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One thing is happily clear: Women are not about to take the waning of sex lying down!

They're inventing all kinds of ways to keep the good times (and good feelings) rolling. Just take a look at the 20 great ideas below. It must be that we've gotten tired of being "tired." We want -- oh yes -- a little fun. Enjoy. 1. Pretend you just met him "When our sex life started to slow down, I started thinking about how another woman would see my husband if she just met him -- and this made me want to impress him. I did things like buying new lingerie, getting up just a little earlier than usual to join him in the shower or making time to play later in the tub. We totally rediscovered each other's sexiness after that." 2. Tease each other "Sometimes, when my husband and I wake up and hear the kids, we start kissing and caressing anyway. Of course we don't continue, but we get all worked up and then go all day stealing little looks and kisses. Sure, we could duck away and end the torture, but I think that secretly, we both enjoy this little dance. It definitely keeps things exciting!" 3. Act on your moods "My problem was that even if I was in the mood when my husband was at work, by the time he got home I'd be too exhausted. It started to get so frustrating! Then, I figured out a plan. Every time I get in the mood during the middle of the day, I put a blindfold or something suggestive under his pillow. Even though I may be too tired to initiate sex later, he finds my little clue and definitely gets the message." 4. Get high-tech "I've started emailing my husband sexy fantasy scenarios on his personal email account. This really helps me to get brave. Because sometimes, I just feel silly showing him my sexual side when we're face-to- face. Plus, getting his mind going like that has certainly has paid off." 5. Rent an "adult" video "There are so many helpful sex videos available that are not intimidating at all. The one I like is narrated by a sex therapist; it's instructional in nature. You learn how to effectively stimulate someone, but on a really nonthreatening level." 6. Take real life and shove it "My husband and I were always too busy for love. Finally, one night we were getting serious about fooling around and what happened? The phone rang! Even though he picked it up, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and kept right on kissing him, all over. I loved that power, and he went wild too -- when he finally got off the phone." 7. Be at each other's mercy "Once I whispered in my significant other's ear to take hold of my hand. Then I told him I was going to close my eyes and he had to place my hand anywhere on his body. Then I massaged whatever area it was. He was kind of in control, but ultimately I controlled the pleasure." 8. Surprise him -- and yourself! "I flashed my husband when he got home from work last night. Enough said, right?" 9. Heat up the outdoors "We like to pack a picnic and head to our favorite secluded spot. Sometimes we even get to go skinny dipping there. When you try it don't forget a blanket or sleeping bag, pillows and bug spray because you're sure in for a long night! Of course, city dwellers can picnic too. Just create a hideaway spot on your bedroom floor!" 10. Be aggressive "Telling my husband what to do in bed is very erotic. Although I wouldn't want a puppy dog for a husband all the time, it is so much fun to say what I want, when and how. Then there is seeing his response! He might get even more turned on than me." 11. Share (racy) compliments "Once my husband and I were going to fool around in front of a mirror. He stood behind me and slowly undressed me. But as he moved along he told me how beautiful each part of my body is. Let me tell you, I didn't mind a bit. Compliments are a wonderful way to heat up any situation. The next time we made love I gave him a few of my own!" 12. Do a little dance "I know that lots of women feel comfortable doing a striptease, but I'm way too shy to try it. I have my own version of one. I just dance for my fianc, making him want to touch me, but never let him. After I've taken off just a few items of

clothing, I let him do the rest! It's all at my speed, and he loves it! In the end, we're both very happy." 13. Go to a "toy store" together. "My husband and I had planned a real date, just the two of us. We dressed up and hit the town. After dinner, I was sure the night was finished, but he had a detour planned. We pulled right into a sex store! I think if he gave me time to think about it, I'd have chickened out. But instead, we walked through the whole store -- and it was very exciting! I think that I even managed to control the blushing until we left." 14. Slip into something more comfortable "One night, after my boyfriend and I went out dancing, he offered to get take-out and bring it back to my place. While he was gone, I decided to make the room -- and myself -- more 'comfortable.' This meant lighting candles, putting on a long satin nightgown, and spraying room freshener. I didn't plan on taking it further, but when he walked in with the food, I saw his eyes jump. So I decided to walk over to him seductively. I pressed my body up to his, and whispered into his ear, 'I have wanted you so badly all night.' That's when his mouth hit the floor, along with the food!" 15. Spend intimate time together "Read a chapter of a book together every night. You can eat grapes, drink wine, even incorporate adult toys or choose to read erotic literature to each other. But for my husband and me, this is all about making an effort to touch, cuddle and spend intimate time together. That leads to an exciting evening no matter what!" 16. Appeal to all his senses "I have been known to put cinnamon on a cookie sheet, turn the oven on and leave the door open a bit. This fills the house with the smell of chocolate chip cookies and puts my husband in a really good mood. 350 degrees usually does the trick!" 17. Get -- and give -- sneak previews "What I like best is when my boyfriend and I describe what we're about to do to each other before doing it. As he talks, I can practically feel what will happen to my body. Talk about a double whammy. When he finally does it, I go through the roof! " 18. Make a bedroom rule "There is one standing 'rule' in our bedroom. We are not allowed to use the same position more than once in a week. Of course we break the rule, but not often, and it generally keeps us from getting into a boring sexual routine." 19. Make a game of it "I challenge my boyfriend to a game of basketball when things get dull. Whoever wins gets whatever he or she wants. Plus, you could make it a full body contact sport." 20. End boredom with a routine "We always celebrate the new year with sex! We've tried to time our orgasms so they both strike right at midnight, but haven't been able to yet. The good news is that we just get to keep trying next year!"

If you are in a relationship, I promise this article ought to insure an increased frequency in sex and the quality of it. There are things to know about your sexuality as a couple that will increase the interest and enjoyment of any sexual encounter for both of you. So, I'd like to offer you some tips to get you in orbit. FOREPLAY BEGINS BEFORE YOU WALK IN THE DOOR! For a number of men, foreplay may begin ten minutes before intercourse. For women, it helps enormously if foreplay begins before you walk in the door that night. That does not mean that you fondle her breasts before you take off your coat! What it means is that you can't expect to not speak to her during the day, watch television all night, turn off the TV, and then and only then turn your attention to her! Women need emotional foreplay. Many men compartmentalize. They are able to watch a ballgame, jump up and down over the final point, turn off the TV, and then get an erection.

For men who want to make love to women, it's helpful to know that women don't work this way. We have overall experiences although this doesn't mean we don't enjoy the occasional quickie. It's like the old joke about men going to a mall to buy something, and women going to a mall to experience the mall. For women, her partner's behavior from the moment he walks in the door is noteworthy (and even earlier than that for example, if he called from work to say "Hi" all of this constitutes foreplay. What are some moves that can pave the way from a logical transition of the day into a sexually charged night?

During dinner, play footsies under the table. Take her wrist and kiss the inside near her pulse. When she's doing the dishes, come up behind her & kiss the back of her neck-- putting your arms around her. Without saying a word, run a warm bubbly bath with favorite smelling potion, light candles, & play music. Massage your partner with exotic oils -- Shop together for scents you like best. Invite her to cuddle, telling her you want to be near her. Hold her hand -- often! Hug your partner unexpectedly-- and look deeply into her eyes. Surprise her with something she never expected. Guys: serenade her with your draws down! The key is that before bedtime, don't forget to touch her, hug her, and keep in contact with her during the evening. After a few sessions with one of my couples, he called her at work to say he couldn't wait to see her that night and he was making dinner. When she came home, he was serving hors d'oeuvres in an apron and that was all! As for men's foreplay, just because you wake up aroused and ready, just because you climb into bed at night aroused and ready, doesn't mean that you guys don't appreciate mental and physical foreplay. (There are morning differences: when men wake up with hard-ons, his woman might wonder: How can you want me the way I look? And he responds: Because I can't see you. I have no blood anywhere near my optic nerve! Men, glorious men, love foreplay -- including foreplay that goes straight to their groin -- hinting of pleasures to come! Most men will report that the longer the sex play, the more intense their orgasm. So, make your foreplay verbal, visual, kinesthetic, and even more erotic than romantic. HINTS ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN

Bite him lightly on the back of the neck when he isn't expecting it. Run your hands over your body while he watches. At a moment he doesn't expect it, take his hand and put it underneath your blouse or skirt. Surprise him with a sexy porn video.

Leave an explicit, erotic note in his briefcase -- telling him what he can expect when he comes home that night. (And, do not tack on the end a reminder to pick up the bread & milk on the way home from work!). IN GENERAL: Women respond positively to the written word. That's why we buy romance novels. And, it is true that some (more evolved) women like the kind of erotic stuff more often preferred by men: visual, earthy, right to the point. Find out if your partner prefers romantic erotica or sex erotica. You don't have to make your (valentine?) note long, and it's not a competition. But, pen a scene of your own, and read it aloud. One of the nicest things about penning your own erotica is that don't have to be those perfect bodies we see in the videos -- the ones we'll never have! You can say, for example: When Joe lifted his strong, found frame, brushing his pot-belly over Melinda. Here's another suggestion: Give redeemable coupons for erotic pleasures. Is there something your partner has told you that she can't get enough of? Well, make up a few coupons she can redeem when she wants. An example: This coupon entitles the bearer to 20 minutes of uninterrupted oral sex. This coupon is not transferable. Or, This coupon entitles the bearer to a hot oil massage -- lasting one hour. This coupon cannot be used until the kids are asleep. OTHER TIPS FOR BETTER SEX: Take a tip from the animal kingdom: first kill all your competitors -- just kidding! In the bird kingdom, females choose a male by watching who builds the best nest, who finds the best branches, the finest twigs, the most shapely bough. This is encoded in our genes! Therefore, it seems to me, you can capitalize on biology by taking a few tips from the birds! Turn your bedroom into a Love Nest

Take the photos of Mom, Dad, Rover, and the little pumpkins out of the bedroom -- and put out photos of the two of you when you were totally smitten with each other. Keep a drawer with lotions, vibrators, lubes, magazines, erotica -- whatever the two of you find sexy! Feed her strawberries, pour her a drink --- and hold the glass to her lips. Anthropological studies show that when she takes food from your hand, she's yours. Believe me, the key aspect for women is that we need to feel as if we aren't an afterthought. We need to feel that you might have thought about us during the day, and how we might be special. Sex, just like love, blossoms in a relationship because people work at it! They learn each other's bodies -they explore each other's fantasies -- they tell their secrets.

A final word: for women, talk is the way into sex. For men, sex is the way into talk. It is a truth: men's emotional life opens through sex. Happy openings -- emotional and sexual! Kiss tips for men

Last month's tip was about kissing, and this time I want to move on down the body to address the "ultimate kiss"that is, cunnilingus. This is oral stimulation of a woman's genitals. Oral sex is fun and should be enjoyed as pure pleasure by those individuals engaging in it! Cleanliness is essential; therefore, you may want to make bathing together part of your foreplay. Listen up, guys. Some men don't understand the need to be gentle, rhythmic and teasing. Be responsive to your lover's hintsI call this intuitive lovemaking. Women, of course, do differ. Cunnilingus requires you to think glacially constantly in motion but advancing slowly. Your goal is to convey the idea that you're licking her because you find it incredibly erotic to be exactly where you are...This is an extremely intimate act of the most loving and giving kind. Now, for some specific guidelines: To begin, work from her mouth to her nipples to her belly, covering as many square inches as possible. You can start building the fire once you've camped between her legs. Spread her vaginal lips using your fingertips (cut those nails)exposing her clitoris (that pleasure button with twice the nerve fibers8,000compared to the penis). Explore the sensitive folds of skin. When she arches her back or moans, slide a finger or two inside her (here you can use a small amount of lube, if necessary). Play with her a bit, then extend your tongue to meet her clitorisdarting it in and out. Press firmly. Lick gently. Throw in some longer, flatter strokes over the length of her vulva, as if you were licking an ice cream cone. Blow lightly across the focus of your attention. Tell her how good she tastes, how much you like licking her. Draw her clitoris gently between your lips and flick it or massage it with your tongue. Stop. Lick. Kiss. Finger. Repeat as necessary. What you're after is a combination of rhythm and intrigue: She can't guess what's coming next, but once it does, she won't want you to stop!

The last "Sex Tip" was about Cunnilingus, and the one before that was on Kissing (both are archived). I think of hot sex primarily as an oral experiencebeginning with deep, emotionally-connected kisses and often wending its way to cunnilingus (the man giving oral sex to the woman), and fellatio (the woman giving oral sex to the man). It is therefore logical that this time I write about fellatiofor all the women visitors to this site or for any guys who might want to share my clinical and personal experience with a lover. The appeal of oral sex has been with humankind foreverVin most every culture. The mouth to a partner's genitals is a powerful, primitive impulse. The first civilized blow job belongs to myth: Hacked to pieces by an enemy, the Egyptian god Osiris is reassembled by his faithful wife, who "blows life" back into him through a reconstructed penis. Just a bit more history: one of the most influential early sex guides came from India. Written sometime between the third and fifth centuries, the Kama Sutra taught that good sex is good karma. It featured eight stages of "oral congress," including side-nibbling, polishing, mango suction, and absorption. Fast forward to present day: you can't be a sensational lover without at least some willingness to lick, suck, and nibbleand to accept such favors in return. I have a lot of enthusiasm for Fellatio. There is the pure pleasure of taking my lover into my mouth and experiencing the power of giving him direct, focused gratification. In the process, my own desire heats up! I didn't always like it...long ago, the first few times were difficult, confusing, and embarrassing. I have come full circle with my own experiences, andthrough my clinical workI also hear my patients' stories. One of the sex education videos I have narrated for the SINCLAIR INTIMACY INSTITUTE was on advanced oral sex techniques. We can learn so much visually... Before you go down, let's get one (potentially) negative issue out the way. Some women fear the penis will cause them to gag. As we become more aroused and turned on, our gag reflex lessens; nevertheless, remember you don't necessarily have to "deep throat." The most intense pleasure for men comes in having the head of the penis sucked. If you fear gagging, simply wrap one hand around the shaft so that it serves

as a barrier to taking more into the mouth than you can handle. Is it possible that gay men give better blow jobs than straight women? In surveying a few gay videos, it appears that these men handled each other's bodies with skills straight women could imitate. One difference: gay men use their hands a lot more than some women. But, beyond technique, there was an observed intensityan authentic relationship with the penis itself. For the woman, I recommend really focusing on his penis and on his pleasure. He can tell when you are truly into the blow job. Some women even experience their own orgasm in giving fellatio! Lots of men also enjoy having their testicles fondled, licked, and sucked. And most respond to gentle pressure on the area between the testes and the anus. You can give your lover a stronger orgasm by pressing that point gently with a finger or thumb as he is ejaculating. Swallowing his "cum" can be an acquired taste; but please remember, it is more sterile than saliva. Vegetarians may taste better than their carnivore brethrenor maybe it's just the propaganda from cows and chickens! Smoking and/or drinking coffee can leave strong or bitter tastes. The antidote: eat celery or pineapple each day. Also, male ejaculate is low in calories and is good for the female facial skinespecially if left on overnight. By the way, (and this is for both genders), next to bathing, humor is the most important sex aid there is. No matter how good you might be from a technical point of view, if you take yourself too seriouslyno one will care much. Ladies, remember she who gives, gets. Of course, this assumes the rest of your relationship is in good shape. Being a great lover will not make up for being a selfish person. For the guys: a few women might overlook bad manners and social lunacy (buy April's book to avoid these!) for really hot sex. These women are the exception... Evolved and happy women will say fellatio is really sensual, absolutely a turn-on, and not at all like a job.

As millions of people can testify, masturbation is the most important sexual bond in the most important relationship you'll ever have. Reach out and touch yourself: It feels good, and there's no sin in that. Imagine an enthusiast pounding the pulpit and shouting, "Love thyself, damn it!" Many are uncomfortable with that idea. Centuries of religious propaganda has taken its toll. Women, more than men, may need encouragement for how to throw a party for one. The National Health and Social Life survey reported that 58 percent of women don't indulge. And of those who do, 47 percent feel guilty. Too bad , so sad, to feel guilt. Masturbation prepares you for great sex, since you learn what you like and can teach a partner. If a woman has trouble reaching orgasm, self-pleasuring may help with or without a vibrator. Vibrating sex toys can be a blessing because the continual vibration tends to break through resistances. How about for the guys? If a man wants to gain more ejaculatory control and manage rapid or delayed ejaculation, there are masturbation techniques that can help - (described in a video I will mention later). Yes, studies have shown that solo sex plays an important role in sexual development and growth. Why fly solo? First of all, it feels good. You can give yourself pleasure whenever you want -- after a hard day, in the middle of a boring task, or just for fun. Second, you don't need a partner to do it. (But you don't always have to masturbate alone. Later, I will talk about how to share it). Third, as I previously noted, it can provide self-knowledge helping you know what feels good to you. Fourth, self-pleasuring is an absolutely safe way to explore your sexuality. As a Sex Therapist, I adore exposing sexual myths. There is a notion that adults who masturbate are sexual failures who lack social skills to find sexual partners or that self-pleasuring is a behavior only for individuals

who do not have partners or who are otherwise sexually deprived. Not true! For example, it turns out that babes with boyfriends masturbate just as often as the single set. Married folks with hot sex lives also report a higher degree of self-pleasuring than those couples who have infrequent lovemaking. It must be something about the sex chemicals circulating in a lusty body! Masturbation is also a powerful aphrodisiac. According to research, wives who self-pleasure desire and enjoy sex more than those who don't. And, for single guys getting serious about a gal: if she doesn't masturbate, she may not know how she likes to be pleasured. Find out! What about mutual masturbation or showing your lover how you do it? Sharing your self-knowledge with a partner can be intensely intimate and arousing for both of you. Demonstrating your solo preferences not only helps your partner understand how to stimulate you most effectively, it can also convey a profound sense of trust. It tells your lover that you're willing to risk exposing your most private experiences. Truth be known, a guy might be really turned on by watching his lover. Why do you think most every porn video incorporates women masturbating? Most men love it! They get very aroused watching. So, as a couple, watch each other. It can be pretty sexy stuff. You get to see the other person take his or her erotic shape because everyone masturbates differently. The men can even develop a totally new mind-set in the bedroom: Instead of thinking they're going to give their women an orgasm, they'd be much smarter if they thought they there to support her giving herself an orgasm. A fabulous visual guide to all of this is on the DVD "A LOVER'S GUIDE TO SELF PLEASURING" found on BetterSex.com. (I have not narrated this video -- but, I have participated in other SINCLAIR Sex Ed presentations). In the end, the best thing about masturbation is that once you discover it, you realize you'll never be alone!

Do you keep toys in an erotic hope chest? If you are a woman, you probably do. (You may even have had your first orgasm using a vibrator). If you are a man, read on as I sing the praise of joy toys. Men should encourage women to bring their sex toys out of the closet and into the open bed. Vibrators prove that while a man's penis may droop, his ministrations can go on forever. They can be a guy's pinch hitter and friend. So roll over, Red Rover, and let the vibrations take over. One of worst lies our culture tells us is that good sex comes naturally and anything that enhances it diminishes the essential nature of the act. I don't know why. No one ever suggests that using a fork and a knife and a napkin and a plate diminishes the essential act of eating. You can, of course, eat your hunk of raw meat off the floor and still gain the basic benefits of consuming protein. But there's nothing wrong with dining, not even fine dining, and sex toys can turn good sex (especially for long-term couples) into great sex. Sex toys are fun! Eskimos call sex "laughing time". Unfortunately, some tend to view sex as work especially a guy with some performance anxiety ("I have a job to do here..."). Erotic tools are a way to

jump-start passion and explore different ways of arousing each other. One of my male clients became comfortable with all of this, and declared, "Sex toys create exquisite sensations with a vibrator, I've titillated my lover in ways I couldn't do with my body alone. I love bringing her to the peak of excitement and then keeping her there. We also use props soft bondage cuffs and silk blindfolds to act out erotic fantasies." This guy was completely over any embarrassment and completely into total pleasure! What else can sex toys do for couples? The man mentioned above is a caring and enthusiastic lover, attentive to his partner's desires. No, he needs never to worry about being replaced by a vibrator! In fact, once a guy becomes comfortable with the idea of using a vibrator with his sexual partner, it can actually offer him several advantages:

It takes pressure off the man. If she hasn't climaxed during intercourse, she can have a vibrator-induced orgasm. He can use the sex toy to stimulate her; or he can watch, hold and caress her while she uses it on herself.

Men can try the vibrator on themselves. One model is the Magic Touch Kit-ring, a vibrating "cock ring" which can help an erection get or stay firm, and is good for partner play since it doubles as a "clit tickler.". It adds excitement and variety. It becomes an excellent way to expand your sexual repertoire. You and your partner can visit a local sex shop or browse through sexual products catalogues or go online (I like www.goodvibes.com) to get an idea of the variety of models available. As you use your tools for love, be creativeRelax, keep your sense of humor, use your experience, and enjoy the results. Don't try to do it perfectly, just do it! Remember erotic toys are a way for grown-ups to play. Using props adds extra zing to sex, and also deepens the sense of trust and intimacy between lovers. Ready to join the fun?

Some years ago, the hit TV show "L.A. Law" introduced a new term into the sexual vocabulary of America: the Venus-Butterfly. (Do you remember?) The technique was, alas, a figment of the scriptwriter's imagination. Here are some possible enactments for pursuing the "Venus-Butterfly":

The female partner assumes a prone position, with her legs partly spread and her bottom just a bit elevated. Her skillful male partner then enters her from behind.

Simultaneously, he places the forefingers of each hand (for maximum effect, both are required) at either side of the lady's clitoris. The bi-winged approach resembles a butterfly! His hands help support her thighs, and as he thrusts into the vagina, he gently applies friction to each side of the clitoris, massaging in rhythm with his other movements. The gentle tugging lends additional pressure to the vulva/vagina, generating sensory overload.

Place the thumbs, side by side, support the chin since the neck may get tired performing lengthy cunnilingus. The forefingers are used to spread the labia; the joined middle fingers are inserted into the vagina and the ring fingers are interlocked.

The woman lies on her back and the man places her right leg over his shoulder allowing him easy access to her pubic mound. With tender, gentle movements, the lover spreads her vulva lips apart with his left hand, exposing the clit and forming the shape of a butterfly. While the man flicks and gently darts his tongue on

and around the clit, sometimes sucking gently upon it, he slowly and gently opens and closes the lips upon the clit - forming the shape of a butterfly. The guy may also want to move the thumb of his right hand in and out of the vagina. This may give his lover something to bear down as she orgasms.

The man takes his penis (hard or soft) in hand, and, starting at the south end of the vagina, gently rubs the head into the groove of the vagina, lightly sliding it upwards to the clitoris. Then, he reverses it, and slides it slowly back down. Repeat. The guy now works his shaft lengthwise into the fold of the vagina. Yes, this is when you achieve the likeness of a butterfly: with the shaft of the penis as its head and abdomen and labia as its wings

Are your date nights feeling blah? Do you need to spice it up before it dies of boredom? Here are 20 tips from some of our favorite people! 1. Why do you have to? If the combination of the two people isn't spicy enough, stay home and read a good book. Catherine Hickland, author of The 30 Day Heartbreak Cure 2. Let your date pick from a grab bag of coupons for different sex acts from a sensuous massage to intercourse in the room of his choice. -- Lily from PA 3. Flirt, flirt, flirt with your partner: No matter how long you've been together, flirt with each other when you go out. If you used to flirt with each other and now don't, start doing it again. If you never did, try stepping out of your "norm" and flirt a little with him or her. -- Susie and Otto Collins, relationship coaches and co-authors of Red Hot Love Relationships and How to Heal Your Broken Heart 4.Let your husband/date choose a sexy outfit for you to wear. Just the act of dressing for him -- outfit and lingerie -- will turn him on. -- Beverly Solomon, creative director of musee-solomon 5. Go on a road trip! Just drive, no destination in mind, and see where the road takes you. -- Amy from IN 6. Do a slow strip tease, one item of clothing after each romantic dance. You probably won't get past 3 songs. -- Beverly Solomon, creative director of musee-solomon 7. Wear sexy underwear that you know your mate will love it will be an extra special gift as he unwraps his "present".

--Scarlette from NJ 8. Play photographer and model. Whether you keep the photos or not, it is a great turn on. And a great way to find out what about your looks turns him on. -- Beverly Solomon, creative director of musee-solomon 9. Make some chocolate fondue for dessert and then brush the leftovers on each other! -- Ellyn from NY 10. Start with you nude in your heels and have him to put your garter belt and hose on you -- again you might get past one leg. Note -- if HE puts on your garter belt and hose -run for your life. -- Beverly Solomon, creative director of musee-solomon 11. Try something you never have before whether it be a public place, bondage, or blind folds, it will bring a whole new dimension to your lovemaking. -- Melissa from FL 12. Invent your own brand of romance and it doesn't have to look like anyone else's. Romance to you might be yelling and screaming together at a basketball game. It might be snuggled up at your favorite restaurant or it might be taking a walk in the woods and holding hands. -- Susie and Otto Collins, relationship coaches and co-authors of Red Hot Love Relationships and How to Heal Your Broken Heart 13. Send flirty texts in the hours before your date by dinner, the anticipation will be driving you crazy. -- Grace from NY 14. Wear new undies. Even if you don't plan for the night to go in that direction, it will make you feel more sexy and confident. -- Marti from CT 15. Share the fantasy night. Whisper your fantasy in his ear in public and let him stew in the thought until you get home. Have the stage set. -- Beverly Solomon, creative director of musee-solomon 16. Watch a dirty movie. Either it will turn you on, or give you a great shared laugh. -- Allison from NJ

17. Try an evening of finger foods... feeding each other gooey, messy, bites can be incredibly erotic! -- Laura from NY 18. Take a trip down memory lane. For date night, do something together that you used to love to do together. Maybe it's the restaurant where you met, bowling or renting the movie you saw together on your first date. -- Susie and Otto Collins, relationship coaches and co-authors of Red Hot Love Relationships and How to Heal Your Broken Heart 19. Fool around but don't have sex. Remember high school, when you'd make out for hours and never even take off your clothes? NOT having sex can be a huge turn on. -- Erica from VA 20. Try role playing. Meet at a bar and pretend to be strangers... the excitement will be flowing in no time.

My partner and I have been together for two years now and we have been living together for about four months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve. I love sex and I'm sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can't seem to make an effort to do the wild thing - one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we're losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I've had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship. We do love each other and we've been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don't know what to do about it. We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I'm scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different - he thinks 'Let's have sex?' is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on... When we weren't living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but three times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement. Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don't think I want to lose my relationship but I don't know if I have the will power to save it - I don't know what to do. The Answer: You might be surprised to learn that almost all long-term relationships go through this phase where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and three years into the relationship. Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you. Does he know how you feel?

Open and honest communication is the most important component of any relationship. Talk about it! Yes, with him, not with your girlfriends, not with anyone else. It's absolutely amazing how many lovers simply don't communicate openly and honestly with one another. So many guys chat about their love live with their buddies, often as a way of bragging and showing off. And then they ask their guy friends if this or that sex idea would be okay. This is a bad idea for guys and girls. If you're trying to figure out what sexual experiences to try out, talk with your lover not your buddies. So, does he know that you crave hot spontaneous sex, or that you get excited by playing a little rough? Guess what, he might like that too! Or he might not, but you'll never know if you don't explore this topic together. And by the way, you'll have a lot of fun and get a lot closer in the process. Don't hurt anyone's feelings and check your ego at the door It's a strange thing, but sex partners often get their feelings hurt when one of them suggests trying something new, or doing something a little differently. Get over it! The point of sex and intimacy is to enjoy each other and be happy together! Unless of course you're focused solely on making babies - but that's not the topic of this article. Getting comfortable and killing your relationship Complacency, also known as "getting comfortable" is the death knell of so many relationships, it may as well be a full blown epidemic. So many couples strive to "get comfortable". What that means is they stop trying. And guess what... you stop trying, and your relationship dies. It's that simple. The excitement and attraction dies, and your relationships becomes a project that you're always fixing up. That's no fun. So how can you add that spice and excitement back into your relationship so that you're not just lusting after those hot bodies at the gym? Seduction as a game for lovers - the chase begins anew The thrill of seduction doesn't end when you get into a relationship. Why give up such a wonderful thing, even if you could? Admit it, we enjoy the chase. I know I do and I'm at peace with it. And if you're not chasing your lover, you'll end up chasing someone else. We're just wired that way. So let's just accept that fact and use it to our advantage. When was the last time you tried to seduce your partner? No, I'm not talking about coming home and saying "Hey, let's go have sex". Blah! Boring! I mean dressing up to look your best, wearing something sexy and feeling sexy. Some of the best and most exciting sex is spontaneous sex, when you're so wrapped up in the heat of the moment that you just can't stop from ripping each other's clothes off! Now that's excitement. And doesn't it sound more fun than "Hey, let's go have sex"? Schedule hot sex dates You go through the trouble of scheduling lunch and dinner appointments with just about everyone in your life. How about paying at least that much attention to your lover? Make time for that really steamy hot date, and plan accordingly. That way you'll both be anticipating it all day, or all week. Make a sex date box

Here's a neat idea. Get together with your lover and each of you jot down a steamy date idea on a piece of paper and agree that each time you go on a hot steamy date, you'll pick a card from your special sex date box. Watch some erotic movies - together Basic Instinct, Wild Orchid, 9 1/2 Weeks - it doesn't have to be Playboy porn, just something that gets you excited; trust me he'll get excited simply by you being excited. Go out and buy some hot lingerie - together What could be more exciting than shopping for hot lingerie together? By the time you're done, you'll be well in the mood for a hot sex date. How about going to an adult toy store - together? Maybe go visit an adult toy store together. Even if you don't buy anything, you're sure to have a lot of fun checking out all the merchandise. Mix it up with some new sexual adventures Doing the same old thing over and over again is bound to get boring. You wouldn't watch the same TV show for the rest of your life, would you? Try something different. Whether you're up for a threesome or interested in the wild latex world of BDSM, the same idea applies. Be open to new experiences. Venture out and keep it exciting. In summary

Talk with your partner about sex. Really, make a date to sit down and go over it. Then resolve to always talk about it form then on. Check your ego at the door. If your partner makes sex suggestions and you get defensive, then you're missing the point completely. Get over it and put your partner first. You'll be glad you did. Don't strive to get "comfortable" in a relationship. If you're there, break out of it before you doom your relationship for good. Bring the excitement of seduction and the chase back into your relationship - fast. Actually schedule some hot sex dates with your partner. Really. Keep it exciting with some new sexual adventures. Try new things. Open your mind and explore the entire world of sex possibilities. Sex is not rocket science, which means anyone can be good at it, and we can all keep improving our skills. In fact, getting better at sex is part of a married persons job because good sex is part of the foundation of a good marriage. Here are 10 ways from the basic to the more advanced to spice up your sex life:

1. Talk to your spouse more. In addition to talking about sex and sharing your sexual fantasies, you and your husband or wife should talk more in general. Improving your communication and speaking with one another more frequently will make you feel closer to one another. That will make you more intimate and probably less inhibited in the bedroom or wherever you prefer to have sex. 2. Spend more time on foreplay.

Sex should be something to which you look forward. Foreplay is what gets you excited and anticipating the main event. It doesnt have to be limited to the 15 minutes before youd like to have sex. You could start the day with sexy text messages (think MMS with a revealing photo or an e-mail expressing how hot your husband looked as you both left for work). 3. Get better at oral sex. Foreplay often ends with both partners performing oral sex on one another. Sometimes, people take oral sex for granted, but it can be quite pleasurable and can really put people, especially women, in the mood for sex. When performing cunnilingus on a woman, men should refrain from making jabbing movements with their tongue. Slower, softer movements are usually better. Women, while performing fellatio on a man, should of course keep their teeth away from the mans penis and use their lips and tongue instead. Both men and women who are performing oral sex should use their hands to enhance the experience. Let your partner lead you with directions, so you know what he or she prefers. 4. Try new positions. This might seem like an obvious tip, but youd be surprised by the number of married people who get stuck in a sex rut by performing the same combination of positions over and over again. There is more to sex than missionary and woman on top. You might try reverse cowboy or doggy style or a move you have seen on TV or anything Sting has talked about doing. The point is to try a new sexual position and see if you and your husband or wife enjoy it. 5. Climax at the same time. Reaching orgasm at the same time is easier said than done. But if the woman can orgasm (its usually more difficult for her) and she gives her husband fair warning that its about to happen, he might be able to reach orgasm with her. This intensifies the moment and truly has the two of you feeling like one (not to mention feeling like porn stars). In the end, youll probably collapse into each others' arms from exhaustion and have the best sleep ever. 6. Dress for sex all the time. Wearing sexy lingerie or silk boxers (or nothing at all) underneath your work clothes or sweats even will help you feel sexy and a little naughty. This will put you in the mood for sex and throughout the day will have you anticipating the moment you finally get to have sex. It will also serve as a lovely surprise as your husband or wife undresses you. White cotton granny panties, after all, can really kill the mood. 7. Be spontaneous. While some people have to schedule sex to make sure it happens, there is something exhilarating about having sex with your partner unexpectedly. If your husband is in the bathroom getting ready for work and you rub against him, push him against the wall, and give him a kiss and it leads to sex right then and there, youll both start the day with a smile. Some couples even enjoy sex in public places. But that can get risky because if you get caught, its against the law. Your couch or the kitchen table in the middle of the day might be better alternatives. 8. Use toys or lubricant to enhance the experience. Theres nothing wrong with bringing a vibrator to bed with you or getting KY Jelly to make sex less painful or simply more stimulating. Some couples enjoy browsing at sex shops together to find items that would improve their sex life. Everything from chocolate body paints to whips and chains is available these days, and with your husband or wife you shouldnt feel embarrassed. But you should

discuss what kinds of things would appeal to both of you and neither of you should feel forced to participate if youre not comfortable. 9. Indulge in quickies. In this crazy world, you dont always have time for marathon sex. That doesnt mean you should go without. A great quickie on your lunch hour or just before leaving for work can leave you feeling refreshed and satisfied. Ladies, who have trouble reaching orgasm with a quickie, can still find pleasure in the sex and the closeness that they feel to their husband. 10. When in doubt, return to the basics. There is a certain level of comfort and pleasure that comes with vanilla sex your run of the mill married sex. You shouldnt be ashamed if that works for you. When your sex life seems to be stuck or you feel like youre trying too hard, you should return to the basics the positions and foreplay that have always worked for your husband or wife and you. If it aint broke, after all, you shouldnt fix it.

A good sex position isnt just about how your bodies are arranged, it is a sex position that allows for the kind of movement you like in your sex. There are times you might relish a slow, even thrusting. Other times you might be in the mood for rougher, pounding sex. Most of us who are over the age of 20 will have some movements that are less comfortable than others. Many of us will be unable to move in certain ways altogether because of pain or medical conditions. Each sex position is going to both limit and allow for certain movements, and most of them affect each partner differently. The woman on top position sex position obviously limits the kind of movement the person on the bottom can do, but it allows for the woman on top to move however she likes. The key is to think about what movements feel good, to experiment in case there are some that would work for you that you hadnt thought of, and then to use sex positions that allow you to move in the ways that work best. So often I hear about how much men need sex, but my husband has no interest in sex. The only time we make love is when I initiate it. Is there something wrong with me? Why doesnt my husband want me? Donalyn: Well first of all, there is nothing wrong with you! The first response of most women in your situation is to second-guess or blame themselves. While your husbands lack of desire is certainly a problem, it is most likely not a problem with you. In fact, most sexual problems arent sexual at all. Dave: That is right Donalyn. We sometimes have the idea that for men, the sexual experience is detached from what is going on inside. In reality, a mans emotions can have a huge impact on his sexual desire. If he feels emotionally distant from his wife, and especially if he feels like a failure in any way, it can lead to a lack of confidence and therefore a lack of interest in sex. For a man, sexual performance is very much tied to ego, so if he is not feeling good about himself it will definitely show up in his approach to sexual intimacy with his wife. Donalyn: As women, we know that our sexual appetite is diminished when we do not feel connected to our husbands, or if there is unresolved anger between us. But we forget that our husbands sex drive can also suffer for these same reasons. Likewise, if a man is overworked or under a lot of stress, whether inside or outside the home, sexual interest may start to take a back seat.

A Conversation about Love & God

Has love betrayed you? Is it preventing you from believing that you are a human being who is loved by God? You are intelligent, beautiful, loved, and not alone.

Dave: Of course, there are all sorts of physical issues that could be at play here too. If your husband has had any struggles with erectile dysfunction, that is likely a huge contributing factor. If he is feeling any lack of confidence in his ability to perform, he will almost certainly shy away from physical intimacy. Libido is also significantly impacted by testosterone levels, so if your husband has low testosterone, that could be the cause. Drug use, whether prescription or otherwise, may hinder the sexual desire. The good news is that many of the physical factors are very treatable, so it may be time for your husband to have a doctors appointment to get some help with this. Donalyn: Sadly, in many cases, there are other things going on which are not so easy to deal with. Healthy sexual intimacy in marriage can be totally derailed by a persons involvement with pornography or other inappropriate sexual activities. That is becoming more and more prevalent in this age of the Internet. Dave: It is true. So many in our society view pornography as harmless, and some even think that its a great way to spice up your sex life with your partner. A man can easily be drawn into porn, where he never fails in the fantasy and where he can be sexually stimulated without facing the issues with his wife. But the truth is, pornography neuters a man. He becomes so wrapped up in this fantasy world that he is no longer capable of being excited by his own wife. She cannot possibly compete with the airbrushed models in the magazines and on the computer screen, so the husband simply loses interest in her. Donalyn: So in reality, he has as much need for sexuality as ever; he is just getting those needs met elsewhere. Dave: Exactly. And it is not just pornography, either. Sexual substitutes can include a variety of fantasy sources, combined with self-stimulation. Pornographic movies and books, phone services, and strip clubs are rampant. Some men find release in voyeurism: scoping women out and fantasizing about them later. Others give into their attractions to other women, leading to emotional and/or physical affairs. Regardless of the way it is acted out, the point is this: few men can choose to be neuter for long. If your husband has lost interest in sex, and there does not seem to be a significant emotional or physical explanation, he may have fallen into one of these snares. Donalyn: As you can see, there are a whole lot of issues that may need to be sorted through to get to the root of the problem. You need to have an honest talk with your husband, but do it in love. Rather than attacking, grilling or blaming him, share your struggles with him. Tell him that you are wondering if there is something wrong with you that is causing him not to want you. Be vulnerable and let him see what you are feeling whether that is your insecurity, feeling unfeminine or even ugly. Even if you suspect that it is more a problem on his end rather than a problem with you, approach it sensitively. Dave: That is a great suggestion. Realize that this is an extremely difficult thing for a man to talk about. He may feel embarrassed, insecure, humiliated, or guilty especially if he is living a lie. Coming at him with guns blazing will only push him further away, so be gentle in your approach. Donalyn: I would ask him how you should interpret his lack of interest. Ask him what you can do to help him reengage sexually. Maybe he knows exactly what the problem is, or perhaps you will have to work through it together to discover what lies at the root. The best thing you can do is approach it as a team. He cannot be made to feel like this is all his problem to solve on his own. He needs to know that you are on the same side. So share with him your needs and your desires how you would like things to be. Then work together to get there.

Dave: That is right. Support him throughout the process as he works through his fears and insecurity. Remind him of your love and your desire to grow in your intimacy emotionally, physically and spiritually. And even though you might not be able to fully relate to his perspective, work hard to genuinely understand where he is coming from. Donalyn: Right. But that is tough to do if you discover that pornography or other illegitimate behaviors are part of the picture. Dave: Yes, that is very true. But if you do suspect that this is a factor, you are going to ask him the tough questions about where he is having his sexual needs met. And as hard as it will be, if your husband has the courage to open up with you and share his struggles in this area, he will need your support. These issues can be worked through and overcome, but not without a great deal of patience and understanding. Donalyn: It is also important to find out if there is anything that you have been doing to contribute to the problem. Not that it ever excuses wrong behavior on his part, but you need to know if you have said or done anything to turn him away from you. It may be that you have a critical spirit, that you have been controlling him or cutting him down, or that you are making him feel less of a man. If so, these are behaviors that you can take responsibility for and begin to change, in order to improve the situation between you. Dave: Absolutely. If a man is feeling constantly criticized or dominated, it creates big damage to his selfworth, and that filters down to his sexual interest. So find out what issues may be coming between you and take positive steps to resolve them. You might even read some marriage and sexuality resources to help you through this process. Sheet Music, by Dr. Kevin Leman and Staying Close, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey are good places to start. Donalyn: Finally, make sure you are taking care of yourself. Do you feel good about how you look? A failure to take care of yourself can put extra strain on him. Remember the woman that he married? Keep yourself looking your best and you will feel better, regardless of his response. Dave: Keep in mind 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wifes body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husbands body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control. While I would not necessarily recommend preaching at your husband, every couple needs to remember that depriving or denying each other increases the temptation to have sexual needs met elsewhere. Again, it never legitimizes it. But a wise person will work to keep their spouse satisfied within the marriage.

"Im in my early 40s, and find that I want more sex than my partner. Some of my friends say their relationships are the same. What is going on heream I normal?"

Dale Curd answers:

The quick answer is no, there is nothing wrong with you. Your well-being is not affected by a difference between you and your partner and your sex drives. And while Im on the subject, there is also nothing wrong with your man. You dont mention whether your man is affected by any physical symptoms that may be impacting his libidowhich affect one out of five men on averageand you also dont mention whether the frequency of sex youre having now is different from when you were first together, which also would be normal. So, if I rule out physiological causes and normal relationship development I can tell you that men stop having sex because of what they are thinking. And a mans thoughts about not having sex fall into three primary categories: Avoidance Men often avoid sex to prevent themselves from being emotionally intimate because doing so will force up some feelings they dont want to deal with. In our society men are not conditioned to know how to process strong emotion

so they tend to either bottle up, or blow up. If your man is dealing with something he doesnt want to feel he may be avoiding intimacy with you. Anger Yes, men withhold sex because theyre angry; more specifically, because they are holding on to resentments or judgements, including self-judgement. Men typically dont talk about these resentments or self-judgements but over time, they accumulate and can act as a barrier to sex for a man who is holding them inside.

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Partner up for sexy abs What's your libido type? New ways to increase female libido Expert advice: How do I find my soulmate? Ambivalence Many men are floating through life in a state of melancholy, unwilling to passionately engage with anything or anyone. These men are grieving a major transition in their lives and are blocked in a feeling they dont want to feel because it is painful for them. So they resist feeling it and as a result become disconnected from feeling any emotion fully. Ambivalence can also occur in a man who is emotionally spent. I see a few men in my practice who because of work insecurity, financial instability and relationship pressure are emotionally and energetically "tired," and therefore uninterested in sex. So, what can you do about what your man is experiencing? As with women, a mans greatest sex organ is his mind. Seduce him with understanding and you will ignite his libido. Listen to your man for what is ailing him and reaffirm his masculinity by letting him know that you believe he is strong enough to sort through any blocks in his way. Lubricate his resistance with empathy. Share with him the times when you have not been interested in sex. Let him know it happens frequently for many people. Understanding and empathy will dissolve his blocks and he will share and see that what awaits him when he shares is deep loveand more sex.

Cheryl Fraser answers:

There was a time when a woman with a robust libido might be given a nymphomania diagnosishmm, notice that there is no such insulting label for sexually charged men?but luckily, weve moved out of the Dark Ages. So, congratulations: Youre in a significant minority of women who are more sexually motivated (read hornier) than their partner. Female sexuality is strongly influenced by psychological desire; that is, great sex is all in our heads. In my private practice, women tell me all the time that before they can jump their partner, there has to be a perfect love-storm: They need to have had a good day at work, feel happy and relaxed, and, most of all, be in a good, conflict-free sweet spot with their lover. Men, by contrast, generally become physically aroused without being impacted so much by that thing called reality; they dont need mental desire. Lucky them. Some women in their 40s enjoy newly liberated sexual energy. At this stage of life they often discover they can get out of their head, and allow physical arousal to jump-start their sex drive without letting mental desire run the show. Feeling wiser, more confident and sexier quiets the worries that can form roadblocks to sexuality. And when this happenslook out. These women dont wait to get in the mood, they simply take action (and therefore get a lot of action!). So not only is there nothing wrong with you, your strong libido indicates that you are healthy and have enough life balance to allow your sexual arousal to be freed from the stress of your everyday life. And despite the myths, most men are not sex machines. In many cases a man may be a little intimidated if his lover starts taking the initiative and telling him she wants it, and she wants it now. Your guy may be uncomfortable playing the role of the seducee, rather than the seducer, and he may need some warming up. I tell my female patients to flirt with their partner throughout the day to help him build his anticipation. Send him an erotic email or text, and let him know you cant wait for him to get home so you can ravish him. Then surprise him in bed (on the couch, on the kitchen floor) by trying something that isnt part of your typical nipple, nipple, crotch, goodnight routine. Pretty soon, hell think it was his idea, and a darn fine one at that.

Dale Curd is a counselor and one of Canada's leading authorities on men's issues. He works in private practice in Toronto and speaks internationally on men and the male perspective.

6 reasons men say no to sex

Are you getting turned down in the bedroom? Don't worry, it's not about you. Here are six reasons your partner might be saying no to sex, and what you can do about them By Jennifer Goldberg

Why does he turn down sex?

When it comes to sex, men are ready to go at any time, right? Well, not always, says 29-year-old P.J., an online producer from Toronto. Its rare that I dont want to have sex, but the times I will say no are when Im thinking about something intensely and I cant pull myself out of it, he explains. Not even a surprise birthday visit from his girlfriend wearing lingerie could pique his interest one time when he was deep in thought. I was feeling pensive and I didnt want to be outside of myself. And with sex, you want to connect with somebody, he says. It may be difficult to imagine that a healthy heterosexual man would turn down a woman wearing a thong. However, P.J. is far from alone in this situation, says Vancouver-based sex therapist David McKenzie. In the last two years, Ive noticed more clients of mine than before are men lacking sexual desire and its the women who are initiating sex, he says. If your partner is turning down your advances theres probably a good explanation for his lack of interestand it likely has nothing to do with how he feels about you. Here are some common reasons why men say no, and what you can do to get him back to saying, Yes!

1. Hes suffering from depression

Clinical depression is one of the biggest killers of sex drive in men, says McKenzie. Men of all ages, even teenagers, may experience much lower sex drive when theyre struggling with this mood disorder.

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What you can do: Remember that clinical depression is a physical illness and not a character weakness, says McKenzie. There are plenty of online resources available to help you and your partner better understand depression and how it can affect your relationship. (The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, for example, has some tips on how to cope.) The key here is patience, especially during treatmentwhile antidepressants are very effective in treating depression, they can also contribute to low sexual interest. Your partner may want to speak to a doctor, however, if he notices that treatment is severely interfering with his sex drive.

2. His testosterone levels are low

When a man gets to be over 40, his testosterone levels begin to decrease, says McKenzie. If this happens mildly over time, then a man will gradually lose his sexual prowess. But sometimes males can lose testosterone very rapidly. This condition is sometimes referred to as andropause and comes with symptoms that include loss of energy, depressive symptoms and low sex drive. What you can do: Low testosterone is a physical condition that can be treated by a physician. If you suspect your partner is experiencing some of the symptoms associated with andropause, suggest he ask his doctor for a testosterone test to determine if low levels are to blame for his lack of desire.

3. He's got trouble with the plumbing

Though erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are common problems, says McKenzie, a man who experiences these difficulties may withdraw from his partner for fear that shell be disappointed or think that hes less of a man. Its hard on a mans self esteem to not be able to perform in bed, explains David, a 28-year-old musician from Toronto. Growing up, guys always talk about being a player and being able to perform well sexually. Its part of guy culture. What you can do: This can be a difficult subject to discuss with your partner, but dont avoid the issue, says McKenzie. A problem left untreated could result in resentment between partners down the road. Approach the situation very delicately, David advises. Start by saying, You know I love you no matter what, he suggests. Dont make a big deal out of it or make him feel like it will affect your interest in him as a partner if he cant make it happen.

4. Hes stressed out about his career

Worrying about work can be a real mood killer for many men, especially if they tend to equate professional success with self-worth. Its the times when I feel like Im going nowhere and accomplishing nothing in my career that I will spiral into a negative place and I would say no to sex, David explains. What you can do: Discuss the situation away from the bedroom. Right before bed isnt always the best time to engage in a deep conversation, says David. Instead, mutually decide on a good time to chat about whats going on in his life. Ask if theres anything you can do to support him through a stressful time, but be clear that his demanding job is taking a toll on your relationship.

5. Hes exhausted
Chances are, if your partner says hes too tired for some late-night nookie, hes really exhausted. If Im a little tired, Im usually up for it, says David. But there are times when Im just so dead to the world Im physically incapable [of having sex]. What you can do: Dont take it personally. According to McKenzie, about 98 percent of the men he counsels would say that their lack of sexual interest has nothing to do with how they feel about their partners. P.J. concurs. It would be a turn-off if my partner were to make the issue about her, because then I would feel guilty on top of being exhausted, he says. Rather than acting hurt or angry, set the stage for a conversation about whats going on in

his life to make him so tired. But if the problem persists for more than six weeks, its time to consider getting help from a therapist or physician.

6. Youre moving too fast

If a new man youre dating turns down an invitation to come upstairs for a nightcap, he could be trying to tell you that hes not ready to sleep with you yet. Theres a lot of emotional involvement that comes with having sex with somebody, says P.J. How do you get skin to skin with someone you dont know? What you can do: Slow downthis could be a sign that the guy wants to get to know you better before getting physical. Take the declined invitation in stride and remember that, despite what your father might have told you before the prom, guys do have more than one thing on their minds. Were emotional beings too, and we want more than just sex, says P.J. Don't miss out! Sign up for our free weekly newsletters and get nutritious recipes, healthy weight-loss tips, easy ways to stay in shape and all the health news you need, delivered straight to your inbox.

So you like wearing a thong when you go to dinner? Or being tied up and spanked? Anal sex? Well, youre certainly not alone. The trouble is, in our oh-so-modern sexual era (not!) bringing up fetishes and kinky pastimes with your new lover may not go down too well. At best, she will grin seductively and reveal that she too loves to do those things. At worst, she will think you are a pervy-weirdo creep and unsure if she should see you again. If the former happens, well thats great. The latter? Read on friend. I dont want you or your new girl getting your pink frillys in a twist.

women like kinky sex

Even the most prudish woman can be connivingly convinced to partake in the most lascivious and lewd sex acts. Dont believe me? Its entirely possible. Despite rumors, more often than not, women are actually deviant sex goddesses waiting to be released from their good-girl prisons. The main factor when introducing new games to the bedroom is preparation; there should be very few surprises. This means -oh yes, you guessed it -- lots of talking preferably before you leap into bed. Timing is not everything, but rates highly. Educating her is paramount. Making it seem like her idea in the first place is simple genius if you can pull it off.

Introducing spanking, biting and hair pulling

Kink factor: 2 out of 5 These are such childish behaviors, but they can add an uninhibited layer to good sex. The good thing about these is that you dont really have to talk about them too much before you do them. You can test the waters as you go along, but always keep it light. There are very few preconceived ideas about spanking, biting and hair pulling.

How to introduce it: These things are best done during a very passionate sexual encounter. Go with the flow and use your common sense -- tread deliberately and carefully. Wild abandon usually equals pain. Spanking: The problem with spanking is it gets better the more you do it, and the first couple can sting quite badly. Let her spank you back. Have a good spanking session, laugh your heads off and spank each other silly. The eroticism will come later. Dont spank every session unless requested. Biting: The success of your nibbles relies heavily on pressure, timing and frequency. Keep it light, only do it while in the absolute throes of passion, and dont do it often. If you want her to bite you, instruct her on the art -- she is unlikely to just know how you like it. Dont ever bite breasts or vaginas unless expressly asked to. Leaving marks is not desirable. Hair pulling: If you want to pull her hair, do it gently. If you want her to pull yours, then just asking nicely should yield results. There are loads of pressure points in the scalp that makes hair pulling quite a sensuous activity when done properly. Dont yank, and be conscious that her head and neck is attached to that beautiful hair. Hold the hair close to the scalp and in handfuls as opposed to pulling on a ponytail or the ends of longer hair. Breaking out the sex toys, role playing and tying her up Next Page >>


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Introducing sex toys

Kink factor: 3 out of 5 Men pulling out sex toys? Hang on a sec -- thats supposed to be the womans job. Times are changing, and it is entirely acceptable for a man to declare his longings for sex toys -- even huge cock shaped ones -- to be introduced into the bedroom repertoire. It is great to have a man who isnt insecure about it. Just be careful when pulling out butt plugs or prostate massagers because she is unlikely to be familiar with these. A vibrating plastic vagina might be on the weird side, and she may not know how to use a cock ring, or have ever seen a French tickler before, but no doubt she will embrace them with enthusiasm once given a quick lesson. But what if she doesnt? There is a small chance she might think you are weird, in which case, you simply need to educate her so she is no longer afraid of the strange objects you wish to bring into the bedroom. The first step is to talk about it, especially if the toy is not standard issue vibrating material. How to introduce it: Ask her if you can use a toy on her. Or, next time you are giving her oral pleasure, add it in without her even seeing it. Other toys may need a better explanation, so just take care to explain the purpose of each toy, how it works and what she can expect. She doesnt want to feel like an uneducated sex toy klutz if she has never used one before.

Introducing light bondage

Kink factor: 3 out of 5 Yes, she has a view on this particular passtime even if she has never ever done it. She might think it is fun and sexy or she might think it is scary and weird. Just so you know, most women view this as sexy, not weird. But whatever her view, make sure you know what it is -- talk. You must always have permission. How to introduce it: Next time youre in the throes of passion, hold her wrists above her head or by her sides and tease her with your hands or mouth or a feather. Hold her wrists lightly so that when she tries to wriggle free, she cant move unless she pushes against you firmly. Tease her some more, and then whisper seductively in her ear: Can I tie you up and tease you until you have an orgasm/cant stand it any longer/want me to stop? Then, do your thing! Some guidelines: Dont both be tied up on the same occasion. If you are using rope, hemp is soft and wont burn. Cotton is good because its soft, but fraying may be a problem. Synthetic rope will probably give rope burn, so unless you enjoy the pain, give it a miss. Try pulling out some fluffy handcuffs or a scarf. Save the blindfolding for another day. Keep some blunt ended scissors handy and always check the temperature of tied-up body parts (hands, feet) in case the circulation is being cut off and they need to be released. Never refuse to release someone unless this is part of your sex game. If this is the case, use safe words. Never tie anything around someones neck. Some backside loving and a little bit of role play never hurt anyone Next Page >>


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Introducing anal sex

Kink factor: 4 out of 5 So you like it in reverse? Good for you. The problem is, she might be scared sh*tless of the idea. This makes your job extra hard: Not only do you have to remove all the old ideas, but you need to replace them with new, convincing ones. Your first port of call before embarking on an anal adventure is to know your bum business. This does not mean watching anal porn for tips on how to slam her. You need to have a clue what you are doing. Look up instructions on the net. How to introduce it: When you think you have a clue of how to do it properly, bring it up. A simple Have you ever had anal sex and enjoyed it? works. There are only two answers to this question. If the answers yes, ask if she would she like to do it again. If the answers no, ask if she would be brave enough to try it with you. Pull out your instructions and educate her. Every woman can enjoy anal sex if its done right. The orgasms are different, and can be quite intense. Pull out your instructions. Sell it to her. What not to do: It is not cool to just try to put it in by mistake. This is excruciatingly painful. Always have permission, and never pressure her. The trick is getting her to want it.

Introducing role play

Kink factor: 4 out of 5 You need to be careful with this one, because she may take your fantasy request the wrong way: She may think you are implying she isnt enough for you. The trick is all in the presentation. How to introduce it: To increase your chances of success, you need to make it sound like a really fun idea. Talk about it long before you want to do it, but make her role in the play seem exciting and sexy, so she can fully imagine herself dressed up to the nines, behaving like a secretary/princess/prostitute/whatever. You need to appeal to her imagination, so keep it humorous and light-hearted. Once you are fairly sure she is keen, organize it. Chicks love playing dress up! What not to do: Avoid anything to do with animals, rape or involving other people/people you know. Dont just pull out a ridiculously small maid outfit and expect her to put it on and polish your family jewels. It is highly possible that she doesnt want to be dressed as a maid, and that outfit you bought without her input is probably hideous and far too small. Dont be over keen to play dress up, because you can give her a complex. And yes, wearing her underwear for too long will make her question your sexuality.

coming out about a fetish

A fetish can be a strange thing to observe in somebody, and even stranger to observe in yourself. For those without a fetish, it is very hard to understand what its like to be aroused by an inanimate object that normally isnt associated with sex. If you have a fetish, denying it is futile. It is a part of who you are. The best thing you can do is to make sure you are totally comfortable with it yourself before sharing it with the person you love, if indeed you choose to share it. Some people keep it to themselves their whole lives, and it seems a shame that something you love so much has to be hidden. Fear of rejection is high on the list of reasons why not to tell, but if you are in a loving and healthy relationship, surely sharing a part of yourself can only make it stronger? If you are worried about sharing a fetish, you are certainly not alone. Before taking the leap, find a fetish community and talk to others about it and see what they have done, havent done or wished they had. Only you can decide if it is the right thing to do.

kink it up
Introducing your new lady friend to your preferred bedroom antics can be nerve wracking. This is with good reason -- she may not react well. Dont forget that you can get away with just about anything if you approach it in the right way -- discuss it, educate her, keep it light-hearted, and you may just get your wish. Women love to try new things and be kinky minxes, but it takes a little while for her to build up trust and confidence with a new man. The great thing about it is that you are her new man, and she is free to explore her sexuality. Use this newness to your advantage, but dont forget: Only fools rush in.

Their general health and mental welfare state plays an important role in determining their libido or sexual desire. Most middle-aged men lose their libido and this is mainly due to factors such as: 1. Reduced blood flow 2. Drop in testosterone levels 3. Increased levels of stress 4. Lack of physical activity 5. Obesity, etc. However, there are some natural libido enhancers that can help boost blood flow, increase production and stimulate secretion of nitric oxide so you can enjoy a healthy sex drive and strong. Natural Libido Enhancers for Men Ginseng Ginseng was discovered nearly 5,000 years ago and has since been used in several medicines to treat sexual and general health problems. One of the most important properties of this herb is that it helps increase blood circulation. This is precisely why it is very effective in increasing male libido. Not only that, but also helps reduce stress, which is a major killer in libido in both men and women. Gingko Ginkgo Biloba is also highly effective in increasing male libido. Not only acts as a tonic for the brain, but also helps increase blood flow to the extremities. Tribulus terrestris This herb is an excellent remedy to stimulate the production of testosterone naturally. Also called Puncture Vine and help stimulate the production of testosterone in his body. Increasing Testosterone helps increase male libido and has many benefits for health, as well as increasing resistance, muscle growth etc., Mucuna pruriens It is native to Brazil and is highly effective in treating impotence in men. Used as an aphrodisiac in much of South America and is clinically proven to increase male libido and erectile dysfunction correct. There are many other herbs such as the above which is used to make herbal supplements that can help men regain their libido and increase testosterone without side effects. High quality supplements are backed by approvals and endossos medical clinic. As for the male libido is concerned, testosterone is a hormone important. This is the hormone that controls sexual behavior and erectile function in men. Testosterone production is at its highest levels during puberty and early adulthood. However, testosterone levels with age I began to attend, especially after 30. There are other factors

that may exacerbate the loss of testosterone such as stress, obesity, lack of physical activity, etc. Here are some more natural libido enhancers for men can improve sexual desire and male testosterone without side effects of hormone replacement therapy: L-Arginine As always bear in mind, l-arginine is an amino acid. It can be very effective for improving the male libido and erectile function. This is because it helps in the secretion of nitric oxide that helps expand the blood vessels so that blood flow to the erectile tissue can be increased. It is important to note that the reduced blood circulation is a major cause of low libido and impotence in men. This is an amino acid that can do wonders for his erection and sexual potency. Stories is important because it plays a crucial role in the secretion of nitric oxide. The production of L-arginine decreases with age and many experts believe that this is responsible for many degenerative processes that are related to us mere fact of aging. Food sources of L-arginine including dairy and poultry, green leafy vegetables, meat, fish and nuts. You must include these foods in your diet, so your body can produce more quantity of this amino acid and increase the secretion of nitric oxide. Herbal supplements There are many herbal supplements specifically formulated to help men overcome the problems of libido. These supplements are a mixture of herbs and other nutrients such as L-arginine, ginseng, ginkgo, Tribulus terrestris, acai berries, etc. making long These supplements are increasingly popular among men increasingly opt for them. One of the most significant advantages is that these supplements have no side effect. However, you need to be cautious while buying an herbal supplement. Make sure it is clinically approved and recommended by doctors as well. Get more useful information on stop early ejaculation and low sex drive enhancer products. And also get remedies to increase low sex libido. Read More From adrianna smith

A guy may talk a big game and wear jeans that are tighter than Adam Levine's, but that doesn't mean he has what it takes to keep up with you in the sack...or get you knocked up when you're ready. The real signs of a highly sexual male are a lot more subtle and surprising. According to urologist Harry Fisch, the following six traits and behaviors indicate that a man is truly made for action.

He's Trim Around the Middle You've no doubt heard that a dude with a gut is more likely to keel over from a heart attack later in life, but it's also a bad sign in the sexual realm. Testosterone is broken down more quickly in belly fat. So that big stomach? It's literally sucking him dry of the stuff. "Testosterone is the gas that drives the car," Dr. Fisch says. "If it's low, he's going to be low on gas. He'll be tired, he's not going to be able to exercise very much, he's less likely to be in the mood, and his fertility will be lower because a guy needs a certain level of testosterone to produce sperm." Waist size is especially a concern if your guy is over 30, when metabolism slows and testosterone levels decrease by about 1 percent each year.

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Ikawe for Men By Native Remedies


Rose Otto
Rose water does not get the recognition it deserves! With all of its uses and benefits, it should be in every household, but it seems to be a well-kept secret. Rose water is a by-product made when producing rose oil, carrying with it a beautiful scent and natural healing properties. It is rich in vitamin C and vitamin A and it has antioxidants that helps to get rid of tired skin and give you a glowing complexion. Rose is a natural astringent with anti-inflammatory qualities, as well as being excellent for hydrating and rejuvenating the skin. Be creative with it and you have at your fingertips a myriad of uses and natural remedies.

For Your Face:

1. Use it as a natural facial toner because rose water helps to absorb excess oil from the skin without leaving a drying effect. Make your own by combining 1 1/4 cups of rose water, eight drops of glycerin and 3/4 cup of witch hazel in a dark glass bottle (this is important because you do not want light to affect the mixture). Shake the bottle well before use, and apply daily with cotton balls or swabs. Rose water toner is perfect to combat acne. 2. Apply rose water to your face to tighten pores and prevent wrinkles. Acting as an astringent with anti-inflammatory agents, the rose water will help reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. 3. It can be used as a gentle facial cleanser. Make your own by mixing one cup of rose water, 2 teaspoons of glycerin and 10 drops of rose essential oil. The essential oil will add to the cleansing properties of this rose water cleanser as well as help preserve it. 4. Men can use rose water as an aftershave to soothe irritated skin from shaving. 5. Rose water makes a GREAT makeup setting spray! Add it to a spray bottle and spritz lightly over your face. It will set your makeup and gave you a dewy finish for hours. 6. Use it to remove your makeup. Dab with a cotton swab and gently rub in a circular motion on the face until makeup is removed. 7. Dab on temples and eye area to ward off or soothe headaches.

8. Rose water helps to balance the pH of the skin, helping to control both dry and oily skin and can soothe many types of dermatitis.

For Your Skin:

1. For a light, refreshing perfume, add five drops of jasmine oil to a quarter cup of rose water. Store your perfume in a dark glass bottle with a tight-fitting lid to keep away from light. 2. Soothe a sunburn with rose water. Cool rose water spritzed on skin feels great, reduces puffiness and gently disinfects the skin, preventing infection and irritation. 3. Add rose water to a hot bath to help relax as well as trap moisture in the skin, making skin smoother and firmer.

For Your Hair:

1. Pour rose water over your head while showering/bathing as it can reduce inflammation of the scalp, increasing the blood supply to the scalp and promotes hair growth. 2. Rose water benefits the hair by acting as an excellent moisturizer. Mix some rose water in your shampoo and youll be left with conditioned and moisturized hair that smells great and is extremely soft to touch.

For Your Health:

1. Add rose water to bath water to relieve fatigue, produce a relaxing effect, improve your mood and lessen stress and depression. 2. Rinse with rose water to soothe a sore throat. 3. Soak a cotton ball soaked to treat inflamed glands. 4. A cotton swab soaked in rose water can be used for treating and relieving inflamed gums. Warm rose water can also be taken in your mouth for treating gums. Regular use of rose water helps in relieving and curing paining gums, strengthening of loose teeth and removes bad odor from the mouth.

For Your Home:

1. Use rose water spritzer as an air-freshener. 2. Spray rose water on counter tops to disinfectant bathrooms, on couches, carpets, etc.. 3. When cooking, rose water can be used in many dessert and baking recipes in place of vanilla extract.

Natural Ways to Color Hair

Because we all know dyes/bleach can cause damage to the hair, especially if you are relaxed...here are a few ways to naturally lighten/color your hair. These may take a few applications to get a noticeable color. You could always do a Hair Rinse, like Jazzy or Clairol..but from experience the only colors that showed were the Jet Black or Red. Cinnamon

If you have dark brown or black hair, cinnamon will give your hair a reddish/brownish tint. Make sure hair is damp..best to use on towel dried hair Mix Cinnamon Powder and Conditioner in a bowl-There isn't an exact amount of powder you should add, but I would say at least 2-3 table spoons. The mixture should be enough to coat hair from root to tips. Apply Mixture to Hair in sections from root to tip Wrap Hair with Saran Wrap or a Plastic Cap Let sit for at least 4-6 hours, best to leave in overnight Wash out with Shampoo and follow normal wash day routine. Honey & Cinnamon If you have dark hair, this will give a lighter brown highlight to your hair. Make Sure hair is damp- Best to use on Towel dried hair Mix 3/4 cup of honey, 2 table spoons of Cinnamon with 1.5 cups of conditioner Apply to hair in sections, root to tip Wrap Hair with Saran Wrap or a Plastic Cap Let sit for 8 hours Wash out Coffee If you have lighter hair, this will turn your hair a darker brown color. If you have jet black hair, this will give your hair dark brown highlights. *Use the darkest roast possible *Brew about 2-3 cups of coffee first After washing hair, pour the brewed coffee all through your hair. Cover hair with a plastic cap Let sit for 2 hours Rinse out Follow up with a deep conditioning treatment because this may be drying to the hair or after pouring the coffee on hair, put some deep conditioner on top of it and let sit, then wash out as normal Henna Henna will give your hair a reddish tint most visible in the sun after 1-2 application, but after a various applications, may be more visible in general. *Make sure you use 100% BAQ Henna
Make your own rose water or oil at home with this method. You can make other herb extracts as well. You will need a lot of ice for this project, so plan ahead. Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 3 hours

Total Time: 3 hours, 15 minutes Ingredients:

Clean rose petals or herbs (grown without pesticides) Water Ice

Preparation: You can make rose water (or any other herb) and extracts at home with a bit of time and patience. Place a heavy glass ramekin into a deep stockpot. Fill the ramekin 3/4 full with water to weigh it down. Place rose petals or herbs around the exterior of the ramekin in the bottom of the pot and cover with water halfway up the side of the ramekin. Place a shallow soup bowl on top of the ramekin. Bring the water and rose petals to a boil. Lower heat to simmer. Place a stainless steel bowl on top of the stockpot. It should be large enough to seal the pot, but shallow enough so that its bottom is above the top level of the soup bowl. Fill the top bowl with ice. Simmer the mixture 3 to 4 hours, depending on the amount. As the mixture boils, the heat rises and hits the cold bowl, causing it to condense and drip down into the inner bowl. Replace ice as needed as it melts. When done, the small bowl will contain the rose water (or herb water). It will have a layer of rose oil (or herb oil) that is the essential oil or extract. The oil may be separated from the water.

Be sure you have a brick and heat-safe stainless steel or glass quart bowl ready before you begin. Ingredients: 2-3 quarts fresh roses or rose petals Water Ice cubes or crushed ice 1. In the center of a large pot (the speckled blue canning pots are ideal) with an inverted lid (a rounded lid), place a fireplace brick. On top of the brick place the bowl. Put the roses in the pot; add enough flowers to reach the top of the brick. Pour in just enough water to cover the roses. The water should be just above the top of the brick. 2. Place the lid upside down on the pot. Turn on the stove and bring the water to a rolling boil, then lower heat to a slow steady simmer. As soon as the water begins to boil, toss two or three trays of ice cubes (or a bag of ice) on top of the lid. 3. Youve now created a home still! As the water boils the steam rises, hits the top of the cold lid, and condenses. As it condenses it flows to the center of the lid and drops into the bowl. Every 20 minutes, quickly lift the lid and take out a tablespoon or two of the rose water. Its time to stop when you have between a pint and a quart of water that smells and tastes strongly like roses

Essential oils that increase sex drive thru pheromone like action includes:

1. Angelica. This is also useful in stimulating depleted libido in women who are encountering menopause, heavy or painful periods and anemia. 2. Ambrette 3. Benzoin 4. Clary-sage. This warms the body while encouraging vitality and creativity. 5. Cumin 6. Mace 7. Nutmeg 8. Patchouli 9. Pimento Berry 10. Sandalwood 11. Vetiver
Essential oils that provide strong erotic effect because of its warmth:

1. 2. 3. 4.

Black Pepper Cardamon Cinnamon. This is used to provide scent to the air and are sprinkled in beds before lovemaking Ginger. This provides feelings of warmth and love. It also increases endurance.

Essential oils used in increasing libido caused by anxiety, lack of mood and confidence, and restlessness:

1. Geranium 2. Rose. This is recommended for women who lack orgasm because of its sensual scent. It is known to elevate libido thereby promoting compassion and love. 3. Ylang-ylang. This oil relaxes and uplifts an individuals sexual drive 4. Jasmine. This boosts sex drive by stimulating release of pheromones. It also combats frigidity and impotence.
How to use essential oils? As simple as it seems, essentials oils used in aromatherapy are used with caution. It is now applied directly to the skin especially with the ones that are concentrated. It is always diluted first before use. Depending on the essential oil used, 1 to 2 drops is enough. You can use a cloth, placing a few drops and hold it near your nose. Steam inhalation is also used. If you prefer using it in bathwater, a few drops is recommended diluted with carrier oil. One of the most effective ways to achieve the full effect of aromatherapy in increasing sex drive is to massage the oil into the skin using carrier oil. Pregnant women is reminded to avoid massaging jasmine oil on the skin. Another ancient way of using essential oil is putting a drop in bed sheets before lovemaking. You can also go to a Jacuzzi or spa for an aromatherapy treatment.

Aromatherapy has been used since ancient time to improve sexual drive, increase libido and obtain satisfying sex. Today, it is recommended by sexologists before going to the more invasive ways like medication and surgery to treat low libido or hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). Aside from its availability and affordability, aromatherapy is essential in treating low libido in women. Aside from aromatherapy that can be used in treating low female libido, female libido enhancers will also help. An example of which is a supplement named Provestra. Just like aromatherapy oils, the ingredients in Provestra target the root cause of the problem. This in turn will cause you to have a more satisfying sexual encounter with your partner. Grab one now and see the results for yourself.

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