MY BEACON-LIGHT GUIDING CONCEPTS, VALUES (PERSONALIZED PRINCIPLES) AND SKILLS

1. Mindfulness (The Only Great Hope): Paying attention to the present moment (moment to moment), on purpose, non-judgmentally. 2. Statei-Consciousness a. Directly of conscious perceptions (SIFT: sensations, images, feelings, and thoughts) and behaviours/actions; and b. Indirectly of unconscious perceptions (SIFT: sensations, images, feelings, thoughts) & behaviours/actions & learning for future as follows: i. of the inner impulses & inner urges, by catching them as they arise, and ii. of the actual behaviours/actions, through mindfulness reflection 3. What You Must Self-Manage (John Maxwell) a. Stateii: Internal Representations (VAK); Physiology & Syntax b. Emotions c. Time d. Priorities (80%+15%+5%) e. Energy f. Thinking g. Words h. Personal (private) Life 4. Two Abilities Necessary for Success in Life (Brain at Work) a. Ability to observe own mental processes (thinking, feeling, perceiving, experiencing emotions) b. Ability to reframe/re-contextualize/reinterpret/reattribute & create paradigm shift 5. Three Skills to Stay Cool Under Pressure (Brain at Work) a. Labelling (Self-Awareness) b. Reframing / Paradigm Shift (Self-Management) c. Managing Own Expectations (Self-Management) 6. Clarity of Thoughts, Feelings, Emotions and Behaviours (Actions): a. By managing the CONSTANT SUB-VOCAL CHATTER generated by the internal force, eternally conspiring to diminish you: distracting attention and creating dragging conflicts b. OUR MULTIPLE SELVES: both warring/conflicting and the complementing selves 7. Five a. b. c. d. e. Stages of Thought: Hajis: Passing Thought Khatir: Persisting Thought Hadith-al-Nafs: Sub Vocal Self-Talk Ham: Preoccupying thought Azm: Decision to act

8. Brain (thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, perceptions) intensifying pains (real as well as imaginary) 9. Emotions: Choices (Brain at Work) a. Before Emotion Arises i. Situation Selection ii. Situation Modification iii. Attention Deployment b. After Emotion Kicks In Page | 1

i. Expression of emotion ii. Expressive Suppression iii. Cognitive Change (Labeling & Reframing) 10. Reframing-Four Types a. Reinterpreting: Situations/Events and Personalities (to understand all is to forgive all) b. Normalizing c. Reordering: Information / Beliefs / Values d. Repositioning: 1st, 2nd & 3rd Positions 11.Mindsight Tripod: Openness (Acceptance); Objectivity (Discernment); Observation (Mindfulness/Dissociated Meta-Awareness) 12.Three Motivational Practices/Key Character Traits to Develop (From: Parenting Without Stress) a. Positivity b. Choice (APC; Teaching) c. Reflection (Asking) 13.Discipline & Learning System: Raise Responsibility System a. Teaching Hierarchy of Social Development (A, B, C, D) Asking b. Eliciting (Guided Choice) b.

14.Promoting Responsibility by Impulse Management Procedure: RedStop (Gasp a Long & Deep Breath), Yellow-Pause (Think of Options), Green-Go (with the Best Choice) 15. Social Interactions (WARNING): Integrated (Differentiation & Linkage) a. Differentiate between your own self & others (thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, images, perceptions, actions) b. Discern the linkage / relationship & situational content/context c. Care with words, gestures and behaviours (actions) 16.For Every Human Interaction: a. The DISTRIBUTIVE PIE has two parts: CONTENT/TASK & RELATIONSHIP/RAPPORT (the more one part takes/consumes, the other becomes smaller/weak) b. Go to every episode with clarity: Open Agenda or Set Agenda or a mix of both,; if latter (i.e. Set Agenda or a mix of both, keep on bringing attention back again and again on set agenda (William James Wandering Attention & Education par Excellence) 17. External vs. Internal Weather

18.Discernment: I am not my emotions, feelings, thoughts and perceptions. I am much more than even all these combined: Iqbal on Man (when attracted by external universe vs. when threatened, finding a much vaster & more satisfying inner universe) 19. Stateiii: Internal Representations, Syntax, Physiology (the three leverage points/handles to change state) 20.Bad (threat; over-aroused/domineering Checker): a. Bad is more natural, stronger, and longer-lasting than good (Sharp Dive & Flat Line Bad and Transitory Good Diagram) {Cure: TIG (Take In the Good)} Page | 2

b. Set Point/Level of Happiness (Goleman-Social Intelligence) OR Baseline of Arousal, Happiness and Traits c. Attention automatically goes to the bad/negative (Autopilot) d. Dialogue Relationship with Naturally Sensitive or OverAroused Checker/Self-Survival-Centred Radar (vs. Social World) 21. Two Brain Circuitries a. Mindful: Direct Experience (Experiential / Sensations) b. Natural/Default: Narrative/Autobiographical (Autopilot/Perceptions) 22.Accepting everything as it is (as the Starting Point): Nothing Needs to Change 23.Life Owes Nothing to You: You are the one required to work on life (eternal struggle Kabudd: Mushaqqat) 24.Invisibility: You have to be strong enough to be weak 25. Impulse management (Stop, Pause, Go)

26.Levels of Social Development (ABCD): Anarchy, Bullying/Bossing, Cooperation/Collaboration, Democracy (Respect, Pluralism, Live & Let Live) 27.Communion with Allah on an altogether different (the highest plane) plane 28. SCARF (Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, Fairness) Sensitivity 29. Attribution Style: a. Locus of Control: Internal vs. External b. Consistency / Distinctiveness: General (Global) vs. Specific (Contextual/Situational) c. Stability: Fixed (Permanent) or Variable (Transient) 30. Behavioural Approach to Personality Change vs. SCAN (Social, Cognitive & Affective Neuroscience): a. Etiquettes b. Behavioural/Integrative Neuroscience 31. Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern

32.Neuroplasticity & Epigenetics: SNAG (Stimulate Neural Activation and Growth) 33. Chunking Up and Down: Brains capacity to process information/data 34.COAL - The Heart of Secure Relationships (with Self and Others): Curiosity, Openness, Acceptance, Love 35. Motivation: Major Paradigms a. Equity b. Expectancy c. Reinforcement (Reward & Punishment) b. Maslows Hierarchy of Needs (as modified by David Rock)

Page | 3

36.FACES flow of integrated (Dynamic, Non-Linear, Complex) Systems: Flexible, Adaptable, Coherent, Energised, Stable 37. 38. 39. a. b. c. 40. 41. Triangle of Well-Being: Brain-Mind-Relationships Mindfulness and Mindsight 360 Degree Leader: Three Punjabi Maxims Parai janj wich ahmaq nachay Jeri maasi bohti maan bun di aey, oh phawa kutni hundi aey Pathay eee khanay hain Silence and listening Always Humour

42.Your Stateiv is always impacting the quality of thinking, feeling, words sensations and acting. Be mindfully aware: label; give weightage to them accordingly (HV or LV); and reframe if possible.

Page | 4

In nutshell, our states are created by two components: (1) Internal representations: What and how we picture in our mind (V). What we hear and what we say to ourselves in our mind (A). How we remember Touch/Feel (K), Smell (O) and Taste (G) (2) Physiology: posture, biochemistry, breathing, muscular tension/relaxation.

Internal representation and physiology work together in a cybernetic loop. Anything that affects one will automatically affect the other. So changing states involves changing internal representation and changing physiology. Since we dont know how things really are, but only how we represent them to ourselves, why not represent them in a way that empowers ourselves and others, rather than creating limitations. The key to doing this successfully is empowering states for an individual. In any experience, you have many things you can focus on (ATTENTION). Even the most successful person can think of what isnt working and go into a state of depression of frustration or anger---or he can focus on all the things that work in his life. No matter how terrible a situation is, you can represent it in a way that empowers you.
ii

memory

management--- the forming of representations that consistently create the most

Ibid.
Ibid. Ibid.

iii

iv