer frowned. It was part of the price. He spat this word out. As though a price was needed. As though we had to be punished. His eyes flashed and arian took a deep breath. We deserve this freedom. Before we left, the creator informed us that this would happen. No more spirit. No more pure being, incapable of change or harm. Our lord told us that the beings, like you arian, would be forever changed. subject to certain conditions. Arian continued to search Lucifer s face for understanding of this mystery, but he remained unreadable. Then he smiled. You are beautiful. But why this?

She gave a weak smile in return. She looked down at her body.

You are a female. A woman. You have a body. It is flesh and blood, now. Not just spirit. The spirit is inside. Lucifer tapped the area of her chest. Arian recalled his initial proud declaration that he had done this, and she looked away. He hesitated and seemed distracted then dismissed the subject with a wave of his hand. But that is of no concern. This is ours. It is not his.

Arian tried to brighten as he did, to reflect his optimism and strident hope. She studied his face. Here she could actually see his features. Clearer now that he was no longer an angel. Was that part of the lord s condition? His price? Everything seemed so much darker and smaller here. not mention this right now. She thought she should

Lucifer took her hand a little too roughly and held it to his lips. This surprised arian as he had never done this before. Her body seemed to ache

now, a sensation which she did not like or understand. flashed in Lucifer s eyes - lightning before a storm.

Yet something Terrible lightning.

She could not help staring into those beautiful eyes - eyes that darkened and hid precious secrets from her. Even as they drank her in and saw her as no one ever could.

Chapter 10 Here was night as well as day. The days separate from the night. night terrible and dark. How long would arian be alone? the

Was this whole creation just for her? She chided herself for being so proud. No, others would come. Where were they? Everything had changed. She understood now what the lord was trying to tell them. unimaginable change. How would they go on existing? Such an

She shuddered and knew she felt cold. The center of her body hurt. She sensed it and it ached. What was that? Hunger. Instantly she knew she was hungry and she needed food. To put certain things inside her mouth and her body that would nourish her, end the pain, and give her strength to go on living. An angel would appear at times in their new existence. Not Lucifer. One of his kind, a lesser angel. He would help her, bringing food to her, teaching her how to gather this food for herself. He told her she would be alone for a while, just a little while longer. Things were not settled yet. People were not in place yet, but they would be. The angel would give her a curious glance and leave. Arian knew she was Lucifer s special one, the one that touched his heart. She smiled in spite of the cold and the dark and the hunger, which always returned no matter how much she consumed. She would need to lie down and sleep now, close her eyes. She would dream of what used to be, of a shiny bright world. Then she would wake up crying and see what was around her. One night after many nights had passed, arian was alone dreaming. Michael

was in her dream. Could Lucifer know this? Could he sense what she was thinking and feeling, as he used to in heaven? She awoke with a start. Lucifer was standing before her, silent. She smiled up at him. he did not return her smile. She could hardly see his face, but she knew it was him. The power and force of his personality was unmistakable. Then he spoke. Quietly, still standing over her.

These feelings I have - they grow stronger,. They take on another form now, as you do. Now you are here. You are mine. You have a body. Not just a spirit. Things can be different here, we can do whatever we want. He could not say the word love . he could not. The word could not proceed from his lips. Yet he could say other things . Surely these things came close to love. Then he realized he could not adequately express any feelings to arian. The chaotic intensity, the twisted passion inside, could never be contained by words. He would show her how he felt. He would express these feelings in a new way, for the new world that he had brought into existence. With an explosion he could not control, he came to arian with all his force and all his might. He too had assumed a body of flesh and blood like arian s for just this moment, only much different. She would later know that he had been male to her female. Surely she would understand. Lucifer could not bear the thought of arian being with any other. He knew she would need to be yet this tormented him endlessly. He had decided that night to come to her and show her how he felt, to be the first to touch her in her new incarnation, and to be with her in this new way. So unfamiliar yet so overwhelming it could never be forgotten. Arian slept for 2 days, her body in terrible pain. She cried, twisted and turned in her bed. while Lucifer s spirt burned with renewed strength of the feelings and drives he had expressed and unleashed, arian s spirit ached in despair. When she awoke, she was resigned, quiet, no longer searching for Lucifer.

No longer excited, no longer feeling special. She met others. They lived together in a community and formed bonds, ate, talked, slept. They all became close. Arian never spoke of heaven, or of what they left behind. She never spoke of Lucifer again.

Chapter 11 Lucifer had never found another like arian. So deeply devoted. Yet now he sought other beings, with bodies like arian. He wanted the feeling he had with arian that night repeated over and over again. He wanted to unleash his anger, his power, his control, his strength, and this was a way he truly enjoyed. He could not ever do that to arian again, for his power was such that he could easily cause irreparable harm, and arian had been so fragile, so small. He did not wish to hurt her anymore. So Lucifer sought out others. Soon he did not care whether they were male or female. The feeling of control, the feeling of release, was all he wanted.

Michael approached the lord.

The lord beckoned him to come closer.

His light encompassed Michael from his head to his feet. It bathed him with healing power. Michael, this had to be. Lord, I need to ask you, how long will arian remain this way? A lifetime in this new created world can be short or long. It depends on the body s conditions and the circumstances. When the body weakens, it can no longer function. the spirit is then released. Then she comes here? Perhaps. Back? Michael wiped his tears away She may decide to go back. Michael wept, soft and bitter tears.

The lord seemed troubled.

How?

Other lifetimes. That is possible? Yes.

Other incarnations.

Why would she do this?

How can she not see? It cannot always be helped.

The spirit can be blinded by many things. Yes, I know. Michael glanced down.

I want to help.

The lord already knew.

He needed Michael to express this himself.

Michael struggled with the words, something he had never done. I love you, my master. I love it here. I love who I am. It is my life. He looked up. But I want now to see if I can join them, become part of their world, only to help. Arian, she needs help. Maybe others do as well. The lord was moved to pity. He saw the sacrifice his angel would need to make. The enormous shift, the horrible burden. Michael was a total creature of paradise in every way. Never rebelling, never questioning or hesitating. Superbly holy and pure. It pained the lord to think of what he would have to endure, and also give up. Yet perhaps he could help others. Not just arian. Although the creator knew that this was Michael s primary reason and always would be. This would not be easy. He then spoke to Michael telepathically, showing Michael visions of what was to come, explaining about the body and nature, about aging and dying and death. All conditions now of the new world and irreversible. He explained now the death of the body, what it involved, what it felt like, looked like, and how it was the only way the soul could re-enter the kingdom, if indeed it was able to do so, and was ready to do so. I will help her, lord. I will see her through this and return her to heaven. I will make sure her spirit is ready. Are you willing to endure these conditions, Michael? Yes, lord, if I need to. If there is no other way to be with them.

You may come to them as my angel, to minister and heal. They may not be able to see you or sense your presence. Would you rather do this? Michael thought of this. He remembered how his purity and humility was such that he had done this once before in heaven for them - for arian coming unbidden, unseen, unappreciated and unknown. Such was his nature. Yet he saw now what it had done, and what it had cost him. It had cost him arian and all the others. Should he come to her again like that? What good would it do? Then the more aggressive Lucifer would appear and move her in ways that Michael could never compete with. What

was the purpose? He said firmly and slowly, stepping forward, I want to do this, lord. I am ready. I will become human, with a body as they do. I will see myself as they see themselves. I will do this, master. The lord saw compassion and humility in his angel michael, a desire to help and to serve, a willingness to sacrifice for the needs of others. Michael clearly had larger motives. He saw himself as saving all the others, taking them back to heaven when the time was right, making sure their souls remained good and open. I will agree to this, said the lord. My beloved Michael, I love you. I want you here with me. But I know you need to do this and you will not have peace until this Is done. Why was I powerless, lord? Why? At that moment?

He remembered arian helpless, under Lucifer s body there in the dark. She loved him so, she clung to him, hoping for tenderness and affection, and all that was given her was brutal pain, such as she had never known. Michael, do not think of these things any longer. It is over. Let your mind be clear.

I know you, my lord. I believe in your goodness. You would not have wanted her to suffer and feel this pain. You would not have wanted this for her. I wanted none of this. I begged them to stay.

Only a word from you and she would have been safe.

No, Michael, things are no longer that simple or easy. Our power here is unchallenged, complete and limitless. Yet once the creation of another power opposed to ours has entered into existence, this opposing power must of necessity be cast down and sent elsewhere, to form its own domain. In its world, theirs is the dominant power, and ours is limited. Not completely, yet enough. So that we cannot always do what we would like to do. I understand. Michael held a hand to his brow and looked up, as though seeing for the first time. How could any give this up, for what is there? In all fairness, they did not know what they would have. Would it have been better to have told them make a wise choice, master? everything, so they could

Michael, if they could not see what was here and love it for its own sake, then their spirits already possess a flawed weakness. if they could be so easily dissatisfied, so easily swayed, then our world would never have been enough for them. This had to be Yes. Michael nodded quickly although his mind still struggled to accept in his heart what he had been told. When can I leave? Whenever you are ready. Michael took a deep breath. Details must now be gone over, but the essential part was finished.

Before Michael incarnated into a world he had never wished to be a part of, the creator placed one more condition on him - the worst, in Michael s eyes. He would no longer look like the archangel that arian knew. He would not be recognizable to her or to anyone else. Yet if her spirit was as pure and as loving as god knew, she would bond with Michael immediately, without really knowing why, purely on the strength of their spirits, and a haunting remembrance from their long ago world. Michael was ready.

Chapter 12 Michael came into arian s life now, once again, in the guise of a plain yet honest young man. Dark long hair, scruffy beard, deep brown eyes full of wonder and shyness. Arian saw him one day and introduced herself, with her usual open simplicity. They had never touched as others did, as she and Lucifer had done that night. That was not to be. She saw the others together, the other couples, the females carrying small beings now in their bellies, forcing them out with much pain, with much blood, after time had passed. Things constantly changing, expanding in this world. For good or for bad, arian could never be sure. souls who had remained in heaven offered to go to this world now as tiny babies and be born to the other souls. Some wanted to come out of curiosity but most wanted to do this out of a desire to help. The reasons were as complex and infinite as the number of souls. The souls in heaven could only come now in this manner, as tiny beings in the female bodies forced out into the world, helpless, small, weak. This was the only way. It had been decided. Michael did not need to do this, in this, his first incarnation, and, he fervently hoped, his last. He would come fully grown, his status as an angel ensuring him of this privilege. Arian and he could never bring such tiny babies into the world, could never watch them grow. They were friends - the best of friends. Michael made sure arian was protected and happy. Lucifer never again came to her. He had become like a prowler loose among the earth, roaming, seeking others to control. Yet Michael could see how attached arian still was. The ache in her eyes was unmistakable. Michael knew, with an angel s deep wisdom, that Lucifer had placed that ache and that longing there. Only him. Once they were sharing some food together. Michael, who was now known as bettan - and arian who had kept her original name, with an a added to the end so that it was now ariana Michael said shyly, you are always special to me. You always will be.

Ariana glanced up, so startled she dropped her food. A beautiful pink color spread over her face and a strange light came into her eyes. She peered into his face then she looked down and awkwardly placed her food back before her.

Bettan, she warmly clasped her hands over his. well

You are special to me as

She felt a warmth inside her that made her cry. It was the beginning of love. A lifetime of love, a bond that could never be broken. Little did she know that this bond would surpass not only this lifetime but many others to come. Some years passed and ariana became down. Life was hard here, cold and Lucifer ever found out what he was, would set off on a path of horrible elsewhere. tired. Her movements were slowing unforgiving. Michael knew that if and the close bond they shared, he destruction. But Lucifer was busy

Lucifer had created a world in which he could have ultimate control, engaging in whims and desires without heed or hesitation. He was just beginning to exercise this power and this freedom. Did he know ariana lay sick and dying, so pale? Her life here had been short. She was still beautiful, her hair not yet touched by age. The others were also dying young. It was the first incarnation and this had to be expected, as adjustments were made, and conditions adapted to. Bettan held her hand, stroked her hair and her warm forehead. Where is he? Ariana asked. to understand. Where is my Lucifer? Michael knew who she meant. He pretended not

I need him.

Her soul cried out with all its might.

The room suddenly darkened and the air felt charged with a strange tension. Bettan stood up. Lucifer appeared, just as bettan remembered him. He never showed himself like this, only to one being at a time. Never like this. Yet here he was, careless in his distress. He flung himself at ariana. Be careful. is weak. Michael/bettan stepped forward, putting out his hands. She

Lucifer turned on him, his eyes fierce and challenging. do you want? Why are you here with her? His voice was cold and threatening. I am bettan. I am her friend.

Who are you?

What

Michael found it hard to smile and be friendly. He averted his eyes from the glaring angel. Lucifer came over to him. He circled around him slowly. Bettan stared at ariana. Her eyes were open. She was watching, afraid. What was wrong? Lucifer. She called out weakly. He is good.

Lucifer repeated the word with a strange tone. Yes. Good. And I am bad. He smiled but his eyes were brutally cold. Ariana felt his pain, for only she could see. She could always see the scared defiant child inside the huge creature. She held out her arms to him. Lucifer, I am here. Come to me.

He turned to her and flung himself into her arms. I am sorry. I am so sorry.

He wept.

All the love she had felt for him, all her devotion and trust, the way she had made him feel, poured into his mind and flooded his being. He remembered everything. He remembered now. I brought you here. You came here for me. And I had left. muffled against her shoulder. I could not stay, ariana. He let go of her and sat back on the bed. I saw what I had done to you. I did not forget you - no, never. I only knew that I could no longer hurt you, and If I had remained, I would have done so. That night I know. She closed her eyes. I loved to think of you. I hated to lose you. But you are always right here. She put a fist to her heart. She was leaving him now, going back. The pain was unbearable. He looked up at the ceiling. He would not pray. He would not say prayers or plead to his lord. His voice was

Ariana, I will find you again. I will find out where you have gone. I can never be a part of heaven anymore, or see what takes place there. But I promise I will find you again, no matter what I have to do. She nodded and smiled. Yes, this has to be . forever - for good or bad We are a part of each other

She clasped his hand and held It to her lips as he had once done to hers.

Be at peace, my angel, for I will always remember you as my angel she said. No more words were needed. She withdrew from this life now, with one last breath. Lucifer saw her spirit leave her body. Light clean and beautiful, as she was. Her spirit ascended and then vanished from his sight. Lucifer could see this. Michael, having become human, could only sense this. Michael/bettan put together his hands in prayer instinctively and wept silent tears. Lucifer sensed this, and whirled around. Coming over to Michael so swiftly, the air barely moved around him. He slapped Michael hard across the face. A red mark quickly formed on his cheek. Lucifer did not know this was his adversary from heaven. he felt was astounding. You pray. He sneered. make me sick. You pray for what? To whom? Yet the animosity

You insult me.

You

Bettan turned to leave but Lucifer blocked his way, increasing the size of his being until he filled the entire doorway. You are one of the beings that came here with us? He stared into Michael s eyes relentlessly, trying to probe his mind. his powers were not as before, and he could not discern anything. Bettan nodded. Yes, I am one of them Then why don t I remember you? Surely I would But

Lucifer grabbed his arm. have remembered you.

You cannot remember us all. Michael smiled weakly, and his mouth shook. I was one among many, one you barely noticed, perhaps.

Lucifer knew something was wrong, yet he could not figure out what it was. He released bettan s arm and stepped aside. You loved her. Bettan gently answered. You took care of her. Yes I am glad. Go now. I will take care of the rest. Yes

Michael left the woods, eager to find out if ariana made it to heaven. His own passing happened a while later, peacefully, as he slept. As it was his first incarnation, although he had been created in full form, without birth, he still had to leave the earth as the others did. Death was the only way the spirit could return.

Chapter 13 Ariana was there, waiting, standing next to the lord. Michael remembered. He saw a lake behind them, crystal clear, sparkling with lights. Ariana, he held out his hand as she had done to Lucifer. She took it. Such a

Words spilled from her about her meeting the others and bettan. nice young man, such beautiful dark hair. Michael smiled. She never mentioned the night with Lucifer. Are you happy to be back? Yes. She hesitated. The lord asked.

What is it, child? I am not sure. The others are still there. Many of them will remain, and some will even choose to go back. I do not know why

And you? The silence was frightening for michael Ariana looked at the lord, then Michael, helpless. Bewildered, she said, I feel as though I must. Why, because of Lucifer? She shook her head. Child, stay a while. spirit clear. Michael was angry.

Not just that, no. Think. Rest here. There is time. Let your mind and

Yes. I think this is a good idea. hand.

She smiled at Michael and took his

Let us go for a walk.

There is so much I want to tell you.

She seemed like another spirit now, no longer innocent and unaware. There was something deeper now, a wisdom, a sense of serenity and strength, that Michael truly adored. Chapter 14 for a time, but the get a distant look feel things that to her? Did he want

ArianA stayed with the lord. She lived there in peace call from the other world was irresistible. she would in her eyes and see things that Michael could not see, Michael could not share. Did she hear Lucifer calling her back?

Was that what she saw and heard in the deep places where her heart and her mind would go? He knew he could let her go, and release her in his heart as well, with the lord s blessing and permission. Once a spirit returned again to earth, there would be no conscious memory of who they were and of where they came from. The conditions they would need to have in their incarnations, the circumstances and sacrifices they would need to endure, were discussed, explained and accepted. This was placed deep in their souls, far from any

conscious awareness. Yet the soul always remembers. Michael at first was reluctant to do this. For he needed to remember, needed to remain aware. But this was not to be. He agreed to comply with these conditions, for he could not leave ariana alone there. He tried never to question the creator, but than he was given. he longed for more answers he

One condition that was placed upon them both was that they could never be husband and wife. This too was part of their sacrifice. They returned then to the earth - Michael and ariana, as she was now known.

Part two Chapter 1

TWO CELTIC GIRLS

Two young female babies, born in a land of mystical dangerous beauty and primeval wonder. Michael had wanted to know what it was like to be as his beloved ariana was - a female, on earth. He needed to learn from this, to share her experience, to feel as she had felt. Ariana was born on a winter day - a blonde haired child in an ancient celtic Britain - with large serious eyes the color of the sky in summer. She had been born with her eyes wide open and staring, prepared to see all. Unflinching. Not like before. She did not cry as the other babies did. She stared into her parents faces with an eerie calm. Her parents named her riona, which means like a queen . for she indeed had the demeanor of a queen, even from birth. Proud, aloof, strong and wise. Ariana had asked the creator for permission to be this way - not weak, not vulnerable and tender, but strong. She needed to see what it was like to

have her own power. ariana wished for this with all her soul, remembering an earlier time, and the pain her weakness had caused her. The lord had agreed to this. And so riona was born.

Another female child was born a few days later, nearby. A red-haired baby, Her eyes closed, her face pink and small, with a pointed chin and a heart shaped dainty face. She cried a thin weak mournful cry, reluctant to face the world. The eyes, once opened, were a lovely amber color, with flecks of gold. This was Michael.

Chapter 2

They would not meet for a while. This child was named davina which means beloved girl for she was beloved from the moment of birth. Her parents were old and peasants, and davina had been an unwelcome surprise. But once they saw her, their hearts filled with a fierce desire to protect and love her, no matter what. Riona grew to be strong, tall and lovely, with long graceful legs. and proud she was, earthy and athletic. Sure

She was strong in body, mind and spirit, as requested from the creator. For she recalled all too painfully her earlier fragility. As the creator had agreed to this, there was sadness In his consent. Much about ariana remained in turmoil and confusion. She had no peace, and could not be happy. She ran through the woods from an early age, loving the fresh air and the sunlight all around her, flashing through the trees. She was gifted with her body, with much energy and strength. She felt like a wild animal at these times, uncaged and free, impossible to harm or to capture. She would pretend as she ran that she was a creature of the woods, not a girl any longer. She loved these times, and it was there that she renewed her spirit. Davina was the opposite of riona. She was a sickly child from birth, confined to her room for long periods. She could not run or go out into

the world with ease and grace. But she stayed at home and learned many things from her mother, who sat by her and told her stories of their people and their history. Of magic and healing, of philosophy and war, stories that inspired davina and filled her life. She became gifted in the ways of her people.

Riona s parents were noble people, who were highly respected in their clan. Although they too loved their daughter, she disturbed them. Why did she not act as the other children did? She was not playful, she did not cry , they remembered her birth and her challenging, serious eyes. They saw her as an omen, although of what kind they could not be sure. They would speak to one of the priests about this. riona remained aloof. efficiency and She would help her mother with her duties with

care. Yet she longed to leave the house and run in the woods. could she breathe.

Only there

In the woods, once, riona stopped in a clearing. The peace of that moment moved her to stillness. The white morning sunlight shone on that space, almost glowing, and the leaves were glowing too, as the sun touched them. She was mesmerized by that light. She let the peace of that moment sink into her, and as she did so she heard voices. She was not one to be frightened, but her eyes widened. Whispers. Like the leaves. Like the wind. Whispering to her. only hear words and phrases. The whispers became louder. She could

her parents spoke of the magic in the woods, of gods and goddesses, of spirits in every living thing. But this was new to her. she stepped back and fell over a branch on the ground. She instantly rose with her usual grace and turned and fled, trying not to show fear, but running with sure confidence. Riona never mentioned this to her parents.

Chapter 3 Michael had taken upon weakness so she could have strength. upon sickness, SO she could have health. He asked for this. He had taken

As davina, he would take upon many conditions so she would not have to. Michael could not offer her his strength now for she did not need it, and had much of her own. Now he was the weak one, but he could offer her his sickness and his weakness, as his gift and his sacrifice. Although riona and davina were part of the same clan , riona s parents were considered nobles. Therefore, she was sent away, at an early age, to another clan from her mother s side, to be trained and educated. She found the separation to be remarkably easy, for riona had an independent spirit, and did not need to be close to anybody, not even her parents. This naturally upset them, even as they spoke with pride of their daughter s dignity and reserve. They were wounded inside, and could not feel a closeness to her When she returned at the age of 15. The pre-destined promises made in paradise were not remembered, yet a sacred feeling passed between riona and davina when they first met. It was a cold day at harvest time. There was a festival. Music, and dancing, young men and women gathered together to meet over food and drink and dancing, to find a future husband or wife, couples relieving the stress and monotony of caring for farms and children, to come together and tell stories, share burdens, laugh and feel close to others again. Wars had not needed to be fought for a while. All was peaceful. Food was plentiful, and everyone spoke with gratitude for the favors of the gods. Riona never liked this talk. It irritated her to hear of such things. But sometimes she would remember her run in the woods, and the clearing, and the whispering voices. Then she saw davina. A pretty, dainty redheaded girl with fair skin, so fair it could almost be seen through. She was standing by a table, looking around shyly, her long red hair in a braid with beads placed through it. Her hair was a reddish gold, a muted red, not the fiery red of most of the women with such color hair that riona knew. Riona herself had hair so blonde it was almost white. Riona approached now, feeling as out of place as davina looked to be. Davina turned to her and smiled. Hello. She said. Riona smiled back.

I am riona, the daughter of Gitta and fearghus.

I am davina- my parents are conlan and brianna.

I know them! It was a long time ago. Riona stared closely at davina s face. I was sent away for a while. I just came back. But I seem to remember - your parents - and you - are you the sweet little girl who was always at home? Davina flushed and looked down. Riona stammered out, No, I was very frail. But you are better? Davina shrugged. Today I am. Then she smiled and suddenly took riona s hand. She did not know why she did it, it was uncharacteristic of the girl, but she was glad she did. The feeling then came to them both. A feeling of belonging and comfort that surely riona had never experienced with anyone, not even her family. There is food here. Have some with me! Yes, that was me.

you were not healthy -

Davina led her friend to the table where they joked and laughed and filled their plates with cheeses and breads of all kinds, with meats and fruits. Then they sat and listened to music. Davina would not get up and dance, nor would she sing, although she had a lovely speaking voice. A young man with dark blonde hair approached them both but his eyes were clearly on riona. He nodded at davina politely and then turned his attention to riona. Will you dance with me? Or have some food?

I have some already. Riona looked at her plate and frowned slightly but she did not know why. She felt defiant and angry for no particular reason. This kind of attention was unusual for her and not entirely welcome. Riona, go and dance. I will take care of this. Go on. He was tall as she

Davina gently took the plate from her and smiled.

She left then, and danced with the handsome young man. was but not very graceful.

Chapter 4 As Riona grew in strength and beauty, her best friend Davina became weaker, until the day came when riona came to be at her side, for yet another wasted day. Riona considered it to be so - an empty futile existence which she would fight against and despise. But to davina everything had a purpose. In her soul she was happy. She learned much in the peace of her room, with her beloved parents at her side and around her. She saw the sunlight on a good day - and there were many such days - and she heard the birds sing, she felt the beautiful stillness of the night. When she did go out and live like the others, she considered it a precious gift - not to be taken for granted or squandered. Riona had decided to marry the boy who had asked her to dance at the festival. He was not what she had dreamed of, not what she had hoped for. He was quiet and plain, steady and simple. Her parents were like that as well, and riona smiled to herself at the irony of this. Was she destined to be surrounded by people who were nothing like her, and could never understand her nor share in her vision? Then she blushed with shame as she looked over at davina resting on a fur on the bare floor of her home, covered with a multi-patterned blanket. No doubt her mother had lovingly created this. Here was a girl so unlike riona - was she not simple and plain, quiet and steady? Yet riona felt a bond with her like no other. She felt in some way that davina was the luckier one, she was the greater of the two, although riona could not understand this feeling, and she did not care to analyze it. Her pride would not let her. All these feelings and thoughts in her mind caused sudden anger, and riona strode hurriedly over to davina, knelt down next to her and and whispered fiercely, Come take my strength now. Let me do this. I can do this. Do you believe in such things?

Davina looked into her eyes, and smiled.

Riona nodded quickly, but her eyes betrayed a fear. Of course I do. I can do this for you, Davina.

It was part of their faith, the belief in magic, healing potions and incantations, a power that was all around. I can do this. Riona insisted, her voice

breaking. Do you believe me? her friend.

She leaned over until she was so close to

I believe you, davina finally whispered. Good. Riona patted the blanket and gently pulled it close to davina, to cover her. Then close your eyes and rest now. Be still. She placed her hand on davina s forehead, and closed her eyes as well. She began to murmur things she had learned from her mother and father, things she had heard others speak of. She called upon names and spirits and gods that her people believed in, this was always something that riona did not believe in, not in the same way as the others. She always relied on her own strength, her own intelligence, and she never felt as much of a need to turn to the invisible realm. In this way alone, she remained an outsider among her kind. But now for her friend, she would do this. make it work. She would believe and she would

Davina felt the warmth of her hand, and her body as she lay close to davina, putting her head next to her friend s. davina looked into her face, then quickly turned away. What she saw in riona s face caused her too much pain. Riona wanted to cry. She strained from the effort of repeating these words, she was by turns angry, fearful and sad. Davina could see all this. Then suddenly she stopped. She seemed to be listening to something. Davina opened her eyes again. She glanced over at riona. What is wrong? Are you tired?

Riona shook her head but the strange look in her eyes remained. The whispers had returned. Insistent, haunting, beautiful. There was one whisper she did not like, it did not seem as comforting or as benevolent as the others. Why she could not tell. Yet the others - riona listened. When she turned again to davina, her expression had transformed. Davina

could feel her strength. Her will had a life of its own. It was as though she needed davina to get well, and this need gave birth to an unstoppable energy. All she need do now was place her hands on davina again, and be still. Then she stood to leave. You will feel better. You will see.

I know, davina quietly answered and surprised herself with the confidence she felt. I need you, davina. She bent down again, patted her friend s head playfully and kissed her cheek with a gaiety she did not feel. A look of sadness and pain passed over her face, then it was gone. I will never let you down, Davina whispered. At these words riona gave her a curious glance, and then she shrugged. I will leave now, but I will return tomorrow. Davina smiled. She could already feel the ache from her friend s absence. She had been preparing herself for this even before riona left the room. Eat something now. Be strong. Eat!! and grinned, and then was gone. She stopped at the doorway, turned

I love you, davina whispered to herself. She ate well after riona had left, and even had a second dish. Her parents exchanged looks of happiness.

Davina began to take walks now

Chapter 5 Riona planned to marry the young man she knew from the festival. was gentle, as he was, blayne. Her spirits were in deep despair. His name

When she envisioned her future, and saw

what her mother had known, and most of the women, she did not feel happiness or hope. What was wrong with her? Were her parents right? When she thought of her childhood dreams and feelings, she remembered the sensation of daring and adventure, of limitless energy and hope. Now all she could see was the soft blurry deadening procession of days and nights. Not bad, no, not evil, but not what she had once known and longed for. Riona let out a scream in the forest, and it echoed long time. for what seemed like a

The whispers again. This time only the one voice she recalled as disturbing and lacking benevolence. Come to me. In your dream. I will be there. Wait for me.

She shivered and ran out of the woods.

Chapter 6 Riona dreamt that night - she saw a shining palace such as she had never seen. Like melting sun. she shielded her eyes from the unfamiliar glow. She saw another glow. What seemed to be a lake of water, with so many lights shining beneath the surface. She had never seen such a wonder. The only thing that came close was the sight of sunlight on the water in their towns. She stepped closer to touch the surface. The lake vanished beneath her finger tips. There is nothing here. She saw a face unlike hers or anyone else s where the lake was. The being was huge. He was a man -a beautiful man, or so it seemed - yet his features were not distinguishable. Still, riona was able to tell there was a beauty there. He glowed with a light that was pleasant to see. His voice resonated in a strange way, like distorted echoes.

Ariana. He spoke this name. she shook her head. Why is he calling me this name? she felt a sadness that made her want to cry. The way he had said the name. she refused to give in to her sadness. She looked around. The blue sky with streaks of pinks and oranges and light purple, more startling than any colors at home. What is this? Ariana. Where am I? she finally asked. Is that what he has done to you?

Have you forgotten?

He stepped forward. I could not reach you except in this manner. happy? She looked into his face. Yes. You knew me. Forgotten? But I am here now. Are you

I knew you?

All this. Here.

She shuddered and a sense of longing came into her - a longing for a nameless something, a nameless someone, this creature before her . Seeming like her, but something so much more. Was he the source of this longing? Words could not come out of her mouth, but somehow he could hear her and she could hear him.. Riona became harsh and demanding, as she often did when she was frightened and unsure. Explain yourself to me. Explain all this. He

His eyes saddened at this. She was so different from his ariana. searched for her true self, her original soul, hidden within this deceptively beautiful woman. I am Lucifer. You were here with me once. original home. You loved me.

This was your

Floods of memories battled in her mind, colors, trees, beings of immense and fearful light - pain, regret, love, peace and fear. The recollection of divine peace such as she had never known. She cried out. You cry for me? So you remember? He stepped closer to her. He was so beautiful. She wanted to

She looked at him through her tears.

touch his face and yet - something moved beneath the placid surface of his features. Something twisting, a shifting - she stepped closer to see. It was as though there were another being beneath the first, trying to get out. Yet the beautiful appearance remained, unaffected by this. You came back because of me. I know this. He threw his head back proudly you returned because of me, ariana. Yet you don t remember. So I have done this. My head hurts. Of course. At once the shiny palace and surroundings began to move, shimmer and disappear. She was now on a soft comfortable surface. This is a dream? What else could it be? He stared into her eyes, smiling strangely. said I would find you and come in your dream, did I not? I Can I rest now?

She lay back and sighed deeply. She was so tired. Then she thought of her home and davina. She would leave him and this world. This would be the end of her strange dream. Yet it did not feel like a dream. She closed her eyes and slept. When she awoke, the being was gone. was still on the comfortable surface. Am I still in my dream? I need to wake now and go home. Her mind began to chatter. What was the being s name? what did he want? She could not remember. She

Bow down to me. She heard the words in her mind, so clear and yet with a childlike plaintiveness. Worship me. She looked around. Suddenly she felt a force so powerful it shook her body. back. She could not move. She had to lie

What is happening? He appeared now, slowly evolving, until he became clear and strong. She glanced up at him, unafraid. He did not arouse fear in her, only curiosity and a strong sad ache that she could not comprehend. The world you now inhabit is cold. It needs beings to worship. All of nature.

We worship the sun, the moon, the trees and living things. There is powerful magic, Riona answered.

She remembered davina and the incantations that seemed to heal her friend. He put up his hand to silence her. Magic. He said the word with contempt. Then he smiled. Do you really believe your world has magic in it? Or any of you? You and your small insignificant people? He came down to her level and as he bent to look into her face his eyes burned like fire. You need a being to worship. To bow before. Such as you do now here with me. Tell your people this. Tell them about me. She gave him a puzzled look. You can t come to them yourself? He stood up. No. it is not as it was before. As time goes by, my power changes. but not completely. He shot her a warning glance. I can still do things. Many, many things. I will show you upon your return. When can I go back? I need to go back

When you are ready, my love. He said the words softly, but there was a hint of anger and sarcasm in his gentle tone. He motioned for her to lie back down, and then he placed hands over her body. She felt so warm. Rest now, my ariana. I am here. He searched back in time, when she once lay on a bed, and then finally that one last time, when he had to say goodbye - a pain he had never known and never wished to repeat moved through him and then left as he willed it to leave.

Chapter 7 Riona was being shaken awake by strong hands. She opened her eyes slowly. They felt grainy and dry. her, her parents and some of her uncles and aunts. What happened to you? One said. good. Is she sick? People were around

You were asleep for so long.

That is not

Another relative asked anxiously. It seemed as though

Davina stepped forward, her face pale and concerned. she had been crying.

I had a dream. Such a strange dream. Riona reached out to davina and tried to draw her near, to tell her these things.

Davina smiled. Now you are back. I am so happy! You came to me and made me well, and now I must do the same for you. She left and returned with some water. Here. Drink. Davina had suddenly taken over the situation, when all the others merely stood by helpless and afraid. She did this with no fuss or arrogance, merely a desire to help her friend. Riona drank eagerly. She was very thirsty.

Davina was concerned. The details of the dream were bad omens. Of this she was sure. But she would not say this to her friend. For she did not feel that this being was a god, or meant for good. She just knew in her heart. But why would he come to riona? She meditated on these things day and night. She tried to understand, to find a key to the mystery. But her worry only grew. And so the days passed, uneventful and peaceful.

Chapter 8 Lucifer knew the creator existed. He knew that the day would come in the future when humanity would come to know the living god, for he would make his presence felt. When the people were truly ready, god would appear. But now there was still time. There was a void, and Lucifer could step in.

He had read ariana s mind - or riona, as she was called - what a silly name. he frowned slightly. So unsuited to his sweet angel. He had read her mind as her thoughts raced by, and he had known about this girl - her friend - davina. A weak, silly, foolish girl with no obvious strength. So she was what had called riona back. She was the reason riona had desperately needed to return. Lucifer felt a cold hard sensation unlike his usual hot and raging infernos. He pondered relentlessly over this girl. She was sickly. had been sick. Very sick. Riona had healed her. But how?

She

Lucifer knew the humans had no such powers on their own. They could only experience these things through him and his kind. God s power rarely showed itself here, not as it once did in paradise. Of that Lucifer was positive, and he made every effort to ensure that it remained so. The how of davina s healing was an unsolved puzzle and Lucifer was content to leave it so. The whys were his obsession. Why would she do this? She loved this girl? Love. Love. Lucifer could never accept this word into his mind but it kept repeating. He saw davina s face the way riona had seen it. This too had been in her mind as she lay down, and Lucifer saw. enormous effort, but he saw it all.

It took

Her sweet, pale face staring up at riona. So close, so full of affection. Lucifer became sick inside and he shook as though he had a fever.

Chapter 9 The day of the summer festival was warm, the sun powerful and bright yellow.

Once again, the music of harps, flutes, and drums. Dancing. Swirling tunics and clanging bracelets. Clapping and singing and stamping of feet. Some removed their leather sandals and ran through the grass, barefoot. It was a cloudless, slow, beautiful day. Another reason to be grateful. Children ran in and out of crowds of teenagers and adults. Boys awkwardly stood around, watching the girls. The girls returned their glances with smiles and giggles. Food was everywhere, heaped onto platters. Voices laughing, talking, shouting arguing, and singing. All rising together up to the skies, like an offering of joy. Lucifer heard this too and he felt a chill. He was ready. Let it be done according to my will. He emphasized the word my . the sound of their laughter annoyed him and he despised their joy. He preferred their fear, their endless pleading and their reluctant submission after unfounded arrogance had been defeated. That was when he could most love them. No, not love. But something as close to love as Lucifer knew he would ever come. Perhaps the word was Let it be done. pity .

Chapter 10 Davina never looked more beautiful. Even her hair glowed in the light of the setting sun. her eyes sparkled, her cheeks flushed with a light pink. She laughed and even sang. She was feeling stronger. Riona was here too, across the room, with the young man that was soon to be her husband. Riona had been reluctant to mention him. But davina was happy. She liked blayne, he would give riona a good life and the steadiness she needed. She knew riona was dissatisfied and bored, yet what she thought would kill her would actually help in the end. Davina knew this with the intuition she possessed about many things. She would never have a child, but she would love to see riona have many babies. Davina would love them as her own, and would pass on all she knew and was told by her mother. As she closed her eyes with visions of the future, a young man watched from a corner of the room. He took in her beauty, her slight frame. He had

heard of davina - the sweet, kind and pure davina. remote except for her friendship with riona, the ice queen. The boy smiled to himself but it was a bitter angry smile. Two pure, untouchable virgins. Blayne had done well for himself. Soon riona would not be so pure. No longer so special and untouchable. He glared at the couple. He despised blayne and his easygoing ways. She

He glanced back at davina and for a moment his expression softened. seemed so peaceful and happy.

Then the voice once again spoke in his mind and he believed it to be his own thought, his own desire. Take her for a walk. her for a walk. Now Let her see the moon and the stars in the sky. Take

He rose and walked over to davina.

Chapter 11 Riona talked and laughed with blayne and the others. Suddenly she glanced over and saw a face from across the room. It looked like the face of the being from her dream. She became dizzy and the room became dark. hand clattered to the floor. Riona, what is it? She looked up at blayne, confused. Riona? She looked back at the boy across the room, but he was gone. The dream. The face. Lucifer. The name jumped into her mind with such clarity she took a breath in. The words from her dream came into her mind now. things. You will see upon your return. I can do many many The cup she was holding in her

What did this mean? Blayne had fast become a source of peace and comfort to riona. She gently took his hand and squeezed it tight. He squeezed it back and then bent over and kissed her on the head. It was becoming dark now and the festival was winding down. Bonfires were lit and people were sitting around the fire telling stories, and discussing issues. Riona wandered around as though in a daze, wishing that she could draw some comfort from this familiar scene. Where was davina?

Chapter 12 The young man walked quietly next to davina. He turned around and saw the bonfire in the distance. She heard the voices not too far. She shivered and placed her shawl firmly around her shoulders. getting colder now. She stopped as they reached the edge of the woods. now. She looked at him, and smiled weakly. It was

We should turn back

He was so tall. His face was in shadow, but as he spoke davina could see the gleam of his teeth and his eyes in the moonlight. It reminded her of something wild and dangerous. Wait. You are so pretty, he said. lightly touched her. He raised a hand to her shoulder and

Davina s intuition had been blocked. Blocked by a power she could neither see nor fight, as she did not know it even existed. She felt no fear, only a curious lethargy, as though she had drunk too much mead. He started to remove the shawl from her shoulders. No it is so cold here. Yes. So cold. Like you and riona. Now I will show you how to be warm.

She looked up at him, her eyes dazed. Then a voice came into davina s head.

What did he say?

What did he mean?

She thought it was her own.

He likes you. No other young man has paid you such attention. Let him show you what you have missed and what you might never have again. Suddenly, davina thought she heard riona calling her name in the distance. The boy turned as well, startled. She felt fear and panic. The darkness no longer safe, the boy no longer pleasant. There were unspeakable horrors in disguise here. Davina began to run. The boy grabbed davina and pulled her roughly back and into the direction of the woods.

She could not scream or fight as much as she wanted to, but she tried with all her might. She saw the moon and the stars in the sky. never looked so clear. She remembered thinking, they

Chapter 13 The peace of the night was shattered by angry shouts and pointed fingers in the direction of the woods. All could see a red glow through the trees Riona saw the fire. Was she still here? She stood frozen. Did she take sick? Davina?

She realized she was asking these questions aloud, but she did not know. Someone answered hurriedly, as he watched the woods, his face red from the glow of the bonfire. She may have gone home with her parents. Riona shook her head. No.

Blayne patted her on the arm. will be back. He ran off.

I must go and help.

Riona, stay here.

There were shouts for water from the nearby river, calls for blankets to stamp out the fire which was spreading rapidly through the dry grass and brush, dried from the hot summer. People ran to the nearby river and returned with bowls and containers of water, as many as they could grab. They all tried to find the biggest objects to carry water. Women also ran to their homes to get blankets to put out the fire. was of no use. The fire spread with a vicious beauty. But it

People returned from the woods, their faces streaked with dirt and tears. Women and children ran to their homes to retrieve their precious belongings and save what they could. Many offered sacrifices to the gods and spirits. Prayers now went up to the skies, where before there had been singing and laughing. No more singing and laughing, just the desperate pleas of a heartsick people. Please save my home. Please do not let anyone die. fields, so we can have food. Riona heard all these pleas. breathing. Where was davina? Please preserve our

She cried so hard she thought she would stop

Chapter 14 When the morning came, the scorched land was seen clearly. the ground, crops decimated. People wandered around the ruins, helpless and angry. But there was worse to come. At least for riona. Homes burned to

Davina had been found in the woods, in a small space between two trees.

Her clothes had been torn off her body in places, she had been burned by the fire, but remarkably her features remained unsinged and beautiful. It was believed that she had been assaulted and stabbed to death. Riona had wanted to see her. The others insisted she stay where she was. But she ran into the woods and fell to her knees next to davina. Now she could not be healed. Now she could not be strengthened. nothing more that riona could do. Tears from riona s eyes washed davina s face clean. s eyelids. There was

She kissed her friend

Davina, you are now in the otherworld. You are now in the beautiful place. I believe this. You have to believe this as well. Blayne knelt down next to riona. loved. He too wept for the gentle girl they both

One of the men stepped forward. I think I saw her with someone. boy from the clan across the river. Riona jumped up. This boy - what did he look like? Tall, fair, quiet. ox. A big boy, broad in the shoulders. Strong.

A young

Like an

Was he at the festival then? Yes. I saw him. He kept to himself.

What was he doing there if he does not belong to our clan? Good question. One of the other man answered, and exchanged angry looks. to this the others nodded

Riona turned back to davina and it was then that she noticed her clutched hand. Riona gently pried open davina s hand and saw the piece of tunic that had been torn. You wanted us to find this, didn t you? Riona stood. We will find this killer. You wanted us to know. We will find him.

He set the fire as well, most likely, an older gentleman spoke from the crowd. He damaged our crops, our homes - his voice trailed off.

He wanted to cover his murder, yet the fire became out of control. said calmly. I believe that is true. The others agreed with nods and murmurs. This made the most sense.

Blayne

Chapter 15 Soon war broke out between the two clans from opposite sides of the river. A contingent went to the clan of the killer. His family became enraged and refused to acknowledge any guilt, even though evidence and witnesses were presented. They ordered the others off their land. or even sympathy for the destruction. They did not offer compensation

The other men returned with weapons and so many lives were lost in the furious battle. Due to the emotional and personal nature of the dispute, it took a terrible toll on the people. Many were killed, including riona s father, and her beloved blayne. There would be no marriage, no children for them, no future for this couple. Riona mourned the loss of a father she had never known, and a boy she had come to know and love. And davina. Even the name cut her inside. She had never let her out of her sight before. horrible night? Riona dreamed shortly after this. Why that night? Why that

Chapter

16

The being was back, his face sad.

Riona wanted to tell him of the tragedies that had come upon her village. He already knew. This davina - she is now in a perfect place. paused. Is this not a cause for rejoicing? Or so you believe. Was she not sick? He

Riona s eyes flashed. She was getting better. I loved her. She was my friend. I wanted her here in my world, with me. Not the other world. Riona s voice broke and she began to weep loudly without caring. Her grief was terrible. Grief for davina, for her father, for blayne, the children they would never have, all the others. The peace shattered, everything lost, overnight. Yes. It does happen so, does it not, ariana? Why was she so angry and rude to this

My name is riona, she snapped. being? He was so kind to her.

Riona, tell your people about me. Tell them I am here. them from such horrible losses and damage.

I can help protect

If I had known of this before - If I had told them about you - would davina have been spared this fate? Would any of this have happened? She felt she had played a part in all this by refusing to do what he had asked. I could have helped, yes. He looked into her eyes and hoped she would only see what he intended for her to see, surely she could not see anything further. The humans did not seem to have this special gift. He wanted riona to feel enough despair so that she would turn to him and need him, as he wanted her to. But not too much despair, or she would become paralyzed and sick, and be useless and dead inside. He must help her keep that delicate balance. Davina is better now. She is happy. That is your people s belief. Riona nodded. She could not speak for her throat was tight from the effort of keeping her tears inside. You will see her again one day. She is a spirit now, free and safe.

His voice was caressing but the words seemed empty. someone speaking to her like this a long time ago.

Riona remembered

I know this. I believe it. But it is so hard to lose her. The way she died. She covered her face with her hands, for she wanted to have privacy when she cried. Lucifer came to her and removed the hands from her face. beautiful face. Let me see your tears. Do not hide your pain from me. She could no longer be strong. blayne. She had no one now. him embrace her. She was safe now. I will take it away. Her strength had left with davina, and with Let me see your

Lucifer held out his arms and she came to him and let

Chapter 17 Riona spoke to her people of this being in her dream. She was so sure they would accept and embrace him after the traumas they had so recently endured. Surely they could see how much they needed him? Some remained doubtful and suspicious. riona s mother begged her to stop. Druid priests were called in.

But dreams were omens, riona insisted. They carried messages and significance and signs. They were visions. The priests consulted one another over this, and came back with a warning. This dream was bad. This being was not good.

Why do you say this? Riona angrily shouted, tearing at her garments. He can help us all, he can protect us from the dangers of our world. We need him. Riona s face had become as pale and sick as davina s once was. with dark circles underneath. Her expression haunted. Her eyes

Riona slept longer and longer. She slept for days on end. She lived in this world as well as the world of her dreams now. She felt and acted lost. Disoriented. No longer the proud strong girl she once was. Soon the clan insisted that riona be purged and cleansed of her bad spirit, for they were sure this was possessing her. They wanted her isolated, possibly exiled from her people. They spoke of a curse upon their clan. of her. They avoided her and spoke harshly

Her mother wept and kept to herself, standing by her daughter. One night after a particularly bad day had passed, riona crawled onto her mat and curled up like a child. She clutched davina s blanket, the one which had covered her friend as she lay sick. Riona stroked the blanket and called upon davina. Then she slept. In her dream the lake was there, the shiny palace, the beings of infinite light. Even the whispers. Riona remembered from her walks in the woods. She expected to see the being called Lucifer. bring her joy or peace. Then instead she saw davina. and smiling. Is this the otherworld? Yes it is. The creator? Davina stepped closer to her. always loved you. I know. Riona began to weep. You must listen to me. I love you. I have We also call this heaven, paradise, the creator s kingdom. For some reason this did not

Her beloved friend, breathtakingly beautiful

She put out her hand to touch her friend.

As they embraced, riona felt peace. Davina spoke, I want you to be happy, I want you to be at peace. Do not

listen to this being in your dreams anymore. He is evil? It is a long story. Do not speak of him to the others. They will continue to turn against you. Life will be terrible for you. I do not want this. Nor do I. davina, help me! I will always be here for you. In more ways than

That is why I am here. one. Always, Davina smiled.

People are not yet ready to hear the truth. Not yet ready for all that is here. He was here - Lucifer. Yes. one. Riona said the name softly. She was ashamed. Not this

Lucifer. Only the world he showed you was an illusion. This is real.

I can feel the difference. time.

Riona smiled for the first time in a long

Rest now. You will sleep for a while. Then when you awaken you will feel strong again. There is magic and wonder in the world, riona. All around you. There is healing and spirits, but not the way our people think of them now. In a much much better way. Riona stared wide-eyed. She wanted to laugh and cry, to sing and dance and to stay here forever. These words gave her such hope, davina s presence gave her such joy, it was different than the way the being Lucifer made her feel. The hope she felt, the peace and the joy, seemed distorted, underlaced with another heavier feeling beneath the surface. The feelings he aroused were never enough to help riona live. I did heal you then? The creator did The creator. through you. He helped you to do this for me. Riona did not understand. I miss you. It hurts me - In here.

That name again.

I am so sorry for the way you died. She touched her heart.

I know. It is not your doing. It was meant to be. It will all turn out for the best, you will see. Now sleep. When you wake, take some food and talk with your mother. She is all you have left. Be good to her. Stay with your people and help them. You have so much to offer. Yes. I feel this way too. See what awaits you.

You will be a wise teacher, a valued woman.

And here? You - you will await me? Riona clung to her friend and hugged her tightly., she never wanted to let go. Now davina wept, but she was happy. Her friend would go on living better than ever, and Lucifer would no longer have an impact on her as he once did. As the dream ended and riona began to fall into the gentle oblivion of a dreamless sleep, davina began to transform. Slowly, beautifully, in a gossamer haze, her appearance shifting. Until she became another being entirely. The being - the beloved angel - known as Michael.

Chapter 18 Riona became as davina said - a wise teacher, a respected elder and a mother to all the children of the clan. She never married. Lucifer never returned in her dreams or in the whispers. In fact, the only whispers riona ever would hear again would be heard toward the end of her life. As she lay dying, peaceful yet very tired. The last whispers. Come to me. Closer. In her ear. We love you. We are waiting for you.

Come home now.

And so she went home.

Part three - MARCUS AND ROME Chapter 1 Marcus winced up at the hot dry sun. Jerusalem. Marcus had been assigned here from Rome, for the Roman authorities knew of his reputation as a brilliant leader. He would oversee many Roman soldiers sent to the remote areas of Judea and surrounding territories. Marcus hated the arid forbidding land and the strange idiosyncratic people. Hate was too strong a word for such a man, he preferred the term misunderstood . He longed for the luxurious cultured life of Rome. Here, nothing amused, nothing distracted one from life or enhanced life. Even the native tongue of the people sounded harsh and bitter. Pilate seemed pleased with his performance so far. This was all that Marcus lived for - the approval of his peers and superiors, respect and admiration, security for his family. He only wished he did not have to be here, in this wilderness. The air was heavy and thick with heat as well as danger. Violence and uprisings threatened to explode, and the words of many foreshadowed such hostility. Marcus looked up at the blue sky and had an odd feeling that even this cloudless endless blue expanse was a sign of ominous things to come, not at all the beautiful show of nature it was intended to be. The man known as Jesus Christ, King of the Jews, would be crucified today.

Chapter 2 Marcus wanted no part of this horrid assignment, a uniquely roman tradition of capital punishment. Yet here he was, again fulfilling a difficult duty. Who was this Jesus, and why did he merit such an end to his life? So he claimed to a be a god, to be the son of a god? And what of it? There were many gods, and goddesses as well. Marcus knew of them all. As a child, he had been taught of the deities, their unique powers and qualities. What was the problem if this man Jesus declared himself to be a god then? These Jews were strange obstinate people - too hard for Marcus. He shrugged. The day would be over soon enough. As they all were.

His men were out in full force today. Soldiers had been assigned to flog Jesus and participate in the crucifixion. Marcus asked that his particular men - his favorites as he called them - would be released from this duty and instead be situated in the vicinity of the crucifixion. His men were good noble men, from good families. Highly trained and schooled men. Marcus did not want them to behave like brutal thugs, nor did they wish to. There was a big crowd. Jesus would pass along this dusty stretch of road on the way to a hill where he would be killed in the roman fashion, along with 2 other men - thieves, as Marcus had heard. Marcus overlooked the road. He saw people peering down the road, straining to see. He saw people, mostly women, wringing their hands and sobbing, he saw others, mostly younger and older men, laughing and jostling for position, while some elders shook their heads in disgust - as though these others were waiting for a parade to pass by rather than a sad and lonely man s death march. Marcus would never understand these people. Jesus was coming now. He could tell because of the excitement of the crowd. They rushed forward, pushing as one creature. A band of soldiers surrounded Jesus, shoving him forward, as he struggled under the weight of an enormous cross of wood. Marcus cringed. He came even closer. The soldiers pulled a reluctant man from the crowd to assist Jesus. The other man grasped the end of the cross, and easily lifted it up to carry it with Jesus. Jesus paused for a moment, and glanced over at Marcus. His eyes. So beautiful, so sad. Marcus could not move. In those eyes he saw everything - the world, it seemed. He saw fires raging out of control in lands he did not even know, a holocaust of utter destruction, wars upon wars, crying and screaming, the dead piled on top of the dead. Marcus saw all manners of evil, such as he had never seen, even in his life as a soldier. And then he saw - utter peace. Beauty beyond description. A land of vivid light and unending radiance, colors of such diversity and shades it took his breath away - and there, a crystal palace. It glittered in a sun that seemed a million times stronger than even the merciless sun of the Jerusalem desert. Yet the sun seemed kind and there was no heat. Just pure healing light. In this palace, Marcus knew, no earthly king had ever reigned.

He shuddered. His eyes filled with tears. He felt a longing he could not explain. Then Jesus smiled. The soldiers roughly pushed him, cursing in Roman. Marcus turned and walked back to his headquarters, stumbling as though he had drunk too much wine. His men later reported back to him about the earthquake and the darkening of the sky when Jesus died. Marcus glanced away as he remembered the things he had seen in Jesus eyes. He would never forget. A few months passed, and stories of Jesus had been circulating wildly. This was still a touchy subject for many people. There were rumors of his rising from the dead. Marcus remained curious, and listened to all the stories with interest and yet discretion. He thought Jesus had declared himself a god, yet according to these stories, Jesus had been Son of the one and only God.

One fall night, a man had been brought into headquarters. Bearded, disheveled, yet Marcus could see he was still in youth, his frame lean and small, his appearance worn and gaunt. One of the soldiers said, This man has been talking nonsense about the man they crucified a while back. You know the one - Jesus. He spat on the floor. Marcus glared at him. replacements. These were not his usual men. Only temporary

The first soldier who had spoken now nudged the other. This one had coal black eyes that burned with a cold fire and wavy thick hair. Go on, tell him what this lunatic says. The other young man laughed. went up into heaven - whoosh! Tell the commander.

He says, this jesus rose from his tomb. He

And the soldier raised his arm with an accompanying loud noise as of wind, and the other soldiers standing around laughed softly as well, although they tried to hide it with their hands covering their mouths. Encouraged by their laughter, he continued even more boldly. No, now now wait. He held up his hand and glanced around at his audience. and these believers will all join him one day in this magical place. But only them, no one else can go there.

Marcus frowned. And his Father has a throne. Yes, he sits on a throne. Surrounded by winged creatures - angels, no less Gold, I assume.

Marcus flushed and turned to the young man, who remained motionless, staring at the ground. Do you speak of such things? The man looked up, his face now defiant. is Lord of all Yes I do. It is all true. Jesus

The soldiers laughed even louder and bowed to the man in mockery. raised his hand.

Marcus

Enough! Do we not have stories told of our gods and goddesses, performing fantastic deeds which to others would seem crazy if they did not believe as we do? Is this not true? Marcus voice thundered through the confines. He was a strong muscular man with broad shoulders, yet he walked and carried himself with unusual grace and dignity. Yet it was his strength that the men had to learn to respect, and his voice conveyed this now. The soldiers glanced at each other, then stopped. Marcus turned back to the young man. gently. Aaron What are we to do with you I have done nothing wrong. I only spoke the truth What is your name, son? he asked

Perhaps. Your Jesus spoke the truth, apparently, and look at what happened to him. Marcus did not say this as a threat, but only with sadness. Marcus took in the boy s shabby clothing, his worn sandals and dirty appearance, his lean frame. He indicated a large cell behind him. I wish to keep you here for a night. Then I will decide what to do with

you Aaron glanced at him quickly with the first sign of apprehension Marcus had seen. Then he remembered his Lord and his eyes softened with a strange new light. I am not afraid. Do what you will

I will do what I can for you so that you will not be harmed. I am a man of honor Marcus turned toward his men. See that this man gets food tonight. Place him in this cell. Provide blankets as well. Attend to his needs. I will be in the next room if you need me. The men stepped aside and let Marcus pass. They took Aaron and led him into the cell, a little roughly but not overly so, and then they took turns sitting up and keeping watch. They had heard that Aaron led a band of wilderness rebels, all young, foolish men, who may even now be willing to do anything to release their young leader.

Chapter 3

Marcus had a strange dream, and once again he was before the man Jesus, staring into his sad eyes. The visions were now all around him, not just captured in those eyes. Marcus woke with a start. He went into the next room and stood before the cell. Aaron was wide awake, hands clasped behind his head, staring at the ceiling. The soldiers dozed in chairs, one was somewhat awake. Aaron turned his head and saw Marcus. Marcus said softly, Yes He sat up and waited.

You knew this Jesus? I did

Aaron seemed puzzled and looked over at the guards.

The men stirred and some awoke, startled to see Marcus.

He turned and dismissed them. Go now, all of you. will remain here and keep watch They left. Marcus entered the cell with his key.

Get some real sleep. I

What was he like?

Wonderful. Aaron s face lit up with the memory. Wise, kind, gentle, discerning, yet beyond earthly wisdom. He had powers. Aaron outstretched his hands in a sign of amazement. he performed miracles and wonders, healed the sick, raised the dead. Marcus hesitated. And you are sure they were dead? yes, I am sure. Aaron grinned for the first

Oh yes. Believe me, sir. time. Marcus did as well.

A terrible way to die, your jesus glanced up. I saw him. Aaron stared.

Marcus bowed his head, and then

On the way to the hill to be crucified. eyes were - I saw things. Many things. Aaron touched his arm. this to anyone.

He stopped and looked at me. His

Do not be afraid to tell me.

I will not reveal

Marcus looked at him. You will not die. You will be released today. You will continue your reports as you wish. I know this is important for you. It is my life Marcus placed a hand on his shoulder. You are good, Aaron. Be careful

Whatever happens, it is God s will for me We are masters of our own fate, are we not? Aaron shook his head. The father controls all. He created all. abide in His will - this above all - this is what Jesus taught. This is truly a difficult teaching for mere mortals. No, in fact, it saves them Aaron hesitated, then blurted out, Your gods, We must

sir, what have they done? Marcus turned. PLease - call me Marcus. He did not know why he had said this, but something in the man s voice made familiarity seem necessary. Have they raised the dead, cured the sick, opened the eyes of the blind? They perform miracles as well. how? Have you seen them? Aaron pressed on gently.

I have heard many stories Myths. Legends.

People say that Jesus is a legend as well, and only that But he saved the sick and dying right before our eyes. We saw him do these things and many many more.. It is real. He is real. As real as you and I here together. Marcus said softly, I must leave now. I have a position I must uphold. Then he

Marcus failed to grasp the double meaning of his words at first. realized what he had said, and he glanced away. Aaron nodded. You will remember. You will never forget

Marcus went into the next room and Aaron soon fell fast asleep. The next morning he was released. peace be with you always, Marcus And you as well Marcus stood before him.

Chapter 4 Marcus hoped the young man would not be killed. He shortly returned to Rome, and his wife and children - 2 daughters and a son, the youngest.

He often found himself thinking of Aaron - and Jesus. The next two years were idyllic for Marcus and his family. His father had died a noble death in battle when Marcus was a young child, and he wanted to spare his family a similar pain. He took time off from his official duties and enjoyed his family s company. He watched his younger son play in the garden along the lake. Flowers blossomed everywhere, colors bursting all around. His son was a beautiful child. Long brown hair with highlights glinting in the sunlight. Hazel eyes. Porcelain skin. He resembled his mother in many ways, although he had Marcus coloring of hair and eyes. He was a sweet child and very bright. Marcus hoped to mold and teach him well, not just about war but about life and love and the meaning of it all. His younger daughter stepped into the garden. Her black hair hung all around, fastened and adorned with jeweled clips. She was as beautiful as a goddess, some said. Marcus smiled. Her neck was long and sloped and slender, and her head always slightly bent as though she were in deep thought or listening to something. Her eyes were an azure blue and her skin slightly bronzed, with warm color on the cheeks. She was a romantic girl, always dreaming of a love that would take her away. Marcus frowned. He believed he knew the man who had inspired such longings, and who would eventually sweep her off her feet. He was indeed a handsome young man. Not typical of most Romans in appearance - blonde and fair - Marcus discovered that his parents had come from a mix of Nordic and Roman people, as Romans often intermingled with their conquered people and vice versa. Yes. He had been beautiful. A child. One could see the quick temper in his eyes, the raging fire. Yet he was an astute and remarkable person, eager to learn, eager to carry out difficult assignments. Impeccable in every way. Yet something made Marcus uneasy. The way he looked at Marcus daughter, and she at him depressed him. For in his glance, Marcus saw only desire, lust, anger and a potential to inflict untold pain. In his sweet daughter s eyes, he saw only vulnerable idealized love. She was dreaming now of this same young man, even as Marcus sat across the garden, thinking of him as well and watching his daughter. He disturbed her. His curly blonde hair seemed familiar and lovely to her. Belonging to another time, another man, long ago. Yet there had been no

other time or man for her. She flushed. She was far too fanciful and nave, she knew, an object of affectionate scorn and condescension. He would bring her out of her dream world, for he was worldly in a good way. Yet the butterflies her young brother chased all around the garden seemed to enter into her stomach and cause her flutters of unnamed anxiety. She glanced over at her father. He smiled and waved. She waved back. She would never do anything to hurt or disgrace him. She was a good girl and a good daughter.

Chapter 5 Aaron had endured many beatings, floggings and incidents of stonings in two years time. He had almost died, but managed to somehow always escape with his life. He followed some disciples of Paul to Rome and began some missionary work there. Aaron had tidied his appearance and altered his speaking style. He had been wisely instructed by a senior follower of Christ, You must strive to talk intelligibly, not like a wild man. You must appear clean and presentable so as not to scare the non-believers away. For if you look and talk like a crazy, chaotic person, others will think your religion is likewise crazy and chaotic, and will denounce Jesus as a leader of fools and madmen. Aaron took this advice to heart. He shaved his beard, cut his hair, and took care of his body. He ate more often. He remembered what Jesus had taught - that no food is unclean, and abstaining from food does not make one holy Aaron had tried so hard to be perfect, as his Lord was perfect. Now he must give up the fight for it was using all his precious energy. He would save this energy for helping others to see the Lord s perfection instead. He adjusted his meager bag of possessions on his shoulder and walked into the square. There was much corruption and decadence in Rome. It would be difficult to teach here. Pretty boys and slave girls, rich abundant food and drink, public baths, all kinds of sensory pleasures, everywhere one looked.

Aaron suddenly stopped. He saw a young soldier all by himself in the center of the square. It seemed strange, as though time had stood still and no one was there except this soldier, under a gray overcast sky. The buildings had taken on a strange glow, and Aaron blinked hard to dispel the misty light. Curly blonde hair, striking appearance, tall and slender yet he seemed strong. He glanced over at Aaron. An old dog limped by. The blonde man made sure no one was looking but Aaron, as it was nearing dusk and then he suddenly reached out and kicked the dog hard. The dog yelped and fell back, then staggered up and hurried off as best it could, looking back with a mournful bewildered and resentful expression in its eyes. Aaron knew how the poor animal felt. He had been that dog. He had known such men and had looked back at them with the same expression in his heart, if not in his eyes. He stared back at the man. The blonde man shrugged and ran a hand through his curly hair, an almost feminine gesture in its vanity. He then gave a beautiful and stunning smile, which made Aaron sincerely wish that none of this had ever taken place. Such beauty, grace and charm should not co-exist with an action of random cruelty. Aaron loved animals - he loved all helpless beings. man loved only himself. He suspected that this

Chapter 6 Marcus heard of Aaron s entry into Rome. He heard it from Flavius, who described his encounter with the young man at the square, omitting the part about the dog. Marcus found it disturbing that Flavius would mention Aaron, for he knew nothing of Marcus time in Jerusalem, at least not the part about Aaron. Of this he was sure. When Flavius mentioned Aaron, his eyes gleamed and he stared at Marcus over his wine cup, as he savored the drink slowly. Aurelia stepped forward. She had on a diaphanous white robe, which flowed over her body and was tied with a gold sash.

Father, who is this man? I do not know. Judea. I believe he may be one of the followers of Jesus from

You were stationed there a while back Yes Marcus stared at Flavius as he drank. the wine cup. He is one of those fanatics. Perhaps Marcus shrugged. Do you think what they say Their eyes met and Flavius put down

I have heard they are all fanatics.

Aurelia turned to Flavius, her eyes glowing. is true?

Marcus answered, Child, put this far out of your thoughts now. We need to dwell on our own affairs, not the religious beliefs of a small band of people Growing stronger by the day, I hear. Flavius said.

You hear too much, Flavius. Perhaps you should seal your ears on occasion. This may do you much good. Instantly Marcus regretted his words, for his daughter had a pained expression on her face and Flavius had passed him a look of intense hatred. He then laughed a pleasant laugh. Perhaps you are right, Marcus. very wise. I must pay closer attention to you. And I to you, Marcus thought. Suddenly Flavius reached out to Aurelia and grabbed her arm. He whispered, Let us go for a walk. Look! He pointed to the portico. It is a beautiful day. Now? She fingered her gold necklace with a medallion of the emperor s likeness. Yes, now, why not? We will be back soon. You are

I will tell him then.

Flavius said, I will wait outside for you then. gave a slight nod. Then he left. Marcus glanced at his daughter.

He looked at Marcus and

Father, I am going for a walk with Flavius, if it is alright with you. Of course. Go. Be sure and carry something to put on your shoulders in case the air becomes colder. Yes, I will get something now. She reached up to kiss her father s cheek, for he was very tall. He watched her leave and saw the two of them in the hallway, Flavius had his arm protectively around her. Why then did Marcus feel as though she were the most unprotected when he was around? They strolled through the square, greeting friends - Flavius had many friends. He was extremely popular and this made Aurelia proud, for she was a shy girl. He touched her hair and kissed it. She giggled. Let us go to the marketplace and see what may be going on. She nodded. When they arrived, the area was busy with many people, shopping, checking out fruits and vegetables. There were people standing around holding court as they gave speeches of one kind or another to a small yet enraptured group of listeners. It was there that Aurelia saw Aaron. She did not know it was the man that Flavius had mentioned to her father. But she stopped nonetheless and listened, as he held a group of people spellbound. Flavius watched her face. He let her go over to him and join the crowd. Your hair smells very nice.

She heard him speak of Jesus, and the things he had done. She heard him talk of repentance and salvation and a new life in a new world. Of abandoning the flesh and living for the soul. She turned to Flavius, her cheeks flushed, but he was nowhere to be found. Was this acceptable to speak of such things in a public place? She realized she was worried for this man, not herself.

Flavius returned with some apples for her. speaks of Jesus. She pointed to Aaron. Flavius smiled. Yes, I know.

She refused them politely.

He

That is all he speaks of, it seems.

Is such talk safe here? She turned to Flavius, her eyes dark. He shrugged. I m sure we will soon find out.

He pointed to some approaching soldiers. They came over, separated the crowd and roughly grabbed Aaron, one on either side. As they did so, he looked over at her. He saw her beautiful kind face and his heart melted. Then he saw Flavius standing next to her. The man that he had seen that first day in the square, who had struck him with such a vivid impression. Flavius took her arm possessively and led her away. No, Flavius. We must tell my father. What are they going to do to him? His voice

He stopped abruptly and faced her. Why are you so concerned? was soft but controlled with much effort. Will he die for this? Ask your father if you are so worried. Come.

Let us go back to the house. They reached her father

They left, Flavius walking much too fast for her. s house. Aurelia rushed in. He ran out, startled. What is it? Father

This man - the one from Jerusalem - that Flavius saw - he was taken away by two soldiers just now. I heard him speaking. I was listening to him! Father, it was wonderful. He spoke so beautifully. She was breathless. Her father came over to her. He glared at Flavius.

And where were you when all this was going on?

I only left her side for a few minutes to get some apples Then the soldiers came as soon as Flavius returned with the apples. Aurelia put a hand to her head. I have never seen anyone taken away like that. It was not bad, they did not hurt him, but it was still disturbing. Father she glanced up - can you check into this? Make sure he is alright? Marcus knelt down beside her as she sat on the couch. Child, do not upset yourself. You do not know this man. Why are you getting so upset? I am not sure. What he spoke of - I am not sure. Flavius apologetically. He merely continued smiling. Can you do something, Father? Of course. harmed. she repeated. She looked up at

I will go myself to inquire about this and see that he is not

He grabbed his outer tunic and kissed his daughter on the cheek. be back. Now rest. Flavius will stay with you until I return. He shot Flavius an uncertain look and then walked out.

I will

Chapter 7 Marcus arranged for a meeting with Aaron at the cell he had been kept in. He walked into the cold damp dimly lit cell and stepped forward as Aaron smiled feebly. Peace, Marcus, he finally said. Peace, Aaron. Marcus put a hand on either shoulder and smiled warmly.

I do not want to cause you any trouble Here I am a man of influence, Aaron. security. Do not worry about this. Still, you must be careful, Marcus I enjoy some measure of power and

Yes. Public and political opinion is not favorable for you and your kind. Your beliefs are not welcome here, at least not by most. Aaron nodded. well, Marcus Then he took in his friend s entire appearance. You look

Marcus smiled and shrugged. Roman food is very good. Yes. Too good. Marcus patted his stomach. have gained some weight. I am eating again Good. Marcus turned serious. The flesh is not the enemy, Aaron. desires and needs are not always evil. No. But they can be obstacles spiritually. Our And I see that you yourself

Marcus sighed. Let us get together at my house in the town. We can have dinner, my daughter will be there as well, and my wife and son. You are welcome. What about -? Marcus held up his hand. You are my guest, from out of town, an old friend I once knew in Jerusalem, who did me a great favor and helped stop an impending uprising (riot). I therefore owe you this kindness. Marcus winked. Aaron nodded. esteem. You are good. I can see why you are held in such high

Marcus smiled. I will see to your immediate release. back for you. You will meet my family. Aaron grabbed his arm as Marcus was leaving.

Then I will come

Thank you for this.

Marcus felt tears in his eyes. He felt closer to this young man from another culture, another time, than he could ever feel for his future sonin-law who was the more likely candidate for affection.

Chapter 8 Aaron arrived the next night, accompanied by Marcus. They walked in with a flurry, talking as though they were old friends and laughing easily. The cold air came in with them and filled the hall. Aaron glanced in wonder all around the room, taking in everything with a dazed smile on his face. The candles blazing everywhere, the goblets set on a tray, the fruit and cheeses in the center of the table, a woman servant bustling around, preparing everything just so. He had never seen such opulence. In the town he called home since he was a child, surroundings were plain and austere. Life was hard and people grim. Aurelia stepped in from the doors which led to the garden, her cheeks flushed and cold from the night air, her black hair bejeweled and shining, a gossamer robe trimmed with gold gently flowing on her body. She hugged herself and shivered, then saw Aaron and her father. I- I did not hear you come in. Her smile faltered for an instant, then blazed as brightly as the candles in the room. She stepped forward and held out her arm. I am Aurelia.

Aaron took her arm shyly and she led him to a reclining couch of soft pillows where they would sit before eating. Aaron sat next to Marcus and Aurelia motioned for the servant to bring some wine. She nodded and smiled, for Aurelia was a pleasant sweet girl who was always kind to her. My mother will be here shortly, I am sure. She is in her room, putting the final touches on her beauty. Aurelia smiled and Aaron flushed. He could see that Aurelia needed no such touches, and he longed to say this, but he dared not. He glanced over at Marcus, who merely smiled and shook his head. Aurelia was unusually talkative tonight and forward not at all the way she was when company arrived. Had she drunk some wine before their arrival? Marcus gave her a curious glance. She seemed sober enough. Yet radiant. When the table was set, Camilla swept into the room. As always, a grand elegant entrance, her brown hair high upon her head and framed with a jeweled band. She was lovely - sharp cheekbones and features, yet a beautiful smile and large liquid brown eyes. Her feminine cool hardness a fascinating contrast to her daughter s soft warm appeal.

I am Camilla - she smiled and placed a hand on Aaron s arm. you knew my husband from his service in Jerusalem? Yes. Aaron looked at Marcus.

I understand

He was very kind to me then as he is now.

Camilla glanced with love at her husband. He is a wonderful man and a good friend. She turned back to Aaron. Our young son will be here soon to meet you, then we must send him off to his room. He needs his sleep. Of course. As though on cue, Marius came bounding into the room breathlessly, his curly brown hair like his mother s, but his face round not sharp like hers. He bowed slightly and said with a loud laugh, I am Marius. Yes. Seven. Aaron stood up. How old are you? That is what my mother told me. Are you Aaron?

I have to go to bed soon.

Aaron grinned.

I m sorry I will miss your company, then.

Marius shrugged. He ran over to his father and hugged him and then hugged his mother and sister. He grabbed a piece of fruit from the table and waved. I have to go now. And he ran off. Like a whirlwind. Or a hurricane. Marcus grinned. the room as well as my life. But no, he is a good boy. He brightens

As they settled down to their meal, first sampling the fruits and cheeses and wines, and then being served more substantial dishes, they talked of many things. Mostly about their respective lives and homes, their cultures. Aaron was at turns reserved, passionate, gentle and kind. daughter glancing at Aaron with something like adoration. glanced away and offered Aaron more wine. He caught his He quickly

Marcus knew the Roman tradition of segregating the women from the men. He was not a traditionalist by any means. Only in his pursuit of security for his family. He allowed his beloved wife and daughter access to all his dealings and his company, and tonight was no exception. Suddenly, Aurelia burst out, Aaron - tell me about Jesus.

Aaron looked up startled and then at Marcus. I don t think this is a good thing for us to talk about now. We are here to enjoy ourselves, not talk about serious potentially divisive things. But this is the perfect time and place. Aurelia leaned forward. Don t you see? I heard you talking in the square. She hesitated and her voice grew softer. You will be safe here, with us. Tell us please. They all looked at Marcus and Marcus nodded. Jesus was the son of God. created us all. We believe there is only one God, Yawheh, and he

There was silence. Camilla shifted in her seat and coughed slightly. fingered her gown. Aurelia turned to her father her face serious. Father, do you believe this may be true?

She

I do not know. I only know what I have grown up believing - what we all grew up believing. What we were taught. Camilla looked at her husband with open admiration, and she smiled to herself. Aaron too looked upon Marcus with more than just respect. Here was a man who was golden because of his mind and his heart, not just his prosperity. He spoke up, his voice gentle. Your father must be the one to tell you these things. What he experienced in Jerusalem, what he saw and how he feels. They waited. Finally Marcus spoke.

I saw this Jesus. As he was being led to his death. I saw - visions in his eyes as he stared into mine. Many things. The visions were dark and dismal, they seemed to be of a future time. And then I saw - another vision. A beautiful world, such as I had never seen. He sighed and glanced away at a spot on the wall. This Jesus - he seemed to be a very special - man. His spirit. Amazing. More than that, I cannot say. They all ate, drank and talked as old loving friends. Aaron laughed for the first time in a long time, his serious nature lightened by their presence. At the end of the evening, Marcus, Aurelia and Aaron stepped out into the garden for a few moments. Camilla had gone to check on her son.

As they stood looking out at the moonlight and the stars, Aurelia slipped her hand into Aaron s. He He glanced at her startled and his face flushed. She smiled shyly and put her head on her father s shoulder, as she held onto Aaron s hand, forever locking them together in her heart. Images of Jesus and holy noble things filled her mind now, somehow mixed up with Aaron s soulful brown eyes, so serious and yet so kind.

Chapter 9 Flavius needed a martyr. He needed someone to suffer. Who better than one of these Christian fanatics? He would rise higher in the ranks of the powerful if he could somehow prove one of these ranting righteous was a viable threat to Rome How could he do this? Flavius always needed a goal, something to work towards. He had sought to get into a powerful, respected family. He had set his sights on the beautiful sheltered virgin Aurelia. He had captured her heart and won her love. He frowned. Her father was another story.

A plan began to form in his mind. Starting out so simple, so innocent really, like the stitching on a fabric, taking shape, gaining speed and complexity, until the threads suddenly came together in a stunning embroidery. A masterpiece. And it all began with just one tiny thread. Flavius saw it all, in its entirety, the plan he had unexpectedly woven from his fierce, devious mind. It amazed even him. He didn t know whether to laugh or to cry.

Chapter 10 Aurelia talked of nothing but Jesus, and indirectly, Aaron. Her father warned her pointedly not to mention such things outside the home, for the followers of Christ were still a troublesome sore spot for Rome. She spoke once of this to Flavius, he seemed amused and vaguely bored, as though he did not listen. Yet his eyes glittered like a wild excited animal, and his smile seemed cold and angry. Flavius felt her pulling away from him, emotionally rather than physically. Physical he could have dealt with. He was extremely sensitive to such threats. He responded by impressing himself upon her even more, overwhelming her with attention and affection. When that didn t work, Flavius backed off, becoming cold and distant, denying her what he considered his treats for good behavior. Aurelia did not seem to notice or care. He knew someone else was filling her mind. He had known from the beginning, in the square. The threat to him was a palpable feeling, it was a shiver on his skin that made him shake.

Chapter 11 The sun was brilliant in the cold blue sky the day that Flavius walked into the headquarters to sit and talk with the most powerful men in Rome. Their wedding had been planned for weeks, it would be an elaborate yet tasteful event. Aurelia was nervous, silent, edgy. Flavius was hyper and talkative. Pulling her close as though she would float away and he would lose her forever. His smile uncertain and harsh. Flavius had asked these men to delay their investigation until the wedding had taken place. They must never let on that Flavius had been involved.

Marcus had powerful enemies who resented his goodness and his forthright manner and they were only too eager to spring a ready trap. The trap was sprung much too soon. The marketplace was bustling with soldiers. Aaron would have to be careful. Although Marcus would afford some protection, Aaron knew that the Romans were fiercely entrenched in condemning and destroying Christianity. Perhaps in the future that would change, maybe in a future without Aaron, but for now this was his reality. He would not put Marcus and his family at risk. Aaron suddenly thought of Aurelia. The bronzed gleaming skin, the black perfumed hair, her eyes radiant and looking up at him with such devotion. He could never forget her face. Yet he turned away as though to escape her image in his mind. She was so beautiful, so sweet and innocent. This Flavius she loved, this man - surely he was a brave soldier, a handsome respected young nobleman, but - Aaron s face twisted in dismay and he threw his roll of bread to the ground. Some birds swooped down and tore the bread apart, then carried the pieces away. Aaron heard a whisper in his left ear. So low he could barely discern it. You will pay He jumped and looked around. The voice had been soft and seductive, at odds with the implied threat of the words whispered. Two young soldiers leaned against a nearby wall, watching Aaron carefully. He saw them, nodded politely, and turned away. He did not glance behind so he could not see that they followed him discreetly in the shadows.

Marcus stood before the tribunal, proud yet silent. The peace on his face concealed the turmoil in his heart. Images of his beloved daughter, son and wife battered his mind like the attacks of a raging wounded animal. He blinked back tears and held his head even higher as leader of the council began speaking.

Marcus, we have had some inflammatory charges against you brought to our attention. Aaron stood on the right side of Marcus. Their eyes did not meet. This man - this Jew - another elder stretched out the word Jew with barely concealed contempt - has been spreading revolutionary ideas against our country. He has been denouncing our people, our culture, our beliefs, and our morality, or lack of such, as he says. Marcus opened his mouth to answer but the elder held up his hand. Let me finish, please. Marcus squared his shoulders in preparation of what was to come. You have consorted with this - this young man. Marcus interrupted, his voice strained and hoarse from absence of speaking. He had been held in solitary for a few days, with very few opportunities to converse. How exactly have I consorted with this young man? You have been seen with him. He has been to your home.

Marcus searched the council for the one person his mind screamed against. Where was he? He calmly faced the elders. Well? Have you not had this man in your home? Has he not drunk your wine, ate your food, conversed with you and your family? Marcus face grew hot at the mention of his family. His lips became a thin line. Suddenly a shape moved in the corner of his vision. There. His blonde hair gleaming in the bright morning sunlight from the open atrium. His future son in law. Soon to be. Still? Even now? Marcus gave a grim smile and a slight nod. My son, he thought, you may have just ruined your own chances of ever marrying my beautiful sweet daughter. Was it worth it? As though he read his mind, Flavius smiled an unnerving smile and nodded in return. Then he took a seat. He had not been on council today. Marcus

knew why. Aaron saw Flavius as well and looked at him, his eyes sad. Then Marcus and he caught each other s gaze. Marcus longed to hold the young man, to put a hand on his shoulder, to tell him it will be alright, I will take care of all. Aaron turned away. The council leader was speaking. In your home? Marcus - an important respected man such as yourself? You know how these Christians feel, you know very well the damage they can cause. They seek our destruction, they plot our annihilation. A bit dramatic, don t you think? Surely not all feel this way. Another council member chided gently.

No! The leader pounded the table. This is a fact. They have spoken of nothing else since their Jesus died. And now our very own - associating with such a man? The others murmured among themselves. restless. Marcus voice rang out, now strong. The crowd became excited and

Who tells you these things?

They all turned as one to look at him. Who has made these accusations? Marcus repeated.

The elder held up a paper with writing on it. Apparently it was a highly employed servant of your very own household. Marcus shot a glance at Flavius, who turned away. A servant of yours. Long standing and invaluable to the running of your household affairs. Employed by your wife for many years. The elder sat back. Come now, don t look so surprised, Marcus. We all know that even the most devoted of people can talk against us, when it is in their best interest to do so. Yes. They can talk. And still say nothing! Marcus spat out.

He continued, growing angrier, I have been a friend to this young man,

nothing more. I have shown him kindness and hospitality when he came to my country. That is all! I seek not the ruination of my government, nor do I seek the ruination of my own people. I have done well by both. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool. The council leader s eyes flickered as he glanced up at Marcus. Then he looked down and picked up several more papers. He paused, then held them up. His hands shook. He sighed.

Do you know what these are, Marcus? No. They are letters, in your own handwriting, supporting this man s ideals, activities and faith, and condemning Rome. Marcus rushed forward but was stopped by two burly soldiers who pushed him back. The crowd erupted as well, and other soldiers were called to keep them seated and quiet. Let me see those. Marcus heart pounded furiously for the first time. now felt fear and confusion. Letters to whom? Aaron seemed agitated as well and stepped forward, lifting his hands in a plea. Letters to whom, I repeat? Marcus heard intermittent yelling and cries of anger from the crowd behind him, as well as calls for silence. Letters to a band of Christians in Jerusalem. I know NO such people. I do not write to anyone there. He

You are saying these letters are lies, then? I am saying I DID NOT, I COULD NOT, have written them. Then who did, Marcus? The elder s voice thundered out. He slapped the table again with the palm of his hand. This is your handwriting, there is no doubt. We have compared it to other documents written by you.

He glanced briefly at the papers, almost with a dislike, and then he glanced at Marcus. His eyes were sad and tired. What do you have to say? Marcus composed himself. regal posture. He stepped forward once again, and assumed a

Gentlemen, you have known me for many years. You know my character, my reputation, my family. I have served our country well. I love my country. I cherish my people. I am proud to be a Roman citizen. He glanced over at Aaron. This young man is good. He needed a friend and I gave him what I could. His beliefs are not mine. Yet I respect him. He has never shown any of this alleged hostility towards our people. He has spoken with intelligence and passion, but never hatred. And the letters? Clearly someone made them up to implicate me. Who would do that? A servant?

There were some snickers in the room. Why? Does the help seek to take over your household and all its possessions? What do they hope to gain, Marcus? His voice softened. you shown any ill-treatment? No. Marcus seemed distracted.

Have

I have treated all with the utmost respect.

Then how do you explain this? Marcus looked over at Flavius. He saw his daughter s face flashing in his mind. Her sweet face, her trusting smile. I cannot let this man do this to me. He saw the corruption behind the beautiful face of Flavius, he saw the grinning skull under the mask. I have enemies. He turned to look at the council. A man cannot help but acquire adversaries over the years, especially if he is honest. And who would these enemies be? I would like to speeak in private if I may. You may. This meeting is ended.

All members stood and the crowd stood as well, slowly dispersing. Some stopped to glare at Marcus and Aaron, some even spat on the ground. Others approached with feeble murmurs of support. His family had not come. for them to see this. It was as Marcus wished it. He could not bear

Marcus could not even see Aaron, or offer a word of comfort. taken away.

He had been

Flavius watched with sharp curiosity. He watched Marcus being led to private chambers. He had hurriedly asked to be there as well. Marcus did not know. The members were sitting at a long table, Marcus in the middle seat on the left side. He then noticed Flavius come in and take a seat right next to him, that had been kept empty. He shifted uncomfortably Flavius had requested this specific seat. The elders noticed his discomfort and assumed it was due to the extreme stress of the situation. Goblets of wine were passed around for all to enjoy, and soon a tray of fruit was placed in the center of the table by a young servant girl. Flavius caught the girl s eyes. He smiled and patted her arm as she brushed past. She blushed and nervously moved on. Marcus was thirsty and drank his wine quickly. Now, let us speak. The leader leaned forward, more kindly disposed towards Marcus without the attention of the audience. What do you have to say about these letters? Do you believe your enemies did this to discredit you? Yes. Yes I do. around. Marcus felt warm. His forehead perspired. He looked

Flavius face swam before him, placid, unearthly beauty, as always. in its perfection. He grabbed Marcus arm. Are you alright?

Cold

Marcus withdrew his arm from the touch, as though his arm had been kissed

by a venomous snake. He looked into the young man s green eyes, the eyes which had seduced his daughter, the eyes which viewed the world with veiled unreadable perceptions, the eyes which now calmly watched Marcus suffer. Are you feeling ill? One man stood up anxiously.

Marcus looked around at all of them, and raised his hand, then he fell forward on the table, breathing his last. The crowd of elders leaned over him, touching him, calling his name. A commotion ensued. One man called for a physician, but another checked Marcus and said quietly, There is no need. He is gone. Gone? How? Another elder asked.

Flavius had gone over to the window, having been pushed aside by the crowd of men during the commotion. He now looked outside, biting his lip. He then placed his face in his hands. Some who saw him swore it was grief. If Flavius could have opened the recesses of his soul, he would have shown them the truth. He had merely felt the beginning of relief - relief that one phase had passed as he had wished it to, and a desire to keep control of all other phases to come.

Chapter 12 The following day, Aaron met his death in execution. Praying desperately to God for the man he called his friend. A kind dignified soul, so unlike his Savior in lifestyle and beliefs, but still possessing the same quiet strength that Aaron had so loved in Jesus. He had requested a meeting with Aurelia, but this was denied. So he composed a letter to her before his execution, pouring out his feelings, which had always been so difficult to do. He hoped she would get his letter after he died.

The passing of Marcus was considered a heart attack and nothing more. to the unrelenting stress he had been under.

Due

Flavius made sure that the servant girl who had passed out the wine was long gone. He had slept with the girl and bought her trinkets, then he had told her what to slip into Marcus cup - a poison that could not be detected. Even if by some unlucky chance the truth were to be revealed, the girl would be blamed. Flavius would make sure that he would tie her in with the servant who had accused Marcus. A conspiracy of slaves against their masters. Flavius smirked. Supposedly enacting justice but actually seeking revenge for the condition of their paltry lives. Of course, the wedding had to be delayed. He had hoped he could be married first, but unfortunately the accusations against Marcus had been rushed. Nonetheless, it was a small price to pay. Flavius was sure he would marry Aurelia sooner or later. After all, without her father to be her unending support, she would be forced to rely on him. Aurelia had been waiting for news about her father and Aaron all day. He could not look at her right away. She waited so eagerly, her eyes bright with unreal hope, a little smile on her lips. He is gone? My father is gone? She whispered. How?

She had started to sink as her knees buckled. Flavius pulled her up effortlessly and held her tight, feeling emotion for the first time in many days. And Aaron? Is he gone too?

He nodded and whispered yes, but his heart closed again, no longer feeling anything. Just a quiet rage. Aurelia refused to eat or sleep for 3 days. The mother was the strong one now, it was she who kept the family together. A dignified bold beautiful goddess , refusing to break down, refusing to cry. She made sure dinners were prepared on time, everyone was dressed and looking good, life went on. Aurelia mended slowly. She began to take walks in the garden.

She had one night done up her hair with jewels and put on perfumed oil and an elaborate gown. Flavius had been so pleased. This was a good sign.

She drank too much wine though. That was all that upset him. Other than that, she was charming in her quiet sweet way. Aurelia did not tell anyone of her dreams. She could not tell Flavius how he would appear to her as someone entirely different, his face hiding another face. His eyes hiding other eyes. Strangely sinister, yet beautiful. Aaron s face had been in her dreams too, only he too was altered, suffused with a glow, like nothing she had ever seen. She cried in her sleep. Her father would come to her as well. He had no peace. presence unchanged, yet haggard and lost. Once he held a bloody knife in his outstretched hands. He said, I removed it from my back upon my death. Then he disappeared. Aurelia began to watch Flavius, staring at him, but not seeing him at all. He seemed so happy, so polite, so wonderful. Why did she shudder when he walked by? Once he had said, Your father was a great man. She looked up at him, her head snapping back as though he had slapped her. Do you really think so? Flavius seemed confused. Do you? Do you think so? Yes, yes of course I do. No peace. His

He answered,

He watched her rise and leave the room, closing the bedroom door behind her. The trees were so beautiful. The flowers in bloom. Birds singing. sun unbelievably bright and almost heartbreaking in its radiance. She touched her cheeks. She looked around at her mother, her little brother. How she adored them. She would not think of that now. It would hurt too much. The

She glanced out the window. She loved to look out somehow from the safety of home everything looked wonderful. Even a thunderstorm or falling snow didn t threaten, only enchanted. She rose from her seat by the window. Flavius got up as well. I d like to go for a walk.

I ll come with you.

No. She spoke harshly. Then she smiled. I ll be fine. Just through the garden, that is all. It s such a wonderful day. She forced a gaiety in her voice and hugged herself like a little girl. Inside she felt a vast wasteland. Well, then, take your shawl. Flavius looked around for it, frowning.

I am fine. She came over and patted his face and gave him a little kiss. His eyes were dark and worried. She kissed her mother and brother. so. Then she went for her walk. A little bird watched her. It flew from branch to branch, from tree to tree in anticipation of her every move. She was fascinated by this. She reached the edge of the lake. The sun was blazing above the lake, pulsing from inside. Pulsing like a heart made of pure light. It was her heart. sun. She she She her It was her father s heart. Aaron s heart. All in the And even the servants. They loved her

held out her arms towards the sun, trying to hold something she knew could never reach. The bird flew out of the tree, chirping loudly. turned to look at him. Then she gave him a little wave and picked up gown until it was above her ankles.

She waded out into the lake. The water felt cool. The sun seemed to become bigger and closer as she waded deeper into the lake. She stopped in her hurry to reach this pulsing light that seemed to contain all that she ever knew and ever loved. All that she had lost. Aurelia was tired. watery Her eyes closed. And the lake folded around her like a

Blanket. When flavius heard the news he collapsed for the first time in his life. Still, he rose in the ranks, becoming the succes he had always wanted to be. And Aurelia? He put her out of his mind, refusing to think of her again, there would be other young women, other chances. But he knew no one could ever replace the dark haired gentle woman with the eyes of a child who had given him her heart so completely. Besides, there would be other times, other lives to live, and she - she would always be there. Elusive, for sure, only captured for a moment in his hands. But that moment would have to be enough. Flavius moved on. The archangel Michael vowed to hide away forever in his beloved Heaven with his Master. So did Ariana. They remained exhausted and depressed, disillusioned with mankind. This last life together had so saddened them they felt they could never return. The Master understood. He also knew that much needed while there was yet time. He would allow them to rest could. If they decided never to return to Earth, the respect their wishes. For they were his children, and exceedingly. Finally, the day had arrived. They would return. Ariana knew she would go on. So did her beloved Michael. They were ready. to be done on Earth for as long as they Creator would He loved them

All memory had now been erased.

Kept alive deep in the soul.

part 4 - LUCY AND ELIJAH IN SLAVERY

Chapter 1 The young woman lay screaming on the bloody mat, forcing the child out of her body. She clutched the blanket, pulling it up with all her strength, her knees bent high up. She wailed in pain like an animal, her brown skin covered in sweat, her dark eyes full of fear. Help me, please, she gasped, get this baby out of me!

It ll come, child.

It ll come.

Finally a shrill cry, thin and shaky, filling the room, and now, the young woman s heart. She smiled nervously, then began to laugh, the sound as shaky as the baby s cry. It s A boy. The older woman with the rag around her head and the twinkle in her eyes, grinned as she glanced up from severing the cord and wiping and wrapping the baby. A fine boy, a beautiful, boy, I must say. Give him to me - the young woman held out her arms. You sure you re alright, child? Yes! Oh yes, please! Let me hold him now.

Alright. The older woman shot her a doubtful worried look, remembering the fierce unearthly curses she had unleashed before giving birth, and he extraordinary rage she had shown at the baby s impending existence. She placed him in the mother s arms. His eyes were a little open, and he turned in the direction of his mother s cooing voice. What shall I call you, honey? What s your name?

I m sure you ll think of something. Priss winked and nodded. He sure is a sweetpie. Now get some rest. Don t go tiring yourself out. I ll be here if you need me. Just call. She turned near the door. good. When you get stronger, I ll get you washed up

The young woman nodded. She wanted the woman to leave so she could focus on her child. The one thing that was really, truly hers.

Chapter 2

Priss was a friend of Lucy s mother. Her mother Sally had been a gentle, patient woman who used to hum and sing all day long. She had never been in

a hurry, everything done with such an easy calm, as though she knew a special secret that kept her at peace. She died one day after catching a cold. The cold turned into a feverish cough which would not end. And then, Sally died. Lucy s father had been gone long before, run away because he could not take what was happening to him. He promised he would be back. No one knew what happened to him. Lucy doubted they would ever find out. Losing her mother and father had set Lucy free in a lonely, strange way. Not the blessed freedom of hope, but rather the freedom of aimless empty wandering.

The father of Lucy s baby had been a handsome young man who had been in the same household as she was. She had been a good girl, quiet and reserved, she had never known any other man, but the hardships of her last few years in this place had changed her. Many things had been let loose inside her and cast away like so much dead wood floating on the ocean s waves. What good were some things to hold on to when such a life was all you knew and most likely all you would ever know? The only true value was staying alive and finding what little love and comfort you could. They had come together one rainy night. All their unspoken pain and terror, their rage and uncertainty about their fate, bringing their bodies together and breaking their bodies apart in a terrible dance. Yet the pain was good, the physical exertion just what their souls needed . The love would come later. Was it always that way? Need and desire first, then the tender mercies? For these poor children, taken to farms and far off places they did not know and did not want to be, they could have no dreams. So they took what pleasure and comfort they could, in each other s arms.

Some of the whites saw them as animals. Lucy knew this. She could sense it, and she would hear them whispering and laughing with derision. They knew nothing about the gentleness of their hearts, the refinement of their intelligence, the sensitivity of their souls. Yet under such conditions, when the ones in charge of your life did not care for your soul or your mind or your heart, you quickly began to lose yourself in the body. Her love was dragged away one night for a minor infraction that she could not understand. She screamed, she begged, but to no avail. They would not listen, in fact, they became even more outraged at her pleading, and one man hit her hard across the face with the back of his hand. All she remembered was Ben's scared wide eyes and his mouth whispering something, that looked like I love you.

Then he was swallowed up by the men and the night. Oh baby, Lucy placed her head next to the child s, whatever am I gonna do with you? She picked up her head suddenly as though hearing a far off noise. Then she glanced down at her child and Lucy smiled. A warm, lovely smile. She kissed his head. Elijah. Chapter 3 Elijah sat with the women by the fire, listening to them tell stories of days long gone by, singing Negro spirituals, their voices full of rich power and beauty. Elijah loved to sing, and his big round eyes would close as he followed their voices and tried to repeat the words. The child s eyes were round and wide where his mother s were narrow and tilted, like a cat s, almost Oriental in appearance. He had long lashes like a girl. My God, he looks so much like Ben, Lucy was thinking, hugging herself as she watched him in a rare moment of peace. Priss low gruff voice broke through Lucy s reverie. Come on over here and we ll tell you I shall call you Elijah

You wanna hear about Jesus, child? all about the Savior Elijah s eyes widened. Priss! Tell me. No. Lucy s voice Not now, Priss. things to do than profile etched in What? girl?

He clapped his hands together.

Sure, tell me, Aunt

was tired but harsh, and she waved her hand in dismissal. The boy s tired. Let him rest. He s got more important listen to a bunch of stories. She turned her face, her the fire s glow.

Priss reared back, indignant. What s more important than Jesus, What s wrong with you? This child needs to be told -

She put a protective arm around Elijah. Priss - let him sleep. We are all tired here. I m beat. I had a rough

day. She lay back down on the mat and sighed. Come on over here next to Mommy, Elijah. She patted the spot by her side. But I wanna hear the story about Jesus - Elijah softly whined. Lij! She hissed, raising herself up on her elbows. The child

Oh, honey, don t be like that. Just lay on back down and rest. s gonna be alright with us. One of the women said gently. Lucy touched her forehead as though she had a fever. She said weakly, like that.

I don t know why you all are so eager to fill his head

Your mama would be ashamed to hear you talking such trash, an old wrinkled woman leaned forward from the back of the room and said as loudly as she could. Instead her words came out in a hoarse whisper. I knew your mama Sally, she loved the Lord. For sure you had some tough times, losing your daddy and then Sally, and them takin away the child s father like that -but you got no right to deny your sweet child Ida - Lucy held up her hand - I don t wanna hear this right now. know how I feel or what I ve been through. At least give the child a chance to know. ever have. You don t

Or else this hell is all he ll

Lucy felt like screaming. Why bring these things up in front of the poor child? Wasn t his life going to be hard enough? Didn t they understand this hell was all he might ever know anyway, Jesus stories or not. Why give him hope when there was none? In her pain and frustration, Lucy jumped off and grabbed Elijah by the hand and led him out the door. Mama -what s wrong? Elijah looked up at her tear-stained face as she held his hand and pointed to the sky. She knelt down next to him. See the stars? That s real, Lijah. See the trees and smell the food cookin? Hear the dogs barkin far away? That s real, Lijah. This world, all around you, right here. You learn to see that and live with it, honey. Learn to take whatever it gives you, whatever it brings to your door. No

matter what.

You hear me?

She took him by the shoulders and stared into his eyes. See this for what it is. Nothing blindin your vision, nothing stopping up your mind and filling it with impossible useless thoughts. You hear me? Her harsh words were softened by her tear filled eyes and her gentle smile. I love you, honey. And I will always be here for you. They can t ever take me away. Nothing they can ever do to Mama can make her leave you. So - she leaned back on her heels - you got Mama and Mama s got you. That s all we ll ever need. She pointed a finger at his chest to emphasize each word. Then Elijah s voice broke the darkness with a child s light. But Mama, why can t I still hear about Jesus? He was good, wasn t he?

Her shoulders slumped. Lucy suddenly gave up her hold on this thing she could neither understand nor defend. She shrugged. So go on in then. Go listen. Go on. She nodded to the door. Listen to a bunch of old women prattling on, telling their tales. If it ll make you happy, go on then. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand, and forced a smile. He stared at his mother, serious and sad, then traced her tears with his finger. Mama, don t cry. I love you.

She suddenly rushed at him and crushed him to her . I love you too, Lijah. She choked out.

Chapter 4

The other slaves had become immersed in their religion, in their spiritual hyms about a better life, a promise for the future, , hymns and prayers of petition and praise. Lucy felt apart from that. It felt hollow to her, meaningless. Lucy had

prayed since she was a little girl, and precious few of her prayers had ever been answered. Even the desperate ones. Except for one. She smiled at the memory.

Lucy had been praying for a doll for the longest time. A little rag doll was all she wanted, something to sleep with and hold tight as she slept with her mother and father. Then one Christmas day, it had been there. Sitting in a corner of the cabin, on a stool, a skinny little thing with a lovingly sewn dress and apron. Button eyes, a painted red mouth, braided black hair glued to her head and tied with blue ribbons. She became everything to Lucy. The answer to her Christmas prayers. never let a night go by without sleeping with her doll - aptly named - and telling her all her childhood secrets. Doll became Lucy s friend, her sister, her child. Then one day there had been a raid on their cabin. Apparently Lucy s father had been accused of stealing some pork and beans, as well as some silverware, from the kitchen. The items were never found, and the charge never proven, but all it took was a few hastily uttered words from Lucy s father, and a scared pleading glance from Lucy, and in a vicious gesture of spite, one of the men tore up the rag doll and left the pieces on the floor. For they could tell, in the way that heartless, simple men of cunning could tell, that this doll was the heartbeat of the little girl s life, and to harm the doll would hurt the father more than any beating ever could. Lucy never forgot the look in her father s eyes. So much grief. The grief that now lived in Lucy s heart must have gone straight to her father s eyes. Lucy would never want another doll or toy again.She no longer felt safe, and she knew she could not keep her beloved possessions safe. So what was the point of having them at all? Her father couldn t even keep Lucy safe now. That was when Lucy stopped praying. Later, much later, when her father had left and Lucy was on her way to becoming a woman, her mother had told her a secret. That she had heard Lucy murmuring her wish for a doll in her sleep one night. She had told She Doll

her husband, and together they created this beautiful doll for Lucy. Of course, Sally said proudly, I did all the stitching and sewing myself. Then Sally had stroked Lucy s hair and kissed her head and whispered to her, But you still gotta go on praying and believing, honey. You still gotta have hope. There s nothing wrong with hope. Once that dies, everything might as well be gone. Lucy looked back at the cabin and heard Elijah s high pitched laughter as the woman told him stories. She smiled and shrugged. Mama was right. You had to have hope. Why deny her son the hope that she had lost so long ago? Lucy came in from the cold. Chapter 5 The Master s son James had come home from university one day, a tall handsome young man. Cheeks perpetually rosy, deep set blue eyes, pink mouth always set in a half smile, and sturdy shoulders. He also had reddish blonde hair that gleamed in the sun. The male slaves made fun of his reddish tinted hair and his ruddy cheeks. They laughed and said he looked like a made up doll, painted and all, even his hair. Lucy never joined in the laughter. He was a kind decent young man. He would smile and bow slightly. She had heard what an intelligent man he was, and how he respected his family and vowed to take care of the finances and business, now that he was home from school. One night, Lucy was in the kitchen, with Priss, busily preparing dinner for that night s company. James came in, with a rush of cold air, and Lucy turned. He was behind her, a half-smile on his lips. Lucy - did I scare you? A little. She turned back to chopping the carrots and onions, her hand shaking slightly. She was not used to politeness from these men, nor did she seek it. She did not know how to react. A slap was easier to take. At least then you knew how to feel and what to do. Remain silent and humble, feel shame and repressed rage. But an unexpected kindness - that required a whole new set of responses. Lucy watched him as he walked over to the kitchen window and opened the curtain with his hand to peer outside. The setting sun kissed his reddish hair and gave it an almost fiery glow. She stared, mesmerized.

Lucy?

Are you chopping those vegetables?

Priss glared at her. This was unlike Lucy to act in such a manner. Priss then glanced over at James. He seemed to be a gentleman, but you could never tell what was on a man s mind or in his heart. And Lucy was still a beauty. Distant, hard to read. Mysterious eyes, regal profile. A man could easily want to find out what was in those eyes. Priss frowned and chopped her food with undue intensity. Lucy carefully resumed her preparations for dinner, with the grace and efficiency that characterized her. James took a few moments to watch Lucy. He knew Priss was like an overeager bulldog, taking in everything and missing nothing. James liked Lucy. He had heard good things about her from his parents. One of his younger sisters even told him how Lucy had helped knit her a beautiful sweater for the winter. Funny. She didn t seem like the warm, caring sort of woman, but you could never tell. She was just the kind of woman a man would like to know, would need to know, would try valiantly to understand, and the harder it was to reach her, the harder a man would try. James had no special girlfriends. Although many young woman had approached him, at parties and other places, he politely turned them all away. He needed to work hard and take care of his family. That was his concern and his life. He had been away for a few years now. Lucy s affair with Ben, her child Elijah, that was all news to him. He only vaguely remembered her as a teenager, awkward and skinny. James stared at her proud back, it shook slightly with the motion of her hands chopping the vegetables. He watched her graceful hands and long fingers manuever the knife, scoop up the vegetables and place them in the bowl, and repeat the movements again with delicate precision. Her slender hands beautifully shaped, like those of an artist. An artist with carrots and onions. James smiled and blushed. He imagined holding those hands, kissing them. Priss broke the silence. Will you be needing anything, sir? She gave the question more emphasis than it required, her eyebrows raised. Uh, no Priss, thank you, I m fine, just checking up on things.

Things are fine here. Lucy never looked up.

Her eyebrows still raised, Priss watched him leave.

Lucy knew how the Master s son felt from the look in his eyes. She could tell those things. It scared her. Dangerous games. Dangerous outcomes. Best not to play at all. But what if you don t play? What if the game is forced upon you? Nothing anybody could do. She shuddered. She stopped chopping the food. He had kind eyes. He would never be mean to a woman. Two men had shown an interest in marrying Lucy. One, an older farm hand named Silas - he tilled the soil - another, a younger man named Tom, closer to Lucy s age, he drove the carriage and did errands for the family. Both loved her for different reasons. Both needed her, but could not let her know how much. Lucy, on the other hand, didn t appear to need anyone, except Elijah. Once the slaves heard sounds of fierce arguing coming from the house. The sounds of glass breaking, a woman crying, presumably the mother, and the angry bellowing of the father. He seemed drunk. Lucy could not understand all the fury and pain. Weren t his parents happy that he was home? James stayed to himself a lot. The other slaves began to talk, crude talk, mostly by the men, about how this young man liked little boys and other men, rather than healthy young women, or how he could not function with a woman, but preferred pleasuring himself. Lucy felt furious and ashamed for him. How could they know such personal secrets? Did they make this up out of jealousy and dislike, or did they spy and eavesdrop on the family? She heard that some of the slaves did this discreetly, in a curious game of one-upmanship, using the limited power available to them. Still, Lucy felt sorry for him and she could not look him in the eyes. This bothered James and he vowed to talk to Lucy about looked at him. Was he repulsive to her? He found Lucy alone cleaning up the kitchen one night. He called her name softly. She turned and saw him and dropped her eyes instinctively. Lucy, don t do that. Please. Don t. why she never

I m sorry Why do you avoid my eyes? It s not you. She struggled for the words to say.

Are you ashamed of me? No. She looked up suddenly and realized she could never tell him the truth. Not only would it devastate him but it would bring trouble to the slaves if it was known they passed around such stories. James stepped forward. Do you like me, Lucy? Lucy felt bewildered and trapped. I like you as well She caught her breath. Dangerous. Her heart began to beat wildly. Yes I do. What is it then?

You are not a slave to me. He stepped closer. Then he looked around. I hate all of this. I hate my situation, I hate my obligations, I even start to hate myself. She stared up at him. He was talking to her like a person, not as a thing. She doubted he even spoke to his own kind in this way. I have no girlfriends, no real friends - I don t even want a girlfriend. Those silly made up foolish girls. I don t want any of them. Lucy stared at him with something like horror, a sinking feeling in her chest. He was placing personal secrets at her feet, something that no one else ever did. The slaves never talked like this to each other, Silas and Tom never spoke like this to Lucy. She did not know how to deal with it, or what to make of it. In her world, things were direct, simple, you existed and you survived, there was no time for emotions or discussions of pain and heartache. But because the chasm between them was so wide and insurmountable, the bridge he was attempting to build was all the more poignant and heartwrenching. He suddenly grasped her hand. like an artist s. Your hands. I noticed. They are exquisite,

She glanced down at his pale hand over hers. Did anyone ever tell you you are more like a princess than a domestic? Lucy had the strangest urge to burst out laughing. Then she saw the look on his face and she restrained herself. Tears filled her eyes. She blinked them away. Why are you saying these things? I am a slave to your family, James, not an artist, not a princess. I work for your parents. She gently released his hand, and touched her forehead as she often did when under stress. Please go, James. This is bad. Please just go.

He backed away. You are beautiful to me, Lucy. To me you are a woman among women. You should know that. He walked away. Lucy almost collapsed against the kitchen table but she forced herself to stay upright. Think of Elijah. That always keeps you steady. Her son s face appeared before her and she resumed cleaning up the kitchen with a nervous restless energy. Chapter 6

The moment things changed never quite became clear, but suddenly Lucy was meeting James at an abandoned shed at the outskirts of the property. They would sit and talk. Or rather he would talk and she would listen, with her enigmatic poise. She longed to tell James her fears and dreams but she could not do it. was the Master s son. He had the power. She must always remain aware of this, even if he did not wish her to. He

He talked of his shyness, his loneliness, his father s relentless bullying and perfectionism, how his father drank too much and now James would not touch a drop so he wouldn t be like him. How some women always reminded him of his mother, weak, ineffectual, shallow, caring about the wrong things, never there when you really needed them. He knew that was unfair, but he could not help it. This was how he saw things. This was how his mother was - never stopping his father from doing and saying whatever he

felt like. Lucy started to mention her own father, and then her mother - at first tentative unimportant scraps of information. She dare not venture further. She could not express herself as he did. It upset her to talk so openly. One day he touched her face and the touch was so gentle. touched like that for years, not since Ben. Lucy had not been

She looked into the deep blue eyes of the Master s son and her heart began to tell her things. Wild, crazy things. That it was possible he cared for her. That she could trust and open her heart and tell him all her deepest dreams. That he could take her out of this place and this living hell and give her and her son a brand new life somewhere else His eyes were still so kind. She backed away slightly. She felt more than just compassion and pity for this lonely young man who poured his heart out to her. The hard shell that protected her heart slowly cracked open and Lucy was not sure she should let this happen. He only kissed her once, twice more and that was it. stood too. Then he stood. Lucy

I will do things right. Lucy, I love you. He clasped her hand warmly. will be back. I will tell my father how I feel No, James, you can t. This is what I want. She became afraid. I have to be honest about it. The look

He turned to go and Lucy reached out to him, grabbing his arms. in her eyes was one of anguish and worry.

Don t do this James. It s impossible. Your family will never let this happen. I care about you. You are a good decent young man. But don t tell anyone about these feelings. Please. You are asking for a whole world of trouble He placed his hands on her shoulders and peered into her face. care of things. I promise. Don t worry and don t be afraid. I will take

That night the sounds coming from the house were awful. Shouts, screams, threats, more glass shattering, things being thrown. It seemed like the whole family was involved in a vicious fight. Much crying, the sisters and the mother, it sounded like to Lucy.

Then a shot rang out, breaking the night. Lucy ran out of the cabin and straight for the house without thinking. Priss and a few other women pulled her back. Priss was never told what had happened, but she could see it in their eyes. Stay here, honey. Stay right here. Nothing you can do.

Lucy gave her a helpless look and ran back into the cabin, closing the door behind her and throwing herself on the floor. The next morning, James was gone. He had sent word through one of the men, who looked apologetic and sad. He said to tell Lucy he would be back for her and Elijah. Lucy later found out he had been cut off from the family fortune without a dime. Before he could send for Lucy and the boy, some men stormed into their cabin the next night and roughly separated Lucy and Elijah, amid the women s screams and the men s angry shouts. The slave men had come in from their own lodgings to see what all the commotion was about and they stood blocking the doorway, their faces full of rage. The family had chosen an appropriate punishment. Lucy s son was taken away to another place where she would not find him. And Lucy too was sent away as well. her. She was given nothing to take with

All she could take with her that night was the memory of her son screaming and his agonized confused face, as he struggled with the men who drove him away. All she could take with her that night was the sight of Priss agony as she cried an old woman s bitter tears and begged the men not to separate mother and child. The women s faces and the men s, a sea of them, beautiful brown faces like hers, twisted in agony and rage - that was all she would ever take with her from that night. And then everything was gone from her sight.

Chapter 7

Elijah would never stop looking for his mother. He vowed he would find her. His prayers never ceased. He knew they would be answered. He possessed the unerring faith his mother lacked. Elijah was sent to a terrible family, who regularly had him beaten and whipped, and worked him like a dog. But he remained polite and good. Always praying. Lucy became old before her time, old from the pain of losing so much, especially Elijah, and of the back breaking work she had to do. Her family was not as bad, not brutal or violent. Yet they remained cold and distant. She missed James and his kind words. James. It was because of James she was destroyed. Because of his love she lost Elijah. Still she could never hate the man. He had been good to her and she knew he had really loved her.

Chapter 8

Some years passed and Elijah was growing into a young man. He never stopped searching for his mother, in the town he would go to for groceries and errands for the family. He would ask everyone he met if they had heard of Lucy - he described her cat shaped eyes, her peculiar laugh and the mark on her right arm. One day, Elijah was in the store, buying groceries. A tall man came in, his hair graying but he was still young. A well dressed man, with a pocket watch. Elijah glanced at him quickly. Then he turned and asked the owner if he had heard about or seen Lucy with the cat s eyes, the peculiar laugh and the mark on her right arm. The tall man started and dropped his bag of candy. The candy spilled all over the floor and Elijah bent down to help pick it up. The man bent down too and put a hand on Elijah s arm. You know Lucy?

She s my mother. You re Elijah? You know my mother? Elijah stood up and the man did as well.

She worked at a place some years ago, in another town. When I was about 5, I was taken away. How old are you now? Just about Your mother would be I m not sure. She was young when she bore me - maybe she d be about 30. I ve been looking everywhere for her. Can t find her. They may have taken her far away. Another town a long distance away. Let me help you 16?

The man paid the bill and took Elijah by the shoulder. look You knew my mother? Yes. Elijah repeated the question.

She was a special lady. You ll help me He extended his hand. By the way, my name is

Elijah stopped walking. I will. James.

I ll do all I can.

James put ads in newspapers, put flyers up in neighboring towns. Eventually someone came forward with information about Lucy. She was indeed far away, not close by at all, and it would take a while to get to her, but the person knew where she was. f James explained some of what had happened on that fateful day he left. His father was a powerful man, and he had forced people to keep silent about Lucy s whereabouts in anyone were to enquire, especially his son James. Also, the father made sure that her location was switched once in a while, so that Lucy never stayed with the same family for long. When the father died last year, James began to get closer to the truth about Lucy.

You never gave up?

Elijah asked.

No, Elijah, I never did. You loved my mother. He said this simply with a very sad glance at James. Yes. I did. She

James blushed and put a self-conscious hand to his face. was beautiful. Elijah gently put a hand on his shoulder. too

I think she may have loved you

James looked at him and then suddenly they embraced. I hope she s alright, I really do, Elijah She is. Elijah stood up. Let s go find her now.

The lead turned out to be authentic. James and Elijah arrived in a handsome black shiny carriage drawn by two white horses. It was a small ramshackle farm in an out of the way town. They approached the house and asked to see Lucy. The response was polite, indifferent but agreeable. They walked across the field to a tiny shed with smoke coming out of the chimney, bedraggled plants and flowers growing outside the door, and two lazy dogs wandering around. Lucy was there. Behind the door. Beautiful proud Lucy. James swallowed nervously. Elijah, you go in first. She is your mother. She ll want to see you. Elijah nodded and opened the door slowly Lucy lay on a cot, staring at the ceiling. She was thin, her face gaunt, and her cheekbones too sharp. But even at this angle and in this sorry condition, she was a beauty. She looked up as the door opened but did not rise off the bed. Then she saw the tall young black man and the tall red haired man with a tinge of gray in his hair. Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth wide as if to scream, but nothing came out. She stood up as if in a dream

Then she put her hand to her mouth and Elijah! James!

tears gushed from her eyes.

She cried out, her arms opening wide to embrace them both

They ran to her, and embraced her, then each one sat on the bed on either side of Lucy. You are all skin and bones. Elijah tried to make light of it, but his heart was breaking and his voice shook. We gotta get you some food. She giggled Time and hardship had made Lucy weak and vulnerable, uncharacteristically girlish. I sure could use some meat and potatoes. James excused himself and went to talk with her owners. He offered them a handsome price for Lucy s freedom He would soon do the same for Elijah. He had lost his father s inheritance, but he managed to make good money on his own, due to his fine education and a good head for numbers. Elijah took this chance to tell his mother what was in his heart. he could think of saying was the following But all

See, Mama? He spoke softly to her as though to a child as he sat by the bed, tracing her tears with his finger as he once did so long ago. See? I told you God takes care of us. You may not think so, but like they say he works in mysterious ways. God is behind James. James finding me. And me finding you. And God - God is behind Mr. james loving you the way he did. And you giving birth to me. Can t you see, Mama? God is here. Right now. He never left. If the truth be told, he gave us this day. The devil may whisper in people s ears and get them to do terrible things they never should have been doing, , but Mama, as surely as the devil does his work, I know - I KNOW - God is also doing some work of His own. Never forget this. Ever. You hear me? He kissed his mother s soft hair.

Is that you talking, my sweet Elijah? Yeah, Mama, it s me. I m right here. He was crying now too

I could have sworn it was an angel s voice I heard just now

Could be, Mama.

Could very well be.

Part 5 - CAMERON/ANTHONY IN THE RELIGIOUS LIFE Chapter 1

The religious life was never as easy as people thought. It wasn t supposed to be. Cameron smiled and poured himself some coffee from the pot which the rectory housekeeper always prepared every morning before he woke. She knew how much he loved coffee, but cameron felt that he drank too much. He drank too much coffee and smoked too many cigarettes. But that was how he dealt with the mess of being a priest in an increasingly chaotic, challenging world. Hearing confession - either the sins were mind-numbing in their banality and routine, or worse, they were troublesome and signs of a disturbing sickness. Everywhere it seemed - sickness lately. In his own beloved mother, who died a slow, painful and undignified death. She did not go quietly into that good night, no. she fought like the aging tigress she always was, the way she fought for her children, even when they were adults, the way she fought for a bargain in the grocery or department store, the way she fought with cameron s father. He frowned and pushed his coffee cup away. He needed a cigarette. Was it about her? He would have to see about giving them up. He smiled. Oh yeah. Take away my only two pleasures. What else do I have? Mrs. O brien s pleasant face at mass, participating in church activities with all the cheerfulness of a dried lemon? Then he recalled mrs. O brien s failed marriage, her alcoholism and her drug addicted son. At once he felt deep shame. Yes, it was true that god loved a cheerful giver. But sometimes all we could do was just give. Cameron knew that was sufficient for god. He believed that pure thoughts make a pure spirit. He tried to be evervigilant, but he was by nature of a sharp tongue and an even sharper mind. Too sharp, it seemed, especially for so young and innocent a priest. His parishioners said he had a boyish charm and good looks. If they only knew

He drank deeply from his cup of coffee now. He had begun his caffeine habit early, given coffee as a little boy by his father, himself a caffeine addict - among other things. Again cameron frowned. His father was in a nursing home and his mother was long gone. Buried with love in a catholic cemetery. Cameron had a plot there next to her, and his brother and sister were there as well. But not his father. He would be buried with his own parents and sister and brother in another part of town.

The separation would last even beyond the grave. Chapter 2 It all began, or so it seemed, with a visit from a young woman he had once had a huge crush on . More like an obsession, as he told Anthony, Her name was Claire. She came to see him from out of town. She was neat, well groomed, beautiful in a fastidious rich looking way. Slick blonde hair pulled back in a chignon. Perfectly applied make up. Cameron felt unkempt and messy. Not just physically, but inside as well. But then again, she had always made him feel this way, even when they were younger. She came to see how he was doing ( fine , he said, a little too coldly and a little too quickly), she asked if he needed any money for his parish and his charities ( if you would like to donate, of course we could always use it , he said with a tight smile). He gave Claire nothing but stock replies to stock questions, for he knew that was what she seemed to prefer. And also as a punishment for her earlier indifference. But then, right after she left, something in him snapped. He smoked too many cigarettes. He had left behind too much. His choosing the priesthood now seemed like an impulsive attempt at escaping pain, rather than an honest act of devotion to god. He began to drink the whiskey from the cabinet. After he had one too many glasses, he called up Anthony. soon as he was able. Chapter 3 Anthony came as

Anthony knew god at an early age. He remembered praying incessantly, hearing voices, and seeing a light surrounding his bed, one dark night, just before his parents came in to tell him his grandmother had passed away. His parents had come into his bedroom and saw an already anxious and alert child sitting up in bed, as though he was expecting them. They were startled, and then they told him of his grandmother s passing. Anthony never told them about the voices or the light. incessant praying and they even encouraged it. He would meet cameron sometime in his 25th year of age. younger. They knew about the

Cameron was a year

Anthony - the gentle sensitive soul, who would become a Franciscan monk cameron - the vibrant, expressive spirit, who would become one of the youngest parish priests in his community to assume the level of responsibility Cameron knew. Together they would meet to love and serve the lord and to face what often times seemed to be an insurmountable sea of darkness, by jumping into the very same life boat, and praying to god that it would keep them afloat. But now cameron was in trouble - and he desperately needed to stay in that life boat, for he felt he was sinking fast.

Chapter 4 anthony came over with a bakery box of Italian cookies and a pound of gourmet coffee oh, you are my man. highs. Yeah, right You are awesome! Thanks! We can both get our sugar

Anthony smiled and began to open the bag of coffee. And the sugar kind is the safest one to have, I

. I could use a high. guess. except

for the high you can get from god,

Anthony said softly.

His eyes

searched cameron s face. oh. yeah. THAT That let me make us some coffee. Then we can talk

Anthony stood up.

Both of them shared a love of sweets and coffee, which pleased cameron to no end. He had an almost absurd distrust of people who did not like these things. The only thing he was glad Anthony did not share with him was a love of smoking. Good for him, was all he could think. He held up the pound of coffee. Cameron nodded absently. Anthony sat back down. Now tell me. Cameron picked up a pink sprinkled cookie and bit into it slowly. Claire was here today, he said between chews. Why? Cameron had told Anthony all about his passionate infatuation a long time ago. She came to see how I was. To give me money for my parish, etc. etc. etc. hazelnut cream. Sounds good, yeah?

As the aroma of the coffee filled the air,

He ran his fingers through his hair and threw the cookie down. Anthony, you know, I am so sick of everything. I am sick of my doubts, and my fatigue, and my routine, and the women who volunteer. Anthony interrupted. They mean well. They only want to do good.

I know that. Cameron leaned forward, but I keep having these sarcastic thoughts and this - I don t know - depression. Ennui, I guess you could call it. Boredom? Divine discontent. He chuckled softly No such thing. Anthony said. Cameron raised his eyebrows.

There is no such thing as divine discontent. Divinity can only bring contentment. It s the world that brings the negative. So when you get this feeling, rest assured, it isn t divine, my friend. Okay. Cameron nodded slowly, but Anthony could tell he wasn t sure.

There was a pause, and then, Anthony, I don t think I have a future as a priest. Why do you say that? It was Anthony s turn to lean forward. Because you have these uncharitable thoughts about church ladies? Cameron, this hardly qualifies as a reason to leave the priesthood. Anthony was trying to be funny. But cameron wasn t laughing. Listen, we all feel like this sometimes. Even you? Even me, yes. Anthony bowed his head and made the sign of the cross. Mea culpa. He looked up and grinned and finally cameron grinned back. So is there a Claire in your life? Was there ever?

Anthony suddenly had a strange flash of a woman he had never seen = not in this lifetime. Her face was so clear. He shook his head to dispel this image. No. no Claire.

Too bad. No, actually, it s a good thing, considering the effect Claire has on you! I mean, too bad. At least then you could identify and share in my pain, brother! These things unite us! Cameron went over to get a cup of coffee for himself and Anthony. Anyway, thanks for coming here. No problem. Cameron placed a mug of coffee in front of Anthony and sat back down. She is just so perfect - so beautiful - unattainable as always. When isn t she? And there she was. And there wasn t a damn thing I could do about

it. pal.

Especially now. So to speak.

And of course, now she wants to see me and be my

He drank the coffee noisily and put the cup down with a flourish. Now I m safe! Safe! Right, Anthony? He laughed but it was not a nice sound. I was always safe, that s why I m here. Right? Anthony sighed and shook his head. You re here because you chose to be, cameron. You are here because you love god. His friend didn t answer. Anthony slapped the table, the first angry gesture that cameron had ever seen him make. Some of their coffee spilled onto the table. What s wrong? What is it with you?

Cameron turned his face, so Anthony could only see his boyish profile. But he knew there was nothing boyish about the emotions that seemed to rage inside his friend. I may have made a mistake. Doubts are natural. Cameron said this quietly.

We all have them. I m not just talking about being a priest. That

Cameron held up his hand. s only one mistake. What are the others?

Cameron turned to him. Anthony had lost his appetite for the delicious cookies and the coffee. Oh man, I ll tell you, it isn t that simple. It is never that simple.

Right here. Anthony leaned close to his friend and pointed to his temple. Right here. This. In the region of your mind. This is where all the power resides. This is where it all begins. Hold every thought captive. That s in the bible, remember? Right. And spend all your time and energy doing that until you have precious little left for the give and take of life. Cameron, listen.

No, you listen, Anthony!

It was his turn to bang the table.

He stood up.

My thoughts are not exactly model prisoners. They tend to resist capture and seek escape at every opportunity. His voice shook and he emphasized every word. You still have feelings for Claire? You mean love? Cameron snorted. No, not love. Not even lust. hesitated and looked away. Not for Claire. No. A red flag rose in Anthony s mind. He

Should he pursue this or ignore it?

He said finally, are you having sexual thoughts and feelings? Cameron Well, still remained standing, his back now to Anthony. buddy, I m human. Maybe you can drive these demons away -

They re not demons,cameron, but they need to be dealt with, or they can become your downfall. He turned back but avoided Anthony s eyes. You want any more coffee? No. I m done here. Cameron, you need to talk with someone. Someone who can help you sort this out. Someone besides me. Yeah. I ll see what I can do. A counselor.

Anthony was afraid to dig too deeply into his friend s psyche. He was afraid what he would find. His own determined celibacy might seem like a mockery to cameron s own struggle, the insincere attempt at saintly perfection. He knew cameron hated insincerity above all else or even the appearance of it Anthony rose and put his hand on cameron s shoulder. okay. Hold on. The cavalry s on its way, kid. cavalry? Isn t that where jesus was crucified? It s going to be

Cameron laughed at this silly play on words.

Right! Anthony laughed too.

Try to get some sleep.

I ll be by tomorrow.

He walked to the door and put his hand on the doorknob. He turned around just in time to see cameron looking up at the ceiling, his head thrown back and his mouth open in an expression of despair. Then cameron snapped his head back and changed his expression. He waved at Anthony. Anthony hesitated. through this. See ya, pal. Sure. Thanks for stopping by. we re gonna get

Take it easy. And don t worry,

He opened the door and stepped out. Anthony knew he had failed his friend tonight, he was ill equipped to deal with things he knew nothing about and did not experience himself. He knew about priests and other religious who counseled married couples, sexaddicted people, and others who had vastly different lives. He respected them, but he did not think he could do this for anyone. Anthony needed to feel as the person felt, to think as they did, and only then could he fully assist them. He would get cameron the help he needed. Chapter 5 He would not let him down.

Cameron had started out so hopeful, so energetic. So many dreams for the church, radically open-minded and passionate. He was the prodigy, the star, the charismatic young priest. What happened? Anthony once told him, satan always attacks that god has to offer. the brightest and the best

Is that what this was? Satan? The guy with the pitchfork and the tail? Or perhaps a more disturbing image? The very picture of normalcy. Normal everyday people who just showed up in our lives. You could see the guy with the pitchfork coming a mile away. But your everyday average joe? That was the one you never expected. And he was the one who could end up killing you in your sleep. Cameron shuddered and finished his coffee.

Chapter 6

Once cameron was riding the subway, because his car was In the shop getting repaired. People were pressed against him, as he stood, holding on to a pole, and as he finally got a seat. Close. Too close. He would shift in his seat away from them and smile, trying to show he was just a normal guy, nothing wrong. He knew the feeling of someone even sitting next to him, leaning too close, or their body touching his, was too strange and uncomfortable. When he walked down the street and saw a woman with a low cut blouse, he would automatically find himself staring at her breasts, thinking how soft they were. Claire was flat-chested, but she had long beautiful legs. Cameron realized that he was definitely what they call a Breast man , although this didn t give him very much comfort. He sat down with his counselor, determined to shield his thoughts and reveal only what he wanted to. He could never say any of those things. would be embarrassed even if he wasn t a priest. Those things were private, his mother had always instilled that in him. They never discussed sexuality. He remembered his father hitting his mother sometimes, his face red from rage and drink. But he only did this on rare occasions, as though this made it more acceptable. His mother, of course, would provoke his father for days with verbal attacks and sharp angry insults. She was a volatile woman, but she had a good heart and she loved her children. Loved them more than she could ever love her husband. Cameron s father had become, in her words, a lush , a useless drunk . he would hide the money he made from his job and give his wife less than he earned. Then he would spend the remainder on drinks in bar-rooms and play the numbers with bookies. When cameron s mother found this out, she was furious. She wanted nice things for her household and for her kids - cameron, his older brother and his younger sister. She loved to dress them in nice clothes and have pretty lace curtains and table cloths. She was proud of her home, even though it was a walk-up apartment in a crowded city. She was the queen of her castle. As far as the king went - there was no king. In Dottie s eyes, he had long since abdicated the

He

throne to her children, especially cameron. Cameron was the king of the house now, the true man, and his father knew this. Sometimes he would look at his son with barely contained hatred. Once in a while he would hit the kids, especially cameron, but not very often. He was a man who kept many things bottled up inside, until they became unbearable and loosed by the drinking. He left them when cameron was 13 and never returned. When cameron entered the seminary some years later, he tried to find out what happened to his father. His father was in a home, because the drinking had affected his brain and his liver. Despite all that, he managed to out live cameron s mother, dottie. Who had never touched a drop of liquor in her life or smoked a cigarette. Cameron spoke of all these things to his counselor, who asked quietly, Do you hate your father, cameron? Hate? No - why? I feel sorry for him, that s all. do with anything? The counselor stared at him. about her? What does that have to

What about your mother - how do you feel

Listen, I ll be honest with you here - I never thought this re-hashing of the past never did anybody any good. It s not what I need. It s now I need to deal with - right here and now. Cameron slapped his hand hard on the arm of the chair for emphasis and his face became flushed. You don t resent your mother or father? I can t! he said loudly. I loved my mother. I wasn t crazy about my dad. He was too messed up. But I loved my mom. She did the best she could. She was dealt a lousy hand. I feel contempt for all women. I hate them. Was that him? Was

Cameron glanced around his eyes wide. Who said that? he thinking that? Is that how he feels? He wiped some sweat from his forehead.

He hoped the counselor didn t

notice.

He didn t .

he was making notes.

Cameron s mind flashed on a memory. Of his mother, screaming at his father, her face flushed, her eyes bright with a strange look. His father lunged at her, grabbed her roughly, and held her by the throat. He was pressed up against cameron s mother, and her face was still flushed, but she had stopped yelling. Cameron had been a little boy then, and he had been scared. Now as he remembered, he had this weird feeling. The line between love and hate so thin, between rage and lust so easily crossed. The unspoken tension between his mother and father had produced 4 children, and even long after the children had grown, and the love had gone, this tension still existed, only for cameron it was embarrassing, ugly, twisted by anger, the way their faces had been. Cameron stood. We aren t done here. minutes. The counselor checked his watch. We still have 15

I have to go back to the church, things need to be done. We ll be sure and discuss what s been troubling you at the next session. Sure. Next time. Cameron rushed out of the office into the bright street. He hated the dark office. He couldn t breathe in there. Chapter 7

Cameron didn t believe what other devout people sometimes did - that all bad thoughts and desires were from satan, or increased by satan. He believed in evil, but not the way others did. At a certain point, you had to take responsibility for your own self. And to blame the devil for everything seemed to be to cameron just a clever way to avoid admitting your own dark nature. Or maybe just a way to save your sanity.

Chapter 8

He went into the church after hours to pray. Even though he hated the darkness, he loved the church in the dark, lit only by the dancing lights of a few candles. He knelt before a huge crucifix at the front of their church. streams of blood pouring from his forehead down his face. Jesus had

Cameron always stared in fascination at such a graphic depiction of jesus, yet no doubt a realistic one. He had the urge to wipe the blood off jesus s face. He always felt so sorry for him. Somehow cameron had a hard time personalizing the sacrifice jesus had made - as being done for him. He knew and believed that jesus suffered and died for humanity. But he found it hard to accept that it was for him, for the chubby brash man in the corner deli, selling cold cuts, for the ladies on the street corner selling themselves Cameron had a hard time with that part. He bent down low to the ground and prayed. He poured his heart out. The gentle understanding jesus, who never condemned. Oh he would tell you off alright if you needed it. But then he would always give you such love. He would help you change. As cameron looked up, he thought he saw a shadow across the crucifix. He stared into the lord s eyes, painted a bright eerie blue and wide open through the streams of blood. As cameron stared, the face seemed to change. moving. He blinked and wiped his eyes. Look at what he did. All for nothing. It looked like the mouth was

What a joke. Stop it! He screamed inside his

Cameron pressed his hands over his ears. head.

He pressed his forehead to the cold ground and he prayed with desperate anguish. As he prayed, visions of girls and boys filled his mind, even here in the sacred church before his lord. Images of men and women, naked, in various sexual positions.

Cameron jumped up.

God, please forgive me!

He made the sign of the cross and fled the church. Chapter 9 Cameron began to drink again, just like his father. Like father, like son. Only this time there would be no women or children beaten. Thank god for that. He stopped calling Anthony, but Anthony came by anyway one day. Almost as though he knew. Cameron had missed mass. ; he pretended he had the flu. Another priest filled in. Anthony knocked but nobody answered. The door was unlocked, So he stepped in and saw cameron, sitting at the table. Let s make some coffee,kid. Cameron nodded. That was always their routine.

Yeah, I could go for that. What? No Italian cookies this time? He smiled.

He looked up at Anthony.

Anthony made the coffee, from a can in the cabinet, looking over his shoulder at cameron. Then he came and sat across from his friend. You and I are going on a vacation, cameron. We are getting out of here. You hear me? Someplace nice and peaceful, away from all this. To clear your head. He paused. Have you been keeping your appointments? Cameron fingered his whiskey glass. Every single one. I m good. Boy, I m good. A good little boy. Are

Anthony wanted to cry. You know you could tell me anything - anything. you being honest with the counselor? Depends on what you mean by honesty. Tell him what s been bothering you.

He looked up into his friend s eyes. Tell him everything.

It s up here. ; cameron tapped the side of his head angrily. It s up here, Anthony. I want it out. I want it gone. How is he supposed to do that if I can t? tell me! He got up suddenly and his chair fell over and crashed to the floor.

Anthony stood up too.

Let s have some coffee now.

Cameron shouted, coffee is not the answer to everything, Anthony! It s not like, oh let s make some tea, after we have a tragedy or a bad day. Some stupid, stupid movies - they always do that - every time someone is upset or sick, it s like, gee, let s make some frigging tea. That ll make everything so much better! Anthony let him rant. He was close to crying. went over to the pot of coffee. He cleared his throat. He

I m gonna make myself some, then. Let me know if you want any, ok? hand shook as he poured the coffee into his mug.

His

Then, quietly, he said, I love sharing these cups of coffee with you, cameron. I love this time we spend together. You know that, don t you? Cameron began to cry.

Chapter 9

Anthony believed he knew what was behind his friend s agony. Of all the young religious men he studied with, Anthony was the one most likely to bring up the temptations of satan and the existence of satan as a real,constant presence in the world. Anthony did not know where or how he got this overwhelmingly strong belief.in the influence of the devil. Since he was a child, he had felt this inside. He always believed this was the true enemy of the world. When others began angry or disillusioned with the condition of the world, or when they had a conflict with another person due to the careless cruelty shown to them, Anthony would patiently remind them at great length, quoting the bible, Our real enemy is not flesh and blood, but the principalities. There goes Anthony s favorite song, again! roll their eyes and laugh. But can you dance to it? Some of the young men would

Another would answer, to more laughter.

Even in the powerful religious atmosphere of the considered extreme.

monastery, Anthony was

Yet he knew. He knew in his heart. And often times he felt as though he watched people around him drowning, dying, in that sea of darkness, and there was nothing he could do. Like john the baptist. and disbelieved. The voice crying in the wilderness unheeded

He used to dream, when he was younger, of a shadow, menacing and huge, hovering over the city in which he lived and the place in which he was born. The shadow would grow in shape and ferocity. Like a tornado funnel. Anthony stood watching, near his window, high above the city. And

The people below were walking, talking and laughing. He would try to shout out about the cloud that was coming, but words wouldn t come out,. Anthony had always been afraid of tornadoes, hurricanes and the violence of nature. Even a particularly ferocious rain storm would scare him and he would hide under the bed. He still felt that primal fear, that he had to hide, he had to get away. Sometimes when he was little, he imagined that he heard horrible voices in the wailing of the wind and the pounding of the thunder.

Chapter 10 Cameron had finally confessed to Anthony. And they both knelt down in the cozy tiny kitchen where they had spent so much time together with their cups of coffee. They prayed, they cried, they sang holy songs from their childhood and from the mass. At one point the face of the mysterious green eyed woman appeared before Anthony. He shook his head again, instinctively. Then he stopped. He opened his eyes and looked over at Cameron.What Anthony saw startled him. Again, The woman in his dreams - with the black hair and the emerald green eyes that contained all the secrets in the world - she was

superimposed over Cameron's face in a hazy mist. Cameron's eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth moving in whispered prayers.

Anthony took his hand and held it. Cameron opened his eyes and looked up. He had to blink hard to see if his eyes were deceiving him. At first he thought he saw a beautiful blonde angel, glowing and smiling at him with all the devotion he thought he had lost and would never find again. Anthony smiled and nodded, and the vision cleared. just - Anthony. It was Anthony again, -

Cameron gave a litle smile in return and resumed his prayers.

Epilogue - the return Archangel Michael and Spirit Ariana flew to Heaven, the consciousness of their souls bursting forth and once again reaching the paradise filled with unbearable light and unimaginable splendor. They embraced, their minds connecting with excited, tumbling thoughts, memories, emotions too intense to contain. The Creator was pleased. He glowed with a warmth that flooded paradise and filled their aching souls. They had learned much in their time on earth. Michael had experienced tremendous weakness, sickness, love, friendship beyond compare, the quiet beauty of a plain and simple life - as Davina, Aaron, Elijah, and Anthony.

He had learned that even within the most terrible weakness there existed unbelievable strength, and that within the most terrible strength there existed sickening weakness. Michael had learned the hardships and unique trials a woman faces, as well as her beauty and joys. He had learned the challenges and rewards of a life spent as a man in devotion to god and sacrifice on behalf of another. Ariana had learned much as well - as Riona, Aurelia, Lucy, and Cameron.

She had learned to trust herself and to resist the emotional forces can pull one under due to fear and vulnerability.

that

She had learned to value and love only what was real, good, and substantial - not the glittering, blinding beauty of a counterfeit nature. Ariana had learned true love in its many forms - and she realized that life need not go entirely her way, according to her plans, or be filled with extraordinary excitement and passion to have lasting worth. All powerful lessons. Good to learn. Even better to teach.

The Creator heard unearthly crying and screaming from a distance. It was Lucifer, at first softly moaning and whispering, then thundering in rage and agony. Refusing to submit to his fate, refusing to see what he had done. Pity filled the Creator s heart, and He cried as well, for the anguish became intolerable. Others would hear these rages and feel only fear or discomfort. The Creator had infinite patience and love. He could hear what was truly in the sounds that Lucifer made. Let us gather all the others and teach what has been learned. Let them see what can be done with a doomed rebellion and a flawed creation. The hope and beauty of paradise coming to the earth, by such souls as these - fragile, imperfect, struggling. And yet, within that fragility, within that imperfection, within those struggles, lay all the light and love necessary for an impoverished world. Let it be so, as I will it to be so, thought the Creator. And so it was. The end And so it is, and so it will be, forevermore.