“God’s Marriage Blueprint”

Reworked from Covenant Marriage Sunday 021603 – preached 020308 am

Genesis 2:18-25
INTRODUCTION
A despondent woman was walking along the beach when she saw a bottle on the sand.
She picked it up and pulled out the cork. Whoosh! A big puff of smoke appeared.
"You have released me from my prison," the genie told her. "To show my thanks, I grant
you three wishes. But take care, for with each wish, your mate will receive double of
whatever you request."
"Why?" the woman asked. "That bum left me for another woman."
"That is how it is written," replied the genie.
The woman shrugged and then asked for a million dollars. There was a flash of light, and
a million dollars appeared at her feet. At the same instant, in a far-off place, her wayward
husband looked down to see twice that amount at his feet.
"And your second wish?"
"Genie, I want the world's most expensive diamond necklace." Another flash of light, and
the woman was holding the precious treasure. And, in that distant place, her husband was
looking for a gem broker to buy his latest bonanza.
"Genie, is it really true that my husband has two million dollars and more jewels that I do,
and that he gets double of whatever I wish for?"
The genie said it was indeed true.
"Okay, genie, I'm ready for my last wish," the woman said. "Scare me half to death."
Rev. Lowell's Treasury of Humor: He Who Laughs, Lasts - Bardon Data Systems (510) 526-8470

On February 16, 2003, we held our very first Covenant Marriage Sunday. Several of our
married couples renewed their vows of commitment to their spouses and their marriage. I
remember that very special day when we focused on God’s purpose and plan for marriage.
Five years later, a lot has changed. Some that were here are now gone. Some have died,
some have moved away; and even a few have gone through the heart-rending experience
of divorce.
On the other hand, some have found new love, true love, and hopeful love. Some are
newly married, others have re-married, and some are looking forward to marriage with
anticipation.
But as wonderful as marriage may seem to those caught up in the romanticism, there is
always that specter – that shadowy figure called ‘Failure’ lurking in the background.
And no wonder.
We have seen marriages we thought would last forever, end up in twisted ruins because
of repeated collisions of people unwilling to compromise and unwilling to love.
We have seen others fail because of the slow slide of the ‘marital drift’ when giving up
became an easier choice than making the effort to love. Like the rusting of an
automobile, the marriage disintegrated slowly, until it just would not go anymore.
Did you know that each day nearly 13,500 people in America don the dress and the tuxedo
and commit to each other in a marriage union? Did you also know that about 2/3 of that
same number walk into the courthouse to file papers breaking that vow?
Statistics show that more than half of all marriages end in divorce. Worse yet is the dismal
prediction that sixty-five percent of all new marriages will end in divorce.
No wonder so many people think marriage is broken and not worth doing. No wonder
marriage is under attack by the liberals in society. No wonder marriage has lost value,
honor, and is not sacred, as it once was.
The big question is… Why do so many marriages fail?
One study concludes, “Not all marriages fail for the same reason. Nor is there usually one
reason for the breakdown of a particular marriage. Nevertheless, we hear some reasons
more often than others.”

They are: Poor communication, financial problems, a lack of commitment to the marriage
a dramatic change in priorities, and infidelity.
There are other causes that are not reported quite as often such as: Failed expectations or
unmet needs, addictions and substance abuse, physical, sexual or emotional abuse, and a
lack of conflict resolution skills.
We could name a dozen or more reasons why marriage is failing as an institution – but the
heart of marriage failure is not institutional; it is relational.
MARRIAGES ARE FAILING ONE RELATIONSHIP AT A TIME – ONE COUPLE AT A
TIME.
Marriages fail because people fail - they fail to love, to honor, and to cherish, through
sickness and health, through poverty and prosperity, through the good and the bad. They
fail because people do not commit to the effort required for having a good marriage. They
fail because people are selfish.
Ultimately, marriages fail because people do not build their lives on the foundation of God,
His Word, and His plan. Instead, they build it on romanticism, unrealistic expectations,
impractical ideas, and the irrational advice of the worldly wise. No wonder they crumble!
But Jesus warned us that the only reliable foundation for life, including marriage, is but
Him and His words. He said in Matthew 7:24-27 – “Therefore whosoever heareth these
sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house
upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat
upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened
unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the
floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the
fall of it.”
A marriage built or maintained on any foundation other than the Word of Jesus Christ, is
doomed to failure. The probability is that either it will end, in the fiery crash of divorce, or
it will be consigned to the rust heap of a practical living arrangement, held together by
financial needs and habit.
It happens all the time. It starts out so good, but ends up so bad!
She goes to bed on her wedding night with a knight in shining armor; but wakes ten years
later with Mr. Unsympathetic, Mr. Cranky, Mr. Lazy, Mr. Preoccupied, Mr.
Uncompromising, or Mr. Workaholic.
He goes to bed with a submissive, doting, romantic maiden; but wakes fifteen years later
with Mrs. Cold Shoulder, Mrs. Demanding, Mrs. Nagging, Mrs. Critical, or Mrs.
Spendalot.
Both thought marriage would be perfect, the fulfillment of all of their longings. But reality
came in the grind of everyday life. And without the solid foundation of God’s Word, their
commitment to each other was crushed to powder.
I’m reminded of Garrison Kellior’s Lake Wobegon. The main character, John Tollefson,
leaves Minnesota, moves to New York, and makes a life for himself far from Lake
Wobegon. One day, John calls home and tells his parents about something his girlfriend
had said. A pearl of wisdom, if we would have it…
"There's no such thing as a successful marriage. There are marriages that give up, and
marriages that keep on trying; that's the only difference." - Citation: Garrison Keillor, Wobegon Boy (Penguin USA, 1998), p. 142;
submitted by Rubel Shelly; Nashville, Tennessee

A good marriage doesn’t ‘just happen’. It begins with realistic expectations and an
understanding of what makes a good marriage. It begins with building on the Word of God
and maintaining the structure on that same Word.
Right now, we must rid ourselves of fairytale expectations, and build instead on God’s
foundation. That foundation is this book – the Bible – the Word of God. And if we look to
it with prayerful expectation, and live according to its teachings, we can have a lasting,
thriving marriage.
______________
This month I hope to share some things from God’s Word that will help you build your
marriage; and believe me, that is important for all of us. Everyone here has a stake in
marriage succeeding, because we are all invested in it.
If you are married, you have a stake in it. If you are not, it still matters to you because you
may have a friend, a co-worker, or a family member with a troubled marriage – maybe
even ready to divorce. Worse yet, your parents may be ready to throw in the towel.
We want to help. Tell your friends, your family, your parents, and your co-workers. Tell
them to come and invest in their marriage this month. And you be here too, prepared to
listen, take notes, ask questions, and apply what you learn to your life,

Throughout this month, we will be offering suggestions and resources to help you build a
godly marriage. Utilize these resources, and most importantly, seek the help and counsel if
you need it.

So, let us begin today by going back to the beginning. Turn in your Bibles with me to
Genesis chapter 2:18-24 as we see God’s Marriage Blueprint.
“And the LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an
help meet for him.
And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of
the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever
Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the
field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one
of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had
taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is
now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was
taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and
they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not
ashamed.
In the narration of the very first wedding ceremony, God pronounced the man and the
woman to be one. Listen, this is also God’s Commitment Plan for your marriage.
There are some who would ask, “But didn’t God sanction divorce in the Mosaic Law?”
Yes, He did. And on the surface, it seems like a terrible contradiction. In fact, it seemed
rather easy for a man to rid himself of a wife. Deuteronomy 24:1 says, “When a man hath
taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes,
because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of
divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.”
Throughout the centuries, Israelite men used this command to justify easy divorce. But the
command was never meant to be used in that way. The Law did make allowance for
divorce. But it was for the woman’s protection, not the man’s convenience.
We know this is true for two reasons:
First, because God allowed the woman that had been divorced to remarry without the
shame and the penalty of adultery. Verse 2 says, “And when she is departed out of his
house, she may go and be another man's wife.”
Second, in this culture women were often regarded as slightly more than property, and
God knew that the Jewish men would be hard-hearted and cruel, willing to do anything to
rid themselves of an unfavorable wife. To make the allowance for divorce was to protect
the woman from physical abuse and maybe even death. The bill of divorcement set her
free to remarry, and in a culture in which a woman could not survive without a man, this
was essential.
With the bill of divorcement in hand, she was free from liability, and another man could
marry her without any penalty. The bill was for HER protection.
To assume that this was God’s way of endorsing divorce or catering to men’s whims, is a
gross misunderstanding of the Almighty and His design for our relationships.
Jesus destroyed the notion of easy divorce when He was confronted by the religious
leaders who were abusing the Law for such means. Notice the exchange between them
recorded in Mark 10:1-12 – “And he arose from thence, and cometh into the coasts of
Judaea by the farther side of Jordan: and the people resort unto him again; and, as he was
wont, he taught them again.”
“And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to put away his
wife’? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, ‘What did Moses command
you’? And they said, ‘Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away’.”
“And Jesus answered and said unto them, ‘For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this
precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this
cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall
be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath
joined together, let not man put asunder’.”
And in the house, his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto
them, ‘Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against
her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she
committeth adultery’.”
Yes, God made provision for divorce, but it was because the men of Israel had hard hearts,
and there needed to be a provision of protection for the women. However, Jesus makes it
clear that God’s blueprint for marriage is based on lifelong commitment of practical care
and love for each other. And with that, we have a good foundation for building a great
marriage!
Walter Wangerin Jr. writes, “… the fact that a spouse is termed a "helper" declares
marriage was never an end in itself, but a preparation. We've accomplished no great thing,
yet, in getting married. We haven’t completed a relationship (though many a fool assumes
that the hard work's done with the wedding and turns attention to other interests). Rather,
we've established the terms by which we now will go to work.
And ‘going to work’ means we start with this realistic, practical foundation of commitment
and begin day-by-day to build a loving home. How do we do it?
The answer is in the Genesis text. Here we see three principles God gives for a good
marriage.
Principle #1 – Marriage Creates a New Primary Affection – Verse 24 “Therefore shall
a man leave his father and his mother,” Many marriages suffer because one or both people
have not given their spouse their primary affection and allegiance. Rather than working
through decisions and difficulties with each other, the resort to mom and dad. But when we
marry, we enter a new relationship that God intends to be the primary connection in our
lives. We must commit to a new emotional bond that takes priority over every other human
relationship. Your spouse must take priority over your mom & dad, your brothers & sisters,
your co-workers, and your shopping companions or ball-buddies.

Notice God uses the word, “leave”. In the original Hebrew language, the word is AZAB,
meaning “to loosen, relinquish, forsake. The idea is not so much that of a physical
departure as an emotional one. It’s cutting loose dependence from parents and others and
connecting with your spouse for fulfillment of the needs that God created marriage to
fulfill.
When a man marries a woman, she must become his top relationship priority – not mom
and dad – but his wife. Likewise, the wife must look to her husband for answers, and when
there are difficulties, they must first look to each other, not their parents. This critical
transfer must take place. Your spouse’s emotional and physical needs must come before
the rest of your family.
Principle #2 – Marriage Creates a New Personal Union - Verse 24 – “…and shall
cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
God has ordained that the marriage union be emotional, spiritual, and physical. The
marriage bed creates that intimate physical union that God says is Oneness. This is why
sexual sin is so heinous. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians that when a man has relations with a
harlot, he becomes one with her.
It is that sexual union that he speaks of, that is supposed to be reserved for your spouse,
and no other. God expects fidelity in marriage. We need to beware of adultery. And
adultery can happen in various ways. There is, of course the obvious – physical adultery.
But there is also emotional adultery, in which a person shares marital emotional intimacy
with someone other than his or her spouse.
There is that form of adultery that Jesus spoke of, when a man looks upon a woman with
lust, thus committing mental adultery. It can be a woman walking by, or a picture from a
book or an internet screen.
God wants every married man and woman to preserve and protect their marriage union
from intrusion by any form of sexual sin.
But as important as this union and unity is, it is not the only way in which the two become
one. There is also the uniting of resources. When two marry, each gives themselves and all
that belongs to them to the other person to share.
I strongly believe that God intends two people that marry to unite in every way, including
finances. The marriage union is one of partnership and trust; and two become one in every
way. I believe that a couple should combine their finances and manage them together. I
have seen situations in which there are separate incomes, separate checking accounts, and
separate bill paying responsibilities, and you know what… it only promotes disunity,
jealousy, and suspicion.
God created marriage to be a uniting of two people. They unite physically and produce
new life. They unite materially to sustain life.
Two become one. Your spouse becomes an integral part of you. Together you make a
whole. This is the intent of God in the marriage union.
The Hebrew word used to describe this union refers to a permanent relationship. The word
“cling” is the Hebrew word “dabaq”, which means to “hold fast”. It’s the same word
Moses used in Deut. 11:22 when he commanded the people to cleave unto the Lord.
Notice now the last part of verse 24. Its says “they shall be one flesh” – this phrase
literally means “they shall be united person”. When two people marry they become one in
their identity, and yet they keep their individuality.
But understand this today, the bond between husband and wife is not complete without the
presence of God in the union. If you want a great marriage, God must to be central in your
lives. You must be in union with the Lord Jesus Christ.
Catherine Paxton likens a good marriage to braided hair. “A braid appears to contain only
two strands of hair. But it is impossible to create a braid with only two strands. If the two
could be put together at all, they would quickly unravel. Herein lays the mystery: What
looks like two strands require a third. The third strand, though not immediately evident,
keeps the strands tightly woven. In a Christian marriage, God's presence, like the third
strand in a braid, holds a husband and wife together.
God created marriage to be a union of three – the man and the woman, united as one, in a
relationship with him. How important is this concept? It is crucial, because no husband
and no wife can ever fill the place in the heart that God created for himself.
Principle #3 – Marriage Creates a New Partnered Submission – Verse 25 – “And they
were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
Fred Lowery, in Covenant Marriage, writes that marriage is… “…the singularly
spectacular gift of giving yourself totally to another person. ...Each individual surrenders
completely in loving trust to the other person. Two become one. Both spouses sacrifice
their own desires in order to fulfill the desires of their mate…
When you are (married) you have to talk when you don’t want to talk, listen when you
don’t want to listen, love when you don’t want to love, even stay when you want to leave.
The price is high – but that’s the cost… and the return on the investment is well worth it.”
I believe that part of God’s plan for marriage (and kid’s for that matter) is to rid us of
selfishness. I remember when Tonyia and I were first married, I struggled with this. The
stuff I had was mine, and it was hard for me to share. It was hard to submit my income to
the good of the marriage. It was equally hard to submit my free time to the interest of the
union. But marriage teaches you to submit to each other.
Now, I know we men love to hear Ephesians 5:22, which says, “Wives, submit yourselves
unto your husbands…” But easily overlook the previous verse (21) which says,
“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”
God created marriage as a partnership in which each person must become vulnerable to
each other. Notice that both Adam and Eve were naked – yet they were not ashamed.
Isn’t it interesting that the first couple is not preoccupied with judging each other’s
appearance? They are naked, but unashamed. They are at perfect ease and comfort in each
other’s presence. There is no self-protection, only openness. They have given themselves
to one another in perfect love. This is the picture-perfect marriage.
CONCLUSION
I have a question for you… How many of you carried your wife over the threshold on your
honeymoon? Why did you do that? Tradition, right? Do you know where that came
from? Blame the Romans… they believed that good and evil spirits fought for control at a
home's entrance. For good to prevail, Romans felt you must enter a room with your right
foot first. Romans concluded that a new bride in a highly emotional state might be careless
and forget about the "right foot" stuff. To prevent possible tragedy, they decided it best for
the groom to carry his bride. - * Marriage Partnership, Spring 1992, p. 84
Listen men, I realize that the Romans were practicing a pagan ritual, but there is a kernel
of truth to be had. Satan, the Bible says, walks about like a roaring lion, looking to devour
us. There is no doubt he wants to destroy the church. But how to do that?
One sure way to destroy a church… destroy the families that make up the church. How to
do that? Destroy the mom and dad – the married couple that head the family. Bingo!
Destroy a marriage, and destroy the church – Christ’s very Bride!
Yes, Satan does stand at the threshold of our homes, waiting to attack and destroy our
marriages. That is why we must build our lives and our marriages on the Rock – Jesus
Christ; and that begins with both partners having a personal relationship with Him. Do you
have that?
Stick with us this month and we will give you some tools to improve and protect your
marriage. May God bless – see you tonight!