A TOUCHED HEART

Perspectives from a Muslims Life

Abdul Halim Lee

TABLE OF CONTENTS

WORDS OF GRATITUDE INTRODUCTION

2 5 7 8 10 13 21 24 30 36 37 38 40 44 50 55 64 71 73 113 138 153 185 196 206 235 236 238 242 242

PART I A PERSPECTIVE * Tribute to My Mother My life revisited Passing the Torch (letter to daughter)

WORDS OF GRATITUDE
I express special thanks to Sh. Mansoor Bin Khalifa Bin Khalid AlThani for his support and many kindnesses extended to me and my family during our years in Qatar. I also express deep appreciation to my teacher for several years, Abdur-Rauf Shakir, for his generosity in sharing the knowledge of Islam inside and outside the classroom and by his example. I will always have deep affection for my brothers and comrades at Islamweb, Allah willing, especially in the English section for sharing their knowledge and generosity of spirit. May Allah bless them all, and grant success to the great work in which we are engaged for His sake.
Abdul Halim Lee Sanaa, Republic of Yemen June, 2007

PART II QUEST FOR KNOWLEDGE ** How I Discovered the Truth How Islam changed my life Misconception - Self-deception PART III ESSAYS *** I am Confused (*) SARS and Other Messages from God US Teenage Murders and Suicides: An Appeal for Islam Defense of Women in Islam Western Style The Catholic Church Its Faith Shaken: Where to Now? Pieces of Our Lives Do Fit Together PART IV ADVISORIES (76) *** Issues about Islamic practices generally Psychological problems generally

Help wanted to choose a marital partner Homosexual issues Use and abuse of the Internet and telephone Problems within the marriage relationship PART V LETTERS ** My Brothers in Islam Letters to Editor Letter to President Fidel Castro* APPENDIX

Troubling problems with the opposite sex outside of marriage

* - Unpublished Pieces ** - Published in the Gulf Times Newspaper in Doha, Qatar *** - Published on Islamweb.net website

A TOUCHED HEART
Perspectives from a Muslims Life

Introduction
Indeed, We offered the Trust to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, and they declined to bear it and feared it; but man [undertook to] bear it. Indeed, he was unjust and ignorant.* (Quran 33:72) * Coveting its reward while forgetting the penalty for failure to keep his commitment. Allahs Messenger (blessings and peace be upon him) said to us: Certainly Al-Amanah (the trust or the moral responsibility or honesty, and all the duties which Allah has ordained) descended from the heavens and settled in the roots of the hearts of men (faithful believers), and then the Quran was revealed and the people read the Quran, (and learnt AlAmanah from it) and also learnt it from the Sunnah. (Both the Quran and As-Sunnah strengthened their (faithful believers) Amanah. (Bukhari) A Touched Heart: Perspectives from a Muslims Life is a compilation of my writings undertaken after I became a Muslim and had acquired some knowledge of the foundation of Islam. The collection is entitled, A Touched Heart: Perspectives from a Muslims Life, because looking back over the years I realize that whether consciously or not my heart has always had a sensitivity to truth and justice, to sympathize with the underdog, the downtrodden, and the needy. My innate disposition whether focused or not has always been seeking the truth (of the matter). I remember my father once asking me as a youngster, Why are you always contradicting everybody? I was seeking the truth even if only in an inquisitive way. For many years I suffered from loneliness and, a lack of a lasting attachment to people in general: my heart was seeking the connection that brings peace that can only be found in Islam with its Lord.

Yet I have come to know that I was not unique in this regard. Allah by His Quran and His Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, makes clear that seeking the truth and accepting its moral responsibility rests with the whole of mankind. I was not alone, although it often seemed that way. The truthseeker is a stranger in any company; he listens to a different drummer. A Touched Heart is an affirmation to all the other truth- seekers out there that they are not alone and that there is peace and joy to be found as a reward for commitment to true guidance. Let your heart, rather than your senses follow its own yearning and it will lead you to the truth of Islam. The touched heart is responsive to the challenges it encounters from the Commands of its Lord, the duties and responsibilities that are thrust upon the faithful believer. To the touched heart the world becomes quite a different place due to new impressions and understandings of it from an Islamic perspective. A Touched Heart is in some way a chronicle of my views as they presented themselves to my emerging consciousness as a Muslim. Abdul Halim Lee Sanaa, Republic of Yemen (June, 2007)

PART I - A PERSPECTIVE

A Tribute to My Mother
When I used to speak of selecting a mate during conversation with my father, he would often say with deep satisfaction and pride, I always wanted to marry a lady. The lady with whom he was so pleased was his wife for more than fifty years and my mother, and the mother of my four brothers and three sisters. One brother and sister died tragically before I was born. I mention their deaths now because, as the father of a grown daughter, I realize that some wounds of parenting may never heal. My mother survived the death of my father by some thirteen years. He was 80 and she 89. Mother passed away nearly 14 years ago on Christmas Eve in 1985. Thoughts and reflections of her bring back across the years special warmth and an ever-deepening appreciation for the mother she was to me. I do not suggest that Mother had a favorite child or favorite son. I dont recall her ever treating any of her children preferentially. She detested wrongdoing by her children and didnt mind telling them so, but there was never any diminishing of her love. To the contrary, it seemed to me that the fallen child was drawn ever closer to her heart for she often shed tears for the perceived lost soul. The strength of her character only increased her concern. My mother was a sensitive person of some artistic talent; she had a beautiful singing voice. She sang on the church choir and loved classical music, although this part of her nature found few opportunities for expression in our household. So devoted was she to her lifelong commitment to marriage and motherhood. To a child it is not granted knowledge of the secret sacrifices that a mother may make on his behalf. To the grateful, obedient child, the harvest of his mothers teachings often reveals the depth of her love and, thus, deepens his gratitude for her.

I cant recount a treasury of childhood memories that especially endear Mother to me, but there have been certain milestones that come to mind. I was Mothers youngest son, and being the youngest, I suppose I was her last boy upon whom she could pin her hopes. I dont recall her ever having said such, but I remember that at the age of twelve, while walking and talking with her, I sensed that she was quite unhappy. I announced then and there that one day I would make her proud of me and make her happy. That resolution became my secret bond between us. I observed in later years that Mother cried easily when thinking of her children and their behavior that she disapproved of. As I reflect upon the meaning of those tears she shed for us, they become even more precious to me. Those tears speak to the heart of Mothers character, the values that she held sacred, and the depth of her concern for her childrens welfare. She was tearful lest the consequences of sin should befall those she held dear. She believed and taught us that God was just and would punish wrongdoing. In her living Mother did not belie her beliefs or her teachings. I am ever grateful for being blessed with such a mother.

MY LIFE REVISITED
PROLOGUE
The scores of years are lengthening now, casting long shadows toward my night, No more beckons the horizon or the distant lofty height. As the mountain peaks I once trod recede to the distant past, I cherish each today, for yesterdays never last. A young lad I am no more, but a daughters father now, Years have turned my hair to gray and wrinkles crown my brow. With my footsteps far more measured and my stride no longer a gait, Now I manage more leisure as the end of years await.

Yahweh, Elohim, and Lord of Hosts is one, But when we studied New Testament, we found He had a son. What to do when one plus one, plus one isnt three? There was no reasonable solution it was a mystery. Had I made a grave mistake, my vocational choice an error, Unless I found the answer soon my life would be filled with terror. On and on I went seeking work here and there; Useless, menial tasks were leading me nowhere. I studied at this university and that, trying to find the light. African studies, philosophy, German, nothing seemed quite right. I tried all that I knew as a stepping stone, Yet I found nothing; no light to me was shown. When finally I realized there was no job, on which I could settle, To drop out, I decided to renew my sense of mettle. So a room I took a short distance from a park, To spend some time in thought sublime, again to make my mark. When confidence in self is on the wane and ego seems diminished, Soul-searching is a pain and life edges toward its finish. Yet inside a spark resides to raise ones head anew, And continue on lifes journey for another mile or two. Opportunity knocks gently, not loudly is its invite, But a glimmer of hope it offers to one who needs its light. The journey from ones grave while living is unsteady to say the least. Each step is tentative assuring recovery will not cease.

THE STRUGGLE
There was a time I went off to war not to fire a single shot, But to serve my time, march to rhyme and sleep on a barrack cot. As a vet I looked for work, but found I lacked the knowledge, So with the GI bill in hand off I went to college. There I burned the midnight oil and studied many texts, While supported by odd jobs, gratis, and government monthly checks. The subjects I liked best were psych and sociology, I wanted to be a Reverend with a degree in theology. With my college degree in hand I entered the school of divinity, There I studied the Bible, church history and the Trinity.

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Grasping handholds offered by people well-intentioned, Helps to raise ones esteem and gratitude is often mentioned. Thus once the heart is steadied, and confidence is no longer nervous, The servant properly guided enters a life of service. So with Social Work as my new goal for a profession, The Master Degree I needed I soon had in my possession. To have a job I really liked, a family and a home, Those were my only goals all I wanted to own. So off to California I drove in my 64 VW in 1966 Along the famous highway known as Route 66. While it winds 2000 miles from Chicago to LA, I went only as far as Sacramento, the capital of CA. There in the old mining town called Ione, I found the work I trained for and temporarily my new home. Working with youngsters in trouble seemed the ideal job for me, I wanted to help them change their lives and get a fresh start when free. To be continued (Dec., 2004)

Passing the Torch: A letter to my daughter

July 22, 2000 P. O. Box 5616 Doha, Qatar Dearest Daughter, I received your letter last week and was happy to hear from you and to hear that you are safe amid the threat of natural disasters there. I pray that you will always be safe and protected from harm. I also hope that you will be successful and able to achieve worthwhile goals that will give you contentment and peace of mind. I have been thinking about this letter and the many things that I want to tell you; I havent thought them through yet, so I dont know exactly how this letter will turn out. I thought Id just start writing and see where it goes. In Islam we dont celebrate birthdays, but in my mind certain days tend to stand out as milestones, so to speak. When your birthday came, I remembered that you are now 28 years old, that 10 years ago you finished at Pennington Prep and 5 years ago you graduated from TSC and that you have now been working for 5 years. Thinking like that sort of opened a trend of thought that Id like to share with you. There is no one else to relate it to you and there are some things that I dont want you to forget. Next year you will be 29 and I will be 70 years old, Allah willing. I remember looking forward to my 50th birthday as an important milestone and I havent anticipated any since then. But, now Im really looking forward to reaching number 70; Ive already reached 70 lunar years, but the 70th solar year would be kind of special. When I was your age, back in 1959, I had no idea that I would live this long, nor had I an inkling of what the future might hold for me. At that time I was working in the post office,

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two years out of Yale and two years to go before entering social work as a career. (My objective had been to secure a job that I enjoyed, have a family and a home, simply that.) You might say it was a time between dreams, one that was abandoned and one that was yet to come. During that period I studied at Johns Hopkins and Howard (Universities) briefly. I mentioned something of this period in the first newspaper article I sent you. I want to digress a bit here to capture a thought that often comes to mind: that is, that my generation may well be the last one that can recall having God-fearing parents, so to speak. This condition is partly due to the cultural idea in the West and America, in particular, that the older generation is out of step, old fashion, suffering from a generation gap, and similar terms which suggest that they have nothing to contribute to today s world, and therefore, need not be respected. What a falsehood and lie to perpetuate upon their succeeding generation. Unfortunately matters are getting worse because of this lack of regard for the continuity of values, lessons and wisdom which the elders have gleaned over the years. This means that each generation following has to reinvent the wheel so to speak, make the same mistakes or worse, and flounder around trying to make sense of it all. What a waste, when many cultures view their old people as their treasures. Each generation stands on the shoulders of the preceding one and those who do not appreciate that fact nor understand it are like a ship without a rudder going wherever the current takes it. I was born during the Great Depression, and was a teenager during World War II. It is a little ironic that you are in Florida trying to establish your future. I remember stories my father used to tell me about how, at age 16, he hopped a freight train from Baltimore and went to Florida to get a start; that was before World War I, when racial hatred and segregation were alive and well in most of the US. He told me about how Black people were lynched in the South, how he used to see bodies of lynched Blacks floating in the rivers there and being eaten by alligators; how white people made our people walk in the gutter when they met them walking on the same side of the street, and how white sheriffs tried to make Blacks confess to crimes that they didnt commit. We didnt have any rights that white people had to respect.

My father went to Florida at sixteen and didnt return to Baltimore, his home, until he was 25; then he went into the army during WWI to fight for so-called freedom there in America as so many young men of color do whenever America needs them. My father went to France and saw combat in an artillery unit. Dad was proud of his service years; he was a gunnery sergeant with only an eighth-grade education. During WWII, he was a volunteer neighborhood air raid warden. At that time we had air raid drills periodically to keep people on the alert. Almost every family had someone serving in the military; your Uncle Bubby was in the army in England. Homes that had a member in service had a flag in the front window with a star for each person who was serving. I was a teenager, trying to make it through school and earning a little money as youngsters did in those days. I remember during WWII, when in Baltimore we were expecting our Black neighborhood to be attacked by rioting whites, my father gathered us in the house and prepared to defend us with the guns he had brought home from the war. I have vivid memories of what it was like living and growing up in a ghetto, in a society closed to aspiring young black people who had hopes and dreams of a better life, many in families that had little means and short on moral support. I remember my mothers mother, my grandmother, who was the daughter of a former slave whom she remembered. My mothers family was from W. Va. And had established a homestead not far from the last home of my parents that we used to visit; their roots there go back over 100 years. My grandparents had a 40 acre farm where my mother and her brothers and sisters were raised. When we were children we used to visit them there; I have so many fond memories of life on their farm. I wasnt a country boy, by any means, but I enjoyed the trouble that city kids can get into when they go to the country. As I recall, my grandfather died in 1948 at the age of 65 or so, shortly after my grandmother was confined to bed from which she never recovered. I was away at Mary Potter High School in North Carolina finishing my last year and I remember going to his funeral

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in West Virginia; it was sad. I had to take a long bus ride back alone. My grandmother died on my birthday in 1968, the year Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated; she was 96 years old and had been bedridden with paralysis for twenty years. She always had a cheery sense of humor. She loved to kid me when I visited, by asking me with a smile, Paul, when are you going to hurry up and do something? She was making reference to a time, some years earlier when I had told my mother that I was going to do something to make her proud of me. (I may have been 12 years old when I said that.) I was living in Sacramento, California at the time of her death. When I was 15, attending my junior year in high school, I started getting into trouble, just enough to be suspended from school for a while. My mother had foresight enough to want me to get away from the negative environment in Baltimore and to attend boarding school. She was able to get me into Mary Potter, a Presbyterian Mission School in Oxford, N. C., where, it turned out, I had enough credits to enter senior year. When I graduated in 1948 at the age of 16, I wanted to attend college, but I didnt know how I was going to get there. Fortunately, after working the summer and saving $75, a friend who graduated with me and was enrolled at Johnson C. Smith in Charlotte, N. C. told me that he could get me in if I wanted to go. It was only two weeks before classes were to begin, but I decided to go. Off I went with $75 my father gave to match my savings, and a trunk full of clothes that no longer fit me. College life in those days was interesting to say the least, especially for me, a struggling youngster of 16. If you entered college, you were considered as a young adult; you were addressed with respect as Mister or Miss and you were expected to conduct yourself as a responsible person. There I was at 16 among WWII veterans as classmates; all of the co-eds were older than I. I was serious for my age and I was likeable, and I was cool, but I was also scared as far as what the future may have held in store for me. I was in college, but I didnt know how long I could afford to stay there or what I wanted to be in life; I just knew I liked to study and wanted a college education.

There were family problems at home and after completing one semester, I returned home. I worked for about six months, helping my father at the church where he was a sexton. There werent many jobs available for bright Black youngsters with a high school diploma in those days. So, like so many other youngsters my age, I volunteered for military service. My brother (your Uncle) Calvin had already enlisted in the Navy at sixteen three years earlier (1946). (I dont think we saw each other more than a half dozen times since then, the last being in 1964). Anyway, on July 5, 1949, I entered the Air Force for a 3 year tour, which was extended another 5 months and 20 days, due to the Korean War breaking out the following summer. I was glad I chose the Air Force, because when the war came, many of the friends I grew up with who were in the Army, went to Korea and never came back. My first 2 years of service were like a nightmare from which I thought Id never wake up; feelings of racial prejudice, hatred and segregation in the military and in the US in general were really demoralizing. I wanted to continue my education, just as the whites in my outfit were doing, but I couldnt because of segregation and prejudice. Finally, I got a chance to ship out, so I went to Guam for the remainder of my time. It wasnt much better, but at least I got away from Texas (1951) and had another kind of experience away from America. If I could have found a country to live in, I would have stayed there rather than return to the US. Returning in November, 1952 was sad; we had enjoyed more respect on Guam than we expected to receive coming back to segregated, prejudiced America. I grew up and matured in the military: I went in as a 17 year old kid, and out a 21 year old, young adult with the GI bill and ready to try a new life. It wasnt easy; in fact, it was a real struggle; I didnt want to live at home anymore. Getting used to civilian life after the Service is tough and I had a period of adjustment, before I decided that I needed to get a college education to accomplish my goals. Aside from the emotional struggle and sacrifice that were tremendous ( another story), I managed to complete 3 1/2 years of college in 3 years (1953-56) and graduated magna cum from

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Morgan in 1956. I remember in 1956 sitting in the twelve-story Sterling Library at Yale University, looking up at the sunlight beaming through stained glass windows and thinking that just four generations ago, my fore-parents were slaves and here I was a student in one of the best universities in the world (as I thought at that time). To me, there was something of historical importance going on; a milestone in my familys history had been reached. I was the first member of my family to attend college and the only one to graduate. All of this was an humbling experience for me, even though I continued to break new ground without anyone to support or guide me; they hadnt been there and didnt know how. So, I graduated from high school at age 16 in 1948, served 3 1/2 years in the Air Force and finally finished college in 1956. Then, it took me another 10 years of struggle to sort things out, going to divinity school, working in the post office, etc. and working and living in a prison in New Jersey for 2 years pursuing a social work education, while acquiring an understanding of the dynamics of my own personality. I had to spend another year in a field placement in Philadelphia because my fieldwork supervisor in NJ became ill and that disrupted my second-year field placement. When I finally received the Masters Degree I was nearly 35 years old. Only then did I feel capable to earning the kind of living that would permit me to marry and support a family. I remember at the age of fifteen that I wanted to be able to marry and have a family. When I finally was able to marry, it was twenty years later; I was 35 years old. I know only too well the meaning of the clich pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and much of that time loneliness was my constant companion. There may have been some fun and good times, but progress came as the result of hard work, sacrifice, and struggle as well as help from others when it counted. Finally, with MSW in hand, I headed for California with all my worldly possessions in my VW bug to begin life as a budding professional. That was in 1966. Now, as I approach my 70th birthday and look back: that was half a lifetime ago. This half has its own struggle and stories that may have

to wait for another day for me to tell. No matter, I have had a rich full life. I have climbed mountains, the peaks of which I never thought I would see, but I did and was able to appreciate the valleys below. I have experienced victories where others thought only of defeat and never even tried. I am so grateful for the wonderful life I have had (and still having). Someday, when you are telling your children about your father, I want you to tell them how I stood on the shoulders of my parents and from there looking back from where they had come I could see the sacrifices they had made going back to the time of slavery. Looking ahead I could see a bright future although the way was not clear, but I believed that with hard work and determination that I could pave a better way for my children and I was willing to try for their sake. You are the recipient of that legacy and I want you to carry on. I want you to tell your children that I believed in the American Dream, and followed it to see its fulfillment and found it to be an empty, hollow shell, all promises and in the end, betrayal of a sacred trust. (You may not understand this part and I hope you never have to find out the hard way.) Tell them that I participated in the civil rights struggle and the peace movement and humanitarian causes of my day. Tell them that real freedom came to me when I returned to the religion of some of our righteous forefathers, Islam, the religion of Prophets Muhammad, Jesus, Moses, Abraham and Noah (may Allah be pleased with them all), and joined the great brotherhood of Muslims throughout the world and wholeheartedly embraced their struggle. Tell them how I returned to Africa, with the intention never to return to America, because it refuses to acknowledge and abide by the laws established by our Creator in Islam. Do not confuse them about Africa being our homeland. Perhaps we were taken from there centuries ago, but, believe me, it is no place to consider as home and I didnt find anywhere that I felt I was truly among my own people. Africans are a tribal people and we are not of their tribe.

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In this regard, I think the feeling that most Black people who live in America have is that we dont belong here, meaning America. No matter how long we live there and no matter what part of the country we live in, we cant shake that feeling. It stays with us, and no matter how hard we try to forget it or to believe otherwise, the culture of white America just wont let us, because they dont want us. The few white Americans whom I have met who dont have the feeling that they are better than nonwhites are Muslims. Wherever I have traveled outside of the West, I have not had that feeling that I dont belong here. I may have felt as a stranger, but not that feeling which is peculiar to being non-white in the West. The reality is that western culture makes non-whites, especially people of color, to feel unwelcome; they cant help it, it is in their hearts. They cant change it; only Islam can do that. You mentioned in your letter that you somehow sense that you are about to experience a new beginning. I truly hope so; I feel that way also. Trust your feelings of optimism and joy for the future and be willing to try new things, to dream new dreams and jettison old baggage. Open new doors; walk on! The joy of living begins with a profound appreciation for what one has, with the innumerable blessings the Creator has bestowed upon us. That is a good place to begin anew in all things. So, my dear daughter, I have said just about all that I can in one letter. This has taken me a few days to write, but I am happy for this opportunity to pull so much together and relate it to you. May Allah guide you to His Truth and protect you. He is able to do all things, and I am so far away. I love you and always want the best for you. Your father (Abu)

PART II QUEST FOR KNOWLEDGE

QATAR May 14-15, 1998 WEEKLY GULF TIMES

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QUEST FOR KNOWLEDGE

By Amjad Khan TAKE your religion seriously because you live only once. These thought-provoking words were uttered by an American national who had taken Islam to heart. Abdul Halim Lee has, indeed, taken religion so seriously that he left his native New Jersey to learn more about Islam and live among Muslim brothers outside the United States. And his thirst for knowledge and a burning desire to learn the Arabic language have brought him to Qatar. Abdul Halim, who became a Muslim in November 1992, has in fact been on a knowledge-seeking trail ever since he retired in 1995 as a sociologist at the Department of Corrections in Yardville, New Jersey. He came to Qatar last February from the Gambia where he stayed for two years. Prior to that, he was in Khartoum for a few weeks. Abdul Halims long journey to find the Straight Path has taken him from traditional Christianity to atheism and Buddhism and finally Islam his much sought-after destination. (See his story on The Spirit of Truth Page 13). I did not seek to become a Muslim. I had sought the Truth and The Truth has led me here, says Abdul Halim. Ever since his early adulthood, his voice of reason and conscience had been seeking to discover Truth and would not be content with anything short of it.

Being born and brought up in a non-Islamic environment, Abdul Halims long quest ended with taking the Shahada: There is no god but Allah; Mohammad is His Messenger. In his bid to seek a totally new life in Islam, Abdul Halim left the United States for Sudan in November 1995 after ending his marriage of 26 years. During his 10-week stay in Khartoum when he realized that housekeeping was a problem he decided to remarry. Students at the International Islamic University in Khartoum recommended a certain Muslim woman for possible marriage. She was a divorcee living in the Gambia for years with her children. When Abdul Halim reached the Gambia in January 1996 he found to his disappointment that she had just been remarried. While in the Gambia, Abdul Halim met an American lady and married her. His present wife, who had been raised as a Catholic, also reverted to Islam some 25 years ago. Apart from his remarriage there, the Gambian trip did not benefit Abdul Halim much as he could not find an Arabic teacher in Serrekunda where he lived. Abdul Halim decided to come to Qatar after an American Muslim friend recommended that his visit here would, Insha Allah, prove worthwhile. So here I am, he said. At present, Abdul Halim is studying Arabic at a centre run by the Awqaf department in Doha. However, he is facing a little difficulty with his multiple entry visa. Since he is over 60, he is not being allowed to work and he has to go out of the country every month. He and his wife meet their expenses out of his pension in America. I would love to settle here, but of course you need a proper job to keep you going, he said.

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HOW I DISCOVERED THE TRUTH

Abdul Halim Lee
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds.

While there, I again pondered the idea of a religious vocation, perhaps as a foreign missionary. But, it was not until my college years, following military service during the Korean War era, that I began to take religion seriously as an adult. In l956 with a bachelor degree in hand, I entered divinity school in search of all the truth and divine knowledge that I was certain Id find there. To say that I was disappointed at years end would be a gross understatement: even today looking back I believe the year I spent in divinity school was among the most painful of my life. Simply stated, I had entered divinity school firmly believing in the traditional basic tenets of Christianity and left feeling that the authenticity of Christianity as revealed religion was in doubt and at best, had to be taken on blind faith. The documented evidence supporting the religion was questionable and opens to a variety of interpretations and opinions. In addition, it became clear that many of the tenets of the religion had been derived from political and historical expediency rather than upon the teachings of Prophet Jesus (peace be upon him). The pillars of my faith had been shaken to their foundations! My struggle was that of finding a faith to live by and of making a vocational choice; for me, the two were intertwined, inseparable. For the next several years, I worked to support myself, studied philosophy and sociology at two universities, and in general, tried to piece together what I could of my past experience and education. In that way, I hoped that a new light would dawn and my life would have real meaning again. By late l960, with no focus in sight and my inner energies exhausted, I dropped out, supported by savings and unemployment benefits. I continued my job search, but nothing appealed to me, in my need for a life-long commitment. I had a room, a short walk from a park where I spent many hours in the open enjoying the sights and sounds of wooded life, birds, animals, and a break from city life in general. In a way, it was a time of healing.

The best answer to that question How did you become a Muslim? for the Muslim is by the Grace of Allah. The question usually, however, is inquiring about other information as well. For example, being an American, what circumstances led you to accept Islam? Were you born a Muslim? What other religion were you in before coming to Islam? Then, during the process of answering these questions, others are raised, such as: Are you the only Muslim in your family? How did your family take your becoming a Muslim? Do you have children, etc? What I intend to do in this story is address these questions and related issues about how I became a Muslim. In a real way, my story is an outline of my search for Truth. My assumed Muslim name is Abdul Halim Lee. I was born of AfricanAmerican parents in America in the l930s. My parents were Christians, pious Christians, I would say, and my brothers and sisters were all raised in the church, so to speak. From my earliest childhood, I can remember my mother always putting us to bed while reading childrens stories from the Bible, seeing that we said our prayers, and tucking us into bed with much motherly affection. Weekly attendance in Sunday school and church was a family habit, a ritual observed by one and all, and not to be missed unless due to illness, etc., or dire consequences would befall the one who failed to attend. By the age of 12, the idea that I would become a Christian minister seemed to have taken root. When I was 15, I left public school and attended a Christian school from which I graduated the following year.

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A need to share some of what I had learned with young people and my desire to live a wholesome life led to my teaching Sunday school and attending church once again. In fact, my re-engagement in these activities became so engrossing that I considered once again the possibility of re-entering the Christian ministry. I had all of the support necessary to launch a promising career. But still I hesitated: I could not make the final commitment. Among the factors that influenced my decision were:1) I had become much more familiar with the inner workings of the church as an organization; 2) I had gained first-hand knowledge of the moral character, or lack thereof, of the organizations leadership and, 3) I had a job as a social worker which greatly appealed to me. I chose to become a professional social worker, entered graduate school, and began a career of service that lasted over 30 years. With this decision however, I made another one: that is, that religion is not a dynamic, driving force behind human motivation, at least not a primary one. Instead, according to much of social work theory, self-interest is a leading contender for first place. At any rate, for my spiritual needs, I had tried traditional Christianity and had found it wanting. Now I entered into a period in which I became a practicing atheist. (It was the l960s, the Vietnam War, and the social revolution in America were underway.) By mid-l973, the glowing promises of the l960s, the civil rights movement, the Flower generation, my years in California (especially San Francisco) were over, and I was living in the Washington, DC area. I had married, had a baby daughter to raise, was unemployed and spiritually dead. Inside, I felt like a dried up, barren wasteland. My denial of a Supreme Being, no matter how sincere, had only opened the door to a life pursuing satisfactions of little lasting gratification. I was in dire need of a spiritual renewal desperately and I knew it. Almost immediately I became actively involved with two nontraditional oriented religious organizations:1) a Christian church group which combined some traditional teachings with Eastern concepts, notably

reincarnation, and 2) a group centered in parapsychology and theosophy, or what was called spiritual science. Within this latter group could be found practitioners called psychics, faith healers, astrologers, readers of tarot, and people interested in what may be considered the paranormal. I was a respected member of both groups (membership in one did not preclude membership in the other) and I became a student for one semester in the latter. One concept shared by these two groups which appealed to me was that the Prophet Jesus (peace be upon him) was not viewed as a saviorgod. This point was extremely important to me because I had long had difficulty accepting the notion of a man being god, or of God being a man. In addition, both these groups stressed the importance of the human being taking personal responsibility for his spiritual growth and moral actions; that is of not relying upon an intercessor for salvation. My affiliation with both these groups ended when I moved from the area. By then I was already reading widely in the field of religion generally, and about Tibetan Buddhism in particular. Through the Tibetan embassy in New York, I became aware of a Buddhist community not far from my New Jersey residence and proceeded to contact the teacher there for lessons. He graciously agreed to give me some basic instruction in meditation, which I practiced intermittently for a number of years. The appeal of Buddhism for me was its high ethical system, relative simplicity to practice, demand for discipline, and its emphasis upon harmony and helpfulness. Since I believed in reincarnation at that time, I was especially desirous of finding a way to avoid returning to the life of this world and escaping damnation in the afterlife. There is no deity in Buddhism; it is a man-made ethical system, not a revealed religion. I continued to experience a moral struggle which my limited practice of Buddhism failed to resolve, but I did not feel that more rigorous practice would guarantee me the goals which I sought; yet, in the absence of a

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better way, I continued to practice and to read widely. In fact, Joseph Campbell, the guru of mythology, had many books, tapes of interviews and lectures, publications, etc., on the market. I acquired, read and examined many of these, seeking the path most suitable for me. I also read excerpts from many of the holy books of other religions. Wherever my investigation led me, there I would find some truth; something that raised my sight a bit. But, the horizon always loomed off in the distance. During this period, I was working in a prison in America where, among my other duties, I supervised the social work staff and two units housing inmates. Another employee was a Muslim chaplain (Imam) who provided service to the Muslim inmates. He and I developed a relationship during the normal course of our duties. Occasionally we discussed religion and he began to advocate Islam. My earliest references to Islam had been what I had heard about the Nation of Islam, Malcolm X, Elijah Mohamed, Louis Farrakhan, etc, none of which had ever held any appeal to me. In fact, all of my exposure to Islam, especially in the media (television, movies, newspapers, radio, publications) had been negative and turned me away from considering Islam. So, when Islam became the focus of our conversation, I would gently turn it aside, with worldly wisdom suggesting that it was one of many religions. Then one day, it occurred to me that I was in search of something, a religion that held the answers for me. I recalled an expression I had read somewhere that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I began to view my new friend in a different light, to listen to him carefully, and weigh what he had to say about Islam. I suppose, he may have appreciated my new seriousness because one day he handed me a book and asked have you ever read this? (It was a Yusuf Ali translation of the Quran) I told him that I had not, but I would certainly do so, as soon as I had finished the book I was currently reading. He asked only that I show respect for the book; to keep it clean, not to place it on the floor, etc. I told him that I would do as he had requested.

True to my word, after completing the other work, I began to read the translation of the Quran. Immediately I was captivated by the authority of the Speaker, and by the grandeur of the poetic nature of the work. There was no doubt that the Deity was the Author of this book. I read the book slowly, as is my habit when I read religious works; I want to think about the content and digest the lessons being taught. As I read the translation, I found myself being reacquainted with many familiar figures from the Old Testament with a new freshness and clarity of their mission and message. More importantly, the life, person and message of Prophet Jesus (peace be upon him) were affirmed. He was conceived miraculously by a virgin; he was sent as a messenger to the Children of Israel to affirm the Law; he performed miracles by Allahs permission, i.e. he healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, raised the dead, etc. He was a servant of Allah, whom Allah spared from death and raised in body and soul unto Him in the heavens. This new knowledge (for me) placed Christianity in its proper perspective for me and I felt that many of the old conflicts had been resolved at long last. Whenever my friend and I met, we had long discussions about my reading, my thoughts about it, etc. We both were very glad that we had found someone to talk to in the prison setting; our work became much easier as we began to support and encourage each other through the days. When I finally finished the translation, I consciously decided that I could not deny what I had read; I might as well affirm it. I had never been to a mosque nor had I received instruction in the religion. I did not seek to become a Muslim. I had sought the Truth and The Truth had led me here. I took Shahada in one of the prison offices with my friend and another witness. In those few moments in November of l992 I became a Muslim.

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How Islam changed my life

(June, l998)
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds

I seek the refuge of Allah from Satan, the accursed

My Early Life in Islam

In my previous article, I discussed my long journey to find the Straight Path which took me from traditional Christianity to atheism through Buddhism and finally Islam. Prior to my becoming a Muslim, my contacts with Muslims an Islam had been limited. I had met several Muslims through my employment at the prison in New Jersey, USA. I had also mingled with a few students in an Arabic course that I was taking. I had made a careful first reading of the Yusuf Ali translation of the Noble Quran, and I had read some basic material explaining Islam in general. I had never been to a mosque nor had I received any instruction in Islam. When I took the Shahada (There is no god but Allah; Muhammad is His Messenger) in November, 1992, I crossed the threshold into a new life. In this article I want to talk about some of the teachings of Islam which greatly influenced me and the changes they brought in my life. Since I must be brief, I have selected only a handful, which may be especially important to non-Muslims and Muslims living in the West. If someone benefits from these reflections from my life, then it has been worth the telling. All praise is due to Allah. During the first few weeks or so of my reversion to Islam my observable behavior changed very little. I continued to have in-depth discussions

about Islam with my Muslim friend at work. These talks provided guidance and affirmation of the rightness of Islam. Outside of the small circle of Muslims already mentioned no one knew that I was a Muslim. My inner life and commitment to Islam however demanded much more; I felt the need for the spiritual nourishment that comes through religious instruction, fellowship with believers, and most importantly through prayer. Yet I lacked the adequate means to accomplish these ends; I had no mosque to attend, although one was being reorganized. I was given Islamic materials to read and invited to seek assistance whenever I needed it. In addition, I did not know how to pray properly. Although I received encouragement from the brothers who introduced me to Islam, I suffered much during this period. Eventually, I receive help in learning to pray and I began to feel sustained comfort in the religion. I later learned that the lack of guidance for new Muslims in America is quite common. Many American-born Muslim reverts experience the ordeal of finding a mosque, getting proper basic instruction and receiving on-going support that new Muslims require to become grounded in the religion. In addition, Muslims there are relatively small in number (6 million), are highly concentrated in some urban areas, and are sparsely located in others. Also, many Muslims who have the correct knowledge of Islam often do not have the time beyond their jobs to devote to the needs of new Muslims. Many are also working for the Ummah in other ways. Assistance to new Muslims is but one of the many areas requiring attention in America. Another plight which I share with so many Muslims, especially in America, is that of being the only Muslim in the family. I could not share with other family members the joy that I experienced in Islam, of finding the Truth after so many years of searching. Bearing this feeling of difference and separation from family members and friends, I learned is but one test of many which the believer experiences during his lifetime. The anguish caused by this division however is more than compensated for by the satisfaction gained after embracing Islam.

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I will try to explain those which were most gratifying almost immediately. First, the assurance that the Quran in the Arabic language is THE WORD OF GOD, divinely revealed to Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) who could neither read nor write. All scholarly investigations authenticate that the Quran is the Word of God as no other existing book can claim to be. The Quran with the Sunnah or hadith (statements of the Prophet, (sallallaah alayhe wa sallam) provide the Divine blueprint for all mankind and jinn in their individual and communal lives (Quran 25:1) My confidence was heightened by the certainty that the guidance for mankind had been firmly established by the CreatorHimself in a book available to all. I may be new and feeling my way as a new Muslim, but, at least, I am on the right track headed in the right direction; that is my conviction. Second, the identity and role of the human being are made clear: man is created by Allah, sustained by Allah, and destined to return to Allah. Man, created to serve as Allahs vicegerent on earth (Quran 2:30, 6:165), has had subjected to him by Allah whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth (31:20). Allah is the Sustainer of all that exists (2:255). And unto Allah will man and all things return (3:28, 53:24, 96:8). In addition, Allah has created mankind from a single male and female, and then made them into nations and tribes that we may know one another. The most honorable in the Sight of Allah is that believer who is pious and righteous, fears Allah by avoiding sins and evil deeds and loves Allah by doing good deeds which He has ordained (49:13). These Quranic references serve to underscore that Allah alone has established man and mans purpose on earth and makes clear those who have highest status on the planet. The religion of Islam provides a place from which to view the world around us in a fresh light, from the perspective which Allah has given us to know ourselves, as individuals and as communities. As a Muslim

I had more that 1,000 million brothers and sisters from every part of this earth. I had a feeling of oneness which I wanted to share with them. All other artificial barriers and distinctions separating us, i.e.nationality, race, language, status, had fallen away. Third, the prohibitions for human behavior are made clear and emphatic. The moral code of conduct prescribed for mankind forbids first and foremost taking for worship anything or anyone other than Allah (3:191-2, 43:84); unrepentance leads to Hellfire. Other major prohibited acts include engaging in usury or interest (2:275), illegal sexual intercourse (17:32, 24:2, 19), gambling and using intoxicants (5:90), and killing another human being (5:32, 17:33). Here the immediate benefit for me was the resolution of the conflict between certain identified legally approved behaviors versus morally prohibited, character-destroying behaviors. Clearly revering or regarding another as equal to, as, or higher than Allah is forbidden be it parents, brothers, spouse, children, wealth, possessions, etc. (9:24). In addition, I had to reflect upon what it meant to buy a house with a mortgage, to use credit cards or to engage in interest-bearing transactions of any kind. Involvement with usury, sexual provocation, gambling and using intoxicants is commonplace in America. Once considered vices, they have been made almost irresistible by marketing techniques and the media. The fact that these acts are condemned by Allah strengthened my resolve to avoid them and seek Allahs protection from them. Fourth, the certainty of the Day of Judgment (3:30) when every person will be accountable for his thought, words, actions, and intentions gave me a sense of urgency to learn more about Islam and its practical application in my life. The knowledge that Hell (11:119) as well as Paradise (85:11) is a reality created by Allah helped me focus upon fear of Allahs punishment and hope for His Mercy to forgive me of my transgressions. Again and again in the Quran Allah describes Himself as Most Gracious, Most

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Merciful and calls mankind to seek His Mercy that He may forgive man of his sins. Why? So that man may not be deceived by the life of this world which is nothing but play and amusement (6:32), and focus upon the Hereafter (93:9, 87:17). Allah promises that the believers and good-doers will enter Paradise (78:31-36) and that the disbelievers and evil-doers will enter Hell (78:2130). I could not help but be awed by Allahs justice: right and wrong will be judged, i.e. rewarded or punished. Mans arrogance and rebellion against his Creator, Most Gracious, Most Merciful will be condemned and punished (20:111). Contrary to much prevailing opinion in America, God is not so loving that He will overlook evil and treat everyone the same because of their beliefs (2:255). Nor shall any bearer of burdens bear anothers burdens (35:18). I heard the threat (!) and heeded the warning! Fear of Allahs punishment is the beginning of wisdom; with wisdom comes the fear of offending Allah out of love for Him. Hope of Allahs Mercy leads also to obedience and doing good deeds to please Him. In addition, fear and hope lead to compassion, calling others to Allah and away from the Hellfire. Fifth, family life, instituted by Allahs will, is the basis for human (Islamic) society (4:1, 2:27). The Quran makes clear the sanctity of the family and with it the respective roles of the man (husband, father, provider, protector) of the woman (wife, mother, teacher) and the children (obedient and respectful of parents and each other). In addition, we are given the ideal model to follow by the life and teaching of the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam). The family life of

Prophet Muhammad (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam) is the perfect model for the human family. The man as husband and father is the provider and protector for his wife and children and, as such, is the head of the family. He is responsible for his family and they have rights over him. The woman is wife and mother of the children for whom she has responsibility to teach and to train in proper behavior and manners. The husband and wife in consultation with each other form the leadership for the family each member of which has responsibilities and rights over the other. Prior to coming to Islam, I had tried to approximate this model as my ideal for my family (with wife and daughter). But, without the Quran and Islam as our guide we lived as though by an arrangement based upon individual expectations. We had no mutually agreed upon commitment to family living as a unit for Allahs pleasure alone; it was for our pleasure. I did not try to impose Islam upon my family rather efforts were made to have me abandon my beliefs. Neither of us would yield and within two years, following my retirement, my performing Hajj, and our daughters graduation from college, our marriage was dissolved and we each went our separate ways. With prayer and Allahs guidance, within weeks (Nov. 1995) I was in Sudan having migrated for Allahs sake. I am grateful to Allah for the opportunity to serve His religion and to call others to do so.

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MISCONCEPTION - SELF DECEPTION

Abdul Halim Lee & Kamal Al-Deleimy June 4, 2003

A long, long life a man may live In health and wealth he may reside His hand outstretched to take or give Incoming, outgoing as the tide But to his life can he add one day Each one leading to his grave Perhaps an excuse, a pause or delay Due to rank, his wealth, or opinion gave He may bore through mountains And explore unfathomed depths He may envision virtual portends And manipulate genetic concepts But a big mans a little man before a microbe Harmful, lethal, hardly detectable Elusive, evasive to medical probe Old knowledge, old cures ineffectual Like a majestic bird hes in the sky His metal talks, walks, calculates Hes strong, intelligent, and never shy While others rights he misappropriates As though a deity he does behave To seize, offend but fears not the bar Forgetting hes a creature and a slave To God hell answer one day not far Then the scales, deeds heavy or light Upon his countenance a smile or tears Gardens of bliss, or Hell-fires fright Judgment day! Eternal years! 36 37

PART III ESSAYS

I AM CONFUSED
(February 1999)

I must confess that reading the news headlines these days leaves me confused as I try to make sense of what Im being told, especially about the state of conflict in the world today. I suppose part of my problem is that I grew up in America prior to and during World War Two. At that time there was a US government agency called The War Department and, its business, as its name implies, was clearly to conduct matters dealing with warfare. In those days war was easily understood: it was all-out conflict between your country and countries that were trying to destroy yours. There was no need to make distinctions about offense or defense (todays football terminology) because killing the enemy (people of the opposing forces) was justified and accepted. As a result the nation was being defended. The logic was simple and straightforward. Another aspect of my confusion could be that in the old days, armed conflict between countries was called war and when the US was engaged in war, the Congress declared that such a state of conflict existed between the nation and its opponent. Everyone knew that the nation and its national interest, perhaps even constitutional government (sometimes called freedom) was under attack. Then, the citizenry were taken into the confidence of its leaders who explained the national crisis and the people, in turn, understood it and mobilized their resources to meet the existing challenge and defeat their enemy. Then, shortly following World War Two something happened. The War Department was abolished; it became the Department of Defense. With the transformation from War Department to Department of Defense another strange phenomenon occurred: it seems the US was never again to engage in war (as declared by Congress). War, as it was commonly known, had become a police action, a crisis, a military action, a presidential initiative, anything except war. In addition, unlike in football where both sides have offense and defense, with the creation of the Department of Defense, it seems US offensive or aggressive military intentions were a

thing of the past. Since that time, the image- makers would have us believe that the US only reacted militarily (i.e. defensively) to forces hostile to it, or, in accordance to what has been purported to be in the national interest. In this sense, the US acted militarily against another nation only because the other guy started it first, so to speak. Today, we are told that US and British planes are dropping bombs on Iraq (in an undeclared war by the way), and if the Iraqi forces fire back, the pilots have a right to defend themselves. Further witness what is happening in Iraq. We are told that the USimposed economic sanctions leading to starvation and death for masses of the population are not acts of war. We are told that bombing civilians with high tech military weaponry is not warfare; it is collateral damage. We are told that the people being bombed are not the enemy; they are being bombed for their own benefit, to bring down their leader. We are told that the population of the country of Iraq, unlike populations of other countries the US has been at war with in the past, is not the enemy, but only its leader, Saddam Hussain. In the midst of the confusion created by todays newspeak, I am again reminded of childhood entertainment in the days of the War Department when war was called war. In those days there were comic books in which the super heroes were Superman, Batman, Captain Marvel, and The Lone Ranger, among others. Single-handedly they pitted themselves against criminal elements and often against super foes to defend society, or even the planet. What we are told in the Iraqi situation is that in comic book fashion, a lone sinister individual is challenging the single most powerful nation in history, the only remaining super power, and the entire international community (the whole world), and that unless he is destroyed, he will prevail. Why destroy a people that are not the enemy, a nation that is not at war, in order to destroy one person, its leader? The answers to these questions and the motives behind such actions suggest something far more diabolical than, in my confused state, I dare to even imagine.

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SARS and Other Messages from God

By: Abdul Halim Lee & Kamal Al-Deleimy

Causation of natural phenomena

In secular societies the causality of natural disasters or physical adversity is usually limited to scientific explanation, or to an amorphous entity, such as Mother Nature, or Father Time. Public policy in secular societies does not admit a deity active in creation and therefore such a concept is a matter of personal conviction, not to be taken seriously in the public life of the community. In other words, the conduct of the citizenry of such societies has no bearing upon physical phenomena whether favorable or unfavorable; the explanation for their circumstances rests solely within the scope of science. In some other societies, however, where the Deity is supreme and believed to be active in creation, there is a much different understanding about the relationship between the welfare of the community, catastrophic events and social morality. Scientific explanation of causality is of lesser importance. Do events occur in our lives that seem to defy explanation? Are messages being sent to us about the relationship between our ethical behavior and phenomena that may determine our quality of life as individuals and as a race? Perhaps a brief look at these issues will provide some answers.

SARS first appeared in southern China about two months ago and subsequently has accounted for over 5000 infections and 500 or more deaths across some 26 countries. SARS has rocked Asian markets, ruined the tourist trade, almost driven airlines to bankruptcy, and spread fear throughout many of the worlds largest countries. To TV viewers seeing people wearing protective masks has almost become an accepted fashion in some countries. The distinctive traits of the disease have now become known, including the fact that the causative virus has mutated into another strain. Also, its various methods of transmission have been identified, thus suggesting ways leading to its prevention. So the scientific community has established a cause for SARS, and its cure may be in sight.

Other linkages between diseases

But are there other linkages to the disease, its effects and other cures? Aids and syphilis, for example, are two sexually transmitted diseases that have been spreading havoc all over the globe. What might be the connection between these diseases, their occurrence, as well as their cure? The last Prophet of God, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him) warned us more than 14 centuries ago of the unprecedented diseases that would break out as a consequence of illicit sexual intercourse. He said: if ever immorality (adultery and fornication) spreads in a community and there is no sense of shame on its occurrence or mentioning it, diseases which were not present in the time of their predecessors will spread among them [Ibn Majah and others] Deduced from this example we see that virtue and morality contribute to both the prevention and the cure of these and similarly caused diseases. The Quran (the scripture) divinely revealed to Prophet Muhammad is the supreme source of guidance, morality, and wisdom for mankind. The Quran sets forth the moral imperatives for mans life on Earth how he

SARS
In 2003 with war raging in Iraq and the global economy hovering between stagnation and recession, SARS erupted in the headlines with portents of gloom and doom across the planet. A new disease of unknown origin, SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) was not yet in our vocabulary, but like AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) it began to spread unchecked from country to country.

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should live, the dos and donts and the rewards of bliss and torment in this life and in the life to come, as well as other benefits. Allah Says in the Quran: We send down (stage by stage) in the Quran that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe; to the unjust it causes nothing but loss after loss. [Quran 17:82]

but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity say: Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return. [Quran 3:155-156]

Effects of sin
Among the signs of Allah upon which we can reflect are all natural catastrophes like floods, earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanic eruptions, etc. In them there are great lessons and principles related by the Quran, for they could be punishments from Allah (God) for those who deny the right path by causing harm to their fellowman and spreading injustice in the land. The story of Prophet Noah and the flood is an historic example of Allahs punishment by natural disaster. The Quran reports this event: Because of their sins they were drowned (in the flood), and were made to enter the Fire (of Punishment), and they found in lieu of Allah none to help them. [Quran 71:25]

Allahs Omnipotence
In addition, adverse conditions may serve as reminders or indications of Allahs Omnipotence. They act as messages to man, reminding him of his reality his mortality, finiteness, dependence, his need to worship, and finally, the grave. In the current age when technology seems to reign supreme in mans estimation, Allah warns us: Say: He has power to send torment on you from above or from under your feet, or to cover you with confusion in party strife, and make you to taste the violence of one another. [Quran 6:65] Lastly, Allah warns: And how many a generation (past nations) have We destroyed before them who were stronger in power than they. [Quran 50:36] Have we gotten the message?

Other adverse conditions

On the other hand, some adverse conditions defy logical explanation scientific, or otherwise. Suffering, hardship, and adversity may befall man for reasons unknown to him. Adversity in its many forms may happen to believing people as a test. Allah may test His servants with distress, sickness, hunger, cares, poverty, or any other affliction to strengthen their faith, expiate their sins, or elevate their ranks in the next life. He Says regarding those who were wavering between belief and disbelief: but Allah might test what is in your breasts; and to purify that which was in your hearts (sins), and Allah is All-Knower of what is in (your) breasts. [Quran 3:154] In another place, Allah Says to the believers: And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits,

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U. S. TEENAGE MURDERS AND SUICIDES: AN APPEAL FOR ISLAM

(July 2, 1998)

A short time ago one could hardly pickup a newspaper without seeing headlines stating that more school children in the United States are shooting their classmates, teachers, or anyone in sight, and more tragically, their own parents (e.g. Kipland Kinkel and Luke Woodham). In addition to these homicides, more and more teenagers are committing suicide. Understandably the public is shocked and dismayed at the tragic loss of so many lives and the suffering inflicted upon so many families. Frustration and confusion as to their causes and prevention continues to mount as one gruesome occurrence is soon followed by another. Statistics show a disproportionate number of gun-related deaths in the United States compared to other countries, and increasingly kids are carrying firearms to school. Suicide among teenagers is also increasing at an alarming rate. U. S. President Bill Clinton, in a recent speech, stated that many U. S. school children have a combustible combination of inner rage, access to guns and a culture of lots and lots and lots of violence. Whatever the causes, none of the current proposals to prevent this mounting, tragic loss of life seem to work. One segment of the public sees the ready availability of firearms as a cause of the problem and seeks support for more gun control laws and for stringent enforcement of those already on the books. Another segment calls for more parental control and a return to family values. It has even been suggested that Americans must be alert to the early warning signs in troubled young people and try to get them some help. No one, however, has clearly explained exactly how these proposed solutions would effectively prevent these acts from happening. It is also worth mentioning that some people are demanding that in the case of youthful homicide (murder) the age limit for applying the death sentence should be lowered to include even younger offenders.

These proposed solutions, however well-intentioned they may be, contain a common element which gives a clue as to why they are not likely to work: None of them address self-control by the person who wants to commit the act. For example: First, if guns were not available, then they cannot be used to maim or kill. Second, if parents raised their children properly or, if the family was the right kind of family, then these things wouldnt happen. Third, if someone acted quickly enough when the symptoms of trouble were known, tragedy could be averted. Finally, if there were more severe penalties, the person committing the act of homicide could be executed. These approaches to the recent spree of teenage murders and suicides miss the central message which these acts seem to convey: In some distorted way, these young people are saying that they want to be put out of their misery. In effect, they kill because they want to be killed. They assume that the cure for a life considered not worth living to be the grave. Their actions suggest that death is the final and absolute end of life! The act of killing a human being, including oneself, is viewed as having no consequences beyond this life or, even if there were, nothing could be worse than their current troubled existence. Teenagers may not be alone in these views of life and death. There are responsible adults in the United States (e. g Michigan), and in other Western countries, who are seeking approval as a matter of public policy, to help old people, sick people to die, even if it means helping them to kill themselves to get them out of their misery. Clearly, Islam has a different view of life and death, living and dying, and the suffering and struggle we all share in some way as human beings here on earth. To approach the brink of desperation and despair is not new in human experience; many people have had similar experiences. Some individuals may have those feelings many times within a lifetime. What may be unique today is feeling hopeless is so widespread and the drastic action people in large numbers take when it occurs.

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Obviously, any persons, young or old, who are a danger to themselves or others, must be restrained or deterred from harming anyone, including their own selves. The crisis must be contained and steps need to be taken to return to a more benign state of normalcy. At some point (better late than never), all people need to know that death (the grave) is neither the end of life nor the end of accountability for ones actions. In fact, the torment of the grave and in the Hereafter is much worse than anything that we can possibly imagine. Only a brief reference to what awaits the soul destined for Hell will be made here for the purpose of discussion. In the Qur an Allah tells us that there are angels who pull out the souls of the disbelievers and the wicked with great violence (79:1). He also says that: If you could see when the angels take away the souls of those who disbelieve (at death), they smite their faces and their backs, (saying): Taste the punishment of the blazing Fire. This is because of that which your hands had forwarded. And verily, Allah is not unjust to His slaves. (8: 50-51). On the basis of belief and good deeds, some people suffer from death whereas others do not. Peace and torture in the grave are facts. Those who are going to dwell in Paradise shall be at peace in their graves and those who are going to be among the inmates of Hell shall be tortured in their graves. (40:46). Again, a brief description of Hell (to make the point), the Holy Quran says: Nay! Verily, he will be thrown into the Crushing Fire. And what will make you know what the crushing Fire is? The fire of Allah, kindled, which leaps up over the hearts. Verily, it shall be closed in on them, in pillars stretched forth (i.e. they will be punished in the Fire with pillars; etc. (Quran, 104: 4-9). Verily, the tree of Zaqqum, will be the food of the Sinners, like boiling oil, it will boil in the bellies, like the boiling of scalding water. (44: 43-46).

Of the tree of Zaqqum (a horrible tree in Hell), Allah says: Truly We have made it (as) a trial for the Zalimun (polytheists, disbelievers, wrongdoers, etc.) Verily, it is a tree that springs out of the bottom of Hell-Fire, the shoots of its fruit-stalks are like the heads of devils; truly, they will eat thereof and fill their bellies therewith. Then on the top of that they will be given boiling water to drink so that it becomes a mixture (of boiling water and Zaqqum in their bellies). Then thereafter, verily, their return is to the flaming fire of Hell (37: 62-68). The reader may ask, Why the gloom and doom? What is the point? Simply this: If we are going to stop this mad rush by young people to send others and themselves to the grave, we need to start convincing them (and ourselves) of the consequences of their behavior and warn them that there is no need to hurry there. We need to understand and to teach them the reality of death and about life in the Hereafter. Providing this information is part of their education to instill self-control and to teach them how to live! If they can bear with patience the life of this world, there is hope for the better life, which is eternal (87: 17). Yes! There is life after our death here. Allah says it is true. Examples are numerous in the Holy Quran, of which the following are but a few: And they say: When we are bones and fragments (destroyed), should we really be resurrected (to be) a new creation? ... Be you stones or iron, ... or some created thing that is yet greater. .. Then, they will say: Who shall bring us back (to life)? ... He Who created you first! (17: 49-51). When we are dead and have become dust and bones, shall we (then) verily be resurrected? And our fathers of old? Yes, and you shall then be humiliated. (37: 16-18). And man (the unbeliever) says: When I am dead, shall I then be raised up alive? Does not man remember that We created him before, while he was nothing? (19: 66-67).

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O mankind! If you are in doubt about the resurrection, then verily! We have created you (i.e. Adam) from dust, then from a Nutfah (mixed drops of male and female sexual discharge i.e. offspring of Adam), then from a clot (a piece of thick coagulated blood) then from a little lump of flesh, some formed and some unformed (miscarriage), that We may make it clear to you. And We cause whom We will to remain in the wombs for an appointed term, then We bring you out as infants, then (give you growth) that you may reach your age of full strength. And among you there is he who is brought back to the miserable old age, so that he knows nothing after having known. And you see the earth barren, but when We send down water (rain) on it, it is stirred (to life), it swells and puts forth every lovely kind (of growth). That is because Allah, He is the Truth, and it is He Who gives life to the dead, and it is He who is Able to do all things. And surely, the Hour is coming, there is no doubt about it, and certainly, Allah will Resurrect those who are-in the graves. (22:5-7). When we return to our Lord, our Creator, Sustainer, and Final Destination, we want Him to be pleased with us. The prohibition against the wrongful killing of a human being is quite clear: . . . (I)f anyone killed a person not in retaliation of murder, or to spread mischief in the land - it would be as if he killed all mankind, and if anyone saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of all mankind. (5: 32). And whoever kills a believer intentionally, his recompense is Hell, to abide therein, and the Wrath and Curse of Allah are upon him, and a great punishment is prepared for him. (4: 93), Concerning committing suicide Allah, the Almighty, states: Nor kill (or destroy) yourselves: for verily Allah hath been to you Most Merciful! And whoever commits that through aggression and injustice, We shall cast him into the Fire, and that is easy for Allah, (4:29-30), More is said about committing suicide: Narrated Thabit bin Ad-Dahhak (May Allah be pleased with him): The Prophet (sallallaahu alaye wa sallum, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: And whoever commits suicide with

a piece of a iron, will be punished with the same piece of iron in the HellFire, Narrated Junub: The Prophet (sallallaahu alaye wa sallum) said: A man was inflicted with wounds and he committed suicide, and so Allah said: My slave has caused death on himself hurriedly, so I forbid Paradise for him, (Sahih AlBukhari, Vol. 2, Hadith No. 445) Narrated Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him): The Prophet (sallallaahu alaye wa sallum) said: He who commits suicide by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in the Hell-Fire (forever), and he who commits suicide by stabbing himself shall keep on stabbing himself in the Hell-Fire (forever), (Sahih AI-Bukhari, Vol. 2, Hadith No, 446). So Allah has sent us His Guidance about all matters regarding the life of the human being, If we wish to follow it, it is for our own benefit; if not, it is to our own loss. As Allah has stated in the Quran: All the praises and thanks be to Allah, Who sent down to His slave (Muhammad, sallallaahu alaye wa sallum) the Book (the Quran), and has not placed therein any crookedness. (He has made it) Straight to give warning (to the disbelievers) of a severe punishment from Him, and to give glad tidings to the believers (in the Oneness of Allah - Islamic Monotheism), who work righteous deeds, that they shall have a fair reward (i,e, Paradise). They shall abide therein for ever, (I8:1-3), May we accept the Guidance of Allah, and teach our children His Teachings, so we all can bear the trials of this life with patience, and return to Him only when He is Well-Pleased with us.

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Defense of Women in Islam Western Style

By Abdul Halim Lee (2005) Truth has come and falsehood has departed. Indeed is falsehood, (by nature), ever bound to depart. [Surah 17:81]

Every 9 seconds in the USA a woman is assaulted and beaten. 4,000,000 women a year are assaulted by their partners.* In another article taken at random we found that concern for womens treatment in Islam was a disguised attempt to discredit an appeal to raise funds for a womans organization to help mistreated Muslim women. In this article the author refers to the Quran and misinterprets it to support his argument that in Islam women are inferior, and even says that the Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, (may Allaah exalt his mention) advocated mistreatment of women. He continues with these absurdities to make his point that Islamic fund-raising should not be supported for any reason because that money could return to the US in the form of bombs, bullets, and weapons of mass destruction. Every day in the USA 4 women are murdered by boyfriends or husbands. 93% of women who killed their mates had been battered by them. 67% killed them to protect themselves or their children at the time of the murder.* Some articles state a clear political agenda. Their authors take the feminist position that their sisters in Islam should be liberated, given their brand of equality, etc. An assertion is even made that wearing the veil is a political expression of participation in womens demonstrations (rather than as expression of religious piety). Also, to encourage polygamy, making it lawful for young girls to marry at an early age, and to espouse the desire for a theocracy (a government under the rule of Allah) are seen as being advocated by groups that want to subjugate women. This erroneous, disinformation has labeled one such group as Wahhabis, a pejorative term for those Muslims who responded to the preaching of Imam Muhammad Bin Abdul Wahhab (12th century AH), may Allaah have mercy upon him, to return to the way of the Quran and teachings of Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, and the rightly guided Caliphs, and give up polytheism and all false religious practices. In other words, to believe and practice the Islamic religion as it was originally intended and which gave women full rights and equity with men as a religious obligation.

Since September 2001, women in Islam have been in the spotlight of Western attention as never before. Never has so many articles and organizations been so focused upon the treatment of Muslim girls and women folk in recent memory. From the volume and variety of this media attention, one would get the impression that there is some genuine concern for Muslim women as a whole. However, even if that were the case, one would still wonder how is it with so many, many various and serious problems facing their own populace at home that Western nations, and particularly the United States of America could venture to spend so much time, energy, intellectual expertise researching, analyzing, and making recommendations regarding solutions to the so-called plight of women in Islam. The treatment (or mistreatment) of Muslim women in general can be a legitimate subject of research, analysis, etc., and commented upon by anyone who wishes to do so, hopefully with fairness and good intentions. Any aspect of human behavior is open for such scrutiny by concerned people who so desire. An examination of some of the literature and studies in this field coming from the West is quite revealing as to its intent, altruistic appearances aside. We find, for example, that some articles which call attention to the plight of women in Afghanistan really have a political agenda of instigating a Western military overthrow of the Taliban (which incidentally controlled 95% of the country). Since when has the plight of women anywhere called for outside military intervention to overthrow a government even as a veiled threat?

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In the USA approximately 1.5 million women are raped and/or physicallyassaulted by an intimate partner annually (Nat. Viol. Against Women Survey 1998). Another strategy of these writers who purport to be concerned about womens rights in Islam is to cast doubt upon the credibility of the Quran and its commands regarding women, such as this statement, it is a matter of dispute whether the Koran demands that Muslim women cover themselves. To remove any doubt about this matter, Allah Says (what means): O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known (as chaste believing women) and not be abused. (Quran 33:59) The outer garment mentioned here refers to the jilbab which is defined as a cloak covering the head and reaching to the ground, thereby covering the womans entire body. In the USA a woman is more likely to be assaulted, injured, raped, or killed by a male partner than by any other type of assailant.* At the time that the Quran was being revealed to Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, and subsequently, strenuous efforts have been made to refute its authenticity as a Divinely revealed book. All efforts to prove that the Quran is not what Allaah Says it is have failed. He Says (what means): And if you are in doubt about what We have sent down (i.e., the Quran) upon Our Servant (i.e., Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam), then produce a surah the like thereof and call upon your witnesses (i.e. supporters,) other than Allah, if you should be truthful. But if you do not and you will never be able to then fear the Fire, whose fuel is men and stones, prepared for the disbelievers. (Surah al-Baqarah 2:23-24. Allaah also Says (what means): this Quran was revealed that I may warn you thereby and whomever it reaches; meaning at every time and place until the Day of Judgment. (Surah al-Anam 6:19) Allaah Says of the Quran (which means): (I)ndeed, it is the truth of certainty. (Surah al-Haaqqah 69:51)

Islam in the fastest growing religion in the West and at least one-third of US new converts are women. A major ideological thrust of the West to attack and weaken Islam (since Islam cannot be destroyed) is to implant the notion of the democratic ideal (which exists nowhere, especially in the lands that propose it the loudest). Again, these efforts will also fail. What distinguishes Islamic democracy from Western democracy is that the latter is based on the concept of popular sovereignty, while the former rests on the principle of Quran and Sunnah and the tradition of the guided caliphs (the first ten caliphs). In Western democracy, the people are sovereign, while in Islam sovereignty is vested in God and the people are His caliphs or representatives. In Western democracies the people make their own laws; in Islamic democracy people have to follow and obey the laws (Sharia) given by God through His Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam. So, in one form of democracy the government undertakes to fulfill the will of the people; in the other the government and the people are obligated to fulfill the will of God as recorded in the Quran and respected Sunnah (the ways and teachings of Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam). A monumental fact that will forever distinguish Islam from other systems is that in Islam that which is legal can never be immoral and that which is immoral can never be legal. Under any other legal system that which is legal may be immoral and that which is immoral may be legal. The institutions of governance in Islam would never permit such a violation of its mandate as the religion to guide all of humanity until the end of the world (the Day of Judgment). O mankind, the truth has come to you from your Lord, so whoever is guided is only guided for [the benefit of his soul, and whoever goes astray only goes astray [in violation] against it.[Surah 10:108]

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Sources:
US Department of Justice (DOJ) sexual assault statistics (USA) National Violence Against Women Survey, Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, November 1998 (USA) Brief survey of Internet articles on women in Islam The Quran

THE CATHOLIC CHURCH ITS FAITH SHAKEN: WHERE TO NOW?

June, 2002 In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful Recent headlines and feature articles highlighted the sexual scandals and the continuing charges of wrongdoing by members of the Catholic clergy. Numerous reports tell of their past misdeeds with young victims who are now suffering adults and the efforts of Church officials to suppress this knowledge. Much agony, suffering and duplicity have now come to light. Even to the casual reader it must be apparent that a tragedy of great magnitude is unfolding before our eyes. Much has been said and written about the perceived evils of the clergy and the suffering of victims of sexual abuse, mishandling of errant priests by their superiors, etc. and it is not our intent to dwell upon those aspects of this crisis. Surely, within the religious community there is sympathy, if not empathy, for all parties and participants (active and passive) during this period of decision within the Catholic community. The purpose of our article is to draw attention to the wider human dimensions and the depth of this tragedy to so many. There are many victims, not just the children and youth (certainly they have suffered much, some perhaps beyond rehabilitation), but also many priests, (if not the priesthood itself), and the laity, those patrons of the Church who have relied upon it for their souls salvation. Indeed, the number of victims of this tragedy is numerous. We can empathize with their plight at this time. Perhaps, others may share this point of view.

Children and youth as victims:

Children come into the world with pristine innocence, ready to experience and absorb all of the beauty and wonder that life may unfold to them. As such the child, as the unformed future adult, molds and has molded the

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personality that will become his throughout life. Most of all, children are dependent upon others, especially adults for their sustenance, care, protection, guidance, and view of the world. Children learn to trust the adults in their lives. They perceive them as having greater knowledge, experience and the ability to spare them lifes unpleasantness. To the child these are noble qualities and they respect adults who possess them. In addition, children respect adults whom their parents respect, e.g., their elders (relatives or otherwise), teachers, authority figures, and religious personages. From their interactions and quality of their relations with adults and their peers, children learn the meaning of love, trust, respect, and the value of their own self worth. Adults have a significant role in defining and instilling the values of the culture and society. Another great responsibility of adults is to help the child assume an acceptable gender identity to be male or female in conventional society. During the early stages of their development children (males and females) learn what it means to be of a certain gender. Boys want to be boys, to wear boys clothes, to play boys games, to walk, talk and act as boys and girls also desire the same according to their gender.1 As true sexual attraction emerges and seeks physical expression at puberty (pre-teens and teens), the youngster is quite vulnerable to various modes of experimentation to find release. For girls, teen pregnancy is not uncommon and among boys same sex exploration is not unusual at this stage, especially in the West. The sensationalism surrounding the Catholic clergy seems to center in the fact that they (adult male Churchmen) engaged in sexual acts with young males at this very impressionable age of their development. For the young male, the least that can be said is that certainly the trust he had in the Churchman has been betrayed. Despite the burgeoning social
1- 1 It is noteworthy that today in parts of the US and Canada, children during these formative stages are being taught in public schools that it is normal for families to have parents of the same sex.

acceptability of homosexuality in the West, as many of these scandalous articles reveal, some victims have been socially, psychologically, and morally crippled for life. The large monetary settlements demanded and paid by the Catholic Church would attest to this view. Given their role in the church and the community, their status in the eyes of the children and youth, and their superior life experience, these Churchmen had clearly victimized their youthful charges.

Priests as victims:
The priesthood in the Catholic Church is a vocation for eligible, seminarytrained Catholic males who upon ordination are willing to remain celibate as a condition of their profession. Obviously celibacy is an obstacle that most virile males would find totally unacceptable regardless of the rewards. The physical demand and desire for sexual gratification in marriage and procreation in family life are simply too compelling for most men to defer over the length of their career, or to successfully sublimate for life. Yet despite this nearly insurmountable impediment to normal sexual fulfillment,2 the Catholic priesthood has been attractive to certain Catholic males. Why? The priest in the Catholic Church is ordained to act as a mediator between God and man in administering the religious rites. The fact that the Catholic priesthood demands celibacy of its members calls into question the motives of the males it attracts. Who are they? Obviously, the fold of the priesthood within society provides respectability for all who enter it, but especially for those who may be active homosexuals, pedophiles, and other sexual deviants, who seek a cloak of respectability to conceal their unacceptable behavior. In addition to respectability, there are numerous other rewards and benefits offered to priests: the Catholic Church is an immense, prestigious
2- Unlike some other denominations, the Catholic Church does not approve of homosexuality.

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organization with untold resources, tremendous wealth, opportunities to render meaningful community service, for career advancement, job security, as well as the promise of salvation in the Hereafter. So, the priest as well as Catholic clergy in general has considerable influence in society as a whole. The basis for the respect, regard, reverence, is the presumption, and perception that the Catholic Church with its dogma and representatives is a dispensation for mans salvation in this life and the Hereafter. This extraordinary sacrifice and apparent devotion of the clergy, nuns and priests, to remain chaste and deny themselves marital life and child rearing inspires enormous admiration and respect which is quite peculiar to this profession.

or the basis upon which it was founded either does not address the needs of human society today, or needs to be reinterpreted in such a way that it does so. In other words, according to these arguments, the church needs to change with the times in order to be relevant in todays world, particularly as the sexual proclivities of people have become public knowledge, and demand for democratic rule is the order of the day. If it is true that the Catholic Church is in a condition where it must face such critical judgments in order to survive, then the laity might well feel that it has been victimized. They must wonder about not only the future of the Catholic Church and its ability to live up to its promises of salvation, but the laity must question the past justification for its claims. How can any institution claim to be founded upon revelations from God and admit that it is unable to meet the needs of humanity unless it changes its basic tenets, reinterprets its laws and practices in order to prevent criminal acts by its officials and to meet current social demands? It is unimaginable that The Creator of all that exists would fail to provide for the correct religious guidance, worship, and means of salvation for humanity throughout its existence from the creation of Adam until the Day of Judgment. To the contrary, it was for this purpose that He sent His prophets and messengers with the same message and with His Holy books. It is unthinkable that Divine Revelation is in error in any way. The foundations of the Church in scripture cannot be ambiguous, subject to such diverse interpretations as to be contradictory, and yet purport to be The Word of God. Truth is sent to bring light and dispel darkness, to bring knowledge and vanquish falsehood. Gods message therefore is clear, unequivocal, and understandable to everyone whose heart is open to it. The revealed path to mans salvation cannot be so shrouded in mystery that only a select few can know its meaning, necessitating interpretation to the rest of humanity. If man loses his way, he cannot claim that the path as divinely revealed is not clear. God is above all imperfection: whatever He has decreed as His Religion for humanity is perfect, eternal, and the basis for mans success or failure in this life and the Hereafter.

Laity as victims:
The scandals have accumulated steadily since 1984, but a torrent of clerical sex abuse allegations and lawsuits this year (2002) have Americas Roman Catholics demanding action from their leaders as never before. Ecclesiastical matters have become the fare of talk radio, political cartoonists and latenight comedians as well as sober editorial writers. The problem has often been defined as not just that the clergy molested minors as happens in other faiths and professions, but rather that many bishops covered up, bumbled and reassigned abusers to new parishes where they abused yet again. Again the problem is being defined in various ways. According to Bishop Wilton Gregory, It is most importantly a struggle to make sure that the Catholic priesthood is not dominated by homosexual men. From 180degrees of this position, the problem can be viewed as the resistance of the church to talk about the future of celibacy, married priests or ordaining openly gay clergy and blessing same-sex unions. Supporters on both sides of these opposing views cite scriptural references to justify their position, with the liberals usually demanding that the church get in step with the realities of the modern world. What they mean is the Catholic Church,

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Where to now?
As previously stated, the purpose of our article is to draw attention to the broad human dimension and depth of the tragedy experienced by so many at this time of crisis within the Catholic community the children and youth, the priests, and the laity as well. It is out of compassion that we address the issues surrounding these events. It is human to err and to be misguided is almost a universal condition, but to have victims with lasting wounds, and souls placed in danger requires a solution beyond modernizing, or redefining tenets of the Catholic Church as many writers on this subject are quick to suggest. The solution to being misguided is Divine guidance, which God (Allah) has provided through His Prophets and messengers, and His holy books. Belief in the oneness of God is the foundation of monotheism throughout all ages. Allah Says in the Quran (which means): Surely, they have disbelieved who say: Allah is the Messiah (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary). But the Messiah (Jesus) said: O Children of Israel! Worship Allah, my Lord and your Lord. Verily, whosoever sets up partners (in worship) with Allah, then Allah has forbidden Paradise to him, and the Fire will be his abodeSurely, disbelievers are those who said: Allah is the third of the three (in a Trinity). But there is no ilah (god) (none who has the right to be worshipped) but One Ilah (God Allah). And if they cease not from what they say, verily a painful torment will befall on the disbelievers among them. Will they not turn with repentance to Allah and ask His Forgiveness? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. The Messiah (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary) was no more than a MessengerHis mother (Mary) was a Siddiqah (i.e., she believed in the Words of Allah and His Books). They both used to eat food (as any other human being, while Allah does not eat) (5:72-75). Christians are called to Islam as Allah says in the Quran (which means): And when they (who call themselves Christians) listen to what has been sent down to the Messenger (Muhammad PBUH), you see their

eyes overflowing with tears because of the truth they have recognized. They say, Our Lord! We believe; so write us down among the witnesses. And why should we not believe in Allah and in that which has come to us of the truth (Islamic Monotheism)? And we wish that our Lord would admit us (in Paradise on the Day of Resurrection) along with the righteous people (Prophet Muhammad PBUH and his Companions). So because of what they said, Allah rewarded them Gardens under which rivers flow (in Paradise), they will abide therein forever (5:83-85). Islamic Monotheism is not a new religion. Allah Says (which means): And indeed, We sent Nuh (Noah) and Ibrahim (Abraham) and placed in their offspring Prophethood and Scripture. And among them there are some who are guided; but many of them are Fasiqun (rebellious, disobedient to Allah). Then, We sent after them Our Messengers, and We sent Isa (Jesus) son of Maryam (Mary), and gave him the Injeel (Gospel). And We ordained in the hearts of those who followed him, compassion and mercy. But the monasticism, which they invented for themselves, We did not prescribe for them, but (they sought it) only to please Allah therewith, but that they did not observe it with the right observance. So We gave those among them who believed, their (due) reward; but many of them are Fasiqun (rebellious, disobedient to Allah. O you who believe {in Musa (Moses) (i.e. Jews) and Isa (Jesus) (i.e. Christians)}! Fear Allah, and believe in His Messenger (Muhammad PBUH), He will give you a double portion of His mercy, and He will give you light by which you shall walk (straight). And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. So that the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) may know that they have no power whatsoever over the Grace of Allah, and that (His) Grace is (entirely) in His Hand to bestow it on whomsoever He wills. And Allah is the Owner of Great Bounty (57:26-29).

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Marriage as a protection from sin:

Allah has ordained marriage as the only permissible way for man to satisfy sexual desire. Sexual intercourse outside of marriage and masturbation are sinful acts. Allah Speaks about illegal sexual intercourse and the sanctity of marriage in many verses in the Quran. The following are but several. And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fashishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits), and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him) (17:32). Obedience to Allahs commands provides protection from all kinds of sexual temptations. Allah Says (what means): Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do (24:30). Allah has Perfect Knowledge of mans desires and weaknesses. He Says (what means): Allah wishes to lighten (the burden) for you: and man was created weak (cannot be patient to leave sexual intercourse with woman (4:23). In addition, Allah ordained polygamy (multiple wives) as an honorable institution. Allah Says (what means): then marry (other women) of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only oneThat is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice (4:3). Allah has made clear that sodomy (homosexuality) is among the greatest of sins and therefore condemned in the story of Prophet Lut (Lot). Allah Says (what means): And (remember) Lut (Lot), when he said to his people: Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the Alamin (mankind)? Verily, you practice your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds (by committing great sins). And the answer of his people was only that they said, Drive them out of your town, these are indeed men who want to be pure (from sins)! Then We saved him and his family, except his wife; she was of those who remained behind (in the torment). And We rained down on them a rain (of stones). Then see what was the end of the Mujrimun (criminals, polytheists, sinners) (7:80-84). 62

Promise of Paradise:
Allah Says (what means): Verily those who believe {in the Oneness of Allah and in His Messenger (Muhammad PBUH)} and do righteous good deeds, they are the best of creatures. Their reward with their Lord is Paradise (Gardens of Eternity), underneath which rivers flow. They will abide therein forever, Allah will be pleased with them, and they with Him. That is for him who fears his Lord (98:7-8). May Allah forgive our sins and purify our intentions to worship Him Alone. Ameen!

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The Pieces of our Lives Do Fit Together

(March 2005)
All praise is due to Allaah; and blessings and peace be upon His messenger and servant, Muhammad, and upon his family and companions and whoever follows his guidance until the Day of Resurrection.

In March, 1965 only 19.3 percent of eligible blacks were registered to vote in Alabama compared with 69.2 percent of whites. Example 2: this week it was recalled that on March 7, 1945 the 9th Armored Division (US Army) captured a bridge across the Rhine River at Remagen, Germany, a battle described as crucial to the winning of World War Two. The heroic efforts of the American soldiers while taking the bridge were made into a movie in 1969 and have been retold in recent articles about the event. The men and women who served in the armed forces of the United States during WWII are often honored as being the best generation of Americans who ever lived. I was a teenager in 1945, and had lived through all of WWII and had relatives, friends, and acquaintances who served in the armed forces at that time. The GIs were the good guys, and all Americans shared in their struggles, sacrifices, losses, and eventual victory. The feeling of the nation was that freedom, liberty, and peace had been restored to the world; at least that was my perception gained through the media, newspapers, magazines, and especially the movies. Fast forward twenty years to March 1965. Here we are at another bridge; this time in Selma, Alabama at the Edmund Pettis Bridge where Americans of color and their sympathizers, without weapons, are being bloodied so they can enjoy some to the freedom, liberty, and legacy of the sacrifices that were supposed to have been made on their behalf at that other bridge at Remagen two decades earlier. Since the stated goals of WWII evidently left Americans of color without the basic rights of their American counterparts, this group may be considered among the locked out of the larger American scheme of things. Example 3: also this week (March 8, 2005) a news article appeared about Jorge Medina, the father of Army Specialist Irving Medina, 22, who was killed in Baghdad on November 14, 2003. The article relates how Mr. Medina, an immigrant from Mexico, came to the US in 1985, worked three jobs to support his family, and over time the family, Irving, his identical

Sometimes the events and memories of our lives come to us from many angles and ways that seem disjointed and unrelated. Oftentimes they bring with them a rush of emotions and thoughts that cause us to relive a part of our lives long forgotten or lost in memory. When we recall and relive these events sometimes we wonder what the connection may be now. We are reminded also that we are the same person who lived through the period in which they occurred so long ago. Yet current events happen that stir similar feelings to those events so long ago and we wonder if there is connection and what it might be. A series of news items were reported this past week that compelled me to focus my attention on this matter of trying to tie the pieces of the mental mosaic into an understandable tapestry that perhaps held some deeper meaning or message. In the media there was a review of events that happened 40, 50, and even 60 years ago this week, and some of these events started me to recall my emotional involvement in them then, now, and what all of this might mean for me as well as others. Example 1: this week it is recounted in the news that on March 6, 2005, aging civil rights-era figures and a congressional delegation walked across the Edmund Pettis Bridge in Selma, Alabama (USA) with nearly 10,000 others to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the Selma voting rights march that opened the ballot boxes to black people in the South. Coretta Scott King, whose husband, the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. led the historic march in 1965, said, The freedom we won here in Selma and on the road to Montgomery was purchased with the precious blood of many. President Lyndon Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act into law in 1965.

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twin brother and sister assimilated into the culture. When these children became of age, considered their future prospects in the US, they decided upon the military option as a means of getting a college education, learning some skills, and making a better life for themselves. All three joined the military, and by so doing entered the ranks of so many other Americans who felt they had either to sign-up or be locked out. That decision and the US war in Iraq led to the reported tragedy. As a follow-up to this article, I did a brief review of the obituaries of other US casualties to the US war in Iraq reported on the web and noted the following as far as their motivation for joining the military was concerned. Basically there were three groups: Those who were seeking a career Those who wanted to earn money for a college education, or were seeking a college education Those who wanted to serve their country. Taken together, it would seem these volunteers were motivated to join the military as a way of serving their country and having a better life for themselves, either during or following their military commitment. This point again touches upon a piece of my life which made me feel compelled to write this article. In 1949, when I was 17 years old, with a high school diploma and one semester of college looking for a job that had any reasonable prospects, I was offered a mop, a broom, dirty dishes, manual labor, or something that a semi-illiterate person could probably do with their eyes closed. There I was an African-American living in the period between Remagen (1945) and Edmund Pettis (1965) our two bridges. The country was at peace and I was faced with the option that faced so many of my contemporaries: sign up, remain locked out, or be locked up. The latter option is added here because that is the reality for too many working class youngsters whose families cannot send them to college. In those days about a thousand

dollars ($1000) a year could probably get you into some four-year college, especially a black college as they were called until recently. For my parents a thousand dollars seemed like a small fortune. My brother was already in the Navy; he had enlisted at age 16 two years earlier; so I chose the military option and signed up for three years in the US Air Force. At the time (1949) the GI Bill which benefited WWII veterans (more on this later) was not in effect for new enlistees, so by enlisting I was mainly looking for an opportunity to make the best use of the education I had and to learn as much as I could for the future. Following the outbreak of the Korean War in 1950, the US Congress reinstituted the GI Bill for Korean War veterans, and upon my discharge at the end of 1952 and without ever seeing combat, I was eligible for 4 years of college education. Those benefits enabled me to complete a college degree and a year at graduate school. Since then I earned a Master Degree and completed most of the course work for a PhD, and retired after thirty years of professional service. In spite of the fact that going into the military provided me with needed benefits which led to an education that I might not have had, and it is documented that the same has been true for millions more, I am deeply moved that military service is too often the only (or most attractive) option for those who are locked out. Here are some facts regarding the benefits of the WWII veterans education program: In the late 1930s about 160,000 US citizens graduated from college each year. By 1950 that number had increased to 500,000. In 1947, veterans accounted for 49% of US college enrollments. The cost of the World War II education program totaled $14.5 billion. By 1956, $14.5 billion of taxpayer monies had been spent to educate and train 7.8 million of 15.6 million eligible veterans. $5.5 billion of that educational assistance supported one of the most

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remarkable generation of college graduates in U.S. history, which included 450,000 engineers; 180,000 doctors, dentists, and nurses; 360,000 school teachers; 150,000 scientists; 243,000 accountants; 107,000 lawyers; and 36,000 clergy members. While eighty percent of these may have pursued a college education even without the GI Bill, this is still one of the clearest examples of the value of social capital investment in human potential and talent in U.S. history. In 1990, President George Bush summed up the impact of the GI Bill: The GI Bill changed the lives of millions by replacing old roadblocks with paths of opportunity. No wonder that former Chairman of the Joints Chiefs of Staff Colin Powell, former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich, and President Bill Clinton all have issued recent calls for a new GI Bill to build the social infrastructure of tomorrow. If these are praiseworthy benefits from the investment of US taxpayers money in the education of the men and women who served in its armed forces, why cant the same and more benefits be derived from spending even more money in educating its young men and women who do not serve in the military? US politicians often say when they want a budget increase for the military, We have to support our fine young men and women in uniform. Werent these fine young men and women before they put on the uniform? Of course they were. Many are full of ideals, dedication, and seek a better life for themselves in serving their country. Their basic problem is that they are locked out from the opportunity to do so because of the priority placed upon the military option. American taxpayers need to call upon their government to fund massive education programs for all its citizens who want to improve their skills because the above facts prove that it is in their own best interest. If the government can call for $300 billion to pay for a war which yields no benefit to them and they are going to get the bill, they can afford to pay for an educational

program from which all will benefit including mankind and other nations as well. In addition, States around the US spent more building prisons than colleges in 1995 for the first time. From 1984 to 1994, Californias prison system realized a 209% increase in funding, compared to a 15% increase in state university funding. Also in 1997 average annual costs of incarcerating a prisoner were $23,477 (federal), $19,801 (state), and $20,225 (jail) (Justice Policy Institute, May 2000, Washington, D.C.) These figures give a clear meaning to what is meant by being locked out with the option to sign up or be locked up. Now, (March 2005) 40 years since Edmund Pettis, I am a Muslim living in a Muslim country where American non-Muslims are well-respected, perhaps even treated with deference in spite of war in the region. Americans go to school with Muslims, live among Muslims, and there have not been any incidents that made the news. You might attribute this harmony to security if you wish, but no amount of security can stop irrational individuals from acting out, and nothing of the sort has happened here to my knowledge. Westerners live here, raise their families, and like being here. They are enjoying the peaceful, crime-free environment without the violence, drugs, and other major negative influences so pervasive in Western urban centers. Needless to say there is no indication that Islam equals terrorism here. As I reflect upon these seemingly disconnected pieces of my life I see a new meaning which gives wholeness and a new understanding to the Quranic verse where Allaah says (which means): O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allaah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allaah is Knowing and Acquainted. (Quran 49:13) The fact that people from many lands and many religions are living here in peace certainly leads one to believe that Allaah does not mean for us to get to know one another by looking down the barrel of a gun at one another. We can live together or in our separate

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countries and develop our own people to be productive and contributors to the good of humanity. We can build our nations and help others to build their countries for the good of us all. I have been blessed to share these views from pieces of my life looking back over nearly three-quarters of a century. If there is a benefit in it, may Allah count it among my good deeds.

PART IV - Advisory Section

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[Selected material in this section was compiled during my service with Islamweb.net as English language consultant, editor, and writer (Dec. 1999 Aug 2003, Dec. 2003 Sept. 2005). These advisories are not to be considered as religious rulings; they are not. Due to my extensive background in human behavior and as a lay religious practitioner, I was requested to answer inquiries from viewers of a personal nature that did not require a religious ruling. All of these advisories were reviewed at the appropriate level for accuracy of content and consistency with Islamic religious teachings and principles prior to publication on the website. The original purpose was to benefit the viewers of the website; they are included in this volume for the benefit of this reading audience, Allah willing. Abdul Halim Lee] For easy access to the Advisories (76) they are listed here by topic and arranged under that heading so the readers may locate them according to their interest. I. Issues about Islamic practices generally (19): 002, 005, 007, 010, 016, 019, 025, 029, 032, 036, 040, 042, 046, 049, 051, 055, 057, 087, 094

Issues about Islamic practices generally

002. Selecting leaders of organizations
We have several Islamic organizations in the world and these include mosques, school, charitable organizations, etc. Over a period of time - one or two years - elections are held for various positions. These elections cause disputes and dissention in the community; sometimes fights occur during meetings necessitating police and other security personnel being summoned. What would be an appropriate way to prevent this fighting? How should leaders be chosen for the people? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear brother, the need for unity and solidarity among Muslims is among the most important issues facing Muslim communities today. How can Muslims develop and maintain viable communities and protect themselves from their enemies if they have leaders they dont respect and are fighting among themselves? And, even worse, having to call in outsiders to provide protection from each other, as you mentioned in your question? Unfortunately, this situation is all too common. There are principals established in Islam, which if followed can help to remove this condition and strengthen the Muslim community. 1.Muslims should avoid making any alliances, affiliations, and attachments to causes or beliefs that lead to separation into groups so their loyalty is persons who may be eligible for the positions to be filled. Piety should be faithful according to the established rules, etc. Dissent will be dealt with through official channels as previously agreed upon. 2. Muslims must know that they must obey the laws of the land in which they reside, but compliance with Sharia takes precedent. The first loyalty of a Muslim is to Islam and to brothers and sisters in Islam.

II. Psychological problems generally (9): 021, 022, 041, 064, 069, 082, 090, 091, 093 III. Troubling relations with the opposite sex outside of marriage (7): 008, 038, 048, 054, 077, 081, 085 IV. Help wanted to choose a marital partner (17): 001, 004, 006, 009, 013, 024, 026, 028, 037, 058, 060, 073, 074, 075, 078, 089, 095 V. Homosexual issues (5): 003, 023, 035, 056, 059 VI. Use and abuse of the Internet and telephone (7): 020, 061, 066, 067, 068, 076, 088 VII. Problems within the marriage relationship (12): 012, 015, 017, 031, 033, 045, 050, 053, 072, 083, 084, 086

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3. Whatever a Muslim wants for himself, he wants for his brother. He is concerned about his safety, his welfare, and his rights, and protects his honor. Briefly, these are some guidelines that we can follow to address this dissention in our ranks. Basically, we need to stress patience, forbearance, and respect in our mutual relations, and encourage one another in all that is good. In addition, we should lovingly correct each others mistakes, be willing to take criticism, listen to advice, gain more knowledge about Islam, practice and pass on what we have learned and experienced to others. We pray that Allah will forgive us our sins, cover our faults and shortcomings, bind our hearts in Islamic brotherhood, and make us of those who hear and obey. Allah knows best

Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, May Allah bless and guide you and all those who strive to obey Him and call others to His worship and His service. You must know that living in the West is a great trial for Muslims, a grave danger to their religion and for that reason is forbidden or discouraged unless for specific reasons approved by Sharia. (You may refer to many fatawa on this subject for details.) Please know that the condition you witness regarding wearing of the hijab is not limited to the West; it is prevalent in most, if not all, of the Ummah. The failure of Muslims to abide by Sharia, the Quran and Sunnah, is widespread and is the leading cause of our weakness, persecution and humiliation world-wide. So, we must be patient under such conditions and do what we can to remind our brothers and sisters of their responsibilities as Muslims. One of the best methods of calling to Islam and reminding is to be a good example, as you mentioned in your inquiry. The Muslim woman wears correct hijab when she goes out of her house. Hijab is the distinctive Islamic dress whose features have been clearly defined by the Quran and Sunnah. She does not leave her house, or appear before non-mahram men wearing perfume, makeup or other fineries, because she knows that this is haram according to the Quran (24:31). The Muslim woman, therefore, is not one of those dressed-but-naked women who abound in societies that have deviated from the guidance of Allah. In addition, the Muslim woman who has been truly guided by her faith and has received a sound Islamic education does not wear hijab just because it is a custom or tradition inherited from her family or country.

005. She wants to help Sisters to wear Hijab

Im a Muslim sister who lives in the West. I attend a school for girls where the majority is Muslims. Many of them wear the hijab, but there is a major problem with most of the sisters having been westernized. For example, the girls who wear the hijab dont respect it, wear tight clothes, and show their necks. Some others who dont wear the hijab have no respect for their religion; they fast but dont pray, and use foul or rude language. When I try to talk to them about Islam, they rebuke me saying, Why do you care only about religion, go see the world, dont be too religious, but I never give up; I answer back and say, I put Islam on top of everything, you like it or not. Subhanallah, there is worse than that; I cant handle this anymore. I like for my Muslim sisters what I like for myself. Its sad to see the Ummah sinking in kufr while we are watching. The sisters even remove their hijab because they are afraid, or they make excuses such as, My parents forced me to wear it or take it off. I would like some articles about the rewards or punishments regarding the hijab.

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The Muslim woman wears hijab based on her belief that it is a command from Allah, revealed to protect the Muslim woman, to make her character distinct, and to keep her away from the slippery slope of immorality and error. So she accepts it willingly and with strong conviction, as the women of the Muhajirin and Ansar accepted it on the day when Allah revealed His clear and wise command (Quran 24:31). The menfolk of the Ansar recited it to his wife, his daughter, his sister and other female relatives. Every woman among them got up, took her decorated wrapper, and wrapped herself up in it out of faith and belief in what Allah had revealed (Bukhari). There are many sources of articles on hijab and its virtues that can be found on numerous Islamic websites which you can download. Also, there are references such as The Ideal Muslimah by Dr. Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi, (pp. 69-73), Jumuah magazine, and so many others that address this topic. May Allah grant us knowledge, faith, courage, and patience to call others to Islam and make us good examples for them to follow to its light. Ameen!

promoting anything contrary to Sharia, then it is permissible. If you have any questions or doubts about the nature of your job according to Islam, you need to seek clarification about its acceptability. When faced with adversity a Muslim is required to be patient and to seek help from Allah. There may be laws prohibiting religious harassment in London. You should investigate and become knowledgeable about your legal rights and be determined to demand them if necessary. Also, seek the support of witnesses if you are being harassed because of your religious practices. When you are certain of your position, let your employer know that you are required to observe the prayers at their fixed times, whether you are at work or elsewhere. Explain that you are willing to make up any time lost if necessary. If all else fails, inform her that you have no intention of giving up your prayers. In other words, be polite, cooperative, but firm that you intend to be a good Muslim. Rest assured that Allah protects and provides for every faithful servant who obeys and bears witness for Him. May Allah help you and us to be steadfast in Islam.

007. Risks job while praying at work.

I am a Muslim young man who lives in London. My boss is Hindu and she gets angry when she sees me praying. I really like my job, but the bad part is she even threatened to ask me to leave. What can you advise me to do? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Brother, May Allah bless you with employment that is pleasing to Him and which brings you spiritual satisfaction for this life and the next. Since you did not mention the nature of your job, we must state that if your work is NOT in any haram activity, i.e., riba (interest), alcohol, gambling, or

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010. Became a Muslim, but now feels she is dying

I need help as I feel I am dying. Please read all of it carefully and give sincere advice. I became a Muslim five years ago now. I was married to a Muslim although I can honestly say my conversion had very little to do with my husband, rather I came to know Islam through praying for the truth sincerely. I had a firm belief in Allah and His Messenger. I was taught my prayers and was told their meaning their importance and that they were absolutely obligatory with serious consequences in the hereafter for failure to perform them. I did pray for a while but then I stopped. Then after feeling always heavy about leaving them I would eventually go back to them. After a while I would leave them again, then go back. This has gone on for five years exactly like this - on and off, on and off. At this point, I feel as though Im going to choke with disappointment. I have never doubted Allah and His messenger and yet I have been unable to continue with such an easy thing as observing the prayers. I am a very passive person as I let people do wrong things in front of me. I feel bad to turn them away or embarrass them by telling them they are wrong. Sometimes when I am low in emaan due to my not praying I would even join in with them, i.e. listening to music, watching videos and so forth. My sins feel like they are drowning me. I feel so far from Allah that I feel any little faith I have is dwindling away like a fire going out. I started bright but I am bit by bit going out. The sister who I am talking about is here every day. I got so involved with her situation, I even spoke with her husbands brother who she was having the affair with. I even allowed her to use my phone to call him so I know I have that sin on top of me as well. On top of all that rather than deal with the reality of life, death, the hereafter, the failing as a wife, mother and servant of Allah, I put myself in an imaginary world of love and romance. Im enter this world when I cook, sleep, go to the bathroom; sometimes

even when my husband is in the same room I talk to the imaginary people I have invented. I am in the worse state you can imagine right now, and I just keep on digging the hole deeper and deeper until I fear I will never get out. I have very little sincerity in me if any at all. I am always lying to my husband so he wont have any ideas about the prayer and things. Insha Allah, I will do my best to do whatever you say I should do. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, All praise is to Allah for guiding you through your sincerity and prayer to the Light of Islam and opening your heart to His Truth. Though you feel lost at the moment, your reaching out for help is an indication that you believe you can be helped. Allah willing, you will be abundantly blessed. Dear Sister, when a person professes the Shahadah (confession of a Muslim), La ilaha illaha, Muhammad-ur-Rasul-Allah (None had the right to be worshipped but Allah, and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah), he becomes a Muslim. This testimony of faith must be affirmed first by public declaration on the tongue, second by sincere belief in the heart, and finally by demonstration through ones actions (deeds). Islam is built on five pillars: Shahadah, Sallah (establishment of prayer), Zakah (giving of alms), Saum (observing fast), and Hajj (performing the pilgrimage). Observation of these Pillars is a testimony that a person has established faith in Allah, the Almighty. There is no Islam if these pillars are not observed, or if any of them is neglected.

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After the declaration of faith (Shahadah), prayer is most important. Indeed, Allah has made the prayer the beacon of His religion. He has ordered us to be mindful of it, saying, which means Guard strictly your prayers, especially the middle prayer, and stand before Allah will all devotion (2:238). The performance of prayer is one of the greatest tokens of faith, the most significant of religious ceremonies, and the surest way to thanking Allah for His boundless favors. To neglect it is to be separated from God, His Mercy, His favors, and to be denied His Kindness and blessings. As you mentioned faith (emaan) increases and decreases according to the attention we give to practicing Islam in our daily living. In addition to devotion to prayer, a Muslim needs to gain knowledge about Islam. Knowledge deepens our understanding, appreciation of and devotion to this greatest of religions. To gain knowledge of Islam, we need to surround ourselves with pious Muslims, teachers of Islam, read Islamic materials and spend some time in study. One should read the Quran daily and spend time thinking about its meaning. In this way you will find your self being lifted up beyond your feeling depressed, lonely, and needing to invent another world. For now, you need to repent to Allah for your neglect in worship and drifting into sin; turn again to sincere devotion, seeking Allahs favor. He has promised to forgive sincere repentance. You need to feel Allahs closeness, for He has stated that He is ever near to His servants. By all means try to find a way to engage your husband in seeking a solution to the difficulties you are facing. Discuss your problems with him. Pray together, read Quran and Islamic literature to one another. Attend Islamic social events together. Develop relations with other pious married couples. Lastly, it may be that the two of you need to seek counseling with a Muslim mental health professional to help you deepen and strengthen your marital relationship. We pray that Allah will keep you and us on His straight way.

016. Calling people to Islam

I would like you to tell me the best way telling people about Islam so that they can really believe and understand what I am explaining to them. I have some Christian friends and I would like them to accept Islam, Allah willing. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Brother, All praise is for Allah Who has guided you to Islam and has placed in your heart the desire to call others to His Truth in Islam. We pray that Allah will grant you success and reward you for your efforts. Dear Brother, There are many ways to answer your question, because there are many issues contained in it. For example, you ask the best way of telling peopleso that they really believe If you mean a way that will guarantee their belief, then you must know that Allah guides whom He wills to Islam; we can only call in the best way we can and trust Him to give the success. As you know, many Prophets and Messengers called their people for many years with limited numbers who followed them, e.g. Prophets Nuh, Lut, Iesa (Jesus) May Allah be pleased with them all. It is important to remember this point because Muslims who are enthusiastic about calling Christians have a tendency to want to argue with them, especially about the trinity. First, and foremost, there is nothing like a good example to demonstrate the way of life one is calling others to follow. Unfortunately, Islam is lacking in numbers of good examples given the large and ever-growing number of Muslims throughout the world.

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Next, it is important to inform people about Islam based upon knowledge, both of Islam and the people who are being called, but particularly about Islam. Familiarize yourself with basic concepts and principles of Islam. You should use materials that are provided by Islamic centers, especially pamphlets or handouts designed for dawah. Carry some of this literature with you to refer to and to handout to people so they can look at it later at their leisure. A point of common interest among Christians and Muslims is the belief in monotheism, although Christians may hold to the false idea of the trinity. Explain to them the teachings of the Quran: that Allah is One, none deserves to be worshipped but Him. There are no associates or partners with Him. He is the Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need. He neither eats, drinks, nor sleeps. He begets not, nor was He begotten. There is none equal to Him. He says to a thing Be and it is. Remember, too, that when calling Christians to Islam (or anyone for that matter) it is always best to cite from the Quran or the Sunnah (hadith literature) rather than the Bible or other so-called holy books as references. It is always better to use truthful sources rather than fabricated references. Then, it is always best to call people based upon some point of interest to them. Try to find out what questions they have, or issues about their current beliefs that they may be seeking help with. What questions or misconceptions do they have about Islam that they would like you to clarify for them? Always be candid; if you dont know the answer, say so, and offer to get back to them with the answer when you can. It is also important to remember that the Prophet, may Allahs blessings and peace be upon him, always showed great patience when conveying the message of Islam. In addition, Allah often reminded him of the virtue of patience in calling; that his duty was only to convey the message; and that He (Allah) was the One Who guided whom He wills to Islam. May Allah make us steadfast in discharging our duty to spread the message of Islam to the world by our words and by our good deeds.

019. Where can he migrate to in the Muslim world?

I am a dual citizen of Pakistan and Canada. I moved to Canada 9 years ago. My parents, brothers, sisters are settled in America and my in-laws are in Canada. My children are university going and they are very good. My family tries to be practicing. My wife daily tries to sit with both the kids after Maghrib prayer and reads Tafheem -ul Quran of Maulana Maududi. We sit together with children on Sundays when there is Doctor Asrar Ahmeds Islamic program one local television for about 50 minutes and Dr. Badiuddin Soharwardis Program for about 15 minutes. We also daily ask and tell our kids to pray five times. What I want to say is that I am living in this country but I always as Allah (SWT) to give us the opportunity to let me and my children live in a truly Islamic country and let our grandchildren be raised in Islamic environment. I have lived in Middle East for long time and my children were born over there. When I went back to Pakistan I got a very good job and my children were going to very good schools and I was living in a very post locality. I tried my best to settle there but right from the beginning I was very upset when I had no choice to get my things done by bribing for even smaller things, which had never been my intention. I also had other social problems with people. It was so difficult for me to get daily things done without it which are still very common over there. Now I am double-minded, sailing in two boats and can not decide what to do. My children and wife are very cooperative. They leave everything up to me, but also advise me to get advice from good religious people who know both the circumstances and living in this continent of North America. I would really appreciate your answer. Response: All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger, May Allaah exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions. We commend you for your intention to obey Allaah in all that He has commanded His slaves until the Day of Judgment. We commend you

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for your desire and effort to protect your religion and that of your family from the evil and deception of un-Islamic beliefs and practices. We also congratulate you for trying to find an Islamic solution to a dilemma that many Muslims living in non-Muslim countries today experience who sincerely desire to migrate to Muslim countries but are faced with serious religious issues. In our Fatwa Number 5285 we have discussed the matter of immigration from a non-Muslim country to a Muslim country in great detail and we include the entire response to the questioner about this issue. [Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions. Muslims are of three kinds, as far as the matter of immigration from a nonMuslim country to a Muslim country, is concerned. A) Those who cannot abide by their religions obligations and commands or fear temptation i.e., face hardship in being steadfast due to the bad environment and the prevalence of Kufr in the place where they dwell, such Muslims are obliged to migrate. B) Those who can follow their religion and do not face any temptation or seduction, immigration for them is merely desirable. C) Those who are not asked by Shariah to migrate as they (physically, financially or due to other forcing reasons) are not able to migrate at all. Ibn Qudamah wrote about migration: It means leaving a non-Muslim country to settle in a Muslim country. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {Verily! As for those whom the angels take (in death) while they are wronging themselves (as they stayed among the disbelievers even though emigration was obligatory for them), they (angels) say (to them): In what (condition) were you? They reply: We were weak and oppressed on earth. They (angels) say: Was not the earth of Allh spacious enough

for you to emigrate therein?} [4:97]. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam) said: I am exempt from any Muslim who lives among polytheists. The companions asked, why O prophet of Allah? He replied, the fire of each group should not be seen by other one. [Abu Dawood and al-Baihaqi ]. The Hadith means that they are not allowed to live at the distance from where they could see each others fire. The ruling of this immigration according to the great majority of Muslim scholars is continuous till the Day of Judgment. Ibn Qudamah also said: After the given details people are of three kinds as far as the matter of immigration from a non-Muslim country, is concerned. A) Those who are obliged and it is obligatory on them to migrate. Muslims who cannot follow their religion freely and who are able to migrate to a Muslim country must migrate (no other choice is given to them). Allah Says (which means): {Verily! As for those whom the angels take (in death) while they are wronging themselves (as they stayed among the disbelievers even though emigration was obligatory for them), they (angels) say (to them): In what (condition) were you? They reply: We were weak and oppressed on earth. They (angels) say: Was not the earth of Allh spacious enough for you to emigrate therein? Such men will find their abode in Hell - What an evil destination!}[4:97]. This is a stern warning and the scholars deduce from such warning that it is a clear indication that the act is an obligatory one. Moreover, carrying out the religious obligations is compulsory on every individual who has the ability to do so. Therefore, the one who cannot follow his religion in a place has to migrate from that place to another, since religion is more important and precious than any other matter. B) The ruling of migration does not cover the Muslims who cannot migrate due to weakness, or compulsion or who are too weak to migrate such as women, children and the like, such are not addressed by this rule about

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migration. Allah says: {Except the weak ones among men, women and children who cannot devise a plan, nor are they able to direct their way. For these there is hope that Allh will forgive them, and Allh is Ever OftPardoning, Oft-Forgiving.}[4:98-99]. For the lack of ability on migration it becomes unlikable for them. C) Migration is likeable for some Muslims but it is not compulsory. For instance, Muslims who live in a non-Muslim country but they are allowed to act freely according to their religion. They are merely recommended to migrate to Muslim countries to help the Muslim Ummah and increase the members of the Muslim community. The evidence for this is the fact that Abbas (may Allaah have mercy on him) the uncle of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam) stayed in Makkah even after embracing Islam. It is also reported that when Naeem al-Nahham wanted to migrate, his tribesmen came to him and said: Stay here and follow your religion, we will protect you from anyone who causes harm to you, and keep on doing to us the good you used to do. He used to look after the orphans and widows. He delayed his migration for a period and thereafter he migrated. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam) said to him. Your people were better for you than my people were for me, my people expelled me and tried to kill me, while your people protected you and gave shelter to you. He replied, but O Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam) of Allaah! Your people chased you away to the obedience of Allah and to the Jihaad against His enemies, while my people discouraged me from migration and held me back from the obedience of Allaah. [al-Mughni: 10/513]. Allah knows best.] In light of the above rulings we urge you to consider migrating to a Muslim country. Regarding the circumstances you described in Pakistan about bribery, etc. we make the following observations: In no Muslim country is Islam being practiced according to Sharia

In some Muslim countries many people suffer from poverty and hardship and bribery is a means of earning a living, i.e. corruption is institutionalized Most Muslim countries are in need of educated religious people to return from non-Muslim countries to help move their countries forward and relieve the suffering of the masses Muslim children need to understand and share the sacrifices of their parents for Allaahs sake and to establish His religion among the Muslims Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knower of the hearts, and He will reward those who struggle in His cause and for His sake in this life and in the Life to come. We ask Allaah to bless you and us in all of our efforts to seek His Pleasure and make easy the way to a good end.

025. Needs to avoid perfumes, cosmetics without alcohol

I am a recent convert. I know that we cannot pray wearing alcoholic perfumes, deodorants. Can you suggest some non-alcoholic perfumes or deodorants that will not spoil my prayers? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, All praise is for Allah Who has guided you to Islam and opened your heart to be submissive to Him. We pray that you will always desire to please Allah and have the intention to avoid that which earns His Displeasure. Dear Sister, most perfumes, deodorants, and other cosmetics indicate on their labels whether they contain alcohol or not. It should be an easy matter to determine

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those that contain alcohol from those that do not; then chose the cosmetic that you prefer given its other contents, fragrance, sensitivity to your skin, price, etc. May Allah reward abundantly those who seek knowledge in order to be rightly guided and we ask Him to so bless all of us.

029. New Muslim feels awkward dealing with inquiring Christians

I am not sure I handled a situation correctly. I reverted to Islam last year, and do not want to accept any other religion. I was picking up some clothing I had altered, and my tailor was asking me some questions about the Islamic headscarf. Another Muslim professional had told me about a passage in the Christian Bible that mandates women to cover or shave their hair. My tailor showed me this passage. She asked if I believed in Jesus, and I replied yes, as a prophet of God. She then proceeded to tell me about Christian beliefs regarding God and Jesus. I did not reply or even nod my head, and did not want to appear rude by cutting her off. I really do not know how to handle such situations. Finally, she asked if I wanted to borrow her Bible. I replied, No; thank you, and said that I had to go, which I did. I think I should find a Muslim tailor. How could I have better handled this situation? How can I avoid other such situations with Christians? Thank you. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, All praise is to Allah and we thank Him for calling you to Islam. We pray that you and every Muslims will be faithful to their covenant with Allah in gratitude for the tremendous blessing He has granted us in Islam.

Dear Sister, know that the uncomfortable feelings you experienced is quite often encountered by Muslims, especially new Muslims, because of the very reasons you mentioned, i. e. being new to Islam and, therefore, lacking knowledge of the religion and experience dealing with non-Muslims who are proselytizing for their religion. From your experience there is a great lesson for all Muslims: ALWAYS BE PREPARED FOR DAWAH to call others to Islam. Calling others to Islam is an obligation on all Muslims and we need to be prepared to do so to the best of our ability. For new Muslims, there are simple steps that may be helpful. 1. Expect to be asked about Islam, your decision to convert, or some other question. People of other religions are usually trying to convince Muslims of the superiority of their religion over Islam if given the chance. 2. Be prepared to respond. Be familiar with the five pillars of Islam and the six articles of faith, and basic information that all Muslims should know, especially the authority of the Quran and Sunnah, the revelation of Allah of Islam, His religion for mankind. It is not necessary for Muslims to be familiar with the Bible, the corrupted text of the Christians, to discuss the truth of the Quran and Sunnah. 3. Carry some Islamic literature to refer to or handout should the opportunity arise, such as you described. If we feel peace, joy, happiness, and fellowship in Islam, why not express it? Let people who question us about Islam know the rewards we have found in Islam. Invite others to share it with us. Always remember that we are ambassadors of Islam. We are calling mankind to the way of salvation a better life in this world and Paradise in the Hereafter because we care about them and their welfare. We are not simply trying to win an argument about which religion is superior. Whoever insists that another religion is superior to Islam let them provide their proof.

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Dont be afraid to say, I dont know, when you are not certain, or Ill get back to you with the answer if youre interested. Honesty is far better than providing half-truths or doubtful answers. We are only responsible for what we do, not whether someone is convinced that Islam is for him/ her. There is no need to change tailors unless you feel it is better to support a Muslim with your business; the Prophet (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him) had relations with many different people, Jews and Christians. While you may have felt uncomfortable in the encounter you described, you handled the situation appropriately you were polite, courteous, and not swayed from your stance regarding Islam. Rather than leaving this tailor, perhaps you can think of how you can invite her to Islam! These are but a few guidelines in response to your inquiry. There is considerable information on this subject in other sections of our web site; dont hesitate to use those resources. May Allah bless you in your efforts to please Him and may He grant us the knowledge and courage to invite others to Islam, the religion He has perfected for mankind.

Dear Sister, May Allah bless you for your concern for your father and ease your distress for seeing him so astray from Allahs obedience. May Allah touch your heart with compassion for your father and help you to remind him of the right way. Yes, Dear Sister, you should continue to live with your father, show kindness and respect to him for it is his right that his children treat him so, even though he is committing major sins by drinking alcohol and, more importantly, abandoning the prayer. You must know that drinking alcohol is from Satan by whom the drinker is led to commit all kinds of sins and evil deeds, and that leaving the prayer leads a person perilously close to going out of Islam. Being out of Islam, unless a person repents sincerely to Allah, returns to Islam, does good deeds, and all that Islam requires he will be among the losers unless Allah forgives him. So by all means, try your best to remain with your father and remind him in a good way that he must return to Allah in repentance. Supplicate to Allah for your father and for yourself, that you will be able to be a dutiful daughter and a good example for him. Seek Allahs guidance and support through this difficult time; read Quran, do good deeds and seek advice and support from pious knowledgeable companions. Ask relatives and family members to help encourage your father in a good way to become a good Muslim. Try to avoid arguments and criticizing him for his behavior; that approach usually just makes matters worse. Should you find that your father rejects all efforts to help him, becomes violent towards you, or overly abusive, then you must seek protection for yourself and find other living arrangements. The first good act is to avoid harm to us as well as to others. Even then continue to make dua for your father and show him the respect that is his right. Insha Allah, with patience Allah will give the success to the servant whose intention is to please Him. May Allah grant us wisdom and courage to remind the believers of their duty to Him, and the compassion to persevere for their sake. We pray that Allah will bless your efforts and grant you success. 91

032. Father drinks alcohol and refuses to pray

My father drinks alcohol and refuses to pray any of his prayers. How should I react to this? I live with him. Should I not talk to him and leave him, or should I continue a normal relationship with him? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

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036. She left good practice of Islam, suffered calamities, and wants to repent
She used to be a good Muslimah, wore hijab, pray, read Quran frequently, but then things changed. She became weak, prayed but not like before. She used to wear jilbab, but now its only a scarf She feels badly about things, and tries to return to how she used to be. Things went badly for her husband; he got into an accident, but didnt get hurt, Al-Hamdulillah. A business deal went wrong and lost a shop he wanted. Now the sister feels as though its because of her wrongdoing that her husband is having this trouble. What can I tell her? Will Allah forgive her and make things better for her husband? Is it because of her that these calamities are happening? Please help. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and peace upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. May Allah increase our repentant sister in faith and in her resolve to regain the level of emaan (faith) that she had previously. Surely Allah accepts the repentance of those who sincerely turn to Him for forgiveness, feel regret for their acts of disobedience, avoid such acts, and increase their good deeds. (Search of Fatwa section for other information and details.) As for her husbands difficulties, know that no burdened person (with sins) will bear the burden (sins) of another, (Quran 53:38) and that every person is a pledge for that which he has earned (Qur an 52:21) Allah is Just and He does not punish anyone for the sins of another. However, we can not assume that these difficulties are the result of wrongdoing, because Allah has promised that the believers will be tested to determine which of them are the best in deeds. Allah has Said(what means): We shall test you with something of fear, hunger,

loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity say: Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return. (Quran 3:155-156) These conditions are reminders to us that our emaan (faith) increases or decreases depending upon the level of our practice of Islam in our daily lives, the amount of knowledge of Islam we acquire and apply, and our constancy in good deeds, etc. We must strive to maintain good habits in our worship, such as making all prayers in the earliest portion of their time, wearing hijab as appropriate, having pure intentions to please Allah, reading Quran and other books of Islamic knowledge. In addition, Muslims should always keep company with other pious, righteous Muslims in order to learn and encourage one another in faith. We ask Allah to help us heed His reminders and increase our strength when we are weak, and grant us courage to begin each day intending to increase our faith and improve our devotion to Him.

040. Community doesnt want him to take Islam too seriously

I am an Afghan-born Canadian citizen and I have lived in Canada for most of my life. Allah guided me to the straight path. I am friendly with Muslim Arab brothers who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah. They helped me to understand the proper Islamic aqeeda. I started to memorize the Quran and reading books by Sheikh Al-Islam, Ibn Taymiyah. I also memorized the book of tawheed by Sheikh Al-Islam, Muhammad bin Abdul-Wahhab. When my community discovered that I was very much into Islamic study, they started talking and telling lies about me; they want me to return to grave-worshipping and other deeds of skirk. I have had enough, and now they are lying about me in order to discourage me from learning my religion. Please advise me.

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Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear brother, we praise Allah for calling you to His religion of Truth (Islam). Also, we commend your choice of company among the learned students of Islamic knowledge. We further congratulate you for your diligence and determination to immerse yourself in serious pursuit of this knowledge as did our righteous predecessors. However, we are reminded that among the realities of faith and facts of life is this that the true adherents to the Straight Path of Allah (As-Siraatul-Mustaqeem) are a small minority. The reason is that most of mankind deviate from that Path and is excessively attached to this world. The Quran describes the majority of the earths population: But most of the people do not know. [Quran 12:21] Most of the people do not believe [Quran 40:59] The degree of alienation varies from time to time, place to place, group to group; for Muslims are a minority among the inhabitants of this earth, and believers are a minority among the Muslims. Those of knowledge are few among the believers, and those defending the Prophets Sunnah are even fewer. In respect to this, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhe wa sallam) said, Verily, my community among communities is like a white hair on a black bull. [Al-Bukhari] These strangers find comfort in solitude and suffer isolation in the company of those who seek only to socialize. Even so, they cannot neglect their duties because Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) declared, The believer who mixes with people and is patient in the face of their offence is preferable to the believer who does not mix with people and is not patient with people and is not patient with their offence. [Ahmed and At-Tirmidhee] When people are lying about you and calling you to sinful practices

such as grave-worshiping is a time for taking heart rather than feeling oppressed. Faith is a claim, which needs proof. Steadfastness in times of hardship is a manifestation of faith and it is also the proof of its existence and its firmness. Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: We believe, and will not be tested? [29:2-3] Dear brother, by all means avoid the call to grave worshipping for it involves acts of major sin, seeking help from others than Allah. Some of these include acts of bowing, prostration, and going around the graves, kissing them, decorating the graves, placing food there, and arranging festivals there and the like. All such acts blind the spiritual eyes of people and lead away from the straight path. So we are to avoid falling into such practices, warn of their dangers, and call to the pure worship of Allah. The ways and methods of calling to the Way of Allah, He has already stated in His sacred Book and has been elucidated by our Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhe wa sallam). Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. (Al Quran 16: 125) (You may search our web site for details and additional information.) So dear brother may we all take heart and courage from the example of our righteous predecessors (May Allah be pleased with them all) to practice and call others to the path Allah has chosen for mankind. We pray that Allah will guide and protect you and inspire you to gain and use knowledge to spread His Word which is so greatly needed at this time.

042. Doesnt feel comfortable wearing hijab

I just started to wear my hijab at the beginning of this year. Now I feel really uncomfortable about wearing it. I feel like Im not ready to have it

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on any more. Ive been talking to me religious teacher and she said that if I feel uncomfortable about it then I should take it off and wear it when Im ready, so I told my parents about it and they said it is ok, but they also asked what will happen if I take it off and then got hit by a car or die in a couple of days or months. No one has been saying anything bad to me; I just feel like Im not ready. I thought about it and I would like your advice first before I take it off and I would like it as soon as possible if you dont mind. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, wearing of the hijab is mandatory, compulsory for every Muslim woman unless she is elderly, and even then it may be preferable for her to wear it to maintain respect and security from unwanted male attention. Wearing hijab is a sign of obedience to Allah, His Messenger, and a badge of belonging to the Muslim ummah; not to do so is a sign of disobedience of Allah, His Messenger and a sign of disbelief. You may verify this information on our web site or any authentic Islamic web site. There is no disagreement among the Muslim scholars about wearing the hijab, just as there is no disagreement about men wearing the beard. Since there is no compulsion or danger to you for wearing hijab, it is mandatory for you to do so. From our fatwa section you will see that there are many benefits to wearing hijab as well. Also, examine some of the articles by Muslim sisters on the topic of hijab and their experiences. You will find strength and renewed conviction in your faith, insha Allah, by obeying Allahs command for Muslim women. Also, see Quran and Sunnah, and hadith on this subject. When Allah sent the command for the women companions of the Prophet, may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him, to cover they immediately obeyed without question and remained faithful to Allahs order.

We pray that Allah will bless us to love what He has legislated, to hate what He has prohibited, and to increase us in fear of Him and punishment of the grave.

046. Wants to attend private college for women in USA

I am a student studying in the United States of America. This year is my last year in high school and I am now applying for college. I want to go to a private college for girls. I want to live in the college. Is it forbidden for a girl to live somewhere other than her home? Is it forbidden even if she lives in a place where it is all girls in the college? If it is okay for me to live in the college, then what do I do if people begin to think that I am running away from home and using college as an excuse? Please reply as soon as possible. Thank you very much. Allah bless you! Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, we pray that Allah will always guide and protect those who seek useful knowledge for His sake and for His cause. In Islam the education of women is of vital importance, for it is the woman as mother who is the primary teacher of the children about Islam, its practice and applicability within and outside the home. So it is essential that she is deeply knowledgeable about Aqeeda (Islamic faith) and fiqh (Islamic practice).The Muslim as a child should be taught, and should learn how to become a pious, practicing Muslim which only comes from correct knowledge. In regard to your question, you should know the rules regarding a Muslim woman living outside of her home, especially away from her family.

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By all means this matter should be discussed in detail with your parents and resolved in such a way that you will be provided with the protection necessary for a Muslim young woman. Without knowing the details of your educational plans, it is difficult to answer your inquiry in detail. (You may browse our web site, especially the Fatwa section for similar inquiries and our responses. Perhaps you will find an answer appropriate to your situation.) However, certain criterion should be considered: 1. Your reason for attending college should be acceptable in Islam, i. e. for Halal purposes. 2. Your field of study should be appropriate for a Muslim woman and needed in Islam. 3. You should be able to practice your religion freely and not be demanded to participate in practices contrary to Islam. 4. The college you attend should not have mixing between the sexes that fails to meet Sharia conditions. 5. Your being away from your family under such conditions should only be with the approval of your parents, guardian or mahram so that all necessary precautions are taken to protect you from temptations when outside the family setting. The question you raise about what people will think of your living away from home is a good one, because wherever possible the honor of the Muslim woman is to be protected from gossip and slander. In this regard, it may be helpful for whoever is responsible to you to inform other family members and other people who may need to know of their approval for your living away and your living arrangements. On the other hand, Muslims are advised to avoid being suspicious of each other because it leads to enmity, jealousy and division among them. May Allah increase us in knowledge useful for this life and for the Hereafter.

049. Celebrating Christmas

I took Shadadah a week ago. Christmas is coming up and my family is from people of the book. I am trying to decide what Christmas means to me now. If I celebrate the birth of Jesus then shouldnt I also celebrate the birth of Muhammad, Ibrahim, Moses, etc. (peace be upon them all.) What should I do? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear brother, welcome to Islam. May Allah bless and guide you always, keeping your feet firmly upon His right path and make it easy for you until you return to Him. The questions you raised are indeed appropriate for this time of year, and many Muslims, particularly in the West or in close proximity to Christians need to know the answers. Muslims do not celebrate birthdays of those mentioned in your question or of anyone else. Celebrating birthdays is bidah, and every bidah is innovation and every innovation leads to hellfire. (Search our web site regarding innovation, deviation from Islam, and shirk, worshipping anything other than Allah.) Muslims have two celebrations only the two Eids, Eid ul-Fitr to celebrate the end of Ramadan and Eid ul-Adha to celebrate the completion of Hajj. (Search our web site for details.) Dear brother, we encourage you to diligently seek knowledge of Islam as it is the obligation of every Muslim throughout his life. We pray that Allah will grant us useful knowledge of Islam and help us to apply it in our daily lives so that others may be drawn to this religion of light.

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051. Cutting kinship

Please advice me on how to relate to my family so as to stay clear from the sin of cutting kinship. I am 32 years, married with a child, Al-Hamdulillah. I am a revert for 14 years and committed to Islam. My family (mother, dad, brother, and 2 sisters) are Christians. I live in an island city, Mombasa, in the Indian Ocean. It is a part of Kenya and it is Muslim majority zone unlike my home city 700km away. My problem goes back to childhood. I was brought up as an orphan but my mother never revealed to me and she made me believe for 29 years of my life that my step-dad was my real dad! My heart had rejected him since I was 13 and I openly denounced him at 17. This was due to his tormenting way of disciplining me, whipping all the time, locking me out of house at night and sleep in the cold just because I didnt do some cleaning or school homework, etc. This deeply affected me psychologically and I even swore to never come back home after I finish my education. I contemplated running away from home many times but somehow I never did it for long. When I finished college, got a job in London, and moved where I settled for many years, I cut my links for maybe 3 years. Later, I communicated and somehow my family respected me more because I was financially stable and I even supported them many times, but my heart is still not at peace and comfort with them, especially because I am the only Muslim in my family. I have tried to make dawah but they like cash and not guidance. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessing upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

Dear brother in distress, Allah has so blessed you throughout your life in so many ways and has not let adversity overcome you in this worldly life. All praise in due Allah for His abundant Mercy upon you and us. As you know Allah Speaks with great favor about the orphan, that after our duty to Him, we are to be dutiful and good to our parents and kindred and then to the orphans (2:83, 4:36, 2:177, 8:41, etc.). Allah reminded the Prophet that He found him as an orphan and gave him refuge (93:6). So, through all of your hardships and harsh treatment Allah has strengthened you and given you the success of your efforts, Al-Hamdulillah. Most importantly, He brought you to Islam, and then blessed you with a family. All praise is to Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Dear brother, the fact that you showed compassion and supported your family after so many years of turmoil in your relations with them indicates that your heart wants to be at peace. We pray that Allah grant you the yearnings of your heart. We thank Allah for sending you to our website so that we can help you as best we can. First of all, as you probably know cutting of kinship ties is forbidden in Islam. There are many verses in Quran supporting this view: (47:22-23, 4:36, 17:23-24, 31:14, etc.) Also, you may search our web site for articles and the Fatwa section for details. Second, the purpose of maintaining good ties is to enjoin virtue on relatives, guide them to the right way when they seek advice and guidance, call them to the truth and teach them those religious matters that may not be familiar to them, etc. In short, all those actions that strengthen the family ties among relatives are considered as keeping good relations. Allah and His Prophet emphasized keeping good family ties. The rights of relatives vary: the nearest relative according to closeness deserves more right than the one more distant. The right of the parents is greater than that of any other person, next the rights of ones wife and children, then the rights of brothers and sisters, and so on.

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Third, it is not mandatory for you to support your family members (mother, step-father, etc.), but whatever you send them in the form of sadaqa is a blessing for you, insha Allah. Also, it is a way of softening the hearts of the disbelievers towards Islam and an opportunity to perform dawah. Whether they appreciate your efforts, your gifts, or your intentions should not be your primary concern that should be to please Allah, alone, because with Him is the reward. Allah Says that He is the best to appreciate and to reward and doing good to family members is certainly among the good deeds that merit reward as previously mentioned. Last, but not least, now that Allah has blessed you with your own family you may find it easier to forgive your parents for their mistreatment of you. You are away from them now, removed from their control, and no longer dependent upon them for your livelihood. In fact, you are able to contribute to their well-being financially, if you will, by giving good advice, and showing kindness. Your present status in life and good deeds toward them demonstrate the nobility of Islamic virtues over the selfishness of worldly values. We pray that Allah will ease your suffering, heal old wounds, mend broken hearts, and join your family members within the fold of Islam.

thinking of these barbarians and educate them that it is wrong. In the Bible Gods name appears over 7,000 times but in the Quran it appears not even once. WHY? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessing be upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Inquirer, it is obvious that you do not see any good in Islam, and you do not want to be convinced of any good in it. Otherwise, why would you be tempted to judge a religion only by those whom you see as being poor representatives (or in fact may not be members at all) when there are about 1.5 billion Muslims living in every sizeable country across the globe? In addition, if the validity of every religion is to be judged only by the behavior of its errant members, I am afraid that religion as such would be non-existent. In other words, the validity of a religion must be judged by its content, moral values, precepts, ability to meet mans needs, and its authenticity as a revealed religion from the Creator of all that exists, and not by the behavior of its members which is another matter. To illustrate this point, if one were to substitute the words Christianity for Islam, Christians for Muslims, and Bible for Quran in your inquiry one would see how inappropriate it is to equate the value of a religion with the behavior of some of its members (whether they are true members or not). However, you do raise an interesting point in your statement that In the Bible Gods name appears over 7,000 times but in the Quran it appears not even once. WHY? In the ancient texts upon which the Bible is based the deity you call God, is referred to as Yaweh, Elohim, Jehovah, and by other names, but nowhere in these manuscripts is the term God used to describe the Divine Being.

055. Misconceptions about Islam and Muslims

If Islam is such a peaceful religion, why do its members in so many parts of the world commit atrocities against others? Today it is becoming epidemic. It is a direct violation of the Quran to commit suicide but so many of the Muslim members readily volunteer their lives to become martyrs and blow themselves up along with thinking they will be met by Allah at the gates of heaven to be rewarded. FALSE! This is a direct contradiction of the Quran. How backward thinking can ones thoughts be? If Islam is the correct religion, why has there been infighting for power in it since the time of Prophets death? Today it is the same divisions. I think the most amazing thing I see that not any of the Muslim clergy do anything to correct the

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On the other hand, the Quran retains the original Name used by the Creator to identify Himself Allah. Still Allah is a transliterated word derived from the Arabic word of that name. In the original text of the Quran in Arabic, the word for Allah has been maintained since the Quran was first revealed to Prophet Muhammad more than 14 centuries ago. For your information the term Allah appears in the Quran more than 3000 times. In addition to Allah, The Creator the Narrator of the Quran refers to Himself by ninety-nine other Names (all of which pertain to His Attributes and qualities unique to Him alone), some are contained in the Quran, and some were revealed to Prophet Muhammad which he related to his companions. These latter names are known, documented, and are revered by Muslims. Allah also informed us that He has many other names that are known only to Himself. His ninety-nine names are all sacred and are sufficient for Mankind to know and refer to Him by until the Day of Judgment. Speaking of the Day of Resurrection, it is a day when no one will be concerned about what anyone else did during their earthly life. Allah Says in the Quran that on the Day of Resurrection, no friend will ask a friend (about his condition), though they shall be made to see one another. The sinner would desire to ransom himself from the punishment of that Day by his children, and his wife and his brother, and his kindred who sheltered him, and all that are in the earth, so that it might save him. By no means! Verily, it will be the Fire of Hell (Quran 70:10-15). So here, we repeat the Words of Allah that may benefit all who seek the truth and salvation in this earthly life, All the praises and thanks be to Allah, Who has sent down to His slave (Muhammad) the Book (Quran), and has not placed therein any crookedness. He has made it straight to give warning (to the disbelievers) of a severe punishment from Him, and to give glad tidings to the believers, who do righteous deeds, that they shall have a fair reward (i.e. Paradise). They shall abide therein forever. (l8:1-3) May Allah open our hearts to the Mercy He has shown to Mankind in Islam for our benefit in this worldly life and for the life to come. May we

remind each other of our faults with kindness, encourage one another with patience, and instruct each other with the Truth.

057. Christian Interested in Islam

Hello! I wanted to see what I can do. I am a Catholic and married to a Muslim man, but he is not very religious. We both have not prayed for a long time or went to church or mosque and really I want to go to a mosque with my husband and pray together. He said we will, but we have not done it yet. We both feel like a heavy weight is within us and I know we both need God again in our life. What can I do to get us both motivated to go to a mosque together where I can learn a lot? I do have many Muslim friends online but we dont talk much online. I have been on many sites reading about Islam and really I am very interested and I would go to a mosque here but I am a very shy person. Thanks. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessing upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear inquirer, We thank Allah for touching your heart and guiding you to our web site for help and to gain knowledge about Islam. There is much in your letter that requires some comment. But first, let me state that Islam as revealed through Prophet Muhammad is a call to mankind to submit to the Will of God (Allah) and is the only religion that will be accepted on the Day of Judgment. All Prophets and Messengers of Allah v(God) were sent to their respective tribes, nations, peoples, but the last Prophet, Muhammad (may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him) was sent to all mankind. The

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book he (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him) was given, the Quran, and his teachings, etc. were the final revelations from God (Allah) to the human family until the Day of Resurrection. A Muslim is one who submits his will to the Will of Allah and lives according to Quran and the teachings (Sunnah) as revealed to Prophet Muhammad (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him). You may visit other places on our site for more general information or details according to your interest. Second, we must emphasize that becoming a Muslim must be done for one reason only to seek the pleasure of Allah alone and for His sake only; no other reason is acceptable. The purpose for which man was created was to worship Allah alone; this fact is repeatedly stated in the Quran (the Speech of Allah). So we hope that your interest in Islam will lead you to the worship of Allah, the sole purpose of all our lives. Third, a Muslim man, if he is a true believer, is the ideal man for a believing woman for marriage. In fact, he is the only acceptable mate for a believing (Muslim) woman. In other words, a Muslim woman cannot be married to any one other than a Muslim husband. For this reason too, it is increasingly important that your husband return to the obligatory prayers and his Islamic obligations without fail, because if he does not, then according to most Muslim scholars he will have gone out of Islam and will not be a suitable husband for a Muslim woman. Fourth, you mentioned wanting to go to the mosque to pray with your husband and to learn about Islam. In Islam men and women do not pray together in the mosque. In fact, there is more reward for women to pray in their homes, and this is true for most prayers with the exception of the Eid prayers. Allah knows best. It is also commendable for the husband to teach his wife about Islam at home since men and women are separated in the mosque. Fifth, it is important to base ones faith in Islam upon correct knowledge and understanding of the religion. Search our web site for articles and

information about the pillars of Islam and articles of faith, and the meaning of the shahada. After the declaration of faith (Shahada), prayer is most important. Indeed, Allah has made the prayer the beacon of His religion. He has ordered us to be mindful of it, saying, which means Guard strictly your prayers, especially the middle prayer, and stand before Allah will all devotion (2:238). The performance of prayer is one of the greatest tokens of faith, the most significant of religious ceremonies, and the surest way to thanking Allah for His boundless favors. To neglect it is to be separated from God, His Mercy, His favors, and to be denied His Kindness and blessings. Learn about how and when the required prayers are made, and seek instructions on the details of performing them. In addition to devotion to prayer, a Muslim needs to gain knowledge about Islam. Knowledge deepens our understanding, appreciation of and devotion to this greatest of religions. To gain knowledge of Islam, we need to surround ourselves with pious Muslims, teachers of Islam, read Islamic materials and spend some time in study. One should read the Quran daily and spend time thinking about its meaning. In this way you will find your self being lifted up and closer to the Creator. Study, study, study about Islam and ask questions. We are here to help as much as we can. Lastly, by all means try to find a way to engage your husband in deepening your search for the truth and spiritual unity and harmony in your marriage. Discuss this matter with your husband. Tell him in a nice way that you would like to be able to pray together, read Quran and Islamic literature to one another, attend Islamic social events together and develop relations with other pious married couples. May Allah open the hearts of all those who seek the truth, make us receptive to it, and bless us in this life and the next. We pray Allah to open wide the path that leads to Him and grant peace to His believing servants.

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087. Being white he feels like a token Muslim in Canada

I live in Canada. I have been a Muslim for less than a year. While I can practice my religion, I feel at odds living here because I feel like Im a token Muslim or a white Muslim who is just good on brochures to propagate Islam. Its great to live in Canada but I am wondering about immigrating to the Middle East. I know there I can truly embrace Islam as one should - the entire society is based around Islam. However, I am scared. I am very worried that I could be harmed there or hated because of the colour of my skin despite the fact that Islam is for all mankind. Or that radical Islam takes place in some countries. You know what I mean? I have a family and this is a serious thing to think about. I think moving to Iraq would be a serious mistake, but how about Turkey or Egypt perhaps those are more liberal societies? What kind of job could I do? I just dont know and I would love advice from brothers about this matter. Maybe Muslims (the entire Ummah) would rather I stay in Canada for our benefit to propagate Islam. However, I then feel like a tool and dont consider I am truly respected by the Muslim community. I dont know. Maybe culture does play an important role in Islam and moving to the Middle East would be a huge mistake. Thanks for any help you can give me. Peace. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear Brother, we thank Allah for admitting you to His religion of Islam. We pray that He will strengthen your heart and increase you in iman(faith) so that you will be a strong witness for Him wherever you may be. Dear Brother, when you bore witness that there is none who deserves to be worshipped except Allah and that Muhammad is His Messenger you became a Muslim

and became a part of the Ummah (nation) of believers throughout the world. Allah Says, And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allah (i.e. this Quran), and be not divided among yourselves, and remember Allahs Favour on you, for you were enemies one to another but He joined your hearts together, so that, by His Grace, you became brethren (in Islamic Faith) ... (Quran 3:103). Allah also Says, And be not as those who divided and differed among themselves after clear proofs had come to them (3:106). Islam obliterates past sins and lays the foundation for right guidance until the Day of Judgment. Allah has made us into nations and tribes that we might know one another, not for disputing and fighting, but to worship Him as one family. Prophet Muhammad (may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him) said in a sermon that No doubt, your blood and your properties are sacred to one another ... till you meet your Lord (Bukhari). In his farewell sermon the Prophet, may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him, in formed those present that every Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. You are all equal. Nobody has superiority over another except by piety and good action (Bukhari). So race, culture, language, nationality, economic status, etc. are not criteria which distinguish who are superior in Islam; that standard has been established by our Creator and it is piety and good deeds. As far as migration is concerned, Islam demolishes all the previous evil deeds and so does migration for Allahs sake and Hajj (pilgrimage to Mecca). It is obligatory for Muslims who live in the lands of disbelief to migrate to the land of the believers if they are able and can do so. (Search our site for information and details.) All Muslims who are able (capable) are required to make pilgrimage to Mecca at least once during their lifetime. The experience of Hajj and Umrah will increase their appreciation for the universality of Islam as one family across nationalities, races, languages, cultures, colors, etc. in the worship of the one true God. We advise you to make every effort to perform Hajj at your earliest opportunity to fulfill this right of Allah over you. Allahs Messenger (may Allahs peace and

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blessing be upon him) said, (The performance of) Umrah is an expiation for the sins committed (between it and the previous one). And the reward of Hajj Mabrur (the one accepted by Allah) is nothing except Paradise. (Bukhari). Finally, in all of our affairs we are to remember Allah much, seek His good Pleasure, purify our hearts and our intentions for Him alone, try our best to love what He has legislated and to hate what He has prohibited, and to be kind and loving to the believers. May Allah increase us all in Taqwa (fear of Him as He should be feared) and to be on Tawheed (understanding of the Oneness of Allah).

Dear Sister, all praise is to Allaah for guiding you to the Light of Islam and opening your heart to His Truth. We pray that Allaah will increase you in faith and establish you firmly in Islam. From your letter it appears that you are living in America and in an area where there are few Muslims to support you in your faith. That can be very difficult for any one who sincerely wants to be a practicing Muslim. In spite of the lack of pious companions, there is much that you can do to help increase your faith. When a person professes the Shahadah (confession of a Muslim), La ilaha illaha, Muhammad-ur-Rasul-Allah (None had the right to be worshipped but Allaah, and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allaah), he becomes a Muslim. This testimony of faith must be affirmed first by public declaration on the tongue, second by sincere belief in the heart, and finally by demonstration through ones actions (deeds). Islam is built on five pillars: Shahadah, Sallah (prayer), Zakah (giving of alms), Saum (observing fast), and Hajj (performing the pilgrimage). Observation of these Pillars is evidence that a person has established faith in Allaah, the Almighty. There is no Islam if these pillars are not observed, or if any of them are neglected. After the declaration of faith (Shahadah), prayer is most important. Indeed, Allaah has made the prayer the beacon of His religion. He has ordered us to be mindful of it, saying, which means, Guard strictly your prayers, especially the middle prayer, and stand before Allaah with all devotion (2:238). The performance of prayer is one of the greatest tokens of faith, the most significant of religious ceremonies, and the surest way to thanking Allaah for His boundless favors. To neglect it is to be separated from God, His Mercy, His favors, and to be denied His Kindness and blessings. Faith (emaan) increases and decreases according to the attention we give to practicing Islam in our daily living. In addition to devotion to prayer,

094. Wants to become a better Muslim

(19 female student, Syria) I would like some advice in general on how to become a better Muslim because I know deep down in my heart that Islam is the right path and I would like to go onto that path without being lost or even having to hesitate for a moment. I am Muslim alhumdullah and I do say Shahada but do not do everything that I should do. I was born in Syria and raised in America and my mother did all that was possible, (taking us to Sunday school and to the masjed,etc.) with the circumstances we had and the time availability she had to teach us to be good Muslims, but growing up here and especially in an area where there were no fellow Muslims around (at school) I have become stuck in between two worlds(the Muslim and the kafer) and I would like to be on only one side, the Muslim. I feel like I am wasting my life away and need a lot of direction. Inshallah maybe you can give me just some words of wisdom to help me. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. We praise Allaah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions.

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a Muslim needs to gain knowledge about Islam. Knowledge deepens our understanding, appreciation of and devotion to this greatest of religions. To gain knowledge of Islam, if possible we need to surround ourselves with pious Muslims, teachers of Islam, read Islamic materials and spend some time in study. One should read the Quran daily and spend time thinking about its meaning. In this way you will find yourself getting closer to Allaah and feeling more secure in your religion. Since you mentioned that you are a student, but added no further details, it is difficult to advise you further about your specific situation, but you can search our site, especially our Fatwa Corner for rulings, information, and details about studying, working, and living among non-believers. Whatever you find there that is appropriate to you, we would encourage you to do your best to apply it to your life and increase your practice of Islam. May Allaah make all of our difficulties easy as we seek to please Him.

II. Psychological problems generally

021. Angry with her mother for feelings of neglect during adolescence
I am a 28 year-old Muslim woman and have suffered severe psychological and other problems since my teenage years. The reason is family problems. I feel that my parents devoted most of their time and attention to my sister (who was very difficult drinking alcohol, going with boys, etc.) and neglected me. I feel that I grew up without parents. My mother admits her mistakes but I feel immense anger toward her. I still suffer from problems and blame my mother for neglecting me. We argue and shout a lot and there is constant stress and tension in the house. I try very hard to stop. I say my prayers but cannot control my anger. I am very scared because I know that the duty toward ones mother is paramount in Islam. How can I ask for forgiveness? Will I go to hell? I am not a bad person just very emotionally damaged. Response: In the Name of Allah, the most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, We praise Allah and thank Him for all of the innumerable blessings that He has provided us, especially we are grateful to Allah for parents who provide and protect us when we are small and unable to care for our selves. We thank Allah that our trials are not beyond our capacity to bear and that He brings us out of every difficulty stronger and wiser for the experience. Dear Sister, unresolved emotional conflicts carried over from adolescence to adult life can be quite painful and, if left unresolved can result in considerable

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unhappiness. From your letter, it would seem that you are very unhappy, which is quite different from being very emotionally damaged, or suffering from severe psychological and other problems. I suggest that you consider being less hard on yourself so that you can find the solution that you seem to want for your situation. Lets see what this statement means. First, you are able to express your feelings of resentment toward your parents, your mother in particular, for neglecting you during your teen years. You also know, at least intellectually, that she had a reason for her actions, that is, she focused her attention on your sister who had problems with alcohol, dating boys, etc. Second, your mother admits her mistake, meaning she is sorry that she was not there for you when you needed her. From your mothers admission, it would seem that she wants you to forgive her. Do you want to? Third, you know that Islam requires us to be dutiful to our parents, especially our mothers who bore us in pain and suffering, and cared for us when we were unable to care for ourselves. Allah has said what means that after our duty to Him next is our duty to our parents, which is a life-long obligation without a doubt. Fourth, you realize that your anger toward your mother is inappropriate and you want to be forgiven. Clearly, if we want Allah to forgive us our sins, we need to be forgiving of others, especially our parents and family members. What is so hard about forgiving your mother for her mistake? Put yourself in her situation for a moment. There she was with a daughter, who drank alcohol and dated boys, etc. (whatever etc. means). She also had you, a daughter who on the surface at least didnt seem to need much of her attention. Perhaps she was overwhelmed by the dangers facing your sister and focused her attention on the child who needed her the most. You seem to understand that, but perhaps your feeling of jealousy toward your

sister getting so much attention is still getting in the way of forgiving your mother? Parenting is not easy; parenting doesnt come with experience. Its learned on the job. I doubt that you want your mother to feel that she failed your sister and you too. But isnt that the kind of burden that you are asking her to bear, unless youre willing to forgive her? If you can let yourself understand her suffering, perhaps you can tell her so. Perhaps, you and your mother need a good cry together, forgive one another, and seek Allahs forgiveness. We thank Allah for surrounding us with His Knowledge, and His unending Graciousness to us, and forgiving us when we turn to Him in humility and repentance. We pray that Allah will touch our hearts so that we will always seek relief in His Mercy from our every difficulty.

022. Still suffering, but wants to forgive although it is difficult

Thank you for your kind advice. And I am sorry to write to you again. Seeing your words in writing have helped me somewhat. Re your question, why do I find it very hard to forgive my mother. The reason is that to this day,if! ask my mother for help or support on a matter, she refuses most of the time. Only last week my mother told me that she would not be able to help me prepare for my journey overseas (I am going to live overseas for a long period of time) because my sister needed her. This is despite the fact I had asked her for help before my sister. In her words your sister is more important right now and these are the words I have heard from her for the past 14 years. As a result, when I was 14 years of age, I developed severe anorexia (I was only 6 and a half stones) and I suffered from severe depression, for 8 years. When I begged my mother to help me through the depression, she told me I dont have time for you, your sister needs me more. I remember her exact words to this day because they hurt me deeply. I ask of you, in Islam, how can a mother turn her back on her daughter like

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this, when her daughter is begging for her help? I do everything for my mother - cooking, cleaning, laundry, looking after her when ill. I dont feel I deserve it. I respect and accept your advice. Despite my unhappiness, I will forgive my mother and ask her forgiveness for my harsh words to her. You are right, my mother did take care of me as a child and nurse me in sickness. She bought me many things. She fulfilled all of my needs except my emotional ones. We have only one chance at life and I could not live with myself or face Allah in my prayers if something happened to her and this had not been resolved. Thank you for your kind time. It is important for me to resolve this within the framework of Islam. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, All praise is to Allah for sending help to His servants who call upon Him sincerely and with humility. We thank Allah that He has not left us alone, and has promised that His help is ever near. Thank you for your letter explaining in more details the circumstances facing you. Indeed, you have tremendous inner strength and a will to maintain your emotional balance. Allah has indeed blessed you to bring you thus far with a sense of wholeness and personal integrity to face still new challenges, with His help. Dear Sister, you have reflected much upon your past relationship in your family life, your emotional needs, your dissatisfaction with your mothers limited willingness to respond to them, and your relationship surrounding

your sisters needs. In this letter you describe in some detail how you have tried to cope with your feelings of rejection, frustration, and, perhaps, even rage and self-hatred for not being loved as you would like. Can you now see that your mother may not be able to love you the way that you want her to? She can only love within the capacity or ability that she possesses. AI-Hamdulillah, despite all that you have suffered you continue to do all that you can for your mother. Allah has promised that the reward for the good deeds of His servants is never lost; they who continue to do good deeds in the face of adversity will have their reward multiplied many times over. So, be of good cheer that you have Islam, as your foundation for living and it has not failed you. Now, lets look toward the future. You are going to move out and live abroad for a long time. What a wonderful opportunity to test your self-reliance and to experience the joy of fulfilling your own aspirations in a different way! So much of your life, insha Allah, lies ahead and you are fully prepared to achieve your fullest potential. Know that your mother has done her best for you. Thank Allah for all that she has been able to do for you and for your sister. When you are gone, she may be better able to care for your sister. Knowing that you understand, appreciate, and love her may release both of you for the ease that you both so much desire. Allah has promised that after every difficulty there is ease. Now, Dear Sister, is your time to look toward a new horizon. By the Grace of Allah a new day in your life has dawned. Continue to devote much time in the study of Islam, in prayer and devotion, in doing good deeds, and in the company of righteous and pious companions. Allah has promised to draw nearer to His servants as they draw near to Him. As you draw nearer to Allah you will find even more inner peace, strength and the love you have so longed for. May Allah bless our pathways on this journey called life that leads back to Him, our journeys end.

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41. Suffering from the trauma of early sexual experiences

(Female Iran) I am a 32 year-old single female. When I was 10 years of age my uncle raped me and I lost my virginity. I didnt tell anyone about what happened to me because at that time I didnt know the meaning of what happened at that time. I masturbated excessively. When I was 17 years old one of my male teachers saw that I was sad, I told him about my problem. He didnt believe me and had sexual relations with me. I told him that what we were doing was adultery but he told me that it is not adultery. I felt guilty about this and I pray for God to forgive me. I was good for some years, but recently I became addicted to pornography and I returned to masturbating frequently. Even during my menstrual cycle I masturbate by fruits and also by introducing of my finger into my anus. I cry after doing these shameful things. I feel that I do these things compulsively. I suspect that God will not forgive me for these things. What can I do to return to the straight path? Can I forgive my uncle for what he did to me. Can I become a good wife after these traumas? If one person wants to marry me can I tell him about what happen to me? Many thanks to you if you can help me. Response: In the Name of Allaah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. We praise Allaah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, we pray that Allaah in His infinite Mercy and Compassion will ease your suffering, grant you the healing which only He can give, and grant you peace which results from submission to Him in sincere repentance. Dear Sister, from the suffering that you have described, we are reminded of the wisdom of Allaahs prohibition of entering into sexual activity outside of marriage

and of His Mercy of establishing and making marriage easy for all who wish to live a righteous life. Allaah has greatly blessed the institution of marriage to protect our private parts from prohibited sex and to establish the foundation for the Muslim family. Therefore all of the sexual acts that you have been engaged in are sins and must be repented for; your uncle must seek repentance for his despicable sin of rape and incest, your teacher for his sins with you, and you for any responsibility you may have had for those acts as well as for engaging in masturbation. We remind you and ourselves that Allaah is the All-Seer, All-Knower, so for the healing which we are so in need to occur, we must seek Allaahs Pleasure by submitting in sincere repentance to Him for all of our acts of disobedience to Him. You are advised to do so and vow never to repeat such acts again, be steadfast in prayer and remembrance of Allaah, engage in righteous activities, surround yourself with pious companions, and avoid being alone if possible. You need to avoid sexual thoughts and sexual stimulation as much as possible. Fasting is greatly recommended for the unmarried person as a means of reducing and controlling sexual desire. (Search our Fatwa Corner and other advisories for details about the activities for Muslims who seek a righteous way of life.) Yes, you can be a good wife after these experiences. However, in order to do so, you must seek to establish the proper relationship with your Lord, as we have said, and be determined to establish your life on Islamic principles. Allaah has promised to forgive those who are sincere in repentance, so your life will then be free of the guilt and shame you feel as a result of the practices from which you suffer so greatly, Allaah willing. Without a doubt you should consider getting married, especially if you find that you will not be able to control your sexual desires outside of marriage. In that case, you should seek a pious husband using Islamic methods (search our site for details). There is no need to tell him or anyone else about your prior sins after you have repented of them. What Allaah has covered by His Mercy, no one, even ourselves should uncover. As far as the uncle you mentioned is concerned, based upon what little information you provided, it is better to avoid being alone with him, and to limit your contacts with him. There is no harm in asking Allaah to remove

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hatred and bitterness from your heart regarding anyone, because cleansing the heart of impurity brings rest and peace to the heart which then proceeds throughout the whole body and mind. Muslims are instructed to love and to hate for Allaahs sake alone. We love what Allaah has legislated and we hate what He has prohibited; in this way, we seek Allaahs protection from the deception of the life and trials of this world. How to make sincere repentance can be found in Fatwa no. 347. In order to remain steadfast in Islam, please refer to Fataawa 5316, 4357, and 6260. Finally, we supplicate to Allaah to protect you from temptation and grant you a successful life in this world and in the Hereafter as well.

You might say that my feelings verge on the paranoid, and that I am hyper-sensitive to others feelings toward me. I know that sounds weird, but these problems have ruined my ability to complete my education and to hold a job, and as I mentioned marriage is not practical--for who would marry someone trapped inside his house most of the time? Its embarrassing to say, but its true. I am overcome with feelings of guilt for not being able to overcome this situation. I question whether a true Muslim would live a life such as this. Because I am adept at hiding my problems from others, the Muslims I know cannot understand why I am so unsuccessful in my life--in both the Islamic and world senses--and criticise me for what they consider a lack of motivation, or worse. Because my problems are complicated I dont usually discuss them with others, and the few times I did I received no understanding or support. This has caused a lot of resentment on my part, and just more guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Because I have been so isolated and kept from a normal life, I have unfortunately not lived as upright a life as is expected of a Muslim, and have unfortunately fallen into some sinful actions. For these I take full responsibility, and understand that personal problems are no excuse for evil behavior. It is my intention to work towards a stronger level of Iman (faith) than I currently hold and to make up for the wrongs I have done. From this brief outline, what would you advise? Are true psychological/ mental problems something that Allah tests us with as he would test us with other hardships in this life, or are they a sign of weakness of faith? Im not seeking absolution, but only that modicum of understanding which I, honestly, have not gained from the Muslims I have known. I dont blame them, because there are cultural differences involved; however, it would be nice to not always be made to feel like an outsider. Thanks.

064. Responsibility for Psychological Problems

(Not Employed) USA I was raised as a Christian but accepted Islam when I was about 20, alhamdulillah. I am now in my mid-40s. I fulfill the basic requirements of my faith, and consider Islam as the only truly meaningful thing in life. I reject sectarian interpretations of Islam, and I seek Islamic knowledge from those who follow the way of the Salaf (predecessors,) generally speaking. I recognize that I am fully responsible before Allah for the sins I commit, and I hold a strong hope that He overlooks my intentional and unintentional misdeeds. That said, I have certain life-long psychological problems which have prevented me from living what I would consider a normal life, and which have prevented me from fulfilling those things which bring a Muslim good in this life and the hereafter, such as marriage, employment etc. Basically, I experience grave difficulties in interpersonal and group social situations--you could say that I am extremely shy, but really it goes way beyond that. Normal activities, such as shopping or social gatherings, are painful.

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Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Brother, All praise is to Allah for sending help to His servants who call upon Him sincerely and with humility. We thank Allah that He has not left us alone, and has promised that His help is ever near. Dear Brother, I agree with you that you are living a very miserable existence, especially because at every turn there seems to be no way out, and no one seems to understand. Yes, you are adept at hiding your problems from others; in fact you dont share much in your statement to us. I can understand your feeling lack of trust, rejection, etc., but where has that led except to feelings of resentment, more guilt and feelings of inadequacy, and further isolation? So, you can see the cycle being repeated and you become even more insolated from trying to reach out. But, thanks to Allah you say you want a better life and you are reaching out to us. We thank Allah that He has not left you alone. We thank Allah that you have the basic requirements (your words) of Islam. Well, lets put it to work for you. Allah Said that His help is never far from His servants. He Says (what means), They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, When (will come) the Help of Allah? Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allah is near! (Quran 2:214) You state that I recognize that I am fully responsible before Allah for the sins I commit, and that I hold a strong hope that He overlooks my intentional and unintentional misdeeds. In Islam we do not hope or trust that Allah will overlook our sins; we hope and trust that He will forgive our sins as He is the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful, and has promised to forgive all sins after sincere repentance. So, you must go to Allah in prayer, especially in

sujuud (prostration), call upon Him for forgiveness, confess to Him your sins, pour your heart out to Him as one who is broken-hearted and seeking the help that only can come from Him. Yes, Allah is the All-Seeing, AllKnowing, Almighty, the One Who can do whatever He wills, but He loves us to call upon Him so that He can answer our call. Allah commands: Seek the forgiveness of your Lord, and turn to Him in repentance, that He may grant you good enjoyment (11:3) Patience is also to be applied when seeking forgiveness. Allah Says: So be patient (O Muhammad). Verily, the Promise of Allah is true, and ask forgiveness for your fault and glorify the praises of your Lord in the (Asr) and (Fajr) prayers. (40:55) Further, He Says (which means): take Straight Path to Him (with true Faith) and obedience to Him, and seek forgiveness of Him.(41:6) When one is afflicted with hardship it is helpful to recite the dua: Whatever Allah has ordered! We belong to Allah and to Him we are returning. O Allah, reward me in my affliction and make what is after it better for me. (Muslim) We are also reminded that Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship, ease. (65:7) Verily, along with every hardship is relief. Verily, along with every hardship is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs). (94: 5-6) Finally, dear brother, we are reminded of Allahs Words regarding the person who reaches mid-life (which means): when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon meand that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please YouTruly, I have turned to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims (submitting to Your Will). (46:15) What frequently are called psychological problems are really manifestations of being preoccupied with the whisperings of Satan. The cure for such problems is to turn to Allah (The Only Power) in sincere repentance, seeking His forgiveness and help.

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That is our advice to you and to spend much time in prayer and devotion to Allah. As you get closer to Allah, you should find your condition easing and your activities less restricted, insha Allah. (Search our site for other information and details regarding worship, increasing ones faith, and doing good deeds. By all means contact us again should you need us.) O Allah! Let the Light of Your Guidance reach the darkest corners of our lives, give radiance to our character and brighten our countenance.

and answering some of the questions he had in his mind. So, after reading the whole Qur>an in a couple of nights, he became convinced about the truth and he decided to convert, which he did the next day. This brother over the last year has spent so much time studying Islam and after talking to him, he seemed to have been a Muslim for a long time when you consider the amount of knowledge that he already possessed. He is very devout and feels so motivated to make Hijrah. So, my question to you is: Is it possible for one to hear such voices? This brother somehow believes it was Allah (Almighty) speaking to him. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear inquiring brother, we ask Allah to continue to bless your friend with knowledge of Islam, devotion to study, and reward his intention to make Hijrah for His sake. May Allah also bless you for your concern about your friend and Muslim brother. Now it is difficult to answer your question about hearing voices, especially since you are not the person who had this experience. In general, though, Im sure that most people can say that something told me to do such and such, or a voice told me this or that, not meaning that they had an auditory experience of hearing, but rather an internal feeling as though it was a voice speaking to them. In other instances, people have reported that their attention was focused on something so intently that it seemed that a voice had told them to do so. There are numerous accounts of intuitive experiences that have led to new discoveries, inventions, and unexplainable feats, many of which were preceded by hearing what was

069. Hears voices from the shelf where he left the Quran
I have a friend who recently converted to Islam about a year ago. When I asked him about how he found Islam, he told me a very interesting story! He came from a Buddhist background, but born and grew up in the US. He said he did not used to believe in God at all. Then, one day he was watching a movie and somehow the story in the movie triggered his interest in searching about the truth. So, he started with Christianity, Judaism, and other religions. None of them interested him. Then one day he asked a coworker of his who was a Muslim about his belief. Obviously, this Muslim never did any dawah to him. So, he told him as Muslims we believe in the Quran. So, the fellow asked him to borrow the Quran. So, he got one, and when he took it home and tried to read the introduction he got confused and decided to return it to the Muslim brother the next day. Here is the interesting part: He said the next night while in his room he kept hearing a voice from the shelf where the previous night he left the Quran. This voice was telling him that he should go back and read the Quran. He ignored it first, but then he kept hearing it over and over. Then the next day he told his coworker to get him a Quran that he can keep. So, when he received it, and some night he decided to read but this time to skip the introduction. So, he said while reading the chapters, he kept hearing the voice speaking to him

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reported to be a voice, or voices. These experiences are rather common and do not fall into the category of auditory hallucinations, which are psychological abnormalities. On the other hand, we know that Allah no longer speaks to human beings, because revelation ceased with the last Prophet of Allah, Muhammad (may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him). So we know that the door to revelation closed with the death of Prophet Muhammad and that it is kufr for anyone to claim that Allah Speaks to him. Yet some people may feel that due to their life experiences, constancy of religious practice, or faith, etc. that they have something special in their lives. It is reported that Allahs Apostle said, Among Allahs Worshippers there are some who, if they took Allahs Oath (for something) Allah fulfills their oaths. (Bukhari) Again, since you are not the person making the claim of hearing these voices, these general statements conclude what we can say on this matter. As Muslims we can stand firm on the knowledge that Allah guides to Islam whom He wills. How He does so may vary. We pray that Allah makes steadfast the faith of those whom He has guided in this world and that they (we) will be joined with those believers who proceeded us into the next in Paradise.

jealous of her because I know Allah has given her good luck and looks rather than to me. Many times through Islamic lessons I have tried to not be jealous. I succeeded for a very short time, but because of people using a double standard of behavior and comparing my self to her my jealousy started again. Once I thought may be because of my behavior people dont like me so I changed and tried to be as good as I can to all and followed the Islamic rules of manners, but unfortunately no positive response. Please help me to get over this problem forever because I know it is destroying my life in this world and for the life to come. Mentally it disturbs me a lot and I behave so badly to all. My other problem is also because of my looks I feel very bad because of my height. When I go out or meet people I feel that they are looking down at me as inferior, and they really do, so we all know it is not just my feeling. I cant change my looks or people habits, but maybe I can make myself strong. Please advise me what I should do to avoid these feelings. Because of these problems I have become a mental patient; I have lost my confidence, hope, and every thing in this world seems meaningless to me. I dont have any aim or desire in my life. I am just waiting to die. My hands are empty; I feel that neither my Allah nor people are happy with me. Thank you. I am waiting for your advice. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, we thank Allah for sending you to our site and we ask Allah to relieve your suffering and grant you the peace that only He can give. The problem you face and its solution is a reminder to us all that the purpose for which Allah has created us (all) is to worship Him and Him alone. Our looks, abilities,

082. She feels that she has an inferiority complex.

I am a 24-year old girl and I have three sisters all of whom are more beautiful than I. Compared to them I am short and ugly. I also look younger than my age. Since childhood I have been quiet and sensitive; I used to become sad and cry over very small things. Also, I am the most religious person in my family. My problem is that I get jealous of my younger sister because people like her a lot and pay more attention to her than to me. My mother always blames me whenever we fight and says that I am bad because I am jealous of her. She may be right. I dont want to be

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height, shape, skin color, race, nationality, tribe, etc. are all from Allah, the All-Knower, the Most Merciful. He placed us in our condition for a reason and purpose, perhaps unknown to us, but still it is to worship Him alone. In his farewell message the Prophet (may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him) stated that we are all equal and that no one has superiority over another except in piety and good deeds. So, we must be grateful to Allah for all He has given us and make use of it as a form of worship to please Him, the One to Whom we will return. We need to stay focused on this objective and not be led astray. Allahs Messenger (may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him) also said in his farewell address that Satan has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead us astray in big things, and warned us to beware of following him in small things. A major part of your problem is that you are too focused upon wanting to please other people, have them like you, and be accepted by them. We all want to be liked, accepted, etc., but not to the extent that if we are not accepted as we are we become depressed and find life meaningless. So, we dont want to go to that extreme for the approval of other people. During our growing up years it is easy to become distracted by comparing ourselves, particularly our weaknesses or less likeable qualities with others around us, especially our siblings. When parents, our peers, or other adults reinforce our unfavorable assessment of ourselves, our sense of self-worth is further reduced, increasing our jealously, disputes, and loss of focus in the worship of Allah. But, as we mature (you are now twenty-four years of age) we begin to find a balance between our weaknesses and our strengths. In your case, you have religious qualities and assets at your disposal which you have not made sufficient use of. Therein lies your (and our) greatest strength and we advise you to explore it to its fullest potential. The following hadith is cited to remind you and us in this regard. Narrated Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him): Once I was behind the Prophet, may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him, and he said: O boy, I will teach you a few words: (a) Be loyal and obedient to Allah

[worship Him (Alone)], remember Him always, obey His Orders. He will save you from every evil and will take care of you in all the spheres of life. (b) Be loyal and obedient to Allah, you will find Him near (in front of you) i.e. He will respond to your requests. (c) If you ask, ask Allah. (d) If you seek help, seek help from Allah. (e) Know that if all the people get together in order to benefit you with something, they will not be able to benefit you in anything except what Allah has decreed for you. And if they all get together in order to harm you with something they will not be able to harm you in anything except what Allah has decreed for you. The pens have stopped writing [Divine (Allahs) Preordainments]. And (the ink over) the papers (Book of Decrees) have dried. [This Hadith is quoted in Sahih At-Tirmidhi] In addition, we advise you to remain busy with religious activities and pursuing noble goals for your life here and in the Hereafter (search our site for details in articles, fatawa, and other advisories). We ask Allah to give you the success of your efforts and abundantly reward you.

090 Has difficulty controlling her anger

I find it very difficult to control my anger and get very upset very quickly and at the smallest thing, e.g. when I cant watch my TV program because other family members are talking amongst themselves. I have tried reading dua but still not helped. What would you advise? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, finding it difficult to control ones anger and becoming very upset very

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quickly, among other things, are indications that one lacks patience. Allah says in many verses of the Quran that we should be patient: in Surah 3:186 Allah Says (interpretation that means): ... but if you persevere patiently, and become Al-Muttaqun (the pious) then verily, that will be a determining factor in all affairs (and that is from the great matters which you must hold on with all your efforts). Allah Says also (interpretation that means): 0 you who believe! Endure and be more patient (than your enemy) ... and fear Allah, so that you may be successful (3:200). Allah Says in addition (interpretation that means): And be patient; verily, Allah wastes not the reward ofthe good-doers (11:115). These exhortations from Allah are for those who believe in His Message sent through His Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam), the Quran and the respected Sunnah, and as they were understood by his companions. The virtue of patience requires that a person remain steadfast on the chosen path, without deviating due to any trouble, difficulty, or temptation to deviate from the truth. The believers are also reminded that controlling ones anger is a sign of strength. It is reported that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said, A strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is the person who contains himself when he is angry (Al-Muwatta hadith). In addition, he (Sallallahu Alaihhhi wa Sallam) is reported to have said that when we are angry we should seek refuge in Allah from Satan and that our anger should then subside. In another long hadith the Prophet is reported as saying, Some are swift to anger and swift to cool down, the one characteristic making up for the other; some are slow to anger and slow to cool down, the one characteristic making up for the other; but the best of you are those who are slow to anger and swift to cool down, and the worst of you are those who are swift to anger and slow to cool down. He continued, Beware of anger, for it is a live coal on the heart of the descendant of Adam. Do you not notice the swelling of the veins of his neck and the redness of his eyes? So when anyone experiences anything of that nature he should lie down and cleave to the earth (Tirmidhi). Allahs Messenger also said, No one has swallowed back anything more excellent in the sight of Allah, Who is

Great and Glorious, than anger he restrains, seeking to please Allah most high (Tirmidhi). So the believing person, the Muslim, should be steadfast and busy trying to pursue the goal of Paradise in the next life, focusing all efforts and actions upon obedience to Allahs commands and avoiding His prohibitions. In other words, not becoming distracted by trivial matters, like getting upset about TV shows, etc., which are mostly a waste of time, or worse if they are showing prohibited material. Therefore, we advise you to remain busy with religious activities and pursuing noble goals for your life here and in the Hereafter (search our site for details in articles, fatawa, and other advisories). May we strive to be among those of whom the Prophet spoke when he said, Allah will say to the people of Paradise, 0 the people of Paradise! They will say, Labbaik, O our Lord, and Sadaik, and all the good is in Your Hands! Allah will say, Are you satisfied? They will say, Why shouldnt we be satisfied, 0 our Lord, as You have given us what You have not given to any of Your created beings? He will say, Shall I not give you something better than that? They will say, 0! Our Lord! What else could be better than that? He will say, I bestow My Pleasure on you and will never be angry with you after that.

091. She wonders about the relationship between low selfesteem and religion
Age 25 Female One question that has been perplexing me a little is the link between self esteem and the need for religion. I have visited your website which has information on religion but couldnt find the answer. Basically, do people with low self esteem need religion more than those with a good self esteem? I mean some people with low self esteem turn to drugs, alcohol, etc., but others (Muslim and non-Muslim) find that Allah guides them to Islam. They then improve their feelings towards themselves from the view that only Allahs approval is important. Others find other religions to serve the same purpose.

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However this doesnt change the validity of religion (Islam) does it? Just the fact that I (we) need it doesnt mean that theres no basis for belief. It sounds silly now that Ive actually written this down but some self help books you read make you feel that your whole intellect is clouded by the fact you have a low self esteem - not all Muslims have low self esteem right?. The other point is that modern psychology treats this problem with behavioral or cognitive treatments. What does Islam have to say about it? I guess Im having doubts about myself and beliefs. Your help would be gratefully appreciated. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. We praise Allaah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, we thank Allaah for sending you to our site seeking an answer to a matter which is of utmost importance to a great many people today, even some Muslims who are bombarded with false scientific doctrines and materialistic influences. Doubt about the value of religion in general, and Islam in particular is being raised everywhere. As implied in your question, the issue could be stated, If I feel good about myself and my life, why do I need religion? This is a reasonable question and demands a definite answer. All perfect praise be to Allaah Who has provided the answer for mankind to this and every question of faith for those who seek the truth. He says (what means): So direct your face (i.e. self) toward the religion, inclining to truth. (Adhere to) the fitrah 3 of Allaah upon which He has created (all)
3-The natural inborn inclination of man to worship his Creator prior to the corruption of his nature by external influences. Thus, Islaamic monotheism is described as the religion of fitrah - that of the inherent nature of mankind.

people. No change should there be in the creation of Allaah.4 That is the correct religion, but most of the people do not know. (Adhere to it), turning in repentance to Him, and fear Him and establish prayer and do not be of those who associate others with Allaah. (Or) of those who have divided their religion and become sects, every faction rejoicing in what it has.5 (Quraan, 30:30-32) In addition, Abu Huraira, narrated that the Prophet, may Allaah exalt his mention) said: Every child is born with a true faith (i.e., to worship none but Allaah Alone) but his parents convert him to Judaism or to Christianity or to Magianism, as an animal delivers a perfect baby animal. Do you find it mutilated? (Bukhari) Allaah also says (what means): Whoever Allaah guides he is the (rightly) guided; and whoever He sends astray6 - it is those who are the losers. (Quraan, 7:178) This (Quraan) is enlightenment from your Lord and guidance and mercy for a people who believe. (Quraan 7:203) So, dear sister, be not of those who doubt, especially those who raise questions about the universality of the Islamic religion. Allaah has said (which means): I will turn away from My signs those who are arrogant upon the earth without right; and if they should see every sign, they will not believe in it. And if they see the way of consciousness,7 they will not adopt it as a way; but if they see the way of error, they will adopt it as a way. That is because they have denied Our signs and they were heedless of them. (Quraan 7:146) We thank Allaah, submit to Him in the religion that He has perfected for us, Islam, and pray that we shall not die except as Muslims.

4- i.e., let people remain true to their fitrah within the religion of Islam. 5- Of beliefs, opinions, customs, etc. 6- As a result to persistence in evil and rejection of truth. 7- i.e., reason and integrity.

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093. Painful memories are still troubling him

I am a Muslim living in UK. I am 21 years old and in my second year at university. I have had many problems in my life and it seems as if I have lived much longer than my 21 years on this earth. I began with having learning difficulties, which was followed by bullying. These two things have badly affected me throughout my life. It was followed by constant humiliation and name-calling. I was not called big head, smelly and lanky. Once or twice I was also beaten up. My school work was badly affected and I found it so hard to talk and be friends with other people. Much of this torture is gone now, but I still feel the pain of the past and the memories are painful. I never told my family because I felt like I would be a burden to them, -but also because I never felt any support or encouragement from them. What kept me going was my belief in Islam as it gave me a reason to continue and hope for a better future. But the pain is still there and it always feels as if my problems are never ending. I need some guidance with my emotional state. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Brother, All praise is to Allah for providing you with the strength, courage, and faith to sustain you through some very troubling and trying times. The experiences you described are very painful, and tend to leave a person feeling deeply wounded for some time, especially if they are coupled with isolation from the support and comfort of family members. Indeed, Allah has blessed you greatly for you to enter university. Allah has been Most Merciful to you to have provided you with His protection and comfort to maintain your sanity and emotional stability through such trials and tests at a young age. You have much to thank Him for, and we thank Allah for the blessings He has bestowed upon you.

Dear Brother, Allah has shown His favor upon you in so many ways. The beginning of happiness is in gratitude to our Creator for His innumerable blessings upon us, especially His great Mercy Islam; without it we would be lost. Spend much of your time in prayer, praising Allah, and thanking Him for not leaving you alone to suffer in misery. Also, try your best to forgive those who hurt you in the past and ask Allahs help in this matter. Know, too, that family may not always be there for you when you feel they should be, but, AI-Hamdulillah, Allah has not left us alone. He has blessed you and strengthened you to overcome tremendous difficulties. Know that when Allah tries us with great adversity it is for a purpose, to prepare us for some important work. Seek His Guidance for what He has destined for you to do and be willing to do it wholeheartedly. Allah has tested you and strengthened you early in life for the challenges and victories to come. Be of good heart and know that His Help is always near the faithful, obedient servant. You should know also that many past hurts often stay with us for awhile, sometimes for much of our lives, but the pain lessens as we move beyond them in new experiences and relationships. Childhood hurts and feelings of being alone are often healed in adult life through marriage with a pious, loving, caring partner, especially if we are trying to be one. We dont want to place our burdens on someone else, we only want them to understand how we feel and to respond appropriately. By sharing and giving to others in our marriage and our family, by Allahs help we are able to mature and overcome afflictions of early life. Allah has promised that after every difficulty there is ease; with every difficulty there are two eases so that difficulty cannot overcome ease. We pray that Allah will continue to bless us and to prepare us for life in His service in every way. Follow those steps that are appropriate in Islam and may be helpful to you.

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We pray that Allah will give you the success of your efforts to be an ideal Muslim for His Sake. May Allah guide us on the right path, enhance our efforts to learn of Him, and draw us ever nearer to His obedience. May Allah inspire us to live as true believers so that people will be drawn to the truth of Islam.

III. Troubling relations with the opposite sex outside of marriage 008. Committing zina; wants to stop but in love
Dear advisor, I am not married, never married before, still a virgin, Al-hamdulillah for that. But still I committed zina. How? Well I fell in love with a really nice guy; he prays, fasts in Ramadan. He is a very regular good practicing Muslim. I was working as a trainee at the school where he teaches Arabic here in the Europe. I do not remember how everything really started, but he was complaining about his wife. I told him to be good to her and maybe it was his fault. At the time I really didnt think of him in terms of love or anything at all. But somehow I began to realize that he liked me. His attention and his teasing me when I am with other people, saying things in a language that only he and I understand made it feel really special. Id never had such attention from a Muslim man who was that intellectual, working loved his traditions and Islam. He was becoming more and more special. So one day I asked him if he liked me, so he answered with the same question. At the end he declared his love for me, but I was still cool, but as the days passed I liked him more and more. So we hugged, I cried, because it was wrong, but I loved him and that felt good. We hugged; he gave me my first kiss, this developed to touching and new experiences Ive never felt in my entire life! Then one day we almost made love; the only thing left to do was taking off our clothes (this occurred twice). I am so ashamed to tell, but I have to. I know and knew I was not allowed to do that as a proper girl, but at that time I didnt care. Even when I was praying I could feel that weird and sweet feeling. But I knew from him he was already married (not happy, but he was, with a beautiful woman who had his two beautiful children). I knew I couldnt marry him anyhow, but a very little voice inside of me was really

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hoping that it could happen. There were times I was angry with him, but I cried at the end and said I couldnt ruin his life, and this had to end somehow. I really love this guy and he loves me, but in our times and culture we are not allowed to marry two women. I am against polygamy, but if he asks me I will do that, just to feel a little bit at ease with God, if that is possible. I have to note again, I never had any sex with any man. But I kissed him and hugged him. Is there anything to do for forgiveness? I feel so ashamed when I ask Him especially because I really still love this man. Please help me as your sister who committed a great and bad sin. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, May Allah guide and hold steadfast those who believe and are on The Right Path of Islam. Your letter clearly is a plea saying: Tell me to stop before I ruin my relations with Allah, my family and friends, and my life totally. We say emphatically: Stop this sinful, destructive behavior! Stop now! You must and you can do it with Allahs help. At the outset, you know that you are committing as major sin, Zina, with an alien man who is married, and one with whom you know marriage is not possible. You state that you know you are committing the greatest sin of your life and you know that to continue will lead to illegal intercourse (a logical consequence). Yet you persist. You say that you are ashamed, full of regret, fear that Allah will not forgive you; so much pain and yet you dont want to end this bittersweet relationship because you really love this guy. Your conscience is telling you that you cant continue to sin and be happy, that there are extreme consequences if you continue along the path you are on. Why not listen to it?

To avoid sin, you must end this sinful relationship immediately and never have any further contact with this man. Repent to Allah with sincerity, increase your good deeds, and fulfill all Islamic obligations as well as fasting and prayer. Also, surround yourself with pious companions who will encourage good behavior. Fill your time with the remembrance of Allah. Lastly, pray to Allah to send you a good, pious husband, one who is seeking a virtuous, pious young woman, who has saved her virginity for him. We pray that Allah will protect us from the evil within ourselves, grant us the courage to always choose right over wrong no matter in what guise it presents itself, and forgive us when we humble ourselves to Him in true repentance.

038. Hurt by broken promises

Someone hurts you and promises you something and then leaves you in the dark, but you still wait for him/her to come back to you and you are crying and hurt, etc. Why do people hurt you? If they do, are they also hurt in their life? I cant forget someone who betrayed me and hurt me. What does Islam say about this? The second issue is that a few days back I had a dream. First I saw a spark in the sky and then Allah came down to Earth in the shape of a human being (Mulana), holds my hand, puts His Hand on my head, and Says, Dont cry, Im with you, and your dream will come true. Then He disappears. Please tell me the result of this dream and exactly what Allah wants me to do? Please answer as soon as possible. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and peace upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

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Dear Sister, we pray that Allah will ease your suffering and grant you the peace that you seek. When our hearts are troubled it is wise to seek advice and solutions from an Islamic point of view. It is difficult to advise you based upon the few details in your inquiry and we do not interpret dreams, but taking these two circumstances you described together, we will try to be as helpful as possible. From what you have said it appears that you are deeply hurt due to a broken relationship with a young man with whom you had hopes for the future based upon promises he made. It also seems that this is a new experience for you, confusing, and difficult to understand, and so you feel deeply betrayed. In times of emotional distress our dreams often reflect the satisfaction we seek that will remove the source of our suffering. If our understanding of your situation is accurate, it also seems that you have some religious faith, but it needs to be nourished with knowledge and practice. For example, Islam forbids a love relationship between an alien unmarried man and woman in order to preserve and protect the chastity and honor of both. In this way too their tender feelings are protected until marriage. In addition, you mentioned seeing Allah in your dream as a human being. In Islamic teaching, Allah never assumes the form of any of His creation, not even in a dream; high and exalted is He above being associated with His creatures or their likeness in any way. We know that such suggestions are only from Satan, the outcast and accursed. So we do not pay attention to dreams based upon ideas that are contrary to Islamic principles. So you need to gain religious knowledge (aqeeda) so that your faith (emaan) will increase. We urge you to turn to Allah in sincere repentance, deeply regretting your disobedience to Him with this young man, and vowing to forget about him and never to repeat this transgression. You should also busy yourself in religious study, reading Quran, learning more about the

life of the Prophet and his companions, Islamic history, etc. Learn more about those who lived a life of faith in Islam. You should develop role models from the great women in Islam, the wives of the Prophet and wives of his companions. Seek to acquire their noble qualities; you will be richly blessed. (Search our web site for information on this and other subjects.) By all means surround yourself with pious companions who are striving in the way of Allah, and never be alone with an alien man for any reason for Satan is always the third party. We pray that Allah will increase us in knowledge of the Truth, provide us with His protection from Satan and all his inclinations, and grant us pious companions to encourage us to obey Him always.

048. Shall I hide my past when some one asks for my hand?
I am a 20 year-old girl. I did a very bad sin; I was tempted and I showed my body through webcam and so did the person I showed it to. I repented and I feel so guilty even now. I did that while masturbating, that means two bad sins. I try to stop masturbation but many bad thoughts usually come to my mind and entice me to do it? How can I stop it completely? If someone asks for my hand in marriage shall I tell him that I showed my body? What if he leaves me or what if he tells that to other persons? Im so confused and I refuse men for that reason. Im so hopeless. Can you help me? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, may Allah bless you for reaching out to our website for help in your serious distress. Yes, there is help for you and a way out. Allah has promised that whoever believes in Him, submits his will to Him in full submission, and

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repents sincerely, regretting his sin, and vows never to repeat it He will forgive his sins. Since you know what you have done is wrong and you feel guilty (the need for forgiveness), turn to Allah as mentioned and seek His forgiveness and help. The fear of Allah and His punishment (Taqwa) is a blessing and Mercy from Allah to help protect us from evil of Satan and of ourselves before we enter into prohibited acts, and reminds us to repent to Him after we have transgressed. The following are recommended ways that will help you (and us) to do this: 1. Do taubah, i.e. repent sincerely to Allah and turn to Him. You must close the door to further sinful acts of disobedience to Allah by seeking repentance sincerely, as one who has a broken heart for having offended his Lord and then desires only to please Him always. 2. Stay away from the company of evil people or friends who glamorize and glorify those deeds and acts that are sinful and make them attractive to you. The company a person keeps has a great influence on reforming or corrupting him. Therefore, seek the company of righteous people who will help and benefit you in the matters of your religion and your worldly affairs. 3. Turn your attention and your gaze away from all those things that arouse the passions, stimulate sexual desire, and lust, such as looking at and staying in the company of young men. Avoid pictures, films, magazines, etc. that stimulate desire. Definitely avoid using the Internet in ways that may arouse you or put you in contact with people for sinful purposes. 4. Make every effort to marry so that you remain pure and chaste. Remember the words of the Prophet (PBUH): O Assembly of youth! Those of you, who have the means to marry, should do so. And whoever is unable to do so, must fast. For this is certainly a protection for him. (Bukhari and Muslim)

5. Fast in abundance in order to suppress the carnal desires and passions. Our Prophet (PBUH) said: Certainly Satan flows in the body of man like the flowing of blood. So subdue him by keeping fast. (Bukhari) 6. Spend your spare time in those activities that will benefit you because the mind of an idle person becomes the target of sinful thoughts whispered by Satan and the nafs (the self) which commands a person to do evil. 7. A Muslim woman must obey the command of Allah to cover her awrah from the gaze of alien men; wearing the hijab will help provide this protection. By doing so, her thoughts are also turned to Allah, His obedience, and desire for His protection from temptations, and draw her closer to Him. Know that Allah has promised to forgive every sin no matter how serious if we turn to Him in repentance, and He has promised to show mercy to the believers in Him (those who join not partners with Him and follow the Quran and respected sunnah). When Allah forgives our sins, He also covers them, and then we are not obliged to uncover them before anyone. So if you receive a proposal of marriage from a man whose religion you approve and your wali agrees then you may feel free to accept it without fear of having to reveal your past mistakes. If someone does not want to accept you because of your past after Allah has forgiven you, then simply wait until Allah sends you a better choice. We praise Allah to Whom all praise is due and thank Him for His Infinite Mercy upon us all who have sinned against Him. We thank Him for calling us to Islam, the religion of the rightly guided, and we pray that He will keep us firmly of this path until we return to Him.

054. She feels guilty about masturbation

For 13 years I have learned how to masturbate and now I am 20 and I decided to stop it once and for all. Now I have to have some medical

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check ups for my irregular menstrual cycle. My question is medical so I hope you will find the answer for me. Can doctors find out by any kind of examination (physical examination or blood tests, etc.) if I used to do that? I am so afraid of that because I dont want my parents to know. Please give me a precise medical answer. I dont know whom to ask. Thank you! Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessing be upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, we thank Allah for guiding you to give up this sinful habit which you find reprehensible and wish to keep hidden. We pray that Allah will protect you from further transgression and cover what you have already done from those who have no need to know. We urge you to repent to Allah for He has decreed that marriage is the only acceptable way to gratify our sexual desire. (Please see our fatwa section for details on how to control sexual desire before marriage) We do not have medical knowledge to answer your question specifically, but a gynecologist should be able to detect whether your hymen has been broken or not, but may not be able to detect exactly why if it is. Since you are twenty years old now it may not be necessary for your doctor to reveal such a matter to your parents. To be on the safe side, it may not hurt to tell the examining physician that you would prefer such a condition not be mentioned on the medical report or to your parents. Your apprehension about your parents learning of your sin is understandable, but first and foremost you should fear Allah. Taqwa (fear of Allahs punishment) is protection for the Muslim against sin and his feeling of guilt (from having sinned) leads him to repentance and seeking forgiveness. By all means, you should sincerely repent of your sin, seek

forgiveness from Allah, vow never to repeat it, and increase your practice of Islam and doing good deeds. Also, if Allah covers our sins we are not allowed to uncover them to others. So, there is no need for you to reveal this matter to anyone else. We pray that Allah will forgive us our transgressions against Him, touch our hearts with sadness for what we have done, instill in us sincerity to repent, and help us fulfill our promise to obey Him in the future. We pray that Allah will cover our sins and keep them secret unto Him alone.

077. An illegal relationship

I am a Muslim and live in UK. For a long time I did bad things in my life, but now I am coming back to Allah. One thing that I regret is I had a relation with a girl that lasted for about 4 years and we did everything except Zina (fornication). But I regret that now and I left her. Should I marry her because of what I did with her? If not what can I do about this sin? May Allah reward you! Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring brother, may your heart continue its return to the worship of the One who created it and be filled with regret for having offended your Lord. In Islam relations between marriageable members of the opposite sex outside of marriage are prohibited to avoid and prevent from happening just what you describe in your relationship that lasted far too long. So you must repent to Allah with full repentance, avoid further contact with the girl, vow never to do such acts again, and increase your good deeds. It is not necessary to marry her to cover your sins with her or to be forgiven.

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Muslims living in lands of the disbelievers are tempted to stray from the principles of Islam, prone to adopt the ways of non-Muslims, and are in danger of losing their religion all together. We are commanded to migrate to the lands of the Muslims in order to strengthen the Muslims in numbers, encourage one another in the Faith, protect our religion, and raise our children among the believers. You definitely need to surround yourself with pious, righteous Muslims who will encourage you in the remembrance of Allah when you are tempted to go astray. You should do your best to marry if you are able as the Prophet (may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him) told the young men, and to fast to reduce your sexual desire while you are waiting. (Search our website for information and details on issues related to this matter.) You should also know that the five daily prayers are a protection from the major sins, so by all means perform them at their regular times. We pray that Allah will increase you and us in Taqwa (fear of Him) as He should be feared, help us to love what He has Legislated and to hate what He has prohibited, and to seek refuge in Him from the evil within ourselves.

He has told me that he can no longer marry me because his parents dont agree. Im happy with the fact that we cant get married whilst his parents disagree but I cant accept the fact that we cant marry over prejudicial racial views. Surely he should not give in to them? What we now want is no longer harraam. He says he does not want to hurt them and nor do I. I am truly heartbroken because the very thing I despise, i.e. prejudice and racism has kept me from marrying the man of my choice. I know I need to be patient and I know Allah may give me someone better, but then again He may not. We dont know our fate, yet we do have the power to make it. I cant accept the fact that I have to be with someone else as it makes me sick to the bottom of my stomach. I can never accept a stranger touching me if Im to get married, due to sexual and physical abuse when I was young. He is a genuine good Muslim therefore his love for his parents and Allah prevails over mine. I do not mind this; Im glad it does in fact. Its been six months now and we do not talk via txt, etc. All I want is for him to say to me, hey, what we want is not wrong, therefore I am going to carry-on persuading my parents that we should get married, but he seems to have given up. To be honest, I dont want to care if he has or hasnt given up, but I am so confused. I dont want to still feel like I want to marry him or care, but I do. My parents are not happy with the fact that I dont want to get married at all now. (They dont know about him or the sexual abuse). I do want to get married, but I cant because of the previously stated reasons and because I would be ignorant if I did, as I know I can never fulfill my rights as a wife to some body else. This would mean I would probably end up in Hell as Prophet Muhammad said that the most of the inhabitants of hell where women as they were ungrateful to their husbands. I really want to marry this boy as he and I are really suited as we both want the same things in life. Its going to be extra hard for me next year, as we shall see each other more often at university. What do I do? There is no convincing him as he is too scared of hurting his parents. (I dont want to hurt them either.)

081. Cant accept rejected marriage proposal to her

I repent to Allah that I had a premarital relationship with this boy on the basis that we were going to get married. From the first day we got together we both knew his Dad was going to be a problem, as he is a patriotic Indian Muslim who requires his son to marry into the same culture. His parents have known about our relationship and have never been keen on the fact that I was not the same caste. As soon as we realised what we were doing was haraam we decided to stop seeing each other (which was very hard), however we still wanted to marry each and kept in contact via txt and email. Now his parents have threatened to disown him if he still desires to marry me.

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I need contentment and I do pray everyday. I beg Allah; I pray my salah al Hajat. I especially wake up for tahajuud sometimes just to beg and make dua to Allah, but I am still hurting. I feel Allahs not listening to me and this punishment is gone on for far too long. I mean we were putting things right by stop seeing each other, werent we? And that was a punishment on its own. I shall never stop asking Allah as He is the only one who can fulfill my needs. But please, please give me some advice. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, we thank Allah for sending you to our site for help with this distressing problem. Allah has said that His help is ever-near for those who call upon Him. Dear sister, you have to know that your situation as you have described it is futile (hopeless) to continue and can only lead to further unhappiness for you or worse. To briefly summarize: you entered into a haraam relationship hoping it would lead to marriage although you knew from the beginning the young mans father was opposed to it. When you realized it was a haraam relationship you stopped seeing each other, but continued contacting each other still hoping it could work out. The father threatened to disown his son if he married you and he then terminated the relationship. Six months later you are still hoping to marry him or your life will never be fulfilled through marriage. Your prayers arent being answered in the manner you would like, and you are wondering what you should do. The young man has other plans; he is going to obey his family and get on with his life. We strongly advise you to do the same thing. First, repent to Allah for your disobedience to Him, sincerely regret that you became involved with an alien man outside of marriage which is forbidden in Islam, and vow to never repeat it, increase your prayers and good deeds.

(Search other advisories and fatawa for details on this subject.) By all means remember that Allah has created man (and woman) to worship Him alone, and from Allah comes all that is good for us. He has not created us to give our devotion to boyfriends, girlfriends, or anyone or anything in disobedience to Him. I want to warn you about this attitude because so many young people in love have taken this path which can lead to committing major sins, feelings of self-pity, depression, and, if not checked, ultimately suicide. When we turn in humility in submission to Allah seeking His blessing and Mercy He will respond to our request because Allah has said (what means), Call upon Me and I will answer your call. For the believing Muslim there should be love in the heart for what Allah has legislated and hatred for what He has prohibited. This love and this hatred will be a shield to protect us from Allahs punishment. Hold tight to the rope, the Quran and respected Sunnah of the Prophet, may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him. In addition, your parents have an interest in you and your future; why reject the help they want so much to give you? We ask Allah to accept your repentance, ease your suffering and bless you in marriage.

085. Her future husband wants to be near his children by his ex-wife
Please give us advice in our difficult situation. I am a revert who lives in a non-Muslim country. I went to another non-Muslim country to study for a few months. I met there a Muslim brother (who stays there with a scholarship for another 2 years to finish his studies) who I decided to marry when I go back to that country after finishing my studies at home here, insha Allaah, next month. The problem is that he has a wife whom he divorced according to Islam almost one year before I met him. They have children together. My fiance wants to have the children near him so he can be with them sometimes. Therefore, he rents a flat for his ex-wife in the city he lives in and pays maintenance for her. But the ex-wife wants

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to go back to their country (they both come from a Muslim country) to be with her family and she wants to take the children too. She says they stay only in case my fiance remarries her. Since my fiance is not able to leave this country because of his scholarship, we think the ex-wife should stay near to him to make it possible for him to see the kids since she has no job or other obligations. My fiance said his family suggested that he remarry is ex-wife, but they already tried to make their marriage better many times and they could not get on well; they often had big arguments. Please tell me your opinion about this. Does my fiance have the right to keep them near to him, or is the only possibility to remarry her? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. We praise Allaah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, We pray that Allaah will greatly bless you for coming to Islam, the final revelation of Allaah to mankind, all the worlds, and His creation until the Day of Resurrection. We pray that Allaah will increase you in knowledge and the love of His religion so that you will enjoy your life in this world and enter His paradise in the hereafter. I know that in your part of the world for a long time it has been difficult to openly practice Islam, but I need to remind you of certain basic principles. In Islam there is no relationship between marriageable men and women before marriage. Even after the parties become engaged with the approval of their families, there is still very limited contact between the couple without the presence of the future brides mahram (unmarriageable adult male family member). In the case where there is no father or male guardian, the woman should seek an Islamic ruler or authority, e.g. a judge, an Imam, head of an Islamic center, etc. to act as her guardian for the purpose of getting married. This person then has the responsibility to act,

in this case, on your behalf to see that the man who wants to marry you is a suitable candidate, including his understanding and practice of Islam, and that his proposal is reasonable. In Islam if there is a divorce with small children, the children are to remain with their mother until they reach a certain age (please check our Fatwa Corner for details), unless she remarries, and then they should live with their father. In your case, it seems that the childrens parents are not in total agreement about their arrangements for the father to see the children which has placed his marriage to you in doubt. In fact their mutual interest in the welfare of their children could lead to their getting married again, as you mentioned. At any rate, it is not your responsibility, or in your best interest to involve yourself in matters about his previous marriage. If you decide to continue this relationship, we advise you to specify in your marriage contract before you get married, the conditions that you expect of your husband during your marriage with him. As for your question about how the childrens father can address his need to be near his children, we are not prepared to give an answer; that question would best be directed to him since he should know the extent to which he is willing to go in order to be near them. As a final word, it is generally advisable to live in a Muslim country if possible in order to practice your religion. If it is not possible, then every effort should be made to live among Muslims to strengthen the Muslim community as well as practice the religion under the most favorable conditions. (Search our site for details, especially our Fatwa Corner) We pray that Allaah will grant you a righteous husband with whom you can build a firm foundation for a strong Muslim family.

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IV. Help wanted to choose a marital partner

001. Wants to marry Christian girl as second wife
I am 38 years old, married for 5 years and have 2 kids, a 4-year-old son and a 2-year-old daughter. I am confused about whether to marry a Christian girl I met on the Internet. In the beginning I was chatting with her to pass time, but as time passed I realized she has good qualities, such as a clean mind, devoted, and unselfish. We fell in love. Although I am a happily married man, for her good qualities and being willing to accept Islam, I am willing to marry her. However, I have not made a final decision to marry her. Some of the reasons include if I marry her, my wife; her parents and relatives will be hurt. Also, I know such a marriage would have the wrong basis since we met on the Net and became friends, and this could set a bad example for kids and unmarried youth who know me. On the other hand, if I dont marry her I would miss a chance to bring a good girl into Islam and Almighty Allah might ask me about it on the Day of Judgment. It will be rewarding for me and her also to accept Islam and save her from Hell. Please advise me what to do. What decision will have more weight in Islam? All of her family knows about our relationship and plans. I am afraid if I didnt marry her, she will choose a non-Muslim to marry and continue as a Christian. Response: Dear Brother, it is clear from your description of your problem that you know right from wrong, and because you do the advice you seek is to practice what you already know, but may not be prepared to accept.

You know that using the Internet to chat with girls is sinful. It opens the door for Satan to entice members of the opposite sex to enter into a forbidden relationship however well meaning they think it may be. In your case the tender affection of a girls heart has been violated whereas the distance which separated the two of you had previously protected it. In your marriage you have jeopardized the peace and harmony of your home and household due to your disobedience to Allah. When we commit a sinful act, we must immediately repent to Allah, seek His Forgiveness, feel ashamed of our transgression, and vow never to repeat it. The longer we wait to repent, the more involved and entangled in our wrongdoing we get, the more difficult the situation becomes as you so well describe in your situation, which led to a proposal of marriage to a non-Muslim. Muslims are not required to marry non-Muslims to save them from the Hell-fire. We are only required to convey to them the message and invite them to Islam. Allah guides whom He wills to His Religion. If this young woman is convinced that Islam is for her, why doesnt she take Shahada as a profession of her submission to Allah? If she is in doubt, why do you think your committing your self to marriage with her will convince her of the truth of Islam? Muslims can marry people of the book; it is lawful in Islam. But, why would you take such a risk with your present Muslim family and the future of your children in a marriage to a Christian to raise them as Muslims if she herself does not believe? Are you concerned that Allah will question you about that matter on the Day of Judgment? We pray that Allah will guide you in this time of trial and testing. We pray that He will purify our hearts and our intentions to submit to His Will and purposes in all that we do. May Allah bless you, Dear Brother, and draw you nearer to Him.

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004. Previously approved wedding plan revoked by family problems

I am a young woman of an Arab family living in the US. My family is very religious; my brothers are from Ahl-la Sunnah Jamma and are mashayekh here and give opinions and fatawa. For years they planned for me to have a husband like them or more so. Whoever came for me didnt meet their standards, and were refused. About two months ago, a young man came who approached my brothers standards and we began to talk and to know each other. We began to plan for our future and ways to help one another in Islam, to memorize Quran, etc. We were progressing well and we set a date for our marriage contract. Since then many people started talking about us and how hard we will have getting along because I am from the East, Sham, (Syria) and he is from the West, Magrib (Morocco). That really affected my familys opinion and aroused their fears because they plan to return to our homeland in a month. In the beginning they knew after I married my husband and I would stay here for 3 years until he got his degree. That didnt bother my family that much, but now that nagging has started they decided that I couldnt stay here. They asked for my opinion but stated that no matter what I decided they were not happy with this marriage. I told them to do whatever they wanted. Several days before the marriage contract was to be made, they told my fiancee that we could not complete this marriage. It has been a month now since we broke up, but I cannot just forget him or not think of him every day. He wasnt my first try and he wasnt the first man I ever talked to and I am really ashamed to say that, but I believe Allah has granted me the right path. I dont know what to do. I feel I shouldnt agree to leave him in the first place, and I still have a month before I move. Please, I need help. I prayed Istikara and felt so comfortable with him and he did the same. My biggest problem is I cannot talk to anyone in the family about this. I was in bad shape during the first week, and now they

think that I feel better or I forgot, but indeed, I cry whenever I am alone. I am becoming more attached to him although I havent talked to him since then. Please help me and tell me if there is any way to get him back. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, May Allah ease the suffering of the brokenhearted of the believers, and heal every hurt of those who love and serve Him! From your letter we see many blessings from Allah upon you that perhaps in your suffering now you may not fully appreciate. Lets look at them together. First, you are living in a non-Muslim country (USA) when Muslims there are facing many dangers. Yet Allah has blessed you with the protection and council of a righteous, pious family. To be so blessed while living in the US, particularly at this time, is indeed a great mercy from Allah. Treasure it and praise Allah for His bounty to you. Second, your family wants the best for you. Look at the care and concern they have shown to help you find a husband of outstanding character and piety, not just someone who may be a suitable candidate. Third, setting a date to settle the marriage contract is also a wise decision since it gives all parties time to reflect upon the seriousness of the bond of marriage, the qualities of the husband and wife-to-be, and the consequences of their union. Many factors, social and cultural differences, life goals, etc. need to be examined. The Muslim family weighs all these matters in light of the welfare of the couple in addition to their tender feelings for each other. Hurts and disappointments can be overcome more easily than unwise decisions that result in harms that may last for a lifetime.

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Fourth, your family is leaving non-Muslim America to return to a country of believers, Al-Hamdullilah, and want to take you with them. They care for you and your safety, fearing to leave you there without their protection and so distant from their consultation should you need it. As for the loss of your intended husband, there may be wisdom to letting him go at this time which you cannot know. For example, cultural and social differences, while unimportant in Islam, can be exceptionally stressful in married life when families resent those differences. When you return to your homeland, certainly you will be able to find a husband suitable to you and your family, insha Allah. Peace, harmony, and mutual support are vital for Muslim society. A strong family is the foundation of the Ummah, where children are raised and all members strive to observe and respect the rights of each other. This strong unit provides protection for its members as well as the environment for teaching Islam and its practices and the perpetuation of Islamic culture. For this noble cause we are all expected to make certain sacrifices. You may also find solace by letting your brothers and family know that you appreciate their deep concern for you, your future, and above all your choice of a husband. Let them know that you value their advice and want them to be pleased with your choice as well. Your drawing close to them at this time with sincere affection may help you resolve the present crisis and ease your feeling of loss. We thank Allah for His inspiration and His admonition. We pray that He will draw us closer to Him.

006. Her profession may interfere with her getting married

I live in a very conservative family where we were brought up believing in very traditional practices such as males are not supposed to work in the kitchen and females must know kitchen work as well as become educated. Now my brothers are always letting me that I am not supposed to practice my profession after graduation from university. I am taking engineering courses. They think that it is impractical for a Muslima to be an engineer. They also think that a Muslim husband for me will not allow it. Could that be possible? If so, do I have the right to get the consent of my future husband for me to work before I agree to marry him? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, May Allah bless and guide you as you plan for your future marriage, the foundation of the Muslim family for the raising of the future generation and the basic unit upon which the Ummah rests. Getting married is a very serious obligation, which Muslims have to consider, and is one-half of our religion. Give praise and thanks to Allah that you are raised in a family that honors and respects the importance of the womans role in the family, to be a good wife, mother to the children, and keeper of the home. Allah has greatly blessed the womans role in Islam and given women great honor and respect in Muslim society. Her husband is to protect and provide for her in her home so that she does not have to go out to work and risk mixing with men, or uncovering herself inappropriately.

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As you know women are encouraged to acquire education in Islam, especially in fields that complement their unique nature and role as women and which provides essential services to the society; for example, medical care where female patients need female medical professionals. In addition, women working in these fields are less likely to be in conflict with the tenets of Islam, or the expectations of their husbands and family members. You may be able to get your future husband to agree prior to marriage to such an arrangement, i.e. that you will be able to work as an engineer after your marriage. Yet it would probably be much more beneficial for all parties if you considered entering a different profession while you are still at university which will lessen the likelihood of conflict in the future. If you need additional information regarding the virtues of women remaining in the home or about suitable professions for women you may visit the Fatwa section of our web site May Allah bless our efforts to seek His Pleasure and to serve Him alone. Allah knows best.

I was wondering if it is forbidden in the Holy Qu>ran for a Muslim to marry a non-Muslim or is this widely spread idea simply the result of culture in the Middle East? One last thing, if there is evidence could you please supply the Book and line reference. God Bless Response: In the Name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. We praise Allaah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquirer, Thank you for visiting our site for knowledge about Islam and the Noble Quran. In answer to your question about the prohibition of a Muslim girl marrying a non-Muslim man, yes the Noble Quran forbids it. Allaah said (which means): And give not (your daughters) in marriage to AlMushrikun till they believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better that a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. ( Quran 2:221) Al-Mushrikun refers to polytheists, pagans, idolaters, and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allaah and in His Messenger Muhammad, may Allaah exalt his mention. So based upon Allaahs command to believing men and women, no Muslim would ever approve of a Muslim daughter being married to other than a Muslim man. In fact, if a Muslim woman is married to a Muslim man who refuses to pray after being counseled and warned that if he fails to return to the prayer he has left the religion of Islam by Muslim authorities, she is to divorce him, since he is no longer a Muslim. Since you seem to admire the character and religious devotion of the young woman you mentioned, you should seek knowledge of the religion in which she believes. You should also know that in Islam there is no relationship between a man and a woman outside of marriage no friendship, courtship, dating, or otherwise, in order to protect her chastity, honor, and religion, as well as her tender feelings. Likewise this prohibition protects the honor, integrity and religion of men as well. Women are commanded

009. Christian male wants to court a Muslim girl

Male 16 student Australia I have been faced with a problem for the past two months. I met a Muslim girl at school who is the same age as me and is quite devout. We get along fantastically and really enjoy talking about God and Allah and the ways of the world. We have found that we both strongly believe in Judgement Day and the idea of One, All-powerful God (or Allah depending on your perspective). The only problem is that I have been a strong Christian with a local church for two years and her parents would be extremely angry if they knew she was even talking to a non-Muslim. We would like to try to see each other on a more Halal level - her parents knowing about me and meeting me and her and I being allowed to court officially.

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to wear the hijbab, the covering for Muslim women when they leave home or are in the company of men who are not their unmarriageable relatives, etc. So, your present relationship with her is impermissible in Islam and is sinful, so she must terminate this relationship and repent to Allaah. That is why her parents would be extremely angry if they knew she was even talking to a non-Muslim. Again, since you are interested in the worship of one God and the Day of Judgment why not see what Islam has to offer people who believe in one God and the Day of Judgment? We invite you to search our site for information, articles, rulings (Fatwa Corner), advice, the Quran, Arabic language, etc. We hope that you will be richly rewarded for your efforts to find the truth.

happiness in married life. Ones culture is not among the criteria that the Prophet, may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him, cited as the most important when selecting a suitable partner for marriage. In fact, Prophet Muhammad encouraged parents to marry their daughters to the man whose religion they regarded as good, and added that if they did not do so there would be serious problems (see our fatwa section for details). On the other hand, it is best for the success of a marriage that the families of the couple agree about the choice of the intended partner. In general, neither partner should marry without the support of their family, but especially the woman, since she must have the consent and approval of her mahram. In your case, you should actively try to get your family to agree to the man of your choice with tact and wisdom. Let them know that you appreciate their concern for your welfare. Also, seek assistance from a respected person to assist you in persuading them to see your side. Unless there is some other major objection to your choice, they are likely to concede and give their approval. You should know too that should your family persist in rejecting your choice that Allah may have someone better for you since you indicate that you are ready for marriage and want a pious Muslim husband. So, you must be patient, do your best to persuade your family, listen to their side with an open mind, and make dua to Allah that you seek only what He has decreed as best for you. We pray that Allah will give you what will please you for His sake in this life and in the Hereafter.

013. Wants to marry, but her family rejects her choice

What should I do I want to get married, but he is not of my culture and my family refuses to give their approval? The person I want to marry is very pious and a great Muslim. I would be a fool not to marry. I also feel it is time. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, All praise is to Allah Who has established marriage so that man and woman might enjoy one another in love and mutual regard. In Islam great importance is given to the piety of the husband and wife, much more than any other quality, for it is the degree of their submission to Allah and observance of Islam in Sharia that ultimately will determine their

024. Wants to marry Christian woman

I need your advice. I will marry a Christian woman, but she is a good woman and thinks well of Islam. She does well in her life. She likes me and I like her too. Please advise me how to act with her?

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Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Brother, Given the importance of family life in Islam, great emphasis is placed upon the selection of marital partners and the role of their families to help in that process. Great importance is given to the piety of the husband and wife, much more than any other quality, for it is the degree of their submission to Allah and observance of Islam in Sharia that ultimately will determine their happiness in married life. Dear Brother, from the tone of your letter you sound as though you have already decided to marry a Christian woman. You did not describe how you began your relationship, whether it was according to Islam, through her male family members, or how you arrived at your decision to marry, especially with the permission of her parents. Since you asked how you should treat her indicates that you may not be aware of the seriousness of trying to establish a Muslim family in a marriage to a non-Muslim woman. Muslims can marry People of the Book (Christians and Jews); it is lawful in Islam, but they should do so with full knowledge of the possible consequences of their decision. For example, if your intended wife thinks so much of Islam, why does she not take Shahada as a profession of her submission to Allah? If she is not willing to do so before you marry her, what chance will you have to convince her to do so later? You must know that a Christian wife is not obligated to change her religion after she marries a Muslim. Her husband may inform her of Islam and encourage her to be a dutiful wife, but he can not demand that she give up her religion. He can demand that their children be raised as Muslims as this is an obligation upon him. However, if she is not willing to become a Muslim, how can you expect her to raise your children as Muslims?

In addition to these very vital issues, the family relations extend beyond the immediate married couple to include relatives, all of the in-laws, etc. What are their understandings of this marriage? How will each of you be accepted as well as the future of your children, should Allah so bless you? I invite you to search our Fatwa section for information regarding family matters before finalizing your decision. Given the scant information you provided in your question, I hope that you find this response helpful. We pray that Allah will guide all Muslims in this time of trial and testing. We pray that He will purify our hearts and our intentions to submit to His Will and purposes in all that we do. May Allah bless you, Dear Brother, and draw you nearer to Him.

026. A non-Muslim woman in love needs help

Hello, I really would like to have a bit of help from you. I am a woman in love, even when I know that my love is impossible. I really would like to learn a bit more about your religion. I am a Christian woman, but I love a Muslim man. It is hard for me try to explain this because I havent even met him yet. He lives in Algeria and I live in Honduras. We talk to each other by Internet. The point is that since I have been talking with him, I have discovered that a man like him is a man I want to marry. I know you will think I am crazy, but that is my story. I know he is looking for a Muslim girl to marry, but I really would like to please him in some way. I do not know if you have an answer for me, but at least I would like to know what you think about it. Maybe you can help me to learn a bit more about Islam. Please take this seriously because it is really serious for me, a woman who really needs help. Response: .praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

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Dear Inquirer, The subject of your letter is a very serious matter and deserves a serious response. We commend you for your interest in Islam and your desire to know more about it. We pray that Allah will guide you to embrace Islam and make you a sincere Muslim. There is much in your letter that requires some comment. But first, let me state that Islam as revealed through Prophet Muhammad is a call to mankind to submit to the Will of God (Allah) and is the only religion that will be accepted on the Day of Judgment. All Prophets and Messengers of Allah (God) were sent to their respective tribes, nations, peoples, but the last Prophet, Muhammad (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him) was sent to all mankind. The book he (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him) was given, the Qur an, and his teachings, etc. were the final revelations from God (Allah) to the human family until the Day of Resurrection. A Muslim is one who submits his will to the Will of Allah and lives according to Quran and the teachings, etc. (Sunnah) as revealed to Prophet Muhammad (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him). You may visit other places on our site for more general information or details according to your interest. Second, we must emphasize that becoming a Muslim must be done for one reason only - to seek the pleasure of Allah alone and for His sake only; no other reason is acceptable. The purpose for which man was created was to worship Allah alone; this fact is repeatedly stated in the Quran (the Speech of Allah). So we hope that your interest in Islam will lead you to the worship of Allah, the sole purpose of all our lives. Third, a Muslim man, if he is a true believer, is the ideal man for a believing woman for marriage. In fact, he is the only acceptable mate for a believing (Muslim) woman. In other words, a Muslim woman cannot be married to any one other than a Muslim husband. You seem to recognize and appreciate the outstanding qualities of a Muslim man. We hope that you will embrace Islam and be blessed with the husband you desire, Allah willing.

Fourth, it needs to be said for your benefit and the Muslim brother as well that chatting on the Internet between marriageable men and women in not permitted in Islam unless it is for a legal reason. If this mans intention was to call you to Islam, it could have done in a way that would not have led to such emotional involvement for you. In fact, the prohibition to chatting between marriageable persons is to protect both parties from temptation, to protect their honor, and to avoid hurt feelings. For the same reasons, unlike the West, in Islam there is no relationship between men and women such as courtship outside of marriage. Please search this site for more information and details. So what should you do now? We advise you to end this relationship immediately for both your sakes. We urge you to be steadfast in your search for the truth in Islam and to spare no effort in this regard; so much depends upon it - your life here and in the Hereafter. Feel free to make use of our site and resources, which are always at your service. May Allah open the hearts of all that seek the truth, make us receptive to it, and bless us in this life and the next. May Allah open wide the path that leads to Him and grant peace to His believing servants.

028. Has younger Muslim friend and finds Islam interesting

I am a 40-year old woman, who for some time now has been seeing a Muslim living in the same province. We are indeed in love with each other. Religion is not a problem at all as I was always open to learn new things and I always have been interested in different religions. I respect his religious behavior and I may become a Muslim after some time. I am divorced with a child from my first husband, and the man I am talking about is only 25 years old. We are both aware of these obstacles, but we cant manage to come to a solution; the only thing we are sure about is we dont feel like breaking up. Could we have your opinion about our situation?

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Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Inquirer, We appreciate your seeking our advice about a decision that may affect your life and those of many other people close to you. There is much in your inquiry that demands serious attention. It is apparent that you are not a Muslim, but you did not mention any religion that you currently practice. In Islam when selecting a marital partner, Muslims are to give the highest priority to the piety of the Muslim mate, before any other consideration, such a beauty, family background, wealth, etc. Since you are not a Muslim, you should know that it is lawful for Muslim men to marry women from People of the Book (Christians or Jews), under certain conditions - piety and chastity being of foremost importance. (See our Fatwa section for details.) If you are neither a Muslim nor a Christian or Jew then a Muslim cannot marry you until you embrace Islam. Simply being interested in and respectful of Islam would not satisfy this condition. Should you decide to become a Muslim, it must be emphasized that doing so must be for one reason only - to seek the pleasure of Allah alone and for His sake only; no other reason is acceptable. The purpose for which man was created is to worship Allah alone; this fact is repeatedly stated in the Quran (the Speech of Allah). So we hope that your interest in Islam will lead you to the worship of Allah, the sole purpose of our existence. Next, you stated that you have a child by your first husband. Should you marry who will be responsible for the child and its upbringing? If the child is going to be cared for and raised by a Muslim man, then the child must be raised as a Muslim. (Consult our Fatwa section for details.)

Lastly, you mentioned that the two of you are aware of these obstacles, are not able to resolve them, but you dont feel able to break up. If by this statement you mean you recognize that marriage to each other is not possible, but you want to continue the relationship, then we must say that such an arrangement is totally unacceptable in Islam. In that case, our advice is to end the relationship immediately, repent to Allah in sincere regret, and intend never to repeat this mistake again.

037. New Muslim, single and sad in Argentina without a husband

Im a 33 year-old female, single, and new in Islam. I have been trying my best to pray and make dua and read Quran, but I feel sad and depressed all the time. I do not get better; part of this deep sadness is because Im still single and I cannot find a husband. I am from Argentina and there are not many Muslims here. I cannot go to another country now because I can not afford to travel and I have no one to protect me. Im alone with my father, who is old and not a Muslim. Im trying to convince him, insha Allah, to embrace Islam. Please advise me. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and peace upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, We commend your decision to embrace Islam, and we praise Allah Who has guided you to the light of Islam, the only religion that He will accept on the Day of Judgment. In Islam, our emaan (faith) increases or decreases depending upon the level of our practice of Islam in our daily lives, the amount of knowledge of Islam we acquire and apply, and our constancy in good deeds, etc. For our faith to increase (and not decrease) we must strive to maintain good habits in our worship, such as making all prayers

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in the earliest portion of their time, wearing hijab as appropriate, having pure intentions to please Allah, reading Quran and other books of Islamic knowledge. In addition, Muslims should always keep company with other pious, righteous Muslims in order to learn and encourage one another in the faith. By following these steps you should be able to avoid sadness and feelings of despair. By all means supplicate to Allah to send you a pious husband; He has promised that He will answer His servants who call upon Him. You mentioned that there are not many Muslims where you live, but you should make every effort to locate and communicate with other Muslims. The Muslims in your area should strive to develop close ties to support each other, pray and study together, and propagate Islam. It may be that during these activities Allah will send you the husband you are seeking. It may also help if you strongly desire to be a good Muslim wife to a pious Muslim brother. Allah has perfect knowledge of the needs of His servants and how best to satisfy them. Strong faith vanquishes despair that shows the lack of faith; we must supplicate Allah believing that He will answer. We must continue to supplicate and have patience; Allah answers every need. Also you mentioned that you are caring for your elderly father and calling him to Islam. That is a blessed service from Allah. Thank Him, seek His guidance and ask His help to do the very best you can for your father. He will reward you greatly; there are so many blessings in caring for our parents when they need us and cannot care for themselves. Allah has promised that with every hardship there is ease, and that for the believer the end is always better than the beginning. Feel free to search our site for information, stories and experiences of other Muslims in similar circumstances, stories of the Prophets companions, etc., from their examples we can all benefit and know that we are not left alone without help. We pray that Allah will fulfill the desires of your heart in the best way, the way that only He can. We pray that Allah will increase you and us in faith, and keep our feet firmly grounded in His path, the way of Islam and grant the peace that comes only from Him.

58. Fear in Decision-making

Im in a dilemma: a man came to seek my hand for marriage through my uncle (his friend) who for the past year had never had any contact with us. He comes from abroad. Im left alone to decide. I dont like the attitude of my uncle; he does not speak the truth and I dont know what agreement they have placed for each other. I know no one can force me, but Im scared that I might make the wrong decision and I want to get married. Please I need your opinion on this. 1. What can I do to stop this fear for the future? 2. What can I do to be wise? Urgent reply would be appreciated. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessing upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, We thank Allah for sending you to our site seeking help in your time of need and desire for guidance. Allah has promised to answer the prayers of His servants who turn to Him in submission and humility. We pray that Allah will purify our hearts and our intentions for Him alone. In all of our affairs we must turn to Allah for guidance for He is the All-Hearer, the AllKnower, the All-Wise, and the Almighty. What Allah has decreed will be and what He has not decreed will never be. In Islam we know that marriage is one-half of our religion and a dutiful, pious Muslim will want to marry a spouse who is equally so or better in religion. So, as Prophet Muhammad instructed us when we seek a marital partner our first consideration should be their piety, their observance and practice of Islam. Since you mentioned that you are alone, I assume that you are an independent, mature adult whose parents are not available for consultation. If your parents can be consulted you must ask their advice. If that is not possible then you must do all you can to find out about the

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man who wants to marry you, especially his religious knowledge and practice. If you do not feel your uncle can act as your wali then you can ask the Imam of the local mosque or the Islamic center near you to act on your behalf. By all means seek assistance from knowledgeable Islamic authorities in your area. Remember that you cannot be in seclusion alone with an alien man before marriage no matter what his intentions are. After following these steps and the advice of the persons mentioned above and you feel the proposal is reasonable, you should pray istikarah (prayer for guidance) seeking Allahs guidance in the matter. Next, follow the certainty of your heart-felt conviction either to accept or reject the proposal, insha Allah. These guidelines are provided based upon the little information you have provided about yourself, the people involved, and the situation in general. In Islam we know that in any enterprise, we can only make our best effort and the success is with Allah alone, and so it will be when we select a mate. We pray that Allah will join you with a good, pious husband who loves Him and who will love you for Allahs sake. We ask Allah to give success to every effort that is intended for His good pleasure.

Dear Brother, All praise is to Allah Who has established marriage so that man and woman might enjoy one another in love and mutual regard. In Islam great importance is given to the piety of the husband and wife, much more than any other quality, for it is the degree of their submission to Allah and observance of Islam in Sharia that ultimately will determine their happiness in married life. Your situation raises at least two issues of that you need to consider: in Islam there is no intimate relationship between a man and an alien woman before marriage; having a girlfriend or boyfriend is not permitted. So such a relationship is in disobedience to Allah. All Muslim scholars agree on this issue. Next, you indicate that there is a serious disagreement about religion in this relationship and the girl doesnt want to become Sunni. What do you know of the religious beliefs that she is holding to so strongly? You need to be informed about Shia beliefs before you think of marrying someone who holds them. Also, you need to discuss this matter with your parents, and she with her parents so that they know what the two of you are considering. If either family objects, the marriage is less likely to be harmonious or successful. If neither family approves then the idea of marriage should not be pursued any further. (Feel free to explore this site for information about matters related to marriage and other Islamic issues.) We pray that Allah will guide you to find a pious Muslim wife who will protect your religion and help you establish a harmonious marriage for raising Muslim children.

060. Sunni boy in love with Shia girl

I am a Sunni Muslim boy in love with a Shia girl. I want to see the possibility of marriage in our religion with Shia. Also note that the girl doesnt want to become Sunni. Please advice me in this situation. What should I do? Thanks. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

073. Wants to marry but afraid of family secret

I belong to a family which practices Islam to the extent that their desires and personal lives are not interrupted. My problem is that recently a pious Muslim proposed me but he does not know much about my family. I have some terrible secrets regarding my parents and family which I think if he

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or any other person would come to know about, then he may never want to come back to me. I am confused whether to tell him or not. Sometimes I think I shouldnt tell him because it regards my parents and not me. I try my best to practice Islam in the best way possible. But on the other hand it seems to me that I would betray him if I dont tell him the real truth about my family. Please help me in the light of Quran and Sunnah. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, we pray that Allah will bless you with increased iman and steadfastness on this right path of Islam, and give you a pious husband as your companion. Know that you are not responsible for the behavior of your parents or your family, although you should remind them in a nice way of their duty to obey Allah and to fear Him as He should be feared. If in spite of all your efforts they refuse to heed your reminding them, then continue to make dua for their repentance and return to Allah. Since their behavior is so troubling that it would cause others to shun you if it came to light, then it would be wise to let it remain a secret. If this pious Muslim wants to marry you and you are satisfied with his religion and he is able to provide for you, then accept his proposal with your parents approval. Unless he asks you specific questions about the matters of your family secret you are not obligated to tell him. Should someone tell him or he finds out after you are married, your past or that of your family has no bearing upon your marriage and he has no right to hold it against you. What Allah has covered for you, there is no need to uncover it unless there is a legal reason. If you fear that this secret will be revealed and become a problem in your marriage, it may be wise to encourage your husband to establish a

home for you away from where your family is located. You may want to consider making this a condition of your marriage contract, but by all means use caution and good judgment in dealing with this matter. We pray that Allah will protect us from backbiting and spreading slander and from those who do such things. We ask Allah to join you with a righteous and pious husband, one who will respect you and protect your honor, and that you are drawn closer together in His worship and service.

074. Marriage proposal not acceptable

I am a 19 year-old girl and my father wants to marry me to my cousin who is 30 years old, doesnt work, has many problems, and is indebted. So please tell me what should I do? I dont want him and my father to know about this. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, Allah has made marriage so that man and woman may enjoy one another in mutual respect and love, to comfort one another, share a spiritual life together, and to raise children who will worship Him alone. The family is the basic unit of the Ummah (Islamic society). Therefore, it is important that both parties have qualities that are acceptable, if not admirable, especially regarding religion and trustworthiness. It is also essential that both families approve of the marriage and give it their blessing, otherwise there is likely to be long-standing difficulties in the relationship and lack of family unity. You did not mention the reasons your father gave for wanting you to marry this man or how this matter was discussed with you. In Islam we are required to be dutiful to our parents and respectful to them in all matters,

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however parents are not allowed to marry their children to persons against their will. (Search our fatwa section for information and details about this subject.) We advise you to tell your father of your objection to this proposal in a gentle, respectful manner, and that you will not be happy with such a person. You should also try to get support from a close family member to assist you in presenting your position. Also, remind your father that a parent is obligated to seek a righteous, pious person to marry his daughter and that she can not be married without her consent. When talking with him also mention Allahs Name much as it tends to soften the hearts. If everything fails to convince him, then you can take your case to the Sharia court, an Islamic authority, or an Islamic center in your area for a decision in the matter. We pray that Allah will grant us ease in all of our affairs and increase us in patience until He grants the success of all our efforts to please Him.

peace and blessing be upon him) is reported to have said that he hoped that his Ummah (nation) would be more numerous than any other on the Day of Resurrection. So, a Muslim is encouraged to marry and at an early age so that he can protect himself from sexual temptations and to preserve his religion. In addition, when selecting a marriage partner, a Muslim is to give highest priority to piety before other considerations. (Search our fatwa section for details.) Perhaps, a major part of your problem is in the way you are going about finding a suitable companion. In your inquiry you state that every time you go to see a girl In Islam there is no relationship between unmarried members of the opposite sex prior to marriage, so there is no going to see a girl for the purpose of finding a wife. You should let your parents, family members, elders, the imam, or pious friends, etc. in your community know that you are interested in getting married and ask their assistance in finding a suitable mate for you. After you have adequate information about her background, i.e., religion, piety, family, education, beauty, etc. you may arrange through her mahram to meet with her and them to discuss your proposal and see if there is mutual agreement on this matter. If there is approval by all parties (see our fatwa section for details) then you may proceed with the necessary steps to complete the marriage. It is not advisable to pursue a relationship where there is doubt about the persons piety, sound religious practice, etc. However, beware of rumors and suspicions; the Prophet (may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him) warned Muslims of being suspicious of one another for it contributes to divisions in the community and weakness in our ranks. We pray that Allah will bless you with a righteous, pious wife and that your marriage will be blessed with many healthy, believing children.

075. Wants to get married but is hesitating

I want to get married but every time I go to see a girl something in my head tells me to say no. I want to get married very badly, but I dont know whats wrong with me. I have a neighbor overseas who wants me to marry her daughter but I dont want to. I hear that she deals with magicians. When my grandfather visited our house overseas he said all the pictures were missing. Could it be that she put some kind of spell on me? Please get back to me as soon as possible. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring brother, Allah has made marriage so that man and woman may enjoy one another in mutual love and respect, to comfort one another, share a spiritual life together, and to propagate the religion of Islam. The Prophet (may Allahs

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078. Sunni girl and Shia brother

I am an Arab Sunni girl from Yemen and I have lived most of my life in England. I have been introduced to a Shia brother (Shia Ithna Ashariya). He is a very religious person. He is a very practicing Muslim. I really love him very much and he loves me too. He is a very straight person, and wants to marry me as soon as possible but the problem is I dont know whether Im on the right or not. He is a Pakistani brother from Lahore and he is willing to live in the UK to keep me happy. So I want you to tell me if this person is good for me or not. I am willing to do anything for my religion even if it means to lose this person. He wants me to become Shia, and since then I didnt speak to him because I feel that he wants me to change my whole life and belief. Please, please tell me what to do; Im stuck and very depressed. I need your help and advice. I want you to tell me if its right for a Sunni to marry a Shia. I have found out that he hates the three caliphs and curses them the whole time, and what Ive learnt about the sahabah is incredible; I dont want to lose that. I seek your advice please help me! Thank you. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, we thank Allah for touching your heart and sending you to our site for help. All praise is to Allah Who has established marriage so that man and woman might enjoy one another in love and mutual regard. In Islam great importance is given to the piety of the husband and wife, much more than any other quality, for it is the degree of their submission to Allah and observance of Islam in Sharia that ultimately will determine their happiness in married life.

Your situation raises several issues of that you need to consider: in Islam there is no intimate relationship between a woman and an alien man before marriage; having a boyfriend is not permitted. So such a relationship is in disobedience to Allah. All Muslim scholars agree on this issue. Next, you indicate there is a serious difference of religious belief, that he wants you to become Shia and change your whole life and belief. You also state that he hates and curses the three caliphs. On this point alone, you should know that the Prophet (may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him) named the first three caliphs as those among the Ten companions who were promised Paradise. So, if Allah revealed to His Prophet that He had promised them Paradise who dares to speak ill of them or curse them? May Allah protect us from that. Furthermore, the Prophet, may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him, related that his generation was the best of Allahs creation, followed by the generation after that, followed by the next one, meaning the Sahabah, their students, and then those who came after them. In addition, we are instructed to follow the Quran, the Sunnah of the Prophet (may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him), and the understanding of the rightly-guided predecessors. So, whoever rebels against the ordainments of Allah and His Messenger gives evidence that they are led astray. The scholars advise against marrying such a person until they repent. The fact that you have allowed yourself to enter into such a relationship suggests that you do not seek family guidance in making serious decisions about your affairs. Muslims are advised to seek mutual consultation from their parents, family members, elders, and such before making major decisions, in addition to making istakhrah (the prayer for guidance). If you are ready for marriage you should discuss the matter with your parents and ask them to seek a suitable candidate for you, and follow their advice. Remember that they cannot force you to marry someone against your will, but their approval of your choice will go a long way to ensure that you will have a happy family life.

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If you wish to be relieved of your depression, you should repent to Allah, deeply and sincerely of your disobedience to Him, vow never to do it again, and stay busy in ways that are pleasing to Him. Increase your acts of worship, good deeds, and keep company with pious, righteous people. We pray that Allah will provide you with a pious, caring husband who will honor, protect, and help propagate the religion which He has perfected.

40. She gave birth to three sons and four daughters during their marriage. He, may Allah exalt his mention, remained with her, as his only wife, until she died and he was 50. If he, may Allaah exalt his mention, had wanted to take another wife during this first marriage, there was no law, reason, or custom to prevent him from doing so. In another marriage, the Prophet, may Allah exalt his mention,s wife was Zaynab bint Jahsh, may Allaah have mercy on her, one of his cousins, whom he had known from childhood. In addition to the closeness of their lineage, this marriage is mentioned here for another reason: the Prophet, may Allaah exalt his mention, married her by Allahs command after she had married and was divorced by his beloved adopted son, Zayd ibn Haarithah who was called Zayd ibn Muhammad, may Allaah have mercy upon him. The issues regarding this marriage is in the Book of Allaah where Allaah says (which means): And (remember, O Muhammad), when you said to the one on whom Allaah bestowed favor and you bestowed favor,8 Keep your wife and fear Allaah, while you concealed within yourself that which Allaah is to disclose.9 And you feared the people,10 while Allah has more right that you fear Him.11 So when Zayd had no longer any need for her, We married her to you in order that there not be upon the believers any discomfort (i.e., guilt) concerning the wives of their claimed (i.e., adopted) sons when they no longer have need of them. And ever is the command (i.e., decree) of Allah accomplished. [Quran, 33:37] The example that the Prophet, may Allaah exalt his mention, set for us is the perfect example for us to follow for, indeed, he was excellent in character and in obedience to Allaah, the Almighty.
8 -Referring to the Prophets freed slave, Zayd bin Haarithah 9 -i.e, Allahs command to the Prophet, may Allah exalt his mention, to marry Zaynab after Zayd divorced her. This was to demonstrate that a man may marry a woman formerly married to his adopted son. 10-i.e., feared their saying that the Prophet, may Allah exalt his mention, had married the (former) wife of his son (which is prohibited by Allah in the case of a true, begotten son.) 11 -By making known His command.

089. Wants to marry his cousin but is afraid of what people will think
male 18 student Canada I have a cousin (my mothers sisters daughter) two years older than me who I like very much. I see in her the qualities I would like my wife to have. Because of this, I think that she is the most suitable woman for me. I know that if I ask for her hand in marriage her parents would accept and so would she but because of the society in which I live, Im afraid of what people might think of our marriage. Please advise me. We are both Muslims coming from respected families involved in Islamic work. So Im afraid that our marriage may affect our involvement in the Dawah and how people see us. Response: In the Name of Allaah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear brother, we thank Allah for sending you to our site for help. As you know, in Islam it is lawful for cousins to marry and difference in age between the marital partners alone is not a consideration. As you may know, when the Prophet, may Allah exalt his mention, married his first wife, Khadijah bint Khuwailid, may Allaah have mercy on her, he was 25 years old and she was

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The issue that you raised about what will people think and the effect that may have upon the dawah work certainly needs to be addressed. Living in a land of the disbelievers has many disadvantages for Muslims in the practice of their religion, and for this reason Muslims have to be certain (in their hearts) that remaining in such a place is for an Islamic reason. (Please search our site, especially the Fatwa Corner for details.) Muslims know, accept, and support the foundations of the marriage you are contemplating. The customs of the country where you live may differ according to law and perception, so Muslims are warned about being among those who make unlawful (haraam) what Allah has made lawful (halaal) and lawful what Allah has made unlawful. In Islam marriage is one-half of our religion. Since you are a young man, able and willing to marry, have found a Muslim woman you and your family approve of, and who with her family approves of you, why put off getting married for fear of what disbelieving people think? Your devotion to your faith in spite of all difficulties may be just the convincer that they need to seriously consider Islam. On the other hand, their opposition to your righteous marriage and good intentions, may be just the convincer you need to consider migration to be among the Muslims. Allah says (which means): And whoever fears Allah He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a (decreed) extent. [Quran 65:2-3] By all means pray to Allah for guidance, consult with your parents, and make Istikhaarah (the prayer for guidance about a decision you have made). Feel free to search our site the Fatwa Corner and Advisory Service for similar cases. We pray that Allah will purify our hearts and our intentions for Him alone, and that He will help us to love what He has legislated and hate what He has prohibited.

095. Marriage dilemma

(Gulf country) I have been in some dilemma for a long time and I have reached a point were I am very tired of it. My story in short is, I met a Christian Irish girl a year ago and we both have great feelings for each other and we believe we want to get married and that each one of us could make the other happy. There are some issues that worry me and are holding me back from making the decision of marrying the girl, for example, if we ar to get married we are expected to live in Ireland. This worries me because if I have kids, they will be growing up in an irish community and I fear they will pickup their habits like drinking and sex before marriage and stuff like that which is against our religion. Another issue that worries me is my parents, they will not like my marriage to a non-Arab Catholic for all the effects it could have on me, my religion, my kids and their religion. They might even be very angry about it I am not sure if they will welcome her into our family. I have never talked to the girl about converting to islam, it is her choice, but I always thought that she might consider it when she lives with me, but I wont depend on it. So I seek your sincere help, and trying to make it easy for you, please let me summarize the questions going through my mind: 1) Is it Halal or Haram to marry a Non-muslim? 2) If it is halal, is it Halal or Haram to go against my parents wish (especially my mothers) 3) I have never been to Ireland so, do u think if we live there I could have muslim kids? 4) in your personal opinion, do you think we stand a chance? 5) if I am to go through this marriage, what do you think are the conditions I must be sure to be met to make this work? finally i thank you for your great service, may God reward u right Response: In the Name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. We

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praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his Family, and his companions. Dear brother, We thank Allah for sending you to our site for help in this time of great decision in your life. Given the importance of family life in Islam, great emphasis is placed upon the selection of marital partners and the role of their families in the success of their marriage. Before answering the questions that you raised, it is necessary to call to your attention how you arrived at your dilemma in the first place, namely in Islam there is no relationship between a man and a woman outside of marriage. Even within the family relations of cousins, care is taken to observe this prohibition in order to protect the honor, reputation, and tender feelings of the young boys and girls. When this prohibition to relations between marriageable persons is violated, the door is opened to temptation and other desires which lead to serious problems no matter how well-intentioned at first the parties may be, as you now well know. From the tone of your letter, you are fully aware that the obstacles to your having a happy marriage weigh heavily against it. Lets bring them into focus. It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman from the People of the book, that is a Christian or Jewish woman, who is chaste and practicing her religion. However, after the marriage the wife is not obligated to embrace Islam, and her husband cannot demand that she do so. He can demand that their children be raised as Muslims as this is an obligation upon him. However, if she is not willing to become a Muslim, how can she be expected to raise your children as Muslims, especially in a non-Muslim country such as Ireland? This raises a more fundamental issue about your relationship. Since you are a Muslim, why are you considering moving to a non-Muslim country when this is prohibited unless for an Islamically permissible reason? This means to do so without legal grounds in Islamic law is sinful and places your own faith in jeopardy. (You may search our site for details, especially the Fatwa Corner.) In the context of raising your children, you would be on stronger ground remaining among the Muslims than raising them among non-Muslims as you mentioned.

An additional basic issue you raised was displeasing your parents, especially your mother. Muslims are to obey their parents, especially their mothers about whom Allah has revealed there is a great spiritual bond which demands our greatest respect after we give Allah His rights over us. So all of these matters compel us to ponder deeply before we get involved with an alien woman in any way. Unless we do so, we are likely to be led into temptation, and then step by step into sinful behavior, and finally into greater disobedience to Allaah. It is well known in Islam that the primary criterion for selecting a marital partner is piety, ones commitment to righteousness in accordance with the religion of Islam, over wealth, family position, or beauty. The degree to which one submits his will to the will of Allah is a determining factor in his success or failure, happiness or misery in this life and in the life to come. So we advise you to remain busy in religious pursuits, prayer, study, and surround yourself with pious practicing companions. By all means take your affairs to Allaah, consult with your parents before even contemplating major decisions, seek their advice, their approval, and their prayers. Mention Allahs name much, and pray the prayer for guidance (Istikhaara) after making any major decision. We pray that Allah will always make easy for us the path to His obedience for this life and the Hereafter.

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V. Homosexual issues
003. Islam and homosexuality
I was a gay man. I dont know, maybe I am. My gay experience was with an Arabic man from North of Africa; he lived in UAE. I had sex with him. I love him so much. But I left UAE and back in my country, in Asia, I dont know how to get rid of thinking gay. I think every time that I need that man always. He is 40 years old, married with children. I am over 30. Can Islam help me; my life is difficult with this thinking. Please give me details. Response: Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the World; and may His blessing and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his family and companions. Dear Inquirer, May all those who call upon Allah for guidance receive that which they seek. The tone of your letter and the circumstances you describe indicate that you are greatly suffering and need help. Yes, Islam can help you and others who need it. First we must have a clear understanding of the situation or condition to be remedied. To describe same-sex sexual relations as gay a sweet sounding, non-offensive term - may be a way of defending oneself from the reality of the seriousness of these acts. It may also be a technique used to quiet the turmoil of fear, anxiety, and guilt associated with acts that are unacceptable to the person experiencing them, and to make tolerable, behavior that would otherwise be condemned. This instinctive, disquieting, disturbing feeling that Im doing something wrong in all human beings is an indication that he knows right from wrong, and that he has the ability to choose between them. This conscience and freedom to choose to do good or evil are gifts from Allah to help guide the human being

through his journey here on earth. Further, to help him in making his moral choices, Allah sent His Messengers, Prophets, and His Holy books to guide those who would listen and to warn mankind of His punishment for their disobedience to Him. You must certainly be aware that the practice of homosexuality has been condemned by Allah in the story of Prophet Lot (Quran 11: 71-83; 27:5458) that his entire nation was destroyed for these unnatural acts which they even wanted to engage in with the Messengers sent to destroy them. These people were so engrossed in their abominable practices that they were oblivious of the grave danger facing them. In this story of Lot Allah makes clear that homosexuality is among the worst sins one can commit, and its punishment in this life is torment and disgrace and the Hell-fire in the Hereafter, unless one repents for it. The torment of Hell has been variously described in the Quran (mentioned more than 200 times) and sunnah, so we need not restate it here. During the lifetime of the Prophet and his companions acts of homosexuality were severely punished by death - being thrown from high places, being burned to death, being crushed, etc. The penalty (death) was the same for both participants in the act. The Fear of Allah and His punishment (Taqwa) is a blessing and Mercy from Allah to help protect us from the evil of Satan and of ourselves before we enter into prohibited acts, and reminds us to repent to Him after we have transgressed. The following are recommended ways that will help you (and us) to do this: 1. Do taubah (i.e. repent sincerely to Allah and turn to Him. You must close the door to further sinful acts of disobedience to Allah by seeking repentance sincerely, as one who has a broken heart for having offended his Lord and then desires only to please Him always. 2. Stay away from the company of evil people or friends who glamorize and glorify those deeds and acts that are sinful and

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make them attractive to you. The company a person keeps has a great influence on reforming or corrupting him. Therefore, do not yearn for a former partner or a new one, but seek the company of righteous people who will help and benefit you in the matters of your religion and your worldly affairs. Turn your attention and your gaze away from all those things that arouse the passions, stimulate sexual desire, and lust, such as looking at and staying in the company of beardless young men, or even older men whom you may find attractive. Avoid even pictures, films, magazines, etc. that show their images. Make every effort to marry so that you remain pure and chaste. Remember the words of the Prophet (PBUH): O Assembly of youth! Those of you who have the means to marry, should do so. And whoever is unable to do so, must fast. For this is certainly a protection for him. (Bukhari, and Muslim) Fast in abundance in order to suppress the carnal desires and passions. Our Prophet (PBUH) said: Certainly Shaytan (Satan) flows in (the body of) man like the flowing of blood. So, subdue him by keeping fast. (Bukhari) Spend your spare time in those activities that will benefit you because the mind of an idle person becomes the target of sinful thoughts whispered by Satan and the nafs (the self which commands a person to do evil). Faithfully perform all prayers and religious obligations of Islam. Spend as much time as you can in the mosque around pious companions. Read and recite Quran regularly and often, and make dhikr frequently. Remember Allah much.

023. Troubled by her attraction to a cute boyish girl

Im very confused. Im a girl of 21, a feminine girl, all right and interested in boys. However, lately I find that I admire this girl whose appearance is like a boy and is very cute. For your information, I come from an all-girl boarding school but was never involved in such a mess before. Please help me. Im confused. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, We thank Allah for sending the Quran and His Messenger, may Allahs blessing and peace be upon him, as a warning and a mercy from Him, i.e., to warn Man of the Day of Judgment and a terrible punishment from Him, and glad tidings to the believers of Paradise. Dear Sister, Be warned - undisciplined sexual arousal and the sexual attraction of members of the same sex places you in grave danger here and in the Hereafter. At the age of puberty sexual attraction, desire, lust, whatever we chose to call it, must be understood, controlled, and channeled until it can be expressed fully and wholesomely within the bond of marriage. This is the Islamic ideal and the one Muslims must follow. Being 21 years old, you must have heard that Muslim women must wear hijab in order to protect themselves from the gaze of alien men (boys). Men and women are to lower their gaze to reduce temptation from the opposite sex. If they are not able to marry, they are to fast, pray, engage in useful activity to promote Islam, serve the Muslims, and increase their good deeds in order to reduce and control their sexual desires until they are able to marry. Above all, the Muslim man and woman make these conscious efforts to please Allah and to avoid His Displeasure.

Know that Allah has promised to forgive every sin no matter how serious if we turn to Him in repentance, and He has promised to show mercy to the believers in Him (those who join not partners with Him and follow the Quran and respected sunnah). We pray that Allah will purify our hearts and our intentions to obey and serve Him always. Allah knows best.

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These conscious efforts also extend to avoiding music (remember music is haram) because it stimulates sexual desire, romantic thoughts, wanting to dance with the opposite sex, etc. These conscious efforts include not thinking of dating, talking with alien men, chatting with them on the Internet, desiring to be in their company, etc. All of these efforts are focused toward subduing and channeling sexual desire, because simple sexual desire is not directed toward anything in particular; it only seeks release, or expression. For this reason its arousal can cause anxiety, fear and confusion for the undisciplined person. It is no wonder that you experience confusion when you feel attraction for a member of your own sex. Taking refuge in the fact that you are interested in boys does not provide the protection you seek; that fact only adds to your confusion. The protection you need comes only from Allah alone. The Islamic position regarding same-sex relations can be summarized from the following brief quotations on the subject. Prophet Muhammad (May Allahs peace and blessing be upon him) said, Certainly the thing I fear most on my ummah is the (wicked) practice of the people of Lot. (Tirmizi, Ahmad, Ibn Hajr Al-Haysami, Ad-Duri and Al-Aajuri) (Hadith Hasan). He (May Allahs peace and blessing be upon him) also said May Allah curse him who does what the people of Lot (alayhis salaam) did (Ibn Hibbaan). Ali bin Abi Taalib (may Allah be pleased with him) relates, Whoever allows himself to be used sexually (by becoming a homosexual or sodomite), Allah, The Exalted will expel from him the (natural) desire for women. Najeeb As-Sirri (may Allah have mercy upon him) says, They (i.e. our pious elders) would even dislike looking at handsome young boys. He (May Allahs blessings and peace be upon him) has also said, Lesbianism by women is adultery between them. (Tabraani) It has been confirmed that Prophet Muhammad (May Allahs blessings an peace be upon him) said, Kill the one who sodomizes and the one too who lets it be done to him. (Tirmizi). Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) had passed such a ruling and Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) was very severe in his ruling against such a crime, that is, such persons should be put to death by means of fire, executed by being thrown from a great height, or that a wall should be dropped upon him. Others among the sahabah (companions) and scholars held the opinion that those who commit the

evil deed of the people of Lot (May peace be upon him) should be stoned to death, whether they be married or unmarried. This is also one of the narrations of Imaams Ahmad, Shaafiee and Abu Sawr (May Allah be pleased with them). Ibn Abbaas (May Allah be pleased with him) was once asked about the punishment for the homosexual. He replied, He should be taken to the top of the highest building in the town and thrown headlong from there. Then he should be pelted with stones. So, Dear Sister, you are advised to repent sincerely to Allah and turn to Him. Avoid company of people who like immoral, prohibited acts. Turn away from that which arouses your passions. Make every effort to get married in order to become and remain pure and chaste. Fast frequently to suppress carnal desires and spend much time in activities, which benefit you, by reducing the time the mind may be available for evil thoughts. We seek refuge in Allah from our basest desires, and seek His Help to raise us to the noblest ideals of Islam.

035. Her Quran teacher wants to get close for non-Islamic reasons
I have a friend living in a Muslim country who goes to a study circle every evening to learn Quran. The teacher is a good teacher and friendly, but treats my friend in a very special way. This may sound sick, but the teacher looks at her as though she has fallen in love with her. Whenever she looks at her she makes sure that she has makeup on. Some girls said that once the teacher went on holiday and some girls couldnt learn any more Quran, and when the teacher returned one girl actually prostrated to her. This is a Muslim teacher of Quran and Islam. My friend is really annoyed with her because she teaches Islam so that people study to please her rather than Allah. In spite of my friend trying to stay away from her as much as possible, her teacher is always trying to become close to her. Whenever my friend takes a step back the teacher takes an extra step forward. My friend wrote a letter to the teacher telling her that if she is becoming close to her

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for Allahs sake then reply, but if she is becoming close because she has a problem then dont reply, and the teacher didnt reply. Its really sad that we still have so many problems like this today when Muslims should be doing more to help their brothers and sisters. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and peace upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, we ask Allah to reward you for your interest in helping your friend and for your interest in the Muslim nation as a whole. We pray that Allah will bless and reward your friend in her efforts to learn and understand the Qur an and the Sunnah. Dear Sister, The situation that you described regarding the study circle, if true, is most unfortunate for many reasons. Teaching or learning the Quran is a sacred duty for the sake of pleasing Allah alone for which He will give the reward. A Muslim should not prostrate before any human being, nor should any Muslim accept the prostration of another human being to him. Prostration, even the nodding of the head in deference to another human being is regarded as a form of reverence and any form of reverence is reserved for Allah alone. So this kind of behavior is out of character for Muslims, should be discouraged and avoided. (Search our site for information and details.) The teachers behavior toward your friend that you described as being of a romantic nature certainly is unusual, and also is to be discouraged and avoided. Your friend handled the situation correctly by trying to clarify the teachers intention rather than making assumptions based upon suspicions, which Muslims also are to avoid. Given these two serious issues regarding this teacher, I would advise your friend to find another means of learning the Qur an. If she is living with her parents she should discuss this matter

with them to find a proper solution. She should avoid discussing it with outsiders because it may cause unintentional harm, and Muslims are to avoid gossip and backbiting. Perhaps her leaving this class without further interaction with this teacher will be a warning to her that she needs to be above suspicion in her behavior in the future. Let us hope so. May Allah protect us and grant us the wisdom to use good judgment and discretion in all doubtful situations.

056. Befriending homosexuals

Living in these modern times wherein homosexuals are present right and left, is it a sin to be friends with them such as if you are neighbors or office workers? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear inquirer, know that Muslims do not take as friends disbelievers of any kind, homosexuals or not. Allah Says (what means) in the Quran, O you who believe! Take not as (your) Bitanah (advisors, consultants, protectors, helpers, friends) those outside your religion (pagans, Jews, Christians, and hypocrites) since they will not fail to do their best to corrupt you. They desire to harm you severely. (3: 118) (Search our fatwa section for details) That does not mean Muslims can not be friendly toward them. In fact, we are to be good examples of Islam so our neighbors, office workers, etc. may become interested in Islam and seek salvation by following the teachings of the Quran and respected Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him).

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In addition, as you mentioned nowadays particularly in Western countries one may frequently come in contact with homosexuals and those sympathetic to them, it is necessary for Muslims to know the ruling of Islam about homosexuality and those who engage in it. Prophet Muhammad (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him) said, Certainly the thing I fear most on my ummah is the (wicked) practice of the people of Lot.(Tirmizi, and others) He also said, May Allah curse him who does what the people of Lot did.(Ibn Hibbaan) The Prophet also said, Lesbianism by women is adultery between them.(Tabraani) It is also confirmed that he said, Kill the one who commits sodomy and the one who lets it be done to him.(Tirmizi) So in Islam homosexuality is condemned in the strongest possible terms and Muslims are to make no compromises about it or those who engage in it. (Please consult our web site for other details concerning this great sin.)

story of Prophet Lot (Lut) and the destruction of Sodom show clearly that homosexuality is a sin (disobedience to Allah) and is punishable by Him. Second, Allah has Said that He will forgive all sins, except joining others in worship with Him unless one repents of that; even that sin He will forgive after sincere repentance. (Numerous Quranic verses attest to this fact) In a hadith narrated by Thawban, he heard Allahs Messenger (Peace be upon him) say, I would not give this verse for the whole world, My servants who have transgressed against their souls, do not despair A man asked whether that included those who had associated partners with Allah, and after remaining silent for a time the Prophet said three times, Yes, it includes even those who have associated partners with Allah. (Tirmidhi) In another hadith reported from Ibn Abbas Some pagans who committed murders in great numbers and committed illegal sexual intercourse excessively, came to (Prophet) Muhammad and said, O Muhammad! Whatever you say and invite people to is good: but we wish if you could inform us whether we can make expiation for our (past evil) deeds. The verse was revealed: Say: O My slaves who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. (39:53) (Bukhari) So, dear inquirer, accept the true religion Islam and declare its acceptance as soon as possible. Know that by accepting Islam, Allah will remove all your past sins, no matter how great or numerous they are, whether it is homosexuality or anything else. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning) in Quran: Say to those who have disbelieved, if they cease (from disbelief) their past will be forgiven.(8:38) If you accept Islam, Allah will take care of you, protect you and bless you to avoid this bad practice. (Search our site for information about reverting to Islam) In addition, you are advised to do the following to remain free of this evil: 1. Repent sincerely to Allah and turn to Him. You must avoid further sinful acts of disobedience to Allah. 2. Remember to fear Allah (His punishment) as He should be feared. Continue reminding yourself of the punishment afflicted on the nation

059. Wants to be free of homosexuality

How can I be rid of homosexuality? Will I be forgiven for it? Thanks! Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessing upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Inquirer, We thank Allah that you came to this site seeking a way to be free from the sin of homosexuality. You can be rid of homosexuality and you can be forgiven of it. First, it is necessary to recognize and accept that homosexuality is a SIN punishable by Allah. Sin is a condition subject to mans free will to chose and his ability to accept or reject right from wrong. Sin is not a condition into which man is born it is not in the genes. Contrary to the best scientific efforts to prove otherwise, homosexuality has not been shown to be genetically inherited or based in the genes. The

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of Lot. Allah destroyed it all by a severe torment. It was raised it to the sky and then thrown upside down to the earth. 3. Stay away from the company of evil people or friends who make sinful acts attractive to you. Seek the company of pious and righteous people who will help and benefit you in the matters of your religion and your worldly affairs. 4. Turn your attention and your gaze away from all those things that arouse the passions, stimulate sexual desire, and lust, such as looking at and staying in the company of beardless young men, or even older men whom you may find attractive. Avoid even pictures, films, magazines, etc. that show their images. 5. Hasten to marry since marriage helps one to protect his private parts. 6. Fast in abundance in order to suppress the carnal desires and passions. 7. Remind yourself also of the bad diseases carried by this practice. 8. A most important source to make you avoid this habit is to keep in your mind that Allah Almighty always sees you and He is Aware of all your movements. 9. By all means read the Quran and Islamic materials regularly and often to increase your knowledge of Islam and bring you closer to Allah and His protection. You may also check other Islamic websites for advice; e.g. www.alharamain. org, and other Islamic websites dealing with cure. We pray that Allah will purify our hearts and our intentions to obey and serve Him always.

VI. Use and abuse of the Internet and telephone 020. A wrong number who keeps calling back
(Student Age:19 United Kingdom) This happened about 3 months ago; I accidentally dialed a wrong number, when calling a friend. The number turned out to be that of a Muslim sister. From that time she has rung back and continues to. She is practicing and doesnt talk of anything rude or nasty, but rather we talk about issues relating to our deen. Masha Allah, she is very sensible and mature. I have absolutely no intention of meeting or marrying this sister. Is it permissible for me to carry on like this? Please reply urgently, as I want to be certain. May Allah reward you for your excellent service. Response: In the Name of Allaah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. We praise Allaah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring brother, may Allah bless you for seeking the truth in a matter about which you are doubtful and therefore can lead you far astray from His path. In Islam there is no relationship between marriageable men and women before marriage, especially if there is no need to do so, such as business or professional contacts. Even these contacts could open the door to temptations, forbidden emotional involvement, and exposure to dangers that could easily be avoided from the beginning. That is why they should be avoided as much as possible. (Search our Fatwa Corner about contacts between marriageable men and women.) There is no useful purpose for continuing this relationship and only can cause both of you trouble and regret. So, end it now, repent sincerely to Allah, regret having offended Him, vow never to contact this person again, and become more involved in religious activities.

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May Allaah call us to His remembrance and multiply our good deeds for this life and the next.

person again, and deeply involve yourself in religious activities. (Feel free to consult other advisories or our fatwa section for other steps you may take.) If you feel you are ready for marriage and are able to do so by all means discuss this matter with your parents and proceed in the proper manner. Avoid opening the door to temptation and Satans whisperings. Strive to get near to Allah by love for what He has legislated and hate for what He has prohibited, and fear Allah as He should be feared (His punishment). Yes, Allah will forgive sincere repentance. Then be grateful to Him and for the fact that He kept you from falling deeper into sin. We thank Allah for calling us to Islam, His infinite Mercies to us, and His protection from sin, and covering our faults when we stray. May our hearts be ever receptive to His reminding us to obey Him.

061. Repentant for talking to a guy online

I am a 19 year old girl. Three years ago I met someone on the internet and we talked and fell in love. But about four months ago I stopped talking to him because I realized I needed to change. I am very happy that I stopped talking to him and I am really not looking forward to talk to him again, even though I still have love for him. On Eid, I sent a greeting card to him; it was only one sentence long, Eid Mubarak. But, now, I feel bad for sending it, even though my intention was only to greet him for Eid and not to start talking again. Is that haram? What should I do? Will Allah forgive me even though I knew, before I sent to him the card, that it was haram? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, It is clear from the way you describe your problem that you know right from wrong, and because you do the advice you seek is to practice what you already know, but may not be prepared to accept. Chatting on the Internet between marriageable men and women is not permitted in Islam unless it is for a legal reason in Sharia. This prohibition is to protect both persons from temptations, to protect their honor, and to avoid hurt feelings. Also, in Islam there is no relationship between men and women such as courtship outside of marriage. Yes, the relationship you describe is haram, sinful, and in disobedience to Allah. You do need to end it, repent sincerely to Allah, deeply regret having offended Him, vow never to contact this

066. Chatting with a girl on Internet

Im a businessman, 28 years old; I used to chat with a girl on the Internet. Then I stopped contacting her, but we still love each other. What can I do? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessing upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Brother, chatting on the Internet between marriageable men and women is not permitted in Islam unless it is for a legal reason in Sharia. This prohibition is to protect both persons from temptations, to protect their honor, and to avoid hurt feelings. Also, in Islam there is no relationship between men and women such as courtship outside of marriage. So you are advised to end this relationship immediately, repent to Allah for your disobedience to

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Him, deeply regret having offended Him, vow never to become involved in such a relationship again and occupy your time with doing good deeds. Remember that claiming to be in love is no excuse to continue a prohibited relationship. A Muslim should seek the Pleasure of Allah and fear Him (His punishment) as He should be feared. These are means of avoiding temptations. We ask Allah to help us to love Him and what He has legislated, and to hate for His Sake and what He has prohibited.

067. Husband chatting with ladies on internet

My husband is a good man, kind, sweet and romantic. Recently because of his colleagues at work, he learned to chat on the Internet. He spends long hours chatting. He says he just wants to play. Recently, I found that he keeps their female phone numbers and once I found that he sent messages. I confronted him and he said it doesnt mean anything. He doesnt mention love or the like, only for friendship. He said he writes and even advises them sometimes as if acting like big brother to them. I dont how to stop him. Our relationship is okay, I just cant relax knowing that he is talking with other ladies for no reason at all. He promised before that he will stop and for me not to get angry. I have told him many times, this is haram but he said just for friends and he just wants to play. Please tell me what to tell him. May Allah reward you! Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessing upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear inquiring Sister, May Allah bless you for being a patient and caring wife to your husband, and may you continue to be so to help him stop the sinful practice you

mentioned. (On this site there are numerous fatawa addressing chatting with alien women - and men - on the Internet; feel free to consult them for details.) In Islam there is no relationship between marriageable men and women before marriage, and especially between a married man and alien women. There is no playing while chatting with alien women. The activities you describe are haram, sinful, and in disobedience to Allah. These contacts open the door to temptations, forbidden emotional involvement, and exposure to dangers that could easily be avoided from the beginning. He needs to end it immediately, repent sincerely to Allah, deeply regret having offended Him, vow never to contact these persons again, and become more involved in religious activities. By all means discuss this matter gently and lovingly with you husband; first reminding him that you are his sister in-Islam and it is your duty to correct evil behavior when you see it, with your hand if possible, then with your tongue, and finally by hating it in your heart if nothing else. Remind him that Allah has rights over Him first, as we have mentioned. Then, you have rights over him as his wife and the time he spends with alien women is time he could be spending with you. His behavior is offensive to you and you do feel it as you have stated. If you need to seek the help of your or his parents in this matter, please do so in a nice way to get your husband to increase his faith and practice of Islam. We advise you to continue your efforts until he stops this habit. By the way, there are many religious topics and Islamic issues that he can research on the Internet, which is a much better use of log-on time. However, I would suggest that the two of you spend more time studying and learning about Islam together, that way both of you will be pleasing Allah and only good can come of it, Allah willing. May Allah bless our efforts to remind one another of our duty to Him and to avoid all pathways that lead us to temptations and evil deeds.

068. Visiting dirty websites

I often go to Internet cafes and open your website and other Islamic websites and have a use for it. But sometimes I open dirty websites and

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after I leave the internet cafe I regret what I did. So I need your advice to avoid such habits. Thanks. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear inquiring brother, We thank Allah for sending you to our site for help in dealing with this problem. We pray Allah to answer the prayers of those who seek to be rightly guided in this life and the life to come. In this so-called information age there is information and entertainment readily available of all kinds for all appetites on the Internet. Much of what can be found is prohibited for the believer in Islamic teachings and principles. In other words, it is haram, prohibited for Muslims. Unfortunately, this material is so easy to access that it takes just a little temptation or curiosity to get into it as you have implied in your inquiry. Knowing this, a Muslim has to make firm intension about his purpose before entering the Internet, i.e. that he intends to use it for reasons that are for Allahs pleasure alone. He can seek protection from Allah by saying, I seek refuge of Allah from Satan, the accursed (Auudh billaahi minash shaitaanir Rajeem). Then, he can invoke the Name of Allah, and say Bismillaah in order to make his actions become acts of worship. These suggestions can be applied to many of our normal activities so that we remember Allah often, become more God-conscious, and increase our good deeds for which we may be rewarded. On the other hand, a Muslim should always remember to fear Allah (His punishment) as He should be feared that the fuel of Hell-fire is men and stones. He needs to increase Taqwa (fear of Allah) as a means of avoiding the prohibitions that Allah has established and to find favor with Allah by obeying what He has commanded and what He has legislated.

So the Muslim must always keep the balance: on the one hand he lives between the hope of Allahs Mercy and on the other the fear of Allahs punishment. We ask Allah to incline our hearts always to His Glorious Mercy, increase us in gratitude for right guidance, and protect us from the whisperings of Satan. May Allah grant us the good of this life and the good of the Hereafter in His Paradise.

076. Relationship on Internet

I have a question. I have met a guy on the chat who lives in Lebanon. He is 22 and Im 19. I have known him for three years. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. When I told my parents, they rejected the idea because they think that he wants just to use me in order to come to Australia. I said thats not true, so we had an argument and said no to this guy. But the thing is that we have deep feelings towards each other and it is hard to let it go. He says that he will try to come here and see my parents to prove that he loves me. They told me to stop this relationship, but I didnt; its hard. I have finally found the right guy for me, but my parents rejected him. I need your advice to help me. What should I do? I really want him and he really wants me and I dont know what to do. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, Chatting on the Internet between marriageable men and women is not permitted in Islam unless it is for a legal reason in Sharia. This prohibition

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is to protect both persons from temptations, to protect their honor, and to avoid hurt feelings. Also, in Islam there is no relationship between men and women such as courtship outside of marriage. In addition, no Muslim young woman can marry without the consent of her parents or wali. If they object as your parents have done, then she should follow their advice. Remember also that we are advised to obey our parents (see our fatwa section for details). So you are advised to end this relationship immediately as they have advised you, repent to Allah for your disobedience to Him, deeply regret having offended Him, vow never to become involved in such a relationship again and occupy your time with doing good deeds. Remember that claiming to be in love is no excuse to continue a prohibited relationship. If you feel you are ready for marriage and want to do so by all means discuss this matter with your parents and proceed in the proper manner. Avoid opening the door to temptation and Satans whisperings. Strive to get near to Allah by love for what He has legislated and hate for what He has prohibited, and fear Allah as He should be feared (His punishment). These are means of avoiding temptations and their subsequent sufferings such as you are now experiencing. We pray that Allah will open the gates of His mercy to us, protect us from all that is in disobedience to Him, and grant us forgiveness when we repent to Him for our misdeeds. We pray that Allah will ease your difficulties and lead you to a righteous and pious husband.

the man (to be) is not present but in the US because of his illegal state? The only problem is that he is waiting for years now to get a green card. Can my parents disapprove because of his social status? How else can he ask for my hand while he is so far away from me? I am keeping contact via email/chat and telephone. I have known him for 6 years now, and I find that someone should take a step/action? Please help me with this dilemma. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, we thank Allah for touching your heart and sending you to our site for help. All praise is to Allah Who has established marriage so that man and woman might enjoy one another in love and mutual regard. In Islam great importance is given to the piety of the husband and wife, much more than any other quality, for it is the degree of their submission to Allah and observance of Islam in Sharia that ultimately will determine their happiness in married life. The fact that you have entered into a prohibited relationship with an alien man that has continued for six years is an indication that much is lacking in your understanding and practice of Islam. In addition to being disobedient to Allah which is sinful and dangerous should you die in such a condition, you are considering a lifetime commitment to someone who is not abiding by the law, no matter what reason he gives. You are jeopardizing you religion and your honor in such a relationship. You are advised to terminate this relationship immediately, repent to Allah, and vow never to contact this man again, become active in Islamic studies, and surround yourself with pious Muslim companions who will encourage you to adhere to Islamic principles.

088. Wants to marry a man she has known for six years via e-mail, chat and telephone I have a dilemma.
I know this man via my sister-in-law. He is a very good, sweet, kind Muslim man. I live in Holland and he lives illegally in the United States. I am going to Morocco this summer and he wants to let his parents meet my parents and ask for my hand. Can my parents refuse to accept this because

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Muslims are also advised to seek mutual consultation from their parents, family members, elders, and such before making major decisions, in addition to making istikharah (the prayer for guidance). If you are ready for marriage you should discuss the matter with your parents and ask them to seek a suitable candidate for you, and follow their advice. Their approval of your choice will go a long way to ensure that you will have a happy family life. We ask Allah to provide you with a pious, caring husband who will honor, protect, and help you to be steadfast on the religion which He has established for mankind until the Day of Resurrection.

VII.

Problems within the marriage relationship

012. Feels he is married to a stranger who doesnt understand him

I recently married just 4 months ago. I love my wife, but I just discovered that we are very different people. I cant find what I expected from her, such as a wife who understands what I may be suffering or feeling, happiness, etc. She seems so indifferent. I am trying with her, but it seems to be her nature, so its not her fault or her mistake. Frankly, Im thinking about separation, but I havent decided yet; she doesnt want me to leave and I dont want to either. But, I am suffering, feeling like Im living with a foreign person at home. Please tell me what to do. I really suffered a lot before marrying her because her parents hated me a lot. Please tell me what to do. Thanks a lot for your help. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Brother, All praise is to Allah Who has established the institution of marriage and blessed the union of man and woman in it so that they might enjoy one another in love and mutual regard. In Islam marriage is one-half of our religion. In marriage we are allowed to express the natural inclinations of the body as a form of worship to Allah and establish family life according to Sharia (Islamic law). Thus, family life establishes the foundation of the Muslim Ummah (society). Given the importance of family life in Islam, great emphasis is placed upon the selection of marital partners and the role of their families to help in that process. Great importance is given to the piety of the husband

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and wife, much more than any other quality, for it is the degree of their submission to Allah and observance of Islam in Sharia that ultimately will determine their happiness in married life. Dear Brother, We sympathize with your suffering; it is not easy to feel that one is married to a stranger, especially when there were high expectations of marital bliss during the first months of married life. You probably feel you have paid a high price in suffering to get married in the first place given your wifes parents held such a strong dislike for you from the beginning. Entering into a marriage without good family support and with strong feelings of dislike can lead to a very difficult marriage for many reasons which you can find in our fatwa section. However, you are in the marriage now and we want to encourage you to make the most of it. First of all, you need to show great patience always. In Islam, marital partners may know very little about each other, because they are not allowed to do much socializing together before marriage. If they are pious Muslims who are willing to submit to worship of Allah according to Sharia, then they should be able to overcome all difficulties and find happiness in married life, Allah willing. So, in a real sense all Muslim couples enter married life as strangers to each other; some are more strangers than others. It is in married life that the Muslim man and the Muslim woman become a Muslim husband and the Muslim wife. Each gets to know the other as the person each one is, and through love, understanding, patience, covering one anothers faults and by applying principles of Islam to their problems they become friends and gain happiness in their life together. In addition, it is essential to the success of the Muslim family that the relationship between each partners family is respected and strengthened, so that the extended family are contributors to the success and happiness of all its members. Obviously, you have work to do to help your wifes

parents to accept your marriage. You can begin by being caring and loving to their daughter, and show them that in spite of their feelings toward you, you want to make her happy and have her best interest at heart. So, you must show patience, maturity and wisdom. We are here to help as much as we can. May Allah replace our difficulty with ease, place compassion in our hearts for those who suffer for His sake, and help us to stand firmly on His way, the religion of Islam, until the hour that is certain.

015. In love with husband but frustrated in marriage to him

I am 41 years old and have been married to my 42 year-old husband for 18 years. We have five children. Now I feel like it is time to divorce him. Ever since we have known each other I have felt that he doesnt love me. I think he just stays with me because he liked the sex first and more now because of the kids. Every so often we quarrel and he insults me personally and unfairly calling me all sorts of names. Although this is not physical abuse, it feels the same and sometimes worse than physical abuse. Usually the quarrels begin when I state an opinion of my own and as long as I agree with everything he says and does, all is fine, but the moment I talk about my feelings things go wrong. When we do have sex (which is rare) it is beautiful, but I always want more. Maybe you are wondering why I have decided now? The truth is that I love him and have always consoled myself that one day he will love me too, because I thought my love was strong enough and true enough for it to happen. But it doesnt seem to happen. Now I have had enough, and his insults hurt. Every time he feels like throwing abuse, he asks me why Im still with him and when am I going to leave him as I keep promising to do. Any advice?

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Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most gracious, the Most Merciful.We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear Sister, All praise is to Allah Who has established the institution of marriage and blessed the union of man and woman in it so that they might enjoy one another in love and mutual regard. Marriage in Islam is one-half of our religion. In marriage how a man treats his wife and how a wife treats her husband can be acts of worship of Allah if they love Him and act according to His commands. Allah has blessed you and your husband to be married for eighteen years and has given you five children. In spite of your quarreling you say there is still love between you. Praise Allah and be grateful to Him for it. Dear Sister, you and your husband must know that quarreling between husband and wife is from Satan, for he likes nothing better than to bring discord between a husband and wife, according to hadith by Muslim. Know that in Islam a husband is to cover the faults of his wife, and she his faults. You must speak kindly to one another, and treat each other kindly and with patience. Be aware when a quarrel is about to start that it is Satan trying to sow mischief between the two of you. Repulse his approach by remembering Allah and seeking refuge in Him from Satans power. Then speak kind, loving words to your husband; yes, it is even permissible to lie to each other in marriage to make peace and promote good will. Remember that Allah has promised to bring ease after every difficulty, and that there are two relieves with every difficulty. Know too that Allah does not burden a person beyond his scope; He is Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Dear Sister, you must know, too, that threatening to leave your husband is the same

as if he threatened to divorce you in terms of how it must make him feel. Husbands should not make such threats idly to their wives, especially when they are angry or annoyed with them for trivial reasons. Wives should avoid doing the same, and especially since wives cannot leave their husbands without legal reasons. You and your husband should make every effort to reconcile your differences, vow to maintain mutual respect for one another. Recall the happiness you once had together, the sweetness of the intimacy that you both still enjoy and still want to share. Also, try to look forward to the years ahead together, seeing your children grown, married and your grandchildren on the way. Make plans for what you want to do during these coming years. By all means pray together; study Islam together. Were never so knowledgeable that we cant learn more about our religion, or anything else for that matter. Read material together on topics that may interest both of you and discuss what youve read. Develop relations with other pious Muslim couples who may also like to have good conversation. In addition, you and your husband may try spending a little time away together, just the two of you. Most of all tell each other how much you really care for each other. Remember this: people who hurt the most care the most. From what you mentioned in your letter you and your husband still care deeply for each other. You just need to work harder at getting Satan out of the picture. May Allah replace our difficulties with ease, rekindle love and compassion between husbands and wives, and bring stability and permanence in homes where Muslim children are being raised.

017. Lonely at home while husband is with his friends.

How can I get my husband to notice me more? We have been married for almost a year, and I get too much interference from his friends. I remain at

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home alone while he spends hours with his friends. My husband fasts and prays salat, and I do too. It is only this problem that is getting me down. I ask for help in this matter. Thank you. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, All praise is to Allah for joining you in marriage with a good religious husband who fasts and prays salat, and one whose faults are few. You recognize the good qualities in your husband and seek help so that you may enjoy more of his companionship. It is always helpful to remember the blessings of Allah when we seek His help with our problems. Thank Allah for all of the good qualities of your husband, ask Allahs blessings upon him, and pray that Allah will bring you both close together in His worship and in His service. Dear Sister, It is natural to feel lonely at home alone when your husband is away, whether he is with his friends, at work, or on some other matter. How can you spend this time constructively, in a way that will please Allah, and help you grow as a Muslim? Having such time can be a blessing if it is used wisely. Discuss with your husband that you have so much time alone at home and would like his help in using it wisely. What does he suggest? Perhaps there are some activities that you both can enjoy, and you should be prepared to offer suggestions. Try to avoid simply complaining that he is spending too much time with his friends. Since you want him to spend more time with you, focus upon what the two of you may do together. Remember also that it is natural for men and women to want to spend time with their friends. Perhaps you can invite some of your friends over

for activities that will be beneficial for them, such as reading and discussing some Islamic materials, planning a charitable activity, or visiting the sick, etc. It is important that we dont simply pass time by watching television, chatting about trivial matters, gossiping, and other counter-productive activities. On occasion you might have a group of friends to your house to hear an invited guest lead a discussion on an Islamic topic of interest. Be creative about how you spend your time. To get your husband to notice you more requires some special attention on your part. First, always try to maintain a pleasant attitude smile and use soothing voice with addressing your husband. Listen carefully when he speaks to you, and show an interest in what he is saying. Praise him on his good qualities, and cover his faults. Find out his favorite meals and prepare them the way he likes them. If your cooking could stand improvement, make an effort to do so. By all means, try to look your best when you know your husband is due to come home. Greet him warmly and let him know youre happy to have him home with you. Be patient, especially when you dont feel like it. Practice not complaining; try to see the good side, even when it may be difficult. If, or when your husband complains about you, use it as an opportunity to find out how you can please him. Let him know that you want to make him happy, because, that way, both of you will be happy. Dress in the manner and wear the kind of perfume that you know appeals to him. In short, make your home difficult for your husband to leave and when he does he will want to hurry back, especially when youre there to greet him. Remember that a happy home and a happy marriage require constant attention and hard work, but the rewards are priceless. We thank Allah for giving us mates from among ourselves to lighten our hearts and to give us joy, love and comfort in this life in preparation for the next.

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031. Wants more children, but husband wont cooperate

You sent me an answer to my last question, but I cant do as you suggested; he will divorce me directly. I want to tell you that he doesnt pray all the time. I think he saw bad picture, and he sometimes closes the bathroom door with the key when no one is at home except me. Sometimes when he returns home from work when I remind him to pray Asr, Maghreb, or Isha, he takes a shower and prays, at other times he doesnt listen to me. He sleeps with me 2 or 3 times per month, sometimes not at all. I dont know why he does that. I am definitely not an ugly woman, and all friends tell him he is lucky to have me as his wife. I need your advice, but I hate to divorce him. I cant do that. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and Mercy upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, The question you sent to our Fatwa section was sent to me for a response. I will try to advise you as best that I can. If I am correct, you initially wrote to us requesting help because you wanted more children, your husband didnt; he doesnt like children and he doesnt like taking care of them. You also mentioned that he avoided marital relations with you, and you discovered he had been looking at pornography on the Internet and masturbating. From this information it seems likely that your husband does enjoy sex, sometimes with you, and sometimes through other means. It seems that your strong desire to have more children and your husband wanting to avoid that possibility has created a strain in your marriage that the two of you need to find a way to resolve. For starters, the two of you need to think carefully about the foundation

of your marriage. In Islam marriage is one-half of our religion. In marriage we express the physical need, emotional desire, and natural inclinations of the body for one another as a form of worship of Allah according to Sharia (Islamic law). From this union of husband and wife, family life is established, and from family life is built the foundation of Islamic society (the Ummah). Due to the importance of family life in Islam, great emphasis is placed upon piety as a criterion for selecting a marital partner. If the husband and wife are pious Muslims willing to submit to worship Allah according to Sharia, then they should be able to overcome all difficulties and find happiness in married life, Allah willing. So, the two of you need to look for ways to improve your practice of Islam, individually and together. (Search our web site for information and details.) Next, you mentioned that you have a daughter and a stepson. Are these your husbands children? How does he treat them? In what ways might he need to improve his treatment of them? How do you treat them? Are the children taught and being raised to be good practicing Muslims? Are you and your husband in agreement about how the children should be raised, and are each of you willing to assume your responsibilities as Muslim parents? The answers to these questions will help you identify areas where you may need to focus attention and strengthen your efforts to improve your relationship to one another and to raising your children. In addition, based on the answers you may decide you need to postpone having more children right now until your home situation is more favorable for additional children. Should you decide to wait, you and your husband need to consider (may be with consultation) the best ways Muslims can practice family planning. (See our Fatwa section for information and details.) This is a joint decision mutually agreed upon so that both of you can enjoy your marital life, sexual intimacy in trust and devotion, and foremost to please Allah. Above all you want Allah to bless your love, your marriage and your home. So seek His Pleasure first.

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May Allah bless you, Dear Sister, for wanting more children, to be a good Muslim wife, and trying to help your husband. By all means try to deal with him with kindness, wisdom and patience. It takes two parents to provide a proper home for children, and they both need to be ready for that responsibility. So be patient, and show him that you are willing to wait and he need not avoid having relations with you. May Allah replace our difficulties with ease, increase love and compassion between husbands and wives, and give stability and permanence to homes where Muslim children are raised.

ones chastity. You and your husband have much to be grateful for in that both of you have this noble quality. Also, as you know, there is no courtship between a man and woman before marriage. So, the period after marriage, the confirmation of the marriage contract, is the time for the new couple to get to know each other. While the two of you are still awaiting the wedding ceremony, this is a time to talk to each other about your thoughts and ideas about life, as well as your hopes and dreams of life together. Since both of you are shy, this period may be a bit awkward for you because you are not familiar with such a situation, and now that you are expected and have permission to express yourself, you find it difficult to do so. That is only natural, and you should not be overly anxious if everything is not going as smoothly as you would like. Know that Allah has richly blessed you and your husband that you may enjoy this time of learning to relate to a member of the opposite sex within the context of marriage. In addition, the fact that your husband is away studying and your contacts are limited to talking by telephone may pose special problems. For example, during the long wait to talk each of you may expect too much from your conversation by telephone. While the result of these contacts may be disappointing to both of you now, they are important during this period of getting to know each other. Since telephone conversation is difficult for you, you may consider occasionally sending a card that has a thought or a reminder of him that you want to share, or a brief note, or a letter of some length about something you wish to discuss or tell him about. These methods of communication give you additional ways to share thoughts and feelings, and may feel more natural to you. These techniques also allow for the gradual flow of conversation to lead to the two of you sharing more sensitive or intimate feelings toward each other, secrets shared only in married life. For now, remember that the two of you have just crossed the blessed threshold of the life permitted for a Muslim man and woman who were

033. Still shy while waiting to consummate her marriage

I am a shy person as well as my fianc. Actually we are married legally (with the consent of our parents of course) but the wedding is scheduled to be performed soon, Insha Allah. My problem is that I cant sweet talk to him. I feel so embarrassed. If he compliments me I cant reply and I feel he doesnt like that. Our contacts are by phone because currently he is busy with his higher education studies. I also have not developed any positive feelings about my fianc since I havent seen much of him during our 3-month engagement period. I feel that I am drawing away from him and thats a big problem. Please help me and advise me what to do. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His blessings and peace upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, We pray that Allah blesses your marriage with a pious servant who worships Him sincerely and who honors and protects his wife and family. You should know that shyness is a highly commendable quality of a Muslim for it is an indication of modesty, being reserved, and desirous of protecting

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previously alien to one another. In your shyness and modesty each may now approach the other, tentatively at first, but with each approach you will find more acceptance, until your relationship will open and blossom into the flower you both will have nourished. We ask Allah to bless your coming together in obedience to Him, that your feet are planted firmly on the right path, and that your marriage be rewarded with lasting happiness and joy.

Dear Sister, We thank Allah for touching your heart and writing to our web site for advice. Indeed, there is much in your situation that is the cause of great distress for you. We pray that Allah will guide you through these troubling times, lead you to repentance, increase your emaan (faith), and draw you nearer to Him. Your situation is quite serious and demands much prayerful consideration to reach a proper Islamic solution. First, according to Islam the marriage of a woman without the consent of her wali (guardian, protector) is not considered to be valid. There are numerous fatawa in our Fatwa section addressing this matter in which hadith and opinions of scholars are cited. In your case, your parents have expressed their disapproval without even knowing about the marriage. If you think there are circumstances peculiar to your situation that makes your marriage valid you are advised to seek clarification immediately through the appropriate Islamic authority, Islamic scholar, Islamic center, Sharia court judge, etc. Based upon the Sharia ruling in your case, we urge you to follow their recommendations regarding your marital status. Second, you stated that you are in your final year of law school. For a woman to choose such a field, to be away from her family (perhaps abroad and without a mahram unmarriageable male), suggests that you may be a strong-willed person who tends to act on her own, regardless of parental opinion or guidance to the contrary. In Islam great care is taken to ensure that the honor, dignity, and chastity of the woman is protected throughout her life time, first within her birth family, and then within the sanctity of her marriage. This is the reason she wears the hijab (Islamic covering for women) outside of her home or when in the presence of alien men or disbelieving women, and why she does not travel without a mahram. Third, fear of parental disapproval and disavowal is a strong deterrent for the respectful child and a motivator for correct behaviour. How much more so is Taqwa (fear of Allah and His punishment) that every Muslim is encouraged to foster in the heart as a protection from Satans inclinations

045. Married without parents approval or knowledge

I am studying my final year of law but experiencing many personal difficulties. I have married a man of my own choice; my parents didnt approve. They didnt know about the marriage but had told me they would disown me. My partner was great at first but lately he accused me of affairs, didnt trust or respect me but had great love for me. My problem is I am torn to pieces thinking about what this is going to do to my parents when they find out. I would rather die than having them disown me forever. My partner is pressuring me to tell everyone; his family already knows! Its honestly killing me; I have become more religious now and its helping a lot. But what can I do? How can I get through my parents disowning me when I find out only to have to turn to my husband who is so controlling and aggressive towards me now? He wasnt like this before. Ive made my bed now I have to lie in it, but I pray everyday for my parents and brothers and sisters to accept me. I love them so much. What do you suggest? How can I be more at peace with myself? Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

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and sin? In Quran and Sunnah we are told first and foremost to fear Allah, and then to be respectful and dutiful to parents so that we clearly recognize those in authority over us first our Creator, and then our parents followed by the rulers, etc. Fourth, repentance to Allah for any disobedience to Him is the beginning of the healing process and straightening our affairs. Sincere repentance demands that we acknowledge our sins, sincerely regret having committed them, vowing never to repeat them, and increase our good deeds that we know are pleasing to Allah. In addition, we advise you to increase your knowledge of Islam, intensify your practice of Islam and surround yourself with pious Muslims. As far as your marriage is concerned, if Islamic authorities rule that it is illegal, you must leave your husband without delay, and repent of having entered into such a relationship. If your marriage is ruled legal, you can seek further advice regarding your marriage, your family, or your situation at that time if you feel it is needed. We pray that Allah will keep us ever on His right path, cause us to repent when we stray, and accept our repentance when we sincerely turn to Him with regret.

Dear Inquirer, If your husband is accusing you of cheating on him without any evidence and based only on suspicion, then he should refrain from this act, and repent to Allah. Unless your husband has stated that he has divorced you your marriage is still valid. You have given little information about your situation, but apparently you and your husband need to strengthen your marriage. In general, increasing ones practice of Islam always helps and increases us in blessings. Therefore, gain more religious knowledge, pray the mandatory prayers and additional prayers, fast as required and additional fasting, read Quran regularly and often, pay zakah, give sadaqa, and increase your good deeds. Also, when talking with your husband mention the name of Allah much for it softens the heart and is a reminder of our need for Him always in our affairs. In addition, you should supplicate Allah for each other, to bring the two of you closer together in your worship and service to Him. Also, avoid back-biting or complaining about each other. As a Muslim woman, you should be attentive to your husband and his needs, always be modest in your dress and appearance when you leave the home, and by all means wear the hijab. Your dress and behavior should be such that your husband would have no doubt about your modesty and know that you are of noble Islamic character. It would also be helpful to have only pious companions, people who are conscientious about practicing Islam so that you will not be led into temptation, and increase your husbands gratitude for having such a pious, faithful companion. We pray that Allah will make us ever faithful in our covenant with Him and in the covenants we have made with others.

050. Has been accused of cheating

My husband says that I have been cheating on him. He does not have any facts that he saw me with anybody; he just has doubt in his heart. Please help me to solve this problem and tell me if my marriage is still valid. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessing upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

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053. Husband wants to abandon his pregnant wife to satisfy his mother
I am currently in America while my husband is in UAE. I am going to have his son in two months, insha Allah. My husband has decided to abandon me to satisfy his mother and sister; they want him to marry a relative and he hasnt faced them with the fact he married me. I gave up everything to obey him and to be with him. I am alone in America and I am without my family because I chose him. Now my husband says to me it is haram for him to be with a woman if his mother doesnt approve of the woman. The reason they do not want me is that I am from Jordan not UAE and I am not his cousin. I dont think he told them he will be having a son soon. My life is so hard. I helped my husband through many trying times and, Al-Hamdulillah, helped him return to the path of Allah and leave his reckless behavior, including a drinking problem. I even allowed him to physically abuse me because in my mind I believed this is what a good woman would do to help her husband in his hard times. I would allow him to beat me when I would plead with him to read Quran, not to drink or act this way. I converted to Islam, Al-Hamdulillah. My most trying time had been that he cheated on me and I have a sexually transmitted disease from him. I did not leave him, but I stayed with him even though he cheated because I didnt want to lose him to Satan, but helped him bring God back into his life. During this time I have not told anyone about this problem and my husband knows I need surgery. Again, he knows that I am here alone because he does not want me there with him for people to see me and him together. Thank Allah my emaan is very strong and I know that Allah will be my guide and He is Great. I know I need help and Allah will help me. Is there guidance in the Holy Quran you can refer me to or any passages I can read to let my husband see that this is wrong? Or, if I am wrong, please tell me. I have made the decision not to tell his family anything about the fact he is my husband or that I have this disease from him or do anything to make his mother upset because she is an old woman. I have only respect

for her even though I have never met her. I made this choice because I do not want my husband to have a difficult time dealing with his family. Is this wrong? Am I supposed to take a stand for the sake of my child? Please respond to my e-mail. If this is not something you feel you can or should respond to, I appreciate you taking the time and reading this. Please let me know if you need more information. May Allahs blessing be upon you. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessing upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, We praise Allah and thank Him for touching your heart and sending you to us in this trying time of your need. We thank Allah for your example of courage, sacrifice, devotion, and determination to stand firmly in Islam and support your husband dutifully with patience, forbearance and love for Allahs sake. May Allah reward you, relieve your suffering, and increase your emaan. We can say this to you freely because your husband has also written to us requesting guidance and has verified the facts as you have stated them here. So he is also seeking help to do what is best for himself and you and his family situation. So we encourage you to continue being steadfast in Islam, supplicating to Allah, read the Quran much, and know that the Help of Allah is always near. Allah reminds us in the Quran that those who passed away before us were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, When (will come) the Help of Allah? Yes! Certainly the Help of Allah is near! (Quran 2:214) And there is no victory except from Allah. Verily, Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise. (8:l0) Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship, ease. (65:7) Allah also Says: Verily, along with every hardship is relief, verily, along with every hardship is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs). (95:5-6)

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So, our dear sister, we advise you to continue trusting in Allah, seeking His Favor, and be ever so patient. Your prayers are being answered in ways that we do not know. May Allah increase us in faith, in Imaan, ease our trials in this world, and admit us to His Paradise in the Hereafter.

072. Husband does not like anything relating to her parents

My husband does not like anything relating to my parents. He has had problems with my mother and they have had misunderstandings. Is it right for him to delete my parents from his life? What are his duties towards my parents? This situation has caused problems within our marriage and my health and I cant endure it anymore. I need to resolve this conflict. Please help me. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions. Dear Sister, we pray that Allah will ease your suffering and increase you in patience until your situation is eased. We also ask Allah to increase your reward for trying to be dutiful to your parents and obedient to your husband for where there is conflict in the family there is also a great trial for its members. Know that Allah has established the rights of each and every family member and for each his duties and responsibilities so that harmony will prevail. Since you did not provide any specific details about the problem between your husband and your parents, we can only provide a generalized response. Surely you have the right to visit your parents and to extend to them every courtesy due to them, and they have a right to visit you in your home and be received with courtesy and respect. However, your parents have no right to interfere in your marriage, to encourage you to deny your husband his rights, or to support you in any matter contrary to Sharia law.

According to Islamic principles matters of conflict between Muslims should be resolved through mutual consultation and with consideration to everyones rights and in a way that is pleasing to Allah. In a word, Muslims are to show kindness and respect to one another if there is a disagreement, especially in family relations. If the parties cannot resolve the matter themselves then it is commendable to seek outside advice or consultation from ones elders, other family members, or persons in authority who may be influential in finding a satisfactory solution. By no means should conflicts extend to point of doing harm to ones health; this is not beneficial to anyone, harms marital relations, and undermines the foundation of family life. By all means discuss this matter frankly and with kindness with your husband and with your parents, informing them of their religious duty to resolve conflicts lovingly and to heal hurt feelings in an Islamic way. Also, it would be helpful when you speak with them to mention Allahs name often for it serves as a reminder for the believers of their duty to Allah and to one another. May Allah bless the peacemakers and those who strive to bring accord where there is discord. We pray that Allah will establish lasting peace and joy to your home, and restore you to good health.

083. Problems with her marriage, her studies, and religion

I am a student who recently married. I have a lovely husband but, I find it difficult to continue caring for him and continuing my education. I have recently become depressed, without friends and a desire to sleep the whole time. I dont attend my classes, or pray at all, or give much attention to my house or husband. I cant seem to feel the presence of deen (religion) in my heart. All I do is feel sorry for myself and sleep and sleep. What should I do? How can I regain my deen as that is what keeps me going? How can I stop sleeping so much?

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Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions. Dear inquiring sister, We thank Allah for sending you to our site for help. Given the nature of your problem it is understandable how you would feel distressed. May Allah bless you and return you to His worship and restrain your heart from straying from His path. Dear sister, we must always remember that Allahs rights over us always have top priority over everything else. He has created men and jinn to worship Him Alone and He has perfected the religion of Islam for us to follow and to be rightly guided until the Day of Judgment when no other religion will be accepted. So we must first dedicate our lives to obey Allah to love what He has legislated and to hate what He has prohibited. (Search our site for details about religious obligations for Muslims.) Next, we are to be dutiful to parents who have rights over us. Then wives are to be dutiful to their husbands. Allah Says: It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her (7:189). Within marriage Allah has specified certain obligations. Allah has Said: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) (4:34). After fulfilling these obligations and if they are able and if there is a necessity women may (with the permission of their husbands) continue their education. (If continuing your education was a stipulation in your marriage contract then your husband must honor it. If it was not, then you should obey him with regards to it.)

When you become busy giving Allah His rights by returning to His worship, prayer, giving your husband his rights as a dutiful wife, and doing good deeds, you will find joy again in your life. Also, become involved with good, pious Muslims who are striving in the Way of Allah, who will help you learn more about Islam and practice the religion. Sleeping is a waste of ones time and avoiding ones responsibilities. As you can see there is no benefit in such a habit. So, get busy. Repent to Allah for your negligence of His rights and get back to positive activities. May Allah help you and us to stay focused upon His worship, and remind us of our duties to Him, and protect us from the temptations of the life of this world.

084. Marital problem

Insha Allah, you can give me Islamic advice about a situation with which I am not coping well. I am 38 and English. Before converting to Islam I had a violent husband which effected my mental health, leaving me quite emotional and insecure. Al hamdulillah, I found Islam, started a new life and remarried. My Muslim husband was a gift from Allah. With Allahs help my husband helped me to learn my religion, which in turn increased my faith and changed my personality to someone calm and patient, although I am still quite insecure and rely on my husband completely. That was 10 years ago, and I can honestly say that we truly have no problems in our marriage; we are the closest of friends. He lives his life by Islam, always trying to do the right thing, and is the kindest person I have ever met. He tells me always that I please him and support him. However, during these 10 years we have not had children. We both have children by previous failed marriages. We have had tests and nothing is wrong, subhan Allah. We have made dua at the best of times Hajj, Umrah, Arafat, Ramadan, night prayer, voluntary fasting, but Allah knows best; we have not had children.

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I know it is Allahs will and I deal with this knowing that if I am patient Allah will give me better. My husband, however, is desperate for more children for a number of reasons: he wants sons or sons-in-law to help him when he is older in strength and in companionship, and also for more children to make dua for him when he is dead. It hurts me to see him upset and we have talked about him remarrying many times over the years. In reality it is not so easy. He has now decided it is time to remarry even though he hates the thought of starting again and coping with another household. He feels he does not want to start getting to know someone again at his age, 41, but his need for children is changing him. He gets upset and angry with himself when he sees others with big families. He says he loves me and wants me (which I believe), but if I want to try and have more children he will give me my rights and divorce me so I can remarry, but he hopes and prefers me to stay with him. My problem is I can not stop crying. I dont want to eat, work, or read. I have not the mind for anything. I try to deal with it and tell myself it is my husbands right from Allah, but I can only believe that I am losing my husband and the pain is too much for me to bear. I know a very nice sister who has wonderful qualities and I believe she would make a good wife and so I found the courage to speak with her about marrying my husband, but her parents would only allow her to marry her family. A few days after this I started hurting and even cried, and asked him not to remarry. I can feel myself as I did all those years ago, mentally and emotionally not well. The thought of losing control again worries me and I fear for my Deen (religion). I always obey my husband and try to please him. Am I very wrong to ask him not to get married, or to ask him to divorce me? The reality is I can not cope with sharing him. Please advise. Please, reply and ask Allah to forgive my weakness. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions.

Dear sister, we thank Allah for sending you to our site for help during this time of distress and testing. All praise is due to Allah Who has so abundantly blessed you and your husband to call you to Islam and to unite you in a wonderful marriage together after previous unhappy unions. From your account of your life before Islam and your life since coming to Islam there is much that touches the heart about the rewards of turning to Allah and relying upon Him for success in this life. This reliance upon Allah Alone is the point that I want to stress throughout this advice to you because it is the key to your (and our) spiritual happiness and lasting peace of mind. This essential principle is one that we (all) sometimes forget or fail to keep in focus as the primary pillar of our deen (religion). You indicate that this might be true in your case when you say, I still feel quite insecure and rely on my husband completely. You rightfully recognize that your husband is a gift from Allah and you give him the honor and respect that is his due. May Allah reward you for being a dutiful wife to your husband.

086. Feels his wifes family ties are drawing her away from Islam
I have rather a long and complicated situation that I need help with and by Allahs will I shall find His help with you. I love Allah and then his prophet more than anyone or anything else. I would sacrifice everything I have including my own happiness in this life. May Allah forgive me if I ever was mistaken and guide me through AI-Siraatt I married a Muslim convert. I thought I could help her advance in Islam and share with me my happiness in Islam. It has been three years since then; on many occasions I was hurt from some of her actions, sayings, and thoughts. Unfortunately, her family is not Muslim; they hate Islam as they hate death itself, if not more. They dont know she is Muslim and they dont know we are married!

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(It was complicated for us marry without a Mahram from her side.) The reason her family not knowing about her Islam and our marriage is that my wife is afraid to lose her family. I thought I should accept her feelings toward her family and I did not declare our marriage to her family. However, everyone around me knows about my marriage; such an awkward situation. She travels and visit her family every two weeks or so. When she goes there, they say bad and horrible things about Islam. My wife does not accept those allegations and keeps quiet. However, when she returns to me, I find her very troubled about Islam and because of that, she was advancing very slowly in Islam. I became frustrated at the end. Recently, she did something that upset me to the highest degree and I cant accept her any more. I stopped talking to her for three days trying to reach a conclusion on my own. At the end of these three days I wrote her a long letter describing to her my frustrations which are many too list here, but they are all about Islam, family, and children related issues. She was already upset that I was not talking and ignoring her for three days, may Allah forgive me if what I did was wrong, but as I said I could not accept her, she replied to me with a very short letter the fourth day telling me that she doesnt want to see me again whether in this life or in the life after. This was the first time in three years for her to talk to me like this. So on the fourth day I came back home (she was there) and I started to pack my stuff to leave for another state (alone) where I have already accepted a job. That night, I came back from the Mosque late at night, and I saw that she ordered my things nicely and made the house look better. So, in my heart I kind of divorced her, but I NEVER told her explicitly that she is divorced or Taliq. When I saw her, she was happy to see me, so I concluded that her letter to me is an emotional one without thinking. However, I was still determined to separate from her. I asked her if she was hungry and I went out and brought some food. We ate together and then we sat to talk about things. I asked her if we are going to stay with each other and she said I dont know; you tell me. Well, I wasnt sure and I told her that. I was very tired that night from all the packing that I

did talk for long and I needed to sleep. So we slept in separate rooms. I had a friend of mine, a brother in Islam, offered me to stay at his place for that night. My wife urged me to stay home, but as I told you, we slept in separate rooms. I woke up early for Fajir prayer and I could not come back to sleep as I usually do, so I left the home very early that day (fifth day). I have sincerely prayed and I asked Allah for help and guidance all the way, I love Allah very much and I believe He loves me too. On the night of the fifth when I came back home, I saw her sitting, very sad and disappointed. When she saw me she started crying very much. I felt so sorry for her. I went to her, hugged her and tried to comfort her. May Allah forgive me if that was a sin, because I had and still have the intentions to leave her. Im her only Muslim friend; she doesnt have anyone to be with and talk to. I felt so sorry for her, and I couldnt stop myself from hugging and even kissing her. I still have feelings for her, but they are so weak because of her decision to keep her relationship with her family. I explained to her the difference between the inner structures of the two of us. I have Allah and then His messenger on top of everything and everyone. She has her relationship with her family, and her feelings for me are the biggest in her heart. I told her that I cannot accept this anymore as her feelings for her family is stopping her from pursuing Islam freely and fairly. I still have the intentions to leave her, and I write to tell her more about Islam and how she can get the ultimate help from Allah (Subahanaho Wa Tala). She is responding positively to my messages and explanation, but Im afraid that she is like that because I am leaving. I really dont know what to do tonight, should I go home or should I leave and sleep somewhere else. If I dont sleep home, then she will be very hurt and lonely with no one to talk to. I wrote her today many emails telling her that she should find Muslim female friends to talk to. I told her that sisterhood in Islam should help her with what she is going through now. May Allah forgive me if I am sinning by talking to her and helping her. Please advise me. Response: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his companions.

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Dear brother, We thank Allah for bringing you to Islam and we pray that He will increase you in sincerity and wisdom in your desire to serve and please Him. We regret that you have had to wait for an answer to your reply; we pray that our advice will help you. Our advice to you, before going into details, is not to divorce your wife, do not separate from her, and if you have left your home, return immediately and try to reconcile with her. By all means protect and comfort your wife and make her know that she was not wrong to convert to Islam, that to become a Muslim does not mean that she will be abandoned in this world to fend for herself alone, unprotected and unloved. To the contrary, when she became a Muslim she became a sister of nearly 1.5 billion Muslims throughout the world and we all care for her as our own sister. Allah has Said (what means) that He has joined us at the heart through Islam, and we are a part of a community of those who submitted their will to His will that extends back to Adam. This community of believers is the Ummah (nation) of Allah and if pain is felt by one of this community we all feel that pain for we are of one body. Dear brother, When you married your wife you knew that she had no Muslim friends and that her family members were not Muslims and detested Islam. In fact, you married her without their knowledge or consent, and you agreed to keep your marriage and your wifes conversion to Islam a secret from them. In other words, you are her only real human contact with Islam. When she tries to keep contact with her family to maintain family and emotional ties, she cannot share either the joy of being a Muslim or of married life with them. In fact, she suffers much humiliation from the people from whom she desires acceptance and respect, if not approval and love. In addition, she has had to repeatedly face that alone without you at her side because of the secrets you chose to conceal from the family; on top of that she has had to come home and face your disapproval of her actions. The situation you describe is very difficult to resolve, but for every problem Allah has promised a solution. So, lets see what can be done.

First of all, you must increase and expand your wifes contacts with Islam beyond just you; she must have other Muslim acquaintances, friends, and people she can learn from and practice the religion. Being a Muslim requires contact with other people, the world; it is not a religion that encourages asceticism (growth through isolation and meditation). Spiritual growth in Islam comes through study, application, struggle and toil. It is your duty to help her develop Islamic social contacts. Take her to Islamic conferences, workshops, acquire study materials and develop discussion groups, etc. As these Islamic dimensions of her life broaden and her knowledge and practice of Islam increases so will her faith (iman), Allah willing. In addition, she may feel less anxious about being rejected by her family or less in need to contact them. As she feels more comfortable and confident as a Muslim, she should be able to tell them about her conversion as a way of inviting them to consider Islam and to see Islam in a way different from their current view. You must remember that a Muslim is not required to give up family ties with non-Muslim family members. In fact, Muslims are commanded to maintain family ties even if the family members are disbelievers, and we are even to obey our disbelieving parents unless they order us to disobey Allah. We may sit and talk with them until they speak mockingly of Islam or other sins, then we are either to correct them or leave their company until they discontinue such behavior. (Please search our fatwa section, articles, advisories, etc. for information and details.) All Muslims who are able (capable) are required to make pilgrimage to Mecca at least once in a lifetime. In addition to fulfilling the command of Allah to do so and the resultant rewards, the experience of Hajj or Umrah increases the pilgrims appreciation for the universality of Islam across the world, the human family of Islam in every nation, color, language, and race. It also increases the desire to obey Allahs command to migrate from the land of disbelief to the land of the believers, especially if one is able to do so. Planning for these acts of worship brings a husband and wife closer together, and performing the sacred rites together deepens their

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relationship in addition to bringing them closer to Allah. Finally, in Islam marriage is one-half of our religion (deen) so we must prepare for it and guard it carefully for marriage is a precious gift from Allah so that man and woman may enjoy one another in love and happiness and prepare for the propagation of Islam through their children. We pray that Allah will bless your marriage with peace, love for each other, and unselfish devotion to Allahs cause.

PART V LETTERS

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My brothers in Islam
ABDUL HALIM LEE, a US citizen residing in Doha, has written the following thought-provoking lines for Muslim brothers behind bars in the United States. Abdul Halim retired in 1995 as the Director of Social Services at Garden State Correctional Facility in New Jersey. His advice could be of benefit to prisoners serving sentences in Qatar. Recently it was announced here that according to an Emiri deed now being implemented, any prisoner or inmate of correction houses will become eligible for a remission of his term if they memorise the Holy Quran As Salaamu Alaikum To all my brothers in Islam behind prison bars, I embrace you. Brothers, Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem We must prepare for death as though we are seeing it with our own eyes. Another day Another hour Another minute May not be promised to us. May Allah forgive us our sins. May Allah purify all of our intentions for His Sake Alone. Our yesterdays are gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. Now (at this moment) We exist by Allahs Mercy. May we fear Allah as He should be feared! He encompasses all things in His Knowledge. He knows the secrets of the hearts. Our destiny is already known to Him. What He has decreed must be! Our destination - Paradise or Hell Is already known to Him.

Now (this moment) Is the time for Purification of belief Gratitude Humility Repentance Obedience Deeds. Death is our constant companion. When Death overtakes us It is our Hour The moment of No Return, No U-Turn No More Chances! Then the GRAVE: Then the questioning! Grief or Relief? Brothers, may we always worship Allah Alone, without associating any partners with Him, seeking His Protection to guard us from sin, His Mercy to forgive us our sins and the consequences of the evil of our deeds. May Allah bless our efforts to remind one another of Him, of His commands, of our duty to Him, and to encourage each other to bear with patience the trials of this world, and to prepare for our meeting with Him in the Hereafter. Ameen! Your brother in-Islam, Abdul Halim

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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Gulf Times September 7, 1999 Dear Sir, The letter of Sandra Burge (Gulf Times, September 6) about the spread of Islam in America has been called to my attention for comment. I had already read with great interest the article to which she was responding about the awakening of Latinos in America to Islam (Weekly Gulf Times, September 2-3, p. 13). After I read Ms Burges letter, I decided that Id read the Latino article again to see if I could discern the source of her obvious irritation with it. To a casual reader, or particularly a Christian American, that article might have elicited a response defensive of ones values and homeland. I think I can understand Ms Burges reaction to it. Today it is easy to consider any comments that might seem critical of America as America bashing. As a Muslim American, I hope to avoid engaging in that kind of behavior. That is not to say that I dont believe America is open for a lot of honest criticism; it certainly is. You see, if you can accept that fact, then maybe you can understand why Islam is the fastest growing religion in America. It needs it! There is no need for me to recount a long list of problems plaguing American society which are all getting worse, many with no solution in sight. Any newspaper, magazine, or visit to a news site reporting on the American scene will provide the story with graphic details in far too many instances. Simply stated, the moral fiber of America has decayed; and its social and religious institutions, cannot fix it no matter how hard they try. America needs Islam! When you read the statements of American reverts to Islam about their struggle to find the truth, you will notice that they have tried those religions that were available to them to build a personal moral system. In America (or any country) where there is a perpetuated separation of church (moral institution) and state, religion is relegated to an inferior role in shaping the

values of the society. The citizens of such countries are left to discover for themselves their relationship with their Creator: their true identity. What American reverts to Islam are saying is we tried what America made available to us, but we found it lacking to meet our needs. What we needed, we found in Islam. Islam provides a total way of life that brings the individual into contact with a social system that affirms the belief and practice of the Oneness of God and the prescriptions He has legislated. In addition, Islam has a documented source of its authenticity: the Quran (the Speech of Allah) and the Sunnah (the teaching and sayings of Prophet Muhammad) (May Allahs blessings and peace be upon him). In addition, the Muslim (one who submits his will to the Will of God) does not have to be anti-West or anti-American; the Muslim is pro-Islam. The Muslim is obedient to the Will of God: he knows Allah is his Creator, Sustainer, and Destination in the Hereafter. How can a religion claim to be the Truth if it does not effectively explain and satisfy the yearnings of the human heart to know the existence of its Creator and the nature of the relationship between them? America needs Islam! Finally, as to the issue of governments having a role in the spread of Islam, the Quran and Sunnah have addressed this matter. Allah has said which means, And I (Allah) created not men except they should worship Me (Alone) (51:56). The Prophet (May Allahs blessings and peace be upon him) said, Every child is born with a true faith (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone) but his parents convert him to Judaism or Christianity or to Magianism, as an animal delivers a perfect baby animal. Do you find it mutilated? (Bukhari 2:467) Allah says what means He chooses to Himself those whom He pleases and guides to Himself those who turn to Him in repentance and in obedience (42:13). And had Allah willed, He could have made you (all) one nation, but He sends astray whom He wills and guides whom He wills. But you shall certainly be called to account for what you used to do (16:93). The world needs Islam!

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Abdul Halim Lee March 3l, 2000 Editor Gulf Times P. O. Box 2888 Doha, Qatar Dear Sir: I am having post-Oscar reflections. Now that the suspense, fascination, hype, etc. of the Hollywood awards is over I am wondering, just what was it all about anyway? What is it about acting, writing, directing, filming and the world of image-making that so captivates and enthralls us? For surely acting by definition is pretending and movie-making is the depicting of the world as fiction, that which is imaginary or not actual. Even the best socalled documentaries are based upon someones point of view. What is it about pretenders and the world of pretense that so appeals to us that we reward the best of the pretenders with such lucrative (or ludicrous) financial gain and high admiration, almost to the point of worship? What is the essential product that they provide which demands such an enormous expenditure of resources, energy and time? These people and their business are part of the entertainment industry that is designed and intended for the purpose of amusing us and diverting our attention. Diverting our attention from what? Perhaps, is it not true, when we are being amused, entertained we are almost in another world, away from this one, forgetful of the reality of our present life, its cares, responsibilities and obligations? More importantly are we not distracted from thinking of this world and its Creator, the meaning and definition He has given to it as revealed through His Messengers and in scripture? This world is the real world, the one that counts; the one in which we shall be held accountable for our actions and intentions. Unlike the playwrights and scriptwriters of fantasyland, the Creator has offered each of us a part to play in His world and has informed us of the reward we can expect for how sincerely we play that part. The Creator has made clear that pretense and delusions of

this reality will count for nothing on the Day of Judgment when the final awards will be made: He has prepared the Hell-fire as entertainment for those who disobey Him and the Paradise as an entertainment for those who obey Him (Quran 18:102, 107). The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was permitted to see the Paradise and the Hell-fire and warned his followers that if they knew what he knew they would laugh little and cry much (Bukhari). Should we not then take heed? Abdul Halim Lee P. O. Box 5616 Doha, Qatar

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P. O. Box 5616 Doha, Qatar February 28, 2003 President Fidel Castro Republic of Cuba Havana, Cuba Dear President Castro, I hope that you are well, enjoying good health, and have peace of mind. I must confess that I am writing to you with some reluctance and hesitation. I have been praying to Allah to guide you to Islam. I have mentioned this to my wife on several occasions and each time she has said, Why dont you write him and invite him to Islam? I started a letter to you some time ago, but did not finish it. However, this morning while having my breakfast I thought again of you and this matter and thoughts just seemed to fill my mind about what I wanted to say to you. Mr. President, I apologize for not writing to you in your beloved Spanish, but English is the only language I know. In fact, I know very little Arabic, the language of our religion, Islam. May Allah forgive me for my ignorance. Mr. President, I suppose another reason for my writing to you at this time is that I am now 71 years old and you are even older. What we must say, we must say now while there is yet time. I dont mind telling you that I am an African-American and didnt come to Islam until I was 61 years old after many years of searching for a true religion to embrace, and I tried many in addition to several political ideologies. I grew up in America during World War II, served in the military during the Korean War, witnessed and participated in the civil rights and human rights struggles of my time. Mr. President, of all the worlds leaders of the twentieth century, in my opinion you stand head and shoulders over most in terms of personal integrity, conviction, and loyalty to your principles of justice. The record shows that you are a champion for the common man in his aspirations to be freed from the bondage of oppression and to rise to his highest potential.

From what I have read about your concerns for the future, high among them is the future of your beloved revolution that has guided your life and the Cuban nation. I suppose we all wonder about the legacy we will leave when we depart this world. And perhaps, that is the point of urgency in my writing to you at this time. Mr. President, political ideology alone cannot satisfy the longing of the human being; it is too limited and subject to manipulation with the passage of time, as well as other shortcomings. Also, the human being must worship his creator in some way which guides him to his highest aspirations - yes, even beyond death itself, which you must have faced many times. On the other hand, Mr. President, I know that the wise leader must protect his people from those who propagate religion for suppression and exploitation. Mr. President, I know that you have been in the company of leaders of Muslim countries who profess Islam, but I ask you not to judge this great religion by those who may be among its poorest examples. You, Mr. President, have been and remain a warrior for truth, as you perceive it. You know what it means to stand alone, often isolated from the rest of the world because of your stand for an ideal. Mr. President, there was a leader who stood alone, a solitary figure, in the midst of his people calling them to acknowledge their destiny of meeting their Creator and the path they should follow before meeting Him. The message he brought and the methods he chose in the delivery of that message changed civilization of his time and the world forever. Mr. President, I refer to none other than the last prophet of God, Prophet Muhammad, may Allahs peace and blessing be upon him. Mr. President, there can be no higher mission than to proclaim the oneness of God (Allah), to call others to it and to stand firm on the principles of His justice. This has been the task of Allahs prophets and messengers since time immemorial, and the rightful duty of all who worship Him. Mr. President, I invite you to Islam and ask you to proclaim it to the people of Cuba. In Islam is the logical end of all revolutions for those

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who truly believe in the liberation of man from his lowest desires in order that he may attain his highest aspirations. And finally, Mr. President, Allah has promised that on the Day of Judgment, the believers will achieve the success of seeing His Face. Mr. President, you have attained a lofty place among the worlds leaders of your time. I ask you now to consider your place in the Hereafter. With respect and gratitude to you for considering this simple message, Abdul Halim Lee (This letter was hand-delivered to the Cuban embassy in Doha, Qatar)

Curriculum Vitae of ABDUL HALIM LEE

E-mail : abdulhalim931@yahoo.com Nationality: American Language: English Date of Birth: 1931 Birthplace: USA Current Status [Jan, 2010]: Retired Muslim American lived in Kuwait since Jun., 2009 Visited Malaysia from Sept. 22, 2005 to Dec. 22, 2005 Lived in Doha, Qatar from Feb. 1998 to Sept. 2005 Worked as English language consultant, editor, writer at Islamweb.net (English Language Department) [Dec. 1999 Aug. 2003, Dec. 2003 July 30, 2005] Edited fatawah and articles for publication Principle advisor/counselor for the Advisory Service (English Department) Wrote articles on Islamic issues Education: Master of Social Work (M. S. W.), University of Pennsylvania (l966) Bachelor of Arts, (A. B.), Morgan State University (l956) Doctoral Study, Criminal Justice\Criminology, 36 credits, University of Maryland (l978) Philosophy, Johns Hopkins University (l959) Christian Ethics, Yale Divinity School (l957) Professional Experience (1961-1995): Social Work: Administrator, consultant, caseworker, field faculty, trainer Criminal Justice: Researcher, administrator, college teacher, trainer

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 Private Sector: Project manager, consultant Countries Visited: Saudi Arabia (Hajj), Malaysia, Yemen, Qatar, The Gambia, Sudan, Senegal, United Arab Emirates, Canada, Mexico, Guam, St. Maarten, Puerto Rico

Islamic Studies (certificates): (In Doha conducted by Abdur-Rauf Shakir, Graduate, Islamic University, al-Madinah An Nabaweeyah) Islamic Creed Explanation of Essay of Imam Ahmed Ibn Hanbal Usool As Sunnah (Foundations of the Sunnah), (12 weeks), July 1998-Oct. 1998 Fiqh Al-Hadeeth Explanation of chapter on purification from Tayseer al-Allam (Sharh Umdat al-Ahkaam) by Sh. Abdullah ibn Abdur-Rahman ibn Saalih Aal Bassam, (14 weeks) Dec. 1998March 1999. Fiqh Al-Hadeeth Explanation on chapters on prayer from the text above by Sh. A. Aal Bassaam (45 weeks) May, 1999-June 2000. Islamic Creed Explanation of al-Aqeedah at-Tahaaweeyah by al-Imaam Abu Jafar Ahmad ibn Muhammad at-Tahaawee (39 weeks) Jan. 1999-Jan. 2000 Islamic Creed Explanation of Radiance of Faith by al-Imaam Abu Muhammad Abdullah ibn Ahmad ibn Muhammad ibn Qudaamah (33 weeks) Jan. 2000-Nov. 2000. Mustalah al-Hadeeth Explanation of An Introduction to the Science of Hadith by Sh. Suhaib Hasan Abdul-Ghaffaar (20 weeks) June 2000-Jan. 2001.

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(Translation)
CERTIFICATE OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND APPRECIATION We, at Islamweb, in the Ministry of Endowments and Islamic Affairs, would like to express our gratitude to the Honorable Abdul Halim lee, who worked in the Department of Languages for his sincere and dedicated efforts throughout his tenure there from 1/11/1999 to 31/7/2003. We wish him success and prosperity in his continued working life and his future. Fahad Sulayman Al-Hajri Executive Manager of Islamweb 30/7/2003

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