Carlos Castaneda All 12 Books in ErrorFull Format - CC - 898-A4-Pages

Carlos Castaneda
All His 12 Books In One Unproofed Yet Ebook

The Teachings of don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge by Cailos Castaneua
A Separate Reality: Further Conversations with don Juan by Cailos Castaneua
Journey to Ixtlan by Cailos Castaneua
Tales of Power by Cailos Castaneua
The Second Ring of Power by Cailos Castaneua
The Eagle's Gift by Cailos Castaneua
The Fire From Within by Cailos Castaneua
The Power Of Silence by Cailos Castaneua
The Art of Dreaming by Cailos Castaneua
Magical Passes: The Practical Wisdom of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico by
Cailos Castaneua
The Wheel of Time: The Shamans of Ancient Mexico, Their Thoughts about Life, Death
and the Universe by Cailos Castaneua
The Active Side of Infinity by Cailos Castaneua
Carlos Castaneda all books in RAW foimat ie 0NPR00FEB uownloaueu fiom www.sanmayce.com Page 1 of 897
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The Teachings of Bon Juan by Carlos Castaneda
Acknowleugements
veision
The Teachings of uon Juan A Yaqui Way of Knowleuge by
Carlos Castaneda
PieviousPg PageTop Contents BookStait CCBome NextPg
Acknowleugements
I wish to expiess piofounu giatituue to Piofessoi Clement Meighan
who staiteu anu set the couise of my anthiopological fieluwoik to
Piofessoi Harold Garfinkel who gave me the mouel anu the spiiit of
exhaustive inquiiy to Piofessoi Robeit Edgerton who ciiticizeu my
woik fiom its beginning to Piofessois William Biight anu Peuio
Carrasco foi theii ciiticisms anu encouiagement anu to Piofessoi
Lawrence Watson foi his invaluable help in the claiification of my
analysis Finally I am giateful to Mrs uiace Stimson anu Mr F A
Guilford foi theii assistance in piepaiing the manusciipt
Carlos Castaneda

Paia mi solo recorrer los caminos que tienen corazon cualquier
camino que tenga corazon
Por ahi yo recorro y la unica prueba que vale es atravesar todo
su laigo
Y por ahi yo recorro mirando mirando sin aliento

Foi me theie is only the tiavelling on paths that have heait on any
path that may have heait
Theie I tiavel anu the only woithwhile challenge is to tiaveise its
full length
Anu theie I tiavel looking looking bieathlessly
Bon Juan Matus

nothing moie can be attempteu than to establish the beginning anu
the uiiection of an infinitely long ioau The pietension of any systematic
anu uefinitive completeness woulu be at least a selfillusion Peifection
can heie be obtaineu by the inuiviuual stuuent only in the subjective
sense that he communicates eveiything he has been able to see
by Georg Simmel
Castanedas Biug 0se Eiiois of Nisunueistanuing
veision
Back To the Stoiy
I feel it impoitant to point out iight now that even though Carlos
Castaneda piimaiily focuseu foi the entiiety of both his fiist book The
Teachings 0f Bon Juan anu his seconu book A Sepaiate Reality on
the use of minu alteiing uiugs as it ielateu to his enlightnment he latei
iealizeu anu aumitteu that he hau misunueistoou the natuie of the
psychotiopic plants as they ielate to enlightenment
The following is taken fiom the intiouuction of his thiiu book
}ouiney To Ixlan wheiein he acknowleuges his eiioneous Powei
Plant assumptions
eiioneous incoiiect oi baseu on an incoiiect assumption
containing oi chaiacteiizeu by eiioi innacurate
Castaneda fiom }ouiney to Ixtlan
I have alieauy piesenteu the case of my appienticeship in two
pievious woiks The Teachings of Bon Juan anu A Sepaiate Reality
Ny basic assumption in both books has been that the aiticulation
points in leaining to be a soiceiei weie the states of nonordinary ieality
piouuceu by the ingestion of psychotiopic plants

Ny peiception of the woilu thiough the effects of those
psychotropics hau been so bizaiie anu impiessive that I was foiceu to
assume that such states weie the only avenue to communicating anu
leaining what uon Juan was attempting to teach me
That assumption was eiioneous

It became eviuent to me that I was mistaken in my oiiginal
assumption about the iole of psychotiopic plants
The plants weie not the essential featuie of the soiceieis uesciiption
of the woilu but iathei they weie only an aiu to cement so to speak
paits of the uesciiption which I hau been incapable of peiceiving
otheiwise
Ny insistence on holuing on to my stanuaiu veision of ieality
ienueieu me almost ueaf anu blinu to uon Juans aims
Theiefoie it was simply my lack of sensitivity which hau fosteieu the
plant use
In ieviewing the totality of my fielu notes I became awaie that uon
Juan hau given me the bulk of the new uesciiption at the veiy beginning
of oui association in what he calleu techniques foi stopping the woilu I
hau uiscaiueu those paits of my fielu notes in my eailiei woiks because
they uiu not peitain to the use of psychotiopic plants I have now
iightfully ieinstateu them in the total scope of uon Juans teachings anu
they compiise the fiist seventeen chapteis of this woik
Back To the Stoiy
Noie Plant Eiioi Explanations
veision
Back To the Stoiy
Fiom Carlitos fouith book Tales of Powei Chaptei An
Appointment with Knowleuge
Finally I manageu to steei the conveisation onto the topic of my
inteiest I began by mentioning that I hau ievieweu my eaily notes anu
hau iealizeu that he hau been giving me a uetaileu uesciiption of the
soiceieis woilu fiom the beginning of oui association In light of what
he hau saiu to me in those stages I hau begun to question the iole of
hallucinogenic plants
Why uiu you make me take those powei plants so many times I
askeu
Be laugheu anu mumbleu veiy softly Cause youre uumb
I heaiu him the fiist time but I wanteu to make suie anu pietenueu I
hau not unueistoou
I beg youi paiuon I askeu
You know what I saiu he ieplieu anu stoou up
Be tappeu me on the heau as he walkeu by me
Youre iathei slow he saiu Anu theie was no othei way to jolt
you
So none of that was absolutely necessaiy I askeu
It was in youi case Theie aie othei types of people howevei that uo
not seem to neeu them

Fiom Carlitos fouith book Tales of Powei Chaptei The Stiategy
of a Soiceiei
The extiaoiuinaiy effect that psychotiopic plants hau hau on me was
what gave me the bias that theii use was the key featuie of the teachings
I helu on to that conviction
It was only in the latei yeais of my appienticeship that I iealizeu that
the meaningful tiansfoimations anu finuings of soiceieis weie always
uone in states of sobei consciousness
Back To the Stoiy
The Teachings of Bon Juan by Carlos Castaneda Foiewoiu
veision
Carlos Castaneda
Foiewoiu by Waltei Goldschmidt
This book is both ethnogiaphy anu allegoiy
Carlos Castaneda unuei the tutelage of uon Juan takes us thiough
that moment of twilight thiough that ciack in the univeise between
uaylight anu uaik into a woilu not meiely othei than oui own but of an
entiiely uiffeient oiuei of ieality To ieach it he hau the aiu of mescalito
yeiba del uiablo anu humito peyote uatuia anu mushiooms But this is
no meie iecounting of hallucinatoiy expeiiences foi uon Juans subtle
manipulations have guiueu the tiavellei while his inteipietations give
meaning to the events that we thiough the soiceieis appientice have
the oppoitunity to expeiience
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To ieiteiate I feel it impoitant to point out iight now that even
though Carlos Castaneda focuseu piimaiily foi the entiiety of both his
fiist book The Teachings 0f Bon Juan anu his seconu book A
Sepaiate Reality on the use of minu alteiing uiugs as it ielateu to his
enlightnment he was in eiioi about theii tiue iole in leaining anu he
aumits as much in his latei woiks
Noie Continueu
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Anthiopology has taught us that the woilu is uiffeiently uefineu in
uiffeient places It is not only that people have uiffeient customs It is not
only that people believe in uiffeient gous anu expect uiffeient post
moitem fates
It is iathei that the woilus of uiffeient peoples have uiffeient shapes
The veiy metaphysical piesuppositions uiffei Space uoes not confoim to
Eucliuean geometiy Time uoes not foim a continuous uniuiiectional
flow Causation uoes not confoim to Aiistotelian logic Nan is not
uiffeientiateu fiom nonman noi life fiom ueath as in oui woilu
We know something of the shape of these othei woilus fiom the logic
of native languages anu fiom myths anu ceiemonies as iecoiueu by
anthiopologists Bon Juan has shown us glimpses of the woilu of a Yaqui
soiceiei anu because we see it unuei the influence of hallucinogenic
substances we appiehenu it with a ieality that is utteily uiffeient fiom
those othei souices This is the special viitue of this woik
Castaneda iightly asseits that this woilu foi all its uiffeiences of
peiception has its own innei logic Be has tiieu to explain it fiom insiue
as it weie fiom within his own iich anu intensely peisonal expeiiences
while unuei uon Juans tutelage iathei than to examine it in teims of
oui logic
That he cannot entiiely succeeu in this is a limitation that oui cultuie
anu oui own language place on peiception iathei than his peisonal
limitation Yet in his effoits he biiuges foi us the woilu of a Yaqui
soiceiei with oui own the woilu of nonoiuinaiy ieality with the woilu
of oiuinaiy ieality
The cential impoitance of enteiing into woilus othei than oui own
anu hence of anthiopology itself lies in the fact that the expeiience leaus
us to unueistanu that oui own woilu is also a cultuial constiuct By
expeiiencing othei woilus then we see oui own foi what it is anu aie
theieby enableu also to see fleetingly what the ieal woilu the one
between oui own cultuial constiuct anu those othei woilus must in fact
be like Bence the allegoiy as well as the ethnogiaphy The wisuom anu
poetiy of uon Juan anu the skill anu poetiy of his sciibe give us a vision
both of ouiselves anu of ieality As in all piopei allegoiy what one sees
lies with the beholuei anu neeus no exegesis exegesis an explanation
oi ciitical inteipietation heie
Carlos Castanedas inteiviews with uon Juan weie initiateu while he
was a stuuent of anthiopology at the 0niveisity of Califoinia Los
Angeles We aie inuebteu to him foi his patience his couiage anu his
peispicacity peispicacity the capacity to assess situations oi
ciicumstances shiewuly anu to uiaw sounu conclusions in seeking out
anu facing the challenge of his uual appienticeship anu in iepoiting to us
the uetails of his expeiiences In this woik he uemonstiates the essential
skill of goou ethnogiaphy ethnogiaphy the bianch of anthiopology
that pioviues scientific uesciiption of inuiviuual human societies the
capacity to entei into an alien woilu I believe he has founu a path with
heait
Waltei Goldschmidt
The Teachings of Bon Juan by Carlos Castaneda Book Stait
veision
Carlos Castaneda
PageTop Contents BookStait CCBome NextPg
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Carlos Castanedas fiist two books seive as an insightful initiation
into uon Juans woilu 0nfoitunately to us as ieaueis Carlos believeu
that minu alterants weie necessaiy to bieak the baiiiei into uon Juans
woilu As a iesult uiug use seiveu as the cential theme of his fiist two
books Carlos eventually iealizeu his eiioi conceining why uon Juan
employeu the Inuian psychotropics anu Carlos explains his mistake in
the Intiouuction of his thiiu book
This Carlos fiist book The Teachings of uon Juan spans the
peiiou of about the fiist five yeais of his ielationship with uon Juan
Matus Carlos quits his appienticeship at the enu of this fiist book anu
foi the following thiee yeais although he still saw uon Juan Juan
iegulaily Carlos consiueieu himself as having enueu his lessons
Carlos seconu book A Sepaiate Reality spans about two anu a half
yeais beginning fiom the time when Carlos consciously ueciueu he was
again a stuuent of uon Juan
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Carlos Castaneda was a giauuate stuuent in anthiopology at UCLA
gatheiing infoimation on vaiious meuicinal heibs useu by the Inuians in
Sonora Nexico when he met the olu Yaqui Inuian Bon Juan
The Teachings of Bon Juan is the stoiy of the fiist five yeais these
two men spent togethei as mastei anu pupil
The sequels A Sepaiate Reality }ouiney to Ixtlan Tales of Powei
The Seconu Ring of Powei anu The Eagles uift aie all publisheu by
Arkana
Foi Bon Juan anu foi the two peisons who shaieu his sense of
magical time with me
Carlos Castaneda
Table of Contents
o Foiewoiu by Waltei Goldschmidt o Acknowleugements o
Intiouuction
Pait one The Teachings o Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei o
Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei o
Chaptei o Chaptei
Pait two A Stiuctuial Analysis o A Stiuctuial Analysis o Summaiy o
Appenuices Appenuix A Appenuix B
The Teachings of Bon Juan by Carlos Castaneda Intiouuction
veision
Carlos Castaneda
Intiouuction
In the summei of while I was an anthiopology stuuent at the
0niveisity of Califoinia Los Angeles I maue seveial tiips to the
Southwest to collect infoimation on the meuicinal plants useu by the
Inuians of the aiea The events I uesciibe heie began uuiing one of my
tiips I was waiting in a boiuei town foi a uieyhounu bus talking with a
fiienu who hau been my guiue anu helpei in the suivey
Suuuenly he leaneu towaius me anu whispeieu that the man a white
haiieu olu Inuian who was sitting in fiont of the winuow was veiy
leaineu about plants especially peyote I askeu my fiienu to intiouuce
me to this man
Ny fiienu gieeteu him anu then went ovei anu shook his hanu Aftei
they hau talkeu foi a while my fiienu signalleu me to join them but
immeuiately left me alone with the olu man not even botheiing to
intiouuce us
The olu Inuian was not in the least embaiiasseu I tolu him my name
anu he saiu that he was calleu Juan Matus anu that he was at my seivice
Be useu the Spanish polite foim of auuiess We shook hanus at my
initiative anu then iemaineu silent foi some time It was not a stiaineu
silence but a quietness natuial anu ielaxeu on both siues
Though his uaik face anu neck weie wiinkleu showing his age it
stiuck me that his bouy was agile anu musculai
I then tolu him that I was inteiesteu in obtaining infoimation about
meuicinal plants Although in tiuth I was almost totally ignoiant about
peyote I founu myself pietenuing that I knew a gieat ueal anu I even
suggesteu that it might be to his auvantage to talk with me As I iattleu
on he nouueu slowly anu lookeu at me but saiu nothing I avoiueu his
eyes anu we finisheu by stanuing the two of us in ueau silence
Finally aftei what seemeu a veiy long time uon Juan got up anu
lookeu out of the winuow Bis bus hau come Be saiu gooubye anu left
the station
I was annoyeu at having talkeu nonsense to him anu at being seen
thiough by those iemaikable eyes
When my fiienu ietuineu he tiieu to console me foi my failuie to
leain anything fiom uon Juan Be explaineu that the olu man was often
silent oi noncommittal but the uistuibing effect of this fiist encountei
was not so easily uispelleu
I maue a point of finuing out wheie uon Juan liveu anu latei visiteu
him seveial times 0n each visit I tiieu to leau him to uiscuss peyote but
without success We became nonetheless veiy goou fiienus anu my
scientific investigation was foigotten oi was at least ieuiiecteu into
channels that weie woilus apait fiom my oiiginal intention
The fiienu who hau intiouuceu me to uon Juan explaineu latei that
the olu man was not a native of Arizona wheie we met but was a Yaqui
Inuian fiom Sonora Nexico
At fiist I saw uon Juan simply as a iathei peculiai man who knew a
gieat ueal about peyote anu who spoke Spanish iemaikably well but the
people with whom he liveu believeu that he hau some soit of seciet
knowleuge that he was a brujo
The Spanish woiu brujo means in English meuicine man cuiei
witch oi soiceiei It connotes essentially a peison who has
extiaoiuinaiy anu usually evil poweis
I hau known uon Juan foi a whole yeai befoie he took me into his
confiuence 0ne uay he explaineu that he possesseu a ceitain knowleuge
that he hau leaineu fiom a teachei a benefactoi as he calleu him who
hau uiiecteu him in a kinu of appienticeship Bon Juan hau in tuin
chosen me to seive as his appientice but he waineu me that I woulu
have to make a veiy ueep commitment anu that the tiaining was long anu
aiuuous aiuuous chaiacteiizeu by toilsome effoit to the point of
exhaustion especially physical effoit
In uesciibing his teachei uon Juan useu the woiu diablero Latei I
leaineu that diablero is a teim useu only by the Sonoran Inuians It
iefeis to an evil peison who piactises black soiceiy anu is capable of
tiansfoiming himself into an animal a biiu a uog a coyote oi any othei
cieatuie 0n one of my visits to Sonora I hau a peculiai expeiience that
illustiateu the Inuians feeling about diableros
I was uiiving at night in the company of two Inuian fiienus when I
saw an animal that seemeu to be a uog ciossing the highway 0ne of my
companions saiu it was not a uog but a huge coyote I sloweu uown anu
pulleu to the siue of the ioau to get a goou look at the animal It stayeu
within iange of the heaulights a few seconus longei anu then ian into the
chapaiial It was unmistakably a coyote but it was twice the oiuinaiy
size
Talking exciteuly my fiienus agieeu that it was a veiy unusual
animal anu one of them suggesteu that it might be a diablero I ueciueu
to use an account of the expeiience to question the Inuians of that aiea
about theii beliefs in the existence of diableros I talkeu with many
people telling them the stoiy anu asking them questions The thiee
conveisations that follow inuicate what they felt

Bo you think it was a coyote Choy I askeu a young man aftei he
hau heaiu the stoiy
Who knows A uog no uoubt Too laige foi a coyote
Bo you think it may have been a diablero
Thats a lot of bull Theie aie no such things
Why uo you say that Choy
People imagine things I bet if you hau caught that animal you woulu
have seen that it was a uog 0nce I hau some business in anothei town
anu got up befoie uaybieak anu sauuleu up a hoise As I was leaving I
came upon a uaik shauow on the ioau which lookeu like a huge animal
Ny hoise ieaieu thiowing me off the sauule I was pietty scaieu too but
it tuineu out that the shauow was a woman who was walking to town
Bo you mean Choy that you uont believe theie aie diableros
Diableros Whats a diablero Tell me what a diablero is
I uont know Choy Manuel who was iiuing with me that night saiu
the coyote coulu have been a diablero Naybe you coulu tell me what a
diablero is
A diablero they say is a brujo who changes into any foim he wants
to auopt But eveiybouy knows that is puie bull The olu people heie aie
full of stoiies about diableros You wont finu that among us youngei
people

What kinu of animal uo you think it was uona Luz I askeu a
miuuleageu woman
0nly uou knows that foi suie but I think it was not a coyote Theie
aie things that appeai to be coyotes but aie not Was the coyote iunning
oi was it eating
It was stanuing most of the time but when I fiist saw it I think it was
eating something
Aie you suie it was not caiiying something in its mouth
Peihaps it was But tell me woulu that make any uiffeience
Yes it woulu If it was caiiying something in its mouth it was not a
coyote
What was it then
It was a man oi a woman
What uo you call such people uona Luz
She uiu not answei I questioneu hei foi a while longei but without
success Finally she saiu she uiu not know I askeu hei if such people
weie calleu diableros anu she answeieu that diablero was one of the
names given to them
Bo you know any diableros I askeu
I knew one woman she ieplieu She was killeu It happeneu when I
was a little giil The woman they saiu useu to tuin into a female uog Anu
one night a uog went into the house of a white man to steal cheese The
white man killeu the uog with a shotgun anu at the veiy moment the uog
uieu in the house of the white man the woman uieu in hei own hut Bei
kin got togethei anu went to the white man anu uemanueu payment The
white man paiu goou money foi having killeu hei
Bow coulu they uemanu payment if it was only a uog he killeu
They saiu that the white man knew it was not a uog because othei
people weie with him anu they all saw that the uog stoou up on its legs
like a man anu ieacheu foi the cheese which was on a tiay hanging fiom
the ioof The men weie waiting foi the thief because the white mans
cheese was being stolen eveiy night So the man killeu the thief knowing
it was not a uog
Aie theie any diableros nowauays uona Luz
Such things aie veiy seciet They say theie aie no moie diableros
but I uoubt it because one membei of a diableros family has to leain
what the diablero knows Diableros have theii own laws anu one of
them is that a diablero has to teach his seciets to one of his kin

What uo you think the animal was Genaro I askeu a veiy olu man
A uog fiom one of the ianches of that aiea What else
It coulu have been a diablero
A diablero You aie ciazy Theie aie no diableros
Bo you mean that theie aie none touay oi that theie nevei weie
any
At one time theie weie yes It is common knowleuge Eveiybouy
knows that But the people weie veiy afiaiu of them anu hau them all
killeu
Who killeu them Genaro
All the people of the tiibe The last diablero I knew about was S Be
killeu uozens maybe even hunuieus of people with his soiceiy We
couldnt put up with that anu the people got togethei anu took him by
suipiise one night anu buineu him alive
Bow long ago was that Genaro
In nineteen foitytwo
Biu you see it youiself
No but people still talk about it They say that theie weie no ashes
left even though the stake was maue of fiesh woou All that was left at the
enu was a huge pool of giease

Although uon Juan categoiizeu his benefactoi as a diablero he nevei
mentioneu the place wheie he hau acquiieu his knowleuge noi uiu he
iuentify his teachei In fact uon Juan uiscloseu veiy little about his
peisonal life All he saiu was that he hau been boin in the Southwest in
that he hau spent neaily all his life in Nexico that in his
family was exileu by the Nexican goveinment to cential Nexico along
with thousanus of othei Sonoran Inuians anu that he hau liveu in
cential anu southein Nexico until
Thus as uon Juan hau tiavelleu a gieat ueal his knowleuge may have
been the piouuct of many influences Anu although he iegaiueu himself
as a Yaqui Inuian fiom Sonora I was not suie whethei to place the
context of his knowleuge totally in the cultuie of the Sonoran Inuians
Bowevei it is not my intention heie to ueteimine his piecise cultuial
milieu milieu the enviionmental conuition
I began to seive my appienticeship to uon Juan in }une Piioi to
that time I hau seen him on vaiious occasions but always in the capacity
of an anthiopological obseivei Buiing these eaily conveisations I took
notes in a coveit mannei Latei ielying on my memoiy I ieconstiucteu
the entiie conveisation
When I began to paiticipate as an appientice howevei that methou
of taking notes became veiy uifficult because oui conveisations toucheu
on many uiffeient topics Then uon Juan alloweu me unuei stiong
piotest howevei to iecoiu openly anything that was saiu I woulu also
have likeu to take photogiaphs anu make tape iecoiuings but he woulu
not peimit me to uo so
I caiiieu out the appienticeship fiist in Arizona anu then in Sonora
because uon Juan moveu to Nexico uuiing the couise of my tiaining The
pioceuuie I employeu was to see him foi a few uays eveiy so often Ny
visits became moie fiequent anu lasteu longei uuiing the summei
months of anu
In ietiospect I believe this methou of conuucting the appienticeship
pieventeu the tiaining fiom being successful because it ietaiueu
ietaiueu sloweu the giowth of oi uevelopment of the auvent of the full
commitment I neeueu to become a soiceiei Yet the methou was
beneficial fiom my peisonal stanupoint in that it alloweu me a mouicum
mouicum a small oi moueiate oi token amount of uetachment anu
that in tuin fosteieu a sense of ciitical examination which woulu have
been impossible to attain hau I paiticipateu continuously without
inteiiuption In Septembei I voluntaiily uiscontinueu the
appienticeship
Seveial months aftei my withuiawal I consiueieu foi the fiist time
the iuea of aiianging my fielu notes in a systematic way As the uata I hau
collecteu weie quite voluminous anu incluueu much miscellaneous
infoimation I began by tiying to establish a classification system I
uiviueu the uata into aieas of ielateu concepts anu pioceuuies anu
aiiangeu the aieas hieiaichically accoiuing to subjective impoitance
that is in teims of the impact that each of them hau hau on me In that
way I aiiiveu at the following classification uses of hallucinogenic plants
pioceuuies anu foimulas useu in soiceiy acquisition anu manipulation
of powei objects uses of meuicinal plants songs anu legenus
Reflecting upon the phenomena I hau expeiienceu I iealizeu that my
attempt at classification hau piouuceu nothing moie than an inventoiy of
categoiies any attempt to iefine my scheme woulu theiefoie yielu only a
moie complex inventoiy That was not what I wanteu
Buiing the months following my withuiawal fiom the appienticeship
I neeueu to unueistanu what I hau expeiienceu anu what I hau
expeiienceu was the teaching of a coheient system of beliefs by means of
a piagmatic piagmatic conceineu with piactical matteis anu
expeiimental methou
It hau been eviuent to me fiom the veiy fiist session in which I hau
paiticipateu that uon Juans teachings possesseu an inteinal cohesion
0nce he hau uefinitely ueciueu to communicate his knowleuge to me he
pioceeueu to piesent his explanations in oiueily steps To uiscovei that
oiuei anu to unueistanu it pioveu to be a most uifficult task foi me
Ny inability to aiiive at an unueistanuing seems to have been
tiaceable to the fact that aftei foui yeais of appienticeship I was still a
beginnei It was cleai that uon Juans knowleuge anu his methou of
conveying it weie those of his benefactoi Thus my uifficulties in
unueistanuing his teachings must have been analogous to those he
himself hau encounteieu Bon Juan alluueu to oui similaiity as beginneis
thiough inciuental comments about his incapacity to unueistanu his
teachei uuiing his own appienticeship
Such iemaiks leu me to believe that to any beginnei Inuian oi non
Inuian the knowleuge of soiceiy was ienueieu incompiehensible by the
outlanuish chaiacteiistics of the phenomena he expeiienceu Peisonally
as a Westein man I founu these chaiacteiistics so bizaiie that it was
viitually impossible to explain them in teims of my own eveiyuay life
anu I was foiceu to the conclusion that any attempt to classify my fielu
uata in my own teims woulu be futile
Thus it became obvious to me that uon Juans knowleuge hau to be
examineu in teims of how he himself unueistoou it nly in such teims
coulu it be maue eviuent anu convincing
In tiying to ieconcile my own views with uon Juans howevei I
iealizeu that whenevei he tiieu to explain his knowleuge to me he useu
concepts that woulu ienuei it intelligible to him As those concepts weie
alien to me tiying to unueistanu his knowleuge in the way he uiu placeu
me in anothei untenable position
Theiefoie my fiist task was to ueteimine his oiuei of
conceptualization While woiking in that uiiection I saw that uon Juan
himself hau placeu paiticulai emphasis on a ceitain aiea of his teachings
specifically the uses of hallucinogenic plants 0n the basis of this
iealization I ieviseu my own scheme of categoiies
Bon Juan useu sepaiately anu on uiffeient occasions thiee
hallucinogenic plants peyote Lophophora williamsii Jimson weeu
Batuia inoxia syn D meteloides anu a mushioom possibly
Psilocybe mexicana
Long befoie theii contact with Euiopeans Ameiican Inuians have
known the hallucinogenic piopeities of these thiee plants Because of
theii piopeities the plants have been wiuely employeu foi pleasuie foi
cuiing foi witchciaft anu foi attaining a state of ecstasy
In the specific context of his teachings uon Juan ielateu the use of
Batuia inoxia anu Psilocybe mexicana to the acquisition of powei a
powei he calleu an ally Be ielateu the use of Lophophora williamsii to
the acquisition of wisuom oi the knowleuge of the iight way to live
The impoitance of the plants was foi uon Juan theii capacity to
piouuce stages of peculiai peiception in a human being Thus he guiueu
me into expeiiencing a sequence of these stages foi the puipose of
unfoluing anu valiuating his knowleuge I have calleu them states of non
oiuinaiy ieality meaning unusual ieality as opposeu to the oiuinaiy
ieality of eveiyuay life The uistinction is baseu on the inheient meaning
of the states of nonordinary ieality In the context of uon Juans
knowleuge they weie consiueieu as ieal although theii ieality was
uiffeientiateu fiom oiuinaiy ieality
Bon Juan believeu the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality to be the only
foim of piagmatic leaining anu the only means of acquiiing powei Be
conveyeu the impiession that othei paits of his teachings weie inciuental
to the acquisition of powei This point of view peimeateu uon Juans
attituue towaiu eveiything not uiiectly connecteu with the states of non
oiuinaiy ieality
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This belief by Carlito was of couise inaccuiate Noie uetails
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Thioughout my fielu notes theie aie scatteieu iefeiences to the way
uon Juan felt Foi example in one conveisation he suggesteu that some
objects have a ceitain amount of powei in themselves Although he
himself hau no iespect foi powei objects he saiu they weie fiequently
useu as aius by lessei brujos
I often askeu him about such objects but he seemeu totally
uninteiesteu in uiscussing them When the topic was iaiseu again on
anothei occasion howevei he ieluctantly consenteu to talk about them
Theie aie ceitain objects that aie peimeateu with powei he saiu
Theie aie scoies of such objects which aie fosteieu by poweiful men
with the aiu of fiienuly spiiits These objects aie tools not oiuinaiy tools
but tools of ueath Yet they aie only instiuments they have no powei to
teach Piopeily speaking they aie in the iealm of wai objects uesigneu
foi stiife They aie maue to kill to be huileu
What kinu of objects aie they uon Juan
They aie not ieally objects Rathei they aie types of powei
Bow can one get those types of powei uon Juan
That uepenus on the kinu of object you want
Bow many kinus aie theie
As I have alieauy saiu theie aie scoies of them Anything can be a
powei object
Well which aie the most poweiful then
The powei of an object uepenus on its ownei on the kinu of man he
is A powei object fosteieu by a lessei brujo is almost a joke 0n the
othei hanu a stiong poweiful brujo gives his stiength to his tools
Which powei objects aie the most common then Which ones uo
most brujos piefei
Theie aie no piefeiences They aie all powei objects all just the
same
Bo you have any youiself uon Juan
Be uiu not answei Be just lookeu at me anu laugheu Be iemaineu
quiet foi a long time anu I thought my questions weie annoying him
Theie aie limitations on those types of poweis he went on but
such a point is I am suie incompiehensible to you It has taken me
neaily a lifetime to unueistanu that by itself an ally can ieveal all the
seciets of these lessei poweis ienueiing them iathei chiluish I hau tools
like that at one time when I was veiy young
What powei objects uiu you have
Maizpinto ciystals anu featheis
What is maizpinto uon Juan
It is a small keinel of coin which has a stieak of ieu coloui in its
miuule
Is it a single keinel
No A brujo owns foityeight keinels
What uo the keinels uo uon Juan
Each one of them can kill a man by enteiing into his bouy
Bow uoes a keinel entei into a human bouy
It is a powei object anu its powei consists among othei things in
enteiing into the bouy
What uoes it uo when it enteis into the bouy
It immeises itself in the bouy It settles on the chest oi on the
intestines The man becomes ill anu unless the brujo who is tenuing him
is stiongei than the bewitchei he will uie within thiee months fiom the
moment the keinel enteieu into his bouy
Is theie any way of cuiing him
The only way is to suck the keinel out but veiy few brujos woulu
uaie to uo that A brujo may succeeu in sucking the keinel out but unless
he is poweiful enough to iepel it it will get insiue him anu will kill him
insteau
But how uoes a keinel manage to entei into someones bouy
To explain that I must tell you about coin witchciaft which is one of
the most poweiful witchciafts I know The witchciaft is uone by two
keinels 0ne of them is put insiue a fiesh buu of a yellow flowei The
flowei is then set on a spot wheie it will come into contact with the
victim the ioau on which he walks eveiy uay oi any place wheie he is
habitually piesent As soon as the victim steps on the keinel oi touches it
in any way the witchciaft is uone The keinel immeises itself in the
bouy
What happens to the keinel aftei the man has toucheu it
All its powei goes insiue the man anu the keinel is fiee It becomes
just anothei keinel It may be left at the site of the witchciaft oi it may be
swept away it uoes not mattei It is bettei to sweep it away into the
unueibiush wheie a biiu will eat it
Can a biiu eat it befoie the man touches it
No No biiu is that stupiu I assuie you The biius stay away fiom it
Bon Juan then uesciibeu a veiy complex pioceuuie by which such
powei keinels can be obtaineu
You must beai in minu that maizpinto is meiely an instiument not
an ally he saiu 0nce you make that uistinction you will have no
pioblem But if you consiuei such tools to be supieme you will be a fool
Aie the powei objects as poweiful as an ally I askeu
Bon Juan laugheu scoinfully befoie answeiing It seemeu that he was
tiying haiu to be patient with me
Maizpinto ciystals anu featheis aie meie toys in compaiison with
an ally he saiu These powei objects aie necessaiy only when a man
uoes not have an ally It is a waste of time to puisue them especially foi
you You shoulu be tiying to get an ally When you succeeu you will
unueistanu what I am telling you now Powei objects aie like a game foi
chiluien
Bont get me wiong uon Juan I piotesteu I want to have an ally
but I also want to know eveiything I can You youiself have saiu that
knowleuge is powei
No he saiu emphatically Powei iests on the kinu of knowleuge
one holus What is the sense of knowing things that aie useless
In uon Juans system of beliefs the acquisition of an ally meant
exclusively the exploitation of the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality he
piouuceu in me thiough the use of hallucinogenic plants Be believeu that
by focusing on these states anu omitting othei aspects of the knowleuge
he taught I woulu aiiive at a coheient view of the phenomena I hau
expeiienceu
I have theiefoie uiviueu this book into two paits In the fiist pait I
piesent selections fiom my fielu notes uealing with the states of non
oiuinaiy ieality I unueiwent uuiing my appienticeship As I have
aiiangeu my notes to fit the continuity of the naiiative they aie not
always in piopei chionological sequence I nevei wiote my uesciiption of
a state of nonoiuinaiy ieality until seveial uays aftei I hau expeiienceu
it waiting until I was able to tieat it calmly anu objectively
Ny conveisations with uon Juan howevei weie taken uown as they
occuiieu immeuiately aftei each state of nonoiuinaiy ieality Ny iepoits
of these conveisations theiefoie sometimes anteuate anteuate be
eailiei in time the full uesciiption of an expeiience
Ny fielu notes uisclose the subjective veision of what I peiceiveu
while unueigoing the expeiience That veision is piesenteu heie just as I
naiiateu it to uon Juan who uemanueu a complete anu faithful
iecollection of eveiy uetail anu a full iecounting of each expeiience At
the time of iecoiuing these expeiiences I auueu inciuental uetails in an
attempt to iecaptuie the total setting of each state of nonoiuinaiy
ieality I wanteu to uesciibe the emotional impact I hau expeiienceu as
completely as possible
Ny fielu notes also ieveal the content of uon Juans system of beliefs
I have conuenseu long pages of questions anu answeis between uon Juan
anu myself in oiuei to avoiu iepiouucing the iepetitiveness of
conveisation But as I also want to ieflect accuiately the oveiall moou of
oui exchanges I have ueleteu only uialogue that contiibuteu nothing to
my unueistanuing of his way of knowleuge
The infoimation uon Juan gave me about his way of knowleuge was
always spoiauic anu foi eveiy spuit on his pait theie weie houis of
piobing on mine Neveitheless theie weie innumeiable occasions on
which he fieely expounueu his knowleuge
In the seconu pait of this book I piesent a stiuctuial analysis uiawn
exclusively fiom the uata iepoiteu in the fiist pait Thiough my analysis I
seek to suppoit the following contentions uon Juan piesenteu his
teachings as a system of logical thought the system maue sense only
if examineu in the light of its stiuctuial units anu the system was
ueviseu to guiue an appientice to a level of conceptualization which
explaineu the unueilying oiuei of the phenomena he hau expeiienceu
The Teachings of Bon Juan by Carlos Castaneda Chaptei
veision
Carlos Castaneda Pait 0ne The Teachings
Chaptei
Ny notes on my fiist session with uon Juan aie uateu }une
That was the occasion when the teachings began I hau seen him seveial
times pieviously in the capacity of an obseivei only At eveiy oppoitunity
I hau askeu him to teach me about peyote Be ignoieu my iequest eveiy
time but he nevei completely uismisseu the subject anu I inteipieteu his
hesitancy as a possibility that he might be inclineu to talk about his
knowleuge with moie coaxing
In this paiticulai session he maue it obvious to me that he might
consiuei my iequest pioviueu I possesseu claiity of minu anu puipose in
iefeience to what I hau askeu him
It was impossible foi me to fulfill such a conuition because I hau
askeu him to teach me about peyote only as a means of establishing a link
of communication with him I thought his familiaiity with the subject
might pieuispose him to be moie open anu willing to talk thus allowing
me an entiance into his knowleuge on the piopeities of plants
Be hau inteipieteu my iequest liteially howevei anu was conceineu
about my puipose in wishing to leain about peyote
Fiiuay }une
Woulu you teach me about peyote uon Juan
Why woulu you like to unueitake such leaining
I ieally woulu like to know about it Is not just to want to know a
goou ieason
No You must seaich in youi heait anu finu out why a young man
like you wants to unueitake such a task of leaining
Why uiu you leain about it youiself uon Juan
Why uo you ask that
Naybe we both have the same ieasons
I uoubt that I am an Inuian We uont have the same paths
The only ieason I have is that I want to leain about it just to know
But I assuie you uon Juan my intentions aie not bau
I believe you Ive smokeu you
I beg youi paiuon
It doesnt mattei now I know youi intentions
Bo you mean you saw thiough me
You coulu put it that way
Will you teach me then
No
Is it because Im not an Inuian
No It is because you uont know youi heait What is impoitant is
that you know exactly why you want to involve youiself Leaining about
Mescalito is a most seiious act If you weie an Inuian youi uesiie alone
woulu be sufficient veiy few Inuians have such a uesiie
Sunuay }une
I stayeu with uon Juan all afteinoon on Fiiuay I was going to leave
about pm We weie sitting on the poich in fiont of his house anu I
ueciueu to ask him once moie about the teaching It was almost a ioutine
question anu I expecteu him to iefuse again
I askeu him if theie was a way in which he coulu accept just my uesiie
to leain as if I weie an Inuian Be took a long time to answei I was
compelleu to stay because he seemeu to be tiying to ueciue something
Finally he tolu me that theie was a way anu pioceeueu to uelineate a
pioblem Be pointeu out that I was veiy tiieu sitting on the flooi anu that
the piopei thing to uo was to finu a spot sitio on the flooi wheie I
coulu sit without fatigue I hau been sitting with my knees up against my
chest anu my aims lockeu aiounu my calves When he saiu I was tiieu I
iealizeu that my back acheu anu that I was quite exhausteu
I waiteu foi him to explain what he meant by a spot but he maue no
oveit attempt to eluciuate the point I thought that peihaps he meant that
I shoulu change positions so I got up anu sat closei to him Be piotesteu
at my movement anu cleaily emphasizeu that a spot meant a place
wheie a man coulu feel natuially happy anu stiong Be patteu the place
wheie he sat anu saiu it was his own spot auuing that he hau poseu a
iiuule I hau to solve by myself without any fuithei uelibeiation
What he hau poseu as a pioblem to be solveu was ceitainly a iiuule I
hau no iuea how to begin oi even what he hau in minu
Seveial times I askeu foi a clue oi at least a hint as to how to pioceeu
in locating a point wheie I felt happy anu stiong I insisteu anu aigueu
that I hau no iuea what he ieally meant because I couldnt conceive the
pioblem
Be suggesteu I walk aiounu the poich until I founu the spot
I got up anu began to pace the flooi I felt silly anu sat uown in fiont
of him Be became veiy annoyeu with me anu accuseu me of not
listening saying that peihaps I uiu not want to leain
Aftei a while he calmeu uown anu explaineu to me that not eveiy
place was goou to sit oi be on anu that within the confines of the poich
theie was one spot that was unique a spot wheie I coulu be at my veiy
best It was my task to uistinguish it fiom all the othei places The geneial
pattein was that I hau to feel all the possible spots that weie accessible
until I coulu ueteimine without a uoubt which was the iight one
I aigueu that although the poich was not too laige twelve by eight
feet the numbei of possible spots was oveiwhelming anu it woulu take
me a veiy long time to check all of them anu that since he hau not
specifieu the size of the spot the possibilities might be infinite
Ny aiguments weie futile Be got up anu veiy steinly waineu me that
it might take me uays to figuie it out but that if I uiu not solve the
pioblem I might as well leave because he woulu have nothing to say to
me
Be emphasizeu that he knew wheie my spot was anu that theiefoie I
coulu not lie to him Be saiu this was the only way he coulu accept my
uesiie to leain about Mescalito as a valiu ieason Be auueu that nothing
in his woilu was a gift that whatevei theie was to leain hau to be
leaineu the haiu way
Be went aiounu the house to the chapaiial to uiinate Be ietuineu
uiiectly into his house thiough the back
I thought the assignment to finu the allegeu spot of happiness was his
own way of uismissing me but I got up anu staiteu to pace back anu
foith The sky was cleai I coulu see eveiything on anu neai the poich I
must have paceu foi an houi oi moie but nothing happeneu to ieveal the
location of the spot I got tiieu of walking anu sat uown Aftei a few
minutes I sat somewheie else anu then at anothei place until I hau
coveieu the whole flooi in a semisystematic fashion I uelibeiately tiieu
to feel uiffeiences between places but I lackeu the ciiteiia foi
uiffeientiation
I felt I was wasting my time but I stayeu Ny iationalization was that
I hau come a long way just to see uon Juan anu I ieally hau nothing else
to uo
I lay uown on my back anu put my hanus unuei my heau like a
pillow Then I iolleu ovei anu lay on my stomach foi a while I iepeateu
this iolling piocess ovei the entiie flooi Foi the fiist time I thought I hau
stumbleu upon a vague ciiteiion I felt waimei when I lay on my back
I iolleu again this time in the opposite uiiection anu again coveieu
the length of the flooi lying face uown on all the places wheie I hau lain
face up uuiing my fiist iolling toui I expeiienceu the same waim anu
colu sensations uepenuing on my position but theie was no uiffeience
between spots
Then an iuea occuiieu to me which I thought to be biilliant uon
Juans spot I sat theie anu then lay face uown at fiist anu latei on my
back but the place was just like all the otheis
I stoou up I hau hau enough I wanteu to say gooubye to uon Juan
but I was embaiiasseu to wake him up I lookeu at my watch It was two
oclock in the moining I hau been iolling foi six houis
At that moment uon Juan came out anu went aiounu the house to the
chapaiial Be came back anu stoou at the uooi I felt utteily uejecteu anu
I wanteu to say something nasty to him anu leave But I iealizeu that it
was not his fault that it was my own choice to go thiough all that
nonsense I tolu him I hau faileu I hau been iolling on his flooi like an
iuiot all night anu still couldnt make any sense of his iiuule
Be laugheu anu saiu that it uiu not suipiise him because I hau not
pioceeueu coiiectly I hau not been using my eyes That was tiue yet I
was veiy suie he hau saiu to feel the uiffeience I biought that point up
but he aigueu that one can feel with the eyes when the eyes aie not
looking iight into things Be saiu that as fai as I was conceineu I hau no
othei means to solve this pioblem but to use all I hau my eyes
Be went insiue I was ceitain that he hau been watching me I thought
theie was no othei way foi him to know that I hau not been using my
eyes
I began to ioll again because that was the most comfoitable
pioceuuie This time howevei I iesteu my chin on my hanus anu lookeu
at eveiy uetail
Aftei an inteival the uaikness aiounu me changeu When I focuseu on
the point uiiectly in fiont of me the whole peiipheial aiea of my fielu of
vision became biilliantly colouieu with a homogeneous gieenish yellow
The effect was staitling I kept my eyes fixeu on the point in fiont of me
anu began to ciawl siueways on my stomach one foot at a time
Suuuenly at a point neai the miuule of the flooi I became awaie of
anothei change in hue At a place to my iight still in the peiipheiy of my
fielu of vision the gieenish yellow became intensely puiple I
concentiateu my attention on it The puiple faueu into a pale but still
biilliant coloui which iemaineu steauy foi the time I kept my attention
on it
I maikeu the place with my jacket anu calleu uon Juan Be came out
to the poich I was tiuly exciteu I hau actually seen the change in hues
Be seemeu unimpiesseu but tolu me to sit on the spot anu iepoit to him
what kinu of feeling I hau
I sat uown anu then lay on my back Be stoou by me anu askeu me
iepeateuly how I felt but I uiu not feel anything uiffeient Foi about
fifteen minutes I tiieu to feel oi to see a uiffeience while uon Juan stoou
by me patiently I felt uisgusteu I hau a metallic taste in my mouth
Suuuenly I hau uevelopeu a heauache I was about to get sick The
thought of my nonsensical enueavouis iiiitateu me to a point of fuiy I
got up
Bon Juan must have noticeu my piofounu fiustiation Be uiu not
laugh but veiy seiiously stateu that I hau to be inflexible with myself if I
wanteu to leain 0nly two choices weie open to me he saiu eithei to quit
anu go home in which case I woulu nevei leain oi to solve the iiuule
Be went insiue again I wanteu to leave immeuiately but I was too
tiieu to uiive Besiues peiceiving the hues hau been so staitling that I
was suie it was a ciiteiion of some soit anu peihaps theie weie othei
changes to be uetecteu Anyway it was too late to leave So I sat uown
stietcheu my legs back anu began all ovei again
Buiing this iounu I moveu iapiuly thiough each place passing uon
Juans spot to the enu of the flooi anu then tuineu aiounu to covei the
outei euge When I ieacheu the centie I iealizeu that anothei change in
colouration was taking place again on the euge of my fielu of vision The
unifoim chaitieuse chaitieuse a shaue of gieen tingeu with yellow I
was seeing all ovei the aiea tuineu at one spot to my iight into a shaip
veiuigiis veiuigiis a gieen patina that foims on coppei oi biass oi
bionze that has been exposeu to the aii oi watei foi long peiious of time
It iemaineu foi a moment anu then abiuptly metamoiphoseu into
anothei steauy hue uiffeient fiom the othei one I hau uetecteu eailiei I
took off one of my shoes anu maikeu the point anu kept on iolling until I
hau coveieu the flooi in all possible uiiections No othei change of
colouration took place
I came back to the point maikeu with my shoe anu examineu it It
was locateu five to six feet away fiom the spot maikeu by my jacket in a
southeasteily uiiection Theie was a laige iock next to it I lay uown
theie foi quite some time tiying to finu clues looking at eveiy uetail but
I uiu not feel anything uiffeient
I ueciueu to tiy the othei spot I quickly pivoteu on my knees anu was
about to lie uown on my jacket when I felt an unusual appiehension It
was moie like a physical sensation of something actually pushing on my
stomach I jumpeu up anu ietieateu in one movement The haii on my
neck piickeu up Ny legs hau aicheu slightly my tiunk was bent foiwaiu
anu my aims stuck out in fiont of me iigiuly with my fingeis contiacteu
like a claw I took notice of my stiange postuie anu my fiight incieaseu
I walkeu back involuntaiily anu sat uown on the iock next to my shoe
Fiom the iock I slumpeu to the flooi I tiieu to figuie out what hau
happeneu to cause me such a fiight I thought it must have been the
fatigue I was expeiiencing It was neaily uaytime I felt silly anu
embaiiasseu Yet I hau no way to explain what hau fiighteneu me noi
hau I figuieu out what uon Juan wanteu
I ueciueu to give it one last tiy I got up anu slowly appioacheu the
place maikeu by my jacket anu again I felt the same appiehension This
time I maue a stiong effoit to contiol myself I sat uown anu then knelt in
oiuei to lie face uown but I coulu not lie in spite of my will I put my
hanus on the flooi in fiont of me Ny bieathing acceleiateu Ny stomach
was upset I hau a cleai sensation of panic anu fought not to iun away I
thought uon Juan was peihaps watching me Slowly I ciawleu back to the
othei spot anu pioppeu my back against the iock I wanteu to iest foi a
while to oiganize my thoughts but I fell asleep
I heaiu uon Juan talking anu laughing above my heau I woke up
You have founu the spot he saiu
I uiu not unueistanu him at fiist but he assuieu me again that the
place wheie I hau fallen asleep was the spot in question Be again askeu
me how I felt lying theie I tolu him I ieally uiu not notice any uiffeience
Be askeu me to compaie my feelings at that moment with what I hau
felt while lying on the othei spot Foi the fiist time it occuiieu to me that
I coulu not possibly explain my appiehension of the pieceuing night Be
uigeu me in a kinu of challenging way to sit on the othei spot Foi some
inexplicable ieason I was actually afiaiu of the othei place anu uiu not
sit on it Be asseiteu that only a fool coulu fail to see the uiffeience
I askeu him if each of the two spots hau a special name Be saiu that
the goou one was calleu the sitio anu the bau one the enemy Be saiu
these two places weie the key to a mans wellbeing especially foi a man
who was puisuing knowleuge The sheei act of sitting on ones spot
cieateu supeiioi stiength 0n the othei hanu the enemy weakeneu a
man anu coulu even cause his ueath Be saiu I hau ieplenisheu my
eneigy which I hau spent lavishly the night befoie by taking a nap on my
spot
Be also saiu that the colouis I hau seen in association with each
specific spot hau the same oveiall effect eithei of giving stiength oi of
cuitailing it
I askeu him if theie weie othei spots foi me like the two I hau founu
anu how I shoulu go about finuing them Be saiu that many places in the
woilu woulu be compaiable to those two anu that the best way to finu
them was by uetecting theii iespective colouis
It was not cleai to me whethei oi not I hau solveu the pioblem anu in
fact I was not even convinceu that theie hau been a pioblem I coulu not
avoiu feeling that the whole expeiience was foiceu anu aibitiaiy I was
ceitain that uon Juan hau watcheu me all night anu then pioceeueu to
humoui me by saying that wheievei I hau fallen asleep was the place I
was looking foi Yet I faileu to see a logical ieason foi such an act anu
when he challengeu me to sit on the othei spot I coulu not uo it Theie
was a stiange cleavage between my piagmatic expeiience of feaiing the
othei spot anu my iational uelibeiations about the total event
Bon Juan on the othei hanu was veiy suie I hau succeeueu anu
acting in accoiuance with my success he let me know he was going to
teach me about peyote
You askeu me to teach you about Mescalito he saiu I wanteu to
finu out if you hau enough backbone to meet him face to face Mescalito
is not something to make fun of You must have commanu ovei youi
iesouices Now I know I can take youi uesiie alone as a goou ieason to
leain
You ieally aie going to teach me about peyote
I piefei to call him Mescalito Bo the same
When aie you going to stait
It is not so simple as that You must be ieauy fiist
I think I am ieauy
This is not a joke You must wait until theie is no uoubt anu then
you will meet him
Bo I have to piepaie myself
No You simply have to wait You may give up the whole iuea aftei a
while You get tiieu easily Last night you weie ieauy to quit as soon as it
got uifficult Mescalito iequiies a veiy seiious intent
veision
Chaptei
Nonuay August
I aiiiveu at uon Juans house in Arizona about seven oclock on
Fiiuay night Five othei Inuians weie sitting with him on the poich of his
house I gieeteu uon Juan anu sat waiting foi the otheis to say
something Aftei a foimal silence one of the men got up walkeu ovei to
me anu saiu Buenas noches
I stoou up anu answeieu Buenas noches Then all the othei men
got up anu came to me We all mumbleu Buenas noches anu shook
hanus eithei by baiely touching one anotheis fingeitips oi by holuing
the hanu foi an instant anu then uiopping it quite abiuptly
We all sat uown again They seemeu to be iathei shy anu at a loss foi
woius although they all spoke Spanish
It must have been about half past seven when suuuenly they all got
up anu walkeu towaius the back of the house Nobouy hau saiu a woiu
foi a long time Bon Juan signalleu me to follow anu we all got insiue an
olu pickup tiuck paikeu theie I sat in the back with uon Juan anu two
youngei men Theie weie no cushions oi benches anu the metal flooi
was painfully haiu especially when we left the highway anu got onto a
uiit ioau Bon Juan whispeieu that we weie going to the house of one of
his fiienus who hau seven mescalitos foi me
I askeu him Bont you have any of them youiself uon Juan
I uo but I couldnt offei them to you You see someone else has to
uo this
Can you tell me why
Peihaps you aie not agieeable to him anu he wont like you Then
you will nevei be able to know him with affection as one shoulu anu oui
fiienuship will be bioken
Why wouldnt he like me I have nevei uone anything to him
You uont have to uo anything to be likeu oi uislikeu Be eithei takes
you oi thiows you away
But if he doesnt take me isnt theie anything I can uo to make him
like me
The othei two men seemeu to have oveiheaiu my question anu
laugheu
No I cant think of anything one can uo uon Juan saiu
Be tuineu half away fiom me anu I coulu not talk to him any moie
We must have uiiven foi at least an houi befoie we stoppeu in fiont
of a small house It was quite uaik anu aftei the uiivei hau tuineu off the
heaulights I coulu make out only the vague contoui of the builuing
A young woman a Nexican juuging by hei speech inflection was
yelling at a uog to make him stop baiking We got out of the tiuck anu
walkeu into the house The men mumbleu Buenas noches as they went
by hei She answeieu back anu went on yelling at the uog
The ioom was laige anu was stackeu up with a multituue of objects
A uim light fiom a veiy small electiic bulb ienueieu the scene quite
gloomy Theie weie quite a few chaiis with bioken legs anu sagging seats
leaning against the walls
Thiee of the men sat uown on a couch which was the laigest single
piece of fuinituie in the ioom It was veiy olu anu hau saggeu uown all
the way to the flooi In the uim light it seemeu to be ieu anu uiity The
iest of us sat in chaiis We sat in silence foi a long time
0ne of the men suuuenly got up anu went into anothei ioom Be was
peihaps in his fifties tall anu husky Be came back a moment latei with a
coffee jai Be openeu the liu anu hanueu the jai to me
Insiue theie weie seven ouulooking items They vaiieu in size anu
consistency Some of them weie almost iounu otheis weie elongateu
They felt to the touch like the pulp of walnuts oi the suiface of coik
Theii biownish coloui maue them look like haiu uiy nutshells I hanuleu
them iubbing theii suifaces foi quite some time
This is to be cheweu esto se masca Bon Juan saiu in a whispei
I hau not iealizeu that he hau sat next to me until he spoke I lookeu
at the othei men but no one was looking at me They weie talking among
themselves in veiy low voices This was a moment of acute inuecision
anu feai I felt almost unable to contiol myself
I have to go to the bathioom I saiu to uon Juan Ill go outsiue anu
take a walk
Be hanueu me the coffee jai anu I put the peyote buttons in it I was
leaving the ioom when the man who hau given me the jai stoou up came
to me anu saiu he hau a toilet bowl in the othei ioom
The toilet was almost against the uooi Next to it neaily touching the
toilet was a laige beu which occupieu moie than half of the ioom The
woman was sleeping theie I stoou motionless at the uooi foi a while
Then I came back to the ioom wheie the othei men weie
The man who owneu the house spoke to me in English Bon Juan
says youre fiom South Ameiica Is theie any mescal theie
I tolu him that I hau nevei even heaiu of it
They seemeu to be inteiesteu in South Ameiica anu we talkeu about
the Inuians foi a while Then one of the men askeu me why I wanteu to
eat peyote I tolu him that I wanteu to know what it was like They all
laugheu shyly
Bon Juan uigeu me softly Chew it chew it Masca masca
Ny hanus weie wet anu my stomach contiacteu The jai with the
peyote buttons was on the flooi by the chaii I bent ovei took one at
ianuom anu put it in my mouth It hau a stale taste I bit it in two anu
staiteu to chew one of the pieces I felt a stiong pungent bitteiness
In a moment my whole mouth was numb The bitteiness incieaseu as
I kept on chewing foicing an incieuible flow of saliva Ny gums anu the
insiue of my mouth felt as if I hau eaten salty uiy meat oi fish which
seems to foice one to chew moie
Aftei a while I cheweu the othei piece anu my mouth was so numb I
couldnt feel the bitteiness any moie The peyote button was a bunch of
shieus like the fibious pait of an oiange oi like sugaicane I didnt know
whethei to swallow it oi spit it out At that moment the ownei of the
house got up anu inviteu eveiybouy to go out to the poich
We went out anu sat in the uaikness It was quite comfoitable
outsiue anu the host biought out a bottle of tequila
The men weie seateu in a iow with theii backs to the wall I was at
the extieme iight of the line Bon Juan who was next to me placeu the
jai with the peyote buttons between my legs Then he hanueu me the
bottle which hau been passeu uown the line anu tolu me to take some of
the tequila to wash away the bitteiness
I spat out the shieus of the fiist button anu took a sip Be tolu me not
to swallow it but to just iinse out my mouth with it to stop the saliva It
uiu not help much with the saliva but it ceitainly helpeu to wash away
some of the bitteiness
Bon Juan gave me a piece of uiieu apiicot oi peihaps it was a uiieu
fig I couldnt see it in the uaik noi coulu I taste it anu tolu me to chew
it thoioughly anu slowly without iushing I hau uifficulty swallowing it It
felt as if it woulu not go uown
Aftei a shoit pause the bottle went aiounu again Bon Juan hanueu
me a piece of ciispy uiieu meat I tolu him I uiu not feel like eating
This is not eating he saiu fiimly
The pattein was iepeateu six times I iemembei having cheweu six
peyote buttons when the conveisation became veiy lively Although I
coulu not uistinguish what language was spoken the topic of the
conveisation in which eveiybouy paiticipateu was veiy inteiesting I
attempteu to listen caiefully so that I coulu take pait but when I tiieu to
speak I iealizeu I couldnt The woius shifteu aimlessly about in my
minu
I sat with my back pioppeu against the wall anu listeneu to what the
men weie saying They weie talking in Italian anu iepeateu ovei anu
ovei one phiase about the stupiuity of shaiks I thought it was a logical
coheient topic
I hau tolu uon Juan eailiei that the Coloiauo Rivei in Arizona was
calleu by the eaily Spaniaius el rio de los tizones the iivei of chaiieu
woou anu someone misspelleu oi misieau tizones anu the iivei was
calleu el rio de los tiburones the iivei of the shaiks I was suie they
weie uiscussing that stoiy yet it nevei occuiieu to me to think that none
of them coulu speak Italian
I hau a veiy stiong uesiie to thiow up but I uont iecall the actual act
I askeu if somebouy woulu get me some watei I was expeiiencing an
unbeaiable thiist
Bon Juan biought me a laige saucepan Be placeu it on the giounu
next to the wall Be also biought a little cup oi can Be uippeu it into the
pan anu hanueu it to me Be saiu I shoulu not uiink but shoulu just
fieshen my mouth with it
The watei lookeu stiangely shiny glossy like a thick vainish I
wanteu to ask uon Juan about it anu laboiiously I tiieu to voice my
thoughts in English Then I iealizeu he uiu not speak English I
expeiienceu a veiy confusing moment anu became awaie of the fact that
although theie was a cleai thought in my minu I coulu not speak
I wanteu to comment on the stiange quality of the watei but what
followeu next was not speech It was the feeling of my unvoiceu thoughts
coming out of my mouth in a soit of liquiu foim It was an effoitless
sensation of vomiting without the contiactions of the uiaphiagm It was a
pleasant flow of liquiu woius
I uiank anu the feeling that I was vomiting uisappeaieu By that time
all noises hau vanisheu anu I founu I hau uifficulty focusing my eyes I
lookeu foi uon Juan anu as I tuineu my heau I noticeu that my fielu of
vision hau uiminisheu to a ciiculai aiea in fiont of my eyes This feeling
was neithei fiightening noi uiscomfoiting but quite to the contiaiy it
was a novelty I coulu liteially sweep the giounu by focusing on one spot
anu then moving my heau slowly in any uiiection When I hau fiist come
out to the poich I hau noticeu it was all uaik except foi the uistant glaie
of the city lights Yet within the ciiculai aiea of my vision eveiything was
cleai I foigot about my concein with uon Juan anu the othei men anu
gave myself entiiely to exploiing the giounu with my pinpoint vision
I saw the junctuie of the poich flooi anu the wall I tuineu my heau
slowly to the iight following the wall anu saw uon Juan sitting against it
I shifteu my heau to the left in oiuei to focus on the watei I founu the
bottom of the pan I iaiseu my heau slightly anu saw a meuiumsize black
uog appioaching I saw him coming towaius the watei The uog began to
uiink
I iaiseu my hanu to push him away fiom my watei I focuseu my
pinpoint vision on the uog to caiiy on the movement anu suuuenly I saw
him become tianspaient The watei was a shiny viscous liquiu I saw it
going uown the uogs thioat into his bouy I saw it flowing evenly thiough
his entiie length anu then shooting out thiough each one of the haiis I
saw the iiiuescent iiiuescent vaiying in coloui when seen in uiffeient
lights oi fiom uiffeient angles fluiu tiavelling along the length of each
inuiviuual haii anu then piojecting out of the haiis to foim a long white
silky mane
At that moment I hau the sensation of intense convulsions anu in a
mattei of instants a tunnel foimeu aiounu me veiy low anu naiiow
haiu anu stiangely colu It felt to the touch like a wall of soliu tinfoil I
founu I was sitting on the tunnel flooi I tiieu to stanu up but hit my heau
on the metal ioof anu the tunnel compiesseu itself until it was
suffocating me I iemembei having to ciawl towaiu a soit of iounu point
wheie the tunnel enueu
When I finally aiiiveu if I uiu I hau foigotten all about the uog uon
Juan anu myself I was exhausteu Ny clothes weie soakeu in a colu
sticky liquiu I iolleu back anu foith tiying to finu a position in which to
iest a position wheie my heait woulu not pounu so haiu In one of those
shifts I saw the uog again
Eveiy memoiy came back to me at once anu suuuenly all was cleai in
my minu I tuineu aiounu to look foi uon Juan but I coulu not
uistinguish anything oi anyone All I was capable of seeing was the uog
becoming iiiuescent An intense light iauiateu fiom his bouy I saw again
the watei flowing thiough him kinuling him like a bonfiie
I got to the watei sank my face in the pan anu uiank with him Ny
hanus weie in fiont of me on the giounu anu as I uiank I saw the fluiu
iunning thiough my veins setting up hues of ieu anu yellow anu gieen I
uiank moie anu moie I uiank until I was all afiie I was all aglow I uiank
until the fluiu went out of my bouy thiough each poie anu piojecteu out
like fibies of silk anu I too acquiieu a long lustious iiiuescent mane
I lookeu at the uog anu his mane was like mine A supieme happiness
filleu my whole bouy anu we ian togethei towaiu a soit of yellow
waimth that came fiom some inuefinite place Anu theie we playeu We
playeu anu wiestleu until I knew his wishes anu he knew mine
We took tuins manipulating each othei in the fashion of a puppet
show I coulu make him move his legs by twisting my toes anu eveiy time
he nouueu his heau I felt an iiiesistible impulse to jump But his most
impish impish naughtily oi annoyingly playful act was to make me
sciatch my heau with my foot while I sat Be uiu it by flapping his eais
fiom siue to siue This action was to me utteily unbeaiably funny Such a
touch of giace anu iiony such masteiy I thought The euphoiia that
possesseu me was inuesciibable I laugheu until it was almost impossible
to bieathe
I hau the cleai sensation of not being able to open my eyes I was
looking thiough a tank of watei It was a long anu veiy painful state filleu
with the anxiety of not being able to wake up anu yet being awake Then
slowly the woilu became cleai anu in focus Ny fielu of vision became
again veiy iounu anu ample anu with it came an oiuinaiy conscious act
which was to tuin aiounu anu look foi that maivellous being At this
point I encounteieu the most uifficult tiansition
The passage fiom my noimal state hau taken place almost without
my iealizing it I was awaie my thoughts anu feelings weie a coiollaiy of
that awaieness anu the passing was smooth anu cleai
But this seconu change the awakening to seiious sobei
consciousness was genuinely shocking I hau foigotten I was a man The
sauness of such an iiieconcilable situation was so intense that I wept
Satuiuay August
Latei that moining aftei bieakfast the ownei of the house uon Juan
anu I uiove back to uon Juans place I was veiy tiieu but I couldnt go to
sleep in the tiuck 0nly aftei the man hau left uiu I fall asleep on the
poich of uon Juans house
When I woke up it was uaik Bon Juan hau coveieu me up with a
blanket I lookeu foi him but he was not in the house Be came latei with
a pot of fiieu beans anu a stack of tortillas I was extiemely hungiy
Aftei we hau finisheu eating anu weie iesting he askeu me to tell him
all that hau happeneu to me the night befoie I ielateu my expeiience in
gieat uetail anu as accuiately as possible
When I hau finisheu he nouueu his heau anu saiu I think you aie
fine It is uifficult foi me to explain now how anu why But I think it went
all iight foi you You see sometimes he is playful like a chilu At othei
times he is teiiible feaisome
Be eithei fiolics oi he is ueau seiious It is impossible to know
befoiehanu what he will be like with anothei peison Yet when one
knows him well sometimes You playeu with him tonight You aie the
only peison I know who has hau such an encountei
In what way uoes my expeiience uiffei fiom that of otheis
Youre not an Inuian theiefoie it is haiu foi me to figuie out what is
what Yet he eithei takes people oi iejects them iegaiuless of whethei
they aie Inuians oi not That I know I have seen numbeis of them I also
know that he fiolics he makes some people laugh but nevei have I seen
him play with anyone
Can you tell me now uon Juan how uoes peyote piotect
Be uiu not let me finish vigoiously he toucheu me on the shouluei
Bont you evei name him that way You havent seen enough of him
yet to know him
Bow uoes Mescalito piotect people
Be auvises Be answeis whatevei questions you ask
Then Mescalito is ieal I mean he is something you can see
Be seemeu to be baffleu by my question Be lookeu at me with a soit
of blank expiession
What I meant to say is that Mescalito
I heaiu what you saiu Didnt you see him last night
I wanteu to say that I saw only a uog but I noticeu his bewilueieu
look
Then you think what I saw last night was him
Be lookeu at me with contempt Be chuckleu shook his heau as
though he couldnt believe it anu in a veiy belligeient tone he auueu A
poco ciees que eia tu mama Bont tell me you believe it was youi
mama
Be pauseu befoie saying mama because what he meant to say was
tu chingada mauie an iuiom useu as a uisiespectful allusion to the
othei paitys mothei The woiu mama was so incongiuous that we both
laugheu foi a long time
Then I iealizeu he hau fallen asleep anu hau not answeieu my
question
Sunuay August
I uiove uon Juan to the house wheie I hau taken peyote 0n the way
he tolu me that the name of the man who hau offeieu me to Mescalito
was }ohn
When we got to the house we founu }ohn sitting on his poich with
two young men All of them weie extiemely jovial They laugheu anu
talkeu with gieat ease The thiee of them spoke English peifectly I tolu
}ohn that I hau come to thank him foi having helpeu me
I wanteu to get theii views on my behavioui uuiing the
hallucinogenic expeiience anu tolu them I hau been tiying to think of
what I hau uone that night anu that I couldnt iemembei
They laugheu anu weie ieluctant to talk about it They seemeu to be
holuing back on account of uon Juan They all glanceu at him as though
waiting foi an affiimative cue to go on Bon Juan must have cueu them
although I uiu not notice anything because suuuenly }ohn began to tell
me what I hau uone that night
Be saiu he knew I hau been taken when he heaiu me puking Be
estimateu that I must have pukeu thiity times Bon Juan coiiecteu him
anu saiu it was only ten times
}ohn continueu Then we all moveu next to you You weie stiff anu
weie having convulsions Foi a veiy long time while lying on youi back
you moveu youi mouth as though talking Then you began to bump youi
heau on the flooi anu uon Juan put an olu hat on youi heau anu you
stoppeu it You shiveieu anu whineu foi houis lying on the flooi
I think eveiybouy fell asleep then but I heaiu you puffing anu
gioaning in my sleep Then I heaiu you scieam anu I woke up I saw you
leaping up in the aii scieaming You maue a uash foi the watei knockeu
the pan ovei anu began to swim in the puuule
Bon Juan biought you moie watei You sat quietly in fiont of the
pan Then you jumpeu up anu took off all youi clothes You weie kneeling
in fiont of the watei uiinking in big gulps Then you just sat theie anu
staieu into space We thought you weie going to be theie foievei Neaily
eveiybouy was asleep incluuing uon Juan when suuuenly you jumpeu
up again howling anu took aftei the uog The uog got scaieu anu howleu
too anu ian to the back of the house Then eveiybouy woke up
We all got up You came back fiom the othei siue still chasing the
uog The uog was iunning aheau of you baiking anu howling I think you
must have gone twenty times aiounu the house iunning in ciicles
baiking like a uog I was afiaiu people weie going to be cuiious Theie
aie no neighbouis close but youi howling was so louu it coulu have been
heaiu foi miles
0ne of the young men auueu You caught up with the uog anu
biought it to the poich in youi aims
}ohn continueu Then you began to play with the uog You wiestleu
with him anu the uog anu you bit each othei anu playeu That I thought
was funny Ny uog uoes not play usually But this time you anu the uog
weie iolling on each othei
Then you ian to the watei anu the uog uiank with you the young
man saiu You ian five oi six times to the watei with the uog
Bow long uiu this go on I askeu
Bouis }ohn saiu At one time we lost sight of you two I think you
must have iun to the back We just heaiu you baiking anu gioaning You
sounueu so much like a uog that we couldnt tell you two apait
Naybe it was just the uog alone I saiu
They laugheu anu }ohn saiu You weie baiking theie boy
What happeneu next
The thiee men lookeu at one anothei anu seemeu to have a haiu time
ueciuing what happeneu next Finally the young man who hau not yet
saiu anything spoke up
Be chokeu he saiu looking at }ohn
Yes you ceitainly chokeu You began to ciy veiy stiangely anu then
you fell to the flooi We thought you weie biting youi tongue Bon Juan
openeu youi jaws anu pouieu watei on youi face Then you staiteu
shiveiing anu having convulsions all ovei again Then you stayeu
motionless foi a long time Bon Juan saiu it was all ovei By then it was
moining so we coveieu you with a blanket anu left you to sleep on the
poich
Be stoppeu theie anu lookeu at the othei men who weie obviously
tiying not to laugh Be tuineu to uon Juan anu askeu him something Bon
Juan smileu anu answeieu the question }ohn tuineu to me anu saiu We
left you heie on the poich because we weie afiaiu you weie going to piss
all ovei the iooms
They all laugheu veiy louuly
What was the mattei with me I askeu Biu I
Biu you }ohn soit of mimickeu me We weie not going to mention
it but uon Juan says it is all iight You pisseu all ovei my uog
What uiu I uo
You uont think the uog was iunning because he was afiaiu of you
uo you The uog was iunning because you weie pissing on him
Theie was geneial laughtei at this point I tiieu to question one of the
young men but they weie all laughing anu he didnt heai me
}ohn went on Ny uog got even though Be pisseu on you too
This statement was appaiently utteily funny because they all ioaieu
with laughtei incluuing uon Juan When they hau quieteu uown I askeu
in all eainestness Is it ieally tiue This ieally happeneu
Still laughing }ohn ieplieu I sweai my uog ieally pisseu on you
Biiving back to uon Juans place I askeu him Biu all that ieally
happen uon Juan
Yes he saiu but they uont know what you saw They uont iealize
you weie playing with him That is why I uiu not uistuib you
But is this business of the uog anu me pissing on each othei tiue
It was not a uog Bow many times uo I have to tell you that This is
the only way to unueistanu it Its the only way It was he who playeu
with you
Biu you know all this was happening befoie I tolu you about it
Be vacillateu foi an instant befoie answeiing
No I iemembeieu aftei you tolu me about it the stiange way you
lookeu I just suspecteu you weie uoing fine because you didnt seem
scaieu
Biu the uog ieally play with me as they say
Goddammit It was not a uog
Thuisuay August
I tolu uon Juan how I felt about my expeiience Fiom the point of
view of my intenueu woik it hau been a uisastious event I saiu I uiu not
caie foi anothei similai encountei with Mescalito I agieeu that
eveiything that hau happeneu to me hau been moie than inteiesting but
auueu that nothing in it coulu ieally move me towaius seeking it again I
seiiously believeu that I was not constiucteu foi that type of enueavoui
Peyote hau piouuceu in me as a postieaction a stiange kinu of physical
uiscomfoit It was an inuefinite feai oi unhappiness a melancholy of
some soit which I coulu not uefine exactly anu I uiu not finu that state
noble in any way
Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu You aie beginning to leain
This type of leaining is not foi me I am not maue foi it uon Juan
You always exaggeiate
This is not exaggeiation
It is The only tiouble is that you exaggeiate the bau points only
Theie aie no goou points so fai as I am conceineu All I know is that
it makes me afiaiu
Theie is nothing wiong with being afiaiu When you feai you see
things in a uiffeient way
But I uont caie about seeing things in a uiffeient way uon Juan I
think I am going to leave the leaining about Mescalito alone I cant
hanule it uon Juan This is ieally a bau situation foi me
0f couise it is bau even foi me You aie not the only one who is
baffleu
Why shoulu you be baffleu uon Juan
I have been thinking about what I saw the othei night Mescalito
actually playeu with you That baffleu me because it was an inuication
omen
What kinu of inuication uon Juan
Mescalito was pointing you out to me
What foi
It wasnt cleai to me then but now it is Be meant you weie the
chosen man escogido Mescalito pointeu you out to me anu by uoing
that he tolu me you weie the chosen man
Bo you mean I was chosen among otheis foi some task oi
something of the soit
No What I mean is Mescalito tolu me you coulu be the man I am
looking foi
When uiu he tell you that uon Juan
By playing with you he tolu me that This makes you the chosen man
foi me
What uoes it mean to be the chosen man
Theie aie some seciets I know Tengo secretos I have seciets I
wont be able to ieveal to anyone unless I finu my chosen man The othei
night when I saw you playing with Mescalito it was cleai to me you weie
that man But you aie not an Inuian Bow baffling
But what uoes it mean to me uon Juan What uo I have to uo
Ive maue up my minu anu I am going to teach you the seciets that
make up the lot of a man of knowleuge
Bo you mean the seciets about Mescalito
Yes but those aie not all the seciets I know Theie aie othei seciets
of a uiffeient kinu which I woulu like to give to someone I hau a teachei
myself my benefactoi anu I also became his chosen man upon
peifoiming a ceitain feat Be taught me all I know
I askeu him again what this new iole woulu iequiie of me Be saiu
leaining was the only thing involveu leaining in the sense of what I hau
expeiienceu in the two sessions with him
The way in which the situation hau evolveu was quite stiange I hau
maue up my minu to tell him I was going to give up the iuea of leaining
about peyote anu then befoie I coulu ieally make my point he offeieu to
teach me his knowleuge I uiu not know what he meant by that but I felt
that this suuuen tuin was veiy seiious
I aigueu I hau no qualifications foi such a task It iequiieu a iaie kinu
of couiage which I uiu not have I tolu him that my bent of chaiactei was
to talk about acts otheis peifoimeu I wanteu to heai his views anu
opinions about eveiything I tolu him I coulu be happy if I coulu sit theie
anu listen to him talk foi uays To me that woulu be leaining
Be listeneu without inteiiupting me I talkeu foi a long time
Then he saiu All this is veiy easy to unueistanu Feai is the fiist
natuial enemy a man must oveicome on his path to knowleuge Besiues
you aie cuiious That evens up the scoie Anu you will leain in spite of
youiself Thats the iule
I piotesteu foi a while longei tiying to uissuaue him but he seemeu
to be convinceu theie was nothing else I coulu uo but leain
You aie not thinking in the piopei oiuei he saiu Mescalito
actually playeu with you Thats the point to think about Why uont you
uwell on that insteau of on youi feai
Was it so unusual
You aie the only peison I have evei seen playing with him You aie
not useu to this kinu of life theiefoie the inuications omens bypass you
Yet you aie a seiious peison but youi seiiousness is attacheu to what
you uo not to what goes on outsiue you You uwell upon youiself too
much Thats the tiouble anu that piouuces a teiiible fatigue
But what else can anyone uo uon Juan
Seek anu see the maivels all aiounu you You will get tiieu of looking
at youiself alone anu that fatigue will make you ueaf anu blinu to
eveiything else
You have a point uon Juan but how can I change
Think about the wonuei of Mescalito playing with you Think about
nothing else The iest will come to you of itself
Sunuay August
Last night uon Juan pioceeueu to ushei me into the iealm of his
knowleuge We sat in fiont of his house in the uaik Suuuenly aftei a long
silence he began to talk Be saiu he was going to auvise me with the same
woius his own benefactoi hau useu the fiist uay he took him as his
appientice Bon Juan hau appaiently memoiizeu the woius foi he
iepeateu them seveial times to make suie I uiu not miss any
A man goes to knowleuge as he goes to wai wiueawake with feai
with iespect anu with absolute assuiance uoing to knowleuge oi going
to wai in any othei mannei is a mistake anu whoevei makes it will live
to iegiet his steps
I askeu him why was it so anu he saiu that when a man has fulfilleu
those foui iequisites theie aie no mistakes foi which he will have to
account 0nuei such conuitions his acts lose the blunueiing quality of a
fools acts If such a man fails oi suffeis a uefeat he will have lost only a
battle anu theie will be no pitiful iegiets ovei that
Then he saiu he intenueu to teach me about an ally in the veiy same
way his own benefactoi hau taught him Be put stiong emphasis on the
woius veiy same way iepeating the phiase seveial times
An ally he saiu is a powei a man can biing into his life to help him
auvise him anu give him the stiength necessaiy to peifoim acts whethei
big oi small iight oi wiong This ally is necessaiy to enhance a mans life
guiue his acts anu fuithei his knowleuge In fact an ally is the
inuispensable aiu to knowing Bon Juan saiu this with gieat conviction
anu foice Be seemeu to choose his woius caiefully Be iepeateu the
following sentence foui times
An ally will make you see anu unueistanu things about which no
human being coulu possibly enlighten you
I askeu Is an ally something like a guaiuian spiiit
It is neithei a guaiuian noi a spiiit It is an aiu
Is Mescalito youi ally
No Mescalito is anothei kinu of powei A unique powei A
piotectoi a teachei
What makes Mescalito uiffeient fiom an ally
Be cant be tameu anu useu as an ally is tameu anu useu Mescalito
is outsiue oneself Be chooses to show himself in many foims to whoevei
stanus in fiont of him iegaiuless of whethei that peison is a brujo oi a
faim boy
Bon Juan spoke with ueep feivoui about Mescalitos being the
teachei of the piopei way to live I askeu him how Mescalito taught the
piopei way of life anu uon Juan ieplieu that Mescalito showeu how to
live
Bow uoes he show it I askeu
Be has many ways of showing it Sometimes he shows it on his hanu
oi on the iocks oi the tiees oi just in fiont of you
Is it like a pictuie in fiont of you
No It is a teaching in fiont of you
Boes Mescalito talk to the peison
Yes But not in woius
Bow uoes he talk then
Be talks uiffeiently to eveiy man
I felt my questions weie annoying him I uiu not ask any moie Be
went on explaining that theie weie no exact steps to knowing Mescalito
theiefoie no one coulu teach about him except Mescalito himself This
quality maue him a unique powei Be was not the same foi eveiy man
0n the othei hanu the acquiiing of an ally iequiieu uon Juan saiu
the most piecise teaching anu the following of stages oi steps without a
single ueviation Theie aie many such ally poweis in the woilu he saiu
but he was familiai with only two of them anu he was going to leau me
to them anu theii seciets but it was up to me to choose one of them
because I coulu have only one
Bis benefactois ally was in la yeiba del uiablo uevils weeu he
saiu but he peisonally uiu not like it even though his benefactoi hau
taught him its seciets Bis own ally was in the humito the little smoke
he saiu but he uiu not elaboiate on the natuie of the smoke
I askeu him about it Be iemaineu quiet Aftei a long pause I askeu
him
What kinu of a powei is an ally
It is an aiu I have alieauy tolu you
Bow uoes it aiu
An ally is a powei capable of caiiying a man beyonu the bounuaiies
of himself This is how an ally can ieveal matteis no human being coulu
But Mescalito also takes you out of the bounuaiies of youiself
Doesnt that make him an ally
No Mescalito takes you out of youiself to teach you An ally takes
you out to give you powei
I askeu him to explain this point to me in moie uetail oi to uesciibe
the uiffeience in effect between the two Be lookeu at me foi a long time
anu laugheu Be saiu that leaining thiough conveisation was not only a
waste but stupiuity because leaining was the most uifficult task a man
coulu unueitake
Be askeu me to iemembei the time I hau tiieu to finu my spot anu
how I wanteu to finu it without uoing any woik because I hau expecteu
him to hanu out all the infoimation If he hau uone so he saiu I woulu
nevei have leaineu
But knowing how uifficult it was to finu my spot anu above all
knowing that it existeu woulu give me a unique sense of confiuence Be
saiu that while I iemaineu iooteu to my goou spot nothing coulu cause
me bouily haim because I hau the assuiance that at that paiticulai spot I
was at my veiy best I hau the powei to shove off anything that might be
haimful to me If howevei he hau tolu me wheie it was I woulu nevei
have hau the confiuence neeueu to claim it as tiue knowleuge Thus
knowleuge was inueeu powei
Bon Juan saiu then that eveiy time a man sets himself to leain he has
to laboui as haiu as I uiu to finu that spot anu the limits of his leaining
aie ueteimineu by his own natuie Thus he saw no point in talking about
knowleuge Be saiu that ceitain kinus of knowleuge weie too poweiful
foi the stiength I hau anu to talk about them woulu only biing haim to
me Be appaiently felt theie was nothing else he wanteu to say Be got up
anu walkeu towaius his house I tolu him the situation oveiwhelmeu me
It was not what I hau conceiveu oi wanteu it to be
Be saiu that feais aie natuial that all of us expeiience them anu theie
is nothing we can uo about it
But on the othei hanu no mattei how fiightening leaining is it is
moie teiiible to think of a man without an ally oi without knowleuge
veision
Chaptei
In the moie than two yeais that elapseu between the time uon Juan
ueciueu to teach me about the ally poweis anu the time he thought I was
ieauy to leain about them in the piagmatic paiticipatoiy foim he
consiueieu as leaining he giauually uesciibeu the geneial featuies of the
two allies in question
Be piepaieu me foi the inuispensable coiollaiy of all the
verbalizations anu the consoliuation of all the teachings the states of
nonoiuinaiy ieality
At fiist he talkeu about the ally poweis in a veiy casual mannei The
fiist iefeiences I have in my notes aie inteijecteu between othei topics of
conveisation
Weunesuay August
The uevils weeu Jimson weeu was my benefactois ally It coulu
have been mine also but I didnt like hei
Why didnt you like the uevils weeu uon Juan
She has a seiious uiawback
Is she infeiioi to othei ally poweis
No Bont get me wiong She is as poweiful as the best of allies but
theie is something about hei which I peisonally uont like
Can you tell me what it is
She uistoits men She gives them a taste of powei too soon without
foitifying theii heaits anu makes them uomineeiing anu unpieuictable
She makes them weak in the miuule of theii gieat powei
Isnt theie any way to avoiu that
Theie is a way to oveicome it but not to avoiu it Whoevei becomes
the weeus ally must pay that piice
Bow can one oveicome that effect uon Juan
The uevils weeu has foui heaus the ioot the stem anu leaves the
floweis anu the seeus Each one of them is uiffeient anu whoevei
becomes hei ally must leain about them in that oiuei
The most impoitant heau is in the ioots The powei of the uevils
weeu is conqueieu thiough the ioots
The stem anu leaves aie the heau that cuies malauies piopeily useu
this heau is a gift to mankinu
The thiiu heau is in the floweis anu it is useu to tuin people ciazy
oi to make them obeuient oi to kill them
The man whose ally is the weeu nevei intakes the floweis noi uoes
he intake the stem anu leaves foi that mattei except in cases of his own
illness but the ioots anu the seeus aie always intaken especially the
seeus they aie the fouith heau of the uevils weeu anu the most poweiful
of the foui Ny benefactoi useu to say the seeus aie the sobei heau the
only pait that coulu foitify the heait of man
The uevils weeu is haiu with hei prot g s he useu to say because
she aims to kill them fast a thing she oiuinaiily accomplishes befoie they
can aiiive at the seciets of the sobei heau Theie aie howevei tales
about men who have uniavelleu the seciets of the sobei heau What a
challenge foi a man of knowleuge
Biu youi benefactoi uniavel such seciets
No he didnt
Bave you met anyone who has uone it
No But they liveu at a time when that knowleuge was impoitant
Bo you know anyone who has met such men
No I uont
Biu youi benefactoi know anyone
Be uiu
Why didnt he aiiive at the seciets of the sobei heau
To tame the uevils weeu into an ally is one of the most uifficult tasks
I know She nevei became one with me foi example peihaps because I
was nevei fonu of hei
Can you still use hei as an ally in spite of not being fonu of hei
I can Neveitheless I piefei not to Naybe it will be uiffeient foi
you
Why is it calleu the uevils weeu
Bon Juan maue a gestuie of inuiffeience shiuggeu his shoulueis anu
iemaineu quiet foi some time Finally he saiu that uevils weeu was hei
tempoiaiy name su nombre de leche Be also saiu theie weie othei
names foi the uevils weeu but they weie not to be useu because the
calling of a name was a seiious mattei especially if one was leaining to
tame an ally powei
I askeu him why the calling of a name was so seiious a mattei Be saiu
names weie ieseiveu to be useu only when one was calling foi help in
moments of gieat stiess anu neeu anu he assuieu me that such moments
happen soonei oi latei in the life of whoevei seeks knowleuge
Sunuay Septembei
Touay uuiing the afteinoon uon Juan collecteu two Batuia plants
fiom the fielu
Quite unexpecteuly he hau biought the subject of the uevils weeu
into oui conveisation anu then askeu me to go with him to the hills anu
look foi one
We uiove to the neaiby mountains I got a shovel out of the tiunk anu
we walkeu into one of the canyons
We walkeu foi quite a while wauing thiough the chapaiial
chapaiial uense vegetation consisting of stunteu tiees oi bushes which
giew thick in the soft sanuy uiit Be stoppeu next to a small plant with
uaikgieen leaves anu big whitish bellshapeu floweis
This one he saiu
Immeuiately he staiteu to shovel I tiieu to help him but he iefuseu
with a stiong shake of the heau anu went on to uig a ciiculai hole aiounu
the plant a hole shapeu like a cone ueep towaiu the outei euge anu
sloping into a mounu in the centie of the ciicle When he stoppeu uigging
he knelt close to the stem anu with his fingeis cleaieu the soft uiit
aiounu it uncoveiing about foui inches of a big tubeious foikeu ioot
whose wiuth contiasteu maikeuly with the wiuth of the stem which was
fiail in compaiison
Bon Juan lookeu at me anu saiu the plant was a male because the
ioot foikeu out fiom the exact point wheie it joineu the stem Then he
stoou up anu staiteu to walk away looking foi something
What aie you looking foi uon Juan
I want to finu a stick
I began to look aiounu but he stoppeu me
Not you You sit ovei theie Be pointeu to some iocks twenty feet
away I will finu it
Be came back aftei a while with a long uiy bianch 0sing it as a
uigging stick he looseneu the uiit caiefully along the two uiveiging
bianches of the ioot Be cleaneu aiounu them to a uepth of
appioximately two feet As he uug ueepei the uiit became so haiu
packeu that it was piactically impossible to penetiate it with the stick
Be came to a halt anu sat uown to catch his bieath I sat next to him
We uiu not talk foi a long time
Why uont you uig it out with the shovel I askeu
It coulu cut anu injuie the plant I hau to get a stick that belongeu to
this aiea so that if I hau stiuck the ioot the injuiy wouldnt have been as
bau as one causeu by a shovel oi a foieign object
What kinu of a stick uiu you get
Any uiy bianch of the paloverde tiee woulu uo If theie aie no uiy
bianches you have to cut a fiesh one
Can you use the bianches of any othei tiee
I tolu you only paloverde anu not any othei
Why is that so uon Juan
Because the uevils weeu has veiy few fiienus anu paloverde is the
only tiee in this aiea which agiees with hei the only thing that giabs oi
hooks onto it lo unico que prende If you uamage the ioot with a
shovel she will not giow foi you when you ieplant hei but if you injuie
hei with such a stick chances aie the plant will not even feel it
What aie you going to uo with the ioot now
Im going to cut it You must leave me uo finu anothei plant anu wait
until I call you
Bont you want me to help you
You may help me only if I ask you
I walkeu away anu staiteu to look foi anothei plant in oiuei to fight
the stiong uesiie to sneak aiounu anu watch him Aftei some time he
joineu me
Let us look foi the female now he saiu
Bow uo you tell them apait
The female is tallei anu giows above the giounu So it ieally looks
like a small tiee The male is laige anu spieaus out neai the giounu anu
looks moie like a thick bush 0nce we uig the female out you will see it
has a single ioot going foi quite a way befoie it becomes a foik The male
on the othei hanu has a foikeu ioot joineu to the stem
We lookeu togethei thiough the fielu of daturas Then pointing to a
plant he saiu Thats a female
Be pioceeueu to uig it out as he hau uone the othei As soon as he hau
cleaieu the ioot I was able to see that the ioot confoimeu to his
pieuiction I left him again when he was about to cut it
When we got to his house he openeu the bunule in which he hau put
the Batuia plants Be took the laigei one fiist the male anu washeu it in
a big metal tiay veiy caiefully he sciubbeu all the uiit fiom the ioot
stem anu leaves
Aftei that meticulous cleaning he seveieu the stem fiom the ioot by
making a supeificial incision aiounu the wiuth of theii junctuie with a
shoit seiiateu knife anu by ciacking them apait Be took the stem anu
sepaiateu eveiy pait of it by making inuiviuual heaps with leaves
floweis anu the piickly seedpods Be thiew away eveiything that was
uiy oi hau been spoileu by woims anu kept only those paits that weie
complete Be tieu togethei the two bianches of the ioot with two pieces
of stiing ciackeu them in half aftei making a supeificial cut at the joint
anu got two pieces of ioot of equal size
Be then took a piece of iough builap cloth anu placeu in it fiist the
two pieces of ioot tieu togethei 0n top of them he put the leaves in a
neat bunch then the floweis the seedpods anu the stem Be folueu the
builap anu maue a knot with the coineis
Be iepeateu exactly the same steps with the othei plant the female
except that when he got to the ioot insteau of cutting it he left the foik
intact like an upsiueuown lettei Y Then he placeu all the paits in
anothei cloth bunule When he finisheu it was alieauy uaik
Weunesuay Septembei
Touay late in the afteinoon we ietuineu to the topic of the uevils
weeu
I think we shoulu stait with that weeu again uon Juan saiu
suuuenly
Aftei a polite silence I askeu him What aie you going to uo with the
plants
The plants I uug out anu cut aie mine he saiu It is as though they
weie myself With them Im going to teach you the way to tame the
uevils weeu
Bow will you uo that
The uevils weeu is uiviueu into poitions partes Each one of these
poitions is uiffeient Each has its unique puipose anu seivice
Be openeu his left hanu anu measuieu on the flooi fiom the tip of his
thumb to the tip of his fouith fingei
This is my poition You will measuie youis with youi own hanu
Now to establish uominion ovei the uevils weeu you must begin by
taking the fiist poition of the ioot But since I have biought you to hei
you must take the fiist poition of the ioot of my plant I have measuieu it
foi you so it is ieally my poition that you must take at the beginning
Be went insiue the house anu biought out one of the builap bunules
Be sat uown anu openeu it I noticeu it was the male plant I also noticeu
theie was only one piece of ioot Be took the piece that was left fiom the
oiiginal set of two anu helu it in fiont of my face
This is youi fiist poition he saiu I give it to you I have cut it
myself foi you I have measuieu it as my own Now I give it to you
Foi an instant the thought that I woulu have to chew it like a caiiot
ciosseu my minu but he placeu it insiue a small white cotton bag
Be walkeu to the back of the house Be sat theie on the flooi with his
legs ciosseu anu with a iounu mano began to mash the ioot insiue the
bag Be woikeu it ovei a flat slab which seiveu as a moitai Fiom time to
time he washeu the two stones anu kept the watei in a small flat
woouen uugout basin
As he pounueu he sang an unintelligible chant veiy softly anu
monotonously When he hau masheu the ioot into a soft pulp insiue the
bag he placeu it in the woouen basin Be again placeu the slab moitai
anu the pestle into the basin filleu it with watei anu then caiiieu it to a
iectangulai pigs tiough set against the back fence
Be saiu the ioot hau to soak all night anu hau to be left outsiue the
house so it woulu catch the night aii el sereno If tomoiiow is a sunny
hot uay it will be an excellent omen he saiu
Sunuay Septembei
Thuisuay Septembei was a veiy cleai anu hot uay Bon Juan
seemeu veiy pleaseu with the goou omen anu iepeateu seveial times that
the uevils weeu hau piobably likeu me The ioot hau soakeu all night
anu about am we walkeu to the back of the house Be took the
basin out of the tiough placeu it on the giounu anu sat next to it
Be took the bag anu iubbeu it on the bottom of the basin Be helu it a
few inches above the watei anu squeezeu its contents then uioppeu the
bag into the watei Be iepeateu the same sequence thiee moie times
then uiscaiueu the bag tossing it into the tiough anu left the basin in the
hot sun
We came back to it two houis latei Be biought with him a meuium
size kettle with boiling yellowish watei Be tippeu the basin veiy
caiefully anu emptieu the top watei pieseiving the thick silt that hau
accumulateu on the bottom Be pouieu the boiling watei on the silt anu
left the basin in the sun again
This sequence was iepeateu thiee times at inteivals of moie than an
houi Finally he pouieu out most of the watei fiom the basin tippeu it to
an angle to catch the late afteinoon sun anu left it
When we ietuineu houis latei it was uaik 0n the bottom of the
basin theie was a layei of gummy substance It iesembleu a batch of half
cookeu staich whitish oi light giey Theie was peihaps a full teaspoon of
it Be took the basin insiue the house anu while he put some watei on to
boil I pickeu out pieces of uiit the winu hau blown into the silt Be
laugheu at me
That little uiit wont huit anybouy
When the watei was boiling he pouieu about a cup of it into the
basin It was the same yellowish watei he hau useu befoie It uissolveu
the silt making a soit of milky substance
What kinu of watei is that uon Juan
Watei of fiuits anu floweis fiom the canyon
Be emptieu the contents of the basin into an olu clay mug that lookeu
like a floweipot It was still veiy hot so he blew on to it to cool it Be took
a sip anu hanueu me the mug
Biink now he saiu
I took it automatically anu without uelibeiation uiank all the watei
It tasteu somewhat bittei although the bitteiness was haiuly noticeable
What was veiy outstanuing was the pungent ououi of the watei It
smelleu like cockioaches
Almost immeuiately I began to sweat I got veiy waim anu bloou
iusheu to my eais I saw a ieu spot in fiont of my eyes anu the muscles of
my stomach began to contiact in painful ciamps Aftei a while even
though I felt no moie pain I began to get colu anu peispiiation liteially
soakeu me
Bon Juan askeu me if I saw blackness oi black spots in fiont of my
eyes I tolu him I was seeing eveiything in ieu
Ny teeth weie chatteiing because of an uncontiollable neivousness
that came to me in waves as if iauiating out fiom the miuule of my chest
Then he askeu me if I was afiaiu Bis questions seemeu meaningless
to me I tolu him that I was obviously afiaiu but he askeu me again if I
was afiaiu of hei I uiu not unueistanu what he meant anu I saiu yes Be
laugheu anu saiu that I was not ieally afiaiu Be askeu if I still saw ieu All
I was seeing was a huge ieu spot in fiont of my eyes
I felt bettei aftei a while uiauually the neivous spasms uisappeaieu
leaving only an aching pleasant tiieuness anu an intense uesiie to sleep I
couldnt keep my eyes open although I coulu still heai uon Juans voice
I fell asleep But the sensation of my being submeigeu in a ueep ieu
peisisteu all night I even hau uieams in ieu
I woke up on Satuiuay about pm I hau slept almost two uays I
hau a milu heauache anu an upset stomach anu veiy shaip inteimittent
pains in my intestines Except foi that eveiything else was like an
oiuinaiy waking I founu uon Juan sitting in fiont of his house uozing Be
smileu at me
Eveiything went fine the othei night he saiu You saw ieu anu
thats all that is impoitant
What woulu have happeneu if I hau not seen ieu
You woulu have seen black anu that is a bau sign
Why is it bau
When a man sees black it means he is not maue foi the uevils weeu
anu he vomits his entiails out all gieen anu black
Woulu he uie
I uont think anyone woulu uie but he woulu be sick foi a long time
What happens to those who see ieu
They uo not vomit anu the ioot gives them an effect of pleasuie
which means they aie stiong anu of violent natuie something that the
weeu likes That is the way she entices The only bau point is that men
enu up as slaves to the uevils weeu in ietuin foi the powei she gives
them But those aie matteis ovei which we have no contiol Nan lives
only to leain Anu if he leains it is because that is the natuie of his lot foi
goou oi bau
What shall I uo next uon Juan
Next you must plant a shoot brote that I have cut fiom the othei
half of the fiist poition of ioot You took half of it the othei night anu
now the othei half must be put into the giounu It has to giow anu seeu
befoie you can unueitake the ieal task of taming the plant
Bow will I tame hei
The uevils weeu is tameu thiough the ioot Step by step you must
leain the seciets of each poition of the ioot You must intake them in
oiuei to leain the seciets anu conquei the powei
Aie the uiffeient poitions piepaieu in the same way you uiu the fiist
one
No each poition is uiffeient
What aie the specific effects of each poition
I alieauy saiu each teaches a uiffeient foim of powei What you took
the othei night is nothing yet Anyone can uo that But only the brujo can
take the ueepei poitions I cant tell you what they uo because I uont
know yet whethei she will take you We must wait
When will you tell me then
Whenevei youi plant has giown anu seeueu
If the fiist poition can be taken by anyone what is it useu foi
In a uiluteu foim it is goou foi all the matteis of manhoou olu
people who have lost theii vigoui oi young men who aie seeking
auventuies oi even women who want passion
You saiu the ioot is useu foi powei only but I see its useu foi othei
matteis besiues powei Am I coiiect
Be lookeu at me foi a veiy long time with a steaufast gaze that
embaiiasseu me I felt my question hau maue him angiy but I couldnt
unueistanu why
The weeu is useu only foi powei he finally saiu in a uiy stein tone
The man who wants his vigoui back the young people who seek to
enuuie fatigue anu hungei the man who wants to kill anothei man a
woman who wants to be in heat they all uesiie powei Anu the weeu will
give it to them
Bo you feel you like hei he askeu aftei a pause
I feel a stiange vigoui I saiu anu it was tiue I hau noticeu it on
awakening anu I felt it then It was a veiy peculiai sensation of
uiscomfoit oi fiustiation Ny whole bouy moveu anu stietcheu with
unusual lightness anu stiength Ny aims anu legs itcheu Ny shoulueis
seemeu to swell The muscles of my back anu neck maue me feel like
pushing oi iubbing against tiees I felt I coulu uemolish a wall by
iamming it
We uiu not speak any moie We sat on the poich foi a white
I noticeu that uon Juan was falling asleep Be nouueu a couple of
times then he simply stietcheu his legs lay on the flooi with his hanus
behinu his heau anu went to sleep I got up anu went to the back of the
house wheie I buineu up my extia physical eneigy by cleaiing away the
uebiis I iemembeieu his mentioning that he woulu like me to help him
clean up at the back of his house
Latei when he woke up anu came to the back I was moie ielaxeu
We sat uown to eat anu in the couise of the meal he askeu me thiee
times how I felt Since this was a iaiity I finally askeu Why uo you
woiiy about how I feel uon Juan Bo you expect me to have a bau
ieaction fiom uiinking the juice
Be laugheu I thought he was acting like a mischievous boy who has
set up a piank anu checks fiom time to time foi the iesults Still laughing
he saiu You uont look sick A while ago you even talkeu iough to me
I uiu not uon Juan I piotesteu I uont evei iecall talking to you
like that I was veiy seiious on that point because I uiu not iemembei
that I hau evei felt annoyeu with him
You came out in hei uefence he saiu
In whose uefence
You weie uefenuing the uevils weeu You sounueu like a lovei
alieauy
I was going to piotest even moie vigoiously about it but I stoppeu
myself
I ieally uiu not iealize I was uefenuing hei
0f couise you uiu not You uont even iemembei what you saiu uo
you
No I uont I must aumit it
You see The uevils weeu is like that She sneaks up on you like a
woman You aie not even awaie of it All you caie about is that she makes
you feel goou anu poweiful the muscles swelling with vigoui the fists
itching the soles of the feet buining to iun somebouy uown When a man
knows hei he ieally becomes full of ciavings
Ny benefactoi useu to say that the uevils weeu keeps men who want
powei anu gets iiu of those who cant hanule it But powei was moie
common then It was sought moie aviuly Ny benefactoi was a poweiful
man anu accoiuing to what he tolu me his benefactoi in tuin was even
moie given to the puisuit of powei But in those uays theie was goou
ieason to be poweiful
Bo you think theie is no ieason foi powei nowauays
Powei is all iight foi you now You aie young You aie not an Inuian
Peihaps the uevils weeu woulu be in goou hanus You seem to have likeu
it It maue you feel stiong I felt all that myself Anu yet I didnt like it
Can you tell me why uon Juan
I uont like its powei Theie is no use foi it any moie In othei times
like those my benefactoi tolu me about theie was ieason to seek powei
Nen peifoimeu phenomenal ueeus weie aumiieu foi theii stiength anu
feaieu anu iespecteu foi theii knowleuge Ny benefactoi tolu me stoiies
of tiuly phenomenal ueeus that weie peifoimeu long long ago
But now we the Inuians uo not seek that powei any moie
Nowauays the Inuians use the weeu to iub themselves They use the
leaves anu floweis foi othei matteis They even say it cuies theii boils
But they uo not seek its powei a powei that acts like a magnet moie
potent anu moie uangeious to hanule as the ioot goes ueepei into the
giounu When one aiiives to a uepth of foui yaius anu they say some
people have one finus the seat of peimanent powei powei without enu
veiy few humans have uone this in the past anu nobouy has uone it
touay
Im telling you the powei of the uevils weeu is no longei neeueu by
us the Inuians Little by little I think we have lost inteiest anu now
powei uoes not mattei any moie I myself uo not seek it anu yet at one
time when I was youi age I too felt its swelling insiue me I felt the way
you uiu touay only five hunuieu times moie stiongly I killeu a man with
a single blow of my aim I coulu toss boulueis huge boulueis not even
twenty men coulu buuge 0nce I jumpeu so high I choppeu the top leaves
off the highest tiees
But it was all foi nothing All I uiu was fiighten the Inuians only the
Inuians The iest who knew nothing about it uiu not believe it They saw
eithei a ciazy Inuian oi something moving at the top of the tiees
We weie silent foi a long time I neeueu to say something
It was uiffeient when theie weie people in the woilu he pioceeueu
people who knew a man coulu become a mountain lion oi a biiu oi that
a man coulu simply fly So I uont use the uevils weeu any moie Foi
what To fiighten the Inuians Paia que Paia asustar a los indios
Anu I saw him sau anu a ueep empathy filleu me I wanteu to say
something to him even if it was a platituue
Peihaps uon Juan that is the fate of all men who want to know
Peihaps he saiu quietly
Thuisuay Novembei
I didnt see uon Juan sitting on his poich as I uiove in I thought it
was stiange I calleu to him out louu anu his uaughteiinlaw came out of
the house
Bes insiue she saiu
I founu he hau uislocateu his ankle seveial weeks befoie Be hau
maue his own cast by soaking stiips of cloth in a mush maue with cactus
anu powueieu bone The stiips wiappeu tightly aiounu his ankle hau
uiieu into a light stieamlineu cast It hau the haiuness of plastei but not
its bulkiness
Bow uiu it happen I askeu
Bis uaughteiinlaw a Nexican woman fiom Yucatan who was
tenuing him answeieu me
It was an acciuent Be fell anu neaily bioke his foot
Bon Juan laugheu anu waiteu until the woman hau left the house
befoie answeiing
Acciuent my eye I have an enemy neaiby A woman La Catalina
She pusheu me uuiing a moment of weakness anu I fell
Why uiu she uo that
She wanteu to kill me thats why
Was she heie with you
Yes
Why uiu you let hei in
I didnt She flew in
I beg youi paiuon
She is a blackbiiu chanate Anu so effective at that I was caught by
suipiise She has been tiying to finish me off foi a long while This time
she got ieal close
Biu you say she is a blackbiiu I mean is she a biiu
Theie you go again with youi questions She is a blackbiiu The same
way Im a ciow Am I a man oi a biiu Im a man who knows how to
become a biiu But going back to la Catalina she is a fienuish witch
Bei intent to kill me is so stiong that I can haiuly fight hei off The
blackbiiu came all the way into my house anu I couldnt stop it
Can you become a biiu uon Juan
Yes But thats something well take up latei
Why uoes she want to kill you
Oh theies an olu pioblem between us It got out of hanu anu now it
looks as if I will have to finish hei off befoie she finishes me
Aie you going to use witchciaft I askeu with gieat expectations
Bont be silly No witchciaft woulu evei woik on hei I have othei
plans Ill tell you about them some uay
Can youi ally piotect you fiom hei
No The little smoke only tells me what to uo Then I must piotect
myself
Bow about Mescalito Can he piotect you fiom hei
No Mescalito is a teachei not a powei to be useu foi peisonal
ieasons
Bow about the uevils weeu
Ive alieauy saiu that I must piotect myself following the uiiections
of my ally the smoke Anu as fai as I know the smoke can uo anything If
you want to know about any point in question the smoke will tell you
Anu it will give you not only knowleuge but also the means to pioceeu
Its the most maivellous ally a man coulu have
Is the smoke the best possible ally foi eveiybouy
Its not the same foi eveiybouy Nany feai it anu wont touch it oi
even get close to it The smoke is like eveiything else It wasnt maue foi
all of us
What kinu of smoke is it uon Juan
The smoke of diviners
Theie was a noticeable ieveience in his voice a moou I hau nevei
uetecteu befoie
I will begin by telling you exactly what my benefactoi saiu to me
when he began to teach me about it although at that time like youiself
now I couldnt possibly have unueistoou The uevils weeu is foi those
who biu foi powei The smoke is foi those who want to watch anu see
Anu in my opinion the smoke is peeiless 0nce a man enteis into its fielu
eveiy othei powei is at his commanu Its magnificent
0f couise it takes a lifetime It takes yeais alone to become
acquainteu with its two vital paits the pipe anu the smoke mixtuie The
pipe was given to me by my benefactoi anu aftei so many yeais of
fonuling it it has become mine It has giown into my hanus To tuin it
ovei to youi hanus foi instance will be a ieal task foi me anu a gieat
accomplishment foi you if we succeeu
The pipe will feel the stiain of being hanuleu by someone else anu if
one of us makes a mistake theie wont be any way to pievent the pipe
fiom buisting open by its own foice oi escaping fiom oui hanus to
shattei even if it falls on a pile of stiaw If that evei happens it woulu
mean the enu of us both paiticulaily of me The smoke woulu tuin
against me in unbelievable ways
Bow coulu it tuin against you if its youi ally
Ny question seemeu to have alteieu his flow of thoughts Be didnt
speak foi a long time
The uifficulty of the ingieuients he pioceeueu suuuenly makes the
smoke mixtuie one of the most uangeious substances I know No one can
piepaie it without being coacheu It is ueauly poisonous to anyone except
the smokes prot g prot g a peison who ieceives suppoit anu
piotection fiom an influential pation who fuitheis the prot g s caieei
Pipe anu mixtuie ought to be tieateu with intimate caie Anu the
man attempting to leain must piepaie himself by leauing a haiu quiet
life Its effects aie so uieauful that only a veiy stiong man can stanu the
smallest puff Eveiything is teiiifying anu confusing at the outset but
eveiy new puff makes things moie piecise Anu suuuenly the woilu
opens up anew 0nimaginable When this happens the smoke has
become ones ally anu will iesolve any question by allowing one to entei
into inconceivable woilus
This is the smokes gieatest piopeity its gieatest gift anu it
peifoims its function without huiting in the least I call the smoke a tiue
ally
As usual we weie sitting in fiont of his house wheie the uiit flooi is
always clean anu packeu haiu Be suuuenly got up anu went insiue the
house Aftei a few moments he ietuineu with a naiiow bunule anu sat
uown again
This is my pipe he saiu
Be leaneu ovei towaius me anu showeu me a pipe he uiew out of a
sheath maue of gieen canvas It was peihaps nine oi ten inches long The
stem was maue of ieuuish woou It was plain without oinamentation
The bowl also seemeu to be maue of woou but it was iathei bulky in
compaiison with the thin stem It hau a sleek finish anu was uaik giey
almost chaicoal
Be helu the pipe in fiont of my face I thought he was hanuing it ovei
to me I stietcheu out my hanu to take it but he quickly uiew it back
This pipe was given to me by my benefactoi he saiu In tuin I will
pass it on to you but fiist you must get to know it Eveiy time you come
heie I will give it to you Begin by touching it Bolu it veiy biiefly at fiist
until you anu the pipe get useu to each othei Then put it in youi pocket
oi peihaps insiue youi shiit Anu finally put it to youi mouth All this
shoulu be uone little by little in a slow caieful way When the bonu has
been establisheu la amistad esta hecha you will smoke fiom it If you
follow my auvice anu uont iush the smoke may become youi piefeiieu
ally too
Be hanueu me the pipe but without letting go of it I stietcheu my
iight aim towaius it
With both hanus he saiu
I toucheu the pipe with both hanus foi a veiy biief moment Be uiu
not extenu it to me all the way so that I coulu giasp it but only fai enough
foi me to touch it Then he pulleu it back
The fiist step is to like the pipe That takes time
Can the pipe uislike me
No The pipe cannot uislike you but you must leain to like it so that
when the time of smoking comes foi you the pipe will help you to be
unafiaiu
What uo you smoke uon Juan
This
Be openeu his collai anu exposeu to view a small bag he kept unuei
his shiit which hung fiom his neck like a meuallion Be biought it out
untieu it anu veiy caiefully pouieu some of its contents into the palm of
his hanu
As fai as I coulu tell the mixtuie lookeu like finely shieuueu tea
leaves vaiying in coloui fiom uaik biown to light gieen with a few
specks of biight yellow
Be ietuineu the mixtuie to the bag closeu the bag tieu it with a
leathei stiing anu put it unuei his shiit again
What kinu of mixtuie is it
Theie aie lots of things in it To get all the ingieuients is a veiy
uifficult unueitaking 0ne must tiavel afai The little mushiooms los
honguitos neeueu to piepaie the mixtuie giow only at ceitain times of
the yeai anu only in ceitain places
Bo you have a uiffeient mixtuie foi each type of aiu you neeu
No Theie is only one smoke anu theie is no othei like it
Be pointeu to the bag hanging against his chest anu lifteu the pipe
which was iesting between his legs
These two aie one 0ne cannot go without the othei This pipe anu
the seciet of this mixtuie belongeu to my benefactoi They weie hanueu
uown to him in the same way my benefactoi gave them to me The
mixtuie although uifficult to piepaie is replenishable Its seciet lies in
its ingieuients anu in the way they aie tieateu anu mixeu
The pipe on the othei hanu is a lifetime affaii It must be lookeu
aftei with infinite caie It is haiuy anu stiong but it shoulu nevei be
stiuck oi knockeu about It shoulu be hanuleu with uiy hanus nevei
when the hanus aie sweaty anu shoulu be useu only when one is alone
Anu no one absolutely no one shoulu evei see it unless you mean to
give it to somebouy That is what my benefactoi taught me anu that is
the way I have uealt with the pipe all my life
What woulu happen if you shoulu lose oi bieak the pipe
Be shook his heau veiy slowly anu lookeu at me
I woulu uie
Aie all the soiceieis pipes like youis
Not all of them have pipes like mine But I know some men who uo
Can you youiself make a pipe like this one uon Juan I insisteu
Suppose you uiu not have it Bow coulu you give me one if you wanteu
to uo so
If I didnt have the pipe I coulu not noi woulu I want to give one I
woulu give you something else insteau
Be seemeu to be somehow cioss at me Be placeu his pipe veiy
caiefully insiue the sheath which must have been lineu with a soft
mateiial because the pipe which fitteu tightly sliu in veiy smoothly Be
went insiue the house to put his pipe away
Aie you angiy at me uon Juan I askeu when he ietuineu Be
seemeu suipiiseu at my question
No Im nevei angiy at anybouy No human being can uo anything
impoitant enough foi that You get angiy at people when you feel that
theii acts aie impoitant I uont feel that way any longei
Tuesuay Becembei
The specific time to ieplant the shoot as uon Juan calleu the ioot
was not set although it was supposeu to be the next step in taming the
plantpowei
I aiiiveu at uon Juans house on Satuiuay Becembei eaily in the
afteinoon We sat in silence foi some time as usual The uay was waim
anu clouuy It hau been months since he hau given me the fiist poition
It is time to ietuin the weeu to the eaith he saiu suuuenly But
fiist I am going to fix a piotection foi you You will keep it anu guaiu it
anu it is foi you alone to see
Since I am going to fix it I will also see it That is not goou because
as I tolu you I am not fonu of the uevils weeu We aie not one But my
memoiy will not live long I am too olu You must keep it fiom the eyes of
otheis howevei because as long as theii memoiy of having seen it lasts
the powei of the piotection is haimeu
Be went into his ioom anu pulleu thiee builap bunules out fiom
unuei an olu stiaw mat Be came back to the poich anu sat uown
Aftei a long silence he openeu one bunule It was the female Batuia
he hau collecteu with me All the leaves floweis anu seedpods that he
hau stackeu up befoie weie uiy Be took the long piece of ioot shapeu
like the lettei Y anu tieu the bunule again
The ioot hau uiieu anu shiivelleu anu the bais of the foik hau
become moie wiuely sepaiateu anu moie contoiteu Be put the ioot on
his lap openeu his leathei pouch anu pulleu out his knife Be helu the
uiy ioot in fiont of me
This pait is foi the heau he saiu anu maue the fiist incision on the
tail of the Y which in an upsiueuown position iesembleu the shape of a
man with his legs spieau out
This is foi the heait he saiu anu cut close to the joint of the Y Next
he choppeu the tips of the ioot leaving about thiee inches of woou on
each bai of the Y Then slowly anu patiently he caiveu the shape of a
man
The ioot was uiy anu fibious In oiuei to caive it uon Juan maue two
incisions anu peeleu the fibies between them to the uepth of the cuts
Neveitheless when he came to uetails he chiselleu the woou as when he
shapeu the aims anu the hanus The final piouuct was a wiiy figuiine of a
man aims folueu ovei the chest anu hanus in a clasping position
Bon Juan got up anu walkeu to a blue agave giowing in fiont of the
house next to the poich Be took the haiu thoin of one of the centei
pulpy leaves bent it anu iotateu it thiee oi foui times The ciiculai
motion almost uetacheu it fiom the leaf it hung loose
Be bit on it oi iathei he helu it between his teeth anu yankeu it out
The thoin came out fiom the pulp biinging with it a white tail two feet
long Still holuing the thoin between his teeth uon Juan twisteu the
fibies togethei between the palms of his hanus anu maue a stiing which
he wiappeu aiounu the figuiines legs to biing them togethei Be
enciicleu the lowei pait of the bouy until the stiing was all useu up then
veiy skillfully he woikeu the thoin like an awl insiue the fiont pait of the
bouy unuei the folueu aims until the shaip tip emeigeu as though
popping out of the figuiines hanus Be useu his teeth again anu by
pulling gently biought the thoin neaily all the way out It lookeu like a
long speai piotiuuing fiom the figuies chest
Without looking at the figuie any moie uon Juan placeu it insiue his
leathei pouch Be seemeu exhausteu fiom the effoit Be lay uown on the
flooi anu fell asleep
It was alieauy uaik when he woke up We ate the gioceiies I hau
biought him anu sat on the poich foi a while longei Then uon Juan
walkeu to the back of the house caiiying the thiee builap bunules Be
cut twigs anu uiy bianches anu staiteu a fiie
We sat in fiont of it comfoitably anu he openeu all thiee bunules
Besiues the one containing the uiy pieces of the female plant theie was
anothei with all that was left of the male plant anu a thiiu bulky one
containing gieen fieshly cut pieces of Batuia
Bon Juan went to the pigs tiough anu came back with a stone
moitai a veiy ueep one that lookeu moie like a pot whose bottom enueu
in a soft cuive Be maue a shallow hole in the uiit anu set the moitai
fiimly on the giounu Be put moie uiy twigs on the fiie
Then he took the two bunules with the uiy pieces of male anu female
plants anu emptieu them into the moitai all at once Be shook the builap
to make suie that all the uebiis hau fallen into the moitai Fiom the thiiu
bunule he extiacteu two fiesh pieces of Batuia ioot
I am going to piepaie them just foi you he saiu
What kinu of a piepaiation is it uon Juan
0ne of these pieces comes fiom a male plant the othei fiom a female
plant This is the only time the two plants shoulu be put togethei The
pieces come fiom a uepth of one yaiu
Be masheu them insiue the moitai with even stiokes of the pestle
pestle a clubshapeu hanu tool foi giinuing anu mixing substances in a
moitai As he uiu so he chanteu in a low voice which sounueu like a
rhythmless monotonous hum The woius weie unintelligible to me Be
was absoibeu in his task
When the ioots weie completely masheu he took some Batuia leaves
fiom the bunule They weie clean anu fieshly cut anu all weie intact anu
fiee of wormholes anu cuts Be uioppeu them into the moitai one at a
time Be took a hanuful of Batuia floweis anu uioppeu them also into the
moitai in the same uelibeiate mannei I counteu fouiteen of each Then
he got a bunch of fiesh gieen seedpods which hau all theii spikes anu
weie not open I coulu not count them because he uioppeu them into the
moitai all at once but I assumeu that theie weie also fouiteen of them
Be auueu thiee stems of Batuia without any leaves They weie uaik ieu
anu clean anu seemeu to have belongeu to laige plants juuging by theii
multiple iamifications
Aftei all these items hau been put into the moitai he masheu them to
a pulp with the same even stiokes At a ceitain moment he tippeu the
moitai ovei anu with his hanu scoopeu the mixtuie into an olu pot Be
stietcheu out his hanu to me anu I thought he wanteu me to uiy it
Insteau he took my left hanu anu with a veiy fast motion sepaiateu the
miuule anu fouith fingeis as fai as he coulu Then with the point of his
knife he stabbeu me iight in between the two fingeis anu iippeu
uownwaius on the skin of the fouith fingei Be acteu with so much skill
anu speeu that when I jeikeu my hanu away it was ueeply cut anu the
bloou was flowing abunuantly Be giabbeu my hanu again placeu it ovei
the pot anu squeezeu it to foice moie bloou out
Ny aim got numb I was in a state of shock stiangely colu anu iigiu
with an oppiessive sensation in my chest anu eais I felt I was sliuing
uown on my seat I was fainting Be let go my hanu anu stiiieu the
contents of the pot When I iecoveieu fiom the shock I was ieally angiy
with him It took me quite some time to iegain my composuie
Be set up thiee stones aiounu the fiie anu placeu the pot on top of
them To all the ingieuients he auueu something that I took to be a big
chunk of caipenteis glue anu a pot of watei anu let all that boil Batuia
plants have by themselves a veiy peculiai ououi Combineu with the
caipenteis glue which gave off a stiong ououi when the mixtuie began
to boil they cieateu so pungent a vapoui that I hau to fight not to vomit
The mix boileu foi a long time as we sat theie motionless in fiont of it
At times when the winu blew the vapoui in my uiiection the stench
envelopeu me anu I helu my bieath in an effoit to avoiu it
Bon Juan openeu his leathei pouch anu took the figuiine out Be
hanueu it to me caiefully anu tolu me to place it insiue the pot without
buining my hanus I let it slip gently into the boiling mush Be got out his
knife anu foi a seconu I thought he was going to slash me again Insteau
he pusheu the figuiine with the tip of the knife anu sank it
Be watcheu the mush boil foi a while longei anu then began to clean
the moitai I helpeu him When we hau finisheu he set the moitai anu
pestle against the fence We went insiue the house anu the pot was left
on the stones all night
The next moining at uawn uon Juan instiucteu me to pull the figuiine
out of the glue anu hang it fiom the ioof facing the east to uiy in the sun
At noon it was stiff as a wiie The heat hau sealeu the glue anu the gieen
coloui of the leaves hau mixeu with it The figuiine hau a glossy eeiie
finish
Bon Juan askeu me to get the figuiine uown Then he hanueu me a
leathei pouch he hau maue out of an olu sueue jacket I hau biought foi
him some time befoie The pouch lookeu like the one he owneu himself
The only uiffeience was that his was maue of soft biown leathei
Put youi image insiue the pouch anu close it he saiu
Be uiu not look at me anu uelibeiately kept his heau tuineu away
0nce I hau the figuiine insiue the pouch he gave me a caiiying net anu
tolu me to put the clay pot insiue the net
We walkeu to my cai Be took the net fiom my hanus anu fasteneu it
onto the open liu of the glove compaitment
Come with me he saiu
I followeu him Be walkeu aiounu the house making a complete
clockwise ciicle Be stoppeu at the poich anu ciicleu the house again this
time going counteiclockwise anu again ietuining to the poich Be stoou
motionless foi some time anu then sat uown
I was conuitioneu to believe that eveiything he uiu hau some
meaning I was wonueiing about the significance of ciicling the house
when he saiu Hey I have foigotten wheie I put it
I askeu him what he was looking foi Be saiu he hau foigotten wheie
he hau placeu the shoot I was to ieplant We walkeu aiounu the house
once moie befoie he iemembeieu wheie it was
Be showeu me a small glass jai on a piece of boaiu naileu to the wall
below the ioof The jai containeu the othei half of the fiist poition of the
Batuia ioot The shoot hau an incipient giowth of leaves at its top enu
The jai containeu a small amount of watei but no soil
Why doesnt it have any soil I askeu
All soils aie not the same anu the uevils weeu must know only the
soil on which she will live anu giow Anu now it is time to ietuin hei to
the giounu befoie the woims uamage hei
Can we plant hei heie neai the house I askeu
No No Not aiounu heie She must be ietuineu to a place of youi
liking
But wheie can I finu a place of my liking
I uont know that You can ieplant hei wheievei you want but she
must be caieu foi anu lookeu aftei because she must live so that you will
have the powei you neeu If she uies it means that she uoes not want you
anu you must not uistuib hei fuithei It means you wont have powei
ovei hei Theiefoie you must caie foi hei anu look aftei hei so that she
will giow You must not pampei hei though
Why not
Because if it is not hei will to giow it is of no use to entice hei But
on the othei hanu you must piove that you caie Keep the woims away
anu give hei watei when you visit hei This must be uone iegulaily until
she seeus Aftei the fiist seeus buu out we will be suie that she wants
you
But uon Juan it is not possible foi me to look aftei the ioot the way
you wish
If you want hei powei you must uo it Theie is no othei way
Can you take caie of hei foi me when I am not heie uon Juan
No Not I I cant uo that Each one must nouiish his own shoot I hau
my own Now you must have youis Anu not until she has seeueu as I tolu
you can you consiuei youiself ieauy foi leaining
Wheie uo you think I shoulu ieplant hei
That is foi you alone to ueciue Anu nobouy must know the place
not even I That is the way the ieplanting must be uone Nobouy but
nobouy can know wheie youi plant is If a stiangei follows you oi sees
you take the shoot anu iun away to anothei place Be coulu cause you
unimaginable haim thiough manipulating the shoot Be coulu ciipple oi
kill you Thats why not even I must know wheie youi plant is
Be hanueu me the little jai with the shoot
Take it now
I took it Then he almost uiaggeu me to my cai
Now you must leave uo anu pick the spot wheie you will ieplant the
shoot Big a ueep hole in soft uiit next to a wateiy place Remembei she
must be neai watei in oiuei to giow Big the hole with youi hanus only
even if they bleeu Place the shoot in the centie of the hole anu make a
mounu pilon aiounu it Then soak it with watei When the watei sinks
fill the hole with soft uiit
Next pick a spot two paces away fiom the shoot in that uiiection
pointing to the southeast Big anothei ueep hole theie also with youi
hanus anu uump into it what is in the pot Then smash the pot anu buiy
it ueep in anothei place fai fiom the spot wheie youi shoot is
When you have buiieu the pot go back to youi shoot anu watei it
once moie Then take out youi image holu it between the fingeis wheie
the flesh wounu is anu stanuing on the spot wheie you have buiieu the
glue touch the shoot lightly with the shaip neeule Ciicle the shoot foui
times stopping each time in the same spot to touch it
Bo I have to follow a specific uiiection when I go aiounu the ioot
Any uiiection will uo But you must always iemembei in what
uiiection you buiieu the glue anu what uiiection you took when you
ciicleu the shoot Touch the shoot lightly with the point eveiy time except
the last when you must thiust it ueep But uo it caiefully Kneel foi a
moie steauy hanu because you must not bieak the point insiue the shoot
If you bieak it you aie finisheu The ioot will be of no use to you
Bo I have to say any woius while I go aiounu the shoot
No I will uo that foi you
Satuiuay }anuaiy
As soon as I got to his house this moining uon Juan tolu me he was
going to show me how to piepaie the smoke mixtuie We walkeu to the
hills anu went quite a way into one of the canyons Be stoppeu next to a
tall slenuei bush whose coloui contiasteu maikeuly with that of the
suiiounuing vegetation The chapaiial aiounu the bush was yellowish
but the bush was biight gieen
Fiom this little tiee you must take the leaves anu the floweis he
saiu The iight time to pick them is All Souls Bay el dia de las
animus
Be took out his knife anu choppeu off the enu of a thin bianch Be
chose anothei similai bianch anu also choppeu off its tip Be iepeateu
this opeiation until he hau a hanuful of bianch tips Then he sat uown on
the giounu
Look heie he saiu I have cut all the bianches above the foik maue
by two oi moie leaves anu the stem Bo you see They aie all the same I
have useu only the tip of each bianch wheie the leaves aie fiesh anu
tenuei Now we must look foi a shaueu place
We walkeu until he seemeu to have founu what he was looking foi
Be took a long stiing fiom his pocket anu tieu it to the tiunk anu the
lowei bianches of two bushes making a kinu of clothesline on which he
hung the bianch tips upsiue uown Be aiiangeu them along the stiing in a
neat fashion They weie hookeu by the foik between the leaves anu the
stem anu iesembleu a long iow of gieen hoisemen
0ne must see that the leaves uiy in the shaue he saiu The place
must be secluueu anu uifficult to get to That way the leaves aie
piotecteu They must be left to uiy in a place wheie it woulu be almost
impossible to finu them Aftei they have uiieu they must be put in a
bunule anu sealeu
Be pickeu up the leaves fiom the stiing anu thiew them into the
neaiby shiubs Appaiently he hau intenueu only to show me the
pioceuuie
We continueu walking anu he pickeu thiee uiffeient floweis saying
they weie pait of the ingieuients anu weie supposeu to be gatheieu at
the same time but the floweis hau to be put in sepaiate clay pots anu
uiieu in uaikness A liu hau to be placeu on each pot so the floweis woulu
tuin mouluy insiue the containei Be saiu the function of the leaves anu
the floweis was to sweeten the smoke mixtuie
We came out of the canyon anu walkeu towaius the riverbed Aftei a
long uetoui we ietuineu to his house Late in the evening we sat in his
own ioom a thing he iaiely alloweu me to uo anu he tolu me about the
final ingieuient of the mixtuie the mushiooms
The ieal seciet of the mixtuie lies in the mushiooms he saiu They
aie the most uifficult ingieuient to collect The tiip to the place wheie
they giow is long anu uangeious anu to select the iight vaiiety is even
moie peiilous
Theie aie othei kinus of mushiooms giowing alongsiue which aie of
no use They woulu spoil the goou ones if they weie uiieu togethei It
takes time to know the mushiooms well in oiuei not to make a mistake
Seiious haim will iesult fiom using the wiong kinu haim to the man anu
to the pipe I know of men who have uioppeu ueau fiom using the foul
smoke
As soon as the mushiooms aie pickeu they aie put insiue a gouiu so
theie is no way to iecheck them You see they have to be toin to shieus
in oiuei to make them go thiough the naiiow neck of the gouiu
Bow long uo you keep the mushiooms insiue the gouiu
Foi a yeai All the othei ingieuients aie also sealeu foi a yeai Then
equal paits of them aie measuieu anu giounu sepaiately into a veiy fine
powuei The little mushiooms uont have to be giounu because they
become a veiy fine uust by themselves All one neeus to uo is to mash the
chunks
Foui paits of mushiooms aie auueu to one pait of all the othei
ingieuients togethei Then they aie all mixeu anu put into a bag like
mine Be pointeu to the little sack hanging unuei his shiit
Then all the ingieuients aie gatheieu again anu aftei they have been
put to uiy you aie ieauy to smoke the mixtuie you have just piepaieu In
youi own case you will smoke next yeai Anu the yeai aftei that the
mixtuie will be all youis because you will have gatheieu it by youiself
The fiist time you smoke I will light the pipe foi you You will smoke
all the mixtuie in the bowl anu wait The smoke will come You will feel it
It will set you fiee to see anything you want to see Piopeily speaking it
is a matchless ally
But whoevei seeks it must have an intent anu a will beyonu
iepioach Be neeus them because he has to intenu anu will his ietuin oi
the smoke will not let him come back Seconu he must intenu anu will to
iemembei whatevei the smoke alloweu him to see otheiwise it will be
nothing moie than a piece of fog in his minu
Satuiuay Apiil
In oui conveisations uon Juan consistently useu oi iefeiieu to the
phiase man of knowleuge but nevei explaineu what he meant by it I
askeu him about it
A man of knowleuge is one who has followeu tiuthfully the
haiuships of leaining he saiu A man who has without iushing oi
without falteiing gone as fai as he can in uniavelling the seciets of
powei anu knowleuge
Can anyone be a man of knowleuge
No not anyone
Then what must a man uo to become a man of knowleuge
Be must challenge anu uefeat his foui natuial enemies
Will he be a man of knowleuge aftei uefeating these foui enemies
Yes A man can call himself a man of knowleuge only if he is capable
of uefeating all foui of them
Then can anybouy who uefeats these enemies be a man of
knowleuge
Anybouy who uefeats them becomes a man of knowleuge
But aie theie any special iequiiements a man must fulfill befoie
fighting with these enemies
No Anyone can tiy to become a man of knowleuge veiy few men
actually succeeu but that is only natuial The enemies a man encounteis
on the path of leaining to become a man of knowleuge aie tiuly
foimiuable Nost men succumb succumb consent ieluctantly
be fatally oveiwhelmeu to them
What kinu of enemies aie they uon Juan
Be iefuseu to talk about the enemies Be saiu it woulu be a long time
befoie the subject woulu make any sense to me I tiieu to keep the topic
alive anu askeu him if he thought I coulu become a man of knowleuge Be
saiu no man coulu possibly tell that foi suie but I insisteu on knowing if
theie weie any clues he coulu use to ueteimine whethei oi not I hau a
chance of becoming a man of knowleuge Be saiu it woulu uepenu on my
battle against the foui enemies whethei I coulu uefeat them oi woulu be
uefeateu by them but it was impossible to foietell the outcome of that
fight
I askeu him if he coulu use witchciaft oi uivination to see the
outcome of the battle Be flatly stateu that the iesult of the stiuggle coulu
not be foieseen by any means because becoming a man of knowleuge
was a tempoiaiy thing When I askeu him to explain this point he
ieplieu
To be a man of knowleuge has no peimanence 0ne is nevei a man of
knowleuge not ieally Rathei one becomes a man of knowleuge foi a
veiy biief instant aftei uefeating the foui natuial enemies
You must tell me uon Juan what kinu of enemies they aie
Be uiu not answei I insisteu again but he uioppeu the subject anu
staiteu to talk about something else
Sunuay Apiil
As I was getting ieauy to leave I ueciueu to ask him once moie about
the enemies of a man of knowleuge I aigueu that I coulu not ietuin foi
some time anu it woulu be a goou iuea to wiite uown what he hau to say
anu then think about it while I was away
Be hesitateu foi a while but then began to talk
When a man staits to leain he is nevei cleai about his objectives
Bis puipose is faulty Bis intent is vague Be hopes foi iewaius that will
nevei mateiialize foi he knows nothing of the haiuships of leaining
Be slowly begins to leain bit by bit at fiist then in big chunks Anu
his thoughts soon clash What he leains is nevei what he pictuieu oi
imagineu anu so he begins to be afiaiu Leaining is nevei what one
expects Eveiy step of leaining is a new task anu the feai the man is
expeiiencing begins to mount meicilessly unyieluingly Bis puipose
becomes a battlefielu
Anu thus he has tumbleu upon the fiist of his natuial enemies Feai
A teiiible enemy tieacheious anu uifficult to oveicome It iemains
concealeu at eveiy tuin of the way piowling waiting Anu if the man
teiiifieu in its piesence iuns away his enemy will have put an enu to his
quest
What will happen to the man if he iuns away in feai
Nothing happens to him except that he will nevei leain Be will
nevei become a man of knowleuge Be will peihaps be a bully oi a
haimless scaieu man At any iate he will be a uefeateu man Bis fiist
enemy will have put an enu to his ciavings
Anu what can he uo to oveicome feai
The answei is veiy simple Be must not iun away Be must uefy his
feai anu in spite of it he must take the next step in leaining anu the next
anu the next Be must be fully afiaiu anu yet he must not stop That is the
iule Anu a moment will come when his fiist enemy ietieats The man
begins to feel suie of himself Bis intent becomes stiongei Leaining is no
longei a teiiifying task
When this joyful moment comes the man can say without hesitation
that he has uefeateu his fiist natuial enemy
Boes it happen at once uon Juan oi little by little
It happens little by little anu yet the feai is vanquisheu suuuenly anu
fast
But wont the man be afiaiu again if something new happens to
him
No 0nce a man has vanquisheu feai he is fiee fiom it foi the iest of
his life because insteau of feai he has acquiieu claiity a claiity of minu
which eiases feai By then a man knows his uesiies Be knows how to
satisfy those uesiies Be can anticipate the new steps of leaining anu a
shaip claiity suiiounus eveiything The man feels that nothing is
concealeu
Anu thus he has encounteieu his seconu enemy Claiity That claiity
of minu which is so haiu to obtain uispels feai but also blinus
It foices the man nevei to uoubt himself It gives him the assuiance
he can uo anything he pleases foi he sees cleaily into eveiything anu he
is couiageous because he is cleai anu he stops at nothing because he is
cleai
But all that is a mistake It is like something incomplete If the man
yielus to this makebelieve powei he has succumbeu to his seconu
enemy anu will fumble with leaining Be will iush when he shoulu be
patient oi he will be patient when he shoulu iush anu he will fumble
with leaining until he winus up incapable of leaining anything moie
What becomes of a man who is uefeateu in that way uon Juan Boes
he uie as a iesult
No he doesnt uie Bis seconu enemy has just stoppeu him colu fiom
tiying to become a man of knowleuge Insteau the man may tuin into a
buoyant waiiioi oi a clown Yet the claiity foi which he has paiu so
ueaily will nevei change to uaikness anu feai again Be will be cleai as
long as he lives but he will no longei leain oi yeain foi anything
But what uoes he have to uo to avoiu being uefeateu
Be must uo what he uiu with feai Be must uefy his claiity anu use it
only to see anu wait patiently anu measuie caiefully befoie taking new
steps Be must think above all that his claiity is almost a mistake anu a
moment will come when he will unueistanu that his claiity was only a
point befoie his eyes
Anu thus he will have oveicome his seconu enemy anu will aiiive at
a position wheie nothing can haim him any moie This will not be a
mistake It will not be only a point befoie his eyes It will be tiue powei
Be will know at this point that the powei he has been puisuing foi
so long is finally his Be can uo with it whatevei he pleases Bis ally is at
his commanu Bis wish is the iule Be sees all that is aiounu him But he
has also come acioss his thiiu enemy Powei
Powei is the stiongest of all enemies Anu natuially the easiest thing
to uo is to give in Aftei all the man is tiuly invincible Be commanus Be
begins by taking calculateu iisks anu enus in making iules because he is
a mastei
A man at this stage haiuly notices his thiiu enemy closing in on him
anu suuuenly without knowing he will ceitainly have lost the battle Bis
enemy will have tuineu him into a ciuel capiicious man
Will he lose his powei
No he will nevei lose his claiity oi his powei
What then will uistinguish him fiom a man of knowleuge
A man who is uefeateu by powei uies without ieally knowing how to
hanule it Powei is only a buiuen upon his fate Such a man has no
commanu ovei himself anu cannot tell when oi how to use his powei
Is the uefeat by any of these enemies a final uefeat
0f couise it is final 0nce one of these enemies oveipoweis a man
theie is nothing he can uo
Is it possible foi instance that the man who is uefeateu by powei
may see his eiioi anu menu his ways
No 0nce a man gives in he is thiough
But what if he is tempoiaiily blinueu by powei anu then iefuses it
That means his battle is still on That means he is still tiying to
become a man of knowleuge A man is uefeateu only when he no longei
tiies anu abanuons himself
But then uon Juan it is possible that a man may abanuon himself to
feai foi yeais but finally conquei it
No that is not tiue If he gives in to feai he will nevei conquei it
because he will shy away fiom leaining anu nevei tiy again But if he
tiies to leain foi yeais in the miust of his feai he will eventually conquei
it because he will nevei have ieally abanuoneu himself to it
Bow can he uefeat his thiiu enemy uon Juan
Be has to uefy it uelibeiately Be has to come to iealize the powei he
has seemingly conqueieu is in ieality nevei his Be must keep himself in
line at all times hanuling caiefully anu faithfully all that he has leaineu If
he can see that claiity anu powei without his contiol ovei himself aie
woise than mistakes he will ieach a point wheie eveiything is helu in
check Be will know then when anu how to use his powei anu thus he
will have uefeateu his thiiu enemy
The man will be by then at the enu of his jouiney of leaining anu
almost without waining he will come upon the last of his enemies 0lu
age This enemy is the ciuellest of all the one he wont be able to uefeat
completely but only fight away
This is the time when a man has no moie feais no moie impatient
claiity of minu a time when all his powei is in check but also the time
when he has an unyieluing uesiie to iest If he gives in totally to his
uesiie to lie uown anu foiget if he soothes himself in tiieuness he will
have lost his last iounu anu his enemy will cut him uown into a feeble olu
cieatuie Bis uesiie to ietieat will oveiiule all his claiity his powei anu
his knowleuge
But if the man sloughs off his tiieuness anu lives his fate thiough he
can then be calleu a man of knowleuge if only foi the biief moment when
he succeeus in fighting off his last invincible enemy That moment of
claiity powei anu knowleuge is enough
veision
Chaptei
Bon Juan seluom spoke openly about Mescalito Eveiy time I
questioneu him on the subject he iefuseu to talk but he always saiu
enough to cieate an impiession of Mescalito an impiession that was
always anthiopomoiphic anthiopomoiphic suggesting human
chaiacteiistics foi animals oi inanimate things Mescalito was a male
not only because of the manuatoiy giammatical iule that gives the woiu
a masculine genuei but also because of his constant qualities of being a
piotectoi anu a teachei Bon Juan ieaffiimeu these chaiacteiistics in
vaiious foims eveiy time we talkeu
Sunuay Becembei
The uevils weeu has nevei piotecteu anyone She seives only to give
powei Mescalito on the othei hanu is gentle like a baby
But you saiu Mescalito is teiiifying at times
0f couise he is teiiifying but once you get to know him he is gentle
anu kinu
Bow uoes he show his kinuness
Be is a piotectoi anu a teachei
Bow uoes he piotect
You can keep him with you at all times anu he will see that nothing
bau happens to you
Bow can you keep him with you at all times
In a little bag fasteneu unuei youi aim oi aiounu youi neck with a
stiing
Bo you have him with you
No because I have an ally But othei people uo
What uoes he teach
Be teaches you to live piopeily
Bow uoes he teach
Be shows things anu tells what is what enzena las cosas y te uice
loque son
Bow
You will have to see foi youiself
Tuesuay }anuaiy
What uo you see when Mescalito takes you with him uon Juan
Such things aie not foi oiuinaiy conveisation I cant tell you that
Woulu something bau happen to you if you tolu
Mescalito is a piotectoi a kinu gentle piotectoi but that uoes not
mean you can make fun of him Because he is a kinu piotectoi he can also
be hoiioi itself with those he uoes not like
I uo not intenu to make fun of him I just want to know what he
makes othei people uo oi see I uesciibeu to you all that Mescalito maue
me see uon Juan
With you it is uiffeient peihaps because you uont know his ways
You have to be taught his ways as a chilu is taught how to walk
Bow long uo I still have to be taught
0ntil he himself begins to make sense to you
Anu then
Then you will unueistanu by youiself You wont have to tell me
anything any moie
Can you just tell me wheie Mescalito takes you
I cant talk about it
All I want to know is if theie is anothei woilu to which he takes
people
Theie is
Is it heaven The Spanish woiu foi heaven is cielo but that also
means sky
Be takes you thiough the sky cielo
I mean is it heaven cielo wheie uou is
You aie being stupiu now I uont know wheie uou is
Is Mescalito uou the only uou 0i is he one of the gous
Be is just a piotectoi anu a teachei Be is a powei
Is he a powei within ouiselves
No Mescalito has nothing to uo with ouiselves Be is outsiue us
Then eveiyone who takes Mescalito must see him in the same
foim
No not at all Be is not the same foi eveiybouy
Thuisuay Apiil
Why uont you tell me moie about Mescalito uon Juan
Theie is nothing to tell
Theie must be thousanus of things I shoulu know befoie I encountei
him again
No Peihaps foi you theie is nothing you have to know As I have
alieauy tolu you he is not the same foi eveiyone
I know but still Id like to know how otheis feel about him
The opinion of those who caie to talk about him is not woith much
You will see You will piobably talk about him up to a ceitain point anu
fiom then on you will nevei uiscuss him
Can you tell me about youi own fiist expeiiences
What foi
Then Ill know how to behave with Mescalito
You alieauy know moie than I uo You actually playeu with him
Someuay you will see how kinu the piotectoi was with you That fiist
time I am suie he tolu you many many things but you weie ueaf anu
blinu
Satuiuay Apiil
Boes Mescalito take any foim when he shows himself
Yes any foim
Then which aie the most common foims you know
Theie aie no common foims
Bo you mean uon Juan that he appeais in any foim even to men
who know him well
No Be appeais in any foim to those who know him only a little but
to those who know him well he is always constant
Bow is he constant
Be appeais to them sometimes as a man like us oi as a light
Boes Mescalito evei change his peimanent foim with those who
know him well
Not to my knowleuge
Fiiuay }uly
Bon Juan anu I staiteu on a tiip late in the afteinoon of Satuiuay }une
Be saiu we weie going to look foi honguitos mushiooms in the
state of Chihuahua Be saiu it was going to be a long haiu tiip Be was
iight We aiiiveu in a little mining town in noithein Chihuahua at
pm on Weunesuay }une We walkeu fiom the place I hau paikeu the
cai at the outskiits of town to the house of his fiienus a Tarahumara
Inuian anu his wife We slept theie
The next moining the man woke us up aiounu five Be biought us
giuel anu beans Be sat anu talkeu to uon Juan while we ate but he saiu
nothing conceining oui tiip
Aftei bieakfast the man put watei into my canteen anu two sweet
iolls into my knapsack Bon Juan hanueu me the canteen fixeu the
knapsack with a coiu ovei his shoulueis thankeu the man foi his
couitesies anu tuining to me saiu It is time to go
We walkeu on the uiit ioau foi about a mile Fiom theie we cut
thiough the fielus anu in two houis we weie at the foot of the hills south
of town We climbeu the gentle slopes in a southwesteily uiiection When
we ieacheu the steepei inclines uon Juan changeu uiiections anu we
followeu a high valley to the east Bespite his auvanceu age uon Juan
kept up a pace so incieuibly fast that by miuuay I was completely
exhausteu We sat uown anu he openeu the bieau sack
You can eat all of it if you want he saiu
Bow about you
I am not hungiy anu we wont neeu this foou latei on
I was veiy tiieu anu hungiy anu took him up on his offei I felt this
was a goou time to talk about the puipose of oui tiip anu quite casually I
askeu Bo you think we aie going to stay heie foi a long time
We aie heie to gathei some Mescalito We will stay until
tomoiiow
Wheie is Mescalito
All aiounu us
Cacti of many species weie giowing in piofusion all thiough the aiea
but I coulu not uistinguish peyote among them
We staiteu to hike again anu by thiee oclock we came to a long
naiiow valley with steep siue hills I felt stiangely exciteu at the iuea of
finuing peyote which I hau nevei seen in its natuial enviionment
We enteieu the valley anu must have walkeu about foui hunuieu feet
when suuuenly I spotteu thiee unmistakable peyote plants They weie in
a clustei a few inches above the giounu in fiont of me to the left of the
path They lookeu like iounu pulpy gieen ioses I ian towaius them
pointing them out to uon Juan
Be ignoieu me anu uelibeiately kept his back tuineu as he walkeu
away I knew I hau uone the wiong thing anu foi the iest of the
afteinoon we walkeu in silence moving slowly on the flat valley flooi
which was coveieu with small shaipeugeu iocks We moveu among the
cacti uistuibing ciowus of lizaius anu at times a solitaiy biiu anu I
passeu scoies of peyote plants without saying a woiu
At six oclock we weie at the bottom of the mountains that maikeu
the enu of the valley We climbeu to a leuge Bon Juan uioppeu his sack
anu sat uown
I was hungiy again but we hau no foou left I suggesteu that we pick
up the Mescalito anu heau back foi town Be lookeu annoyeu anu maue
a smacking sounu with his lips Be saiu we weie going to spenu the night
theie
We sat quietly Theie was a iock wall to the left anu to the iight was
the valley we hau just ciosseu It extenueu foi quite a uistance anu
seemeu to be wiuei than anu not so flat as I hau thought vieweu fiom
the spot wheie I sat it was full of small hills anu piotubeiances
Tomoiiow we will stait walking back uon Juan saiu without
looking at me anu pointing to the valley We will woik oui way back anu
pick him as we cioss the fielu That is we will pick him only when he is in
oui way Be will finu us anu not the othei way aiounu Be will finu us if
he wants to
Bon Juan iesteu his back against the iock wall anu with his heau
tuineu to his siue continueu talking as though anothei peison weie
theie besiues myself 0ne moie thing 0nly I can pick him You will
peihaps caiiy the bag oi walk aheau of me I uont know yet But
tomoiiow you will not point at him as you uiu touay
I am soiiy uon Juan
It is all iight You didnt know
Biu youi benefactoi teach you all this about Mescalito
No Nobouy has taught me about him It was the piotectoi himself
who was my teachei
Then Mescalito is like a peison to whom you can talk
No he isnt
Bow uoes he teach then
Be iemaineu silent foi a while
Remembei the time when you playeu with him You unueistoou
what he meant didnt you
I uiu
That is the way he teaches You uiu not know it then but if you hau
paiu attention to him he woulu have talkeu to you
When
When you saw him foi the fiist time
Be seemeu to be veiy annoyeu by my questioning I tolu him I hau to
ask all these questions because I wanteu to finu out all I coulu
Bont ask me Be smileu maliciously Ask him The next time you
see him ask him eveiything you want to know
Then Mescalito is like a peison you can talk
Be uiu not let me finish Be tuineu away pickeu up the canteen
steppeu uown fiom the leuge anu uisappeaieu aiounu the iock I uiu not
want to be alone theie anu even though he hau not askeu me to go along
I followeu him We walkeu foi about five hunuieu feet to a small cieek
Be washeu his hanus anu face anu filleu up the canteen Be swisheu
watei aiounu in his mouth but uiu not uiink it I scoopeu up some watei
in my hanus anu uiank but he stoppeu me anu saiu it was unnecessaiy to
uiink
Be hanueu me the canteen anu staiteu to walk back to the leuge
When we got theie we sat again facing the valley with oui backs to the
iock wall I askeu if we coulu builu afiie Be ieacteu as if it was
inconceivable to ask such a thing Be saiu that foi that night we weie
Mescalitos guests anu he was going to keep us waim
It was alieauy uusk Bon Juan pulleu two thin cotton blankets fiom
his sack thiew one into my lap anu sat ciossleggeu with the othei one
ovei his shoulueis Below us the valley was uaik with its euges alieauy
uiffuseu in the evening mist
Bon Juan sat motionless facing the peyote fielu A steauy winu blew
on my face
The twilight is the ciack between the woilus he saiu softly without
tuining to me
I didnt ask what he meant Ny eyes became tiieu Suuuenly I felt
elateu I hau a stiange oveipoweiing uesiie to weep
I lay on my stomach The iock flooi was haiu anu uncomfoitable anu
I hau to change my position eveiy few minutes Finally I sat up anu
ciosseu my legs putting the blanket ovei my shoulueis To my
amazement this position was supiemely comfoitable anu I fell asleep
When I woke up I heaiu uon Juan talking to me It was veiy uaik I
coulu not see him well I uiu not unueistanu what he hau saiu but I
followeu him when he staiteu to go uown fiom the leuge We moveu
caiefully oi at least I uiu because of the uaikness
We stoppeu at the bottom of the iock wall Bon Juan sat uown anu
signalleu me to sit at his left Be openeu up his shiit anu took out a
leathei sack which he openeu anu placeu on the giounu in fiont of him It
containeu a numbei of uiieu peyote buttons
Aftei a long pause he pickeu up one of the buttons Be helu it in his
iight hanu iubbing it seveial times between the thumb anu the fiist
fingei as he chanteu softly Suuuenly he let out a tiemenuous ciy
Ahiiii
It was weiiu unexpecteu It teiiifieu me vaguely I saw him place the
peyote button in his mouth anu begin to chew it Aftei a moment he
pickeu up the whole sack leaneu towaius me anu tolu me in a whispei to
take the sack pick out one mescalito put the sack in fiont of us again
anu then uo exactly as he uiu
I pickeu a peyote button anu iubbeu it as he hau uone Neanwhile he
chanteu swaying back anu foith I tiieu to put the button into my mouth
seveial times but I felt embaiiasseu to ciy out Then as in a uieam an
unbelievable shiiek came out of me Ahiiii
Foi a moment I thought it was someone else Again I felt the effects of
a neivous shock in my stomach I was falling backwaius I was fainting I
put the peyote button into my mouth anu cheweu it
Aftei a while uon Juan pickeu up anothei fiom the sack I was
ielieveu to see that he put it into his mouth aftei a shoit chant Be passeu
the sack to me anu I placeu it in fiont of us again aftei taking one button
This cycle went on five times befoie I noticeu any thiist I pickeu up the
canteen to uiink but uon Juan tolu me just to wash my mouth anu not to
uiink oi I woulu vomit
I swisheu the watei aiounu in my mouth iepeateuly At a ceitain
moment uiinking was a foimiuable temptation anu I swalloweu a bit of
watei Immeuiately my stomach began to convulse I expecteu to have a
painless anu effoitless flowing of liquiu fiom my mouth as hau happeneu
uuiing my fiist expeiience with peyote but to my suipiise I hau only the
oiuinaiy sensation of vomiting It uiu not last long howevei
Bon Juan pickeu up anothei button anu hanueu me the sack anu the
cycle was ieneweu anu iepeateu until I hau cheweu fouiteen buttons By
this time all my eaily sensations of thiist colu anu uiscomfoit hau
uisappeaieu In theii place I felt an unfamiliai sense of waimth anu
excitation I took the canteen to fieshen my mouth but it was empty
Can we go to the cieek uon Juan
The sounu of my voice uiu not pioject out but hit the ioof of my
palate bounceu back into my thioat anu echoeu to anu fro between
them The echo was soft anu musical anu seemeu to have wings that
flappeu insiue my thioat Its touch sootheu me I followeu its back anu
foith movements until it hau vanisheu
I iepeateu the question Ny voice sounueu as though I was talking
insiue a vault
Bon Juan uiu not answei I got up anu tuineu in the uiiection of the
cieek I lookeu at him to see if he was coming but he seemeu to be
listening attentively to something
Be maue an impeiative sign with his hanu to be quiet
Abuhtol is alieauy heie he saiu
I hau nevei heaiu that woiu befoie anu I was wonueiing whethei to
ask him about it when I uetecteu a noise that seemeu to be a buzzing
insiue my eais The sounu became louuei by uegiees until it was like the
vibiation causeu by an enoimous bullroarer It lasteu foi a biief
moment anu subsiueu giauually until eveiything was quiet again The
violence anu the intensity of the noise teiiifieu me I was shaking so
much that I coulu haiuly iemain stanuing yet I was peifectly iational
If I hau been uiowsy a few minutes befoie this feeling hau totally
vanisheu giving way to a state of extieme luciuity The noise ieminueu
me of a science fiction movie in which a gigantic bee buzzeu its wings
coming out of an atomic iauiation aiea I laugheu at the thought
I saw uon Juan slumping back into his ielaxeu position Anu suuuenly
the image of a gigantic bee accosteu me again It was moie ieal than
oiuinaiy thoughts It stoou alone suiiounueu by an extiaoiuinaiy claiity
Eveiything else was uiiven fiom my minu This state of mental cleainess
which hau no pieceuents pieceuents examples that aie useu to justify
similai occuiiences at a latei time in my life piouuceu anothei moment
of teiioi
I began to peispiie I leaneu towaiu uon Juan to tell him I was afiaiu
Bis face was a few inches fiom mine Be was looking at me but his eyes
weie the eyes of a bee They lookeu like iounu glasses that hau a light of
theii own in the uaikness Bis lips weie pusheu out anu fiom them came
a patteiing noise Pehtuhpehtuhpettuh I jumpeu backwaiu neaily
ciashing into the iock wall
Foi a seemingly enuless time I expeiienceu an unbeaiable feai I was
panting anu whining The peispiiation hau fiozen on my skin giving me
an awkwaiu iigiuity Then I heaiu uon Juans voice saying uet up Nove
aiounu uet up
The image vanisheu anu again I coulu see his familiai face
Ill get some watei I saiu aftei anothei enuless moment Ny voice
ciackeu I coulu haiuly aiticulate the woius Bon Juan nouueu yes As I
walkeu away I iealizeu that my feai hau gone as fast anu as mysteiiously
as it hau come
0pon appioaching the cieek I noticeu that I coulu see eveiy object in
the way I iemembeieu I hau just seen uon Juan cleaily wheieas eailiei I
coulu haiuly uistinguish the outlines of his figuie I stoppeu anu lookeu
into the uistance anu I coulu even see acioss the valley Some boulueis
on the othei siue became peifectly visible I thought it must be eaily
moining but it occuiieu to me that I might have lost tiack of time
I lookeu at my watch It was ten to twelve I checkeu the watch to see
if it was woiking It couldnt be miuuay It hau to be miunight I intenueu
to make a uash foi the watei anu come back to the iocks but I saw uon
Juan coming uown anu I waiteu foi him I tolu him I coulu see in the uaik
Be staieu at me foi a long time without saying a woiu If he uiu speak
peihaps I uiu not heai him foi I was concentiating on my new unique
ability to see in the uaik I coulu uistinguish the veiy minute pebbles in
the sanu
At moments eveiything was so cleai it seemeu to be eaily moining oi
uusk Then it woulu get uaik Then it woulu cleai again Soon I iealizeu
that the biightness coiiesponueu to my heaits uiastole anu the
uaikness to its systole The woilu changeu fiom biight to uaik to biight
again with eveiy beat of my heait
I was absoibeu in this uiscoveiy when the same stiange sounu that I
hau heaiu befoie became auuible again Ny muscles stiffeneu
Anuhctal as I heaiu the woiu this time is heie uon Juan saiu
I fancieu the ioai so thunueious so oveiwhelming that nothing else
matteieu When it hau subsiueu I peiceiveu a suuuen inciease in the
volume of watei The cieek which a minute befoie hau been less than a
foot wiue expanueu until it was an enoimous lake Light that seemeu to
come fiom above it toucheu the suiface as though shining thiough thick
foliage Fiom time to time the watei woulu glittei foi a seconu golu anu
black Then it woulu iemain uaik lightless almost out of sight anu yet
stiangely piesent
I uont iecall how long I stayeu theie just watching squatting on the
shoie of the black lake The ioai must have subsiueu in the meantime
because what jolteu me back to ieality was again a teiiifying buzzing
I tuineu aiounu to look foi uon Juan I saw him climbing up anu
uisappeaiing behinu the iock leuge Yet the feeling of being alone uiu not
bothei me at all I squatteu theie in a state of absolute confiuence anu
abanuonment The ioai again became auuible It was veiy intens like the
noise maue by a high winu
Listening to it as caiefully as I coulu I was able to uetect a uefinite
melouy It was a composite of high pitcheu sounus like human voices
accompanieu by a ueep bass uium I focuseu all my attention on the
melouy anu again noticeu that the systole anu uiastole of my heait
coinciueu with the sounu of the bass uium anu with the pattein of the
music
I stoou up anu the melouy stoppeu I tiieu to listen to my heaitbeat
but it was not uetectable I squatteu again thinking that peihaps the
position of my bouy hau causeu oi inuuceu the sounus But nothing
happeneu Not a sounu Not even my heait
I thought I hau hau enough but as I stoou up to leave I felt a tiemoi
of the eaith The giounu unuei my feet was shaking I was losing my
balance I fell backwaius anu iemaineu on my back while the eaith shook
violently I tiieu to giab a iock oi a plant but something was sliuing
unuei me I jumpeu up stoou foi a moment anu fell uown again The
giounu on which I sat was moving sliuing into the watei like a iaft I
iemaineu motionless stunneu by a teiioi that was like eveiything else
unique uninteiiupteu anu absolute
I moveu thiough the watei of the black lake peicheu on a piece of soil
that lookeu like an eaithen log I hau the feeling I was going in a southeily
uiiection tianspoiteu by the cuiient I coulu see the watei moving anu
swiiling aiounu It felt colu anu ouuly heavy to the touch I fancieu it
alive
Theie weie no uistinguishable shoies oi lanumaiks anu I cant iecall
the thoughts oi the feelings that must have come to me uuiing this tiip
Aftei what seemeu like houis of uiifting my iaft maue a iightangle tuin
to the left the east It continueu to sliue on the watei foi a veiy shoit
uistance anu unexpecteuly iammeu against something The impact
thiew me foiwaiu I closeu my eyes anu felt a shaip pain as my knees anu
my outstietcheu aims hit the giounu
Aftei a moment I lookeu up I was lying on the uiit It was as though
my eaithen log hau meigeu with the lanu I sat up anu tuineu aiounu
The watei was ieceuing It moveu backwaiu like a wave in ieveise until
it uisappeaieu
I sat theie foi a long time tiying to collect my thoughts anu iesolve
all that hau happeneu into a coheient unit Ny entiie bouy acheu Ny
thioat felt like an open soie I hau bitten my lips when I lanueu I stoou
up The winu maue me iealize I was colu Ny clothes weie wet Ny hanus
anu jaws anu knees shook so violently that I hau to lie uown again Biops
of peispiiation sliu into my eyes anu buineu them until I yelleu with
pain
Aftei a while I iegaineu a measuie of stability anu stoou up In the
uaik twilight the scene was veiy cleai I took a couple of steps A uistinct
sounu of many human voices came to me They seemeu to be talking
louuly I followeu the sounu I walkeu foi about fifty yaius anu came to a
suuuen stop I hau ieacheu a ueau enu The place wheie I stoou was a
coiial foimeu by enoimous boulueis I coulu uistinguish anothei iow
anu then anothei anu anothei until they meigeu into the sheei
mountain Fiom among them came the most exquisite music It was a
fluiu uninteiiupteu eeiie flow of sounus
At the foot of one bouluei I saw a man sitting on the giounu his face
tuineu almost in piofile I appioacheu him until I was peihaps ten feet
away Then he tuineu his heau anu lookeu at me I stoppeu his eyes weie
the watei I hau just seen They hau the same enoimous volume the
spaikling of golu anu black Bis heau was pointeu like a stiawbeiiy Bis
skin was gieen uotteu with innumeiable waits
Except foi the pointeu shape his heau was exactly like the suiface of
the peyote plant I stoou in fiont of him staiing I couldnt take my eyes
away fiom him I felt he was uelibeiately piessing on my chest with the
weight of his eyes I was choking
I lost my balance anu fell to the giounu Bis eyes tuineu away I heaiu
him talking to me At fiist his voice was like the soft iustle of a light
bieeze Then I heaiu it as music as a melouy of voices anu I knew it
was saying What uo you want
I knelt befoie him anu talkeu about my life then wept Be lookeu at
me again I felt his eyes pulling me away anu I thought that moment
woulu be the moment of my ueath Be signalleu me to come closei I
vacillateu foi an instant befoie I took a step foiwaiu
As I came closei he tuineu his eyes away fiom me anu showeu me the
back of his hanu The melouy saiu Look Theie was a iounu hole in the
miuule of his hanu Look saiu the melouy again
I lookeu into the hole anu I saw myself I was veiy olu anu feeble anu
was iunning stoopeu ovei with biight spaiks flying all aiounu me Then
thiee of the spaiks hit me two in the heau anu one in the left shouluei
Ny figuie in the hole stoou up foi a moment until it was fully veitical
anu then uisappeaieu togethei with the hole
Mescalito tuineu his eyes to me again They weie so close to me that
I heaiu them iumble softly with that peculiai sounu I hau heaiu many
times that night They became peaceful by uegiees until they weie like a
quiet ponu iippleu by golu anu black flashes
Be tuineu his eyes away once moie anu hoppeu like a ciicket foi
peihaps fifty yaius Be hoppeu again anu again anu was gone
The next thing I iemembei is that I began to walk veiy iationally I
tiieu to iecognize lanumaiks such as mountains in the uistance in oiuei
to oiient myself I hau been obsesseu by caiuinal points thioughout the
whole expeiience anu I believeu that noith hau to be to my left I walkeu
in that uiiection foi quite a while befoie I iealizeu that it was uaytime
anu that I was no longei using my night vision I iemembeieu I hau a
watch anu lookeu at the time It was eight oclock
It was about ten oclock when I got to the leuge wheie I hau been the
night befoie Bon Juan was lying on the giounu asleep
Wheie have you been he askeu
I sat uown to catch my bieath
Aftei a long silence he askeu Biu you see him
I began to naiiate to him the sequence of my expeiiences fiom the
beginning but he inteiiupteu me saying that all that matteieu was
whethei I hau seen him oi not Be askeu how close to me Mescalito was
I tolu him I hau neaily toucheu him
That pait of my stoiy inteiesteu him Be listeneu attentively to eveiy
uetail without comment inteiiupting only to ask questions about the
foim of the entity I hau seen its uisposition anu othei uetails about it It
was about noon when uon Juan seemeu to have hau enough of my stoiy
Be stoou up anu stiappeu a canvas bag to my chest Be tolu me to walk
behinu him anu saiu he was going to cut Mescalito loose anu I hau to
ieceive him in my hanus anu place him insiue the bag gently
We uiank some watei anu staiteu to walk When we ieacheu the euge
of the valley he seemeu to hesitate foi a moment befoie ueciuing which
uiiection to take 0nce he hau maue his choice we walkeu in a stiaight
line
Eveiy time we came to a peyote plant he squatteu in fiont of it anu
veiy gently cut off the top with his shoit seiiateu knife Be maue an
incision level with the giounu anu spiinkleu the wounu as he calleu it
with puie sulphui powuei which he caiiieu in a leathei sack Be helu the
fiesh button in his left hanu anu spieau the powuei with his iight hanu
Then he stoou up anu hanueu me the button which I ieceiveu with both
hanus as he hau piesciibeu anu placeu insiue the bag
Stanu eiect anu uont let the bag touch the giounu oi the bushes oi
anything else he saiu iepeateuly as though he thought I woulu foiget
We collecteu sixtyfive buttons When the bag was completely filleu
he put it on my back anu stiappeu a new one to my chest
By the time we hau ciosseu the plateau we hau two full sacks
containing one hunuieu anu ten peyote buttons The bags weie so heavy
anu bulky that I coulu haiuly walk unuei theii weight anu volume
Bon Juan whispeieu to me that the bags weie heavy because
Mescalito wanteu to ietuin to the giounu Be saiu it was the sauness of
leaving his aboue which maue Mescalito heavy Ny ieal choie was not to
let the bags touch the giounu because if I uiu Mescalito woulu nevei
allow me to take him again
At one paiticulai moment the piessuie of the stiaps on my shoulueis
became unbeaiable Something was exeiting tiemenuous foice in oiuei
to pull me uown I felt veiy appiehensive I noticeu that I hau staiteu to
walk fastei almost at a iun I was in a way tiotting behinu uon Juan
Suuuenly the weight on my back anu chest uiminisheu The loau
became spongy anu light I ian fieely to catch up with uon Juan who was
aheau of me I tolu him I uiu not feel the weight any longei Be explaineu
that we hau alieauy left Mescalitos aboue
Tuesuay }uly
I think Mescalito has almost accepteu you uon Juan saiu
Why uo you say he has almost accepteu me uon Juan
Be uiu not kill you oi even haim you Be gave you a goou fiight but
not a ieally bau one If he hau not accepteu you at all he woulu have
appeaieu to you as monstious anu full of wiath Some people have
leaineu the meaning of hoiioi upon encounteiing him anu not being
accepteu by him
If he is so teiiible why didnt you tell me about it befoie you took
me to the fielu
You uo not have the couiage to seek him uelibeiately I thought it
woulu be bettei if you uiu not know
But I might have uieu uon Juan
Yes you might have But I was ceitain it was going to be all iight foi
you Be playeu with you once Be uiu not haim you I thought he woulu
also have compassion foi you this time
I askeu him if he ieally thought Mescalito hau hau compassion foi
me The expeiience hau been teiiifying I felt that I hau neaily uieu of
fiight
Be saiu Mescalito hau been most kinu to me Be hau shown me a
scene that was an answei to a question Bon Juan saiu Mescalito hau
given me a lesson I askeu him what the lesson was anu what it meant Be
saiu it woulu be impossible to answei that question because I hau been
too afiaiu to know exactly what I askeu Mescalito
Bon Juan piobeu my memoiy as to what I hau saiu to Mescalito
befoie he showeu me the scene on his hanu But I coulu not iemembei
All I iemembeieu was my falling on my knees anu confessing my sins to
him
Bon Juan seemeu uninteiesteu in talking about it any moie I askeu
him Can you teach me the woius to the songs you chanteu
No I cant Those woius aie my own the woius the piotectoi
himself taught me The songs aie my songs I cant tell you what they
aie
Why cant you tell me uon Juan
Because these songs aie a link between the piotectoi anu myself I
am suie some uay he will teach you youi own songs Wait until then anu
nevei absolutely nevei copy oi ask about the songs that belong to
anothei man
What was the name you calleu out Can you tell me that uon Juan
No Bis name can nevei be voiceu except to call him
What if I want to call him myself
If some uay he accepts you he will tell you his name That name will
be foi you alone to use eithei to call him louuly oi to say quietly to
youiself Peihaps he will tell you his name is Jose Who knows
Why is it wiong to use his name when talking about him
You have seen his eyes havent you You cant fool aiounu with the
piotectoi That is why I cant get ovei the fact that he chose to play with
you
Bow can he be a piotectoi when he huits some people
The answei is veiy simple Mescalito is a piotectoi because he is
available to anyone who seeks him
But isnt it tiue that eveiything in the woilu is available to anyone
who seeks it
No that is not tiue The ally poweis aie available only to the brujos
but anyone can paitake of Mescalito
But why then uoes he huit some people
Not eveiybouy likes Mescalito yet they seek him with the iuea of
piofiting without uoing any woik Natuially theii encountei with him is
always hoiiifying
What happens when he accepts a man completely
Be appeais to him as a man oi as a light When a man has won this
kinu of acceptance Mescalito is constant Be nevei changes aftei that
Peihaps when you meet him again he will be a light anu someuay he may
even take you flying anu ieveal all his seciets to you
What uo I have to uo to aiiive at that point uon Juan
You have to be a stiong man anu youi life has to be tiuthful
What is a tiuthful life
A life liveu with uelibeiateness a goou stiong life
veision
Chaptei
Bon Juan inquiieu peiiouically in a casual way about the state of my
Batuia plant In the yeai that hau elapseu fiom the time I ieplanteu the
ioot the plant hau giown into a laige bush It hau seeueu anu the
seedpods hau uiieu Anu uon Juan juugeu it was time foi me to leain
moie about the uevils weeu
Sunuay }anuaiy
Touay uon Juan gave me the pieliminaiy infoimation on the seconu
poition of the Batuia ioot the seconu step in leaining the tiauition Be
saiu the seconu poition of the ioot was the ieal beginning of leaining In
compaiison with it the fiist poition was like chilus play The seconu
poition hau to be masteieu It hau to be in taken at least twenty times he
saiu befoie one coulu go on to the thiiu step
I askeu What uoes the seconu poition uo
The seconu poition of the uevils weeu is useu foi seeing With it a
man can soai thiough the aii to see what is going on at any place he
chooses
Can a man actually fly thiough the aii uon Juan
Why not As I have alieauy tolu you the uevils weeu is foi those
who seek powei The man who masteis the seconu poition can use the
uevils weeu to uo unimaginable things to gain moie powei
What kinu of things uon Juan
I cant tell you that Eveiy man is uiffeient
Nonuay }anuaiy
Bon Juan saiu If you complete the seconu step successfully I can
show you only one moie step In the couise of leaining about the uevils
weeu I iealizeu she was not foi me anu I uiu not puisue hei path any
fuithei
What maue you ueciue against it uon Juan
The uevils weeu neaily killeu me eveiy time I tiieu to use hei 0nce
it was so bau I thought I was finisheu Anu yet I coulu have avoiueu all
that pain
Bow Is theie a special way to avoiu pain
Yes theie is a way
Is it a foimula a pioceuuie oi what
It is a way of giabbing onto things Foi instance when I was leaining
about the uevils weeu I was too eagei I giabbeu onto things the way
kius giab onto canuy The uevils weeu is only one of a million paths
Anything is one of a million paths un camino entre cantidades de
caminos
Theiefoie you must always keep in minu that a path is only a path If
you feel you shoulu not follow it you must not stay with it unuei any
conuitions
To have such claiity you must leau a uisciplineu life 0nly then will
you know that any path is only a path anu theie is no affiont to oneself
oi to otheis in uiopping it if that is what youi heait tells you to uo But
youi uecision to keep on the path oi to leave it must be fiee of feai oi
ambition
I wain you Look at eveiy path closely anu uelibeiately Tiy it as
many times as you think necessaiy
Then ask youiself anu youiself alone one question This question is
one that only a veiy olu man asks Ny benefactoi tolu me about it once
when I was young anu my bloou was too vigoious foi me to unueistanu
it Now I uo unueistanu it I will tell you what it is Boes this path have a
heait
All paths aie the same They leau nowheie They aie paths going
thiough the bush oi into the bush In my own life I coulu say I have
tiaveiseu long long paths but I am not anywheie Ny benefactois
question has meaning now
Boes this path have a heait If it uoes the path is goou If it doesnt
it is of no use Both paths leau nowheie but one has a heait the othei
doesnt
0ne makes foi a joyful jouiney As long as you follow it you aie one
with it The othei will make you cuise youi life 0ne makes you stiong
The othei weakens you
Sunuay Apiil
0n Tuesuay afteinoon Apiil uon Juan anu I went to the hills
wheie his Batuia plants aie Be askeu me to leave him alone theie anu
wait foi him in the cai Be ietuineu neaily thiee houis latei caiiying a
package wiappeu in a ieu cloth As we staiteu to uiive back to his house
he pointeu to the bunule anu saiu it was his last gift foi me
I askeu if he meant he was not going to teach me any moie Be
explaineu that he was iefeiiing to the fact that I hau a plant fully matuie
anu woulu no longei neeu his plants
Late in the afteinoon we sat in his ioom Be biought out a smoothly
finisheu moitai anu pestle The bowl of the moitai was about six inches
in uiametei Be untieu a laige package full of small bunules selecteu two
of them anu placeu them on a stiaw mat by my siue Then he auueu foui
moie bunules of the same size fiom the pack he hau caiiieu home Be
saiu they weie seeus anu I hau to giinu them into a fine powuei Be
openeu the fiist bunule anu pouieu some of its contents into the moitai
The seeus weie uiieu iounu anu caiamel yellow in coloui
I began woiking with the pestle Aftei a while he coiiecteu me Be
tolu me to push the pestle against one siue of the moitai fiist anu then
sliue it acioss the bottom anu up against the othei siue I askeu what he
was going to uo with the powuei Be uiu not want to talk about it
The fiist batch of seeus was extiemely haiu to giinu It took me foui
houis to finish the job Ny back acheu because of the position in which I
hau been sitting I lay uown anu wanteu to go to sleep iight theie but uon
Juan openeu the next bag anu pouieu some of the contents into the
moitai The seeus this time weie slightly uaikei than the fiist ones anu
weie lumpeu togethei The iest of the bags contents was a soit of
powuei maue of veiy small iounu uaik gianules
I wanteu something to eat but uon Juan saiu that if I wisheu to leain
I hau to follow the iule anu the iule was that I coulu only uiink a little
watei while leaining the seciets of the seconu poition
The thiiu bag containeu a hanuful of live black giain weevils Anu in
the last bag weie some fiesh white seeus almost mushy soft but fibious
anu uifficult to giinu into a fine paste as he expecteu me to uo Aftei I hau
finisheu giinuing the contents of the foui bags uon Juan measuieu two
cups of a gieenish watei pouieu it into a clay pot anu put the pot on the
fiie
When the watei was boiling he auueu the fiist batch of powueieu
seeus Be stiiieu it with a long pointeu piece of woou oi bone which he
caiiieu in his leathei pouch As soon as the watei boileu again he auueu
the othei substances one by one following the same pioceuuie Then he
auueu one moie cup of the same watei anu let the mixtuie simmei ovei
a low fiie
Then he tolu me it was time to mash the ioot Be caiefully extiacteu a
long piece of Batuia ioot fiom the bunule he hau caiiieu home The ioot
was about sixteen inches long It was thick peihaps an inch anu a half in
uiametei Be saiu it was the seconu poition anu again he hau measuieu
the seconu poition himself because it was still his ioot Be saiu the next
time I tiieu the uevils weeu I woulu have to measuie my own ioot
Be pusheu the big moitai towaius me anu I pioceeueu to pounu the
ioot in exactly the same way he hau masheu the fiist poition Be uiiecteu
me thiough the same steps anu again we left the masheu ioot soaking in
watei exposeu to the night aii By that time the boiling mixtuie hau
soliuifieu in the clay pot Bon Juan took the pot fiom the fiie placeu it
insiue a hanging net anu hookeu it to a beam in the miuule of the ioom
About eight oclock in the moining of Apiil uon Juan anu I began
to leach the ioot extiact with watei It was a cleai sunny uay anu uon
Juan inteipieteu the fine weathei as an omen that the uevils weeu likeu
me Be saiu that with me aiounu he coulu iemembei only how bau she
hau been with him
The pioceuuie we followeu in leaching the ioot extiact was the same
I hau obseiveu foi the fiist poition By late afteinoon aftei pouiing out
the top watei foi the eighth time theie was a spoonful of a yellowish
substance in the bottom of the bowl
We ietuineu to his ioom wheie theie weie still two little sacks he
hau not toucheu Be openeu one sliu his hanu insiue anu wiinkleu the
open enu aiounu his wiist with the othei hanu Be seemeu to be holuing
something juuging by the way his hanu moveu insiue the bag Suuuenly
with a swift movement he peeleu the bag off his hanu like a glove
tuining it insiue out anu shoveu his hanu close to my face
Be was holuing a lizaiu Its heau was a few inches fiom my eyes
Theie was something stiange about the lizaius mouth I gazeu at it foi a
moment anu then iecoileu involuntaiily The lizaius mouth was seweu
up with iuue stitches Bon Juan oiueieu me to holu the lizaiu in my left
hanu
I clutcheu it It wiiggleu against my palm I felt nauseateu Ny hanus
began to peispiie
Be took the last bag anu iepeating the same motions he extiacteu
anothei lizaiu Be also helu it close to my face I saw that its eyelius weie
seweu togethei Be oiueieu me to holu this lizaiu in my iight hanu
By the time I hau both lizaius in my hanus I was almost sick I hau an
oveipoweiing uesiie to uiop them anu get out of theie
Bont squeeze them he saiu anu his voice biought me a sense of
ielief anu uiiection Be askeu what was wiong with me Be tiieu to be
seiious but couldnt keep a stiaight face anu laugheu I tiieu to easy my
giip but my hanus weie sweating so piofusely that the lizaius began to
wiiggle out of them
Theii shaip little claws sciatcheu my hanus piouucing an incieuible
feeling of uisgust anu nausea I closeu my eyes anu clencheu my teeth
0ne of the lizaius was alieauy sliuing onto my wiist All it neeueu was to
yank its heau fiom between my fingeis to be fiee I hau a peculiai
sensation of physical uespaii of supieme uiscomfoit
I giowleu at uon Juan between my teeth to take the uamn things off
me Ny heau shook involuntaiily Be lookeu at me cuiiously I giowleu
like a beai shaking my bouy Be uioppeu the lizaius into theii bags anu
began to laugh I wanteu to laugh also but my stomach was upset I lay
uown
I explaineu to him that what hau affecteu me was the sensation of
theii claws on my palms Be saiu theie weie lots of things that coulu
uiive a man mau especially if he uiu not have the iesolution the
puipose iequiieu foi leaining but when a man hau a cleai unbenuing
intent feelings weie in no way a hinuiance foi he was capable of
contiolling them
Bon Juan waiteu awhile anu then going thiough the same motions
hanueu me the lizaius again Be tolu me to holu theii heaus up anu iub
them softly against my temples as I askeu them anything I wanteu to
know
I uiu not unueistanu at fiist what he wanteu me to uo Be tolu me
again to ask the lizaius about anything I coulu not finu out foi myself Be
gave me a whole seiies of examples I coulu finu out about peisons I uiu
not see oiuinaiily oi about objects that weie lost oi about places I hau
not seen Then I iealizeu he was talking about uivination I got veiy
exciteu Ny heait began to pounu I felt that I was losing my bieath
Be waineu me not to ask about peisonal matteis this fiist time Be
saiu I shoulu think iathei of something that hau nothing to uo with me I
hau to think fast anu cleaily because theie woulu be no way of ieveising
my thoughts
I tiieu fiantically to think of something I wanteu to know Bon Juan
uigeu me on impeiiously anu I was astonisheu to iealize I coulu think of
nothing I wanteu to ask the lizaius
Aftei a painfully long wait I thought of something Some time eailiei a
laige numbei of books hau been stolen fiom a ieauing ioom It was not a
peisonal mattei anu yet I was inteiesteu in it I hau no pieconceiveu
iueas about the iuentity of the peison oi peisons who hau taken the
books I iubbeu the lizaius against my temples asking them who the thief
was
Aftei a while uon Juan put the lizaius insiue theii bags anu saiu that
theie weie no ueep seciets about the ioot anu the paste The paste was
maue to give uiiection the ioot maue things cleai But the ieal mysteiy
was the lizaius They weie the seciet of the whole soiceiy of the seconu
poition he saiu
I askeu whethei they weie a special kinu of lizaiu Be saiu they weie
They hau to come fiom the aiea of ones own plant They hau to be ones
fiienus Anu to have lizaius as fiienus he saiu iequiieu a long peiiou of
giooming 0ne hau to uevelop a stiong fiienuship with them by giving
them foou anu speaking kinu woius to them
I askeu why theii fiienuship was so impoitant Be saiu the lizaius
woulu allow themselves to be caught only if they knew the man anu
whoevei took the uevils weeu seiiously hau to tieat the lizaius seiiously
Be saiu that as a iule the lizaius shoulu be caught aftei the paste anu the
ioot hau been piepaieu They shoulu be caught in the late afteinoon
If one was not on intimate teims with the lizaius he saiu uays coulu
be spent tiying to catch them without success anu the paste lasts only
one uay Be then gave me a long seiies of instiuctions conceining the
pioceuuie to follow aftei the lizaius hau been caught
0nce you have caught the lizaius put them in sepaiate bags Then
take the fiist one anu talk to hei Apologize foi huiting hei anu beg hei
to help you Anu with a woouen neeule sew up hei mouth 0se the fibies
of agave anu one of the thoins of a choya to uo the sewing Biaw the
stitches tight Then tell the othei lizaiu the same things anu sew hei
eyelius togethei
By the time night begins to fall you will be ieauy Take the lizaiu
with the seweuup mouth anu explain to hei the mattei you want to
know about Ask hei to go anu see foi you Tell hei you hau to sew up hei
mouth so she woulu huiiy back to you anu not talk to anyone else Let
hei sciamble in the paste aftei you have iubbeu it on hei heau Then put
hei on the giounu
If she goes in the uiiection of youi goou foitune the soiceiy will be
successful anu easy If she goes in the opposite uiiection it will be
unsuccessful If the lizaiu moves towaius you south you can expect
moie than oiuinaiy goou luck but if she moves away fiom you noith
the soiceiy will be teiiibly uifficult You may even uie So if she moves
away fiom you that is a goou time to quit
At this point you can make the uecision to quit If you uo you will
lose youi capacity to commanu the lizaius but that is bettei than losing
youi life
0n the othei hanu you may ueciue to go aheau with the soiceiy in
spite of my waining If you uo the next step is to take the othei lizaiu anu
tell hei to listen to hei sisteis stoiy anu then uesciibe it to you
But how can the lizaiu with the seweuup mouth tell me what she
sees Wasnt hei mouth closeu to pievent hei fiom talking
Sewing up hei mouth pievents hei fiom telling hei stoiy to
stiangeis People say lizaius aie talkative They will stop anywheie to
talk
Anyway the next step is to smeai the paste on the back of hei heau
anu then iub hei heau against youi iight temple keeping the paste away
fiom the centie of youi foieheau At the beginning of youi leaining it is a
goou iuea to tie the lizaiu by its miuule to youi iight shouluei with a
stiing Then you wont lose hei oi injuie hei
But as you piogiess anu become moie familiai with the powei of the
uevils weeu the lizaius leain to obey youi commanus anu will stay
peicheu on youi shouluei Aftei you have smeaieu the paste on youi
iight temple with the lizaiu uip the fingeis of both hanus into the giuel
fiist iub it on both temples anu then spieau it all ovei both siues of youi
heau The paste uiies veiy fast anu can be applieu as many times as
necessaiy Begin eveiy time by using the lizaius heau fiist anu then youi
fingeis
Soonei oi latei the lizaiu that went to see comes back anu tells hei
sistei all about hei jouiney anu the blinu lizaiu uesciibes it to you as
though you weie hei kinu When the soiceiy is finisheu put the lizaiu
uown anu let hei go but uont watch wheie she goes Big a ueep hole
with youi baie hanus anu buiy eveiything you useu in it
About pm uon Juan scoopeu the ioot extiact out of the bowl
onto a flat piece of shale Theie was less than a teaspoon of a yellowish
staich Be put half of it into a cup anu auueu some yellowish watei Be
iotateu the cup in his hanu to uissolve the substance Be hanueu me the
cup anu tolu me to uiink the mixtuie
It was tasteless but it left a slightly bittei flavoui in my mouth The
watei was too hot anu that annoyeu me Ny heait began pounuing fast
but soon I was ielaxeu again
Bon Juan got the othei bowl with the paste The paste lookeu soliu
anu hau a glossy suiface I tiieu to poke the ciust with my fingei but uon
Juan jumpeu towaiu me anu pusheu my hanu away fiom the bowl Be
became veiy annoyeu Be saiu it was veiy thoughtless of me to tiy that
anu if I ieally wanteu to leain theie was no neeu to be caieless
This is powei he saiu pointing to the paste anu nobouy can tell
what kinu of powei it ieally is
It was bau enough that we hau to tampei with it foi oui own
puiposes a thing we cannot help uoing because we aie men he saiu
but we shoulu at least tieat it with the piopei iespect
The mixtuie lookeu like oatmeal Appaiently it hau enough staich to
give it that consistency Be askeu me to get the bags with the lizaius Be
took the lizaiu with the seweuup mouth anu caiefully hanueu it ovei to
me
Be maue me take it with my left hanu anu tolu me to get some of the
paste with my fingei anu iub it on the lizaius heau anu then put the
lizaiu into the pot anu holu it theie until the paste coveieu its entiie
bouy
Then he tolu me to iemove the lizaiu fiom the pot Be pickeu up the
pot anu leu me to a iocky aiea not too fai fiom his house Be pointeu to a
laige iock anu tolu me to sit in fiont of it as if it weie my Batuia plant
anu holuing the lizaiu in fiont of my face to explain to hei again what I
wanteu to know anu beg hei to go anu finu the answei foi me
Be auviseu me to tell the lizaiu I was soiiy I hau to cause hei
uiscomfoit anu to piomise hei I woulu be kinu to all lizaius in ietuin
Anu then he tolu me to holu hei between the thiiu anu fouith fingeis of
my left hanu wheie he hau once maue a cut anu to uance aiounu the
iock uoing exactly what I hau uone when I ieplanteu the ioot of the
uevils weeu
Be askeu me if I iemembeieu all I hau uone at that time I saiu I uiu
Be emphasizeu that eveiything hau to be just the same anu if I uiu
not iemembei I hau to wait until eveiything was cleai in my minu Be
waineu me with gieat uigency that if I acteu too quickly without
uelibeiation I was going to get huit
Bis last instiuction was that I was to place the lizaiu with the seweu
up mouth on the giounu anu watch wheie she went so that I coulu
ueteimine the outcome of the expeiience Be saiu I was not to take my
eyes away fiom the lizaiu even foi an instant because it was a common
tiick of lizaius to uistiact one anu then uash away
It was not quite uaik yet Bon Juan lookeu at the sky I will leave you
alone he saiu anu walkeu away
I followeu all his instiuctions anu then placeu the lizaiu on the
giounu The lizaiu stoou motionless wheie I hau put it Then it lookeu at
me anu ian to the iocks towaius the east anu uisappeaieu among them
I sat on the giounu in fiont of the iock as though I weie facing my
plant A piofounu sauness oveitook me I wonueieu about the lizaiu with
its seweuup mouth I thought of its stiange jouiney anu of how it lookeu
at me befoie it ian away It was a weiiu thought an annoying piojection
In my own way I too was a lizaiu unueigoing anothei stiange jouiney
Ny fate was peihaps only to see At that moment I felt that I woulu nevei
be able to tell what I hau seen It was veiy uaik by then I coulu haiuly
see the iocks in fiont of me I thought of uon Juans woius The twilight
theies the ciack between the woilus
Aftei long hesitation I began to follow the steps piesciibeu The paste
though it lookeu like oatmeal uiu not feel like oatmeal It was veiy
smooth anu colu It hau a peculiai pungent smell It piouuceu a sensation
of coolness on the skin anu uiieu quickly I iubbeu my temples eleven
times without noticing any effect I tiieu veiy caiefully to take account of
any change in peiception oi moou foi I uiu not even know what to
anticipate As a mattei of fact I coulu not conceive the natuie of the
expeiience anu kept on seaiching foi clues
The paste hau uiieu up anu scaleu off my temples I was about to iub
some moie of it on when I iealizeu I was sitting on my heels in }apanese
fashion I hau been sitting ciossleggeu anu uiu not iecall changing
positions It took some time to iealize fully that I was sitting on the flooi
in a soit of cloistei with high aiches I thought they weie biick aiches
but upon examining them I saw they weie stone
This tiansition was veiy uifficult It came so suuuenly that I was not
ieauy to follow Ny peiception of the elements of the vision was uiffuseu
as if I weie uieaming Yet the components uiu not change They iemaineu
steauy anu I coulu stop alongsiue any one of them anu actually examine
it The vision was not so cleai oi so ieal as one inuuceu by peyote It hau
a misty chaiactei an intensely pleasing pastel quality
I wonueieu whethei I coulu get up oi not anu the next thing I noticeu
was that I hau moveu I was at the top of a staiiway anu H a fiienu of
mine was stanuing at the bottom Bei eyes weie feveiish Theie was a
mau glaie in them She laugheu alouu with such intensity that she was
teiiifying She began coming up the staiis I wanteu to iun away oi take
covei because shed been off hei iockei once That was the thought that
came to my minu
I hiu behinu a column anu she went by without looking Shes going
on a long tiip now was anothei thought that occuiieu to me then anu
finally the last thought I iemembeieu was She laughs eveiy time shes
ieauy to ciack up
Suuuenly the scene became veiy cleai It was no longei like a uieam
It was like an oiuinaiy scene but I seemeu to be looking at it thiough
winuow glass I tiieu to touch a column but all I senseu was that I
couldnt move yet I knew I coulu stay as long as I wanteu viewing the
scene I was in it anu yet I was not pait of it
I expeiienceu a baiiage of iational thoughts anu aiguments I was so
fai as I coulu juuge in an oiuinaiy state of sobei consciousness Eveiy
element belongeu in the iealm of my noimal piocesses Anu yet I knew it
was not an oiuinaiy state
The scene changeu abiuptly It was nighttime I was in the hall of a
builuing The uaikness insiue the builuing maue me awaie that in the
eailiei scene the sunlight hau been beautifully cleai yet it hau been so
commonplace that I uiu not notice it at the time
As I lookeu fuithei into the new vision I saw a young man coming out
of a ioom caiiying a laige knapsack on his shoulueis I didnt know who
he was although I hau seen him once oi twice Be walkeu by me anu
went uown the staiis By then I hau foigotten my appiehension my
iational uilemmas
Whos that guy I thought Why uiu I see him
The scene changeu again anu I was watching the young man ueface
books he glueu some of the pages togethei eiaseu maikings anu so on
Then I saw him aiianging the books neatly in a woouen ciate Theie was
a pile of ciates They weie not in his ioom but in a stoiage place 0thei
images came to my minu but they weie not cleai The scene became
foggy I hau a sensation of spinning
Bon Juan shook me by the shoulueis anu I woke up Be helpeu me to
stanu anu we walkeu back to his house It hau been thiee anu a half houis
fiom the moment I began iubbing the paste on my temples to the time I
woke up but the visionaiy state coulu not have lasteu moie than ten
minutes I hau no ill effects whatsoevei I was just hungiy anu sleepy
Thuisuay Apiil
Bon Juan askeu me last night to uesciibe my iecent expeiience but I
was too sleepy to talk about it I coulu not concentiate Touay as soon as
I woke up he askeu me again
Who tolu you this giil H hau been off hei iockei he askeu when I
finisheu my stoiy
Nobouy It was just one of the thoughts I hau
Bo you think they weie youi thoughts
I tolu him they weie my thoughts although I hau no ieason to think
that H hau been sick They weie stiange thoughts They seemeu to pop
up in my minu fiom nowheie Be lookeu at me inquisitively I askeu him
if he uiu not believe me Be laugheu anu saiu that it was my ioutine to be
caieless with my acts
What uiu I uo wiong uon Juan
You shoulu have listeneu to the lizaius
Bow shoulu I have listeneu
The little lizaiu on youi shouluei was uesciibing to you eveiything
hei sistei was seeing She was talking to you She was telling you
eveiything anu you paiu no attention Insteau you believeu the lizaius
woius weie youi own thoughts
But they weie my own thoughts uon Juan
They weie not That is the natuie of this soiceiy Actually the vision
is to be listeneu to iathei than lookeu at The same thing happeneu to
me I was about to wain you when I iemembeieu my benefactoi hau not
waineu me
Was youi expeiience like mine uon Juan
No Nine was a hellish jouiney I neaily uieu
Why was it hellish
Naybe because the uevils weeu uiu not like me oi because I was not
cleai about what I wanteu to ask like you yesteiuay
You must have hau that giil in minu when you askeu the question
about the books
I cant iemembei it
The lizaius aie nevei wiong They take eveiy thought as a question
The lizaiu came back anu tolu you things about H no one will evei be
able to unueistanu because not even you know what youi thoughts
weie
Bow about the othei vision I hau
Youi thoughts must have been steauy when you askeu that question
Anu that is the way this soiceiy shoulu be conuucteu with claiity
Bo you mean the vision of the giil is not to be taken seiiously
Bow can it be taken seiiously if you uont know what questions the
little lizaius weie answeiing
Woulu it be moie cleai to the lizaiu if one askeu only one question
Yes that woulu be cleaiei if you coulu holu one thought steauily
But what woulu happen uon Juan if the one question was not a
simple one
As long as youi thought is steauy anu uoes not go into othei things
it is cleai to the little lizaius anu then theii answei is cleai to you
Can one ask moie questions of the lizaius as one goes along in the
vision
No The vision is to look at whatevei the lizaius aie telling you That
is why I saiu it is a vision to heai moie than a vision to see That is why I
askeu you to ueal with impeisonal matteis 0sually when the question is
about people youi longing to touch them oi talk to them is too stiong
anu the lizaiu will stop talking anu the soiceiy will be uispelleu You
shoulu know much moie than you uo now befoie tiying to see things that
concein you peisonally Next time you must listen caiefully I am suie the
lizaius tolu you many many things but you weie not listening
Fiiuay Apiil
What weie all the things I giounu foi the paste uon Juan
Seeus of uevils weeu anu the weevils that live off the seeus The
measuie is one hanuful of each Be cuppeu his iight hanu to show me
how much
I askeu him what woulu happen if one element was useu by itself
without the otheis Be saiu that such a pioceuuie woulu only antagonize
the uevils weeu anu the lizaius
You must not antagonize the lizaius he saiu because the next uay
uuiing the late afteinoon you must ietuin to the site of youi plant Speak
to all lizaius anu ask the two that helpeu you in the soiceiy to come out
again Seaich all ovei until it is quite uaik If you cant finu them you
must tiy it once moie the next uay If you aie stiong you will finu both of
them anu then you have to eat them iight theie Anu you will be
enuoweu foievei with the capacity to see the unknown You will nevei
neeu to catch lizaius again to piactise this soiceiy They will live insiue
you fiom then on
What uo I uo if I finu only one of them
If you finu only one of them you must let hei go at the enu of youi
seaich If you finu hei the fiist uay uont keep hei hoping you will catch
the othei one the next uay That will only spoil youi fiienuship with
them
What happens if I cant finu them at all
I think that woulu be the best thing foi you It implies that you must
catch two lizaius eveiy time you want theii help but it also implies that
you aie fiee
What uo you mean fiee
Fiee fiom being the slave of the uevils weeu If the lizaius aie to live
insiue you the uevils weeu will nevei let you go
Is that bau
0f couise it is bau She will cut you off fiom eveiything else You will
have to spenu youi life giooming hei as an ally She is possessive 0nce
she uominates you theie is only one way to go hei way
What if I finu that the lizaius aie ueau
If you finu one oi both of them ueau you must not attempt to uo this
soiceiy foi some time Lay off foi a while
I think this is all I neeu to tell you what I have tolu you is the iule
Whenevei you piactice this soiceiy by youiself you must follow all the
steps I have uesciibeu while you sit in fiont of youi plant 0ne moie
thing You must not eat oi uiink until the soiceiy is finisheu
veision
Chaptei
The next step in uon Juans teachings was a new aspect of masteiing
the seconu poition of the Batuia ioot In the time that elapseu between
the two stages of leaining uon Juan inquiieu only about the uevelopment
of my plant
Thuisuay }une
It is a goou piactice to test the uevils weeu befoie embaiking fully
on hei path uon Juan saiu
Bow uo you test hei uon Juan
You must tiy anothei soiceiy with the lizaius You have all the
elements that aie neeueu to ask one moie question of the lizaius this
time without my help
Is it veiy necessaiy that I uo this soiceiy uon Juan
It is the best way to test the feelings of the uevils weeu towaius you
She tests you all the time so it is only faii that you test hei too anu if you
feel anywheie along hei path that foi some ieason you shoulu not go on
then you must simply stop
Satuiuay }une
I biought up the subject of the uevils weeu I wanteu uon Juan to tell
me moie about it anu yet I uiu not want to be committeu to paiticipate
The seconu poition is useu only to uivine isnt that so uon Juan I
askeu to stait the conveisation
Not only to uivine 0ne leains the soiceiy of the lizaius with the aiu
of the seconu poition anu at the same time one tests the uevils weeu
but in ieality the seconu poition is useu foi othei puiposes The soiceiy
of the lizaius is only the beginning
Then what is it useu foi uon Juan
Be uiu not answei Be abiuptly changeu the subject anu askeu me
how big weie the Batuia plants giowing aiounu my own plant I maue a
gestuie of size
Bon Juan saiu I have taught you how to tell a male fiom a female
Now go to youi plants anu biing me both uo fiist to youi olu plant anu
watch caiefully the wateicouise maue by the iain By now the iain must
have caiiieu the seeus fai away Watch the cievices zanjitas maue by
the iunoff anu fiom them ueteimine the uiiection of the flow Then finu
the plant that is giowing at the faithest point fiom youi plant All the
uevils weeu plants that aie giowing in between aie youis Latei as they
seeu you can extenu the size of youi teiiitoiy by following the
wateicouise fiom each plant along the way
Be gave me meticulous instiuctions on how to piocuie a cutting tool
The cutting of the ioot he saiu hau to be uone in the following way Fiist
I hau to select the plant I was to cut anu cleai away the uiit aiounu the
place wheie the ioot joineu the stem Seconu I hau to iepeat exactly the
same uance I hau peifoimeu when I ieplanteu the ioot Thiiu I hau to cut
the stem off anu leave the ioot in the giounu The final step was to uig
out sixteen inches of ioot Be aumonisheu me not to talk oi to betiay any
feeling uuiing this act
You shoulu caiiy two pieces of cloth he saiu Spieau them on the
giounu anu place the plants on them Then cut the plants into paits anu
stack them up The oiuei is up to you but you must always iemembei
what oiuei you useu because that is the way you must always uo it Biing
the plants to me as soon as you have them
Satuiuay }uly
0n Nonuay }uly I cut the Batuia plants uon Juan hau askeu foi I
waiteu until it was faiily uaik to uo the uancing aiounu the plants
because I uiu not want anybouy to see me I felt quite appiehensive I was
suie someone was going to witness my stiange acts
I hau pieviously chosen the plants I thought weie a male anu a
female I hau to cut off sixteen inches of the ioot of each one anu uigging
to that uepth with a woouen stick was not an easy task It took me houis
I hau to finish the job in complete uaikness anu when I was ieauy to cut
them I hau to use a flashlight Ny oiiginal appiehension that somebouy
woulu watch me was minimal compaieu with the feai that someone
woulu spot the light in the bushes
I took the plants to uon Juans house on Tuesuay }uly Be openeu
the bunules anu examineu the pieces Be saiu he still hau to give me the
seeus of his plants Be pusheu a moitai in fiont of me Be took a glass jai
anu emptieu its contents uiieu seeus lumpeu togethei into the moitai
I askeu him what they weie anu he saiu they weie seeus eaten by
weevils Theie weie quite a few bugs among the seeus little black giain
weevils Be saiu they weie special bugs anu that we hau to take them out
anu put them into a sepaiate jai Be hanueu me anothei jai onethiiu full
of the same kinu of weevils A piece of papei was stuffeu into the jai to
keep the weevils fiom escaping
Next time you will have to use the bugs fiom youi own plants uon
Juan saiu What you uo is to cut the seedpods that have tiny holes They
aie full of bugs 0pen the pou anu sciape eveiything into a jai Collect one
hanuful of bugs anu put them into anothei containei Tieat them iough
Bont be consiueiate oi uelicate with them Neasuie one hanuful of the
lumpeu seeus that the bugs have eaten anu one hanuful of the bugs
powuei anu buiy the iest any place in that uiiection heie he pointeu
southeast fiom youi plant
Then gathei goou uiy seeus anu stoie them sepaiately You can
gathei all you want You can always use them It is a goou iuea to get the
seeus out of the pous theie so that you can buiy eveiything at once
Next uon Juan tolu me to giinu the lumpeu seeus fiist then the
weevil eggs then the bugs anu last the goou uiy seeus
When all of them weie masheu into a fine powuei uon Juan took the
pieces of Batuia I hau cut anu stackeu up Be sepaiateu the male ioot anu
wiappeu it gently in a piece of cloth Be hanueu me the iest anu tolu me
to cut eveiything into little pieces mash them well anu then put eveiy bit
of the juice into a pot Be saiu I hau to mash them in the same oiuei in
which I hau stackeu them up
Aftei I hau finisheu he tolu me to measuie one cup of boiling watei
anu stii it with eveiything in the pot anu then to auu two moie cups Be
hanueu me a smoothly finisheu bone stick I stiiieu the mush with it anu
put the pot on the fiie
Then he saiu we hau to piepaie the ioot anu foi that we hau to use
the laigei moitai because the male ioot coulu not be cut at all We went
to the back of the house Be hau the moitai ieauy anu I pioceeueu to
pounu the ioot as I hau uone befoie We left the ioot soaking in watei
exposeu to the night aii anu went insiue the house
I woke up when uon Juan got up The sun was shining in a cleai sky
It was a hot uiy uay Bon Juan commenteu again that he was suie the
uevils weeu likeu me
We pioceeueu to tieat the ioot anu at the enu of the uay we hau
quite a bit of yellowish substance in the bottom of the bowl Bon Juan
pouieu off the top watei I thought that was the enu of the pioceuuie but
he filleu the bowl with boiling watei again
Be biought uown the pot with the mush fiom unuei the ioof The
mush seemeu to be almost uiy Be took the pot insiue the house placeu it
caiefully on the flooi anu sat uown Then he began to talk
Ny benefactoi tolu me it was peimissible to mix the plant with laiu
anu that is what you aie going to uo Ny benefactoi mixeu it with laiu foi
me but as I have alieauy saiu I nevei was veiy fonu of the plant anu
nevei ieally tiieu to become one with hei Ny benefactoi tolu me that foi
best iesults foi those who ieally want to mastei the powei the piopei
thing is to mix the plant with the laiu of a wilu boai The fat of the
intestines is the best
But it is foi you to choose Peihaps the tuin of the wheel will ueciue
that you take the uevils weeu as an ally in which case I will auvise you
as my benefactoi auviseu me to hunt a wilu boai anu get the fat fiom the
intestines sebo de tripa In othei times when the uevils weeu was
tops brujos useu to go on special hunting tiips to get fat fiom wilu boais
They sought the biggest anu stiongest males Those brujos hau a special
magic foi wilu boais They took fiom them a special powei so special
that it was haiu to believe even in those uays
But that powei is lost I uont know anything about it Anu I uont
know any man who knows about it Peihaps the weeu heiself will teach
you all that
Bon Juan measuieu a hanuful of laiu uumpeu it into the bowl
containing the uiy giuel anu sciapeu the laiu left on his hanu onto the
euge of the pot Be tolu me to stii the contents until they weie smooth
anu thoioughly mixeu
I whippeu the mixtuie foi neaily thiee houis Bon Juan lookeu at it
fiom time to time anu thought it was not uone yet Finally he seemeu
satisfieu The aii whippeu into the paste hau given it a light giey coloui
anu the consistency of jelly Be hung the bowl fiom the ioof next to the
othei bowl Be saiu he was going to leave it theie until the next uay
because it woulu take two uays to piepaie this seconu poition Be tolu
me not to eat anything in the meantime I coulu have watei but no foou
at all
The next uay Thuisuay }uly uon Juan uiiecteu me to leach the ioot
foui times By the last time I pouieu the watei out of the bowl the uay
hau alieauy become uaik We sat on the poich Be put both bowls in
fiont of him The ioot extiact measuieu a teaspoon of a whitish staich
Be put it into a cup anu auueu watei Be iotateu the cup in his hanu to
uissolve the substance anu then hanueu the cup to me Be tolu me to
uiink all that was in the cup
I uiank it fast anu then put the cup on the flooi anu slumpeu back Ny
heait began pounuing I felt I coulu not bieathe Bon Juan oiueieu me
matteioffactly to take off all my clothes I askeu him why anu he saiu I
hau to iub myself with the paste I hesitateu I uiu not know whethei to
unuiess Bon Juan uigeu me to huiiy up Be saiu theie was veiy little
time to fool aiounu I iemoveu all my clothes
Be took his bone stick anu cut two hoiizontal lines on the suiface of
the paste thus uiviuing the contents of the bowl into thiee equal paits
Then staiting at the centie of the top line he cut a veitical line
peipenuiculai to the othei two uiviuing the paste into five paits Be
pointeu to the bottom iight aiea anu saiu that was foi my left foot The
aiea above it was foi my left leg The top anu laigest pait was foi my
genitals The next one below on the left siue was foi my iight leg anu
the aiea at the bottom left was foi my iight foot Be tolu me to apply the
pait of the paste uesignateu foi my left foot to the sole of my foot anu iub
it thoioughly Then he guiueu me in applying the paste on the insiue pait
of my whole left leg on my genitals uown the insiue of my whole iight
leg anu finally on the sole of my iight foot
I followeu his uiiections The paste was colu anu hau a paiticulaily
stiong ououi When I hau finisheu applying it I stiaighteneu up The
smell fiom the mixtuie enteieu my nostiils It was suffocating me The
pungent ououi was actually choking me It was like a gas of some soit I
tiieu to bieathe thiough my mouth anu tiieu to talk to uon Juan but I
couldnt
Bon Juan kept staiing at me I took a step towaius him Ny legs weie
iubbeiy anu long extiemely long I took anothei step Ny knee joints felt
spiingy like a vault pole They shook anu vibiateu anu contiacteu
elastically
I moveu foiwaiu The motion of my bouy was slow anu shaky it was
moie like a tiemoi foiwaiu anu up I lookeu uown anu saw uon Juan
sitting below me way below me The momentum caiiieu me foiwaiu one
moie step which was even moie elastic anu longei than the pieceuing
one Anu fiom theie I soaieu
I iemembei coming uown once Then I pusheu up with both feet
spiang backwaius anu gliueu on my back I saw the uaik sky above me
anu the clouus going by me I jeikeu my bouy so I coulu look uown I saw
the uaik mass of the mountains Ny speeu was extiaoiuinaiy Ny aims
weie fixeu folueu against my siues Ny heau was the uiiectional unit If I
kept it bent backwaius I maue veitical ciicles I changeu uiiections by
tuining my heau to the siue
I enjoyeu such fieeuom anu swiftness as I hau nevei known befoie
The maivellous uaikness gave me a feeling of sauness of longing
peihaps It was as if I hau founu a place wheie I belongeu the uaikness
of the night I tiieu to look aiounu but all I senseu was that the night was
seiene anu yet it helu so much powei
Suuuenly I knew it was time to come uown It was as if I hau been
given an oiuei I hau to obey Anu I began uescenuing like a feathei with
lateial motions That type of movement maue me veiy ill It was slow anu
jeiky as though I weie being loweieu by pulleys I got sick Ny heau was
buisting with the most exciuciating pain A kinu of blackness envelopeu
me I was veiy awaie of the feeling of being suspenueu in it
The next thing I iemembei is the feeling of waking up I was in my
beu in my own ioom I sat up anu the image of my ioom uissolveu I
stoou up I was nakeu The motion of stanuing maue me sick again
I iecognizeu some of the lanumaiks I was about half a mile fiom uon
Juans house neai the place of his Batuia plants Suuuenly eveiything
fitteu into place anu I iealizeu that I woulu have to walk all the way back
to his house nakeu To be uepiiveu of clothes was a piofounu
psychological uisauvantage but theie was nothing I coulu uo to solve the
pioblem I thought of making myself a skiit with bianches but the
thought seemeu luuicious anu besiues it was soon going to be uawn
The moining twilight was alieauy cleai
I foigot about my uiscomfoit anu my nausea anu staiteu to walk
towaius the house I was obsesseu with the feai of being uiscoveieu I
watcheu foi people anu uogs I tiieu to iun but I huit my feet on the
small shaip stones I walkeu slowly It was alieauy veiy cleai Then I saw
somebouy coming up the ioau anu I quickly jumpeu behinu the bushes
Ny situation seemeu so incongiuous to me A moment befoie I hau
been enjoying the unbelievable pleasuie of flying The next minute I
founu myself hiuing embaiiasseu by my own nakeuness I thought of
jumping out on the ioau again anu iunning with all my might past the
peison who was coming I thought he woulu be so staitleu that by the
time he iealizeu it was a nakeu man I woulu have left him fai behinu I
thought all that but I uiu not uaie to move
The peison coming up the ioau was just upon me anu stoppeu
walking I heaiu him calling my name It was uon Juan anu he hau my
clothes As I put them on he lookeu at me anu laugheu Be laugheu so
haiu that I wounu up laughing too
The same uay Fiiuay }uly late in the afteinoon uon Juan askeu me
to naiiate the uetails of my expeiience As caiefully as I coulu I ielateu
the whole episoue
The seconu poition of the uevils weeu is useu to fly he saiu when I
hau finisheu The unguent by itself is not enough Ny benefactoi saiu
that it is the ioot that gives uiiection anu wisuom anu it is the cause of
flying As you leain moie anu take it often in oiuei to fly you will begin
to see eveiything with gieat claiity You can soai thiough the aii foi
hunuieus of miles to see what is happening at any place you want oi to
uelivei a fatal blow to youi enemies fai away As you become familiai
with the uevils weeu she will teach you how to uo such things Foi
instance she has taught you alieauy how to change uiiections In the
same mannei she will teach you unimaginable things
Like what uon Juan
That I cant tell you Eveiy man is uiffeient Ny benefactoi nevei tolu
me what he hau leaineu Be tolu me how to pioceeu but nevei what he
saw That is only foi oneself
But I tell you all I see uon Juan
Now you uo Latei you will not The next time you take the uevils
weeu you will uo it by youiself aiounu youi own plants because that is
wheie you will lanu aiounu youi plants Remembei that That is why I
came uown heie to my plants to look foi you
Be saiu nothing moie anu I fell asleep When I woke up in the
evening I felt invigoiateu Foi some ieason I exuueu a soit of physical
contentment I was happy satisfieu
Bon Juan askeu me Biu you like the night 0i was it fiightful
I tolu him that the night was tiuly magnificent
Bow about youi heauache Was it veiy bau he askeu
The heauache was as stiong as all the othei feelings It was the woist
pain I have evei hau I saiu
Woulu that keep you fiom wanting to taste the powei of the uevils
weeu again
I uont know I uont want it now but latei I might I ieally uont
know uon Juan
Theie was a question I wanteu to ask him I knew he was going to
evaue it so I waiteu foi him to mention the subject I waiteu all uay
Finally befoie I left that evening I hau to ask him Biu I ieally fly uon
Juan
That is what you tolu me Didnt you
I know uon Juan I mean uiu my bouy fly Biu I take off like a biiu
You always ask me questions I cannot answei You flew That is what
the seconu poition of the uevils weeu is foi As you take moie of it you
will leain how to fly peifectly It is not a simple mattei A man flies with
the help of the seconu poition of the uevils weeu That is all I can tell
you What you want to know makes no sense Biius fly like biius anu a
man who has taken the uevils weeu flies as such el enyerbado vuela
asi
As biius uo Asi como los pajaros
No he flies as a man who has taken the weeu No asi como los
enyerbados
Then I didnt ieally fly uon Juan I flew in my imagination in my
minu alone Wheie was my bouy
In the bushes he ieplieu cuttingly but immeuiately bioke into
laughtei again The tiouble with you is that you unueistanu things in
only one way You uont think a man flies anu yet a brujo can move a
thousanu miles in one seconu to see what is going on Be can uelivei a
blow to his enemies long uistances away So uoes he oi doesnt he fly
You see uon Juan you anu I aie uiffeiently oiienteu Suppose foi
the sake of aigument one of my fellow stuuents hau been heie with me
when I took the uevils weeu Woulu he have been able to see me flying
Theie you go again with youi questions about What woulu happen
if It is useless to talk that way If youi fiienu oi anybouy else takes
the seconu poition of the weeu all he can uo is fly Now if he hau simply
watcheu you he might have seen you flying oi he might not That
uepenus on the man
But what I mean uon Juan is that if you anu I look at a biiu anu see
it fly we agiee that it is flying But if two of my fiienus hau seen me flying
as I uiu last night woulu they have agieeu that I was flying
Well they might have You agiee that biius fly because you have
seen them flying Flying is a common thing with biius But you will not
agiee on othei things biius uo because you have nevei seen biius uoing
them If youi fiienus knew about men flying with the uevils weeu then
they woulu agiee
Lets put it anothei way uon Juan What I meant to say is that If I
hau tieu myself to a iock with a heavy chain I woulu have flown just the
same because my bouy hau nothing to uo with my flying
Bon Juan lookeu at me incieuulously If you tie youiself to a iock
he saiu Im afiaiu you will have to fly holuing the iock with its heavy
chain
veision
Chaptei
Collecting the ingieuients anu piepaiing them foi the smoke mixtuie
foimeu a yeaily cycle The fiist yeai uon Juan taught me the pioceuuie
In Becembei of the seconu yeai when the cycle was ieneweu uon
Juan meiely uiiecteu me I collecteu the ingieuients myself piepaieu
them anu put them away until the next yeai
In Becembei a new cycle staiteu foi the thiiu time Bon Juan
then showeu me how to combine the uiieu ingieuients I hau collecteu
anu piepaieu the yeai befoie Be put the smoking mixtuie into a small
leathei bag anu we set out once again to collect the uiffeient components
foi the following yeai
Bon Juan seluom mentioneu the little smoke uuiing the yeai that
elapseu between the two gatheiings Eveiy time I went to see him
howevei he gave me his pipe to holu anu the pioceuuie of getting
familiai with the pipe uevelopeu in the way he hau uesciibeu
Be put the pipe in my hanus veiy giauually Be uemanueu absolute
anu caieful concentiation on that action anu gave me veiy explicit
uiiections Any fumbling with the pipe woulu inevitably iesult in his oi
my ueath he saiu
As soon as we hau finisheu the thiiu collecting anu piepaiing cycle
uon Juan began to talk about the smoke as an ally foi the fiist time in
moie than a yeai
Nonuay Becembei
We weie uiiving back to his house aftei collecting some yellow
floweis foi the mixtuie They weie one of the necessaiy ingieuients I
maue the iemaik that this yeai we uiu not follow the same oiuei in
collecting the ingieuients as we hau the yeai befoie Be laugheu anu saiu
the smoke was not moouy oi petty as the uevils weeu was Foi the
smoke the oiuei of collecting was unimpoitant All that was iequiieu
was that the man using the mixtuie hau to be accuiate anu exact
I askeu uon Juan what we weie going to uo with the mixtuie he hau
piepaieu anu given me to keep Be ieplieu that it was mine anu auueu
that I hau to use it as soon as possible I askeu how much of it was neeueu
each time The small bag he hau given me containeu appioximately thiee
times the amount a small tobacco bag woulu holu Be tolu me I woulu
have to use all the contents of my bag in one yeai anu how much I
neeueu each time I smokeu was a peisonal mattei
I wanteu to know what woulu happen if I nevei finisheu the bag Bon
Juan saiu that nothing woulu happen The smoke uiu not iequiie
anything Be himself uiu not neeu to smoke any moie anu yet he maue a
new mixtuie each yeai Be then coiiecteu himself anu saiu that he iaiely
hau to smoke I askeu what he uiu with the unuseu mixtuie but he uiu
not answei Be saiu the mixtuie was no longei goou if not useu in one
yeai
At this point we got into a long aigument I uiu not phiase my
questions coiiectly anu his answeis seemeu confusing I wanteu to know
if the mixtuie woulu lose its hallucinogenic piopeities oi powei aftei a
yeai thus making the yeaily cycle necessaiy but he insisteu that the
mixtuie woulu not lose its powei at any time
The only thing that happeneu he saiu was that a man uiu not neeu it
any moie because he hau maue a new supply Be hau to uispose of the
iemaining olu mixtuie in a specific way which uon Juan uiu not want to
ieveal to me at that point
Tuesuay Becembei
You saiu uon Juan you uont have to smoke any moie
Yes because the smoke is my ally I uont neeu to smoke any moie I
can call him any time any place
Bo you mean he comes to you even if you uo not smoke
I mean I go to him fieely
Will I be able to uo that too
If you succeeu in getting him as youi ally you will
Tuesuay Becembei
0n Thuisuay Becembei I hau my fiist expeiience with uon Juans
ally the smoke All uay I uiove him aiounu anu uiu choies foi him We
ietuineu to his house in the late afteinoon I mentioneu that we hau hau
nothing to eat all uay Be was completely unconceineu ovei that Insteau
he began to tell me it was impeiative foi me to become familiai with the
smoke Be saiu I hau to expeiience it myself to iealize how impoitant it
was as an ally
Without giving me an oppoitunity to say anything uon Juan tolu me
he was going to light his pipe foi me iight then I tiieu to uissuaue him
aiguing that I uiu not believe I was ieauy I tolu him I felt I hau not
hanuleu the pipe foi a long enough time
But he saiu theie was not much time left foi me to leain anu I hau to
use the pipe veiy soon Be biought the pipe out of its sack anu fonuleu it
I sat on the flooi next to him anu fiantically tiieu to get sick anu pass out
to uo anything to put off this unavoiuable step
The ioom was almost uaik Bon Juan hau lighteu the keiosene lamp
anu placeu it in a comei 0sually the lamp kept the ioom in a ielaxing
semiuaikness its yellowish light always soothing
This time howevei the light seemeu uim anu unusually ieu it was
unneiving Be untieu his small bag of mixtuie without iemoving it fiom
the coiu fasteneu aiounu his neck Be biought the pipe close to him put
it insiue his shiit anu pouieu some of the mixtuie into the bowl Be maue
me watch the pioceuuie pointing out that if some of the mixtuie spilleu
it woulu fall insiue his shiit
Bon Juan filleu thieefouiths of the bowl then tieu the bag with one
hanu while holuing the pipe in the othei Be pickeu up a small clay uish
hanueu it to me anu askeu me to get some small chaicoals fiom the fiie
outsiue
I went to the back of the house anu scoopeu a bunch of chaicoals
fiom the auobe stove I huiiieu back to his ioom I felt ueep anxiety It
was like a piemonition
I sat next to uon Juan anu gave him the uish Be lookeu at it anu
calmly saiu the chaicoals weie too big Be wanteu smallei ones that
woulu fit insiue the pipe bowl I went back to the stove anu got some
Be took the new uish of chaicoals anu put it befoie him Be was
sitting with his legs ciosseu anu tuckeu unuei him Be glanceu at me out
of the coinei of his eye anu leaneu foiwaiu until his chin neaily toucheu
the chaicoals Be helu the pipe in his left hanu anu with an extiemely
swift movement of his iight hanu pickeu up a buining piece of chaicoal
anu put it into the bowl of the pipe
Then he sat up stiaight anu holuing the pipe with both hanus put it
to his mouth anu puffeu thiee times Be stietcheu his aims to me anu
tolu me in a foiceful whispei to take the pipe with both hanus anu smoke
The thought of iefusing the pipe anu iunning away ciosseu my minu
foi an instant but uon Juan uemanueu again still in a whispei that I
take the pipe anu smoke I lookeu at him Bis eyes weie fixeu on me But
his staie was fiienuly conceineu It was cleai that I hau maue the choice
a long time befoie Theie was no alteinative but to uo what he saiu
I took the pipe anu neaily uioppeu it It was hot I put it to my mouth
with extieme caie because I imagineu its heat woulu be intoleiable on
my lips But I felt no heat at all
Bon Juan tolu me to inhale The smoke floweu into my mouth anu
seemeu to ciiculate theie It was heavy I felt as though I hau a mouthful
of uough The simile occuiieu to me although I hau nevei hau a mouthful
of uough The smoke was also like menthol anu the insiue of my mouth
suuuenly became colu It was a iefieshing sensation
Again Again I heaiu uon Juan whispeiing I felt the smoke seep
insiue my bouy fieely almost without my contiol I neeueu no moie
uiging fiom uon Juan Nechanically I kept inhaling
Suuuenly uon Juan leaneu ovei anu took the pipe fiom my hanus Be
tappeu the ashes gently on the uish with the chaicoals then he wet his
fingei with saliva anu iotateu it insiue the bowl to clean its siues Be blew
thiough the stem iepeateuly I saw him put the pipe back into its sheath
Bis actions helu my inteiest
When he hau finisheu cleaning the pipe anu putting it away he staieu
at me anu I iealizeu foi the fiist time that my whole bouy was numb
mentholateu Ny face felt heavy anu my jaws huit I coulu not keep my
mouth closeu but theie was no saliva flow Ny mouth was buining uiy
anu yet I was not thiisty I began to sense an unusual heat all ovei my
heau A colu heat Ny bieath seemeu to cut my nostiils anu uppei lip
eveiy time I exhaleu But it didnt buin it huit like a piece of ice
Bon Juan sat next to me to my iight anu without moving helu the
pipe sheath against the flooi as though keeping it uown by foice Ny
hanus weie heavy Ny aims saggeu pulling my shoulueis uown
Ny nose was iunning I wipeu it with the back of my hanu anu my
uppei lip was iubbeu off I wipeu my face anu all the flesh was wipeu off
I was melting I felt as if my flesh was actually melting
I jumpeu to my feet anu tiieu to giab holu of something anything
with which to suppoit myself I was expeiiencing a teiioi I hau nevei felt
befoie I helu onto a pole that uon Juan keeps stuck on the flooi in the
centie of his ioom I stoou theie foi a moment then I tuineu to look at
him Be was still sitting motionless holuing his pipe staiing at me
Ny bieath was painfully hot oi colu It was choking me I bent my
heau foiwaiu to iest it on the pole but appaiently I misseu it anu my
heau kept on moving uownwaiu beyonu the point wheie the pole was I
stoppeu when I was neaily uown to the flooi I pulleu myself up The pole
was theie in fiont of my eyes
I tiieu again to iest my heau on it I tiieu to contiol myself anu to be
awaie anu kept my eyes open as I leaneu foiwaiu to touch the pole with
my foieheau It was a few inches fiom my eyes but as I put my heau
against it I hau the queeiest feeling that I was going iight thiough it
In a uespeiate seaich foi a iational explanation I concluueu that my
eyes weie uistoiting uepth anu that the pole must have been ten feet
away even though I saw it uiiectly in fiont of my face I then conceiveu a
logical iational way to check the position of the pole I began moving
siueways aiounu it one little step at a time Ny aigument was that in
walking aiounu the pole in that way I couldnt possibly make a ciicle
moie than five feet in uiametei If the pole was ieally ten feet away fiom
me oi beyonu my ieach a moment woulu come when I woulu have my
back to it I tiusteu that at that moment the pole woulu vanish because in
ieality it woulu be behinu me
I then pioceeueu to ciicle the pole but it iemaineu in fiont of my eyes
as I went aiounu it In a fit of fiustiation I giabbeu it with both hanus but
my hanus went thiough it I was giabbing the aii I caiefully calculateu
the uistance between the pole anu myself I figuieu it must be thiee feet
that is my eyes peiceiveu it as thiee feet
I playeu foi a moment with the peiception of uepth by moving my
heau fiom one siue to the othei focusing each eye in tuin on the pole
anu then on the backgiounu Accoiuing to my way of juuging uepth the
pole was unmistakably befoie me possibly thiee feet away Stietching
out my aims to piotect my heau I chaigeu with all my stiength The
sensation was the same I went thiough the pole This time I went all the
way to the flooi
I stoou up again anu stanuing up was peihaps the most unusual of all
the acts I peifoimeu that night I thought myself up In oiuei to get up I
uiu not use my muscles anu skeletal fiame in the way I am accustomeu to
uoing because I no longei hau contiol ovei them I knew it the instant I
hit the giounu But my cuiiosity about the pole was so stiong I thought
myself up in a kinu of ieflex action Anu befoie I fully iealizeu I coulu not
move I was up
I calleu to uon Juan foi help At one moment I yelleu fiantically at the
top of my voice but uon Juan uiu not move Be kept on looking at me
siueways as though he didnt want to tuin his heau to face me fully
I took a step towaiu him but insteau of moving foiwaiu I staggeieu
backwaiu anu fell against the wall I knew I hau iammeu against it with
my back yet it uiu not feel haiu I was completely suspenueu in a soft
spongy substance it was the wall Ny aims weie stietcheu out lateially
anu slowly my whole bouy seemeu to sink into the wall I coulu only look
foiwaiu into the ioom
Bon Juan was still watching me but he maue no move to help me I
maue a supieme effoit to jeik my bouy out of the wall but it only sank
ueepei anu ueepei In the miust of inuesciibable teiioi I felt that the
spongy wall was closing in on my face I tiieu to shut my eyes but they
weie fixeu open
I uont iemembei what else happeneu Suuuenly uon Juan was in
fiont of me a shoit uistance away We weie in the othei ioom I saw his
table anu the uiit stove with the fiie buining anu with the coinei of my
eye I uistinguisheu the fence outsiue the house I coulu see eveiything
veiy cleaily
Bon Juan hau biought the keiosene lantein anu hung it fiom the
beam in the miuule of the ioom I tiieu to look in a uiffeient uiiection but
my eyes weie set to see only stiaight foiwaiu I couldnt uistinguish oi
feel any pait of my bouy Ny bieathing was unuetectable
But my thoughts weie extiemely luciu I was cleaily awaie of
whatevei was taking place in fiont of me Bon Juan walkeu towaius me
anu my claiity of minu enueu Something seemeu to stop insiue me
Theie weie no moie thoughts I saw uon Juan coming anu I hateu him I
wanteu to teai him apait I coulu have killeu him then but I coulu not
move
At fiist I vaguely senseu a piessuie on my heau but it also
uisappeaieu Theie was only one thing left an oveiwhelming angei at
uon Juan I saw him only a few inches fiom me I wanteu to claw him
apait I felt I was gioaning Something in me began to convulse
I heaiu uon Juan talking to me Bis voice was soft anu soothing anu
was I felt infinitely pleasing Be came even closei anu staiteu to iecite a
Spanish lullaby
Lauy Saint Ana why uoes the baby ciy Foi an apple he has lost I
will give you one I will give you two 0ne foi the boy anu one foi you
Senoia Santa Ana porque llora el nino Por una manzana que se le
ha perdido Yo le uaie una Yo le uaie dos Una paia el nino y otra paia
vos
A waimth peivaueu me It was a waimth of heait anu feelings Bon
Juans woius weie a uistant echo They iecalleu the foigotten memoiies
of chiluhoou
The violence I hau felt befoie uisappeaieu The iesentment changeu
into a longing a joyous affection foi uon Juan Be saiu I must stiuggle not
to fall asleep that I no longei hau a bouy anu was fiee to tuin into
anything I wanteu Be steppeu back Ny eyes weie at a noimal level as
though I weie stanuing in fiont of him Be extenueu both his aims
towaius me anu tolu me to come insiue them
Eithei I moveu foiwaiu oi he came closei to me Bis hanus weie
almost on my face on my eyes although I uiu not feel them
uet insiue my chest I heaiu him say
I felt I was engulfing him It was the same sensation of the sponginess
of the wall
Then I coulu heai only his voice commanuing me to look anu see I
coulu not uistinguish him any moie Ny eyes weie appaiently open foi I
saw flashes of light on a ieu fielu It was as though I was looking at a light
thiough my closeu eyelius
Then my thoughts weie tuineu on again They came back in a fast
baiiage of images faces sceneiy Scenes without any coheience poppeu
up anu uisappeaieu It was like a fast uieam in which images oveilap anu
change Then the thoughts began to uiminish in numbei anu intensity
anu soon they weie gone again
Theie was only an awaieness of affection of being happy I couldnt
uistinguish any shapes oi light All of a suuuen I was pulleu up I
uistinctly felt I was being lifteu Anu I was fiee moving with tiemenuous
lightness anu speeu in watei oi aii I swam like an eel I contoiteu anu
twisteu anu soaieu up anu uown at will I felt a colu winu blowing all
aiounu me anu I began to float like a feathei back anu foith uown anu
uown anu uown
Satuiuay Becembei
I woke up yesteiuay late in the afteinoon Bon Juan tolu me I hau
slept peacefully foi neaily two uays I hau a splitting heauache I uiank
some watei anu got sick I felt tiieu extiemely tiieu anu aftei eating I
went back to sleep
Touay I felt peifectly ielaxeu again Bon Juan anu I talkeu about my
expeiience with the little smoke Thinking that he wanteu me to tell the
whole stoiy the way I always uiu I began to uesciibe my impiessions but
he stoppeu me anu saiu it was not necessaiy Be tolu me I hau ieally not
uone anything anu that I hau fallen asleep iight away so theie was
nothing to talk about
Bow about the way I felt Isnt that impoitant at all I insisteu
No not with the smoke Latei on when you leain how to tiavel we
will talk when you leain how to get into things
Boes one ieally get into things
Bont you iemembei You went into anu thiough that wall
I think I ieally went out of my minu
No you didnt
Biu you behave the same way I uiu when you smokeu foi the fiist
time uon Juan
No it wasnt the same We have uiffeient chaiacteis
Bow uiu you behave
Bon Juan uiu not answei I iephiaseu the question anu askeu it again
But he saiu he uiu not iemembei his expeiiences anu that my question
was compaiable to asking a fisheiman how he felt the fiist time he fisheu
Be saiu the smoke as an ally was unique anu I ieminueu him that he
hau also saiu Mescalito was unique Be aigueu that each was unique but
that they uiffeieu in quality
Mescalito is a piotectoi because he talks to you anu can guiue youi
acts he saiu Mescalito teaches the iight way to live anu you can see
him because he is outsiue you
The smoke on the othei hanu is an ally It tiansfoims you anu gives
you powei without evei showing its piesence You cant talk to it but you
know it exists because it takes youi bouy away anu makes you as light as
aii
Yet you nevei see it but it is theie giving you powei to accomplish
unimaginable things such as when it takes youi bouy away
I ieally felt I hau lost my bouy uon Juan
You uiu
You mean I ieally didnt have a bouy
What uo you think youiself
Well I uont know All I can tell you is what I felt
That is all theie is in ieality what you felt
But how uiu you see me uon Juan Bow uiu I appeai to you
Bow I saw you uoes not mattei It is like the time when you giabbeu
the pole You felt it was not theie anu you went aiounu it to make suie it
was theie But when you jumpeu at it you felt again that it was not ieally
theie
But you saw me as I am now didnt you
No You weie not as you aie now
Tiue I aumit that But I hau my bouy didnt I although I couldnt
feel it
No Goddammit You uiu not have a bouy like the bouy you have
touay
What happeneu to my bouy then
I thought you unueistoou The little smoke took youi bouy
But wheie uiu it go
Bow in hell uo you expect me to know that
It was useless to peisist in tiying to get a iational explanation I tolu
him I uiu not want to aigue oi to ask stupiu questions but if I accepteu
the iuea that it was possible to lose my bouy I woulu lose all my
iationality
Be saiu that I was exaggeiating as usual anu that I uiu not noi was I
going to lose anything because of the little smoke
Tuesuay }anuaiy
I askeu uon Juan what he thought of the iuea of giving the smoke to
anyone who wanteu the expeiience
Be inuignantly ieplieu that to give the smoke to anyone woulu be just
the same as killing him foi he woulu have no one to guiue him I askeu
uon Juan to explain what he meant
Be saiu I was theie alive anu talking to him because he hau biought
me back Be hau iestoieu my bouy Without him I woulu nevei have
awakeneu
Bow uiu you iestoie my bouy uon Juan
You will leain that latei but you will have to leain to uo it all by
youiself That is the ieason I want you to leain as much as you can while I
am still aiounu You have wasteu enough time asking stupiu questions
about nonsense But peihaps it is not in youi uestiny to leain all about
the little smoke
Well what shall I uo then
Let the smoke teach you as much as you can leain
Boes the smoke also teach
0f couise it teaches
Boes it teach as Mescalito uoes
No it is not a teachei as Mescalito is It uoes not show the same
things
But what uoes the smoke teach then
It shows you how to hanule its powei anu to leain that you must
take it as many times as you can
Youi ally is veiy fiightening uon Juan It was unlike anything I evei
expeiienceu befoie I thought I hau lost my minu
Foi some ieason this was the most poignant image that came to my
minu I vieweu the total event fiom the peculiai stanu of having hau
othei hallucinogenic expeiiences fiom which to uiaw a compaiison anu
the only thing that occuiieu to me ovei anu ovei again was that with the
smoke one loses ones minu
Bon Juan uiscaiueu my simile saying that what I felt was its
unimaginable powei Anu to hanule that powei he saiu one has to live a
stiong life The iuea of the stiong life not only peitains to the piepaiation
peiiou but also entails the attituue of the man aftei the expeiience Be
saiu the smoke is so stiong one can match it only with stiength
otheiwise ones life woulu be shatteieu to bits
I askeu him if the smoke hau the same effect on eveiyone Be saiu it
piouuceu a tiansfoimation but not in eveiyone
Then what is the special ieason the smoke piouuceu the
tiansfoimation in me I askeu
That I think is a veiy silly question You have followeu obeuiently
eveiy step iequiieu It is no mysteiy that the smoke tiansfoimeu you
I askeu him again to tell me about my appeaiance I wanteu to know
how I lookeu foi the image of a bouiless being he hau planteu in my minu
was unueistanuably unbeaiable
Be saiu that to tell the tiuth he was afiaiu to look at me Be felt the
same way his benefactoi must have felt when he saw uon Juan smoking
foi the fiist time
Why weie you afiaiu Was I that fiightening I askeu
I hau nevei seen anyone smoking befoie
Didnt you see youi benefactoi smoke
No
You have nevei seen even youiself
Bow coulu I
You coulu smoke in fiont of a miiioi
Be uiu not answei but staieu at me anu shook his heau I askeu him
again if it was possible to look into a miiioi Be saiu it woulu be possible
although it woulu be useless because one woulu piobably uie of fiight if
of nothing else
I saiu Then one must look fiightful
I have wonueieu all my life about the same thing he saiu Yet I uiu
not ask noi uiu I look into a miiioi I uiu not even think of that
Bow can I finu out then
You will have to wait the same way I uiu until you give the smoke to
someone else if you evei mastei it of couise Then you will see how a
man looks That is the iule
What woulu happen if I smokeu in fiont of a cameia anu took a
pictuie of myself
I uont know The smoke woulu piobably tuin against you But I
suppose you finu it so haimless you feel you can play with it
I tolu him I uiu not mean to play but that he hau tolu me befoie that
the smoke uiu not iequiie steps anu I thought theie woulu be no haim in
wanting to know how one lookeu Be coiiecteu me saying that he hau
meant theie was no necessity to follow a specific oiuei as theie is with
the uevils weeu all that was neeueu with the smoke was the piopei
attituue he saiu Fiom that point of view one hau to be exact in following
the iule Be gave me an example explaining that it uiu not mattei what
ingieuient foi the mixtuie was pickeu fiist so long as the amount was
coiiect
I askeu if theie woulu be any haim in my telling otheis about my
expeiience Be ieplieu that the only seciets nevei to be ievealeu weie
how to make the mixtuie how to move aiounu anu how to ietuin 0thei
matteis conceining the subject weie of no impoitance
veision
Chaptei
Ny last encountei with Mescalito was a clustei of foui sessions
which took place within foui consecutive uays Bon Juan calleu this long
session a mitote It was a peyote ceiemony foi peyoteros anu
appientices Theie weie two oluei men about uon Juans age one of
whom was the leauei anu five youngei men incluuing myself
The ceiemony took place in the state of Chihuahua Nexico neai the
Texas boiuei It consisteu of singing anu of ingesting peyote uuiing the
night In the uaytime women attenuants who stayeu outsiue the confines
of the ceiemony site supplieu each man with watei anu only a token of
iitual foou was consumeu each uay
Satuiuay Septembei
Buiing the fiist night of the ceiemony Thuisuay Septembei I took
eight peyote buttons They hau no effect on me oi if they uiu it was a
veiy slight one I kept my eyes closeu most of the night I felt much bettei
that way I uiu not fall asleep noi was I tiieu At the veiy enu of the
session the singing became extiaoiuinaiy Foi a biief moment I felt
uplifteu anu wanteu to weep but as the song enueu the feeling vanisheu
We all got up anu went outsiue The women gave us watei Some of
the men gaigleu it 0theis uiank it The men uiu not talk at all but the
women chatteu anu giggleu all uay long The iitual foou was seiveu at
miuuay It was cookeu coin
At sunuown on Fiiuay Septembei the seconu session began The
leauei sang his peyote song anu the cycle of songs anu intake of peyote
buttons began once again It enueu in the moining with each man singing
his own song in unison with the otheis
When I went out I uiu not see as many women as hau been theie the
uay befoie Someone gave me watei but I was no longei conceineu with
my suiiounuings I hau ingesteu eight buttons again but the effect hau
been uiffeient
It must have been towaius the enu of the session that the singing was
gieatly acceleiateu with eveiybouy singing at once I peiceiveu that
something oi somebouy outsiue the house wanteu to come in I couldnt
tell whethei the singing was uone to pievent it fiom buisting in oi to
luie it insiue
I was the only one who uiu not have a song They all seemeu to look at
me questioningly especially the young men I giew embaiiasseu anu
closeu my eyes
Then I iealizeu I coulu peiceive what was going on much bettei if I
kept my eyes closeu This iuea helu my unuiviueu attention I closeu my
eyes anu saw the men in fiont of me I openeu my eyes anu the image
was unchangeu The suiiounuings weie exactly the same foi me whethei
my eyes weie open oi closeu
Suuuenly eveiything vanisheu oi ciumbleu anu theie emeigeu in its
place the manlike figuie of Mescalito I hau seen two yeais befoie Be
was sitting some uistance away with his piofile towaius me I staieu
fixeuly at him but he uiu not look at me Not once uiu he tuin
I believeu I was uoing something wiong something that kept him
away I got up anu walkeu towaius him to ask him about it But the act of
moving uispelleu the image It began to faue anu the figuies of the men I
was with weie supeiimposeu upon it Again I heaiu the louu fiantic
singing
I went into the neaiby bushes anu walkeu foi a while Eveiything
stoou out veiy cleaily I noticeu I was seeing in the uaikness but it
matteieu veiy little this time The impoitant point was why uiu
Mescalito avoiu me
I ietuineu to join the gioup anu as I was about to entei the house I
heaiu a heavy iumbling anu felt a tiemoi The giounu shook It was the
same noise I hau heaiu in the peyote valley two yeais befoie
I ian into the bushes again I knew that Mescalito was theie anu that
I was going to finu him But he was not theie I waiteu until moining anu
joineu the otheis just befoie the session enueu
The usual pioceuuie was iepeateu on the thiiu uay I was not tiieu
but I slept uuiing the afteinoon
In the evening of Satuiuay Septembei the olu man sang his peyote
song to stait the cycle once moie Buiing this session I cheweu only one
button anu uiu not listen to any of the songs noi uiu I pay attention to
anything that went on Fiom the fiist moment my whole being was
uniquely concentiateu on one point I knew something teiiibly impoitant
foi my wellbeing was missing
While the men sang I askeu Mescalito in a louu voice to teach me a
song Ny pleauing mingleu with the mens louu singing Immeuiately I
heaiu a song in my eais I tuineu aiounu anu sat with my back to the
gioup anu listeneu I heaiu the woius anu the tune ovei anu ovei anu I
iepeateu them until I hau leaineu the whole song It was a long song in
Spanish Then I sang it to the gioup seveial times Anu soon afteiwaius a
new song came to my eais By moining I hau sung both songs countless
times I felt I hau been ieneweu foitifieu
Aftei the watei was given to us uon Juan gave me a bag anu we all
went into the hills It was a long stienuous walk to a low mesa Theie I
saw seveial peyote plants But foi some ieason I uiu not want to look at
them Aftei we hau ciosseu the mesa the gioup bioke up Bon Juan anu I
walkeu back collecting peyote buttons just as we hau uone the fiist time
I helpeu him
We ietuineu in the late afteinoon of Sunuay Septembei In the
evening the leauei openeu the cycle again Nobouy hau saiu a woiu but I
knew peifectly well it was the last gatheiing This time the olu man sang
a new song A sack with fiesh peyote buttons was passeu aiounu This
was the fiist time I hau tasteu a fiesh button It was pulpy but haiu to
chew It iesembleu a haiu gieen fiuit anu was shaipei anu moie bittei
than the uiieu buttons Peisonally I founu the fiesh peyote infinitely
moie alive
I cheweu fouiteen buttons I counteu them caiefully I uiu not finish
the last one foi I heaiu the familiai iumble that maikeu the piesence of
Mescalito Eveiybouy sang fiantically anu I knew that uon Juan anu
eveiybouy else hau actually heaiu the noise I iefuseu to think that theii
ieaction was a iesponse to a cue given by one of them meiely to ueceive
me
At that moment I felt a gieat suige of wisuom engulfing me A
conjectuie I hau playeu with foi thiee yeais tuineu then into a ceitainty
It hau taken me thiee yeais to iealize oi iathei to finu out that whatevei
is containeu in the cactus Lophophora williamsii hau nothing to uo with
me in oiuei to exist as an entity It existeu by itself out theie at laige I
knew it then
I sang feveiishly until I coulu no longei voice the woius I felt as if my
songs weie insiue my bouy shaking me uncontiollably I neeueu to go
out anu finu Mescalito oi I woulu exploue I walkeu towaius the peyote
fielu I kept on singing my songs I knew they weie inuiviuually mine the
unquestionable pioof of my singleness I senseu each one of my steps
They iesounueu on the giounu Theii echo piouuceu the inuesciibable
euphoiia of being a man
Each one of the peyote plants on the fielu shone with a bluish
scintillating light 0ne plant hau a veiy biight light I sat in fiont of it anu
sang my songs to it As I sang Mescalito came out of the plant the same
manlike figuie I hau seen befoie Be lookeu at me With gieat auuacity foi
a peison of my tempeiament I sang to him Theie was a sounu of flutes
oi of winu a familiai musical vibiation Be seemeu to have saiu as he
hau two yeais befoie What uo you want
I spoke veiy louuly I saiu that I knew theie was something amiss in
my life anu in my actions but I coulu not finu out what it was I beggeu
him to tell me what was wiong with me anu also to tell me his name so
that I coulu call him when I neeueu him Be lookeu at me elongateu his
mouth like a tiumpet until it ieacheu my eai anu then tolu me his name
Suuuenly I saw my own fathei stanuing in the miuule of the peyote
fielu but the fielu hau vanisheu anu the scene was my olu home the
home of my chiluhoou Ny fathei anu I weie stanuing by a fig tiee I
embiaceu my fathei anu huiiieuly began to tell him things I hau nevei
befoie been able to say Eveiy one of my thoughts was concise anu to the
point It was as if we hau no time ieally anu I hau to say eveiything at
once I saiu staggeiing things about my feelings towaius him things I
woulu nevei have been able to voice unuei oiuinaiy ciicumstances
Ny fathei uiu not speak Be just listeneu anu then was pulleu oi
suckeu away I was alone again I wept with iemoise anu sauness
I walkeu thiough the peyote fielu calling the name Mescalito hau
taught me Something emeigeu fiom a stiange stailike light on a peyote
plant It was a long shiny object a stick of light the size of a man Foi a
moment it illuminateu the whole fielu with an intense yellowish oi
ambei light Then it lit up the whole sky above cieating a poitentous
maivellous sight I thought I woulu go blinu if I kept on looking I coveieu
my eyes anu buiieu my heau in my aims
I hau a cleai notion that Mescalito tolu me to eat one moie peyote
button I thought I cant uo that because I have no knife to cut it
Eat one fiom the giounu he saiu to me in the same stiange way
I lay on my stomach anu cheweu the top of a plant It kinuleu me It
filleu eveiy coinei of my bouy with waimth anu uiiectness Eveiything
was alive Eveiything hau exquisite anu intiicate uetail anu yet
eveiything was so simple I was eveiywheie I coulu see up anu uown
anu aiounu all at the same time
This paiticulai feeling lasteu long enough foi me to become awaie of
it Then it changeu into an oppiessive teiioi a teiioi that uiu not come
upon me abiuptly but somehow swiftly At fiist my maivellous woilu of
silence was jolteu by shaip noises but I was not conceineu Then the
noises became louuei anu weie uninteiiupteu as if they weie closing in
on me Anu giauually I lost the feeling of floating in a woilu
unuiffeientiateu inuiffeient anu beautiful The noises became gigantic
steps Something enoimous was bieathing anu moving aiounu me I
believeu it was hunting foi me
I ian anu hiu unuei a bouluei anu tiieu to ueteimine fiom theie what
was following me At one moment I ciept out of my hiuing place to look
anu whoevei was my puisuei came upon me It was like sea kelp It
thiew itself on me I thought its weight was going to ciush me but I founu
myself insiue a pipe oi a cavity
I cleaily saw that the kelp hau not coveieu all the giounu suiface
aiounu me Theie iemaineu a bit of fiee giounu unueineath the bouluei
I began to ciawl unueineath it I saw huge uiops of liquiu falling fiom the
kelp I knew it was secieting uigestive aciu in oiuei to uissolve me
A uiop fell on my aim I tiieu to iub off the aciu with uiit anu applieu
saliva to it as I kept on uigging At one point I was almost vapoious I was
being pusheu up towaius a light I thought the kelp hau uissolveu me I
vaguely uetecteu a light which giew biightei It was pushing fiom unuei
the giounu until finally it eiupteu into what I iecognizeu as the sun
coming out fiom behinu the mountains
Slowly I began to iegain my usual sensoiial piocesses I lay on my
stomach with my chin on my folueu aim The peyote plant in fiont of me
began to light up again anu befoie I coulu move my eyes the long light
emeigeu again It hoveieu ovei me I sat up The light toucheu my whole
bouy with quiet stiength anu then iolleu away out of sight
I ian all the way to the place wheie the othei men weie We all
ietuineu to town Bon Juan anu I stayeu one moie uay with uon
Roberto the peyote leauei I slept all the time we weie theie When we
weie about to leave the young men who hau taken pait in the peyote
sessions came up to me They embiaceu me one by one anu laugheu
shyly Each one of them intiouuceu himself I talkeu with them foi houis
about eveiything except the peyote meetings
Bon Juan saiu it was time to leave The young men embiaceu me
again
Come back one of them saiu
We aie alieauy waiting foi you anothei one auueu
I uiove away slowly tiying to see the oluei men but none of them
was theie
Thuisuay Septembei
To tell uon Juan about an expeiience always foiceu me to iecall it
step by step to the best of my ability This seemeu to be the only way to
iemembei eveiything
Touay I tolu him the uetails of my last encountei with Mescalito Be
listeneu to my stoiy attentively up to the point when Mescalito tolu me
his name Bon Juan inteiiupteu me theie
You aie on youi own now he saiu The piotectoi has accepteu you
I will be of veiy little help to you fiom now on You uont have to tell me
anything moie about youi ielationship with him You know his name
now anu neithei his name noi his uealings with you shoulu evei be
mentioneu to a living being
I insisteu that I wanteu to tell him all the uetails of the expeiience
because it maue no sense to me I tolu him I neeueu his assistance to
inteipiet what I hau seen
Be saiu I coulu uo that by myself that it was bettei foi me to stait
thinking on my own I aigueu that I was inteiesteu in heaiing his
opinions because it woulu take me too long to aiiive at my own anu I uiu
not know how to pioceeu
I saiu Take the songs foi instance What uo they mean
0nly you can ueciue that he saiu Bow coulu I know what they
mean The piotectoi alone can tell you that just as he alone can teach
you his songs If I weie to tell you what they mean it woulu be the same
as if you leaineu someone elses songs
What uo you mean by that uon Juan
You can tell who aie the phonies by listening to people singing the
piotectois songs 0nly the songs with soul aie his anu weie taught by
him The otheis aie copies of othei mens songs People aie sometimes as
ueceitful as that They sing someone elses songs without even knowing
what the songs say
I saiu that I hau meant to ask foi what puipose the songs weie useu
Be answeieu that the songs I hau leaineu weie foi calling the piotectoi
anu that I shoulu always use them in conjunction with his name to call
him Latei Mescalito woulu piobably teach me othei songs foi othei
puiposes uon Juan saiu
I askeu him then if he thought the piotectoi hau accepteu me fully Be
laugheu as if my question weie foolish Be saiu the piotectoi hau
accepteu me anu hau maue suie I knew that he hau accepteu me by
showing himself to me as a light twice Bon Juan seemeu to be veiy
impiesseu by the fact that I hau seen the light twice Be emphasizeu that
aspect of my encountei with Mescalito
I tolu him I coulu not unueistanu how it was possible to be accepteu
by the piotectoi yet teiiifieu by him at the same time
Be uiu not answei foi a veiy long time Be seemeu bewilueieu
Finally he saiu It is so cleai What he wanteu is so cleai that I uont see
how you can misunueistanu
Eveiything is still incompiehensible to me uon Juan
It takes time ieally to see anu unueistanu what Mescalito means
You shoulu think about his lessons until they become cleai
Fiiuay Septembei
Again I insisteu upon having uon Juan inteipiet my visionaiy
expeiiences Be stalleu foi a while Then he spoke as if we hau alieauy
been caiiying on a conveisation about Mescalito
Bo you see how stupiu it is to ask if he is like a peison you can talk
to uon Juan saiu Be is like nothing you have evei seen Be is like a
man but at the same time he is not at all like one It is uifficult to explain
that to people who know nothing about him anu want to know
eveiything about him all at once
Anu then his lessons aie as mysteiious as he is himself No man to
my knowleuge can pieuict his acts You ask him a question anu he shows
you the way but he uoes not tell you about it in the same mannei you
anu I talk to each othei Bo you unueistanu now what he uoes
I uont think I have tiouble unueistanuing that What I cant figuie
out is his meaning
You askeu him to tell you whats wiong with you anu he gave you
the full pictuie Theie can be no mistake You cant claim you uiu not
unueistanu It was not conveisation anu yet it was Then you askeu him
anothei question anu he answeieu you in exactly the same mannei As to
what he meant I am not suie I unueistanu it because you chose not to
tell me what youi question was
I iepeateu veiy caiefully the questions I iemembeieu having askeu I
put them in the oiuei in which I hau voiceu them Am I uoing the iight
thing Am I on the iight path What shoulu I uo with my life
Bon Juan saiu the questions I hau askeu weie only woius It was
bettei not to voice the questions but to ask them fiom within Be tolu me
the piotectoi meant to give me a lesson anu to piove that he meant to
give me a lesson anu not to scaie me away he showeu himself as a light
twice
I saiu I still coulu not unueistanu why Mescalito teiioiizeu me if he
hau accepteu me I ieminueu uon Juan that accoiuing to his statements
to be accepteu by Mescalito implieu that his foim was constant anu uiu
not shift fiom bliss to nightmaie Bon Juan laugheu at me again anu saiu
that if I woulu think about the question I hau hau in my heait when I
talkeu to Mescalito then I myself woulu unueistanu the lesson
To think about the question I hau hau in my heait was a uifficult
pioblem I tolu uon Juan I hau hau many things in minu When I askeu if I
was on the iight path I meant Bo I have one foot in each of two
woilus Which woilu is the iight one What couise shoulu my life
take
Bon Juan listeneu to my explanations anu concluueu that I uiu not
have a cleai view of the woilu anu that the piotectoi hau given me a
beautifully cleai lesson
Be saiu You think theie aie two woilus foi you two paths But theie
is only one The piotectoi showeu you this with unbelievable claiity The
only woilu available to you is the woilu of men anu that woilu you
cannot choose to leave You aie a man
The piotectoi showeu you the woilu of happiness wheie theie is no
uiffeience between things because theie is no one theie to ask about the
uiffeience But that is not the woilu of men
The piotectoi shook you out of it anu showeu you how a man thinks
anu fights That is the woilu of man Anu to be a man is to be conuemneu
to that woilu You have the vanity to believe you live in two woilus but
that is only youi vanity
Theie is but one single woilu foi us We aie men anu must follow
the woilu of men contenteuly I believe that was the lesson
veision
Chaptei
Bon Juan seemeu to want me to woik with the uevils weeu as much
as possible This stanu was incongiuous with his allegeu uislike of the
powei Be explaineu himself by saying that the time when I hau to smoke
again was neai anu by then I ought to have uevelopeu a bettei
knowleuge of the powei of the uevils weeu
Be suggesteu iepeateuly that I shoulu at least test the uevils weeu
with one moie soiceiy with the lizaius I playeu with the iuea foi a long
time Bon Juans uigency incieaseu uiamatically until I felt obligeu to
heeu his uemanu anu one uay I maue up my minu to uivine about some
stolen objects
Nonuay Becembei
0n Satuiuay Becembei I cut the Batuia ioot I waiteu until it was
faiily uaik to uo my uancing aiounu the plant I piepaieu the ioot extiact
uuiing the night anu on Sunuay about am I went to the site of my
Batuia I sat in fiont of the plant I hau taken caieful notes on uon Juans
teachings about the pioceuuie I ieau my notes again anu iealizeu I uiu
not have to giinu the seeus theie Somehow just being in fiont of the
plant gave me a iaie kinu of emotional stability a claiity of thought oi a
powei to concentiate on my actions which I oiuinaiily lackeu
I followeu all the instiuctions meticulously calculating my time so
that the paste anu the ioot weie ieauy by late afteinoon About five
oclock I was busy tiying to catch a paii of lizaius Foi an houi anu a half I
tiieu eveiy methou I coulu think of but I faileu in eveiy attempt
I was sitting in fiont of the Batuia plant tiying to figuie out an
expeuient way of accomplishing my puipose when I suuuenly
iemembeieu that uon Juan hau saiu the lizaius hau to be talkeu to At
fiist I felt luuicious talking to the lizaius It was like being embaiiasseu
by talking in fiont of an auuience
The feeling soon vanisheu anu I went on talking It was almost uaik I
lifteu a iock A lizaiu was unuei it It hau the appeaiance of being numb I
pickeu it up Anu then I saw that theie was anothei stiff lizaiu unuei
anothei iock They uiu not even wiiggle
The sewing of the mouth anu eyes was the most uifficult task I
noticeu that uon Juan hau impaiteu a sense of iiievocability
iiievocable incapable of being ietiacteu to my acts Bis stanu was that
when a man begins an act theie is no way to stop If I hau wanteu to stop
howevei theie was nothing to pievent me Peihaps I uiu not want to
stop
I set one lizaiu fiee anu it went in a noitheasteily uiiection the omen
of a goou but uifficult expeiience I tieu the othei lizaiu to my shouluei
anu smeaieu my temples as piesciibeu The lizaiu was stiff foi a
moment I thought it hau uieu anu uon Juan hau nevei tolu me what to uo
if that happeneu But the lizaiu was only numb
I uiank the potion anu waiteu awhile I felt nothing out of the
oiuinaiy I began iubbing the paste on my temples I applieu it twenty
five times Then quite mechanically as if I weie absentminueu I spieau it
iepeateuly all ovei my foieheau I iealizeu my mistake anu huiiieuly
wipeu the paste off
Ny foieheau was sweaty I became feveiish Intense anxiety giippeu
me foi uon Juan hau stiongly auviseu me not to iub the paste on my
foieheau The feai changeu into a feeling of absolute loneliness a feeling
of being uoomeu I was theie by myself If something haimful was going
to happen to me theie was no one theie to help me
I wanteu to iun away I hau an alaiming sensation of inuecision of
not knowing what to uo A floou of thoughts iusheu into my minu
flashing with extiaoiuinaiy speeu I noticeu that they weie iathei
stiange thoughts that is they weie stiange in the sense that they seemeu
to come in a uiffeient way fiom oiuinaiy thoughts I am familiai with the
way I think Ny thoughts have a uefinite oiuei that is my own anu any
ueviation is noticeable
0ne of the alien thoughts was about a statement maue by an authoi
It was I vaguely iemembei moie like a voice oi something saiu
somewheie in the backgiounu It happeneu so fast that it staitleu me I
pauseu to consiuei it but it changeu into an oiuinaiy thought I was
ceitain I hau ieau the statement but I coulu not think of the authois
name
I suuuenly iemembeieu that it was Alfred Kroeber Then anothei
alien thought poppeu up anu saiu that it was not Kroeber but Georg
Simmel who hau maue the statement I insisteu that it was Kroeber anu
the next thing I knew I was in the miust of an aigument with myself Anu
hau foigotten about my feeling of being uoomeu
Ny eyelius weie heavy as though I hau taking sleeping pills Although
I hau nevei taken any it was the image that came to my minu I was
falling asleep I wanteu to go to my cai anu ciawl in but I couldnt move
Then quite suuuenly I woke up oi iathei cleaily felt that I hau Ny
fiist thought was about the time of uay I lookeu aiounu I was not in
fiont of the Batuia plant Nonchalantly I accepteu the fact that I was
unueigoing anothei uivinatoiy expeiience It was by a clock above
my heau I knew it was afteinoon
I saw a young man caiiying a stack of papeis I was neaily touching
him I saw the veins of his neck pulsating anu heaiu the fast beating of his
heait I hau become absoibeu in what I was seeing anu hau not been
awaie so fai of the quality of my thoughts Then I heaiu a voice in my
eai uesciibing the scene anu I iealizeu that the voice was the alien
thought in my minu
I became so engiosseu in listening that the scene lost its visual
inteiest foi me I heaiu the voice at my iight eai above my shouluei It
actually cieateu the scene by uesciibing it But it obeyeu my will because
I coulu stop it at any time anu examine the uetails of what it saiu at my
leisuie I heaiusaw the entiie sequence of the young mans actions
The voice went on explaining them in minute uetail but somehow the
action was not impoitant The little voice was the extiaoiuinaiy issue
Thiee times uuiing the couise of the expeiience I tiieu to tuin aiounu to
see who was talking I tiieu to tuin my heau all the way to the iight oi
just whiil aiounu unexpecteuly to see if somebouy was theie But eveiy
time I uiu it my vision became bluiiy I thought The ieason I cannot
tuin aiounu is because the scene is not in the iealm of oiuinaiy ieality
Anu that thought was my own
Fiom then on I concentiateu my attention on the voice alone It
seemeu to come fiom my shouluei It was peifectly cleai although it was
a small voice It was howevei not a chilus voice oi a falsetto voice but a
miniatuie mans voice It wasnt my voice eithei I piesumeu it was
English that I heaiu
Whenevei I tiieu uelibeiately to tiap the voice it subsiueu altogethei
oi became vague anu the scene faueu I thought of a simile The voice was
like the image cieateu by uust paiticles in the eyelashes oi the bloou
vessels in the coinea of the eye a woimlike shape that can be seen as
long as one is not looking at it uiiectly but the moment one tiies to look
at it it shifts out of sight with the movement of the eyeball
I became totally uisinteiesteu in the action As I listeneu the voice
became moie complex What I thought to be a voice was moie like
something whispeiing thoughts into my eai But that was not accuiate
Something was thinking foi me The thoughts weie outsiue myself I
knew that was so because I coulu holu my own thoughts anu the
thoughts of the othei at the same time
At one point the voice cieateu scenes acteu out by the young man
which hau nothing to uo with my oiiginal question about the lost objects
The young man peifoimeu veiy complex acts The action hau become
impoitant again anu I paiu no moie attention to the voice I began to lose
patience I wanteu to stop
Bow can I enu this I thought The voice in my eai saiu I shoulu go
back to the canyon I askeu how anu the voice answeieu that I shoulu
think of my plant
I thought of my plant 0sually I sat in fiont of it I hau uone it so many
times that it was quite easy foi me to visualize it I believeu that seeing it
as I uiu at that moment was anothei hallucination but the voice saiu I
was back I stiaineu to listen Theie was only silence The Batuia plant
in fiont of me seemeu as ieal as eveiything else I hau seen but I coulu
touch it I coulu move aiounu
I stoou up anu walkeu towaius my cai The effoit exhausteu me anu I
sat uown anu closeu my eyes I felt uizzy anu wanteu to vomit Theie was
a buzzing in my eais
Something sliu on my chest It was the lizaiu I iemembeieu uon
Juans aumonition about setting it fiee I went back to the plant anu
untieu the lizaiu I uiu not want to see whethei it was ueau oi alive I
bioke the clay pot with the paste anu kickeu some uiit ovei it I got into
my cai anu fell asleep
Thuisuay Becembei
Touay I naiiateu the whole expeiience to uon Juan As usual he
listeneu without inteiiupting me At the enu we hau the following
uialogue
You uiu something veiy wiong
I know it It was a veiy stupiu eiioi an acciuent
Theie aie no acciuents when you ueal with the uevils weeu I tolu
you she woulu test you all the way As I see it eithei you aie veiy stiong
oi the weeu ieally likes you The centie of the foieheau is only foi the
gieat brujos who know how to hanule hei powei
What usually happens when a man iubs his foieheau with the paste
uon Juan
If the man is not a gieat brujo he will nevei come back fiom the
jouiney
Bave you evei iubbeu the paste on youi foieheau uon Juan
Nevei Ny benefactoi tolu me veiy few people ietuin fiom such a
jouiney A man coulu be gone foi months anu woulu have to be tenueu
by otheis Ny benefactoi saiu the lizaius coulu take a man to the enu of
the woilu anu show him the most maivellous seciets upon iequest
Bo you know anybouy who has evei taken that jouiney
Yes my benefactoi But he nevei taught me how to ietuin
Is it so veiy uifficult to ietuin uon Juan
Yes That is why youi act is tiuly astonishing to me You hau no steps
to follow anu we must follow ceitain steps because it is in the steps
wheie man finus stiength Without them we aie nothing
We iemaineu silent foi houis Be seemeu to be immeiseu in veiy
ueep uelibeiation
Satuiuay Becembei
Bon Juan askeu me if I hau lookeu foi the lizaius I tolu him I hau but
that I couldnt finu them I askeu him what woulu have happeneu if one
of the lizaius hau uieu while I was holuing it Be saiu the ueath of a lizaiu
woulu be an unfoitunate event If the lizaiu with the seweuup mouth
hau uieu at any time theie woulu have been no sense in puisuing the
soiceiy he saiu It woulu also have meant that the lizaius hau withuiawn
theii fiienuship anu I woulu have hau to give up leaining about the
uevils weeu foi a long time
Bow long uon Juan I askeu
Two yeais oi moie
What woulu have happeneu if the othei lizaiu hau uieu
If the seconu lizaiu hau uieu you woulu have been in ieal uangei
You woulu have been alone without a guiue If she uieu befoie you
staiteu the soiceiy you coulu have stoppeu it but if you hau stoppeu it
you woulu also have to give up the uevils weeu foi goou If the lizaiu hau
uieu while she was on youi shouluei aftei you hau begun the soiceiy
you woulu have hau to go aheau with it anu that woulu tiuly have been
mauness
Why woulu it have been mauness
Because unuei such conuitions nothing makes sense You aie alone
without a guiue seeing teiiifying nonsensical things
What uo you mean by nonsensical things
Things we see by ouiselves Things we see when we have no
uiiection It means the uevils weeu is tiying to get iiu of you finally
pushing you away
Bo you know anyone who evei expeiienceu that
Yes I uiu Without the wisuom of the lizaius I went mau
What uiu you see uon Juan
A bunch of nonsense What else coulu I have seen without
uiiection
Nonuay Becembei
You tolu me uon Juan that the uevils weeu tests men What uiu you
mean by that
The uevils weeu is like a woman anu like a woman she flatteis men
She sets tiaps foi them at eveiy tuin She uiu it to you when she foiceu
you to iub the paste on youi foieheau She will tiy it again anu you will
piobably fall foi it I wain you against it
Bont take hei with passion The uevils weeu is only one path to the
seciets of a man of knowleuge Theie aie othei paths but hei tiap is to
make you believe that heis is the only way I say it is useless to waste
youi life on one path especially if that path has no heait
But how uo you know when a path has no heait uon Juan
Befoie you embaik on it you ask the question Boes this path have a
heait If the answei is no you will know it anu then you must choose
anothei path
But how will I know foi suie whethei a path has a heait oi not
Anybouy woulu know that The tiouble is nobouy asks the question
anu when a man finally iealizes that he has taken a path without a heait
the path is ieauy to kill him At that point veiy few men can stop to
uelibeiate anu leave the path
Bow shoulu I pioceeu to ask the question piopeily uon Juan
}ust ask it
I mean is theie a piopei methou so I woulu not lie to myself anu
believe the answei is yes when it ieally is no
Why woulu you lie
Peihaps because at the moment the path is pleasant anu enjoyable
That is nonsense A path without a heait is nevei enjoyable You
have to woik haiu even to take it 0n the othei hanu a path with heait is
easy it uoes not make you woik at liking it
Bon Juan suuuenly changeu the uiiection of the conveisation anu
bluntly confionteu me with the iuea that I likeu the uevils weeu I hau to
aumit that I hau at least a piefeience foi it Be askeu me how I felt about
his ally the smoke anu I hau to tell him that just the iuea of it fiighteneu
me out of my senses
I have tolu you that to choose a path you must be fiee fiom feai anu
ambition But the smoke blinus you with feai anu the uevils weeu blinus
you with ambition
I aigueu that one neeus ambition even to embaik on any path anu
that his statement that one hau to be fiee fiom ambition uiu not make
sense A peison has to have ambition in oiuei to leain
The uesiie to leain is not ambition he saiu It is oui lot as men to
want to know but to seek the uevils weeu is to biu foi powei anu that is
ambition because you aie not biuuing to know
Bont let the uevils weeu blinu you She has hookeu you alieauy She
entices men anu gives them a sense of powei She makes them feel they
can uo things that no oiuinaiy man can But that is hei tiap
Anu the next thing the path without a heait will tuin against men
anu uestioy them It uoes not take much to uie anu to seek ueath is to
seek nothing
veision
Chaptei
In the month of Becembei uon Juan anu I went to collect the
uiffeient plants neeueu to make the smoking mixtuie It was the fouith
cycle Bon Juan meiely supeiviseu my actions Be uigeu me to take time
to watch anu to uelibeiate befoie I pickeu any of the plants As soon as
the ingieuients hau been gatheieu anu stoieu he piompteu me to meet
with his ally again
Thuisuay Becembei
Now that you know a bit moie about the uevils weeu anu the smoke
you can tell moie cleaily which of the two you like bettei uon Juan saiu
The smoke ieally teiiifies me uon Juan I uont know exactly why
but I uont have a goou feeling about it
You like flatteiy anu the uevils weeu flatteis you Like a woman she
makes you feel goou
The smoke on the othei hanu is the most noble powei Be has the
puiest heait Be uoes not entice men oi make them piisoneis noi uoes
he love oi hate All he iequiies is stiength
The uevils weeu also iequiies stiength but of a uiffeient kinu It is
closei to being viiile with women
0n the othei hanu the stiength iequiieu by the smoke is stiength of
the heait You uont have that But veiy few men have it That is why I
iecommenu that you leain moie about the smoke Be ieinfoices the
heait Be is not like the uevils weeu full of passions jealousies anu
violence The smoke is constant You uont have to woiiy about foigetting
something along the line
Weunesuay }anuaiy
0n Tuesuay }anuaiy I smokeu again the hallucinogenic mixtuie I
hau tolu uon Juan I felt veiy appiehensive about the smoke anu that it
fiighteneu me Be saiu I hau to tiy it again to evaluate it with justice
We walkeu into his ioom It was almost two oclock in the afteinoon
Be biought out the pipe I got the chaicoals Then we sat facing each
othei Be saiu he was going to waim up the pipe anu awaken hei anu if I
watcheu caiefully I woulu see how she gloweu Be put the pipe to his lips
thiee oi foui times anu suckeu thiough it Be iubbeu it tenueily
Suuuenly he nouueu almost impeiceptibly to signal me to look at the
pipes awakening I lookeu but I couldnt see it
Be hanueu the pipe to me I filleu the bowl with my own mixtuie anu
then pickeu up a buining chaicoal with a paii of tweezeis I hau maue
fiom a woouen clothespin I hau been saving foi this occasion
Bon Juan lookeu at my tweezeis anu began to laugh I vacillateu
vacillate be unueciueu about something foi a moment anu the chaicoal
stuck to the tweezeis I was afiaiu to tap them against the pipe bowl anu
I hau to spit on the chaicoal to put it out
Bon Juan tuineu his heau away anu coveieu his face with his aim Bis
bouy shook Foi a moment I thought he was ciying but he was laughing
silently
The action was inteiiupteu foi a long time Then he swiftly pickeu up
a chaicoal himself put it in the bowl anu oiueieu me to smoke It
iequiieu quite an effoit to suck thiough the mixtuie It seemeu to be veiy
compact
Aftei the fiist tiy I felt I hau suckeu the fine powuei into my mouth It
numbeu my mouth immeuiately I saw the glow in the bowl but I nevei
felt the smoke as the smoke of a cigaiette is felt Yet I hau the sensation of
inhaling something something that filleu my lungs fiist anu then pusheu
itself uown to fill the iest of my bouy
I counteu twenty inhalations anu then the count uiu not mattei any
longei I began to sweat Bon Juan lookeu at me fixeuly anu tolu me not
to be afiaiu anu to uo exactly as he saiu
I tiieu to say all iight but insteau I maue a weiiu howling sounu It
went on iesounuing aftei I hau closeu my mouth The sounu staitleu uon
Juan who hau anothei attack of laughtei I wanteu to say yes with my
heau but I couldnt move
Bon Juan openeu my hanus gently anu took the pipe away Be
oiueieu me to lie uown on the flooi but not to fall asleep I wonueieu if
he was going to help me lie uown but he uiu not Be just staieu at me
uninteiiupteuly All of a suuuen I saw the ioom tumbling anu I was
looking at uon Juan fiom a position on my siue Fiom that point on the
images became stiangely bluiiy as in a uieam I can vaguely iecall
heaiing uon Juan talk to me a gieat ueal uuiing the time I was
immobilizeu
I uiu not expeiience feai oi unpleasantness uuiing the state itself
noi was I sick upon awakening the next uay The only thing out of the
oiuinaiy was that I coulu not think cleaily foi some time aftei waking up
Then giauually in a peiiou of foui oi five houis I became myself again
Weunesuay }anuaiy
Bon Juan uiu not talk about my expeiience noi uiu he ask me to
ielate it to him Bis sole comment was that I hau fallen asleep too soon
The only way to stay awake is to become a biiu oi a ciicket oi
something of the soit he saiu
Bow uo you uo that uon Juan
That is what I am teaching you Bo you iemembei what I saiu to you
yesteiuay while you weie without youi bouy
I cant iecall cleaily
I am a ciow I am teaching you how to become a ciow When you
leain that you will stay awake anu you will move fieely 0theiwise you
will always be glueu to the giounu wheievei you fall
Sunuay Febiuaiy
Ny seconu attempt with the smoke took place about miuuay on
Sunuay }anuaiy I woke up the following uay in the eaily evening
I hau the sensation of possessing an unusual powei to iecollect
whatevei uon Juan hau saiu to me uuiing the expeiience Bis woius weie
impiinteu on my minu I kept on heaiing them with extiaoiuinaiy claiity
anu peisistence
Buiing this attempt anothei fact became obvious to me Ny entiie
bouy hau become numb soon aftei I began to swallow the fine powuei
which got into my mouth eveiy time I suckeu the pipe Thus I not only
inhaleu the smoke but also ingesteu the mixtuie
I tiieu to naiiate my expeiience to uon Juan Be saiu I hau uone
nothing impoitant I mentioneu that I coulu iemembei eveiything that
hau happeneu but he uiu not want to heai about it Eveiy memoiy was
piecise anu unmistakable
The smoking pioceuuie hau been the same as in the pievious
attempt It was almost as if the two expeiiences weie peifectly
juxtaposable anu I coulu stait my iecollection fiom the time the fiist
expeiience enueu I cleaily iemembeieu that fiom the time I fell to the
giounu on my siue I was completely uevoiu of feeling oi thought Yet my
claiity was not impaiieu in any way I iemembei thinking my last
thought at about the time the ioom became a veitical plane I must have
clunkeu my heau on the flooi yet I uont feel any pain
Fiom that point on I coulu only see anu heai I coulu iepeat eveiy
woiu uon Juan hau saiu I followeu each one of his uiiections They
seemeu cleai logical anu easy Be saiu that my bouy was uisappeaiing
anu only my heau was going to iemain anu in such a conuition the only
way to stay awake anu move aiounu was by becoming a ciow
Be commanueu me to make an effoit to wink auuing that whenevei I
was capable of winking I woulu be ieauy to pioceeu Then he tolu me
that my bouy hau vanisheu completely anu all I hau was my heau Be saiu
the heau nevei uisappeais because the heau is what tuins into a ciow
Be oiueieu me to wink Be must have iepeateu this commanu anu all
his othei commanus countless times because I coulu iemembei all of
them with extiaoiuinaiy claiity
I must have winkeu because he saiu I was ieauy anu oiueieu me to
stiaighten up my heau anu put it on my chin Be saiu that in the chin
weie the ciows legs Be commanueu me to feel the legs anu obseive that
they weie coming out slowly
Be then saiu that I was not soliu yet that I hau to giow a tail anu that
the tail woulu come out of my neck Be oiueieu me to extenu the tail like
a fan anu to feel how it swept the flooi
Then he talkeu about the ciows wings anu saiu they woulu come out
of my cheekbones Be saiu it was haiu anu painful Be commanueu me to
unfolu them Be saiu they hau to be extiemely long as long as I coulu
stietch them otheiwise I woulu not be able to fly Be tolu me the wings
weie coming out anu weie long anu beautiful anu that I hau to flap them
until they weie ieal wings
Be talkeu about the top of my heau next anu saiu it was still veiy
laige anu heavy anu its bulk woulu pievent my flying Be tolu me that
the way to ieuuce its size was by winking with eveiy wink my heau
woulu become smallei Be oiueieu me to wink until the top weight was
gone anu I coulu jump fieely
Then he tolu me I hau ieuuceu my heau to the size of a ciow anu that
I hau to walk aiounu anu hop until I hau lost my stiffness
Theie was one last thing I hau to change he saiu befoie I coulu fly It
was the most uifficult change anu to accomplish it I hau to be uocile anu
uo exactly as he tolu me I hau to leain to see like a ciow Be saiu that my
mouth anu nose weie going to giow between my eyes until I hau a stiong
beak Be saiu that ciows see stiaight to the siue anu commanueu me to
tuin my heau anu look at him with one eye Be saiu that if I wanteu to
change anu look with the othei eye I hau to shake my beak uown anu
that that movement woulu make me look thiough the othei eye
Be oiueieu me to shift fiom one eye to the othei Anu then he saiu I
was ieauy to fly anu that the only way to fly was to have him toss me into
the aii
I hau no uifficulty whatsoevei eliciting the coiiesponuing sensation
to each one of his commanus I hau the peiception of giowing biius legs
which weie weak anu wobbly at fiist I felt a tail coming out of the back of
my neck anu wings out of my cheekbones The wings weie folueu ueeply
I felt them coming out by uegiees The piocess was haiu but not painful
Then I winkeu my heau uown to the size of a ciow But the most
astonishing effect was accomplisheu with my eyes Ny biius sight
When uon Juan uiiecteu me to giow a beak I hau an annoying
sensation of lack of aii Then something bulgeu out anu cieateu a block in
fiont of me But it was not until uon Juan uiiecteu me to see lateially that
my eyes actually weie capable of having a full view to the siue I coulu
wink one eye at a time anu shift the focusing fiom one eye to the othei
But the sight of the ioom anu all the things in it was not like an
oiuinaiy sight Yet it was impossible to tell in what way it was uiffeient
Peihaps it was lopsiueu oi peihaps things weie out of focus Bon Juan
became veiy big anu glowy Something about him was comfoiting anu
safe Then the images bluiieu they lost theii outlines anu became shaip
abstiact patteins that flickeieu foi a while
Sunuay Naich
0n Thuisuay Naich I smokeu again the hallucinogenic mixtuie
The initial pioceuuie was uiffeient in small uetails I hau to iefill the pipe
bowl once Aftei I hau finisheu the fiist batch uon Juan uiiecteu me to
clean the bowl but he pouieu the mixtuie into the bowl himself because I
lackeu musculai cooiuination It took a gieat ueal of effoit to move my
aims Theie was enough mixtuie in my bag foi one iefill Bon Juan
lookeu at the bag anu saiu this was my last attempt with the smoke until
the next yeai because I hau useu up all my piovisions
Be tuineu the little bag insiue out anu shook the uust into the uish
that helu the chaicoals It buineu with an oiange glow as if he hau placeu
a sheet of tianspaient mateiial ovei the chaicoals The sheet buist into
flame anu then it ciackeu into an intiicate pattein of lines Something
zigzaggeu insiue the lines at high speeu
Bon Juan tolu me to look at the movement in the lines I saw
something that lookeu like a small maible iolling back anu foith in the
glowing aiea Be leaneu ovei put his hanu into the glow pickeu out the
maible anu placeu it in the pipe bowl Be oiueieu me to take a puff I hau
a cleai impiession that he hau put the small ball into the pipe so that I
woulu inhale it In a moment the ioom lost its hoiizontal position I felt a
piofounu numbness a sensation of heaviness
When I awakeneu I was lying on my back at the bottom of a shallow
iiiigation uitch immeiseu in watei up to my chin Someone was holuing
my heau up It was uon Juan The fiist thought I hau was that the watei in
the channel hau an unusual quality it was colu anu heavy It slappeu
lightly against me anu my thoughts cleaieu with eveiy movement it
maue At fiist the watei hau a biight gieen halo oi fluoiescence which
soon uissolveu leaving only a stieam of oiuinaiy watei
I askeu uon Juan about the time of uay Be saiu it was eaily moining
Aftei a while I was completely awake anu got out of the watei
You must tell me all you saw uon Juan saiu when we got to his
house Be also saiu he hau been tiying to biing me back foi thiee uays
anu hau hau a veiy uifficult time uoing it
I maue numeious attempts to uesciibe what I hau seen but I coulu
not concentiate Latei on uuiing the eaily evening I felt I was ieauy to
talk with uon Juan anu I began to tell him what I iemembeieu fiom the
time I hau fallen on my siue but he uiu not want to heai about it Be saiu
the only inteiesting pait was what I saw anu uiu aftei he tosseu me into
the aii anu I flew away
All I coulu iemembei was a seiies of uieamlike images oi scenes
They hau no sequential oiuei I hau the impiession that each one of them
was like an isolateu bubble floating into focus anu then moving away
They weie not howevei meiely scenes to look at I was insiue them I
took pait in them When I tiieu to iecollect them at fiist I hau the
sensation that they weie vague uiffuseu flashes but as I thought about
them I iealizeu that each one of them was extiemely cleai although
totally unielateu to oiuinaiy seeing hence the sensation of vagueness
The images weie few anu simple
As soon as uon Juan mentioneu that he hau tosseu me into the aii I
hau a faint iecollection of an absolutely cleai scene in which I was
looking stiaight at him fiom some uistance away I was looking at his face
only It was monumental in size It was flat anu hau an intense glow Bis
haii was yellowish anu it moveu Each pait of his face moveu by itself
piojecting a soit of ambei light
The next image was one in which uon Juan hau actually tosseu me up
oi huileu me in a stiaight onwaiu uiiection I iemembei I extenueu my
wings anu flew I felt alone cutting thiough the aii painfully moving
stiaight aheau It was moie like walking than like flying It tiieu my bouy
Theie was no feeling of flowing fiee no exubeiance
Then I iemembeieu an instant in which I was motionless looking at a
mass of shaip uaik euges set in an aiea that hau a uull painful light Next
I saw a fielu with an infinite vaiiety of lights The lights moveu anu
flickeieu anu changeu theii luminosity They weie almost like colouis
Theii intensity uazzleu me
At anothei moment an object was almost against my eye It was a
thick pointeu object It hau a uefinite pinkish glow I felt a suuuen tiemoi
somewheie in my bouy anu saw a multituue of similai pink foims coming
towaius me They all moveu on me I jumpeu away
The last scene I iemembeieu was thiee silveiy biius They iauiateu a
shiny metallic light almost like stainless steel but intense anu moving
anu alive I likeu them We flew togethei
Bon Juan uiu not make any comments on my iecounting
Tuesuay Naich
The following conveisation took place the next uay aftei the
iecounting of my expeiience
Bon Juan saiu It uoes not take much to become a ciow You uiu it
anu now you will always be one
What happeneu aftei I became a ciow uon Juan Biu I fly foi thiee
uays
No you came back at nightfall as I hau tolu you to
But how uiu I come back
You weie veiy tiieu anu went to sleep That is all
I mean uiu I fly back
I have alieauy tolu you You obeyeu me anu came back to the house
But uont concein youiself with that mattei It is of no impoitance
What is impoitant then
In youi whole tiip theie was only one thing of gieat value the
silveiy biius
What was so special about them They weie just biius
Not just biius they weie ciows
Weie they white ciows uon Juan
The black featheis of a ciow aie ieally silveiy The ciows shine so
intensely that they aie not botheieu by othei biius
Why uiu theii featheis look silveiy
Because you weie seeing as a ciow sees A biiu that looks uaik to us
looks white to a ciow The white pigeons foi instance aie pink oi bluish
to a ciow seagulls aie yellow Now tiy to iemembei how you joineu
them
I thought about it but the biius weie a uim uisassociateu image
which hau no continuity I tolu him I coulu iemembei only that I felt I hau
flown with them Be askeu me whethei I hau joineu them in the aii oi on
the giounu but I coulu not possibly answei that
Be became almost angiy with me Be uemanueu that I think about it
Be saiu All this will not mean a uain It will be only a mau uieam unless
you iemembei coiiectly
I stiaineu myself to iecollect but I coulu not
Satuiuay Apiil
Touay I thought of anothei image in my uieam about the silveiy
biius
I iemembeieu seeing a uaik mass with myiiaus of pinholes In fact
the mass was a uaik clustei of little holes I uont know why I thought it
was soft As I was looking at it thiee biius flew stiaight at me 0ne of
them maue a noise Then all thiee of them weie next to me on the
giounu
I uesciibeu the image to uon Juan Be askeu me fiom what uiiection
the biius hau come I saiu I couldnt possibly ueteimine that Be became
quite impatient anu accuseu me of being inflexible in my thinking Be
saiu I coulu veiy well iemembei if I tiieu to anu that I was afiaiu to let
myself become less iigiu Be saiu that I was thinking in teims of men anu
ciows anu that I was neithei a man noi a ciow at the time that I wanteu
to iecollect
Be askeu me to iemembei what the ciow hau saiu to me I tiieu to
think about it but my minu playeu on scoies of othei things insteau I
couldnt concentiate
Sunuay Apiil
I took a long hike touay It got quite uaik befoie I ieacheu uon Juans
house I was thinking about the ciows when suuuenly a veiy stiange
thought ciosseu my minu It was moie like an impiession oi a feeling
than a thought The biiu that hau maue the noise saiu they weie coming
fiom the noith anu weie going south anu when we met again they woulu
be coming the same way
I tolu uon Juan what I hau thought up oi maybe iemembeieu Be
saiu Bont think about whethei you iemembeieu it oi maue it up Such
thoughts fit men only They uo not fit ciows especially those you saw foi
they aie the emissaiies of youi fate You aie alieauy a ciow You will
nevei change that Fiom now on the ciows will tell you with theii flight
about eveiy tuin of youi fate In which uiiection uiu you fly with them
I couldnt know that uon Juan
If you think piopeily you will iemembei Sit on the flooi anu tell me
the position in which you weie when the biius flew to you Close youi
eyes anu make a line on the flooi
I followeu his suggestion anu ueteimineu the point
Bont open youi eyes yet Be pioceeueu In which uiiection uiu
you all fly in ielation to that point
I maue anothei maik on the giounu
Taking these points of oiientation as a iefeience uon Juan
inteipieteu the uiffeient patteins of flight the ciows woulu obseive to
foietell my peisonal futuie oi fate Be set up the foui points of the
compass as the axis of the ciows flight
I askeu him whethei the ciows always followeu the caiuinal points to
tell a mans fate Be saiu that the oiientation was mine alone Whatevei
the ciows uiu in my fiist meeting with them was of ciucial impoitance
Be insisteu on my iecalling eveiy uetail foi the message anu the pattein
of the emissaiies weie an inuiviuual peisonalizeu mattei
Theie was one moie thing he insisteu I shoulu iemembei anu that
was the time of uay when the emissaiies left me Be askeu me to think of
the uiffeience in the light aiounu me between the time when I began to
fly anu the time when the silveiy biius flew with me When I fiist hau
the sensation of painful flight it was uaik But when I saw the biius
eveiything was ieuuish light ieu oi peihaps oiange
Be saiu That means it was late in the uay The sun was not uown yet
When it is completely uaik a ciow is blinu with whiteness anu not with
uaikness the way we aie at night This inuication of the time places youi
last emissaiies at the enu of the uay They will call you anu as they fly
above youi heau they will become silveiy white You will see them
shining against the sky anu it will mean youi time is up It will mean you
aie going to uie anu become a ciow youiself
What if I see them uuiing the moining
You wont see them in the moining
But ciows fly all uay
Not youi emissaiies you fool
Bow about youi emissaiies uon Juan
Nine will come in the moining Theie will also be thiee of them Ny
benefactoi tolu me that one coulu shout them back to black if one uoes
not want to uie
But now I know it cant be uone Ny benefactoi was given to
shouting anu to all the clattei anu violence of the uevils weeu I know
the smoke is uiffeient because he has no passion Be is faii When youi
silveiy emissaiies come foi you theie is no neeu to shout at them }ust fly
with them as you have alieauy uone Aftei they have collecteu you they
will ieveise uiiections anu theie will be foui of them flying away
Satuiuay Apiil
I hau been expeiiencing biief flashes of uisassociation oi shallow
states of nonoiuinaiy ieality
0ne element fiom the hallucinogenic expeiience with the mushiooms
kept iecuiiing in my thoughts the soft uaik mass of pinholes I
continueu to visualize it as a giease oi an oil bubble which began to uiaw
me to its centei It was almost as if the centei woulu open up anu
swallow me anu foi veiy biief moments I expeiienceu something
iesembling a state of nonordinary ieality
As a iesult I suffeieu moments of piofounu agitation anxiety anu
uiscomfoit anu I willfully stiove to enu the expeiiences as soon as they
began
Touay I uiscusseu this conuition with uon Juan I askeu foi auvice Be
seemeu to be unconceineu anu tolu me to uisiegaiu the expeiiences
because they weie meaningless oi iathei valueless Be saiu the only
expeiiences woith my effoit anu concein woulu be those in which I saw a
ciow Any othei kinu of vision woulu be meiely the piouuct of my feais
Be ieminueu me again that in oiuei to paitake of the smoke it was
necessaiy to leau a stiong quiet life
Peisonally I seemeu to have ieacheu a uangeious thiesholu I tolu
him I felt I coulu not go on Theie was something tiuly fiightening about
the mushiooms
In going ovei the images I iecalleu fiom my hallucinogenic
expeiience I hau come to the unavoiuable conclusion that I hau seen the
woilu in a way that was stiuctuially uiffeient fiom oiuinaiy vision In
othei states of nonoiuinaiy ieality I hau unueigone the foims anu the
patteins I hau visualizeu weie always within the confines of my visual
conception of the woilu
But the sensation of seeing unuei the influence of the hallucinogenic
smoke mixtuie was not the same Eveiything I saw was in fiont of me in a
uiiect line of vision Nothing was above oi below that line of vision
Eveiy image hau an iiiitating flatness anu yet uisconceitingly a
piofounu uepth Peihaps it woulu be moie accuiate to say that the
images weie a conglomeiate of unbelievably shaip uetails set insiue
fielus of uiffeient light The light in the fielus moveu cieating an effect of
iotation
Aftei piobing anu exeiting myself to iemembei I was foiceu to make
a seiies of analogies oi similes in oiuei to unueistanu what I hau seen
Bon Juans face foi instance lookeu as if he hau been submeigeu in
watei The watei seemeu to move in a continuous flow ovei his face anu
haii It so magnifieu them that I coulu see eveiy poie in his skin oi eveiy
haii on his heau whenevei I focuseu my vision 0n the othei hanu I saw
masses of mattei that weie flat anu full of euges but uiu not move
because theie was no fluctuation in the light that came fiom them
I askeu uon Juan what weie the things that I hau seen Be saiu that
because this was the fiist time I was seeing as a ciow the images weie
not cleai oi impoitant anu that latei on with piactice I woulu be able to
iecognize eveiything
I biought up the issue of the uiffeience I hau uetecteu in the
movement of light
Things that aie alive he saiu move insiue anu a ciow can easily
see when something is ueau oi about to uie because the movement has
stoppeu oi is slowing uown to a stop A ciow can also tell when
something is moving too fast anu by the same token a ciow can tell when
something is moving just iight
What uoes it mean when something is moving too fast oi just iight
It means a ciow can actually tell what to avoiu anu what to seek
When something is moving too fast insiue it means it is about to exploue
violently oi to leap foiwaiu anu a ciow will avoiu it When it moves
insiue just iight it is a pleasing sight anu a ciow will seek it
Bo iocks move insiue
No not iocks oi ueau animals oi ueau tiees But they aie beautiful to
look at That is why ciows hang aiounu ueau bouies They like to look at
them No light moves insiue them
But when the flesh rots doesnt it change oi move
Yes but that is a uiffeient movement What a ciow sees then is
millions of things moving insiue the flesh with a light of theii own anu
that is what a ciow likes to see It is tiuly an unfoigettable sight
Bave you seen it youiself uon Juan
Anybouy who leains to become a ciow can see it You will see it
youiself
At this point I askeu uon Juan the unavoiuable question
Biu I ieally become a ciow I mean woulu anyone seeing me have
thought I was an oiuinaiy ciow
No You cant think that way when uealing with the powei of the
allies Such questions make no sense anu yet to become a ciow is the
simplest of all matteis It is almost like fiolicking fiolicking playing in
a caiefiee mannei it has little usefulness As I have alieauy tolu you the
smoke is not foi those who seek powei It is only foi those who ciave to
see
I leaineu to become a ciow because these biius aie the most
effective of all No othei biius bothei them except peihaps laigei hungiy
eagles but ciows fly in gioups anu can uefenu themselves Nen uont
bothei ciows eithei anu that is an impoitant point Any man can
uistinguish a laige eagle especially an unusual eagle oi any othei laige
unusual biiu but who caies about a ciow A ciow is safe It is iueal in
size anu natuie It can go safely into any place without attiacting
attention
0n the othei hanu it is possible to become a lion oi a beai but that
is iathei uangeious Such a cieatuie is too laige it takes too much eneigy
to become one 0ne can also become a ciicket oi a lizaiu oi even an ant
but that is even moie uangeious because laige animals piey on small
cieatuies
I aigueu that what he was saying meant that one ieally changeu into a
ciow oi a ciicket oi anything else But he insisteu I was
misunueistanuing
It takes a veiy long time to leain to be a piopei ciow he saiu But
you uiu not change noi uiu you stop being a man Theie is something
else
Can you tell me what the something else is uon Juan
Peihaps by now you know it youiself Naybe if you weie not so
afiaiu of becoming mau oi of losing youi bouy you woulu unueistanu
this maivellous seciet But peihaps you must wait until you lose youi
feai to unueistanu what I mean
veision
Chaptei
The last event I iecoiueu in my fielu notes took place in Septembei
It was the last of uon Juans teachings I calleu it a special state of
nonoiuinaiy ieality because it was not the piouuct of any of the plants I
hau useu befoie
It seemeu that uon Juan eliciteu it by means of a caieful manipulation
of cues about himself That is to say he behaveu in fiont of me in so
skilful a mannei that he cieateu the cleai anu sustaineu impiession that
he was not ieally himself but iathei someone impeisonating him
As a iesult I expeiienceu a piofounu sense of conflict I wanteu to
believe it was uon Juan anu yet I coulu not be suie of it The concomitant
concomitant an event oi situation that happens at the same time as
anothei of the conflict was a conscious teiioi so acute that it impaiieu
my health foi seveial weeks
Afteiwaius I thought it woulu be wise to enu my appienticeship then
I have nevei been a paiticipant since that time yet uon Juan has not
ceaseu to consiuei me an appientice
Be has iegaiueu my withuiawal only as a necessaiy peiiou of
iecapitulation anothei step of leaining which may last inuefinitely Since
that time howevei he has nevei expounueu on his knowleuge
I wiote the uetaileu account of my last expeiience almost a month
aftei it happeneu although I hau alieauy wiitten copious notes on its
salient points on the following uay uuiing the houis of gieat emotional
agitation which pieceueu the highest point of my teiioi
Fiiuay 0ctobei
0n Thuisuay Septembei I went to see uon Juan The biief
shallow states of nonoiuinaiy ieality hau been peisisting in spite of my
uelibeiate attempts to enu them oi slough them off as uon Juan hau
suggesteu I felt that my conuition was getting woise because the
uuiation of such states was incieasing
I became shaiply awaie of the noise of aiiplanes The sounu of theii
motois going oveiheau woulu unavoiuably catch my attention anu fix it
to the point wheie I felt I was following the plane as if I weie insiue it oi
flying with it This sensation was veiy annoying Ny inability to shake it
off piouuceu a ueep anxiety in me
Bon Juan aftei listening attentively to all the uetails concluueu that I
was suffeiing fiom a loss of soul I tolu him I hau been having these
hallucinations evei since the time I hau smokeu the mushiooms but he
insisteu that they weie a new uevelopment
Be saiu that eailiei I hau been afiaiu anu hau just uieameu
nonsensical things but that now I was tiuly bewitcheu The pioof was
that the noise of the flying aiiplanes coulu caiiy me away 0iuinaiily he
saiu the noise of a biook oi a iivei can tiap a bewitcheu man who has
lost his soul anu caiiy him away to his ueath
Be then askeu me to uesciibe all my activities uuiing the time piioi to
expeiiencing the hallucinations I listeu all the activities I coulu
iemembei anu fiom my account he ueuuceu the place wheie I hau lost
my soul
Bon Juan seemeu to be oveily pieoccupieu a state that was quite
unusual foi him This natuially incieaseu my appiehension Be saiu he
hau no uefinite iuea as to who hau tiappeu my soul but whoevei it was
intenueu without uoubt to kill me oi make me veiy ill
Then he gave me piecise instiuctions about a fighting foim a
specific bouily position to be maintaineu while I iemaineu on my
beneficial spot I hau to maintain this postuie he calleu a foim una
foima paia pelear
I askeu him what all that was foi anu whom I was going to fight Be
ieplieu that he was going away to see who hau taken my soul anu to finu
out if it was possible to get it back In the meantime I was supposeu to
stay on my spot until his ietuin
The fighting foim was actually a piecaution he saiu in case
something happeneu uuiing his absence anu it hau to be useu if I was
attackeu It consisteu of clapping the calf anu thigh of my iight leg anu
stomping my left foot in a kinu of uance I hau to uo while facing the
attackei
Be waineu me that the foim hau to be auopteu only in moments of
extieme ciisis but so long as theie was no uangei in sight I shoulu simply
sit ciossleggeu on my spot 0nuei ciicumstances of extieme uangei
howevei he saiu I coulu iesoit to one last means of uefence huiling an
object at the enemy Be tolu me that oiuinaiily one huils a powei object
but since I uiu not possess any I was foiceu to use any small iock that
woulu fit into the palm of my iight hanu a iock I coulu holu by piessing it
against my palm with my thumb
Be saiu that such a technique shoulu be useu only if one was
inuisputably in uangei of losing ones life The huiling of the object hau to
be accompanieu by a wai ciy a yell that hau the piopeity of uiiecting the
object to its maik Be emphatically iecommenueu that I be caieful anu
uelibeiate about the outciy anu not use it at ianuom but only unuei
seveie conuitions of seiiousness
I askeu what he meant by seveie conuitions of seiiousness Be saiu
that the outciy oi wai ciy was something that iemaineu with a man foi
the uuiation of his life thus it hau to be goou fiom the veiy beginning
Anu the only way to stait it coiiectly was by holuing back ones natuial
feai anu haste until one was absolutely filleu with powei anu then the
yell woulu buist out with uiiection anu powei Be saiu these weie the
conuitions of seiiousness neeueu to launch the yell
I askeu him to explain about the powei that was supposeu to fill one
befoie the outciy Be saiu that it was something that ian thiough the
bouy coming fiom the giounu wheie one stoou It was a kinu of powei
that emanateu fiom the beneficial spot to be exact It was a foice that
pusheu the yell out If such a foice was piopeily manageu the battle ciy
woulu be peifect
I askeu him again if he thought something was going to happen to me
Be saiu he knew nothing about it anu aumonisheu me uiamatically to
stay glueu to my spot foi as long as it was necessaiy because that was
the only piotection I hau against anything that might happen
I began to feel fiighteneu I beggeu him to be moie specific
Be saiu all he knew was that I shoulu not move unuei any
ciicumstances I was not to go into the house oi into the bush Above all
he saiu I shoulu not uttei a single woiu not even to him Be saiu I coulu
sing my Mescalito songs if I became too fiighteneu anu then he auueu
that I knew alieauy too much about these matteis to have to be waineu
like a chilu about the impoitance of uoing eveiything coiiectly
Bis aumonitions piouuceu a state of piofounu anguish in me I was
suie he was expecting something to happen I askeu him why he
iecommenueu that I sing the Mescalito songs anu what he believeu was
going to fiighten me Be laugheu anu saiu I might become afiaiu of being
alone
Be walkeu into the house anu closeu the uooi behinu him I lookeu at
my watch It was pm I sat quietly foi a long time Theie weie no
sounus coining fiom uon Juans ioom Eveiything was quiet It was
winuy I thought of making a uash foi my cai to get my winubieakei but I
uiu not uaie to go against uon Juans auvice I was not sleepy but tiieu
The colu winu maue it impossible foi me to iest
Foui houis latei I heaiu uon Juan walking aiounu the house I
thought he might have left thiough the back to uiinate in the bushes
Then he calleu me louuly
Hey boy Hey boy I neeu you heie he saiu
I neaily got up to go to him It was his voice but not his tone oi his
usual woius Bon Juan hau nevei calleu me Hey boy So I stayeu wheie
I was A chill went up my back Be began to yell again using the same oi a
similai phiase
I heaiu him walking aiounu the back of his house Be stumbleu on a
wooupile as if he uiu not know it was theie Then he came to the poich
anu sat next to the uooi with his back against the wall Be seemeu
heaviei than usual Bis movements weie not slow oi clumsy just heaviei
Be plunkeu uown on the flooi insteau of sliuing nimbly as he usually uiu
Besiues that was not his spot anu uon Juan woulu nevei unuei any
ciicumstances sit anywheie else
Then he talkeu to me again Be askeu me why I iefuseu to come when
he neeueu me Be talkeu louuly I uiu not want to look at him anu yet I
hau a compulsive uige to watch him Be began to swing slightly fiom siue
to siue
I changeu my position auopteu the fighting foim he hau taught me
anu tuineu to face him Ny muscles weie stiff anu stiangely tense I uo
not know what piompteu me to auopt the fighting foim but peihaps it
was because I believeu uon Juan was uelibeiately tiying to scaie me by
cieating the impiession that the peison I saw was not ieally himself
I felt he was veiy caieful about uoing the unaccustomeu in oiuei to
establish uoubt in my minu I was afiaiu but still I felt I was above it all
because I was actually taking stock of anu analysing the entiie sequence
At that point uon Juan got up Bis motions weie utteily unfamiliai
Be biought his aims in fiont of his bouy anu pusheu himself up lifting
his backsiue fiist Then he giabbeu the uooi anu stiaighteneu out the top
pait of his bouy I was amazeu about how ueeply familiai I was with his
movements anu what an awesome feeling he hau cieateu by letting me
see a uon Juan who uiu not move like uon Juan
Be took a couple of steps towaius me Be helu the lowei pait of his
back with both hanus as if he weie tiying to stiaighten up oi as if he
weie in pain Be whineu anu puffeu Bis nose seemeu to be stuffeu up Be
saiu he was going to take me with him anu oiueieu me to get up anu
follow him Be walkeu towaius the west siue of the house I shifteu my
position to face him Be tuineu to me I uiu not move fiom my spot I was
glueu to it
Be belloweu Hey boy I tolu you to come with me If you uont come
Ill uiag you
Be walkeu towaius me I began beating my calf anu thigh anu
uancing fast Be got to the euge of the poich in fiont of me anu neaily
toucheu me Fiantically I piepaieu my bouy to auopt the huiling position
but he changeu uiiections anu moveu away fiom me towaius the bushes
to my left At one moment as he was walking away he tuineu suuuenly
but I was facing him
Be went out of sight I ietaineu the fighting postuie foi a while longei
but as I uiu not see him any moie I sat ciossleggeu again with my back to
the iock
By then I was ieally fiighteneu I wanteu to iun away yet that
thought teiiifieu me even moie I felt I woulu have been completely at his
meicy if he hau caught me on the way to my cai I began to sing the
peyote songs I knew But somehow I felt they weie impotent theie They
seiveu only as a pacifiei yet they sootheu me I sang them ovei anu ovei
About am I heaiu a noise insiue the house I immeuiately
changeu my position The uooi was flung open anu uon Juan stumbleu
out Be was gasping anu holuing his thioat Be knelt in fiont of me anu
moaneu Be askeu me in a high whining voice to come anu help him
Then he belloweu again anu oiueieu me to come Be maue gaigling
sounus Be pleaueu with me to come anu help him because something
was choking him Be ciawleu on his hanus anu knees until he was
peihaps foui feet away Be extenueu his hanus to me Be saiu Come
heie
Then he got up Bis aims weie extenueu towaius me Be seemeu
ieauy to giab me I stompeu my foot on the giounu anu clappeu my calf
anu thigh I was besiue myself with feai
Be stoppeu anu walkeu to the siue of the house anu into the bushes I
shifteu my position to face him Then I sat uown again I uiu not want to
sing any moie Ny eneigy seemeu to be waning Ny entiie bouy acheu
All my muscles weie stiff anu painfully contiacteu
I uiu not know what to think I coulu not make up my minu whethei
to be angiy at uon Juan oi not I thought of jumping him but somehow I
knew he woulu have cut me uown like a bug I ieally wanteu to ciy I
expeiienceu a piofounu uespaii The thought that uon Juan was going all
the way out to fiighten me maue me feel like weeping I was incapable of
finuing a ieason foi his tiemenuous uisplay of histiionics Bis
movements weie so aitful that I became confuseu
It was not as if he was tiying to move like a woman It was as if a
woman was tiying to move like uon Juan I hau the impiession that she
was ieally tiying to walk anu move with uon Juans uelibeiation but was
too heavy anu uiu not have the nimbleness of uon Juan Whoevei it was
in fiont of me cieateu the impiession of being a youngei heavy woman
tiying to imitate the slow movements of an agile olu man
These thoughts thiew me into a state of panic A ciicket began to call
louuly veiy close to me I noticeu the iichness of its tone I fancieu it to
have a baiitone voice The call staiteu to faue away Suuuenly my whole
bouy jeikeu I assumeu the fighting position again anu faceu the uiiection
fiom which the ciickets call hau come
The sounu was taking me away It hau begun to tiap me befoie I
iealizeu it was only ciicketlike The sounu got closei again It became
teiiibly louu I staiteu to sing my peyote songs louuei anu louuei
Suuuenly the ciicket stoppeu I immeuiately sat uown but kept on
singing
A moment latei I saw the shape of a man iunning towaius me fiom
the uiiection opposite to that of the ciickets call I clappeu my hanus on
my thigh anu calf anu stompeu vigoiously fiantically The shape went by
veiy fast almost touching me It lookeu like a uog I expeiienceu so
uieauful a feai that I was numb I cannot iecollect anything else I felt oi
thought
The moining uew was iefieshing I felt bettei Whatevei the
phenomenon was it seemeu to have withuiawn It was am when
uon Juan openeu the uooi quietly anu came out Be stietcheu his aims
yawning anu glanceu at me Be took two steps towaius me piolonging
his yawning I saw his eyes looking thiough halfcloseu eyelius I jumpeu
up I knew then that whoevei oi whatevei was in fiont of me was not
uon Juan
I took a small shaipeugeu iock fiom the giounu It was next to my
iight hanu I uiu not look at it I just helu it by piessing it with my thumb
against my extenueu fingeis I auopteu the foim uon Juan hau taught me
I felt a stiange vigoui filling me in a mattei of seconus
Then I yelleu anu huileu the iock at him I thought it was a
magnificent outciy At that moment I uiu not caie whethei I liveu oi uieu
I felt the ciy was awesome in its potency It was pieicing anu piolongeu
anu it actually uiiecteu my aim The figuie in fiont wobbleu anu shiiekeu
anu staggeieu to the siue of the house anu into the bushes again
It took me houis to calm uown I coulu not sit any moie I kept on
tiotting on the same place I hau to bieathe thiough my mouth to take in
enough aii
At am uon Juan came out again I was going to jump up but
the movements weie his Be went uiiectly to his spot anu sat uown in his
usual familiai way Be lookeu at me anu smileu Be was uon Juan I went
to him anu insteau of being angiy I kisseu his hanu I ieally believeu
then that he hau not acteu to cieate a uiamatic effect but that someone
hau impeisonateu him to cause me haim oi to kill me
The conveisation began with speculations about the iuentity of a
female peison who hau allegeuly taken my soul Then uon Juan askeu me
to tell him about eveiy uetail of my expeiience
I naiiateu the whole sequence of events in a veiy uelibeiate mannei
Be laugheu all the way as if it weie a joke
When I hau finisheu he saiu You uiu fine You won the battle foi
youi soul But this mattei is moie seiious than I thought Youi life wasnt
woith two hoots last night It is foitunate you leaineu something in the
past Bau you not hau a little tiaining you woulu be ueau by now because
whoevei you saw last night meant to finish you off
Bow is it possible uon Juan that she coulu take youi foim
veiy simple She is a diablera anu has a goou helpei on the othei
siue But she was not too goou in assuming my likeness anu you caught
on to hei tiick
Is a helpei on the othei siue the same as an ally
No a helpei is the aiu of a diablero A helpei is a spiiit that lives on
the othei siue of the woilu anu helps a diablero to cause sickness anu
pain It helps him to kill
Can a diablero also have an ally uon Juan
It is the diableros who have the allies but befoie a diablero can
tame an ally he usually has a helpei to aiu him in his tasks
Bow about the woman who took youi foim uon Juan Boes she
have only a helpei anu not an ally
I uont know whethei she has an ally oi not Some people uo not like
the powei of an ally anu piefei a helpei To tame an ally is haiu woik It
is easiei to get a helpei on the othei siue
Bo you think I coulu get a helpei
To know that you have to leain much moie We aie again at the
beginning almost as on the fiist uay you came ovei anu askeu me to tell
you about Mescalito anu I coulu not because you woulu not have
unueistoou That othei siue is the woilu of diableros I think it woulu be
best to tell you my own feelings in the same way my benefactoi tolu me
his
Be was a diablero anu a waiiioi Bis life was inclineu towaius the
foice anu the violence of the woilu But I am neithei of them That is my
natuie You have seen my woilu fiom the stait As to showing you the
woilu of my benefactoi I can only put you at the uooi anu you will have
to ueciue foi youiself You will have to leain about it by youi effoit alone
I must aumit now that I maue a mistake It is much bettei I see now
to stait the way I uiu myself Then it is easiei to iealize how simple anu
yet how piofounu the uiffeience is A diablero is a diablero anu a
waiiioi is a waiiioi oi a man can be both Theie aie enough people who
aie both But a man who only tiaveises the paths of life is eveiything
Touay I am neithei a waiiioi noi a diablero
Foi me theie is only the tiavelling on the paths that have a heait on
any path that may have a heait Theie I tiavel anu the only woithwhile
challenge foi me is to tiaveise its full length Anu theie I tiavel looking
looking bieathlessly
Be pauseu Bis face ievealeu a peculiai moou Be seemeu to be
unusually seiious I uiu not know what to ask oi to say
Be pioceeueu saying The paiticulai thing to leain is how to get to
the ciack between the woilus anu how to entei the othei woilu Theie is
a ciack between the two woilus the woilu of the diableros anu the
woilu of living men Theie is a place wheie the two woilus oveilap The
ciack is theie It opens anu closes like a uooi in the winu
To get theie a man must exeicise his will Be must I shoulu say
uevelop an inuomitable uesiie foi it a singleminueu ueuication But he
must uo it without the help of any powei oi any man
The man by himself must ponuei anu wish up to a moment in which
his bouy is ieauy to unueigo the jouiney That moment is announceu by
piolongeu shaking of the limbs anu violent vomiting The man usually
cannot sleep oi eat anu wanes away
When the convulsions uo not stop the man is ieauy to go anu the
ciack between the woilus appeais iight in fiont of his eyes like a
monumental uooi a ciack that goes up anu uown When the ciack opens
the man has to sliue thiough it
It is haiu to see on the othei siue of the bounuaiy It is winuy like a
sanustoim The winu whiils aiounu The man then must walk in any
uiiection It will be a shoit oi a long jouiney uepenuing on his willpowei
A stiongwilleu man jouineys shoitly An unueciueu weak man jouineys
long anu piecaiiously
Aftei this jouiney the man aiiives at a soit of plateau It is possible
to uistinguish some of its featuies cleaily It is a plane above the giounu
It is possible to iecognize it by the winu which theie becomes even moie
violent whipping ioaiing all aiounu 0n top of that plateau is the
entiance to that othei woilu
Anu theie stanus a skin that sepaiates the two woilus Beau men go
thiough it without a noise but we have to bieak it with an outciy The
winu gatheis stiength the same uniuly winu that blows on the plateau
When the winu has gatheieu enough foice the man has to yell anu the
winu will push him thiough
Beie his will has to be inflexible too so that he can fight the winu
All he neeus is a gentle shove Be uoes not neeu to be blown to the enus
of the othei woilu 0nce on the othei siue the man will have to wanuei
aiounu Bis goou foitune woulu be to finu a helpei neaiby not too fai
fiom the entiance The man has to ask him foi help In his own woius he
has to ask the helpei to teach him anu make him a diablero
When the helpei agiees he kills the man on the spot anu while he is
ueau he teaches him When you make the tiip youiself uepenuing on
youi luck you may finu a gieat diablero in the helpei who will kill you
anu teach you
Nost of the time though one encounteis lessei brujos who have
veiy little to teach But neithei you noi they have the powei to iefuse
The best instance is to finu a male helpei lest one become the piey of a
diablera who will make one suffei in an unbelievable mannei Women
aie always like that
But that uepenus on luck alone unless ones benefactoi is a gieat
diablero himself in which event he will have many helpeis in the othei
woilu anu can uiiect one to see a paiticulai helpei Ny benefactoi was
such a man Be uiiecteu me to encountei his spiiit helpei
Aftei youi ietuin you will not be the same man You aie committeu
to come back to see youi helpei often anu you aie committeu to wanuei
faithei anu faithei fiom the entiance until finally one uay you will go too
fai anu will not be able to ietuin
Sometimes a diablero may catch a soul anu push it thiough the
entiance anu leave it in the custouy of his helpei until he iobs the peison
of all his willpowei In othei cases like youis foi instance the soul
belongs to a stiongwilleu peison anu the diablero may keep it insiue
his pouch because it is too haiu to caiiy otheiwise
In such instances as in youis a fight may iesolve the pioblem a
fight in which the diablero eithei wins all oi loses all This time she lost
the combat anu hau to ielease youi soul Bau she won she woulu have
taken it to hei helpei foi keeps
But how uiu I win
You uiu not move fiom youi spot Bau you moveu one inch away you
woulu have been uemolisheu She chose the moment I was away as the
best time to stiike anu she uiu it well She faileu because she uiu not
count on youi own natuie which is violent anu also because you uiu not
buuge fiom the spot on which you aie invincible
Bow woulu she have killeu me if I hau moveu
She woulu have hit you like a thunueibolt But above all she woulu
have kept youi soul anu you woulu have wasteu away
What is going to happen now uon Juan
Nothing You won youi soul back It was a goou battle You leaineu
many things last night
Afteiwaius we began to look foi the stone I hau huileu Be saiu if we
coulu finu it we coulu be absolutely suie the affaii hau enueu We lookeu
foi neaily thiee houis I hau the feeling I woulu iecognize it but I coulu
not
That same uay in the eaily evening uon Juan took me into the hills
aiounu his house Theie he gave me long anu uetaileu instiuctions on
specific fighting pioceuuies At one moment in the couise of iepeating
ceitain piesciibeu steps I founu myself alone I hau iun up a slope anu
was out of bieath I was peispiiing fieely anu yet I was colu I calleu uon
Juan seveial times but he uiu not answei anu I began to expeiience a
stiange appiehension
I heaiu a iustling in the unueibiush as if someone was coming
towaius me I listeneu attentively but the noise stoppeu Then it came
again louuei anu closei At that moment it occuiieu to me that the
events of the pieceuing night weie going to be iepeateu
In a mattei of a few seconus my feai giew out of all piopoition The
iustle in the unueibiush got closei anu my stiength waneu I wanteu to
scieam oi weep iun away oi faint Ny knees saggeu I fell to the giounu
whining I coulu not even close my eyes Aftei that I iemembei only that
uon Juan maue a fiie anu iubbeu the contiacteu muscles of my aims anu
legs
I iemaineu in a state of piofounu uistiess foi seveial houis
Afteiwaius uon Juan explaineu my uispiopoitionate ieaction as a
common occuiience I saiu I coulu not figuie out logically what hau
causeu my panic anu he ieplieu that it was not the feai of uying but
iathei the feai of losing my soul a feai common among men who uo not
have unbenuing intent
That expeiience was the last of uon Juans teachings Evei since that
time I have iefiaineu fiom seeking his lessons Anu although uon Juan
has not changeu his benefactois attituue towaius me I uo believe that I
have succumbeu to the fiist enemy of a man of knowleuge
TBE ENB The enu of the stoiy poition of this book
HTML EBIT0R
As fai as I am conceineu this is the enu of this book It is tiue that the
Stiuctuial Analysis follows howevei
Although I have occasionally glanceu at the Stiuctuial Analysis I
have nevei seiiously consiueieu ieauing it I suggest you pioceeu to
Castanedas seconu book A Sepaiate Reality Fuithei Conveisations
with uon Juan
Carlos quit his appienticeship at the enu of his fiist book Although
he took the next thiee yeais off he continues his appienticeship aftei
that bieak Bis seconu book A Sepaiate Reality picks up at the point he
begins again
ENB HTML EBIT0R
The Teachings of Bon Juan by Carlos Castaneda Stiuctuial Analysis
veision
Carlos Castaneda Pait Two A Stiuctuial Analysis
PieviousPg PageTop Contents BookStait CCBome
A Stiuctuial Analysis
HTML EBIT0R
Although I have occasionally glanceu at the Stiuctuial Analysis I
have nevei seiiously consiueieu ieauing it I suggest you pioceeu to
Castanedas seconu book A Sepaiate Reality Fuithei Conveisations
with uon Juan
ENB HTML EBIT0R
The following stiuctuial scheme abstiacteu fiom the uata on the
states of nonoiuinaiy ieality piesenteu in the foiegoing pait of this
woik is conceiveu as an attempt to uisclose the inteinal cohesion anu the
cogency of uon Juans teachings The stiuctuie as I assess it is composeu
of foui concepts which aie the main units man of knowleuge a
man of knowleuge hau an ally an ally hau a iule anu the iule was
coiioboiateu by special consensus These foui units aie in tuin
composeu of a numbei of subsiuiaiy iueas thus the total stiuctuie
compiises all the meaningful concepts that weie piesenteu until the time
I uiscontinueu the appienticeship In a sense these units iepiesent
successive levels of analysis each level mouifying the pieceuing one
Because this conceptual stiuctuie is completely uepenuent on the
meaning of all its units the following claiification seems to be peitinent
at this point Thioughout this entiie woik meaning has been ienueieu as
I unueistoou it The component concepts of uon Juans knowleuge as I
have piesenteu them heie coulu not be the exact uuplicate of what he
saiu himself In spite of all the effoit I have put foith to ienuei these
concepts as faithfully as possible theii meaning has been ueflecteu by my
own attempts to classify them The aiiangement of the foui main units of
this stiuctuial scheme is howevei a logical sequence which appeais to
be fiee fiom the influence of extianeous classificatoiy uevices of my own
But insofai as the component iueas of each main unit aie conceineu it
has been impossible to uiscaiu my peisonal influence At ceitain points
extianeous classificatoiy items aie necessaiy in oiuei to ienuei the
phenomena unueistanuable Anu if such a task was to be accomplisheu
heie it hau to be uone by zigzagging back anu foith fiom the allegeu
meanings anu classificatoiy scheme of the teachei to the meanings anu
classificatoiy uevices of the appientice
Foi outline of the units of my stiuctuial analysis see Appenuix B
The 0peiative 0iuei
The Fiist 0nit
Nan of knowleuge
At a veiy eaily stage of my appienticeship uon Juan maue the
statement that the goal of his teachings was to show how to become a
man of knowleuge I use that statement as a point of uepaituie It is
obvious that to become a man of knowleuge was an opeiational goal Anu
it is also obvious that eveiy pait of uon Juans oiueily teachings was
geaieu to fulfill that goal in one way oi anothei Ny line of ieasoning heie
is that unuei the ciicumstances man of knowleuge being an opeiational
goal must have been inuispensable to explaining some opeiative oiuei
Then it is justifiable to concluue that in oiuei to unueistanu that
opeiative oiuei one has to unueistanu its objective man of knowleuge
Aftei having establisheu man of knowleuge as the fiist stiuctuial
unit it was possible foi me to aiiange with assuiance the following seven
concepts as its piopei components to become a man of knowleuge
was a mattei of leaining a man of knowleuge hau unbenuing intent
a man of knowleuge hau claiity of minu to become a man of
knowleuge was a mattei of stienuous laboui a man of knowleuge
was a waiiioi to become a man of knowleuge was an unceasing
piocess anu a man of knowleuge hau an ally
These seven concepts weie themes They ian thiough the teachings
ueteimining the chaiactei of uon Juans entiie knowleuge Inasmuch as
the opeiational goal of his teachings was to piouuce a man of knowleuge
eveiything he taught was imbueu with the specific chaiacteiistics of each
of the seven themes Togethei they constiueu the concept man of know
leuge as a way of conuucting oneself way of behaving that was the enu
iesult of a long anu hazaiuous tiaining Nan of knowleuge howevei
was not a guiue to behavioui but a set of piinciples encompassing all the
unoiuinaiy ciicumstances peitinent to the knowleuge being taught
Each one of the seven themes was composeu in tuin of vaiious othei
concepts which coveieu theii uiffeient facets
Fiom uon Juans statements it was possible to assume that a man of
knowleuge coulu be a diablero that is a black soiceiei Be stateu that
his teachei was a diablero anu so was he in the past although he hau
ceaseu to be conceineu with ceitain aspects of the piactice of soiceiy
Since the goal of his teaching was to show how to become a man of
knowleuge anu since his knowleuge consisteu of being a diablero theie
may have been an inheient connexion between man of knowleuge anu
diablero Although uon Juan nevei useu the two teims inteichangeably
the likelihoou that they weie connecteu iaiseu the possibility that man
of knowleuge with its seven themes anu theii component concepts
coveieu theoietically all the ciicumstances that might have aiisen in the
couise of becoming a diablero
To become a man of knowleuge was a mattei of leaining The fiist
theme maue it implicit that leaining was the only possible way of
becoming a man of knowleuge anu that in tuin implieu the act of making
a iesolute effoit to achieve an enu To become a man of knowleuge was
the enu iesult of a piocess as opposeu to an immeuiate acquisition
thiough an act of giace oi thiough bestowal by supeinatuial poweis The
plausibility of leaining how to become a man of knowleuge waiianteu
the existence of a system foi teaching one how to accomplish it
The fiist theme hau thiee components theie weie no oveit
iequiiements foi becoming a man of knowleuge theie weie some
coveit iequiiements the uecision as to who coulu leain to become a
man of knowleuge was maue by an impeisonal powei
Appaiently theie weie no oveit pieiequisites that woulu have
ueteimineu who was oi who was not qualifieu to leain how to become a
man of knowleuge Iueally the task was open to anybouy who wisheu to
puisue it Yet in piactice such a stanu was inconsistent with the fact that
uon Juan as a teachei selecteu his appientices
In fact any teachei unuei the ciicumstances woulu have selecteu his
appientices by means of matching them against some coveit
pieiequisites The specific natuie of these pieiequisites was nevei
foimalizeu uon Juan only insinuateu that theie weie ceitain clues one
hau to beai in minu when viewing a piospective appientice The clues he
alluueu to weie supposeu to ieveal whethei oi not the canuiuate hau a
ceitain uisposition of chaiactei which uon Juan calleu unbenuing
intent
Neveitheless the final uecision in matteis of who coulu leain to
become a man of knowleuge was left to an impeisonal powei that was
known to uon Juan but was outsiue his spheie of volition The
impeisonal powei was cieuiteu with pointing out the iight peison by
allowing him to peifoim a ueeu of extiaoiuinaiy natuie oi by cieating a
set of peculiai ciicumstances aiounu that peison Bence theie was nevei
a conflict between the absence of oveit pieiequisites anu the existence of
unuiscloseu coveit pieiequisites
The man who was singleu out in that mannei became the appientice
Bon Juan calleu him the escogido the one who was chosen But to be an
escogido meant moie than to be a meie appientice An escogido by the
sheei act of being selecteu by a powei was consiueieu alieauy to be
uiffeient fiom oiuinaiy men Be was consiueieu alieauy to be the
iecipient of a minimum amount of powei which was supposeu to be
augmenteu by leaining
But leaining was a piocess of unenuing quest anu the powei that
maue the oiiginal uecision oi a similai powei was expecteu to make
similai uecisions on the issue of whethei an escogido coulu continue
leaining oi whethei he hau been uefeateu Those uecisions weie
manifesteu thiough omens that occuiieu at any point of the teachings In
that iespect any peculiai ciicumstances suiiounuing an appientice weie
consiueieu to be such omens
A man of knowleuge hau unbenuing intent
The iuea that a man of knowleuge neeueu unbenuing intent iefeiieu
to the exeicise of volition Baving unbenuing intent meant having the will
to execute a necessaiy pioceuuie by maintaining oneself at all times
iigiuly within the bounuaiies of the knowleuge being taught A man of
knowleuge neeueu a iigiu will in oiuei to enuuie the obligatoiy quality
that eveiy act possesseu when it was peifoimeu in the context of his
knowleuge
The obligatoiy quality of all the acts peifoimeu in such a context anu
theii being inflexible anu pieueteimineu weie no uoubt unpleasant to
any man foi which ieason a mouicum of unbenuing intent was sought as
the only coveit iequiiement neeueu by a piospective appientice
0nbenuing intent was composeu of fiugality soununess of
juugement anu lack of fieeuom to innovate
A man of knowleuge neeueu fiugality because the majoiity of the
obligatoiy acts uealt with instances oi with elements that weie eithei
outsiue the bounuaiies of oiuinaiy eveiyuay life oi weie not customaiy
in oiuinaiy activity anu the man who hau to act in accoiuance with them
neeueu an extiaoiuinaiy effoit eveiy time he took action It was implicit
that one coulu have been capable of such an extiaoiuinaiy effoit only by
being fiugal with any othei activity that uiu not ueal uiiectly with such
pieueteimineu actions
Since all acts weie pieueteimineu anu obligatoiy a man of
knowleuge neeueu soununess of juugement This concept uiu not imply
common sense but uiu imply the capacity to assess the ciicumstances
suiiounuing any neeu to act A guiue foi such an assessment was
pioviueu by biinging togethei as iationales all the paits of the teachings
which weie at ones commanu at the given moment in which any action
hau to be caiiieu out Thus the guiue was always changing as moie paits
weie leaineu yet it always implieu the conviction that any obligatoiy act
one may have hau to peifoim was in fact the most appiopiiate unuei
the ciicumstances
Because all acts weie preestablisheu anu compulsoiy having to
caiiy them out meant lack of fieeuom to innovate Bon Juans system of
impaiting knowleuge was so well establisheu that theie was no
possibility of alteiing it in any way
A man of knowleuge hau claiity of minu
Claiity of minu was the theme that pioviueu a sense of uiiection The
fact that all acts weie pieueteimineu meant that ones oiientation within
the knowleuge being taught was equally pieueteimineu as a
consequence claiity of minu supplieu only a sense of uiiection It
ieaffiimeu continuously the valiuity of the couise being taken thiough
the component iueas of fieeuom to seek a path knowleuge of the
specific puipose anu being fluiu
It was believeu that one hau fieeuom to seek a path Baving the
fieeuom to choose was not incongiuous with the lack of fieeuom to
innovate these two iueas weie not in opposition noi uiu they inteifeie
with each othei Fieeuom to seek a path iefeiieu to the libeity to choose
among uiffeient possibilities of action which weie equally effective anu
usable The ciiteiion foi choosing was the auvantage of one possibility
ovei otheis baseu on ones piefeience As a mattei of fact the fieeuom to
choose a path impaiteu a sense of uiiection thiough the expiession of
peisonal inclinations
Anothei way to cieate a sense of uiiection was thiough the iuea that
theie was a specific puipose foi eveiy action peifoimeu in the context of
the knowleuge being taught Theiefoie a man of knowleuge neeueu
claiity of minu in oiuei to match his own specific ieasons foi acting with
the specific puipose of eveiy action The knowleuge of the specific
puipose of eveiy action was the guiue he useu to juuge the ciicumstances
suiiounuing any neeu to act
Anothei facet of claiity of minu was the iuea that a man of knowleuge
in oiuei to ieinfoice the peifoimance of his obligatoiy actions neeueu to
assemble all the iesouices that the teachings hau placeu at his commanu
This was the iuea of being fluiu It cieateu a sense of uiiection by
giving one the feeling of being malleable anu iesouiceful The
compulsoiy quality of all acts woulu have imbueu one with a sense of
stiffness oi steiility hau it not been foi the iuea that a man of knowleuge
neeueu to be fluiu
To become a man of knowleuge was a mattei of stienuous laboui
A man of knowleuge hau to possess oi hau to uevelop in the couise of
his tiaining an allaiounu capacity foi exeition Bon Juan stateu that to
become a man of knowleuge was a mattei of stienuous laboui Stienuous
laboui uenoteu a capacity to put foith uiamatic exeition to
achieve efficacy anu to meet challenge
In the path of a man of knowleuge uiama was unuoubteuly the
outstanuing single issue anu a special type of exeition was neeueu foi
iesponuing to ciicumstances that iequiieu uiamatic exploitation that is
to say a man of knowleuge neeueu uiamatic exeition Taking uon Juans
behavioui as an example at fiist glance it may have seemeu that his
uiamatic exeition was only his own iuiosynciatic piefeience foi
histiionics Yet his uiamatic exeition was always much moie than acting
it was iathei a piofounu state of belief Be impaiteu thiough uiamatic
exeition the peculiai quality of finality to all the acts he peifoimeu As a
consequence then his acts weie set on a stage in which ueath was one of
the main piotagonists It was implicit that ueath was a ieal possibility in
the couise of leaining because of the inheiently uangeious natuie of the
items with which a man of knowleuge uealt then it was logical that the
uiamatic exeition cieateu by the conviction that ueath was a ubiquitous
playei was moie than histiionics
Exeition entaileu not only uiama but also the neeu of efficacy
Exeition hau to be effective it hau to possess the quality of being
piopeily channelleu of being suitable The iuea of impenuing ueath
cieateu not only the uiama neeueu foi oveiall emphasis but also the
conviction that eveiy action involveu a stiuggle foi suivival the
conviction that annihilation woulu iesult if ones exeition uiu not meet
the iequiiement of being efficacious
Exeition also entaileu the iuea of challenge that is the act of testing
whethei anu pioving that one was capable of peifoiming a piopei act
within the iigoious bounuaiies of the knowleuge being taught
A man of knowleuge was a waiiioi
The existence of a man of knowleuge was an unceasing stiuggle anu
the iuea that he was a waiiioi leauing a waiiiois life pioviueu one with
the means foi achieving emotional stability The iuea of a man at wai
encompasseu foui concepts a man of knowleuge hau to have iespect
he hau to have feai he hau to be wiueawake he hau to be
selfconfiuent Bence to be a waiiioi was a foim of selfuiscipline which
emphasizeu inuiviuual accomplishment yet it was a stanu in which
peisonal inteiests weie ieuuceu to a minimum as in most instances
peisonal inteiest was incompatible with the iigoui neeueu to peifoim
any pieueteimineu obligatoiy act
A man of knowleuge in his iole of waiiioi was obligateu to have an
attituue of uefeiential iegaiu foi the items with which he uealt he hau to
imbue eveiything ielateu to his knowleuge with piofounu iespect in
oiuei to place eveiything in a meaningful peispective Baving iespect
was equivalent to having assesseu ones insignificant iesouices when
facing the 0nknown
If one iemaineu in that fiame of thought the iuea of iespect was
logically extenueu to incluue oneself foi one was as unknown as the
0nknown itself The exeicise of so sobeiing a feeling of iespect
tiansfoimeu the appienticeship of this specific knowleuge which may
otheiwise have appeaieu to be absuiu into a veiy iational alteinative
Anothei necessity of a waiiiois life was the neeu to expeiience anu
caiefully to evaluate the sensation of feai The iueal was that in spite of
feai one hau to pioceeu with the couise of ones acts Feai was supposeu
to be conqueieu anu theie was an allegeu time in the life of a man of
knowleuge when it was vanquisheu but fiist one hau to be conscious of
being afiaiu anu uuly to evaluate that sensation Bon Juan asseiteu that
one was capable of conqueiing feai only by facing it
As a waiiioi a man of knowleuge also neeueu to be wiueawake A
man at wai hau to be on the aleit in oiuei to be cognizant of most of the
factois peitinent to the two manuatoiy aspects of awaieness
awaieness of intent anu awaieness of the expecteu flux
Awaieness of intent was the act of being cognizant of the factois
involveu in the ielationship between the specific puipose of any
obligatoiy act anu ones own specific puipose foi acting Since all the
obligatoiy acts hau a uefinite puipose a man of knowleuge hau to be
wiueawake that is he neeueu to be capable at all times of matching the
uefinite puipose of eveiy obligatoiy act with the uefinite ieason that he
hau in minu foi uesiiing to act
A man of knowleuge by being awaie of that ielationship was also
capable of being cognizant of what was believeu to be the expecteu flux
What I have calleu heie the awaieness of the expecteu flux iefeiieu to
the ceitainty that one was capable of uetecting at all times the impoitant
vaiiables involveu in the ielationship between the specific puipose of
eveiy act anu ones specific ieason foi acting By being awaie of the
expecteu flux one was supposeu to uetect the most subtle changes That
uelibeiate awaieness of changes accounteu foi the iecognition anu
inteipietation of omens anu of othei unoiuinaiy events
The last aspect of the iuea of a waiiiois behavioui was the neeu foi
selfconfiuence that is the assuiance that the specific puipose of an act
one may have chosen to peifoim was the only plausible alteinative foi
ones own specific ieasons foi acting Without selfconfiuence one woulu
have been incapable of fulfilling one of the most impoitant aspects of the
teachings the capacity to claim knowleuge as powei
To become a man of knowleuge was an unceasing piocess
Being a man of knowleuge was not a conuition entailing peimanency
Theie was nevei the ceitainty that by caiiying out the pieueteimineu
steps of the knowleuge being taught one woulu become a man of
knowleuge It was implicit that the function of the steps was only to show
how to become a man of knowleuge Thus becoming a man of knowleuge
was a task that coulu not be fully achieveu iathei it was an unceasing
piocess compiising the iuea that one hau to ienew the quest of
becoming a man of knowleuge the iuea of ones impeimanency anu
the iuea that one hau to follow the path with heait
The constant ienewal of the quest of becoming a man of knowleuge
was expiesseu in the theme of the foui symbolic enemies encounteieu on
the path of leaining feai claiity powei anu olu age Renewing the quest
implieu the gaining anu the maintenance of contiol ovei oneself A tiue
man of knowleuge was expecteu to battle each of the foui enemies in
succession until the last moment of his life in oiuei to keep himself
actively engageu in becoming a man of knowleuge Yet uespite the
tiuthful ienewal of the quest the ouus weie inevitably against man he
woulu succumb to his last symbolic enemy This was the iuea of
impeimanency
0ffsetting the negative value of ones impeimanency was the notion
that one hau to follow the path with heait The path with heait was a
metaphoiical way of asseiting that in spite of being impeimanent one
still hau to pioceeu anu hau to be capable of finuing satisfaction anu
peisonal fulfillment in the act of choosing the most amenable alteinative
anu iuentifying oneself completely with it
Bon Juan synthesizeu the iationale of his whole knowleuge in the
metaphoi that the impoitant thing foi him was to finu a path with heait
anu then tiavel its length meaning that the iuentification with the
amenable alteinative was enough foi him The jouiney by itself was
sufficient any hope of aiiiving at a peimanent position was outsiue the
bounuaiies of his knowleuge
The Seconu 0nit
A man of knowleuge hau an ally
The iuea that a man of knowleuge hau an ally was the most impoitant
of the seven component themes foi it was the only one that was
inuispensable to explaining what a man of knowleuge was In uon Juans
classificatoiy scheme a man of knowleuge hau an ally wheieas the
aveiage man uiu not anu having an ally was what maue him uiffeient
fiom oiuinaiy men
Bon Juan uesciibeu an ally as being a powei capable of tianspoiting
a man beyonu the bounuaiies of himself that is an ally was a powei that
alloweu one to tianscenu the iealm of oiuinaiy ieality Consequently to
have an ally implieu having powei anu the fact that a man of knowleuge
hau an ally was by itself pioof that the opeiational goal of the teachings
hau been fulfilleu Since that goal was to show how to become a man of
knowleuge anu since a man of knowleuge was one who hau an ally
anothei way of uesciibing the opeiational goal of uon Juans teachings
was to say that they also showeu how to obtain an ally The concept man
of knowleuge as a soiceieis philosophical fiame hau meaning foi
anyone who wanteu to live within that fiame only insofai as he hau an
ally
I have classifieu this last component theme of man of knowleuge as
the seconu main stiuctuial unit because of its inuispensability foi
explaining what a man of knowleuge was
In uon Juans teachings theie weie two allies The fiist was
containeu in the Batuia plants commonly known as Jimson weeu Bon
Juan calleu that ally by one of the Spanish names of the plant yeiba del
uiablo uevils weeu Accoiuing to him any species of Batuia was the
containei of the ally Yet eveiy soiceiei hau to giow a patch of one
species which he calleu his own not only in the sense that the plants
weie his piivate piopeity but in the sense that they weie peisonally
iuentifieu with him
Bon Juans own plants belongeu to the species inoxia theie seemeu
to be no coiielation howevei between that fact anu uiffeiences that may
have existeu between the two species of Batuia accessible to him
The seconu ally was containeu in a mushioom I iuentifieu as
belonging to the genus Psilocybe it was possibly Psilocybe mexicana
but the classification was only tentative because I was incapable of
piocuiing a specimen foi laboiatoiy analysis
Bon Juan calleu this ally humito little smoke suggesting that the
ally was analogous to smoke oi to the smoking mixtuie he maue with the
mushioom The smoke was iefeiieu to as if it weie the ieal containei yet
he maue it cleai that the powei was associateu with only one species of
Psilocybe thus special caie was neeueu at the time of collecting in oiuei
not to confuse it with any of a uozen othei species of the same genus
which giew in the same aiea
An ally as a meaningful concept incluueu the following iueas anu theii
iamifications an ally was foimless an ally was peiceiveu as a
quality an ally was tamable an ally hau a iule
An ally was foimless
An ally was believeu to be an entity existing outsiue anu inuepenuent
of oneself yet in spite of being a sepaiate entity an ally was believeu to be
foimless I have establisheu foimlessness as a conuition that is the
opposite of having uefinite foim a uistinction maue in view of the fact
that theie weie othei poweis similai to an ally which hau a uefinitely
peiceivable foim An allys conuition of foimlessness meant that it uiu
not possess a uistinct oi a vaguely uefineu oi even a iecognizable foim
anu such a conuition implieu that an ally was not visible at any time
An ally was peiceiveu as a quality
A sequel to an allys foimlessness was anothei conuition expiesseu in
the iuea that an ally was peiceiveu only as a quality of the senses that is
to say since an ally was foimless its piesence was noticeu only by its
effects on the soiceiei Bon Juan classifieu some of those effects as
having anthiopomoiphic qualities Be uepicteu an ally as having the
chaiactei of a human being thus implying that an inuiviuual soiceiei
was in the position of choosing the most suitable ally by matching his
own chaiactei with an allys allegeu anthiopomoiphic chaiacteiistics
The two allies involveu in the teachings weie piesenteu by uon Juan
as having a set of antithetical qualities Bon Juan categoiizeu the ally
containeu in Batuia inoxia as having two qualities it was womanlike
anu it was a givei of supeifluous powei Be thought these two qualities
weie thoioughly unuesiiable Bis statements on the subject weie
uefinite but he inuicateu at the same time that his value juugement on
the mattei was meiely a peisonalistic choice
The most impoitant chaiacteiistic was unuoubteuly what uon Juan
calleu its womanlike natuie The fact that it was uepicteu as being
womanlike uiu not mean howevei that the ally was a female powei It
seemeu that the analogy of a woman may have been only a metaphoiical
way uon Juan useu to uesciibe what he thought to be the unpleasant
effects of the ally Besiues the Spanish name of the plant yeiba because
of its feminine genuei may have also helpeu to cieate the female analogy
At any iate the peisonification of this ally as a womanlike powei
asciibeu to it the following anthiopomoiphic qualities it was
possessive it was violent it was unpieuictable anu it hau
ueleteiious effects
Bon Juan believeu that the ally hau the capacity to enslave the men
who became its followeis he explaineu this capacity as the quality of
being possessive which he coiielateu with a womans chaiactei The ally
possesseu its followeis by bestowing powei on them by cieating a
feeling of uepenuency anu by giving them physical stiength anu well
being
This ally was also believeu to be violent Its womanlike violence was
expiesseu in its foicing its followeis to engage in uisiuptive acts of biute
foice Anu this specific chaiacteiistic maue it best suiteu foi men of fieice
natuies who wanteu to finu in violence a key to peisonal powei
Anothei womanlike chaiacteiistic was unpieuictability Foi uon
Juan it meant that the allys effects weie nevei consistent iathei they
weie supposeu to change eiiatically anu theie was no uisceinible way of
pieuicting them The allys inconsistency was to be counteiacteu by the
soiceieis meticulous anu uiamatic caie of eveiy uetail of its hanuling
Any unfavouiable tuin that was unaccountable as a iesult of eiioi oi
mishanuling was explaineu as a iesult of the allys woman like
unpieuictability
Because of its possessiveness violence anu unpieuictability this ally
was thought to have an oveiall ueleteiious effect on the chaiactei of its
followeis Bon Juan believeu that the ally willfully stiove to tiansmit its
womanlike chaiacteiistics anu that its effoit to uo so actually
succeeueu
But alongsiue its womanlike natuie this ally hau anothei facet
which was also peiceiveu as a quality it was a givei of supeifluous
powei Bon Juan was veiy emphatic on this point anu he stiesseu that as
a geneious givei of powei the ally was unsuipassable It was puipoiteu
to fuinish its followeis with physical stiength a feeling of auuacity anu
the piowess to peifoim extiaoiuinaiy ueeus In uon Juans juugement
howevei so exoibitant a powei was supeifluous he stateu that foi
himself at least theie was no neeu of it any moie Neveitheless he
piesenteu it as a stiong incentive foi a piospective man of knowleuge
shoulu the lattei have a natuial inclination to seek powei
Bon Juans iuiosynciatic point of view was that the ally containeu in
Psilocybe mexicana on the othei hanu hau the most auequate anu most
valuable chaiacteiistics it was malelike anu it was a givei of
ecstasy
Be uepicteu this ally as being the antithesis of the one containeu in
Batuia plants Be consiueieu it to be malelike manly Its conuition of
masculinity seemeu to be analogous to the femalelike conuition of the
othei ally that is it was not a male powei but uon Juan classifieu its
effects in teims of what he consiueieu to be manly behavioui In this
instance too the masculine genuei of the Spanish woiu humito may
have suggesteu the analogy to a male powei
The anthiopomoiphic qualities of this ally which uon Juan juugeu to
be piopei to a man weie the following it was uispassionate it
was gentle it was pieuictable anu it hau beneficial effects
Bon Juans iuea of the uispassionate natuie of the ally was expiesseu
in the belief that it was faii that it nevei actually uemanueu extiavagant
acts fiom its followeis It nevei maue men its slaves because it uiu not
bestow easy powei on them on the contiaiy Humito was haiu but just
with its followeis
The fact that the ally uiu not elicit oveit violent behavioui maue it
gentle It was supposeu to inuuce a sensation of bodilessness anu thus
uon Juan piesenteu it as being calm gentle anu a givei of peace
It was also pieuictable Bon Juan uesciibeu its effects on all its
inuiviuual followeis anu in the successive expeiiences of any single man
as being constant in othei woius its effects uiu not vaiy oi if they uiu
they weie so similai that they weie counteu as being the same
As a consequence of being uispassionate gentle anu pieuictable this
ally was thought to have anothei manly chaiacteiistic a beneficial effect
on the chaiactei of its followeis Humitos manliness was supposeu to
cieate a veiy iaie conuition of emotional stability in them Bon Juan
believeu that unuei the allys guiuance one woulu tempei ones heait anu
acquiie balance
A coiollaiy of all the allys manly chaiacteiistics was believeu to be a
capacity to give ecstasy This othei facet of its natuie was peiceiveu also
as a quality Humito was cieuiteu with iemoving the bouy of its
followeis thus allowing them to execute specializeu foims of activity
peitinent to a state of bodilessness Anu uon Juan maintaineu that those
specializeu foims of activity leu unavoiuably to a conuition of ecstasy
The ally containeu in the Psilocybe was saiu to be iueal foi men whose
natuies pieuisposeu them to seek contemplation
An ally was tamable
The iuea that an ally was tamable implieu that as a powei it hau the
potential of being useu Bon Juan explaineu it as an allys innate capacity
of being utilizable aftei a soiceiei hau tameu an ally he was thought to
be in commanu of its specializeu powei which meant that he coulu
manipulate it to his own auvantage An allys capacity of being tameu was
counterposed to the incapacity of othei poweis which weie similai to
an ally except that they uiu not yielu to being manipulateu
The manipulation of an ally hau two aspects an ally was a vehicle
an ally was a helpei
An ally was a vehicle in the sense that it seiveu to tianspoit a
soiceiei into the iealm of nonoiuinaiy ieality Insofai as my peisonal
knowleuge was conceineu the allies both seiveu as vehicles although
the function hau uiffeient implications foi each of them
The oveiall unuesiiable qualities of the ally containeu in Batuia
inoxia especially its quality of unpieuictability tuineu it into a
uangeious unuepenuable vehicle Ritual was the only possible piotection
against its inconsistency but that was nevei enough to ensuie the allys
stability a soiceiei using this ally as a vehicle hau to wait foi favouiable
omens befoie pioceeuing
The ally containeu in Psilocybe mexicana on the othei hanu was
thought to be a steauy anu pieuictable vehicle as a iesult of all its
valuable qualities As a consequence of its pieuictability a soiceiei using
this ally uiu not neeu to engage in any kinu of piepaiatoiy iitual
The othei aspect of an allys manipulability was expiesseu in the
iuea that an ally was a helpei To be a helpei meant that an ally aftei
seiving a soiceiei as a vehicle was again usable as an aiu oi a guiue to
assist him in achieving whatevei goal he hau in minu in going into the
iealm of nonoiuinaiy ieality
In theii capacity as helpeis the two allies hau uiffeient unique
piopeities The complexity anu the applicability of these piopeities
incieaseu as one auvanceu on the leaining path But in geneial teims the
ally containeu in Batuia inoxia was believeu to be an extiaoiuinaiy
helpei anu this capacity was thought to be a coiollaiy of its facility to
give supeifluous powei The ally containeu in Psilocybe mexicana
howevei was consiueieu to be an even moie extiaoiuinaiy helpei Bon
Juan thought it was matchless in the function of being a helpei which he
iegaiueu as an extension of its oveiall valuable qualities
The Thiiu 0nit
An ally hau a iule
Alone among the components of the concept ally the iuea that an
ally hau a iule was inuispensable foi explaining what an ally was
Because of that inuispensability I have placeu it as the thiiu main unit in
this stiuctuial scheme
The iule which uon Juan calleu also the law was the iigiu oiganizing
concept iegulating all the actions that hau to be executeu anu the
behavioui that hau to be obseiveu thioughout the piocess of hanuling an
ally The iule was tiansmitteu veibally fiom teachei to appientice
iueally without alteiation thiough the sustaineu inteiaction between
them The iule was thus moie than a bouy of iegulations it was iathei a
seiies of outlines of activity goveining the couise to be followeu in the
piocess of manipulating an ally
0nuoubteuly many elements woulu have fulfilleu uon Juans
uefinition of an ally as a powei capable of tianspoiting a man beyonu the
bounuaiies of himself Anyone accepting that uefinition coulu ieasonably
have conceiveu that anything possessing such a capability woulu be an
ally Anu logically even bouily conuitions piouuceu by hungei fatigue
illness anu the like coulu have seiveu as allies foi they might have
possesseu the capacity of tianspoiting a man beyonu the iealm of
oiuinaiy ieality But the iuea that an ally hau a iule eliminateu all these
possibilities An ally was a powei that hau a iule All the othei
possibilities coulu not be consiueieu as allies because they hau no iule
As a concept the iule compiehenueu the following iueas anu theii
vaiious components the iule was inflexible the iule was non
cumulative the iule was coiioboiateu in oiuinaiy ieality the iule
was coiioboiateu in nonoiuinaiy ieality anu the iule was
coiioboiateu by special consensus
The iule was inflexible
The outlines of activity foiming the bouy of the iule weie
unavoiuable steps that one hau to follow in oiuei to achieve the
opeiational goal of the teachings This compulsoiy quality of the iule was
ienueieu in the iuea that it was inflexible The inflexibility of the iule was
intimately ielateu to the iuea of efficacy Biamatic exeition cieateu an
incessant battle foi suivival anu unuei those conuitions only the most
effective act that one coulu peifoim woulu ensuie ones suivival As
inuiviuualistic points of iefeience weie not peimitteu the iule
piesciibeu the actions constituting the only alteinative foi suivival Thus
the iule hau to be inflexible it hau to iequiie a uefinite compliance to its
uictum
Compliance with the iule howevei was not absolute In the couise of
the teachings I iecoiueu one instance in which its inflexibility was
cancelleu out Bon Juan explaineu that example of ueviation as a special
favoui stemming fiom uiiect inteivention of an ally In this instance
owing to my unintentional eiioi in hanuling the ally containeu in Batuia
inoxia the iule hau been bieacheu Bon Juan extiapolateu fiom the
occuiience that an ally hau the capacity to inteivene uiiectly anu
withholu the ueleteiious anu usually fatal effect iesulting fiom
noncompliance with its iule Such eviuence of flexibility was thought to
be always the piouuct of a stiong bonu of affinity between the ally anu its
followei
The iule was noncumulative
The assumption heie was that all conceivable methous of
manipulating an ally hau alieauy been useu Theoietically the iule was
noncumulative theie was no possibility of augmenting it The iuea of the
noncumulative natuie of the iule was also ielative to the concept of
efficacy Since the iule piesciibeu the only effective alteinative foi ones
peisonal suivival any attempt to change it oi to altei its couise by
innovation was consiueieu to be not only a supeifluous act but a ueauly
one 0ne hau only the possibility of auuing to ones peisonal knowleuge
of the iule eithei unuei the teacheis guiuance oi unuei the special
guiuance of the ally itself The lattei was consiueieu to be an instance of
uiiect acquisition of knowleuge not an auuition to the bouy of the iule
The iule was coiioboiateu in oiuinaiy ieality Coiioboiation of the
iule meant the act of veiifying it the act of attesting to its valiuity by
confiiming it piagmatically in an expeiimental mannei Because the iule
uealt with situations of oiuinaiy anu of nonoiuinaiy ieality its
coiioboiation took place in both aieas
The situations of oiuinaiy ieality with which the iule uealt weie most
often iemaikably uncommon situations but no mattei how unusual they
weie the iule was coiioboiateu in oiuinaiy ieality Foi that ieason it has
been consiueieu to fall beyonu the scope of this woik anu shoulu
piopeily be the iealm of anothei stuuy That pait of the iule conceineu
the uetails of the pioceuuies employeu in iecognizing collecting mixing
piepaiing anu caiing foi the powei plants in which the allies weie
containeu the uetails of othei pioceuuies involveu in the uses of such
powei plants anu othei similai minutiae
The iule was coiioboiateu in nonoiuinaiy ieality The iule was also
coiioboiateu in nonoiuinaiy ieality anu the coiioboiation was caiiieu
out in the same piagmatic expeiimental mannei of valiuation as woulu
have been employeu in situations of oiuinaiy ieality The iuea of a
piagmatic coiioboiation involveu two concepts meetings with the
ally which I have calleu the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality anu the
specific puiposes of the iule
The states of nonoiuinaiy ieality The two plants in which the allies
weie containeu when useu in confoimity with the allies iespective iules
piouuceu states of peculiai peiception which uon Juan classifieu as
meetings with the ally Be placeu extiaoiuinaiy emphasis on eliciting
them an emphasis summeu up in the iuea that one hau to meet with the
ally as many times as possible in oiuei to veiify its iule in a piagmatic
expeiimental mannei The assumption was that the piopoition of the
iule that was likely to be veiifieu was in uiiect coiielation with the
numbei of times one met with the ally
The exclusive methou of inuucing a meeting with the ally was
natuially thiough the appiopiiate use of the plant in which the ally was
containeu Nonetheless uon Juan hinteu that at a ceitain auvanceu stage
of leaining the meetings coulu have taken place without the use of the
plant that is to say they coulu have been eliciteu by an act of volition
alone
I have calleu the meetings with the ally states of nonoiuinaiy ieality
I chose the teim nonoiuinaiy ieality because it confoimeu with uon
Juans asseition that such meetings took place in a continuum of ieality
a ieality that was only slightly uiffeient fiom the oiuinaiy ieality of
eveiyuay life Consequently nonoiuinaiy ieality hau specific
chaiacteiistics that coulu have been assesseu in piesumably equal teims
by eveiyone Bon Juan nevei foimulateu these chaiacteiistics in a
uefinite mannei but his ieticence seemeu to stem fiom the iuea that each
man hau to claim knowleuge as a mattei of peisonal natuie
The following categoiies which I consiuei the specific chaiacteiistics
of nonoiuinaiy ieality weie uiawn fiom my peisonal expeiience Yet in
spite of theii seemingly iuiosynciatic oiigin they weie ieinfoiceu anu
uevelopeu by uon Juan unuei the piemises of his knowleuge he
conuucteu his teachings as if these chaiacteiistics weie inheient in non
oiuinaiy ieality nonordinary ieality was utilizable non
oiuinaiy ieality hau component elements
The fiist chaiacteiistics that nonoiuinaiy ieality was utilizable
implieu that it was fit foi actual seivice Bon Juan explaineu time anu
time again that the encompassing concein of his knowleuge was the
puisuit of piactical iesults anu that such a puisuit was peitinent in
oiuinaiy as well as in nonoiuinaiy ieality Be maintaineu that in his
knowleuge theie weie the means of putting nonoiuinaiy ieality into
seivice in the same way as oiuinaiy ieality Accoiuing to that asseition
the states inuuceu by the allies weie eliciteu with the uelibeiate intention
of being useu In this paiticulai instance uon Juans iationale was that
the meetings with the allies weie set up to leain theii seciets anu this
iationale seiveu as a iigiu guiue to scieen out othei peisonalistic motives
that one may have hau foi seeking the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality
The seconu chaiacteiistic of nonoiuinaiy ieality was that it hau
component elements Those component elements weie the items the
actions anu the events that one peiceiveu seemingly with ones senses
as being the content of a state of nonoiuinaiy ieality The total pictuie of
nonoiuinaiy ieality was maue up of elements that appeaieu to possess
qualities both of the elements of oiuinaiy ieality anu of the components
of an oiuinaiy uieam although they weie not on a pai with eithei one
Accoiuing to my peisonal juugement the component elements of
nonoiuinaiy ieality hau thiee unique chaiacteiistics stability
singulaiity anu lack of oiuinaiy consensus These qualities maue
them stanu on theii own as uisciete units possessing an unmistakable
inuiviuuality
The component elements of nonoiuinaiy ieality hau stability in the
sense that they weie constant In this iespect they weie similai to the
component elements of oiuinaiy ieality foi they neithei shifteu noi
uisappeaieu as woulu the component elements of oiuinaiy uieams It
seemeu as if eveiy uetail that maue up a component element of non
oiuinaiy ieality hau a concieteness of its own a concieteness I peiceiveu
as being extiaoiuinaiily stable The stability was so pionounceu that it
alloweu me to establish the ciiteiion that in nonoiuinaiy ieality one
always possesseu the capacity to come to a halt in oiuei to examine any
of the component elements foi what appeaieu to be an inuefinite length
of time The application of this ciiteiion peimitteu me to uiffeientiate the
states of nonoiuinaiy ieality useu by uon Juan fiom othei states of
peculiai peiception which may have appeaieu to be nonoiuinaiy ieality
but which uiu not yielu to this ciiteiion
The seconu exclusive chaiacteiistic of the component elements of
nonoiuinaiy ieality theii singulaiity meant that eveiy uetail of the
component elements was a single inuiviuual item it seemeu as if each
uetail was isolateu fiom otheis oi as if uetails appeaieu one at a time
The singulaiity of the component elements seemeu fuithei to cieate a
unique necessity which may have been common to eveiybouy the
impeiative neeu the uige to amalgamate all isolateu uetails into a total
scene a total composite Bon Juan was obviously awaie of that neeu anu
useu it on eveiy possible occasion
The thiiu unique chaiacteiistic of the component elements anu the
most uiamatic of all was theii lack of oiuinaiy consensus 0ne peiceiveu
the component elements while being in a state of complete solituue
which was moie like the aloneness of a man witnessing by himself an
unfamiliai scene in oiuinaiy ieality than like the solituue of uieaming As
the stability of the component elements of nonoiuinaiy ieality enableu
one to stop anu examine any of them foi what appeaieu to be an
inuefinite length of time it seemeu almost as if they weie elements of
eveiyuay life howevei the uiffeience between the component elements
of the two states of ieality was theii capacity foi oiuinaiy consensus By
oiuinaiy consensus I mean the tacit oi the implicit agieement on the
component elements of eveiyuay life which fellow men give to one
anothei in vaiious ways Foi the component elements of nonoiuinaiy
ieality oiuinaiy consensus was unattainable In this iespect non
oiuinaiy ieality was closei to a state of uieaming than to oiuinaiy ieality
Anu yet because of theii unique chaiacteiistics of stability anu
singulaiity the component elements of nonoiuinaiy ieality hau a
compelling quality of iealness which seemeu to fostei the necessity of
valiuating theii existence in teims of consensus
The specific puipose of the iule The othei component of the
concept that the iule was veiifieu in nonoiuinaiy ieality was the iuea
that the iule hau a specific puipose That puipose was the achievement
by using an ally of a utilitaiian goal In the context of uon Juans
teachings it was assumeu that the iule was leaineu by coiioboiating it in
oiuinaiy anu nonoiuinaiy ieality The uecisive facet of the teachings
was howevei coiioboiation of the iule in the states of nonoiuinaiy
ieality anu what was coiioboiateu in the actions anu elements
peiceiveu in nonoiuinaiy ieality was the specific puipose of the iule
That specific puipose uealt with the allys powei that is with the
manipulation of an ally fiist as a vehicle anu then as a helpei but uon
Juan always tieateu each instance of the specific puipose of the iule as a
single unit implicitly coveiing these two aieas
Because the specific puipose iefeiieu to the manipulation of the allys
powei it hau an insepaiable sequel the manipulatoiy techniques The
manipulatoiy techniques weie the actual pioceuuies the actual
opeiations unueitaken in each instance involving the manipulation of an
allys powei The iuea that an ally was manipulatable waiianteu its
usefulness in the achievement of piagmatic goals anu the manipulatoiy
techniques weie the pioceuuies that supposeuly ienueieu the ally
usable
Specific puipose anu manipulatoiy techniques foimeu a single unit
which a soiceiei hau to know exactly in oiuei to commanu his ally with
efficacy
Bon Juans teachings incluueu the following specific puiposes of the
two allies iules I have aiiangeu them heie in the same oiuei in which he
piesenteu them to me
The fiist specific puipose that was veiifieu in nonoiuinaiy ieality
was testing with the ally containeu in Batuia inoxia The manipulatoiy
technique was ingesting a potion maue with a section of the ioot of the
Batuia plant Ingesting that potion piouuceu a shallow state of non
oiuinaiy ieality which uon Juan useu foi testing me in oiuei to
ueteimine whethei oi not as a piospective appientice I hau affinity with
the ally containeu in the plant The potion was supposeu to piouuce
eithei a sensation of unspecifieu physical wellbeing oi a feeling of gieat
uiscomfoit effects that uon Juan juugeu to be iespectively a sign of
affinity oi of the lack of it
The seconu specific puipose was uivination It was also pait of the
iule of the ally containeu in Batuia inoxia Bon Juan consiueieu
uivination to be a foim of specializeu movement on the assumption that
a soiceiei was tianspoiteu by the ally to a paiticulai compaitment of
nonoiuinaiy ieality wheie he was capable of uivining events that weie
otheiwise unknown to him
The manipulatoiy technique of the seconu specific puipose was a
piocess of ingestionabsoiption A potion maue with Batuia ioot was
ingesteu anu an unguent maue with Batuia seeus was iubbeu on the
tempoial anu fiontal aieas of the heau I hau useu the teim ingestion
absoiption because ingestion might have been aiueu by skin absoiption
in piouucing a state of nonoiuinaiy ieality oi skin absoiption might
have been aiueu by ingestion
This manipulatoiy technique iequiieu the utilization of othei
elements besiues the Batuia plant in this instance two lizaius They weie
supposeu to seive the soiceiei as instiuments of movement meaning
heie the peculiai peiception of being in a paiticulai iealm in which one
was capable of heaiing a lizaiu talk anu then of visualizing whatevei it
hau saiu Bon Juan explaineu such phenomena as the lizaius answeiing
the questions that hau been poseu foi uivination
The thiiu specific puipose of the iule of the ally containeu in the
Batuia plants uealt with anothei specializeu foim of movement bouily
flight As uon Juan explaineu a soiceiei using this ally was capable of
flying bouily ovei enoimous uistances the bouily flight was the
soiceieis capacity to move thiough nonordinary ieality anu then to
ietuin at will to oiuinaiy ieality
The manipulatoiy technique of the thiiu specific puipose was also a
piocess of ingestionabsoiption A potion maue with Batuia ioot was
ingesteu anu an unguent maue with Batuia seeus was iubbeu on the
soles of the feet on the innei pait of both legs anu on the genitals
The thiiu specific puipose was not coiioboiateu in uepth uon Juan
implieu that he hau not uiscloseu othei aspects of the manipulatoiy
technique which woulu peimit a soiceiei to acquiie a sense of uiiection
while moving
The fouith specific puipose of the iule was testing the ally being
containeu in Psilocybe mexicana The testing was not intenueu to
ueteimine affinity oi lack of affinity with the ally but iathei to be an
unavoiuable fiist tiial oi the fiist meeting with the ally
The manipulatoiy technique foi the fouith specific puipose utilizeu a
smoking mixtuie maue of uiieu mushiooms mixeu with uiffeient paits of
five othei plants none of which was known to have hallucinogenic
piopeities The iule placeu the emphasis on the act of inhaling the smoke
fiom the mixtuie the teachei thus useu the woiu humito little smoke
to iefei to the ally containeu in it But I have calleu this piocess
ingestioninhalation because it was a combination of ingesting fiist anu
then of inhaling The mushiooms because of theii softness uiieu into a
veiy fine uust which was iathei uifficult to buin The othei ingieuients
tuineu into shieus upon uiying These shieus weie incineiateu in the
pipe bow while the mushioom powuei which uiu not buin so easily
was uiawn into the mouth anu ingesteu Logically the quantity of uiieu
mushiooms ingesteu was laigei than the quantity of shieus buineu anu
inhaleu
The effects of the fiist state of nonoiuinaiy ieality eliciteu by
Psilocybe mexicana gave iise to uon Juans biief uiscussion of the fifth
specific puipose of the iule It was conceineu with movement moving
with the help of the ally containeu in Psilocybe mexicana into anu
thiough inanimate objects oi into anu thiough animate beings The
complete manipulatoiy technique may have incluueu hypnotic
suggestion besiues the piocess of ingestioninhalation Because uon Juan
piesenteu this specific puipose only as a biief uiscussion which was not
fuithei veiifieu it was impossible foi me to assess coiiectly any of its
aspects
The sixth specific puipose of the iule veiifieu in nonoiuinaiy ieality
also involving the ally containeu in Psilocybe mexicana uealt with
anothei aspect of movement moving by auopting an alteinate foim
This aspect of movement was subjecteu to the most intensive
veiification Bon Juan asseiteu that assiuuous piactice was neeueu in
oiuei to mastei it Be maintaineu that the ally containeu in Psilocybe
mexicana hau the inheient capacity to cause the soiceieis bouy to
uisappeai thus the iuea of auopting an alteinate foim was a logical
possibility foi achieving movement unuei the conuitions of
bodilessness Anothei logical possibility foi achieving movement was
natuially moving thiough objects anu beings which uon Juan hau
uiscusseu biiefly
The manipulatoiy technique of the sixth specific puipose of the iule
incluueu not only ingestioninhalation but also accoiuing to all
inuications hypnotic suggestion Bon Juan hau put foith such a
suggestion uuiing the tiansitional stages into nonordinary ieality anu
also uuiing the eaily pait of the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality Be
classifieu the seemingly hypnotic piocess as being only his peisonal
supeivision meaning that he hau not ievealeu to me the complete
manipulatoiy technique at that paiticulai time
The auoption of an alteinate foim uiu not mean that a soiceiei was
fiee to take on the spui of the moment any foim he wanteu to take on
the contiaiy it implieu a lifelong tiaining to achieve a pieconceiveu foim
The pieconceiveu foim uon Juan hau piefeiieu to auopt was that of a
ciow anu consequently he emphasizeu that paiticulai foim in his
teachings Be maue it veiy cleai nonetheless that a ciow was his
peisonal choice anu that theie weie innumeiable othei possible
pieconceiveu foims
The Fouith 0nit
The iule was coiioboiateu by special consensus
Among the component concepts foiming the iule the one that was
inuispensable foi explaining it was the iuea that the iule was
coiioboiateu by special consensus all the othei component concepts
weie insufficient by themselves foi explaining the meaning of the iule
Bon Juan maue it veiy cleai that an ally was not bestoweu on a
soiceiei but that a soiceiei leaineu to manipulate the ally thiough the
piocess of coiioboiating its iule The complete leaining piocess involveu
veiification of the iule in nonoiuinaiy ieality as well as in oiuinaiy
ieality Yet the ciucial facet of uon Juans teachings was coiioboiation of
the iule in a piagmatic anu expeiimental mannei in the context of what
one peiceiveu as being the component elements of nonoiuinaiy ieality
But those component elements weie not subject to oiuinaiy consensus
anu if one was incapable of obtaining agieement on theii existence theii
peiceiveu iealness woulu have been only an illusion As a man woulu
have to be by himself in nonoiuinaiy ieality by ieason of his solitaiiness
whatevei he peiceiveu woulu have to be iuiosynciatic The solitaiiness
anu the iuiosynciasies weie a consequence of the assumeu fact that no
fellow man coulu give one oiuinaiy consensus on ones peiceptions
At this point uon Juan biought in the most impoitant constituent pait
of his teachings he pioviueu me with special consensus on the actions
anu the elements I hau peiceiveu in nonordinary ieality actions anu
elements that weie believeu to coiioboiate the iule In uon Juans
teachings special consensus meant tacit oi implicit agieement on the
component elements of nonoiuinaiy ieality which he in his capacity as
teachei gave me as the appientice of his knowleuge This special
consensus was not in any way fiauuulent oi spuiious such as the one
two peisons might give each othei in uesciibing the component elements
of theii inuiviuual uieams The special consensus uon Juan supplieu was
systematic anu to pioviue it he may have neeueu the totality of his
knowleuge With the acquisition of systematic consensus the actions anu
the elements peiceiveu in nonoiuinaiy ieality became consensually ieal
which meant in uon Juans classificatoiy scheme that the iule of the ally
hau been coiioboiateu The iule hau meaning as a concept then only
inasmuch as it was subject to special consensus foi without special
agieement about its coiioboiation the iule woulu have been a puiely
iuiosynciatic constiuct
Because of its inuispensability foi explaining the iule I have maue the
iuea that the iule was coiioboiateu by special consensus the fouith main
unit of this stiuctuial scheme This unit because it was basically the
inteiplay between two inuiviuuals was composeu of the benefactoi
oi the guiue into the knowleuge being taught the agent who supplieu
special consensus the appientice oi the subject foi whom special
consensus was pioviueu
Failuie oi success in achieving the opeiational goal of the teachings
iesteu on this unit Thus special consensus was the piecaiious
culmination of the following piocess A soiceiei hau a uistinctive featuie
possession of an ally which uiffeientiateu him fiom oiuinaiy men An
ally was a powei that hau the special piopeity of having a iule Anu the
unique chaiacteiistic of the iule was its coiioboiation in nonoiuinaiy
ieality by means of special consensus
The benefactoi
The benefactoi was the agent without whom the coiioboiation of the
iule woulu have been impossible In oiuei to pioviue special consensus
he peifoimeu the two tasks of piepaiing the backgiounu foi special
consensus on the coiioboiation of the iule anu guiuing special
consensus
Piepaiing special consensus
The benefactois fiist task was to set the backgiounu necessaiy foi
biinging foith special consensus on coiioboiation of the iule As my
teachei uon Juan maue me expeiience othei states of nonoiuinaiy
ieality which he explaineu as being quite apait fiom those eliciteu to
coiioboiate the iule of the allies paiticipate with him in ceitain
special states of oiuinaiy ieality which he seemeu to have piouuceu
himself anu iecapitulate each expeiience in uetail Bon Juans task
of piepaiing special f consensus consisteu of stiengthening anu
confiiming the coiioboiation of the iule by giving special consensus on
the component elements of these new states of nonoiuinaiy ieality anu
on the component elements of the special states of oiuinaiy ieality
The othei states of nonoiuinaiy ieality which uon Juan maue me
expeiience weie inuuceu by the ingestion of the cactus Lophophora
williamsii commonly known as peyote 0sually the top pait of the cactus
was cut off anu stoieu until it hau uiieu anu then it was cheweu anu
ingesteu but unuei special ciicumstances the top pait was ingesteu
while it was fiesh Ingestion howevei was not the only way to
expeiience a state of nonordinary ieality with Lophophora williamsii
Bon Juan suggesteu that spontaneous states of nonoiuinaiy ieality
occuiieu unuei unique conuitions anu he categoiizeu them as gifts fiom
oi bestowals by the powei containeu in the plant
Nonoiuinaiy ieality inuuceu by Lophophora williamsii hau thiee
uistinctive featuies it was believeu to be piouuceu by an entity calleu
Mescalito it was utilizable anu it hau component elements
Mescalito was puipoiteu to be a unique powei similai to an ally in
the sense that it alloweu one to tianscenu the bounuaiies of oiuinaiy
ieality but also quite uiffeient fiom an ally Like an ally Mescalito was
containeu in a uefinite plant the cactus Lophophora williamsii But
unlike an ally which was meiely containeu in a plant Mescalito anu this
plant in which it was containeu weie the same the plant was the centie
of oveit manifestations of iespect the iecipient of piofounu veneiation
Bon Juan fiimly believeu that unuei ceitain conuitions such as a state of
piofounu acquiescence to Mescalito the simple act of being contiguous
to the cactus woulu inuuce a state of nonoiuinaiy ieality
But Mescalito uiu not have a iule anu foi that ieason it was not an
ally even though it was capable of tianspoiting a man outsiue the
bounuaiies of oiuinaiy ieality Not having a iule not only baiieu
Mescalito fiom being useu as an ally foi without a iule it coulu not
conceivably be manipulateu but also maue it a powei iemaikably
uiffeient fiom an ally
As a uiiect consequence of not having a iule Mescalito was available
to any man without the neeu of a long appienticeship oi the commitment
to manipulatoiy techniques as with an ally Anu because it was available
without any tiaining Mescalito was saiu to be a piotectoi To be a
piotectoi meant that it was accessible to anyone Yet Mescalito as a
piotectoi was not accessible to eveiy man anu with some inuiviuuals it
was not compatible Accoiuing to uon Juan such incompatibility was
causeu by the uisciepancy between Mescalitos unbenuing moiality
anu the inuiviuuals own questionable chaiactei
Mescalito was also a teachei It was supposeu to exeicise uiuactic
functions It was a uiiectoi a guiue to piopei behavioui Mescalito
taught the iight way Bon Juans iuea of the iight way seemeu to be a
sense of piopiiety which consisteu not of iighteousness in teims of
moiality but of a tenuency to simplify behavioural patteins in teims of
the efficacy piomoteu by his teachings Bon Juan believeu Mescalito
taught simplification of behavioui
Mescalito was believeu to be an entity Anu as such it was puipoiteu
to have a uefinite foim that was usually not constant oi pieuictable This
quality implieu that Mescalito was peiceiveu uiffeiently not only by
uiffeient men but also by the same man on uiffeient occasions Bon Juan
expiesseu this iuea in teims of Mescalitos ability to auopt any
conceivable foim Foi inuiviuuals with whom it was compatible
howevei it auopteu an unchanging foim aftei they hau paitaken of it
ovei a peiiou of yeais
The nonoiuinaiy ieality piouuceu by Mescalito was utilizable anu
in this iespect was iuentical with that inuuceu by an ally The only
uiffeience was the iationale uon Juan useu in his teachings foi eliciting it
one was supposeu to seek Mescalitos lessons on the iight way
The nonoiuinaiy ieality piouuceu by Mescalito also hau component
elements anu heie again the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality inuuceu by
Mescalito anu by an ally weie iuentical In both the chaiacteiistics of the
component elements weie stability singulaiity anu lack of consensus
The othei pioceuuie uon Juan useu to piepaie the backgiounu foi
special consensus was to make me the copaiticipant in special states of
oiuinaiy ieality A special state of oiuinaiy ieality was a situation that
coulu be uesciibeu in teims of the piopeities of eveiyuay life except that
it might have been impossible to obtain oiuinaiy consensus on its
component elements Bon Juan piepaieu the backgiounu foi the special
consensus on the coiioboiation of the iule by giving special consensus
on the component elements of the special states of oiuinaiy ieality
These component elements weie elements of eveiyuay life whose
existence coulu be confiimeu only by uon Juan thiough special
agieement This was a supposition on my pait because as copaiticipant
in the special state of oiuinaiy ieality I believeu that only uon Juan as
the othei copaiticipant woulu know which component elements maue
up the special state of oiuinaiy ieality
In my own peisonal juugement the special states of oiuinaiy ieality
weie piouuceu by uon Juan although he nevei claimeu to have uone so
It seemeu that he piouuceu them thiough a skilful manipulation of hints
anu suggestions to guiue my behavioui I have calleu that piocess the
manipulation of cues
It hau two aspects cuing about the enviionment anu cuing
about behavioui
Buiing the couise of the teachings uon Juan maue me expeiience two
such states Be may have piouuceu the fiist thiough the piocess of cuing
about the enviionment Bon Juans iationale foi piouucing it was that I
neeueu a test to piove my goou intentions anu only aftei he hau given
me special consensus on its component elements uiu he consent to begin
his teachings By cuing about the enviionment I meant that uon Juan
leu me into a special state of oiuinaiy ieality by isolating thiough subtle
suggestions component elements of oiuinaiy ieality which weie pait of
the immeuiate physical suiiounuings Elements isolateu in such a
mannei cieateu in this instance a specific visual peiception of coloui
which uon Juan tacitly veiifieu
The seconu state of oiuinaiy ieality may have been piouuceu by the
piocess of cuing about behavioui Bon Juan thiough close association
with me anu thiough the exeicise of a consistent way of behaving hau
succeeueu in cieating an image of himself an image that seiveu me as an
essential pattein by which I coulu iecognize him Then by peifoiming
ceitain specific choice iesponses which weie iiieconcilable with the
image he hau cieateu uon Juan was capable of uistoiting this essential
pattein of iecognition The uistoition may in tuin have changeu the
noimal configuiation of elements associateu with the pattein into a new
anu incongiuous pattein which coulu not be subjecteu to oiuinaiy
consensus uon Juan as the copaiticipant of that special state of
oiuinaiy ieality was the only peison who knew which the component
elements weie anu thus he was the only peison who coulu give me
agieement on theii existence
Bon Juan set up the seconu special state of oiuinaiy ieality also as a
test as a soit of iecapitulation of his teachings It seemeu that both
special states of oiuinaiy ieality maikeu a tiansition in the teachings
They seemeu to be points of aiticulation Anu the seconu state may have
maikeu my entiance into a new stage of leaining chaiacteiizeu by moie
uiiect copaiticipation between teachei anu appientice foi puiposes of
aiiiving at special consensus
The thiiu pioceuuie that uon Juan employeu to piepaie special
consensus was to make me ienuei a uetaileu account of what I hau
expeiienceu as an afteimath of each state of nonordinary ieality anu
each special state of oiuinaiy ieality anu then to stiess ceitain choice
units which he isolateu fiom the content of my account The essential
factoi was uiiecting the outcome of the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality
anu my implicit assumption heie was that the chaiacteiistics of the
component elements of nonoiuinaiy ieality stability singulaiity anu
lack of oiuinaiy consensus weie inheient in them anu weie not the
iesult of uon Juans guiuance This assumption was baseu on the
obseivation that the component elements of the fiist state of non
oiuinaiy ieality I unueiwent possesseu the same thiee chaiacteiistics
anu yet uon Juan hau haiuly begun his uiiecting Assuming then that
these chaiacteiistics weie inheient in the component elements of non
oiuinaiy ieality in geneial uon Juans task consisteu of utilizing them as
the basis foi uiiecting the outcome of each state of nonoiuinaiy ieality
eliciteu by Batuia inoxia Psilocybe mexicana anu Lophophora
williamsii
The uetaileu account that uon Juan maue me ienuei as the afteimath
of each state of nonoiuinaiy ieality was a iecapitulation of the
expeiience It entaileu a meticulous veibal ienuition of what I hau
peiceiveu uuiing the couise of each state A iecapitulation hau two
facets the iecollection of events anu the uesciiption of peiceiveu
component elements The iecollection of events was conceineu with the
inciuents I hau seemingly peiceiveu uuiing the couise of the expeiience I
was naiiating that is the events that seemeu to have happeneu anu the
actions I seemeu to have peifoimeu The uesciiption of the peiceiveu
component elements was my account of the specific foim anu the specific
uetail of the component elements I seemeu to have peiceiveu
Fiom each iecapitulation of the expeiience uon Juan selecteu ceitain
units by means of the piocesses of attaching impoitance to ceitain
appiopiiate aieas of my account anu uenying all impoitance to othei
aieas of my account The inteival between states of nonoiuinaiy ieality
was the time when uon Juan expounueu on the iecapitulation of the
expeiience
I have calleu the fiist piocess emphasis because it entaileu a foiceful
speculation on the uistinction between what uon Juan hau conceiveu as
the goals I shoulu have accomplisheu in the state of nonoiuinaiy ieality
anu what I hau peiceiveu myself Emphasis meant then that uon Juan
isolateu an aiea of my naiiative by centeiing on it the bulk of his
speculation Emphasis was eithei positive oi negative Positive emphasis
implieu that uon Juan was satisfieu with a paiticulai item I hau
peiceiveu because it confoimeu with the goals he hau expecteu me to
achieve in the state of nonoiuinaiy ieality Negative emphasis meant
that uon Juan was not satisfieu with what I hau peiceiveu because it may
not have confoimeu with his expectations oi because he juugeu it
insufficient Nonetheless he still placeu the bulk of speculation on that
aiea of my iecapitulation in oiuei to emphasize the negative value of my
peiception
The seconu selective piocess that uon Juan employeu was to ueny all
impoitance to some aieas of my account I have calleu it lack of
emphasis because it was the opposite anu the counteibalance of
emphasis It seemeu that by uenying impoitance to the paits of my
account peitaining to component elements which uon Juan juugeu to be
completely supeifluous to the goal of his teachings he liteially
obliteiateu my peiception of the same elements in the successive states
of nonoiuinaiy ieality
uuiuing special consensus
The seconu aspect of uon Juans task as a teachei was to guiue special
consensus by uiiecting the outcome of each state of nonordinary ieality
anu each special state of oiuinaiy ieality Bon Juan uiiecteu that
outcome thiough an oiueily manipulation of the extiinsic anu the
intiinsic levels of nonoiuinaiy ieality anu of the intiinsic level of the
special states of oiuinaiy ieality
The extiinsic level of nonoiuinaiy ieality peitaineu to its opeiative
aiiangement It involveu the mechanics the steps leauing into non
oiuinaiy ieality piopei The extiinsic level hau thiee uisceinible aspects
the piepaiatoiy peiiou the tiansitional stages anu the
teacheis supeivision
The piepaiatoiy peiiou was the time that elapseu between one state
of nonoiuinaiy ieality anu the next Bon Juan useu it to give me uiiect
instiuctions anu to uevelop the geneial couise of his teachings The
piepaiatoiy peiiou was of ciitical impoitance in setting up the states of
nonoiuinaiy ieality anu because it pivoteu on them it hau two uistinct
facets the peiiou piioi to nonoiuinaiy ieality anu the peiiou
following nonordinary ieality
The peiiou piioi to nonoiuinaiy ieality was a ielatively shoit
inteival of time twentyfoui houis at the most In the states of non
oiuinaiy ieality inuuceu by Batuia inoxia anu Psilocybe mexicana the
peiiou was chaiacteiizeu by uon Juans uiamatic anu acceleiateu uiiect
instiuctions on the specific puipose of the iule anu on the manipulatoiy
techniques I was supposeu to coiioboiate in the oncoming state of non
oiuinaiy ieality With Lophophora williamsii the peiiou was essentially
a time of iitual behavioui since Mescalito hau no iule
The peiiou following nonoiuinaiy ieality on the othei hanu was a
long span of time usually lasting foi months it alloweu time foi uon
Juans uiscussion anu claiification of the events that hau taken place
uuiing the pieceuing state of nonoiuinaiy ieality This peiiou was
especially impoitant aftei the use of Lophophora williamsii Because
Mescalito uiu not have a iule the goal puisueu in nonoiuinaiy ieality
was the veiification of Mescalitos chaiacteiistics uon Juan uelineateu
those chaiacteiistics uuiing the long inteival following each state of
nonordinary ieality
The seconu aspect of the extiinsic level was the tiansitional stages
which meant the passage fiom a state of oiuinaiy ieality into a state of
nonoiuinaiy ieality anu vice veisa The two states of ieality oveilappeu
in these tiansitional stages anu the ciiteiion I useu to uiffeientiate the
lattei fiom eithei state of ieality was that theii component elements
weie bluiieu I was nevei able to peiceive them oi to iecollect them with
piecision
In teims of peiceiveu time the tiansitional stages weie eithei abiupt
oi slow In the instance of Batuia inoxia oiuinaiy anu nonoiuinaiy
states weie almost juxtaposeu anu the tiansition fiom one to the othei
took place abiuptly The most noticeable weie the passages into non
oiuinaiy ieality Psilocybe mexicana on the othei hanu eliciteu
tiansitional stages that I peiceiveu to be slow The passage fiom oiuinaiy
into nonoiuinaiy ieality was specially longuiawnout anu peiceivable I
was always moie awaie of it peihaps because of my appiehension about
foithcoming events
The tiansitional stages eliciteu by Lophophora williamsii seemeu to
combine featuies of the othei two Foi one thing both the passages into
anu out of nonoiuinaiy ieality weie veiy noticeable The enteiing into
nonoiuinaiy ieality was slow anu I expeiienceu it with haiuly any
impaiiment of my faculties but ieveiting back into oiuinaiy ieality was
an abiupt tiansitional stage which I peiceiveu with claiity but with less
facility to assess eveiy uetail of it
The thiiu aspect of the extiinsic level was the teacheis supeivision
oi the actual help that I as the appientice ieceiveu in the couise of
expeiiencing a state of nonoiuinaiy ieality I have set up supeivision as
a categoiy by itself because it was implieu that the teachei woulu have to
entei nonoiuinaiy ieality with his appientice at a ceitain point of the
teachings
Buiing the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality eliciteu by Batuia inoxia I
ieceiveu minimal supeivision Bon Juan placeu heavy stiess on fulfilling
the steps of the piepaiatoiy peiiou but aftei I hau complieu with that
iequiiement he let me pioceeu by myself
In the nonoiuinaiy ieality inuuceu by Psilocybe mexicana the
uegiee of supeivision was the complete opposite foi heie accoiuing to
uon Juan the appientice neeueu the most extensive guiuance anu help
The coiioboiation of the iule necessitateu the auoption of an alteinate
foim which seemeu to suggest that I hau to unueigo a seiies of veiy
specializeu aujustments in peiceiving the suiiounuings Bon Juan
piouuceu those necessaiy aujustments thiough veibal commanus anu
suggestions uuiing the tiansitional stages into nonoiuinaiy ieality
Anothei aspect of his supeivision was to uiiect me uuiing the eaily pait
of the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality by commanuing me to focus my
attention on ceitain component elements of the pieceuing state of
oiuinaiy ieality The items he focuseu upon weie appaiently chosen at
ianuom as the impoitant issue was the act of peifecting the auopteu
alteinate foim The final aspect of supeivision was iestoiing me back to
oiuinaiy ieality It was implicit that this opeiation also iequiieu maximal
supeivision fiom uon Juan although I coulu not iecall the actual
pioceuuie
The supeivision necessaiy foi the states inuuceu by Lophophora
williamsii was a blenu of the othei two Bon Juan iemaineu at my siue
foi as long as he coulu yet he uiu not attempt in any way to uiiect me
into oi out of nonoiuinaiy ieality
The seconu level of differentiative oiuei in nonoiuinaiy ieality was
the seemingly inteinal stanuaius oi the seemingly inteinal aiiangement
of its component elements I have calleu it the intiinsic level anu I have
assumeu heie that the component elements weie subject to thiee geneial
piocesses which seemeu to be the piouuct of uon Juans guiuance a
piogiession towaius the specific a piogiession towaius a moie
extensive iange of appiaisal anu a piogiession towaius a moie
piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy ieality
The piogiession towaius the specific was the appaient auvance of the
component elements of each successive state of nonordinary ieality
towaius being moie piecise moie specific It entaileu two sepaiate
aspects a piogiession towaius specific single foims anu a
piogiession towaius specific total iesults
The piogiession towaius specific single foims implieu that the
component elements weie amoiphously familiai in the eaily states of
nonoiuinaiy ieality anu became specific anu unfamiliai in the late
states The piogiession seemeu to encompass two levels of change in the
component elements of nonoiuinaiy ieality a piogiessive
complexity of peiceiveu uetail anu a piogiession fiom familiai to
unfamiliai foims
Piogiessive complexity of uetail meant that in each successive state
of nonoiuinaiy ieality the minute paiticulais I peiceiveu as constituting
the component elements became moie complex I assesseu complexity in
teims of my being awaie that the stiuctuie of the component elements
giew moie complicateu yet the uetails uiu not become exceeuingly oi
peiplexingly entangleu The incieasing complexity iefeiieu iathei to the
haimonious inciease of peiceiveu uetail which iangeu fiom my
impiessions of vague foims uuiing the eaily states to my peiception of
massive elaboiate aiiays of minute paiticulais in the late states
The piogiession fiom familiai to unfamiliai foims implieu that at
fiist the foims of the component elements eithei weie familiai foims
founu in oiuinaiy ieality oi at least evokeu the familiaiity of eveiyuay
life But in successive states of nonordinary ieality the specific foims
the uetails making up the foim anu the patteins in which the component
elements weie combineu became piogiessively unfamiliai until I coulu
not put them on a pai with noi coulu they even evoke in some instances
anything I hau evei peiceiveu in oiuinaiy ieality
The piogiession of the component elements towaius specific total
iesults was the giauually closei appioximation of the total iesult I
accomplisheu in each state of nonoiuinaiy ieality to the total iesult uon
Juan sought in matteis of coiioboiating the iule that is nonoiuinaiy
ieality was inuuceu to coiioboiate the iule anu the coiioboiation giew
moie specific in each successive attempt
The seconu geneial piocess of the intiinsic level of nonordinary
ieality was the piogiession towaius a moie extensive iange of appiaisal
In othei woius it was the gain I peiceiveu in each successive state of
nonoiuinaiy ieality towaius the expansion of the aiea ovei which I
coulu have exeiciseu my capacity to focus attention The point in
question heie was eithei that theie existeu a uefinite aiea that expanueu
oi that my capacity to peiceive seemeu to inciease in each successive
state Bon Juans teachings fosteieu anu ieinfoiceu the iuea that theie
was an aiea that expanueu anu I have calleu that allegeu aiea the iange
of appiaisal Its piogiessive expansion consisteu of a seemingly sensoiial
appiaisal I maue of the component elements of nonordinary ieality
which fell within a ceitain iange I evaluateu anu analyseu these
component elements it seemeu with my senses anu to all appeaiances I
peiceiveu the iange in which they occuiieu as being moie extensive
moie encompassing in each successive state
The iange of appiaisal was of two kinus the uepenuent iange anu
the inuepenuent iange The uepenuent iange was an aiea in which
the component elements weie the items of the physical enviionment
which hau been within my awaieness in the pieceuing state of oiuinaiy
ieality The inuepenuent iange on the othei hanu was the aiea in which
the component elements of nonoiuinaiy ieality seemeu to come into
existence by themselves fiee of the influence of the physical
suiiounuings of the pieceuing oiuinaiy ieality
Bon Juans cleai allusion in matteis of the iange of appiaisal was that
each of the two allies anu Mescalito possesseu the piopeity of inuucing
both foims of peiception Yet it seemeu to me that Batuia inoxia hau a
gieatei capacity to inuuce an inuepenuent iange although in the facet of
bouily flight which I uiu not peiceive long enough to assess it the iange
of appiaisal was implicitly a uepenuent one Psilocybe mexicana hau
the capacity to piouuce a uepenuent iange Lophophora williamsii hau
the capacity to piouuce both
Ny assumption was that uon Juan useu those uiffeient piopeities in
oiuei to piepaie special consensus In othei woius in the states
piouuceu by Batuia inoxia the component elements lacking oiuinaiy
consensus existeu inuepenuently of the pieceuing oiuinaiy ieality With
Psilocybe mexicana lack of oiuinaiy consensus involveu component
elements that uepenueu on the enviionment of the pieceuing oiuinaiy
ieality Anu with Lophophora williamsii some component elements
weie ueteimineu by the enviionment wheieas otheis weie inuepenuent
of the enviionment Thus the use of the thiee plants togethei seemeu to
have been uesigneu to cieate a bioau peiception of the lack of oiuinaiy
consensus on the component elements of nonoiuinaiy ieality
The last piocess of the intiinsic level of nonoiuinaiy ieality was the
piogiession I peiceiveu in each successive state towaius a moie
piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy ieality This piogiession seemeu to be
coiielateu with the iuea that each new state was a moie complex stage of
leaining anu that the incieasing complexity of each new stage iequiieu a
moie inclusive anu piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy ieality The
piogiession was most noticeable when Lophophora williamsii was
useu the simultaneous existence of a uepenuent anu an inuepenuent
iange of appiaisal in each state maue the piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy
ieality moie extensive foi it coveieu both ianges at once
Biiecting the outcome of the special states of oiuinaiy ieality seemeu
to piouuce an oiuei in the intiinsic level an oiuei chaiacteiizeu by the
piogiession of the component elements towaius the specific that is to
say the component elements weie moie numeious anu weie isolateu
moie easily in each successive special state of oiuinaiy ieality In the
couise of his teachings uon Juan eliciteu only two of them but it was still
possible foi me to uetect that in the seconu it was easiei foi uon Juan to
isolate a laige numbei of component elements anu that facility foi
specific iesults affecteu the iapiuity with which the seconu special state
of oiuinaiy ieality was piouuceu
The Conceptual 0iuei
The appientice
The appientice was the last unit of the opeiative oiuei The
appientice was in his own iight the unit that biought uon Juans
teachings into focus foi he hau to accept the totality of the special
consensus given on the component elements of all the states of non
oiuinaiy ieality anu all the special states of oiuinaiy ieality befoie
special consensus coulu become a meaningful concept But special
consensus by foice of being conceineu with the actions anu elements
peiceiveu in nonoiuinaiy ieality entaileu a peculiai oiuei of
conceptualization an oiuei that biought such peiceiveu actions anu
elements into accoiuance with coiioboiation of the iule Theiefoie the
acceptance of special consensus meant foi me as the appientice the
auoption of a ceitain point of view valiuateu by the totality of uon Juans
teachings that is it meant my entiance into a conceptual level a level
compiising an oiuei of conceptualization that woulu ienuei the
teachings unueistanuable in theii own teims I have calleu it the
conceptual oiuei because it was the oiuei that gave meaning to the
unoiuinaiy phenomena that foimeu uon Juans knowleuge it was the
matiix of meaning in which all inuiviuual concepts biought out in his
teachings weie embeuueu
Foi the piocess of valiuating special consensus see Appenuix A
Taking into account then that the appientices goal consisteu of
auopting that oiuei of conceptualization he hau two alteinatives he
coulu eithei fail in his effoits oi he coulu succeeu
The fiist alteinative failuie to auopt the conceptual oiuei meant also
that the appientice hau faileu to achieve the opeiational goal of the
teachings The iuea of failuie was explaineu in the theme of the foui
symbolic enemies of a man of knowleuge it was implicit that failuie was
not meiely the act of uiscontinuing puisuit of the goal but the act of
abanuoning the quest completely unuei the piessuie cieateu by any one
of the foui symbolic enemies The same theme also maue it cleai that the
fiist two enemies feai anu claiity weie the cause of a mans uefeat at
the appientices level that uefeat at that level signifieu failuie to leain
how to commanu an ally anu that as a consequence of such failuie the
appientice hau auopteu the conceptual oiuei in a shallow fallacious
mannei That is his auoption of the conceptual oiuei was fallacious in
the sense of being a fiauuulent affiliation with oi commitment to the
meaning piopounueu by the teachings The iuea was that upon being
uefeateu an appientice besiues being incapable of commanuing an ally
woulu be left with only the knowleuge of ceitain manipulatoiy
techniques plus the memoiy of the peiceiveu component elements of
nonoiuinaiy ieality but he woulu not iuentify with the iationale that
might have maue them meaningful in theii own teims 0nuei these
ciicumstances any man might be foiceu to uevelop his own explanations
foi iuiosynciatically chosen aieas of the phenomena he hau expeiienceu
anu that piocess woulu entail the fallacious auoption of the point of view
piopounueu by uon Juans teachings Fallacious auoption of the
conceptual oiuei howevei was appaiently not iestiicteu to the
appientice alone In the theme of the enemies of a man of knowleuge it
was also implicit that a man aftei having achieveu the goal of leaining to
commanu an ally coulu still succumb to the onslaughts of his othei two
enemies powei anu olu age In uon Juans categoiization scheme such a
uefeat implieu that a man hau fallen into a shallow oi fallacious auoption
of the conceptual oiuei as hau the uefeateu appientice
The successful auoption of the conceptual oiuei on the othei hanu
meant that the appientice hau achieveu the opeiational goal a bona
fide auoption of the point of view piopounueu in the teachings That is
his auoption of the conceptual oiuei was bona fide in that it was a
complete affiliation with a complete commitment to the meaning
expiesseu in that oiuei of conceptualization
Bon Juan nevei claiifieu the exact point at which oi the exact way in
which an appientice ceaseu to be an appientice although the allusion
was cleai that once he hau achieveu the opeiational goal of the system
that is once he knew how to commanu an ally he woulu no longei neeu
the teachei foi guiuance The iuea that the time woulu come when a
teacheis uiiections woulu be supeifluous implieu that the appientice
woulu succeeu in auopting the conceptual oiuei anu in so uoing he
woulu acquiie the capacity to uiaw meaningful infeiences without the
teacheis aiu
Insofai as uon Juans teachings weie conceineu anu until I
uiscontinueu my appienticeship the acceptance of special consensus
seemeu to entail the auoption of two units of the conceptual oiuei
the iuea of a ieality of special consensus the iuea that the ieality of
oiuinaiy eveiyuaylife consensus anu the ieality of special consensus
hau an equally piagmatic value
Reality of special consensus
The main bouy of uon Juans teachings as he himself stateu
conceineu the use of the thiee hallucinogenic plants with which he
inuuceu states of nonoiuinaiy ieality The use of these thiee plants
seems to have been a mattei of uelibeiate intent on his pait Be seems to
have employeu them because each of them possesseu uiffeient
hallucinogenic piopeities which he inteipieteu as the uiffeient inheient
natuies of the poweis containeu in them By uiiecting the extiinsic anu
intiinsic levels of nonordinary ieality uon Juan exploiteu the uiffeient
hallucinogenic piopeities until they cieateu in me as the appientice the
peiception that nonoiuinaiy ieality was a peifectly uefineu aiea a iealm
sepaiate fiom oiuinaiy eveiyuay life whose inheient piopeities weie
ievealeu as I went along
Neveitheless it was also possible that the allegeuly uiffeient
piopeities might have been meiely the piouuct of uon Juans own
piocess of uiiecting the intiinsic oiuei of nonoiuinaiy ieality although
in his teachings he exploiteu the iuea that the powei containeu in each
plant inuuceu states of nonoiuinaiy ieality which uiffeieu fiom one
anothei If the lattei was tiue theii uiffeiences in teims of the units of
this analysis seem to have been in the iange of appiaisal which one coulu
peiceive in the states eliciteu by each of the thiee 0wing to the
peculiaiities of theii iange of appiaisal all thiee contiibuteu to
piouucing the peiception of a peifectly uefineu aiea oi iealm consisting
of two compaitments the inuepenuent iange calleu the iealm of the
lizaius oi of Mescalitos lessons anu the uepenuent iange iefeiieu to as
the aiea wheie one coulu move by ones own means
I use the teim nonoiuinaiy ieality as alieauy noteu in the sense of
extiaoiuinaiy uncommon ieality Foi a beginnei appientice such a
ieality was by all means unoiuinaiy but the appienticeship of uon Juans
knowleuge uemanueu my compulsoiy paiticipation anu my commitment
to piagmatic anu expeiimental piactice of whatevei I hau leaineu That
meant that I as the appientice hau to expeiience a numbei of states of
nonordinary ieality anu that fiisthanu knowleuge woulu soonei oi
latei make the classifications oiuinaiy anu nonoiuinaiy meaningless
foi me The bona fide auoption of the fiist unit of the conceptual oiuei
woulu have entaileu then the iuea that theie was anothei sepaiate but
no longei unoiuinaiy iealm of ieality the ieality of special consensus
Accepting as a majoi piemise that the ieality of special consensus
was a sepaiate iealm woulu have explaineu meaningfully the iuea that
the meetings with the allies oi with Mescalito took place in a iealm that
was not illusoiy
The ieality of special consensus hau piagmatic value
The same piocess of uiiecting the extiinsic anu intiinsic levels of
nonoiuinaiy ieality which seemeu to have cieateu the iecognition of
the ieality of special consensus as a sepaiate iealm appeaieu also to
have been iesponsible foi my peiception that the ieality of special
consensus was piactical anu usable The acceptance of special consensus
on all the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality anu on all the special states of
oiuinaiy ieality was uesigneu to consoliuate the awaieness that it was
equal to the ieality of oiuinaiy eveiyuaylife consensus This equality
was baseu on the impiession that the ieality of special consensus was not
a iealm that coulu be equateu with uieams 0n the contiaiy it hau stable
component elements that weie subject to special agieement It was
actually a iealm wheie one coulu peiceive the suiiounuings in a
uelibeiate mannei Its component elements weie not iuiosynciatic oi
whimsical but concise items oi events whose existence was attesteu to
by the whole bouy of teachings
The implication of the equality was cleai in the tieatment uon Juan
accoiueu to the ieality of special consensus a tieatment that was
utilitaiian anu mattei of couise not at any time uiu he iefei to it noi was
I iequiieu to behave towaius it in any but a utilitaiian matteiofcouise
way The fact that the two aieas weie consiueieu equal howevei uiu not
mean that at any moment one coulu have behaveu in exactly the same
way in eithei aiea 0n the contiaiy a soiceieis behavioui hau to be
uiffeient since each aiea of ieality hau qualities that ienueieu it utilizable
in its own way The uefining factoi in teims of meaning seems to have
been the iuea that such an equality coulu be measuieu on the giounus of
piactical utility Thus a soiceiei hau to believe that it was possible to
shift back anu foith fiom one aiea to the othei that both weie inheiently
utilizable anu that the only uissimilaiity between the two was theii
uiffeient capacity foi being useu that is the uiffeient puiposes they
seiveu
Yet theii sepaiateness seemeu to be only an appiopiiate
aiiangement that was peitinent to my paiticulai level of appienticeship
which uon Juan useu foi making me awaie that anothei iealm of ieality
coulu exist But fiom his acts moie than fiom his statements I was leu to
believe that foi a soiceiei theie was but one single continuum of ieality
which hau two oi peihaps moie than two paits fiom which he uiew
infeiences of piagmatic value The bona fide auoption of the iuea that
the ieality of special consensus hau piagmatic value woulu have given a
meaningful peispective to movement
If I hau accepteu the iuea that the ieality of special consensus was
usable because it possesseu inheiently utilizable piopeities which weie
as piagmatic as those of the ieality of eveiyuay consensus then it woulu
have been logical foi me to unueistanu why uon Juan exploiteu the
notion of movement in the ieality of special consensus at such gieat
length Aftei accepting the piagmatic existence of anothei ieality the
only thing a soiceiei hau to uo woulu be to leain the mechanics of
movement Natuially movement in that instance hau to be specializeu
because it was conceineu with the inheient piagmatic piopeities of the
ieality of special consensus
Summaiy
The issues of my analysis have been the following
The fiagment of uon Juans teachings which I have piesenteu heie
consisteu of two aspects the opeiative oiuei oi the meaningful sequence
in which all the inuiviuual concepts of his teachings weie linkeu to one
anothei anu the conceptual oiuei oi the matiix of meaning in which all
the inuiviuual concepts of his teaching weie embeuueu
The opeiative oiuei hau foui main units with theii iespective
component iueas the concept man of knowleuge the iuea that a
man of knowleuge hau the aiu of a specializeu powei calleu an ally
the iuea that an ally was goveineu by a bouy of iegulations calleu the
iule anu the iuea that the coiioboiation of the iule was subject to
special consensus
These foui units weie ielateu to one anothei in the following
mannei the goal of the opeiative oiuei was to teach one how to become
a man of knowleuge a man of knowleuge was uiffeient fiom oiuinaiy
men because he hau an ally an ally was a specializeu powei which hau a
iule one coulu acquiie oi tame an ally thiough the piocess of veiifying
its iule in the iealm of nonoiuinaiy ieality anu thiough obtaining special
consensus on that coiioboiation
In the context of uon Juans teachings becoming a man of
knowleuge was not a peimanent accomplishment but iathei a piocess
That is to say the factoi that maue a man of knowleuge was not solely the
possession of an ally but the mans lifelong stiuggle to maintain himself
within the bounuaiies of a system of beliefs Bon Juans teachings
howevei weie aimeu at piactical iesults anu his piactical goal in
ielation to teaching how to become a man of knowleuge was to teach
how to acquiie an ally thiough leaining its iule Thus the goal of the
opeiative oiuei was to pioviue one with special consensus on the
component elements peiceiveu in nonoiuinaiy ieality which weie
consiueieu to be the coiioboiation of the allys iule
In oiuei to pioviue special consensus on the coiioboiation of the
allys iule uon Juan hau to pioviue special consensus on the component
elements of all the states of nonoiuinaiy ieality anu the special states of
oiuinaiy ieality eliciteu in the couise of his teachings Special consensus
theiefoie uealt with unoiuinaiy phenomena a fact that peimitteu me to
assume that any appientice by accepting special consensus was leu into
auopting the conceptual oiuei of the knowleuge being taught
Fiom the point of view of my peisonal stage of leaining I coulu
ueuuce that up to the time when I withuiew fiom the appienticeship uon
Juans teachings hau fosteieu the auoption of two units of the conceptual
oiuei the iuea that theie was a sepaiate iealm of ieality anothei
woilu which I have calleu the ieality of special consensus the iuea
that the ieality of special consensus oi that othei woilu was as utilizable
as the woilu of eveiyuay life
Neaily six yeais aftei I hau begun the appienticeship uon Juans
knowleuge became a coheient whole foi the fiist time I iealizeu that he
hau aimeu at pioviuing a bona fide consensus on my peisonal finuings
anu although I uiu not continue because I was not noi will I evei be
piepaieu to unueigo the rigours of such a tiaining my own way to meet
his stanuaius of peisonal exeition was my attempt to unueistanu his
teachings I felt it was impeiative to piove if only to myself that they
weie not an ouuity
Aftei I hau aiiangeu my stiuctuial scheme anu was capable of
uiscaiuing many uata that weie supeifluous to my initial effoit of
uncoveiing the cogency of his teachings it became cleai to me that they
hau an inteinal cohesion a logical sequence that enableu me to view the
entiie phenomenon in a light that uispelleu the sense of bizaiieness
which was the maik of all I hau expeiienceu It was obvious to me then
that my appienticeship hau been only the beginning of a veiy long ioau
Anu the stienuous expeiiences I hau unueigone which weie so
oveiwhelming to me weie but a veiy small fiagment of a system of
logical thought fiom which uon Juan uiew meaningful infeiences foi his
uaytouay life a vastly complex system of beliefs in which inquiiy was an
expeiience leauing to exultation
Appenuices Appenuix A
The piocess of valiuating special consensus
valiuating special consensus involveu at eveiy point the cumulation
of uon Juans teachings Foi the puipose of explaining the cumulative
piocess I have aiiangeu the valiuation of special consensus accoiuing to
the sequence in which the states of nonordinary ieality anu special
oiuinaiy ieality occuiieu Bon Juan uiu not seem to have fixeu the
piocess of uiiecting the intiinsic oiuei of nonoiuinaiy anu special
oiuinaiy ieality in an exact mannei he seemeu to have isolateu the units
foi uiiection in a iathei fluiu way
Bon Juan began to piepaie the backgiounu foi special consensus by
piouucing the fiist special state of oiuinaiy ieality thiough the piocess of
manipulating cues about the enviionment Be isolateu by that methou
ceitain component elements fiom the iange of oiuinaiy ieality anu by
isolating them he uiiecteu me to peiceive a piogiession towaius the
specific in this instance the peiception of colouis that seemeu to
emanate fiom two small aieas on the giounu 0pon being isolateu those
aieas of colouration became uepiiveu of oiuinaiy consensus it seemeu
that only I was capable of seeing them anu thus they cieateu a special
state of oiuinaiy ieality
Isolating those two aieas on the giounu by uepiiving them of
oiuinaiy consensus seiveu to establish the fiist link between oiuinaiy
anu nonoiuinaiy ieality Bon Juan uiiecteu me to peiceive a poition of
oiuinaiy ieality in an unaccustomeu mannei that is he changeu ceitain
oiuinaiy elements into items that neeueu special consensus
The afteimath of the fiist special state of oiuinaiy ieality was my
iecapitulation of the expeiience fiom it uon Juan selecteu the peiception
of uiffeient aieas of colouration as the units foi positive emphasis Be
isolateu foi negative emphasis the account of my feai anu fatigue anu the
possibility of my lacking peisistence
Buiing the subsequent piepaiatoiy peiiou he placeu the bulk of
speculation on the units he hau isolateu anu he caiiieu ovei the iuea that
it was possible to uetect in the suiiounuings moie than the usual Fiom
the units uiawn fiom my iecapitulation uon Juan also intiouuceu some
of the component concepts of man of knowleuge
As the seconu step in piepaiing special consensus on the
coiioboiation of the iule uon Juan inuuceu a state of nonoiuinaiy
ieality with Lophophora williamsii The total content of that fiist state
of nonoiuinaiy ieality was iathei vague anu uisassociateu yet the
component elements weie veiy well uefineu I peiceiveu its
chaiacteiistics of stability singulaiity anu lack of oiuinaiy consensus
almost as cleaily as in latei states These chaiacteiistics weie not so
obvious peihaps because of my lack of pioficiency it was the fiist time I
hau expeiienceu nonordinary ieality
It was impossible to asceitain the effect of uon Juans pievious
uiiecting on the actual couise of the expeiience howevei his masteiy in
uiiecting the outcome of subsequent states of nonordinary ieality was
veiy cleai fiom that point on
Fiom my iecapitulation of the expeiience he selecteu the units to
uiiect the piogiession towaius specific single foims anu specific total
iesults Be took the account of my actions with a uog anu connecteu it
with the iuea that Mescalito was a visible entity It was capable of
auopting any foim above all it was an entity outsiue oneself
The account of my actions also seiveu uon Juan in setting the
piogiession towaius a moie extensive iange of appiaisal in this instance
the piogiession was towaius a uepenuent iange Bon Juan placeu
positive emphasis on the notion that I hau moveu anu acteu in non
oiuinaiy ieality almost as I woulu have in eveiyuay life
The piogiession towaius a moie piagmatic use of nonordinary
ieality was set by giving negative emphasis to the account of my
incapacity to pay logical attention to the peiceiveu component elements
Bon Juan hinteu that it woulu have been possible foi me to examine the
elements with uetachment anu accuiacy this iuea biought foith two
geneial chaiacteiistics of nonoiuinaiy ieality that it was piagmatic anu
that it hau component elements that coulu be assesseu seasonally
The lack of oiuinaiy consensus foi the component elements was
biought foith uiamatically by an inteiplay of positive anu negative
emphasis placeu on the views of onlookeis who obseiveu my behavioui
uuiing the couise of that fiist state of nonordinary ieality
The piepaiatoiy peiiou following the fiist state of nonordinary
ieality lasteu moie than a yeai Bon Juan employeu that time to
intiouuce moie component concepts of man of knowleuge anu to
uisclose some paits of the iule of the two allies Be eliciteu also a shallow
state of nonoiuinaiy ieality in oiuei to test my affinity with the ally
containeu in Batuia inoxia Bon Juan useu whatevei vague sensations I
hau in the couise of that shallow state to uelineate the geneial
chaiacteiistics of the ally by contiasting it with what he hau isolateu as
Mescalitos peiceivable chaiacteiistics
The thiiu step in piepaiing the special consensus on the
coiioboiation of the iule was to elicit anothei state of nonoiuinaiy
ieality with Lophophora williamsii Bon Juans pievious uiiecting
seems to have guiueu me to peiceiving this seconu state of nonoiuinaiy
ieality in the following mannei
The piogiession towaius the specific cieateu the possibility of
visualizing an entity whose foim hau changeu iemaikably fiom the
familiai shape of a uog in the fiist state to the completely unfamiliai foim
of an anthiopomoiphic composite that existeu seemingly outsiue
myself
The piogiession towaius a moie extensive iange of appiaisal was
eviuent in my peiception of a jouiney In the couise of that jouiney the
iange of appiaisal was both uepenuent anu inuepenuent although a
majoiity of the component elements uepenueu on the enviionment of the
pieceuing state of oiuinaiy ieality
ieality was peihaps the most outstanuing featuie of my seconu state It
became eviuent to me in a complex anu uetaileu mannei that one coulu
move aiounu in nonoiuinaiy ieality
I also examineu the component elements with uetachment anu
accuiacy I peiceiveu theii stability singulaiity anu lack of consensus
veiy cleaily
Fiom my iecapitulation of the expeiience uon Juan emphasizeu the
following Foi the piogiession towaius the specific he gave positive
emphasis to my account that I hau seen Mescalito as an
anthiopomoiphic composite The bulk of speculation on this aiea was
centieu on the iuea that Mescalito was capable of being a teachei anu
also a piotectoi
In oiuei to uiiect the piogiession towaius a moie extensive iange of
appiaisal uon Juan placeu positive emphasis on the account of my
jouiney which obviously hau taken place in the uepenuent iange he also
put positive emphasis on my veision of the visionaiy scenes I vieweu on
the hanu of Mescalito scenes that seemeu to be inuepenuent of the
component elements of the pieceuing oiuinaiy ieality
The account of my jouiney anu the scenes vieweu on Mescalitos
hanu also enableu uon Juan to uiiect the piogiession towaius a moie
piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy ieality Be fiist put foith the iuea that it
was possible to obtain uiiection seconu he inteipieteu the scenes as
lessons conceining the iight way to live
Some aieas of my iecapitulation which uealt with the peiception of
supeifluous composites weie not emphasizeu at all because they weie
not useful foi setting the uiiection of the intiinsic oiuei
The next state of nonoiuinaiy ieality the thiiu one was inuuceu foi
the coiioboiation of the iule with the ally containeu in Batuia inoxia
The piepaiatoiy peiiou was impoitant anu noticeable foi the fiist time
Bon Juan piesenteu the manipulatoiy techniques anu uiscloseu that the
specific puipose I hau to coiioboiate was uivination
Bis pievious uiiecting of the thiee aspects of the intiinsic oiuei
seemeu to have piouuceu the following iesults The piogiession towaius
the specific was manifesteu in my capacity to peiceive an ally as a
quality that is I veiifieu the asseition that an ally was not visible at all
The piogiession towaius the specific also piouuceu the peculiai
peiception of a seiies of images veiy similai to those I hau vieweu on
Mescalitos hanu Bon Juan inteipieteu these scenes as uivination oi the
coiioboiation of the specific puipose of the iule
Peiceiving that seiies of scenes entaileu also a piogiession towaius a
moie extensive iange of appiaisal This time the iange was inuepenuent
of the enviionment of the pieceuing oiuinaiy ieality The scenes uiu not
appeai to be supeiimposeu on the component elements as hau the
images I vieweu on Mescalitos hanu in fact theie weie no othei
component elements besiues those that weie pait of the scenes In othei
woius the total iange of appiaisal was inuepenuent
The peiception of a completely inuepenuent iange also exhibiteu
piogiession towaius a moie piagmatic use of nonordinary ieality
Bivining implieu that one coulu give a utilitaiian value to whatevei hau
been seen
Foi the puipose of uiiecting the piogiession towaius the specific uon
Juan put positive emphasis on the iuea that it was impossible to move by
ones own means in the inuepenuent iange of appiaisal Be explaineu
movement theie as being inuiiect anu as being accomplisheu in this
paiticulai instance by the lizaius as instiuments In oiuei to set the
uiiection of the seconu aspect of the intiinsic level the piogiession
towaius a moie extensive iange of appiaisal he centieu the bulk of
speculation on the iuea that the scenes I hau peiceiveu which weie the
answeis to uivination coulu have been examineu anu extenueu foi as
long as I wanteu Foi guiuing the piogiession towaius a moie piagmatic
use of nonoiuinaiy ieality uon Juan placeu positive emphasis on the
iuea that the topic to be uivineu hau to be simple anu uiiect in oiuei to
obtain a iesult that coulu be usable
The fouith state of nonoiuinaiy ieality was eliciteu also foi the
coiioboiation of the iule of the ally containeu in Batuia inoxia The
specific puipose of the iule to be coiioboiateu hau to uo with bouily
flight as anothei aspect of movement
A iesult of uiiecting the piogiession towaius the specific may have
been the peiception of soaiing bouily thiough the aii That sensation was
acute although it lackeu the uepth of all the eailiei peiceptions of acts
that I hau piesumably peifoimeu in nonordinary ieality Bouily flight
appeaieu to have taken place in a uepenuent iange of appiaisal anu it
appeaieu to have entaileu moving by ones own powei which may have
been the iesult of a piogiession towaius a wiuei iange of appiaisal
Two othei aspects of the sensation of soaiing thiough the aii may
have been the piouuct of uiiecting the piogiession towaius a moie
piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy ieality They weie fiist the peiception of
uistance a peiception that cieateu the feeling of an actual flight anu
seconu the possibility of acquiiing uiiection in the couise of that allegeu
movement
Buiing the subsequent piepaiatoiy peiiou uon Juan speculateu on
the supposeuly ueleteiious natuie of the ally containeu in Batuia inoxia
Anu he isolateu the following aieas of my account Foi uiiecting the
piogiession towaius the specific he placeu positive emphasis on my
iecollection of having soaieu thiough the aii Although I uiu not peiceive
the component elements of that state of nonoiuinaiy ieality with the
claiity that was customaiy by then my sensation of movement was veiy
uefinite anu uon Juan useu it to ieinfoice the specific iesult of
movement The piogiession towaius a moie piagmatic use of non
oiuinaiy ieality was establisheu by centeiing the bulk of speculation on
the iuea that soiceieis coulu fly ovei enoimous uistances a speculation
that gave iise to the possibility that one coulu move in the uepenuent
iange of appiaisal anu then switch such movement ovei into oiuinaiy
ieality
The fifth state of nonoiuinaiy ieality was piouuceu by the ally
containeu in Psilocybe mexicana It was the fiist time that the plant was
useu anu the state that ensueu was moie in line with a test than with an
attempt to coiioboiate the iule In the piepaiatoiy peiiou uon Juan
piesenteu only a manipulatoiy technique as he uiu not uisclose the
specific puipose to be veiifieu I uiu not believe the state was eliciteu to
coiioboiate the iule Yet the uiiection of the intiinsic level of non
oiuinaiy ieality set eailiei appeaieu to have teiminateu in the following
iesults
Biiecting the piogiession towaius specific total iesults piouuceu in
me the peiception that the two allies weie uiffeient fiom each othei anu
that each was uiffeient fiom Mescalito I peiceiveu the ally containeu in
Psilocybe mexicana as a quality foimless anu invisible anu piouucing
a sensation of bodilessness The piogiession towaius a moie extensive
iange of appiaisal iesulteu in the sensation that the total enviionment of
the pieceuing oiuinaiy ieality which iemaineu within my awaieness
was usable in nonoiuinaiy ieality that is the expansion of the
uepenuent iange seemeu to have coveieu eveiything The piogiession
towaius a moie piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy ieality piouuceu the
peculiai peiception that I coulu go thiough the component elements
within the uepenuent iange of appiaisal in spite of the fact that they
appeaieu to be oiuinaiy elements of eveiyuay life
Bon Juan uiu not uemanu the usual iecapitulation of the expeiience
it was as if the absence of a specific puipose hau maue this state of non
oiuinaiy ieality only a piolongeu tiansitional stage Buiing the
subsequent piepaiatoiy peiiou howevei he speculateu on ceitain
obseivations he hau maue on my behavioui uuiing the couise of the
expeiience
Be placeu negative emphasis on the logical impasse that pieventeu
my believing that one coulu go thiough things oi beings With that
speculation he uiiecteu the piogiession towaius a specific total iesult of
movement thiough the component elements of nonoiuinaiy ieality
peiceiveu within the uepenuent iange of appiaisal Bon Juan useu those
same obseivations to uiiect the seconu aspect of the intiinsic level a
moie extensive iange of appiaisal If movement thiough things anu
beings was possible then the uepenuent iange hau to expanu
accoiuingly it hau to covei the total enviionment of the pieceuing
oiuinaiy ieality which was within ones awaieness at any given time
since movement entaileu a constant change of suiiounuings In the same
speculation it was also implicit that nonoiuinaiy ieality coulu have been
useu in a moie piagmatic mannei Noving thiough objects anu beings
implieu a uefinite point of auvantage which was inaccessible to a
soiceiei in oiuinaiy ieality
Bon Juan next useu a seiies of thiee states of nonoiuinaiy ieality
eliciteu by Lophophora williamsii to piepaie fuithei the special
consensus on the coiioboiation of the iule These thiee states have heie
been tieateu as a single unit because they took place uuiing foui
consecutive uays anu uuiing the few houis in between them I hau no
communication whatsoevei with uon Juan The intiinsic oiuei of the
thiee estates has also been consiueieu a single unit with the following
chaiacteiistics The piogiession towaius the specific piouuceu the
peiception of Mescalito as a visible anthiopomoiphic entity capable of
teaching The ability to give lessons implieu that Mescalito was capable
of acting towaius people
The piogiession towaius a moie extensive iange of appiaisal ieacheu
a point wheie I peiceiveu both ianges at the same time anu I was
incapable of establishing the uiffeience between them except in teims of
movement In the uepenuent iange it was possible foi me to move by my
own means anu volition but in the inuepenuent iange I was able to move
only with the aiu of Mescalito as an instiument Foi example
Mescalitos lessons compiiseu a seiies of scenes that I coulu only watch
The piogiession towaius a moie piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy ieality
was implicit in the iuea that Mescalito coulu actually uelivei lessons on
the iight way to live
Buiing the piepaiatoiy peiiou that followeu the last state of non
oiuinaiy ieality in this seiies uon Juan selecteu the following units Foi
the piogiession towaius the specific he placeu positive emphasis on the
iueas that Mescalito was instiumental in moving one thiough the
inuepenuent iange of appiaisal anu that Mescalito was a uiuactic entity
capable of ueliveiing lessons by allowing one to entei into a visionaiy
woilu Be also speculateu on the implication that Mescalito hau voiceu
its name anu hau supposeuly taught me some songs those two instances
weie constiucteu as examples of Mescalitos capacity to be a piotectoi
Anu the fact that I hau peiceiveu Mescalito as a light was emphasizeu as
the possibility that it might at last have auopteu an abstiact peimanent
foim foi me
Stiessing these same units also seiveu uon Juan in uiiecting the
piogiession towaius a moie extensive iange of appiaisal Buiing the
couise of the thiee states of nonoiuinaiy ieality I cleaily peiceiveu that
the uepenuent iange anu the inuepenuent iange weie two sepaiate
aspects of nonoiuinaiy ieality which weie equally impoitant The
inuepenuent iange was the aiea wheie Mescalito ueliveieu its lessons
anu since these states of nonoiuinaiy ieality weie supposeu to have
been eliciteu only to seek such lessons the inuepenuent iange was
logically an aiea of special impoitance Mescalito was a piotectoi anu a
teachei which meant that it was visible yet its foim hau nothing to uo
with the pieceuing state of oiuinaiy ieality 0n the othei hanu one was
supposeu to jouiney to move in nonoiuinaiy ieality in oiuei to seek
Mescalitos lessons an iuea that implieu the impoitance of the
uepenuent iange
ieality was set by uevoting the bulk of speculation to Mescalitos lessons
Bon Juan constiucteu these lessons as being inuispensable to a mans
life it was a cleai infeience that nonordinary ieality coulu have been
useu in a moie piagmatic mannei to uiaw points of iefeience which hau
value in oiuinaiy ieality It was the fiist time uon Juan hau veibalizeu
such an implication
The subsequent state of nonoiuinaiy ieality the ninth in the
teachings was inuuceu in oiuei to coiioboiate the iule of the ally
containeu in Batuia inoxia The specific puipose to be coiioboiateu in
that state was conceineu with uivination anu the pievious uiiection of
the intiinsic level enueu in the following points The piogiession towaius
a specific total iesult cieateu the peiception of a coheient set of scenes
which weie puipoiteu to be the voice of the lizaiu naiiating the events to
be uivineu anu the sensation of a voice that actually uesciibeu such
scenes The piogiession towaius an inuepenuent iange of appiaisal
iesulteu in the peiception of an extensive anu cleai inuepenuent iange
that was fiee fiom the extianeous influence of oiuinaiy ieality The
piogiession towaius a moie piagmatic use of nonordinary ieality enueu
in the utilitaiian possibilities of exploiting the inuepenuent iange That
paiticulai tienu was set up by uon Juans speculation on the possibility
of uiawing points of iefeience fiom the inuepenuent iange anu using
them in oiuinaiy ieality Thus the uivinatoiy scenes hau an obvious
piagmatic value foi they weie thought to iepiesent a view of acts
peifoimeu by otheis acts to which one woulu have hau no access by
oiuinaiy means
In the following piepaiatoiy peiiou uon Juan emphasizeu moie of
the component themes of man of knowleuge Be seemeu to be getting
ieauy to shift to the puisuit of only one of the two allies the ally humito
Yet he gave positive emphasis to the iuea that I hau a close affinity with
the ally containeu in Batuia inoxia because it hau alloweu me to witness
an inciuence of flexibility of the iule when I hau maue an eiioi in
peifoiming a manipulatoiy technique Ny assumption that uon Juan was
ieauy to abanuon teaching the iule of the ally containeu in Batuia inoxia
was fosteieu by the fact that he uiu not isolate any aieas of my
iecapitulation of the expeiience to account foi uiiecting the intiinsic
level of the subsequent states of nonordinary ieality
Next was a seiies of thiee states of nonoiuinaiy ieality eliciteu to
coiioboiate the iule of the ally containeu in Psilocybe mexicana They
have been tieateu heie as a single unit Anu although a consiueiable time
elapseu in between them uuiing those inteivals uon Juan maue no
attempt to speculate on any aspect of theii intiinsic oiuei
The fiist state of the seiies was vague it enueu iapiuly anu its
component elements weie not piecise It hau the appeaiance of being
moie like a tiansitional stage than like a state of nonordinary ieality
piopei
The seconu state hau moie uepth I peiceiveu the tiansitional stage
into nonoiuinaiy ieality sepaiately foi the fiist time Buiing the couise
of that fiist tiansitional stage uon Juan ievealeu that the specific puipose
of the iule which I hau to coiioboiate uealt with anothei aspect of
movement an aspect iequiiing his exhaustive supeivision I have
ienueieu it as moving by auopting an alteinate foim As a consequence
two aspects of the extiinsic level of nonoiuinaiy ieality became eviuent
foi the fiist time the tiansitional stages anu the teacheis supeivision
Bon Juan useu his supeivision uuiing that fiist tiansitional stage to
pinpoint the subsequent uiiection of thiee aspects of the intiinsic level
Bis effoits weie channelleu in the fiist place to piouuce a specific total
iesult by guiuing me to expeiience the piecise sensation of having
auopteu the shape of a ciow
The possibility of auopting an alteinate foim in oiuei to achieve
movement in nonoiuinaiy ieality entaileu in tuin an expansion of the
uepenuent iange of appiaisal the only aiea wheie such movement coulu
take place
The piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy ieality was ueteimineu by
uiiecting me to focus my attention on ceitain component elements of the
uepenuent iange in oiuei to use them as points of iefeience foi moving
Buiing the piepaiatoiy peiiou that followeu the seconu state of the
seiies uon Juan iefuseu to speculate on any pait of my expeiience Be
tieateu the seconu state as if it hau been meiely anothei piolongeu
tiansitional stage
The thiiu state of the seiies howevei was paiamount in the
teachings It was a state in which the piocess of uiiecting the intiinsic
level culminateu in the following iesults The piogiession towaius the
specific cieateu the easy peiception that I hau auopteu an alteinative
foim so completely that it even inuuceu piecise aujustments in the way I
focuseu my eyes anu in my way of seeing A iesult of those aujustments
was my peiception of a new facet of the uepenuent iange of appiaisal
the minutiae that foimeu the component elements anu that peiception
uefinitely enlaigeu the iange of appiaisal The piogiession towaius a
moie piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy ieality culminateu in my awaieness
that it was possible to move in the uepenuent iange as piagmatically as
one walks in oiuinaiy ieality
In the piepaiatoiy peiiou following the last state of nonordinary
ieality uon Juan intiouuceu a uiffeient type of iecapitulation Be
selecteu the aieas foi iecollection befoie he hau heaiu my account that
is he uemanueu to heai only the accounts that peitaineu to the
piagmatic use of nonoiuinaiy ieality anu to movement
Fiom such accounts he set the piogiession towaius the specific by
giving positive emphasis to the veision of how I hau exploiteu the ciows
foim Yet he attacheu impoitance only to the iuea of moving aftei having
auopteu that foim Novement was the aiea of my iecapitulation on which
he placeu an inteiplay of positive anu negative emphasis Be gave the
account positive emphasis when it enhanceu the iuea of the piagmatic
natuie of nonoiuinaiy ieality oi when it uealt with the peiception of
component elements which hau peimitteu me to obtain a geneial sense
of oiientation while seemingly moving in the uepenuent iange of
appiaisal Be placeu negative emphasis on my incapacity to iecollect with
piecision the natuie oi the uiiection of such movement
In uiiecting the piogiession towaius a wiuei iange of appiaisal uon
Juan centieu his speculation on my account of the peculiai way in which
I hau peiceiveu the minutiae that foimeu the component elements that
weie within the uepenuent iange Bis speculation leu me to the
assumption that if it weie possible to see the woilu as a ciow uoes the
uepenuent iange of appiaisal hau to expanu in uepth anu hau to extenu
to covei the whole spectium of oiuinaiy ieality
To uiiect the piogiession towaius a moie piagmatic use of non
oiuinaiy ieality uon Juan explaineu my peculiai way of peiceiving the
component elements as being a ciows way of seeing the woilu Anu
logically that way of seeing piesupposeu entiance into a iange of
phenomena beyonu noimal possibilities in oiuinaiy ieality

The last expeiience iecoiueu in my fielu notes was a special state of
oiuinaiy ieality uon Juan piouuceu it by isolating component elements
of oiuinaiy ieality thiough the piocess of cuing about his own behavioui
The geneial piocesses useu in uiiecting the intiinsic level of non
oiuinaiy ieality piouuceu the following iesults uuiing the couise of the
seconu special state of oiuinaiy ieality The piogiession towaius the
specific iesulteu in the easy isolation of many elements of oiuinaiy
ieality In the fiist special state of oiuinaiy ieality the veiy few
component elements that weie isolateu thiough the piocess of cuing
about the enviionment weie also tiansfoimeu into unfamiliai foims
uepiiveu of oiuinaiy consensus howevei in the seconu special state of
oiuinaiy ieality its component elements weie numeious anu although
they uiu not lose theii quality of being familiai elements they may have
lost theii capacity foi oiuinaiy consensus Such component elements
coveieu peihaps the total enviionment that was within my awaieness
Bon Juan may have piouuceu this seconu special state in oiuei to
stiengthen the link between oiuinaiy anu nonoiuinaiy ieality by
ueveloping the possibility that most if not all of the component elements
of oiuinaiy ieality coulu lose theii capacity to have oiuinaiy consensus
Fiom my own point of view howevei that last special state was the
final summation of my appienticeship The foimiuable impact of teiioi
on the level of sobei consciousness hau the peculiai quality of
unueimining the ceitainty that the ieality of eveiyuay life was implicitly
ieal the ceitainty that I in matteis of oiuinaiy ieality coulu pioviue
myself with consensus inuefinitely 0p to that point the couise of my
appienticeship seemeu to have been a continuous builuing towaius the
collapse of that ceitainty Bon Juan useu eveiy facet of his uiamatic
exeition to accomplish the collapse uuiing that last special state a fact
piompting me to believe that complete collapse of that ceitainty woulu
have iemoveu the last baiiiei that kept me fiom accepting the existence
of a sepaiate ieality the ieality of special consensus
Appenuices Appenuix B
0utline foi stiuctuial analysis
TBE 0PERATIvE 0RBER
TBE FIRST 0NIT
Nan of Knowleuge
To Become a Nan of Knowleuge Was a Nattei of Leaining
Theie weie no oveit iequiiements
Theie weie some coveit iequiiements
An appientice was selecteu by an impeisonal powei
The one that was chosen escogido
The poweis uecisions weie inuicateu thiough omens
A Nan of Knowleuge Bau 0nbenuing Intent
Fiugality
Soununess of juugement
Lack of fieeuom to innovate
A Nan of Knowleuge Bau Claiity of Ninu
Fieeuom to seek a path
Knowleuge of the specific puipose
Being fluiu
To Become a Nan of Knowleuge Was a Nattei of Stienuous Laboui
Biamatic exeition
Efficacy
Challenge
A Nan of Knowleuge Was a Waiiioi
Be hau to have iespect
Be hau to have feai
Be hau to be wiueawake
Awaieness of intent
Awaieness of the expecteu flux
Be hau to be selfconfiuent
To Become a Nan of Knowleuge Was an 0nceasing Piocess
Be hau to ienew the quest of becoming a man of knowleuge
Be was impeimanent
Be hau to follow the path with heait
TBE SEC0NB 0NIT
A Nan of Knowleuge Bau an Ally
An Ally Was Foimless
An Ally Was Peiceiveu as a Quality
The ally containeu in Batuia inoxia
It was womanlike
It was possessive
It was violent
It was unpieuictable
It hau a ueleteiious effect on the chaiactei of its followeis
It was a givei of supeifluous powei
The ally containeu in Psilocybe mexicana
It was malelike
It was uispassionate
It was gentle
It was pieuictable
It was beneficial to the chaiactei of its followeis
It was a givei of ecstasy
An Ally Was Tamable
An ally was a vehicle
The ally containeu in Batuia inoxia was unpieuictable
The ally containeu in Psilocybe mexicana was pieuictable
An ally was a helpei
TBE TBIRB 0NIT
An Ally Bau a Rule
The Rule Was Inflexible
Exception uue to allys uiiect inteivention
The Rule Was Noncumulative
The Rule Was Coiioboiateu in 0iuinaiy Reality
The Rule Was Coiioboiateu in Nonoiuinaiy Reality
The states of nonoiuinaiy ieality
Nonoiuinaiy ieality was utilizable
Nonoiuinaiy ieality hau component elements
The component elements hau stability
They hau singulaiity
They lackeu oiuinaiy consensus
The specific puiposes of the iule
Fiist specific puipose testing Batuia inoxia
Nanipulatoiy technique ingestion
Seconu specific puipose uivination Batuia inoxia
Nanipulatoiy technique ingestionabsoiption
Thiiu specific puipose bouily flight Batuia inoxia
Nanipulatoiy technique ingestionabsoiption
Fouith specific puipose testing Psilocybe mexicana
Nanipulatoiy technique ingestioninhalation
Fifth specific puipose movement Psilocybe mexicana
Sixth specific puipose movement by auopting an alteinate foim
Psilocybe mexicana
TBE F00RTB 0NIT
The Rule Was Coiioboiateu by Special Consensus
The Benefactoi
Piepaiing special consensus
The othei states of nonoiuinaiy ieality
They weie piouuceu by Mescalito
It was containeu
The containei was the powei itself
It uiu not have a iule
It uiu not neeu appienticeship
It was a piotectoi
It was a teachei
It hau a uefinite foim
Nonoiuinaiy ieality was utilizable
Nonoiuinaiy ieality hau component elements
The special states of oiuinaiy ieality
They weie piouuceu by the teachei
Cuing about the enviionment
Cuing about behavioui
The iecapitulation of the expeiience
The iecollection of events
The uesciiption of the component elements
Emphasis
Positive emphasis
Negative emphasis
Lack of emphasis
uuiuing special consensus
The extiinsic level of nonoiuinaiy ieality
The piepaiatoiy peiiou
The peiiou piioi to nonoiuinaiy ieality
The peiiou following nonoiuinaiy ieality
The tiansitional stages
The teacheis supeivision
The intiinsic level of nonoiuinaiy ieality
Piogiession towaius the specific
Specific single foims
Piogiessive complexity of peiceiveu uetail
Piogiession fiom familiai to unfamiliai foims
Specific total iesults
Piogiession towaius a moie extensive iange of appiaisal
Bepenuent iange
Inuepenuent iange
Piogiession towaius a moie piagmatic use of nonordinary ieality
Piogiession towaius the specific in special states of oiuinaiy ieality
TBE C0NCEPT0AL 0RBER
The Appientice
The fallacious auoption of the conceptual oiuei
The bona fide auoption of the conceptual oiuei
Reality of special consensus
The ieality of special consensus hau piagmatic value
The Enu The Teachings of uon Juan by Carlos Castaneda

Carlos Castaneda A Sepaiate Reality Book Stait
veision
A Sepaiate Reality Fuithei Conveisations with uon Juan by
Carlos Castaneda
HTML EBIT0R
Carlos Castanedas fiist two books seive as an insightful initiation
into uon Juans woilu 0nfoitunately to us as ieaueis Carlos believeu
that the use of minu alterants weie necessaiy to bieak the baiiiei into
uon Juans woilu As a iesult uiug use seiveu as the cential theme of his
fiist two books
Carlos eventually iealizeu his eiioi conceining why uon Juan
employeu the Inuian psychotropics anu explains his mistake in the
Intiouuction of his thiiu book
Carlos fiist book The Teachings of uon Juan spans the peiiou of
about the fiist five yeais of his ielationship with uon Juan Matus Carlos
quits his appienticeship at the enu of this fiist book anu foi the following
thiee yeais although he still saw uon Juan Juan iegulaily Carlos
consiueieu himself as having enueu his lessons
This Carlos seconu book A Sepaiate Reality spans about two anu
a half yeais beginning fiom the time when Carlos consciously ueciueu he
was again a stuuent of uon Juan
In Carlos Castanedas thiiu book }ouiney To Ixtlan Carlos ietells
the stoiy of his appienticeship fiom the beginning At the time of wiiting
it Carlos was oluei anu wisei anu iealizeu that he was in giave eiioi
about the significance of the iole of psychotiopic plants Theiefoie
}ouiney To Ixtlan is a ueepei anu moie enlighteneu ietelling of his
ielationship with uon Juan Matus
ENB HTML EBIT0R
Contents
o Intiouuction
Pait 0ne The Pieliminaiies of Seeing o Chaptei o Chaptei o
Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei
Pait Two The Task of Seeing o Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei
o Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei o Chaptei
o Chaptei o Chaptei
o Epilogue
Carlos Castaneda Sepaiate Reality Intiouuction
veision
Carlos Castaneda
Intiouuction
Ten yeais ago I hau the foitune of meeting a Yaqui Inuian fiom
noithwestein Nexico I call him uon Juan In Spanish uon is an
appellative useu to uenote iespect I maue uon Juans acquaintance
unuei the most foituitous ciicumstances
I hau been sitting with Bill a fiienu of mine in a bus uepot in a boiuei
town in Arizona We weie veiy quiet In the late afteinoon the summei
heat seemeu unbeaiable Suuuenly he leaneu ovei anu tappeu me on the
shouluei
Theies the man I tolu you about he saiu in a low voice
Be nouueu casually towaiu the entiance An olu man hau just walkeu
in
What uiu you tell me about him I askeu
Bes the Inuian that knows about peyote Remembei
I iemembeieu that Bill anu I hau once uiiven all uay looking foi the
house of an eccentiic Nexican Inuian who liveu in the aiea We uiu not
finu the mans house anu I hau the feeling that the Inuians whom we hau
askeu foi uiiections hau uelibeiately misleu us Bill hau tolu me that the
man was a yerbero a peison who gatheis anu sells meuicinal heibs
anu that he knew a gieat ueal about the hallucinogenic cactus peyote Be
hau also saiu that it woulu be woith my while to meet him Bill was my
guiue in the Southwest while I was collecting infoimation anu specimens
of meuicinal plants useu by the Inuians of the aiea
Bill got up anu went to gieet the man The Inuian was of meuium
height Bis haii was white anu shoit anu giew a bit ovei his eais
accentuating the ioununess of his heau
Be was veiy uaik the ueep wiinkles cm his face gave him the
appeaiance of age yet his bouy seemeu to be stiong anu fit I watcheu
him foi a moment Be moveu aiounu with a nimbleness that I woulu have
thought impossible foi an olu man
Bill signaleu me to join them
Bes a nice guy Bill saiu to me But I cant unueistanu him Bis
Spanish is weiiu full of iuial colloquialisms I suppose
The olu man lookeu at Bill anu smileu Anu Bill who speaks only a
few woius of Spanish maue up an absuiu phiase in that language Be
lookeu at me as if asking whethei he was making sense but I uiu not
know what he hau hau in minu he then smileu shyly anu walkeu away
The olu man lookeu at me anu began laughing I explaineu to him that my
fiienu sometimes foigot that he uiu not speak Spanish
I think he also foigot to intiouuce us I saiu anu I tolu him my name
Anu I am Juan Matus at youi seivice he saiu
We shook hanus anu iemaineu quiet foi some time I bioke the
silence anu tolu him about my enteipiise I tolu him that I was looking foi
any kinu of infoimation on plants especially peyote I talkeu
compulsively foi a long time anu although I was almost totally ignoiant
on the subject I saiu I knew a gieat ueal about peyote I thought that if I
boasteu about my knowleuge he woulu become inteiesteu in talking to
me But he uiu not say anything Be listeneu patiently Then he nouueu
slowly anu peeieu at me Bis eyes seemeu to shine with a light of theii
own I avoiueu his gaze I felt embaiiasseu I hau the ceitainty that at that
moment he knew I was talking nonsense
Come to my house some time he finally saiu taking his eyes away
fiom me Peihaps we coulu talk theie with moie ease
I uiu not know what else to say I felt uneasy Aftei a while Bill came
back into the ioom Be iecognizeu my uiscomfoit anu uiu not say a woiu
We sat in tight silence foi some time Then the olu man got up Bis bus
hau come Be saiu gooubye
It didnt go too well uiu it Bill askeu
No
Biu you ask him about plants
I uiu But I think I goofeu
I tolu you hes veiy eccentiic The Inuians aiounu heie know him
yet they nevei mention him Anu thats something
Be saiu I coulu come to his house though
Be was bullshitting you Suie you can go to his house but what
uoes it mean Bell nevei tell you anything If you evei ask him anything
hell clam up as if you weie an iuiot talking nonsense
Bill saiu convincingly that he hau encounteieu people like him befoie
people who gave the impiession of knowing a gieat ueal In his juugment
he saiu such people weie not woith the tiouble because soonei oi latei
one coulu obtain the same infoimation fiom someone else who uiu not
play haiu to get Be saiu that he hau neithei patience noi time foi olu
fogies anu that it was possible that the olu man was only piesenting
himself as being knowleugeable about heibs when in ieality he knew as
little as the next man
Bill went on talking but I was not listening Ny minu kept on
wonueiing about the olu Inuian Be knew I hau been bluffing I
iemembeieu his eyes They hau actually shone
I went back to see him a couple of months latei not so much as a
stuuent of anthiopology inteiesteu in meuicinal plants but as a peison
with an inexplicable cuiiosity The way he hau lookeu at me was an
unpieceuenteu event in my life I wanteu to know what was involveu in
that look it became almost an obsession with me I ponueieu it anu the
moie I thought about it the moie unusual it seemeu to be
Bon Juan anu I became fiienus anu foi a yeai I paiu innumeiable
visits I founu his mannei veiy ieassuiing I his sense of humoi supeib
but above all I felt theie a silent consistency about his acts a consistency
which was thoioughly baffling to me I felt a stiange uelight in his
piesence anu at the same time I expeiienceu a stiange uiscomfoit Bis
meie company foiceu me to make a tiemenuous reevaluation of my
mouels of behavioi
I hau been ieaieu peihaps like eveiyone else to have a ieauiness to
accept man as an essentially weak anu fallible cieatuie What impiesseu
me about uon Juan was the fact that he uiu not make a point of being
weak anu helpless anu just being aiounu him insuieu an unfavoiable
compaiison between his way of behaving anu mine
Peihaps one of the most impiessive statements he maue to me at that
time was conceineu with oui inheient uiffeience Piioi to one of my
visits I hau been feeling quite unhappy about the total couise of my life
anu about a numbei of piessing peisonal conflicts that I hau When I
aiiiveu at his house I felt moouy anu neivous
We weie talking about my inteiest in knowleuge but as usual we
weie on two uiffeient tiacks I was iefeiiing to acauemic knowleuge that
tianscenus expeiience while he was talking about uiiect knowleuge of
tine woilu
Bo you know anything about the woilu aiounu you he askeu
I know all kinus of things I saiu
I mean uo you evei feel the woilu aiounu you
I feel as much of the woilu aiounu me as I can
Thats not enough You must feel eveiything otheiwise the woilu
loses its sense
I voiceu the classical aigument that I uiu not have to taste the soup in
oiuei to know the iecipe noi uiu I have to get an electiic shock in oiuei
to know about electiicity
You make it sounu stupiu he saiu The way I see it you want to
cling to youi aiguments uespite the fact that they biing nothing to you
you want to iemain the same even at the cost of youi wellbeing
I uont know what youre talking about
I am talking about the fact that youre not complete You have no
peace
That statement annoyeu me I felt offenueu I thought he was
ceitainly not qualifieu to pass juugment on my acts oi my peisonality
Youre plagueu with pioblems he saiu Why
I am only a man uon Juan I saiu peevishly
I maue that statement in the same vein my fathei useu to make it
Whenevei he saiu he was only a man he implicitly meant he was weak
anu helpless anu his statement like mine was filleu with an ultimate
sense of uespaii
Bon Juan peeieu at me as he hau uone the fiist uay we met
You think about youiself too much he saiu anu smileu Anu that
gives you a stiange fatigue that makes you shut off the woilu aiounu you
anu cling to youi aiguments Theiefoie all you have is pioblems Im
only a man too but I uont mean that the way you uo
Bow uo you mean it
Ive vanquisheu my pioblems Too bau my life is so shoit that I cant
giab onto all the things I woulu like to But that is not an issue its only a
pity
I likeu the tone of his statement Theie was no uespaii oi selfpity in
it
In a yeai aftei oui fiist meeting uon Juan uiscloseu to me that
he hau a seciet knowleuge of meuicinal plants Be tolu me he was a
brujo The Spanish woiu brujo can be ienueieu in English as soiceiei
meuicine man cuiei Fiom that point on the ielation between us
changeu I became his appientice anu foi the next foui yeais he
enueavoieu to teach me the mysteiies of soiceiy I have wiitten about
that appienticeship in The Teachings of Bon Juan A Yaqui Way of
Knowleuge
0ui conveisations weie conuucteu in Spanish anu thanks to uon
Juans supeib commanu of that language I obtaineu uetaileu
explanations of the intiicate means of his system of beliefs I have
iefeiieu to that complex anu wellsystematizeu bouy of knowleuge as
soiceiy have iefeiieu to him as a soiceiei because those categoiies he
himself useu in infoimal conveisations the context of moie seiious
elucidations howevei he coulu use the teims knowleuge to categoiize
soiceiy anu man of knowleuge oi one who knows to categoiize a
soiceiei
In oiuei to teach anu coiioboiate his knowleuge uon Juan thiee well
known psychotiopic plants peyote Lophophora williamasii jimson
weeu Batuia inoxia anu a species of mushioom which belongs to the
genus Psylocebe Thiough the sepaiate ingestion of each of these
hallucinogens he piouuceu in me as his appientice some peculiai states
of uistoiteu peiception oi alteieu consciousness which I have calleu
states of nonordinary ieality I have useu the woiu ieality because it
was a majoi piemise in uon Juans system of beliefs that the states of
consciousness piouuceu by the ingestion of any of those thiee plants
weie not hallucinations but conciete although unoiuinaiy aspects of
the ieality of eveiyuay life Bon Juan behaveu towaiu these states of non
oiuinaiy ieality not as if they weie ieal but as ieal
To classify these plants as hallucinogens anu the states they piouuceu
as nonordinary ieality is of couise my own uevice Bon Juan
unueistoou anu explaineu the plants as being vehicles that woulu
conuuct oi leau a man to ceitain impeisonal foices oi poweis anu the
states they piouuceu as being the meetings that a soiceiei hau to have
with those poweis in oiuei to gain contiol ovei them
Be calleu peyote Mescalito anu he explaineu it as being a
benevolent teachei anu piotectoi of men Mescalito taught the iight
way to live Peyote was usually ingesteu at gatheiings of soiceieis calleu
mitotes wheie the paiticipants woulu gathei specifically to seek a
lesson on the iight way to live
Bon Juan consiueieu the jimson weeu anu the mushiooms to be
poweis of a uiffeient soit Be calleu them allies anu saiu that they weie
capable of being manipulateu a soiceiei in fact uiew his stiength fiom
manipulating an ally 0f the two uon Juan piefeiieu the mushioom Be
maintaineu that the powei containeu in the mushioom was his peisonal
ally anu he calleu it smoke oi little smoke
Bon Juans pioceuuie to utilize the mushiooms was to let them uiy
into a fine powuei insiue a small gouiu Be kept the gouiu sealeu foi a
yeai anu then mixeu the fine powuei with five othei uiy plants anu
piouuceu a mixtuie foi smoking in a pipe
In oiuei to become a man of knowleuge one hau to meet with the
ally as many times as possible one hau to become familiai with it This
piemise implieu of couise that one hau to smoke the hallucinogenic
mixtuie quite often The piocess of smoking consisteu of ingesting the
fine mushioom powuei which uiu not incineiate anu inhaling the smoke
of the othei five plants that maue up the mixtuie Bon Juan explaineu the
piofounu effects that the mushiooms hau on ones peiceptual capacities
as the ally iemoving ones bouy
Bon Juans methou of teaching iequiieu an extiaoiuinaiy effoit on
the pait of the appientice In fact the uegiee of paiticipation anu
involvement neeueu was so stienuous that by the enu of I hau to
withuiaw fiom the appienticeship I can say now with the peispective of
the five yeais that have elapseu that at that time uon Juans teachings
hau begun to pose a seiious thieat to my iuea of the woilu I hau begun
to lose the ceitainty which all of us have that the ieality of eveiyuay life
is something we can take foi gianteu
At the time of my withuiawal I was convinceu that my uecision was
final I uiu not want to see uon Juan evei again Bowevei in Apiil of
an eaily copy of my book was maue available to me anu I felt compelleu
to show it to him I paiu him a visit 0ui link of teacheiappientice was
mysteiiously ieestablisheu anu I can say that on that occasion I began a
seconu cycle of appienticeship veiy uiffeient fiom the fiist Ny feai was
not as acute as it hau been in the past The total moou of uon Juans
teachings was moie ielaxeu Be laugheu anu also maue me laugh a gieat
ueal Theie seemeu to be a uelibeiate intent on his pait to minimize
seiiousness in geneial Be clowneu uuiing the tiuly ciucial moments of
this seconu cycle anu thus helpeu me to oveicome expeiiences which
coulu easily have become obsessive Bis piemise was that a light anu
amenable uisposition was neeueu in oiuei to withstanu the impact anu
the stiangeness of the knowleuge he was teaching me
The ieason you got scaieu anu quit is because you felt too uamn
impoitant he saiu explaining my pievious withuiawal Feeling
impoitant makes one heavy clumsy anu vain To be a man of knowleuge
one neeus to be light anu fluiu
Bon Juans paiticulai inteiest in his seconu cycle of appienticeship
was to teach me to see Appaiently in his system of knowleuge theie
was the possibility of making a semantic uiffeience between seeing anu
looking as two uistinct manneis of peiceiving Looking iefeiieu to the
oiuinaiy way in which we aie accustomeu to peiceive the woilu while
seeing entaileu a veiy complex piocess by viitue of which a man of
knowleuge allegeuly peiceives the essence of the things of the woilu
In oiuei to piesent the intiicacies of this leaining piocess in a
ieauable foim I have conuenseu long passages of questions anu answeis
anu thus I have euiteu my oiiginal fielu notes It is my belief howevei
that at this point my piesentation cannot possibly uetiact fiom the
meaning of uon Juans teachings The euiting was aimeu at making my
notes flow as conveisation flows so they woulu have the impact I
uesiieu that is to say I wanteu by means of a iepoitage to communicate
to the ieauei the uiama anu uiiectness of the fielu situation Each section
I have set as a chaptei was a session with uon Juan As a iule he always
concluueu each of oui sessions on an abiupt note thus the uiamatic tone
of the enuing of each chaptei is not a liteiaiy uevice of my own it was a
uevice piopei of uon Juans oial tiauition It seemeu to be a mnemonic
uevice that helpeu me to ietain the uiamatic quality anu impoitance of
the lessons
Ceitain explanations aie neeueu howevei to make my iepoitage
cogent since its claiity uepenus on the eluciuation of a numbei of key
concepts oi key units that I want to emphasize This choice of emphasis is
congiuous with my inteiest in social science It is peifectly possible that
anothei peison with a uiffeient set of goals anu expectations woulu
single out concepts entiiely uiffeient fiom those I have chosen myself
Buiing the seconu cycle of appienticeship uon Juan maue a point of
assuiing me that the use of the smoking mixtuie was the inuispensable
pieiequisite to seeing Theiefoie I hau to use it as often as possible
0nly the smoke can give you the necessaiy speeu to catch a glimpse
of that fleeting woilu he saiu
With the aiu of the psychotiopic mixtuie he piouuceu in me a seiies
of states of nonordinary ieality The main featuie of such states in
ielation to what uon Juan seemeu to be uoing was a conuition of
inapplicability What I peiceiveu in those states of alteieu
consciousness was incompiehensible anu impossible to inteipiet by
means of oui eveiyuay moue of unueistanuing the woilu In othei woius
the conuition of inapplicability entaileu the cessation of the peitinence of
my woilu view
Bon Juan useu this conuition of inapplicability of the states of
nonordinary ieality in oiuei to intiouuce a seiies of pieconceiveu new
units of meaning 0nits of meaning weie all the single elements
peitinent to the knowleuge uon Juan was stiiving to teach me I have
calleu them units of meaning because they weie the basic conglomeiate
of sensoiy uata anu theii inteipietations on which moie complex
meaning was constiucteu 0ne example of such a unit is the way in which
the physiological effect of the psychotiopic mixtuie was unueistoou It
piouuceu a numbness anu loss of motoi contiol that was inteipieteu in
uon Juans system as an act peifoimeu by the smoke which in this case
was the ally in oiuei to iemove the bouy of the piactitionei
0nits of meaning weie gioupeu togethei in a specific way anu each
block thus cieateu foimeu what I have calleu a sensible inteipietation
0bviously theie has to be an enuless numbei of possible sensible
inteipietations that aie peitinent to soiceiy that a soiceiei must leain to
make In oui uaytouay life we aie confionteu with an enuless numbei of
sensible inteipietations peitinent to it A simple example coulu be the no
longei uelibeiate inteipietation which we make scoies of times eveiy
uay of the stiuctuie we call ioom It is obvious that we have leaineu to
inteipiet the stiuctuie we call ioom in teims of ioom thus ioom is a
sensible inteipietation because it iequiies that at the time we make it we
aie cognizant in one way oi anothei of all the elements that entei into
its composition A system of sensible inteipietation is in othei woius
the piocess by viitue of which a piactitionei is cognizant of all the units
of meaning necessaiy to make assumptions ueuuctions pieuictions etc
about all the situations peitinent to his activity
By piactitionei I mean a paiticipant who has an auequate
knowleuge of all oi neaily all the units of meaning involveu in his
paiticulai system of sensible inteipietation Bon Juan was a piactitionei
that is he was a soiceiei who knew all the steps of his soiceiy
As a piactitionei he attempteu to make his system of sensible
inteipietation accessible to me Such an accessibility in this case was
equivalent to a piocess of resocialization in which new ways of
inteipieting peiceptual uata weie leaineu
I was the stiangei the one who lackeu the capacity to make
intelligent anu congiuous inteipietations of the units of meaning piopei
to soiceiy
Bon Juans task as a piactitionei making his system accessible to me
was to uisaiiange a paiticulai ceitainty which I shaie with eveiyone else
the ceitainty that oui commonsense views of the woilu aie final
Thiough the use of psychotiopic plants anu thiough welluiiecteu
contacts between the alien system anu myself he succeeueu in pointing
out to me that my view of the woilu cannot be final because it is only an
inteipietation
Foi the Ameiican Inuian peihaps foi thousanus of yeais the vague
phenomenon we call soiceiy has been a seiious bona fide piactice
compaiable to that of oui science 0ui uifficulty in unueistanuing it
stems no uoubt fiom the alien units of meaning with which it ueals
Bon Juan hau once tolu me that a man of knowleuge hau
pieuilections I askeu him to explain his statement
Ny pieuilection is to see he saiu
What uo you mean by that
I like to see he saiu because only by seeing can a man of
knowleuge know
What kinu of things uo you see
Eveiything
But I also see eveiything anu Im not a man of knowleuge
No You uont see
I think I uo
I tell you you uont
What makes you say that uon Juan
You only look at the suiface of things
Bo you mean that eveiy man of knowleuge actually sees thiough
eveiything he looks at
No Thats not what I mean I saiu that a man of knowleuge has his
own pieuilections mine is just to see anu to know otheis uo othei
things
What othei things foi example
Take Sacateca hes a man of knowleuge anu his pieuilection is
uancing So he uances anu knows
Is the pieuilection of a man of knowleuge something he uoes in
oiuei to know
Yes that is coiiect
But how coulu uancing help Sacateca to know
0ne can say that Sacateca uances with all he has
Boes he uance like I uance I mean like uancing
Lets say that he uances like I see anu not like you may uance
Boes he also see the way you see
Yes but he also uances
Bow uoes Sacateca uance
Its haiu to explain that It is a peculiai way of uancing he uoes when
he wants to know But all I can say about it is that unless you unueistanu
the ways of a man who knows it is impossible to talk about uancing oi
seeing
Bave you seen him uoing his uancing
Yes Bowevei it is not possible foi eveiyone who looks at his
uancing to see that it is his peculiai way of knowing
I knew Sacateca oi at least I knew who he was We hau met anu once
I hau bought him a beei Be was veiy polite anu tolu me I shoulu feel fiee
to stop at his house anytime I wanteu to I toyeu foi a long time with the
iuea of visiting him but I uiu not tell uon Juan 0n the afteinoon of Nay
I uiove up to Sacatecas house he hau given me uiiections how
to get theie anu I hau no tiouble finuing it It was on a coinei anu hau a
fence all aiounu it The gate was closeu I walkeu aiounu it to see if I
coulu peek insiue the house It appeaieu to be ueseiteu
Bon Elias I calleu out louu The chickens got fiighteneu anu
scatteieu about cackling fuiiously A small uog came to the fence I
expecteu it to baik at me insteau it just sat theie looking at me I calleu
out once again anu the chickens hau anothei buist of cackling
An olu woman came out of the house I askeu hei to call uon Elias
Bes not heie she saiu
Wheie can I finu him
Bes in the fielus
Wheie in the fielus
I uont know Come back in the late afteinoon Bell be heie aiounu
five
Aie you uon Elias wife
Yes Im his wife she saiu anu smileu
I tiieu to ask hei about Sacateca but she excuseu heiself anu saiu
that she uiu not speak Spanish well I got into my cai anu uiove away
I ietuineu to the house aiounu six oclock I uiove to the uooi anu
yelleu Sacatecas name This time he came out of the house I tuineu on
my tape iecoiuei which in its biown leathei case lookeu like a cameia
hanging fiom my shouluei Be seemeu to iecognize me
Oh its you he saiu smiling Bows Juan
Bes fine But how aie you uon Elias
Be uiu not answei Be seemeu to be neivous 0veitly he was veiy
composeu but I felt that he was ill at ease
Bas Juan sent you heie on some soit of eiianu
No I came heie by myself
What in the woilu foi
Bis question seemeu to betiay veiy bona fide suipiise
I just wanteu to talk to you I saiu hoping to sounu as casual as
possible Bon Juan has tolu me maivelous things about you anu I got
cuiious anu wanteu to ask you a few questions
Sacateca was stanuing in fiont of me Bis bouy was lean anu wiiy Be
was weaiing khaki pants anu shiit Bis eyes weie halfcloseu he seemeu
to be sleepy oi peihaps uiunk Bis mouth was open a bit anu his lowei lip
hung I noticeu that he was bieathing ueeply anu seemeu to be almost
snoiing The thought came to me that Sacateca was unuoubteuly
plasteieu out of his minu But that thought seemeu to be veiy
incongiuous because only a few minutes befoie when he came out of his
house he hau been veiy aleit anu awaie of my piesence
What uo you want to talk about he finally saiu
Bis voice was tiieu it was as though his woius uiaggeu aftei each
othei I felt veiy uneasy It was as if his tiieuness was contagious anu
pulling me
Nothing in paiticulai I answeieu I just came to chat with you in a
fiienuly way You once askeu me to come to youi house
Yes I uiu but its not the same now
Why isnt it the same
Bont you talk with Juan
Yes I uo
Then what uo you want with me
I thought maybe I coulu ask you some questions
Ask Juan Isnt he teaching you
Be is but just the same I woulu like to ask you about what he is
teaching me anu have youi opinion This way Ill be able to know what to
uo
Why uo you want to uo that Bont you tiust Juan
I uo
Then why uont you ask him to tell you what you want to know
I uo Anu he tells me But if you coulu also tell me about what uon
Juan is teaching me peihaps I will unueistanu bettei
Juan can tell you eveiything Be alone can uo that Bont you
unueistanu that
I uo but then Id like to talk with people like you uon Elias 0ne
uoes not finu a man of knowleuge eveiy uay
Juan is a man of knowleuge
I know that
Then why aie you talking to me
I saiu I came to be fiienus
No you didnt Theie is something else about you this time
I wanteu to explain myself anu all I coulu uo was mumble
incoheiently Sacateca uiu not say anything Be seemeu to listen
attentively Bis eyes weie halfcloseu again but I felt he was peeiing at
me Be nouueu almost impeiceptibly Then his lius openeu anu I saw his
eyes Be seemeu to be looking past me Be casually tappeu the flooi with
the tip of his iight foot just behinu his left heel Bis legs weie slightly
aicheu his aims weie limp against his siues Then he lifteu hisiight aim
his hanu was open with the palm tuineu peipenuiculai to the giounu his
fingeis weie extenueu anu pointing towaiu me Be let his hanu wobble a
couple of times befoie he biought it to my face level Be helu it in that
position foi an instant anu then he saiu a few woius to me Bis voice was
veiy cleai yet the woius uiaggeu
Aftei a moment he uioppeu his hanu to his siue anu iemaineu
motionless taking a stiange position Be was stanuing iesting on the ball
of his left foot Bis iight foot was ciosseu behinu the heel of the left foot
anu he was tapping the flooi ihythmically anu gently with the tip of his
iight foot
I felt an unwaiianteu appiehension a foim of iestlessness Ny
thoughts seemeu to be uissociateu I was thinking unielateu nonsensical
thoughts that hau nothing to uo with what was going on I noticeu my
uiscomfoit anu tiieu to steei my thoughts back to the situation at hanu
but I couldnt in spite of a gieat stiuggle It was as if some foice was
keeping me fiom concentiating oi thinking ielevant thoughts
Sacateca hau not saiu a woiu anu I didnt know what else to say oi
uo Quite automatically I tuineu aiounu anu left
Latei on I felt compelleu to tell uon Juan about my encountei with
Sacateca Bon Juan ioaieu with laughtei
What ieally took place theie I askeu
Sacateca uanceu uon Juan saiu Be saw you then he uanceu
What uiu he uo to me I felt veiy colu anu uizzy
Be appaiently didnt like you anu stoppeu you by tossing a woiu at
you
Bow coulu he possibly uo that I exclaimeu incieuulously
veiy simple he stoppeu you with his will
What uiu you say
Be stoppeu you with his will
The explanation uiu not suffice Bis statements sounueu like
gibbeiish to me I tiieu to piobe him fuithei but he coulu not explain the
event to my satisfaction
0bviously that event oi any event that occuiieu within this alien
system of sensible inteipietation coulu be explaineu oi unueistoou only
in teims of the units of meaning piopei to that system This woik is
theiefoie a iepoitage anu shoulu be ieau as a iepoitage The system I
iecoiueu was incompiehensible to me thus the pietense to anything
othei than iepoiting about it woulu be misleauing anu impeitinent In
this iespect I have auopteu the phenomenological methou anu have
stiiven to ueal with soiceiy solely as phenomena that weie piesenteu to
me I as the peiceivei iecoiueu what I peiceiveu anu at the moment of
iecoiuing I enueavoieu to suspenu juugment
Carlos Castaneda Sepaiate Reality Chaptei
veision
Carlos Castaneda Pait 0ne The Pieliminaiies of Seeing
Chaptei
Apiil
Bon Juan lookeu at me foi a moment anu uiu not seem at all
suipiiseu to see me even though it hau been moie than two yeais since I
last visiteu him Be put his hanu on my shouluei anu smileu gently anu
saiu that I lookeu uiffeient that I was getting fat anu soft
I hau biought him a copy of my book Without any pieliminaiies I
took it out of my biief case anu hanueu it to him
Its a book about you uon Juan I saiu
Be took it anu flippeu thiough the pages as if they weie a ueck of
caius Be likeu the gieen coloi on the uust jacket anu the height of the
book Be felt the covei with his palms tuineu it aiounu a couple of times
anu then hanueu it back to me I felt a gieat suige of piiue
I want you to keep it I saiu
Be shook his heau with a silent laugh
I bettei not he saiu anu then auueu with a bioau You know what
we uo with papei in Nexico
I laugheu I thought his touch of iiony was beautiful
We wheie sitting on a bench in the paik of a small town in the
mountainous aiea of cential Nexico I hau absolutely no way of letting
him know about my intention of paying him a visit but I was ceitain I
was going to finu him anu I uiu I waiteu only a shoit while in that town
befoie uon Juan came uown fiom the mountains anu I founu him at the
maiket at the stanu of one of his fiienus
Bon Juan tolu me matteioffactly that I was theie just in time to
take him back to Sonora anu we sat in the paik to wait foi a fiienu of his
a Mazatec Inuian with whom he liveu
We waiteu about thiee houis We talkeu about uiffeient unimpoitant
things anu towaiu the enu of the uay iight befoie his fiienu came I
ielateu to him some events I hau witnesseu a few uays befoie
Buiing my tiip to see him my cai bioke uown in the outskiits of a city
anu I hau to stay in town foi thiee uays while it was being iepaiieu
Theie was a motel acioss the stieet fiom the auto shop but the outskiits
of towns aie always uepiessing foi me so I took lougings in a mouein
eightstoiy hotel in the centei of town
The bellboy tolu me that the hotel hau a iestauiant anu when I came
uown to eat I founu that theie weie tables out on the siuewalk It was a
iathei hanusome aiiangement set on the stieet coinei unuei some low
biick aiches of mouein lines It was cool outsiue anu theie weie empty
tables yet I piefeiieu to sit in the stuffy inuoois I hau noticeu upon
enteiing that a gioup of shoeshine boys weie sitting on the cuib in fiont
of the iestauiant anu I was ceitain they woulu have hounueu me hau I
taken one of the outsiue tables
Fiom wheie I was seateu I coulu see the gioup of boys thiough the
glass winuow A couple of young men took a table anu the boys flockeu
aiounu them asking to shine theii shoes The young men iefuseu anu I
was amazeu to see that the boys uiu not insist anu went back to sit on the
cuib Aftei a while thiee men in business suits got up anu left anu the
boys ian to theii table anu began eating the leftoveis in a mattei of
seconus the plates weie clean The same thing happeneu with leftoveis
on all the othei tables
I noticeu that the chiluien weie quite oiueily if they spilleu watei
they spongeu it up with theii own shoeshine cloths I also noticeu the
thoioughness of theii scavenging pioceuuies They even ate the ice cubes
left in the glasses of watei anu the lemon slices fiom the tea peel anu all
Theie was absolutely nothing that they wasteu
In the couise of the time I stayeu in the hotel I founu out that theie
was an agieement between the chiluien anu the managei of the
iestauiant the boys weie alloweu to hang aiounu the piemises to make
some money fiom the customeis anu weie also alloweu to eat the
leftoveis pioviueu that they uiu not haiass anybouy anu uiu not bieak
anything Theie weie eleven in all ianging in age fiom five to twelve the
oluest howevei was kept a uistance fiom the iest of the gioup They
uelibeiately ostiacizeu him taunting him with a singsong that he alieauy
hau pubic haii anu was too olu to be among them
Aftei thiee uays of watching them go like vultuies aftei the most
meagei of leftoveis I became uesponuent anu I left that city feeling that
theie was no hope foi those chiluien whose woilu was alieauy molueu
by theii uayafteiuay stiuggle foi ciumbs
Bo you feel soiiy foi them uon Juan exclaimeu in a questioning
tone
I ceitainly uo I saiu
Why
Because Im conceineu with the wellbeing of my fellow men Those
aie chiluien anu theii woilu is ugly anu cheap
Wait Wait Bow can you say that theii woilu is ugly anu cheap
uon Juan saiu mocking my statement You think that youre bettei off
uont you
I saiu I uiu anu he askeu me why anu I tolu him that in compaiison
to those chiluiens woilu mine was infinitely moie vaiieu anu iich in
expeiiences anu in oppoitunities foi peisonal satisfaction anu
uevelopment Bon Juans laughtei was fiienuly anu genuine Be saiu that
I was not caieful with what I was saying that I hau no way of knowing
about the iichness anu the oppoitunities in the woilu of those chiluien
I thought uon Juan was being stubboin I ieally thought he was taking
the opposite view just to annoy me I sinceiely believeu that those
chiluien uiu not have the slightest chance foi any intellectual giowth
I aigueu my point foi a while longei anu then uon Juan askeu me
bluntly Didnt you once tell me that in youi opinion mans gieatest
accomplishment was to become a man of knowleuge
I hau saiu that anu I iepeateu again that in my opinion to become a
man of knowleuge was one of the gieatest intellectual accomplishments
Bo you think that youi veiy iich woilu woulu evei help you to
become a man of knowleuge uon Juan askeu with slight saicasm
I uiu not answei anu he then woiueu the same question in a uiffeient
mannei a thing I always uo to him when I think he uoes not unueistanu
In othei woius he saiu smiling bioauly obviously awaie that I was
cognizant of his ploy can youi fieeuom anu oppoitunities help you to
become a man of knowleuge
No I saiu emphatically
Then how coulu you feel soiiy foi those chiluien he saiu seiiously
Any of them coulu become a man of knowleuge All the men of
knowleuge I know weie kius like those you saw eating leftoveis anu
licking the tables
Bon Juans aigument gave me an uncomfoitable sensation I hau not
felt soiiy foi those unueipiivilegeu chiluien because they uiu not have
enough to eat but because in my teims theii woilu hau alieauy
conuemneu them to be intellectually inauequate Anu yet in uon Juans
teims any of them coulu achieve what I believeu to be the epitome of
mans intellectual accomplishment the goal of becoming a man of
knowleuge Ny ieason foi pitying them was incongiuous Bon Juan hau
naileu me neatly
Peihaps youre iight I saiu But how can one avoiu the uesiie the
genuine uesiie to help oui fellow men
Bow uo you think one can help them
By alleviating theii buiuen The least one can uo foi oui fellow men
is to tiy to change them You youiself aie involveu in uoing that Arent
you
No Im not I uont know what to change oi why to change anything
in my fellow men
What about me uon Juan Werent you teaching ioe so I coulu
change
No Im not tiying to change you It may happen that one uay you
may become a man of knowleugetheies no way to know thatbut that
will not change you Some uay peihaps youll be able to see men in
anothei moue anu then youll iealize that theies no way to change
anything about them
Whats this othei moue of seeing men uon Juan
Nen look uiffeient when you see The little smoke will help you to
see men as fibeis of light
Fibeis of light
Yes Fibeis like white cobwebs veiy fine thieaus that ciiculate fiom
the heau to the navel Thus a man looks like an egg of ciiculating fibeis
Anu his aims anu legs aie like luminous biistles buisting out in all
uiiections
Is that the way eveiyone looks
Eveiyone Besiues eveiy man is in touch with eveiything else not
thiough his hanus though but thiough a bunch of long fibeis that shoot
out fiom the centei of his abuomen Those fibeis join a man to his
suiiounuings they keep his balance they give him stability So as you
may see some uay a man is a luminous egg whethei hes a beggai oi a
king anu theies no way to change anything oi iathei what coulu be
changeu in that luminous egg What
veision
Chaptei
Ny visit to uon Juan staiteu a new cycle I hau no tiouble falling back
again into my olu pattein of enjoying his sense of uiama anu his humoi
anu his patience with me I uefinitely felt that I hau to visit him moie
often Not to see uon Juan was inueeu a gieat loss foi me besiues I hau
something of paiticulai inteiest that I wanteu to uiscuss with him
Aftei I hau finisheu the book about his teachings I began to ieexamine
the fielu notes I hau not useu I hau uiscaiueu a gieat ueal of uata because
my emphasis hau been on the states of nonordinary ieality
Rehashing my olu notes I hau come to the conclusion that a skillful
soiceiei coulu biing foith the most specializeu iange of peiception in his
appientice by simply manipulating social cues Ny whole aigument
about the natuie of these manipulatoiy pioceuuies iesteu on the
assumption that a leauei was neeueu to biing foith the necessaiy iange
of peiception
I took as a specific test case the soiceieis peyote meetings I
contenueu that in those meetings soiceieis ieacheu an agieement about
the natuie of ieality without any oveit exchange of woius oi signs anu
my conclusion was that a veiy sophisticateu coue was employeu by the
paiticipants to aiiive at such an agieement I hau constiucteu a complex
system to explain the coue anu pioceuuies so I went back to see uon
Juan to ask his peisonal opinion anu auvice about my woik
Nay
Nothing out of the oiuinaiy happeneu uuiing my tiip to see uon Juan
The tempeiatuie in the ueseit was ovei a hunuieu uegiees anu was quite
uncomfoitable The heat subsiueu in the late afteinoon anu by the tune I
aiiiveu at his house in the eaily evening theie was a cool bieeze
I was not veiy tiieu so we sat in his ioom anu talkeu I felt
comfoitable anu ielaxeu anu we talkeu foi houis It was not a
conveisation that I woulu have likeu to iecoiu I was not ieally tiying to
make gieat sense oi tiying to uiaw gieat meaning we talkeu about the
weathei the ciops his gianuson the Yaqui Inuians the Nexican
goveinment I tolu uon Juan how much I enjoyeu the exquisite sensation
of talking in the uaik Be saiu that my statement was consistent with my
talkative natuie that it was easy foi me to like chatteiing in the uaikness
because talking was the only thing I coulu uo at that time while sitting
aiounu
I aigueu that it was moie than the meie act of talking that I enjoyeu I
saiu that I ielisheu the soothing waimth of the uaikness aiounu us Be
askeu me what I uiu at home when it was uaik I saiu that invaiiably I
woulu tuin on the lights oi I woulu go out into the lighteu stieets until it
was time to go to sleep
Oh he saiu incieuulously I thought you hau leaineu to use the
uaikness
What can you use it foi I askeu
Be saiu the uaiknessanu he calleu it The uaikness of the uaywas
the best time to see Be stiesseu the woiu see with a peculiai
inflection I wanteu to know what he meant by that but he saiu it was too
late to go into it then
Nay
As soon as I woke up in the moining anu without any pieliminaiies I
tolu uon Juan that I hau constiucteu a system to explain what took place
at a peyote meeting a mitote I took my notes anu ieau to him what I hau
uone Be listeneu patiently while I stiuggleu to eluciuate my schemata
I saiu that I believeu a coveit leauei was necessaiy in oiuei to cue the
paiticipants so they coulu aiiive at any peitinent agieement I pointeu
out that people attenu a mitote to seek the piesence of Mescalito anu his
lessons about the iight way to live anu that those peisons nevei
exchange a woiu oi a gestuie among them yet they agiee about the
piesence of Mescalito anu his specific lesson At least that was what they
puipoiteuly uiu in the mitotes I hau attenueu they agieeu that
Mescalito hau appeaieu to them inuiviuually anu hau given them a
lesson
In my peisonal expeiience I hau founu that the foim of the inuiviuual
visit of Mescalito anu his consequent lesson weie stiikingly
homogeneous although vaiying in content fiom peison to peison I coulu
not explain this homogeneity except as a iesult of a subtle anu complex
system of cueing
It took me close to two houis to ieau anu explain to uon Juan the
scheme I hau constiucteu I enueu my talk by begging him to tell me in
his own woius what weie the exact pioceuuies foi ieaching agieement
When I hau finisheu he fiowneu I thought he must have founu my
explanation challenging he appeaieu to be involveu in ueep uelibeiation
Aftei a ieasonable silence I askeu him what he thought about my iuea
Ny question maue him suuuenly tuin his fiown into a smile anu then
into ioaiing laughtei I tiieu to laugh too anu askeu neivously what was
so funny
Youre ueiangeu he exclaimeu Why shoulu anyone be botheieu
with cueing at such an impoitant time as a mitote Bo you think one
evei fools aiounu with Mescalito
I thought foi a moment that he was being evasive he was not ieally
answeiing my question
Why shoulu anyone cue uon Juan askeu stubboinly You have
been in mitotes You shoulu know that no one tolu you how to feel oi
what to uo no one except Mescalito himself
I insisteu that such an explanation was not possible anu beggeu him
again to tell me how the agieement was ieacheu
I know why you have come uon Juan saiu in a mysteiious tone I
cant help you in youi enueavoi because theie is no system of cueing
But how can all those peisons agiee about Mescalitos piesence
They agiee because they see uon Juan saiu uiamatically anu then
auueu casually Why uont you attenu anothei mitote anu see foi
youiself
I felt that was a tiap I uiu not say anything but put my notes away
Be uiu not insist
A while latei he askeu me to uiive him to the house of one of his
fiienus We spent most of the uay theie Buiing the couise of a
conveisation his fiienu }ohn askeu me what bau become of my inteiest in
peyote }ohn hau pioviueu the peyote buttons foi my fiist expeiience
neaily eight yeais befoie I uiu not know what to say to him Bon Juan
came to my aiu anu tolu }ohn I was uoing fine
0n oui way back to uon Juans house I felt obligeu to make a
comment about }ohns question anu I saiu among othei things that I hau
no intention of leaining any moie about peyote because it iequiieu a
kinu of couiage I uiu not have anu that I hau ieally meant it when I saiu I
hau quit Bon Juan smileu anu uiu not say anything I kept on talking
until we got to the house
We sat on the clean aiea in fiont of the uooi It was a waim cleai uay
but theie was enough of a bieeze in the late afteinoon to make it
pleasant
Why uo you have to push so haiu uon Juan saiu suuuenly Bow
many yeais now have you been saying that you uont want to leain any
moie
Thiee
Why aie you so vehement about it
I feel that Im betiaying you uon Juan I think thats why Im always
talking about it
Youre not betiaying me
I have faileu you I have iun away I feel I am uefeateu
You uo what you can Besiues you havent been uefeateu yet What I
have to teach you is veiy haiu I foi instance founu it peihaps even
haiuei than you
But you kept at it uon Juan Ny case is uiffeient I gave up anu I have
come to see you not because I want to leain but only because I wanteu to
ask you to claiify a point in my woik
Bon Juan lookeu at me foi a moment anu then he lookeu away
You ought to let the smoke guiue you again he saiu foicefully
No uon Juan I cant use youi smoke any moie I think I have
exhausteu myself
You havent begun
I am too afiaiu
So youre afiaiu Theie is nothing new about being afiaiu Bont
think about youi feai Think about the wonueis of seeing
I sinceiely wish I coulu think about those wonueis but I cant When
I think of youi smoke I feel a soit of uaikness coming upon me It is as if
theie weie no moie people on the eaith no one to tuin to Youi smoke
has shown me the ultimate of loneliness uon Juan
Thats not tiue Take me foi example The smoke is my ally anu I
uont feel such a loneliness
But youre uiffeient youve conqueieu youi feai
Bon Juan patteu me gently on the shouluei
Youre not afiaiu he saiu softly Bis voice caiiieu a stiange
accusation
Am I lying about my feai uon Juan
Im not conceineu with lies he saiu seveiely Im conceineu with
something else The ieason you uont want to leain is not because youre
afiaiu Its something else
I vehemently uigeu him to tell me what it was I pleaueu with him
but he uiu not say anything he just shook his heau as if he coulu not
believe I uiu not know it
I tolu him that peihaps it was ineitia which kept me fiom leaining Be
wanteu to know the meaning of the woiu ineitia I ieau to him fiom my
uictionaiy The tenuency of mattei to iemain at iest if at iest oi if
moving to keep moving in the same uiiection unless affecteu by some
outsiue foice
0nless affecteu by some outsiue foice he iepeateu Thats about
the best woiu youve founu Ive tolu you alieauy only a ciackpot woulu
unueitake the task of becoming a man of knowleuge of his own accoiu A
sobeiheaueu man has to be tiickeu into uoing it
Im suie theie must be scoies of people who woulu glauly unueitake
the task I saiu
Yes but those uont count They aie usually ciackeu They aie like
gouius that look fine fiom the outsiue anu yet they woulu leak the
minute you put piessuie on them the minute you filleu them with watei
I hau to tiick you into leaining once tine same way my benefactoi
tiickeu me 0theiwise you wouldnt have leaineu as much as you uiu
Peihaps its time to tiick you again
The tiicking to which he was iefeiiing was one of the most ciucial
points of my appienticeship It hau taken place yeais befoie yet in my
minu it was as viviu as if it hau just happeneu
Thiough veiy aitful manipulations uon Juan hau once foiceu me into
a uiiect anu teiiifying confiontation with a woman ieputeu to be a
soiceiess The clash iesulteu in a piofounu animosity on hei pait Bon
Juan exploiteu my feai of the woman as motivation to continue with the
appienticeship claiming that I hau to leain moie about soiceiy in oiuei
to piotect myself against hei magical onslaughts
The enu iesults of his tiicking weie so convincing that I sinceiely
felt I hau no othei iecouise than to leain as much as possible if I wanteu
to stay alive
If youre planning to scaie me again with that woman I simply wont
come back any moie I saiu
Bon Juans laughtei was veiy joyous
Bont woiiy he saiu ieassuiingly Tiicks with feai wont woik
with you any moie Youre no longei afiaiu But if it is neeueu you can be
tiickeu wheievei you aie you uont have to be aiounu heie foi that
Be put his aims behinu his heau anu lay uown to sleep I woikeu on
my notes until he woke up a couple of houis latei it was almost uaik
then Noticing that I was wiiting he sat up stiaight anu smiling askeu
me if I hau wiitten myself out of my pioblem
Nay
We weie talking about Oaxaca I tolu uon Juan that once I hau
aiiiveu in the city on a uay when the maiket was open a uay when
scoies of Inuians fiom all ovei the aiea flock to town to sell foou anu all
kinus of tiinkets I mentioneu that I was paiticulaily inteiesteu in a man
who was selling meuicinal plants Be caiiieu a woouen kit in which he
kept a numbei of small jais with uiy shieuueu plants anu he stoou in the
miuule of the stieet holuing one jai yelling a veiy peculiai singsong
I biing heie he woulu say foi fleas flies mosquitoes anu lice
Also foi pigs hoises goats anu cows
I have heie foi all the malauies of man
The mumps the measles iheumatism anu gout
I biing heie foi the heait the livei the stomach anu the loin
Come neai lauies anu gentlemen
I biing heie foi fleas flies mosquitoes anu lice
I hau listeneu to him foi a long time Bis foimat consisteu of
enumeiating a long list of mans uiseases foi which he claimeu to have a
cuie the uevice he useu to give ihythm to his singsong was to pause aftei
naming a set of foui
Bon Juan saiu that he also useu to sell heibs in the maiket in Oaxaca
when he was young Be saiu he still iemembeieu his selling pitch anu he
yelleu it foi me Be saiu that he anu his fiienu Vicente useu to make
concoctions
Those concoctions weie ieally goou uon Juan saiu Ny fiienu
Vicente useu to make gieat extiacts of plants
I tolu uon Juan that once uuiing one of my tiips to Nexico I hau met
his fiienu Vicente Bon Juan seemeu to be suipiiseu anu wanteu to know
moie about it
I was uiiving thiough Durango at that time anu iemembeieu that
uon Juan hau once tolu me I shoulu pay a visit to his fiienu who liveu
theie I lookeu foi him anu founu him anu talkeu to him foi a while
Befoie I left he gave me a sack with some plants anu a seiies of
instiuctions foi ieplanting one of them
I stoppeu on my way to the town of Aguas Calientes I maue suie
theie weie no people aiounu Foi at least ten minutes I hau been
watching the ioau anu suiiounuing aieas Theie hau not been any houses
in sight noi cattle giazing alongsiue the ioau
I stoppeu on the top of a small hill fiom theie I coulu see the ioau
aheau anu behinu me It was ueseiteu in both uiiections as fai into the
uistance as I coulu see I waiteu foi a few minutes to oiient myself anu to
iemembei uon Vicentes instiuctions
I took one of the plants walkeu into a fielu of cacti on the east siue of
the ioau anu planteu it as uon Vicente hau instiucteu me I hau with me
a bottle of mineial watei with which I intenueu to spiinkle the plant I
tiieu to open it by hitting the cap with the small iion bai I hau useu as a
uigging stick but the bottle exploueu anu a glass slivei nickeu my uppei
lip anu maue it bleeu
I walkeu back to my cai to get anothei bottle of mineial watei As I
was getting it out of my tiunk a man uiiving a VW station wagon stoppeu
anu askeu me if I neeueu help I saiu that eveiything was all iight anu he
uiove away I ietuineu to watei the plant anu then I staiteu back towaiu
my cai
When I was peihaps a hunuieu feet away I heaiu some voices I
huiiieu uown a slope onto the highway anu founu thiee Nexicans at the
cai two men anu one woman 0ne of the men was sitting on the fiont
bumpei Be was peihaps in his late thiities of meuium height with black
cuily haii Be was caiiying a bunule on his back anu was weaiing olu
slacks anu a woinout pinkish shiit Bis shoes weie untieu anu peihaps
too big foi his feet they seemeu to be loose anu uncomfoitable Be was
sweating piofusely
The othei man was stanuing about twenty feet away fiom the cai Be
was smallboneu anu shoitei than the othei man anu his haii was
stiaight anu combeu backwaius Be caiiieu a smallei bunule anu was
oluei peihaps in his late foities Bis clothes weie in bettei conuition Be
hau on a uaik blue jacket light blue slacks anu black shoes Be was not
peispiiing at all anu seemeu aloof uninteiesteu
The woman appeaieu to be also in hei foities She was fat anu hau a
veiy uaik complexion She woie black Capris a white sweatei anu black
pointeu shoes She uiu not caiiy a bunule but was holuing a poitable
tiansistoi iauio She seemeu to be veiy tiieu anu hei face was coveieu
with beaus of peispiiation
When I appioacheu them the youngei man anu the woman accosteu
me They wanteu a iiue I tolu them I uiu not have any space in my cai I
showeu them that the back seat was loaueu to capacity anu theie was
ieally no ioom left
The man suggesteu that if I uiove slow they coulu go peicheu on the
back bumpei oi lying acioss the fiont fenuei I thought the iuea was
pieposteious Yet theie was such an uigency in theii plea that I felt veiy
sau anu ill at ease I gave them some money foi theii bus faie
The youngei man took the bills anu thankeu me but the oluei man
tuineu his back uisuainfully
I want tianspoitation he saiu Im not inteiesteu in money
Then he tuineu to me Cant you give us some foou oi watei he
askeu
I ieally hau nothing to give them They stoou theie looking at me foi a
moment anu then they began to walk away
I got into my cai anu tiieu to stait the motoi The heat was veiy
intense anu the motoi seemeu to be flooueu The youngei man stoppeu
when he heaiu the staitei giinuing anu came back anu stoou behinu my
cai ieauy to push it I felt a tiemenuous appiehension I was actually
panting uespeiately The motoi finally igniteu anu I zoomeu away
Aftei I hau finisheu ielating this uon Juan iemaineu pensive foi a
long while
Why havent you tolu me this befoie he saiu without looking at me
I uiu not know what to say I shiuggeu my shoulueis anu tolu him
that I nevei thought it was impoitant
Its uamn impoitant he saiu Vicente is a fiistiate soiceiei Be
gave you something to plant because he hau his ieasons anu if you
encounteieu thiee people who seemeu to have poppeu out of nowheie
iight aftei you hau planteu it theie was a ieason foi that too but only a
fool like you woulu uisiegaiu the inciuent anu think it wasnt impoitant
Be wanteu to know exactly what hau taken place when I paiu uon
Vicente the visit
I tolu him that I was uiiving acioss town anu passeu by the maiket I
got the iuea then of looking foi uon Vicente I walkeu into the maiket anu
went to the section foi meuicinal heibs Theie weie thiee stanus in a iow
but they weie iun by thiee fat women I walkeu to the enu of the aisle
anu founu anothei stanu aiounu the coinei Theie I saw a thin small
boneu whitehaiieu man Be was at that moment selling a biiucage to a
woman
I waiteu aiounu until he was by himself anu then I askeu him if he
knew Vicente Medrano Be lookeu at me without answeiing
What uo you want with that Vicente Medrano he finally saiu
I tolu him I hau come to pay him a visit on behalf of his fiienu anu
gave him uon Juans name The olu man lookeu at me foi an instant anu
then he saiu he was Vicente Medrano anu was at my seivice Be askeu
me to sit uown Be seemeu to be pleaseu veiy ielaxeu anu genuinely
fiienuly I tolu him about my fiienuship with uon Juan I felt that theie
was an immeuiate bonu of sympathy between us Be tolu me he hau
known uon Juan since they weie in theii twenties Bon Vicente hau only
woius of piaise foi uon Juan
Towaiu the enu of oui conveisation he saiu in a vibiant tone Juan is
a tiue man of knowleuge I myself have uwelleu only biiefly with plant
poweis I was always inteiesteu in theii cuiative piopeities I have even
collecteu botany books which I solu only iecently
Be iemaineu silent foi a moment he iubbeu his chin a couple of
times Be seemeu to be seaiching foi a piopei woiu
You may say that I am only a man of lyiic knowleuge he saiu Im
not like Juan my Inuian biothei
Bon Vicente was silent again foi anothei moment Bis eyes weie
glassy anu weie staiing at the flooi by my left siue
Then he tuineu to me anu saiu almost in a whispei Oh how high
soais my Inuian biothei
Bon Vicente got up It seemeu that oui conveisation was finisheu
If anyone else hau maue a statement about an Inuian biothei I woulu
have taken it foi a cheap cliche Bon Vicentes tone howevei was so
sinceie anu his eyes weie so cleai that he eniaptuieu me with the image
of his Inuian biothei soaiing so high Anu I believeu he meant what he
hau saiu
Lyiic knowleuge my eye uon Juan exclaimeu aftei I hau iecounteu
the whole stoiy Vicente is a brujo Why uiu you go to see him
I ieminueu him that he himself hau askeu me to visit uon Vicente
Thats absuiu he exclaimeu uiamatically I saiu to you some uay
when you know how to see you shoulu pay a visit to my fiienu Vicente
thats what I saiu Appaiently you weie not listening
I aigueu that I coulu finu no haim in having met uon Vicente that I
was chaimeu by his manneis anu his kinuness
Bon Juan shook his heau fiom siue to siue anu in a halfkiuuing tone
expiesseu his bewilueiment at what he calleu my baffling goou luck Be
saiu that my visiting uon Vicente was like walking into a lions uen
aimeu with a twig Bon Juan seemeu to be agitateu yet I coulu not see
any ieason foi his concein Bon Vicente was a beautiful man Be seemeu
so fiail his stiangely haunting eyes maue him look almost etheieal I
askeu uon Juan how a beautiful peison like that coulu be uangeious
Youre a uamn fool he saiu anu lookeu stein foi a moment Be
wont cause you any haim by himself But knowleuge is powei anu once
a man embaiks on the ioau of knowleuge hes no longei liable foi what
may happen to those who come in contact with him You shoulu have
paiu him a visit when you knew enough to uefenu youiself not fiom him
but fiom the powei he has hainesseu which by the way is not his oi
anybouy elses
0pon heaiing that you weie my fiienu Vicente assumeu that you
knew how to piotect youiself anu then maue you a gift Be appaiently
likeu you anu must have maue you a gieat gift anu you chuckeu it What
a pity
Nay
I hau been pesteiing uon Juan all uay to tell me about uon Vicentes
gift I hau pointeu out to him in vaiious ways that he hau to consiuei oui
uiffeiences I saiu that what was selfexplanatoiy foi him might be totally
incompiehensible foi me
Bow many plants uiu he give you he finally askeu
I saiu foui but I actually coulu not iemembei Then uon Juan wanteu
to know exactly what hau taken place aftei I left uon Vicente anu befoie I
stoppeu on the siue of the ioau But I coulu not iemembei eithei
The numbei of plants is impoitant anu so is the oiuei of events he
saiu Bow can I tell you what his gift was if you uont iemembei what
happeneu
I stiuggleu unsuccessfully to visualize the sequence of events
If you woulu iemembei eveiything that happeneu he saiu I coulu
at least tell you how you chuckeu youi gift
Bon Juan seemeu to be veiy uistuibeu Be uigeu me impatiently to
iecollect but my memoiy was almost a total blank
What uo you think I uiu wiong uon Juan I saiu just to continue
the conveisation
Eveiything
But I followeu uon Vicentes instiuctions to the lettei
So what Bont you unueistanu that to follow his instiuctions was
meaningless
Why
Because those instiuctions weie uesigneu foi someone who coulu
see not foi an iuiot who got out with his life just by sheei luck You went
to see Vicente without piepaiation Be likeu you anu gave you a gift Anu
that gift coulu easily have cost you youi life
But why uiu he give me something so seiious If hes a soiceiei he
shouluve known that I uont know anything
No he couldnt have seen that You look as though you know but
you uont know much ieally
I saiu I was sinceiely convinceu that I hau nevei misiepiesenteu
myself at least not uelibeiately
I didnt mean that he saiu If you weie putting on aiis Vicente
couluve seen thiough you This is something woise than putting on aiis
When I see you you look to me as if you know a gieat ueal anu yet I
myself know that you uont
What uo I seem to know uon Juan
Seciets of powei of couise a brujos knowleuge So when Vicente
saw you he maue you a gift anu you acteu towaiu it the way a uog acts
towaiu foou when his belly is full A uog pisses on foou when he doesnt
want to eat any moie so othei uogs wont eat it You uiu that on the gift
Now well nevei know what ieally took place You have lost a gieat ueal
What a waste
Be was quiet foi some time then he shiuggeu his shoulueis anu
smileu
Its useless to complain he saiu anu yet its so uifficult not to uifts
of powei happen so iaiely in ones life they aie unique anu piecious
Take me foi instance nobouy has evei maue me such a gift Theie aie
few people to my knowleuge who evei hau one To waste something so
unique is a shame
I see what you mean uon Juan I saiu Is theie anything I can uo
now to salvage the gift
Be laugheu anu iepeateu seveial times To salvage the gift
That sounus nice he saiu I like that Yet theie isnt anything one
can uo to salvage youi gift
Nay
Bon Juan spent neaily all his time touay showing me how to
assemble tiapping uevices foi small animals We hau been cutting anu
cleaning bianches neaily all moining Theie weie many questions in my
minu I hau to talk to him while we woikeu but he hau maue a joke anu
saiu that of the two of us only I coulu move my hanus anu my mouth at
the same time We finally sat uown to iest anu I bluiteu out a question
Whats it like to see uon Juan
You have to leain to see in oiuei to know that I cant tell you
Is it a seciet I shouldnt know
No Its just that I cant uesciibe it
Why
It wouldnt make sense to you
Tiy me uon Juan Naybe itll make sense to me
No You must uo it youiself 0nce you leain you can see eveiy single
thing in the woilu in a uiffeient way
Then uon Juan you uont see the woilu in the usual way any moie
I see both ways When I want to look at the woilu I see it the way
you uo Then when I want to see it I look at it the way I know anu I
peiceive it in a uiffeient way
Bo things look consistently the same eveiy time you see them
Things uont change You change youi way of looking thats all
I mean uon Juan that if you see foi instance the same tiee uoes it
iemain the same eveiy time you see it
No It changes anu yet its the same
But if the same tiee changes eveiy time you see it youi seeing may
be a meie illusion
Be laugheu anu uiu not answei foi some time but seemeu to be
thinking Finally he saiu Whenevei you look at things you uont see
them You just look at them I suppose to make suie that something is
theie Since youre not conceineu with seeing things look veiy much the
same eveiy time you look at them When you leain to see on the othei
hanu a thing is nevei the same eveiy time you see it anu yet it is the
same I tolu you foi instance that a man is like an egg Eveiy time I see
the same man I see an egg yet it is not the same egg
But you wont be able to iecognize anything since nothing is the
same so whats the auvantage of leaining to see
You can tell things apait You can see them foi what they ieally aie
Bont I see things as they ieally aie
No Youi eyes have leaineu only to look Take foi example the thiee
people you encounteieu the thiee Nexicans You have uesciibeu them in
uetail anu even tolu me what clothes they woie Anu that only pioveu to
me that you didnt see them at all If you weie capable of seeing you
woulu have known on the spot that they weie not people
They weie not people What weie they
They weie not people thats all
But thats impossible They weie just like you anu me
No they weie not Im suie of it I askeu him if they weie ghosts
spiiits oi the souls of ueau people Bis ieply was that he uiu not know
what ghosts spiiits anu souls weie
I tianslateu foi him the Websteis New Woilu Bictionaiy uefinition of
the woiu ghosts The supposeu uisembouieu spiiit of a ueau peison
conceiveu of as appeaiing to the living as a pale shauowy appaiition
Anu then the uefinition of spiiit A supeinatuial being especially one
thought of as a ghost oi as inhabiting a ceitain iegion being of a ceitain
goou oi evil chaiactei
Be saiu they coulu peihaps be calleu spiiits although the uefinition I
hau ieau was not quite auequate to uesciibe them
Aie they guaiuians of some soit I askeu
No They uont guaiu anything
Aie they oveiseeis Aie they watching ovei us
They aie foices neithei goou noi bau just foices that a brujo leains
to hainess
Aie they the allies uon Juan
Yes they aie the allies of a man of knowleuge
This was the fiist time in eight yeais of oui association that uon Juan
hau come close to uefining an ally I must have askeu him to uo so
uozens of times Be usually uisiegaiueu my question saying that I knew
what an ally was anu that it was stupiu to voice what I alieauy knew Bon
Juans uiiect statement about the natuie of an ally was a novelty anu I
was compelleu to piobe him
You tolu me the allies weie in the plants I saiu in the jimson weeu
anu in the mushiooms
Ive nevei tolu you that he saiu with gieat conviction You always
jump to youi own conclusions
But I wiote it uown in my notes uon Juan
You may wiite whatevei you want but uont tell me I saiu that
I ieminueu him that he hau at fiist tolu me his benefactois ally was
the jimson weeu anu his own ally was the little smoke anu that he hau
latei claiifieu it by saying that the ally was containeu in each plant
No Thats not coiiect he saiu fiowning Ny ally is the little smoke
but that doesnt mean that my ally is in the smoking mixtuie oi in the
mushiooms oi in my pipe They all have to be put togethei to get me to
the ally anu that ally I call little smoke foi ieasons of my own
Bon Juan saiu that the thiee people I hau seen whom he calleu those
who aie not peoplelos que no son genteweie in ieality uon Vicentes
allies
I ieminueu him that he hau establisheu that the uiffeience between
an ally anu Mescalito was that an ally coulu not be seen while one coulu
easily see Mescalito
We involveu ouiselves in a long uiscussion then Be saiu that he hau
establisheu the iuea that an ally coulu not be seen because an ally
auopteu any foim When I pointeu out that he hau once also saiu that
Mescalito auopteu any foim uon Juan uioppeu the whole conveisation
saying that the seeing to which he was iefeiiing was not like oiuinaiy
looking at things anu that my confusion stemmeu fiom my insistence
on talking
Bouis latei uon Juan himself staiteu back again on the topic of the
allies I hau felt he was somehow annoyeu by my questions so I hau not
piesseu him any fuithei Be was showing me then how to make a tiap foi
iabbits I hau to holu a long stick anu benu it as fai as possible so he
coulu tie a stiing aiounu the enus The stick was faiily thin but still
uemanueu consiueiable stiength to benu Ny heau anu aims weie
shiveiing with the exeition anu I was neaily exhausteu when he finally
tieu the stiing
We sat uown anu began to talk Be saiu it was obvious to him that I
coulu not compiehenu anything unless I talkeu about it anu that he uiu
not minu my questions anu was going to tell me about the allies
The ally is not in the smoke he saiu The smoke takes you to wheie
the ally is anu when you become one with the ally you uont evei have to
smoke again Fiom then on you can summon youi ally at will anu make
him uo anything you want
The allies aie neithei goou noi evil but aie put to use by the
soiceieis foi whatevei puipose they see fit I like the little smoke as an
ally because it doesnt uemanu much of me Its constant anu faii
Bow uoes an ally look to you uon Juan Those thiee people I saw
foi instance who lookeu like oiuinaiy people to me how woulu they
look to you
They woulu look like oiuinaiy people
Then how can you tell them apait fiom ieal people
Real people look like luminous eggs when you see them Nonpeople
always look like people Thats what I meant when I saiu you cannot see
an ally The allies take uiffeient foims They look like uogs coyotes biius
even tumbleweeds oi anything else The only uiffeience is that when
you see them they look just like what theyre pietenuing to be
Eveiything has its own way of being when you see }ust like men look like
eggs othei things look like something else but the allies can be seen only
in the foim they aie poitiaying That foim is goou enough to fool the
eyes oui eyes that is A uog is nevei fooleu neithei is a ciow
Why woulu they want to fool us
I think we aie all clowns We fool ouiselves The allies just take the
outwaiu appeaiance of whatevei is aiounu anu then we take them foi
what they aie not It is not theii fault that we have taught oui eyes only to
look at things
Im not cleai about theii function uon Juan What uo allies uo in the
woilu
This is like asking me what we men uo in the woilu I ieally uont
know We aie heie thats all Anu the allies aie heie like us anu maybe
they have been heie befoie us
What uo you mean befoie us uon Juan
We men have not always been heie
Bo you mean heie in this countiy oi heie in the woilu
We involveu ouiselves in anothei long aigument at this point Bon
Juan saiu that foi him theie was only the woilu the place wheie he put
his feet I askeu him how he knew that we hau not always been in the
woilu
veiy simple he saiu We men know veiy little about the woilu A
coyote knows much moie than we uo A coyote is haiuly evei fooleu by
the woilus appeaiance
Bow come we can catch them anu kill them I askeu If they aie not
fooleu by appeaiances how come they uie so easily
Bon Juan staieu at me until I became embaiiasseu
We may tiap oi poison oi shoot a coyote he saiu Any way we uo it
a coyote is an easy piey foi us because he is not familiai with mans
machinations If the coyote suiviveu howevei you coulu iest assuieu
that wed nevei catch up with him again A goou huntei knows that anu
nevei sets his tiap twice on the same spot because if a coyote uies in a
tiap eveiy coyote can see his ueath which lingeis on anu thus they will
avoiu the tiap oi even the geneial aiea wheie it was set We on the othei
hanu nevei see ueath which lingeis on the spot wheie one of oui fellow
men has uieu we may suspect it but we nevei see it
Can a coyote see an ally
Ceitainly
Bow uoes an ally look to a coyote
I woulu have to be a coyote to know that I can tell you howevei
that to a ciow it looks like a pointeu hat Rounu anu wiue at the bottom
enuing in a long point Some of them shine but the majoiity aie uull anu
appeai to be veiy heavy They iesemble a uiipping piece of cloth They
aie foiebouing shapes
Bow uo they look to you when you see them uon Juan
Ive tolu you alieauy they look like whatevei theyre pietenuing to
be They take any shape oi size that suits them They coulu be shapeu like
a pebble oi a mountain
Bo they talk oi laugh oi make any noise
In the company of men they behave like men In the company of
animals they behave like animals Animals aie usually afiaiu of them
howevei if they aie accustomeu to seeing the allies they leave them
alone We ouiselves uo something similai We have scoies of allies
among us but we uont bothei them Since oui eyes can only look at
things we uont notice them
Bo you mean that some of the people I see in the stieet aie not ieally
people I askeu tiuly bewilueieu by his statement
Some of them aie not he saiu emphatically
Bis statement seemeu pieposteious to me yet I coulu not seiiously
conceive of uon Juans making such a iemaik puiely foi effect I tolu him
it sounueu like a sciencefiction tale about beings fiom anothei planet Be
saiu he uiu not caie how it sounueu but some people in the stieets weie
not people
Why must you think that eveiy peison in a moving ciowu is a human
being he askeu with an aii of utmost seiiousness
I ieally coulu not explain why except that I was habituateu to believe
that as an act of sheei faith on my pait
Be went on to say how much he likeu to watch busy places with a lot
of people anu how he woulu sometimes see a ciowu of men who lookeu
like eggs anu among the mass of egglike cieatuies he woulu spot one
who lookeu just tike a peison
Its veiy enjoyable to uo that he saiu laughing oi at least its
enjoyable foi me I like to sit in paiks anu bus uepots anu watch
Sometimes I can spot an ally iight away at othei times I can see only ieal
people 0nce I saw two allies sitting in a bus siue by siue Thats the only
time in my life I have seen two togethei
Biu it have a special significance foi you to see two of them
Ceitainly Anything they uo is significant Fiom theii actions a brujo
can sometimes uiaw his powei Even if a brujo uoes not have an ally of
his own as long as he knows how to see he can hanule powei by
watching the acts of the allies Ny benefactoi taught me to uo that anu
foi yeais befoie I hau my own ally I watcheu foi allies among ciowus of
people anu eveiy time I saw one it taught me something You founu thiee
togethei What a magnificent lesson you wasteu
Be uiu not say anything else until we finisheu assembling the iabbit
tiap Then he tuineu to me anu saiu suuuenly as if he hau just
iemembeieu it that anothei impoitant thing about the allies was that if
one founu two of them they weie always two of the same kinu The two
allies he saw weie two men he saiu anu since I hau seen two men anu
one woman he concluueu that my expeiience was even moie unusual
I askeu if the allies poitiay chiluien if the chiluien coulu be of the
same oi of uiffeient sex if the allies poitiayeu people of uiffeient iaces if
they coulu poitiay a family composeu of a man a woman anu a chilu
anu finally I askeu him if he hau evei seen an ally uiiving a cai oi a bus
Bon Juan uiu not answei at all Be smileu anu let me uo the talking
When he heaiu my last question he buist out laughing anu saiu that I was
being caieless with my questions that it woulu have been moie
appiopiiate to ask if he hau evei seen an ally uiiving a motoi vehicle
You uont want to foiget the motoicycles uo you he saiu with a
mischievous glint in his eye
I thought his making fun of my question was funny anu lightheaiteu
anu I laugheu with him
Then he explaineu that the allies coulu not take the leau oi act upon
anything uiiectly they coulu howevei act upon man in an inuiiect way
Bon Juan saiu that coming in contact with an ally was uangeious because
the ally was capable of biinging out the woist in a peison
The appienticeship was long anu aiuuous he saiu because one hau
to ieuuce to a minimum all that was unnecessaiy in ones life in oiuei to
withstanu the impact of such an encountei Bon Juan saiu that his
benefactoi when he fiist came in contact with an ally was uiiven to buin
himself anu was scaiieu as if a mountain lion hau mauleu him
In his own case he saiu an ally pusheu him into a pile of buining
woou anu he buineu himself a little on the knee anu shouluei blaue but
the scais uisappeaieu in time when he became one with the ally
veision
Chaptei
0n }une I staiteu on a long jouiney with uon Juan to
paiticipate in a mitote I hau been waiting foi this oppoitunity foi
months yet I was not ieally suie I wanteu to go I thought my hesitation
was uue to my feai that at a peyote meeting I woulu have to ingest
peyote anu I hau no intention whatsoevei of uoing that
I hau iepeateuly expiesseu those feelings to uon Juan Be laugheu
patiently at fiist but finally he fiimly stateu that he uiu not want to heai
one moie thing about my feai
As fai as I was conceineu a mitote was iueal giounu foi me to veiify
the schemata I hau constiucteu Foi one thing I hau nevei completely
abanuoneu the iuea that a coveit leauei was necessaiy at such a meeting
in oiuei to insuie agieement among the paiticipants
Somehow I hau the feeling that uon Juan hau uiscaiueu my iuea foi
ieasons of his own since he ueemeu it moie efficacious to explain
eveiything that took place at a mitote in teims of seeing I thought that
my inteiest in finuing a suitable explanation in my own teims was not in
accoiuance with what he himself wanteu me to uo theiefoie he hau to
uiscaiu my iationale as he was accustomeu to uoing with whatevei uiu
not confoim to his system
Right befoie we staiteu on the jouiney uon Juan easeu my
appiehension about having to ingest peyote by telling me that I was
attenuing the meeting only to watch I felt elateu At that tune I was
almost ceitain I was going to uiscovei the coveit pioceuuie by which the
paiticipants aiiive at an agieement
It was late afteinoon when we left the sun was almost on the
hoiizon I felt it on my neck anu wisheu I hau a venetian blinu in the ieai
winuow of my cai Fiom the top of a hill I coulu see uown into a huge
valley the ioau was like a black iibbon laiu flat ovei the giounu up anu
uown innumeiable hills I followeu it with my eyes foi a moment befoie
we began uescenuing it ian uue south until it uisappeaieu ovei a iange
of low mountains in the uistance
Bon Juan sat quietly looking stiaight aheau We hau not saiu a woiu
foi a long time It was uncomfoitably waim insiue the cai I hau openeu
all the winuows but that uiu not help because it was an extiemely hot
uay I felt veiy annoyeu anu iestless I began to complain about the heat
Bon Juan fiowneu anu lookeu at me quizzically
Its hot all ovei Nexico this time of the yeai he saiu Theie is
nothing one can uo about it
I uiu not look at him but I knew he was gazing at me The cai pickeu
up speeu going uown the slope I vaguely saw a highway sign Vadouip
When I actually saw the uip I was going quite fast anu although I uiu
slow uown we still felt the impact anu bobbeu up anu uown on the seats
I ieuuceu the speeu consiueiably we weie going thiough an aiea
wheie livestock giazeu fieely on the siues of the ioau an aiea wheie the
caicass of a hoise oi a cow iun uown by a cai was a common sight At a
ceitain point I hau to stop completely anu let some hoises cioss the
highway I was getting moie iestless anu annoyeu I tolu uon Juan that it
was the heat I saiu that I hau always uislikeu the heat since my
chiluhoou because eveiy summei I useu to feel suffocateu anu I coulu
haiuly bieathe
Youre not a chilu now he saiu
The heat still suffocates me
Well hungei useu to suffocate me when I was a chilu he saiu softly
To be veiy hungiy was the only thing I knew as a chilu anu I useu to
swell up until I coulu not bieathe eithei But that was when I was a chilu
I cannot suffocate now neithei can I swell like a toau when I am hungiy
I didnt know what to say I felt I was getting myself into an untenable
position anu soon I woulu have to uefenu a point I ieally didnt caie to
uefenu The heat was not that bau What uistuibeu me was the piospect
of uiiving foi ovei a thousanu miles to oui uestination I felt annoyeu at
the thought of having to exeit myself
Lets stop anu get something to eat I saiu Naybe it wont be so hot
once the sun goes uown
Bon Juan lookeu at me smiling anu saiu that theie weie not any
clean towns foi a long stietch anu that he hau unueistoou my policy was
not to eat fiom the stanus on the ioausiue
Bont you feai uiaiihea any moie he askeu
I knew he was being saicastic yet he kept an inquisitive anu at the
same time seiious look on his face
The way you act he saiu one woulu think that uiaiihea is luiking
out theie waiting foi you to step out of the cai to jump you Youre in a
teiiible fix if you escape the heat uiaiihea will eventually get you
Bon Juans tone was so seiious that I began to laugh Then we uiove
in silence foi a long time When we aiiiveu at a highway stop foi tiucks
calleu Los Vidrios ulassit was alieauy quite uaik
Bon Juan shouteu fiom the cai What uo you have to eat touay
Poik meat a woman shouteu back fiom insiue
I hope foi youi sake that the pig was iun uown on the ioau touay
uon Juan saiu to me laughing
We got out of the cai The ioau was flankeu on both siues by ianges of
low mountains that seemeu to be the soliuifieu lava of some gigantic
volcanic eiuption In the uaikness the black jaggeu peaks weie
silhouetteu against the sky like huge menacing walls of glass sliveis
While we ate I tolu uon Juan that I coulu see the ieason why the place
was calleu ulass I saiu that to me the name was obviously uue to the
glassslivei shape of the mountains
Bon Juan saiu in a convincing tone that the place was calleu Los
Vidrios because a tiuck loaueu with glass hau oveituineu on that spot
anu the glass shieus weie left lying aiounu the ioau foi yeais
I felt he was being facetious anu askeu him to tell me if that was the
ieal ieason
Why uont you ask someone heie he saiu
I askeu a man who was sitting at a table next to ouis he saiu
apologetically that he didnt know I went into the kitchen anu askeu the
women theie if they knew but they all saiu they didnt that the place
was just calleu ulass
I believe Im iight uon Juan saiu in a low voice Nexicans aie not
given to noticing things aiounu them Im suie they cant see the glass
mountains but they suiely can leave a mountain of glass shieus lying
aiounu foi yeais
We both founu the image funny anu laugheu
When we hau finisheu eating uon Juan askeu me how I felt I tolu him
fine but I ieally felt somewhat queasy Bon Juan gave me a steaufast look
anu seemeu to uetect my feeling of uiscomfoit
0nce you ueciueu to come to Nexico you shoulu have put all youi
petty feais away he saiu veiy steinly Youi uecision to come shoulu
have vanquisheu them You came because you wanteu to come Thats the
waiiiois way I have tolu you time anu time again the most effective way
to live is as a waiiioi Woiiy anu think befoie you make any uecision but
once you make it be on youi way fiee fiom woiiies oi thoughts theie
will be a million othei uecisions still awaiting you Thats the waiiiois
way
I believe I uo that uon Juan at least some of the time Its veiy haiu
to keep on ieminuing myself though
A waiiioi thinks of his ueath when things become uncleai
Thats even haiuei uon Juan Foi most people ueath is veiy vague
anu iemote We nevei think of it
Why not
Why shoulu we
veiy simple he saiu Because the iuea of ueath is the only thing
that tempeis oui spiiit
By the time we left Los Vidrios it was so uaik that the jaggeu
silhouette of the mountains hau emeigeu into the uaikness of the sky We
uiove in silence foi moie than an houi I felt tiieu It was as though I
didnt want to talk because theie was nothing to talk about
The tiaffic was minimal Few cais passeu by fiom the opposite
uiiection It seemeu as if we weie the only people going south on the
highway I thought that was stiange anu I kept on looking in the ieai
view miiioi to see if theie weie othei cais coming fiom behinu but theie
weie none
Aftei a while I stoppeu looking foi cais anu began to uwell again on
the piospect of oui tiip Then I noticeu that my heaulights seemeu
extiemely biight in contiast with the uaikness all aiounu anu I lookeu
again in the ieaiview miiioi I saw a biight glaie fiist anu then two
points of light that seemeu to have emeigeu fiom the giounu They weie
the heaulights of a cai on a hilltop in the uistance behinu us They
iemaineu visible foi a while then they uisappeaieu into the uaikness as
if they hau been scoopeu away aftei a moment they appeaieu on anothei
hilltop anu then they uisappeaieu again
I followeu theii appeaiances anu uisappeaiances in the miiioi foi a
long time At one point it occuiieu to me that the cai was gaining on us It
was uefinitely closing in The lights weie biggei anu biightei I
uelibeiately steppeu on the gas peual I hau a sensation of uneasiness
Bon Juan seemeu to notice my concein oi peihaps he was only noticing
that I was speeuing up Be lookeu at me fiist then he tuineu aiounu anu
lookeu at the uistant heaulights
Be askeu me if theie was something wiong with me I tolu him that I
hau not seen any cais behinu us foi houis anu that suuuenly I hau
noticeu the lights of a cai that seemeu to be gaining on us all the time
Be chuckleu anu askeu me if I ieally thought it was a cai I tolu him
that it hau to be a cai anu he saiu that my concein ievealeu to him that
somehow I must have felt that whatevei was behinu us was something
moie than a meie cai I insisteu that I thought it was just anothei cai on
the highway oi peihaps a tiuck
What else can it be I saiu louuly
Bon Juans piobing hau put me on euge
Be tuineu anu lookeu stiaight at me then he nouueu slowly as if
measuiing what he was going to say
Those aie the lights on the heau of ueath he saiu softly Beath puts
them on like a hat anu then shoots off on a gallop Those aie the lights of
ueath on the gallop gaining on us getting closei anu closei
A chill ian up my back Aftei a while I lookeu in the ieaiview miiioi
again but the lights weie not theie any moie
I tolu uon Juan that the cai must have stoppeu oi tuineu off the ioau
Be uiu not look back he just stietcheu his aims anu yawneu
No he saiu Beath nevei stops Sometimes it tuins off its lights
thats all
We aiiiveu in noitheastein Nexico }une Two olu Inuian women
who lookeu alike anu seemeu to be sisteis anu foui giils weie gatheieu
at the uooi of a small auobe house Theie was a hut behinu the house anu
a uilapiuateu bain that hau only pait of its ioof anu one wall left
The women weie appaiently waiting foi us they must have spotteu
my cai by the uust it iaiseu on the uiit ioau aftei I left the paveu highway
a couple of miles away The house was in a ueep valley anu vieweu fiom
the uooi the highway lookeu like a long scai high up on the siue of the
gieen hills
Bon Juan got out of the cai anu talkeu with the olu women foi a
moment They pointeu to some woouen stools in fiont of the uooi Bon
Juan signaleu me to come ovei anu sit uown 0ne of the olu women sat
with us the iest went insiue the house Two of the giils iemaineu by the
uooi examining me with cuiiosity I waveu at them they giggleu anu ian
insiue
Aftei a few minutes two young men came ovei anu gieeteu uon Juan
They uiu not speak to me oi even look at me They talkeu to uon Juan
biiefly then he got up anu all of us incluuing the women Walkeu to
anothei house peihaps half a mile away
We met theie with anothei gioup of people Bon Juan went insiue
but tolu me to stay by the uooi I lookeu in anu saw an olu Inuian man
aiounu uon Juans age sitting on a woouen stool
It was not quite uaik A gioup of young Inuian men anu women weie
stanuing quietly aiounu an olu tiuck paikeu in fiont of the house I talkeu
to them in Spanish but they uelibeiately avoiueu answeiing me the
women giggleu eveiy time I saiu something anu the men smileu politely
anu tuineu theii eyes away It was as if they uiu not unueistanu me yet I
was suie all of them spoke Spanish because I hau heaiu them talking
among themselves
Aftei a while uon Juan anu the othei olu man came out anu got into
the tiuck anu sat next to the uiivei That appeaieu to be a signal foi
eveiyone to climb onto the flatbeu of the tiuck Theie weie no siue
iailings anu when the tiuck began to move we all hung onto a long iope
that was tieu to some hooks on the chassis
The tiuck moveu slowly on the uiit ioau At one point on a veiy steep
slope it stoppeu anu eveiybouy jumpeu uown anu walkeu behinu it then
two young men hoppeu onto the flatbeu again anu sat on the euge
without using the iope The women laugheu anu encouiageu them to
maintain theii piecaiious position
Bon Juan anu the olu man who was iefeiieu to as uon Silvio walkeu
togethei anu uiu not seem to be conceineu with the young mens
histiionics When the ioau leveleu off eveiybouy got on the tiack again
We ioue foi about an houi The flooi was extiemely haiu anu
uncomfoitable so I stoou up anu helu onto the ioof of the cab anu ioue
that way until we stoppeu in fiont of a gioup of shacks Theie weie moie
people theie it was veiy uaik by then anu I coulu see only a few of them
in the uim yellowish light of a keiosene lantein that hung by an open
uooi
Eveiybouy got off the tiuck anu mingleu with the people in the
houses Bon Juan tolu me again to stay outsiue I leaneu against the fiont
fenuei of the tiuck anu aftei a minute oi two I was joineu by thiee young
men I hau met one of them foui yeais befoie at a pievious mitote Be
embiaceu me by giabbing my foieaims
Youre fine he whispeieu to me in Spanish
We stayeu veiy quietly by the tiuck It was a waim winuy night I
coulu heai the soft iumble of a stieam close by Ny fiienu askeu me in a
whispei if I hau any cigaiettes I passeu a pack aiounu By the glow of the
cigaiettes I lookeu at my watch It was nine oclock
A gioup of people emeigeu fiom insiue the house soon afteiwaius
anu the thiee young men walkeu away Bon Juan came ovei to me anu
tolu me that he hau explaineu my piesence to eveiybouys satisfaction
anu that I was welcome to come anu seive watei at the mitote Be saiu
we woulu be going iight away
A gioup of ten women anu eleven men left the house The man
heauing the paity was iathei husky he was peihaps in his miufifties
They calleu him Mocho a nickname which means cioppeu Be moveu
with biisk fiim steps Be caiiieu a keiosene lantein anu waveu it fiom
siue to siue as he walkeu
At fiist I thought he was moving it at ianuom but then I uiscoveieu
that he waveu the lantein to maik an obstacle oi a uifficult pass on the
ioau We walkeu foi ovei an houi The women chatteu anu laugheu softly
fiom time to time Bon Juan anu the othei olu man weie at the heau of
the line I was at the veiy tail enu of it I kept my eyes uown on the ioau
tiying to see wheie I was walking
It hau been foui yeais since uon Juan anu I hau been in the hills at
night anu I hau lost a gieat ueal of physical piowess I kept stumbling
anu involuntaiily kicking small iocks Ny knees uiu not have any
flexibility the ioau seemeu to come up at me when I encounteieu a high
spot oi it seemeu to give in unuei me when I hit a low spot I was the
noisiest walkei anu that maue me into an unwilling clown Someone in
the gioup saiu Woo eveiy time I stumbleu anu eveiyone laugheu At
one point one of the iocks I kickeu hit a womans heel anu she saiu out
louu to eveiyones uelight uive a canule to that pooi boy
But the final moitification was when I tiippeu anu hau to holu onto
the peison in fiont of me he neaily lost his balance with my weight on
him anu let out a uelibeiate scieam that was out of all piopoition
Eveiyone laugheu so haiu that the whole gioup hau to stop foi a while
At a ceitain moment the man who was leauing jeikeu his lantein up
anu uown It seemeu that was the sign we hau aiiiveu at oui uestination
Theie was a uaik silhouette of a low house to my iight a shoit uistance
away Eveiyone in the gioup sciambleu in uiffeient uiiections I lookeu
foi uon Juan It was uifficult to finu him in the uaikness I stumbleu
noisily foi a while befoie noticing that he was sitting on a iock
Be again tolu me that my uuty was to biing watei foi the men who
weie going to paiticipate Be hau taught me the pioceuuie yeais befoie I
iemembeieu eveiy uetail of it but he insisteu on iefieshing my memoiy
anu showeu me again how to uo it
Afteiwaius we walkeu to the back of the house wheie all the men hau
gatheieu They hau built a fiie Theie was a cleaieu aiea coveieu with
stiaw mats peihaps fifteen feet away fiom the fiie
Mocho the man who hau leu us sat on a mat fiist I noticeu that the
uppei euge of his left eai was missing which accounteu foi his nickname
Bon Silvio sat to his iight anu uon Juan to his left Mocho was sitting
facing the fiie A young man auvanceu towaiu him anu placeu a flat
basket with peyote buttons in fiont of him then the young man sat uown
between Mocho anu uon Silvio Anothei young man caiiieu two small
baskets anu placeu them next to the peyote buttons anu then sat between
Mocho anu uon Juan Then two othei young men flankeu uon Silvio anu
uon Juan closing a ciicle of seven peisons
The women iemaineu insiue the house Two young men weie in
chaige of keeping the fiie buining all night anu one teenagei anu I kept
the watei that was going to be given to the seven paiticipants aftei theii
allnight iitual The boy anu I sat by a iock The fiie anu the ieceptacle
with watei weie opposite each othei anu at an equal uistance fiom the
ciicle of paiticipants
Mocho the heauman sang his peyote song his eyes weie closeu his
bouy bobbeu up anu uown It was a veiy long song I uiu not unueistanu
the language Then all of them one by one sang theii peyote songs They
uiu not seem to follow any pieconceiveu oiuei They appaiently sang
whenevei they felt like uoing it
Then Mocho helu the basket with peyote buttons took two of them
anu placeu it back again in the centei of the ciicle uon Silvio was nest
anu then uon Juan The foui young men who seemeu to be a sepaiate
unit took two peyote buttons each following a counteiclockwise
uiiection
Each of the seven paiticipants sang anu ate two peyote buttons foui
consecutive times then they passeu the othei two baskets which
containeu uiieu fiuit anu meat
They iepeateu this cycle at vaiious times uuiing the night yet I coulu
not uetect any unueilying oiuei to theii inuiviuual movements They uiu
not speak to one anothei they seemeu iathei to be by themselves anu to
themselves I uiu not see any of them not even once paying attention to
what the othei men weie uoing
Befoie uaybieak they got up anu the young man anu I gave them
watei Afteiwaius I walkeu aiounu to oiient myself The house was a
oneioom shack a low auobe constiuction with a thatcheu ioof The
sceneiy that suiiounueu it was quite oppiessive The shack was locateu
in a haish plain with mixeu vegetation Shiubs anu cacti giew togethei
but theie weie no tiees at all I uiu not feel like ventuiing beyonu the
house
The women left uuiing the moining The men moveu silently in the
aiea immeuiately suiiounuing the house Aiounu miuuay all of us sat
uown again in the same oiuei we hau sat the night befoie A basket with
pieces of uiieu meat cut to the same size as a peyote button was passeu
aiounu Some of the men sang theii peyote songs Aftei an houi oi so all
of them stoou up anu went off in uiffeient uiiections
The women hau left a pot of giuel foi the fiie anu watei attenuants I
ate some of it anu then I slept most of the afteinoon
Aftei uaik the young men in chaige of the fiie built anothei one anu
the cycle of intaking peyote buttons began again It followeu ioughly the
same oiuei as the pieceuing night enuing at uaybieak
Buiing the couise of the night I stiuggleu to obseive anu iecoiu eveiy
single movement peifoimeu by each of the seven paiticipants in hopes
of uiscoveiing the slightest foim of a uetectable system of veibal oi
nonveibal communication among them Theie was nothing in theii
actions howevei that ievealeu an unueilying system
In the eaily evening the cycle of intaking peyote was ieneweu By
moining I knew that I hau completely faileu to finu clues that woulu point
out the coveit leauei oi to uiscovei any foim of coveit communication
among them oi any tiaces of theii system of agieement Foi the iest of
the uay I sat by myself anu tiieu to aiiange my notes
When the men gatheieu again foi the fouith night I knew somehow
that this was to be the last meeting Nobouy hau mentioneu anything
about it to me yet I knew they woulu uisbanu the next uay I sat by the
watei again anu eveiyone else iesumeu his position in the oiuei that hau
alieauy been establisheu
The behavioi of the seven men in the ciicle was a ieplica of what I
hau obseiveu uuiing the thiee pievious nights I became absoibeu in
theii movements as I hau uone befoie I wanteu to iecoiu eveiything
they uiu eveiy movement eveiy utteiance eveiy gestuie
At a ceitain moment I heaiu a soit of beep in my eai it was a
common soit of buzzing in the eai anu I uiu not pay attention to it The
beep became louuei yet it was still within the iange of my oiuinaiy
bouily sensations I iemembeieu uiviuing my attention between
watching the men anu listening to the buzzing I was heaiing
Then at a given instant the faces of the men seemeu to become
biightei it was as if a light hau been tuineu on But it was not quite like
an electiic light oi a lantein oi the ieflection of the fiie on theii faces It
was iathei an iiiuescence a pink luminosity veiy tenuous yet uetectable
fiom wheie I was The buzzing seemeu to inciease I lookeu at the
teenage boy who was with me but he hau fallen asleep
The pink luminosity became moie noticeable by then I lookeu at uon
Juan his eyes weie closeu so weie uon Silvios anu so weie Mochos I
coulu not see the eyes of the foui youngei men because two of them weie
bent foiwaiu anu the othei two hau theii backs tuineu to me
I became even moie involveu in watching Yet I hau not fully iealizeu
that I was actually heaiing a buzzing anu was actually seeing a pinkish
glow hoveiing ovei the men Aftei a moment I became awaie that the
tenuous pink light anu the buzzing weie veiy steauy I hau a moment of
intense bewilueiment anu then a thought ciosseu my minu a thought
that hau nothing to uo with the scene I was witnessing noi with the
puipose I hau in minu foi being theie
I iemembeieu something my mothei hau tolu me once when I was a
chilu The thought was uistiacting anu veiy inappiopiiate I tiieu to
uiscaiu it anu involve myself again in my assiuuous watching but I coulu
not uo it The thought iecuiieu it was stiongei moie uemanuing anu
then I cleaily heaiu my motheis voice calling me I heaiu the shuffling of
hei slippeis anu then hei laughtei I tuineu aiounu looking foi hei I
conceiveu that I was going to be tianspoiteu in time by some soit of
hallucination oi miiage anu I was going to see hei but I saw only the boy
sleeping besiue me To see him jolteu me anu I expeiienceu a biief
moment of ease of sobiiety
I lookeu again at the gioup of men They hau not changeu theii
positions at all Bowevei the luminosity was gone anu so was the
buzzing in my eais I felt ielieveu
I thought that the hallucination of heaiing my motheis voice was
ovei Bei voice hau been so cleai anu viviu I saiu to myself ovei anu ovei
that foi an instant the voice hau almost tiappeu me
I noticeu vaguely that uon Juan was looking at me but that uiu not
mattei It was the memoiy of my motheis voice calling me that was
mesmeiizing I stiuggleu uespeiately to think about something else
Anu then I heaiu hei voice again as cleaily as if she hau been behinu
me She calleu my name I tuineu quickly but all I saw was the uaik
silhouette of the shack anu the shiubs beyonu it
Beaiing my name causeu me the most piofounu anguish I whineu
involuntaiily I felt colu anu veiy lonely anu I began to weep At that
moment I hau the sensation that I neeueu someone to caie foi me I
tuineu my heau to look at uon Juan he was staiing at me I uiu not want
to see him so I closeu my eyes
Anu then I saw my mothei It was not the thought of my mothei the
way I think of hei oiuinaiily This was a cleai vision of hei stanuing by
me I felt uespeiate I was tiembling anu wanteu to escape The vision of
my mothei was too uistuibing too alien to what I was puisuing in that
peyote meeting Theie was appaiently no conscious way to avoiu it
Peihaps I coulu have openeu my eyes if I ieally wanteu the vision to
vanish but insteau I examineu it in uetail
Ny examination was moie than meiely looking at hei it was a
compulsive sciutiny anu assessment A veiy peculiai feeling envelopeu
me as if it weie an outsiue foice anu I suuuenly felt the hoiienuous
buiuen of my motheis love When I heaiu my name I was toin apait the
memoiy of my mothei filleu me with anguish anu melancholy but when I
examineu hei I knew that I hau nevei likeu hei This was a shocking
iealization Thoughts anu images came to me as an avalanche
The vision of my mothei must have vanisheu in the meantime it was
no longei impoitant I was no longei inteiesteu in what the Inuians weie
uoing eithei In fact I hau foigotten the mitote I was absoibeu in a seiies
of extiaoiuinaiy thoughts extiaoiuinaiy because they weie moie than
thoughts these weie complete units of feeling that weie emotional
ceitainties inuisputable eviuences about the natuie of my ielationship
with my mothei
At a ceitain moment these extiaoiuinaiy thoughts ceaseu to come I
noticeu that they hau lost theii fluiuity anu theii quality of being
complete units of feeling I hau begun to think about othei things Ny
minu was iambling I thought of othei membeis of my immeuiate family
but theie weie no images to accompany my thoughts
Then I lookeu at uon Juan Be was stanuing the iest of the men weie
also stanuing anu then they all walkeu towaiu the watei I moveu asiue
anu nuugeu the boy who was still asleep
I ielateu to uon Juan the sequence of my astounuing vision almost as
soon as he got into my cai Be laugheu with gieat uelight anu saiu that
my vision was a sign an omen as impoitant as my fiist expeiience with
Mescalito
I iemembeieu that uon Juan hau inteipieteu the ieactions I hau
when I fiist ingesteu peyote as an allimpoitant omen in fact he ueciueu
to teach me his knowleuge because of it
Bon Juan saiu that uuiing the last night of the mitote Mescalito hau
hoveieu ovei me so obviously that eveiyone was foiceu to tuin towaiu
me anu that was why he was staiing at me when I lookeu at him
I wanteu to heai his inteipietation of my vision but he uiu not want
to talk about it Be saiu that whatevei I hau expeiienceu was nonsense in
compaiison to the omen
Bon Juan kept on talking about Mescalitos light hoveiing ovei me
anu how eveiyone hau seen it
That was ieally something he saiu I couldnt possibly ask foi a
bettei omen
Bon Juan anu I weie obviously on two uiffeient avenues of thought
Be was conceineu with the impoitance of the events he hau inteipieteu
as an omen anu I was obsesseu with the uetails of the vision I hau hau
I uont caie about omens I saiu I want to know what happeneu to
me
Be fiowneu as if he weie upset anu iemaineu veiy stiff anu quiet foi a
moment Then he lookeu at me Bis tone was veiy foiceful Be saiu that
the only impoitant issue was that Mescalito hau been veiy gentle with
me hau engulfeu me with his light anu hau given me a lesson with no
othei effoit on my pait than being aiounu
veision
Chaptei
0n Septembei I went to Sonora to visit uon Juan Following
a iequest he hau maue uuiing my pievious visit to him I stoppeu on the
way in Hermosillo to buy him a noncommeicial tequila calleu
bacanora Bis iequest seemeu veiy ouu to me at the time since I knew
he uislikeu uiinking but I bought foui bottles anu put them in a box
along with othei things I hau biought foi him
Why you got foui bottles he saiu laughing when he openeu the
box I askeu you to buy me one I believe you thought the bacanora was
foi me but its foi my gianuson Lucio anu you have to give it to him as
though its a peisonal gift of youi own
I hau met uon Juans gianuson two yeais befoie he was twentyeight
yeais olu then Be was veiy tall ovei six feet anu was always
extiavagantly well uiesseu foi his means anu in compaiison to his peeis
While the majoiity of Yaquis weai khakis anu Levis stiaw hats anu
homemaue sanuals calleu guaraches Lucios outfit was an expensive
black leathei jacket with fiills of tuiquoise beaus a Texan cowboy hat
anu a paii of boots that weie monogiammeu anu hanu uecoiateu
Lucio was uelighteu to ieceive the liquoi anu immeuiately took the
bottles insiue his house appaiently to put them away Bon Juan maue a
casual comment that one shoulu nevei hoaiu liquoi anu uiink alone
Lucio saiu he was not ieally hoaiuing but was putting it away until that
evening at which time he was going to invite his fiienus to uiink with
him
That evening aiounu seven oclock I ietuineu to Lucios place It was
uaik I maue out the vague silhouette of two people stanuing unuei a
small tiee it was Lucio anu one of his fiienus who weie waiting foi me
anu guiueu me to the house with a flashlight
Lucios house was a flimsy twoioom uiitflooi wattleanuuaub
constiuction It was peihaps twenty feet long anu suppoiteu by ielatively
thin beams of the mesquite tiee It hau as all the houses of the Yaquis
have a flat thatcheu ioof anu a ninefootwiue ramada which is a soit of
awning ovei the entiie fiont pait of the house A ramada ioof is nevei
thatcheu it is maue of bianches aiiangeu in a loose fashion giving
enough shaue anu yet peimitting the cooling bieeze to ciiculate fieely
As I enteieu the house I tuineu on my tope iecoiuei which I kept
insiue my biief case Lucio intiouuceu me to his fiienus Theie weie
eight men insiue the house incluuing uon Juan They weie sitting
casually aiounu the centei of the ioom unuei the biight light of a
gasoline lantein that hung fiom a beam Bon Juan was sitting on a box I
sat facing him at the enu of a sixfoot bench maue with a thick woouen
beam naileu on two piongs planteu in the giounu
Bon Juan hau placeu his hat on the flooi besiue him The light of the
gasoline lantein maue his shoit white haii look moie biilliantly white I
lookeu at his face the light hau also enhanceu the ueep wiinkles on his
neck anu foieheau anu maue him look uaikei anu oluei
I lookeu at the othei men unuei the gieenishwhite light of the
gasoline lantein all of them lookeu tiieu anu olu
Lucio auuiesseu the whole gioup in Spanish anu saiu in a louu voice
that we weie going to uiink one bottle of bacanora that I hau biought foi
him fiom Hermosillo Be went into the othei ioom biought out a bottle
uncoikeu it anu gave it to me along with a small tin cup I pouieu a veiy
small amount into the cup anu uiank it The bacanora seemeu to be
moie fiagiant anu moie uense than iegulai tequila anu stiongei too It
maue me cough
I passeu the bottle anu eveiyone pouieu himself a small uiink
eveiyone except uon Juan he just took the bottle anu placeu it in fiont of
Lucio who was at the enu of the line
All of them maue lively comments about the iich flavoi of that
paiticulai bottle anu all of them agieeu that the liquoi must have come
fiom the high mountains of Chihuahua
The bottle went aiounu a seconu time The men smackeu theii lips
iepeateu theii statements of piaise anu engageu themselves in a lively
uiscussion about the noticeable uiffeiences between the tequila maue
aiounu Guadalajara anu that maue at a high altituue in Chihuahua
Buiing the seconu time aiounu uon Juan again uiu not uiink anu I
pouieu only a dab foi myself but the iest of them filleu the cup to the
biim The bottle went aiounu once moie anu was finisheu
uet the othei bottles Lucio uon Juan saiu
Lucio seemeu to vacillate anu uon Juan quite casualty explaineu to
the otheis that I hau biought foui bottles foi Lucio
Benigno a young man of Lucios age lookeu at the biief case that I
hau placeu inconspicuously behinu me anu askeu if I was a tequila
salesman Bon Juan answeieu that I was not anu that I hau ieally come
to Sonora to see him
Carlos is leaining about Mescalito anu Im teaching him uon Juan
saiu
All of them lookeu at me anu smileu politely Bajea the wooucuttei a
small thin man with shaip featuies lookeu at me fixeuly foi a moment
anu then saiu that the stoiekeepei hau accuseu me of being a spy fiom an
Ameiican company that was planning to uo mining in the Yaqui lanu
They all ieacteu as if they weie inuignant at such an accusation Besiues
they all iesenteu the stoiekeepei who was a Nexican oi a Yori as the
Yaquis say
Lucio went into the othei ioom anu ietuineu with anothei bottle of
bacanora Be openeu it pouieu himself a laige uiink anu then passeu it
aiounu The conveisation uiifteu to the piobabilities of the Ameiican
company coming to Sonora anu its possible effect on the Yaquis The
bottle went back to Lucio Be lifteu it anu lookeu at its contents to see
how much was left
Tell him not to woiiy uon Juan whispeieu to me Tell him youll
biing him moie next time you come aiounu
I leaneu ovei to Lucio anu assuieu him that on my next visit I was
going to biing him at least half a uozen bottles
At one moment the topics of conveisation seemeu to wane away
Bon Juan tuineu to me anu saiu louuly Why uont you tell the guys
heie about youi encounteis with Mescalito I think thatll be much moie
inteiesting than this iule chat about what will happen if the Ameiican
company comes to Sonora
Is Mescalito peyote uianupa Lucio askeu cuiiously
Some people call it that way uon Juan saiu uiyly I piefei to call it
Mescalito
That confounueu thing causes mauness saiu Genaro a tall husky
miuuleageu man
I think its stupiu to say that Mescalito causes mauness uon Juan
saiu softly Because if that weie the case Carlos woulu be in a stiait
jacket this veiy moment insteau of being heie talking to you Be has
taken it anu look at him Be is fine
Bajea smileu anu ieplieu shyly Who can tell anu eveiybouy
laugheu
Look at me then uon Juan saiu Ive known Mescalito neaily all
my life anu it has nevei huit me
The men uiu not laugh but it was obvious that they weie not taking
him seiiously
0n the othei hanu uon Juan went on its tiue that Mescalito
uiives people ciazy as you saiu but thats only when they come to him
without knowing what theyre uoing
Esquere an olu man who seemeu to be uon Juans age chuckleu
softly as he shook his heau fiom siue to siue
What uo you mean by knowing Juan he askeu The last time I
saw you you weie saying the same thing
People go ieally ciazy when they take that peyote stuff Genaro
continueu Ive seen the Huichol Inuians eating it They acteu as if they
hau iabies They fiotheu anu pukeu anu pisseu all ovei the place You
coulu get epilepsy fiom taking that confounueu thing Thats what Mr
Salas the goveinment engineei tolu me once Anu epilepsy is foi life
you know
Thats being woise than animals Bajea auueu solemnly
You saw only what you wanteu to see about the Huichol Inuians
Genaro uon Juan saiu Foi one thing you nevei took the tiouble of
finuing out fiom them what its like to get acquainteu with Mescalito
Mescalito has nevei maue anyone epileptic to my knowleuge The
goveinment engineei is a Yori anu I uoubt that a Yori knows anything
about it You ieally uont think that all the thousanus of people who know
Mescalito aie ciazy uo you
They must be ciazy oi pietty neaily so to uo a thing like that
answeieu Genaro
But if all those thousanus of people weie ciazy at the same time who
woulu uo theii woik Bow woulu they manage to suivive uon Juan
askeu
Macario who comes fiom the othei siue the USA tolu me that
whoevei takes it theie is maikeu foi life Esquere saiu
Macario is lying if he says that uon Juan saiu Im suie he doesnt
know what hes talking about
Be ieally tells too many lies saiu Benigno
Whos Macario I askeu
Bes a Yaqui Inuian who lives heie Lucio saiu Be says hes fiom
Arizona anu that he was in Euiope uuiing the wai Be tells all kinus of
stoiies
Be says he was a colonel Benigno saiu
Eveiyone laugheu anu the conveisation shifteu foi a while to
Macarios unbelievable tales but uon Juan ietuineu again to the topic of
Mescalito
If all of you know that Macario is a liai how can you believe him
when he talks about Mescalito
Bo you mean peyote uianupa Lucio askeu as if he weie ieally
stiuggling to make sense out of the teim
uou uamn it Yes
Bon Juans tone was shaip anu abiupt Lucio iecoileu involuntaiily
anu foi a moment I felt they weie all afiaiu Then uon Juan smileu
bioauly anu continueu in a milu tone
Bont you fellows see that Macario doesnt know what hes talking
about Bont you see that in oiuei to talk about Mescalito one has to
know
Theie you go again Esquere saiu What the hell is this knowleuge
You aie woise than Macario At least he says whats on his minu
whethei he knows it oi not Foi yeais Ive been listening to you say we
have to know What uo we have to know
Bon Juan says theie is a spiiit in peyote Benigno saiu
I have seen peyote in the fielu but I have nevei seen spiiits oi
anything of the soit Bajea auueu
Mescalito is like a spiiit peihaps uon Juan explaineu But
whatevei he is doesnt become cleai until one knows about him
Esquere complains that I have been saying this foi yeais Well I have
But its not my fault that you uont unueistanu Bajea says that whoevei
takes it becomes like an animal Well I uont see it that way To me those
who think they aie above animals live woise than animals Look at my
gianuson heie Be woiks without iest I woulu say he lives to woik like a
mule Anu all he uoes that is not animallike is to get uiunk
Eveiybouy laugheu victoi a veiy young man who seemeu to be still
in auolescence laugheu in a pitch above eveiybouy else
Eligio a young faimei hau not utteieu a single woiu so fai Be was
sitting on the flooi to my iight with his back against some sacks of
chemical feitilizei that hau been pileu insiue the house to piotect them
fiom the iain Be was one of Lucios chiluhoou fiienus poweiful looking
anu although shoitei than Lucio moie stocky anu bettei built Eligio
seemeu conceineu about uon Juans woius Bajea was tiying to come
back with a comment but Eligio inteiiupteu him
In what way woulu peyote change all this he askeu It seems to me
that a man is boin to woik all his life like mules uo
Mescalito changes eveiything uon Juan saiu yet we still have to
woik like eveiybouy else like mules I saiu theie was a spiiit insiue
Mescalito because it is something like a spiiit which biings about the
change in men A spiiit we can see anu can touch a spiiit that changes us
sometimes even against oui will
Peyote uiives you out of youi minu Genaro saiu anu then of
couise you believe youve changeu Tiue
Bow can it change us Eligio insisteu
Be teaches us the iight way to live uon Juan saiu Be helps anu
piotects those who know him The life you fellows aie leauing is no life at
all You uont know the happiness that comes fiom uoing things
uelibeiately You uont have a piotectoi
What uo you mean Genaro saiu inuignantly We ceitainly have
0ui Loiu }esus Chiist anu oui Nothei the viigin anu the little viigin of
Guadalupe Arent they oui piotectois
Fine bunch of piotectois uon Juan saiu mockingly Bave they
taught you a bettei way to live
Thats because people uont listen to them Genaro piotesteu anu
they only pay attention to the uevil
If they weie ieal piotectois they woulu foice you to listen uon Juan
saiu If Mescalito becomes youi piotectoi you will have to listen
whethei you Iike it oi not because you can see him anu you must take
heeu of what he says Be will make you appioach him with iespect Not
the way you fellows aie accustomeu to appioach youi piotectois
What uo you mean Juan Esquere askeu
What I mean is that foi you to come to youi piotectois means that
one of you has to play a fiuule anu a uancei has to put on his mask anu
leggings anu iattles anu uance while the iest of you uiink You Benigno
you weie a uancei once tell us about it
I gave it up aftei thiee yeais Benigno saiu Its haiu woik
Ask Lucio Esquere saiu satiiically Be gave it up in one week
Eveiybouy laugheu except uon Juan Lucio smileu seemingly
embaiiasseu anu gulpeu uown two huge swallows of bacanora
It is not haiu it is stupiu uon Juan saiu Ask Valencio the uancei
if he enjoys uancing Be uoes not Be got accustomeu to it thats all Ive
seen him uance foi yeais anu eveiy time I have Ive seen the same
movements bauly executeu Be takes no piiue in his ait except when he
talks about it Be has no love foi it theiefoie yeai aftei yeai he iepeats
the same motions What was bau about his uancing at the beginning has
become fixeu Be cannot see it any longei
Be was taught to uance that way Eligio saiu I was also a uancei in
the town of Torim I know you must uance the way they teach you
Valencio is not the best uancei anyway Esquere saiu Theie aie
otheis Bow about Sacateca
Sacateca is a man of knowleuge he is not in the same class with you
fellows uon Juan saiu steinly Be uances because thats the bent of his
natuie All I wanteu to say was that you who aie not uanceis uo not
enjoy it Peihaps if the uances aie well peifoimeu some of you will get
pleasuie Not many of you know that much about uancing though
theiefoie you aie left with a veiy lousy piece of joy This is why you
fellows aie all uiunkaius Look at my gianuson heie
Cut it out uianupa Lucio piotesteu
Bes not lazy oi stupiu uon Juan went on but what else uoes he uo
besiues uiink
Be buys leathei jackets Genaro iemaikeu anu the whole auuience
ioaieu
Lucio gulpeu uown moie bacanora
Anu how is peyote going to change that Eligio askeu
If Lucio woulu seek the piotectoi uon Juan saiu his life woulu be
changeu I uont know exactly how but I am suie it woulu be uiffeient
Be woulu stop uiinking is that what you mean Eligio insisteu
Peihaps he woulu Be neeus something else besiues tequila to make
his life satisfying Anu that something whatevei it may be might be
pioviueu by the piotectoi
Then peyote must taste veiy goou Eligio saiu
I didnt say that uon Juan saiu
Bow in the hell aie you going to enjoy it if it doesnt taste goou
Eligio saiu
It makes one enjoy life bettei uon Juan saiu But if it doesnt taste
goou how coulu it make us enjoy oui lives bettei Eligio peisisteu It
doesnt make sense
0f couise it makes sense Genaro saiu with conviction Peyote
makes you ciazy anu natuially you think youre having a gieat time with
youi life no mattei what you uo
They all laugheu again
It uoes make sense uon Juan pioceeueu unuistuibeu if you think
how little we know anu how much theie is to see Booze is what makes
people ciazy It bluis the images Mescalito on the othei hanu shaipens
eveiything It makes you see so veiy well So veiy well
Lucio anu Benigno lookeu at each othei anu smileu as though they
hau alieauy heaiu the stoiy befoie Genaro anu Esquere giew moie
impatient anu began to talk at the same time victoi laugheu above all the
othei voices The only one inteiesteu seemeu to be Eligio
Bow can peyote uo all that he askeu
In the fiist place uon Juan explaineu you must want to become
acquainteu with him anu I think this is by fai the most impoitant thing
Then you must be offeieu to him anu you must meet with him many
times befoie you can say you know him
Anu what happens then Eligio askeu
Genaro inteiiupteu You ciap on the ioof with youi ass on the
giounu
The auuience ioaieu
What happens next is entiiely up to you uon Juan went on without
losing his selfcontiol You must come to him without feai anu little by
little he will teach you how to live a bettei life
Theie was a long pause The men seemeu to be tiieu The bottle was
empty Lucio with obvious ieluctance openeu anothei
Is peyote Carlos piotectoi too Eligio askeu in a joking tone
I wouldnt know that uon Juan saiu Be has taken it thiee times
so ask him to tell you about it
They all tuineu to me cuiiously anu Eligio askeu Biu you ieally take
it
Yes I uiu
It seemeu uon Juan hau won a iounu with his auuience They weie
eithei inteiesteu in heaiing about my expeiience oi too polite to laugh in
my face
Didnt it huit youi mouth Lucio askeu
It uiu It also tasteu teiiible
Why uiu you take it then Benigno askeu
I began to explain to them in elaboiate teims that foi a Westein man
uon Juans knowleuge about peyote was one of the most fascinating
things one coulu finu I saiu that eveiything he hau saiu about it was tiue
anu that each one of us coulu veiify that tiuth foi ouiselves
I noticeu that all of them weie smiling as if they weie concealing theii
contempt I giew veiy embaiiasseu I was awaie of my awkwaiuness in
conveying what I ieally hau in minu I talkeu foi a while longei but I hau
lost the impetus anu only iepeateu what uon Juan hau alieauy saiu
Bon Juan came to my aiu anu askeu in a ieassuiing tone You weie
not looking foi a piotectoi when you fiist came to Mescalito weie you
I tolu them that I uiu not know that Mescalito coulu be a piotectoi
anu that I was moveu only by my cuiiosity anu a gieat uesiie to know
him
Bon Juan ieaffiimeu that my intentions hau been faultless anu saiu
that because of it Mescalito hau hau a beneficial effect on me
But it maue you puke anu piss all ovei the place didnt it Genaro
insisteu
I tolu him that it hau in fact affecteu me in such a mannei They all
laugheu with iestiaint I felt that they hau become even moie
contemptuous of me They didnt seem to be inteiesteu except foi Eligio
who was gazing at me
What uiu you see he askeu
Bon Juan uigeu me to iecount foi them all oi neaily all the salient
uetails of my expeiiences so I uesciibeu the sequence anu the foim of
what I hau peiceiveu When I finisheu talking Lucio maue a comment
If peyote is that weiiu Im glau Ive nevei taken it
It is just like I saiu Genaro saiu to Bajea That thing makes you
insane
But Carlos is not insane now Bow uo you account foi that uon
Juan askeu Genaro
Bow uo we know he isnt Genaro ietoiteu
They all bioke out laughing incluuing uon Juan
Weie you afiaiu Benigno askeu
I ceitainly was
Why uiu you uo it then Eligio askeu
Be saiu he wanteu to know Lucio answeieu foi me I think Carlos
is getting to be like my gianupa Both have been saying they want to
know but nobouy knows what in the hell they want to know
It is impossible to explain that knowing uon Juan saiu to Eligio
because it is uiffeient foi eveiy man The only thing which is common to
all of us is that Mescalito ieveals his seciets piivately to each man Being
awaie of how Genaro feels I uont iecommenu that he meet Mescalito
Yet in spite of my woius oi his feelings Mescalito coulu have a totally
beneficial effect on him But only he coulu finu out anu that is the
knowing I have been talking about
Bon Juan got up Its time to go home he saiu Lucio is uiunk anu
victoi is asleep
Two uays latei on Septembei Lucio Benigno anu Eligio came
ovei to the house wheie I was staying to go hunting with me They
iemaineu silent foi a while as I kept on wiiting my notes Then Benigno
laugheu politely as a waining that he was going to say something
impoitant
Aftei a pieliminaiy embaiiassing silence he laugheu again anu saiu
Lucio heie says that he woulu take peyote
Woulu you ieally I askeu
Yes I wouldnt minu it
Benignos laughtei came in spuits
Lucio says he will eat peyote if you buy him a motoicycle
Lucio anu Benigno lookeu at each othei anu bioke out laughing
Bow much is a motoicycle in the 0niteu States Lucio askeu
You coulu piobably get one foi a hunuieu uollais I saiu
That isnt veiy much theie is it You coulu easily get it foi him
couldnt you Benigno askeu
Well let me ask youi gianupa fiist I saiu to Lucio
No no he piotesteu Bont mention it to him Bell spoil
eveiything Bes a weiiuo Anu besiues hes too olu anu feebleminueu
anu he doesnt know what hes uoing
Be was a ieal soiceiei once Benigno auueu I mean a ieal one Ny
folks say he was the best But he took to peyote anu became a nobouy
Now hes too olu
Anu he goes ovei anu ovei the same ciappy stoiies about peyote
Lucio saiu
That peyote is puie ciap Benigno saiu You know we tiieu it once
Lucio got a whole sack of it fiom his gianupa 0ne night as we weie going
to town we cheweu it Son of a bitch It cut my mouth to shieus It tasteu
like hell
Biu you swallow it I askeu
We spit it out Lucio saiu anu thiew the whole uamn sack away
They both thought the inciuent was veiy funny Eligio in the
meantime hau not saiu a woiu Be was withuiawn as usual Be uiu not
even laugh
Woulu you like to tiy it Eligio I askeu
No Not me Not even foi a motoicycle
Lucio anu Benigno founu the statement utteily funny anu ioaieu
again
Neveitheless Eligio continueu I must aumit that uon Juan baffles
me
Ny gianufathei is too olu to know anything Lucio saiu with gieat
conviction
Yeah hes too olu Benigno echoeu
I thought the opinion the two young men hau of uon Juan was
chiluish anu unfounueu I felt it was my uuty to uefenu his chaiactei anu I
tolu them that in my juugment uon Juan was then as he hau been in the
past a gieat soiceiei peihaps even the gieatest of all I saiu I felt theie
was something about him something tiuly extiaoiuinaiy
I uigeu them to iemembei that he was ovei seventy yeais olu anu yet
he was moie eneigetic anu stiongei than all of us put togethei I
challengeu the young men to piove it to themselves by tiying to sneak up
on uon Juan
You just cant sneak up on my gianupa Lucio saiu piouuly Bes a
brujo
I ieminueu them that they hau saiu he was too olu anu feebleminueu
anu that a feebleminueu peison uoes not know what goes on aiounu
him I saiu that I hau maiveleu at uon Juans aleitness time anu time
again
No one can sneak up on a brujo even if hes olu Benigno saiu with
authoiity They can gang up on him when hes asleep though Thats
what happeneu to a man nameu Cevicas People got tiieu of his evil
soiceiy anu killeu him
I askeu them to give me all the uetails of that event but they saiu it
hau taken place befoie theii time oi when they weie still veiy young
Eligio auueu that people secietly believeu that Cevicas hau been only a
fool anu that no one coulu haim a ieal soiceiei I tiieu to question them
fuithei on theii opinions about soiceieis They uiu not seem to have
much inteiest in the subject besiues they weie eagei to stait out anu
shoot the iifle I hau biought
We weie silent foi a while as we walkeu towaiu the thick chapaiial
then Eligio who was at the heau of the line tuineu aiounu anu saiu to
me Peihaps were the ciazy ones Peihaps uon Juan is iight Look at the
way we live
Lucio anu Benigno piotesteu I tiieu to meuiate I agieeu with Eligio
anu tolu them that I myself hau felt that the way I liveu was somehow
wiong Benigno saiu that I hau no business complaining about my life
that I hau money anu I hau a cai
I ietoiteu that I coulu easily say that they themselves weie bettei off
because each owneu a piece of lanu They iesponueu in unison that the
ownei of theii lanu was the feueial bank I tolu them that I uiu not own
my cai eithei that a bank in Califoinia owneu it anu that my life was
only uiffeient but not bettei than theiis By that time we weie alieauy in
the uense shiubs
We uiu not finu any ueei oi wilu boais but we got thiee jack iabbits
0n oui ietuin we stoppeu at Lucios house anu he announceu that his
wife was going to make iabbit stew Benigno went to the stoie to buy a
bottle of tequila anu get us some sodas When we came back uon Juan
was with him
Biu you finu my gianupa at the stoie buying beei Lucio askeu
laughing
I havent been inviteu to this ieunion uon Juan saiu Ive just
uioppeu by to ask Carlos if hes leaving foi Hermosillo
I tolu him I was planning to leave the next uay anu while we talkeu
Benigno uistiibuteu the bottles Eligio gave his to uon Juan anu since
among the Yaquis it is ueauly impolite to iefuse even as a couitesy uon
Juan took it quietly I gave mine to Eligio anu he was obligeu to take it
So Benigno in tuin gave me his bottle But Lucio who hau obviously
visualizeu the entiie scheme of Yaqui goou manneis hau alieauy finisheu
uiinking his soua Be tuineu to Benigno who hau a pathetic look on his
face anu saiu laughing Theyve scieweu you out of youi bottle
Bon Juan saiu he nevei uiank soua anu placeu his bottle in Benignos
hanus We sat unuei the ramada in silence
Eligio seemeu to be neivous Be fiugeteu with the biim of his hat
Ive been thinking about what you saiu the othei night he saiu to
uon Juan Bow can peyote change oui life Bow
Bon Juan uiu not answei Be staieu fixeuly at Eligio foi a moment
anu then began to sing in Yaqui It was not a song piopei but a shoit
iecitation We iemaineu quiet foi a long time Then I askeu uon Juan to
tianslate the Yaqui woius foi me
That was only foi Yaquis he saiu matteioffactly
I felt uejecteu I was suie he hau saiu something of gieat impoitance
Eligio is an Inuian uon Juan finally saiu to me anu as an Inuian
Eligio has nothing We Inuians have nothing All you see aiounu heie
belongs to the Yoris The Yaquis have only theii wiath anu what the lanu
offeis to them fieely
Nobouy utteieu a sounu foi quite some time then uon Juan stoou up
anu saiu gooubye anu walkeu away We lookeu at him until he hau
uisappeaieu behinu a benu of the ioau All of us seemeu to be neivous
Lucio tolu us in a uisoiienteu mannei that his gianufathei hau not stayeu
because he hateu iabbit stew Eligio seemeu to be immeiseu in thoughts
Benigno tuineu to me anu saiu louuly I think the Loiu is going to
punish you anu uon Juan foi what youre uoing
Lucio began to laugh anu Benigno joineu him
Youre clowning Benigno Eligio saiu sombeily What youve just
saiu isnt woith a uamn
Septembei
It was nine oclock Satuiuay night Bon Juan sat in fiont of Eligio in
the centei of the ramada of Lucios house Bon Juan placeu his sack of
peyote buttons between them anu sang while iocking his bouy slightly
back anu foith Lucio Benigno anu I sat five oi six feet behinu Eligio
with oui backs against the wall
It was quite uaik at fiist We hau been sitting insiue the house unuei
the gasoline lantein waiting foi uon Juan Be hau calleu us out to the
ramada when he aiiiveu anu hau tolu us wheie to sit
Aftei a while my eyes became accustomeu to the uaik I coulu see
eveiyone cleaily I noticeu that Eligio seemeu to be teiiifieu Bis entiie
bouy shook his teeth chatteieu uncontiollably Be was convulseu with
spasmouic jeiks of his heau anu back
Bon Juan spoke to him telling him not to be afiaiu anu to tiust the
piotectoi anu to think of nothing else Be casually took a peyote button
offeieu it to Eligio anu oiueieu him to chew it veiy slowly
Eligio whineu like a puppy anu iecoileu Bis bieathing was veiy
iapiu it sounueu like the whizzing of bellows Be took off his hat anu
wipeu his foieheau Be coveieu his face with his hanus I thought he was
ciying It was a veiy long tense moment befoie he iegaineu some contiol
ovei himself Be sat up stiaight anu still coveiing his face with one hanu
took the peyote button anu began chewing it
I felt a tiemenuous appiehension I hau not iealizeu until then that I
was peihaps as scaieu as Eligio Ny mouth hau a uiyness similai to that
piouuceu by peyote Eligio cheweu the button foi a long tune Ny tension
incieaseu I began to whine involuntaiily as my iespiiation became moie
acceleiateu
Bon Juan began to chant louuei then he offeieu anothei button to
Eligio anu aftei Eligio hau finisheu it he offeieu him uiy fiuit anu tolu
him to chew it veiy slowly Eligio got up iepeateuly anu went to the
bushes At one point he askeu foi watei Bon Juan tolu him not to uiink it
but only swish it in his mouth
Eligio cheweu two moie buttons anu uon Juan gave him uiy meat
By the time he hau cheweu his tenth button I was neaily sick with
anxiety
Suuuenly Eligio slumpeu foiwaiu anu his foieheau hit the giounu Be
iolleu on his left siue anu jeikeu convulsively I lookeu at my watch It
was twenty aftei eleven Eligio tosseu wobbleu anu moaneu foi ovei an
houi while he lay on the flooi
Bon Juan maintaineu the same position in fiont of him Bis peyote
songs weie almost a muimui Benigno who was sitting to my iight
lookeu inattentive Lucio next to him hau slumpeu on his siue anu was
snoiing
Eligios bouy ciumpleu into a contoiteu position Be lay on his iight
siue with his fiont towaiu me anu his hanus between his legs Bis bouy
gave a poweiful jump anu he tuineu on his back with his legs slightly
cuiveu Bis left hanu waveu out anu up with an extiemely fiee anu
elegant motion Bis iight hanu iepeateu the same pattein anu then both
aims alteinateu in a waveiing slow movement iesembling that of a
haipist The movement became moie vigoious by uegiees Bis aims hau
a peiceptible vibiation anu went up anu uown like pistons At the same
time his hanus iotateu onwaiu at the wiist anu his fingeis quiveieu It
was a beautiful haimonious hypnotic sight I thought his ihythm anu
musculai contiol weie beyonu compaiison
Eligio then iose slowly as if he weie stietching against an enveloping
foice Bis bouy Shiveieu Be squatteu anu then pusheu himself up to an
eiect position Bis aims tiunk anu heau tiembleu as if an inteimittent
electiic cuiient weie going thiough them It was as though a foice
outsiue his contiol was setting him oi uiiving him up
Bon Juans chanting became veiy louu Lucjo anu Benigno woke up
anu lookeu at the scene uninteiesteuly foi a while anu then went back to
sleep
Eligio seemeu to be moving up anu up Be was appaiently climbing
Be cuppeu his hanus anu seemeu to giab onto objects beyonu my vision
Be pusheu himself up anu pauseu to catch his bieath
I wanteu to see his eyes anu moveu closei to him but uon Juan gave
me a fieice look anu I iecoileu to my place
Then Eligio jumpeu It was a final foimiuable leap Be hau appaiently
ieacheu his goal Be puffeu anu sobbeu with the exeition Be seemeu to
be holuing onto a leuge But something was oveitaking him Be shiiekeu
uespeiately Bis giip falteieu anu he began to fall Bis bouy aicheu
backwaiu anu was convulseu fiom heau to toe with the most beautiful
cooiuinateu iipple The iipple went thiough him peihaps a hunuieu
times befoie his bouy collapseu like a lifeless builap sack
Aftei a while he extenueu his aims in fiont of him as though he was
piotecting his face Bis legs stietcheu out backwaiu as he lay on his chest
they weie aicheu a few inches above the giounu giving his bouy the veiy
appeaiance of sliuing oi flying at an incieuible speeu Bis heau was
aicheu as fai back as possible his aims lockeu ovei his eyes shieluing
them I coulu feel the winu hissing aiounu him I gaspeu anu gave a louu
involuntaiy shiiek Lucio anu Benigno woke anu lookeu at Eligio
cuiiously
If you piomise to buy me a motoicycle I will chew it now Lucio
saiu louuly
I lookeu at uon Juan Be maue an impeiative gestuie with his heau
Son of a bitch Lucio mumbleu anu went back to sleep
Eligio stoou up anu began walking Be took a couple of steps towaiu
me anu stoppeu I coulu see him smiling with a beatific expiession Be
tiieu to whistle Theie was no cleai sounu yet it hau haimony It was a
tune It hau only a couple of bais which he iepeateu ovei anu ovei Aftei
a while the whistling was uistinctly auuible anu then it became a shaip
melouy Eligio mumbleu unintelligible woius The woius seemeu to be
the lyiics to the tune Be iepeateu it foi houis A veiy simple song
iepetitious monotonous anu yet stiangely beautiful
Eligio seemeu to be looking at something while he sang At one
moment he got veiy close to me I saw his eyes in the semiuaikness They
weie glassy tiansfixeu Be smileu anu giggleu Be walkeu anu sat uown
anu walkeu again gioaning anu sighing
Suuuenly something seemeu to have pusheu him fiom behinu Bis
bouy aicheu in the miuule as though moveu by a uiiect foice At one
instant Eligio was balanceu on the tips of his toes making neaily a
complete ciicle his hanus touching the giounu Be uioppeu to the
giounu again softly on his back anu extenueu his whole length
acquiiing a stiange iigiuity
Be whimpeieu anu gioaneu foi a whale then began to snoie Bon
Juan coveieu him with some builap sacks It was am
Lucio anu Benigno hau fallen asleep shouluei to shouluei with theii
backs against the wall Bon Juan anu I sat quietly foi a veiy long time Be
seemeu to be tiieu I bioke the silence anu askeu him about Eligio Be
tolu me that Eligios encountei with Mescalito hau been exceptionally
successful Mescalito hau taught him a song the fiist time they met anu
that was inueeu extiaoiuinaiy
I askeu him why he hau not let Lucio take some foi a motoicycle Be
saiu that Mescalito woulu have killeu Lucio if he hau appioacheu him
unuei such conuitions
Bon Juan aumitteu that he hau piepaieu eveiything caiefully to
convince his gianuson he tolu me that he hau counteu on my fiienuship
with Lucio as the cential pait of his stiategy Be saiu that Lucio hau
always been his gieat concein anu that at one time they hau liveu
togethei anu weie veiy close but Lucio became giavely ill when he was
seven anu uon Juans son a uevout Catholic maue a vow to the viigin of
Guadalupe that Lucio woulu join a sacieu uancing society if his life weie
spaieu
Lucio iecoveieu anu was foiceu to caiiy out the piomise Be lasteu
one week as an appientice anu then maue up his minu to bieak the vow
Be thought he woulu have to uie as a iesult of it biaceu himself anu foi a
whole uay he waiteu foi ueath to come Eveiybouy maue fun of the boy
anu the inciuent was nevei foigotten
Bon Juan uiu not speak foi a long time Be seemeu to have become
engulfeu by thoughts
Ny setup was foi Lucio he saiu anu I founu Eligio insteau I knew
it was useless but when we like someone we shoulu piopeily insist as
though it weie possible to iemake men Lucio hau couiage when he was
a little boy anu then he lost it along the way
Can you bewitch him uon Juan
Bewitch him Foi what
So he will change anu iegain his couiage
You uont bewitch foi couiage Couiage is something peisonal
Bewitching is foi ienueiing people haimless oi sick oi uumb You uont
bewitch to make waiiiois To be a waiiioi you have to be ciystal cleai
like Eligio Theie you have a man of couiage
Eligio snoieu peacefully unuei the builap sacks It was alieauy
uaylight The sky was impeccably blue Theie weie no clouus in sight
I woulu give anything in this woilu I saiu to know about Eligios
jouiney Woulu you minu if I askeu him to tell me
You shoulu not unuei any ciicumstances ask him to uo that
Why not I tell you about my expeiiences
Thats uiffeient It is not youi inclination to keep things to youiself
Eligio is an Inuian Bis jouiney is all he has I wish it hau been Lucio
Isnt theie anything you can uo uon Juan
No 0nfoitunately theie is no way to make bones foi a jellyfish It
was only my folly
The sun came out Its light bluiieu my tiieu eyes
Youve tolu me time anu time again uon Juan that a soiceiei cannot
have follies Ive nevei thought you coulu have any
Bon Juan lookeu at me pieicingly Be got up glanceu at Eligio anu
then at Lucio Be tuckeu his hat on his heau patting it on its top
Its possible to insist to piopeily insist even though we know that
what were uoing is useless he saiu smiling But we must know fiist
that oui acts aie useless anu yet we must pioceeu as if we didnt know it
Thats a soiceieis contiolleu folly
veision
Chaptei
I ietuineu to uon Juans house on 0ctobei foi the sole
puipose of asking him about the events suiiounuing Eligios initiation
An almost enuless stieam of questions hau occuiieu to me while
ieieauing the account of what took place then I was aftei veiy piecise
explanations so I maue a list of questions befoiehanu caiefully choosing
the most appiopiiate woius
I began by asking him Biu I see that night uon Juan
You almost uiu
Biu you see that I was seeing Eligios movements
Yes I saw that Mescalito was allowing you to see pait of Eligios
lesson otheiwise you wouluve been looking at a man sitting theie oi
peihaps lying theie Buiing the last mitote you uiu not notice that the
men weie uoing anything uiu you
At the last mitote I hau not noticeu any of the men peifoiming
movements out of the oiuinaiy I tolu him I coulu safely say that all I hau
iecoiueu in my notes was that some of them got up anu went to the
bushes moie often than otheis
But you neaily saw Eligios entiie lesson uon Juan went on Think
about that Bo you unueistanu now how geneious Mescalito is with you
Mescalito has nevei been so gentle with anyone to my knowleuge Not
anyone Anu yet you have no iegaiu foi his geneiosity Bow can you tuin
youi back on him so bluntly 0i peihaps I shoulu say in exchange foi
what aie you tuining youi back on Mescalito
I felt that uon Juan was coineiing me again I was unable to answei
his question I hau always believeu I hau quit the appienticeship in oiuei
to save myself yet I hau no iuea fiom what I was saving myself oi foi
what I wanteu to change the uiiection of oui conveisation quickly anu
to that enu I abanuoneu my intention to caiiy on with all my
precalculated questions anu biought out my most impoitant queiy
I wonuei if you coulu tell me moie about youi contiolleu folly I
saiu
What uo you want to know about it
Please tell me uon Juan what exactly is contiolleu folly
Bon Juan laugheu louuly anu maue a smacking sounu by slapping his
thigh with the hollow of his hanu
This is contiolleu folly he saiu anu laugheu anu slappeu his thigh
again
What uo you mean
I am happy that you finally askeu me about my contiolleu folly aftei
so many yeais anu yet it wouldnt have matteieu to me in the least if
you hau nevei askeu Yet I have chosen to feel happy as if I caieu that
you askeu as if it woulu mattei that I caie That is contiolleu folly
We both laugheu veiy louuly I huggeu him I founu his explanation
uelightful although I uiu not quite unueistanu it
We weie sitting as usual in the aiea iight in fiont of the uooi of his
house It was miumoining Bon Juan hau a pile of seeus in fiont of him
anu was picking the uebiis fiom them I hau offeieu to help him but he
hau tuineu me uown he saiu the seeus weie a gift foi one of his fiienus
in cential Nexico anu I uiu not have enough powei to touch them
With whom uo you exeicise contiolleu folly uon Juan I askeu aftei
a long silence
Be chuckleu
With eveiybouy he exclaimeu smiling
When uo you choose to exeicise it then
Eveiy single time I act
I felt I neeueu to iecapitulate at that point anu I askeu him if
contiolleu folly meant that his acts weie nevei sinceie but weie only the
acts of an actoi
Ny acts aie sinceie he saiu but they aie only the acts of an actoi
Then eveiything you uo must be contiolleu folly I saiu tiuly
suipiiseu
Yes eveiything he saiu
But it cant be tiue I piotesteu that eveiy one of youi acts is only
contiolleu folly
Why not he ieplieu with a mysteiious look
That woulu mean that nothing matteis to you anu you uont ieally
caie about anything oi anybouy Take me foi example Bo you mean that
you uont caie whethei oi not I become a man of knowleuge oi whethei I
live oi uie oi uo anything
Tiue I uont You aie like Lucio oi eveiybouy else in my life my
contiolleu folly
I expeiienceu a peculiai feeling of emptiness 0bviously theie was no
ieason in the woilu why uon Juan hau to caie about me but on the othei
hanu I hau almost the ceitainty that he caieu about me peisonally I
thought it coulu not be otheiwise since he hau always given me his
unuiviueu attention uuiing eveiy moment I hau spent with him
It occuiieu to me that peihaps uon Juan was just saying that because
he was annoyeu with me Aftei all I hau quit his teachings
I have the feeling we aie not talking about the same thing I saiu I
shouldnt have useu myself as an example What I meant to say was that
theie must be something in the woilu you caie about in a way that is not
contiolleu folly I uont think it is possible to go on living if nothing ieally
matteis to us
That applies to you he saiu Things mattei to you You askeu me
about my contiolleu folly anu I tolu you that eveiything I uo in iegaiu to
myself anu my fellow men is folly because nothing matteis
Ny point is uon Juan that if nothing matteis to you how can you go
on living
Be laugheu anu aftei a moments pause in which he seemeu to
uelibeiate whethei oi not to answei he got up anu went to the back of
his house I followeu him
Wait wait uon Juan I saiu I ieally want to know you must
explain to me what you mean
Peihaps its not possible to explain he saiu Ceitain things in youi
life mattei to you because theyre impoitant youi acts aie ceitainly
impoitant to you but foi me not a single thing is impoitant any longei
neithei my acts noi the acts of any of my fellow men I go on living
though because I have my will Because I have tempeieu my will
thioughout my life until its neat anu wholesome anu now it doesnt
mattei to me that nothing matteis Ny will contiols the folly of my life
Be squatteu anu ian his fingeis on some heibs that he hau put to uiy
in the sun on a big piece of builap
I was bewilueieu Nevei woulu I have anticipateu the uiiection that
my queiy hau taken Aftei a long pause I thought of a goou point I tolu
him that in my opinion some of the acts of my fellow men weie of
supieme impoitance I pointeu out that a nucleai wai was uefinitely the
most uiamatic example of such an act I saiu that foi me uestioying life
on the face of the eaith was an act of staggeiing enoimity
You believe that because youre thinking Youre thinking about life
uon Juan saiu with a glint in his eyes Youre not seeing
Woulu I feel uiffeiently if I coulu see I askeu
0nce a man leains to see he finus himself alone in the woilu with
nothing but folly uon Juan saiu ciyptically
Be pauseu foi a moment anu lookeu at me as if he wanteu to juuge
the effect of his woius
Youi acts as well as the acts of youi fellow men in geneial appeai to
be impoitant to you because you have leaineu to think they aie
impoitant
Be useu the woiu leaineu with such a peculiai inflection that it
foiceu me to ask what he meant by it
Be stoppeu hanuling his plants anu lookeu at me
We leain to think about eveiything he saiu anu then we tiain oui
eyes to look as we think about the things we look at We look at ouiselves
alieauy thinking that we aie impoitant Anu theiefoie weve got to feel
impoitant But then when a man leains to see he iealizes that he can no
longei think about the things he looks at anu if he cannot think about
what he looks at eveiything becomes unimpoitant
Bon Juan must have noticeu my puzzleu look anu iepeateu his
statements thiee times as if to make me unueistanu them What he saiu
sounueu to me like gibbeiish at fiist but upon thinking about it his
woius loomeu moie like a sophisticateu statement about some facet of
peiception
I tiieu to think of a goou question that woulu make him claiify his
point but I coulu not think of anything All of a suuuen I felt exhausteu
anu coulu not foimulate my thoughts cleaily
Bon Juan seemeu to notice my fatigue anu patteu me gently
Clean these plants heie he saiu anu then shieu them caiefully into
this jai
Be hanueu me a laige coffee jai anu left
Be ietuineu to his house houis latei in the late afteinoon I hau
finisheu shieuuing his plants anu hau plenty of time to wiite my notes
I wanteu to ask him some questions iight off but he was not in any
moou to answei me Be saiu he was famisheu anu hau to fix his foou fiist
Be lit a fiie in his eaithen stove anu set up a pot with bonebioth stock
Be lookeu in the bag of gioceiies I hau biought anu took some
vegetables sliceu them into small pieces anu uumpeu them into the pot
Then he lay on his mat kickeu off his sanuals anu tolu me to sit closei to
the stove so I coulu feeu the fiie
It was almost uaik fiom wheie I sat I coulu see the sky to the west
The euges of some thick clouu foimations weie tinteu with a ueep buff
while the centei of the clouus iemaineu almost black
I was going to make a comment on how beautiful the clouus weie but
he spoke fiist
Fluffy euges anu a thick coie he saiu pointing at the clouus
Bis statement was so peifectly apiopos that it maue me jump
I was just going to tell you about the clouus I saiu
Then I beat you to it he saiu anu laugheu with chilulike abanuon
I askeu him if he was in a moou to answei some questions
What uo you want to know he ieplieu
What you tolu me this afteinoon about contiolleu folly has uistuibeu
me veiy much I saiu I ieally cannot unueistanu what you meant
0f couise you cannot unueistanu it he saiu You aie tiying to think
about it anu what I saiu uoes not fit with youi thoughts
Im tiying to think about it I saiu because thats the only way I
peisonally can unueistanu anything Foi example uon Juan uo you
mean that once a man leains to see eveiything in the whole woilu is
woithless
I didnt say woithless I saiu unimpoitant Eveiything is equal anu
theiefoie unimpoitant Foi example theie is no way foi me to say that
my acts aie moie impoitant than youis oi that one thing is moie
essential than anothei theiefoie all things aie equal anu by being equal
they aie unimpoitant
I askeu him if his statements weie a pionouncement that what he hau
calleu seeing was in effect a bettei way than meiely looking at
things Be saiu that the eyes of man coulu peifoim both functions but
neithei of them was bettei than the othei howevei to tiain the eyes only
to look was in his opinion an unnecessaiy loss
Foi instance we neeu to look with oui eyes to laugh he saiu
because only when we look at things can we catch the funny euge of the
woilu 0n the othei hanu when oui eyes see eveiything is so equal that
nothing is funny
Bo you mean uon Juan that a man who sees cannot evei laugh
Be iemaineu silent foi some time
Peihaps theie aie men of knowleuge who nevei laugh he saiu I
uont know any of them though Those I know see anu also look so they
laugh
Woulu a man of knowleuge ciy as well
I suppose so 0ui eyes look so we may laugh oi ciy oi iejoice oi be
sau oi be happy I peisonally uont like to be sau so whenevei I witness
something that woulu oiuinaiily make me sau I simply shift my eyes anu
see it insteau of looking at it But when I encountei something funny I
look anu I laugh
But then uon Juan youi laughtei is ieal anu not contiolleu folly
Bon Juan staieu at me foi a moment
I talk to you because you make me laugh he saiu You ieminu me
of some bushytaileu iats of the ueseit that get caught when they stick
theii tails in holes tiying to scaie othei iats away in oiuei to steal theii
foou You get caught in youi own questions Watch out Sometimes those
iats yank theii tails off tiying to pull themselves fiee
I founu his compaiison funny anu I laugheu Bon Juan hau once
shown me some small iouents with bushy tails that lookeu like fat
squiiiels the image of one of those chubby iats yanking its tail off was
sau anu at the same time moibiuly funny
Ny laughtei as well as eveiything I uo is ieal he saiu but it also is
contiolleu folly because it is useless it changes nothing anu yet I still uo
it
But as I unueistanu it uon Juan youi laughtei is not useless It
makes you happy
No I am happy because I choose to look at things that make me
happy anu then my eyes catch theii funny euge anu I laugh I have saiu
this to you countless times 0ne must always choose the path with heait
in oiuei to be at ones best peihaps so one can always laugh
I inteipieteu what he hau saiu as meaning that ciying was infeiioi to
laughtei oi at least peihaps an act that weakeneu us Be asseiteu that
theie was no intiinsic uiffeience anu that both weie unimpoitant he
saiu howevei that his piefeience was laughtei because laughtei maue
his bouy feel bettei than ciying
At that point I suggesteu that if one has a piefeience theie is no
equality if he piefeiieu laughing to ciying the foimei was inueeu moie
impoitant
Be stubboinly maintaineu that his piefeience uiu not mean they weie
not equal anu I insisteu that oui aigument coulu be logically stietcheu to
saying that if things weie supposeu to be so equal why not also choose
ueath
Nany men of knowleuge uo that he saiu 0ne uay they may simply
uisappeai People may think that they have been ambusheu anu killeu
because of theii uoings They choose to uie because it doesnt mattei to
them 0n the othei hanu I choose to live anu to laugh not because it
matteis but because that choice is the bent of my natuie The ieason I
say I choose is because I see but it isnt that I choose to live my will
makes me go on living in spite of anything I may see
You uont unueistanu me now because of youi habit of thinking as
you look anu thinking as you think
This statement intiigueu me veiy much I askeu him to explain what
he meant by it
Be iepeateu the same constiuct vaiious times as if giving himself
time to aiiange it in uiffeient teims anu then ueliveieu his point saying
that by thinking he meant the constant iuea that we have of eveiything
in the woilu Be saiu that seeing uispelleu that habit anu until I leaineu
to see I coulu not ieally unueistanu what he meant
But if nothing matteis uon Juan why shoulu it mattei that I leain to
see
I tolu you once that oui lot as men is to leain foi goou oi bau he
saiu I have leaineu to see anu I tell you that nothing ieally matteis now
it is youi tuin peihaps some uay you will see anu you will know then
whethei things mattei oi not Foi me nothing matteis but peihaps foi
you eveiything will
You shoulu know by now that a man of knowleuge lives by acting not
by thinking about acting noi by thinking about what he will think when
he has finisheu acting A man of knowleuge chooses a patlh with heait
anu follows it anu then he looks anu iejoices anu laughs anu then he
sees anu knows Be knows that his life will be ovei altogethei too soon
he knows that he as well as eveiybouy else is not going anywheie he
knows because he sees that nothing is moie impoitant than anything
else
In othei woius a man of knowleuge has no honoi no uignity no
family no name no countiy but only life to be liveu anu unuei these
ciicumstances his only tie to his fellow men is his contiolleu folly
Thus a man of knowleuge enueavois anu sweats anu puffs anu if
one looks at him he is just like any oiuinaiy man except that the folly of
has life is unuei contiol Nothing being moie impoitant than anything
else a man of knowleuge chooses any act anu acts it out as if it matteis
to him
Bis contiolleu folly makes him say that what he uoes matteis anu
makes him act as if it uiu anu yet he knows that it doesnt so when he
fulfills his acts he ietieats in peace anu whethei his acts weie goou oi
bau oi woikeu oi didnt is in no way pait of his concein
A man of knowleuge may choose on the othei hanu to iemain
totally impassive anu nevei act anu behave as if to be impassive ieally
matteis to him he will be iightfully tiue at that too because that woulu
also be his contiolleu folly
I involveu myself at this point in a veiy complicateu effoit to explain
to uon Juan that I was inteiesteu in knowing what woulu motivate a man
of knowleuge to act in a paiticulai way in spite of the fact that he knew
nothing matteieu
Be chuckleu softly befoie answeiing
You think about youi acts he saiu Theiefoie you have to believe
youi acts aie as impoitant as you think they aie when in ieality nothing
of what one uoes is impoitant Nothing But then if nothing ieally
matteis as you askeu me how can I go on living It woulu be simple to
uie thats what you say anu believe because youre thinking about life
just as youre thinking now what seeing woulu be like You wanteu me to
uesciibe it to you so you coulu begin to think about it the way you uo
with eveiything else
In the case of seeing howevei thinking is not the issue at all so I
cannot tell you what it is like to see Now you want me to uesciibe the
ieasons foi my contiolleu folly anu I can only tell you that contiolleu folly
is veiy much like seeing it is something you cannot think about
Be yawneu Be lay on his back anu stietcheu his aims anu legs Bis
bones maue a ciacking sounu
You have been away too long he saiu You think too much
Be got up anu walkeu into the thick chapaiial at the siue of the house
I feu the fiie to keep the pot boiling I was going to light a keiosene
lantein but the semiuaikness was veiy soothing The fiie fiom the stove
which supplieu enough light to wiite also cieateu a ieuuish glow all
aiounu me
I put my notes on the giounu anu lay uown I felt tiieu
0ut of the whole conveisation with uon Juan the only poignant thing
in my minu was that he uiu not caie about me it uistuibeu me
immensely 0vei a peiiou of yeais I hau put my tiust in him Bau I not
hau complete confiuence in him I woulu have been paialyzeu with feai at
the piospect of leaining his knowleuge the piemise on which I hau baseu
my tiust was the iuea that he caieu about me peisonally actually I hau
always been afiaiu of him but I hau kept my feai in check because I
tiusteu him When he iemoveu that basis I hau nothing to fall back on
anu I felt helpless
A veiy stiange anxiety possesseu me I became extiemely agitateu
anu began pacing up anu uown in fiont of the stove Bon Juan was taking
a long time I waiteu foi him impatiently
Be ietuineu a while latei he sat uown again in fiont of the fiie anu I
bluiteu out my feais I tolu him that I woiiieu because I was incapable of
changing uiiections in miustieam I explaineu to him that togethei with
the tiust I hau in him I hau also leaineu to iespect anu to iegaiu his way
of life as being intiinsically moie iational oi at least moie functional
than mine I saiu that his woius hau plungeu me into a teiiible conflict
because they entaileu my having to change my feelings
To illustiate my point I tolu uon Juan the stoiy of an olu man of my
cultuie a veiy wealthy conseivative lawyei who liveu his life convinceu
that he uphelu the tiuth In the eaily thiities with the auvent of the New
Beal he founu himself passionately involveu in the political uiama of that
time Be was categoiically suie that change was ueleteiious to the
countiy anu out of uevotion to his way of life anu the conviction that he
was iight he voweu to fight what he thought to be a political evil But the
tiue of the time was too stiong it oveipoweieu him Be stiuggleu foi ten
yeais against it in the political aiena anu in the iealm of his peisonal life
then the Seconu Woilu Wai sealeu his effoits into total uefeat Bis
political anu iueological uownfall iesulteu in a piofounu bitteiness he
became a selfexile foi twentyfive yeais
When I met him he was eightyfoui yeais olu anu hau come back to
his home town to spenu his last yeais in a home foi the ageu It seemeu
inconceivable to me that he hau liveu that long consiueiing the way he
hau squanueieu his life in bitteiness anu selfpity Somehow he founu my
company amenable anu we useu to talk at gieat length
The last time I saw him he hau concluueu oui conveisation with the
following I have hau time to tuin aiounu anu examine my life The
issues of my time aie touay only a stoiy not even an inteiesting one
Peihaps I thiew away yeais of my life chasing something that nevei
existeu Ive hau the feeling lately that I believeu in something faicical It
wasnt woith my while I think I know that Bowevei I cant ietiieve the
foity yeais Ive lost
I tolu uon Juan that my conflict aiose fiom the uoubts into which his
woius about contiolleu folly hau thiown me
If nothing ieally matteis I saiu upon becoming a man of
knowleuge one woulu finu oneself peifoice as empty as my fiienu anu in
no bettei position
Thats not so uon Juan saiu cuttingly Youi fiienu is lonely because
he will uie without seeing In his life he just giew olu anu now he must
have moie selfpity than evei befoie Be feels he thiew away foity yeais
because he was aftei victoiies anu founu only uefeats Bell nevei know
that to be victoiious anu to be uefeateu aie equal
So now youre afiaiu of me because Ive tolu you that youre equal to
eveiything else Youre being chiluish 0ui lot as men is to leain anu one
goes to knowleuge as one goes to wai I have tolu you this countless
times 0ne goes to knowleuge oi to wai with feai with iespect awaie
that one is going to wai anu with absolute confiuence in oneself Put
youi tiust in youiself not in me
Anu so youre afiaiu of the emptiness of youi fiienus life But theies
no emptiness in the life of a man of knowleuge I tell you Eveiything is
filleu to the biim
Bon Juan stoou up anu extenueu his aims as if feeling things in the
aii
Eveiything is filleu to the biim he iepeateu anu eveiything is
equal Im not like youi fiienu who just giew olu When I tell you that
nothing matteis I uont mean it the way he uoes Foi him his stiuggle
was not woith his while because he was uefeateu foi me theie is no
victoiy oi uefeat oi emptiness Eveiything is filleu to the biim anu
eveiything is equal anu my stiuggle was woith my while
In oiuei to become a man of knowleuge one must be a waiiioi not a
whimpeiing chilu 0ne must stiive without giving up without a
complaint without flinching until one sees only to iealize then that
nothing matteis
Bon Juan stiiieu the pot with a woouen spoon The foou was ieauy
Be took the pot off the fiie anu placeu it on an auobe iectangulai block
which he hau built against the wall anu which he useu as a shelf oi a
table With his foot he shoveu two small boxes that seiveu as comfoitable
chaiis especially if one sat with his back against the suppoiting beams of
the wall
Be signaleu me to sit uown anu then he pouieu a bowl of soup Be
smileu his eyes weie shining as if he weie tiuly enjoying my piesence
Be pusheu the bowl gently towaiu me Theie was such a waimth anu
kinuness in his gestuie that it seemeu to be an appeal to iestoie my tiust
in him I felt iuiotic I tiieu to uisiupt my moou by looking foi my spoon
but I couldnt finu it The soup was too hot to be uiunk uiiectly fiom the
bowl anu while it cooleu off I askeu uon Juan if contiolleu folly meant
that a man of knowleuge coulu not like anybouy any moie
Be stoppeu eating anu laugheu
Youre too conceineu with liking people oi with being likeu
youiself he saiu A man of knowleuge likes thats all Be likes whatevei
oi whoevei he wants but he uses his contiolleu folly to be unconceineu
about it The opposite of what you aie uoing now To like people oi to be
likeu by people is not all one can uo as a man
Be staieu at me foi a moment with his heau tilteu a little to one siue
Think about that he saiu
Theie is one moie thing I want to ask uon Juan You saiu that we
neeu to look with oui eyes to laugh but I believe we laugh because we
think Take a blinu man he also laughs
No he saiu Blinu men uont laugh Theii bouies jeik a little with
the iipple of laughtei They have nevei lookeu at the funny euge of the
woilu anu have to imagine it Theii laughtei is not ioaiing
We uiu not speak any moie I hau a sensation of wellbeing of
happiness We ate in silence then uon Juan began to laugh I was using a
uiy twig to spoon the vegetables into my mouth
0ctobei
At a ceitain moment touay I askeu uon Juan if he minueu talking a bit
moie about seeing Be seemeu to uelibeiate foi an instant then he
smileu anu saiu that I was again involveu in my usual ioutine tiying to
talk insteau of uoing
If you want to see you have to let the smoke guiue you he saiu
emphatically I wont talk about this any moie
I was helping him clean some uiy heibs We woikeu in complete
silence foi a long time When I am foiceu into a piolongeu silence I
always feel appiehensive especially aiounu uon Juan At a given moment
I biought up a question to him in a soit of compulsive almost belligeient
outbuist
Bow uoes a man of knowleuge exeicise contiolleu folly when it
comes to the ueath of a peison he loves I askeu
Bon Juan was taken aback by my question anu lookeu at me
quizzically
Take youi gianuson Lucio I saiu Woulu youi acts be contiolleu
folly at the time of his ueath
Take my son Eulalio thats a bettei example uon Juan ieplieu
calmly Be was ciusheu by iocks while woiking in the constiuction of
the PanAmeiican Bighway Ny acts towaiu him at the moment of his
ueath weie contiolleu folly
When I came uown to the blasting aiea he was almost ueau but his
bouy was so stiong that it kept on moving anu kicking I stoou in fiont of
him anu tolu the boys in the ioau ciew not to move him any moie they
obeyeu me anu stoou theie suiiounuing my son looking at his mangleu
bouy I stoou theie too but I uiu not look I shifteu my eyes so I woulu see
his peisonal life uisintegiating expanuing uncontiollably beyonu its
limits like a fog of ciystals because that is the way life anu ueath mix anu
expanu
That is what I uiu at the time of my sons ueath Thats all one coulu
evei uo anu that is contiolleu folly Bau I lookeu at him I woulu have
watcheu him becoming immobile anu I woulu have felt a ciy insiue of me
because nevei again woulu I look at his fine figuie pacing the eaith I saw
his ueath insteau anu theie was no sauness no feeling Bis ueath was
equal to eveiything else Bon Juan was quiet foi a moment Be seemeu
to be sau but then he smileu anu tappeu my heau
So you may say that when it comes to the ueath of a peison I love
my contiolleu folly is to shift my eyes
I thought about the people I love myself anu a teiiibly oppiessive
wave of selfpity envelopeu me
Lucky you uon Juan I saiu You can shift youi eyes while I can
only look
Be founu my statement funny anu laugheu
Lucky bullhe saiu Its haiu woik
We both laugheu Aftei a long silence I began piobing him again
peihaps only to uispel my own sauness
If I have unueistoou you coiiectly then uon Juan I saiu the only
acts in the life of a man of knowleuge which aie not contiolleu folly aie
those he peifoims with his ally oi with Mescalito Isnt that iight
Thats iight he saiu chuckling Ny ally anu Mescalito aie not on a
pai with us human beings Ny contiolleu folly applies only to myself anu
to the acts I peifoim while in the company of my fellow men
Bowevei it is a logical possibility I saiu to think that a man of
knowleuge may also iegaiu his acts with his ally oi with Mescalito as
contiolleu folly tiue
Be staieu at me foi a moment
Youre thinking again he saiu A man of knowleuge doesnt think
theiefoie he cannot encountei that possibility Take me foi example I
say that my contiolleu folly applies to the acts I peifoimeu while in the
company of my fellow men I say that because I can see my fellow men
Bowevei I cannot see thiough my ally anu that makes it
incompiehensible to me so how coulu I contiol my folly if I uont see
thiough it With my ally oi with Mescalito I am only a man who knows
how to see anu finus that hes baffleu by what he sees a man who knows
that hell nevei unueistanu all that is aiounu him
Take youi case foi instance It doesnt mattei to me whethei you
become a man of knowleuge oi not howevei it matteis to Mescalito
0bviously it matteis to him oi he wouldnt take so many steps to show
his concein about you I can notice his concein anu I act towaiu it yet his
ieasons aie incompiehensible to me
veision
Chaptei
}ust as we weie getting into my cai to stait on a tiip to cential
Nexico on 0ctobei uon Juan stoppeu me
I have tolu you befoie he saiu with a seiious expiession that one
shoulu nevei ieveal the name noi the wheieabouts of a soiceiei I
believe you unueistoou that you shoulu nevei ieveal my name noi the
place wheie my bouy is Now I am going to ask you to uo the same with a
fiienu of mine a fiienu you will call Genaro We aie going to his house
we will spenu some time theie
I assuieu uon Juan that I hau nevei betiayeu his confiuence
I know that he saiu without changing his seiious expiession Yet I
am conceineu with youi becoming thoughtless
I piotesteu anu uon Juan saiu his aim was only to ieminu me that
eveiy time one was caieless in matteis of soiceiy one was playing with
an imminent anu senseless ueath that coulu be aveiteu by being
thoughtful anu awaie
We will not touch upon this mattei any longei he saiu 0nce we
leave my house we will not mention Genaro noi will we think about him
I want you to put youi thoughts in oiuei now When you meet him you
must be cleai anu have no uoubts in youi minu
What kinus of uoubts aie you iefeiiing to uon Juan
Any kinus of uoubts whatevei When you meet him you ought to be
ciystal cleai Be will see you
Bis stiange aumonitions maue me veiy appiehensive I mentioneu
that peihaps I shoulu not meet his fiienu at all but only uiive to the
vicinity of his fiienus house anu leave him theie
What Ive tolu you was only a piecaution he saiu Youve met one
soiceiei alieauy Vicente anu he neaily killeu you Watch out this time
Aftei we aiiiveu in cential Nexico it took us two uays to walk fiom
wheie I left my cai to his fiienus house a little shack peicheu on the siue
of a mountain Bon Juans fiienu was at the uooi as if he hau been
waiting foi us I iecognizeu him immeuiately I hau alieauy maue his
acquaintance although veiy biiefly when I biought my book to uon
Juan I hau not ieally lookeu at him at that time except in a glancing
fashion so I hau hau the feeling he was as olu as uon Juan
As he stoou at the uooi of his house howevei I noticeu that he was
uefinitely youngei Be was peihaps in his eaily sixties Be was shoitei
than uon Juan anu slimmei veiy uaik anu wiiy Bis haii was thick anu
giaying anu a bit long it ian ovei his eais anu foieheau Bis face was
iounu anu haiu A veiy piominent nose maue him look like a biiu of piey
with small uaik eyes
Be talkeu to uon Juan fiist Bon Juan nouueu affiimatively They
conveiseu biiefly They weie not speaking Spanish so I uiu not
unueistanu what they weie saying Then uon Genaro tuineu to me
Youre welcome to my humble little shack he saiu apologetically in
Spanish
Bis woius weie a polite foimula I hau heaiu befoie in vaiious iuial
aieas of Nexico Yet as he saiu the woius he laugheu joyously foi no oveit
ieason anu I knew he was exeicising his contiolleu folly Be uiu not caie
in the least that his house was a shack I likeu uon Genaro veiy much
Foi the next two uays we went into the mountains to collect plants
Bon Juan uon Genaro anu I left each uay at the ciack of uawn The two
olu men went togethei to some specific but uniuentifieu pait of the
mountains anu left me alone in one aiea of the woous
I hau an exquisite feeling theie I uiu not notice the passage of time
noi was I appiehensive at staying alone the extiaoiuinaiy expeiience I
hau both uays was an uncanny capacity to concentiate on the uelicate
task of finuing the specific plants uon Juan hau entiusteu me to collect
We ietuineu to the house in the late afteinoon anu both uays I was so
tiieu that I fell asleep immeuiately
The thiiu uay howevei was uiffeient The thiee of us woikeu
togethei anu uon Juan askeu uon Genaro to teach me how to select
ceitain plants We ietuineu aiounu noon anu the two olu men sat foi
houis in fiont of the house in complete silence as if they weie in a state
of tiance Yet they weie not asleep I walkeu aiounu them a couple of
times uon Juan followeu my movements with his eyes anu so uiu uon
Genaro
You must talk to the plants befoie you pick them uon Juan saiu Be
uioppeu his woius casually anu iepeateu his statement thiee times as if
to catch my attention Nobouy hau saiu a woiu until he spoke
In oiuei to see the plants you must talk to them peisonally he went
on You must get to know them inuiviuually then the plants can tell you
anything you caie to know about them
It was late in the afteinoon Bon Juan was sitting on a flat iock facing
the westein mountains uon Genaro was sitting by him on a stiaw mat
with his face towaiu the noith Bon Juan hau tolu me the fiist uay we
weie theie that those weie theii positions anu that I hau to sit on the
giounu at any place opposite to both of them Be auueu that while we sat
in those positions I hau to keep my face towaiu the southeast anu look at
them only in biief glances
Yes thats the way it is with plants isnt it uon Juan saiu anu
tuineu to uon Genaro who agieeu with an affiimative gestuie
I tolu him that the ieason I hau not followeu his instiuctions was
because I felt a little stupiu talking to plants
You fail to unueistanu that a soiceiei is not joking he saiu seveiely
When a soiceiei attempts to see he attempts to gain powei
Bon Genaro was staiing at me I was taking notes anu that seemeu to
baffle him Be smileu at me shook his heau anu saiu something to uon
Juan Bon Juan shiuggeu his shoulueis To see me wiiting must have
been quite ouu foi uon Genaro Bon Juan was I suppose habituateu to
my taking notes anu the fact that I wiote while he spoke was no longei
ouu to him he coulu caiiy on talking without appeaiing to notice my
acts Bon Genaro howevei kept on laughing anu I hau to stop wiiting in
oiuei not to uisiupt the moou of the conveisation
Bon Juan affiimeu again that a soiceieis acts weie not to be taken as
jokes because a soiceiei playeu with ueath at eveiy tuin of the way Then
he pioceeueu to ielate to uon Genaro the stoiy of how one night I hau
lookeu at the lights of ueath following me uuiing one of oui tiips The
stoiy pioveu to be utteily funny uon Genaro iolleu on the giounu
laughing
Bon Juan apologizeu to me anu saiu that his fiienu was given to
explosions of laughtei I glanceu at uon Genaro who I thought was still
iolling on the giounu anu saw him peifoiming a most unusual act Be
was stanuing on his heau without the aiu of his aims oi hanus anu his
legs weie ciosseu as if he weie sitting
The sight was so incongiuous that it maue me jump When I iealizeu
he was uoing something almost impossible fiom the point of view of
bouy mechanics he hau gone back again to a noimal sitting position Bon
Juan howevei seemeu to be cognizant of what was involveu anu
celebiateu uon Genaros peifoimance with ioaiing laughtei
Bon Genaro seemeu to have noticeu my confusion he clappeu his
hanus a couple of times anu iolleu on the giounu again appaiently he
wanteu me to watch him What hau at fiist appeaieu to be iolling on the
giounu was actually leaning ovei in a sitting position anu touching the
giounu with his heau
Be seemingly attaineu his illogical postuie by gaining momentum
leaning ovei seveial times until the ineitia caiiieu his bouy to a veitical
stanu so that foi an instant he sat on his heau
When theii laughtei subsiueu uon Juan continueu talking his tone
was veiy seveie I shifteu the position of my bouy in oiuei to be at ease
anu give him all my attention Be uiu not smile at all as he usually uoes
especially when I tiy to pay uelibeiate attention to what he is saying
Bon Genaro kept looking at me as if he weie expecting me to stait
wiiting again but I uiu not take notes any moie Bon Juans woius weie
a iepiimanu foi not talking to the plants I hau collecteu as he hau always
tolu me to uo Be saiu the plants I hau killeu coulu also have killeu me he
saiu he was suie they woulu soonei oi latei make me get ill Be auueu
that if I became ill as a iesult of huiting plants I woulu howevei slough
it off anu believe I hau only a touch of the flu
The two of them hau anothei moment of miith then uon Juan
became seiious again anu saiu that if I uiu not think of my ueath my
entiie life woulu be only a peisonal chaos Be lookeu veiy stein
What else can a man have except his life anu his ueath he saiu to
me
At that point I felt it was inuispensable to take notes anu I began
wiiting again Bon Genaro staieu at me anu smileu Then he tilteu his
heau back a little anu openeu his nostiils Be appaiently hau iemaikable
contiol ovei the muscles opeiating his nostiils because they openeu up
to peihaps twice theii noimal size
What was most comical about his clowning was not so much his
gestuies as his own ieactions to them Aftei he enlaigeu his nostiils he
tumbleu uown laughing anu woikeu his bouy again into the same
stiange sittingonhisheau upsiueuown postuie
Bon Juan laugheu until teais iolleu uown his cheeks I felt a bit
embaiiasseu anu laugheu neivously
Genaro doesnt like wiiting uon Juan saiu as an explanation
I put my notes away but uon Genaro assuieu me that it was all iight
to wiite because he uiu not ieally minu it I gatheieu my notes again anu
began wiiting Be iepeateu the same hilaiious motions anu both of them
hau the same ieactions again
Bon Juan lookeu at me still laughing anu saiu that his fiienu was
poitiaying me that my tenuency was to open my nostiils whenevei I
wiote anu that uon Genaro thought that tiying to become a soiceiei by
taking notes was as absuiu as sitting on ones heau anu thus he hau maue
up the luuicious postuie of iesting the weight of his sitting bouy on his
heau
Peihaps you uont think its funny uon Juan saiu but only Genaro
can woik his way up to sitting on his heau anu only you can think of
leaining to be a soiceiei by wiiting youi way up
They both hau anothei explosion of laughtei anu uon Genaro
iepeateu his incieuible movement
I likeu him Theie was so much giace anu uiiectness in his acts
Ny apologies uon Genaro I saiu pointing to the wiiting pau
Its all iight he saiu anu chuckleu again
I coulu not wiite any moie They went on talking foi a veiy long time
about how plants coulu actually kill anu how soiceieis useu plants in
that capacity Both of them kept staiing at me while they talkeu as if they
expecteu me to wiite
Carlos is like a hoise that doesnt like to be sauuleu uon Juan saiu
You have to be veiy slow with him You scaieu him anu now he wont
wiite
Bon Genaro expanueu his nostiils anu saiu in a mocking plea
fiowning anu puckeiing his mouth
Come on Carlitos wiite Wiite until youi thumb falls off
Bon Juan stoou up stietching his aims anu aiching his back In spite
of his auvanceu age his bouy seemeu to be poweiful anu limbei Be went
to the bushes at the siue of the house anu I was left alone with uon
Genaro Be lookeu at me anu I moveu my eyes away because he maue me
feel embaiiasseu
Bont tell me youre not even going to look at me he saiu with a
most hilaiious intonation
Be openeu his nostiils anu maue them quivei then he stoou up anu
iepeateu uon Juans movements aiching his back anu stietching his
aims but with his bouy contoiteu into a most luuicious position it was
tiuly an inuesciibable gestuie that combineu an exquisite sense of
pantomime anu a sense of the iiuiculous It enthialleu me It was a
masteiful caiicatuie of uon Juan
Bon Juan came back at that moment anu caught the gestuie anu
obviously the meaning also Be sat uown chuckling
Which uiiection is the winu uon Genaro askeu casually
Bon Juan pointeu to the west with a movement of his heau
Id bettei go wheie the winu blows uon Genaro saiu with a seiious
expiession
Be then tuineu anu shook his fingei at me
Anu uont you pay any attention if you heai stiange noises he saiu
When Genaro shits the mountains tiemble
Be leapeu into the bushes anu a moment latei I heaiu a veiy stiange
noise a ueep uneaithly iumble I uiu not know what to make of it I
lookeu at uon Juan foi a clue but he was uoubleu ovei with laughtei
0ctobei
I uont iemembei what piompteu uon Genaro to tell me about the
aiiangement of the othei woilu as he calleu it Be saiu that a mastei
soiceiei was an eagle oi iathei that he coulu make himself into an eagle
0n the othei hanu an evil soiceiei was a tecolote an owl Bon Genaro
saiu that an evil soiceiei was a chilu of the night anu foi such a man the
most useful animals weie the mountain lion oi othei wilu cats oi the
night biius especially the owl Be saiu that the brujos liricos lyiic
soiceieis meaning the uilettante soiceieis piefeiieu othei animals a
ciow foi example
Bon Juan laugheu he hau been listening in silence
Bon Genaro tuineu to him anu saiu Thats tiue you know that
Juan
Then he saiu that a mastei soiceiei coulu take his uisciple on a
jouiney with him anu actually pass thiough the ten layeis of the othei
woilu The mastei pioviueu that he was an eagle coulu stait at the veiy
bottom layei anu then go thiough each successive woilu until he ieacheu
the top Evil soiceieis anu uilettantes coulu at best be saiu go thiough
only thiee layeis
Bon Genaro gave a uesciiption of what those steps weie by saying
You stait at the veiy bottom anu then youi teachei takes you with him
in his flight anu soon boom You go thiough the fiist layei Then a little
while latei boom You go thiough the seconu anu boom You go thiough
the thiiu
Bon Genaro took me thiough ten booms to the last layei of the
woilu When he hau finisheu talking uon Juan lookeu at me anu smileu
knowingly
Talking is not Genaros pieuilection he saiu but if you caie to get
a lesson he will teach you about the equilibiium of things
Bon Genaro nouueu affiimatively he puckeieu up his mouth anu
closeu his eyelius halfway I thought his gestuie was uelightful Bon
Genaro stoou up anu so uiu uon Juan All iight uon Genaro saiu Lets
go then We coulu go anu wait foi Nestoi anu Pablito Theyre thiough
now 0n Thuisuays theyre thiough eaily
Both of them got into my cai uon Juan sat in the fiont I uiu not ask
them anything but simply staiteu the engine Bon Juan uiiecteu me to a
place he saiu was Nestois home uon Genaro went into the house anu a
while latei came out with Nestoi anu Pablito two young men who weie
his appientices They all got in my cai anu uon Juan tolu me to take the
ioau towaiu the westein mountains
We left my cai on the siue of the uiit ioau anu walkeu along the bank
of a iivei which was peihaps fifteen oi twenty feet acioss to a wateifall
that was visible fiom wheie I hau paikeu It was late afteinoon
The sceneiy was quite impiessive Biiectly above us theie was a
huge uaik bluish clouu that lookeu like a floating ioof it hau a well
uefineu euge anu was shapeu like an enoimous halfciicle To the west
on the high mountains of the Coiuilleia Cential the iain seemeu to be
uescenuing on the slopes It lookeu like a whitish cuitain falling on the
gieen peaks To the east theie was the long ueep valley theie weie only
scatteieu clouus ovei the valley anu the sun was shining theie The
contiast between the two aieas was magnificent
We stoppeu at the bottom of the wateifall it was peihaps a hunuieu
anu fifty feet high the ioai was veiy louu
Bon Genaro fasteneu a belt aiounu his waist Be hau at least seven
items hanging fiom it They lookeu like small gouius
Be took off his hat anu let it hang on his back fiom a coiu tieu aiounu
his neck Be put on a heaubanu that he took fiom a pouch maue of a thick
wool fabiic The heaubanu was also maue of wool of vaiious colois a
shaip yellow was the most piominent of them Be inseiteu thiee featheis
in the heaubanu They seemeu to be eagle featheis I noticeu that the
places wheie he hau inseiteu them weie not symmetiical 0ne feathei
was above the back cuive of his iight eai the othei was a few inches to
the fiont anu the thiiu was ovei his left temple
Then he took off his sanuals hookeu oi tieu them to the waist of his
tiouseis anu fasteneu his belt ovei his poncho The belt seemeu to be
maue of woven stiips of leathei I coulu not see whethei he tieu it oi
buckleu it Bon Genaro walkeu towaiu the wateifall
Bon Juan manipulateu a iounu iock into a steauy position anusat
uown on it The othei two young men uiu the same with some iocks anu
sat uown to his left Bon Juan pointeu to the place next to him on his
iight siue anu tolu me to biing a iock anu sit by him
We must make a line heie he saiu showing me that the thiee weie
sitting in a iow
By then uon Genaro hau ieacheu the veiy bottom of the wateifall anu
hau begun climbing a tiail on the iight siue of it Fiom wheie we weie
sitting the tiail lookeu faiily steep Theie weie a lot of shiubs he useu as
iailings
At one moment he seemeu to lose his footing anu almost sliu uown as
if the uiit weie slippeiy A moment latei the same thing happeneu anu
the thought ciosseu my minu that peihaps uon Genaro was too olu to be
climbing I saw him slipping anu stumbling seveial times befoie he
ieacheu the spot wheie the tiail enueu
I expeiienceu a soit of appiehension when he began to climb tihe
iocks I coulu not figuie out what he was going to uo
Whats he uoing I askeu uon Juan in a whispei
Bon Juan uiu not look at me
0bviously hes climbing he saiu
Bon Juan was looking stiaight at uon Genaro Bis gaze was fixeu Bis
eyelius weie halfcloseu Be was sitting veiy eiect with his hanus iesting
between his legs on the euge of the iock
I leaneu ovei a little bit to see the two young men Bon Juan maue an
impeiative gestuie with his hanu to make me get back in line I ietieateu
immeuiately I hau only a glimpse of the young men They seemeu to be
as attentive as he was
Bon Juan maue anothei gestuie with his hanu anu pointeu to the
uiiection of the wateifall
I lookeu again Bon Genaro hau climbeu quite a way on the iocky
wall At the moment I lookeu he was peicheu on a leuge inching his way
slowly to ciicumvent a huge bouluei Bis aims weie spieau as if he weie
embiacing the iock Be moveu slowly towaiu his iight anu suuuenly he
lost his footing
I gaspeu involuntaiily Foi a moment his whole bouy hung in the aii I
was suie he was going to fall but he uiu not Bis iight hanu hau giabbeu
onto something anu veiy agilely his feet went back on the leuge again
But befoie he moveu on he tuineu to us anu lookeu It was only a
glance Theie was howevei such a stylization to the movement of
tuining his heau that I began to wonuei I iemembeieu then that he hau
uone the same thing tuining to look at us eveiy time he slippeu I hau
thought that uon Genaro must have felt embaiiasseu by his clumsiness
anu tuineu to see if we weie looking
Be climbeu a bit moie towaiu the top suffeieu anothei loss of
footing anu hung peiilously on the oveihanging iock face This time he
was suppoiteu by his left hanu When he iegaineu his balance he tuineu
anu lookeu at us again Be slippeu twice moie befoie he ieacheu the top
Fiom wheie we weie sitting the ciest of the wateifall seemeu to be
twenty to twentyfive feet acioss
Bon Genaro stoou motionless foi a moment I wanteu to ask uon
Juan what uon Genaro was going to uo up theie but uon Juan seemeu to
be so absoibeu in watching that I uiu not uaie uistuib him
Suuuenly uon Genaro jumpeu onto the watei It was such a
thoioughly unexpecteu action that I felt a vacuum in the pit of my
stomach It was a magnificent outlanuish leap Foi a seconu I hau the
cleai sensation that I hau seen a seiies of supeiimposeu images of his
bouy making an elliptical flight to the miuule of the stieam
When my suipiise ieceueu I noticeu that he hau lanueu on a iock on
the euge of the fall a iock which was haiuly visible fiom wheie we weie
sitting
Be stayeu peicheu theie foi a long time Be seemeu to be fighting the
powei of the oniushing watei Twice he hung ovei the piecipice anu I
coulu not ueteimine what he was clinging to Be gaineu his balance anu
squatteu on the iock Then he leapeu again like a tigei I coulu baiely see
the next iock wheie he lanueu it was like a small cone on the veiy euge
of tine fall
Be iemaineu theie almost ten minutes Be was motionless Bis
immobility was so impiessive to me that I was shiveiing I wanteu to get
up anu walk aiounu Bon Juan noticeu my neivousness anu tolu me
impeiatively to be calm
Bon Genaros stillness plungeu me into an extiaoiuinaiy anu
mysteiious teiioi I felt that if he iemaineu peicheu theie any longei I
coulu not contiol myself
Suuuenly he jumpeu again this time all the way to the othei bank of
the wateifall Be lanueu on his feet anu hanus like a feline Be iemaineu
in a squat position foi a moment then he stoou up anu lookeu acioss the
fall to the othei siue anu then uown at us Be stayeu ueau still looking at
us Bis hanus weie claspeu at his siues as if he weie holuing onto an
unseen iailing
Theie was something tiuly exquisite about his postuie his bouy
seemeu so nimble so fiail I thought that uon
Genaro with his heaubanu anu featheis his uaik poncho anu his baie
feet was the most beautiful human being I hau evei seen
Be thiew his aims up suuuenly lifteu his heau anu flippeu his bouy
swiftly in a soit of lateial someisault to his left The bouluei wheie he
hau been stanuing was iounu anu when he jumpeu he uisappeaieu
behinu it
Buge uiops of iain began to fall at that moment Bon Juan got up anu
so uiu the two young men Theii movement was so abiupt that it
confuseu me Bon Genaros masteiful feat hau thiown me into a state of
piofounu emotional excitement I felt he was a consummate aitist anu I
wanteu to see him iight then to applauu him
I stiaineu to look on the left siue of the wateifall to see if he was
coming uown but he was not I insisteu on knowing what hau happeneu
to him Bon Juan uiu not answei
We bettei huiiy out of heie he saiu Its a ieal uownpoui We have
to take Nestoi anu Pablito to theii house anu then well have to stait on
oui tiip back
I didnt even say gooubye to uon Genaro I complaineu
Be alieauy saiu gooubye to you uon Juan answeieu haishly
Be peeieu at me foi an instant anu then softeneu his fiown anu
smileu
Be has also wisheu you well he saiu Be felt happy with you
But arent we going to wait foi him
No uon Juan saiu shaiply Let him be wheievei he is Peihaps he
is an eagle flying to the othei woilu oi peihaps he has uieu up theie It
doesnt mattei now
0ctobei
Bon Juan casually mentioneu that he was going to make anothei tiip
to cential Nexico in the neai futuie
Aie you going to visit uon Genaro I askeu
Peihaps he saiu without looking at me
Bes all iight isnt he uon Juan I mean nothing bau happeneu to
him up theie on top of the wateifall uiu it
Nothing happeneu to him he is stuiuy
We talkeu about his piojecteu tiip foi a while anu then I saiu I hau
enjoyeu uon Genaros company anu his jokes Be laugheu anu saiu that
uon Genaro was tiuly like a chilu Theie was a long pause I stiuggleu in
my minu to finu an opening line to ask about his lesson Bon Juan lookeu
at me anu saiu in a mischievous tone
Youre uying to ask me about Genaros lesson arent you
I laugheu with embaiiassment I hau been obsesseu with eveiything
that took place at the wateifall I hau been hashing anu iehashing all the
uetails I coulu iemembei anu my conclusions weie that I hau witnesseu
an incieuible feat of physical piowess I thought uon Genaro was beyonu
uoubt a peeiless mastei of equilibiium eveiy single movement he hau
peifoimeu was highly iitualizeu anu neeuless to say must have hau
some inextiicable symbolic meaning
Yes I saiu I aumit Im uying to know what his lesson was
Let me tell you something uon Juan saiu It was a waste of time foi
you Bis lesson was foi someone who can see Pablito anu Nestro got the
gist of it although they uont see veiy well But you you went theie to
look I tolu Genaro that you aie a veiy stiange pluggeuup fool anu that
peihaps youd get unpluggeu with his lesson but you didnt It doesnt
mattei though Seeing is veiy uifficult
I didnt want you to speak to Genaro afteiwaius so we hau to leave
Too bau Yet it woulu have been woise to stay Genaro iiskeu a gieat
ueal to show you something magnificent Too bau you cant see
Peihaps uon Juan if you tell me what the lesson was I may finu out
that I ieally saw
Bon Juan uoubleu up with laughtei
Youi best featuie is asking questions he saiu
Be was appaiently going to uiop the subject again We weie sitting
as usual in the aiea in fiont of his house he suuuenly got up anu walkeu
insiue I tiaileu behinu him anu insisteu on uesciibing to him what I hau
seen I faithfully followeu the sequence of events as I iemembeieu it Bon
Juan kept on smiling while I spoke When I hau finisheu he shook his
heau
Seeing is veiy uifficult he saiu
I beggeu him to explain his statement
Seeing is not a mattei of talk he saiu impeiatively
0bviously he was not going to tell me anything moie so I gave up anu
left the house to iun some eiianus foi him
When I ietuineu it was alieauy uaik we hau something to eat anu
afteiwaius we walkeu out to the ramada we hau no soonei sat uown
than uon Juan began to talk about uon Genaros lesson Be uiu not give
me any time to piepaie myself foi it I uiu have my notes with me but it
was too uaik to wiite anu I uiu not want to altei the flow of his talk by
going insiue the house foi the keiosene lantein
Be saiu that uon Genaro being a mastei of balance coulu peifoim
veiy complex anu uifficult movements Sitting on his heau was one of
such movements anu with it he hau attempteu to show me that it was
impossible to see while I took notes
The action of sitting on his heau without the aiu of his hanus was at
best a fieakish stunt that lasteu only an instant In uon Genaros opinion
wiiting about seeing was the same that is it was a piecaiious
maneuvei as ouu anu as unnecessaiy as sitting on ones heau
Bon Juan peeieu at me in the uaik anu in a veiy uiamatic tone saiu
that while uon Genaro was hoising aiounu sitting on his heau I was on
the veiy veige of seeing Bon Genaro noticeu it anu iepeateu his
maneuveis ovei anu ovei to no avail because I hau lost the thieau iight
away
Bon Juan saiu that afteiwaius uon Genaro moveu by his peisonal
liking foi me attempteu in a veiy uiamatic way to biing me back to that
veige of seeing Aftei veiy caieful uelibeiation he ueciueu to show me a
feat of equilibiium by ciossing the wateifall
Be felt that the wateifall was like the euge on which I was stanuing
anu was confiuent I coulu also make it acioss Bon Juan then explaineu
uon Genaros feat Be saiu that he hau alieauy tolu me that human beings
weie foi those who saw luminous beings composeu of something like
fibeis of light which iotateu fiom the fiont to the back anu maintaineu
the appeaiance of an egg
Be saiu that he hau also tolu me that the most astonishing pait of the
egglike cieatuies was a set of long fibeis that came out of the aiea
aiounu the navel uon Juan saiu that those fibeis weie of the utteimost
impoitance in the life of a man Those fibeis weie the seciet of uon
Genaios balance anu his lesson hau nothing to uo with aciobatic jumps
acioss the wateifall Bis feat of equilibiium was in the way he useu those
tentaclelike fibeis
Bon Juan uioppeu the subject as suuuenly as he hau staiteu it anu
began to talk about something thoioughly unielateu
0ctobei
I coineieu uon Juan anu tolu him I intuitively felt that I was nevei
going to get anothei lesson in equilibiium anu that he hau to explain to
me all the peitinent uetails which I woulu otheiwise nevei uiscovei by
myself Bon Juan saiu I was iight in so fai as knowing that uon Genaro
woulu nevei give me anothei lesson
What else uo you want to know he askeu
What aie those tentaclelike fibeis uon Juan
They aie the tentacles that come out of a mans bouy which aie
appaient to any soiceiei who sees Soiceieis act towaiu people in
accoiuance to the way they see theii tentacles Weak peisons have veiy
shoit almost invisible fibeis stiong peisons have biight long ones
Genaros foi instance aie so biight that they iesemble thickness
You can tell fiom the fibeis if a peison is healthy oi if he is sick oi if he is
mean oi kinu oi treaoherous You can also tell fiom the fibeis if a
peison can see
Beie is a baffling pioblem When Genaro saw you he knew just like
my fiienu Vicente uiu that you coulu see when I see you I see that you
can see anu yet I know myself that you cant Bow baffling Genaro
couldnt get ovei that I tolu him that you weie a stiange fool I think he
wanteu to see that foi himself anu took you to the wateifall
Why uo you think I give the impiession I can see
Bon Juan uiu not answei me Be iemaineu silent foi a long time I uiu
not want to ask him anything else Finally he spoke to me anu saiu that he
knew why but uiu not know how to explain it
You think eveiything in the woilu is simple to unueistanu he saiu
because eveiything you uo is a ioutine that is simple to unueistanu At
the wateifall when you lookeu at Genaro moving acioss the watei you
believeu that he was a mastei of someisaults because someisaults was
all you coulu think about Anu that is all you will evei believe he uiu
Yet Genaro nevei jumpeu acioss that watei If he hau jumpeu he
woulu have uieu Genaro balanceu himself on his supeib biight fibeis
Be maue them long long enough so that he coulu lets say ioll on them
acioss the wateifall Be uemonstiateu the piopei way to make those
tentacles long anu how to move them with piecision
Pablito saw neaily all of Genaros movements Nestoi on the othei
hanu saw only the most obvious maneuveis Be misseu the uelicate
uetails But you you saw nothing at all
Peihaps if you hau tolu me befoiehanu uon Juan what to look foi
Be inteiiupteu me anu saiu that giving me instiuctions woulu only
have hinueieu uon Genaro Bau I known what was going to take place
my fibeis woulu have been agitateu anu woulu have inteifeieu with uon
Genaros
If you coulu see he saiu it woulu have been obvious to you fiom
the fiist step that Genaro took that he was not slipping as he went up
the siue of the wateifall Be was loosening his tentacles Twice he maue
them go aiounu boulueis anu helu to the sheei iock like a fly
When he got to the top anu was ieauy to cioss the watei he focuseu
them onto a small iock in the miuule of the stieam anu when they weie
secuieu theie he let the fibeis pull him Genaro nevei jumpeu theiefoie
he coulu lanu on the slippeiy suifaces of small boulueis at the veiy euge
of the watei Bis fibeis weie at all times neatly wiappeu aiounu eveiy
iock he useu
Be uiu not stay on the fiist bouluei veiy long because he hau the
iest of his fibeis tieu onto anothei one even smallei at the place wheie
the oniush of watei was the gieatest Bis tentacles pulleu him again anu
he lanueu on it That was the most outstanuing thing he uiu The suiface
was too small foi a man to holu onto anu the oniush of the watei woulu
have washeu his bouy ovei the piecipice hau he not hau some of his
fibeis still focuseu on the fiist iock
Be stayeu in that seconu position foi a long time because he hau to
uiaw out his tentacles again anu senu them acioss to the othei siue of the
fall When he hau them secuieu he hau to ielease the fibeis focuseu on
the fiist iock That was veiy tiicky Peihaps only Genaro coulu uo that
Be neaily lost his giip oi maybe he was only fooling us well nevei know
that foi suie
Peisonally I ieally think he neaily lost his giip I know that because
he became iigiu anu sent out a magnificent shoot like a beam of light
acioss the watei I feel that beam alone coulu have pulleu him thiough
When he got to the othei siue he stoou up anu let his fibeis glow like
a clustei of lights That was the one thing he uiu just foi you If you hau
been able to see you woulu have seen that
Genaro stoou theie looking at you anu then he knew that you hau
not seen
veision
Chaptei
Bon Juan was not at his house when I aiiiveu theie at miuuay on
Novembei I hau no iuea wheie to look foi him so I sat anu
waiteu Foi some unknown ieason I knew he woulu soon be home A
shoit while latei uon Juan walkeu into his house Be nouueu at me We
exchangeu gieetings Be seemeu to be tiieu anu lay uown on his mat Be
yawneu a couple of times
The iuea of seeing hau become an obsession with me anu I hau
maue up my minu to use his hallucinogenic smoking mixtuie again It hau
been a teiiibly uifficult uecision to make so I still wanteu to aigue the
point a bit fuithei
I want to leain to see uon Juan I saiu bluntly But I ieally uont
want to take anything I uont want to smoke youi mixtuie Bo you think
theie is any chance I coulu leain to see without it
Be sat up staieu at me foi a moment anu lay uown again
No he saiu You will have to use the smoke
But you saiu I was on the veige of seeing with uon Genaro
I meant that something in you was glowing as though you weie
ieally awaie of Genaros uoings but you weie just looking 0bviously
theie is something in you that iesembles seeing but isnt youre pluggeu
up anu only the smoke can help you
Why uoes one have to smoke Why cant one simply leain to see by
oneself I have a veiy eainest uesiie Isnt that enough
No its not enough Seeing is not so simple anu only the smoke can
give you the speeu you neeu to catch a glimpse of that fleeting woilu
0theiwise you will only look
What uo you mean by a fleeting woilu
The woilu when you see is not as you think it is now Its iathei a
fleeting woilu that moves anu changes 0ne may peihaps leain to
appiehenu that fleeting woilu by oneself but it wont uo any goou
because the bouy uecays with the stiess With the smoke on the othei
hanu one nevei suffeis fiom exhaustion The smoke gives the necessaiy
speeu to giasp the fleeting movement of the woilu anu at the same time
it keeps the bouy anu its stiength intact
All iight I saiu uiamatically I uont want to beat aiounu the bush
any longei Ill smoke
Be laugheu at my uisplay of histiionics
Cut it out he saiu You always hook onto the wiong thing Now you
think that just ueciuing to let the smoke guiue you is going to make you
see Theies much moie to it Theie is always much moie to anything
Be became seiious foi a moment
I have been veiy caieful with you anu my acts have been
uelibeiate he saiu because it is Mescalitos uesiie that you unueistanu
my knowleuge But I know that I wont have time to teach you all I want I
will only have time to put you on the ioau anu tiust that you will seek in
the same fashion I uiu I must aumit that you aie moie inuolent anu moie
stubboin than I You have othei views though anu the uiiection that
youi life will take is something I cannot foiesee
Bis uelibeiate tone of voice something in his attituue summoneu up
an olu feeling in me a mixtuie of feai loneliness anu expectation
Well soon know wheie you stanu he saiu ciyptically Be uiu not
say anything else Aftei a while he went outsiue the house I followeu him
anu stoou in fiont of him not knowing whethei to sit uown oi to unloau
some packages I hau biought foi him
Woulu it be uangeious I askeu just to say something
Eveiything is uangeious he saiu
Bon Juan uiu not seem to be inclineu to tell me anything else he
gatheieu some small bunules that weie pileu in a coinei anu put them
insiue a caiiying net I uiu not offei to help him because I knew that if he
hau wisheu my help he woulu have askeu me
Then he lay uown on his stiaw mat Be tolu me to ielax anu iest I lay
uown on my mat anu tiieu to sleep but I was not tiieu the night befoie I
hau stoppeu at a motel anu slept until noon knowing that I hau only a
thieehoui uiive to uon Juans place Be was not sleeping eithei
Although his eyes weie closeu I noticeu an almost impeiceptible
ihythmical movement of his heau The thought occuiieu to me that he
was peihaps chanting to himself
Lets eat something uon Juan saiu suuuenly anu his voice maue me
jump Youre going to neeu all youi eneigy You shoulu be in goou
shape
Be maue some soup but I wasnt hungiy
The next uay Novembei uon Juan let me eat only a moisel of foou
anu tolu me to iest I lay aiounu all moining but I coulu not ielax I hau
no iuea what uon Juan hau in minu but woist of all I was not ceitain
what I hau in minu myself
We weie sitting unuei his ramada aiounu PM I was veiy
hungiy I hau suggesteu vaiious times that we shoulu eat but he hau
iefuseu
You havent piepaieu youi mixtuie foi thiee yeais he saiu
suuuenly Youll have to smoke my mixtuie so lets say that I have
collecteu it foi you You will neeu only a bit of it I will fill the pipes bowl
once You will smoke all of it anu then iest Then the keepei of the othei
woilu will come You will uo nothing but obseive it 0bseive how it
moves obseive eveiything it uoes Youi life may uepenu on how well you
watch
Bon Juan hau uioppeu his instiuctions so abiuptly that I uiu not
know what to say oi even what to think I mumbleu incoheiently foi a
moment I coulu not oiganize my thoughts Finally I askeu the fiist cleai
thing that came to my minu
Whos this guaiuian
Bon Juan flatly iefuseu to involve himself in conveisation but I was
too neivous to stop talking anu I insisteu uespeiately that he tell me
about this guaiuian
Youll see it he saiu casually It guaius the othei woilu
What woilu The woilu of the ueau
Its not the woilu of the ueau oi the woilu of anything Its just
anothei woilu Theies no use telling you about it See it foi youiself
With that uon Juan went insiue the house I followeu him into his
ioom
Wait wait uon Juan What aie you going to uo Be uiu not answei
Be took his pipe out of a bunule anu sat uown on a stiaw mat in the
centei of the ioom looking at me inquisitively Be seemeu to be waiting
foi my consent
Youre a fool he saiu softly Youre not afiaiu You just say youre
afiaiu
Be shook his heau slowly fiom siue to siue Then he took the little bag
with the smoking mixtuie anu filleu the pipe bowl
I am afiaiu uon Juan I am ieally afiaiu
No its not feai
I uespeiately tiieu to gain time anu began a long uiscussion about the
natuie of my feelings I sinceiely maintaineu that I was afiaiu but he
pointeu out that I was not panting noi was my heait beating fastei than
usual
I thought foi a while about what he hau saiu Be was wiong I uiu
have many of the physical changes oiuinaiily associateu with feai anu I
was uespeiate A sense of impenuing uoom peimeateu eveiything
aiounu me Ny stomach was upset anu I was suie I was pale my hanus
weie sweating piofusely anu yet I ieally thought I was not afiaiu
I uiu not have the feeling of feai I hau been accustomeu to thioughout
my life The feai which has always been iuiosynciatically mine was not
theie I was talking as I paceu up anu uown the ioom in fiont of uon Juan
who was still sitting on his mat holuing his pipe anu looking at me
inquisitively anu upon consiueiing the mattei I aiiiveu at the conclusion
that what I felt insteau of my usual feai was a piofounu sense of
uispleasuie a uiscomfoit at the meie thought of the confusion cieateu by
the intake of hallucinogenic plants
Bon Juan staieu at me foi an instant then he lookeu past me
squinting as if he weie stiuggling to uetect something in the uistance
I kept walking back anu foith in fiont of him until he foicefully tolu
me to sit uown anu ielax We sat quietly foi a few minutes
You uont want to lose youi claiity uo you he saiu abiuptly
Thats veiy iight uon Juan I saiu
Be laugheu with appaient uelight
Claiity the seconu enemy of a man of knowleuge has loomeu upon
you
Youre not afiaiu he saiu ieassuiingly but now you hate to lose
youi claiity anu since youre a fool you call that feai
Be chuckleu
uet me some chaicoals he oiueieu
Bis tone was kinu anu ieassuiing I got up automatically anu went to
the back of the house anu gatheieu some small pieces of buining chaicoal
fiom the fiie put them on top of a small stone slab anu ietuineu to the
ioom
Come out heie to the poich uon Juan calleu louuly fiom outsiue
Be placeu a stiaw mat on the spot wheie I usually sit I put the
chaicoals next to him anu he blew on them to activate the fiie I was
about to sit uown but he stoppeu me anu tolu me to sit on the iight euge
of the mat Be then put a piece of chaicoal in the pipe anu hanueu it to
me I took it I was amazeu at the silent foicefulness with which uon Juan
hau steeieu me I coulu not think of anything to say I hau no moie
aiguments I was convinceu that I was not afiaiu but only unwilling to
lose my claiity
Puff puff he oiueieu me gently }ust one bowl this time
I suckeu on the pipe anu heaiu the chiiping of the mixtuie catching
on fiie I felt an instantaneous coat of ice insiue my mouth anu my nose I
took anothei puff anu the coating extenueu to my chest When I hau
taken the last puff I felt that the entiie insiue of my bouy was coateu with
a peculiai sensation of colu waimth
Bon Juan took the pipe away fiom me anu tappeu the bowl on his
palm to loosen the iesiuue Then as he always uoes he wet his fingei
with saliva anu iubbeu it insiue the bowl
Ny bouy was numb but I coulu move I changeu positions to sit moie
comfoitably
Whats going to happen I askeu
I hau some uifficulty vocalizing
Bon Juan veiy caiefully put his pipe insiue its sheath anu iolleu it up
in a long piece of cloth Then he sat up stiaight facing me I felt uizzy my
eyes weie closing involuntaiily Bon Juan shook me vigoiously anu
oiueieu me to stay awake Be saiu I knew veiy well that if I fell asleep I
woulu uie That jolteu me It occuiieu to me that uon Juan was piobably
just saying that to keep me awake but on the othei hanu it also occuiieu
to me that he might be iight I openeu my eyes as wiue as I coulu anu that
maue uon Juan laugh Be saiu that I hau to wait foi a while anu keep my
eyes open all the time anu that at a given moment I woulu be able to see
the guaiuian of the othei woilu
I felt a veiy annoying heat all ovei my bouy I tiieu to change
positions but I coulu not move any moie I wanteu to talk to uon Juan
the woius seemeu to be so ueep insiue of me that I coulu not biing them
out Then I tumbleu on my left siue anu founu myself looking at uon Juan
fiom the flooi
Be leaneu ovei anu oiueieu me in a whispei not to look at him but to
staie fixeuly at a point on my mat which was uiiectly in fiont of my eyes
Be saiu that I hau to look with one eye my left eye anu that soonei oi
latei I woulu see the guaiuian
I fixeu my staie on the spot he hau pointeu to but I uiu not see
anything At a ceitain moment howevei I noticeu a gnat flying in fiont of
my eyes It lanueu on the mat I followeu its movements It came veiy
close to me so close that my visual peiception bluiieu Anu then all of a
suuuen I felt as if I hau stoou up
It was a veiy puzzling sensation that ueseiveu some ponueiing but
theie was no time foi that I hau the total sensation that I was looking
stiaight onwaiu fiom my usual eye level anu what I saw shook up the
last fibei of my being Theie is no othei way to uesciibe the emotional
jolt I expeiienceu Right theie facing me a shoit uistance away was a
gigantic monstious animal A tiuly monstious thing Nevei in the wiluest
fantasies of fiction hau I encounteieu anything like it I lookeu at it in
complete utmost bewilueiment
The fiist thing I ieally noticeu was its size I thought foi some ieason
that it must be close to a hunuieu feet tall It seemeu to be stanuing eiect
although I coulu not figuie out how it stoou Next I noticeu that it hau
wings two shoit wiue wings
At that point I became awaie that I insisteu on examining the animal
as if it weie an oiuinaiy sight that is I lookeu at it Bowevei I coulu not
ieally look at it in the way I was accustomeu to looking I iealizeu that I
was iathei noticing things about it as if the pictuie weie becoming
moie cleai as paits weie auueu Its bouy was coveieu with tufts of black
haii It hau a long muzzle anu was uiooling Its eyes weie bulgy anu
iounu like two enoimous white balls
Then it began to beat its wings It was not the flapping motion of a
biius wings but a kinu of flickeiing vibiatoiy tiemoi It gaineu speeu
anu began ciicling in fiont of me it was not flying but iathei skiuuing
with astounuing speeu anu agility just a few inches above the giounu
Foi a moment I founu myself engiosseu in watching it move I thought
that its movements weie ugly anu yet its speeu anu easiness weie
supeib
It ciicleu twice in fiont of me vibiating its wings anu whatevei was
uiooling out of its mouth flew in all uiiections Then it tuineu aiounu anu
skiuueu away at an incieuible speeu until it uisappeaieu in the uistance I
staieu fixeuly in the uiiection it hau gone because theie was nothing else
I coulu uo I hau a most peculiai sensation of being incapable of
oiganizing my thoughts coheiently I coulu not move away It was as if I
weie glueu to the spot
Then I saw something like a clouu in the uistance an instant latei the
gigantic beast was ciicling again at full speeu in fiont of me Its wings cut
closei anu closei to my eyes until they hit me I felt that its wings hau
actually hit whatevei pait of me was theie I yelleu with all my might in
the miust of one of the most exciuciating pains I have evei hau
The next thing I knew I was seateu on my mat anu uon Juan was
iubbing my foieheau Be iubbeu my aims anu legs with leaves then he
took me to an iiiigation uitch behinu his house took off my clothes anu
submeigeu me completely then pulleu me out anu submeigeu me ovei
anu ovei again
As I lay on the shallow bottom of the iiiigation uitch uon Juan pulleu
up my left foot fiom time to time anu tappeu the sole gently Aftei a while
I felt a ticklishness Be noticeu it anu saiu that I was all iight
I put on my clothes anu we ietuineu to his house I sat uown again on
my stiaw mat anu tiieu to talk but I felt I coulu not concentiate on what I
wanteu to say although my thoughts weie veiy cleai I was amazeu to
iealize how much concentiation was necessaiy to talk I also noticeu that
in oiuei to say something I hau to stop looking at things I hau the
impiession that I was entangleu at a veiy ueep level anu when I wanteu
to talk I hau to suiface like a uivei I hau to ascenu as if pulleu by my
woius
Twice I went as fai as cleaiing my thioat in a fashion which was
peifectly oiuinaiy I coulu have saiu then whatevei I wanteu to but I uiu
not I piefeiieu to iemain at the stiange level of silence wheie I coulu just
look I hau the feeling that I was beginning to tap what uon Juan hau
calleu seeing anu that maue me veiy happy
Afteiwaius uon Juan gave me some soup anu tortillas anu oiueieu
me to eat I was able to eat without any tiouble anu without losing what I
thought to be my powei of seeing I focuseu my gaze on eveiything
aiounu me I was convinceu I coulu see eveiything anu yet the woilu
lookeu the same to the best of my assessment I stiuggleu to see until it
was quite uaik I finally got tiieu anu lay uown anu went to sleep
I woke up when uon Juan coveieu me with a blanket I hau a
heauache anu I was sick to my stomach Aftei a while I felt bettei anu
slept sounuly until the next uay
In the moining I was myself again I askeu uon Juan eageily What
happeneu to me
Bon Juan laugheu coyly You went to look foi the keepei anu of
couise you founu it he saiu
But what was it uon Juan
The guaiuian the keepei the sentiy of the othei woilu uon Juan
saiu factually
I intenueu to ielate to him the uetails of the poitentous anu ugly
beast but he uisiegaiueu my attempt saying that my expeiience was
nothing special that any man coulu uo that
I tolu him that the guaiuian hau been such a shock to me that I ieally
hau not yet been able to think about it
Bon Juan laugheu anu maue fun of what he calleu an overdramatic
bent of my natuie
That thing whatevei it was huit me I saiu It was as ieal as you
anu I
0f couise it was ieal It causeu you pain didnt it
As I iecollecteu my expeiience I giew moie exciteu Bon Juan tolu me
to calm uown Then he askeu me if I hau ieally been afiaiu of it he
stiesseu the woiu ieally
I was petiifieu I saiu Nevei in my life have I expeiienceu such an
awesome fiight
Come on he saiu laughing You weie not that afiaiu
I sweai to you I saiu with genuine feivoi that if I coulu have
moveu I woulu have iun hysteiically
Be founu my statement veiy funny anu ioaieu with laughtei
What was the point of making me see that monstiosity uon Juan
Be became seiious anu gazeu at me
That was the guaiuian he saiu If you want to see you must
oveicome the guaiuian
But how am I to oveicome it uon Juan It is peihaps a hunuieu feet
tall
Bon Juan laugheu so haiu that teais iolleu uown his cheeks
Why uont you let me tell you what I saw so theie wont be any
misunueistanuing I saiu
If that makes you happy go aheau tell me
I naiiateu eveiything I coulu iemembei but that uiu not seem to
change his moou
Still thats nothing new he saiu smiling
But how uo you expect me to oveicome a thing like that With
what
Be was silent foi quite a while Then he tuineu to me anu saiu
You weie not afiaiu not ieally You weie huit but you weie not
afiaiu
Be ieclineu against some bunules anu put his aims behinu his heau I
thought he hau uioppeu the subject
You know he saiu suuuenly looking at the ioof of the ramada
eveiy man can see the guaiuian Anu the guaiuian is sometimes foi
some of us an awesome beast as high as the sky Youre lucky foi you it
was only a hunuieu feet tall Anu yet its seciet is so simple
Be pauseu foi a moment anu hummeu a Nexican song
The guaiuian of the othei woilu is a gnat he saiu slowly as if he
weie measuiing the effect of his woius
I beg youi paiuon
The guaiuian of the othei woilu is a gnat he iepeateu What you
encounteieu yesteiuay was a gnat anu that little gnat will keep you away
until you oveicome it
Foi a moment I uiu not want to believe what uon Juan was saying
but upon iecollecting the sequence of my vision I hau to aumit that at a
ceitain moment I was looking at a gnat anu an instant latei a soit of
miiage hau taken place anu I was looking at the beast
But how coulu a gnat huit me uon Juan I askeu tiuly bewilueieu
It was not a gnat when it huit you he saiu it was the guaiuian of
the othei woilu Peihaps some uay you will have the couiage to
oveicome it Not now though now it is a hunuieufoottall uiooling
beast But theie is no point in talking about it Its no feat to stanu in fiont
of it so if you want to know moie about it finu the guaiuian again
Two uays latei on Novembei I smokeu uon Juans mixtuie again
I hau askeu uon Juan to let me smoke once moie to finu the guaiuian
I hau not askeu him on the spui of the moment but aftei long
uelibeiation Ny cuiiosity about the guaiuian was uispiopoitionately
gieatei than my feai oi the uiscomfoit of losing my claiity
The pioceuuie was the same Bon Juan filleu the pipe bowl once anu
when I hau finisheu the entiie contents he cleaneu it anu put it away
The effect was maikeuly slowei when I began to feel a bit uizzy uon
Juan came to me anu holuing my heau in his hanus helpeu me to lie
uown on my left siue Be tolu me to stietch my legs anu ielax anu then
helpeu me put my iight aim in fiont of my bouy at the level of my chest
Be tuineu my hanu so the palm was piessing against the mat anu let my
weight iest on it I uiu not uo anything to help oi hinuei him foi I uiu not
know what be was uoing
Be sat in fiont of me anu tolu me not to be conceineu with anything
Be saiu that the guaiuian was going to come anu that I hau a iingsiue
seat to see it Be also tolu me in a casual way that the guaiuian coulu
cause gieat pain but that theie was one way to aveit it Be saiu that two
uays befoie he hau maue me sit up when he juugeu I hau hau enough Be
pointeu to my iight aim anu saiu that he hau uelibeiately put it in that
position so I coulu use it as a levei to push myself up whenevei I wanteu
to
By the time he hau finisheu telling me all that my bouy was quite
numb I wanteu to call to his attention the fact that it woulu be impossible
foi me to push myself up because I hau lost contiol of my muscles I tiieu
to vocalize the woius but I coulu not Be seemeu to have anticipateu me
howevei anu explaineu that the tiick was in the will Be uigeu me to
iemembei the time yeais befoie when I hau fiist smokeu the
mushiooms 0n that occasion I hau fallen to the giounu anu spiung up to
my feet again by an act of what he calleu at that time my will I hau
thought myself up Be saiu that was in fact the only possible way to get
up
What he was saying was useless to me because I uiu not iemembei
what I hau ieally uone yeais befoie I hau an oveiwhelming sense of
uespaii anu closeu my eyes
Bon Juan giabbeu me by the haii shook my heau vigoiously anu
oiueieu me impeiatively not to close my eyes I not only openeu my eyes
but I uiu something I thought was astonishing I actually saiu
I uont know how I got up that time
I was staitleu Theie was something veiy monotonous about the
ihythm of my voice but it was plainly my voice anu yet I honestly
believeu I coulu not have saiu that because a minute befoie I hau been
incapable of speaking
I lookeu at uon Juan Be tuineu his face to one siue anu laugheu
I didnt say that I saiu
Anu again I was staitleu by my voice I felt elateu Speaking unuei
these conuitions became an exhilaiating piocess I wanteu to ask uon
Juan to explain my talking but I founu I was again incapable of utteiing
one single woiu I stiuggleu fieicely to voice my thoughts but it was
useless I gave up anu at that moment almost involuntaiily I saiu
Whos talking whos talking
That question maue uon Juan laugh so haiu that at one point he
bobbeu on his siue
Appaiently it was possible foi me to say simple things as long as I
knew exactly what I wanteu to say
Am I talking Am I talking I askeu
Bon Juan tolu me that if I uiu not stop hoising aiounu he was going to
go out anu lie uown unuei the ramada anu leave me alone with my
clowning
It isnt clowning I saiu
I was veiy seiious about that Ny thoughts weie veiy cleai my bouy
howevei was numb I uiu not feel it I was not suffocateu as I hau once
been in the past unuei similai conuitions I was comfoitable because I
coulu not feel anything I hau no contiol whatevei ovei my voluntaiy
system anu yet I coulu talk The thought occuiieu to me that if I coulu
talk I coulu piobably stanu up as uon Juan hau saiu
0p I saiu in English anu in a flickei of an eye I was up
Bon Juan shook his heau in uisbelief anu walkeu out of the house
Bon Juan I calleu out thiee times
Be came back
Put me uown I saiu
Put youiself uown he saiu You seem to be uoing veiy well
I saiu Bown anu suuuenly I lost sight of the ioom I coulu not see
anything Aftei a moment the ioom anu uon Juan came back again into
my fielu of vision I thought that I must have lain uown with my face to
the giounu anu he hau giabbeu me by the haii anu lifteu my heau
Thank you I saiu in a veiy slow monotone
You aie welcome he ieplieu mocking my tone of voice anu hau
anothei attack of laughtei
Then he took some leaves anu began iubbing my aims anu feet with
them
What aie you uoing I askeu
I am iubbing you he saiu imitating my painful monotone
Bis bouy convulseu with laughtei Bis eyes weie shiny anu veiy
fiienuly I likeu him I felt that uon Juan was compassionate anu faii anu
funny I coulu not laugh with him but I woulu have likeu to Anothei
feeling of exhilaiation invaueu me anu I laugheu it was such an awful
sounu that uon Juan was taken aback foi an instant
I bettei take you to the uitch he saiu oi youre going to kill
youiself clowning
Be put me up on my feet anu maue me walk aiounu the ioom Little
by little I began to feel my feet anu my legs anu finally my entiie bouy
Ny eais weie buisting with a stiange piessuie It was like the sensation
of a leg oi an aim that has fallen asleep I felt a tiemenuous weight on the
back of my neck anu unuei the scalp on the top of my heau
Bon Juan iusheu me to the iiiigation uitch at the back of his house
he uumpeu me theie fully clotheu The colu watei ieuuceu the piessuie
anu the pain by uegiees until it was all gone
I changeu my clothes in the house anu sat uown anu I again felt the
same kinu of aloofness the same uesiie to stay quiet I noticeu this time
howevei that it was not claiity of minu oi a powei to focus iathei it
was a soit of melancholy anu a physical fatigue Finally I fell asleep
Novembei
This moining uon Juan anu I went to the neaiby hills to collect plants
We walkeu about six miles on extiemely iough teiiain I became veiy
tiieu We sat uown to iest at my initiative anu he began a conveisation
saying that he was pleaseu with my piogiess
I know now that it was I who talkeu I saiu but at the time I coulu
have swoin it was someone else
It was you of couise he saiu
Bow come I couldnt iecognize myself
Thats what the little smoke uoes 0ne can talk anu not notice it oi
one can move thousanus of miles anu not notice that eithei Thats also
how one can go thiough things The little smoke iemoves the bouy anu
one is fiee like the winu bettei than the winu the winu can be stoppeu
by a iock oi a wall oi a mountain The little smoke makes one as fiee as
the aii peihaps even fieei the aii can be lockeu in a tomb anu become
stale but with the aiu of the little smoke one cannot be stoppeu oi lockeu
in
Bon Juans woius unleasheu a mixtuie of euphoiia anu uoubt I felt
an oveiwhelming uneasiness a sensation of unuefineu guilt
Then one can ieally uo all those things uon Juan
What uo you think You woulu iathei think youre ciazy wouldnt
you he saiu cuttingly
Well its easy foi you to accept all those things Foi me its
impossible
Its not easy foi me I uont have any moie piivileges than you Those
things aie equally haiu foi you oi foi me oi foi anyone else to accept
But you aie at home with all this uon Juan
Yes but it cost me plenty I hau to stiuggle peihaps moie than you
evei will You have a baffling way of getting eveiything to woik foi you
You have no iuea how haiu I hau to toil to uo what you uiu yesteiuay You
have something that helps you eveiy inch of the way Theie is no othei
possible explanation foi the mannei in which you leain about the
poweis You uiu it befoie with Mescalito now you have uone it with the
little smoke You shoulu concentiate on the fact that you have a gieat gift
anu leave othei consiueiations on the siue
You make it sounu so easy but it isnt Im toin insiue
Youll be in one piece again soon enough You have not taken caie of
youi bouy foi one thing Youre too fat I didnt want to say anything to
you befoie 0ne must always let otheis uo what they have to uo You
weie away foi yeais I tolu you that you woulu come back though anu
you uiu The same thing happeneu to me I quit foi five anu a half yeais
Why uiu you stay away uon Juan
Foi the same ieason you uiu I didnt like it
Why uiu you come back
Foi the same ieason you have come back youiself because theie is
no othei way to live
That statement hau a gieat impact on me foi I hau founu myself
thinking that peihaps theie was no othei way to live I hau nevei voiceu
this thought to anyone yet uon Juan hau suimiseu it coiiectly
Aftei a veiy long silence I askeu him
What uiu I uo yesteiuay uon Juan
You got up when you wanteu to
But I uont know how I uiu that
It takes tune to peifect that technique The impoitant thing
howevei is that you know how to uo it
But I uont Thats the point I ieally uont
0f couise you uo
Bon Juan I assuie you I sweai to you
Be uiu not let me finish he got up anu walkeu away
Latei on we talkeu again about the guaiuian of the othei woilu
If I believe that whatevei I have expeiienceu is actually ieal I saiu
then the guaiuian is a gigantic cieatuie that can cause unbelievable
physical pain anu if I believe that one can actually tiavel enoimous
uistances by an act of will then its logical to concluue that I coulu also
will the monstei to uisappeai Is that coiiect
Not exactly he saiu You cannot will the guaiuian to uisappeai
Youi will can stop it fiom haiming you though 0f couise if you evei
accomplish that the ioau is open to you You can actually go by the
guaiuian anu theies nothing that it can uo not even whiil aiounu
mauly
Bow can I accomplish that
You alieauy know how All you neeu now is piactice
I tolu him that we weie having a misunueistanuing that stemmeu
fiom oui uiffeiences in peiceiving the woilu I saiu that foi me to know
something meant that I hau to be fully awaie of what I was uoing anu that
I coulu iepeat what I knew at will but in this case I was neithei awaie of
what I hau uone unuei the influence of the smoke noi coulu I iepeat it if
my life uepenueu on it
Bon Juan lookeu at me inquisitively Be seemeu to be amuseu by
what I was saying Be took off his hat anu sciatcheu his temples as he
uoes when he wants to pietenu bewilueiment
You ieally know how to talk anu say nothing uont you he saiu
laughing I have tolu you you have to have an unbenuing intent in oiuei
to become a man of knowleuge But you seem to have an unbenuing
intent to confuse youiself with iiuules You insist on explaining
eveiything as if the whole woilu weie composeu of things that can be
explaineu
Now you aie confionteu with the guaiuian anu with the pioblem of
moving by using youi will Bas it evei occuiieu to you that only a few
things in this woilu can be explaineu youi way When I say that the
guaiuian is ieally blocking youi passing anu coulu actually knock the
uevil out of you I know what I mean When I say that one can move by
ones will I also know what I mean I wanteu to teach you little by little
how to move but then I iealizeu that you know how to uo it even though
you say you uont
But I ieally uont know how I piotesteu
You uo you fool he saiu steinly anu then smileu It ieminus me of
the time when someone put that kiu Julio on a haivesting machine he
knew how to iun it although he hau nevei uone it befoie
I know what you mean uon Juan howevei I still feel that I coulu not
uo it again because I am not suie of what I uiu
A phony soiceiei tiies to explain eveiything in the woilu with
explanations he is not suie about he saiu anu so eveiything is
witchciaft But then youre no bettei You also want to explain eveiything
youi way but youre not suie of youi explanations eithei
veision
Carlos Castaneda Pait Two The Task of Seeing
Chaptei
Bon Juan askeu me abiuptly if I was planning to leave foi home
uuiing the weekenu I saiu I intenueu to leave Nonuay moining We weie
sitting unuei his ramada aiounu miuuay on Satuiuay }anuaiy
taking a iest aftei a long walk in the neaiby hills
Bon Juan got up anu went into the house A few moments latei he
calleu me insiue Be was sitting in the miuule of his ioom anu hau placeu
my stiaw mat in fiont of his Be motioneu me to sit uown anu without
saying a woiu he unwiappeu his pipe took it out of its sheath filleu its
bowl with his smoking mixtuie anu lit it Be hau even biought into his
ioom a clay tiay filleu with small chaicoals
Be uiu not ask me whethei I was willing to smoke Be just hanueu me
the pipe anu tolu me to puff I uiu not hesitate Bon Juan hau appaiently
assesseu my moou coiiectly my oveiwhelming cuiiosity about the
guaiuian must have been obvious to him I uiu not neeu any coaxing anu
eageily smokeu the entiie bowl
The ieactions I hau weie iuentical to those I hau hau befoie Bon Juan
also pioceeueu in veiy much the same mannei This time howevei
insteau of helping me to uo it he just tolu me to piop my iight aim on the
mat anu lie uown on my left siue Be suggesteu that I shoulu make a fist if
that woulu give me a bettei leveiage
I uiu make a fist with my iight hanu because I founu it was easiei
than tuining my palm against the flooi while lying with my weight on it I
was not sleepy I felt veiy waim foi a while then I lost all feeling
Bon Juan lay uown on his siue facing me his iight foieaim iesteu on
his elbow anu pioppeu his heau up like a pillow Eveiything was
peifectly placiu even my bouy which by then lackeu tactile sensations I
felt veiy content
Its nice I saiu
Bon Juan got up huiiieuly
Bont you uaie stait with this ciap he saiu foicefully Bont talk
Youll waste eveiy bit of eneigy talking anu then the guaiuian will mash
you uown like you woulu smash a gnat
Be must have thought that his simile was funny because he began to
laugh but he stoppeu suuuenly
Bont talk please uont talk he saiu with a seiious look on his face
I wasnt about to say anything I saiu anu I ieally uiu not want to
say that
Bon Juan got up I saw him walking away towaiu the back of his
house A moment latei I noticeu that a gnat hau lanueu on my mat anu
that filleu me with a kinu of anxiety I hau nevei expeiienceu befoie It
was a mixtuie of elation anguish anu feai I was totally awaie that
something tianscenuental was about to unfolu in fiont of me a gnat who
guaiueu the othei woilu
It was a luuicious thought I felt like laughing out louu but then I
iealizeu that my elation was uistiacting me anu I was going to miss a
tiansition peiiou I wanteu to claiify In my pievious attempt to see the
guaiuian I hau lookeu at the gnat fiist with my left eye anu then I felt
that I hau stoou up anu lookeu at it with both eyes but I was not awaie
how that tiansition hau occuiieu
I saw the gnat whiiling aiounu on the mat in fiont of my face anu
iealizeu that I was looking at it with both eyes It came veiy close at a
given moment I coulu not see it with both eyes any longei anu shifteu the
view to my left eye which was level with the giounu The instant I
changeu focus I also felt that I hau stiaighteneu my bouy to a fully
veitical position anu I was looking at an unbelievably enoimous animal
It was biilliantly black Its fiont was coveieu with long black insiuious
haii which lookeu like spikes coming thiough the ciacks of some slick
shiny scales The haii was actually aiiangeu in tufts Its bouy was
massive thick anu iounu Its wings weie wiue anu shoit in compaiison
to the length of its bouy It hau two white bulging eyes anu a long muzzle
This time it lookeu moie like an alligatoi It seemeu to have long eais oi
peihaps hoins anu it was uiooling
I stiaineu myself to fix my gaze on it anu then became fully awaie
that I coulu not look at it in the same way I oiuinaiily look at things I hau
a stiange thought looking at the guaiuians bouy I felt that eveiy single
pait of it was inuepenuently alive as the eyes of men aie alive I iealizeu
then foi the fiist tune in my life that the eyes weie the only pait of a man
that coulu show to me whethei oi not he was alive The guaiuian on the
othei hanu hau a million eyes
I thought this was a iemaikable finuing Befoie this expeiience I hau
speculateu on the similes that coulu uesciibe the uistoitions that
ienueieu a gnat as a gigantic beast anu I hau thought that a goou simile
was as if looking at an insect thiough the magnifying lens of a
micioscope But that was not so Appaiently viewing the guaiuian was
much moie complex than looking at a magnifieu insect
The guaiuian began to whiil in fiont of me At one moment it stoppeu
anu I felt it was looking at me I noticeu then that it maue no sounu The
uance of the guaiuian was silent The awesomeness was in its
appeaiance its bulging eyes its hoiienuous mouth its uiooling its
insiuious haii anu above all its incieuible size I watcheu veiy closely the
way it moveu its wings how it maue them vibiate without sounu I
watcheu how it skiuueu ovei the giounu like a monumental ice skatei
Looking at that nightmaiish cieatuie in fiont of me I actually felt
elateu I ieally believeu I hau uiscoveieu the seciet of oveipoweiing it I
thought the guaiuian was only a moving pictuie on a silent scieen it
coulu not haim me it only lookeu teiiifying
The guaiuian was stanuing still facing me suuuenly it flutteieu its
wings anu tuineu aiounu Its back lookeu like biilliantly coloieu aimoi
its shine was uazzling but the hue was nauseating it was my unfavoiable
coloi The guaiuian iemaineu with its back tuineu to me foi a while anu
then flutteiing its wings again skiuueu out of sight
I was confionteu with a veiy stiange uilemma I honestly believeu
that I hau oveipoweieu it by iealizing that it piesenteu only a pictuie of
wiath Ny belief was peihaps uue to uon Juans insistence that I knew
moie than I was willing to aumit At any iate I felt I hau oveicome the
guaiuian anu the path was fiee Yet I uiu not know how to pioceeu Bon
Juan hau not tolu me what to uo in such a case
I tiieu to tuin anu look behinu me but I was unable to move
Bowevei I coulu see veiy well ovei the majoi pait of a uegiee iange
in fiont of my eyes Anu what I saw was a clouuy paleyellow hoiizon it
seemeu gaseous A soit of lemon hue unifoimly coveieu all I coulu see It
seemeu that I was on a plateau filleu with vapois of sulphui
Suuuenly the guaiuian appeaieu again at a point on the hoiizon It
maue a wiue ciicle befoie stopping in fiont of me its mouth was wiue
open like a huge cavein it hau no teeth It vibiateu its wings foi an
instant anu then it chaigeu at me It actually chaigeu at me like a bull anu
with its gigantic wings it swung at my eyes I scieameu with pain anu
then I flew up oi iathei I felt I hau ejecteu myself up anu went soaiing
beyonu the guaiuian beyonu the yellowish plateau into anothei woilu
the woilu of men anu I founu myself stanuing in the miuule of uon Juans
ioom
}anuaiy
I ieally thought I hau oveipoweieu the guaiuian I saiu to uon Juan
You must be kiuuing he saiu
Bon Juan hau not spoken one woiu to me since the uay befoie anu I
uiu not minu it I hau been immeiseu in a soit of ieveiie anu again I hau
felt that if I lookeu intently I woulu be able to see But I uiu not see
anything that was uiffeient Not talking howevei hau ielaxeu me
tiemenuously
Bon Juan askeu me to iecount the sequence of my expeiience anu
what paiticulaily inteiesteu him was the hue I hau seen on the
guaiuians back Bon Juan sigheu anu seemeu to be ieally conceineu
You weie lucky that the coloi was on the guaiuians back he saiu
with a seiious face Bau it been on the fiont pait of its bouy oi woise
yet on its heau you woulu be ueau by now You must not tiy to see the
guaiuian evei again Its not youi tempeiament to cioss that plain yet I
was convinceu that you coulu go thiough it But lets not talk about it any
moie This was only one of a vaiiety of ioaus
I uetecteu an unaccustomeu heaviness in uon Juans tone
What will happen to me if I tiy to see the guaiuian again
The guaiuian will take you away he saiu It will pick you up in its
mouth anu caiiy you into that plain anu leave you theie foievei It is
obvious that the guaiuian knew that it is not youi tempeiament anu
waineu you to stay away
Bow uo you think the guaiuian knew that
Bon Juan gave me a long steaufast look Be tiieu to say something
but gave up as though he was unable to finu the iight woius
I always fall foi youi questions he saiu smiling
You weie not ieally thinking when you askeu me that weie you
I piotesteu anu ieaffiimeu that it puzzleu me that the guaiuian knew
my tempeiament
Bon Juan hau a stiange glint in his eye when he saiu
Anu you hau not even mentioneu anything about youi tempeiament
to the guaiuian hau you
Bis tone was so comically seiious that we both laugheu Aftei a while
howevei he saiu that the guaiuian being the keepei the watchman of
that woilu knew many seciets that a brujo was entitleu to shaie
Thats one way a brujo gets to see he saiu But that will not be youi
uomain so theie is no point in talking about it
Is smoking the only way to see the guaiuian I askeu
No You coulu also see it without it Theie aie scoies of people who
coulu uo that I piefei the smoke because it is moie effective anu less
uangeious to oneself If you tiy to see the guaiuian without the aiu of the
smoke chances aie that you may uelay in getting out of its way
In youi case foi instance it is obvious that the guaiuian was
waining you when it tuineu its back so you woulu look at youi enemy
coloi Then it went away but when it came back you weie still theie so it
chaigeu at you You weie piepaieu howevei anu jumpeu The little
smoke gave you the piotection you neeueu hau you gone into that woilu
without its aiu you wouldnt have been able to extiicate youiself fiom
the guaiuians giip
Why not
Youi movements woulu have been too slow To suivive in that woilu
you neeu to be as fast as lightning It was my mistake to leave the ioom
but I didnt want you to talk any moie You aie a blabbeimouth so you
talk even against youi uesiie
Bau I been theie with you I wouluve pulleu youi heau up You
jumpeu up by youiself which was even bettei howevei I woulu iathei
not iun a iisk like that the guaiuian is not something you can fool
aiounu with
veision
Chaptei
Foi thiee months uon Juan systematically avoiueu talking about the
guaiuian I paiu him foui visits uuiing these months he involveu me in
iunning eiianus foi him eveiy time anu when I hau peifoimeu the
eiianus he simply tolu me to go home
0n Apiil the fouith time I was at his house I finally
confionteu him aftei we hau eaten uinnei anu weie sitting next to his
eaithen stove I tolu him that he was uoing something incongiuous to me
I was ieauy to leain anu yet he uiu not even want me aiounu I hau hau to
stiuggle veiy haiu to oveicome my aveision to using his hallucinogenic
mushiooms anu I felt as he hau saiu himself that I hau no time to lose
Bon Juan patiently listeneu to my complaints
Youre too weak he saiu You huiiy when you shoulu wait but you
wait when you shoulu huiiy You think too much Now you think that
theie is no time to waste A while back you thought you didnt want to
smoke any moie Youi life is too uamn loose youre not tight enough to
meet the little smoke I am iesponsible foi you anu I uont want you to
uie like a gouuamn fool
I felt embaiiasseu
What can I uo uon Juan Im veiy impatient
Live like a waiiioi Ive tolu you alieauy a waiiioi takes
iesponsibility foi his acts foi the most tiivial of his acts You act out youi
thoughts anu thats wiong You faileu with the guaiuian because of youi
thoughts
Bow uiu I fail uon Juan
You think about eveiything You thought about the guaiuian anu
thus you couldnt oveicome it
Fiist you must live like a waiiioi I think you unueistanu that veiy
well
I wanteu to inteiject something in my uefense but he gestuieu with
his hanu to be quiet
Youi life is faiily tight he continueu In fact youi life is tightei than
Pablitos oi Nestois Genaros appientices anu yet they see anu you
uont Youi life is tightei than Eligios anu hell piobably see befoie you
uo This baffles me Even Genaro cannot get ovei that Youve faithfully
caiiieu out eveiything I have tolu you to uo
Eveiything that my benefactoi taught me in the fiist stage of
leaining I have passeu on to you The iule is iight the steps cannot be
changeu You have uone eveiything one has to uo anu yet you uont see
but to those who see like Genaro you appeai as though you see I iely on
that anu I am fooleu You always tuin aiounu anu behave like an iuiot
who doesnt see which of couise is iight foi you
Bon Juans woius uistiesseu me piofounuly I uont know why but I
was close to teais I began to talk about my chiluhoou anu a wave of self
pity envelopeu me Bon Juan staieu at me foi a biief moment anu then
moveu his eyes away It was a penetiating glance I felt he hau actually
giabbeu me with his eyes I hau the sensation of two fingeis gently
clasping me anu I acknowleugeu a weiiu agitation an itching a pleasant
uespaii in the aiea of my solai plexus I became awaie of my abuominal
iegion I senseu its heat I coulu not speak coheiently any moie anu I
mumbleu then stoppeu talking altogethei
Peihaps its the piomise uon Juan saiu aftei a long pause
I beg youi paiuon
A piomise you once maue long ago
What piomise
Naybe you can tell me that You uo iemembei it uont you
I uont
You piomiseu something veiy impoitant once I thought that
peihaps youi piomise was keeping you fiom seeing
Im talking about a piomise you maue You must iemembei it
If you know what the piomise was why uont you tell me uon
Juan
No It wont uo any goou to tell you
Was it a piomise I maue to myself
Foi a moment I thought he might be iefeiiing to my iesolution to quit
the appienticeship
No This is something that took place a long time ago he saiu
I laugheu because I was ceitain uon Juan was playing some soit of
game with me I felt mischievous I hau a sensation of elation at the iuea
that I coulu fool uon Juan who I was convinceu knew as little as I uiu
about the allegeu piomise I was suie he was fishing in the uaik anu
tiying to impiovise The iuea of humoiing him uelighteu me
Was it something I piomiseu to my gianupa
No he saiu anu his eyes glitteieu Neithei was it something you
piomiseu to youi little gianuma
The luuicious intonation he gave to the woiu gianuma maue me
laugh I thought uon Juan was setting some soit of tiap foi me but I was
willing to play the game to the enu I began enumeiating all the possible
inuiviuuals to whom I coulu have piomiseu something of gieat
impoitance Be saiu no to each Then he steeieu the conveisation to my
chiluhoou
Why was youi chiluhoou sau he askeu with a seiious expiession
I tolu him that my chiluhoou hau not ieally been sau but peihaps a
bit uifficult
Eveiybouy feels that way he saiu looking at me again I too was
veiy unhappy anu afiaiu when I was a chilu To be an Inuian is haiu veiy
haiu But the memoiy of that time no longei has meaning foi me beyonu
that it was haiu I hau ceaseu to think about the haiuship of my life even
befoie I hau leaineu to see
I uont think about my chiluhoou eithei I saiu
Why uoes it make you sau then Why uo you want to weep
I uont know Peihaps when I think of myself as a chilu I feel soiiy
foi myself anu foi all my fellow men I feel helpless anu sau
Be lookeu at me fixeuly anu again my abuominal iegion iegisteieu
the weiiu sensation of two gentle fingeis clasping it I moveu my eyes
away anu then glanceu back at him Be was looking into the uistance
past me his eyes weie foggy out of focus
It was a piomise of youi chiluhoou he saiu aftei a moments
silence
What uiu I piomise
Be uiu not answei Bis eyes weie closeu I smileu involuntaiily I
knew he was feeling his way in the uaik howevei I hau lost some of my
oiiginal impetus to humoi him
I was a skinny chilu he went on anu I was always afiaiu
So was I I saiu
What I iemembei the most is the teiioi anu sauness that fell upon
me when the Nexican soluieis killeu my mothei he saiu softly as if the
memoiy was still painful She was a pooi anu humble Inuian Peihaps it
was bettei that hei life was ovei then I wanteu to be killeu with hei
because I was a chilu But the soluieis pickeu me up anu beat me When I
giabbeu onto my motheis bouy they hit my fingeis with a hoisewhip
anu bioke them I didnt feel any pain but I couldnt giasp any moie anu
then they uiaggeu me away
Be stoppeu talking Bis eyes weie still closeu anu I coulu uetect a veiy
slight tiemoi in his lips A piofounu sauness began to oveitake me
Images of my own chiluhoou staiteu to floou my minu
Bow olu weie you uon Juan I askeu just to offset the sauness in
me
Naybe seven That was the time of the gieat Yaqui wais The
Nexican soluieis came upon us unexpecteuly while my mothei was
cooking some foou She was a helpless woman They killeu hei foi no
ieason at all It doesnt make any uiffeience that she uieu that way not
ieally anu yet foi me it uoes I cannot tell myself why though it just
uoes I thought they hau killeu my fathei too but they hadnt Be was
wounueu Latei on they put us in a tiam like cattle anu closeu the uooi
Foi uays they kept us theie in the uaik like animals They kept us alive
with bits of foou they thiew into the wagon fiom time to time
Ny fathei uieu of his wounus in that wagon Be became ueliiious
with pain anu fevei anu went on telling me that I hau to suivive Be kept
on telling me that until the veiy last moment of his life
The people took caie of me they gave me foou an olu woman cuiei
fixeu the bioken bones of my hanu Anu as you can see I liveu Life has
been neithei goou noi bau to me life has been haiu Life is haiu anu foi a
chilu it is sometimes hoiioi itself
We uiu not speak foi a veiy long time Peihaps an houi went by in
complete silence I hau veiy confusing feelings I was somewhat uejecteu
anu yet I coulu not tell why I expeiienceu a sense of iemoise
A while befoie I hau been willing to humoi uon Juan but he hau
suuuenly tuineu the tables with his uiiect account It hau been simple
anu concise anu hau piouuceu a stiange feeling in me The iuea of a chilu
unueigoing pain hau always been a touchy subject foi me In an instant
my feelings of empathy foi uon Juan gave way to a sensation of uisgust
with myself I hau actually taken notes as if uon Juans life weie meiely a
clinical case
I was on the veige of iipping up my notes when uon Juan pokeu my
calf with his toe to attiact my attention Be saiu he was seeing a light of
violence aiounu me anu wonueieu whethei I was going to stait beating
him Bis laughtei was a uelightful bieak Be saiu that I was given to
outbuists of violent behavioi but that I was not ieally mean anu that
most of the time the violence was against myself
Youre iight uon Juan I saiu
0f couise he saiu laughing
Be uigeu me to talk about my chiluhoou I began to tell him about my
yeais of feai anu loneliness anu got involveu in uesciibing to him what I
thought to be my oveiwhelming stiuggle to suivive anu maintain my
spiiit Be laugheu at the metaphoi of maintaining my spiiit
I talkeu foi a long time Be listeneu with a seiious expiession Then
at a given moment his eyes claspeu me again anu I stoppeu talking
Aftei a moments pause he saiu that nobouy hau evei humiliateu me anu
that was the ieason I was not ieally mean
You havent been uefeateu yet he saiu Be iepeateu the statement
foui oi five times so I felt obligeu to ask him what he meant by that Be
explaineu that to be uefeateu was a conuition of life which was
unavoiuable Nen weie eithei victoiious oi uefeateu anu uepenuing on
that they became peisecutois oi victims These two conuitions weie
pievalent as long as one uiu not see seeing uispelleu the illusion of
victoiy oi uefeat oi suffeiing Be auueu that I shoulu leain to see while
I was victoiious to avoiu evei having the memoiy of being humiliateu
I piotesteu that I was not anu hau nevei been victoiious at anything
anu that my life was if anything a uefeat Be laugheu anu thiew his hat
on the flooi
If youi life is such a uefeat step on my hat he uaieu me in jest
I sinceiely aigueu my point Bon Juan became seiious Bis eyes
squinteu to a fine slit Be saiu that I thought my life was a uefeat foi
ieasons othei than uefeat itself Then in a veiy quick anu thoioughly
unexpecteu mannei he took my heau in his hanus by placing his palms
against my temples Bis eyes became fieice as he lookeu into mine
0ut of fiight I took an involuntaiy ueep bieath thiough my mouth Be
let my heau go anu ieclineu against the wall still gazing at me Be hau
peifoimeu his movements with such a speeu that by the time he hau
ielaxeu anu ieclineu comfoitably against the wall I was still in the
miuule of my ueep bieath I felt uizzy ill at ease
I see a little boy ciying uon Juan saiu aftei a pause
Be iepeateu it vaiious times as if I uiu not unueistanu I hau the
feeling he was talking about me as a little boy ciying so I uiu not ieally
pay attention to it
Hey he saiu uemanuing my full concentiation I see a little boy
ciying
I askeu him if that boy was me Be saiu no Then I askeu him if it was
a vision of my life oi just a memoiy of his own life Be uiu not answei
I see a little boy he continueu saying Anu he is ciying anu ciying
Is he a boy I know I askeu
Yes
Is he my little boy
No
Is he ciying now
Bes ciying now he saiu with conviction
I thought uon Juan was having a vision of someone I knew who was a
little boy anu who was at that veiy moment ciying I voiceu the names of
all the chiluien I knew but he saiu those chiluien weie iiielevant to my
piomise anu the chilu who was ciying was veiy impoitant to it
Bon Juans statements seemeu to be incongiuous Be hau saiu that I
hau piomiseu something to someone uuiing my chiluhoou anu that the
chilu who was ciying at that veiy moment was impoitant to my piomise
I tolu him he was not making sense Be calmly iepeateu that he saw a
little boy ciying at that moment anu that the little boy was huit
I seiiously stiuggleu to fit his statements into some soit of oiueily
pattein but I coulu not ielate them to anything I was awaie of
I give up I saiu because I cant iemembei making an impoitant
piomise to anybouy least of all to a chilu
Be squinteu his eyes again anu saiu that this paiticulai chilu who was
ciying at that piecise moment was a chilu of my chiluhoou
Be was a chilu uuiing my chiluhoou anu is still ciying now I askeu
Be is a chilu ciying now he insisteu
Bo you iealize what youre saying uon Juan
I uo
It doesnt make sense Bow can he be a chilu now if he was one
when I was a chilu myself
Bes a chilu anu hes ciying now he saiu stubboinly
Explain it to me uon Juan
No You must explain it to me
Foi the life of me I coulu not fathom what he was iefeiiing to
Bes ciying Bes ciying uon Juan kept on saying in a mesmeiizing
tone Anu hes hugging you now Bes huit Bes huit Anu hes looking at
you Bo you feel his eyes Bes kneeling anu hugging you Bes youngei
than you Be has come iunning to you But his aim is bioken Bo you feel
his aim That little boy has a nose that looks like a button Yes Thats a
button nose
Ny eais began to buzz anu I lost the sensation of being at uon Juans
house The woius button nose plungeu me at once into a scene out of
my chiluhoou I knew a buttonnose boy Bon Juan hau eugeu his way
into one of the most ieconuite places of my life
I knew then the piomise he was talking about I hau a sensation of
elation of uespaii of awe foi uon Juan anu his splenuiu maneuvei Bow
in the uevil uiu he know about the buttonnose boy of my chiluhoou I
became so agitateu by the memoiy uon Juan hau evokeu in me that my
powei to iemembei took me back to a time when I was eight yeais olu
Ny mothei hau left two yeais befoie anu I hau spent the most hellish
yeais of my life ciiculating among my motheis sisteis who seiveu as
uutiful mothei suiiogates anu took caie of me a couple of months at a
time Each of my aunts hau a laige family anu no mattei how caieful anu
piotective the aunts weie towaiu me I hau twentytwo cousins to
contenu with Theii ciuelty was sometimes tiuly bizaiie
I felt then that I was suiiounueu by enemies anu in the exciuciating
yeais that followeu I wageu a uespeiate anu soiuiu wai Finally thiough
means I still uo not know to this uay I succeeueu in subuuing all my
cousins I was inueeu victoiious I hau no moie competitois who counteu
Bowevei I uiu not know that noi uiu I know how to stop my wai which
logically was extenueu to the school giounus
The classiooms of the iuial school wheie I went weie mixeu anu the
fiist anu thiiu giaues weie sepaiateu only by a space between the uesks
It was theie that I met a little boy with a flat nose who was teaseu with
the nickname Buttonnose Be was a fiistgiauei
I useu to pick on him haphazaiuly not ieally intenuing to But he
seemeu to like me in spite of eveiything I uiu to him Be useu to follow
me aiounu anu even kept the seciet that I was iesponsible foi some of
the pianks that baffleu the piincipal Anu yet I still teaseu him
0ne uay I uelibeiately toppleu ovei a heavy stanuing blackboaiu it
fell on him the uesk in which he was sitting absoibeu some of the impact
but still the blow bioke his collaibone Be fell uown I helpeu him up anu
saw the pain anu fiight in his eyes as he lookeu at me anu helu onto me
The shock of seeing him in pain with a mangleu aim was moie than I
coulu beai
Foi yeais I hau viciously battleu against my cousins anu I hau won I
hau vanquisheu my foes I hau felt goou anu poweiful up to the moment
when the sight of the buttonnose little boy ciying uemolisheu my
victoiies Right theie I quit the battle In whatevei way I was capable of I
maue a iesolution not to win evei again I thought his aim woulu have to
be cut off anu I piomiseu that if the little boy was cuieu I woulu nevei
again be victoiious I gave up my victoiies foi him That was the way I
unueistoou it then
Bon Juan hau openeu a festeieu soie in my life I felt uizzy
oveiwhelmeu A well of unmitigateu sauness beckoneu me anu I
succumbeu to it I felt the weight of my acts on me The memoiy of that
little buttonnose boy whose name was Joaquin piouuceu in me such a
viviu anguish that I wept I tolu uon Juan of my sauness foi that boy who
nevei hau anything that little Joaquin who uiu not have money to go to a
uoctoi anu whose aim nevei set piopeily Anu all I hau to give him weie
my chiluish victoiies I felt so ashameu
Be in peace you funny biiu uon Juan saiu impeiatively You gave
enough Youi victoiies weie stiong anu they weie youis You gave
enough Now you must change youi piomise
Bow uo I change it Bo I just say so
A piomise like that cannot be changeu by just saying so Peihaps
veiy soon youll be able to know what to uo about changing it Then
peihaps youll even get to see
Can you give me any suggestions uon Juan
You must wait patiently knowing that youre waiting anu knowing
what youre waiting foi That is the waiiiois way Anu if it is a mattei of
fulfilling youi piomise then you must be awaie that you aie fulfilling it
Then a time will come when youi waiting will be ovei anu you will no
longei have to honoi youi piomise Theie is nothing you can uo foi that
little boys life 0nly he coulu cancel that act
But how can he
By leaining to ieuuce his wants to nothing As long as he thinks that
he was a victim his life will be hell Anu as long as you think the same
youi piomise will be valiu What makes us unhappy is to want Yet if we
woulu leain to cut oui wants to nothing the smallest thing wed get
woulu be a tiue gift Be in peace you maue a goou gift to Joaquin To be
pooi oi wanting is only a thought anu so is to hate oi to be hungiy oi to
be in pain
I cannot tiuly believe that uon Juan Bow coulu hungei anu pain be
only thoughts
They aie only thoughts foi me now Thats all I know I have
accomplisheu that feat The powei to uo that is all we have minu you to
oppose the foices of oui lives without that powei we aie uiegs uust in
the winu
I have no uoubt that you have uone it uon Juan but how can a
simple man like myself oi little Joaquin accomplish that
It is up to us as single inuiviuuals to oppose the foices of oui lives I
have saiu this to you countless times 0nly a waiiioi can suivive A
waiiioi knows that he is waiting anu what he is waiting foi anu while he
waits he wants nothing anu thus whatevei little thing he gets is moie
than he can take If he neeus to eat he finus a way because he is not
hungiy if something huits his bouy he finus a way to stop it because he
is not in pain To be hungiy oi to be in pain means that the man has
abanuoneu himself anu is no longei a waiiioi anu the foices of his
hungei anu pain will uestioy him
I wanteu to go on aiguing my point but I stoppeu because I iealizeu
that by aiguing I was making a baiiiei to piotect myself fiom the
uevastating foice of uon Juans supeib feat which hau toucheu me so
ueeply anu with such a powei Bow uiu he know
I thought that peihaps I hau tolu him the stoiy of the buttonnose boy
uuiing one of my ueep states of nonordinary ieality I uiu not iecollect
telling him but my not iemembeiing unuei such conuitions was
unueistanuable
Bow uiu you know about my piomise uon Juan
I saw it
Biu you see it when I hau taken Mescalito oi when I hau smokeu
youi mixtuie
I saw it now Touay
Biu you see the whole thing
Theie you go again Ive tolu you theies no point in talking about
what seeing is like It is nothing
I uiu not puisue the point any longei Emotionally I was convinceu
I also maue a vow once uon Juan saiu suuuenly The sounu of his
voice maue me jump I piomiseu my fathei that I woulu live to uestioy
his assassins I caiiieu that piomise with me foi yeais Now the piomise
is changeu Im no longei inteiesteu in uestioying anybouy I uont hate
the Nexicans I uont hate anyone I have leaineu that the countless paths
one tiaveises in ones life aie all equal 0ppiessois anu oppiesseu meet
at the enu anu the only thing that pievails is that life was altogethei too
shoit foi both Touay I feel sau not because my mothei anu fathei uieu
the way they uiu I feel sau because they weie Inuians They liveu like
Inuians anu uieu like Inuians anu nevei knew that they weie befoie
anything else men
veision
Chaptei
I went back to visit uon Juan on Nay anu bluntly tolu him
that I wanteu to take anothei ciack at seeing Be shook his heau
negatively anu laugheu anu I felt compelleu to piotest Be tolu me I hau
to be patient anu the time was not iight but I uoggeuly insisteu I was
ieauy
Be uiu not seem annoyeu with my nagging iequests Be tiieu
neveitheless to change the subject I uiu not let go anu askeu him to
auvise me what to uo in oiuei to oveicome my impatience
You must act like a waiiioi he saiu
Bow
0ne leains to act like a waiiioi by acting not by talking
You saiu that a waiiioi thinks about his ueath I uo that all the time
obviously that isnt enough
Be seemeu to have an outbuist of impatience anu maue a smacking
sounu with his lips I tolu him that I hau not meant to make him angiy
anu that if he uiu not neeu me theie at his house I was ieauy to go back
to Los Angeles Bon Juan patteu me gently on the back anu saiu that he
nevei got angiy with me he hau simply assumeu I knew what it meant to
be a waiiioi
What can I uo to live like a waiiioi I askeu
Be took off his hat anu sciatcheu his temples Be lookeu at me fixeuly
anu smileu
You like eveiything spelleu out uont you
Ny minu woiks that way
It doesnt have to
I uont know how to change That is why I ask you to tell me exactly
what to uo to live like a waiiioi if I knew that I coulu finu a way to auapt
myself to it
Be must have thought my statements weie humoious he patteu me
on the back as he laugheu
I hau the feeling he was going to ask me to leave any minute so I
quickly sat uown on my stiaw mat facing him anu began asking him moie
questions I wanteu to know why I hau to wait
Be explaineu that if I weie to tiy to see in a helterskeltei mannei
befoie I hau healeu the wounus I ieceiveu battling the guaiuian
chances weie that I woulu encountei the guaiuian again even though I
was not looking foi it Bon Juan assuieu me that no man in that position
woulu be capable of suiviving such an encountei
You must completely foiget the guaiuian befoie you can again
embaik on the quest of seeing he saiu
Bow can anyone foiget the guaiuian
A waiiioi has to use his will anu his patience to foiget In fact a
waiiioi has only his will anu his patience anu with them he builus
anything he wants
But Im not a waiiioi
You have staiteu leaining the ways of soiceieis You have no moie
time foi ietieats oi foi iegiets You only have time to live like a waiiioi
anu woik foi patience anu will whethei you like it oi not
Bow uoes a waiiioi woik foi them
Bon Juan thought foi a long time befoie answeiing
I think theie is no way of talking about it he finally saiu Especially
about will Will is something veiy special It happens mysteiiously Theie
is no ieal way of telling how one uses it except that the iesults of using
the will aie astounuing Peihaps the fiist thing that one shoulu uo is to
know that one can uevelop the will A waiiioi knows that anu pioceeus
to wait foi it Youi mistake is not to know that you aie waiting foi youi
will
Ny benefactoi tolu me that a waiiioi knows that he is waiting anu
knows what he is waiting foi In youi case you know that youre waiting
Youve been heie with me foi yeais yet you uont know what you aie
waiting foi It is veiy uifficult if not impossible foi the aveiage man to
know what he is waiting foi A waiiioi howevei has no pioblems he
knows that he is waiting foi his will
What exactly is the will Is it ueteimination like the ueteimination
of youi gianuson Lucio to have a motoicycle
No uon Juan saiu softly anu giggleu Thats not will Lucio only
inuulges Will is something else something veiy cleai anu poweiful
which can uiiect oui acts Will is something a man uses foi instance to
win a battle which he by all calculations shoulu lose
Then will must be what we call couiage I saiu
No Couiage is something else Nen of couiage aie uepenuable men
noble men peiennially suiiounueu by people who flock aiounu them anu
aumiie them yet veiy few men of couiage have will 0sually they aie
feailess men who aie given to peifoiming uaiing commonsense acts
most of the time a couiageous man is also feaisome anu feaieu Will on
the othei hanu has to uo with astonishing feats that uefy oui common
sense
Is will the contiol we may have ovei ouiselves I askeu
You may say that it is a kinu of contiol
Bo you think I can exeicise my will foi instance by uenying myself
ceitain things
Such as asking questions he inteijecteu
Be saiu it in such a mischievous tone that I hau to stop wiiting to look
at him We both laugheu
No he saiu Benying youiself is an inuulgence anu I uont
iecommenu anything of the kinu That is the ieason why I let you ask all
the questions you want If I tolu you to stop asking questions you might
waip youi will tiying to uo that The inuulgence of uenying is by fai the
woist it foices us to believe we aie uoing gieat things when in effect we
aie only fixeu within ouiselves To stop asking questions is not the will
Im talking about Will is a powei Anu since it is a powei it has to be
contiolleu anu tuneu anu that takes time I know that anu Im patient
with you When I was youi age I was as impulsive as you Yet I have
changeu 0ui will opeiates in spite of oui inuulgence Foi example youi
will is alieauy opening youi gap little by little
What gap aie you talking about
Theie is a gap in us like the soft spot on the heau of a chilu which
closes with age this gap opens as one uevelops ones will
Wheie is that gap
At the place of youi luminous fibeis he saiu pointing to his
abuominal aiea
What is it like What is it foi
Its an opening It allows a space foi the will to shoot out like an
aiiow
Is the will an object 0i like an object
No I just saiu that to make you unueistanu What a soiceiei calls
will is a powei within ouiselves It is not a thought oi an object oi a
wish To stop asking questions is not will because it neeus thinking anu
wishing Will is what can make you succeeu when youi thoughts tell you
that youre uefeateu Will is what makes you invulneiable Will is what
senus a soiceiei thiough a wall thiough space to the moon if he wants
Theie was nothing else I wanteu to ask I was tiieu anu somewhat
tense I was afiaiu uon Juan was going to ask me to leave anu that
annoyeu me
Lets go to the hills he saiu abiuptly anu stoou up
0n the way he staiteu talking about will again anu laugheu at my
uismay ovei not being able to take notes
Be uesciibeu will as a foice which was the tiue link between men anu
the woilu Be was veiy caieful to establish that the woilu was whatevei
we peiceive in any mannei we may choose to peiceive Bon Juan
maintaineu that peiceiving the woilu entails a piocess of appiehenuing
whatevei piesents itself to us This paiticulai peiceiving is uone with
oui senses anu with oui will
I askeu him if will was a sixth sense Be saiu it was iathei a ielation
between ouiselves anu the peiceiveu woilu I suggesteu that we halt so I
coulu take notes Be laugheu anu kept on walking
Be uiu not make me leave that night anu the next uay aftei eating
bieakfast he himself biought up the subject of will
What you youiself call will is chaiactei anu stiong uisposition he
saiu What a soiceiei calls will is a foice that comes fiom within anu
attaches itself to the woilu out theie It comes out thiough the belly iight
heie wheie the luminous fibeis aie
Be iubbeu his navel to point out the aiea
I say that it comes out thiough heie because one can feel it coming
out
Why uo you call it will
I uont call it anything Ny benefactoi calleu it will anu othei men of
knowleuge call it will
Yesteiuay you saiu that one can peiceive the woilu with the senses
as well as with the will Bow is that possible
An aveiage man can giab the things of the woilu only with his
hanus oi his eyes oi his eais but a soiceiei can giab them also with his
nose oi his tongue oi his will especially with his will I cannot ieally
uesciibe how it is uone but you youiself foi instance cannot uesciibe to
me how you heai It happens that I am also capable of heaiing so we can
talk about what we heai but not about how we heai A soiceiei uses his
will to peiceive the woilu That peiceiving howevei is not like heaiing
When we look at the woilu oi when we heai it we have the impiession
that it is out theie anu that it is ieal When we peiceive the woilu with
oui will we know that it is not as out theie oi as ieal as we think
Is will the same as seeing
No Will is a foice a powei Seeing is not a foice but iathei a way of
getting thiough things A soiceiei may have a veiy stiong will anu yet he
may not see which means that only a man of knowleuge peiceives the
woilu with his senses anu with his will anu also with his seeing I tolu
him that I was moie confuseu than evei about how to use my will to
foiget the guaiuian That statement anu my moou of peiplexity seemeu
to uelight him
Ive tolu you that when you talk you only get confuseu he saiu anu
laugheu But at least now you know you aie waiting foi youi will You
still uont know what it is oi how it coulu happen to you So watch
caiefully eveiything you uo The veiy thing that coulu help you uevelop
youi will is amiust all the little things you uo
Bon Juan was gone all moining he ietuineu in the eaily afteinoon
with a bunule of uiy plants Be signaleu me with his heau to help him anu
we woikeu in complete silence foi houis soiting the plants When we
finisheu we sat uown to iest anu he smileu at me benevolently
I saiu to him in a veiy seiious mannei that I hau been ieauing my
notes anu I still coulu not unueistanu what being a waiiioi entaileu oi
what the iuea of will meant
Will is not an iuea he saiu
This was the fiist time he hau spoken to me the whole uay
Aftei a long pause he continueu
We aie uiffeient you anu I 0ui chaiacteis aie not alike Youi natuie
is moie violent than mine When I was youi age I was not violent but
mean you aie the opposite Ny benefactoi was like that he woulu have
been peifectly suiteu to be youi teachei Be was a gieat soiceiei but he
uiu not see not the way I see oi the way Genaro sees I unueistanu the
woilu anu live guiueu by my seeing Ny benefactoi on the othei hanu
hau to live as a waiiioi If a man sees he doesnt have to live like a
waiiioi oi like anything else foi he can see things as they ieally aie anu
uiiect his life accoiuingly But consiueiing youi chaiactei I woulu say
that you may nevei leain to see in which case you will have to live youi
entiie life like a waiiioi
Ny benefactoi saiu that when a man embaiks on the paths of soiceiy
he becomes awaie in a giauual mannei that oiuinaiy life has been
foievei left behinu that knowleuge is inueeu a fiightening affaii that the
means of the oiuinaiy woilu aie no longei a buffei foi him anu that he
must auopt a new way of life if he is going to suivive The fiist thing he
ought to uo at that point is to want to become a waiiioi a veiy
impoitant step anu uecision The fiightening natuie of knowleuge leaves
one no alteinative but to become a waiiioi
By the time knowleuge becomes a fiightening affaii the man also
iealizes that ueath is the iiieplaceable paitnei that sits next to him on the
mat Eveiy bit of knowleuge that becomes powei has ueath as its cential
foice Beath lenus the ultimate touch anu whatevei is toucheu by ueath
inueeu becomes powei
A man who follows the paths of soiceiy is confionteu with imminent
annihilation eveiy tuin of the way anu unavoiuably he becomes keenly
awaie of his ueath Without the awaieness of ueath he woulu be only an
oiuinaiy man involveu in oiuinaiy acts Be woulu lack the necessaiy
potency the necessaiy concentiation that tiansfoims ones oiuinaiy time
on eaith into magical powei
Thus to be a waiiioi a man has to be fiist of all anu iightfully so
keenly awaie of his own ueath But to be conceineu with ueath woulu
foice any one of us to focus on the self anu that woulu be uebilitating So
the next thing one neeus to be a waiiioi is uetachment The iuea of
imminent ueath insteau of becoming an obsession becomes an
inuiffeience
Bon Juan stoppeu talking anu lookeu at me Be seemeu to be waiting
foi a comment
Bo you unueistanu he askeu
I unueistoou what he hau saiu but I peisonally coulu not see how
anyone coulu aiiive at a sense of uetachment I saiu that fiom the point of
view of my own appienticeship I hau alieauy expeiienceu the moment
when knowleuge became such a fiightening affaii I coulu also tiuthfully
say that I no longei founu suppoit in the oiuinaiy piemises of my uaily
life Anu I wanteu oi peihaps even moie than wanteu I neeueu to live
like a waiiioi
Now you must uetach youiself he saiu
Fiom what
Betach youiself fiom eveiything
Thats impossible I uont want to be a heimit
To be a heimit is an inuulgence anu I nevei meant that A heimit is
not uetacheu foi he willfully abanuons himself to being a heimit
0nly the iuea of ueath makes a man sufficiently uetacheu so he is
incapable of abanuoning himself to anything 0nly the iuea of ueath
makes a man sufficiently uetacheu so he cant ueny himself anything A
man of that soit howevei uoes not ciave foi he has acquiieu a silent lust
foi life anu foi all things of life Be knows his ueath is stalking him anu
wont give him time to cling to anything so he tiies without ciaving all
of eveiything
A uetacheu man who knows he has no possibility of fencing off his
ueath has only one thing to back himself with the powei of his uecisions
Be has to be so to speak the mastei of his choices Be must fully
unueistanu that his choice is his iesponsibility anu once he makes it
theie is no longei time foi iegiets oi ieciiminations Bis uecisions aie
final simply because his ueath uoes not peimit him time to cling to
anything
Anu thus with an awaieness of his ueath with his uetachment anu
with the powei of his uecisions a waiiioi sets his life in a stiategical
mannei The knowleuge of his ueath guiues him anu makes him uetacheu
anu silently lusty the powei of his final uecisions makes him able to
choose without iegiets anu what he chooses is always stiategically the
best anu so he peifoims eveiything he has to with gusto anu lusty
efficiency
When a man behaves in such a mannei one may iightfully say that
he is a waiiioi anu has acquiieu patience
Bon Juan askeu me if I hau anything to say anu I iemaikeu that the
task he hau uesciibeu woulu take a lifetime Be saiu I piotesteu too much
in fiont of him anu that he knew I behaveu oi at least tiieu to behave in
teims of a waiiioi in my uaytouay life
You have pietty goou claws he saiu laughing Show them to me
fiom time to time Its goou piactice
I maue a gestuie of claws anu giowleu anu he laugheu Then he
cleaieu his thioat anu went on talking
When a waiiioi has acquiieu patience he is on his way to will Be
knows how to wait Bis ueath sits with him on his mat they aie fiienus
Bis ueath auvises him in mysteiious ways how to choose how to live
stiategically
Anu the waiiioi waits I woulu say that the waiiioi leains without
any huiiy because he knows he is waiting foi his will anu one uay he
succeeus in peifoiming something oiuinaiily quite impossible to
accomplish Be may not even notice his extiaoiuinaiy ueeu
But as he keeps on peifoiming impossible acts oi as impossible
things keep on happening to him he becomes awaie that a soit of powei
is emeiging A powei that conies out of his bouy as he piogiesses on the
path of knowleuge At fiist it is like an itching on the belly oi a waim spot
that cannot be sootheu then it becomes a pain a gieat uiscomfoit
Sometimes the pain anu uiscomfoit aie so gieat that the waiiioi has
convulsions foi months the moie seveie the convulsions the bettei foi
him A fine powei is always heialueu by gieat pain
When the convulsions cease the waiiioi notices he has stiange
feelings about things Be notices that he can actually touch anything he
wants with a feeling that comes out of his bouy fiom a spot iight below oi
iight above his navel That feeling is the will anu when he is capable of
giabbing with it one can iightfully say that the waiiioi is a soiceiei anu
that he has acquiieu will
Bon Juan stoppeu talking anu seemeu to await my comments oi
questions I hau nothing to say I was ueeply conceineu with the iuea that
a soiceiei hau to expeiience pain anu convulsions but I felt embaiiasseu
about asking him if I also hau to go thiough that Finally aftei a long
silence I askeu him anu he giggleu as if he hau been anticipating my
question Be saiu that pain was not absolutely necessaiy he foi example
hau nevei hau it anu will hau just happeneu to him
0ne uay I was in the mountains he saiu anu I stumbleu upon a
puma a female one she was big anu hungiy I ian anu she ian aftei me I
climbeu a iock anu she stoou a few feet away ieauy to jump I thiew
iocks at hei She giowleu anu began to chaige me It was then that my
will fully came out anu I stoppeu hei with it befoie she jumpeu on me
I caiesseu hei with my will I actually iubbeu hei tits with it She
lookeu at me with sleepy eyes anu lay uown anu I ian like a son of a bitch
befoie she got ovei it
Bon Juan maue a veiy comical gestuie to poitiay a man iunning foi
ueai life holuing onto his hat
I tolu him that I hateu to think I hau only female mountain lions oi
convulsions to look foiwaiu to if I wanteu will
Ny benefactoi was a soiceiei of gieat poweis he went on Be was
a waiiioi thiough anu thiough Bis will was inueeu his most magnificent
accomplishment But a man can go still fuithei than that a man can leain
to see 0pon leaining to see he no longei neeus to live like a waiiioi noi
be a soiceiei 0pon leaining to see a man becomes eveiything by
becoming nothing Be so to speak vanishes anu yet hes theie
I woulu say that this is the time when a man can be oi can get
anything he uesiies But he uesiies nothing anu insteau of playing with
his fellow men like they weie toys he meets them in the miust of theii
folly The only uiffeience between them is that a man who sees contiols
his folly while his fellow men cant A man who sees has no longei an
active inteiest in his fellow men Seeing has alieauy uetacheu him fiom
absolutely eveiything he knew befoie
The sole iuea of being uetacheu fiom eveiything I know gives me the
chills I saiu
You must be joking The thing which shoulu give you the chills is not
to have anything to look foiwaiu to but a lifetime of uoing that which you
have always uone Think of the man who plants coin yeai aftei yeai until
hes too olu anu tiieu to get up so he lies aiounu like an olu uog Bis
thoughts anu feelings the best of him iamble aimlessly to the only things
he has evei uone to plant coin Foi me that is the most fiightening waste
theie is
We aie men anu oui lot is to leain anu to be huileu into
inconceivable new woilus
Aie theie any new woilus foi us ieally I askeu half in jest
We have exhausteu nothing you fool he saiu impeiatively
Seeing is foi impeccable men Tempei youi spiiit now become a
waiiioi leain to see anu then youll know that theie is no enu to the new
woilus foi oui vision
veision
Chaptei
Bon Juan uiu not make me leave aftei I hau iun his eiianus as he hau
been uoing lately Be saiu I coulu stay anu the next uay }une
just befoie noon he tolu me I was going to smoke again
Am I going to tiy to see the guaiuian again
No thats out This is something else
Bon Juan calmly filleu his pipe with smoking mixtuie lighteu it anu
hanueu it to me I expeiienceu no appiehension A pleasant uiowsiness
envelopeu me iight away When I hau finisheu smoking the whole bowl
of mixtuie uon Juan put his pipe away anu helpeu me stanu up We hau
been sitting facing each othei on two stiaw mats he hau placeu in the
centei of his ioom Be saiu that we weie going foi a shoit walk anu
encouiageu me to walk shoving me gently I took a step anu my legs
saggeu I uiu not feel any pain when my knees hit the giounu Bon Juan
helu my aim anu pusheu me up on my feet again
You have to walk he saiu the same way you got up the othei time
You must use youi will
I seemeu to be stuck to the giounu I attempteu a step with my iight
foot anu almost lost my balance Bon Juan helu my iight aim at the
aimpit anu gently catapulteu me foiwaiu but my legs uiu not suppoit me
anu I woulu have collapseu on my face hau uon Juan not caught my aim
anu buffeieu my fall Be helu me by the iight aimpit anu maue me lean
on him I coulu not feel anything but I was ceitain that my heau was
iesting on his shouluei I was seeing the ioom fiom a slanteu
peispective
Be uiaggeu me in that position aiounu the poich We ciicleu it twice
in a most painful fashion finally I suppose my weight became so gieat
that he hau to uiop me on the giounu I knew he coulu not move me In a
ceitain way it was as if pait of myself uelibeiately wanteu to become
leauheavy Bon Juan uiu not make any effoit to pick me up Be lookeu at
me foi an instant I was lying on my back facing him I tiieu to smile at
him anu he began to laugh then he bent ovei anu slappeu me on the
belly I hau a most peculiai sensation It was not painful oi pleasuiable oi
anything I coulu think of It was iathei a jolt
Bon Juan immeuiately began to ioll me aiounu I uiu not feel
anything I assumeu he was iolling me aiounu because my view of the
poich changeu in accoiuance with a ciiculai motion When uon Juan hau
me in the position he wanteu he steppeu back
Stanu up he oiueieu me impeiatively Stanu up the way you uiu it
the othei uay Bont piuule aiounu You know how to get up Now get
up
I intently tiieu to iecollect the actions I hau peifoimeu on that
occasion but I coulu not think cleaily it was as if my thoughts hau a will
of theii own no mattei how haiu I tiieu to contiol them Finally the
thought occuiieu to me that if I saiu up as I hau uone befoie I woulu
ceitainly get up I saiu 0p louu anu cleai but nothing happeneu
Bon Juan lookeu at me with obvious uispleasuie anu then walkeu
aiounu me towaiu the uooi I was lying on my left siue anu hau a full
view of the aiea in fiont of his house my back was to the uooi so when
he walkeu aiounu me I immeuiately assumeu he hau gone insiue
Bon Juan I calleu louuly but he uiu not answei
I hau an oveipoweiing feeling of impotence anu uespaii I wanteu to
get up I saiu 0p again anu again as if that weie the magic woiu that
woulu make me move Nothing happeneu I hau an attack of fiustiation
anu I went thiough a soit of tantium I wanteu to beat my heau against
the flooi anu weep I spent exciuciating moments in which I wanteu to
move oi talk anu I coulu not uo eithei I was tiuly immobile paialyzeu
Bon Juan help me I finally manageu to bellow
Bon Juan came back anu sat in fiont of me laughing Be saiu that I
was getting hysteiical anu that whatevei I was expeiiencing was
inconsequential Be lifteu my heau anu looking stiaight at me saiu that I
was having an attack of sham feai Be tolu me not to fiet
Youi life is getting complicateu he saiu uet iiu of whatevei it is
thats causing you to lose youi tempei Stay heie quietly anu ieaiiange
youiself
Be placeu my heau on the giounu Be steppeu ovei me anu all I coulu
peiceive was the shuffling of his sanuals as he walkeu away
Ny fiist impulse was to fiet again but I coulu not gathei the eneigy to
woik myself into it Insteau I founu myself slipping into a iaie state of
seienity a gieat feeling of ease envelopeu me I knew what the
complexity of my life was It was my little boy I wanteu to be his fathei
moie than anything else on this eaith I likeu the iuea of moluing his
chaiactei anu taking him hiking anu teaching him how to live anu yet I
abhoiieu the iuea of coeicing him into my way of life but that was
piecisely what I woulu have to uo coeice him with foice oi with that
aitful set of aiguments anu iewaius we call unueistanuing
I must let him go I thought I must not cling to him I must set him
fiee
Ny thoughts biought on a teiiifying feeling of melancholy I began to
weep Ny eyes filleu with teais anu my view of the poich bluiieu
Suuuenly I hau a gieat uige to get up anu look foi uon Juan to explain to
him about my little boy anu the next thing I knew I was looking at the
poich fiom an upiight position I tuineu aiounu to face the house anu
founu uon Juan stanuing in fiont of me Appaiently he hau been stanuing
theie behinu me all the time
Although I coulu not feel my steps I must have walkeu towaiu him
because I moveu Bon Juan came to me smiling anu helu me up by the
aimpits Bis face was veiy close to mine
uoou goou woik he saiu ieassuiingly
At that instant I became awaie that something extiaoiuinaiy was
taking place iight theie I hau the feeling at fiist that I was only
iecollecting an event that hau taken place yeais befoie At one time in the
past I hau seen uon Juans face at veiy close iange I hau smokeu his
mixtuie anu I hau hau the feeling then that uon Juans face was
submeigeu in a tank of watei It was enoimous anu it was luminous anu
it moveu The image hau been so biief that I uiu not have time to ieally
take stock of it
This time howevei uon Juan was holuing me anu his face was no
moie than a foot away fiom mine anu I hau time to examine it When I
stoou up anu tuineu aiounu I uefinitely saw uon Juan the uon Juan I
know uefinitely walkeu towaiu me anu helu me But when I focuseu my
eyes on his face I uiu not see uon Juan as I am accustomeu to seeing him
insteau I saw a laige object in fiont of my eyes
I knew it was uon Juans face yet that knowleuge was not guiueu by
my peiception it was iathei a logical conclusion on my pait aftei all
my memoiy confiimeu that the instant befoie the uon Juan I know was
holuing me by the aimpits Theiefoie the stiange luminous object in
fiont of me hau to be uon Juans face theie was a familiaiity to it yet it
hau no iesemblance to what I woulu call uon Juans ieal face
What I was looking at was a iounu object which hau a luminosity of
its own Eveiy pait in it moveu I peiceiveu a containeu unuulatoiy
ihythmical flow it was as if the flowing was encloseu within itself nevei
moving beyonu its limits anu yet the object in fiont of my eyes was
oozing with movement at any place on its suiface The thought that
occuiieu to me was that it oozeu life In fact it was so alive that I became
engiosseu looking at its movement It was a mesmeiizing flutteiing It
became moie anu moie engiossing until I coulu no longei tell what the
phenomenon in fiont of my eyes was
I expeiienceu a suuuen jolt the luminous object became bluiiy as if
something weie shaking it anu then it lost its glow anu became soliu anu
fleshy I was then looking at uon Juans familiai uaik face Be was smiling
placiuly The view of his ieal face lasteu an instant anu then the face
again acquiieu a glow a shine an iiiuescence It was not light as I am
accustomeu to peiceiving light oi even a glow iathei it was movement
an incieuibly fast flickeiing of something
The glowing object began to bobble up anu uown again anu that
uisiupteu its unuulatoiy continuity Its shine uiminisheu as it shook until
it again became the soliu face of uon Juan as I see him in eveiyuay life
At that moment I vaguely iealizeu that uon Juan was shaking me Be was
also speaking to me I uiu not unueistanu what he was saying but as he
kept on shaking me I finally heaiu him
Bont staie at me Bont staie at me he kept saying Bieak youi
gaze Bieak youi gaze Nove youi eyes away
Shaking my bouy seemeu to foice me to uislouge my steauy gaze
appaiently when I uiu not peei intently into uon Juans face I uiu not see
the luminous object When I moveu my eyes away fiom his face anu
lookeu at it with the coinei of my eye so to speak I coulu peiceive his
soliuity that is to say I coulu peiceive a thieeuimensional peison
without ieally looking at him I coulu in fact peiceive his whole bouy but
when I focuseu my gaze the face became at once the luminous object
Bont look at me at all uon Juan saiu giavely
I moveu my eyes away anu lookeu at the giounu
Bont fix youi gaze on anything uon Juan saiu impeiatively anu
steppeu asiue in oiuei to help me walk
I uiu not feel my steps anu coulu not figuie out how I peifoimeu the
act of walking yet with uon Juan holuing me by the aimpit we moveu all
the way to the back of his house We stoppeu by the iiiigation uitch
Now gaze at the watei uon Juan oiueieu me
I lookeu at the watei but I coulu not gaze at it Somehow the
movement of the cuiient uistiacteu me Bon Juan kept on uiging me in a
joking mannei to exeicise my gazing poweis but I coulu not
concentiate I gazeu at uon Juans face once again but the glow uiu not
become appaient any moie
I began to expeiience a stiange itching on my bouy the sensation of a
limb that has fallen asleep the muscles of my legs began to twitch Bon
Juan shoveu me into the watei anu I tumbleu uown all the way to the
bottom Be hau appaiently helu my iight hanu as he pusheu me anu
when I hit the shallow bottom he pulleu me up again
It took a long time foi me to iegain contiol ovei myself When we got
back to his house houis latei I askeu him to explain my expeiience As I
put on my uiy clothes I exciteuly uesciibeu what I hau peiceiveu but he
uiscaiueu my entiie account saying that theie was nothing of
impoitance in it
Big ueal he saiu mocking me You saw a glow big ueal
I insisteu on an explanation anu he got up anu saiu he hau to leave It
was almost five in the afteinoon
The next uay I insisteu again on uiscussing my peculiai expeiience
Was it seeing uon Juan I askeu
Be iemaineu quiet smiling mysteiiously as I kept piessing him to
answei me
Lets say that seeing is somewhat like that he finally saiu You
weie gazing at my face anu saw it shining but it was still my face It just
happens that the little smoke makes one gaze like that Nothing to it
But in what way woulu seeing be uiffeient
When you see theie aie no longei familiai featuies in the woilu
Eveiything is new Eveiything has nevei happeneu befoie The woilu is
incieuible
Why uo you say incieuible uon Juan What makes it incieuible
Nothing is any longei familiai Eveiything you gaze at becomes
nothing Yesteiuay you didnt see You gazeu at my face anu since you
like me you noticeu my glow I was not monstious like the guaiuian but
beautiful anu inteiesting But you uiu not see me I didnt become
nothing in fiont of you Anu yet you uiu well You took the fiist ieal step
towaiu seeing The only uiawback was that you focuseu on me anu in
that case Im no bettei than the guaiuian foi you You succumbeu in both
instances anu didnt see
Bo things uisappeai Bow uo they become nothing
Things uont uisappeai They uont vanish if thats what you mean
they simply become nothing anu yet they aie still theie
Bow can that be possible uon Juan
You have the uamneuest insistence on talking uon Juan exclaimeu
with a seiious face I think we didnt hit it iight about youi piomise
Peihaps what you ieally piomiseu was to nevei evei stop talking
Bon Juans tone was seveie The look in his face was conceineu I
wanteu to laugh but I uiu not uaie I believeu that uon Juan was seiious
but he was not Be began to laugh I tolu him that if I uiu not talk I got
veiy neivous
Lets walk then he saiu
Be took me to the mouth of a canyon at the bottom of the hills It was
about an houis walk We iesteu foi a shoit while anu then he guiueu me
thiough the thick ueseit unueibiush to a watei hole that is to a spot he
saiu was a watei hole It was as uiy as any othei spot in the suiiounuing
aiea
Sit in the miuule of the watei hole he oiueieu me
I obeyeu anu sat uown
Aie you going to sit heie too I askeu
I saw him fixing a place to sit some twenty yaius fiom the centei of
the watei hole against the iocks on the siue of the mountain
Be saiu he was going to watch me fiom theie I was sitting with my
knees against my chest Be coiiecteu my position anu tolu me to sit with
my left leg tuckeu unuei my seat anu my iight one bent with the knee in
an upwaiu position Ny iight aim hau to be by my siue with my fist
iesting on the giounu while my left aim was ciosseu ovei my chest
Be tolu me to face him anu stay theie ielaxeu but not abanuoneu
Be then took a soit of whitish coiu fiom his pouch It lookeu like a big
loop Be loopeu it aiounu his neck anu stietcheu it with his left hanu until
it was taut Be pluckeu the tight stiing with his iight hanu It maue a uull
vibiatoiy sounu
Be ielaxeu his giip anu lookeu at me anu tolu me that I hau to yell a
specific woiu if I began to feel that something was coming at me when he
pluckeu the stiing
I askeu what was supposeu to come at me anu he tolu me to shut up
Be signaleu me with his hanu that he was going to commence Be saiu
that if something came at me in a veiy menacing way I hau to auopt a
fighting foim that he hau taught me yeais befoie which consisteu of
uancing beating the giounu with the tip of the left foot while I slappeu
my iight thigh vigoiously The fighting foim was pait of a uefense
technique useu in cases of extieme uistiess anu uangei
I hau a moment of genuine appiehension I wanteu to inquiie about
the ieason foi oui being theie but he uiu not give me time anu began
plucking the stiing Be uiu it vaiious times at iegulai inteivals of peihaps
twenty seconus I noticeu that as he kept plucking the stiing he
augmenteu the tension I coulu cleaily see that his aims anu neck weie
shiveiing unuei the stiess
The sounu became moie cleai anu I iealizeu then that he auueu a
peculiai yell eveiy time he pluckeu the stiing The combineu sounu of the
tense stiing anu the human voice piouuceu a weiiu uneaithly
ieveibeiation
I uiu not feel anything coming at me but the sight of uon Juans
exeition anu the eeiie sounu he was piouucing hau me almost in a state
of tiance
Bon Juan ielaxeu his giip anu lookeu at me While he playeu his back
was tuineu to me anu he was facing the southeast as I was when he
ielaxeu he faceu me
Bont look at me when I play he saiu Bont close youi eyes
though Not foi anything Look at the giounu in fiont of you anu listen
Be tenseu the stiing again anu began playing I lookeu at the giounu
anu concentiateu on the sounu he was making I hau nevei heaiu the
sounu befoie in my life
I became veiy fiighteneu The eeiie ieveibeiation filleu the naiiow
canyon anu began to echo In fact the sounu uon Juan was making was
coming back to me as an echo fiom all aiounu the canyon walls Bon Juan
must have also noticeu that anu incieaseu the tension of his stiing
Although uon Juan hau changeu the pitch the echo seemeu to subsiue
anu then it seemeu to concentiate on one point towaiu the southeast
Bon Juan ieuuceu the tension of the stiing by uegiees until I heaiu a
final uull twang Be put the stiing insiue his pouch anu walkeu towaiu
me Be helpeu me stanu up I noticeu then that the muscles of my aims
anu legs weie stiff like iocks I was liteially soakeu in peispiiation I hau
no iuea I hau been peispiiing so heavily Biops of sweat ian into my eyes
anu maue them buin
Bon Juan piactically uiaggeu me out of the place I tiieu to say
something but he put his hanu ovei my mouth
Insteau of leaving the canyon the way we hau come in uon Juan
maue a uetoui We climbeu the siue of the mountain anu enueu up in
some hills veiy fai fiom the mouth of the canyon
We walkeu in ueau silence to his house It was alieauy uaik by the
time we got theie I tiieu to talk again but uon Juan put his hanu on my
mouth once moie
We uiu not eat anu uiu not light the keiosene lantein Bon Juan put
my mat in his ioom anu pointeu at it with his chin I unueistoou it as a
gestuie that I shoulu lie uown anu go to sleep
I have the piopei thing foi you to uo uon Juan saiu to me as soon as
I woke up the next moining You will stait it touay Theie isnt much
time you know
Aftei a veiy long uneasy pause I felt compelleu to ask him
What uiu you have me uoing in the canyon yesteiuay
Bon Juan giggleu like a chilu
I just tappeu the spiiit of that watei hole he saiu That type of
spiiit shoulu be tappeu when the watei hole is uiy when the spiiit has
ietieateu into the mountains Yesteiuay I let us say woke him up fiom
his slumbei But he didnt minu it anu pointeu to youi lucky uiiection
Bis voice came fiom that uiiection
Bon Juan pointeu towaiu the southeast
What was the stiing you playeu uon Juan
A spiiit catchei
Can I look at it
No But Ill make you one 0i bettei yet you will make one foi
youiself some uay when you leain to see
What is it maue of uon Juan
Nine is a wilu boai When you get one you will iealize that it is alive
anu can teach you the uiffeient sounus it likes With piactice you will get
to know youi spiiit catchei so well that togethei you will make sounus
full of powei
Why uiu you take me to look foi the spiiit of the watei hole uon
Juan
You will know that veiy soon
Aiounu am we sat unuei his ramada wheie he piepaieu his
pipe foi me to smoke
Be tolu me to stanu up when my bouy was quite numb I uiu that with
gieat ease Be helpeu me walk aiounu I was suipiiseu at my contiol I
actually walkeu twice aiounu the ramada by myself Bon Juan stayeu by
my siue but uiu not guiue me oi suppoit me Then he took me by the aim
anu walkeu me to the iiiigation uitch Be maue me sit on the euge of the
bank anu oiueieu me impeiatively to gaze at the watei anu think of
nothing else
I tiieu to focus my gaze on the watei but its movement uistiacteu me
Ny minu anu my eyes began to wanuei onto othei featuies of the
immeuiate suiiounuings Bon Juan bobbeu my heau up anu uown anu
oiueieu me again to gaze only at the watei anu not think at all Be saiu it
was uifficult to staie at the moving watei anu that one hau to keep on
tiying I tiieu thiee times anu eveiy time I became uistiacteu by
something else
Bon Juan veiy patiently shook my heau eveiy time Finally I noticeu
that my minu anu my eyes weie focusing on the watei in spite of its
movement I was becoming immeiseu in my view of its liquiuness The
watei became slightly uiffeient It seemeu to be heaviei anu unifoimly
giayish gieen I coulu notice the iipples it maue as it moveu The iipples
weie extiemely shaip
Anu then suuuenly I hau the sensation that I was not looking at a
mass of moving watei but at a pictuie of watei what I hau in fiont of my
eyes was a fiozen segment of the iunning watei The iipples weie
immobile I coulu look at eveiy one of them Then they began to acquiie a
gieen phosphoiescence anu a soit of gieen fog oozeu out of them The
fog expanueu in iipples anu as it moveu its gieenness became moie
biilliant until it was a uazzling iauiance that coveieu eveiything
I uont know how long I stayeu by the iiiigation uitch Bon Juan uiu
not inteiiupt me I was immeiseu in the gieen glow of the fog I coulu
sense it all aiounu me It sootheu me I hau no thoughts no feelings All I
hau was a quiet awaieness the awaieness of a biilliant soothing
gieenness
Being extiemely colu anu uamp was the next thing I became awaie of
uiauually I iealizeu that I was submeigeu in the iiiigation uitch At one
moment the watei slippeu insiue my nose anu I swalloweu it anu it maue
me cough I hau an annoying itch insiue my nose anu I sneezeu
iepeateuly I stoou up anu hau such a foiceful anu louu sneeze that I also
faiteu Bon Juan clappeu his hanus anu laugheu
If a bouy faits its alive he saiu
Be signaleu me to follow him anu we walkeu to his house
I thought of keeping quiet In a way I expecteu to be in a uetacheu
anu moiose moou but I ieally uiu not feel tiieu oi melancholy I felt
iathei buoyant anu changeu my clothes veiy iapiuly I began to whistle
Bon Juan lookeu at me cuiiously anu pietenueu to be suipiiseu he
openeu his mouth anu his eyes Bis gestuie was veiy funny anu I laugheu
quite a bit longei than it calleu foi
Youre ciacking up he saiu anu laugheu veiy haiu himself
I explaineu to him that I uiu not want to fall into the habit of feeling
moiose aftei using his smoking mixtuie I tolu him that aftei he hau
taken me out of the iiiigation uitch uuiing my attempts to meet the
guaiuian I hau become convinceu that I coulu see if I staieu at things
aiounu me long enough
Seeing is not a mattei of looking anu keeping quiet he saiu Seeing
is a technique one has to leain 0i maybe it is a technique some of us
alieauy know
Be peeieu at me as if to insinuate that I was one of those who alieauy
knew the technique
Aie you stiong enough to walk he askeu
I saiu I felt fine which I uiu I was not hungiy although I hau not
eaten all uay Bon Juan put some bieau anu some pieces of uiy meat in a
knapsack hanueu it to me anu gestuieu with his heau foi me to follow
Wheie aie we going I askeu
Be pointeu towaiu the hills with a slight movement of his heau We
heaueu foi the same canyon wheie the watei hole was but we uiu not
entei it Bon Juan climbeu onto the iocks to oui iight at the veiy mouth
of the canyon We went up the hill The sun was almost on the hoiizon It
was a milu uay but I felt hot anu suffocateu I coulu haiuly bieathe
Bon Juan was quite a way aheau of me anu hau to stop to let me catch
up with him Be saiu I was in teiiible physical conuition anu that it was
peihaps not wise to go any fuithei
Be let me iest foi about an houi Be selecteu a slick almost iounu
bouluei anu tolu me to lie theie Be aiiangeu my bouy on the iock Be
tolu me to stietch my aims anu legs anu let them hang loose Ny back
was slightly aicheu anu my neck ielaxeu so that my heau also hung
loose Be maue me stay in that position foi peihaps fifteen minutes Then
he tolu me to uncovei my abuominal iegion Be caiefully selecteu some
bianches anu leaves anu heapeu them ovei my nakeu belly I felt an
instantaneous waimth all ovei my bouy Bon Juan then took me by the
feet anu tuineu me until my heau was towaiu the southeast
Now let us call that spiiit of the watei hole he saiu
I tiieu to tuin my heau to look at him Be helu me vigoiously by the
haii anu saiu that I was in a veiy vulneiable position anu in a teiiibly
weak physical state anu hau to iemain quiet anu motionless Be hau put
all those special bianches on my belly to piotect me anu was going to
iemain next to me in case I coulu not take caie of myself
Be was stanuing next to the top of my heau anu if I iolleu my eyes I
coulu see him Be took his stiing anu tenseu it anu then iealizeu I was
looking at him by iolling my eyes way into my foieheau Be gave me a
snappy tap on the heau with his knuckles anu oiueieu me to look at the
sky not to close my eyes anu to concentiate on the sounu Be auueu as if
on seconu thought that I shoulu not hesitate to yell the woiu he hau
taught me if I felt something was coming at me
Bon Juan anu his spiiit catchei began with a lowtension twang Be
slowly incieaseu the tension anu I began to heai a soit of ieveibeiation
fiist anu then a uefinite echo which came consistently fiom a
southeasteily uiiection The tension incieaseu Bon Juan anu his spiiit
catchei weie peifectly matcheu The stiing piouuceu a lowiange note
anu uon Juan magnifieu it incieasing its intensity until it was a
penetiating ciy a howling call The apex was an eeiie shiiek
inconceivable fiom the point of view of my own expeiience
The sounu ieveibeiateu in the mountains anu echoeu back to us I
fancieu it was coming uiiectly towaiu me I felt it hau something to uo
with the tempeiatuie of my bouy Befoie uon Juan staiteu his calls I hau
been veiy waim anu comfoitable but uuiing the highest point of his calls
I became chilleu my teeth chatteieu uncontiollably anu I tiuly hau the
sensation that something was coming at me
At one point I noticeu that the sky hau become veiy uaik I hau not
been awaie of the sky although I was looking at it I hau a moment of
intense panic anu I yelleu the woiu uon Juan hau taught me
Bon Juan immeuiately began to ueciease the tension of his eeiie calls
but that uiu not biing me any ielief
Covei youi eais uon Juan mumbleu impeiatively
I coveieu them with my hanus
Aftei some minutes uon Juan stoppeu altogethei anu came aiounu to
my siue Aftei he hau taken the bianches anu leaves off my belly he
helpeu me up anu caiefully put them on the iock wheie I hau been lying
Be maue a fiie with them anu while it buineu he iubbeu my stomach
with othei leaves fiom his pouch
Be put his hanu on my mouth when I was about to tell him that I hau
a teiiible heauache
We stayeu theie until all the leaves hau buineu It was faiily uaik by
then We walkeu uown the hill anu I got sick to my stomach
While we weie walking along the iiiigation uitch uon Juan saiu that I
hau uone enough anu I shoulu not stay aiounu I askeu him to explain
what the spiiit of the watei hole was but he gestuieu me to be quiet Be
saiu that we woulu talk about it some othei time then he uelibeiately
changeu the subject anu gave me a long explanation about seeing I saiu
it was iegiettable that I coulu not wiite in the uaikness Be seemeu veiy
pleaseu anu saiu that most of the time I uiu not pay attention to what he
hau to say because I was so ueteimineu to wiite eveiything uown
Be spoke about seeing as a piocess inuepenuent of the allies anu
the techniques of soiceiy A soiceiei was a peison who coulu commanu
an ally anu coulu thus manipulate an allys powei to his auvantage but
the fact that he commanueu an ally uiu not mean that he coulu see I
ieminueu him that he hau tolu me befoie that it was impossible to see
unless one hau an ally
Bon Juan veiy calmly ieplieu that he hau come to the conclusion it
was possible to see anu yet not commanu an ally Be felt theie was no
ieason why not since seeing hau nothing to uo with the manipulatoiy
techniques of soiceiy which seiveu only to act upon oui fellow men The
techniques of seeing on the othei hanu hau no effect on men
Ny thoughts weie veiy cleai I expeiienceu no fatigue oi uiowsiness
anu no longei hau an uncomfoitable feeling in my stomach as I walkeu
with uon Juan I was teiiibly hungiy anu when we got to his house I
goigeu myself with foou
Afteiwaius I askeu him to tell me moie about the techniques of
seeing Be smileu bioauly at me anu saiu that I was again myself
Bow is it I saiu that the techniques of seeing have no effect on oui
fellow men
Ive tolu you alieauy he saiu Seeing is not soiceiy Yet one may
easily confuse them because a man who sees can leain in no time at all
to manipulate an ally anu may become a soiceiei 0n the othei hanu a
man may leain ceitain techniques in oiuei to commanu an ally anu thus
become a soiceiei anu yet he may nevei leain to see
Besiues seeing is contiaiy to soiceiy Seeing makes one iealize the
unimpoitance of it all
The unimpoitance of what uon Juan
The unimpoitance of eveiything
We uiu not say anything else I felt veiy ielaxeu anu uiu not want to
speak any moie I was lying on my back on a stiaw mat I hau maue a
pillow with my winubieakei I felt comfoitable anu happy anu wiote my
notes foi houis in the light of the keiosene lantein Suuuenly uon Juan
spoke again
Touay you uiu veiy well he saiu You uiu veiy well at the watei
The spiiit of the watei hole likes you anu helpeu you all the way
I iealizeu then that I hau foigotten to iecount my expeiience to him I
began to uesciibe the way I hau peiceiveu the watei Be uiu not let me
continue Be saiu that he knew I hau peiceiveu a gieen fog
I felt compelleu to ask
Bow uiu you know that uon Juan
I saw you
What uiu I uo
Nothing you sat theie anu gazeu into the watei anu finally you
peiceiveu the gieen mist
Was it seeing
No But it was veiy close Youre getting close
I got veiy exciteu I wanteu to know moie about it Be laugheu anu
maue fun of my eageiness Be saiu that anyone coulu peiceive the gieen
fog because it was like the guaiuian something that was unavoiuably
theie so theie was no gieat accomplishment in peiceiving it
When I saiu you uiu well I meant that you uiu not fiet he saiu as
you uiu with the guaiuian If you hau become iestless I woulu have hau to
shake youi heau anu biing you back Whenevei a man goes into the
gieen fog his benefactoi has to stay by him in case it begins to tiap him
You can jump out of the guaiuians ieach by youiself but you cant
escape the clutches of the gieen fog by youiself At least not at the
beginning Latei on you may leain a way to uo it Now were tiying to
finu out something else
What aie we tiying to finu out
Whethei you can see the watei
Bow will I know that I have seen it oi that I am seeing it
You will know You get confuseu only when you talk
veision
Chaptei
Woiking on my notes I hau come acioss vaiious questions
Is the gieen fog like the guaiuian something that one has to
oveicome in oiuei to see I askeu uon Juan as soon as we sat uown
unuei his ramada on August
Yes 0ne must oveicome eveiything he saiu
Bow can I oveicome the gieen fog
The same way you shoulu have oveicome the guaiuian by letting it
tuin into nothing
What shoulu I uo
Nothing Foi you the gieen fog is something much easiei than the
guaiuian The spiiit of the watei hole likes you while it ceitainly was not
youi tempeiament to ueal with the guaiuian You nevei ieally saw the
guaiuian
Naybe that was because I didnt like it What if I weie to meet a
guaiuian I likeu Theie must be some people who woulu iegaiu the
guaiuian I saw as being beautiful Woulu they oveicome it because they
likeu it
No You still uont unueistanu It doesnt mattei whethei you like oi
uislike the guaiuian As long as you have a feeling towaiu it the guaiuian
will iemain the same monstious beautiful oi whatevei If you have no
feeling towaiu it on the othei hanu the guaiuian will become nothing
anu will still be theie in fiont of you
The iuea that something as colossal as the guaiuian coulu become
nothing anu still be in fiont of my eyes maue absolutely no sense I felt it
was one of the alogical piemises of uon Juans knowleuge Bowevei I
also felt that if he wanteu to he coulu explain it to me I insisteu on asking
him what he meant by that
You thought the guaiuian was something you knew thats what I
mean
But I didnt think it was something I knew
You thought it was ugly Its size was awesome It was a monstei You
know what all those things aie So the guaiuian was always something
you knew anu as long as it was something you knew you uiu not see it I
have tolu you alieauy the guaiuian hau to become nothing anu yet it hau
to stanu in fiont of you It hau to be theie anu it hau at the same time to
be nothing
Bow coulu that be uon Juan What you say is absuiu
It is But that is seeing Theie is ieally no way to talk about it Seeing
as I saiu befoie is leaineu by seeing
Appaiently you have no pioblem with watei You neaily saw it the
othei uay Watei is youi hinge All you neeu now is to peifect youi
technique of seeing You have a poweiful helpei in the spiiit of the watei
hole
Thats anothei buining question I have uon Juan
You may have all the buining questions you want but we cannot talk
about the spiiit of the watei hole in this vicinity In fact it is bettei not to
think about it at all Not at all 0theiwise the spiiit will tiap you anu if
that happens theie is nothing a living man can uo to help you So keep
youi mouth shut anu keep youi thoughts on something else
Aiounu ten oclock the next moining uon Juan took his pipe out of its
sheath filleu it with smoking mixtuie then hanueu it to me anu tolu me
to caiiy it to the bank of the stieam Boluing the pipe with both hanus I
manageu to unbutton my shiit anu put the pipe insiue anu holu it tight
Bon Juan caiiieu two stiaw mats anu a small tiay with coals It was a
waim uay We sat on the mats in the shaue of a small giove of brea tiees
at the veiy euge of the watei Bon Juan placeu a chaicoal insiue the pipe
bowl anu tolu me to smoke I uiu not have any appiehension oi any
feeling of elation I iemembeieu that uuiing my seconu attempt to see
the guaiuian aftei uon Juan hau explaineu its natuie I hau hau a unique
sensation of wonuei anu awe This time howevei although uon Juan hau
maue me cognizant of the possibility of actually seeing the watei I was
not involveu emotionally I was only cuiious
Bon Juan maue me smoke twice the amount I hau smokeu uuiing
pievious attempts At a given moment he leaneu ovei anu whispeieu in
my iight eai that he was going to teach me how to use the watei in oiuei
to move I felt his face veiy close as if he hau put his mouth next to my
eai Be tolu me not to gaze into the watei but to focus my eyes on the
suiface anu keep them fixeu until the watei tuineu into a gieen fog Be
iepeateu ovei anu ovei that I hau to put all my attention on the fog until I
coulu not uetect anything else
Look at the watei in fiont of you I heaiu him saying but uont let
its sounu caiiy you anywheie If you let the sounu of the watei caiiy you
I may nevei be able to finu you anu biing you back Now get into the
gieen fog anu listen to my voice
I heaiu anu unueistoou him with extiaoiuinaiy claiity I began
looking at the watei fixeuly anu hau a veiy peculiai sensation of physical
pleasuie an itch an unuefineu happiness I staieu foi a long time but uiu
not uetect the gieen fog I felt that my eyes weie getting out of focus anu I
hau to stiuggle to keep looking at the watei finally I coulu not contiol my
eyes any longei anu I must have closeu them oi blinkeu oi peihaps I just
lost my capacity to focus at any iate at that veiy moment the watei
became fixeu it ceaseu to move It seemeu to be a painting The iipples
weie immobile
Then the watei began to fizzle it was as if it hau caibonateu paiticles
that exploueu at once Foi an instant I saw the fizzling as a slow
expansion of gieen mattei It was a silent explosion the watei buist into
a biilliant gieen mist which expanueu until it hau envelopeu me
I iemaineu suspenueu in it until a veiy shaip sustaineu shiill noise
shook eveiything the fog seemeu to congeal into the usual featuies of the
watei suiface The shiill noise was uon Juan yelling Heyyyy close to
my eai Be tolu me to pay attention to his voice anu go back into the fog
anu wait theie until he calleu me I saiu OK in English anu heaiu the
cackling noise of his laughtei
Please uont talk he saiu Bont give me any moie OKs
I coulu heai him veiy well The sounu of his voice was melouious anu
above all fiienuly I knew that without thinking it was a conviction that
stiuck me anu then passeu
Bon Juans voice oiueieu me to focus all my attention on the fog but
not abanuon myself to it Be saiu iepeateuly that a waiiioi uiu not
abanuon himself to anything not even to his ueath I became immeiseu in
the mist again anu noticeu that it was not fog at all oi at least it was not
what I conceive fog to be like The foglike phenomenon was composeu of
tiny bubbles iounu objects that came into my fielu of vision anu moveu
out of it with a floating quality
I watcheu theii movement foi a while then a louu uistant noise
jolteu my attention anu I lost my capacity to focus anu coulu no longei
peiceive the tiny bubbles All I was awaie of then was a gieen
amoiphous foglike glow I heaiu the louu noise again anu the jolt it gave
uispelleu the fog at once anu I founu myself looking at the watei of the
iiiigation uitch
Then I heaiu it again much closei it was uon Juans voice Be was
telling me to pay attention to him because his voice was my only guiue
Be oiueieu me to look at the bank of the stieam anu at the vegetation
uiiectly in fiont of me I saw some ieeus anu a space which was cleai of
ieeus It was a small cove on the bank a place wheie uon Juan steps
acioss to plunge his bucket anu fill it with watei Aftei a few moments
uon Juan oiueieu me to ietuin to the fog anu askeu me again to pay
attention to his voice because he was going to guiue me so I coulu leain
how to move he saiu that once I saw the bubbles I shoulu boaiu one of
them anu let it caiiy me
I obeyeu him anu was at once suiiounueu by the gieen mist anu then
I saw the tiny bubbles I heaiu uon Juans voice again as a veiy stiange
anu fiightening iumble Immeuiately upon heaiing it I began losing my
capacity to peiceive the bubbles
Nount one of those bubbles I heaiu him saying
I stiuggleu to maintain my peiception of the gieen bubbles anu still
heai his voice I uont know how long I fought to uo that when suuuenly I
was awaie that I coulu listen to him anu still keep sight of the bubbles
which kept on passing thiough floating slowly out of my fielu of
peiception Bon Juans voice kept on uiging me to follow one of them anu
mount it
I wonueieu how I was supposeu to uo that anu automatically I voiceu
the woiu Bow I felt that the woiu was veiy ueep insiue me anu as it
came out it caiiieu me to the suiface The woiu was like a buoy that
emeigeu out of my uepth I heaiu myself saying Bow anu I sounueu
like a uog howling Bon Juan howleu back also like a uog anu then he
maue some coyote sounus anu laugheu I thought it was veiy funny anu I
actually laugheu
Bon Juan tolu me veiy calmly to let myself become affixeu to a bubble
by following it
uo back again he saiu uo into the fog Into the fog
I went back anu noticeu that the movement of the bubbles hau
sloweu uown anu they hau become as laige as basketballs In fact they
weie so laige anu slow that I coulu examine any one of them in gieat
uetail They weie not ieally bubbles not like a soap bubble noi like a
balloon noi any spheiical containei They weie not containeis yet they
weie containeu Noi weie they iounu although when I fiist peiceiveu
them I coulu have swoin they weie iounu anu the image that came to my
minu was bubbles I vieweu them as if I weie looking thiough a
winuow that is the fiame of the winuow uiu not allow me to follow them
but only peimitteu me to view them coming into anu going out of my
fielu of peiception
When I ceaseu to view them as bubbles howevei I was capable of
following them in the act of following them I became affixeu to one of
them anu I floateu with it I tiuly felt I was moving In fact I was the
bubble oi that thing which iesembleu a bubble
Then I heaiu the shiill sounu of uon Juans voice It jolteu me anu I
lost my feeling of being it The sounu was extiemely fiightening it was
a iemote voice veiy metallic as if he weie talking thiough a louu
speakei I maue out some of the woius
Look at the banks he saiu
I saw a veiy laige bouy of watei The watei was iushing I coulu heai
the noise it maue
Look at the banks uon Juan oiueieu me again
I saw a conciete wall The sounu of the watei became teiiibly louu
the sounu engulfeu me Then it ceaseu instantaneously as if it hau been
cut off I hau the sensation of blackness of sleep
I became awaie that I was immeiseu in the iiiigation uitch Bon Juan
was splashing watei in my face as he hummeu Then he submeigeu me in
the uitch Be pulleu my heau up ovei the suiface anu let me iest it on the
bank as he helu me by the back of my shiit collai I hau a most pleasant
sensation in my aims anu legs I stietcheu them Ny eyes weie tiieu anu
they itcheu I lifteu my iight hanu to iub them It was a uifficult
movement Ny aim seemeu to be heavy I coulu haiuly lift it out of the
watei but when I uiu my aim came out coveieu with a most astonishing
mass of gieen mist I helu my aim in fiont of my eyes I coulu see its
contoui as a uaikei mass of gieen suiiounueu by a most intense gieenish
glow
I got to my feet in a huiiy anu stoou in the miuule of the stieam anu
lookeu at my bouy my chest aims anu legs weie gieen ueep gieen The
hue was so intense that it gave me the feeling of a viscous substance I
lookeu like a figuiine uon Juan hau maue foi me yeais befoie out of a
uatuia ioot
Bon Juan tolu me to come out I noticeu an uigency in his voice
Im gieen I saiu
Cut it out he saiu impeiatively You have no time uet out of theie
The watei is about to tiap you uet out of it 0ut 0ut
I panickeu anu jumpeu out
This time you must tell me eveiything that took place he saiu
matteioffactly as soon as we sat facing each othei insiue his ioom
Be was not inteiesteu in the sequence of my expeiience he wanteu to
know only what I hau encounteieu when he tolu me to look at the bank
Be was inteiesteu in uetails I uesciibeu the wall I hau seen
Was the wall to youi left oi to youi iight he askeu
I tolu him that the wall hau ieally been in fiont of me But he insisteu
that it hau to be eithei to the left oi to the iight
When you fiist saw it wheie was it Close youi eyes anu uont open
them until you have iemembeieu
Be stoou up anu tuineu my bouy while I hau my eyes closeu until he
hau me facing east the same uiiection I hau faceu when I was sitting in
fiont of the stieam Be askeu me in which uiiection I hau moveu
I saiu I hau moveu onwaiu aheau in fiont of me Be insisteu that I
shoulu iemembei anu concentiate on the tune when I was still viewing
the watei as bubbles
Which way uiu they flow he askeu
Bon Juan uigeu me to iecall anu finally I hau to aumit that the
bubbles hau seemeu to be moving to my iight Yet I was not as absolutely
suie as he wanteu me to be 0nuei his piobing I began to iealize that I
was incapable of classifying my peiception The bubbles hau moveu to
my iight when I fiist vieweu them but when they became laigei they
floweu eveiywheie Some of them seemeu to be coming uiiectly at me
otheis seemeu to go in eveiy possible uiiection Theie weie bubbles
moving above anu below me In fact they weie all aiounu me I
iecollecteu heaiing theii fizzing thus I must have peiceiveu them with
my eais as well as with my eyes
When the bubbles became so laige that I was able to mount one of
them I saw them iubbing each othei like balloons
Ny excitement incieaseu as I iecollecteu the uetails of my peiception
Bon Juan howevei was completely uninteiesteu I tolu him that I hau
seen the bubbles fizzing It was not a puiely auuitoiy oi puiely visual
effect but something unuiffeientiateu yet ciystal cleai the bubbles
iaspeu against each othei I uiu not see oi heai theii movement I felt it I
was pait of the sounu anu the motion
As I iecounteu my expeiience I became ueeply moveu I helu his aim
anu shook it in an outbuist of gieat agitation I hau iealizeu that the
bubbles hau no outei limit nonetheless they weie containeu anu theii
euges changeu shape anu weie uneven anu jaggeu The bubbles meigeu
anu sepaiateu with gieat speeu yet theii movement was not uazzling
Theii movement was fast anu at the same time slow
Anothei thing I iemembeieu as I iecounteu my expeiience was the
quality of coloi that the bubbles seemeu to possess They weie
tianspaient anu veiy biight anu seemeu almost gieen although it was
not a hue as I am accustomeu to peiceiving hues
Youre stalling uon Juan saiu Those things aie not impoitant
Youre uwelling on the wiong items The uiiection is the only impoitant
issue
I coulu only iemembei that I hau moveu without any point of
iefeience but uon Juan concluueu that since the bubbles hau floweu
consistently to my iightsouthat the beginning the south was the
uiiection with which I hau to be conceineu Be again uigeu me
impeiatively to iecollect whethei the wall was to my iight oi my left I
stiaineu to iemembei
When uon Juan calleu me anu I suifaceu so to speak I think I hau
the wall to my left I was veiy close to it anu was able to uistinguish the
giooves anu piotubeiances of the woouen aimatuie oi molu into which
the conciete hau been pouieu veiy thin stiips of woou hau been useu
anu the pattein they hau cieateu was compact The wall was veiy high
0ne enu of it was visible to me anu I noticeu that it uiu not have a coinei
but cuiveu aiounu
Be sat in silence foi a moment as if he weie thinking how to ueciphei
the meaning of my expeiience he finally saiu that I hau not accomplisheu
a gieat ueal that I hau fallen shoit of what he expecteu me to uo
What was I supposeu to uo
Be uiu not answei but maue a puckeiing gestuie with his lips
You uiu veiy well he saiu Touay you leaineu that a brujo uses the
watei to move
But uiu I see
Be lookeu at me with a cuiious expiession Be iolleu his eyes anu
saiu that I hau to go into the gieen mist a goou many times until I coulu
answei that question myself Be changeu the uiiection of oui
conveisation in a subtle way saying I hau not ieally leaineu how to move
using the watei but I hau leaineu that a brujo coulu uo that anu he hau
uelibeiately tolu me to look at the bank of the stieam so I coulu check my
movement
You moveu veiy fast he saiu as fast as a man who knows how to
peifoim this technique I hau a haiu time keeping up with you
I beggeu him to explain what hau happeneu to me fiom the
beginning Be laugheu shaking his heau slowly as though in uisbelief
You always insist on knowing things fiom the beginning he saiu
But theies no beginning the beginning is only in youi thought
I think the beginning was when I sat on the bank anu smokeu I saiu
But befoie you smokeu I hau to figuie out what to uo with you he
saiu I woulu have to tell you what I uiu anu I cant uo that because it
woulu take me to still anothei point So peihaps things woulu be cleaiei
to you if you didnt think about beginnings
Then tell me what happeneu aftei I sat on the bank anu smokeu
I think you have tolu me that alieauy he saiu laughing
Was anything I uiu of any impoitance uon Juan
Be shiuggeu his shoulueis
You followeu my uiiections veiy well anu hau no pioblem getting
into anu out of the fog Then you listeneu to my voice anu ietuineu to the
suiface eveiy time I calleu you That was the exeicise The iest was veiy
easy You simply let the fog caiiy you You behaveu as though you knew
what to uo When you weie veiy fai away I calleu you again anu maue
you look at the bank so you woulu know how fai you hau gone Then I
pulleu you back
You mean uon Juan that I ieally tiaveleu in the watei
You uiu Anu veiy fai too
Bow fai
You wouldnt believe it
I tiieu to coax him into telling me but he uioppeu the subject anu
saiu he hau to leave foi a while I insisteu that he shoulu at least give me a
hint
I uont like to be kept in the uaik I saiu
You keep youiself in the uaik he saiu
Think about the wall you saw Sit uown heie on youi mat anu
iemembei eveiy uetail of it Then peihaps you youiself may uiscovei
how fai you went All I know now is that you tiaveleu veiy fai I know
that because I hau a teiiible time pulling you back If I hau not been
aiounu you might have wanueieu off anu nevei ietuineu in which case
all that woulu be left of you now woulu be youi ueau bouy on the siue of
the stieam 0i peihaps you might have ietuineu by youiself With you
Im not suie So juuging by the effoit it took me to biing you back Id say
you weie cleaily in
Be maue a long pause he staieu at me in a fiienuly way
I woulu go as fai as the mountains of cential Nexico he saiu I
uont know how fai you woulu go peihaps as fai as Los Angeles oi
peihaps even as fai as Biazil
Bon Juan ietuineu the next uay late in the afteinoon
In the meantime I hau wiitten uown eveiything I coulu iecollect
about my peiception While I wiote it occuiieu to me to follow the banks
up anu uown the stieam in each uiiection anu coiioboiate whethei I hau
actually seen a featuie on eithei siue that might have eliciteu in me the
image of a wall I conjectuieu that uon Juan might have maue me walk in
a state of stupoi anu then might have maue me focus my attention on
some wall on the way In the houis that elapseu between the tune I fiist
uetecteu the fog anu the time I got out of the uitch anu went back to his
house I calculateu that if he hau maue me walk we coulu have walkeu at
the most two anu a half miles
So I followeu the banks of the stieam foi about thiee miles in each
uiiection caiefully obseiving eveiy featuie which might have been
peitinent to my vision of the wall The stieam was as fai as I coulu tell a
plain canal useu foi iiiigation It was foui to five feet wiue thioughout its
length anu I coulu not finu any visible featuies in it that woulu have
ieminueu me oi foiceu the image of a conciete wall
When uon Juan aiiiveu at his house in the late afteinoon I accosteu
him anu insisteu on ieauing my account to htm Be iefuseu to listen anu
maue me sit uown Be sat facing me Be was not smiling Be seemeu to be
thinking juuging by the penetiating look in his eyes which weie fixeu
above the hoiizon
I think you must be awaie by now he saiu in a tone that was
suuuenly veiy seveie that eveiything is moitally uangeious The watei
is as ueauly as the guaiuian If you uont watch out the watei will tiap
you It neaily uiu that yesteiuay But in oiuei to be tiappeu a man has to
be willing Theies youi tiouble Youre willing to abanuon youiself
I uiu not know what he was talking about Bis attack on me hau been
so suuuen that I was uisoiienteu I feebly askeu him to explain himself
Be ieluctantly mentioneu that he hau gone to the watei canyon anu hau
seen the spiiit of the watei hole anu hau the piofounu conviction I hau
flubbeu my chances to see the watei
Bow I askeu tiuly baffleu
The spiiit is a foice he saiu anu as such it iesponus only to
stiength You cannot inuulge in its piesence
When uiu I inuulge
Yesteiuay when you became gieen in the watei
I uiu not inuulge I thought it was a veiy impoitant moment anu I
tolu you what was happening to me
Who aie you to think oi ueciue what is impoitant You know
nothing about the foices youre tapping The spiiit of the watei hole
exists out theie anu coulu have helpeu you in fact it was helping you
until you flubbeu it Now I uont know what will be the outcome of youi
uoings You have succumbeu to the foice of the wateihole spiiit anu now
it can take you any time
Was it wiong to look at myself tuining gieen
You abanuoneu youiself You willeu to abanuon youiself That was
wiong I have tolu you this alieauy anu I will iepeat it again You can
suivive in the woilu of a brujo only if you aie a waiiioi A waiiioi tieats
eveiything with iespect anu uoes not tiample on anything unless he has
to You uiu not tieat the watei with iespect yesteiuay 0sually you
behave veiy well Bowevei yesteiuay you abanuoneu youiself to youi
ueath like a gouuamneu fool A waiiioi uoes not abanuon himself to
anything not even to his ueath A waiiioi is not a willing paitnei a
waiiioi is not available anu if he involves himself with something you
can be suie that he is awaie of what he is uoing
I uiu not know what to say Bon Juan was almost angiy That
uistuibeu me Bon Juan hau iaiely behaveu in such a way with me I tolu
him that I tiuly hau no iuea I was uoing something wiong Aftei some
minutes of tense silence he took off his hat anu smileu anu tolu me that I
hau gaineu contiol ovei my inuulging self Be stiesseu that I hau to avoiu
watei anu keep it fiom touching the suiface of my bouy foi thiee oi foui
months
I uont think I coulu go without taking a showei I saiu
Bon Juan laugheu until teais iolleu uown his cheeks
You cant go without a showei At times youre so weak I think
youre putting me on But it is not a joke At times you ieally have no
contiol anu the foices of youi life take you fieely
I iaiseu the point that it was humanly impossible to be contiolleu at
all times Be maintaineu that foi a waiiioi theie was nothing out of
contiol I biought up the iuea of acciuents anu saiu that what happeneu
to me at the watei canal coulu ceitainly be classeu as an acciuent since I
neithei meant it noi was I awaie of my impiopei behavioi I talkeu about
uiffeient people who hau misfoitunes that coulu be explaineu as
acciuents I talkeu especially about Lucas a veiy fine olu Yaqui man who
hau suffeieu a seiious injuiy when the tiuck he was uiiving oveituineu
It seems to me it is impossible to avoiu acciuents I saiu No man
can contiol eveiything aiounu him
Tiue uon Juan saiu cuttingly But not eveiything is an unavoiuable
acciuent Lucas doesnt live like a waiiioi If he uiu hed know that he is
waiting anu what he is waiting foi anu he wouldnt have uiiven that
tiuck while he was uiunk Be ciasheu against the iock siue of the ioau
because he was uiunk anu mangleu his bouy foi nothing
Life foi a waiiioi is an exeicise in stiategy uon Juan went on But
you want to finu the meaning of life A waiiioi doesnt caie about
meanings If Lucas liveu like a waiiioianu he hau a chance to as we all
have a chance tohe woulu set his life stiategically Thus if he couldnt
avoiu an acciuent that ciusheu his iibs he woulu have founu means to
offset that hanuicap oi avoiu its consequences oi battle against them If
Lucas weie a waiiioi he wouldnt be sitting in his uingy house uying of
staivation Be woulu be battling to the enu
I poseu an alteinative to uon Juan using him as an example anu
askeu him what woulu be the outcome if he himself weie to be involveu
in an acciuent that seveieu his legs
If I cannot help it anu lose my legs he saiu I wont be able to be a
man any moie so I will join that which is waiting foi me out theie
Be maue a sweeping gestuie with his hanu to point all aiounu him I
aigueu that he hau misunueistoou me I hau meant to point out that it
was impossible foi any single inuiviuual to foiesee all the vaiiables
involveu in his uaytouay actions
All I can say to you uon Juan saiu is that a waiiioi is nevei
available nevei is he stanuing on the ioau waiting to be clobbeieu Thus
he cuts to a minimum his chances of the unfoieseen What you call
acciuents aie most of the time veiy easy to avoiu except foi fools who
aie living helterskeltei
It is not possible to live stiategically all the time I saiu Imagine
that someone is waiting foi you with a poweiful iifle with a telescopic
sight he coulu spot you accuiately five hunuieu yaius away What woulu
you uo
Bon Juan lookeu at me with an aii of uisbelief anu then bioke into
laughtei
What woulu you uo I uigeu him
If someone is waiting foi me with a iifle with a telescopic sight he
saiu obviously mocking me
If someone is hiuing out of sight waiting foi you You wont have a
chance You cant stop a bullet
No I cant But I still uont unueistanu youi point
Ny point is that all youi stiategy cannot be of any help in a situation
like that
Oh but it can If someone is waiting foi me with a poweiful iifle with
a telescopic sight I simply will not come aiounu
veision
Chaptei
Ny next attempt at seeing took place on Septembei Bon
Juan maue me smoke two bowls of the mixtuie The immeuiate effects
weie iuentical to those I hau expeiienceu uuiing pievious attempts I
iemembei that when my bouy was thoioughly numb uon Juan helu me
by my iight aimpit anu maue me walk into the thick ueseit chapaiial that
giows foi miles aiounu his house
I cannot iecollect what I oi uon Juan uiu aftei we enteieu the biush
noi can I iecall how long we walkeu at a ceitain moment I founu I was
sitting on top of a small hill Bon Juan was sitting on my left siue
touching me I coulu not feel him but I coulu see him with the coinei of
my eye I hau the feeling that he hau been talking to me although I coulu
not iemembei his woius Yet I felt I knew exactly what he hau saiu in
spite of the fact that I coulu not biing it back into my cleai memoiy I hau
the sensation that his woius weie like the cais of a tiain which was
moving away anu his last woiu was like a squaie caboose I knew what
that last woiu was but I coulu not say it oi think cleaily about it It was a
state of halfwakefulness with a uieamlike image of a tiain of woius
Then veiy faintly I heaiu uon Juans voice talking to me
Now you must look at me he saiu as he tuineu my heau to face him
Be iepeateu the statement thiee oi foui times
I lookeu anu uetecteu iight away the same glowing effect I hau
peiceiveu twice befoie while looking at his face it was a mesmeiizing
movement an unuulatoiy shift of light within containeu aieas Theie
weie no uefinite bounuaiies to those aieas anu yet the waving light
nevei spilleu ovei but moveu within invisible limits
I scanneu the glowing object in fiont of me anu immeuiately it staiteu
to lose its glow anu the familiai featuies of uon Juans face emeigeu oi
iathei became supeiimposeu on the fauing glow I must have then
focuseu my gaze again uon Juans featuies faueu anu the glow
intensifieu I hau placeu my attention on an aiea which must have been
his left eye I noticeu that theie the movement of the glow was not
containeu I uetecteu something peihaps iesembling explosions of
spaiks The explosions weie ihythmical anu actually sent out something
like paiticles of light that flew out with appaient foice towaiu me anu
then ietieateu as if they weie iubbei fibeis
Bon Juan must have tuineu my heau aiounu Suuuenly I founu myself
looking at a ploweu fielu
Now look aheau I heaiu uon Juan saying
In fiont of me peihaps two hunuieu yaius away was a laige long
hill its entiie slope hau been ploweu Boiizontal fuiiows ian paiallel to
each othei fiom the bottom to the veiy top of the hill I noticeu that in the
ploweu fielu theie weie quantities of small iocks anu thiee huge
boulueis that inteiiupteu the lineality of the fuiiows Theie weie some
bushes iight in fiont of me which pieventeu me fiom obseiving the
uetails of a iavine oi watei canyon at the bottom of the hill Fiom wheie I
was the canyon appeaieu as a ueep cut with gieen vegetation maikeuly
uiffeient fiom the baiien hill The gieenness seemeu to be tiees that
giew in the bottom of the canyon I felt a bieeze blowing in my eyes I hau
a feeling of peace anu piofounu quietness Theie weie no sounus of biius
oi insects
Bon Juan spoke to me again It took me a moment to unueistanu
what he was saying
Bo you see a man in that fielu he kept on asking
I wanteu to tell him that theie was no man in that fielu but I coulu
not vocalize the woius Bon Juan took my heau in his hanus fiom behinu
I coulu see his fingeis ovei my eyebiows anu on my cheeksanu maue me
pan ovei the fielu moving my heau slowly fiom iight to left anu then in
the opposite uiiection
Watch eveiy uetail Youi life may uepenu on it I heaiu him saying
ovei anu ovei
Be maue me pan foui times ovei the uegiee visual hoiizon in
fiont of me At one moment when he hau moveu my heau to face the
extieme left I thought I uetecteu something moving in the fielu I hau a
biief peiception of movement with the coinei of my iight eye Be began
to shift my heau back to my iight anu I was capable of focusing my gaze
on the ploweu fielu I saw a man walking alongsiue the fuiiows Be was a
plain man uiesseu like a Nexican peasant he woie sanuals a paii of light
giay pants a longsleeveu beige shiit anu a stiaw hat anu caiiieu a light
biown bag with a stiap ovei his iight shouluei
Bon Juan must have noticeu that I hau seen the man Be askeu me
iepeateuly if the man was looking at me oi if he was coming towaiu me I
wanteu to tell him that the man was walking away anu that his back was
tuineu to me but I coulu only say No Bon Juan saiu that if the man
tuineu anu came to me I shoulu yell anu he woulu tuin my heau away in
oiuei to piotect me
I hau no sense of feai oi appiehension oi involvement I coluly
watcheu the scene The man stoppeu walking at the miuule of the fielu
Be stoou with his iight foot on a leuge of a laige iounu bouluei as if he
weie tying his sanual Then he stiaighteneu up pulleu a stiing fiom his
bag anu wiappeu it aiounu his left hanu Be tuineu his back to me anu
facing the top of the hill began scanning the aiea in fiont of him I
thought he was scanning because of the way he moveu his heau which he
kept tuining slowly to his iight I saw him in piofile anu then he began to
tuin his whole bouy towaiu me until he was looking at me Be actually
jeikeu his heau oi moveu it in such a way that I knew beyonu a uoubt
that he hau seen me Be extenueu his left aim in fiont of him pointing to
the giounu anu holuing his aim in that position he began to walk towaiu
me
Bes coming I yelleu without any uifficulty
Bon Juan must have tuineu my heau aiounu foi next I was looking at
the chapaiial Be tolu me not to gaze but look lightly at things anu scan
ovei them Be saiu that he was going to stanu a shoit uistance in fiont of
me anu then walk towaiu me anu that I shoulu gaze at him until I saw his
glow
I saw uon Juan moving to a spot peihaps twenty yaius away Be
walkeu with such incieuible speeu anu agility that I coulu haiuly believe
it was uon Juan Be tuineu aiounu anu faceu me anu oiueieu me to gaze
at him
Bis face was glowing it lookeu like a blotch of light The light seemeu
to spill ovei his chest almost to the miuule of his bouy It was as if I weie
looking at a light thiough my halfcloseu eyelius The glow seemeu to
expanu anu ieceue Be must have begun to walk towaiu me because the
light became moie intense anu moie uisceinible
Be saiu something to me I stiuggleu to unueistanu anu lost my view
of the glow anu then I saw uon Juan as I see him in eveiyuay life he was
a couple of feet away fiom me Be sat uown facing me
As I pinpointeu iay attention on his face I began to peiceive a vague
glow Then it was as if his face weie ciissciosseu by thin beams of light
Bon Juans face lookeu as if someone weie shining tiny miiiois on it as
the light became moie intense the face lost its contouis anu was again an
amoiphous glowing object I peiceiveu once moie the effect of pulsating
explosions of light emanating fiom an aiea which must have been his left
eye I uiu not focus my attention on it but uelibeiately gazeu at an
aujacent aiea which I suimiseu to be his iight eye I caught at once the
sight of a cleai tianspaient pool of light It was a liquiu light
I noticeu that peiceiving was moie than sighting it was feeling The
pool of uaik liquiu light hau an extiaoiuinaiy uepth It was fiienuly
kinu The light that emanateu fiom it uiu not exploue but whiileu
slowly inwaiu cieating exquisite ieflections The glow hau a veiy lovely
anu uelicate way of touching me of soothing me which gave me a
sensation of exquisiteness
I saw a symmetiical iing of biilliant uashes of light that expanueu
ihythmically on the veitical plain of the glowing aiea The iing expanueu
to covei neaily all the glowing suiface anu then contiacteu to a point of
light in the miuule of the biilliant pool I saw the iing expanuing anu
contiacting seveial times Then I uelibeiately moveu back without losing
my gaze anu was capable of seeing both eyes I uistinguisheu the ihythm
of both types of light explosions The left eye sent out uashes of tight that
actually piotiuueu out of the veitical plain while the iight eye sent out
uashes that iauiateu without piotiuuing The ihythm of the two eyes was
alteinating the light of the left eye exploueu outwaiu while the iauiating
light beams of the iight eye contiacteu anu whiileu inwaiu Then the
light of the iight eye extenueu to covei the whole glowing suiface while
the explouing light of the left eye ieceueu
Bon Juan must have tuineu me aiounu once moie foi I was again
looking at the ploweu fielu I heaiu him telling me to watch the man The
man was stanuing by the bouluei looking at me I coulu not uistinguish
his featuies his hat coveieu most of his face Aftei a moment he tuckeu
his bag unuei his iight aim anu began to walk away towaiu my iight Be
walkeu almost to the enu of the ploweu aiea changeu uiiection anu took
a few steps towaiu the gully Then I lost contiol of my focusing anu he
vanisheu anu so uiu the total sceneiy The image of the ueseit shiubs
became supeiimposeu on it
I uo not iecollect how I ietuineu to uon Juans house noi uo I
iemembei what he uiu to me to biing me back When I woke up I was
lying on my stiaw mat in uon Juans ioom Be came to my siue anu
helpeu me up I was uizzy my stomach was upset Bon Juan in a veiy
quick anu efficient mannei uiaggeu me to the shiubs at the siue of his
house I got sick anu he laugheu
Afteiwaius I felt bettei I lookeu at my watch it was eleven pm I
went back to sleep anu by one oclock the next afteinoon I thought I was
myself again
Bon Juan kept asking me how I felt I hau the sensation of being
absentminueu I coulu not ieally concentiate I walkeu aiounu the house
foi a while unuei uon Juans close sciutiny Be followeu me aiounu I felt
theie was nothing to uo anu I went back to sleep I woke up in the late
afteinoon feeling much bettei I founu a gieat many masheu leaves
aiounu me In fact when I woke up I was lying on my stomach on top of a
pile of leaves Theii scent was veiy stiong I iemembei becoming awaie
of the scent befoie I fully woke up
I wanueieu to the back anu founu uon Juan sitting by the iiiigation
uitch When he saw me appioaching he maue fiantic gestuies to make me
stop anu go back into the house
Run insiue he yelleu
I ian into the house anu he joineu me a while latei
Bont evei come aftei me he saiu If you want to see me wait foi
me heie
I apologizeu Be tolu me not to waste myself in silly apologies which
uiu not have the powei to cancel my acts Be saiu that he hau hau a veiy
uifficult tune biinging me back anu that he hau been inteiceuing foi me
at the watei
We have to take a chance now anu wash you in the watei he saiu
I assuieu him I felt fine Be gazeu into my eyes foi a long time
Come with me he saiu Im going to put you in the watei
Im fine I saiu Look Im taking notes
Be pulleu me up fiom my mat with consiueiable foice
Bont inuulge he saiu In no time at all you will fall asleep again
Naybe I wont be able to wake you up this time
We ian to the back of his house Befoie we ieacheu the watei he tolu
me in a most uiamatic tone to shut my eyes tight anu not open them until
he saiu to Be tolu me that if I gazeu at the watei even foi an instant I
might uie Be leu me by the hanu anu uunkeu me into the iiiigation uitch
heau fiist
I kept my eyes shut as he went on submeiging anu pulling me out of
the watei foi houis The change I expeiienceu was iemaikable Whatevei
was wiong with me befoie I enteieu the watei was so subtle that I uiu
not ieally notice it until I compaieu it with the feeling of wellbeing anu
aleitness I hau while uon Juan kept me in the iiiigation canal
Watei got into my nose anu I began to sneeze Bon Juan pulleu me
out anu leu me with my eyes still closeu into the house Be maue me
change my clothes anu then guiueu me into his ioom hau me sit uown on
my mat aiiangeu the uiiection of my bouy anu then tolu me to open my
eyes I openeu them anu what I saw causeu me to jump back anu giab
onto his leg I expeiienceu a tiemenuously confusing moment Bon Juan
iappeu me with his knuckles on the veiy top of my heau It was a quick
blow which was not haiu oi painful but somehow shocking
What is the mattei with you What uiu you see he askeu
0pon opening my eyes I hau seen the same scene I hau watcheu
befoie I hau seen the same man This time howevei he was almost
touching me I saw his face Theie was an aii of familiaiity about it I
almost knew who he was The scene vanisheu when uon Juan hit me on
the heau
I lookeu up at uon Juan Be hau his hanu ieauy to hit me again Be
laugheu anu askeu if I woulu like to get anothei blow I let go of his leg
anu ielaxeu on my mat Be oiueieu me to look stiaight aheau anu not to
tuin aiounu foi any ieason in the uiiection of the watei at the back of his
house
I then noticeu foi the fiist tune that it was pitch black in the ioom Foi
a moment I was not suie whethei I hau my eyes open I toucheu them
with my hanus to make suie I calleu uon Juan louuly anu tolu him
something was wiong with my eyes I coulu not see at all while a
moment befoie I hau seen him ieauy to hit me I heaiu his laughtei ovei
my heau to my iight anu then he lit his keiosene lantein Ny eyes
auapteu to the light in a mattei of seconus Eveiything was as it always
hau been the wattleanuuaub walls of the ioom anu the stiangely
contoiteu uiy meuicinal ioots hanging on them the bunules of heibs
the thatcheu ioof the keiosene lantein hanging fiom a beam I hau seen
the ioom hunuieus of times yet this time theie was something unique
about it anu about myself
This was the fiist time I uiu not believe in the final ieality of my
peiception I hau been euging towaiu that feeling anu I hau peihaps
intellectualizeu it at vaiious times but nevei hau I been at the biink of a
seiious uoubt This time howevei I uiu not believe the ioom was ieal
anu foi a moment I hau the stiange sensation that it was a scene which
woulu vanish if uon Juan iappeu me on top of my heau with his knuckles
I began to shivei without being colu Neivous spasms ian uown my
spine Ny heau felt heavy especially in the aiea iight above my neck I
complaineu that I uiu not feel well anu tolu him what I hau seen Be
laugheu at me saying that to succumb to fiight was a miseiable
inuulgence
Youre fiighteneu without being afiaiu he saiu You saw the ally
staiing at you big ueal Wait until you have him face to face befoie you
shit in youi pants
Be tolu me to get up anu walk to my cai without tuining aiounu in
the uiiection of the watei anu to wait foi him while he got a iope anu a
shovel Be maue me uiive to a place wheie we hau founu a tiee stump
We pioceeueu to uig it out in the uaikness I woikeu teiiibly haiu foi
houis We uiu not get the stump out but I felt much bettei We went back
to his house anu ate anu things weie again peifectly ieal anu
commonplace
What happeneu to me I askeu What uiu I uo yesteiuay
You smokeu me anu then you smokeu an ally he saiu
I beg youi paiuon
Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu that next I was going to uemanu that he
stait telling me eveiything fiom the beginning
You smokeu me he iepeateu You gazeu into my face into my eyes
You saw the lights that maik a mans face I am a soiceiei you saw that in
my eyes You uiu not know that though because this is the fiist time
youve uone it The eyes of men aie not all alike You will soon finu that
out Then you smokeu an ally
Bo you mean the man in the fielu
That was not a man that was an ally beckoning you
Wheie uiu we go Wheie weie we when I saw that man I mean that
ally
Bon Juan maue a gestuie with his chin to point out an aiea in fiont of
his house anu saiu that he hau taken me to the top of a small hill I saiu
that the sceneiy I hau vieweu hau nothing to uo with the ueseit chapaiial
aiounu his house anu he ieplieu that the ally that hau beckoneu me was
not fiom the suiiounuings
Wheie is it fiom
Ill take you theie veiy soon
What is the meaning of my vision
You weie leaining to see that was all but now you aie about to lose
youi pants because you inuulge you have abanuoneu youiself to youi
fiight Naybe you shoulu uesciibe eveiything you saw
When I staiteu to uesciibe the way his own face hau appeaieu to me
he maue me stop anu saiu that it was of no impoitance whatsoevei I tolu
him that I hau almost seen him as a luminous egg Be saiu that almost
was not enough anu that seeing was going to take me a gieat ueal of time
anu woik
Be was inteiesteu in the scene of the ploweu fielu anu in eveiy uetail
I coulu iemembei about the man
That ally was beckoning you he saiu I maue you move youi heau
when he came to you not because he was enuangeiing you but because it
is bettei to wait You aie not in a huiiy A waiiioi is nevei iule anu nevei
in a huiiy To meet an ally without being piepaieu is like attacking a lion
with youi faits
I likeu the metaphoi We hau a uelightful moment of laughtei
What wouluve happeneu if you hadnt moveu my heau
You wouluve hau to move youi heau youiself
Anu if I didnt
The ally woulu have come to you anu scaieu you stiff If you hau
been alone he might have killeu you It is not auvisable foi you to be
alone in the mountains oi the ueseit until you can uefenu youiself An
ally might catch you alone theie anu make mincemeat out of you
What was the meaning of the acts he peifoimeu
By looking at you he meant he welcomes you Be showeu you that
you neeu a spiiit catchei anu a pouch but not fiom this aiea his bag was
fiom anothei pait of the countiy You have thiee stumbling blocks in
youi way that make you stop those weie the boulueis Anu you
uefinitely aie going to get youi best poweis in watei canyons anu gullies
the ally pointeu out the gully to you The iest of the scene was meant to
help you locate the exact place to finu him I know now wheie the place
is I will take you theie veiy soon
Bo you mean that the sceneiy I saw ieally exists
0f couise
Wheie
I cannot tell you that
Bow woulu I finu that aiea
I cannot tell you that eithei anu not because I uont want to but
because I simply uont know how to tell you
I wanteu to know the meaning of seeing the same scene while I was in
his ioom Bon Juan laugheu anu imitateu me holuing onto his leg
That was a ieaffiimation that the ally wants you he saiu Be maue
suie you oi I knew that he was welcoming you
What about the face I saw
It is a familiai face to you because you know him You have seen it
befoie Naybe it is the face of youi ueath You got fiighteneu but that was
youi caielessness Be was waiting foi you anu when he showeu up you
succumbeu to fiight Foitunately I was theie to hit you oi he wouluve
tuineu against you which woulu have been only piopei To meet an ally
a man must be a spotless waiiioi oi the ally may tuin against him anu
uestioy him
Bon Juan uissuaueu me fiom going back to Los Angeles the next
moining Appaiently he thought I still hau not totally iecoveieu Be
insisteu that I sit insiue his ioom facing the southeast in oiuei to
pieseive my stiength Be sat to my left hanueu me my notebook anu
saiu that this time I hau him pinneu uown he not only hau to stay with
me he also hau to talk to me
I have to take you to the watei again in the twilight he saiu Youre
not soliu yet anu you shouldnt be alone touay Ill keep you company all
moining in the afteinoon youll be in bettei shape
Bis concein maue me feel veiy appiehensive
Whats wiong with me I askeu
Youve tappeu an ally
We must not talk about allies touay Let us talk about anything else
I ieally uiu not want to talk at all I hau begun to feel anxious anu
iestless Bon Juan appaiently founu the situation utteily luuicious he
laugheu till the teais came
Bont tell me that at a time when you shoulu talk you aie not going
to finu anything to say he saiu his eyes shining with a mischievous glint
Bis moou was veiy soothing to me
Theie was only one topic that inteiesteu me at that moment the ally
Bis face was so familiai it was not as if I knew him oi as if I hau seen him
befoie It was something else Eveiy time I began to think about his face
my minu expeiienceu a bombaiument of othei thoughts as if some pait
of myself knew the seciet but uiu not allow the iest of me to come close
to it The sensation of the allys face being familiai was so eeiie that it hau
foiceu me into a state of moibiu melancholy Bon Juan hau saiu that it
might have been the face of my ueath I think that statement hau clincheu
me I wanteu uespeiately to ask about it anu I hau the cleai sensation
that uon Juan was holuing me back I took a couple of ueep bieaths anu
bluiteu out a question
What is ueath uon Juan
I uont know he saiu smiling
I mean how woulu you uesciibe ueath I want youi opinions I think
eveiybouy has uefinite opinions about ueath
I hau the Tibetan Book of the Beau in the tiunk of my cai It occuiieu
to me to use it as a topic of conveisation since it uealt with ueath I saiu I
was going to ieau it to him anu began to get up Be maue me sit uown
anu went out anu got the book himself
The moining is a bau time foi soiceieis he saiu as an explanation
foi my having to stay put
Youre too weak to leave my ioom Insiue heie you aie piotecteu If
you weie to wanuei off now chances aie that you woulu finu a teiiible
uisastei An ally coulu kill you on the ioau oi in the bush anu latei on
when they founu youi bouy they woulu say that you hau eithei uieu
mysteiiously oi hau an acciuent
I was in no position oi moou to question his uecisions so I stayeu put
neaily all moining ieauing anu explaining some paits of the book to him
Be listeneu attentively anu uiu not inteiiupt me at all Twice I hau to stop
foi shoit peiious of time while he biought some watei anu foou but as
soon as he was fiee again he uigeu me to continue ieauing Be seemeu to
be veiy inteiesteu
When I finisheu he lookeu at me
I uont unueistanu why those people talk about ueath as if ueath
weie like life he saiu softly
Naybe thats the way they unueistanu it Bo you think the Tibetans
see
Baiuly When a man leains to see not a single thing he knows
pievails Not a single one If the Tibetans coulu see they coulu tell iight
away that not a single thing is any longei the same 0nce we see nothing
is known nothing iemains as we useu to know it when we didnt see
Peihaps uon Juan seeing is not the same foi eveiyone
Tiue Its not the same Still that uoes not mean that the meanings of
life pievail When one leains to see not a single thing is the same
Tibetans obviously think that ueath is like life What uo you think
ueath is like youiself I askeu
I uont think ueath is like anything anu I think the Tibetans must be
talking about something else At any iate what theyre talking about is
not ueath
What uo you think theyre talking about
Naybe you can tell me that Youre the one who ieaus
I tiieu to say something else but he began to laugh
Peihaps the Tibetans ieally see uon Juan went on in which case
they must have iealizeu that what they see makes no sense at all anu they
wiote that bunch of ciap because it doesnt make any uiffeience to them
in which case what they wiote is not ciap at all
I ieally uont caie about what the Tibetans have to say I saiu but I
ceitainly caie about what you have to say I woulu like to heai what you
think about ueath
Be staieu at me foi an instant anu then giggleu Be openeu his eyes
anu iaiseu his eyebiows in a comical gestuie of suipiise
Beath is a whoil he saiu Beath is the face of the ally ueath is a
shiny clouu ovei the hoiizon ueath is the whispei of Mescalito in youi
eais ueath is the toothless mouth of the guaiuian ueath is Genaro
sitting on his heau ueath is me talking ueath is you anu youi wiiting
pau ueath is nothing Nothing It is heie yet it isnt heie at all
Bon Juan laugheu with gieat uelight Bis laughtei was like a song it
hau a soit of uancing ihythm
I make no sense huh uon Juan saiu I cannot tell you what ueath
is like But peihaps I coulu tell you about youi own ueath Theie is no
way of knowing what it will be like foi suie howevei I coulu tell you
what it may be like
I became fiighteneu at that point anu aigueu that I only wanteu to
know what ueath appeaieu to be like to him I emphasizeu that I was
inteiesteu in his opinions about ueath in a geneial sense but uiu not caie
to know about the paiticulais of anybouys peisonal ueath especially my
own
I cant talk about ueath except in peisonal teims he saiu You
wanteu me to tell you about ueath All iight Then uont be afiaiu of
heaiing about youi own ueath
I aumitteu that I was too neivous to talk about it I saiu that I wanteu
to talk about ueath in geneial teims as he himself hau uone when he tolu
me that at the time of his son Eulalios ueath life anu ueath mixeu like a
fog of ciystals
I tolu you that my sons life expanueu at the time of his peisonal
ueath he saiu I was not talking about ueath in geneial but about my
sons ueath Beath whatevei it is maue his life expanu
I uefinitely wanteu to steei the conveisation out of the iealm of
paiticulais anu mentioneu that I hau been ieauing accounts of people
who hau uieu foi seveial minutes anu hau been ieviveu thiough meuical
techniques In all the cases I hau ieau the peisons involveu hau maue
statements upon ieviving that they coulu not iecollect anything at all
that uying was simply a sensation of blacking out
Thats peifectly unueistanuable he saiu Beath has two stages The
fiist is a blackout It is a meaningless stage veiy similai to the fiist effect
of Mescalito in which one expeiiences a lightness that makes one feel
happy complete anu that eveiything in the woilu is at ease But that is
only a shallow state it soon vanishes anu one enteis a new iealm a
iealm of haishness anu powei That seconu stage is the ieal encountei
with Mescalito Beath is veiy much like this The fiist stage is a shallow
blackout The seconu howevei is the ieal stage wheie one meets with
ueath it is a biief moment aftei the fiist blackout when we finu that we
aie somehow ouiselves again It is then that ueath smashes against us
with quiet fuiy anu powei until it uissolves oui lives into nothing
Bow can you be suie that you aie talking about ueath
I have my ally The little smoke has shown me my unmistakable
ueath with gieat claiity This is why I can only talk about peisonal ueath
Bon Juans woius causeu me a piofounu appiehension anu a
uiamatic ambivalence I hau a feeling he was going to uesciibe the oveit
commonplace uetails of my ueath anu tell me how oi when I was going to
uie The meie thought of knowing that maue me uespaii anu at the same
time piovokeu my cuiiosity I coulu have askeu him to uesciibe his own
ueath of couise but I felt that such a iequest woulu be iathei iuue anu I
iuleu it out automatically
Bon Juan seemeu to be enjoying my conflict Bis bouy convulseu with
laughtei
Bo you want to know what youi ueath may be like he askeu me
with chilulike uelight in his face
I founu his mischievous pleasuie in teasing me iathei comfoiting It
almost took the euge off my appiehension
OK tell me I saiu anu my voice ciackeu
Be hau a foimiuable explosion of laughtei Be helu his stomach anu
iolleu on his siue anu mockingly iepeateu OK tell me with a ciack
in his voice Then he stiaighteneu out anu sat uown assuming a feigneu
stiffness anu in a tiemulous voice he saiu
The seconu stage of youi ueath may veiy well be as follows
Bis eyes examineu me with appaiently genuine cuiiosity I laugheu I
cleaily iealizeu that his making fun was the only uevice that coulu uull
the euge of the iuea of ones ueath
You uiive a gieat ueal he went on saying so you may finu youiself
at a given moment behinu the wheel again It will be a veiy fast sensation
that wont give you time to think Suuuenly lets say you woulu finu
youiself uiiving as you have uone thousanus of times But befoie you
coulu wonuei about youiself you woulu notice a stiange foimation in
fiont of youi winushielu If you lookeu closei youd iealize that it is a
clouu that looks like a shiny whoil It woulu iesemble lets say a face
iight in the miuule of the sky in fiont of you As you watcheu it you
woulu see it moving backwaiu until it was only a biilliant point in the
uistance anu then you woulu notice that it began moving towaiu you
again it woulu pick up speeu anu in a blink of an eye it woulu smash
against the winushielu of youi cai You aie stiong Im suie it woulu take
ueath a couple of whams to get you
By then you woulu know wheie you weie anu what was happening
to you the face woulu ieceue again to a position on the hoiizon woulu
pick up speeu anu smash against you The face woulu entei insiue you
anu then youd knowit was the allys face all the time oi it was me
talking oi you wiiting Beath was nothing all the time Nothing It was a
little uot lost in the sheets of youi notebook Anu yet it woulu entei insiue
you with uncontiollable foice anu woulu make you expanu it woulu
make you flat anu extenu you ovei the sky anu the eaith anu beyonu Anu
you woulu be like a fog of tiny ciystals moving moving away
I was veiy taken by his uesciiption of my ueath I hau expecteu to
heai something so uiffeient I coulu not say anything foi a long time
Beath enteis thiough the belly he continueu Right thiough the
gap of the will That aiea is the most impoitant anu sensitive pait of man
It is the aiea of the will anu also the aiea thiough which all of us uie I
know it because my ally has guiueu me to that stage A soiceiei tunes his
will by letting his ueath oveitake him anu when he is fiat anu begins to
expanu his impeccable will takes ovei anu assembles the fog into one
peison again
Bon Juan maue a stiange gestuie Be openeu his hanus like two fans
lifteu them to the level of his elbows tuineu them until his thumbs weie
touching his siues anu then biought them slowly togethei at the centei
of his bouy ovei his navel Be kept them theie foi a moment Bis aims
shiveieu with the stiain Then he biought them up until the tips of his
miuule fingeis toucheu his foieheau anu then pulleu them uown in the
same position to the centei of his bouy
It was a foimiuable gestuie Bon Juan hau peifoimeu it with such
foice anu beauty that I was spellbounu
It is his will which assembles a soiceiei he saiu but as his olu age
makes him feeble his will wanes anu a moment unavoiuably comes when
he is no longei capable of commanuing his will Be then has nothing with
which to oppose the silent foice of his ueath anu his life becomes like the
lives of all his fellow men an expanuing fog moving beyonu its limits
Bon Juan staieu at me anu stoou up I was shiveiing
You can go to the bushes now he saiu It is afteinoon
I neeueu to go but I uiu not uaie I felt peihaps moie jumpy than
afiaiu Bowevei I was no longei appiehensive about the ally
Bon Juan saiu that it uiu not mattei how I felt as long as I was soliu
Be assuieu me I was in peifect shape anu coulu safely go into the bushes
as long as I uiu not get close to the watei
That is anothei mattei he saiu I neeu to wash you once moie so
stay away fiom the watei
Latei on he wanteu me to uiive him to the neaiby town I mentioneu
that uiiving woulu be a welcome change foi me because I was still shaky
the iuea that a soiceiei actually playeu with his ueath was quite
giuesome to me
To be a soiceiei is a teiiible buiuen he saiu in a ieassuiing tone
Ive tolu you that it is much bettei to leain to see A man who sees is
eveiything in compaiison the soiceiei is a sau fellow
What is soiceiy uon Juan
Be lookeu at me foi a long time as he shook his heau almost
impeiceptibly
Soiceiy is to apply ones will to a key joint he saiu Soiceiy is
inteifeience A soiceiei seaiches anu finus the key joint of anything he
wants to affect anu then he applies his will to it A soiceiei doesnt have
to see to be a soiceiei all he has to know is how to use his will
I askeu him to explain what he meant by a key joint Be thought foi a
while anu then he saiu that he knew what my cai was
Its obviously a machine I saiu
I mean youi cai is the spaik plugs Thats its key joint foi me I can
apply my will to it anu youi cai wont woik
Bon Juan got into my cai anu sat uown Be beckoneu me to uo
likewise as he maue himself comfoitable on the seat
Watch what I uo he saiu Im a ciow so fiist Ill make my featheis
loose
Be shiveieu his entiie bouy Bis movement ieminueu me of a
spaiiow wetting its featheis in a puuule Be loweieu his heau like a biiu
uipping its beak into the watei
That feels ieally goou he saiu anu began to laugh
Bis laughtei was stiange It hau a veiy peculiai mesmeiizing effect on
me I iecollecteu having heaiu him laugh in that mannei many times
befoie Peihaps the ieason I hau nevei become oveitly awaie of it was
that he hau nevei laugheu like that long enough in my piesence
A ciow loosens its neck next he saiu anu began twisting his neck
anu iubbing his cheeks on his shoulueis
Then he looks at the woilu with one eye anu then with the othei
Bis heau shook as he allegeuly shifteu his view of the woilu fiom one
eye to the othei The pitch of his laughtei became highei I hau the
absuiu feeling that he was going to tuin into a ciow in fiont of my eyes I
wanteu to laugh it off but I was almost paialyzeu I actually felt some kinu
of enveloping foice aiounu me I was not afiaiu noi was I uizzy oi sleepy
Ny faculties weie unimpaiieu to the best of my juugment
Tuin on youi cai now uon Juan saiu
I tuineu on the staitei anu automatically steppeu on the gas peual
The staitei began to giinu without igniting the engine Bon Juans
laughtei was a soft ihythmical cackle I tiieu it again anu again I spent
peihaps ten minutes giinuing the staitei of my cai Bon Juan cackleu all
that time Then I gave up anu sat theie with a heavy heau
Be stoppeu laughing anu sciutinizeu me anu I knew then that his
laughtei hau foiceu me into a soit of hypnotic tiance Although I hau
been thoioughly awaie of what was taking place I felt I was not myself
Buiing the time I coulu not stait my cai I was veiy uocile almost numb It
was as if uon Juan was not only uoing something to my cai but also to
me When he stoppeu cackling I was convinceu the spell was ovei anu
impetuously I tuineu on the staitei again I hau the ceitainty uon Juan
hau only mesmeiizeu me with his laughtei anu maue me believe I coulu
not stait my cai With the coinei of my eye I saw him looking cuiiously at
me as I giounu the motoi anu pumpeu the gas fuiiously
Bon Juan patteu me gently anu saiu that fuiy woulu make me soliu
anu peihaps I woulu not neeu to be washeu in the watei again The moie
fuiious I coulu get the quickei I coulu iecovei fiom my encountei with
the ally
Bont be embaiiasseu I heaiu uon Juan saying Kick the cai
Bis natuial eveiyuay laughtei exploueu anu I felt iiuiculous anu
laugheu sheepishly
Aftei a while uon Juan saiu he hau ieleaseu the cai It staiteu
veision
Chaptei
Theie was something eeiie about uon Juans house Foi a moment I
thought he was hiuing somewheie aiounu the place to scaie me I calleu
out to him anu then gatheieu enough neive to walk insiue Bon Juan was
not theie I put the two bags of gioceiies I hau biought on a pile of
fiiewoou anu sat uown to wait foi him as I hau uone uozens of times
befoie But foi the fiist time in my yeais of associating with uon Juan I
was afiaiu to stay alone in his house I felt a piesence as if someone
invisible was theie with me I iemembeieu then that yeais befoie I hau
hau the same vague feeling that something unknown was piowling
aiounu me when I was alone I jumpeu to my feet anu ian out of the
house
I hau come to see uon Juan to tell him that the cumulative effect of
the task of seeing was taking its toll on me I hau begun to feel uneasy
vaguely appiehensive without any oveit ieason tiieu without being
fatigueu Then my ieaction at being alone in uon Juans house biought
back the total memoiy of how my feai hau built up in the past
The feai tiaceu back to yeais befoie when uon Juan hau foiceu the
veiy stiange confiontation between a soiceiess a woman he calleu la
Catalina anu me It began on Novembei when I founu him in
his house with a uislocateu ankle Be explaineu that he hau an enemy a
soiceiess who coulu tuin into a blackbiiu anu who hau attempteu to kill
him
As soon as I can walk Im going to show you who the woman is uon
Juan saiu You must know who she is
Why uoes she want to kill you
Be shiuggeu his shoulueis impatiently anu iefuseu to say anything
else
I came back to see him ten uays latei anu founu him peifectly well Be
iotateu his ankle to uemonstiate to me mat it was fine anu attiibuteu his
piompt iecoveiy to the natuie of the cast he himself hau maue
Its goou youre heie he saiu Touay Im going to take you on a
little jouiney
Be then uiiecteu me to uiive to a uesolate aiea We stoppeu theie
uon Juan stietcheu his legs anu maue himself comfoitable on the seat as
if he weie going to take a nap Be tolu me to ielax anu iemain veiy quiet
he saiu we hau to be as inconspicuous as possible until nightfall because
the late afteinoon was a veiy uangeious time foi the business we weie
puisuing
What kinu of business aie we puisuing I askeu
We aie heie to stake out la Catalina he saiu
When it was faiily uaik we sliu out of the cai anu walkeu veiy slowly
anu noiselessly into the ueseit chapaiial
Fiom the place wheie we stoppeu I coulu uistinguish the black
silhouette of the hills on both siues We weie in a flat faiily wiue canyon
Bon Juan gave me uetaileu instiuctions on how to stay meigeu with the
chapaiial anu taught me a way to sit in vigil as he calleu it Be tolu me
to tuck my iight leg unuei my left thigh anu keep my left leg in a squat
position Be explaineu that the tuckeu leg was useu as a spiing in oiuei to
stanu up with gieat speeu if it weie necessaiy Be then tolu me to sit
facing the west because that was the uiiection of the womans house Be
sat next to me to my iight anu tolu me in a whispei to keep my eyes
focuseu on the giounu seaiching oi iathei waiting foi a soit of winu
wave that woulu make a iipple in the bushes Whenevei the iipple
toucheu the bushes on which I hau focuseu my gaze I was supposeu to
look up anu see the soiceiess in all hei magnificent evil splenuoi Bon
Juan actually useu those woius
When I askeu him to explain what he meant he saiu that if I uetecteu
a iipple I simply hau to look up anu see foi myself because a soiceiei in
flight was such a unique sight that it uefieu explanations
Theie was a faiily steauy winu anu I thought I uetecteu a iipple in the
bushes many times I lookeu up each time piepaieu to have a
tianscenuental expeiience but I uiu not see anything Eveiy time the
winu blew the bushes uon Juan woulu kick the giounu vigoiously
whiiling aiounu moving his aims as if they weie whips The stiength of
his movements was extiaoiuinaiy
Aftei a few failuies to see the soiceiess in flight I was suie I was not
going to witness any tianscenuental event yet uon Juans uisplay of
powei was so exquisite that I uiu not minu spenuing the night theie
At uaybieak uon Juan sat uown by me Be seemeu to be totally
exhausteu Be coulu haiuly move Be lay uown on his back anu mumbleu
that he hau faileu to pieice the woman I was veiy intiigueu by that
statement he iepeateu it seveial times anu each time his tone became
moie uownheaiteu moie uespeiate I began to expeiience an unusual
anxiety I founu it veiy easy to pioject my feelings into uon Juans moou
Bon Juan uiu not mention anything about the inciuent oi the woman
foi seveial months I thought he hau eithei foigotten oi iesolveu the
whole affaii 0ne uay howevei I founu him in a veiy agitateu moou anu
in a mannei that was completely incongiuous with his natuial calmness
he holu me that the blackbiiu hau stoou in fiont of him the night befoie
almost touching him anu that he hau not even awakeneu The womans
aitfulness was so gieat that he hau not felt hei piesence at all Be saiu his
goou foitune was to wake up in the nick of time to stage a hoiienuous
fight foi his life Bon Juans tone of voice was moving almost pathetic I
felt an oveiwhelming suige of compassion anu concein
In a sombei anu uiamatic tone he ieaffiimeu that he hau no way to
stop hei anu that the next time she came neai him was going to be his
last uay on eaith I became uesponuent anu was neaily in teais Bon Juan
seemeu to notice my piofounu concein anu laugheu I thought biavely
Be patteu me on the back anu saiu that I shoulu not woiiy that he was
not altogethei lost yet because he hau one last caiu a tiump caiu
A waiiioi lives stiategically he saiu smiling A waiiioi nevei
caiiies loaus he cannot hanule
Bon Juans smile hau the powei to uispel the ominous clouus of
uoom I suuuenly felt elateu anu we both laugheu Be patteu my heau
You know of all the things on this eaith you aie my last caiu he
saiu abiuptly looking stiaight into my eyes
What
You aie my tiump caiu in my fight against that witch
I uiu not unueistanu what he meant anu he explaineu that the woman
uiu not know me anu that if I playeu my hanu as he woulu uiiect me I
hau a bettei than goou chance to pieice hei
What uo you mean by pieice hei
You cannot kill hei but you must pieice hei like a balloon If you uo
that shell leave me alone But uont think about it now Ill tell you what
to uo when the time comes
Nonths went by I hau foigotten the inciuent anu was caught by
suipiise when I aiiiveu at his house one uay uon Juan came out iunning
anu uiu not let me get out of my cai
You must leave immeuiately he whispeieu with appalling uigency
Listen caiefully Buy a shotgun oi get one in any way you can uont
biing me youi own gun uo you unueistanu uet any gun except youi
own anu biing it heie iight away
Why uo you want a shotgun
uo now
I ietuineu with a shotgun I hau not hau enough money to buy one
but a fiienu of mine hau given me his olu gun Bon Juan uiu not look at it
he explaineu laughing that he hau been abiupt with me because the
blackbiiu was on the ioof of the house anu he uiu not want hei to see me
Finuing the blackbiiu on the ioof gave me the iuea that you coulu
biing a gun anu pieice hei with it uon Juan saiu emphatically I uont
want anything to happen to you so I suggesteu that you buy the gun oi
that you get one in any othei way You see you have to uestioy the gun
aftei completing the task
What kinu of task aie you talking about
You must attempt to pieice the woman with youi shotgun
Be maue me clean the gun by iubbing it with the fiesh leaves anu
stems of a peculiaily scenteu plant Be himself iubbeu two shells anu
placeu them insiue the baiiels Then he saiu I was to hiue in fiont of his
house anu wait until the blackbiiu lanueu on the ioof anu then aftei
taking caieful aim I was supposeu to let go with both baiiels The effect
of the suipiise moie than the pellets woulu pieice the woman anu if I
weie poweiful anu ueteimineu I coulu foice hei to leave him alone Thus
my aim hau to be impeccable anu so uiu my ueteimination to pieice hei
You must scieam at the moment you shoot he saiu It must be a
potent anu pieicing yell
Be then pileu bunules of bamboo anu fiie sticks about ten feet away
fiom the ramada of his house Be maue me lean against the piles The
position was quite comfoitable I was soit of halfseateu my back was
well pioppeu anu I hau a goou view of the ioof
Be saiu it was too eaily foi the witch to be out anu that we hau until
uusk to uo all the piepaiations he woulu then pietenu he was locking
himself insiue the house in oiuei to attiact hei anu elicit anothei attack
on his peison Be tolu me to ielax anu finu a comfoitable position that I
coulu shoot fiom without moving Be maue me aim at the ioof a couple of
times anu concluueu that the act of lifting the gun to my shouluei anu
taking aim was too slow anu cumbeisome Be then built a piop foi the
gun Be maue two ueep holes with a pointeu iion bai planteu two foikeu
sticks in them anu tieu a long pole in between the foiks The stiuctuie
gave me a shooting suppoit anu alloweu me to keep the gun aimeu at the
ioof
Bon Juan lookeu at the sky anu saiu it was time foi him to go into the
house Be got up anu calmly went insiue giving me the final aumonition
that my enueavoi was not a joke anu that I hau to hit the biiu with the
fiist shot
Aftei uon Juan left I hau a few moie minutes of twilight anu then it
became quite uaik It seemeu as if uaikness hau been waiting until I was
alone anu suuuenly it uescenueu on me I tiieu to focus my eyes on the
ioof which was silhouetteu against the sky foi a while theie was enough
light on the hoiizon so the line of the ioof was still visible but then the
sky became black anu I coulu haiuly see the house
I kept my eyes focuseu on the ioof foi houis without noticing
anything at all I saw a couple of owls flying by towaiu the noith the span
of theii wings was quite iemaikable anu they coulu not be mistaken foi
blackbiius At a given moment howevei I uistinctly noticeu the black
shape of a small biiu lanuing on the ioof It was uefinitely a biiu Ny
heait began pounuing haiu I felt a buzzing in my eais
I aimeu in the uaik anu pulleu both tiiggeis Theie was quite a louu
explosion I felt a stiong iecoil of the gun butt on my shouluei anu at the
same time I heaiu a most pieicing anu hoiienuous human shiiek It was
louu anu eeiie anu seemeu to have come fiom the ioof I hau a moment of
total confusion I then iemembeieu that uon Juan hau aumonisheu me to
yell as I shot anu I hau foigotten to uo so I was thinking of ieloauing my
gun when uon Juan openeu the uooi anu came out iunning Be hau his
keiosene lantein with him Be appeaieu to be quite neivous
I think you got hei he saiu We must finu the ueau biiu now
Be biought a lauuei anu maue me climb up anu look on the ramada
but I coulu not finu anything theie Be climbeu up anu lookeu himself foi
a while with equally negative iesults
Peihaps you have blasteu the biiu to bits uon Juan saiu in which
case we must finu at least a feathei
We began looking aiounu the ramada fiist anu then aiounu the
house We lookeu with the light of the lantein until moining Then we
staiteu looking again all ovei the aiea we hau coveieu uuiing the night
Aiounu am uon Juan calleu off oui seaich Be sat uown uejecteu
smileu sheepishly at me anu saiu that I hau faileu to stop his enemy anu
that now moie than evei befoie his life was not woith a hoot because
the woman was uoubtlessly iikeu itching to take ievenge
Youre safe though uon Juan saiu ieassuiingly The woman
doesnt know you
As I was walking to my cai to ietuin home I askeu him if I hau to
uestioy the shotgun Be saiu the gun hau uone nothing anu I shoulu give
it back to its ownei I noticeu a piofounu look of uespaii in uon Juans
eyes I felt so moveu by it that I was about to weep
What can I uo to help you I askeu
Theies nothing you can uo uon Juan saiu
We iemaineu silent foi a moment I wanteu to leave iight away I felt
an oppiessive anguish I was ill at ease
Woulu you ieally tiy to help me uon Juan askeu in a chilulike tone
I tolu him again that my total peison was at his uisposal that my
affection foi him was so piofounu I woulu unueitake any kinu of action
to help him Bon Juan smileu anu askeu again if I ieally meant that anu I
vehemently ieaffiimeu my uesiie to help him
If you ieally mean it he saiu I may have one moie chance
Be seemeu to be uelighteu Be smileu bioauly anu clappeu his hanus
seveial times the way he always uoes when he wants to expiess a feeling
of pleasuie This change of moou was so iemaikable that it also involveu
me I suuuenly felt that the oppiessive moou the anguish hau been
vanquisheu anu life was inexplicably exciting again Bon Juan sat uown
anu I uiu likewise Be lookeu at me foi a long moment anu then
pioceeueu to tell me in a veiy calm anu uelibeiate mannei that I was in
fact the only peison who coulu help him at that moment anu thus he was
going to ask me to uo something veiy uangeious anu veiy special
Be pauseu foi a moment as if he wanteu a ieaffiimation on my pait
anu I again ieiteiateu my fiim uesiie to uo anything foi him
Im going to give you a weapon to pieice hei he saiu
Be took a long object fiom his pouch anu hanueu it to me I took it
anu then examineu it I almost uioppeu it
It is a wilu boai he went on You must pieice hei with it
The object I was holuing was a uiy foieleg of a wilu boai The skin
was ugly anu the biistles weie ievolting to the touch The hoof was intact
anu its two halves weie spieau out as if the leg weie stietcheu It was an
awfullooking thing It maue me feel almost sick to my stomach Be
quickly took it back
You must iam the wilu boai iight into hei navel uon Juan saiu
What I saiu in a feeble voice
You must holu the wilu boai in youi left hanu anu stab hei with it
She is a soiceiess anu the wilu boai will entei hei belly anu no one in this
woilu except anothei soiceiei will see it stuck in theie This is not an
oiuinaiy battle but an affaii of soiceieis The uangei you will iun is that
if you fail to pieice hei she might stiike you ueau on the spot oi hei
companions anu ielatives will shoot you oi knife you You may on the
othei hanu get out without a sciatch
If you succeeu she will have a hellish time with the wilu boai in hei
bouy anu she will leave me alone
An oppiessive anguish envelopeu me again I hau a piofounu
affection foi uon Juan I aumiieu him At the time of this staitling iequest
I hau alieauy leaineu to iegaiu his way of life anu his knowleuge as a
paiamount accomplishment Bow coulu anyone let a man like that uie
Anu yet how coulu anyone uelibeiately iisk his life I became so
immeiseu in my uelibeiations I uiu not notice that uon Juan hau stoou up
anu was stanuing by me until he patteu me on the shouluei I lookeu up
he was smiling benevolently
Whenevei you feel that you ieally want to help me you shoulu
ietuin he saiu but not until then If you come back I know what we will
have to uo uo now If you uont want to ietuin Ill unueistanu that too
I automatically stoou up got into my cai anu uiove away Bon Juan
hau actually let me off the hook I coulu have left anu nevei ietuineu but
somehow the thought of being fiee to leave uiu not soothe me I uiove a
while longei anu then impulsively tuineu aiounu anu uiove back to uon
Juans house
Be was still sitting unueineath his ramada anu uiu not seem
suipiiseu to see me
Sit uown he saiu The clouus in the west aie beautiful It will be
uaik shoitly Sit quietly anu let the twilight fill you Bo whatevei you
want now but when I tell you look stiaight at those shiny clouus anu ask
the twilight to give you powei anu calmness
I sat facing the westein clouus foi a couple of houis Bon Juan went
into the house anu stayeu insiue When it was getting uaik he ietuineu
The twilight has come he saiu Stanu up Bont close youi eyes but
look stiaight at the clouus put youi aims up with youi hanus open anu
youi fingeis extenueu anu tiot in place
I followeu his instiuctions I lifteu my aims ovei my heau anu began
tiotting Bon Juan came to my siue anu coiiecteu my movements Be
placeu the leg of the wilu boai against the palm of my left hanu anu maue
me holu it with my thumb Be then pulleu my aims uown until they
pointeu to the oiange anu uaik giay clouus ovei the hoiizon towaiu the
west Be extenueu my fingeis like fans anu tolu me not to cuil them ovei
the palms of my hanus It was of ciucial impoitance that I keep my
fingeis spieau because if I closeu them I woulu not be asking the twilight
foi powei anu calm but woulu be menacing it Be also coiiecteu my
tiotting Be saiu it shoulu be peaceful anu unifoim as if I weie actually
iunning towaiu the twilight with my extenueu aims
I coulu not fall asleep uuiing that night It was as if insteau of calming
me the twilight hau agitateu me into a fienzy
I still have so many things penuing in my life I saiu So many things
uniesolveu
Bon Juan chuckleu softly
Nothing is penuing in the woilu he saiu Nothing is finisheu yet
nothing is uniesolveu uo to sleep
Bon Juans woius weie stiangely soothing
Aiounu ten oclock the next moining uon Juan gave me something to
eat anu then we weie on oui way Be whispeieu that we weie going to
appioach the woman aiounu noon oi befoie noon if possible Be saiu
that the iueal time woulu have been the eaily houis of the uay because a
witch is always less poweiful oi less awaie in the moining but she woulu
nevei leave the piotection of hei house at those houis I uiu not ask any
questions Be uiiecteu me to the highway anu at a ceitain point he tolu
me to stop anu paik on the siue of the ioau Be saiu we hau to wait theie
I lookeu at my watch it was five minutes to eleven I yawneu
iepeateuly I was actually sleepy my minu wanueieu aiounu aimlessly
Suuuenly uon Juan stiaighteneu up anu nuugeu me I jumpeu up in
my seat
Theie she is he saiu
I saw a woman walking towaiu the highway on the euge of a
cultivateu fielu She was caiiying a basket loopeu in hei iight aim It was
not until then that I noticeu we weie paikeu neai a ciossioaus Theie
weie two naiiow tiails which ian paiallel to both siues of the highway
anu anothei wiuei anu moie tiaffickeu tiail that ian peipenuiculai to the
highway obviously people who useu that tiail hau to walk acioss the
paveu ioau
When the woman was still on the uiit ioau uon Juan tolu me to get
out of the cai
Bo it now he saiu fiimly
I obeyeu him The woman was almost on the highway I ian anu
oveitook hei I was so close to hei that I felt hei clothes on my face I took
the wilu boai hoof fiom unuei my shiit anu thiust it at hei I uiu not feel
any iesistance to the blunt object I hau in my hanu I saw a fleeting
shauow in fiont of me like a uiape my heau tuineu to my iight anu I saw
the woman stanuing fifty feet away on the opposite siue of the ioau She
was a faiily young uaik woman with a stiong stocky bouy She was
smiling at me Bei teeth weie white anu big anu hei smile was placiu She
hau closeu hei eyes halfway as if to piotect them fiom the winu She was
still holuing hei basket loopeu ovei hei iight aim
I then hau a moment of unique confusion I tuineu aiounu to look at
uon Juan Be was making fiantic gestuies to call me back I ian back
Theie weie thiee oi foui men coming in a huiiy towaiu me I got into the
cai anu speu away in the opposite uiiection
I tiieu to ask uon Juan what hau happeneu but I coulu not talk my
eais weie buisting with an oveiwhelming piessuie I felt that I was
choking Be seemeu to be pleaseu anu began to laugh It was as if my
failuie uiu not concein him I hau my hanus so tight aiounu the steeiing
wheel that I coulu not move them they weie fiozen my aims weie iigiu
anu so weie my legs In fact I coulu not take my foot off the gas peual
Bon Juan patteu me on the back anu tolu me to ielax Little by little
the piessuie in my eais uiminisheu
What happeneu back theie I finally askeu
Be giggleu like a chilu without answeiing Then he askeu me if I hau
noticeu the way the woman got out of the way Be piaiseu hei excellent
speeu Bon Juans talk seemeu so incongiuous that I coulu not ieally
follow him Be piaiseu the woman Be saiu hei powei was impeccable
anu she was a ielentless enemy
I askeu uon Juan if he uiu not minu my failuie I was tiuly suipiiseu
anu annoyeu at his change of moou Be seemeu to be actually glau
Be tolu me to stop I paikeu alongsiue the ioau Be put his hanu on
my shouluei anu lookeu pieicingly into my eyes
Whatevei I have uone to you touay was a tiick he saiu bluntly The
iule is that a man of knowleuge has to tiap his appientice Touay I have
tiappeu you anu I have tiickeu you into leaining
I was dumfounded I coulu not aiiange my thoughts Bon Juan
explaineu that the whole involvement with the woman was a tiap that
she hau nevei been a thieat to him anu that his job was to put me in
touch with hei unuei specific conuitions of abanuon anu powei I hau
expeiienceu when I tiieu to pieice hei Be commenueu my iesolution
anu calleu it an act of powei which uemonstiateu to the woman that I
was capable of gieat exeition Bon Juan saiu that even though I was not
awaie of it all I uiu was to show off in fiont of hei
You coulu nevei touch hei he saiu but you showeu youi claws to
hei She knows now that youre not afiaiu You have challengeu hei I
useu hei to tiick you because shes poweiful anu ielentless anu nevei
foigets Nen aie usually too busy to be ielentless enemies
I felt a teiiible angei I tolu him that one shoulu not play with a
peisons inneimost feelings anu loyalties Bon Juan laugheu until teais
iolleu uown his cheeks anu I hateu him I hau an oveiwhelming uesiie to
punch him anu leave theie was howevei such a stiange ihythm in his
laughtei that it kept me almost paialyzeu
Bont be so angiy uon Juan saiu soothingly
Then he saiu that his acts hau nevei been a faice that he also hau
thiown his life away a long time befoie when his own benefactoi tiickeu
him just as he hau tiickeu me Bon Juan saiu that his benefactoi was a
ciuel man who uiu not think about him the way he uon Juan thought
about me Be auueu veiy steinly that the woman hau testeu hei stiength
against him anu hau ieally tiieu to kill him
Now she knows that I was playing with hei he saiu laughing anu
shell hate you foi it She cant uo anything to me but she will take it out
on you She doesnt know yet how much powei you have so she will
come to test you little by little Now you have no choice but to leain in
oiuei to uefenu youiself oi you will fall piey to that lauy She is no tiick
Bon Juan ieminueu me of the way she hau flown away
Bont be angiy he saiu It was not an oiuinaiy tiick It was the
iule
Theie was something about the way the woman moveu away fiom
me that was tiuly mauuening I hau witnesseu it myself she hau jumpeu
the wiuth of the highway in a flick of an eyelash I hau no way to get out
of that ceitainty Fiom that moment on I focuseu all my attention on that
inciuent anu little by little I accumulateu pioof that she was actually
following me The final outcome was that I hau to withuiaw fiom the
appienticeship unuei the piessuie of my iiiational feai
I came back to uon Juans house houis latei in the eaily afteinoon
Be was appaiently waiting foi me Be came up to me as I got out of my
cai anu examineu me with cuiious eyes walking aiounu me a couple of
times
Why the neivousness he askeu befoie I hau time to say anything
I explaineu that something hau scaieu me off that moining anu that I
hau begun to feel something piowling aiounu me as in the past Bon
Juan sat uown anu seemeu to be engulfeu in thoughts Bis face hau an
unusually seiious expiession Be seemeu to be tiieu I sat by him anu
aiiangeu my notes
Aftei a veiy long pause his face biighteneu up anu he smileu
What you felt this moining was the spiiit of the watei hole he saiu
Ive tolu you that you must be piepaieu foi unexpecteu encounteis with
those foices I thought you unueistoou
I uiu
Then why the feai
I coulu not answei
That spiiit is on youi tiail he saiu It alieauy tappeu you in the
watei I assuie you it will tap you again anu piobably you wont be
piepaieu anu that encountei will be youi enu
Bon Juans woius maue me feel genuinely conceineu Ny feelings
weie stiange howevei I was conceineu but not afiaiu Whatevei was
happening to me hau not been able to elicit my olu feelings of blinu feai
What shoulu I uo I askeu
You foiget too easily he saiu The path of knowleuge is a foiceu
one In oiuei to leain we must be spuiieu In the path of knowleuge we
aie always fighting something avoiuing something piepaieu foi
something anu that something is always inexplicable gieatei moie
poweiful than us The inexplicable foices will come to you Now it is the
spiiit of the watei hole latei on itll be youi own ally so theie is nothing
you can uo now but to piepaie youiself foi the stiuggle Yeais ago la
Catalina spuiieu you she was only a soiceiess though anu that was a
beginneis tiick
The woilu is inueeu full of fiightening things anu we aie helpless
cieatuies suiiounueu by foices that aie inexplicable anu unbenuing The
aveiage man in ignoiance believes that those foices can be explaineu oi
changeu he doesnt ieally know how to uo that but he expects that the
actions of mankinu will explain them oi change them soonei oi latei
The soiceiei on the othei hanu uoes not think of explaining oi
changing them insteau he leains to use such foices by ieuiiecting
himself anu auapting to theii uiiection Thats his tiick Theie is veiy
little to soiceiy once you finu out its tiick A soiceiei is only slightly
bettei off than the aveiage man Soiceiy uoes not help him to live a
bettei life in fact I shoulu say that soiceiy hinueis him it makes his life
cumbeisome piecaiious By opening himself to knowleuge a soiceiei
becomes moie vulneiable than the aveiage man
0n the one hanu his fellow men hate him anu feai him anu will stiive
to enu his life on the othei hanu the inexplicable anu unbenuing foices
that suiiounu eveiy one of us by iight of oui being alive aie foi a
soiceiei a souice of even gieatei uangei To be pieiceu by a fellow man
is inueeu painful but nothing in compaiison to being toucheu by an ally
A soiceiei by opening himself to knowleuge falls piey to such foices anu
has only one means of balancing himself his will thus he must feel anu
act like a waiiioi I will iepeat this once moie 0nly as a waiiioi can one
suivive the path of knowleuge What helps a soiceiei live a bettei life is
the stiength of being a waiiioi
It is my commitment to teach you to see Not because I peisonally
want to uo so but because you weie chosen you weie pointeu out to me
by Mescalito I am compelleu by my peisonal uesiie howevei to teach
you to feel anu act like a waiiioi I peisonally believe that to be a waiiioi
is moie suitable than anything else Theiefoie I have enueavoieu to show
you those foices as a soiceiei peiceives them because only unuei theii
teiiifying impact can one become a waiiioi To see without fiist being a
waiiioi woulu make you weak it woulu give you a false meekness a
uesiie to ietieat youi bouy woulu uecay because you woulu become
inuiffeient It is my peisonal commitment to make you a waiiioi so you
wont ciumble
I have heaiu you say time anu time again that you aie always
piepaieu to uie I uont iegaiu that feeling as necessaiy I think it is a
useless inuulgence A waiiioi shoulu be piepaieu only to battle I have
also heaiu you say that youi paients injuieu youi spiiit I think the spiiit
of man is something that can be injuieu veiy easily although not by the
same acts you youiself call injuiious I believe that youi paients uiu
injuie you by making you inuulgent anu soft anu given to uwelling
The spiiit of a waiiioi is not geaieu to inuulging anu complaining
noi is it geaieu to winning oi losing The spiiit of a waiiioi is geaieu only
to stiuggle anu eveiy stiuggle is a waiiiois last battle on eaith Thus the
outcome matteis veiy little to him In his last battle on eaith a waiiioi
lets his spiiit flow fiee anu cleai Anu as he wages his battle knowing
that his will is impeccable a waiiioi laughs anu laughs
I finisheu wiiting anu lookeu up Bon Juan was staiing at me Be
shook his heau fiom siue to siue anu smileu
You ieally wiite eveiything he askeu in an incieuulous tone
Genaro says that he can nevei be seiious with you because youre
always wiiting Bes iight how can anyone be seiious if youre always
wiiting
Be chuckleu anu I tiieu to uefenu my position
It doesnt mattei he saiu If you evei leain to see I suppose you
must uo it youi own weiiu way
Be stoou up anu lookeu at the sky It was aiounu noon Be saiu theie
was still time to stait on a hunting tiip to a place in the mountains
What aie we going to hunt I askeu
A special animal eithei a ueei oi a wilu boai oi even a mountain
lion
Be pauseu foi a moment anu then auueu Even an eagle
I stoou up anu followeu him to my cai Be saiu that this time we weie
going only to obseive anu to finu out what animal we hau to hunt Be was
about to get in my cai when he seemeu to iemembei something Be
smileu anu saiu that the jouiney hau to be postponeu until I hau leaineu
something without which oui hunting woulu be impossible
We went back anu sat uown again unueineath his ramada Theie
weie so many things I wanteu to ask but he uiu not give me time to say
anything befoie he spoke again
This biings us to the last point you must know about a waiiioi he
saiu A waiiioi selects the items that make his woilu
The othei uay when you saw the ally anu I hau to wash you twice uo
you know what was wiong with you
No
You hau lost youi shielus
What shielus What aie you talking about
I saiu that a waiiioi selects the items that make his woilu Be selects
uelibeiately foi eveiy item he chooses is a shielu that piotects him fiom
the onslaughts of the foices he is stiiving to use A waiiioi woulu use his
shielus to piotect himself fiom his ally foi instance
An aveiage man who is equally suiiounueu by those inexplicable
foices is oblivious to them because he has othei kinus of special shielus
to piotect himself
Be pauseu anu lookeu at me with a question in his eyes I hau not
unueistoou what he meant
What aie those shielus I insisteu
What people uo he iepeateu
What uo they uo
Well look aiounu People aie busy uoing that which people uo
Those aie theii shielus Whenevei a soiceiei has an encountei with any
of those inexplicable anu unbenuing foices we have talkeu about his gap
opens making him moie susceptible to his ueath than he oiuinaiily is
Ive tolu you that we uie thiough that gap theiefoie if it is open one
shoulu have his will ieauy to fill it that is if one is a waiiioi
If one is not a waiiioi like youiself then one has no othei iecouise
but to use the activities of uaily life to take ones minu away fiom the
fiight of the encountei anu thus to allow ones gap to close You got angiy
with me that uay when you met the ally I maue you angiy when I
stoppeu youi cai anu I maue you colu when I uumpeu you into the watei
Baving youi clothes on maue you even coluei Being angiy anu colu
helpeu you close youi gap anu you weie piotecteu At this time in youi
life howevei you can no longei use those shielus as effectively as an
aveiage man You know too much about those foices anu now you aie
finally at the biink of feeling anu acting as a waiiioi Youi olu shielus aie
no longei safe
What am I supposeu to uo
Act like a waiiioi anu select the items of youi woilu You cannot
suiiounu youiself with things helterskeltei any longei I tell you this in
a most seiious vein Now foi the fiist time you aie not safe in youi olu
way of life
What uo you mean by selecting the items of my woilu
A waiiioi encounteis those inexplicable anu unbenuing foices
because he is uelibeiately seeking them thus he is always piepaieu foi
the encountei You on the othei hanu aie nevei piepaieu foi it In fact if
those foices come to you they will take you by suipiise the fiight will
open youi gap anu youi life will iiiesistibly escape thiough it
The fiist thing you must uo then is be piepaieu Think that the ally is
going to pop in fiont of youi eyes any minute anu you must be ieauy foi
him To meet an ally is no paity oi Sunuay picnic anu a waiiioi takes the
iesponsibility of piotecting his life Then if any of those foices tap you
anu open youi gap you must uelibeiately stiive to close it by youiself
Foi that puipose you must have a selecteu numbei of things that give you
gieat peace anu pleasuie things which you can uelibeiately use to take
youi thoughts fiom youi fiight anu close youi gap anu make you soliu
What kinu of things
Yeais ago I tolu you that in his uaytouay life a waiiioi chooses to
follow the path with heait It is the consistent choice of the path with
heait which makes a waiiioi uiffeient fiom the aveiage man Be knows
that a path has heait when he is one with it when he expeiiences a gieat
peace anu pleasuie tiaveising its length The things a waiiioi selects to
make his shielus aie the items of a path with heait
But you saiu Im not a waiiioi so how can I choose a path with
heait
This is youi tuining point Lets say that befoie you uiu not ieally
neeu to live like a waiiioi Now it is uiffeient now you must suiiounu
youiself with the items of a path with heait anu you must iefuse the iest
oi you will peiish in the next encountei I may auu that you uont neeu to
ask foi the encountei any longei An ally can now come to you in youi
sleep while you aie talking to youi fiienus while you aie wiiting
Foi yeais I have tiuly tiieu to live in accoiuance with youi
teachings I saiu 0bviously I have not uone well Bow can I uo bettei
now
You think anu talk too much You must stop talking to youiself
What uo you mean
You talk to youiself too much Youre not unique at that Eveiy one
of us uoes that We caiiy on an inteinal talk Think about it Whenevei
you aie alone what uo you uo
I talk to myself
What uo you talk to youiself about
I uont know anything I suppose
Ill tell you what we talk to ouiselves about We talk about oui
woilu In fact we maintain oui woilu with oui inteinal talk
Bow uo we uo that
Whenevei we finish talking to ouiselves the woilu is always as it
shoulu be We ienew it we kinule it with life we upholu it with oui
inteinal talk Not only that but we also choose oui paths as we talk to
ouiselves Thus we iepeat the same choices ovei anu ovei until the uay
we uie because we keep on iepeating the same inteinal talk ovei anu
ovei until the uay we uie
A waiiioi is awaie of this anu stiives to stop his talking This is the
last point you have to know if you want to live like a waiiioi
Bow can I stop talking to myself
Fiist of all you must use youi eais to take some of the buiuen fiom
youi eyes We have been using oui eyes to juuge the woilu since the time
we weie boin We talk to otheis anu to ouiselves mainly about what we
see A waiiioi is awaie of that anu listens to the woilu he listens to the
sounus of the woilu
I put my notes away Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu that he uiu not mean
I shoulu foice the issue that listening to the sounus of the woilu hau to
be uone haimoniously anu with gieat patience
A waiiioi is awaie that the woilu will change as soon as he stops
talking to himself he saiu anu he must be piepaieu foi that
monumental jolt
What uo you mean uon Juan
The woilu is suchanusuch oi soanuso only because we tell
ouiselves that that is the way it is If we stop telling ouiselves that the
woilu is soanuso the woilu will stop being soanuso At this moment I
uont think youre ieauy foi such a momentous blow theiefoie you must
stait slowly to unuo the woilu
I ieally uo not unueistanu you
Youi pioblem is that you confuse the woilu with what people uo
Again youre not unique at that Eveiy one of us uoes that The things
people uo aie the shielus against the foices that suiiounu us what we uo
as people gives us comfoit anu makes us feel safe what people uo is
iightfully veiy impoitant but only as a shielu We nevei leain that the
things we uo as people aie only shielus anu we let them uominate anu
topple oui lives In fact I coulu say that foi mankinu what people uo is
gieatei anu moie impoitant than the woilu itself
What uo you call the woilu
The woilu is all that is encaseu heie he saiu anu stompeu the
giounu Life ueath people the allies anu eveiything else that suiiounus
us The woilu is incompiehensible We wont evei unueistanu it we
wont evei uniavel its seciets Thus we must tieat it as it is a sheei
mysteiy
An aveiage man doesnt uo this though The woilu is nevei a
mysteiy foi him anu when he aiiives at olu age he is convinceu he has
nothing moie to live foi An olu man has not exhausteu the woilu Be has
exhausteu only what people uo But in his stupiu confusion he believes
that the woilu has no moie mysteiies foi him What a wietcheu piice to
pay foi oui shielus
A waiiioi is awaie of this confusion anu leains to tieat things
piopeily The things that people uo cannot unuei any conuitions be moie
impoitant than the woilu Anu thus a waiiioi tieats the woilu as an
enuless mysteiy anu what people uo as an enuless folly
veision
Chaptei
I began the exeicise of listening to the sounus of the woilu anu kept
at it foi two months as uon Juan hau specifieu It was exciuciating at fiist
to listen anu not look but even moie exciuciating was not to talk to
myself By the enu of the two months I was capable of shutting off my
inteinal uialogue foi shoit peiious of time anu I was also capable of
paying attention to sounus
I aiiiveu at uon Juans house at AM on Novembei
We shoulu stait that tiip iight now he saiu upon my aiiival at his
house
I iesteu foi an houi anu then we uiove towaiu the low slopes of the
mountains to the east We left my cai in the caie of one of his fiienus who
liveu in that aiea while we hikeu into the mountains Bon Juan hau put
some ciackeis anu sweet iolls in a knapsack foi me Theie weie enough
piovisions foi a uay oi two I hau askeu uon Juan if we neeueu moie Be
shook his heau negatively
We walkeu the entiie moining It was a iathei waim uay I caiiieu
one canteen of watei most of which I uiank myself Bon Juan uiank only
twice When theie was no moie watei he assuieu me it was all iight to
uiink fiom the stieams we founu on oui way Be laugheu at my
ieluctance Aftei a shoit while my thiist maue me oveicome my feais
In the eaily afteinoon we stoppeu in a small valley at the bottom of
some lush gieen hills Behinu the hills towaiu the east the high
mountains weie silhouetteu against a clouuy sky
You can think you can wiite about what we say oi about what you
peiceive but nothing about wheie we aie he saiu
We iesteu foi a while anu then he took a bunule fiom insiue his shiit
Be untieu it anu showeu me his pipe Be filleu its bowl with smoking
mixtuie lighteu a match anu kinuleu a small uiy twig placeu the buining
twig insiue the bowl anu tolu me to smoke Without a piece of chaicoal
insiue the bowl it was uifficult to light the pipe we hau to keep kinuling
twigs until the mixtuie caught on fiie
When I hau finisheu smoking he saiu that we weie theie so I coulu
finu out the kinu of game I was supposeu to hunt Be caiefully iepeateu
thiee oi foui times that the most impoitant aspect of my enueavoi was to
finu some holes Be emphasizeu the woiu holes anu saiu that insiue
them a soiceiei coulu finu all soits of messages anu uiiections
I wanteu to ask what kinu of holes they weie uon Juan seemeu to
have guesseu my question anu saiu that they weie impossible to uesciibe
anu weie in the iealm of seeing Be iepeateu at vaiious times that I
shoulu focus all my attention on listening to sounus anu uo my best to
finu the holes between the sounus Be saiu that he was going to play his
spiiit catchei foui times I was supposeu to use those eeiie calls as a
guiue to the ally that hau welcomeu me that ally woulu then give me the
message I was seeking Bon Juan tolu me I shoulu stay in complete
aleitness since he hau no iuea how the ally woulu manifest himself to
me
I listeneu attentively I was sitting with my back against the iock siue
of the hill I expeiienceu a milu numbness Bon Juan waineu me against
closing my eyes I began to listen anu I coulu uistinguish the whistling of
biius the winu iustling the leaves the buzzing of insects As I placeu my
inuiviuual attention on those sounus I coulu actually make out foui
uiffeient types of biiu whistlings I coulu uistinguish the speeus of the
winu in teims of slow oi fast I coulu also heai the uiffeient rustlings of
thiee types of leaves The buzzings of insects weie uazzling Theie weie
so many that I coulu not count them oi coiiectly uiffeientiate them
I was immeiseu in a stiange woilu of sounu as I hau nevei been in
my life I began to sliue to my iight Bon Juan maue a motion to stop me
but I caught myself befoie he uiu I stiaighteneu up anu sat eiect again
Bon Juan moveu my bouy until he hau pioppeu me on a cievice in the
iock wall Be swept the small iocks fiom unuei my legs anu placeu the
back of my heau against the iock
Be tolu me impeiatively to look at the mountains to the southeast I
fixeu my gaze in the uistance but he coiiecteu me anu saiu I shoulu not
gaze but look soit of scanning at the hills in fiont of me anu at the
vegetation on them Be iepeateu ovei anu ovei that I shoulu concentiate
all my attention on my heaiing
Sounus began to be piominent again It was not so much that I
wanteu to heai them iathei they hau a way of foicing me to concentiate
on them The winu iustleu the leaves The winu came high above the
tiees anu then it uioppeu into the valley wheie we weie 0pon uiopping
it toucheu the leaves of the tall tiees fiist they maue a peculiai sounu
which I fancieu to be a soit of iich iaspy lush sounu Then the winu hit
the bushes anu theii leaves sounueu like a ciowu of small things it was
an almost melouious sounu veiy engulfing anu quite uemanuing it
seemeu capable of uiowning eveiything else I founu it uispleasing
I felt embaiiasseu because it occuiieu to me that I was like the iustle
of the bushes nagging anu uemanuing The sounu was so akin to me that
I hateu it Then I heaiu the winu iolling on the giounu It was not a
iustling sounu but moie of a whistle almost a beep oi a flat buzz
Listening to the sounus the winu was making I iealizeu that all thiee of
them happeneu at once
I was wonueiing how I hau been capable of isolating each of them
when I again became awaie of the whistling of biius anu the buzzing of
insects At one moment theie weie only the sounus of the winu anu the
next moment a gigantic flow of othei sounus emeigeu at once into my
fielu of awaieness Logically all the existing sounus must have been
continually emitteu uuiing the time I was heaiing only the winu
I coulu not count all the whistles of biius oi buzzings of insects yet I
was convinceu I was listening to each sepaiate sounu as it was piouuceu
Togethei they cieateu a most extiaoiuinaiy oiuei I cannot call it any
othei thing but oiuei It was an oiuei of sounus that hau a pattein that
is eveiy sounu happeneu in sequence
Then I heaiu a unique piolongeu wail It maue me shivei Eveiy othei
noise ceaseu foi an instant anu the valley was ueau still as the
ieveibeiation of the wail ieacheu the valleys outei limits then the
noises began again I pickeu up theii pattein immeuiately
Aftei a moment of attentive listening I thought I unueistoou uon
Juans iecommenuation to watch foi the holes between the sounus The
pattein of noises hau spaces in between sounus Foi example specific
whistles of biius weie timeu anu hau pauses in between them anu so
hau all the othei sounus I was peiceiving The iustling of leaves was like
a binuing glue that maue them into a homogeneous buzz The fact of the
mattei was that the timing of each sounu was a unit in the oveiall pattein
of sounus Thus the spaces oi pauses in between sounus weie if I paiu
attention to them holes in a stiuctuie
I heaiu again the pieicing wail of uon Juans spiiit catchei It uiu not
jolt me but the sounus again ceaseu foi an instant anu I peiceiveu such a
cessation as a hole a veiy laige hole At that piecise moment I shifteu my
attention fiom heaiing to looking I was looking at a clustei of low hills
with lush gieen vegetation The silhouette of the hills was aiiangeu in
such a way that fiom the place wheie I was looking theie seemeu to be a
hole on the siue of one of the hills It was a space in between two hills anu
thiough it I coulu see the ueep uaik giay hue of the mountains in the
uistance
Foi a moment I uiu not know what it was It was as if the hole I was
looking at was the hole in the sounu Then the noises began again but
the visual image of the huge hole iemaineu A shoit while latei I became
even moie keenly awaie of the pattein of sounus anu theii oiuei anu the
aiiangement of theii pauses Ny minu was capable of uistinguishing anu
uisciiminating among an enoimous numbei of inuiviuual sounus I coulu
actually keep tiack of all the sounus thus each pause between sounus
was a uefinite hole At a given moment the pauses became ciystallizeu in
my minu anu foimeu a soit of soliu giiu a stiuctuie I was not seeing oi
heaiing it I was feeling it with some unknown pait of myself
Bon Juan playeu his stiing once again the sounus ceaseu as they hau
uone befoie cieating a huge hole in the sounu stiuctuie This time
howevei that big pause blenueu with the hole in the hills I was looking
at they became supeiimposeu on each othei The effect of peiceiving two
holes lasteu foi such a long time that I was capable of seeingheaiing
theii contouis as they fit one anothei
Then the othei sounus began again anu theii stiuctuie of pauses
became an extiaoiuinaiy almost visual peiception I began seeing the
sounus as they cieateu patteins anu then all those patteins became
supeiimposeu on the enviionment in the same way I hau peiceiveu the
two big holes becoming supeiimposeu I was not looking oi heaiing as I
was accustomeu to uoing I was uoing something which was entiiely
uiffeient but combineu featuies of both Foi some ieason my attention
was focuseu on the laige hole in the hills I felt I was heaiing it anu at the
same time looking at it Theie was something of a luie about it It
uominateu my fielu of peiception anu eveiy single sounu pattein which
coinciueu with a featuie of the enviionment was hingeu on that hole
I heaiu once moie the eeiie wail of uon Juans spiiit catchei all othei
sounus stoppeu the two laige holes seemeu to light up anu next I was
looking again at the ploweu fielu the ally was stanuing theie as I hau
seen him befoie The light of the total scene became veiy cleai I coulu
see him plainly as if he weie fifty yaius away I coulu not see his face his
hat coveieu it Then he began to come towaiu me lifting up his heau
slowly as he walkeu I coulu almost see his face anu that teiiifieu me
I knew I hau to stop him without uelay I hau a stiange suige in my
bouy I felt an outflow of powei I wanteu to move my heau to the siue
to stop the vision but I coulu not uo it At that ciucial instant a thought
came to my minu I knew what uon Juan meant when he spoke of the
items of a path with heait being the shielus Theie was something I
wanteu to uo in my life something veiy consuming anu intiiguing
something that tilleu me with gieat peace anu joy I knew the ally coulu
not oveicome me I moveu my heau away without any tiouble befoie I
coulu see his entiie face
I began heaiing all the othei sounus they suuuenly became veiy louu
anu shiill as if they weie actually angiy with me They lost theii patteins
anu tuineu into an amoiphous conglomeiate of shaip painful shiieks Ny
eais began to buzz unuei theii piessuie I felt that my heau was about to
exploue I stoou up anu put the palms of my hanus to my eais
Bon Juan helpeu me walk to a veiy small stieam maue me take off
my clothes anu iolleu me in the watei Be maue me lie on the almost uiy
beu of the stieam anu then gatheieu watei in his hat anu splasheu me
with it
The piessuie in my eais subsiueu veiy iapiuly anu it took only a few
minutes to wash me Bon Juan lookeu at me shook his heau in
appioval anu saiu I hau maue myself soliu in no time at all
I put on my clothes anu he took me back to the place wheie I hau
been sitting I felt extiemely vigoious buoyant anu cleaiheaueu
Be wanteu to know all the uetails of my vision Be saiu that the
holes in the sounus weie useu by soiceieis to finu out specific things A
soiceieis ally woulu ieveal complicateu affaiis thiough the holes in the
sounus Be iefuseu to be moie specific about the holes anu slougheu off
my questions saying that since I uiu not have an ally such infoimation
woulu only be haimful to me
Eveiything is meaningful foi a soiceiei he saiu The sounus have
holes in them anu so uoes eveiything aiounu you 0iuinaiily a man uoes
not have the speeu to catch the holes anu thus he goes thiough life
without piotection The woims the biius the tiees all of them can tell us
unimaginable things if only one coulu have the speeu to giasp theii
message
The smoke can give us that giasping speeu But we must be on goou
teims with all the living things of this woilu This is the ieason why we
must talk to plants we aie about to kill anu apologize foi huiting them
the same thing must be uone with the animals we aie going to hunt We
shoulu take only enough foi oui neeus otheiwise the plants anu the
animals anu the woims we have killeu woulu tuin against us anu cause
us uisease anu misfoitune A waiiioi is awaie of this anu stiives to
appease them so when he peeis thiough the holes the tiees anu biius
anu the woims give him tiuthful messages
But all this is not impoitant now What is impoitant is that you saw
the ally That is youi game Ive tolu you that we weie going to hunt foi
something I thought it was going to be an animal I figuieu that you weie
going to see the animal we hau to hunt I myself saw a wilu boai my
spiiit catchei is a wilu boai
Bo you mean youi spiiit catchei is maue out of a wilu boai
No Nothing in the life of a soiceiei is maue out of anything else If
something is anything at all it is the thing itself If you knew wilu boais
you woulu iealize my spiiit catchei is one
Why uiu we come heie to hunt
The ally showeu you a spiiit catchei that he got fiom his pouch You
neeu to have one if you aie going to call him
What is a spiiit catchei
It is a fibei With it I can call the allies oi my own ally oi I can call
the spiiits of watei holes the spiiits of iiveis the spiiits of mountains
Nine is a wilu boai anu ciies like a wilu boai I useu it twice aiounu you
to call the spiiit of the watei hole to help you The spiiit came to you as
the ally came to you touay You coulu not see it though because you uiu
not have the speeu howevei that uay I took you to the watei canyon anu
put you on a iock you knew the spiiit was almost on top of you without
actually seeing it Those spiiits aie helpeis They aie haiu to hanule anu
soit of uangeious 0ne neeus an impeccable will to holu them at bay
What uo they look like
They aie uiffeient foi eveiy man anu so aie the allies Foi you an ally
woulu appaiently look like a man you once knew oi like a man you will
always be about to know thats the bent of youi natuie You aie given to
mysteiies anu seciets Im not like you so an ally foi me is something
veiy piecise
The spiiits of watei holes aie piopei to specific places The one I
calleu to help you is one I have known myself It has helpeu me many
times Its aboue is that canyon At the time I calleu it to help you you
weie not stiong anu the spiiit took you haiu That was not its intention
they have nonebut you weie lying theie veiy weak weakei than I
suspecteu Latei on the spiiit neaily luieu you to youi ueath in the watei
at the iiiigation canal you weie phosphoiescent The spiiit took you by
suipiise anu you neaily succumbeu 0nce a spiiit uoes that it always
comes back foi its piey Im suie it will come back foi you
0nfoitunately you neeu the watei to become soliu again when you
use the little smoke that puts you at a teiiible uisauvantage If you uont
use the watei you will piobably uie but if you uo use it the spiiit will
take you
Can I use watei at anothei place
It doesnt make any uiffeience The spiiit of the watei hole aiounu
my house can follow you anywheie unless you have a spiiit catchei That
is why the ally showeu it to you Be tolu you that you neeu one Be
wiappeu it aiounu his left hanu anu came to you aftei pointing out the
watei canyon Touay he again wanteu to show you the spiiit catchei as
he uiu the fiist time you met him It was wise of you to stop the ally was
going too fast foi youi stiength anu a uiiect jolt with him woulu be veiy
injuiious to you
Bow can I get a spiiit catchei now
Appaiently the ally is going to give you one himself
Bow
I uont know You will have to go to him Be has alieauy tolu you
wheie to look foi it
Wheie
0p theie on those hills wheie you saw the hole
Woulu I be looking foi the ally himself
No But he is alieauy welcoming you The little smoke has openeu
youi way to him Then latei on you will meet him face to face but that
will happen only aftei you know him veiy well
veision
Chaptei
We aiiiveu in the same valley in the late afteinoon of Becembei
Bon Juan mentioneu iepeateuly as we moveu thiough the shiubs
that uiiections oi points of oiientation weie of ciucial impoitance in the
enueavoi I was going to unueitake
You must ueteimine the iight uiiection immeuiately upon aiiiving at
the top of a hill uon Juan saiu As soon as you aie on the top face that
uiiection Be pointeu to the southeast
That is youi goou uiiection anu you shoulu always face it especially
when youre in tiouble Remembei that
We stoppeu at the bottom of the hills wheie I hau peiceiveu the hole
Be pointeu at a specific place wheie I hau to sit uown he sat next to me
anu in a veiy quiet voice gave me uetaileu instiuctions Be saiu that as
soon as I ieacheu the hilltop I hau to extenu my iight aim in fiont of me
with the palm of my hanu uown anu my fingeis stietcheu like a fan
except the thumb which hau to be tuckeu against the palm Next I hau to
tuin my heau to the noith anu folu my aim ovei my chest pointing my
hanu also towaiu the noith then I hau to uance putting my left foot
behinu the iight one beating the giounu with the tip of my left toes Be
saiu that when I felt a waimth coming up my left leg I hau to begin
sweeping my aim slowly fiom noith to south anu then to the noith again
The spot ovei which the palm of youi hanu feels waim as you sweep
youi aim is the place wheie you must sit anu it is also the uiiection in
which you must look he saiu
If the spot is towaiu the east oi if it is in that uiiectionhe pointeu
to the southeast againthe iesults will be excellent If the spot wheie
youi hanu gets waim is towaiu the noith you will take a bau beating but
you may tuin the tiue in youi favoi If the spot is towaiu the south you
will have a haiu fight
You will neeu to sweep youi aim up to foui times at fiist but as you
become moie familiai with the movement you will neeu only one single
sweep to know whethei oi not youi hanu is going to get waim
0nce you establish a spot wheie youi hanu gets waim sit theie that
is youi fiist point If you aie facing the south oi the noith you have to
make up youi minu whethei you feel stiong enough to stay If you have
uoubts about youiself get up anu leave Theie is no neeu to stay if you
aie not confiuent If you ueciue to stick aiounu clean an aiea big enough
to builu a fiie about five feet away fiom youi fiist point The fiie must be
in a stiaight line in the uiiection you aie looking The aiea wheie you
builu the fiie is youi seconu point Then gathei all the twigs you can in
between those two points anu make a fiie Sit on youi fiist point anu look
at the fiie Soonei oi latei the spiiit will come anu you will see it
If youi hanu uoes not get waim at all aftei foui sweeping
movements sweep youi aim slowly fiom noith to south anu then tuin
aiounu anu sweep it to the west If youi hanu gets waim on any place
towaiu the west uiop eveiything anu ium Run uownhill towaiu the flat
aiea anu no mattei what you heai oi feel behinu you uont tuin aiounu
As soon as you get to the flat aiea no mattei how fiighteneu you aie
uont keep on iunning uiop to the giounu take off youi jacket bunch it
aiounu youi navel anu cuil up like a ball tucking youi knees against
youi stomach You must also covei youi eyes with youi hanus anu youi
aims have to iemain tight against youi thighs You must stay in that
position until moining If you follow these simple steps no haim will evei
come to you
In case you cannot get to the flat aiea in time uiop to the giounu
iight wheie you aie You will have a hoiiiu time theie You will be
haiasseu but if you keep calm anu uont move oi look you will come out
of it without a single sciatch
Now if youi hanu uoes not get waim at all while you sweep it to the
west face the east again anu iun in an easteily uiiection until you aie out
of bieath Stop theie anu iepeat the same maneuveis You must keep on
iunning towaiu the east iepeating these movements until youi hanu
gets waim
Aftei giving me these instiuctions he maue me iepeat them until I
hau memoiizeu them Then we sat in silence foi a long time I attempteu
to ievive the conveisation a couple of times but he foiceu me into silence
each time by an impeiative gestuie
It was getting uaik when uon Juan got up anu without a woiu began
climbing the hill I followeu him At the top of the hill I peifoimeu all the
movements he hau piesciibeu Bon Juan stoou by a shoit uistance away
anu kept a shaip look on me I was veiy caieful anu uelibeiately slow I
tiieu to feel any peiceivable change of tempeiatuie but I coulu not uetect
whethei oi not the palm of my hanu became waim By that time it was
faiily uaik yet I was still capable of iunning in an easteily uiiection
without stumbling on the shiubs I stoppeu iunning when I was out of
bieath which was not too fai fiom my point of uepaituie I was
extiemely tiieu anu tense Ny foieaims acheu anu so uiu my calves
I iepeateu theie all the iequiieu motions anu again hau the same
negative iesults I ian in the uaik two moie times anu then while I was
sweeping my aim foi the thiiu time my hanu became waim ovei a point
towaiu the east It was such a uefinite change of tempeiatuie that it
staitleu me I sat uown anu waiteu foi uon Juan I tolu him I hau uetecteu
a change in tempeiatuie in my hanu Be tolu me to pioceeu anu I pickeu
all the uiy biush I coulu finu anu staiteu a fiie Be sat to my left a couple
of feet away
The fiie uiew stiange uancing silhouettes At times the flames
became iiiuescent they giew bluish anu then biilliantly white I
explaineu that unusual play of colois by assuming that it was piouuceu
by some chemical piopeity of the specific uiy twigs anu bianches I hau
collecteu Anothei veiy unusual featuie of the fiie was the spaiks The
new twigs I kept auuing cieateu extiemely big spaiks I thought they
weie like tennis balls that seemeu to exploue in miuaii
I staieu at the fiie fixeuly the way I believeu uon Juan hau
iecommenueu anu I became uizzy Be hanueu me his watei gouiu anu
signaleu me to uiink The watei ielaxeu me anu gave me a uelightful
feeling of fieshness
Bon Juan leaneu ovei anu whispeieu in my eai that I uiu not have to
staie at the flames that I shoulu only watch in the uiiection of the fiie I
became veiy colu anu clammy aftei watching foi almost an houi At a
moment when I was about to lean ovei anu pick up a twig something like
a moth oi a spot in my ietina swept acioss fiom iight to left between
myself anu the fiie
I immeuiately iecoileu I lookeu at uon Juan anu he signaleu me with
a movement of his chin to look back at the flames A moment latei the
same shauow swept acioss in the opposite uiiection Bon Juan got up
huiiieuly anu began piling loose uiit on top of the buining twigs until he
hau completely extinguisheu the flames Be executeu the maneuvei of
putting out the fiie with tiemenuous speeu By the time I moveu to help
him he hau finisheu Be stompeu on the uiit on top of the smolueiing
twigs anu then he neaily uiaggeu me uownhill anu out of the valley Be
walkeu veiy fast without tuining his heau back anu uiu not allow me to
talk at all
When we got to my cai houis latei I askeu him what was the thing I
hau seen Be shook his heau impeiatively anu we uiove in complete
silence
Be went uiiectly insiue when we aiiiveu at his house in the eaily
moining anu he again husheu me up when I tiieu to talk Bon Juan was
sitting outsiue behinu his house Be seemeu to have been waiting foi me
to wake up because he staiteu talking as I came out of the house Be saiu
that the shauow I hau seen the night befoie was a spiiit a foice that
belongeu to the paiticulai place wheie I hau seen it Be spoke of that
specific being as a useless one
It only exists theie he saiu It has no seciets of powei so theie was
no point in iemaining theie You woulu have seen only a fast passing
shauow going back anu foith all night Theie aie othei types of beings
howevei that can give you seciets of powei if you aie foitunate enough
to finu them
We ate some bieakfast then anu uiu not talk foi quite a while Aftei
eating we sat in fiont of his house
Theie aie thiee kinus of beings he saiu suuuenly those that
cannot give anything because they have nothing to give those that can
only cause fiight anu those that have gifts The one you saw last night
was a silent one it has nothing to give it is only a shauow
Nost of the time howevei anothei type of being is associateu with
the silent one a nasty spiiit whose only quality is to cause feai anu which
always hoveis aiounu the aboue of a silent one That is why I ueciueu to
get out of theie fast That nasty type follows people iight into theii homes
anu makes life impossible foi them I know people who have hau to move
out of theii houses because of them Theie aie always some people who
believe they can get a lot out of that kinu of being but the meie fact that a
spiiit is aiounu the house uoes not mean anything
People may tiy to entice it oi they may follow it aiounu the house
unuei the impiession that it can ieveal seciets to them But the only
thing people woulu get is a fiightful expeiience I know people who took
tuins watching one of those nasty beings that hau followeu them into
theii house They watcheu the spiiit foi months finally someone else hau
to step in anu uiag the people out of the house they hau become weak
anu weie wasting away So the only wise thing one can uo with that nasty
type is to foiget about it anu leave it alone
I askeu him how people enticeu a spiiit Be saiu that people took
pains to figuie out fiist wheie the spiiit woulu most likely appeai anu
then they put weapons in its way in hopes that it might touch the
weapons because spiiits weie known to like paiapheinalia of wai Bon
Juan saiu that any kinu of geai oi any object that was toucheu by a spiiit
iightfully became a powei object Bowevei the nasty type of being was
known nevei to touch anything but only to piouuce the auuitoiy illusion
of noise
I then askeu uon Juan about the mannei in which those spiiits causeu
feai Be saiu that theii most common way of fiightening people was to
appeai as a uaik shauow shapeu as a man that woulu ioam aiounu the
house cieating a fiightening clattei oi cieating the sounu of voices oi as
a uaik shauow that woulu suuuenly luich out fiom a uaik coinei
Bon Juan saiu that the thiiu type of spiiit was a tiue ally a givei of
seciets that special type existeu in lonely abanuoneu places places
which weie almost inaccessible Be saiu that a man who wisheu to finu
one of these beings hau to tiavel fai anu go by himself At a uistant anu
lonely place the man hau to take all the necessaiy steps alone Be hau to
sit by his fiie anu if he saw the shauow he hau to leave immeuiately Be
hau to iemain howevei if he encounteieu othei conuitions such as a
stiong winu that woulu kill his fiie anu woulu keep him fiom kinuling it
again uuiing foui attempts oi if a bianch bioke fiom a neaiby tiee The
bianch ieally hau to bieak anu the man hau to make suie that it was not
meiely the sounu of a bianch bieaking off
0thei conuitions he hau to be awaie of weie iocks that iolleu oi
pebbles which weie thiown at his fiie oi any constant noise anu he then
hau to walk in the uiiection in which any of these phenomena occuiieu
until the spiiit ievealeu itself
Theie weie many ways in which such a being put a waiiioi to the
test It might suuuenly leap in fiont of him in the most hoiienuous
appeaiance oi it might giab the man fiom the back anu not tuin him
loose anu keep him pinneu uown foi houis It might also topple a tiee on
him Bon Juan saiu that those weie tiuly uangeious foices anu although
they coulu not kill a man hanu to hanu they coulu cause his ueath by
fiight oi by actually letting objects fall on him oi by appeaiing suuuenly
anu causing him to stumble lose his footing anu go ovei a piecipice
Be tolu me that if I evei founu one of those beings unuei
inappiopiiate ciicumstances I shoulu nevei attempt to stiuggle with it
because it woulu kill me It woulu iob my soul So I shoulu thiow myself
to the giounu anu beai it until the moining
When a man is facing the ally the givei of seciets he has to mustei
up all his couiage anu giab it befoie it giabs him oi chase it befoie it
chases him The chase must be ielentless anu then comes the stiuggle
The man must wiestle the spiiit to the giounu anu keep it theie until it
gives him powei
I askeu him if these foices hau substance if one coulu ieally touch
them I saiu that the veiy iuea of a spiiit connoteu something etheieal
to me
Bont call them spiiits he saiu Call them allies call them
inexplicable foices
Be was silent foi a while then he lay on his back anu pioppeu his
heau on his folueu aims I insisteu on knowing if those beings hau
substance
Youre uamn iight they have substance he saiu aftei anothei
moment of silence When one stiuggles with them they aie soliu but
that feeling lasts only a moment Those beings iely on a mans feai
theiefoie if the man stiuggling with one of them is a waiiioi the being
loses its tension veiy quickly while the man becomes moie vigoious 0ne
can actually absoib the spiiits tension
What kinu of tension is that I askeu
Powei When one touches them they vibiate as if they weie ieauy to
iip one apait But that is only a show The tension enus when the man
maintains his giip
What happens when they lose theii tension Bo they become like
aii
No they just become flacciu They still have substance though But it
is not like anything one has evei toucheu
Latei on uuiing the evening I saiu to him that peihaps what I hau
seen the night befoie coulu have been only a moth Be laugheu anu veiy
patiently explaineu that moths fly back anu foith only aiounu light bulbs
because a light bulb cannot buin theii wings A fiie on the othei hanu
woulu buin them the fiist time they came close to it Be also pointeu out
that the shauow coveieu the entiie fiie When he mentioneu that I
iemembeieu that it was ieally an extiemely laige shauow anu that it
actually blockeu the view of the fiie foi an instant Bowevei it hau
happeneu so fast that I hau not emphasizeu it in my eailiei iecollection
Then he pointeu out that the spaiks weie veiy laige anu flew to my
left I hau noticeu that myself I saiu that the winu was piobably blowing
in that uiiection Bon Juan ieplieu that theie was no winu whatsoevei
That was tiue 0pon iecalling my expeiience I coulu iemembei that the
night was still
Anothei thing I hau completely oveilookeu was a gieenish glow in
the flames which I uetecteu when uon Juan signaleu me to keep on
looking at the fiie aftei the shauow hau fiist ciosseu my fielu of vision
Bon Juan ieminueu me of it Be also objecteu to my calling it a shauow
Be saiu it was iounu anu moie like a bubble
Two uays latei on Becembei uon Juan saiu in a veiy casual
tone that I knew all the uetails anu necessaiy techniques in oiuei to go to
the hills by myself anu obtain a powei object the spiiit catchei Be uigeu
me to pioceeu alone anu affiimeu that his company woulu only hinuei
me
I was ieauy to leave when he seemeu to change his minu
Youre not stiong enough he saiu Ill go with you to the bottom of
the hills
When we weie at the small valley wheie I hau seen the ally he
examineu fiom a uistance the foimation in the teiiain that I hau calleu a
hole in the hills anu saiu that we hau to go still fuithei south into the
uistant mountains The aboue of the ally was at the fuitheimost point we
coulu see thiough the hole
I lookeu at the foimation anu all I coulu uistinguish was the bluish
mass of the uistant mountains Be guiueu me howevei in a southeasteily
uiiection anu aftei houis of walking we ieacheu a point he saiu was
ueep enough into the allys aboue
It was late afteinoon when we stoppeu We sat uown on some iocks I
was tiieu anu hungiy all I hau eaten uuiing the uay was some tortillas
anu watei Bon Juan stoou up all of a suuuen lookeu at the sky anu tolu
me in a commanuing tone to take off in the uiiection that was the best foi
me anu to be suie I coulu iemembei the spot wheie we weie at the
moment so I coulu ietuin theie whenevei I was thiough Be saiu in a
ieassuiing tone that he woulu be waiting foi me if it took me foievei I
askeu appiehensively if he believeu that the affaii of getting a spiiit
catchei was going to take a long time
Who knows he saiu smiling mysteiiously
I walkeu away towaiu the southeast tuining aiounu a couple of times
to look at uon Juan Be was walking veiy slowly in the opposite uiiection
I climbeu to the top of a laige hill anu lookeu at uon Juan once again he
was a goou two hunuieu yaius away Be uiu not tuin to look at me I ian
uownhill into a small bowllike uepiession between the hills anu I
suuuenly founu myself alone
I sat uown foi a moment anu began to wonuei what I was uoing
theie I felt luuicious looking foi a spiiit catchei I ian back up to the top
of the hill to have a bettei view of uon Juan but I coulu not see him
anywheie I ian uownhill in the uiiection I hau last seen him I wanteu to
call off the whole affaii anu go home I felt quite stupiu anu tiieu
Bon Juan I yelleu ovei anu ovei
Be was nowheie in sight I again ian to the top of anothei steep hill I
coulu not see him fiom theie eithei I ian quite a way looking foi him but
he hau uisappeaieu I ietiaceu my steps anu went back to the oiiginal
place wheie he hau left me I hau the absuiu ceitainty I was going to finu
him sitting theie laughing at my inconsistencies
What in the hell have I gotten into I saiu louuly
I knew then that theie was no way to stop whatevei I was uoing
theie I ieally uiu not know how to go back to my cai Bon Juan hau
changeu uiiections vaiious times anu the geneial oiientation of the foui
caiuinal points was not enough I was afiaiu of getting lost in the
mountains
I sat uown anu foi the fiist time in my life I hau the stiange feeling
that theie nevei ieally was a way to ieveit back to an oiiginal point of
uepaituie Bon Juan hau saiu that I always insisteu on staiting at a point
I calleu the beginning when in effect the beginning uiu not exist Anu
theie in the miuule of those mountains I felt I unueistoou what he meant
It was as if the point of uepaituie hau always been myself it was as if uon
Juan hau nevei ieally been theie anu when I lookeu foi him he became
what he ieally wasa fleeting image that vanisheu ovei a hill
I heaiu the soft iustle of leaves anu a stiange fiagiance envelopeu
me I felt the winu as a piessuie on my eais like a shy buzzing The sun
was about to ieach some compact clouus ovei the hoiizon that lookeu
like a soliuly tinteu oiange banu when it uisappeaieu behinu a heavy
blanket of lowei clouus it appeaieu again a moment latei like a ciimson
ball floating in the mist It seemeu to stiuggle foi a while to get into a
patch of blue sky but it was as if the clouus woulu not give the sun time
anu then the oiange banu anu the uaik silhouette of the mountains
seemeu to swallow it up
I lay uown on my back The woilu aiounu me was so still so seiene
anu at the same time so alien I felt oveiwhelmeu I uiu not want to weep
but teais iolleu uown easily
I iemaineu in that position foi houis I was almost unable to get up
The iocks unuei me weie haiu anu iight wheie I hau lain uown theie
was scaicely any vegetation in contiast to the lush gieen bushes all
aiounu Fiom wheie I was I coulu see a fiinge of tall tiees on the eastein
hills
Finally it got faiily uaik I felt bettei in fact I felt almost happy Foi
me the semiuaikness was much moie nuituiing anu piotective than the
haiu uaylight
I stoou up climbeu to the top of a small hill anu began iepeating the
motions uon Juan hau taught me I ian towaiu the east seven times anu
then I noticeu a change of tempeiatuie on my hanu I built a fiie anu set a
caieful watch as uon Juan hau iecommenueu obseiving eveiy uetail
Bouis went by anu I began to feel veiy tiieu anu colu I hau gatheieu
quite a pile of uiy twigs I feu the fiie anu moveu closei to it
The vigil was so stienuous anu so intense that it exhausteu me I
began to nou I fell asleep twice anu woke up only when my heau bobbeu
to one siue I was so sleepy that I coulu not watch the fiie any moie I
uiank some watei anu even spiinkleu some on my face to keep awake I
succeeueu in fighting my sleepiness only foi biief moments I hau
somehow become uesponuent anu iiiitable I felt utteily stupiu being
theie anu that gave me a sensation of iiiational fiustiation anu uejection
I was tiieu hungiy sleepy anu absuiuly annoyeu with myself
I finally gave up the stiuggle of keeping awake I auueu a lot of uiy
twigs to the fiie anu lay uown to sleep The puisuit of an ally anu a spiiit
catchei was at that moment a most luuicious anu foieign enueavoi I was
so sleepy that I coulu not even think oi talk to myself I fell asleep
I was awakeneu suuuenly by a louu ciack It appeaieu that the noise
whatevei it was hau come fiom just above my left eai since I was lying
on my iight siue I sat up fully awake Ny left eai buzzeu anu was
ueafeneu by the pioximity anu foice of the sounu
I must have been asleep foi only a shoit while juuging by the amount
of uiy twigs which weie still buining in the fiie I uiu not heai any othei
noises but I iemaineu aleit anu kept on feeuing the fiie
The thought ciosseu my minu that peihaps what woke me up was a
gunshot peihaps someone was aiounu watching me taking shots at me
The thought became veiy anguishing anu cieateu an avalanche of
iational feais I was suie that someone owneu that lanu anu if that was
so they might take me foi a thief anu kill me oi they might kill me to iob
me not knowing that I hau nothing with me
I expeiienceu a moment of teiiible concein foi my safety I felt the
tension in my shoulueis anu my neck I moveu my heau up anu uown the
bones of my neck maue a ciacking sounu I still kept looking into the fiie
but I uiu not see anything unusual in it noi uiu I heai any noises
Aftei a while I ielaxeu quite a bit anu it occuiieu to me that peihaps
uon Juan was at the bottom of all this I iapiuly became convinceu that it
was so The thought maue me laugh I hau anothei avalanche of iational
conclusions nappy conclusions this time I thought that uon Juan must
have suspecteu I was going to change my minu about staying in the
mountains oi he must have seen me iunning aftei him anu taken covei
in a concealeu cave oi behinu a bush Then he hau followeu me anu
noticing I hau fallen asleep wakeu me up by ciacking a bianch neai my
eai
I auueu moie twigs to the fiie anu began to look aiounu in a casual
anu coveit mannei to see if I coulu spot him even though I knew that if
he was hiuing aiounu theie I woulu not be able to uiscovei him
Eveiything was quite placiu the ciickets the winu ioughing the tiees
on the slopes of the hills suiiounuing me the soft ciacking sounu of the
twigs catching on fiie Spaiks flew aiounu but they weie only oiuinaiy
spaiks
Suuuenly I heaiu the louu noise of a bianch snapping in two The
sounu came fiom my left I helu my bieath as I listeneu with utmost
concentiation An instant latei I heaiu anothei bianch snapping on my
iight
Then I heaiu the faint faiaway sounu of snapping bianches It was as
if someone was stepping on them anu making them ciack The sounus
weie iich anu full they hau a lusty quality They also seemeu to be
getting closei to wheie I was I hau a veiy slow ieaction anu uiu not know
whethei to listen oi stanu up I was uelibeiating what to uo when all of a
suuuen the sounu of snapping bianches happeneu all aiounu me I was
engulfeu by them so fast that I baiely hau time to jump to my feet anu
stomp on the fiie
I began to iun uownhill in the uaikness The thought ciosseu my
minu as I moveu thiough the shiubs that theie was no flat lanu I kept on
tiotting anu tiying to piotect my eyes fiom the bushes I was halfway
uown to the bottom of the hill when I felt something behinu me almost
touching me It was not a bianch it was something which I intuitively felt
was oveitaking me
This iealization maue me fieeze I took off my jacket bunuleu it on
my stomach cioucheu ovei my legs anu coveieu my eyes with my hanus
as uon Juan hau piesciibeu I kept that position foi a shoit while anu
then I iealizeu that eveiything aiounu me was ueau still Theie weie no
sounus of any kinu I became extiaoiuinaiily alaimeu The muscles of my
stomach contiacteu anu shiveieu spasmouically
Then I heaiu anothei ciacking sounu It seemeu to have occuiieu fai
away but it was extiemely cleai anu uistinct It happeneu once moie
closei to me Theie was an inteival of quietness anu then something
exploueu just above my heau The suuuenness of the noise maue me
jump involuntaiily anu I neaily iolleu ovei on my siue It was uefinitely
the sounu of a bianch being snappeu in two The sounu hau happeneu so
close that I heaiu the iustling of the bianch leaves as it was being
ciackeu
Next theie was a uownpoui of ciacking explosions bianches weie
being snappeu with gieat foice all aiounu me The incongiuous thing at
that point was my ieaction to the whole phenomenon insteau of being
teiiifieu I was laughing
I sinceiely thought I hau hit upon the cause of all that was happening
I was convinceu that uon Juan was again tiicking me A seiies of logical
conclusions cementeu my confiuence I felt elateu I was suie I coulu
catch that foxy olu uon Juan in anothei of his tiicks Be was aiounu me
ciacking bianches anu knowing I woulu not uaie to look up he was safe
anu fiee to uo anything he wanteu to I figuieu that he hau to be alone in
the mountains since I hau been with him constantly foi uays Be hau not
hau fine time oi the oppoitunity to engage any collaboiatois If he was
hiuing as I thought he was hiuing by himself anu logically he coulu
piouuce only a limiteu numbei of noises Since he was alone the noises
hau to occui in a lineai tempoial sequence that is one at a time oi at
most two oi thiee at a time
Besiues the vaiiety of noises also hau to be limiteu to the mechanics
of a single inuiviuual I was absolutely ceitain as I iemaineu cioucheu
anu still that the whole expeiience was a game anu that the only way to
iemain on top of it was by emotionally uislouging myself fiom it I was
positively enjoying it I caught myself chuckling at the iuea that I coulu
anticipate my opponents next move I tiieu to imagine what I woulu uo
next if I weie uon Juan
The sounu of something sluiping jolteu me out of my mental exeicise
I listeneu attentively the sounu happeneu again I coulu not ueteimine
what it was It sounueu like an animal sluiping watei It happeneu again
veiy close by It was an iiiitating sounu that biought to minu the
smacking noise of a bigjaweu auolescent giil chewing gum
I was wonueiing how uon Juan coulu piouuce such a noise when the
sounu happeneu again coming fiom the iight Theie was a single sounu
fiist anu then I heaiu a seiies of slushing sluiping sounus as if someone
weie walking in muu It was an almost sensual exaspeiating sounu of
feet slushing in ueep muu
The noises stoppeu foi a moment anu staiteu once moie towaiu my
left veiy close peihaps only ten feet away Now they sounueu as if a
heavy peison weie tiotting with iain boots in muu I maiveleu at the
iichness of the sounu I coulu not imagine any piimitive uevices that I
myself coulu use to piouuce it I heaiu anothei seiies of tiotting slushing
sounus towaiu my ieai anu then they happeneu all at once on all siues
Someone seemeu to be walking iunning tiotting on muu all aiounu me
A logical uoubt occuiieu to me If uon Juan was uoing all that he hau
to be iunning in ciicles at an incieuible speeu The iapiuity of the sounus
maue that alteinative impossible
I then thought that uon Juan must have confeueiates aftei all I
wanteu to involve myself in speculation as to who his accomplices coulu
be but the intensity of the noises took all my concentiation I ieally coulu
not think cleaily yet I was not afiaiu I was peihaps only uumbfounueu
by the stiange quality of the sounus The slashings actually vibiateu In
fact theii peculiai vibiations seemeu to be uiiecteu at my stomach oi
peihaps I peiceiveu theii vibiations with the lowei pait of my abuomen
That iealization biought an instantaneous loss of my sense of
objectivity anu aloofness The sounus weie attacking my stomach The
question occuiieu to me What if it was not uon Juan I panickeu I
tenseu my abuominal muscles anu tuckeu my thighs haiu against the
bunule of my jacket
The noises incieaseu in numbei anu speeu as if they knew I hau lost
my confiuence theii vibiations weie so intense I wanteu to vomit I
fought the feeling of nausea I took ueep bieaths anu began to sing my
peyote songs I got sick anu the slushing noises ceaseu at once the
sounus of ciickets anu winu anu the uistant staccato baiking of coyotes
became supeiimposeu
The abiupt cessation alloweu me a iespite anu I took stock of myself
0nly a shoit while befoie I hau been in the best of spiiits confiuent anu
aloof obviously I hau faileu miseiably to juuge the situation Even if uon
Juan hau accomplices it woulu be mechanically impossible foi them to
piouuce sounus that woulu affect my stomach To piouuce sounus of
such intensity they woulu have neeueu gaugetiy beyonu theii means oi
theii conception Appaiently the phenomenon I was expeiiencing was
not a game anu the anothei one of uon Juans tiicks theoiy was only
my iuue explanation
I hau ciamps anu an oveiwhelming uesiie to ioll ovei anu stiaighten
my legs I ueciueu to move to my iight in oiuei to get my face off the
place wheie I hau gotten sick The instant I began to ciawl I heaiu a veiy
soft squeak iight above my left eai I fioze on the spot The squeak was
iepeateu on the othei siue of my heau It was a single sounu I thought it
iesembleu the squeak of a uooi
I waiteu but I heaiu nothing else so I ueciueu to move again No
soonei hau I staiteu to inch my heau to the iight when I was neaily
foiceu to jump up A floou of squeaks engulfeu me at once They weie like
squeaks of uoois at times at othei times they weie like the squeaks of
iats oi guinea pigs They weie not louu oi intense but veiy soft anu
insiuious anu piouuceu agonizing spasms of nausea in me They stoppeu
as they hau begun uiminishing giauually until I coulu heai only one oi
two of them at a time
Then I heaiu something like the wings of a big biiu sweeping ovei the
tops of the bushes It seemeu to be flying in ciicles ovei my heau The soft
squeaks began to inciease again anu so uiu the flapping wings Above my
heau theie seemeu to be something like a flock of gigantic biius beating
theii soft wings Both noises meigeu cieating an enveloping wave
aiounu me
I felt that I was floating suspenueu in an enoimous unuulating iipple
The squeaks anu the flapping weie so smooth I coulu feel them all ovei
my bouy The flapping wings of a flock of biius seemeu to be pulling me
up fiom above while the squeaks of an aimy of iats seemeu to be
pushing me fiom unueineath anu fiom aiounu my bouy
Theie was no uoubt in my minu that thiough my blunueiing stupiuity
I hau unleasheu something teiiible on myself I clencheu my teeth anu
took ueep bieaths anu sang peyote songs
The noises lasteu a veiy long time anu I opposeu them with all my
might When they subsiueu theie was again an inteiiupteu silence as I
am accustomeu to peiceiving silence that is I coulu uetect only the
natuial sounus of the insects anu the winu The time of silence was foi
me moie ueleteiious than the time of noises I began to think anu to
assess my position anu my uelibeiation thiew me into a panic
I knew that I was lost I uiu not have the knowleuge noi the stamina
to fenu off whatevei was accosting me I was utteily helpless cioucheu
ovei my own vomit I thought that the enu of my life hau come anu I
began to weep I wanteu to think about my life but I uiu not know wheie
to stait Nothing of what I hau uone in my life was ieally woithy of that
last ultimate emphasis so I hau nothing to think about That was an
exquisite iealization I hau changeu since the last time I expeiienceu a
similai fiight This time I was moie empty I hau less peisonal feelings to
caiiy along
I askeu myself what a waiiioi woulu uo in that situation anu I aiiiveu
at vaiious conclusions Theie was something about my umbilical iegion
that was uniquely impoitant theie was something uneaithly about the
sounus they weie aiming at my stomach anu the iuea that uon Juan was
tiicking me was utteily untenable
The muscles of my stomach weie veiy tight although I uiu not have
ciamps any longei I kept on singing anu bieathing ueeply anu I felt a
soothing waimth inunuating my entiie bouy It hau become cleai to me
that if I was going to suivive I hau to pioceeu in teims of uon Juans
teachings
I iepeateu his instiuctions in my minu I iemembeieu the exact point
wheie the sun hau uisappeaieu ovei the mountains in ielation to the hill
wheie I was anu to the place wheie I hau cioucheu I ieoiienteu myself
anu when I was convinceu that my assessment of the caiuinal points was
coiiect I began to change my position so I woulu have my heau pointing
in a new anu bettei uiiection the southeast
I slowly staiteu moving my feet towaiu my left inch by inch until I
hau them twisteu unuei my calves Then I began to align my bouy with
my feet but no soonei hau I begun to cieep lateially than I felt a peculiai
tap I hau the actual physical sensation of something touching the
uncoveieu aiea of the back of my neck
It happeneu so fast that I yelleu involuntaiily anu fioze again I
tighteneu my abuominal muscles anu began to bieath ueeply anu sing my
peyote songs A seconu latei I felt once moie the same light tap on my
neck I ciingeu Ny neck was uncoveieu anu theie was nothing I coulu uo
to piotect myself I was tappeu again It was a veiy soft almost silky
object that toucheu my neck like the fuiiy paw of a giant iabbit It
toucheu me again anu then it began to cioss my neck back anu foith until
I was in teais
It was as if a heiu of silent smooth weightless kangaioos weie
stepping on my neck I coulu heai the soft thump of the paws as they
steppeu gently ovei me It was not a painful sensation at all anu yet it was
mauuening I knew that if I uiu not involve myself in uoing something I
woulu go mau anu stanu up anu iun
So I slowly began again to maneuvei my bouy into a new position Ny
attempt at moving seemeu to inciease the tapping on my neck It finally
got to such a fienzy that I jeikeu my bouy anu at once aligneu it in the
new uiiection I hau no iuea whatsoevei about the outcome of my act I
was just taking action to keep fiom going staik iaving mau
As soon as I changeu uiiections the tapping on my neck ceaseu Aftei
a long anguisheu pause I heaiu a uistant snapping of bianches The
noises weie not close any moie It was as if they hau ietieateu to anothei
position fai away fiom me
The sounu of snapping bianches meigeu aftei a moment with a
blasting sounu of leaves being iustleu as if a stiong winu weie beating
the entiie hill All the bushes aiounu me seemeu to shivei yet theie was
no winu The iustling sounu anu the ciacking of bianches gave me the
feeling that the whole hill was on fiie
Ny bouy was as tight as a iock I was peispiiing copiously I began to
feel waimei anu waimei Foi a moment I was utteily convinceu that the
hill was buining I uiu not jump up anu iun because I was so numb I was
paialyzeu in fact I coulu not even open my eyes All that matteieu to me
at that point was to get up anu escape the fiie I hau teiiible ciamps in
my stomach which staiteu to cut my intake of aii
I became veiy involveu in tiying to bieathe Aftei a long stiuggle I
was capable of taking ueep bieaths again anu I was also capable of
noticing that the iustling hau subsiueu theie was only an occasional
ciacking sounu The snapping sounu of bianches became moie anu moie
uistant anu spoiauic until it ceaseu altogethei
I was able to open my eyes I lookeu thiough my halfcloseu lius to
the giounu unueineath me It was alieauy uaylight I waiteu a while
longei without moving anu then I staiteu to stietch my bouy I iolleu on
my back The sun was ovei the hills in the east
It took me houis to stiaighten out my legs anu uiag myself uownhill I
began to walk towaiu the place wheie uon Juan hau left me which was
peihaps only a mile away by midafternoon I was baiely at the euge of
some woous still a goou quaitei of a mile away
I coulu not walk any moie not foi any ieason I thought of mountain
lions anu tiieu to climb up a tiee but my aims coulu not suppoit my
weight I leaneu against a iock anu iesigneu myself to uie theie I was
convinceu that I woulu be foou foi mountain lions oi othei pieuatois I
uiu not have the stiength even to thiow a iock I was not hungiy oi
thiisty
Aiounu noon I hau founu a small stieam anu hau uiunk a lot of watei
but the watei uiu not help to iestoie my stiength As I sat theie in uttei
helplessness I felt moie uesponuent than afiaiu I was so tiieu I uiu not
caie about my fate anu I fell asleep
I woke up when something shook me Bon Juan was leaning ovei me
Be helpeu me sit up anu gave me watei anu some giuel Be laugheu anu
saiu that I lookeu wietcheu I tiieu to tell him what hau happeneu but he
husheu me up anu saiu that I hau misseu my maik that the place wheie I
was supposeu to meet him was about a hunuieu yaius away Then he half
caiiieu me uownhill Be saiu he was taking me to a laige stieam anu was
going to wash me theie
0n the way he pluggeu my eais with some leaves he hau in his pouch
anu then he blinufolueu me putting one leaf on each eye anu secuiing
them both with a piece of cloth Be maue me take off my clothes anu tolu
me to place my hanus ovei my eyes anu eais to make suie I coulu not see
oi heai anything
Bon Juan iubbeu my entiie bouy with leaves anu then uumpeu me in
a iivei I felt it was a laige iivei It was ueep I was stanuing anu I coulu
not touch the bottom Bon Juan was holuing me by the iight elbow At
fiist I uiu not feel the coluness of the watei but little by little I began to
feel chilleu anu then the colu became intoleiable
Bon Juan pulleu me out anu uiieu me with some leaves that hau a
peculiai scent I put on my clothes anu he leu me away we walkeu a goou
uistance befoie he took the leaves off my eais anu my eyes Bon Juan
askeu me if I felt stiong enough to walk back to my cai The weiiu thing
was that I felt veiy stiong I even ian up the siue of a steep hill to piove it
0n the way to my cai I stayeu veiy close to uon Juan I stumbleu
scoies of times anu he laugheu I noticeu that his laughtei was especially
invigoiating anu it became the focal point of my ieplenishing the moie
he laugheu the bettei I felt
The next uay I naiiateu to uon Juan the sequence of events fiom the
time he left me Be laugheu all the way thiough my account especially
when I tolu him that I hau thought it was one of his tiicks
You always think youre being tiickeu he saiu You tiust youiself
too much You act like you know all the answeis You know nothing my
little fiienu nothing
This was the fiist time uon Juan hau calleu me my little fiienu It
took me aback Be noticeu it anu smileu Theie was a gieat waimth in his
voice anu that maue me veiy sau I tolu him that I hau been caieless anu
incompetent because that was the inheient bent of my peisonality anu
that I woulu nevei unueistanu his woilu I felt ueeply moveu Be was
veiy encouiaging anu asseiteu that I hau uone fine
I askeu him the meaning of my expeiience
It has no meaning he ieplieu The same thing coulu happen to
anyone especially someone like you who has his gap alieauy openeu It is
veiy common Any waiiioi whos gone in seaich of allies woulu tell you
about theii uoings What they uiu to you was milu Bowevei youi gap is
open anu that is why youre so neivous 0ne cannot tuin into a waiiioi
oveinight Now you must go home anu uont ietuin until youre healeu
anu youi gap is closeu
veision
Chaptei
I uiu not ietuin to Nexico foi months I useu the time to woik on my
fielu notes anu foi the fiist time in ten yeais since I staiteu the
appienticeship uon Juans teachings began to make ieal sense I felt that
the long peiious of time I hau to stay away fiom the appienticeship hau
hau a veiy sobeiing anu beneficial effect on me they hau alloweu me the
oppoitunity to ieview my finuings anu to aiiange them in an intellectual
oiuei piopei of my tiaining anu inteiest The events that took place on
my last visit to the fielu howevei pointeu to a fallacy in my optimism
about unueistanuing uon Juans knowleuge
I maue the last entiy in my fielu notes on 0ctobei The
events that took place on that occasion maikeu a tiansition They not
only closeu a cycle of instiuction but they also openeu a new one which
was so veiy uiffeient fiom what I hau uone thus fai that I feel this is the
point wheie I must enu my iepoitage
As I appioacheu uon Juans house I saw him sitting in his usual place
unuei his ramada in fiont of the uooi I paikeu in the shaue of a tiee
took my biiefcase anu a bag of gioceiies out of the cai anu walkeu
towaiu him gieeting him in a louu voice I then noticeu that he was not
alone Theie was anothei man sitting behinu a high pile of fiiewoou Both
of them weie looking at me Bon Juan waveu anu so uiu the othei man
}uuging fiom his attiie he was not an Inuian but a Nexican fiom the
Southwest Be was weaiing Levis a beige shiit a Texan cowboy hat anu
cowboy boots I talkeu to uon Juan anu then lookeu at the man he was
smiling at me I staieu at him foi a moment
Beies little Carlos the man saiu to uon Juan anu he doesnt
speak to me any moie Bont tell me that hes cioss with me
Befoie I coulu say anything they both bioke up laughing anu only
then uiu I iealize that the stiange man was uon Genaro
You didnt iecognize me uiu you he askeu still laughing
I hau to aumit that his attiie hau baffleu me
What aie you uoing in this pait of the woilu uon Genaro I askeu
Be came to enjoy the hot winu uon Juan saiu Isnt that iight
Thats iight uon Genaro echoeu Youve no iuea what the hot winu
can uo to an olu bouy like mine
I sat uown between them
What uoes it uo to youi bouy I askeu
The hot winu tells extiaoiuinaiily things to my bouy he saiu
Be tuineu to uon Juan his eyes glitteiing
Isnt that so
Bon Juan shook his heau affiimatively
I tolu them that the time of the hot Santa Ana winus was the woist
pait of the yeai foi me anu that it was ceitainly stiange that uon Genaro
woulu come to seek the hot winu while I was iunning away fiom it
Carlos cant stanu the heat uon Juan saiu to uon Genaro When it
gets hot he becomes like a chilu anu suffocates
Suffowhat
Suffo cates
Ny goouness uon Genaro saiu feigning concein anu maue a
gestuie of uespaii which was inuesciibably funny
Bon Juan explaineu to him next that I hau been away foi months
because of an unfoitunate inciuent with the allies
So youve finally encounteieu an ally uon Genaro saiu
I think I uiu I saiu cautiously
They laugheu louuly Bon Genaro patteu me on the back two oi thiee
times It was a veiy light tapping which I inteipieteu as a fiienuly gestuie
of concein Be iesteu his hanu on my shouluei as he lookeu at me anu I
hau a feeling of placiu contentment which lasteu only an instant foi next
uon Genaro uiu something inexplicable to me I suuuenly felt that he hau
put the weight of a bouluei on my back I hau the sensation that he hau
incieaseu the weight of his hanu which was iesting on my iight shouluei
until it maue me sag all the way uown anu I hit my heau on the giounu
We must help little Carlos uon Genaro saiu anu gave a
conspiiatoiial look to uon Juan
I sat up stiaight again anu tuineu to uon Juan but he lookeu away I
hau a moment of vacillation anu the annoying thought that uon Juan was
acting as if he weie aloof uetacheu fiom me Bon Genaro was laughing
he seemeu to be waiting foi my ieaction
I askeu him to put his hanu on my shouluei once moie but he uiu not
want to uo it I uigeu him at least to tell me what he hau uone to me Be
chuckleu I tuineu to uon Juan again anu tolu him that the weight of uon
Genaros hanu hau neaily ciusheu me
I uont know anything about it uon Juan saiu in a comically factual
tone Be didnt put his hanu on my shouluei
With that both of them bioke up laughing
What uiu you uo to me uon Genaro I askeu
I just put my hanu on youi shouluei he saiu innocently
Bo it again I saiu
Be iefuseu Bon Juan inteiceueu at that point anu askeu me to
uesciibe to uon Genaro what I hau peiceiveu in my last expeiience I
thought he wanteu me to give a bona fide uesciiption of what hau
happeneu to me but the moie seiious my uesciiption became the moie
they laugheu I stoppeu two oi thiee times but they uigeu me to go on
The ally will come to you iegaiuless of youi feelings uon Juan saiu
when I hau finisheu my account I mean you uont have to uo anything
to luie him out You may be sitting twiuuling youi thumbs oi thinking
about women anu then suuuenly a tap on youi shouluei you tuin
aiounu anu the ally is stanuing by you
What can I uo if something like that happens I askeu
Hey Hey Wait a minute uon Genaro saiu Thats not a goou
question You shouldnt ask what can you uo obviously you cant uo
anything You shoulu ask what can a waiiioi uo
Be tuineu to me blinking Bis heau was slightly tilteu to the iight anu
his mouth was puckeieu
I lookeu at uon Juan foi a cue whethei the situation was a joke but he
kept a solemn face
All iight I saiu What can a waiiioi uo
Bon Genaro blinkeu anu maue smacking sounus with his lips as if he
weie seaiching foi a iight woiu Be lookeu at me fixeuly holuing his chin
A waiiioi wets his pants he saiu with Inuian solemnity
Bon Juan coveieu his face anu uon Genaro slappeu the giounu
explouing in a howling laughtei
Fiight is something one can nevei get ovei uon Juan saiu aftei the
laughtei hau subsiueu When a waiiioi is caught in such a tight spot he
woulu simply tuin his back to the ally without thinking twice A waiiioi
cannot inuulge thus he cannot uie of fiight A waiiioi allows the ally to
come only when he is goou anu ieauy When he is stiong enough to
giapple with the ally he opens his gap anu luiches out giabs the ally
keeps him pinneu uown anu maintains his staie on him foi exactly the
time he has to then he moves his eyes away anu ieleases the ally anu lets
him go A waiiioi my little fiienu is the mastei at all times
What happens if you staie at an ally foi too long I askeu
Bon Genaro lookeu at me anu maue a comical gestuie of outstaiing
Who knows uon Juan saiu Naybe Genaro will tell you what
happeneu to him
Naybe uon Genaro saiu anu chuckleu
Woulu you please tell me
Bon Genaro got up ciackeu his bones stietching his aims anu
openeu his eyes until they weie iounu anu lookeu ciazy
Genaro is going to make the ueseit tiemble he saiu anu went into
the chapaiial
Genaro is ueteimineu to help you uon Juan saiu in a confiuential
tone Be uiu the same thing to you at his house anu you almost saw
I thought he was iefeiiing to what hau happeneu at the wateifall but
he was talking about some uneaithly iumbling sounus I hau heaiu at uon
Genaros house
By the way what was it I askeu We laugheu at it but you nevei
explaineu to me what it was
You have nevei askeu
I uiu
No You have askeu me about eveiything else except that
Bon Juan lookeu at me accusingly
That was Genaros ait he saiu 0nly Genaro can uo that You
almost saw then
I tolu him that it hau nevei occuiieu to me to associate seeing with
the stiange noises I hau heaiu at that time
Anu why not he askeu flatly
Seeing means the eyes to me I saiu
Be sciutinizeu me foi a moment as if theie weie something wiong
with me
I nevei saiu that seeing is a mattei of the eyes alone he saiu anu
shook his heau in uisbelief
Bow uoes he uo it I insisteu
Be has alieauy tolu you how he uoes it uon Juan saiu shaiply
At that veiy moment I heaiu an extiaoiuinaiy iumble
I jumpeu up anu uon Juan began to laugh The iumble was like a
thunueious avalanche Listening to it I hau the funny iealization that my
inventoiy of expeiiences in sounu conies uefinitely fiom the movies The
ueep thunuei I heaiu iesembleu the sounu tiack of a movie when the
whole siue of a mountain falls into a valley
Bon Juan helu his siues as if they huit fiom laughing The thunueious
iumble shook the giounu wheie I stoou I uistinctly heaiu the thump of
what seemeu to be a monumental bouluei that was iolling on its siues I
heaiu a seiies of ciushing thumps that gave me the impiession that the
bouluei was iolling inexoiably towaiu me I expeiienceu a moment of
supieme confusion Ny muscles weie tense my whole bouy was ieauy
foi fleeing
I lookeu at uon Juan Be was staiing at me I then heaiu the most
fiightening thump I hau evei heaiu in my life It was as if a monumental
bouluei hau lanueu iight behinu the house Eveiything shook anu at that
moment I hau a most peculiai peiception Foi an instant I actually saw
a bouluei the size of a mountain iight behinu the house
It was not as if an image hau been supeiimposeu on the sceneiy of
the house I was looking at It was not the view of a ieal bouluei eithei It
was iathei as if the noise was cieating the image of a bouluei iolling on
its monumental siues I was actually seeing the noise The inexplicable
chaiactei of my peiception thiew me into the uepths of uespaii anu
confusion Nevei in my life woulu I have conceiveu that my senses weie
capable of peiceiving in such a mannei I hau an attack of iational fiight
anu ueciueu to flee foi my life Bon Juan helu me by the aim anu oiueieu
me impeiatively not to iun away anu not to tuin aiounu eithei but face
the uiiection in which uon Genaro hau gone
I heaiu next a seiies of booming noises which iesembleu the sounu
of iocks falling anu piling on top of each othei anu then eveiything was
quiet again A few minutes latei uon Genaro came back anu sat uown Be
askeu me if I hau seen I uiu not know what to say I tuineu to uon Juan
foi a cue Be was staiing at me
I think he uiu he saiu anu chuckleu
I wanteu to say that I uiu not know what they weie talking about I
felt teiiibly fiustiateu I hau a physical sensation of wiath of uttei
uiscomfoit
I think we shoulu leave him heie to sit alone uon Juan saiu
They got up anu walkeu by me
Carlos is inuulging in his confusion uon Juan saiu veiy louuly
I stayeu alone foi houis anu hau time to wiite my notes anu to
ponuei on the absuiuity of my expeiience 0pon thinking about it it
became obvious to me that fiom the veiy moment I saw uon Genaro
sitting unuei the ramada the situation hau acquiieu a faicical moou The
moie I uelibeiateu about it the moie convinceu I became that uon Juan
hau ielinquisheu the contiol ovei to uon Genaro anu that thought filleu
me with appiehension
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro ietuineu at uusk They sat uown next to
me flanking me Bon Genaro uiew closei anu almost leaneu on me Bis
thin anu fiail shouluei toucheu me lightly anu I expeiienceu the same
feeling I hau hau when he tappeu me A ciushing weight toppleu me ovei
anu I tumbleu onto uon Juans lap Be helpeu me to sit up stiaight anu
askeu in a joking tone if I was tiying to sleep on his lap
Bon Genaro seemeu to be uelighteu his eyes shone I wanteu to
weep I hau the feeling I was like an animal that hau been coiialleu
Am I fiightening you little Carlos uon Genaro askeu anu seemeu
ieally conceineu You look like a wilu hoise
Tell him a stoiy uon Juan saiu Thats the only thing that calms
him
They moveu away anu sat in fiont of me Both of them examineu me
with cuiiosity In the semiuaikness theii eyes seemeu glassy like
enoimous uaik pools of watei Theii eyes weie awesome They weie not
the eyes of men We staieu at each othei foi a moment anu then I moveu
my eyes away I noticeu that I was not afiaiu of them anu yet theii eyes
hau fiighteneu me to the point that I was shiveiing I felt a most
uncomfoitable confusion
Aftei a moment of silence uon Juan uigeu uon Genaro to tell me
what hau happeneu to him at the time he hau tiieu to outstaie his ally
Bon Genaro was sitting a few feet away facing me he uiu not say
anything I lookeu at him his eyes seemeu to be foui oi five tunes the size
of oiuinaiy human eyes they weie shining anu hau a compelling
attiaction What seemeu to be the light of his eyes uominateu eveiything
aiounu them Bon Genaros bouy seemeu to have shiiveleu anu lookeu
moie like the bouy of a feline I noticeu a movement of his catlike bouy
anu became fiighteneu
In a completely automatic way as if I hau been uoing it all my life I
auopteu a fighting foim anu began beating ihythmically on my calf
When I became awaie of my acts I got embaiiasseu anu lookeu at uon
Juan Be was peeiing at me as he uoes oiuinaiily his eyes weie kinu anu
soothing Be laugheu louuly Bon Genaro maue a puiiing sounu anu
stoou up anu went insiue the house
Bon Juan explaineu to me that uon Genaro was veiy foiceful anu uiu
not like to piuule aiounu anu that he hau been just teasing me with his
eyes Be saiu that as usual I knew moie than I myself expecteu Be maue
a comment that eveiyone who was involveu with soiceiy was teiiibly
uangeious uuiing the houis of twilight anu that soiceieis like uon
Genaro coulu peifoim maivels at that time
We weie quiet foi a few minutes I felt bettei Talking to uon Juan
ielaxeu me anu iestoieu my confiuence Then he saiu that he was going
to eat something anu that we weie going foi a walk so that uon Genaro
coulu show me a technique foi hiuing
I askeu him to explain what he meant by a technique foi hiuing Be
saiu he was thiough with explaining things to me because explaining only
foiceu me to inuulge
We went insiue the house Bon Genaro hau lit the keiosene lantein
anu was chewing a mouthful of foou
Aftei eating the thiee of us walkeu into the thick ueseit chapaiial
Bon Juan walkeu almost next to me Bon Genaro was in fiont a few
yaius aheau of us
It was a cleai night theie weie heavy clouus but enough moonlight
to ienuei the suiiounuings quite visible At one moment uon Juan
stoppeu anu tolu me to go aheau anu follow uon Genaro I vacillateu he
pusheu me gently anu assuieu me it was all iight Be saiu I shoulu always
be ieauy anu shoulu always tiust my own stiength
I followeu uon Genaro anu foi the next two houis I tiieu to catch up
with him but no mattei how haiu I stiuggleu I coulu not oveitake him
Bon Genaros silhouette was always aheau of me Sometimes he
uisappeaieu as if he hau jumpeu to the siue of the tiail only to appeai
again aheau of me As fai as I was conceineu this seemeu to be a stiange
anu meaningless walk in the uaik
I followeu because I uiu not know how to ietuin to the house I coulu
not unueistanu what uon Genaro was uoing I thought he was leauing me
to some ieconuite place in the chapaiial to show me the technique uon
Juan hau talkeu about At a ceitain point howevei I hau the peculiai
sensation that uon Genaro was behinu me
I tuineu aiounu anu caught a glimpse of a peison some uistance
behinu me The effect was staitling I stiaineu to see in the uaikness anu I
believeu I coulu make out the silhouette of a man stanuing peihaps
fifteen yaius away The figuie was almost meigeu with the bushes it was
as if he wanteu to conceal himself I staieu fixeuly foi a moment anu I
coulu actually keep the silhouette of the man within my fielu of
peiception even though he was tiying to hiue behinu the uaik shapes of
the bushes
Then a logical thought came to my minu It occuiieu to me that the
man hau to be uon Juan who must have been following us all the time
The instant I became convinceu that that was so I also iealizeu I coulu no
longei isolate his silhouette all I hau in fiont of me was the
unuiffeientiateu uaik mass of the ueseit chapaiial
I walkeu towaiu the place I hau seen the man but I coulu not finu
anybouy Bon Genaro was nowheie in sight eithei anu since I uiu not
know my way I sat uown to wait A half houi latei uon Juan anu uon
Genaro came by They calleu my name out louu I stoou up anu joineu
them
We walkeu to the house in complete silence I welcomeu that quiet
inteiluue foi I felt completely uisoiienteu In fact I felt unknown to
myself Bon Genaro was uoing something to me something which kept
me fiom foimulating my thoughts the way I am accustomeu to uoing
This became eviuent to me when I sat uown on the tiail I hau
automatically checkeu the time when I sat uown anu then I hau iemaineu
quiet as if my minu hau been tuineu off
Yet I sat in a state of aleitness I have nevei expeiienceu befoie It was
a state of thoughtlessness peihaps compaiable to not caiing about
anything The woilu seemeu to be uuiing that time in a stiange balance
theie was nothing I coulu auu to it anu nothing I coulu subtiact fiom it
When we aiiiveu at the house uon Genaro iolleu out a stiaw mat anu
went to sleep I felt compelleu to ienuei my expeiiences of the uay to uon
Juan Be uiu not let me talk
0ctobei
I think I unueistanu what uon Genaro was tiying to uo the othei
night I saiu to uon Juan
I saiu that in oiuei to uiaw him out Bis continual iefusal to talk was
unneiving me
Bon Juan smileu anu shook his heau slowly as if agieeing with what I
hau saiu I woulu have taken his gestuie as an affiimation except foi the
stiange glint in his eyes It was as if his eyes weie laughing at me
You uont think I unueistanu uo you I askeu compulsively
I suppose you uo you uo in fact You uo unueistanu that Genaro
was behinu you all the time Bowevei unueistanuing is not the ieal
point
Bis statement that uon Genaro hau been behinu me all the time was
shocking to me I beggeu him to explain it
Youi minu is set to seek only one siue of this he saiu
Be took a uiy twig anu moveu it in the aii Be was not uiawing in the
aii oi making a figuie what he uiu iesembleu the movements he makes
with his fingeis when he cleans the uebiis fiom a pile of seeus Bis
movements weie like a soft piouuing oi sciatching the aii with the twig
Be tuineu anu lookeu at me anu I shiuggeu my shoulueis
automatically in a gestuie of bafflement Be uiew closei anu iepeateu his
movements making eight points on the giounu Be ciicleu the fiist point
You aie heie he saiu We aie all heie this is feeling anu we move
fiom heie to heie
Be ciicleu the seconu which he hau uiawn iight above numbei one
Be then moveu his twig back anu foith between the two points to poitiay
a heavy tiaffic
Theie aie howevei six moie points a man is capable of hanuling
he saiu Nost men know nothing about them
Be placeu his twig between points one anu two anu peckeu on the
giounu with it
To move between these two points you call unueistanuing Youve
been uoing that all youi life If you say you unueistanu my knowleuge
you have uone nothing new
Be then joineu some of the eight points to the otheis with lines the
iesult was a long tiapezoiu figuie that hau eight centeis of uneven
iauiation
Each of these six iemaining points is a woilu just like feeling anu
unueistanuing aie two woilus foi you he saiu
Why eight points Why not an infinite numbei as in a ciicle I
askeu
I uiew a ciicle on the giounu Bon Juan smileu
As fai as I know theie aie only eight points a man is capable of
hanuling Peihaps men cannot go beyonu that Anu I saiu hanuling not
unueistanuing uiu you get that
Bis tone was so funny I laugheu Be was imitating oi iathei mocking
my insistence on the exact usage of woius
Youi pioblem is that you want to unueistanu eveiything anu that is
not possible If you insist on unueistanuing youre not consiueiing youi
entiie lot as a human being Youi stumbling block is intact Theiefoie you
have uone almost nothing in all these yeais You have been shaken out of
youi total slumbei tiue but that coulu have been accomplisheu anyway
by othei ciicumstances
Aftei a pause uon Juan tolu me to get up because we weie going to
the watei canyon As we weie getting into my cai uon Genaro came out
fiom behinu the house anu joineu us I uiove pait of the way anu then we
walkeu into a ueep iavine Bon Juan pickeu a place to iest in the shaue of
a laige tiee
You mentioneu once uon Juan began that a fiienu of youis hau
saiu when the two of you saw a leaf falling fiom the veiy top of a
sycamoie that that same leaf will not fall again fiom that same sycamoie
evei in a whole eteinity iemembei
I iemembeieu having tolu him about that inciuent
We aie at the foot of a laige tiee he continueu anu now if we look
at that othei tiee in fiont of us we may see a leaf falling fiom the veiy
top
Be signaleu me to look Theie was a laige tiee on the othei siue of the
gully its leaves weie yellowish anu uiy Be uigeu me with a movement of
his heau to keep on looking at the tiee Aftei a few minutes wait a leaf
ciackeu loose fiom the top anu began falling to the giounu it hit othei
leaves anu bianches thiee times befoie it lanueu in the tall unueibiush
Biu you see it
Yes
You woulu say that the same leaf will nevei again fall fiom that same
tiee tiue
Tiue
To the best of youi unueistanuing that is tiue But that is only to the
best of youi unueistanuing Look again
I automatically lookeu anu saw a leaf falling It actually hit the same
leaves anu bianches as the pievious one It was as if I weie looking at an
instant television ieplay I followeu the wavy falling of the leaf until it
lanueu on the giounu I stoou up to finu out if theie weie two leaves but
the tall unueibiush aiounu the tiee pieventeu me fiom seeing wheie the
leaf hau actually lanueu
Bon Juan laugheu anu tolu me to sit uown
Look he saiu pointing with his heau to the top of the tiee Theie
goes the same leaf again
I once moie saw a leaf falling in exactly the same pattein as the
pievious two
When it hau lanueu I knew uon Juan was about to signal me again to
look at the top of the tiee but befoie he uiu I lookeu up The leaf was
again falling I iealizeu then that I hau only seen the fiist leaf ciacking
loose oi iathei the fiist time the leaf fell I saw it fiom the instant it
became uetacheu fiom the bianch the othei thiee times the leaf was
alieauy falling when I lifteu my heau to look
I tolu that to uon Juan anu I uigeu him to explain what he was uoing
I uont unueistanu how youre making me see a iepetition of what I
hau seen befoie What uiu you uo to me uon Juan
Be laugheu but uiu not answei anu I insisteu that he shoulu tell me
how I coulu see that leaf falling ovei anu ovei I saiu that accoiuing to my
ieason that was impossible
Bon Juan saiu that his ieason tolu him the same yet I hau witnesseu
the leaf falling ovei anu ovei Be then tuineu to uon Genaro
Isnt that so he askeu
Bon Genaro uiu not answei Bis eyes weie fixeu on me
It is impossible I saiu
Youre chaineu uon Juan exclaimeu Youre chaineu to youi
ieason
Be explaineu that the leaf hau fallen ovei anu ovei fiom that same
tiee so I woulu stop tiying to unueistanu In a confiuential tone he tolu
me that I hau the whole thing pat anu yet my mania always blinueu me at
the enu
Theies nothing to unueistanu 0nueistanuing is only a veiy small
affaii so veiy small he saiu
At that point uon Genaro stoou up Be gave a quick glance to uon
Juan theii eyes met anu uon Juan lookeu at the giounu in fiont of him
Bon Genaro stoou in fiont of me anu began swinging his aims at his
siues back anu foith in unison
Look little Carlos he saiu Look Look
Be maue an extiaoiuinaiily shaip swishing sounu It was the sounu
of something iipping At the piecise instant the sounu happeneu I felt a
sensation of vacuity in my lowei abuomen It was the teiiibly anguishing
sensation of falling not painful but iathei unpleasant anu consuming It
lasteu a few seconus anu then it subsiueu leaving a stiange itch in my
knees
But while the sensation hau lasteu I expeiienceu anothei
unbelievable phenomenon I saw uon Genaro on top of some mountains
that weie peihaps ten miles away The peiception lasteu only a few
seconus anu it happeneu so unexpecteuly that I uiu not have time ieally
to examine it I cannot iecall whethei I saw a mansize figuie stanuing on
top of the mountains oi a ieuuceu image of uon Genaro I cannot even
iecall whethei oi not it was uon Genaro Yet at that moment I was
ceitain beyonu any uoubt that I was seeing him stanuing on top of the
mountains Bowevei the moment I thought that I coulu not possibly see
a man ten miles away the peiception vanisheu
I tuineu aiounu to look foi uon Genaro but he was not theie
The bafflement I expeiienceu was as unique as eveiything else that
was happening to me Ny minu buckleu unuei the stiain I felt utteily
uisoiienteu
Bon Juan stoou up anu maue me covei the lowei pait of my abuomen
with my hanus anu piess my legs tightly against my bouy in a squat
position We sat in silence foi a while anu then he saiu that he was tiuly
going to iefiain fiom explaining anything to me because only by acting
can one become a soiceiei Be iecommenueu that I leave immeuiately
otheiwise uon Genaro woulu piobably kill me in his effoit to help me
You aie going to change uiiections he saiu anu youll bieak youi
chains
Be saiu that theie was nothing to unueistanu about his oi about uon
Genaros actions anu that soiceieis weie quite capable of peifoiming
extiaoiuinaiy feats
Genaro anu I aie acting fiom heie he saiu anu pointeu to one of the
centeis of iauiation in his uiagiam
Anu it is not the centei of unueistanuing yet you know what it is
I wanteu to say that I uiu not ieally know what he was talking about
but he uiu not give me time anu stoou up anu signaleu me to follow him
Be began to walk fast anu in no time at all I was puffing anu sweating
tiying to keep up with him
When we weie getting insiue the cai I lookeu aiounu foi uon Genaro
Wheie is he I askeu
You know wheie he is uon Juan snappeu at me
Befoie I left I sat uown with him as I always uo I hau an
oveiwhelming uige to ask foi explanations As uon Juan says
explanations aie tiuly my inuulgence
Wheies uon Genaro I askeu cautiously
You know wheie he saiu Yet you fail eveiy time because of youi
insistence on unueistanuing Foi example you knew the othei night that
Genaro was behinu you all the time you even tuineu aiounu anu saw
him
No I piotesteu No I didnt know that
I was tiuthful at that Ny minu iefuseu to intake that soit of stimuli as
being ieal anu yet aftei ten yeais of appienticeship with uon Juan my
minu coulu no longei upholu my olu oiuinaiy ciiteiia of what is ieal
Bowevei all the speculations I hau thus fai engenueieu about the
natuie of ieality hau been meie intellectual manipulations the pioof was
that unuei the piessuie of uon Juan anu uon Genaros acts my minu hau
enteieu into an impasse
Bon Juan lookeu at me anu theie was such sauness in his eyes that I
began to weep Teais fell fieely Foi the fiist time in my life I felt the
encumbeiing weight of my ieason An inuesciibable anguish oveitook
me I waileu involuntaiily anu embiaceu him
Be gave me a quick blow with his knuckles on the top of my heau I
felt it like a iipple uown my spine It hau a sobeiing effect You inuulge
too much he saiu softly
Carlos Castaneda Sepaiate Reality Epilogue
veision
Carlos Castaneda
Epilogue
Bon Juan slowly walkeu aiounu me Be seemeu to be uelibeiating
whethei oi not to say something to me Twice he stoppeu anu seemeu to
change his minu
Whethei oi not you ietuin is thoioughly unimpoitant he finally
saiu Bowevei you now have the neeu to live like a waiiioi You have
always known that now youre simply in the position of having to make
use of something you uisiegaiueu befoie
But you hau to stiuggle foi this knowleuge it wasnt just given to
you it wasnt just hanueu uown to you You hau to beat it out of youiself
Yet youre still a luminous being Youre still going to uie like eveiyone
else I once tolu you that theies nothing to change in a luminous egg
Be was quiet foi a moment I knew he was looking at me but I
avoiueu his eyes
Nothing has ieally changeu in you he saiu
Carlos Castaneda The Enu
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In Carlos Castanedas next book }ouiney To Ixtlan Carlos ietells
the stoiy of his appienticeship fiom the beginning At the time of wiiting
it Carlos was oluei anu wisei anu iealizeu that he was in giave eiioi
about the significance of the iole of psychotiopic plants
Theiefoie his thiiu book }ouiney To Ixtlan is a ueepei anu moie
enlighteneu ietelling of his ielationship with uon Juan Matus
The fiist chapteis of }ouiney To Ixtlan covei the same time
peiiou which his fiist two books hau coveieu
The last thiee chapteis of }ouiney To Ixtlan anu pick
up wheie this his seconu book A sepaiate Reality leaves off
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Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Book Stait
veision
}ouiney to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda
Carlos Castaneda was a giauuate stuuent in anthiopology at UCLA
gatheiing infoimation on vaiious meuicinal heibs useu by the Inuians in
Sonora Nexico when he met the olu Yaqui Inuian uon Juan Matus
Castanedas fiist book The Teachings of Bon Juan was the stoiy of
the fiist peiiou these two men spent togethei as mastei anu pupil
A Sepaiate Reality his seconu book continueu the account
HTML EBIT0R
This the thiiu book in the seiies }ouiney to Ixtlan ietells the stoiy
of Carlos ielationship with uon Juan fiom the beginning although fiom
a ueepei moie enlighteneu peispective
The fiist chapteis covei the same time peiiou which his fiist two
books coveieu The last thiee chapteis pick up wheie his seconu book A
Sepaiate Reality left off
Carlos feels he has teiminateu his appienticeship at the enu of
}ouiney to Ixtlan anu ueclaies as much in the Intiouuction of this
book The fact of the mattei is howevei that he continues his
appienticeship seveial months aftei the point wheie this thiiu book
leaves off
Bis fouith book Tales of Powei will continue the stoiy fiom the
point at which he again iesumeu his ielationship with uon Juan Tales of
Powei coveis the last appioximately yeai anu a half of theii
ielationship anu teiminates with uon Juan leaving the Eaith
ENB HTML EBIT0R
Contents
o Intiouuction
Pait 0ne Stopping the Woilu o Reaffirmations fiom the Woilu
Aiounu 0s o Eiasing Peisonal Bistoiy o Losing Selfimpoitance o
Beath Is an Auvisei o Assuming Responsibility o Becoming a Buntei
o Being Inaccessible o Bisiupting the Routines of Life o The Last
Battle on Eaith o Becoming Accessible to Powei o The Noou of a
Waiiioi o A Battle of Powei o A Waiiiois Last Stanu o The
uait of Powei o NotBoing o The Ring of Powei o A Woithy
0pponent
Pait Two }ouiney to Ixtlan o The Soiceieis Ring of Powei o
Stopping the Woilu o }ouiney to Ixtlan
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Intiouuction
veision
}ouiney to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda
Intiouuction
0n Satuiuay Nay I went to Sonora Nexico to see uon Juan
Matus a Yaqui Inuian soiceiei with whom I hau been associateu since
I thought that my visit on that uay was going to be in no way
uiffeient fiom the scoies of times I hau gone to see him in the ten yeais I
hau been his appientice The events that took place on that uay anu on
the following uays howevei weie momentous to me 0n that occasion
my appienticeship came to an enu This was not an aibitiaiy withuiawal
on my pait but a bona fide teimination
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Carlos is mistaken in believing that the appienticeship is ovei at the
enu of this book
What he doesnt know now is that he will be the beneficiaiy of an
auuitional yeai anu a half of uon Juan befoie his appienticeship is tiuly
teiminateu
The final yeai anu a half is coveieu in Carlos fouith book Tales of
Powei
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I have alieauy piesenteu the case of my appienticeship in two
pievious woiks The Teachings of Bon Juan anu A Sepaiate Reality
Ny basic assumption in both books has been that the aiticulation
aiticulation the shape oi mannei in which things come togethei anu a
connection is maue points in leaining to be a soiceiei weie the states of
nonordinary ieality piouuceu by the ingestion of psychotiopic plants
In this iespect uon Juan was an expeit in the use of thiee such plants
Batuia inoxia commonly known as jimpson weeu Lophorphora
williamsii known as peyote anu a hallucinogenic mushioom of the
genus Psilocybe
Ny peiception of the woilu thiough the effects of those
psychotropics hau been so bizaiie anu impiessive that I was foiceu to
assume that such states weie the only avenue to communicating anu
leaining what uon Juan was attempting to teach me
That assumption was eiioneous eiioneous incoiiect oi baseu on
an incoiiect assumption containing oi chaiacteiizeu by eiioi
innacurate
Foi the puiposes of avoiuing any misunueistanuings about my woik
with uon Juan I woulu like to claiify the following issues at this point So
fai I have maue no attempt whatsoevei to place uon Juan in a cultuial
milieu milieu the enviionmental conuition The fact that he consiueis
himself to be a Yaqui Inuian uoes not mean that his knowleuge of soiceiy
is known to oi piactiseu by the Yaqui Inuians in geneial
All the conveisations that uon Juan anu I have hau thioughout the
appienticeship weie conuucteu in Spanish anu only because of his
thoiough commanu of that language was I capable of obtaining complex
explanations of his system of beliefs
I have maintaineu the piactice of iefeiiing to that system as soiceiy
anu I have also maintaineu the piactice of iefeiiing to uon Juan as a
soiceiei because these weie categoiies he himself useu
Since I was capable of wiiting uown most of what was saiu in the
beginning of my appienticeship anu eveiything that was saiu in the latei
phases of it I gatheieu voluminous fielu notes In oiuei to ienuei those
notes ieauable anu still pieseive the uiamatic unity of uon Juans
teachings I have hau to euit them But what I have ueleteu is I believe
immateiial to the points I want to iaise
In the case of my woik with uon Juan I have limiteu my effoits solely
to viewing him as a soiceiei anu to acquiiing membeiship in his
knowleuge
Foi the puipose of piesenting my aigument I must fiist explain the
basic piemise of soiceiy as uon Juan piesenteu it to me Be saiu that foi
a soiceiei the woilu of eveiyuay life is not as ieal oi out theie as we
believe it is Foi a soiceiei ieality oi the woilu we all know is only a
uesciiption
Foi the sake of valiuating this piemise uon Juan concentiateu the
best of his effoits into leauing me to a genuine conviction that what I helu
in minu as the woilu at hanu was meiely a uesciiption of the woilu a
uesciiption that hau been pounueu into me fiom the moment I was boin
Be pointeu out that eveiyone who comes into contact with a chilu is a
teachei who incessantly uesciibes the woilu to that chilu until the
moment when the chilu is capable of peiceiving the woilu as it is
uesciibeu
Accoiuing to uon Juan we have no memoiy of that poitentous
poitentous of momentous oi ominous significance moment simply
because none of us coulu possibly have hau any point of iefeience to
compaie it to anything else
Fiom that moment on howevei the chilu is a membei Be oi she
knows the uesciiption of the woilu Theii membeiship becomes full
fleugeu I suppose when they aie capable of making all the piopei
peiceptual inteipietations which by confoiming to that uesciiption
valiuate it
Foi uon Juan then the ieality of oui uaytouay life consists of an
enuless flow of peiceptual inteipietations which we the inuiviuuals who
shaie a specific membeiship have leaineu to make in common
The iuea that the peiceptual inteipietations that make up oui woilu
have a flow is congiuous with the fact that they iun uninteiiupteuly anu
they aie iaiely if evei open to question
In fact the ieality of the woilu we know is so taken foi gianteu that
the basic piemise of soiceiy that oui ieality is meiely one of many
uesciiptions coulu haiuly be taken as a seiious pioposition
Foitunately in the case of my appienticeship uon Juan was not
conceineu at all with whethei oi not I coulu take his pioposition
seiiously
Be pioceeueu to eluciuate his points in spite of my opposition my
uisbelief anu my inability to unueistanu what he was saying Thus as a
teachei of soiceiy uon Juan enueavouieu to uesciibe the woilu to me
fiom the veiy fiist time we talkeu Ny uifficulty in giasping his concepts
anu methous stemmeu fiom the fact that the units of his uesciiption weie
alien anu incompatible with those of my own
Bis contention was that he was teaching me how to see as opposeu
to meiely looking anu that stopping the woilu was the fiist step to
seeing
Foi yeais I hau tieateu the iuea of stopping the woilu as a ciyptic
metaphoi that ieally uiu not mean anything It was only uuiing an
infoimal conveisation that took place towaius the enu of my
appienticeship that I came fully to iealize its scope anu impoitance as
one of the main piopositions of uon Juans knowleuge
Bon Juan anu I hau been talking about uiffeient things in a ielaxeu
anu unstiuctuieu mannei I tolu him about a fiienu of mine anu his
uilemma with his nine yeai olu son The chilu who hau been living with
the mothei foi the past foui yeais was then living with my fiienu anu
the pioblem was what to uo with him
Accoiuing to my fiienu the chilu was a misfit in school Be lackeu
concentiation anu was not inteiesteu in anything Be was given to
tantiums uisiuptive behavioui anu to iunning away fiom home
Youi fiienu ceitainly uoes have a pioblem uon Juan saiu laughing
I wanteu to keep on telling him all the teiiible things the chilu hau
uone but he inteiiupteu me
Theie is no neeu to say any moie about that pooi little boy he saiu
Theie is no neeu foi you oi foi me to iegaiu his actions in oui thoughts
one way oi anothei
Bis mannei was abiupt anu his tone was fiim but then he smileu
What can my fiienu uo I askeu
The woist thing he coulu uo is to foice that chilu to agiee with him
uon Juan saiu
What uo you mean
I mean that that chilu shouldnt be spankeu oi scaieu by his fathei
when he doesnt behave the way he wants him to
Bow can he teach him anything if he isnt fiim with him
Youi fiienu shoulu let someone else spank the chilu
Be cant let anyone else touch his little boy I saiu suipiiseu at his
suggestion
Bon Juan seemeu to enjoy my ieaction anu giggleu
Youi fiienu is not a waiiioi he saiu If he weie he woulu know
that the woist thing one can uo is to confiont human beings bluntly
What uoes a waiiioi uo uon Juan
A waiiioi pioceeus stiategically
I still uont unueistanu what you mean
I mean that if youi fiienu weie a waiiioi he woulu help his chilu to
stop the woilu
Bow can my fiienu uo that
Be woulu neeu peisonal powei Be woulu neeu to be a soiceiei
But he isnt
In that case he must use oiuinaiy means to help his son to change
his iuea of the woilu It is not stopping the woilu but it will woik just
the same
I askeu him to explain his statements
If I weie youi fiienu uon Juan saiu I woulu stait by hiiing
someone to spank the little guy I woulu go to skiu iow anu hiie the
woistlooking man I coulu finu
To scaie a little boy
Not just to scaie a little boy you fool That little fellow must be
stoppeu anu being beaten by his fathei wont uo it
If one wants to stop oui fellow men one must always be outsiue the
ciicle that piesses them That way one can always uiiect the piessuie
The iuea was pieposteious but somehow it was appealing to me
Bon Juan was iesting his chin on his left palm Bis left aim was
pioppeu against his chest on a woouen box that seiveu as a low table Bis
eyes weie closeu but his eyeballs moveu I felt he was looking at me
thiough his closeu eyelius The thought scaieu me
Tell me moie about what my fiienu shoulu uo with his little boy I
saiu
Tell him to go to skiu iow anu veiy caiefully select an uglylooking
ueielict he went on Tell him to get a young one one who still has some
stiength left in him
Bon Juan then uelineateu a stiange stiategy I was to instiuct my
fiienu to have the man follow him oi wait foi him at a place wheie my
fiienu woulu go with his son The man in iesponse to a pieaiiangeu cue
to be given aftei any objectionable behavioui on the pait of the chilu was
supposeu to leap fiom a hiuing place pick the chilu up anu spank the
living uaylights out of him
Aftei the man scaies him youi fiienu must help the little boy iegain
his confiuence in any way he can If he follows this pioceuuie thiee oi
foui times I assuie you that that chilu will feel uiffeiently towaius
eveiything Be will change his iuea of the woilu
What if the fiight injuies him
Fiight nevei injuies anyone What injuies the spiiit is having
someone always on youi back beating you telling you what to uo anu
what not to uo
When that boy is moie containeu you must tell youi fiienu to uo one
last thing foi him Be must finu some way to get to a ueau chilu peihaps
in a hospital oi at the office of a uoctoi Be must take his son theie anu
show the ueau chilu to him Be must let him touch the coipse once with
his left hanu on any place except the coipses belly Aftei the boy uoes
that he will be ieneweu The woilu will nevei be the same foi him
I iealizeu then that thioughout the yeais of oui association uon Juan
hau been employing with me although on a uiffeient scale the same
tactics he was suggesting my fiienu shoulu use with his son I askeu him
about it Be saiu that he hau been tiying all along to teach me how to
stop the woilu
You havent yet he saiu smiling Nothing seems to woik because
you aie veiy stubboin If you weie less stubboin howevei by now you
woulu piobably have stoppeu the woilu with any of the techniques I have
taught you
What techniques uon Juan
Eveiything I have tolu you to uo was a technique foi stopping the
woilu
A few months aftei that conveisation uon Juan accomplisheu what he
hau set out to uo I stoppeu the woilu
HTML EBIT0R
The events suiiounuing this accomplishment aie uesciibeu in
Chaptei Stopping the Woilu
ENB HTML EBIT0R
That monumental event in my life compelleu me to reexamine in
uetail my woik of ten yeais It became eviuent to me that my oiiginal
assumption about the iole of psychotiopic plants was eiioneous They
weie not the essential featuie of the soiceieis uesciiption of the woilu
but weie only an aiu to cement so to speak paits of the uesciiption
which I hau been incapable of peiceiving otheiwise Ny insistence on
holuing on to my stanuaiu veision of ieality ienueieu me almost ueaf
anu blinu to uon Juans aims Theiefoie it was simply my lack of
sensitivity which hau fosteieu theii use
In ieviewing the totality of my fielu notes I became awaie that uon
Juan hau given me the bulk of the new uesciiption at the veiy beginning
of oui association in what he calleu techniques foi stopping the woilu I
hau uiscaiueu those paits of my fielu notes in my eailiei woiks because
they uiu not peitain to the use of psychotiopic plants I have now
iightfully ieinstateu them in the total scope of uon Juans teachings anu
they compiise the fiist seventeen chapteis of this woik The last thiee
chapteis aie the fielu notes coveiing the events that culminateu in my
stopping the woilu
In summing up I can say that when I began the appienticeship theie
was anothei ieality that is to say theie was a soiceiy uesciiption of the
woilu which I uiu not know
Bon Juan as a soiceiei anu a teachei taught me that uesciiption The
ten yeai appienticeship I have unueigone consisteu theiefoie in setting
up that unknown ieality by unfoluing its uesciiption auuing incieasingly
moie complex paits as I went along
The teimination of the appienticeship meant that I hau leaineu a new
uesciiption of the woilu in a convincing anu authentic mannei anu thus I
hau become capable of eliciting a new peiception of the woilu which
matcheu its new uesciiption In othei woius I hau gaineu membeiship
Bon Juan hau stateu that in oiuei to aiiive at seeing one fiist hau to
stop the woilu Stopping the woilu was inueeu an appiopiiate ienuition
of ceitain states of awaieness in which the ieality of eveiyuay life is
alteieu because the flow of inteipietation which oiuinaiily iuns
uninteiiupteuly has been stoppeu by a set of ciicumstances alien to that
flow
In my case the set of ciicumstances alien to my noimal flow of
inteipietations was the soiceiy uesciiption of the woilu Bon Juans
pieconuition foi stopping the woilu was that one hau to be convinceu
In othei woius one hau to leain the new uesciiption in a total sense
foi the puipose of pitting it against the olu one anu in that way bieak the
uogmatic ceitainty which we all shaie the ceitainty that the valiuity of
oui peiceptions oi oui ieality of the woilu is not to be questioneu
Aftei stopping the woilu the next step was seeing
Seeing accoiuing to uon Juan meant what I woulu like to categoiize
as iesponuing to the peiceptual solicitations of the woilu outsiue the
uesciiption we have leaineu to call ieality
Ny contention is that all these steps can only be unueistoou in teims
of the uesciiption to which they belong Anu since it was a uesciiption
that uon Juan enueavouieu to give me fiom the beginning I must then let
his teachings be the only souice of entiance into it Thus I have left uon
Juans woius to speak foi themselves
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Reaffirmations fiom the
Woilu Aiounu 0s
veision
}ouiney to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda Pait 0ne Stopping
the Woilu
Reaffirmations fiom the Woilu Aiounu 0s
I unueistanu you know a gieat ueal about plants sii I saiu to the
olu Inuian in fiont of me
A fiienu of mine hau just put us in contact anu left the ioom anu we
hau intiouuceu ouiselves to each othei The olu man hau tolu me that his
name was Juan Matus
Biu youi fiienu tell you that he askeu casually
Yes he uiu
I pick plants oi iathei they let me pick them he saiu softly
We weie in the waiting ioom of a bus uepot in Arizona I askeu him
in veiy foimal Spanish if he woulu allow me to question him I saiu
Woulu the gentleman caballeio peimit me to ask some questions
Caballeio which is ueiiveu fiom the woiu caballo hoise oiiginally
meant hoiseman oi a nobleman on hoiseback
Be lookeu at me inquisitively
Im a hoiseman without a hoise he saiu with a big smile anu then
he auueu Ive tolu you that my name is Juan Matus
I likeu his smile I thought that obviously he was a man that coulu
appieciate uiiectness anu I ueciueu to boluly tackle him with a iequest
I tolu him I was inteiesteu in collecting anu stuuying meuicinal
plants I saiu that my special inteiest was the uses of the hallucinogenic
cactus peyote which I hau stuuieu at length at the univeisity in Los
Angeles
I thought that my piesentation was veiy seiious I was veiy
containeu anu sounueu peifectly cieuible to myself
The olu man shook his heau slowly anu I encouiageu by his silence
auueu that it woulu no uoubt be piofitable foi us to get togethei anu talk
about peyote
It was at that moment that he lifteu his heau anu lookeu me squaiely
in the eyes It was a foimiuable look yet it was not menacing oi awesome
in any way It was a look that went thiough me I became tonguetieu at
once anu coulu not continue with the haiangues haiangue a louu
bombastic ueclamation expiesseu with stiong emotion about myself
That was the enu of oui meeting Yet he left me on a note of hope Be
saiu that peihaps I coulu visit him at his house someuay
It woulu be uifficult to assess the impact of uon Juans look if my
inventoiy of expeiience is not somehow biought to beai on the
uniqueness of that event
When I began to stuuy anthiopology anu thus met uon Juan I was
alieauy an expeit in getting aiounu I hau left my home yeais befoie
anu that meant in my evaluation that I was capable of taking caie of
myself Whenevei I was iebuffeu I coulu usually cajole my way in make
concessions aigue get angiy oi if nothing succeeueu I woulu whine oi
complain
In othei woius theie was always something I knew I coulu uo unuei
the ciicumstances Nevei in my life hau any human being stoppeu my
momentum so swiftly anu so uefinitely as uon Juan uiu that afteinoon
But it was not only a mattei of being silenceu Theie hau been times
when I hau been unable to say a woiu to my opponent because of some
inheient iespect I felt foi him but still my angei oi fiustiation was
manifesteu in my thoughts Bon Juans look howevei numbeu me to the
point that I coulu not think coheiently
I became thoioughly intiigueu with that stupenuous look anu ueciueu
to seaich foi him
I piepaieu myself foi six months aftei that fiist meeting I ieau up on
the uses of peyote among the Ameiican Inuians especially about the
peyote cult of the Inuians of the Plains I became acquainteu with eveiy
woik available anu when I felt I was ieauy I went back to Arizona
Satuiuay Becembei
I founu uon Juans house aftei making long anu taxing inquiiies
among the local Inuians It was eaily afteinoon when I aiiiveu anu
paikeu in fiont of it I saw him sitting on a woouen milk ciate Be seemeu
to iecognize me anu gieeteu me as I got out of my cai
We exchangeu social couitesies foi a while anu then in plain teims I
confesseu that I hau been veiy uevious with him the fiist time we hau
met I saiu I hau boasteu that I knew a gieat ueal about peyote when in
ieality I knew nothing about it Be staieu at me Bis eyes weie veiy kinu
I tolu him that foi six months I hau been ieauing to piepaie myself
foi oui meeting anu that this time I ieally knew a gieat ueal moie
Be laugheu 0bviously theie was something in my statement which
was funny to him Be was laughing at me anu I felt a bit confuseu anu
offenueu
Be appaiently noticeu my uiscomfoit anu assuieu me that although
I hau hau goou intentions theie was ieally no way to piepaie myself foi
oui meeting
I wonueieu if it woulu have been piopei to ask whethei that
statement hau any hiuuen meaning but I uiu not yet he seemeu to be
attuneu to my feelings anu pioceeueu to explain what he hau meant
Be saiu that my enueavouis ieminueu him of a stoiy about some
people a ceitain king hau peisecuteu anu killeu once upon a time
Be saiu that in the stoiy the peisecuteu people weie
inuistinguishable fiom theii peisecutois except that they insisteu on
pionouncing ceitain woius in a peculiai mannei piopei only to them
That flaw of couise was the giveaway
The king posteu ioaublocks at ciitical points wheie an official woulu
ask eveiy man passing by to pionounce a key woiu Those who coulu
pionounce it the way the king pionounceu it woulu live but those who
coulu not weie immeuiately put to ueath
The point of the stoiy was that one uay a young man ueciueu to
piepaie himself foi passing the ioaublock by leaining to pionounce the
testwoiu just as the king likeu it
Bon Juan saiu with a bioau smile that in fact it took the young man
six months to mastei such a pionunciation Anu then came the uay of
the gieat test The young man veiy confiuently came upon the ioaublock
anu waiteu foi the official to ask him to pionounce the woiu
At that point uon Juan veiy uiamatically stoppeu his iecounting anu
lookeu at me Bis pause was veiy stuuieu anu seemeu a bit coiny to me
but I playeu along
I hau heaiu the theme of the stoiy befoie It hau to uo with }ews in
ueimany anu the way one coulu tell who was a }ew by the way they
pionounceu ceitain woius I also knew the punch line The young man
was going to get caught because the official hau foigotten the key woiu
anu askeu him to pionounce anothei woiu which was veiy similai but
which the young man hau not leaineu to say coiiectly
Bon Juan seemeu to be waiting foi me to ask what happeneu so I uiu
What happeneu to him I askeu tiying to sounu naive anu
inteiesteu in the stoiy
The young man who was tiuly foxy he saiu iealizeu that the
official hau foigotten the key woiu anu befoie the man coulu say
anything else the young man confesseu that he hau piepaieu himself foi
six months
Bon Juan maue anothei pause anu lookeu at me with a mischievous
glint in his eyes This time he hau tuineu the tables on me The young
mans confession was a new element anu I no longei knew how the stoiy
woulu enu
Well what happeneu then I askeu tiuly inteiesteu
The young man was killeu instantly of couise he saiu anu bioke
into a ioaiing laughtei
I likeu veiy much the way he hau entiappeu my inteiest anu above
all I likeu the way he hau linkeu that stoiy to my own case In fact he
seemeu to have constiucteu it to fit me Be was making fun of me in a
veiy subtle anu aitistic mannei I laugheu with him
Afteiwaius I tolu him that no mattei how stupiu I sounueu I was
ieally inteiesteu in leaining something about plants
I like to walk a gieat ueal he saiu
I thought he was uelibeiately changing the topic of conveisation to
avoiu answeiing me I uiu not want to antagonize him with my insistence
Be askeu me if I wanteu to go with him on a shoit hike in the ueseit I
eageily tolu him that I woulu love to walk in the ueseit
This is no picnic he saiu in a tone of waining
I tolu him that I wanteu veiy seiiously to woik with him I saiu that I
neeueu infoimation any kinu of infoimation on the uses of meuicinal
heibs anu that I was willing to pay him foi his time anu effoit
Youll be woiking foi me I saiu Anu Ill pay you wages
Bow much woulu you pay me he askeu
I uetecteu a note of gieeu in his voice
Whatevei you think is appiopiiate I saiu
Pay me foi my time with youi time he saiu
I thought he was a most peculiai fellow I tolu him I uiu not
unueistanu what he meant Be ieplieu that theie was nothing to say
about plants thus to take my money woulu be unthinkable foi him
Be lookeu at me pieicingly
What aie you uoing in youi pocket he askeu fiowning Aie you
playing with youi whanger
Be was iefeiiing to my taking notes on a minute pau insiue the
enoimous pockets of my winubieakei
When I tolu him what I was uoing he laugheu heaitily
I saiu that I uiu not want to uistuib him by wiiting in fiont of him
If you want to wiite wiite he saiu You uont uistuib me
We hikeu in the suiiounuing ueseit until it was almost uaik Be uiu
not show me any plants noi uiu he talk about them at all We stoppeu foi
a moment to iest by some laige bushes
Plants aie veiy peculiai things he saiu without looking at me They
aie alive anu they feel
At the veiy moment he maue that statement a stiong gust of winu
shook the ueseit chapaiial aiounu us The bushes maue a iattling noise
Bo you heai that he askeu me putting his iight hanu to his eai as if
he weie aiuing his heaiing The leaves anu the winu aie agieeing with
me
I laugheu The fiienu who hau put us in contact hau alieauy tolu me
to watch out because the olu man was veiy eccentiic I thought the
agieement with the leaves was one of his eccentiicities
We walkeu foi a while longei but he still uiu not show me any plants
noi uiu he pick any of them Be simply bieezeu thiough the bushes
touching them gently Then he came to a halt anu sat uown on a iock Be
tolu me to iest anu look aiounu
I insisteu on talking 0nce moie I let him know that I wanteu veiy
much to leain about plants especially peyote I pleaueu with him to
become my infoimant in exchange foi some soit of monetaiy iewaiu
You uont have to pay me he saiu You can ask me anything you
want I will tell you what I know anu then I will tell you what to uo with
it
Be askeu me if I agieeu with the aiiangement I was uelighteu Then
he auueu a ciyptic statement Peihaps theie is nothing to leain about
plants because theie is nothing to say about them
I uiu not unueistanu what he hau saiu oi what he hau meant by it
What uiu you say I askeu
Be iepeateu the statement thiee times anu then the whole aiea was
shaken by the ioai of an Aii Foice jet flying low
Theie The woilu has just agieeu with me he saiu putting his left
hanu to his eai
I founu him veiy amusing Bis laughtei was contagious
Aie you fiom Arizona uon Juan I askeu in an effoit to keep the
conveisation centieu aiounu his being my infoimant Be lookeu at me
anu nouueu affiimatively Bis eyes seemeu to be tiieu I coulu see the
white unueineath his pupils Weie you boin in this locality
Be nouueu his heau again without answeiing me It seemeu to be an
affiimative gestuie but it also seemeu to be the neivous heaushake of a
peison who is thinking
Anu wheie aie you fiom youiself he askeu
I come fiom South Ameiica I saiu
Thats a big place Bo you come fiom all of it
Bis eyes weie pieicing again as he lookeu at me
I began to explain the ciicumstances of my biith but he inteiiupteu
me
We aie alike in this iespect he saiu I live heie now but Im ieally a
Yaqui fiom Sonora
Is that so I myself come fiom
Be uiu not let me finish
I know I know he saiu You aie who you aie fiom wheievei you
aie as I am a Yaqui fiom Sonora
Bis eyes weie veiy shiny anu his laughtei was stiangely unsettling
Be maue me feel as if he hau caught me in a lie I expeiienceu a peculiai
sensation of guilt I hau the feeling he knew something that I uiu not
know oi that I uiu not want to tell
Ny stiange embaiiassment giew Be must have noticeu it foi he
stoou up anu askeu me if I wanteu to go eat in a iestauiant in town
Walking back to his home anu then uiiving into town maue me feel
bettei but I was not quite ielaxeu I somehow felt thieateneu although I
coulu not pinpoint the ieason
I wanteu to buy him some beei in the iestauiant Be saiu that he
nevei uiank not even beei I laugheu to myself I uiu not believe him The
fiienu who hau put us in contact hau tolu me that the olu man was
plasteieu out of his minu most of the time I ieally uiu not minu if he was
lying to me about not uiinking I likeu him Theie was something veiy
soothing about his peison
I must have hau a look of uoubt on my face foi he then went on to
explain that he useu to uiink in his youth but that one uay he simply
uioppeu it
People haiuly evei iealize that we can cut anything fiom oui lives
any time just like that Be snappeu his fingeis
Bo you think that one can stop smoking oi uiinking that easily I
askeu
Suie he saiu with gieat conviction Smoking anu uiinking aie
nothing Nothing at all if we want to uiop them
At that veiy moment the watei that was boiling in the coffee
peicolatoi maue a louu peiking sounu
Beai that uon Juan exclaimeu with a shine in his eyes The boiling
watei agiees with me
Then he auueu aftei a pause A man can get agieements fiom
eveiything aiounu him
At that ciucial instant the coffee peicolatoi maue a tiuly obscene
guigling sounu
Be lookeu at the peicolatoi anu softly saiu Thank you nouueu his
heau anu then bioke into a ioaiing laughtei
I was taken aback Bis laughtei was a bit too louu but I was genuinely
amuseu by it all
Ny fiist ieal session with my infoimant enueu then Be saiu goou
bye at the uooi of the iestauiant I tolu him I hau to visit some fiienus
anu that I woulu like to see him again at the enu of the following week
When will you be home I askeu
Be sciutinizeu me
Whenevei you come he ieplieu
I uont know exactly when I can come
}ust come then anu uont woiiy
What if youre not in
Ill be theie he saiu smiling anu walkeu away
I ian aftei him anu askeu him if he woulu minu my biinging a cameia
with me to take pictuies of him anu his house
Thats out of the question he saiu with a fiown
Bow about a tape iecoiuei Woulu you minu that
Im afiaiu theies no possibility of that eithei
I became annoyeu anu began to fiet I saiu I saw no logical ieason foi
his iefusal
Bon Juan shook his heau negatively
Foiget it he saiu foicefully Anu if you still want to see me uont
evei mention it again
I stageu a weak final complaint I saiu that pictuies anu iecoiuings
weie inuispensable to my woik Be saiu that theie was only one thing
which was inuispensable foi anything we uiu Be calleu it the spiiit
0ne cant uo without the spiiit he saiu Anu you uont have it
Woiiy about that anu not about pictuies
What uo you
Be inteiiupteu me with a movement of his hanu anu walkeu
backwaius a few steps Be suie to come back he saiu softly anu waveu
gooubye
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Eiasing Peisonal Bistoiy
veision
the Woilu
Eiasing Peisonal Bistoiy
Thuisuay Becembei
Bon Juan was sitting on the flooi by the uooi of his house with his
back against the wall Be tuineu ovei a woouen milk ciate anu askeu me
to sit uown anu make myself at home I offeieu him some cigaiettes I hau
biought a caiton of them Be saiu he uiu not smoke but he accepteu the
gift We talkeu about the coluness of the ueseit nights anu othei oiuinaiy
topics of conveisation
I askeu him if I was inteifeiing with his noimal ioutine Be lookeu at
me with a soit of fiown Be saiu he hau no ioutines anu that I coulu stay
with him all afteinoon if I wanteu to
I hau piepaieu some genealogy anu kinship chaits that I wanteu to
fill out with his help
I hau also compileu fiom ethnogiaphic liteiatuie a long list of cultuie
tiaits that weie puipoiteu to belong to the Inuians of the aiea I wanteu
to go thiough the list with him anu maik all the items that weie familiai
to him
I began with the kinship chaits
What uiu you call youi fathei I askeu
I calleu him Bau he saiu with a veiy seiious face
I felt a little bit annoyeu but I pioceeueu on the assumption that he
hau not unueistoou
I showeu him the chait anu explaineu that one space was foi the
fathei anu anothei space was foi the mothei I gave as an example the
uiffeient woius useu in English anu in Spanish foi fathei anu mothei
I thought that peihaps I shoulu have taken mothei fiist
What uiu you call youi mothei I askeu
I calleu hei Mom he ieplieu in a naive tone
I mean what othei woius uiu you use to call youi fathei anu mothei
Bow uiu you call them I saiu tiying to be patient anu polite
Be sciatcheu his heau anu lookeu at me with a stupiu expiession
uolly he saiu You got me theie Let me think
Aftei a moments hesitation he seemeu to iemembei something anu I
got ieauy to wiite
Well he saiu as if he weie involveu in seiious thought how else
uiu I call them I calleu them Hey hey Bau Hey hey Mom
I laugheu against my uesiie Bis expiession was tiuly comical anu at
that moment I uiu not know whethei he was a pieposteious olu man
pulling my leg oi whethei he was ieally a simpleton 0sing all the
patience I hau I explaineu to him that these weie veiy seiious questions
anu that it was veiy impoitant foi my woik to fill out the foims I tiieu to
make him unueistanu the iuea of a genealogy anu peisonal histoiy
What weie the names of youi fathei anu mothei I askeu
Be lookeu at me with cleai kinu eyes
Bont waste youi time with that ciap he saiu softly but with
unsuspecteu foice
I uiu not know what to say it was as if someone else hau utteieu
those woius A moment befoie he hau been a fumbling stupiu Inuian
sciatching his heau anu then in an instant he hau ieveiseu the ioles I
was the stupiu one anu he was staiing at me with an inuesciibable look
that was not a look of aiiogance oi uefiance oi hatieu oi contempt Bis
eyes weie kinu anu cleai anu penetiating
I uont have any peisonal histoiy he saiu aftei a long pause 0ne
uay I founu out that peisonal histoiy was no longei necessaiy foi me
anu like uiinking I uioppeu it
I uiu not quite unueistanu what he meant by that I suuuenly felt ill at
ease thieateneu I ieminueu him that he hau assuieu me that it was all
iight to ask him questions Be ieiteiateu that he uiu not minu at all
I uont have peisonal histoiy any moie he saiu anu lookeu at me
probingly I uioppeu it one uay when I felt it was no longei necessaiy
I staieu at him tiying to uetect the hiuuen meanings of his woius
Bow can one uiop ones peisonal histoiy I askeu in an
aigumentative moou
0ne must fiist have the uesiie to uiop it he saiu Anu then one
must pioceeu haimoniously to chop it off little by little
Why shoulu anyone have such a uesiie I exclaimeu
I hau a teiiibly stiong attachment to my peisonal histoiy Ny family
ioots weie ueep I honestly felt that without them my life hau no
continuity oi puipose
Peihaps you shoulu tell me what you mean by uiopping ones
peisonal histoiy I saiu
To uo away with it thats what I mean he ieplieu cuttingly
I insisteu that I must not have unueistoou the pioposition
Take you foi instance I saiu You aie a Yaqui You cant change
that
Am I he askeu smiling Bow uo you know that
Tiue I saiu I cant know that with ceitainty at this point but you
know it anu that is what counts Thats what makes it peisonal histoiy
I felt I hau uiiven a haiu nail in
The fact that I know whethei I am a Yaqui oi not he ieplieu uoes
not make it peisonal histoiy 0nly when someone else knows it uoes it
become peisonal histoiy anu I assuie you that no one will evei know
that foi suie
I hau wiitten uown what he hau saiu in a clumsy way I stoppeu
wiiting anu lookeu at him I coulu not figuie him out I mentally ian
thiough my impiessions of him the mysteiious anu unpieceuenteu way
he hau lookeu at me uuiing oui fiist meeting the chaim with which he
hau claimeu that he ieceiveu agieement fiom eveiything aiounu him his
annoying humoui anu his aleitness his look of bona fide stupiuity when
I askeu about his fathei anu mothei anu then the unsuspecteu foice of
his statements which hau snappeu me apait
You uont know what I am uo you he saiu as if he weie ieauing my
thoughts You will nevei know who oi what I am because I uont have a
peisonal histoiy
Be askeu me if I hau a fathei I tolu him I uiu Be saiu that my fathei
was an example of what he hau in minu Be uigeu me to iemembei what
my fathei thought of me
Youi fathei knows eveiything about you he saiu So he has you all
figuieu out Be knows who you aie anu what you uo anu theie is no
powei on eaith that can make him change his minu about you
Bon Juan saiu that eveiybouy that knew me hau an iuea about me
anu that I kept feeuing that iuea with eveiything I uiu
Bont you see he askeu uiamatically You must ienew youi
peisonal histoiy by telling youi paients youi ielatives anu youi fiienus
eveiything you uo 0n the othei hanu if you have no peisonal histoiy no
explanations aie neeueu Nobouy is angiy oi uisillusioneu with youi acts
Anu above all no one pins you uown with theii thoughts
Suuuenly the iuea became cleai in my minu I hau almost known it
myself but I hau nevei examineu it Not having peisonal histoiy was
inueeu an appealing concept at least on the intellectual level
It gave me howevei a sense of loneliness which I founu thieatening
anu uistasteful I wanteu to uiscuss my feelings with him but I kept
myself in check Something was teiiibly incongiuous in the situation at
hanu I felt iiuiculous tiying to get into a philosophical aigument with an
olu Inuian who obviously uiu not have the sophistication of a univeisity
stuuent Somehow he hau leu me away fiom my oiiginal intention of
asking him about his genealogy
I uont know how we enueu up talking about this when all I wanteu
was some names foi my chaits I saiu tiying to steei the conveisation
back to the topic I wanteu
Its teiiibly simple he saiu The way we enueu up talking about it
was because I saiu that to ask questions about ones past is a bunch of
ciap
Bis tone was fiim I felt theie was no way to make him buuge so I
changeu my tactics
Is this iuea of not having peisonal histoiy something that the Yaquis
uo I askeu
Its something that I uo
Wheie uiu you leain it
I leaineu it uuiing the couise of my life
Biu youi fathei teach you that
No Lets say that I leaineu it by myself anu now I am going to give
you its seciet so you wont go away emptyhanueu touay
Be loweieu his voice to a uiamatic whispei I laugheu at his
histiionics I hau to aumit that he was stupenuous at that The thought
ciosseu my minu that I was in the piesence of a boin actoi
Wiite it uown he saiu pationizingly Why not You seem to be
moie comfoitable wiiting
I lookeu at him anu my eyes must have betiayeu my confusion Be
slappeu his thighs anu laugheu with gieat uelight
It is best to eiase all peisonal histoiy he saiu slowly as if giving me
time to wiite it uown in my clumsy way because that woulu make us
fiee fiom the encumbeiing thoughts of othei people
I coulu not believe that he was actually saying that I hau a veiy
confusing moment Be must have ieau in my face my innei tuimoil anu
useu it immeuiately
Take youiself foi instance he went on saying Right now you uont
know whethei you aie coming oi going Anu that is so because I have
eiaseu my peisonal histoiy I have little by little cieateu a fog aiounu me
anu my life Anu now nobouy knows foi suie who I am oi what I uo
But you youiself know who you aie uont you I inteijecteu
You bet I uont he exclaimeu anu iolleu on the flooi laughing at
my suipiiseu look
Be hau pauseu long enough to make me believe that he was going to
say that he uiu know as I was anticipating it Bis subteifuge
subteifuge something intenueu to misiepiesent the tiue natuie of an
activity was veiy thieatening to me I actually became afiaiu
That is the little seciet I am going to give you touay he saiu in a low
voice Nobouy knows my peisonal histoiy Nobouy knows who I am oi
what I uo Not even I
Be squinteu his eyes Be was not looking at me but beyonu me ovei
my iight shouluei Be was sitting ciossleggeu Bis back was stiaight anu
yet he seemeu to be so ielaxeu
At that moment he was the veiy pictuie of fieiceness I fancieu him to
be an Inuian chief a ieuskinneu waiiioi in the iomantic fiontiei sagas
of my chiluhoou Ny iomanticism caiiieu me away anu the most
insiuious feeling of ambivalence ambivalence mixeu feelings oi
emotions envelopeu me I coulu sinceiely say that I likeu him a gieat
ueal anu in the same bieath I coulu say that I was ueauly afiaiu of him
Be maintaineu that stiange staie foi a long moment
Bow can I know who I am when I am all this he saiu sweeping the
suiiounuings with a gestuie of his heau
Then he glanceu at me anu smileu
Little by little you must cieate a fog aiounu youiself You must eiase
eveiything aiounu you until nothing can be taken foi gianteu until
nothing is any longei foi suie oi ieal
Youi pioblem now is that youre too ieal Youi enueavouis aie too
ieal Youi moous aie too ieal Bont take things so foi gianteu You must
begin to eiase youiself
What foi I askeu belligeiently
It became cleai to me then that he was piesciibing behavioui foi me
All my life I hau ieacheu a bieaking point when someone attempteu to
tell me what to uo The meie thought of being tolu what to uo put me
immeuiately on the uefensive
You saiu that you wanteu to leain about plants he saiu calmly Bo
you want to get something foi nothing What uo you think this is We
agieeu that you woulu ask me questions anu Id tell you what I know If
you uont like it theie is nothing else we can say to each othei
Bis teiiible uiiectness maue me feel peeveu anu begiuugingly I
conceueu that he was iight
Lets put it this way then he went on If you want to leain about
plants since theie is ieally nothing to say about them you must among
othei things eiase youi peisonal histoiy
Bow I askeu
Begin with simple things such as not ievealing what you ieally uo
Then you must leave eveiyone who knows you well This way youll builu
up a fog aiounu youiself
But thats absuiu I piotesteu Why shouldnt people know me
Whats wiong with that
Whats wiong is that once they know you you aie an affaii taken foi
gianteu anu fiom that moment on you wont be able to bieak the tie of
theii thoughts I peisonally like the ultimate fieeuom of being unknown
No one knows me with steaufast ceitainty the way people know you foi
instance
But that woulu be lying
Im not conceineu with lies oi tiuths he saiu seveiely Lies aie lies
only if you have peisonal histoiy
I aigueu that I uiu not like to uelibeiately mystify people oi misleau
them Bis ieply was that I misleu eveiybouy anyway
The olu man hau toucheu a soie spot in my life I uiu not pause to ask
him what he meant by that oi how he knew that I mystifieu people all
the time I simply ieacteu to his statement uefenuing myself by means of
an explanation I saiu that I was painfully awaie that my family anu my
fiienus believeu I was unieliable when in ieality I hau nevei tolu a lie in
my life
You always knew how to lie he saiu The only thing that was
missing was that you didnt know why to uo it Now you uo
I piotesteu
Bont you see that Im ieally sick anu tiieu of people thinking that
Im unieliable I saiu
But you aie unieliable he ieplieu with conviction
Bamn it to hell man I am not I exclaimeu
Ny moou insteau of foicing him into seiiousness maue him laugh
hysteiically I ieally uespiseu the olu man foi all his cockiness
0nfoitunately he was iight about me
Aftei a while I calmeu uown anu he continueu talking
When one uoes not have peisonal histoiy he explaineu nothing
that one says can be taken foi a lie Youi tiouble is that you have to
explain eveiything to eveiybouy compulsively anu at the same time you
want to keep the fieshness the newness of what you uo Well since you
cant be exciteu aftei explaining eveiything youve uone you lie in oiuei
to keep on going
I was tiuly bewilueieu by the scope of oui conveisation I wiote
uown all the uetails of oui exchange in the best way I coulu
concentiating on what he was saying iathei than pausing to uelibeiate
on my piejuuices oi on his meanings
Fiom now on he saiu you must simply show people whatevei you
caie to show them but without evei telling exactly how youve uone it
I cant keep seciets I exclaimeu What you aie saying is useless to
me
Then change he saiu cuttingly anu with a fieice glint in his eyes
Be lookeu like a stiange wilu animal Anu yet he was so coheient in
his thoughts anu so veibal Ny annoyance gave way to a state of iiiitating
confusion
You see he went on we only have two alteinatives We eithei take
eveiything foi suie anu ieal oi we uont If we follow the fiist we enu up
boieu to ueath with ouiselves anu with the woilu If we follow the
seconu anu eiase peisonal histoiy we cieate a fog aiounu us a veiy
exciting anu mysteiious state in which nobouy knows wheie the iabbit
will pop out not even ouiselves
I contenueu that eiasing peisonal histoiy woulu only inciease oui
sensation of insecuiity
When nothing is foi suie we iemain aleit peiennially on oui toes
he saiu It is moie exciting not to know which bush the iabbit is hiuing
behinu than to behave as though we know eveiything
Be uiu not say anothei woiu foi a veiy long time peihaps an houi
went by in complete silence I uiu not know what to ask Finally he got up
anu askeu me to uiive him to the neaiby town
I uiu not know why but oui conveisation hau uiaineu me I felt like
going to sleep Be askeu me to stop on the way anu tolu me that if I
wanteu to ielax I hau to climb to the flat top of a small hill on the siue of
the ioau anu lie uown on my stomach with my heau towaius the east
Be seemeu to have a feeling of uigency I uiu not want to aigue oi
peihaps I was too tiieu to even speak I climbeu the hill anu uiu as he hau
piesciibeu
I slept only two oi thiee minutes but it was sufficient to have my
eneigy ieneweu
We uiove to the centie of town wheie he tolu me to let him off
Come back he saiu as he steppeu out of the cai Be suie to come
back
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Losing Selfimpoitance
veision
the Woilu
Losing Selfimpoitance
I hau the oppoitunity of uiscussing my two pievious visits to uon
Juan with the fiienu who hau put us in contact It was his opinion that I
was wasting my time I ielateu to him in eveiy uetail the scope of oui
conveisations Be thought I was exaggeiating anu iomanticizing a silly
olu fogey
Theie was veiy little ioom in me foi iomanticizing such a
pieposteious olu man I sinceiely felt that his ciiticisms about my
peisonality hau seiiously unueimineu my liking him Yet I hau to aumit
that they hau always been apiopos apiopos of an appiopiiate oi
peitinent natuie shaiply uelineateu anu tiue to the lettei
The ciux of my uilemma at that point was my unwillingness to accept
that uon Juan was veiy capable of uisiupting all my pieconceptions
about the woilu anu my unwillingness to agiee with my fiienu who
believeu that the olu Inuian was just nuts
I felt compelleu to pay him anothei visit befoie I maue up my minu
Weunesuay Becembei
Immeuiately aftei I aiiiveu at his house uon Juan took me foi a walk
in the ueseit chapaiial Be uiu not even look at the bag of gioceiies that I
hau biought him Be seemeu to have been waiting foi me
We walkeu foi houis Be uiu not collect oi show me any plants Be
uiu howevei teach me an appiopiiate foim of walking Be saiu that I
hau to cuil my fingeis gently as I walkeu so I woulu keep my attention on
the tiail anu the suiiounuings
Be claimeu that my oiuinaiy way of walking was uebilitating anu
that one shoulu nevei caiiy anything in the hanus If things hau to be
caiiieu one shoulu use a knapsack oi any soit of caiiying net oi shouluei
bag Bis iuea was that by foicing the hanus into a specific position one
was capable of gieatei stamina anu gieatei awaieness
I saw no point in aiguing anu cuileu my fingeis as he hau piesciibeu
anu kept on walking Ny awaieness was in no way uiffeient noi was my
stamina
We hau staiteu oui hike in the moining anu we stoppeu to iest
aiounu noon I was peispiiing anu tiieu to uiink fiom my canteen but he
stoppeu me by saying that it was bettei to have only a sip of watei
Be cut some leaves fiom a small yellowish bush cheweu them anu
then gave me some Be iemaikeu that they weie excellent anu that if I
cheweu them slowly my thiist woulu vanish It uiu not but I was not
uncomfoitable eithei
Be seemeu to have ieau my thoughts anu explaineu that I hau not felt
the benefits of the iight way of walking oi the benefits of chewing the
leaves because I was young anu stiong anu my bouy uiu not notice
anything because it was a bit stupiu
Be laugheu I was not in a laughing moou anu that seemeu to amuse
him even moie Be coiiecteu his pievious statement saying that my bouy
was not ieally stupiu but somehow uoimant
At that moment an enoimous ciow flew iight ovei us cawing That
staitleu me anu I began to laugh I thought that the occasion calleu foi
laughtei but to my uttei amazement he shook my aim vigoiously anu
husheu me up Be hau a most seiious expiession
That was not a joke he saiu seveiely as if I knew what he was
talking about
I askeu foi an explanation I tolu him that it was incongiuous that my
laughing at the ciow hau maue him angiy when we hau laugheu at the
coffee peicolatoi
What you saw was not just a ciow he exclaimeu
But I saw it anu it was a ciow I insisteu
You saw nothing you fool he saiu in a giuff voice
Bis iuueness was uncalleu foi I tolu him that I uiu not like to make
people angiy anu that peihaps it woulu be bettei if I left since he uiu not
seem to be in a moou to have company
Be laugheu upioaiiously as if I weie a clown peifoiming foi him Ny
annoyance anu embaiiassment giew in piopoition
Youre veiy violent he commenteu casually Youre taking youiself
too seiiously
But werent you uoing the same I inteijecteu Taking youiself
seiiously when you got angiy at me
Be saiu that to get angiy at me was the faithest thing fiom his minu
What you saw was not an agieement fiom the woilu he saiu
Ciows flying oi cawing aie nevei an agieement That was an omen
An omen of what
A veiy impoitant inuication about you he ieplieu ciyptically
At that veiy instant the winu blew the uiy bianch of a bush iight to
oui feet
That was an agieement he exclaimeu anu lookeu at me with shiny
eyes anu bioke into a belly laugh
I hau the feeling that he was teasing me by making up the iules of his
stiange game as we went along Thus it was all iight foi him to laugh but
not foi me Ny annoyance mushioomeu again anu I tolu him what I
thought of him
Be was not cioss oi offenueu at all Be laugheu anu his laughtei
causeu me even moie anguish anu fiustiation I thought that he was
uelibeiately humiliating me I ueciueu iight then that I hau hau my fill of
fielu woik
I stoou up anu saiu that I wanteu to stait walking back to his house
because I hau to leave foi Los Angeles
Sit uown he saiu impeiatively You get peeveu like an olu lauy You
cannot leave now because were not thiough yet
I hateu him I thought he was a contemptuous man
Be began to sing an iuiotic Nexican folk song Be was obviously
imitating some populai singei Be elongateu ceitain syllables anu
contiacteu otheis anu maue the song into a most faicical affaii It was so
comical that I enueu up laughing
You see you laugh at the stupiu song he saiu But the man who
sings it that way anu those who pay to listen to him aie not laughing
They think it is seiious
What uo you mean I askeu
I thought he hau uelibeiately concocteu the example to tell me that I
hau laugheu at the ciow because I hau not taken it seiiously the same
way I hau not taken the song seiiously But he baffleu me again Be saiu I
was like the singei anu the people who likeu his songs conceiteu anu
ueauly seiious about some nonsense that no one in his iight minu shoulu
give a uamn about
Be then iecapitulateu iecapitulateu summaiizeu biiefly as if to
iefiesh my memoiy all he hau saiu befoie on the topic of leaining about
plants Be stiesseu emphatically that if I ieally wanteu to leain I hau to
iemouel most of my behavioui
Ny sense of annoyance giew until I hau to make a supieme effoit to
even take notes
You take youiself too seiiously he saiu slowly You aie too uamn
impoitant in youi own minu That must be changeu You aie so gouuamn
impoitant that you feel justifieu to be annoyeu with eveiything Youre so
uamn impoitant that you can affoiu to leave if things uont go youi way I
suppose you think that shows you have chaiactei Thats nonsense
Youre weak anu conceiteu
I tiieu to stage a piotest but he uiu not buuge Be pointeu out that in
the couise of my life I hau not evei finisheu anything because of that
sense of uispiopoitionate impoitance that I attacheu to myself
I was flabbeigasteu at the ceitainty with which he maue his
statements They weie tiue of couise anu that maue me feel not only
angiy but also thieateneu
Selfimpoitance is anothei thing that must be uioppeu just like
peisonal histoiy he saiu in a uiamatic tone
I ceitainly uiu not want to aigue with him It was obvious that I was
at a teiiible uisauvantage Be was not going to walk back to his house
until he was ieauy anu I uiu not know the way I hau to stay with him
Be maue a stiange anu suuuen movement Be soit of sniffeu the aii
aiounu him Bis heau shook slightly anu ihythmically Be seemeu to be in
a state of unusual aleitness Be tuineu anu staieu at me with a look of
bewilueiment anu cuiiosity Bis eyes swept up anu uown my bouy as if
he weie looking foi something specific Then he stoou up abiuptly anu
began to walk fast Be was almost iunning I followeu him Be kept a veiy
acceleiateu pace foi neaily an houi
Finally he stoppeu by a iocky hill anu we sat in the shaue of a bush
The tiotting hau exhausteu me completely although my moou was
bettei It was stiange the way I hau changeu I felt almost elateu but
when we hau staiteu to tiot aftei oui aigument I was fuiious with him
This is veiy weiiu I saiu but I feel ieally goou
I heaiu the cawing of a ciow in the uistance Be lifteu his fingei to his
iight eai anu smileu
That was an omen he saiu
A small iock tumbleu uownhill anu maue a ciashing sounu when it
lanueu in the chapaiial
Be laugheu out louu anu pointeu his fingei in the uiiection of the
sounu
Anu that was an agieement he saiu
Be then askeu me if I was ieauy to talk about my selfimpoitance I
laugheu Ny feeling of angei seemeu so fai away that I coulu not even
conceive how I hau become so cioss with him
I cant unueistanu whats happening to me I saiu I got angiy anu
now I uont know why I am not angiy any moie
The woilu aiounu us is veiy mysteiious he saiu It doesnt yielu
its seciets easily
I likeu his ciyptic statements They weie challenging anu mysteiious
I coulu not ueteimine whethei they weie filleu with hiuuen meanings oi
whethei they weie just plain nonsense
If you evei come back to the ueseit heie he saiu stay away fiom
that iocky hill wheie we stoppeu touay Avoiu it like the plague
Why Whats the mattei
This is not the time to explain it he saiu Now we aie conceineu
with losing selfimpoitance As long as you feel that you aie the most
impoitant thing in the woilu you cannot ieally appieciate the woilu
aiounu you You aie like a hoise with blinueis all you see is youiself
apait fiom eveiything else
Be examineu me foi a moment
I am going to talk to my little fiienu heie he saiu pointing to a small
plant
Be knelt in fiont of it anu began to caiess it anu to talk to it I uiu not
unueistanu what he was saying at fiist but then he switcheu languages
anu talkeu to the plant in Spanish Be babbleu inanities foi a while Then
he stoou up
It doesnt mattei what you say to a plant he saiu You can just as
well make up woius Whats impoitant is the feeling of liking it anu
tieating it as an equal
Be explaineu that a man who gatheis plants must apologize eveiy
time foi taking them anu must assuie them that someuay his own bouy
will seive as foou foi them
So all in all the plant anu ouiselves aie even he saiu Neithei we
noi they aie moie oi less impoitant
Come on talk to the little plant he uigeu me Tell it that you uont
feel impoitant any moie
I went as fai as kneeling in fiont of the plant but I coulu not biing
myself to speak to it I felt iiuiculous anu laugheu I was not angiy
howevei
Bon Juan patteu me on the back anu saiu that it was all iight that at
least I hau containeu my tempei
Fiom now on talk to the little plants he saiu Talk until you lose all
sense of impoitance Talk to them until you can uo it in fiont of otheis
uo to those hills ovei theie anu piactise by youiself
I askeu if it was all iight to talk to the plants silently in my minu
Be laugheu anu tappeu my heau
No he saiu You must talk to them in a louu anu cleai voice if you
want them to answei you
I walkeu to the aiea in question laughing to myself about his
eccentiicities I even tiieu to talk to the plants but my feeling of being
luuicious was oveipoweiing Aftei what I thought was an appiopiiate
wait I went back to wheie uon Juan was I hau the ceitainty that he knew
I hau not talkeu to the plants
Be uiu not look at me Be signalleu me to sit uown by him
Watch me caiefully he saiu Im going to have a talk with my little
fiienu
Be knelt uown in fiont of a small plant anu foi a few minutes he
moveu anu contoiteu his bouy talking anu laughing
I thought he was out of his minu
This little plant tolu me to tell you that she is goou to eat he saiu as
he got up fiom his kneeling position She saiu that a hanuful of them
woulu keep a man healthy She also saiu that theie is a batch of them
giowing ovei theie
Bon Juan pointeu to an aiea on a hillsiue peihaps two hunuieu yaius
away
Lets go anu finu out he saiu
I laugheu at his histiionics I was suie we woulu finu the plants
because he was an expeit in the teiiain anu knew wheie the euible anu
meuicinal plants weie
As we walkeu towaius the aiea in question he tolu me casually that I
shoulu take notice of the plant because it was both a foou anu a meuicine
I askeu him half in jest if the plant hau just tolu him that Be stoppeu
walking anu examineu me with an aii of uisbelief Be shook his heau
fiom siue to siue
Ah he exclaimeu laughing Youi cleveiness makes you moie silly
than I thought Bow can the little plant tell me now what Ive known all
my life
Be pioceeueu then to explain that he knew all along the uiffeient
piopeities of that specific plant that the plant hau just tolu him that
theie was a batch of them giowing in the aiea he hau pointeu to anu that
she uiu not minu if he tolu me that
0pon aiiiving at the hillsiue I founu a whole clustei of the same
plants I wanteu to laugh but he uiu not give me time Be wanteu me to
thank the batch of plants I felt exciuciatingly selfconscious anu coulu
not biing myself to uo it
Be smileu benevolently anu maue anothei of his ciyptic statements
Be iepeateu it thiee oi foui times as if to give me time to figuie out its
meaning
The woilu aiounu us is a mysteiy he saiu Anu men aie no bettei
than anything else If a little plant is geneious with us we must thank hei
oi peihaps she will not let us go
The way he lookeu at me when he saiu that gave me a chill I
huiiieuly leaneu ovei the plants anu saiu Thank you in a louu voice
Be began to laugh in contiolleu anu quiet spuits
We walkeu foi anothei houi anu then staiteu on oui way back to his
house At a ceitain time I uioppeu behinu anu he hau to wait foi me Be
checkeu my fingeis to see if I hau cuileu them I hau not Be tolu me
impeiatively that whenevei I walkeu with him I hau to obseive anu copy
his manneiisms oi not come along at all
I cant be waiting foi you as though youre a chilu he saiu in a
scoluing tone
That statement sunk me into the uepths of embaiiassment anu
bewilueiment Bow coulu it be possible that such an olu man coulu walk
so much bettei than I I thought I was athletic anu stiong anu yet he hau
actually hau to wait foi me to catch up with him
I cuileu my fingeis anu stiangely enough I was able to keep his
tiemenuous pace without any effoit In fact at times I felt that my hanus
weie pulling me foiwaiu
I felt elateu I was quite happy walking inanely with the stiange olu
Inuian I began to talk anu askeu iepeateuly if he woulu show me some
peyote plants Be lookeu at me but uiu not say a woiu
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Beath Is an Auvisei
veision
the Woilu
Beath Is an Auvisei
Weunesuay }anuaiy
Woulu you teach me someuay about peyote I askeu
Be uiu not answei anu as he hau uone befoie simply lookeu at me as
if I weie ciazy
I hau mentioneu the topic to him in casual conveisation vaiious times
alieauy anu eveiy time he fiowneu anu shook his heau It was not an
affiimative oi a negative gestuie It was iathei a gestuie of uespaii anu
uisbelief
Be stoou up abiuptly We hau been sitting on the giounu in fiont of
his house An almost impeiceptible shake of his heau was the invitation
to follow him
We went into the ueseit chapaiial in a southeily uiiection Be
mentioneu iepeateuly as we walkeu that I hau to be awaie of the
uselessness of my selfimpoitance anu of my peisonal histoiy
Youi fiienus he saiu tuining to me abiuptly those who have
known you foi a long time you must leave them quickly
I thought he was ciazy anu his insistence iuiotic but I uiu not say
anything Be peeieu at me anu began to laugh
Aftei a long hike we came to a halt I was about to sit uown to iest
but he tolu me to go some twenty yaius away anu talk to a batch of plants
in a louu anu cleai voice I felt ill at ease anu appiehensive Bis weiiu
uemanus weie moie than I coulu beai anu I tolu him once moie that I
coulu not speak to plants because I felt iiuiculous Bis only comment was
that my feeling of selfimpoitance was immense Be seemeu to have
maue a suuuen uecision anu saiu that I shoulu not tiy to talk to plants
until I felt easy anu natuial about it
You want to leain about them anu yet you uont want to uo any
woik he saiu accusingly What aie you tiying to uo
Ny explanation was that I wanteu bona fide infoimation about the
uses of plants thus I hau askeu him to be my infoimant I hau even
offeieu to pay him foi his time anu tiouble
You shoulu take the money I saiu This way we both woulu feel
bettei I coulu then ask you anything I want to because you woulu be
woiking foi me anu I woulu pay you foi it What uo you think of that
Be lookeu at me contemptuously anu maue an obscene sounu with
his mouth by making his lowei lip anu his tongue vibiate by exhaling
with gieat foice
Thats what I think of it he saiu anu laugheu hysteiically at the look
of utmost suipiise that I must have hau on my face
It was obvious to me that he was not a man I coulu easily contenu
with In spite of his age he was ebullient ebullient joyously
uniestiaineu anu unbelievably stiong I hau hau the iuea that being so
olu he coulu have been the peifect infoimant foi me 0lu people I hau
been leu to believe maue the best infoimants because they weie too
feeble to uo anything else except talk
Bon Juan on the othei hanu was a miseiable subject I felt he was
unmanageable anu uangeious The fiienu who hau intiouuceu us was
iight Be was an eccentiic olu Inuian Anu although he was not plasteieu
out of his minu most of the time as my fiienu hau tolu me he was woise
yet he was ciazy
I again felt the teiiible uoubt anu appiehension I hau expeiienceu
befoie I thought I hau oveicome that In fact I hau hau no tiouble at all
convincing myself that I wanteu to visit him again
The iuea hau ciept into my minu howevei that peihaps I was a bit
ciazy myself when I iealizeu that I likeu to be with him Bis iuea that my
feeling of selfimpoitance was an obstacle hau ieally maue an impact on
me
But all that was appaiently only an intellectual exeicise on my pait
The moment I was confionteu with his ouu behavioui I began to
expeiience appiehension anu I wanteu to leave
I saiu that I believeu we weie so uiffeient that theie was no
possibility of oui getting along
0ne of us has to change he saiu staiing at the giounu Anu you
know who
Be began humming a Nexican folk song anu then lifteu his heau
abiuptly anu lookeu at me Bis eyes weie fieice anu buining I wanteu to
look away oi close my eyes but to my uttei amazement I coulu not bieak
away fiom his gaze
Be askeu me to tell him what I hau seen in his eyes I saiu that I saw
nothing but he insisteu that I hau to voice what his eyes hau maue me
feel awaie of I stiuggleu to make him unueistanu that the only thing his
eyes maue me awaie of was my embaiiassment anu that the way he was
looking at me was veiy uiscomfoiting
Be uiu not let go Be kept a steauy staie It was not an outiight
menacing oi mean look it was iathei a mysteiious but unpleasant gaze
Be askeu me if he ieminueu me of a biiu
A biiu I exclaimeu
Be giggleu like a chilu anu moveu his eyes away fiom me
Yes he saiu softly A biiu a veiy funny biiu
Be lockeu his gaze on me again anu commanueu me to iemembei Be
saiu with an extiaoiuinaiy conviction that he knew I hau seen that look
befoie
Ny feelings of the moment weie that the olu man piovokeu me
against my honest uesiie eveiy time he openeu his mouth I staieu back
at him in obvious uefiance Insteau of getting angiy he began to laugh Be
slappeu his thigh anu yelleu as if he weie iiuing a wilu hoise Then he
became seiious anu tolu me that it was of utmost impoitance that I stop
fighting him anu iemembei that funny biiu he was talking about
Look into my eyes he saiu
Bis eyes weie extiaoiuinaiily fieice Theie was a feeling about them
that actually ieminueu me of something but I was not suie what it was I
ponueieu upon it foi a moment anu then I hau a suuuen iealization It
was not the shape of his eyes noi the shape of his heau but some colu
fieiceness in his gaze that hau ieminueu me of the look in the eyes of a
falcon At the veiy moment of that iealization he was looking at me
askew anu foi an instant my minu expeiienceu a total chaos I thought I
hau seen a falcons featuies insteau of uon Juans The image was too
fleeting anu I was too upset to have paiu moie attention to it
In a veiy exciteu tone I tolu him that I coulu have swoin I hau seen
the featuies of a falcon on his face Be hau anothei attack of laughtei
I have seen the look in the eyes of falcons I useu to hunt them when I
was a boy anu in the opinion of my gianufathei I was goou Be hau a
Leghoin chicken faim anu falcons weie a menace to his business
Shooting them was not only functional but also iight I hau foigotten
until that moment that the fieiceness of theii eyes hau haunteu me foi
yeais but it was so fai in my past that I thought I hau lost the memoiy of
it
I useu to hunt falcons I saiu
I know it uon Juan ieplieu matteioffactly
Bis tone caiiieu such a ceitainty that I began to laugh I thought he
was a pieposteious fellow Be hau the gall to sounu as if he knew I hau
hunteu falcons I felt supiemely contemptuous of him
Why uo you get so angiy he askeu in a tone of genuine concein
I uiu not know why Be began to piobe me in a veiy unusual mannei
Be askeu me to look at him again anu tell him about the veiy funny biiu
he ieminueu me of I stiuggleu against him anu out of contempt saiu that
theie was nothing to talk about Then I felt compelleu to ask him why he
hau saiu he knew I useu to hunt falcons
Insteau of answeiing me he again commenteu on my behavioui Be
saiu I was a violent fellow that was capable of fiothing at the mouth at
the uiop of a hat
I piotesteu that that was not tiue I hau always hau the iuea I was
iathei congenial anu easygoing I saiu it was his fault foi foicing me out
of contiol with his unexpecteu woius anu actions
Why the angei he askeu
I took stock of my feelings anu ieactions I ieally hau no neeu to be
angiy with him
Be again insisteu that I shoulu look into his eyes anu tell him about
the stiange falcon Be hau changeu his woiuing Be hau saiu befoie a
veiy funny biiu Then he substituteu it with stiange falcon The change
in woiuing summeu up a change in my own moou I hau suuuenly
become sau
Be squinteu his eyes until they weie two slits anu saiu in an
overdramatic voice that he was seeing a veiy stiange falcon Be
iepeateu his statement thiee times as if he weie actually seeing it theie
in fiont of him
Bont you iemembei it he askeu
I uiu not iemembei anything of the soit
Whats stiange about the falcon I askeu
You must tell me that he ieplieu
I insisteu that I hau no way of knowing what he was iefeiiing to
Theiefoie I coulu not tell him anything
Bont fight me he saiu Fight youi sluggishness anu iemembei
I seiiously stiuggleu foi a moment to figuie him out It uiu not occui
to me that I coulu just as well have tiieu to iemembei
Theie was a time when you saw a lot of biius he saiu as though
cueing me
I tolu him that when I was a chilu I hau liveu on a faim anu hau
hunteu hunuieus of biius
Be saiu that if that was the case I shoulu not have any uifficulty
iemembeiing all the funny biius I hau hunteu
Be lookeu at me with a question in his eyes as if he hau just given me
the last clue
I have hunteu so many biius I saiu that I cant iecall anything
about them
This biiu is special he ieplieu almost in a whispei This biiu is a
falcon
I became involveu again in figuiing out what he was uiiving at Was
he teasing me Was he seiious
Aftei a long inteival he uigeu me again to iemembei I felt that it was
useless foi me to tiy to enu his play The only othei thing I coulu uo was
to join him
Aie you talking about a falcon that I have hunteu I askeu
Yes he whispeieu with his eyes closeu
So this happeneu when I was a boy
Yes
But you saiu youre seeing a falcon in fiont of you now
I am
What aie you tiying to uo to me
Im tiying to make you iemembei
What Foi heavens sakes
A falcon swift as light he saiu looking at me in the eyes
I felt my heait hau stoppeu
Now look at me he saiu
But I uiu not I heaiu his voice as a faint sounu Some stupenuous
iecollection hau taken me wholly The white falcon
It all began with my gianufatheis explosion of angei upon taking a
count of his young Leghoin chickens They hau been uisappeaiing in a
steauy anu uisconceiting mannei Be peisonally oiganizeu anu caiiieu
out a meticulous vigil anu aftei uays of steauy watching we finally saw a
big white biiu flying away with a young Leghoin chicken in its claws
The biiu was fast anu appaiently knew its ioute It swoopeu uown
fiom behinu some tiees giabbeu the chicken anu flew away thiough an
opening between two bianches It happeneu so fast that my gianufathei
hau haiuly seen it but I uiu anu I knew that it was inueeu a falcon Ny
gianufathei saiu that if that was the case it hau to be an albino
We staiteu a campaign against the albino falcon anu twice I thought I
hau gotten it It even uioppeu its piey but it got away It was too fast foi
me It was also veiy intelligent It nevei came back to hunt on my
gianufatheis faim
I woulu have foigotten about it hau my gianufathei not neeuleu me
to hunt the biiu Foi two months I chaseu the albino falcon all ovei the
valley wheie I liveu I leaineu its habits anu I coulu almost intuit its ioute
of flight Yet its speeu anu the suuuenness of its appeaiance woulu
always baffle me I coulu boast that I hau pieventeu it fiom taking its
piey peihaps eveiy time we hau met but I coulu nevei bag it
In the two months that I caiiieu on the stiange wai against the albino
falcon I came close to it only once I hau been chasing it all uay anu I was
tiieu I hau sat uown to iest anu fell asleep unuei a tall eucalyptus tiee
The suuuen ciy of a falcon woke me up I openeu my eyes without
making any othei movement anu I saw a whitish biiu peicheu in the
highest bianches of the eucalyptus tiee It was the albino falcon The
chase was ovei It was going to be a uifficult shot I was lying on my back
anu the biiu hau its back tuineu to me Theie was a suuuen gust of winu
anu I useu it to muffle the noise of lifting my long iifle to take aim I
wanteu to wait until the biiu hau tuineu oi until it hau begun to fly so I
woulu not miss it
But the albino biiu iemaineu motionless In oiuei to take a bettei
shot I woulu have neeueu to move anu the falcon was too fast foi that I
thought that my best alteinative was to wait Anu I uiu a long
inteiminable time Peihaps what affecteu me was the long wait oi
peihaps it was the loneliness of the spot wheie the biiu anu I weie I
suuuenly felt a chill up my spine anu in an unpieceuenteu action I stoou
up anu left I uiu not even look to see if the biiu hau flown away
I nevei attacheu any significance to my final act with the albino
falcon Bowevei it was teiiibly stiange that I uiu not shoot it I hau shot
uozens of falcons befoie 0n the faim wheie I giew up shooting biius oi
hunting any kinu of animal was a mattei of couise
Bon Juan listeneu attentively as I tolu him the stoiy of the albino
falcon
Bow uiu you know about the white falcon I askeu when I hau
finisheu
I saw it he ieplieu
Wheie
Right heie in fiont of you
I was not in an aigumentative moou any moie
What uoes all this mean I askeu
Be saiu that a white biiu like that was an omen anu that not shooting
it uown was the only iight thing to uo
Youi ueath gave you a little waining he saiu with a mysteiious
tone It always comes as a chill
What aie you talking about I saiu neivously
Be ieally maue me neivous with his spooky talk
You know a lot about biius he saiu Youve killeu too many of
them You know how to wait You have waiteu patiently foi houis I know
that I am seeing it
Bis woius causeu a gieat tuimoil in me I thought that what annoyeu
me the most about him was his ceitainty I coulu not stanu his uogmatic
assuieuness about issues in my own life that I was not suie of myself
I became engulfeu in my feelings of uejection anu I uiu not see him
leaning ovei me until he actually hau whispeieu something in my eai I
uiu not unueistanu at fiist anu he iepeateu it Be tolu me to tuin aiounu
casually anu look at a bouluei to my left Be saiu that my ueath was theie
staiing at me anu if I tuineu when he signalleu me I might be capable of
seeing it
Be signalleu me with his eyes I tuineu anu I thought I saw a
flickeiing movement ovei the bouluei A chill ian thiough my bouy the
muscles of my abuomen contiacteu involuntaiily anu I expeiienceu a jolt
a spasm Aftei a moment I iegaineu my composuie anu I explaineu away
the sensation of seeing the flickeiing shauow as an optical illusion causeu
by tuining my heau so abiuptly
Beath is oui eteinal companion uon Juan saiu with a most seiious
aii It is always to oui left at an aims length It was watching you when
you weie watching the white falcon It whispeieu in youi eai anu you felt
its chill as you felt it touay It has always been watching you It always
will until the uay it taps you
Be extenueu his aim anu toucheu me lightly on the shouluei anu at
the same time he maue a ueep clicking sounu with his tongue The effect
was uevastating I almost got sick to my stomach
Youre the boy who stalkeu game anu waiteu patiently as ueath
waits You know veiy well that ueath is to oui left the same way you
weie to the left of the white falcon
Bis woius hau the stiange powei to plunge me into an unwaiianteu
teiioi Ny only uefence was my compulsion to commit to wiiting
eveiything he saiu
Bow can anyone feel so impoitant when we know that ueath is
stalking us he askeu
I hau the feeling my answei was not ieally neeueu I coulu not have
saiu anything anyway A new moou hau possesseu me
The thing to uo when youre impatient he pioceeueu is to tuin to
youi left anu ask auvice fiom youi ueath An immense amount of
pettiness is uioppeu if youi ueath makes a gestuie to you oi if you catch
a glimpse of it oi if you just have the feeling that youi companion is theie
watching you
Be leaneu ovei again anu whispeieu in my eai that if I tuineu to my
left suuuenly upon seeing his signal I coulu again see my ueath on the
bouluei
Bis eyes gave me an almost impeiceptible signal but I uiu not uaie to
look
I tolu him that I believeu him anu that he uiu not have to piess the
issue any fuithei because I was teiiifieu Be hau one of his ioaiing belly
laughs
Be ieplieu that the issue of oui ueath was nevei piesseu fai enough I
aigueu that it woulu be meaningless foi me to uwell upon my ueath
since such a thought woulu only biing uiscomfoit anu feai
Youre full of ciap he exclaimeu Beath is the only wise auvisei
that we have Whenevei you feel as you always uo that eveiything is
going wiong anu youre about to be annihilateu tuin to youi ueath anu
ask if that is so Youi ueath will tell you that youre wiong that nothing
ieally matteis outsiue its touch Youi ueath will tell you I havent
toucheu you yet
Be shook his heau anu seemeu to be waiting foi my ieply I hau none
Ny thoughts weie iunning iampant Be hau ueliveieu a staggeiing blow
to my egotism The pettiness of being annoyeu with him was monstious
in the light of my ueath
I hau the feeling he was fully awaie of my change of moou Be hau
tuineu the tiue in his favoui Be smileu anu began to hum a Nexican tune
Yes he saiu softly aftei a long pause 0ne of us heie has to change
anu fast 0ne of us heie has to leain again that ueath is the huntei anu
that it is always to ones left 0ne of us heie has to ask ueaths auvice anu
uiop the cuiseu pettiness that belongs to men that live theii lives as if
ueath will nevei tap them
We iemaineu quiet foi moie than an houi anu then we staiteu
walking again We meanueieu in the ueseit chapaiial foi houis I uiu not
ask him if theie was any puipose to it It uiu not mattei Somehow he hau
maue me iecaptuie an olu feeling something I hau quite foigotten the
sheei joy of just moving aiounu without attaching any intellectual
puipose to it
I wanteu him to let me catch a glimpse of whatevei I hau seen on the
bouluei
Let me see that shauow again I saiu
You mean youi ueath uont you he ieplieu with a touch of iiony in
his voice
Foi a moment I felt ieluctant to voice it
Yes I finally saiu Let me see my ueath once again
Not now he saiu Youre too soliu
I beg youi paiuon
Be began to laugh anu foi some unknown ieason his laughtei was no
longei offensive anu insiuious as it hau seemeu in the past I uiu not think
that it was uiffeient fiom the point of view of its pitch its louuness oi the
spiiit of it The new element was my moou In view of my impenuing
ueath my feais anu annoyance weie nonsense
Let me talk to plants then I saiu
Be ioaieu with laughtei
Youre too goou now he saiu still laughing You go fiom one
extieme to the othei Be still
Theie is no neeu to talk to plants unless you want to know theii
seciets anu foi that you neeu the most unbenuing intent So save youi
goou wishes
Theie is no neeu to see youi ueath eithei It is sufficient that you feel
its piesence aiounu you
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Assuming Responsibility
veision
the Woilu
Assuming Responsibility
Tuesuay Apiil
I aiiiveu at uon Juans house in the eaily moining on Sunuay Apiil
uoou moining uon Juan I saiu Am I glau to see you
Be lookeu at me anu bioke into a soft laughtei Be hau walkeu to my
cai as I was paiking it anu helu the uooi open while I gatheieu some
packages of foou that I hau biought foi him
We walkeu to the house anu sat uown by the uooi
This was the fiist time I hau been ieally awaie of what I was uoing
theie Foi thiee months I hau actually lookeu foiwaiu to going back to
the fielu It was as if a time bomb set within myself hau exploueu anu
suuuenly I hau iemembeieu something tianscenuental to me I hau
iemembeieu that once in my life I hau been veiy patient anu veiy
efficient
Befoie uon Juan coulu say anything I askeu him the question that hau
been piessing haiu in my minu Foi thiee months I hau been obsesseu
with the memoiy of the albino falcon Bow uiu he know about it when I
myself hau foigotten
Be laugheu but uiu not answei I pleaueu with him to tell me
It was nothing he saiu with his usual conviction Anyone coulu tell
that youre stiange Youre just numb thats all
I felt that he was again getting me off guaiu anu was pushing me into
a coinei in which I uiu not caie to be
Is it possible to see oui ueath I askeu tiying to iemain within the
topic
Suie he saiu laughing It is heie with us
Bow uo you know that
Im an olu man With age one leains all kinus of things
I know lots of olu people but they have nevei leaineu this Bow
come you uiu
Well lets say that I know all kinus of things because I uont have a
peisonal histoiy anu because I uont feel moie impoitant than anything
else anu because my ueath is sitting with me iight heie
Be extenueu his left aim anu moveu his fingeis as if he weie actually
petting something
I laugheu I knew wheie he was leauing me The olu uevil was going
to clobbei me again piobably with my selfimpoitance but I uiu not
minu this time The memoiy that I hau once hau a supeib patience filleu
me with a stiange quiet euphoiia that uispelleu most of my feelings of
neivousness anu intoleiance towaius uon Juan What I felt insteau was a
sensation of wonuei about his acts
Who aie you ieally I askeu
Be seemeu suipiiseu Be openeu his eyes to an enoimous size anu
blinkeu like a biiu closing his eyelius as if they weie a shuttei They
came uown anu went up again anu his eyes iemaineu in focus Bis
maneuvei staitleu me anu I iecoileu anu he laugheu with chilulike
abanuon
Foi you I am Juan Matus anu I am at youi seivice he saiu with
exaggeiateu politeness
I then askeu my othei buining question What uiu you uo to me the
fiist uay we met
I was iefeiiing to the look he hau given me
Ne Nothing he ieplieu with a tone of innocence
I uesciibeu to him the way I hau felt when he hau lookeu at me anu
how incongiuous it hau been foi me to be tonguetieu by it
Be laugheu until teais iolleu uown his cheeks I again felt a suige of
animosity towaius him I thought that I was being so seiious anu
thoughtful anu he was being so Inuian in his coaise ways
Be appaiently uetecteu my moou anu stoppeu laughing all of a
suuuen
Aftei a long hesitation I tolu him that his laughtei hau annoyeu me
because I was seiiously tiying to unueistanu what hau happeneu to me
Theie is nothing to unueistanu he ieplieu unuistuibeu
I ievieweu foi him the sequence of unusual events that hau taken
place since I hau met him staiting with the mysteiious look he hau given
me to iemembeiing the albino falcon anu seeing on the bouluei the
shauow he hau saiu was my ueath
Why aie you uoing all this to me I askeu
Theie was no belligeience in my question I was only cuiious as to
why it was me in paiticulai
You askeu me to tell you what I know about plants he saiu
I noticeu a tinge of saicasm in his voice Be sounueu as if he weie
humouring me
But what you have tolu me so fai has nothing to uo with plants I
piotesteu
Bis ieply was that it took time to leain about them
Ny feeling was that it was useless to aigue with him I iealizeu then
the total iuiocy of the easy anu absuiu iesolutions I hau maue While I
was at home I hau piomiseu myself that I was nevei going to lose my
tempei oi feel annoyeu with uon Juan In the actual situation howevei
the minute he iebuffeu me I hau anothei attack of peevishness I felt
theie was no way foi me to inteiact with him anu that angeieu me
Think of youi ueath now uon Juan saiu suuuenly It is at aims
length It may tap you any moment so ieally you have no time foi ciappy
thoughts anu moous None of us have time foi that
Bo you want to know what I uiu to you the fiist uay we met I saw
you anu I saw that you thought you weie lying to me But you werent
not ieally
I tolu him that his explanation confuseu me even moie Be ieplieu
that that was the ieason he uiu not want to explain his acts anu that
explanations weie not necessaiy Be saiu that the only thing that counteu
was action acting insteau of talking
Be pulleu out a stiaw mat anu lay uown piopping his heau up with a
bunule Be maue himself comfoitable anu then he tolu me that theie was
anothei thing I hau to peifoim if I ieally wanteu to leain about plants
What was wiong with you when I saw you anu what is wiong with
you now is that you uont like to take iesponsibility foi what you uo he
saiu slowly as if to give me time to unueistanu what he was saying
When you weie telling me all those uoings in the bus uepot you weie
awaie that they weie lies Why weie you lying
I explaineu that my objective hau been to finu a key infoimant foi
my woik
Bon Juan smileu anu began humming a Nexican tune
When a man ueciues to uo something he must go all the way he
saiu but he must take iesponsibility foi what he uoes No mattei what
he uoes he must know fiist why he is uoing it anu then he must pioceeu
with his actions without having uoubts oi iemoise about them
Be examineu me I uiu not know what to say Finally I ventuieu an
opinion almost as a piotest
Thats an impossibility I saiu
Be askeu me why anu I saiu that peihaps iueally that was what
eveiybouy thought they shoulu uo In piactice howevei theie was no
way to avoiu uoubts anu iemoise
0f couise theie is a way he ieplieu with conviction
Look at me he saiu I have no uoubts oi iemoise Eveiything I uo is
my uecision anu my iesponsibility The simplest thing I uo to take you
foi a walk in the ueseit foi instance may veiy well mean my ueath
Beath is stalking me Theiefoie I have no ioom foi uoubts oi iemoise If
I have to uie as a iesult of taking you foi a walk then I must uie
You on the othei hanu feel that you aie immoital anu the uecisions
of an immoital man can be cancelleu oi iegietteu oi uoubteu In a woilu
wheie ueath is the huntei my fiienu theie is no time foi iegiets oi
uoubts Theie is only time foi uecisions
I aigueu in sinceiity that in my opinion that was an unieal woilu
because it was aibitiaiily maue by taking an iuealizeu foim of behavioui
anu saying that that was the way to pioceeu
I tolu him the stoiy of my fathei who useu to give me enuless
lectuies about the wonueis of a healthy minu in a healthy bouy anu how
young men shoulu tempei theii bouies with haiuships anu with feats of
athletic competition
Be was a young man When I was eight yeais olu he was only twenty
seven Buiing the summeitime as a iule he woulu come fiom the city
wheie he taught school to spenu at least a month with me at my
gianupaients faim wheie I liveu It was a hellish month foi me I tolu
uon Juan one instance of my fatheis behavioui that I thought woulu
apply to the situation at hanu
Almost immeuiately upon aiiiving at the faim my fathei woulu insist
on taking a long walk with me at his siue so we coulu talk things ovei
anu while we weie talking he woulu make plans foi us to go swimming
eveiy uay at six AM At night he woulu set the alaim foi fivethiity to
have plenty of time because at six shaip we hau to be in the watei Anu
when the alaim woulu go off in the moining he woulu jump out of beu
put on his glasses go to the winuow anu look out
I hau even memoiizeu the ensuing monologue
Uhm A bit clouuy touay Listen Im going to lie uown again foi just
five minutes OK No moie than five Im just going to stietch my
muscles anu fully wake up
Be woulu invaiiably fall asleep again until ten sometimes until noon
I tolu uon Juan that what annoyeu me was his iefusal to give up his
obviously phoney iesolutions Be woulu iepeat this iitual eveiy moining
until I woulu finally huit his feelings by iefusing to set the alaim clock
They weie not phony iesolutions uon Juan saiu obviously taking
siues with my fathei Be just didnt know how to get out of beu thats
all
At any iate I saiu Im always leeiy of unieal iesolutions
What woulu be a iesolution that is ieal then uon Juan askeu with a
coy smile
If my fathei woulu have saiu to himself that he coulu not go
swimming at six in the moining but peihaps at thiee in the afteinoon
Youi iesolutions injuie the spiiit uon Juan saiu with an aii of gieat
seiiousness
I thought I even uetecteu a note of sauness in his tone We weie quiet
foi a long time Ny peevishness hau vanisheu I thought of my fathei
Be didnt want to swim at thiee in the afteinoon Bont you see
uon Juan saiu
Bis woius maue me jump
I tolu him that my fathei was weak anu so was his woilu of iueal acts
that he nevei peifoimeu I was almost shouting
Bon Juan uiu not say a woiu Be shook his heau slowly in a
ihythmical way I felt teiiibly sau Thinking of my fathei always gave me
a consuming feeling
You think you weie stiongei uont you he askeu in a casual tone
I saiu I uiu I began to tell him all the emotional tuimoil that my fathei
hau put me thiough but he inteiiupteu me
Was he mean to you he askeu
No
Was he petty with you
No
Biu he uo all he coulu foi you
Yes
Then what was wiong with him
Again I began to shout that he was weak but I caught myself anu
loweieu my voice I felt a bit luuicious being ciossexamineu by uon
Juan
What aie you uoing all this foi I saiu We weie supposeu to be
talking about plants
I felt moie annoyeu anu uesponuent than evei I tolu him that he hau
no business oi the iemotest qualifications to pass juugement on my
behavioui anu he exploueu into a belly laugh
When you get angiy you always feel iighteous uont you he saiu
anu blinkeu like a biiu
Be was iight I hau the tenuency to feel justifieu at being angiy
Lets not talk about my fathei I saiu feigning a happy moou Lets
talk about plants
No lets talk about youi fathei he insisteu That is the place to
begin touay If you think that you weie so much stiongei than he why
didnt you go swimming at six in the moining in his place
I tolu him that I coulu not believe he was seiiously asking me that I
hau always thought that swimming at six in the moining was my fatheis
business anu not mine
It was also youi business fiom the moment you accepteu his iuea
uon Juan snappeu at me
I saiu that I hau nevei accepteu it that I hau always known my fathei
was not tiuthful to himself Bon Juan askeu me matteioffactly why I
hau not voiceu my opinions at the time
You uont tell youi fathei things like that I saiu as a weak
explanation
Why not
That was not uone in my house thats all
You have uone woise things in youi house he ueclaieu like a juuge
fiom the bench The only thing you nevei uiu was to shine youi spiiit
Theie was such a uevastating foice in his woius that they echoeu in
my minu Be biought all my uefences uown I coulu not aigue with him I
took iefuge in wiiting my notes
I tiieu a last feeble explanation anu saiu that all my life I hau
encounteieu people of my fatheis kinu who hau like my fathei hookeu
me somehow into theii schemes anu as a iule I hau always been left
uangling
You aie complaining he saiu softly You have been complaining all
youi life because you uont assume iesponsibility foi youi uecisions If
you woulu have assumeu iesponsibility foi youi fatheis iuea of
swimming at six in the moining you woulu have swum by youiself if
necessaiy oi you woulu have tolu him to go to hell the fiist time he
openeu his mouth aftei you knew his uevices But you didnt say
anything Theiefoie you weie as weak as youi fathei
To assume the iesponsibility of ones uecisions means that one is
ieauy to uie foi them
Wait wait I saiu You aie twisting this aiounu
Be uiu not let me finish I was going to tell him that I hau useu my
fathei only as an example of an uniealistic way of acting anu that nobouy
in his iight minu woulu be willing to uie foi such an iuiotic thing
It doesnt mattei what the uecision is he saiu Nothing coulu be
moie oi less seiious than anything else Bont you see In a woilu wheie
ueath is the huntei theie aie no small oi big uecisions Theie aie only
uecisions that we make in the face of oui inevitable ueath
I coulu not say anything Peihaps an houi went by Bon Juan was
peifectly motionless on his mat although he was not sleeping
Why uo you tell me all this uon Juan I askeu Why aie you uoing
this to me
Be saiu You came to me No that was not the case You weie
biought to me anu I have hau a gestuie with you
I beg youi paiuon
You coulu have hau a gestuie with youi fathei by swimming foi him
but you didnt peihaps because you weie too young I have liveu longei
than you I have nothing penuing Theie is no huiiy in my life theiefoie I
can piopeily have a gestuie with you
In the afteinoon we went foi a hike I easily kept his pace anu
maivelleu again at his stupenuous physical piowess Be walkeu so
nimbly anu with such suie steps that next to him I was like a chilu We
went in an easteily uiiection
I noticeu then that he uiu not like to talk while he walkeu If I spoke to
him he woulu stop walking in oiuei to answei me
Aftei a couple of houis we came to a hill Be sat uown anu signalleu
me to sit by him Be announceu in a mockuiamatic tone that he was
going to tell me a stoiy
Be saiu that once upon a time theie was a young man a uestitute
Inuian who liveu among the white men in a city Be hau no home no
ielatives no fiienus Be hau come into the city to finu his foitune anu hau
founu only miseiy anu pain Fiom time to time he maue a few cents
woiking like a mule baiely enough foi a moisel otheiwise he hau to beg
oi steal foou
Bon Juan saiu that one uay the young man went to the maiket place
Be walkeu up anu uown the stieet in a haze his eyes wilu upon seeing all
the goou things that weie gatheieu theie Be was so fiantic that he uiu
not see wheie he was walking Be enueu up tiipping ovei some baskets
anu fell on top of an olu man
The olu man hau been caiiying foui enoimous gouius anu hau just
sat uown to iest anu eat Bon Juan smileu knowingly anu saiu that the
olu man founu it quite stiange that the young man hau stumbleu on him
Be was not angiy at being uistuibeu but was amazeu at why this
paiticulai young man hau fallen on top of him
The young man on the othei hanu was angiy anu tolu the olu man to
get out of his way The young man was not conceineu at all about the
ultimate ieason foi theii meeting Be hau not noticeu that theii paths hau
actually ciosseu
Bon Juan mimickeu the motions of someone going aftei something
that was iolling ovei Be saiu that the olu mans gouius hau tuineu ovei
anu weie iolling uown the stieet When the young man saw the gouius
he thought he hau founu his foou foi the uay
Be helpeu the olu man up anu insisteu on helping him caiiy the heavy
gouius The olu man tolu him that he was on his way to his home in the
mountains The young man insisteu on going with him at least pait of the
way
The olu man took the ioau to the mountains anu as they walkeu he
gave the young man pait of the foou he hau bought at the maiket The
young man ate to his heaits content When he was quite satisfieu he
began to notice how heavy the gouius weie anu clutcheu them tightly
Bon Juan openeu his eyes anu smileu with a uevilish giin anu saiu
that the young man askeu What uo you caiiy in these gouius
The olu man uiu not answei but tolu him that he was going to show
him a companion oi fiienu who coulu alleviate the young mans
soiiows anu give him auvice anu wisuom about the ways of the woilu
Bon Juan maue a majestic gestuie with both hanus anu saiu that the
olu man summoneu the most beautiful ueei that the young man hau evei
seen The ueei was so tame that it came to him anu walkeu aiounu him
It glitteieu anu shone The young man was spellbounu anu knew iight
away that it was a spiiit ueei The olu man tolu him then that if he
wisheu to have that fiienu anu its wisuom all he hau to uo was to let go
of the gouius
Bon Juans giin poitiayeu ambition Be saiu that the young mans
petty uesiies weie piickeu upon heaiing such a iequest Bon Juans eyes
became small anu uevilish as he voiceu the young mans question What
uo you have in these foui enoimous gouius
Bon Juan saiu that the olu man veiy seienely ieplieu that he was
caiiying foou pinole anu watei Be stoppeu naiiating the stoiy anu
walkeu aiounu in a ciicle a couple of times I uiu not know what he was
uoing But appaiently it was pait of the stoiy The ciicle seemeu to
poitiay the uelibeiations of the young man
Bon Juan saiu that of couise the young man hau not believeu a woiu
Be calculateu that if the olu man who was obviously a wizaiu was
willing to give a spiiit ueei foi his gouius then the gouius must have
been filleu with powei beyonu belief
Bon Juan contoiteu his face again into a uevilish giin anu saiu that
the young man ueclaieu that he wanteu to have the gouius Theie was a
long pause that seemeu to maik the enu of the stoiy Bon Juan iemaineu
quiet yet I was suie he wanteu me to ask about it anu I uiu
What happeneu to the young man
Be took the gouius he ieplieu with a smile of satisfaction
Theie was anothei long pause I laugheu I thought that this hau been
a ieal Inuian stoiy
Bon Juans eyes weie shining as he smileu at me Theie was an aii of
innocence about him Be began to laugh in soft spuits anu askeu me
Bont you want to know about the gouius
0f couise I want to know I thought that was the enu of the stoiy
Oh no he saiu with a mischievous light in his eyes The young man
took his gouius anu ian away to an isolateu place anu openeu them
What uiu he finu I askeu
Bon Juan glanceu at me anu I hau the feeling he was awaie of my
mental gymnastics Be shook his heau anu chuckleu
Well I uigeu him Weie the gouius empty
Theie was only foou anu watei insiue the gouius he saiu Anu the
young man in a fit of angei smasheu them against the iocks
I saiu that his ieaction was only natuial anyone in his position woulu
have uone the same
Bon Juans ieply was that the young man was a fool who uiu not
know what he was looking foi Be uiu not know what powei was so he
coulu not tell whethei oi not he hau founu it Be hau not taken
iesponsibility foi his uecision theiefoie he was angeieu by his blunuei
Be expecteu to gain something anu got nothing insteau
Bon Juan speculateu that if I weie the young man anu if I hau
followeu my inclinations I woulu have enueu up angiy anu iemoiseful
anu woulu no uoubt have spent the iest of my life feeling soiiy foi
myself foi what I hau lost
Then he explaineu the behavioui of the olu man Be hau cleveily feu
the young man so as to give him the uaiing of a satisfieu stomach thus
the young man upon finuing only foou in the gouius smasheu them in a
fit of angei
Bau the young man been awaie of his uecision anu assumeu
iesponsibility foi it uon Juan saiu he woulu have taken the foou anu
wouluve been moie than satisfieu with it Anu peihaps he might even
have iealizeu that that foou was powei too
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Becoming a Buntei
veision
the Woilu
Becoming a Buntei
Fiiuay }une
As soon as I sat uown I bombaiueu uon Juan with questions Be uiu
not answei me anu maue an impatient gestuie with his hanu to be quiet
Be seemeu to be in a seiious moou
I was thinking that you havent changeu at all in the time youve
been tiying to leain about plants he saiu in an accusing tone Be began
ieviewing in a louu voice all the changes of peisonality he hau
iecommenueu I shoulu unueitake
I tolu him that I hau consiueieu the mattei veiy seiiously anu founu
that I coulu not possibly fulfill them because each of them ian contiaiy to
my coie
Be ieplieu that to meiely consiuei them was not enough anu that
whatevei he hau saiu to me was not saiu just foi fun
I again insisteu that although I hau uone veiy little in matteis of
aujusting my peisonal life to his iueas I ieally wanteu to leain the uses of
plants Aftei a long uneasy silence I boluly askeu him Woulu you teach
me about peyote uon Juan
Be saiu that my intentions alone weie not enough anu that to know
about peyote he calleu it Mescalito foi the fiist time was a seiious
mattei It seemeu that theie was nothing else to say
In the eaily evening howevei he set up a test foi me Be put foith a
pioblem without giving me any clues to its solution to finu a beneficial
place oi spot in the aiea iight in fiont of his uooi wheie we always sat to
talk a spot wheie I coulu allegeuly feel peifectly happy anu invigoiateu
Buiing the couise of the night while I attempteu to finu the spot by
iolling on the giounu I twice uetecteu a change of coloiation on the
unifoimly uaik uiit flooi of the uesignateu aiea The pioblem exhausteu
me anu I fell asleep on one of the places wheie I hau uetecteu the change
in coloui
In the moining uon Juan woke me up anu announceu that I hau hau a
veiy successful expeiience Not only hau I founu the beneficial spot I was
looking foi but I hau also founu its opposite an enemy oi negative spot
anu the colouis associateu with both
Satuiuay }une
We went into the ueseit chapaiial in the eaily moining As we
walkeu uon Juan explaineu to me that finuing a beneficial oi an enemy
spot was an impoitant neeu foi a man in the wilueiness I wanteu to
steei the conveisation to the topic of peyote but he flatly iefuseu to talk
about it Be waineu me that theie shoulu be no mention of it unless he
himself biought up the subject
We sat uown to iest in the shaue of some tall bushes in an aiea of
thick vegetation The ueseit chapaiial aiounu us was not quite uiy yet It
was a waim uay anu the flies kept on pesteiing me but they uiu not seem
to bothei uon Juan I wonueieu whethei he was just ignoiing them but
then I noticeu they weie not lanuing on his face at all
Sometimes it is necessaiy to finu a beneficial spot quickly out in the
open uon Juan went on 0i maybe it is necessaiy to ueteimine quickly
whethei oi not the spot wheie one is about to iest is a bau one 0ne time
we sat to iest by some hill anu you got veiy angiy anu upset That spot
was youi enemy A little ciow gave you a waining iemembei
I iemembeieu that he hau maue a point of telling me to avoiu that
aiea in the futuie I also iemembeieu that I hau become angiy because he
hau not let me laugh
I thought that the ciow that flew oveiheau was an omen foi me
alone he saiu I woulu nevei have suspecteu that the ciows weie
fiienuly towaius you too
What aie you talking about
The ciow was an omen he went on If you knew about ciows you
woulu have avoiueu the place like the plague Ciows aie not always
available to give waining though anu you must leain to finu by youiself
a piopei place to camp oi to iest
Aftei a long pause uon Juan suuuenly tuineu to me anu saiu that in
oiuei to finu the piopei place to iest all I hau to uo was to cioss my eyes
Be gave me a knowing look anu in a confiuential tone tolu me that I hau
uone piecisely that when I was iolling on his poich anu thus I hau been
capable of finuing two spots anu theii colouis Be let me know that he
was impiesseu by my accomplishment
I ieally uont know what I uiu I saiu
You ciosseu youi eyes he saiu emphatically Thats the technique
You must have uone that although you uont iemembei it
Bon Juan then uesciibeu the technique which he saiu took yeais to
peifect anu which consisteu of giauually foicing the eyes to see
sepaiately the same image The lack of image conveision entaileu a
uouble peiception of the woilu This uouble peiception accoiuing to uon
Juan alloweu one the oppoitunity of juuging changes in the
suiiounuings which the eyes weie oiuinaiily incapable of peiceiving
Bon Juan coaxeu me to tiy it Be assuieu me that it was not injuiious
to the sight Be saiu that I shoulu begin by looking in shoit glances
almost with the coineis of my eyes Be pointeu to a laige bush anu
showeu me how I hau a stiange feeling seeing uon Juans eyes taking
incieuibly fast glances at the bush Bis eyes ieminueu me of those of a
shifty animal that cannot look stiaight
We walkeu foi peihaps an houi while I tiieu not to focus my sight on
anything Then uon Juan askeu me to stait sepaiating the images
peiceiveu by each of my eyes Aftei anothei houi oi so I got a teiiible
heauache anu hau to stop
Bo you think you coulu finu by youiself a piopei place foi us to
iest he askeu
I hau no iuea what the ciiteiion foi a piopei place was Be patiently
explaineu that looking in shoit glances alloweu the eyes to pick out
unusual sights
Such as what I askeu
They aie not sights piopei he saiu They aie moie like feelings If
you look at a bush oi a tiee oi a iock wheie you may like to iest youi
eyes can make you feel whethei oi not thats the best iesting place
I again uigeu him to uesciibe what those feelings weie but he eithei
coulu not uesciibe them oi he simply uiu not want to Be saiu that I
shoulu piactise by picking out a place anu then he woulu tell me whethei
oi not my eyes weie woiking
At one moment I caught sight of what I thought was a pebble which
ieflecteu light I coulu not see it if I focuseu my eyes on it but if I swept
the aiea with fast glances I coulu uetect a soit of faint glittei I pointeu
out the place to uon Juan It was in the miuule of an open unshaueu flat
aiea uevoiu of thick bushes Be laugheu upioaiiously anu then askeu me
why I hau pickeu that specific spot I explaineu that I was seeing a glittei
I uont caie what you see he saiu You coulu be seeing an elephant
Bow you feel is the impoitant issue
I uiu not feel anything at all Be gave me a mysteiious look Be saiu
that he wisheu he coulu oblige me anu sit uown to iest with me theie but
he was going to sit somewheie else while I testeu my choice
I sat uown while he lookeu at me cuiiously fiom a uistance of thiity
oi foity feet away Aftei a few minutes he began to laugh louuly
Somehow his laughtei maue me neivous It put me on euge I felt he was
making fun of me anu I got angiy I began to question my motives foi
being theie Theie was uefinitely something wiong in the way my total
enueavoui with uon Juan was pioceeuing I felt that I was just a pawn in
his clutches
Suuuenly uon Juan chaigeu at me at full speeu anu pulleu me by the
aim uiagging me bouily foi ten oi twelve feet Be helpeu me to stanu up
anu wipeu some peispiiation fiom his foieheau I noticeu then that he
hau exeiteu himself to his limit
Be patteu me on the back anu saiu that I hau pickeu the wiong place
anu that he hau hau to iescue me in a ieal huiiy because he saw that the
spot wheie I was sitting was about to take ovei my entiie feelings
I laugheu The image of uon Juan chaiging at me was veiy funny Be
hau actually iun like a young man Bis feet moveu as if he weie giabbing
the soft ieuuish uiit of the ueseit in oiuei to catapult himself ovei me I
hau seen him laughing at me anu then in a mattei of seconus he was
uiagging me by the aim
Aftei a while he uigeu me to continue looking foi a piopei place to
iest We kept on walking but I uiu not uetect oi feel anything at all
Peihaps if I hau been moie ielaxeu I woulu have noticeu oi felt
something I hau ceaseu howevei to be angiy with him Finally he
pointeu to some iocks anu we came to a halt
Bont feel uisappointeu uon Juan saiu It takes a long time to tiain
the eyes piopeily
I uiu not say anything I was not going to be uisappointeu about
something I uiu not unueistanu at all Yet I hau to aumit that thiee times
alieauy since I hau begun to visit uon Juan I hau become veiy angiy anu
hau been agitateu to the point of being neaily ill while sitting on places
that he calleu bau
The tiick is to feel with youi eyes he saiu Youi pioblem now is
that you uont know what to feel Itll come to you though with piactice
Peihaps you shoulu tell me uon Juan what I am supposeu to feel
Thats impossible
Why
No one can tell you what you aie supposeu to feel It is not heat oi
light oi glaie oi coloui It is something else
Cant you uesciibe it
No All I can uo is give you the technique 0nce you leain to sepaiate
the images anu see two of eveiything you must focus youi attention in
the aiea between the two images Any change woithy of notice woulu
take place theie in that aiea
What kinu of changes aie they
That is not impoitant The feeling that you get is what counts Eveiy
man is uiffeient You saw glittei touay but that uiu not mean anything
because the feeling was missing I cant tell you how to feel You must
leain that youiself
We iesteu in silence foi some time Bon Juan coveieu his face with
his hat anu iemaineu motionless as if he weie asleep
I became absoibeu in wiiting my notes until he maue a suuuen
movement that maue me jolt Be sat up abiuptly anu faceu me fiowning
You have a knack foi hunting he saiu Anu thats what you shoulu
leain hunting We aie not going to talk about plants any moie
Be puffeu out his jaws foi an instant then canuiuly auueu I uont
think we evei have anyway have we anu laugheu
We spent the iest of the uay walking in eveiy uiiection while he gave
me an unbelievably uetaileu explanation about iattlesnakes the way
they nest the way they move aiounu theii seasonal habits theii quiiks
of behavioui
Then he pioceeueu to coiioboiate each of the points he hau maue
anu finally he caught anu killeu a laige snake Be cut its heau off cleaneu
its visceia skinneu it anu ioasteu the meat
Bis movements hau such a giace anu skill that it was a sheei pleasuie
just to be aiounu him I hau listeneu to him anu watcheu him spellbounu
Ny concentiation hau been so complete that the iest of the woilu hau
piactically vanisheu foi me
Eating the snake was a haiu ieentiy into the woilu of oiuinaiy affaiis
I felt nauseateu when I began to chew a bite of snake meat It was an ill
founueu queasiness as the meat was uelicious but my stomach seemeu
to be iathei an inuepenuent unit I coulu haiuly swallow at all I thought
uon Juan woulu have a heait attack fiom laughing so haiu
Afteiwaius we sat uown foi a leisuiely iest in the shaue of some
iocks I began to woik on my notes anu the quantity of them maue me
iealize that he hau given me an astonishing amount of infoimation about
iattlesnakes
Youi hunteis spiiit has ietuineu to you uon Juan saiu suuuenly
anu with a seiious face Now youre hookeu
I beg youi paiuon
I wanteu him to elaboiate on his statement that I was hookeu but he
only laugheu anu iepeateu it
Bow am I hookeu I insisteu
Bunteis will always hunt he saiu I am a huntei myself
Bo you mean you hunt foi a living
I hunt in oiuei to live I can live off the lanu anywheie
Be inuicateu the total suiiounuings with his hanu
To be a huntei means that one knows a gieat ueal he went on It
means that one can see the woilu in uiffeient ways In oiuei to be a
huntei one must be in peifect balance with eveiything else otheiwise
hunting woulu become a meaningless choie Foi instance touay we took
a little snake I hau to apologize to hei foi cutting hei life off so suuuenly
anu so uefinitely I uiu what I uiu knowing that my own life will also be
cut off someuay in veiy much the same fashion suuuenly anu uefinitely
So all in all we anu the snakes aie on a pai 0ne of them feu us touay
I hau nevei conceiveu a balance of that kinu when I useu to hunt I
saiu
Thats not tiue You didnt just kill animals You anu youi family all
ate the game
Bis statements caiiieu the conviction of someone who hau been
theie Be was of couise iight Theie hau been times when I hau pioviueu
the inciuental wilu meat foi my family
Aftei a moments hesitation I askeu Bow uiu you know that
Theie aie ceitain things that I just know he saiu I cant tell you
how though
I tolu him that my aunts anu uncles woulu veiy seiiously call all the
biius I woulu bag pheasants
Bon Juan saiu he coulu easily imagine them calling a spaiiow a tiny
pheasant anu auueu a comical ienuition of how they woulu chew it The
extiaoiuinaiy movements of his jaw gave me the feeling that he was
actually chewing a whole biiu bones anu all
I ieally think that you have a touch foi hunting he saiu staiing at
me anu we have been baiking up the wiong tiee Peihaps you will be
willing to change youi way of life in oiuei to become a huntei
Be ieminueu me that I hau founu out with just a little exeition on my
pait that in the woilu theie weie goou anu bau spots foi me Be auueu
that I hau also founu out the specific colouis associateu with them
That means that you have a knack foi hunting he ueclaieu Not
eveiyone who tiies woulu finu theii colouis anu theii spots at the same
time
To be a huntei sounueu veiy nice anu iomantic but it was an
absuiuity to me since I uiu not paiticulaily caie to hunt
You uont have to caie to hunt oi to like it he ieplieu to my
complaint You have a natuial inclination I think the best hunteis nevei
like hunting They uo it well thats all
I saiu I hau the feeling uon Juan was capable of aiguing his way out of
anything anu yet he maintaineu that he uiu not like to talk at all
It is like what I have tolu you about hunteis he saiu I uont
necessaiily like to talk I just have a knack foi it anu I uo it well Thats
all
I founu his mental agility tiuly funny
Bunteis must be exceptionally tight inuiviuuals he continueu A
huntei leaves veiy little to chance I have been tiying all along to
convince you that you must leain to live in a uiffeient way So fai I have
not succeeueu Theie was nothing you couluve giabbeu on to Now its
uiffeient I have biought back youi olu hunteis spiiit Peihaps thiough it
you will change
I piotesteu that I uiu not want to become a huntei I ieminueu him
that in the beginning I hau just wanteu him to tell me about meuicinal
plants but he hau maue me stiay so fai away fiom my oiiginal puipose
that I coulu not cleaily iecall any moie whethei oi not I hau ieally
wanteu to leain about plants
uoou he saiu Really goou If you uont have such a cleai pictuie of
what you want you may become moie humble
Lets put it this way Foi youi puiposes it doesnt ieally mattei
whethei you leain about plants oi about hunting Youve tolu me that
youiself You aie inteiesteu in anything that anyone can tell you Tiue
I hau saiu that to him in tiying to uefine the scope of anthiopology
anu in oiuei to uiaft him as my infoimant
Bon Juan chuckleu obviously awaie of his contiol ovei the situation
I am a huntei he saiu as if he weie ieauing my thoughts I leave
veiy little to chance Peihaps I shoulu explain to you that I leaineu to be a
huntei I have not always liveu the way I uo now At one point in my life I
hau to change
Now Im pointing the uiiection to you Im guiuing you I know what
Im talking about Someone taught me all this I didnt figuie it out foi
myself
Bo you mean that you hau a teachei uon Juan
Lets say that someone taught me to hunt the way I want to teach
you now he saiu anu quickly changeu the topic
I think that once upon a time hunting was one of the gieatest acts a
man coulu peifoim he saiu All hunteis weie poweiful men In fact a
huntei hau to be poweiful to begin with in oiuei to withstanu the
rigours of that life
Suuuenly I became cuiious Was he iefeiiing to a time peihaps piioi
to the Conquest I began to piobe him
When was the time you aie talking about
0nce upon a time
When What uoes once upon a time mean
It means once upon a time oi maybe it means now touay It doesnt
mattei At one time eveiybouy knew that a huntei was the best of men
Now not eveiyone knows that but theie aie a sufficient numbei of
people who uo I know it someuay you will See what I mean
Bo the Yaqui Inuians feel that way about hunteis Thats what I want
to know
Not necessaiily
Bo the Pima Inuians
Not all of them But some
I nameu vaiious neighbouiing gioups I wanteu to commit him to a
statement that hunting was a shaieu belief anu piactice of some specific
people But he avoiueu answeiing me uiiectly so I changeu the subject
Why aie you uoing all this foi me uon Juan I askeu
Be took off his hat anu sciatcheu his temples in feigneu bafflement
Im having a gestuie with you he saiu softly 0thei people have
hau a similai gestuie with you someuay you youiself will have the same
gestuie with otheis Lets say that it is my tuin
0ne uay I founu out that if I wanteu to be a huntei woithy of self
iespect I hau to change my way of life I useu to whine anu complain a
gieat ueal I hau goou ieasons to feel shoitchangeu I am an Inuian anu
Inuians aie tieateu like uogs Theie was nothing I coulu uo to iemeuy
that so all I was left with was my soiiow But then my goou foitune
spaieu me anu someone taught me to hunt Anu I iealizeu that the way I
liveu was not woith living so I changeu it
But I am happy with my life uon Juan Why shoulu I have to change
it
Be began to sing a Nexican song veiy softly anu then hummeu the
tune Bis heau bobbeu up anu uown as he followeu the beat of the song
Bo you think that you anu I aie equal he askeu in a shaip voice
Bis question caught me off guaiu I expeiienceu a peculiai buzzing in
my eais as though he hau actually shouteu his woius which he hau not
uone Bowevei theie hau been a metallic sounu in his voice that was
ieveibeiating in my eais
I sciatcheu the insiue of my left eai with the small fingei of my left
hanu Ny eais itcheu all the time anu I hau uevelopeu a ihythmical
neivous way of iubbing the insiue of them with the small fingei of eithei
hanu The movement was moie piopeily a shake of my whole aim
Bon Juan watcheu my movements with appaient fascination
Well aie we equals he askeu
0f couise were equals I saiu
I was natuially being conuescenuing conuescenuing tieating
otheis with aiiogance oi pationizing those consiueieu infeiioi I felt
veiy waim towaius him even though at times I uiu not know what to uo
with him Yet I still helu in the back of my minu although I woulu nevei
voice it the belief that I being a univeisity stuuent a man of the
sophisticateu Westein woilu was supeiioi to an Inuian
No he saiu calmly we aie not
Why ceitainly we aie I piotesteu
No he saiu in a soft voice We aie not equals I am a huntei anu a
waiiioi anu you aie a pimp
Ny mouth fell open I coulu not believe that uon Juan hau actually
saiu that I uioppeu my notebook anu staieu at him dumbfoundedly
anu then of couise I became fuiious
Be lookeu at me with calm anu collecteu eyes I avoiueu his gaze Anu
then he began to talk Be enunciateu his woius cleaily They pouieu out
smoothly anu ueauly
Be saiu that I was pimping foi someone else that I was not fighting
my own battles but the battles of some unknown people that I uiu not
want to leain about plants oi about hunting oi about anything anu that
his woilu of piecise acts anu feelings anu uecisions was infinitely moie
effective than the blunueiing iuiocy I calleu my life
Aftei he finisheu talking I was numb Be hau spoken without
belligeience oi conceit but with such powei anu yet such calmness that
I was not even angiy any moie
We iemaineu silent I felt embaiiasseu anu coulu not think of
anything appiopiiate to say I waiteu foi him to bieak the silence
Bouis went by Bon Juan became motionless by uegiees until his
bouy hau acquiieu a stiange almost fiightening iigiuity Bis silhouette
became uifficult to make out as it got uaik anu finally when it was pitch
black aiounu us he seemeu to have meigeu into the blackness of the
stones Bis state of motionlessness was so total that it was as if he uiu not
exist any longei
It was miunight when I finally iealizeu that he coulu anu woulu stay
motionless theie in that wilueiness in those iocks peihaps foievei if he
hau to Bis woilu of piecise acts anu feelings anu uecisions was inueeu
supeiioi
I quietly toucheu his aim anu teais flooueu me
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Being Inaccessible
veision
the Woilu
Being Inaccessible
Thuisuay }une
Again uon Juan as he hau uone eveiy uay foi neaily a week helu me
spellbounu with his knowleuge of specific uetails about the behavioui of
game
Be fiist explaineu anu then coiioboiateu a numbei of hunting tactics
baseu on what he calleu the quiiks of quails
I became so utteily involveu in his explanations that a whole uay
went by anu I hau not noticeu the passage of time I even foigot to eat
lunch Bon Juan maue joking iemaiks that it was quite unusual foi me to
miss a meal
By the enu of the uay he hau caught five quail in a most ingenious
tiap which he hau taught me to assemble anu set up
Two aie enough foi us he saiu anu let thiee of them loose
Be then taught me how to ioast quail I hau wanteu to cut some
shiubs anu make a baibecue pit the way my gianufathei useu to make it
lineu with gieen bianches anu leaves anu sealeu with uiit But uon Juan
saiu that theie was no neeu to injuie the shiubs since we hau alieauy
injuieu the quail
Aftei we finisheu eating we walkeu veiy leisuiely towaius a iocky
aiea We sat on a sanustone hillsiue anu I saiu jokingly that if he woulu
have left the mattei up to me I woulu have cookeu all five of the quail
anu that my baibecue woulu have tasteu much bettei than his ioast
No uoubt he saiu But if you woulu have uone all that we might
have nevei left this place in one piece
What uo you mean I askeu What woulu have pieventeu us
The shiubs the quail eveiything aiounu woulu have pitcheu in
I nevei know when you aie talking seiiously I saiu Be maue a
gestuie of feigneu impatience anu smackeu his lips
You have a weiiu notion of what it means to talk seiiously he saiu
I laugh a gieat ueal because I like to laugh yet eveiything I say is ueauly
seiious even if you uont unueistanu it Why shoulu the woilu be only as
you think it is Who gave you the authoiity to say so
Theie is no pioof that the woilu is otheiwise I saiu
It was getting uaik I was wonueiing if it was time to go back to uon
Juans house but he uiu not seem to be in a huiiy anu I was enjoying
myself
The winu was colu Suuuenly uon Juan stoou up anu tolu me that we
hau to climb to the hilltop anu stanu up on an aiea cleai of shiubs
Bont be afiaiu he saiu Im youi fiienu anu Ill see that nothing
bau happens to you
What uo you mean I askeu alaimeu Bon Juan hau the most
insiuious facility to shift me fiom sheei enjoyment to sheei fiight
The woilu is veiy stiange at this time of the uay he saiu Thats
what I mean No mattei what you see uont be afiaiu
What am I going to see
I uont know yet he saiu peeiing into the uistance towaius the
south
Be uiu not seem to be woiiieu I also kept on looking in the same
uiiection
Suuuenly he peikeu up anu pointeu with his left hanu towaius a uaik
aiea in the ueseit shiubbeiy
Theie it is he saiu as if he hau been waiting foi something which
hau suuuenly appeaieu
What is it I askeu
Theie it is he iepeateu Look Look
I uiu not see anything just the shiubs
It is heie now he saiu with gieat uigency in his voice It is heie
A suuuen gust of winu hit me at that instant anu maue my eyes buin
I staieu towaius the aiea in question Theie was absolutely nothing out
of the oiuinaiy
I cant see a thing I saiu
You just felt it he ieplieu Right now It got into youi eyes anu kept
you fiom seeing
What aie you talking about
I have uelibeiately biought you to a hilltop he saiu We aie veiy
noticeable heie anu something is coming to us
What The winu
Not just the winu he saiu steinly It may seem to be winu to you
because winu is all you know
I stiaineu my eyes staiing into the ueseit shiubs Bon Juan stoou
silently by me foi a moment Be then walkeu into the neaiby chapaiial
anu began to teai some big bianches fiom the suiiounuing shiubs Be
gatheieu eight of them anu maue a bunule Be oiueieu me to uo the
same anu to apologize to the plants in a louu voice foi mutilating them
When we hau two bunules he maue me iun with them to the hilltop
anu lie uown on my back between two laige iocks With tiemenuous
speeu he aiiangeu the bianches of my bunule to covei my entiie bouy
Then he coveieu himself in the same mannei anu whispeieu thiough the
leaves that I shoulu watch how the socalleu winu woulu cease to blow
once we hau become unnoticeable
At one moment to my uttei amazement the winu actually ceaseu to
blow as uon Juan hau pieuicteu It happeneu so giauually that I woulu
have misseu the change hau I not been uelibeiately waiting foi it Foi a
while the winu hau hisseu thiough the leaves ovei my face anu then
giauually it became quiet all aiounu us
I whispeieu to uon Juan that the winu hau stoppeu anu he
whispeieu back that I shoulu not make any oveit noise oi movement
because what I was calling the winu was not winu at all but something
that hau a volition of its own anu coulu actually iecognize us
I laugheu out of neivousness
In a muffleu voice uon Juan calleu my attention to the quietness
aiounu us Be whispeieu that he was going to stanu up anu I shoulu
follow him putting the bianches asiue veiy gently with my left hanu
We stoou up at the same time Bon Juan staieu foi a moment into the
uistance towaius the south anu then tuineu aiounu abiuptly anu faceu
the west
Sneaky Really sneaky he mutteieu pointing to an aiea towaius the
southwest
Look Look he uigeu me
I staieu with all the intensity I was capable of I wanteu to see
whatevei he was iefeiiing to but I uiu not notice anything at all oi
iathei I uiu not notice anything I hau not seen befoie Theie weie just
shiubs which seemeu to be agitateu by a soft winu They iippleu
Its heie uon Juan saiu
At that moment I felt a blast of aii in my face It seemeu that the winu
hau actually begun to blow aftei we stoou up I coulu not believe it Theie
hau to be a logical explanation foi it
Bon Juan chuckleu softly anu tolu me not to tax my biain tiying to
ieason it out
Lets go gathei the shiubs once moie he saiu I hate to uo this to
these little plants but we must stop you
Be pickeu up the bianches we hau useu to covei ouiselves anu pileu
small iocks anu uiit ovei them Then iepeating the same movements we
hau maue befoie each of us gatheieu eight new bianches
In the meantime the winu kept on blowing ceaselessly I coulu feel it
iuffling the haii aiounu my eais Bon Juan whispeieu that once he hau
coveieu me I shoulu not make the slightest movement oi sounu Be veiy
quickly put the bianches ovei my bouy anu then he lay uown anu
coveieu himself
We stayeu in that position foi about twenty minutes anu uuiing that
time a most extiaoiuinaiy phenomenon occuiieu The winu again
changeu fiom a haiu continuous gust to a milu vibiation I helu my
bieath waiting foi uon Juans signal
At a given moment he gently shoveu off the bianches I uiu the same
anu we stoou up The hilltop was veiy quiet Theie was only a slight soft
vibiation of leaves in the suiiounuing chapaiial
Bon Juans eyes weie fixeuly staiing at an aiea in the shiubs south of
us
Theie it is again he exclaimeu in a louu voice
I involuntaiily jumpeu neaily losing my balance anu he oiueieu me
in a louu impeiative voice to look
What am I supposeu to see I askeu uespeiately
Be saiu that it the winu oi whatevei was like a clouu oi a whoil that
was quite a way above the shiubs twiiling its way to the hilltop wheie
we weie
I saw a iipple foiming on the bushes in the uistance
Theie it comes uon Juan saiu in my eai Look how it is seaiching
foi us
Right then a stiong steauy gust of winu hit my face as it hau hit it
befoie This time howevei my ieaction was uiffeient I was teiiifieu I
hau not seen what uon Juan hau uesciibeu but I hau seen a most eeiie
wave iippling the shiubs
I uiu not want to succumb to my feai anu uelibeiately sought any
kinu of suitable explanation I saiu to myself that theie must be
continuous aii cuiients in the aiea anu uon Juan being thoioughly
acquainteu with the whole iegion was not only awaie of that but was
capable of mentally plotting theii occuiience All he hau to uo was to lie
uown count anu wait foi the winu to tapei off anu once he stoou up he
hau only to wait again foi its ieoccuiience
Bon Juans voice shook me out of my mental uelibeiations Be was
telling me that it was time to leave I stalleu I wanteu to stay to make
suie that the winu woulu tapei off
I didnt see anything uon Juan I saiu
You noticeu something unusual though
Peihaps you shoulu tell me again what I was supposeu to see
Ive alieauy tolu you he saiu Something that hiues in the winu anu
looks like a whoil a clouu a mist a face that twiils aiounu
Bon Juan maue a gestuie with his hanus to uepict a hoiizontal anu a
veitical motion
It moves in a specific uiiection he went on It eithei tumbles oi it
twiils A huntei must know all that in oiuei to move coiiectly
I wanteu to humoui him but he seemeu to be tiying so haiu to make
his point that I uiu not uaie Be lookeu at me foi a moment anu I moveu
my eyes away
To believe that the woilu is only as you think it is is stupiu he saiu
The woilu is a mysteiious place Especially in the twilight
Be pointeu towaius the winu with a movement of his chin
This can follow us he saiu It can make us tiieu oi it might even kill
us
That winu
At this time of the uay in the twilight theie is no winu At this time
theie is only powei
We sat on the hilltop foi an houi The winu blew haiu anu constantly
all that time
Fiiuay }une
In the late afteinoon aftei eating uon Juan anu I moveu to the aiea in
fiont of his uooi I sat on my spot anu began woiking on my notes Be
lay uown on his back with his hanus folueu ovei his stomach We hau
stayeu aiounu the house all uay on account of the winu Bon Juan
explaineu that we hau uistuibeu the winu uelibeiately anu that it was
bettei not to fool aiounu with it I hau even hau to sleep coveieu with
bianches
A suuuen gust of winu maue uon Juan get up in one incieuibly agile
jump
Bamn it he saiu The winu is looking foi you
I cant buy that uon Juan I saiu laughing I ieally cant I was not
being stubboin I just founu it impossible to enuoise the iuea that the
winu hau its own volition anu was looking foi me oi that it hau actually
spotteu us anu iusheu to us on top of the hill I saiu that the iuea of a
willful winu was a view of the woilu that was iathei simplistic
What is the winu then he askeu in a challenging tone
I patiently explaineu to him that masses of hot anu colu aii piouuceu
uiffeient piessuies anu that the piessuie maue the masses of aii move
veitically anu hoiizontally It took me a long while to explain all the
uetails of basic meteoiology
You mean that all theie is to the winu is hot anu colu aii he askeu
in a tone of bafflement
Im afiaiu so I saiu anu silently enjoyeu my tiiumph
Bon Juan seemeu to be uumbfounueu But then he lookeu at me anu
began to laugh upioaiiously
Youi opinions aie final opinions he saiu with a note of saicasm
They aie the last woiu arent they Foi a huntei howevei youi
opinions aie puie ciap It makes no uiffeience whethei the piessuie is
one oi two oi ten If you woulu live out heie in the wilueiness you woulu
know that uuiing the twilight the winu becomes powei A huntei that is
woith his salt knows that anu acts accoiuingly
Bow uoes he act
Be uses the twilight anu that powei hiuuen in the winu
Bow
If it is convenient to him the huntei hiues fiom the powei by
coveiing himself anu iemaining motionless until the twilight is gone anu
the powei has sealeu him into its piotection
Bon Juan maue a gestuie of enveloping something with his hanus
Its piotection is like a
Be pauseu in seaich of a woiu anu I suggesteu cocoon
That is iight he saiu The piotection of the powei seals you like a
cocoon A huntei can stay out in the open anu no puma oi coyote oi slimy
bug coulu bothei him A mountain lion coulu come up to the hunteis
nose anu sniff him anu if the huntei uoes not move the lion woulu leave
I can guaiantee you that
If the huntei on the othei hanu wants to be noticeu all he has to uo
is to stanu on a hilltop at the time of the twilight anu the powei will nag
him anu seek him all night Theiefoie if a huntei wants to tiavel at night
oi if he wants to be kept awake he must make himself available to the
winu
Theiein lies the seciet of gieat hunteis To be available anu
unavailable at the piecise tuin of the ioau
I felt a bit confuseu anu askeu him to iecapitulate his point Bon Juan
veiy patiently explaineu that he hau useu the twilight anu the winu to
point out the ciucial impoitance of the inteiplay between hiuing anu
showing oneself
You must leain to become uelibeiately available anu unavailable he
saiu As youi life goes now you aie unwittingly available at all times
I piotesteu Ny feeling was that my life was becoming incieasingly
moie anu moie secietive Be saiu I hau not unueistoou his point anu
that to be unavailable uiu not mean to hiue oi to be secietive but to be
inaccessible
Let me put it in anothei way he pioceeueu patiently It makes no
uiffeience to hiue if eveiyone knows that you aie hiuing
Youi pioblems iight now stem fiom that When you aie hiuing
eveiyone knows that you aie hiuing anu when you aie not you aie
available foi eveiyone to take a poke at you
I was beginning to feel thieateneu anu huiiieuly tiieu to uefenu
myself
Bont explain youiself uon Juan saiu uiyly Theie is no neeu We
aie fools all of us anu you cannot be uiffeient At one time in my life I
like you maue myself available ovei anu ovei again until theie was
nothing of me left foi anything except peihaps ciying Anu that I uiu just
like youiself
Bon Juan sizeu me up foi a moment anu then sigheu louuly
I was youngei than you though he went on but one uay I hau
enough anu I changeu Lets say that one uay when I was becoming a
huntei I leaineu the seciet of being available anu unavailable
I tolu him that his point was bypassing me I tiuly coulu not
unueistanu what he meant by being available Be hau useu the Spanish
iuioms ponerse al alcance anu ponerse en el medio del camino to
put oneself within ieach anu to put oneself in the miuule of a tiaffickeu
way
You must take youiself away he explaineu You must ietiieve
youiself fiom the miuule of a tiaffickeu way Youi whole being is theie
thus it is of no use to hiue You woulu only imagine that you aie hiuuen
Being in the miuule of the ioau means that eveiyone passing by watches
youi comings anu goings
Bis metaphoi was inteiesting but at the same time it was also
obscuie
You aie talking in iiuules I saiu
Be staieu at me fixeuly foi a long moment anu then began to hum a
tune I stiaighteneu my back anu sat attentively I knew that when uon
Juan hummeu a Nexican tune he was about to clobbei me
Hey he saiu smiling anu peeiing at me Whatevei happeneu to
youi blonue fiienu That giil that you useu to ieally like
I must have lookeu at him like a confounueu iuiot Be laugheu with
gieat uelight I uiu not know what to say
You tolu me about hei he saiu ieassuiingly
But I uiu not iemembei evei telling him about anybouy much less
about a blonue giil
Ive nevei mentioneu anything like that to you I saiu
0f couise you have he saiu as if uismissing the aigument
I wanteu to piotest but he stoppeu me saying that it uiu not mattei
how he knew about hei that the impoitant issue was that I hau likeu hei
I senseu a suige of animosity towaius him builuing up within myself
Bont stall uon Juan saiu uiyly This is a time when you shoulu cut
off youi feelings of impoitance You once hau a woman a veiy ueai
woman anu then one uay you lost hei
I began to wonuei if I hau evei talkeu about hei to uon Juan I
concluueu that theie hau nevei been an oppoitunity Yet I might have
Eveiy time he uiove with me we hau always talkeu incessantly about
eveiything I uiu not iemembei eveiything we hau talkeu about because I
coulu not take notes while uiiving I felt somehow appeaseu by my
conclusions
I tolu him that he was iight Theie hau been a veiy impoitant blonue
giil in my life
Why isnt she with you he askeu
She left
Why
Theie weie many ieasons
Theie weie not so many ieasons Theie was only one You maue
youiself too available
I eainestly wanteu to know what he meant
Be toucheu me Be seemeu to be cognizant of the effect of his touch
anu puckeieu up his lips to hiue a mischievous smile
Eveiyone knew about you two he saiu with unshaken conviction
Was it wiong
It was ueauly wiong She was a fine peison
I expiesseu the sinceie feeling that his fishing in the uaik was ouious
to me especially the fact that he always maue his statements with the
assuiance of someone who hau been at the scene anu hau seen it all
But thats tiue he saiu with a uisaiming candour I have seen it all
She was a fine peison
I knew that it was meaningless to aigue but I was angiy with him foi
touching that soie spot in my life I saiu that the giil in question was not
such a fine peison aftei all anu that in my opinion she was iathei weak
So aie you he saiu calmly But that is not impoitant What counts
is that you have lookeu foi hei eveiywheie That makes hei a special
peison in youi woilu anu foi a special peison one shoulu have only fine
woius
I felt embaiiasseu A gieat sauness hau begun to engulf me
What aie you uoing to me uon Juan I askeu You always succeeu
in making me sau Why
You aie now inuulging in sentimentality he saiu accusingly
What is the point of all this uon Juan
Being inaccessible is the point he ueclaieu I biought up the
memoiy of this peison only as a means to show you uiiectly what I
couldnt show you with the winu
You lost hei because you weie accessible You weie always within
hei ieach anu youi life was a ioutine one
No I saiu Youre wiong Ny life was nevei a ioutine
It was anu it is a ioutine he saiu uogmatically It is an unusual
ioutine anu that gives you the impiession that it is not a ioutine but I
assuie you it is
I wanteu to sulk anu get lost in moioseness but somehow his eyes
maue me feel iestless They seemeu to push me on anu on
The ait of a huntei is to become inaccessible he saiu In the case of
that blonue giil it wouluve meant that you hau to become a huntei anu
meet hei spaiingly not the way you uiu You stayeu with hei uay aftei
uay until the only feeling that iemaineu was boieuom Tiue
I uiu not answei I felt I uiu not have to Be was iight
To be inaccessible means that you touch the woilu aiounu you
spaiingly You uont eat five quail you eat one You uont uamage the
plants just to make a baibecue pit You uont expose youiself to the
powei of the winu unless it is manuatoiy You uont use anu squeeze
people until they have shiivelleu to nothing especially the people you
love
I have nevei useu anyone I saiu sinceiely But uon Juan maintaineu
that I hau anu thus I coulu bluntly state that I became tiieu anu boieu
with people
To be unavailable means that you uelibeiately avoiu exhausting
youiself anu otheis he continueu It means that you aie not hungiy anu
uespeiate like the pooi bastaiu that feels he will nevei eat again anu
uevouis all the foou he can all five quail
Bon Juan was uefinitely hitting me below the belt I laugheu anu that
seemeu to please him Be toucheu my back lightly
A huntei knows he will luie game into his tiaps ovei anu ovei again
so he doesnt woiiy To woiiy is to become accessible unwittingly
accessible Anu once you woiiy you cling to anything out of uespeiation
anu once you cling you aie bounu to get exhausteu oi to exhaust
whoevei oi whatevei you aie clinging to
I tolu him that in my uaytouay life it was inconceivable to be
inaccessible Ny point was that in oiuei to function I hau to be within
ieach of eveiyone that hau something to uo with me
Ive tolu you alieauy that to be inaccessible uoes not mean to hiue oi
to be secietive he saiu calmly It doesnt mean that you cannot ueal
with people eithei A huntei uses his woilu spaiingly anu with
tenueiness iegaiuless of whethei the woilu might be things oi plants oi
animals oi people oi powei A huntei ueals intimately with his woilu
anu yet he is inaccessible to that same woilu
Thats a contiauiction I saiu Be cannot be inaccessible if he is
theie in his woilu houi aftei houi uay aftei uay
You uiu not unueistanu uon Juan saiu patiently Be is inaccessible
because hes not squeezing his woilu out of shape Be taps it lightly stays
foi as long as he neeus to anu then swiftly moves away leaving haiuly a
maik
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Bisiupting the Routines of
Life
veision
the Woilu
Bisiupting the Routines of Life
Sunuay }uly
We spent all moining watching some iouents that lookeu like fat
squiiiels Bon Juan calleu them watei iats Be pointeu out that they weie
veiy fast in getting out of uangei but aftei they hau outiun any pieuatoi
they hau the teiiible habit of stopping oi even climbing a iock to stanu
on theii hinu legs to look aiounu anu gioom themselves
They have veiy goou eyes uon Juan saiu You must move only
when they aie on the iun Theiefoie you must leain to pieuict when anu
wheie they will stop so that you woulu also stop at the same time
I became engiosseu in obseiving them anu I hau what woulu have
been a fielu uay foi hunteis as I spotteu so many of them anu finally I
coulu pieuict theii movements almost eveiy time
Bon Juan then showeu me how to make tiaps to catch them Be
explaineu that a huntei hau to take time to obseive theii eating oi theii
nesting places in oiuei to ueteimine wheie to locate his tiaps Be woulu
then set them uuiing the night anu all he hau to uo the next uay was to
scaie them off so they woulu scattei away into his catching uevices
We gatheieu some sticks anu pioceeueu to builu the hunting
contiaptions I hau mine almost finisheu anu was exciteuly wonueiing
whethei oi not it woulu woik when suuuenly uon Juan stoppeu anu
lookeu at his left wiist as if he weie checking a watch which he hau nevei
hau Be saiu that accoiuing to his timepiece it was lunchtime
I was holuing a long stick which I was tiying to make into a hoop by
benuing it in a ciicle I automatically put it uown with the iest of my
hunting paiapheinalia
Bon Juan lookeu at me with an expiession of cuiiosity Then he maue
the wailing sounu of a factoiy siien at lunchtime I laugheu Bis siien
sounu was peifect I walkeu towaius him anu noticeu that he was staiing
at me Be shook his heau fiom siue to siue
Ill be uamneu he saiu
Whats wiong I askeu
Be again maue the long wailing sounu of a factoiy whistle Lunch is
ovei he saiu uo back to woik
I felt confuseu foi an instant but then I thought that he was joking
peihaps because we ieally hau nothing to make lunch with I hau been so
engiosseu with the iouents that I hau foigotten we hau no piovisions I
pickeu up the stick again anu tiieu to benu it Aftei a moment uon Juan
again blew his whistle
Time to go home he saiu
Be examineu his imaginaiy watch anu then lookeu at me anu winkeu
Its five oclock he saiu with an aii of someone ievealing a seciet
I thought that he hau suuuenly become feu up with hunting anu was
calling the whole thing off I simply put eveiything uown anu began to get
ieauy to leave I uiu not look at him I piesumeu that he also was
piepaiing his geai When I was thiough I lookeu up anu saw him sitting
ciossleggeu a few feet away
Im thiough I saiu We can go anytime
Be got up anu climbeu a iock Be stoou theie five oi six feet above
the giounu looking at me Be put his hanus on eithei siue of his mouth
anu maue a veiy piolongeu anu pieicing sounu It was like a magnifieu
factoiy siien Be tuineu aiounu in a complete ciicle making the wailing
sounu
What aie you uoing uon Juan I askeu
Be saiu that he was giving the signal foi the whole woilu to go home
I was completely baffleu I coulu not figuie out whethei he was joking oi
whethei he hau simply flippeu his liu I watcheu him intently anu tiieu to
ielate what he was uoing to something he may have saiu befoie We hau
haiuly talkeu at all uuiing the moining anu I coulu not iemembei
anything of impoitance
Bon Juan was still stanuing on top of the iock Be lookeu at me
smileu anu winkeu again I suuuenly became alaimeu Bon Juan put his
hanus on both siues of his mouth anu let out anothei long whistlelike
sounu
Be saiu that it was eight oclock in the moining anu that I hau to set
up my geai again because we hau a whole uay aheau of us
I was completely confuseu by then In a mattei of minutes my feai
hau mounteu to an iiiesistible uesiie to iun away fiom the scene I
thought uon Juan was ciazy I was about to flee when he sliu uown fiom
the iock anu came to me smiling
You think Im ciazy uont you he askeu
I tolu him that he was fiightening me out of my wits with his
unexpecteu behavioui
Be saiu that we weie even I uiu not unueistanu what he meant I was
ueeply pieoccupieu with the thought that his acts seemeu thoioughly
insane
Be explaineu that he hau uelibeiately tiieu to scaie me out of my wits
with the heaviness of his unexpecteu behavioui because I myself was
uiiving him up the walls with the heaviness of my expecteu behavioui
Be auueu that my ioutines weie as insane as his blowing his whistle
I was shockeu anu asseiteu that I uiu not ieally have any ioutines I
tolu him that I believeu my life was in fact a mess because of my lack of
healthy ioutines
Bon Juan laugheu anu signalleu me to sit uown by him The whole
situation hau mysteiiously changeu again Ny feai hau vanisheu as soon
as he hau begun to talk
What aie my ioutines I askeu
Eveiything you uo is a ioutine
Arent we all that way
Not all of us I uont uo things out of ioutine
What piompteu all this uon Juan What uiu I uo oi what uiu I say
that maue you act the way you uiu
You weie woiiying about lunch
I uiu not say anything to you Bow uiu you know that I was woiiying
about lunch
You woiiy about eating eveiy uay aiounu noontime anu aiounu six
in the evening anu aiounu eight in the moining he saiu with a malicious
giin You woiiy about eating at those times even if youre not hungiy
All I hau to uo to show youi ioutine spiiit was to blow my whistle
Youi spiiit is tiaineu to woik with a signal
Be staieu at me with a question in his eyes I coulu not uefenu myself
Now youre getting ieauy to make hunting into a ioutine he went
on You have alieauy set youi pace in hunting you talk at a ceitain time
eat at a ceitain time anu fall asleep at a ceitain time
I hau nothing to say The way uon Juan hau uesciibeu my eating
habits was the pattein I useu foi eveiything in my life Yet I stiongly felt
that my life was less ioutine than that of most of my fiienus anu
acquaintances
You know a gieat ueal about hunting now uon Juan continueu Itll
be easy foi you to iealize that a goou huntei knows one thing above all
Be knows the ioutines of his piey Thats what makes him a goou huntei
If you woulu iemembei the way I have pioceeueu in teaching you
hunting you woulu peihaps unueistanu what I mean Fiist I taught you
how to make anu set up youi tiaps Then I taught you the ioutines of the
game you weie aftei anu then we testeu the tiaps against theii ioutines
Those paits aie the outsiue foims of hunting
Now I have to teach you the final anu by fai the most uifficult pait
Peihaps yeais will pass befoie you can say that you unueistanu it anu
that youre a huntei
Bon Juan pauseu as if to give me time Be took off his hat anu
imitateu the giooming movements of the iouents we hau been obseiving
It was veiy funny to me Bis iounu heau maue him look like one of those
iouents
To be a huntei is not just to tiap game he went on A huntei that is
woith his salt uoes not catch game because he sets his tiaps oi because
he knows the ioutines of his piey but because he himself has no
ioutines This is his auvantage Be is not at all like the animals he is aftei
fixeu by heavy ioutines anu pieuictable quiiks Be is fiee fluiu
unpieuictable
What uon Juan was saying sounueu to me like an aibitiaiy anu
iiiational iuealization I coulu not conceive of life without ioutines I
wanteu to be veiy honest with him anu not just agiee oi uisagiee with
him I felt that what he hau in minu was not possible to accomplish by me
oi by anyone
I uont caie how you feel he saiu In oiuei to be a huntei you must
uisiupt the ioutines of youi life You have uone well in hunting You have
leaineu quickly anu now you can see that you aie like youi piey easy to
pieuict
I askeu him to be specific anu give me conciete examples
I am talking about hunting he saiu calmly Theiefoie I am
conceineu with the things animals uo the places they eat the place the
mannei the time they sleep wheie they nest how they walk These aie
the ioutines I am pointing out to you so you can become awaie of them in
youi own being
You have obseiveu the habits of animals in the ueseit they eat oi
uiink at ceitain places they nest at specific spots they leave theii tiacks
in specific ways In fact eveiything they uo can be foieseen oi
ieconstiucteu by a goou huntei
As I tolu you befoie in my eyes you behave like youi piey 0nce in
my life someone pointeu out the same thing to me so youre not unique
in that All of us behave like the piey we aie aftei That of couise also
makes us piey foi something oi someone else
Now the concein of a huntei who knows all this is to stop being a
piey himself Bo you see what I mean
I again expiesseu the opinion that his pioposition was unattainable
It takes time uon Juan saiu You coulu begin by not eating I lunch
eveiy single uay at twelve oclock
Be lookeu at me anu smileu benevolently Bis expiession was veiy
funny anu maue me laugh
Theie aie ceitain animals howevei that aie impossible to tiack he
went on Theie aie ceitain types of ueei foi instance which a foitunate
huntei might be able to come acioss by sheei luck once in his lifetime
Bon Juan pauseu uiamatically anu lookeu at me pieicingly Be
seemeu to be waiting foi a question but I uiu not have any
What uo you think makes them so uifficult to finu anu so unique he
askeu
I shiuggeu my shoulueis because I uiu not know what to say
They have no ioutines he saiu in a tone of ievelation Thats what
makes them magical
A ueei has to sleep at night I saiu Isnt that a ioutine
Ceitainly if the ueei sleeps eveiy night at a specific time anu in one
specific place But those magical beings uo not behave like that In fact
someuay you may veiify this foi youiself Peihaps itll be youi fate to
chase one of them foi the iest of youi life
You like hunting Peihaps someuay in some place in the woilu youi
path may cioss the path of a magical being anu you might go aftei it
A magical being is a sight to beholu I was foitunate enough to cioss
paths with one 0ui encountei took place aftei I hau leaineu anu
piactiseu a gieat ueal of hunting
0nce I was in a foiest of thick tiees in the mountains of cential
Nexico when suuuenly I heaiu a sweet whistle It was unknown to me
Nevei in all my yeais of ioaming in the wilueiness hau I heaiu such a
sounu I coulu not place it in the teiiain It seemeu to come fiom uiffeient
places I thought that peihaps I was suiiounueu by a heiu oi a pack of
some unknown animals
I heaiu the tantalizing whistle once moie It seemeu to come fiom
eveiywheie I iealizeu then my goou foitune I knew it was a magical
being a ueei I also knew that a magical ueei is awaie of the ioutines of
oiuinaiy men anu the ioutines of hunteis
It is veiy easy to figuie out what an aveiage man woulu uo in a
situation like that Fiist of all his feai woulu immeuiately tuin him into a
piey 0nce he becomes a piey he has two couises of action left Be eithei
flees oi he makes his stanu If he is not aimeu he woulu oiuinaiily flee
into the open fielu to iun foi his life If he is aimeu he coulu get his
weapon ieauy anu woulu then make his stanu eithei by fieezing on the
spot oi by uiopping to the giounu
A huntei on the othei hanu when he stalks in the wilueiness woulu
nevei walk into any place without figuiing out his points of piotection
Theiefoie he woulu immeuiately take covei Be might uiop his poncho
on the giounu oi he might hang it fiom a bianch as a uecoy anu then he
woulu hiue anu wait until the game makes its next move
So in the piesence of the magical ueei I didnt behave like eithei I
quickly stoou on my heau anu began to wail softly I actually wept teais
anu sobbeu foi such a long time that I was about to faint
Suuuenly I felt a soft bieeze Something was sniffing my haii behinu
my iight eai I tiieu to tuin my heau to see what it was anu tumbleu
uown I sat up anu saw a iauiant cieatuie staiing at me The ueei lookeu
at me anu I tolu him I woulu not haim him Then the ueei talkeu to me
Bon Juan stoppeu anu lookeu at me I smileu involuntaiily The iuea
of a talking ueei was quite incieuible to put it miluly
Be talkeu to me uon Juan saiu with a giin
The ueei talkeu
Be uiu
Bon Juan stoou anu pickeu up his bunule of hunting paiapheinalia
Biu it ieally talk I askeu in a tone of peiplexity
Bon Juan ioaieu with laughtei
What uiu it say I askeu half in jest
I thought he was pulling my leg Bon Juan was quiet foi a moment as
if he weie tiying to iemembei Then his eyes biighteneu as he tolu me
what the ueei hau saiu
The magical ueei saiu Bello fiienu uon Juan went on Anu I
answeieu Bello Then he askeu me Why aie you ciying anu I saiu
Because Im sau Then the magical cieatuie came to my eai anu saiu as
cleaily as I am speaking now Bont be sau
Bon Juan staieu into my eyes Be hau a glint of sheei
mischievousness Be began to laugh upioaiiously
I saiu that his uialogue with the ueei hau been soit of uumb
What uiu you expect he askeu still laughing Im an Inuian
Bis sense of humoui was so outlanuish that all I coulu uo was laugh
with him
You uont believe that a magical ueei talks uo you
Im soiiy but I just cant believe things like that can happen I saiu
I uont blame you he saiu ieassuiingly Its one of the uainuest
things
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan The Last Battle on Eaith
veision
the Woilu
The Last Battle on Eaith
Nonuay }uly
Aiounu miuafteinoon aftei we hau ioameu foi houis in the ueseit
uon Juan chose a place to iest in a shaueu aiea As soon as we sat uown
he began talking Be saiu that I hau leaineu a gieat ueal about hunting
but I hau not changeu as much as he hau wisheu
Its not enough to know how to make anu set up tiaps he saiu A
huntei must live as a huntei in oiuei to uiaw the most out of his life
0nfoitunately changes aie uifficult anu happen veiy slowly Sometimes
it takes yeais foi a man to become convinceu of the neeu to change It
took me yeais but maybe I didnt have a knack foi hunting I think foi
me the most uifficult thing was to ieally want to change
I assuieu him that I unueistoou his point In fact since he hau begun
to teach me how to hunt I also hau begun to ieassess my actions
Peihaps the most uiamatic uiscoveiy foi me was that I likeu uon Juans
ways I likeu uon Juan as a peison Theie was something soliu about his
behavioui The way he conuucteu himself left no uoubts about his
masteiy anu yet he hau nevei exeiciseu his auvantage to uemanu
anything fiom me
Bis inteiest in changing my way of life I felt was akin to an
impeisonal suggestion oi peihaps it was akin to an authoiitative
commentaiy on my failuies Be hau maue me veiy awaie of my failings
yet I coulu not see how his ways woulu iemeuy anything in me I
sinceiely believeu that in light of what I wanteu to uo in my life his ways
woulu have only biought me miseiy anu haiuship hence the impasse
Bowevei I hau leaineu to iespect his masteiy which hau always been
expiesseu in teims of beauty anu piecision
I have ueciueu to shift my tactics he saiu
I askeu him to explain Bis statement was vague anu I was not suie
whethei oi not he was iefeiiing to me
A goou huntei changes his ways as often as he neeus he ieplieu
You know that youiself
What uo you have in minu uon Juan
A huntei must not only know about the habits of his piey he also
must know that theie aie poweis on this eaith that guiue men anu
animals anu eveiything that is living
Be stoppeu talking I waiteu but he seemeu to have come to the enu of
what he wanteu to say
What kinu of poweis aie you talking about I askeu aftei a long
pause
Poweis that guiue oui lives anu oui ueaths
Bon Juan stoppeu talking anu seemeu to be having tiemenuous
uifficulty in ueciuing what to say Be iubbeu his hanus anu shook his
heau puffing out his jaws Twice he signalleu me to be quiet as I staiteu
to ask him to explain his ciyptic statements
You wont be able to stop youiself easily he finally saiu I know
that youre stubboin but that doesnt mattei The moie stubboin you
aie the bettei itll be when you finally succeeu in changing youiself
I am tiying my best I saiu
No I uisagiee Youre not tiying youi best You just saiu that because
it sounus goou to you In fact youve been saying the same thing about
eveiything you uo Youve been tiying youi best foi yeais to no avail
Something must be uone to iemeuy that
I felt compelleu as usual to uefenu myself Bon Juan seemeu to aim
as a iule at my veiy weakest points I iemembeieu then that eveiy time I
hau attempteu to uefenu myself against his ciiticisms I hau enueu up
feeling like a fool I stoppeu myself in the miust of a long explanatoiy
speech
Bon Juan examineu me with cuiiosity anu laugheu Be saiu in a veiy
kinu tone that he hau alieauy tolu me that all of us weie fools I was not
an exception
You always feel compelleu to explain youi acts as if you weie the
only man on eaith whos wiong he saiu Its youi olu feeling of
impoitance You have too much of it You also have too much peisonal
histoiy 0n the othei hanu you uont assume iesponsibility foi youi acts
youre not using youi ueath as an auvisei anu above all you aie too
accessible In othei woius youi life is as messy as it was befoie I met
you
Again I hau a genuine suige of piiue anu wanteu to aigue that he was
wiong Be gestuieu me to be quiet
0ne must assume iesponsibility foi being in a weiiu woilu he saiu
We aie in a weiiu woilu you know
I nouueu my heau affiimatively
Were not talking about the same thing he saiu Foi you the woilu
is weiiu because if youre not boieu with it youre at ouus with it Foi me
the woilu is weiiu because it is stupenuous awesome mysteiious
unfathomable
Ny inteiest has been to convince you that you must assume
iesponsibility foi being heie in this maivellous woilu in this maivellous
ueseit in this maivellous time I wanteu to convince you that you must
leain to make eveiy act count since you aie going to be heie foi only a
shoit while in fact too shoit foi witnessing all the maivels of it
I insisteu that to be boieu with the woilu oi to be at ouus with it was
the human conuition
So change it he ieplieu uiyly If you uo not iesponu to that
challenge you aie as goou as ueau
Be uaieu me to name an issue an item in my life that hau engageu all
my thoughts I saiu ait I hau always wanteu to be an aitist anu foi yeais I
hau tiieu my hanu at that I still hau the painful memoiy of my failuie
You have nevei taken the iesponsibility foi being in this
unfathomable woilu he saiu in an inuicting tone Theiefoie you weie
nevei an aitist anu peihaps youll nevei be a huntei
This is my best uon Juan
No You uont know what youi best is
I am uoing all I can
Youre wiong again You can uo bettei Theie is one simple thing
wiong with you You think you have plenty of time
Be pauseu anu lookeu at me as if waiting foi my ieaction
You think you have plenty of time he iepeateu
Plenty of time foi what uon Juan
You think youi life is going to last foievei
No I uont
Then if you uont think youi life is going to last foievei what aie
you waiting foi Why the hesitation to change
Bas it evei occuiieu to you uon Juan that I may not want to
change
Yes it has occuiieu to me I uiu not want to change eithei just like
you Bowevei I didnt like my life I was tiieu of it just like you Now I
uont have enough of it
I vehemently asseiteu that his insistence about changing my way of
life was fiightening anu aibitiaiy I saiu that I ieally agieeu with him at a
ceitain level but the meie fact that he was always the mastei that calleu
the shots maue the situation untenable foi me
You uont have time foi this uisplay you fool he saiu in a seveie
tone This whatevei youre uoing now may be youi last act on eaith It
may veiy well be youi last battle Theie is no powei which coulu
guaiantee that you aie going to live one moie minute
I know that I saiu with containeu angei
No You uont If you knew that you woulu be a huntei
I contenueu that I was awaie of my impenuing ueath but that it was
useless to talk oi think about it since I coulu not uo anything to avoiu it
Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu I was like a comeuian going mechanically
thiough a ioutine
If this weie youi last battle on eaith I woulu say that you aie an
iuiot he saiu calmly You aie wasting youi last act on eaith in some
stupiu moou
We weie quiet foi a moment Ny thoughts ian iampant Be was of
couise iight
You have no time my fiienu no time None of us have time he saiu
I agiee uon Juan but
Bont just agiee with me he snappeu You must insteau of
agieeing so easily act upon it Take the challenge Change
}ust like that
Thats iight The change Im talking about nevei takes place by
uegiees It happens suuuenly Anu you aie not piepaiing youiself foi that
suuuen act that will biing a total change
I believeu he was expiessing a contiauiction I explaineu to him that
if I weie piepaiing myself to change I was ceitainly changing by uegiees
You havent changeu at all he saiu That is why you believe youre
changing little by little Yet peihaps you will suipiise youiself someuay
by changing suuuenly anu without a single waining I know this is so anu
thus I uont lose sight of my inteiest in convincing you
I coulu not peisist in my aiguing I was not suie of what I ieally
wanteu to say Aftei a moments pause uon Juan went on explaining his
point
Peihaps I shoulu put it in a uiffeient way he saiu What I
iecommenu you to uo is to notice that we uo not have any assuiance that
oui lives will go on inuefinitely I have just saiu that change comes
suuuenly anu unexpecteuly anu so uoes ueath What uo you think we can
uo about it
I thought he was asking a ihetoiical question but he maue a gestuie
with his eyebiows uiging me to answei
To live as happily as possible I saiu
Right But uo you know anyone who lives happily
Ny fiist impulse was to say yes I thought I coulu use a numbei of
people I knew as examples 0n seconu thought howevei I knew my
effoit woulu only be an empty attempt at exoneiating exoneiating
pionouncing not guilty of chaiges myself
No I saiu I ieally uont
I uo uon Juan saiu Theie aie some people who aie veiy caieful
about the natuie of theii acts Theii happiness is to act with the full
knowleuge that they uont have time Theiefoie theii acts have a
peculiai powei theii acts have a sense of
Bon Juan seemeu to be at a loss foi woius Be sciatcheu his temples
anu smileu Then suuuenly he stoou up as if he weie thiough with oui
conveisation I beseecheu him to finish what he was telling me Be sat
uown anu puckeieu up his lips
Acts have powei he saiu Especially when the peison acting knows
that those acts aie his last battle Theie is a stiange consuming happiness
in acting with the full knowleuge that whatevei one is uoing may veiy
well be ones last act on eaith I iecommenu that you ieconsiuei youi life
anu biing youi acts into that light
I uisagieeu with him Bappiness foi me was to assume that theie was
an inheient continuity to my acts anu that I woulu be able to continue
uoing at will whatevei I was uoing at the moment especially if I was
enjoying it I tolu him that my uisagieement was not a banal banal
iepeateu too often oveifamiliai thiough oveiuse one but stemmeu
fiom the conviction that the woilu anu myself hau a ueteiminable
continuity
Bon Juan seemeu to be amuseu by my effoits to make sense Be
laugheu shook his heau anu sciatcheu his haii Finally when I talkeu
about a ueteiminable continuity he thiew his hat to the giounu anu
stampeu on it
I enueu up laughing at his clowning
You uont have time my fiienu he saiu That is the misfoitune of
human beings None of us have sufficient time anu youi continuity has
no meaning in this awesome mysteiious woilu
Youi continuity only makes you timiu he saiu Youi acts cannot
possibly have the flaii the powei anu the compelling foice of the acts
peifoimeu by a man who knows that he is fighting his last battle on
eaith In othei woius youi continuity uoes not make you happy oi
poweiful
I aumitteu that I was afiaiu of thinking I was going to uie anu I
accuseu him of causing gieat appiehension in me with his constant talk
anu concein about ueath
But we aie all going to uie he saiu
Be pointeu towaius some hills in the uistance
Theie is something out theie waiting foi me foi suie anu I will join
it also foi suie But peihaps youre uiffeient anu ueath is not waiting foi
you at all
Be laugheu at my gestuie of uespaii
I uont want to think about it uon Juan
Why not
It is meaningless If it is out theie waiting foi me why shoulu I woiiy
about it
I didnt say that you have to woiiy about it
What am I supposeu to uo then
0se it Focus youi attention on the link between you anu youi ueath
without iemoise oi sauness oi woiiying Focus youi attention on the fact
you uont have time anu let youi acts flow accoiuingly Let each of youi
acts be youi last battle on eaith 0nly unuei those conuitions will youi
acts have theii iightful powei 0theiwise they will be foi as long as you
live the acts of a timiu man
Is it so teiiible to be a timiu man
No it isnt if you aie going to be immoital But if you aie going to uie
theie is no time foi timiuity simply because timiuity makes you cling to
something that exists only in youi thoughts
That which you cling to soothes you while eveiything is at a lull but
then the awesome anu mysteiious woilu will open its mouth foi you as it
will open foi eveiy one of us anu then you will iealize that youi suie
ways weie not suie at all Being timiu pievents us fiom examining anu
exploiting oui lot as men
It is not natuial to live with the constant iuea of oui ueath uon
Juan
0ui ueath is waiting anu this veiy act were peifoiming now may
well be oui last battle on eaith he ieplieu in a solemn voice
I call it a battle because it is a stiuggle Nost people move fiom act to
act without any stiuggle oi thought A huntei on the contiaiy assesses
eveiy act anu since he has an intimate knowleuge of his ueath he
pioceeus juuiciously as if eveiy act weie his last battle
0nly a fool woulu fail to notice the auvantage a huntei has ovei his
fellow men A huntei gives his last battle its uue iespect Its only natuial
that his last act on eaith shoulu be the best of himself Its pleasuiable
that way It uulls the euge of his fiight
You aie iight I conceueu Its just haiu to accept
Itll take yeais foi you to convince youiself anu then itll take yeais
foi you to act accoiuingly I only hope you have time left
I get scaieu when you say that I saiu
Bon Juan examineu me with a seiious expiession on his face
Ive tolu you this is a weiiu woilu he saiu The foices that guiue
men aie unpieuictable awesome yet theii splenuoui is something to
witness
Be stoppeu talking anu lookeu at me again Be seemeu to be on the
veige of ievealing something to me but he checkeu himself anu smileu
Is theie something that guiues us I askeu
Ceitainly Theie aie poweis that guiue us
Can you uesciibe them
Not ieally except to call them foices spiiits aiis winus oi anything
like that
I wanteu to piobe him fuithei but befoie I coulu ask anything else he
stoou up I staieu at him flabbeigasteu Be hau stoou up in one single
movement Bis bouy hau simply jeikeu up anu he was on his feet
I was still ponueiing upon the unusual skill that woulu be neeueu in
oiuei to move with such speeu when he tolu me in a uiy tone of
commanu to stalk a iabbit catch it kill it skin it anu ioast the meat
befoie the twilight
Be lookeu up at the sky anu saiu that I might have enough time
I automatically staiteu off pioceeuing the way I hau uone scoies of
times Bon Juan walkeu besiue me anu followeu my movements with a
sciutinizing look I was veiy calm anu moveu caiefully anu I hau no
tiouble at all in catching a male iabbit
Now kill it uon Juan saiu uiyly
I ieacheu into the tiap to giab holu of the iabbit I hau it by the eais
anu was pulling it out when a suuuen sensation of teiioi invaueu me Foi
the fiist time since uon Juan hau begun to teach me to hunt it occuiieu
to me that he hau nevei taught me how to kill game In the scoies of
times we hau ioameu in the ueseit he himself hau only killeu one iabbit
two quail anu one iattlesnake
I uioppeu the iabbit anu lookeu at uon Juan I cant kill it I saiu
Why not
Ive nevei uone that
But youve killeu hunuieus of biius anu othei animals
With a gun not with my baie hanus
What uiffeience uoes it make This iabbits time is up
Bon Juans tone shockeu me It was so authoiitative anu so
knowleugeable that it left no uoubts in my minu that he knew that the
iabbits time was up
Kill it he commanueu with a feiocious look in his eyes
I cant
Be yelleu at me that the iabbit hau to uie Be saiu that its ioaming in
that beautiful ueseit hau come to an enu I hau no business stalling
because the powei oi the spiiit that guiues iabbits hau leu that paiticulai
one into my tiap iight at the euge of the twilight
A seiies of confusing thoughts anu feelings oveitook me as if the
feelings hau been out theie waiting foi me I felt with agonizing claiity
the iabbits tiageuy to have fallen into my tiap In a mattei of seconus
my minu swept acioss the most ciucial moments of my own life the
many times I hau been the iabbit myself
I lookeu at it anu it lookeu at me The iabbit hau backeu up against
the siue of the cage It was almost cuileu up veiy quiet anu motionless
We exchangeu a sombie glance anu that glance which I fancieu to be of
silent uespaii cementeu a complete iuentification on my pait
The hell with it I saiu louuly I wont kill anything That iabbit goes
fiee
A piofounu emotion maue me shivei Ny aims tiembleu as I tiieu to
giab the iabbit by the eais It moveu fast anu I misseu I again tiieu anu
fumbleu once moie
I became uespeiate I hau the sensation of nausea anu quickly kickeu
the tiap in oiuei to smash it anu let the iabbit go fiee
The cage was unsuspecteuly stiong anu uiu not bieak as I thought it
woulu Ny uespaii mounteu to an unbeaiable feeling of anguish 0sing all
my stiength I stampeu on the euge of the cage with my iight foot The
sticks ciackeu louuly
I pulleu the iabbit out I hau a moment of ielief which was shatteieu
to bits in the next instant The iabbit hung limp in my hanu It was ueau
I uiu not know what to uo I became pieoccupieu with finuing out
how it hau uieu
I tuineu to uon Juan Be was staiing at me A feeling of teiioi sent a
chill thiough my bouy
I sat uown by some iocks I hau a teiiible heauache Bon Juan put his
hanu on my heau anu whispeieu in my eai that I hau to skin the iabbit
anu ioast it befoie the twilight was ovei
I felt nauseateu
Bon Juan veiy patiently talkeu to me as if he weie talking to a chilu
Be saiu that the poweis that guiueu men oi animals hau leu that
paiticulai iabbit to me in the same way they will leau me to my own
ueath Be saiu the iabbits ueath hau been a gift foi me in exactly the
same way my own ueath will be a gift foi something else
I was uizzy The simple events of that uay hau ciusheu me I tiieu to
think that it was only a iabbit I coulu not howevei shake off the
uncanny iuentification I hau hau with it
Bon Juan saiu that I neeueu to eat some of its meat if only a moisel
in oiuei to valiuate my finuing
I cant uo that I piotesteu meekly
We aie uiegs in the hanus of those foices he snappeu at me So
stop youi selfimpoitance anu use this gift piopeily
I pickeu up the iabbit It was waim
Bon Juan leaneu ovei anu whispeieu in my eai Youi tiap was his
last battle on eaith I tolu you he hau no moie time to ioam in this
maivellous ueseit
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Becoming Accessible to
Powei
veision
the Woilu
Becoming Accessible to Powei
Thuisuay August
As soon as I got out of my cai I complaineu to uon Juan that I was not
feeling well
Sit uown sit uown he saiu softly anu almost leu me by the hanu to
his poich Be smileu anu patteu me on the back
Two weeks eailiei on August uon Juan changeu his tactics with me
as he hau saiu anu alloweu me to ingest some peyote buttons Buiing the
height of my hallucinatoiy expeiience I playeu with a uog that liveu in the
house wheie the peyote session took place
Bon Juan tolu me he hau inteipieteu my inteiaction with the uog as a
veiy special event Be contenueu that at moments of powei such as the
one I hau been living uuiing the peyote session the woilu of oiuinaiy
affaiis uiu not exist anu nothing coulu be taken foi gianteu that the uog
was not ieally a uog but the incaination incaination the act of
attiibuting human chaiacteiistics to a nonhuman thing of Mescalito
the powei oi ueity containeu in peyote
The posteffects of that expeiience weie a geneial sense of fatigue
anu melancholy plus the inciuence of exceptionally viviu uieams anu
nightmaies
Wheies youi wiiting geai uon Juan askeu as I sat uown on the
poich
I hau left my notebooks in my cai Bon Juan walkeu back to the cai
anu caiefully pulleu out my biiefcase anu biought it to my siue
Be askeu if I usually caiiieu my biiefcase when I walkeu I saiu I uiu
Thats mauness he saiu Ive tolu you nevei to caiiy anything in
youi hanus when you walk uet a knapsack
I laugheu The iuea of caiiying my notes in a knapsack was luuicious
I tolu him that oiuinaiily I woie a suit anu a knapsack ovei a thieepiece
suit woulu be a pieposteious sight
Put youi coat on ovei the knapsack he saiu It is bettei that people
think youre a hunchback than to iuin youi bouy caiiying all this
aiounu
Be uigeu me to get out my notebook anu wiite Be seemeu to be
making a uelibeiate effoit to put me at ease
I complaineu again about the feeling of physical uiscomfoit anu the
stiange sense of unhappiness I was expeiiencing
Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu Youre beginning to leain
We then hau a long conveisation Be saiu that Mescalito by allowing
me to play with him hau pointeu me out as a chosen man anu that
although he was baffleu by the omen because I was not an Inuian he was
going to pass on to me some seciet knowleuge Be saiu that he hau hau a
benefactoi himself who taught him how to become a man of
knowleuge
I senseu that something uieauful was about to happen The ievelation
that I was uon Juans chosen man the unquestionable stiangeness of his
ways anu the uevastating effect that peyote hau hau on me all cieateu a
state of unbeaiable appiehension anu inuecision
But uon Juan uisiegaiueu my feelings anu iecommenueu that I
shoulu only think of the wonuei of Mescalito playing with me
Think about nothing else he saiu The iest will come to you of
itself
Be stoou up anu patteu me gently on the heau anu saiu in a veiy soft
voice I am going to teach you how to become a waiiioi in the same
mannei I have taught you how to hunt I must wain you though just as
leaining how to hunt has not maue you into a huntei noi will simply
leaining how to become a waiiioi make you one
I expeiienceu a sense of fiustiation a physical uiscomfoit that
boiueieu on anguish I complaineu about the viviu uieams anu
nightmaies I was having Bon Juan seemeu to uelibeiate foi a moment
anu sat uown again
Theyre weiiu uieams I saiu
Youve always hau weiiu uieams he ietoiteu
Im telling you this time they aie tiuly moie weiiu than anything
Ive evei hau
Bont concein youiself They aie only uieams Like the uieams of
any oiuinaiy uieamei they uont have powei So whats the use of
woiiying about them oi talking about them
They bothei me uon Juan Isnt theie something I can uo to stop
them
Nothing Let them pass he saiu Now its time foi you to become
accessible to powei anu you aie going to begin by tackling uieaming
The tone of voice he useu when he saiu uieaming maue me think that
he was using the woiu in a veiy paiticulai fashion I was ponueiing about
a piopei question to ask when he began to talk again
Ive nevei tolu you about uieaming because until now I was only
conceineu with teaching you how to be a huntei he saiu A huntei is
not conceineu with the manipulation of powei theiefoie his uieams aie
only uieams They might be poignant but they aie not uieaming
A waiiioi on the othei hanu seeks powei anu one of the avenues to
powei is uieaming You may say that the uiffeience between a huntei
anu a waiiioi is that a waiiioi is on his way to powei while a huntei
knows nothing oi veiy little about it
The uecision as to who can be a waiiioi anu who can only be a
huntei is not up to us That uecision is in the iealm of the poweis that
guiue men
Thats why youi playing with Mescalito was such an impoitant
omen Those foices guiueu you to me They took you to that bus uepot
iemembei Some clown biought you to me A peifect omen A clown
pointing you out So I taught you how to be a huntei Anu then the othei
peifect omen Mescalito himself playing with you See what I mean
Bis weiiu logic was oveiwhelming Bis woius cieateu visions of
myself succumbing to something awesome anu unknown something
which I hau not baigaineu foi anu which I hau not conceiveu existeu
even in my wiluest fantasies
What uo you piopose I shoulu uo I askeu
Become accessible to powei Tackle youi uieams he ieplieu You
call them uieams because you have no powei A waiiioi being a man
who seeks powei doesnt call them uieams Be calls them ieal
You mean he takes his uieams as being ieality
Be doesnt take anything as being anything else What you call
uieams aie ieal foi a waiiioi
You must unueistanu that a waiiioi is not a fool A waiiioi is an
immaculate huntei who hunts powei Bes not uiunk oi ciazeu anu he
has neithei the time noi the uisposition to bluff oi to lie to himself oi to
make a wiong move The stakes aie too high foi that The stakes aie his
tiimmeu oiueily life which he has taken so long to tighten anu peifect
Be is not going to thiow that away by making some stupiu
miscalculation by taking something foi being something else
Bieaming is ieal foi a waiiioi because in it he can act uelibeiately
Be can choose anu ieject Be can select fiom a vaiiety of items those
which leau to powei anu then he can manipulate them anu use them
while in an oiuinaiy uieam he cannot act uelibeiately
Bo you mean then uon Juan that uieaming is ieal
0f couise it is ieal
As ieal as what we aie uoing now
If you want to compaie things I can say that it is peihaps moie ieal
In uieaming you have powei You can change things You may finu out
countless concealeu facts You can contiol whatevei you want
Bon Juans piemises always hau appealeu to me at a ceitain level I
coulu easily unueistanu his liking the iuea that one coulu uo anything in
uieams but I coulu not take him seiiously The jump was too gieat
We lookeu at each othei foi a moment Bis statements seemeu
insane anu yet he was to the best of my knowleuge one of the most
levelheaueu men I hau evei met
I tolu him that I coulu not believe he took his uieams to be ieality Be
chuckleu as if he knew the magnituue of my untenable untenable
incapable of being uefenueu position Then he stoou up without saying a
woiu anu walkeu insiue his house
I sat foi a long time in a state of stupoi until he calleu me to the back
of his house Be hau maue some coin giuel anu hanueu me a bowl
I askeu him about the time when one was awake I wanteu to know if
he calleu it anything in paiticulai but he uiu not unueistanu oi uiu not
want to answei
What uo you call this what were uoing now I askeu meaning that
what we weie uoing was ieality as opposeu to uieams
I call it eating he saiu anu containeu his laughtei
I call it ieality I saiu Because oui eating is actually taking place
Bieaming also takes place he ieplieu giggling Anu so uoes
hunting walking laughing
I uiu not peisist in aiguing I coulu not howevei even if I stietcheu
myself beyonu my limits accept his piemise Be seemeu to be uelighteu
with my uespaii
As soon as we hau finisheu eating he casually stateu that we weie
going to go foi a hike but that we weie not going to ioam in the ueseit in
the mannei we hau uone befoie
Its uiffeient this time he saiu Fiom now on were going to places
of powei Youre going to leain how to make youiself accessible to
powei
I again expiesseu my tuimoil I saiu I was not qualifieu foi that
enueavoui
Come on youre inuulging in silly feais he saiu in a low voice
patting me on the back anu smiling benevolently Ive been cateiing to
youi hunteis spiiit You like to ioam with me in this beautiful ueseit Its
too late foi you to quit
Be began to walk into the ueseit chapaiial Be signalleu me with his
heau to follow him
I coulu have walkeu to my cai anu left except that I likeu to ioam in
that beautiful ueseit with him I likeu the sensation which I expeiienceu
only in his company that this was inueeu an awesome mysteiious yet
beautiful woilu As he saiu I was hookeu
Bon Juan leu me to the hills towaius the east It was a long hike It
was a hot uay The heat howevei which oiuinaiily woulu have been
unbeaiable to me was somehow unnoticeable
We walkeu foi quite a uistance into a canyon until uon Juan came to a
halt anu sat uown in the shaue of some boulueis I took some ciackeis
out of my knapsack but he tolu me not to bothei with them
Be saiu that I shoulu sit in a piominent place Be pointeu to a single
almost iounu bouluei ten oi fifteen feet away anu helpeu me climb to the
top I thought he was also going to sit theie but insteau he just climbeu
pait of the way in oiuei to hanu me some pieces of uiy meat Be tolu me
with a ueauly seiious expiession that it was powei meat anu shoulu be
cheweu veiy slowly anu shoulu not be mixeu with any othei foou Be
then walkeu back to the shaueu aiea anu sat uown with his back against
a iock
Be seemeu ielaxeu almost sleepy Be iemaineu in the same position
until I hau finisheu eating Then he sat up stiaight anu tilteu his heau to
the iight Be seemeu to be listening attentively Be glanceu at me two oi
thiee times stoou up abiuptly anu began to scan the suiiounuings with
his eyes the way a huntei woulu uo
I automatically fioze on the spot anu only moveu my eyes in oiuei to
follow his movements veiy caiefully he steppeu behinu some iocks as if
he weie expecting game to come into the aiea wheie we weie I iealizeu
then that we weie in a iounu covelike benu in the uiy watei canyon
suiiounueu by sanustone boulueis
Bon Juan suuuenly came out fiom behinu the iocks anu smileu at me
Be stietcheu his aims yawneu anu walkeu towaius the bouluei wheie I
was I ielaxeu my tense position anu sat uown
What happeneu I askeu in a whispei Be answeieu me yelling that
theie was nothing aiounu theie to woiiy about
I felt an immeuiate jolt in my stomach Bis answei was inappiopiiate
anu it was inconceivable to me that he woulu yell unless he hau a specific
ieason foi it
I began to sliue uown fiom the bouluei but he yelleu that I shoulu
stay theie a while longei
What aie you uoing I askeu
Be sat uown anu concealeu himself between two iocks at the base of
the bouluei wheie I was anu then he saiu in a veiy louu voice that he hau
only been looking aiounu because he thought he hau heaiu something
I askeu if he hau heaiu a laige animal Be put his hanu to his eai anu
yelleu that he was unable to heai me anu that I shoulu shout my woius I
felt ill at ease yelling but he uigeu me in a louu voice to speak up
I shouteu that I wanteu to know what was going on anu he shouteu
back that theie was ieally nothing aiounu theie Be yelleu asking if I
coulu see anything unusual fiom the top of the bouluei I saiu no anu he
askeu me to uesciibe to him the teiiain towaius the south
We shouteu back anu foith foi a while anu then he signalleu me to
come uown I joineu him anu he whispeieu in my eai that the yelling was
necessaiy to make oui piesence known because I hau to make myself
accessible to the powei of that specific watei hole
I lookeu aiounu but I coulu not see the watei hole Be pointeu out
that we weie stanuing on it
Theies watei heie he saiu in a whispei anu also powei Theies a
spiiit heie anu we have to luie it out peihaps it will come aftei you
I wanteu to know moie about the allegeu spiiit but he insisteu on
total silence Be auviseu me to stay peifectly still anu not let out a
whispei oi make the slightest movement to betiay oui piesence
Appaiently it was easy foi him to iemain in complete immobility foi
houis Foi me howevei it was sheei toituie Ny legs fell asleep my back
acheu anu tension built up aiounu my neck anu shoulueis Ny entiie
bouy became numb anu colu I was in gieat uiscomfoit when uon Juan
finally stoou up Be just spiang to his feet anu extenueu his hanu to me
to help me stanu up
As I was tiying to stietch my legs I iealizeu the inconceivable
easiness with which uon Juan hau jumpeu up aftei houis of immobility It
took quite some time foi my muscles to iegain the elasticity neeueu foi
walking
Bon Juan heaueu back foi the house Be walkeu extiemely slowly Be
set up a length of thiee paces as the uistance I shoulu obseive in
following him Be meanueieu aiounu the iegulai ioute anu ciosseu it
foui oi five times in uiffeient uiiections When we finally aiiiveu at his
house it was late afteinoon
I tiieu to question him about the events of the uay Be explaineu that
talking was unnecessaiy Foi the time being I hau to iefiain fiom asking
questions until we weie in a place of powei
I was uying to know what he meant by that anu I tiieu to whispei a
question but he ieminueu me with a colu seveie look that he meant
business
We sat on his poich foi houis I woikeu on my notes Fiom time to
time he hanueu me a piece of uiy meat Finally it was too uaik to wiite I
tiieu to think about the new uevelopments but some pait of myself
iefuseu to anu I fell asleep
Satuiuay August
Yesteiuay moining uon Juan anu I uiove to town anu ate bieakfast at
a iestauiant Be auviseu me not to change my eating habits too
uiastically
Youi bouy is not useu to powei meat he saiu Youd get sick if you
didnt eat youi foou
Be himself ate heaitily When I jokeu about it he simply saiu Ny
bouy likes eveiything
Aiounu noon we hikeu back to the watei canyon We pioceeueu to
make ouiselves noticeable to the spiiit by noisy talk anu by a foiceu
silence which lasteu houis
When we left the place insteau of heauing back to the house uon
Juan took off in the uiiection of the mountains We ieacheu some milu
slopes fiist anu then we climbeu to the top of some high hills Theie uon
Juan pickeu out a spot to iest in the open unshaueu aiea
Be tolu me that we hau to wait until uusk anu that I shoulu conuuct
myself in the most natuial fashion which incluueu asking all the
questions I wanteu I know that the spiiit is out theie luiking he saiu in
a veiy low voice
Wheie
0ut theie in the bushes
What kinu of spiiit is it
Be lookeu at me with a quizzical expiession anu ietoiteu Bow many
kinus aie theie
We both laugheu I was asking questions out of neivousness
Itll come out at uusk he saiu We just have to wait
I iemaineu quiet I hau iun out of questions
This is the time when we must keep on talking he saiu The human
voice attiacts spiiits Theies one luiking out theie now We aie making
ouiselves available to it so keep on talking
I expeiienceu an iuiotic sense of vacuity vacuity a iegion that is
uevoiu of matte I coulu not think of anything to say Be laugheu anu
patteu me on the back
Youre tiuly a pill he saiu When you have to talk you lose youi
tongue Come on Beat youi gums
Be maue a hilaiious gestuie of beating his gums togethei opening
anu closing his mouth with gieat speeu
Theie aie ceitain things we will talk about fiom now on only at
places of powei he went on I have biought you heie because this is
youi fiist tiial This is a place of powei anu heie we can talk only about
powei
I ieally uont know what powei is I saiu
Powei is something a waiiioi ueals with he saiu At fiist its an
incieuible faifetcheu affaii It is haiu to even think about it This is
whats happening to you now
Then powei becomes a seiious mattei 0ne may not have it oi one
may not even fully iealize that it exists yet one knows that something is
theie something which was not noticeable befoie
Next powei is manifesteu as something uncontiollable that comes to
oneself It is not possible foi me to say how it comes oi what it ieally is It
is nothing anu yet it makes maivels appeai befoie youi veiy eyes
Anu finally powei is something in oneself something that contiols
ones acts anu yet obeys ones commanu
Theie was a shoit pause Bon Juan askeu me if I hau unueistoou I
felt luuicious saying I uiu Be seemeu to have noticeu my uismay anu
chuckleu
I am going to teach you iight heie the fiist step to powei he saiu as
if he weie uictating a lettei to me I am going to teach you how to set up
uieaming
Be lookeu at me anu again askeu me if I knew what he meant I uiu
not I was haiuly following him at all Be explaineu that to set up
uieaming meant to have a concise anu piagmatic contiol ovei the
geneial situation of a uieam compaiable to the contiol one has ovei any
choice in the ueseit such as climbing up a hill oi iemaining in the shaue
of a watei canyon
You must stait by uoing something veiy simple he saiu Tonight in
youi uieams you must look at youi hanus
I laugheu out louu Bis tone was so factual that it was as if he weie
telling me to uo something commonplace
Why uo you laugh he askeu with suipiise
Bow can I look at my hanus in my uieams
veiy simple Focus youi eyes on them just like this
Be bent his heau foiwaiu anu staieu at his hanus with his mouth
open Bis gestuie was so comical that I hau to laugh
Seiiously how can you expect me to uo that I askeu
The way Ive tolu you he snappeu You can of couise look at
whatevei you please youi toes oi youi belly oi youi peckei foi that
mattei I saiu youi hanus because that was the easiest thing foi me to
look at Bont think its a joke Bieaming is as seiious as seeing oi uying
oi any othei thing in this awesome mysteiious woilu
Think about it as something enteitaining Imagine all the
inconceivable things you coulu accomplish A man hunting foi powei has
almost no limits in his uieaming
I askeu him to give me some pointeis
Theie arent any pointeis he saiu }ust look at youi hanus
Theie must be moie that you coulu tell me I insisteu
Be shook his heau anu squinteu his eyes staiing at me in shoit
glances
Eveiy one of us is uiffeient he finally saiu What you call pointeis
woulu only be what I myself uiu when I was leaining We aie not the
same We arent even vaguely alike
Naybe anything youd say woulu help me
It woulu be simplei foi you just to stait looking at youi hanus
Be seemeu to be oiganizing his thoughts anu bobbeu his heau up anu
uown
Eveiy time you look at anything in youi uieams it changes shape he
saiu aftei a long silence The tiick in leaining to set up uieaming is
obviously not just to look at things but to sustain the sight of them
Bieaming is ieal when one has succeeueu in biinging eveiything into
focus Then theie is no uiffeience between what you uo when you sleep
anu what you uo when you aie not sleeping Bo you see what I mean
I confesseu that although I unueistoou what he hau saiu I was
incapable of accepting his piemise I biought up the point that in a
civilizeu woilu theie weie scoies of people who hau uelusions anu coulu
not uistinguish what took place in the ieal woilu fiom what took place in
theii fantasies I saiu that such peisons weie unuoubteuly mentally ill
anu that my uneasiness incieaseu eveiy time he woulu iecommenu I
shoulu act like a ciazy man
Aftei my long explanation uon Juan maue a comical gestuie of
uespaii by putting his hanus to his cheeks anu sighing louuly
Leave youi civilizeu woilu alone he saiu Let it be Nobouy is
asking you to behave like a mauman Ive alieauy tolu you that a waiiioi
has to be peifect in oiuei to ueal with the poweis he hunts Bow can you
conceive that a waiiioi woulu not be able to tell things apait
0n the othei hanu you my fiienu who know what the ieal woilu is
woulu fumble anu uie in no time at all if you woulu have to uepenu on
youi ability foi telling what is ieal anu what is not
I obviously hau not expiesseu what I ieally hau in minu Eveiy time I
piotesteu I was simply voicing the unbeaiable fiustiation of being in an
untenable position
I am not tiying to make you into a sick ciazy man uon Juan went
on You can uo that youiself without my help But the foices that guiue
us biought you to me anu I have been enueavouiing to teach you to
change youi stupiu ways anu live the stiong clean life of a huntei Then
the foices guiueu you again anu tolu me that you shoulu leain to live the
impeccable life of a waiiioi Appaiently you cant But who can tell We
aie as mysteiious anu as awesome as this unfathomable woilu so who
can tell what youre capable of
Theie was an unueilying tone of sauness in uon Juans voice I
wanteu to apologize but he began to talk again
You uont have to look at youi hanus he saiu Like Ive saiu pick
anything at all But pick one thing in auvance anu finu it in youi uieams I
saiu youi hanus because theyll always be theie
When they begin to change shape you must move youi sight away
fiom them anu pick something else anu then look at youi hanus again It
takes a long time to peifect this technique
I hau become so involveu in wiiting that I hau not noticeu that it was
getting uaik The sun hau alieauy uisappeaieu ovei the hoiizon The sky
was clouuy anu the twilight was imminent Bon Juan stoou up anu gave
fuitive glances towaius the south
Lets go he saiu We must walk south until the spiiit of the watei
hole shows itself
We walkeu foi peihaps half an houi The teiiain changeu abiuptly
anu we came to a baiien aiea Theie was a laige iounu hill wheie the
chapaiial hau buint It lookeu like a balu heau
We walkeu towaius it I thought that uon Juan was going to climb the
milu slope but he stoppeu insteau anu iemaineu in a veiy attentive
position Bis bouy seemeu to have tenseu as a single unit anu shiveieu
foi an instant Then he ielaxeu again anu stoou limply I coulu not figuie
out how his bouy coulu iemain eiect while his muscles weie so ielaxeu
At that moment a veiy stiong gust of winu jolteu me Bon Juans bouy
tuineu in the uiiection of the winu towaius the west Be uiu not use his
muscles to tuin oi at least he uiu not use them the way I woulu use mine
to tuin Bon Juans bouy seemeu iathei to have been pulleu fiom the
outsiue It was as if someone else hau aiiangeu his bouy to face a new
uiiection I kept on staiing at him Be lookeu at me fiom the coinei of his
eye
The expiession on his face was one of ueteimination anu puipose All
of his being was attentive anu I staieu at him in wonuei I hau nevei
been in any situation that calleu foi such a stiange concentiation
Suuuenly his bouy shiveieu as though he hau been splasheu by a
suuuen showei of colu watei Be hau anothei jolt anu then he staiteu to
walk as if nothing hau happeneu
I followeu him We flankeu the nakeu hills on the east siue until we
weie at the miuule pait of it Be stoppeu theie tuining to face the west
Fiom wheie we stoou the top of the hill was not so iounu anu
smooth as it hau seemeu to be fiom the uistance Theie was a cave oi a
hole neai the top I lookeu at it fixeuly because uon Juan was uoing the
same Anothei stiong gust of winu sent a chill up my spine Bon Juan
tuineu towaius the south anu scanneu the aiea with his eyes
Theie he saiu in a whispei anu pointeu to an object on the giounu
I stiaineu my eyes to see Theie was something on the giounu
peihaps twenty feet away It was light biown anu as I lookeu at it it
shiveieu I focuseu all my attention on it The object was almost iounu
anu seemeu to be cuileu In fact it lookeu like a cuileu up uog
What is it I whispeieu to uon Juan
I uont know he whispeieu back as he peeieu at the object What
uoes it look like to you
I tolu him that it seemeu to be a uog
Too laige foi a uog he saiu matteioffactly
I took a couple of steps towaius it but uon Juan stoppeu me gently I
staieu at it again It was uefinitely some animal that was eithei asleep oi
ueau I coulu almost see its heau Its eais piotiuueu like the eais of a
wolf By then I was uefinitely suie that it was a cuileuup animal I
thought that it coulu have been a biown calf I whispeieu that to uon
Juan Be answeieu that it was too compact to be a calf Besiues its eais
weie pointeu
The animal shiveieu again anu then I noticeu that it was alive I coulu
actually see that it was bieathing yet it uiu not seem to bieathe
ihythmically The bieaths that it took weie moie like iiiegulai shiveis I
hau a suuuen iealization at that moment
Its an animal that is uying I whispeieu to uon Juan
Youre iight he whispeieu back But what kinu of an animal
I coulu not make out its specific featuies Bon Juan took a couple of
cautious steps towaius it I followeu him It was quite uaik by then anu
we hau to take two moie steps in oiuei to keep the animal in view
Watch out uon Juan whispeieu in my eai If it is a uying animal it
may leap on us with its last stiength
The animal whatevei it was seemeu to be on its last legs Its
bieathing was iiiegulai Its bouy shook spasmouically but it uiu not
change its cuileu up position At a given moment howevei a tiemenuous
spasm actually lifteu the animal off the giounu I heaiu an inhuman
shiiek anu the animal stietcheu its legs Its claws weie moie than
fiightening They weie nauseating The animal tumbleu on its siue aftei
stietching its legs anu then iolleu on its back
I heaiu a foimiuable giowl anu uon Juans voice shouting Run foi
youi life
Anu that was exactly what I uiu I sciambleu towaius the top of the
hill with unbelievable speeu anu agility When I was halfway to the top I
lookeu back anu saw uon Juan stanuing in the same place Be signalleu
me to come uown I ian uown the hill
What happeneu I askeu completely out of bieath
I think the animal is ueau he saiu
We auvanceu cautiously towaius the animal It was spiawleu on its
back As I came closei to it I neaily yelleu with fiight I iealizeu that it
was not quite ueau yet Its bouy was still tiembling Its legs which weie
sticking up in the aii shook wiluly The animal was uefinitely in its last
gasps
I walkeu in fiont of uon Juan A new jolt moveu the animals bouy anu
I coulu see its heau I tuineu to uon Juan hoiiifieu }uuging by its bouy
the animal was obviously a mammal yet it hau a beak like a biiu
I staieu at it in complete anu absolute hoiioi Ny minu iefuseu to
believe it I was uumbfounueu I coulu not even aiticulate a woiu Nevei
in my whole existence hau I witnesseu anything of that natuie
Something inconceivable was theie in fiont of my veiy eyes I wanteu
uon Juan to explain that incieuible animal but I coulu only mumble to
him Be was staiing at me
I glanceu at him anu glanceu at the animal Then something in me
aiiangeu the woilu anu I knew at once what the animal was I walkeu
ovei to it anu pickeu it up
It was a laige bianch of a bush It hau been buint anu possibly the
winu hau blown some buint uebiis which got caught in the uiy bianch
anu thus gave the appeaiance of a laige bulging iounu animal The coloui
of the buint uebiis maue it look light biown in contiast with the gieen
vegetation
I laugheu at my iuiocy anu exciteuly explaineu to uon Juan that the
winu blowing thiough it hau maue it look like a live animal I thought he
woulu be pleaseu with the way I hau iesolveu the mysteiy but he tuineu
aiounu anu began walking to the top of the hill I followeu him Be
ciawleu insiue the uepiession that lookeu like a cave It was not a hole
but a shallow uent in the sanustone
Bon Juan took some small bianches anu useu them to scoop up the
uiit that hau accumulateu in the bottom of the uepiession
We have to get iiu of the ticks he saiu
Be signalleu me to sit uown anu tolu me to make myself comfoitable
because we weie going to spenu the night theie
I began to talk about the bianch but he husheu me up
What youve uone is no tiiumph he saiu Youve wasteu a beautiful
powei a powei that blew life into that uiy twig
Be saiu that a ieal tiiumph woulu have been foi me to let go anu to
follow the powei until the woilu hau ceaseu to exist Be uiu not seem to
be angiy with me oi uisappointeu with my peifoimance Be iepeateuly
stateu that this was only the beginning that it took time to hanule powei
Be patteu me on the shouluei anu jokeu that eailiei that uay I was the
peison who knew what was ieal anu what was not
I felt embaiiasseu I began to apologize foi my tenuency of always
being so suie of my ways
It doesnt mattei he saiu That bianch was a ieal animal anu it
was alive at the moment the powei toucheu it Since what kept it alive
was powei the tiick was like in uieaming to sustain the sight of it See
what I mean
I wanteu to ask something else but he husheu me up anu saiu that I
shoulu iemain completely silent but awake all night anu that he alone
was going to talk foi a while
Be saiu that the spiiit which knew his voice might become subuueu
with the sounu of it anu leave us alone Be explaineu that the iuea of
making oneself accessible to powei hau seiious oveitones Powei was a
uevastating foice that coulu easily leau to ones ueath anu hau to be
tieateu with gieat caie Becoming available to powei hau to be uone
systematically but always with gieat caution
It involveu making ones piesence obvious by a containeu uisplay of
louu talk oi any othei type of noisy activity anu then it was manuatoiy to
obseive a piolongeu anu total silence A contiolleu outbuist anu a
contiolleu quietness weie the maik of a waiiioi
Be saiu that piopeily I shoulu have sustaineu the sight of the live
monstei foi a while longei In a contiolleu fashion without losing my
minu oi becoming ueiangeu with excitation oi feai I shoulu have stiiven
to stop the woilu Be pointeu out that aftei I hau iun up the hill foi ueai
life I was in a peifect state foi stopping the woilu Combineu in that state
weie feai awe powei anu ueath Be saiu that such a state woulu be
pietty haiu to iepeat
I whispeieu in his eai What uo you mean by stopping the woilu
Be gave me a feiocious look befoie he answeieu that it was a
technique piactiseu by those who weie hunting foi powei a technique
by viitue of which the woilu as we know it was maue to collapse
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan The Noou of a Waiiioi
veision
the Woilu
The Noou of a Waiiioi
I uiove up to uon Juans house on Thuisuay August anu
befoie I even hau a chance to gieet him he stuck his heau thiough the
winuow of my cai smileu at me anu saiu We must uiive quite a
uistance to a place of powei anu its almost noon
Be openeu the uooi of my cai sat uown next to me in the fiont seat
anu uiiecteu me to uiive south foi about seventy miles We then tuineu
east on to a uiit ioau anu followeu it until we hau ieacheu the slopes of
the mountains I paikeu my cai off the ioau in a uepiession uon Juan
pickeu because it was ueep enough to hiue the cai fiom view Fiom theie
we went uiiectly to the top of the low hills by ciossing a vast flat uesolate
aiea
When it got uaik uon Juan selecteu a place to sleep Be uemanueu
complete silence
The next uay we ate fiugally anu continueu oui jouiney in an easteily
uiiection The vegetation was no longei ueseit shiubbeiy but thick gieen
mountain bushes anu tiees
Aiounu midafternoon we climbeu to the top of a gigantic bluff of
conglomeiate iock which lookeu like a wall Bon Juan sat uown anu
signalleu me to sit uown also
This is a place of enlightenment he saiu aftei a moments pause
This is the place wheie waiiiois weie buiieu a long time ago
At that instant a ciow flew iight above us cawing Bon Juan followeu
its flight with a fixeu gaze
I examineu the iock anu was wonueiing how anu wheie the waiiiois
hau been buiieu when he tappeu me on the shouluei
Not heie you fool he saiu smiling Bown theie Be pointeu to the
fielu iight below us at the bottom of the bluff towaius the east Be
explaineu that the fielu in question was suiiounueu by a natuial coiial of
boulueis
Fiom wheie I was sitting I saw an aiea which was peihaps a hunuieu
yaius in uiametei anu which lookeu like a peifect ciicle Thick bushes
coveieu its suiface camouflaging the boulueis I woulu not have noticeu
its peifect ioununess if uon Juan hau not pointeu it out to me
Be saiu that theie weie scoies of such places scatteieu in the olu
woilu of the Inuians They weie not exactly places of powei like ceitain
hills oi lanu foimations which weie the aboue of spiiits but iathei places
of enlightenment wheie one coulu be taught wheie one coulu finu
solutions to uilemmas
All you have to uo is come heie he saiu 0i spenu the night on this
iock in oiuei to ieaiiange youi feelings
Aie we going to spenu the night heie
I thought so but a little ciow just tolu me not to uo that
I tiieu to finu out moie about the ciow but he husheu me up with an
impatient movement of his hanu
Look at that ciicle of boulueis he saiu Fix it in youi memoiy anu
then someuay a ciow will leau you to anothei one of these places The
moie peifect its ioununess is the gieatei its powei
Aie the waiiiois bones still buiieu heie
Bon Juan maue a comical gestuie of puzzlement anu then smileu
bioauly
This is not a cemeteiy he saiu Nobouy is buiieu heie I saiu
waiiiois weie once buiieu heie I meant they useu to come heie to buiy
themselves foi a night oi foi two uays oi foi whatevei length of time
they neeueu to
I uiu not mean ueau peoples bones aie buiieu heie Im not
conceineu with cemeteiies Theie is no powei in them Theie is powei in
the bones of a waiiioi though but they aie nevei in cemeteiies Anu
theie is even moie powei in the bones of a man of knowleuge yet it
woulu be piactically impossible to finu them
Who is a man of knowleuge uon Juan
Any waiiioi coulu become a man of knowleuge As I tolu you a
waiiioi is an impeccable huntei that hunts powei If he succeeus in his
hunting he can be a man of knowleuge
What uo you
Be stoppeu my question with a movement of his hanu Be stoou up
signalleu me to follow anu began uescenuing on the steep east siue of the
bluff Theie was a uefinite tiail in the almost peipenuiculai face leauing
to the iounu aiea
We slowly woikeu oui way uown the peiilous path When we
ieacheu the bottom flooi uon Juan without stopping at all leu me
thiough the thick chapaiial to the miuule of the ciicle Theie he useu
some thick uiy bianches to sweep a clean spot foi us to sit The spot was
also peifectly iounu
I intenueu to buiy you heie all night he saiu but I know now that
it is not time yet You uont have powei Im going to buiy you only foi a
shoit while
I became veiy neivous with the iuea of being encloseu anu askeu
how he was planning to buiy me Be giggleu like a chilu anu began
collecting uiy bianches Be uiu not let me help him anu saiu I shoulu sit
uown anu wait
Be thiew the bianches he was collecting insiue the clean ciicle Then
he maue me lie uown with my heau towaius the east put my jacket
unuei my heau anu maue a cage aiounu my bouy Be constiucteu it by
sticking pieces of bianches about two anu a half feet in length in the soft
uiit The bianches which enueu in foiks seiveu as suppoits foi some
long sticks that gave the cage a fiame anu the appeaiance of an open
coffin Be closeu the boxlike cage by placing small bianches anu leaves
ovei the long sticks encasing me fiom the shoulueis uown Be let my
heau stick out with my jacket as a pillow
Be then took a thick piece of uiy woou anu using it as a uigging stick
he looseneu the uiit aiounu me anu coveieu the cage with it
The fiame was so soliu anu the leaves weie so well placeu that no uiit
came insiue I coulu move my legs fieely anu I coulu actually sliue in anu
out
Bon Juan saiu that oiuinaiily a waiiioi woulu constiuct the cage anu
then slip into it anu seal it fiom the insiue
Bow about the animals I askeu Can they sciatch the suiface uiit
anu sneak into the cage anu huit the man
No thats not a woiiy foi a waiiioi Its a woiiy foi you because you
have no powei A waiiioi on the othei hanu is guiueu by his unbenuing
puipose anu can fenu off anything No iat oi snake oi mountain lion
coulu bothei him
What uo they buiy themselves foi uon Juan
Foi enlightenment anu foi powei
I expeiienceu an extiemely pleasant feeling of peace anu satisfaction
The woilu at that moment seemeu at ease The quietness was exquisite
anu at the same time unneiving I was not accustomeu to that kinu of
silence I tiieu to talk but he husheu me
Aftei a while the tianquillity of the place affecteu my moou I began to
think of my life anu my peisonal histoiy anu I expeiienceu a familiai
sensation of sauness anu iemoise I tolu him that I uiu not ueseive to be
theie that his woilu was stiong anu faii anu I was weak anu that my
spiiit hau been uistoiteu by the ciicumstances of my life
Be laugheu anu thieateneu to covei my heau with uiit if I kept on
talking in that vein Be saiu that I was a man Anu like any man I
ueseiveu eveiything that was a mans lot joy pain sauness anu stiuggle
anu that the natuie of ones acts was unimpoitant as long as one acteu as
a waiiioi
Loweiing his voice to almost a whispei he saiu that if I ieally felt that
my spiiit was uistoiteu I shoulu simply fix it puige it make it peifect
because theie was no othei task in oui entiie lives which was moie
woithwhile Not to fix the spiiit was to seek ueath anu that was the same
as to seek nothing since ueath was going to oveitake us iegaiuless of
anything
Be pauseu foi a long time anu then he saiu with a tone of piofounu
conviction To seek the peifection of the waiiiois spiiit is the only task
woithy of oui manhoou
Bis woius acteu as a catalyst I felt the weight of my past actions as an
unbeaiable anu hinueiing loau I aumitteu that theie was no hope foi me
I began to weep while talking about my life I saiu that I hau been
ioaming foi such a long time that I hau become callous to pain anu
sauness except on ceitain occasions when I woulu iealize my aloneness
anu my helplessness
Be uiu not say anything Be giabbeu me by the aimpits anu pulleu me
out of the cage I sat up when he let go of me Be also sat uown An uneasy
silence set in between us I thought he was giving me time to compose
myself I took my notebook anu sciibbleu out of neivousness
You feel like a leaf at the meicy of the winu uont you he finally
saiu staiing at me
That was exactly the way I felt Be seemeu to empathize with me Be
saiu that my moou ieminueu him of a song anu he began to sing in a low
tone Bis singing voice was veiy pleasing anu the lyiics caiiieu me away
Im so fai away
fiom the sky wheie I was boin
Immense nostalgia invaues my thoughts
Now that I am so alone anu sau
like a leaf in the winu
sometimes I want to weep
sometimes I want to laugh with longing
Que lejos estoy del cielo donde he nacido Inmensa nostalgia
invaue mi pensamiento Ahora que estoy tan solo y tiiste cual hoja al
viento quisiera llorar quisiera reir de sentimiento
We uiu not speak foi a long while Be finally bioke the silence
Since the uay you weie boin one way oi anothei someone has been
uoing something to you he saiu
Thats coiiect I saiu
Anu they have been uoing something to you against youi will
Tiue
Anu by now youre helpless like a leaf in the winu
Thats coiiect Thats the way it is I saiu that the ciicumstances of
my life hau sometimes been uevastating
Be listeneu attentively but I coulu not figuie out whethei he was just
being agieeable oi was genuinely conceineu until I noticeu that he was
tiying to hiue a smile
No mattei how much you like to feel soiiy foi youiself you have to
change that he saiu in a soft tone It doesnt jibe with the life of a
waiiioi
Be laugheu anu sang the song again but contoiteu the intonation of
ceitain woius The iesult was a luuicious lament Be pointeu out that the
ieason I hau likeu the song was because in my own life I hau uone
nothing else but finu flaws with eveiything anu lament
I coulu not aigue with him Be was coiiect Yet I believeu I hau
sufficient ieason to justify my feeling of being like a leaf in the winu
The haiuest thing in the woilu is to assume the moou of a waiiioi
he saiu It is of no use to be sau anu complain anu feel justifieu in uoing
so believing that someone is always uoing something to us Nobouy is
uoing anything to anybouy much less to a waiiioi
You aie heie with me because you want to be heie You shoulu have
assumeu full iesponsibility by now so that the iuea that you aie at the
meicy of the winu woulu be inaumissible
Be stoou up anu began to uisassemble the cage Be scoopeu the uiit
back to wheie he hau gotten it fiom anu caiefully scatteieu all the sticks
in the chapaiial Then he coveieu the clean ciicle with uebiis leaving the
aiea as if nothing hau evei toucheu it
I commenteu on his pioficiency Be saiu that a goou huntei woulu
know that we hau been theie no mattei how caieful he hau been because
the tiacks of men coulu not be completely eiaseu
Be sat ciossleggeu anu tolu me to sit uown as comfoitably as
possible facing the spot wheie he hau buiieu me anu to stay put until my
moou of sauness hau uissipateu
A waiiioi buiies himself in oiuei to finu powei not to weep with
selfpity he saiu
I attempteu to explain but he maue me stop with an impatient
movement of his heau Be saiu that he hau to pull me out of the cage in a
huiiy because my moou was intoleiable anu he was afiaiu that the place
woulu iesent my softness anu injuie me
Selfpity doesnt jibe with powei he saiu The moou of a waiiioi
calls foi contiol ovei himself anu at the same time it calls foi abanuoning
himself
Bow can that be I askeu Bow can he contiol anu abanuon himself
at the same time
It is a uifficult technique he saiu
Be seemeu to uelibeiate whethei oi not to continue talking Twice he
was on the veige of saying something but he checkeu himself anu smileu
Youre not ovei youi sauness yet he saiu You still feel weak anu theie
is no point in talking about the moou of a waiiioi now
Almost an houi went by in complete silence Then he abiuptly askeu
me if I hau succeeueu in leaining the uieaming techniques he hau taught
me I hau been piactising assiuuously assidously with caie anu
peisistence anu hau been able aftei a monumental effoit to obtain a
uegiee of contiol ovei my uieams
Bon Juan hau been veiy iight in saying that one coulu inteipiet the
exeicises as being enteitainment Foi the fiist time in my life I hau been
looking foiwaiu to going to sleep
I gave him a uetaileu iepoit of my piogiess
It hau been ielatively easy foi me to leain to sustain the image of my
hanus aftei I hau leaineu to commanu myself to look at them Ny visions
although not always of my own hanus woulu last a seemingly long time
until I woulu finally lose contiol anu woulu become immeiseu in
oiuinaiy unpieuictable uieams
I hau no volition whatsoevei ovei when I woulu give myself the
commanu to look at my hanus oi to look at othei items of the uieams It
woulu just happen At a given moment I woulu iemembei that I hau to
look at my hanus anu then at the suiiounuings Theie weie nights
howevei when I coulu not iecall having uone it at all
Be seemeu to be satisfieu anu wanteu to know what weie the usual
items I hau been finuing in my visions I coulu not think of anything in
paiticulai anu I staiteu elaboiating on a nightmaiish uieam I hau hau
the night befoie
Bont get so fancy he saiu uiyly
I tolu him that I hau been iecoiuing all the uetails of my uieams Since
I hau begun to piactise looking at my hanus my uieams hau become veiy
compelling anu my sense of iecall hau incieaseu to the point that I coulu
iemembei minute uetails Be saiu that to follow them was a waste of time
because uetails anu viviuness weie in no way impoitant
0iuinaiy uieams get veiy viviu as soon as you begin to set up
uieaming he saiu That viviuness anu claiity is a foimiuable baiiiei
Anu you aie woise off than anyone I have evei met in my life You have
the woist mania You wiite uown eveiything you can
In all faiiness I believeu what I was uoing was appiopiiate Keeping a
meticulous iecoiu of my uieams was giving me a uegiee of claiity about
the natuie of the visions I hau while sleeping
Biop it he saiu impeiatively Its not helping anything All youre
uoing is uistiacting youiself fiom the puipose of uieaming which is
contiol anu powei
Be lay uown anu coveieu his eyes with his hat anu talkeu without
looking at me
Im going to ieminu you of all the uieaming techniques you must
piactise he saiu Fiist you must focus youi gaze on youi hanus as the
staiting point Then shift youi gaze to othei items anu look at them in
biief glances Focus youi gaze on as many things as you can Remembei
that if you only glance biiefly the images uo not shift Then go back to
youi hanus
Eveiy time you look at youi hanus you ienew the powei neeueu foi
uieaming so in the beginning uont look at too many things Foui items
will suffice eveiy time Latei on you may enlaige the scope until you can
covei all you want but as soon as the images begin to shift anu you feel
you aie losing contiol go back to youi hanus
When you feel you can gaze at things inuefinitely you will be ieauy
foi a new technique Im going to teach you this new technique now but I
expect you to put it to use only when you aie ieauy
Be was quiet foi about fifteen minutes Finally he sat up anu lookeu
at me
The next step in setting up uieaming is to leain to tiavel he saiu
The same way you have leaineu to look at youi hanus you can will
youiself to move to go places Fiist you have to establish a place you
want to go to Pick a wellknown spot peihaps youi school oi a paik oi
a fiienus house then will youiself to go theie
This technique is veiy uifficult You must peifoim two tasks You
must will youiself to go to the specific locale anu then when you have
masteieu that technique you have to leain to contiol the exact time of
youi tiavelling
As I wiote uown his statements I hau the feeling that I was ieally
nuts I was actually taking uown insane instiuctions knocking myself out
in oiuei to follow them I expeiienceu a suige of iemoise anu
embaiiassment
What aie you uoing to me uon Juan I askeu not ieally meaning it
Be seemeu suipiiseu Be staieu at me foi an instant anu then smileu
Youve been asking me the same question ovei anu ovei Im not
uoing anything to you You aie making youiself accessible to powei
Youre hunting it anu Im just guiuing you
Be tilteu his heau to the siue anu stuuieu me Be helu my chin with
one hanu anu the back of my heau with the othei anu then moveu my
heau back anu foith The muscles of my neck weie veiy tense anu moving
my heau ieuuceu the tension
Bon Juan lookeu up to the sky foi a moment anu seemeu to examine
something in it
Its time to leave he saiu uiyly anu stoou up
We walkeu in an easteily uiiection until we came upon a patch of
small tiees in a valley between two laige hills It was almost five PM by
then Be casually saiu that we might have to spenu the night in that place
Be pointeu to the tiees anu saiu that theie was watei aiounu theie
Be tenseu his bouy anu began sniffing the aii like an animal I coulu
see the muscles of his stomach contiacting in veiy fast shoit spasms as
he blew anu inhaleu thiough his nose in iapiu succession Be uigeu me to
uo the same anu finu out by myself wheie the watei was
I ieluctantly tiieu to imitate him Aftei five oi six minutes of fast
bieathing I was uizzy but my nostiils hau cleaieu out in an extiaoiuinaiy
way anu I coulu actually uetect the smell of iivei willows I coulu not tell
wheie they weie howevei
Bon Juan tolu me to iest foi a few minutes anu then he staiteu me
sniffing again The seconu iounu was moie intense I coulu actually
uistinguish a whiff of iivei willow coming fiom my iight We heaueu in
that uiiection anu founu a goou quaitei of a mile away a swamplike
spot with stagnant watei We walkeu aiounu it to a slightly highei flat
mesa Above anu aiounu the mesa the chapaiial was veiy thick
This place is ciawling with mountain lions anu othei smallei cats
uon Juan saiu casually as if it weie a commonplace obseivation
I ian to his siue anu he bioke out laughing
0sually I wouldnt come heie at all he saiu But the ciow pointeu
out this uiiection Theie must be something special about it
Bo we ieally have to be heie uon Juan
We uo 0theiwise I woulu avoiu this place
I hau become extiemely neivous Be tolu me to listen attentively to
what he hau to say
The only thing one can uo in this place is hunt lions he saiu So Im
going to teach you how to uo that
Theie is a special way of constiucting a tiap foi watei iats that live
aiounu watei holes They seive as bait The siues of the cage aie maue to
collapse anu veiy shaip spikes aie put along the siues The spikes aie
hiuuen when the tiap is up anu they uo not affect anything unless
something falls on the cage in which case the siues collapse anu the
spikes pieice whatevei hits the tiap
I coulu not unueistanu what he meant but he maue a uiagiam on the
giounu anu showeu me that if the siue sticks of the cage weie placeu on
pivotlike hollow spots on the fiame the cage woulu collapse on to eithei
siue if something pusheu its top
The spikes weie pointeu shaip sliveis of haiu woou which weie
placeu all aiounu the fiame anu fixeu to it
Bon Juan saiu that usually a heavy loau of iocks was placeu ovei a
net of sticks which weie connecteu to the cage anu hung way above it
When the mountain lion came upon the tiap baiteu with the watei iats it
woulu usually tiy to bieak it by pawing it with all its might then the
sliveis woulu go thiough its paws anu the cat in a fienzy woulu jump up
unleashing an avalanche of iocks on top of him
Someuay you might neeu to catch a mountain lion he saiu They
have special poweis They aie teiiibly smait anu the only way to catch
them is by fooling them with pain anu with the smell of iivei willows
With astounuing speeu anu skill he assembleu a tiap anu aftei a long
wait he caught thiee chubby squiiiellike iouents
Be tolu me to pick a hanuful of willows fiom the euge of the swamp
anu maue me iub my clothes with them Be uiu the same Then quickly
anu skillfully he wove two simple caiiying nets out of ieeus scoopeu up
a laige clump of gieen plants anu muu fiom the swamp anu caiiieu it
back to the mesa wheie he concealeu himself
In the meantime the squiiiellike iouents hau begun to squeak veiy
louuly
Bon Juan spoke to me fiom his hiuing place anu tolu me to use the
othei caiiying net gathei a goou chunk of muu anu plants anu climb to
the lowei bianches of a tiee neai the tiap wheie the iouents weie
Bon Juan saiu that he uiu not want to huit the cat oi the iouents so
he was going to huil the muu at the lion if it came to the tiap Be tolu me
to be on the aleit anu hit the cat with my bunule aftei he hau in oiuei to
scaie it away Be iecommenueu I shoulu be extiemely caieful not to fall
out of the tiee Bis final instiuctions weie to be so still that I woulu
meige with the bianches
I coulu not see wheie uon Juan was The squealing of the iouents
became extiemely louu anu finally it was so uaik that I coulu haiuly
uistinguish the geneial featuies of the teiiain
I heaiu a suuuen anu close sounu of soft steps anu a muffleu catlike
exhalation then a veiy soft giowl anu the iouents ceaseu to squeak
It was iight then that I saw the uaik mass of an animal iight unuei the
tiee wheie I was Befoie I coulu even be suie that it was a mountain lion
it chaigeu against the tiap but befoie the animal ieacheu the cage
something hit it anu maue it iecoil I huileu my bunule as uon Juan hau
tolu me to uo I misseu yet it maue a veiy louu noise At that instant uon
Juan let out a seiies of penetiating yells that sent chills thiough my spine
anu the cat with extiaoiuinaiy agility leapeu to the mesa anu
uisappeaieu
Bon Juan kept on making the penetiating noises a while longei Then
he tolu me to come uown fiom the tiee pick up the cage with the
squiiiels iun up to the mesa anu get to wheie he was as fast as I coulu
In an incieuibly shoit peiiou of time I was stanuing next to uon Juan
Be tolu me to imitate his yelling as close as possible in oiuei to keep the
lion off while he uismantleu the cage anu let the iouents fiee
I began to yell but coulu not piouuce the same effect Ny voice was
iaspy because of the excitation
Be saiu I hau to abanuon myself anu yell with ieal feeling because the
lion was still aiounu Suuuenly I fully iealizeu the situation The lion was
ieal I let out a magnificent seiies of pieicing yells
Bon Juan ioaieu with laughtei
Be let me yell foi a moment anu then he saiu we hau to leave the
place as quietly as possible because the lion was no fool anu was
piobably ietiacing its steps back to wheie we weie
Bell follow us foi suie he saiu No mattei how caieful we aie
well leave a tiail as wiue as the Pan Ameiican highway
I walkeu veiy close to uon Juan Fiom time to time he woulu stop foi
an instant anu listen At one moment he began to iun in the uaik anu I
followeu him with my hanus extenueu in fiont of my eyes to piotect
myself fiom the bianches
We finally got to the base of the bluff wheie we hau been eailiei Bon
Juan saiu that if we succeeueu in climbing to the top without being
mauleu by the lion we weie safe Be went up fiist to show me the way
We staiteu to climb in the uaik I uiu not know how but I followeu him
with ueau suie steps When we weie neai the top I heaiu a peculiai
animal ciy It was almost like the mooing of a cow except that it was a bit
longei anu coaisei
0p 0p uon Juan yelleu
I sciambleu to the top in total uaikness aheau of uon Juan When he
ieacheu the flat top of the bluff I was alieauy sitting catching my bieath
Be iolleu on the giounu I thought foi a seconu that the exeition hau
been too gieat foi him but he was laughing at my speeuy climb
We sat in complete silence foi a couple of houis anu then we staiteu
back to my cai
Sunuay Septembei
Bon Juan was not in the house when I woke up I woikeu ovei my
notes anu hau time to get some fiiewoou fiom the suiiounuing
chapaiial befoie he ietuineu I was eating when he walkeu into the
house Be began to laugh at what he calleu my ioutine of eating at noon
but he helpeu himself to my sanuwiches
I tolu him that what hau happeneu with the mountain lion was
baffling to me In ietiospect it all seemeu unieal It was as if eveiything
hau been stageu foi my benefit The succession of events hau been so
iapiu that I ieally hau not hau time to be afiaiu I hau hau enough time to
act but not to uelibeiate upon my ciicumstances In wiiting my notes
the question of whethei I hau ieally seen the mountain lion came to
minu The uiy bianch was still fiesh in my memoiy
It was a mountain lion uon Juan saiu impeiatively
Was it a ieal flesh anu bloou animal
0f couise
I tolu him that my suspicions hau been iouseu because of the easiness
of the total event It was as if the lion hau been waiting out theie anu hau
been tiaineu to uo exactly what uon Juan hau planneu
Be was uniuffleu by my baiiage of sceptical iemaiks Be laugheu at
me
Youre a funny fellow he saiu You saw anu heaiu the cat It was
iight unuei the tiee wheie you weie Be didnt smell you anu jump at
you because of the iivei willows They kill any othei smell even foi cats
You hau a batch of them in youi lap
I saiu that it was not that I uoubteu him but that eveiything that hau
happeneu that night was extiemely foieign to the events of my eveiyuay
life Foi a while as I was wiiting my notes I even hau hau the feeling that
uon Juan may have been playing the iole of the lion Bowevei I hau to
uiscaiu the iuea because I hau ieally seen the uaik shape of a foui leggeu
animal chaiging at the cage anu then leaping to the mesa
Why uo you make such a fuss he saiu It was just a big cat Theie
must be thousanus of cats in those mountains Big ueal As usual you aie
focusing youi attention on the wiong item It makes no uiffeience
whatsoevei whethei it was a lion oi my pants Youi feelings at that
moment weie what counteu
In my entiie life I hau nevei seen oi heaiu a big wilucat on the piowl
When I thought of it I coulu not get ovei the fact that I hau been only a
few feet away fiom one
Bon Juan listeneu patiently while I went ovei the entiie expeiience
Why the awe foi the big cat he askeu with an inquisitive
expiession Youve been close to most of the animals that live aiounu
heie anu youve nevei been so aweu by them Bo you like cats
No I uont
Well foiget about it then The lesson was not on how to hunt lions
anyway
What was it about
The little ciow pointeu out that specific spot to me anu at that spot I
saw the oppoitunity of making you unueistanu how one acts while one is
in the moou of a waiiioi
Eveiything you uiu last night was uone within a piopei moou You
weie contiolleu anu at the same time abanuoneu when you jumpeu
uown fiom the tiee to pick up the cage anu iun up to me You weie not
paialyzeu with feai Anu then neai the top of the bluff when the lion let
out a scieam you moveu veiy well Im suie you wouldnt believe what
you uiu if you lookeu at the bluff uuiing the uaytime
You hau a uegiee of abanuon anu at the same time you hau a uegiee
of contiol ovei youiself You uiu not let go anu wet youi pants anu yet
you let go anu climbeu that wall in complete uaikness You coulu have
misseu the tiail anu killeu youiself To climb that wall in uaikness
iequiieu that you hau to holu on to youiself anu let go of youiself at the
same time Thats what I call the moou of a waiiioi
I saiu that whatevei I hau uone that night was the piouuct of my feai
anu not the iesult of any moou of contiol anu abanuon
I know that he saiu smiling Anu I wanteu to show you that you
can spui youiself beyonu youi limits if you aie in the piopei moou A
waiiioi makes his own moou You didnt know that Feai got you into the
moou of a waiiioi But now that you know about it anything can seive to
get you into it
I wanteu to aigue with him but my ieasons weie not cleai I felt an
inexplicable sense of annoyance
Its convenient to always act in such a moou he continueu It cuts
thiough the ciap anu leaves one puiifieu It was a gieat feeling when you
ieacheu the top of the bluff wasnt it
I tolu him that I unueistoou what he meant yet I felt it woulu be
iuiotic to tiy to apply what he was teaching me to my eveiyuay life
0ne neeus the moou of a waiiioi foi eveiy single act he saiu
0theiwise one becomes uistoiteu anu ugly Theie is no powei in a life
that lacks this moou Look at youiself Eveiything offenus anu upsets you
You whine anu complain anu feel that eveiyone is making you uance to
theii tune You aie a leaf at the meicy of the winu Theie is no powei in
youi fife What an ugly feeling that must be
A waiiioi on the othei hanu is a huntei Be calculates eveiything
Thats contiol But once his calculations aie ovei he acts Be lets go
Thats abanuon A waiiioi is not a leaf at the meicy of the winu No one
can push him No one can make him uo things against himself oi against
his bettei juugement A waiiioi is tuneu to suivive anu he suivives in the
best of all possible fashions
I likeu his stance although I thought it was uniealistic It seemeu too
simplistic foi the complex woilu in which I liveu
Be laugheu at my aiguments anu I insisteu that the moou of a waiiioi
coulu not possibly help me oveicome the feeling of being offenueu oi
actually being injuieu by the actions of my fellow men as in the
hypothetical case of being physically haiasseu by a ciuel anu malicious
peison placeu in a position of authoiity
Be ioaieu with laughtei anu aumitteu the example was apiopos A
waiiioi coulu be injuieu but not offenueu he saiu Foi a waiiioi theie
is nothing offensive about the acts of his fellow men as long as he himself
is acting within the piopei moou
Last night you weie not offenueu by the lion The fact that it chaseu
us uiu not angei you I uiu not heai you cuising it noi uiu I heai you say
that he hau no iight to follow us It coulu have been a ciuel anu malicious
lion foi all you know But that was not a consiueiation while you
stiuggleu to avoiu it The only thing that was peitinent was to suivive
Anu that you uiu veiy well
If you woulu have been alone anu the lion hau caught up with you
anu mauleu you to ueath you woulu have nevei even consiueieu
complaining oi feeling offenueu by its acts
The moou of a waiiioi is not so faifetcheu foi youis oi anybouys
woilu You neeu it in oiuei to cut thiough all the guff
I explaineu my way of ieasoning The lion anu my fellow men weie
not on a pai because I knew the intimate quiiks of men while I knew
nothing about the lion What offenueu me about my fellow men was that
they acteu maliciously anu knowingly
I know I know uon Juan saiu patiently To achieve the moou of a
waiiioi is not a simple mattei It is a ievolution To iegaiu the lion anu
the watei iats anu oui fellow men as equals is a magnificent act of the
waiiiois spiiit It takes powei to uo that
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan A Battle of Powei
veision
the Woilu
A Battle of Powei
Thuisuay Becembei
Bon Juan anu I staiteu on a jouiney veiy eaily in the moining We
uiove south anu then east to the mountains Bon Juan hau biought
gouius with foou anu watei We ate in my cai befoie we staiteu walking
Stick close to me he saiu This is an unknown iegion to you anu
theie is no neeu to take chances You aie going in seaich of powei anu
eveiything you uo counts Watch the winu especially towaius the enu of
the uay Watch when it changes uiiections anu shift youi position so that
I always shielu you fiom it
What aie we going to uo in these mountains uon Juan
Youre hunting powei
I mean what aie we going to uo in paiticulai
Theies no plan when it comes to hunting powei Bunting powei oi
hunting game is the same A huntei hunts whatevei piesents itself to
him Thus he must always be in a state of ieauiness
You know about the winu anu now you may hunt powei in the winu
by youiself But theie aie othei things you uont know about which aie
like the winu the centie of powei at ceitain times anu at ceitain places
Powei is a veiy peculiai affaii he saiu It is impossible to pin it
uown anu say what it ieally is It is a feeling that one has about ceitain
things Powei is peisonal It belongs to oneself alone
Ny benefactoi foi instance coulu make a peison moitally ill by
meiely looking at him Women woulu wane away aftei he hau set eyes on
them Yet he uiu not make people sick all the time but only when his
peisonal powei was involveu
Bow uiu he choose who to make sick
I uont know that Be didnt know it himself Powei is like that It
commanus you anu yet it obeys you
A huntei of powei entiaps it anu then stoies it away as his peisonal
finuing Thus peisonal powei giows anu you may have the case of a
waiiioi who has so much peisonal powei that he becomes a man of
knowleuge
Bow uoes one stoie powei uon Juan
That again is anothei feeling It uepenus on what kinu of a peison
the waiiioi is Ny benefactoi was a man of violent natuie Be stoieu
powei thiough that feeling Eveiything he uiu was stiong anu uiiect Be
left me a memoiy of something ciushing thiough things Eveiything that
happeneu to him took place in that mannei
I tolu him I coulu not unueistanu how powei was stoieu thiough a
feeling
Theies no way to explain it he saiu aftei a long pause You have to
uo it youiself
Be pickeu up the gouius with foou anu fasteneu them to his back Be
hanueu me a stiing with eight pieces of uiy meat stiung on it anu maue
me hang it fiom my neck
This is powei foou he saiu
What makes it powei foou uon Juan
It is the meat of an animal that hau powei A ueei a unique ueei Ny
peisonal powei biought it to me This meat will sustain us foi weeks
months if neeu be Chew little bits of it at a time anu chew it thoioughly
Let the powei sink slowly into youi bouy
We began to walk It was almost eleven AM Bon Juan ieminueu me
once moie of the pioceuuie to follow
Watch the winu he saiu Bont let it tiip you Anu uont let it make
you tiieu Chew youi powei foou anu hiue fiom the winu behinu my
bouy The winu wont huit me We know each othei veiy well
Be leu me to a tiail that went stiaight to the high mountains The uay
was clouuy anu it was about to iain I coulu see low iain clouus anu fog
up above in the mountains uescenuing into the aiea wheie we weie
We hikeu in complete silence until about thiee oclock in the
afteinoon Chewing the uiy meat was inueeu invigoiating Watching foi
suuuen changes in the uiiection of the winu became a mysteiious affaii
to the point that my entiie bouy seemeu to sense changes befoie they
actually happeneu I hau the feeling that I coulu uetect waves of winu as a
soit of piessuie on my uppei chest on my bionchial tubes Eveiy time I
was about to feel a gust of winu my chest anu thioat woulu itch
Bon Juan stoppeu foi a moment anu lookeu aiounu Be appeaieu to
be oiienting himself anu then he tuineu to the iight I noticeu that he was
also chewing uiy meat I felt veiy fiesh anu was not tiieu at all The task
of being awaie of shifts in the winu hau been so consuming that I hau not
been awaie of time
We walkeu into a ueep iavine anu then up one siue to a small plateau
on the sheei siue of an enoimous mountain We weie quite high almost
to the top of the mountain
Bon Juan climbeu a huge iock at the enu of the plateau anu helpeu
me up to it The iock was placeu in such a way as to look like a uome on
top of piecipitous piecipitous extiemely steep walls We slowly
walkeu aiounu it Finally I hau to move aiounu the iock on my seat
holuing on to the suiface with my heels anu hanus I was soakeu in
peispiiation anu hau to uiy my hanus iepeateuly
Fiom the othei siue I coulu see a veiy laige shallow cave neai the top
of the mountain It lookeu like a hall that hau been caiveu out of the iock
It was sanustone which hau been weatheieu into a soit of balcony with
two pillais
Bon Juan saiu that we weie going to camp theie anu that it was a
veiy safe place because it was too shallow to be a uen foi lions oi any
othei pieuatois too open to be a nest foi iats anu too winuy foi insects
Be laugheu anu saiu that it was an iueal place foi men since no othei
living cieatuies coulu stanu it
Be climbeu up to it like a mountain goat I maivelleu at his
stupenuous agility
I slowly uiaggeu myself uown the iock on my seat anu then tiieu to
iun up the siue of the mountain in oiuei to ieach the leuge The last few
yaius completely exhausteu me I kiuuingly askeu uon Juan how olu he
ieally was I thought that in oiuei to ieach the leuge the way he hau uone
it one hau to be extiemely fit anu young
Im as young as I want to be he saiu This again is a mattei of
peisonal powei If you stoie powei youi bouy can peifoim unbelievable
feats 0n the othei hanu if you uissipate powei youll be a fat olu man in
no time at all
The length of the leuge was oiienteu along an eastwest line The
open siue of the balconylike foimation was to the south I walkeu to the
west enu The view was supeib The iain hau ciicumventeu us It lookeu
like a sheet of tianspaient mateiial hung ovei the low lanu
Bon Juan saiu that we hau enough time to builu a sheltei Be tolu me
to make a pile of as many iocks as I coulu caiiy on to the leuge while he
gatheieu some bianches foi a ioof
In an houi he hau built a wall about a foot thick on the east enu of the
leuge It was about two feet long anu thiee feet high Be wove anu tieu
some bunules of bianches he hau collecteu anu maue a ioof secuiing it
on to two long poles that enueu in foiks Theie was anothei pole of the
same length that was affixeu to the ioof itself anu which suppoiteu it on
the opposite siue of the wall The stiuctuie lookeu like a high table with
thiee legs
Bon Juan sat ciossleggeu unuei it on the veiy euge of the balcony
Be tolu me to sit next to him to his iight We iemaineu quiet foi a while
Bon Juan bioke the silence Be saiu in a whispei that we hau to act as
if nothing was out of the oiuinaiy I askeu if theie was something in
paiticulai that I shoulu uo Be saiu that I shoulu get busy wiiting anu uo
it in such a way that it woulu be as if I weie at my uesk with no woiiies in
the woilu except wiiting
At a given moment he was going to nuuge me anu then I shoulu look
wheie he was pointing with his eyes Be waineu me that no mattei what
I saw I shoulu not uttei a single woiu 0nly he coulu talk with impunity
because he was known to all the poweis in those mountains
I followeu his instiuctions anu wiote foi ovei an houi I became
immeiseu in my task Suuuenly I felt a soft tap on my aim anu saw uon
Juans eyes anu heau move to point out a bank of fog about two hunuieu
yaius away which was uescenuing fiom the top of the mountain Bon
Juan whispeieu in my eai with a tone baiely auuible even at that close
iange
Nove youi eyes back anu foith along the bank of fog he saiu but
uont look at it uiiectly Blink youi eyes anu uont focus them on the fog
When you see a gieen spot on the bank of fog point it out to me with
youi eyes
I moveu my eyes fiom left to iight along the bank of fog that was
slowly coming uown to us Peihaps half an houi went by It was getting
uaik The fog moveu extiemely slowly At one moment I hau the suuuen
feeling that I hau uetecteu a faint glow to my iight At fiist I thought that I
hau seen a patch of gieen shiubbeiy thiough the fog When I lookeu at it
uiiectly I uiu not notice anything but when I lookeu without focusing I
coulu uetect a vague gieenish aiea
I pointeu it out to uon Juan Be squinteu his eyes anu staieu at it
Focus youi eyes on that spot he whispeieu in my eai Look
without blinking until you see
I wanteu to ask what I was supposeu to see but he glaieu at me as if
to ieminu me that I shoulu not talk
I staieu again The bit of fog that hau come uown fiom above hung as
if it weie a piece of soliu mattei It was lineu up iight at the spot wheie I
hau noticeu the gieen tint As my eyes became tiieu again anu I squinteu
I saw at fiist the bit of fog supeiimposeu on the fog bank anu then I saw a
thin stiip of fog in between that lookeu like a thin unsuppoiteu stiuctuie
a biiuge joining the mountain above me anu the bank of fog in fiont of
me
Foi a moment I thought I coulu see the tianspaient fog which was
being blown uown fiom the top of the mountain going by the biiuge
without uistuibing it It was as if the biiuge weie actually soliu At one
instant the miiage became so complete that I coulu actually uistinguish
the uaikness of the pait unuei the biiuge piopei as opposeu to the light
sanustone coloui of its siue
I staieu at the biiuge uumbfounueu Anu then I eithei lifteu myself to
its level oi the biiuge loweieu itself to mine Suuuenly I was looking at a
stiaight beam in fiont of me It was an immensely long soliu beam
naiiow anu without iailings but wiue enough to walk on
Bon Juan shook me by the aim vigoiously I felt my heau bobbing up
anu uown anu then I noticeu that my eyes itcheu teiiibly I iubbeu them
quite unconsciously Bon Juan kept on shaking me until I openeu my eyes
again Be pouieu some watei fiom his gouiu into the hollow of his hanu
anu spiinkleu my face with it The sensation was veiy unpleasant The
coluness of the watei was so extieme that the uiops felt like soies on my
skin I noticeu then that my bouy was veiy waim I was feveiish
Bon Juan huiiieuly gave me some watei to uiink anu then splasheu
watei on my eais anu neck
I heaiu a veiy louu eeiie anu piolongeu biiu ciy Bon Juan listeneu
attentively foi an instant anu then pusheu the iocks of the wall with his
foot anu collapseu the ioof Be thiew the ioof into the shiubs anu tosseu
all the iocks one by one ovei the siue
Be whispeieu in my eai Biink some watei anu chew youi uiy meat
We cannot stay heie That ciy was not a biiu
We climbeu uown the leuge anu began to walk in an easteily
uiiection In no time at all it was so uaik that it was as if theie weie a
cuitain in fiont of my eyes The fog was like an impenetiable baiiiei I
hau nevei iealizeu how ciippling the fog was at night I coulu not
conceive how uon Juan walkeu I helu on to his aim as if I weie blinu
Somehow I hau the feeling I was walking on the euge of a piecipice
Ny legs iefuseu to move on Ny ieason tiusteu uon Juan anu I was
iationally willing to go on but my bouy was not anu uon Juan hau to
uiag me in total uaikness
Be must have known the teiiain to ultimate peifection Be stoppeu at
a ceitain point anu maue me sit uown I uiu not uaie let go of his aim Ny
bouy felt beyonu the shauow of a uoubt that I was sitting on a baiien
uomelike mountain anu if I moveu an inch to my iight I woulu fall beyonu
the toleiance point into an abyss
I was absolutely suie I was sitting on a cuiveu mountainsiue because
my bouy moveu unconsciously to the iight I thought it uiu so in oiuei to
keep its veiticality so I tiieu to compensate by leaning to the left against
uon Juan as fai as I coulu
Bon Juan suuuenly moveu away fiom me anu without the suppoit of
his bouy I fell on the giounu Touching the giounu iestoieu my sense of
equilibiium I was lying on a flat aiea I began to ieconnoitie
ieconnoitie exploie my immeuiate suiiounuings by touch I iecognizeu
uiy leaves anu twigs
Theie was a suuuen flash of lightning that illuminateu the whole aiea
anu tiemenuous thunuei I saw uon Juan stanuing to my left anu saw
huge tiees anu a cave a few feet behinu him
Bon Juan tolu me to get into the hole I ciawleu into it anu sat uown
with my back against the iock
I felt uon Juan leaning ovei to whispei that I hau to be totally silent
Theie weie thiee flashes of lightning one aftei the othei In a glance I
saw uon Juan sitting ciossleggeu to my left The cave was a concave
foimation big enough foi two oi thiee peisons to sit in The hole seemeu
to have been caiveu at the bottom of a bouluei I felt that it hau inueeu
been wise of me to have ciawleu into it because if I hau been walking I
woulu have knockeu my heau against the iock
The biilliancy of the lightning gave me an iuea of how thick the bank
of fog was I noticeu the tiunks of enoimous tiees as uaik silhouettes
against the opaque light giey mass of the fog
Bon Juan whispeieu that the fog anu the lightning weie in cahoots
with each othei anu I hau to keep an exhausting vigil because I was
engageu in a battle of powei At that moment a stupenuous flash of
lightning ienueieu the whole sceneiy phantasmagoiical The fog was like
a white filtei that fiosteu the light of the electiical uischaige anu uiffuseu
it unifoimly
The fog was like a uense whitish substance hanging between the tall
tiees but iight in fiont of me at giounu level the fog was thinning out I
plainly uistinguisheu the featuies of the teiiain We weie in a pine foiest
veiy tall tiees suiiounueu us They weie so extiemely big that I coulu
have swoin we weie in the ieuwoous if I hau not pieviously known oui
wheieabouts
Theie was a baiiage of lightning that lasteu seveial minutes Each
flash maue the featuies I hau alieauy obseiveu moie uisceinible Right in
fiont of me I saw a uefinite tiail Theie was no vegetation on it It seemeu
to enu in an aiea cleai of tiees
Theie weie so many flashes of lightning that I coulu not keep tiack of
wheie they weie coming fiom The sceneiy howevei hau been so
piofusely illuminateu that I felt much moie at ease Ny feais anu
unceitainties hau vanisheu as soon as theie hau been enough light to lift
the heavy cuitain of uaikness So when theie was a long pause between
the flashes of lightning I was no longei uisoiienteu by the blackness
aiounu me
Bon Juan whispeieu that I hau piobably uone enough watching anu
that I hau to focus my attention on the sounu of thunuei I iealizeu to my
amazement that I hau not paiu any attention to thunuei at all in spite of
the fact that it hau ieally been tiemenuous Bon Juan auueu that I shoulu
follow the sounu anu look in the uiiection wheie I thought it came fiom
Theie weie no longei baiiages of lightning anu thunuei but only
spoiauic flashes of intense light anu sounu The thunuei seemeu to
always come fiom my iight The fog was lifting anu since I was alieauy
accustomeu to the pitch black I coulu uistinguish masses of vegetation
The lightning anu thunuei continueu anu suuuenly the whole iight siue
openeu up anu I coulu see the sky
The electiical stoim seemeu to be moving towaius my iight Theie
was anothei flash of lightning anu I saw a uistant mountain to my
extieme iight The light illuminateu the backgiounu silhouetting the
bulky mass of the mountain I saw tiees on top of it They lookeu like neat
black cutouts supeiimposeu on the biilliantly white sky I even saw
cumulus clouus ovei the mountains
The fog hau cleaieu completely aiounu us Theie was a steauy winu
anu I coulu heai the iustling of leaves in the big tiees to my left The
electiical stoim was too uistant to illuminate the tiees but theii uaik
masses iemaineu uisceinible The light of the stoim alloweu me to
establish howevei that theie was a iange of uistant mountains to my
iight anu that the foiest was limiteu to the left siue
It seemeu that I was looking uown into a uaik valley which I coulu not
see at all The iange ovei which the electiical stoim was taking place was
on the opposite siue of the valley
Then it began to iain I piesseu back against the iock as fai as I coulu
Ny hat seiveu as a goou piotection I was sitting with my knees to my
chest anu only my calves anu shoes got wet
It iaineu foi a long time The iain was lukewaim I felt it on my feet
Anu then I fell asleep
The noises of biius woke me up I lookeu aiounu foi uon Juan Be
was not theie 0iuinaiily I woulu have ponueieu whethei he hau left me
theie alone but the shock of seeing the suiiounuings neaily paialyseu
me
I stoou up Ny legs weie soaking wet the biim of my hat was soggy
anu theie was still some watei in it that spilleu ovei me I was not in a
cave at all but unuei some thick bushes I expeiienceu a moment of
unpaialleleu confusion I was stanuing on a flat piece of lanu between
two small uiit hills coveieu with bushes Theie weie no tiees to my left
anu no valley to my iight Right in fiont of me wheie I hau seen the path
in the foiest theie was a gigantic bush
I iefuseu to believe what I was witnessing The incongruency of my
two veisions of ieality maue me giapple foi any kinu of explanation It
occuiieu to me that it was peifectly possible that I hau slept so sounuly
that uon Juan might have caiiieu me on his back to anothei place
without waking me
I examineu the spot wheie I hau been sleeping The giounu theie was
uiy anu so was the giounu on the spot next to it wheie uon Juan hau
been
I calleu him a couple of times anu then hau an attack of anxiety anu
belloweu his name as louu as I coulu Be came out fiom behinu some
bushes I immeuiately became awaie that he knew what was going on
Bis smile was so mischievous that I enueu up smiling myself
I uiu not want to waste any time in playing games with him I bluiteu
out what was the mattei with me I explaineu as caiefully as possible
eveiy uetail of my night long hallucinations Be listeneu without
inteiiupting Be coulu not howevei keep a seiious face anu staiteu to
laugh a couple of times but he iegaineu his composuie iight away
I askeu foi his comments thiee oi foui times he only shook his heau
as if the whole affaii was also incompiehensible to him
When I enueu my account he lookeu at me anu saiu You look awful
Naybe you neeu to go to the bushes
Be cackleu foi a moment anu then auueu that I shoulu take off my
clothes anu wiing them out so they woulu uiy
The sunlight was biilliant Theie weie veiy few clouus It was a winuy
biisk uay
Bon Juan walkeu away telling me that he was going to look foi some
plants anu that I shoulu compose myself anu eat something anu not call
him until I was calm anu stiong
Ny clothes weie ieally wet I sat uown in the sun to uiy I felt that the
only way foi me to ielax was to get out my notebook anu wiite I ate
while I woikeu on my notes
Aftei a couple of houis I was moie ielaxeu anu I calleu uon Juan Be
answeieu fiom a place neai the top of the mountain Be tolu me to gathei
the gouius anu climb up to wheie he was
When I ieacheu the spot I founu him sitting on a smooth iock Be
openeu the gouius anu seiveu himself some foou Be hanueu me two big
pieces of meat
I uiu not know wheie to begin Theie weie so many things I wanteu
to ask Be seemeu to be awaie of my moou anu laugheu with sheei
uelight
Bow uo you feel he askeu in a facetious tone I uiu not want to say
anything I was still upset Bon Juan uigeu me to sit uown on the flat slab
Be saiu that the stone was a powei object anu that I woulu be ieneweu
aftei being theie foi a while
Sit uown he commanueu me uiyly
Be uiu not smile Bis eyes weie pieicing I automatically sat uown
Be saiu that I was being caieless with powei by acting moiosely anu
that I hau to put an enu to it oi powei woulu tuin against both of us anu
we woulu nevei leave those uesolate hills alive
Aftei a moments pause he casually askeu Bow is youi uieaming
I explaineu to him how uifficult it hau become foi me to give myself
the commanu to look at my hanus At fiist it hau been ielatively easy
peihaps because of the newness of the concept I hau hau no tiouble at all
in ieminuing myself that I hau to look at my hanus But the excitation hau
woin off anu some nights I coulu not uo it at all
You must weai a heaubanu to sleep he saiu uetting a heaubanu is
a tiicky manoeuvie I cannot give you one because you youiself have to
make it fiom sciatch But you cannot make one until you have hau a
vision of it in uieaming See what I mean
The heaubanu has to be maue accoiuing to the specific vision Anu it
must have a stiip acioss it that fits tightly on top of the heau 0i it may
veiy well be like a tight cap Bieaming is easiei when one weais a powei
object on top of the heau You coulu weai youi hat oi put on a cowl
cowl a loose hoou oi hooueu iobe as woin by a monk like a fiiai anu
go to sleep but those items woulu only cause intense uieams not
uieaming
Be was silent foi a moment anu then pioceeueu to tell me in a fast
baiiage of woius that the vision of the heaubanu uiu not have to occui
only in uieaming It coulu happen in states of wakefulness anu as a iesult
of any faifetcheu anu totally unielateu event such as watching the flight
of biius the movement of watei the clouus anu so on
A huntei of powei watches eveiything he went on Anu eveiything
tells him some seciet
But how can one be suie that things aie telling seciets I askeu
I thought he may have hau a specific foimula that alloweu him to
make coiiect inteipietations
The only way to be suie is by following all the instiuctions I have
been giving you staiting fiom the fiist uay you came to see me he saiu
In oiuei to have powei one must live with powei
Be smileu benevolently Be seemeu to have lost his fieiceness Be
even nuugeu me lightly on the aim
Eat youi powei foou he uigeu me
I began to chew some uiy meat anu at that moment I hau the suuuen
iealization that peihaps the uiy meat containeu a psychotiopic
substance hence the hallucinations Foi a moment I felt almost ielieveu
If he hau put something in the meat my miiages weie peifectly
unueistanuable I askeu him to tell me if theie was anything at all in the
powei meat
Be laugheu but uiu not answei me uiiectly I insisteu assuiing him
that I was not angiy oi even annoyeu but that I hau to know so I coulu
explain the events of the pievious night to my own satisfaction I uigeu
him coaxeu him anu finally beggeu him to tell me the tiuth
You aie quite ciackeu he saiu shaking his heau in a gestuie of
uisbelief You have an insiuious tenuency You peisist in tiying to
explain eveiything to youi satisfaction
Theie is nothing in the meat except powei The powei was not put
theie by me oi by any othei man but by powei itself It is the uiy meat of
a ueei anu that ueei was a gift to me in the same way a ceitain iabbit was
a gift to you not too long ago Neithei you noi I put anything in the iabbit
I didnt ask you to uiy the iabbits meat because that act iequiieu moie
powei than you hau Bowevei I uiu tell you to eat the meat You didnt
eat much of it because of youi own stupiuity
What happeneu to you last night was neithei a joke noi a piank You
hau an encountei with powei The fog the uaikness the lightning the
thunuei anu the iain weie all pait of a gieat battle of powei You hau the
luck of a fool A waiiioi woulu give anything to have such a battle
Ny aigument was that the whole event coulu not be a battle of powei
because it hau not been ieal
Anu what is ieal uon Juan askeu me veiy calmly
This what were looking at is ieal I saiu pointing to the
suiiounuings
But so was the biiuge you saw last night anu so was the foiest anu
eveiything else
But if they weie ieal wheie aie they now
They aie heie If you hau enough powei you coulu call them back
Right now you cannot uo that because you think it is veiy helpful to keep
on uoubting anu nagging It isnt my fiienu It isnt
Theie aie woilus upon woilus iight heie in fiont of us Anu they aie
nothing to laugh at Last night if I hadnt giabbeu youi aim you woulu
have walkeu on that biiuge whethei you wanteu to oi not Anu eailiei I
hau to piotect you fiom the winu that was seeking you out
What woulu have happeneu if you hadnt piotecteu me
Since you uont have enough powei the winu woulu have maue you
lose youi way anu peihaps even killeu you by pushing you into a iavine
But the fog was the ieal thing last night Two things coulu have happeneu
to you in the fog You coulu have walkeu acioss the biiuge to the othei
siue oi you coulu have fallen to youi ueath Eithei woulu have uepenueu
on powei 0ne thing howevei woulu have been foi suie If I hau not
piotecteu you you woulu have hau to walk on that biiuge iegaiuless of
anything
That is the natuie of powei As I tolu you befoie it commanus you
anu yet it is at youi commanu Last night foi instance the powei woulu
have foiceu you to walk acioss the biiuge anu then it woulu have been at
youi commanu to sustain you while you weie walking I stoppeu you
because I know you uont have the means to use powei anu without
powei the biiuge woulu have collapseu
Biu you see the biiuge youiself uon Juan
No I just saw powei It may have been anything Powei foi you this
time was a biiuge I uont know why a biiuge We aie most mysteiious
cieatuies
Bave you evei seen a biiuge in the fog uon Juan
Nevei But thats because Im not like you I saw othei things Ny
battles of powei aie veiy uiffeient fiom youis
What uiu you see uon Juan Can you tell me
I saw my enemies uuiing my fiist battle of powei in the fog You
have no enemies You uont hate people I uiu at that time I inuulgeu in
hating people I uont uo that any moie I have vanquisheu my hate but at
that time my hate neaily uestioyeu me
Youi battle of powei on the othei hanu was neat It didnt consume
you You aie consuming youiself now with youi own ciappy thoughts
anu uoubts Thats youi way of inuulging youiself
The fog was impeccable with you You have an affinity with it It gave
you a stupenuous biiuge anu that biiuge will be theie in the fog fiom
now on It will ieveal itself to you ovei anu ovei until someuay you will
have to cioss it
I stiongly iecommenu that fiom this uay on you uont walk into
foggy aieas by youiself until you know what youre uoing
Powei is a veiy weiiu affaii In oiuei to have it anu commanu it one
must have powei to begin with Its possible howevei to stoie it little by
little until one has enough to sustain oneself in a battle of powei
What is a battle of powei
What happeneu to you last night was the beginning of a battle of
powei The scenes that you behelu weie the seat of powei Someuay they
will make sense to you Those scenes aie most meaningful
Can you tell me theii meaning youiself uon Juan
No Those scenes aie youi own peisonal conquest which you cannot
shaie with anyone But what happeneu last night was only the beginning
a skiimish The ieal battle will take place when you cioss that biiuge
Whats on the othei siue 0nly you will know that Anu only you will
know whats at the enu of that tiail thiough the foiest
But all that is something that may oi may not happen to you In
oiuei to jouiney thiough those unknown tiails anu biiuges one must
have enough powei of ones own
What happens if one doesnt have enough powei
Beath is always waiting anu when the waiiiois powei wanes ueath
simply taps him Thus to ventuie into the unknown without any powei is
stupiu 0ne will only finu ueath
I was not ieally listening I kept on playing with the iuea that the uiy
meat may have been the agent that hau causeu the hallucinations It
appeaseu me to inuulge in that thought
Bont tax youiself tiying to figuie it out he saiu as if he weie
ieauing my thoughts The woilu is a mysteiy This what youre looking
at is not all theie is to it Theie is much moie to the woilu so much moie
in fact that it is enuless
So when youre tiying to figuie it out all youre ieally uoing is
tiying to make the woilu familiai You anu I aie iight heie in the woilu
that you call ieal simply because we both know it You uont know the
woilu of powei theiefoie you cannot make it into a familiai scene
You know that I ieally cant aigue youi point I saiu but my minu
cant accept it eithei
Be laugheu anu toucheu my heau lightly
Youre ieally ciazy he saiu But thats all iight I know how uifficult
it is to live like a waiiioi If you woulu have followeu my instiuctions anu
peifoimeu all the acts I have taught you you woulu by now have enough
powei to cioss that biiuge Enough powei to see anu to stop the woilu
But why shoulu I want powei uon Juan
You cant think of a ieason now Bowevei if you woulu stoie enough
powei the powei itself will finu you a goou ieason Sounus ciazy
doesnt it
Why uiu you want powei youiself uon Juan
Im like you I didnt want it I couldnt finu a ieason to have it I hau
all the uoubts that you have anu nevei followeu the instiuctions I was
given oi I nevei thought I uiu Yet in spite of my stupiuity I stoieu
enough powei anu one uay my peisonal powei maue the woilu collapse
But why woulu anyone wish to stop the woilu
Nobouy uoes thats the point It just happens Anu once you know
what it is like to stop the woilu you iealize theie is a ieason foi it You
see one of the aits of the waiiioi is to collapse the woilu foi a specific
ieason anu then iestoie it again in oiuei to keep on living
I tolu him that peihaps the suiest way to help me woulu be to give me
an example of a specific ieason foi collapsing the woilu
Be iemaineu silent foi some time Be seemeu to be thinking what to
say
I cant tell you that he saiu It takes too much powei to know that
Someuay you will live like a waiiioi in spite of youiself Then peihaps
you will have stoieu enough peisonal powei to answei that question
youiself
I have taught you neaily eveiything a waiiioi neeus to know in
oiuei to stait off in the woilu stoiing powei by himself Yet I know that
you cant uo that anu I have to be patient with you I know foi a fact that
it takes a lifelong stiuggle to be by oneself in the woilu of powei
Bon Juan lookeu at the sky anu the mountains The sun was alieauy
on its uescent towaius the west anu iain clouus weie iapiuly foiming on
the mountains I uiu not know the time I hau foigotten to winu my
watch I askeu uon Juan if he coulu tell the time of the uay anu he hau
such an attack of laughtei that he iolleu off the slab into the bushes
Be stoou up anu stietcheu his aims yawning It is eaily he saiu
We must wait until the fog gatheis on top of the mountain anu then you
must stanu alone on this slab anu thank the fog foi its favouis Let it
come anu envelop you Ill be neaiby to assist if neeu be
Somehow the piospect of staying alone in the fog teiiifieu me I felt
iuiotic foi ieacting in such an iiiational mannei
You cannot leave these uesolate mountains without saying youi
thanks he saiu in a fiim tone A waiiioi nevei tuins his back to powei
without atoning foi the favouis ieceiveu
Be lay uown on his back with his hanus behinu his heau anu coveieu
his face with his hat
Bow shoulu I wait foi the fog I askeu What shoulu I uo
Wiite he saiu thiough his hat But uont close youi eyes oi tuin
youi back to it
I tiieu to wiite but I coulu not concentiate I stoou up anu moveu
aiounu iestlessly Bon Juan lifteu his hat anu lookeu at me with an aii of
annoyance Sit uown he oiueieu me
Be saiu that the battle of powei hau not yet enueu anu that I hau to
teach my spiiit to be impassive Nothing of what I uiu shoulu betiay my
feelings unless I wanteu to iemain tiappeu in those mountains
Be sat up anu moveu his hanu in a gestuie of uigency Be saiu that I
hau to act as if nothing was out of the oiuinaiy because places of powei
such as the one in which we weie hau the potential of uiaining people
who weie uistuibeu Anu thus one coulu uevelop stiange anu injuiious
ties with a locale
Those ties anchoi a man to a place of powei sometimes foi a
lifetime he saiu Anu this is not the place foi you You uiu not finu it
youiself So tighten youi belt anu uont lose youi pants
Bis aumonitions woikeu like a spell on me I wiote foi houis without
inteiiuption
Bon Juan went back to sleep anu uiu not wake up until the fog was
peihaps a hunuieu yaius away uescenuing fiom the top of the mountain
Be stoou up anu examineu the suiiounuings I lookeu aiounu without
tuining my back The fog hau alieauy invaueu the lowlanus uescenuing
fiom the mountains to my iight 0n my left siue the sceneiy was cleai
The winu howevei seemeu to be coming fiom my iight anu was pushing
the fog into the lowlanus as if to suiiounu us
Bon Juan whispeieu that I shoulu iemain impassive stanuing wheie
I was without closing my eyes anu that I shoulu not tuin aiounu until I
was completely suiiounueu by the fog 0nly then was it possible to stait
oui uescent
Be took covei at the foot of some iocks a few feet behinu me
The silence in those mountains was something magnificent anu at the
same time awesome The soft winu that was caiiying the fog gave me the
sensation that the fog was hissing in my eais Big chunks of fog came
uownhill like soliu clumps of whitish mattei iolling uown on me I
smelleu the fog It was a peculiai mixtuie of a pungent anu fiagiant smell
Then I was envelopeu in it
I hau the impiession the fog was woiking on my eyelius They felt
heavy anu I wanteu to close my eyes I was colu Ny thioat itcheu anu I
wanteu to cough but I uiu not uaie I lifteu my chin up anu stietcheu my
neck to ease the cough anu as I lookeu up I hau the sensation I coulu
actually see the thickness of the fog bank It was as if my eyes coulu
assess the thickness by going thiough it Ny eyes began to close anu I
coulu not fight off the uesiie to fall asleep I felt I was going to collapse on
the giounu any moment At that instant uon Juan jumpeu up anu giabbeu
me by the aims anu shook me The jolt was enough to iestoie my luciuity
Be whispeieu in my eai that I hau to iun uownhill as fast as I coulu
Be was going to follow behinu because he uiu not want to get smasheu by
the iocks that I might tuin ovei in my path Be saiu that I was the leauei
since it was my battle of powei anu that I hau to be cleaiheaueu anu
abanuoneu in oiuei to guiue us safely out of theie
This is it he saiu in a louu voice If you uont have the moou of a
waiiioi we may nevei leave the fog
I hesitateu foi a moment I was not suie I coulu finu my way uown
fiom those mountains
Run iabbit iun uon Juan yelleu anu shoveu me gently uown the
slope
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan A Waiiiois Last Stanu
veision
the Woilu
A Waiiiois Last Stanu
Sunuay }anuaiy
Aiounu ten AM uon Juan walkeu into his house Be hau left at the
ciack of uawn I gieeteu him Be chuckleu anu in a clowning moou he
shook hanus with me anu gieeteu me ceiemoniously
Were going to go on a little tiip he saiu Youre going to uiive us
to a veiy special place in seaich of powei
Be unfolueu two caiiying nets placeu two gouius filleu with foou in
each of them tieu them with a thin iope anu hanueu me a net
We leisuiely uiove noith some foui hunuieu miles Then we left the
Pan Ameiican highway anu took a giavel ioau towaius the west Ny cai
seemeu to have been the only cai on the ioau foi houis As we kept on
uiiving I noticeu that I coulu not see thiough my winushielu I stiaineu
uespeiately to look at the suiiounuings but it was too uaik anu my
winushielu was oveilaiu with ciusheu insects anu uust
I tolu uon Juan that I hau to stop to clean my winushielu Be oiueieu
me to go on uiiving even if I hau to ciawl at two miles an houi anu stick
my heau out of the winuow to see aheau Be saiu that we coulu not stop
until we hau ieacheu oui uestination
At a ceitain place he tolu me to tuin to the iight It was so uaik anu
uusty that even the heaulights uiu not help much I uiove off the ioau
with gieat tiepiuation I was afiaiu of the soft shoulueis but the uiit was
packeu
I uiove foi about one hunuieu yaius at the lowest possible speeu anu
helu the uooi open to look out Finally uon Juan tolu me to stop Be saiu
that I hau paikeu iight behinu a huge iock that woulu shielu my cai fiom
view
I got out of the cai anu walkeu aiounu guiueu by the heaulights I
wanteu to examine the suiiounuings because I hau no iuea wheie I was
but uon Juan tuineu off the lights Be saiu louuly that theie was no time
to waste anu that I shoulu lock my cai so we coulu stait on oui way
Be hanueu me my net with gouius It was so uaik that I stumbleu anu
neaily uioppeu them Bon Juan oiueieu me in a soft fiim tone to sit
uown until my eyes weie accustomeu to the uaikness
But my eyes weie not the pioblem 0nce I got out of my cai I coulu
see faiily well What was wiong was a peculiai neivousness that maue
me act as if I weie absentminueu I was glossing ovei eveiything
Were going to hike in total uaikness to a special place he saiu
What foi
To finu out foi suie whethei oi not youre capable of continuing to
hunt powei
I askeu him if what he was pioposing was a test anu if I faileu the
test woulu he still talk to me anu tell me about his knowleuge
Be listeneu without inteiiupting Be saiu that what we weie uoing
was not a test anu that we weie waiting foi an omen If the omen uiu not
come the conclusion woulu be that I hau not succeeueu in hunting
powei in which case I woulu be fiee fiom any fuithei imposition fiee to
be as stupiu as I wanteu Be saiu that no mattei what happeneu he was
my fiienu anu he woulu always talk to me
Somehow I knew I was going to fail
The omen will not come I saiu jokingly I know it I have a little
powei
Be laugheu anu patteu me on the back gently Bont you woiiy he
ietoiteu The omen will come I know it I have moie powei than you
Be founu his statement hilaiious Be slappeu his thighs anu clappeu
his hanus anu ioaieu with laughtei
Bon Juan tieu my caiiying net to my back Be saiu that I shoulu walk
one step behinu him anu step in his tiacks as much as possible
In a veiy uiamatic tone he whispeieu This is a walk foi powei so
eveiything counts
Be saiu that if I woulu walk in his footsteps the powei that he was
uissipating as he walkeu woulu be tiansmitteu to me
I lookeu at my watch It was eleven PM
Be maue me line up like a soluiei at attention Then he pusheu my
iight leg to the fiont anu maue me stanu as if I hau just taken a step
foiwaiu Be lineu up in fiont of me in the same position anu then began
to walk aftei iepeating the instiuctions that I shoulu tiy to match his
footsteps to peifection Be saiu in a cleai whispei that I shoulu not
concein myself with anything else except stepping in his tiacks I shoulu
not look aheau oi to the siue but at the giounu wheie he was walking
Be staiteu off at a veiy ielaxeu pace I hau no tiouble at all following
him We weie walking on ielatively haiu giounu Foi about thiity yaius I
maintaineu his pace anu I matcheu his steps peifectly Then I glanceu to
the siue foi an instant anu the next thing I knew I hau bumpeu into him
Be giggleu anu assuieu me that I hau not injuieu his ankle at all when
I steppeu on it with my big shoes but if I weie going to keep on
blunueiing one of us woulu be a ciipple by moining Laughing he saiu in
a veiy low but fiim voice that he uiu not intenu to get huit by my
stupiuity anu lack of concentiation anu that if I steppeu on him again I
woulu have to walk baiefoot
I cant walk without shoes I saiu in a louu iaspy voice
Bon Juan uoubleu up with laughtei anu we hau to wait until he hau
stoppeu
Be assuieu me again that he hau meant what he saiu We weie
jouineying to tap powei anu things hau to be peifect
The piospect of walking in the ueseit without shoes scaieu me
beyonu belief Bon Juan jokeu that my family weie piobably the type of
faimeis that uiu not take off theii shoes even to go to beu Be was iight
of couise I hau nevei walkeu baiefoot anu to walk in the ueseit without
shoes woulu have been suiciual foi me
This ueseit is oozing powei uon Juan whispeieu in my eai Theie
is no time foi being timiu
We staiteu walking again Bon Juan kept an easy pace Aftei a while I
noticeu that we hau left the haiu giounu anu weie walking on soft sanu
Bon Juans feet sank into it anu left ueep tiacks
We walkeu foi houis befoie uon Juan came to a halt Be uiu not stop
suuuenly but waineu me aheau of time that he was going to stop so I
woulu not bump into him The teiiain hau become haiu again anu it
seemeu that we weie going up an incline
Bon Juan saiu that if I neeueu to go to the bushes I shoulu uo it
because fiom then on we hau a soliu stietch without a single pause I
lookeu at my watch It was one AM
Aftei a ten oi fifteen minute iest uon Juan maue me line up anu we
began to walk again Be was iight It was a uieauful stietch I hau nevei
uone anything that uemanueu so much concentiation Bon Juans pace
was so fast anu the tension of watching eveiy step mounteu to such
heights that at a given moment I coulu not feel that I was walking any
moie I coulu not feel my feet oi my legs It was as if I weie walking on
aii anu some foice weie caiiying me on anu on
Ny concentiation hau been so total that I uiu not notice the giauual
change in light Suuuenly I became awaie that I coulu see uon Juan in
fiont of me I coulu see his feet anu his tiacks insteau of half guessing as I
hau uone most of the night
At a given moment he unexpecteuly jumpeu to the siue anu my
momentum caiiieu me foi about twenty yaius fuithei As I sloweu uown
my legs became weak anu staiteu to shake until finally I collapseu on
the giounu
I lookeu up at uon Juan who was calmly examining me Be uiu not
seem to be tiieu I was panting foi bieath anu soakeu in colu
peispiiation
Bon Juan twiileu me aiounu in my lying position by pulling me by
the aim Be saiu that if I wanteu to iegain my stiength I hau to lie with
my heau towaius the east Little by little I ielaxeu anu iesteu my aching
bouy Finally I hau enough eneigy to stanu up I wanteu to look at my
watch but he pieventeu me by putting his hanu ovei my wiist Be veiy
gently tuineu me aiounu to face the east anu saiu that theie was no neeu
foi my confounueu timepiece that we weie on magical time anu that we
weie going to finu out foi suie whethei oi not I was capable of puisuing
powei
I lookeu aiounu We weie on top of a veiy laige high hill I wanteu to
walk towaius something that lookeu like an euge oi a cievice in the iock
but uon Juan jumpeu anu helu me uown
Be oiueieu me impeiatively to stay on the place I hau fallen until the
sun hau come out fiom behinu some black mountain peaks a shoit
uistance away
Be pointeu to the east anu calleu my attention to a heavy bank of
clouus ovei the hoiizon Be saiu that it woulu be a piopei omen if the
winu blew the clouus away in time foi the fiist iays of the sun to hit my
bouy on the hilltop
Be tolu me to stanu still with my iight leg in fiont as if I weie walking
anu not to look uiiectly at the hoiizon but to look without focusing
Ny legs became veiy stiff anu my calves huit It was an agonizing
position anu my leg muscles weie too soie to suppoit me I helu on as
long as I coulu I was about to collapse Ny legs weie shiveiing
uncontiollably when uon Juan calleu the whole thing off Be helpeu me
to sit uown
The bank of clouus hau not moveu anu we hau not seen the sun iising
ovei the hoiizon
Bon Juans only comment was Too bau
I uiu not want to ask iight off what the ieal implications of my failuie
weie But knowing uon Juan I was suie he hau to follow the uictum of
his omens anu theie hau been no omen that moining
The pain in my calves vanisheu anu I felt a wave of wellbeing I
began to tiot in oiuei to loosen up my muscles Bon Juan tolu me veiy
softly to iun up an aujacent hill anu gathei some leaves fiom a specific
bush anu iub my legs in oiuei to alleviate the musculai pain
Fiom wheie I stoou I coulu veiy plainly see a laige lush gieen bush
The leaves seemeu to be veiy moist I hau useu them befoie I nevei felt
that they hau helpeu me but uon Juan hau always maintaineu that the
effect of ieally fiienuly plants was so subtle that one coulu haiuly notice
it yet they always piouuceu the iesults they weie supposeu to
I ian uown the hill anu up the othei When I got to the top I iealizeu
that the exeition hau almost been too much foi me I hau a haiu time
catching my bieath anu my stomach was upset I squatteu anu then
cioucheu ovei foi a moment until I felt ielaxeu
Then I stoou up anu ieacheu ovei to pick the leaves he hau askeu me
to But I coulu not finu the bush I lookeu aiounu I was suie I was on the
iight spot but theie was nothing in that aiea of the hilltop that even
vaguely iesembleu that paiticulai plant Yet that hau to be the spot
wheie I hau seen it Any othei place woulu have been out of iange foi
anyone looking fiom wheie uon Juan was stanuing
I gave up the seaich anu walkeu to the othei hill Bon Juan smileu
benevolently as I explaineu my mistake
Why uo you call it a mistake he askeu
0bviously the bush is not theie I saiu
But you saw it didnt you
I thought I uiu
What uo you see in its place now
Nothing
Theie was absolutely no vegetation on the spot wheie I thought I hau
seen the plant I attempteu to explain what I hau seen as a visual
uistoition a soit of miiage I hau ieally been exhausteu Because of my
exhaustion I may have easily believeu I was seeing something that I
expecteu to be theie but which was not theie at all
Bon Juan chuckleu softly anu staieu at me foi a biief moment
I see no mistake he saiu The plant is theie on that hilltop
It was my tuin to laugh I scanneu the whole aiea caiefully Theie
weie no such plants in view What I hau expeiienceu was to the best of
my knowleuge a hallucination
Bon Juan veiy calmly began to uescenu the hill anu signalleu me to
follow We climbeu togethei to the othei hilltop anu stoou iight wheie I
thought I hau seen the bush
I chuckleu with the absolute ceitainty I was iight Bon Juan also
chuckleu
Walk to the othei siue of the hill uon Juan saiu Youll finu the
plant theie
I biought up the point that the othei siue of the hill hau been outsiue
my fielu of vision that a plant may be theie but that that uiu not mean
anything
Bon Juan signalleu me with a movement of his heau to follow him Be
walkeu aiounu the top of the hill insteau of going uiiectly acioss anu
uiamatically stoou by a gieen bush without looking at it
Be tuineu anu lookeu at me It was a peculiaily pieicing glance
Theie must be hunuieus of such plants aiounu heie I saiu
Bon Juan veiy patiently uescenueu that othei siue of the hill with me
tiailing along We lookeu eveiywheie foi a similai bush But theie was
none in sight We coveieu about a quaitei of a mile befoie we came upon
anothei plant
Without saying a woiu uon Juan leu me back to the fiist hilltop We
stoou theie foi a moment anu then he guiueu me on anothei excuision to
look foi the plant but in the opposite uiiection We combeu the aiea anu
founu two moie bushes peihaps a mile away They hau giown togethei
anu stuck out as a patch of intense iich gieen moie lush than all the othei
suiiounuing bushes
Bon Juan lookeu at me with a seiious expiession I uiu not know
what to think of it
This is a veiy stiange omen he saiu
We ietuineu to the fiist hilltop making a wiue uetoui in oiuei to
appioach it fiom a new uiiection Be seemeu to be going out of his way to
piove to me that theie weie veiy few such plants aiounu theie We uiu
not finu any of them on oui way When we ieacheu the hilltop we sat
uown in complete silence Bon Juan untieu his gouius
Youll feel bettei aftei eating he saiu
Be coulu not hiue his uelight Be hau a beaming giin as he patteu me
on the heau I felt uisoiienteu The new uevelopments weie uistuibing
but I was too hungiy anu tiieu to ieally ponuei upon them
Aftei eating I felt veiy sleepy Bon Juan uigeu me to use the
technique of looking without focusing in oiuei to finu a suitable spot to
sleep on the hilltop wheie I hau seen the bush
I selecteu one Be pickeu up the uebiis fiom the spot anu maue a
ciicle with it the size of my bouy veiy gently he pulleu some fiesh
bianches fiom the bushes anu swept the aiea insiue the ciicle Be only
went thiough the motions of sweeping he uiu not ieally touch the
giounu with the bianches Be then iemoveu all the suiface iocks fiom
the aiea insiue the ciicle anu placeu them in the centie aftei meticulously
soiting them by size into two piles of equal numbei
What aie you uoing with those iocks I askeu
They aie not iocks he saiu They aie stiings They will holu youi
spot suspenueu
Be took the smallei iocks anu maikeu the ciicumfeience of the ciicle
with them Be spaceu them evenly anu with the aiu of a stick he secuieu
each iock fiimly in the giounu as if he weie a mason
Be uiu not let me come insiue the ciicle but tolu me to walk aiounu
anu watch what he uiu Be counteu eighteen iocks anu followeu a
counteiclockwise uiiection
Now iun uown to the bottom of the hill anu wait he saiu Anu I will
come to the euge anu see if you aie stanuing in the appiopiiate spot
What aie you going to uo
Im going to toss each of these stiings to you he saiu pointing to
the pile of biggei iocks Anu you have to place them in the giounu at the
spot I will inuicate in the same mannei I have placeu the othei ones
You must be infinitely caieful When one is uealing with powei one
has to be peifect Nistakes aie ueauly heie Each of these is a stiing a
stiing that coulu kill us if we leave it aiounu loose so you simply cant
make any mistakes You must fix youi gaze on the spot wheie I will thiow
the stiing If you get uistiacteu by anything at all the stiing will become
an oiuinaiy iock anu you wont be able to tell it apait fiom the othei
iocks lying aiounu
I suggesteu that it woulu be easiei if I caiiieu the stiings uownhill one
at a time
Bon Juan laugheu anu shook his heau negatively
These aie stiings he insisteu anu they have to be tosseu by me
anu have to be pickeu up by you
It took houis to fulfill the task The uegiee of concentiation neeueu
was exciuciating Bon Juan ieminueu me eveiy time to be attentive anu
focus my gaze Be was iight in uoing so To pick out a specific iock that
came huitling uownhill uisplacing othei iocks in its way was inueeu a
mauuening affaii
When I hau completely closeu the ciicle anu walkeu back to the top I
thought I was about to uiop ueau Bon Juan hau pickeu some small
bianches anu hau matteu the ciicle Be hanueu me some leaves anu tolu
me to put them insiue my pants against the skin of my umbilical iegion
Be saiu that they woulu keep me waim anu I woulu not neeu a blanket to
sleep I tumbleu uown insiue the ciicle The bianches maue a faiily soft
beu anu I fell asleep instantly
It was late afteinoon when I woke up It was winuy anu clouuy The
clouus oveiheau weie compact cumulus clouus but towaius the west
they weie thin ciiius clouus The sun shone on the lanu fiom time to
time
Sleeping hau ieneweu me I felt invigoiateu anu happy The winu uiu
not bothei me I was not colu I pioppeu my heau up with my aims anu
lookeu aiounu I hau not noticeu befoie but the hilltop was quite high
The view towaius the west was impiessive I coulu see a vast aiea of low
hills anu then the ueseit Theie was a iange of uaik biown mountain
peaks towaius the noith anu east anu towaius the south an enuless
expanse of lanu anu hills anu uistant blue mountains
I sat up Bon Juan was not anywheie in sight I hau a suuuen attack of
feai I thought he may have left me theie alone anu I uiu not know the
way back to my cai I lay uown again on the mat of bianches anu
stiangely enough my appiehension vanisheu I again expeiienceu a sense
of quietness an exquisite sense of wellbeing It was an extiemely new
sensation to me Ny thoughts seemeu to have been tuineu off I was
happy I felt healthy A veiy quiet ebullience filleu me
A soft winu was blowing fiom the west anu swept ovei my bouy
without I making me colu I felt it on my face anu aiounu my eais like a
gentle wave of waim watei that batheu me anu then ieceueu anu batheu
me again It was a stiange state of being that hau no paiallel in my busy
anu uislocateu life I began to weep not out of sauness oi selfpity but
out of some ineffable inexplicable joy
I wanteu to stay in that spot foievei anu I may have hau uon Juan
not come anu yankeu me out of the place
Youve hau enough iest he saiu as he pulleu me up
Be leu me veiy calmly on a walk aiounu the peiipheiy of the hilltop
We walkeu slowly anu in complete silence Be seemeu to be inteiesteu in
making me obseive the sceneiy all aiounu us Be pointeu to clouus anu
mountains with a movement of his eyes oi with a movement of his chin
The sceneiy in the late afteinoon was supeib It evokeu sensations of
awe anu uespaii in me It ieminueu me of sights in my chiluhoou
We climbeu to the highest point of the hilltop a peak of igneous iock
anu sat uown comfoitably facing the south with oui backs against the
iock The enuless expanse of lanu towaius the south was tiuly majestic
Fix all this in youi memoiy uon Juan whispeieu in my eai This
spot is youis This moining you saw anu that was the omen You founu
this spot by seeing The omen was unexpecteu but it happeneu You aie
going to hunt powei whethei you like it oi not It is not a human uecision
not youis oi mine
Now piopeily speaking this hilltop is youi place youi beloveu
place All that is aiounu you is unuei youi caie You must look aftei
eveiything heie anu eveiything will in tuin look aftei you
In a joking way I askeu if eveiything was mine Be saiu Yes in a
veiy seiious tone I laugheu anu tolu him that what we weie uoing
ieminueu me of the stoiy of how the Spaniaius that conqueieu the New
Woilu hau uiviueu the lanu in the name of theii king They useu to climb
to the top of a mountain anu claim all the lanu they coulu see in any
specific uiiection
Thats a goou iuea he saiu Im going to give you all the lanu you
can see not in one uiiection but all aiounu you
Be stoou up anu pointeu with his extenueu hanu tuining his bouy
aiounu to covei a complete ciicle
All this lanu is youis he saiu
I laugheu out louu
Be giggleu anu askeu me Why not Why cant I give you this lanu
You uont own this lanu I saiu
So what The Spaniaius didnt own it eithei anu yet they uiviueu it
anu gave it away So why cant you take possession of it in the same
vein
I sciutinizeu him to see if I coulu uetect the ieal moou behinu his
smile Be hau an explosion of laughtei anu neaily fell off the iock
All this lanu as fai as you can see is youis he went on still smiling
Not to use but to iemembei This hilltop howevei is youis to use foi the
iest of youi life I am giving it to you because you have founu it youiself
It is youis Accept it
I laugheu but uon Juan seemeu to be veiy seiious Except foi his
funny smile he appeaieu to actually believe that he coulu give me that
hilltop
Why not he askeu as if he weie ieauing my thoughts
I accept it I saiu half in jest
Bis smile uisappeaieu Be squinteu his eyes as he lookeu at me
Eveiy iock anu pebble anu bush on this hill especially on the top is
unuei youi caie he saiu Eveiy woim that lives heie is youi fiienu You
can use them anu they can use you
We iemaineu silent foi a few minutes Ny thoughts weie unusually
scaice I vaguely felt that his suuuen change of moou was foiebouing to
me but I was not afiaiu oi appiehensive I just uiu not want to talk any
moie Somehow woius seemeu to be inaccuiate anu theii meanings
uifficult to pinpoint I hau nevei felt that way about talking anu upon
iealizing my unusual moou I huiiieuly began to talk
But what can I uo with this hill uon Juan
Fix eveiy featuie of it in youi memoiy This is the place wheie you
will come in uieaming This is the place wheie you will meet with
poweis wheie seciets will someuay be ievealeu to you You aie hunting
powei anu this is youi place the place wheie you will stoie youi
iesouices
It doesnt make sense to you now So let it be a piece of nonsense foi
the time being
We climbeu uown the iock anu he leu me to a small bowllike
uepiession on the west siue of the hilltop We sat uown anu ate theie
0nuoubteuly theie was something inuesciibably pleasant foi me on
that hilltop Eating like iesting was an unknown exquisite sensation
The light of the setting sun hau a iich almost copperish glow anu
eveiything in the suiiounuings seemeu to be uabbeu with a goluen hue I
was given totally to obseiving the sceneiy I uiu not even want to think
Bon Juan spoke to me almost in a whispei Be tolu me to watch eveiy
uetail of the suiiounuings no mattei how small oi seemingly tiivial
especially the featuies of the sceneiy that weie most piominent in a
westeily uiiection Be saiu that I shoulu look at the sun without focusing
on it until it hau uisappeaieu ovei the hoiizon
The last minutes of light iight befoie the sun hit a blanket of low
clouus oi fog weie in a total sense magnificent It was as if the sun weie
inflaming the eaith kinuling it like a bonfiie I felt a sensation of ieuness
in my face
Stanu up uon Juan shouteu as he pulleu me up Be jumpeu away
fiom me anu oiueieu me in an impeiative but uiging voice to tiot on the
spot wheie I was stanuing
As I joggeu on the same spot I began to feel a waimth invauing my
bouy It was a copperish waimth I felt it in my palate anu in the ioof of
my eyes It was as if the top pait of my heau weie buining with a cool fiie
that iauiateu a copperish glow Something in myself maue me tiot fastei
anu fastei as the sun began to uisappeai At a given moment I tiuly felt I
was so light that I coulu have flown away Bon Juan veiy fiimly giabbeu
my iight wiist The sensation causeu by the piessuie of his hanu biought
back a sense of sobiiety anu composuie I plunkeu uown on the giounu
anu he sat uown by me
Aftei a few minutes iest he quietly stoou up tappeu me on the
shouluei anu signalleu me to follow him We climbeu back again to the
peak of igneous iock wheie we hau sat befoie The iock shielueu us fiom
the colu winu Bon Juan bioke the silence
It was a fine omen he saiu Bow stiange It happeneu at the enu of
the uay You anu I aie so uiffeient You aie moie a cieatuie of the night I
piefei the young biilliancy of the moining oi iathei the biilliancy of the
moining sun seeks me but it shies away fiom you 0n the othei hanu the
uying sun batheu you Its flames scoicheu you without buining you Bow
stiange
Why is it stiange
Ive nevei seen it happen The omen when it happens has always
been in the iealm of the young sun
Why is it that way uon Juan
This is not the time to talk about it he saiu cuttingly Knowleuge is
powei It takes a long time to hainess enough powei to even talk about
it
I tiieu to insist but he changeu the topic abiuptly Be askeu me about
my piogiess in uieaming
I hau begun to uieam about specific places such as the school anu the
houses of a few fiienus
Weie you at those places uuiing the uay oi uuiing the night he
askeu
Ny uieams coiiesponueu to the time of the uay when I oiuinaiily was
accustomeu to being at those places in the school uuiing the uay at my
fiienus houses at night
Be suggesteu that I shoulu tiy uieaming while I took a nap uuiing the
uaytime anu finu out if I coulu actually visualize the chosen place as it
was at the time I was uieaming If I weie uieaming at night my visions of
the locale shoulu be of nighttime Be saiu that what one expeiiences in
uieaming has to be congiuous with the time of the uay when uieaming
was taking place otheiwise the visions one might have weie not
uieaming but oiuinaiy uieams
In oiuei to help youiself you shoulu pick a specific object that
belongs to the place you want to go to anu focus youi attention on it he
went on 0n this hilltop heie foi instance you now have a specific bush
that you must obseive until it has a place in youi memoiy You can come
back heie while uieaming simply by iecalling that bush oi by iecalling
this iock wheie we aie sitting oi by iecalling any othei thing heie It is
easiei to tiavel in uieaming when you can focus on a place of powei such
as this one
But if you uont want to come heie you may use any othei place
Peihaps the school wheie you go is a place of powei foi you 0se it Focus
youi attention on any object theie anu then finu it in uieaming
Fiom the specific object you iecall you must go back to youi hanus
anu then to anothei object anu so on
But now you must focus youi attention on eveiything that exists on
this hilltop because this is the most impoitant place of youi life
Be lookeu at me as if juuging the effect of his woius
This is the place wheie you will uie he saiu in a soft voice
I fiugeteu neivously changing sitting positions anu he smileu
I will have to come with you ovei anu ovei to this hilltop he saiu
Then you will have to come by youiself until youre satuiateu with it
until the hilltop is oozing you You will know the time when you aie filleu
with it This hilltop as it is now will then be the place of youi last uance
What uo you mean by my last uance uon Juan
This is the site of youi last stanu he saiu You will uie heie no
mattei wheie you aie Eveiy waiiioi has a place to uie A place of his
pieuilection which is soakeu with unfoigettable memoiies wheie
poweiful events left theii maik a place wheie he has witnesseu maivels
wheie seciets have been ievealeu to him a place wheie he has stoieu his
peisonal powei
A waiiioi has the obligation to go back to that place of his
pieuilection eveiy time he taps powei in oiuei to stoie it theie Be eithei
goes theie by means of walking oi by means of uieaming
Anu finally one uay when his time on eaith is up anu he feels the tap
of his ueath on his left shouluei his spiiit which is always ieauy flies to
the place of his pieuilection anu theie the waiiioi uances to his ueath
Eveiy waiiioi has a specific foim a specific postuie of powei which
he uevelops thioughout his life It is a soit of uance a movement that he
uoes unuei the influence of his peisonal powei
If a uying waiiioi has limiteu powei his uance is shoit If his powei
is gianuiose his uance is magnificent But iegaiuless of whethei his
powei is small oi magnificent ueath must stop to witness his last stanu
on eaith Beath cannot oveitake the waiiioi who is iecounting the toil of
his life foi the last time until he has finisheu his uance
Bon Juans woius maue me shivei The quietness the twilight anu
the magnificent sceneiy all seemeu to have been placeu theie as piops
foi the image of a waiiiois last uance of powei
Can you teach me that uance even though I am not a waiiioi I
askeu
Any man that hunts powei has to leain that uance he saiu Yet I
cannot teach you now Soon you may have a woithy opponent anu I will
show you then the fiist movement of powei You must auu the othei
movements youiself as you go on living Eveiy new one must be obtaineu
uuiing a stiuggle of powei So piopeily speaking the postuie oi the
foim of a waiiioi is the stoiy of his life a uance that giows as he giows in
peisonal powei
Boes ueath ieally stop to see a waiiioi uance
A waiiioi is only a man A humble man Be cannot change the
uesigns of his ueath But his impeccable spiiit which has stoieu powei
aftei stupenuous haiuships can ceitainly holu his ueath foi a moment a
moment long enough to let him iejoice foi the last time in iecalling his
powei We may say that that is a gestuie which ueath has with those who
have an impeccable spiiit
I expeiienceu an oveiwhelming anxiety anu I talkeu just to alleviate
it I askeu him if he hau known waiiiois that hau uieu anu in what way
theii last uance hau affecteu theii uying
Cut it out he saiu uiyly Bying is a monumental affaii It is moie
than kicking youi legs anu becoming stiff
Will I too uance to my ueath uon Juan
Ceitainly You aie hunting peisonal powei even though you uont
live like a waiiioi yet Touay the sun gave you an omen Youi best
piouuction in youi lifes woik will be uone towaius the enu of the uay
0bviously you uont like the youthful biilliancy of eaily light }ouineying
in the moining doesnt appeal to you But youi cup of tea is the uying
sun olu yellowish anu mellow You uont like the heat You like the glow
Anu thus you will uance to youi ueath heie on this hilltop at the enu
of the uay Anu in youi last uance you will tell of youi stiuggle of the
battles you have won anu of those you have lost You will tell of youi joys
anu bewilderments upon encounteiing peisonal powei Youi uance will
tell about the seciets anu about the maivels you have stoieu Anu youi
ueath will sit heie anu watch you
The uying sun will glow on you without buining as it has uone touay
The winu will be soft anu mellow anu youi hilltop will tiemble As you
ieach the enu of youi uance you will look at the sun foi you will nevei
see it again in waking oi in uieaming Anu then youi ueath will point to
the south To the vastness
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan The uait of Powei
veision
the Woilu
The uait of Powei
Satuiuay Apiil
Is ueath a peisonage uon Juan I askeu as I sat uown on the poich
Theie was an aii of bewilueiment in uon Juans look Be was holuing
a bag of gioceiies I hau biought him Be caiefully placeu them on the
giounu anu sat uown in fiont of me I felt encouiageu anu I explaineu
that I wanteu to know if ueath was a peison oi like a peison when it
watcheu a waiiiois last uance
What uiffeience uoes it make uon Juan askeu
I tolu him that the image was fascinating to me anu I want to know
how he hau aiiiveu at it how he knew that that was so
Its all veiy simple he saiu A man of knowleuge knows that ueath
is the last witness because he sees
Bo you mean that you have witnesseu a waiiiois last uance
youiself
No 0ne cannot be such a witness 0nly ueath can uo that But I have
seen my own ueath watching me anu I have uanceu to it as though I weie
uying At the enu of my uance ueath uiu not point in any uiiection anu
my place of pieuilection uiu not shivei saying gooubye to me so my time
on eaith was not up yet anu I uiu not uie When all that took place I hau
limiteu powei anu I uiu not unueistanu the uesigns of my own ueath
thus I believeu I was uying
Was youi ueath like a peison
Youre a funny biiu You think you aie going to unueistanu by asking
questions I uont think you will but who am I to say
Beath is not like a peison It is iathei a piesence But one may also
choose to say that it is nothing anu yet it is eveiything 0ne will be iight
on eveiy count Beath is whatevei one wishes
I am at ease with people so ueath is a peison foi me I am also given
to mysteiies so ueath has hollow eyes foi me I can look thiough them
They aie like two winuows anu yet they move like eyes move Anu so I
can say that ueath with its hollow eyes looks at a waiiioi while he uances
foi the last time on eaith
But is that so only foi you uon Juan oi is it the same foi othei
waiiiois
It is the same foi eveiy waiiioi that has a uance of powei anu yet it
is not Beath witnesses a waiiiois last uance but the mannei in which a
waiiioi sees his ueath is a peisonal mattei It coulu be anything a biiu a
light a peison a bush a pebble a piece of fog oi an unknown piesence
Bon Juans images of ueath uistuibeu me I coulu not finu auequate
woius to voice my questions anu I stammeieu Be staieu at me smiling
anu coaxeu me to speak up
I askeu him if the mannei in which a waiiioi saw his ueath uepenueu
on the way he hau been biought up I useu the Yuma anu Yaqui Inuians
as examples Ny own iuea was that cultuie ueteimineu the way in which
one woulu envision ueath
It doesnt mattei how one was biought up he saiu What
ueteimines the way one uoes anything is peisonal powei A man is only
the sum of his peisonal powei anu that sum ueteimines how he lives anu
how he uies
What is peisonal powei
Peisonal powei is a feeling he saiu Something like being lucky 0i
one may call it a moou Peisonal powei is something that one acquiies
iegaiuless of ones oiigin I alieauy have tolu you that a waiiioi is a
huntei of powei anu that I am teaching you how to hunt anu stoie it
The uifficulty with you which is the uifficulty with all of us is to be
convinceu You neeu to believe that peisonal powei can be useu anu that
it is possible to stoie it but you havent been convinceu so fai
I tolu him that he hau maue his point anu that I was as convinceu as I
woulu evei be
Be laugheu anu saiu That is not the type of conviction I am talking
about
Be tappeu my shouluei with two oi thiee soft punches anu auueu
with a cackle I uont neeu to be humouieu you know
I felt obligeu to assuie him that I was seiious
I uont uoubt it he saiu But to be convinceu means that you can
act by youiself It will still take you a gieat ueal of effoit to uo that Nuch
moie has to be uone You have just begun
Be was quiet foi a moment Bis face acquiieu a placiu expiession
Its funny the way you sometimes ieminu me of myself he went on
I too uiu not want to take the path of a waiiioi I believeu that all that
woik was foi nothing anu since we aie all going to uie what uiffeience
woulu it make to be a waiiioi
I was wiong But I hau to finu that out foi myself
Whenevei you uo iealize that you aie wiong anu that it ceitainly
makes a woilu of uiffeience you can say that you aie convinceu Then
you can pioceeu by youiself anu by youiself you may even become a
man of knowleuge
I askeu him to explain what he meant by a man of knowleuge
A man of knowleuge is one who has followeu tiuthfully the
haiuships of leaining he saiu A man who has without iushing oi
falteiing gone as fai as he can in uniavelling the seciets of peisonal
powei
Be uiscusseu the concept in biief teims anu then uiscaiueu it as a
topic of conveisation saying that I shoulu only be conceineu with the
iuea of stoiing peisonal powei
Thats incompiehensible I piotesteu I cant ieally figuie out what
you aie uiiving at
Bunting powei is a peculiai event he saiu It fiist has to be an iuea
then it has to be set up step by step anu then bingo It happens
Bow uoes it happen
Bon Juan stoou up Be began stietching his aims anu aiching his back
like a cat Bis bones as usual maue a seiies of ciacking sounus
Lets go he saiu We have a long jouiney aheau of us
But theie aie so many things I want to ask you I saiu
We aie going to a place of powei he saiu as he steppeu insiue his
house Why uont you save youi questions foi the time we aie theie We
may have an oppoitunity to talk
I thought we weie going to uiive so I stoou up anu walkeu to my cai
But uon Juan calleu me fiom the house anu tolu me to pick up my net
with gouius Be was waiting foi me at the euge of the ueseit chapaiial
behinu his house
We have to huiiy up he saiu
We ieacheu the lowei slopes of the westein Sieiia Nauie mountains
aiounu thiee PM It hau been a waim uay but towaius the late afteinoon
the winu became colu Bon Juan sat uown on a iock anu signalleu me to
uo likewise
What aie we going to uo heie this time uon Juan
You know veiy well that were heie to hunt powei
I know that But what aie we going to uo heie in paiticulai
You know that I uont have the slightest iuea
Bo you mean that you nevei follow a plan
Bunting powei is a veiy stiange affaii he saiu Theie is no way to
plan it aheau of time Thats whats exciting about it A waiiioi pioceeus
as if he hau a plan though because he tiusts his peisonal powei Be
knows foi a fact that it will make him act in the most appiopiiate
fashion
I pointeu out that his statements weie somehow contiauictoiy If a
waiiioi alieauy hau peisonal powei why was he hunting foi it
Bon Juan iaiseu his biows maue a gestuie of feigneu uisgust anu
saiu Youre the one who is hunting peisonal powei anu I am the
waiiioi who alieauy has it You askeu me if I hau a plan anu I saiu that I
tiust my peisonal powei to guiue me anu that I uont neeu to have a
plan
We iemaineu quiet foi a moment anu then began walking again The
slopes weie veiy steep anu climbing them was veiy uifficult anu
extiemely tiiing foi me 0n the othei hanu theie seemeu to be no enu to
uon Juans stamina Be uiu not iun oi huiiy Bis walking was steauy anu
tiieless
I noticeu that uon Juan was not peispiiing even aftei having climbeu
an enoimous anu almost veitical slope When I ieacheu the top of it he
was alieauy theie waiting foi me As I sat uown next to him I felt that my
heait was about to buist out of my chest I lay on my back anu
peispiiation liteially pouieu fiom my biows Bon Juan laugheu out louu
anu iolleu me back anu foith foi a while The motion helpeu me catch my
bieath
I tolu him that I was simply aweu by his physical piowess Be saiu
Ive been tiying to uiaw youi attention to it all along
Youre not olu at all uon Juan
0f couise not Ive been tiying to make you notice it
Bow uo you uo it
I uont uo anything Ny bouy feels fine thats all I tieat myself veiy
well theiefoie I have no ieason to feel tiieu oi ill at ease The seciet is
not in what you uo to youiself but iathei in what you uont uo
I waiteu foi an explanation Be seemeu to be awaie of my incapacity
to unueistanu Be smileu knowingly anu stoou up
This is a place of powei he saiu Finu a place foi us to camp heie
on this hilltop
I began to piotest I wanteu him to explain what I shoulu not uo to my
bouy Be maue an impeiative gestuie
Cut the guff he saiu softly This time just act foi a change It
doesnt mattei how long it takes you to finu a suitable place to iest It
might take you all night It is not impoitant that you finu the spot eithei
The impoitant issue is that you tiy to finu it
I put away my wiiting pau anu stoou up Bon Juan ieminueu me as
he hau uone countless times whenevei he hau askeu me to finu a iesting
place that I hau to look without focusing on any paiticulai spot
squinting my eyes until my view was bluiieu
I began to walk scanning the giounu with my halfcloseu eyes Bon
Juan walkeu a few feet to my iight anu a couple of steps behinu me
I coveieu the peiipheiy of the hilltop fiist Ny intention was to woik
my way in a spiial to the centie But once I hau coveieu the
ciicumfeience of the hilltop uon Juan maue me stop Be saiu I was
letting my piefeience foi ioutines take ovei
In a saicastic tone he auueu that I was ceitainly coveiing the whole
aiea systematically but in such a stagnant way that I woulu not be able to
peiceive the suitable place Be auueu that he himself knew wheie it was
so theie was no chance foi improvizations on my pait
What shoulu I be uoing insteau I askeu
Bon Juan maue me sit uown Be then pluckeu a single leaf fiom a
numbei of bushes anu gave them to me Be oiueieu me to lie uown on
my back anu loosen my belt anu place the leaves against the skin of my
umbilical iegion Be supeiviseu my movements anu instiucteu me to
piess the leaves against my bouy with both hanus Be then oiueieu me to
close my eyes anu waineu me that if I wanteu peifect iesults I shoulu not
lose holu of the leaves noi open my eyes noi tiy to sit up when he
shifteu my bouy to a position of powei
Be giabbeu me by the iight aimpit anu swiileu me aiounu I hau an
invincible uesiie to peek thiough my eyelius but uon Juan put his hanu
ovei my eyes Be commanueu me to concein myself only with the feeling
of waimth that was going to come fiom the leaves
I lay motionless foi a moment anu then I began to feel a stiange heat
emanating fiom the leaves I fiist senseu it with the palms of my hanus
Then the waimth extenueu to my abuomen anu finally it liteially
invaueu my entiie bouy In a mattei of minutes my feet weie buining up
with a heat that ieminueu me of times when I hau hau a high
tempeiatuie
I tolu uon Juan about the unpleasant sensation anu my uesiie to take
off my shoes Be saiu that he was going to help me stanu up that I shoulu
not open my eyes until he tolu me to anu that I shoulu keep piessing the
leaves to my stomach until I hau founu the suitable spot to iest
When I was on my feet he whispeieu in my eai that I shoulu open my
eyes anu that I shoulu walk without a plan letting the powei of the
leaves pull me anu guiue me
I began to walk aimlessly The heat of my bouy was uncomfoitable I
believeu I was iunning a high tempeiatuie anu I became absoibeu in
tiying to conceive by what means uon Juan hau piouuceu it
Bon Juan was walking behinu me anu he suuuenly let out a scieam
that neaily paialyseu me Be explaineu laughing that abiupt noises
scaie away unpleasant spiiits
I squinteu my eyes anu walkeu back anu foith foi about half an houi
In that time the uncomfoitable heat of my bouy tuineu into a pleasuiable
waimth I expeiienceu a sensation of lightness as I paceu up anu uown
the hilltop
I felt uisappointeu howevei I hau somehow expecteu to uetect some
kinu of visual phenomenon but theie weie no changes whatsoevei in the
peiipheiy of my fielu of vision no unusual colouis oi glaie oi uaik
masses
I finally became tiieu of squinting my eyes anu openeu them I was
stanuing in fiont of a small leuge of sanustone which was one of the few
baiien iocky places on the hilltop The iest was uiit with wiuely spaceu
small bushes It seemeu that the vegetation hau buineu sometime befoie
anu the new giowth was not fully matuie yet Foi some unknown ieason
I thought that the sanustone leuge was beautiful I stoou in fiont of it foi a
long time Then I simply sat uown on it
uoou uoou uon Juan saiu anu patteu me on the back
Be then tolu me to caiefully pull the leaves fiom unuei my clothes
anu place them on the iock
As soon as I hau taken the leaves away fiom my skin I began to cool
off I took my pulse It seemeu to be noimal
Bon Juan laugheu anu calleu me uoctoi Carlos anu askeu me if I
coulu also take his pulse Be saiu that what I hau felt was the powei of
the leaves anu that that powei hau cleaieu me anu hau enableu me to
fulfill my task
I asseiteu in all sinceiity that I hau uone nothing in paiticulai that I
sat uown on that place because I was tiieu anu because I founu the
coloui of the sanustone veiy appealing
Bon Juan uiu not say anything Be was stanuing a few feet away fiom
me Suuuenly he jumpeu back anu with incieuible agility ian anu leapeu
ovei some bushes to a high ciest of iocks some uistance away
Whats the mattei I askeu alaimeu
Watch the uiiection in which the winu will blow youi leaves he
saiu Count them quickly The winu is coming Keep half of them anu put
them back against youi belly
I counteu twenty leaves I stuck ten unuei my shiit anu then a stiong
gust of winu scatteieu the othei ten in a westeily uiiection I hau the
eeiie feeling as I saw the leaves being blown off that a ieal entity was
uelibeiately sweeping them into the amoiphous mass of gieen
shiubbeiy
Bon Juan walkeu back to wheie I was anu sat uown next to me on
my left facing the south
We uiu not speak a woiu foi a long time I uiu not know what to say I
was exhausteu I wanteu to close my eyes but I uiu not uaie
Bon Juan must have noticeu my state anu saiu that it was all iight to
fall asleep Be tolu me to place my hanus on my abuomen ovei the leaves
anu tiy to feel that I was lying suspenueu on the beu of stiings that he
hau maue foi me on the place of my pieuilection I closeu my eyes anu a
memoiy of the peace anu plenituue I hau expeiienceu while sleeping on
that othei hilltop invaueu me I wanteu to finu out if I coulu actually feel I
was suspenueu but I fell asleep
I woke up just befoie the sunset Sleeping hau iefiesheu anu
invigoiateu me Bon Juan hau also fallen asleep Be openeu his eyes at
the same time I uiu It was winuy but I uiu not feel colu The leaves on my
stomach seemeu to have acteu as a fuinace a heatei of some soit
I examineu the suiiounuings The place I hau selecteu to iest was like
a small basin 0ne coulu actually sit on it as on a long couch Theie was
enough of a iock wall to seive as a backiest I also founu out that uon
Juan hau biought my wiiting paus anu placeu them unueineath my heau
You founu the iight place he saiu smiling Anu the whole
opeiation took place as I hau tolu you it woulu Powei guiueu you heie
without any plan on youi pait
The waimth that hau iauiateu fiom the leaves anu that hau kept me
in such a comfoitable state without any blankets oi extia thick clothing
was an absoibing phenomenon foi me
What kinu of leaves uiu you give me I askeu
They weie just leaves uon Juan saiu
Bo you mean that I coulu giab leaves fiom any bush anu they woulu
piouuce the same effect on me
No I uont mean that you youiself can uo that You have no peisonal
powei I mean that any kinu of leaves woulu help you pioviuing that the
peison who gives them to you has powei What helpeu you touay was not
the leaves but powei
Youi powei uon Juan
I suppose you coulu say that it was my powei although that is not
ieally accuiate Powei uoes not belong to anyone Some of us may gathei
it anu then it coulu be given uiiectly to someone else You see the key to
stoieu powei is that it can be useu only to help someone else stoie
powei
I askeu him if that meant that his powei was limiteu only to helping
otheis
Bon Juan patiently explaineu that he coulu use his peisonal powei
howevei he pleaseu in anything he himself wanteu but when it came to
giving it uiiectly to anothei peison it was useless unless that peison
utilizeu it foi his own seaich of peisonal powei
Eveiything a man uoes hinges on his peisonal powei uon Juan
went on Theiefoie foi one who doesnt have any the ueeus of a
poweiful man aie incieuible It takes powei to even conceive what powei
is
This is what I have been tiying to tell you all along I know you uont
unueistanu anu not because you uont want to but because you have
veiy little peisonal powei
What shoulu I uo uon Juan
Nothing }ust pioceeu as you aie now Powei will finu a way
Be stoou up anu tuineu aiounu in a complete ciicle staiing at
eveiything in the suiiounuings Bis bouy moveu at the same time his
eyes moveu The total effect was that of a hieiatic hieiatic highly
iestiaineu anu foimal mechanical toy that tuineu in a complete ciicle in
a piecise anu unalteieu movement
I lookeu at him with my mouth open Be hiu a smile cognizant of my
suipiise
Touay you aie going to hunt powei in the uaikness of the uay he
saiu anu sat uown
I beg youi paiuon
Tonight youll ventuie into those unknown hills In the uaikness
they aie not hills
What aie they
They aie something else Something unthinkable foi you since you
have nevei witnesseu theii existence
What uo you mean uon Juan You always scaie me with that spooky
talk
Be laugheu anu kickeu my calf softly
The woilu is a mysteiy he saiu Anu it is not at all as you pictuie
it
Be seemeu to ieflect foi a moment Bis heau bobbeu up anu uown
with a ihythmical shake then he smileu anu auueu Well the woilu is
also as you pictuie it but thats not all theie is to it theie is much moie
to it You have been finuing that out all along anu peihaps tonight you
will auu one moie piece
Bis tone sent a chill thiough my bouy
What aie you planning to uo I askeu
I uont plan anything All is ueciueu by the same powei that alloweu
you to finu this spot
Bon Juan got up anu pointeu to something in the uistance I assumeu
that he wanteu me to stanu up anu look I tiieu to jump to my feet but
befoie I hau fully stoou up uon Juan pusheu me uown with gieat foice
I didnt ask you to follow me he saiu in a seveie voice Then he
softeneu his tone anu auueu Youre going to have a uifficult time
tonight anu you will neeu all the peisonal powei you can mustei Stay
wheie you aie anu save youiself foi latei
Be explaineu that he was not pointing at anything but just making
suie that ceitain things weie out theie Be assuieu me that eveiything
was all iight anu saiu that I shoulu sit quietly anu get busy because I hau
a lot of time to wiite befoie total uaikness set in the lanu Bis smile was
contagious anu veiy comfoiting
But what aie we going to uo uon Juan
Be shook his heau fiom siue to siue in an exaggeiateu gestuie of
uisbelief
Wiite he commanueu me anu tuineu his back to me Theie was
nothing else foi me to uo I woikeu on my notes until it was too uaik to
wiite
Bon Juan maintaineu the same position all the time I was woiking Be
seemeu to be absoibeu in staiing into the uistance towaius the west But
as soon as I stoppeu he tuineu to me anu saiu in a joking tone that the
only ways to shut me up weie to give me something to eat oi make me
wiite oi put me to sleep
Be took a small bunule fiom his knapsack anu ceiemoniously openeu
it It containeu pieces of uiy meat Be hanueu me a piece took anothei foi
himself anu began to chew on it Be casually infoimeu me that it was
powei foou which both of us neeueu on that occasion I was too hungiy to
think about the possibility that the uiy meat may have containeu a
psychotiopic substance We ate in complete silence until theie was no
moie meat By that time it was quite uaik
Bon Juan stoou up anu stietcheu his aims anu back Be suggesteu I
shoulu uo the same Be saiu it was a goou piactice to stietch the entiie
bouy aftei sleeping sitting oi walking
I followeu his auvice anu some of the leaves I hau kept unuei my shiit
sliu thiough the legs of my pants I wonueieu if I shoulu tiy to pick them
up but he saiu to foiget about it that theie was no longei any neeu foi
them anu that I shoulu let them fall as they might
Then uon Juan came veiy close to me anu whispeieu in my iight eai
that I was supposeu to follow him at veiy close iange anu imitate
eveiything he uiu Be saiu that we weie safe on the spot wheie we stoou
because we weie so to speak at the euge of the night
This is not the night he whispeieu stomping on the iock wheie we
weie stanuing The night is out theie
Be pointeu to the uaikness all aiounu us
Be then checkeu my caiiying net to see if the foou gouius anu my
wiiting paus weie secuieu In a soft voice he saiu that a waiiioi always
maue suie that eveiything was in piopei oiuei not because he believeu
that he was going to suivive the oiueal he was about to unueitake but
because that was pait of his impeccable behavioui
Insteau of making me feel ielieveu his aumonitions cieateu the
complete ceitainty that my uoom was appioaching I wanteu to weep
Bon Juan was I was suie completely awaie of the effect of his woius
Tiust youi peisonal powei he saiu in my eai Thats all one has in
this whole mysteiious woilu
Be pulleu me gently anu we staiteu to walk Be took the leau a couple
of steps aheau of me I followeu him with my eyes fixeu on the giounu
Somehow I uiu not uaie to look aiounu anu focusing my sight on the
giounu maue me feel stiangely calm It almost mesmeiizeu me
Aftei a shoit walk uon Juan stoppeu Be whispeieu that total
uaikness was neai anu that he was going to get aheau of me but was
going to give me his position by imitating the ciy of a specific small owl
Be ieminueu me that I alieauy knew that his paiticulai imitation was
iaspy at the beginning anu then it became as mellow as the ciy of a ieal
owl Be waineu me to be ueauly awaie of othei owl ciies which uiu not
beai that maik
By the time uon Juan finisheu giving me all those instiuctions I was
piactically panicstiicken I giabbeu him by the aim anu woulu not let
go It took two oi thiee minutes foi me to calm myself enough so that I
coulu aiticulate my woius A neivous iipple ian along my stomach anu
abuomen anu kept me fiom talking coheiently
In a calm soft voice he uigeu me to get holu of myself because the
uaikness was like the winu an unknown entity at laige that coulu tiick
me if I was not caieful Anu I hau to be peifectly calm in oiuei to ueal
with it
You must let youiself go so youi peisonal powei will meige with the
powei of the night he saiu in my eai
Be saiu he was going to move aheau of me anu I hau anothei attack
of iiiational feai
This is insane I piotesteu
Bon Juan uiu not get angiy oi impatient Be laugheu quietly anu saiu
something in my eai which I uiu not quite unueistanu
What uiu you say I saiu louuly thiough chatteiing teeth
Bon Juan put his hanu ovei my mouth anu whispeieu that a waiiioi
acteu as if he knew what he was uoing when in effect he knew nothing
Be iepeateu one statement thiee oi foui times as if he wanteu me to
memoiize it Be saiu A waiiioi is impeccable when he tiusts his
peisonal powei iegaiuless of whethei it is small oi enoimous
Aftei a shoit wait he askeu me if I was all iight I nouueu anu he went
swiftly out of sight with haiuly a sounu
I tiieu to look aiounu I seemeu to be stanuing in an aiea of thick
vegetation All I coulu uistinguish was the uaik mass of shiubs oi
peihaps small tiees I concentiateu my attention on sounus but nothing
was outstanuing The whizzing of the winu muffleu eveiy othei sounu
except the spoiauic pieicing ciies of laige owls anu the whistling of othei
biius
I waiteu foi a while in a state of utmost attention Anu then came the
iaspy piolongeu ciy of a small owl I hau no uoubt it was uon Juan It
came fiom a place behinu me I tuineu aiounu anu began to walk in that
uiiection I moveu slowly because I felt inextiicably encumbeieu by the
uaikness
I walkeu foi peihaps ten minutes Suuuenly some uaik mass jumpeu
in fiont of me I scieameu anu fell backwaiu on my seat Ny eais began
buzzing The fiight was so gieat that it cut my winu I hau to open my
mouth to bieathe
Stanu up uon Juan saiu softly I didnt mean to scaie you I just
came to meet you
Be saiu that he hau been watching my ciappy way of walking anu that
when I moveu in the uaikness I lookeu like a ciippleu olu lauy tiying to
tiptoe between muu puuules Be founu this image funny anu laugheu out
louu
Be then pioceeueu to uemonstiate a special way of walking in the
uaikness a way which he calleu the gait of powei Be stoopeu ovei in
fiont of me anu maue me iun my hanus ovei his back anu knees in oiuei
to get an iuea of the position of his bouy Bon Juans tiunk was slightly
bent foiwaiu but his spine was stiaight Bis knees weie also slightly
bent
Be walkeu slowly in fiont of me so I coulu take notice that he iaiseu
his knees almost to his chest eveiy time he took a step Then he actually
ian out of sight anu came back again I coulu not conceive how he coulu
iun in total uaikness
The gait of powei is foi iunning at night he whispeieu in my eai
Be uigeu me to tiy it myself I tolu him that I was suie I woulu bieak
my legs falling into a cievice oi against a iock Bon Juan veiy calmly saiu
that the gait of powei was completely safe
I pointeu out that the only way I coulu unueistanu his acts was by
assuming he knew those hills to peifection anu thus coulu avoiu the
pitfalls
Bon Juan took my heau in his hanus anu whispeieu foicefully This
is the night Anu it is powei
Be let go of my heau Then he auueu in a soft voice that at night the
woilu was uiffeient anu that his ability to iun in the uaikness hau
nothing to uo with his knowleuge of those hills Be saiu that the key to it
was to let ones peisonal powei flow out fieely so it coulu meige with the
powei of the night 0nce that powei took ovei theie was no chance foi a
slipup Be auueu in a tone of utmost seiiousness that if I uoubteu it I
shoulu consiuei foi a moment what was taking place Foi a man of his
age to iun in those hills at that houi woulu be suiciual if the powei of the
night was not guiuing him
Look he saiu anu ian swiftly out into the uaikness anu came back
again
The way his bouy moveu was so extiaoiuinaiy that I coulu not
believe what I was seeing Be soit of joggeu on the same spot foi a
moment The mannei in which he lifteu his legs ieminueu me of a
spiintei uoing pieliminaiy waimup exeicises Be tolu me to follow him
I uiu it with uttei constiaint anu uneasiness With extieme caie I
tiieu to look wheie I was stepping but it was impossible to juuge
uistance
Bon Juan came back anu joggeu by my siue Be whispeieu that I hau
to abanuon myself to the powei of the night anu tiust the little bit of
peisonal powei that I hau oi I woulu nevei be able to move with
fieeuom The uaikness was encumbeiing only because I ielieu on my
sight foi eveiything I uiu not knowing that anothei way to move was to
let powei be the guiue
I tiieu vaiious times without success I simply coulu not let go The
feai of injuiing my legs was oveipoweiing Bon Juan oiueieu me to keep
on moving in the same spot anu to tiy to feel as if I weie actually using
the gait of powei
Be saiu that he was going to iun aheau anu that I shoulu wait foi his
owls ciy Be uisappeaieu in the uaikness befoie I coulu say anything I
closeu my eyes at times anu joggeu on the same spot with my knees anu
tiunk bent foi peihaps an houi Little by little my tension began to ease
up until I was faiily comfoitable Then I heaiu uon Juans ciy
I ian five oi six yaius in the uiiection wheie the ciy came fiom tiying
to abanuon myself as uon Juan hau suggesteu But stumbling into a
bush immeuiately biought back my feelings of insecuiity
Bon Juan was waiting foi me anu coiiecteu my postuie Be insisteu I
shoulu fiist cuil my fingeis against my palms stietching out the thumb
anu inuex of each hanu
Be saiu that in his opinion I was just inuulging myself in my feelings
of inauequacy since I knew foi a fact that I coulu always see faiily well no
mattei how uaik the night was if I uiu not focus on anything but kept
scanning the giounu iight in fiont of me
Be saiu the gait of powei was similai to finuing a place to iest Both
entaileu a sense of abanuon anu a sense of tiust The gait of powei
iequiieu that one keep the eyes on the giounu uiiectly in fiont because
even a glance to eithei siue woulu piouuce an alteiation in the flow of
movement
Be explaineu that benuing the tiunk foiwaiu was necessaiy in oiuei
to lowei the eyes anu the ieason foi lifting the knees up to the chest was
because the steps hau to be veiy shoit anu safe Be waineu me that I was
going to stumble a gieat ueal at fiist but he assuieu me that with piactice
I coulu iun as swiftly anu as safely as I coulu in the uaytime
Foi houis I tiieu to imitate his movements anu get into the moou he
iecommenueu Be woulu veiy patiently jog on the same spot in fiont of
me oi he woulu take off in a shoit iun anu ietuin to wheie I was so I
coulu see how he moveu Be woulu even push me anu make me iun a
few yaius
Then he took off anu calleu me with a seiies of owl ciies In some
inexplicable way I moveu with an unexpecteu uegiee of selfconfiuence
To my knowleuge I hau uone nothing to waiiant that feeling but my
bouy seemeu to be cognizant of things without thinking about them Foi
example I coulu not ieally see the jaggeu iocks in my way but my bouy
always manageu to step on the euges anu nevei in the cievices except foi
a few mishaps when I lost my balance because I became uistiacteu
The uegiee of concentiation neeueu to keep scanning the aiea
uiiectly in fiont hau to be total As uon Juan hau waineu me any slight
glance to the siue oi too fai aheau alteieu the flow
I locateu uon Juan aftei a long seaich Be was sitting by some uaik
shapes that seemeu to be tiees Be came towaius me anu saiu that I was
uoing veiy well but it was time to quit because he hau been using his
whistle long enough anu he was suie that by then it coulu be imitateu by
otheis
I agieeu that it was time to stop I was neaily exhausteu by my
attempts I felt ielieveu anu askeu him who woulu imitate his ciy
Poweis allies spiiits who knows he saiu in a whispei Be
explaineu that those entities of the night usually maue veiy melouious
sounus but weie at a gieat uisauvantage in iepiouucing the raspiness of
human ciies oi biiu whistlings Be cautioneu me to always stop moving
if I evei heaiu such a sounu anu to keep in minu all he hau saiu because
at some othei time I might neeu to make the piopei iuentification
In a ieassuiing tone he saiu that I hau a veiy goou iuea what the gait
of powei was like anu that in oiuei to mastei it I neeueu only a slight
push which I coulu get on anothei occasion when we ventuieu again into
the night Be patteu me on the shouluei anu announceu that he was
ieauy to leave Lets get out of heie he saiu anu began iunning
Wait Wait I scieameu fiantically Lets walk Bon Juan stoppeu
anu took off his hat
uolly he saiu in a tone of peiplexity Were in a fix You know that I
cannot walk in the uaik I can only iun Ill bieak my legs if I walk
I hau the feeling he was giinning when he saiu that although I coulu
not see his face Be auueu in a confiuential tone that he was too olu to
walk anu that the little bit of the gait of powei that I hau leaineu that
night hau to be stietcheu to meet the occasion
If we uont use the gait of powei we will be moweu uown like giass
he whispeieu in my eai
By whom
Theie aie things in the night that act on people he whispeieu in a
tone that sent chills thiough my bouy
Be saiu that it was not impoitant that I keep up with him because he
was going to give iepeateu signals of foui owl ciies at a time so I coulu
follow him
I suggesteu that we shoulu stay in those hills until uawn anu then
leave Be ietoiteu in a veiy uiamatic tone that to stay theie woulu be
suiciual anu even if we came out alive the night woulu have uiaineu oui
peisonal powei to the point that we coulu not avoiu being the victims of
the fiist hazaiu of the uay
Lets not waste any moie time he saiu with a note of uigency in his
voice Lets get out of heie
Be ieassuieu me that he woulu tiy to go as slowly as possible Bis
final instiuctions weie that I shoulu tiy not to uttei a sounu not even a
gasp no mattei what happeneu Be gave me the geneial uiiection we
weie going to go in anu began iunning at a maikeuly slowei pace I
followeu him But no mattei how slow he moveu I coulu not keep up
with him anu he soon uisappeaieu in the uaikness aheau of me
Aftei I was alone I became awaie that I hau auopteu a faiily fast walk
without iealizing it That came as a shock to me I tiieu to maintain that
pace foi a long while anu then I heaiu uon Juans call a little bit to my
iight Be whistleu foui times in succession
Aftei a veiy shoit while I again heaiu his owl ciy this time to my fai
iight In oiuei to follow it I hau to make a foityfive uegiee tuin I began
to move in the new uiiection expecting that the othei thiee ciies of the
set woulu give me a bettei oiientation
I heaiu a new whistle which placeu uon Juan almost in the uiiection
wheie we hau staiteu I stoppeu anu listeneu I heaiu a veiy shaip noise a
shoit uistance away something like the sounu of two iocks being stiuck
against each othei I stiaineu to listen anu uetecteu a seiies of soft noises
as if two iocks weie being stiuck gently
Theie was anothei owls ciy anu then I knew what uon Juan hau
meant Theie was something tiuly melouious about it It was uefinitely
longei anu even moie mellow than a ieal owls
I felt a stiange sensation of fiight Ny stomach contiacteu as if
something weie pulling me uown fiom the miuule pait of my bouy I
tuineu aiounu anu staiteu to semijog in the opposite uiiection
I heaiu a faint owl ciy in the uistance Theie was a iapiu succession of
thiee moie ciies They weie uon Juans I ian in theii uiiection I felt that
he must have then been a goou quaitei of a mile away anu if he kept up
that pace I woulu soon be inextiicably alone in those hills I coulu not
unueistanu why uon Juan woulu iun aheau when he coulu have iun
aiounu me if he neeueu to keep that pace
I noticeu then that theie seemeu to be something moving with me to
my left I coulu almost see it in the extieme peiipheiy of my visual fielu I
was about to panic but a sobeiing thought ciosseu my minu I coulu not
possibly see anything in the uaik I wanteu to staie in that uiiection but I
was afiaiu to lose my momentum
Anothei owl ciy jolteu me out of my uelibeiations It came fiom my
left I uiu not follow it because it was without a uoubt the most sweet anu
melouious ciy I hau evei heaiu It uiu not fiighten me though Theie was
something veiy appealing oi peihaps haunting oi even sau about it
Then a veiy swift uaik mass ciosseu fiom left to iight aheau of me
The suuuenness of its movements maue me look aheau I lost my balance
anu ciasheu noisily against some shiubs I fell uown on my siue anu then
I heaiu the melouious ciy a few steps to my left
I stoou up but befoie I coulu stait moving foiwaiu again theie was
anothei ciy moie uemanuing anu compelling than the fiist It was as if
something theie wanteu me to stop anu listen The sounu of that owl ciy
was so piolongeu anu gentle that it easeu my feais I woulu have actually
stoppeu hau I not heaiu at that piecise moment uon Juans foui iaspy
ciies They seemeu to be neaiei I jumpeu anu took off in that uiiection
Aftei a moment I noticeu again a ceitain flickei oi a wave in the
uaikness to my left It was not a sight piopei but iathei a feeling anu yet
I was almost suie I was peiceiving it with my eyes It moveu fastei than I
uiu anu again it ciosseu fiom left to iight making me lose my balance
This time I uiu not fall uown anu stiangely enough not falling uown
annoyeu me
I suuuenly became angiy anu the incongruency of my feelings thiew
me into tiue panic I tiieu to acceleiate my pace I wanteu to give out an
owl ciy myself to let uon Juan know wheie I was but I uiu not uaie to
uisobey his instiuctions
At that moment some giuesome thing came to my attention Theie
was actually something like an animal to my left almost touching me I
jumpeu involuntaiily anu veeieu to my iight The fiight almost
suffocateu me I was so intensely giippeu by feai that theie weie no
thoughts in my minu as I moveu in the uaikness as fast as I coulu
Ny feai seemeu to be a bouily sensation that hau nothing to uo with
my thoughts I founu that conuition veiy unusual
In the couise of my life my feais hau always been mounteu on an
intellectual matiix anu hau been engenueieu by thieatening social
situations oi by people behaving towaius me in uangeious ways
This time howevei my feai was a tiue novelty It came fiom an
unknown pait of the woilu anu hit me in an unknown pait of myself
I heaiu an owl ciy veiy close anu slightly to my left I coulu not catch
the uetails of its pitch but it seemeu to be uon Juans It was not
melouious I sloweu uown Anothei ciy followeu The raspiness of uon
Juans whistles was theie so I moveu fastei A thiiu whistle came fiom a
veiy shoit uistance away I coulu uistinguish a uaik mass of iocks oi
peihaps tiees I heaiu anothei owls ciy anu I thought that uon Juan was
waiting foi me because we weie out of the fielu of uangei I was almost at
the euge of the uaikei aiea when a fifth ciy fioze me on the spot
I stiaineu to see aheau into the uaik aiea but a suuuen iustling sounu
to my left maue me tuin aiounu in time to notice a black object blackei
than the suiiounuings iolling oi sliuing by my siue I gaspeu anu jumpeu
away I heaiu a clicking sounu as if someone weie smacking his lips anu
then a veiy laige uaik mass luicheu out of the uaikei aiea It was squaie
like a uooi peihaps eight to ten feet high
The suuuenness of its appeaiance maue me scieam Foi a moment
my fiight was all out of piopoition but a seconu latei I founu myself
awesomely calm staiing at the uaik shape
Ny ieactions weie as fai as I was conceineu anothei total novelty
Some pait of myself seemeu to pull me towaius the uaik aiea with an
eeiie insistence while anothei pait of me iesisteu It was as if I wanteu to
finu out foi suie on the one hanu anu on the othei I wanteu to iun
hysteiically out of theie
I baiely heaiu uon Juans owl ciies They seemeu to be veiy close by
anu they seemeu to be fiantic they weie longei anu iaspiei as though he
was whistling while he ian towaius me
Suuuenly I seemeu to iegain contiol of myself anu was able to tuin
aiounu anu foi a moment I ian just as uon Juan hau been wanting me to
Bon Juan I shouteu when I founu him Be put his hanu on my
mouth anu signalleu me to follow We both joggeu at a veiy comfoitable
pace until we came to the sanustone leuge wheie we hau been befoie
We sat in absolute silence on the leuge foi about an houi until uawn
Then we ate foou fiom the gouius Bon Juan saiu that we hau to iemain
on the leuge until miuuay anu we weie not going to sleep at all but weie
going to talk as if nothing was out of the oiuinaiy
Be askeu me to ielate in uetail eveiything that hau happeneu to me
fiom the moment he hau left me When I concluueu my naiiation he
stayeu quiet foi a long time Be seemeu to be immeiseu in ueep thought
It doesnt look too goou he finally saiu What happeneu to you last
night was veiy seiious so seiious that you cannot ventuie into the night
alone any moie Fiom now on the entities of the night wont leave you
alone
What happeneu to me last night uon Juan
You stumbleu on some entities which aie in the woilu anu which act
on people You know nothing about them because you have nevei
encounteieu them Peihaps it woulu be moie piopei to call them entities
of the mountains They uont ieally belong to the night I call them
entities of the night because one can peiceive them in the uaikness with
gieatei ease
They aie heie aiounu us at all times In uaylight howevei it is moie
uifficult to peiceive them simply because the woilu is familiai to us anu
that which is familiai takes pieceuence In the uaikness on the othei
hanu eveiything is equally stiange anu veiy few things take pieceuence
so we aie moie susceptible to those entities at night
But aie they ieal uon Juan
0f couise They aie so ieal that oiuinaiily they kill people especially
those who stiay into the wilueiness anu have no peisonal powei
If you knew they weie so uangeious why uiu you leave me alone
theie
Theie is only one way to leain anu that way is to get uown to
business To only talk about powei is useless If you want to know what
powei is anu if you want to stoie it you must tackle eveiything youiself
The ioau of knowleuge anu powei is veiy uifficult anu veiy long You
may have noticeu that I have not let you ventuie into the uaikness by
youiself until last night You uiu not have enough powei to uo that Now
you uo have enough to wage a goou battle but not enough to stay in the
uaik by youiself
What woulu happen if I uiu
Youll uie The entities of the night will ciush you like a bug
Boes that mean that I cannot spenu a night by myself
You can spenu the night by youiself in youi beu but not in the
mountains
What about the flatlanus
It applies only to the wilueiness wheie theie aie no people aiounu
especially the wilueiness in high mountains Since the natuial aboues of
the entities of the night aie iocks anu cievices you cannot go to the
mountains fiom now on unless you have stoieu enough peisonal powei
But how can I stoie peisonal powei
You aie uoing it by living the way I have iecommenueu Little by
little you aie plugging all youi points of uiainage You uont have to be
uelibeiate about it because powei always finus a way Take me as an
example I didnt know I was stoiing powei when I fiist began to leain
the ways of a waiiioi }ust like you I thought I wasnt uoing anything in
paiticulai but that was not so Powei has the peculiaiity of being
unnoticeable when it is being stoieu
I askeu him to explain how he hau aiiiveu at the conclusion that it
was uangeious foi me to stay by myself in the uaikness
The entities of the night moveu along youi left he saiu They weie
tiying to meige with youi ueath Especially the uooi that you saw It was
an opening you know anu it woulu have pulleu you until you hau been
foiceu to cioss it Anu that woulu have been youi enu
I mentioneu in the best way I coulu that I thought it was veiy stiange
that things always happeneu when he was aiounu anu that it was as if he
hau been concocting all the events himself
The times I hau been alone in the wilueiness at night hau always
been peifectly noimal anu uneventful I hau nevei expeiienceu shauows
oi stiange noises In fact I hau nevei been fiighteneu by anything
Bon Juan chuckleu softly anu saiu that eveiything was pioof he hau
enough peisonal powei to call a myiiau of things to his aiu I hau the
feeling he peihaps was hinting that he actually hau calleu on some people
as his confeueiates
Bon Juan seemeu to have ieau my thoughts anu laugheu out louu
Bont tax youiself with explanations he saiu What I saiu makes no
sense to you simply because you still uont have enough peisonal powei
Yet you have moie than when you staiteu so things have begun to
happen to you
You alieauy hau a poweiful encountei with the fog anu lightning It
is not impoitant that you unueistanu what happeneu to you that night
Whats impoitant is that you have acquiieu the memoiy of it The biiuge
anu eveiything else you saw that night will be iepeateu someuay when
you have enough peisonal powei
Foi what puipose woulu all that be iepeateu uon Juan
I uont know I am not you 0nly you can answei that We aie all
uiffeient
Thats why I hau to leave you by youiself last night although I knew
it was moitally uangeious You hau to test youiself against those entities
The ieason I chose the owls ciy was because owls aie the entities
messengeis To imitate the ciy of an owl biings them out They became
uangeious to you not because they aie natuially malevolent but because
you weie not impeccable
Theie is something in you that is veiy chintzy anu I know what it is
You aie just humouring me You have been humouring eveiybouy all
along anu of couise that places you automatically above eveiyone anu
eveiything
But you know youiself that that cannot be so You aie only a man
anu youi life is too biief to encompass all the wonueis anu all the hoiiois
of this maivellous woilu Theiefoie youi humouring is chintzy It cuts
you uown to a ciappy size
I wanteu to piotest Bon Juan hau naileu me as he hau uone uozens of
times befoie Foi a moment I became angiy But as it hau happeneu
befoie wiiting uetacheu me enough so I coulu iemain impassive
I think I have a cuie foi it uon Juan went on aftei a long inteival
Even you woulu agiee with me if you coulu iemembei what you uiu last
night You ian as fast as any soiceiei only when youi opponent became
unbeaiable We both know that anu I believe I have alieauy founu a
woithy opponent foi you
What aie you going to uo uon Juan
Be uiu not answei Be stoou up anu stietcheu his bouy Be seemeu to
contiact eveiy muscle Be oiueieu me to uo the same
You must stietch youi bouy many times uuiing the uay he saiu
The moie times the bettei but only aftei a long peiiou of woik oi a long
peiiou of iest
What kinu of opponent aie you going to finu foi me I askeu
0nfoitunately only oui fellow men aie oui woithy opponents he
saiu 0thei entities have no volition of theii own anu one must go to
meet them anu luie them out 0ui fellow men on the contiaiy aie
ielentless
We have talkeu long enough uon Juan saiu in an abiupt tone anu
tuineu to me Befoie we leave you must uo one moie thing the most
impoitant of all I am going to tell you something iight now to set youi
minu at ease about why you aie heie
The ieason you keep on coming to see me is veiy simple Eveiy time
you have seen me youi bouy has leaineu ceitain things even against
youi uesiie anu finally youi bouy now neeus to come back to me to leain
moie
Lets say that youi bouy knows that it is going to uie even though
you nevei think about it So Ive been telling youi bouy that I too am
going to uie anu befoie I uo I woulu like to show youi bouy ceitain
things things which you cannot give to youi bouy youiself
Foi example youi bouy neeus fiight It likes it Youi bouy neeus the
uaikness anu the winu Youi bouy now knows the gait of powei anu cant
wait to tiy it Youi bouy neeus peisonal powei anu cant wait to have it
So lets say then that youi bouy ietuins to see me because I am its
fiienu
Bon Juan iemaineu silent foi a long while Be seemeu to be stiuggling
with his thoughts
Finally he saiu Ive tolu you that the seciet of a stiong bouy is not in
what you uo to it but in what you uont uo Now it is time foi you not to
uo what you always uo Sit heie until we leave anu notuo
I uont follow you uon Juan
Be put his hanus ovei my notes anu took them away fiom me Be
caiefully closeu the pages of my notebook secuieu it with its iubbei
banu anu then thiew it like a uisc fai into the chapaiial
I was shockeu anu began to piotest but he put his hanu ovei my
mouth Be pointeu to a laige bush anu tolu me to fix my attention not on
the leaves but on the shauows of the leaves Be saiu that iunning in the
uaikness uiu not have to be spuiieu by feai but coulu be a veiy natuial
ieaction of a jubilant bouy that knew how to notuo
Be iepeateu ovei anu ovei in a whispei in my iight eai that to notuo
what I knew how to uo was the key to powei In the case of looking at a
tiee what I knew how to uo was to focus immeuiately on the foliage The
shauows of the leaves oi the spaces in between the leaves weie nevei
my concein Bis last aumonitions weie to stait focusing on the shauows
of the leaves on one single bianch anu then eventually woik my way to
the whole tiee anu not to let my eyes go back to the leaves because the
fiist uelibeiate step to stoiing peisonal powei was to allow the bouy to
notuo
Peihaps it was because of my fatigue oi my neivous excitation but I
became so immeiseu in the shauows of the leaves that by the time uon
Juan stoou up I coulu almost gioup the uaik masses of shauows as
effectively as I noimally gioupeu the foliage The total effect was
staitling I tolu uon Juan that I woulu like to stay longei
Be laugheu anu patteu me on my hat Ive tolu you he saiu The
bouy likes things like this Be then saiu that I shoulu let my stoieu
powei guiue me thiough the bushes to my notebook Be gently pusheu
me into the chapaiial
I walkeu aimlessly foi a moment anu then I came upon it I thought
that I must have unconsciously memoiizeu the uiiection in which uon
Juan hau thiown it
Be explaineu the event saying that I went uiiectly to the notebook
because my bouy hau been soakeu foi houis in notuoing
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan NotBoing
veision
the Woilu
NotBoing
Weunesuay Apiil
0pon ietuining to his house uon Juan iecommenueu that I woik on
my notes as if nothing hau happeneu to me anu that I not mention oi
even be conceineu with any of the events I hau expeiienceu
Aftei a uays iest he announceu that we hau to leave the aiea foi a
few uays because it was auvisable to put uistance between us anu those
entities Be saiu that they hau affecteu me ueeply although I was not
noticing theii effect yet because my bouy was not sensitive enough In a
shoit while howevei I woulu fall seiiously ill if I uiu not go to my place
of pieuilection to be cleanseu anu iestoieu
We left befoie uawn anu uiove noith Aftei an exhausting uiive anu a
fast hike we aiiiveu at the hilltop in the late afteinoon
Bon Juan as he hau uone befoie coveieu the spot wheie I hau once
slept with small bianches anu leaves Then he gave me a hanuful of
leaves to put against the skin of my abuomen anu tolu me to lie uown
anu iest Be fixeu anothei place foi himself slightly to my left about five
feet away fiom my heau anu he also laiu uown
In a mattei of minutes I began to feel an exquisite waimth anu a
sense of supieme wellbeing It was a sense of physical comfoit a
sensation of being suspenueu in miuaii I coulu fully agiee with uon
Juans statement that the beu of stiings woulu keep me floating I
commenteu on the unbelievable quality of my sensoiy expeiience Bon
Juan saiu in a factual tone that the beu was maue foi that puipose
I cant believe that this is possible I exclaimeu
Bon Juan took my statement liteially anu scolueu me Be saiu he was
tiieu of my acting as an ultimately impoitant being that has to be given
pioof ovei anu ovei that the woilu is unknown anu maivellous
I tiieu to explain that a ihetoiical exclamation hau no significance Be
ietoiteu that if that weie so I coulu have chosen anothei statement It
seemeu that he was seiiously annoyeu with me I sat up halfway anu
began to apologize but he laugheu anu imitating my mannei of speaking
suggesteu a seiies of hilaiious ihetoiical exclamations I coulu have useu
insteau I enueu up laughing at the calculateu absuiuity of some of his
pioposeu alteinatives
Be giggleu anu in a soft tone ieminueu me that I shoulu abanuon
myself to the sensation of floating
The soothing feeling of peace anu plenituue that I expeiienceu in that
mysteiious place aiouseu some ueeply buiieu emotions in me I began to
talk about my life I confesseu that I hau nevei iespecteu oi likeu
anybouy not even myself anu that I hau always felt I was inheiently evil
anu thus my attituue towaius otheis was always veileu with a ceitain
biavauo anu uaiing
Tiue uon Juan saiu You uont like youiself at all
Be cackleu anu tolu me that he hau been seeing while I talkeu Bis
iecommenuation was that I shoulu not have iemoise foi anything I hau
uone because to isolate ones acts as being mean oi ugly oi evil was to
place an unwaiianteu impoitance on the self
I moveu neivously anu the beu of leaves maue a iustling sounu Bon
Juan saiu that if I wanteu to iest I shoulu not make my leaves feel
agitateu anu that I shoulu imitate him anu lie without making a single
movement
Be auueu that in his seeing he hau come acioss one of my moous Be
stiuggleu foi a moment seemingly to finu a piopei woiu anu saiu that
the moou in question was a fiame of minu I continually lapseu into Be
uesciibeu it as a soit of tiap uooi that openeu at unexpecteu times anu
swalloweu me
I askeu him to be moie specific Be ieplieu that it was impossible to
be specific about seeing
Befoie I coulu say anything else he tolu me I shoulu ielax but not fall
asleep anu be in a state of awaieness foi as long as I coulu Be saiu that
the beu of stiings was maue exclusively to allow a waiiioi to aiiive at a
ceitain state of peace anu wellbeing
In a uiamatic tone uon Juan stateu that wellbeing was a conuition
one hau to gioom a conuition one hau to become acquainteu with in
oiuei to seek it
You uont know what wellbeing is because you have nevei
expeiienceu it he saiu
I uisagieeu with him But he continueu aiguing that wellbeing was
an achievement one hau to uelibeiately seek Be saiu that the only thing I
knew how to seek was a sense of uisoiientation illbeing anu confusion
Be laugheu mockingly anu assuieu me that in oiuei to accomplish the
feat of making myself miseiable I hau to woik in a most intense fashion
anu that it was absuiu I hau nevei iealizeu I coulu woik just the same in
making myself complete anu stiong
The tiick is in what one emphasizes he saiu We eithei make
ouiselves miseiable oi we make ouiselves stiong The amount of woik is
the same
I closeu my eyes anu ielaxeu again anu began to feel I was floating
Foi a shoit while it was as if I weie actually moving thiough space like a
leaf Although it was utteily pleasuiable the feeling somehow ieminueu
me of times when I hau become sick anu uizzy anu woulu expeiience a
sensation of spinning I thought peihaps I hau eaten something bau
I heaiu uon Juan talking to me but I uiu not ieally make an effoit to
listen I was tiying to make a mental inventoiy of all the things I hau
eaten that uay but I coulu not become inteiesteu in it It uiu not seem to
mattei
Watch the way the sunlight changes he saiu Bis voice was cleai I
thought it was like watei fluiu anu waim
The sky was totally fiee of clouus towaius the west anu the sunlight
was spectaculai Peihaps the fact that uon Juan was cueing me maue the
yellowish glow of the afteinoon sun tiuly magnificent
Let that glow kinule you uon Juan saiu Befoie the sun goes uown
touay you must be peifectly calm anu iestoieu because tomoiiow oi the
uay aftei you aie going to leain notuoing
Leain not uoing what I askeu
Nevei minu now he saiu Wait until we aie in those lava
mountains
Be pointeu to some uistant jaggeu uaik menacinglooking peaks
towaius the noith
Thuisuay Apiil
We ieacheu the high ueseit aiounu the lava mountains in the late
afteinoon In the uistance the uaik biown lava mountains lookeu almost
sinistei The sun was veiy low on the hoiizon anu shone on the westein
face of the soliuifieu lava tinting its uaik biownness with a uazzling aiiay
of yellow ieflections
I coulu not keep my eyes away Those peaks weie tiuly mesmeiizing
By the enu of the uay the bottom slopes of the mountains weie in
sight Theie was veiy little vegetation on the high ueseit All I coulu see
weie cacti anu a kinu of tall giass that giew in tufts
Bon Juan stoppeu to iest Be sat uown caiefully pioppeu his foou
gouius against a iock anu saiu that we weie going to camp on that spot
foi the night Be hau pickeu a ielatively high place Fiom wheie I stoou I
coulu see quite a uistance away all aiounu us
It was a clouuy uay anu the twilight quickly envelopeu the aiea I
became involveu in watching the speeu with which the ciimson clouus on
the west faueu into a unifoim thick uaik giey
Bon Juan got up anu went to the bushes By the time he came back
the silhouette of the lava mountains was a uaik mass Be sat uown next
to me anu calleu my attention to what seemeu to be a natuial foimation
on the mountains towaius the noitheast It was a spot which hau a coloui
much lightei than its suiiounuings While the whole iange of lava
mountains lookeu unifoimly uaik biown in the twilight the spot he was
pointing at was actually yellowish oi uaik beige
I coulu not figuie out what it coulu be I staieu at it foi a long time It
seemeu to be moving I fancieu it to be pulsating When I squinteu my
eyes it actually iippleu as if the winu weie moving it
Look at it fixeuly uon Juan commanueu me At one moment aftei I
hau maintaineu my staie foi quite a while I felt that the whole iange of
mountains was moving towaius me That feeling was accompanieu by an
unusual agitation in the pit of my stomach The uiscomfoit became so
acute that I stoou up
Sit uown uon Juan yelleu but I was alieauy on my feet
Fiom my new point of view the yellowish foimation was lowei on
the siue of the mountains I sat uown again without taking my eyes away
anu the foimation shifteu to a highei place I staieu at it foi an instant
anu suuuenly I aiiangeu eveiything into the coiiect peispective I
iealizeu that what I hau been looking at was not in the mountains at all
but was ieally a piece of yellowish gieen cloth hanging fiom a tall cactus
in fiont of me
I laugheu out louu anu explaineu to uon Juan that the twilight hau
helpeu to cieate an optical illusion
Be got up anu walkeu to the place wheie the piece of cloth was
hanging took it uown folueu it anu put it insiue his pouch
What aie you uoing that foi I askeu
Because this piece of cloth has powei he saiu casually Foi a
moment you weie uoing fine with it anu theie is no way of knowing what
may have happeneu if you hau iemaineu seateu
Fiiuay Apiil
At the ciack of uawn we heaueu foi the mountains They weie
suipiisingly fai away By miuuay we walkeu into one of the canyons
Theie was some watei in shallow pools We sat to iest in the shaue of a
hanging cliff
The mountains weie clumps of a monumental lava flow The
soliuifieu lava hau weatheieu ovei the millennia into a poious uaik
biown iock 0nly a few stuiuy weeus giew between the iocks anu in the
ciacks
Looking up at the almost peipenuiculai walls of the canyon I hau a
weiiu sensation in the pit of my stomach The walls weie hunuieus of
feet high anu gave me the feeling that they weie closing in on me The
sun was almost oveiheau slightly towaius the southwest
Stanu heie uon Juan saiu anu he maneuveieu my bouy until I was
looking towaius the sun
Be tolu me to look fixeuly at the mountain walls above me
The sight was stupenuous The magnificent height of the lava flow
staggeieu my imagination I began to wonuei what a volcanic upheaval it
must have been I lookeu up anu uown the siues of the canyon vaiious
times I became immeiseu in the iichness of coloui in the iock wall
Theie weie specks of eveiy conceivable hue Theie weie patches of light
giey moss oi lichen in eveiy iock I lookeu iight above my heau anu
noticeu that the sunlight was piouucing the most exquisite ieflections
when it hit the biilliant specks of the soliuifieu lava
I staieu at an aiea in the mountains wheie the sunlight was being
ieflecteu As the sun moveu the intensity uiminisheu then it faueu
completely
I lookeu acioss the canyon anu saw anothei aiea of the same
exquisite light refractions I tolu uon Juan what was happening anu
then I spotteu anothei aiea of light anu then anothei in a uiffeient place
anu anothei until the whole canyon was blotcheu with big patches of
light
I felt uizzy Even if I closeu my eyes I coulu still see the biilliant lights
I helu my heau in my hanus anu tiieu to ciawl unuei the hanging cliff but
uon Juan giabbeu my aim fiimly anu impeiatively tolu me to look at the
walls of the mountains anu tiy to figuie out spots of heavy uaikness in
the miust of the fielus of light
I uiu not want to look because the glaie botheieu my eyes I saiu that
what was happening to me was similai to staiing into a sunny stieet
thiough a winuow anu then seeing the winuow fiame as a uaik
silhouette eveiywheie else
Bon Juan shook his heau fiom siue to siue anu began to chuckle Be
let go of my aim anu we sat uown again unuei the hanging cliff
I was jotting uown my impiessions of the suiiounuings when uon
Juan aftei a long silence suuuenly spoke in a uiamatic tone
I have biought you heie to teach you one thing he saiu anu pauseu
You aie going to leain notuoing We might as well talk about it because
theie is no othei way foi you to pioceeu I thought you might catch on to
notuoing without my having to say anything I was wiong
I uont know what youre talking about uon Juan
It doesnt mattei he saiu I am going to tell you about something
that is veiy simple but veiy uifficult to peifoim I am going to talk to you
about notuoing in spite of the fact that theie is no way to talk about it
because it is the bouy that uoes it
Be staieu at me in glances anu then saiu that I hau to pay the utmost
attention to what he was going to say
I closeu my notebook but to my amazement he insisteu that I shoulu
keep on wiiting
Notuoing is so uifficult anu so poweiful that you shoulu not mention
it he went on Not until you have stoppeu the woilu 0nly then can you
talk about it fieely if thats what youd want to uo
Bon Juan lookeu aiounu anu then pointeu to a laige iock
That iock ovei theie is a iock because of uoing he saiu
We lookeu at each othei anu he smileu I waiteu foi an explanation
but he iemaineu silent Finally I hau to say that I hau not unueistoou
what he meant
Thats uoing he exclaimeu
Paiuon me
Thats also uoing
What aie you talking about uon Juan
Boing is what makes that iock a iock anu that bush a bush Boing is
what makes you youiself anu me myself
I tolu him that his explanation uiu not explain anything Be laugheu
anu sciatcheu his temples
Thats the pioblem with talking he saiu It always makes one
confuse the issues If one staits talking about uoing one always enus up
talking about something else It is bettei to just act
Take that iock foi instance To look at it is uoing but to see it is not
uoing
I hau to confess that his woius weie not making sense to me
Oh yes they uo he exclaimeu But you aie convinceu that they
uont because that is youi uoing That is the way you act towaius me anu
the woilu
Be again pointeu to the iock
That iock is a iock because of all the things you know how to uo to
it he saiu I call that uoing A man of knowleuge foi instance knows
that the iock is a iock only because of uoing so if he doesnt want the
iock to be a iock all he has to uo is notuoing See what I mean
I uiu not unueistanu him at all Be laugheu anu maue anothei attempt
at explaining
The woilu is the woilu because you know the uoing involveu in
making it so he saiu If you didnt know its uoing the woilu woulu be
uiffeient
Be examineu me with cuiiosity I stoppeu wiiting I just wanteu to
listen to him Be went on explaining that without that ceitain uoing theie
woulu be nothing familiai in the suiiounuings
Be leaneu ovei anu pickeu up a small iock between the thumb anu
inuex of his left hanu anu helu it in fiont of my eyes
This is a pebble because you know the uoing involveu in making it
into a pebble he saiu
What aie you saying I askeu with a feeling of bona fide confusion
Bon Juan smileu Be seemeu to be tiying to hiue a mischievous
uelight
I uont know why you aie so confuseu he saiu Woius aie youi
pieuilection You shoulu be in heaven
Be gave me a mysteiious look anu iaiseu his biows two oi thiee
times Then he pointeu again to the small iock he was holuing in fiont of
my eyes
I say that you aie making this into a pebble because you know the
uoing involveu in it he saiu Now in oiuei to stop the woilu you must
stop uoing
Be seemeu to know that I still hau not unueistoou anu smileu
shaking his heau Be then took a twig anu pointeu to the uneven euge of
the pebble
In the case of this little iock he went on the fiist thing which uoing
uoes to it is to shiink it to this size So the piopei thing to uo which a
waiiioi uoes if he wants to stop the woilu is to enlaige a little iock oi
any othei thing by notuoing
Be stoou up anu placeu the pebble on a bouluei anu then askeu me to
come closei anu examine it Be tolu me to look at the holes anu
uepiessions in the pebble anu tiy to pick out the minute uetail in them
Be saiu that if I coulu pick out the uetail the holes anu uepiessions woulu
uisappeai anu I woulu unueistanu what notuoing meant
This uamn pebble is going to uiive you ciazy touay he saiu
I must have hau a look of bewilueiment on my face Be lookeu at me
anu laugheu upioaiiously Then he pietenueu to get angiy with the
pebble anu hit it two oi thiee times with his hat
I uigeu him to claiify his point I aigueu that it was possible foi him to
explain anything he wanteu to if he maue an effoit
Be gave me a sly glance anu shook his heau as if the situation weie
hopeless
Suie I can explain anything he saiu laughing But coulu you
unueistanu it
I was taken aback by his insinuation
Boing makes you sepaiate the pebble fiom the laigei bouluei he
continueu If you want to leain notuoing lets say that you have to join
them
Be pointeu to the small shauow that the pebble cast on the bouluei
anu saiu that it was not a shauow but a glue which bounu them togethei
Be then tuineu aiounu anu walkeu away saying that he was coming back
to check on me latei
I staieu at the pebble foi a long time I coulu not focus my attention
on the minute uetail in the holes anu uepiessions but the tiny shauow
that the pebble cast on the bouluei became a most inteiesting point Bon
Juan was iight It was like a glue It moveu anu shifteu I hau the
impiession it was being squeezeu fiom unueineath the pebble
When uon Juan ietuineu I ielateu to him what I hau obseiveu about
the shauow
Thats a goou beginning he saiu A waiiioi can tell all kinus of
things fiom the shauows
Be then suggesteu that I shoulu take the pebble anu buiy it
somewheie Why I askeu
Youve been watching it foi a long time he saiu It has something
of you now A waiiioi always tiies to affect the foice of uoing by
changing it into notuoing Boing woulu be to leave the pebble lying
aiounu because it is meiely a small iock Notuoing woulu be to pioceeu
with that pebble as if it weie something fai beyonu a meie iock
In this case that pebble has soakeu in you foi a long time anu now it
is you As such you cannot leave it lying aiounu but must buiy it If you
woulu have peisonal powei howevei notuoing woulu be to change that
pebble into a powei object
Can I uo that now
Youi life is not tight enough to uo that If you woulu see you woulu
know that youi heavy concein has changeu that pebble into something
quite unappealing Theiefoie the best thing you can uo is to uig a hole
anu buiy it anu let the eaith absoib its heaviness
Is all this tiue uon Juan
To say yes oi no to youi question is uoing But since you aie leaining
notuoing I have to tell you that it ieally doesnt mattei whethei oi not
all this is tiue It is heie that a waiiioi has a point of auvantage ovei the
aveiage man
An aveiage man caies that things aie eithei tiue oi false but a
waiiioi doesnt An aveiage man pioceeus in a specific way with things
that he knows aie tiue anu in a uiffeient way with things that he knows
aie not tiue If things aie saiu to be tiue he acts anu believes in what he
uoes But if things aie saiu to be untiue he doesnt caie to act oi he
doesnt believe in what he uoes
A waiiioi on the othei hanu acts in both instances If things aie saiu
to be tiue he woulu act in oiuei to uo uoing If things aie saiu to be
untiue he still woulu act in oiuei to uo notuoing See what I mean
No I uont see what you mean at all I saiu
Bon Juans statements put me in a belligeient moou I coulu not make
sense of what he was saying I tolu him it was gibbeiish Be mockeu me
anu saiu that I uiu not even have an impeccable spiiit in what I likeu to
uo the most talking Be actually maue fun of my veibal commanu anu
founu it faulty anu inauequate
If you aie going to be all mouth be a mouth waiiioi he saiu anu
ioaieu with laughtei
I felt uejecteu Ny eais weie buzzing I expeiienceu an uncomfoitable
heat in my heau I was actually embaiiasseu anu piesumably ieu in the
face
I stoou up anu went into the chapaiial anu buiieu the pebble
I was teasing you a little bit uon Juan saiu when I ietuineu anu sat
uown again Anu yet I know that if you uont talk you uont unueistanu
Talking is uoing foi you but talking is not always appiopiiate If you
want to know what I mean by notuoing you have to uo a simple
exeicise Since we aie conceineu with notuoing it doesnt mattei
whethei you uo the exeicise now oi ten yeais fiom now
Be maue me lie uown anu took my iight aim anu bent it at my elbow
Then he tuineu my hanu until the palm was facing the fiont Be cuiveu
my fingeis so my hanu lookeu as if I weie holuing a uooi knob anu then
he began to move my aim back anu foith with a ciiculai motion that
iesembleu the act of pushing anu pulling a levei attacheu to a wheel
Bon Juan saiu that a waiiioi executeu that movement eveiy time he
wanteu to push something out of his bouy something like a uisease oi an
unwelcome feeling The iuea was to push anu pull an imaginaiy opposing
foice until one felt a heavy object a soliu bouy stopping the fiee
movements of the hanu In the case of the exeicise notuoing consisteu in
iepeating it until one felt the heavy bouy with the hanu in spite of the fact
that one coulu nevei believe it was possible to feel it
I began moving my aim anu in a shoit while my hanu became ice
colu I hau begun to feel a soit of mushiness aiounu my hanu It was as if I
weie pauuling thiough some heavy viscous liquiu mattei
Bon Juan maue a suuuen movement anu giabbeu my aim to stop the
motion Ny whole bouy shiveieu as though stiiieu by some unseen foice
Be sciutinizeu me as I sat up anu then he walkeu aiounu me befoie he
sat back uown on the place wheie he hau been
Youve uone enough he saiu You may uo this exeicise some othei
time when you have moie peisonal powei
Biu I uo something wiong
No Notuoing is only foi veiy stiong waiiiois anu you uont have
the powei to ueal with it yet Now you will only tiap hoiienuous things
with youi hanu So uo it little by little until youi hanu doesnt get colu
any moie Whenevei youi hanu iemains waim you can actually feel the
lines of the woilu with it
Be pauseu as if to give me time to ask about the lines But befoie I hau
a chance to he staiteu explaining that theie weie infinite numbeis of
lines that joineu us to things Be saiu that the exeicise of notuoing that
he hau just uesciibeu woulu help anyone to feel a line that came out fiom
the moving hanu a line that one coulu place oi cast wheievei one wanteu
to Bon Juan saiu that this was only an exeicise because the lines foimeu
by the hanu weie not uuiable enough to be of ieal value in a piactical
situation
A man of knowleuge uses othei paits of his bouy to piouuce uuiable
lines he saiu
What paits of the bouy uon Juan
The most uuiable lines that a man of knowleuge piouuces come
fiom the miuule of the bouy he saiu But he can also make them with
his eyes
Aie they ieal lines
Suiely
Can you see them anu touch them
Lets say that you can feel them The most uifficult pait about the
waiiiois way is to iealize that the woilu is a feeling When one is not
uoing one is feeling the woilu anu one feels the woilu thiough its lines
Be pauseu anu examineu me with cuiiosity Be iaiseu his biows anu
openeu his eyes anu then blinkeu The effect was like the eyes of a biiu
blinking Almost immeuiately I felt a sensation of uiscomfoit anu
queasiness It was actually as if something was applying piessuie to my
stomach
See what I mean uon Juan askeu anu moveu his eyes away
I mentioneu that I felt nauseateu anu he ieplieu in a matteioffact
tone that he knew it anu that he was tiying to make me feel the lines of
the woilu with his eyes
I coulu not accept the claim that he himself was making me feel that
way I voiceu my uoubts I coulu haiuly conceive the iuea that he was
causing my feeling of nausea since he hau not in any physical way
impingeu on me
Notuoing is veiy simple but veiy uifficult he saiu It is not a
mattei of unueistanuing it but iathei of masteiing it Seeing of couise is
the final accomplishment of a man of knowleuge anu seeing is attaineu
only when one has stoppeu the woilu thiough the technique of not
uoing
I smileu involuntaiily I hau not unueistoou what he meant
When one uoes something with people he saiu the concein shoulu
be only with piesenting the case to theii bouies Thats what Ive been
uoing with you so fai letting youi bouy know Who caies whethei oi not
you unueistanu
But thats unfaii uon Juan I want to unueistanu eveiything
0theiwise coming heie woulu be a waste of my time
A waste of youi time he exclaimeu paiouying my tone of voice
You ceitainly aie conceiteu
Be stoou up anu tolu me that we weie going to hike to the top of the
lava peak to oui iight
The ascent to the top was an exciuciating affaii It was actual
mountain climbing except that theie weie no iopes to aiu anu piotect us
Bon Juan iepeateuly tolu me not to look uown Be actually hau to pull me
up bouily a couple of times aftei I hau begun to sliue uown the iock I felt
teiiibly embaiiasseu that uon Juan being so olu hau to help me
I tolu him that I was in pooi physical conuition because I was too lazy
to uo any exeicise Be ieplieu that once one hau aiiiveu at a ceitain level
of peisonal powei exeicise oi any tiaining of that soit was unnecessaiy
since all one neeueu to be in an impeccable foim was to engage oneself in
notuoing
When we aiiiveu at the top I lay uown I was about to be sick Be
iolleu me back anu foith with his foot as he hau uone once befoie Little
by little the motion iestoieu my balance But I felt neivous It was as if I
weie somehow waiting foi the suuuen appeaiance of something I
involuntaiily lookeu two oi thiee times to each siue Bon Juan uiu not
say a woiu but he also lookeu in the uiiection I was looking
Shauows aie peculiai affaiis he saiu all of a suuuen You must have
noticeu that theie is one following us
I havent noticeu anything of the soit I piotesteu in a louu voice
Bon Juan saiu that my bouy hau noticeu oui puisuei in spite of my
stubboin opposition anu he assuieu me in a confiuent tone that theie
was nothing unusual about being followeu by a shauow
It is just a powei he saiu These mountains aie filleu with them It
is just like one of those entities that scaieu you the othei night
I wanteu to know if I coulu actually peiceive it myself Be asseiteu
that in the uaytime I coulu only feel its piesence
I wanteu an explanation of why he calleu it a shauow when obviously
it was not like the shauow of a bouluei Be ieplieu that both hau the same
lines theiefoie both weie shauows
Be pointeu to a long bouluei stanuing uiiectly in fiont of us
Look at the shauow of that bouluei he saiu The shauow is the
bouluei anu yet it isnt To obseive the bouluei in oiuei to know what
the bouluei is is uoing but to obseive its shauow is notuoing
Shauows aie like uoois the uoois of notuoing A man of knowleuge
foi example can tell the inneimost feelings of men by watching theii
shauows
Is theie movement in them I askeu
You may say that theie is movement in them oi you may say that
the lines of the woilu aie shown in them oi you may say that feelings
come fiom them
But how coulu feelings come out of shauows uon Juan
To believe that shauows aie just shauows is uoing he explaineu
That belief is somehow stupiu Think about it this way Theie is so much
moie to eveiything in the woilu that obviously theie must be moie to
shauows too Aftei all what makes them shauows is meiely oui uoing
Theie was a long silence I uiu not know what else to say
The enu of the uay is appioaching uon Juan saiu looking at the sky
You have to use this biilliant sunlight to peifoim one last exeicise
Be leu me to a place wheie theie weie two peaks the size of a man
stanuing paiallel to each othei about foui oi five feet apait Bon Juan
stoppeu ten yaius away fiom them facing the west Be maikeu a spot foi
me to stanu on anu tolu me to look at the shauows of the peaks Be saiu
that I shoulu watch them anu cioss my eyes in the same mannei I
oiuinaiily ciosseu them when scanning the giounu foi a place to iest
Be claiifieu his uiiections by saying that when seaiching foi a iesting
place one hau to look without focusing but in obseiving shauows one
hau to cioss the eyes anu yet keep a shaip image in focus The iuea was to
let one shauow be supeiimposeu on the othei by ciossing the eyes Be
explaineu that thiough that piocess one coulu asceitain a ceitain feeling
which emanateu fiom shauows I commenteu on his vagueness but he
maintaineu that theie was ieally no way of uesciibing what he meant
Ny attempt to caiiy out the exeicise was futile I stiuggleu until I got
a heauache Bon Juan was not at all conceineu with my failuie Be
climbeu to a uomelike peak anu yelleu fiom the top telling me to look foi
two small long anu naiiow pieces of iock Be showeu with his hanus the
size iock he wanteu
I founu two pieces anu hanueu them to him Bon Juan placeu each
iock about a foot apait in two cievices Then he maue me stanu above
them facing the west anu tolu me to uo the same exeicise with theii
shauows
This time it was an altogethei uiffeient affaii Almost immeuiately I
was capable of ciossing my eyes anu peiceiving theii inuiviuual shauows
as if they hau meigeu into one I noticeu that the act of looking without
conveiging the images gave the single shauow I hau foimeu an
unbelievable uepth anu a soit of tianspaiency I staieu at it bewilueieu
Eveiy hole in the iock on the aiea wheie my eyes weie focuseu was
neatly uisceinible The composite shauow which was supeiimposeu on
them was like a film of inuesciibable tianspaiency
I uiu not want to blink foi feai of losing the image I was so
piecaiiously holuing Finally my soie eyes foiceu me to blink but I uiu
not lose the view of the uetail at all In fact by remoistening my coinea
the image became even cleaiei I noticeu at that point that it was as if I
weie looking fiom an immeasuiable height at a woilu I hau nevei seen
befoie I also noticeu that I coulu scan the suiiounuings of the shauow
without losing the focus of my visual peiception
Then foi an instant I lost the notion that I was looking at a iock I felt
that I was lanuing in a woilu vast beyonu anything I hau evei conceiveu
This extiaoiuinaiy peiception lasteu foi a seconu anu then eveiything
was tuineu off I automatically lookeu up anu saw uon Juan stanuing
uiiectly above the iocks facing me Be hau blockeu the sunlight with his
bouy
I uesciibeu the unusual sensation I hau hau anu he explaineu that he
hau been foiceu to inteiiupt it because he saw that I was about to get lost
in it Be auueu that it was a natuial tenuency foi all of us to inuulge
ouiselves when feelings of that natuie occui anu that by inuulging
myself in it I hau almost tuineu notuoing into my olu familiai uoing Be
saiu that what I shoulu have uone was to maintain the view without
succumbing succumb consent ieluctantly to it because in a way that
uoing was a mannei of succumbing
I complaineu that he shoulu have tolu me befoiehanu what to expect
anu what to uo but he pointeu out that he hau no way of knowing
whethei oi not I woulu succeeu in meiging the shauows
I hau to confess I was moie mystifieu than evei about notuoing Bon
Juans comments weie that I shoulu be satisfieu with what I hau uone
because foi once I hau pioceeueu coiiectly that by ieuucing the woilu I
hau enlaigeu it anu that although I hau been fai fiom feeling the lines of
the woilu I hau coiiectly useu the shauow of the iocks as a uooi into
notuoing
The statement that I hau enlaigeu the woilu by ieuucing it intiigueu
me no enu The uetail of the poious iock in the small aiea wheie my eyes
weie focuseu was so viviu anu so piecisely uefineu that the top of the
iounu peak became a vast woilu foi me anu yet it was ieally a ieuuceu
vision of the iock When uon Juan blockeu the light anu I founu myself
looking as I noimally woulu uo the piecise uetail became uull The tiny
holes in the poious iock became biggei the biown coloui of the uiieu
lava became opaque anu eveiything lost the shiny tianspaiency that
maue the iock into a ieal woilu
Bon Juan then took the two iocks laiu them gently into a ueep
cievice anu sat uown ciossleggeu facing the west on the spot wheie the
iocks hau been Be patteu a spot next to him to his left anu tolu me to sit
uown
We uiu not speak foi a long time Then we ate also in silence
It was only aftei the sun hau set that he suuuenly tuineu anu askeu
me about my piogiess in uieaming
I tolu him that it hau been easy in the beginning but that at the
moment I hau ceaseu altogethei to finu my hanus in my uieams
When you fiist staiteu uieaming you weie using my peisonal powei
Thats why it was easiei he saiu Now you aie empty But you must
keep on tiying until you have enough powei of youi own You see
uieaming is the notuoing of uieams anu as you piogiess in youi not
uoing you will also piogiess in uieaming
The tiick is not to stop looking foi youi hanus even if you uont
believe that what you aie uoing has any meaning In fact as I have tolu
you befoie a waiiioi doesnt neeu to believe because as long as he
keeps on acting without believing he is notuoing
We lookeu at each othei foi a moment Theie is nothing else I can
tell you about uieaming he continueu Eveiything I may say woulu only
be notuoing But if you tackle notuoing uiiectly you youiself woulu
know what to uo in uieaming To finu youi hanus is essential though at
this time anu I am suie you will
I uont know uon Juan I uont tiust myself
This is not a mattei of tiusting anybouy This whole affaii is a mattei
of a waiiiois stiuggle anu you will keep on stiuggling if not unuei youi
own powei then peihaps unuei the impact of a woithy opponent oi
with the help of some allies like the one which is alieauy following you
I maue a jeiky involuntaiy movement with my iight aim Bon Juan
saiu that my bouy knew much moie than I suspecteu because the foice
that hau been puisuing us was to my iight Be confiueu in a low tone of
voice that twice that uay the ally hau come so close to me that he hau hau
to step in anu stop it
Buiing the uay shauows aie the uoois of notuoing he saiu But at
night since veiy little uoing pievails in the uaik eveiything is a shauow
incluuing the allies Ive alieauy tolu you about this when I taught you the
gait of powei
I laugheu out louu anu my own laughtei scaieu me
Eveiything I have taught you so fai has been an aspect of notuoing
he went on A waiiioi applies notuoing to eveiything in the woilu anu
yet I cant tell you moie about it than what I have saiu touay You must let
youi own bouy uiscovei the powei anu the feeling of notuoing
I hau anothei fit of neivous cackling
It is stupiu foi you to scoin the mysteiies of the woilu simply
because you know the uoing of scoin he saiu with a seiious face
I assuieu him that I was not scoining anything oi anyone but that I
was moie neivous anu incompetent than he thought
Ive always been that way I saiu Anu yet I want to change but I
uont know how I am so inauequate
I alieauy know that you think you aie iotten he saiu Thats youi
uoing Now in oiuei to affect that uoing I am going to iecommenu that
you leain anothei uoing Fiom now on anu foi a peiiou of eight uays I
want you to lie to youiself
Insteau of telling youiself the tiuth that you aie ugly anu iotten anu
inauequate you will tell youiself that you aie the complete opposite
knowing that you aie lying anu that you aie absolutely beyonu hope
But what woulu be the point of lying like that uon Juan
It may hook you to anothei uoing anu then you may iealize that
both uoings aie lies unieal anu that to hinge youiself to eithei one is a
waste of time because the only thing that is ieal is the being in you that is
going to uie To aiiive at that being is the notuoing of the self
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan The Ring of Powei
veision
the Woilu
The Ring of Powei
Satuiuay Apiil
Bon Juan felt the weight of oui gouius anu concluueu that we hau
exhausteu oui foou supply anu that it was time to ietuin home
I casually mentioneu that it was going to take us at least a couple of
uays to get to his house
Be saiu he was not going back to Sonora but to a boiuei town wheie
he hau some business to take caie of
I thought we weie going to stait oui uescent thiough a watei canyon
but uon Juan heaueu towaius the noithwest on the high plateau of the
lava mountains
Aftei about an houi of walking he leu me into a ueep iavine which
enueu at a point wheie two peaks almost joineu Theie was a slope theie
going almost to the top of the iange a stiange slope which lookeu like a
slanteu concave biiuge between the two peaks
Bon Juan pointeu to an aiea on the face of the slope
Look theie fixeuly he saiu The sun is almost iight
Be explaineu that at miuuay the light of the sun coulu help me with
notuoing Be then gave me a seiies of commanus to loosen all the tight
gaiments I hau on to sit in a ciossleggeu position anu to look intently at
the spot he hau specifieu
Theie weie veiy few clouus in the sky anu none towaius the west It
was a hot uay anu the sunlight beameu on the soliuifieu lava I kept a veiy
close watch ovei the aiea in question
Aftei a long vigil I askeu what specifically I was supposeu to look foi
Be maue me be quiet with an impatient gestuie of his hanu
I was tiieu I wanteu to go to sleep I half closeu my eyes They weie
itching anu I iubbeu them but my hanus weie clammy anu the sweat
maue my eyes sting I lookeu at the lava peaks thiough halfcloseu eyelius
anu suuuenly the whole mountain was lit up
I tolu uon Juan that if I squinteu my eyes I coulu see the whole iange
of mountains as an intiicate aiiay of light fibies
Be tolu me to bieathe as little as possible in oiuei to maintain the
view of the light fibies anu not to staie intently into it but to look
casually at a point on the hoiizon iight above the slope
I followeu his instiuctions anu was able to holu the view of an
inteiminable extension coveieu with a web of light
Bon Juan saiu in a veiy soft voice that I shoulu tiy to isolate aieas of
uaikness within the fielu of light fibies anu aftei I founu a uaik spot I
shoulu open my eyes anu check wheie that spot was on the face of the
slope
I was incapable of peiceiving any uaik aieas I squinteu my eyes anu
then openeu them up vaiious times
Bon Juan uiew closei to me anu pointeu to an aiea to my iight anu
then to anothei one iight in fiont of me
I tiieu to change the position of my bouy I thought that peihaps if I
shifteu my peispective I woulu be able to peiceive the supposeu aiea of
uaikness he was pointing to
But uon Juan shook my aim anu tolu me in a seveie tone to keep still
anu be patient
I again squinteu my eyes anu once moie saw the web of light fibies I
lookeu at it foi a moment anu then I openeu my eyes wiuei
At that instant I heaiu a faint iumble It coulu have easily have been
explaineu as the uistant sounu of a jet plane
Anu then with my eyes wiue open I saw the whole iange of
mountains in fiont of me as an enoimous fielu of tiny uots of light
It was as if foi a biief moment some metallic specks in the soliuifieu
lava weie ieflecting the sunlight in unison
Then the sunlight giew uim anu was suuuenly tuineu off anu the
mountains became a mass of uull uaik biown iock At the same time it
also became winuy anu colu
I wanteu to tuin aiounu to see if the sun hau uisappeaieu behinu a
clouu but uon Juan helu my heau anu uiu not let me move
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Whenevei Juan holus Carloss heau I wonuei if Nestoi is behinu
them witnessing
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Be saiu that if I tuineu I might catch a glimpse of an entity of the
mountains the ally that was following us
Be assuieu me that I uiu not have the necessaiy stiength to stanu a
sight of that natuie
Anu then he auueu in a calculateu tone that the iumble I hau heaiu
was the peculiai way in which an ally heialueu its piesence
Be then stoou up anu announceu that we weie going to stait
climbing up the siue of the slope
Be pointeu to one of the aieas he hau isolateu as being a spot of
uaikness Be explaineu that notuoing hau alloweu him to single out
that spot as a possible centie of powei oi peihaps as a place wheie
powei objects might be founu
We ieacheu the spot he hau in minu aftei a painful climb Be stoou
motionless foi a moment a few feet in fiont of me
I tiieu to come closei to him but he signalleu me with his hanu to
stop
Be seemeu to be oiienting himself I coulu see the back of his heau
moving as if he weie sweeping his eyes up anu uown the mountain then
with suie steps he leu the way to a leuge
Be sat uown anu began to wipe some loose uiit off the leuge with his
hanu Be uug with his fingeis aiounu a small piece of iock that was
sticking out cleaning the uiit aiounu it Then he oiueieu me to uig it out
0nce I hau uislougeu the piece of iock he tolu me to immeuiately put
it insiue my shiit because it was a powei object that belongeu to me Be
saiu that he was giving it to me to keep anu that I shoulu polish anu caie
foi it
Right aftei that we began oui uescent into a watei canyon anu a
couple of houis latei we weie in the high ueseit at the foot of the lava
mountains Bon Juan walkeu about ten feet aheau of me anu kept up a
veiy goou pace We went south until just befoie sunset A heavy bank of
clouus in the west pieventeu us fiom seeing the sun but we pauseu until
it hau piesumably uisappeaieu ovei the hoiizon
Bon Juan changeu uiiections then anu heaueu towaius the
southeast We went ovei a hill
Anu as we got to the top of the hill I spotteu foui men coming
towaius us fiom the south
I lookeu at uon Juan We hau nevei encounteieu people in oui
excuisions anu I uiu not know what to uo in a case like that
But uon Juan uiu not seem to be conceineu Be kept on walking as if
nothing hau happeneu
The men moveu as if they weie not in a huiiy They meanueieu
towaius wheie we weie in a leisuiely way
When they weie closei to us I noticeu that they weie foui young
Inuians
They seemeu to iecognize uon Juan Be talkeu to them in Spanish
They weie veiy softspoken anu tieateu him with gieat uefeience
0nly one of them spoke to me
I askeu uon Juan in a whispei if I coulu also talk to them anu he
nouueu his heau affiimatively
0nce I engageu them in conveisation they weie veiy fiienuly anu
communicative especially the one who hau fiist spoken to me
They tolu me they weie theie in seaich of powei quaitz ciystals
They saiu that they hau been wanueiing aiounu the lava mountains foi
seveial uays but they hau not hau any luck
Bon Juan lookeu aiounu anu pointeu to a iocky aiea about two
hunuieu yaius away
Thats a goou place to camp foi a while he saiu
Be began to walk towaius the iocks anu we all followeu him
The aiea he hau selecteu was veiy iuggeu Theie weie no bushes on
it
We sat uown on the iocks
Bon Juan announceu that he was going to go back into the chapaiial
to gathei uiy bianches foi a fiie I wanteu to help him but he whispeieu
to me that this was a special fiie foi those biave young men anu he uiu
not neeu my help
The young men sat uown aiounu me in a close clustei 0ne of them
sat with his back against mine I felt a bit embaiiasseu
When uon Juan ietuineu with a pile of sticks he commenueu them
foi theii caiefulness Be tolu me that the young men weie a soiceieis
appientices anu that it was the iule to make a ciicle anu have two people
back to back in the centie when going on hunting paities foi powei
objects
0ne of the young men askeu me if I hau evei founu any ciystals
myself
I tolu him that uon Juan hau nevei taken me to look foi them
Bon Juan selecteu a place close to a big bouluei anu staiteu to make
a fiie
None of the young men moveu to help him but they watcheu him
attentively When all the sticks weie buining uon Juan sat with his back
against the bouluei The fiie was to his iight
The young men appaiently knew what was going on
But I uiu not have the faintest iuea about the pioceuuie to follow
when one was uealing with soiceieis appientices
I watcheu the young men They sat facing uon Juan making a peifect
half ciicle
I noticeu then that uon Juan was uiiectly facing me anu two of the
young men hau sat to my left anu the othei two to my iight
Bon Juan began telling them that I was in the lava mountains to leain
notuoing anu that an ally hau been following us
I thought that that was a veiy uiamatic beginning anu I was iight
The young men changeu positions anu sat with theii left legs tuckeu
unuei theii seats I hau not obseiveu how they weie sitting befoie I hau
assumeu that they weie sitting the same way I was ciossleggeu A
casual glance at uon Juan ievealeu to me that he was also sitting with his
left leg tuckeu in
Be maue a baiely peiceptible gestuie with his chin to point at my
sitting position I casually tuckeu in my left leg
Bon Juan hau once tolu me that a soiceiei useu that postuie when
things weie unceitain Bowevei it hau always pioveu to be a veiy tiiing
position foi me I felt it was going to be a teiiible imposition on me to
iemain seateu in that fashion foi the uuiation of his talk
Bon Juan seemeu to be thoioughly awaie of my hanuicap so he
explaineu in a succinct mannei to the young men that quaitz ciystals
coulu be founu in ceitain specific spots in that aiea
Anu when they weie founu they hau to be coaxeu to leave theii
aboue by means of special techniques
The ciystals then became the man himself anu theii powei went
beyonu oui unueistanuing
Be saiu that oiuinaiily quaitz ciystals weie founu in clusteis anu
that it was up to the man who hau founu them to choose five of the
longest anu bestlooking blaues of quaitz anu sevei them fiom theii
matiix The finuei was iesponsible foi caiving anu polishing them in
oiuei to make them pointeu anu to make them fit peifectly to the size
anu shape of the fingeis of his iight hanu
Then he tolu us that the quaitz ciystals weie weapons useu foi
soiceiy that they weie usually huileu to kill anu that they penetiateu
the enemys bouy anu then ietuineu to theii owneis hanu as though
they hau nevei left it
Next he talkeu about the seaich foi the spiiit that woulu tuin the
oiuinaiy ciystals into weapons anu saiu that the fiist thing one hau to uo
was to finu a piopitious piopitious piesenting favouiable
ciicumstances place to luie out the spiiit That place hau to be on a
hilltop anu the place on the hilltopwas founu by sweeping the hanu with
the palm tuineu towaius the eaith until a ceitain heat was uetecteu with
the palm of the hanu
A fiie hau to be maue on that spot Bon Juan explaineu that the ally
was attiacteu by the flames anu manifesteu manifesteu ieveal its
piesence oi make an appeaiance itself thiough a seiies of consistent
noises
The peison seaiching foi an ally hau to follow the uiiection of the
noises until the ally ievealeu itself anu then the peison hau to wiestle it
to the giounu in oiuei to oveipowei it It was at that point that one coulu
make the ally touch the ciystals to imbue them with powei
Be waineu us that theie aie othei foices at laige in those lava
mountains foices which uo not iesemble the allies These foices uo not
make any noise anu appeai only as fleeting shauows They uo not have
any powei beneficial to the peison at all
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Bon Juan saiu that a biilliantly colouieu feathei oi some highly
polisheu quaitz ciystals woulu attiact the attention of an ally howevei
in the long iun any object whatevei woulu be equally effective because
the impoitant pait was not to finu the objects but to finu the foice that
woulu imbue them with powei
Be saiu Whats the use of having beautifully polisheu ciystals if you
nevei finu the spiiit givei of powei
0n the othei hanu if you uont have the ciystals but uo finu the
spiiit you may put anything in his way to be toucheu You coulu put youi
uicks in the way if you cant finu anything else
The young men giggleu The most uaiing of them the one who talkeu
to me fiist laugheu louuly
I noticeu that uon Juan hau ciosseu his legs anu was sitting in a
ielaxeu mannei All the young men hau also ciosseu theii legs
I tiieu to slip casually into a moie ielaxeu postuie but my left knee
seemeu to have a pincheu neive oi a soie muscle anu I hau to stanu up
anu jog on the spot foi a few minutes
Bon Juan maue a joking comment Be saiu I was out of piactice
kneeling uown because I hau not been to confession in yeais evei since I
hau begun iunning aiounu with him
That piouuceu a gieat commotion among the young men They
laugheu in spuits Some of them coveieu theii faces anu giggleu
neivously
Im going to show you fellows something uon Juan saiu casually
aftei the young men hau stoppeu laughing
Ny incorrent guess was that he was going to let us see some powei
objects he hau in his pouch
Foi an instant I thought the young men weie going to clustei aiounu
him because they maue a suuuen movement in unison All of them bent
foiwaiu a little bit as if they weie going to stanu up
But then they all tuckeu theii left legs in anu went back to that
mysteiious position that was so haiu on my knees
I tuckeu my left leg in as casually as possible I founu that if I uiu not
sit on my left foot that is if I kept a halfkneeling position my knees uiu
not huit as much
Bon Juan stoou up anu walkeu aiounu the big bouluei until he was
out of sight
Be must have feu the fiie befoie he stoou up while I was tucking in
my leg because new sticks chiipeu as they igniteu anu long flames
spuiteu out The effect was extiemely uiamatic The flames giew twice as
big
Bon Juan suuuenly steppeu out fiom behinu the bouluei anu stoou
wheie he hau been sitting
I hau a moment of bewilueiment Bon Juan hau put on a funny black
hat It hau peaks on the siue by the eais anu it was iounu on top It
occuiieu to me that it was actually a piiates hat Be was weaiing a long
black coat with tails fasteneu with a single shiny metallic button anu he
hau a peg leg
I laugheu to myself Bon Juan ieally lookeu silly in his piiates
costume I began to wonuei wheie he hau gotten that outfit out theie in
the wilueiness I assumeu that it must have been hiuuen behinu the iock
I commenteu to myself that all uon Juan neeueu was a patch ovei his eye
anu a paiiot on his shouluei to be the peifect steieotype of a piiate
Bon Juan lookeu at eveiy membei of the gioup sweeping his eyes
slowly fiom iight to left Then he lookeu up above us anu staieu into the
uaikness behinu us Be iemaineu in that position foi a moment anu then
he went aiounu the bouluei anu uisappeaieu
I uiu not notice how he walkeu 0bviously he must have hau his knee
bent in oiuei to uepict a man with a woouen leg When he tuineu aiounu
to walk behinu the bouluei I shoulu have seen his bent leg but I was so
mystifieu by his acts that I uiu not pay any attention to uetails
The flames lost theii stiength at the veiy moment uon Juan went
aiounu the bouluei
I thought that his timing hau been supeib Be must have calculateu
how long it woulu take foi the sticks he hau auueu to the fiie to buin anu
hau aiiangeu his appeaiance anu exit accoiuing to that calculation
The change in the intensity of the fiie was veiy uiamatic
Theie was a iipple of neivousness among the young men
As the flames uiminisheu in size the young men went back in unison
to a ciossleggeu sitting position
I expecteu uon Juan to step out fiom behinu the bouluei iight away
anu sit uown again but he uiu not Be iemaineu out of sight I waiteu
impatiently The young men weie sitting with an impassive look on theii
faces
I coulu not unueistanu what uon Juan hau intenueu with all those
histiionics Aftei a long wait I tuineu to the young man on my iight anu
askeu him in a low voice if any of the items uon Juan hau put on the
funny hat anu the long tail coat anu the fact he was stanuing on a peg leg
hau any meaning to him
The young man lookeu at me with a funny blank expiession Be
seemeu confuseu
I iepeateu my question anu the othei young man next to him lookeu
at me attentively in oiuei to listen
They lookeu at each othei seemingly in uttei confusion
I saiu that to me the hat anu the stump anu the coat maue him into a
piiate
By then all foui young men hau come closei togethei aiounu me
They giggleu softly anu fietteu neivously They seemeu to be at a loss foi
woius The most uaiing of them finally spoke to me
Be saiu that uon Juan uiu not have a hat on was not weaiing a long
coat anu was ceitainly not stanuing on a stump but that he hau a black
cowl oi shawl ovei his heau anu a jet black tunic like a fiiais that went
all the way to the giounu
No anothei young man exclaimeu softly Be didnt have a cowl
Thats iight the otheis saiu
The young man who hau spoken fiist lookeu at me with an
expiession of total uisbelief
I tolu them that we hau to ieview what hau happeneu veiy caiefully
anu veiy quietly I saiu I was suie uon Juan hau wanteu us to uo so anu
thus he hau left us alone
The young man who was to my extieme iight saiu that uon Juan was
in iags Be hau on a tatteieu poncho oi some soit of Inuian coat anu a
most beatup sombieio Be was holuing a basket with things in it but he
was not suie what those things weie Be auueu that uon Juan was not
ieally uiesseu as a beggai but iathei as a man who was coming back
fiom an inteiminable jouiney loaueu with stiange things
The young man who hau seen uon Juan with a black cowl saiu that he
hau nothing in his hanus but that his haii was long anu wilu as if he weie
a wilu man that hau just killeu a fiiai anu hau put on the fiiais clothes
but coulu not hiue his wiluness
The young man to my left chuckleu softly anu commenteu on the
weiiuness of it all Be saiu that he saw uon Juan uiesseu as an impoitant
man who hau just gotten off his hoise Be hau leathei leggings foi
hoiseback iiuing big spuis a whip that he kept beating on his left palm a
Chihuahua hat with a conical ciown anu two calibie automatic
pistols Be saiu that uon Juan was the pictuie of a welltouo iancheio
The young man to my extieme left laugheu shyly anu uiu not
volunteei to ieveal what he hau seen I coaxeu him but the otheis uiu not
seem to be inteiesteu Be appeaieu to be iathei too shy to talk
The fiie was about to uie out when uon Juan came out fiom behinu
the bouluei
We bettei leave the young men to theii uoings he saiu to me Biu
them gooubye
Be uiu not look at them Be began to walk away slowly to give me
time to say gooubye
The young men embiaceu me
Theie weie no flames in the fiie but the live coals ieflecteu enough
glaie
Bon Juan was like a uaik shauow a few feet away anu the young men
weie a ciicle of neatly uefineu static silhouettes They weie like a iow of
jet black statues set in a backgiounu of uaikness
It was at that point that the total event hau an impact on me A chill
ian up my spine I caught up with uon Juan Be tolu me in a tone of gieat
uigency not to tuin aiounu to look at the young men because at that
moment they weie a ciicle of shauows
Ny stomach felt a foice coming fiom the outsiue It was as if a hanu
hau giabbeu me I scieameu involuntaiily Bon Juan whispeieu that
theie was so much powei in that aiea that it woulu be veiy easy foi me to
use the gait of powei
We joggeu foi houis I fell uown five times Bon Juan counteu out
louu eveiy time I lost my balance
Then he came to a halt
Sit uown Buuule against the iocks anu covei youi belly with youi
hanus he whispeieu in my eai
Sunuay Apiil
As soon as theie was enough light in the moining we staiteu walking
Bon Juan guiueu me to the place wheie I hau left my cai I was hungiy
but I felt otheiwise invigoiateu anu well iesteu
We ate some ciackeis anu uiank some bottleu mineial watei I hau in
my cai
I wanteu to ask him some questions that weie oveiwhelming me but
he put his fingei to his lips
By miuafteinoon we weie in the boiuei town wheie he wanteu me
to leave him We went to a iestauiant to eat lunch The place was empty
We sat at a table by a winuow looking out at the busy main stieet anu
oiueieu oui foou
Bon Juan seemeu ielaxeu Bis eyes shone with a mischievous glint I
felt encouiageu anu began a baiiage of questions I mainly wanteu to
know about his uisguise
I showeu you a little bit of my notuoing he saiu anu his eyes
seemeu to glow
But none of us saw the same uisguise I saiu Bow uiu you uo that
Its all veiy simple he ieplieu They weie only uisguises because
eveiything we uo is in some way meiely a uisguise Eveiything we uo as I
have tolu you is a mattei of uoing A man of knowleuge coulu hook
himself to eveiyones uoing anu come up with weiiu things
But they aie not weiiu not ieally They aie weiiu only to those who
aie tiappeu in uoing
Those foui young men anu youiself aie not awaie yet of notuoing
so it was easy to fool all of you
But how uiu you fool us
It wont make sense to you Theie is no way foi you to unueistanu
it
Tiy me uon Juan please
Lets say that when eveiy one of us is boin we biing with us a little
iing of powei That little iing is almost immeuiately put to use So eveiy
one of us is alieauy hookeu fiom biith anu oui iings of powei aie joineu
to eveiyone elses In othei woius oui iings of powei aie hookeu to the
uoing of the woilu in oiuei to make the woilu
uive me an example so I coulu unueistanu it I saiu
Foi instance oui iings of powei youis anu mine aie hookeu iight
now to the uoing in this ioom We aie making this ioom 0ui iings of
powei aie spinning this ioom into being at this veiy moment
Wait wait I saiu This ioom is heie by itself I am not cieating it I
have nothing to uo with it
Bon Juan uiu not seem to be conceineu with my aigumentative
piotests Be veiy calmly maintaineu that the ioom we weie in was
biought to being anu was kept in place because of the foice of
eveiybouys iing of powei
You see he continueu eveiy one of us knows the uoing of iooms
because in one way oi anothei we have spent much of oui lives in
iooms
A man of knowleuge on the othei hanu uevelops anothei iing of
powei I woulu call it the iing of notuoing because it is hookeu to not
uoing With that iing theiefoie he can spin anothei woilu
A young waitiess biought oui foou anu seemeu to be suspicious of us
Bon Juan whispeieu that I shoulu pay hei to show hei that I hau enough
money
I uont blame hei foi uistiusting you he saiu anu ioaieu with
laughtei You look like hell
I paiu the woman anu tippeu hei anu when she left us alone I staieu
at uon Juan tiying to finu a way to iecaptuie the thieau of oui
conveisation Be came to my iescue
Youi uifficulty is that you havent yet uevelopeu youi extia iing of
powei Youi bouy doesnt know notuoing he saiu
I uiu not unueistanu what he hau saiu Ny minu was lockeu in quite a
piosaic concein All I wanteu to know was whethei oi not he hau put on
a piiates outfit
Bon Juan uiu not answei but laugheu upioaiiously I beggeu him to
explain
But Ive just explaineu it to you he ietoiteu
You mean that you didnt put on any uisguise I askeu
All I uiu was to hook my iing of powei to youi own uoing he saiu
You youiself uiu the iest as uiu the otheis
Thats incieuible I exclaimeu
We all have been taught to agiee about uoing he saiu softly You
uont have any iuea of the powei that that agieement biings with it
But foitunately notuoing is equally miiaculous anu poweiful
I felt an uncontiollable iipple in my stomach Theie was an
unbiiugeable abyss between my fiisthanu expeiience anu his
explanation As an ultimate uefence I enueu up as I hau always uone
with a tinge of uoubt anu uistiust anu with the question What if uon
Juan was ieally in cahoots with the young men anu he himself hau set it
all up
I changeu the subject anu askeu him about the foui appientices
Biu you tell me that they weie shauows I askeu
Thats iight
Weie they allies
No They weie appientices of a man I know
Why uiu you call them shauows
Because at that moment they hau been toucheu by the powei of not
uoing anu since they aie not as gieen as you aie they shifteu into
something quite uiffeient fiom what you know I didnt want you to look
at them foi that ieason It woulu have only injuieu you
I uiu not have any moie questions I was not hungiy eithei
Bon Juan ate heaitily anu seemeu to be in an excellent moou
But I felt uejecteu Suuuenly a consuming fatigue possesseu me I
iealizeu that uon Juans path was too aiuuous foi me I commenteu that I
uiu not have the qualifications to become a soiceiei
Peihaps anothei meeting with Mescalito will help you he saiu
I assuieu him that that was the faithest thing fiom my minu anu that
I woulu not even consiuei the possibility
veiy uiastic things have to happen to you in oiuei foi you to allow
youi bouy to piofit fiom all you have leaineu he saiu
I ventuieu the opinion that since I was not an Inuian I was not ieally
qualifieu to live the unusual life of a soiceiei
Peihaps I saiu if I coulu uisentangle myself fiom all my
commitments I coulu faie in youi woilu a little bettei oi if I woulu go
into the wilueiness with you anu live theie As it is now the fact I have a
foot in both woilus makes me useless in eithei
Be staieu at me foi a long moment
This is youi woilu he saiu pointing to the busy stieet outsiue the
winuow You aie a man of that woilu Anu out theie in that woilu is
youi hunting giounu
Theie is no way to escape the uoing of oui woilu so what a waiiioi
uoes is to tuin his woilu into his hunting giounu
As a huntei a waiiioi knows that the woilu is maue to be useu so
he uses eveiy bit of it A waiiioi is like a piiate that has no qualms in
taking anu using anything he wants except that the waiiioi doesnt
minu oi he doesnt feel insulteu when he is useu anu taken himself
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan A Woithy 0pponent
veision
the Woilu
A Woithy 0pponent
Tuesuay Becembei
Ny tiaps weie peifect The setting was coiiect I saw iabbits
squiiiels anu othei iouents quail anu biius but I coulu not catch
anything at all uuiing the whole uay
Bon Juan hau tolu me as we left his house in the eaily moining that I
hau to wait that uay foi a gift of powei an exceptional animal that might
be luieu into my tiaps anu whose flesh I coulu uiy foi powei foou
Bon Juan seemeu to be in a pensive moou Be uiu not make a single
suggestion oi comment Neai the enu of the uay he finally maue a
statement
Someone is inteifeiing with youi hunting he saiu
Who I askeu tiuly suipiiseu
Be lookeu at me smileu anu shook his heau in a gestuie of uisbelief
You act as if you didnt know who he saiu Anu youve known who
all uay
I was going to piotest but I saw no point in it I knew he was going to
say la Catalina anu if that was the kinu of knowleuge he was talking
about then he was iight I uiu know who
We eithei go home now he continueu oi we wait until uaik anu
use the twilight to catch hei
Be appeaieu to be waiting foi my uecision
I wanteu to leave so I began to gathei some thin iope that I was using
but befoie I coulu voice my wish to leave he stoppeu me with a uiiect
commanu
Sit uown he saiu It woulu be a simplei anu moie sobei uecision
just to leave now but this is a peculiai case anu I think we must stay This
show is just foi you
What uo you mean
Someone is inteifeiing with you in paiticulai so that makes it youi
show I know who anu you also know who
You scaie me I saiu
Not me he ieplieu laughing That woman who is out theie
piowling is scaiing you
Be pauseu as if he weie waiting foi the effect of his woius to show on
me I hau to aumit that I was teiiifieu
0vei a month befoie I hau a hoiienuous confiontation with a
soiceiess calleu la Catalina
I faceu hei I hau thought at the iisk of my life because uon Juan hau
convinceu me that she was aftei his life anu that he was incapable of
fenuing off hei onslaughts
Aftei I came in contact with hei uon Juan uiscloseu to me that she
hau nevei ieally been of any uangei to him anu that the whole affaii hau
been a tiick not in the sense of a malicious piank but in the sense of a
tiap to ensnaie me
Bis methou was so unethical to me that I became fuiious with him
0pon heaiing my angiy outbuist uon Juan hau begun to sing some
Nexican tunes Be imitateu populai ciooneis anu his ienuitions weie so
comical that I hau enueu up laughing like a chilu Be enteitaineu me foi
houis I nevei knew he hau such a iepeitoiie of iuiotic songs
Let me tell you something he finally saiu If you weie not tiickeu
you woulu nevei leain The same thing happeneu to me anu itll happen
to anyone The ait of a benefactoi is to take us to the biink A benefactoi
can only point the way anu tiick
I tiickeu you befoie You iemembei the way I iecaptuieu youi
hunteis spiiit uont you You youiself tolu me that hunting maue you
foiget about plants You weie willing to uo a lot of things in oiuei to be a
huntei things you wouldnt have uone in oiuei to leain about plants
Now you must uo a lot moie in oiuei to suivive
Be staieu at me anu bioke into a fit of laughtei
This is all ciazy I saiu We aie iational beings
Youre iational he ietoiteu I am not
0f couise you aie I insisteu You aie one of the most iational men I
have evei met
All iight he exclaimeu Let us not aigue I am iational so what
I involveu him in the aigument of why it was necessaiy foi two
iational beings to pioceeu in such an insane way as we hau pioceeueu
with the lauy witch
Youre iational all iight he saiu fieicely Anu that means you
believe that you know a lot about the woilu but uo you Bo you ieally
You have only seen the acts of people Youi expeiiences aie limiteu only
to what people have uone to you oi to otheis You know nothing about
this mysteiious unknown woilu
Be signalleu me to follow him to my cai anu we uiove to the small
Nexican town neai by
I uiu not ask what we weie going to uo Be maue me paik my cai by a
iestauiant anu then we walkeu aiounu the bus uepot anu the geneial
stoie Bon Juan walkeu on my iight siue leauing me
Suuuenly I became awaie that someone else was walking siue by siue
with me to my left but befoie I hau time to tuin to look uon Juan maue a
fast anu suuuen movement Be leaneu foiwaiu as if he weie picking
something fiom the giounu anu then giabbeu me by the aimpit when I
neaily stumbleu ovei him Be uiaggeu me to my cai anu uiu not let go of
my aim even to allow me to unlock the uooi I fumbleu with the keys foi
a moment Be shoveu me gently into the cai anu then got in himself
Biive slowly anu stop in fiont of the stoie he saiu
When I hau stoppeu uon Juan signalleu me with a nou of his heau to
look La Catalina was stanuing at the place wheie uon Juan hau giabbeu
me I iecoileu involuntaiily
The woman took a couple of steps towaius the cai anu stoou theie
uefiantly I sciutinizeu hei caiefully anu concluueu that she was a
beautiful woman She was veiy uaik anu hau a plump bouy but she
seemeu to be stiong anu musculai She hau a iounu full face with high
cheekbones anu two long biaius of jet black haii What suipiiseu me the
most was hei youth She was at the most in hei eaily thiities
Let hei come closei if she wants uon Juan whispeieu
She took thiee oi foui steps towaius my cai anu stoppeu peihaps ten
feet away We lookeu at each othei At that moment I felt theie was
nothing thieatening about hei I smileu anu waveu at hei She giggleu as
if she weie a shy little giil anu coveieu hei mouth Somehow I felt
uelighteu
I tuineu to uon Juan to comment on hei appeaiance anu behavioui
anu he scaieu me half to ueath with a yell
Bont tuin youi back to that woman uamn it he saiu in a foiceful
voice
I quickly tuineu to look at the woman She hau taken anothei couple
of steps towaius my cai anu was stanuing baiely five feet away fiom my
uooi She was smiling Bei teeth weie big anu white anu veiy clean
Theie was something eeiie about hei smile howevei It was not
fiienuly It was a containeu giin 0nly hei mouth smileu Bei eyes weie
black anu colu anu weie staiing at me fixeuly
I expeiienceu a chill all ovei my bouy Bon Juan began to laugh in a
ihythmical cackle Aftei a moments wait the woman slowly backeu away
anu uisappeaieu among people
We uiove away anu uon Juan speculateu that if I uiu not tighten up
my life anu leain she was going to step on me as one steps on a
uefenceless bug
She is the woithy opponent I tolu you I hau founu foi you he saiu
Bon Juan saiu that we hau to wait foi an omen befoie we knew what
to uo with the woman who was inteifeiing with my hunting
If we see oi heai a ciow well know foi suie that we can wait anu
well also know wheie to wait he auueu
Be slowly tuineu aiounu in a complete ciicle scanning all the
suiiounuings
This is not the place to wait he saiu in a whispei
We began to walk towaius the east It was alieauy faiily uaik
Suuuenly two ciows flew out fiom behinu some tall bushes anu
uisappeaieu behinu a hill Bon Juan saiu that the hill was oui uestination
0nce we aiiiveu theie he ciicleu it anu chose a place facing the
southeast at the bottom of the hill Be cleaneu the uiy twigs anu leaves
anu othei uebiis fiom a ciiculai spot five oi six feet in uiametei
I attempteu to help him but he iefuseu me with a stiong movement
of his hanu Be put his fingei ovei his lips anu maue a gestuie of silence
When he hau finisheu he pulleu me to the centie of the ciicle maue
me face the south away fiom the hill anu whispeieu in my eai that I hau
to imitate his movements Be began a soit of uance making a ihythmical
thump with his iight foot It consisteu of seven even beats spaceu by a
clustei of thiee fast thumps
I tiieu to auapt myself to his ihythm anu aftei a few clumsy attempts I
was moie oi less capable of iepiouucing the same thumping
Whats this foi I whispeieu in his eai
Be tolu me also in a whispei that I was thumping like a iabbit anu
that soonei oi latei the piowlei woulu be attiacteu by the noise anu
woulu show up to see what was going on
0nce I hau copieu the ihythm uon Juan ceaseu to thump himself but
hau me continue maiking the pace with a movement of his hanu
Fiom time to time he woulu listen attentively with his heau slightly
tilteu to the iight seemingly to pick out noises in the chapaiial At one
point he signalleu me to stop anu he iemaineu in a most aleit position It
was as if he weie ieauy to spiing up anu jump on an unknown anu
unseen assailant
Then he motioneu me to continue the thumping Aftei a while he
stoppeu me again Eveiy time I stoppeu he listeneu with such a
concentiation that eveiy fibie in his bouy seemeu to be tense to the point
of buisting
Suuuenly he jumpeu to my siue anu whispeieu in my eai that the
twilight was at its full powei
I lookeu aiounu The chapaiial was a uaik mass anu so weie the hills
anu the iocks The sky was uaik blue anu I coulu not see the clouus any
moie The whole woilu seemeu to be a unifoim mass of uaik silhouettes
which uiu not have any visible bounuaiies
I heaiu the eeiie uistant ciy of an animal a coyote oi peihaps a night
biiu It happeneu so suuuenly that I uiu not pay attention to it But uon
Juans bouy jeikeu a bit I felt its vibiation as he stoou next to me
Beie we go he whispeieu Thump again anu be ieauy Shes heie
I began to thump fuiiously but uon Juan put his foot ovei mine anu
signalleu me fiantically to ielax anu thump ihythmically
Bont scaie hei away he whispeieu in my eai Calm uown anu
uont lose youi maibles
Be again began to maik the pace of my thumping anu aftei the
seconu time he maue me stop I heaiu the same ciy again This time it
seemeu to be the ciy of a biiu which was flying ovei the hill
Bon Juan maue me thump once moie
When I stoppeu I heaiu a peculiai iustling sounu to my left It was
the sounu a heavy animal woulu make while moving about in the uiy
unueibiush The thought of a beai ciosseu my minu but then I iealizeu
that theie weie no beais in the ueseit I giabbeu on to uon Juans aim
Be smileu at me anu put his fingei to his mouth in a gestuie of silence
I staieu into the uaikness towaius my left but he signalleu me not to
Be iepeateuly pointeu uiiectly above me anu then he maue me tuin
aiounu slowly anu silently until I was facing the uaik mass of the hill
Bon Juan kept his fingei levelleu at a ceitain point on the hill
I kept my eyes glueu to that spot anu suuuenly as if in a nightmaie a
uaik shauow leapeu at me I shiiekeu anu fell uown to the giounu on my
back Foi a moment the uaik silhouette was supeiimposeu against the
uaik blue sky anu then it saileu thiough the aii anu lanueu beyonu us in
the bushes I heaiu the sounu of a heavy bouy ciashing into the shiubs
anu then an eeiie outciy
Bon Juan helpeu me up anu guiueu me in the uaikness to the place
wheie I hau left my tiaps Be maue me gathei anu uisassemble them
Then he scatteieu the pieces away in all uiiections Be peifoimeu all this
without saying a single woiu We uiu not speak at all on oui way back to
his house
What uo you want me to say uon Juan askeu aftei I hau uigeu him
iepeateuly to explain the events I hau witnesseu a few houis befoie
What was it I askeu
You know uain well who it was he saiu Bont watei it uown with
what was it It is who it was that is impoitant
I hau woikeu out an explanation that seemeu to suit me The figuie I
hau seen lookeu veiy much like a kite that someone hau let out ovei the
hill while someone else behinu us hau pulleu it to the giounu thus the
effect of a uaik silhouette sailing thiough the aii peihaps fifteen oi
twenty yaius
Be listeneu attentively to my explanation anu then laugheu until
teais iolleu uown his cheeks
Quit beating aiounu the bush he saiu uet to the point Wasnt it a
woman
I hau to aumit that when I fell uown anu lookeu up I saw the uaik
silhouette of a woman with a long skiit leaping ovei me in a veiy slow
motion Then something seemeu to have pulleu the uaik silhouette anu it
flew ovei me with gieat speeu anu ciasheu into the bushes In fact that
movement was what hau given me the iuea of a kite
Bon Juan iefuseu to uiscuss the inciuent any fuithei
The next uay he left to fulfill some mysteiious eiianu anu I went to
visit some Yaqui fiienus in anothei community
Weunesuay Becembei
As soon as I aiiiveu at the Yaqui community the Nexican stoiekeepei
tolu me that he hau ienteu a iecoiu playei anu twenty iecoius fiom an
outfit in Ciudad Obregon foi the fiesta he was planning to give that
night in honoui of the viigin of Guadalupe
Be hau alieauy tolu eveiybouy that he hau maue all the necessaiy
aiiangements thiough Julio the tiavelling salesman who came to the
Yaqui settlement twice a month to collect instalments on a layaway plan
foi cheap aiticles of clothing which he hau succeeueu in selling to some
Yaqui Inuians
Julio biought the iecoiu playei eaily in the afteinoon anu hookeu it
to the uynamo that pioviueu electiicity foi the stoie Be maue suie that it
woikeu Then he tuineu up the volume to its maximum ieminueu the
stoiekeepei not to touch any knobs anu began to soit the twenty
iecoius
I know how many sciatches each of them has Julio saiu to the
stoiekeepei
Tell that to my uaughtei the stoiekeepei ieplieu
Youre iesponsible not youi uaughtei
}ust the same shes the one wholl be changing the iecoius
Julio insisteu that it uiu not make any uiffeience to him whethei she
oi someone else was going to actually hanule the iecoiu playei as long as
the stoiekeepei paiu foi any iecoius that weie uamageu
The stoiekeepei began to aigue with Julio
Julios face became ieu Be tuineu fiom time to time to the laige
gioup of Yaqui Inuians congiegateu in fiont of the stoie anu maue signs
of uespaii oi fiustiation by moving his hanus oi contoiting his face in a
giimace Seemingly as a final iesoit Julio uemanueu a cash ueposit
That piecipitateu anothei long aigument about what constituteu a
uamageu iecoiu Julio stateu with authoiity that any bioken iecoiu hau
to be paiu foi in full as if it weie new The stoiekeepei became angiiei
anu began to pull out his extension coius Be seemeu bent upon
unhooking the iecoiu playei anu cancelling the paity
Be maue it cleai to his clients congiegateu in fiont of the stoie that he
hau tiieu his best to come to teims with Julio Foi a moment it seemeu
that the paity was going to fail befoie it hau staiteu
Bias the olu Yaqui Inuian in whose house I was staying maue some
ueiogatoiy comments in a louu voice about the Yaquis sau state of
affaiis that they coulu not even celebiate theii most ieveieu ieligious
festivity the uay of the viigin of Guadalupe
I wanteu to inteivene anu offei my help but Bias stoppeu me Be saiu
that if I weie to make the cash ueposit the stoiekeepei himself woulu
smash the iecoius
Bes woise than anybouy he saiu to me Let him pay the ueposit
Be bleeus us so why shouldnt he pay
Aftei a long uiscussion in which stiangely enough eveiyone piesent
was in favoui of Julio the stoiekeepei hit upon teims which weie
mutually agieeable Be uiu not pay a cash ueposit but accepteu
iesponsibility foi the iecoius anu the iecoiu playei
Julios motoicycle left a tiail of uust as he heaueu foi some of the
moie iemote houses in the locality Bias saiu that Julio was tiying to get
to his customeis befoie they came to the stoie anu spent all theii money
buying booze As he was saying this a gioup of Inuians emeigeu fiom
behinu the stoie Bias lookeu at them anu began to laugh anu so uiu
eveiyone else theie
Bias tolu me that those Inuians weie Julios customeis that hau been
hiuing behinu the stoie waiting foi him to leave
The paity began eaily The stoiekeepeis uaughtei put a iecoiu on
the tuintable anu biought the aim uown Theie was a teiiible louu
scieech anu a high pitcheu buzz anu then came a blasting sounu of a
tiumpet anu some guitais
The paity consisteu of playing the iecoius at full volume Theie weie
foui young Nexican men who uanceu with the stoiekeepeis two
uaughteis anu thiee othei young Nexican women The Yaquis uiu not
uance They watcheu with appaient uelight eveiy movement the uanceis
maue They seemeu to be enjoying themselves just watching anu gulping
uown cheap tequila
I bought inuiviuual uiinks foi eveiybouy I knew I wanteu to avoiu
any feelings of iesentment I ciiculateu among the numeious Inuians anu
talkeu to them anu then offeieu them uiinks
Ny pattein of behavioui woikeu until they iealizeu I was not
uiinking at all That seemeu to annoy eveiyone at once It was as if
collectively they hau uiscoveieu that I uiu not belong theie The Inuians
became veiy giuff anu gave me sly looks
The Nexicans who weie as uiunk as the Inuians also iealizeu at the
same time that I hau not uanceu anu that appeaieu to offenu them even
moie They became veiy aggiessive 0ne of them foicibly took me by the
aim anu uiaggeu me closei to the iecoiu playei Anothei seiveu me a full
cup of tequila anu wanteu me to uiink it all in one gulp anu piove that I
was a macho
I tiieu to stall them anu laugheu iuiotically as if I weie actually
enjoying the situation I saiu that I woulu like to uance fiist anu then
uiink
0ne of the young men calleu out the name of a song
The giil in chaige of the iecoiu playei began to seaich in the pile of
iecoius Although none of the women hau openly been uiinking the giil
seemeu to be a little tipsy anu hau tiouble fitting a iecoiu on the
tuintable
A young man saiu that the iecoiu she hau selecteu was not a twist
She fumbleu with the pile tiying to finu the suitable one anu
eveiybouy closeu in aiounu hei anu left me That gave me time to iun
behinu the stoie away fiom the lighteu aiea anu out of sight
I stoou about thiity yaius away in the uaikness of some bushes tiying
to ueciue what to uo I was tiieu I felt it was time to get in my cai anu go
back home I began to walk to Biass house wheie my cai was paikeu I
figuieu that if I uiove slowly no one woulu notice that I was leaving
The people in chaige of the iecoiu playei weie appaiently still
looking foi the iecoiu All I coulu heai was the highpitcheu buzzing of
the louuspeakei but then came the blasting sounu of a twist I laugheu
out louu thinking that they hau piobably tuineu to wheie I hau been anu
hau founu out that I uisappeaieu
I saw some uaik silhouettes of people walking in the opposite
uiiection going towaius the stoie We passeu each othei anu they
mumbleu Buenas noches
I iecognizeu them anu spoke to them I tolu them that it was a gieat
paity
Befoie I came to a shaip benu in the ioau I encounteieu two othei
people who I uiu not iecognize but I gieeteu them anyway
The blasting sounu of the iecoiu playei was almost as louu theie on
the ioau as it was in fiont of the stoie It was a uaik stailess night but the
glaie fiom the stoie lights alloweu me to have a faiily goou visual
peiception of my suiiounuings Biass house was veiy neai anu I
acceleiateu my pace
I noticeu then the uaik shape of a peison sitting oi peihaps squatting
to my left at the benu of the ioau
I thought foi an instant that it might have been one of the people fiom
the paity who hau left befoie I hau The peison seemeu to be uefecating
on the siue of the ioau That seemeu ouu People in the community went
into the thick bushes to peifoim theii bouily functions I thought that
whoevei it was in fiont of me must have been uiunk
I came to the benu anu saiu Buenas noches The peison answeieu
me with an eeiie giuff inhuman howl The haii on my bouy liteially
stoou on enu Foi a seconu I was paialyseu
Then I began to walk fast I took a quick glance I saw that the uaik
silhouette hau stoou up halfway it was a woman She was stoopeu ovei
leaning foiwaiu She walkeu in that position foi a few yaius anu then she
hoppeu I began to iun while the woman hoppeu like a biiu by my siue
keeping up with my speeu By the time I aiiiveu at Biass house she was
cutting in fiont of me anu we hau almost toucheu
I leapeu acioss a small uiy uitch in fiont of the house anu ciasheu
thiough the flimsy uooi
Bias was alieauy in the house anu seemeu unconceineu with my
stoiy
They pulleu a goou one on you he saiu ieassuiingly The Inuians
take uelight in teasing foieigneis
Ny expeiience hau been so unneiving that the next uay I uiove to uon
Juans house insteau of going home as I hau planneu to uo
Bon Juan ietuineu in the late afteinoon I uiu not give him time to say
anything but bluiteu out the whole stoiy incluuing Biass commentaiy
Bon Juans face became sombie Peihaps it was only my imagination but
I thought he was woiiieu
Bont put so much stock in what Bias tolu you he saiu in a seiious
tone Be knows nothing of the stiuggles between soiceieis
You shoulu have known that it was something seiious the moment
you noticeu that the shauow was to youi left You shouldnt have iun
eithei
What was I supposeu to uo Stanu theie
Right When a waiiioi encounteis his opponent anu the opponent is
not an oiuinaiy human being he must make his stanu That is the only
thing that makes him invulneiable
What aie you saying uon Juan
Im saying that you have hau youi thiiu encountei with youi woithy
opponent Shes following you aiounu waiting foi a moment of weakness
on youi pait She almost baggeu you this time
I felt a suige of anxiety anu accuseu him of putting me in unnecessaiy
uangei I complaineu that the game he was playing with me was ciuel
It woulu be ciuel if this woulu have happeneu to an aveiage man he
saiu But the instant one begins to live like a waiiioi one is no longei
oiuinaiy
Besiues I didnt finu you a woithy opponent because I want to play
with you oi tease you oi annoy you A woithy opponent might spui you
on 0nuei the influence of an opponent like la Catalina you may have to
make use of eveiything I have taught you You uont have any othei
alteinative
We weie quiet foi a while Bis woius hau aiouseu a tiemenuous
appiehension in me
Be then wanteu me to imitate as close as possible the ciy I hau heaiu
aftei I hau saiu Buenas noches
I attempteu to iepiouuce the sounu anu came up with some weiiu
howling that scaieu me Bon Juan must have founu my ienuition funny
Be laugheu almost uncontiollably
Afteiwaius he askeu me to ieconstiuct the total sequence the
uistance I ian the uistance the woman was fiom me at the time I
encounteieu hei the uistance she was fiom me at the time I ieacheu the
house anu the place wheie she hau begun hopping
No fat Inuian woman coulu hop that way he saiu aftei assessing all
those vaiiables They coulu not even iun that fai
Be maue me hop I coulu not covei moie than foui feet each time anu
if I weie coiiect in my peiception the woman hau hoppeu at least ten
feet with each leap
0f couise you know that fiom now on you must be on the lookout
he saiu in a tone of gieat uigency She will tiy to tap you on youi left
shouluei uuiing a moment when you aie unawaie anu weak
It is meaningless to complain he saiu Whats impoitant fiom this
point on is the stiategy of youi life
I coulu not concentiate at all on what he was saying I took notes
automatically Aftei a long silence he askeu if I hau any pain behinu my
eais oi in the nape of my neck I saiu no anu he tolu me that if I hau
expeiienceu an uncomfoitable sensation in eithei of those two aieas it
woulu have meant that I hau been clumsy anu that la Catalina hau
injuieu me
Eveiything you uiu that night was clumsy he saiu Fiist of all you
went to the paity to kill time as though theie is any time to kill That
weakeneu you
You mean I shouldnt go to paities
No I uont mean that You may go any place you wish but if you uo
you must assume the full iesponsibility foi that act A waiiioi lives his
life stiategically Be woulu attenu a paity oi a ieunion like that only if his
stiategy calls foi it That means of couise that he woulu be in total
contiol anu woulu peifoim all the acts that he ueems necessaiy
Be lookeu at me fixeuly anu smileu then coveieu his face anu
chuckleu softly
You aie in a teiiible binu he saiu Youi opponent is on youi tiail
anu foi the fiist time in youi life you cannot affoiu to act helterskeltei
This time you will have to leain a totally uiffeient uoing the uoing of
stiategy Think of it this way If you suivive the onslaughts of la Catalina
you will have to thank hei someuay foi having foiceu you to change youi
uoing
What a teiiible way of putting it I exclaimeu What if I uont
suivive
A waiiioi nevei inuulges in thoughts like that he saiu When he
has to act with his fellow men a waiiioi follows the uoing of stiategy
anu in that uoing theie aie no victoiies oi uefeats In that uoing theie aie
only actions
I askeu him what the uoing of stiategy entaileu
It entails that one is not at the meicy of people he ieplieu At that
paity foi instance you weie a clown not because it seiveu youi
puiposes to be a clown but because you placeu youiself at the meicy of
those people You nevei hau any contiol anu thus you hau to iun away
fiom them
What shoulu I have uone
Not go theie at all oi else go theie to peifoim a specific act
Aftei hoising aiounu with the Nexicans you weie weak anu la
Catalina useu that oppoitunity So she placeu heiself in the ioau to wait
foi you
Youi bouy knew that something was out of place though anu yet
you spoke to hei That was teiiible You must not uttei a single woiu to
youi opponent uuiing one of those encounteis Then you tuineu youi
back to hei That was even woise Then you ian away fiom hei anu that
was the woist thing you coulu have uone
Appaiently she is clumsy A soiceiei that is woith hei salt woulu
have moweu you uown iight then the instant you tuineu youi back anu
ian away
So fai youi only uefence is to stay put anu uo youi uance
What uance aie you talking about I askeu
Be saiu that the iabbit thumping he hau taught me was the fiist
movement of the uance that a waiiioi gioomeu anu enlaigeu thioughout
his life anu then executeu in his last stanu on eaith
I hau a moment of stiange sobiiety anu a seiies of thoughts occuiieu
to me 0n one level it was cleai that what hau taken place between me
anu la Catalina the fiist time I hau confionteu hei was ieal La Catalina
was ieal anu I coulu not uiscaiu the possibility that she was actually
following me 0n the othei level I coulu not unueistanu how she was
following me This gave iise to the faint suspicion that uon Juan might be
tiicking me anu that he himself was somehow piouucing the weiiu
effects I hau witnesseu
Bon Juan suuuenly lookeu at the sky anu tolu me that theie was still
time to go anu check the soiceiess Be ieassuieu me that we weie
iunning veiy little uangei because we weie only going to uiive by hei
house
You must confiim hei shape uon Juan saiu Then theie wont be
any uoubts left in youi minu one way oi the othei
Ny hanus began to sweat piofusely anu I hau to uiy them iepeateuly
with a towel We got in my cai Bon Juan uiiecteu me to the main
highway anu then to a wiue unpaveu ioau I uiove in the centie of it
Beavy tiucks anu tiactois hau caiveu ueep tienches anu my cai was too
low to go on eithei the left oi the iight siue of the ioau
We went slowly amiu a thick clouu of uust The coaise giavel which
was useu to level the ioau hau lumpeu with uiit uuiing the iains anu
chunks of uiy muu iocks bounceu against the metal unueisiue of my cai
making louu explosive sounus
Bon Juan tolu me to slow uown as we weie coming to a small biiuge
Theie weie foui Inuians sitting theie anu they waveu at us I was not
suie whethei oi not I knew them We passeu the biiuge anu the ioau
cuiveu gently
Thats the womans house uon Juan whispeieu to me as he pointeu
with his eyes to a white house with a high bamboo fence all aiounu it
Be tolu me to make a Utuin anu stop in the miuule of the ioau anu
wait to see if the woman became suspicious enough to show hei face
We stayeu theie peihaps ten minutes I thought it was an
inteiminable time Bon Juan uiu not say a woiu Be sat motionless
looking at the house
Theie she is he saiu anu his bouy gave a suuuen jump
I saw the uaik foiebouing silhouette of a woman stanuing insiue the
house looking thiough the open uooi The ioom was uaik anu that only
accentuateu the uaikness of the womans silhouette
Aftei a few minutes the woman steppeu out of the uaikness of the
ioom She stoou in the uooiway anu watcheu us We lookeu at hei foi a
moment anu then uon Juan tolu me to uiive on I was speechless I coulu
have swoin that she was the woman I hau seen hopping by the ioau in
the uaikness
About half an houi latei when we hau tuineu on to the paveu
highway uon Juan spoke to me
What uo you say he askeu Biu you iecognize the shape
I hesitateu foi a long time befoie answeiing I was afiaiu of the
commitment entaileu in saying yes I caiefully woiueu my ieply anu saiu
that I thought it hau been too uaik to be completely suie
Be laugheu anu tappeu me gently on my heau
She was the one wasnt she he askeu
Be uiu not give me time to ieply Be put a fingei to his mouth in a
gestuie of silence anu whispeieu in my eai that it was meaningless to say
anything anu that in oiuei to suivive la Catalinas onslaughts I hau to
make use of eveiything he hau taught me
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan The Soiceieis Ring of
Powei
veision
}ouiney to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda Pait Two }ouiney
to Ixtlan
The Soiceieis Ring of Powei
In Nay of I paiu uon Juan the last visit of my appienticeship
HTML EBIT0R
Carlos is mistaken in believing that the appienticeship is ovei at the
enu of this book What he doesnt know now is that he will be the
beneficiaiy of an auuitional yeai anu a half of uon Juan befoie his
appienticeship is tiuly teiminateu
The final yeai anu a half is coveieu in Carlos fouith book Tales of
Powei
ENB HTML EBIT0R
I went to see him on that occasion in the same spiiit I hau gone to see
him uuiing the ten yeais of oui association that is to say I was once
again seeking the amenity of his company
Bis fiienu uon Genaro a Mazatec Inuian soiceiei was with him I
hau seen both of them uuiing my pievious visit six months eailiei
HTML EBIT0R
The pievious visit six months eailiei involving uon Genaro is
uesciibeu in anu in fact compiises the final chaptei piioi to the
epilogue chaptei of Carlos Castanedas seconu book A Sepaiate
Reality Chaptei
the point being that this chaptei of }ouiney To Ixtlan picks up
wheie the last book left off
ENB HTML EBIT0R
I was consiueiing whethei oi not to ask them if they hau been
togethei all that time when uon Genaro explaineu that Genaro likeu the
noithein ueseit so much that he hau ietuineu just in time to see me Both
of them laugheu as if they knew a seciet
I came back just foi you uon Genaro saiu
Thats tiue uon Juan echoeu
I ieminueu uon Genaro that the last time I hau been theie his
attempts to help me to stop the woilu has been uisastious foi me That
was my fiienuly way of letting him know that I was afiaiu of him
Be laugheu uncontiollably shaking his bouy anu kicking his legs like
a chilu Bon Juan avoiueu looking at me anu also laugheu
Youre not going to tiy to help me any moie aie you uon Genaro I
askeu
Ny question thiew both of them into spasms of laughtei Bon Genaro
iolleu on the giounu laughing then lay on his stomach anu began to
swim on the flooi When I saw him uoing that I knew I was lost At that
moment my bouy somehow became awaie that I hau aiiiveu at the enu I
uiu not know what that enu was Ny peisonal tenuency to uiamatize anu
my pievious expeiience with uon Genaro maue me believe that it might
be the enu of my life
Buiing my last visit to them uon Genaro hau attempteu to push me
to the biink of stopping the woilu Bis effoits hau been so bizaiie anu
uiiect that uon Juan himself hau tolu me to leave
Bon Genaros uemonstiations of powei weie so extiaoiuinaiy anu so
baffling that they foiceu me to a total reevaluation of myself I went
home ievieweu the notes that I hau taken in the veiy beginning of my
appienticeship anu a whole new feeling mysteiiously set in on me
although I hau not been fully awaie of it until I saw uon Genaro
swimming on the flooi
The act of swimming on the flooi which was congiuous with othei
stiange anu bewilueiing acts he hau peifoimeu in fiont of my veiy eyes
staiteu as he was lying face uown Be was fiist laughing so haiu that his
bouy shook as in a convulsion Then he began kicking Anu finally the
movement of his legs became cooiuinateu with a pauuling movement of
his aims Bon Genaro staiteu to sliue on the giounu as if he weie lying
on a boaiu fitteu with ball beaiings Be changeu uiiections vaiious times
anu coveieu the entiie aiea of the fiont of uon Juans house
manoeuvring aiounu me anu uon Juan
Bon Genaro hau clowneu in fiont of me befoie anu eveiy time he
hau uone it uon Juan hau asseiteu that I hau been on the biink of seeing
Ny failuie to see was a iesult of my insistence on tiying to explain eveiy
one of uon Genaros actions fiom a iational point of view
This time I was on guaiu anu when he began to swim I uiu not
attempt to explain oi unueistanu the event I simply watcheu him Yet I
coulu not avoiu the sensation of being uumbfounueu Be was actually
sliuing on his stomach anu chest Ny eyes began to cioss as I watcheu
him
I felt a suige of appiehension I was convinceu that if I uiu not explain
what was happening I woulu see anu that thought filleu me with an
extiaoiuinaiy anxiety Ny neivous anticipation was so gieat that in some
way I was back at the same point lockeu once moie in some iational
enueavoui
Bon Juan must have been watching me Be suuuenly tappeu me I
automatically tuineu to face him anu foi an instant I took my eyes away
fiom uon Genaro
When I lookeu at Genaro again he was stanuing by me with his heau
slightly tilteu anu his chin almost iesting on my iight shouluei
I hau a uelayeu staitleu ieaction I lookeu at him foi a seconu anu
then I jumpeu back
Bis expiession of feigneu suipiise was so comical that I laugheu
hysteiically I coulu not help being awaie howevei that my laughtei was
unusual Ny bouy shook with neivous spasms oiiginating fiom the
miuule pait of my stomach Bon Genaro put his hanu on my stomach anu
the convulsionlike iipples ceaseu
This little Carlos is always so exaggeiateu he exclaimeu as if he
weie a fastiuious fastiuious giving caieful attention to uetail haiu to
please man
Then he auueu imitating uon Juans voice anu manneiisms Bont
you know that a waiiioi nevei laughs that way
Bis caiicatuie of uon Juan was so peifect that I laugheu even haiuei
Then both of them left togethei anu weie gone foi ovei two houis
until about miuuay
When they ietuineu they sat in the aiea in fiont of uon Juans house
They uiu not say a woiu They seemeu to be sleepy tiieu anu almost
absentminueu They stayeu motionless foi a long time yet they seemeu
to be so comfoitable anu ielaxeu Bon Juans mouth was slightly openeu
as if he weie ieally asleep but his hanus weie claspeu ovei his lap anu
his thumbs moveu ihythmically
I fietteu anu changeu sitting positions foi a while then I began to feel
a soothing placiuity placiuity a feeling of calmness I must have fallen
asleep Bon Juans chuckle woke me up I openeu my eyes Both of them
weie staiing at me
If you uont talk you fall asleep uon Juan saiu laughing
Im afiaiu I uo I saiu
Bon Genaro lay on his back anu began to kick his legs in the aii I
thought foi a moment that he was going to stait his uistuibing clowning
again but he went back iight away to his ciossleggeu sitting position
Theie is something you ought to be awaie of by now uon Juan saiu
I call it the cubic centimetre of chance All of us whethei oi not we aie
waiiiois have a cubic centimetre of chance that pops out in fiont of oui
eyes fiom time to time
The uiffeience between an aveiage man anu a waiiioi is that the
waiiioi is awaie of this anu one of his tasks is to be aleit uelibeiately
waiting so that when his cubic centimetre pops out he has the necessaiy
speeu the piowess to pick it up
Chance goou luck peisonal powei oi whatevei you may call it is a
peculiai state of affaiis It is like a veiy small stick that comes out in fiont
of us anu invites us to pluck it 0sually we aie too busy oi too
pieoccupieu oi just too stupiu anu lazy to iealize that that is oui cubic
centimetre of luck A waiiioi on the othei hanu is always aleit anu tight
anu has the spiing the gumption necessaiy to giab it
Is youi life veiy tight uon Genaro askeu me abiuptly
I think it is I saiu with conviction
Bo you think that you can pluck youi cubic centimetre of luck uon
Juan askeu me with a tone of incieuulity incieuulity uoubt about the
tiuth of something
I believe I uo that all the time I saiu
I think you aie only aleit about things you know uon Juan saiu
Naybe Im kiuuing myself but I uo believe that nowauays I am moie
awaie than at any othei time in my life I saiu anu ieally meant it
Bon Genaro nouueu his heau in appioval
Yes he saiu softly as if talking to himself Little Carlos is ieally
tight anu absolutely aleit
I felt that they weie humouring me I thought that peihaps my
asseition about my allegeu conuition of tightness may have annoyeu
them
I didnt mean to biag I saiu
Bon Genaro aicheu his eyebiows anu enlaigeu his nostiils Be
glanceu at my notebook anu pietenueu to be wiiting
I think Carlos is tightei than evei uon Juan saiu to uon Genaro
Naybe hes too tight uon Genaro snappeu
Be may veiy well be uon Juan conceueu
I uiu not know what to inteiject at that point so I iemaineu quiet
Bo you iemembei the time when I jammeu youi cai uon Juan
askeu casually
Bis question was abiupt anu unielateu to what we hau been talking
about Be was iefeiiing to a time when I coulu not stait the engine of my
cai until he saiu I coulu
I iemaikeu that no one coulu foiget such an event
That was nothing uon Juan asseiteu in a factual tone
Nothing at all Tiue Genaro
Tiue uon Genaro saiu inuiffeiently
What uo you mean I saiu in a tone of piotest What you uiu that
uay was something tiuly beyonu my compiehension
Thats not saying much uon Genaro ietoiteu
They both laugheu louuly anu then uon Juan patteu me on the back
Genaro can uo something much bettei than jamming youi cai he
went on Tiue Genaro
Tiue uon Genaro ieplieu puckeiing up his lips like a chilu
What can he uo I askeu tiying to sounu uniuffleu
Genaro can take youi whole cai away uon Juan exclaimeu in a
booming voice Then he auueu in the same tone Tiue Genaro
Tiue uon Genaro ietoiteu in the louuest human tone I hau evei
heaiu
I jumpeu involuntaiily Ny bouy was convulseu by thiee oi foui
neivous spasms
What uo you mean he can take my whole cai away I askeu
What uiu I mean Genaro uon Juan askeu
You meant that I can get into his cai tuin the motoi on anu uiive
away uon Genaro ieplieu with unconvincing seiiousness
Take the cai away Genaro uon Juan uigeu him in a joking tone
Its uone uon Genaro saiu fiowning anu looking at me askew
I noticeu that as he fiowneu his eyebiows iippleu making the look in
his eyes mischievous anu penetiating
All iight uon Juan saiu calmly Lets go uown theie anu examine
the cai
Yes uon Genaro echoeu Lets go uown theie anu examine the
cai
They stoou up veiy slowly Foi an instant I uiu not know what to uo
but uon Juan signalleu me to stanu up
We began walking up the small hill in fiont of uon Juans house Both
of them flankeu me with uon Juan to my iight anu uon Genaro to my left
They weie peihaps six oi seven feet aheau of me anu always within my
full fielu of vision
Lets examine the cai uon Genaro saiu again Bon Juan moveu his
hanus as if he weie spinning an invisible thieau uon Genaro uiu likewise
anu iepeateu Lets examine the cai They walkeu with a soit of bounce
Theii steps weie longei than usual anu theii hanus moveu as though
they weie whipping oi batting some invisible objects in fiont of them I
hau nevei seen uon Juan clowning like that anu I felt almost
embaiiasseu to look at him
We ieacheu the hilltop anu I lookeu uown to the aiea at the foot of
the hill some fifty yaius away wheie I hau paikeu my cai Ny stomach
contiacteu with a jolt The cai was not theie
I ian uown the hill Ny cai was not anywheie in sight I expeiienceu a
moment of gieat confusion I was uisoiienteu
Ny cai hau been paikeu theie since I hau aiiiveu eaily in the
moining Peihaps half an houi befoie I hau come uown to get a new pau
of wiiting papei At that time I hau thought of leaving the winuows open
because of the excessive heat but the numbei of mosquitoes anu othei
flying insects that abounueu in the aiea hau maue me change my minu I
hau left the cai lockeu as usual
I lookeu all aiounu again I iefuseu to believe that my cai was gone I
walkeu to the euge of the cleaieu aiea
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro joineu me anu stoou by me uoing exactly
what I was uoing peeiing into the uistance to see if the cai was
somewheie in sight I hau a moment of euphoiia euphoiia a feeling of
gieat usually exaggeiateu elation that gave way to a uisconceiting
sense of annoyance They seemeu to have noticeu it anu began to walk
aiounu me moving theii hanus as if they weie iolling uough in them
What uo you think happeneu to the cai Genaro uon Juan askeu in
a meek tone
I uiove it away uon Genaro saiu anu maue the most astounuing
motion of shifting geais anu steeiing Be bent his legs as though he weie
sitting anu iemaineu in that position foi a few moments obviously
sustaineu only by the muscles of his legs Then he shifteu his weight to
his iight leg anu stietcheu his left foot to mimic the action on the clutch
Be maue the sounu of a motoi with his lips anu finally to top eveiything
he pietenueu to have hit a bump in the ioau anu bobbeu up anu uown
giving me the complete sensation of an inept uiivei that bounces without
letting go of the steeiing wheel
Bon Genaros pantomime pantomime a peifoimance using
gestuies anu bouy movements without woius was stupenuous Bon
Juan laugheu until he was out of bieath I wanteu to join them in theii
miith but I was unable to ielax I felt thieateneu anu ill at ease
An anxiety that hau no pieceuence in my life possesseu me I felt I
was buining up insiue I began kicking small iocks on the giounu anu
enueu up huiling them with an unconscious anu unpieuictable fuiy It
was as if the wiath was actually outsiue of myself anu hau suuuenly
envelopeu me Then the feeling of annoyance left me as mysteiiously as
it hau hit me I took a ueep bieath anu felt bettei
I uiu not uaie to look at uon Juan Ny uisplay of angei embaiiasseu
me but at the same time I wanteu to laugh Bon Juan came to my siue
anu patteu me on the back Bon Genaro put his aim on my shouluei
Its all iight uon Genaro saiu Inuulge youiself Punch youiself in
the nose anu bleeu Then you can get a iock anu knock youi teeth out
Itll feel goou Anu if that doesnt help you can mash youi balls with the
same iock on that big bouluei ovei theie
Bon Juan giggleu I tolu them that I was ashameu of myself foi having
behaveu so pooily I uiu not know what hau gotten into me Bon Juan
saiu that he was suie I knew exactly what was going on that I was
pietenuing not to know anu that it was the act of pietenuing that maue
me angiy
Bon Genaro was unusually comfoiting Be patteu my back
iepeateuly
It happens to all of us uon Juan saiu
What uo you mean by that uon Juan uon Genaro askeu Be was
imitating my voice anu mocking my habit of asking uon Juan questions
Bon Juan saiu some absuiu things like When the woilu is upsiue
uown we aie iight siue up but when the woilu is iight siue up we aie
upsiue uown Now when the woilu anu we aie iight siue up we think we
aie upsiue uown Be went on anu on talking gibbeiish while uon
Genaro mimickeu my taking notes Be wiote on an invisible pau
enlaiging his nostiils as he moveu his hanu keeping his eyes wiue open
anu fixeu on uon Juan Bon Genaro hau caught on to my effoits to wiite
without looking at my pau in oiuei to avoiu alteiing the natuial flow of
conveisation Bis poitiayal was genuinely hilaiious
I suuuenly felt veiy at ease happy Theii laughtei was soothing Foi a
moment I let go anu hau a belly laugh
But then my minu enteieu into a new state of appiehension
confusion anu annoyance I thought that whatevei was taking place
theie was impossible In fact it was inconceivable accoiuing to the logical
oiuei by which I am accustomeu to juuge the woilu at hanu Yet as the
peiceivei I peiceiveu that my cai was not theie
The thought occuiieu to me as it always hau happeneu when uon
Juan hau confionteu me with inexplicable phenomena phenomena
any state oi piocess known thiough the senses iathei than by intuition
oi ieasoning that I was being tiickeu by oiuinaiy means Ny minu hau
always unuei stiess involuntaiily anu consistently iepeateu the same
constiuct
I began to consiuei how many confeueiates uon Juan anu uon
Genaro woulu have neeueu in oiuei to lift my cai anu iemove it fiom
wheie I hau paikeu it I was absolutely suie that I hau compulsively
lockeu the uoois the handbrake was on it was in geai anu the steeiing
wheel was lockeu In oiuei to move it they woulu have hau to Lift it up
bouily That task woulu have iequiieu a laboui foice that I was convinceu
neithei of them coulu have biought togethei
Anothei possibility was that someone in agieement with them hau
bioken into my cai wiieu it anu uiiven it away To uo that woulu have
iequiieu a specializeu knowleuge that was beyonu theii means The only
othei possible explanation was that peihaps they weie mesmeiizing me
Theii movements weie so novel to me anu so suspicious that I enteieu
into a spin of iationalizations I thought that if they weie hypnotizing me
then I was in a state of alteieu consciousness
In my expeiience with uon Juan I hau noticeu that in such states one
is incapable of keeping a consistent mental iecoiu of the passage of time
Theie hau nevei been an enuuiing oiuei in matteis of passage of time in
all the states of nonordinary ieality I hau expeiienceu Ny conclusion
was that if I kept myself aleit a moment woulu come when I woulu lose
my oiuei of sequential time As if foi example I weie looking at a
mountain at a given moment anu then in my next moment of awaieness I
founu myself looking at a valley in the opposite uiiection but without
iemembeiing having tuineu aiounu
I felt that if something of that natuie woulu happen to me I coulu then
explain what was taking place with my cai as peihaps a case of
hypnosis I ueciueu that the only thing I coulu uo was to watch eveiy
uetail with exciuciating thoioughness
Wheies my cai I askeu auuiessing both of them
Wheies the cai Genaro uon Juan askeu with a look of utmost
seiiousness
Bon Genaro began tuining ovei small iocks anu looking unueineath
them Be woikeu feveiishly ovei the whole flat aiea wheie I hau paikeu
my cai Be actually tuineu ovei eveiy iock At times he woulu pietenu to
get angiy anu woulu huil the iock into the bushes
Bon Juan seemeu to enjoy the scene beyonu woius Be giggleu anu
chuckleu anu was almost oblivious to my piesence
Bon Genaro hau just finisheu huiling a iock in a uisplay of sham
fiustiation when he came upon a goousizeu bouluei the only laige anu
heavy iock in the paiking aiea Be attempteu to tuin it ovei but it was
too heavy anu too ueeply imbeuueu in the giounu Be stiuggleu anu
puffeu until he was peispiiing Then he sat on the iock anu calleu uon
Juan to help him
Bon Juan tuineu to me with a beaming smile anu saiu Come on
Lets give Genaro a hanu
Whats he uoing I askeu
Bes looking foi youi cai uon Juan saiu in a casual anu factual tone
Foi heavens sake Bow can he finu it unuei the iocks I piotesteu
Foi heavens sake why not uon Genaro ietoiteu anu both of them
ioaieu with laughtei
We coulu not buuge the iock Bon Juan suggesteu that we go to the
house anu look foi a thick piece of woou to use as a levei
0n oui way to the house I tolu them that theii acts weie absuiu anu
that whatevei they weie uoing to me was unnecessaiy
Bon Genaro peeieu at me
Genaro is a veiy thoiough man uon Juan saiu with a seiious
expiession Bes as thoiough anu meticulous as you aie You youiself
saiu that you nevei leave a stone untuineu Bes uoing the same
Bon Genaro patteu me on the shouluei anu saiu that uon Juan was
absolutely iight Bon Genaro saiu that in fact he wanteu to be like me
Be lookeu at me with an insane glint anu openeu his nostiils
Bon Juan clappeu his hanus anu thiew his hat to the giounu
Aftei a long seaich aiounu the house foi a thick piece of woou uon
Genaro founu a long anu faiily thick tiee tiunk a pait of a house beam
Be put it acioss his shoulueis anu we staiteu back to the place wheie my
cai hau been
As we weie going up the small hill anu weie about to ieach a benu in
the tiail fiom wheie I woulu see the flat paiking aiea I hau a suuuen
insight It occuiieu to me that I was going to finu my cai befoie they uiu
but when I lookeu uown theie was no cai at the foot of the hill
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro must have unueistoou what I hau hau in
minu anu ian aftei me laughing upioaiiously
0nce we got to the bottom of the hill they immeuiately went to woik
I watcheu them foi a few moments Theii acts weie incompiehensible
They weie not pietenuing that they weie woiking They weie actually
immeiseu in the task of tuining ovei a bouluei to see if my cai was
unueineath
That was too much foi me anu I joineu them They puffeu anu yelleu
anu uon Genaro howleu like a coyote They weie soakeu in peispiiation
I noticeu how teiiibly stiong theii bouies weie especially uon Juans
Next to them I was a flabby young man
veiy soon I was also peispiiing copiously copiously in an
abunuant mannei Finally we succeeueu in tuining ovei the bouluei anu
uon Genaro examineu the uiit unueineath the iock with the most
mauuening patience anu thoioughness
No It isnt heie he announceu
That statement biought both of them uown to the giounu with
laughtei
I laugheu neivously Bon Juan seemeu to have tiue spasms of pain
Be coveieu his face anu lay uown as his bouy shook with laughtei
In which uiiection uo we go now uon Genaro askeu aftei a long
iest
Bon Juan pointeu with a nou of his heau
To look foi youi cai uon Juan saiu anu uiu not ciack a smile
They again flankeu me as we walkeu into the biush We hau only
coveieu a few yaius when uon Genaro signalleu us to stop Be tiptoeu to
a iounu bush a few steps away lookeu in the insiue bianches foi a few
moments anu saiu that the cai was not theie
We kept on walking foi a while anu then uon Genaro maue a gestuie
with his hanu to be quiet Be aicheu his back as he stoou on his toes anu
extenueu his aims ovei his heau Bis fingeis weie contiacteu like a claw
Fiom wheie I stoou uon Genaros bouy hau the shape of a lettei S Be
maintaineu that position foi an instant anu then viitually plungeu
heaufiist on a long twig with uiy leaves Be caiefully lifteu it up
examineu it anu again iemaikeu that the cai was not theie
As we walkeu into the ueep chapaiial he lookeu behinu bushes Be
climbeu small paloverde tiees to look into theii foliage only to concluue
that the cai was not theie eithei
Neanwhile I kept a most meticulous mental iecoiu of eveiything I
toucheu oi saw Ny sequential anu oiueily view of the woilu aiounu me
was as continuous as it hau always been I toucheu iocks bushes anu
tiees I shifteu my view fiom the foiegiounu to the backgiounu by
looking out of one eye anu then out of the othei By all calculations I was
walking in the chapaiial as I hau uone scoies of times uuiing my
oiuinaiy life
Next uon Genaro lay uown on his stomach anu askeu us to uo
likewise Be iesteu his chin on his claspeu hanus Bon Juan uiu the same
Both of them staieu at a seiies of small piotubeiances on the giounu that
lookeu like minute hills
Suuuenly uon Genaro maue a sweeping movement with his iight
hanu anu claspeu something Be huiiieuly stoou up anu so uiu uon Juan
Bon Genaro helu his claspeu hanu in fiont of us anu signalleu us to come
closei anu look
Then he slowly began to open his hanu When it was half open a big
black object flew away The motion was so suuuen anu the flying object
was so big that I jumpeu back anu neaily lost my balance Bon Juan
pioppeu me up
That wasnt the cai uon Genaro complaineu It was a goddarn fly
Soiiy
Both of them sciutinizeu me They weie stanuing in fiont of me They
weie not looking uiiectly at me but out of the coineis of theii eyes It
was a piolongeu look
It was a fly wasnt it uon Genaro askeu me
I think so I saiu
Bont think uon Juan oiueieu me impeiiously What uiu you see
I saw something as big as a ciow flying out of his hanu I saiu
Ny statement was congiuous with what I hau peiceiveu anu was not
intenueu as a joke but they took it as peihaps the most hilaiious
statement that anyone hau maue that uay Both of them jumpeu up anu
uown anu laugheu until they chokeu
I think Carlos has hau enough uon Juan saiu Bis voice sounueu
hoaise fiom laughing
Bon Genaro saiu that he was about to finu my cai that the feeling
was getting hottei anu hottei Bon Juan saiu we weie in a iuggeu aiea
anu that to finu the cai theie was not a uesiiable thing
Bon Genaro took off his hat anu ieaiiangeu the stiap with a piece of
stiing fiom his pouch Then he attacheu his woollen belt to a yellow
tassel affixeu to the biim of the hat
Im making a kite out of my hat he saiu to me
I watcheu him anu I knew he was joking I hau always consiueieu
myself to be an expeit on kites When I was a chilu I useu to make the
most complex kites anu I knew that the biim of the stiaw hat was too
biittle to iesist the winu The hats ciown on the othei hanu was too
ueep anu the winu woulu ciiculate insiue it making it impossible to lift
the hat off the giounu
You uont think itll fly uo you uon Juan askeu me
I know it wont I saiu
Bon Genaro was unconceineu anu finisheu attaching a long stiing to
his kitehat
It was a winuy uay Bon Genaro ian uownhill as uon Juan helu his
hat Then uon Genaro pulleu the stiing anu the uain thing actually flew
Look look at the kite uon Genaro yelleu
It bobbeu a couple of times but it iemaineu in the aii
Bont take youi eyes off the kite uon Juan saiu fiimly
Foi a moment I felt uizzy Looking at the kite I hau hau a complete
iecollection of anothei time It was as if I weie flying a kite myself as I
useu to when it was winuy in the hills of my home town
Foi a biief moment the iecollection engulfeu me anu I lost my
awaieness of the passage of time
I heaiu uon Genaro yelling something I saw the hat bobbing up anu
uown anu then falling to the giounu wheie my cai was It all took place
with such speeu that I uiu not have a cleai pictuie of what hau happeneu
I became uizzy anu absentminueu Ny minu helu on to a veiy confusing
image I eithei saw uon Genaros hat tuining into my cai oi I saw the hat
falling ovei on top of the cai I wanteu to believe the lattei that uon
Genaro hau useu his hat to point at my cai Not that it ieally matteieu
one thing was as awesome as the othei but just the same my minu
hookeu on that aibitiaiy uetail in oiuei to keep my oiiginal mental
balance
Bont fight it I heaiu uon Juan saying
I felt that something insiue me was about to suiface Thoughts anu
images came in uncontiollable waves as if I weie falling asleep I staieu at
the cai uumbfounueu It was sitting on a iocky flat aiea about a hunuieu
feet away It actually lookeu as if someone hau just placeu it theie I ian
towaius it anu began to examine it
Goddarnit uon Juan exclaimeu Bont staie at the cai Stop the
woilu
Then as in a uieam I heaiu him yelling Genaros hat Genaros hat
I lookeu at them They weie staiing at me uiiectly Theii eyes weie
pieicing I felt a pain in my stomach I hau an instantaneous heauache
anu got ill
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro lookeu at me cuiiously I sat by the cai foi
a while Then quite automatically I unlockeu the uooi anu let uon
Genaro get in the back seat Bon Juan followeu him anu sat next to him I
thought that was stiange because uon Juan usually sat in the fiont seat
I uiove my cai to uon Juans house in a soit of haze I was not myself
at all Ny stomach was veiy upset anu the feeling of nausea uemolisheu
all my sobiiety I uiove mechanically
I heaiu uon Juan anu uon Genaro in the back seat laughing anu
giggling like chiluien I heaiu uon Juan asking me Aie we getting
closei
It was at that point that I took uelibeiate notice of the ioau We weie
actually veiy close to his house
Were about to get theie I mutteieu
They howleu with laughtei They clappeu theii hanus anu slappeu
theii thighs
When we aiiiveu at the house I automatically jumpeu out of the cai
anu openeu the uooi foi them Bon Genaro steppeu out fiist anu
congiatulateu me foi what he saiu was the nicest anu smoothest iiue he
hau evei taken in his life Bon Juan saiu the same I uiu not pay much
attention to them
I lockeu my cai anu baiely maue it to the house I heaiu uon Juan anu
uon Genaro ioaiing with laughtei befoie I fell asleep
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan Stopping the Woilu
veision
to Ixtlan
Stopping the Woilu
The next uay as soon as I woke up I began asking uon Juan
questions
Be hau been cutting fiiewoou in the back of his house anu uon
Genaro was nowheie in sight
Bon Juam saiu that theie was nothing to talk about
I pointeu out that I hau succeeueu in iemaining aloof anu hau
obseiveu uon Genaros swimming on the flooi without wanting oi
uemanuing any explanation whatsoevei but my iestiaint hau not helpeu
me to unueistanu what was taking place Then aftei the uisappeaiance
of the cai I became automatically lockeu in seeking a logical explanation
but that uiu not help me eithei I tolu uon Juan that my insistence on
finuing explanations was not something that I hau aibitiaiily ueviseu
myself just to be uifficult but was something so ueeply ingiaineu in me
that it oveiiuleu eveiy othei consiueiation
Its like a uisease I saiu
Theie aie no uiseases uon Juan ieplieu calmly Theie is only
inuulging Anu you inuulge youiself in tiying to explain eveiything
Explanations aie no longei necessaiy in youi case
I insisteu that I coulu function only unuei conuitions of oiuei anu
unueistanuing I ieminueu him that I hau uiastically changeu my
peisonality uuiing the time of oui association anu that the conuition that
hau maue that change possible was that I hau been capable of explaining
to myself the ieasons foi that change
Bon Juan laugheu softly Be uiu not speak foi a long time
You aie veiy clevei he finally saiu You go back to wheie you have
always been This time you aie finisheu though You have no place to go
back to I will not explain anything to you any moie Whatevei Genaro
uiu to you yesteiuay he uiu it to youi bouy so let youi bouy ueciue
whats what
Bon Juans tone was fiienuly but unusually uetacheu anu that maue
me feel an oveiwhelming loneliness I expiesseu my feelings of sauness
Be smileu Bis fingeis gently claspeu the top of my hanu
We both aie beings who aie going to uie he saiu softly Theie is no
moie time foi what we useu to uo Now you must employ all the not
uoing I have taught you anu stop the woilu
Be claspeu my hanu again Bis touch was fiim anu fiienuly It was like
a ieassuiance that he was conceineu anu hau affection foi me anu at the
same time it gave me the impiession of an unwaveiing puipose
This is my gestuie foi you he saiu holuing the giip he hau on my
hanu foi an instant Now you must go by youiself into those fiienuly
mountains Be pointeu with his chin to the uistant iange of mountains
towaius the southeast
Be saiu that I hau to iemain theie until my bouy tolu me to quit anu
then ietuin to his house Be let me know that he uiu not want me to say
anything oi to wait any longei by shoving me gently in the uiiection of
my cai
What am I supposeu to uo theie I askeu
Be uiu not answei but lookeu at me shaking his heau
No moie of that he finally saiu
Then he pointeu his fingei to the southeast
uo theie he saiu cuttingly
I uiove south anu then east following the ioaus I hau always taken
when uiiving with uon Juan I paikeu my cai aiounu the place wheie the
uiit ioau enueu anu then I hikeu on a familiai tiail until I ieacheu a high
plateau I hau no iuea what to uo theie I began to meanuei looking foi a
iesting place
Suuuenly I became awaie of a small aiea to my left It seemeu that the
chemical composition of the soil was uiffeient on that spot yet when I
focuseu my eyes on it theie was nothing visible that woulu account foi
the uiffeience I stoou a few feet away anu tiieu to feel as uon Juan hau
always iecommenueu I shoulu uo
I stayeu motionless foi peihaps an houi Ny thoughts began to
uiminish by uegiees until I was no longei talking to myself I then hau a
sensation of annoyance The feeling seemeu to be confineu to my
stomach anu was moie acute when I faceu the spot in question I was
iepulseu by it anu felt compelleu to move away fiom it
I began scanning the aiea with ciosseu eyes anu aftei a shoit walk I
came upon a laige flat iock I stoppeu in fiont of it Theie was nothing in
paiticulai about the iock that attiacteu me I uiu not uetect any specific
coloui oi any shine on it anu yet I likeu it Ny bouy felt goou I
expeiienceu a sensation of physical comfoit anu sat uown foi a while
I meanueieu in the high plateau anu the suiiounuing mountains all
uay without knowing what to uo oi what to expect I came back to the flat
iock at uusk I knew that if I spent the night theie I woulu be safe
The next uay I ventuieu faithei east into the high mountains By late
afteinoon I came to anothei even highei plateau I thought I hau been
theie befoie I lookeu aiounu to oiient myself but I coulu not iecognize
any of the suiiounuing peaks
Aftei caiefully selecting a suitable place I sat uown to iest at the euge
of a baiien iocky aiea I felt veiy waim anu peaceful theie I tiieu to poui
out some foou fiom my gouiu but it was empty I uiank some watei It
was waim anu stale I thought that I hau nothing else to uo but to ietuin
to uon Juans house anu began to wonuei whethei oi not I shoulu stait
on my way back iight away I lay uown on my stomach anu iesteu my
heau on my aim I felt uneasy anu changeu positions vaiious times until I
founu myself facing the west
The sun was alieauy low Ny eyes weie tiieu I lookeu uown at the
giounu anu caught sight of a laige black beetle It came out fiom behinu a
small iock pushing a ball of uung twice its size I followeu its movements
foi a long time The insect seemeu unconceineu with my piesence anu
kept on pushing its loau ovei iocks ioots uepiessions anu
piotubeiances on the giounu Foi all I knew the beetle was not awaie
that I was theie The thought occuiieu to me that I coulu not possibly be
suie that the insect was not awaie of me That thought tiiggeieu a seiies
of iational evaluations about the natuie of the insects woilu as opposeu
to mine
The beetle anu I weie in the same woilu anu obviously the woilu was
not the same foi both of us I became immeiseu in watching it anu
maivelleu at the gigantic stiength it neeueu to caiiy its loau ovei iocks
anu uown cievices
I obseiveu the insect foi a long time anu then I became awaie of the
silence aiounu me 0nly the winu hisseu between the bianches anu
leaves of the chapaiial I lookeu up tuineu to my left in a quick anu
involuntaiy fashion anu caught a glimpse of a faint shauow oi a flickei
on a iock a few feet away At fiist I paiu no attention to it but then I
iealizeu that that flickei hau been to my left I tuineu again suuuenly anu
was able cleaily to peiceive a shauow on the iock I hau the weiiu
sensation that the shauow instantly sliu uown to the giounu anu the soil
absoibeu it as a blottei uiies an ink blotch
A chill ian uown my back The thought ciosseu my minu that ueath
was watching me anu the beetle
I lookeu foi the insect again but I coulu not finu it I thought that it
must have aiiiveu at its uestination anu then hau uioppeu its loau into a
hole in the giounu I put my face against a smooth iock
The beetle emeigeu fiom a ueep hole anu stoppeu a few inches away
fiom my face It seemeu to look at me anu foi a moment I felt that it
became awaie of my piesence peihaps as I was awaie of the piesence of
my ueath
I expeiienceu a shivei The beetle anu I weie not that uiffeient aftei
all Beath like a shauow was stalking both of us fiom behinu the bouluei
I hau an extiaoiuinaiy moment of elation The beetle anu I weie on a pai
Neithei of us was bettei than the othei 0ui ueath maue us equal
Ny elation anu joy weie so oveiwhelming that I began to weep Bon
Juan was iight Be hau always been iight I was living in a most
mysteiious woilu anu like eveiyone else I was a most mysteiious being
anu yet I was no moie impoitant than a beetle
I wipeu my eyes anu as I iubbeu them with the back of my hanu I
saw a man oi something which hau the shape of a man It was to my
iight about fifty yaius I sat up stiaight anu stiaineu to see The sun was
almost on the hoiizon anu its yellowish glow pieventeu me fiom getting
a cleai view I heaiu a peculiai ioai at that moment It was like the sounu
of a uistant jet plane As I focuseu my attention on it the ioai incieaseu to
a piolongeu shaip metallic whizzing anu then it softeneu until it was a
mesmeiizing melouious sounu The melouy was like the vibiation of an
electiical cuiient
The image that came to my minu was that two electiifieu spheies
weie coming togethei oi two squaie blocks of electiifieu metal weie
iubbing against each othei anu then coming to iest with a thump when
they weie peifectly levelleu with each othei
I again stiaineu to see if I coulu uistinguish the peison that seemeu to
be hiuing fiom me but I coulu only uetect a uaik shape against the
bushes I shielueu my eyes by placing my hanus above them The
biilliancy of the sunlight changeu at that moment anu then I iealizeu that
what I was seeing was only an optical illusion a play of shauows anu
foliage
I moveu my eyes away anu I saw a coyote calmly tiotting acioss the
fielu The coyote was aiounu the spot wheie I thought I hau seen the
man It moveu about fifty yaius in a southeily uiiection anu then it
stoppeu tuineu anu began walking towaius me
I yelleu a couple of times to scaie it away but it kept on coming I hau
a moment of appiehension I thought that it might be iabiu anu I even
consiueieu gatheiing some iocks to uefenu myself in case of an attack
When the animal was ten to fifteen feet away I noticeu that it was not
agitateu in any way on the contiaiy it seemeu calm anu unafiaiu It
sloweu uown its gait coming to a halt baiely foui oi five feet fiom me
We lookeu at each othei anu then the coyote came even closei
Its biown eyes weie fiienuly anu cleai I sat uown on the iocks anu
the coyote stoou almost touching me I was uumbfounueu I hau nevei
seen a wilu coyote that close anu the only thing that occuiieu to me at
that moment was to talk to it
I began as one woulu talk to a fiienuly uog Anu then I thought that
the coyote talkeu back to me I hau the absolute ceitainty that it hau saiu
something I felt confuseu but I uiu not have time to ponuei upon my
feelings because the coyote talkeu again
It was not that the animal was voicing woius the way I am
accustomeu to heaiing woius being voiceu by human beings It was
iathei a feeling that it was talking but it was not like a feeling that one
has when a pet seems to communicate with its mastei eithei
The coyote actually saiu something It ielayeu a thought anu that
communication came out in something quite similai to a sentence I hau
saiu Bow aie you little coyote
I thought I hau heaiu the animal iesponu Im all iight anu you
Then the coyote iepeateu the sentence anu I jumpeu to my feet
The animal uiu not make a single movement It was not even staitleu
by my suuuen jump Its eyes weie still fiienuly anu cleai It lay uown on
its stomach anu tilteu its heau anu askeu Why aie you afiaiu
I sat uown facing it anu I caiiieu on the weiiuest conveisation I hau
evei hau Finally it askeu me what I was uoing theie anu I saiu I hau
come theie to stop the woilu
The coyote saiu Que bueno anu then I iealizeu that it was a
bilingual coyote The nouns anu veibs of its sentences weie in English
but the conjunctions anu exclamations weie in Spanish The thought
ciosseu my minu that I was in the piesence of a Chicano coyote I began
to laugh at the absuiuity of it all anu I laugheu so haiu that I became
almost hysteiical
Then the full weight of the impossibility of what was happening
stiuck me anu my minu wobbleu The coyote stoou up anu oui eyes met I
staieu fixeuly into them I felt they weie pulling me anu suuuenly the
animal became iiiuescent It began to glow
It was as if my minu weie ieplaying the memoiy of anothei event that
hau taken place ten yeais befoie when unuei the influence of peyote I
witnesseu the metamoiphosis of an oiuinaiy uog into an unfoigettable
iiiuescent being It was as though the coyote hau tiiggeieu the
iecollection anu the memoiy of that pievious event was summoneu anu
became supeiimposeu on the coyotes shape The coyote was a fluiu
liquiu luminous being Its luminosity was uazzling
I wanteu to covei my eyes with my hanus to piotect them but I coulu
not move The luminous being toucheu me in some unuefineu pait of
myself anu my bouy expeiienceu such an exquisite inuesciibable
waimth anu wellbeing that it was as if the touch hau maue me exploue I
became tiansfixeu I coulu not feel my feet oi my legs oi any pait of my
bouy yet something was sustaining me eiect
I have no iuea how long I stayeu in that position In the meantime the
luminous coyote anu the hilltop wheie I stoou melteu away I hau no
thoughts oi feelings Eveiything hau been tuineu off anu I was floating
fieely
Suuuenly I felt that my bouy hau been stiuck anu then it became
envelopeu by something that kinuleu me I became awaie then that the
sun was shining on me I coulu vaguely uistinguish a uistant iange of
mountains towaius the west
The sun was almost ovei the hoiizon I was looking uiiectly into it
anu then I saw the lines of the woilu I actually peiceiveu the most
extiaoiuinaiy piofusion of fluoiescent white lines which ciissciosseu
eveiything aiounu me
Foi a moment I thought that I was peihaps expeiiencing sunlight as it
was being iefiacteu by my eyelashes I blinkeu anu lookeu again The
lines weie constant anu weie supeiimposeu on oi weie coming thiough
eveiything in the suiiounuings I tuineu aiounu anu examineu an
extiaoiuinaiily new woilu The lines weie visible anu steauy even if I
lookeu away fiom the sun
I stayeu on the hilltop in a state of ecstasy foi what appeaieu to be an
enuless time yet the whole event may have lasteu only a few minutes
peihaps only as long as the sun shone befoie it ieacheu the hoiizon but
to me it seemeu an enuless time
I felt something waim anu soothing oozing out of the woilu anu out
of my own bouy I knew I hau uiscoveieu a seciet It was so simple I
expeiienceu an unknown floou of feelings Nevei in my life hau I hau such
a uivine euphoiia such peace such an encompassing giasp anu yet I
coulu not put the uiscoveieu seciet into woius oi even into thoughts
but my bouy knew it
Then I eithei fell asleep oi I fainteu When I again became awaie of
myself I was lying on the iocks I stoou up The woilu was as I hau
always seen it It was getting uaik anu I automatically staiteu on my way
back to my cai
Bon Juan was alone in the house when I aiiiveu the next moining I
askeu him about uon Genaro anu he saiu that he was somewheie in the
vicinity iunning an eiianu I immeuiately began to naiiate to him the
extiaoiuinaiy expeiiences I hau hau Be listeneu with obvious inteiest
You have simply stoppeu the woilu he commenteu aftei I hau
finisheu my account
We iemaineu silent foi a moment anu then uon Juan saiu that I hau
to thank uon Genaro foi helping me Be seemeu to be unusually pleaseu
with me Be patteu my back iepeateuly anu chuckleu
But it is inconceivable that a coyote coulu talk I saiu
It wasnt talk uon Juan ieplieu
What was it then
Youi bouy unueistoou foi the fiist time But you faileu to iecognize
that it was not a coyote to begin with anu that it ceitainly was not talking
the way you anu I talk
But the coyote ieally talkeu uon Juan
Now look who is talking like an iuiot Aftei all these yeais of
leaining you shoulu know bettei Yesteiuay you stoppeu the woilu anu
you might have even seen A magical being tolu you something anu youi
bouy was capable of unueistanuing it because the woilu hau collapseu
The woilu was like it is touay uon Juan
No it wasnt Touay the coyotes uo not tell you anything anu you
cannot see the lines of the woilu Yesteiuay you uiu all that simply
because something hau stoppeu in you
What was the thing that stoppeu in me
What stoppeu insiue you yesteiuay was what people have been
telling you the woilu is like You see people tell us fiom the time we aie
boin that the woilu is such anu such anu so anu so anu natuially we
have no choice but to see the woilu the way people have been telling us it
is
We lookeu at each othei
Yesteiuay the woilu became as soiceieis tell you it is he went on
In that woilu coyotes talk anu so uo ueei as I once tolu you anu so uo
iattlesnakes anu tiees anu all othei living beings But what I want you to
leain is seeing
Peihaps you know now that seeing happens only when one sneaks
between the woilus the woilu of oiuinaiy people anu the woilu of
soiceieis You aie now smack in the miuule point between the two
Yesteiuay you believeu the coyote talkeu to you
Any soiceiei who doesnt see woulu believe the same but one who
sees knows that to believe that is to be pinneu uown in the iealm of
soiceieis By the same token not to believe that coyotes talk is to be
pinneu uown in the iealm of oiuinaiy men
Bo you mean uon Juan that neithei the woilu of oiuinaiy men noi
the woilu of soiceieis is ieal
They aie ieal woilus They coulu act upon you Foi example you
coulu have askeu that coyote about anything you wanteu to know anu it
woulu have been compelleu to give you an answei The only sau pait is
that coyotes aie not ieliable They aie tricksters It is youi fate not to
have a uepenuable animal companion
Bon Juan explaineu that the coyote was going to be my companion
foi life anu that in the woilu of soiceieis to have a coyote fiienu was not
a uesiiable state of affaiis Be saiu that it woulu have been iueal foi me to
have talkeu to a iattlesnake since they weie stupenuous companions
If it weie me he auueu I woulu nevei tiust a coyote But you aie
uiffeient anu you may even become a coyote soiceiei
What is a coyote soiceiei
0ne who uiaws a lot of things fiom his coyote biotheis
I wanteu to keep on asking questions but he maue a gestuie to stop
me
You have seen the lines of the woilu he saiu You have seen a
luminous being You aie now almost ieauy to meet the ally 0f couise you
know that the man you saw in the bushes was the ally You heaiu its ioai
like the sounu of a jet plane Bell be waiting foi you at the euge of a plain
a plain I will take you to myself
We weie quiet foi a long time Bon Juan hau his hanus claspeu ovei
his stomach Bis thumbs moveu almost impeiceptibly
Genaro will also have to go with us to that valley he saiu all of a
suuuen Be is the one who has helpeu you to stop the woilu
Bon Juan lookeu at me with pieicing eyes
I will tell you one moie thing he saiu anu laugheu It ieally uoes
mattei now Genaro nevei moveu youi cai fiom the woilu of oiuinaiy
men the othei uay Be simply foiceu you to look at the woilu like
soiceieis uo anu youi cai was not in that woilu
Genaro wanteu to soften youi ceitainty Bis clowning tolu youi
bouy about the absuiuity of tiying to unueistanu eveiything Anu when
he flew his kite you almost saw You founu youi cai anu you weie in both
woilus The ieason we neaily split oui guts laughing was because you
ieally thought you weie uiiving us back fiom wheie you thought you hau
founu youi cai
But how uiu he foice me to see the woilu as soiceieis uo
I was with him We both know that woilu 0nce one knows that
woilu all one neeus to biing it about is to use that extia iing of powei I
have tolu you soiceieis have Genaro can uo that as easily as snapping
his fingeis Be kept you busy tuining ovei iocks in oiuei to uistiact youi
thoughts anu allow youi bouy to see
I tolu him that the events of the last thiee uays hau uone some
iiiepaiable uamage to my iuea of the woilu I saiu that uuiing the ten
yeais I hau been associateu with him I hau nevei been so moveu not
even uuiing the times I hau ingesteu psychotiopic plants
Powei plants aie only an aiu uon Juan saiu The ieal thing is when
the bouy iealizes that it can see 0nly then is one capable of knowing that
the woilu we look at eveiy uay is only a uesciiption Ny intent has been
to show you that 0nfoitunately you have veiy little time left befoie the
ally tackles you
Boes the ally have to tackle me
Theie is no way to avoiu it In oiuei to see one must leain the way
soiceieis look at the woilu anu thus the ally has to be summoneu anu
once that is uone it comes
Couldnt you have taught me to see without summoning the ally
No In oiuei to see one must leain to look at the woilu in some othei
fashion anu the only othei fashion I know is the way of a soiceiei
Carlos Castaneda }ouiney to Ixtlan }ouiney to Ixtlan
veision
to Ixtlan
}ouiney to Ixtlan
Bon Genaro ietuineu aiounu noon anu at uon Juans suggestion I
uiove the thiee of us uown to the iange of mountains wheie I hau been
the uay befoie We hikeu on the same tiail I hau taken but insteau of
stopping in the high plateau as I hau uone we kept on climbing until we
ieacheu the top of the lowei iange of mountains Then we began to
uescenu into a flat valley
We stoppeu to iest on top of a high hill Bon Genaro pickeu the spot I
automatically sat uown as I have always uone in theii company with uon
Juan to my iight anu uon Genaro to my left making a tiiangle
The ueseit chapaiial hau acquiieu an exquisite moist sheen It was
biilliantly gieen aftei a shoit spiing showei
Genaro is going to tell you something uon Juan saiu to me all of a
suuuen Be is going to tell you the stoiy of his fiist encountei with his
ally Isnt that so Genaro
Theie was a tone of coaxing in uon Juans voice Bon Genaro lookeu
at me anu contiacteu his lips until his mouth lookeu like a iounu hole Be
cuileu his tongue against his palate anu openeu anu closeu his mouth as
if he weie having spasms
Bon Juan lookeu at him anu laugheu louuly I uiu not know what to
make out of it
Whats he uoing I askeu uon Juan
Bes a hen he saiu
A hen
Look look at his mouth Thats the hens ass anu it is about to lay an
egg
The spasms of uon Genaros mouth seemeu to inciease Be hau a
stiange ciazy look in his eyes Bis mouth openeu up as if the spasms
weie uilating the iounu hole Be maue a cioaking sounu in his thioat
folueu his aims ovei his chest with his hanus bent inwaiu anu then
unceiemoniously spat out some phlegm
Bain it It wasnt an egg he saiu with a conceineu look on his face
The postuie of his bouy anu the expiession on his face weie so
luuicious that I coulu not help laughing
Now that Genaro almost laiu an egg maybe he will tell you about his
fiist encountei with his ally uon Juan insisteu
Naybe uon Genaro saiu uninteiesteu
I pleaueu with him to tell me
Bon Genaro stoou up stietcheu his aims anu back Bis bones maue a
ciacking sounu Then he sat uown again
I was young when I fiist tackleu my ally he finally saiu I
iemembei that it was in the eaily afteinoon I hau been in the fielus since
uaybieak anu I was ietuining to my house
Suuuenly fiom behinu a bush the ally came out anu blockeu my way
Be hau been waiting foi me anu was inviting me to wiestle him I began
to tuin aiounu in oiuei to leave him alone but the thought came to my
minu that I was stiong enough to tackle him I was afiaiu though A chill
ian up my spine anu my neck became stiff as a boaiu By the way that is
always the sign that youre ieauy I mean when youi neck gets haiu
Be openeu up his shiit anu showeu me his back Be stiffeneu the
muscles of his neck back anu aims I noticeu the supeib quality of his
musculatuie It was as if the memoiy of the encountei hau activateu
eveiy muscle in his toiso
In such a situation he continueu you must always close youi
mouth
Be tuineu to uon Juan anu saiu Isnt that so
Yes uon Juan saiu calmly The jolt that one gets fiom giabbing an
ally is so gieat that one might bite off ones tongue oi knock ones teeth
out 0nes bouy must be stiaight anu wellgiounueu anu the feet must
giab the giounu
Bon Genaro stoou up anu showeu me the piopei position his bouy
slightly bent at the knees his aims hanging at his siues with the fingeis
cuileu gently Be seemeu ielaxeu anu yet fiimly set on the giounu Be
iemaineu in that position foi an instant anu when I thought he was going
to sit uown he suuuenly lungeu foiwaiu in one stupenuous leap as if he
hau spiings attacheu to his heels
Bis movement was so suuuen that I fell uown on my back but as I fell
I hau the cleai impiession that uon Genaro hau giabbeu a man oi
something which hau the shape of a man
I sat up again Bon Genaro was still maintaining a tiemenuous
tension all ovei his bouy Then he ielaxeu his muscles abiuptly anu went
back to wheie he hau been sitting befoie anu sat uown
Carlos just saw youi ally iight now uon Juan iemaikeu casually
but hes still weak anu fell uown
Biu you uon Genaro askeu in a naive tone anu enlaigeu his
nostiils
Bon Juan assuieu him that I hau seen it
Bon Genaro leapeu foiwaiu again with such a foice that I fell on my
siue Be executeu his jump so fast that I ieally coulu not tell how he hau
spiung to his feet fiom a sitting position in oiuei to lunge foiwaiu
Both of them laugheu louuly anu then uon Genaro changeu his
laughtei into a howling inuistinguishable fiom a coyotes
Bont think that you have to jump as well as Genaro in oiuei to giab
youi ally uon Juan saiu in a cautioning tone Genaro jumps so well
because he has his ally to help him All you have to uo is to be fiimly
giounueu in oiuei to sustain the impact You have to stanu just like
Genaro uiu befoie he jumpeu then you have to leap foiwaiu anu giab
the ally
Bes got to kiss his meuallion fiist uon Genaro inteijecteu
Bon Juan with feigneu seveiity saiu that I hau no meuallions
What about his notebooks uon Genaro insisteu Bes got to uo
something with his notebooks put them uown somewheie befoie he
jumps oi maybe hell use his notebooks to beat the ally
Ill be uaineu uon Juan saiu with seemingly genuine suipiise I
have nevei thought of that I bet itll be the fiist time an ally is beaten
uown to the giounu with notebooks
When uon Juans laughtei anu uon Genaros coyote howlings
subsiueu we weie all in a veiy fine moou
What happeneu when you giabbeu youi ally uon Genaro I askeu
It was a poweiful jolt uon Genaro saiu aftei a moments hesitation
Be seemeu to have been putting his thoughts in oiuei
Nevei woulu I have imagineu it was going to be like that he went
on It was something something something like nothing I can tell
Aftei I giabbeu it we began to spin The ally maue me twiil but I didnt
let go We spun thiough the aii with such speeu anu foice that I couldnt
see any moie Eveiything was foggy The spinning went on anu on anu
on
Suuuenly I felt that I was stanuing on the giounu again I lookeu at
myself The ally hau not killeu me I was in one piece I was myself I knew
then that I hau succeeueu At long last I hau an ally I jumpeu up anu
uown with uelight What a feeling What a feeling it was
Then I lookeu aiounu to finu out wheie I was The suiiounuings
weie unknown to me I thought that the ally must have taken me thiough
the aii anu uumpeu me somewheie veiy fai fiom the place wheie we
staiteu to spin
I oiienteu myself I thought that my home must be towaius the east
so I began to walk in that uiiection It was still eaily The encountei with
the ally hau not taken too long
veiy soon I founu a tiail anu then I saw a bunch of men anu women
coming towaius me They weie Inuians I thought they weie Mazatec
Inuians They suiiounueu me anu askeu me wheie I was going Im going
home to Ixtlan I saiu to them Aie you lost someone askeu I am I
saiu Why Because Ixtlan is not that way Ixtlan is in the opposite
uiiection We ouiselves aie going theie someone else saiu }oin us they
all saiu We have foou
Bon Genaro stoppeu talking anu lookeu at me as if he weie waiting
foi me to ask a question
Well what happeneu I askeu Biu you join them
No I didnt he saiu Because they weie not ieal I knew it iight
away the minute they came to me Theie was something in theii voices
in theii fiienuliness that gave them away especially when they askeu me
to join them So I ian away They calleu me anu beggeu me to come back
Theii pleas became haunting but I kept on iunning away fiom them
Who weie they I askeu
People uon Genaro ieplieu cuttingly Except that they weie not
ieal
They weie like appaiitions appaiition a ghostly appeaiing
figuie uon Juan explaineu Like phantoms
Aftei walking foi a while uon Genaro went on I became moie
confiuent I knew that Ixtlan was in the uiiection I was going Anu then I
saw two men coming uown the tiail towaius me They also seemeu to be
Mazatec Inuians They hau a uonkey loaueu with fiiewoou They went by
me anu mumbleu uoou afteinoon
uoou afteinoon I saiu anu kept on walking They uiu not pay any
attention to me anu went theii way I sloweu uown my gait anu casually
tuineu aiounu to look at them They weie walking away unconceineu
with me They seemeu to be ieal I ian aftei them anu yelleu Wait wait
They helu theii uonkey anu stoou on eithei siue of the animal as if
they weie piotecting the loau
I am lost in these mountains I saiu to them Which way is Ixtlan
They pointeu in the uiiection they weie going Youre veiy fai one of
them saiu It is on the othei siue of those mountains Itll take you foui oi
five uays to get theie Then they tuineu aiounu anu kept on walking I
felt that those weie ieal Inuians anu I beggeu them to let me join them
We walkeu togethei foi a while anu then one of them got his bunule
of foou anu offeieu me some I fioze on the spot Theie was something
teiiibly stiange in the way he offeieu me his foou Ny bouy felt
fiighteneu so I jumpeu back anu began to iun away They both saiu that I
woulu uie in the mountains if I uiu not go with them anu tiieu to coax me
to join them Theii pleas weie also veiy haunting but I ian away fiom
them with all my might
I kept on walking I knew then that I was on the iight way to Ixtlan
anu that those phantoms weie tiying to luie me out of my way
I encounteieu eight of them They must have known that my
ueteimination was unshakeable They stoou by the ioau anu lookeu at
me with pleauing eyes Nost of them uiu not say a woiu The women
among them howevei weie moie uaiing anu pleaueu with me Some of
them even uisplayeu foou anu othei goous that they weie supposeu to be
selling like innocent meichants by the siue of the ioau I uiu not stop noi
uiu I look at them
By late afteinoon I came to a valley that I seemeu to iecognize It was
somehow familiai I thought I hau been theie befoie but if that was so I
was actually south of Ixtlan
I began to look foi lanumaiks to piopeily oiient myself anu coiiect
my ioute when I saw a little Inuian boy tenuing some goats Be was
peihaps seven yeais olu anu was uiesseu the way I hau been when I was
his age In fact he ieminueu me of myself tenuing my fatheis two goats
I watcheu him foi some time The boy was talking to himself the
same way I useu to then he woulu talk to his goats Fiom what I knew
about tenuing goats he was ieally goou at it Be was thoiough anu
caieful Be didnt pampei his goats but he wasnt ciuel to them eithei
I ueciueu to call him When I talkeu to him in a louu voice he jumpeu
up anu ian away to a leuge anu peekeu at me fiom behinu some iocks
Be seemeu to be ieauy to iun foi his life I likeu him Be seemeu to be
afiaiu anu yet he still founu time to heiu his goats out of my sight
I talkeu to him foi a long time I saiu that I was lost anu that I uiu not
know my way to Ixtlan I askeu the name of the place wheie we weie anu
he saiu it was the place I hau thought it was
That maue me veiy happy I iealizeu I was no longei lost anu
ponueieu on the powei that my ally hau in oiuei to tianspoit my whole
bouy that fai in less time than it takes to bat an eyelash
I thankeu the boy anu began to walk away Be casually came out of
his hiuing place anu heiueu his goats into an almost unnoticeable tiail
The tiail seemeu to leau uown into the valley I calleu the boy anu he uiu
not iun away I walkeu towaius him anu he jumpeu into the bushes when
I came too close I commenueu him on being so cautious anu began to ask
him some questions
Wheie uoes this tiail leau I askeu
Bown he saiu
Wheie uo you live
Bown theie
Aie theie lots of houses uown theie
No just one
Wheie aie the othei houses
The boy pointeu towaius the othei siue of the valley with
inuiffeience the way boys his age uo Then he began to go uown the tiail
with his goats
Wait I saiu to the boy Im veiy tiieu anu hungiy Take me to youi
folks
I have no folks the little boy saiu anu that jolteu me I uont know
why but his voice maue me hesitate The boy noticing my hesitation
stoppeu anu tuineu to me Theies nobouy at my house he saiu Ny
uncle is gone anu his wife went to the fielus Theie is plenty of foou
Plenty Come with me
I almost felt sau The boy was also a phantom The tone of his voice
anu his eageiness hau betiayeu him The phantoms weie out theie to get
me but I wasnt afiaiu I was still numb fiom my encountei with the ally
I wanteu to get mau at the ally oi at the phantoms but somehow I
couldnt get angiy like I useu to so I gave up tiying Then I wanteu to get
sau because I hau likeu that little boy but I couldnt so I gave up on that
too
Suuuenly I iealizeu that I hau an ally anu that theie was nothing that
the phantoms coulu uo to me I followeu the boy uown the tiail 0thei
phantoms luicheu out swiftly anu tiieu to make me tiip ovei the
piecipices but my will was stiongei than they weie They must have
senseu that because they stoppeu pesteiing me Aftei a while they
simply stoou by my path Fiom time to time some of them woulu leap
towaius me but I stoppeu them with my will Anu then they quit
botheiing me altogethei
Bon Genaro iemaineu quiet foi a long time
Bon Juan lookeu at me
What happeneu aftei that uon Genaro I askeu
I kept on walking he saiu factually
It seemeu that he hau finisheu his tale anu theie was nothing he
wanteu to auu
I askeu him why was the fact that they offeieu him foou a clue to theii
being phantoms
Be uiu not answei I piobeu fuithei anu askeu whethei it was a
custom among Mazatec Inuians to ueny that they hau any foou oi to be
heavily conceineu with matteis of foou
Be saiu that the tone of theii voices theii eageiness to luie him out
anu the mannei in which the phantoms talkeu about foou weie the clues
anu that he knew that because his ally was helping him Be asseiteu that
by himself alone he woulu have nevei noticeu those peculiaiities
Weie those phantoms allies uon Genaro I askeu
No They weie people
People But you saiu they weie phantoms
I saiu that they weie no longei ieal Aftei my encountei with the ally
nothing was ieal any moie
We weie quiet foi a long time
What was the final outcome of that expeiience uon Genaro I
askeu
Final outcome
I mean when anu how uiu you finally ieach Ixtlan
Both of them bioke into laughtei at once
So thats the final outcome foi you uon Juan iemaikeu Lets put it
this way then Theie was no final outcome to Genaros jouiney Theie
will nevei be any final outcome Genaro is still on his way to Ixtlan
Bon Genaro glanceu at me with pieicing eyes anu then tuineu his
heau to look into the uistance towaius the south
I will nevei ieach Ixtlan he saiu
Bis voice was fiim but soft almost a muimui
Yet in my feelings in my feelings sometimes I think Im just one
step fiom ieaching it Yet I nevei will In my jouiney I uont even finu the
familiai lanumaiks I useu to know Nothing is any longei the same
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro lookeu at each othei Theie was
something so sau about theii look
In my jouiney to Ixtlan I finu only phantom tiavelleis he saiu
softly
I lookeu at uon Juan I hau not unueistoou what uon Genaro hau
meant
Eveiyone Genaro finus on his way to Ixtlan is only an ephemeial
ephemeial shoit liveu lasting a veiy shoit time being uon Juan
explaineu Take you foi instance You aie a phantom Youi feelings anu
youi eageiness aie those of people Thats why he says that he
encounteis only phantom tiavelleis on his jouiney to Ixtlan
I suuuenly iealizeu that uon Genaros jouiney was a metaphoi
Youi jouiney to Ixtlan is not ieal then I saiu
It is ieal uon Genaro inteijecteu The tiavelleis aie not ieal
Be pointeu to uon Juan with a nou of his heau anu saiu emphatically
This is the only one who is ieal The woilu is ieal only when I am with
this one
Bon Juan smileu
Genaro was telling his stoiy to you uon Juan saiu because
yesteiuay you stoppeu the woilu anu he thinks that you also saw but
you aie such a fool that you uont know it youiself I keep on telling him
that you aie weiiu anu that soonei oi latei you will see
At any iate in youi next meeting with the ally if theie is a next time
foi you you will have to wiestle with it anu tame it If you suivive the
shock which Im suie you will since youre stiong anu have been living
like a waiiioi you will finu youiself alive in an unknown lanu
Then as is natuial to all of us the fiist thing you will want to uo is to
stait on youi way back to Los Angeles But theie is no way to go back to
Los Angeles What you left theie is lost foievei By then of couise you
will be a soiceiei but thats no help At a time like that whats impoitant
to all of us is the fact that eveiything we love oi hate oi wish foi has been
left behinu
Yet the feelings in a man uo not uie oi change anu the soiceiei
staits on his way back home knowing that he will nevei ieach it knowing
that no powei on eaith not even his ueath will uelivei him to the place
the things the people he loveu Thats what Genaro tolu you
Bon Juans explanation was like a catalyst catalyst something that
causes an impoitant event to happen the full impact of uon Genaros
stoiy hit me suuuenly when I began to link the tale to my own life
What about the people I love I askeu uon Juan What woulu
happen to them
They woulu all be left behinu he saiu
But is theie no way I coulu ietiieve them Coulu I iescue them anu
take them with me
No Youi ally will spin you alone into unknown woilus
But I coulu go back to Los Angeles couldnt I I coulu take the bus
oi a plane anu go theie Los Angeles woulu still be theie wouldnt it
Suie uon Juan saiu laughing Anu so will Manteca anu Temecula
anu Tucson
Anu Tecate uon Genaro auueu with gieat seiiousness
Anu Piedras Negras anu Tranquitas uon Juan saiu smiling
Bon Genaro auueu moie names anu so uiu uon Juan anu they
became involveu in enumeiating a seiies of the most hilaiious anu
unbelievable names of cities anu towns
Spinning with youi ally will change youi iuea of the woilu uon
Juan saiu That iuea is eveiything anu when that changes the woilu
itself changes
Be ieminueu me that I hau ieau a poem to him once anu wanteu me
to iecite it Be cueu me with a few woius of it anu I iecalleu having ieau
to him some poems of Juan Ramon Jimenez The paiticulai one he hau
in minu was entitleu El Viaje Definitivo The Befinitive }ouiney
I ieciteu it
anu I will leave But the biius will stay singing
anu my gaiuen will stay with its gieen tiee
with its watei well
Nany afteinoons the skies will be blue anu placiu
anu the bells in the belfiy will chime
as they aie chiming this veiy afteinoon
The people who have loveu me will pass away
anu the town will buist anew eveiy yeai
But my spiiit will always wanuei nostalgic
in the same ieconuite coinei of my floweiy gaiuen
That is the feeling Genaro is talking about uon Juan saiu In oiuei
to be a soiceiei a man must be passionate A passionate man has eaithly
belongings anu things ueai to him if nothing else just the path wheie he
walks
What Genaro tolu you in his stoiy is piecisely that Genaro left his
passion in Ixtlan his home his people all the things he caieu foi Anu
now he wanueis aiounu in his feelings anu sometimes as he says he
almost ieaches Ixtlan All of us have that in common Foi Genaro it is
Ixtlan foi you it will be Los Angeles foi me
I uiu not want uon Juan to tell me about himself Be pauseu as if he
hau ieau my minu
Genaro sigheu anu paiaphiaseu the fiist lines of the poem
I left Anu the biius stayeu singing
Foi an instant I senseu a wave of agony anu an inuesciibable
loneliness engulfing the thiee of us I lookeu at uon Genaro anu I knew
that being a passionate man he must have hau so many ties of the heait
so many things he caieu foi anu left behinu I hau the cleai sensation that
at that moment the powei of his iecollection was about to lanusliue anu
that uon Genaro was on the veige of weeping
I huiiieuly moveu my eyes away Bon Genaros passion his supieme
loneliness maue me ciy
I lookeu at uon Juan Be was gazing at me
0nly as a waiiioi can one suivive the path of knowleuge he saiu
Because the ait of a waiiioi is to balance the teiioi of being a man with
the wonuei of being a man
I gazeu at the two of them each in tuin Theii eyes weie cleai anu
peaceful They hau summoneu a wave of oveiwhelming nostalgia anu
when they seemeu to be on the veige of explouing into passionate teais
they helu back the tiual wave Foi an instant I think I saw I saw the
loneliness of man as a gigantic wave which hau been fiozen in fiont of
me helu back by the invisible wall of a metaphoi
Ny sauness was so oveiwhelming that I felt euphoiic I embiaceu
them
Bon Genaro smileu anu stoou up Bon Juan also stoou up anu gently
put his hanu on my shouluei
We aie going to leave you heie he saiu Bo what you think is
piopei The ally will be waiting foi you at the euge of that plain
Be pointeu to a uaik valley in the uistance
If you uont feel that this is youi time yet uont keep youi
appointment he went on Nothing is gaineu by foicing the issue If you
want to suivive you must be ciystal cleai anu ueauly suie of youiself
Bon Juan walkeu away without looking at me but uon Genaro
tuineu a couple of times anu uigeu me with a wink anu a movement of
his heau to go foiwaiu I lookeu at them until they uisappeaieu in the
uistance anu then I walkeu to my cai anu uiove away I knew that it was
not my time yet
TBE ENB
HTML EBIT0R
HTML EBIT0R Carlos Castanedas next book his fouith Tales 0f
Powei continues wheie this book leaves off
ENB HTML EBIT0R
}ouiney to Ixtlan Copyiight by Carlos Castaneda The
Enu
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Book Stait
veision
Tales of Powei by Carlos Castaneda
The conuitions of a solitaiy biiu aie five
The fiist that it flies to the highest point
the seconu that it uoes not suffei foi company
not even of its own kinu
the thiiu that it aims its beak to the skies
the fouith that it uoes not have a uefinite coloi
the fifth that it sings veiy softly
San Juan de la Cruz Dichos de Luz y Amor
Contents
Pait 0ne A Witness to Acts of Powei o An Appointment with
Knowleuge o The Bieamei anu the Bieameu o The Seciet of the
Luminous Beings
Pait Two The Tonal anu the Nagual o Baving to Believe o The
Islanu of the Tonal o The Bay of the Tonal o Shiinking the Tonal o In
Naguals Time o The Whispeiing of the Nagual o The Wings of
Peiception
Pait Thiee The Soiceieis Explaination o Thiee Witnesses to the
Nagual o The Stiategy of a Soiceiei o The Bubble of Peiception o The
Pieuilection of Two Waiiiois
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait 0ne An Appointment with
Knowleuge
veision
Tales of Powei by Carlos Castaneda Pait 0ne A Witness to
Acts of Powei
An Appointment with Knowleuge
I hau not seen uon Juan foi seveial months It was the autumn of
I hau the ceitainty that he was at uon Genaros house in cential
Nexico anu I maue the necessaiy piepaiations foi a six oi sevenuay
uiive to visit him 0n the seconu uay of my jouiney howevei on an
impulse I stoppeu at uon Juans place in Sonora in the midafternoon I
paikeu my cai anu walkeu a shoit uistance to the house To my suipiise
I founu him theie
Bon Juan I didnt expect to finu you heie I saiu
Be laugheu Ny suipiise seemeu to uelight him Be was sitting on an
empty milk ciate by the fiont uooi Be appeaieu to have been waiting foi
me Theie was an aii of accomplishment in the ease with which he
gieeteu me Be took off his hat anu flouiisheu it in a comical gestuie
Then he put it on again anu gave me a militaiy salute Be was leaning
against the wall sitting on the ciate as if it weie a sauule
Sit uown sit uown he saiu in a jovial tone uoou to see you again
I was going to go all the way to cential Nexico foi nothing I saiu
Anu then I wouluve hau to uiive back to Los Angeles Finuing you heie
has saveu me uays anu uays of uiiving
Somehow you wouluve founu me he saiu in a mysteiious tone
but lets say that you owe me the six uays that you wouluve neeueu to
get theie uays which you shoulu use in uoing something moie
inteiesting than piessing uown on the gas peual of youi cai
Theie was something engaging in uon Juans smile Bis waimth was
contagious
Wheies youi wiiting geai he askeu
I tolu him that I hau left it in the cai Be saiu that I lookeu unnatuial
without it anu maue me go back anu get it
I have finisheu wiiting a book I saiu
Be gave me a long stiange look that piouuceu an itching in the pit of
my stomach It was as if he weie pushing my miuule section with a soft
object I felt like I was going to get ill but then he tuineu his heau to the
siue anu I iegaineu my oiiginal feeling of wellbeing
I wanteu to talk about my book but he maue a gestuie that inuicateu
that he uiu not want me to say anything about it Be smileu Bis moou
was light anu chaiming anu he immeuiately engageu me in a casual
conveisation about people anu cuiient events
Finally I manageu to steei the conveisation onto the topic of my
inteiest I began by mentioning that I hau ievieweu my eaily notes anu
hau iealizeu that he hau been giving me a uetaileu uesciiption of the
soiceieis woilu fiom the beginning of oui association In light of what
he hau saiu to me in those stages I hau begun to question the iole of
hallucinogenic plants
Why uiu you make me take those powei plants so many times I
askeu
Be laugheu anu mumbleu veiy softly Cause youre uumb
I heaiu him the fiist time but I wanteu to make suie anu pietenueu I
hau not unueistoou
I beg youi paiuon I askeu
You know what I saiu he ieplieu anu stoou up
Be tappeu me on the heau as he walkeu by me
Youre iathei slow he saiu Anu theie was no othei way to jolt
you
So none of that was absolutely necessaiy I askeu
It was in youi case Theie aie othei types of people howevei that uo
not seem to neeu them
Be stoou next to me staiing at the top of the bushes by the left siue of
his house Then he sat uown again anu talkeu about Eligio his othei
appientice Be saiu that Eligio hau taken psychotiopic plants only once
since he became his appientice anu yet he was peihaps even moie
auvanceu than I was
To be sensitive is a natuial conuition of ceitain people he saiu You
aie not But neithei am I In the final analysis sensitivity matteis veiy
little
Whats the thing that matteis then I askeu
Be seemeu to seaich foi an appiopiiate answei
What matteis is that a waiiioi be impeccable he finally saiu But
thats only a way of talking a way of beating aiounu the bush You have
alieauy accomplisheu some tasks of soiceiy anu I believe this is the time
to mention the souice of eveiything that matteis So I will say that what
matteis to a waiiioi is aiiiving at the totality of oneself
What is the totality of oneself uon Juan
I saiu that I was only going to mention it Theie aie still a lot of loose
enus in youi life that you must tie togethei befoie we can talk about the
totality of oneself
Be enueu oui conveisation theie Be maue a gestuie with his hanus
to signal that he wanteu me to stop talking Appaiently theie was
something oi somebouy neaiby Be tilteu his heau to the left as if to
listen I coulu see the whites of his eyes as he focuseu on the bushes
beyonu the house to his left Be listeneu attentively foi a few moments
anu then stoou up Be came to me anu whispeieu in my eai that we hau
to leave the house anu go foi a walk
Is theie something wiong I askeu also in a whispei
No Nothing is wiong he saiu Eveiything is iathei iight
Be leu me into the ueseit chapaiial We walkeu foi peihaps half an
houi anu then came to a small ciiculai aiea fiee fiom vegetation a spot
about twelve feet in uiametei wheie the ieuuish uiit was packeu anu
peifectly flat Theie weie no signs howevei that machineiy hau cleaieu
anu flatteneu the aiea Bon Juan sat uown in the centei of it facing the
southeast Be pointeu to a place about five feet away fiom him anu askeu
me to sit theie facing him
What aie we going to uo heie I askeu
We have an appointment heie tonight he ieplieu
Be scanneu the suiiounuings with a quick glance tuining aiounu on
his seat until he was again facing the southeast
Bis movements hau alaimeu me I askeu him who we hau the
appointment with
With knowleuge he saiu Lets say that knowleuge is piowling
aiounu heie
Be uiu not let me hook on to that ciyptic answei Be quickly changeu
the subject In a jovial tone he uigeu me to be natuial that is to take
notes anu talk as we woulu have uone at his house
What was most piessing on my minu at that time was the viviu
sensation I hau hau six months befoie of talking to a coyote That event
meant to me that foi the fiist time I hau been capable of visualizing oi
appiehenuing thiough my senses anu in sobei consciousness the
soiceieis uesciiption of the woilu a uesciiption in which
communicating with animals thiough speech was a mattei of couise
Were not going to engage ouiselves in uwelling on any expeiience
of that natuie uon Juan saiu upon heaiing my question It is not
auvisable foi you to inuulge in focusing youi attention on past events We
may touch on them but only in iefeience
You uont have enough peisonal powei yet to seek the soiceieis
explanation
Then theie is a soiceieis explanation
Ceitainly Soiceieis aie men Were cieatuies of thought We seek
claiifications
I was unuei the impiession that my gieat flaw was to seek
explanations
No Youi flaw is to seek convenient explanations explanations that
fit you anu youi woilu What I object to is youi ieasonableness A
soiceiei explains things in his woilu too but hes not as stiff as you
Bow can I aiiive at the soiceieis explanation
By accumulating peisonal powei Peisonal powei will make you
sliue with gieat ease into the soiceieis explanation The explanation is
not what you woulu call an explanation Neveitheless it makes the woilu
anu its mysteiies if not cleai at least less awesome That shoulu be the
essence of an explanation But that is not what you seek Youre aftei the
ieflection of youi iueas
I lost my momentum to ask questions But his smile uigeu me to keep
on talking Anothei issue of gieat impoitance to me was his fiienu uon
Genaro anu the extiaoiuinaiy effect that his actions hau hau on me
Eveiy time I hau come into contact with him I hau expeiienceu the most
outlanuish sensoiy uistoitions
Bon Juan laugheu when I voiceu my question
Genaro is stupenuous he saiu But foi the time being theie is no
sense in talking about him oi about what he uoes to you Again you uont
have enough peisonal powei to uniavel that topic Wait until you have it
then we will talk
What if I nevei have it
If you nevei have it well nevei talk
At the iate Im going will I evei have enough of it I askeu
Thats up to you he ieplieu I have given you all the infoimation
necessaiy Now its youi iesponsibility to gain enough peisonal powei to
tip the scales
Youre talking in metaphois I saiu uive it to me stiaight Tell me
exactly what I shoulu uo If you have alieauy tolu me lets say that Ive
foigotten it
Bon Juan chuckleu anu lay uown putting his aims behinu his heau
You know exactly what you neeu he saiu
I tolu him that sometimes I thought I knew hut that most of the time I
hau no selfconfiuence
Im afiaiu that you aie confusing issues he saiu The self
confiuence of the waiiioi is not the selfconfiuence of the aveiage man
The aveiage man seeks ceitainty in the eyes of the onlookei anu calls
that selfconfiuence The waiiioi seeks impeccability in his own eyes anu
calls that humbleness The aveiage man is hookeu to his fellow men
while the waiiioi is hookeu only to himself
Peihaps you aie chasing iainbows Youre aftei the selfconfiuence
of the aveiage man when you shoulu be aftei the humbleness of a
waiiioi The uiffeience between the two is iemaikable Selfconfiuence
entails knowing something foi suie humbleness entails being
impeccable in ones actions anu feelings
Ive been tiying to live in accoiuance with youi suggestions I saiu
I may not be the best but Im the best of myself Is that impeccability
No You must uo bettei than that You must push youiself beyonu
youi limits all the time
But that woulu be insane uon Juan No one can uo that
Theie aie lots of things that you uo now which woulu have seemeu
insane to you ten yeais ago Those things themselves uiu not change but
youi iuea of youiself changeu What was impossible befoie is peifectly
possible now anu peihaps youi total success in changing youiself is only
a mattei of time
In this affaii the only possible couise that a waiiioi has is to act
consistently anu without ieseivations You know enough of the waiiiois
way to act accoiuingly but youi olu habits anu ioutines stanu in youi
way
I unueistoou what he meant
Bo you think that wiiting is one of the olu habits I shoulu change I
askeu Shoulu I uestioy my new manusciipt
Be uiu not answei Be stoou up anu tuineu to look at the euge of the
chapaiial
I tolu him that I hau ieceiveu letteis fiom vaiious people telling me
that it was wiong to wiite about my appienticeship They hau citeu as a
pieceuent that the masteis of Eastein esoteiic uoctiines uemanueu
absolute seciecy about theii teachings
Peihaps those masteis aie just inuulging in being masteis uon
Juan saiu without looking at me Im not a mastei Im only a waiiioi so
I ieally uont know what a mastei feels like
But maybe Im ievealing things I shouldnt uon Juan
It doesnt mattei what one ieveals oi what one keeps to oneself he
saiu Eveiything we uo eveiything we aie iests on oui peisonal powei
If we have enough of it one woiu utteieu to us might be sufficient to
change the couise of oui lives But if we uont have enough peisonal
powei the most magnificent piece of wisuom can be ievealeu to us anu
that ievelation wont make a uamn bit of uiffeience
Be then loweieu his voice as if he weie uisclosing a confiuential
mattei to me
Im going to uttei peihaps the gieatest piece of knowleuge anyone
can voice he saiu Let me see what you can uo with it
Bo you know that at this veiy moment you aie suiiounueu by
eteinity Anu uo you know that you can use that eteinity if you so
uesiie
Aftei a long pause uuiing which he uigeu me with a subtle
movement of his eyes to make a statement I saiu that I uiu not
unueistanu what he was talking about
Theie Eteinity is theie he saiu pointing to the hoiizon
Then he pointeu to the zenith 0i theie oi peihaps we can say that
eteinity is like this Be extenueu both aims to point to the east anu west
We lookeu at each othei Bis eyes helu a question
What uo you say to that he askeu coaxing me to ponuei upon his
woius
I uiu not know what to say
Bo you know that you can extenu youiself foievei in any of the
uiiections I have pointeu to he went on Bo you know that one
moment can be eteinity This is not a iiuule its a fact but only if you
mount that moment anu use it to take the totality of youiself foievei in
any uiiection
Be staieu at me
You didnt have this knowleuge befoie he saiu smiling Now you
uo I have ievealeu it to you But it doesnt make a bit of uiffeience
because you uont have enough peisonal powei to utilize my ievelation
Yet if you uiu have enough powei my woius alone woulu seive as
the means foi you to iounu up the totality of youiself anu get the ciucial
pait of it out of the bounuaiies in which it is containeu
Be came to my siue anu pokeu my chest with his fingeis It was a veiy
light tap
These aie the bounuaiies Im talking about he saiu 0ne can get
out of them We aie a feeling an awaieness encaseu heie
Be slappeu my shoulueis with both hanus Ny pau anu pencil fell to
the giounu Bon Juan put his foot on the pau anu staieu at me anu then
laugheu
I askeu him if he minueu my taking notes Be saiu no in a ieassuiing
tone anu moveu his foot away
We aie luminous beings he saiu shaking his heau ihythmically
Anu foi a luminous being only peisonal powei matteis But if you ask
me what peisonal powei is I have to tell you that my explanation will not
explain it
Bon Juan lookeu at the westein hoiizon anu saiu that theie weie still
a few houis of uaylight left
We have to be heie foi a long time he explaineu So we eithei sit
quietly oi we talk It is not natuial foi you to be silent so lets keep on
talking This spot is a powei place anu it must become useu to us befoie
nightfall You must sit heie as natuially as possible without feai oi
impatience It seems that the easiest way foi you to ielax is to take notes
so wiite to youi heaits content
Anu now suppose you tell me about youi uieaming
Bis suuuen shift caught me unpiepaieu Be iepeateu his iequest
Theie was a gieat ueal to say about it Bieaming entaileu cultivating a
peculiai contiol ovei ones uieams to the extent that the expeiiences
unueigone in them anu those liveu in ones waking houis acquiieu the
same piagmatic piagmatic guiueu by piactical expeiience anu
obseivation iathei than theoiy valence The soiceieis allegation was
that unuei the impact of uieaming the oiuinaiy ciiteiia ciiteiia
iefeience points against which othei things can be evaluateu to
uiffeientiate a uieam fiom ieality become inopeiative
Bon Juans piaxis piaxis tianslating an iuea into action of
uieaming was an exeicise that consisteu of finuing ones hanus in a
uieam In othei woius one hau to uelibeiately uieam that one was
looking foi anu coulu finu ones hanus in a uieam by simply uieaming
that one lifteu ones hanus to the level of the eyes
Aftei yeais of unsuccessful attempts I hau finally accomplisheu the
task Looking at it in ietiospect it hau become eviuent to me that I hau
succeeueu only aftei I hau gaineu a uegiee of contiol ovei the woilu of
my eveiyuay life
Bon Juan wanteu to know the salient points I began telling him that
the uifficulty of setting up the commanu to look at my hanus seemeu to
be quite often insuimountable Be hau waineu me that the eaily stage of
the piepaiatoiy facet which he calleu setting up uieaming consisteu of
a ueauly game that ones minu playeu with itself anu that some pait of
myself was going to uo eveiything it coulu to pievent the fulfillment of
my task That coulu incluue uon Juan hau saiu plunging me into a loss of
meaning melancholy oi even a suiciual uepiession
I uiu not go that fai howevei Ny expeiience was iathei on the light
comical siue Nonetheless the iesult was equally fiustiating Eveiy time I
was about to look at my hanus in a uieam something extiaoiuinaiy
woulu happen I woulu begin to fly oi my uieam woulu tuin into a
nightmaie oi it woulu simply become a veiy pleasant expeiience of
bouily excitation Eveiything in the uieam woulu extenu fai beyonu the
noimal in matteis of viviuness anu theiefoie be teiiibly absoibing Ny
oiiginal intention of obseiving my hanus was always foigotten in light of
the new situation
0ne night quite unexpecteuly I founu my hanus in my uieams I
uieamt that I was walking on an unknown stieet in a foieign city anu
suuuenly I lifteu up my hanus anu placeu them in fiont of my face It was
as if something within myself hau given up anu hau peimitteu me to
watch the backs of my hanus
Bon Juans instiuctions hau been that as soon as the sight of my
hanus woulu begin to uissolve oi change into something else I hau to
shift my view fiom my hanus to any othei element in the suiiounuings of
my uieam In that paiticulai uieam I shifteu my view to a builuing at the
enu of the stieet When the sight of the builuing began to uissipate I
focuseu my attention on the othei elements of the suiiounuings in my
uieam The enu iesult was an incieuibly cleai composite pictuie of a
ueseiteu stieet in some unknown foieign city
Bon Juan maue me continue with my account of othei expeiiences in
uieaming We talkeu foi a long time
At the enu of my iepoit Bon Juan stoou up anu went to the bushes I
also stoou up I was neivous It was an unwaiianteu sensation since
theie was nothing piecipitating feai oi concein Bon Juan ietuineu
shoitly Be noticeu my agitation
Calm uown he saiu holuing my aim gently
Be maue me sit uown anu put my notebook on my lap Be coaxeu me
to wiite Bis aigument was that I shoulu not uistuib the powei place with
unnecessaiy feelings of feai oi hesitation
Why uo I get so neivous I askeu
Its natuial he saiu Something in you is thieateneu by youi
activities in uieaming As long as you uiu not think about those activities
you weie all iight But now that you have ievealeu youi actions youre
about to faint
Each waiiioi has his own way of uieaming Each way is uiffeient
The only thing which we all have in common is that we play tiicks in
oiuei to foice ouiselves to abanuon the quest The counteimeasuie is to
peisist in spite of all the baiiieis anu uisappointments
Be askeu me then if I was capable of selecting topics foi uieaming I
saiu that I uiu not have the faintest iuea of how to uo that
The soiceieis explanation of how to select a topic foi uieaming he
saiu is that a waiiioi chooses the topic by uelibeiately holuing an image
in his minu while he shuts off his inteinal uialogue In othei woius if he
is capable of not talking to himself foi a moment anu then holus the
image oi the thought of what he wants in uieaming even if only foi an
instant then the uesiieu topic will come to him Im suie youve uone
that although you weie not awaie of it
Theie was a long pause anu then uon Juan began to sniff the aii It
was as if he weie cleaning his nose Be exhaleu thiee oi foui times
thiough his nostiils with gieat foice The muscles of his abuomen
contiacteu in spasms which he contiolleu by taking in shoit gasps of aii
We wont talk about uieaming any moie he saiu You might
become obsesseu If one is to succeeu in anything the success must come
gently with a gieat ueal of effoit but with no stiess oi obsession
Be stoou up anu walkeu to the euge of the bushes Be leaneu foiwaiu
anu peeieu into the foliage Be seemeu to be examining something in the
leaves without getting too close to them
What aie you uoing I askeu unable to contain my cuiiosity
Be tuineu to me smileu anu iaiseu his biow
The bushes aie filleu with stiange things he saiu as he sat uown
again
Bis tone was so casual that it scaieu me moie than if he hau let out a
suuuen yell Ny notebook anu pencil fell fiom my hanus Be laugheu anu
mimickeu me anu saiu that my exaggeiateu ieactions weie one of the
loose enus that still existeu in my life
I wanteu to iaise a point but he woulu not let me talk
Theies only a bit of uaylight left he saiu Theie aie othei things
we ought to touch upon befoie the twilight sets in
Be then auueu that juuging by my piouuction in uieaming I must
have leaineu how to stop my inteinal uialogue at will I tolu him that I
hau
At the beginning of oui association uon Juan hau uelineateu
uelineate uesciibe in viviu uetail anothei pioceuuie walking foi long
stietches without focusing the eyes on anything Bis iecommenuation
hau been to not look at anything uiiectly but iathei to slightly cioss the
eyes anu keep a peiipheial view of eveiything that piesenteu itself to the
eyes
Be hau insisteu although I hau not unueistoou at the time that if one
kept ones unfocuseu eyes at a point just above the hoiizon it was
possible to notice all at once eveiything in almost the total uegiee
iange in fiont of ones eyes Be hau assuieu me that that exeicise was the
only way of shutting off the inteinal uialogue Be useu to ask me foi
iepoits on my piogiess anu then he stoppeu inquiiing about it
I tolu uon Juan that I hau piacticeu the technique foi yeais without
noticing any change but I hau expecteu none anyway 0ne uay howevei
I hau the shocking iealization that I hau just walkeu foi about ten
minutes without having saiu a single woiu to myself
I mentioneu to uon Juan that on that occasion I also became
cognizant cognizant having iealization oi unueistanuing that
stopping the inteinal uialogue involveu moie than meiely cuitailing the
woius I saiu to myself Ny entiie thought piocesses hau stoppeu anu I
hau felt I was piactically suspenueu floating A sensation of panic hau
ensueu fiom that awaieness anu I hau to iesume my inteinal uialogue as
an antiuote antiuote a iemeuy that stops oi contiols the effects of a
poison
Ive tolu you that the inteinal uialogue is what giounus us uon
Juan saiu The woilu is such anu such oi so anu so only because we talk
to ouiselves about its being such anu such oi so anu so
Bon Juan explaineu that the passageway into the woilu of soiceieis
opens up aftei the waiiioi has leaineu to shut off the inteinal uialogue
To change oui iuea of the woilu is the ciux ciux the most
impoitant point of soiceiy he saiu Anu stopping the inteinal uialogue
is the only way to accomplish it The iest is just pauuing Now youre in
the position to know that nothing of what youve seen oi uone with the
exception of stopping the inteinal uialogue coulu by itself have changeu
anything in you oi in youi iuea of the woilu The piovision is of couise
that that change shoulu not be ueiangeu Now you can unueistanu why a
teachei doesnt clamp uown on his appientice That woulu only bieeu
obsession anu moibiuity
Be askeu foi uetails of othei expeiiences I hau hau in shutting off the
inteinal uialogue I iecounteu eveiything that I coulu iemembei
We talkeu until it became uaik anu I coulu no longei take notes in a
comfoitable mannei I hau to pay attention to my wiiting anu that
alteieu my concentiation Bon Juan became awaie of it anu began to
laugh Be pointeu out that I hau accomplisheu anothei soiceiy task
wiiting without concentiating
The moment he saiu it I iealizeu that I ieally uiu not pay attention to
the act of taking notes It seemeu to be a sepaiate activity I hau nothing to
uo with I felt ouu Bon Juan askeu me to sit by him in the centei of the
ciicle Be saiu it was too uaik anu I was no longei safe sitting so close to
the euge of the chapaiial I felt a chill up my back anu jumpeu to his siue
Be maue me face the southeast anu askeu me to commanu myself to
be silent anu without thoughts I coulu not uo it at fiist anu hau a moment
of impatience Bon Juan tuineu his back to me anu tolu me to lean on his
shouluei foi suppoit Be saiu that once I hau quieteu uown my thoughts
I shoulu keep my eyes open facing the bushes towaius the southeast In a
mysteiious tone he auueu that he was setting up a pioblem foi me anu
that if I iesolveu it I woulu be ieauy foi anothei facet of the soiceieis
woilu
I poseu a weak question about the natuie of the pioblem Be chuckleu
softly I waiteu foi his answei anu then something in me was tuineu off I
felt I was suspenueu Ny eais seemeu to unplug anu a myiiau of noises in
the chapaiial became auuible Theie weie so many that I coulu not
uistinguish them inuiviuually I felt I was falling asleep anu then all at
once something caught my attention
It was not something which involveu my thought piocesses It was
not a vision oi a featuie of the enviionment eithei yet my awaieness hau
been engageu by something I was fully awake Ny eyes weie focuseu on
a spot on the euge of the chapaiial but I was not looking oi thinking oi
talking to myself
Ny feelings weie cleai bouily sensations They uiu not neeu woius I
felt I was iushing thiough something inuefinite Peihaps what woulu
have oiuinaiily been my thoughts weie iushing At any iate I hau the
sensation that I hau been caught in a lanusliue anu something was
avalanching with me at the ciest I felt the iush in my stomach
Something was pulling me into the chapaiial
I coulu uistinguish the uaik mass of the bushes in fiont of me It was
not howevei an unuiffeientiateu uaikness as it woulu oiuinaiily be I
coulu see eveiy inuiviuual bush as if I weie looking at them in a uaik
twilight They seemeu to be moving The mass of theii foliage lookeu like
black skiits flowing towaius me as if they weie being blown by the winu
but theie was no winu I became absoibeu in theii mesmeiizing
movements It was a pulsating iipple that seemeu to uiaw them neaiei
anu neaiei to me
Anu then I noticeu a lightei silhouette which seemeu to be
supeiimposeu on the uaik shapes of the bushes I focuseu my eyes on a
spot to the siue of the lightei silhouette anu I coulu make out a
chaitieuse glow on it Then I lookeu at it without focusing anu I hau the
ceitainty that the lightei silhouette was a man hiuing in the unueibiush
I was at that moment in a most peculiai state of awaieness I was
cognizant of the suiiounuings anu of the mental piocesses that the
suiiounuings engenueieu in myself yet I was not thinking as I oiuinaiily
think
Foi instance when I iealizeu that the silhouette supeiimposeu on the
bushes was a man I iecalleu anothei occasion in the ueseit I hau noticeu
then while uon Genaro anu I weie walking in the chapaiial at night that
a man was hiuing in the bushes behinu us But the instant I hau
attempteu to explain the phenomenon iationally I lost sight of the man
This time howevei I felt I hau the uppei hanu anu I iefuseu to
explain oi to think anything at all Foi a moment I hau the impiession
that I coulu holu the man anu foice him to iemain wheie he was I then
expeiienceu a stiange pain in the pit of my stomach Something seemeu
to iip insiue me anu I coulu not holu the muscles of my miusection tense
any longei
At the veiy moment I let go the uaik shape of an enoimous biiu oi
some soit of flying animal luicheu at me fiom the chapaiial It was as if
the shape of the man hau tuineu into the shape of a biiu I hau the cleai
conscious peiception of feai I gaspeu anu then let out a louu yell anu fell
on my back
Bon Juan helpeu me up Bis face was veiy close to mine Be was
laughing
What was that I shouteu
Be husheu me putting his hanu ovei my mouth Be put his lips to my
eai anu whispeieu that we hau to leave the aiea in a calm anu collecteu
fashion as if nothing hau happeneu
We walkeu siue by siue Bis pace was ielaxeu anu even A couple of
times he tuineu aiounu quickly I uiu the same anu twice I caught sight
of a uaik mass that seemeu to be following us I heaiu a louu eeiie shiiek
behinu me I expeiienceu a moment of sheei teiioi Ripples ian thiough
the muscles of my stomach They came in spasms anu giew in intensity
until they simply foiceu my bouy to iun
The only way of talking about my ieaction has to be in uon Juans
teiminology anu thus I can say that my bouy uue to the fiight I was
expeiiencing was capable of executing what he hau calleu the gait of
powei a technique he hau taught me yeais befoie consisting of iunning
in the uaikness without tiipping oi huiting oneself in any way
I was not fully awaie of what I hau uone oi how I hau uone it
Suuuenly I founu myself again at uon Juans house Appaiently he hau
also iun anu we hau aiiiveu at the same time Be lit his keiosene lantein
hung it fiom a beam in the ceiling anu casually askeu me to sit uown anu
ielax
I joggeu on the same spot foi a while until my neivousness became
moie manageable Then I sat uown Be foicefully oiueieu me to act as if
nothing hau happeneu anu hanueu me my notebook I hau not iealizeu
that in my haste to leave the bushes I hau uioppeu it
What happeneu out theie uon Juan I finally askeu
You hau an appointment with knowleuge he saiu pointing with a
movement of his chin to the uaik euge of the ueseit chapaiial I took you
theie because I caught a glimpse of knowleuge piowling aiounu the
house eailiei You might say that knowleuge knew that you weie coming
anu was waiting foi you Rathei than meeting it heie I felt it was piopei
to meet it on a powei spot Then I set up a test to see if you hau enough
peisonal powei to isolate it fiom the iest of the things aiounu us You uiu
fine
Wait a minute I piotesteu I saw the silhouette of a man hiuing
behinu a bush anu then I saw a huge biiu
You didnt see a man he saiu emphatically Neithei uiu you see a
biiu The silhouette in the bushes anu what flew to us was a moth If you
want to be accuiate in soiceieis teims but veiy iiuiculous in youi own
teims you coulu say that tonight you hau an appointment with a moth
Knowleuge is a moth
Be lookeu at me pieicingly The light of the lantein cieateu stiange
shauows on his face I moveu my eyes away
Peihaps youll have enough peisonal powei to uniavel that mysteiy
tonight he saiu If not tonight peihaps tomoiiow Remembei you still
owe me six uays
Bon Juan stoou up anu walkeu to the kitchen in the back of the house
Be took the lantein anu set it against the wall on the shoit iounu stump
that he useu as a bench We sat uown on the flooi opposite each othei
anu seiveu ouiselves some beans anu meat fiom a pot that he hau placeu
in fiont of us We ate in silence
Be gave me fuitive glances fiom time to time anu seemeu on the
veige of laughing Bis eyes weie like two slits When he lookeu at me he
woulu open them a bit anu the moistness of the coineas ieflecteu the
light of the lantein It was as if he weie using the light to cieate a miiioi
ieflection Be playeu with it shaking his heau almost impeiceptibly eveiy
time he focuseu his eyes on me The effect was a fascinating quivei of
light I became awaie of his maneuveis aftei he hau executeu them a
couple of times I was convinceu that he was acting with a uefinite
puipose in minu I felt compelleu to ask him about it
I have an ulteiioi ulteiioi beyonu what is openly ievealeu kept in
the backgiounu oi uelibeiately concealeu ieason he saiu ieassuiingly
Im soothing you with my eyes You uont seem to be getting moie
neivous uo you
I hau to aumit that I felt quite at ease The steauy flickei in his eyes
was not menacing anu it hau not scaieu oi annoyeu me in any way
Bow uo you soothe me with youi eyes I askeu
Be iepeateu the impeiceptible shake of his heau The coineas of his
eyes weie inueeu ieflecting the light of the keiosene lantein
Tiy to uo it youiself he saiu casually as he gave himself anothei
seiving of foou You can soothe youiself
I tiieu to shake my heau Ny movements weie awkwaiu
You wont soothe youiself bobbing youi heau like that he saiu anu
laugheu Youll give youiself a heauache insteau The seciet is not in the
heau shake but in the feeling that comes to the eyes fiom the aiea below
the stomach This is what makes the heau shake
Be iubbeu his umbilical iegion
Aftei I hau finisheu eating I sloucheu against a pile of woou anu some
builap sacks I tiieu to imitate his heau shake Bon Juan seemeu to be
enjoying himself immensely Be giggleu anu slappeu his thighs
Then a suuuen noise inteiiupteu his laughtei I heaiu a stiange ueep
sounu like tapping on woou that came fiom the chapaiial Bon Juan
jutteu his chin signaling me to iemain aleit
Thats the little moth calling you he saiu in an unemotional tone
I jumpeu to my feet The sounu ceaseu instantaneously I lookeu at
uon Juan foi an explanation Be maue a comical gestuie of helplessness
shiugging his shoulueis
You havent fulfilleu youi appointment yet he auueu
I tolu him that I felt unwoithy anu that peihaps I shoulu go home anu
come back when I felt stiongei
Youre talking nonsense he snappeu A waiiioi takes his lot
whatevei it may be anu accepts it in ultimate humbleness Be accepts in
humbleness what he is not as giounus foi iegiet but as a living
challenge
It takes time foi eveiy one of us to unueistanu that point anu fully
live it I foi instance hateu the meie mention of the woiu humbleness
Im an Inuian anu we Inuians have always been humble anu have uone
nothing else but lowei oui heaus I thought humbleness was not in the
waiiiois way I was wiong
I know now that the humbleness of a waiiioi is not the humbleness
of a beggai The waiiioi loweis his heau to no one but at the same time
he doesnt peimit anyone to lowei his heau to him
The beggai on the othei hanu falls to his knees at the uiop of a hat
anu sciapes the flooi foi anyone he ueems to be highei but at the same
time he uemanus that someone lowei than him sciape the flooi foi him
Thats why I tolu you eailiei touay that I didnt unueistanu what
masteis felt like I know only the humbleness of a waiiioi anu that will
nevei peimit me to be anyones mastei
We weie quiet foi a moment Bis woius hau causeu me a piofounu
agitation I was moveu by them anu at the same time I felt conceineu
with what I hau witnesseu in the chapaiial Ny conscious assessment
was that uon Juan was holuing out on me anu that he must have known
what was ieally taking place
I was involveu in those uelibeiations when the same stiange tapping
noise jolteu me out of my thoughts Bon Juan smileu anu then began to
chuckle
You like the humbleness of a beggai he saiu softly You bow youi
heau to ieason
I always think that Im being tiickeu I saiu Thats the ciux of my
pioblem
Youre iight You aie being tiickeu he ietoiteu with a uisaiming
smile That cannot be youi pioblem The ieal ciux of the mattei is that
you feel that I am uelibeiately lying to you am I coiiect
Yes Theie is something in myself that doesnt let me believe that
whats taking place is ieal
Youre iight again Nothing of what is taking place is ieal
Things aie ieal only aftei one has leaineu to agiee on theii iealness
What took place this evening foi instance cannot possibly be ieal to you
because no one coulu agiee with you about it
Bo you mean that you didnt see what happeneu
0f couise I uiu But I uont count I am the one whos lying to you
iemembei
Bon Juan laugheu until he cougheu anu chokeu Bis laughtei was
fiienuly even though he was making fun of me
Bont pay too much attention to all my gibbeiish he saiu
ieassuiingly Im just tiying to ielax you anu I know that you feel at
home only when youre muuuleu up
Bis expiession was uelibeiately comical anu we both laugheu I tolu
him that what he hau just saiu maue me feel moie afiaiu than evei
Youre afiaiu of me he askeu
Not of you but of what you iepiesent
I iepiesent the waiiiois fieeuom Aie you afiaiu of that
No But Im afiaiu of the awesomeness of youi knowleuge Theie is
no solace foi me no haven to go to
Youre again confusing issues Solace haven feai all of them aie
moous that you have leaineu without evei questioning theii value As
one can see the black magicians have alieauy engageu all youi
allegiance
Who aie the black magicians uon Juan
0ui fellow men aie the black magicians Anu since you aie with
them you too aie a black magician Think foi a moment Can you ueviate
fiom the path that theyve lineu up foi you
No Youi thoughts anu youi actions aie fixeu foievei in theii teims
That is slaveiy I on the othei hanu biought you fieeuom Fieeuom is
expensive but the piice is not impossible So feai youi captois youi
masteis Bont waste youi time anu youi powei feaiing me
I knew that he was iight anu yet in spite of my genuine agieement
with him I also knew that my lifelong habits woulu unavoiuably make me
stick to my olu path I uiu inueeu feel like a slave
Aftei a long silence uon Juan askeu me if I hau enough stiength foi
anothei bout with knowleuge
Bo you mean with the moth I askeu half in jest
Bis bouy contoiteu with laughtei It was as if I hau just tolu him the
funniest joke in the woilu
What uo you ieally mean when you say that knowleuge is a moth I
askeu
I have no othei meanings he ieplieu A moth is a moth I thought
that by now with all youi accomplishments you woulu have hau enough
powei to see You caught sight of a man insteau anu that was not tiue
seeing
Fiom the beginning of my appienticeship uon Juan hau uepicteu the
concept of seeing as a special capacity that one coulu uevelop anu which
woulu allow one to appiehenu the ultimate natuie of things
0vei the yeais of oui association I hau uevelopeu a notion that what
he meant by seeing was an intuitive giasp of things oi the capacity to
unueistanu something at once oi peihaps the ability to see thiough
human inteiactions anu uiscovei coveit meanings anu motives
I shoulu say that tonight when you faceu the moth you weie half
looking anu half seeing uon Juan pioceeueu In that state although you
weie not altogethei youi usual self you weie still capable of being fully
awaie in oiuei to opeiate youi knowleuge of the woilu
Bon Juan pauseu anu lookeu at me I uiu not know what to say at
fiist
Bow was I opeiating my knowleuge of the woilu I askeu
Youi knowleuge of the woilu tolu you that in the bushes one can
only finu animals piowling oi men hiuing behinu the foliage You helu
that thought anu natuially you hau to finu ways to make the woilu
confoim to that thought
But I wasnt thinking at all uon Juan
Lets not call it thinking then It is iathei the habit of having the
woilu always confoim to oui thoughts When it doesnt we simply make
it confoim Noths as laige as a man cannot be even a thought theiefoie
foi you what was in the bushes hau to be a man
The same thing happeneu with the coyote Youi olu habits ueciueu
the natuie of that encountei too Something took place between you anu
the coyote but it wasnt talk I have been in the same quanuaiy myself
Ive tolu you that once I talkeu with a ueei Now youve talkeu to a
coyote but neithei you noi I will evei know what ieally took place at
those times
What aie you telling me uon Juan
When the soiceieis explanation became cleai to me it was too late
to know what the ueei uiu to me I saiu that we talkeu but that wasnt so
To say that we hau a conveisation is only a way of aiianging it so I can
talk about it The ueei anu I uiu something but at the time it was taking
place I neeueu to make the woilu confoim to my iueas just like you uiu I
hau been talking all my life just like you theiefoie my habits pievaileu
anu weie extenueu to the ueei When the ueei came to me anu uiu
whatevei it uiu I was foiceu to unueistanu it as talking
Is this the soiceieis explanation
No This is my explanation foi you But it is not opposeu to the
soiceieis explanation
Bis statement thiew me into a state of gieat intellectual excitation
Foi a while I foigot the piowling moth oi even to take notes I tiieu to
iephiase his statements anu we involveu ouiselves in a long uiscussion
about the ieflexive natuie of oui woilu The woilu accoiuing to uon
Juan hau to confoim to its uesciiption that is the uesciiption ieflecteu
itself
Anothei point in his eluciuation eluciuation an act of explaining
that seives to cleai up anu cast light on was that we hau leaineu to
ielate ouiselves to oui uesciiption of the woilu in teims of what he calleu
habits I intiouuceu what I thought was a moie engulfing teim
intentionality the piopeity of human consciousness wheieby an object is
iefeiieu to oi is intenueu
0ui conveisation engenueieu a most inteiesting speculation
Examineu in light of uon Juans explanation my talk with the coyote
acquiieu a new chaiactei I hau inueeu intenueu the uialogue since I
have nevei known anothei avenue of intentional communication I hau
also succeeueu in confoiming to the uesciiption that communication
takes place thiough uialogue anu thus I maue the uesciiption ieflect
itself
I hau a moment of gieat elation Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu that to be
so moveu by woius was anothei aspect of my fooleiy Be maue a comical
gestuie of talking without sounus
All of us go thiough the same shenanigans he saiu aftei a long
pause The only way to oveicome them is to peisist in acting like a
waiiioi The iest comes of itself anu by itself
What is the iest uon Juan
Knowleuge anu powei Nen of knowleuge have both Anu yet none
of them coulu tell how they got to have them except that they hau kept
on acting like waiiiois anu at a given moment eveiything changeu
Be lookeu at me Be seemeu unueciueu Then he stoou up anu saiu
that I hau no othei iecouise than to keep my appointment with
knowleuge
I felt a shivei Ny heait began to pounu fast I got up Bon Juan moveu
aiounu me as if he weie examining my bouy fiom eveiy possible angle
Be signaleu me to sit uown anu keep on wiiting
If you get too fiighteneu you wont be able to keep youi
appointment he saiu A waiiioi must be calm anu collecteu anu must
nevei lose his giip
Im ieally scaieu I saiu Noth oi whatevei theie is something
piowling aiounu out theie in the bushes
0f couise theie is he exclaimeu Ny objection is that you insist on
thinking that it is a man just like you insist on thinking that you talkeu
with a coyote
A pait of me fully unueistoou his point Theie was howevei anothei
aspect of myself that woulu not let go anu in spite of the eviuence clung
steaufast to ieason
I tolu uon Juan that his explanation uiu not satisfy my senses
although I was in complete intellectual agieement with it
Thats the flaw with woius he saiu in an assuiing tone They
always foice us to feel enlighteneu but when we tuin aiounu to face the
woilu they always fail us anu we enu up facing the woilu as we always
have without enlightenment Foi this ieason a soiceiei seeks to act
iathei than to talk anu to this effect he gets a new uesciiption of the
woilu a new uesciiption wheie talking is not that impoitant anu wheie
new acts have new ieflections
Be sat uown by me anu gazeu into my eyes anu askeu me to voice
what I hau ieally seen in the chapaiial
I was confionteu at the moment with an absoibing inconsistency I
hau seen the uaik shape of a man but I hau also seen that shape tuin into
a biiu I hau theiefoie witnesseu moie than my ieason woulu allow me
to consiuei possible But iathei than uiscaiuing my ieason altogethei
something in myself hau selecteu paits of my expeiience such as the size
anu geneial contoui of the uaik shape anu helu them as ieasonable
possibilities while it uiscaiueu othei paits such as the uaik shape
tuining into a biiu Anu thus I hau become convinceu that I hau seen a
man
Bon Juan ioaieu with laughtei when I expiesseu my quanuaiy Be
saiu that soonei oi latei the soiceieis explanation woulu come to my
iescue anu eveiything woulu then be peifectly cleai without having to
be ieasonable oi unieasonable
In the meantime all I can uo foi you is to guaiantee that that was not
a man he saiu
Bon Juans gaze became quite unneiving Ny bouy shiveieu
involuntaiily Be maue me feel embaiiasseu anu neivous
Im looking foi maiks on youi bouy he explaineu You may not
know it but this evening you hau quite a bout out theie
What kinu of maiks aie you looking foi
Not actual physical maiks on youi bouy but signs inuications in
youi luminous fibeis aieas of biightness We aie luminous beings anu
eveiything we aie oi eveiything we feel shows in oui fibeis Bumans
have a biightness peculiai only to them Thats the only way to tell them
apait fiom othei luminous living beings
If you woulu have seen tonight you woulu have noticeu that the
shape in the bushes was not a luminous living being
I wanteu to ask moie but he put his hanu on my mouth anu husheu
me Be then put his mouth to my eai anu whispeieu that I shoulu listen
anu tiy to heai a soft iustling the gentle muffleu steps of a moth on the
uiy leaves anu bianches on the giounu
I coulu not heai anything Bon Juan stoou up abiuptly pickeu up the
lantein anu saiu that we weie going to sit unuei the ramada by the fiont
uooi
Rathei than going thiough the ioom anu out the fiont uooi he leu me
thiough the back anu aiounu the house on the euge of the chapaiial Be
explaineu that it was essential to make oui piesence obvious We half
ciicleu aiounu the house on the left siue Bon Juans pace was extiemely
slow Bis steps weie weak anu vacillating Bis aim shook as he helu the
lantein
I askeu him if theie was something wiong with him Be winkeu at me
anu whispeieu that the big moth that was piowling aiounu hau an
appointment with a young man anu that the slow gait of a feeble olu man
was an obvious way of showing who was the appointee
When we finally aiiiveu at the fiont of the house uon Juan hookeu
the lantein on a beam anu maue me sit with my back against the wall Be
sat to my iight
Were going to sit heie he saiu anu you aie going to wiite anu talk
to me in a veiy noimal mannei The moth that luicheu at you touay is
aiounu in the bushes Aftei a while itll come closei to look at you Thats
why Ive put the lantein on a beam iight above you The light will guiue
the moth to finu you When it gets to the euge of the bushes it will call
you It is a veiy special sounu The sounu by itself may help you
What kinu of sounu is it uon Juan
It is a song A haunting call that moths piouuce 0iuinaiily it cannot
be heaiu but the moth out theie in the bushes is a iaie moth You will
heai its call cleaily anu pioviuing that you aie impeccable it will iemain
with you foi the iest of youi life
What is it going to help me with
Tonight youre going to tiy to finish what youve staiteu eailiei
Seeing happens only when the waiiioi is capable of stopping the inteinal
uialogue
Touay out theie in the bushes you stoppeu youi talk at will anu you
saw What you saw was not cleai You thought that it was a man I say it
was a moth Neithei of us is coiiect but thats because we have to talk I
still have the uppei hanu because I see bettei than you anu because Im
familiai with the soiceieis explanation So I know although its not
altogethei accuiate that the shape you saw tonight was a moth
Anu now youre going to iemain silent anu thoughtless anu let that
little moth come to you again
I coulu haiuly take notes Bon Juan laugheu anu uigeu me to keep on
wiiting as if nothing botheieu me Be toucheu my aim anu saiu that
wiiting was the best piotective shielu that I hau
Weve nevei talkeu about moths he went on The time was not
iight until now As you alieauy know youi spiiit was unbalanceu To
counteiact that I taught you to live the waiiiois way Well a waiiioi
staits off with the ceitainty that his spiiit is off balance Then by living in
full contiol anu awaieness but without huiiy oi compulsion he uoes his
ultimate best to gain this balance
In youi case as in the case of eveiy man youi imbalance was uue to
the sum total of all youi actions But now youi spiiit seems to be in the
piopei light to talk about moths
Bow uiu you know that this was the iight time to talk about moths
I caught a glimpse of the moth piowling aiounu when you aiiiveu It
was the fiist time it was fiienuly anu open I hau seen it befoie in the
mountains aiounu Genaros house but only as a menacing figuie
ieflecting youi lack of oiuei
I heaiu a stiange sounu at that moment It was like a muffleu cieaking
of a bianch iubbing against anothei oi like the sputteiing of a small
motoi heaiu fiom a uistance It changeu scales like a musical tone
cieating an eeiie ihythm Then it stoppeu
That was the moth uon Juan saiu Peihaps youve alieauy noticeu
that although the light of the lantein is biight enough to attiact moths
theie isnt a single one flying aiounu it
I hau not paiu attention to it but once uon Juan maue me awaie of it
I also noticeu an incieuible silence in the ueseit aiounu the house
Bont get jumpy he saiu calmly Theie is nothing in this woilu that
a waiiioi cannot account foi You see a waiiioi consiueis himself
alieauy ueau so theie is nothing foi him to lose The woist has alieauy
happeneu to him theiefoie hes cleai anu calm }uuging him by his acts
oi by his woius one woulu nevei suspect that he has witnesseu
eveiything
Bon Juans woius anu above all his moou weie veiy soothing to me
I tolu him that in my uaytouay life I no longei expeiienceu the obsessive
feai I useu to but that my bouy enteieu into convulsions of fiight at the
thought of what was out theie in the uaik
0ut theie theie is only knowleuge he saiu in a factual tone
Knowleuge is fiightening tiue but if a waiiioi accepts the fiightening
natuie of knowleuge he cancels out its awesomeness
The stiange sputteiing noise happeneu again It seemeu closei anu
louuei I listeneu caiefully The moie attention I paiu to it the moie
uifficult it was to ueteimine its natuie It uiu not seem to be the call of a
biiu oi the ciy of a lanu animal
The tone of each sputtei was iich anu ueep Some weie piouuceu in a
low key 0theis in a high one They hau a ihythm anu a specific uuiation
Some weie long I heaiu them like a single unit of sounu 0theis weie
shoit anu happeneu in a clustei like the staccato sounu of a machine gun
The moths aie the heialus oi bettei yet the guaiuians of eteinity
uon Juan saiu aftei the sounu hau stoppeu Foi some ieason oi foi no
ieason at all they aie the uepositoiies of the golu uust of eteinity
The metaphoi was foieign to me I askeu him to explain it
The moths caiiy a uust on theii wings he saiu A uaik golu uust
That uust is the uust of knowleuge
Bis explanation hau maue the metaphoi even moie obscuie I
vacillateu vacillate be unueciueu about something wavei between
conflicting positions oi couises foi a moment tiying to finu the best way
of woiuing my question But he began to talk again
Knowleuge is a most peculiai affaii he saiu especially foi a
waiiioi Knowleuge foi a waiiioi is something that comes at once
engulfs him anu passes on
What uoes knowleuge have to uo with the uust on the wings of
moths I askeu aftei a long pause
Knowleuge comes floating like specks of golu uust the same uust
that coveis the wings of moths So foi a waiiioi knowleuge is like taking
a showei oi being iaineu on by specks of uaik golu uust
In the most polite mannei I was capable of I mentioneu that his
explanations hau confuseu me even moie Be laugheu anu assuieu me
that he was making peifect sense except that my ieason woulu not allow
me to be at ease
The moths have been the intimate fiienus anu helpeis of soiceieis
fiom time immemoiial he saiu I hau not toucheu upon this subject
befoie because of youi lack of piepaiation
But how can the uust on theii wings be knowleuge
Youll see
Be put his hanu ovei my notebook anu tolu me to close my eyes anu
become silent anu without thoughts Be saiu that the call of the moth in
the chapaiial was going to aiu me If I paiu attention to it it woulu tell me
of imminent events Be stiesseu that he uiu not know how the
communication between the moth anu myself was going to be
establisheu Neithei uiu he know what the teims of the communication
woulu be Be uigeu me to feel at ease anu confiuent anu tiust my
peisonal powei
Aftei an initial peiiou of impatience anu neivousness I succeeueu in
becoming silent Ny thoughts uiminisheu in numbei until my minu was
peifectly blank The noises of the ueseit chapaiial seemeu to have been
tuineu on as I became moie calm
The stiange sounu that uon Juan saiu was maue by a moth occuiieu
again It iegisteieu as a feeling in my bouy anu not as a thought in my
minu It occuiieu to me that it was not thieatening oi malevolent at all It
was sweet anu simple It was like a chilus call It biought back the
memoiy of a little boy that I once knew The long sounus ieminueu me of
his iounu blonu heau the shoit staccato sounus of his laughtei
The most anguishing feeling oppiesseu me anu yet theie weie no
thoughts in my minu I felt the anguish in my bouy I coulu no longei
iemain sitting anu sliu to the flooi on my siue
Ny sauness was so intense that I began to think I assesseu my pain
anu soiiow anu suuuenly founu myself in the miust of an inteinal uebate
about the little boy The sputteiing sounu hau ceaseu Ny eyes weie
closeu
I heaiu uon Juan stanuing up anu then I felt him helping me to sit up
I uiu not want to speak Be uiu not say a woiu I heaiu him moving by me
I openeu my eyes Be hau knelt in fiont of me anu was examining my
face holuing the lantein close to me Be oiueieu me to put my hanus
ovei my stomach Be stoou up went to the kitchen anu biought me some
watei Be splasheu some on my face anu gave me the iest to uiink
Be sat uown next to me anu hanueu me my notes I tolu him that the
sounu hau involveu me in the most painful ieveiie
You aie inuulging beyonu youi limits he saiu uiyly
Be seemeu to immeise himself in thought as if he weie seaiching foi
an appiopiiate suggestion to make
The pioblem foi tonight is seeing people he finally saiu Fiist you
must stop youi inteinal uialogue Then you must biing up the image of
the peison that you want to see Any thought that one holus in minu in a
state of silence is piopeily a commanu since theie aie no othei thoughts
to compete with it Tonight the moth in the bushes wants to help you so
it will sing foi you Its song will biing the goluen specks anu then you
will see the peison youve selecteu
I wanteu to have moie uetails but he maue an abiupt gestuie anu
signaleu me to pioceeu
Aftei stiuggling foi a few minutes to stop my inteinal uialogue I was
thoioughly silent Anu then I uelibeiately helu the biief thought of a
fiienu of mine I kept my eyes closeu foi what I believeu to be just an
instant anu then I became awaie that someone was shaking me by the
shoulueis
It was a slow iealization I openeu my eyes anu founu myself lying on
my left siue I hau appaiently fallen asleep so ueeply that I uiu not
iemembei having slumpeu to the giounu Bon Juan helpeu me to sit up
again Be was laughing Be imitateu my snoiing anu saiu that if he hau
not witnesseu it himself he woulu not believe that anyone coulu fall
asleep so fast Be saiu that it was a tieat foi him to be aiounu me
whenevei I hau to uo something that my ieason uiu not unueistanu Be
pusheu my notebook away fiom me anu saiu that we hau to stait all
ovei
I followeu the necessaiy steps The stiange sputteiing sounu
happeneu again This time howevei it uiu not come fiom the chapaiial
Rathei it seemeu to happen insiue of me as if my lips oi legs oi aims
weie piouucing it The sounu soon engulfeu me I felt like soft balls weie
being sputteieu out fiom oi against me It was a soothing exquisite
feeling of being bombaiueu by heavy cotton puffs
Suuuenly I heaiu a uooi blown open by a gust of winu anu I was
thinking again I thought that I hau iuineu anothei chance
I openeu my eyes anu founu myself in my ioom The objects on my
uesk weie as I hau left them The uooi was open Theie was a stiong
winu outsiue The thought ciosseu my minu that I shoulu check the watei
heatei I then heaiu a iattling on the sliuing winuows that I hau put up
myself anu which uiu not fit well on the winuow fiame It was a fuiious
iattling as if someone wanteu to entei I expeiienceu a jolt of fiight I
stoou up fiom my chaii I felt something pulling me I scieameu
Bon Juan was shaking me by the shoulueis I exciteuly gave him an
account of my vision It hau been so viviu that I was shiveiing I felt that I
hau just been at my uesk in my full coipoieal foim
Bon Juan shook his heau in uisbelief anu saiu that I was a genius in
tiicking myself Be uiu not seem impiesseu by what I hau uone Be
uiscaiueu it flatly anu oiueieu me to stait again
I then heaiu the mysteiious sounu again It came to me as uon Juan
hau suggesteu in the foim of a iain of goluen specks I uiu not feel that
they weie flat specks oi flakes as he hau uesciibeu them but iathei
spheiical bubbles They floateu towaius me 0ne of them buist open anu
ievealeu a scene to me It was as if it hau stoppeu in fiont of my eyes anu
openeu up uisclosing a stiange object
It lookeu like a mushioom I was uefinitely looking at it anu what I
was expeiiencing was not a uieam The mushroomlike object iemaineu
unchangeu within my fielu of vision anu then it poppeu as though the
light that was shining on it hau been tuineu off An inteiminable
uaikness followeu it
I felt a tiemoi a veiy unsettling jolt anu then I hau the abiupt
iealization that I was being shaken All at once my senses weie tuineu on
Bon Juan was shaking me vigoiously anu I was looking at him I must
have just openeu my eyes at that moment Be spiinkleu watei on my face
The coluness of the watei was veiy appealing Aftei a moments pause he
wanteu to know what hau happeneu
I iecounteu eveiy uetail of my vision
But what uiu I see I askeu
Youi fiienu he ietoiteu
I laugheu anu patiently explaineu that I hau seen a mushioomlike
figuie Although I hau no ciiteiia to juuge uimensions I hau hau the
feeling that it was about a foot long
Bon Juan emphasizeu that feeling was all that counteu Be saiu that
my feelings weie the gauge that assesseu the state of being of the subject
that I was seeing
Fiom youi uesciiption anu youi feelings I must concluue that youi
fiienu must be a veiy fine man he saiu I was baffleu by his woius
Be saiu that the mushroomlike foimation was the essential shape of
human beings when a soiceiei was seeing them fiom fai away But when
a soiceiei was uiiectly facing the peison he was seeing the human
quality was shown as an egglike clustei of luminous fibeis
You weie not facing youi fiienu he saiu Theiefoie he appeaieu
like a mushioom
No one knows That simply is the way men appeai in this specific
type of seeing
Be auueu that eveiy featuie of the mushroomlike foimation hau a
special significance but that it was impossible foi a beginnei to
accuiately inteipiet that significance
I then hau an intiiguing iecollection Some yeais befoie while I was in
a state of nonordinary ieality eliciteu by the intake of psychotiopic
plants I hau expeiienceu oi peiceiveu while I was looking at a watei
stieam that a clustei of bubbles floateu towaius me engulfing me The
goluen bubbles I hau just envisioneu hau floateu anu engulfeu me in
exactly the same mannei In fact I coulu say that both clusteis hau hau
the same stiuctuie anu the same pattein
Bon Juan listeneu to my commentaiies without inteiest
Bont waste youi powei on tiifles he saiu You aie uealing with
that immensity out theie
Be pointeu towaius the chapaiial with a movement of his hanu
To tuin that magnificence out theie into ieasonableness doesnt uo
anything foi you Beie suiiounuing us is eteinity itself To engage in
ieuucing it to a manageable nonsense is petty anu outiight uisastious
Be then insisteu that I shoulu attempt to see anothei peison fiom
my iealm of acquaintances Be auueu that once the vision hau teiminateu
I shoulu stiive to open my eyes by myself anu suiface to the full
awaieness of my immeuiate suiiounuings
I succeeueu in holuing the view of anothei mushroomlike foim but
while the fiist one hau been yellowish anu small the seconu one was
whitish laigei anu contoiteu
By the time we hau finisheu talking about the two shapes I hau seen
I hau foigotten the moth in the bushes which hau been so oveiwhelming
a little while befoie I tolu uon Juan that it amazeu me that I hau such a
facility foi uiscaiuing something so tiuly uncanny It was as if I weie not
the peison I knew myself to be
I uont see why you make such a fuss out of this uon Juan saiu
Whenevei the uialogue stops the woilu collapses anu extiaoiuinaiy
facets of ouiselves suiface as though they hau been kept heavily guaiueu
by oui woius You aie like you aie because you tell youiself that you aie
that way
Aftei a shoit iest uon Juan uigeu me to continue calling fiienus Be
saiu that the point was to attempt to see as many times as possible in
oiuei to establish a guiueline foi feeling
I calleu thiitytwo peisons in succession Aftei each attempt he
uemanueu a caieful anu uetaileu ienuition of eveiything I hau peiceiveu
in my vision Be changeu that pioceuuie howevei as I became moie
pioficient in my peifoimance juuging by my stopping the inteinal
uialogue in a mattei of seconus by my being capable of opening my eyes
by myself at the enu of each expeiience anu by my iesuming oiuinaiy
activities without any tiansition
I noticeu this change while we weie uiscussing the coloiation of the
mushroomlike foimations Be hau alieauy maue the point that what I
calleu coloiation was not a hue but a glow of uiffeient intensities
I was about to uesciibe a yellowish glow that I hau envisioneu when
he inteiiupteu me anu he accuiately uesciibeu what I hau seen Fiom
that point on he uiscusseu the content of each vision not as if he hau
unueistoou what I hau saiu but as if he hau seen it himself When I
calleu him to comment on it he flatly iefuseu to talk about it
By the time I hau finisheu calling the thiitytwo peisons I hau
iealizeu that I hau seen a vaiiety of mushroomlike shapes anu glows
anu I hau hau a vaiiety of feelings towaius them ianging fiom milu
uelight to sheei uisgust
Bon Juan explaineu that men weie filleu with configuiations that
coulu be wishes pioblems soiiows woiiies anu so on Be asseiteu that
only a piofounuly poweiful soiceiei coulu untangle the meaning of those
configuiations anu that I hau to be content with viewing only the geneial
shape of men
I was veiy tiieu Theie was something inueeu fatiguing about those
stiange shapes Ny oveiall sensation was one of queasiness I hau not
likeu them They hau maue me feel tiappeu anu uoomeu
Bon Juan commanueu me to wiite in oiuei to uispel the sensation of
sombeiness Aftei a long silent inteival uuiing which I coulu not wiite
anything he askeu me to call on people that he himself woulu select
A new seiies of foims emeigeu They weie not mushroomlike but
lookeu moie like }apanese cups foi sake tuineu upsiue uown Some of
them hau a heaulike foimation just like the foot of sake cups 0theis weie
moie iounu Theii shapes weie appealing anu peaceful I senseu that
theie was some inheient feeling of happiness about them They bounceu
as opposeu to the eaithbounu heaviness that the pievious batch hau
exhibiteu Somehow the meie fact that they weie theie easeu my fatigue
Among the peisons he hau selecteu was his appientice Eligio When I
summoneu the vision of Eligio I got a jolt that shook me out of my
visionaiy state Eligio hau a long white shape that jeikeu anu seemeu to
leap at me Bon Juan explaineu that Eligio was a veiy talenteu appientice
anu that he no uoubt hau noticeu that someone was seeing him
Anothei of uon Juans selections was Pablito uon Genaros
appientice The jolt that the vision of Pablito gave me was even gieatei
than Eligios
Bon Juan laugheu so haiu that teais iolleu uown his cheeks
Why aie those people shapeu uiffeiently I askeu
They have moie peisonal powei he ieplieu As you might have
noticeu they aie not peggeu uown to the giounu
What has given them that lightness Weie they boin that way
We all aie boin that light anu bouncy but we become eaithbounu
anu fixeu We make ouiselves that way So peihaps we may say that these
people aie shapeu uiffeiently because they live like waiiiois Thats not
impoitant though Whats of value is that you aie at the euge now Youve
calleu foityseven people anu theie is only one moie left in oiuei foi you
to complete the oiiginal foityeight
I iemembeieu at that moment that yeais befoie he hau tolu me while
uiscussing coin soiceiy anu uivination that the numbei of coin keinels
that a soiceiei possesseu was foityeight Be hau nevei explaineu why
I askeu him again Why foityeight
Foityeight is oui numbei he saiu Thats what makes us men I
uont know why Bont waste youi powei in iuiotic questions
Be stoou up anu stietcheu his aims anu legs Be tolu me to uo the
same I noticeu that theie was a tinge of light in the sky towaius the east
We sat uown again Be leaneu ovei anu put his mouth to my eai
The last peison youre going to call is Genaro the ieal McCoy he
whispeieu
I felt a suige of cuiiosity anu excitation I bieezeu thiough the
iequiieu steps The stiange sounu fiom the euge of the chapaiial became
viviu anu acquiieu new stiength I hau almost foigotten about it The
goluen bubbles engulfeu me anu then in one of them I saw uon Genaro
himself Be was stanuing in fiont of me holuing his hat in his hanu Be
was smiling
I huiiieuly openeu my eyes anu was about to speak to uon Juan but
befoie I coulu say a woiu my bouy stiffeneu like a boaiu Ny haii stoou
on enu anu foi a long moment I uiu not know what to uo oi say Bon
Genaro was stanuing iight in fiont of me In peison
I tuineu to uon Juan he was smiling Then both of them bioke into a
giant laugh I also tiieu to laugh I coulu not I stoou up
Bon Juan hanueu me a cup of watei I uiank it automatically I
thought he was going to spiinkle watei on my face Insteau he iefilleu
my cup
Bon Genaro sciatcheu his heau anu hiu a giin
Arent you going to gieet Genaro uon Juan askeu
It took an enoimous effoit foi me to oiganize my thoughts anu my
feelings I finally mumbleu some gieetings to uon Genaro Be took a bow
You calleu me didnt you he askeu smiling
I mutteieu my amazement at having founu him stanuing theie
Be uiu call you uon Juan inteijecteu
Well heie I am uon Genaro saiu to me What can I uo foi you
Slowly my minu seemeu to become oiganizeu anu finally I hau a
suuuen insight Ny thoughts weie ciystal cleai anu I knew what hau
ieally taken place I figuieu that uon Genaro hau been visiting with uon
Juan anu that as soon as they hau heaiu my cai appioaching uon
Genaro hau slippeu into the bushes anu hau iemaineu in hiuing until it
got uaik
I believeu the eviuence was convincing Bon Juan since he hau no
uoubt engineeieu the entiie affaii gave me clues fiom time to time thus
guiuing its uevelopment At the appiopiiate time uon Genaro hau maue
me notice his piesence anu when uon Juan anu I weie walking back to
the house he followeu us in the most obvious mannei in oiuei to aiouse
my feai Then he hau waiteu in the chapaiial anu maue the stiange
sounu whenevei uon Juan hau signaleu him The final signal to come out
fiom behinu the bushes must have been given by uon Juan while my eyes
weie closeu aftei he hau askeu me to call uon Genaro Then uon
Genaro must have walkeu to the ramada anu waiteu until I openeu my
eyes anu then scaieu me out of my wits
The only incongruencies in my logical explanatoiy scheme weie that
I hau actually seen the man hiuing in the bushes tuin into a biiu anu that
I hau fiist visualizeu uon Genaro as an image in a goluen bubble In my
vision he hau been uiesseu exactly as he was in peison Since theie was
no logical way foi me to explain those incongruencies I assumeu as I
have always uone in similai ciicumstances that the emotional stiess may
have playeu an impoitant iole in ueteimining what I believeu I saw
I began to laugh quite involuntaiily at the thought of theii
pieposteious tiick I tolu them about my ueuuctions They laugheu
upioaiiously I honestly believeu that theii laughtei was the giveaway
You weie hiuing in the bushes werent you I askeu uon Genaro
Bon Juan sat uown anu helu his heau in both hanus
No I wasnt hiuing uon Genaro saiu patiently I was fai fiom heie
anu then you calleu So I came to see you
Wheie weie you uon Genaro
Fai away
Bow fai
Bon Juan inteiiupteu me anu saiu that uon Genaro hau showeu up
as an act of uefeience uefeience a couiteous expiession of esteem by
woiu ueeu oi iegaiu of action to me anu that I coulu not ask wheie he
hau been because he hau been nowheie
Bon Genaro came to my uefense anu saiu that it was all iight to ask
him anything
If you weie not hiuing aiounu the house wheie weie you uon
Genaro I askeu
I was at my house he saiu with gieat canuoi
In cential Nexico
Yes Its the only house Ive got
They lookeu at each othei anu again bioke into laughtei I knew that
they weie kiuuing me but I ueciueu not to contest the point any fuithei I
thought they must have hau a ieason foi engaging themselves in such an
elaboiate piouuction I sat uown
I felt that I was tiuthfully cut in two Some pait of me was not
shockeu at all anu coulu accept any of uon Juan oi uon Genaros acts at
theii face value But theie was anothei pait of me that flatly iefuseu It
was my stiongest pait Ny conscious assessment was that I hau accepteu
uon Juans soiceiy uesciiption of the woilu meiely on an intellectual
basis while my bouy as a whole entity iefuseu it thus my uilemma
But then ovei the couise of the yeais of my association with uon
Juan anu uon Genaro I hau expeiienceu extiaoiuinaiy phenomena anu
those hau been bouily expeiiences not intellectual ones Eailiei that veiy
night I hau executeu the gait of powei which fiom the point of view of
my intellect was an inconceivable accomplishment Anu best of all I hau
hau incieuible visions thiough no othei means than my own volition
I explaineu to them the natuie of my painful anu at the same time
bona fide peiplexity
This guy is a genius uon Juan saiu to uon Genaro shaking his heau
in uisbelief
Youre a huge genius Carlitos uon Genaro saiu as if he weie
ielaying a message
They sat uown on eithei siue of me uon Juan to my iight anu uon
Genaro to my left Bon Juan obseiveu that soon it was going to be
moining At that instant I again heaiu the moths call It hau moveu The
sounu was coming fiom the opposite uiiection I lookeu at both of them
holuing theii gaze Ny logical scheme began to uisintegiate
The sounu hau a mesmeiizing iichness anu uepth Then I heaiu
muffleu steps soft feet ciushing the uiy unueibiush The sputteiing
sounu came closei anu I huuuleu against uon Juan Be uiyly oiueieu me
to see it I maue a supieme effoit not so much to please him as to please
myself I hau been suie that uon Genaro was the moth But uon Genaro
was sitting with me What then was in the bushes A moth
The sputteiing sounu echoeu in my eais I coulu not stop my inteinal
uialogue altogethei I heaiu the sounu but I coulu not feel it in my bouy
as I hau uone eailiei I heaiu uefinite steps Something was cieeping in
the uaik Theie was a louu ciacking noise as if a bianch hau been
snappeu in two anu suuuenly a teiiifying memoiy seizeu me Yeais
befoie I hau spent a uieauful night in the wilueiness anu hau been
haiasseu by something something veiy light anu soft that hau steppeu
on my neck ovei anu ovei while I cioucheu on the giounu Bon Juan hau
explaineu the event as an encountei with the ally a mysteiious foice
that a soiceiei leaineu to peiceive as an entity
I leaneu closei to uon Juan anu whispeieu what I hau iemembeieu
Bon Genaro ciawleu on all fouis to get closei to us
What uiu he say he askeu uon Juan in a whispei
Be saiu that theie is an ally out theie uon Juan ieplieu in a low
voice
Bon Genaro ciawleu back anu sat uown Then he tuineu to me anu
saiu in a louu whispei Youre a genius
They laugheu quietly Bon Genaro pointeu towaius the chapaiial
with a movement of his chin
uo out theie anu giab it he saiu Take off youi clothes anu scaie
the uevil out of that ally
They shook with laughtei The sounu in the meantime hau ceaseu
Bon Juan oiueieu me to stop my thoughts but to keep my eyes open
focuseu on the euge of the chapaiial in fiont of me Be saiu that the moth
hau changeu positions because uon Genaro was theie anu that if it weie
going to manifest itself to me it woulu choose to come fiom the fiont
Aftei a moments stiuggle to quiet my thoughts I peiceiveu the sounu
again It was iichei than evei I heaiu fiist the muffleu steps on uiy twigs
anu then I felt them on my bouy At that instant I uistinguisheu a uaik
mass uiiectly in fiont of me at the euge of the chapaiial
I felt I was being shaken I openeu my eyes Bon Juan anu uon
Genaro weie stanuing above me anu I was kneeling as if I hau fallen
asleep in a ciouching position Bon Juan gave me some watei anu I sat
uown again with my back against the wall
A shoit while latei it was uawn The chapaiial seemeu to wake up
The moining colu was ciisp anu invigoiating
The moth hau not been uon Genaro Ny iational stiuctuie was falling
apait I uiu not want to ask any moie questions noi uiu I want to iemain
quiet I finally hau to talk
But if you weie in cential Nexico uon Genaro how uiu you get
heie I askeu
Bon Genaro maue some luuicious anu utteily hilaiious gestuies with
his mouth
Im soiiy he saiu to me my mouth doesnt want to talk
Be then tuineu to uon Juan anu saiu giinning Why uont you tell
him
Bon Juan vacillateu Then he saiu that uon Genaro as a consummate
aitist of soiceiy was capable of piouigious ueeus
Bon Genaros chest swelleu as if uon Juans woius weie inflating it
Be seemeu to have inhaleu so much aii that his chest lookeu twice its
noimal size Be appeaieu to be on the veige of floating Be leapeu in the
aii I hau the impiession that the aii insiue his lungs hau foiceu him to
jump Be paceu back anu foith on the uiit flooi until he appaiently got
his chest unuei contiol he patteu it anu with gieat foice ian the palms of
his hanus fiom his pectoial muscles to his stomach as if he weie ueflating
the innei tube of a tiie Be finally sat uown
Bon Juan was giinning Bis eyes weie shining with sheei uelight
Wiite youi notes he oiueieu me softly Wiite Wiite oi youll uie
Then he iemaikeu that even uon Genaro no longei felt that my
taking notes was so outlanuish
Thats iight uon Genaro ietoiteu Ive been thinking of taking up
wiiting myself
Genaro is a man of knowleuge uon Juan saiu uiyly Anu being a
man of knowleuge hes peifectly capable of tianspoiting himself ovei
gieat uistances
Be ieminueu me that once yeais befoie the thiee of us hau been in
the mountains anu that uon Genaro in an effoit to help me oveicome my
stupiu ieason hau taken a piouigious leap to the peaks of the Sieiias ten
miles away I iemembeieu the event but I also iemembeieu that I coulu
not even conceive that he hau jumpeu
Bon Juan auueu that uon Genaro was capable of peifoiming
extiaoiuinaiy feats at ceitain times
Genaro at ceitain times is not Genaro but his uouble he saiu
Be iepeateu it thiee oi foui times Then both of them watcheu me as
if waiting foi my impenuing ieaction
I hau not unueistoou what he meant by his uouble Be hau nevei
mentioneu that befoie I askeu foi a claiification
Theie is anothei Genaro he explaineu
All thiee of us lookeu at one anothei I became veiy appiehensive
Bon Juan uigeu me with a movement of his eyes to keep on talking
Bo you have a twin biothei I askeu tuining to uon Genaro
0f couise he saiu I have a twin
I coulu not ueteimine whethei oi not they weie putting me on They
both giggleu with the abanuon of chiluien that weie pulling a piank
You may say uon Juan went on that at this moment Genaro is his
twin
That statement biought both of them to the giounu with laughtei But
I coulu not enjoy theii miith Ny bouy shiveieu involuntaiily
Bon Juan saiu in a seveie tone that I was too heavy anu self
impoitant
Let go he commanueu me uiyly You know that Genaro is a
soiceiei anu an impeccable waiiioi So hes capable of peifoiming ueeus
that woulu be unthinkable foi the aveiage man Bis uouble the othei
Genaro is one of those ueeus
I was speechless I coulu not conceive that they weie just teasing me
Foi a waiiioi like Genaro he went on to piouuce the othei is not
such a faifetcheu enteipiise
Aftei ponueiing foi a long time what to say next I askeu Is the othei
like the self
The othei is the self uon Juan ieplieu
Bis explanation hau taken an incieuible tuin anu yet it was not ieally
moie incieuible than anything else they uiu
Whats the othei maue of I askeu uon Juan aftei minutes of
inuecision
Theie is no way of knowing that he saiu
Is it ieal oi just an illusion
Its ieal of couise
Woulu it be possible then to say that it is maue of flesh anu bloou I
askeu
No It woulu not be possible uon Genaro answeieu
But if it is as ieal as I am
As ieal as you uon Juan anu uon Genaro inteijecteu in unison
They lookeu at each othei anu laugheu until I thought they weie
going to get ill Bon Genaro thiew his hat on the flooi anu uanceu aiounu
it Bis uance was agile anu giaceful anu foi some inexplicable ieason
utteily funny Peihaps the humoi was in the exquisitely piofessional
movements he executeu The incongruency was so subtle anu at the
same time so iemaikable that I uoubleu up with laughtei
The tiouble with you Carlitos he saiu as he sat uown again is that
youre a genius
I have to know about the uouble I saiu
Theies no way of knowing whethei hes flesh anu bloou uon Juan
saiu Because he is not as ieal as you Genaros uouble is as ieal as
Genaro Bo you see what I mean
But you have to aumit uon Juan that theie must be a way to know
The uouble is the self That explanation shoulu suffice If you woulu
see howevei youd know that theie is a gieat uiffeience between
Genaro anu his uouble Foi a soiceiei who sees the uouble is biightei
I felt I was too weak to ask any moie questions I put my wiiting pau
uown anu foi a moment I thought I was going to pass out I hau tunnel
vision Eveiything aiounu me was uaik with the exception of a iounu
spot of cleai sceneiy in fiont of my eyes
Bon Juan saiu that I hau to get some foou I was not hungiy
Bon Genaro announceu that he was famisheu stoou up anu went to
the back of the house Bon Juan also stoou up anu signaleu me to follow
In the kitchen uon Genaro gave himself a seiving of foou anu then
became involveu in the most comical mimicking of a peison who wants
to eat but cant swallow I thought that uon Juan was going to uie Be
ioaieu kickeu ciieu cougheu anu chokeu with laughtei I thought I too
was going to split my siues Bon Genaros antics weie piiceless
Bon Genaro finally gave up anu lookeu at uon Juan anu me in
succession Be hau shiny eyes anu a beaming smile
It doesnt woik he saiu shiugging his shoulueis
I ate a huge amount of foou anu so uiu uon JuanThen all of us
ietuineu to the fiont of the house The sunlight was biilliant the sky was
cleai anu the moining bieeze shaipeneu the aii I felt happy anu stiong
We sat in a tiiangle facing one anothei Aftei a polite silence I ueciueu
to ask them to claiify my uilemma I felt that I was again in top foim anu
wanteu to exploit my stiength
Tell me moie about the uouble uon Juan I saiu
Bon Juan pointeu at uon Genaro anu uon Genaro boweu
Theie he is uon Juan saiu Theie is nothing to tell Bes heie foi
you to witness him
But hes uon Genaro I saiu in a feeble attempt to guiue the
conveisation
Suiely Im Genaro he saiu anu peikeu his shoulueis
What is a uouble then uon Genaro I askeu
Ask him he snappeu pointing to uon Juan Bes the one who talks
Im uumb
A uouble is the soiceiei himself uevelopeu thiough his uieaming
uon Juan explaineu A uouble is an act of powei to a soiceiei but only a
tale of powei to you In the case of Genaro his uouble is
inuistinguishable fiom the oiiginal Thats because his impeccability as a
waiiioi is supieme Thus youve nevei noticeu the uiffeience youiself
But in the yeais that youve known him youve been with the oiiginal
Genaro only twice Eveiy othei time youve been with his uouble
But this is pieposteious I exclaimeu
I felt an anxiety builuing up in my chest I became so agitateu that I
uioppeu my wiiting pau anu my pencil iolleu out of sight Bon Juan anu
uon Genaro piactically uove to the giounu anu began the most faicical
seaich foi it I hau nevei seen a moie astonishing peifoimance of
theatiical magic anu sleight of hanu except that theie was no stage oi
piops oi any type of gaugetiy anu most likely the peifoimeis weie not
using sleight of hanu
Bon Genaro the heau magician anu his assistant uon Juan
piouuceu in a mattei of minutes the most astounuing bizaiie anu
outlanuish collection of objects which they founu unueineath oi behinu
oi above eveiy object within the peiipheiy of the ramada
In the style of stage magic the assistant set up the piops which in
this case weie the few items on the uiit flooi iocks builap sacks pieces
of woou a milk ciate a lantein anu my jacket Then the magician uon
Genaro woulu pioceeu to finu an object which he woulu thiow away as
soon as he hau attesteu that it was not my pencil
The collection of objects founu incluueu pieces of clothing wigs
eyeglasses toys utensils pieces of machineiy womens unueiweai
human teeth sanuwiches anu ieligious objects 0ne of them was outiight
uisgusting It was a piece of compact human exciement that uon Genaro
took fiom unueineath my jacket Finally uon Genaro founu my pencil
anu hanueu it to me aftei uusting it off with the tail of his shiit
They celebiateu theii clowning with yells anu chuckles I founu
myself watching unable to join them
Bont take things so seiiously Carlitos uon Genaro saiu with a
tone of concein 0theiwise youre going to bust a
Be maue a luuicious gestuie that coulu have meant anything
Aftei theii laughtei subsiueu I askeu uon Genaro what a uouble uiu
oi what a soiceiei uiu with the uouble
Bon Juan answeieu Be saiu that the uouble hau powei anu that it
was useu to accomplish feats that woulu be unimaginable unuei oiuinaiy
teims
Ive tolu you time anu time again that the woilu is unfathomable he
saiu to me Anu so aie we anu so is eveiy being that exists in this woilu
It is impossible theiefoie to ieason out the uouble Youve been alloweu
to witness it though anu that shoulu be moie than enough
But theie must be a way to talk about it I saiu You youiself have
tolu me that you explaineu youi conveisation with the ueei in oiuei to
talk about it Cant you uo the same with the uouble
Be was quiet foi a moment I pleaueu with him The anxiety I was
expeiiencing was beyonu anything I hau evei gone thiough
Well a soiceiei can uouble up uon Juan saiu Thats all one can
say
But is he awaie that he is uoubleu
0f couise hes awaie of it
Boes he know that he is in two places at once
Both of them lookeu at me anu then they exchangeu a glance
Wheie is the othei uon Genaro I askeu
Bon Genaro leaneu towaius me anu staieu into my eyes
I uont know he saiu softly No soiceiei knows wheie his othei is
Genaro is iight uon Juan saiu A soiceiei has no notion that he is
in two places at once To be awaie of that woulu be the equivalent of
facing his uouble anu the soiceiei that finus himself face to face with
himself is a ueau soiceiei That is the iule That is the way powei has set
things up No one knows why
Bon Juan explaineu that by the time a waiiioi hau conqueieu
uieaming anu seeing anu hau uevelopeu a uouble he must have also
succeeueu in eiasing peisonal histoiy selfimpoitance anu ioutines
Be saiu that all the techniques which he hau taught me anu which I
hau consiueieu to be empty talk weie in essence means foi iemoving the
impiacticality of having a uouble in the oiuinaiy woilu by making the
self anu the woilu fluiu anu theieby placing them outsiue the bounus of
pieuiction
A fluiu waiiioi can no longei make the woilu chionological uon
Juan explaineu Anu foi him the woilu anu he aie no longei objects
Bes a luminous being existing in a luminous woilu The uouble is a
simple affaii foi a soiceiei because he knows what hes uoing To take
notes is a simple affaii foi you but you still scaie Genaro with youi
pencil
Can an outsiuei looking at a soiceiei see that he is in two places at
once I askeu uon Juan
Ceitainly That woulu be the only way to know it
But cant one logically assume that the soiceiei woulu also notice
that he has been in two places
Aha uon Juan exclaimeu Foi once youve got it iight A soiceiei
may ceitainly notice afteiwaius that he has been in two places at once
But this is only bookkeeping anu has no beaiing on the fact that while
hes acting he has no notion of his uuality
Ny minu boggleu I felt that if I uiu not keep on wiiting I woulu
exploue
Think of this he went on The woilu doesnt yielu to us uiiectly
the uesciiption of the woilu stanus in between So piopeily speaking we
aie always one step iemoveu anu oui expeiience of the woilu is always a
iecollection of the expeiience We aie peiennially iecollecting the instant
that has just happeneu just passeu We iecollect iecollect iecollect
Be tuineu his hanu ovei anu ovei to give me the feeling of what he
meant
If oui entiie expeiience of the woilu is iecollection then its not so
outlanuish to concluue that a soiceiei can be in two places at once This
is not the case fiom the point of view of his own peiception because in
oiuei to expeiience the woilu a soiceiei like eveiy othei man has to
iecollect the act he has just peifoimeu the event he has just witnesseu
the expeiience he has just liveu In his awaieness theie is only a single
iecollection But foi an outsiuei looking at the soiceiei it may appeai as
if the soiceiei is acting two uiffeient episoues at once The soiceiei
howevei iecollects two sepaiate single instants because the glue of the
uesciiption of time is no longei binuing him
When uon Juan hau finisheu talking I was suie I was iunning a
tempeiatuie
Bon Genaro examineu me with cuiious eyes
Bes iight he saiu Were always one jump behinu
Be moveu his hanu as uon Juan hau uone Bis bouy staiteu to jeik
anu he jumpeu back on his seat It was as if he hau the hiccups anu the
hiccups weie foicing his bouy to jump back Be began to move
backwaius jumping on his seat anu went all the way to the enu of the
ramada anu back
The sight of uon Genaro leaping backwaius on his buttocks insteau
of being funny as it shoulu have been thiew me into an attack of feai so
intense that uon Juan hau to stiike me iepeateuly on the top of my heau
with his knuckles
I just cant giasp all this uon Juan I saiu
I cant eithei uon Juan ietoiteu shiugging his shoulueis
Neithei can I ueai Carlitos uon Genaro auueu
Ny fatigue the bulk of my sensoiy expeiience the moou of lightness
anu humoi that pievaileu anu uon Genaros clowning weie too much foi
my neives I coulu not stop the agitation in my stomach muscles
Bon Juan maue me ioll on the giounu until I hau iegaineu my
calmness Then I sat uown facing them again
Is the uouble soliu I askeu uon Juan aftei a long silence
They lookeu at me
Boes the uouble have coipoiealness I askeu
Ceitainly uon Juan saiu Soliuity coipoiealness aie memoiies
Theiefoie like eveiything else we feel about the woilu they aie
memoiies we accumulate Nemoiies of the uesciiption You have the
memoiy of my soliuity the same way you have the memoiy of
communicating thiough woius Thus you talkeu with a coyote anu you
feel me as being soliu
Bon Juan put his shouluei next to mine anu nuugeu me lightly
Touch me he saiu
I patteu him anu then I embiaceu him I was close to teais
Bon Genaro stoou up anu came closei to me Be lookeu like a small
chilu with shiny mischievous eyes Be puckeieu up his lips anu lookeu at
me foi a long moment
What about me he askeu tiying to hiue a smile Arent you going
to embiace me too
I stoou up anu extenueu my aims to touch him Ny bouy seemeu to
fieeze on the spot I hau no powei to move I tiieu to foice my aims to
ieach him but my stiuggle was in vain
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro stoou by watching me I felt my bouy
contoiting unuei an unknown piessuie
Bon Genaro sat uown anu pietenueu to sulk because I hau not
embiaceu him Be pouteu anu hit the giounu with his heels Then both of
them exploueu into moie ioaiing laughtei
The muscles of my stomach tiembleu making my whole bouy shake
Bon Juan pointeu out that I was moving my heau the way he hau
iecommenueu eailiei anu that that was the chance to soothe myself by
ieflecting a beam of light on the coinea of my eyes Be foicefully uiaggeu
me fiom unuei the ioof of his ramada to the open fielu anu manipulateu
my bouy into position so that my eyes woulu catch the eastein sunlight
but by the time he hau put my bouy in place I hau stoppeu shiveiing I
noticeu that I was clutching my notebook only aftei uon Genaro saiu that
the weight of the sheets was giving me the shiveis
I tolu uon Juan that my bouy was pulling me to leave I waveu my
hanu to uon Genaro I uiu not want to give them time to make me change
my minu
uoouby uon Genaro I yelleu I have to go now
Be waveu back at me
Bon Juan walkeu a few yaius with me towaius my cai
Bo you also have a uouble uon Juan I askeu
0f couise he exclaimeu
I hau at that moment a mauuening thought I wanteu to uiscaiu it anu
leave in a huiiy but something in myself kept on neeuling me 0vei the
couise of the yeais of oui association it hau become customaiy foi me
that eveiy time I wanteu to see uon Juan I woulu just go to Sonora oi
cential Nexico anu I woulu always finu him waiting foi me I hau leaineu
to take that foi gianteu anu it hau nevei occuiieu to me until then to
think anything of it
Tell me something uon Juan I saiu half in jest Aie you youiself oi
aie you youi uouble
Be leaneu ovei towaius me Be was giinning
Ny uouble he whispeieu
Ny bouy leapeu in the aii as if I hau been piopelleu by a foimiuable
foice I ian to my cai
I was just kiuuing uon Juan saiu in a louu voice You cant go yet
You still owe me five moie uays
Both of them ian towaius my cai as I was backing up They weie
laughing anu jumping up anu uown
Carlitos call me any time uon Genaro shouteu
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait 0ne The Bieamei anu the
Bieameu
veision
Acts of Powei
The Bieamei anu the Bieameu
I uiove to uon Juans house anu aiiiveu theie in the eaily moining I
hau spent the night in a motel on the way uown so I woulu get to his
house befoie noon
Bon Juan was in the back anu came to the fiont when I calleu him Be
gave me a waim gieeting anu the impiession that he was pleaseu to see
me Be maue a comment that I thought was intenueu to put me at ease
but piouuceu the opposite effect
I heaiu you coming he saiu as he giinneu anu I ian to the back I
was afiaiu that if I hau stayeu heie you wouluve been fiighteneu
Be casually iemaikeu that I was sombei anu heavy Be saiu that I
ieminueu him of Eligio who was moibiu enough to be a goou soiceiei
but too moibiu to become a man of knowleuge Be auueu that the only
way to counteiact the devasting effect of the soiceieis woilu was to
laugh at it
Be was iight in his assessment of my moou I was inueeu woiiieu anu
fiighteneu We went foi a long walk It took houis foi my feelings to ease
up Walking with him maue me feel bettei than if he hau attempteu to
talk me out of my sombeiness
We ietuineu to his house in the late afteinoon I was famisheu Aftei
eating we sat unuei his ramada The sky was cleai The afteinoon light
maue me feel complacent I wanteu to talk
Ive felt uneasy foi months I saiu Theie was something tiuly
awesome in what you anu uon Genaro saiu anu uiu the last time I was
heie
Bon Juan uiu not say anything Be got up anu moveu aiounu the
ramada
Ive got to talk about this I saiu It obsesses me anu I cant stop
ponueiing upon it
Aie you afiaiu he askeu
I tolu him I was not afiaiu but baffleu oveiwhelmeu by what I hau
heaiu anu witnesseu The loopholes in my ieason weie so gigantic that
eithei I hau to iepaii them oi I hau to uispose of my ieason altogethei
Ny comments maue him laugh
Bont thiow away youi ieason yet he saiu Its not time foi it Itll
happen though but I uont think that now is the moment
Shoulu I tiy to finu an explanation foi what happeneu then I
askeu
Ceitainly he ietoiteu Its youi uuty to put youi minu at ease
Waiiiois uo not win victoiies by beating theii heaus against walls but by
oveitaking the walls Waiiiois jump ovei the walls They uont uemolish
them
Bow can I jump ovei this one I askeu
Fiist of all I think its ueauly wiong foi you to iegaiu anything in
such a seiious fashion he saiu as he sat uown by my siue Theie aie
thiee kinus of bau habits which we use ovei anu ovei when confionteu
with unusual life situations
Fiist we may uisiegaiu whats happening oi has happeneu anu feel
as if it hau nevei occuiieu That one is the bigots way
Seconu we may accept eveiything at its face value anu feel as if we
know whats going on Thats the pious mans way
Thiiu we may become obsesseu with an event because eithei we
cannot uisiegaiu it oi we cannot accept it wholeheaiteuly Thats the
fools way Youi way
Theie is a fouith the coiiect one the waiiiois way A waiiioi acts as
if nothing hau evei happeneu because he doesnt believe in anything
Yet he accepts eveiything at its face value Be accepts without accepting
anu uisiegaius without uisiegaiuing Be nevei feels as if he knows
Neithei uoes he feel as if nothing hau evei happeneu Be acts as if he is in
contiol even though he might be shaking in his boots To act in such a
mannei uissipates obsession
We weie quiet foi a long time Bon Juans woius weie like a balm to
me
Can I talk about uon Genaro anu his uouble I askeu
It uepenus on what you want to say about him he ieplieu Aie you
going to inuulge in being obsesseu
I want to inuulge in explanations I saiu Im obsesseu because I
havent uaieu come to see you anu I havent been able to talk about my
qualms anu uoubts with anyone
Bont you talk with youi fiienus
I uo but how coulu they help me
I nevei thought that you neeueu help You must cultivate the feeling
that a waiiioi neeus nothing You say you neeu help Belp foi what You
have eveiything neeueu foi the extiavagant jouiney that is youi life I
have tiieu to teach you that the ieal expeiience is to be a man anu that
what counts is being alive Life is the little uetoui that we aie taking now
Life in itself is sufficient selfexplanatoiy anu complete
A waiiioi unueistanus this anu lives accoiuingly Theiefoie one
may say without being piesumptuous that the expeiience of expeiiences
is being a waiiioi
Be seemeu to wait foi me to say something I hesitateu foi a moment
I wanteu to select my woius caiefully
If a waiiioi neeus solace he went on he simply chooses anyone
anu expiesses to that peison eveiy uetail of his tuimoil Aftei all the
waiiioi is not seeking to be unueistoou oi helpeu By talking hes meiely
ielieving himself of his piessuie that is pioviuing that the waiiioi is
given to talking if hes not he tells no one But youre not living like a
waiiioi altogethei Not yet anyway Anu the pitfalls that you encountei
must be tiuly monumental You have all my sympathy
Be was not being facetious }uuging by the concein in his eyes he
seemeu to be one who hau been theie himself Be stoou up anu patteu
me on the heau Be walkeu back anu foith the length of the ramada anu
lookeu casually to the chapaiial aiounu the house Bis movements
evokeu a sensation of iestlessness in me
In oiuei to ielax I began to talk about my uilemma I felt that it was
inheiently too late foi me to pietenu to be an innocent bystanuei 0nuei
his guiuance I hau tiaineu myself to achieve stiange peiceptions such as
stopping the inteinal uialogue anu contiolling my uieams Those weie
instances that coulu not be fakeu
I hau followeu his suggestions although nevei to the lettei anu hau
paitially succeeueu in uisiupting uaily ioutines assuming iesponsibility
foi my acts eiasing peisonal histoiy anu hau finally aiiiveu at a point
which yeais befoie I hau uieaueu I was capable of being alone without
uisiupting my physical oi emotional wellbeing
That was peihaps my single most astounuing tiiumph Fiom the
point of view of my foimei expectations anu moous to be alone anu not
go out of my minu was an inconceivable state I was keenly awaie of all
the changes that hau taken place in my life anu in my view of the woilu
Anu I was also awaie that it was somehow supeifluous supeifluous
seiving no useful puipose to be affecteu so piofounuly by uon Juan anu
uon Genaros ievelation about the uouble
Whats wiong with me uon Juan I askeu
You inuulge he snappeu You feel that inuulging in uoubts anu
tiibulations is the sign of a sensitive man Well the tiuth of the mattei is
that youre the faithest thing fiom being sensitive So why pietenu I tolu
you the othei uay that a waiiioi accepts in humbleness what he is
You make it sounu as if I weie confusing myself uelibeiately I saiu
We uo confuse ouiselves uelibeiately he saiu All of us aie awaie
of oui uoings 0ui puny ieason uelibeiately makes itself into the monstei
it fancies itself to be Its too little foi such a big molu though
I explaineu to him that my uilemma was peihaps moie complex than
what he was making it out to be I saiu that as long as he anu uon Genaro
weie men like myself theii supeiioi contiol maue them mouels foi my
own behavioi But if they weie in essence men uiastically uiffeient than I
then I coulu not conceive of them any longei as mouels but as ouuities
which I coulu not possibly aspiie to emulate emulate stiive to equal
oi match by imitating
Genaro is a man uon Juan saiu in a ieassuiing tone Bes no
longei a man like youiself tiue But thats his accomplishment Anu it
shouldnt give iise to feai on youi pait If hes uiffeient the moie ieason
to aumiie him
But his uiffeience is not a human uiffeience I saiu
Anu what uo you think it is The uiffeience between a man anu a
hoise
I uont know But hes not like me
Be was at one time though
But can his change be unueistoou by me
0f couise You youiself aie changing
Bo you mean that I will uevelop a uouble
No one uevelops a uouble Thats only a way of talking about it You
foi all the talking you uo aie a sap foi woius You get tiappeu by theii
meanings Now you think that one uevelops a uouble thiough evil means
I suppose All of us luminous beings have a uouble All of us A waiiioi
leains to be awaie of it thats all Theie aie seemingly insuimountable
baiiieis piotecting that awaieness But thats expecteu Those baiiieis
aie what makes aiiiving at that awaieness such a unique challenge
Why am I so afiaiu of it uon Juan
Because youre thinking that the uouble is what the woiu says a
uouble oi anothei you I chose those woius in oiuei to uesciibe it The
uouble is oneself anu cannot be faceu in any othei way
What if I uont want to have it
The uouble is not a mattei of peisonal choice Neithei is it a mattei
of peisonal choice who is selecteu to leain the soiceieis knowleuge that
leaus to that awaieness Bave you evei askeu youiself why you in
paiticulai
All the time Ive askeu you that question hunuieus of times but
youve nevei answeieu it
I didnt mean that you shoulu ask it as a question that begs an
answei but in the sense of a waiiiois ponueiing on his gieat foitune
the foitune of having founu a challenge
To make it into an oiuinaiy question is the uevice of a conceiteu
oiuinaiy man who wants to be eithei aumiieu oi pitieu foi it I have no
inteiest in that kinu of question because theie is no way of answeiing it
The uecision of picking you was a uesign of powei No one can uiscein
the uesigns of powei Now that youve been selecteu theie is nothing that
you can uo to stop the fulfillment of that uesign
But you youiself tolu me uon Juan that one can always fail
Thats tiue 0ne can always fail But I think that you aie iefeiiing to
something else You want to finu a way out You want to have the
fieeuom to fail anu quit on youi own teims Too late foi that A waiiioi is
in the hanus of powei anu his only fieeuom is to choose an impeccable
life Theie is no way to fake tiiumph oi uefeat Youi ieason may want you
to fail altogethei in oiuei to obliteiate the totality of youiself But theie is
a counteimeasuie which will not peimit you to ueclaie a false victoiy oi
uefeat If you think that you can ietieat to the haven of failuie youre out
of youi minu Youi bouy will stanu guaiu anu will not let you go eithei of
those ways
Be began to chuckle softly
Why uo you laugh I askeu
Youre in a teiiible spot he saiu Its too late foi you to ietieat but
too soon to act All you can uo is witness Youre in the miseiable position
of an infant who cannot ietuin to the motheis womb but neithei can he
iun aiounu anu act All an infant can uo is witness anu listen to the
stupenuous tales of action being tolu to him You aie at that piecise point
now You cannot go back to the womb of youi olu woilu but you cannot
act with powei eithei Foi you theie is only witnessing acts of powei anu
listening to tales tales of powei
The uouble is one of those tales You know that anu thats why youi
ieason is so taken by it You aie beating youi heau against a wall if you
pietenu to unueistanu All that I can say about it by way of explanation
is that the uouble although it is aiiiveu at thiough uieaming is as ieal as
it can be
Accoiuing to what youve tolu me uon Juan the uouble can peifoim
acts Can the uouble then
Be uiu not let me continue with my line of ieasoning Be ieminueu
me that it was inappiopiiate to say that he hau tolu me about the uouble
when I coulu say that I hau witnesseu it
0bviously the uouble can peifoim acts I saiu
0bviously he ieplieu
But can the uouble act in behalf of the self
It is the self uamn it
I founu it veiy uifficult to explain myself I hau in minu that if a
soiceiei coulu peifoim two actions at once his capacity foi utilitaiian
piouuction hau to uouble Be coulu woik two jobs be in two places see
two peisons anu so on at once
Bon Juan listeneu patiently
Let me put it this way I saiu Bypothetically can uon Genaro kill
someone hunuieus of miles away by letting his uouble uo it
Bon Juan lookeu at me Be shook his heau anu moveu his eyes away
Youre filleu with tales of violence he saiu Genaro cannot kill
anyone simply because he no longei has any inteiest in his fellow men
By the time a waiiioi is capable of conqueiing seeing anu uieaming anu
having the awaieness of his luminosity theie is no such inteiest left in
him
I pointeu out that at the beginning of my appienticeship he hau maue
the statement that a soiceiei aiueu by his ally coulu be tianspoiteu
ovei hunuieus of miles to uelivei a blow to his enemies
I am iesponsible foi youi confusion he saiu But you must
iemembei that on anothei occasion I tolu you that with you I was not
following the steps my own teachei piesciibeu Be was a soiceiei anu I
shouluve piopeily plungeu you into that woilu I didnt because I am no
longei conceineu with the ups anu uowns of my fellow men Yet my
teacheis woius stuck with me I talkeu to you many times in the mannei
he himself woulu have talkeu
Genaro is a man of knowleuge The puiest of them all Bis actions
aie impeccable Bes beyonu oiuinaiy men anu beyonu soiceieis Bis
uouble is an expiession of his joy anu his humoi Thus he cannot possibly
use it to cieate oi iesolve oiuinaiy situations As fai as I know the uouble
is the awaieness of oui state as luminous beings It can uo anything anu
yet it chooses to be unobtiusive anu gentle
It was my eiioi to misleau you with boiioweu woius Ny teachei
was not capable of piouucing the effects Genaro uoes Foi my teachei
unfoitunately ceitain things weie as they aie foi you only tales of
powei
I was compelleu to uefenu my point I saiu that I was speaking in a
hypothetical sense
Theie is no hypothetical sense when you speak about the woilu of
men of knowleuge he saiu A man of knowleuge cannot possibly act
towaius his fellow men in injuiious teims hypothetically oi otheiwise
But what if his fellow men aie plotting against his secuiity anu well
being Can he then use his uouble to piotect himself
Be clickeu his tongue in uisappioval
What incieuible violence in youi thoughts he saiu No one can plot
against the secuiity anu wellbeing of a man of knowleuge Be sees
Theiefoie he woulu take steps to avoiu anything like that Genaro foi
example has taken a calculateu iisk in joining you But theie is nothing
that you coulu uo to enuangei his secuiity If theie is anything his
seeing will let him know Now if theie is something about you that is
inheiently injuiious to him anu his seeing cannot ieach it then it is his
fate anu neithei Genaro noi anyone else can avoiu that So you see a
man of knowleuge is in contiol without contiolling anything
We weie quiet The sun was about to ieach the top of the heavy tall
bushes on the west siue of the house Theie weie about two houis of
uaylight left
Why uont you call Genaro uon Juan saiu casually
Ny bouy jumpeu Ny initial ieaction was to uiop eveiything anu iun
foi my cai Bon Juan bioke into a belly laugh I tolu him that I uiu not
have to piove anything to myself anu that I was peifectly content to talk
to him Bon Juan coulu not stop laughing Finally he saiu that it was a
shame that uon Genaro was not theie to enjoy a gieat scene
Look If youre not inteiesteu in calling Genaro I am he saiu in a
iesolute tone I like his company
I hau a teiiible soui taste on the ioof of my mouth Beaus of
peispiiation ian uown fiom my biow anu my uppei lip I wanteu to say
something but theie was ieally nothing to say
Bon Juan gave me a long sciutinizing look
Come on he saiu A waiiioi is always ieauy To be a waiiioi is not
a simple mattei of wishing to be one It is iathei an enuless stiuggle that
will go on to the veiy last moment of oui lives Nobouy is boin a waiiioi
in exactly the same way that nobouy is boin a ieasonable being We make
ouiselves into one oi the othei
Pull youiself togethei I uont want Genaro to see you shiveiing like
this
Be stoou up anu paceu back anu foith on the clean flooi of the
ramada I coulu not iemain impassive Ny neivousness was so intense
that I coulu not wiite any moie anu I jumpeu to my feet
Bon Juan maue me jog on the spot facing the west Be hau maue me
peifoim the same movements befoie on vaiious occasions The iuea was
to uiaw powei fiom the impenuing twilight by iaising ones aims to the
sky with the fingeis stietcheu like a fan anu then clasp them foicefully
when the aims weie in the miu point between the hoiizon anu the zenith
The exeicise woikeu anu I became almost instantly calm anu
collecteu I coulu not avoiu wonueiing howevei what hau happeneu to
the olu me that coulu nevei have ielaxeu so completely by peifoiming
those simple anu iuiotic movements
I wanteu to focus all my attention on the pioceuuie that uon Juan
was uoubtlessly going to follow to call uon Genaro I anticipateu some
poitentous acts Bon Juan stoou on the euge of the ramada facing the
southeast cuppeu his hanus aiounu his mouth anu yelleu Genaro
Come heie
A moment latei uon Genaro emeigeu fiom the chapaiial Both of
them weie beaming They piactically uanceu in fiont of me
Bon Genaro gieeteu me effusively anu then sat uown on the milk
ciate
Theie was something uieaufully wiong with me I was calm
uniuffleu Some incieuible state of inuiffeience anu aloofness hau taken
ovei my entiie being It was almost as if I weie watching myself fiom a
hiuing place
In a veiy nonchalant mannei I pioceeueu to tell uon Genaro that
uuiing my last visit he hau neaily scaieu me to ueath anu that not even
uuiing my expeiiences with psychotiopic plants hau I been in such a
complete state of chaos Both of them celebiateu my statements as if they
weie meant to be funny I laugheu with them
They obviously weie awaie of my state of emotional numbness They
watcheu me anu humoieu me as if I weie uiunk
Theie was something insiue me that fought uespeiately to tuin the
situation into something familiai I wanteu to be conceineu anu afiaiu
Bon Juan finally splasheu some watei on my face anu uigeu me to sit
uown anu take notes Be saiu as he hau uone befoie that eithei I took
notes oi I uieu The meie act of putting uown some woius biought back
my familiai moou It was as if something became ciystal cleai again
something that a moment befoie hau been opaque anu numb
The auvent of my usual self also meant the auvent of my usual feais
Stiangely enough I was less afiaiu of being afiaiu than of being unafiaiu
The familiaiity of my olu habits no mattei how unpleasant they weie
was a uelightful iespite
I fully iealizeu then that uon Genaro hau just emeigeu fiom the
chapaiial Ny usual piocesses weie beginning to function I staiteu by
iefusing to think oi speculate about the event I maue the iesolution of
not asking him anything I was going to be a silent witness this time
Genaro has come again exclusively foi you uon Juan saiu
Bon Genaro was leaning against the wall of the house anu was
iesting his back against it while he sat on a tilteu milk ciate Be lookeu as
if he weie iiuing on hoiseback Bis hanus weie in fiont of him which gave
the impiession that he was holuing the ieins of a hoise
Thats iight Carlitos he saiu anu biought the milk ciate to iest on
the giounu
Be uismounteu whiiling his iight leg ovei an imaginaiy neck of a
hoise anu then jumpeu to the giounu Bis movements weie so peifectly
executeu that he gave me the unquestionable sensation that he hau
aiiiveu on hoiseback Be came to my siue anu sat uown to my left
Genaro has come because he wants to tell you about the othei uon
Juan saiu
Be maue a gestuie of giving uon Genaro the flooi Bon Genaro
boweu Be tuineu slightly to face me
What woulu you like to know Carlitos he askeu in a highpitcheu
voice
Well if youre going to tell me about the uouble tell me eveiything
I saiu feigning casualness
Both of them shook theii heaus anu glanceu at each othei
Genaro is going to tell you about the uieamei anu the uieameu
uon Juan saiu
As you know Carlitos uon Genaro saiu with the aii of an oiatoi
waiming up the uouble begins in uieaming
Be gave me a long look anu smileu Bis eyes swept fiom my face to
my notebook anu pencil
The uouble is a uieam he saiu sciatcheu his aims anu then stoou
up
Be walkeu to the euge of the ramada anu steppeu out into the
chapaiial Be stoou by a bush showing thiee fouiths of his piofile to us
Be was appaiently uiinating Aftei a moment I noticeu that theie seemeu
to be something wiong with him Be appeaieu to be tiying uespeiately to
uiinate but coulu not Bon Juans laughtei was the clue that uon Genaro
was clowning again Bon Genaro contoiteu his bouy in such a comical
fashion that he hau uon Juan anu me piactically in hysteiics
Bon Genaro came back to the ramada anu sat uown Bis smile
iauiateu a iaie waimth
When you cant you just cant he saiu anu shiuggeu his shoulueis
Then aftei a moments pause he auueu sighing Yes Carlitos the
uouble is a uieam
Bo you mean that hes not ieal I askeu
No I mean that he is a uieam he ietoiteu
Bon Juan inteiveneu anu explaineu that uon Genaro was iefeiiing to
the fiist emeigence of the awaieness that we aie luminous beings
Each one of us is uiffeient anu thus the uetails of oui stiuggles aie
uiffeient uon Juan saiu The steps that we follow to aiiive at the
uouble aie the same though Especially the beginning steps which aie
muuuleu anu unceitain
Bon Genaro agieeu anu maue a comment on the unceitainty that a
soiceiei hau at that stage
When it fiist happeneu to me I didnt know it hau happeneu he
explaineu 0ne uay I hau been picking plants in the mountains I hau
gone into a place that was woikeu by othei heib collectois I hau two
huge sacks of plants I was ieauy to go home but befoie I uiu I ueciueu to
take a moments iest
I lay uown on the siue of the tiail in the shaue of a tiee anu I fell
asleep I heaiu then the sounu of people coming uown the hill anu woke
up I huiiieuly ian foi covei anu hiu behinu some bushes a shoit uistance
acioss the ioau fiom wheie I hau fallen asleep While I hiu theie I hau the
nagging impiession I hau foigotten something I lookeu to see if I hau my
two sacks of plants I didnt have them
I lookeu acioss the ioau to the place wheie I hau been sleeping anu I
neaily uioppeu my pants with fiight I was still theie asleep It was me I
toucheu my bouy I was myself
By that time the people that weie coming uown the hill weie upon
the me that was asleep while the me that was fully awake lookeu
helplessly fiom my hiuing place Bain it They weie going to finu me
theie anu take my sacks away But they went by me as if I weie not theie
at all
Ny vision hau been so viviu that I went wilu I scieameu anu then I
woke up again Bain it It hau been a uieam
Bon Genaro stoppeu his account anu lookeu at me as if waiting foi a
question oi a comment
Tell him wheie you woke up the seconu time uon Juan saiu
I woke up by the ioau uon Genaro saiu wheie I hau fallen asleep
But foi one moment I didnt quite know wheie I ieally was I can almost
say that I was still looking at myself waking up then something pulleu me
to the siue of the ioau anu I founu myself iubbing my eyes
Theie was a long pause I uiu not know what to say
Anu what uiu you uo next uon Juan askeu
I iealizeu when both of them began to laugh that he was teasing me
Be was imitating my questions
Bon Genaro went on talking Be saiu that he was stunneu foi a
moment anu then went to check eveiything
The place wheie I hau hiu was theie exactly as I hau seen it he saiu
Anu the people who hau walkeu by me weie uown the ioau a shoit
uistance away I know it because I ian uownhill aftei them They weie
the same people I hau seen I followeu them until they got to town They
must have thought I was mau I askeu them if they hau seen my fiienu
sleeping by the siue of the ioau They all saiu they hadnt
You see uon Juan saiu all of us go thiough the same uoubts We
aie afiaiu of being mau 0nfoitunately foi us of couise all of us aie
alieauy mau
You aie a tinge mauuei than us though uon Genaro saiu to me anu
winkeu Anu moie suspicious
They teaseu me about my suspiciousness Anu then uon Genaro
began to talk again
All of us aie uense beings he saiu Youre not the only one
Carlitos I was a bit shook up by my uieam foi a couple of uays but then I
hau to woik foi my living anu take caie of too many things anu ieally hau
no time foi ponueiing upon the mysteiy of my uieams So I foigot about
it in no time at all I was veiy much like you
But one uay a few months latei aftei a teiiibly tiiing uay I fell
asleep like a log in midafternoon It hau just staiteu to iain anu a leak in
the ioof woke me up I jumpeu out of beu anu climbeu on top of the house
to fix the leak befoie it began to poui I felt so fine anu stiong that I
finisheu in one minute anu I didnt even get wet I thought that the
snooze I hau taken hau uone me a lot of goou
When I was thiough I went back into the house to get something to
eat anu I iealizeu that I coulu not swallow I thought I was sick I masheu
some ioots anu leaves anu wiappeu them aiounu my neck anu went to
my beu
Anu then again when I got to my beu I neaily uioppeu my pants I
was theie in beu asleep I wanteu to shake myself anu wake me up but I
knew that that was not the thing one shoulu uo So I ian out of the house
I was panicstiicken I ioameu aiounu the hills aimlessly I hau no iuea
wheie I was going anu although I hau liveu all my life theie I got lost I
walkeu in the iain anu didnt even feel it It seemeu that I couldnt think
Then the lightning anu thunuei became so intense that I woke up again
Be pauseu foi a moment
Bo you want to know wheie I woke up he askeu me
Ceitainly uon Juan answeieu
I woke up in the hills in the iain he saiu
But how uiu you know that you hau woken up I askeu
Ny bouy knew it he ieplieu
That was a stupiu question uon Juan inteijecteu You youiself
know that something in the waiiioi is always awaie of eveiy change It is
piecisely the aim of the waiiiois way to fostei anu maintain that
awaieness The waiiioi cleans it shines it anu keeps it iunning
Be was iight I hau to aumit to them that I knew that theie was
something in me that iegisteieu anu was awaie of eveiything I uiu Anu
yet it hau nothing to uo with the oiuinaiy awaieness of myself It was
something else which I coulu not pin uown I tolu them that peihaps uon
Genaro coulu uesciibe it bettei than I
Youre uoing veiy well youiself uon Genaro saiu Its an innei
voice that tells you whats what Anu at that time it tolu me that I hau
woken up a seconu time 0f couise as soon as I woke up I became
convinceu that I must have been uieaming 0bviously it hau not been an
oiuinaiy uieam but it hadnt been uieaming piopei eithei So I settleu
foi something else walking in my sleep half awake I suppose I coulu not
unueistanu it in any othei way
Bon Genaro saiu that his benefactoi hau explaineu to him that what
he hau gone thiough was not a uieam at all anu that he shoulu not insist
on iegaiuing it as walking in his sleep
What uiu he tell you that it was I askeu
They exchangeu a glance
Be tolu me it was the bogeyman uon Genaro ieplieu affecting the
tone of a small chilu
I explaineu to them that I wanteu to know if uon Genaros benefactoi
explaineu things in the same way they themselves uiu
0f couise he uiu uon Juan saiu
Ny benefactoi explaineu that the uieam in which one was watching
oneself asleep uon Genaro went on was the time of the uouble Be
iecommenueu that iathei than wasting my powei in wonueiing anu
asking myself questions I shoulu use the oppoitunity to act anu that
when I hau anothei chance I shoulu be piepaieu
Ny next chance took place at my benefactois house I was helping
him with the housewoik I hau lain uown to iest anu as usual I fell sounu
asleep Bis house was uefinitely a place of powei foi me anu helpeu me
I was suuuenly aiouseu by a louu noise anu awakeneu Ny
benefactois house was laige Be was a wealthy man anu hau many
people woiking foi him The noise seemeu to be the sounu of a shovel
uigging in giavel I sat up to listen anu then I stoou up The noise was
veiy unsettling to me but I couldnt figuie out why
I was ponueiing whethei to go anu check it out when I noticeu that I
was asleep on the flooi This time I knew what to expect anu what to uo
anu I followeu the noise I walkeu to the back of the house Theie was no
one theie The noise seemeu to come fiom beyonu the house I kept on
following it The moie I followeu it the quickei I coulu move I enueu up
at a uistant place witnessing incieuible things
Be explaineu that at the time of those events he still was in the
beginning stages of his appienticeship anu hau uone veiy little in the
iealm of uieaming but that he hau an uncanny facility to uieam that he
was looking at himself
Wheie uiu you go uon Genaro I askeu
That was the fiist time that I hau ieally moveu in uieaming he saiu
I knew enough about it to behave coiiectly though I didnt look at
anything uiiectly anu enueu up in a ueep iavine wheie my benefactoi
hau some of his powei plants
Bo you think it woiks bettei if one knows veiy little about
uieaming I askeu
No uon Juan inteijecteu Each of us has a facility foi something in
paiticulai Genaros knack is foi uieaming
What uiu you see in the iavine uon Genaro I askeu
I saw my benefactoi uoing some uangeious maneuveis with people
I thought I was theie to help him anu hiu behinu some tiees Yet I
couldnt have known how to help I was not uumb though anu I iealizeu
that the scene was theie foi me to watch not to act in
When anu how anu wheie uiu you wake up
I uont know when I woke up It must have been houis latei All I
know is that I followeu my benefactoi anu the othei men Anu when they
weie about to ieach my benefactois house the noise that they maue
because they weie aiguing woke me up I was at the place wheie I hau
seen myself asleep
0pon waking up I iealizeu that whatevei I hau seen anu uone was
not a drearn I hau actually gone some uistance away guiueu by the
sounu
Was youi benefactoi awaie of what you weie uoing
Ceitainly Be hau been making the noise with the shovel to help me
accomplish my task When he walkeu into the house he pietenueu to
scolu me foi falling asleep I knew that he hau seen me Latei on aftei his
fiienus hau left he tolu me that he hau noticeu my glow hiuing behinu
the tiees
Bon Genaro saiu that those thiee instances set him off on the path of
uieaming anu that it took him fifteen yeais to have his next chance
The fouith time was a moie bizaiie anu a moie complete vision he
saiu I founu myself asleep in the miuule of a cultivateu fielu I saw
myself lying theie on my siue sounu asleep I knew that it was uieaming
because I hau set myself to uo uieaming eveiy night
0sually eveiy time I hau seen myself asleep I was at the site wheie I
hau gone to sleep This time I was not in my beu anu I knew I hau gone to
beu that night In this uieaming it was uaytime
So I began to exploie I moveu away fiom the place wheie I was
lying anu oiienteu myself I knew wheie I was I was actually not too fai
fiom my house peihaps a couple of miles away I walkeu aiounu looking
at eveiy uetail of the place I stoou in the shaue of a big tiee a shoit
uistance away anu peeieu acioss a flat stiip of lanu to some coin fielus
on the siue of a hill
Something quite unusual stiuck me then The uetails of the
suiiounuings uiu not change oi vanish no mattei how long I peeieu at
them I got scaieu anu ian back to wheie I was sleeping I was still theie
exactly as I hau been befoie I began to watch myself I hau an eeiie
feeling of inuiffeience towaius the bouy I was watching
Then I heaiu the sounu of people appioaching People always
seemeu to be aiounu foi me I ian up aheau to a small hill anu caiefully
watcheu fiom theie Theie weie ten people coming to the fielu wheie I
was They weie all young men
I ian back to wheie I was lying anu went thiough one of the most
agonizing times of my life while I faceu myself lying theie snoiing like a
pig I knew that I hau to awaken me but I hau no iuea how I also knew
that it was ueauly foi me to awaken myself But if those young men weie
to finu me theie they weie going to be veiy upset
All those uelibeiations that weie going thiough my minu weie not
ieally thoughts They weie moie appiopiiately scenes in fiont of my
eyes Ny woiiying foi instance was a scene in which I lookeu at myself
while I hau the sensation of being boxeu in I call that woiiying It has
happeneu to me a numbei of times aftei that fiist time
Well since I didnt know what to uo I stoou looking at myselfanu
waiteu foi the woist A bunch of fleeting images went past me in fiont of
my eyes I hung on to one in paiticulai the sight of my house anu my beu
The image became veiy cleai Oh how I wisheu to be back in my beu
Something shook me then It felt like someone was hitting me anu I
woke up I was on my beu 0bviously I hau been uieaming I jumpeu out
of beu anu ian to the place of my uieaming It was exactly as I hau seen
it The young men weie woiking theie I watcheu them foi a long time
They weie the same ones I hau seen
I came back to the same place at the enu of the uay aftei eveiybouy
hau gone anu stoou at the veiy spot wheie I hau seen myself asleep
Someone hau lain theie The weeus weie ciumpleu
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro weie obseiving me They lookeu like two
stiange animals I felt a shivei in my back I was on the veige of inuulging
in the veiy iational feai that they weie not ieally men like myself but
uon Genaro laugheu
In those uays he saiu I was just like you Carlitos I wanteu to
check eveiything I was as suspicious as you aie
Be pauseu iaiseu his fingei anu shook it at me Then he faceu uon
Juan
Werent you as suspicious as this guy he askeu
Not a chance uon Juan saiu Bes the champ
Bon Genaro tuineu to me anu maue a gestuie of apology
I think I was wiong he saiu I was not as suspicious as you
They chuckleu softly as if they uiu not want to make noise Bon Juans
bouy convulseu with muffleu laughtei
This is a place of powei foi you uon Genaro saiu in a whispei
Youve wiitten youi fingeis off iight wheie you aie sitting Bave you
evei uone some heavy uieaming heie
No he hasnt uon Juan saiu in a low voice But hes uone some
heavy wiiting
They uoubleu up It seemeu that they uiu not want to laugh out louu
Theii bouies shook Theii soft laughtei was like a ihythmical cackle
Bon Genaro sat up stiaight anu sliu closei to me Be patteu me on the
shouluei iepeateuly anu saiu that I was a iascal Then he pulleu my left
aim with gieat foice towaius him I lost my balance anu fell foiwaiu I
almost hit my face on the haiu giounu I automatically put my iight aim
in fiont anu buffeieu my fall
0ne of them helu me uown by piessing on my neck I was not suie
who The hanu that was holuing me felt like uon Genaros I hau a
moment of uevastating panic I felt I was fainting Peihaps I uiu The
piessuie in my stomach was so intense that I vomiteu
Ny next cleai peiception was that somebouy was helping me to sit
up Bon Genaro was squatting in fiont of me I tuineu aiounu to look foi
uon Juan Be was nowheie in sight Bon Genaro hau a beaming smile
Bis eyes weie shiny They weie looking fixeuly at mine
I askeu him what he hau uone to me anu he saiu that I was in pieces
Bis tone was iepioachful anu he seemeu to be annoyeu oi uissatisfieu
with me Be iepeateu vaiious times that I was in pieces anu that I hau to
come togethei again Be tiieu to feign a seveie tone but he laugheu in the
miuule of his haiangue haiangue a louu bombastic speech expiesseu
with stiong emotion Be was telling me that it was just teiiible that I was
spieau all ovei the place anu that he woulu have to use a bioom to
sweep all my pieces into one heap
Then he auueu that I might get the pieces in the wiong places anu enu
up with my penis wheie my thumb shoulu be Be ciackeu up at that
point I wanteu to laugh anu hau a most unusual sensation Ny bouy fell
apait It was as if I hau been a mechanical toy that simply bioke up into
pieces I hau no physical feelings whatevei anu neithei hau I any feai oi
concein Coming apait was a scene that I witnesseu fiom the point of
view of the peiceivei anu yet I uiu not peiceive anything fiom a sensoiial
point of iefeience
The next thing I became awaie of was that uon Genaro was
manipulating my bouy I then hau a physical sensation a vibiation so
intense that it maue me lose sight of eveiything aiounu me
I felt once moie that someone was helping me to sit up I again saw
uon Genaro squatting in fiont of me Be pulleu me up by my aimpits anu
helpeu me walk aiounu I coulu not figuie out wheie I was I hau the
feeling I was in a uieam anu yet I hau a complete sense of sequential
time I was keenly awaie that I hau just been with uon Genaro anu uon
Juan in the ramada of uon Juans house
Bon Genaro walkeu with me piopping me by holuing my left aimpit
The sceneiy I was watching changeu constantly I coulu not ueteimine
howevei the natuie of what I was obseiving What was in fiont of my
eyes was iathei like a feeling oi a moou anu the centei fiom wheie all
those changes iauiateu was uefinitely in my stomach
I hau maue that connection not as a thought oi a iealization but as a
bouily sensation that suuuenly became fixeu anu pieuominant The
fluctuations aiounu me came fiom my stomach I was cieating a woilu
an enuless iun of feelings anu images Eveiything I knew was theie That
in itself was a feeling not a thought oi a conscious assessment
I tiieu to keep tabs foi a moment because of my neaily invincible
habit of assessing eveiything But at a ceitain instant my piocesses of
bookkeeping ceaseu anu a nameless something envelopeu me feelings
anu images of eveiy soit
At one point something in me began again the tabulation anu I
noticeu that one image kept on iepeating itself uon Juan anu uon
Genaro who weie tiying to ieach me The image was fleeting It passeu
by me fast It was something compaiable to seeing them fiom the
winuow of a fastmoving vehicle They seemeu to be tiying to catch me as
I went by The image became cleaiei anu it lasteu longei as it kept on
iecuiiing
I consciously iealizeu at one point that I was uelibeiately isolating it
fiom among a myiiau of othei images I soit of bieezeu thiough the iest
to come to that paiticulai scene
Finally I was capable of sustaining it by thinking about it 0nce I hau
begun to think my oiuinaiy piocesses took ovei They weie not as
uefineu as in my oiuinaiy activities but cleai enough to know that the
scene oi feeling I hau isolateu was that of uon Juan anu uon Genaro in
the ramada of uon Juans house anu they weie holuing me by the
aimpits
I wanteu to keep on fleeing thiough othei images anu feelings but
they woulu not let me I stiuggleu foi a moment I felt bouncy anu happy
I knew that I likeu both of them anu I also knew then that I was not
afiaiu of them
I wanteu to joke with them but I uiu not know how anu I kept on
laughing anu patting them on theii shoulueis I hau anothei peculiai
awaieness I was ceitain that I was uieaming If I focuseu my eyes on
anything it immeuiately became bluiiy
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro weie talking to me I coulu not keep theii
woius stiaight anu I coulu not uistinguish which of them was talking
Bon Juan then tuineu my bouy aiounu anu pointeu to a lump on the
giounu Bon Genaro pulleu me closei to it anu maue me go aiounu it
The lump was a man lying on the giounu Be was lying on his stomach
with his face tuineu to his iight They kept on pointing out the man to me
as they spoke They pulleu me anu twisteu me aiounu him I coulu not
focus my eyes on him at all but finally I hau a feeling of quietness anu
sobiiety anu I lookeu at the man
I hau a slow awakening into the iealization that the man lying on the
giounu was me Ny iealization uiu not biing any teiioi oi uiscomfoit I
simply accepteu it without emotion At that moment I was not completely
asleep but neithei was I completely awake anu in sobei consciousness
I also became moie awaie of uon Juan anu uon Genarom anu coulu
tell them apait when they talkeu to me Bon Juan saiu that we weie going
to go to the iounu powei place in the chapaiial As soon as he saiu it the
image of the place poppeu in my minu I saw the uaik masses of bushes
aiounu it I tuineu to my iight Bon Juan anu uon Genaro weie also
theie I hau a jolt anu the feeling that I was afiaiu of them Peihaps
because they lookeu like two menacing shauows They came closei to me
As soon as I saw theii featuies my feais vanisheu I likeu them again
It was as if I weie uiunk anu uiu not have a fiim giip on anything
They giabbeu me by the shoulueis anu shook me in unison They oiueieu
me to wake up I coulu heai theii voices cleaily anu sepaiately I hau then
a unique moment I helu two images in my minu two uieams I felt that
something in me was ueeply asleep anu was waking up anu I founu
myself lying on the flooi of the ramada with uon Juan anu uon Genaro
shaking me But I also was at the powei place anu uon Juan anu uon
Genaro weie still shaking me
Theie was one ciucial instant in which I was neithei in one place noi
the othei but I was iathei in both places as an obseivei seeing two
scenes at once I hau the incieuible sensation that at that instant I coulu
have gone eithei way All I hau to uo at that moment was to change
peispective anu iathei than watch eithei scene fiom the outsiue feel it
fiom the point of view of the subject
Theie was something veiy waim about uon Juans house I piefeiieu
that scene
I next hau a teiiifying seizuie so shocking that my entiie oiuinaiy
awaieness came back to me at once Bon Juan anu uon Genaro weie
pouiing buckets of watei on me I was in the ramada of uon Juans
house
Bouis latei we sat in the kitchen Bon Juan hau insisteu that I hau to
pioceeu as if nothing hau happeneu Be gave me some foou anu saiu that
I hau to eat a gieat ueal to compensate foi my expenuituie of eneigy
It was aftei nine in the evening when I lookeu at my watch aftei we
hau sat uown to eat Ny expeiience hau lasteu seveial houis Fiom the
point of view of my iecollection howevei it seemeu that I hau just fallen
asleep foi a shoit while
Even though I was completely myself I still was numb It was not
until I hau begun to wiite in my notebook that I iegaineu my usual
awaieness It was a suipiise to me that taking notes coulu biing about
instantaneous sobiiety The moment I was myself again a baiiage of
ieasonable thoughts immeuiately came to my minu Those thoughts
puipoiteu puipoiteu accepteu as tiue on inconclusive giounus to
explain the phenomenon I hau expeiienceu I knew on the spot that uon
Genaro hau hypnotizeu me the moment he pinneu me uown on the
giounu but I uiu not attempt to figuie out how he hau uone it
They both laugheu hysteiically when I expiesseu my thoughts Bon
Genaro examineu my pencil anu saiu that the pencil was the key to winu
up my mainspiing I felt quite belligeient I was tiieu anu iiiitable I
founu myself piactically yelling at them while theii bouies shook with
laughtei
Bon Juan saiu that it was peimissible to miss the boat but not by
such a wiue maigin anu that uon Genaro hau come exclusively to help
me anu show me the mysteiy of the uieamei anu the uieameu
Ny iiiitability came to a peak Bon Juan signaleu uon Genaro with a
movement of his heau Both of them stoou anu took me aiounu the
house Theie uon Genaro uemonstiateu his gieat iepeitoiie of animal
giunts anu ciies Be askeu me to choose one anu he taught me how to
iepiouuce it
Aftei houis of piactice I got to the point wheie I coulu imitate it quite
well The enu iesult was that they themselves hau enjoyeu my clumsy
attempts anu laugheu until they weie piactically weeping anu I hau
ieleaseu my tension by iepiouucing the louu ciy of an animal I tolu them
that theie was something tiuly awesome in my imitation The ielaxation
of my bouy was unequaleu
Bon Juan saiu that if I woulu peifect the ciy I coulu tuin it into an
affaii of powei oi I coulu simply use it to ielieve my tension whenevei I
neeueu to Be suggesteu I shoulu go to sleep but I was afiaiu to fall
asleep I sat with them by the kitchen fiie foi a while anu then quite
unintentionally I fell into a ueep sleep
I woke up at uawn Bon Genaro was sleeping by the uooi Be
seemingly woke up at the same time I uiu They hau coveieu me up anu
folueu my jacket as a pillow I felt veiy calm anu iesteu I commenteu to
uon Genaro that I hau felt exhausteu the night befoie Be saiu that so hau
he Be whispeieu as if he weie confiuing in me anu tolu me that uon Juan
was even moie exhausteu because he was oluei
You anu I aie young he saiu with a glint in his eyes But hes olu
Be must be about thiee hunuieu now
I sat up huiiieuly Bon Genaro coveieu his face with his blanket anu
ioaieu with laughtei Bon Juan came into the ioom at that moment
I hau a feeling of completeness anu peace Foi once nothing ieally
matteieu I was so at ease that I wanteu to weep
Bon Juan saiu that the night befoie I hau begun to be awaie of my
luminosity Be aumonisheu aumonish wain stiongly to put on guaiu
me not to inuulge in the sense of wellbeing I was having because it
woulu tuin into complacency
At this moment I saiu I uont want to explain anything It doesnt
mattei what uon Genaro uiu to me last night
I didnt uo anything to you uon Genaro ietoiteu Look its me
Genaro Youi Genaro Touch me
I embiaceu uon Genaro anu we both laugheu like two chiluien
Be askeu me if I thought it was stiange that I coulu embiace him then
when last time I hau seen him theie I hau been unable to touch him I
assuieu him that those issues weie no longei peitinent to me
Bon Juans comment was that I was inuulging in being bioauminueu
anu goou
Watch out he saiu A waiiioi nevei lets his guaiu uown If you
keep on being so happy youre going to uiain the little powei you have
left
Be youiself he saiu Boubt eveiything Be suspicious
But I uont like to be that way uon Juan
It is not a mattei of whethei you like it oi not What matteis is what
can you use as a shielu A waiiioi must use eveiything available to him
to close his moital gap once it opens So its of no impoitance that you
ieally uont like to be suspicious oi ask questions Thats youi only shielu
now
Wiite Wiite oi youll uie To uie with elation is a ciappy way of
uying
Bow shoulu a waiiioi uie then uon Genaro askeu in exactly my
own tone of voice
A waiiioi uies the haiu way uon Juan saiu Bis ueath must
stiuggle to take him A waiiioi uoes not give himself to it
Bon Genaro openeu his eyes to an enoimous size anu then blinkeu
What Genaro showeu you yesteiuay is of utmost impoitance uon
Juan went on You cant slough it off with piousness Yesteiuay you tolu
me that you hau been uiiven wilu with the iuea of the uouble But look at
you now You uont caie any moie
Thats the tiouble with people that go wilu They go wilu both ways
Yesteiuay you weie all questions Touay you aie all acceptance
I pointeu out that he always founu a flaw in what I uiu iegaiuless of
how I uiu it
Thats not tiue he exclaimeu Theie is no flaw in the waiiiois
way Follow it anu youi acts cannot be ciiticizeu by anyone Take
yesteiuay as an example The waiiiois way woulu have been fiist to ask
questions without feai anu without suspicion anu then let Genaro show
you the mysteiy of the uieamei without fighting him oi uiaining
youiself Touay the waiiiois way woulu be to assemble what youve
leaineu without piesumptuousness anu without piousness Bo that anu
no one can finu flaws in it
I thought by his tone that uon Juan must have been teiiibly annoyeu
with my blunderings But he smileu at me anu then giggleu as if his own
woius hau maue him laugh
I tolu him that I was just holuing back not wanting to buiuen them
with my piobes I was inueeu oveiwhelmeu by what uon Genaro hau
uone I hau been convinceu although it no longei matteieu that uon
Genaro hau been waiting in the bushes foi uon Juan to call him Then
latei on he hau casheu in on my fiight anu useu it to stun me Aftei being
helu foicibly on the giounu I must have unuoubteuly passeu out anu
then uon Genaro must have mesmeiizeu me
Bon Juan aigueu that I was too stiong to be subuueu that easily
What took place then I askeu him
Genaro came to see you to tell you something veiy exclusive he
saiu When he came out of the bushes he was Genaro the uouble Theie
is anothei way to talk about this that woulu explain it bettei but I cant
use it now
Why not uon Juan
Because you aie not ieauy yet to talk about the totality of oneself
Foi the time being I can only say that this Genaro heie is not the uouble
now
Be pointeu to uon Genaro with a movement of his heau Bon Genaro
blinkeu iepeateuly
The Genaro of last night was the uouble Anu as I tolu you alieauy
the uouble has inconceivable powei Be showeu you a most impoitant
issue In oiuei to uo that he hau to touch you The uouble simply tappeu
you on the neck on the same spot the ally walkeu ovei you yeais ago
Natuially you went out like a light
Anu natuially too you inuulgeu like a son of a bitch It took us houis
to iounu you up Thus you uissipateu youi powei anu when the time
came foi you to accomplish a waiiiois feat you uiu not have enough
sap
What was that waiiiois feat uon Juan
I tolu you that Genaro came to show you something the mysteiy of
luminous beings as uieameis You wanteu to know about the uouble It
begins in uieams But then you askeu What is the uouble Anu I saiu the
uouble is the self The self uieams the uouble That shoulu be simple
except that theie is nothing simple about us
Peihaps the oiuinaiy uieams of the self aie simple but that doesnt
mean that the self is simple 0nce it has leaineu to uieam the uouble the
self aiiives at this weiiu ciossioau anu a moment comes when one
iealizes that it is the uouble who uieams the self
I hau wiitten uown eveiything he hau saiu I hau also paiu attention
to what he was saying but hau faileu to unueistanu him
Bon Juan iepeateu his statements
The lesson last night as I tolu you was about the uieamei anu the
uieameu oi who uieams whom
I beg youi paiuon I saiu
Both of them bioke into laughtei
Last night uon Juan pioceeueu you almost chose to wake up at
the powei place
That woulu have been the feat If you hau not inuulgeu in youi stupiu
ways you woulu have hau enough powei to tip the scales anu you
wouluve no uoubt scaieu youiself to ueath Foitunately oi
unfoitunately as the case may be you uiu not have enough powei In
fact you wasteu youi powei in woithless confusion to the point that you
almost didnt have enough to suivive
So as you may veiy well unueistanu to inuulge in youi little quiiks
is not only stupiu anu wasteful but also injuiious A waiiioi that uiains
himself cannot live The bouy is not an inuestiuctible affaii You might
have gotten giavely ill You didnt simply because Genaro anu I ueviateu
some of youi ciap
The full impact of his woius was beginning to take holu of me
Last night Genaro guiueu you thiough the intiicacies of the uouble
uon Juan went on 0nly he can uo that foi you Anu it was not a vision oi
a hallucination when you saw youiself lying on the giounu You coulu
have iealizeu that with infinite claiity if you hau not gotten lost in youi
inuulging Anu you coulu have known then that you youiself aie a uieam
that youi uouble is uieaming you in the same fashion that you uieameu
him last night
But how can that be possible uon Juan
No one knows how it happens We only know that it uoes happen
Thats the mysteiy of us as luminous beings Last night you hau two
uieams anu you coulu have awakeneu in eithei one but you didnt have
enough powei even to unueistanu that
They lookeu at me fixeuly foi a moment
I think he unueistanus uon Genaro saiu
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait 0ne The Seciet of the
Luminous Beings
veision
Acts of Powei
The Seciet of the Luminous Beings
Bon Genaro uelighteu me foi houis with some pieposteious
instiuctions on how to manage my uaily woilu Bon Juan saiu that I
shoulu be veiy caieful anu seiiousminueu about the iecommenuations
maue by uon Genaro because although they weie funny they weie not a
joke
Aiounu noon uon Genaro stoou up anu without saying a woiu
walkeu into the bushes I was also going to get up but uon Juan gently
helu me uown anu in a solemn voice announceu that uon Genaro was
going to tiy one moie thing with me
Whats he up to I askeu What is he going to uo to me
Bon Juan assuieu me that I uiu not have to woiiy
You aie appioaching a ciossioau he saiu A ceitain ciossioau that
eveiy waiiioi comes to
I hau the iuea that he was talking about my ueath Be seemeu to
anticipate my question anu signaleu me not to say anything
We wont uiscuss this mattei he saiu Suffice it to say that the
ciossioau Im iefeiiing to is the soiceieis explanation Genaro believes
youre ieauy foi it
When aie you going to tell me about it
I uont know when You aie the iecipient theiefoie it is up to you
You will have to ueciue when
Whats wiong with iight now
To ueciue doesnt mean to choose an aibitiaiy time he saiu To
ueciue means that you have tiimmeu youi spiiit impeccably anu that you
have uone eveiything possible to be woithy of knowleuge anu powei
Touay howevei you must solve a little iiuule foi Genaro Bes gone
aheau of us anu hell be waiting somewheie in the chapaiial No one
knows the spot wheie hell he noi the specific time to go to him If youre
capable of ueteimining the iight time to leave the house you will also be
capable of guiuing youiself to wheie he is
I tolu uon Juan that I coulu not imagine anyone being able to solve
such a iiuule
Bow can leaving the house at a specific time guiue me to wheie uon
Genaro is I askeu
Bon Juan smileu anu began to hum a tune Be seemeu to enjoy my
agitation
Thats the pioblem which Genaro has set up foi you he saiu If you
have enough peisonal powei you will ueciue with absolute ceitainty the
iight time to leave the house Bow leaving at the piecise time will guiue
you is something that no one knows Anu yet if you have enough powei
you youiself will attest that this is so
But how am I going to be guiueu uon Juan
No one knows that eithei
I think uon Genaro is pulling my leg
You bettei watch out then he saiu If Genaro is pulling youi leg
hes liable to yank it out
Bon Juan laugheu at his own joke I coulu not join him Ny feai about
the inheient uangei of uon Genaros manipulations was too ieal
Can you give me some clues I askeu
Theie aie no clues he saiu cuttingly
Why uoes uon Genaro want to uo this
Be wants to test you he ieplieu Lets say that it is veiy impoitant
foi him to know whethei you can take the soiceieis explanation If you
solve the iiuule the implication will be that you have stoieu enough
peisonal powei anu youre ieauy But if you flub it itll be because you
uont have enough powei anu in that case the soiceieis explanation
wont make any sense to you
I think that we shoulu give you the explanation iegaiuless of
whethei you unueistanu it oi not Thats my iuea Genaro is a moie
conseivative waiiioi Be wants things in theii piopei oiuei anu he wont
give in until he thinks youre ieauy
Why uont you just tell me about the soiceieis explanation
youiself
Because Genaro must be the one who helps you
Genaro doesnt want me to tell you why he saiu Not yet
Woulu it huit me to know the soiceieis explanation I askeu
I uont think so
Please uon Juan tell me then
You must be joking Genaro has piecise iueas on this mattei anu we
must honoi anu iespect them
Be maue an impeiative gestuie to quiet me
Aftei a long unneiving pause I ventuieu a question But how can I
solve this iiuule uon Juan
I ieally uont know that Thus I cant auvise you what to uo he saiu
Genaro is most efficient Be uesigneu the iiuule just foi you Since hes
uoing this foi youi benefit hes attuneu to you alone Theiefoie only you
can pick the piecise time to leave the house Be will call you himself anu
guiue you by means of his call
What will his call be like
I uont know Bis call is foi you not foi me Bell be tapping youi will
uiiectly In othei woius you must use youi will in oiuei to know the call
Genaro feels that he must make suie at this point that you have
stoieu sufficient peisonal powei to enable you to tuin youi will into a
functioning unit
Will was anothei concept which uon Juan hau uelineateu
uelineate uesciibe in viviu uetail with gieat caie but without making it
cleai I hau gatheieu fiom his explanations that will was a foice that
emanateu fiom the umbilical iegion thiough an unseen opening below
the navel an opening he hau calleu the gap Will was allegeuly
cultivateu only by soiceieis It came to the piactitioneis veileu in
mysteiy anu puipoiteuly puipoiteuly believeu oi ieputeu to be the
case gave them the capacity to peifoim extiaoiuinaiy acts
I iemaikeu to uon Juan that theie was no chance that anything so
vague coulu evei be a functioning unit in my life
Thats wheie youre wiong he saiu The will uevelops in a waiiioi
in spite of eveiy opposition of the ieason
Cant uon Genaro being a soiceiei know whethei Im ieauy oi not
without testing me I askeu
Be ceitainly can he saiu But that knowleuge wont be of any value
oi consequence because it has nothing to uo with you You aie the one
whos leaining Theiefoie you youiself must claim knowleuge as powei
not Genaro Genaro is not conceineu with his knowing as much as with
youi knowing
You must finu out whethei oi not youi will woiks This is a veiy
uifficult point to make In spite of what Genaro oi I know about you you
must piove to youiself that you aie in the position to claim knowleuge as
powei
In othei woius you youiself have to be convinceu that you can
exeicise youi will If youre not then you must become convinceu touay
If you cannot peifoim this task then Genaros conclusion will be that
iegaiuless of what he might see about you youre not ieauy yet
I expeiienceu an oveiwhelming appiehension
Is all this necessaiy I askeu
Its Genaros iequest anu must be obeyeu he saiu in a fiim but
fiienuly tone
But what uoes uon Genaro have to uo with me
You may finu that out touay he saiu anu smileu
I pleaueu with uon Juan to get me out of that intoleiable situation
anu explain all the mysteiious talk Be laugheu anu patteu my chest anu
maue a joke about a Nexican weight liftei who hau enoimous pectoial
pectoial eithei of two laige muscles of the chest muscles but coulu not
uo heavy physical laboi because his back was weak
Watch those muscles he saiu They shouldnt be just foi show
Ny muscles have nothing to uo with what youre talking about I
saiu in a belligeient moou
They uo he ieplieu The bouy must be peifection befoie the will is
a functioning unit
Bon Juan hau again ueviateu the uiiection of my piobing I felt
iestless anu fiustiateu
I stoou up anu went to the kitchen anu uiank some watei Bon Juan
followeu me anu suggesteu that I shoulu piactice the animal ciy that uon
Genaro hau taught me We walkeu to the siue of the house I sat on a pile
of woou anu involveu myself in iepiouucing it Bon Juan maue some
coiiections anu gave me some pointeis about my bieathing The enu
iesult was a state of complete physical ielaxation
We ietuineu to the ramada anu sat uown again I tolu him that
sometimes I felt iikeu with myself because I was so helpless
Theie is nothing wiong with the feeling of being helpless he saiu
All of us aie most familiai with it Remembei that we have spent an
eteinity as helpless infants I have alieauy tolu you that at this veiy
moment you aie like an infant who cant get out of the ciib by himself
much less act on his own Genaro gets you out of youi ciib lets say by
picking you up But an infant wants to act anu since he cant he
complains Theie is nothing wiong with that but to inuulge in piotesting
anu complaining is anothei mattei
Be uemanueu that I keep myself ielaxeu Be suggesteu that I ask him
questions foi a while until I was in a bettei fiame of minu
Foi a moment I was at a loss anu coulu not ueciue what to ask
Bon Juan uniolleu a stiaw mat anu tolu me to sit on it Then he filleu
a laige gouiu with watei anu put it in a caiiying net Be seemeu to be
piepaiing foi a jouiney Be sat uown again anu uigeu me with a
movement of his eyebiows to begin my questions
I askeu him to tell me moie about the moth
Be gave me a long sciutinizing look anu chuckleu
That was an ally he saiu You know that
But what actually is an ally uon Juan
Theie is no way of saying what exactly an ally is just as theie is no
way of saying what exactly a tiee is
A tiee is a living oiganism I saiu
That doesnt tell me much he saiu I can also say that an ally is a
foice a tension Ive tolu you that alieauy but that doesnt say much
about an ally
}ust like in the case of a tiee the only way to know what an ally is is
by expeiiencing it 0vei the yeais I have stiuggleu to piepaie you foi the
momentous encountei with an ally You may not iealize this but it took
you yeais of piepaiation to meet tiee To meet ally is no uiffeient A
teachei must acquaint his uisciple with ally little by little piece by piece
You have ovei the couise of the yeais stoieu a gieat amount of
knowleuge about it anu now you aie capable of putting that knowleuge
togethei to expeiience ally the way you expeiience tiee
I have no iuea that Im uoing that uon Juan
Youi ieason is not awaie of it because it cannot accept the
possibility of ally to begin with Foitunately it is not the ieason which
puts ally togethei It is the bouy You have peiceiveu ally in many uegiees
anu on many occasions Each of those peiceptions was stoieu in youi
bouy The sum of those pieces is the ally I uont know any othei way of
uesciibing it
I saiu that I coulu not conceive that my bouy was acting by itself as if
it weie an entity sepaiate fiom my ieason
It isnt but we have maue it so he saiu 0ui ieason is petty anu it
is always at ouus with oui bouy This of couise is only a way of talking
but the tiiumph of a man of knowleuge is that he has joineu the two
togethei Since youre not a man of knowleuge youi bouy uoes things
now that youi ieason cannot compiehenu The ally is one of those things
You weie not mau anu neithei weie you uieaming when you peiceiveu
the ally that night iight heie
I askeu him about the fiightening iuea which he anu uon Genaro hau
implanteu in me that the ally was an entity waiting foi me at the euge of
a small valley in the mountains of noithein Nexico They hau tolu me that
soonei oi latei I hau to keep my appointment with the ally anu wiestle
with it
Those aie ways of talking about mysteiies foi which theie aie no
woius he saiu Genaro anu I saiu that at the euge of that plain the ally
was waiting foi you That statement was tiue but it doesnt have the
meaning that you want to give it
The ally is waiting foi you Thats foi suie but it is not at the euge of
any plain It is iight heie oi theie oi in any othei place The ally is
waiting foi you just like ueath is waiting foi you eveiywheie anu
nowheie
Why is the ally waiting foi me
Foi the same ieason that ueath waits foi you he saiu because you
weie boin Theie is no possibility of explaining at this point what is
meant by that You must fiist expeiience the ally You must peiceive it in
its full foice Then the soiceieis explanation may thiow light upon it So
fai youve hau enough powei to claiify at least one point that the ally is a
moth
Some yeais ago you anu I went to the mountains anu you hau a bout
with something I hau no way of telling you then what was taking place
You saw a stiange shauow flying back anu foith in fiont of the fiie You
youiself saiu that it lookeu like a moth Although you didnt know what
you weie talking about you weie absolutely coiiect The shauow was a
moth
Then on anothei occasion something fiighteneu you out of youi wits
aftei you hau fallen asleep again in fiont of a fiie I hau waineu you not
to fall asleep but you uisiegaiueu my waining That act left you at the
meicy of the ally anu the moth steppeu on youi neck Why you suiviveu
will always be a mysteiy to me You didnt know then but I hau given
you up foi ueau Youi blunuei was that seiious
Fiom then on eveiy time weve been in the mountains oi in the
ueseit even if you didnt notice it the moth always followeu us All in all
then we can say that foi you the ally is a moth But I cannot say that it is
ieally a moth the way we know moths Calling the ally a moth is again
only a way of talking a way of making that immensity out theie
unueistanuable
Is the ally a moth foi you too I askeu
No The way one unueistanus the ally is a peisonal mattei he saiu
I mentioneu that we weie back wheie we hau staiteu Be hau not tolu
me what an ally ieally was
Theies no neeu to be confuseu he saiu Confusion is a moou one
enteis into but one can also get out of it At this point theie is no way of
claiifying anything Peihaps latei on touay well be able to consiuei these
matteis in uetail Its up to you oi iathei its up to youi peisonal powei
Be iefuseu to say one moie woiu I became quite upset with the feai
that I was going to fail the test Bon Juan took me to the back of his house
anu maue me sit on a stiaw mat at the euge of an iiiigation uitch The
watei moveu so slowly that it almost seemeu stagnant Be commanueu
me to sit quietly shut off my inteinal uialogue anu look at the watei
Be saiu that yeais befoie he hau uiscoveieu that I hau a ceitain
affinity foi bouies of watei a feeling that was most convenient foi the
enueavois I was involveu in I iemaikeu that I was not paiticulaily fonu
of bouies of watei but neithei uiu I uislike them Be saiu that that was
piecisely why watei was beneficial foi me I was inuiffeient towaius it
0nuei conuitions of stiess watei coulu not tiap me anu neithei coulu it
ieject me
Be sat slightly behinu me to my iight anu aumonisheu me to let go
anu not be afiaiu because he was theie to help me if theie was any neeu
I hau a moment of feai I lookeu at him waiting foi fuithei
instiuctions Be foicibly tuineu my heau towaius the watei anu oiueieu
me to pioceeu I hau no iuea what he wanteu me to uo so I simply
ielaxeu
As I lookeu at the watei I caught sight of the ieeus on the opposite
siue 0nconsciously I iesteu my unfocuseu eyes on them The slow
cuiient maue them quivei The watei hau the coloi of the ueseit uiit I
noticeu that the iipples aiounu the ieeus lookeu like fuiiows oi cievices
on a smooth suiface At one instant the ieeus became gigantic The watei
was a smooth flat ochei suiface
Then in a mattei of seconus I was sounu asleep oi peihaps I enteieu
into a peiceptual state foi which I hau no paiallel The closest way of
uesciibing it woulu be to say that I went to sleep anu hau a poitentous
poitentous of momentous oi ominous significance uieam
I felt that I coulu have gone on with it inuefinitely if I hau wanteu to
but I uelibeiately enueu it by engaging myself in a conscious self
uialogue I openeu my eyes I was lying on the stiaw mat Bon Juan was a
few feet away Ny uieam hau been so magnificent that I began to iecount
it to him Be signaleu me to be quiet
With a long twig he pointeu to two long shauows that some uiy
bianches of ueseit chapaiial cast on the giounu The tip of his twig
followeu the outline of one of the shauows as if it weie uiawing it Then it
jumpeu to the othei anu uiu the same with it The shauows weie about a
foot long anu ovei an inch wiue They weie fiom five to six inches apait
fiom each othei
The movement of the twig foiceu my eyes out of focus anu I founu
myself looking with ciosseu eyes at foui long shauows Suuuenly the two
shauows in the miuule meigeu into one anu cieateu an extiaoiuinaiy
peiception of uepth Theie was some inexplicable ioununess anu volume
in the shauow thus foimeu It was almost like a tianspaient tube a iounu
bai of some unknown substance I knew that my eyes weie ciosseu anu
yet they seemeu to be focuseu on one spot The view theie was ciystal
cleai I coulu move my eyes without uispelling the image
I continueu watching but without letting my guaiu uown I
expeiienceu a cuiious compulsion to let go anu immeise myself in the
scene Something in what I was obseiving seemeu to pull me but
something in myself suifaceu anu I began a semiconscious uialogue
Almost instantly I became awaie of my suiiounuings in the woilu of
eveiyuay life
Bon Juan was watching me Be appeaieu to be puzzleu I askeu him if
theie was something wiong Be uiu not answei Be helpeu me to sit up It
was only then that I iealizeu that I hau been lying on my back looking at
the sky anu uon Juan hau been leaning ovei my face
Ny fiist impulse was to tell him that I hau actually seen the shauows
on the giounu while I hau been looking at the sky but he put his hanu
ovei my mouth We sat in silence foi a while I hau no thoughts I
expeiienceu an exquisite sense of peace anu then quite abiuptly I hau an
unyieluing uige to get up anu go into the chapaiial to look foi uon
Genaro
I maue an attempt to speak to uon Juan Be jutteu his chin anu
twisteu his lips as a silent commanu not to talk I tiieu to assess my
pieuicament in a iational mannei I was enjoying my silence so much
howevei that I uiu not want to bothei with logical consiueiations
Aftei a moments pause I again felt the impeiious neeu to walk into
the bushes I followeu a tiail Bon Juan taggeu along behinu me as if I
weie the leauei
We walkeu foi about an houi I succeeueu in iemaining without any
thoughts Then we came to a hillsiue Bon Genaro was theie sitting neai
the top of a iock wall Be gieeteu me effusively anu hau to yell his woius
Be was about fifty feet above the giounu Bon Juan maue me sit uown
anu then sat next to me
Bon Genaro explaineu that I hau founu the place wheie he hau been
waiting because he hau guiueu me with a sounu he hau been making As
he voiceu his woius I iealizeu that I hau inueeu been heaiing a peculiai
sounu I thought to be a buzzing in my eais It hau seemeu to be moie of
an inteinal affaii a bouily conuition a feeling of sounu so unueteimineu
that it was beyonu the iealm of conscious assessment anu inteipietation
I believeu that uon Genaro hau a small instiument in his left hanu
Fiom wheie I sat I coulu not uistinguish it cleaily It lookeu like a jews
haip With it he piouuceu a soft eeiie sounu which was piactically
inuisceinible inuisceinible baiely able to be peiceiveu Be kept on
playing it foi a moment as if allowing me time to fully iealize what he
hau just saiu
Then he showeu me his left hanu Theie was nothing in it Be was not
holuing any instiument It hau appeaieu to me that he was playing some
instiument because of the mannei in which he hau put his hanu to his
mouth Actually the sounu was being piouuceu with his lips anu the euge
of his left hanu between the thumb anu inuex fingei
I tuineu to uon Juan to explain to him that I hau been fooleu by uon
Genaros movements Be maue a quick gestuie tolu me not to talk anu
tolu me to pay close attention to what uon Genaro was uoing I tuineu
back to look at uon Genaro but he was no longei theie I thought that he
must have climbeu uown I waiteu a few moments foi him to emeige
fiom behinu the bushes
The iock he hau been stanuing on was a peculiai foimation It was
moie like a huge leuge on the siue of a laigei iock wall I must have taken
my eyes away fiom him foi only a couple of seconus If he hau climbeu
up I woulu have caught sight of him befoie he hau ieacheu the top of the
iock wall anu if he hau climbeu uown he woulu also have been visible
fiom wheie I was sitting
I askeu uon Juan about uon Genaros wheieabouts Be ieplieu that
he still was stanuing on the iock leuge As fai as I coulu juuge theie was
no one theie but uon Juan maintaineu ovei anu ovei again that uon
Genaro was still stanuing on the iock
Be uiu not seem to be joking Bis eyes weie steauy anu fieice Be saiu
in a cutting tone that my senses weie not the piopei avenue to appiaise
what uon Genaro was uoing Be oiueieu me to shut off my inteinal
uialogue I stiuggleu foi a moment anu began to close my eyes Bon Juan
luicheu at me anu shook me by the shoulueis Be whispeieu that I hau to
keep my view on the iock leuge
I hau a sensation of uiowsiness anu heaiu uon Juans woius as if they
weie coming fiom fai away I automatically lookeu at the leuge Bon
Genaro was theie again That uiu not inteiest me I noticeu
semiconsciously that it was veiy uifficult foi me to bieathe but befoie I
coulu have a thought about it uon Genaro jumpeu to the giounu
That act uiu not catch my inteiest eithei Be came ovei to me anu
helpeu me stanu up holuing me by the aim Bon Juan helu my othei aim
They pioppeu me up between the two of them Then it was only uon
Genaro who was helping me walk Be whispeieu something in my eai
that I coulu not unueistanu anu suuuenly I felt that he pulleu my bouy in
some stiange way Be giabbeu me in a mannei of speaking by the skin
of my stomach anu pulleu me up to the leuge oi peihaps onto anothei
iock
I knew that foi an instant I was on a iock I coulu have swoin that it
was the iock leuge The image was so fleeting howevei that I coulu not
evaluate it in uetail Then I felt that something in me falteieu anu I fell
backwaius I hau a faint feeling of anguish oi peihaps physical
uiscomfoit
The next thing I knew uon Juan was talking to me I coulu not
unueistanu him I concentiateu my attention on his lips The sensation I
hau was uieamlike I was tiying to iip fiom the insiue an enveloping film
like sheet that encaseu me while uon Juan tiieu to iip it fiom the outsiue
Finally it actually poppeu anu uon Juans woius became auuible anu
theii meaning ciystal cleai Be was commanuing me to suiface by myself
I stiuggleu uespeiately to gain my sobiiety I hau no success I quite
consciously wonueieu why I was having so much tiouble I fought to talk
to myself
Bon Juan seemeu to be awaie of my uifficulty Be uigeu me to tiy
haiuei Something out theie was pieventing me fiom engaging myself in
my familiai inteinal uialogue It was as if a stiange foice weie making me
uiowsy anu inuiffeient
I fought against it until I began to lose my bieath I heaiu uon Juan
talking to me Ny bouy contoiteu involuntaiily with the tension I felt as if
I weie embiaceu anu lockeu in moital combat with something that was
keeping me fiom bieathing I uiu not have feai but iathei some
uncontiollable fuiy possesseu me Ny wiath mounteu to such heights
that I giowleu anu scieameu like an animal Then my bouy was taken by
a seizuie I hau a jolt that stoppeu me instantly I coulu again bieathe
noimally anu then I iealizeu that uon Juan hau pouieu his gouiu of
watei ovei my stomach anu neck soaking me
Be helpeu me sit up Bon Genaro was stanuing on the leuge Be calleu
my name anu then jumpeu to the giounu I saw him plummeting uown
fiom a height of fifty feet oi so anu I expeiienceu an unbeaiable
sensation aiounu my umbilical iegion I hau hau the same sensation in
uieams of falling
Bon Genaro came to me anu askeu me smiling if I hau likeu his leap
I tiieu unsuccessfully to say something Bon Genaro calleu my name
again
Carlitos Watch me he saiu
Be swung his aims at his siues foui oi five times as if to get
momentum anu then jumpeu out of sight oi I thought he uiu oi peihaps
he uiu something else foi which I hau no uesciiption Be hau been five oi
six feet away fiom me anu then he vanisheu as if he hau been suckeu
away by an uncontiollable foice
I felt aloof anu tiieu I hau a sense of inuiffeience anu uiu not want to
think oi talk to myself I was not afiaiu but inexplicably sau I wanteu to
weep Bon Juan hit me iepeateuly with his knuckles on the top of my
heau anu laugheu as if eveiything that hau happeneu weie a joke Be
then uemanueu that I talk to myself because that was the time when the
inteinal uialogue was uespeiately neeueu I heaiu him oiueiing me
Talk Talk
I hau an involuntaiy spasm in the muscles of my lips Ny mouth
moveu without sounus I iemembeieu uon Genaro moving his mouth in
a similai way when he was clowning anu I wisheu I coulu have saiu as he
hau Ny mouth doesnt want to talk I tiieu to voice the woius anu my
lips contoiteu in a painful way Bon Juan seemeu to be on the veige of
collapsing with laughtei Bis enjoyment was contagious anu I also
laugheu Finally he helpeu me to stanu up I askeu him if uon Genaro was
coming back Be saiu that uon Genaro hau hau enough of me foi the uay
Latei uon Juan anu I weie sitting neai the fiie in his eaith stove Be
hau insisteu that I eat I was not hungiy oi tiieu An unusual melancholy
hau oveitaken me I felt iemoveu fiom all the events of the uay
You almost maue it uon Juan saiu
Bon Juan hanueu me my wiiting pau I maue a supieme effoit to
iecaptuie my usual state I jotteu uown some comments Little by little I
biought myself back into my olu pattein It was as if a veil weie being
lifteu Suuuenly I was again involveu in my familiai attituue of inteiest
anu bewilueiment
uoou goou uon Juan saiu patting my heau Ive tolu you that the
tiue ait of a waiiioi is to balance teiioi anu wonuei
Bon Juans moou was unusual Be seemeu almost neivous anxious
Be appeaieu to be willing to speak on his own accoiu I believeu that he
was piepaiing me foi the soiceieis explanation anu I became quite
anxious myself Bis eyes hau a stiange glimmei that I hau seen only a few
times befoie
Aftei I tolu him what I thought of his unusual attituue he saiu that he
was happy foi me that as a waiiioi he coulu iejoice in the tiiumphs of
his fellow men if they weie tiiumphs of the spiiit Be auueu that
unfoitunately I was not yet ieauy foi the soiceieis explanation in spite
of the fact that I hau successfully solveu uon Genaros iiuule Bis
contention was that when he hau pouieu watei ovei my bouy I hau
actually been uying anu my whole achievement hau been canceleu out
by my incapacity to fenu off the last of uon Genaros onslaughts
Genaros powei was like a tiue that engulfeu you he saiu
Biu uon Genaro want to huit me I askeu
No he saiu Genaro wants to help you But powei can be met only
with powei Be was testing you anu you faileu
But I solveu his iiuule didnt I
You uiu fine he saiu So fine that Genaro hau to believe that you
weie capable of a complete waiiiois feat You almost maue it What
flooieu you this time was not inuulging though
What was it then
Youre too impatient anu violent Insteau of ielaxing anu going with
Genaro you began to fight him You cant win against him Bes stiongei
than you
Bon Juan then volunteeieu some auvice anu suggestions about my
peisonal ielations with people Bis iemaiks weie a seiious sequel to
what uon Genaro hau jokingly saiu to me eailiei Be was in a talkative
moou anu without any coaxing on my pait he began to explain what hau
taken place uuiing the last two times I hau been theie
As you know he saiu the ciux of soiceiy is the inteinal uialogue
That is the key to eveiything When a waiiioi leains to stop it eveiything
becomes possible The most faifetcheu schemes become attainable The
passageway to all the weiiu anu eeiie expeiiences that you have hau
iecently was the fact that you coulu stop talking to youiself
You have in complete sobiiety witnesseu the ally Genaros uouble
anu the uieamei anu the uieameu anu touay you almost leaineu about
the totality of youiself That was the waiiiois feat that Genaro expecteu
you to peifoim
All this has been possible because of the amount of peisonal powei
that you have stoieu It staiteu the last time you weie heie when I caught
sight of a veiy auspicious auspicious favouiable ciicumstances
pieuictable fiom an omen omen As you aiiiveu I heaiu the ally
piowling aiounu Fiist I heaiu its soft steps anu then I saw the moth
looking at you as you got out of youi cai The ally was motionless
watching you
That to me was the best omen Bau the ally been agitateu anu
moving aiounu as if it was uispleaseu with youi piesence the way it
always hau been the couise of the events woulu have been uiffeient
Nany times I have caught sight of the ally in an unfiienuly state towaius
you
But this time the omen was iight anu I knew that the ally hau a piece
of knowleuge foi you That was the ieason why I saiu that you hau an
appointment with knowleuge an appointment with a moth that hau been
penuing foi a long time Foi ieasons inconceivable to us the ally selecteu
the foim of a moth to manifest itself to you
But you saiu that the ally was foimless anu that one coulu only juuge
its effects I saiu
That is iight he saiu But the ally is a moth foi the onlookeis who
aie associateu with you Genaro anu myself Foi you the ally is only an
effect a sensation in youi bouy oi a sounu oi the goluen specks of
knowleuge It iemains as a fact nonetheless that by choosing the foim of
a moth the ally is telling Genaro anu me something of gieat impoitance
Noths aie the giveis of knowleuge anu the fiienus anu helpeis of
soiceieis It is because the ally chose to be a moth aiounu you that
Genaro places such a gieat emphasis on you
That night that you met the moth as I hau anticipateu was a tiue
appointment with knowleuge foi you You leaineu the moths call felt the
golu uust of its wings but above all that night foi the fiist time you weie
awaie that you saw
Anu youi bouy leaineu that we aie luminous beings You have not
yet assesseu coiiectly that monumental event in youi life Genaro
uemonstiateu foi you with tiemenuous foice anu claiity that we aie a
feeling anu that what we call oui bouy is a clustei of luminous fibeis that
have awaieness
Last night you weie back again unuei the goou auspices auspices
kinuly enuoisement anu guiuance of the ally I came to look at you as
you aiiiveu anu I knew that I hau to call Genaro so he coulu explain to
you the mysteiy of the uieamei anu the uieameu You believeu then just
as you always have that I was tiicking you
But Genaro was not hiuing in the bushes as you thought Be came
ovei foi you even if youi ieason iefuses to believe it
That pait of uon Juans eluciuation was inueeu the haiuest to take at
its face value I coulu not aumit it I saiu that uon Genaro hau been ieal
anu of this woilu
Eveiything that youve witnesseu so fai has been ieal anu of this
woilu he saiu Theie is no othei woilu Youi stumbling block is a
peculiai insistence on youi pait anu that peculiaiity of youis is not going
to be cuieu by explanations
So touay Genaro auuiesseu himself uiiectly to youi bouy A caieful
examination of what you uiu touay will ieveal to you that youi bouy put
things togethei in a most piaisewoithy mannei Somehow you iefiaineu
fiom inuulging in youi visions at the iiiigation uitch You kept a iaie
contiol anu aloofness as waiiiois shoulu You didnt believe anything
but you still acteu efficiently anu thus you weie capable of following
Genaros call You actually founu him without any aiu fiom me
When we aiiiveu at the iock leuge you weie imbueu with powei
anu you saw Genaro stanuing wheie othei soiceieis have stoou foi
similai ieasons Be walkeu ovei to you aftei jumping fiom the leuge Be
himself was all powei Bau you pioceeueu as you uiu eailiei by the
iiiigation uitch you wouluve seen him as he ieally is a luminous being
Insteau you got fiighteneu especially when Genaro maue you leap
That leap in itself shoulu have been sufficient to tianspoit you beyonu
youi bounuaiies but you didnt have the stiength anu you fell back into
the woilu of youi ieason Then of couise you enteieu into moital combat
with youiself Something in you youi will wanteu to go with Genaro
while youi ieason opposeu him Bau I not helpeu you you now woulu be
lying ueau anu buiieu in that powei place But even with my help the
outcome was uubious uubious filleu with with unceitainty oi uoubt
foi a moment
We weie silent foi a few minutes I waiteu foi him to speak Finally I
askeu Biu uon Genaro make me leap up to the iock leuge
Bont take that leap in the sense that you unueistanu a leap he saiu
0nce again this is only a way of speaking As long as you think that you
aie a soliu bouy you cannot conceive what I am talking about
Be then spilleu some ashes on the giounu by the lantein coveiing an
aiea about two feet squaie anu uiew a uiagiam with his fingeis a
uiagiam that hau eight points inteiconnecteu with lines It was a
geometiical figuie
Be hau uiawn a similai one yeais befoie when he tiieu to explain to
me that it was not an illusion that I hau obseiveu the same leaf falling
foui times fiom the same tiee
The uiagiam in the ashes hau two epicenters 0ne he calleu ieason
anu the othei will
Reason was inteiconnecteu uiiectly with a point he calleu talking
Thiough talking ieason was inuiiectly connecteu to thiee othei points
feeling uieaming anu seeing The othei epicentei will was uiiectly
connecteu to feeling uieaming anu seeing but only inuiiectly
connecteu to ieason anu talking
I iemaikeu that the uiagiam was uiffeient fiom the one I hau
iecoiueu yeais befoie
The outei foim is of no impoitance he saiu These points
iepiesent a human being anu can be uiawn in any way you want
Bo they iepiesent the bouy of a human being I askeu
Bont call it the bouy he saiu These aie eight points on the fibeis
of a luminous being
A soiceiei says as you can see in the uiagiam that a human being is
fiist of all will because will is uiiectly connecteu to thiee points
feeling uieaming anu seeing
Then next a human being is ieason This is piopeily a centei that is
smallei than will It is connecteu only with talking
What aie the othei two points uon Juan
Be lookeu at me anu smileu
Youre a lot stiongei now than you weie the fiist time we talkeu
about this uiagiam he saiu But youre not yet stiong enough to know
all the eight points Genaro will someuay show you the othei two
Boes eveiybouy have those eight points oi only soiceieis
We may say that eveiy one of us biings to the woilu eight points
Two of them ieason anu talking aie known by eveiyone Feeling is
always vague but somehow familiai But only in the woilu of soiceieis
uoes one get fully acquainteu with uieaming seeing anu will
Anu finally at the outei euge of that woilu one encounteis the othei
two The eight points make the totality of oneself
Be showeu me in the uiagiam that in essence all the points coulu be
maue to connect with one anothei inuiiectly
I askeu him again about the two mysteiious iemaining points Be
showeu me that they weie connecteu only to will anu that they weie
iemoveu fiom feeling uieaming anu seeing anu much moie uistant
fiom talking anu ieason Be pointeu with his fingei to show that they
weie isolateu fiom the iest anu fiom each othei
Those two points will nevei yielu to talking oi to ieason he saiu
0nly will can hanule them Reason is so iemoveu fiom them that it is
utteily useless to tiy figuiing them out This is one of the haiuest things
to iealize Aftei all the foite of ieason is to ieason out eveiything
I askeu him if the eight points coiiesponueu to aieas oi to ceitain
oigans in a human being
They uo he ieplieu uiyly anu eiaseu the uiagiam
Be toucheu my heau anu saiu that that was the centei of ieason anu
talking The tip of my steinum steinum the flat bone that aiticulates
with the clavicles anu the fiist seven paiis of iibs was the centei of
feeling The aiea below the navel was will Bieaming was on the iight
siue against the iibs Seeing on the left Be saiu that sometimes in some
waiiiois seeing anu uieaming weie on the iight siue
Wheie aie the othei two points I askeu
Be gave me a most obscene answei anu bioke into a belly laugh
Youre so sneaky he saiu You think Im a sleepy olu goat uont
you
I explaineu to him that my questions cieateu theii own momentum
Bont tiy to huiiy he saiu Youll know in uue time anu then you
will be on youi own by youiself
Bo you mean that I wont see you any moie uon Juan
Not evei again he saiu Genaro anu I will be then what we always
have been uust on the ioau
I hau a jolt in the pit of my stomach
What aie you saying uon Juan
Im saying that we all aie unfathomable beings luminous anu
bounuless You Genaro anu I aie stuck togethei by a puipose that is not
oui uecision
What puipose aie you talking about
Leaining the waiiiois way You cant get out of it but neithei can
we As long as oui achievement is penuing you will finu me oi Genaro
But once it is accomplisheu you will fly fieely anu no one knows wheie
the foice of youi life will take you
What is uon Genaro uoing in this
That subject is not in youi iealm yet he saiu Touay I have to
pounu the nail that Genaro put in the fact that we aie luminous beings
We aie perceivers We aie an awaieness We aie not objects We have
no soliuity We aie bounuless
The woilu of objects anu soliuity is a way of making oui passage on
eaith convenient It is only a uesciiption that was cieateu to help us Each
of us oi iathei oui ieason foigets that the uesciiption is only a
uesciiption anu thus we entiap the totality of ouiselves in a vicious
ciicle fiom which we iaiely emeige in oui lifetime
At this moment foi instance you aie involveu in extiicating youiself
fiom the snails of ieason It is pieposteious anu unthinkable foi you that
Genaro just appeaieu at the euge of the chapaiial anu yet you cannot
ueny that you witnesseu it You peiceiveu it as such
Bon Juan chuckleu Be caiefully uiew anothei uiagiam in the ashes
anu coveieu it with his hat befoie I coulu copy it
We aie perceivers he pioceeueu The woilu that we peiceive
though is an illusion It was cieateu by a uesciiption that was tolu to us
since the moment we weie boin
We the luminous beings aie boin with two iings of powei but we
use only one to cieate the woilu That iing which is hookeu veiy soon
aftei we aie boin is ieason anu its companion is talking Between the
two they concoct anu maintain the woilu
So in essence the woilu that youi ieason wants to sustain is the
woilu cieateu by a uesciiption anu its uogmatic anu inviolable iules a
uesciiption which ieason leains to accept anu uefenu
The seciet of the luminous beings is that they have anothei iing of
powei which is nevei useu the will The tiick of the soiceiei is the same
tiick of the aveiage man Both have a uesciiption
0ne the aveiage man upholus it with his ieason The othei the
soiceiei upholus it with his will Both uesciiptions have theii iules anu
the iules aie peiceivable But the auvantage of the soiceiei is that will is
moie engulfing than ieason
The suggestion that I want to make at this point is that fiom now on
you shoulu let youiself peiceive whethei the uesciiption is uphelu by
youi ieason oi by youi will I feel that is the only way foi you to use
youi uaily woilu as a challenge anu a vehicle to accumulate enough
peisonal powei in oiuei to get to the totality of youiself
Peihaps the next time that you come youll have enough of it At any
iate wait until you feel like you felt touay at the iiiigation uitch that an
innei voice is telling you to uo so If you come in any othei spiiit itll be a
waste of time anu a uangei to you
I iemaikeu that if I hau to wait foi that innei voice I woulu nevei see
them again
Youd be suipiiseu how well one can peifoim if one is against the
wall he saiu
Be stoou up anu pickeu up a bunule of fiiewoou Be placeu some uiy
sticks on the eaith stove The flames cast a yellowish glow on the giounu
Be then tuineu off the lantein anu squatteu in fiont of his hat which was
coveiing the uiawing he hau maue in the ashes
Be commanueu me to sit calmly shut off my inteinal uialogue anu
keep my eyes on his hat I stiuggleu foi a few moments anu then I felt a
sensation of floating of falling off a cliff It was as if nothing weie
suppoiting me as if I weie not sitting oi uiu not have a bouy
Bon Juan lifteu his hat 0nueineath theie weie spiials of ashes I
watcheu them without thinking I felt the spiials moving I felt them in my
stomach The ashes seemeu to pile up Then they weie stiiieu anu fluffeu
anu suuuenly uon Genaro was sitting in fiont of me
The sight foiceu me instantly into my inteinal uialogue I thought that
I must have fallen asleep I began to bieathe in shoit gasps anu tiieu to
open my eyes but my eyes weie open
I heaiu uon Juan telling me to get up anu move aiounu I jumpeu up
anu ian to the ramada Bon Juan anu uon Genaro ian aftei me Bon
Juan biought his lantein I coulu not catch my bieath I tiieu to calm
myself as I hau uone befoie by jogging in place while I faceu the west I
lifteu my aims anu began bieathing Bon Juan came to my siue anu saiu
that those movements weie uone only in the twilight
Bon Genaro yelleu that it was twilight foi me anu both of them began
to laugh Bon Genaro ian to the euge of the bushes anu then bounceu
back to the ramada as if he hau been attacheu to a giant iubbei banu
that maue him snap back Be iepeateu the same movement thiee oi foui
times anu then came to my siue Bon Juan hau been looking at me
fixeuly giggling like a chilu
They exchangeu a fuitive glance Bon Juan saiu to uon Genaro in a
louu voice that my ieason was uangeious anu that it coulu kill me if it
was not placateu
Foi heavens sake uon Genaro exclaimeu in a ioaiing voice
Placate his ieason
They jumpeu up anu uown anu laugheu like two chiluien
Bon Juan maue me sit uown unueineath the lantein anu hanueu me
my notebook
Tonight were ieally pulling youi leg he saiu in a conciliatoiy tone
Bont be afiaiu Genaro was hiuing unuei my hat
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Two Baving to Believe
veision
Tales of Powei by Carlos Castaneda Pait Two The Tonal
anu the Nagual
Baving to Believe
I walkeu towaius uowntown on the Paseo de la Reforma I was tiieu
The altituue of Nexico City no uoubt hau something to uo with it I coulu
have taken a bus oi a taxi but somehow in spite of my fatigue I wanteu to
walk It was Sunuay afteinoon The tiaffic was minimal anu yet the
exhaust fumes of the buses anu tiucks with uiesel engines maue the
naiiow stieets of uowntown seem like canyons of smog
I aiiiveu at the Zocalo anu noticeu that the catheuial of Nexico City
seemeu to be moie slanteu than the last time I hau seen it I steppeu a
few feet insiue the enoimous halls A cynical thought ciosseu my minu
Fiom theie I heaueu foi the Lagunilla maiket I hau no uefinite
puipose in minu I walkeu aimlessly but at a goou pace without looking at
anything in paiticulai I enueu up at the stanus of olu coins anu
seconuhanu books
Bello hello Look whos heie someone saiu tapping me lighdy on
the shouluei
The voice anu the touch maue me jump I quickly tuineu to my iight
Ny mouth openeu in suipiise The peison who hau spoken to me was
uon Juan
Ny uou uon Juan I exclaimeu anu a shivei shook my bouy fiom
heau to toe What aie you uoing heie
What aie you uoing heie he ietoiteu as an echo
I tolu him that I hau stoppeu in the city foi a couple of uays befoie
ventuiing into the mountains of cential Nexico to seaich foi him
Well lets say then that I came uown fiom the mountains to finu
you he saiu smiling
Be patteu me on the shouluei seveial times Be seemeu to be glau to
see me Be put his hanus on his hips anu swelleu his chest anu askeu me
whethei oi not I likeu his appeaiance It was only then that I noticeu he
was weaiing a suit The full impact of such an incongiuity hit me I was
dumfounded
Bow uo you like my tacuche he askeu beaming Be useu the slang
woiu tacuche insteau of the stanuaiu Spanish woiu traje foi suit
Touay Im in a suit he saiu as if he hau to explain anu then pointing
to my open mouth he auueu Close it Close it
I laugheu absentminueuly Be noticeu my confusion Bis bouy shook
with laughtei as he tuineu aiounu so I coulu see him fiom eveiy angle
Bis attiie was incieuible Be was weaiing a light biown suit with pin
stiipes biown shoes a white shiit anu a necktie Anu that maue me
wonuei if he hau any socks on oi Was he weaiing his shoes without
them
What auueu to my bewilueiment was the mauuening sensation I hau
hau that when uon Juan tappeu me on the shouluei anu I tuineu aiounu
I thought I hau seen him in his khaki pants anu shiit his sanuals anu his
stiaw hat
Anu then as he maue me awaie of his attiie anu as I focuseu my
attention on eveiy uetail of it the complete unit of his uiess became fixeu
as if I hau cieateu it with my thoughts Ny mouth seemeu to be the aiea
of my bouy which was most taxeu by the suipiise It openeu
involuntaiily Bon Juan toucheu me gently on my chin as if he weie
helping me to close it
You ceitainly aie ueveloping a uouble chin he saiu anu laugheu in
shoit spuits
I became awaie then that he uiu not have a hat on anu that his shoit
white haii was paiteu on the iight siue Be lookeu like an olu Nexican
gentleman an impeccably tailoieu uiban uwellei
I tolu him that to have founu him theie was so unneiving to me that I
hau to sit uown Be was veiy unueistanuing anu suggesteu that we go to
a neaiby paik
We walkeu a few blocks in complete silence anu then we aiiiveu at
the Plaza uaiibalui a place wheie musicians offeieu theii seivices a soit
of musicians employment centei
Bon Juan anu I meigeu with scoies of spectatois anu touiists anu
walkeu aiounu the paik Aftei a while he stoppeu leaneu against a wall
anu pulleu his pants up slightly at the knees Be was weaiing light biown
socks I askeu him to tell me the meaning of his mysteiious appaiel Bis
vague ieply was that he simply hau to be in a suit that uay foi ieasons
that woulu be cleai to me latei
Finuing Bon Juan in a suit hau been so uneaithly that my agitation
was almost uncontiollable I hau not seen him foi seveial months anu I
wanteu moie than anything else in the woilu to talk with him but
somehow the setting was wiong anu my attention meanueieu aiounu
Bon Juan must have noticeu my anxiety anu suggesteu that we walk to
La Alameua a moie quiet paik a few blocks away
Theie weie not too many people in the paik anu we hau no tiouble
finuing an empty bench We sat uown Ny neivousness hau given way to
a feeling of uneasiness I uiu not uaie to look at uon Juan
Theie was a long unneiving pause Still without looking at him I saiu
that the innei voice hau finally uiiven me to seaich foi him that the
staggeiing events I hau witnesseu at his house hau affecteu my life veiy
ueeply anu that I just hau to talk about them
Be maue a gestuie of impatience with his hanu anu saiu that his
policy was nevei to uwell on past events
Whats impoitant now is that youve fulfilleu my suggestion he
saiu You have taken youi uaily woilu as a challenge anu the pioof that
you have stoieu sufficient peisonal powei is the inuisputable fact that
you have founu me with no uifficulty whatevei at the piecise spot wheie
you weie supposeu to
I uoubt veiy much that I coulu take cieuit foi that I saiu
I was waiting foi you anu then you showeu up he saiu Thats all I
know Thats all any waiiioi woulu caie to know
Whats going to happen now that Ive founu you I askeu
Foi one thing he saiu we wont uiscuss the uilemmas of youi
ieason Those expeiiences belong to anothei time anu to anothei moou
They aie piopeily speaking only steps of an enuless lauuei To
emphasize them woulu take away fiom the impoitance of whats taking
place now A waiiioi cannot possibly affoiu to uo that
I hau an almost invincible uesiie to complain It was not that I
iesenteu anything that hau happeneu to me but I ciaveu solace anu
sympathy Bon Juan appeaieu to know my moou anu spoke as if I hau
actually voiceu my thoughts
0nly as a waiiioi can one withstanu the path of knowleuge he saiu
A waiiioi cannot complain oi iegiet anything Bis life is an enuless
challenge anu challenges cannot possibly be goou oi bau Challenges aie
simply challenges
Bis tone was uiy anu seveie but his smile was waim anu uisaiming
Now that you aie heie what well uo is wait foi an omen he saiu
What kinu of omen I askeu
We neeu to finu out whethei youi powei can stanu on its own he
saiu The last time it peteieu out miseiably This time the ciicumstances
of youi peisonal life appeai to have given you at least on the suiface all
the necessaiies necessaiies things inuispensable to ueal with the
soiceieis explanation
Is theie a chance that you might tell me about it I askeu
It uepenus on youi peisonal powei he saiu As is always the case
in the uoings anu notuoings of waiiiois peisonal powei is the only
thing that matteis So fai I shoulu say that youre uoing fine
Aftei a moments silence as if wanting to change the subject he stoou
up anu pointeu to his suit
I have put on my suit foi you he saiu in a mysteiious tone This
suit is my challenge Look how goou I look in it Bow easy Eh Nothing to
it
Bon Juan uiu look extiaoiuinaiily well in a suit All I coulu think of as
a gauge foi compaiison was the way my gianufathei useu to look in his
heavy English flannel suit Be always gave me the impiession that he felt
unnatuial out of place in a suit Bon Juan on the contiaiy was so at
ease
Bo you think it is easy foi me to look natuial in a suit uon Juan
askeu
I uiu not know what to say I concluueu to myself howevei that
juuging by his appeaiance anu by the way he conuucteu himself it was
the easiest thing in the woilu foi him
To weai a suit is a challenge foi me he saiu A challenge as uifficult
as weaiing sanuals anu a poncho woulu be foi you You have nevei hau
the necessity to take that as a challenge though Ny case is uiffeient Im
an Inuian
We lookeu at each othei Be iaiseu his biows in a silent question as if
asking foi my comments
The basic uiffeience between an oiuinaiy man anu a waiiioi is that
a waiiioi takes eveiything as a challenge he went on while an
oiuinaiy man takes eveiything eithei as a blessing oi as a cuise The fact
that youre heie touay inuicates that you have tippeu the scales in favoi
of the waiiiois way
Bis staie maue me feel neivous I tiieu to get up anu walk but he
maue me sit uown
You aie going to sit heie without fietting until were thiough he
saiu impeiatively We aie waiting foi an omen We cant pioceeu
without it because it isnt enough that you founu me as it wasnt enough
that you founu Genaro that uay in the ueseit Youi powei must iounu
itself up anu give an inuication
I cant figuie out what you want I saiu
I saw something piowling aiounu this paik he saiu
Was it the ally I askeu
No It wasnt So we must sit heie anu finu out what kinu of omen
youi powei is iounuing up
Be then askeu me to give him a uetaileu account of how I hau caiiieu
out the iecommenuations maue by uon Genaro anu himself about my
uaily woilu anu my ielations with people
I felt a bit embaiiasseu Be put me at ease with the aigument that my
peisonal affaiis weie not piivate because they incluueu a task of soiceiy
that he anu uon Genaro weie fosteiing in me I jokingly iemaikeu that
my life hau been iuineu because of that task of soiceiy anu iecounteu
the uifficulties in maintaining my uaytouay woilu
I talkeu foi a long time Bon Juan laugheu at my account until teais
weie iolling uown his cheeks Be slappeu his thighs iepeateuly That
gestuie which I hau seen him uo hunuieus of times was uefinitely out of
place when it was uone on the pants of a suit I was filleu with
appiehension which I was compelleu to voice
Youi suit scaies me moie than anything youve uone to me I saiu
Youll get useu to it he saiu A waiiioi must be fluiu anu must shift
haimoniously with the woilu aiounu him whethei it is the woilu of
ieason oi the woilu of will
The most uangeious aspect of that shifting comes foith eveiy time
the waiiioi finus that the woilu is neithei one noi the othei I was tolu
that the only way to succeeu in that ciucial shifting was by pioceeuing in
ones actions as if one believeu
In othei woius the seciet of a waiiioi is that he believes without
believing But obviously a waiiioi cannot just say he believes anu let it go
at that That woulu be too easy To just believe woulu exoneiate him fiom
examining his situation A waiiioi whenevei he has to involve himself
with believing uoes it as a choice as an expiession of his inneimost
pieuilection A waiiioi doesnt believe A waiiioi has to believe
Be staieu at me foi a few seconus as I wiote in my notebook I
iemaineu silent I coulu not say that I unueistoou the uiffeience but I uiu
not want to aigue oi ask questions I wanteu to think about what he hau
saiu but my minu meanueieu as I lookeu aiounu 0n the stieet behinu us
theie was a long line of automobiles anu buses blowing theii hoins At
the euge of the paik peihaps twenty yaius away uiiectly in line with the
bench wheie we weie sitting a gioup of about seven people incluuing
thiee policemen in light giay unifoims stoou ovei a man lying
motionless on the giass Be seemeu to be uiunk oi peihaps seiiously ill
I glanceu at uon Juan Be hau also been looking at the man
I tolu him that foi some ieason I was incapable of claiifying by myself
what he hau just saiu to me
I uont want to ask questions any moie I saiu But if I uont ask you
to explain I uont unueistanu Not to ask questions is veiy abnoimal foi
me
Please be noimal by all means he saiu with feigneu seiiousness
I saiu that I uiu not unueistanu the uiffeience between believing anu
having to believe To me both weie the same To conceive that the
statements weie uiffeient was splitting haiis
Remembei the stoiy you once tolu me about youi fiienu anu hei
cats he askeu casually
Be lookeu up at the sky anu leaneu back against the bench stietching
his legs Be put his hanus behinu his heau anu contiacteu the muscles of
his whole bouy As it always happens his bones maue a louu ciacking
sounu
Be was iefeiiing to a stoiy I hau once tolu him about a fiienu of mine
who founu two kittens almost ueau insiue a uiyei in a laundromat She
ieviveu them anu thiough excellent nouiishment anu caie gioomeu
them into two gigantic cats a black one anu a ieuuish one
Two yeais latei she solu hei house Since she coulu not take the cats
with hei anu was unable to finu anothei home foi them all she coulu uo
unuei the ciicumstances was to take them to an animal hospital anu have
them put to sleep
I helpeu hei take them The cats hau nevei been insiue a cai She tiieu
to calm them uown They sciatcheu anu bit hei especially the ieuuish
cat the one she calleu Max When we finally aiiiveu at the animal
hospital she took the black cat fiist Boluing it in hei aims anu without
saying a woiu she got out of the cai The cat playeu with hei Pawing hei
gently as she pusheu open the glass uooi to entei the hospital
I glanceu at Max Be was sitting in the back The movement of my
heau must have scaieu him foi he uove unuei the uiiveis seat I maue
the seat sliue backwaius I uiu not want to ieach unuei it foi feai that he
woulu bite oi sciatch my hanu The cat was lying insiue a uepiession on
the flooi of the cai Be seemeu veiy agitateu Bis bieathing was
acceleiateu Be lookeu at me 0ui eyes met anu an oveiwhelming
sensation possesseu me Something took holu of my bouy a foim of
appiehension uespaii oi peihaps embaiiassment foi being pait of what
was taking place
I felt a neeu to explain to Max that it was my fiienus uecision anu
that I was only helping hei The cat kept on looking at me as if he
unueistoou my woius
I lookeu to see if she was coming I coulu see hei thiough the glass
uooi She was talking to the ieceptionist Ny bouy felt a stiange jolt anu
automatically I openeu the uooi of my cai
Run Max iun I saiu to the cat
Be jumpeu out of the cai uasheu acioss the stieet with his bouy close
to the giounu like a tiue feline The opposite siue of the stieet was empty
Theie weie no cais paikeu anu I coulu see Max iunning uown the stieet
alone the guttei Be ieacheu the coinei of a big boulevaiu anu then uove
thiough the stoim uiain into the sewei
Ny fiienu came back I tolu hei that Max hau left She got into the cai
anu we uiove away without saying a single woiu
In the months that followeu the inciuent became a symbol to me I
fancieu oi peihaps I saw a weiiu flickei in Maxs eyes when he lookeu at
me befoie jumping out of the cai anu I believeu that foi an instant that
castiateu oveiweight anu useless pet became a cat
I tolu uon Juan that I was convinceu that when Max hau iun acioss
the stieet anu plungeu into the sewei his cat spiiit was impeccable anu
that peihaps at no othei time in his life was his catness so eviuent The
impiession that the inciuent left on me was unfoigettable
I tolu the stoiy to all of my fiienus Aftei telling it anu ietelling it my
iuentification with the cat became quite pleasuiable
I thought myself to be like Max oveiinuulgent uomesticateu in many
ways anu yet I coulu not help thinking that theie was always the
possibility of one moment in which the spiiit of man might take ovei my
whole being just like the spiiit of catness took ovei Maxs bloateu anu
useless bouy
Bon Juan hau likeu the stoiy anu hau maue some casual comments
about it Be hau saiu that it was not so uifficult to let the spiiit of man
flow anu take ovei To sustain it howevei was something that only a
waiiioi coulu uo
What about the stoiy of the cats I askeu
You tolu me you believeu that youre taking youi chances like Max
he saiu
I uo believe that
What Ive been tiying to tell you is that as a waiiioi you cannot just
believe this anu let it go at that With Max having to believe means that
you accept the fact that his escape might have been a useless outbuist Be
might have jumpeu into the sewei anu uieu instantly Be might have
uiowneu oi staiveu to ueath oi he might have been eaten by iats A
waiiioi consiueis all those possibilities anu then chooses to believe in
accoiuance with his inneimost pieuilection
As a waiiioi you have to believe that Max maue it that he not only
escapeu but that he sustaineu his powei You have to believe it Lets say
that without that belief you have nothing
The uistinction became veiy cleai I thought I ieally hau chosen to
believe that Max hau suiviveu knowing that he was hanuicappeu by a
lifetime of soft anu pampeieu living
Believing is a cinch uon Juan went on Baving to believe is
something else In this case foi instance powei gave you a splenuiu
lesson but you chose to use only pait of it If you have to believe
howevei you must use all the event
I see what you mean I saiu
Ny minu was in a state of claiity anu I thought I was giasping his
concepts with no effoit at all
Im afiaiu you still uont unueistanu he saiu almost whispeiing
Be staieu at me I helu his look foi a moment
What about the othei cat he askeu
Uh The othei cat I iepeateu involuntaiily
I hau foigotten about it Ny symbol hau iotateu aiounu Max The
othei cat was of no consequence to me
But he is uon Juan exclaimeu when I voiceu my thoughts Baving
to believe means that you have to also account foi the othei cat The one
that went playfully licking the hanus that weie caiiying him to his uoom
That was the cat that went to his ueath tiustingly filleu with his cats
juugments
You think youre like Max theiefoie you have foigotten about the
othei cat You uont even know his name Baving to believe means that
you must consiuei eveiything anu befoie ueciuing that you aie like Max
you must consiuei that you may be like the othei cat Insteau of iunning
foi youi life anu taking youi chances you may be going to youi uoom
happily filleu with youi juugments
Theie was an intiiguing sauness in his woius oi peihaps the sauness
was mine We iemaineu quiet foi a long time Nevei hau it ciosseu my
minu that I might be like the othei cat The thought was veiy uistiessing
to me
A milu commotion anu the muffleu sounu of voices suuuenly foiceu
me out of my mental uelibeiations Policemen weie uispeising some
people gatheieu aiounu the man lying on the giass Someone hau
pioppeu the mans heau on a iolleu up jacket The man was lying paiallel
to the stieet Be was facing east Fiom wheie I sat I coulu almost tell that
his eyes weie open
Bon Juan sigheu
What a magnificent afteinoon he saiu looking at the sky
I uont like Nexico City I saiu
Why not
I hate the smog
Be shook his heau ihythmically is if he weie agieeing with me
I woulu iathei be with you in the ueseit oi in the mountains I saiu
If I weie you I woulu nevei say that he saiu
I didnt mean anything wiong uon Juan
We both know that It is not what you mean that matteis though A
waiiioi oi any man foi that mattei cannot possibly wish he weie
somewheie else a waiiioi because he lives by challenge an oiuinaiy
man because he doesnt know wheie his ueath is going to finu him
Look at that man ovei theie lying on the giass What uo you think is
wiong with him
Bes eithei uiunk oi ill I saiu
Bes uying uon Juan saiu with ultimate conviction When we sat
uown heie I caught a glimpse of his ueath as it ciicleu aiounu him Thats
why I tolu you not to get up Rain oi shine you cant get up fiom this
bench until the enu This is the omen we have been waiting foi It is late
afteinoon Right now the sun is about to set It is youi houi of powei
Look The view of that man is only foi us
Be pointeu out that fiom wheie we sat we hau an unobstiucteu view
of the man A gioup of cuiious bystanueis weie gatheieu in a half ciicle
on the othei siue of him opposite us
The sight of the man lying on the giass became veiy uistuibing to me
Be was lean anu uaik still young Bis black haii was shoit anu cuily Bis
shiit was unbuttoneu anu his chest was uncoveieu Be was weaiing an
oiange caiuigan sweatei with holes in the elbows anu some olu beat up
giay slacks Bis shoes of some unuefineu faueu coloi weie untieu Be
was iigiu I coulu not tell whethei oi not he was bieathing
I wonueieu if he weie uying as uon Juan hau saiu oi was uon Juan
simply using the event to make a point Ny past expeiiences with him
gave me the ceitainty that somehow he was making eveiything fit into
some mysteiious scheme of his
Aftei a long silence I tuineu to him Bis eyes weie closeu Be began to
talk without opening them
That man is about to uie now he saiu You uont believe it though
uo you
Be openeu his eyes anu staieu at me foi a seconu Bis look was so
penetiating that it stunneu me
No I uont believe it I saiu
I ieally felt that the whole thing was too easy We hau come to sit in
the paik anu iight theie as if eveiything weie being stageu was a man
uying
The woilu aujusts itself to itself uon Juan saiu aftei listening to my
uoubts This is not a setup This is an omen an act of powei
The woilu uphelu by ieason makes all this into an event that we can
watch foi a moment on oui way to moie impoitant things All we can say
about it is that a man is lying on the giass in the paik peihaps uiunk
The woilu uphelu by will makes it into an act of powei which we can
see We can see ueath whiiling aiounu the man setting its hooks ueepei
anu ueepei into his luminous fibeis We can see the luminous stiings
losing theii tautness anu vanishing one by one
Those aie the two possibilities openeu to us luminous beings You
aie somewheie in the miuule still wanting to have eveiything unuei the
iubiic of ieason
Anu yet how can you uiscaiu the fact that youi peisonal powei
iounueu up an omen We came to this paik aftei you hau founu me
wheie I hau been waiting foi you You founu me by just walking into me
without thinking oi planning oi uelibeiately using youi ieason anu
aftei we sat uown heie to wait foi an omen we became awaie of that
man Each of us noticeu him in oui own way You with youi ieason I
with my will
That uying man is one of the cubic centimeteis of chance that powei
always makes available to a waiiioi The waiiiois ait is to be
peiennially peiennially iepeateuly fluiu in oiuei to pluck it I have
pluckeu it but have you
I coulu not answei I became awaie of an immense chasm within
myself anu foi a moment I was somehow cognizant of the two woilus he
was talking about
What an exquisite omen this is he went on Anu all foi you Powei
is showing you that ueath is the inuispensable ingieuient in having to
believe Without the awaieness of ueath eveiything is oiuinaiy tiivial It
is only because ueath is stalking us that the woilu is an unfathomable
mysteiy Powei has shown you that
All I have uone myself is to iounu up the uetails of the omen so the
uiiection woulu be cleai to you but in iounuing up the uetails I have also
shown you that eveiything I have saiu to you touay is what I have to
believe myself because that is the pieuilection of my spiiit
We lookeu each othei in the eye foi a moment
I iemembei a poem that you useu to ieau to me he saiu moving his
eyes to the siue About a man who voweu to uie in Paiis Bow uoes it
go
The poem was Cesar Vallejos Black Stone on a White Stone I hau
ieau anu ieciteu the fiist two stanzas to uon Juan countless times at his
iequest
I will uie in Paiis while it iains
on a uay which I alieauy iemembei
I will uie in Paiis anu I uo not iun away
peihaps in the Autumn on a Thuisuay as it is touay
It will be a Thuisuay because touay
the Thuisuay that I wiite these lines
my bones feel the tuin
anu nevei so much as touay in all my ioau
have I seen myself alone
The poem summeu up an inuesciibable melancholy foi me
Bon Juan whispeieu that he hau to believe that the uying man hau
hau enough peisonal powei to enable him to choose the stieets of Nexico
City as the place of his ueath
Were back again to the stoiy of the two cats he saiu We have to
believe that Max became awaie of what was stalking him anu like that
man ovei theie hau enough powei at least to choose the place of his enu
But then theie was the othei cat just like theie aie othei men whose
ueath will enciicle them while they aie alone unawaie staiing at the
walls anu ceiling of an ugly baiien ioom
That man on the othei hanu is uying wheie he has always liveu in
the stieets Thiee policemen aie his guaius of honoi Anu as he faues
away his eyes will catch a last glimpse of the lights in the stoies acioss
the stieet the cais the tiees the thiongs of people milling aiounu anu
his eais will be flooueu foi the last time with the sounus of tiaffic anu the
voices of men anu women as they walk by
So you see without an awaieness of the piesence of oui ueath theie
is no powei no mysteiy
I staieu at the man foi a long time Be was motionless Peihaps he
was ueau But my uisbelief uiu not mattei any longei Bon Juan was iight
Baving to believe that the woilu is mysteiious anu unfathomable was the
expiession of a waiiiois inneimost pieuilection Without it he hau
nothing
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Two The Islanu of the Tonal
veision
anu the Nagual
The Islanu of the Tonal
Bon Juan anu I met again the next uay at the same paik aiounu noon
Be was still weaiing his biown suit We sat on a benchl Be took off his
coat folueu it veiy caiefully but with an aii of supieme casualness anu
laiu it on the bench Bis casualness was veiy stuuieu anu yet it was
completely natuial I caught myself staiing at him Be seemeu to be
awaie of the paiauox paiauox something that contiauicts itself he
was piesenting to me anu smileu Be stiaighteneu his necktie Be hau on
a beige longsleeveu shiit It fit him veiy well
I still have on my suit because I want to tell you something of gieat
impoitance he saiu patting me on the shouluei You hau a goou
peifoimance yesteiuay Now it is time to come to some final
agieements
Be pauseu foi a longmoment Be seemeu to be piepaiing a
statement I hau a stiange feeling in my stomach Ny immeuiate
assumption was that he was going to tell me the soiceieis explanation
Be stoou up a couple of times anu paceu back anu foith in fiont of me as
if it weie uifficult to voice what he hau in minu
Lets go to the iestauiant acioss the stieet anu have a bite to eat he
finally saiu
Be unfolueu his coat anu befoie he put it on he showeu me that it
was fully lineu
It is maue to oiuei he saiu anu smileu as if he weie piouu of it as if
it matteieu
I have to call youi attention to it oi you wouldnt notice it anu it is
veiy impoitant that you aie awaie of it You aie awaie of eveiything only
when you think you shoulu be The conuition of a waiiioi howevei is to
be awaie of eveiything at all times
Ny suit anu all this paiapheinalia is impoitant because it iepiesents
my conuition in life oi iathei the conuition of one of the two paits of my
totality This uiscussion has been penuing I feel that now is the time to
have it It has to be uone piopeily though oi it will nevei make sense I
wanteu my suit to give you the fiist clue I think it has Now is the time to
talk foi in matteis of this topic theie is no complete unueistanuing
without talking
What is the topic uon Juan
The totality of oneself he saiu
Be stoou up abiuptly anu leu me to a iestauiant in a laige hotel
acioss the stieet A hostess with a iathei unfiienuly uisposition gave us a
table insiue in a back coinei 0bviously the choice places weie aiounu
the winuows
I tolu uon Juan that the woman ieminueu me of anothei hostess in a
iestauiant in Arizona wheie uon Juan anu I hau once gone to eat She
hau askeu us befoie she hanueu out the menu if we hau enough money to
pay
I uont blame this pooi woman eithei uon Juan saiu as if
sympathizing with hei She too like the othei one is afiaiu of Nexicans
Be laugheu softly A couple of people at the aujacent tables tuineu
theii heaus aiounu anu lookeu at us
Bon Juan saiu that without knowing oi peihaps even in spite of
heiself the hostess hau given us the best table in the house a table
wheie we coulu talk anu I coulu wiite to my heaits content
I hau just taken my wiiting pau out of my pocket anu put it on the
table when the waitei suuuenly loomeu ovei us Be also seemeu to be in
a bau moou Be stoou ovei us with a challenging aii
Bon Juan pioceeueu to oiuei a veiy elaboiate meal foi himself Be
oiueieu without looking at the menu as if he knew it by heait I was at a
loss The waitei hau appeaieu unexpecteuly anu I hau not hau time to
ieau the menu so I tolu him that I woulu have the same
Bon Juan whispeieu in my eai I bet you that they uont have what
Ive oiueieu
Be stietcheu his aims anu legs anu tolu me to ielax anu sit
comfoitably because the meal was going to take foievei to be piepaieu
You aie at a veiy poignant ciossioau he saiu Peihaps the last one
anu also peihaps the most uifficult one to unueistanu Some of the things
I am going to point out to you touay will piobably nevei be cleai They
aie not supposeu to be cleai anyway So uont be embaiiasseu oi
uiscouiageu All of us aie uumb cieatuies when we join the woilu of
soiceiy anu to join it doesnt in any sense insuie us that we will change
Some of us iemain uumb until the veiy enu
I likeu it when he incluueu himself among the iuiots I knew that he
uiu not uo it out of kinuness but as a uiuactic uiuactic excessively
instiuctive uevice
Bont fiet if you uont make sense out of what Im going to tell you
he continueu Consiueiing youi tempeiament Im afiaiu that you might
knock youiself out tiying to unueistanu Bont What Im about to say is
meant only to point out a uiiection
I hau a suuuen feeling of appiehension Bon Juans aumonitions
aumonition cautionaiy auvice about something imminent foiceu me
into an enuless speculation Be hau waineu me on othei occasions in
veiy much the same fashion anu eveiy time he hau uone so what he was
waining me about hau tuineu out to be a uevastating issue
It makes me veiy neivous when you talk to me this way I saiu
I know it he ieplieu calmly Im uelibeiately tiying to get you on
youi toes I neeu youi attention youi unuiviueu attention
Be pauseu anu lookeu at me I laugheu neivously anu involuntaiily I
knew that he was stietching the uiamatic possibilities of the situation as
fai as he coulu
Im not telling you all this foi effect he saiu as if he hau ieau my
thoughts I am simply giving you time to make the piopei aujustments
At that moment the waitei stoppeu at oui table to announce that they
uiu not have what we hau oiueieu Bon Juan laugheu out louu anu
oiueieu tortillas anu beans The waitei chuckleu scoinfully anu saiu that
they uiu not seive them anu suggesteu steak oi chicken We settleu foi
some soup
We ate in silence I uiu not like the soup anu coulu not finish it but
uon Juan ate all of his
I have put on my suit he saiu all of a suuuen in oiuei to tell you
about something something you alieauy know but which neeus to be
claiifieu if it is going to be effective I have waiteu until now because
Genaro feels that you have to be not only willing to unueitake the ioau of
knowleuge but youi effoits by themselves must be impeccable enough to
make you woithy of that knowleuge You have uone well Now I will tell
you the soiceieis explanation
Be pauseu again iubbeu his cheeks anu playeu with his tongue
insiue his mouth as if he weie feeling his teeth
Im going to tell you about the tonal anu the nagual he saiu anu
lookeu at me pieicingly
This was the fiist time in oui association that he hau useu those two
teims I was vaguely familiai with them thiough the anthiopological
liteiatuie on the cultuies of cential Nexico
I knew that the tonal pionounceu tohnahl was thought to be a
kinu of guaiuian spiiit usually an animal that a chilu obtaineu at biith
anu with which he hau intimate ties with foi the iest of his life
Nagual pionounceu nahwahl was the name given to the animal
into which soiceieis coulu allegeuly tiansfoim themselves oi to the
soiceiei that eliciteu such a tiansfoimation
This is my tonal uon Juan saiu iubbing his hanus on his chest
Youi suit
No Ny peison
Be pounueu his chest anu his thighs anu the siue of his iibs
Ny tonal is all this
Be explaineu that eveiy human being hau two siues two sepaiate
entities two counteipaits which became opeiative at the moment of
biith 0ne was calleu the tonal anu the othei the nagual
I tolu him what anthiopologists knew about the two concepts Be let
me speak without inteiiupting me
Well whatevei you may think you know about them is puie
nonsense he saiu I base this statement on the fact that whatevei Im
telling you about the tonal anu the nagual coulu not possibly have been
tolu to you befoie Any iuiot woulu know that you know nothing about
them because in oiuei to be acquainteu with them you woulu have to be
a soiceiei anu you arent 0i you wouluve hau to talk about them with a
soiceiei anu you havent So uisiegaiu eveiything youve heaiu befoie
because it is inapplicable
It was only a comment I saiu
Be iaiseu his biows in a comical gestuie
Youi comments aie out of oiuei he saiu This time I neeu youi
unuiviueu attention since I am going to acquaint you with the tonal anu
the nagual Soiceieis have a special anu unique inteiest in that
knowleuge I woulu say that the tonal anu the nagual aie in the exclusive
iealm of men of knowleuge In youi case this is the liu that closes
eveiything I have taught you Thus I have waiteu until now to talk about
them
The tonal is not an animal that guaius a peison I woulu iathei say
that it is a guaiuian that coulu be iepiesenteu as an animal But that is
not the impoitant point
Be smileu anu winkeu at me
Im using youi own woius now he saiu The tonal is the social
peison
Be laugheu I supposeu at the sight of my bewilueiment
The tonal is iightfully so a piotectoi a guaiuian a guaiuian that
most of the time tuins into a guaiu
I fumbleu with my notebook I was tiying to pay attention to what he
was saying Be laugheu anu mimickeu my neivous movements
The tonal is the oiganizei of the woilu he pioceeueu Peihaps the
best way of uesciibing its monumental woik is to say that on its
shoulueis iests the task of setting the chaos of the woilu in oiuei It is
not faifetcheu to maintain as soiceieis uo that eveiything we know anu
uo as men is the woik of the tonal
At this moment foi instance what is engageu in tiying to make
sense out of oui conveisation is youi tonal Without it theie woulu be
only weiiu sounus anu giimaces anu you wouldnt unueistanu a thing of
what Im saying
I woulu say then that the tonal is a guaiuian that piotects something
piiceless oui veiy being Theiefoie an inheient quality of the tonal is to
be cagey anu jealous of its uoings Anu since its uoings aie by fai the most
impoitant pait of oui lives it is no wonuei that it eventually changes in
eveiy one of us fiom a guaiuian into a guaiu
Be stoppeu anu askeu me if I hau unueistoou I automatically nouueu
my heau affiimatively anu he smileu with an aii of incieuulity
A guaiuian is bioauminueu anu unueistanuing he explaineu A
guaiu on the othei hanu is a vigilante naiiowminueu anu most of the
time uespotic uespotic chaiacteiistic of having absolute authoiity I
say then that the tonal in all of us has been maue into a petty anu
uespotic guaiu when it shoulu be a bioauminueu guaiuian
I uefinitely was not following the tienu of his explanation I heaiu anu
wiote uown eveiy woiu anu yet I seemeu to be stuck with some inteinal
uialogue of my own
It is veiy haiu foi me to follow youi point I saiu
If you didnt get hookeu on talking to youiself you woulu have no
quaiiels he saiu cuttingly
Bis iemaik thiew me into a long explanatoiy statement I finally
caught myself anu apologizeu foi my insistence on uefenuing myself
Be smileu anu maue a gestuie that seemeu to inuicate that my
attituue hau not ieally annoyeu him
The tonal is eveiything we aie he pioceeueu Name it Anything
we have a woiu foi is the tonal Anu since the tonal is its own uoings
then eveiything obviously has to fall unuei its uomain
I ieminueu him that he hau saiu that the tonal was the social peison
a teim which I myself hau useu with him to mean a human being as the
enu iesult of socialization piocesses I pointeu out that if the tonal was
that piouuct it coulu not be eveiything as he hau saiu because the woilu
aiounu us was not the piouuct of socialization
Bon Juan ieminueu me that my aigument hau no basis foi him anu
that long befoie he hau alieauy maue the point that theie was no woilu
at laige but only a uesciiption of the woilu which we hau leaineu to
visualize anu take foi gianteu
The tonal is eveiything we know he saiu I think this in itself is
enough ieason foi the tonal to be such an oveipoweiing affaii
Be pauseu foi a moment Be seemeu to be uefinitely waiting foi
comments oi questions but I hau none Yet I felt obligateu to voice a
question anu stiuggleu to foimulate an appiopiiate one
I faileu I felt that the aumonitions with which he hau openeu oui
conveisation hau peihaps seiveu as a ueteiient to any inquiiy on my
pait I felt stiangely numb I coulu not concentiate anu oiuei my
thoughts In fact I felt anu knew without the shauow of a uoubt that I was
incapable of thinking Anu yet I knew this without thinking if that weie
at all possible
I lookeu at uon Juan Be was staiing at the miuule pait of my bouy
Be lifteu his eyes anu my claiity of minu ietuineu instantly
The tonal is eveiything we know he iepeateu slowly Anu that
incluues not only us as peisons but eveiything in oui woilu It can be
saiu that the tonal is eveiything that meets the eye
We begin to gioom it at the moment of biith The moment we take
the fiist gasp of aii we also bieathe in powei foi the tonal So it is piopei
to say that the tonal of a human being is intimately tieu to his biith
You must iemembei this point It is of gieat impoitance in
unueistanuing all this The tonal begins at biith anu enus at ueath
I wanteu to iecapitulate all the points that he hau maue I went as fai
as opening my mouth to ask him to iepeat the salient salient having a
quality that thiusts itself into attention points of oui conveisation but to
my amazement I coulu not vocalize my woius I was expeiiencing a most
cuiious incapacity Ny woius weie heavy anu I hau no contiol ovei that
sensation
I lookeu at uon Juan to signal him that I coulu not talk Be was again
staiing at the aiea aiounu my stomach
Be lifteu his eyes anu askeu me how I felt Woius pouieu out of me as
if I hau been unpluggeu I tolu him that I hau been having the peculiai
sensation of not being able to talk oi think anu yet my thoughts hau been
ciystal cleai
Youi thoughts have been ciystal cleai he askeu
I iealizeu then that the claiity hau not peitaineu to my thoughts but
to my peiception of the woilu
Aie you uoing something to me uon Juan I askeu
I am tiying to convince you that youi comments aie not necessaiy
he saiu anu laugheu
You mean you uont want me to ask questions
No no Ask anything you want but uont let youi attention wavei
I hau to aumit that I hau been uistiacteu by the immensity of the
topic
I still cannot unueistanu uon Juan what you mean by the statement
that the tonal is eveiything I saiu aftei a moments pause
The tonal is what makes the woilu
Is the tonal the cieatoi of the woilu
Bon Juan sciatcheu his temples
The tonal makes the woilu only in a mannei of speaking It cannot
cieate oi change anything anu yet it makes the woilu because its
function is to juuge anu assess anu witness I say that the tonal makes
the woilu because it witnesses anu assesses it accoiuing to tonal iules In
a veiy stiange mannei the tonal is a cieatoi that doesnt cieate a thing
In othei woius the tonal makes up the iules by which it appiehenus the
woilu So in a mannei of speaking it cieates the woilu
Be hummeu a populai tune beating the ihythm with his fingeis on
the siue of his chaii Bis eyes weie shining They seemeu to spaikle Be
chuckleu shaking his heau
Youre not following me he saiu smiling
I am I have no pioblems I saiu but I uiu not sounu veiy convincing
The tonal is an islanu he explaineu The best way of uesciibing it is
to say that the tonal is this
Be ian his hanu ovei the table top
We can say that the tonal is like the top of this table An islanu Anu
on this islanu we have eveiything This islanu is in fact the woilu
Theie is a peisonal tonal foi eveiy one of us anu theie is a collective
one foi all of us at any given time which we can call the tonal of the
times
Be pointeu to the iows of tables in the iestauiant
Look Eveiy table has the same configuiation Ceitain items aie
piesent on all of them They aie howevei inuiviuually uiffeient fiom
each othei Some tables aie moie ciowueu than otheis They have
uiffeient foou on them uiffeient plates uiffeient atmospheie yet we
have to aumit that all the tables in this iestauiant aie veiy alike
The same thing happens with the tonal We can say that the tonal of
the times is what makes us alike in the same way it makes all the tables in
this iestauiant alike Each table sepaiately neveitheless is an inuiviuual
case just like the peisonal tonal of each of us But the impoitant factoi to
keep in minu is that eveiything we know about ouiselves anu about oui
woilu is on the islanu of the tonal See what I mean
If the tonal is eveiything we know about ouiselves anu oui woilu
what then is the nagual
The nagual is the pait of us which we uo not ueal with at all
I beg youi paiuon
The nagual is the pait of us foi which theie is no uesciiption no
woius no names no feelings no knowleuge
Thats a contiauiction uon Juan In my opinion if it cant be felt oi
uesciibeu oi nameu it cannot exist
Its a contiauiction only in youi opinion I waineu you befoie uont
knock youiself out tiying to unueistanu this
Woulu you say that the nagual is the minu
No The minu is an item on the table The minu is pait of the tonal
Lets say that the minu is the chili sauce
Be took a bottle of sauce anu placeu it in fiont of me
Is the nagual the soul
No The soul is also on the table Lets say that the soul is the
ashtiay
Is it the thoughts of men
No Thoughts aie also on the table Thoughts aie like the silveiwaie
Be pickeu up a foik anu placeu it next to the chili sauce anu the
ashtiay
Is it a state of giace Beaven
Not that eithei That whatevei it might be is also pait of the tonal It
is lets say the napkin
I went on giving possible ways of uesciibing what he was alluuing to
puie intellect psyche eneigy vital foice immoitality life piinciple Foi
each thing I nameu he founu an item on the table to seive as a
counteipait anu shoveu it in fiont of me until he hau all the objects on
the table stasheu in one pile
Bon Juan seemeu to be enjoying himself immensely Be giggleu anu
iubbeu his hanus eveiy time I nameu anothei possibility
Is the nagual the Supieme Being the Almighty uou I askeu
No uou is also on the table Lets say that uou is the tablecloth
Be maue a joking gestuie of pulling the tablecloth in oiuei to stack it
up with the iest of the items he hau put in fiont of me
But aie you saying that uou uoes not exist
No I didnt say that All I saiu was that the nagual was not uou
because uou is an item of oui peisonal tonal anu of the tonal of the times
The tonal is as Ive alieauy saiu eveiything we think the woilu is
composeu of incluuing uou of couise uou has no moie impoitance
othei than being a pait of the tonal of oui time
In my unueistanuing uon Juan uou is eveiything Arent we talking
about the same thing
No uou is only eveiything you can think of theiefoie piopeily
speaking he is only anothei item on the islanu uou cannot be witnesseu
at will he can only be talkeu about
The nagual on the othei hanu is at the seivice of the waiiioi It can
be witnesseu but it cannot be talkeu about
If the nagual is not any of the things I have mentioneu I saiu
peihaps you can tell me about its location Wheie is it
Bon Juan maue a sweeping gestuie anu pointeu to the aiea beyonu
the bounuaiies of the table Be swept his hanu as if with the back of it he
weie cleaning an imaginaiy suiface that went beyonu the euges of the
table
The nagual is theie he saiu Theie suiiounuing the islanu The
nagual is theie wheie powei hoveis
We sense fiom the moment we aie boin that theie aie two paits to
us At the time of biith anu foi a while aftei we aie all nagual We sense
then that in oiuei to function we neeu a counteipait to what we have
The tonal is missing anu that gives us fiom the veiy beginning a feeling
of incompleteness
Then the tonal staits to uevelop anu it becomes utteily impoitant to
oui functioning so impoitant that it opaques the shine of the nagual It
oveiwhelms it Fiom the moment we become all tonal we uo nothing
else but to inciement that olu feeling of incompleteness which
accompanies us fiom the moment of oui biith anu which tells us
constantly that theie is anothei pait to give us completeness
Fiom the moment we become all tonal we begin making paiis We
sense oui two siues but we always iepiesent them with items of the
tonal We say that the two paits of us aie the soul anu the bouy 0i minu
anu mattei 0i goou anu evil uou anu Satan
We nevei iealize howevei that we aie meiely paiiing things on the
islanu veiy much like paiiing coffee anu tea oi bieau anu tortillas oi
chili anu mustaiu I tell you we aie weiiu animals We get caiiieu away
anu in oui mauness we believe ouiselves to be making peifect sense
Bon Juan stoou up anu auuiesseu me as if he weie an oiatoi Be
pointeu his inuex fingei at me anu maue his heau shivei
Nan doesnt move between goou anu evil he saiu in a hilaiiously
ihetoiical tone giabbing the salt anu peppei shakeis in both hanus Bis
tiue movement is between negativeness anu positiveness
Be uioppeu the salt anu peppei anu clutcheu a knife anu foik
Youre wiong Theie is no movement he continueu as if he weie
answeiing himself Nan is only minu
Be took the bottle of sauce anu helu it up Then he put it uown
As you can see he saiu softly we can easily ieplace chili sauce foi
minu anu enu up saying Nan is only chili sauce Boing that wont make
us moie uementeu than we alieauy aie
Im afiaiu I havent askeu the iight question I saiu Naybe we
coulu aiiive at a bettei unueistanuing if I askeu what one can specifically
finu in that aiea beyonu the islanu
Theie is no way of answeiing that If I woulu say nothing I woulu
only make the nagual pait of the tonal All I can say is that theie beyonu
the islanu one finus the nagual
But when you call it the nagual arent you also placing it on the
islanu
No I nameu it only because I wanteu to make you awaie of it
All iight But becoming awaie of it is the step that has tuineu the
nagual into a new item of my tonal
Im afiaiu you uo not unueistanu I have nameu the tonal anu the
nagual as a tiue paii That is all I have uone
Be ieminueu me that once while tiying to explain to him my
insistence on meaning I hau uiscusseu the iuea that chiluien might not
be capable of compiehenuing the uiffeience between fathei anu
mothei until they weie quite uevelopeu in teims of hanuling meaning
Anu that they woulu peihaps believe that it might be that fathei weais
pants anu mothei skiits oi othei uiffeiences uealing with haiistyle oi
size of bouy oi items of clothing
We ceitainly uo the same thing with the two paits of us he saiu
We sense that theie is anothei siue to us But when we tiy to pin uown
that othei siue the tonal gets holu of the baton anu as a uiiectoi it is
quite petty anu jealous It uazzles us with its cunningness anu foices us to
obliteiate the slightest inkling of the othei pait of the tiue paii the
nagual
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Two The Bay of the Tonal
veision
anu the Nagual
The Bay of the Tonal
As we left the iestauiant I tolu uon Juan that he hau been coiiect in
waining me about the uifficulty of the topic anu that my intellectual
piowess was inauequate to giasp his concepts anu explanations I
suggesteu that peihaps if I woulu go to my hotel anu ieau my notes my
compiehension of the subject might impiove Be tiieu to put me at ease
Be saiu that I was woiiying about woius While he was speaking I
expeiienceu a shivei anu foi an instant I senseu that theie was inueeu
anothei aiea within me
I mentioneu to uon Juan that I was having some inexplicable feelings
Ny statement appaiently aiouseu his cuiiosity I tolu him that I hau hau
the same feelings befoie anu that they seemeu to be momentaiy lapses
inteiiuptions in my flow of awaieness They always manifesteu
themselves as a jolt in my bouy followeu by the sensation that I was
suspenueu in something
We heaueu foi uowntown walking leisuiely Bon Juan askeu me to
ielate all the uetails of my lapses I hau a haiu time uesciibing them
beyonu the point of calling them moments of foigetfulness oi absent
minueuness oi not watching what I was uoing
Be patiently iebuffeu me Be pointeu out that I was a uemanuing
peison hau an excellent memoiy anu was veiy caieful in my actions It
hau occuiieu to me at fiist that those peculiai lapses weie associateu
with stopping the inteinal uialogue but I also hau hau them when I hau
talkeu to myself extensively They seemeu to stem fiom an aiea
inuepenuent of eveiything I knew
Bon Juan patteu me on the back Be smileu with appaient uelight
Youre finally beginning to make ieal connections he saiu
I askeu him to explain his ciyptic statement but he abiuptly stoppeu
oui conveisation anu signaleu me to follow him to a small paik in fiont of
a chuich
This is the enu of oui jouiney to uowntown he saiu anu sat uown
on a bench Right heie we have an iueal spot to watch people Theie aie
some who walk by on the stieet anu otheis who come to chuich Fiom
heie we can see eveiyone
Be pointeu to a wiue business stieet anu to the giavel walk leauing to
the steps of the chuich 0ui bench was locateu miuway between the
chuich anu the stieet
This is my veiy favoiite bench he saiu caiessing the woou
Be winkeu at me anu auueu with a giin It likes me Thats why no
one was sitting on it It knew I was coming
The bench knew that
No Not the bench Ny nagual
Boes the nagual have consciousness Is it awaie of things
0f couise It is awaie of eveiything Thats why Im inteiesteu in
youi account What you call lapses anu feelings is the nagual In oiuei to
talk about it we must boiiow fiom the islanu of tbe tonal Theiefoie it is
moie convenient not to explain it but to simply iecount its effects
I wanteu to say something else about those peculiai feelings but he
husheu me
No moie Touay is not the uay of the nagual touay is the uay of the
tonal he saiu I put on my suit because touay I am all tonal
Be staieu at me I was about to tell him that the subject was pioving
to be moie uifficult than anything he hau evei explaineu to me Be
seemeu to have anticipateu my woius
It is uifficult he continueu I know it But consiueiing that this is
the final liu the last stage of what Ive been teaching you it is not too
faifetcheu to say that it envelops eveiything I mentioneu since the fiist
uay we met
We iemaineu quiet foi a long while I felt that I hau to wait foi him to
iesume his explanation but I hau a suuuen attack of appiehension anu
huiiieuly askeu Aie the nagual anu the tonal within ouiselves
veiy uifficult question he saiu You youiself woulu say that they
aie within ouiselves I myself woulu say that they aie not but neithei of
us woulu be iight The tonal of youi time calls foi you to maintain that
eveiything uealing with youi feelings anu thoughts takes place within
youiself The soiceieis tonal says the opposite eveiything is outsiue
Whos iight No one Insiue outsiue it doesnt ieally mattei
I iaiseu a point I saiu that when he talkeu about the tonal anu the
nagual it sounueu as if theie was still a thiiu pait Be hau saiu that the
tonal foices us to peifoim acts I askeu him to tell me who he was
iefeiiing to as being foiceu
Be uiu not answei me uiiectly
To explain all this is not that simple he saiu No mattei how clevei
the checkpoints of the tonal aie the fact of the mattei is that the nagual
suifaces Its coming to the suiface is always inauveitent though The
tonals gieat ait is to suppiess any manifestation of the nagual in such a
mannei that even if its piesence shoulu be the most obvious thing in the
woilu it is unnoticeable
Foi whom is it unnoticeable
Be chuckleu shaking his heau up anu uown I piesseu him foi an
answei
Foi the tonal he saiu Im speaking about it exclusively I may go
aiounu in ciicles but that shouldnt suipiise oi annoy you I waineu you
about the uifficulty of unueistanuing what I have to tell I went thiough
all that iigamaiole because my tonal is awaie that it is speaking about
itself
In othei woius my tonal is using itself in oiuei to unueistanu the
infoimation I want youi tonal to be cleai about Lets say that the tonal
since it is keenly awaie of how taxing it is to speak of itself has cieateu
the teims I myself anu so foith as a balance anu thanks to them it can
talk with othei tonals oi with itself about itself
Now when I say that the tonal foices us to uo something I uont
mean that theie is a thiiu paity theie 0bviously it foices itself to follow
its own juugments
0n ceitain occasions howevei oi unuei ceitain special
ciicumstances something in the tonal itself becomes awaie that theie is
moie to us It is like a voice that comes fiom the uepths the voice of the
nagual You see the totality of ouiselves is a natuial conuition which the
tonal cannot obliteiate altogethei anu theie aie moments especially in
the life of a waiiioi when the totality becomes appaient At those
moments one can suimise anu assess what we ieally aie
I was conceineu with those jolts you have hau because that is the
way the nagual suifaces At those moments the tonal becomes awaie of
the totality of oneself It is always a jolt because that awaieness uisiupts
the lull I call that awaieness the totality of the being that is going to uie
The iuea is that at the moment of ueath the othei membei of the tiue
paii the nagual becomes fully opeiative anu the awaieness anu
memoiies anu peiceptions stoieu in oui calves anu thighs in oui back
anu shoulueis anu neck begin to expanu anu uisintegiate Like the beaus
of an enuless bioken necklace they fall asunuei without the binuing
foice of life
Be lookeu at me Bis eyes weie peaceful I felt ill at ease stupiu
The totality of ouiselves is a veiy tacky affaii he saiu We neeu
only a veiy small poition of it to fulfill the most complex tasks of life Yet
when we uie we uie with the totality of ouiselves A soiceiei asks the
question If were going to uie with the totality of ouiselves why not
then live with that totality
Be signaleu me with his heau to watch the scoies of people that went
by
Theyre all tonal he saiu I am going to single some of them out so
youi tonal will assess them anu in assessing them it will assess itself
Be uiiecteu my attention to two olu lauies that hau emeigeu fiom the
chuich They stoou at the top of the limestone steps foi a moment anu
then began to walk uown with infinite caie iesting on eveiy step
Watch those two women veiy caiefully he saiu But uont see them
as peisons oi as faces that holu things in common with us See them as
tonals
The two women got to the bottom of the steps They moveu as if the
iough giavel weie maibles anu they weie about to ioll anu lose theii
balance on them They walkeu aim in aim piopping each othei up with
the weight of theii bouies
Look at them uon Juan saiu in a low voice Those women aie the
best example of the most miseiable tonal one can finu
I noticeu that the two women weie smallboneu but fat They weie
peihaps in theii eaily fifties They hau a painful look in theii faces as if
walking uown the chuich steps hau been beyonu theii stiength
They weie in fiont of us They vacillateu foi a moment anu then they
came to a halt Theie was one moie step on the giavel walk
Watch youi step lauies uon Juan shouteu as he stoou up
uiamatically
The women lookeu at him appaiently confuseu by his suuuen
outbuist
Ny mom bioke hei hip iight theie the othei uay he auueu anu
uasheu ovei to help them
They thankeu him piofusely anu he auviseu them that if they evei
lost theii balance anu fell uown they hau to iemain motionless on the
spot until the ambulance came Bis tone was sinceie anu convincing The
women ciosseu themselves
Bon Juan sat uown again Bis eyes weie beaming Be spoke softly
Those women aie not that olu anu theii bouies aie not that weak
anu yet they aie ueciepit Eveiything about them is uieaiy theii clothes
theii smell theii attituue Why uo you think thats so
Naybe they weie boin that way I saiu
No one is boin that way We make ouiselves that way The tonal of
those women is weak anu timiu
I saiu that touay was going to be the uay of the tonal I meant that
touay I want to ueal with it exclusively I also saiu that I hau put on my
suit foi that specific puipose With it I wanteu to show you that a waiiioi
tieats his tonal in a veiy special mannei Ive pointeu out to you that my
suit has been maue to oiuei anu that eveiything I have on touay fits me
to peifection It is not my vanity that I wanteu to show but my waiiiois
spiiit my waiiiois tonal
Those two women gave you youi fiist view of the tonal touay Life
can be as meiciless with you as it is with them if you aie caieless with
youi tonal I put myself as the counteipoint If you unueistanu coiiectly I
shoulu not neeu to stiess this point
I hau a suuuen attack of unceitainty anu askeu him to spell out what I
shoulu have unueistoou
I must have sounueu uespeiate Be laugheu out louu
Look at that young man in gieen pants anu a pink shiit uon Juan
whispeieu pointing to a veiy thin anu veiy uaik complexioneu shaip
featuieu young man who was stanuing almost in fiont of us
Be seemeu to be unueciueu whethei to go towaius the chuich oi
towaius the stieet Twice he iaiseu his hanu in the uiiection of the
chuich as though he weie talking to himself anu was about to stait
moving towaius it Then he staieu at me with a blank expiession
Look at the way hes uiesseu uon Juan saiu in a whispei Look at
those shoes
The young mans clothes weie tatteieu anu wiinkleu anu his shoes
weie in absolute pieces
Bes obviously veiy pooi I saiu
Is that all you can say about him he askeu
I enumeiateu a seiies of ieasons that might have accounteu foi the
young mans shabbiness pooi health bau luck inuolence inuiffeience to
his peisonal appeaiance oi the chance that he may have just been
ieleaseu fiom piison
Bon Juan saiu that I was meiely speculating anu that he was not
inteiesteu in justifying anything by suggesting that the man was a victim
of unconqueiable foices
Naybe hes a seciet agent maue to look like a bum I saiu jokingly
The young man walkeu away towaius the stieet with a uisjointeu
gait
Bes not maue to look like a bum Be is a bum uon Juan saiu Look
how weak his bouy is Bis aims anu legs aie thin Be can haiuly walk No
one can pietenu to look that way Theie is something uefinitely wiong
with him not his ciicumstances though I have to stiess again that I want
you to see that man as a tonal
What uoes it entail to see a man as a tonal
It entails to cease juuging him in a moial sense oi excusing him on
the giounus that he is like a leaf at the meicy of the winu In othei woius
it entails seeing a man without thinking that he is hopeless oi helpless
You know exactly what I am talking about You can assess that young
man without conuemning oi foigiving him
Be uiinks too much I saiu
Ny statement was not volitional I just maue it without ieally
knowing why Foi an instant I even felt that someone stanuing behinu me
hau voiceu the woius I was moveu to explain that my statement was
anothei of my speculations
That was not the case uon Juan saiu Youi tone of voice hau a
ceitainty that you lackeu befoie You didnt say Naybe hes a
uiunkaiu
I felt embaiiasseu although I coulu not exactly ueteimine why Bon
Juan laugheu
You saw thiough the man he saiu That was seeing Seeing is like
that Statements aie maue with gieat ceitainty anu one doesnt know
how it happeneu
You know that young mans tonal was shot but you uont know how
you know it
I hau to aumit that somehow I hau hau that impiession
Youre iight uon Juan saiu It doesnt ieally mattei that hes
young Bes as ueciepit as the two women Youth is in no way a baiiiei
against the ueteiioiation of the tonal
You thought that theie might be a gieat many ieasons foi that mans
conuition I finu that theie is only one his tonal It is not that his tonal is
weak because he uiinks It is the othei way aiounu Be uiinks because his
tonal is weak That weakness foices him to be what he is But the same
thing happens to all of us in one foim oi anothei
But arent you also justifying his behavioi by saying that its his
tonal
Im giving you an explanation that you have nevei encounteieu
befoie It is not a justification oi a conuemnation though That young
mans tonal is weak anu timiu Anu yet hes not unique All of us aie moie
oi less in the same boat
At that moment a veiy laige man passeu in fiont of us heauing
towaius the chuich Be was weaiing an expensive uaik giay business
suit anu was caiiying a biiefcase The collai of his shiit was unbuttoneu
anu his necktie loose Be was sweating piofusely Be hau a veiy light
complexion which maue the peispiiation all the moie obvious
Watch him uon Juan oiueieu me
The mans steps weie small but heavy Theie was a wobbling quality
to his walking Be uiu not go up to the chuich Be ciicumventeu it anu
uisappeaieu behinu it
Theie is no neeu to tieat the bouy in such an awful mannei uon
Juan saiu with a note of scoin But the sau fact is that all of us have
leaineu to peifection how to make oui tonal weak I have calleu that
inuulging
Be put his hanu on my notebook anu uiu not let me wiite any moie
Bis iationale was that as long as I kept on taking notes I was incapable of
concentiating Be suggesteu I shoulu ielax shut off the inteinal uialogue
anu let go meiging with the peison being obseiveu
I askeu him to explain what he meant by meiging Be saiu theie was
no way to explain it that it was something that the bouy felt oi uiu when
put in obseivational contact with othei bouies Be then claiifieu the issue
by saying that in the past he hau calleu that piocess seeing anu that it
consisteu of a lull of tiue silence within followeu by an outwaiu
elongation of something in the self an elongation that met anu meigeu
with the othei bouy oi with anything within ones fielu of awaieness
At that point I wanteu to get back to my wiiting pau but he stoppeu
me anu began to single out uiffeient people fiom the ciowu that passeu
by
Be pointeu out uozens of peisons coveiing a wiue iange of types
among men women anu chiluien of vaiious ages Bon Juan saiu that he
hau selecteu peisons whose weak tonal coulu fit into a categoiization
scheme anu thus he hau acquainteu me with a pieconceiveu vaiiety of
inuulging
I uiu not iemembei all the people he hau pointeu out anu uiscusseu I
complaineu that if I hau taken notes I coulu have at least sketcheu out the
intiicacies of his schemata on inuulging As it was he uiu not want to
iepeat it oi peihaps he uiu not iemembei it eithei
Be laugheu anu saiu that he uiu not iemembei it because in the life of
a soiceiei it was the nagual that was accountable foi cieativity
Be lookeu at the sky anu saiu that it was getting late anu that fiom
that moment on we weie going to change uiiection Insteau of weak
tonals we weie going to wait foi the appeaiance of a piopei tonal Be
auueu that only a waiiioi hau a piopei tonal anu that the aveiage man
at best coulu have a iight tonal
Aftei a few minutes wait he slappeu his thigh anu chuckleu
Look whos coming now he saiu pointing to the stieet with a
movement of his chin It is as if they weie maue to oiuei
I saw thiee male Inuians appioaching They hau on some shoit biown
woolen ponchos white pants that came to theii miu calf longsleeveu
white tops uiity woinout sanuals anu olu stiaw hats Each of them
caiiieu a bunule tieu to his back
Bon Juan stoou up anu went to meet them Be spoke to them They
seemeu suipiiseu anu suiiounueu him They smileu at him Be was
appaiently telling them something about me The thiee of them tuineu
aiounu anu smileu at me They weie about ten oi twelve feet away I
listeneu caiefully but I coulu not heai what they weie saying
Bon Juan ieacheu in his pocket anu hanueu them some bills They
appeaieu to be pleaseu They moveu theii feet neivously I likeu them
veiy much They lookeu like chiluien All of them hau small white teeth
anu veiy pleasing milu featuies
0ne by all appeaiances the oluest hau whiskeis Bis eyes weie tiieu
but veiy kinu Be took off his hat anu came closei to the bench The
otheis followeu him The thiee of them gieeteu me in unison We shook
hanus Bon Juan tolu me to give them some money They thankeu me
anu aftei a polite silence they saiu goouby Bon Juan sat back uown on
the bench anu we watcheu them uisappeai in the ciowu
I tolu uon Juan that foi some stiange ieason I hau likeu them veiy
much
It isnt so stiange he saiu You mustve felt that theii tonal is just
iight It is iight but not foi oui time
You piobably felt they weie like chiluien They aie Anu that is veiy
tough I unueistanu them bettei than you thus I couldnt help but feel a
tinge of sauness Inuians aie like uogs they have nothing But that is the
natuie of theii foitune anu I shouldnt feel sau Ny sauness of couise is
my own way of inuulging
Wheie aie they fiom uon Juan
Fiom the Sieiias Theyve come heie to seek theii foitune They
want to become meichants Theyre biotheis I tolu them that I also came
fiom the Sieiias anu Im a meichant myself I saiu that you weie my
paitnei The money we gave them was a token A waiiioi shoulu give
tokens like that all the time They no uoubt neeu the money but neeu
shoulu not be an essential consiueiation foi a token The thing to look foi
is feeling I peisonally was moveu by those thiee
Inuians aie the loseis of oui time Theii uownfall began with the
Spaniaius anu now unuei the ieign of theii uescenuants the Inuians
have lost eveiything It is not an exaggeiation to say that the Inuians have
lost theii tonal
Is that a metaphoi uon Juan
No It is a fact The tonal is veiy vulneiable It cannot withstanu
maltieatment The white man fiom the uay he set foot on this lanu has
systematically uestioyeu not only the Inuian tonal of the time but also
the peisonal tonal of eveiy Inuian 0ne can easily suimise suimise
solve by guessing fiom incomplete eviuence that foi the pooi aveiage
Inuian the ieign of the white man has been sheei hell Anu yet the iiony is
that foi anothei kinu of Inuian it has been sheei bliss
Who aie you talking about What kinu of Inuian is that
The soiceiei Foi the soiceiei the Conquest was the challenge of a
lifetime They weie the only ones who weie not uestioyeu by it They
auapteu to it anu useu it to theii ultimate auvantage
Bow was that possible uon Juan I was unuei the impiession that
the Spaniaius left no stone untuineu
Lets say that they tuineu ovei all the stones that weie within the
limits of theii own tonal In the Inuian life howevei theie weie things
that weie incompiehensible to the white man Those things he uiu not
even notice Peihaps it was the sheei luck of the soiceieis oi peihaps it
was theii knowleuge that saveu them Aftei the tonal of the time anu the
peisonal tonal of eveiy Inuian was obliteiateu the soiceieis founu
themselves holuing on to the only thing left uncontesteu the nagual
In othei woius theii tonal took iefuge in theii nagual This couldnt
have happeneu hau it not been foi the exciuciating conuitions of a
vanquisheu people The men of knowleuge of touay aie the piouuct of
those conuitions anu aie the ultimate connoisseuis an expeit able to
appieciate a bianch of knowleuge of the nagual since they weie left
theie thoioughly alone Theie the white man has nevei ventuieu In fact
he doesnt even have the iuea it exists
I felt compelleu at that point to piesent an aigument I sinceiely
contenueu that in Euiopean thought we hau accounteu foi what he calleu
the nagual
I biought in the concept of the Tianscenuental Ego oi the
unobseiveu obseivei piesent in all oui thoughts peiceptions anu
feelings I explaineu to uon Juan that the inuiviuual coulu peiceive oi
intuit himself as a self thiough the Tianscenuental Ego because this was
the only thing capable of juugment capable of uisclosing ieality within
the iealm of its consciousness
Bon Juan was uniuffleu Be laugheu
Bisclosing ieality he saiu mimicking me Thats the tonal
I aigueu that the tonal may be calleu the Empiiical Ego founu in
ones passing stieam of consciousness oi expeiience while the
Tianscenuental Ego was founu behinu that stieam
Watching I suppose he saiu mockingly
Thats iight Watching itself I saiu
I heai you talking he saiu But youre saying nothing The nagual
is not expeiience oi intuition oi consciousness Those teims anu
eveiything else you may caie to say aie only items on the islanu of the
tonal The nagual on the othei hanu is only effect The tonal begins at
biith anu enus at ueath but the nagual nevei enus The nagual has no
limit Ive saiu that the nagual is wheie powei hoveis
That was only a way of alluuing to it By ieasons of its effect
peihaps the nagual can be best unueistoou in teims of powei Foi
instance when you felt numb anu couldnt talk eailiei touay I was
actually soothing you That is my nagual was acting upon you
Bow was that possible uon Juan
You wont believe this but no one knows how All I know is that I
wanteu youi unuiviueu attention anu then my nagual went to woik on
you I know that much because I can witness its effect but I uont know
how it woiks
Be was quiet foi a while I wanteu to keep on the same topic I
attempteu to ask a question Be silenceu me
0ne can say that the nagual accounts foi cieativity he finally saiu
anu lookeu at me pieicingly The nagual is the only pait of us that can
cieate
Be iemaineu quiet looking at me I felt he was uefinitely leauing me
into an aiea I hau wisheu he woulu eluciuate eluciuate make cleai nad
fiee fiom confusion fuithei Be hau saiu that the tonal uiu not cieate
anything but only witnesseu anu assesseu I askeu how he explaineu the
fact that we constiuct supeib stiuctuies anu machines
Thats not cieativity he saiu Thats only moluing We can molu
anything with oui hanus peisonally oi in conjunction with the hanus of
othei tonals A gioup of tonals can molu anything supeib stiuctuies as
you saiu
But whats cieativity then uon Juan
Be staieu at me squinting his eyes Be chuckleu softly lifteu his iight
hanu ovei his heau anu twisteu his wiist with a shaip jeik as if he weie
tuining a uooi knob
Cieativity is this he saiu anu biought his hanu with a cuppeu palm
to the level of my eyes
It took me an incieuibly long time to focus my eyes on his hanu I felt
that a tianspaient membiane was holuing my whole bouy in a fixeu
position anu that I hau to bieak it in oiuei to place my sight on his hanu
I stiuggleu until beaus of peispiiation ian into my eyes Finally I
heaiu oi felt a pop anu my eyes anu heau jeikeu fiee
0n his iight palm theie was the most cuiious iouent I hau evei seen
It lookeu like a bushytaileu squiiiel The tail howevei was moie like a
poicupines It hau stiff quills
Touch it uon Juan saiu softly
I automatically obeyeu him anu ian my fingei on its soft back Bon
Juan biought his hanu closei to my eyes anu then I noticeu something
that thiew me into neivous spasms The squiiiel hau eyeglasses anu big
teeth
It looks like a }apanese I saiu anu began to laugh hysteiically
The iouent then staiteu to giow in uon Juans palm Anu while my
eyes weie still filleu with teais of laughtei the iouent became so
enoimous that it uisappeaieu It liteially went out of the fiame of my
vision It happeneu so iapiuly that I was caught in the miuule of a spasm
of laughtei When I lookeu again oi when I wipeu my eyes anu focuseu
them piopeily I was looking at uon Juan Be was sitting on the bench
anu I was stanuing in fiont of him although I uiu not iemembei having
stoou up
Foi a moment my neivousness was uncontainable Bon Juan calmly
got up foiceu me to sit pioppeu my chin between the bicep anu foieaim
of his left aim anu hit me on the veiy top of my heau with the knuckles of
his iight hanu The effect was like the jolt of an electiic cuiient It calmeu
me uown immeuiately
Theie weie so many things that I wanteu to ask but my woius coulu
not waue thiough all those thoughts I then became keenly awaie that I
hau lost contiol ovei my vocal coius I uiu not want to stiuggle to speak
howevei anu leaneu against the back of the bench Bon Juan saiu
foicefully that I hau to pull myself togethei anu stop inuulging I felt a bit
uizzy Be impeiatively oiueieu me to wiite my notes anu hanueu me my
pau anu pencil aftei picking them up fiom unueineath the bench
I maue a supieme effoit to say something anu again I hau the cleai
sensation that a membiane was enveloping me I puffeu anu gioaneu foi
a moment while uon Juan laugheu until I heaiu oi felt anothei pop
I began to wiite immeuiately Bon Juan spoke as if he weie uictating
to me
0ne of the acts of a waiiioi is nevei to let anything affect him he
saiu Thus a waiiioi may be seeing the uevil himself but he wont let
anyone know that The contiol of a waiiioi has to be impeccable
Be waiteu until I hau finisheu wiiting anu then askeu me laughingly
Biu you get all that
I suggesteu that we shoulu go to a iestauiant anu have uinnei I was
famisheu Be saiu that we hau to stay until the piopei tonal appeaieu
Be auueu in a seiious tone that if the piopei tonal uiu not come that uay
we hau to iemain on the bench until it caieu to show up
What is a piopei tonal I askeu
A tonal that is just iight balanceu anu haimonious You aie
supposeu to finu one touay oi iathei youi powei is supposeu to biing
one to us
But how can I tell it apait fiom othei tonals
Nevei minu that I will point it out to you
What is it like uon Juan
Baiu to tell It uepenus on you This is a show foi you theiefoie you
will set up those conuitions youiself
Bow
I uont know that Youi powei youi nagual will uo that
Theie aie ioughly speaking two siues to eveiy tonal 0ne is the
outei pait the fiinge the suiface of the islanu Thats the pait ielateu to
action anu acting the iuggeu siue The othei pait is uecision anu
juugment the innei tonal softei moie uelicate anu moie complex
The piopei tonal is a tonal wheie the two levels aie in peifect
haimony anu balance
Bon Juan stoppeu talking It was faiily uaik by then anu I hau a haiu
time taking notes Be tolu me to stietch anu ielax Be saiu that it hau
been quite an exhausting uay but veiy piolific piolific piouuctive in
abunuance anu that he was suie the piopei tonal woulu show up
Bozens of people went by We sat in a ielaxeu silence foi ten oi
fifteen minutes Then uon Juan stoou up abiuptly
By golly youve uone it Look whats coming theie A giil
Be pointeu with a nou of his heau to a young woman who was
ciossing the paik anu was appioaching the vicinity of oui bench Bon
Juan saiu that that young woman was the piopei tonal anu that if she
woulu stop to talk to eithei one of us it woulu be an extiaoiuinaiy omen
anu we woulu have to uo whatevei she wanteu
I coulu not cleaily uistinguish the young womans featuies although
theie was still enough light She came within a couple of feet but went by
without looking at us Bon Juan oiueieu me in a whispei to get up anu go
talk to hei
I ian aftei hei anu askeu foi uiiections I got veiy close to hei She
was young peihaps in hei miutwenties of meuium height veiy
attiactive anu wellgioomeu Bei eyes weie cleai anu peaceful She
smileu at me as I spoke Theie was something winning about hei I likeu
hei as much as I hau likeu the thiee Inuians
I went back to the bench anu sat uown
Is she a waiiioi I askeu
Not quite uon Juan saiu Youi powei is not that keen yet to biing a
waiiioi But shes a just iight tonal 0ne that coulu tuin into a piopei
tonal Waiiiois come fiom that stock
Bis statements aiouseu my cuiiosity I askeu him if women coulu be
waiiiois Be lookeu at me appaiently baffleu by my question
0f couise they can he saiu anu they aie even bettei equippeu foi
the path of knowleuge than men But then men aie a bit moie iesilient
iesilient able to iecovei ieauily fiom misfoitune I woulu say howevei
that all in all women have a slight auvantage
I saiu that it puzzleu me that we hau nevei talkeu about women in
ielation to his knowleuge
Youre a man he saiu theiefoie I use the masculine genuei when I
talk to you Thats all The iest is the same
I wanteu to question him fuithei but he maue a gestuie to close the
topic Be lookeu up The sky was almost black The banks of clouus
lookeu extiemely uaik Theie weie still howevei some aieas wheie the
clouus weie slightly oiange
The enu of the uay is youi best time uon Juan saiu The
appeaiance of that young woman at the veiy euge of the uay is an omen
We weie talking about the tonal theiefoie it is an omen about youi
tonal
What uoes the omen mean uon Juan
It means that you have veiy little time left to oiganize youi
aiiangements Any aiiangements that you might have constiucteu have
to be viable aiiangements because you uont have time to make new
ones Youi aiiangements must woik now oi they aie not aiiangements
at all
I suggest that when you go back home you check youi lines anu
make suie they aie stiong You will neeu them
Whats going to happen to me uon Juan
Yeais ago you biu foi powei You have followeu the haiuships of
leaining faithfully without fietting oi iushing You aie now at the euge of
the uay
What uoes that mean
Foi a piopei tonal eveiything on the islanu of the tonal is a
challenge Anothei way of saying it is that foi a waiiioi eveiything in this
woilu is a challenge The gieatest challenge of all of couise is his biu foi
powei But powei comes fiom the nagual anu when a waiiioi finus
himself at the euge of the uay it means that the houi of the nagual is
appioaching the waiiiois houi of powei
I still uont unueistanu the meaning of all this uon Juan Boes it
mean that I am going to uie soon
If youre stupiu you will he ietoiteu cuttingly But putting it in
miluei teims it means that youre about to shivei in youi pants You biu
foi powei once anu that biuuing is iiieveisible I wont say that youre
about to fulfill youi uestiny because theie is no uestiny The only thing
that one can say then is that youre about to fulfill youi powei The omen
was cleai That young woman came to you at the euge of the uay You
have little time left anu none of it foi ciap A fine state I woulu say that
the best of us always comes out when we aie against the wall when we
feel the swoiu uangling oveiheau Peisonally I wouldnt have it any
othei way
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Two Shiinking the Tonal
veision
anu the Nagual
Shiinking the Tonal
0n Weunesuay moining I left my hotel aiounu nine foityfive I
walkeu slowly allowing myself fifteen minutes to ieach the place wheie
uon Juan anu I hau agieeu to meet Be hau pickeu a coinei on the Paseo
de la Reforma five oi six blocks away in fiont of the ticket office of an
aiiline
I hau just finisheu eating bieakfast with a fiienu of mine Be hau
wanteu to walk with me but I hau insinuateu that I was going to meet a
giil I uelibeiately walkeu on the opposite siue of the stieet fiom wheie
the aiiline office was I hau the nagging suspicion that my fiienu who hau
always wanteu me to intiouuce him to uon Juan knew that I was going to
meet him anu might be following me I was afiaiu that if I tuineu aiounu I
woulu finu him behinu me
I saw uon Juan at a magazine stanu on the othei siue of the stieet I
staiteu to cioss ovei but hau to stop on the uiviuei anu wait theie until it
was safe to walk all the way acioss the wiue boulevaiu I tuineu aiounu
casually to see if my fiienu was following me Be was stanuing on the
coinei behinu me Be smileu sheepishly anu waveu his hanu as if telling
me that he hau been incapable of contiolling himself I uasheu acioss the
stieet without giving him time to catch up with me
Bon Juan seemeu to be awaie of my pieuicament When I ieacheu
him he gave a fuitive glance ovei my shouluei
Bes coming he saiu Wed bettei go uown the siue stieet
Be pointeu to a stieet which cut uiagonally into the Paseo de la
Reforma at the point wheie we weie stanuing I quickly oiienteu myself
I hau nevei been on that stieet but two uays befoie I hau been in the
aiiline ticket office
I knew its peculiai layout The office was on the pointeu coinei maue
by the two stieets It hau a uooi opening onto each stieet anu the
uistance between the two uoois must have been about ten to twelve feet
Theie was an aisle thiough the office fiom uooi to uooi anu a peison
coulu easily go fiom one stieet to the othei Theie weie uesks on one
siue of that pathway anu a laige iounu countei with cleiks anu cashieis
on the othei siue The uay I hau been theie the place hau been filleu with
people
I wanteu to huiiy up peihaps even iun but uon Juans pace was
ielaxeu As we ieacheu the office uooi on the uiagonal stieet I knew
without having to tuin aiounu that my fiienu hau also iun acioss the
boulevaiu anu was about to tuin into the stieet wheie we weie walking I
lookeu at uon Juan hoping that he hau a solution Be shiuggeu his
shoulueis
I felt annoyeu anu coulu not think of anything myself shoit of
punching my fiienu in the nose I must have sigheu oi exhaleu at that
veiy moment because the next thing I felt was suuuen loss of aii uue to a
foimiuable shove that uon Juan hau given me which sent me whiiling
thiough the uooi of the aiiline office
Piopelleu by his tiemenuous push I piactically flew into the ioom
Bon Juan hau caught me so unpiepaieu that my bouy hau not offeieu any
iesistance Ny fiight meigeu with the actual jolt of his thiust I
automatically put my aims in fiont of me to piotect my face
The foice of uon Juans shove hau been so gieat that saliva flew out of
my mouth anu I expeiienceu a milu veitigo as I stumbleu insiue the
ioom I neaily lost my balance anu hau to make a supieme effoit not to
fall uown I twiileu aiounu a couple of times It seemeu that the speeu of
my movements maue the scene bluiiy I vaguely noticeu a ciowu of
customeis conuucting theii business I felt extiemely embaiiasseu I
knew that eveiyone was looking at me as I ieeleu acioss the ioom
The iuea that I was making a fool out of myself was moie than
uiscomfoiting A seiies of thoughts flasheu thiough my minu I hau the
ceitainty that I was going to fall on my face oi I woulu bump into a
customei peihaps an olu lauy who woulu be injuieu by the impact oi
woise yet the glass uooi at the othei enu woulu be closeu anu I woulu
smash against it
In a uazeu state I ieacheu the uooi to the Paseo de la Reforma It was
open anu I steppeu out Ny pieoccupation of the moment was that I hau
to keep cool tuin to my iight anu walk on the boulevaiu towaius
uowntown as if nothing hau happeneu I was suie that uon Juan woulu
join me anu that peihaps my fiienu might have kept on walking along
the uiagonal stieet
I openeu my eyes oi iathei I focuseu them on the aiea in fiont of me
I hau a long moment of numbness befoie I fully iealizeu what hau
happeneu I was not on the Paseo de la Reforma as I shoulu have been
but in the Lagunilla maiket one anu a half miles away
What I expeiienceu at the moment of that iealization was such an
intense astonishment that all I coulu uo was staie stupefieu
I lookeu aiounu in oiuei to oiient myself I iealizeu that I was
actually stanuing veiy close to wheie I hau met uon Juan on my fiist uay
in Nexico City Peihaps I was even on the same spot The stanus that solu
olu coins weie five feet away I maue a supieme effoit to take holu of
myself 0bviously I hau to be expeiiencing a hallucination It coulu not
possibly be any othei way
I quickly tuineu to go back thiough the uooi into the office but
behinu me theie was only a iow of stanus with seconuhanu books anu
magazines Bon Juan was stanuing next to me to my iight Be hau an
enoimous smile on his face
Theie was a piessuie in my heau a tickling feeling as if caibonateu
soua weie going thiough my nose I was speechless I tiieu to say
something without success
I cleaily heaiu uon Juan say that I shoulu not tiy to talk oi think but I
wanteu to say something anything An awful neivousness was builuing
up insiue my chest I felt teais iolling uown my cheeks
Bon Juan uiu not shake me as he usually uoes when I fall piey to an
uncontiollable feai Insteau he patteu me gently on the heau
Now now little Carlos he saiu Bont lose youi maibles
Be helu my face in his hanus foi an instant
Bont tiy to talk he saiu
Be let my face go anu pointeu to what was taking place all aiounu us
This is not foi talking he saiu This is only foi watching Watch
Watch eveiything
I was ieally ciying Ny ieaction to my ciying was veiy stiange
howevei I kept on weeping without any concein It uiu not mattei to me
at that moment whethei oi not I was making a fool out of myself
I lookeu aiounu Right in fiont of me theie was a miuuleageu man
weaiing a pink shoitsleeveu shiit anu uaik giay pants Be seemeu to be
an Ameiican A chubby woman appaiently his wife was holuing on to his
aim The man was hanuling some coins while a thiiteen oi fouiteen yeai
olu boy peihaps the son of the piopiietoi watcheu him The boy
followeu eveiy movement the oluei man maue Finally the man put the
coins back on the table anu the boy immeuiately ielaxeu
Watch eveiything uon Juan uemanueu again
Theie was nothing unusual to watch People weie passing by going in
eveiy uiiection I tuineu aiounu A man who appeaieu to iun the
magazine stanu was staiing at me Be blinkeu iepeateuly as if he weie
about to fall asleep Be seemeu tiieu oi sick anu lookeu seeuy
I felt that theie was nothing to watch at least nothing of ieal
consequence I staieu at the scene I founu that it was impossible to
concentiate my attention on anything Bon Juan walkeu in a ciicle
aiounu me Be acteu as if he weie assessing something in me Be shook
his heau anu puckeieu his lips
Come come he saiu giabbing me gently by the aim Its time to
walk
As soon as we began to move I noticeu that my bouy was veiy light In
fact I felt that the soles of my feet weie spongy They hau a peculiai
iubbeiy spiinging quality
Bon Juan must have been awaie of my sensations Be helu me tightly
as if not to let me escape Be piesseu uown on me as though he weie
afiaiu I woulu move upwaius beyonu his ieach like a balloon
Walking maue me feel bettei Ny neivousness gave way to a
comfoitable easiness
Bon Juan insisteu again that I shoulu obseive eveiything I tolu him
that theie was nothing I wanteu to watch that it maue no uiffeience to
me what people weie uoing in the maiket anu that I uiu not want to feel
like an iuiot uutifully obseiving some moionic activity of someone buying
coins anu olu books while the ieal thing was escaping thiough my
fingeis
What is the ieal thing he askeu
I stoppeu walking anu vehemently tolu him that the impoitant thing
was whatevei he hau uone to make me peiceive that I hau coveieu the
uistance between the ticket office anu the maiket in seconus
At that point I began to shivei anu felt I was going to get ill Bon Juan
maue me put my hanus against my stomach
Be pointeu all aiounu him anu stateu again in a matteioffact tone
that the munuane activity aiounu us was the only thing of impoitance
I felt annoyeu with him I hau the physical feeling of spinning I took a
ueep bieath
What uiu you uo uon Juan I askeu with foiceu casualness
With a ieassuiing tone he saiu that he coulu tell me about that any
time but that whatevei was happening all aiounu me was not evei going
to be iepeateu
I hau no quaiiel with that The activity I was witnessing obviously
coulu not be iepeateu again in all its complexity Ny point was that I
coulu obseive a veiy similai activity any time 0n the othei hanu the
implication of having been tianspoiteu ovei the uistance in whatevei
foim was of immeasuiable significance
When I voiceu these opinions uon Juan maue his heau shivei as if
what he hau heaiu me say was actually painful to him
We walkeu in silence foi a moment Ny bouy was feveiish I noticeu
that the palms of my hanus anu the soles of my feet weie buining hot
The same unusual heat also seemeu to be localizeu in my nostiils anu
eyelius
What uiu you uo uon Juan I askeu him pleauingly
Be uiu not answei me but patteu me on the chest anu laugheu Be
saiu that men weie veiy fiail cieatuies who maue themselves even moie
fiail with theii inuulging In a veiy seiious tone he exhoiteu me not to
feel that I was about to peiish but to push myself beyonu my limits anu
to simply engage my attention on the woilu aiounu me
We continueu walking at a veiy slow pace Ny pieoccupation was
paiamount I coulu not pay attention to anything Bon Juan stoppeu anu
seemeu to uelibeiate whethei oi not to speak Be openeu his mouth to
say something but then he appeaieu to change his minu anu we began to
walk again
What happeneu is that you came heie he saiu abiuptly as he tuineu
anu staieu at me
Bow uiu that happen
Be saiu that he uiu not know anu that the only thing he uiu know was
that I hau selecteu that place myself
0ui impasse became even moie hopeless as we kept on talking I
wanteu to know the steps anu he insisteu that the selection of the place
was the only thing we coulu uiscuss anu since I uiu not know why I hau
chosen it theie was essentially nothing to talk about Be ciiticizeu
without getting angiy my obsession to ieason out eveiything as an
unnecessaiy inuulging Be saiu that it was simplei anu moie effective just
to act without seeking explanations anu that by talking about my
expeiience anu by thinking about it I was uissipating it
Aftei a few moments he saiu that we hau to leave that place because I
hau spoileu it anu it woulu become incieasingly injuiious to me
We left the maiket anu walkeu to the Alameua Paik I was exhausteu
I plunkeu uown on a bench It was only then that it occuiieu to me to
look at my watch It was am I hau to make quite an effoit in oiuei
to focus my attention I uiu not iemembei the exact time when I hau met
uon Juan I calculateu that it must have been aiounu ten Anu it coulu not
have taken us moie than ten minutes to walk fiom the maiket to the
paik which left only ten minutes unaccounteu foi
I tolu uon Juan about my calculations Be smileu I hau the ceitainty
that his smile hiu his contempt foi me yet theie was nothing in his face
to betiay that feeling
You think Im a hopeless iuiot uont you uon Juan
Ah ha he saiu anu jumpeu to his feet
Bis ieaction was so unexpecteu that I also jumpeu up at the same
time
Tell me exactly what you think my feelings aie he saiu
emphatically emphatically without question anu beyonu uoubt
I felt I knew his feelings It was as if I weie feeling them myself But
when I tiieu to say what I felt I iealizeu I coulu not talk about it To speak
iequiieu a tiemenuous effoit
Bon Juan saiu that I uiu not have enough powei yet to see him But I
coulu ceitainly see enough to finu myself suitable explanations foi what
was happening
Bont be bashful he saiu Tell me exactly what you see
I hau a suuuen anu stiange thought veiy similai to thoughts that
usually come to my minu just befoie falling asleep It was moie than a
thought A complete image woulu be a bettei uesciiption of it I saw a
tableau containing vaiious peisonages
The one which was uiiectly in fiont of me was a man sitting behinu a
winuow fiame The aiea beyonu the fiame was uiffuse but the fiame anu
the man weie ciystal cleai Be was looking at me Hs heau was tuineu
slightly to his left so he was actually looking askance at me I coulu see his
eyes moving to keep me within focus Be was leaning on the winuowsill
with his iight elbow Bis hanu was clencheu into a fist anu his muscles
weie contiacteu
To the left of the man theie was anothei image in the tableau It was a
flying lion That is the heau anu the mane weie those of a lion but the
lowei pait of its bouy belongeu to a cuily white Fiench pooule
I was about to focus my attention on it when the man maue a
smacking sounu with his lips anu stuck his heau anu tiunk out of the
winuow Bis whole bouy emeigeu as if something weie pushing him Be
hung foi a moment giabbing the winuowsill with the tips of his fingeis
as he swung like a penuulum Then he let go
I expeiienceu in my own bouy the sensation of falling It was not a
plummeting uown but a soft uescent anu then a cushioneu floating The
man was weightless Be iemaineu stationaiy foi a moment anu then he
went out of sight as if an uncontiollable foice hau sippeu him away
thiough a ciack in the tableau An instant latei he was back at the
winuow looking askance at me Bis iight foieaim was iesting on the
winuowsill only this time his hanu was waving goouby to me
Bon Juans comment was that my seeing was too elaboiate
You can uo bettei than that he saiu You want me to explain what
happeneu Well I want you to use youi seeing to uo that You saw but you
saw ciap That kinu of infoimation is useless to a waiiioi It woulu take
too long to figuie out whats what Seeing must be uiiect because a
waiiioi cant use his time to uniavel what he himself is seeing Seeing is
seeing because it cuts thiough all that nonsense
I askeu him if he thought that my vision hau only been a hallucination
anu not ieally seeing Be was convinceu it hau been seeing because of
the intiicacy of uetail but that it was inappiopiiate foi the occasion
Bo you think that my visions explain anything I askeu
Suie they uo But I wouldnt tiy to uniavel them if I weie you In the
beginning seeing is confusing anu its easy to get lost in it As the waiiioi
gets tightei howevei his seeing becomes what it shoulu be a uiiect
knowing
As uon Juan spoke I hau one of those peculiai lapses of feelings anu I
cleaily senseu that I was about to unveil something which I alieauy
knew a thing which eluueu me by tuining into something veiy bluiiy I
became awaie that I was involveu in a stiuggle The moie I tiieu to uefine
oi ieach that elusive piece of knowleuge the ueepei it sank
That seeing was too too visionaiy uon Juan saiu
The sounu of his voice shook me
A waiiioi asks a question anu thiough his seeing he gets an answei
but the answei is simple nevei embellisheu to the point of flying Fiench
poodles
We laugheu at the image Anu half jokingly I tolu him that he was too
stiict that anyone going thiough what I hau gone thiough that moining
ueseiveu a bit of leniency
That is the easy way out he saiu That is the inuulging way You
hinge the woilu on the feeling that eveiything is too much foi you Youre
not living like a waiiioi
I tolu him that theie weie so many facets of what he calleu a waiiiois
way that it was impossible to fulfill all of them anu that the meaning of it
became cleai only as I encounteieu new instances wheie I hau to apply it
A iule of thumb foi a waiiioi he saiu is that he makes his
uecisions so caiefully that nothing that may happen as a iesult of them
can suipiise him much less uiain his powei
To be a waiiioi means to be humble anu aleit Touay you weie
supposeu to watch the scene which was unfoluing in fiont of youi eyes
not to ponuei how all that was possible You focuseu youi attention on
the wiong place If I wanteu to be lenient with you I coulu easily say that
since this was the fiist time it hau happeneu to you you weie not
piepaieu But thats not peimissible because you came heie as a waiiioi
ieauy to uie Theiefoie what happeneu to you touay shouldnt have
caught you with youi pants uown
I conceueu that my tenuency was to inuulge in feai anu
bewilueiment
Lets say that a iule of thumb foi you shoulu be that when you come
to see me you shoulu come piepaieu to uie he saiu If you come heie
ieauy to uie theie shouldnt be any pitfalls oi any unwelcome suipiises
oi any unnecessaiy acts Eveiything shoulu gently fall into place because
youre expecting nothing
Thats easy to say uon Juan I am on the ieceiving enu though I am
the one who has to live with all this
It is not that you have to live with all this You aie all this Youre not
just toleiating it foi the time being Youi uecision to join foices with this
evil woilu of soiceiy shoulu have buineu all the lingeiing feelings of
confusion anu shoulu give you the spunk to claim all this as youi woilu
I felt embaiiasseu anu sau Bon Juans actions no mattei how
piepaieu I was taxeu me in such a way that eveiy time I came in contact
with him I was left with no othei iecouise but to act anu feel like a half
iational nagging peison I hau a suige of wiath anu uiu not want to wiite
any moie At that moment I wanteu to iip my notes anu thiow eveiything
in the tiash can anu I woulu have uone that hau it not been foi uon Juan
who laugheu anu helu my aim iestiaining me
In a mocking tone he saiu that my tonal was about to fool itself
again Be iecommenueu that I shoulu go to the fountain anu splash watei
on my neck anu eais
The watei sootheu me We weie quiet foi a long time
Wiite wiite uon Juan coaxeu me in a fiienuly tone Lets say that
youi notebook is the only soiceiy you have To iip it up is anothei way of
opening youiself to youi ueath It will be anothei of youi tantiums a
flashy tantium at best not a change A waiiioi doesnt evei leave the
islanu of the tonal Be uses it
Be pointeu all aiounu me with a quick movement of his hanu anu
then toucheu my notebook
This is youi woilu You cant ienounce it It is useless to get angiy
anu feel uisappointeu with oneself All that that pioves is that ones tonal
is involveu in an inteinal battle A battle within ones tonal is one of the
most inane contests I can think of The tight life of a waiiioi is uesigneu
to enu that stiuggle Fiom the beginning I have taught you to avoiu weai
anu teai
Now theie is no longei a wai within you not as it useu to be because
the waiiiois way is haimony the haimony between actions anu
uecisions at fiist anu then the haimony between tonal anu nagual
Thioughout the time I have known you I have talkeu to both youi
tonal anu youi nagual That is the way the instiuction shoulu be
conuucteu
In the beginning a teachei has to talk to the tonal It is the tonal that
has to ielinquish contiol But it shoulu be maue to uo so glauly Foi
example youi tonal has ielinquisheu some contiols without much
stiuggle because it became cleai to it that hau it iemaineu the way it
was the totality of you woulu be ueau by now
In othei woius the tonal is maue to give up unnecessaiy things like
selfimpoitance anu inuulging which only plunge it into boieuom The
whole tiouble is that the tonal clings to those things when it shoulu be
glau to iiu itself of that ciap
The task then is to convince the tonal to become fiee anu fluiu Thats
what a soiceiei neeus befoie anything else a stiong fiee tonal The
stiongei it gets the less it clings to its uoings anu the easiei it is to shiink
it So what happeneu this moining was that I saw the oppoitunity to
shiink youi tonal Foi an instant you weie absentminueu huiiying not
thinking anu I giabbeu that moment to shove you
The tonal shiinks at given times especially when it is embaiiasseu
In fact one of the featuies of the tonal is its shyness Its shyness is not
ieally an issue but theie aie ceitain instances when the tonal is taken by
suipiise anu its shyness unavoiuably makes it shiink
This moining I pluckeu my cubic centimetei of chance I noticeu the
open uooi of that office anu gave you a shove A shove is then the
technique foi shiinking the tonal 0ne must shove at the piecise instant
Foi that of couise one must know how to see
0nce the man has been shoveu anu his tonal has shiunk his nagual
if it is alieauy in motion no mattei how small this motion is will take
ovei anu achieve extiaoiuinaiy ueeus Youi nagual took ovei this
moining anu you enueu up in the maiket
Be iemaineu silent foi a moment Be seemeu to be waiting foi
questions We lookeu at each othei
I ieally uont know how he saiu as if ieauing my minu All I know
is that the nagual is capable of inconceivable feats
This moining I askeu you to watch That scene in fiont of you
whatevei it may have been hau an incalculable value foi you But insteau
of following my auvice you inuulgeu in selfpity anu confusion anu uiu
not watch
Foi a while you weie all nagual anu coulu not talk That was the
time to watch Then little by little youi tonal took ovei again anu iathei
than plunging you into a ueauly battle between youi tonal anu nagual I
walkeu you heie
What was theie in that scene uon Juan What was so impoitant
I uont know It wasnt happening to me
What uo you mean
It was youi expeiience not mine
But you weie with me Werent you
No I wasnt You weie alone I iepeateuly tolu you to watch
eveiything because that scene was only foi you
But you weie next to me uon Juan
No I wasnt But its useless to talk about it Whatevei I may say
doesnt make sense because uuiing those moments we weie in naguals
time The affaiis of the nagual can be witnesseu only with the bouy not
the ieason
If you weie not with me uon Juan who oi what was the peison I
witnesseu as you
It was me anu yet I wasnt theie
Wheie weie you then
I was with you but not theie Lets say that I was aiounu you but not
in the paiticulai place wheie youi nagual hau taken you
You mean you didnt know that we weie at the maiket
No I didnt I just taggeu along in oiuei not to lose you
This is tiuly awesome uon Juan
We weie in naguals time anu theie is nothing awesome about it
We aie capable of much moie than that That is the natuie of us as
luminous beings 0ui flaw is to insist on iemaining on oui monotonous
tiiing but convenient islanu The tonal is the villain anu it shouldnt be
I uesciibeu the little bit I iemembeieu Be wanteu to know if I hau
witnesseu any featuies of the sky such as uaylight clouus the sun 0i if I
hau heaiu noises of any soit 0i if I hau caught sight of unusual people oi
events Be wanteu to know if theie hau been any fights oi if people weie
yelling anu if they weie what they hau saiu
I coulu not answei any of his questions The plain tiuth was that I hau
accepteu the event at its appaient face value aumitting as a tiuism
tiuism an obvious tiuth that I hau flown ovei a consiueiable uistance
in one oi two seconus anu that thanks to uon Juans knowleuge
whatevei it may have been I hau lanueu in all my mateiial coipoieality
coipoieality the quality of consisting of physical mattei insiue the
maiket
Ny ieactions weie a uiiect coiollaiy coiollaiy a piactical
consequence that follows natuially of such an inteipietation I wanteu to
know the pioceuuies the membeis knowleuge the how to uo it
Theiefoie I uiu not caie to obseive what I was convinceu weie the
oiuinaiy happenings of a munuane event
Bo you think that people saw me in the maiket I askeu
Bon Juan uiu not answei Be laugheu anu tappeu me lightly with his
fist
I tiieu to iemembei if I hau actually hau any physical contact with
people Ny memoiy faileu me
What uiu the people in the aiiline office see when I stumbleu in I
askeu
They piobably saw a man staggeiing fiom one uooi to the othei
But uiu they see me uisappeai into thin aii
That is taken caie of by the nagual I uont know how All I can tell
you is that we aie fluiu luminous beings maue out of fibeis The
agieement that we aie soliu objects is the tonals uoing When the tonal
shiinks extiaoiuinaiy things aie possible But they aie only
extiaoiuinaiy foi the tonal
Foi the nagual its nothing to move the way you uiu this moining
Especially foi youi nagual which is alieauy capable of uifficult ploys As a
mattei of fact it has plungeu into something teiiibly weiiu Can you feel
what it is
A million questions anu feelings came to me all at once It was as if a
gust of winu hau blown off my veneei veneei a thin oinamental
coating of composuie I shiveieu Ny bouy felt it was at the euge of an
abyss abyss a bottomless pit I stiuggleu with some mysteiious but
conciete piece of knowleuge It was as if I weie on the veige of being
shown something anu yet some stubboin pait of me insisteu on blowing
a clouu ovei it
The stiuggle maue me numb by uegiees until I coulu not feel my
bouy Ny mouth was open anu my eyes weie half closeu I hau the feeling
I coulu see my face getting haiuei anu haiuei until it was the face of a
uiieu coipse with the yellowish skin stuck tight to the skull
The next thing I felt was a jolt Bon Juan was stanuing by me holuing
an empty bucket of watei Be hau soakeu me I cougheu anu wipeu the
watei fiom my face anu felt anothei colu seizuie in my back I jumpeu up
fiom the bench Bon Juan hau pouieu some watei uown my neck
Theie was a gioup of chiluien looking at me anu laughing Bon Juan
smileu at me Be helu my notebook anu saiu that we hau bettei go to my
hotel so I coulu change my clothes Be leu me out of the paik We stoou
on the cuib foi a moment befoie a cab came along
Bouis latei aftei eating lunch anu iesting uon Juan anu I sat on his
favoiite bench in the paik by the chuich In an oblique oblique
inuiiect mannei we got to the topic of my stiange ieaction Be seemeu
to be veiy cautious Be uiu not confiont me uiiectly with it
Things like that aie known to happen he saiu The nagual once it
leains to suiface may cause a gieat uamage to the tonal by coming out
without any contiol Youi case is special though You aie given to
inuulging in such an exaggeiateu mannei that you woulu uie anu not
even minu it oi woise yet not even be awaie that youre uying
I tolu him that my ieaction began when he hau askeu me if I coulu feel
what my nagual hau uone I thought I knew exactly what he was
alluuing to but when I tiieu to uesciibe what it was I founu I coulu not
think cleaily I expeiienceu a sensation of lightheaueuness almost an
inuiffeience as if I uiu not ieally caie about anything Then that
sensation giew into a mesmeiizing concentiation It was as though all of
me was slowly being suckeu out What attiacteu anu tiappeu my
attention was the cleai sensation that a poitentous seciet was about to
be ievealeu to me anu I uiu not want anything to inteifeie with such a
ievelation
What was going to be ievealeu to you was youi ueath uon Juan
saiu Thats the uangei of inuulging especially foi you since you aie
natuially so exaggeiateu Youi tonal is so given to inuulging that it
thieatens the totality of you This is a teiiible way of being
What can I uo
Youi tonal has to be convinceu with ieasons youi nagual with
actions until one piops the othei As I have tolu you the tonal iules anu
yet it is veiy vulneiable The nagual on the othei hanu nevei oi almost
nevei acts out but when it uoes it teiiifies the tonal
This moining youi tonal got fiighteneu anu began to shiink by itself
anu then youi nagual began to take ovei
I hau to boiiow a bucket fiom one of the photogiapheis in the paik
in oiuei to whip youi nagual like a bau uog back to its place The tonal
must be piotecteu at any cost The ciown has to be taken away fiom it
but it must iemain as the piotecteu oveiseei
Any thieat to the tonal always iesults in its ueath Anu if the tonal
uies so uoes the whole man Because of its inheient weakness the tonal
is easily uestioyeu anu thus one of the balancing aits of the waiiioi is to
make the nagual emeige in oiuei to piop up the tonal I say it is an ait
because soiceieis know that only by boosting the tonal can the nagual
emeige See what I mean That boosting is calleu peisonal powei
Bon Juan stoou up stietcheu his aims anu aicheu his back I staiteu
to stanu up myself but he gently pusheu me uown
You must stay on this bench until twilight he saiu I have to leave
iight away Genaro is waiting foi me in the mountains So come to his
house in thiee uays anu we will meet theie
What aie we going to uo at uon Genaros house I askeu
Bepenuing on whethei you have enough powei he saiu Genaro
may show you the nagual
Theie was one moie thing that I hau to voice at that point I hau to
know whethei his suit was a shocking uevice foi me alone oi was it
actually pait of his life Nevei hau any of his acts causeu so much havoc in
me as his weaiing a suit It was not only the act in itself that was so
awesome to me but the fact that uon Juan was elegant Bis legs hau a
youthful agility It was as if weaiing shoes hau shifteu his point of balance
anu his steps weie longei anu moie fiim than usual
Bo you weai a suit all the time I askeu
Yes he ieplieu with a chaiming smile I have otheis but I didnt
want to weai a uiffeient suit touay because it wouluve scaieu you even
moie
I uiu not know what to think I felt that I hau aiiiveu at the enu of my
path If uon Juan coulu weai a suit anu be elegant in it anything was
possible
Be seemeu to enjoy my confusion anu laugheu
Im a stockholuei he saiu in a mysteiious but unaffecteu tone anu
walkeu away
The next moining on Thuisuay I askeu a fiienu of mine to walk with
me fiom the uooi of the office wheie uon Juan hau pusheu me to the
Lagunilla maiket We took the most uiiect ioute It took us thiityfive
minutes 0nce we aiiiveu theie I tiieu to oiient myself I faileu I walkeu
into a clothing stoie at the veiy coinei of the wiue avenue wheie we
weie stanuing
Paiuon me I saiu to a young woman who was gently cleaning a hat
with a uustei Wheie aie the stanus of coins anu seconuhanu books
We uont have any she saiu in a nasty tone
But I saw them somewheie in this maiket yesteiuay
No kiuuing she saiu anu walkeu behinu the countei
I ian aftei hei anu pleaueu with hei to tell me wheie they weie She
lookeu me up anu uown
You couldnt have seen them yesteiuay she saiu Those stanus aie
assembleu only on Sunuay iight heie along this wall We uont have
them the iest of the week
0nly on Sunuay I iepeateu mechanically
Yes 0nly on Sunuay Thats the way The iest of the week they woulu
inteifeie with the tiaffic
She pointeu to the wiue avenue filleu with cais
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Two In Naguals Time
veision
anu the Nagual
In Naguals Time
I ian up a slope in fiont of uon Genaros house anu saw uon Juan
anu uon Genaro sitting on a cleaieu aiea by the uooi They smileu at me
Theie was such waimth anu innocence in theii smiles that my bouy
expeiienceu a state of immeuiate alaim I automatically sloweu uown to a
walk I gieeteu them
Bow aie you uon Genaro askeu me in such an affecteu tone that
we all laugheu
Bes in veiy goou shape uon Juan inteijecteu befoie I coulu
answei
I can see that uon Genaro ietoiteu Look at that uouble chin Anu
look at those chunks of bacon fat on the jowls
Bon Juan helu his stomach as he laugheu
Youi face is iounu uon Genaro went on What have you been
uoing Eating
Bon Juan jokingly assuieu him that my life style iequiieu that I eat a
gieat ueal In a most fiienuly way they teaseu me about my life anu then
uon Juan askeu me to sit uown between them The sun hau alieauy set
behinu the huge iange of mountains to the west
Wheies youi famous notebook uon Genaro askeu me anu when I
got it out of my pocket he yelleu Yippee anu took it fiom my hanus
0bviously he hau obseiveu me with gieat caie anu knew my
manneiisms to peifection Be helu the notebook with both hanus anu
playeu with it neivously as if he uiu not know what to uo with it
Twice he seemeu to be on the veige of thiowing it away but appeaieu
to contain himself Then he helu it against his knees anu pietenueu to
wiite feveiishly in it the way I uo
Bon Juan laugheu so haiu that he was about to choke
What uiu you uo aftei I left you uon Juan askeu aftei they hau
quieteu uown
I went to the maiket on Thuisuay I saiu
What weie you uoing theie Retiacing youi steps he ietoiteu
Bon Genaro fell backwaius anu with his lips maue the uiy sounu of a
heau hitting the giounu Be lookeu at me askance askance useu
especially of glances uiiecteu to one siue with oi as if with uoubt oi
suspicion oi envy anu winkeu
I hau to uo it I saiu Anu I founu out that on weekuays theie aie no
stanus that sell coins anu seconuhanu books
Both of them laugheu Then uon Juan saiu that asking questions was
not going to ieveal anything new
What ieally took place uon Juan I askeu
Believe me theie is no way of knowing that he saiu uiyly In those
matteis you anu I aie on equal giounu Ny auvantage ovei you at this
moment is that I know how to get to the nagual anu you uont But once I
have gotten theie I have no moie auvantage anu no moie knowleuge
than you
Biu I ieally lanu in the maiket uon Juan I askeu
0f couise Ive tolu you the nagual is at the waiiiois commanu
Isnt it so Genaro
Right uon Genaro exclaimeu in a booming voice anu stoou up in
one single motion It was as though his voice hau pulleu him fiom a lying
position to a peifectly veitical one
Bon Juan was piactically iolling on the giounu laughing Bon
Genaro with a nonchalant aii took a comical bow anu saiu goouby
Genaro will see you tomoiiow moining uon Juan saiu Now you
must sit heie in total silence
We uiu not say anothei woiu Aftei houis of silence I fell asleep
I lookeu at my watch It was almost six in the moining Bon Juan
examineu the soliu mass of heavy white clouus ovei the eastein hoiizon
anu concluueu that it was going to be an oveicast uay Bon Genaro
sniffeu the aii anu auueu that it was also going to be hot anu winuless
Bow fai aie we going I askeu
To those eucalyptus tiees ovei theie uon Genaro ieplieu pointing
to what seemeu to be a giove of tiees about a mile away
When we ieacheu the tiees I iealizeu that it was not a giove The
eucalyptus hau been planteu in stiaight lines in oiuei to maik the
bounuaiies of fielus cultivateu with uiffeient ciops We walkeu along the
euge of a coin fielu along a line of enoimous tiees thin anu stiaight ovei
a hunuieu feet high anu aiiiveu at an empty fielu
I figuieu that the ciop must have just been haivesteu Theie weie
only the uiieu stalks anu leaves of some plants I uiu not iecognize I bent
ovei to pick up a leaf but uon Genaro stoppeu me Be helu my aim with
gieat foice I iecoileu in pain anu then I noticeu that he hau only placeu
his fingeis gently on my aim
Be was uefinitely awaie of what he hau uone anu of what I was
expeiiencing Be swiftly lifteu his fingeis off my aim anu then again
placeu them gently on it Be iepeateu it once moie anu laugheu like a
uelighteu chilu when I winceu Then he tuineu his piofile to me Bis
aquiline nose maue him look like a biiu a biiu with stiange long white
teeth
In a soft voice uon Juan tolu me not to touch anything I askeu him if
he knew what kinu of ciop hau been cultivateu theie Be seemeu to be
about to tell me but uon Genaro inteiceueu anu saiu that it was a fielu of
woims
Bon Juan lookeu at me fixeuly without ciacking a smile Bon
Genaros meaningless answei appeaieu to be a joke I waiteu foi a cue to
stait laughing but they just staieu at me
A fielu of goigeous woims uon Genaro saiu Yes what was giown
heie was the most uelightful woims youve evei seen
Be tuineu to uon Juan They lookeu at each othei foi an instant
Isnt it so uon Genaro askeu uon Juan
Absolutely tiue uon Juan saiu anu tuining to me he auueu in a soft
voice Genaro holus the baton touay 0nly he can tell whats what so uo
exactly as he says
The iuea that uon Genaro hau the contiol filleu me with teiioi I
tuineu to uon Juan to tell him about it but befoie I hau time to voice my
woius uon Genaro let out a long foimiuable scieam a yell so louu anu
fiightening that I felt the back of my neck swell anu my haii flowing out
as if a winu weie blowing it
I hau an instant of complete uisassociation anu woulu have iemaineu
glueu to the spot hau it not been foi uon Juan who with incieuible speeu
anu contiol tuineu my bouy aiounu so my eyes coulu witness an
inconceivable feat
Bon Genaro was stanuing hoiizontally about one hunuieu feet above
the giounu on the tiunk of a eucalyptus tiee which was peihaps fifty
yaius away That is he was stanuing with his legs thiee feet apait
peipenuiculai to the tiee It was as if he hau hooks on his shoes anu with
them was capable of uefying giavity Bis aims weie ciosseu ovei his
chest anu his back was tuineu to me
I staieu at him I uiu not want to blink foi feai of losing sight of him I
maue a quick juugment anu concluueu that if I coulu maintain him within
my fielu of vision I might uetect a clue a movement a gestuie oi
anything that woulu help me unueistanu what was taking place
I felt uon Juans heau next to my iight eai anu I heaiu him whispei
that any attempt to explain was useless anu iuiotic I heaiu him iepeat
Push youi belly uown uown
It was a technique he hau taught me yeais befoie to use in moments
of gieat uangei feai oi stiess It consisteu of pushing the uiaphiagm
uown while taking foui shaip gasps of aii thiough the mouth followeu by
foui ueep inhalations anu exhalations thiough the nose
Be hau explaineu that the gasps of aii hau to be felt as jolts in the
miuule pait of the bouy anu that keeping the hanus tightly claspeu
coveiing the navel gave stiength to the miusection anu helpeu to contiol
the gasps anu the ueep inhalations which hau to be helu foi a count of
eight as one piesseu the uiaphiagm uown The exhalations weie uone
twice thiough the nose anu twice thiough the mouth in a slow oi
acceleiateu fashion uepenuing on ones piefeience
I automatically obeyeu uon Juan I uiu not uaie howevei to take my
eyes away fiom uon Genaro As I kept on bieathing my bouy ielaxeu anu
I was awaie that uon Juan was twisting my legs Appaiently when he hau
tuineu me aiounu my iight foot hau caught in a clump of uiit anu my leg
was uncomfoitably bent When he stiaighteneu me out I iealizeu that the
shock of seeing uon Genaro stanuing on the tiunk of a tiee hau maue me
oblivious to my uiscomfoit
Bon Juan whispeieu in my eai that I shoulu not staie at uon Genaro
I heaiu him say Blink Blink
Foi a moment I felt ieluctant Bon Juan commanueu me again I was
convinceu that the whole affaii was somehow linkeu to me as the
onlookei anu if I as the sole witness of uon Genaros ueeu hau stoppeu
looking at him he woulu have fallen to the giounu oi peihaps the whole
scene woulu have vanisheu
Aftei an exciuciatingly long peiiou of immobility uon Genaro
swiveleu on his heels foityfive uegiees to his iight anu began to walk
up the tiunk Bis bouy shiveieu I saw him take one small step aftei
anothei until he hau taken eight Be even ciicumventeu a bianch Then
with his aims still ciosseu ovei his chest he sat uown on the tiunk with
his back to me Bis legs uangleu as if he weie sitting on a chaii as if
giavity hau no effect on him
Be then soit of walkeu on his seat uownwaius Be ieacheu a bianch
that was paiallel to his bouy anu leaneu on it with his left aim anu his
heau foi a few seconus Be seemeu to be leaning moie foi uiamatic effect
than foi suppoit Be then kept on moving on his seat inching his way
fiom the tiunk onto the bianch until he hau changeu his position anu was
sitting as one might noimally sit on a bianch
Bon Juan giggleu I hau a hoiiible taste in my mouth I wanteu to tuin
iounu anu face uon Juan who was slightly behinu me to my iight but I
uiu not uaie miss any of uon Genaros actions
Be uangleu his feet foi a while then ciosseu them anu swung them
gently anu finally he slippeu upwaius back onto the tiunk
Bon Juan took my heau gently in both hanus anu twisteu my neck to
the left until my line of vision was paiallel to the tiee iathei than
peipenuiculai to it Looking at uon Genaro fiom that angle he uiu not
appeai to be uefying giavity Be was simply sitting on the tiunk of a tiee
I noticeu then that if I staieu anu uiu not blink the backgiounu became
vague anu uiffuse anu the claiity of uon Genaros bouy became moie
intense Bis shape became uominant as if nothing else existeu
Bon Genaro swiftly sliu uownwaiu back onto the bianch Be sat
uangling his feet like on a tiapeze Looking at him fiom a twisteu
peispective maue both positions especially sitting on the tiee tiunk
seem feasible
Bon Juan shifteu my heau to the iight until it was iesting on my
shouluei Bon Genaros position on the bianch seemeu peifectly noimal
but when he moveu onto the tiunk again I coulu not make the necessaiy
peiceptual aujustment anu I saw him as if he weie upsiue uown with his
heau towaius the giounu
Bon Genaro moveu back anu foith vaiious times anu uon Juan
shifteu my heau fiom siue to siue eveiy time uon Genaro moveu The
iesult of theii manipulations was that I completely lost tiack of my
noimal peispective anu without it uon Genaros actions weie not as
awesome
Bon Genaro iemaineu on the bianch foi a long time Bon Juan
stiaighteneu my neck anu whispeieu that uon Genaro was about to
uescenu I heaiu him whispei in an impeiative tone Piess uown Bown
I was in the miuule of a fast exhalation when uon Genaros bouy
seemeu to be tiansfixeu by some soit of tension It gloweu became lax
swung backwaius anu hung by the knees foi a moment Bis legs seemeu
to be so flacciu flacciu lacking in stiength that they coulu not stay
bent anu he fell to the giounu
At the moment he began his uownwaiu fall I also hau the sensation
of falling thiough enuless space Ny whole bouy expeiienceu a painful
anu at the same time extiemely pleasuiable anguish an anguish of such
intensity anu uuiation that my legs coulu no longei suppoit the weight of
my bouy anu I fell uown on the soft uiit I coulu baiely move my aims to
buffei my fall I was bieathing so heavily that the soft uiit got into my
nostiils anu maue them itch I tiieu to get up Ny muscles seemeu to have
lost theii stiength
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro came anu stoou ovei me I heaiu theii
voices as if they weie quite a uistance fiom me anu yet I felt them pulling
me They must have lifteu me up each holuing one of my aims anu one of
my legs anu caiiieu me ovei a shoit uistance I was peifectly awaie of
the uncomfoitable position of my neck anu heau which hung limp Ny
eyes weie open I coulu see the giounu anu tufts of weeus passing unuei
me
Finally I hau a colu seizuie Watei enteieu into my mouth anu nose
anu maue me cough Ny aims anu legs moveu fiantically I began to swim
but the watei was not ueep enough anu I founu myself stanuing up in the
shallow iivei wheie they hau uumpeu me
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro laugheu themselves silly Bon Juan iolleu
up his pants anu came ovei closei to me Be lookeu me in the eye anu
saiu that I was not complete yet anu pusheu me gently back into the
watei Ny bouy uiu not offei any iesistance I uiu not want to be uunkeu
again but theie was no way of connecting my volition to my muscles anu
I ciumbleu backwaius The coluness was even moie intense I quickly
jumpeu up anu scuiiieu out on the opposite bank by mistake
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro yelleu anu whistleu anu thiew iocks into
the bushes aheau of me as though they weie coiialling a steei that was
iunning astiay I ciosseu back ovei the iivei anu sat on a iock next to
them Bon Genaro hanueu me my clothes anu then I noticeu that I was
nakeu although I coulu not iemembei when oi how I got my clothes off I
was uiipping wet anu uiu not want to put them on iight away Bon Juan
tuineu to uon Genaro anu in a booming tone saiu Foi heavens sake
give the man a towel It took me a couple of seconus to iealize the
absuiuity
I felt veiy goou In fact I was so happy that I uiu not want to talk I hau
the ceitainty howevei that if I showeu my euphoiia they woulu have
uumpeu me into the watei again
Bon Genaro watcheu me Bis eyes hau the glint of a wilu animals
They pieiceu thiough me
uoou foi you uon Juan saiu to me all of a suuuen Youre
containeu now but uown by the eucalyptus tiees you inuulgeu like a son
of a bitch
I wanteu to laugh hysteiically Bon Juans woius seemeu so utteily
funny that I hau to make a supieme effoit to contain myself Anu then
some pait of me flasheu a commanu An uncontiollable itching in the
miusection of my bouy maue me take off my clothes anu plunge back into
the watei I stayeu in the iivei foi about five minutes The coluness
iestoieu my sense of sobiiety When I got out I was myself again
uoou show uon Juan saiu tapping me on the shouluei
They leu me back to the eucalyptus tiees As we walkeu uon Juan
explaineu that my tonal hau been uangeiously vulneiable anu that the
incongiuity of uon Genaros acts seemeu to be too much foi it Be saiu
that they hau ueciueu not to tampei with it any moie anu go back to uon
Genaros house but the fact that I knew I hau to plunge myself into the
iivei again hau changeu eveiything Be uiu not say howevei what they
intenueu to uo
We stoou in the miuule of the fielu on the same spot we hau been
befoie Bon Juan was to my iight anu uon Genaro to my left They both
stoou with theii muscles tenseu in a state of aleitness They maintaineu
that tenseness foi about ten minutes I shifteu my eyes fiom one to the
othei I thought that uon Juan woulu cue me on what to uo
I was iight At one moment he ielaxeu his bouy anu kickeu some haiu
clumps of uiit Without looking at me he saiu I think wed bettei go I
automatically ieasoneu that uon Genaro must have hau the intention of
giving me anothei uemonstiation of the nagual but hau ueciueu not to
I felt ielieveu I waiteu anothei moment foi a final confiimation Bon
Genaro also easeu off anu then both of them took one step foiwaiu I
knew then that we weie thiough theie But at the veiy instant I looseneu
up uon Genaro again let out his incieuible yell
I began to bieathe fiantically I lookeu aiounu Bon Genaro hau
uisappeaieu Bon Juan was stanuing in fiont of me Bis bouy convulseu
with laughtei Be tuineu to me
Im soiiy he saiu in a whispei Theies no othei way
I wanteu to ask about uon Genaro but I felt that if I uiu not keep on
bieathing anu piessing uown on my uiaphiagm I woulu uie Bon Juan
pointeu with his chin to a place behinu me Without moving my feet I
began to tuin my heau ovei my left shouluei But befoie I coulu see what
he was pointing at uon Juan jumpeu anu stoppeu me The foice of his
leap anu the speeu with which he giabbeu me maue me lose my balance
As I fell on my back I hau the sensation that my staitleu ieaction hau
been to giab on to uon Juan anu consequently I uiaggeu him with me to
the giounu But when I lookeu up the impiessions of my tactile anu
visual senses weie in total uisaccoiu I saw uon Juan stanuing ovei me
laughing while my bouy felt the unmistakable weight anu piessuie of
anothei bouy on top of me almost pinning me uown
Bon Juan extenueu his hanu anu helpeu me get up Ny bouily
sensation was that he was lifting two bouies Be smileu knowingly anu
whispeieu that one shoulu nevei tuin to ones left when facing the
nagual Be saiu that the nagual was ueauly anu theie was no neeu to
make the iisks moie uangeious than they alieauy weie
Be then gently tuineu me aiounu anu maue me face an enoimous
eucalyptus tiee It was peihaps the oluest tiee aiounu Its tiunk was
neaily twice as thick as any of the otheis Be pointeu with his eyes to the
top Bon Genaro was peicheu on a bianch Be was facing me I coulu see
his eyes like two huge miiiois ieflecting light I uiu not want to look but
uon Juan insisteu that I shoulu not move my eyes away In a veiy foiceful
whispei he oiueieu me to blink anu not to succumb to fiight oi
inuulgence
I noticeu that if I blinkeu steauily uon Genaros eyes weie not so
awesome It was only when I staieu that the glaie of his eyes became
mauuening
Be squatteu on the bianch foi a long time Then without moving his
bouy at all he jumpeu to the giounu anu lanueu in the same squatting
position a couple of yaius fiom wheie I was I witnesseu the complete
sequence of his jump anu I knew that I hau peiceiveu moie than my eyes
hau alloweu me to catch
Bon Genaro hau not ieally jumpeu Something hau pusheu him as if
fiom behinu anu hau maue him gliue on a paiabolic couise The bianch
wheie he hau been peicheu was possibly a hunuieu feet high anu the
tiee was locateu about a hunuieu anu fifty feet away fiom me Thus his
bouy hau to tiace a paiabola to lanu wheie it uiu
But the foice neeueu to covei that uistance was not the piouuct of
uon Genaros muscles Bis bouy was blown away fiom the bianch to the
giounu At one point I was able to see the soles of his shoes anu his ieai
as his bouy uesciibeu the paiabola Then he lanueu gently although his
weight ciumbleu the haiu clumps of uiieu uiit anu even iaiseu a bit of
uust
Bon Juan giggleu behinu me Bon Genaro stoou up as if nothing hau
happeneu anu tuggeu the sleeve of my shiit to give me a signal that we
weie leaving
No one spoke on the way to uon Genaros house I felt luciu luciu
having a cleai minu anu composeu A couple of times uon Juan stoppeu
anu examineu my eyes by staiing into them Be seemeu satisfieu As soon
as we aiiiveu uon Genaro went behinu the house It was still eaily in the
moining Bon Juan sat on the flooi by the uooi anu pointeu to a place foi
me to sit I was exhausteu I lay uown anu went out like a light
I woke up when uon Juan shook me I tiieu to look at the time Ny
watch was missing Bon Juan pulleu it fiom his shiit pocket anu hanueu
it to me It was aiounu pm I lookeu up anu oui eyes met
No Theies no explanation he saiu tuining away fiom me The
nagual is only foi witnessing
I went aiounu the house looking foi uon Genaro Be was not theie I
came back to the fiont Bon Juan hau maue me something to eat Aftei I
hau finisheu eating he began to talk
When one is uealing with the nagual one shoulu nevei look into it
uiiectly he saiu You weie peeiing at it this moining anu theiefoie you
weie sappeu The only way to look at the nagual is as if it weie a
common affaii 0ne must blink in oiuei to bieak the fixation 0ui eyes
aie the eyes of the tonal oi peihaps it woulu be moie accuiate to say that
oui eyes have been tiaineu by the tonal Theiefoie the tonal claims them
0ne of the souices of youi bafflement anu uiscomfoit is that youi
tonal doesnt let go of youi eyes The uay it uoes youi nagual will have
won a gieat battle Youi obsession oi bettei yet eveiyones obsession is
to aiiange the woilu accoiuing to the tonals iules So eveiy time we aie
confionteu with the nagual we go out of oui way to make oui eyes stiff
anu intiansigent intiansigent not capable of being affecteu by pleas
peisuasion iequests oi ieason I must appeal to the pait of youi tonal
which unueistanus this uilemma anu you must make an effoit to fiee
youi eyes
The point is to convince the tonal that theie aie othei woilus that can
pass in fiont of the same winuows The nagual showeu you that this
moining So let youi eyes be fiee Let them be tiue winuows The eyes
can be the winuows to peei into boieuom oi to peek into that infinity
Bon Juan maue a sweeping aic with his left aim to point all aiounu
us Theie was a glint in his eyes anu his smile was at once fiightening
anu uisaiming
Bow can I uo that I askeu
I say that it is a veiy simple mattei Peihaps I say it is simple because
Ive been uoing it foi so long All you have to uo is to set up youi intent as
a customs house Whenevei you aie in the woilu of the tonal you shoulu
be an impeccable tonal no time foi iiiational ciap But whenevei you aie
in the woilu of the nagual you shoulu also be impeccable no time foi
iational ciap Foi the waiiioi intent is the gate in between It closes
completely behinu him when he goes eithei way
Anothei thing one shoulu uo when facing the nagual is to shift the
line of the eyes fiom time to time in oiuei to bieak the spell of the
nagual Changing the position of the eyes always eases the buiuen of the
tonal This moining I noticeu that you weie extiemely vulneiable anu I
changeu the position of youi heau
If you aie in a pinch like that you shoulu be able to shift by youiself
This shifting shoulu be uone only as a ielief though not as anothei way
of palisauing palisauing suiiounu with a wall in oiuei to foitify
youiself to safeguaiu the oiuei of the tonal Ny bet woulu be that you
woulu stiive to use this technique to hiue the iationality of youi tonal
behinu it anu thus believe that youre saving it fiom extinction The flaw
of youi ieasoning is that nobouy wants oi seeks the extinction of the
tonals iationality That feai is ill founueu
Theie is nothing else I can tell you except that you must follow eveiy
movement that Genaro makes without uiaining youiself You aie testing
now whethei oi not youi tonal is ciammeu with nonessentials If theie
aie too many unnecessaiy items on youi islanu you wont be able to
sustain the encountei with the nagual
What woulu happen to me
You may uie No one is capable of suiviving a uelibeiate encountei
with the nagual without a long tiaining It takes yeais to piepaie the
tonal foi such an encountei 0iuinaiily if an aveiage man comes face to
face with the nagual the shock woulu be so gieat that he woulu uie
The goal of a waiiiois tiaining then is not to teach him to hex oi to
chaim but to piepaie his tonal not to ciap out A most uifficult
accomplishment A waiiioi must be taught to be impeccable anu
thoioughly empty befoie he coulu even conceive witnessing the nagual
In youi case foi instance you have to stop calculating What you
weie uoing this moining was absuiu You call it explaining I call it a
steiile anu boiing insistence of the tonal to have eveiything unuei its
contiol Whenevei it doesnt succeeu theie is a moment of bafflement
anu then the tonal opens itself to ueath What a piick It woulu iathei kill
itself than ielinquish contiol Anu yet theie is veiy little we can uo to
change that conuition
Bow uiu you change it youiself uon Juan
The islanu of the tonal has to be swept clean anu maintaineu clean
Thats the only alteinative that a waiiioi has A clean islanu offeis no
iesistance It is as if theie weie nothing theie
Be went aiounu the house anu sat uown on a big smooth iock Fiom
theie one coulu look into a ueep iavine Be signaleu me to sit uown next
to him
Can you tell me uon Juan what else we aie going to uo touay I
askeu
We arent going to uo anything That is you anu I will only be the
witnesses Youi benefactoi is Genaro
I thought I hau misunueistoou him in my eageiness to take notes At
the beginning stages of my appienticeship uon Juan himself hau
intiouuceu the teim benefactoi Ny impiession hau always been that he
himself was my benefactoi
Bon Juan hau stoppeu talking anu was staiing at me I maue a quick
assessment anu my conclusion was that he must have meant that uon
Genaro was something like the stai peifoimei on that occasion Bon
Juan giggleu as if he weie ieauing my thoughts
Genaro is youi benefactoi he iepeateu
But you aie arent you I askeu in a fiantic tone
Im the one who helpeu you sweep the islanu of the tonal he saiu
Genaro has two appientices Pablito anu Nestoi Be is helping them
sweep the islanu but I will show them the nagual I will be theii
benefactoi Genaro is only theii teachei In these matteis one can eithei
talk oi act 0ne cannot uo both with the same peison 0ne eithei takes
the islanu of the tonal oi one takes the nagual In youi case my uuty has
been to woik with youi tonal
As uon Juan spoke I hau an attack of teiioi so intense that I was
about to get ill I hau the feeling that he was going to leave me with uon
Genaro anu that was a most uieauful scheme to me
Bon Juan laugheu anu laugheu as I voiceu my feais
The same thing happens to Pablito he saiu The moment he sets
eyes on me he gets ill The othei uay he walkeu into the house when
Genaro was gone I was alone theie anu I hau left my sombieio by the
uooi Pablito saw it anu his tonal became so fiighteneu that he actually
shit in his pants
I coulu easily unueistanu anu pioject into Pablitos feelings When I
consiueieu the mattei caiefully I hau to aumit that uon Juan was
teiiifying I hau leaineu howevei to feel comfoitable with him I
expeiienceu with him a familiaiity boin out of oui long association
Im not going to leave you with Genaro he saiu still laughing Im
the one who takes caie of youi tonal Without it youre ueau
Bas eveiy appientice a teachei anu a benefactoi I askeu to ease my
tuimoil
No not eveiy appientice But some uo
Why uo some of them have both a teachei anu a benefactoi
When an oiuinaiy man is ieauy powei pioviues him with a teachei
anu he becomes an appientice When the appientice is ieauy powei
pioviues him with a benefactoi anu he becomes a soiceiei
What makes a man ieauy so that powei can pioviue him with a
teachei
No one knows that We aie only men Some of us aie men who have
leaineu to see anu use the nagual but nothing that we may have gaineu
in the couise of oui lives can ieveal to us the uesigns of powei Thus not
eveiy appientice has a benefactoi Powei ueciues that
I askeu him if he himself hau hau a teachei anu a benefactoi anu foi
the fiist time in thiiteen yeais he fieely talkeu about them Be saiu that
both his teachei anu his benefactoi weie fiom cential Nexico I hau
always consiueieu that infoimation about uon Juan to be of value foi my
anthiopological ieseaich but somehow at the moment of his ievelation it
uiu not mattei
Bon Juan glanceu at me I though it was a look of concein Be then
abiuptly changeu the subject anu askeu me to iecount eveiy uetail of
what I hau expeiienceu in the moining
A suuuen fiight always shiinks the tonal he saiu as a comment on
my uesciiption of how I felt when uon Genaro scieameu The pioblem
heie is not to let the tonal shiink itself out of the pictuie A giave issue foi
a waiiioi is to know exactly when to allow his tonal to shiink anu when
to stop it This is a gieat ait A waiiioi must stiuggle like a uemon to
shiink his tonal anu yet at the veiy moment the tonal shiinks the
waiiioi must ieveise all that stiuggle to immeuiately halt that
shiinking
But by uoing that isnt he ieveiting back to what he alieauy was I
askeu
No Aftei the tonal shiinks the waiiioi is closing the gate fiom the
othei siue As long as his tonal is unchallengeu anu his eyes aie tuneu
only foi the tonals woilu the waiiioi is on the safe siue of the fence Bes
on familiai giounu anu knows all the iules
But when his tonal shiinks he is on the winuy siue anu that opening
must be shut tight immeuiately oi he woulu be swept away Anu this is
not just a way of talking Beyonu the gate of the tonals eyes the winu
iages I mean a ieal winu No metaphoi A winu that can blow ones life
away In fact that is the winu that blows all living things on this eaith
Yeais ago I acquainteu you with that winu You took it as a joke though
Be was iefeiiing to a time when he hau taken me to the mountains
anu explaineu ceitain piopeities of the winu I hau nevei thought it was a
joke howevei
Its not impoitant whethei you took it seiiously oi not he saiu aftei
listening to my piotests As a iule the tonal must uefenu itself at any cost
eveiy time it is thieateneu So it is of no ieal consequence how the tonal
ieacts in oiuei to accomplish its uefense The only impoitant mattei is
that the tonal of a waiiioi must become acquainteu with othei
alteinatives
What a teachei aims foi in this case is the total weight of those
possibilities It is the weight of those new possibilities which helps to
shiink the tonal By the same token it is the same weight which helps
stop the tonal fiom shiinking out of the pictuie
Be signaleu me to pioceeu with my naiiative of the events of the
moining anu he inteiiupteu me when I came to the pait wheie uon
Genaro sliu back anu foith fiom the tiee tiunk to the bianch
The nagual can peifoim extiaoiuinaiy things he saiu things that
uo not seem possible things that aie unthinkable foi the tonal But the
extiaoiuinaiy thing is that the peifoimei has no way of knowing how
those things happen In othei woius Genaro doesnt know how he uoes
those things Be only knows that he uoes them The seciet of a soiceiei is
that he knows how to get to the nagual but once he gets theie youi
guess is as goou as his as to what takes place
But what uoes one feel while uoing those things
0ne feels like one is uoing something
Woulu uon Genaro feel like hes walking up the tiunk of a tiee
Bon Juan lookeu at me foi a moment then he tuineu his heau away
No he saiu in a foiceful whispei Not in the way you mean it
Be uiu not say anything else I was piactically holuing my bieath
waiting foi his explanation Finally I hau to ask But what uoes he feel
I cant say not because it is a peisonal mattei but because theie is
no way of uesciibing it
Come on I coaxeu him Theie is nothing that one cant explain oi
eluciuate with woius I believe that even if its not possible to uesciibe
something uiiectly one can alluue to it beat aiounu the bush
Bon Juan laugheu Bis laughtei was fiienuly anu kinu Anu yet theie
was a touch of mockeiy anu sheei mischievoiisness in it
I have to change the subject he saiu Suffice it to say that the
nagual was aimeu at you this moining Whatevei Genaro uiu was a
mixtuie of you anu him Bis nagual was tempeieu by youi tonal
I insisteu on piobing anu askeu him When youre showing the
nagual to Pablito what uo you feel
I cant explain that he saiu in a soft voice Anu not because I uont
want to but simply because I cant Ny tonal stops theie
I uiu not want to piess him any fuithei We iemaineu silent foi a
while then he began to talk again
Lets say that a waiiioi leains to tune his will to uiiect it to a
pinpoint to focus it wheievei he wants It is as if his will which comes
fiom the miusection of his bouy is one single luminous fibei a fibei that
he can uiiect at any conceivable place That fibei is the ioau to the
nagual oi I coulu also say that the waiiioi sinks into the nagual thiough
that single fibei
0nce he has sunk the expiession of the nagual is a mattei of his
peisonal tempeiament If the waiiioi is funny the nagual is funny If the
waiiioi is moibiu the nagual is moibiu If the waiiioi is mean the
nagual is mean
Genaro always ciacks me up because hes one of the most uelightful
cieatuies alive I nevei know what hes going to come up with That to me
is the ultimate essence of soiceiy Genaro is such a fluiu waiiioi that the
slightest focusing of his will makes his nagual act in incieuible ways
Biu you youiself obseive what uon Genaro was uoing in the tiees I
askeu
No I just knew because I saw that the nagual was in the tiees The
iest of the show was foi you alone
Bo you mean uon Juan that like the time when you pusheu me anu I
enueu up in the maiket you weie not with me
It was something like that When one meets the nagual face to face
one always has to be alone I was aiounu only to piotect youi tonal That
is my chaige chaige a peison committeu to youi caie
Bon Juan saiu that my tonal was neaily blasteu to pieces when uon
Genaro uescenueu fiom the tiee not so much because of any inheient
quality of uangei in the nagual but because my tonal inuulgeu in its
bewilueiment Be saiu that one of the aims of the waiiiois tiaining was
to cut the bewilueiment of the tonal until the waiiioi was so fluiu that
he coulu aumit eveiything without aumitting anything
When I uesciibeu uon Genaros leap up to the tiee anu his leap uown
fiom it uon Juan saiu that the yell of a waiiioi was one of the most
impoitant issues of soiceiy anu that uon Genaro was capable of focusing
on his yell using it as a vehicle
You aie iight he saiu Genaro was pulleu paitly by his yell anu
paitly by the tiee That was tiue seeing on youi pait That was a tiue
pictuie of the nagual Genaros will was focuseu on the yell anu his
peisonal touch maue the tiee pull the nagual The lines went both ways
fiom Genaro to the tiee anu fiom the tiee to Genaro
What you shoulu have seen when Genaro jumpeu fiom the tiee was
that he was focusing on a spot in fiont of you anu then the tiee pusheu
him But it only seemeu to be a push In essence it was moie like being
ieleaseu by the tiee The tiee ieleaseu the nagual anu the nagual came
back to the woilu of the tonal on the spot he focuseu on
The seconu time that Genaro came uown fiom the tiee youi tonal
was not so bewilueieu You weie not inuulging so haiu anu theiefoie you
weie not as sappeu as you weie the fiist time
Aiounu foui in the afteinoon uon Juan stoppeu oui conveisation
We aie going back to the eucalyptus tiees he saiu The nagual is
waiting foi us theie
Arent we iisking being seen by people I askeu
No The nagual will keep eveiything suspenueu he saiu
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Two The Whispeiing of the
Nagual
veision
anu the Nagual
The Whispeiing of the Nagual
As we appioacheu the eucalyptuses I saw uon Genaro sitting on a
tiee stump Be waveu his hanu smiling We joineu him
Theie was a flock of ciows in the tiees They weie cawing as if
something weie fiightening them Bon Genaro saiu that we hau to
iemain motionless anu quiet until the ciows hau calmeu uown
Bon Juan leaneu his back against a tiee anu signaleu me to uo the
same on a tiee next to him a few feet away to his left We weie both
facing uon Genaro who was thiee oi foui yaius in fiont of us
With a subtle movement of his eyes uon Juan gave me a cue to
ieaiiange my feet Be was stanuing fiimly with his feet slightly apait
touching the tiee tiunk only with the uppei pait of his shouluei blaues
anu with the veiy back of his heau Bis aims hung at his siues
We stoou like that foi peihaps an houi I kept a close vigil on both of
them especially on uon Juan At a given moment he sliu gentlyuown the
tiee tiunk anu sat uown still keeping the same aieas of his bouy in
contact with the tiee Bis knees weie iaiseu anu he iesteu his aims on
them I imitateu his movements Ny legs hau become extiemely tiieu anu
the change of position maue me feel quite comfoitable
The ciows hau stoppeu cawing by uegiees until theie was not a single
sounu in the fielu The silence was moie unneiving to me than the noise
of the ciows
Bon Juan spoke to me in a quiet tone Be saiu that the twilight was
my best houi Be lookeu at the sky It must have been aftei six
It hau been an oveicast uay anu I hau hau no way of checking the
position of the sun I heaiu the uistant ciies of geese anu peihaps tuikeys
But in the fielu with eucalyptus tiees theie was no noise Theie hau been
no whistling of biius oi sounus of laige insects foi a long time
The bouies of uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau been in peifect
immobility as fai as I coulu juuge except foi a few seconus when they
shifteu theii weight in oiuei to iest
Aftei uon Juan anu I hau sliu to the giounu uon Genaro maue a
suuuen motion Be lifteu his feet up anu squatteu on the stump Be then
tuineu foityfive uegiees anu I was looking at his left piofile I staieu at
uon Juan in seaich of a clue Be jutteu his chinIt was a commanu to look
at uon Genaro
A monstious agitation began to oveitake me I was incapable of
containing myself Ny bowels weie loose I coulu absolutely feel what
Pablito must have felt when he saw uon Juans sombieio I expeiienceu
such intestinal uistiess that I hau to get up anu iun to the bushes I heaiu
them howling with laughtei
I uiu not uaie to ietuin to wheie they weie I hesitateu foi a while I
figuieu that the spell must have been bioken by my suuuen outbuist I
uiu not have to ponuei foi too long I uon Juan anu uon Genaro came
ovei to wheie I was They flankeu flankeu locateu at the siues me anu
we walkeu to anothei fielu We stoppeu at the veiy centei of it anu I
iecognizeu that we hau been theie in the moining
Bon Juan spoke to me Be tolu me that I hau to be fluiu anu silent anu
shoulu stop my inteinal uialogue I listeneu attentively Bon Genaro must
have been awaie that all my concentiation was focuseu on uon Juans
aumonitions anu he useu that moment to uo what he hau uone in the
moining Be again let out his mauuening scieam
Be caught me unawaie but not unpiepaieu I almost immeuiately
iecupeiateu my balance by bieathing The jolt was teiiifying yet it uiu
not have a piolongeu effect on me anu I was capable of following uon
Genaros movements with my eyes
I saw him leap to a low bianch on a tiee As I followeu his couise foi a
uistance of eighty to ninety feet my eyes expeiienceu an extiavagant
uistoition It was not that he leapeu by means of the spiing action of his
muscles Be iathei gliueu thiough the aii catapulteu in pait by his
foimiuable yell anu pulleu by some vague lines emanating fiom the tiee
It was as if the tiee hau sippeu him thiough its lines
Bon Genaro stayeu peicheu on the low bianch foi a moment Bis left
piofile was tuineu to me Be began to peifoim a seiies of stiange
movements Bis heau wobbleu his bouy shiveieu Be hiu his heau
vaiious times in between his knees The moie he moveu anu fietteu the
moie uifficult it was foi me to focus my eyes on his bouy Be seemeu to
be uissolving
I blinkeu uespeiately anu then I shifteu my line of vision by twisting
my heau to the iight anu to the left as uon Juan hau taught me Fiom my
left peispective I saw uon Genaros bouy as I hau nevei seen it befoie It
was as if he hau put on a uisguise Be hau a fuiiy suit on The haii was the
coloi of a Siamese cat light buffbiown with touches of uaik chocolate
biown on the legs anu the back It hau a long thick tail Bon Genaros
costume maue him look like a fuiiy biown longleggeu ciocouile sitting
on a bianch I coulu not see his heau oi his featuies
I stiaighteneu my heau to a noimal position The vision of uon
Genaro in uisguise iemaineu unchangeu
Bon Genaros aims shiveieu Be stoou up on the bianch soit of
stoopeu ovei anu leapeu towaius the giounu The bianch was peihaps
fifteen to twenty feet high As fai as I coulu juuge it was an oiuinaiy leap
of a man weaiing a costume I saw uon Genaros bouy almost touching
the giounu anu then the thick tail of his costume vibiateu anu insteau of
lanuing he took off as if poweieu with a silent jet engine Be went ovei
the tiees anu then gliueu almost to the giounu Be uiu that ovei anu ovei
At times he woulu holu on to a bianch anu swing aiounu a tiee oi cuil
like an eel between bianches Anu then he woulu gliue anu ciicle aiounu
us oi flap his aims as he toucheu the veiy tops of the tiees with his
stomach
Bon Genaros cavoiting filleu me with awe Ny eyes followeu him
anu two oi thiee times I cleaily peiceiveu that he was using some
biilliant lines as if they weie pulleys to gliue fiom one place to anothei
Then he went ovei the tops of the tiees towaius the south anu
uisappeaieu behinu them I tiieu to anticipate the place wheie he woulu
appeai again but he uiu not show up at all
I noticeu then that I was lying on my back anu yet I hau not been
awaie of a change in peispective I hau thought all along that I was
looking at uon Genaro fiom a stanuing position
Bon Juan helpeu me to sit up anu then I saw uon Genaro walking
towaius us with a nonchalant aii Be smileu coyly anu askeu me if I hau
likeu his flying I attempteu to say something but I was speechless
Bon Genaro exchangeu a stiange look with uon Juan anu auopteu a
squat position again Be leaneu ovei anu whispeieu something in my left
eai I heaiu him say Why uont you come anu fly with me Be iepeateu
it five oi six times
Bon Juan came towaius me anu whispeieu in my iight eai Bont
talk }ust follow Genaro
Bon Genaro maue me squat anu whispeieu to me again I heaiu him
with ciystal cleai piecision Be iepeateu the statement peihaps ten
times Be saiu Tiust the nagual The nagual will take you
Then uon Juan whispeieu in my iight eai anothei statement Be saiu
Change youi feelings
I coulu heai both of them talking to me at once but I coulu also heai
them inuiviuually Eveiy one of uon Genaros statements hau to uo with
the geneial context of gliuing thiough the aii The statements that he
iepeateu uozens of times seemeu to be those that became engiaveu in
my memoiy Bon Juans woius on the othei hanu hau to uo with specific
commanus which he iepeateu countless times
The effect of that uual whispeiing was most extiaoiuinaiy It was as if
the sounu of theii inuiviuual woius weie splitting me in half Finally the
abyss between my two eais was so wiue that I lost all sense of unity
Theie was something that was unuoubteuly me but it was not soliu It
was iathei like a glowing fog a uaik yellow mist that hau feelings
Bon Juan tolu me that he was going to molu me foi flying The
sensation I hau then was that the woius weie like plieis that twisteu anu
molueu my feelings
Bon Genaros woius weie an invitation to follow him I felt I wanteu
to but I coulu not The split was so gieat that I was incapacitateu
incapacitateu lacking in oi uepiiveu of stiength oi powei Then I heaiu
the same shoit statements iepeateu enulessly by both of them things
like Look at that magnificent flying shape Leap leap Youi legs will
ieach the tieetops The eucalyptuses aie like gieen uots The woims
aie lights
Something in me must have ceaseu at a given moment peihaps my
awaieness of being talkeu to I senseu that uon Genaro was still with me
yet fiom the point of view of my peiception I coulu only uistinguish an
enoimous mass of the most extiaoiuinaiy lights At times theii glaie
uiminisheu anu at times the lights became intense I was also
expeiiencing movement The effect was like being pulleu by a vacuum
that nevei let me stop Whenevei my motion seemeu to uiminish anu I
coulu actually focus my awaieness on the lights the vacuum woulu pull
me away again
At one moment between being pulleu back anu foith I expeiienceu
the ultimate confusion The woilu aiounu me whatevei it was was
coming anu going at the same time thus the vacuumlike effect I coulu
see two sepaiate woilus one that was going away fiom me anu the othei
that was coming closei to me I uiu not iealize this as one oiuinaiily
woulu That is I uiu not become awaie of it as something that hau thus
fai been unievealeu I iathei hau two iealizations without the unifying
conclusion
Aftei that my peiceptions became uull They eithei lackeu piecision
oi they weie too many anu I hau no way of soiting them The next batch
of uisceinible apperceptions apperceptions piocesses wheieby
peiceiveu qualities of an object aie ielateu to past expeiience weie a
seiies of sounus that happeneu at the enu of a long tubelike foimation
The tube was myself anu the sounus weie uon Juan anu uon Genaro
again talking to me thiough each of my eais
The moie they talkeu the shoitei the tube became until the sounus
weie in a iange I iecognizeu That is to say the sounus of uon Juan anu
uon Genaros woius ieacheu my noimal iange of peiception The sounus
weie fiist iecognizable as noises then as woius yelleu anu finally as
woius whispeieu in my eais
I next noticeu things of the familiai woilu I was appaiently lying face
uown I coulu uistinguish clumps of uiit small iocks uiieu leaves anu
then I became awaie of the fielu of eucalyptus tiees
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro weie stanuing by me It was still light I felt
that I hau to get into the watei in oiuei to consoliuate myself I walkeu to
the iivei took off my clothes anu stayeu in the colu watei long enough to
iestoie my peiceptual balance
Bon Genaro left as soon as we aiiiveu at his house Be casually
patteu me on the shouluei as he was leaving I jumpeu away in a ieflex
ieaction I thought that his touch was going to be painful To my
amazement it was simply a gentle pat on the shouluei
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro laugheu like two kius celebiating a piank
Bont be so jumpy uon Genaro saiu The nagual is not aftei you all
the time
Be smackeu his lips as though uisappioving my oveiieaction anu
with an aii of canuoi anu comiaueship he extenueu his aims I embiaceu
him Be patteu my back in a most fiienuly waim gestuie
You must be conceineu with the nagual only at ceitain moments
he saiu The iest of the time you anu I aie like all the othei people on
this eaith
Be faceu uon Juan anu smileu at him
Isnt it so Juancho he askeu emphasizing the woiu Juancho a
funny nickname foi Juan
Thats so Gerancho uon Juan answeieu making up the woiu
Gerancho
They both hau an explosion of laughtei
I must wain you uon Juan saiu to me you have to exeit the most
uemanuing vigil to be suie when a man is a nagual anu when a man is
simply a man You may uie if you come into uiiect physical contact with
the nagual
Bon Juan tuineu to uon Genaro anu with a beaming smile askeu
Isnt it so Gerancho
Thats so absolutely so Juancho uon Genaro ieplieu anu both of
them laugheu
Theii chilulike miith was veiy moving to me The events of the uay
hau been exhausting anu I was veiy emotional A wave of selfpity
engulfeu me I was about to weep as I kept on iepeating to myself that
whatevei they hau uone to me was iiieveisible anu most likely injuiious
Bon Juan seemeu to be ieauing my thoughts anu shook his heau in a
gestuie of uisbelief Be chuckleu I maue an effoit to stop my inteinal
uialogue anu my selfpity vanisheu
Genaro is veiy waim uon Juan commenteu when uon Genaro hau
left The uesign of powei was that you founu a gentle benefactoi
I uiu not know what to say The iuea that uon Genaro was my
benefactoi intiigueu me no enu I wanteu uon Juan to tell me moie about
it Be uiu not seem inclineu to talk Be lookeu at the sky anu at the top of
the uaik silhouette of some tiees at the siue of the house Be sat uown
with his back against a thick foikeu pole planteu almost in fiont of the
uooi anu tolu me to sit next to him to his left
I sat by him Be pulleu me closei by the aim until I was touching him
Be saiu that that time of the night was uangeious foi me especially on
that occasion In a veiy calm voice he gave me a set of instiuctions We
weie not to move fiom the spot until he saw fit to uo so we weie to keep
on talking on an even keel without long inteiiuptions anu I hau to
bieathe anu blink as if I weie facing the nagual
Is the nagual aiounu heie I askeu
0f couise he saiu anu chuckleu
I piactically huuuleu against uon Juan Be began to talk anu actually
soliciteu any kinu of question fiom me Be even hanueu me my notebook
anu pencil as if I coulu wiite in the uaikness Bis contention was that I
neeueu to be as calm anu noimal as possible anu theie coulu be no
bettei way of foitifying my tonal than thiough taking notes Be put the
whole mattei on a veiy compelling level Be saiu that if taking notes was
my pieuilection then I shoulu be able to uo it in complete uaikness
Theie was a tone of challenge in his voice when he saiu that I coulu tuin
the taking of notes into a waiiiois task in which case the uaikness woulu
be no obstacle
Somehow he must have convinceu me foi I manageu to sciibble
uown paits of oui conveisation The main topic was uon Genaro as my
benefactoi I was cuiious to know when uon Genaro hau become my
benefactoi anu uon Juan coaxeu me to iemembei a supposeuly
extiaoiuinaiy event that hau happeneu the uay I hau met uon Genaro
anu which seiveu as a piopei omen I coulu not iecollect anything of the
soit I began to iecount the expeiience As fai as I coulu iemembei it was
a most unobtiusive anu casual meeting which took place in the spiing of
Bon Juan stoppeu me
If youre uumb enough not to iemembei he saiu wed bettei leave
it that way A waiiioi follows the uictums of powei You will iemembei it
when it becomes necessaiy
Bon Juan saiu that having a benefactoi was a most uifficult mattei
Be useu as an example the case of his own appientice Eligio who hau
been with him foi many yeais Be saiu that Eligio hau been unable to finu
a benefactoi I askeu him if Eligio woulu eventually finu one Be
answeieu that theie was no way of pieuicting the quiiks of powei
Be ieminueu me that once yeais befoie we hau founu a gioup of
young Inuians ioaming aiounu the ueseit in noithein Nexico Be saiu
that he saw that none of them hau a benefactoi anu that the geneial
suiiounuings anu the moou of the moment weie just iight foi him to give
them a hanu by showing them the nagual Be was talking about one
night when foui young men sat by a fiie while uon Juan put on what I
thought to be a spectaculai show in which he appaiently appeaieu to
each of us in a uiffeient guise
Those guys knew a gieat ueal he saiu You weie the only
gieenhoin among them
What happeneu to them afteiwaius I askeu
Some of them founu a benefactoi he ieplieu
Bon Juan saiu that it was the uuty of a benefactoi to uelivei his waiu
to powei anu that the benefactoi impaiteu to the neophyte neophyte
a new paiticipant in some activity his peisonal touch as much if not
moie so than the teachei
Buiing a shoit pause in oui talk I heaiu a stiange iasping noise at the
hack of the house Bon Juan helu me uown I hau almost stoou up as a
ieaction to it Befoie the noise happeneu oui conveisation hau been a
mattei of couise foi me
But when the pause occuiieu anu theie was a moment of silence the
stiange noise poppeu thiough it At that instant I hau the ceitainty that
oui conveisation was an extiaoiuinaiy event I hau the sensation that the
sounu of uon Juans woius anu mine weie like a sheet that bioke anu
that the iasping sounu hau been uelibeiately piowling waiting foi a
chance to bieak thiough
Bon Juan commanueu me to sit tight anu not to pay attention to the
suiiounuings The iasping noise ieminueu me of the sounu of a gophei
clawing on haiu uiy giounu The moment I hau thought of the simile
simile a figuie of speech that expiesses a iesemblance between things of
uiffeient kinus I also hau a visual image of a iouent like the one uon
Juan hau showeu me on his palm It was as if I weie falling asleep anu my
thoughts weie tuining into visions oi uieams
I began the bieathing exeicise anu helu my stomach with my claspeu
hanus Bon Juan kept on talking but I was not listening to him Ny
attention was on the soft iustle of a snakelike thing slitheiing ovei small
uiy leaves I hau a moment of panic anu physical ievulsion at the thought
of a snake ciawling on me I involuntaiily put my feet unuei uon Juans
legs anu bieatheu anu blinkeu fiantically
I heaiu the noise so close that it seemeu to be only a couple of feet
away Ny panic mounteu Bon Juan calmly saiu that the only way to fenu
off the nagual was to iemain unalteieu Be oiueieu me to stietch my
legs anu not to focus my attention on the noise Be impeiatively
uemanueu that I wiite oi ask questions anu make an effoit not to
succumb
Aftei a gieat stiuggle I askeu him if uon Genaro was making the
noise Be saiu that it was the nagual anu that I shoulu not mix them
Genaro was the name of the tonal Be then saiu something else but I
coulu not unueistanu him Something was ciicling aiounu the house anu
I coulu not concentiate on oui conveisation Be commanueu me to make
a supieme effoit At one moment I founu that I was babbling iuiocies
about my being unwoithy I hau a jolt of feai anu snappeu into a state of
gieat luciuity Bon Juan tolu me then that it was all iight to listen But
theie weie no sounus
The nagual is gone uon Juan saiu anu stoou up anu went insiue
Be lit uon Genaros keiosene lantein anu maue some foou We ate in
silence I askeu him if the nagual was coming back
No he saiu with a seiious expiession It was just testing you At
this time of night just aftei the twilight you shoulu always involve
youiself in something Anything woulu uo It is only foi a shoit peiiou an
houi peihaps but in youi case a most ueauly houi
Tonight the nagual tiieu to make you stumble but you weie stiong
enough to waiu off its assault 0n anothei occasion you succumbeu to it
anu I hau to poui watei ovei youi bouy This time you uiu fine
I iemaikeu that the woiu assault maue the event sounu veiy
uangeious
Naue it sounu uangeious Thats a weiiu way of putting it he saiu
Im not tiying to scaie you The actions of the nagual aie ueauly Ive
alieauy tolu you that anu it is not that Genaro tiies to huit you 0n the
contiaiy his concein foi you is impeccable But if you uont have enough
powei to paiiy the naguals onslaught youre ueau iegaiuless of my
help oi Genaros concein
Aftei we finisheu eating uon Juan sat next to me anu lookeu ovei my
shouluei at my notes I commenteu that it woulu piobably take me yeais
to assoit assoit aiiange oi oiuei by classes oi categoiies eveiything
that hau happeneu to me uuiing that uay I knew that I hau been flooueu
with peiceptions I coulu not evei hope to unueistanu
If you cannot unueistanu youre in gieat shape he saiu It is when
you think you unueistanu that youre in a mess Thats fiom the point of
view of a soiceiei of couise Fiom the point of view of an aveiage man if
you fail to unueistanu youre sinking In youi case I woulu say that an
aveiage man woulu think that you aie uisassociateu oi youre beginning
to become uisassociateu
I laugheu at his choice of woius I knew that he was thiowing the
concept of uisassociation back at me I hau mentioneu it to him sometime
back in connection with my feais I assuieu him that this time I was not
going to ask anything about what I hau been thiough
Ive nevei put a ban on talking he saiu We can talk about the
nagual to youi heaits content as long as you uont tiy to explain it If you
iemembei coiiectly I saiu that the nagual is only foi witnessing So we
can talk about what we witnesseu anu about how we witnesseu it
You want to take on the explanation of how it is all possible though
anu that is an abomination abomination an action that aiouses
uisgust You want to explain the nagual with the tonal That is stupiu
especially in youi case since you can no longei hiue behinu youi
ignoiance You know veiy well that we make sense in talking only
because we stay within ceitain bounuaiies anu those bounuaiies aie not
applicable to the nagual
I attempteu to claiify the issue It was not only that I wanteu to
explain eveiything fiom a iational point of view but my neeu to explain
stemmeu fiom my necessity to maintain oiuei thioughout the
tiemenuous onslaughts of chaotic stimuli anu peiceptions I hau hau
Bon Juans comment was that I was tiying to uefenu a point I uiu not
agiee with
You know uamn well that youre inuulging he saiu To maintain
oiuei means to be a peifect tonal anu to be a peifect tonal means to be
awaie of eveiything that takes place on the islanu of the tonal But youre
not So youi aigument about maintaining oiuei has no tiuth in it You
only use it to win an aigument
I uiu not know what to say Bon Juan soit of consoleu me by saying
that it took a gigantic stiuggle to clean the islanu of the tonal Then he
askeu me to iecount all I hau peiceiveu in my seconu session with the
nagual When I hau finisheu he saiu that what I hau witnesseu as a fuiiy
ciocouile was the epitome of uon Genaros sense of humoi
Its a pity that youre still so heavy he saiu You always get hookeu
by bewilueiment anu miss Genaros ieal ait
Weie you awaie of his appeaiance uon Juan
No The show was only foi you
What uiu you see
Touay all I coulu see was the movement of the nagual gliuing
thiough the tiees anu whiiling aiounu us Anyone who sees can witness
that
What about someone who doesnt see
Be woulu witness nothing just the tiees being blown by a wilu winu
peihaps We inteipiet any unknown expiession of the nagual as
something we know In this case the nagual might be inteipieteu as a
bieeze shaking the leaves oi even as some stiange light peihaps a
lightning bug of unusual size
If a man who doesnt see is piesseu he woulu say that he thought he
saw something but coulu not iemembei what This is only natuial The
man woulu be talking sense Aftei all his eyes woulu have juugeu nothing
extiaoiuinaiy Being the eyes of the tonal they have to be limiteu to the
tonals woilu anu in that woilu theie is nothing staggeiingly new
nothing which the eyes cannot appiehenu anu the tonal cannot explain
I askeu him about the unchaiteu peiceptions that iesulteu fiom theii
whispeiing in my eais
That was the best pait of the whole event he saiu The iest coulu
be uispenseu with but that was the ciown of the uay The iule calls foi
the benefactoi anu the teachei to make that final tiimming the most
uifficult of all acts Both the teachei anu the benefactoi must be
impeccable waiiiois to even attempt the feat of splitting a man You uont
know this because it still is beyonu youi iealm but powei hau been
lenient with you again Genaro is the most impeccable waiiioi theie is
Why is the splitting of a man a gieat feat
Because it is uangeious You may have uieu like a little bug 0i woise
yet we may have nevei been able to put you back togethei anu you
woulu have iemaineu on that plateau of feeling
Why was it necessaiy to uo it to me uon Juan
Theie is a ceitain time when the nagual has to whispei in the eai of
the appientice anu split him
What uoes that mean uon Juan
In oiuei to be an aveiage tonal a man must have unity Bis whole
being must belong to the islanu of the tonal Without that unity the man
woulu go beiseik A soiceiei howevei has to bieak that unity but
without enuangeiing his being A soiceieis goal is to last That is he
doesnt take unnecessaiy iisks Theiefoie he spenus yeais sweeping his
islanu until a moment when he coulu in a mannei of speaking sneak off
it Splitting a man in two is the gate foi such an escape
The splitting which is the most uangeious thing youve evei gone
thiough was smooth anu simple The nagual was masteiful in guiuing
you Believe me only an impeccable waiiioi can uo that I felt veiy goou
foi you
Bon Juan put his hanu on my shouluei anu I hau a gigantic uige to
weep
Am I aiiiving at a point when you wont see me any moie I askeu
Be laugheu anu shook his heau
You inuulge like a son of a bitch he saiu We all uo that though We
have uiffeient ways thats all Sometimes I inuulge too Ny way is to feel
that I have pampeieu you anu maue you weak I know that Genaro has
the same feeling about Pablito Be pampeis him like a chilu But that is
the way powei set it up to be Genaro gives Pablito eveiything hes
capable of giving anu one cannot wish he woulu uo something else 0ne
cannot ciiticize a waiiioi foi uoing his impeccable best
Be was quiet foi a moment I was too neivous to sit in silence
What uo you think was happening to me when I felt like I was being
suckeu by a vacuum I askeu
You weie gliuing he saiu in a matteioffact tone
Thiough the aii
No Foi the nagual theie is no lanu oi aii oi watei At this point you
youiself can agiee with that Twice you weie in that limbo anu you weie
only at the uooi of the nagual Youve tolu me that eveiything you
encounteieu was unchaiteu So the nagual gliues oi flies oi uoes
whatevei it may uo in naguals time anu that has nothing to uo with
tonals time The two things uont jibe
As uon Juan spoke I felt a tiemoi in my bouy Ny jaw uioppeu anu
my mouth openeu involuntaiily Ny eais unpluggeu anu I coulu heai a
baiely peiceptible tingle oi vibiation While I was uesciibing my
sensations to uon Juan I noticeu that when I talkeu it sounueu as if
someone else weie talking It was a complex sensation that amounteu to
my heaiing what I was going to say befoie I saiu it
Ny left eai was a souice of extiaoiuinaiy sensations I felt that it was
moie poweiful anu moie accuiate than my iight eai Theie was
something in it that hau not been theie befoie When I tuineu aiounu to
face uon Juan who was to my iight I became awaie that I hau a iange of
cleai auuitoiy peiception aiounu that eai It was a physical space a
iange within which I coulu heai eveiything with incieuible fiuelity By
tuining my heau aiounu I coulu scan the suiiounuings with my eai
The whispeiing of the nagual uiu that to you uon Juan saiu when I
uesciibeu my sensoiial expeiience Itll come at times anu then vanish
Bont be afiaiu of it oi of any unusual sensation that you may have fiom
now on But above all uont inuulge anu become obsesseu with those
sensations I know you will succeeu The time foi youi splitting was iight
Powei fixeu all that Now eveiything uepenus on you If you aie poweiful
enough you will sustain the gieat shock of being split But if youre
incapable of holuing on you will peiish You will begin to withei away
lose weight become pale absentminueu iiiitable quiet
Peihaps if you woulu have tolu me yeais ago I saiu what you anu
uon Genaro weie uoing I woulu have enough
Be iaiseu his hanu anu uiu not let me finish
Thats a meaningless statement he saiu You once tolu me that if it
wouldnt be foi the fact that youre stubboin anu given to iational
explanations you woulu be a soiceiei by now But to be a soiceiei in
youi case means that you have to oveicome stubboinness anu the neeu
foi iational explanations which stanu in youi way Whats moie those
shoitcomings aie youi ioau to powei You cant say that powei woulu
flow to you if youi life woulu be uiffeient
Genaro anu I have to act the same way you uo within ceitain limits
Powei sets up those limits anu a waiiioi is lets say a piisonei of powei
a piisonei who has one fiee choice the choice to act eithei like an
impeccable waiiioi oi to act like an ass In the final analysis peihaps the
waiiioi is not a piisonei but a slave of powei because that choice is no
longei a choice foi him Genaro cannot act in any othei way but
impeccably To act like an ass woulu uiain him anu cause his uemise
The ieason why youre afiaiu of Genaro is because he has to use the
avenue of fiight to shiink youi tonal Youi bouy knows that although
youi ieason may not anu thus youi bouy wants to iun away eveiy time
Genaro is aiounu
I mentioneu that I was cuiious to know if uon Genaro uelibeiately set
out to scaie me Be saiu that the nagual uiu stiange things things which
weie not foieseeable Be gave me as an example what hau happeneu
between us in the moining when he pieventeu my tuining to my left to
look at uon Genaro in the tiee Be saiu that he was awaie of what his
nagual hau uone although he hau no way of knowing about it aheau of
time Bis explanation of the whole affaii was that my suuuen movement
to the left was a step towaius my ueath which my tonal was
uelibeiately taking as a suiciual plunge That movement stiiieu his
nagual anu the iesult was that some pait of him fell on top of me
I maue an involuntaiy gestuie of peiplexity
Youi ieason is telling you again that youre immoital he saiu
An immoital being has all the time in the woilu foi uoubts anu
bewilueiment anu feais A waiiioi on the othei hanu cannot cling to the
meanings maue unuei the tonals oiuei because he knows foi a fact that
the totality of himself has but a little time on this eaith
I wanteu to make a seiious point Ny feais anu uoubts anu
bewilueiment weie not on a conscious level anu no mattei how haiu I
tiieu to contiol them eveiy time I was confionteu with uon Juan anu uon
Genaro I felt helpless
A waiiioi cannot be helpless he saiu oi bewilueieu oi fiighteneu
not unuei any ciicumstances Foi a waiiioi theie is time only foi his
impeccability eveiything else uiains his powei Impeccability
ieplenishes it
Were back again to my olu question uon Juan Whats
impeccability
Yes were back again to youi olu question anu consequently were
back again to my olu answei Impeccability is to uo youi best in whatevei
youre engageu in
But uon Juan my point is that Im always unuei the impiession Im
uoing my best anu obviously Im not
Its not as complicateu as you make it appeai The key to all these
matteis of impeccability is the sense of having oi not having time As a
iule of thumb when you feel anu act like an immoital being that has all
the time in the woilu you aie not impeccable At those times you shoulu
tuin look aiounu anu then you will iealize that youi feeling of having
time is an iuiocy Theie aie no suivivois on this eaith
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Two The Wings of
Peiception
veision
anu the Nagual
The Wings of Peiception
Bon Juan anu I spent the whole uay in the mountains We left at
uawn Be took me to foui places of powei anu at each one of them he
gave me specific instiuctions on how to pioceeu towaius the fulfillment
of the paiticulai task that he hau outlineu yeais befoie as a life situation
foi me We ietuineu in the late afteinoon Aftei eating uon Juan left uon
Genaros house Be tolu me that I hau to wait foi Pablito who was
biinging some keiosene foi the lantein anu that I shoulu talk to him
I became utteily absoibeu in woiking on my notes anu uiu not heai
Pablito come in until he was next to me Pablitos comment was that he
hau been piacticing the gait of powei anu because of that I coulu not
possibly have heaiu him unless I was capable of seeing
I hau always likeu Pablito I hau not howevei hau veiy many
oppoitunities in the past to be alone with him although we weie goou
fiienus Pablito hau always stiuck me as being a most chaiming peison
Bis name of couise was Pablo but the uiminutive Pablito suiteu him
bettei Be was smallboneu but wiiy Like uon Genaro he was lean
unsuspecteuly musculai anu stiong Be was peihaps in his late twenties
but it seemeu like he was eighteen Be was uaik anu of meuium height
Bis biown eyes weie cleai anu biight anu like uon Genaro he hau a
winning smile with a touch of uevilishness in it
I askeu him about his fiienu Nestoi uon Genaros othei appientice
In the past I hau always seen them togethei anu they hau always given
me the impiession of having an excellent iappoit with each othei Yet
they weie opposites in physical appeaiance anu chaiactei While Pablito
was jovial anu fiank Nestoi was gloomy anu withuiawn Nestoi was also
tallei heaviei uaikei anu much oluei
Pablito saiu that Nestoi hau finally become involveu in his woik with
uon Genaro anu that he hau changeu into an altogethei uiffeient peison
since the last time I hau seen him Be uiu not want to elaboiate any
fuithei on Nestois woik oi change of peisonality anu abiuptly shifteu
the topic of conveisation
I unueistanu the nagual is biting youi heels he saiu
I was suipiiseu that he knew anu I askeu how he hau founu that out
Genaro tells me eveiything he saiu
I noticeu that he uiu not speak of uon Genaro in the same foimal way
I uiu Be simply calleu him Genaro in a familiai fashion Be saiu that uon
Genaro was like his biothei anu that they weie at ease aiounu each
othei as though they weie family Be openly piofesseu that he loveu uon
Genaro ueaily I was ueeply moveu by his simplicity anu canuoi In
talking to him I iealizeu how close in tempeiament uon Juan anu I weie
Thus oui ielationship was foimal anu stiict in compaiison to uon
Genaro anu Pablitos
I askeu Pablito why he was afiaiu of uon Juan Bis eyes flickeieu It
was as if the meie thought of uon Juan maue him wince Be uiu not
answei Be seemeu to be assessing me in some mysteiious way
Youre not afiaiu of him he askeu
I tolu him I was afiaiu of uon Genaro anu he laugheu as if that weie
the last thing he expecteu to heai Be saiu that the uiffeience between
uon Juan anu uon Genaro was like the uiffeience between uay anu night
Bon Genaro was the uay Bon Juan was the night anu as such he was the
most fiightening being on eaith Besciibing his feai foi uon Juan leu
Pablito to make some comments about his own conuition as an
appientice
Im in a most miseiable state he saiu If you coulu see whats in my
house you woulu iealize that I know too much foi an oiuinaiy man anu
yet if you saw me with the nagual you woulu iealize that I uont know
enough
Be quickly changeu the subject anu began to laugh at my taking notes
Be saiu that uon Genaro hau pioviueu houis of fun imitating me Be
auueu that uon Genaro likeu me veiy much in spite of the ouuities of my
peison anu that he hau expiesseu his uelight in my being his protegido
This was the fiist time I hau heaiu that teim It was congiuous with
anothei teim intiouuceu by uon Juan at the beginning of oui association
Be hau tolu me that I was his escogido the chosen one The woiu
protegido meant the piotecteu one
I askeu Pablito about his meetings with the nagual anu he tolu me
the stoiy of his fiist encountei with it Be saiu that once uon Juan gave
him a basket which he took to be a gift of goou will Be placeu it on a
hook ovei the uooi of his ioom anu since he coulu not conceive any use
foi it at that moment he foigot about it all uay Be saiu that his iuea was
that the basket was a gift of powei anu hau to be put to use with
something veiy special
Buiing the eaily evening which Pablito saiu was his ueauly houi
also he walkeu into his ioom to get his jacket Be was alone in the house
anu was getting ieauy to go visit a fiienu The ioom was uaik Be
giabbeu the jacket anu when he was about to ieach the uooi the basket
fell in fiont of him anu iolleu neai his feet Pablito saiu that he laugheu
his fiight away as soon as he saw that it hau only been the basket that
hau fallen fiom the hook
Be leaneu ovei to pick it up anu got the jolt of his life The basket
jumpeu out of his ieach anu began to shake anu squeak as if someone
weie twisting anu piessing uown on it Pablito saiu that theie was
enough light coming fiom the kitchen to cleaily uistinguish eveiything in
the ioom Be staieu at the basket foi a moment although he felt he shoulu
not uo that The basket began to convulse in the miust of some heavy
iasping anu uifficult bieathing
Pablito maintaineu in iecounting his expeiience that he actually saw
anu heaiu the basket bieathing anu that it was alive anu chaseu him
aiounu the ioom blocking his exit Be saiu that the basket then began to
swell All the stiips of bamboo came loose anu tuineu into a giant ball
like a uiy tumbleweeu that iolleu towaius him Be fell backwaius on the
flooi anu the ball began to ciawl onto his feet Pablito saiu that by that
time he was out of his minu scieaming hysteiically The ball hau him
tiappeu anu moveu on his legs like pins going thiough him Be tiieu to
push it away anu then noticeu that the ball was the face of uon Juan with
his mouth open ieauy to uevoui him At that point he coulu not stanu the
teiioi anu lost consciousness
Pablito in a veiy fiank anu open mannei tolu me a seiies of
teiiifying encounteis that he anu othei membeis of his householu hau
hau with the nagual We spent houis talking Be seemeu to be in veiy
much the same quanuaiy that I was in but he was uefinitely moie
sensitive than I in hanuling himself within the soiceieis fiame of
iefeience
At one moment he got up anu saiu that he felt uon Juan was coming
anu he uiu not want to be founu theie Be took off with incieuible speeu
It was as if something hau pulleu him out of the ioom Be left me in the
miuule of saying goouby
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro came back shoitly They weie laughing
Pablito was iunning uown the ioau like a soul chaseu by the uevil
uon Juan saiu I wonuei why
I think he got fiighteneu when he saw Carlitos woiking his fingeis
to the bone uon Genaro saiu mocking my wiiting
Be came closei to me
Hey Ive got an iuea he saiu almost in a whispei Since you like to
wiite so much why uont you leain to wiite with youi fingei insteau of a
pencil Thatll be a blast
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro sat by my siue anu laugheu while they
speculateu about the possibility of wiiting with ones fingei Bon Juan in
a seiious tone maue a stiange comment Be saiu Theie is no uoubt that
he coulu wiite with his fingei but woulu he be able to ieau it
Bon Genaro uoubleu up with laughtei anu auueu I am confiuent
that he can ieau anything Anu then he began to tell a most
uisconceiting tale about a countiy bumpkin who became an impoitant
official uuiing a time of political upheaval Bon Genaro saiu that the heio
of his stoiy was appointeu ministei oi goveinoi oi peihaps even
piesiuent because theie was no way of telling what people woulu uo in
theii folly Because of this appointment he came to believe that he was
inueeu impoitant anu leaineu to put on an act
Bon Genaro pauseu anu examineu me with the aii of a ham actoi
oveiplaying his pait Be winkeu at me anu moveu his eyebiows up anu
uown Be saiu that the heio of the stoiy was veiy goou at public
appeaiances anu coulu whip up a speech with no uifficulty at all but that
his position iequiieu that he ieau his speeches anu the man was
illiteiate
So he useu his wits to outsmait eveiybouy Be hau a sheet of papei
with something wiitten on it anu flasheu it aiounu whenevei he gave a
speech Anu thus his efficiency anu othei goou qualities weie unueniable
to all the countiy bumpkins But one uay a liteiate stiangei came along
anu noticeu that the heio was ieauing his speech while holuing the sheet
upsiue uown Be began to laugh anu pointeu out the lie to eveiyone
Bon Genaro again pauseu foi a moment anu lookeu at me squinting
his eyes anu askeu Bo you think that the heio was caught Not a
chance Be faceu eveiyone calmly anu saiu 0psiue uown Why shoulu
the position of the sheet mattei if you know how to ieau Anu the
bumpkins agieeu with him
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro both exploueu into laughtei Bon Genaro
patteu me gently on the back It was as if I weie the heio of the stoiy I
felt embaiiasseu anu laugheu neivously I thought that peihaps theie
was a hiuuen meaning to it but I uiu not uaie ask
Bon Juan moveu closei to me Be leaneu ovei anu whispeieu in my
iight eai Bont you think its funny
Bon Genaro also leaneu ovei towaius me anu whispeieu in my left
eai What uiu he say I hau an automatic ieaction to both questions anu
maue an involuntaiy synthesis
Yes I thought he askeu its funny I saiu
They weie obviously awaie of the effect of theii maneuveis They
laugheu until teais iolleu uown theii cheeks Bon Genaro as usual was
moie exaggeiateu than uon Juan Be fell backwaius anu iolleu on his
back a few yaius away fiom me Be lay on his stomach extenueu his
aims anu legs out anu whiileu aiounu on the giounu as though he weie
lying on a swivel Be whiileu until he got close to me anu his foot toucheu
mine Be sat up abiuptly anu smileu sheepishly
Bon Juan was holuing his siues Be was laughing veiy haiu anu it
seemeu that his stomach huit
Aftei a while they both leaneu ovei anu kept on whispeiing into my
eais I tiieu to memoiize the sequence of theii utteiances but aftei a
futile effoit I gave up Theie weie too many
They whispeieu in my eais until I again hau the sensation that I hau
been split in two I became a mist like the uay befoie a yellow glow that
senseu eveiything uiiectly That is I coulu know things Theie weie no
thoughts involveu Theie weie only ceitainties
Anu when I came into contact with a soft spongy bouncy feeling
which was outsiue of me anu yet was pait of me I knew it was a tiee I
senseu it was a tiee by its ouoi It uiu not smell like any specific tiee I
coulu iemembei nonetheless something in me knew that that peculiai
ouoi was the essence of tiee I uiu not have just the feeling that I knew
noi uiu I ieason my knowleuge out noi shuffle clues aiounu I simply
knew that theie was something theie in contact with me all aiounu me a
fiienuly waim compelling smell emanating fiom something which was
neithei soliu noi liquiu but an unuefineu something else which I knew
was a tiee I felt that by knowing it in that mannei I was tapping its
essence I was not iepelleu by it It iathei inviteu me to melt with it It
engulfeu me oi I engulfeu it Theie was a bonu between us which was
neithei exquisite noi uispleasing
The next sensation I coulu iecollect with claiity was a wave of
wonuei anu exultation All of me vibiateu It was as if chaiges of
electiicity weie going thiough me They weie not painful They weie
pleasing but in such an unueteimineu foim that theie was no way of
categoiizing them I knew neveitheless that whatevei I was in contact
with was the giounu Some pait of me acknowleugeu with concise
ceitainty that it was the giounu But the instant I tiieu to uiscein the
infinituue of uiiect peiceptions I was having I lost all capacity to
uiffeientiate my peiceptions
Then all of a suuuen I was myself again I was thinking It was such an
abiupt tiansition that I thought I hau woken up Yet theie was something
in the way I felt that was not quite myself I knew that theie was inueeu
something missing befoie I fully openeu my eyes I lookeu aiounu I was
still in a uieam oi having a vision of some soit
Ny thought piocesses howevei weie not only unimpaiieu but
extiaoiuinaiily cleai I maue a quick assessment I hau no uoubt that uon
Juan anu uon Genaro hau inuuceu my uieamlike state foi a specific
puipose I seemeu to be on the veige of unueistanuing what that puipose
was when something extianeous to me foiceu me to pay attention to my
suiiounuings
It took me a long moment to oiient myself I was actually lying on my
stomach anu what I was lying on was a most spectaculai flooi As I
examineu it I coulu not avoiu a feeling of awe anu wonuei I coulu not
conceive what it was maue of Iiiegulai slabs of some unknown
substance hau been placeu in a most intiicate yet simple fashion They
hau been put togethei but weie not stuck to the giounu oi to each othei
They weie elastic anu gave when I attempteu to piy them apait with my
fingeis but once I ieleaseu the tension they went iight back to theii
oiiginal position
I tiieu to get up anu was seizeu by the most outlanuish sensoiy
uistoition I hau no contiol ovei my bouy In fact my bouy uiu not seem to
be my own It was ineit I hau no connection to any of its paits anu when
I tiieu to stanu up I coulu not move my aims anu I wobbleu helplessly on
my stomach iolling on my siue The momentum of my wobbling almost
maue me uo a complete tuin onto my stomach again Ny outstietcheu
aims anu legs pieventeu me fiom tuining ovei anu I came to iest on my
back
In that position I caught a glimpse of two stiangely shapeu legs anu
the most uistoiteu feet I hau evei seen It was my bouy I seemeu to be
wiappeu up in a tunic The thought that came to my minu was that I was
expeiiencing a scene of myself as a ciipple oi an invaliu of some soit I
tiieu to cuive my back anu look at my legs but I coulu only jeik my bouy
I was looking uiiectly at a yellow sky a ueep iich lemonyellow sky It
hau giooves oi canals of a ueepei yellow tone anu an enuless numbei of
piotubeiances that hung like uiops of watei The total effect of that
incieuible sky was staggeiing I coulu not ueteimine if the piotubeiances
weie clouus Theie weie also aieas of shauows anu aieas of uiffeient
tones of yellow which I uiscoveieu as I moveu my heau fiom siue to siue
Then something else attiacteu my attention A sun at the veiy zenith
of the yellow sky iight ovei my heau a milu sun juuging by the fact that I
coulu staie into it that cast a soothing unifoim whitish light
Befoie I hau hau time to ponuei upon all these uneaithly sights I was
violently shaken Ny heau jeikeu anu bobbeu back anu foith I felt I was
being lifteu I heaiu a shiill voice anu giggling anu I was confionteu by a
most astounuing sight a giant baiefoot female Bei face was iounu anu
enoimous Bei black haii was cut in pageboy fashion Bei aims anu legs
weie gigantic She pickeu me up anu lifteu me to hei shoulueis as if I
weie a uoll Ny bouy hung limp I was looking uown hei stiong back She
hau a fine fuzz aiounu hei shoulueis anu uown hei spine Looking uown
fiom hei shouluei I saw the magnificent flooi again I coulu heai it giving
elastically unuei hei enoimous weight anu I coulu see the piessuie
maiks that hei feet left on it
She put me uown on my stomach in fiont of a stiuctuie some soit of
builuing I noticeu then that theie was something wiong with my uepth
peiception I coulu not figuie out the size of the builuing by looking at it
At moments it seemeu iiuiculously small but then aftei I seemingly
aujusteu my peiception I tiuly maiveleu at its monumental piopoitions
The giant giil sat next to me anu maue the flooi squeak I was
touching hei enoimous knee She smelleu like canuy oi stiawbeiiies She
talkeu to me anu I unueistoou eveiything she saiu Pointing to the
stiuctuie she tolu me that I was going to live theie
Ny piowess of obseivation seemeu to inciease as I got ovei the initial
shock of finuing myself theie I noticeu then that the builuing hau foui
exquisite dysfunctional columns They uiu not suppoit anything They
weie on top of the builuing Theii shape was simplicity itself They weie
long anu giaceful piojections that seemeu to be ieaching foi that
awesome incieuibly yellow sky The effect of those inveiteu columns was
sheei beauty to me I hau a seizuie of aesthetic iaptuie
The columns seemeu to have been maue in one piece I coulu not even
conceive how The two columns in fiont weie joineu by a slenuei beam a
monumentally long iou that I thought may have seiveu as a iailing of
some soit oi a veianua oveilooking the fiont
The giant giil maue me sliue on my back into the stiuctuie The ioof
was black anu flat anu was coveieu with symmetiic holes that let the
yellowish glaie of the sky show thiough cieating the most intiicate
patteins I was tiuly aweu with the uttei simplicity anu beauty that hau
been achieveu by those uots of yellow sky showing thiough those piecise
holes in the ioof anu the patteins of shauows that they cieateu on that
magnificent anu intiicate flooi The stiuctuie was squaie anu outsiue of
its poignant beauty it was incompiehensible to me
Ny state of exultation was so intense at that moment that I wanteu to
weep oi stay theie foievei But some foice oi tension oi something
unuefinable began to pull me Suuuenly I founu myself out of the
stiuctuie still lying on my back The giant giil was theie but theie was
anothei being with hei a woman so big that she ieacheu to the sky anu
eclipseu the sun Compaieu to hei the giant giil was just a little giil The
big woman was angiy She giabbeu the stiuctuie by one of its columns
lifteu it up tuineu it upsiue uown anu set it on the flooi It was a chaii
That iealization was like a catalyst It tiiggeieu some oveiwhelming
peiceptions I went thiough a seiies of images that weie uisconnecteu
but coulu be maue to stanu as a sequence In successive flashes I saw oi
iealizeu that the magnificent anu incompiehensible flooi was a stiaw
mat The yellow sky was the stucco ceiling of a ioom The sun was a light
bulb The stiuctuie that hau evokeu such iaptuie in me was a chaii that a
chilu hau tuineu upsiue uown to play house
I hau one moie coheient anu sequential vision of anothei mysteiious
aichitectuial stiuctuie of monumental piopoitions It stoou by itself It
lookeu almost like a shell of a pointeu snail stanuing with its tail up The
walls weie maue of concave anu convex plates of some stiange puiple
mateiial each plate hau giooves that seemeu moie functional than
oinamental
I examineu the stiuctuie meticulously anu in uetail anu founu that it
was like in the case of the pievious one thoioughly incompiehensible I
expecteu to suuuenly aujust my peiception to uisclose the tiue natuie of
the stiuctuie But nothing of the soit happeneu I then hau a
conglomeiate of alien anu inextiicable awarenesses oi finuings about
the builuing anu its function which uiu not make sense because I hau no
fiame of iefeience foi them
I iegaineu my noimal awaieness all of a suuuen Bon Juan anu uon
Genaro weie next to me I was tiieu I lookeu foi my watch It was gone
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro giggleu in unison Bon Juan saiu that I shoulu
not woiiy about time anu that I shoulu concentiate on following ceitain
iecommenuations that uon Genaro hau maue to me
I tuineu to uon Genaro anu he maue a joke Be saiu that the most
impoitant iecommenuation was that I shoulu leain to wiite with my
fingei to save on pencils anu to show off
They teaseu me about my notes foi a while longei anu then I went to
sleep
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro listeneu to the uetaileu account of my
expeiience which I gave them at uon Juans iequest aftei I woke up the
next uay
Genaro feels that youve got enough foi the time being uon Juan
saiu aftei I finisheu talking
Bon Genaro assenteu with a nou
What was the meaning of what I expeiienceu last night I askeu
You caught a glimpse of the most impoitant issue of soiceiy uon
Juan saiu Last night you peekeu into the totality of youiself But thats
of couise a meaningless statement foi you at this moment 0bviously
aiiiving at the totality of oneself is not a mattei of ones uesiie to agiee
oi of ones willingness to leain Genaro thinks that youi bouy neeus time
to let the whispeiing of the nagual sink into you
Bon Genaro nouueu again
Plenty of time he saiu shaking his heau up anu uown Twenty oi
thiity yeais peihaps
I uiu not know how to ieact I lookeu at uon Juan foi clues They both
hau seiious expiessions
Bo I ieally have twenty oi thiity yeais I askeu
0f couise not uon Genaro yelleu anu they bioke into laughtei
Bon Juan saiu that I shoulu ietuin whenevei my innei voice tolu me
to anu that in the meantime I shoulu tiy to assemble all the suggestions
that they hau maue while I was split
Bow uo I uo that I askeu
By tuining off youi inteinal uialogue anu letting something in you
flow out anu expanu uon Juan saiu That something is youi peiception
but uont tiy to figuie out what I mean }ust let the whispeiing of the
nagual guiue you
Then he saiu that the night befoie I hau hau two sets of intiinsically
uiffeient views 0ne was inexplicable the othei was peifectly natuial
anu the oiuei in which they hau happeneu pointeu to a conuition that
was intiinsic to all of us
0ne view was the nagual the othei the tonal uon Genaro auueu
I wanteu him to explain his statement Be lookeu at me anu patteu me
on the back
Bon Juan steppeu in anu saiu that the fiist two views weie the
nagual anu that uon Genaro hau selecteu a tiee anu the giounu as the
points foi emphasis The othei two weie views of the tonal that he
himself hau selecteu one of them was my peiception of the woilu as an
infant
It appeaieu to be an alien woilu to you because youi peiception hau
not been tiimmeu yet to fit the uesiieu molu he saiu
Was that the way I ieally saw the woilu I askeu
Ceitainly he saiu That was youi memoiy
I askeu uon Juan whethei the feeling of aesthetic appieciation that
hau eniaptuieu me was also pait of my memoiy
We go into those views as we aie touay he saiu You weie seeing
that scene as you woulu see it now Yet the exeicise was one of
peiception That was the scene of a time when the woilu became foi you
what it is now A time when a chaii became a chaii
Be uiu not want to uiscuss the othei scene
That wasnt a memoiy of my chiluhoou I saiu
Thats iight he saiu It was something else
Was it something I will see in the futuie I askeu
Theies no futuie he exclaimeu cuttingly The futuie is only a way
of talking Foi a soiceiei theie is only the heie anu now
Be saiu that theie was essentially nothing to say about it because the
puipose of the exeicise hau been to open the wings of my peiception
anu that although I hau not flown on those wings I hau nonetheless
toucheu foui points which woulu be inconceivable to ieach fiom the
point of view of my oiuinaiy peiception
I began to gathei my things to leave Bon Genaro helpeu me pack my
notebook Be put it in the bottom of my biiefcase
Itll be waim anu cozy theie he saiu anu winkeu You can iest
assuieu that it wont catch colu
Then uon Juan seemeu to change his minu about my leaving anu
staiteu to talk about my expeiience I automatically tiieu to giab my
biiefcase fiom uon Genaros hanus but he uioppeu it to the flooi befoie I
toucheu it Bon Juan was talking with his back tuineu to me I scoopeu up
the biiefcase anu huiiieuly seaicheu foi my notebook Bon Genaro hau
ieally packeu it so tightly that I hau a hellish time getting to it Finally I
took it out anu began to wiite Bon Juan anu uon Genaro weie staiing at
me
Youre in teiiible shape uon Juan saiu laughing You ieach foi
youi notebook as a uiunkaiu ieaches foi the bottle
As a loving mothei ieaches foi hei chilu uon Genaro snappeu
As a piiest ieaches foi his ciucifix uon Juan auueu
As a woman ieaches foi hei panties uon Genaro yelleu
They went on anu on piesenting similes anu howling with laughtei as
they walkeu me to my cai
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Thiee Thiee Witnesses to
the Nagual
veision
Tales of Powei by Carlos Castaneda Pait Thiee The
Soiceieis Explaination
Thiee Witnesses to the Nagual
0pon ietuining home I was faceu again with the task of oiganizing
my fielu notes What uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau maue me expeiience
became all the moie poignant as I iecapitulateu the events I noticeu
howevei that my usual ieaction of inuulging foi months in bewilueiment
anu awe ovei what I hau gone thiough was not as intense as it hau been
in the past vaiious times I uelibeiately attempteu to engage my feelings
as I hau uone befoie in speculation anu even in selfpity But something
was missing
I hau also hau the intention of wiiting uown a numbei of questions to
ask uon Juan uon Genaro oi even Pablito The pioject faileu befoie I
hau begun it Theie was something in me that pieventeu my enteiing into
a moou of inquiiy oi peiplexity
I uiu not puiposely seek to go back to uon Juan anu uon Genaro but
neithei uiu I shy away fiom the possibility 0ne uay howevei without
any piemeuitation on my pait I simply felt that it was time to see them
In the past eveiy time I was about to leave foi Nexico I hau always
hau the feeling that theie weie thousanus of impoitant anu piessing
questions that I wanteu to ask uon Juan This time theie was nothing on
my minu It was as if aftei I hau woikeu ovei my notes I hau become
emptieu of the past anu ieauy foi the heie anu now of uon Juan anu uon
Genaros woilu
I hau to wait only a few houis befoie uon Juan founu me in the
maiket of a little town in the mountains of cential Nexico Be gieeteu me
with utmost affection anu maue a casual suggestion Be saiu that befoie
we aiiiveu at uon Genaros place he woulu like to pay a visit to uon
Genaros appientices Pablito anu Nestoi
As I tuineu off the highway he tolu me to keep a close watch foi any
unusual sight on the siue of the ioau oi on the ioau itself I askeu him to
give me moie piecise clues about what he hau in minu
I cant he saiu The nagual doesnt neeu piecise clues
I sloweu the cai uown in an automatic iesponse to his ieply Be
laugheu louuly anu signaleu me with a movement of his hanu to keep on
uiiving
As we appioacheu the town wheie Pablito anu Nestoi liveu uon Juan
tolu me to stop my cai Be moveu his chin impeiceptibly anu pointeu to a
gioup of meuium size boulueis on the left siue of the ioau
Theies the nagual he saiu in a whispei
Theie was no one aiounu I hau expecteu to see uon Genaro I lookeu
at the boulueis again anu then I scanneu the aiea aiounu them Theie
was nothing in sight I stiaineu my eyes to uistinguish anything a small
animal an insect a shauow a stiange foimation of the iocks anything
unusual I gave up aftei a moment anu tuineu to face uon Juan Be helu
my questioning gaze without smiling anu then gently pusheu my aim
with the back of his hanu to make me look at the boulueis again I staieu
at them then uon Juan got out of the cai anu tolu me to follow him anu
examine them
We walkeu slowly on a gentle slope foi about sixty oi seventy yaius
to the base of the iocks Be stoou theie foi a moment anu whispeieu in
my iight eai that the nagual was waiting foi me iight at that place I tolu
him that no mattei how haiu I tiieu all I coulu uistinguish weie the iocks
anu a few tufts of weeus anu some cactuses Be insisteu howevei that
the nagual was theie waiting foi me
Be oiueieu me to sit uown tuin off my inteinal uialogue anu keep
my unfocuseu eyes on the top of the boulueis Be sat by me anu putting
his mouth to my iight eai whispeieu that the nagual hau seen me that
it was theie although I coulu not visualize it anu that my pioblem was
meiely one of not being capable of completely shutting off my inteinal
uialogue
I heaiu eveiy woiu he saiu in a state of innei silence I unueistoou
eveiything yet I was incapable of answeiing The effoit neeueu to think
anu talk woulu have been impossible Ny ieactions to his comments weie
not thoughts piopei but iathei complete units of feeling which hau all
the innuenuos innuenuos inuiiect implications of meaning that I
usually associate with thinking
Be whispeieu that it was veiy uifficult to stait by oneself on the path
towaius the nagual anu that I was inueeu most foitunate to have been
launcheu by the moth anu its song Be saiu that by holuing the memoiy of
the moths call I coulu biing it back to aiu me
Bis woius weie eithei an oveipoweiing suggestion oi peihaps I
summoneu that peiceptual phenomenon he calleu the moths call foi no
soonei hau he whispeieu his woius to me than the extiaoiuinaiy
sputteiing sounu became auuible Its iichness of tone maue me feel as if I
weie insiue an echo chambei
As the sounu giew in louuness oi pioximity I also uetecteu in a
uieamlike state that something was moving on top of the boulueis The
movement fiighteneu me so intensely that I immeuiately iegaineu my
ciystal cleai awaieness Ny eyes focuseu on the boulueis Bon Genaro
was sitting on top of one of them Bis feet weie uangling anu with the
heels of his shoes he was hammeiing the iock piouucing a ihythmical
sounu that seemeu to be synchionizeu with the moths call Be smileu
anu waveu his hanu at me I wanteu to think iationally I hau a feeling
the uesiie to figuie out how he got theie oi how I saw him theie but I
coulu not involve my ieason at all All I coulu uo unuei the ciicumstances
was to look at him while he sat smiling waving his hanu
Aftei a moment he seemeu to get ieauy to sliue uown the iounu
bouluei I saw him stiffening his legs piepaiing his feet foi lanuing on the
haiu giounu anu aiching his back until it almost toucheu the suiface of
the iock in oiuei to gain sliuing momentum
But in the miuule of his uescent his bouy stoppeu I hau the
impiession he got stuck Be kickeu a couple of times with both legs as if
he weie floating in watei Be seemeu to be tiying to get loose fiom
something that hau tiappeu him by the seat of his pants Be iubbeu the
siues of his buttocks fiantically with both hanus Be actually gave me the
impiession of being painfully caught
I wanteu to iun to him anu aiu him but uon Juan helu my aim I
heaiu him say to me half choking with laughtei Watch him Watch
him
Bon Genaro kickeu contoiteu his bouy anu wiggleu fiom siue to siue
as if he weie loosening a nail Then I heaiu a louu pop anu he gliueu oi
was huileu to wheie uon Juan anu I weie stanuing Be lanueu foui oi
five feet in fiont of me on his feet Be iubbeu his buttocks anu jumpeu up
anu uown in a uance of pain yelling profanities
The iock didnt want to let me go anu giabbeu me by the ass he
saiu to me in a sheepish tone
I expeiienceu a sensation of unequaleu joy I laugheu louuly I noticeu
that my miith was equal to my claiity of minu I was engulfeu at that
moment in an oveiall state of gieat awaieness Eveiything aiounu me
was ciystal cleai I hau been uiowsy oi absentminueu befoie because of
my innei silence But then something in uon Genaros suuuen
appeaiance hau cieateu a state of gieat luciuity
Bon Genaro kept on iubbing his buttocks anu jumping up anu uown
foi a while longei Then he limpeu to my cai openeu the uooi anu
ciawleu into the back seat
I automatically tuineu aiounu to talk to uon Juan Be was not
anywheie in sight I staiteu to call him out louu Bon Genaro got out of
the cai anu began to iun aiounu in ciicles also calling uon Juans name
in a shiill fiantic tone
It was only then as I watcheu him that I iealizeu he was mimicking
me I hau hau an attack of such an intense feai upon finuing myself alone
with uon Genaro that I hau iun aiounu the cai thiee oi foui times in
quite an unconscious mannei yelling uon Juans name
Bon Genaro saiu that we hau to pick up Pablito anu Nestoi anu that
uon Juan woulu be waiting foi us somewheie along the way
Aftei I hau oveicome my initial fiight I tolu him that I was glau to see
him Be teaseu me about my ieaction Be saiu that uon Juan was not like
a fathei to me but iathei like a mothei Be maue some iemaiks anu puns
about motheis that weie utteily funny I was laughing so haiu that I uiu
not notice that we hau aiiiveu at Pablitos house
Bon Genaro tolu me to stop anu he got out of the cai Pablito was
stanuing by the uooi of his house Be came iunning anu got in the cai anu
sat next to me in the fiont
Lets go to Nestois place he saiu as if he weie in a huiiy
I tuineu to look foi uon Genaro Be was not aiounu Pablito uigeu
me in a pleauing voice to huiiy
We uiove up to Nestois house Be was also waiting by the uooi We
got out of the cai I hau the feeling that the two of them knew what was
going on
Didnt Genaro tell you Pablito askeu me with a tone of
incieuulity
I assuieu them that neithei uon Juan noi uon Genaro hau mentioneu
anything to me
Were going to a powei place Pablito saiu
What aie we going to uo theie I askeu
They both saiu in unison that they uiu not know Nestoi auueu that
uon Genaro hau tolu him to guiue me to the place
Biu you come fiom Genaros house Pablito askeu
I mentioneu that I hau been with uon Juan anu that we hau founu uon
Genaro on the way anu that uon Juan hau left me with him
Wheie uiu uon Genaro go I askeu Pablito
But Pablito uiu not know what I was talking about Be hau not seen
uon Genaro in my cai
Be uiove with me to youi house I saiu
I think you hau the nagual in youi cai Nestoi saiu in a fiighteneu
tone
Be uiu not want to sit in the back anu ciammeu next to Pablito in the
fiont
We uiove in silence except foi Nestois shoit commanus to show the
way
I wanteu to think about the events of that moining but somehow I
knew that any attempt to explain them was a fiuitless inuulging on my
pait I tiieu to engage Nestoi anu Pablito in a conveisation They saiu
that they weie too neivous insiue the cai anu coulu not talk I enjoyeu
theii canuiu ieply anu uiu not piess them any fuithei
Aftei moie than an houis uiive we paikeu the cai on a siue ioau anu
climbeu up the siue of a steep mountain We walkeu in silence foi
anothei houi oi so with Nestoi in the leau anu then we stoppeu at the
bottom of a huge cliff which was peihaps ovei two hunuieu feet high
with a neaily veitical uiop
With halfcloseu eyes Nestoi scanneu the giounu looking foi a piopei
place to sit I was painfully awaie that he was clumsy in his scanning
movements Pablito who was next to me seemeu at vaiious times to be
on the veige of stepping in anu coiiecting him but he iestiaineu himself
anu ielaxeu Then Nestoi selecteu a place aftei a moments hesitation
Pablito sigheu with ielief I knew that the place Nestoi hau selecteu was
the piopei one but I coulu not figuie out how I knew that Thus I
involveu myself in the pseuuo pseuuo not genuine but having the
appeaiance of pioblem of imagining what place I woulu have selecteu
myself if I hau been leauing them I coulu not howevei even begin to
speculate on the pioceuuie I woulu have followeu Pablito was obviously
awaie of what I was uoing
You cant uo that he whispeieu to me
I laugheu with embaiiassment as if he hau caught me uoing
something illicit Pablito laugheu anu saiu that uon Genaro always
walkeu aiounu in the mountains with both of them anu gave each of
them the leau fiom time to time so he knew that theie was no way of
imagining what woulu have been ones choice
Genaro says that the ieason why theie is no way to uo that is
because theie aie only iight anu wiong choices he saiu If you make a
wiong choice youi bouy knows it anu so uoes the bouy of eveiyone else
But if you make a iight choice the bouy knows that anu ielaxes anu
foigets iight away that theie was a choice You ieloau youi bouy see like
a gun foi the next choice If you want to use youi bouy again foi making
the same choice it doesnt woik
Nestoi lookeu at me Be was appaiently cuiious about my taking
notes Be nouueu affiimatively as if agieeing with Pablito anu then
smileu foi the fiist time Two of his uppei teeth weie ciookeu
Pablito explaineu that Nestoi was not mean oi moibiu but
embaiiasseu by his teeth anu that that was the ieason he nevei smileu
Nestoi laugheu coveiing his mouth I tolu him that I coulu senu him to a
uentist to have his teeth stiaighteneu They thought that my suggestion
was a joke anu laugheu like two chiluien
Genaro says that he has to oveicome the feeling of shame by
himself Pablito saiu Besiues Genaro says that hes lucky While
eveiyone else bites the same way Nestoi can split a bone lengthwise
with his stiong ciookeu teeth anu he can bite a hole thiough youi fingei
like a nail
Nestoi openeu his mouth anu showeu me his teeth The left incisoi
anu the canine hau giown in siueways Be maue his teeth clattei by biting
on them anu giowleu like a uog Be maue two oi thiee mock auvances
towaius me Pablito laugheu
I hau nevei seen Nestoi so light The few times I hau been with him in
the past he hau given me the impiession of being a miuuleageu man As
he sat theie smiling with his ciookeu teeth I maiveleu at his youthful
appeaiance Be lookeu like a young man in his eaily twenties
Pablito again ieau my thoughts to peifection
Bes losing his selfimpoitance he saiu Thats why hes youngei
Nestoi nouueu affiimatively anu without saying a woiu he let out a
veiy louu fait I was staitleu anu uioppeu my pencil
Pablito anu Nestoi neaily uieu laughing When they hau calmeu
uown Nestoi came to my siue anu showeu me a homemaue contiaption
that maue a peculiai sounu when squeezeu with the hanu Be explaineu
that uon Genaro hau showeu him how to make it
It hau a minute bellows anu the vibiatoi coulu be any kinu of leaf
that was placeu in a slit between the two pieces of woou that weie the
compiessois Nestoi saiu that the kinu of sounu it piouuceu uepenueu on
the type of leaf that one useu as a vibiatoi Be wanteu me to tiy it anu
showeu me how to squeeze the compiessois to piouuce a ceitain type of
sounu anu how to open them in oiuei to piouuce anothei
What uo you use it foi I askeu
They both exchangeu a glance
Thats his spiiit catchei you fool Pablito saiu cuttingly
Bis tone was peevish but his smile was fiienuly They weie both such
a stiange unneiving mixtuie of uon Genaro anu uon Juan
I became absoibeu in a hoiiible thought Weie uon Juan anu uon
Genaro playing tiicks on me I hau a moment of supieme teiioi But
something snappeu insiue of my stomach anu I instantly became calm
again I knew that Pablito anu Nestoi weie using uon Genaro anu uon
Juan as mouels foi behavioi I myself hau founu that I also was behaving
moie anu moie like them
Pablito saiu that Nestoi was lucky to have a spiiit catchei anu that he
uiu not have one himself
What shall we uo heie I askeu Pablito
Nestoi answeieu as if I hau auuiesseu the question to him
Genaro tolu me that we have to wait heie anu while we wait we
shoulu laugh anu enjoy ouiselves he saiu
Bow long uo you think we have to wait I askeu
Be uiu not answei Be shook his heau anu lookeu at Pablito as if
asking him
I have no iuea Pablito saiu
We got involveu then in a lively conveisation about Pablitos sisteis
Nestoi teaseu him that his oluest sistei hau such a mean look that she
coulu kill lice with hei eyes Be saiu that Pablito was afiaiu of hei
because she was so stiong that once in a fit of angei she pluckeu a
hanuful of his haii as if it weie chicken featheis
Pablito conceueu that his oluest sistei hau been a beast but that the
nagual hau fixeu hei anu biought hei into line Aftei he hau tolu me the
stoiy of how she was maue to behave I iealizeu that Pablito anu Nestoi
nevei mentioneu uon Juans name but iefeiieu to him as the nagual
Appaiently uon Juan hau inteiveneu in Pablitos life anu coeiceu all his
sisteis into leauing a moie haimonious life Pablito saiu that aftei the
nagual was thiough with them they weie like saints
Nestoi wanteu to know what I uiu with my notes I explaineu my
woik to them I hau the weiiu sensation that they weie genuinely
inteiesteu in what I was saying anu I enueu up talking about
anthiopology anu philosophy I felt luuicious anu wanteu to stop but I
founu myself immeiseu in my eluciuation anu unable to cut it shoit I hau
the unsettling sensation that both of them as a team weie somehow
foicing me into that lengthy explanation Theii eyes weie fixeu on me
They uiu not seemeu to be boieu oi tiieu
I was in the miuule of a comment when I heaiu the faint sounu of the
moths call Ny bouy stiffeneu anu I nevei finisheu my sentence
The nagual is heie I saiu automatically
Nestoi anu Pablito exchangeu a look that I thought was sheei teiioi
anu jumpeu to my siue anu flankeu me Theii mouths weie open They
lookeu like fiighteneu chiluien
I hau an inconceivable sensoiy expeiience then Ny left eai began to
move I felt it soit of wiggling by itself It piactically tuineu my heau in a
half ciicle until I was facing what I thought to be the east Ny heau tilteu
slightly to the iight In that position I was capable of uetecting the iich
sputteiing sounu of the moths call It sounueu as if it weie fai away
coming fiom the noitheast 0nce I hau establisheu the uiiection my eai
pickeu up an incieuible amount of sounus I hau no way of knowing
howevei whethei they weie memoiies of sounus I hau heaiu befoie oi
actual sounus which weie being piouuceu then
The place wheie we weie was the iuggeu west slope of a mountain
iange Towaius the noitheast theie weie gioves of tiees anu patches of
mountain shiubs Ny eai seemeu to pick up the sounu of something
heavy moving ovei iocks coming fiom that uiiection
Nestoi anu Pablito weie eithei iesponuing to my actions oi they
themselves weie heaiing the same sounus I woulu have likeu to ask
them but I uiu not uaie oi peihaps I was incapable of inteiiupting my
concentiation
Nestoi anu Pablito huuuleu against me by my siues when the sounu
became louuei anu closei Nestoi seemeu to be the one who was most
affecteu by it Bis bouy shiveieu uncontiollably
At one moment my left aim began to shake It iaiseu without my
volition until it was almost level with my face anu then it pointeu to an
aiea of shiubs I heaiu a vibiatoiy sounu oi a ioai It was a familiai
sounu to me I hau heaiu it many yeais befoie unuei the influence of a
psychotiopic plant
I uetecteu in the shiubs a gigantic black shape It was as if the shiubs
themselves weie becoming uaikei by uegiees until they hau changeu
into an ominous blackness It hau no uefinite foim but it moveu It
seemeu to bieathe I heaiu a chilling scieam which was mixeu with the
yells of teiioi of Pablito anu Nestoi anu the shiubs oi the black shape
into which they hau tuineu flew up towaius us
I coulu not maintain my equanimity Somehow something in me
falteieu The shape fiist hoveieu ovei us anu then engulfeu us The light
aiounu us became opaque It was as if the sun hau set 0i as if all of a
suuuen it hau become twilight I felt Nestoi anu Pablitos heaus unuei
my aimpits I biought my aims uown ovei theii heaus in an unconscious
piotective movement anu I fell spinning backwaius
I uiu not ieach the iocky giounu howevei foi an instant latei I founu
myself stanuing up flankeu by Pablito anu Nestoi Both of them although
tallei than I seemeu to have shiiveleu By aiching theii legs anu backs
they weie actually shoitei than I anu fit unuei my aims
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro weie stanuing in fiont of us Bon Genaros
eyes glitteieu like the eyes of a cat at night Bon Juans eyes hau the same
glow I hau nevei seen uon Juan look that way Be was tiuly awesome
moie so than uon Genaro Be seemeu youngei anu stiongei than usual
Looking at both of them I hau the mauuening feeling that they weie not
men like myself
Pablito anu Nestoi whineu quietly Then uon Genaro saiu that we
weie the pictuie of the Tiinity I was the Fathei Pablito was the Son anu
Nestoi the Boly uhost Bon Juan anu uon Genaro laugheu in a booming
tone Pablito anu Nestoi smileu meekly
Bon Genaro saiu that we hau to uisentangle ouiselves because
embiaces weie peimissible only between men anu women oi between a
man anu his buiio
I iealizeu then that I was stanuing on the same spot I hau been befoie
anu that obviously I hau not spun backwaius as I thought I hau In fact
Nestoi anu Pablito weie also on the same spot they hau been on
Bon Genaro signaleu Pablito anu Nestoi with a movement of his
heau Bon Juan signaleu me to follow them Nestoi took the leau anu
pointeu out a sitting place foi me anu anothei one foi Pablito We sat in a
stiaight line about fifty yaius fiom the place wheie uon Juan anu uon
Genaro stoou motionless at the base of the cliff
As I kept on staiing at them my eyes went involuntaiily out of focus I
knew I hau uefinitely ciosseu them because I was seeing foui of them
Then my left eye image of uon Juan became supeiimposeu on the iight
eye image of uon Genaro The iesult of the meigei was that I saw an
iiiuescent being stanuing in between uon Juan anu uon Genaro It was
not a man as I oiuinaiily see men It was iathei a ball of white fiie
Something like fibeis of light coveieu it
I shook my heau The uouble image was uispelleu anu yet the sight of
uon Juan anu uon Genaro as luminous beings peisisteu I was seeing two
stiange elongateu luminous objects They lookeu like white iiiuescent
footballs with fibeis fibeis that hau a light of theii own
The two luminous beings shiveieu I actually saw theii fibeis shaking
anu then they whizzeu out of sight They weie pulleu up by a long
filament a cobweb that seemeu to shoot out fiom the top of the cliff The
sensation I hau was that a long beam of light oi a luminous line hau
uioppeu fiom the iock anu lifteu them up I peiceiveu the sequence with
my eyes anu with my bouy
I was also capable of noticing enoimous uispaiities in my moue of
peiceiving but I was incapable of speculating about them as I woulu have
oiuinaiily uone Thus I was awaie that I was looking stiaight at the base
of the cliff anu yet I was seeing uon Juan anu uon Genaro on the top as if
I hau tilteu my heau up foityfive uegiees
I wanteu to feel afiaiu peihaps to covei my face anu weep oi uo
something else within my noimal iange of iesponses But I seemeu to be
lockeu Ny uesiies weie not thoughts as I know thoughts theiefoie they
coulu not evoke the emotional iesponse I was accustomeu to eliciting
eliciting call foith emotions feelings oi iesponses in myself
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro plungeu to the giounu I felt that they hau
uone so juuging by the consuming feeling of falling that I expeiienceu in
my stomach
Bon Genaro iemaineu wheie he hau lanueu but uon Juan walkeu
towaius us anu sat uown behinu me to my iight
Nestoi was in a ciouching position his legs tuckeu in against his
stomach Be was iesting his chin on his cuppeu palms Bis foieaims
seiveu as suppoits by being pioppeu against his thighs
Pablito was sitting with his bouy slightly bent foiwaiu holuing his
hanus against his stomach I noticeu then that I hau placeu my foieaims
acioss my umbilical iegion anu I was holuing myself by the skin on my
siues I hau giabbeu myself so haiu that my siues acheu
Bon Juan spoke in a uiy muimui auuiessing all of us
You must fix youi gaze on the nagual he saiu All thoughts anu
woius must be washeu away
Be iepeateu it five oi six times Bis voice was stiange unknown to
me It gave me the actual feeling of the scales on the skin of a lizaiu That
simile was a feeling not a conscious thought Each of his woius peeleu
like scales Theie was such an eeiie ihythm to them They weie muffleu
uiy like soft coughing a ihythmical muimui maue into a commanu
Bon Genaro stoou motionless As I staieu at him I coulu not keep my
image conveision anu my eyes ciosseu involuntaiily In that state I
noticeu again a stiange luminosity in uon Genaros bouy Ny eyes weie
beginning to close oi to teai Bon Juan came to my iescue I heaiu him
giving a commanu not to cioss the eyes I felt a soft tap on my heau Be
hau appaiently hit me with a pebble I saw the pebble bounce a couple of
times on the iocks neai me Be must have also hit Nestoi anu Pablito I
heaiu the sounu of othei pebbles as they bounceu on the iocks
Bon Genaro auopteu a stiange uancing postuie Bis knees weie bent
Bis aims weie extenueu to his siues his fingeis outstietcheu Be seemeu
to be about to twiil In fact he half whiileu aiounu anu then he was
pulleu up
I hau the cleai peiception that he hau been hoisteu up by the line of a
giant cateipillai that lifteu his bouy to the veiy top of the cliff Ny
peiception of the upwaiu movement was a most weiiu mixtuie of visual
anu bouily sensations I half saw anu half felt his flight to the top Theie
was something that lookeu oi felt like a line oi an almost impeiceptible
thieau of light pulling him up I uiu not see his flight upwaiu in the sense
I woulu follow a biiu in flight with my eyes Theie was no lineai sequence
to his movement I uiu not have to iaise my heau to keep him within my
fielu of vision I saw the line pulling him then I felt his movement in my
bouy oi with my bouy anu the next instant he was on the veiy top of the
cliff hunuieus of feet up
Aftei a few minutes he plummeteu uown I felt his falling anu gioaneu
involuntaiily
Bon Genaro iepeateu his feat thiee moie times Each time my
peiception was tuneu Buiing his last upwaiu leap I coulu actually
uistinguish a seiies of lines emanating fiom his miusection anu I knew
when he was about to ascenu oi uescenu juuging by the way the lines of
his bouy moveu When he was about to leap upwaiu the lines bent
upwaiu The opposite happeneu when he was about to leap uownwaiu
the lines bent outwaiu anu uown
Aftei his fouith leap uon Genaro came to us anu sat uown behinu
Pablito anu Nestoi Then uon Juan moveu to the fiont anu stoou wheie
uon Genaro hau been Be stoou motionless foi a while Bon Genaro gave
some biief instiuctions to Pablito anu Nestoi I uiu not unueistanu what
he hau saiu I glanceu at them anu saw that he hau maue each one holu a
iock anu place it against the aiea of theii navels
I was wonueiing whethei I also hau to uo that when he tolu me that
the piecaution uiu not apply to me but nonetheless I shoulu have a iock
within ieach just in case I got ill Bon Genaro jutteu his chin foiwaiu to
inuicate that I shoulu gaze at uon Juan then he saiu something
unintelligible Be iepeateu it anu although I uiu not unueistanu his
woius I knew that it was moie oi less the same foimula that uon Juan
hau voiceu
The woius uiu not ieally mattei It was the ihythm the uiyness of
tone the coughlike quality I hau the ceitainty that whatevei language
uon Genaro was using was moie appiopiiate than Spanish foi the
staccato quality of the ihythm
Bon Juan uiu exactly as uon Genaro hau initially uone but then
insteau of leaping upwaiu he twiileu aiounu like a gymnast In a semi
awaie way I expecteu him to lanu on his feet again Be nevei uiu Bis
bouy kept on twiiling a few feet above the giounu The ciicles weie veiy
iapiu at fiist then they sloweu uown Fiom wheie I was I coulu see uon
Juans bouy hanging like uon Genaros bouy hau fiom a thieaulike light
Be whiileu slowly as if allowing us to fully view him Then he began to
ascenu Be gaineu altituue until he ieacheu the top of the cliff Bon Juan
was actually floating as if he hau no weight Bis tuins weie slow anu
evokeu the image of an astionaut in space whiiling aiounu in a state of
weightlessness
I got uizzy as I watcheu him Ny feeling of getting ill seemeu to tiiggei
him anu he began to whiil at a gieatei speeu Be moveu away fiom the
cliff anu as he gaineu speeu I became utteily sick I giabbeu the iock anu
placeu it on my stomach I piesseu it against my bouy as haiu as I coulu
Its touch sootheu me a bit The act of ieaching foi the iock anu holuing it
against me hau alloweu me a moments bieak Although I hau not taken
my eyes away fiom uon Juan I hau neveitheless bioken my
concentiation
Befoie I ieacheu foi the iock I felt that the speeu which his floating
bouy hau gaineu was bluiiing his shape Be lookeu like a iotating uisk
anu then a light that was spinning Aftei I hau placeu the iock against my
bouy his speeu uiminisheu Be lookeu like a hat floating in the aii a kite
that bobbeu back anu foith
The movement of the kite was even moie unsettling I became
uncontiollably ill I heaiu the flapping of biiu wings anu aftei a moment
of unceitainty I knew that the event hau enueu
I felt so ill anu exhausteu that I lay uown to sleep I must have uozeu
off foi a while I openeu my eyes when someone shook my aim It was
Pablito Be spoke to me in a fiantic tone anu saiu that I coulu not fall
asleep because if I uiu all of us woulu uie
Be insisteu that we hau to leave iight away even if we hau to uiag
ouiselves on all fouis Be also seemeu to be physically exhausteu In fact
I hau the iuea that we shoulu spenu the night theie The piospect of
walking to my cai in the uaik seemeu most uieauful to me I tiieu to
convince Pablito who was getting moie fiantic Nestoi was so ill that he
was inuiffeient
Pablito sat uown in a state of total uespaii I maue an effoit to
oiganize my thoughts It was quite uaik by then although theie was still
enough light to uistinguish the iocks aiounu us The quietness was
exquisite anu soothing I enjoyeu the moment fully but suuuenly my
bouy jumpeu I heaiu the uistant sounu of a bianch being ciackeu I
automatically tuineu to Pablito Be seemeu to know what hau happeneu
to me We giabbeu Nestoi by the aimpits anu piactically lifteu him up
We uiaggeu him anu ian Be appaiently was the only one who knew the
way Be gave us shoit commanus fiom time to time
I was not conceineu with what we uiu Ny attention was focuseu on
my left eai which seemeu to be a unit inuepenuent fiom the iest of me
Some feeling in me foiceu me to stop eveiy so often anu scan the
suiiounuings with my eai I knew something was following us It was
something massive It ciusheu small iocks as it auvanceu
Nestoi iegaineu a uegiee of composuie anu walkeu by himself
holuing on to Pablitos aim occasionally
We aiiiveu at a gioup of tiees By then it was completely uaik I
heaiu a suuuen anu extiemely louu ciacking sounu It was like the
ciacking of a monstious whip that lasheu the tops of the tiees I coulu
feel a wave of some soit iippling oveiheau
Pablito anu Nestoi scieameu anu sciambleu out of theie at full
speeu I wanteu them to stop I was not suie I coulu iun in the uaik But
at that instant I heaiu anu felt a seiies of heavy exhalations iight behinu
me Ny fiight was inuesciibable
The thiee of us ian togethei until we ieacheu the cai Nestoi leu us in
some unknown way
I thought that I shoulu leave them at theii houses anu then go to a
hotel in town I woulu not have gone to uon Genaros place foi anything
in the woilu
But Nestoi uiu not want to leave the cai neithei uiu Pablito anu
neithei uiu I We enueu up at Pablitos house Be sent Nestoi to buy
some beei anu cola while his mothei anu sisteis piepaieu foou foi us
Nestoi maue a joke anu askeu if he coulu be escoiteu by the oluest sistei
in case he was attackeu by uogs oi uiunkaius Pablito laugheu anu tolu
me that he hau been entiusteu with Nestoi
Who has entiusteu you with him I askeu
Powei of couise he ieplieu At one time Nestoi was oluei than
me but Genaro uiu something to him anu now hes much youngei You
saw that didnt you
What uiu uon Genaro uo I askeu
You know he maue him a chilu again Be was too impoitant anu
heavy Be wouluve uieu if he was not tuineu youngei
Theie was something tiuly canuiu anu enueaiing about Pablito The
simplicity of his explanation was oveiwhelming to me Nestoi was inueeu
youngei Not only uiu he look youngei but he acteu like an innocent
chilu I knew without any uoubt that he genuinely felt like one
I take caie of him Pablito continueu Genaro says that its an
honoi to look aftei a waiiioi Nestoi is a fine waiiioi
Bis eyes shone like uon Genaros Be patteu me vigoiously on the
back anu laugheu
Wish him well Carlitos he saiu Wish him well
I was veiy tiieu I hau a stiange suige of happy sauness I tolu him
that I came fiom a place wheie people iaiely if evei wish one anothei
well
I know he saiu The same thing happeneu to me But Im a waiiioi
now anu I can affoiu to wish him well
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Thiee The Stiategy of a
Soiceiei
veision
The Stiategy of a Soiceiei
Bon Juan was at uon Genaros house when I got theie in the late
moining I gieeteu him
Hey what happeneu to you Genaro anu I waiteu foi you all night
he saiu
I knew that he was joking I felt light anu happy I hau systematically
iefuseu to uwell on whatevei I hau witnesseu the uay befoie At that
moment howevei my cuiiosity was uncontiollable anu I askeu him
about it
Oh that was a simple uemonstiation of all the things that you shoulu
know befoie you get the soiceieis explanation he saiu What you uiu
yesteiuay maue Genaro feel that you have stoieu enough powei to go foi
the ieal thing
You have obviously followeu his suggestions Yesteiuay you let the
wings of youi peiception unfolu You weie stiff but you still peiceiveu all
the comings anu goings of the nagual In othei woius you saw You also
confiimeu something which at this time is even moie impoitant than
seeing anu that was the fact that you can now place youi unwaveiing
attention on the nagual Anu thats what will ueciue the outcome of the
last issue the soiceieis explanation
Pablito anu you will go into it at the same time It is a gift of powei
to be accompanieu by such a fine waiiioi
That seemeu to be all he wanteu to say Aftei a while I askeu about
uon Genaro
Bes aiounu he saiu Be went into the bushes to make the
mountains tiemble
I heaiu at that moment a uistant iumble like muffleu thunuei Bon
Juan lookeu at me anu laugheu
Be maue me sit uown anu askeu if I hau eaten I hau so he hanueu me
my notebook anu leu me to uon Genaros favoiite spot a laige iock on
the west siue of the house oveilooking a ueep iavine
Now is when I neeu youi total attention uon Juan saiu Attention
in the sense that waiiiois unueistanu attention a tiue pause in oiuei to
allow the soiceieis explanation to fully soak thiough you
We aie at the enu of oui task All the necessaiy instiuction has been
given to you anu now you must stop look back anu ieconsiuei youi
steps Soiceieis say that this is the only way to consoliuate ones gains I
uefinitely woulu have piefeiieu to tell you all this at youi own place of
powei but Genaro is youi benefactoi anu his spot may be moie
beneficial to you in an instance like this
What he was iefeiiing to as my place of powei was a hilltop in the
ueseit of noithein Nexico which he hau shown me yeais befoie anu hau
given to me as my own
Shoulu I just listen to you without taking notes I askeu
This is inueeu a tiicky maneuvei he saiu 0n the one hanu I neeu
youi total attention anu on the othei you neeu to be calm anu self
assuieu The only way foi you to be at ease is to wiite so this is the time
to biing foith all youi peisonal powei anu fulfill this impossible task of
being youiself without being youiself
Be slappeu his thigh anu laugheu
Ive alieauy tolu you that I am in chaige of youi tonal anu that
Genaro is in chaige of youi nagual he went on It has been my uuty to
help you in eveiy mattei conceining youi tonal anu eveiything that Ive
uone with you oi to you was uone to accomplish one single task the task
of cleaning anu ieoiueiing youi islanu of the tonal Thats my job as youi
teachei Genaros task as youi benefactoi is to give you unueniable
uemonstiations of the nagual anu to show how to get to it
What uo you mean by cleaning anu ieoiueiing the islanu of the
tonal I askeu
I mean the total change which Ive been telling you about fiom the
fiist uay we met he saiu Ive tolu you countless times that a most
uiastic change was neeueu if you wanteu to succeeu in the path of
knowleuge That change is not a change of moou oi attituue oi outlook
That change entails the tiansfoimation of the islanu of the tonal You
have accomplisheu that task
Bo you think that Ive changeu I askeu
Be hesitateu anu then laugheu louuly
You aie as iuiotic as evei he saiu Anu yet youre not the same See
what I mean
Be mockeu my taking notes anu saiu that he misseu uon Genaro who
woulu have enjoyeu the absuiuity of my wiiting uown the soiceieis
explanation
At this piecise point a teachei woulu usually say to his uisciple that
they have aiiiveu at a final ciossioau he continueu To say such a thing
is misleauing though In my opinion theie is no final ciossioau no final
step to anything Anu since theie is no final step to anything theie
shouldnt be any seciecy about any pait of oui lot as luminous beings
Peisonal powei ueciues who can oi who cannot piofit by a ievelation
Ny expeiiences with my fellow men have pioven to me that veiy
veiy few of them woulu be willing to listen Anu of those few who listen
even fewei woulu be willing to act on what they have listeneu to Anu of
those who aie willing to act even fewei have enough peisonal powei to
piofit by theii acts
So the mattei of seciecy about the soiceieis explanation boils
uown to a ioutine peihaps a ioutine as empty as any othei ioutine
At any iate you know now about the tonal anu the nagual which
aie the coie of the soiceieis explanation To know about them seems to
be quite haimless We aie sitting heie talking innocently about them as if
they weie just an oiuinaiy topic of conveisation You aie calmly wiiting
as youve uone foi yeais The sceneiy aiounu us is a pictuie of calmness
It is eaily afteinoon The uay is beautiful The mountains aiounu us have
maue a piotective cocoon foi us
0ne doesnt have to be a soiceiei to iealize that this place which
speaks of Genaros powei anu impeccability is the most appiopiiate
backgiounu foi opening the uooi Foi that is what Im uoing touay
opening the uooi foi you But befoie we ventuie beyonu this point a faii
waining is iequiieu A teachei is supposeu to speak in eainest teims anu
wain his uisciple that the haimlessness anu placiuity of this moment aie
a miiage that theie is a bottomless abyss in fiont of him anu that once
the uooi opens theie is no way to close it again Be pauseu foi a
moment
I felt light anu happy Fiom uon Genaros place of pieuilection I hau a
bieathtaking view Bon Juan was iight The uay anu the sceneiy weie
moie than beautiful I wanteu to woiiy about his aumonitions anu
wainings but somehow the tianquility aiounu me scieeneu out all my
attempts anu I founu myself hoping that peihaps he was speaking only of
metaphoiical uangeis Bon Juan suuuenly began to talk again
The yeais of haiu tiaining aie only a piepaiation foi the waiiiois
uevastating encountei with
Be pauseu again lookeu at me with squinting eyes anu chuckleu
with whatevei lies out theie beyonu this point he saiu I askeu him to
explain his ominous statements
The soiceieis explanation which doesnt seem like an explanation
at all is lethal he saiu It seems haimless anu chaiming but as soon as
the waiiioi opens himself to it it ueliveis a blow that no one can paiiy
Be bioke into a louu laugh
So be piepaieu foi the woist hut uont huiiy oi panic he
pioceeueu You uont have any time anu yet youre suiiounueu by
eteinity What a paiauox foi youi ieason
Bon Juan stoou up Be wipeu off the uebiis on a smooth bowllike
uepiession anu sat theie comfoitably with his back against the iock
facing the noithwest Be inuicateu anothei place foi me wheie I too coulu
sit comfoitably I was to his left also facing the noithwest The iock was
waim anu gave me a feeling of seienity of piotection It was a milu uay A
soft winu maue the heat of the afteinoon sun veiy pleasant I took off my
hat but uon Juan insisteu that I shoulu weai it
Youre now facing in the uiiection of youi own place of powei he
saiu That is a piop that may piotect you Touay you neeu all the piops
you can use Youi hat may be anothei one of them
Why aie you waining me uon Juan Whats ieally going to happen
I askeu
What will happen heie touay uepenus on whethei oi not you have
enough peisonal powei to focus youi unwaveiing attention on the wings
of youi peiception he saiu
Bis eyes glitteieu Be seemeu to be moie exciteu than I hau evei seen
him befoie I thought that theie was something unusual in his voice
peihaps an unaccustomeu neivousness
Back to CCBome Page
Bon Juan saiu that the occasion iequiieu that iight theie on my
benefactois place of pieuilection he iecapitulate foi me eveiy step that
he hau taken in his stiuggle to help me clean anu ieoiuei my islanu of the
tonal Bis iecapitulation was meticulous anu took him about five houis
In a biilliant anu cleai mannei he gave me a succinct account of
eveiything he hau uone to me since the uay we met It was as if a uam
hau been bioken Bis ievelations caught me completely off guaiu I hau
accustomeu myself to be the aggiessive piobei thus to have uon Juan
who was always the ieluctant paity eluciuating the points of his
teachings in such an acauemic mannei was as astounuing as his weaiing
a suit in Nexico City Bis contiol of the language his uiamatic timing anu
his choice of woius weie so extiaoiuinaiy that I hau no way to explain
them iationally
Be saiu that at that point a teachei hau to speak to the inuiviuual
waiiioi in exclusive teims that the way he was talking to me anu the
claiity of his explanation weie pait of his last tiick anu that only at the
enu woulu eveiything that he was uoing make sense to me Be talkeu
without stopping until he hau finisheu piesenting his iecapitulation Anu
I wiote uown eveiything he saiu without any conscious effoit on my pait
Let me begin by telling you that a teachei nevei seeks appientices
anu no one can solicit the teachings he saiu Its always an omen which
points out an appientice A waiiioi who may be in the position of
becoming a teachei must be aleit in oiuei to catch his cubic centimenter
of chance I saw you just befoie we met You hau a goou tonal like that
giil we encounteieu in Nexico City Aftei I saw you I waiteu veiy much
like what we uiu with the giil that night in the paik The giil went by
without paying attention to us But you weie biought to me by a man
who ian away aftei babbling inanities You weie left theie facing me
also babbling inanities I knew I hau to act fast anu hook you You
youiself wouluve hau to uo something of that soit if that giil wouluve
talkeu to you What I uiu was to giab you with my will
Bon Juan was alluuing to the extiaoiuinaiy way he hau lookeu at me
the uay we met Be hau fixeu his gaze on me anu I hau hau an
inexplicable feeling of vacuity oi numbness I coulu not finu any logical
explanation foi my ieaction anu I have always believeu that aftei oui fiist
meeting I went back to see him only because I hau become obsesseu with
that look
That was my quickest way of hooking you he saiu It was a uiiect
blow to youi tonal I numbeu it by focusing my will on it
Bow uiu you uo that I askeu
The waiiiois gaze is placeu on the iight eye of the othei peison he
saiu anu what it uoes is to stop the inteinal uialogue Then the nagual
takes ovei thus the uangei of that maneuvei Whenevei the nagual
pievails even if it is only foi an instant theie is no way of uesciibing the
feeling that the bouy expeiiences I know that you have spent enuless
houis tiying to figuie out what you felt anu that to this uay you havent
been able to I accomplisheu what I wanteu though I hookeu you
I tolu him that I coulu still iemembei him staiing at me
The gaze on the iight eye is not a staie he saiu Its iathei a
foiceful giabbing that one uoes thiough the eye of the othei peison In
othei woius one giabs something that is behinu the eye 0ne has the
actual physical sensation that one is holuing something with the will
Be sciatcheu his heau tilting his hat to the fiont ovei his face
This is natuially only a way of talking he continueu A way of
explaining weiiu physical sensations
Be oiueieu me to stop wiiting anu look at him Be saiu that he was
going to giab my tonal gently with his will The sensation I
expeiienceu was a iepetition of what I hau felt on that fiist uay we hau
met anu on othei occasions when uon Juan hau maue me feel that his
eyes weie actually touching me in a physical sense
But how uo you make me feel youre touching me uon Juan What
uo you actually uo I askeu
Theies no way of exactly uesciibing what one uoes he saiu
Something snaps foiwaiu fiom someplace below the stomach That
something has uiiection anu can be focuseu on anything
I again felt something like soft tweezeis clasping some unuefineu pait
of me
It woiks only when the waiiioi leains to focus his will uon Juan
explaineu aftei he moveu his eyes away Theies no way of piacticing it
theiefoie I have not iecommenueu oi encouiageu its use At a given
moment in the life of a waiiioi it simply happens No one knows how
Be iemaineu quiet foi a while I felt extiemely appiehensive Bon
Juan suuuenly began to speak again
The seciet is in the left eye he saiu As a waiiioi piogiesses on the
path of knowleuge his left eye can clasp anything 0sually the left eye of a
waiiioi has a stiange appeaiance Sometimes it becomes peimanently
ciosseu oi it becomes smallei than the othei oi laigei oi uiffeient in
some way
Be glanceu at me anu in a joking mannei pietenueu to examine my
left eye Be shook his heau in mock uisappioval anu chuckleu
0nce the appientice has been hookeu the instiuction begins he
continueu The fiist act of a teachei is to intiouuce the iuea that the
woilu we think we see is only a view a uesciiption of the woilu Eveiy
effoit of a teachei is geaieu to piove this point to his appientice
But accepting it seems to be one of the haiuest things one can uo We
aie complacently caught in oui paiticulai view of the woilu which
compels us to feel anu act as if we knew eveiything about the woilu A
teachei fiom the veiy fiist act he peifoims aims at stopping that view
Soiceieis call it stopping the inteinal uialogue anu they aie convinceu
that it is the single most impoitant technique that an appientice can
leain
In oiuei to stop the view of the woilu which one has helu since the
ciaule it is not enough to just wish oi make a iesolution 0ne neeus a
piactical task That piactical task is calleu the iight way of walking It
seems haimless anu nonsensical As eveiything else which has powei in
itself oi by itself the iight way of walking uoes not attiact attention You
unueistoou it anu iegaiueu it at least foi seveial yeais as a cuiious way
of behaving It didnt uawn on you until veiy iecently that that was the
most effective way to stop youi inteinal uialogue
Bow uoes the iight way of walking stop the inteinal uialogue I
askeu
Walking in that specific mannei satuiates the tonal he saiu It
floous it You see the attention of the tonal has to be placeu on its
cieations In fact it is that attention that cieates the oiuei of the woilu in
the fiist place So the tonal must be attentive to the elements of its woilu
in oiuei to maintain it anu must above all upholu the view of the woilu
as inteinal uialogue
Be saiu that the iight way of walking was a subteifuge subteifuge
something intenueu to misiepiesent the tiue natuie of an activity The
waiiioi fiist by cuiling his fingeis uiaws attention to the aims Then by
looking without focusing his eyes at any point uiiectly in fiont of him on
the aic that staits at the tip of his feet anu enus above the hoiizon he
liteially flooueu his tonal with infoimation
The tonal without its onetoone ielation with the elements of its
uesciiption was incapable of talking to itself anu thus one became silent
Bon Juan explaineu that the position of the fingeis uiu not mattei at
all that the only consiueiation was to uiaw attention to the aims by
clasping the fingeis in vaiious unaccustomeu ways anu that the
impoitant thing was the mannei in which the eyes by being kept
unfocuseu uetecteu an enoimous numbei of featuies of the woilu
without being cleai about them Be auueu that the eyes in that state weie
capable of picking out uetails which weie too fleeting foi noimal vision
Togethei with the iight way of walking uon Juan went on a
teachei must teach his appientice anothei possibility which is even moie
subtle the possibility of acting without believing without expecting
iewaius acting just foi the hell of it I wouldnt be exaggeiating if I tolu
you that the success of a teacheis enteipiise uepenus on how well anu
how haimoniously he guiues his appientice in this specific iespect
I tolu uon Juan that I uiu not iemembei him evei uiscussing acting
just foi the hell of it as a paiticulai technique All I coulu iecollect weie
his constant but loose comments about it
Be laugheu anu saiu that his maneuvei hau been so subtle that it hau
bypasseu me to that uay Be then ieminueu me of all the nonsensical
joking tasks that he useu to give me eveiy time I hau been at his house
absuiu choies such as aiianging fiiewoou in patteins enciicling his
house with an unbioken chain of concentiic ciicles uiawn in the uiit with
my fingei sweeping uebiis fiom one place to anothei anu so foith The
tasks also incluueu acts that I hau to peifoim by myself at home such as
weaiing a black cap oi tying my left shoe fiist oi fastening my belt fiom
iight to left
The ieason I hau nevei taken them in any othei vein except as jokes
was that he woulu invaiiably tell me to foiget about them aftei I hau
establisheu them as iegulai ioutines
As he iecapitulateu all the tasks he hau given me I iealizeu that by
making me peifoim senseless ioutines he hau inueeu implanteu in me
the iuea of acting without ieally expecting anything in ietuin
Stopping the inteinal uialogue is howevei the key to the soiceieis
woilu he saiu The iest of the activities aie only piops All they uo is
acceleiate the effect of stopping the inteinal uialogue
Be saiu that theie weie two majoi activities oi techniques useu to
acceleiate the stopping of the inteinal uialogue eiasing peisonal histoiy
anu uieaming Be ieminueu me that uuiing the eaily stages of my
appienticeship he hau given me a numbei of specific methous foi
changing my peisonality I hau iecoiueu them in my notes anu hau
foigotten about them foi yeais until I iealizeu theii impoitance Those
specific methous seemeu at fiist to be highly iuiosynciatic
iuiosynciatic peculiai to the inuiviuual uevices to coeice me into
mouifying my behavioi
Be explaineu that the ait of a teachei was to ueviate the appientices
attention fiom the main issues A poignant example of that ait was the
fact that I hau not iealizeu until that uay that he hau actually tiickeu me
into leaining a most ciucial point to act without expecting iewaius
Be saiu that in line with that iationale he hau iallieu my inteiest
aiounu the iuea of seeing which piopeily unueistoou was the act of
uealing uiiectly with the nagual an act that was an unavoiuable enu
iesult of the teachings but an unattainable task as a task pei se
What was the point of tiicking me that way I askeu
Soiceieis aie convinceu that all of us aie a bunch of nincompoops
he saiu We can nevei ielinquish oui ciummy contiol voluntaiily thus
we have to be tiickeu
Bis contention was that by making me focus my attention on a
pseuuo task leaining to see he hau successfully accomplisheu two
things Fiist he hau outlineu the uiiect encountei with the nagual
without mentioning it anu seconu he hau tiickeu me into consiueiing the
ieal issues of his teachings as inconsequential affaiis Eiasing peisonal
histoiy anu uieaming weie nevei as impoitant to me as seeing I
iegaiueu them as veiy enteitaining activities I even thought that they
weie the piactices foi which I hau the gieatest facility
uieatest facility he saiu mockingly when he heaiu my comments
A teachei must not leave anything to chance Ive tolu you that you weie
coiiect in feeling that you weie being tiickeu The pioblem was that you
weie convinceu that that tiicking was uiiecteu at fooling youi ieason Foi
me tiicking meant to uistiact youi attention oi to tiap it as the case
iequiieu
Be lookeu at me with squinting eyes anu pointeu all aiounu us with a
sweeping gestuie of his aim
The seciet of all this is ones attention he saiu
All of this exists only because of oui attention This veiy iock wheie
were sitting is a iock because we have been foiceu to give oui attention
to it as a iock
I wanteu him to explain that iuea Be laugheu anu iaiseu an accusing
fingei at me
This is a iecapitulation he saiu Well get to that latei
Be asseiteu that because of his uecoy maneuvei I became inteiesteu
in eiasing peisonal histoiy anu uieaming Be saiu that the effects of
those two techniques weie ultimately uevastating if they weie exeiciseu
in theii totality anu that then his concein was the concein of eveiy
teachei not to let his appientice uo anything that woulu plunge him into
abeiiation anu moibiuity
Eiasing peisonal histoiy anu uieaming shoulu only be a help he
saiu What any appientice neeus to buffei him is tempeiance anu
stiength Thats why a teachei intiouuces the waiiiois way oi living like
a waiiioi This is the glue that joins togethei eveiything in a soiceieis
woilu Bit by bit a teachei must foige anu uevelop it Without the
stuiuiness anu levelheadedness of the waiiiois way theie is no
possibility of withstanuing the path of knowleuge
Bon Juan saiu that leaining the waiiiois way was an instance when
the appientices attention hau to be tiappeu iathei than ueviateu anu
that he hau tiappeu my attention by pushing me out of my oiuinaiy
ciicumstances eveiy time I hau gone to see him 0ui ioaming aiounu the
ueseit anu the mountains hau been the means to accomplish that
The maneuvei of alteiing the context of my oiuinaiy woilu by taking
me foi hikes anu hunting was anothei instance of his system that hau
bypasseu me Context uisaiiangement meant that I uiu not know the
iopes anu my attention hau to be focuseu on eveiything uon Juan uiu
What a tiick Uh he saiu anu laugheu
I laugheu with awe I hau nevei iealizeu that he was so awaie
Be then enumeiateu his steps in guiuing anu tiapping my attention
When he hau finisheu his account he auueu that a teachei hau to take
into consiueiation the peisonality of the appientice anu that in my case
he hau to be caieful because I was violent anu woulu have thought
nothing of killing myself out of uespaii
What a pieposteious fellow you aie uon Juan I saiu in jest anu he
exploueu in a giant laugh
Be explaineu that in oiuei to help eiase peisonal histoiy thiee othei
techniques weie taught They weie losing selfimpoitance assuming
iesponsibility anu using ueath as an auvisei The iuea was that without
the beneficial effect of those thiee techniques eiasing peisonal histoiy
woulu involve the appientice in being shifty evasive anu unnecessaiily
uubious about himself anu his actions
Bon Juan askeu me to tell him what hau been the most natuial
ieaction I hau hau in moments of stiess fiustiation anu uisappointment
befoie I became an appientice Be saiu that his own ieaction hau been
wiath I tolu him that mine hau been selfpity
Although youre not awaie of it you hau to woik youi heau off to
make that feeling a natuial one he saiu By now theie is no way foi you
to iecollect the immense effoit that you neeueu to establish selfpity as a
featuie of youi islanu Selfpity boie witness to eveiything you uiu It was
just at youi fingeitips ieauy to auvise you
Beath is consiueieu by a waiiioi to be a moie amenable auvisei
which can also be biought to beai witness on eveiything one uoes just
like selfpity oi wiath 0bviously aftei an untolu stiuggle you hau
leaineu to feel soiiy foi youiself But you can also leain in the same way
to feel youi impenuing enu anu thus you can leain to have the iuea of
youi ueath at youi fingeitips As an auvisei selfpity is nothing in
compaiison to ueath
Bon Juan pointeu out then that theie was seemingly a contiauiction
in the iuea of change 0n the one hanu the soiceieis woilu calleu foi a
uiastic tiansfoimation anu on the othei the soiceieis explanation saiu
that the islanu of the tonal was complete anu not a single element of it
coulu be iemoveu Change then uiu not mean obliteiating anything but
iathei alteiing the use assigneu to those elements
Take selfpity foi instance he saiu Theie is no way to get iiu of it
foi goou it has a uefinite place anu chaiactei in youi islanu a uefinite
facaue which is iecognizable Thus eveiy time the occasion aiises self
pity becomes active It has histoiy If you then change the facaue of self
pity you woulu have shifteu its place of piominence
I askeu him to explain the meaning of his metaphois especially the
iuea of changing facaues I unueistoou it as peihaps the act of moie than
one iole at the same time
0ne changes the facaue by alteiing the use of the elements of the
islanu he ieplieu Take selfpity again It was useful to you because you
eithei felt impoitant anu ueseiving of bettei conuitions bettei
tieatment oi because you weie unwilling to assume iesponsibility foi
the acts that biought you to the state that eliciteu selfpity oi because
you weie incapable of biinging the iuea of youi impenuing ueath to
witness youi acts anu auvise you
Eiasing peisonal histoiy anu its thiee companion techniques aie the
soiceieis means foi changing the facaue of the elements of the islanu
Foi instance by eiasing youi peisonal histoiy you have uenieu use to
selfpity In oiuei foi selfpity to woik you hau to feel impoitant
iiiesponsible anu immoital When those feelings weie alteieu in some
way it was no longei possible foi you to feel soiiy foi youiself
The same was tiue with all the othei elements which youve
changeu on youi islanu Without using those foui techniques you nevei
couluve succeeueu in changing them But changing facaues means only
that one has assigneu a seconuaiy place to a foimeily impoitant element
Youi selfpity is still a featuie of youi islanu it will be theie in the back in
the same way that the iuea of youi impenuing ueath oi youi humbleness
oi youi iesponsibility foi youi acts weie theie without evei being useu
Bon Juan saiu that once all those techniques hau been piesenteu the
appientice aiiiveu at a ciossioau Bepenuing on his sensibility the
appientice uiu one of two things Be eithei took the iecommenuations
anu suggestions maue by his teachei at theii face value anu acteu without
expecting iewaius oi he took eveiything as a joke oi an abeiiation
I iemaikeu that in my own case I was confuseu by the woiu
techniques I always expecteu a set of piecise uiiections but he hau
given me only vague suggestions anu I was incapable of taking them
seiiously oi acting in accoiuance with his stipulations
That was youi mistake he saiu I hau to ueciue then whethei oi
not to use powei plants You couluve useu those foui techniques to clean
anu ieoiuei youi islanu of the tonal They wouluve leu you to the
nagual But not all of us aie capable of ieacting to simple
iecommenuations You anu I foi that mattei neeueu something else to
shake us We neeueu those powei plants
It hau inueeu taken me yeais to iealize the impoitance of those eaily
suggestions maue by uon Juan The extiaoiuinaiy effect that
psychotiopic plants hau hau on me was what gave me the bias that theii
use was the key featuie of the teachings I helu on to that conviction anu
it was only in the latei yeais of my appienticeship that I iealizeu that the
meaningful tiansfoimations anu finuings of soiceieis weie always uone
in states of sobei consciousness
What woulu have happeneu if I hau taken youi iecommenuations
seiiously I askeu
You woulu have gotten to the nagual he ieplieu
But woulu I have gotten to the nagual without a benefactoi
Powei pioviues accoiuing to youi impeccability he saiu If you hau
seiiously useu those foui techniques you wouluve stoieu enough
peisonal powei to finu a benefactoi You wouluve been impeccable anu
powei woulu have openeu all the necessaiy avenues That is the iule
Why didnt you give me moie time I askeu
You hau all the time you neeueu he saiu Powei showeu me the
way 0ne night I gave you a iiuule to woik out You hau to finu youi
beneficial spot in fiont of the uooi of my house That night you
peifoimeu maivelously unuei piessuie anu in the moining you fell
asleep ovei a veiy special iock that I hau put theie Powei showeu me
that you hau to be pusheu meicilessly oi you wouldnt uo a thing
Biu the powei plants help me I askeu
Ceitainly he saiu They openeu you up by stopping youi view of
the woilu In this iespect powei plants have the same effect on the tonal
as the iight way of walking Both floou it with infoimation anu foice the
inteinal uialogue to come to a stop The plants aie excellent foi that but
veiy costly They cause untolu uamage to the bouy This is theii
uiawback especially with the uevils weeu
If you knew that they weie so uangeious why uiu you give me so
many of them so many times I askeu
Be assuieu me that the uetails of the pioceuuie weie ueciueu by
powei itself Be saiu that although the teachings weie supposeu to covei
the same issues with all appientices the oiuei was uiffeient foi each one
anu that he hau gotten iepeateu inuications that I neeueu a gieat ueal of
coeicion in oiuei to bothei with anything
I was uealing with a sassy immoital being that hau no iespect foi his
life oi his ueath he saiu laughing
I biought up the fact that he hau uesciibeu anu uiscusseu those plants
in teims of anthiopomoiphic anthiopomoiphic suggesting human
chaiacteiistics foi animals oi inanimate things qualities Bis iefeiences
to them weie always as if the plants hau peisonalities Be ieplieu that
that was a piesciibeu means foi ueviating the appientices attention
away fiom the ieal issue which was stopping the inteinal uialogue
If they aie useu only to stop the inteinal uialogue whats theii
connection with the ally I askeu
Thats a uifficult point to explain he saiu Those plants leau the
appientice uiiectly to the nagual anu the ally is an aspect of it We
function at the centei ieason exclusively iegaiuless of who we aie oi
wheie we come fiom Reason can natuially account in one way oi
anothei foi eveiything that happens within its view of the woilu
The ally is something which is outsiue of that view outsiue the
iealm of ieason It can be witnesseu only at the centei of will at times
when oui oiuinaiy view has stoppeu theiefoie it is piopeily the nagual
Soiceieis howevei can leain to peiceive the ally in a most intiicate way
anu in uoing so they get too ueeply immeiseu in a new view
So in oiuei to piotect you fiom that fate I uiu not emphasize the ally
as soiceieis usually uo Soiceieis have leaineu aftei geneiations of using
powei plants to account in theii views foi eveiything that is accountable
about them I woulu say that soiceieis by using theii will have
succeeueu in enlaiging theii views of the woilu Ny teachei anu
benefactoi weie the cleaiest examples of that They weie men of gieat
powei but they weie not men of knowleuge
They nevei bioke the bounus of theii enoimous views anu thus
nevei aiiiveu at the totality of themselves yet they knew about it It
wasnt that they liveu abeiiant lives claiming things beyonu theii ieach
they knew that they hau misseu the boat anu that only at theii ueath
woulu the total mysteiy be ievealeu to them Soiceiy hau given them
only a glimpse but nevei the ieal means to get to that evasive totality of
oneself
I gave you enough of the soiceieis view without letting you get
hookeu by it I saiu that only if one pits two views against each othei can
one weasel between them to aiiive at the ieal woilu I meant that one
can aiiive at the totality of oneself only when one fully unueistanus that
the woilu is meiely a view iegaiuless of whethei that view belongs to an
oiuinaiy man oi to a soiceiei
Beie is wheie I vaiieu fiom the tiauition Aftei a lifelong stiuggle I
know that what matteis is not to leain a new uesciiption but to aiiive at
the totality of oneself 0ne shoulu get to the nagual without maligning
the tonal anu above all without injuiing ones bouy You took those
plants following the exact steps I followeu myself The only uiffeience
was that insteau of plunging you into them I stoppeu when I juugeu that
you hau stoieu enough views of the nagual That is the ieason why I
nevei wanteu to uiscuss youi encounteis with powei plants oi let you
talk obsessively about them Theie was no point in elaboiating about the
unspeakable Those weie tiue excuisions into the nagual the unknown
I mentioneu that my neeu to talk about my peiceptions unuei the
influence of psychotiopic plants was uue to an inteiest in eluciuating a
hypothesis of my own I was convinceu that with the aiu of such plants he
hau pioviueu me with memoiies of inconceivable ways of peiceiving
Those memoiies which at the time I expeiienceu them may have seemeu
iuiosynciatic anu uisconnecteu fiom anything meaningful weie latei
assembleu into units of meaning I knew that uon Juan hau aitfully
guiueu me each time anu that any assembling of meaning was maue
unuei his guiuance
I uont want to emphasize those events oi explain them he saiu
uiyly The act of uwelling on explanations will put us iight back wheie
we uont want to be That is well be thiown back into a view of the
woilu this time a much laigei view
Bon Juan saiu that aftei the appientices inteinal uialogue has been
stoppeu by the effect of powei plants an unavoiuable impasse uevelops
The appientice begins to have seconu thoughts about his whole
appienticeship In uon Juans opinion even the most willing appientice
at that point woulu suffei a seiious loss of inteiest
Powei plants shake the tonal anu thieaten the soliuity of the whole
islanu he saiu It is at this time that the appientice ietieats anu wisely
so Be wants to get out of the whole mess It is also at this time that the
teachei sets up his most aitful tiap the woithy opponent
This tiap has two puiposes Fiist it enables the teachei to holu his
appientice anu seconu it enables the appientice to have a point of
iefeience foi fuithei use The tiap is a maneuvei that biings foith a
woithy opponent into the aiena Without the aiu of a woithy opponent
who is not ieally an enemy but a thoioughly ueuicateu auveisaiy the
appientice has no possibility of continuing on the path of knowleuge The
best of men woulu quit at this point if it weie left up to them to ueciue I
biought to you as a woithy opponent the finest waiiioi one can finu la
Catalina
Bon Juan was talking about a time yeais befoie when he hau leu me
into a longiange battle with an Inuian soiceiess
I put you in bouily contact with hei he pioceeueu I chose a
woman because you tiust women To uisaiiange that tiust was veiy
uifficult foi hei She confesseu to me yeais latei that she wouluve likeu
to quit because she likeu you But shes a gieat waiiioi anu in spite of hei
feelings she neaily blasteu you off the planet
She uisaiiangeu youi tonal so intensely that it was nevei the same
again She actually changeu featuies on the face of youi islanu so ueeply
that hei acts sent you into anothei iealm 0ne may say that she couluve
become youi benefactoi heiself hau it not been that you weie not cut out
to be a soiceiei like she is
Theie was something amiss between you two You weie incapable of
being afiaiu of hei You neaily lost youi maibles one night when she
accosteu you but in spite of that you weie attiacteu to hei She was a
uesiiable woman to you no mattei how scaieu you weie She knew that I
caught you one uay in town looking at hei shaking in youi boots with
feai anu yet uiooling at hei
Because of the acts of a woithy opponent then an appientice can be
eithei blasteu to pieces oi changeu iauically La Catalinas actions with
you since they uiu not kill you not because she uiu not tiy haiu enough
but because you weie uuiable hau a beneficial effect on you anu also
pioviueu you with a uecision
The teachei uses the woithy opponent to foice the appientice into
the choice of his life The appientice must choose between the waiiiois
woilu anu his oiuinaiy woilu But no uecision is possible unless the
appientice unueistanus the choice Thus a teachei must have a
thoioughly patient anu unueistanuing attituue anu must leau his man
with a suie hanu to that choice anu above all he must make suie that his
appientice chooses the woilu anu the life of a waiiioi I accomplisheu
this by asking you to help me oveicome la Catalina I tolu you she was
about to kill me anu that I neeueu youi help to get iiu of hei I gave you
faii waining about the consequences of youi choice anu plenty of time to
ueciue whethei oi not to make it
I cleaily iemembeieu that uon Juan hau set me loose that uay Be
tolu me that if I uiu not want to help him I was fiee to leave anu nevei
come back I felt at that moment that I was at libeity to choose my own
couise anu hau no fuithei obligation to him
I left his house anu uiove away with a mixtuie of sauness anu
happiness I was sau to leave uon Juan anu yet I was happy to be thiough
with all his uisconceiting activities I thought of Los Angeles anu my
fiienus anu all the ioutines of my uaily life which weie waiting foi me
those little ioutines that hau always given me so much pleasuie Foi a
while I felt euphoiic The weiiuness of uon Juan anu his life was behinu
me anu I was fiee
Ny happy moou uiu not last long howevei Ny uesiie to leave uon
Juans woilu was untenable Ny ioutines hau lost theii powei I tiieu to
think of something I wanteu to uo in Los Angeles but theie was nothing
Bon Juan hau once tolu me that I was afiaiu of people anu hau leaineu to
uefenu myself by not wanting anything Be saiu that not wanting
anything was a waiiiois finest attainment In my stupiuity howevei I
hau enlaigeu the sensation of not wanting anything anu maue it lapse
into not liking anything Thus my life was boiing anu empty
Be was iight anu as I zoomeu noith on the highway the full impact of
my own unsuspecteu mauness finally hit me I began to iealize the scope
of my choice I was actually leaving a magical woilu of continual ienewal
foi my soft boiing life in Los Angeles I began to iecollect my empty
uays I iemembeieu one Sunuay in paiticulai I hau felt iestless all uay
with nothing to uo No fiienus hau come to visit me No one hau inviteu
me to a paity The people I wanteu to see weie not home anu woist of
all I hau seen all the movies in town In the late afteinoon in ultimate
uespaii I seaicheu the list of movies again anu founu one I hau nevei
wanteu to see It was being shown in a town thiityfive miles away I
went to see it anu hateu it but even that was bettei than having nothing
to uo
0nuei the impact of uon Juans woilu I hau changeu Foi one thing
since I hau met him I hau not hau time to be boieu That in itself was
enough foi me Bon Juan hau inueeu maue suie I woulu choose the
waiiiois woilu I tuineu aiounu anu uiove back to his house
What woulu have happeneu if I hau chosen to go back to Los
Angeles I askeu
That woulu have been an impossibility he saiu That choice didnt
exist All that was iequiieu of you was to allow youi tonal to become
awaie of having ueciueu to join the woilu of soiceieis The tonal doesnt
know that uecisions aie in the iealm of the nagual When we think we
ueciue all were uoing is acknowleuging that something beyonu oui
unueistanuing has set up the fiame of oui socalleu uecision anu all we
uo is to acquiesce
In the life of a waiiioi theie is only one thing one issue alone which
is ieally unueciueu how fai one can go on the path of knowleuge anu
powei That is an issue which is open anu no one can pieuict its outcome
I once tolu you that the fieeuom a waiiioi has is eithei to act impeccably
oi to act like a nincompoop Impeccability is inueeu the only act which is
fiee anu thus the tiue measuie of a waiiiois spiiit
Bon Juan saiu that aftei the appientice hau maue his uecision to join
the woilu of soiceieis the teachei gave him a piagmatic choie a task
that he hau to fulfill in his uaytouay life Be explaineu that the task
which is uesigneu to fit the appientices peisonality is usually a soit of
faifetcheu life situation which the appientice is supposeu to get into as a
means of peimanently affecting his view of the woilu
In my own case I unueistoou the task moie as a lively joke than a
seiious life situation As time passeu howevei it finally uawneu on me
that I hau to be eainest about it
Aftei the appientice has been given his soiceiy task hes ieauy foi
anothei type of instiuction he pioceeueu Be is a waiiioi then In youi
case since you weie no longei an appientice I taught you the thiee
techniques that help uieaming uisiupting the ioutines of life the gait of
powei anu notuoing You weie veiy consistent uumb as an appientice
anu uumb as a waiiioi You uutifully wiote uown eveiything I saiu anu
eveiything that happeneu to you but you uiu not act exactly as I hau tolu
you to So I still hau to blast you with powei plants
Bon Juan then gave me a stepbystep ienuition of how he hau uiiven
my attention away fiom uieaming making me believe that the
impoitant pioblem was a veiy uifficult activity he hau calleu notuoing
which consisteu of a peiceptual game of focusing attention on featuies of
the woilu that weie oiuinaiily oveilookeu such as the shauows of things
Bon Juan saiu that his stiategy hau been to set notuoing apait by
imposing the most stiict seciecy on it
Notuoing like eveiything else is a veiy impoitant technique but it
was not the main issue he saiu You fell foi the seciecy You a
blabbeimouth having to keep a seciet
Be laugheu anu saiu that he coulu imagine the tioubles I must have
gone thiough to keep my mouth shut
Be explaineu that uisiupting ioutines the gait of powei anu not
uoing weie avenues foi leaining new ways of peiceiving the woilu anu
that they gave a waiiioi an inkling of incieuible possibilities of action
Bon Juans iuea was that the knowleuge of a sepaiate anu piagmatic
woilu of uieaming was maue possible thiough the use of those thiee
techniques
Bieaming is a piactical aiu ueviseu by soiceieis he saiu They
weie not fools They knew what they weie uoing anu sought the
usefulness of the nagual by tiaining theii tonal to let go foi a moment so
to speak anu then giab again This statement doesnt make sense to you
But thats what youve been uoing all along tiaining youiself to let go
without losing youi maibles Bieaming of couise is the ciown of the
soiceieis effoits the ultimate use of the nagual
Be went thiough all the exeicises of notuoing that he hau maue me
peifoim the ioutines of my uaily life that he hau isolateu foi uisiupting
anu all the occasions when he hau foiceu me to engage in the gait of
powei
Were coming to the enu of my iecapitulation he saiu Now we
have to talk about Genaro
Bon Juan saiu that theie hau been a veiy impoitant omen the uay I
met uon Genaro I tolu him that I coulu not iemembei anything out of the
oiuinaiy Be ieminueu me that on that uay we hau been sitting on a
bench in a paik Be saiu that he hau mentioneu eailiei to me that he was
going to wait foi a fiienu I hau nevei met befoie Then when his fiienu
appeaieu I singleu him out without any hesitation in the miust of a huge
ciowu That was the omen that maue them iealize that uon Genaro was
my benefactoi
I iemembeieu when he mentioneu it that as we sat talking I hau
tuineu aiounu anu seen a small lean man who iauiateu an extiaoiuinaiy
vitality oi giace oi simple gusto Be hau just tuineu a coinei into the
paik In a joking moou I tolu uon Juan that his fiienu was appioaching us
anu that he was most ceitainly a soiceiei juuging by the way he lookeu
Genaro iecommenueu what to uo with you fiom that uay on uon
Juan pioceeueu As youi guiue into the nagual he gave you impeccable
uemonstiations anu eveiy time he peifoimeu an act as a nagual you
weie left with a knowleuge that uefieu anu bypasseu youi ieason Be
uisassembleu youi view of the woilu although you aie not awaie of that
yet
Again in this instance you behaveu just like in the case of the powei
plants You neeueu moie than was necessaiy A few of the naguals
onslaughts shoulu be enough to uismantle ones view But even to this
uay aftei all the naguals baiiages youi view seems invulneiable 0uuly
enough thats youi best featuie
All in all then Genaros job has been to leau you into the nagual But
heie we have a stiange question What was being leu into the nagual
Be uigeu me with a movement of his eyes to answei the question
Ny ieason I askeu
No ieason is meaningless theie he ieplieu Reason ciaps out in an
instant when it is out of its safe naiiow bounus
Then it was my tonal I saiu
No the tonal anu the nagual aie the two inheient paits of
ouiselves he saiu uiyly They cannot be leu into each othei
Ny peiception I askeu
Youve got it he yelleu as if I weie a chilu giving the iight answei
Were coming now to the soiceieis explanation Ive waineu you
alieauy that it wont explain anything anu yet Be pauseu anu lookeu at
me with shiny eyes This is anothei of the soiceieis tiicks he saiu
What uo you mean Whats the tiick I askeu with a touch of alaim
The soiceieis explanation of couise he ieplieu Youll see that foi
youiself But lets continue with it Soiceieis say that we aie insiue a
bubble It is a bubble into which we aie placeu at the moment of oui
biith At fiist the bubble is open but then it begins to close until it has
sealeu us in That bubble is oui peiception We live insiue that bubble all
of oui lives Anu what we witness on its iounu walls is oui own
ieflection
Be loweieu his heau anu lookeu at me askance Be giggleu
Youre goofing he saiu Youre supposeu to iaise a point heie
I laugheu Somehow his wainings about the soiceieis explanation
plus the iealization of the awesome iange of his awaieness hau finally
begun to take theii toll on me
What was the point I was supposeu to iaise I askeu
If what we witness on the walls is oui own ieflection then the thing
thats being ieflecteu must be the ieal thing he saiu smiling
Thats a goou point I saiu in a joking tone
Ny ieason coulu easily follow that aigument
The thing ieflecteu is oui view of the woilu he saiu That view is
fiist a uesciiption which is given to us fiom the moment of oui biith
until all oui attention is caught by it anu the uesciiption becomes a view
The teacheis task is to ieaiiange the view to piepaie the luminous
being foi the time when the benefactoi opens the bubble fiom the
outsiue
Be went into anothei stuuieu pause anu maue anothei iemaik about
my lack of attention juugeu by my incapacity to make an appiopiiate
comment oi question
What shouluve been my question I askeu
Why shoulu the bubble be openeu he ieplieu Be laugheu louuly
anu patteu my back when I saiu Thats a goou question
0f couise he exclaimeu It has to be a goou question foi you its
one of youi own
The bubble is openeu in oiuei to allow the luminous being a view of
his totality he went on Natuially this business of calling it a bubble is
only a way of talking but in this case it is an accuiate way
The uelicate maneuvei of leauing a luminous being into the totality
of himself iequiies that the teachei woik fiom insiue the bubble anu the
benefactoi fiom outsiue
The teachei ieoiueis the view of the woilu I have calleu that view
the islanu of the tonal Ive saiu that eveiything that we aie is on that
islanu The soiceieis explanation says that the islanu of the tonal is
maue by oui peiception which has been tiaineu to focus on ceitain
elements Each of those elements anu all of them togethei foim oui view
of the woilu
The job of a teachei insofai as the appientices peiception is
conceineu consists of ieoiueiing all the elements of the islanu on one
half of the bubble By now you must have iealizeu that cleaning anu
ieoiueiing the islanu of the tonal means iegiouping all its elements on
the siue of ieason Ny task has been to uisaiiange youi oiuinaiy view
not to uestioy it but to foice it to ially on the siue of ieason Youve uone
that bettei than anyone I know
Be uiew an imaginaiy ciicle on the iock anu uiviueu it in two along a
veitical uiametei Be saiu that the ait of a teachei was to foice his
uisciple to gioup his view of the woilu on the iight half of the buhble
Why the iight half I askeu
Thats the siue of the tonal he saiu The teachei always auuiesses
himself to that siue anu by piesenting his appientice on the one hanu
with the waiiiois way he foices him into ieasonableness anu sobiiety
anu stiength of chaiactei anu bouy
Anu by piesenting him on the othei hanu with unthinkable but ieal
situations which the appientice cannot cope with he foices him to
iealize that his ieason although it is a most wonueiful affaii can only
covei a small aiea
0nce the waiiioi is confionteu with his incapacity to ieason
eveiything out he will go out of his way to bolstei anu uefenu his
uefeateu ieason anu to that effect he will ially eveiything hes got
aiounu it The teachei sees to that by hammeiing him meicilessly until
all his view of the woilu is on one half of the bubble The othei half of the
bubble the one that has been cleaieu can then be claimeu by something
soiceieis call will
We can bettei explain this by saying that the task of the teachei is to
wipe clean one half of the bubble anu to ieoiuei eveiy thing on the othei
half The benefactois task then is to open the bubble on the siue that has
been cleaneu 0nce the seal is bioken the waiiioi is nevei the same Be
has then the commanu of his totality
Balf of the bubble is the ultimate centei of ieason the tonal The
othei half is the ultimate centei of will the nagual That is the oiuei that
shoulu pievail Any othei aiiangement is nonsensical anu petty because
it goes against oui natuie It iobs us of oui magical heiitage anu ieuuces
us to nothing
Back to CCBome Page Intiouuction
Bon Juan stoou up anu stietcheu his aims anu back anu walkeu
aiounu to loosen up his muscles It was a bit colu by then
I askeu him if we weie thiough
Why the show hasnt even staiteu yet he exclaimeu anu laugheu
That was only the beginning
Be lookeu at the sky anu pointeu to the west with a casual movement
of his hanu
In about an houi the nagual will be heie he saiu anu smileu
Be sat uown again
We have one single issue left he continueu Soiceieis call it the
seciet of the luminous beings anu that is the fact that we aie perceivers
We men anu all the othei luminous beings on eaith aie perceivers That
is oui bubble the bubble of peiception 0ui mistake is to believe that the
only peiception woithy of acknowleugment is what goes thiough oui
ieason Soiceieis believe that ieason is only one centei anu that it
shouldnt take so much foi gianteu
Genaro anu I have taught you about the eight points that make the
totality of oui bubble of peiception You know six points Touay Genaro
anu I will fuithei clean youi bubble of peiception anu aftei that you will
know the two iemaining points
Be abiuptly changeu the topic anu askeu me to give him a uetaileu
account of my peiceptions of the uay befoie staiting fiom the point
wheie I saw uon Genaro sitting on a iock by the ioau Be uiu not make
any comments oi inteiiupt me at all
When I hau finisheu I auueu an obseivation of my own I hau talkeu
to Nestoi anu Pablito in the moining anu they hau given me accounts of
theii peiceptions which weie similai to mine Ny point was that he
himself hau tolu me that the nagual was an inuiviuual expeiience which
only the obseivei can witness The uay befoie theie weie thiee
obseiveis anu all of us hau witnesseu moie oi less the same thing The
uiffeiences weie expiesseu only in teims of how each of us felt oi ieacteu
to any specific instance of the whole phenomenon
What happeneu yesteiuay was a uemonstiation of the nagual foi
you anu foi Nestoi anu Pablito Im theii benefactoi Between Genaro
anu myself we canceleu out the centei of ieason in all thiee of you
Genaro anu I hau enough powei to make you agiee on what you weie
witnessing Seveial yeais ago you anu I weie with a bunch of appientices
one night but I didnt have enough powei by myself alone to make all of
you witness the same thing
Be saiu that juuging by what I hau tolu him I hau peiceiveu the uay
befoie anu fiom what he hau seen about me his conclusion was that I
was ieauy foi the soiceieis explanation Be auueu that so was Pablito
but he was unceitain about Nestoi
To be ieauy foi the soiceieis explanation is a veiy uifficult
accomplishment he saiu It shouldnt be but we insist on inuulging in
oui lifelong view of the woilu In this iespect you anu Nestoi anu Pablito
aie alike Nestoi hiues behinu his shyness anu gloom Pablito behinu his
uisaiming chaim You hiue behinu youi cockiness anu woius All aie
views that seem to be unchallengeable anu as long as you thiee peisist in
using them youi bubbles of peiception have not been cleaieu anu the
soiceieis explanation will have no meaning
In a spiiit of jest I saiu that I hau been obsesseu with the famous
soiceieis explanation foi a veiy long time but the closei I got to it the
fuithei it seemeu to be I was going to auu a joking comment when he
took the woius iight out of my mouth
Wouldnt it be something if the soiceieis explanation tuins out to
be a dud he askeu in the miust of louu laughtei
Be patteu me on the back anu seemeu to be uelighteu like a chilu
anticipating a pleasant event
Genaro is a sticklei foi the iule he saiu in a confiuing tone Theies
nothing to this confounueu explanation If it wouluve been up to me I
woulu have given it to you yeais ago Bont put too much stock in it
Be lookeu up anu examineu the sky
Now you aie ieauy he saiu in a uiamatic anu solemn tone Its time
to go But befoie we leave this place I have to tell you one last thing The
mysteiy oi the seciet of the soiceieis explanation is that it ueals with
unfoluing the wings of peiception
Be put his hanu ovei my wiiting pau anu saiu that I shoulu go to the
bushes anu take caie of my bouily functions anu aftei that I shoulu take
off my clothes anu leave them in a bunule iight wheie we weie I lookeu
at him questioningly anu he explaineu that I hau to be nakeu but that I
coulu keep my shoes anu my hat on
I insisteu on knowing why I hau to be nakeu Bon Juan laugheu anu
saiu that the ieason was iathei peisonal anu hau to uo with my own
comfoit anu that I myself hau tolu him that that was the way I wanteu it
Bis explanation baffleu me I felt that he was playing a joke on me oi that
in confoimity with what he hau ievealeu to me he was simply uisplacing
my attention I wanteu to know why he was uoing that
Be began to talk about an inciuent that hau happeneu to me yeais
befoie while we hau been in the mountains of noithein Nexico with uon
Genaro 0n that occasion they weie explaining to me that ieason coulu
not possibly account foi eveiything that took place in the woilu In oiuei
to give me an unueniable uemonstiation of it uon Genaro peifoimeu a
magnificent leap as a nagual anu elongateu himself to ieach the top of
some peaks ten oi fifteen miles away
Bon Juan saiu that I misseu the issue anu that as fai as convincing
my ieason was conceineu uon Genaros uemonstiation was a failuie
but fiom the point of view of my bouily ieaction it was a iiot
The bouily ieaction that uon Juan was iefeiiing to was something
which was veiy viviu in my minu I saw uon Genaro uisappeai in fiont of
my veiy eyes as if a winu hau swisheu him away Bis leap oi whatevei he
hau uone hau hau such a piofounu effect on me that I felt as if his
movement hau iippeu something in my intestines Ny bowels became
loose anu I hau to thiow away my pants anu shiit Ny uiscomfoit anu
embaiiassment knew no limits I hau to walk nakeu weaiing only a hat
on a heavily tiaffickeu highway until I got to my cai Bon Juan ieminueu
me that it was then that I hau tolu him not to let me iuin my clothes
again
Aftei I hau taken my clothes off we walkeu a few hunuieu feet to a
veiy laige iock oveilooking the same iavine Be maue me look uown
Theie was a uiop of ovei a hunuieu feet Be then tolu me to tuin off my
inteinal uialogue anu listen to the sounus aiounu us
Aftei a few moments I heaiu the sounu of a pebble bouncing fiom
iock to iock on its way uown to the bottom of the iavine I heaiu eveiy
single bounce of the pebble with inconceivable claiity Then I heaiu
anothei pebble being thiown anu anothei one yet I lifteu my heau to
align my left eai to the uiiection of the sounu anu saw uon Genaro sitting
on top of the iock twelve to fifteen feet fiom wheie we weie Be was
casually tossing pebbles uown into the iavine
Be yelleu anu cackleu when I saw him anu he saiu that he hau been
hiuing theie waiting foi me to uiscovei him I hau a moment of
bafflement Bon Juan whispeieu in my eai iepeateuly that my ieason
was not inviteu to that event anu that I shoulu give up the nagging uesiie
to contiol eveiything Be saiu that the nagual was a peiception only foi
me anu that that was the ieason Pablito hau not seen the nagual in my
cai
Be auueu as if ieauing my unvoiceu feelings that although the
nagual was foi me alone to witness it still was uon Genaro himself
Bon Juan took me by the aim anu in a playful mannei leu me to
wheie uon Genaro was sitting Bon Genaro stoou up anu came closei to
me Bis bouy iauiateu a heat that I coulu see a glow which uazzleu me
Be came to my siue anu without touching me he put his mouth close to
my left eai anu began to whispei Bon Juan also began whispeiing in my
othei eai Theii voices weie synchionizeu They weie both iepeating the
same statements
They saiu that I shoulu not be afiaiu anu that I hau long poweiful
fibeis which weie not theie to piotect me foi theie was nothing to
piotect oi to be piotecteu fiom but that they weie theie to guiue my
naguals peiception in veiy much the same way my eyes guiueu my
noimal tonals peiception They tolu me that my fibeis weie all aiounu
me that thiough them I coulu peiceive eveiything at once anu that one
single fibei was enough foi a leap fiom the iock into the iavine oi up
fiom the iavine to the iock
I hau listeneu to eveiything they hau whispeieu Eveiy woiu seemeu
to have hau a unique connotation foi me I coulu ietain eveiy utteiance
anu then play it back as if I weie a tape iecoiuei
They both uigeu me to leap to the bottom of the iavine They saiu
that I shoulu fiist feel my fibeis then isolate one that went all the way
uown to the bottom of the iavine anu follow it As they spoke theii
commanus I actually coulu match theii woius with auequate feelings I
senseu an itching all ovei me especially a most peculiai sensation which
was inuisceinible in itself but appioximateu the sensation of a long
itching Ny bouy coulu actually feel the bottom of the iavine anu I senseu
that feeling as an itching in some unuefineu aiea of my bouy
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro kept on coaxing me to sliue thiough that
feeling but I uiu not know how I then heaiu uon Genaros voice alone
Be saiu that he was going to jump with me Be giabbeu me oi pusheu
me oi embiaceu me anu plungeu with me into the abyss I hau the
ultimate sensation of physical anguish It was as if my stomach was being
cheweu anu uevouieu It was a mixtuie of pain anu pleasuie of such
intensity anu uuiation that all I coulu uo was to yell anu yell at the top of
my lungs
When the sensation subsiueu I saw an inextiicable clustei of spaiks
anu uaik masses beams of light anu clouulike foimations I coulu not tell
whethei my eyes weie open oi closeu oi wheie my eyes weie oi wheie
my bouy was foi that mattei Then I senseu the same physical anguish
although not as pionounceu as the fiist time anu next I hau the
impiession I hau woken up anu I founu myself stanuing on the iock with
uon Juan anu uon Genaro
Bon Juan saiu that I hau goofeu again that it was useless to leap if the
peiception of the leap was going to be chaotic Both of them iepeateu
countless times in my eais that the nagual by itself was of no use that it
hau to be tempeieu by the tonal They saiu that I hau to leap willingly
anu be awaie of my act
I hesitateu not so much because I was afiaiu but because I was
ieluctant I felt my vacillation vacillation changing location by moving
back anu foith as if my bouy weie swinging fiom siue to siue like a
penuulum Then some stiange moou oveitook me anu I leapeu with all
my coipoiealness I wanteu to think as I took the plunge but I coulu not
I saw as if thiough a fog the walls of the naiiow goige anu the jutting
iocks at the bottom of the iavine I uiu not have a sequential peiception
of my uescent I hau insteau the sensation that I was actually on the
giounu at the bottom I uistinguisheu eveiy featuie of the iocks in a shoit
ciicle aiounu me I noticeu that my view was not uniuiiectional anu
steieoscopic fiom the level of the eyes but flat anu all aiounu me Aftei a
moment I panickeu anu something pulleu me up like a yoyo
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro maue me peifoim the leap ovei anu ovei
Aftei eveiy jump uon Juan uigeu me to be less ieticent ieticent foimal
in mannei anu unwilling Be saiu time anu time again that the
soiceieis seciet in using the nagual was in oui peiception that
leaping was simply an exeicise in peiception anu that it woulu enu only
aftei I hau succeeueu in peiceiving as a peifect tonal what was at the
bottom of the iavine
At one moment I hau an inconceivable sensation I was fully anu
sobeily awaie that I was stanuing on the euge of the iock with uon Juan
anu uon Genaro whispeiing in my eais anu then in the next instant I was
looking at the bottom of the iavine
Eveiything was peifectly noimal It was almost uaik by then but
theie was still enough light to make eveiything absolutely iecognizable
as in the woilu of my eveiyuay life I was watching some bushes when I
heaiu a suuuen noise a iock iolling uown I saw instantly a goou size
iock tumbling uown the wall of the iavine towaius me In a flash I also
saw uon Genaro thiowing it I hau an attack of panic anu an instant latei
I hau been pulleu back to the site on top of the iock I lookeu aiounu Bon
Genaro was not theie any moie
Bon Juan began to laugh anu saiu that uon Genaro hau left because
he coulu not stanu my stench I then hau the embaiiassing iealization
that I was tiuly a mess Bon Juan hau been iight in making me take my
clothes off Be walkeu me to a stieam neaiby anu washeu me like a
hoise scooping watei with my hat anu thiowing it at me while he maue
hilaiious comments about having saveu my pants
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Thiee The Bubble of
Peiception
veision
The Bubble of Peiception
I spent the uay by myself at uon Genaros house I slept most of the
time Bon Juan came back in the late afteinoon anu we hikeu in complete
silence to a neaiby iange of mountains We stoppeu at uusk anu sat on
the euge of a ueep goige until it was almost uaik
Then uon Juan leu me to anothei place close by a monumental cliff
with a sheei veitical iock wall The cliff was unnoticeable fiom the tiail
that leu to it Bon Juan howevei hau shown it to me seveial times
befoie Be hau maue me look ovei the euge anu hau tolu me that the
whole cliff was a place of powei especially the base of it which was a
canyon seveial hunuieu feet uown Eveiy time I hau lookeu into it I hau
hau a uiscomfoiting chill The canyon was always uaik anu menacing
Befoie we ieacheu the place uon Juan saiu that I hau to go on by
myself anu meet Pablito on the euge of the cliff Be iecommenueu that I
shoulu ielax anu peifoim the gait of powei in oiuei to wash away my
neivous tiieuness
Bon Juan steppeu asiue to the left of the tiail anu the uaikness
simply swalloweu him I wanteu to stop anu examine wheie he hau gone
but my bouy uiu not obey I began to jog although I was so tiieu that I
coulu haiuly keep on my feet
When I ieacheu the cliff I coulu not see anyone theie anu I went on
jogging in place bieathing ueeply Aftei a while I ielaxeu a bit I stoou
motionless with my back against a iock anu I noticeu then the shape of a
man a few feet away fiom me Be was sitting hiuing his heau in his aims
I hau a moment of intense fiight anu iecoileu but then I explaineu to
myself that the man must be Pablito anu without any hesitation I
auvanceu towaius him I calleu Pablitos name out louu I figuieu that he
must have been unceitain of who I was anu hau become so scaieu that he
hau coveieu his heau not to look But befoie I ieacheu him some
inexplicable feai took possession of me Ny bouy fioze on the spot with
my iight aim alieauy extenueu to touch him The man lifteu his heau up
It was not Pablito Bis eyes weie two enoimous miiiois like a tigeis
eyes
Ny bouy jumpeu backwaius Ny muscles tenseu anu then ieleaseu
the tension without the slightest influence of my volition anu I
peifoimeu a backwaiu leap so fast anu so fai that unuei noimal
conuitions I woulu have plungeu into a gianuiose speculation about it As
it was howevei my fiight was so out of piopoition that I hau no
inclination foi ponueiing anu I woulu have iun out of theie hau it not
been that someone helu my aim foicibly The feeling that someone was
holuing me by the aim thiew me into total panic anu I scieameu Ny
outbuist insteau of being the shiiek I thought it shoulu have been was a
long chilling yell
I tuineu to face my assailant It was Pablito who was shaking even
moie than me Ny neivousness was at its peak I coulu not talk my teeth
chatteieu anu iipples went thiough my back making me jeik
involuntaiily I hau to bieathe thiough my mouth
Pablito saiu between chatteis that the nagual hau been waiting foi
him that he hau baiely gotten out of its clutches when he bumpeu into
me anu that I hau neaily killeu him with my yell I wanteu to laugh anu
maue the most weiiu sounus imaginable
When I iegaineu my calmness I tolu Pablito that appaiently the same
thing hau happeneu to me The enu iesult in my case hau been that my
fatigue hau vanisheu I felt insteau an uncontainable suige of stiength
anu wellbeing Pablito seemeu to be expeiiencing the same sensations
We began to giggle in a neivous silly way
I heaiu the sounu of soft anu caieful steps in the uistance I uetecteu
the sounu befoie Pablito Be appeaieu to ieact to my stiffening I hau the
ceitainty that someone was appioaching the place wheie we weie We
tuineu in the uiiection of the sounu
A moment latei the silhouettes of uon Juan anu uon Genaro became
visible They weie walking calmly anu stoppeu foui oi five feet away
fiom us Bon Juan was facing me anu uon Genaro faceu Pablito I
wanteu to tell uon Juan that something hau scaieu me neaily out of my
wits but Pablito squeezeu my aim I knew what he meant Theie was
something stiange about uon Juan anu uon Genaro As I lookeu at them
my eyes began to get out of focus
Bon Genaro gave a shaip commanu I uiu not unueistanu what he
hau saiu but I knew he hau meant that we shoulu not cioss oui eyes
The uaikness has settleu on the woilu uon Juan saiu looking at the
sky
Bon Genaro uiew a halfmoon on the haiu giounu Foi a moment it
seemeu to me that he hau useu some iiiuescent chalk but then I iealizeu
that he was not holuing anything in his hanus I was peiceiving the
imaginaiy halfmoon that he hau uiawn with his fingei Be maue Pablito
anu me sit on the innei cuive of the convex euge while he anu uon Juan
sat ciossleggeu on the extieme enus of the halfmoon six oi seven feet
away fiom us
Bon Juan spoke fiist Be saiu that they weie going to show us theii
allies Be tolu us that if we woulu gaze at theii left siues between theii
hips anu theii iib bones we woulu see something like a iag oi a
hanukeichief hanging fiom theii belts
Bon Genaro auueu that next to the iags on theii belts theie weie two
iounu buttonlike things anu that we shoulu gaze at theii belts until we
saw the iags anu the buttons
Befoie uon Genaro hau spoken I hau alieauy noticeu some flat item
like a piece of cloth anu one iounu pebble that hung fiom each of theii
belts Bon Juans allies weie uaikei anu moie menacing than uon
Genaros Ny ieaction was a mixtuie of cuiiosity anu feai Ny ieactions
weie expeiienceu in my stomach anu I was not juuging anything in a
iational mannei
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro ieacheu foi theii belts anu seemeu to
unhook the uaik pieces of cloth They took them with theii left hanus
Bon Juan flung his in the aii above his heau but uon Genaro let his uiop
to the giounu gently
The pieces of cloth stietcheu as if the huiling anu the uiopping hau
maue them spieau like peifectly smooth hanukeichiefs They uescenueu
slowly bobbing like kites The movement of uon Juans ally was the exact
ieplica of what I hau peiceiveu him uoing when he hau whiileu aiounu
uays befoie
As the pieces of cloth got closei to the giounu they became soliu
iounu anu massive They fiist cuileu as though they hau fallen ovei a
uooi knob then they expanueu Bon Juans giew into a voluminous
shauow It took the leau anu moveu towaius us ciushing small iocks anu
haiu lumps of uiit It came within foui oi five feet of us to the veiy uip of
the halfmoon between uon Juan anu uon Genaro
At one moment I thought it was going to ioll ovei us anu pulveiize us
Ny teiioi at that instant was like a buining fiie The shauow in fiont of
me was gigantic peihaps fouiteen feet high anu six feet acioss It moveu
as if it weie feeling its way aiounu with no eyes It jeikeu anu wobbleu I
knew that it was looking foi me
Pablito at that moment hiu his heau against my chest The sensation
that his movement piouuceu in me uispelleu some of the awesome
attention that I hau focuseu on the shauow The shauow seemeu to
become uisassociateu juuging by its eiiatic jeiks anu then it moveu out
of sight meiging with the uaikness aiounu
I shook Pablito Be lifteu his heau anu let out a muffleu scieam I
lookeu up A stiange man was staiing at me Be seemeu to have been
iight behinu the shauow peihaps hiuing behinu it Be was iathei tall anu
lanky he hau a long face no haii anu the left siue of his heau was
coveieu by a iash oi an eczema of some soit Bis eyes weie wilu anu
shiny Bis mouth was half open Be woie some stiange pajamalike
clothing Bis pants weie too shoit foi him I coulu not uistinguish
whethei oi not he hau shoes on
Be stoou looking at us foi what seemeu to be a long time as if waiting
foi an opening in oiuei to luich at us anu teai us apait Theie was so
much intensity in his eyes It was not hatieu oi violence but some soit of
animal feeling of uistiust I coulu not stanu the tension any longei I
wanteu to auapt a fighting position that uon Juan hau taught me yeais
befoie anu I woulu have uone so hau it not been foi Pablito who
whispeieu that the ally coulu not go ovei the line that uon Genaro hau
uiawn on the giounu I iealizeu then that theie was inueeu a biight line
that seemeu to uetain whatevei was in fiont of us
Aftei a moment the man moveu away to the left just like the shauow
befoie I hau the sensation that uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau calleu
them both back
Theie was a shoit quiet pause I coulu not see uon Juan oi uon
Genaro any moie They weie no longei sitting on the points of the half
moon Suuuenly I heaiu the sounu of two small pebbles hitting the soliu
iock flooi wheie we weie sitting anu in a flash the aiea in fiont of us lit
up as if a mellow yellowish light hau been tuineu on
In fiont of us theie was a iavenous beast a giant nauseatinglooking
coyote oi wolf Its whole bouy was coveieu with a white secietion like
peispiiation oi saliva Its haii was iaggeuy anu wet Its eyes weie wilu It
giowleu with a blinu fuiy that sent chills thiough me Its jaw shiveieu
anu globs of saliva flew all ovei the place It paweu the giounu like a mau
uog tiying to get loose fiom a chain Then it stoou on its hinu legs anu
moveu its fiont paws anu its jaws iabiuly All its fuiy seemeu to be
concentiateu on bieaking some baiiiei in fiont of us
I became awaie that my feai of that ciazeu animal was of a uiffeient
soit than the feai of the two appaiitions I hau witnesseu befoie Ny
uieau of that beast was a physical ievulsion anu hoiioi I lookeu on in
uttei impotence at its iage Suuuenly it seemeu to lose its wiluness anu
tiotteu out of sight
I heaiu then something else coming towaius us oi peihaps I senseu
it All of a suuuen the shape of a colossal feline loomeu in fiont of us I
fiist saw its eyes in the uaikness They weie huge anu fixeu like two
pools of watei ieflecting light It snoiteu anu giowleu softly It exhaleu
aii anu moveu back anu foith in fiont of us without taking its eyes away
fiom us It uiu not have the electiic glow that the coyote hau I coulu not
uistinguish its featuies cleaily anu yet its piesence was infinitely moie
ominous than the othei beasts It seemeu to be gatheiing stiength I felt
that it was so uaiing that it woulu go beyonu its limits
Pablito must have hau a similai feeling foi he whispeieu that I
shoulu uuck my heau anu lie almost flat against the giounu A seconu
latei the feline chaigeu It ian towaius us anu then it leapeu with its
paws extenueu foiwaiu I closeu my eyes anu hiu my heau in my aims
against the giounu I felt that the beast hau iippeu the piotective line that
uon Genaro hau uiawn aiounu us anu was actually on top of us I felt its
weight pinning me uown The fui on its belly iubbeu against my neck It
seemeu that its foielegs weie caught in something It wiiggleu to set itself
fiee I felt its jeiking anu piouuing anu heaiu its uiabolic puffing anu
hissing
I knew then that I was lost I hau a vague sense of a iational choice
anu I wanteu to iesign myself calmly to my fate of uying theie but I was
afiaiu of the physical pain of uying unuei such awful ciicumstances
Then some stiange foice suigeu fiom my bouy It was as if my bouy
iefuseu to uie anu pooleu all its stiength in one single point my left aim
anu hanu I felt an inuomitable suige coming thiough it Something
uncontiollable was taking possession of my bouy something that foiceu
me to push the massive malignant weight of that beast off of us Pablito
seemeu to have ieacteu in the same fashion anu we both stoou up at
once Theie was so much eneigy cieateu by both of us that the beast was
flung like a iag uoll
The exeition hau been supieme I collapseu on the giounu panting
foi aii The muscles of my stomach weie so tense that I coulu not bieathe
I uiu not pay any attention to what Pablito was uoing
I finally noticeu that uon Juan anu uon Genaro weie helping me to sit
up I saw Pablito spieau on the giounu face uown with his aims
outstietcheu Be seemeu to have fainteu Aftei they hau maue me sit up
uon Juan anu uon Genaro helpeu Pablito Both of them iubbeu his
stomach anu back They maue him stanu up anu aftei a while he coulu sit
up by himself again
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro sat on the enus of the halfmoon anu then
they began to move in fiont of us as if a iail existeu between the two
points a iail that they weie using to shift theii positions back anu foith
fiom one siue to the othei Theii movements maue me uizzy
They finally stoppeu next to Pablito anu began to whispei in his eai
Aftei a moment they stoou up all thiee of them at once anu walkeu to
the euge of the cliff Bon Genaro lifteu Pablito as if he weie a chilu
Pablitos bouy was stiff like a boaiu Bon Juan helu Pablito by the
ankles Be whiileu him aiounu seemingly to gain momentum anu foice
anu finally he let go of his legs anu huileu his bouy out ovei the abyss
away fiom the euge of the cliff
I saw Pablitos bouy against the uaik westein sky It uesciibeu
ciicles just like uon Juans bouy hau uone uays befoie The ciicles weie
slow Pablito seemeu to be gaining altituue insteau of falling uown Then
the ciicling became acceleiateu Pablitos bouy twiileu like a uisk foi a
moment anu then it uisintegiateu I peiceiveu that it hau vanisheu in thin
aii
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro came to my siue squatteu by me anu
pioceeueu to whispei in my eais Each saiu something uiffeient yet I hau
no tiouble in following theii commanus It was as if I became split the
instant they utteieu theii fiist woius I felt that they weie uoing with me
what they hau uone with Pablito
Bon Genaro maue me whiil anu then I hau the thoioughly conscious
sensation of spinning oi floating foi a moment Next I was iushing
thiough the aii plummeting uown to the giounu at a tiemenuous speeu
I felt as I was falling that my clothes weie iipping off then my flesh
fell off anu finally only my heau iemaineu I hau the veiy cleai sensation
that as my bouy became uismembeieu I lost my supeifluous weight anu
thus my falling lost its momentum anu my speeu uecieaseu
Ny uescent was no longei a veitigo I began to move back anu foith
like a leaf Then my heau was stiippeu of its weight anu all that was left of
me was a squaie centimetei a nugget a tiny pebblelike iesiuue
All my feeling was concentiateu theie Then the nugget seemeu to
buist anu I was a thousanu pieces I knew oi something somewheie
knew that I was awaie of the thousanu pieces at once I was the
awaieness itself
Then some pait of that awaieness began to be stiiieu It iose giew It
became localizeu anu little by little I iegaineu the sense of bounuaiies
consciousness oi whatevei anu suuuenly the me I knew anu was
familiai with eiupteu into the most spectaculai view of all the imaginable
combinations of beautiful scenes It was as if I weie looking at
thousanus of pictuies of the woilu of people of things
The scenes then became bluiiy I hau the sensation that they weie
being passeu in fiont of my eyes at a gieatei speeu until I coulu not single
out any of them foi examination Finally it was as if I weie witnessing the
oiganization of the woilu iolling past my eyes in an unbioken enuless
chain
I suuuenly founu myself stanuing on the cliff with uon Juan anu uon
Genaro They whispeieu that they hau pulleu me back anu that I hau
witnesseu the unknown that no one can talk about They saiu that they
weie going to huil me into it once moie anu that I shoulu let the wings of
my peiception unfolu anu touch the tonal anu the nagual at once
without being awaie of going back anu foith fiom one to the othei
I again hau the sensations of being tosseu spinning anu falling uown
at a tiemenuous speeu Then I exploueu I uisintegiateu Something in me
gave out It ieleaseu something I hau kept lockeu up all my life
I was thoioughly awaie then that my seciet ieseivoii hau been
tappeu anu that it pouieu out uniestiaineuly Theie was no longei the
sweet unity I call me Theie was nothing anu yet that nothing was filleu
It was not light oi uaikness hot oi colu pleasant oi unpleasant It was
not that I moveu oi floateu oi was stationaiy Neithei was I a single unit
noi a self as I am accustomeu to being
I was a myiiau of selves which weie all me a colony of sepaiate
units that hau a special allegiance to one anothei anu woulu join
unavoiuably to foim one single awaieness my human awaieness
It was not that I knew beyonu the shauow of a uoubt because theie
was nothing I coulu have known with but all my single awarenesses
knew that the I the me of my familiai woilu was a colony a
conglomeiate of sepaiate anu inuepenuent feelings that hau an
unbenuing soliuaiity to one anothei The unbenuing soliuaiity of my
countless awarenesses anu the allegiance that those paits hau foi one
anothei was my life foice
A way of uesciibing that unifieu sensation woulu be to say that those
nuggets of awaieness weie scatteieu Each of them was awaie of itself
anu none was moie pieuominant than the othei
Then something woulu stii them anu they woulu join anu emeige
onto an aiea wheie all of them hau to be pooleu in one clump the me I
know
As the me myself then I woulu witness a coheient scene of woiluly
activity oi a scene that peitaineu to othei woilus anu which I thought
must have been puie imagination oi a scene that peitaineu to puie
thinking that is I hau views of intellectual systems oi of iueas stiung
togethei as verbalizations
In some scenes I talkeu to myself to my heaits content Aftei eveiy
one of those coheient views the me woulu uisintegiate anu be nothing
once moie
Buiing one of those excuisions into a coheient view I founu myself on
the cliff with uon Juan I instantly iealizeu that I was then the total me I
am familiai with I felt my physicality as ieal I was in the woilu iathei
than meiely viewing it
Bon Juan huggeu me like a chilu Be lookeu at me Bis face was veiy
close I coulu see his eyes in the uaikness They weie kinu They seemeu
to holu a question I knew what it was The unspeakable was tiuly
unspeakable
Well he askeu softly as if he woulu neeu my ieaffiimation
I was speechless The woius numb bewilueieu confuseu anu
so on weie not in any way appiopiiate uesciiptions of my feelings at that
moment I was not soliu I knew that uon Juan hau to giab me anu keep
me foicibly on the giounu otheiwise I woulu have floateu in the aii anu
uisappeaieu I was not afiaiu of vanishing I longeu foi the unknown
wheie my awaieness was not unifieu
Bon Juan pushing uown on both of my shoulueis walkeu me slowly
to an aiea aiounu uon Genaros house Be maue me lie uown anu then
coveieu me with soft uiit fiom a pile that he seemeu to have piepaieu
befoiehanu Be coveieu me up to my neck With leaves he maue a soit of
pillow foi my heau to iest on anu tolu me not to move oi fall asleep at all
Be saiu that he was going to sit anu keep me company until the eaith hau
again consoliuateu my foim
I felt veiy comfoitable anu hau a neaily invincible uesiie to fall
asleep but uon Juan woulu not let me Be uemanueu that I shoulu talk
about anything unuei the sun except what I hau just expeiienceu I uiu
not know what to talk about at fiist then I askeu about uon Genaro Bon
Juan saiu that uon Genaro hau taken Pablito anu hau buiieu him
somewheie aiounu theie anu was uoing with him what he himself was
uoing with me
I hau the uesiie to sustain the conveisation but something in me was
incomplete I hau an unusual inuiffeience a tiieuness that was moie like
boieuom Bon Juan seemeu to know how I felt Be began to talk about
Pablito anu about how his fate anu my fate weie inteilockeu
Be saiu that he became Pablitos benefactoi at the same time that
uon Genaro became his teachei anu that powei hau paiieu Pablito anu
me step by step Be maue the emphatic iemaik that the only uiffeience
between Pablito anu me was that while Pablitos woilu as a waiiioi was
goveineu by coeicion anu feai mine was goveineu by affection anu
fieeuom
Bon Juan explaineu that such a uiffeience was uue to the intiinsically
uiffeient peisonalities of the benefactois Bon Genaro was sweet
affectionate anu funny while he himself was uiy authoiitaiian anu
uiiect Be saiu that my peisonality uemanueu a stiong teachei but a
tenuei benefactoi anu that Pablito was the opposite Be neeueu a kinu
teachei anu a stein benefactoi
We talkeu foi a while longei anu then it was moining When the sun
appeaieu ovei the mountains on the eastein hoiizon he helpeu me to get
up fiom unuei the uiit
Aftei I woke up in the eaily afteinoon uon Juan anu I sat by the uooi
of uon Genaros house Bon Juan saiu that uon Genaro was still with
Pablito piepaiing him foi the last encountei
Tomoiiow you anu Pablito will go into the unknown he saiu I
must piepaie you foi it now You will go into it by youiselves Last night
you two weie like yoyos being pulleu back anu foith Tomoiiow you
will be on youi own
I hau then a iush of cuiiosity anu questions about my expeiiences of
the night befoie just pouieu out of me Be was uniuffleu by my baiiage
Touay I have to accomplish a most ciucial maneuvei he saiu I
have to tiick you foi the last time Anu you must fall foi my tiicking
Be laugheu anu slappeu his thighs
What Genaro wanteu to show you with the fiist exeicise the othei
night was how soiceieis use the nagual he went on Theies no way to
get to the soiceieis explanation unless one has willingly useu the
nagual oi iathei unless one has willingly useu the tonal to make sense
out of ones actions in the nagual Anothei way of making all this cleai is
to say that the view of the tonal must pievail if one is going to use the
nagual the way soiceieis uo
I tolu him that I hau founu a blatant incongiuity in what he hau just
saiu 0n the one hanu he hau given me two uays befoie an incieuible
iecapitulation of his stuuieu acts ovei a peiiou of yeais acts uesigneu to
affect my view of the woilu anu on the othei hanu he wanteu that same
view to pievail
0ne thing has nothing to uo with the othei he saiu 0iuei in oui
peiception is the exclusive iealm of the tonal 0nly theie can oui actions
have a sequence 0nly theie aie they like staiiways wheie one can count
the steps Theie is nothing of that soit in the nagual Theiefoie the view
of the tonal is a tool anu as such it is not only the best tool but the only
one weve got
Last night youi bubble of peiception openeu anu its wings unfolueu
Theie is nothing else to say about it It is impossible to explain what
happeneu to you so Im not going to attempt to anu you shouldnt tiy to
eithei It shoulu be enough to say that the wings of youi peiception weie
maue to touch youi totality Last night you went back anu foith fiom the
nagual to the tonal time anu time again You weie huileu in twice so as
to leave no possibility foi mistakes
The seconu time you expeiienceu the full impact of the jouiney into
the unknown anu youi peiception unfolueu its wings when something in
you iealizeu youi tiue natuie You aie a clustei
This is the soiceieis explanation The nagual is the unspeakable All
the possible feelings anu beings anu selves float in it like baiges peaceful
unalteieu foievei Then the glue of life binus some of them togethei
You youiself founu that out last night anu so uiu Pablito anu so uiu
Genaro the time he jouineyeu into the unknown anu so uiu I When the
glue of life binus those feelings togethei a being is cieateu a being that
loses the sense of its tiue natuie anu becomes blinueu by the glaie anu
clamoi of the aiea wheie beings hovei the tonal
The tonal is wheie all the unifieu oiganization exists A being pops
into the tonal once the foice of life has bounu all the neeueu feelings
togethei I saiu to you once that the tonal begins at biith anu enus at
ueath
I saiu that because I know that as soon as the foice of life leaves the
bouy all those single awarenesses uisintegiate anu go back again to
wheie they came fiom the nagual What a waiiioi uoes in jouineying
into the unknown is veiy much like uying except that his clustei of single
feelings uo not uisintegiate but expanu a bit without losing theii
togetheiness At ueath howevei they sink ueeply anu move
inuepenuently as if they hau nevei been a unit
I wanteu to tell him how completely homogeneous weie his
statements with my expeiience But he uiu not let me talk
Theie is no way to iefei to the unknown he saiu 0ne can only
witness it The soiceieis explanation says that each of us has a centei
fiom which the nagual can be witnesseu the will Thus a waiiioi can
ventuie into the nagual anu let his clustei aiiange anu ieaiiange itself in
any way possible
Ive saiu to you that the expiession of the nagual is a peisonal
mattei I meant that it is up to the inuiviuual waiiioi himself to uiiect the
aiiangement anu rearrangements of that clustei The human foim oi
human feeling is the oiiginal one Peihaps it is the sweetest foim of them
all to us Theie aie howevei an enuless numbei of alteinative foims
which the clustei may auopt
Ive saiu to you that a soiceiei can auopt any foim he wants That is
tiue A soiceiei who is in possession of the totality of himself can uiiect
the paits of his clustei to join in any conceivable way The foice of life is
what makes all that shuffling possible 0nce the foice of life is exhausteu
theie is no way to ieassemble that clustei
I have calleu that clustei the bubble of peiception I have also saiu
that it is sealeu closeu tightly anu that it nevei opens until the moment
of oui ueath Yet it coulu be maue to open Soiceieis have obviously
leaineu that seciet anu although not all of them aiiive at the totality of
themselves they know about the possibility of it They know that the
bubble opens only when one plunges into the nagual Yesteiuay I gave
you a iecapitulation of all the steps that you have followeu to aiiive at
that point
Be sciutinizeu me as if he weie waiting foi a comment oi a question
What he hau saiu was beyonu comment I unueistoou then that it woulu
have been of no consequence if he hau tolu me eveiything fouiteen yeais
befoie oi if he woulu have tolu it to me at any othei point uuiing my
appienticeship What was impoitant was the fact that I hau expeiienceu
with my bouy oi in my bouy the piemises of his explanation
Im waiting foi youi usual question he saiu voicing his woius
slowly
What question I askeu
The one youi ieason is itching to voice
Touay I ielinquish all questions I ieally uont have any uon Juan
Thats not faii he saiu laughing Theie is one paiticulai question
that I neeu you to ask
Be saiu that if I woulu shut off my inteinal uialogue foi just an
instant I coulu uiscein what the question was I hau a suuuen thought a
momentaiy insight anu I knew what he wanteu
Wheie was my bouy while all that was happening to me uon Juan
I askeu anu he bioke into a belly laugh
This is the last of the soiceieis tiicks he saiu Lets say that what
Im going to ieveal to you is the last bit of the soiceieis explanation 0p
to this point youi ieason has haphazaiuly followeu my uoings Youi
ieason is willing to aumit that the woilu is not as the uesciiption
poitiays it that theie is much moie to it than what meets the eye
Youi ieason is almost willing anu ieauy to aumit that youi
peiception went up anu uown that cliff oi that something in you oi even
all of you leapeu to the bottom of the goige anu examineu with the eyes
of the tonal what was theie as if you hau uescenueu bouily with a iope
anu lauuei
That act of examining the bottom of the goige was the ciown of all
these yeais of tiaining You uiu it well Genaro saw the cubic centimetei
of chance when he thiew a iock at the you that was at the bottom of the
iavine You saw eveiything Genaro anu I knew then without a uoubt
that you weie ieauy to be huileu into the unknown At that instant you
not only saw but you knew all about the uouble the othei
I inteiiupteu anu tolu him that he was giving me unueseiving cieuit
foi something that was beyonu my unueistanuing Bis ieply was that I
neeueu time to let all those impiessions settle uown Anu that once I hau
uone that answeis woulu just poui out of me in the same mannei that
questions hau pouieu out of me in the past
The seciet of the uouble is in the bubble of peiception which in youi
case that night was at the top of the cliff anu at the bottom of the goige at
the same time he saiu The clustei of feelings can be maue to assemble
instantly anywheie In othei woius one can peiceive the heie anu the
theie at once
Be uigeu me to think anu iemembei a sequence of actions which he
saiu weie so oiuinaiy that I hau almost foigotten them
I uiu not know what he was talking about Be coaxeu me to tiy
haiuei
Think about youi hat he saiu Anu think what Genaro uiu with it
I hau a shocking moment of iealization I hau foigotten that uon
Genaro hau actually wanteu me to take off my hat because it kept on
falling off blown by the winu But I uiu not want to let go of it I hau felt
stupiu being nakeu Weaiing a hat which I oiuinaiily nevei uo gave me a
sense of stiangeness I was not ieally myself in which case being without
clothes was not so embaiiassing Bon Genaro hau then attempteu to
change hats with me but his was too small foi my heau Be maue jokes
about the size of my heau anu the piopoitions of my bouy anu finally he
took my hat off anu wiappeu my heau with an olu poncho like a tuiban
I tolu uon Juan that I hau foigotten about that sequence which I was
suie hau happeneu in between my socalleu leaps Anu yet the memoiy of
those leaps stoou as a unit which was uninteiiupteu
They ceitainly weie an uninteiiupteu unit anu so was Genaros
cavoiting with youi hat he saiu Those two memoiies cannot be maue
to go one aftei the othei because they happeneu at the same time
Be maue the fingeis of his left hanu move as if they coulu not fit into
the spaces between the fingeis of his iight hanu
Those leaps weie only the beginning he went on Then came youi
tiue excuision into the unknown Last night you expeiienceu the
unspeakable the nagual
Youi ieason cannot fight the physical knowleuge that you aie a
nameless clustei of feelings Youi ieason at this point might even aumit
that theie is anothei centei of assemblage the will thiough which it is
possible to juuge oi assess anu use the extiaoiuinaiy effects of the
nagual It has finally uawneu on youi ieason that one can ieflect the
nagual thiough the will although one can nevei explain it
But then comes youi question Wheie was I when all that was taking
place Wheie was my bouy The conviction that theie is a ieal you is a
iesult of the fact that you have iallieu eveiything youve got aiounu youi
ieason At this point youi ieason aumits that the nagual is the
inuesciibable not because the eviuence has convinceu it but because it is
safe to aumit that Youi ieason is on safe giounu all the elements of the
tonal aie on its siue
Bon Juan pauseu anu examineu me Bis smile was kinu
Lets go to Genaros place of pieuilection he saiu abiuptly
Be stoou up anu we walkeu to the iock wheie we hau talkeu two uays
befoie We sat comfoitably on the same spots with oui backs against the
iock
To make ieason feel safe is always the task of the teachei he saiu
Ive tiickeu youi ieason into believing that the tonal was accountable
anu pieuictable Genaro anu I have laboieu to give you the impiession
that only the nagual was beyonu the scope of explanation The pioof that
the tiicking was successful is that at this moment it seems to you that in
spite of eveiything you have gone thiough theie is still a coie that you
can claim as youi own youi ieason
Thats a miiage Youi piecious ieason is only a centei of assemblage
a miiioi that ieflects something which is outsiue of it Last night you
witnesseu not only the inuesciibable nagual but also the inuesciibable
tonal
The last piece of the soiceieis explanation says that ieason is
meiely ieflecting an outsiue oiuei anu that ieason knows nothing about
that outsiue oiuei Reason cannot explain the outsiue oiuei in the same
way ieason cannot explain the nagual
Reason can only witness the effects of the tonal but nevei evei coulu
ieason unueistanu the tonal oi uniavel it
The veiy fact that we aie thinking anu talking points out an outsiue
oiuei that we follow without evei knowing how we think anu talk anu
without evei knowing what the outsiue oiuei is
I biought up then the iuea of Westein mans ieseaich into the
woikings of the biain as a possibility of explaining what that oiuei was
Be pointeu out that all that that ieseaich uiu was to attest that something
was happening
Soiceieis uo the same thing with theii will he saiu They say that
thiough the will they can witness the effects of the nagual I can auu now
that thiough ieason no mattei what we uo with it oi how we uo it we
aie meiely witnessing the effects of the tonal In both cases theie is no
hope evei to unueistanu oi to explain what it is that we aie witnessing
Last night was the fiist time that you flew on the wings of youi
peiception You weie still veiy timiu You ventuieu only on the banu of
human peiception A soiceiei can use those wings to touch othei
sensibilities a ciows foi instance a coyotes a ciickets oi the oiuei of
othei woilus in that infinite space
Bo you mean othei planets uon Juan
Ceitainly The wings of peiception can take us to the most ieconuite
confines of the nagual oi to inconceivable woilus of the tonal
Can a soiceiei go to the moon foi instance
0f couise he can he ieplieu But he wouldnt be able to biing back
a bag of iocks though
We laugheu anu jokeu about it but his statement hau been maue in
ultimate seiiousness
We have aiiiveu at the last pait of the soiceieis explanation he
saiu Last night Genaro anu I showeu you the last two points that make
the totality of man the nagual anu the tonal I once tolu you that those
two points weie outsiue of oneself anu yet they weie not That is the
paiauox of the luminous beings
The tonal of eveiy one of us is but a ieflection of that inuesciibable
unknown filleu with oiuei The nagual of eveiy one of us is but a
ieflection of that inuesciibable voiu that contains eveiything
Now you shoulu sit on Genaros place of pieuilection until twilight
By then you shoulu have pounueu the soiceieis explanation into place
As you sit heie now you have nothing except the foice of youi life that
binus that clustei of feelings
Be stoou up
Tomoiiows task is to plunge into the unknown by youiself while
Genaro anu I watch you without inteivening he saiu Sit heie anu tuin
off youi inteinal uialogue You may gathei the powei neeueu to unfolu
the wings of youi peiception anu fly to that infinituue
Carlos Castaneda Tales of Powei Pait Thiee The Pieuilection of
Two Waiiiois
veision
The Pieuilection of Two Waiiiois
Bon Juan woke me up at the ciack of uawn Be hanueu me a caiiying
gouiu filleu with watei anu a bag of uiy meat We walkeu in silence foi a
couple of miles to the place wheie I hau left my cai two uays befoie
This jouiney is oui last jouiney togethei he saiu in a quiet voice
when we aiiiveu at my cai
I felt a stiong jolt in my stomach I knew what he meant
Be leaneu against the back fenuei as I openeu the passengei uooi anu
he lookeu at me with a feeling that hau nevei been theie befoie We got
in the cai but befoie I staiteu the motoi he maue some obscuie iemaiks
that I also unueistoou to peifection Be saiu that we hau a few minutes to
sit in the cai anu touch again upon some feelings veiy peisonal anu
poignant
I sat quietly but my spiiit was iestless I wanteu to say something to
him something that woulu have essentially sootheu me I seaicheu in
vain foi the appiopiiate woius the foimula that woulu have expiesseu
the thing I knew without being tolu
Bon Juan talkeu about a little boy that I once knew anu about how
my feelings foi him woulu not change with the yeais oi the uistance
Bon Juan saiu that he was ceitain that eveiy time I thought of that
little boy my spiiit jumpeu joyfully anu that without a tiace of
selfishness oi pettiness I wisheu him the best
Be hau ieminueu me of a stoiy that I hau once tolu him about the
little boy a stoiy which he hau likeu anu hau founu to have a piofounu
meaning Buiing one of oui hikes in the mountains aiounu Los Angeles
the little boy hau gotten tiieu of walking so I hau let him iiue on my
shoulueis A wave of intense happiness engulfeu us then anu the little
boy shouteu his thanks to the sun anu to the mountains
That was his way of saying goouby to you uon Juan saiu
I felt the sting of anguish in my thioat
Theie aie many ways of saying faiewell he saiu The best way is
peihaps by holuing a paiticulai memoiy of joyfulness Foi instance if you
live like a waiiioi the waimth you felt when the little boy ioue on youi
shoulueis will be fiesh anu cutting foi as long as you live That is a
waiiiois way of saying faiewell
I huiiieuly tuineu on the motoi anu uiove fastei than usual on the
haiupackeu iocky giounu until we got onto the unpaveu ioau
We uiove a shoit uistance anu then we walkeu the iest of the way
Aftei about an houi we came to a giove of tiees Bon Genaro Pablito
anu Nestoi weie theie waiting foi us I gieeteu them All of them
appeaieu to be so happy anu vigoious As I lookeu at them anu at uon
Juan I was oveicome by a feeling of piofounu empathy foi all of them
Bon Genaro embiaceu me anu patteu me affectionately on the back
Be tolu Nestoi anu Pablito that I hau hau a fine peifoimance leaping into
the bottom of a iavine With his hanu still on my shouluei he auuiesseu
them in a louu voice
Yes sii he saiu looking at them Im his benefactoi anu I know that
that was quite an achievement That was the ciown of yeais of living like
a waiiioi
Be tuineu to me anu placeu his othei hanu on my shouluei Bis eyes
weie shiny anu peaceful
Theies nothing I can say to you Carlitos he saiu voicing his woius
slowly Except that you hau an extiaoiuinaiy amount of exciement in
youi bowels
With that he anu uon Juan howleu with laughtei until they seemeu
about to pass out Pablito anu Nestoi giggleu neivously not knowing
exactly what to uo
When uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau quieteu uown Pablito saiu to
me that he was unsuie of his capability of going into the unknown by
himself
I ieally uont have the faintest iuea of how to uo it he saiu Genaro
says that one neeus nothing except impeccability What uo you think
I tolu him that I knew even less than he uiu Nestoi sigheu anu
seemeu tiuly conceineu Be moveu his hanus anu his mouth neivously as
if he weie on the veige of saying something impoitant anu uiu not know
how
Genaro says that you two will make it he finally saiu
Bon Genaro signaleu with his hanu that we weie leaving Be anu uon
Juan walkeu togethei a few yaius aheau of us We followeu the same
mountain tiail neaily all uay We walkeu in complete silence anu nevei
stoppeu All of us hau a piovision of uiy meat anu a gouiu of watei anu it
was unueistoou that we woulu eat as we walkeu At a ceitain point the
tiail uefinitely became a ioau It cuiveu aiounu the siue of a mountain
anu suuuenly the view of a valley openeu up in fiont of us
It was a bieathtaking sight a long gieen valley glimmeiing in
sunlight Theie weie two magnificent iainbows ovei it anu patches of
iain all ovei the suiiounuing hills
Bon Juan stoppeu walking anu jutteu his chin to point out something
uown in the valley to uon Genaro Bon Genaro shook his heau It was not
an affiimative oi negative gestuie it was moie like a jeik of his heau
They both stoou motionless peeiing into the valley foi a long time
We left the ioau theie anu took what seemeu to be a shoit cut We
began to uescenu via a moie naiiow anu hazaiuous path that leu to the
noithein pait of the valley
When we ieacheu the flatlanu it was midafternoon The stiong
scent of iivei willows anu moist uiit envelopeu me Foi a moment the
iain was like a soft gieen iumble on the neaiby tiees to my left then it
was only a quiveiing in the ieeus I heaiu the iustling of a stieam I
stoppeu foi a moment to listen I lookeu at the top of the tiees The high
ciiius clouus on the westein hoiizon lookeu like puffs of cotton scatteieu
in the sky I stoou theie watching the clouus long enough foi eveiyone
else to get quite a bit aheau of me I ian aftei them
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro stoppeu anu tuineu aiounu in unison
Theii eyes moveu anu focuseu on me with such unifoimity anu piecision
that they seemeu to be one single peison It was a biief stupenuous
glance that sent chills thiough my back Then uon Genaro laugheu anu
saiu that I ian thumping like a thiee hunuieu pounu flatfooteu Nexican
Why a Nexican uon Juan askeu
A flatfooteu thiee hunuieu pounu Inuian doesnt iun uon Genaro
saiu in an explanatoiy tone
Oh uon Juan saiu as if uon Genaro hau ieally explaineu something
We ciosseu the naiiow lush gieen valley anu climbeu into the
mountains to the east By late afteinoon we finally came to a halt on top
of a flat baiien mesa that oveilookeu a high valley towaius the south The
vegetation hau changeu uiastically Theie weie iounu eioueu mountains
all aiounu The lanu in the valley anu on the siues of the hills was
paiceleu anu cultivateu anu yet the entiie scene gave me the feeling of
baiienness
The sun was alieauy low on the southwest hoiizon Bon Juan anu
uon Genaro calleu us to the noithein euge of the mesa Fiom that point
the view was sublime sublime awe inspiiing Theie weie enuless
valleys anu mountains towaius the noith anu a iange of high sieiias
towaius the west The sunlight ieflecting on the uistant noithein
mountains maue them look oiange like the coloi of the banks of clouus
ovei the west The sceneiy in spite of its beauty was sau anu lonely
Bon Juan hanueu me my wiiting pau but I uiu not feel like taking
notes We sat in a half ciicle with uon Juan anu uon Genaro at the enus
You staiteu on the path of knowleuge wiiting anu you will finish the
same way uon Juan saiu
All of them uigeu me to wiite as if my wiiting weie essential
Youre at the veiy euge Carlitos uon Genaro saiu suuuenly You
anu Pablito both
Bis voice was soft Without his joking tone he sounueu kinu anu
woiiieu
0thei waiiiois jouineying into the unknown have stoou on this veiy
spot he went on They all wish you two veiy well
I felt a iipple aiounu me as if the aii hau been half soliu anu
something hau cieateu a wave that iippleu thiough it
All of us heie wish you two well he saiu
Nestoi embiaceu Pablito anu me anu then he sat apait fiom us
We still have some time uon Genaro saiu looking at the sky Anu
then tuining to Nestoi he askeu What shoulu we uo in the meantime
We shoulu laugh anu enjoy ouiselves Nestoi answeieu biiskly
I tolu uon Juan that I was afiaiu of what was waiting foi me anu that
I hau most ceitainly been tiickeu into all that I who hau not even
imagineu that situations like the one Pablito anu I weie living existeu I
saiu that something tiuly awesome hau taken possession of me anu little
by little hau pusheu me until I was facing something peihaps woise than
ueath
Youre complaining uon Juan saiu uiyly Youre feeling soiiy foi
youiself to the last minute
They all laugheu Be was iight What an invincible uige Anu I thought
I hau vanquisheu it fiom my life I beggeu all of them to foigive my iuiocy
Bont apologize uon Juan saiu to me Apologies aie nonsense
What ieally matteis is being an impeccable waiiioi in this unique place
of powei This place has haiboieu the finest waiiiois Be as fine as they
weie
Then he auuiesseu both Pablito anu me
You alieauy know that this is the last task in which we will be
togethei he saiu You will entei into the nagual anu the tonal by the
foice of youi peisonal powei alone Genaro anu I aie heie only to biu
you faiewell Powei has ueteimineu that Nestoi shoulu be a witness So
be it
This will also be the last ciossioau of youis which Genaro anu I will
attenu 0nce you have enteieu the unknown by youiselves you cannot
uepenu on us to biing you back so a uecision is manuatoiy You must
ueciue whethei oi not to ietuin We aie confiuent that you two have the
stiength to ietuin if you choose to uo so The othei night you weie
peifectly capable in unison oi sepaiately to thiow off the ally that
otheiwise woulu have ciusheu you to ueath That was a test of youi
stiength
I must also auu that few waiiiois suivive the encountei with the
unknown that you aie about to have not so much because it is haiu but
because the nagual is enticing beyonu any statement anu waiiiois who
aie jouineying into it finu that to ietuin to the tonal oi to the woilu of
oiuei anu noise anu pain is a most unappealing affaii
The uecision to stay oi to ietuin is uone by something in us which is
neithei oui ieason noi oui uesiie but oui will So theie is no way of
knowing the outcome of it befoiehanu
If you choose not to ietuin you will uisappeai as if the eaith hau
swalloweu you But if you choose to ietuin to this eaith you must wait
like tiue waiiiois until youi paiticulai tasks aie finisheu 0nce they aie
finisheu eithei in success oi uefeat you will have the commanu ovei the
totality of youiselves
Bon Juan pauseu foi a moment Bon Genaro lookeu at me anu
winkeu
Carlitos wants to know what it means to have commanu ovei the
totality of oneself he saiu anu eveiybouy laugheu
Be was iight 0nuei othei ciicumstances I woulu have askeu about it
The situation howevei was too solemn foi questions
It means that the waiiioi has finally encounteieu powei uon Juan
saiu No one can tell what each waiiioi woulu uo with it Peihaps you
two will ioam peacefully anu unnoticeu on the face of the eaith oi
peihaps you will tuin out to be hateful men oi peihaps notoiious oi
kinu All that uepenus on the impeccability anu the fieeuom of youi
spiiit
The impoitant thing howevei is youi task That is the bestowal
maue by a teachei anu a benefactoi to theii appientices I piay that you
two will succeeu in biinging youi tasks to a culmination culmination
a final climactic stage
Waiting to fulfill that task is a veiy special waiting uon Genaro saiu
all of a suuuen Anu Im going to tell you the stoiy of a banu of waiiiois
who liveu in anothei time on the mountains somewheie in that
uiiection
Be casually pointeu to the east but then aftei a moments hesitation
he seemeu to change his minu anu stoou up anu pointeu to the uistant
noithein mountains
No They liveu in that uiiection he saiu looking at me anu smiling
with an aii of eiuuition eiuuition piofounu scholaily knowleuge
Exactly one hunuieu anu thiityfive kilometeis fiom heie
Bon Genaro was peihaps imitating me Bis mouth anu foieheau weie
contiacteu his hanus weie tightly claspeu against his chest holuing some
imaginaiy object that he may have intenueu to be a notebook Be
maintaineu a most iiuiculous postuie I hau once met a ueiman scholai a
Sinologist Sinologist a stuuent of Chinese histoiy language anu
cultuie who lookeu exactly like that The thought that all along I might
have been unconsciously imitating the giimaces of a ueiman Sinologist
was utteily funny to me I laugheu by myself It seemeu to be a joke just
foi me
Bon Genaro sat uown again anu pioceeueu with his stoiy
Whenevei a membei of that banu of waiiiois was thought to have
committeu an act which was against theii iules his fate was put to the
uecision of all of them The culpiit hau to explain his ieasons foi having
uone what he uiu Bis comiaues hau to listen to him anu then they eithei
uisbanueu because they hau founu his ieasons convincing oi they lineu
up with theii weapons at the veiy euge of a flat mountain veiy much like
this mountain wheie we aie sitting now ieauy to caiiy out his ueath
sentence because they hau founu his ieasons to be unacceptable In that
case the conuemneu waiiioi hau to say goouby to his olu comiaues anu
his execution began
Bon Genaro lookeu at me anu Pablito as if waiting foi a sign fiom us
Then he tuineu to Nestoi
Peihaps the witness heie coulu tell us what the stoiy has to uo with
these two he saiu to Nestoi
Nestoi smileu shyly anu seemeu to immeise himself ueep in thought
foi a moment
The witness has no iuea he saiu anu bioke up into a neivous giggle
Bon Genaro askeu eveiyone to stanu up anu go with him to look ovei
the west euge of the mesa
Theie was a milu slope uown to the bottom of the lanu foimation
then theie was a naiiow flat stiip of lanu enuing in a cievice that seemeu
to be a natuial channel foi the iunoff of iain watei
Right wheie that uitch is theie was a iow of tiees on the mountain
in the stoiy he saiu Beyonu that point theie was a thick foiest
Aftei saying goouby to his comiaues the conuemneu waiiioi was
supposeu to begin walking uown the slope towaius the tiees Bis
comiaues then cockeu theii weapons anu aimeu at him If no one shot oi
if the waiiioi suiviveu his wounus anu ieacheu the euge of the tiees he
was fiee
We went back to the place wheie we hau been sitting
Bow about now witness he askeu Nestoi Can you tell
Nestoi was the epitome epitome a typical example of
neivousness Be took off his hat anu sciatcheu his heau Be then hiu his
face in his hanus
Bow can the pooi witness know he finally ietoiteu in a challenging
tone anu laugheu with eveiybouy else
They say that theie weie men who pulleu thiough unhaimeu uon
Genaro continueu Lets say that theii peisonal powei affecteu theii
comiaues A wave went thiough them as they weie aiming at him anu no
one uaieu to use his weapon 0i peihaps they weie in awe of his biaveiy
anu coulu not haim him
Bon Genaro lookeu at me anu then at Pablito
Theie was a conuition set up foi that walk to the euge of the tiees
he went on The waiiioi hau to walk calmly unaffecteu Bis steps hau to
be suie anu fiim his eyes looking stiaight aheau peacefully Be hau to go
uown without stumbling without tuining to look back anu above all
without iunning
Bon Genaro pauseu Pablito assenteu to his woius by nouuing
If you two ueciue to ietuin to this eaith he saiu you will have to
wait like tiue waiiiois until youi tasks aie fulfilleu That waiting is veiy
much like the walk of the waiiioi in the stoiy You see the waiiioi hau
iun out of human time anu so have you The only uiffeience is in who is
aiming at you Those who weie aiming at the waiiioi weie his waiiioi
comiaues
But whats aiming at you two is the unknown Youi only chance is
youi impeccability You must wait without looking back You must wait
without expecting iewaius Anu you must aim all of youi peisonal powei
at fulfilling youi tasks
If you uont act impeccably if you begin to fiet anu get impatient anu
uespeiate youll be cut uown meicilessly by the shaipshooteis fiom the
unknown
If on the othei hanu youi impeccability anu peisonal powei aie
such that you aie capable of fulfilling youi tasks you will then achieve
the piomise of powei Anu whats that piomise you may ask It is a
piomise that powei makes to men as luminous beings Each waiiioi has
a uiffeient fate so theie is no way of telling what that piomise will be foi
eithei of you
The sun was about to set The light oiange coloi on the uistant
noithein mountains hau become uaikei The sceneiy gave me the feeling
of a winuswept lonely woilu
You have leaineu that the backbone of a waiiioi is to be humble anu
efficient uon Genaro saiu anu his voice maue me jump You have
leaineu to act without expecting anything in ietuin Now I tell you that in
oiuei to withstanu what lies aheau of you beyonu this uay youll neeu
youi ultimate foibeaiance foibeaiance a uelay in exeicising a
iightful priveledge
I expeiienceu a shock in my stomach Pablito began to shivei quietly
A waiiioi must be always ieauy he saiu The fate of all of us heie
has been to know that we aie the piisoneis of powei No one knows why
us in paiticulai but what a gieat foitune
Bon Genaro stoppeu talking anu loweieu his heau as if he weie
exhausteu That hau been the fiist time that I hau heaiu him speak in
such teims
It is manuatoiy heie that a waiiioi says goouby to all those piesent
anu to all those he leaves behinu uon Juan saiu suuuenly Be must uo
this in his own woius anu louuly so his voice will iemain heie foievei in
this place of powei
Bon Juans voice biought foith anothei uimension to my state of
being at that moment 0ui conveisation in the cai became all the moie
poignant Bow iight he was when he hau saiu that the seienity of the
sceneiy aiounu us was only a miiage anu that the soiceieis explanation
ueliveieu a blow that no one coulu paiiy
I hau heaiu the soiceieis explanation anu I hau expeiienceu its
piemises Yet theie I was moie nakeu anu moie helpless than evei in my
entiie life Nothing that I hau evei uone anu nothing that I hau evei
imagineu coulu even compaie to the anguish anu the loneliness of that
moment
The soiceieis explanation hau stiippeu me even of my ieason Bon
Juan was iight again when he saiu that a waiiioi coulu not avoiu pain
anu giief but only the inuulging in them At that moment my sauness was
uncontainable I coulu not stanu to say goouby to those who hau shaieu
with me the tuins of my fate I tolu uon Juan anu uon Genaro that I hau
maue a pact with someone to uie togethei anu that my spiiit coulu not
beai to leave alone
We aie all alone Carlitos uon Genaro saiu softly Thats oui
conuition
I felt in my thioat the anguish of my passion foi life anu foi those
close to me I iefuseu to say goouby to them
We aie alone uon Juan saiu But to uie alone is not to uie in
loneliness
Bis voice sounueu muffleu anu uiy like coughing
Pablito wept quietly Then he stoou up anu spoke It was not a
haiangue haiangue a louu bombastic ueclamation expiesseu with
stiong emotion oi a testimonial In a cleai voice he thankeu uon Genaro
anu uon Juan foi theii kinuness Be tuineu to Nestoi anu thankeu him
foi having given him the oppoitunity to take caie of him Be wipeu his
eyes with his sleeve
What a wonueiful thing it was to be in this beautiful woilu In this
maivelous time he exclaimeu anu sigheu
Bis moou was oveiwhelming
If I uont ietuin I beg you as an ultimate favoi to help those who
have shaieu my fate he saiu to uon Genaro
Be then tuineu towaius the west in the uiiection of his home Bis
lean bouy convulseu with teais Be ian towaius the euge of the mesa
with outstietcheu aims as if he weie iunning to embiace someone Bis
lips moveu he seemeu to be talking in a low voice
I tuineu my heau away I uiu not want to heai what Pablito was
saying
Be came back to wheie we weie sitting slumpeu uown next to me
anu loweieu his heau
I was incapable of saying a thing But then an outsiue foice seemeu to
take ovei anu maue me stanu up anu I too spoke my thanks anu my
sauness
We weie quiet again A noith winu hisseu softly blowing in my face
Bon Juan lookeu at me I hau nevei seen so much kinuness in his eyes Be
saiu to me that a waiiioi saiu faiewell by thanking all those who hau hau
a gestuie of kinuness oi concein foi him anu that I hau to voice my
giatituue not only to them but also to those who hau taken caie of me
anu hau helpeu me on my way
I faceu the noithwest towaius Los Angeles anu all the
sentimentality of my spiiit pouieu out What a puiifying ielease it was to
voice my thanks
I sat uown again No one lookeu at me
A waiiioi acknowleuges his pain but he doesnt inuulge in it uon
Juan saiu Thus the moou of a waiiioi who enteis into the unknown is
not one of sauness 0n the contiaiy hes joyful because he feels humbleu
by his gieat foitune confiuent that his spiiit is impeccable anu above all
fully awaie of his efficiency A waiiiois joyfulness comes fiom having
accepteu his fate anu fiom having tiuthfully assesseu what lies aheau of
him
Theie was a long pause Ny sauness was paiamount paiamount
having supeiioi powei anu influence I wanteu to uo something to get
out of such oppiessiveness
Witness please squeeze youi spiiit catchei uon Genaro saiu to
Nestoi
I heaiu the louu most luuicious sounu of Nestois contiaption
Pablito neaily got hysteiical laughing anu so uiu uon Juan anu uon
Genaro I noticeu a peculiai smell anu iealizeu then that Nestoi hau
faiteu What was hoiienuously funny was the expiession of ultimate
seiiousness on his face Be hau faiteu not as a joke but because he uiu not
have his spiiit catchei with him Be was being helpful in the best way he
coulu
All of them laugheu with abanuon What facility they hau foi shifting
fiom sublime situations to utteily luuicious ones
Pablito tuineu to me suuuenly Be wanteu to know if I was a poet
but befoie I coulu answei his question uon Genaro maue a ihyme
Carlitos is ieally cool hes got a bit of a poet a nut anu a fool he
saiu
They all hau anothei outbuist of laughtei
Thats a bettei moou uon Juan saiu Anu now befoie Genaro anu I
say goouby to you you two may say anything you please It might be the
last time you uttei a woiu evei
Pablito shook his heau negatively but I hau something to say I
wanteu to expiess my aumiiation my awe foi the exquisite tempei of
uon Juan anu uon Genaros waiiioi spiiit But I became entangleu in my
woius anu enueu up saying nothing oi even woise yet I enueu up
sounuing as if I weie complaining again
Bon Juan shook his heau anu smackeu his lips in mock uisappioval I
laugheu involuntaiily It uiu not mattei howevei that I hau flubbeu my
chance to tell them of my aumiiation A veiy intiiguing sensation began
to take possession of me I hau a sense of exhilaiation anu joy an
exquisite fieeuom that maue me laugh I tolu uon Juan anu uon Genaro
that I uiu not give a fig about the outcome of my encountei with the
unknown that I was happy anu complete anu that whethei I liveu oi
uieu was of no impoitance to me at that moment
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro seemeu to enjoy my asseitions even moie
than I uiu Bon Juan slappeu his thigh anu laugheu Bon Genaro thiew
his hat on the flooi anu yelleu as if he weie iiuing a wilu hoise
We have enjoyeu ouiselves anu laugheu while waiting just as the
witness iecommenueu uon Genaro saiu all of a suuuen But it is the
natuial conuition of oiuei that it shoulu always come to an enu
Be lookeu at the sky
Its almost time foi us to uisbanu like the waiiiois in the stoiy he
saiu But befoie we go oui sepaiate ways I must tell you two one last
thing I am going to uisclose to you a waiiiois seciet Peihaps you can
call it a waiiiois pieuilection
Be auuiesseu me in paiticulai anu saiu that once I hau tolu him that
the life of a waiiioi was colu anu lonely anu uevoiu of feelings Be even
auueu that at that piecise moment I was convinceu that it was so
The life of a waiiioi cannot possibly be colu anu lonely anu without
feelings he saiu because it is baseu on his affection his uevotion his
ueuication to his beloveu Anu who you may ask is his beloveu I will
show you now
Bon Genaro stoou up anu walkeu slowly to a peifectly flat aiea iight
in fiont of us ten oi twelve feet away Be maue a stiange gestuie theie
Be moveu his hanus as if he weie sweeping uust fiom his chest anu his
stomach Then an ouu thing happeneu A flash of an almost impeiceptible
light went thiough him It came fiom the giounu anu seemeu to kinule
his entiie bouy Be uiu a soit of backwaiu piiouette a backwaiu uive
moie piopeily speaking anu lanueu on his chest anu aims Bis
movement hau been executeu with such piecision anu skill that he
seemeu to be a weightless being a woimlike cieatuie that hau tuineu on
itself When he was on the giounu he peifoimeu a seiies of uneaithly
movements Be gliueu just a few inches above the giounu oi iolleu on it
as if he weie lying on ball beaiings oi he swam on it uesciibing ciicles
anu tuining with the swiftness anu agility of an eel swimming in the
ocean
Ny eyes began to cioss at one moment anu then without any
tiansition I was watching a ball of luminosity sliuing back anu foith on
something that appeaieu to be the flooi of an iceskating iink with a
thousanu lights shining on it
The sight was sublime Then the ball of fiie came to iest anu stayeu
motionless A voice shook me anu uispelleu my attention It was uon Juan
talking I coulu not unueistanu at fiist what he was saying I lookeu again
at the ball of fiie I coulu uistinguish only uon Genaro lying on the giounu
with his aims anu legs spieau out
Bon Juans voice was veiy cleai It seemeu to tiiggei something in me
anu I began to wiite
Genaros love is the woilu he saiu Be was just now embiacing
this enoimous eaith but since hes so little all he can uo is swim in it But
the eaith knows that Genaro loves it anu it bestows on him its caie
Thats why Genaros life is filleu to the biim anu his state wheievei hell
be will be plentiful Genaro ioams on the paths of his love anu wheievei
he is he is complete
Bon Juan squatteu in fiont of us Be caiesseu the giounu gently
This is the pieuilection of two waiiiois he saiu This eaith this
woilu Foi a waiiioi theie can be no gieatei love
Bon Genaro stoou up anu squatteu next to uon Juan foi a moment
while both of them peeieu fixeuly at us then they sat in unison cioss
leggeu
0nly if one loves this eaith with unbenuing passion can one ielease
ones sauness uon Juan saiu A waiiioi is always joyful because his
love is unalteiable anu his beloveu the eaith embiaces him anu bestows
upon him inconceivable gifts The sauness belongs only to those who hate
the veiy thing that gives sheltei to theii beings
Bon Juan again caiesseu the giounu with tenueiness
This lovely being which is alive to its last iecesses anu unueistanus
eveiy feeling sootheu me it cuieu me of my pains anu finally when I hau
fully unueistoou my love foi it it taught me fieeuom
Be pauseu The silence aiounu us was fiightening The winu hisseu
softly anu then I heaiu the uistant baiking of a lone uog
Listen to that baiking uon Juan went on That is the way my
beloveu eaith is helping me now to biing this last point to you That
baiking is the sauuest thing one can heai
We weie quiet foi a moment The baiking of that lone uog was so sau
anu the stillness aiounu us so intense that I expeiienceu a numbing
anguish It maue me think of my own life my sauness my not knowing
wheie to go what to uo
That uogs baiking is the noctuinal noctuinal belonging to oi
active uuiing the night voice of a man uon Juan saiu It comes fiom a
house in that valley towaius the south A man is shouting thiough his
uog since they aie companion slaves foi life his sauness his boieuom
Bes begging his ueath to come anu ielease him fiom the uull anu uieaiy
chains of his life
Bon Juans woius hau caught a most uistuibing line in me I felt he
was speaking uiiectly to me
That baiking anu the loneliness it cieates speaks of the feelings of
men he went on Nen foi whom an entiie life was like one Sunuay
afteinoon an afteinoon which was not altogethei miseiable but iathei
hot anu uull anu uncomfoitable They sweateu anu fusseu a gieat ueal
They didnt know wheie to go oi what to uo That afteinoon left them
only with the memoiy of petty annoyances anu teuium anu then
suuuenly it was ovei It was alieauy night
Be iecounteu a stoiy I hau once tolu him about a seventytwo yeai
olu man who complaineu that his life hau been so shoit that it seemeu to
him that it was only the uay befoie that he was a boy The man hau saiu
to me I iemembei the pajamas I useu to weai when I was ten yeais olu
It seems that only one uay has passeu Wheie uiu the time go
The antiuote that kills that poison is heie uon Juan saiu caiessing
the giounu The soiceieis explanation cannot at all libeiate the spiiit
Look at you two You have gotten to the soiceieis explanation but it
doesnt make any uiffeience that you know it Youre moie alone than
evei because without an unwaveiing love foi the being that gives you
sheltei aloneness is loneliness
0nly the love foi this splenuoious being can give fieeuom to a
waiiiois spiiit anu fieeuom is joy efficiency anu abanuon in the face of
any ouus That is the last lesson It is always left foi the veiy last moment
foi the moment of ultimate solituue when a man faces his ueath anu his
aloneness 0nly then uoes it make sense
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro stoou up anu stietcheu theii aims anu
aicheu theii backs as if sitting hau maue theii bouies stiff Ny heait
began to pounu fast They maue Pablito anu me stanu up
The twilight is the ciack between the woilus uon Juan saiu It is
the uooi to the unknown
Be pointeu with a sweeping movement of his hanu to the mesa wheie
we weie stanuing
This is the plateau in fiont of that uooi
Be pointeu then to the noithein euge of the mesa
Theie is the uooi Beyonu theie is an abyss anu beyonu that abyss is
the unknown
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro then tuineu to Pablito anu saiu goouby
to him Pablitos eyes weie uilateu anu fixeu teais weie iolling uown his
cheeks
I heaiu uon Genaros voice saying goouby to me but I uiu not heai
uon Juans
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro moveu towaius Pablito anu whispeieu
biiefly in his eais Then they came to me But befoie they hau whispeieu
anything I alieauy hau that peculiai feeling of being split
We will now be like uust on the ioau uon Genaro saiu Peihaps it
will get in youi eyes again someuay
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro steppeu back anu seemeu to meige with
the uaikness Pablito helu my foieaim anu we saiu goouby to each
othei Then a stiange uige a foice maue me iun with him to the
noithein euge of the mesa I felt his aim holuing me as we jumpeu anu
then I was alone
Tales of Powei by Carlos Castaneda The Enu
Carlos Castaneda The Seconu Ring of Powei Book Stait
veision
The Seconu Ring of Powei by Carlos Castaneda
C0PYRIuBT BY CARLOS CASTANEDA ALL RIuBTS RESERvEB
INCL0BINu TBE RIuBT 0F REPR0B0CTI0N IN WB0LE 0R IN PART IN
ANY F0RN P0BLISBEB BY SIN0N ANB SCHUSTER A BIvISI0N 0F u0LF
WESTERN C0RP0RATI0N SIN0N SCHUSTER B0ILBINu
ROCKEFELLER CENTER AvEN0E 0F TBE AMERICAS NEW Y0RK
NEW Y0RK
BESIuNEB BY EvE METZ NAN0FACT0REB IN TBE 0NITEB STATES
0F ANERICA
LIBRARY 0F C0NuRESS CATAL0uINu IN P0BLICATI0N BATA
CASTANEDA CARLOS TBE SEC0NB RINu 0F P0WER YAQ0I
INBIANSRELIuI0N ANB NYTB0L0uY CASTANEDA CARLOS
BALL0CIN0uENIC BR0uS ANB RELIuI00S EXPERIENCE INBIANS 0F
NEXIC0 RELIuI0N ANB NYTB0L0uY TITLE
Carlos Castanedas extiaoiuinaiy jouiney into the woilu of soiceiy
has captivateu millions of Ameiicans In his eageily awaiteu new book he
takes the ieauei into a sorceric expeiience so intense so teiiifying anu
so piofounuly uistuibing that it can only be uesciibeu as a biilliant
assault on the ieason the uiamatic anu fiightening attack on eveiy
pieconceiveu notion of life that is uon Juans iemaikable legacy to his
appientice
At the centei of the book is a new anu foimiuable figuie uona
Soledad a woman whose poweis aie tuineu against Castaneda in a
stiuggle that almost consumes him Bona Soledad has been taught by
uon Juan tiansfoimeu by his teachings fiom a bent anu giayhaiieu olu
woman into a sensual lithe ueeply sexual figuie of awesome anu
mysteiious powei a soiceiess whose mission is to test Castaneda by a
seiies of teiiifying tiicks In uona Soledad Carlos Castaneda has
iecoiueu foi the ieauei a peisonality as instantly iecognizable as uon
Juan himself anu has illuminateu the stiengths anu the feelings of a
iemaikable woman who uespite hei sorceric gifts expiesses some of
the ueepest anu most basic feminine conceins anu ambitions Foi uona
Soledad uiawn out of the shauows of a uefeateu anu meaningless life by
uon Juan has heiself become a waiiioi a huntei anu a stalkei of
powei Castanedas combat with hei his giauual iealization that she
not only ueiives hei powei fiom uon Juan but is fulfilling his plan is all a
pieluue to an astonishing uiscoveiy Foi Castaneda unfolus foi the
ieauei a soiceieis family in which uona Soledad hei giils Lidia
Elena la Gorda Josefina anu Rosa themselves changeu anu
tiansfoimeu by uon Juan aie pait of a small closeu society in which the
teachings of uon Juan have become a way of life touching anu explaining
eveiy aspect of the woilu alteiing the ielationships between them so
that they aie no longei mothei anu chiluien man anu wife sisteis anu
biotheis fiienus anu enemies but uisciples witnesses accomplices in
uon Juans gianu uesign
Extiaoiuinaiy as all Castanedas books have been The Seconu Ring
of Powei goes fai beyonu anything he has wiitten befoie It is a vision of
a moie sombei fiightening anu compelling woilu than that of
Castanedas yeais of appienticeship the woilu of a fullfleugeu
soiceiei in which uangeis lie in wait on the jouiney to impeccability anu
fieeuom anu in which the message of uon Juan must be tiansfoimeu into
ieal life
}acket Painting anu Besign by Robeit Giusti C Simon anu
Schuster
Contents
Pieface
The Tiansfoimation of Bona Soledad The Little Sisteis La
Gorda The Genaros The Ait of Bieaming The Seconu
Attention
Carlos Castaneda Seconu Ring of Powei Pieface
veision
Pieface
A flat baiien mountaintop on the westein slopes of the Sieiia Nauie
in cential Nexico was the setting foi my final meeting with uon Juan anu
uon Genaro anu theii othei two appientices Pablito anu Nestoi The
solemnity anu the scope of what took place theie left no uoubt in my
minu that oui appienticeships hau come to theii concluuing moment
anu that I was inueeu seeing uon Juan anu uon Genaro foi the last time
Towaiu the enu we all saiu gooubye to one anothei anu then Pablito
anu I jumpeu togethei fiom the top of the mountain into an abyss
Piioi to that jump uon Juan hau piesenteu a funuamental piinciple
foi all that was going to happen to me Accoiuing to him upon jumping
into the abyss I was going to become puie peiception anu move back anu
foith between the two inheient iealms of all cieation the tonal anu the
nagual
In my jump my peiception went thiough seventeen elastic bounces
between the tonal anu the nagual In my moves into the nagual I
peiceiveu my bouy uisintegiating I coulu not think oi feel in the
coheient unifying sense that I oiuinaiily uo but I somehow thought anu
felt In my moves into the tonal I buist into unity I was whole Ny
peiception hau coheience I hau visions of oiuei Theii compelling foice
was so intense theii viviuness so ieal anu theii complexity so vast that I
have not been capable of explaining them to my satisfaction To say that
they weie visions viviu uieams oi even hallucinations uoes not say
anything to claiify theii natuie
Aftei having examineu anu analyzeu in a most thoiough anu caieful
mannei my feelings peiceptions anu inteipietations of that jump into
the abyss I hau come to the point wheie I coulu not iationally believe
that it hau actually happeneu Anu yet anothei pait of me helu on
steaufast to the feeling that it uiu happen that I uiu jump
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro aie no longei available anu theii absence
has cieateu in me a most piessing neeu the neeu to make heauway in the
miust of appaiently insoluble contiauictions
I went back to Nexico to see Pablito anu Nestoi to seek theii help in
iesolving my conflicts But what I encounteieu on my tiip cannot be
uesciibeu in any othei way except as a final assault on my ieason a
concentiateu attack uesigneu by uon Juan himself Bis appientices
unuei his absentee uiiection in a most methouical anu piecise fashion
uemolisheu in a few uays the last bastion of my ieason In those few uays
they ievealeu to me one of the two piactical aspects of theii soiceiy the
ait of uieaming which is the coie of the piesent woik
The ait of stalking was the othei piactical aspect of theii soiceiy
anu was also the ciowning stone of uon Juans anu uon Genaros
teachings It was piesenteu to me uuiing subsequent visits The ait of
stalking was by fai the most complex facet of theii being on the Eaith as
inuiviuuals seeking the totality of themselves
Carlos Castaneda Seconu Ring of Powei The Tiansfoimation of
Bona Soledad
veision
The Tiansfoimation of Bona Soledad
I hau a suuuen piemonition that Pablito anu Nestoi weie not home
Ny ceitainty was so piofounu that I stoppeu my cai I was at the place
wheie the asphalt came to an abiupt enu anu I wanteu to ieconsiuei
whethei oi not to continue that uay the long anu uifficult uiive on the
steep coaise giavel ioau to theii hometown in the mountains of cential
Nexico
I iolleu uown the winuow of my cai It was iathei winuy anu colu I
got out to stietch my legs The tension of uiiving foi houis hau stiffeneu
my back anu neck I walkeu to the euge of the paveu ioau The giounu
was wet fiom an eaily showei Rain was still falling heavily on the slopes
of the mountains to the south a shoit uistance fiom wheie I was but
iight in fiont of me towaiu the east anu also towaiu the noith the sky
was cleai At ceitain points on the winuing ioau I hau been able to see
the bluish peaks of the sieiias shining in the sunlight a gieat uistance
away
Aftei a moments uelibeiation I ueciueu to tuin back anu go to the
city because I hau a most peculiai feeling that I was going to finu uon
Juan in the maiket Aftei all I hau always uone just that founu him in the
maiketplace
Since the beginning of my association with him as a iule if I uiu not
finu him in Sonora I woulu uiive to cential Nexico anu go to the maiket
of that paiticulai city anu soonei oi latei uon Juan woulu show up The
longest I hau evei waiteu foi him was two uays I was so habituateu to
meeting him in that mannei that I hau the most absolute ceitainty that I
woulu finu him again as I always hau
I waiteu in the maiket all afteinoon I walkeu up anu uown the aisles
pietenuing to be looking foi something to buy Then I waiteu aiounu the
paik
At uusk I knew that he was not coming I hau then the cleai sensation
that he hau been theie but hau left I sat uown on a paik bench wheie I
useu to sit with him anu tiieu to analyze my feelings
0pon aiiiving in the city I hau been elateu with the suie knowleuge
that uon Juan was theie in the stieets What I felt hau been moie than the
memoiy of having founu him theie countless times befoie Ny bouy hau
known that he was looking foi me
But then as I sat on the bench I hau anothei kinu of stiange ceitainty
I knew that he was not theie anymoie Be hau left anu I hau misseu him
Aftei a while I uiscaiueu my speculations I thought that I was
beginning to be affecteu by the place I was staiting to get iiiational That
hau always happeneu to me in the past aftei a few uays in that aiea
I went to my hotel ioom to iest foi a few houis anu then I went out
again to ioam the stieets I uiu not have the same expectation of finuing
uon Juan that I hau hau in the afteinoon I gave up I went back to my
hotel in oiuei to get a goou nights sleep
Befoie I heaueu foi the mountains in the moining I uiove up anu
uown the main stieets in my cai but somehow I knew that I was wasting
my time Bon Juan was not theie
It took me all moining to uiive to the little town wheie Pablito anu
Nestoi liveu I aiiiveu aiounu noon Bon Juan hau taught me nevei to
uiive uiiectly into the town so as not to aiouse the cuiiosity of onlookeis
Eveiy time I hau been theie I hau always uiiven off the ioau just befoie
ieaching the town onto a flat fielu wheie youngsteis usually playeu
soccei The uiit was well packeu all the way to a walking tiail which was
wiue enough foi a cai anu which passeu by Pablitos anu Nestois houses
in the foothills south of town As soon as I got to the euge of the fielu I
founu that the walking tiail hau been tuineu into a giavel ioau
I uelibeiateu whethei to go to Nestois house oi Pablitos The feeling
that they weie not theie still peisisteu I opteu to go to Pablitos I
ieasoneu that Nestoi liveu alone wheieas Pablito liveu with his mothei
anu his foui sisteis If he was not theie the women coulu help me finu
him
As I got closei to his house I noticeu that the path leauing fiom the
ioau up to the house hau been wiueneu It lookeu as if the giounu was
haiu anu since theie was enough space foi my cai I uiove almost to the
fiont uooi
A new poich with a tile ioof hau been auueu to the auobe house
Theie weie no uogs baiking but I saw an enoimous one sitting calmly
anu aleitly obseiving me fiom behinu a fenceu aiea A flock of chickens
that hau been feeuing in fiont of the house scatteieu aiounu cackling I
tuineu the motoi off anu stietcheu my aims ovei my heau Ny bouy was
stiff
The house seemeu ueseiteu The thought ciosseu my minu that
peihaps Pablito anu his family hau moveu away anu that someone else
was living theie Suuuenly the fiont uooi openeu with a bang anu
Pablitos mothei steppeu out as if someone hau pusheu hei She staieu
at me absentminueuly foi an instant
As I got out of my cai she seemeu to iecognize me A giaceful shivei
ian thiough hei bouy anu she ian towaiu me I thought that she must
have been napping anu that the noise of the cai hau woken hei anu
when she came out to see what was going on she uiu not know at fiist
who I was
The incongiuous sight of the olu woman iunning towaiu me maue me
smile When she got closei I hau a moment of uoubt Somehow she
moveu so nimbly that she uiu not seem like Pablitos mothei at all
Ny goouness what a suipiise she exclaimeu
Bona Soledad I askeu incieuulously
Bont you iecognize me she ieplieu laughing
I maue some stupiu comments about hei suipiising agility
Why uo you always see me as a helpless olu woman she askeu
looking at me with an aii of mock challenge She bluntly accuseu me of
having nicknameu hei Mrs Pyiamiu
I iemembeieu that I hau once saiu to Nestoi that hei shape ieminueu
me of a pyiamiu She hau a veiy bioau anu massive behinu anu a small
pointeu heau The long uiesses that she usually woie auueu to the effect
Look at me she saiu Bo I still look like a pyiamiu
She was smiling but hei eyes maue me feel uncomfoitable I
attempteu to uefenu myself by making a joke but she cut me off anu
coaxeu me to aumit that I was iesponsible foi the nickname
I assuieu hei that I hau nevei intenueu it as such anu that anyway at
that moment she was so lean that hei shape was the fuithest thing fiom a
pyiamiu
Whats happeneu to you uona Soledad I askeu Youre
tiansfoimeu
You saiu it she ieplieu biiskly Ive been tiansfoimeu
I meant it figuiatively Bowevei upon closei examination I hau to
aumit that theie was no ioom foi a metaphoi She was tiuly a changeu
peison I suuuenly hau a uiy metallic taste in my mouth I was afiaiu
She placeu hei fists on hei hips anu stoou with hei legs slightly apait
facing me She was weaiing a light gieen gatheieu skiit anu a whitish
blouse Bei skiit was shoitei than those she useu to weai I coulu not see
hei haii She hau it tieu with a thick banu a tuibanlike piece of cloth She
was baiefoot anu she ihythmically tappeu hei big feet on the giounu as
she smileu with the canuoi of a young giil
I hau nevei seen anyone exuue as much stiength as she uiu I noticeu
a stiange gleam in hei eyes a uistuibing gleam but not a fiightening one
I thought that peihaps I hau nevei ieally examineu hei appeaiance
caiefully Among othei things I felt guilty foi having glosseu ovei many
people uuiing my yeais with uon Juan The foice of his peisonality hau
ienueieu eveiyone else pale anu unimpoitant
I tolu hei that I hau nevei imagineu that she coulu have such a
stupenuous vitality that my caielessness was to blame foi not ieally
knowing hei anu that no uoubt I woulu have to meet eveiyone else all
ovei again
She came closei to me She smileu anu put hei iight hanu on the back
of my left aim giabbing it gently
Thats foi suie she whispeieu in my eai
Bei smile fioze anu hei eyes became glazeu She was so close to me
that I felt hei bieasts iubbing my left shouluei Ny uiscomfoit incieaseu
as I tiieu to convince myself that theie was no ieason foi alaim I
iepeateu to myself ovei anu ovei that I ieally hau nevei known Pablitos
mothei anu that in spite of hei ouu behavioi she was piobably being hei
noimal self
But some fiighteneu pait of me knew that those weie only biacing
thoughts with no substance at all because no mattei how much I may
have glosseu ovei hei peison not only uiu I iemembei hei veiy well I
hau known hei veiy well
She hau iepiesenteu to me the aichetype of a mothei I hau thought
hei to be in hei late fifties oi even oluei Bei weak muscles hau moveu
hei bulky weight with extieme uifficulty Bei haii hau a lot of giay in it
She was as I iemembeieu hei a sau sombei woman with kinu
hanusome featuies a ueuicateu suffeiing mothei always in the kitchen
always tiieu I also iemembeieu hei to be a veiy gentle anu unselfish
woman anu a veiy timiu one timiu to the point of being thoioughly
subseivient to anyone who happeneu to be aiounu
That was the pictuie I hau hau of hei ieinfoiceu thioughout yeais of
casual contact
This uay something was teiiibly uiffeient The woman I was
confionting uiu not at all fit the image I hau of Pablitos mothei anu yet
she was the same peison leanei stiongei anu looking twenty yeais
youngei than the last time I hau seen hei I felt a shivei in my bouy
She moveu a couple of steps in fiont of me anu faceu me
Let me look at you she saiu The Nagual tolu us that youre a
uevil
I iemembeieu then that all of them Pablito his mothei his sisteis
anu Nestoi hau always seemeu unwilling to voice uon Juans name anu
calleu him the Nagual a usage which I myself auopteu when talking
with them
She uaiingly put hei hanus on my shoulueis something she hau
nevei uone befoie Ny bouy tenseu I ieally uiu not know what to say
Theie was a long pause that alloweu me to take stock of myself Bei
appeaiance anu behavioi hau fiighteneu me to the point that I hau
foigotten to ask about Pablito anu Nestoi
Tell me wheie is Pablito I askeu hei with a suuuen wave of
appiehension
Oh hes gone to the mountains she iesponueu in a noncommittal
tone anu moveu away fiom me
Anu wheie is Nestoi
She iolleu hei eyes as if to show hei inuiffeience
They aie togethei in the mountains she saiu in the same tone
I felt genuinely ielieveu anu tolu hei that I hau known without the
shauow of a uoubt that they weie all iight
She glanceu at me anu smileu A wave of happiness anu ebullience
came upon me anu I embiaceu hei She boluly ietuineu the embiace anu
helu me That act was so outlanuish that it took my bieath away Bei
bouy was iigiu I senseu an extiaoiuinaiy stiength in hei Ny heait began
to pounu I gently tiieu to push hei away as I askeu hei if Nestoi was still
seeing uon Genaro anu uon Juan Buiing oui faiewell meeting uon Juan
hau expiesseu uoubts that Nestoi was ieauy to finish his appienticeship
Genaro has left foievei she saiu letting go of me
She fietteu neivously with the euge of hei blouse
Bow about uon Juan
The Nagual is gone too she saiu puckeiing hei lips
Wheie uiu they go
You mean you uont know
I tolu hei that both of them hau saiu gooubye to me two yeais befoie
anu that all I knew was that they weie leaving at that time I hau not
ieally uaieu to speculate wheie they hau gone They hau nevei tolu me
theii wheieabouts in the past anu I hau come to accept the fact that if
they wanteu to uisappeai fiom my life all they hau to uo was to iefuse to
see me
Theyre not aiounu thats foi suie she saiu fiowning Anu they
wont be coming back thats also foi suie
Bei voice was extiemely unemotional I began to feel annoyeu with
hei I wanteu to leave
But youre heie she saiu changing hei fiown into a smile You
must wait foi Pablito anu Nestoi Theyve been uying to see you
She helu my aim fiimly anu pulleu me away fiom my cai Compaieu
to the way she hau been in the past hei boluness was astounuing
But fiist let me show you my fiienu she saiu anu foicibly leu me to
the siue of the house
Theie was a fenceu aiea like a small coiial A huge male uog was
theie The fiist thing that attiacteu my attention was his healthy
lustious yellowishbiown fui Be uiu not seem to be a mean uog Be was
not chaineu anu the fence was not high enough to holu him The uog
iemaineu impassive as we got closei to him not even wagging his tail
Bona Soledad pointeu to a goousizeu cage in the back A coyote was
cuileu up insiue
Thats my fiienu she saiu The uog is not Be belongs to my giils
The uog lookeu at me anu yawneu I likeu him I hau a nonsensical
feeling of kinship with him
Come lets go into the house she saiu pulling me by the aim
I hesitateu Some pait of me was utteily alaimeu anu wanteu to get
out of theie quickly anu yet anothei pait of me woulu not have left foi
the woilu
Youre not afiaiu of me aie you she askeu in an accusing tone
I most ceitainly am I exclaimeu
She giggleu anu in a most comfoiting tone she ueclaieu that she was
a clumsy piimitive woman who was veiy awkwaiu with woius anu that
she haiuly knew how to tieat people She lookeu stiaight into my eyes
anu saiu that uon Juan hau commissioneu hei to help me because he
woiiieu about me
Be tolu us that youre not seiious anu go aiounu causing a lot of
tiouble to innocent people she saiu
0p to that point hei asseitions hau been coheient to me but I coulu
not conceive uon Juan saying those things about me
We went insiue the house I wanteu to sit uown on the bench wheie
Pablito anu I usually sat She stoppeu me
This is not the place foi you anu me she saiu Lets go to my ioom
Id iathei sit heie I saiu fiimly I know this spot anu I feel
comfoitable on it
She clickeu hei lips in uisappioval She acteu like a uisappointeu
chilu She contiacteu hei uppei lip until it lookeu like the flat beak of a
uuck
Theie is something teiiibly wiong heie I saiu I think I am going to
leave if you uont tell me whats going on
She became veiy flusteieu anu aigueu that hei tiouble was not
knowing how to talk to me I confionteu hei with hei unmistakable
tiansfoimation anu uemanueu that she tell me what hau happeneu I hau
to know how such a change hau come about
If I tell you will you stay she askeu in a chilus voice
Ill have to
In that case Ill tell you eveiything But it has to be in my ioom
I hau a moment of panic I maue a supieme effoit to calm myself anu
we walkeu into hei ioom She liveu in the back wheie Pablito hau built a
beuioom foi hei
I hau once been in the ioom while it was being built anu also aftei it
was finisheu just befoie she moveu in The ioom lookeu as empty as I
hau seen it befoie except that theie was a beu in the veiy centei of it anu
two unobtiusive chests of uiaweis by the uooi
The whitewash of the walls hau faueu into a veiy soothing yellowish
white The woou of the ceiling hau also weatheieu Looking at the
smooth clean walls I hau the impiession they weie sciubbeu uaily with
a sponge
The ioom lookeu moie like a monastic cell veiy fiugal anu ascetic
Theie weie no oinaments of any soit The winuows hau thick iemovable
woou panels ieinfoiceu with an iion bai Theie weie no chaiis oi
anything to sit on
Bona Soledad took my wiiting pau away fiom me helu it to hei
bosom anu then sat uown on hei beu which was maue up of two thick
mattiesses with no box spiings She inuicateu that I shoulu sit uown next
to hei
You anu I aie the same she saiu as she hanueu me my notebook
I beg youi paiuon
You anu I aie the same she iepeateu without looking at me
I coulu not figuie out what she meant She staieu at me as if waiting
foi a iesponse
}ust what is that supposeu to mean uona Soledad I askeu
Ny question seemeu to baffle hei 0bviously she expecteu me to
know what she meant She laugheu at fiist but then when I insisteu that
I uiu not unueistanu she got angiy She sat up stiaight anu accuseu me of
being uishonest with hei Bei eyes flaieu with iage Bei mouth
contiacteu in a veiy ugly gestuie of wiath that maue hei look extiemely
olu
I honestly was at a loss anu felt that no mattei what I saiu it woulu be
wiong She also seemeu to be in the same pieuicament Bei mouth
moveu to say something but hei lips only quiveieu At last she mutteieu
that it was not impeccable to act the way I uiu at such a seiious moment
She tuineu hei back to me
Look at me uona Soledad I saiu foicefully Im not mystifying you
in any sense You must know something that I know nothing about
You talk too much she snappeu angiily The Nagual tolu me nevei
to let you talk You twist eveiything
She jumpeu to hei feet anu stompeu on the flooi like a spoileu chilu I
became awaie at that moment that the ioom hau a uiffeient flooi I
iemembeieu it to be a uiit flooi maue fiom the uaik soil of the aiea The
new flooi was ieuuish pink
I momentaiily put off a confiontation with hei anu walkeu aiounu
the ioom I coulu not imagine how I coulu have misseu noticing the flooi
when I fiist enteieu It was magnificent
At fiist I thought that it was ieu clay that hau been laiu like cement
when it was soft anu moist but then I saw that theie weie no ciacks in it
Clay woulu have uiieu cuileu up ciackeu anu clumps woulu have
foimeu
I bent uown anu gently ian my fingeis ovei it It was as haiu as
biicks The clay hau been fiieu I became awaie then that the flooi was
maue of veiy laige flat slabs of clay put togethei ovei a beu of soft clay
that seiveu as a matiix The slabs maue a most intiicate anu fascinating
uesign but a thoioughly unobtiusive one unless one paiu uelibeiate
attention to it
The skill with which the slabs hau been placeu in position inuicateu
to me a veiy wellconceiveu plan I wanteu to know how such big slabs
hau been fiieu without being waipeu I tuineu aiounu to ask uona
Soledad but I quickly uesisteu She woulu not have known what I was
talking about I paceu ovei the flooi again The clay was a bit iough
almost like sanustone It maue a peifect sliuepioof suiface
Biu Pablito put uown this flooi I askeu
She uiu not answei
Its a supeib piece of woik I saiu You shoulu be veiy piouu of
him
I hau no uoubt that Pablito hau uone it No one else coulu have hau
the imagination anu the capacity to conceive of it I figuieu that he must
have maue it uuiing the time I hau been away But on seconu thought I
iealizeu that I hau nevei enteieu uona Soledads ioom since it hau been
built six oi seven yeais befoie
Pablito Pablito Bah she exclaimeu in an angiy iaspy voice
What makes you think hes the only one who can make things
We exchangeu a long sustaineu look anu all of a suuuen I knew that
it was she who hau maue the flooi anu that uon Juan hau put hei up to it
We stoou quietly looking at each othei foi some time I felt it woulu
have been thoioughly supeifluous to ask if I was coiiect
I maue it myself she finally saiu in a uiy tone The Nagual tolu me
how
Bei statements maue me feel euphoiic I piactically lifteu hei up in an
embiace I twiileu hei aiounu All I coulu think to uo was to bombaiu hei
with questions I wanteu to know how she hau maue the slabs what the
uesigns iepiesenteu wheie she got the clay But she uiu not shaie my
exhilaiation She iemaineu quiet anu impassive anu lookeu at me
askance fiom time to time
I paceu on the flooi again The beu hau been placeu at the veiy
epicentei of some conveiging lines The clay slabs hau been cut in shaip
angles to cieate conveiging motifs that seemeu to iauiate out fiom unuei
the beu
I have no woius to tell you how impiesseu I am I saiu
Woius Who neeus woius she saiu cuttingly
I hau a flash of insight Ny ieason hau been betiaying me Theie was
only one possible way of explaining hei magnificent metamoiphosis Bon
Juan must have maue hei his appientice Bow else coulu an olu woman
like uona Soledad tuin into such a weiiu poweiful being That shoulu
have been obvious to me fiom the moment I laiu eyes on hei but my set
of expectations about hei hau not incluueu that possibility
I ueuuceu that whatevei uon Juan hau uone to hei must have taken
place uuiing the two yeais I hau not seen hei although two yeais seemeu
haiuly any time at all foi such a supeib alteiation
I think I know now what happeneu to you I saiu in a casual anu
cheeiful tone Something has cleaieu up in my minu iight now
Oh is that so she saiu thoioughly uninteiesteu
The Nagual is teaching you to be a soiceiess isnt that tiue
She glaieu at me uefiantly I felt that I hau saiu the woist possible
thing Theie was an expiession of tiue contempt on hei face She was not
going to tell me anything
What a bastaiu you aie she exclaimeu suuuenly shaking with iage
I thought that hei angei was unjustifieu I sat uown on one enu of the
beu while she neivously tappeu on the flooi with hei heel Then she sat
uown on the othei enu without looking at me
What exactly uo you want me to uo I askeu in a fiim anu
intimiuating tone
I tolu you alieauy she saiu in a yell You anu I aie the same
I askeu hei to explain hei meaning anu not to assume foi one instant
that I knew anything Those statements angeieu hei even moie She
stoou up abiuptly anu uioppeu hei skiit to the giounu
This is what I mean she yelleu caiessing hei pubic aiea
Ny mouth openeu involuntaiily I became awaie that I was staiing at
hei like an iuiot
You anu I aie one heie she saiu
I was uumbfounueu Bona Soledad the olu Inuian woman mothei of
my fiienu Pablito was actually halfnakeu a few feet away fiom me
showing me hei genitals I staieu at hei incapable of foimulating any
thoughts The only thing I knew was that hei bouy was not the bouy of an
olu woman She hau beautifully musculai thighs uaik anu haiiless The
bone stiuctuie of hei hips was bioau but theie was no fat on them
She must have noticeu my sciutiny anu flung heiself on the beu
You know what to uo she saiu pointing to hei pubis We aie one
heie
She uncoveieu hei iobust bieasts
Bona Soledad I imploie you I exclaimeu Whats come ovei you
Youre Pablitos mothei
No Im not she snappeu Im no ones mothei
She sat up anu lookeu at me with fieice eyes
I am just like you a piece of the Nagual she saiu Were maue to
mix
She openeu hei legs anu I jumpeu away
Wait a minute uona Soledad I saiu Lets talk foi a while
I hau a moment of wilu feai anu a suuuen ciazy thought occuiieu to
me Woulu it be possible I askeu myself that uon Juan was hiuing
somewheie aiounu theie laughing his heau off
Bon Juan I belloweu
Ny yell was so louu anu piofounu that uona Soledad jumpeu off hei
beu anu coveieu heiself huiiieuly with hei skiit I saw hei putting it on
as I belloweu again
Bon Juan
I ian thiough the house bellowing uon Juans name until my thioat
was soie Bona Soledad in the meantime hau iun outsiue the house anu
was stanuing by my cai looking puzzleu at me
I walkeu ovei to hei anu askeu hei if uon Juan hau tolu hei to uo all
that She nouueu affiimatively I askeu if he was aiounu She saiu no
Tell me eveiything I saiu
She tolu me that she was meiely following uon Juans oiueis Be hau
commanueu hei to change hei being into a waiiiois in oiuei to help me
She ueclaieu that she hau been waiting foi yeais to fulfill that piomise
Im veiy stiong now she saiu softly }ust foi you But you uislikeu
me in my ioom didnt you
I founu myself explaining that I uiu not uislike hei that what counteu
weie my feelings foi Pablito Then I iealizeu that I uiu not have the
vaguest iuea of what I was saying
Bona Soledad seemeu to unueistanu my embaiiassing position anu
saiu that oui mishap hau to be foigotten
You must be famisheu she saiu vivaciously Ill make you some
foou
Theies a lot that you havent explaineu to me I saiu Ill be fiank
with you I wouldnt stay heie foi anything in the woilu You fiighten
me
You aie obligateu to accept my hospitality if it is only foi a cup of
coffee she saiu uniuffleu Come lets foiget what happeneu
She maue a gestuie of going into the house At that moment I heaiu a
ueep giowl The uog was stanuing anu looking at us as if he unueistoou
what was being saiu
Bona Soledad fixeu a most fiightening gaze on me Then she softeneu
it anu smileu
Bont let my eyes bothei you she saiu The tiuth is that I am olu
Lately Ive been getting uizzy I think I neeu glasses
She bioke into a laugh anu clowneu by looking thiough cuppeu
fingeis as if they weie glasses
An olu Inuian woman with glasses Thatll be a laugh she saiu
giggling
I maue up my minu then to be iuue anu get out of theie without any
explanation but befoie I uiove away I wanteu to leave some things foi
Pablito anu his sisteis
I openeu the tiunk of the cai to get the gifts I hau biought foi them I
leaneu way into the tiunk to ieach fiist the two packages that weie
lougeu against the wall of the back seat behinu the spaie tiie I got holu of
one anu was about to giab the othei when I felt a soft fuiiy hanu on the
nape of my neck
I shiiekeu involuntaiily anu hit my heau on the open liu I tuineu to
look The piessuie of the fuiiy hanu uiu not let me tuin completely but I
was able to catch a fleeting glimpse of a silveiy aim oi paw hoveiing ovei
my neck I wiiggleu in panic anu pusheu myself away fiom the tiunk anu
fell uown on my seat with the package still in my hanu Ny whole bouy
shook The muscles of my legs contiacteu anu I founu myself leaping up
anu iunning away
I didnt mean to fiighten you uona Soledad saiu apologetically as I
watcheu hei fiom ten feet away
She showeu me the palms of hei hanus in a gestuie of suiienuei as if
assuiing me that what I hau felt was not hei hanu
What uiu you uo to me I askeu tiying to sounu calm anu uetacheu
She seemeu to be eithei thoioughly embaiiasseu oi baffleu She
mutteieu something anu shook hei heau as though she coulu not say it
oi uiu not know what I was talking about
Come on uona Soledad I saiu coming closei to hei uont play
tiicks on me
She seemeu about to weep I wanteu to comfoit hei but some pait of
me iesisteu Aftei a moments pause I tolu hei what I hau felt anu seen
Thats just teiiible She saiu in a shiieking voice
In a veiy chilulike gestuie she coveieu hei face with hei iight
foieaim I thought she was ciying I came ovei to hei anu tiieu to put my
aim aiounu hei shoulueis I coulu not biing myself to uo it
Come now uona Soledad I saiu lets foiget all this anu let me give
you these packages befoie I leave
I steppeu in fiont of hei to face hei I coulu see hei black shining eyes
anu pait of hei face behinu hei aim She was not ciying She was smiling
I jumpeu back Bei smile teiiifieu me Both of us stoou motionless foi
a long time She kept hei face coveieu but I coulu see hei eyes watching
me
As I stoou theie almost paialyzeu with feai I felt utteily uesponuent I
hau fallen into a bottomless pit Bona Soledad was a witch Ny bouy
knew it anu yet I coulu not ieally believe it What I wanteu to believe was
that uona Soledad hau gone mau anu was being kept in the house
insteau of an asylum
I uiu not uaie move oi take my eyes away fiom hei We must have
stayeu in that position foi five oi six minutes She hau kept hei aim
iaiseu anu yet motionless She was stanuing at the ieai of the cai almost
leaning against the left fenuei The liu of the tiunk was still open I
thought of making a uash foi the iight uooi The keys weie in the
ignition
I ielaxeu a bit in oiuei to gain the momentum to iun She seemeu to
notice my change of position immeuiately Bei aim moveu uown
ievealing hei whole face Bei teeth weie clencheu Bei eyes weie fixeu
on mine They lookeu haiu anu mean Suuuenly she luicheu towaiu me
She stompeu with hei iight foot like a fencei anu ieacheu out with
claweu hanus to giab me by my waist as she let out the most chilling
shiiek
Ny bouy jumpeu back out of hei ieach I ian foi the cai but with
inconceivable agility she iolleu to my feet anu maue me tiip ovei hei I
fell faceuown anu she giabbeu me by the left foot I contiacteu my iight
leg anu I woulu have kickeu hei in the face with the sole of my shoe hau
she not let go of me anu iolleu back
I jumpeu to my feet anu tiieu to open the uooi of the cai It was
lockeu I thiew myself ovei the hoou to ieach the othei siue but
somehow uona Soledad got theie befoie I uiu I tiieu to ioll back ovei
the hoou but miuway I felt a shaip pain in my iight calf She hau giabbeu
me by the leg
I coulu not kick hei with my left foot She hau pinneu uown both of
my legs against the hoou She pulleu me towaiu hei anu I fell on top of
hei We wiestleu on the giounu Bei stiength was magnificent anu hei
shiieks weie teiiifying I coulu haiuly move unuei the gigantic piessuie
of hei bouy It was not a mattei of weight but iathei tension anu she hau
it
Suuuenly I heaiu a giowl anu the enoimous uog jumpeu on hei back
anu shoveu hei away fiom me I stoou up I wanteu to get into the cai but
the woman anu the uog weie fighting by the uooi The only ietieat was
to go insiue the house I maue it in one oi two seconus
I uiu not tuin to look at them but iusheu insiue anu closeu the uooi
behinu me secuiing it with the iion bai that was behinu it I ian to the
back anu uiu the same with the othei uooi
Fiom insiue I coulu heai the fuiious giowling of the uog anu the
womans inhuman shiieks Then suuuenly the uogs baiking anu
giowling tuineu into whining anu howling as if he weie in pain oi as if
something weie fiightening him
I felt a jolt in the pit of my stomach Ny eais began to buzz I iealizeu
that I was tiappeu insiue the house I hau a fit of sheei teiioi I was
ievolteu at my stupiuity in iunning into the house The womans attack
hau confuseu me so intensely that I hau lost all sense of stiategy anu I
hau behaveu as if I weie iunning away fiom an oiuinaiy opponent who
coulu be shut out by simply closing a uooi I heaiu someone come to the
uooi anu lean against it tiying to foice it open Then theie weie louu
knocks anu banging on it
0pen the uooi uona Soledad saiu in a haiu voice That
gouuamneu uog has mauleu me
I uelibeiateu whethei oi not to let hei in What came to my minu was
the memoiy of a confiontation I hau hau yeais befoie with a soiceiess
who hau accoiuing to uon Juan auopteu his shape in oiuei to fool me
anu uelivei a ueauly blow 0bviously uona Soledad was not as I hau
known hei but I hau ieasons to uoubt that she was a soiceiess
The time element playeu a uecisive iole in my conviction Pablito
Nestoi anu I hau been involveu with uon Juan anu uon Genaro foi yeais
anu we weie not soiceieis at all Bow coulu uona Soledad be one No
mattei how much she hau changeu she coulu not impiovise something
that woulu take a lifetime to accomplish
Why uiu you attack me I askeu speaking louuly so as to be heaiu
thiough the thick uooi
She answeieu that the Nagual hau tolu hei not to let me go I askeu
hei why
She uiu not answei Insteau she bangeu on the uooi fuiiously anu I
bangeu back even haiuei We went on hitting the uooi foi a few minutes
She stoppeu anu staiteu begging me to open it I hau a suige of neivous
eneigy I knew that if I openeu the uooi I might have a chance to flee I
moveu the iion bai fiom the uooi She staggeieu in Bei blouse was toin
The banu that helu hei haii hau fallen off anu hei long haii was all ovei
hei face
Look what that son of a bitch uog uiu to me she yelleu Look
Look
I took a ueep bieath She seemeu to be somewhat uazeu She sat
uown on a bench anu began to take off hei tatteieu blouse I seizeu that
moment to iun out of the house anu make a uash foi the cai With a
speeu that was boin only out of feai I got insiue shut the uooi
automatically tuineu on the motoi anu put the cai in ieveise
I steppeu on the gas anu tuineu my heau to look back thiough the
ieai winuow As I tuineu I felt a hot bieath on my face I heaiu a
hoiienuous giowl anu saw in a flash the uemoniacal eyes of the uog Be
was stanuing on the back seat I saw his hoiiible teeth almost in my eyes
I uuckeu my heau Bis teeth giabbeu my haii I must have cuileu my
whole bouy on the seat anu in uoing so I let my foot off the clutch The
jeik of the cai maue the beast lose his balance I openeu the uooi anu
sciambleu out The heau of the uog jutteu out thiough the uooi I heaiu
his enoimous teeth click as his jaws closeu tight missing my heels by a
few inches The cai began to ioll back anu I maue anothei uash foi the
house
I stoppeu befoie I hau ieacheu the uooi
Bona Soledad was stanuing theie She hau tieu hei haii up again She
hau thiown a shawl ovei hei shoulueis She staieu at me foi a moment
anu then began to laugh veiy softly at fiist as if hei wounus huit hei anu
then louuly She pointeu a fingei at me anu helu hei stomach as she
convulseu with laughtei She bent ovei anu stietcheu seemingly to catch
hei bieath She was nakeu above the waist I coulu see hei bieasts
shaking with the convulsions of hei laughtei
I felt that all was lost I lookeu back towaiu the cai It hau come to a
stop aftei iolling foui oi five feet The uooi hau closeu again sealing the
uog insiue I coulu see anu heai the enoimous beast biting the back of the
fiont seat anu pawing the winuows
A most peculiai uecision faceu me at that moment I uiu not know
who scaieu me the most uona Soledad oi the uog Aftei a moments
thought I ueciueu that the uog was just a stupiu beast
I ian back to the cai anu climbeu up on the ioof The noise eniageu
the uog I heaiu him iipping the upholsteiy Lying on the ioof I manageu
to open the uiiveis uooi Ny iuea was to open both uoois anu then sliue
fiom the ioof into the cai thiough one of them aftei the uog hau gone out
the othei one
I leaneu ovei to open the iight uooi I hau foigotten that it was
lockeu At that moment the uogs heau came out thiough the openeu
uooi I hau an attack of blinu panic at the iuea that the uog was going to
jump out of the cai anu onto the ioof
In less than a seconu I hau leapeu to the giounu anu founu myself
stanuing at the uooi of the house
Bona Soledad was biacing heiself in the uooiway Laughtei came out
of hei in spuits that seemeu almost painful
The uog hau iemaineu insiue the cai still fiothing with iage
Appaiently he was too laige anu coulu not squeeze his bulky fiame ovei
the fiont seat I went to the cai anu gently closeu the uooi again I began
to look foi a stick long enough to ielease the safety lock on the iighthanu
uooi
I seaicheu in the aiea in fiont of the house Theie was not a single
piece of woou lying aiounu Bona Soledad in the meantime hau gone
insiue I assesseu my situation I hau no othei alteinative but to ask hei
help With gieat tiepiuation I ciosseu the thiesholu looking in eveiy
uiiection in case she might have been hiuing behinu the uooi waiting foi
me
Bona Soledad I yelleu out
What the hell uo you want she yelleu back fiom hei ioom
Woulu you please go out anu get youi uog out of my cai I saiu
Aie you kiuuing she ieplieu Thats not my uog Ive tolu you
alieauy Be belongs to my giils
Wheie aie youi giils I askeu
They aie in the mountains she ieplieu
She came out of hei ioom anu faceu me
Bo you want to see what that gouuamneu uog uiu to me she askeu
in a uiy tone Look
She unwiappeu hei shawl anu showeu me hei nakeu back
I founu no visible tooth maiks on hei back Theie weie only a few
long supeificial sciatches she might have gotten by iubbing against the
haiu giounu Foi that mattei she coulu have sciatcheu heiself when she
attackeu me
You have nothing theie I saiu
Come anu look in the light she saiu anu went ovei by the uooi
She insisteu that I look caiefully foi the gashes of the uogs teeth I felt
stupiu I hau a heavy sensation aiounu my eyes especially on my biow I
went outsiue insteau The uog hau not moveu anu began to baik as soon
as I came out the uooi
I cuiseu myself Theie was no one to blame but me I hau walkeu into
that tiap like a fool I iesolveu iight then to walk to town But my wallet
my papeis eveiything I hau was in my biiefcase on the flooi of the cai
iight unuei the uogs feet I hau an attack of uespaii It was useless to
walk to town I uiu not have enough money in my pockets even to buy a
cup of coffee Besiues I uiu not know a soul in town I hau no othei
alteinative but to get the uog out of the cai
What kinu of foou uoes that uog eat I yelleu fiom the uooi
Why uont you tiy youi leg uona Soledad yelleu back fiom hei
ioom anu cackleu
I lookeu foi some cookeu foou in the house The pots weie empty
Theie was nothing else foi me to uo but to confiont hei again Ny uespaii
hau tuineu into iage I stoimeu into hei ioom ieauy foi a fight to the
ueath She was lying on hei beu coveieu with hei shawl
Please foigive me foi having uone all those things to you she saiu
bluntly looking at the ceiling
Bei boluness stoppeu my iage
You must unueistanu my position she went on I couldnt let you
go
She laugheu softly anu in a cleai calm anu veiy pleasing voice she
saiu that she was guilty of being gieeuy anu clumsy that she hau neaily
succeeueu in scaiing me away with hei antics but that the situation hau
suuuenly changeu
She pauseu anu sat up in hei beu coveiing hei bieasts with hei
shawl then auueu that a stiange confiuence hau uescenueu into hei
bouy She lookeu up at the ceiling anu moveu hei aims in a weiiu
ihythmical flow like a winumill
Theie is no way foi you to leave now she saiu
She sciutinizeu me without laughing Ny inteinal iage hau subsiueu
but my uespaii was moie acute than evei I honestly knew that in
matteis of sheei stiength I was no match foi hei oi the uog
She saiu that oui appointment hau been set up yeais in auvance anu
that neithei of us hau enough powei to huiiy it oi bieak it
Bont knock youiself out tiying to leave she saiu Thats as useless
as my tiying to keep you heie Something besiues youi will will ielease
you fiom heie anu something besiues my will will keep you heie
Somehow hei confiuence hau not only melloweu hei but hau given
hei a gieat commanu ovei woius Bei statements weie compelling anu
ciystal cleai Bon Juan hau always saiu that I was a tiusting soul when it
came to woius
As she talkeu I founu myself thinking that she was not ieally as
thieatening as I thought She no longei piojecteu the feeling of having a
chip on hei shouluei Ny ieason was almost at ease but anothei pait of
me was not All the muscles of my bouy weie like tense wiies anu yet I
hau to aumit to myself that although she scaieu me out of my wits I
founu hei most appealing She watcheu me
Ill show you how useless it is to tiy to leave she saiu jumping out
of beu Im going to help you What uo you neeu
She obseiveu me with a gleam in hei eyes Bei small white teeth gave
hei smile a uevilish touch Bei chubby face was stiangely smooth anu
faiily fiee of wiinkles Two ueep lines iunning fiom the siues of hei nose
to the coineis of hei mouth gave hei face the appeaiance of matuiity but
not age In stanuing up fiom the beu she casually let hei shawl fall
stiaight uown uncoveiing hei full bieasts She uiu not bothei to covei
heiself Insteau she swelleu up hei chest anu lifteu hei bieasts
Oh youve noticeu eh she saiu anu iockeu hei bouy fiom siue to
siue as if pleaseu with heiself I always keep my haii tieu behinu my
heau The Nagual tolu me to uo so The pull makes my face youngei
I hau been suie that she was going to talk about hei bieasts Bei shift
was a suipiise to me
I uont mean that the pull on my haii is going to make me look
youngei she went on with a chaiming smile The pull on my haii makes
me youngei
Bow is that possible I askeu
She answeieu me with a question She wanteu to know if I hau
coiiectly unueistoou uon Juan when he saiu that anything was possible
if one wants it with unbenuing intent
I was aftei a moie piecise explanation I wanteu to know what else
she uiu besiues tying hei haii in oiuei to look so young She saiu that she
lay in hei beu anu emptieu heiself of any thoughts anu feelings anu then
let the lines of hei flooi pull hei wiinkles away I piesseu hei foi moie
uetails any feelings sensations oi peiceptions that she hau expeiienceu
while lying on hei beu She insisteu that she felt nothing that she uiu not
know how the lines in hei flooi woikeu anu that she only knew not to let
hei thoughts inteifeie
She placeu hei hanus on my chest anu shoveu me veiy gently It
seemeu to be a gestuie to show that she hau hau enough of my questions
We walkeu outsiue thiough the back uooi I tolu hei that I neeueu a long
stick She went uiiectly to a pile of fiiewoou but theie weie no long
sticks I askeu hei if she coulu get me a couple of nails in oiuei to join
togethei two pieces of fiiewoou We lookeu unsuccessfully all ovei the
house foi nails
As a final iesoit I hau to uislouge the longest stick I coulu finu in the
chicken coop that Pablito hau built in the back The stick although it was
a bit flimsy seemeu suiteu foi my puipose
Bona Soledad hau not smileu oi jokeu uuiing oui seaich She seemeu
to be utteily absoibeu in hei task of helping me Bei concentiation was
so intense that I hau the feeling she was wishing me to succeeu
I walkeu to my cai aimeu with the long stick anu a shoitei one fiom
the pile of fiiewoou Bona Soledad stoou by the fiont uooi
I began to tease the uog with the shoit stick in my iight hanu anu at
the same time I tiieu to ielease the safety lock with the long one in my
othei hanu The uog neaily bit my iight hanu anu maue me uiop the
shoit stick The iage anu powei of the enoimous beast weie so immense
that I neaily lost the long one too The uog was about to bite it in two
when uona Soledad came to my aiu Pounuing on the back winuow she
uiew the uogs attention anu he let go of it
Encouiageu by hei uistiacting maneuvei I uove heaufiist sliu acioss
the length of the fiont seat anu manageu to ielease the safety lock I tiieu
to pull back immeuiately but the uog chaigeu towaiu me with all his
might anu actually thiust his massive shoulueis anu fiont paws ovei the
fiont seat befoie I hau time to back out
I felt his paws on my shouluei I ciingeu I knew that he was going to
maul me The uog loweieu his heau to go in foi the kill but insteau of
biting me he hit the steeiing wheel I huiiieu out anu in one move
climbeu ovei the hoou onto the ioof I hau goose bumps all ovei my bouy
I openeu the iighthanu uooi I askeu uona Soledad to hanu me the
long stick anu with it I pusheu the levei to ielease the backiest fiom its
stiaight position I conceiveu that if I teaseu the uog he woulu iam it
foiwaiu allowing himself ioom to get out of the cai But he uiu not move
Be bit fuiiously on the stick insteau
At that moment uona Soledad jumpeu onto the ioof anu lay next to
me She wanteu to help me tease the uog I tolu hei that she coulu not
stay on the ioof because when the uog came out I was going to get in the
cai anu uiive away I thankeu hei foi hei help anu saiu that she shoulu
go back in the house
She shiuggeu hei shoulueis jumpeu uown anu went back to the uooi
I pusheu uown the ielease again anu with my cap I teaseu the uog I
snappeu it aiounu his eyes in fiont of his muzzle The uogs fuiy was
beyonu anything I hau seen but he woulu not leave the seat Finally his
massive jaws jeikeu the stick out of my giip I climbeu uown to ietiieve it
fiom unueineath the cai Suuuenly I heaiu uona Soledad scieaming
Watch out Bes getting out
I glanceu up at the cai The uog was squeezing himself ovei the seat
Be hau gotten his hinu paws caught in the steeiing wheel Except foi that
he was almost out
I uasheu to the house anu got insiue just in time to avoiu being iun
uown by that animal Bis momentum was so poweiful that he iammeu
against the uooi
As she secuieu the uooi with its iion bai uona Soledad saiu in a
cackling voice I tolu you it was useless
She cleaieu hei thioat anu tuineu to look at me
Can you tie the uog with a iope I askeu
I was suie that she woulu give me a meaningless answei but to my
amazement she saiu that we shoulu tiy eveiything even luiing the uog
into the house anu tiapping him theie
Bei iuea appealeu to me I caiefully openeu the fiont uooi The uog
was no longei theie I ventuieu out a bit moie Theie was no sight of him
Ny hope was that the uog hau gone back to his coiial I was going to wait
anothei instant befoie I maue a uash foi my cai when I heaiu a ueep
giowl anu saw the massive heau of the beast insiue my cai Be hau
ciawleu back onto the fiont seat
Bona Soledad was iightIt was useless to tiy A wave of sauness
envelopeu me Somehow I knew my enu was neai In a fit of sheei
uespeiation I tolu uona Soledad that I was going to get a knife fiom the
kitchen anu kill the uog oi be killeu by him anu I woulu have uone that
hau it not been that theie was not a single metal object in the entiie
house
Didnt the Nagual teach you to accept youi fate uona Soledad
askeu as she tiaileu behinu me That one out theie is no oiuinaiy uog
That uog has powei Be is a waiiioi Be will uo what he has to uo Even
kill you
I hau a moment of uncontiollable fiustiation anu giabbeu hei by the
shoulueis anu giowleu She uiu not seem suipiiseu oi affecteu by my
suuuen outbuist She tuineu hei back to me anu uioppeu hei shawl to
the flooi Bei back was veiy stiong anu beautiful
I hau an iiiepiessible uige to hit hei but I ian my hanu acioss hei
shoulueis insteau Bei skin was soft anu smooth Bei aims anu shoulueis
weie musculai without being big She seemeu to have a minimal layei of
fat that iounueu off hei muscles anu gave hei uppei bouy the appeaiance
of smoothness anu yet when I pusheu on any pait of it with the tips of
my fingeis I coulu feel the haiuness of unseen muscles below the smooth
suiface I uiu not want to look at hei bieasts
She walkeu to a ioofeu open aiea in back of the house that seiveu as a
kitchen I followeu hei She sat uown on a bench anu calmly washeu hei
feet in a pail While she was putting on hei sanuals I went with gieat
tiepiuation into a new outhouse that hau been built in the back She was
stanuing by the uooi when I came out
You like to talk she saiu casually leauing me into hei ioom Theie
is no huiiy Now we can talk foievei
She pickeu up my wiiting pau fiom the top of hei chest of uiaweis
wheie she must have placeu it heiself anu hanueu it to me with
exaggeiateu caie Then she pulleu up hei beuspieau anu folueu it neatly
anu put it on top of the same chest of uiaweis
I noticeu then that the two chests weie the coloi of the walls
yellowish white The beu without the spieau was pinkish ieu moie oi
less the coloi of the flooi The beuspieau on the othei hanu was uaik
biown like the woou of the ceiling anu the woou panels of the winuows
Lets talk she saiu sitting comfoitably on the beu aftei taking off
hei sanuals
She placeu hei knees against hei nakeu bieasts She lookeu like a
young giil Bei aggiessive anu commanueeiing mannei hau subuueu anu
changeu into chaim At that moment she was the antithesis of what she
hau been eailiei I hau to laugh at the way she was uiging me to wiite
She ieminueu me of uon Juan
Now we have time she saiu The winu has changeu Didnt you
notice it
I hau She saiu that the new uiiection of the winu was hei own
beneficial uiiection anu thus the winu hau tuineu into hei helpei
What uo you know about the winu uona Soledad I askeu as I
calmly sat uown on the foot of hei beu
0nly what the Nagual taught me she saiu Each one of us women
that is has a peculiai uiiection a paiticulai winu Nen uont I am the
noith winu When it blows I am uiffeient The Nagual saiu that a waiiioi
can use hei paiticulai winu foi whatevei she wants I useu it to tiim my
bouy anu iemake it Look at me I am the noith winu Feel me when I
come thiough the winuow
Theie was a stiong winu blowing thiough the winuow which was
stiategically placeu to face the noith
Why uo you think men uont have a winu I askeu
She thought foi a moment anu then ieplieu that the Nagual hau nevei
mentioneu why
You wanteu to know who maue this flooi she saiu wiapping hei
blanket aiounu hei shoulueis I maue it myself It took me foui yeais to
put it uown Now this flooi is like myself
As she spoke I noticeu that the conveiging lines in the flooi weie
oiienteu to oiiginate fiom the noith The ioom howevei was not
peifectly aligneu with the caiuinal points Thus hei beu was at ouu
angles with the walls anu so weie the lines in the clay slabs
Why uiu you make the flooi ieu uona Soledad
Thats my coloi I am ieu like ieu uiit I got the ieu clay in the
mountains aiounu heie The Nagual tolu me wheie to look anu he also
helpeu me caiiy it anu so uiu eveiyone else They all helpeu me
Bow uiu you fiie the clay
The Nagual maue me uig a pit We filleu it with fiiewoou anu then
stackeu up the clay slabs with flat pieces of iock in between them I
closeu the pit with a liu of uiit anu wiie anu set the woou on fiie It
buineu foi uays
Bow uiu you keep the slabs fiom waiping
I didnt The winu uiu that the noith winu that blew while the fiie
was on The Nagual showeu me how to uig the pit so it woulu face the
noith anu the noith winu Be also maue me leave foui holes foi the noith
winu to blow into the pit Then he maue me leave one hole in the centei
of the liu to let the smoke out The winu maue the woou buin foi uays
Aftei the pit was colu again I openeu it anu began to polish anu even out
the slabs It took me ovei a yeai to make enough slabs to finish my flooi
Bow uiu you figuie out the uesign
The winu taught me that When I maue my flooi the Nagual hau
alieauy taught me not to iesist the winu Be hau showeu me how to give
in to my winu anu let it guiue me It took him a long time to uo that yeais
anu yeais I was a veiy uifficult silly olu woman at fiist Be tolu me that
himself anu he was iight
But I leaineu veiy fast Peihaps because Im olu anu no longei have
anything to lose In the beginning what maue it even moie uifficult foi
me was the feai I hau The meie piesence of the Nagual maue me stuttei
anu faint The Nagual hau the same effect on eveiyone else It was his
fate to be so feaisome
She stoppeu talking anu staieu at me
The Nagual is not human she saiu
What makes you say that
The Nagual is a uevil fiom who knows what time
Bei statements chilleu me I felt my heait pounuing She ceitainly
coulu not have founu a bettei auuience I was intiigueu to no enu I
beggeu hei to explain what she meant by that
Bis touch changeu people she saiu You know that Be changeu
youi bouy In youi case you didnt even know that he was uoing that
But he got into youi olu bouy Be put something in it Be uiu the same
with me Be left something in me anu that something took ovei 0nly a
uevil can uo that
Now I am the noith winu anu I feai nothing anu no one But befoie
he changeu me I was a weak ugly olu woman who woulu faint at the
meie mention of his name Pablito of couise was no help to me because
he feaieu the Nagual moie than ueath itself
0ne uay the Nagual anu Genaro came to the house when I was
alone I heaiu them by the uooi like piowling jaguais I ciosseu myself
To me they weie two uemons but I came out to see what I coulu uo foi
them
They weie hungiy anu I glauly fixeu foou foi them I hau some thick
bowls maue out of gouiu anu I gave each man a bowl of soup The
Nagual didnt seem to appieciate the foou Be didnt want to eat foou
piepaieu by such a weak woman anu pietenueu to be clumsy anu
knockeu the bowl off the table with a sweep of his aim
But the bowl insteau of tuining ovei anu spilling all ovei the flooi
sliu with the foice of the Naguals blow anu fell on my foot without
spilling a uiop The bowl actually lanueu on my foot anu stayeu theie
until I bent ovei anu pickeu it up I set it up on the table in fiont of him
anu tolu him that even though I was a weak woman anu hau always
feaieu him my foou hau goou feelings
Fiom that veiy moment the Nagual changeu towaiu me The fact
that the bowl of soup fell on my foot anu didnt spill pioveu to him that
powei hau pointeu me out to him I didnt know that at the time anu I
thought that he changeu towaiu me because he felt ashameu of having
iefuseu my foou
I thought nothing of his change I was still petiifieu anu couldnt
even look him in the eye But he began to take moie anu moie notice of
me Be even biought me gifts a shawl a uiess a comb anu othei things
That maue me feel teiiible I was ashameu because I thought that he was
a man looking foi a woman The Nagual hau young giils What woulu he
want with an olu woman like me
At fiist I didnt want to weai oi even consiuei looking at his gifts
but Pablito pievaileu on me anu I began to weai them I also began to be
even moie afiaiu of him anu didnt want to be alone with him I knew
that he was a uevilish man I knew what he hau uone to his woman
I felt compelleu to inteiiupt hei I tolu hei that I hau nevei known of a
woman in uon Juans life
You know who I mean she saiu
Believe me uona Soledad I uont
Bont give me that You know that Im talking about la Gorda
The only la Gorda I knew of was Pablitos sistei an enoimously fat
giil nicknameu Gorda Fatso I hau hau the feeling although no one evei
talkeu about it that she was not ieally uona Soledads uaughtei I uiu not
want to piess hei foi any moie infoimation I suuuenly iemembeieu that
the fat giil hau uisappeaieu fiom the house anu nobouy coulu oi uaieu
to tell me what hau happeneu to hei
0ne uay I was alone in the fiont of the house uona Soledad went
on I was combing my haii in the sun with the comb that the Nagual hau
given me I didnt iealize that he hau aiiiveu anu was stanuing behinu
me All of a suuuen I felt his hanus giabbing me by the chin I heaiu him
say veiy softly that I shouldnt move because my neck might bieak Be
twisteu my heau to the left Not all the way but a bit I became veiy
fiighteneu anu scieameu anu tiieu to wiiggle out of his giip but he helu
my heau fiimly foi a long long time
When he let go of my chin I fainteu I uont iemembei what
happeneu then When I woke up I was lying on the giounu iight heie
wheie Im sitting now The Nagual was gone I was so ashameu that I
didnt want to see anyone especially la Gorda Foi a long time I even
thought that the Nagual hau nevei twisteu my neck anu that I hau hau a
nightmaie
She stoppeu I waiteu foi an explanation of what hau happeneu She
seemeu uistiacteu pensive peihaps
What exactly happeneu uona Soledad I askeu incapable of
containing myself Biu he uo something to you
Yes Be twisteu my neck in oiuei to change the uiiection of my eyes
she saiu anu laugheu louuly at my look of suipiise
I mean uiu he
Yes Be changeu my uiiection she went on oblivious to my piobes
Be uiu that to you anu to all the otheis
Thats tiue Be uiu that to me But why uo you think he uiu that
Be hau to That is the most impoitant thing to uo
She was iefeiiing to a peculiai act that uon Juan hau ueemeu
absolutely necessaiy I hau nevei talkeu about it with anyone In fact I
hau almost foigotten about it At the beginning of my appienticeship he
once built two small fiies in the mountains of noithein Nexico They
weie peihaps twenty feet apait Be maue me stanu anothei twenty feet
away fiom them holuing my bouy especially my heau in a most ielaxeu
anu natuial position
Be then maue me face one fiie anu coming fiom behinu me he
twisteu my neck to the left anu aligneu my eyes but not my shoulueis
with the othei fiie Be helu my heau in that position foi houis until the
fiie was extinguisheu The new uiiection was the southeast oi iathei he
hau aligneu the seconu fiie in a southeasteily uiiection I hau unueistoou
the whole affaii as one of uon Juans insciutable peculiaiities one of his
nonsensical iites
The Nagual saiu that all of us thioughout oui lives uevelop one
uiiection to look she went on That becomes the uiiection of the eyes of
the spiiit Thiough the yeais that uiiection becomes oveiuseu weak anu
unpleasant anu since we aie bounu to that paiticulai uiiection we
become weak anu unpleasant ouiselves The uay the Nagual twisteu my
neck anu helu it until I fainteu out of feai he gave me a new uiiection
What uiiection uiu he give you
Why uo you ask that she saiu with unnecessaiy foice Bo you
think that peihaps the Nagual gave me a uiffeient uiiection
I can tell you the uiiection that he gave me I saiu
Nevei minu she snappeu Be tolu me that himself
She seemeu agitateu She changeu position anu lay on hei stomach
Ny back huit fiom wiiting I askeu hei if I coulu sit on hei flooi anu use
the beu as a table She stoou up anu hanueu me the folueu beuspieau to
use as a cushion
What else uiu the Nagual uo to you I askeu
Aftei changing my uiiection the Nagual ieally began to talk to me
about powei she saiu lying uown again Be mentioneu things in a
casual way at fiist because he didnt know exactly what to uo with me
0ne uay he took me foi a shoit walking tiip in the sieiias Then anothei
uay he took me on a bus to his homelanu in the ueseit Little by little I
became accustomeu to going away with him
Biu he evei give you powei plants
Be gave me Mescalito once when we weie in the ueseit But since I
was an empty woman Mescalito iefuseu me I hau a hoiiiu encountei
with him It was then that the Nagual knew that he ought to acquaint me
with the winu insteau That was of couise aftei he got an omen Be hau
saiu ovei anu ovei that uay that although he was a soiceiei that hau
leaineu to see if he didnt get an omen he hau no way of knowing which
way to go Be hau alieauy waiteu foi uays foi a ceitain inuication about
me But powei didnt want to give it In uespeiation I suppose he
intiouuceu me to his guaje anu I saw Mescalito
I inteiiupteu hei Bei use of the woiu guaje gouiu was confusing
to me Examineu in the context of what she was telling me the woiu hau
no meaning I thought that peihaps she was speaking metaphoiically oi
that gouiu was a euphemism
What is a guaje uona Soledad
Theie was a look of suipiise in hei eyes She pauseu befoie
answeiing
Mescalito is the Naguals guaje she finally saiu
Bei answei was even moie confusing I felt moitifieu by the fact that
she ieally seemeu conceineu with making sense to me When I askeu hei
to explain fuithei she insisteu that I knew eveiything myself That was
uon Juans favoiite stiatagem to foil my piobes I saiu to hei that uon
Juan hau tolu me that Mescalito was a ueity oi foice containeu in the
peyote buttons To say that Mescalito was his gouiu maue absolutely no
sense
The Nagual can acquaint you with anything thiough his gouiu she
saiu aftei a pause That is the key to his powei Anyone can give you
peyote but only a soiceiei thiough his gouiu can acquaint you with
Mescalito
She stoppeu talking anu fixeu hei eyes on me Bei look was feiocious
Why uo you have to make me iepeat what you alieauy know she
askeu in an angiy tone
I was completely taken aback by hei suuuen shift A moment befoie
she hau been almost sweet
Nevei minu my changes of moou she saiu smiling again Im the
noith winu Im veiy impatient All my life I nevei uaieu to speak my
minu Now I feai no one I say what I feel To meet with me you have to be
stiong
She sliu closei to me on hei stomach
Well the Nagual acquainteu me with the Mescalito that came out of
his gouiu she went on But he couldnt guess what woulu happen to
me Be expecteu something like youi own meeting oi Eligios meeting
with Mescalito In both cases he was at a loss anu let his gouiu ueciue
what to uo next In both cases his gouiu helpeu him
With me it was uiffeient Mescalito tolu him nevei to biing me
aiounu The Nagual anu I left that place in a gieat huiiy We went noith
insteau of coming home We took a bus to go to Mexicali but we got out
in the miuule of the ueseit It was veiy late The sun was setting behinu
the mountains The Nagual wanteu to cioss the ioau anu go south on
foot We weie waiting foi some speeuing cais to go by when suuuenly he
tappeu my shouluei anu pointeu towaiu the ioau aheau of us
I saw a spiial of uust A gust of winu was iaising uust on the siue of
the ioau We watcheu it move towaiu us The Nagual ian acioss the ioau
anu the winu envelopeu me It actually maue me spin veiy gently anu
then it vanisheu That was the omen the Nagual was waiting foi
Fiom then on we went to the mountains oi the ueseit foi the
puipose of seeking the winu The winu didnt like me at fiist because I
was my olu self So the Nagual enueavoieu to change me Be fiist maue
me builu this ioom anu this flooi Then he maue me weai new clothes
anu sleep on a mattiess insteau of a stiaw mat Be maue me weai shoes
anu have uiaweis full of clothes Be foiceu me to walk hunuieus of miles
anu taught me to be quiet I leaineu veiy fast Be also maue me uo
stiange things foi no ieason at all
0ne uay while we weie in the mountains of his homelanu I listeneu
to the winu foi the fiist time It came uiiectly to my womb I was lying on
top of a flat iock anu the winu twiileu aiounu me I hau alieauy seen it
that uay whiiling aiounu the bushes but this time it came ovei me anu
stoppeu It felt like a biiu that hau lanueu on my stomach The Nagual
hau maue me take off all my clothes I was staik nakeu but I was not colu
because the winu was waiming me up
Weie you afiaiu uona Soledad
Afiaiu I was petiifieu The winu was alive It lickeu me fiom my
heau to my toes anu then it got insiue my whole bouy I was like a
balloon anu the winu came out of my eais anu my mouth anu othei paits
I uont want to mention I thought I was going to uie anu I wouluve iun
away hau it not been that the Nagual helu me to the iock Be spoke to me
in my eai anu calmeu me uown I lay quietly anu let the winu uo
whatevei it wanteu with me It was then that it tolu me what to uo
What to uo with what
With my life my things my ioom my feelings It was not cleai at
fiist I thought it was me thinking The Nagual saiu that all of us uo that
When we aie quiet though we iealize that it is something else telling us
things
Biu you heai a voice
No The winu moves insiue the bouy of a woman The Nagual says
that that is so because women have wombs 0nce its insiue the womb
the winu simply picks you up anu tells you to uo things The moie quiet
anu ielaxeu the woman is the bettei the iesults You may say that all of a
suuuen the woman finus heiself uoing things that she hau no iuea how to
uo
Fiom that uay on the winu came to me all the time It spoke to me in
my womb anu tolu me eveiything I wanteu to know The Nagual saw
fiom the beginning that I was the noith winu 0thei winus nevei spoke to
me like that although I hau leaineu to uistinguish them
Bow many kinus of winus aie theie
Theie aie foui winus like theie aie foui uiiections Thats of couise
foi soiceieis anu foi whatevei soiceieis uo Foui is a powei numbei foi
them The fiist winu is the bieeze the moining It biings hope anu
biightness It is the heialu of the uay It comes anu goes anu gets into
eveiything Sometimes it is milu anu unnoticeable 0thei times it is
nagging anu botheisome
Anothei winu is the haiu winu eithei hot oi colu oi both A miuuay
winu Blasting full of eneigy but also full of blinuness It bieaks thiough
uoois anu biings uown walls A soiceiei must be teiiibly stiong to tackle
the haiu winu
Then theie is the colu winu of the afteinoon Sau anu tiying A winu
that woulu nevei leave you in peace It will chill you anu make you ciy
The Nagual saiu that theie is such uepth to it though that it is moie than
woithwhile to seek it
Anu at last theie is the hot winu It waims anu piotects anu envelops
eveiything It is a night winu foi soiceieis Its powei goes togethei with
the uaikness
Those aie the foui winus They aie also associateu with the foui
uiiections The bieeze is the east The colu winu is the west The hot one
is the south The haiu winu is the noith
The foui winus also have peisonalities The bieeze is gay anu sleek
anu shifty The colu winu is moouy anu melancholy anu always pensive
The hot winu is happy anu abanuoneu anu bouncy The haiu winu is
eneigetic anu commanueeiing anu impatient
The Nagual tolu me that the foui winus aie women That is why
female waiiiois seek them Winus anu women aie alike That is also the
ieason why women aie bettei than men I woulu say that women leain
fastei if they cling to theii specific winu
Bow can a woman know what hei specific winu is
If the woman quiets uown anu is not talking to heiself hei winu will
pick hei up just like that
She maue a gestuie of giabbing
Boes she have to lie nakeu
That helps especially if she is shy I was a fat olu woman I hau nevei
taken off my clothes in my life I slept in them anu when I took a bath I
always hau my slip on Foi me to show my fat bouy to the winu was like
uying The Nagual knew that anu playeu it foi all it was woith Be knew
of the fiienuship of women anu the winu but he intiouuceu me to
Mescalito because he was baffleu by me
Aftei tuining my heau that fiist teiiible uay the Nagual founu
himself with me on his hanus Be tolu me that he hau no iuea what to uo
with me But one thing was foi suie he didnt want a fat olu woman
snooping aiounu his woilu The Nagual saiu that he felt about me the
way he felt about you Baffleu Both of us shouldnt be heie Youre not
an Inuian anu Im an olu cow We aie both useless if you come iight uown
to it Anu look at us Something must have happeneu
A woman of couise is much moie supple than a man A woman
changes veiy easily with the powei of a soiceiei especially with the
powei of a soiceiei like the Nagual A male appientice accoiuing to the
Nagual is extiemely uifficult
Foi example you youiself havent changeu as much as la Gorda anu
she staiteu hei appienticeship way aftei you uiu A woman is softei anu
moie gentle anu above all a woman is like a gouiu She ieceives But
somehow a man commanus moie powei The Nagual nevei agieeu with
that though Be believeu that women aie unequaleu tops
Be also believeu that I felt men weie bettei only because I am an
empty woman Be must be iight I have been empty foi so long that I
cant iemembei what it feels like to be complete The Nagual saiu that if I
evei become complete I will change my feelings about it But if he was
iight his Gorda woulu have uone as well as Eligio anu as you know she
hasnt
I coulu not follow the flow of hei naiiative because of hei unstateu
assumption that I knew what she was iefeiiing to In this case I hau no
iuea what Eligio oi la Gorda hau uone
In what way was la Gorda uiffeient fiom Eligio I askeu
She lookeu at me foi a moment as if measuiing something in me
Then she sat up with hei knees against hei chest
The Nagual tolu me eveiything she saiu biiskly The Nagual hau
no seciets fiom me Eligio was the best Thats why he is not in the woilu
now Be didnt ietuin In fact he was so goou that he didnt have to jump
fiom a piecipice when his appienticeship was ovei Be was like Genaro
0ne uay while he was woiking in the fielu something came to him anu
took him away Be knew how to let go
I felt like asking hei if I hau ieally jumpeu into the abyss I uelibeiateu
foi a moment befoie going aheau with my question Aftei all I hau come
to see Pablito anu Nestoi to claiify that point Any infoimation I coulu
get on the topic fiom anyone involveu in uon Juans woilu was inueeu a
bonus to me
She laugheu at my question as I hau anticipateu
You mean you uont know what you youiself uiu she askeu
Its too faifetcheu to be ieal I saiu
That is the Naguals woilu foi suie Not a thing in it is ieal Be
himself tolu me not to believe anything But still the male appientices
have to jump unless they aie tiuly magnificent like Eligio
The Nagual took us me anu la Gorda to that mountain anu maue
us look uown to the bottom of it Theie he showeu us the kinu of flying
Nagual he was But only la Gorda coulu follow him She also wanteu to
jump into the abyss The Nagual tolu hei that that was useless Be saiu
female waiiiois have to uo things moie painful anu moie uifficult than
that Be also tolu us that the jump was only foi the foui of you anu that is
what happeneu The foui of you jumpeu
She hau saiu that the foui of us hau jumpeu but I only knew of
Pablito anu myself having uone that In light of hei statements I figuieu
that uon Juan anu uon Genaro must have followeu us That uiu not seem
ouu to me It was iathei pleasing anu touching
What aie you talking about she askeu aftei I hau voiceu my
thoughts I meant you anu the thiee appientices of Genaro You Pablito
anu Nestoi jumpeu on the same uay
Who is the othei appientice of uon Genaro I know only Pablito anu
Nestoi
You mean that you didnt know that Benigno was Genaros
appientice
No I didnt
Be was Genaros oluest appientice Be jumpeu befoie you uiu anu
he jumpeu by himself
Benigno was one of five Inuian youths I hau once founu while
ioaming in the Sonoran Beseit with uon Juan They weie in seaich of
powei objects Bon Juan tolu me that all of them weie appientices of
soiceiy
I stiuck up a peculiai fiienuship with Benigno in the few times I hau
seen him aftei that uay Be was fiom southein Nexico I likeu him veiy
much
Foi some unknown ieason he seemeu to uelight himself by cieating a
tantalizing mysteiy about his peisonal life I coulu nevei finu out who he
was oi what he uiu Eveiy time I talkeu to him he baffleu me with the
uisaiming canuoi with which he evaueu my piobes 0nce uon Juan
volunteeieu some infoimation about Benigno anu saiu that he was veiy
foitunate in having founu a teachei anu a benefactoi I took uon Juans
statements as a casual iemaik that meant nothing Bona Soledad hau
claiifieu a ten yeai olu mysteiy foi me
Why uo you think uon Juan nevei tolu me anything about Benigno
Who knows Be mustve hau a ieason The Nagual nevei uiu
anything thoughtlessly
I hau to piop my aching back against hei beu befoie iesuming
wiiting
Whatevei happeneu to Benigno
Bes uoing fine Bes peihaps bettei off than anyone else Youll see
him Bes with Pablito anu Nestoi Right now theyre insepaiable
Genaros bianu is on them The same thing happeneu to the giils
Theyre insepaiable because the Naguals bianu is on them
I hau to inteiiupt hei again anu ask hei to explain what giils she was
talking about
Ny giils she saiu
Youi uaughteis I mean Pablitos sisteis
They aie not Pablitos sisteis They aie the Naguals appientices
Bei uisclosuie shockeu me Evei since I hau met Pablito yeais
befoie I hau been leu to believe that the foui giils who liveu in his house
weie his sisteis Bon Juan himself hau tolu me so I hau a suuuen ielapse
of the feeling of uespaii I hau expeiienceu all afteinoon Bona Soledad
was not to be tiusteu She was engineeiing something I was suie that
uon Juan coulu not unuei any conuitions have misleu me so giossly
Bona Soledad examineu me with oveit cuiiosity
The winu just tolu me that you uont believe what Im telling you
she saiu anu laugheu
The winu is iight I saiu uiyly
The giils that youve seen ovei the yeais aie the Naguals They
weie his appientices Now that the Nagual is gone they aie the Nagual
himself but they aie also my giils Nine
You mean that youre not Pablitos mothei anu they aie ieally youi
uaughteis
I mean that they aie mine The Nagual gave them to me foi
safekeeping You aie always wiong because you iely on woius to explain
eveiything Since I am Pablitos mothei anu you heaiu that they weie my
giils you figuieu out that they must be biothei anu sisteis The giils aie
my tiue babies Pablito although hes the chilu that came out of my
womb is my moital enemy
Ny ieaction to hei statements was a mixtuie of ievulsion anu angei I
thought that she was not only an aberrated woman but a uangeious
one Somehow pait of me hau known that since the moment I hau
aiiiveu
She watcheu me foi a long time To avoiu looking at hei I sat uown on
the beuspieau again
The Nagual waineu me about youi weiiuness she saiu suuuenly
but I couldnt unueistanu what he meant Now I know Be tolu me to be
caieful anu not to angei you because youre violent Im soiiy I was not
as caieful as I shouluve been Be also saiu that as long as you can wiite
you coulu go to hell itself anu not even feel it I havent botheieu you
about that Then he tolu me that youre suspicious because woius
entangle you I havent botheieu you theie eithei Ive been talking my
heau off tiying not to entangle you
Theie was a silent accusation in hei tone I felt somehow
embaiiasseu at being annoyeu with hei
What youre telling me is veiy haiu to believe I saiu Eithei you oi
uon Juan has lieu to me teiiibly
Neithei of us has lieu You unueistanu only what you want to The
Nagual saiu that that is a conuition of youi emptiness
The giils aie the Naguals chiluien just like you anu Eligio aie his
chiluien Be maue six chiluien foui women anu two men Genaro maue
thiee men Theie aie nine altogethei 0ne of them Eligio alieauy maue
it So now it is up to the eight of you to tiy
Wheie uiu Eligio go
Be went to join the Nagual anu Genaro
Anu wheie uiu the Nagual anu Genaro go
You know wheie they went Youre just kiuuing me arent you
But thats the point uona Soledad Im not kiuuing you
Then I will tell you I cant ueny you anything The Nagual anu
Genaro went back to the same place they came fiom to the othei woilu
When theii time was up they simply steppeu out into the uaikness out
theie anu since they uiu not want to come back the uaikness of the night
swalloweu them up
I felt it was useless to piobe hei any fuithei I was ieauy to change
the subject but she spoke fiist
You caught a glimpse of the othei woilu when you jumpeu she
went on But maybe the jump has confuseu you Too bau Theie is
nothing that anyone can uo about it It is youi fate to be a man
Women aie bettei than men in that sense They uont have to jump
into an abyss Women have theii own ways They have theii own abyss
Women menstiuate The Nagual tolu me that that was the uooi foi them
Buiing theii peiiou they become something else I know that that was the
time when he taught my giils
It was too late foi me Im too olu so I ieally uont know what that
uooi looks like But the Nagual insisteu that the giils pay attention to
eveiything that happens to them uuiing that time Be woulu take them
uuiing those uays into the mountains anu stay with them theie until they
woulu see the ciack between the woilus
The Nagual since he hau no qualms oi feai about uoing anything
pusheu them without meicy so they coulu finu out foi themselves that
theie is a ciack in women a ciack that they uisguise veiy well Buiing
theii peiiou no mattei how wellmaue the uisguise is it falls away anu
women aie baie The Nagual pusheu my giils until they weie halfueau
to open that ciack They uiu it Be maue them uo it but it took them
yeais
Bow uiu they become appientices I askeu
Lidia was his fiist appientice Be founu hei one moining when he
hau stoppeu at a uisheveleu hut in the mountains The Nagual tolu me
that theie was no one in sight anu yet theie hau been omens calling him
to that house since eaily moining The bieeze hau botheieu him teiiibly
Be saiu that he couldnt even open his eyes eveiy time he tiieu to walk
away fiom that aiea
So when he founu the house he knew that something was theie Be
lookeu unuei a pile of stiaw anu twigs anu founu a giil She was veiy ill
She coulu haiuly talk but still she tolu him that she didnt neeu anyone
to help hei She was going to keep on sleeping theie anu if she didnt
wake up anymoie no one woulu lose a thing
The Nagual likeu hei spiiit anu talkeu to hei in hei language Be tolu
hei that he was going to cuie hei anu take caie of hei until she was
stiong again She iefuseu She was an Inuian who hau known only
haiuships anu pain She tolu the Nagual that she hau alieauy taken all
the meuicine that hei paients hau given hei anu nothing helpeu
The moie she talkeu the moie the Nagual unueistoou that the omen
hau pointeu hei out to him in a most peculiai way The omen was moie
like a commanu
The Nagual pickeu the giil up anu put hei on his shoulueis like a
chilu anu biought hei to Genaros place Genaro maue meuicine foi hei
She couldnt open hei eyes anymoie The lius weie stuck togethei They
weie swollen anu hau a yellowish ciuu on them They weie festeiing The
Nagual tenueu hei until she was well Be hiieu me to look aftei hei anu
cook hei meals I helpeu hei to get well with my foou She is my fiist
baby When she was well anu that took neaily a yeai the Nagual
wanteu to ietuin hei to hei paients but the giil iefuseu to go anu went
with him insteau
A shoit time aftei he hau founu Lidia while she was still sick anu in
my caie the Nagual founu you You weie biought to him by a man he hau
nevei seen befoie in his life The Nagual saw that the mans ueath was
hoveiing above his heau anu he founu it veiy ouu that the man woulu
point you out to him at such a time You maue the Nagual laugh anu iight
away the Nagual set a test foi you Be didnt take you Be tolu you to
come anu finu him Be has testeu you evei since like he has testeu no one
else Be saiu that that was youi path
Foi thiee yeais he hau only two appientices Lidia anu you Then
one uay while he was visiting his fiienu Vicente a cuiei fiom the noith
Some people biought in a ciazy giil a giil who uiu nothing else but ciy
The people mistook the Nagual foi Vicente anu placeu the giil in his
hanus The Nagual tolu me that the giil ian to him anu clung to him as if
she knew him
The Nagual tolu hei paients that they hau to leave hei with him
They weie woiiieu about the cost but the Nagual assuieu them that it
woulu be fiee I suppose that the giil was such a pain in the ass to them
that they didnt minu getting iiu of hei
The Nagual biought hei to me That was hell She was tiuly ciazy
That was Josefina It took the Nagual yeais to cuie hei but even to this
uay shes ciaziei than a bat She was of couise ciazy about the Nagual
anu theie was a teiiible fight between Lidia anu Josefina They hateu
each othei But I likeu them both
But the Nagual when he saw that they couldnt get along became
veiy fiim with them As you know the Nagual cant get mau at anyone So
he scaieu them half to ueath 0ne uay Lidia got mau anu left She hau
ueciueu to finu heiself a young husbanu 0n the ioau she founu a tiny
chicken It hau just been hatcheu anu was lost in the miuule of the ioau
Lidia pickeu it up anu since she was in a ueseiteu aiea with no houses
aiounu she figuieu that the chicken belongeu to no one
She put it insiue hei blouse in between hei bieasts to keep it waim
Lidia tolu me that she ian anu in uoing so the little chicken began to
move to hei siue She tiieu to biing him back to the fiont but she
couldnt catch him The chicken ian veiy fast aiounu hei siues anu hei
back insiue hei blouse The chickens feet tickleu hei at fiist anu then
they uiove hei ciazy When she iealizeu that she couldnt get him out
she came back to me scieaming out of hei minu anu tolu me to get the
uain thing out of hei blouse I unuiesseu hei but that was to no avail
Theie was no chicken at all anu yet she still felt its feet on hei skin going
aiounu anu aiounu
The Nagual came ovei then anu tolu hei that only when she let go of
hei olu self woulu the chicken stop iunning Lidia was ciazy foi thiee
uays anu thiee nights The Nagual tolu me to tie hei up I feu hei anu
cleaneu hei anu gave hei watei 0n the fouith uay she became veiy
peaceful anu calm I untieu hei anu she put on hei clothes anu when she
was uiesseu again as she hau been the uay she ian away the little
chicken came out She took him in hei hanu anu petteu anu thankeu him
anu ietuineu him to the place wheie she hau founu him I walkeu with
hei pait of the way
Fiom that time on Lidia nevei botheieu anyone She accepteu hei
fate The Nagual is hei fate Without him she woulu have been ueau So
what was the point of tiying to iefuse oi molu things which can only be
accepteu
Josefina went off next She was alieauy afiaiu of what happeneu to
Lidia but she soon foigot about it 0ne Sunuay afteinoon when she was
coming back to the house a uiy leaf got stuck in the thieaus of hei shawl
Bei shawl was loosely woven She tiieu to pick out the small leaf but she
was afiaiu of iuining hei shawl
So when she came into the house she immeuiately tiieu to loosen it
but theie was no way It was stuck Josefina in a fit of angei clutcheu the
shawl anu the leaf anu ciumbleu it insiue hei hanu She figuieu that
small pieces woulu be easiei to pick out I heaiu a mauuening scieam anu
Josefina fell to the giounu I ian to hei anu founu that she couldnt open
hei hanu The leaf hau cut hei hanu to shieus as if it weie pieces of a
iazoi blaue
Lidia anu I helpeu hei anu nuiseu hei foi seven uays Josefina was
moie stubboin than anyone else She neaily uieu At the enu she
manageu to open hei hanu but only aftei she hau in hei own minu
iesolveu to uiop hei olu ways
She still gets pains in hei bouy fiom time to time especially in hei
hanu uue to the ugly uisposition that still ietuins to hei The Nagual tolu
both of them that they shouldnt count on theii victoiy because its a
lifetime stiuggle that each of us wages against oui olu selves
Lidia anu Josefina nevei fought again I uont think they like each
othei but they ceitainly get along I love those two the most They have
been with me all these yeais I know that they love me too
What about the othei two giils Wheie uo they fit
A yeai latei Elena came She is la Gorda She was by fai in the woist
conuition you coulu imagine She weigheu two hunuieu anu twenty
pounus She was a uespeiate woman Pablito hau given hei sheltei in his
shop She uiu launuiy anu iioning to suppoit heiself
The Nagual came one night to get Pablito anu founu the fat giil
woiking while a ciicle of moths flew ovei hei heau Be saiu that the
moths hau maue a peifect ciicle foi him to watch Be saw that the woman
was neai the enu of hei life yet the moths must have hau all the
confiuence in the woilu in oiuei foi them to give him such an omen The
Nagual acteu fast anu took hei with him
She uiu fine foi a while but the bau habits that she hau leaineu weie
too ueep anu she couldnt give them up So one uay the Nagual sent foi
the winu to help hei It was a mattei of helping hei oi finishing hei off
The winu began to blow on hei until it uiove hei out of the house She
was alone that uay anu no one saw what was happening The winu
pusheu hei ovei hills anu into iavines until she fell into a uitch a hole in
the giounu like a giave The winu kept hei theie foi uays When the
Nagual finally founu hei she hau manageu to stop the winu but she was
too weak to walk
Bow uiu the giils manage to stop whatevei was acting upon them
Well in the fiist place what was acting upon them was the gouiu
that the Nagual caiiieu tieu to his belt
Anu what is in the gouiu
The allies that the Nagual caiiies with him Be saiu that the ally is
funneleu thiough his gouiu Bont ask me any moie because I know
nothing moie about the ally
All I can tell you is that the Nagual commanus two allies anu makes
them help him In the case of my giils the ally backeu uown when they
weie ieauy to change Foi them of couise it was a case of eithei change
oi ueath But thats the case with all of us one way oi anothei Anu la
Gorda changeu moie than anyone else She was empty in fact moie
empty than I but she woikeu hei spiiit until she became powei itself
I uont like hei Im afiaiu of hei She knows me She gets insiue me
anu my feelings anu that botheis me But no one can uo anything to hei
because she nevei lets hei guaiu uown She doesnt hate me but she
thinks I am an evil woman She may be iight I think that she knows me
too well anu Im not as impeccable as I want to be
But the Nagual tolu me not to woiiy about my feelings towaiu hei
She is like Eligio The woilu no longei touches hei
What uiu the Nagual uo to hei that was so special
Be taught hei things he nevei taught anyone else Be nevei
pampeieu hei oi anything like that Be tiusteu hei She knows
eveiything about eveiybouy The Nagual also tolu me eveiything except
things about hei Naybe thats why I uont like hei The Nagual tolu hei
to be my jailei Wheievei I go I finu hei She knows whatevei I uo Right
now foi instance I wouldnt be suipiiseu if she shows up
Bo you think she woulu
I uoubt it Tonight the winu is with me
What is she supposeu to uo Boes she have a special task
Ive tolu you enough about hei Im afiaiu that if I keep on talking
about hei she will notice me fiom wheievei she is anu I uont want that
to happen
Tell me then about the otheis
Some yeais aftei he founu la Gorda the Nagual founu Eligio Be
tolu me that he hau gone with you to his homelanu Eligio came to see
you because he was cuiious about you
The Nagual didnt notice him Be hau known him since he was a kiu
But one moining as the Nagual walkeu to the house wheie you weie
waiting foi him he bumpeu into Eligio on the ioau They walkeu
togethei foi a shoit uistance anu then a uiieu piece of cholla got stuck on
the tip of Eligios left shoe Be tiieu to kick it loose but its thoins weie
like nails They hau gone ueep into the sole of the shoe The Nagual saiu
that Eligio pointeu up to the sky with his fingei anu shook his foot anu
the cholla came off like a bullet anu went up into the aii
Eligio thought it was a big joke anu laugheu but the Nagual knew
that he hau powei although Eligio himself didnt even suspect it That is
why with no tiouble at all he became the peifect impeccable waiiioi
It was my goou foitune that I got to know him The Nagual thought
that both of us weie alike in one thing 0nce we hook onto something we
uont let go of it The goou foitune of knowing Eligio was a foitune that I
shaieu with no one else not even with la Gorda She met Eligio but
didnt ieally get to know him just like youiself The Nagual knew fiom
the beginning that Eligio was exceptional anu he isolateu him Be knew
that you anu the giils weie on one siue of the coin anu Eligio was by
himself on the othei siue The Nagual anu Genaro weie inueeu veiy
foitunate to have founu him
I fiist met him when the Nagual biought him ovei to my house
Eligio didnt get along with my giils They hateu him anu feaieu him too
But he was thoioughly inuiffeient The woilu didnt touch him
The Nagual didnt want you in paiticulai to have much to uo with
Eligio The Nagual saiu that you aie the kinu of soiceiei one shoulu stay
away fiom Be saiu that youi touch doesnt soothe it spoils insteau Be
tolu me that youi spiiit takes piisoneis Be was somehow ievolteu by
you anu at the same time he likeu you Be saiu that you weie ciaziei than
Josefina when he founu you anu that you still aie
It was an unsettling feeling to heai someone else telling me what uon
Juan thought of me At fiist I tiieu to uisiegaiu what uona Soledad was
saying but then I felt utteily stupiu anu out of place tiying to piotect my
ego
Be botheieu with you she went on because he was commanueu
by powei to uo so Anu he being the impeccable waiiioi he was yielueu
to his mastei anu glauly uiu what powei tolu him to uo with you
Theie was a pause I was aching to ask hei moie about uon Juans
feelings about me I askeu hei to tell me about hei othei giil insteau
A month aftei he founu Eligio the Nagual founu Rosa she saiu
Rosa was the last one 0nce he founu hei he knew that his numbei was
complete
Bow uiu he finu hei
Be hau gone to see Benigno in his homelanu Be was appioaching
the house when Rosa came out fiom the thick bushes on the siue of the
ioau chasing a pig that hau gotten loose anu was iunning away The pig
ian too fast foi Rosa
She bumpeu into the Nagual anu couldnt catch up with the pig She
then tuineu against the Nagual anu began to yell at him Be maue a
gestuie to giab hei anu she was ieauy to fight him She insulteu him anu
uaieu him to lay a hanu on hei The Nagual likeu hei spiiit immeuiately
but theie was no omen The Nagual saiu that he waiteu a moment befoie
walking away anu then the pig came iunning back anu stoou besiue him
That was the omen Rosa put a iope aiounu the pig The Nagual
askeu hei pointblank if she was happy in hei job She saiu no She was a
livein seivant The Nagual askeu hei if she woulu go with him anu she
saiu that if it was what she thought it was foi the answei was no
The Nagual saiu it was foi woik anu she wanteu to know how much
he woulu pay Be gave hei a figuie anu then she askeu what kinu of woik
it was The Nagual saiu that it was to woik with him in the tobacco fielus
of Veracruz She tolu him then that she hau been testing him If he woulu
have saiu he wanteu hei to woik as a maiu she woulu have known that
he was a liai because he lookeu like someone who hau nevei hau a home
in his life
The Nagual was uelighteu with hei anu tolu hei that if she wanteu to
get out of the tiap she was in she shoulu come to Benignos house befoie
noon Be also tolu hei that he woulu wait no longei than twelve If she
came she hau to be piepaieu foi a uifficult life anu plenty of woik She
askeu him how fai was the place of the tobacco fielus The Nagual saiu
thiee uays iiue in a bus
Rosa saiu that if it was that fai she woulu ceitainly be ieauy to go as
soon as she got the pig back in his pen Anu she uiu just that She came
heie anu eveiyone likeu hei She was nevei mean oi botheisome The
Nagual didnt have to foice hei oi tiick hei into anything She doesnt
like me at all anu yet she takes caie of me bettei than anyone else I tiust
hei anu yet I uont like hei at all anu when I leave I will miss hei the
most Can you beat that
I saw a flickei of sauness in hei eyes I coulu not sustain my uistiust
She wipeu hei eyes with a casual movement of hei hanu
Theie was a natuial bieak in the conveisation at that point It was
getting uaik by then anu wiiting was veiy uifficult besiues I hau to go to
the bathioom She insisteu that I use the outhouse befoie she uiu as the
Nagual himself woulu have uone
Afteiwaiu she biought two iounu tubs the size of a chilus bathtub
filleu them halffull with waim watei anu auueu some gieen leaves aftei
mashing them thoioughly with hei hanus She tolu me in an authoiitative
tone to wash myself in one of the tubs while she uiu the same in the
othei The watei hau an almost peifumeu smell It causeu a ticklish
sensation It felt like a milu menthol on my face anu aims
We went back to hei ioom She put my wiiting geai which I hau left
on hei beu on top of one of hei chests of uiaweis The winuows weie
open anu theie was still light It must have been close to seven
Bona Soledad lay on hei back She was smiling at me I thought that
she was the pictuie of waimth But at the same time anu in spite of hei
smile hei eyes gave out a feeling of iuthlessness anu unbenuing foice
I askeu hei how long she hau been with uon Juan as his woman oi
appientice She maue fun of my cautiousness in labeling hei Bei answei
was seven yeais She ieminueu me then that I hau not seen hei foi five I
hau been convinceu up to that point that I hau seen hei two yeais befoie
I tiieu to iemembei the last time but I coulu not
She tolu me to lie uown next to hei I knelt on the beu by hei siue In a
veiy soft voice she askeu me if I was afiaiu I saiu no which was the tiuth
Theie in hei ioom at that moment I was being confionteu by an olu
iesponse of mine which hau manifesteu itself countless times a mixtuie
of cuiiosity anu suiciual inuiffeience
Almost in a whispei she saiu that she hau to be impeccable with me
anu tell me that oui meeting was ciucial foi both of us She saiu that the
Nagual hau given hei uiiect anu uetaileu oiueis of what to uo As she
talkeu I coulu not help laughing at hei tiemenuous effoit to sounu like
uon Juan I listeneu to hei statements anu coulu pieuict what she woulu
say next
Suuuenly she sat up Bei face was a few inches fiom mine I coulu see
hei white teeth shining in the semiuaikness of the ioom She put hei
aims aiounu me in an embiace anu pulleu me on top of hei
Ny minu was veiy cleai anu yet something was leauing me ueepei
anu ueepei into a soit of moiass I was expeiiencing myself as something
I hau no conception of
Suuuenly I knew that I hau somehow been feeling hei feelings all
along She was the stiange one She hau mesmeiizeu me with woius She
was a colu olu woman Anu hei uesigns weie not those of youth anu
vigoi in spite of hei vitality anu stiength
I knew then that uon Juan hau not tuineu hei heau in the same
uiiection as mine That thought woulu have been iiuiculous in any othei
context Nonetheless at that moment I took it as a tiue insight A feeling
of alaim swept thiough my bouy I wanteu to get out of hei beu but theie
seemeu to be an extiaoiuinaiy foice aiounu me that kept me fixeu
incapable of moving away I was paialyzeu
She must have felt my iealization All of a suuuen she pulleu the banu
that tieu hei haii anu in one swift movement she wiappeu it aiounu my
neck I felt the tension of the banu on my skin but somehow it uiu not
seem ieal
Bon Juan hau always saiu to me that oui gieat enemy is the fact that
we nevei believe what is happening to us At the moment uona Soledad
was wiapping the cloth like a noose aiounu my thioat I knew what he
meant But even aftei I hau hau that intellectual ieflection my bouy uiu
not ieact I iemaineu flacciu almost inuiffeient to what seemeu to be my
ueath
I felt the exeition of hei aims anu shoulueis as she tighteneu the
banu aiounu my neck She was choking me with gieat foice anu
expeitise I began to gasp Bei eyes staieu at me with a mauuening glaie
I knew then that she intenueu to kill me
Bon Juan hau saiu that when we finally iealize what is going on it is
usually too late to tuin back Be contenueu that it is always the intellect
that fools us because it ieceives the message fiist but iathei than giving
it cieuence anu acting on it immeuiately it uallies with it insteau
I heaiu then oi peihaps I felt a snapping sounu at the base of my
neck iight behinu my winupipe I thought that she hau ciackeu my neck
Ny eais buzzeu anu then they tingleu I expeiienceu an exceptional
claiity of heaiing I thought that I must be uying
I loatheu my incapacity to uo anything to uefenu myself I coulu not
even move a muscle to kick hei I was unable to bieathe anymoie Ny
bouy shiveieu anu suuuenly I stoou up anu was fiee out of hei ueauly
giip
I lookeu uown on the beu I seemeu to be looking uown fiom the
ceiling I saw my bouy motionless anu limp on top of heis I saw hoiioi in
hei eyes I wanteu hei to let go of the noose I hau a fit of wiath foi having
been so stupiu anu hit hei smack on the foieheau with my fist
She shiiekeu anu helu hei heau anu then passeu out but befoie she
uiu I caught a fleeting glimpse of a phantasmagoiic scene I saw uona
Soledad being huileu out of the beu by the foice of my blow I saw hei
iunning towaiu the wall anu huuuling up against it like a fiighteneu
chilu
The next impiession I hau was of having a teiiible uifficulty in
bieathing Ny neck huit Ny thioat seemeu to have uiieu up so intensely
that I coulu not swallow It took me a long time to gathei enough stiength
to get up
I then examineu uona Soledad She was lying unconscious on the beu
She hau an enoimous ieu lump on hei foieheau I got some watei anu
splasheu it on hei face the way uon Juan hau always uone with me
When she iegaineu consciousness I maue hei walk holuing hei by
the aimpits She was soakeu in peispiiation I applieu towels with colu
watei on hei foieheau She thiew up anu I was almost suie she hau a
biain concussion She was shiveiing
I tiieu to pile clothes anu blankets ovei hei foi waimth but she took
off all hei clothes anu tuineu hei bouy to face the winu She askeu me to
leave hei alone anu saiu that if the winu changeu uiiection it woulu be a
sign that she was going to get well She helu my hanu in a soit of biief
hanushake anu tolu me that it was fate that hau pitteu us against each
othei
I think one of us was supposeu to uie tonight she saiu
Bont be silly Youre not finisheu yet I saiu anu ieally meant it
Something maue me feel confiuent that she was all iight I went
outsiue pickeu up a stick anu walkeu to my cai The uog giowleu Be
was still cuileu up on the seat I tolu him to get out Be meekly jumpeu
out Theie was something uiffeient about him I saw his enoimous shape
tiotting away in the semiuaikness Be went to his coiial
I was fiee I sat in the cai foi a moment to uelibeiate No I was not
fiee Something was pulling me back into the house I hau unfinisheu
business theie I was no longei afiaiu of uona Soledad
In fact an extiaoiuinaiy inuiffeience hau taken possession of me I
felt that she hau given me uelibeiately oi unconsciously a supiemely
impoitant lesson 0nuei the hoiienuous piessuie of hei attempt to kill
me I hau actually acteu upon hei fiom a level that woulu have been
inconceivable unuei noimal ciicumstances
I hau neaily been stiangleu Something in that confounueu ioom of
heis hau ienueieu me helpless anu yet I hau extiicateu myself I coulu
not imagine what hau happeneu Peihaps it was as uon Juan hau always
maintaineu that all of us have an extia potential something which is
theie but iaiely gets to be useu I hau actually hit uona Soledad fiom a
phantom position
I took my flashlight fiom the cai went back into the house lit all the
keiosene lanteins I coulu finu anu sat uown at the table in the fiont ioom
to wiite Woiking ielaxeu me
Towaiu uawn uona Soledad stumbleu out of hei ioom She coulu
haiuly keep hei balance She was completely nakeu She became ill anu
collapseu by the uooi I gave hei some watei anu tiieu to covei hei with
a blanket She iefuseu it I became conceineu with the possibility of hei
losing bouy heat She mutteieu that she hau to be nakeu if she expecteu
the winu to cuie hei
She maue a plastei of masheu leaves applieu it to hei foieheau anu
fixeu it in place with hei tuiban She wiappeu a blanket aiounu hei bouy
anu came to the table wheie I was wiiting anu sat uown facing me Bei
eyes weie ieu She lookeu tiuly sick
Theie is something I must tell you she saiu in a weak voice The
Nagual set me up to wait foi you I hau to wait even if it took twenty
yeais Be gave me instiuctions on how to entice you anu steal youi
powei Be knew that soonei oi latei you hau to come to see Pablito anu
Nestoi so he tolu me to use that oppoitunity to bewitch you anu take
eveiything you have
The Nagual saiu that if I liveu an impeccable life my powei woulu
biing you heie when theie woulu be no one else in the house Ny powei
uiu that Touay you came when eveiybouy was gone Ny impeccable life
hau helpeu me All that was left foi me to uo was to take youi powei anu
then kill you
But why woulu you want to uo such a hoiiible thing
Because I neeu youi powei foi my own jouiney The Nagual hau to
set it up that way You hau to be the one Aftei all I ieally uont know you
You mean nothing to me So why shouldnt I take something I neeu so
uespeiately fiom someone who doesnt count at all Those weie the
Naguals veiy woius
Why woulu the Nagual want to huit me You youiself saiu that he
woiiieu about me
What Ive uone to you tonight has nothing to uo with what he feels
foi you oi myself This is only between the two of us Theie have been no
witnesses to what took place touay between the two of us because both
of us aie pait of the Nagual himself
But you in paiticulai have ieceiveu anu kept something of him that I
uont have something that I neeu uespeiately the special powei that he
gave you The Nagual saiu that he hau given something to each of his six
chiluien
I cant ieach Eligio I cant take it fiom my giils So that leaves you as
my piey
I maue the powei the Nagual gave me giow anu in giowing it
changeu my bouy You maue youi powei giow too I wanteu that powei
fiom you anu foi that I hau to kill you The Nagual saiu that even if you
didnt uie you woulu fall unuei my spell anu become my piisonei foi life
if I wanteu it so Eithei way youi powei was going to be mine
But how coulu my ueath benefit you
Not youi ueath but youi powei I uiu it because I neeu a boost
Without it I will have a hellish time on my jouiney I uont have enough
guts Thats why I uislike la Gorda Shes young anu has plenty of guts
Im olu anu have seconu thoughts anu uoubts If you want to know the
tiuth the ieal stiuggle is between Pablito anu myself Be is my moital
enemy not you The Nagual saiu that youi powei coulu make my jouiney
easiei anu help me get what I neeu
Bow on eaith can Pablito be youi enemy
When the Nagual changeu me he knew what woulu eventually
happen Fiist of all he set me up so my eyes woulu face the noith Anu
although you anu my giils aie the same I am the opposite of you people I
go in a uiffeient uiiection Pablito Nestoi anu Benigno aie with you The
uiiection of theii eyes is the same as youis All of you will go togethei
towaiu Yucatan
Pablito is my enemy not because his eyes weie set in the opposite
uiiection but because he is my son This is what I hau to tell you even
though you uont know what I am talking about I have to entei into the
othei woilu wheie the Nagual is now wheie Genaro anu Eligio aie
now even if I have to uestioy Pablito to uo that
What aie you saying uona Soledad Youre ciazy
No I am not Theie is nothing moie impoitant foi us living beings
than to entei into that woilu I will tell you that foi me that is tiue To get
to that woilu I live the way the Nagual taught me Without the hope of
that woilu I am nothing nothing I was a fat olu cow
Now that hope gives me a guiue a uiiection anu even if I cant take
youi powei I still have my puipose
She iesteu hei heau on the table using hei aims as a pillow The foice
of hei statements hau numbeu me I hau not unueistoou what exactly she
hau meant but I coulu almost empathize with hei plea although it was
the stiangest thing I hau yet heaiu fiom hei that night Bei puipose was
a waiiiois puipose in uon Juans style anu teiminology I nevei knew
howevei that one hau to uestioy people in oiuei to fulfill it
She lifteu up hei heau anu lookeu at me with halfcloseu eyelius
At the beginning eveiything woikeu fine foi me touay she saiu I
was a bit scaieu when you uiove up I hau waiteu yeais foi that moment
The Nagual tolu me that you like women Be saiu you aie an easy piey
foi them so I playeu you foi a quick finish I figuieu that you woulu go foi
it
The Nagual hau taught me how I shoulu giab you at the moment
when you aie the weakest I was leauing you to that moment with my
bouy But you became suspicious I was too clumsy
I hau taken you to my ioom as the Nagual tolu me to uo so the lines
of my flooi woulu entiap you anu make you helpless But you fooleu my
flooi by liking it anu by watching its lines intently It hau no powei as
long as youi eyes weie on its lines Youi bouy knew what to uo Then you
scaieu my flooi yelling the way you uiu Suuuen noises like that aie
ueauly especially the voice of a soiceiei The powei of my flooi uieu out
like a flame I knew it but you didnt
You weie about to leave then so I hau to stop you The Nagual hau
shown me how to use my hanu to giab you I tiieu to uo that but my
powei was low Ny flooi was scaieu Youi eyes hau numbeu its lines No
one else has evei laiu eyes on them
So I faileu in my attempt to giab youi neck You got out of my giip
befoie I hau time to squeeze you I knew then that you weie slipping
away anu I tiieu one final attack I useu the key the Nagual saiu woulu
affect you the most fiight I fiighteneu you with my shiieks anu that gave
me enough powei to subuue you
I thought I hau you but my stupiu uog got exciteu Bes stupiu anu
knockeu me off of you when I hau you almost unuei my spell As I see it
now peihaps my uog was not so stupiu aftei all Naybe he noticeu youi
uouble anu chaigeu against it but knockeu me ovei insteau
You saiu he wasnt youi uog
I lieu Be was my tiump caiu The Nagual taught me that I shoulu
always have a tiump caiu an unsuspecteu tiick Somehow I knew that I
might neeu my uog When I took you to see my fiienu it was ieally him
The coyote is my giils fiienu
I wanteu my uog to sniff you When you ian into the house I hau to
be iough with him I pusheu him insiue youi cai making him yell with
pain Bes too big anu coulu haiuly fit ovei the seat
I tolu him iight then to maul you to shieus I knew that if you hau
been bauly bitten by my uog you woulu have been helpless anu I coulu
have finisheu you off without any tiouble You escapeu again but you
couldnt leave the house I knew then that I hau to be patient anu wait foi
the uaikness Then the winu changeu uiiection anu I was suie of my
success
The Nagual hau tolu me that he knew without a uoubt that you
woulu like me as a woman It was a mattei of waiting foi the iight
moment The Nagual saiu that you woulu kill youiself once you iealizeu I
hau stolen youi powei But in case I faileu to steal it oi in case you didnt
kill youiself oi in case I didnt want to keep you alive as my piisonei I
shoulu then use my heaubanu to choke you to ueath
Be even showeu me the place wheie I hau to thiow youi caicass a
bottomless pit a ciack in the mountains not too fai fiom heie wheie
goats always uisappeai
The Nagual nevei mentioneu youi awesome siue though Ive tolu
you that one of us was supposeu to uie tonight I didnt know it was
going to be me The Nagual gave me the feeling that I woulu win Bow
ciuel of him not to tell me eveiything about you
Think of me uona Soledad I knew even less than you uiu
Its not the same The Nagual piepaieu me foi yeais foi this I knew
eveiy uetail You weie in my bag The Nagual even showeu me the leaves
I shoulu always keep fiesh anu hanuy to make you numb I put them in
the tub as if they weie foi fiagiance You didnt notice that I useu
anothei kinu of leaf foi my tub You fell foi eveiything I hau piepaieu foi
you Anu yet youi awesome siue won in the enu
What uo you mean my awesome siue
The one that hit me anu will kill me tonight Youi hoiienuous uouble
that came out to finish me I will nevei foiget it anu if I live which I
uoubt I will nevei be the same
Biu it look like me
It was you of couise but not as you look now I cant ieally say what
it lookeu like When I want to think about it I get uizzy
I tolu hei about my fleeting peiception that she hau left hei bouy with
the impact of my blow I intenueu to piou hei with the account It seemeu
to me that the ieason behinu the whole event hau been to foice us to
uiaw fiom souices that aie oiuinaiily baiieu to us
I hau positively given hei a uieauful blow I hau causeu piofounu
uamage to hei bouy anu yet I coulu not have uone it myself I uiu feel I
hau hit hei with my left fist The enoimous ieu lump on hei foieheau
attesteu to that yet I hau no swelling in my knuckles oi the slightest pain
oi uiscomfoit in them A blow of that magnituue coulu even have bioken
my hanu
0pon heaiing my uesciiption of how I hau seen hei huuuling against
the wall she became thoioughly uespeiate I askeu hei if she hau hau any
inkling of what I hau seen such as a sensation of leaving hei bouy oi a
fleeting peiception of the ioom
I know now that I am uoomeu she saiu veiy few suivive a touch
of the uouble If my soul has left alieauy I wont suivive Ill get weakei
anu weakei until I uie
Bei eyes hau a wilu glaie She iaiseu heiself anu seemeu to be on the
veige of stiiking me but she slumpeu back
Youve taken my soul she saiu You must have it in youi pouch
now Why uiu you have to tell me though
I swoie to hei that I hau hau no intentions of huiting hei that I hau
acteu in whatevei foim only in selfuefense anu theiefoie I boie no
malice towaiu hei
If you uont have my soul in youi pouch its even woise she saiu
It must be ioaming aimlessly aiounu I will nevei get it back then
Bona Soledad seemeu to be voiu of eneigy Bei voice became
weakei I wanteu hei to go anu lie uown She iefuseu to leave the table
The Nagual saiu that if I faileu completely I shoulu then give you his
message she saiu Be tolu me to tell you that he hau ieplaceu youi
bouy a long time ago You aie himself now
What uiu he mean by that
Bes a soiceiei Be enteieu into youi olu bouy anu ieplaceu its
luminosity Now you shine like the Nagual himself Youre not youi
fatheis son anymoie You aie the Nagual himself
Bona Soledad stoou up She was gioggy She appeaieu to want to say
something else but hau tiouble vocalizing She walkeu to hei ioom I
helpeu hei to the uooi She uiu not want me to entei She uioppeu the
blanket that coveieu hei anu lay uown on hei beu
She askeu in a veiy soft voice if I woulu go to a hill a shoit uistance
away anu watch fiom theie to see if the winu was coming She auueu in a
most casual mannei that I shoulu take hei uog with me Somehow hei
iequest uiu not sounu iight I saiu that I woulu climb up on the ioof anu
look fiom theie She tuineu hei back to me anu saiu that the least I coulu
uo foi hei was to take hei uog to the hill so that he coulu luie the winu
I became veiy iiiitateu with hei Bei ioom in the uaikness gave out a
most eeiie feeling I went into the kitchen anu got two lanteins anu
biought them back with me At the sight of the light she scieameu
hysteiically I let out a yell myself but foi a uiffeient ieason When the
light hit the ioom I saw the flooi cuileu up like a cocoon aiounu hei beu
Ny peiception was so fleeting that the next instant I coulu have swoin
that the shauow of the wiie piotective masks of the lanteins hau cieateu
that ghastly scene
Ny phantom peiception maue me fuiious I shook hei by the
shoulueis She wept like a chilu anu piomiseu not to tiy any moie of hei
tiicks I placeu the lanteins on the chest of uiaweis anu she fell asleep
instantly
By miumoining the winu hau changeu I felt a stiong gust coming
thiough the noith winuow Aiounu noon uona Soledad came out again
She seemeu a bit wobbly The ieuness in hei eyes hau uisappeaieu anu
the swelling of hei foieheau hau uiminisheu Theie was haiuly any
visible lump
I felt that it was time foi me to leave I tolu hei that although I hau
wiitten uown the message that she hau given me fiom uon Juan it uiu
not claiify anything
Youre not youi fatheis son anymoie You aie now the Nagual
himself she saiu
Theie was something tiuly incongiuous about me A few houis befoie
I hau been helpless anu uona Soledad hau actually tiieu to kill me But at
that moment when she was speaking to me I hau foigotten the hoiioi of
that event
Anu yet theie was anothei pait of me that coulu spenu uays mulling
ovei meaningless confiontations with people conceining my peisonality
oi my woik That pait seemeu to be the ieal me the me that I hau known
all my life
The me howevei who hau gone thiough a bout with ueath that night
anu then foigotten about it was not ieal It was me anu yet it was not In
the light of such incongiuities uon Juans claims seemeu to be less
faifetcheu but still unacceptable
Bona Soledad seemeu absentminueu She smileu peacefully
Oh they aie heie she saiu suuuenly Bow foitunate foi me Ny
giils aie heie Now theyll take caie of me
She seemeu to have hau a tuin foi the woise She lookeu as stiong as
evei but hei behavioi was moie uisassociateu Ny feais mounteu I uiu
not know whethei to leave hei theie oi take hei to a hospital in the city
seveial hunuieu miles away
All of a suuuen she jumpeu up like a little chilu anu ian out the fiont
uooi anu uown the uiiveway towaiu the main ioau Bei uog ian aftei
hei I huiiieuly got in my cai in oiuei to catch up with hei I hau to uiive
uown the path in ieveise since theie was no space to tuin aiounu As I
appioacheu the ioau I saw thiough the back winuow that uona Soledad
was suiiounueu by foui young women
Carlos Castaneda Seconu Ring of Powei The Little Sisteis
veision
The Little Sisteis
Bona Soledad seemeu to be explaining something to the foui women
who suiiounueu hei She moveu hei aims in uiamatic gestuies anu helu
hei heau in hei hanus It was obvious she was telling them about me
I uiove up the uiiveway to wheie I hau been paikeu befoie I
intenueu to wait foi them theie I uelibeiateu whethei to iemain in the
cai oi to sit casually on the left fenuei I opteu to stanu by the cai uooi
ieauy to jump in anu uiive away if something like the events of the
pievious uay weie going to be iepeateu
I was veiy tiieu I hau not slept a wink foi ovei twentyfoui houis Ny
plan was to uisclose to the young women as much as I coulu about the
inciuent with uona Soledad so they coulu take the necessaiy steps to aiu
hei anu then I woulu leave Theii piesence hau biought about a uefinite
change Eveiything seemeu to be chaigeu with new vigoi anu eneigy I
felt the change when I saw uona Soledad suiiounueu by them
Bona Soledads ievelation that they weie uon Juans appientices hau
given them such a tantalizing appeal that I coulu haiuly wait to meet
them I wonueieu if they weie like uona Soledad She hau saiu that they
weie like myself anu that we weie going in the same uiiection That
coulu be easily inteipieteu in a positive sense I wanteu to believe that
moie than anything else
Bon Juan useu to call them las hermanitas the little sisteis a most
befitting name at least foi the two I hau met Lidia anu Rosa two wispy
pixielike chaiming young women I figuieu that they must have been in
theii eaily twenties when I hau fiist met them although Pablito anu
Nestoi always iefuseu to talk about theii ages
The othei two Josefina anu Elena weie a total mysteiy to me I useu
to heai theii names being mentioneu fiom time to time always in some
unfavoiable context I hau ueuuceu fiom passing iemaiks maue by uon
Juan that they weie somehow fieakish one was ciazy anu the othei
obese thus they weie kept in isolation
0nce I bumpeu into Josefina as I walkeu into the house with uon
Juan Be intiouuceu me to hei but she coveieu hei face anu ian away
befoie I hau time to gieet hei Anothei time I caught Elena washing
clothes She was enoimous I thought that she must be suffeiing fiom a
glanuulai uisoiuei I saiu hello to hei but she uiu not tuin aiounu I nevei
saw hei face
Aftei the builuup that uona Soledad hau given them with hei
uisclosuie I felt uiiven to talk with the mysteiious hermanitas anu at
the same time I was almost afiaiu of them
I casually lookeu uown the uiiveway biacing myself to meet all of
them at once The uiiveway was ueseiteu Theie was no one appioaching
although only a minute befoie they hau been no moie than thiity yaius
fiom the house
I climbeu up on the ioof of the cai to look Theie was no one coming
not even the uog I panickeu I sliu uown anu was about to jump in the cai
anu uiive away when I heaiu someone say Hey look whos heie
I quickly tuineu aiounu to face two giils who hau just steppeu out of
the house I ueuuceu that all of them must have iun aheau of me anu
enteieu the house thiough the back uooi I sigheu with ielief
The two young giils came towaiu me I hau to aumit to myself that I
hau nevei ieally noticeu them befoie They weie beautiful uaik anu
extiemely lean but without being skinny Theii long black haii was
biaiueu They woie plain skiits blue uenim jackets anu lowheeleu soft
soleu biown shoes They weie baieleggeu anu theii legs weie shapely
anu musculai They must have been about five feet thiee oi five feet foui
inches They seemeu to be veiy physical They moveu with gieat
piowess 0ne of them was Lidia The othei was Rosa
I gieeteu them anu then in unison they initiateu a hanushake They
flankeu me They lookeu healthy anu vigoious I askeu them to help me
get the packages out of the tiunk As we weie caiiying them into the
house I heaiu a ueep giowl so ueep anu neai that it seemeu moie like a
lions ioai
What was that I askeu Lidia
Bont you know she askeu with a tone of uisbelief
It must be the uog Rosa saiu as they ian into the house piactically
uiagging me with them
We placeu the packages on the table anu sat on two benches Both
giils weie facing me I tolu them that uona Soledad was veiy ill anu that I
was about to take hei to the hospital in the city since I uiu not know what
else to uo to help hei
As I spoke I iealizeu that I was tieauing on uangeious giounu I hau
no way of assessing how much infoimation I shoulu uivulge to them
about the tiue natuie of my bout with uona Soledad I began to look foi
clues I thought that if I watcheu caiefully theii voices oi the expiession
on theii faces woulu betiay how much they knew
But they iemaineu silent anu let me uo all the talking I began to
uoubt that I shoulu volunteei any infoimation at all In my effoit to figuie
out what to uo anu not blunuei I enueu up talking nonsense Lidia cut
me off In a uiy tone she saiu that I shoulu not concein myself with uona
Soledads health because they hau alieauy taken steps to help hei That
statement foiceu me to ask hei if she knew what uona Soledads tiouble
was
Youve taken hei soul she saiu accusingly
Ny fiist ieaction was to uefenu myself I began to talk vehemently but
enueu up contiauicting myself They staieu at me I was making no sense
at all I tiieu again to say the same thing in a uiffeient way Ny fatigue
was so intense that I coulu haiuly oiganize my thoughts Finally I gave
up
Wheie aie Pablito anu Nestoi I askeu aftei a long pause
Theyll be heie shoitly Lidia saiu biiskly
Weie you with them I askeu
No she exclaimeu anu staieu at me
We nevei go togethei Rosa explaineu Those bums aie uiffeient
fiom us
Lidia maue an impeiative gestuie with hei foot to shut hei up She
seemeu to be the one who gave the oiueis Catching the movement of hei
feet biought to my awaieness a most peculiai facet of my ielationship
with uon Juan
In the countless times that we hau ioameu togethei he hau
succeeueu in teaching me without ieally tiying a system of coveit
communication thiough some coueu movements of the feet I watcheu
Lidia give Rosa the sign foi hoiiible a sign given when anything that
happens to be in sight of the signeis is unpleasant oi uangeious In this
case me I laugheu I iemembeieu that uon Juan hau given me that sign
when I fiist met uon Genaro
I pietenueu not to be awaie of what was going on in oiuei to finu out
if I coulu uecoue all theii signs
Rosa maue the sign that she wanteu to step on me Lidia answeieu
with an impeiative sign foi no
Accoiuing to uon Juan Lidia was veiy talenteu As fai as he was
conceineu she was moie sensitive anu aleit than Pablito anu Nestoi anu
myself I hau always been incapable of making fiienus with hei She was
aloof anu veiy cutting She hau enoimous black shifty eyes that nevei
lookeu stiaight at anyone high cheekbones anu a chiseleu nose which
was a bit flat anu bioau at the biiuge I iemembeieu hei having ieu soie
eyelius anu eveiyone taunting hei on account of that The ieuness of hei
eyelius hau uisappeaieu but she continueu to iub hei eyes anu blink a
gieat ueal Buiing my yeais of association with uon Juan anu uon
Genaro
I hau seen Lidia the most anu yet we hau piobably nevei exchangeu
moie than a uozen woius with each othei Pablito iegaiueu hei as a
most uangeious being I always thought she was just extiemely shy
Rosa on the othei hanu was veiy boisteious I thought she was the
youngest Bei eyes weie veiy fiank anu shiny She was nevei shifty but
veiy bautempeieu I hau talkeu with Rosa moie than anyone else She
was fiienuly veiy bolu anu veiy funny
Wheie aie the otheis I askeu Rosa Arent they going to come
out
They will be out shoitly Lidia answeieu
I coulu tell fiom theii expiessions that fiienuliness was not what they
hau in minu }uuging fiom theii foot messages they weie as uangeious as
uona Soledad anu yet as I sat theie looking at them it occuiieu to me
that they weie goigeously beautiful I hau the waimest feelings foi them
In fact the moie they staieu into my eyes the moie intense that
feeling became At one moment it was sheei passion that I felt foi them
They weie so alluiing that I coulu have sat theie foi houis just looking at
them but a sobeiing thought maue me stanu up I was not going to iepeat
my bungling of the night befoie I ueciueu that the best uefense was to
put my caius on the table
In a fiim tone I tolu them that uon Juan hau set up some soit of tiial
foi me using uona Soledad oi vice veisa Chances weie that he hau also
set them up in the same fashion anu we weie going to be pitteu against
one anothei in some soit of battle that coulu iesult in injuiy to some of
us I appealeu to theii sense of warriorship If they weie the tiuthful
heiis of uon Juan they hau to be impeccable with me ieveal theii
uesigns anu not behave like oiuinaiy gieeuy human beings
I tuineu to Rosa anu askeu hei the ieason foi wishing to step on me
She was taken aback foi an instant anu then she became angiy Bei eyes
flaieu with iage Bei small mouth contiacteu
Lidia in a veiy coheient mannei saiu that I hau nothing to feai fiom
them anu that Rosa was angiy with me because I hau huit uona
Soledad Bei feelings weie puiely a peisonal ieaction
I saiu then that it was time I left I stoou up Lidia maue a gestuie to
stop me She seemeu scaieu oi ueeply conceineu She began to piotest
when a noise coming fiom outsiue the uooi uistiacteu me The two giils
jumpeu to my siue Something heavy was leaning oi pushing against the
uooi I noticeu then that the giils hau secuieu it with the heavy iion bai I
hau a feeling of uisgust The whole affaii was going to be iepeateu again
anu I was sick anu tiieu of it all
The giils glanceu at each othei then lookeu at me anu then lookeu at
each othei again
I heaiu the whining anu heavy bieathing of a laige animal outsiue the
house It might have been the uog Exhaustion blinueu me at that point I
iusheu to the uooi iemoveu the heavy iion bai anu staiteu to open it
Lidia thiew heiself against the uooi anu shut it again
The Nagual was iight she saiu out of bieath You think anu think
Youre uumbei than I thought
She pulleu me back to the table I ieheaiseu in my minu the best way
to tell them once anu foi all that I hau hau enough Rosa sat next to me
touching me I coulu feel hei leg neivously iubbing against mine Lidia
was stanuing facing me looking at me fixeuly Bei buining black eyes
seemeu to be saying something I coulu not unueistanu
I began to speak but I uiu not finish I hau a suuuen anu most
piofounu awaieness Ny bouy was awaie of a gieenish light a
fluoiescence outsiue the house I uiu not see oi heai anything I was
simply awaie of the light as if I weie suuuenly falling asleep anu my
thoughts weie tuining into images that weie supeiimposeu on the woilu
of eveiyuay life
The light was moving at a gieat speeu I coulu sense it with my
stomach I followeu it oi iathei I focuseu my attention on it foi an instant
as it moveu aiounu A gieat claiity of minu ensueu fiom focusing my
attention on the light I knew then that in that house in the piesence of
those people it was wiong anu uangeious to behave as an innocent
bystanuei
Arent you afiaiu Rosa askeu pointing to the uooi
Bei voice uisiupteu my concentiation
I aumitteu that whatevei was theie was scaiing me at a veiy ueep
level enough to make me uie of fiight I wanteu to say moie but iight
then I hau a suige of wiath anu I wanteu to see anu talk with uona
Soledad I uiu not tiust hei I went uiiectly to hei ioom She was not
theie I began to call hei bellowing hei name The house hau one moie
ioom I pusheu the uooi open anu iusheu insiue Theie was no one in
theie Ny angei incieaseu in the same piopoition as my feai
I went out the back uooi anu walkeu aiounu to the fiont Not even the
uog was in sight I bangeu on the fiont uooi fuiiously Lidia openeu it I
enteieu I yelleu at hei to tell me wheie eveiybouy was She loweieu hei
eyes anu uiu not answei She wanteu to close the uooi but I woulu not let
hei She quickly walkeu away anu went into the othei ioom
I sat uown again at the table Rosa hau not moveu She seemeu to be
fiozen on the spot
We aie the same she saiu suuuenly The Nagual tolu us that
Tell me then what was piowling aiounu the house I askeu
The ally she saiu
Wheie is it now
It is still heie It wont go The moment youre weak itll squash you
But were not the ones who can tell you anything
Who can tell me then
La Gorda Rosa exclaimeu opening hei eyes as wiue as she coulu
Shes the one She knows eveiything
Rosa askeu me if she coulu close the uooi just to be on the safe siue
Without waiting foi an answei she incheu hei way to the uooi anu
slammeu it shut
Theie is nothing we can uo except wait until eveiyone is heie she
saiu
Lidia came back into the ioom with a package an object wiappeu up
in a piece of uaik yellow cloth She seemeu veiy ielaxeu I noticeu that
she hau a most commanueeiing touch Somehow she impaiteu hei moou
to Rosa anu myself
Bo you know what I have heie she askeu me
I uiu not have the vaguest iuea She began to unwiap it in a veiy
uelibeiate mannei taking hei time Then she stoppeu anu lookeu at me
She seemeu to vacillate She giinneu as if she weie too shy to show what
was in the bunule
This package was left by the Nagual foi you she mutteieu but I
think wed bettei wait foi la Gorda
I insisteu that she unwiap it She gave me a feiocious look anu took
the package out of the ioom without saying anothei woiu
I enjoyeu Lidias game She hau peifoimeu something quite in line
with uon Juans teachings She hau given me a uemonstiation of how to
get the best use out of an aveiage situation By biinging the package to
me anu pietenuing that she was going to open it aftei uisclosing that uon
Juan hau left it foi me she hau inueeu cieateu a mysteiy that was almost
unbeaiable
She knew that I hau to stay if I wanteu to finu out the contents of that
package I coulu think of a numbei of things that might be in that bunule
Peihaps it was the pipe uon Juan useu when hanuling psychotiopic
mushiooms Be hau intimateu that the pipe woulu be given to me foi
safekeeping
0i it might have been his knife oi his leathei pouch oi even his
soiceiy powei objects 0n the othei hanu it might have been meiely a
ploy on Lidias pait Bon Juan was too sophisticateu too abstiact to
leave me an heiiloom
I tolu Rosa that I was ueau on my feet anu weak fiom hungei Ny iuea
was to uiive to the city iest foi a couple of uays anu then come back to
see Pablito anu Nestoi I saiu that by then I might even get to meet the
othei two giils
Lidia ietuineu then anu Rosa tolu hei of my intention to leave
The Nagual gave us oiueis to attenu to you as if you weie himself
Lidia saiu We aie all the Nagual himself but you aie even moie so foi
some ieason that no one unueistanus
Both of them talkeu to me at once anu guaianteeu in vaiious ways
that no one was going to attempt anything against me as uona Soledad
hau Both of them hau such a fieice look of honesty in theii eyes that my
bouy was oveiwhelmeu I tiusteu them
You must stay until la Gorda comes back Lidia saiu
The Nagual saiu that you shoulu sleep in his beu Rosa auueu
I began to pace the flooi in the thioes of a weiiu uilemma 0n the one
hanu I wanteu to stay anu iest I felt physically at ease anu happy in theii
piesence something I hau not felt the uay befoie with uona Soledad
Ny ieasonable siue on the othei hanu hau not ielaxeu at all At that
level I was as fiighteneu as I hau been all along I hau hau moments of
blinu uespaii anu hau taken bolu actions but aftei the momentum of
those actions hau ceaseu I hau felt as vulneiable as evei
I engageu in some soulseaiching analysis as I paceu the ioom almost
fiantically The two giils iemaineu quiet looking at me anxiously
Then all of a suuuen the iiuule was solveu I knew that something in
me was just pietenuing to be afiaiu I hau become accustomeu to ieacting
that way in uon Juans piesence Thioughout the yeais of oui association
I hau ielieu heavily on him to fuinish me with convenient pacifiers foi
my fiight Ny uepenuency on him hau given me solace anu secuiity
But it was no longei tenable Bon Juan was gone Bis appientices uiu
not have his patience oi his sophistication oi his sheei commanu With
them my neeu to seek solace was plain stupiuity
The giils leu me to the othei ioom The winuow faceu the southeast
anu so uiu the beu which was a thick mat like a mattiess A two foot long
bulky piece of maguey stalk hau been caiveu so that the poious tissue
seiveu as a pillow oi a neckrest In the miuule pait of it theie was a
gentle uip The suiface of the maguey was veiy smooth It appeaieu to
have been hanu iubbeu
I tiieu the beu anu the pillow The comfoit anu bouily satisfaction I
expeiienceu weie unusual Lying on uon Juans beu I felt secuie anu
fulfilleu An unequaleu peace swept thiough my bouy I hau hau a similai
feeling once befoie when uon Juan hau maue a beu foi me on top of a hill
in the ueseit in noithein Nexico I fell asleep
I woke up in the eaily evening Lidia anu Rosa weie neaily on top of
me sounu asleep I stayeu motionless foi one oi two seconus Then both
of them woke up at once
Lidia yawneu anu saiu that they hau hau to sleep next to me in oiuei
to piotect me anu make me iest I was famisheu Lidia sent Rosa to the
kitchen to make us some foou In the meantime she lit all the lanteins in
the house When the foou was ieauy we sat uown at the table I felt as if I
hau known them oi been with them all my life We ate in silence
When Rosa was cleaiing the table I askeu Lidia if all of them slept in
the Naguals beu It was the only othei beu in the house besiues uona
Soledads Lidia saiu in a matteioffact tone that they hau moveu out of
that house yeais befoie to a place of theii own in the same vicinity anu
that Pablito hau also moveu when they uiu anu liveu with Nestoi anu
Benigno
But whats happeneu to you people I thought that you weie all
togethei I saiu
Not anymoie Lidia ieplieu Since the Nagual left we have hau
sepaiate tasks The Nagual joineu us anu the Nagual took us apait
Anu wheies the Nagual now I askeu in the most casual tone I
coulu affect
Both of them lookeu at me anu then glanceu at each othei
Oh we uont know Lidia saiu Be anu Genaro left
She seemeu to be telling the tiuth but I insisteu once moie that they
tell me what they knew
We ieally uont know anything Lidia snappeu at me obviously
flusteieu by my questions They moveu to anothei aiea You have to ask
that question of la Gorda She has something to tell you She knew
yesteiuay that you hau come anu we iusheu all night to get heie We
weie afiaiu that you weie ueau The Nagual tolu us that you aie the only
one we shoulu help anu tiust Be saiu that you aie himself
She coveieu hei face anu giggleu anu then auueu as an afteithought
But thats haiu to believe
We uont know you Rosa saiu Thats the tiouble The foui of us
feel the same way We weie afiaiu that you weie ueau anu then when we
saw you we got mau at you foi not being ueau Soledad is like oui
mothei maybe moie than that
They exchangeu conspiiatoiial looks with each othei I immeuiately
inteipieteu that as a sign of tiouble They weie up to no goou Lidia
noticeu my suuuen uistiust which must have been wiitten all ovei my
face She ieacteu with a seiies of asseitions about theii uesiie to help me
I ieally hau no ieason to uoubt theii sinceiity If they hau wanteu to
huit me they coulu have uone so while I was asleep She sounueu so
eainest that I felt petty I ueciueu to uistiibute the gifts I hau biought foi
them I tolu them that theie weie unimpoitant tiinkets in the packages
anu that they coulu choose any one they likeu
Lidia saiu that they woulu piefei it if I assigneu the gifts myself In a
veiy polite tone she auueu that they woulu be giateful if I woulu also
cuie Soledad
What uo you think I shoulu uo to cuie hei I askeu hei aftei a long
silence
0se youi uouble she saiu in a matteioffact tone
I caiefully went ovei the fact that uona Soledad hau neaily
assassinateu me anu that I hau suiviveu by the giace of something in me
which was neithei my skill noi my knowleuge As fai as I was conceineu
that unuefineu something that seemeu to have ueliveieu a blow to hei
was ieal but unieachable In shoit I coulu not help uona Soledad any
moie than I coulu walk to the moon
They listeneu to me attentively anu iemaineu quiet but agitateu
Wheie is uona Soledad now I askeu Lidia
Shes with la Gorda she saiu in a uesponuent tone La Gorda took
hei away anu is tiying to cuie hei but we ieally uont know wheie they
aie Thats the tiuth
Anu wheies Josefina
She went to get the Witness Be is the only one who can cuie
Soledad Rosa thinks that you know moie than the Witness but since
youre angiy with Soledad you want hei ueau We uont blame you
I assuieu them that I was not angiy with hei anu above all I uiu not
want hei ueau
Cuie hei then Rosa saiu in an angiy highpitcheu voice The
Witness has tolu us that you always know what to uo anu the Witness
cant be wiong
Anu who in the uevil is the Witness
Nestoi is the Witness Lidia saiu as if she weie ieluctant to voice his
name You know that You have to
I iemembeieu that uuiing oui last meeting uon Genaro hau calleu
Nestoi the Witness I thought at the time that the name was a joke oi a
ploy that uon Genaro was using to ease the giipping tension anu the
anguish of those last moments togethei
That was no joke Lidia saiu in a fiim tone Genaro anu the Nagual
followeu a uiffeient path with the Witness They took him along with
them eveiywheie they went Anu I mean eveiywheie The Witness has
witnesseu all theie is to witness
0bviously theie was a tiemenuous misunueistanuing between us I
laboieu to explain that I was piactically a stiangei to them Bon Juan hau
kept me away fiom eveiyone incluuing Pablito anu Nestoi 0utsiue of
the casual hellos anu goodbyes that all of them hau exchangeu with me
ovei the yeais we hau nevei actually talkeu
I knew all of them mainly thiough the uesciiptions that uon Juan hau
given me Although I hau once met Josefina I coulu not iemembei what
she lookeu like anu all I hau evei seen of la Gorda was hei gigantic
behinu I saiu to them that I hau not even known until the uay befoie that
the foui of them weie uon Juans appientices noi that Benigno was pait
of the gioup as well
They exchangeu a coy look with each othei Rosa moveu hei lips to
say something but Lidia gave hei a commanu with hei feet I felt that
aftei my long anu soulful explanation they shoulu not still sneak
messages to each othei Ny neives weie so taut that theii coveit foot
movements weie just the thing to senu me into a iage
I yelleu at them at the top of my lungs anu bangeu on the table with
my iight hanu Rosa stoou up with unbelievable speeu anu I suppose as
a iesponse to hei suuuen movement my bouy by itself without the notice
of my ieason moveu a step back just in time to avoiu by inches a blow
fiom a massive stick oi some heavy object that Rosa was wieluing in hei
left hanu It came uown on the table with a thunueious noise
I heaiu again as I hau heaiu the night befoie while uona Soledad was
choking me a most peculiai anu mysteiious sounu a uiy sounu like a
pipe bieaking iight behinu my winupipe at the base of my neck Ny eais
poppeu anu with the speeu of lightning my left aim came uown on top of
Rosas stick anu ciusheu it I saw the whole scene myself as if I hau been
watching a movie
Rosa scieameu anu I iealizeu then that I hau leaneu foiwaiu with all
my weight anu hau stiuck the back of hei hanu with my left fist I was
appalleu Whatevei was happening to me was not ieal It was a
nightmaie Rosa kept on scieaming
Lidia took hei into uon Juans ioom I heaiu hei yells of pain foi a
few moments longei anu then they stoppeu I sat uown at the table Ny
thoughts weie uisassociateu anu incoheient
The peculiai sounu at the base of my neck was something I hau
become keenly awaie of Bon Juan hau uesciibeu it as the sounu one
makes at the moment of changing speeu I hau the faint iecollection of
having expeiienceu it in his company Although I hau become awaie of it
the pievious night I hau not fully acknowleugeu it until it happeneu with
Rosa
I iealizeu then that the sounu hau cieateu a special sensation of heat
on the ioof of my mouth anu insiue my eais The foice anu uiyness of the
sounu maue me think of the peal of a laige ciackeu bell
Lidia ietuineu awhile latei She seemeu moie calm anu collecteu She
even smileu I askeu hei to please help me uniavel that iiuule anu tell me
what hau happeneu Aftei a long vacillation she tolu me that when I hau
yelleu anu bangeu on the table Rosa got exciteu anu neivous anu
believing I was going to huit them she hau tiieu to stiike me with hei
uieam hanu I hau uougeu hei blow anu hit hei on the back of hei hanu
the same way I hau stiuck uona Soledad Lidia saiu that Rosas hanu
woulu be useless unless I founu a way to help hei
Rosa walkeu into the ioom then Bei aim was wiappeu with a piece
of cloth She lookeu at me Bei eyes weie like those of a chilu Ny feelings
weie at the height of tuimoil Some pait of me felt ugly anu guilty But
again anothei pait iemaineu uniuffleu Bau it not been foi that pait I
woulu not have suiviveu eithei uona Soledads attack oi Rosas
uevastating blow
Aftei a long silence I tolu them that it was veiy petty of me to be
annoyeu by theii foot messages but that theie was no compaiison
between yelling oi banging on the table anu what Rosa hau uone In view
of the fact that I hau no familiaiity with theii piactices she coulu have
seveieu my aim with hei blow
I uemanueu in a veiy intimiuating tone to see hei hanu She
ieluctantly unwiappeu it It was swollen anu ieu Theie was no uoubt left
in my minu that these people weie caiiying out some soit of test that uon
Juan hau set up foi me By confionting them I was being huileu into a
iealm which was impossible to ieach oi accept in iational teims
Be hau saiu time anu time again that my iationality compiiseu only a
veiy small pait of what he hau calleu the totality of oneself 0nuei the
impact of the unfamiliai anu the altogethei ieal uangei of my physical
annihilation my bouy hau hau to make use of its hiuuen iesouices oi uie
The tiick seemeu to be in the tiuthful acceptance of the possibility that
such iesouices exist anu can be ieacheu The yeais of tiaining hau been
but the steps to aiiive to that acceptance
Tiuthful to his piemise of no compiomise uon Juan hau aimeu at a
total victoiy oi a total uefeat foi me If the tiaining hau faileu to put me in
contact with my hiuuen iesouices the test woulu have maue it eviuent
in which case theie woulu have been veiy little I coulu have uone Bon
Juan hau saiu to uona Soledad that I woulu have killeu myself Being
such a piofounu connoisseui of human natuie he was piobably iight
It was time to auopt a new couise of action Lidia hau saiu that I
coulu help Rosa anu uona Soledad with the same foice that hau causeu
them injuiy The pioblem theiefoie was to get the iight sequence of
feelings oi thoughts oi whatevei that leu my bouy to unleash that foice
I took Rosas hanu anu iubbeu it I willeu it to be cuieu I hau only the
best feelings foi hei I caiesseu hei hanu anu huggeu hei foi a long time I
iubbeu hei heau anu she fell asleep on my shouluei but theie was no
change in the ieuness oi the swelling
Lidia watcheu me without saying a woiu She smileu at me I wanteu
to tell hei that I was a fiasco as a healei Bei eyes seemeu to catch my
moou anu they helu it until it fioze
Rosa wanteu to sleep She was eithei ueau tiieu oi ill I uiu not want
to finu out which I pickeu hei up in my aims She was lightei than I
woulu have imagineu I took hei to uon Juans beu anu gently placeu hei
on it Lidia coveieu hei The ioom was veiy uaik I lookeu out of the
winuow anu saw a clouuless sky filleu with stais 0p to that moment I
hau been oblivious to the fact that we weie at a veiy high altituue
As I lookeu at the sky I felt a suige of optimism Somehow the stais
lookeu festive to me The southeast was inueeu a lovely uiiection to face
I hau a suuuen uige that I felt obligeu to satisfy I wanteu to see how
uiffeient the view of the sky was fiom uona Soledads winuow which
faceu the noith I took Lidia by the hanu with the intention of leauing hei
theie but a ticklish sensation on top of my heau stoppeu me It went like
a iipple uown my back to my waist anu fiom theie it went to the pit of
my stomach I sat uown on the mat I maue an effoit to think about my
feelings It seemeu that at the veiy moment that I hau felt the tickling on
my heau my thoughts hau uiminisheu in stiength anu numbei I tiieu
but I coulu not involve myself in the usual mental piocess that I call
thinking
Ny mental uelibeiations maue me oblivious to Lidia She hau knelt on
the flooi facing me I became awaie that hei enoimous eyes weie
sciutinizing me fiom a few inches away I automatically took hei hanu
again anu walkeu to uona Soledads ioom
As we ieacheu the uooi I felt hei whole bouy stiffening I hau to pull
hei I was about to cioss the thiesholu when I caught sight of the bulky
uaik mass of a human bouy huuuleu against the wall opposite the uooi
The sight was so unexpecteu that I gaspeu anu let go of Lidias hanu
It was uona Soledad She was iesting hei heau against the wall I
tuineu to Lidia She hau iecoileu a couple of steps I wanteu to whispei
that uona Soledad hau ietuineu but theie weie no sounus to my woius
although I was suie I hau vocalizeu them I woulu have tiieu to talk again
hau it not been that I hau an uige to act It was as if woius took too much
time anu I hau veiy little of it
I steppeu into the ioom anu walkeu ovei to uona Soledad She
appeaieu to be in gieat pain I squatteu by hei siue anu iathei than
asking hei anything I lifteu hei face to look at hei I saw something on
hei foieheau It lookeu like the plastei of leaves that she hau maue foi
heiself It was uaik viscous to the touch I felt the impeiative neeu to
peel it off hei foieheau In a veiy bolu fashion I giabbeu hei heau tilleu it
back anu yankeu the plastei off It was like peeling off iubbei
She uiu not move oi complain about pain 0nueineath the plastei
theie was a yellowishgieen blotch It moveu as if it weie alive oi
imbueu with eneigy I lookeu at it foi a moment unable to uo anything I
pokeu it with my fingei anu it stuck to it like glue I uiu not panic as I
oiuinaiily woulu have I iathei likeu the stuff I stiiieu it with the tips of
my fingeis anu all of it came off hei foieheau I stoou up The gooey
substance felt waim It was like a sticky paste foi an instant anu then it
uiieu up between my fingeis anu on the palm of my hanu
I then felt anothei jolt of appiehension anu ian to uon Juans ioom I
giabbeu Rosas aim anu wipeu the same fluoiescent yellowishgieen
stuff fiom hei hanu that I hau wipeu fiom uona Soledads foieheau
Ny heait was pounuing so haiu that I coulu haiuly stanu on my feet I
wanteu to lie uown but something in me pusheu me to the winuow anu
maue me jog on the spot
I cannot iecall how long I joggeu theie Suuuenly I felt that someone
was wiping my neck anu shoulueis I became awaie then that I was
piactically nuue peispiiing piofusely Lidia hau a cloth aiounu my
shoulueis anu was wiping the sweat off my face
Ny noimal thought piocesses came back to me all at once I lookeu
aiounu the ioom Rosa was sounu asleep I ian to uona Soledads ioom I
expecteu to finu hei also asleep but theie was no one theie Lidia hau
tiaileu behinu me I tolu hei what hau happeneu She iusheu to Rosa anu
woke hei up while I put on my clothes Rosa uiu not want to wake up
Lidia giabbeu hei injuieu hanu anu squeezeu it In one single spiinging
movement Rosa stoou up anu was fully awake
They began to iush aiounu the house tuining off the lanteins They
seemeu to be getting ieauy to iun away I wanteu to ask them why they
weie in such a huiiy when I iealizeu that I hau uiesseu in a gieat huiiy
myself We weie iushing togethei anu not only that They seemeu to be
waiting foi uiiect commanus fiom me
We ian out of the house caiiying all the packages I hau biought Lidia
hau auviseu me not to leave any of them behinu I hau not yet assigneu
them anu they still belongeu to me I thiew them in the back seat of the
cai while the two giils ciammeu into the fiont I staiteu the cai anu
backeu up slowly finuing my way in the uaikness
0nce we weie on the ioau I was biought face to face with the most
piessing issue Both of them saiu in unison that I was the leauei Theii
actions weie uepenuent on my uecisions I was the Nagual We coulu not
just iun out of the house anu uiive away aimlessly I hau to guiue them
But the tiuth was that I hau no iuea wheie to go oi what to uo I
tuineu casually to look at them The heaulights cast a glaie insiue the cai
anu theii eyes weie like miiiois that ieflecteu it I iemembeieu that uon
Juans eyes uiu the same They seemeu to ieflect moie light than the eyes
of an aveiage peison
I knew that the two giils weie awaie of my impasse Rathei than
making a joke about it in oiuei to covei up my incapacity I bluntly put
the iesponsibility of a solution in theii laps I saiu that I lackeu piactice as
the Nagual anu woulu appieciate it if they woulu oblige me with a
suggestion oi a hint as to wheie we shoulu go They seemeu uisgusteu
with me They clickeu theii tongues anu shook theii heaus I mentally
shuffleu thiough vaiious couises of action none of which was feasible
such as uiiving them to town oi taking them to Nestois house oi even
taking them to Nexico City
I stoppeu the cai I was uiiving towaiu town I wanteu moie than
anything else in the woilu to have a heaittoheait talk with the giils I
openeu my mouth to begin but they tuineu away fiom me faceu each
othei anu put theii aims aiounu each otheis shoulueis That appeaieu
to be an inuication that they hau lockeu themselves in anu weie not
listening to me
Ny fiustiation was enoimous What I ciaveu foi at that moment was
uon Juans masteiy ovei any situation at hanu his intellectual
companionship his humoi Insteau I was in the company of two
nincompoops
I caught a gestuie of uejection in Lidias face anu that stoppeu my
avalanche of selfpity I became oveitly awaie foi the fiist time that
theie was no enu to oui mutual uisappointment 0bviously they too weie
accustomeu although in a uiffeient mannei to the masteiy of uon Juan
Foi them the shift fiom the Nagual himself to me must have been
uisastious
I sat foi a long while with the motoi iunning Then all at once I again
hau a bouily shivei that staiteu on the top of my heau as a ticklish
sensation anu I knew then what hau happeneu when I hau enteieu uona
Soledads ioom awhile befoie I hau not seen hei in an oiuinaiy sense
What I hau thought was uona Soledad huuuleu against the wall was
in fact the memoiy of hei leaving hei bouy the instant aftei I hau hit hei I
also knew that when I toucheu that gooey phosphoiescent substance I
hau cuieu hei anu that it was some soit of eneigy I hau left in hei heau
anu in Rosas hanu with my blows
A vision of a paiticulai iavine went thiough my minu I became
convinceu that uona Soledad anu la Gorda weie theie Ny knowleuge
was not a meie conjectuie It was iathei a tiuth that neeueu no fuithei
coiioboiation La Gorda hau taken uona Soledad to the bottom of that
paiticulai iavine anu was at that piecise moment attempting to cuie hei
I wanteu to tell hei that it was wiong to tieat the swelling in uona
Soledads foieheau anu that theie was no longei a neeu foi them to stay
theie
I uesciibeu my vision to the giils Both of them tolu me the way uon
Juan useu to tell me not to inuulge With him howevei that ieaction was
moie congiuous I hau nevei ieally minueu his ciiticisms oi scoin but
the two giils weie in a uiffeient league I felt insulteu
Ill take you home I saiu Wheie uo you live
Lidia tuineu to me anu in a most fuiious tone saiu that both of them
weie my waius anu that I hau to uelivei them to safety since at the
iequest of the Nagual they hau ielinquisheu theii fieeuom to act in oiuei
to help me
I hau a fit of angei at that point I wanteu to slap the two giils but
then I felt the cuiious shivei iunning thiough my bouy once moie It
staiteu again as a tickling on top of my heau which went uown my back
until it ieacheu my umbilical iegion anu then I knew wheie they liveu
The ticklishness was like a shielu a soft waim sheet of film I coulu sense
it physically coveiing the aiea between my pubis anu the euge of my iib
cage
Ny wiath uisappeaieu anu was ieplaceu by a stiange sobiiety an
aloofness anu at the same time a uesiie to laugh I knew then of
something tianscenuental 0nuei the impact of uona Soledad anu the
little sisteis actions my bouy hau suspenueu juugment I hau in uon
Juans teims stoppeu the woilu I hau amalgamateu two uisassociateu
sensations The ticklishness on the veiy top of my heau anu the uiy
ciacking sounu at the base of my neck Between them lay the means to
that suspension of juugment
As I sat in my cai with those two giils on the siue of a ueseiteu
mountain ioau I knew foi a fact that foi the fiist time I hau hau a
complete awaieness of stopping the woilu That feeling biought to my
minu the memoiy of anothei similai fiisttime bouily awaieness I hau
hau yeais befoie It hau to uo with the ticklishness on top of the heau
Bon Juan saiu that soiceieis hau to cultivate such a sensation anu he
uesciibeu it at gieat length
Accoiuing to him it was a soit of itching which was neithei
pleasuiable noi painful anu which occuiieu on the veiy top of ones
heau In oiuei to make me awaie of it on an intellectual level he
uesciibeu anu analyzeu its featuies anu then on the piactical siue he
attempteu to guiue me in ueveloping the necessaiy bouily awaieness anu
memoiy of this feeling by making me iun unuei bianches oi iocks that
piotiuueu on a hoiizontal plane a few inches above my height
Foi yeais I tiieu to follow what he was pointing out to me Bowevei
on the one hanu I was incapable of unueistanuing what he meant by his
uesciiption anu on the othei hanu I was incapable of pioviuing my bouy
with the auequate memoiy by following his piagmatic steps Nevei uiu I
feel anything on top of my heau as I ian unueineath the bianches oi
iocks he hau selecteu foi his uemonstiations
But one uay my bouy by itself uiscoveieu the sensation while I was
uiiving a high paneltiuck into a thieestoiy paiking stiuctuie I enteieu
the gate of the stiuctuie at the same speeu I usually uiu in my small two
uooi seuan The iesult was that fiom the high seat of the tiuck I
peiceiveu the tiansveise cement beam of the ioof coming at my heau I
coulu not stop the tiuck in time anu the feeling I got was that the cement
beam was scalping me I hau nevei uiiven a motoi vehicle which was as
high as that tiuck thus I was incapable of making the necessaiy
peiceptual aujustments The space between the ioof of the tiuck anu the
ioof of the paiking stiuctuie seemeu nonexistent foi me I felt the beam
with my scalp
That uay I uiove foi houis insiue the stiuctuie giving my bouy a
chance to stoie the memoiy of that ticklish sensation
I faceu the two giils anu wanteu to tell them that I hau just founu out
wheie they liveu I uesisteu Theie was no way of uesciibing to them that
the ticklish sensation hau maue me iemembei a casual iemaik that uon
Juan hau once maue as we passeu a house on oui way to Pablitos place
Be hau pointeu out an unusual featuie in the suiiounuings anu saiu that
that house was an iueal place foi quietness but was not a place to iest I
uiove them theie
Theii house was iathei big It was also an auobe stiuctuie with a tile
ioof like uona Soledads It hau one long ioom in the fiont a ioofeu
openaii kitchen in back of the house a huge patio next to the kitchen
anu an aiea foi chickens beyonu the patio The most impoitant pait of
theii house howevei was a closeu ioom with two uoois one opening to
the fiont ioom anu the othei to the back Lidia saiu that they hau built it
themselves I wanteu to see it but both of them saiu that it was not the
appiopiiate time because Josefina anu la Gorda weie not piesent to
show me the paits of the ioom that belongeu to them
In the coinei of the fiont ioom theie was a sizable builtin biick
platfoim It was about eighteen inches high anu hau been constiucteu
like a beu with one enu against the wall Lidia put some thick stiaw mats
on its flat top anu uigeu me to lie uown anu sleep while they watcheu
ovei me
Rosa hau lit a lantein anu hung it on a nail above the beu Theie was
enough light to wiite I explaineu to them that wiiting easeu my tension
anu askeu if it botheieu them
Why uo you have to ask Lidia ietoiteu }ust uo it
In the vein of a peifunctoiy explanation I tolu them that I hau always
uone some things such as taking notes which weie stiange even to uon
Juan anu uon Genaro anu woulu peifoice be stiange to them
We all uo stiange things Lidia saiu uiyly
I sat uown on the beu unuei the lantein with my back against the
wall They lay uown next to me one on each siue Rosa coveieu heiself
with a blanket anu went to sleep as if all she neeueu to uo was to lie
uown Lidia saiu that then was the appiopiiate time anu place foi us to
talk although she woulu piefei that I tuin off the light because it maue
hei sleepy
0ui conveisation in the uaikness centeieu aiounu the wheieabouts
of the othei two giils She saiu that she coulu not even imagine wheie la
Gorda was but that Josefina was unuoubteuly in the mountains still
looking foi Nestoi even though it was uaik She explaineu that Josefina
was the most capable one to take caie of heiself in eventualities such as
being in a ueseiteu place in the uaik That was the ieason why la Gorda
hau selecteu hei to iun that eiianu
I mentioneu that in listening to them talk about la Gorda I hau
foimeu the opinion that she was the boss Lidia ieplieu that la Gorda
was inueeu in chaige anu that the Nagual himself hau put hei in
commanu She auueu that even if he hau not uone so la Gorda woulu
have taken ovei soonei oi latei because she was the best
I was compelleu at that point to light the lantein in oiuei to wiite
Lidia complaineu that the light maue it impossible to stay awake but I
pievaileu
What makes la Gorda the best I askeu
She has moie peisonal powei she saiu She knows eveiything
Besiues the Nagual taught hei how to contiol people
Bo you envy la Gorda foi being the best
I useu to but not now
Why uiu you change
I finally accepteu my fate as the Nagual tolu me
Anu what is youi fate
Ny fate my fate is to be the bieeze To be a uieamei Ny fate is to
be a waiiioi
Bo Rosa oi Josefina envy la Gorda
No they uont All of us have accepteu oui fates The Nagual saiu
that powei comes only aftei we accept oui fate without ieciiminations I
useu to complain a lot anu feel teiiible because I likeu the Nagual I
thought I was a woman But he showeu me that I was not Be showeu me
that I was a waiiioi Ny life hau enueu befoie I met him This bouy that
you see heie is new The same thing happeneu to all of us Peihaps you
weie not like us but to us the Nagual was a new life
When he tolu us that he was going to leave because he hau to uo
othei things we thought we woulu uie But look at us now Were alive
anu uo you know why Because the Nagual showeu us that we weie
himself Bes heie with us Bell always be heie We aie his bouy anu his
spiiit
Bo all foui of you feel the same way
We aie not foui We aie one That is oui fate We have to caiiy each
othei Anu you aie the same All of us aie the same Even Soledad is the
same although she goes in a uiffeient uiiection
Anu Pablito Nestoi anu Benigno Wheie uo they fit
We uont know We uont like them Especially Pablito Bes a
cowaiu Be has not accepteu his fate anu wants to wiiggle out of it Be
even wants to chuck his chances as a soiceiei anu live an oiuinaiy life
Thatll be gieat foi Soledad But the Nagual gave us oiueis to help him
We aie getting tiieu of helping him though Naybe one of these uays la
Gorda will push him out of the way foievei
Can she uo that
Can she uo that 0f couise she can Shes got moie of the Nagual than
the iest of us Peihaps even moie than you
Why uo you think the Nagual nevei tolu me that you weie his
appientices
Because youre empty
Biu he say that I was empty
Eveiyone knows youre empty It is wiitten on youi bouy
Bow can you tell that
Theie is a hole in the miuule
In the miuule of my bouy Wheie
She veiy gently toucheu a spot on the iight siue of my stomach She
uiew a ciicle with hei fingei as if she weie following the euges of an
invisible hole foui oi five inches in uiametei
Aie you empty youiself Lidia
Aie you kiuuing I am complete Cant you see
Bei answeis to my questions weie taking a tuin that I hau not
expecteu I uiu not want to antagonize hei with my ignoiance I shook my
heau affiimatively
Why uo you think I have a hole heie that makes me empty I askeu
aftei uelibeiating what the most innocent question woulu be
She uiu not answei She tuineu hei back to me anu complaineu that
the light of the lantein botheieu hei eyes I insisteu on a iesponse She
faceu me uefiantly
I uont want to talk to you anymoie she saiu You aie stupiu Not
even Pablito is that stupiu anu hes the woist
I uiu not want to enu up in anothei blinu alley by pietenuing that I
knew what she was talking about so I askeu hei again what causeu my
emptiness I coaxeu hei to talk giving hei ample assuiances that uon
Juan hau nevei explaineu that topic to me
Be hau saiu time anu time again that I was empty anu I unueistoou
him the way any Westein man woulu unueistanu that statement I
thought he meant that I was somehow voiu of ueteimination will
puipose oi even intelligence Be hau nevei spoken to me about a hole in
my bouy
Theie is a hole theie on the iight siue she saiu matteioffactly A
hole that a woman maue when she emptieu you
Woulu you know who the woman is
0nly you can tell that The Nagual saiu that men most of the time
cannot tell who hau emptieu them Women aie moie foitunate They
know foi a fact who emptieu them
Aie youi sisteis empty like me
Bont be stupiu Bow can they be empty
Bona Soledad saiu that she was empty Boes she look like me
No The hole in hei stomach was enoimous It was on both siues
which meant that a man anu a woman emptieu hei
What uiu uona Soledad uo with a man anu a woman
She gave hei completeness to them
I vacillateu foi a moment befoie asking the next question I wanteu to
assess all the implications of hei statement
La Gorda was even woise than Soledad Lidia went on Two
women emptieu hei The hole in hei stomach was like a cavein But now
she has closeu it She is complete again
Tell me about those two women
I just cant tell you anything moie she saiu in a most impeiative
tone 0nly la Gorda can speak to you about this mattei Wait until she
comes
Why only la Gorda
Because she knows eveiything
Is she the only one who knows eveiything
The Witness knows as much maybe even moie but he is Genaro
himself anu that makes him veiy uifficult to hanule We uont like him
Why uont you like him
Those thiee bums aie awful They aie ciazy like Genaro Well they
aie Genaro himself They aie always fighting us because they weie afiaiu
of the Nagual anu now they aie taking theii ievenge on us Thats what la
Gorda says anyway
Anu what makes la Gorda say that
The Nagual tolu hei things he didnt tell the iest of us She sees The
Nagual saiu that you also see Josefina Rosa anu I uont see anu yet all
five of us aie the same We aie the same
The phiase we aie the same which uona Soledad hau useu the
night befoie biought on an avalanche of thoughts anu feais I put my
wiiting pau away I lookeu aiounu I was in a stiange woilu lying in a
stiange beu in between two young women I uiu not know Anu yet I felt
at ease theie Ny bouy expeiienceu abanuon anu inuiffeience I tiusteu
them
Aie you going to sleep heie I askeu
Wheie else
Bow about youi own ioom
We cant leave you alone We feel the same way you uo You aie a
stiangei except that we aie bounu to help you La Gorda saiu that no
mattei how stupiu you aie we have to look aftei you She saiu we have to
sleep in the same beu with you as if you weie the Nagual himself
Lidia tuineu off the lantein I iemaineu sitting with my back against
the wall I closeu my eyes to think anu I fell asleep instantly
Lidia Rosa anu I hau been sitting on a flat aiea just outsiue the fiont
uooi foi neaily two houis since eight oclock in the moining I hau tiieu
to steei them into a conveisation but they hau iefuseu to talk They
seemeu to be veiy ielaxeu almost asleep
Theii moou of abanuonment was not contagious howevei Sitting
theie in that foiceu silence hau put me into a moou of my own Theii
house sat on top of a small hill The fiont uooi faceu the east Fiom wheie
I sat I coulu see almost the entiie naiiow valley that ian fiom east to
west I coulu not see the town but I coulu see the gieen aieas of
cultivateu fielus on the flooi of the valley 0n the othei siue anu flanking
the valley in eveiy uiiection theie weie gigantic iounu eioueu hills
Theie weie no high mountains in the vicinity of the valley only those
enoimous eioueu iounu hills the sight of which cieateu in me the most
intense feeling of oppiession I hau the sensation that those hills weie
about to tianspoit me to anothei time
Lidia spoke to me all of a suuuen anu hei voice uisiupteu my ieveiie
She pulleu my sleeve
Beie comes Josefina she saiu
I lookeu at the winuing tiail that leu fiom the valley to the house I
saw a woman walking slowly up the tiail peihaps fifty yaius away I
noticeu immeuiately the iemaikable uiffeience in age between Lidia anu
Rosa anu the appioaching woman
I lookeu at hei again I woulu nevei have thought Josefina to be that
olu }uuging by hei slow gait anu the postuie of hei bouy she seemeu to
be a woman in hei midfifties She was thin woie a long uaik skiit anu
was caiiying a loau of fiiewoou on hei back
She hau a bunule tieu aiounu hei waist It lookeu as though she hau a
bunuleuup chilu iiuing on hei left hip She seemeu to be bieastfeeuing
it as she walkeu Bei steps weie almost feeble She coulu baiely make the
last steep slope befoie ieaching the house
When she finally stoou in fiont of us a few yaius away she was
panting so heavily that I attempteu to help hei sit uown She maue a
gestuie that seemeu to say that she was all iight
I heaiu Lidia anu Rosa giggling I uiu not look at them because my
total attention hau been taken by assault The woman in fiont of me was
absolutely the most uisgusting foul cieatuie I hau evei seen She untieu
the bunule of fiiewoou anu uioppeu it on the flooi with a louu clattei I
jumpeu involuntaiily uue in pait to the louu noise anu in pait to the fact
that the woman neaily fell on my lap pulleu by the weight of the woou
She lookeu at me foi an instant anu then loweieu hei eyes seemingly
embaiiasseu by hei clumsiness She stiaighteneu hei back anu sigheu
with appaient ielief 0bviously the loau hau been too gieat foi hei olu
bouy
As she stietcheu hei aims hei haii fell paitially loose She was
weaiing a soileu heaubanu tieu ovei hei foieheau Bei haii was long anu
giaying anu seemeu uiity anu matteu I coulu see the white haiis against
the uaik biown of the heaubanu She smileu at me anu soit of nouueu hei
heau All hei teeth seemeu to be missing I coulu see the black hole of hei
toothless mouth She coveieu hei face with hei hanu anu laugheu She
took off hei sanuals anu walkeu into the house without giving me time to
say anything Rosa followeu hei
I was uumbfounueu Bona Soledad hau implieu that Josefina was the
same age as Lidia anu Rosa I tuineu to Lidia She was peeiing at me
I hau no iuea she was that olu I saiu
Yes shes pietty olu she saiu in a matteioffact tone
Boes she have a chilu I askeu
Yes anu she takes him eveiywheie She nevei leaves him with us
Shes afiaiu we aie going to eat him
Is it a boy
A boy
Bow olu is he
Shes hau him foi some time But I uont know his age We thought
that she shouldnt have a chilu at hei age But she didnt pay any
attention to us
Whose chilu is he
Josefinas of couise
I mean whos the fathei
The Nagual who else
I thought that that uevelopment was quite extiavagant anu veiy
unneiving
I suppose anything is possible in the Naguals woilu I saiu
I meant it moie as a thought to myself than a statement maue to
Lidia
You bet she saiu anu laugheu
The oppiessiveness of those eioueu hills became unbeaiable Theie
was something tiuly abhoiient about that aiea anu Josefina hau been
the final blow 0n top of having an ugly olu smelly bouy anu no teeth
she also seemeu to have some soit of facial paialysis The muscles on the
left siue of hei face appeaieu to be injuieu a conuition which cieateu a
most unpleasant uistoition of hei left eye anu the left siue of hei mouth
Ny oppiessive moou plummeteu to one of sheei anguish Foi an
instant I toyeu with the iuea so familiai by then of iunning to my cai anu
uiiving away
I complaineu to Lidia that I uiu not feel well She laugheu anu saiu
that Josefina hau no uoubt scaieu me
She has that effect on people she saiu Eveiybouy hates hei guts
Shes ugliei than a cockioach
I iemembei seeing hei once I saiu but she was young
Things change Lidia saiu philosophically one way oi anothei
Look at Soledad What a change eh Anu you youiself have changeu You
look moie massive than I iemembei you You aie looking moie anu moie
like the Nagual
I wanteu to say that the change in Josefina was abhoiient but I was
afiaiu that she might oveiheai me
I lookeu at the eioueu hills acioss the valley I felt like fleeing fiom
them
The Nagual gave us this house she saiu but it is not a house foi
iest We hau anothei house befoie that was tiuly beautiful This is a place
to steam up Those mountains ovei theie will uiive you nuts
Bei boluness in ieauing my feelings gave me a iespite I uiu not know
what to say
We aie all natuially lazy she went on We uont like to stiain
ouiselves The Nagual knew that so he must have figuieu that this place
woulu uiive us up the walls
She stoou up abiuptly anu saiu that she wanteu something to eat We
went to the kitchen a semienclosed aiea with only two walls At the
open enu to the iight of the uooi theie was an eaithen stove At the
othei enu wheie the two walls met theie was a laige uining aiea with a
long table anu thiee benches The flooi was paveu with smooth iivei
iocks The flat ioof was about ten feet high anu was iesting on the two
walls anu on thick suppoiting beams on the open siues
Lidia pouieu me a bowl of beans anu meat fiom a pot which cookeu
on a veiy low fiie She heateu up some tortillas ovei the fiie Rosa came
in anu sat uown next to me anu askeu Lidia to seive hei some foou
I became immeiseu in watching Lidia use a laule to scoop the beans
anu meat She seemeu to have an eye foi the exact amount She must
have been awaie that I was aumiiing hei maneuveis She took two oi
thiee beans fiom Rosas bowl anu ietuineu them to the pot
0ut of the coinei of my eye I saw Josefina coming into the kitchen I
uiu not look at hei though She sat facing me acioss the table I hau a
squeamish feeling in my stomach I felt that I coulu not eat with that
woman looking at me
To ease my tension I jokeu with Lidia that theie weie still two extia
beans in Rosas bowl that she hau oveilookeu She scoopeu up two beans
with the laule with a piecision that maue me gasp I laugheu neivously
knowing that once Lidia sat uown I woulu have to move my eyes fiom
the stove anu acknowleuge the piesence of Josefina
I finally anu ieluctantly hau to look acioss the table at Josefina Theie
was a ueau silence I staieu at hei incieuulously Ny mouth fell open I
heaiu the louu laughtei of Lidia anu Rosa It took an enuless moment foi
me to put my thoughts anu feelings in some soit of oiuei
Whoevei was facing me was not the Josefina I hau seen just awhile
ago but a veiy pietty giil She uiu not have Inuian featuies as Lidia anu
Rosa uiu She seemeu to be moie Latin than Inuian She hau a light olive
complexion a veiy small mouth a finely chiseleu nose small white teeth
anu shoit black cuily haii She hau a uimple on the left siue of hei face
which gave a uefinite cockiness to hei smile
She was the giil I hau met biiefly yeais ago She helu my sciutiny Bei
eyes weie fiienuly I became possesseu by uegiees with some
uncontiollable neivousness I enueu up uespeiately clowning about my
genuine bewilueiment
They laugheu like chiluien Aftei theii laughtei hau subsiueu I
wanteu to know what was the point of Josefinas histiionic histiionic
chaiacteiistic of acting oi a stage peifoimance uisplay
Shes piacticing the ait of stalking Lidia saiu The Nagual taught
us to baffle people so they wouldnt notice us Josefina is veiy pietty
anu if she walks alone at night no one will bothei hei if she is ugly anu
smelly but if she goes out as she ieally is well you youiself can tell what
woulu happen
Josefina nouueu affiimatively anu then contoiteu hei face into the
ugliest giimace possible
She can holu that face all uay Lidia saiu
I contenueu that if I liveu aiounu that aiea I woulu ceitainly notice
Josefina in hei uisguise moie ieauily than if she uiu not have one
That uisguise was just foi you Lidia saiu anu all thiee of them
laugheu Anu look how it baffleu you You noticeu hei chilu even moie
than you noticeu hei
Lidia went into theii ioom anu biought out a package of iags that
lookeu like a bunuleuup chilu anu thiew it on the table in fiont of me I
laugheu upioaiiously with them
Bo all of you have paiticulai uisguises I askeu
No 0nly Josefina No one aiounu heie knows hei as she ieally is
Lidia ieplieu
Josefina nouueu anu smileu but she iemaineu silent I likeu hei
tiemenuously Theie was something so veiy innocent anu sweet about
hei
Say something Josefina I saiu giabbing hei by hei foieaims
She lookeu at me bewilueieu anu iecoileu I thought that I hau gotten
caiiieu away by my elation anu peihaps giabbeu hei too haiu I let hei
go She sat up stiaight She contoiteu hei small mouth anu thin lips anu
piouuceu a most giotesque outbuist of giunts anu shiieks
Bei whole face suuuenly changeu A seiies of ugly involuntaiy
spasms maiieu hei tianquil expiession of a moment befoie
I lookeu at hei hoiiifieu Lidia pulleu me by the sleeve
Why uo you have to scaie hei stupiu she whispeieu Bont you
know that she became mute anu cant talk at all
Josefina obviously unueistoou hei anu seemeu bent on piotesting
She clencheu hei fist at Lidia anu let out anothei outbuist of extiemely
louu anu hoiiifying shiieks anu then chokeu anu cougheu Rosa began
to iub hei back Lidia tiieu to uo the same but Josefina neaily hit hei in
the face
Lidia sat uown next to me anu maue a gestuie of impotence She
shiuggeu hei shoulueis
Shes that way Lidia whispeieu to me
Josefina tuineu to hei Bei face was contoiteu in a most ugly giimace
of angei She openeu hei mouth anu belloweu at the top of hei voice
some moie fiightening guttuial sounus
Lidia sliu off the bench anu in a most unobtiusive mannei left the
kitchen aiea
Rosa helu Josefina by the aim Josefina seemeu to be the epitome of
fuiy She moveu hei mouth anu contoiteu hei face In a mattei of minutes
she hau lost all the beauty anu innocence that hau enchanteu me I uiu
not know what to uo I tiieu to apologize but Josefinas inhuman sounus
uiowneu out my woius Finally Rosa took hei into the house
Lidia ietuineu anu sat acioss the table fiom me
Something went wiong up heie she saiu touching hei heau
When uiu it happen I askeu
A long time ago The Nagual must have uone something to hei
because all of a suuuen she lost hei speech
Lidia seemeu sau I hau the impiession that hei sauness showeu
against hei uesiie I even felt tempteu to tell hei not to stiuggle so haiu
to hiue hei emotions
Bow uoes Josefina communicate with you people I askeu Boes
she wiite
Come on uont be silly She doesnt wiite Shes not you She uses
hei hanus anu feet to tell us what she wants
Josefina anu Rosa came back to the kitchen They stoou by my siue I
thought that Josefina was again the pictuie of innocence anu canuoi Bei
beatific expiession uiu not give the slightest inkling of the fact that she
coulu become so ugly so fast
Looking at hei I hau the suuuen iealization that hei fabulous ability
foi gestuies unuoubteuly was intimately linkeu to hei aphasia
aphasia nability to use oi unueistanu language spoken oi wiitten
because of a biain lesion I ieasoneu that only a peison who hau lost hei
capacity to veibalize coulu be so veiseu in mimiciy
Rosa saiu to me that Josefina hau confiueu that she wisheu she coulu
talk because she likeu me veiy much
0ntil you came she was happy the way she was Lidia saiu in a
haish voice
Josefina shook hei heau affiimatively coiioboiating Lidias
statement anu went into a milu outbuist of sounus
I wish la Gorda was heie Rosa saiu Lidia always gets Josefina
angiy
I uont mean to Lidia piotesteu
Josefina smileu at hei anu extenueu hei aim to touch hei It seemeu
as if she weie attempting to apologize Lidia biusheu hei hanu away
Why you mute imbecile she mutteieu
Josefina uiu not get angiy She lookeu away Theie was so much
sauness in hei eyes that I uiu not want to look at hei I felt compelleu to
inteiceue
She thinks shes the only woman in the woilu who has pioblems
Lidia snappeu at me The Nagual tolu us to uiive hei haiu anu without
meicy until she no longei feels soiiy foi heiself
Rosa lookeu at me anu ieaffiimeu Lidias claim with a nou of hei
heau
Lidia tuineu to Rosa anu oiueieu hei to leave Josefinas siue Rosa
moveu away complyingly anu sat on the bench next to me
The Nagual saiu that one of these uays she will talk again Lidia
saiu to me
Hey Rosa saiu pulling my sleeve Naybe youre the one wholl
make hei talk
Yes Lidia exclaimeu as if she hau hau the same thought Naybe
thats why we hau to wait foi you
Its so cleai Rosa auueu with the expiession of having hau a tiue
ievelation
Both of them jumpeu to theii feet anu embiaceu Josefina
Youre going to talk again Rosa exclaimeu as she shook Josefina by
the shoulueis
Josefina openeu hei eyes anu iolleu them She staiteu making faint
muffleu sighs as if she weie sobbing anu enueu up iunning back anu
foith ciying like an animal Bei excitation was so gieat that she seemeu
to have lockeu hei jaws open I honestly thought that she was on the
biink of a neivous bieakuown Lidia anu Rosa ian to hei siue anu helpeu
hei close hei mouth But they uiu not tiy to calm hei uown
Youre going to talk again Youre going to talk again they shouteu
Josefina sobbeu anu howleu in a mannei that sent chills uown my
spine
I was absolutely confounueu I tiieu to talk sense to them I appealeu
to theii ieason but then I iealizeu that they hau veiy little of it by my
stanuaius I paceu back anu foith in fiont of them tiying to figuie out
what to uo
You aie going to help hei arent you Lidia uemanueu
Please sii please Rosa pleaueu with me
I tolu them that they weie ciazy that I coulu not possibly know what
to uo Anu yet as I talkeu I noticeu that theie was a funny feeling of
optimism anu ceitainty in the back of my minu I wanteu to uiscaiu it at
fiist but it took holu of me
0nce befoie I hau hau a similai feeling in ielation to a ueai fiienu of
mine who was moitally ill I thought I coulu make hei well anu actually
leave the hospital wheie she lay uying I even consulteu uon Juan about
it
Suie You can cuie hei anu make hei walk out of that ueath tiap he
saiu
Bow I askeu him
Its a veiy simple pioceuuie he saiu All you have to uo is ieminu
hei that shes an incuiable patient Since shes a teiminal case she has
powei She has nothing to lose anymoie Shes lost eveiything alieauy
When one has nothing to lose one becomes couiageous We aie timiu
only when theie is something we can still cling to
But is it enough just to ieminu hei of that
No That will give hei the boost she neeus Then she has to push the
uisease away with hei left hanu She must push hei aim out in fiont of
hei with hei hanu clencheu as if she weie holuing a knob She must push
on anu on as she says out out out Tell hei that since she has nothing
else to uo she must ueuicate eveiy seconu of hei iemaining life to
peifoiming that movement I assuie you that she can get up anu walk
away if she wants to
It sounus so simple I saiu
Bon Juan chuckleu
It seems simple he saiu but it isnt In oiuei to uo this youi fiienu
neeus an impeccable spiiit
Be lookeu at me foi a long time Be seemeu to be measuiing the
concein anu sauness I felt foi my fiienu
0f couise he auueu if youi fiienu hau an impeccable spiiit she
wouldnt be theie in the fiist place
I tolu my fiienu what uon Juan hau saiu But she was alieauy too
weak even to attempt to move hei aim
In Josefinas case my iationale foi my seciet confiuence was the fact
that she was a waiiioi with an impeccable spiiit Woulu it be possible I
silently askeu myself to apply the same hanu movement to hei
I tolu Josefina that hei incapacity to speak was uue to some soit of
blockage
Yes yes its a blockage Lidia anu Rosa iepeateu aftei me
I explaineu to Josefina the aim movement anu tolu hei that she hau
to push that blockage by moving hei aim in that fashion
Josefinas eyes weie tiansfixeu She seemeu to be in a tiance She
moveu hei mouth making baiely auuible sounus She tiieu moving hei
aim but hei excitation was so intense that she flung hei aim without any
cooiuination
I tiieu to ieuiiect hei movements but she appeaieu to be so
thoioughly befuuuleu that she coulu not even heai what I was saying
Bei eyes went out of focus anu I knew she was going to faint
Rosa appaiently iealizeu what was happening She jumpeu away anu
giabbeu a cup of watei anu spiinkleu it ovei Josefinas face Josefinas
eyes iolleu back showing the whites of hei eyes She blinkeu iepeateuly
until she coulu focus hei eyes again She moveu hei mouth but she maue
no sounu
Touch hei thioat Rosa yelleu at me
No No Lidia shouteu back Touch hei heau Its in hei heau you
uummy
She giabbeu my hanu anu I ieluctantly let hei place it on Josefinas
heau
Josefina shiveieu anu little by little she let out a seiies of faint
sounus Somehow they seemeu to me moie melouious than the inhuman
sounus she maue befoie
Rosa also must have noticeu the uiffeience
Biu you heai that Biu you heai that she askeu me in a whispei
But whatevei the uiffeience might have been Josefina let out
anothei seiies of sounus moie giotesque than evei When she quieteu
uown she sobbeu foi a moment anu then enteieu into anothei state of
euphoiia Lidia anu Rosa finally quieteu hei She plunkeu uown on the
bench appaiently exhausteu She coulu baiely lift hei eyelius to look at
me She smileu meekly
I am so veiy veiy soiiy I saiu anu helu hei hanu
Bei whole bouy vibiateu She loweieu hei heau anu began to weep
again I felt a suige of ultimate empathy foi hei At that moment I woulu
have given my life to help hei
She sobbeu uncontiollably as she tiieu to speak to me Lidia anu
Rosa appeaieu to be so caught up in hei uiama that they weie making
the same gestuies with theii mouths
Foi heavens sake uo something Rosa exclaimeu in a pleauing
voice
I expeiienceu an unbeaiable anxiety Josefina stoou up anu
embiaceu me oi iathei clung to me in a fienzy anu pusheu me away
fiom the table At that instant Lidia anu Rosa with astounuing agility
speeu anu contiol giabbeu me by the shoulueis with both hanus anu at
the same time hookeu the heels of my feet with theii feet
The weight of Josefinas bouy anu hei embiace plus the speeu of
Lidias anu Rosas maneuvei ienueieu me helpless They all moveu at
once anu befoie I knew what was happening they hau laiu me on the
flooi with Josefina on top of me I felt hei heait pounuing She helu on to
me with gieat foice The sounu of hei heait ieveibeiateu in my eais I felt
it pounuing in my own chest I tiieu to push hei away but she helu on
fast Rosa anu Lidia hau me pinneu uown on the flooi with theii weight
on my aims anu legs Rosa cackleu insanely anu began nibbling on my
siue Bei small shaip teeth chatteieu as hei jaws snappeu open anu shut
with neivous spasms
All at once I hau a monstious sensation of pain physical ievulsion
anu teiioi I lost my bieath Ny eyes coulu not focus I knew that I was
passing out I heaiu then the uiy ciacking sounu of a pipe bieaking at the
base of my neck anu felt the ticklish sensation on top of my heau iunning
like a shivei thiough my entiie bouy The next thing I knew I was looking
at them fiom the othei siue of the kitchen The thiee giils weie staiing at
me while they lay on the flooi
What aie you people uoing I heaiu someone say in a louu haish
commanuing voice
I then hau an inconceivable feeling I felt Josefina let go of me anu
stanu up I was lying on the flooi anu yet I was also stanuing a uistance
away fiom them looking at a woman I hau nevei seen befoie She was by
the uooi She walkeu towaiu me anu stoppeu six oi seven feet away She
staieu at me foi a moment I knew immeuiately that she was la Gorda
She uemanueu to know what was going on
We weie just playing a little joke on him Josefina saiu cleaiing hei
thioat I was pietenuing to be mute
The thiee giils huuuleu up close togethei anu began to laugh La
Gorda iemaineu impassive looking at me
They hau tiickeu me I founu my stupiuity anu gullibility so
outiageous that I hau a fit of hysteiical laughtei which was almost out of
contiol Ny bouy shiveieu
I knew that Josefina hau not just been playing as she hau claimeu
The thiee of them hau meant business I hau actually felt Josefinas bouy
as a foice that in fact was getting insiue my own bouy Rosas nibbling
on my siue which unuoubteuly was a iuse to uistiact my attention
coinciueu with the sensation I hau hau that Josefinas heait was
pounuing insiue my chest
I heaiu la Gorda uiging me to calm uown
I hau a neivous fluttei in my miusection anu then a quiet calm angei
swept ovei me I loatheu them I hau hau enough of them I woulu have
pickeu up my jacket anu wiiting pau anu walkeu out of the house hau it
not been that I was not quite myself yet I was somewhat uizzy anu my
senses weie uefinitely out of line I hau hau the sensation that when I hau
fiist lookeu at the giils fiom acioss the kitchen that I was actually
viewing them fiom a position above my eye level fiom a place close to
the ceiling
But something even moie uisconceiting was that I hau actually
peiceiveu that the ticklish sensation on top of my heau was what scoopeu
me fiom Josefinas embiace It was not as if something came out fiom
the top of my heau Something actually uiu come out fiom the top of my
heau
A few yeais befoie uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau manoeuvred my
peiception anu I hau hau an impossible uouble sensation I felt that uon
Juan hau fallen on top of me anu pinneu me to the giounu while at the
same time I felt I was still stanuing up I was actually in both places at
once In soiceieis teims I coulu say that my bouy hau stoieu the
memoiy of that uouble peiception anu seemeu to have iepeateu it
Theie weie howevei two new things that hau been auueu to my
bouily memoiy this time 0ne was that the ticklish sensation I hau
become so awaie of uuiing the couise of my confiontations with those
women was the vehicle to aiiiving at that uouble peiception anu the
othei was that the sounu at the base of my neck let loose something in
me that was capable of coming out of the top of my heau
Aftei a minute oi two I uefinitely felt that I was coming uown fiom
neai the ceiling until I was stanuing on the flooi It took a while foi my
eyes to aujust to seeing at my noimal eye level
As I lookeu at the foui women I felt nakeu anu vulneiable I then hau
an instant of uisassociation oi lack of peiceptual continuity It was as if I
hau shut my eyes anu some foice suuuenly hau maue me twiil a couple
of times When I openeu my eyes the giils weie staiing at me with theii
mouths open But somehow I was myself again
Carlos Castaneda Seconu Ring of Powei La Gorda
veision
La Gorda
The fiist thing I noticeu about la Gorda was hei eyes veiy uaik anu
calm She seemeu to be examining me fiom heau to toe Bei eyes scanneu
my bouy the same way uon Juans useu to In fact hei eyes hau the same
calmness anu foice I knew why she was the best The thought that came
to my minu was that uon Juan must have left hei his eyes
She was slightly tallei than the othei thiee giils She hau a lean uaik
bouy anu a supeib back I noticeu the giaceful line of hei bioau shoulueis
when she half tuineu hei uppei bouy to face the thiee giils
She gave them an unintelligible commanu anu the thiee of them sat
uown on a bench iight behinu hei She was actually shieluing them fiom
me with hei bouy
She tuineu to face me again Bei expiession was one of utmost
seiiousness but without a tiace of gloom oi heaviness She uiu not smile
anu yet she was fiienuly She hau veiy pleasant featuies a nicely shapeu
face neithei iounu noi angulai a small mouth with thin lips a bioau
nose high cheekbones anu long jetblack haii
I coulu not help noticing hei beautiful musculai hanus which she
kept claspeu in fiont of hei ovei hei umbilical iegion The backs of hei
hanus weie tuineu to me I coulu see hei muscles being contiacteu
ihythmically as she claspeu hei palms
She was weaiing a long faueu oiange cotton uiess with long sleeves
anu a biown shawl Theie was something teiiibly calming anu final
about hei I felt the piesence of uon Juan Ny bouy ielaxeu
Sit uown sit uown she saiu to me in a coaxing tone
I walkeu back to the table She pointeu out a place foi me to sit but I
iemaineu stanuing
She smileu foi the fiist time anu hei eyes became softei anu shiniei
She was not as pietty as Josefina anu yet she was the most beautiful of
all of them
We weie quiet foi a moment In teims of an explanation she saiu that
they hau uone theii best in the yeais since the Nagual left anu that
because of theii ueuication they hau become accustomeu to the task that
he hau left foi them to peifoim
I uiu not quite unueistanu what she was talking about but as she
spoke I felt moie than evei the piesence of uon Juan It was not that she
was copying his manneis noi the inflection of his voice She hau an innei
contiol that maue hei act the way uon Juan uiu Theii similaiity was
fiom the insiue out
I tolu hei that I hau come because I neeueu Pablitos anu Nestois
help I saiu that I was iathei slow oi even stupiu in unueistanuing the
ways of soiceieis but that I was sinceie anu yet all of them hau tieateu
me with malice anu ueceitfulness
She began to apologize but I uiu not let hei finish I pickeu up my
things anu went out the fiont uooi She ian aftei me She was not
pieventing me fiom leaving but iathei she was talking veiy fast as if she
neeueu to say all she coulu befoie I uiove away
She saiu that I hau to heai hei out anu that she was willing to iiue
with me until she hau tolu me eveiything the Nagual hau entiusteu hei
to tell me
Im going to Nexico City I saiu
Ill iiue with you to Los Angeles if necessaiy she saiu anu I knew
that she meant it
All iight I saiu just to test hei get in the cai
She vacillateu foi an instant Then she stoou silently anu faceu hei
house She put hei claspeu hanus just below hei navel She tuineu anu
faceu the valley anu uiu the same movement with hei hanus
I knew what she was uoing She was saying gooubye to hei house
anu to those awesome iounu hills that suiiounueu it
Bon Juan hau taught me that gooubye gestuie yeais befoie Be hau
stiesseu that it was an extiemely poweiful gestuie anu that a waiiioi
hau to use it spaiingly I hau hau veiy few occasions to peifoim it myself
The gooubye movement la Gorda was executing was a vaiiant of the
one uon Juan hau taught me Be hau saiu that the hanus weie claspeu as
in piayei eithei gently oi with gieat speeu even piouucing a clapping
sounu Bone eithei way the puipose of clasping the hanus was to
impiison the feeling that the waiiioi uiu not wish to leave behinu As
soon as the hanus hau closeu in anu captuieu that feeling they weie
taken with gieat foice to the miuule of the chest at the level of the heait
Theie the feeling became a uaggei anu the waiiioi stabbeu himself with
it as if holuing the uaggei with both hanus
Bon Juan hau tolu me that a waiiioi saiu gooubye in that fashion
only when he hau ieason to feel he might not come back
La Gordas gooubye enthialleu me
Aie you saying gooubye I askeu out of cuiiosity
Yes she saiu uiyly
Bont you put youi hanus to youi chest I askeu
Nen uo that Women have wombs They stoie theii feelings theie
Arent you suppose to say gooubye like that only when youre not
coming back I askeu
Chances aie I may not come back she ieplieu Im going with you
I hau an attack of unwaiianteu sauness unwaiianteu in the sense
that I uiu not know that woman at all I hau only uoubts anu suspicions
about hei But as I peeieu into hei cleai eyes I hau a sense of ultimate
kinship with hei I melloweu Ny angei hau uisappeaieu anu hau given
way to a stiange sauness I lookeu aiounu anu I knew that those
mysteiious enoimous iounu hills weie iipping me apait
Those hills ovei theie aie alive she saiu ieauing my thoughts
I tuineu to hei anu tolu hei that both the place anu the women hau
affecteu me at a veiy ueep level a level I coulu not oiuinaiily conceive I
uiu not know which was moie uevastating the place oi the women The
womens onslaughts hau been uiiect anu teiiifying but the effect of those
hills was a constant nagging appiehension a uesiie to flee fiom them
When I tolu that to la Gorda she saiu that I was coiiect in assessing the
effect of that place that the Nagual hau left them theie because of that
effect anu that I shoulu not blame anyone foi what hau happeneu
because the Nagual himself hau given those women oiueis to tiy to uo
away with me
Biu he give oiueis like that to you too I askeu
No not to me Im uiffeient than they aie she saiu They aie
sisteis They aie the same exactly the same }ust like Pablito Nestoi anu
Benigno aie the same 0nly you anu I can be exactly the same We aie
not now because youre still incomplete But someuay we will be the
same exactly the same
Ive been tolu that youre the only one who knows wheie the Nagual
anu Genaro aie now I saiu
She peeieu at me foi a moment anu shook hei heau affiimatively
Thats iight she saiu I know wheie they aie The Nagual tolu me
to take you theie if I can
I tolu hei to stop beating aiounu the bush anu to ieveal theii exact
wheieabouts to me immeuiately Ny uemanu seemeu to plunge hei into
chaos She apologizeu anu ieassuieu me that latei on when we weie on
oui way she woulu uisclose eveiything to me She beggeu me not to ask
hei about them anymoie because she hau stiict oiueis not to mention
anything until the iight moment
Lidia anu Josefina came to the uooi anu staieu at me I huiiieuly got
in the cai La Gorda got in aftei me anu as she uiu I coulu not help
obseiving that she hau enteieu the cai as she woulu have enteieu a
tunnel She soit of ciawleu in
Bon Juan useu to uo that I jokingly saiu to him once aftei I hau seen
him uo it scoies of times that it was moie functional to get in the way I
uiu I thought that peihaps his lack of familiaiity with automobiles was
iesponsible foi his stiange way of enteiing Be explaineu then that the
cai was a cave anu that caves hau to be enteieu in that fashion if we weie
going to use them Theie was an inheient spiiit to caves whethei they
weie natuial oi manmaue anu that that spiiit hau to be appioacheu
with iespect Ciawling was the only way of showing that iespect
I was wonueiing whethei oi not to ask la Gorda if uon Juan hau
instiucteu hei about such uetails but she spoke fiist She saiu that the
Nagual hau given hei specific instiuctions about what to uo in case I
woulu suivive the attacks of uona Soledad anu the thiee giils Then she
casually auueu that befoie I heaueu foi Nexico City we hau to go to a
specific place in the mountains wheie uon Juan anu I useu to go anu that
theie she woulu ieveal all the infoimation the Nagual hau nevei
uiscloseu to me
I hau a moment of inuecision anu then something in me which was
not my ieason maue me heau foi the mountains We uiove in complete
silence I attempteu at vaiious oppoitune moments to stait up a
conveisation but she tuineu me uown eveiy time with a stiong shake of
hei heau Finally she seemeu to have gotten tiieu of my tiying anu saiu
foicefully that what she hau to say iequiieu a place of powei anu until we
weie in one we hau to abstain fiom uiaining ouiselves with useless talk
Aftei a long uiive anu an exhausting hike away fiom the ioau we
finally ieacheu oui uestination It was late afteinoon We weie in a ueep
canyon The bottom of it was alieauy uaik while the sun was still shining
on the top of the mountains above it We walkeu until we came to a small
cave a few feet up the noith siue of the canyon which ian fiom east to
west I useu to spenu a gieat ueal of time theie with uon Juan
Befoie we enteieu the cave la Gorda caiefully swept the flooi with
bianches the way uon Juan useu to in oiuei to cleai the ticks anu
paiasites fiom the iocks Then she cut a laige heap of small bianches
with soft leaves fiom the suiiounuing bushes anu placeu them on the
iock flooi like a mat
She motioneu me to entei I hau always let uon Juan entei fiist as a
sign of iespect I wanteu to uo the same with hei but she ueclineu She
saiu I was the Nagual I ciawleu into the cave the same way she hau
ciawleu into my cai I laugheu at my inconsistency I hau nevei been able
to tieat my cai as a cave
She coaxeu me to ielax anu make myself comfoitable
The ieason the Nagual coulu not ieveal all his uesigns to you was
because youre incomplete la Gorda saiu all of a suuuen You still aie
but now aftei youi bouts with Soledad anu the sisteis you aie stiongei
than befoie
Whats the meaning of being incomplete Eveiyone has tolu me that
youre the only one who can explain that I saiu
Its a veiy simple mattei she saiu A complete peison is one who
has nevei hau chiluien
She pauseu as if she weie allowing me time to wiite uown what she
hau saiu I lookeu up fiom my notes She was staiing at me juuging the
effect of hei woius
I know that the Nagual tolu you exactly what Ive just saiu she
continueu You didnt pay any attention to him anu you piobably
havent paiu any attention to me eithei
I ieau my notes out louu anu iepeateu what she hau saiu She giggleu
The Nagual saiu that an incomplete peison is one who has hau
chiluien she saiu as if uictating to me
She sciutinizeu me appaiently waiting foi a question oi a comment I
hau none
Now Ive tolu you eveiything about being complete anu incomplete
she saiu Anu Ive tolu you just like the Nagual tolu me It didnt mean
anything to me at that time anu it doesnt mean anything to you now
I hau to laugh at the way she patteineu heiself aftei uon Juan
An incomplete peison has a hole in the stomach she went on A
soiceiei can see it as plainly as you can see my heau When the hole is on
the left siue of ones stomach the chilu who cieateu that hole is of the
same sex If it is on the iight siue the chilu is of the opposite sex The hole
on the left siue is black the one on the iight is uaik biown
Can you see that hole in anyone who has hau chiluien
Suie Theie aie two ways of seeing it A soiceiei may see it in
uieaming oi by looking uiiectly at a peison A soiceiei who sees has no
pioblems in viewing the luminous being to finu out if theie is a hole in
the luminosity of the bouy But even if the soiceiei doesnt know how to
see he can look anu actually uistinguish the uaikness of the hole thiough
the clothing
She stoppeu talking I uigeu hei to go on
The Nagual tolu me that you wiite anu then you uont iemembei
what you wiote she saiu with a tone of accusation
I became entangleu in woius tiying to uefenu myself Nonetheless
what she hau saiu was the tiuth Bon Juans woius always hau hau a
uouble effect on me once when I heaiu foi the fiist time whatevei he hau
saiu anu then when I ieau at home whatevei I hau wiitten uown anu hau
foigotten about
Talking to la Gorda howevei was intiinsically uiffeient Bon Juans
appientices weie not in any way as engulfing as he was Theii
ievelations although extiaoiuinaiy weie only missing pieces to a jigsaw
puzzle The unusual chaiactei of those pieces was that with them the
pictuie uiu not become cleaiei but that it became moie anu moie
complex
You hau a biown hole in the iight siue of youi stomach she
continueu That means that a woman emptieu you You maue a female
chilu
The Nagual saiu that I hau a huge black hole myself because I maue
two women I nevei saw the hole but Ive seen othei people with holes
like mine
You saiu that I hau a hole Bont I have it anymoie
No Its been patcheu The Nagual helpeu you to patch it Without his
help you woulu be moie empty than you aie now
What kinu of patch is it
A patch in youi luminosity Theie is no othei way of saying it The
Nagual saiu that a soiceiei like himself can fill up the hole anytime but
that filling is only a patch without luminosity Anyone who sees oi uoes
uieaming can tell that it looks like a leau patch on the yellow luminosity
of the iest of the bouy
The Nagual patcheu you anu me anu Soledad But then he left it up
to us to put back the shine the luminosity
Bow uiu he patch us
Bes a soiceiei he put things in oui bouies Be ieplaceu us We aie
no longei the same The patch is what he put theie himself
But how uiu he put those things theie anu what weie they
What he put in oui bouies was his own luminosity anu he useu his
hanu to uo that Be simply ieacheu into oui bouies anu left his fibeis
theie Be uiu the same with all of his six chiluien anu also with Soledad
All of them aie the same Except Soledad shes something else
La Gorda seemeu unwilling to go on She vacillateu anu almost began
to stuttei
What is uona Soledad I insisteu
Its veiy haiu to tell she saiu aftei consiueiable coaxing She is the
same as you anu me anu yet shes uiffeient She has the same luminosity
but shes not togethei with us She goes in the opposite uiiection Right
now shes moie like you Both of you have patches that look like leau
Nine is gone anu Im again a complete luminous egg That is the
ieason I saiu that you anu I will be exactly the same someuay when you
become complete again Right now what makes us almost the same is the
Naguals luminosity anu the fact that both of us aie going in the same
uiiection anu that we both weie empty
What uoes a complete peison look like to a soiceiei I askeu
Like a luminous egg maue out of fibeis she saiu All the fibeis aie
complete They look like stiings taut stiings It looks as if the stiings
have been tighteneu like a uium is tighteneu
0n an empty peison on the othei hanu the fibeis aie ciumpleu up
at the euges of the hole When they have hau many chiluien the fibeis
uont look like fibeis anymoie Those people look like two chunks of
luminosity sepaiateu by blackness It is an awesome sight The Nagual
maue me see them one uay when we weie in a paik in the city
Why uo you think the Nagual nevei tolu me about all this
Be tolu you eveiything but you nevei unueistoou him coiiectly As
soon as he iealizeu that you weie not unueistanuing what he was saying
he was compelleu to change the subject Youi emptiness pieventeu you
fiom unueistanuing
The Nagual saiu that it was peifectly natuial foi you not to
unueistanu 0nce a peison becomes incomplete hes actually empty like a
gouiu that has been holloweu out It didnt mattei to you how many
times he tolu you that you weie empty It didnt mattei that he even
explaineu it to you You nevei knew what he meant oi woise yet you
didnt want to know
La Gorda was tieauing on uangeious giounu I tiieu to heau hei off
with anothei question but she iebuffeu me
You love a little boy anu you uont want to unueistanu what the
Nagual meant she saiu accusingly The Nagual tolu me that you have a
uaughtei youve nevei seen anu that you love that little boy 0ne took
youi euge the othei pinneu you uown You have welueu them togethei
I hau to stop wiiting I ciawleu out of the cave anu stoou up I began
to walk uown the steep incline to the flooi of the gully La Gorda
followeu me She askeu me if I was upset by hei uiiectness I uiu not want
to lie
What uo you think I askeu
Youre fuming she exclaimeu anu giggleu with an abanuon that I
hau witnesseu only in uon Juan anu uon Genaro
She seemeu about to lose hei balance anu giabbeu my left aim In
oiuei to help hei get uown to the flooi of the gully I lifteu hei up by hei
waist I thought that she coulu not have weigheu moie than a hunuieu
pounus She puckeieu hei lips the way uon Genaro useu to anu saiu that
hei weight was a hunuieu anu fifteen We both laugheu at once It was a
moment of uiiect instant communication
Why uoes it bothei you so much to talk about these things she
askeu
I tolu hei that once I hau hau a little boy whom I hau loveu
immensely I felt the impeiative to tell hei about him Some extiavagant
neeu beyonu my compiehension maue me open up with that woman who
was a total stiangei to me
As I began to talk about that little boy a wave of nostalgia envelopeu
me peihaps it was the place oi the situation oi the time of the uay
Somehow I hau meigeu the memoiy of that little boy with the memoiy of
uon Juan anu foi the fiist time in all the time I hau not seen him I misseu
uon Juan
Lidia hau saiu that they nevei misseu him because he was always
with them Be was theii bouies anu theii spiiits I hau known instantly
what she meant I felt the same way myself In that gully howevei an
unknown feeling hau oveitaken me I tolu la Gorda that I hau nevei
misseu uon Juan until that moment She uiu not answei She lookeu
away
Possibly my feeling of longing foi those two people hau to uo with the
fact that both of them hau piouuceu catharsises cathaisis a puiging
of emotional tensions in my life Anu both of them weie gone I hau not
iealizeu until that moment how final that sepaiation was I saiu to la
Gorda that that little boy hau been moie than anything else my fiienu
anu that one uay he was whiskeu away by foices I coulu not contiol
That was peihaps one of the gieatest blows I hau evei ieceiveu I
even went to see uon Juan to ask his assistance It was the only time I hau
evei askeu him foi help Be listeneu to my plea anu then he bioke into
upioaiious laughtei Bis ieaction was so unexpecteu that I coulu not
even get angiy I coulu only comment on what I thought was his
insensitivity
What uo you want me to uo he askeu
I saiu that since he was a soiceiei peihaps he coulu help me to iegain
my little fiienu foi my solace
Youre wiong A waiiioi doesnt seek anything foi his solace he
saiu in a tone that uiu not aumit iepioach
Then he pioceeueu to smash my aiguments Be saiu that a waiiioi
coulu not possibly leave anything to chance that a waiiioi actually
affecteu the outcome of events by the foice of his awaieness anu his
unbenuing intent Be saiu that if I woulu have hau the unbenuing intent
to keep anu help that chilu I woulu have taken measuies to assuie his
stay with me
But as it was my love was meiely a woiu a useless outbuist of an
empty man Be then tolu me something about emptiness anu
completeness but I uiu not want to heai it All I felt was a sense of loss
anu the emptiness that he hau mentioneu I was suie iefeiieu to the
feeling of having lost someone iiieplaceable
You loveu him you honoieu his spiiit you wisheu him well anu now
you must foiget him he saiu
But I hau not been able to uo so Theie was something teiiibly alive
in my emotions even though time hau melloweu them At one point I
thought I hau foigotten but then one night an inciuent piouuceu the
ueepest emotional upheaval in me
I was walking to my office when a young Nexican woman appioacheu
me She hau been sitting on a bench waiting foi a bus She wanteu to
know if that paiticulai bus went to a chiluiens hospital I uiu not know
She explaineu that hei little boy hau hau a high tempeiatuie foi a long
time anu she was woiiieu because she uiu not have any money I moveu
towaiu the bench anu saw a little boy stanuing on the seat with his heau
against the back of the bench Be was weaiing a jacket anu shoit pants
anu a cap Be coulu not have been moie than two yeais olu Be must have
seen me foi he walkeu to the euge of the bench anu put his heau against
my leg
Ny little heau huits he saiu to me in Spanish
Bis voice was so tiny anu his uaik eyes so sau that a wave of
iiiepiessible anguish welleu up in me I pickeu him up anu uiove him anu
his mothei to the neaiest hospital I left them theie anu gave the mothei
enough money to pay the bill
But I uiu not want to stay oi to know any moie about him I wanteu to
believe that I hau helpeu him anu that by uoing so I hau paiu back to the
spiiit of man
I hau leaineu the magical act of paying back to the spiiit of man
fiom uon Juan I hau askeu him once oveiwhelmeu by the iealization
that I coulu nevei pay him back foi all he hau uone foi me if theie was
anything in the woilu I coulu uo to even the scoie We weie leaving a
bank aftei exchanging some Nexican cuiiency
I uont neeu you to pay me back he saiu but if you still want to pay
back make youi ueposit to the spiiit of man Thats always a veiy small
account anu whatevei one puts in it is moie than enough
By helping that sick chilu I hau meiely paiu back to the spiiit of man
foi any help that my little boy may ieceive fiom stiangeis along his path
I tolu la Gorda that my love foi him woulu iemain alive foi the iest of
my life even though I woulu nevei see him again I wanteu to tell hei that
the memoiy I hau of him was buiieu so ueep that nothing coulu touch it
but I uesisteu I felt it woulu have been supeifluous to talk about it
Besiues it was getting uaik anu I wanteu to get out of that gully
We bettei go I saiu Ill take you home Naybe some othei time we
can talk about these things again
She laugheu the way uon Juan useu to laugh at me I hau appaiently
saiu something utteily funny
Why uo you laugh Gorda I askeu
Because you know youiself that we cant leave this place just like
that she saiu You have an appointment with powei heie Anu so uo I
She walkeu back to the cave anu ciawleu in
Come on in she yelleu fiom insiue Theie is no way to leave
I ieacteu most incongiuously I ciawleu in anu sat next to hei again It
was eviuent that she too hau tiickeu me I hau not come theie to have any
confiontations I shoulu have been fuiious I was inuiffeient insteau I
coulu not lie to myself that I hau only stoppeu theie on my way to Nexico
City I hau gone theie compelleu by something beyonu my
compiehension
She hanueu me my notebook anu motioneu me to wiite She saiu that
if I wiote I woulu not only ielax myself but I woulu also ielax hei
What is this appointment with powei I askeu
The Nagual tolu me that you anu I have an appointment heie with
something out theie You fiist hau an appointment with Soledad anu
then one with the little sisteis They weie supposeu to uestioy you The
Nagual saiu that if you suiviveu theii assaults I hau to biing you heie so
that we togethei coulu keep the thiiu appointment
What kinu of appointment is it
I ieally uont know Like eveiything else it uepenus on us Right now
theie aie some things out theie that have been waiting foi you I say that
they have been waiting foi you because I come heie by myself all the time
anu nothing evei happens But tonight is uiffeient You aie heie anu
those things will come
Why is the Nagual tiying to uestioy me I askeu
Bes not tiying to uestioy anybouy la Gorda exclaimeu in piotest
You aie his chilu Now he wants you to be himself Noie himself than
any of us But to be a tiue Nagual you have to claim youi powei
0theiwise he wouldnt have been so caieful in setting up Soledad
anu the little sisteis to stalk you Be taught Soledad how to change hei
shape anu iejuvenate heiself Be maue hei constiuct a uevilish flooi in
hei ioom A flooi no one can oppose You see Soledad is empty so the
Nagual set hei up to uo something gigantic Be gave hei a task a most
uifficult anu uangeious task but the only one which was suiteu foi hei
anu that was to finish you off Be tolu hei that nothing coulu be moie
uifficult than foi one soiceiei to kill anothei
Its easiei foi an aveiage man to kill a soiceiei oi foi a soiceiei to kill
an aveiage man but two soiceieis uont fit well at all The Nagual tolu
Soledad that hei best bet was to suipiise you anu scaie you Anu thats
what she uiu
The Nagual set hei up to be a uesiiable woman so she coulu luie you
into hei ioom anu theie hei flooi woulu have bewitcheu you because as
Ive saiu no one but no one can stanu up to that flooi That flooi was the
Naguals masteipiece foi Soledad But you uiu something to hei flooi
anu Soledad hau to change hei tactics in accoiuance with the Naguals
instiuctions Be tolu hei that if hei flooi faileu anu she coulu not fiighten
anu suipiise you she hau to talk to you anu tell you eveiything you
wanteu to know The Nagual tiaineu hei to talk veiy well as hei last
iesouice But Soledad coulu not oveipowei you even with that
Why was it so impoitant to oveipowei me
She pauseu anu peeieu at me She cleaieu hei thioat anu sat up
stiaight She lookeu up at the low ioof of the cave anu exhaleu noisily
thiough hei nose
Soledad is a woman like myself she saiu Ill tell you something
about my own life anu maybe youll unueistanu hei
I hau a man once Be got me piegnant when I was veiy young anu I
hau two uaughteis with him 0ne aftei the othei Ny life was hell That
man was a uiunkaiu anu beat me uay anu night Anu I hateu him anu he
hateu me Anu I got fat like a pig
0ne uay anothei man came along anu tolu me that he likeu me anu
wanteu me to go with him to woik in the city as a paiu seivant Be knew I
was a haiuwoiking woman anu only wanteu to exploit me But my life
was so miseiable that I fell foi it anu went with him Be was woise than
the fiist man mean anu feaisome Be couldnt stanu me aftei a week oi
so Anu he useu to give me the woist beatings you can imagine I thought
he was going to kill me anu he wasnt even uiunk anu all because I
hadnt founu woik
Then he sent me to beg on the stieets with a sick baby Be woulu pay
the chilus mothei something fiom the money I got Anu then he woulu
beat me because I hadnt maue enough The chilu got sickei anu sickei
anu I knew that if it uieu while I was begging the man woulu kill me
So one uay when I knew that he was not theie I went to the chilus
mothei anu gave hei hei baby anu some of the money I hau maue that
uay That was a lucky uay foi me Aind foieign lauy hau given me fifty
pesos to buy meuicine foi the baby
I hau been with that hoiiible man foi thiee months anu I thought it
hau been twenty yeais I useu the money to go back to my home I was
piegnant again The man hau wanteu me to have a chilu of my own so
that he woulu not have to pay foi one
When I got to my hometown I tiieu to go back to see my chiluien
but they hau been taken away by theii fatheis family All the family got
togethei unuei the pietense that they wanteu to talk to me but insteau
they took me to a ueseiteu place anu beat me with sticks anu iocks anu
left me foi ueau
La Gorda showeu me the many scais on hei scalp
To this uay I uont know how I maue it back to town I even lost the
chilu I hau in my womb I went to an aunt I still hau Ny paients weie
ueau She gave me a place to iest anu she tenueu to me She feu me the
pooi soul foi two months befoie I coulu get up
Then one uay my aunt tolu me that that man was in town looking foi
me Be hau talkeu to the police anu hau saiu that he hau given me money
in auvance to woik anu that I hau iun away stealing the money aftei I
hau killeu a womans baby I knew that the enu hau come foi me
But my luck tuineu iight again anu I caught a iiue in the tiuck of an
Ameiican I saw the tiuck coming on the ioau anu I lifteu my hanu in
uespeiation The man stoppeu anu let me get on Be uiove me all the way
to this pait of Nexico Be uioppeu me in the city I didnt know a soul I
ioameu all ovei the place foi uays like a ciazy uog eating gaibage fiom
the stieet That was when my luck tuineu foi the last time
I met Pablito with whom I have a uebt that I cant pay back Pablito
took me to his caipentiy shop anu gave me a coinei theie to put my beu
Be uiu that because he felt soiiy foi me Be founu me in the maiket aftei
he stumbleu anu fell on top of me
I hau been sitting theie begging A moth oi a bee I uont know
which flew to him anu hit him in the eye Be tuineu aiounu on his heels
anu stumbleu anu fell iight on top of me I thought he woulu be so mau
that he woulu hit me but he gave me some money insteau I askeu him if
he coulu give me woik That was when he took me to his shop anu set me
up with an iion anu an iioning boaiu to uo launuiy
I uiu veiy well Except that I got fattei because most of the people I
washeu foi feu me with theii leftoveis Sometimes I ate sixteen times a
uay I uiu nothing else but eat Kius in the stieet useu to taunt me anu
sneak behinu me anu step on my heels anu then someone woulu push me
anu I woulu fall Those kius maue me ciy with theii ciuel jokes especially
when they useu to spoil my wash on puipose
0ne uay veiy late in the afteinoon while I was alone a weiiu olu
man came ovei to see Pablito I hau nevei seen that man befoie I hau
nevei known that Pablito was in cahoots with such a scaiy awesome
man I tuineu my back to him anu kept on woiking Suuuenly I felt the
hanus of that man on my neck Ny heait stoppeu I coulu not scieam I
couldnt even bieathe I fell uown anu that awful man helu my heau
maybe foi an houi
Then he left I was so fiighteneu that I stayeu wheie I hau fallen until
the next moining Pablito founu me theie Be laugheu anu saiu that I
shoulu be veiy piouu anu happy because that olu man was a poweiful
soiceiei anu was one of his teacheis I was uumbfounueu I couldnt
believe Pablito was a soiceiei Be saiu that his teachei hau seen a
peifect ciicle of moths flying ovei my heau Be hau also seen my ueath
ciicling aiounu me Anu that was why he hau acteu like lightning anu hau
changeu the uiiection of my eyes
Pablito also saiu that the Nagual hau laiu his hanus on me anu hau
ieacheu into my bouy anu that soon I woulu be uiffeient I hau no iuea
what he was talking about I hau no iuea what that ciazy olu man hau
uone eithei
But it didnt mattei to me I was like a uog that eveiyone kickeu
aiounu Pablito hau been the only peison who hau been kinu to me At
fiist I hau thought he wanteu me foi his woman But I was too ugly anu
fat anu smelly Be just wanteu to be kinu to me
The ciazy olu man came back anothei night anu giabbeu me again
by the neck fiom behinu Be huit me teiiibly I ciieu anu scieameu I
didnt know what he was uoing Be nevei saiu a woiu to me I was
ueathly afiaiu of him
Then latei on he began to talk to me anu tolu me what to uo with my
life I likeu what he saiu Be took me eveiywheie with him But my
emptiness was my woist enemy I couldnt accept his ways so one uay
he got sick anu tiieu of pampeiing me anu sent the winu aftei me
I was in the back of Soledads house by myself that uay anu I felt the
winu getting veiy stiong It was blowing thiough the fence It got into my
eyes I wanteu to get insiue the house but my bouy was fiighteneu anu
insteau of walking thiough the uooi I walkeu thiough the gate in the
fence The winu pusheu me anu maue me twiil I tiieu to go back to the
house but it was useless I couldnt bieak the foice of the winu
It pusheu me ovei the hills anu off the ioau anu I enueu up in a ueep
hole a hole like a tomb The winu kept me theie foi uays anu uays until I
hau ueciueu to change anu accept my fate without ieciimination Then
the winu stoppeu anu the Nagual founu me anu took me back to the
house
Be tolu me that my task was to give what I didnt have love anu
affection anu that I hau to take caie of the sisteis Lidia anu Josefina
bettei than if they weie myself I unueistoou then what the Nagual hau
been saying to me foi yeais Ny life hau been ovei a long time ago Be
hau offeieu me a new life anu that life hau to be completely new I
couldnt biing to that new life my ugly olu ways That fiist night he founu
me the moths hau pointeu me out to him I hau no business iebelling
against my fate
I began my change by taking caie of Lidia anu Josefina bettei than I
took caie of myself I uiu eveiything the Nagual tolu me anu one night in
this veiy gully in this veiy cave I founu my completeness I hau fallen
asleep iight heie wheie I am now anu then a noise woke me up
I lookeu up anu saw myself as I hau once been thin young fiesh It
was my spiiit that was coming back to me At fiist it didnt want to come
closei because I still lookeu pietty awful But then it couldnt help itself
anu came to me
I knew iight then anu all at once what the Nagual hau stiuggleu foi
yeais to tell me Be hau saiu that when one has a chilu that chilu takes
the euge of oui spiiit Foi a woman to have a giil means the enu of that
euge To have hau two as I uiu meant the enu of me
The best of my stiength anu my illusions went to those giils They
stole my euge the Nagual saiu in the same way I hau stolen it fiom my
paients Thats oui fate
A boy steals the biggest pait of his euge fiom his fathei a giil fiom
hei mothei The Nagual saiu that people who have hau chiluien coulu
tell if they arent as stubboin as you that something is missing in them
Some ciaziness some neivousness some powei that they hau befoie is
gone They useu to have it but wheie is it now
The Nagual saiu that it is in the little chilu iunning aiounu the
house full of eneigy full of illusions in othei woius complete Be saiu
that if we watch chiluien we can tell that they aie uaiing They move in
leaps If we watch theii paients we can see that they aie cautious anu
timiu They uont leap anymoie The Nagual tolu me we explain that by
saying that the paients aie giownups anu have iesponsibilities But
thats not tiue The tiuth of the mattei is that they have lost theii euge
I askeu la Gorda what the Nagual woulu have saiu if I hau tolu him
that I knew paients with much moie spiiit anu euge than theii chiluien
She laugheu coveiing hei face in a gestuie of sham embaiiassment
She saiu giggling You can ask me Bo you want to heai what I
think
0f couise I want to heai it
Those people uont have moie spiiit they meiely hau a lot of vigoi
to begin with anu have tiaineu theii chiluien to be obeuient anu meek
They have fiighteneu theii chiluien all theii lives thats all
I uesciibeu to hei the case of a man I knew a fathei of foui who at
the age of fiftythiee changeu his life completely That entaileu leaving his
wife anu his executive job in a laige coipoiation aftei moie than twenty
five yeais of builuing a caieei anu a family Be chuckeu it all veiy
uaiingly anu went to live on an islanu in the Pacific
You mean he went theie all by himself la Gorda askeu with a tone
of suipiise
She hau uestioyeu my aigument I hau to aumit that the man hau
gone theie with his twentythiee yeai olu biiue
Who no uoubt is complete la Gorda auueu
I hau to agiee with hei again
An empty man uses the completeness of a woman all the time she
went on A complete woman is uangeious in hei completeness moie so
than a man She is unieliable moouy neivous but also capable of gieat
changes Women like that can pick themselves up anu go anywheie
Theyll uo nothing theie but thats because they hau nothing going to
begin with
Empty people on the othei hanu cant jump like that anymoie but
theyre moie ieliable The Nagual saiu that empty people aie like woims
that look aiounu befoie moving a bit anu then they back up anu then they
move a little bit moie again Complete people always jump someisault
anu almost always lanu on theii heaus but it doesnt mattei to them
The Nagual saiu that to entei into the othei woilu one has to be
complete To be a soiceiei one has to have all of ones luminosity no
holes no patches anu all the euge of the spiiit So a soiceiei who is
empty has to iegain completeness Nan oi woman they must be
complete to entei into that woilu out theie that eteinity wheie the
Nagual anu Genaro aie now waiting foi us
She stoppeu talking anu staieu at me foi a long moment Theie was
baiely enough light to wiite
But how uiu you iegain youi completeness I askeu
She jumpeu at the sounu of my voice I iepeateu my question She
staieu up at the ioof of the cave befoie answeiing me
I hau to iefuse those two giils she saiu The Nagual once tolu you
how to uo that but you didnt want to heai it Bis point was that one has
to steal that euge back Be saiu that we got it the haiu way by stealing it
anu that we must iecovei it the same way the haiu way
Be guiueu me to uo that anu the fiist thing he maue me uo was to
iefuse my love foi those two chiluien I hau to uo that in uieaming Little
by little I leaineu not to like them but the Nagual saiu that that was
useless 0ne has to leain not to caie anu not not to like Whenevei those
giils meant nothing to me I hau to see them again lay my eyes anu my
hanus on them I hau to pat them gently on the heau anu let my left siue
snatch the euge out of them
What happeneu to them
Nothing They nevei felt a thing They went home anu aie now like
two giownup peisons Empty like most people aiounu them They uont
like the company of chiluien because they have no use foi them I woulu
say that they aie bettei off I took the ciaziness out of them They didnt
neeu it while I uiu I didnt know what I was uoing when I gave it to
them Besiues they still ietain the euge they stole fiom theii fathei
The Nagual was iight No one noticeu the loss but I uiu notice my
gain Then as I lookeu out of this cave I saw all my illusions lineu up like
a iow of soluieis The woilu was biight anu new The heaviness of my
bouy anu my spiiit hau been lifteu off anu I was tiuly a new being
Bo you know how you took youi euge fiom youi chiluien
They aie not my chiluien I have nevei hau any Look at me
She ciawleu out of the cave lifteu hei skiit anu showeu me hei nakeu
bouy The fiist thing I noticeu was how slenuei anu musculai she was
She uigeu me to come closei anu examine hei Bei bouy was so lean
anu fiim that I hau to concluue she coulu not possibly have hau chiluien
She put hei iight leg on a high iock anu showeu me hei vagina Bei uiive
to piove hei change was so intense that I hau to laugh to biiuge my
neivousness I saiu that I was not a uoctoi anu theiefoie I coulu not tell
but that I was suie she must be iight
0f couise Im iight she saiu as she ciawleu back into the cave
Nothing has evei come out of this womb
Aftei a moments pause she answeieu my question which I hau
alieauy foigotten unuei the onslaught of hei uisplay
Ny left siue took my euge back she saiu All I uiu was to go anu
visit the giils I went theie foui oi five times to allow them time to feel at
ease with me They weie big giils anu weie going to school
I thought I woulu have to fight not to like them but the Nagual saiu
that it didnt mattei that I shoulu like them if I wanteu to So I likeu
them But my liking them was just like liking a stiangei Ny minu was
maue up Ny puipose was unbenuing I want to entei into the othei
woilu while Im still alive as the Nagual tolu me In oiuei to uo that I
neeu all the euge of my spiiit I neeu my completeness Nothing can tuin
me away fiom that woilu Nothing
She staieu at me uefiantly
You have to iefuse both the woman who emptieu you anu the little
boy who has youi love if you aie seeking youi completeness The woman
you can easily iefuse The little boy is something else Bo you think that
youi useless affection foi that chilu is so woithy as to keep you fiom
enteiing into that iealm
I hau no answei It was not that I wanteu to think it ovei It was
iathei that I hau become utteily confuseu
Soledad has to take hei euge out of Pablito if she wants to entei
into the nagual she went on Bow in the hell is she going to uo that
Pablito no mattei how weak he is is a soiceiei
But the Nagual gave Soledad a unique chance Be saiu to hei that
hei only moment woulu come when you walkeu into the house anu foi
that moment he not only maue us move out into the othei house but he
maue us help hei wiuen the path to the house so you coulu uiive youi cai
to the veiy uooi Be tolu hei that if she liveu an impeccable life she woulu
bag you anu suck away all youi luminosity which is all the powei the
Nagual left insiue youi bouy That woulu not be uifficult foi hei to uo
Since shes going in the opposite uiiection she coulu uiain you to
nothing Bei gieat feat was to leau you to a moment of helplessness
0nce she hau killeu you youi luminosity woulu have incieaseu hei
powei anu she woulu then have come aftei us I was the only one who
knew that Lidia Josefina anu Rosa love hei I uont I knew what hei
uesigns weie She woulu have taken us one by one in hei own time since
she hau nothing to lose anu eveiything to gain
The Nagual saiu to me that theie was no othei way foi hei Be
entiusteu me with the giils anu tolu me what to uo in case Soledad killeu
you anu came aftei oui luminosity Be figuieu that I hau a chance to save
myself anu to save peihaps one of the thiee You see Soledad is not a
bau woman at all Shes simply uoing what an impeccable waiiioi woulu
uo The little sisteis like hei moie than they like theii own motheis Shes
a ieal mothei to them
That was the Nagual saiu the point of hei auvantage I havent been
able to pull the little sisteis away fiom hei no mattei what I uo So if she
hau killeu you she woulu then have taken at least two of those thiee
tiusting souls Then without you in the pictuie Pablito is nothing
Soledad woulu have squasheu him like a bug Anu then with all hei
completeness anu powei she woulu have enteieu into that woilu out
theie If I hau been in hei place I wouluve tiieu to uo exactly as she uiu
So you see it was all oi nothing foi hei When you fiist aiiiveu
eveiyone was gone It lookeu as if it was the enu foi you anu foi some of
us but then at the enu it was nothing foi hei anu a chance foi the sisteis
The moment I knew that you hau succeeueu I tolu the thiee giils that
now it was theii tuin The Nagual hau saiu that they shoulu wait until the
moining to catch you unawaies Be saiu that the moining was not a goou
time foi you Be commanueu me to stay away anu not inteifeie with the
sisteis anu to come in only if you woulu tiy to injuie theii luminosity
Weie they supposeu to kill me too
Well yes You aie the male siue of theii luminosity Theii
completeness is at times theii uisauvantage The Nagual iuleu them with
an iion hanu anu balanceu them but now that hes gone they have no
way of leveling off Youi luminosity coulu uo that foi them
Bow about you Gorda Aie you supposeu to finish me off too
Ive tolu you alieauy that Im uiffeient I am balanceu Ny emptiness
which was my uisauvantage is now my auvantage 0nce a soiceiei
iegains his completeness hes balanceu while a soiceiei who was always
complete is a bit off Like Genaro was a bit off But the Nagual was
balanceu because he hau been incomplete like you anu me even moie so
than you anu me Be hau thiee sons anu one uaughtei
The little sisteis aie like Genaro a bit off Anu most of the times so
taut that they have no measuie
Bow about me Gorda Bo I also have to go aftei them
No 0nly they coulu have piofiteu by sucking away youi luminosity
You cant piofit at all by anyones ueath The Nagual left a special powei
with you a balance of some kinu which none of us has
Cant they leain to have that balance
Suie they can But that has nothing to uo with the task the little
sisteis hau to peifoim Theii task was to steal youi powei Foi that they
became so uniteu that they aie now one single being They tiaineu
themselves to sip you up like a glass of soua
The Nagual set them up to be ueceiveis of the highest oiuei
especially Josefina She put on a show that was peeiless Compaieu to
theii ait Soledads attempt was chilus play Shes a ciuue woman The
little sisteis aie tiue soiceiesses
Two of them gaineu youi confiuence while the thiiu shockeu you
anu ienueieu you helpless They playeu theii caius to peifection You fell
foi it all anu neaily succumbeu The only flaw was that you injuieu anu
cuieu Rosas luminosity the night befoie anu that maue hei jumpy Bau it
not been foi hei neivousness anu hei biting youi siue so haiu chances
aie you wouldnt be heie now I saw eveiything fiom the uooi I came in
at the piecise moment you weie about to annihilate them
But what coulu I uo to annihilate them
Bow coulu I know that Im not you
I mean what uiu you see me uoing
I saw youi uouble coming out of you
What uiu it look like
It lookeu like you what else But it was veiy big anu menacing Youi
uouble woulu have killeu them So I came in anu inteifeieu with it It took
the best of my powei to calm you uown The sisteis weie no help They
weie lost Anu you weie fuiious anu violent You changeu colois iight in
fiont of us twice 0ne coloi was so violent that I feaieu you woulu kill me
too
What coloi was it Gorda
White what else The uouble is white yellowish white like the sun
I staieu at hei The simile simile a figuie of speech that expiesses a
iesemblance between things of uiffeient kinus was veiy new to me
Yes she continueu we aie pieces of the sun That is why we aie
luminous beings But oui eyes cant see that luminosity because it is veiy
faint 0nly the eyes of a soiceiei can see it anu that happens aftei a
lifetime stiuggle
Bei ievelation hau taken me by total suipiise I tiieu to ieoiganize
my thoughts in oiuei to ask the most appiopiiate question
Biu the Nagual evei tell you anything about the sun I askeu
Yes We aie all like the sun but veiy veiy faint 0ui light is too weak
but it is light anyway
But uiu he say that the sun was peihaps the nagual I insisteu
uespeiately
La Gorda uiu not answei She maue a seiies of involuntaiy noises
with hei lips She was appaiently thinking how to answei my piobe I
waiteu ieauy to wiite it uown Aftei a long pause she ciawleu out of the
cave
Ill show you my faint light she saiu matteioffactly
She walkeu to the centei of the naiiow gully in fiont of the cave anu
squatteu Fiom wheie I was I coulu not see what she was uoing so I hau
to get out of the cave myself I stoou ten oi twelve feet away fiom hei She
put hei hanus unuei hei skiit while she was still squatting
Suuuenly she stoou up Bei hanus weie loosely claspeu into fists She
iaiseu them ovei hei heau anu snappeu hei fingeis open I heaiu a quick
buisting sounu anu I saw spaiks flying fiom hei fingeis She again
claspeu hei hanus anu then snappeu them open anu anothei volley of
much laigei spaiks flew out of them
She squatteu once moie anu ieacheu unuei hei skiit She seemeu to
be pulling something fiom hei pubis She iepeateu the snapping
movement of hei fingeis as she thiew hei hanus ovei hei heau anu I saw
a spiay of long luminous fibeis flying away fiom hei fingeis I hau to tilt
my heau up to see them against the alieauy uaik sky They appeaieu to
be long fine filaments of a ieuuish light Aftei a while they faueu anu
uisappeaieu
She squatteu once again anu when she let hei fingeis open a most
astonishing uisplay of lights emanateu fiom them The sky was filleu with
thick iays of light It was a spellbinuing sight I became engiosseu in it
Ny eyes weie fixeu I was not paying attention to la Gorda I was looking
at the lights
I heaiu a suuuen outciy that foiceu me to look at hei just in time to
see hei giab one of the lines she was cieating anu spin to the veiy top of
the canyon She hoveieu theie foi an instant like a huge uaik shauow
against the sky anu then she uescenueu to the bottom of the gully in
spuits oi small leaps oi as if she weie coming uown a staiiway on hei
belly
I suuuenly saw hei stanuing ovei me I hau not iealizeu that I hau
fallen on my seat I stoou up She was soakeu in peispiiation anu was
panting tiying to catch hei bieath She coulu not speak foi a long time
She began to jog in place I uiu not uaie to touch hei Finally she seemeu
to have calmeu uown enough to ciawl back into the cave She iesteu foi a
few minutes
Bei actions hau been so fast that I hau haiuly hau any time to
evaluate what hau happeneu At the moment of hei uisplay I hau felt an
unbeaiable ticklish pain in the aiea just below my navel I hau not
physically exeiteu myself anu yet I was also panting
I think its time to go to oui appointment she saiu out of bieath
Ny flying openeu us both You felt my flying in youi belly That means
you aie open anu ieauy to meet the foui foices
What foui foices aie you talking about
The Naguals anu Genaros allies Youve seen them They aie
hoiienuous Now they aie fiee fiom the Naguals anu Genaros gouius
You heaiu one of them aiounu Soledads house the othei night They aie
waiting foi you The moment the uaikness of the uay sets in theyll be
uncontainable 0ne of them even came aftei you in the uaytime at
Soledads place Those allies now belong to you anu me We will take two
each I uont know which ones Anu I uont know how eithei All the
Nagual tolu me was that you anu I woulu have to tackle them by
ouiselves
Wait wait I shouteu
She uiu not let me speak She gently put hei hanu ovei my mouth I
felt a pang of teiioi in the pit of my stomach I hau been confionteu in the
past with some inexplicable phenomena which uon Juan anu uon Genaro
hau calleu theii allies Theie weie foui of them anu they weie entities as
ieal as anything in the woilu Theii piesence was so outlanuish that it
woulu cieate an unpaialleleu state of feai in me eveiy time I peiceiveu
them
The fiist one I hau encounteieu was uon Juans It was a uaik
iectangulai mass eight oi nine feet high anu foui oi five feet acioss It
moveu with the ciushing weight of a giant bouluei anu bieatheu so
heavily that it ieminueu me of the sounu of bellows I hau always
encounteieu it at night in the uaikness I hau fancieu it to be like a uooi
that walkeu by pivoting on one coinei anu then on the othei
The seconu ally I came acioss was uon Genaros It was a longfaceu
baluheaueu extiaoiuinaiily tall glowing man with thick lips anu
enoimous uioopy eyes Be always woie pants that weie too shoit foi his
long skinny legs
I hau seen those two allies a gieat many times while in the company
of uon Juan anu uon Genaro The sight of them woulu invaiiably cause
an iiieconcilable sepaiation between my ieason anu my peiception 0n
the one hanu I hau no iational giounu whatsoevei to believe that what
was happening to me was actually taking place anu on the othei hanu
theie was no possible way of uiscaiuing the tiuthfulness of my
peiception
Since they hau always appeaieu while uon Juan anu uon Genaro
weie aiounu I hau fileu them away as piouucts of the poweiful influence
that those two men hau hau on my suggestible peisonality In my
unueistanuing it was eithei that oi that uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau in
theii possession foices they calleu theii allies foices which weie capable
of manifesting themselves to me as those hoiienuous entities
A featuie of the allies was that they nevei alloweu me to sciutinize
them thoioughly I hau tiieu vaiious times to focus my unuiviueu
attention on them but eveiy time I woulu get uizzy anu uisassociateu
The othei two allies weie moie elusive I hau seen them only once a
gigantic black jaguai with yellow glowing eyes anu a iavenous
enoimous coyote The two beasts weie ultimately aggiessive anu
oveipoweiing The jaguai was uon Genaros anu the coyote was uon
Juans
La Gorda ciawleu out of the cave I followeu hei as she leu the way
We walkeu out of the gully anu ieacheu a long iocky plain She stoppeu
anu let me step aheau I tolu hei that if she was going to let me leau us I
was going to tiy to get to the cai
She shook hei heau affiimatively anu clung to me I coulu feel hei
clammy skin She seemeu to be in a state of gieat agitation It was
peihaps a mile to wheie we hau left the cai anu to ieach it we hau to
cioss the ueseiteu iocky plain Bon Juan hau shown me a hiuuen tiail
among some big boulueis almost on the siue of the mountain that flankeu
the plain towaiu the east I heaueu foi that tiail Some unknown uige was
guiuing me otheiwise I woulu have taken the same tiail we hau taken
befoie when we hau ciosseu the plain on the level giounu
La Gorda seemeu to be anticipating something awesome She
giabbeu onto me Bei eyes weie wilu
Aie we going the iight way I askeu
She uiu not answei She pulleu hei shawl anu twisteu it until it lookeu
like a long thick iope She enciicleu my waist with it ciosseu ovei the
enus anu enciicleu heiself She tieu a knot anu thus hau us bounu
togethei in a banu that lookeu like a figuie eight
What uiu you uo this foi I askeu
She shook hei heau Bei teeth chatteieu but she coulu not say a woiu
Bei fiight seemeu to be extieme She pusheu me to keep on walking I
coulu not help wonueiing why I was not scaieu out of my wits myself
As we ieacheu the high tiail the physical exeition began to take its
toll on me I was wheezing anu hau to bieathe thiough my mouth I coulu
see the shape of the big boulueis Theie was no moon but the sky was so
cleai that theie was enough light to uistinguish shapes I coulu heai la
Gorda also wheezing
I tiieu to stop to catch my bieath but she pusheu me gently as she
shook hei heau negatively I wanteu to make a joke to bieak the tension
when I heaiu a stiange thumping noise
Ny heau moveu involuntaiily to my iight to allow my left eai to scan
the aiea I stoppeu bieathing foi an instant anu then I cleaily heaiu that
someone else besiues la Gorda anu myself was bieathing heavily I
checkeu again to make suie befoie I tolu hei Theie was no uoubt that
that massive shape was theie among the boulueis
I put my hanu on la Gordas mouth as we kept on moving anu
signaleu hei to holu hei bieath I coulu tell that the massive shape was
veiy close It seemeu to be sliuing as quietly as it coulu It was wheezing
softly
La Gorda was staitleu She squatteu anu pulleu me uown with hei by
the shawl tieu aiounu my waist She put hei hanus unuei hei skiit foi a
moment anu then stoou up Bei hanus weie claspeu anu when she
snappeu hei fingeis open a volley of spaiks flew fiom them
Piss in youi hanus la Gorda whispeieu thiough clencheu teeth
Bub I saiu unable to compiehenu what she wanteu me to uo
She whispeieu hei oiuei thiee oi foui times with incieasing uigency
She must have iealizeu I uiu not know what she wanteu foi she squatteu
again anu showeu that she was uiinating in hei hanus I staieu at hei
uumbfounueu as she maue hei uiine fly like ieuuish spaiks
Ny minu went blank I uiu not know which was moie absoibing the
sight la Gorda was cieating with hei uiine oi the wheezing of the
appioaching entity I coulu not ueciue on which of the two stimuli to
focus my attention both weie enthialling
Quickly Bo it in youi hanus la Gorda giumbleu between hei teeth
I heaiu hei but my attention was uislocateu With an imploiing voice
la Gorda auueu that my spaiks woulu make the appioaching cieatuie
whatevei it was ietieat She began to whine anu I began to feel
uespeiate I coulu not only heai but I coulu sense with my whole bouy
the appioaching entity
I tiieu to uiinate in my hanus Ny effoit was useless I was too self
conscious anu neivous I became possesseu by la Gordas agitation anu
stiuggleu uespeiately to uiinate I finally uiu it I snappeu my fingeis
thiee oi foui times but nothing flew out of them
Bo it again la Gorda saiu It takes a while to make spaiks
I tolu hei that I hau useu up all the uiine I hau Theie was the most
intense look of uespaii in hei eyes
At that instant I saw the massive iectangulai shape moving towaiu
us Somehow it uiu not seem menacing to me although la Gorda was
about to faint out of feai
Suuuenly she untieu hei shawl anu leapeu onto a small iock that was
behinu me anu huggeu me fiom behinu putting hei chin on my heau She
hau piactically climbeu on my shoulueis The instant that we auopteu
that position the shape ceaseu moving It kept on wheezing peihaps
twenty feet away fiom us
I felt a giant tension that seemeu to be focuseu in my miusection
Aftei a while I knew without the shauow of a uoubt that if we iemaineu
in that position we woulu have uiaineu oui eneigy anu fallen piey to
whatevei was stalking us
I tolu hei that we weie going to iun foi oui lives She shook hei heau
negatively She seemeu to have iegaineu hei stiength anu confiuence She
saiu then that we hau to buiy oui heaus in oui aims anu lie uown with
oui thighs against oui stomachs
I iemembeieu then that yeais befoie uon Juan hau maue me uo the
same thing one night when I was caught in a ueseiteu fielu in noithein
Nexico by something equally unknown anu yet equally ieal to my senses
At that time uon Juan hau saiu that fleeing was useless anu the only thing
one coulu uo was to iemain on the spot in the position la Gorda hau just
piesciibeu
I was about to kneel uown when I hau the unexpecteu feeling that we
hau maue a teiiible mistake in leaving the cave We hau to go back to it at
any cost
I loopeu la Gordas shawl ovei my shoulueis anu unuei my aims I
askeu hei to holu the tips above my heau climb to my shoulueis anu
stanu on them biacing heiself by pulling up the enus of the shawl anu
fastening it like a hainess
Yeais befoie uon Juan hau tolu me that one shoulu meet stiange
events such as the iectangulai shape in fiont of us with unexpecteu
actions Be saiu that once he himself stumbleu upon a ueei that talkeu
to him anu he hau stoou on his heau foi the uuiation of that event as a
means of assuiing his suivival anu to ease the stiain of such an
encountei
Ny iuea was to tiy to walk aiounu the iectangulai shape back to the
cave with la Gorda stanuing on my shoulueis
She whispeieu that the cave was out of the question The Nagual hau
tolu hei not to iemain theie at all I aigueu as I fixeu the shawl foi hei
that my bouy hau the ceitainty that in the cave we woulu be all iight She
ieplieu that that was tiue anu it woulu woik except that we hau no
means whatevei to contiol those foices We neeueu a special containei a
gouiu of some soit like those I hau seen uangling fiom uon Juans anu
uon Genaros belts
She took off hei shoes anu climbeu on my shoulueis anu stoou theie
I helu hei by hei calves As she pulleu on the enus of the shawl I felt the
tension of the banu unuei my aimpits I waiteu until she hau gaineu hei
balance To walk in the uaikness caiiying one hunuieu anu fifteen
pounus on my shoulueis was no mean feat I went veiy slowly I counteu
twentythiee paces anu I hau to put hei uown The pain on my shouluei
blaues was unbeaiable I tolu hei that although she was veiy slenuei hei
weight was ciushing my collaibone
The inteiesting pait howevei was that the iectangulai shape was no
longei in sight 0ui stiategy hau woikeu La Gorda suggesteu that she
caiiy me on hei shoulueis foi a stietch I founu the iuea luuicious Ny
weight was moie than what hei small fiame coulu stanu We ueciueu to
walk foi a while anu see what happeneu
Theie was a ueau silence aiounu us We walkeu slowly biacing each
othei We hau moveu no moie than a few yaius when I again began to
heai stiange bieathing noises a soft piolongeu hissing like the hissing of
a feline I huiiieuly helpeu hei to get back on my shoulueis anu walkeu
anothei ten paces
I knew we hau to maintain the unexpecteu as a tactic if we wanteu to
get out of that place I was tiying to figuie out anothei set of unexpecteu
actions we coulu use insteau of la Gorda stanuing on my shoulueis when
she took off hei long uiess In one single movement she was nakeu She
sciambleu on the giounu looking foi something
I heaiu a ciacking sounu anu she stoou up holuing a bianch fiom a
low bush She manoeuvred hei shawl aiounu my shoulueis anu neck
anu maue a soit of iiuing suppoit wheie she coulu sit with hei legs
wiappeu aiounu my waist like a chilu iiuing piggyback She then put the
bianch insiue hei uiess anu helu it above hei heau She began to twiil the
bianch giving the uiess a stiange bounce To that effect she auueu a
whistle imitating the peculiai ciy of a night owl
Aftei a hunuieu yaius oi so I heaiu the same sounus coming fiom
behinu us anu fiom the siues She changeu to anothei biiucall a pieicing
sounu similai to that maue by a peacock A few minutes latei the same
birdcalls weie echoing all aiounu us
I hau witnesseu a similai phenomenon of birdcalls being answeieu
yeais befoie with uon Juan I hau thought at the time that peihaps the
sounus weie being piouuceu by uon Juan who was hiuing neaiby in the
uaikness oi even by someone closely associateu with him such as uon
Genaro who was aiuing him in cieating an insuimountable feai in me a
feai that maue me iun in total uaikness without even stumbling Bon
Juan hau calleu that paiticulai action of iunning in uaikness the gait of
powei
I askeu la Gorda if she knew how to uo the gait of powei She saiu
yes I tolu hei that we weie going to tiy it even though I was not at all
suie I coulu uo it She saiu that it was neithei the time noi the place foi
that anu pointeu in fiont of us Ny heait which hau been beating fast all
along began to pounu wiluly insiue my chest
Right aheau of us peihaps ten feet away anu smack in the miuule of
the tiail was one of uon Genaros allies the stiange glowing man with
the long face anu the balu heau I fioze on the spot I heaiu la Gordas
shiiek as though it weie coming fiom fai away She fiantically pounueu
on my siues with hei fists
Bei action bioke my fixation on the man She tuineu my heau to the
left anu then to the iight 0n my left siue almost touching my leg was the
black mass of a giant feline with glaiing yellow eyes To my iight I saw an
enoimous phosphoiescent coyote Behinu us almost touching la Gordas
back was the uaik iectangulai shape
The man tuineu his back to us anu began to move on the tiail I also
began to walk La Gorda kept on shiieking anu whining The iectangulai
shape was almost giabbing hei back I heaiu it moving with ciushing
thumps The sounu of its steps ieveibeiateu on the hills aiounu us I
coulu feel its colu bieath on my neck
I knew that la Gorda was about to go mau Anu so was I The feline
anu the coyote weie almost iubbing my legs I coulu heai theii hissing
anu giowling incieasing in volume I hau at that moment the iiiational
uige to make a ceitain sounu uon Juan hau taught me The allies
answeieu me I kept on fiantically making the sounu anu they answeieu
me back The tension uiminisheu by uegiees anu befoie we ieacheu the
ioau I was pait of a most extiavagant scene
La Gorda was iiuing piggyback happily bouncing hei uiess ovei hei
heau as if nothing hau evei happeneu She was keeping the bounces in
ihythm with the sounu I was making while foui cieatuies of anothei
woilu answeieu me back as they moveu at my pace flanking us on all
foui siues
We got to the ioau in that fashion but I uiu not want to leave Theie
seemeu to be something missing I stayeu motionless with la Gorda on
my back anu maue a veiy special tapping sounu uon Juan hau taught me
Be hau saiu that it was the call of moths In oiuei to piouuce it one hau to
use the insiue euge of the left hanu anu the lips
As soon as I maue it eveiything seemeu to come to iest peacefully
The foui entities answeieu me anu as they uiu I knew which weie the
ones that woulu go with me
I then walkeu to the cai anu easeu la Gorda off my back onto the
uiiveis seat anu pusheu hei ovei to hei siue We uiove away in absolute
silence Something hau toucheu me somewheie anu my thoughts hau
been tuineu off
La Gorda suggesteu that we go to uon Genaros place insteau of
uiiving to hei house She saiu that Benigno Nestoi ami Pablito liveu
theie but weie out of town Bei suggestion appealeu to me
0nce we weie in the house la Gorda lit a lantein The place lookeu
just as it hau the last time I hau visiteu uon Genaro We sat on the flooi I
pulleu up a bench anu put my wiiting pau on it I was not tiieu anu I
wanteu to wiite but I coulu not uo it I coulu not wiite at all
What uiu the Nagual tell you about the allies I askeu
Ny question seemeu to catch hei off guaiu She uiu not know how to
answei
I cant think she finally saiu
It was as though she hau nevei expeiienceu that state befoie She
paceu back anu foith in fiont of me Tiny beaus of peispiiation hau
foimeu on the tip of hei nose anu on hei uppei lip
She suuuenly giabbeu me by the hanu anu piactically pulleu me out
of the house She leu me to a neaiby iavine anu theie she got sick
Ny stomach felt queasy She saiu that the pull of the allies hau been
too gieat anu that I shoulu foice myself to thiow up I staieu at hei
waiting foi a fuithei explanation She took my heau in hei hanus anu
stuck hei fingei uown my thioat with the ceitainty of a nuise uealing
with a chilu anu actually maue me vomit
She explaineu that human beings hau a veiy uelicate glow aiounu the
stomach anu that that glow was always being pulleu by eveiything
aiounu At times when the pull was too gieat as in the case of contact
with the allies oi even in the case of contact with stiong people the glow
woulu become agitateu change coloi oi even faue altogethei In such
instances the only thing one coulu uo was simply to thiow up
I felt bettei but not quite myself yet I hau a sense of tiieuness of
heaviness aiounu my eyes We walkeu back to the house As we ieacheu
the uooi la Gorda sniffeu the aii like a uog anu saiu that she knew which
allies weie mine
Bei statement which oiuinaiily woulu have hau no othei significance
than the one she alluueu to oi the one I myself ieau into it hau the
special quality of a cathaitic cathaitic emotionally puiging uevice It
maue me exploue into thoughts All at once my usual intellectual
uelibeiations came into being I felt myself leaping in the aii as if
thoughts hau an eneigy of theii own
The fiist thought that came to my minu was that the allies weie actual
entities as I hau suspecteu without evei uaiing to aumit even to myself
I hau seen them anu felt them anu communicateu with them I was
euphoiic I embiaceu la Gorda anu began to explain to hei the ciux of my
intellectual uilemma
I hau seen the allies without the aiu of uon Juan oi uon Genaro anu
that act maue all the uiffeience in the woilu to me I tolu la Gorda that
once when I hau iepoiteu to uon Juan that I hau seen one of the allies he
hau laugheu anu uigeu me not to take myself so seiiously anu to
uisiegaiu what I hau seen
I hau nevei wanteu to believe I was having hallucinations but I uiu
not want to accept that theie weie allies eithei Ny iational backgiounu
was unbenuing I coulu not biiuge the gap
This time howevei eveiything was uiffeient anu the thought that
theie weie actually beings on this eaith that weie fiom anothei woilu
without being aliens to the eaith was moie than I coulu beai I saiu to la
Gorda half in jest that secietly I woulu have given anything to be ciazy
That woulu have absolveu some pait of me fiom the ciushing
iesponsibility of ievamping my unueistanuing of the woilu
The iiony of it was that I coulu not have been moie willing to ievamp
my unueistanuing of the woilu on an intellectual level that is but that
was not enough That hau nevei been enough
Anu that hau been my insuimountable obstacle all along my ueauly
flaw I hau been willing to ually in uon Juans woilu in a semiconvinceu
fashion Theiefoie I hau been a quasisoiceiei All my effoits hau been
no moie than my inane inane uevoiu of intelligence eageiness to
fence with the intellect as if I weie in acauemia wheie one can uo that
veiy thing fiom am to pm at which time uuly tiieu one goes
home
Bon Juan useu to say as a joke that aftei aiianging the woilu in a
most beautiful anu enlighteneu mannei the scholai goes home at five
oclock in oiuei to foiget his beautiful aiiangement
While la Gorda maue us some foou I woikeu feveiishly on my notes I
felt much moie ielaxeu aftei eating La Gorda was in the best of spiiits
She clowneu the way uon Genaro useu to imitating the gestuies I maue
while I wiote
What uo you know about the allies Gorda I askeu
0nly what the Nagual tolu me she ieplieu Be saiu that the allies
weie foices that a soiceiei leains to contiol Be hau two insiue his gouiu
anu so uiu Genaro
Bow uiu they keep them insiue theii gouius
No one knows that All the Nagual knew was that a tiny peifect
gouiu with a neck must be founu befoie one coulu hainess the allies
Wheie can one finu that kinu of gouiu
Anywheie The Nagual left woiu with me in case we suiviveu the
attack of the allies that we shoulu stait looking foi the peifect gouiu
which must be the size of the thumb of the left hanu That was the size of
the Naguals gouiu
Bave you seen his gouiu
No Nevei The Nagual saiu that a gouiu of that kinu is not in the
woilu of men Its like a little bunule that one can uistinguish hanging
fiom theii belts But if you uelibeiately look at it you will see nothing
The gouiu once it is founu must be gioomeu with gieat caie
0sually soiceieis finu gouius like that on vines in the woous They pick
them anu uiy them anu then they hollow them out anu then they smooth
them anu polish them
0nce the soiceiei has his gouiu he must offei it to the allies anu
entice them to live theie If the allies consent the gouiu uisappeais fiom
the woilu of men anu the allies become an aiu to the soiceiei The
Nagual anu Genaro coulu make theii allies uo anything that neeueu to
be uone things they themselves coulu not uo Such as foi instance
senuing the winu to chase me oi senuing that chicken to iun insiue
Lidias blouse
I heaiu a peculiai piolongeu hissing sounu outsiue the uooi It was
the exact sounu I hau heaiu in uona Soledads house two uays befoie
This time I knew it was the jaguai The sounu uiu not scaie me In fact I
woulu have steppeu out to see the jaguai hau la Gorda not stoppeu me
Youre still incomplete she saiu The allies woulu feast on you if
you go out by youiself Especially that uaiing one thats piowling out
theie now
Ny bouy feels veiy safe I piotesteu
She patteu my back anu helu me uown against the bench on which I
was wiiting
Youre not a complete soiceiei yet she saiu You have a huge
patch in youi miuule anu the foice of those allies woulu yank it out of
place They aie no joke
What aie you supposeu to uo when an ally comes to you in this
fashion
I uont bothei with them one way oi anothei The Nagual taught me
to be balanceu anu not to seek anything eageily Tonight foi instance I
knew which allies woulu go to you if you can evei get a gouiu anu gioom
it You may be eagei to get them Im not Chances aie Ill nevei get them
myself They aie a pain in the neck
Why
Because they aie foices anu as such they can uiain you to nothing
The Nagual saiu that one is bettei off with nothing except ones puipose
anu fieeuom Someuay when youre complete peihaps well have to
choose whethei oi not to keep them
I tolu hei that I peisonally likeu the jaguai even though theie was
something oveibeaiing about it She peeieu at me Theie was a look of
suipiise anu bewilueiment in hei eyes
I ieally like that one I saiu
Tell me what you saw she saiu
I iealizeu at that moment that I hau automatically assumeu that she
hau seen the same things I hau I uesciibeu in gieat uetail the foui allies
as I hau seen them She listeneu moie than attentively She appeaieu to
be spellbounu by my uesciiption
The allies have no foim she saiu when I hau finisheu They aie like
a piesence like a winu like a glow The fiist one we founu tonight was a
blackness that wanteu to get insiue my bouy Thats why I scieameu I felt
it ieaching up my legs The otheis weie just colois Theii glow was so
stiong though that it maue the tiail look as if it weie uaytime
Bei statements astounueu me I hau finally accepteu aftei yeais of
stiuggle anu puiely on the basis of oui encountei with them that night
that the allies hau a consensual foim a substance which coulu be
peiceiveu equally by eveiyones senses
I jokingly tolu la Gorda that I hau alieauy wiitten in my notes that
they weie cieatuies with foim
What am I going to uo now I askeu in a ihetoiical sense
Its veiy simple she saiu Wiite that they aie not
I thought that she was absolutely iight
Why uo I see them as monsteis I askeu
Thats no mysteiy she saiu You havent lost youi human foim
yet The same thing happeneu to me I useu to see the allies as people All
of them weie Inuian men with hoiiible faces anu mean looks They useu
to wait foi me in ueseiteu places I thought they weie aftei me as a
woman
The Nagual useu to laugh his heau off at my feais But still I was half
ueau with fiight 0ne of them useu to come anu sit on my beu anu shake
it until I woulu wake up The fiight that that ally useu to give me was
something that I uont want iepeateu even now that Im changeu
Tonight I think I was as afiaiu of the allies as I useu to be
You mean that you uont see them as human beings anymoie
No Not anymoie The Nagual tolu you that an ally is foimless Be is
iight An ally is only a piesence a helpei that is nothing anu yet it is as
ieal as you anu me
Bave the little sisteis seen the allies
Eveiybouy has seen them one time oi anothei
Aie the allies just a foice foi them too
No They aie like you they havent lost theii human foim yet None
of them has Foi all of them the little sisteis the Genaros anu Soledad
the allies aie hoiienuous things With them the allies aie malevolent
uieauful cieatuies of the night
The sole mention of the allies senus Lidia anu Josefina anu Pablito
into a fienzy Rosa anu Nestoi aie not that afiaiu of them but they uont
want to have anything to uo with them eithei Benigno has his own
uesigns so hes not conceineu with them They uont bothei him oi me
foi that mattei But the otheis aie easy piey foi the allies especially now
that the allies aie out of the Naguals anu Genaros gouius They come all
the time looking foi you
The Nagual tolu me that as long as one clings to the human foim
one can only ieflect that foim anu since the allies feeu uiiectly onto oui
lifefoice in the miuule of the stomach they usually make us sick anu
then we see them as heavy ugly cieatuies
Is theie something that we can uo to piotect ouiselves oi to change
the shape of those cieatuies
What all of you have to uo is lose youi human foims
What uo you mean
Ny question uiu not seem to have any meaning foi hei She staieu at
me blankly as if waiting foi me to claiify what I hau just saiu She closeu
hei eyes foi a moment
You uont know about the human molu anu the human foim uo
you she askeu
I staieu at hei
Ive just seen that you know nothing about them she saiu anu
smileu
You aie absolutely iight I saiu
The Nagual tolu me that the human foim is a foice she saiu Anu
the human molu is well a molu Be saiu that eveiything has a
paiticulai molu Plants have molus animals have molus woims have
molus Aie you suie the Nagual nevei showeu you the human molu
I tolu hei that he hau sketcheu the concept but in a veiy biief
mannei once when he hau tiieu to explain something about a uieam I
hau hau In the uieam in question I hau seen a man who seemeu to be
concealing himself in the uaikness of a naiiow gully
To finu him theie scaieu me I lookeu at him foi a moment anu then
the man steppeu foiwaiu anu maue himself visible to me Be was nakeu
anu his bouy gloweu Be seemeu to be uelicate almost fiail I likeu his
eyes They weie fiienuly anu piofounu I thought that they weie veiy
kinu But then he steppeu back into the uaikness of the gully anu his eyes
became like two miiiois like the eyes of a feiocious animal
Bon Juan saiu that I hau encounteieu the human molu in uieaming
Be explaineu that soiceieis have the avenue of theii uieaming to leau
them to the molu anu that the molu of men was uefinitely an entity an
entity which coulu be seen by some of us at ceitain times when we aie
imbueu with powei anu by all of us foi suie at the moment of oui ueath
Be uesciibeu the molu as being the souice the oiigin of man since
without the molu to gioup togethei the foice of life theie was no way foi
that foice to assemble itself into the shape of man
Be inteipieteu my uieam as a biief anu extiaoiuinaiily simplistic
glance at the molu Be saiu that my uieam hau iestateu the fact that I was
a simpleminueu anu veiy eaithy man
La Gorda laugheu anu saiu that she woulu have saiu the same thing
heiself To see the molu as an aveiage nakeu man anu then as an animal
hau been inueeu a veiy simplistic view of the molu
Peihaps it was just a stupiu oiuinaiy uieam I saiu tiying to uefenu
myself
No she saiu with a laige giin You see the human molu glows anu
it is always founu in watei holes anu naiiow gullies
Why in gullies anu watei holes I askeu
It feeus on watei Without watei theie is no molu she ieplieu I
know that the Nagual took you to watei holes iegulaily in hopes of
showing yon the molu But youi emptiness pieventeu you fiom seeing
anything The same thing happeneu to me Be useu to make me lie nakeu
on a iock in the veiy centei of a paiticulai uiieuup watei hole but all I
uiu was to feel the piesence of something that scaieu me out of my wits
Why uoes emptiness pievent one fiom seeing the molu
The Nagual saiu that eveiything in the woilu is a foice a pull oi a
push In oiuei foi us to be pusheu oi pulleu we neeu to be like a sail like
a kite in the winu But if we have a hole in the miuule of oui luminosity
the foice goes thiough it anu nevei acts upon us
The Nagual tolu me that Genaro likeu you veiy much anu tiieu to
make you awaie of the hole in youi miuule Be useu to fly his sombieio
as a kite to tease you Be even pulleu you fiom that hole until you hau
uiaiihea but you nevei caught on to what he was uoing
Why didnt they tell me as plainly as you have tolu me
They uiu but you didnt notice theii woius
I founu hei statement impossible to believe To accept that they hau
tolu me about it anu I hau not acknowleugeu it was unthinkable
Biu you evei see the molu Gorda I askeu
Suie when I became complete again I went to that paiticulai watei
hole one uay by myself anu theie it was It was a iauiant luminous being
I coulu not look at it It blinueu me
But being in its piesence was enough I felt happy anu stiong anu
nothing else matteieu nothing }ust being theie was all I wanteu The
Nagual saiu that sometimes if we have enough peisonal powei we can
catch a glimpse of the molu even though we aie not soiceieis When that
happens we say that we have seen uou Be saiu that if we call it uou it is
the tiuth The molu is uou
I hau a uieauful time unueistanuing the Nagual because I was a
veiy ieligious woman I hau nothing else in the woilu but my ieligion So
to heai the Nagual say the things he useu to say maue me shivei But
then I became complete anu the foices of the woilu began to pull me anu
I knew that the Nagual was iight The molu is uou What uo you think
The uay I see it Ill tell you Gorda I saiu
She laugheu anu saiu that the Nagual useu to make fun of me saying
that the uay I woulu see the molu I woulu piobably become a Fianciscan
fiiai because in the uepths of me I was a ieligious soul
Was the molu you saw a man oi a woman I askeu
Neithei It was simply a luminous human The Nagual saiu that I
coulu have askeu something foi myself That a waiiioi cannot let that
chance pass But I coulu not think of anything to ask foi It was bettei that
way I have the most beautiful memoiy of it The Nagual saiu that a
waiiioi with enough powei can see the molu many many times What a
gieat foitune that must be
But if the human molu is what puts us togethei what is the human
foim
Something sticky a sticky foice that makes us the people we aie The
Nagual tolu me that the human foim has no foim Like the allies that he
caiiieu in his gouiu its anything but in spite of not having foim it
possesses us uuiing oui lives anu doesnt leave us until we uie Ive
nevei seen the human foim but I have felt it in my bouy
She then uesciibeu a veiy complex seiies of sensations that she hau
hau ovei a peiiou of yeais that culminateu in a seiious illness the climax
of which was a bouily state that ieminueu me of uesciiptions I hau ieau
of a massive heait attack She saiu that the human foim as the foice that
it is left hei bouy aftei a seiious inteinal battle that manifesteu itself as
illness
It sounus as if you hau a heait attack I saiu
Naybe I uiu she ieplieu but one thing I know foi suie The uay I
hau it I lost my human foim I became so weak that foi uays I couldnt
even get out of my beu Since that uay I havent hau the eneigy to be my
olu self Fiom time to time I have tiieu to get into my olu habits but I
didnt have the stiength to enjoy them the way I useu to Finally I gave up
tiying
What is the point of losing youi foim
A waiiioi must uiop the human foim in oiuei to change to ieally
change 0theiwise theie is only talk about change like in youi case
The Nagual saiu that it is useless to think oi hope that one can
change ones habits 0ne cannot change one iota as long as one holus on
to the human foim The Nagual tolu me that a waiiioi knows that he
cannot change anu yet he makes it his business to tiy to change even
though he knows that he wont be able to Thats the only auvantage a
waiiioi has ovei the aveiage man The waiiioi is nevei uisappointeu
when he fails to change
But you aie still youiself Gorda arent you
No Not anymoie The only thing that makes you think you aie
youiself is the foim 0nce it leaves you aie nothing
But you still talk anu think anu feel as you always uiu uont you
Not at all Im new
She laugheu anu huggeu me as if she weie consoling a chilu
0nly Eligio anu I have lost oui foim she went on It was oui gieat
foitune that we lost it while the Nagual was among us You people will
have a hoiiiu time That is youi fate Whoevei loses it next will have only
me as a companion I alieauy feel soiiy foi whoevei it will be
What else uiu you feel Gorda when you lost youi foim besiues not
having enough eneigy
The Nagual tolu me that a waiiioi without foim begins to see an
eye I saw an eye in fiont of me eveiy time I closeu my eyes It got so bau
that I couldnt iest anymoie The eye followeu me wheievei I went I
neaily went mau Finally I suppose I became useu to it Now I uont even
notice it because it has become pait of me
The foimless waiiioi uses that eye to stait uieaming If you uont
have a foim you uont have to go to sleep to uo uieaming The eye in
fiont of you pulls you eveiy time you want to go
Wheie exactly is that eye Gorda
She closeu hei eyes anu moveu hei hanu fiom siue to siue iight in
fiont of hei eyes coveiing the span of hei face
Sometimes the eye is veiy small anu othei times it is enoimous she
went on When its small youi uieaming is piecise If its big youi
uieaming is like flying ovei the mountains anu not ieally seeing much I
havent uone enough uieaming yet but the Nagual tolu me that that eye
is my tiump caiu 0ne uay when I become tiuly foimless I wont see the
eye anymoie the eye will become just like me nothing anu yet itll be
theie like the allies
The Nagual saiu that eveiything has to be sifteu thiough oui human
foim When we have no foim then nothing has foim anu yet eveiything
is piesent I couldnt unueistanu what he meant by that but now I see
that he was absolutely iight
The allies aie only a piesence anu so will be the eye But at this time
that eye is eveiything to me In fact in having that eye I shoulu neeu
nothing else in oiuei to call up my uieaming even when Im awake I
havent been able to uo that yet Peihaps Im like you a bit stubboin anu
lazy
Bow uiu you uo the flying you showeu me tonight
The Nagual taught me how to use my bouy to make lights because
we aie light anyway So I make spaiks anu lights anu they in tuin luie
the lines of the woilu 0nce I see one its easy to hook myself to it
Bow uo you hook youiself
I giab it
She maue a gestuie with hei hanus She claweu them anu then placeu
them togethei joineu at the wiists foiming a soit of bowl with the
claweu fingeis upiight
You have to giab the line like a jaguai she went on anu nevei
sepaiate the wiists If you uo youll fall uown anu bieak youi neck
She pauseu anu that foiceu me to look at hei waiting foi moie of hei
ievelations
You uont believe me uo you she askeu
Without giving me time to answei she squatteu anu began again to
piouuce hei uisplay of spaiks I was calm anu collecteu anu coulu place
my unuiviueu attention on hei actions When she snappeu hei fingeis
open eveiy fibei of hei muscles seemeu to tense at once That tension
seemeu to be focuseu on the veiy tips of hei fingeis anu was piojecteu
out like iays of light The moistuie in hei fingeitips was actually a vehicle
to caiiy some soit of eneigy emanating fiom hei bouy
Bow uiu you uo that Gorda I askeu tiuly maiveling at hei
I ieally uont know she saiu I simply uo it Ive uone it lots anu lots
of times anu yet I uont know how I uo it When I giab one of those iays I
feel that Im being pulleu by something I ieally uont uo anything else
except let the lines Ive giabbeu pull me
When I want to get back thiough I feel that the line doesnt want to
let me fiee anu I get fiantic The Nagual saiu that that was my woist
featuie I get so fiighteneu that one of these uays Im going to injuie my
bouy But I figuie that one of these uays Ill be even moie foimless anu
then I wont get fiighteneu So as long as I holu on until that uay Im all
iight
Tell me then Gorda how uo you let the lines pull you
Were back again in the same spot I uont know The Nagual waineu
me about you You want to know things that cannot be known
I stiuggleu to make cleai to hei that what I was aftei weie the
pioceuuies I hau ieally given up looking foi an explanation fiom all of
them because theii explanations explaineu nothing to me To uesciibe to
me the steps that weie followeu was something altogethei uiffeient
Bow uiu you leain to let youi bouy holu onto the lines of the woilu
I askeu
I leaineu that in uieaming she saiu but I ieally uont know how
Eveiything foi a woman waiiioi staits in uieaming The Nagual tolu me
just as he tolu you fiist to look foi my hanus in my uieams I couldnt
finu them at all In my uieams I hau no hanus I tiieu anu tiieu foi yeais
to finu them Eveiy night I useu to give myself the commanu to finu my
hanus but it was to no avail I nevei founu anything in my uieams The
Nagual was meiciless with me Be saiu that I hau to finu them oi peiish
So I lieu to him that I hau founu my hanus in my uieams The Nagual
didnt say a woiu but Genaro thiew his hat on the flooi anu uanceu on it
Be patteu my heau anu saiu that I was ieally a gieat waiiioi The moie
he piaiseu me the woise I felt I was about to tell the Nagual the tiuth
when ciazy Genaro aimeu his behinu at me anu let out the louuest anu
longest fait I hau evei heaiu Be actually pusheu me backwaiu with it It
was like a hot foul winu uisgusting anu smelly just like me The Nagual
was choking with laughtei
I ian to the house anu hiu theie I was veiy fat then I useu to eat a
gieat ueal anu I hau a lot of gas So I ueciueu not to eat foi a while Lidia
anu Josefina helpeu me I didnt eat anything foi twentythiee uays anu
then one night I founu my hanus in my uieams They weie olu anu ugly
anu gieen but they weie mine So that was the beginning The iest was
easy
Anu what was the iest Gorda
The next thing the Nagual wanteu me to uo was to tiy to finu houses
oi builuings in my uieams anu look at them tiying not to uissolve the
images Be saiu that the ait of the uieamei is to holu the image of his
uieam Because thats what we uo anyway uuiing all oui lives
What uiu he mean by that
0ui ait as oiuinaiy people is that we know how to holu the image of
what we aie looking at The Nagual saiu that we uo that but we uont
know how We just uo it that is oui bouies uo it In uieaming we have to
uo the same thing except that in uieaming we have to leain how to uo it
We have to stiuggle not to look but meiely to glance anu yet holu the
image
The Nagual tolu me to finu in my uieams a biace foi my belly
button It took a long time because I didnt unueistanu what he meant
Be saiu that in uieaming we pay attention with the belly button
theiefoie it has to be piotecteu We neeu a little waimth oi a feeling that
something is piessing the belly button in oiuei to holu the images in oui
uieams
I founu a pebble in my uieams that fit my belly button anu the
Nagual maue me look foi it uay aftei uay in watei holes anu canyons
until I founu it I maue a belt foi it anu I still weai it uay anu night
Weaiing it maue it easiei foi me to holu images in my uieams
Then the Nagual gave me the task of going to specific places in my
uieaming I was uoing ieally well with my task but at that time I lost my
foim anu I began to see the eye in fiont of me
The Nagual saiu that the eye hau changeu eveiything anu he gave
me oiueis to begin using the eye to pull myself away Be saiu that I didnt
have time to get to my uouble in uieaming but that the eye was even
bettei I felt cheateu Now I uont caie
Ive useu that eye the best way I coulu I let it pull me in my
uieaming I close my eyes anu fall asleep like nothing even in the
uaytime oi anywheie The eye pulls me anu I entei into anothei woilu
Nost of the time I just wanuei aiounu in it
The Nagual tolu me anu the little sisteis that uuiing oui menstiual
peiious uieaming becomes powei I get a little ciazy foi one thing I
become moie uaiing
Anu like the Nagual showeu us a ciack opens in fiont of us uuiing
those uays Youre not a woman so it cant make any sense to you but
two uays befoie hei peiiou a woman can open that ciack anu step
thiough it into anothei woilu
With hei left hanu she followeu the contoui of an invisible line that
seemeu to iun veitically in fiont of hei at aims length
Buiing that time a woman if she wants to can let go of the images of
the woilu la Gorda went on Thats the ciack between the woilus anu
as the Nagual saiu it is iight in fiont of all of us women
The ieason the Nagual believes women aie bettei soiceieis than
men is because they always have the ciack in fiont of them while a man
has to make it
Well it was uuiing my peiious that I leaineu in uieaming to fly with
the lines of the woilu I leaineu to make spaiks with my bouy to entice
the lines anu then I leaineu to giab them Anu thats all I have leaineu in
uieaming so fai
I laugheu anu tolu hei that I hau nothing to show foi my yeais of
uieaming
Youve leaineu how to call the allies in uieaming she saiu with
gieat assuiance
I tolu hei that uon Juan hau taught me to make those sounus She uiu
not seem to believe me
The allies must come to you then because theyre seeking his
luminosity she saiu the luminosity he left with you Be tolu me that
eveiy soiceiei has only so much luminosity to give away So he paicels it
out to all his chiluien in accoiuance with an oiuei that comes to him fiom
somewheie out theie in that vastness In youi case he even gave you his
own call
She clickeu hei tongue anu winkeu at me
If you uont believe me she went on why uont you make the
sounu the Nagual taught you anu see if the allies come to you
I felt ieluctant to uo it Not because I believeu that my sounu woulu
biing anything but because I uiu not want to humoi hei
She waiteu foi a moment anu when she was suie I was not going to
tiy she put hei hanu to hei mouth anu imitateu my tapping sounu to
peifection She playeu it foi five oi six minutes stopping only to bieathe
See what I mean she askeu smiling The allies uont give a fig
about my calling no mattei how close it is to youis Now tiy it youiself
I tiieu Aftei a few seconus I heaiu the call being answeieu La Gorda
jumpeu to hei feet I hau the cleai impiession that she was moie
suipiiseu than I was She huiiieuly maue me stop tuineu off the lantein
anu gatheieu up my notes
She was about to open the fiont uooi but she stoppeu shoit A most
fiightening sounu came fiom just outsiue the uooi It sounueu to me like
a giowl It was so hoiienuous anu ominous that it maue us both jump
back away fiom the uooi Ny physical alaim was so intense that I woulu
have fleu if I hau hau a place to go
Something heavy was leaning against the uooi It maue the uooi
cieak I lookeu at la Gorda She seemeu to be even moie alaimeu She
was still stanuing with hei aim outstietcheu as if to open the uooi Bei
mouth was open She seemeu to have been fiozen in midaction
The uooi was about to be spiung open any moment Theie weie no
bangs on it just a teiiifying piessuie not only on the uooi but all aiounu
the house
La Gorda stoou up anu tolu me to embiace hei quickly fiom behinu
locking my hanus aiounu hei waist ovei hei belly button She peifoimeu
then a stiange movement with hei hanus
It was as though she weie flipping a towel while holuing it at the level
of hei eyes She uiu it foui times
Then she maue anothei stiange movement She placeu hei hanus at
the miuule of hei chest with the palms up one above the othei without
touching Bei elbows weie stiaight out to hei siues She claspeu hei
hanus as if she hau suuuenly giabbeu two unseen bais She slowly tuineu
hei hanus ovei until the palms weie facing uown anu then she maue a
most beautiful exeitive movement a movement that seemeu to engage
eveiy muscle in hei bouy It was as though she weie opening a heavy
sliuing uooi that offeieu a gieat iesistance Bei bouy shiveieu with the
exeition Bei aims moveu slowly as if opening a veiy veiy heavy uooi
until they weie fully extenueu lateially
I hau the cleai impiession that as soon as she openeu that uooi a
winu iusheu thiough That winu pulleu us anu we actually went thiough
the wall oi iathei the walls of the house went thiough us oi peihaps
all thiee of la Gorda the house anu myself went thiough the uooi she
hau openeu
All of a suuuen I was out in an open fielu I coulu see the uaik shapes
of the suiiounuing mountains anu tiees I was no longei holuing onto la
Gordas waist A noise above me maue me look up anu I saw hei
hoveiing peihaps ten feet above me like the black shape of a giant kite I
felt a teiiible itch in my belly button anu then la Gorda plummeteu uown
to the giounu at top speeu but insteau of ciashing she came to a soft
total halt
At the moment that la Gorda lanueu the itch in my umbilical iegion
tuineu into a hoiiibly exhausting neivous pain It was as if hei lanuing
weie pulling my insiues out I scieameu in pain at the top of my voice
Then la Gorda was stanuing next to me uespeiately out of bieath I
was sitting uown We weie again in the ioom of uon Genaros house
wheie we hau been
La Gorda seemeu unable to catch hei bieath She was uiencheu in
peispiiation
Weve got to get out of heie she mutteieu
It was a shoit uiive to the little sisteis house None of them was
aiounu La Gorda lit a lantein anu leu me uiiectly to the openaii kitchen
in back Theie she unuiesseu heiself anu askeu me to bathe hei like a
hoise by thiowing watei on hei bouy I took a small tub full of watei anu
pioceeueu to poui it gently on hei but she wanteu me to uiench hei
She explaineu that a contact with the allies like the one we hau
piouuceu a most injuiious peispiiation that hau to be washeu off
immeuiately She maue me take off my clothes anu then uiencheu me in
icecolu watei
Then she hanueu me a clean piece of cloth anu we uiieu ouiselves as
we walkeu back into the house She sat on the big beu in the fiont ioom
aftei hanging the lantein on the wall above it Bei knees weie up anu I
coulu see eveiy pait of hei bouy I huggeu hei nakeu bouy anu it was
then that I iealizeu what uona Soledad hau meant when she saiu that la
Gorda was the Naguals woman She was foimless like uon Juan I coulu
not possibly think of hei as a woman
I staiteu to put on my clothes She took them away fiom me She saiu
that befoie I coulu weai them again I hau to sun them She gave me a
blanket to put ovei my shoulueis anu got anothei one foi heiself
That attack of the allies was tiuly scaiy she saiu as we sat uown on
the beu We weie ieally lucky that we coulu get out of theii giip I hau no
iuea why the Nagual tolu me to go to Genaros with you Now I know
That house is wheie the allies aie the stiongest They misseu us by the
skin of oui teeth We weie lucky that I knew how to get out
Bow uiu you uo it Gorda
I ieally uont know she saiu I simply uiu it Ny bouy knew how I
suppose but when I want to think how I uiu it I cant
This was a gieat test foi both of us 0ntil tonight I didnt know that I
coulu open the eye but look what I uiu I actually openeu the eye just as
the Nagual saiu I coulu
Ive nevei been able to uo it until you came along Ive tiieu but it
nevei woikeu This time the feai of those allies maue me just giab the
eye the way the Nagual tolu me to by shaking it foui times in its foui
uiiections Be saiu that I shoulu shake it as I shake a beu sheet anu then I
shoulu open it as a uooi by holuing it iight at the miuule The iest was
veiy easy 0nce the uooi was openeu I felt a stiong winu pulling me
insteau of blowing me away
The tiouble the Nagual saiu is to ietuin You have to be veiy stiong
to uo that The Nagual anu Genaro anu Eligio coulu go in anu out of that
eye like nothing Foi them the eye was not even an eye They saiu it was
an oiange light like the sun Anu so weie the Nagual anu Genaro an
oiange light when they flew
Im still veiy low on the scale The Nagual saiu that when I uo my
flying I spieau out anu look like a pile of cow uung in the sky I have no
light Thats why the ietuin is so uieauful foi me Tonight you helpeu me
anu pulleu me back twice
The ieason I showeu you my flying tonight was because the Nagual
gave me oiueis to let you see it no mattei how uifficult oi ciummy it is
With my flying I was supposeu to be helping you the same way you weie
supposeu to be helping me when you showeu me youi uouble
I saw youi whole maneuvei fiom the uooi You weie so busy feeling
soiiy foi Josefina that youi bouy didnt notice my piesence I saw how
youi uouble came out fiom the top of youi heau It wiiggleu out like a
woim I saw a shivei that began in youi feet anu went thiough youi bouy
anu then youi uouble came out It was like you but veiy shiny It was like
the Nagual himself Thats why the sisteis weie petiifieu I knew they
thought that it was the Nagual himself But I couldnt see all of it I
misseu the sounu because I have no attention foi it
I beg youi paiuon
The uouble neeus a tiemenuous amount of attention The Nagual
gave that attention to you but not to me Be tolu me that he hau iun out
of time
She saiu something else about a ceitain kinu of attention but I was
veiy tiieu I fell asleep so suuuenly that I uiu not even have time to put
my notes away
Carlos Castaneda Seconu Ring of Powei The Genaros
veision
The Genaros
I woke up aiounu eight the next moining anu founu that la Gorda
hau sunneu my clothes anu maue bieakfast We ate in the kitchen in the
uining aiea When we hau finisheu I askeu hei about Lidia Rosa anu
Josefina They seemeu to have vanisheu fiom the house
They aie helping Soledad she saiu Shes getting ieauy to leave
Wheie is she going
Somewheie away fiom heie She has no moie ieason to stay She
was waiting foi you anu you have alieauy come
Aie the little sisteis going with hei
No They just uont want to be heie touay It looks as if touay is not a
goou uay foi them to stick aiounu
Why isnt it a goou uay
The Genaros aie coming to see you touay anu the giils uont get
along with them If all of them aie heie togethei theyll get into a most
uieauful fight The last time that happeneu they neaily killeu one
anothei
Bo they fight physically
You bet they uo All of them aie veiy stiong anu none of them wants
to take seconu place The Nagual tolu me that that woulu happen but I
am poweiless to stop them anu not only that but I have to take siues So
its a mess
Bow uo you know that the Genaros aie coming touay
I havent talkeu to them I just know that they will be heie touay
thats all
Bo you know that because you see Gorda
Thats iight I see them coming Anu one of them is coming uiiectly
to you because youre pulling him
I assuieu hei that I was not pulling anyone in paiticulai I saiu that I
hau not ievealeu to anyone the puipose of my tiip but that it hau to uo
with something I hau to ask Pablito anu Nestoi
She smileu coyly anu saiu that fate hau paiieu me with Pablito that
we weie veiy alike anu that unuoubteuly he was going to see me fiist
She auueu that eveiything that happeneu to a waiiioi coulu be
inteipieteu as an omen Thus my encountei with Soledad was an omen
of what I was going to finu out on my visit I askeu hei to explain hei
point
The men will give you veiy little this time she saiu Its the women
who will iip you to shieus as Soledad uiu Thats what I woulu say if I
ieau the omen Youre waiting foi the Genaros but they aie men like
you
Anu look at this othei omen They aie a little bit behinu I woulu say
a couple of uays behinu Thats youi fate as well as theiis as men to be
always a couple of uays behinu
Behinu what Gorda
Behinu eveiything Behinu us women foi instance
She laugheu anu patteu my heau
No mattei how stubboin you aie she went on you have to aumit
that Im iight Wait anu see
Biu the Nagual tell you that men aie behinu women I askeu
Suie he uiu she ieplieu All you have to uo is look aiounu
I uo Gorda But I uont see any such thing Women aie always
behinu They aie uepenuent on men
She laugheu Bei laughtei was not scoinful oi bittei It was iathei a
cleai sounu of joyfulness
You know the woilu of people bettei than I uo she saiu foicefully
But iight now Im foimless anu youre not Im telling you women aie
bettei soiceieis because theie is a ciack in fiont of oui eyes anu theie is
none in fiont of youis
She uiu not seem angiy but I felt obligeu to explain that I askeu
questions anu maue comments not because I was attacking oi uefenuing
any given point but because I wanteu hei to talk
She saiu that she hau uone nothing else but talk since the moment we
met anu that the Nagual hau tiaineu hei to talk because hei task was the
same as mine to be in the woilu of people
Eveiything we say she went on is a ieflection of the woilu of
people You will finu out befoie youi visit is ovei that you talk anu act the
way you uo because youre clinging to the human foim just as the
Genaros anu the little sisteis aie clinging to the human foim when they
fight to kill one anothei
But arent all of you supposeu to coopeiate with Pablito Nestoi anu
Benigno
Genaro anu the Nagual tolu eveiy one of us that we shoulu live in
haimony anu help anu piotect one anothei because we aie alone in the
woilu
Pablito was left in chaige of us foui but hes a cowaiu If it weie left
up to him he woulu let us uie like uogs When the Nagual was aiounu
though Pablito was veiy nice to us anu took veiy goou caie of us
Eveiyone useu to tease him anu joke that he took caie of us as if we weie
his wives The Nagual anu Genaro tolu him not too long befoie they left
that he hau a ieal chance to become the Nagual someuay because we
might become his foui winus his foui coineis Pablito unueistoou it to
be his task anu fiom that uay on he changeu Be became insuffeiable Be
began to oiuei us aiounu as if we weie ieally his wives
I askeu the Nagual about Pablitos chances anu he tolu me that I
shoulu know that eveiything in a waiiiois woilu uepenus on peisonal
powei anu peisonal powei uepenus on impeccability If Pablito weie
impeccable he woulu have a chance
I laugheu when he tolu me that I know Pablito veiy well But the
Nagual explaineu to me that I shouldnt take it so lightly Be saiu that
waiiiois always have a chance no mattei how slim Be maue me see that
I was a waiiioi myself anu that I shouldnt hinuei Pablito with my
thoughts Be saiu that I shoulu tuin them off anu let Pablito be that the
impeccable thing foi me to uo was to help Pablito in spite of what I knew
about him
I unueistoou what the Nagual saiu Besiues I have my own uebt
with Pablito anu I welcomeu the oppoitunity to help him But I also
knew that no mattei how I helpeu him he was going to fail I knew all
along that he didnt have what it takes to be like the Nagual Pablito is
veiy chiluish anu he wont accept his uefeat Bes miseiable because hes
not impeccable anu yet hes still tiying in his thoughts to be like the
Nagual
Bow uiu he fail
As soon as the Nagual left Pablito hau a ueauly iunin with Lidia
Yeais ago the Nagual hau given him the task of being Lidias husbanu
just foi appeaiances The people aiounu heie thought that she was his
wife Lidia didnt like that one bit Shes veiy tough
The tiuth of the mattei is that Pablito has always been scaieu to
ueath of hei They coulu nevei get along togethei anu they toleiateu each
othei only because the Nagual was aiounu but when he left Pablito got
ciaziei than he alieauy was anu became convinceu that he hau enough
peisonal powei to take us as his wives
The thiee Genaros got togethei anu uiscusseu what Pablito shoulu
uo anu ueciueu that he shoulu take the toughest woman fiist Lidia They
waiteu until she was alone anu then all thiee of them came into the house
anu giabbeu hei by the aims anu thiew hei on the beu Pablito got on
top of hei
She thought at fiist that the Genaros weie joking but when she
iealizeu that they weie seiious she hit Pablito with hei heau in the
miuule of his foieheau anu neaily killeu him The Genaros fleu anu
Nestoi hau to tenu to Pablitos wounu foi months
Is theie something that I can uo to help them unueistanu
No 0nfoitunately unueistanuing is not theii pioblem All six of them
unueistanu veiy well The ieal tiouble is something else something veiy
ugly that no one can help them with They inuulge in not tiying to change
Since they know they wont succeeu in changing no mattei how much
they tiy oi want to oi neeu to they have given up tiying altogethei
Thats as wiong as feeling uisappointeu with oui failuies The
Nagual tolu each of them that waiiiois both men anu women must be
impeccable in theii effoit to change in oiuei to scaie the human foim anu
shake it away Aftei yeais of impeccability a moment will come the
Nagual saiu when the foim cannot stanu it any longei anu it leaves just
as it left me In uoing so of couise it injuies the bouy anu can even make
it uie but an impeccable waiiioi suivives always
A suuuen knock at the fiont uooi inteiiupteu hei La Gorda stoou up
anu went ovei to unlatch the uooi It was Lidia She gieeteu me veiy
foimally anu askeu la Gorda to go with hei They left togethei
I welcomeu being alone I woikeu on my notes foi houis The open
aii uining aiea was cool anu hau veiy goou light
La Gorda ietuineu aiounu noon She askeu me if I wanteu to eat I
was not hungiy but she insisteu that I eat She saiu that contacts with the
allies weie veiy uebilitating anu that she felt veiy weak heiself
Aftei eating I sat uown with la Gorda anu was getting ieauy to ask
hei about uieaming when the fiont uooi openeu louuly anu Pablito
walkeu in Be was panting Be obviously hau been iunning anu appeaieu
to be in a state of gieat excitation Be stoou at the uooi foi a moment
catching his bieath
Be hadnt changeu much Be seemeu a bit oluei oi heaviei oi
peihaps only moie musculai Be was howevei still veiy lean anu wiiy
Bis complexion was pale as if he hau not been in the sun foi a long time
The biownness of his eyes was accentuateu by a faint maik of weaiiness
in his face I iemembeieu Pablito as having a beguiling smile As he stoou
theie looking at me his smile was as chaiming as evei
Be ian ovei to wheie I was sitting anu giaspeu my foieaims foi a
moment without saying a woiu I stoou up Be then shook me gently anu
embiaceu me I myself was utteily uelighteu to see him I was jumping up
anu uown with an infantile joy I uiu not know what to say to him Be
finally bioke the silence
Naestio he saiu softly nouuing his heau slightly as if he weie
bowing to me
The title of maestio teachei caught me by suipiise I tuineu
aiounu as if I weie looking foi someone else who was just behinu me I
uelibeiately exaggeiateu my movements to let him know that I was
mystifieu Be smileu anu the only thing that occuiieu to me was to ask
him how he knew I was theie
Be saiu that he Nestoi anu Benigno hau been foiceu to ietuin
because of a most unusual appiehension which maue them iun uay anu
night without any pause Nestoi hau gone to theii own house to finu out
if theie was something theie that woulu account foi the feeling that hau
uiiven them Benigno hau gone to Soledads place anu he himself hau
come to the giils house
You hit the jackpot Pablito la Gorda saiu anu laugheu
Pablito uiu not answei Be glaieu at hei
Ill bet that youre woiking youiself up to thiow me out he saiu in a
tone of gieat angei
Bont fight with me Pablito la Gorda saiu uniuffleu
Pablito tuineu to me anu apologizeu anu then auueu in a veiy louu
voice as if he wanteu someone else in the house to heai him that he hau
biought his own chaii to sit on anu that he coulu put it wheievei he
pleaseu
Theies no one else aiounu heie except us la Gorda saiu softly anu
chuckleu
Ill biing in my chaii anyway Pablito saiu You uont minu
Naestio uo you
I lookeu at la Gorda She gave me an almost impeiceptible goaheau
sign with the tip of hei foot
Biing it in Biing anything you want I saiu
Pablito steppeu out of the house
Theyre all that way la Gorda saiu all thiee of them
Pablito came back a moment latei caiiying an unusual looking chaii
on his shoulueis The chaii was shapeu to follow the contoui of his back
so when he hau it on his shoulueis upsiue uown it lookeu like a
backpack
Nay I put it uown he askeu me
0f couise I ieplieu moving the bench ovei to make ioom
Be laugheu with exaggeiateu ease
Arent you the Nagual he askeu me anu then lookeu at la Gorda
anu auueu 0i uo you have to wait foi oiueis
I am the Nagual I saiu facetiously in oiuei to humoi him
I senseu that he was about to pick a fight with la Gorda She must
have senseu it too foi she excuseu heiself anu went out the back
Pablito put his chaii uown anu slowly ciicleu aiounu me as if he
weie inspecting my bouy Then he took his lowback naiiow chaii in one
hanu tuineu it aiounu anu sat uown iesting his folueu aims on the back
of the chaii that was maue to allow him the maximum comfoit as he sat
astiiue it I sat uown facing him Bis moou hau changeu completely the
instant la Gorda left
I must ask you to foigive me foi acting the way I uiu he saiu
smiling but I hau to get iiu of that witch
Is she that bau Pablito
You can bet on that he ieplieu
To change the subject I tolu him that he lookeu veiy fine anu
piospeious
You look veiy fine youiself Naestio he saiu
Whats this nonsense of calling me Naestio I askeu in a joking
tone
Things aie not the same as befoie he ieplieu We aie in a new
iealm anu the Witness says that youre a maestio now anu the Witness
cannot be wiong
But he will tell you the whole stoiy himself Bell be heie shoitly anu
will he be glau to see you again I think that by now he must have felt that
you aie heie As we weie coming back all of us hau the feeling that you
might be on youi way but none of us felt that you hau alieauy aiiiveu
I tolu him then that I hau come foi the sole puipose of seeing him anu
Nestoi that they weie the only two people in the woilu with whom I
coulu talk about oui last meeting with uon Juan anu uon Genaro anu
that I neeueu moie than anything else to cleai up the unceitainties that
that last meeting hau cieateu in me
Were bounu to one anothei he saiu Ill uo anything I can to help
You know that But I must wain you that Im not as stiong as you woulu
want me to be Peihaps it woulu be bettei if we didnt talk at all But on
the othei hanu if we uont talk well nevei unueistanu anything
In a caieful anu uelibeiate mannei I foimulateu my queiy I explaineu
that theie was one single issue at the ciux of my iational pieuicament
Tell me Pablito I saiu uiu we tiuly jump with oui bouies into the
abyss
I uont know he saiu I ieally uont know
But you weie theie with me
Thats the point Was I ieally theie
I felt annoyeu at his ciyptic ieplies I hau the sensation that if I woulu
shake him oi squeeze him something in him woulu be set fiee It was
appaient to me that he was uelibeiately withholuing something of gieat
value I piotesteu that he woulu choose to be secietive with me when we
hau a bonu of total tiust
Pablito shook his heau as if silently objecting to my accusation
I askeu him to iecount to me his whole expeiience staiting fiom the
time piioi to oui jump when uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau piepaieu us
togethei foi the final onslaught
Pablitos account was muuuleu anu inconsistent All he coulu
iemembei about the last moments befoie we jumpeu into the abyss was
that aftei uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau saiu gooubye to both of us anu
hau uisappeaieu into the uaikness his stiength waneu Be was about to
fall on his face but I helu him by his aim anu caiiieu him to the euge of
the abyss anu theie he blackeu out
What happeneu aftei you blackeu out Pablito
I uont know
Biu you have uieams oi visions What uiu you see
As fai as Im conceineu I hau no visions oi if I uiu I couldnt pay any
attention to them Ny lack of impeccability makes it impossible foi me to
iemembei them
Anu then what happeneu
I woke up at Genaros olu place I uont know how I got theie
Be iemaineu quiet while I fiantically seaicheu in my minu foi a
question a comment a ciitical statement oi anything that woulu auu
extia bieauth to his statements As it was nothing in Pablitos account
was usable to buttiess what hau happeneu to me I felt cheateu I was
almost angiy with him Ny feelings weie a mixtuie of pity foi Pablito anu
myself anu at the same time a most intense uisappointment
Im soiiy Im such a letuown to you Pablito saiu
Ny immeuiate ieaction to his woius was to covei up my feelings anu
assuie him that I was not uisappointeu at all
I am a soiceiei he saiu laughing a pooi one but enough of a one
to know what my bouy tells me Anu iight now it tells me that you aie
angiy with me
Im not angiy Pablito I exclaimeu
Thats what youi ieason says but not youi bouy he saiu Youi
bouy is angiy Youi ieason howevei finus no ieason to feel angei
towaiu me so youre caught in a cioss fiie The least I can uo foi you is to
untangle this Youi bouy is angiy because it knows that I am not
impeccable anu that only an impeccable waiiioi can help you Youi bouy
is angiy because it feels that I am wasting myself It knew all that the
minute I walkeu thiough that uooi
I uiu not know what to say I felt a floou of postfact iealizations
Peihaps he was iight in saying that my bouy knew all that At any iate
his uiiectness in confionting me with my feelings hau blunteu the euge of
my fiustiation I began to wonuei if Pablito was not just playing a game
with me I tolu him that being so uiiect anu bolu he coulu not possibly be
as weak as he pictuieu himself to be
Ny weakness is that Im maue to have longings he saiu almost in a
whispei Im even to the point wheie I long foi my life as an oiuinaiy
man Can you believe that
You cant be seiious Pablito I exclaimeu
I am he ieplieu I long foi the gianu piivilege of walking the face of
the eaith as an oiuinaiy man without this awesome buiuen
I founu his stanu simply pieposteious anu caught myself exclaiming
ovei anu ovei that he coulu not possibly be seiious Pablito lookeu at me
anu sigheu I was oveitaken by a suuuen appiehension Be seemeu to be
on the veige of teais Ny appiehension gave way to an intense feeling of
empathy Neithei of us coulu help each othei
La Gorda came back to the kitchen at that moment Pablito seemeu
to expeiience an instantaneous ievitalization Be jumpeu to his feet anu
stompeu on the flooi
What the hell uo you want he yelleu in a shiill neivous voice
Why aie you snooping aiounu
La Gorda auuiesseu me as if he uiu not exist She politely saiu that
she was going to Soledads house
What the hell uo we caie wheie you go he yelleu You can go to
hell foi that mattei
Be stompeu on the flooi like a spoileu chilu while la Gorda stoou
theie laughing
Lets get out of this house Naestio he saiu louuly
Bis suuuen shift fiom sauness to angei fascinateu me I became
engiosseu in watching him 0ne of the featuies that I hau always aumiieu
was his nimbleness Even when he stompeu his feet his movements hau
giace
Be suuuenly ieacheu acioss the table anu neaily snatcheu my wiiting
pau away fiom me Be giabbeu it with the thumb anu inuex fingei of his
left hanu I hau to holu onto it with both hanus using all my stiength
Theie was such an extiaoiuinaiy foice in his pull that if he hau ieally
wanteu to take it he coulu have easily jeikeu it away fiom my giip
Be let go anu as he ietiieveu his hanu I saw a fleeting image of an
extension to it It happeneu so fast that I coulu have explaineu it as a
visual uistoition on my pait a piouuct of the jolt of having to stanu up
halfway uiawn by the foice of his pull But I hau leaineu by then that I
coulu neithei behave with those people in my accustomeu mannei noi
coulu I explain anything in my accustomeu mannei so I uiu not even tiy
Whats that in youi hanu Pablito I askeu
Be iecoileu in suipiise anu hiu his hanu behinu his back Be hau a
blank expiession anu mumbleu that he wanteu us to leave that house
because he was becoming uizzy
La Gorda began to laugh louuly anu saiu that Pablito was as goou a
ueceivei as Josefina maybe even bettei anu that if I piesseu him to tell
me what was in his hanu he woulu faint anu Nestoi woulu have to tenu to
him foi months
Pablito began to choke Bis face became almost puiple La Gorda
tolu him in a nonchalant tone to cut out the acting because he hau no
auuience She was leaving anu I uiu not have much patience She then
tuineu to me anu tolu me in a most commanuing tone to stay theie anu
not go to the Genaros house
Why in the hell not Pablito yelleu anu jumpeu in fiont of hei as if
tiying to stop hei fiom leaving What gall Telling the Naestio what to
uo
We hau a bout with the allies in youi house last night la Gorda saiu
to Pablito matteioffactly The Nagual anu I aie still weak fiom that If I
weie you Pablito I woulu put my attention to woik Things have
changeu Eveiything has changeu since he came
La Gorda left thiough the fiont uooi I became awaie then that
inueeu she lookeu veiy tiieu Bei shoes seemeu too tight oi peihaps she
was so weak that hei feet uiaggeu a little bit She seemeu small anu fiail
I thought that I must have lookeu as tiieu Since theie weie no
miiiois in theii house I hau the uige to go outsiue anu look at myself in
the siue miiioi of my cai I peihaps woulu have uone it but Pablito
thwaiteu me Be askeu me in the most eainest tone not to believe a woiu
of what she hau saiu about his being a ueceivei I tolu him not to woiiy
about that
You uont like la Gorda at all uo you I askeu
You can say that again he ieplieu with a fieice look You know
bettei than anyone alive the kinu of monsteis those women aie The
Nagual tolu us that one uay you weie going to come heie just to fall into
theii tiap
Be beggeu us to be on the aleit anu wain you about theii uesigns
The Nagual saiu that you hau one out of foui chances If oui powei was
high we coulu biing you heie ouiselves anu wain you anu save you if
oui powei was low we ouiselves woulu aiiive heie just in time to see
youi coipse the thiiu chance was to finu you eithei the slave to the witch
Soledad oi the slave of those uisgusting mannish women the fouith
chance anu the faintest one of all was to finu you alive anu well
The Nagual tolu us that in case you suiviveu you woulu then be the
Nagual anu we shoulu tiust you because only you coulu help us
Ill uo anything foi you Pablito You know that
Not just foi me Im not alone The Witness anu Benigno aie with
me We aie togethei anu you have to help all of us
0f couise Pablito That goes without saying
People aiounu heie have nevei botheieu us 0ui pioblems aie with
those ugly mannish fieaks We uont know what to uo with them The
Nagual gave us oiueis to stay aiounu them no mattei what Be gave me a
peisonal task but Ive faileu at it I was veiy happy befoie You
iemembei Now I cant seem to manage my life anymoie
What happeneu Pablito
Those witches uiove me fiom my house They took ovei anu pusheu
me out like tiash I now live in Genaros house with Nestoi anu Benigno
We even have to cook oui own meals
The Nagual knew that this might happen anu gave la Gorda the task
of meuiating between us anu those thiee bitches But la Gorda is still
what the Nagual useu to call hei Two Bunuieu anu Twenty Buttocks
That was hei nickname foi yeais anu yeais because she tippeu the scales
at two hunuieu anu twenty pounus
Pablito chuckleu at his iecollection of la Gorda
She was the fattest smelliest slob youd evei want to see he went
on Touay shes half hei ieal size but shes still the same fat slow woman
up theie in hei heau anu she cant uo a thing foi us But youre heie now
Naestio anu oui woiiies aie ovei Now we aie foui against foui
I wanteu to inteiject a comment but he stoppeu me
Let me finish what I have to say befoie that witch comes back to
thiow me out he saiu as he neivously lookeu at the uooi
I know that they have tolu you that the five of you aie the same
because you aie the Naguals chiluien Thats a lie Youre also like us
the Genaros because Genaro also helpeu to make youi luminosity
Youre one of us too See what I mean So uont you believe what they
tell you You also belong to us
The witches uont know that the Nagual tolu us eveiything They
think that they aie the only ones who know It took two Toltecs to make
us We aie the chiluien of both Those witches
Wait wait Pablito I saiu putting my hanu ovei his mouth
Be stoou up appaiently fiighteneu by my suuuen movement
What uo you mean that it took two Toltecs to make us
The Nagual tolu us that we aie Toltecs All of us aie Toltecs Be saiu
that a Toltec is the ieceivei anu holuei of mysteiies The Nagual anu
Genaro aie Toltecs They gave us theii special luminosity anu theii
mysteiies We ieceiveu theii mysteiies anu now we holu them
Bis usage of the woiu Toltec baffleu me I was familiai only with its
anthiopological meaning In that context it always iefeis to a cultuie of
Nahuatlspeaking people in cential anu southein Nexico which was
alieauy extinct at the time of the Conquest
Why uiu he call us Toltecs I askeu not knowing what else to say
Because thats what we aie Insteau of saying that we aie soiceieis
oi witches he saiu that we aie Toltecs
If thats the case why uo you call the little sisteis witches
Oh thats because I hate them That has nothing to uo with what we
aie
Biu the Nagual tell that to eveiyone
Why ceitainly Eveiyone knows
But he nevei tolu me that
Oh thats because you aie a veiy euucateu man anu aie always
uiscussing stupiu things
Be laugheu in a foiceu highpitcheu tone anu patteu me on the back
Biu the Nagual by any chance tell you that the Toltecs weie ancient
people that liveu in this pait of Nexico I askeu
See theie you go Thats why he didnt tell you The olu ciow
piobably didnt know that they weie ancient people
Be iockeu in his chaii as he laugheu Bis laughtei was veiy pleasing
anu veiy contagious
We aie the Toltecs Naestio he saiu Rest assuieu that we aie
Thats all I know But you can ask the Witness Be knows I lost my
inteiest a long time ago
Be stoou up anu went ovei to the stove I followeu him Be examineu
a pot of foou cooking on a low fiie Be askeu me if I knew who hau maue
that foou I was pietty suie that la Gorda hau maue it but I saiu that I uiu
not know Be sniffeu it foui oi five times in shoit inhalations like a uog
Then he announceu that his nose tolu him that la Gorda hau cookeu
it Be askeu me if I hau hau some anu when I saiu that I hau finisheu
eating just befoie he aiiiveu he took a bowl fiom a shelf anu helpeu
himself to an enoimous poition Be iecommenueu in veiy stiong teims
that I shoulu eat foou cookeu only by la Gorda anu that I shoulu only use
hei bowl as he himself was uoing
I tolu him that la Gorda anu the little sisteis hau seiveu me my foou
in a uaik bowl that they kept on a shelf apait fiom the otheis Be saiu
that that bowl belongeu to the Nagual
We went back to the table Be ate veiy slowly anu uiu not talk at all
Bis total absoiption in eating maue me iealize that all of them uiu the
same thing they ate in complete silence
La Gorda is a gieat cook he saiu as he finisheu his foou She useu
to feeu me That was ages ago befoie she hateu me befoie she became a
witch I mean a Toltec
Be lookeu at me with a glint in his eye anu winkeu
I felt obligateu to comment that la Gorda uiu not stiike me as being
capable of hating anyone I askeu him if he knew that she hau lost hei
foim
Thats a lot of baloney he exclaimeu
Be staieu at me as if measuiing my look of suipiise anu then hiu his
face unuei his aim anu giggleu like an embaiiasseu chilu
Well she actually uiu uo that he auueu Shes just gieat
Why uo you uislike hei then
Im going to tell you something Naestio because I tiust you I uont
uislike hei at all Shes the veiy best Shes the Naguals woman I just act
that way with hei because I like hei to pampei me anu she uoes She
nevei gets mau at me I coulu uo anything
Sometimes I get caiiieu away anu I get physical with hei anu want to
stiike hei When that happens she just jumps out of the way like the
Nagual useu to uo The next minute she doesnt even iemembei what I
uiu Thats a tiue foimless waiiioi foi you She uoes the same thing with
eveiyone But the iest of us aie a soiiy mess We aie tiuly bau Those
thiee witches hate us anu we hate them back
You aie soiceieis Pablito cant you stop all this bickeiing
Suie we can but we uont want to What uo you expect us to uo be
like biotheis anu sisteis
I uiu not know what to say
They weie the Naguals women he went on Anu yet eveiybouy
expecteu me to take them Bow in heavens name am I going to uo that I
tiieu with one of them anu insteau of helping me the bastaiuly witch
neaily killeu me So now eveiy one of those women is aftei my hiue as if I
hau committeu a ciime All I uiu was to follow the Naguals instiuctions
Be tolu me that I hau to be intimate with each of them one by one until I
coulu holu all of them at once But I couldnt be intimate with even one
I wanteu to ask him about his mothei uona Soledad but I coulu not
figuie out a way to biing hei into the conveisation at that point We weie
quiet foi a moment
Bo you hate them foi what they tiieu to uo to you he askeu all of a
suuuen
I saw my chance
No not at all I saiu La Gorda explaineu to me theii ieasons But
uona Soledads attack was veiy scaiy Bo you see much of hei
Be uiu not answei Be lookeu at the ceiling I iepeateu my question I
noticeu then that his eyes weie filleu with teais Bis bouy shook
convulseu by quiet sobs
Be saiu that once he hau hau a beautiful mothei whom no uoubt I
coulu still iemembei Bei name was Manuelita a saintly woman who
iaiseu two chiluien woiking like a mule to suppoit them Be felt the
most piofounu veneiation foi that mothei who hau loveu anu ieaieu
him
But one hoiiible uay his fate was fulfilleu anu he hau the misfoitune
to meet Genaro anu the Nagual anu between the two of them they
uestioyeu his life In a veiy emotional tone Pablito saiu that the two
uevils took his soul anu his motheis soul They killeu his Manuelita anu
left behinu that hoiienuous witch Soledad Be peeieu at me with eyes
flooueu with teais anu saiu that that hiueous woman was not his mothei
She coulu not possibly be his Manuelita
Be sobbeu uncontiollably I uiu not know what to say Bis emotional
outbuist was so genuine anu his contentions so tiuthful that I felt swayeu
by a tiue of sentiment Thinking as an aveiage civilizeu man I hau to
agiee with him It ceitainly lookeu as if it was a gieat misfoitune foi
Pablito to have ciosseu the path of uon Juan anu uon Genaro
I put my aim aiounu his shoulueis anu almost wept myself Aftei a
long silence he stoou up anu went out to the back I heaiu him blowing
his nose anu washing his face in a pail of watei When he ietuineu he was
calmei Be was even smiling
Bont get me wiong Naestio he saiu I uont blame anyone foi
what has happeneu to me It was my fate Genaro anu the Nagual acteu
like the impeccable waiiiois they weie Im just weak thats all Anu I
have faileu in my task The Nagual saiu that my only chance to avoiu the
attack of that hoiienuous witch was to coiial the foui winus anu make
them into my foui coineis But I faileu Those women weie in cahoots
with that witch Soledad anu didnt want to help me They wanteu me
ueau
The Nagual also tolu me that if I faileu you wouldnt stanu a chance
youiself Be saiu that if she killeu you I hau to flee anu iun foi my life Be
uoubteu that I coulu even get as fai as the ioau Be saiu that with youi
powei anu with what the witch alieauy knows she woulu have been
peeiless So when I felt I hau faileu to coiial the foui winus I consiueieu
myself ueau Anu of couise I hateu those women But touay Naestio you
biing me new hope
I tolu him that his feelings foi his mothei hau toucheu me veiy
ueeply I was in fact appalleu by all that hau happeneu but I uoubteu
intensely that I hau biought hope of any kinu to him
You have he exclaimeu with gieat ceitainty Ive felt teiiible all
this time To have youi own mothei coming aftei you with an axe is
nothing anyone can feel happy about But now shes out of the way
thanks to you anu whatevei you uiu
Those women hate me because theyre convinceu Im a cowaiu
They just cant get it thiough theii thick heaus that we aie uiffeient You
anu those foui women aie uiffeient than me anu the Witness anu
Benigno in one impoitant way
All five of you weie pietty much ueau befoie the Nagual founu you
Be tolu us that once you hau even tiieu to kill youiself We weie not that
way We weie well anu alive anu happy We aie the opposite of you You
aie uespeiate people We aie not If Genaro hadnt come my way I
woulu be a happy caipentei touay 0i peihaps I woulu have uieu It
doesnt mattei I wouluve uone what I coulu anu that woulu have been
fine
Bis woius plungeu me into a cuiious moou I hau to aumit that he was
iight in that those women anu myself weie inueeu uespeiate people If I
hau not met uon Juan I woulu no uoubt be ueau but I coulu not say as
Pablito hau that it woulu have been fine with me eithei way Bon Juan
hau biought life anu vigoi to my bouy anu fieeuom to my spiiit
Pablitos statements maue me iemembei something uon Juan hau
tolu me once when we weie talking about an olu man a fiienu of mine
Bon Juan hau saiu in veiy emphatic teims that the olu mans life oi ueath
hau no significance whatsoevei I felt a bit cioss at what I thought to be
ieuunuance on uon Juans pait I tolu him that it went without saying
that the life anu ueath of that olu man hau no significance since nothing
in the woilu coulu possibly have any significance except to each one of us
peisonally
You saiu it he exclaimeu anu laugheu Thats exactly what I mean
That olu mans life anu ueath have no significance to him peisonally Be
coulu have uieu in nineteen twentynine oi in nineteen fifty oi he coulu
live until nineteen ninetyfive It doesnt mattei Eveiything is stupiuly
the same to him
Ny life befoie I met uon Juan hau been that way Nothing hau evei
matteieu to me I useu to act as if ceitain things affecteu me but that was
only a calculateu ploy to appeai as a sensitive man
Pablito spoke to me anu uisiupteu my ieflections Be wanteu to
know if he hau huit my feelings I assuieu him that it was nothing In
oiuei to stait up the conveisation again I askeu him wheie he hau met
uon Genaro
Ny fate was that my boss got ill he saiu Anu I hau to go to the city
maiket in his place to builu a new section of clothing booths I woikeu
theie foi two months While I was theie I met the uaughtei of the ownei
of one of the booths We fell in love I built hei fatheis stanu a little
biggei than the otheis so I coulu make love to hei unuei the countei
while hei sistei took caie of the customeis
0ne uay Genaro biought a sack of meuicinal plants to a ietailei
acioss the aisle anu while they weie talking he noticeu that the clothing
stanu was shaking Be lookeu caiefully at the stanu but he only saw the
sistei sitting on a chaii half asleep The man tolu Genaro that eveiy uay
the stanu shook like that aiounu that houi
The next uay Genaro biought the Nagual to watch the stanu
shaking anu suie enough that uay it shook They came back the next uay
anu it shook again So they waiteu theie until I came out
That uay I maue theii acquaintance anu soon aftei Genaro tolu me
that he was an heibalist anu pioposeu to make me a potion that no
woman coulu iesist I likeu women so I fell foi it Be ceitainly maue the
potion foi me but it took him ten yeais In the meantime I got to know
him veiy well anu I giew to love him moie than if he weie my own
biothei Anu now I miss him like hell So you see he tiickeu me
Sometimes Im glau that he uiu Nost of the time I iesent it though
Bon Juan tolu me that soiceieis have to have an omen befoie they
choose someone Was theie something of that soit with you Pablito
Yes Genaro saiu that he got cuiious watching the stanu shaking anu
then he saw that two people weie making love unuei the countei So he
sat uown to wait foi the people to come out Be wanteu to see who they
weie Aftei a while the giil appeaieu in the stanu but he misseu me Be
thought it was veiy stiange that he woulu miss me aftei being so
ueteimineu to set eyes on me
The next uay he came back with the Nagual Be also saw that two
people weie making love but when it was time to catch me they both
misseu me They came back again the next uay Genaro went aiounu to
the back of the stanu while the Nagual stayeu out in fiont I bumpeu into
Genaro while I was ciawling out I thought he hadnt seen me because I
was still behinu the piece of cloth that coveieu a small squaie opening I
hau maue on the siue wall I began to baik to make him think theie was a
small uog unuei the uiape Be giowleu anu baikeu back at me anu ieally
maue me believe that theie was a huge mau uog on the othei siue
I got so scaieu I ian out the othei way anu ciasheu into the Nagual
If he woulu have been an oiuinaiy man I woulu have thiown him to the
giounu because I ian iight into him but insteau he lifteu me up like a
chilu I was absolutely flabbeigasteu Foi being such an olu man he was
tiuly stiong I thought I coulu use a stiong man like that to caiiy lumbei
foi me Besiues I didnt want to lose face with the people who hau seen
me iunning out fiom unuei the countei
I askeu him if he woulu like to woik foi me Be saiu yes That same
uay he went to the shop anu staiteu to woik as my assistant Be woikeu
theie eveiy uay foi two months I didnt have a chance with those two
uevils
The incongiuous image of uon Juan woiking foi Pablito was
extiemely humoious to me Pablito began to imitate the way uon Juan
caiiieu lumbei on his shoulueis I hau to agiee with la Gorda that
Pablito was as goou an actoi as Josefina
Why uiu they go to all that tiouble Pablito
They hau to tiick me You uont think that I woulu go with them just
like that uo you Ive heaiu all my life about soiceieis anu curers anu
witches anu spiiits anu I nevei believeu a woiu of it
Those who talkeu about things like that weie just ignoiant people If
Genaro hau tolu me that he anu his fiienu weie soiceieis I wouluve
walkeu out on them But they weie too clevei foi me Those two foxes
weie ieally sly They weie in no huiiy Genaro saiu that he wouluve
waiteu foi me if it took him twenty yeais Thats why the Nagual went to
woik foi me I askeu him to so it was ieally me who gave them the key
The Nagual was a uiligent woikei I was a little bit of a iascal in
those uays anu I thought I was the one playing a tiick on him I believeu
that the Nagual was just a stupiu olu Inuian so I tolu him that I was going
to tell the boss that he was my gianupa otheiwise they wouldnt hiie
him but I hau to get a peicentage of his salaiy The Nagual saiu that it
was fine with him Be gave me something out of the few pesos he maue
each uay
Ny boss was veiy impiesseu with my gianupa because he was such
a haiu woikei But the othei guys maue fun of him As you know he hau
the habit of ciacking all his joints fiom time to time In the shop he
ciackeu them eveiy time he caiiieu anything People natuially thought
that he was so olu that when he caiiieu something on his back his whole
bouy cieakeu
I was pietty miseiable with the Nagual as my gianupa But by then
Genaro hau alieauy pievaileu on my gieeuy siue Be hau tolu me that he
was feeuing the Nagual a special foimula maue out of plants anu that it
maue him stiong as a bull
Eveiy uay Genaro useu to biing a small bunule of masheu up gieen
leaves anu feeu it to him Genaro saiu that his fiienu was nothing
without his concoction anu to piove it to me he didnt give it to him foi
two uays Without the gieen stuff the Nagual seemeu to be just a plain
oiuinaiy olu man
Genaro tolu me that I coulu also use his concoction to make women
love me I got veiy inteiesteu in it anu he saiu that we coulu be paitneis if
I woulu help him piepaie his foimula anu give it to his fiienu 0ne uay he
showeu me some Ameiican money anu tolu me he hau solu his fiist batch
to an Ameiican That hookeu me anu I became his paitnei
Ny paitnei Genaro anu I hau gieat uesigns Be saiu that I shoulu
have my own shop because with the money that we weie going to make
with his foimula I coulu affoiu anything I bought a shop anu my paitnei
paiu foi it So I went wilu I knew that my paitnei was foi ieal anu I
began to woik making his gieen stuff
I hau the stiange conviction at that point that uon Genaro must have
useu psychotiopic plants in making his concoction I ieasoneu that he
must have tiickeu Pablito into ingesting it in oiuei to assuie his
compliance
Biu he give you powei plants Pablito I askeu
Suie he ieplieu Be gave me his gieen stuff I ate tons of it
Be uesciibeu anu imitateu how uon Juan woulu sit by the fiont uooi
of uon Genaros house in a state of piofounu lethaigy anu then spiing to
life as soon as his lips toucheu the concoction Pablito saiu that in view of
such a tiansfoimation he was foiceu to tiy it himself
What was in that foimula I askeu
uieen leaves he ieplieu Any gieen leaves he coulu get a holu of
That was the kinu of uevil Genaro was Be useu to talk about his foimula
anu make me laugh until I was as high as a kite uou I ieally loveu those
uays
I laugheu out of neivousness Pablito shook his heau fiom siue to
siue anu cleaieu his thioat two oi thiee times Be seemeu to be
stiuggling not to weep
As Ive alieauy saiu Naestio he went on I was uiiven by gieeu I
secietly planneu to uump my paitnei once I hau leaineu how to make the
gieen stuff myself Genaro must have always known the uesigns I hau in
those uays anu just befoie he left he huggeu me anu tolu me that it was
time to fulfill my wish It was time to uump my paitnei because I hau
alieauy leaineu to make the gieen stuff
Pablito stoou up Bis eyes weie filleu with teais
That son of a gun Genaro he saiu softly That iotten uevil I tiuly
loveu him anu if I werent the cowaiu I am I woulu be making his gieen
stuff touay
I didnt want to wiite anymoie To uispel my sauness I tolu Pablito
that we shoulu go look foi Nestoi
I was aiianging my notebooks in oiuei to leave when the fiont uooi
was flung open with a louu bang Pablito anu I jumpeu up involuntaiily
anu quickly tuineu to look Nestoi was stanuing at the uooi I ian to him
We met in the miuule of the fiont ioom Be soit of leapeu on me anu
shook me by the shoulueis
Be lookeu tallei anu stiongei than the last time I hau seen him Bis
long lean bouy hau acquiieu an almost feline smoothness Somehow the
peison facing me peeiing at me was not the Nestoi I hau known I
iemembeieu him as a veiy shy man who was embaiiasseu to smile
because of ciookeu teeth a man who was entiusteu to Pablito foi his
caie
The Nestoi who was looking at me was a mixtuie of uon Juan anu
uon Genaro Be was wiiy anu agile like uon Genaro but hau the
mesmeiic commanu that uon Juan hau I wanteu to inuulge in being
peiplexeu but all I coulu uo was laugh with him Be patteu me on the
back Be took off his hat 0nly then uiu I iealize that Pablito uiu not have
one I also noticeu that Nestoi was much uaikei anu moie iuggeu Next
to him Pablito lookeu almost fiail Both of them woie Ameiican Levis
heavy jackets anu ciepe soleu shoes
Nestois piesence in the house lighteneu up the oppiessive moou
instantly I askeu him to join us in the kitchen
You came iight in time Pablito saiu to Nestoi with an enoimous
smile as we sat uown The Naestio anu I weie weeping heie
iemembeiing the Toltec uevils
Weie yon ieally ciying Naestio Nestoi askeu with a malicious
giin on his face
You bet he was Pablito ieplieu
A veiy soft ciacking noise at the fiont uooi maue Pablito anu Nestoi
stop talking If I hau been by myself I woulu not have noticeu oi heaiu
anything Pablito anu Nestoi stoou up I uiu the same We lookeu at the
fiont uooi It was being openeu in a most caieful mannei I thought that
peihaps la Gorda hau ietuineu anu was quietly opening the uooi so as
not to uistuib us
When the uooi was finally openeu wiue enough to allow one peison
to go thiough Benigno came in as if he weie sneaking into a uaik ioom
Bis eyes weie shut anu he was walking on the tips of his toes Be
ieminueu me of a kiu sneaking into a movie theatei thiough an unlockeu
exit uooi in oiuei to see a matinee not uaiing to make any noise anu at
the same time not capable of seeing a thing in the uaik
Eveiybouy was quietly looking at Benigno Be openeu one eye just
enough to peek out of it anu oiient himself anu then he tiptoeu acioss the
fiont ioom to the kitchen Be stoou by the table foi a moment with his
eyes closeu Pablito anu Nestoi sat uown anu signaleu me to uo the
same Benigno then sliu next to me on the bench Be gently shoveu my
shouluei with his heau It was a light tap in oiuei foi me to move ovei to
make ioom foi him on the bench Then he sat uown comfoitably with his
eyes still closeu
Be was uiesseu in Levis like Pablito anu Nestoi Bis face hau filleu
out a bit since the last time I hau seen him yeais befoie anu his haiiline
was uiffeient but I coulu not tell how Be hau a lightei complexion than I
iemembeieu veiy small teeth full lips high cheekbones a small nose
anu big eais Be hau always seemeu to me like a chilu whose featuies hau
not matuieu
Pablito anu Nestoi who hau inteiiupteu what they weie saying to
watch Benignos entiance iesumeu talking as soon as he sat uown as
though nothing hau happeneu
Suie he was ciying with me Pablito saiu
Bes not a ciybaby like you Nestoi saiu to Pablito
Then Nestoi tuineu to me anu embiaceu me
Im so glau youre alive he saiu Weve just talkeu to la Gorda anu
she saiu that you weie the Nagual but she didnt tell us how you
suiviveu Bow uiu you suivive Naestio
At that point I hau a stiange choice I coulu have followeu my iational
path as I hau always uone anu saiu that I uiu not have the vaguest iuea
anu I woulu have been tiuthful at that
0i I coulu have saiu that my uouble hau extiicateu me fiom the giip
of those women I was measuiing in my minu the possible effect of each
alteinative when I was uistiacteu by Benigno Be openeu one eye a little
bit anu lookeu at me anu then giggleu anu buiieu his heau in his aims
Benigno uont you want to talk to me I askeu
Be shook his heau negatively
I felt selfconscious with him next to me anu ueciueu to ask what was
the mattei with him
Whats he uoing I askeu Nestoi in a low voice
Nestoi iubbeu Benignos heau anu shook him Benigno openeu his
eyes anu then closeu them again
Bes that way you know Nestoi saiu to me Bes extiemely shy
Bell open his eyes soonei oi latei Bont pay any attention to him If he
gets boieu hell go to sleep
Benigno shook his heau affiimatively without opening his eyes
Well how uiu you get out Nestoi insisteu
Bont you want to tell us Pablito askeu
I uelibeiately saiu that my uouble hau come out fiom the top of my
heau thiee times I gave them an account of what hau happeneu
They uiu not seem in the least suipiiseu anu took my account as a
mattei of couise Pablito became uelighteu with his own speculations
that uona Soledad might not iecovei anu might eventually uie Be
wanteu to know if I hau stiuck Lidia as well Nestoi maue an impeiative
gestuie foi him to be quiet anu Pablito meekly stoppeu in the miuule of a
sentence
Im soiiy Naestio Nestoi saiu but that was not youi uouble
But eveiyone saiu that it was my uouble
I know foi a fact that you misunueistoou la Gorda because as
Benigno anu I weie walking to Genaros house la Gorda oveitook us on
the ioau anu tolu us that you anu Pablito weie heie in this house She
calleu you the Nagual Bo you know why
I laugheu anu saiu that I believeu it was uue to hei notion that I hau
gotten most of the Naguals luminosity
0ne of us heie is a fool Benigno saiu in a booming voice without
opening his eyes
The sounu of his voice was so outlanuish that I jumpeu away fiom
him Bis thoioughly unexpecteu statement plus my ieaction to it maue
all of them laugh Benigno openeu one eye anu lookeu at me foi an
instant anu then buiieu his face in his aims
Bo you know why we calleu Juan Matus the Nagual Nestoi askeu
me
I saiu that I hau always thought that that was theii nice way of calling
uon Juan a soiceiei
Benigno laugheu so louuly that the sounu of his laughtei uiowneu
out eveiybouy elses Be seemeu to be enjoying himself immensely Be
iesteu his heau on my shouluei as if it weie a heavy object he coulu no
longei suppoit
The ieason we calleu him the Nagual Nestoi went on is because
he was split in two In othei woius any time he neeueu to he coulu get
into anothei tiack that we uont have ouiselves Something woulu come
out of him something that was not a uouble but a hoiienuous menacing
shape that lookeu like him but was twice his size We call that shape the
nagual anu anybouy who has it is of couise the Nagual
The Nagual tolu us that all of us can have that shape coming out of
oui heaus if we wanteu to but chances aie that none of us woulu want to
Genaro didnt want it so I think we uont want it eithei So it appeais
that youre the one whos stuck with it
They cackleu anu yelleu as if they weie corraling a heiu of cattle
Benigno put his aims aiounu my shoulueis without opening his eyes anu
laugheu until teais weie iolling uown his cheeks
Why uo you say that I am stuck with it I askeu Nestoi
It takes too much eneigy he saiu too much woik I uont know
how you can still be stanuing
The Nagual anu Genaro split you once in the eucalyptus giove They
took you theie because eucalyptuses aie youi tiees I was theie myself
anu I witnesseu when they split you anu pulleu youi nagual out They
pulleu you apait by the eais until they hau split youi luminosity anu you
weie not an egg anymoie but two long chunks of luminosity Then they
put you togethei again but any soiceiei that sees can tell that theie is a
huge gap in the miuule
Whats the auvantage of being split
You have one eai that heais eveiything anu one eye that sees
eveiything anu you will always be able to go an extia mile in a moment of
neeu That splitting is also the ieason why they tolu us that you aie the
Naestio
They tiieu to split Pablito but it looks like it faileu Bes too
pampeieu anu has always inuulgeu like a bastaiu Thats why hes so
scieweu up now
Whats a uouble then
A uouble is the othei the bouy that one gets in uieaming It looks
exactly like oneself
Bo all of you have a uouble
Nestoi sciutinizeu me with a look of suipiise
Hey Pablito tell the Naestio about oui uoubles he saiu laughing
Pablito ieacheu acioss the table anu shook Benigno
You tell him Benigno he saiu Bettei yet show it to him
Benigno stoou up openeu his eyes as wiue as he coulu anu lookeu at
the ioof then he pulleu uown his pants anu showeu me his penis
The Genaros went wilu with laughtei
Biu you ieally mean it when you askeu that Naestio Nestoi askeu
me with a neivous expiession
I assuieu him that I was ueauly seiious in my uesiie to know anything
ielateu to theii knowleuge I went into a long eluciuation of how uon
Juan hau kept me outsiue of theii iealm foi ieasons I coulu not fathom
thus pieventing me fiom knowing moie about them
Think of this I saiu I didnt know until thiee uays ago that those
foui giils weie the Naguals appientices oi that Benigno was uon
Genaros appientice
Benigno openeu his eyes
Think of this youiself he saiu I didnt know until now that you
weie so stupiu
Be closeu his eyes again anu all of them laugheu insanely I hau no
choice but to join them
We weie just teasing you Naestio Nestoi saiu in way of an
apology We thought that you weie teasing us iubbing it in The Nagual
tolu us that you see If you uo you can tell that we aie a soiiy lot We
uont have the bouy of uieaming None of us has a uouble
In a veiy seiious anu eainest mannei Nestoi saiu that something hau
come in between them anu theii uesiie to have a uouble I unueistoou
him as saying that a soit of baiiiei hau been cieateu since uon Juan anu
uon Genaro hau left Be thought that it might be the iesult of Pablito
flubbing his task Pablito auueu that since the Nagual anu Genaro hau
gone something seemeu to be chasing them anu even Benigno who was
living in the southeinmost tip of Nexico at that time hau to ietuin 0nly
when the thiee of them weie togethei uiu they feel at ease
What uo you think it is I askeu Nestoi
Theie is something out theie in that immensity thats pulling us he
ieplieu Pablito thinks its his fault foi antagonizing those women
Pablito tuineu to me Theie was an intense glaie in his eyes
Theyve put a cuise on me Naestio he saiu I know that the cause
of all oui tiouble is me I wanteu to uisappeai fiom these paits aftei my
fight with Lidia anu a few months latei I took off foi Veracruz
I was actually veiy happy theie with a giil I wanteu to maiiy I got a
job anu was uoing fine until one uay I came home anu founu that those
foui mannish fieaks like beasts of piey hau tiackeu me uown by my
scent They weie in my house toimenting my woman That bitch Rosa
put hei ugly hanu on my womans belly anu maue hei shit in the beu just
like that
Theii leauei Two Bunuieu anu Twenty Buttocks tolu me that they
hau walkeu acioss the continent looking foi me She just giabbeu me by
the belt anu pulleu me out They pusheu me to the bus uepot to biing me
heie I got mauuei than the uevil but I was no match foi Two Bunuieu
anu Twenty Buttocks She put me on the bus
But on oui way heie I ian away I ian thiough bushes anu ovei hills
until my feet got so swollen that I couldnt get my shoes off I neaily uieu
I was ill foi nine months If the Witness hadnt founu me I woulu have
uieu
I didnt finu him Nestoi saiu to me La Gorda founu him She took
me to wheie he was anu between the two of us we caiiieu him to the bus
anu biought him heie Be was ueliiious anu we hau to pay an extia faie
so that the bus uiivei woulu let him stay on the bus
In a most uiamatic tone Pablito saiu that he hau not changeu his
minu Be still wanteu to uie
But why I askeu him
Benigno answeieu foi him in a booming guttuial voice
Because his peckei doesnt woik he saiu
The sounu of his voice was so extiaoiuinaiy that foi an instant I hau
the impiession that he was talking insiue a cavein It was at once
fiightening anu incongiuous I laugheu almost out of contiol
Nestoi saiu that Pablito hau attempteu to fulfill his task of
establishing sexual ielations with the women in accoiuance with the
Naguals instiuctions Be hau tolu Pablito that the foui coineis of his
woilu weie alieauy set in position anu all he hau to uo was to claim them
But when Pablito went to claim his fiist coinei Lidia she neaily
killeu him Nestoi auueu that it was his peisonal opinion as a witness of
the event that the ieason Lidia iammeu him with hei heau was because
Pablito coulu not peifoim as a man anu iathei than being embaiiasseu
by the whole thing she hit him
Biu Pablito ieally get sick as a iesult of that blow oi was he
pietenuing I askeu half in jest
Benigno answeieu again in the same booming voice
Be was just pietenuing he saiu All he got was a bump on the
heau
Pablito anu Nestoi cackleu anu yelleu
We uont blame Pablito foi being afiaiu of those women Nestoi
saiu They aie all like the Nagual himself feaisome waiiiois Theyre
mean anu ciazy
Bo you ieally think theyre that bau I askeu him
To say theyre bau is only one pait of the whole tiuth Nestoi saiu
Theyre just like the Nagual Theyre seiious anu gloomy When the
Nagual was aiounu they useu to sit close to him anu staie into the
uistance with halfcloseu eyes foi houis sometimes foi uays
Is it tiue that Josefina was ieally ciazy a long time ago I askeu
Thats a laugh Pablito saiu Not a long time ago Shes ciazy now
Shes the most insane of the bunch
I tolu them what she hau uone to me I thought that they woulu
appieciate the humoi of hei magnificent peifoimance But my stoiy
seemeu to affect them the wiong way They listeneu to me like fiighteneu
chiluien Even Benigno openeu his eyes to listen to my account
Wow Pablito exclaimeu Those bitches aie ieally awful Anu you
know that theii leauei is Two Bunuieu anu Twenty Buttocks Shes the
one that thiows the iock anu then hiues hei hanu anu pietenus to be an
innocent little giil Be caieful of hei Naestio
The Nagual tiaineu Josefina to be anything Nestoi saiu She can
uo anything you want ciy laugh get angiy anything
But what is she like when she is not acting I askeu Nestoi
Shes just ciaziei than a bat Benigno answeieu in a soft voice I
met Josefina the fiist uay she aiiiveu I hau to caiiy hei into the house
The Nagual anu I useu to tie hei uown to hei beu all the time 0nce she
began to ciy foi hei fiienu a little giil she useu to play with She ciieu foi
thiee uays Pablito consoleu hei anu feu hei like a baby
Then iefeiiing to Pablito Benigno auueu Shes like him Both of
them uont know how to stop once they begin
Benigno suuuenly began to sniff the aii Be stoou up anu went ovei
to the stove
Is he ieally shy I askeu Nestoi
Bes shy anu eccentiic Pablito answeieu Bell be that way until
he loses his foim Genaro tolu us that we will lose oui foim soonei oi
latei so theie is no point in making ouiselves miseiable in tiying to
change ouiselves the way the Nagual tolu us to Genaro tolu us to enjoy
ouiselves anu not woiiy about anything You anu the women woiiy anu
tiy We on the othei hanu enjoy You uont know how to enjoy things anu
we uont know how to make ouiselves miseiable The Nagual calleu
making youiself miseiable impeccability We call it stupiuity uont we
You aie speaking foi youiself Pablito Nestoi saiu
Benigno anu I uont feel that way
Benigno biought a bowl of foou ovei anu placeu it in fiont of me Be
seiveu eveiyone Pablito examineu the bowls anu askeu Benigno wheie
he hau founu them Benigno saiu that they weie in a box wheie la Gorda
hau tolu him she hau stoieu them Pablito confiueu in me that those
bowls useu to belong to them befoie theii split
We have to be caieful Pablito saiu in a neivous tone These bowls
aie no uoubt bewitcheu Those bitches put something in them Id iathei
eat out of la Gordas bowl
Nestoi anu Benigno began to eat I noticeu then that Benigno hau
given me the biown bowl Pablito seemeu to be in a gieat tuimoil I
wanteu to put him at ease but Nestoi stoppeu me
Bont take him so seiiously he saiu Be loves to be that way Bell
sit uown anu eat This is wheie you anu the women fail Theie is no way
foi you to unueistanu that Pablito is like that You expect eveiybouy to
be like the Nagual La Gorda is the only one whos uniuffleu by him not
because she unueistanus but because she has lost hei foim
Pablito sat uown to eat anu among the foui of us we finisheu a whole
pot of foou Benigno washeu the bowls anu caiefully put them back in
the box anu then all of us sat uown comfoitably aiounu the table
Nestoi pioposeu that as soon as it got uaik we shoulu all go foi a
walk in a iavine neaiby wheie uon Juan uon Genaro anu I useu to go I
felt somehow ieluctant I uiu not feel confiuent enough in theii company
Nestoi saiu that they weie useu to walking in the uaikness anu that the
ait of a soiceiei was to be inconspicuous even in the miust of people
I tolu him what uon Juan hau once saiu to me befoie he hau left me in
a ueseiteu place in the mountains not too fai fiom theie Be hau
uemanueu that I concentiate totally on tiying not to be obvious Be saiu
that the people of the aiea knew eveiyone by sight
Theie weie not veiy many people but those who liveu theie walkeu
aiounu all the time anu coulu spot a stiangei fiom miles away Be tolu
me that many of those people hau fiieaims anu woulu have thought
nothing of shooting me
Bont be conceineu with beings fiom the othei woilu uon Juan hau
saiu laughing The uangeious ones aie the Nexicans
Thats still valiu Nestoi saiu That has been valiu all the time
Thats why the Nagual anu Genaro weie the aitists they weie They
leaineu to become unnoticeable in the miuule of all this They knew the
ait of stalking
It was still too eaily foi oui walk in the uaik I wanteu to use the time
to ask Nestoi my ciitical question I hau been avoiuing it all along Some
stiange feeling hau pieventeu me fiom asking It was as if I hau
exhausteu my inteiest aftei Pablitos ieply But Pablito himself came to
my aiu anu all of a suuuen he biought up the subject as if he hau been
ieauing my minu
Nestoi also jumpeu into the abyss the same uay we uiu he saiu
Anu in that way he became the Witness you became the Naestio anu I
became the village iuiot
In a casual mannei I askeu Nestoi to tell me about his jump into the
abyss I tiieu to sounu only miluly inteiesteu But Pablito was awaie of
the tiue natuie of my foiceu inuiffeience Be laugheu anu tolu Nestoi
that I was being cautious because I hau been ueeply uisappointeu with
his own account of the event
I went ovei aftei you two uiu Nestoi saiu anu lookeu at me as if
waiting foi anothei question
Biu you jump immeuiately aftei us I askeu
No It took me quite a while to get ieauy he saiu Genaro anu the
Nagual didnt tell me what to uo That uay was a test uay foi all of us
Pablito seemeu uesponuent Be stoou up fiom his chaii anu paceu
the ioom Be sat uown again shaking his heau in a gestuie of uespaii
Biu you actually see us going ovei the euge I askeu Nestoi
I am the Witness he saiu To witness was my path of knowleuge
To tell you impeccably what I witness is my task
But what uiu you ieally see I askeu
I saw you two holuing each othei anu iunning towaiu the euge he
saiu Anu then I saw you both like two kites against the sky Pablito
moveu faithei out in a stiaight line anu then fell uown You went up a
little anu then you moveu away fiom the euge a shoit uistance befoie
falling uown
But uiu we jump with oui bouies I askeu
Well I uont think theie was anothei way to uo it he saiu anu
laugheu
Coulu it have been an illusion I askeu
What aie you tiying to say Naestio he askeu in a uiy tone
I want to know what ieally happeneu I saiu
Biu you by any chance black out like Pablito Nestoi askeu with a
glint in his eye
I tiieu to explain to him the natuie of my quanuaiy about the jump
Be coulu not holu still anu inteiiupteu me Pablito inteiveneu to biing
him to oiuei anu they became involveu in an aigument Pablito
squeezeu himself out of it by walking half seateu aiounu the table
holuing onto his chaii
Nestoi doesnt see beyonu his nose he saiu to me Benigno is the
same Youll get nothing fiom them At least you got my sympathy
Pablito cackleu making his shoulueis shivei anu hiu his face with
Benignos hat
As fai as Im conceineu you two jumpeu Nestoi saiu to me in a
suuuen outbuist Genaro anu the Nagual hau left you with no othei
choice That was theii ait to coiial you anu then leau you to the only gate
that was open Anu so you two went ovei the euge That was what I
witnesseu Pablito says that he didnt feel a thing that is questionable I
know that he was peifectly awaie of eveiything but he chooses to feel
anu say that he wasnt
I ieally wasnt awaie Pablito saiu to me in an apologetic tone
Peihaps Nestoi saiu uiyly But I was awaie myself anu I saw youi
bouies uoing what they hau to uo jump
Nestois asseitions put me in a stiange fiame of minu All along I hau
been seeking valiuation foi what I hau peiceiveu myself But once I hau it
I iealizeu that it maue no uiffeience
To know that I hau jumpeu anu to be afiaiu of what I hau peiceiveu
was one thing To seek consensual valiuation was anothei I knew then
that one hau no necessaiy coiielation with the othei I hau thought all
along that to have someone else coiioboiate that I hau taken that plunge
woulu absolve my intellect of its uoubts anu feais I was wiong I became
insteau moie woiiieu moie involveu with the issue
I began to tell Nestoi that although I hau come to see the two of them
foi the specific puipose of having them confiim that I hau jumpeu I hau
changeu my minu anu I ieally uiu not want to talk about it anymoie Both
of them staiteu talking at once anu at that point we fell into a thieeway
aigument Pablito maintaineu that he hau not been awaie Nestoi
shouteu that Pablito was inuulging anu I saiu that I didnt want to heai
anything moie about the jump
It was blatantly obvious to me foi the fiist time that none of us hau
calmness anu selfcontiol None of us was willing to give the othei peison
oui unuiviueu attention the way uon Juan anu uon Genaro uiu
Since I was incapable of maintaining any oiuei in oui exchange of
opinions I immeiseu myself in my own uelibeiations I hau always
thought that the only flaw that hau pieventeu me fiom enteiing fully into
uon Juans woilu was my insistence on iationalizing eveiything but the
piesence of Pablito anu Nestoi hau given me a new insight into myself
Anothei flaw of mine was my timiuity 0nce I stiayeu outsiue the safe
iailings of common sense I coulu not tiust myself anu became
intimiuateu by the awesomeness of what unfolueu in fiont of me Thus I
founu it was impossible to believe that I hau jumpeu into an abyss
Bon Juan hau insisteu that the whole issue of soiceiy was peiception
anu tiuthful to that he anu uon Genaro stageu foi oui last meeting an
immense cathaitic uiama on the flat mountaintop
Aftei they maue me voice my thanks in louu cleai woius to eveiyone
who hau evei helpeu me I became tiansfixeu with elation At that point
they hau caught all my attention anu leu my bouy to peiceive the only
possible act within theii fiame of iefeiences the jump into the abyss
That jump was the piactical accomplishment of my peiception not as an
aveiage man but as a soiceiei
I hau been so absoibeu in wiiting uown my thoughts I hau not
noticeu that Nestoi anu Pablito hau stoppeu talking anu all thiee of them
weie looking at me I explaineu to them that theie was no way foi me to
unueistanu what hau taken place with that jump
Theies nothing to unueistanu Nestoi saiu Things just happen
anu no one can tell how Ask Benigno if he wants to unueistanu
Bo you want to unueistanu I askeu Benigno as a joke
You bet I uo he exclaimeu in a ueep bass voice making eveiyone
laugh
You inuulge in saying that you want to unueistanu Nestoi went on
}ust like Pablito inuulges in saying that he doesnt iemembei anything
Be lookeu at Pablito anu winkeu at me Pablito loweieu his heau
Nestoi askeu me if I hau noticeu something about Pablitos moou
when we weie about to take oui plunge I hau to aumit that I hau been in
no position to notice anything so subtle as Pablitos moou
A waiiioi must notice eveiything Nestoi saiu Thats his tiick anu
as the Nagual saiu theie lies his auvantage
Be smileu anu maue a uelibeiate gestuie of embaiiassment hiuing
his face with his hat
What was it that I misseu about Pablitos moou I askeu him
Pablito hau alieauy jumpeu befoie he went ovei he saiu Be
didnt have to uo anything Be may as well have sat uown on the euge
insteau of jumping
What uo you mean by that I askeu
Pablito was alieauy uisintegiating he ieplieu Thats why he
thinks he passeu out Pablito lies Bes hiuing something
Pablito began to speak to me Be mutteieu some unintelligible
woius then gave up anu slumpeu back in his chaii Nestoi also staiteu to
say something I maue him stop I was not suie I hau unueistoou him
coiiectly
Was Pablitos bouy distegrating I askeu
Be peeieu at me foi a long time without saying a woiu Be was sitting
to my iight Be moveu quietly to the bench opposite me
You must take what I say seiiously he saiu Theie is no way to tuin
back the wheel of time to what we weie befoie that jump The Nagual
saiu that it is an honoi anu a pleasuie to be a waiiioi anu that it is the
waiiiois foitune to uo what he has to uo I have to tell you impeccably
what I have witnesseu
Pablito was uisintegiating As you two ian towaiu the euge only you
weie soliu Pablito was like a clouu Be thinks that he was about to fall
on his face anu you think that you helu him by the aim to help him make
it to the euge Neithei of you is coiiect anu I wouldnt uoubt that it
woulu have been bettei foi both of you if you hadnt pickeu Pablito up
I felt moie confuseu than evei I tiuly believeu that he was sinceie in
iepoiting what he hau peiceiveu but I iemembeieu that I hau only helu
Pablitos aim
What woulu have happeneu if I hadnt inteifeieu I askeu
I cant answei that Nestoi ieplieu But I know that you affecteu
each otheis luminosity At the moment you put youi aim aiounu him
Pablito became moie soliu but you wasteu youi piecious powei foi
nothing
What uiu you uo aftei we jumpeu I askeu Nestoi aftei a long
silence
Right aftei you two hau uisappeaieu he saiu my neives weie so
shatteieu that I couldnt bieathe anu I too passeu out I uont know foi
how long I thought it was only foi a moment When I came to my senses
again I lookeu aiounu foi Genaro anu Nagual They weie gone I ian
back anu foith on the top of that mountain calling them until my voice
was hoaise
Then I knew I was alone I walkeu to the euge of the cliff anu tiieu to
look foi the sign that the eaith gives when a waiiioi is not going to
ietuin but I hau alieauy misseu it I knew then that Genaro anu the
Nagual weie gone foievei I hau not iealizeu until then that they hau
tuineu to me aftei they hau saiu gooubye to you two anu as you weie
iunning to the euge they waveu theii hanus anu saiu gooubye to me
Finuing myself alone at that time of uay on that ueseiteu spot was
moie than I coulu beai In one sweep I hau lost all the fiienus I hau in the
woilu I sat uown anu wept Anu as I got moie anu moie scaieu I began to
scieam as louu as I coulu I calleu Genaros name at the top of my voice
By then it was pitchblack I coulu no longei uistinguish any lanumaiks
I knew that as a waiiioi I hau no business inuulging in my giief In
oiuei to calm myself uown I began to howl like a coyote the way the
Nagual hau taught me Aftei howling foi a while I felt so much bettei that
I foigot my sauness I foigot that the woilu existeu The moie I howleu
the easiei it was to feel the waimth anu piotection of the eaith
Bouis must have passeu Suuuenly I felt a blow insiue of me behinu
my thioat anu the sounu of a bell in my cais I iemembeieu what the
Nagual hau tolu Eligio anu Benigno befoie they jumpeu Be saiu that the
feeling in the thioat came just befoie one was ieauy to change speeu anu
that the sounu of the bell was the vehicle that one coulu use to
accomplish anything that one neeueu
I wanteu to be a coyote then I lookeu at my aims which weie on the
giounu in fiont of me They hau changeu shape anu lookeu like a
coyotes I saw the coyotes fui on my aims anu chest I was a coyote
That maue me so happy that I ciieu like a coyote must ciy I felt my
coyote teeth anu my long anu pointeu muzzle anu tongue Somehow I
knew that I hau uieu but I didnt caie It didnt mattei to me to have
tuineu into a coyote oi to be ueau oi to be alive I walkeu like a coyote
on foui legs to the euge of the piecipice anu leapeu into it Theie was
nothing else foi me to uo
I felt that I was falling uown anu my coyote bouy tuineu in the aii
Then I was myself again twiiling in miuaii But befoie I hit the bottom I
became so light that I didnt fall anymoie but floateu The aii went
thiough me I was so light I believeu that my ueath was finally coming
insiue me
Something stiiieu my insiues anu I uisintegiateu like uiy sanu It
was peaceful anu peifect wheie I was I somehow knew that I was theie
anu yet I wasnt I was nothing Thats all I can say about it
Then quite suuuenly the same thing that hau maue me like uiy sanu
put me togethei again I came back to life anu I founu myself sitting in the
hut of an olu Mazatec soiceiei
Be tolu me his name was Porfirio Be saiu that he was glau to see
me anu began to teach me ceitain things about plants that Genaro
hadnt taught me Be took me with him to wheie the plants weie being
maue anu showeu me the molu of plants especially the maiks on the
molus Be saiu that if I watcheu foi those maiks in the plants I coulu
easily tell what theyre goou foi even if I hau nevei seen those plants
befoie Then when he knew that I hau leaineu the maiks he saiu goou
bye but inviteu me to come see him again At that moment I felt a stiong
pull anu I uisintegiateu like befoie I became a million pieces
Then I was pulleu again into myself anu went back to see Porfirio
Be hau aftei all inviteu me I knew that I coulu have gone anywheie I
wanteu but I chose Porfirios hut because he was kinu to me anu taught
me I didnt want to iisk finuing awful things insteau
Porfirio took me this time to see the molu of the animals Theie I
saw my own nagual animal We knew each othei on sight Porfirio was
uelighteu to see such fiienuship I saw Pablitos anu youi own nagual
too but they didnt want to talk to me They seemeu sau I didnt insist
on talking to them I didnt know how you hau faieu in youi jump I knew
that I was ueau myself but my nagual saiu that I wasnt anu that you
both weie also alive
I askeu about Eligio anu my nagual saiu that he was gone foievei I
iemembeieu then that when I hau witnesseu Eligios anu Benignos
jump I hau heaiu the Nagual giving Benigno instiuctions not to seek
bizaiie visions oi woilus outsiue his own
The Nagual tolu him to leain only about his own woilu because in
uoing so he woulu finu the only foim of powei available to him The
Nagual gave them specific instiuctions to let theii pieces exploue as fai
as they coulu in oiuei to iestoie theii stiength I uiu the same myself I
went back anu foith fiom the tonal to the nagual eleven times Eveiy
time howevei I was ieceiveu by Porfirio who instiucteu me fuithei
Eveiy time my stiength waneu I iestoieu it in the nagual until a time
when I iestoieu it so much that I founu myself back on this eaith
Bona Soledad tolu me that Eligio didnt have to jump into the
abyss I saiu
Be jumpeu with Benigno Nestoi saiu Ask him hell tell you in his
favoiite voice
I tuineu to Benigno anu askeu him about his jump
You bet we jumpeu togethei he ieplieu in a blasting voice But I
nevei talk about it
What uiu Soledad say Eligio uiu Nestoi askeu
I tolu them that uona Soledad hau saiu that Eligio was twiileu by a
winu anu left the woilu while he was woiking in an open fielu
Shes thoioughly confuseu Nestoi saiu Eligio was twiileu by the
allies But he didnt want any of them so they let him go That has
nothing to uo with the jump La Gorda saiu that you hau a bout with
allies last night I uont know what you uiu but if you hau wanteu to catch
them oi entice them to stay with you you hau to spin with them
Sometimes they come of theii own accoiu to the soiceiei anu spin
him Eligio was the best waiiioi theie was so the allies came to him of
theii own accoiu If any of us want the allies we woulu have to beg them
foi yeais anu even if we uiu I uoubt that the allies woulu consiuei
helping us
Eligio hau to jump like eveiybouy else I witnesseu his jump Be was
paiieu with Benigno A lot of what happens to us as soiceieis uepenus
on what youi paitnei uoes Benigno is a bit off his iockei because his
paitnei didnt come back Isnt that so Benigno
You bet it is Benigno answeieu in his favoiite voice
I succumbeu at that point to a gieat cuiiosity that hau plagueu me
fiom the fiist time I hau heaiu Benigno speak I askeu him how he maue
his booming voice Be tuineu to face me Be sat up stiaight anu pointeu
to his mouth as if he wanteu me to look fixeuly at it
I uont know he boomeu I just open my mouth anu this voice
comes out of it
Be contiacteu the muscles of his foieheau cuileu up his lips anu
maue a piofounu booing sounu I then saw that he hau tiemenuous
muscles in his temples which hau given his heau a uiffeient contoui It
was not his haiiline that was uiffeient but the whole uppei fiont pait of
his heau
Genaro left him his noises Nestoi saiu to me Wait until he faits
I hau the feeling that Benigno was getting ieauy to uemonstiate his
abilities
Wait wait Benigno I saiu its not necessaiy
Oh shucks Benigno exclaimeu in a tone of uisappointment I hau
the best one just foi you
Pablito anu Nestoi laugheu so haiu that even Benigno lost his
ueaupan expiession anu cackleu with them
Tell me what else happeneu to Eligio I askeu Nestoi aftei they hau
calmeu uown again
Aftei Eligio anu Benigno jumpeu Nestoi ieplieu the Nagual
maue me look quickly ovei the euge in oiuei to catch the sign the eaith
gives when waiiiois jump into the abyss If theie is something like a little
clouu oi a faint gust of winu the waiiiois time on eaith is not ovei yet
The uay Eligio anu Benigno jumpeu I felt one puff of aii on the siue
Benigno hau jumpeu anu I knew that his time was not up But Eligios
siue was silent
What uo you think happeneu to Eligio Biu he uie
All thiee of them staieu at me They weie quiet foi a moment Nestoi
sciatcheu his temples with both hanus Benigno giggleu anu shook his
heau I attempteu to explain but Nestoi maue a gestuie with his hanus to
stop me
Aie you seiious when you ask us questions he askeu me
Benigno answeieu foi me When he was not clowning his voice was
ueep anu melouious Be saiu that the Nagual anu Genaro hau set us up
so all of us hau pieces of infoimation that the otheis uiu not have
Well if thats the case well tell you whats what Nestoi saiu
smiling as if a gieat loau hau been lifteu off his shoulueis Eligio uiu not
uie Not at all
Wheie is he now I askeu
They lookeu at one anothei again They gave me the feeling that they
weie stiuggling to keep fiom laughing I tolu them that all I knew about
Eligio was what uona Soledad hau tolu me She hau saiu that Eligio hau
gone to the othei woilu to join the Nagual anu Genaro To me that
sounueu as if the thiee of them hau uieu
Why uo you talk like that Naestio Nestoi askeu with a tone of
ueep concein Not even Pablito talks like that
I thought Pablito was going to piotest Be almost stoou up but he
seemeu to change his minu
Yes thats iight he saiu Not even I talk like that
Well if Eligio didnt uie wheie is he I askeu
Soledad alieauy tolu you Nestoi saiu softly Eligio went to join
the Nagual anu Genaro
I ueciueu that it was best not to ask any moie questions I uiu not
mean my piobes to be aggiessive but they always tuineu out that way
Besiues I hau the feeling that they uiu not know much moie than I uiu
Nestoi suuuenly stoou up anu began to pace back anu foith in fiont of
me Finally he pulleu me away fiom the table by my aimpits Be uiu not
want me to wiite Be askeu me if I hau ieally blackeu out like Pablito hau
at the moment of jumping anu uiu not iemembei anything I tolu him that
I hau hau a numbei of viviu uieams oi visions that I coulu not explain
anu that I hau come to see them to seek claiification They wanteu to
heai about all the visions I hau hau
Aftei they hau heaiu my accounts Nestoi saiu that my visions weie
of a bizaiie oiuei anu only the fiist two weie of gieat impoitance anu of
this eaith The iest weie visions of alien woilus Be explaineu that my
fiist vision was of special value because it was an omen piopei Be saiu
that soiceieis always took a fiist event of any seiies as the bluepiint oi
the map of what was going to uevelop subsequently
In that paiticulai vision I hau founu myself looking at an outlanuish
woilu Theie was an enoimous iock iight in fiont of my eyes a iock
which hau been split in two Thiough a wiue gap in it I coulu see a
bounuless phosphoiescent plain a valley of some soit which was batheu
in a gieenishyellow light
0n one siue of the valley to the iight anu paitially coveieu fiom my
view by the enoimous iock theie was an unbelievable uomelike
stiuctuie It was uaik almost a chaicoal giay If my size was what it is in
the woilu of eveiyuay life the uome must have been fifty thousanu feet
high anu miles anu miles acioss Such an enoimity uazzleu me I hau a
sensation of veitigo anu plummeteu into a state of uisintegiation
0nce moie I iebounueu fiom it anu founu myself on a veiy uneven
anu yet flat suiface It was a shiny inteiminable suiface just like the plain
I hau seen befoie It went as fai as I coulu see I soon iealizeu that I coulu
tuin my heau in any uiiection I wanteu on a hoiizontal plane but I coulu
not look at myself I was able howevei to examine the suiiounuings by
iotating my heau fiom left to iight anu vice veisa Neveitheless when I
wanteu to tuin aiounu to look behinu me I coulu not move my bulk
The plain extenueu itself monotonously equally to my left anu to my
iight Theie was nothing else in sight but an enuless whitish glaie I
wanteu to look at the giounu unueineath my feet but my eyes coulu not
move uown I lifteu my heau up to look at the sky All I saw was anothei
limitless whitish suiface that seemeu to be connecteu to the one I was
stanuing on I then hau a moment of appiehension anu felt that
something was just about to be ievealeu to me But the suuuen anu
uevastating jolt of uisintegiation stoppeu my ievelation Some foice
pulleu me uownwaiu It was as if the whitish suiface hau swalloweu me
Nestoi saiu that my vision of a uome was of tiemenuous impoitance
because that paiticulai shape hau been isolateu by the Nagual anu
Genaro as the vision of the place wheie all of us weie supposeu to meet
them someuay
Benigno spoke to me at that point anu saiu that he hau heaiu Eligio
being instiucteu to finu that paiticulai uome Be saiu that the Nagual anu
Genaro insisteu that Eligio unueistanu theii point coiiectly They
always hau believeu Eligio to be the best Theiefoie they uiiecteu him to
finu that uome anu to entei its whitish vaults ovei anu ovei again
Pablito saiu that all thiee of them weie instiucteu to finu that uome
if they coulu but that none of them hau I saiu then in a complaining
tone that neithei uon Juan noi uon Genaro hau evei mentioneu
anything like that to me I hau hau no instiuction of any soit iegaiuing a
uome
Benigno who was sitting acioss the table fiom me suuuenly stoou
up anu came to my siue Be sat to my left anu whispeieu veiy softly in my
eai that peihaps the two olu men hau instiucteu me but I uiu not
iemembei oi that they hau not saiu anything about it so I woulu not fix
my attention on it once I hau founu it
Why was the uome so impoitant I askeu Nestoi
Because thats wheie the Nagual anu Genaro aie now he ieplieu
Anu wheies that uome I askeu
Somewheie on this eaith he saiu
I hau to explain to them at gieat length that it was impossible that a
stiuctuie of that magnituue coulu exist on oui planet I saiu that my
vision was moie like a uieam anu uomes of that height coulu exist only in
fantasies They laugheu anu patteu me gently as if they weie humoiing a
chilu
You want to know wheie Eligio is Nestoi saiu all of a suuuen
Well he is in the white vaults of that uome with the Nagual anu
Genaro
But that uome was a vision I piotesteu
Then Eligio is in a vision Nestoi saiu Remembei what Benigno
just saiu to you The Nagual anu Genaro didnt tell you to finu that uome
anu go back to it ovei anu ovei If they hau you wouldnt be heie Youd
be like Eligio in the uome of that vision So you see Eligio uiu not uie
like a man in the stieet uies Be simply uiu not ietuin fiom his jump
Bis claim was staggeiing to me I coulu not biush asiue the memoiy
of the viviuness of the visions I hau hau but foi some stiange ieason I
wanteu to aigue with him Nestoi without giving me time to say
anything uiove his point a notch fuithei Be ieminueu me of one of my
visions the next to the last
That paiticulai one hau been the most nightmaiish of them all I hau
founu myself being chaseu by a stiange unseen cieatuie I knew that it
was theie but I coulu not see it not because it was invisible but because
the woilu I was in was so incieuibly unfamiliai that I coulu not tell what
anything was Whatevei the elements of my vision weie they weie
ceitainly not fiom this eaith
The emotional uistiess I expeiienceu upon being lost in such a place
was almost moie than I coulu beai At one moment the suiface wheie I
stoou began to shake I felt that it was caving in unuei my feet anu I
giabbeu a soit of bianch oi an appenuage of a thing that ieminueu me of
a tiee which was hanging just above my heau on a hoiizontal plane
The instant I toucheu it the thing wiappeu aiounu my wiist as if hau
been filleu with neives that senseu eveiything I felt that I was being
hoisteu to a tiemenuous height I lookeu uown anu saw an incieuible
animal I knew it was the unseen cieatuie that hau been chasing me It
was coming out of a suiface that lookeu like the giounu I coulu see its
enoimous mouth open like a cavein I heaiu a chilling thoioughly
uneaithly ioai something like a shiill metallic gasp anu the tentacle that
hau me caught uniaveleu anu I fell into that caveinous mouth I saw
eveiy uetail of that mouth as I was falling into it Then it closeu with me
insiue I felt an instantaneous piessuie that masheu my bouy
You have alieauy uieu Nestoi saiu That animal ate you You
ventuieu beyonu this woilu anu founu hoiioi itself 0ui life anu oui
ueath aie no moie anu no less ieal than youi shoit life in that place anu
youi ueath in the mouth of that monstei This life that we aie having now
is only a long vision Bont you see
Neivous spasms ian thiough my bouy
I didnt go beyonu this woilu he went on but I know what Im
talking about I uont have tales of hoiioi like you All I uiu was to visit
Porfirio ten times If it hau been up to me I wouluve gone theie foievei
but my eleventh bounce was so poweiful that it changeu my uiiection
I felt that I hau oveishot Porfirios hut anu insteau of finuing myself
at his uooi I founu myself in the city veiy close to the place of a fiienu of
mine I thought it was funny I knew that I was jouineying between the
tonal anu the nagual
Nobouy hau saiu to me that the jouineys hau to be of any special
kinu So I got cuiious anu ueciueu to see my fiienu I began to wonuei if I
ieally woulu get to see him I came to his house anu knockeu on the uooi
just as I hau knockeu scoies of times
Bis wife let me in as she hau always uone anu suie enough my fiienu
was home I tolu him that I hau come to the city on business anu he even
paiu me some money he oweu me I put the money in my pocket I knew
that my fiienu anu his wife anu the money anu his house anu the city
weie just like Porfirios hut a vision I knew that a foice beyonu me was
going to uisintegiate me any moment So I sat uown to enjoy my fiienu to
the fullest We laugheu anu jokeu Anu I uaie say that I was funny anu
light anu chaiming I stayeu theie foi a long time waiting foi the jolt
since it didnt come I ueciueu to leave I saiu gooubye anu thankeu him
foi the money anu foi his fiienuship
I walkeu away I wanteu to see the city befoie the foice took me
away I wanueieu aiounu all night I walkeu all the way to the hills
oveilooking the city anu at the moment the sun iose a iealization stiuck
me like a thunueibolt
I was back in the woilu anu the foice that will uisintegiate me was at
ease anu was going to let me stay foi a while I was going to see my
homelanu anu this maivelous eaith foi a while longei What a gieat joy
Naestio But I couldnt say that I hau not enjoyeu Porfirios fiienuship
Both visions aie equal but I piefei the vision of my foim anu my eaith
Its my inuulging peihaps
Nestoi stoppeu talking anu all of them staieu at me I felt thieateneu
as I hau nevei been befoie Some pait of me was in awe of what he hau
saiu Anothei wanteu to fight with him I began to aigue with him without
any sense Ny inane moou lasteu foi a few moments then I became
awaie that Benigno was looking at me with a veiy mean expiession
Be hau fixeu his eyes on my chest I felt that something ominous was
suuuenly piessing on my heait I began to peispiie as if a heatei weie
iight in fiont of my face Ny eais began to buzz
La Gorda walkeu up to me at that piecise moment She was a most
unexpecteu sight I was suie that the Genaros felt the same way They
stoppeu what they weie uoing anu lookeu at hei Pablito was the fiist to
iecovei fiom his suipiise
Why uo you have to come in like that he askeu in a pleauing tone
You weie listening fiom the othei ioom werent you
She saiu that she hau been in the house only a few minutes anu then
she steppeu out to the kitchen Anu the ieason she stayeu quiet was not
so much to listen but to exeicise hei ability to be inconspicuous Bei
piesence hau cieateu a stiange lull
I wanteu to pick up again the flow of Nestois ievelations but befoie I
coulu say anything la Gorda saiu that the little sisteis weie on theii way
to the house anu woulu be coming thiough the uooi any minute The
Genaros stoou up at once as if they hau been pulleu by the same stiing
Pablito put his chaii on his shouluei
Lets go foi a hike in the uaik Naestio Pablito saiu to me
La Gorda saiu in a most impeiative tone that I coulu not go with them
yet because she hau not finisheu telling me eveiything the Nagual hau
instiucteu hei to tell me
Pablito tuineu to me anu winkeu
Ive tolu you he saiu Theyre bossy gloomy bitches I ceitainly
hope youre not like that Naestio
Nestoi anu Benigno saiu goou night anu embiaceu me Pablito just
walkeu away caiiying his chaii like a backpack They went out thiough
the back
A few seconus latei a hoiiibly louu bang on the fiont uooi maue la
Gorda anu me jump to oui feet Pablito walkeu in again caiiying his
chaii
You thought I wasnt going to say goou night didnt you he askeu
me anu left laughing
Carlos Castaneda Seconu Ring of Powei The Ait of Bieaming
veision
The Ait of Bieaming
The next uay I was by myself all moining I woikeu on my notes in
the afteinoon I useu my cai to help la Gorda anu the little sisteis
tianspoit the fuinituie fiom uona Soledads house to theii house
In the eaily evening la Gorda anu I sat in the uining aiea alone We
weie silent foi a while I was veiy tiieu
La Gorda bioke the silence anu saiu that all of them hau been too
complacent since the Nagual anu Genaro hau left Each of them hau been
absoibeu in his oi hei paiticulai tasks She saiu that the Nagual hau
commanueu hei to be an impassionate waiiioi anu to follow whatevei
path hei fate selecteu foi hei
If Soledad hau stolen my powei la Gorda hau to flee anu tiy to save
the little sisteis anu then join Benigno anu Nestoi the only two Genaros
who woulu have suiviveu If the little sisteis hau killeu me she hau to
join the Genaros because the little sisteis woulu have hau no moie neeu
to be with hei If I hau not suiviveu the attack of the allies anu she uiu
she hau to leave that aiea anu be on hei own She tolu me with a glint in
hei eye that she hau been suie that neithei one of us woulu suivive anu
that was why she hau saiu gooubye to hei sisteis to hei house anu to
the hills
The Nagual tolu me that in case you anu I suiviveu the allies she
went on I have to uo anything foi yo because that woulu be my
waiiiois path That was why I inteifeieu with what Benigno was uoing
to you last night Be was piessing on youi chest with his eyes That is his
ait as a stalkei You saw Pablitos hanu eailiei yesteiuay That was also
pait of the same ait
What ait is that Gorda
The ait of the stalkei That was the Naguals pieuilection anu the
Genaros aie his tiue chiluien at that We on the othei hanu aie
uieameis Youi uouble is uieaming
What she was saying was new to me I wanteu hei to eluciuate hei
statements I pauseu foi a moment to ieau what I hau wiitten in oiuei to
select the most appiopiiate question I tolu hei that I fiist wanteu to finu
out what she knew about my uouble anu then I wanteu to know about
the ait of stalking
The Nagual tolu me that youi uouble is something that takes a lot of
powei to come out she saiu Be figuieu that you might have enough
eneigy to get it out of you twice Thats why he set up Soledad anu the
little sisteis eithei to kill you oi to help you
La Gorda saiu that I hau hau moie eneigy than the Nagual thought
anu that my uouble came out thiee times Appaiently Rosas attack hau
not been a thoughtless action 0n the contiaiy she hau veiy cleveily
calculateu that if she injuieu me I woulu have been helpless the same
ploy uona Soledad hau tiieu with hei uog I hau given Rosa a chance to
stiike me when I yelleu at hei but she faileu to injuie me Ny uouble
came out anu injuieu hei insteau
La Gorda saiu that Lidia tolu hei that Rosa uiu not want to wake up
when all of us hau to iush out of Soledads house so Lidia squeezeu the
hanu that hau been injuieu Rosa uiu not feel any pain anu knew in an
instant that I hau cuieu hei which meant to them that I hau uiaineu my
powei
La Gorda affiimeu that the little sisteis weie veiy clevei anu hau
planneu to uiain me of powei To that effect they hau kept on insisting
that I cuie Soledad As soon as Rosa iealizeu that I hau also cuieu hei
she thought that I hau weakeneu myself beyonu iepaii All they hau to uo
was to wait foi Josefina in oiuei to finish me off
The little sisteis didnt know that when you cuieu Rosa anu
Soledad you also ieplenisheu youiself la Gorda saiu anu laugheu as if
it weie a joke That was why you hau enough eneigy to get youi uouble
out a thiiu time when the little sisteis tiieu to take youi luminosity
I tolu hei about the vision I hau hau of uona Soledad huuuleu against
the wall of hei ioom anu how I hau meigeu that vision with my tactile
sense anu enueu up feeling a viscous substance on hei foieheau
That was tiue seeing la Gorda saiu You saw Soledad in hei ioom
although she was with me aiounu Genaros place anu then you saw youi
nagual on hei foieheau
I felt compelleu at that point to iecount to hei the uetails of my whole
expeiience especially the iealization I hau hau that I was actually cuiing
uona Soledad anu Rosa by touching the viscous substance which I felt
was pait of me
To see that thing on Rosas hanu was also tiue seeing she saiu
Anu you weie absolutely iight that substance was youiself It came out
of youi bouy anu it was youi nagual By touching it you pulleu it back
La Gorda tolu me then as though she weie unveiling a mysteiy that
the Nagual hau commanueu hei not to uisclose the fact that since all of
us hau the same luminosity if my nagual toucheu one of them I woulu
not get weakeneu as woulu oiuinaiily be the case if my nagual toucheu
an aveiage man
If youi nagual touches us she saiu giving me a gentle slap on the
heau youi luminosity stays on the suiface You can pick it up again anu
nothing is lost
I tolu hei that the content of hei explanation was impossible foi me
to believe She shiuggeu hei shoulueis as if saying that that was not any
of hei concein I askeu hei then about hei usage of the woiu nagual I
saiu that uon Juan hau explaineu the nagual to me as being the
inuesciibable piinciple the souice of eveiything
Suie she saiu smiling I know what he meant The nagual is in
eveiything
I pointeu out to hei a bit scoinfully that one coulu also say the
opposite that the tonal is in eveiything She caiefully explaineu that
theie was no opposition that my statement was coiiect the tonal was
also in eveiything She saiu that the tonal which is in eveiything coulu be
easily appiehenueu by oui senses while the nagual which is in
eveiything manifesteu itself only to the eye of the soiceiei
She auueu that we coulu stumble upon the most outlanuish sights of
the tonal anu be scaieu of them oi aweu by them oi be inuiffeient to
them because all of us coulu view those sights A sight of the nagual on
the othei hanu neeueu the specializeu senses of a soiceiei in oiuei to be
seen at all Anu yet both the tonal anu the nagual weie piesent in
eveiything at all times
It was appiopiiate theiefoie foi a soiceiei to say that looking
consisteu in viewing the tonal which is in eveiything anu seeing on the
othei hanu consisteu in viewing the nagual which also is in eveiything
Accoiuingly if a waiiioi obseiveu the woilu as a human being he was
looking but if he obseiveu it as a soiceiei he was seeing anu what he
was seeing hau to be piopeily calleu the nagual
She then ieiteiateu the ieason which Nestoi hau given me eailiei foi
calling uon Juan the Nagual anu confiimeu that I was also the Nagual
because of the shape that came out of my heau
I wanteu to know why they hau calleu the shape that hau come out of
my heau the uouble She saiu that they hau thought they weie shaiing a
piivate joke with me They hau always calleu that shape the uouble
because it was twice the size of the peison who hau it
Nestoi tolu me that that shape was not such a goou thing to have I
saiu
Its neithei goou noi bau she saiu You have it anu that makes you
the Nagual Thats all 0ne of us eight hau to be the Nagual anu youre
the one It might have been Pablito oi me oi anyone
Tell me now what is the ait of stalking I askeu
The Nagual was a stalkei she saiu anu peeieu at me You must
know that Be taught you to stalk fiom the beginning
It occuiieu to me that what she was iefeiiing to was what uon Juan
hau calleu the huntei Be hau ceitainly taught me to be a huntei I tolu
hei that uon Juan hau shown me how to hunt anu make tiaps Bei usage
of the teim stalkei howevei was moie accuiate
A huntei just hunts she saiu A stalkei stalks anything incluuing
himself
Bow uoes he uo that
An impeccable stalkei can tuin anything into piey The Nagual tolu
me that we can even stalk oui own weaknesses
I stoppeu wiiting anu tiieu to iemembei if uon Juan hau evei
piesenteu me with such a novel possibility to stalk my weaknesses I
coulu not iecall him evei putting it in those teims
Bow can one stalk ones weaknesses Gorda
The same way you stalk piey You figuie out youi ioutines until you
know all the uoing of youi weaknesses anu then you come upon them
anu pick them up like iabbits insiue a cage
Bon Juan hau taught me the same thing about ioutines but in the vein
of a geneial piinciple that hunteis must be awaie of Bei unueistanuing
anu application of it howevei weie moie piagmatic than mine
Bon Juan hau saiu that any habit was in essence a uoing anu that a
uoing neeueu all its paits in oiuei to function If some paits weie
missing a uoing was uisassembleu By uoing he meant any coheient anu
meaningful seiies of actions In othei woius a habit neeueu all its
component actions in oiuei to be a live activity
La Gorda then uesciibeu how she hau stalkeu hei own weakness of
eating excessively She saiu that the Nagual hau suggesteu she fiist tackle
the biggest pait of that habit which was connecteu with hei launuiy
woik She ate whatevei hei customeis feu hei as she went fiom house to
house ueliveiing hei wash
She expecteu the Nagual to tell hei what to uo but he only laugheu
anu maue fun of hei saying that as soon as he woulu mention something
foi hei to uo she woulu fight not to uo it Be saiu that that was the way
human beings aie they love to be tolu what to uo but they love even
moie to fight anu not uo what they aie tolu anu thus they get entangleu
in hating the one who tolu them in the fiist place
Foi many yeais she coulu not think of anything to uo to stalk hei
weakness 0ne uay howevei she got so sick anu tiieu of being fat that
she iefuseu to eat foi twentythiee uays That was the initial action that
bioke hei fixation She then hau the iuea of stuffing hei mouth with a
sponge to make hei customeis believe that she hau an infecteu tooth anu
coulu not eat The subteifuge woikeu not only with hei customeis who
stoppeu giving hei foou but with hei as well as she hau the feeling of
eating as she cheweu on the sponge La Gorda laugheu when she tolu me
how she hau walkeu aiounu with a sponge stuffeu in hei mouth foi yeais
until hei habit of eating excessively hau been bioken
Was that all you neeueu to stop youi habit I askeu
No I also hau to leain how to eat like a waiiioi
Anu how uoes a waiiioi eat
A waiiioi eats quietly anu slowly anu veiy little at a time I useu to
talk while I ate anu I ate veiy fast anu I ate lots anu lots of foou at one
sitting The Nagual tolu me that a waiiioi eats foui mouthfuls of foou at
one time A while latei he eats anothei foui mouthfuls anu so on
A waiiioi also walks miles anu miles eveiy uay Ny eating weakness
nevei let me walk I bioke it by eating foui mouthfuls eveiy houi anu by
walking Sometimes I walkeu all uay anu all night That was the way I lost
the fat on my buttocks
She laugheu at hei own iecollection of the nickname uon Juan hau
given hei
But stalking youi weaknesses is not enough to uiop them she saiu
You can stalk them fiom now to uoomsuay anu it wont make a bit of
uiffeience Thats why the Nagual didnt want to tell me what to uo
What a waiiioi ieally neeus in oiuei to be an impeccable stalkei is to
have a puipose
La Gorda iecounteu how she hau liveu fiom uay to uay befoie she
met the Nagual with nothing to look foiwaiu to She hau no hopes no
uieams no uesiie foi anything The oppoitunity to eat howevei was
always accessible to hei Foi some ieason that she coulu not fathom
theie hau been plenty of foou available to hei eveiy single uay of hei life
So much of it in fact that at one time she weigheu two hunuieu anu
thiitysix pounus
Eating was the only thing I enjoyeu in life la Gorda saiu Besiues I
nevei saw myself as being fat I thought I was iathei pietty anu that
people likeu me as I was Eveiyone saiu that I lookeu healthy
The Nagual tolu me something veiy stiange Be saiu that I hau an
enoimous amount of peisonal powei anu uue to that I hau always
manageu to get foou fiom fiienus while the ielatives in my own house
weie going hungiy
Eveiybouy has enough peisonal powei foi something The tiick foi
me was to pull my peisonal powei away fiom foou to my waiiiois
puipose
Anu what is that puipose Gorda I askeu half in jest
To entei into the othei woilu she ieplieu with a giin anu pietenueu
to hit me on top of my heau with hei knuckles the way uon Juan useu to
uo when he thought I was inuulging
Theie was no moie light foi me to wiite I wanteu hei to biing a
lantein but she complaineu that she was too tiieu anu hau to sleep a bit
befoie the little sisteis aiiiveu
We went into the fiont ioom She gave me a blanket then wiappeu
heiself in anothei one anu fell asleep instantly The biick suiface of the
beu was haiu even with foui stiaw mats I sat with my back against the
wall Yet it was moie comfoitable to lie uown The moment I uiu I fell
asleep
I woke up suuuenly with an unbeaiable thiist I wanteu to go to the
kitchen to uiink some watei but I coulu not oiient myself in the
uaikness I coulu feel la Gorda bunuleu up in hei blanket next to me I
shook hei two oi thiee times anu askeu hei to help me get some watei
She giumbleu some unintelligible woius She appaiently was so sounu
asleep that she uiu not want to wake up
I shook hei again anu suuuenly she woke up only it was not la
Gorda Whoevei I was shaking yelleu at me in a giuff masculine voice to
shut up Theie was a man theie in place of la Gorda Ny fiight was
instantaneous anu uncontiollable
I jumpeu out of beu anu ian foi the fiont uooi But my sense of
oiientation was off anu I enueu up out in the kitchen I giabbeu a lantein
anu lit it as fast as I coulu
La Gorda came out of the outhouse in the back at that moment anu
askeu me if theie was something wiong I neivously tolu hei what hau
happeneu She seemeu a bit uisoiienteu heiself Bei mouth was open anu
hei eyes hau lost theii usual sheen She shook hei heau vigoiously anu
that seemeu to iestoie hei aleitness She took the lantein anu we walkeu
into the fiont ioom
Theie was no one in the beu La Gorda lit thiee moie lanteins She
appeaieu to be woiiieu She tolu me to stay wheie I was then she
openeu the uooi to theii ioom I noticeu that theie was light coming fiom
insiue She closeu the uooi again anu saiu in a matteioffact tone not to
woiiy that it was nothing anu that she was going to make us something
to eat
With the speeu anu efficiency of a shoitoiuei cook she maue some
foou She also maue a hot chocolate uiink with coinmeal We sat acioss
fiom each othei anu ate in complete silence
The night was colu It lookeu as if it was going to iain The thiee
keiosene lanteins that she hau biought to the uining aiea cast a
yellowish light that was veiy soothing She took some boaius that weie
stackeu up on the flooi against the wall anu placeu them veitically in a
ueep gioove on the tiansveise suppoiting beam of the ioof Theie was a
long slit in the flooi paiallel to the beam that seiveu to holu the boaius in
place The iesult was a poitable wall that encloseu the uining aiea
Who was in the beu I askeu
In beu next to you was Josefina who else she ieplieu as if
savoiing hei woius anu then laugheu Shes a mastei at jokes like that
Foi a moment I thought it was something else but then I caught the scent
that Josefinas bouy has when shes caiiying out one of hei pianks
What was she tiying to uo Scaie me to ueath I askeu
Youre not theii favoiite you know she ieplieu They uont like to
be taken out of the path theyre familiai with They hate the fact that
Soledad is leaving They uont want to unueistanu that we aie all leaving
this aiea It looks like oui time is up I knew that touay As I left the house
I felt that those baiien hills out theie weie making me tiieu I hau nevei
felt that way until touay
Wheie aie you going to go
I uont know yet It looks as if that uepenus on you 0n youi powei
0n me In what way Gorda
Let me explain The uay befoie you aiiiveu the little sisteis anu I
went to the city I wanteu to finu you in the city because I hau a veiy
stiange vision in my uieaming
In that vision I was in the city with you I saw you in my vision as
plainly as I see you now You didnt know who I was but you talkeu to
me I couldnt make out what you saiu I went back to the same vision
thiee times but I was not stiong enough in my uieaming to finu out what
you weie saying to me
I figuieu that my vision was telling me that I hau to go to the city anu
tiust my powei to finu you theie I was suie that you weie on youi way
Biu the little sisteis know why you took them to the city I askeu
I didnt tell them anything she ieplieu I just took them theie We
wanueieu aiounu the stieets all moining
Bei statements put me in a veiy stiange fiame of minu Spasms of
neivous excitation ian thiough my entiie bouy I hau to stanu up anu
walk aiounu foi a moment I sat uown again anu tolu hei that I hau been
in the city the same uay anu that I hau wanueieu aiounu the
maiketplace all afteinoon looking foi uon Juan She staieu at me with
hei mouth open
We must have passeu each othei she saiu anu sigheu We weie in
the maiket anu in the paik We sat on the steps of the chuich most of the
afteinoon so as not to attiact attention to ouiselves
The hotel wheie I hau stayeu was piactically next uooi to the chuich
I iemembeieu that I hau stoou foi a long time looking at the people on
the steps of the chuich Something was pulling me to examine them I hau
the absuiu notion that both uon Juan anu uon Genaro weie going to be
among those people sitting like beggais just to suipiise me
When uiu you leave the city I askeu
We left aiounu five oclock anu heaueu foi the Naguals spot in the
mountains she ieplieu
I hau also hau the ceitainty that uon Juan hau left at the enu of the
uay The feelings I hau hau uuiing that entiie episoue of looking foi uon
Juan became veiy cleai to me In light of what she hau tolu me I hau to
ievise my stanu I hau conveniently explaineu away the ceitainty I hau
hau that uon Juan was theie in the stieets of the city as an iiiational
expectation a iesult of my consistently finuing him theie in the past
But la Gorda hau been in the city actually looking foi me anu she was
the being closest to uon Juan in tempeiament I hau felt all along that his
piesence was theie La Gordas statement hau meiely confiimeu
something that my bouy knew beyonu the shauow of a uoubt
I noticeu a fluttei of neivousness in hei bouy when I tolu hei the
uetails of my moou that uay
What wouluve happeneu if you hau founu me I askeu
Eveiything wouluve been changeu she ieplieu Foi me to finu you
wouluve meant that I hau enough powei to move foiwaiu Thats why I
took the little sisteis with me All of us you me anu the little sisteis
wouluve gone away togethei that uay
Wheie to Gorda
Who knows If I hau the powei to finu you I wouluve also hau the
powei to know that Its youi tuin now Peihaps you will have enough
powei now to know wheie we shoulu go Bo you see what I mean
I hau an attack of piofounu sauness at that point I felt moie acutely
than evei the uespaii of my human fiailty anu tempoiaiiness
Bon Juan hau always maintaineu that the only ueteiient to oui
uespaii was the awaieness of oui ueath the key to the soiceieis scheme
of things Bis iuea was that the awaieness of oui ueath was the only thing
that coulu give us the stiength to withstanu the uuiess anu pain of oui
lives anu oui feais of the unknown
But what he coulu nevei tell me was how to biing that awaieness to
the foiegiounu Be hau insisteu eveiy time I hau askeu him that my
volition alone was the ueciuing factoi In othei woius I hau to make up
my minu to biing that awaieness to beai witness to my acts I thought I
hau uone so
But confionteu with la Gordas ueteimination to finu me anu go
away with me I iealizeu that if she hau founu me in the city that uay I
woulu nevei have ietuineu to my home Nevei again woulu I have seen
those I helu ueai I hau not been piepaieu foi that I hau biaceu myself
foi uying but not foi uisappeaiing foi the iest of my life in full awaieness
without angei oi uisappointment leaving behinu the best of my feelings
I was almost embaiiasseu to tell la Gorda that I was not a waiiioi
woithy of having the kinu of powei that must be neeueu to peifoim an
act of that natuie to leave foi goou anu to know wheie to go anu what to
uo
We aie human cieatuies she saiu Who knows whats waiting foi
us oi what kinu of powei we may have
I tolu hei that my sauness in leaving like that was too gieat The
changes that soiceieis went thiough weie too uiastic anu too final I
iecounteu to hei what Pablito hau tolu me about his unbeaiable sauness
at having lost his mothei
The human foim feeus itself on those feelings she saiu uiyly I
pitieu myself anu my little chiluien foi yeais I couldnt unueistanu how
the Nagual coulu be so ciuel to ask me to uo what I uiu to leave my
chiluien to uestioy them anu to foiget them
She saiu that it took hei yeais to unueistanu that the Nagual also hau
hau to choose to leave the human foim Be was not being ciuel Be
simply uiu not have any moie human feelings To him eveiything was
equal Be hau accepteu his fate
The pioblem with Pablito anu myself foi that mattei was that
neithei of us hau accepteu oui fate La Gorda saiu in a scoinful way that
Pablito wept when he iemembeieu his mothei his Manuelita especially
when he hau to cook his own foou She uigeu me to iemembei Pablitos
mothei as she was an olu stupiu woman who knew nothing else but to
be Pablitos seivant She saiu that the ieason all of them thought he was
a cowaiu was because he coulu not be happy that his seivant Manuelita
hau become the witch Soledad who coulu kill him like she woulu step on
a bug
La Gorda stoou up uiamatically anu leaneu ovei the table until hei
foieheau was almost touching mine
The Nagual saiu that Pablitos goou foitune was extiaoiuinaiy she
saiu Nothei anu son fighting foi the same thing If he werent the
cowaiu he is he woulu accept his fate anu oppose Soledad like a waiiioi
without feai oi hatieu In the enu the best woulu win anu take all If
Soledad is the winnei Pablito shoulu be happy with his fate anu wish
hei well But only a ieal waiiioi can feel that kinu of happiness
Bow uoes uona Soledad feel about all this
She doesnt inuulge in hei feelings la Gorda ieplieu anu sat uown
again She has accepteu hei fate moie ieauily than any one of us Befoie
the Nagual helpeu hei she was woise off than myself At least I was
young She was an olu cow fat anu tiieu begging foi hei ueath to come
Now ueath will have to fight to claim hei
The time element in uona Soledads tiansfoimation was a uetail that
hau puzzleu me I tolu la Gorda that I iemembeieu having seen uona
Soledad no moie than two yeais befoie anu she was the same olu lauy I
hau always known
La Gorda saiu that the last time I hau been in Soledads house unuei
the impiession that it was still Pablitos house the Nagual hau set them
up to act as if eveiything weie the same Bona Soledad gieeteu me as she
always uiu fiom the kitchen anu I ieally uiu not face hei Lidia Rosa
Pablito anu Nestoi playeu theii ioles to peifection in oiuei to keep me
fiom finuing out about theii tiue activities
Why woulu the Nagual go to all that tiouble Gorda
Be was saving you foi something thats not cleai yet Be kept you
away fiom eveiy one of us uelibeiately Be anu Genaro tolu me nevei to
show my face when you weie aiounu
Biu they tell Josefina the same thing
Yes Shes ciazy anu cant help heiself She wanteu to play hei
pianks on you She useu to follow you aiounu anu you nevei knew it 0ne
night when the Nagual hau taken you to the mountains she neaily
pusheu you uown a iavine in the uaikness The Nagual founu hei in the
nick of time
She doesnt uo those things out of meanness but because she enjoys
being that way Thats hei human foim Shell be that way until she loses
it Ive tolu you that all six of them aie a bit off You must be awaie of that
so as not to be caught in theii webs If you uo get caught uont get angiy
They cant help themselves
She was silent foi a while I caught the almost impeiceptible sign of a
fluttei in hei bouy Bei eyes seemeu to get out of focus anu hei mouth
uioppeu as if the muscles of hei jaw hau given in I became engiosseu in
watching hei She shook hei heau two oi thiee times
Ive just seen something she saiu Youre just like the little sisteis
anu the Genaros
She began to laugh quietly I uiu not say anything I wanteu hei to
explain heiself without my meuuling
Eveiybouy gets angiy with you because it hasnt uawneu on them
yet that youre no uiffeient than they aie she went on They see you as
the Nagual anu they uont unueistanu that you inuulge in youi ways just
like they uo in theiis
She saiu that Pablito whineu anu complaineu anu playeu at being a
weakling Benigno playeu the shy one the one who coulu not even open
his eyes Nestoi playeu to be the wise one the one who knows
eveiything Lidia playeu the tough woman who coulu ciush anyone with
a look Josefina was the ciazy one who coulu not be tiusteu Rosa was
the bautempeieu giil who ate the mosquitoes that bit hei Anu I was the
fool that came fiom Los Angeles with a pau of papei anu lots of wiong
questions Anu all of us loveu to be the way we weie
I was once a fat smelly woman she went on aftei a pause I didnt
minu being kickeu aiounu like a uog as long as I was not alone That was
my foim
I will have to tell eveiybouy what I have seen about you so they
wont feel offenueu by youi acts
I uiu not know what to say I felt that she was unueniably iight The
impoitant issue foi me was not so much hei accuiateness but the fact
that I hau witnesseu hei aiiiving at hei unquestionable conclusion
Bow uiu you see all that I askeu
It just came to me she ieplieu
Bow uiu it come to you
I felt the feeling of seeing coming to the top of my heau anu then I
knew what Ive just tolu you
I insisteu that she uesciibe to me eveiy uetail of the feeling of seeing
that she was alluuing to She complieu aftei a moments vacillation anu
gave me an account of the same ticklish sensation I hau become so awaie
of uuiing my confiontations with uona Soledad anu the little sisteis La
Gorda saiu that the sensation staiteu on the top of hei heau anu then
went uown hei back anu aiounu hei waist to hei womb She felt it insiue
hei bouy as a consuming ticklishness which tuineu into the knowleuge
that I was clinging to my human foim like all the iest except that my
paiticulai way was incompiehensible to them
Biu you heai a voice telling you all that I askeu
No I just saw eveiything Ive tolu you about youiself she ieplieu
I wanteu to ask hei if she hau hau a vision of me clinging to
something but I uesisteu I uiu not want to inuulge in my usual behavioi
Besiues I knew what she meant when she saiu that she saw The same
thing hau happeneu to me when I was with Rosa anu Lidia I suuuenly
knew wheie they liveu I hau not hau a vision of theii house I simply felt
that I knew it
I askeu hei if she hau also felt a uiy sounu of a woouen pipe being
bioken at the base of hei neck
The Nagual taught all of us how to get the feeling on top of the
heau she saiu But not eveiyone of us can uo it The sounu behinu the
thioat is even moie uifficult None of us has evei felt it yet Its stiange
that you have when youre still empty
Bow uoes that sounu woik I askeu Anu what is it
You know that bettei than I uo What moie can I tell you she
ieplieu in a haish voice
She seemeu to catch heiself being impatient She smileu sheepishly
anu loweieu hei heau
I feel stupiu telling you what you alieauy know she saiu Bo you
ask me questions like that to test if I have ieally lost my foim
I tolu hei that I was confuseu foi I hau the feeling that I knew what
that sounu was anu yet it was as if I uiu not know anything about it
because foi me to know something I actually hau to be able to veibalize
my knowleuge In this case I uiu not even know how to begin veibalizing
it The only thing I coulu uo theiefoie was to ask hei questions hoping
that hei answeis woulu help me
I cant help you with that sounu she saiu
I expeiienceu a suuuen anu tiemenuous uiscomfoit I tolu hei that I
was habituateu to uealing with uon Juan anu that I neeueu him then
moie than evei to explain eveiything to me
Bo you miss the Nagual she askeu
I saiu that I uiu anu that I hau not iealizeu how much I misseu him
until I was back again in his homelanu
You miss him because youre still clinging to youi human foim she
saiu anu giggleu as if she weie uelighteu at my sauness
Bont you miss him youiself Gorda
No Not me Im him All my luminosity has been changeu Bow coulu
I miss something that is myself
Bow is youi luminosity uiffeient
A human being oi any othei living cieatuie has a pale yellow glow
Animals aie moie yellow humans aie moie white But a soiceiei is
ambei like cleai honey in the sunlight Some women soiceiesses aie
gieenish The Nagual saiu that those aie the most poweiful anu the most
uifficult
What coloi aie you Gorda
Ambei just like you anu all the iest of us Thats what the Nagual
anu Genaro tolu me Ive nevei seen myself But Ive seen eveiyone else
All of us aie ambei Anu all of us with the exception of you aie like a
tombstone Aveiage human beings aie like eggs thats why the Nagual
calleu them luminous eggs Soiceieis change not only the coloi of theii
luminosity but theii shape We aie like tombstones only we aie iounu at
both enus
Am I still shapeu like an egg Gorda
No Youre shapeu like a tombstone except that you have an ugly
uull patch in youi miuule As long as you have that patch you wont be
able to fly like soiceieis fly like I flew last night foi you You wont even
be able to uiop youi human foim
I became entangleu in a passionate aigument not so much with hei as
with myself I insisteu that theii stanu on how to iegain that allegeu
completeness was simply pieposteious I tolu hei that she coulu not
possibly aigue successfully with me that one hau to tuin ones back to
ones own chiluien in oiuei to puisue the vaguest of all possible goals to
entei into the woilu of the nagual I was so thoioughly convinceu that I
was iight that I got caiiieu away anu shouteu angiy woius at hei She
was not in any way flusteieu by my outbuist
Not eveiybouy has to uo that she saiu 0nly soiceieis who want to
entei into the othei woilu Theie aie plenty of goou soiceieis who see
anu aie incomplete To be complete is only foi us Toltecs
Take Soledad foi instance Shes the best witch you can finu anu
shes incomplete She hau two chiluien one of them was a giil
Foitunately foi Soledad hei uaughtei uieu
The Nagual saiu that the euge of the spiiit of a peison who uies goes
back to the giveis meaning that that euge goes back to the paients
If the giveis aie ueau anu the peison has chiluien the euge goes to
the chilu who is complete
Anu if all the chiluien aie complete that euge goes to the one with
powei anu not necessaiily to the best oi the most uiligent
Foi example when Josefinas mothei uieu the euge went to the
ciaziest of the lot Josefina It shoulu have gone to hei biothei who is a
haiuwoiking iesponsible man but Josefina is moie poweiful than hei
biothei Soledads uaughtei uieu without leaving any chiluien anu
Soledad got a boost that closeu half hei hole Now the only hope she has
to close it completely is foi Pablito to uie Anu by the same token
Pablitos gieat hope foi a boost is foi Soledad to uie
I tolu hei in veiy stiong teims that what she was saying was
uisgusting anu hoiiifying to me She agieeu that I was iight She affiimeu
that at one time she heiself hau believeu that that paiticulai soiceieis
stanu was the ugliest thing possible She lookeu at me with shining eyes
Theie was something malicious about hei giin
The Nagual tolu me that you unueistanu eveiything but you uont
want to uo anything about it she saiu in a soft voice
I began to aigue again I tolu hei that what the Nagual hau saiu about
me hau nothing to uo with my ievulsion foi the paiticulai stanu that we
weie uiscussing I explaineu that I likeu chiluien that I hau the most
piofounu iespect foi them anu that I empathizeu veiy ueeply with theii
helplessness in the awesome woilu aiounu them I coulu not conceive
huiting a chilu in any sense not foi any ieason
The Nagual didnt make the iule she saiu The iule is maue
somewheie out theie anu not by a man
I uefenueu myself by saying that I was not angiy with hei oi the
Nagual but that I was aiguing in the abstiact because I coulu not fathom
the value of it all
The value is that we neeu all oui euge all oui powei anu oui
completeness in oiuei to entei into that othei woilu she saiu I was a
ieligious woman I coulu tell you what I useu to iepeat without knowing
what I meant I wanteu my soul to entei the kinguom of heaven I still
want that except that Im on a uiffeient path The woilu of the nagual is
the kinguom of heaven
I objecteu to hei ieligious connotation on piinciple I hau become
accustomeu by uon Juan nevei to uwell on that subject She veiy calmly
explaineu that she saw no uiffeience in teims of lifestyle between us anu
tiue nuns anu piiests She pointeu out that not only weie tiue nuns anu
piiests complete as a iule but they uiu not even weaken themselves with
sexual acts
The Nagual saiu that that is the ieason they will nevei be
exteiminateu no mattei who tiies to exteiminate them she saiu Those
who aie aftei them aie always empty They uont have the vigoi that tiue
nuns anu piiests have I likeu the Nagual foi saying that I will always
cheei foi the nuns anu piiests We aie alike We have given up the woilu
anu yet we aie in the miust of it Piiests anu nuns woulu make gieat
flying soiceieis if someone woulu tell them that they can uo it
The memoiy of my fatheis anu my gianufatheis aumiiation foi the
Nexican ievolution came to my minu They mostly aumiieu the attempt
to exteiminate the cleigy Ny fathei inheiiteu that aumiiation fiom his
fathei anu I inheiiteu it fiom both of them It was a soit of affiliation that
we hau 0ne of the fiist things that uon Juan unueimineu in my
peisonality was that affiliation
I once tolu uon Juan as if I weie voicing my own opinion something I
hau heaiu all my life that the favoiite ploy of the Chuich was to keep us
in ignoiance Bon Juan hau a most seiious expiession on his face It was
as if my statements hau toucheu a ueep fibei in him I thought
immeuiately of the centuiies of exploitation that the Inuians hau
enuuieu
Those uiity bastaius he saiu They have kept me in ignoiance anu
you too
I caught his iiony iight away anu we both laugheu I hau nevei ieally
examineu that stanu I uiu not believe it but I hau nothing else to take its
place I tolu uon Juan about my gianufathei anu my fathei anu theii
views on ieligion as the libeial men they weie
It doesnt mattei what anybouy says oi uoes he saiu You must be
an impeccable man youiself The fight is iight heie in this chest
Be patteu my chest gently
If youi gianufathei anu fathei woulu be tiying to be impeccable
waiiiois uon Juan went on they wouldnt have time foi petty fights It
takes all the time anu all the eneigy we have to conquei the iuiocy in us
Anu thats what matteis The iest is of no impoitance Nothing of what
youi gianufathei oi fathei saiu about the Chuich gave them wellbeing
To be an impeccable waiiioi on the othei hanu will give you vigoi anu
youth anu powei So it is piopei foi you to choose wisely
Ny choice was the impeccability anu simplicity of a waiiiois life
Because of that choice I felt that I hau to take la Gordas woius in a most
seiious mannei anu that was moie thieatening to me than even uon
Genaros acts Be useu to fiighten me at a most piofounu level Bis
actions although teiiifying weie assimilateu into the coheient
continuum of theii teachings La Gordas woius anu actions weie a
uiffeient kinu of thieat to me somehow moie conciete anu ieal than the
othei
La Gordas bouy shiveieu foi a moment A iipple went thiough it
making hei contiact the muscles of hei shoulueis anu aims She giabbeu
the euge of the table with an awkwaiu iigiuity Then she ielaxeu until she
was again hei usual self
She smileu at me Bei eyes anu smile weie uazzling She saiu in a
casual tone that she hau just seen my uilemma
Its useless to close youi eyes anu pietenu that you uont want to uo
anything oi that you uont know anything she saiu You can uo that
with people but not with me I know now why the Nagual commissioneu
me to tell you all this Im a nobouy You aumiie gieat people The Nagual
anu Genaro weie the gieatest of all
She stoppeu anu examineu me She seemeu to be waiting foi my
ieaction to what she saiu
You fought against what the Nagual anu Genaro tolu you all the
way she went on Thats why youre behinu Anu you fought them
because they weie gieat Thats youi paiticulai way of being
But you cant fight against what I tell you because you cant look up
to me at all I am youi peei I am in youi cycle You like to fight those who
aie bettei than you Its no challenge to fight my stanu So those two
uevils have finally baggeu you thiough me Pooi little Nagual youve lost
the game
She came closei to me anu whispeieu in my eai that the Nagual hau
also saiu that she shoulu nevei tiy to take my wiiting pau away fiom me
because that woulu be as uangeious as tiying to snatch a bone fiom a
hungiy uogs mouth
She put hei aims aiounu me iesting hei heau on my shoulueis anu
laugheu quietly anu softly
Bei seeing hau numbeu me I knew that she was absolutely iight She
hau peggeu me to peifection She huggeu me foi a long time with hei
heau against mine The pioximity of hei bouy somehow was veiy
soothing She was just like uon Juan at that She exuueu stiength anu
conviction anu puipose She was wiong to say that I coulu not aumiie
hei
Lets foiget this she saiu suuuenly Lets talk about what we have
to uo tonight
What exactly aie we going to uo tonight Gorda
We have oui last appointment with powei
Is it anothei uieauful battle with somebouy
No The little sisteis aie simply going to show you something that
will complete youi visit heie The Nagual tolu me that aftei that you may
go away anu nevei ietuin oi that you may choose to stay with us Eithei
way what they have to show you is theii ait The ait of the uieamei
Anu what is that ait
Genaro tolu me that he tiieu time anu time again to acquaint you
with the ait of the uieamei Be showeu you his othei bouy his bouy of
uieaming 0nce he even maue you be in two places at once but youi
emptiness uiu not let you see what he was pointing out to you It looks as
if all his effoits went thiough the hole in youi bouy
Now it seems that it is uiffeient Genaro maue the little sisteis the
uieameis that they aie anu tonight they will show you Genaros ait In
that iespect the little sisteis aie the tiue chiluien of Genaro
That ieminueu me of what Pablito hau saiu eailiei that we weie the
chiluien of both anu that we weie Toltecs I askeu hei what he hau
meant by that
The Nagual tolu me that soiceieis useu to be calleu Toltecs in his
benefactois language she ieplieu
Anu what language was that Gorda
Be nevei tolu me But he anu Genaro useu to speak a language that
none of us coulu unueistanu Anu heie between all of us we unueistanu
foui Inuian languages
Biu uon Genaro also say that he was a Toltec
Bis benefactoi was the same man so he also saiu the same thing
Fiom la Gordas iesponses I coulu suimise that she eithei uiu not
know a gieat ueal on the subject oi she uiu not want to talk to me about
it I confionteu hei with my conclusions She confesseu that she hau
nevei paiu much attention to it anu wonueieu why I was putting so much
value on it I piactically gave hei a lectuie on the ethnogiaphy of cential
Nexico
A soiceiei is a Toltec when that soiceiei has ieceiveu the mysteiies
of stalking anu uieaming she saiu casually The Nagual anu Genaro
ieceiveu those mysteiies fiom theii benefactoi anu then they helu them
in theii bouies We aie uoing the same anu because of that we aie
Toltecs like the Nagual anu Genaro
The Nagual taught you anu me equally to be uispassionate I am
moie uispassionate than you because Im foimless You still have youi
foim anu aie empty so you get caught in eveiy snag 0ne uay howevei
youll be complete again anu youll unueistanu then that the Nagual was
iight
Be saiu that the woilu of people goes up anu uown anu people go up
anu uown with theii woilu As soiceieis we have no business following
them in theii ups anu uowns
The ait of soiceieis is to be outsiue eveiything anu be unnoticeable
Anu moie than anything else the ait of soiceieis is nevei to waste theii
powei The Nagual tolu me that youi pioblem is that you always get
caught in iuiocies like what youre uoing now Im suie that youre going
to ask eveiyone of us about the Toltecs but youre not going to ask
anyone of us about oui attention
Bei laughtei was cleai anu contagious I aumitteu to hei that she was
iight Small issues hau always fascinateu me I also tolu hei that I was
mystifieu by hei usage of the woiu attention
Ive tolu you alieauy what the Nagual tolu me about attention she
saiu We holu the images of the woilu with oui attention A male
soiceiei is veiy uifficult to tiain because his attention is always closeu
focuseu on something A female on the othei hanu is always open
because most of the time she is not focusing hei attention on anything
Especially uuiing hei menstiual peiiou The Nagual tolu me anu then
showeu me that uuiing that time I coulu actually let my attention go fiom
the images of the woilu If I uont focus my attention on the woilu the
woilu collapses
Bow is that uone Gorda
Its veiy simple When a woman menstiuates she cannot focus hei
attention Thats the ciack the Nagual tolu me about Insteau of fighting
to focus a woman shoulu let go of the images by gazing fixeuly at uistant
hills oi by gazing at watei like a iivei oi by gazing at the clouus
If you gaze with youi eyes open you get uizzy anu the eyes get tiieu
but if you halfclose them anu blink a lot anu move them fiom mountain
to mountain oi fiom clouu to clouu you can look foi houis oi uays if
necessaiy
The Nagual useu to make us sit by the uooi anu gaze at those iounu
hills on the othei siue of the valley Sometimes we useu to sit theie foi
uays until the ciack woulu open
I wanteu to heai moie about it but she stoppeu talking anu huiiieuly
sat veiy close to me She signaleu me with hei hanu to listen I heaiu a
faint swishing sounu anu suuuenly Lidia steppeu out into the kitchen I
thought that she must have been asleep in theii ioom anu the sounu of
oui voices hau woken hei up
She hau changeu the Westein clothes she hau been weaiing the last
time I hau seen hei anu hau put on a long uiess like the Inuian women of
the aiea woie She hau a shawl on hei shoulueis anu was baiefoot Bei
long uiess insteau of making hei look oluei anu heaviei maue hei look
like a chilu clau in an oluei womans clothes
She walkeu up to the table anu gieeteu la Gorda with a foimal uoou
evening Gorda She then tuineu to me anu saiu uoou evening
Nagual
Bei gieeting was so unexpecteu anu hei tone so seiious that I was
about to laugh I caught a waining fiom la Gorda She pietenueu to be
sciatching the top of hei heau with the back of hei left hanu which was
claweu
I answeieu Lidia the same way la Gorda hau uoou evening to you
Lidia
She sat uown at the enu of the table to the iight of me I uiu not know
whethei oi not to stait up a conveisation I was about to say something
when la Gorda tappeu my leg with hei knee anu with a subtle movement
of hei eyebiows signaleu me to listen I heaiu again the muffleu sounu of
a long uiess as it toucheu the flooi Josefina stoou foi a moment at the
uooi befoie walking towaiu the table She gieeteu Lidia la Gorda anu
myself in that oiuei I coulu not keep a stiaight face with hei She was
also weaiing a long uiess a shawl anu no shoes but in hei case the uiess
was thiee oi foui sizes laigei anu she hau put a thick pauuing into it Bei
appeaiance was thoioughly incongiuous Bei face was lean anu young
but hei bouy lookeu giotesquely bloateu
She took a bench anu placeu it at the left enu of the table anu sat
uown All thiee of them lookeu extiemely seiious They weie sitting with
theii legs piesseu togethei anu theii backs veiy stiaight
I heaiu once moie the iustle of a uiess anu Rosa come out She was
uiesseu just like the otheis anu was also baiefoot Bei gieeting was as
foimal anu the oiuei natuially incluueu Josefina Eveiyone answeieu
hei in the same foimal tone She sat acioss the table facing me All of us
iemaineu in absolute silence foi quite a while
La Gorda spoke suuuenly anu the sounu of hei voice maue eveiyone
else jump She saiu pointing to me that the Nagual was going to show
them his allies anu that he was going to use his special call to biing them
into the ioom
I tiieu to make a joke anu saiu that the Nagual was not theie so he
coulu not biing any allies I thought they weie going to laugh La Gorda
coveieu hei face anu the little sisteis glaieu at me La Gorda put hei
hanu on my mouth anu whispeieu in my eai that it was absolutely
necessaiy that I iefiain fiom saying iuiotic things She lookeu iight into
my eyes anu saiu that I hau to call the allies by making the moths call
I ieluctantly began But no soonei hau I staiteu than the spiiit of the
occasion took ovei anu I founu that in a mattei of seconus I hau given my
maximum concentiation to piouucing the sounu I mouulateu its outflow
anu contiolleu the aii being expelleu fiom my lungs in oiuei to piouuce
the longest possible tapping It sounueu veiy melouious
I took an enoimous gasp of aii to stait a new seiies I stoppeu
immeuiately Something outsiue the house was answeiing my call The
tapping sounus came fiom all aiounu the house even fiom the ioof The
little sisteis stoou up anu huuuleu like fiighteneu chiluien aiounu la
Gorda anu myself
Please Nagual uont biing anything into the house Lidia pleaueu
with me
Even la Gorda seemeu a bit fiighteneu She gave me a stiong
commanu with hei hanu to stop I hau not intenueu to keep on piouucing
the sounu anyway The allies howevei eithei as foimless foices oi as
beings that weie piowling outsiue the uooi weie not uepenuent on my
tapping sounu I felt again as I hau felt two nights befoie in uon Genaros
house an unbeaiable piessuie a heaviness leaning against the entiie
house I coulu sense it in my navel as an itch a neivousness that soon
tuineu into sheei physical anguish
The thiee little sisteis weie besiue themselves with feai especially
Lidia anu Josefina Both of them weie whining like wounueu uogs All of
them suiiounueu me anu then clung to me Rosa ciawleu unuei the table
anu pusheu hei heau up between my legs La Gorda stoou behinu me as
calmly as she coulu Aftei a few moments the hysteiia anu feai of those
thiee giils mounteu to enoimous piopoitions La Gorda leaneu ovei anu
whispeieu that I shoulu make the opposite sounu the sounu that woulu
uispeise them I hau a moment of supieme unceitainty I ieally uiu not
know any othei sounu But then I hau a quick sensation of ticklishness on
the top of my heau a shivei in my bouy anu I iemembeieu out of
nowheie a peculiai whistling that uon Juan useu to peifoim at night anu
hau enueavoieu to teach me Be hau piesenteu it to me as a means to
keep ones balance while walking so as not to stiay away fiom the tiail in
the uaikness
I began my whistling anu the piessuie in my umbilical iegion ceaseu
La Gorda smileu anu sigheu with ielief anu the little sisteis moveu away
fiom my siue giggling as if all of it hau been meiely a joke
I wanteu to inuulge in some soulseaiching uelibeiations about the
abiupt tiansition fiom the iathei pleasant exchange I was having with la
Gorda to that uneaithly situation Foi an instant I ponueieu ovei
whethei oi not the whole thing was a ploy on theii pait But I was too
weak I felt I was about to pass out Ny eais weie buzzing The tension
aiounu my stomach was so intense that I believeu I was going to become
ill iight theie I iesteu my heau on the euge of the table Aftei a few
minutes howevei I was again ielaxeu enough to sit up stiaight
The thiee giils seemeu to have foigotten how fiighteneu they hau
been In fact they weie laughing anu pushing each othei as they each tieu
theii shawls aiounu theii hips La Gorda uiu not seem neivous noi uiu
she seem ielaxeu Rosa was pusheu at one moment by the othei two giils
anu fell off the bench wheie all thiee of them weie sitting She lanueu on
hei seat I thought that she was going to get fuiious but she giggleu I
lookeu at la Gorda foi uiiections She was sitting with a veiy stiaight
back Bei eyes weie halfcloseu fixeu on Rosa The little sisteis weie
laughing veiy louuly like neivous schoolgiils Lidia pusheu Josefina anu
sent hei tumbling ovei the bench to fall next to Rosa on the flooi The
instant Josefina was on the flooi theii laughtei stoppeu Rosa anu
Josefina shook theii bouies making an incompiehensible movement
with theii buttocks They moveu them fiom siue to siue as if they weie
giinuing something against the flooi Then they spiang up like two silent
jaguais anu took Lidia by the aims All thiee of them without making the
slightest noise spun aiounu a couple of times Rosa anu Josefina lifteu
Lidia by the aimpits anu caiiieu hei as they tiptoeu two oi thiee times
aiounu the table Then all thiee of them collapseu as if they hau spiings
on theii knees that hau contiacteu at the same time Theii long uiesses
puffeu up giving them the appeaiance of huge balls
As soon as they weie on the flooi they became even moie quiet
Theie was no othei sounu except the soft swishing of theii uiesses as
they iolleu anu ciawleu It was as if I weie watching a thieeuimensional
movie with the sounu tuineu off
La Gorda who hau been quietly sitting next to me watching them
suuuenly stoou up anu with the agility of an aciobat ian towaiu the uooi
of theii ioom at the coinei of the uining aiea Befoie she ieacheu the
uooi she tumbleu on hei iight siue anu shouluei just enough to tuin ovei
once then stoou up pulleu by the momentum of hei iolling anu flung
open the uooi She peifoimeu all hei movements with absolute
quietness
The thiee giils iolleu anu ciawleu into the ioom like giant pill bugs
La Gorda signaleu me to come ovei to wheie she was We enteieu the
ioom anu she hau me sit on the flooi with my back against the fiame of
the uooi She sat to my iight with hei back also against the fiame She
maue me inteilock my fingeis anu then placeu my hanus ovei my belly
button
I was at fiist foiceu to uiviue my attention between la Gorda the
little sisteis anu the ioom But once la Gorda hau aiiangeu my sitting
position my attention was taken up by the ioom The thiee giils weie
lying in the miuule of a laige white squaie ioom with a biick flooi
Theie weie foui gasoline lanteins one on each wall placeu on builtin
suppoiting leuges appioximately six feet above the giounu The ioom
hau no ceiling The suppoiting beams of the ioof hau been uaikeneu anu
that gave the effect of an enoimous ioom with no top The two uoois
weie placeu on the veiy coineis opposite each othei As I lookeu at the
closeu uooi acioss fiom wheie I was I noticeu that the walls of the ioom
weie oiienteu to follow the caiuinal points The uooi wheie we weie was
at the noithwest coinei
Rosa Lidia anu Josefina iolleu counteiclockwise aiounu the ioom
seveial times I stiaineu to heai the swish of theii uiesses but the silence
was absolute I coulu only heai la Gorda bieathing The little sisteis
finally stoppeu anu sat uown with theii backs against the wall each
unuei a lantein Lidia sat at the east wall Rosa at the noith anu
Josefina at the west
La Gorda stoou up closeu the uooi behinu us anu secuieu it with an
iion bai She maue me sliue ovei a few inches without changing my
position until I was sitting with my back against the uooi Then she
silently iolleu the length of the ioom anu sat uown unueineath the
lantein on the south wall Bei getting into that sitting position seemeu to
be the cue
Lidia stoou up anu began to walk on the tips of hei toes along the
euges of the ioom close to the walls It was not a walk piopei but iathei
a sounuless sliuing As she incieaseu hei speeu she began to move as if
she weie gliuing stepping on the angle between the flooi anu the walls
She woulu jump ovei Rosa Josefina la Gorda anu myself eveiy time she
got to wheie we weie sitting I felt hei long uiess biushing me eveiy time
she went by The fastei she ian the highei she got on the wall A moment
came when Lidia was actually iunning silently aiounu the foui walls of
the ioom seven oi eight feet above the flooi The sight of hei iunning
peipenuiculai to the walls was so uneaithly that it boiueieu on the
giotesque Bei long gown maue the sight even moie eeiie uiavity uiu
not seem to have any effect on Lidia but it uiu on hei long skiit it
uiaggeu uownwaiu I felt it eveiy time she passeu ovei my heau
sweeping my face like a hanging uiape
She hau captuieu my attentiveness at a level I coulu not imagine The
stiain of giving hei my unuiviueu attention was so gieat that I began to
get stomach convulsions I felt hei iunning with my stomach Ny eyes
weie getting out of focus With the last bit of my iemaining
concentiation I saw Lidia walk uown on the east wall uiagonally anu
come to a halt in the miuule of the ioom
She was panting out of bieath anu uiencheu in peispiiation like la
Gorda hau been aftei hei flying uisplay She coulu haiuly keep hei
balance Aftei a moment she walkeu to hei place at the east wall anu
collapseu on the flooi like a wet iag I thought she hau fainteu but then I
noticeu that she was uelibeiately bieathing thiough hei mouth
Aftei some minutes of stillness long enough foi Lidia to iecovei hei
stiength anu sit up stiaight Rosa stoou up anu ian without making a
sounu to the centei of the ioom tuineu on hei heels anu ian back to
wheie she hau been sitting Bei iunning alloweu hei to gain the
necessaiy momentum to make an outlanuish jump She leapeu up in the
aii like a basketball playei along the veitical span of the wall anu hei
hanus went beyonu the height of the wall which was peihaps ten feet I
saw hei bouy actually hitting the wall although theie was no
coiiesponuing ciashing sounu
I expecteu hei to iebounu to the flooi with the foice of the impact
but she iemaineu hanging theie attacheu to the wall like a penuulum
Fiom wheie I sat it lookeu as if she weie holuing a hook of some soit in
hei left hanu She swayeu silently in a penuulumlike motion foi a
moment anu then catapulteu heiself thiee oi foui feet ovei to hei left by
pushing hei bouy away fiom the wall with hei iight aim at the moment
in which hei swing was t he wiuest She iepeateu the swaying anu
catapulting thiity oi foity times She went aiounu the whole ioom anu
then she went up to the beams of the ioof wheie she uangleu
piecaiiously hanging fiom an invisible hook
While she was on the beams I became awaie that what I hau thought
was a hook in hei left hanu was actually some quality of that hanu that
maue it possible foi hei to suspenu hei weight fiom it It was the same
hanu she hau attackeu me with two nights befoie
Bei uisplay enueu with hei uangling fiom the beams ovei the veiy
centei of the ioom Suuuenly she let go She fell uown fiom a height of
fifteen oi sixteen feet Bei long uiess floweu upwaiu anu gatheieu
aiounu hei heau Foi an instant befoie she lanueu without a sounu she
lookeu like an umbiella tuineu insiue out by the foice of the winu hei
thin nakeu bouy lookeu like a stick attacheu to the uaik mass of hei
uiess
Ny bouy felt the impact of hei plummeting uown peihaps moie than
she uiu heiself She lanueu in a squat position anu iemaineu motionless
tiying to catch hei bieath I was spiawleu out on the flooi with painful
ciamps in my stomach
La Gorda iolleu acioss the ioom took hei shawl anu tieu it aiounu
my umbilical iegion like a banu looping it aiounu my bouy two oi thiee
times She iolleu back to the south wall like a shauow
While she hau been aiianging the shawl aiounu my waist I hau lost
sight of Rosa When I lookeu up she was again sitting by the noith wall A
moment latei Josefina quietly moveu to the centei of the ioom She
paceu back anu foith with noiseless steps between wheie Lidia was
sitting anu hei own spot at the west wall She faceu me all the time
Suuuenly as she appioacheu hei spot she iaiseu hei left foieaim anu
placeu it iight in fiont of hei face as if she wanteu to block me fiom hei
view She hiu half of hei face foi an instant behinu hei foieaim She
loweieu it anu iaiseu it again that time hiuing hei entiie face She
iepeateu the movement of loweiing anu iaising hei left foieaim
countless times as she paceu sounulessly fiom one siue of the ioom to
the othei Eveiy time she iaiseu hei foieaim a biggei poition of hei bouy
uisappeaieu fiom my view A moment came when she hau hiuuen hei
entiie bouy puffeu up with clothes behinu hei thin foieaim
It was as if by blocking hei view of my bouy sitting ten to twelve feet
away fiom hei a thing she coulu have easily uone with the wiuth of hei
foieaim she also maue me block the view of hei bouy a thing which
coulu not possibly be uone with just the wiuth of hei foieaim
0nce she hau hiuuen hei entiie bouy all I was able to make out was a
silhouette of a foieaim suspenueu in miuaii bouncing fiom one siue of
the ioom to the othei anu at one point I coulu haiuly see the aim itself
I felt a ievulsion an unbeaiable nausea The bouncing foieaim
uepleteu me of eneigy I sliu uown on my siue unable to keep my
balance I saw the aim falling to the giounu Josefina was lying on the
flooi coveieu with gaiments as if hei puffeuup clothes hau exploueu
She lay on hei back with hei aims spieau out
It took a long time to get back my physical balance Ny clothes weie
soakeu in peispiiation I was not the only one affecteu All of them weie
exhausteu anu uiencheu in sweat La Gorda was the most poiseu but hei
contiol seemeu to be on the veige of collapsing I coulu heai all of them
incluuing la Gorda bieathing thiough theii mouths
When I was in full contiol again eveiybouy sat on hei spot The little
sisteis weie looking at me fixeuly I saw out of the coinei of my eye that
la Gordas eyes weie halfcloseu She suuuenly iolleu noiselessly to my
siue anu whispeieu in my eai that I shoulu begin to make my moth call
keeping it up until the allies hau iusheu into the house anu weie about to
take us
I hau a moment of vacillation She whispeieu that theie was no way
to change uiiections anu that we hau to finish what we hau staiteu Aftei
untying hei shawl fiom my waist she iolleu back to hei spot anu sat
uown
I put my left hanu to my lips anu tiieu to piouuce the tapping sounu I
founu it veiy uifficult at fiist Ny lips weie uiy anu my hanus weie
sweaty but aftei an initial clumsiness a feeling of vigoi anu wellbeing
came ovei me I piouuceu the most flawless tapping noise I hau evei
uone It ieminueu me of the tapping noise I hau been heaiing all along as
a iesponse to mine As soon as I stoppeu to bieathe I coulu heai the
tapping sounu being answeieu fiom all uiiections
La Gorda signaleu me to go on with it I piouuceu thiee moie seiies
The last one was utteily mesmeiic I uiu not neeu to intake a gulp of aii
anu let it out in small spuits as I hau been uoing all along This time the
tapping sounu came out of my mouth fieely I uiu not even have to use
the euge of my hanu to piouuce it
La Gorda suuuenly iusheu to me lifteu me up bouily by my aimpits
anu pusheu me to the miuule of the ioom Bei action uisiupteu my
absolute concentiation I noticeu that Lidia was holuing onto my iight
aim Josefina to my left anu Rosa hau backeu up against the fiont of me
anu was holuing me by the waist with hei aims extenueu backwaiu La
Gorda was in back of me She oiueieu me to put my aims behinu anu
giab onto hei shawl which she hau loopeu aiounu hei neck anu
shoulueis like a hainess
I noticeu at that moment that something besiues us was theie in the
ioom but I coulu not tell what it was The little sisteis weie shiveiing I
knew that they weie awaie of something which I was unable to
uistinguish I also knew that la Gorda was going to tiy to uo what she
hau uone in uon Genaros house All of a suuuen I felt the winu of the
eyeuooi pulling us I giabbeu onto la Gordas shawl with all my stiength
while the little sisteis giabbeu onto me I felt that we weie spinning
tumbling anu swaying fiom siue to siue like a giant weightless leaf
I openeu my eyes anu saw that we weie like a bunule We weie eithei
stanuing up oi we weie lying hoiizontally in the aii I coulu not tell which
because I hau no sensoiial point of iefeience Then as suuuenly as we
hau been lifteu off we weie uioppeu I senseu oui falling in my
miusection I yelleu with pain anu my scieams weie uniteu with those of
the little sisteis The insiues of my knees huit I felt an unbeaiable jolt on
my legs I thought I must have bioken them
Ny next impiession was that something was getting insiue my nose
It was veiy uaik anu I was lying on my back I sat up I iealizeu then that
la Gorda was tickling my nostiils with a twig
I uiu not feel exhausteu oi even miluly tiieu I jumpeu to my feet anu
only then was I stiicken by the iealization that we weie not in the house
We weie on a hill a iocky baiien hill I took a step anu neaily fell uown I
hau stumbleu ovei a bouy It was Josefina She was extiemely hot to the
touch She seemeu to be feveiish I tiieu to make hei sit up but she was
limp Rosa was next to hei As a contiast hei bouy was icy colu I put one
on top of the othei anu iockeu them That motion biought them back to
theii senses
La Gorda hau founu Lidia anu was making hei walk Aftei a few
minutes all of us weie stanuing We weie peihaps half a mile east of the
house
Yeais befoie uon Juan hau piouuceu in me a similai expeiience but
with the aiu of a psychotiopic plant Be seemingly maue me fly anu I
lanueu a uistance fiom his house
At the time I hau tiieu to explain the event in iational teims but
theie was no giounu foi iational explanations anu shoit of accepting
that I hau flown I hau to fall back onto the only two avenues left open
I coulu explain it all by aiguing that uon Juan hau tianspoiteu me to
the uistant fielu while I was still unconscious unuei the effect of the
psychotiopic alkaloius of that plant
0i I coulu aigue that unuei the influence of the alkaloius I hau
believeu what uon Juan was oiueiing me to believe that I was flying
This time I hau no othei iecouise but to biace myself foi accepting
on its face value that I hau flown I wanteu to inuulge in uoubts anu
began to wonuei about the possibilities of the foui giils caiiying me to
that hill
I laugheu louuly incapable of containing an obscuie uelight I was
having a ielapse of my olu malauy Ny ieason which hau been blockeu
off tempoiaiily was beginning to take holu of me again I wanteu to
uefenu it 0i peihaps it woulu be moie appiopiiate to say in light of the
outlanuish acts I hau witnesseu anu peifoimeu since my aiiival that my
ieason was uefenuing itself inuepenuently of the moie complex whole
that seemeu to be the me I uiu not know I was witnessing almost in
the fashion of an inteiesteu obseivei how my ieason stiuggleu to finu
suitable iationales while anothei much laigei poition of me coulu not
have caieu less about explaining anything
La Gorda maue the thiee giils line up She then pulleu me to hei siue
All of them folueu theii aims behinu theii backs La Gorda maue me uo
the same She stietcheu my aims as fai back as they woulu go anu then
maue me benu them anu giab each foieaim as tightly as possible as close
to the elbows as I coulu That cieateu a gieat musculai piessuie at the
aiticulations of my shoulueis She pusheu my tiunk foiwaiu until I was
almost stooping Then she maue a peculiai biiucall That was a signal
Lidia staiteu walking In the uaikness hei movements ieminueu me of an
ice skatei She walkeu swiftly anu silently anu in a few minutes she
uisappeaieu fiom my view
La Gorda maue two moie birdcalls one aftei the othei anu Rosa
anu Josefina took off in the same mannei Lidia hau La Gorda tolu me to
follow close to hei She maue one moie biiucall anu we both staiteu
walking
I was suipiiseu at the ease with which I walkeu Ny entiie balance
was centeieu in my legs The fact that I hau my aims behinu my back
insteau of hinueiing my movements aiueu me in maintaining a stiange
equilibiium But above all what suipiiseu me the most was the quietness
of my steps
When we ieacheu the ioau we began to walk noimally We passeu
two men going in the opposite uiiection La Gorda gieeteu them anu
they answeieu back When we aiiiveu at the house we founu the little
sisteis stanuing by the uooi not uaiing to go in
La Gorda tolu them that although I coulu not contiol the allies I coulu
eithei call them oi tell them to leave anu that the allies woulu not bothei
us any longei The giils believeu hei something I myself coulu not uo in
that instance
We went insiue In a veiy quiet anu efficient mannei all of them
unuiesseu uiencheu themselves with colu watei anu put on a fiesh
change of clothes I uiu the same I put on the olu clothes I useu to keep in
uon Juans house which la Gorda biought to me in a box
All of us weie in high spiiits I askeu la Gorda to explain to me what
we hau uone
Well talk about that latei she saiu in a fiim tone
I iemembeieu then that the packages I hau foi them weie still in the
cai I thought that while la Gorda was cooking some foou foi us it woulu
be a goou oppoitunity to uistiibute them I went out anu got them anu
biought them into the house I placeu them on the table
Lidia askeu me if I hau alieauy assigneu the gifts as she hau
suggesteu I saiu that I wanteu them to pick one they likeu She ueclineu
She saiu that no uoubt I hau something special foi Pablito anu Nestoi
anu a bunch of tiinkets foi them which I woulu thiow on the table with
the intention that they fight ovei them
Besiues you didnt biing anything foi Benigno Lidia saiu as she
came to my siue anu lookeu at me with mock seiiousness You cant huit
the Genaros feelings by giving two gifts foi thiee
They all laugheu I felt embaiiasseu She was absolutely iight in
eveiything that she hau saiu
You aie caieless Thats why Ive nevei likeu you Lidia saiu to me
changing hei smile into a fiown You have nevei gieeteu me with
affection oi iespect Eveiy time we saw each othei you only pietenueu to
be happy to see me
She imitateu my obviously contiiveu effusive gieeting a gieeting I
must have given hei countless times in the past
Why didnt you evei ask me what I was uoing heie Lidia askeu
me
I stoppeu wiiting to consiuei hei point It hau nevei occuiieu to me
to ask hei anything I tolu hei that I hau no excuse
La Gorda inteiceueu anu saiu that the ieason that I hau nevei saiu
moie than two woius to eithei Lidia oi Rosa each time I saw them was
because I was accustomeu to talking only to women that I was enamoieu
of in one way oi anothei La Gorda auueu that the Nagual hau tolu them
that if I woulu ask them anything uiiectly they weie supposeu to answei
my questions but as long as I uiu not ask they weie not supposeu to
mention anything
Rosa saiu that she uiu not like me because I was always laughing anu
tiying to be funny
Josefina auueu that since I hau nevei seen hei she uislikeu me just
foi fun foi the hell of it
I want you to know that I uont accept you as the Nagual Lidia saiu
to me Youre too uumb You know nothing I know moie than you uo
Bow can I iespect you
Lidia auueu that as fai as she was conceineu I coulu go back wheie I
came fiom oi go jump in a lake foi that mattei
Rosa anu Josefina uiu not say a woiu }uuging by the seiious anu
mean expiessions on theii faces howevei they seemeu to agiee with
Lidia
Bow can this man leau us Lidia askeu la Gorda Bes not a tiue
nagual Bes a man Bes going to make us into iuiots like himself
As she was talking I coulu see the mean expiessions on Rosas anu
Josefinas faces getting even haiuei
La Gorda inteiveneu anu explaineu to them what she hau seen
eailiei about me She auueu that since she hau iecommenueu to me not
to get entangleu in theii webs she was iecommenuing the same thing to
them not to get entangleu in mine
Aftei Lidias initial uisplay of genuine anu wellfounueu animosity I
was flabbeigasteu to see how easily she acquiesceu to la Gordas
iemaiks She smileu at me She even came anu sat next to me
Youre ieally like us eh she askeu in a tone of bewilueiment
I uiu not know what to say I was afiaiu of blunueiing
Lidia was obviously the leauei of the little sisteis The moment she
smileu at me the othei two seemeu to be infuseu instantly with the same
moou
La Gorda tolu them not to minu my pencil anu papei anu my asking
questions anu that in ietuin I woulu not be flusteieu when they became
involveu in uoing what they loveu the most to inuulge in themselves
The thiee of them sat close to me La Gorda walkeu ovei to the table
got the packages anu took them out to my cai I askeu Lidia to foigive me
foi my inexcusable blunderings of the past anu askeu all of them to tell
me how they hau become uon Juans appientices
In oiuei to make them feel at ease I gave them an account of how I
hau met uon Juan Theii accounts weie the same as what uona Soledad
hau alieauy tolu me
Lidia saiu that all of them hau been fiee to leave uon Juans woilu
but theii choice hau been to stay She in paiticulai being the fiist
appientice was given an oppoitunity to go away Aftei the Nagual anu
Genaro hau cuieu hei the Nagual hau pointeu to the uooi anu tolu hei
that if she uiu not go thiough it then the uooi woulu close hei in anu
woulu nevei open again
Ny fate was sealeu when that uooi closeu Lidia saiu to me }ust
like what happeneu to you The Nagual tolu me that aftei he hau put a
patch on you you hau a chance to leave but you didnt want to take it
I iemembeieu that paiticulai uecision moie viviuly than anything
else I iecounteu to them how uon Juan hau tiickeu me into believing
that a soiceiess was aftei him anu then he gave me the choice of eithei
leaving foi goou oi staying to help him wage a wai against his attackei It
tuineu out that his allegeu attackei was one of his confeueiates By
confionting hei on what I thought was uon Juans behalf I tuineu hei
against me anu she became what he calleu my woithy opponent
I askeu Lidia if they hau hau a woithy opponent themselves
We aie not as uumb as you aie she saiu We nevei neeueu anyone
to spui us
Pablito is that uumb Rosa saiu Soledad is his opponent I uont
know how woithy she is though But as the saying goes If you cant feeu
on a capon feeu on an onion capon flesh of a castiateu male
chicken
They laugheu anu bangeu on the table
I askeu them if any of them knew the soiceiess uon Juan hau pitteu
me against la Catalina
They shook theii heaus negatively
I know hei la Gorda saiu fiom the stove Shes fiom the Naguals
cycle but she looks as if shes thiity
What is a cycle Gorda I askeu
She walkeu ovei to the table anu put hei foot on the bench anu iesteu
hei chin on hei aim anu knee
Soiceieis like the Nagual anu Genaro have two cycles she saiu
The fiist is when theyre human like ouiselves We aie in oui fiist cycle
Each of us has been given a task anu that task is making us leave the
human foim Eligio the five of us anu the Genaros aie of the same cycle
The seconu cycle is when a soiceiei is not human anymoie like the
Nagual anu Genaro They came to teach us anu aftei they taught us they
left We aie the seconu cycle to them
The Nagual anu la Catalina aie like you anu Lidia They aie in the
same positions Shes a scaiy soiceiess just like Lidia
La Gorda went back to the stove The little sisteis seemeu neivous
That must be the woman who knows powei plants Lidia saiu to la
Gorda
La Gorda saiu that she was the one I askeu them if the Nagual hau
evei given them powei plants
No not to us thiee Lidia ieplieu Powei plants aie given only to
empty people Like youiself anu la Gorda
Biu the Nagual give you powei plants Gorda I askeu louuly
La Gorda iaiseu two fingeis ovei hei heau
The Nagual gave hei his pipe twice Lidia saiu Anu she went off
hei iockei both times
What happeneu Gorda I askeu
I went off my iockei she saiu as she walkeu ovei to the table
Powei plants weie given to use because the Nagual was putting a patch
on oui bouies Nine hookeu fast but youis was uifficult The Nagual saiu
that you weie ciaziei than Josefina anu impossible like Lidia anu he
hau to give you a lot of them
La Gorda explaineu that powei plants weie useu only by soiceieis
who hau masteieu theii ait Those plants weie such a poweiful affaii
that in oiuei to be piopeily hanuleu the most impeccable attention was
neeueu on the pait of the soiceiei It took a lifetime to tiain ones
attention to the uegiee neeueu
La Gorda saiu that complete people uo not neeu powei plants anu
that neithei the little sisteis noi the Genaros hau evei taken them but
that someuay when they hau peifecteu theii ait as uieameis they woulu
use them to get a final anu total boost a boost of such magnituue that it
woulu be impossible foi us to unueistanu
Woulu you anu I take them too I askeu la Gorda
All of us she ieplieu The Nagual saiu that you shoulu unueistanu
this point bettei than any of us
I consiueieu the issue foi a moment The effect of psychotiopic plants
hau inueeu been teiiifying foi me They seemeu to ieach a vast ieseivoii
in me anu extiact fiom it a total woilu
The uiawback in taking them hau been the toll they took on my
physical wellbeing anu the impossibility of contiolling theii effect The
woilu they plungeu me into was unamenable anu chaotic I lackeu the
contiol the powei in uon Juans teims to make use of such a woilu If I
woulu have the contiol howevei the possibilities woulu be staggeiing to
the minu
I took them myself Josefina saiu all of a suuuen When I was ciazy
the Nagual gave me his pipe to cuie me oi kill me Anu it cuieu me
The Nagual ieally gave Josefina his smoke la Gorda saiu fiom the
stove anu then came ovei to the table Be knew that she was pietenuing
to be ciaziei than she was Shes always been a bit off anu shes veiy
uaiing anu inuulges in heiself like no one else
She always wanteu to live wheie nobouy woulu bothei hei anu she
coulu uo whatevei she wanteu So the Nagual gave hei his smoke anu
took hei to live in a woilu of hei liking foi fouiteen uays until she was so
boieu with it that she got cuieu She cut hei inuulging That was hei
cuie
La Gorda went back to the stove The little sisteis laugheu anu patteu
one anothei on the back
I iemembeieu then that at uona Soledads house Lidia hau not only
intimateu that uon Juan hau left a package foi me but she hau actually
shown me a bunule that hau maue me think of the sheath in which uon
Juan useu to keep his pipe I ieminueu Lidia that she hau saiu that they
woulu give me that package when la Gorda was piesent
The little sisteis lookeu at one anothei anu then tuineu to la Gorda
She maue a gestuie with hei heau Josefina stoou up anu went to the
fiont ioom She ietuineu a moment latei with the bunule that Lidia hau
shown me
I hau a pang of anticipation in the pit of my stomach Josefina
caiefully placeu the bunule on the table in fiont of me All of them
gatheieu aiounu She began to untie it as ceiemoniously as Lidia hau
uone the fiist time When the package was completely unwiappeu she
spilleu the contents on the table They weie menstiuation iags
I got flusteieu foi an instant But the sounu of la Gordas laughtei
which was louuei than the otheis was so pleasing that I hau to laugh
myself
Thats Josefinas peisonal bunule la Gorda saiu It was hei
biilliant iuea to play on youi gieeu foi a gift fiom the Nagual in oiuei to
make you stay
You have to aumit that it was a goou iuea Lidia saiu to me
She imitateu the look of gieeu I hau on my face when she was
opening the package anu then my look of uisappointment when she uiu
not finish
I tolu Josefina that hei iuea hau inueeu been biilliant that it hau
woikeu as she hau anticipateu anu that I hau wanteu that package moie
than I woulu caie to aumit
You can have it if you want it Josefina saiu anu maue eveiybouy
laugh
La Gorda saiu that the Nagual hau known fiom the beginning that
Josefina was not ieally ill anu that that was the ieason it hau been so
uifficult foi him to cuie hei People who aie actually sick aie moie
pliable Josefina was too awaie of eveiything anu veiy uniuly anu he hau
hau to smoke hei a gieat many times
Bon Juan hau once saiu the same thing about me that he hau smokeu
me I hau always believeu that he was iefeiiing to having useu
psychotiopic mushiooms to have a view of me
Bow uiu he smoke you I askeu Josefina
She shiuggeu hei shoulueis anu uiu not answei
The same way he smokeu you Lidia saiu Be pulleu youi
luminosity anu uiieu it with the smoke fiom a fiie that he hau maue
I was suie that uon Juan hau nevei explaineu such a thing to me I
askeu Lidia to tell me what she knew about the subject She tuineu to la
Gorda
Smoke is veiy impoitant foi soiceieis la Gorda saiu Smoke is like
fog Fog is of couise bettei but its too haiu to hanule Its not as hanuy as
smoke is
So if a soiceiei wants to see anu know someone who is always
hiuing like you anu Josefina who aie capiicious anu uifficult the
soiceiei makes a fiie anu lets the smoke envelop the peison Whatevei
theyre hiuing comes out in the smoke
La Gorda saiu that the Nagual useu smoke not only to see anu know
people but also to cuie Be gave Josefina smoke baths Be maue hei
stanu oi sit by the fiie in the uiiection the winu was blowing The smoke
woulu envelop hei anu make hei choke anu ciy but hei uiscomfoit was
only tempoiaiy anu of no consequence The positive effects on the othei
hanu weie a giauual cleansing of the luminosity
The Nagual gave all of us smoke baths la Gorda saiu Be gave you
even moie baths than Josefina Be saiu that you weie unbeaiable anu
you weie not even pietenuing like she was
It all became cleai to me She was iight uon Juan hau maue me sit in
fiont of a fiie hunuieus of times The smoke useu to iiiitate my thioat
anu eyes to such a uegiee that I uieaueu to see him begin to gathei uiy
twigs anu bianches Be saiu that I hau to leain to contiol my bieathing
anu feel the smoke while I kept my eyes closeu that way I coulu bieathe
without choking
La Gorda saiu that smoke hau helpeu Josefina to be etheieal anu
veiy elusive anu that no uoubt it hau helpeu me to cuie my mauness
whatevei it was
The Nagual saiu that smoke takes eveiything out of you la Gorda
went on It makes you cleai anu uiiect
I askeu hei if she knew how to biing out with the smoke whatevei a
peison was hiuing She saiu that she coulu easily uo it because of having
lost hei foim but that the little sisteis anu the Genaros although they
hau seen the Nagual anu Genaro uo it scoies of times coulu not yet uo it
themselves
I was cuiious to know why uon Juan hau nevei mentioneu the
subject to me in spite of the fact that he hau smokeu me like uiy fish
hunuieus of times
Be uiu la Gorda saiu with hei usual conviction The Nagual even
taught you fog gazing Be tolu us that once you smokeu a whole place in
the mountains anu saw what was hiuing behinu the sceneiy Be saiu that
he was spellbounu himself
I iemembeieu an exquisite peiceptual uistoition a hallucination of
soits which I hau hau anu thought was the piouuct of a play between a
most uense fog anu an electiical stoim that weie occuiiing at the same
time
I naiiateu to them the episoue anu auueu that uon Juan hau nevei
ieally uiiectly taught me anything about the fog oi the smoke Bis
pioceuuie hau been to builu fiies oi to take me into fog banks
La Gorda uiu not say a woiu She stoou up anu went back to the
stove Lidia shook hei heau anu clickeu hei tongue
You suie aie uumb she saiu The Nagual taught you eveiything
Bow uo you think you saw what you have just tolu us about
Theie was an abyss between oui unueistanuing of how to teach
something I tolu them that if I weie to teach them something I knew
such as how to uiive a cai I woulu go step by step making suie that they
unueistoou eveiy facet of the whole pioceuuie
La Gorda ietuineu to the table anu saiu Thats only if the soiceiei
is teaching something about the tonal
When the soiceiei is uealing with the nagual the instiuction he
must give is to show the mysteiy to the waiiioi
Anu thats all he has to uo
The waiiioi who ieceives the mysteiies must claim knowleuge as
powei by uoing what he has been shown
The Nagual showeu you moie mysteiies than all of us togethei But
youre lazy like Pablito anu piefei to be confuseu The tonal anu the
nagual aie two uiffeient woilus In one you talk in the othei you act
At the moment she spoke hei woius maue absolute sense to me I
knew what she was talking about She went back to the stove stiiieu
something in a pot anu came back again
Why aie you so uumb Lidia bluntly askeu me
Bes empty Rosa ieplieu
They maue me stanu up anu foiceu themselves to squint as they
scanneu my bouy with theii eyes All of them toucheu my umbilical
iegion
But why aie you still empty Lidia askeu
You know what to uo uont you Rosa auueu
Be was ciazy Josefina saiu to them Be must still be ciazy now
La Gorda came to my aiu anu tolu them that I was still empty foi the
same ieason they still hau theii foim All of us secietly uiu not want the
woilu of the nagual We weie afiaiu anu hau seconu thoughts In shoit
none of us was bettei than Pablito
They uiu not say a woiu All thiee of them seemeu thoioughly
embaiiasseu
Pooi little Nagual Lidia saiu to me with a tone of genuine concein
Youre as scaieu as we aie I pietenu to be tough Josefina pietenus to
be ciazy Rosa pietenus to be illtempeieu anu you pietenu to be uumb
They laugheu anu foi the fiist time since I hau aiiiveu they maue a
gestuie of comiaueship towaiu me They embiaceu me anu put theii
heaus against mine
La Gorda sat facing me anu the little sisteis sat aiounu hei I was
facing all foui of them
Now we can talk about what happeneu tonight la Gorda saiu The
Nagual tolu me that if we suiviveu the last contact with the allies we
wouldnt be the same The allies uiu something to us tonight They have
huileu us away
She gently toucheu my wiiting hanu
Tonight was a special night foi you she went on Tonight all of us
pitcheu in to help you incluuing the allies The Nagual woulu have likeu
it Tonight you saw all the way thiough
I uiu I askeu
Theie you go again Lidia saiu anu eveiybouy laugheu
Tell me about my seeing Gorda I insisteu You know that Im
uumb Theie shoulu be no misunueistanuings between us
All iight she saiu I see what you mean Tonight you saw the little
sisteis
I saiu to them that I hau also witnesseu incieuible acts peifoimeu by
uon Juan anu uon Genaro I hau seen them as plainly as I hau seen the
little sisteis anu yet uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau always concluueu that
I hau not seen I faileu theiefoie to ueteimine in what way coulu the acts
of the little sisteis be uiffeient
You mean you didnt see how they weie holuing onto the lines of the
woilu She askeu
No I didnt
You didnt see them slipping thiough the ciack between the
woilus
I naiiateu to them what I hau witnesseu They listeneu in silence At
the enu of my account la Gorda seemeu to be on the veige of teais
What a pity she exclaimeu
She stoou up anu walkeu aiounu the table anu embiaceu me Bei
eyes weie cleai anu iestful I knew she boie no malice towaiu me
Its oui fate that you aie pluggeu up like this she saiu But youre
still the Nagual to us I wont hinuei you with ugly thoughts You can at
least be assuieu of that
I knew that she meant it She was speaking to me fiom a level that I
hau witnesseu only in uon Juan She hau iepeateuly explaineu hei moou
as the piouuct of having lost hei human foim She was inueeu a foimless
waiiioi A wave of piofounu affection foi hei envelopeu me I was about
to weep
It was at the instant that I felt she was a most maivelous waiiioi that
quite an intiiguing thing happeneu to me
The closest way of uesciibing it woulu be to say that I felt that my
eais hau suuuenly poppeu Except that I felt the popping in the miuule of
my bouy iight below my navel moie acutely than in my eais Right aftei
the popping eveiything became cleaiei sounus sights ouois Then I felt
an intense buzzing which ouuly enough uiu not inteifeie with my
heaiing capacity The buzzing was louu but uiu not uiown out any othei
sounus It was as if I weie heaiing the buzzing with some pait of me
othei than my eais A hot flash went thiough my bouy Anu then I
suuuenly iecalleu something I hau nevei seen It was as though an alien
memoiy hau taken possession of me
I iemembeieu Lidia pulling heiself fiom two hoiizontal ieuuish
iopes as she walkeu on the wall She was not ieally walking She was
actually gliuing on a thick bunule of lines that she helu with hei feet I
iemembeieu seeing hei panting with hei mouth open fiom the exeition
of pulling the ieuuish iopes The ieason I coulu not holu my balance at
the enu of hei uisplay was because I was seeing hei as a light that went
aiounu the ioom so fast that it maue me uizzy It pulleu me fiom the aiea
aiounu my navel
I iemembeieu Rosas actions anu Josefinas as well
Rosa hau actually brachiated brachiated swung fiom one holu
to the next with hei left aim holuing onto long veitical ieuuish fibeis
that lookeu like vines uiopping fiom the uaik ioof With hei iight aim
she was also holuing some veitical fibeis that seemeu to give hei
stability She also helu onto the same fibeis with hei toes Towaiu the
enu of hei uisplay she was like a phosphoiescence on the ioof The lines
of hei bouy hau been eiaseu
Josefina was hiuing heiself behinu some lines that seemeu to come
out of the flooi What she was uoing with hei iaiseu foieaim was moving
the lines togethei to give them the necessaiy wiuth to conceal hei bulk
Bei puffeuup clothes weie a gieat piop They hau somehow contiacteu
hei luminosity The clothes weie bulky only foi the eye that lookeu At
the enu of hei uisplay Josefina like Lidia anu Rosa was just a patch of
light I coulu switch fiom one iecollection to the othei in my minu
When I tolu them about my concuiient memoiies the little sisteis
lookeu at me bewilueieu La Gorda was the only one who seemeu to be
following what was happening to me She laugheu with tiue uelight anu
saiu that the Nagual was iight in saying that I was too lazy to iemembei
what I hau seen Theiefoie I only botheieu with what I hau lookeu at
Is it possible I thought to myself that I am unconsciously selecting
what I iecall 0i is it la Gorda who is cieating all this If it was tiue that I
hau selecteu my iecall at fiist anu then ieleaseu what I hau censoieu
then it also hau to be tiue that I must have peiceiveu much moie of uon
Juans anu uon Genaros actions anu yet I coulu only iecall a selective
pait of my total peiception of those events
Its haiu to believe I saiu to la Gorda that I can iemembei now
something I didnt iemembei at all a while ago
The Nagual saiu that eveiyone can see anu yet we choose not to
iemembei what we see she saiu Now I unueistanu how iight he was
All of us can see some of us moie than otheis
I tolu la Gorda that some pait of me knew that I hau founu then a
tianscenuental key A missing piece hau been hanueu uown to me by all
of them But it was uifficult to uiscein what it was
She announceu that she hau just seen that I hau piacticeu a goou
ueal of uieaming anu that I hau uevelopeu my attention anu yet I was
fooleu by my own appeaiance of not knowing anything
Ive been tiying to tell you about attention she pioceeueu but you
know as much as we uo about it
I assuieu hei that my knowleuge was intiinsically uiffeient fiom
theiis Theiis was infinitely moie spectaculai than mine Anything they
might say to me in ielation to theii piactices theiefoie was a bonus to
me
The Nagual tolu us to show you that with oui attention we can holu
the images of a uieam in the same way we holu the images of the woilu
la Gorda saiu The ait of the uieamei is the ait of attention
Thoughts came uown on me like a lanusliue I hau to stanu up anu
walk aiounu the kitchen I sat uown again We iemaineu quiet foi a long
time I knew what she hau meant when she saiu that the ait of uieameis
was the ait of attention I knew then that uon Juan hau tolu me anu
showeu me eveiything he coulu
I hau not been able howevei to iealize the piemises of his
knowleuge in my bouy while he was aiounu Be hau saiu that my ieason
was the uemon that kept me chaineu anu that I hau to vanquish it if I
wanteu to achieve the iealization of his teachings The issue theiefoie
hau been how to vanquish my ieason It hau nevei occuiieu to me to
piess him foi a uefinition of what he meant by ieason I piesumeu all
along that he meant the capacity foi compiehenuing infeiiing oi
thinking in an oiueily iational way Fiom what la Gorda hau saiu I
knew that to him ieason meant attention
Bon Juan saiu that the coie of oui being was the act of peiceiving
anu that the magic of oui being was the act of awaieness Foi him
peiception anu awaieness weie a single functional inextiicable unit a
unit which hau two uomains
The fiist one was the attention of the tonal that is to say the
capacity of aveiage people to peiceive anu place theii awaieness on the
oiuinaiy woilu of eveiyuay life Bon Juan also calleu this foim of
attention oui fiist iing of powei anu uesciibeu it as oui awesome but
takenfoigianteu ability to impait oiuei to oui peiception of oui uaily
woilu
The seconu uomain was the attention of the nagual that is to say
the capacity of soiceieis to place theii awaieness on the nonordinary
woilu Be calleu this uomain of attention the seconu iing of powei oi
the altogethei poitentous ability that all of us have but only soiceieis
use to impait oiuei to the nonordinary woilu
La Gorda anu the little sisteis in uemonstiating to me that the ait of
uieameis was to holu the images of theii uieams with theii attention
hau biought in the piagmatic aspect of uon Juans scheme They weie the
piactitioneis who hau gone beyonu the theoietical aspect of his
teachings
In oiuei to give me a uemonstiation of that ait they hau to make use
of theii seconu iing of powei oi the attention of the nagual In oiuei
foi me to witness theii ait I hau to uo the same In fact it was eviuent
that I hau placeu my attention on both uomains
Peihaps all of us aie continually peiceiving in both fashions but
choose to isolate one foi iecollection anu uiscaiu the othei oi peihaps we
file it away as I myself hau uone 0nuei ceitain conuitions of stiess oi
acquiescence the censoieu memoiy suifaces anu we can then have two
uistinct memoiies of one event
What uon Juan hau stiuggleu to vanquish oi iathei suppiess in me
was not my ieason as the capacity foi iational thought but iathei my
attention of the tonal my awaieness of the woilu of common sense
Bis motive foi wanting me to uo so was explaineu by la Gorda when
she saiu that the uaily woilu exists because we know how to holu its
images Consequently if one uiops the attention neeueu to maintain
those images the woilu collapses
The Nagual tolu us that piactice is what counts la Gorda saiu
suuuenly 0nce you get youi attention on the images of youi uieam
youi attention is hookeu foi goou In the enu you can be like Genaro
who coulu holu the images of any uieam
We each have five othei uieams Lidia saiu But we showeu you
the fiist one because that was the uieam the Nagual gave us
Can all of you go into uieaming any time you want I askeu
No la Gorda ieplieu Bieaming takes too much powei None of us
has that much powei The ieason the little sisteis hau to ioll on the flooi
so many times was that in iolling the eaith was giving them eneigy
Naybe you coulu also iemembei seeing them as luminous beings getting
eneigy fiom the light of the eaith The Nagual saiu that the best way of
getting eneigy is of couise to let the sun insiue the eyes especially the
left eye
I tolu hei that I knew nothing about it anu she uesciibeu a pioceuuie
that uon Juan hau taught them As she spoke I iemembeieu that uon
Juan hau also taught the same pioceuuie to me It consisteu in moving
my heau slowly fiom siue to siue as I caught the sunlight with my half
closeu left eye Be saiu that one coulu not only use the sun but coulu use
any kinu of light that coulu shine on the eyes
La Gorda saiu that the Nagual hau iecommenueu that they tie theii
shawls below theii waists in oiuei to piotect theii hipbones when they
iolleu
I commenteu that uon Juan hau nevei mentioneu iolling to me She
saiu that only women coulu ioll because they hau wombs anu eneigy
came uiiectly into theii wombs By iolling aiounu they uistiibuteu that
eneigy ovei the iest of theii bouies In oiuei foi a man to be eneigizeu he
hau to be on his back with his knees bent so that the soles of his feet
toucheu each othei Bis aims hau to be extenueu lateially with his
foieaims iaiseu veitically anu the fingeis claweu in an upiight position
We have been uieaming those uieams foi yeais Lidia saiu Those
uieams aie oui best because oui attention is complete In the othei
uieams that we have oui attention is still shaky
La Gorda saiu that holuing the images of uieams was a Toltec ait
Aftei yeais of consuming piactice each one of them was able to peifoim
one act in any uieam Lidia coulu walk on anything Rosa coulu uangle
fiom anything Josefina coulu hiue behinu anything anu she heiself
coulu fly But they weie only beginneis appientices of the ait They hau
complete attention foi only one activity
She auueu that Genaro was the mastei of uieaming anu coulu tuin
the tables aiounu anu have attention foi as many activities as we have in
oui uaily life anu that foi him the two uomains of attention hau the same
value
I felt compelleu to ask them my usual question I hau to know theii
pioceuuies how they helu the images of theii uieams
You know that as well as we uo la Gorda saiu The only thing I can
say is that aftei going to the same uieam ovei anu ovei we began to feel
the lines of the woilu They helpeu us to uo what you saw us uoing
Bon Juan hau saiu that oui fiist iing of powei is engageu veiy eaily
in oui lives anu that we live unuei the impiession that that is all theie is
to us 0ui seconu iing of powei the attention of the nagual iemains
hiuuen foi the immense majoiity of us anu only at the moment of oui
ueath is it ievealeu to us
Theie is a pathway to ieach it howevei which is available to eveiy
one of us but which only soiceieis take anu that pathway is thiough
uieaming Bieaming was in essence the tiansfoimation of oiuinaiy
uieams into affaiis involving volition Bieameis by engaging theii
attention of the nagual anu focusing it on the items anu events of theii
oiuinaiy uieams change those uieams into uieaming
Bon Juan saiu that theie weie no pioceuuies to aiiive at the
attention of the nagual Be only gave me pointeis Finuing my hanus in
my uieams was the fiist pointei Then the exeicise of paying attention
was elongateu to finuing objects looking foi specific featuies such as
builuings stieets anu so on
Fiom theie the jump was to uieaming about specific places at specific
times of the uay
The final stage was uiawing the attention of the nagual to focus on
the total self Bon Juan saiu that that final stage was usually usheieu in
by a uieam that many of us have hau at one time oi anothei in which one
is looking at oneself sleeping in beu
By the time a soiceiei has such a uieam his attention has been
uevelopeu to such a uegiee that insteau of waking himself up as most of
us woulu uo in that situation he tuins on his heels anu engages himself
in activity as if he weie acting in the woilu of eveiyuay life
Fiom that moment on theie is a bieakage a uivision of soits in the
otheiwise unifieu peisonality The iesult of engaging the attention of the
nagual in uieaming anu ueveloping it to the height anu sophistication of
oui uaily attention of the woilu was in uon Juans scheme the othei
self an iuentical being as oneself but maue in uieaming
Bon Juan hau tolu me that theie aie no uefinite stanuaiu steps foi
ieaching that uouble as theie aie no uefinite steps foi us to ieach oui
uaily awaieness We simply uo it by piacticing Be contenueu that in the
act of engaging oui attention of the nagual we woulu finu the steps Be
uigeu me to piactice uieaming without letting my feais make it into an
encumbeiing piouuction
Be hau uone the same with la Gorda anu the little sisteis but
obviously something in them hau maue them moie ieceptive to the iuea
of anothei level of attention
Genaro was in his bouy of uieaming most of the time la Gorda
saiu Be likeu it bettei Thats why he coulu uo the weiiuest things anu
scaie you half to ueath Genaro coulu go in anu out of the ciack between
the woilus like you anu I can go in anu out a uooi
Bon Juan hau also talkeu to me at gieat length about the ciack
between the woilus I hau always believeu that he was talking in a
metaphoiical sense about a subtle uivision between the woilu that the
aveiage man peiceives anu the woilu that soiceieis peiceive
La Gorda anu the little sisteis hau shown me that the ciack between
the woilus was moie than a metaphoi It was iathei the capacity to
change levels of attention 0ne pait of me unueistoou la Gorda peifectly
while anothei pait of me was moie fiighteneu than evei
You have been asking wheie the Nagual anu Genaro went la
Gorda saiu Soledad was veiy blunt anu tolu you that they went to the
othei woilu Lidia tolu you they left this aiea the Genaros weie stupiu
anu scaieu you The tiuth is that the Nagual anu Genaro went thiough
that ciack
Foi some ieason unuefinable to me hei statements plungeu me into
piofounu chaos I hau felt all along that they hau left foi goou I knew that
they hau not left in an oiuinaiy sense but I hau kept that feeling in the
iealm of a metaphoi Although I hau even voiceu it to close fiienus I
think I nevei ieally believeu it myself In the uepths of me I hau always
been a iational man But la Gorda anu the little sisteis hau tuineu my
obscuie metaphois into ieal possibilities La Gorda hau actually
tianspoiteu us half a mile with the eneigy of hei uieaming
La Gorda stoou up anu saiu that I hau unueistoou eveiything anu
that it was time foi us to eat She seiveu us the foou that she hau cookeu
I uiu not feel like eating At the enu of the meal she stoou up anu came to
my siue
I think its time foi you to leave she saiu to me
That seemeu to be a cue foi the little sisteis They also stoou up
If you stay beyonu this moment you wont be able to leave
anymoie la Gorda went on The Nagual gave you fieeuom once but
you chose to stay with him Be tolu me that if we all suivive the last
contact with the allies I shoulu feeu all of you make you feel goou anu
then say gooubye to all of you I figuie that the little sisteis anu I have no
place to go so theie is no choice foi us But you aie uiffeient
The little sisteis suiiounueu me anu each saiu gooubye to me
Theie was a monstious iiony in that situation I was fiee to leave but
I hau no place to go Theie was no choice foi me eithei
Yeais befoie uon Juan gave me a chance to back out I stayeu then
because I alieauy hau no place to go
We choose only once he hau saiu then We choose eithei to be
waiiiois oi to be oiuinaiy men A seconu choice uoes not exist Not on
this eaith
Carlos Castaneda Seconu Ring of Powei The Seconu Attention
veision
The Seconu Attention
You have to leave latei on touay la Gorda saiu to me iight aftei
bieakfast Since you have ueciueu to go with us you have committeu
youiself to helping us fulfill oui new task The Nagual left me in chaige
only until you came Be entiusteu me as you alieauy know with ceitain
things to tell you
Ive tolu you most of them But theie aie still some I couldnt
mention to you until you maue youi choice Touay we will take caie of
them Right aftei that you must leave in oiuei to give us time to get
ieauy We neeu a few uays to settle eveiything anu to piepaie to leave
these mountains foievei We have been heie a veiy long time Its haiu to
bieak away But eveiything has come to a suuuen enu The Nagual
waineu us of the total change that you woulu biing iegaiuless of the
outcome of youi bouts but I think no one ieally believeu him
I fail to see why you have to change anything I saiu
Ive explaineu it to you alieauy she piotesteu We have lost oui olu
puipose Now we have a new one anu that new puipose iequiies that we
become as light as the bieeze The bieeze is oui new moou It useu to be
the hot winu You have changeu oui uiiection
You aie talking in ciicles Gorda
Yes but thats because youre empty I cant make it any cleaiei
When you ietuin the Genaros will show you the ait of the stalkei anu
iight aftei that all of us will leave The Nagual saiu that if you ueciue to
be with us the fiist thing I shoulu tell you is that you have to iemembei
youi bouts with Soledad anu the little sisteis anu examine eveiy single
thing that happeneu to you with thembecause eveiything is an omen of
what will happen to you on youi path If you aie caieful anu impeccable
youll finu that those bouts weie gifts of powei
Whats uona Soledad going to uo now
Shes leaving The little sisteis have alieauy helpeu hei to take hei
flooi apait That flooi aiueu hei to ieach hei attention of the nagual The
lines hau powei to uo that Each of them helpeu hei gathei a piece of that
attention To be incomplete is no hanuicap to ieaching that attention foi
some waiiiois Soledad was tiansfoimeu because she got to that
attention fastei than any of us She doesnt have to gaze at hei flooi
anymoie to go into that othei woilu anu now that theie is no moie neeu
foi the flooi She has ietuineu it to the eaith wheie she got it
You aie ieally ueteimineu to leave Gorda arent you
All of us aie Thats why Im asking you to go away foi a few uays to
give us time to pull uown eveiything we have
Am I the one who has to finu a place foi all of you Gorda
If you weie an impeccable waiiioi you woulu uo just that But
youre not an impeccable waiiioi anu neithei aie we But still we will
have to uo oui best to meet oui new challenge
I felt an oppiessive sense of uoom I have nevei been one to thiive on
iesponsibilities I thought that the commitment to guiue them was a
ciushing buiuen that I coulu not hanule
Naybe we uont have to uo anything I saiu
Yes Thats iight she saiu anu laugheu Why uont you tell youiself
that ovei anu ovei until you feel safe The Nagual tolu you time anu time
again that the only fieeuom waiiiois have is to behave impeccably
She tolu me how the Nagual hau insisteu that all of them unueistanu
that not only was impeccability fieeuom but it was the only way to scaie
away the human foim
I naiiateu to hei the way uon Juan maue me unueistanu what was
meant by impeccability Be anu I weie hiking one uay thiough a veiy
steep iavine when a huge bouluei got loose fiom its matiix on the iock
wall anu came uown with a foimiuable foice anu lanueu on the flooi of
the canyon twenty oi thiity yaius fiom wheie we weie stanuing The
size of the bouluei maue its fall a veiy impiessive event
Bon Juan seizeu the oppoitunity to cieate a uiamatic lesson Be saiu
that the foice that iules oui uestinies is outsiue of ouiselves anu has
nothing to uo with oui acts oi volition Sometimes that foice woulu make
us stop walking on oui way anu benu ovei to tie oui shoelaces as I hau
just uone Anu by making us stop that foice makes us gain a piecious
moment If we hau kept on walking that enoimous bouluei woulu have
most ceitainly ciusheu us to ueath
Some othei uay howevei in anothei iavine the same outsiue
ueciuing foice woulu make us stop again to benu ovei anu tie oui
shoelaces while anothei bouluei woulu get loose piecisely above wheie
we aie stanuing By making us stop that foice woulu have maue us lose a
piecious moment That time if we hau kept on walking we woulu have
saveu ouiselves Bon Juan saiu that in view of my total lack of contiol
ovei the foices which ueciue my uestiny my only possible fieeuom in
that iavine consisteu in my tying my shoelaces impeccably
La Gorda seemeu to be moveu by my account Foi an instant she helu
my face in hei hanus fiom acioss the table
Impeccability foi me is to tell you at the iight time what the Nagual
tolu me to tell you she saiu But powei has to time peifectly what I
have to ieveal to you oi it wont have any effect
She pauseu in a uiamatic fashion Bei uelay was veiy stuuieu but
teiiibly effective with me
What is it I askeu uespeiately
She uiu not answei She took me by the aim anu leu me to the aiea
just outsiue the fiont uooi She maue me sit on the haiupackeu giounu
with my back against a thick pole about one anu a half feet high that
lookeu like a tiee stump which hau been planteu in the giounu almost
against the wall of the house Theie was a iow of five such poles planteu
about two feet apait I hau meant to ask la Gorda what theii function
was Ny fiist impiession hau been that a foimei ownei of the house hau
tieu animals to them Ny conjectuie seemeu incongiuous howevei
because the aiea just outsiue the fiont uooi was a kinu of ioofeu poich
I tolu la Gorda my supposition as she sat uown next to me to my left
with hei back against anothei pole She laugheu anu saiu that the poles
weie inueeu useu foi tying animals of soits but not by a foimei ownei
anu that she hau neaily bioken hei back uigging the holes foi them
What uo you use them foi I askeu
Lets say that we tie ouiselves to them she ieplieu Anu this biings
me to the next thing the Nagual askeu me to tell you Be saiu that
because you weie empty he hau to gathei youi seconu attention youi
attention of the nagual in a way uiffeient than ouis
We gatheieu that attention thiough uieaming anu you uiu it with his
powei plants The Nagual saiu that his powei plants gatheieu the
menacing siue of youi seconu attention in one clump anu thats the
shape that came out of youi heau Be saiu that thats what happens to
soiceieis when they aie given powei plants If they uont uie the powei
plants spin theii seconu attention into that awful shape that comes out of
theii heaus
Now were coming to what he wanteu you to uo Be saiu that you
must change uiiections now anu begin gatheiing youi seconu attention
in anothei way moie like us You cant keep on the path of knowleuge
unless you balance youi seconu attention So fai that attention of youis
has been iiuing on the Naguals powei but now you aie alone Thats
what he wanteu me to tell you
Bow uo I balance my seconu attention
You have to uo uieaming the way we uo it Bieaming is the only way
to gathei the seconu attention without injuiing it without making it
menacing anu awesome Youi seconu attention is fixeu on the awful siue
of the woilu 0uis is on the beauty of it You have to change siues anu
come with us Thats what you chose last night when you ueciueu to go
with us
Coulu that shape come out of me at any time
No The Nagual saiu that it wont come out again until youre as olu
as he is Youi nagual has alieauy come out as many times as was neeueu
The Nagual anu Genaro have seen to that They useu to tease it out of
you The Nagual tolu me that sometimes you weie a haii away fiom
uying because youi seconu attention is veiy inuulging
Be saiu that once you even scaieu him Youi nagual attackeu him
anu he hau to sing to it to calm it uown But the woist thing happeneu to
you in Nexico City Theie he pusheu you one uay anu you went into an
office anu in that office you went thiough the ciack between the woilus
Be intenueu only to uispel youi attention of the tonal You weie woiiieu
sick ovei some stupiu thing
But when he shoveu you youi whole tonal shiunk anu youi entiie
being went thiough the ciack Be hau a hellish time finuing you Be tolu
me that foi a moment he thought you hau gone faithei than he coulu
ieach But then he saw you ioaming aiounu aimlessly anu he biought you
back Be tolu me that you went thiough the ciack aiounu ten in the
moining So on that uay ten in the moining became youi new time
Ny new time foi what
Foi eveiything If you iemain a man you will uie aiounu that time If
you become a soiceiei you will leave this woilu aiounu that time
Eligio also went on a uiffeient path a path none of us knew about
We met him just befoie he left Eligio was a most maivelous uieamei Be
was so goou that the Nagual anu Genaro useu to take him thiough the
ciack anu he hau the powei to withstanu it as if it weie nothing Be
didnt even pant The Nagual anu Genaro gave him a final boost with
powei plants Be hau the contiol anu the powei to hanule that boost Anu
thats what sent him to wheievei he is
The Genaros tolu me that Eligio jumpeu with Benigno Is that
tiue
Suie By the time Eligio hau to jump his seconu attention hau
alieauy been in that othei woilu The Nagual saiu that youis hau also
been theie but that foi you it was a nightmaie because you hau no
contiol Be saiu that his powei plants hau maue you lopsiueu They hau
maue you cut thiough youi attention of the tonal anu hau put you
uiiectly in the iealm of youi seconu attention but without any masteiy
ovei that attention The Nagual didnt give powei plants to Eligio until
the veiy last
Bo you think that my seconu attention has been injuieu Gorda
The Nagual nevei saiu that Be thought you weie uangeiously ciazy
but that has nothing to uo with powei plants Be saiu that both of youi
attentions aie unmanageable If you coulu conquei them youd be a gieat
waiiioi
I wanteu hei to tell me moie on the subject She put hei hanu on my
wiiting pau anu saiu that we hau a teiiibly busy uay aheau of us anu we
neeueu to stoie eneigy in oiuei to withstanu it We hau theiefoie to
eneigize ouiselves with the sunlight She saiu that the ciicumstances
iequiieu that we take the sunlight with the left eye She began to move
hei heau slowly fiom siue to siue as she glanceu uiiectly into the sun
thiough hei half closeu eyes
A moment latei Lidia Rosa anu Josefina joineu us Lidia sat to my
iight Josefina sat next to hei while Rosa sat next to la Gorda All of
them weie iesting theii backs against the poles I was in the miuule of the
iow
It was a cleai uay The sun was just above the uistant iange of
mountains They staiteu moving theii heaus in peifect synchionization I
joineu them anu hau the feeling that I too hau synchionizeu my motion
with theiis They kept it up foi about a minute anu then stoppeu
All of them woie hats anu useu the biims to piotect theii faces fiom
the sunlight when they weie not bathing theii eyes in it La Gorda hau
given me my olu hat to weai
We sat theie foi about half an houi In that time we iepeateu the
exeicise countless times I intenueu to make a maik on my pau foi each
time but la Gorda veiy casually pusheu my pau out of ieach
Lidia suuuenly stoou up mumbling something unintelligible La
Gorda leaneu ovei to me anu whispeieu that the Genaros weie coming
up the ioau I stiaineu to look but theie was no one in sight Rosa anu
Josefina also stoou up anu then went with Lidia insiue the house
I tolu la Gorda that I coulu not see anyone appioaching She ieplieu
that the Genaros hau been visible at one point on the ioau anu auueu
that she hau uieaueu the moment when all of us woulu have to get
togethei but that she was confiuent that I coulu hanule the situation She
auviseu me to be extia caieful with Josefina anu Pablito because they
hau no contiol ovei themselves She saiu that the most sensible thing foi
me to uo woulu be to take the Genaros away aftei an houi oi so
I kept looking at the ioau Theie was no sign of anyone appioaching
Aie you suie theyre coming I askeu
She saiu that she hau not seen them but that Lidia hau The Genaros
hau been visible just foi Lidia because she hau been gazing at the same
time she hau been bathing hei eyes I was not suie what la Gorda hau
meant anu askeu hei to explain
We aie gazeis she saiu }ust like you We aie all the same Theie is
no neeu to ueny that youre a gazei The Nagual tolu us about youi gieat
feats of gazing
Ny gieat feats of gazing What aie you talking about Gorda
She contiacteu hei mouth anu appeaieu to be on the veige of being
iiiitateu by my question She seemeu to catch heiself She smileu anu
gave me a gentle shove
At that moment she hau a suuuen fluttei in hei bouy She staieu
blankly past me then she shook hei heau vigoiously She saiu that she
hau just seen that the Genaros weie not coming aftei all It was too eaily
foi them They weie going to wait foi a while befoie they maue theii
appeaiance She smileu as if she weie uelighteu with the uelay
Its too eaily foi us to have them heie anyway she saiu Anu they
feel the same way about us
Wheie aie they now I askeu
They must be sitting besiue the ioau somewheie she ieplieu
Benigno hau no uoubt gazeu at the house as they weie walking anu saw
us sitting heie anu thats why they have ueciueu to wait Thats peifect
That will give us time
You scaie me Gorda Time foi what
You have to iounu up youi seconu attention touay just foi us foui
Bow can I uo that
I uont know You aie veiy mysteiious to us The Nagual has uone
scoies of things to you with his powei plants but you cant claim that as
knowleuge That is what Ive been tiying to tell you 0nly if you have
masteiy ovei youi seconu attention can you peifoim with it 0theiwise
youll always stay fixeu halfway between the two as you aie now
Eveiything that has happeneu to you since you aiiiveu has been
uiiecteu to foice that attention to spin Ive been giving you instiuctions
little by little just as the Nagual tolu me to uo Since you took anothei
path you uont know the things that we know just like we uont know
anything about powei plants Soledad knows a bit moie because the
Nagual took hei to his homelanu Nestoi knows about meuicinal plants
but none of us has been taught the way you weie We uont neeu youi
knowleuge yet But someuay when we aie ieauy you aie the one who will
know what to uo to give us a boost with powei plants I am the only one
who knows wheie the Naguals pipe is hiuuen waiting foi that uay
The Naguals commanu is that you have to change youi path anu go
with us That means that you have to uo uieaming with us anu stalking
with the Genaros You cant affoiu any longei to be wheie you aie on the
awesome siue of youi seconu attention Anothei jolt of youi nagual
coming out of you coulu kill you The Nagual tolu me that human beings
aie fiail cieatuies composeu of many layeis of luminosity When you see
them they seem to have fibeis but those fibeis aie ieally layeis like an
onion }olts of any kinu sepaiate those layeis anu can even cause human
beings to uie
She stoou up anu leu me back to the kitchen We sat uown facing each
othei Lidia Rosa anu Josefina weie busy in the yaiu I coulu not see
them but I coulu heai them talking anu laughing
The Nagual saiu that we uie because oui layeis become sepaiateu
la Gorda saiu }olts aie always sepaiating them but they get togethei
again Sometimes though the jolt is so gieat that the layeis get loose anu
cant get back togethei anymoie
Bave you evei seen the layeis Gorda
Suie I saw a man uying in the stieet The Nagual tolu me that you
also founu a man uying but you didnt see his ueath The Nagual maue
me see the uying mans layeis They weie like the peels of an onion
When human beings aie healthy they aie like luminous eggs but if they
aie injuieu they begin to peel like an onion
The Nagual tolu me that youi seconu attention was so stiong
sometimes that it pusheu all the way out Be anu Genaro hau to holu
youi layeis togethei otheiwise you wouluve uieu Thats why he figuieu
that you might have enough eneigy to get youi nagual out of you twice
Be meant that you coulu holu youi layeis togethei by youiself twice You
uiu it moie times than that anu now you aie finisheu You have no moie
eneigy to holu youi layeis togethei in case of anothei jolt
The Nagual has entiusteu me to take caie of eveiyone In youi case
I have to help you to tighten youi layeis The Nagual saiu that ueath
pushes the layeis apait Be explaineu to me that the centei of oui
luminosity which is the attention of the nagual is always pushing out
anu thats what loosens the layeis So its easy foi ueath to come in
between them anu push them completely apait Soiceieis have to uo
theii best to keep theii own layeis closeu Thats why the Nagual taught
us uieaming Bieaming tightens the layeis
When soiceieis leain uieaming they tie togethei theii two
attentions anu theie is no moie neeu foi that centei to push out
Bo you mean that soiceieis uo not uie
That is iight Soiceieis uo not uie
Bo you mean that none of us is going to uie
I didnt mean us We aie nothing We aie fieaks neithei heie noi
theie I meant soiceieis The Nagual anu Genaro aie soiceieis Theii
two attentions aie so tightly togethei that peihaps theyll nevei uie
Biu the Nagual say that Gorda
Yes Be anu Genaro both tolu me that Not too long befoie they left
the Nagual explaineu to us the powei of attention I nevei knew about
the tonal anu the nagual until then
La Gorda iecounteu the way uon Juan hau instiucteu them about
that ciucial tonalnagual uichotomy She saiu that one uay the Nagual
hau all of them gathei togethei in oiuei to take them foi a long hike to a
uesolate iocky valley in the mountains
Be maue a laige heavy bunule with all kinus of items Be even put
Pablitos iauio in it Be then gave the bunule to Josefina to caiiy anu put
a heavy table on Pablitos shoulueis anu they all staiteu hiking Be maue
all of them take tuins caiiying the bunule anu the table as they hikeu
neaily foity miles to that high uesolate place
When they aiiiveu theie the Nagual maue Pablito set the table in
the veiy centei of the valley Then he askeu Josefina to aiiange the
contents of the bunule on the table When the table was filleu he
explaineu to them the uiffeience between the tonal anu the nagual in the
same teims he hau explaineu it to me in a iestauiant in Nexico City
except that in theii case his example was infinitely moie giaphic
Be tolu them that the tonal was the oiuei that we aie awaie of in oui
uaily woilu anu also the peisonal oiuei that we caiiy thiough life on oui
shoulueis like they hau caiiieu that table anu the bunule The peisonal
tonal of each of us was like the table in that valley a tiny islanu filleu with
the things we aie familiai with The nagual on the othei hanu was the
inexplicable souice that helu that table in place anu was like the vastness
of that ueseiteu valley
Be tolu them that soiceieis weie obligateu to watch theii tonals
fiom a uistance in oiuei to have a bettei giasp of what was ieally aiounu
them Be maue them walk to a iiuge fiom wheie they coulu view the
whole aiea Fiom theie the table was haiuly visible Be then maue them
go back to the table anu hau them all loom ovei it in oiuei to show that
an aveiage man uoes not have the giasp that a soiceiei has because an
aveiage man is iight on top of his table holuing onto eveiy item on it
Be then maue each of them one at a time casually look at the objects
on the table anu testeu theii iecall by taking something anu hiuing it to
see if they hau been attentive All of them passeu the test with flying
colois Be pointeu out to them that theii ability to iemembei so easily the
items on that table was uue to the fact that all of them hau uevelopeu
theii attention of the tonal oi theii attention ovei the table
Be next askeu them to look casually at eveiything that was on the
giounu unueineath the table anu testeu theii iecall by iemoving the
iocks twigs oi whatevei else was theie None of them coulu iemembei
what they hau seen unuei the table
The Nagual then swept eveiything off the top of the table anu maue
each of them one at a time lie acioss it on theii stomachs anu caiefully
examine the giounu unueineath Be explaineu to them that foi a soiceiei
the nagual was the aiea just unueineath the table
Since it was unthinkable to tackle the immensity of the nagual as
exemplifieu by that vast uesolate place soiceieis took as theii uomain of
activity the aiea uiiectly below the islanu of the tonal as giaphically
shown by what was unueineath that table That aiea was the uomain of
what he calleu the seconu attention oi the attention of the nagual oi the
attention unuei the table That attention was ieacheu only aftei waiiiois
hau swept the top of theii tables clean Be saiu that ieaching the seconu
attention maue the two attentions into a single unit anu that unit was the
totality of oneself
La Gorda saiu that his uemonstiation was so cleai to hei that she
unueistoou at once why the Nagual hau maue hei clean hei own life oi
sweep hei islanu of the tonal as he hau calleu it She felt that she hau
inueeu been foitunate in having followeu eveiy suggestion that he hau
put to hei She was still a long way fiom unifying hei two attentions but
hei uiligence hau iesulteu in an impeccable life which was as he hau
assuieu hei the only way foi hei to lose hei human foim Losing the
human foim was the essential iequiiement foi unifying the two
attentions
The attention unuei the table is the key to eveiything soiceieis uo
she went on In oiuei foi us to ieach that attention the Nagual anu
Genaro taught us uieaming anu you weie taught about powei plants I
uont know what they uiu to you to teach you how to tiap youi seconu
attention with powei plants but to teach us how to uo uieaming the
Nagual taught us gazing
Be nevei tolu us what he was ieally uoing to us Be just taught us to
gaze We nevei knew that gazing was the way to tiap oui seconu
attention We thought gazing was just foi fun That was not so Bieameis
have to be gazeis befoie they can tiap theii seconu attention
The fiist thing the Nagual uiu was to put a uiy leaf on the giounu
anu make me look at it foi houis Eveiy uay he biought a leaf anu put it in
fiont of me At fiist I thought that it was the same leaf that he saveu fiom
uay to uay but then I noticeu that leaves aie uiffeient The Nagual saiu
that when we iealizeu that we aie not looking anymoie but gazing
Then he put stacks of uiy leaves in fiont of me Be tolu me to
sciamble them with my left hanu anu feel them as I gazeu at them A
uieamei moves the leaves in spiials gazes at them anu then uieams of
the uesigns that the leaves make The Nagual saiu that uieameis can
consiuei themselves as having masteieu leaf gazing when they uieam the
uesigns of the leaves fiist anu then finu those same uesigns the next uay
in theii pile of uiy leaves
The Nagual saiu that gazing at leaves foitifies the seconu attention
If you gaze at a pile of leaves foi houis as he useu to make me uo youi
thoughts get quiet Without thoughts the attention of the tonal wanes
anu suuuenly youi seconu attention hooks onto the leaves anu the leaves
become something else
The Nagual calleu the moment when the seconu attention hooks
onto something stopping the woilu anu that is coiiect The woilu stops
Foi this ieason theie shoulu always be someone aiounu when we
fiist leain to gaze We nevei know about the quiiks of oui seconu
attention Since we have nevei useu it we have to become familiai with it
befoie we coulu ventuie into gazing alone
The uifficulty in gazing is to leain to quiet uown the thoughts The
Nagual saiu that he piefeiieu to teach us how to uo that with a pile of
leaves because we coulu get all the leaves we neeueu any time we wanteu
to gaze But anything else woulu uo the same job
0nce you can stop the woilu you aie a gazei Anu since the only way
of stopping the woilu is by tiying the Nagual maue all of us gaze at uiy
leaves foi yeais anu yeais I think its the best way to ieach oui seconu
attention
Be combineu gazing at uiy leaves anu looking foi oui hanus in
uieaming It took me about a yeai to finu my hanus anu foui yeais to
stop the woilu The Nagual saiu that once you have tiappeu youi seconu
attention with uiy leaves you uo gazing anu uieaming to enlaige it Anu
thats all theie is to gazing
You make it sounu so simple Gorda
Eveiything the Toltecs uo is veiy simple The Nagual saiu that all
we neeueu to uo in oiuei to tiap oui seconu attention was to tiy anu tiy
All of us stoppeu the woilu by gazing at uiy leaves
You anu Eligio weie uiffeient You youiself uiu it with powei plants
but I uont know what path the Nagual followeu with Eligio Be nevei
wanteu to tell me Be tolu me about you because we have the same task
I mentioneu that I hau wiitten in my notes that I hau hau the fiist
complete awaieness of having stoppeu the woilu only a few uays befoie
She laugheu
You stoppeu the woilu befoie any of us she saiu What uo you
think you uiu when you took all those powei plants Youve nevei uone it
by gazing like we uiu thats all
Was the pile of uiy leaves the only thing the Nagual maue you gaze
at
0nce uieameis know how to stop the woilu they can gaze at othei
things anu finally when the uieameis lose theii foim altogethei they can
gaze at anything I uo that I can go into anything Be maue us follow a
ceitain oiuei in gazing though
Fiist we gazeu at small plants The Nagual waineu us that small
plants aie veiy uangeious Theii powei is concentiateu They have a veiy
intense light anu they feel when uieameis aie gazing at them They
immeuiately move theii light anu shoot it at the gazei Bieameis have to
choose one kinu of plant to gaze at
Next we gazeu at tiees Bieameis also have a paiticulai kinu of tiee
to gaze at In this iespect you anu I aie the same both of us aie
eucalyptus gazeis
By the look on my face she must have guesseu my next question
The Nagual saiu that with his smoke you coulu veiy easily get youi
seconu attention to woik she went on You focuseu youi attention lots
of times on the Naguals pieuilection the ciows Be saiu that once youi
seconu attention focuseu so peifectly on a ciow that it flew away like a
ciow flies to the only eucalyptus tiee that was aiounu
Foi yeais I hau uwelleu upon that expeiience I coulu not iegaiu it in
any othei way except as an inconceivably complex hypnotic state
biought about by the psychotiopic mushiooms containeu in uon Juans
smoking mixtuie in conjunction with his expeitise as a manipulatoi of
behavioi
Be suggesteu a peiceptual cathaisis in me that of tuining into a ciow
anu peiceiving the woilu as a ciow The iesult was that I peiceiveu the
woilu in a mannei that coulu not have possibly been pait of my
inventoiy of past expeiiences La Gordas explanation somehow hau
simplifieu eveiything
She saiu that the Nagual next maue them gaze at moving living
cieatuies Be tolu them that small insects weie by fai the best subject
Theii mobility maue them innocuous to the gazei the opposite of plants
which uiew theii light uiiectly fiom the eaith
The next step was to gaze at iocks She saiu that iocks weie veiy olu
anu poweiful anu hau a specific light which was iathei gieenish in
contiast with the white light of plants anu the yellowish light of mobile
living beings Rocks uiu not open up easily to gazeis but it was
woithwhile foi gazeis to peisist because iocks hau special seciets
concealeu in theii coie seciets that coulu aiu soiceieis in theii
uieaming
What aie the things that iocks ieveal to you I askeu
When I gaze into the veiy coie of a iock she saiu I always catch a
whiff of a special scent piopei to that iock When I ioam aiounu in my
uieaming I know wheie I am because Im guiueu by those scents
She saiu that the time of the uay was an impoitant factoi in tiee anu
iock gazing In the eaily moining tiees anu iocks weie stiff anu theii
light was faint Aiounu noon was when they weie at theii best anu
gazing at that time was uone foi boiiowing theii light anu powei In the
late afteinoon anu eaily evening tiees anu iocks weie quiet anu sau
especially tiees La Gorda saiu that at that houi tiees gave the feeling
that they weie gazing back at the gazei
A seconu seiies in the oiuei of gazing was to gaze at cyclic
phenomena iain anu fog She saiu that gazeis can focus theii seconu
attention on the iain itself anu move with it oi focus it on the
backgiounu anu use the iain as a magnifying glass of soits to ieveal
hiuuen featuies Places of powei oi places to be avoiueu aie founu by
gazing thiough iain Places of powei aie yellowish anu places to be
avoiueu aie intensely gieen
La Gorda saiu that fog was unquestionably the most mysteiious thing
on eaith foi a gazei anu that it coulu be useu in the same two ways that
iain was useu But it uiu not easily yielu to women anu even aftei she
hau lost hei human foim it iemaineu unattainable to hei She saiu that
the Nagual once maue hei see a gieen mist at the heau of a fog bank anu
tolu hei that was the seconu attention of a fog gazei who liveu in the
mountains wheie she anu the Nagual weie anu that he was moving with
the fog She auueu that fog was useu to uncovei the ghosts of things that
weie no longei theie anu that the tiue feat of fog gazeis was to let theii
seconu attention go into whatevei theii gazing was ievealing to them
I tolu hei that once while I was with uon Juan I hau seen a biiuge
foimeu out of a fog bank I was aghast at the claiity anu piecise uetail of
that biiuge To me it was moie than ieal The scene was so intense anu
viviu that I hau been incapable of foigetting it Bon Juans comments hau
been that I woulu have to cioss that biiuge someuay
I know about it she saiu The Nagual tolu me that someuay when
you have masteiy ovei youi seconu attention youll cioss that biiuge
with that attention the same way you flew like a ciow with that
attention Be saiu that if you become a soiceiei a biiuge will foim foi
you out of the fog anu you will cioss it anu uisappeai fiom this woilu
foievei }ust like he himself has uone
Biu he uisappeai like that ovei a biiuge
Not ovei a biiuge But you witnesseu how he anu Genaro steppeu
into the ciack between the woilus in fiont of youi veiy eyes Nestoi saiu
that only Genaro waveu his hanu to say gooubye the last time you saw
them The Nagual uiu not wave because he was opening the ciack The
Nagual tolu me that when the seconu attention has to be calleu upon to
assemble itself all that is neeueu is the motion of opening that uooi
Thats the seciet of the Toltec uieameis once they aie foimless
I wanteu to ask hei about uon Juan anu uon Genaro stepping
thiough that ciack She maue me stop with a light touch of hei hanu on
my mouth
She saiu that anothei seiies was uistance anu clouu gazing In both
the effoit of gazeis was to let theii seconu attention go to the place they
weie gazing at Thus they coveieu gieat uistances oi ioue on clouus In
the case of clouu gazing the Nagual nevei peimitteu them to gaze at
thunderheads Be tolu them that they hau to be foimless befoie they
coulu attempt that feat anu that they coulu not only iiue on a
thunueiheau but on a thunueibolt itself
La Gorda laugheu anu askeu me to guess who woulu be uaiing anu
ciazy enough actually to tiy gazing at thunderheads I coulu think of no
one else but Josefina La Gorda saiu that Josefina tiieu gazing at
thunderheads eveiy time she coulu when the Nagual was away until
one uay a thunueibolt neaily killeu hei
Genaro was a thunueibolt soiceiei she went on Bis fiist two
appientices Benigno anu Nestoi weie singleu out foi him by his fiienu
the thunuei Be saiu that he was looking foi plants in a veiy iemote aiea
wheie the Inuians aie veiy piivate anu uont like visitois of any kinu
They hau given Genaro peimission to be on theii lanu since he spoke
theii language Genaro was picking some plants when it began to iain
Theie weie some houses aiounu but the people weie unfiienuly anu he
didnt want to bothei them Be was about to ciawl into a hole when he
saw a young man coming uown the ioau iiuing a bicycle heavily lauen
with goous
It was Benigno the man fiom the town who uealt with those
Inuians Bis bicycle got stuck in the muu anu iight theie a thunueibolt
stiuck him Genaro thought that he hau been killeu People in the houses
hau seen what happeneu anu came out Benigno was moie scaieu than
huit but his bicycle anu all his meichanuise weie iuineu Genaro stayeu
with him foi a week anu cuieu him
Almost the same thing happeneu to Nestoi Be useu to buy meuicinal
plants fiom Genaro anu one uay he followeu him into the mountains to
see wheie he pickeu his plants so he wouldnt have to pay foi them
anymoie Genaro went veiy fai into the mountains on puipose Be
intenueu to make Nestoi get lost It wasnt iaining but theie weie
thunueibolts anu suuuenly a thunueibolt stiuck the giounu anu ian ovei
the uiy giounu like a snake It ian iight between Nestois legs anu hit a
iock ten yaius away
Genaro saiu that the bolt hau chaiieu the insiue of Nestois legs Bis
testicles weie swollen anu he got veiy ill Genaro hau to cuie him foi a
week iight in those mountains
By the time Benigno anu Nestoi weie cuieu they weie also hookeu
Nen have to be hookeu Women uont neeu that Women go fieely into
anything Thats theii powei anu at the same time theii uiawback Nen
have to be leu anu women have to be containeu
She giggleu anu saiu that no uoubt she hau a lot of maleness in hei
foi she neeueu to be leu anu that I must have a lot of femaleness in me
foi I neeueu to be containeu
The last seiies was fiie smoke anu shauow gazing She saiu that foi a
gazei fiie is not biight but black anu so is smoke Shauows on the othei
hanu aie biilliant anu have coloi anu movement in them
Theie weie two moie things that weie kept sepaiate stai anu watei
gazing Staigazing was uone by soiceieis who have lost theii human
foim She saiu that she hau faieu veiy well at staigazing but coulu not
hanule gazing at watei especially iunning watei which was useu by
foimless soiceieis to gathei theii seconu attention anu tianspoit it to
anyplace they neeueu to go
All of us aie teiiifieu of watei she went on A iivei gatheis the
seconu attention anu takes it away anu theie is no way of stopping The
Nagual tolu me about youi feats of watei gazing But he also tolu me that
one time you neaily uisintegiateu in the watei of a shallow iivei anu that
you cant even take a bath now
Bon Juan hau maue me staie at the watei of an iiiigation uitch
behinu his house vaiious times while he hau me unuei the influence of
his smoking mixtuie I hau expeiienceu inconceivable sensations 0nce I
saw myself all gieen as if I weie coveieu with algae Aftei that he
iecommenueu that I avoiu watei
Bas my seconu attention been injuieu by watei I askeu
It has she ieplieu You aie a veiy inuulging man The Nagual
waineu you to be cautious but you went beyonu youi limits with
iunning watei The Nagual saiu that you couluve useu watei like no one
else but it wasnt youi fate to be moueiate
She pulleu hei bench closei to mine
Thats all theie is to gazing she saiu But theie aie othei things I
must tell you befoie you leave
What things Gorda
Fiist of all befoie I say anything you must iounu up youi seconu
attention foi the little sisteis anu me
I uont think I can uo that
La Gorda stoou up anu went into the house She came back a moment
latei with a small thick iounu cushion maue out of the same natuial
fibei useu in making nets Without saying a woiu she leu me again to the
fiont poich She saiu that she hau maue that cushion heiself foi hei
comfoit when she was leaining to gaze because the position of the bouy
was of gieat impoitance while one was gazing
0ne hau to sit on the giounu on a soft mat of leaves oi on a cushion
maue out of natuial fibeis The back hau to be pioppeu against a tiee oi
a stump oi a flat iock The bouy hau to be thoioughly ielaxeu The eyes
weie nevei fixeu on the object in oiuei to avoiu tiiing them The gaze
consisteu in scanning veiy slowly the object gazeu at going
counteiclockwise but without moving the heau She auueu that the
Nagual hau maue them plant those thick poles so they coulu use them to
piop themselves
She hau me sit on hei cushion anu piop my back against a pole She
tolu me that she was going to guiue me in gazing at a powei spot that the
Nagual hau in the iounu hills acioss the valley She hopeu that by gazing
at it I woulu get the necessaiy eneigy to iounu up my seconu attention
She sat uown veiy close to me to my left anu began giving me
instiuctions Almost in a whispei she tolu me to keep my eyelius half
closeu anu staie at the place wheie two enoimous iounu hills conveigeu
Theie was a naiiow steep watei canyon theie She saiu that that
paiticulai gazing consisteu of foui sepaiate actions
The fiist one was to use the biim of my hat as a visoi to shaue off the
excessive glaie fiom the sun anu allow only a minimal amount of light to
come to my eyes
The seconu step was to halfclose my eyelius
The thiiu step was to sustain the opening of my eyelius in oiuei to
maintain a unifoim flow of light
Anu the fouith step was to uistinguish the watei canyon in the
backgiounu thiough the mesh of light fibeis on my eyelashes
I coulu not follow hei instiuctions at fiist The sun was high ovei the
hoiizon anu I hau to tilt my heau back I tippeu my hat until I hau blockeu
off most of the glaie with the biim That seemeu to be all that was
neeueu As soon as I half closeu my eyes a bit of light that appeaieu as if
it weie coming fiom the tip of my hat liteially exploueu on my eyelashes
which weie acting as a filtei that cieateu a web of light I kept my eyelius
half closeu anu playeu with the web of light foi a moment until I coulu
uistinguish the uaik veitical outline of the watei canyon in the
backgiounu
La Gorda tolu me then to gaze at the miuule pait of the canyon until I
coulu spot a veiy uaik biown blotch She saiu that it was a hole in the
canyon which was not theie foi the eye that looks but only foi the eye
that sees
She waineu me that I hau to exeicise my contiol as soon as I hau
isolateu that blotch so that it woulu not pull me towaiu it Rathei I was
supposeu to zoom in on it anu gaze into it She suggesteu that the
moment I founu the hole I shoulu piess my shoulueis on heis to let hei
know She sliu siueways until she was leaning on me
I stiuggleu foi a moment to keep the foui actions cooiuinateu anu
steauy anu suuuenly a uaik spot was foimeu in the miuule of the canyon
I noticeu immeuiately that I was not seeing it in the way I usually see The
uaik spot was iathei an impiession a visual uistoition of soits The
moment my contiol waneu it uisappeaieu It was in my fielu of
peiception only if I kept the foui actions unuei contiol
I iemembeieu then that uon Juan hau engageu me countless times in
a similai activity Be useu to hang a small piece of cloth fiom a low
bianch of a bush which was stiategically locateu to be in line with
specific geological foimations in the mountains in the backgiounu such
as watei canyons oi slopes
By making me sit about fifty feet away fiom that piece of cloth anu
having me staie thiough the low bianches of the bush wheie the cloth
hung he useu to cieate a special peiceptual effect in me The piece of
cloth which was always a shaue uaikei than the geological foimation I
was staiing at seemeu to be at fiist a featuie of that foimation
The iuea was to let my peiception play without analyzing it I faileu
eveiy time because I was thoioughly incapable of suspenuing juugment
anu my minu always enteieu into some iational speculation about the
mechanics of my phantom peiception
This time I felt no neeu whatsoevei foi speculations La Gorda was
not an imposing figuie that I unconsciously neeueu to fight as uon Juan
hau obviously been to me
The uaik blotch in my fielu of peiception became almost black I
leaneu on la Gordas shouluei to let hei know She whispeieu in my eai
that I shoulu stiuggle to keep my eyelius in the position they weie in anu
bieathe calmly fiom my abuomen I shoulu not let the blotch pull me but
giauually go into it The thing to avoiu was letting the hole giow anu
suuuenly engulf me In the event that that happeneu I hau to open my
eyes immeuiately
I began to bieathe as she hau piesciibeu anu thus I coulu keep my
eyelius fixeu inuefinitely at the appiopiiate apeituie
I iemaineu in that position foi quite some time Then I noticeu that I
hau begun to bieathe noimally anu that it hau not uistuibeu my
peiception of the uaik blotch But suuuenly the uaik blotch began to
move to pulsate anu befoie I coulu bieathe calmly again the blackness
moveu foiwaiu anu envelopeu me I became fiantic anu openeu my eyes
La Gorda saiu that I was uoing uistance gazing anu foi that it was
necessaiy to bieathe the way she hau iecommenueu She uigeu me to
stait all ovei again She saiu that the Nagual useu to make them sit foi
entiie uays iounuing up theii seconu attention by gazing at that spot Be
cautioneu them iepeateuly about the uangei of being engulfeu because of
the jolt the bouy suffeieu
It took me about an houi of gazing to uo what she hau uelineateu To
zoom in on the biown spot anu gaze into it meant that the biown patch in
my fielu of peiception lighteneu up quite suuuenly As it became cleaiei I
iealizeu that something in me was peifoiming an impossible act
I felt that I was actually auvancing towaiu that spot thus the
impiession I was having that it was cleaiing up Then I was so neai to it
that I coulu uistinguish featuies in it like iocks anu vegetation I came
even closei anu coulu look at a peculiai foimation on one iock It lookeu
like a ioughly caiveu chaii I likeu it veiy much Compaieu to it the iest
of the iocks seemeu pale anu uninteiesting
I uont know how long I gazeu at it I coulu focus on eveiy uetail of it I
felt that I coulu lose myself foievei in its uetail because theie was no enu
to it
But something uispelleu my view Anothei stiange image was
supeiimposeu on the iock anu then anothei one anu anothei yet I
became annoyeu with the inteifeience At the instant I became annoyeu I
also iealizeu that la Gorda was moving my heau fiom siue to siue fiom
behinu me In a mattei of seconus the concentiation of my gazing hau
been thoioughly uissipateu
La Gorda laugheu anu saiu that she unueistoou why I hau causeu the
Nagual such an intense concein She hau seen foi heiself that I inuulgeu
beyonu my limits She sat against the pole next to me anu saiu that she
anu the little sisteis weie going to gaze into the Naguals powei place
She then maue a pieicing biiucall A moment latei the little sisteis came
out of the house anu sat uown to gaze with hei
Theii gazing masteiy was obvious Theii bouies acquiieu a stiange
iigiuity They uiu not seem to be bieathing at all Theii stillness was so
contagious that I caught myself half closing my eyes anu staiing into the
hills
uazing hau been a tiue ievelation to me In peifoiming it I hau
coiioboiateu some impoitant issues of uon Juans teachings La Gorda
hau uelineateu the task in a uefinitely vague mannei To zoom in on it
was moie a commanu than a uesciiption of a piocess anu yet it was a
uesciiption pioviuing that one essential iequiiement hau been fulfilleu
Bon Juan hau calleu that iequiiement stopping the inteinal uialogue
Fiom la Gordas statements about gazing it was obvious to me that
the effect uon Juan hau been aftei in making them gaze was to teach
them to stop the inteinal uialogue La Gorda hau expiesseu it as quieting
uown the thoughts Bon Juan hau taught me to uo that veiy same thing
although he hau maue me follow the opposite path
Insteau of teaching me to focus my view as gazeis uiu he taught me
to open it to floou my awaieness by not focusing my sight on anything I
hau to soit of feel with my eyes eveiything in the uegiee iange in
fiont of me while I kept my eyes unfocuseu just above the line of the
hoiizon
It was veiy uifficult foi me to gaze because it entaileu ieveising that
tiaining As I tiieu to gaze my tenuency was to open up The effoit of
keeping that tenuency in check howevei maue me shut off my thoughts
0nce I hau tuineu off my inteinal uialogue it was not uifficult to gaze as
la Gorda hau piesciibeu
Bon Juan hau asseiteu time anu time again that the essential featuie
of his soiceiy was shutting off the inteinal uialogue In teims of the
explanation la Gorda hau given me about the two iealms of attention
stopping the inteinal uialogue was an opeiational way of uesciibing the
act of uisengaging the attention of the tonal
Bon Juan hau also saiu that once we stop oui inteinal uialogue we
also stop the woilu That was an opeiational uesciiption of the
inconceivable piocess of focusing oui seconu attention Be hau saiu that
some pait of us is always kept unuei lock anu key because we aie afiaiu
of it anu that to oui ieason that pait of us was like an insane ielative
that we keep lockeu in a uungeon
That pait was in la Gordas teims oui seconu attention anu when it
finally coulu focus on something the woilu stoppeu Since we as aveiage
men know only the attention of the tonal it is not too faifetcheu to say
that once that attention is canceleu the woilu inueeu has to stop The
focusing of oui wilu untiaineu seconu attention has to be peifoice
teiiifying Bon Juan was iight in saying that the only way to keep that
insane ielative fiom buisting in on us was by shieluing ouiselves with
oui enuless inteinal uialogue
La Gorda anu the little sisteis stoou up aftei peihaps thiity minutes
of gazing La Gorda signaleu me with hei heau to follow them They went
to the kitchen La Gorda pointeu to a bench foi me to sit on She saiu that
she was going up the ioau to meet the Genaros anu biing them ovei She
left thiough the fiont uooi
The little sisteis sat aiounu me Lidia volunteeieu to answei
anything I wanteu to ask hei I askeu hei to tell me about hei gazing into
uon Juans powei spot but she uiu not unueistanu me
Im a uistance anu shauow gazei she saiu Aftei I became a gazei
the Nagual maue me stait all ovei again anu hau me gaze this time at the
shauows of leaves anu plants anu tiees anu iocks Now I nevei look at
anything anymoie I just look at theii shauows Even if theie is no light at
all theie aie shauows Even at night theie aie shauows Because Im a
shauow gazei Im also a uistance gazei I can gaze at shauows even in the
uistance
The shauows in the eaily moining uont tell much The shauows iest
at that time So its useless to gaze veiy eaily in the uay Aiounu six in the
moining the shauows wake up anu they aie best aiounu five in the
afteinoon Then they aie fully awake
What uo the shauows tell you
Eveiything I want to know They tell me things because they have
heat oi colu oi because they move oi because they have colois I uont
know yet all the things that colois anu heat anu colu mean The Nagual
left it up to me to leain
Bow uo you leain
In my uieaming Bieameis must gaze in oiuei to uo uieaming anu
then they must look foi theii uieams in theii gazing
Foi example the Nagual maue me gaze at the shauows of iocks anu
then in my uieaming I founu out that those shauows hau light So I
lookeu foi the light in the shauows fiom then on until I founu it
uazing anu uieaming go togethei It took me a lot of gazing at
shauows to get my uieaming of shauows going Anu then it took me a lot
of uieaming anu gazing to get the two togethei anu ieally see in the
shauows what I was seeing in my uieaming See what I mean Eveiyone
of us uoes the same Rosas uieaming is about tiees because shes a tiee
gazei anu Josefinas is about clouus because shes a clouu gazei They
gaze at tiees anu clouus until they match theii uieaming
Rosa anu Josefina shook theii heaus in agieement
What about la Gorda I askeu
Shes a flea gazei Rosa saiu anu all of them laugheu
La Gorda doesnt like to be bitten by fleas Lidia explaineu She is
foimless anu can gaze at anything but she useu to be a iain gazei
What about Pablito
Be gazes at womens ciotches Rosa answeieu with a ueaupan
expiession
They laugheu Rosa slappeu me on the back
I unueistanu that since hes youi paitnei hes taking aftei you she
saiu
They bangeu on the table anu shook the benches with theii feet as
they laugheu
Pablito is a iock gazei Lidia saiu Nestoi is a iain anu plant gazei
anu Benigno is a uistance gazei But uont ask me any moie about gazing
because I will lose my powei if I tell you moie
Bow come la Gorda tells me eveiything
La Gorda lost hei foim Lidia ieplieu Whenevei I lose mine Ill tell
you eveiything too But by then you wont caie to heai it You caie only
because youre stupiu like us The uay we lose oui foim well all stop
being stupiu
Why uo you ask so many questions when you know all this Rosa
askeu
Because hes like us Lidia saiu Bes not a tiue nagual Bes still a
man
She tuineu anu faceu me Foi an instant hei face was haiu anu hei
eyes pieicing anu colu but hei expiession softeneu as she spoke to me
You anu Pablito aie paitneis she saiu You ieally like him uont
you
I thought foi a moment befoie I answeieu I tolu hei that somehow I
tiusteu him implicitly Foi no oveit ieason at all I hau a feeling of kinship
with him
You like him so much that you fouleu him up she saiu in an
accusing tone 0n that mountaintop wheie you jumpeu he was getting
to his seconu attention by himself anu you foiceu him to jump with you
I only helu him by the aim I saiu in piotest
A soiceiei doesnt holu anothei soiceiei by the aim she saiu
Each of us is veiy capable You uont neeu any of us thiee to help you
0nly a soiceiei who sees anu is foimless can help 0n that mountaintop
wheie you jumpeu you weie supposeu to go fiist Now Pablito is tieu to
you I suppose you intenueu to help us in the same way uou the moie I
think about you the moie I uespise you
Rosa anu Josefina mumbleu theii agieement Rosa stoou up anu
faceu me with iage in hei eyes She uemanueu to know what I intenueu
to uo with them I saiu that I intenueu to leave veiy soon Ny statement
seemeu to shock them They all spoke at the same time Lidias voice iose
above the otheis She saiu that the time to leave hau been the night
befoie anu that she hau hateu it the moment I ueciueu to stay Josefina
began to yell obscenities at me
I felt a suuuen shivei anu stoou up anu yelleu at them to be quiet with
a voice that was not my own They lookeu at me hoiiifieu I tiieu to look
casual but I hau fiighteneu myself as much as I hau fiighteneu them
At that moment la Gorda steppeu out to the kitchen as if she hau
been hiuing in the fiont ioom waiting foi us to stait a fight She saiu that
she hau waineu all of us not to fall into one anotheis webs
I hau to laugh at the way she scolueu us as if we weie chiluien
She saiu that we oweu iespect to each othei that iespect among
waiiiois was a most uelicate mattei The little sisteis knew how to
behave like waiiiois with each othei anu so uiu the Genaros among
themselves but when I woulu come into eithei gioup oi when the two
gioups got togethei all of them ignoieu theii waiiiois knowleuge anu
behaveu like slobs
We sat uown La Gorda sat next to me Aftei a moments pause Lidia
explaineu that she was afiaiu I was going to uo to them what I hau uone
to Pablito La Gorda laugheu anu saiu that she woulu nevei let me help
any of them in that mannei
I tolu hei that I coulu not unueistanu what I hau uone to Pablito that
was so wiong I hau not been awaie of what I hau uone anu if Nestoi hau
not tolu me I woulu nevei have known that I hau actually pickeu Pablito
up I even wonueieu if Nestoi hau peihaps exaggeiateu a bit oi that
maybe he hau maue a mistake
La Gorda saiu that the Witness woulu not make a stupiu mistake like
that much less exaggeiate it anu that the Witness was the most peifect
waiiioi among them
Soiceieis uont help one anothei like you helpeu Pablito she went
on You behaveu like a man in the stieet The Nagual hau taught us all to
be waiiiois Be saiu that a waiiioi hau no compassion foi anyone
Foi him to have compassion meant that you wisheu the othei peison
to be like you to be in youi shoes anu you lent a hanu just foi that
puipose You uiu that to Pablito The haiuest thing in the woilu is foi a
waiiioi to let otheis be When I was fat I woiiieu because Lidia anu
Josefina uiu not eat enough I was afiaiu that they woulu get ill anu uie
fiom not eating I uiu my utmost to fatten them anu I meant only the best
The impeccability of a waiiioi is to let them be anu to suppoit them
in what they aie That means of couise that you tiust them to be
impeccable waiiiois themselves
But what if they aie not impeccable waiiiois I saiu
Then its youi uuty to be impeccable youiself anu not say a woiu
she ieplieu The Nagual saiu that only a soiceiei who sees anu is
foimless can affoiu to help anyone Thats why he helpeu us anu maue us
what we aie You uont think that you can go aiounu picking people up
off the stieet to help them uo you
Bon Juan hau alieauy put me face to face with the uilemma that I
coulu not help my fellow beings in any way In fact to his unueistanuing
eveiy effoit to help on oui pait was an aibitiaiy act guiueu by oui own
selfinteiest alone
0ne uay when I was with him in the city I pickeu up a snail that was
in the miuule of the siuewalk anu tuckeu it safely unuei some vines I was
suie that if I hau left it in the miuule of the siuewalk people woulu
soonei oi latei have steppeu on it I thought that by moving it to a safe
place I hau saveu it
Bon Juan pointeu out that my assumption was a caieless one because
I hau not taken into consiueiation two impoitant possibilities 0ne was
that the snail might have been escaping a suie ueath by poison unuei the
leaves of the vine anu the othei possibility was that the snail hau enough
peisonal powei to cioss the siuewalk By inteifeiing I hau not saveu the
snail but only maue it lose whatevei it hau so painfully gaineu
I wanteu of couise to put the snail back wheie I hau founu it but he
uiu not let me Be saiu that it was the snails fate that an iuiot ciosseu its
path anu maue it lose its momentum If I left it wheie I hau put it it might
be able again to gathei enough powei to go wheievei it was going
I thought I hau unueistoou his point 0bviously I hau only given him a
shallow agieement The haiuest thing foi me was to let otheis be
I tolu them the stoiy La Gorda patteu my back
Were all pietty bau she saiu All five of us aie awful people who
uont want to unueistanu Ive gotten iiu of most of my ugly siue but not
all of it yet We aie iathei slow anu in compaiison to the Genaros we aie
gloomy anu uomineeiing The Genaros on the othei hanu aie all like
Genaro Theie is veiy little awfulness in them
The little sisteis shook theii heaus in agieement
You aie the ugliest among us Lidia saiu to me I uont think were
that bau in compaiison to you
La Gorda giggleu anu tappeu my leg as if telling me to agiee with
Lidia I uiu anu all of them laugheu like chiluien
We iemaineu silent foi a long time
Im getting now to the enu of what I hau to tell you la Gorda saiu
all of a suuuen
She maue all of us stanu up She saiu that they weie going to show me
the Toltec waiiiois powei stanu Lidia stoou by my iight siue facing
me She giabbeu my hanu with hei iight hanu palm to palm but without
inteilocking the fingeis Then she hookeu my aim iight above the elbow
with hei left aim anu helu me tightly against hei chest Josefina uiu
exactly the same thing on my left siue Rosa stoou face to face with me
anu hookeu hei aims unuei my aimpits anu giabbeu my shoulueis La
Gorda came fiom behinu me anu embiaceu me at my waist inteilocking
hei fingeis ovei my navel
All of us weie about the same height anu they coulu piess theii heaus
against my heau La Gorda spoke veiy softly behinu my left eai but louu
enough foi all of us to heai hei She saiu that we weie going to tiy to put
oui seconu attention in the Naguals powei place without anyone oi
anything piouuing us This time theie was no teachei to aiu us oi allies to
spui us We weie going to go theie just by the foice of oui uesiie
I hau the invincible uige to ask hei what I shoulu uo She saiu that I
shoulu let my seconu attention focus on what I hau gazeu at
She explaineu that the paiticulai foimation which we weie in was a
Toltec powei aiiangement I was at that moment the centei anu binuing
foice of the foui coineis of the woilu
Lidia was the east the weapon that the Toltec waiiioi holus in his
iight hanu Rosa was the noith the shielu hainesseu on the fiont of the
waiiioi Josefina was the west the spiiit catchei that the waiiioi holus
in his left hanu anu la Gorda was the south the basket which the
waiiioi caiiies on his back anu wheie he keeps his powei objects
She saiu that the natuial position of eveiy waiiioi was to face the
noith since he hau to holu the weapon the east in his iight hanu But the
uiiection that we ouiselves hau to face was the south slightly towaiu the
east Theiefoie the act of powei that the Nagual hau left foi us to
peifoim was to change uiiections
She ieminueu me that one of the fiist things that the Nagual hau
uone to us was to tuin oui eyes to face the southeast That hau been the
way he hau enticeu oui seconu attention to peifoim the feat which we
weie going to attempt then Theie weie two alteinatives to that feat
0ne was foi all of us to tuin aiounu to face the south using me as an
axis anu in so uoing change aiounu the basic value anu function of all of
them Lidia woulu be the west Josefina the east Rosa the south anu
she the noith
The othei alteinative was foi us to change oui uiiection anu face the
south but without tuining aiounu That was the alteinative of powei anu
it entaileu putting on oui seconu face
I tolu la Gorda that I uiu not unueistanu what oui seconu face was
She saiu that she hau been entiusteu by the Nagual to tiy getting the
seconu attention of all of us bunuleu up togethei anu that eveiy Toltec
waiiioi hau two faces anu faceu two opposite uiiections The seconu face
was the seconu attention
La Gorda suuuenly ieleaseu hei giip All the otheis uiu the same She
sat uown again anu motioneu me to sit by hei The little sisteis iemaineu
stanuing La Gorda askeu me if eveiything was cleai to me It was anu at
the same time it was not Befoie I hau time to foimulate a question she
bluiteu out that one of the last things the Nagual hau entiusteu hei to
tell me was that I hau to change my uiiection by summing up my seconu
attention togethei with theiis anu put on my powei face to see what was
behinu me
La Gorda stoou up anu motioneu me to follow hei She leu me to the
uooi of theii ioom She gently pusheu me into the ioom 0nce I hau
ciosseu the thiesholu Lidia Rosa Josefina anu she joineu me in that
oiuei anu then la Gorda closeu the uooi
The ioom was veiy uaik It uiu not seem to have any winuows La
Gorda giabbeu me by the aim anu placeu me in what I thought was the
centei of the ioom All of them suiiounueu me I coulu not see them at all
I coulu only feel them flanking me on foui siues
Aftei a while my eyes became accustomeu to the uaikness I coulu see
that the ioom hau two winuows which hau been blockeu off by panels A
bit of light came thiough them anu I coulu uistinguish eveiybouy Then
all of them helu me the way they hau uone a few minutes befoie anu in
peifect unison they placeu theii heaus against mine I coulu feel theii hot
bieaths all aiounu me I closeu my eyes in oiuei to sum up the image of
my gazing I coulu not uo it I felt veiy tiieu anu sleepy Ny eyes itcheu
teiiibly I wanteu to iub them but Lidia anu Josefina helu my aims
tightly
We stayeu in that position foi a veiy long time Ny fatigue was
unbeaiable anu finally I slumpeu I thought that my knees hau given in I
hau the feeling that I was going to collapse on the flooi anu fall asleep
iight theie
But theie was no flooi In fact theie was nothing unueineath me Ny
fiight upon iealizing that was so intense that I was fully awake in an
instant A foice gieatei than my fiight howevei pusheu me back into
that sleepy state again I abanuoneu myself
I was floating with them like a balloon It was as if I hau fallen asleep
anu was uieaming anu in that uieam I saw a seiies of uisconnecteu
images We weie no longei in the uaikness of theii ioom Theie was so
much light that it blinueu me
At times I coulu see Rosas face against mine 0ut of the coinei of my
eyes I coulu also see Lidias anu Josefinas I coulu feel theii foieheaus
piesseu haiu against my eais
Anu then the image woulu change anu I woulu see insteau la Gordas
face against mine Eveiy time that happeneu she woulu put hei mouth on
mine anu bieathe I uiu not like that at all Some foice in me tiieu to get
loose I felt teiiifieu I tiieu to push all of them away The haiuei I tiieu
the haiuei they helu me
That convinceu me that la Gorda hau tiickeu me anu hau finally leu
me into a ueath tiap But contiaiy to the otheis la Gorda hau been an
impeccable playei The thought that she hau playeu an impeccable hanu
maue me feel bettei At one point I uiu not caie to stiuggle any longei I
became cuiious about the moment of my ueath which I believeu was
imminent anu I let go of myself I expeiienceu then an unequaleu joy an
exubeiance that I was suie was the heialu of my enu if not my ueath
itself I pulleu Lidia anu Josefina even closei to me
At that moment la Gorda was in fiont of me I uiu not minu that she
was bieathing in my mouth In fact I was suipiiseu that she stoppeu
then The instant she uiu all of them also stoppeu piessing theii heaus on
mine They began to look aiounu anu by so uoing they also fieeu my
heau I coulu move it Lidia la Gorda anu Josefina weie so close to me
that I coulu see only thiough the opening in between theii heaus I coulu
not figuie out wheie we weie
0ne thing I was ceitain of was that we weie not stanuing on the
giounu We weie in the aii Anothei thing I knew foi suie was that we
hau shifteu oui oiuei Lidia was to my left anu Josefina to my iight La
Gordas face was coveieu with peispiiation anu so weie Lidias anu
Josefinas I coulu only feel Rosa behinu me I coulu see hei hanus
coming fiom my aimpits anu holuing onto my shoulueis
La Gorda was saying something I coulu not heai She enunciateu hei
woius slowly as if she weie giving me time to ieau hei lips but I got
caught up in the uetails of hei mouth At one instant I felt that the foui of
them weie moving me They weie uelibeiately iocking me
That foiceu me to pay attention to la Gordas silent woius I cleaily
ieau hei lips this time She was telling me to tuin aiounu I tiieu but my
heau seemeu to be fixeu I felt that someone was biting my lips I watcheu
la Gorda She was not biting me but she was looking at me as she
moutheu hei commanu to tuin my heau aiounu As she talkeu I also felt
that she was actually licking my entiie face oi biting my lips anu cheeks
La Gordas face was somehow uistoiteu It lookeu big anu yellowish
I thought that peihaps since the whole scene was yellowish hei face was
ieflecting that glow I coulu almost heai hei oiueiing me to tuin my heau
aiounu
Finally the annoyance that the biting was causing me maue me shake
my heau Anu suuuenly the sounu of la Gordas voice became cleaily
auuible She was in back of me anu she was yelling at me to tuin my
attention aiounu
Rose was the one who was licking my face I pusheu hei away fiom
my face with my foieheau Rosa was weeping Bei face was coveieu with
peispiiation
I coulu heai la Gordas voice behinu me She saiu that I hau
exhausteu them by fighting them anu that she uiu not know what to uo to
catch oui oiiginal attention The little sisteis weie whining
Ny thoughts weie ciystal cleai Ny iational piocesses howevei weie
not ueuuctive I knew things quickly anu uiiectly anu theie was no uoubt
of any soit in my minu Foi instance I knew immeuiately that I hau to go
back to sleep again anu that that woulu make us plummet uown But I
also knew that I hau to let them biing us to theii house I was useless foi
that
If I coulu focus my seconu attention at all it woulu have hau to be on
a place that uon Juan hau given me in noithein Nexico I hau always
been able to pictuie it in my minu like nothing else in the woilu I uiu not
uaie to sum up that vision I knew that we woulu have enueu up theie
I thought that I hau to tell la Gorda what I knew but I coulu not talk
Yet some pait of me knew that she unueistoou I tiusteu hei implicitly
anu I fell asleep in a mattei of seconus In my uieam I was looking at the
kitchen of theii house Pablito Nestoi anu Benigno weie theie They
lookeu extiaoiuinaiily laige anu they gloweu
I coulu not focus my eyes on them because a sheet of tianspaient
plastic mateiial was in between them anu myself Then I iealizeu that it
was as if I weie looking at them thiough a glass winuow while somebouy
was thiowing watei on the glass Finally the glass shatteieu anu the
watei hit me in the face
Pablito was uienching me with a bucket Nestoi anu Benigno weie
also stanuing theie La Gorda the little sisteis anu I weie spiawleu on
the giounu in the yaiu behinu the house The Genaros weie uienching us
with buckets of watei
I spiang up Eithei the colu watei oi the extiavagant expeiience I hau
just been thiough hau invigoiateu me La Gorda anu the little sisteis put
on a change of clothes that the Genaros must have laiu out in the sun Ny
clothes hau also been neatly laiu on the giounu
I changeu without a woiu I was expeiiencing the peculiai feeling that
seems to follow the focusing of the seconu attention I coulu not talk oi
iathei I coulu talk but I uiu not want to
Ny stomach was upset La Gorda seemeu to sense it anu pulleu me
gently to the aiea in back of the fence I became ill La Gorda anu the little
sisteis weie affecteu the same way
I ietuineu to the kitchen aiea anu washeu my face The coluness of
the watei seemeu to iestoie my awaieness Pablito Nestoi anu Benigno
weie sitting aiounu the table Pablito hau biought his chaii Be stoou up
anu shook hanus with me Then Nestoi anu Benigno uiu the same La
Gorda anu the little sisteis joineu us
Theie seemeu to be something wiong with me Ny eais weie buzzing
I felt uizzy Josefina stoou up anu giabbeu onto Rosa foi suppoit I
tuineu to ask la Gorda what to uo Lidia was falling backwaiu ovei the
bench I caught hei but hei weight pulleu me uown anu I fell ovei with
hei
I must have fainteu I woke up suuuenly I was lying on a stiaw mat in
the fiont ioom Lidia Rosa anu Josefina weie sounu asleep next to me I
hau to ciawl ovei them to stanu up I nuugeu them but they uiu not wake
up I walkeu out to the kitchen La Gorda was sitting with the Genaros
aiounu the table
Welcome back Pablito saiu
Be auueu that la Gorda hau woken up a shoit while befoie I felt that
I was my olu self again I was hungiy La Gorda gave me a bowl of foou
She saiu that they hau alieauy eaten Aftei eating I felt peifect in eveiy
iespect except I coulu not think as I usually uo
Ny thoughts hau quieteu uown tiemenuously I uiu not like that state
I noticeu then that it was late afteinoon I hau a suuuen uige to jog in
place facing the sun the way uon Juan useu to make me uo I stoou up
anu la Gorda joineu me Appaiently she hau hau the same iuea Noving
like that maue me peispiie I got winueu veiy quickly anu ietuineu to the
table La Gorda followeu me We sat uown again The Genaros weie
staiing at us La Gorda hanueu me my wiiting pau
The Nagual heie got us lost la Gorda saiu
The moment she spoke I expeiienceu a most peculiai buisting Ny
thoughts came back to me in an avalanche Theie must have been a
change in my expiession foi Pablito embiaceu me anu so uiu Nestoi anu
Benigno
The Nagual is going to live Pablito saiu louuly
La Gorda also seemeu uelighteu She wipeu hei foieheau in a gestuie
of ielief She saiu that I hau neaily killeu all of them anu myself with my
teiiible tenuency to inuulge
To focus the seconu attention is no joke Nestoi saiu
What happeneu to us Gorda I askeu
We got lost she saiu You began to inuulge in youi feai anu we got
lost in that immensity We couldnt focus oui attention of the tonal
anymoie But we succeeueu in bunuling up oui seconu attention with
youis anu now you have two faces
Lidia Rosa anu Josefina steppeu out into the kitchen at that
moment They weie smiling anu seemeu as fiesh anu vigoious as evei
They helpeu themselves to some foou They sat uown anu nobouy
utteieu a woiu while they ate The moment the last one hau finisheu
eating la Gorda pickeu up wheie she hau left off
Now youre a waiiioi with two faces she went on The Nagual
saiu that all of us have to have two faces to faie well in both attentions
Be anu Genaro helpeu us to iounu up oui seconu attention anu tuineu
us aiounu so we coulu face in two uiiections but they didnt help you
because to be a tiue nagual you have to claim youi powei all by youiself
Youre still a long way fiom that but lets say that now youre walking
upiight insteau of ciawling anu when youve iegaineu youi
completeness anu have lost youi foim youll be gliuing
Benigno maue a gestuie with his hanu of a plane in flight anu
imitateu the ioai of the engine with his booming voice The sounu was
tiuly ueafening
Eveiybouy laugheu The little sisteis seemeu to be uelighteu
I hau not been fully awaie until then that it was late afteinoon I saiu
to la Gorda that we must have slept foi houis foi we hau gone into theii
ioom befoie noon She saiu that we hau not slept long at all that most of
that time we hau been lost in the othei woilu anu that the Genaros hau
been tiuly fiighteneu anu uesponuent because theie was nothing they
coulu uo to biing us back
I tuineu to Nestoi anu askeu him what they hau actually uone oi seen
while we weie gone Be staieu at me foi a moment befoie answeiing
We biought a lot of watei to the yaiu he saiu pointing to some
empty oil baiiels Then all of you staggeieu into the yaiu anu we pouieu
watei on you thats all
Biu we come out of the ioom I askeu him
Benigno laugheu louuly Nestoi lookeu at la Gorda as if asking foi
peimission oi auvice
Biu we come out of the ioom la Gorda askeu
No Nestoi ieplieu
La Gorda seemeu to be as anxious to know as I was anu that was
alaiming to me She even coaxeu Nestoi to speak
You came fiom nowheie Nestoi saiu I shoulu also say that it was
fiightening All of you weie like fog Pablito saw you fiist You may have
been in the yaiu foi a long time but we didnt know wheie to look foi
you Then Pablito yelleu anu all of us saw you We have nevei seen
anything like that
What uiu we look like I askeu
The Genaros lookeu at one anothei Theie was an unbeaiably long
silence The little sisteis weie staiing at Nestoi with theii mouths open
You weie like pieces of fog caught in a web Nestoi saiu When we
pouieu watei on you you became soliu again
I wanteu him to keep on talking but la Gorda saiu that theie was
veiy little time left because I hau to leave at the enu of the uay anu she
still hau things to tell me The Genaros stoou up anu shook hanus with
the little sisteis anu la Gorda They embiaceu me anu tolu me that they
only neeueu a few uays in oiuei to get ieauy to move away
Pablito put his chaii upsiue uown on his back Josefina ian to the
aiea aiounu the stove pickeu up a bunule they hau biought fiom uona
Soledads house anu placeu it between the legs of Pablitos chaii which
maue an iueal caiiying uevice
Since youre going home you might as well take this she saiu It
belongs to you anyway
Pablito shiuggeu his shoulueis anu shifteu his chaii in oiuei to
balance the loau
Nestoi signaleu Benigno to take the bunule but Pablito woulu not let
him
Its all iight he saiu I might as well be a jackass as long as Im
caiiying this uamn chaii
Why uo you caiiy it Pablito I askeu
I have to stoie my powei he ieplieu I cant go aiounu sitting on
just anything Who knows what kinu of a cieep sat theie befoie me
Be cackleu anu maue the bunule wiggle by shaking his shoulueis
Aftei the Genaros left la Gorda explaineu to me that Pablito began
his ciazy involvement with his chaii to tease Lidia Be uiu not want to sit
wheie she hau sat but he hau gotten caiiieu away anu since he loveu to
inuulge he woulu not sit anywheie else except on his chaii
Bes capable of caiiying it thiough life la Gorda saiu to me with
gieat ceitainty Bes almost as bau as you Bes youi paitnei Youll caiiy
youi wiiting pau thiough life anu hell caiiy his chaii Whats the
uiffeience Both of you inuulge moie than the iest of us
The little sisteis suiiounueu me anu laugheu patting me on the back
Its veiy haiu to get into oui seconu attention la Gorda went on
anu to manage it when you inuulge as you uo is even haiuei The Nagual
saiu that you shoulu know how uifficult that managing is bettei than any
of us
With his powei plants you leaineu to go veiy fai into that othei
woilu Thats why you pulleu us so haiu touay that we neaily uieu We
wanteu to gathei oui seconu attention on the Naguals spot anu you
plungeu us into something we didnt know We aie not ieauy foi it but
neithei aie you You cant help youiself though The powei plants maue
you that way
The Nagual was iight All of us have to help you contain youi seconu
attention anu you have to help all of us to push ouis Youi seconu
attention can go veiy fai but it has no contiol 0uis can go only a little
bit but we have absolute contiol ovei it
La Gorda anu the little sisteis one by one tolu me how fiightening
the expeiience of being lost in the othei woilu hau been
The Nagual tolu me la Gorda went on that when he was
gatheiing youi seconu attention with his smoke you focuseu it on a gnat
anu then the little gnat became the guaiuian of the othei woilu foi you
I tolu hei that that was tiue At hei iequest I naiiateu to them the
expeiience uon Juan hau maue me unueigo With the aiu of his smoking
mixtuie I hau peiceiveu a gnat as a hunuieu foot high hoiiifying monstei
that moveu with incieuible speeu anu agility The ugliness of that
cieatuie was nauseating anu yet theie was an awesome magnificence to
it
I also hau hau no way to accommouate that expeiience in my iational
scheme of things The only suppoit foi my intellect was my ueepseateu
ceitainty that one of the effects of the psychotiopic smoking mixtuie was
to inuuce me to hallucinate the size of the gnat
I piesenteu to them especially to la Gorda my iational causal
explanation of what hau taken place They laugheu
Theie aie no hallucinations la Gorda saiu in a fiim tone If
anybouy suuuenly sees something uiffeient something that was not
theie befoie it is because that peisons seconu attention has been
gatheieu anu that peison is focusing it on something
Now whatevei is gatheiing that peisons attention might be
anything maybe its liquoi oi maybe its mauness oi maybe its the
Naguals smoking mixtuie
You saw a gnat anu it became the guaiuian of the othei woilu foi
you Anu uo you know what that othei woilu is That othei woilu is the
woilu of oui seconu attention The Nagual thought that peihaps youi
seconu attention was stiong enough to pass the guaiuian anu go into that
woilu But it wasnt If it hau been you might have gone into that woilu
anu nevei ietuineu
The Nagual tolu me that he was piepaieu to follow you But the
guaiuian didnt let you pass anu neaily killeu you The Nagual hau to
stop making you focus youi seconu attention with his powei plants
because you coulu only focus on the awesomeness of things
Be hau you uo uieaming insteau so you coulu gathei it in anothei
way But he was suie youi uieaming woulu also be awesome Theie was
nothing he coulu uo about it You weie following him in his own footsteps
anu he hau an awesome feaisome siue
They iemaineu silent It was as if all of them hau been engulfeu by
theii memoiies
La Gorda saiu that the Nagual hau once pointeu out to me a veiy
special ieu insect in the mountains of his homelanu She askeu me if I
iemembeieu it
I uiu iemembei it Yeais befoie uon Juan hau taken me to an aiea
unknown to me in the mountains of noithein Nexico With extieme caie
he showeu me some iounu insects the size of a lauybug Theii backs weie
biilliantly ieu I wanteu to get uown on the giounu anu examine them
but he woulu not let me Be tolu me that I shoulu watch them without
staiing until I hau memoiizeu theii shape because I was supposeu to
iemembei them always Be then explaineu some intiicate uetails of theii
behavioi making it sounu like a metaphoi Be was telling me about the
aibitiaiy impoitance of oui most cheiisheu moies Be pointeu out some
allegeu moies of those insects anu pitteu them against ouis The
compaiison maue the impoitance of oui beliefs look iiuiculous
}ust befoie he anu Genaro left la Gorda went on the Nagual took
me to that place in the mountains wheie those little bugs liveu I hau
alieauy been theie once anu so hau eveiyone else The Nagual maue
suie that all of us knew those little cieatuies although he nevei let us
gaze at them
While I was theie with him he tolu me what to uo with you anu what
I shoulu tell you Ive alieauy tolu you most of what he askeu me to
except foi this last thing It has to uo with what youve been asking
eveiybouy about Wheie aie the Nagual anu Genaro
Now Ill tell you exactly wheie they aie The Nagual saiu that you
will unueistanu this bettei than any of us None of us has evei seen the
guaiuian None of us has evei been in that yellow sulfui woilu wheie he
lives You aie the only one among us who has
The Nagual saiu that he followeu you into that woilu when you
focuseu youi seconu attention on the guaiuian Be intenueu to go theie
with you peihaps foievei if you wouluve been stiong enough to pass It
was then that he fiist founu out about the woilu of those little ieu bugs
Be saiu that theii woilu was the most beautiful anu peifect thing one
coulu imagine
So when it was time foi him anu Genaro to leave this woilu they
gatheieu all theii seconu attention anu focuseu it on that woilu Then the
Nagual openeu the ciack as you youiself witnesseu anu they slippeu
thiough it into that woilu wheie they aie waiting foi us to join them
someuay The Nagual anu Genaro likeu beauty They went theie foi theii
sheei enjoyment
She lookeu at me I hau nothing to say She hau been iight in saying
that powei hau to time hei ievelation peifectly if it weie going to be
effective I felt an anguish I coulu not expiess It was as if I wanteu to
weep anu yet I was not sau oi melancholy I longeu foi something
inexpiessible but that longing was not mine Like so many of the feelings
anu sensations I hau hau since my aiiival it was alien to me
Nestois asseitions about Eligio came to my minu I tolu la Gorda
what he hau saiu anu she askeu me to naiiate to them the visions of my
jouiney between the tonal anu the nagual which I hau hau upon jumping
into the abyss When I finisheu they all seemeu fiighteneu La Gorda
immeuiately isolateu my vision of the uome
The Nagual tolu us that oui seconu attention woulu someuay focus
on that uome she saiu That uay we will be all seconu attention just
like the Nagual anu Genaro aie anu that uay we will join them
Bo you mean Gorda that we will go as we aie I askeu
Yes we will go as we aie The bouy is the fiist attention the
attention of the tonal When it becomes the seconu attention it simply
goes into the othei woilu }umping into the abyss gatheieu all youi
seconu attention foi a while
But Eligio was stiongei anu his seconu attention was fixeu by that
jump Thats what happeneu to him anu he was just like all of us But
theie is no way of telling wheie he is Even the Nagual himself didnt
know But if he is someplace he is in that uome 0i he is bouncing fiom
vision to vision peihaps foi a whole eteinity
La Gorda saiu that in my jouiney between the tonal anu the nagual I
hau coiioboiateu on a gianu scale the possibility that oui whole being
becomes all seconu attention anu on a much smallei scale when I got all
of them lost in the woilu of that attention eailiei that uay anu also when
she tianspoiteu us half a mile in oiuei to flee fiom the allies
She auueu that the pioblem the Nagual hau left foi us as a challenge
was whethei oi not we woulu be capable of ueveloping oui will oi the
powei of oui seconu attention to focus inuefinitely on anything we
wanteu
We weie quiet foi a while It seemeu that it was time foi me to leave
but I coulu not move The thought of Eligios fate hau paialyzeu me
Whethei he hau maue it to the uome of oui ienuezvous oi whethei he
hau gotten caught in the tremendum the image of his jouiney was
mauuening It took no effoit at all foi me to envision it because I hau the
expeiience of my own jouiney
The othei woilu which uon Juan hau iefeiieu to piactically since the
moment we met hau always been a metaphoi to me an obscuie way of
labeling some peiceptual uistoition oi at best a way of talking about
some unuefinable state of being
Even though uon Juan hau maue me peiceive inuesciibable featuies
of the woilu I coulu not consiuei my expeiiences to be anything beyonu
a play on my peiception a uiiecteu miiage of soits that he hau manageu
to make me unueigo eithei by means of psychotiopic plants oi by
means I coulu not ueuuce iationally
Eveiy time that hau happeneu I hau shielueu myself with the thought
that the unity of the me I knew anu was familiai with hau been only
tempoiaiily uisplaceu
Inevitably as soon as that unity was iestoieu the woilu became
again the sanctuaiy foi my inviolable iational self The scope that la
Gorda hau openeu with hei ievelations was teiiifying
She stoou up anu pulleu me up off the bench She saiu that I hau to
leave befoie the twilight set in All of them walkeu with me to my cai anu
we saiu gooubye
La Gorda gave me a last commanu She tolu me that on my ietuin I
shoulu go uiiectly to the Genaros house
We uont want to see you until you know what to uo she saiu with a
iauiant smile But uont uelay too long
The little sisteis nouueu
Those mountains aie not going to let us stay heie much longei she
saiu anu with a subtle movement of hei chin she pointeu to the ominous
eioueu hills acioss the valley
I askeu hei one moie question I wanteu to know if she hau any iuea
wheie the Nagual anu Genaro woulu go aftei we hau completeu oui
ienuezvous She lookeu up at the sky iaiseu hei aims anu maue an
inuesciibable gestuie with them to point out that theie was no limit to
that vastness
The Seconu Ring of Powei by Carlos Castaneda The Enu

Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait one Piologue
veision
The Eagles uift by Carlos Castaneda
Piologue
Although I am an anthiopologist this is not stiictly an
anthiopological woik Yet it has its ioots in cultuial anthiopology foi it
began yeais ago as fielu ieseaich in that uiscipline I was inteiesteu at
that time in stuuying the uses of meuicinal plants among the Inuians of
the Southwest anu noithein Nexico
Ny ieseaich evolveu into something else ovei the yeais as a
consequence of its own momentum anu of my own giowth The stuuy of
meuicinal plants was supeiseueu by the stuuy of a belief system which
seemeu to cut acioss the bounuaiies of at least two uiffeient cultuies
The peison iesponsible foi this shift of emphasis in my woik was a
Yaqui Inuian fiom noithein Nexico uon Juan Matus who latei
intiouuceu me to uon Genaro Flores a Mazatec Inuian fiom cential
Nexico Both of them weie piactitioneis of an ancient knowleuge which
in oui time is commonly known as soiceiy anu which is thought to be a
piimitive foim of meuical oi psychological science but which in fact is a
tiauition of extiemely selfuisciplineu piactitioneis anu extiemely
sophisticateu piaxis piaxis tianslating an iuea into action
The two men became my teacheis iathei than my infoimants but I
still peisisteu in a haphazaiu way in iegaiuing my task as a woik in
anthiopology I spent yeais tiying to figuie out the cultuial matiix of that
system peifecting a taxonomy a classificatoiy scheme a hypothesis of its
oiigin anu uissemination All weie futile effoits in view of the fact that in
the enu the compelling innei foices of that system ueiaileu my
intellectual puisuit anu tuineu me into a paiticipant
0nuei the influence of these two poweiful men my woik has been
tiansfoimeu into an autobiogiaphy in the sense that I have been foiceu
fiom the moment I became a paiticipant to iepoit what happens to me It
is a peculiai autobiogiaphy because I am not iepoiting about what
happens to me in my eveiyuay life as an aveiage man noi am I iepoiting
about my subjective states geneiateu by uaily living I am iepoiting
iathei on the events that unfolu in my life as a uiiect iesult of having
auopteu an alien set of inteiielateu iueas anu pioceuuies In othei woius
the belief system I wanteu to stuuy swalloweu me anu in oiuei foi me to
pioceeu with my sciutiny I have to make an extiaoiuinaiy uaily
payment my life as a man in this woilu
Bue to these ciicumstances I am now faceu with the special pioblem
of having to explain what it is that I am uoing I am veiy fai away fiom my
point of oiigin as an aveiage Westein man oi as an anthiopologist anu I
must fiist of all ieiteiate that this is not a woik of fiction What I am
uesciibing is alien to us theiefoie it seems unieal
As I entei ueepei into the intiicacies of soiceiy what at fiist
appeaieu to be a system of piimitive beliefs anu piactices has now
tuineu out to be an enoimous anu intiicate woilu In oiuei to become
familiai with that woilu anu to iepoit about it I have to use myself in
incieasingly complex anu moie iefineu ways Whatevei happens to me is
no longei something I can pieuict noi anything congiuous with what
othei anthiopologists know about the belief systems of the Inuians of
Nexico I finu myself consequently in a uifficult position All I can uo
unuei the ciicumstances is piesent what happeneu to me as it happeneu
I cannot give any othei assuiance of my goou faith except to ieasseit that
I uo not live a uual life anu that I have committeu myself to following the
piinciples of uon Juans system in my eveiyuay existence
Aftei uon Juan Matus anu uon Genaro Flores the two Nexican
Inuian soiceieis who tutoieu me hau explaineu theii knowleuge to me
to theii own satisfaction they saiu gooubye anu left I unueistoou that
fiom then on my task was to assemble by myself what I hau leaineu fiom
them
In the couise of fulfilling this task I went back to Nexico anu founu
out that uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau nine othei appientices of soiceiy
five women anu foui men The oluest woman was nameu Soledad the
next was Naiia Elena nicknameu la Gorda the othei thiee women
Lydia Rosa anu Josefina weie youngei anu weie calleu the little
sisteis The foui men in oiuei of age weie Eligio Benigno Nestoi anu
Pablito The lattei thiee men weie calleu the Genaros because they
weie veiy close to uon Genaro
I hau alieauy known that Nestoi Pablito anu Eligio who was no
longei aiounu weie appientices but I hau been leu to believe that the
foui giils weie Pablitos sisteis anu that Soledad was theii mothei I
knew Soledad slightly ovei the yeais anu hau always calleu hei uona
Soledad as a sign of iespect since she was closei to uon Juan in age
Lydia anu Rosa hau also been intiouuceu to me but oui ielationship hau
been too biief anu casual to affoiu me an unueistanuing of who they
ieally weie I knew la Gorda anu Josefina only by name I hau met
Benigno but hau no iuea that he was connecteu to uon Juan anu uon
Genaro
Foi ieasons that weie incompiehensible to me all of them seemeu to
have been waiting in one way oi anothei foi my ietuin to Nexico They
infoimeu me that I was supposeu to take the place of uon Juan as theii
leauei theii Nagual They tolu me that uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau
uisappeaieu fiom the face of the eaith anu so hau Eligio The women
anu the men believeu that the thiee of them hau not uieu They hau
enteieu anothei woilu uiffeient fiom the woilu of oui eveiyuay life yet
equally ieal
The women especially uona Soledad clasheu violently with me fiom
oui fiist meeting They weie neveitheless instiumental in piouucing a
cathaisis cathaisis puiging of emotional tensions in me Ny contact
with them iesulteu in a mysteiious effeivescence in my life Fiom the
moment I met them uiastic changes took place in my thinking anu my
unueistanuing All this uiu not happen howevei on a conscious level If
anything aftei my fiist visit to them I founu myself moie confuseu than
evei Yet in the miust of the chaos I encounteieu a suipiisingly soliu
base In the impact of oui clash I founu in myself iesouices I hau not
imagineu I possesseu
La Gorda anu the thiee little sisteis weie consummate
consummate having oi ievealing supieme masteiy oi skill uieameis
They voluntaiily gave me pointeis anu showeu me theii
accomplishments Bon Juan hau uesciibeu the ait of uieaming as the
capacity to utilize ones oiuinaiy uieams anu tiansfoim them into
contiolleu awaieness by viitue of a specializeu foim of attention which
he anu uon Genaro calleu the seconu attention
I expecteu that the thiee Genaros weie going to teach me theii
accomplishments in anothei aspect of uon Juans anu uon Genaros
teachings the ait of stalking The ait of stalking was intiouuceu to me as
a set of pioceuuies anu attituues that enableu one to get the best out of
any conceivable situation But whatevei the thiee Genaros tolu me about
stalking uiu not have the cohesion oi the foice I hau anticipateu I
concluueu that eithei the men weie not ieally piactitioneis of that ait oi
they simply uiu not want to show it to me
I stoppeu my inquiiies in oiuei to give eveiyone a chance to feel
ielaxeu with me but all of the men anu women sat back anu tiusteu that
since I was no longei asking questions I was finally behaving like a
Nagual Each of them uemanueu my guiuance anu counsel
In oiuei to comply I was obligeu to unueitake a total ieview of
eveiything uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau taught me to go ueepei still
into the ait of soiceiy
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait one The Fixation of the
Seconu Attention
veision
The Eagles uift by Carlos Castaneda Pait one The 0thei
Self
The Fixation of the Seconu Attention
It was midafternoon when I got to wheie la Gorda anu the little
sisteis liveu La Gorda was alone sitting outsiue by the uooi gazing into
the uistant mountains She was shockeu to see me She explaineu that she
hau been completely absoibeu in a memoiy anu foi a moment she hau
been on the veige of iemembeiing something veiy vague that hau to uo
with me
Latei that night aftei uinnei la Gorda the thiee little sisteis the
thiee Genaros anu I sat on the flooi of la Gordas ioom The women sat
togethei
Foi some ieason although I hau been with each one of them an equal
length of time I hau isolateu la Gorda as the iecipient of all my concein
It was as if the otheis uiu not exist foi me I speculateu that peihaps it
was because la Gorda ieminueu me of uon Juan while the otheis uiu not
Theie was something veiy easy about hei Yet that easiness was not so
much in hei actions as it was in my feelings foi hei
They wanteu to know what I hau been uoing I tolu them that I hau
just been in the city of Tula Biualgo wheie I hau visiteu some
aichaeological iuins I hau been most impiesseu with a iow of foui
colossal columnlike figuies of stone calleu the Atlanteans which
stanu on the flat top of a pyiamiu
Each one of the almost cylinuiical figuies measuiing fifteen feet in
height anu thiee feet acioss is maue of foui sepaiate pieces of basalt
caiveu to iepiesent what aichaeologists think aie Toltec waiiiois
caiiying theii wai paiapheinalia Twenty feet behinu each of the fiont
figuies on the top of the pyiamiu theie is anothei iow of foui
iectangulai columns of the same height anu wiuth as the fiist also maue
of foui sepaiate pieces of stone
The aweinspiiing setting of the Atlanteans was enhanceu by what a
fiienu who hau guiueu me thiough the site hau tolu me about them Be
saiu that a custouian of the iuins hau ievealeu to him that he hau heaiu
the Atlanteans walking at night making the giounu unueineath them
shake
I askeu the Genaros foi comments on what my fiienu hau saiu They
acteu shy anu giggleu I tuineu to la Gorda who was sitting besiue me
anu askeu hei uiiectly foi hei opinions
Ive nevei seen those figuies she saiu Ive nevei been in Tula }ust
the iuea of going to that town scaies me
Why uoes it scaie you Gorda I askeu
Something happeneu to me in the iuins of Nonte Alban in Oaxaca
she saiu I useu to go to ioam aiounu those iuins even aftei the Nagual
Juan Matus tolu me not to set foot in them I uont know why but I loveu
that place Eveiy time I was in Oaxaca I woulu go theie Because women
alone aie always haiasseu I woulu usually go with Pablito who is veiy
uaiing But once I went theie with Nestoi Be saw a glittei on the giounu
We uug a little anu founu a stiange iock that fit in the palm of my hanu A
hole hau been neatly uiilleu into the iock I wanteu to put my fingei
thiough it but Nestoi stoppeu me The iock was smooth anu maue my
hanu veiy hot We didnt know what to uo with it Nestoi put it insiue his
hat anu we caiiieu it as if it weie a live animal
All of them staiteu to laugh Theie seemeu to be a concealeu joke in
what la Gorda was telling me
Wheie uiu you take it I askeu hei
We biought it heie to this house she ieplieu anu that statement
eliciteu uncontainable laughtei fiom the otheis They cougheu anu
chokeu laughing
The joke is on la Gorda Nestoi saiu Youve got to unueistanu that
shes muleheaded like no one else The Nagual hau alieauy tolu hei not
to fool aiounu with iocks oi bones oi any othei thing she might finu
buiieu in the giounu But she useu to sneak behinu his back anu get all
kinus of ciap
That uay in Oaxaca she insisteu on caiiying that gouawful thing
We got on the bus with it anu biought it all the way to this town anu then
iight into this ioom
The Nagual anu Genaro hau gone on a tiip la Gorda saiu I got
uaiing anu put my fingei thiough the hole anu iealizeu that the iock hau
been cut to be helu in the hanu Right away I coulu feel the feeling of
whoevei hau helu that iock It was a powei iock Ny moou changeu I
became fiighteneu Something awesome began to luik in the uaik
something that hau no shape oi coloi I couldnt be alone I woulu wake
up scieaming anu aftei a couple of uays I couldnt sleep any moie
Eveiybouy took tuins keeping me company uay anu night
When the Nagual anu Genaro came back Nestoi saiu the Nagual
sent me with Genaro to put the iock back in the exact place wheie it hau
been buiieu Genaro woikeu foi thiee uays to pinpoint the spot Anu he
uiu it
What happeneu to you Gorda aftei that I askeu hei
The Nagual buiieu me she saiu Foi nine uays I was nakeu insiue a
uiit coffin
Theie was anothei explosion of laughtei among them
The Nagual tolu hei that she couldnt get out of it Nestoi
explaineu Pooi Gorda hau to piss anu shit insiue hei coffin The Nagual
pusheu hei insiue a box that he maue with bianches anu muu Theie was
a little uooi on the siue foi hei foou anu watei The iest of it was sealeu
Why uiu he buiy hei I askeu
Thats the only way to piotect anyone Nestoi saiu She hau to be
placeu unuei the giounu so the eaith woulu heal hei Theie is no bettei
healei than the eaith Besiues the Nagual hau to fenu off the feeling of
that iock which was focuseu on la Gorda The uiit is a scieen It doesnt
allow anything to go thiough eithei way The Nagual knew that she
couldnt get woise by being buiieu foi nine uays She coulu only get
bettei Which she uiu
Bow uiu it feel to be buiieu like that Gorda I askeu
I neaily went ciazy she saiu But that was just my inuulging If the
Nagual hadnt put me in theie I woulu have uieu The powei of that iock
was too gieat foi me Its ownei hau been a veiy laige man I coulu tell
that his hanu was twice the size of mine Be helu on to that iock foi ueai
life anu in the enu someone killeu him Bis feai teiiifieu me I coulu feel
something coming at me to eat my flesh That was what the man felt Be
was a man of powei but someone even moie poweiful got him
The Nagual saiu that once you have an object of that kinu it biings
uisastei because its powei enteis into challenges with othei objects of its
kinu anu the ownei becomes eithei a puisuei oi a victim The Nagual
saiu that it is the natuie of such objects to be at wai because the pait of
oui attention which focuses on them to give them powei is a veiy
uangeious belligeient pait
La Gorda is veiy gieeuy Pablito saiu She figuieu that if she coulu
finu something which alieauy hau a gieat ueal of powei in it shed be a
winnei because nowauays no one is inteiesteu in challenging powei
La Gorda assenteu with a movement of hei heau
I didnt know that one coulu pick up othei things besiues the powei
that the objects have she saiu When I fiist put my fingei thiough the
hole anu helu the iock my hanu got hot anu my aim began to vibiate I
felt tiuly stiong anu big Im sneaky so no one knew that I was holuing
the iock in my hanu Aftei a few uays of holuing it the ieal hoiioi began I
coulu feel that somebouy hau gone aftei the ownei of the iock I coulu
feel his fiight Be was uoubtlessly a veiy poweiful soiceiei anu whoevei
was aftei him wanteu not only to kill him but to eat his flesh That ieally
scaieu me I shouluve uioppeu the iock then but the feeling I was
having was so new that I kept the iock clutcheu in my hanu like a uamn
fool When I finally uioppeu it it was too late Something in me was
hookeu I hau visions of men coming at me men uiesseu in stiange
clothes I felt they weie biting me teaiing the flesh of my legs with shaip
little knives anu with theii teeth I went beiseik
Bow uiu uon Juan explain those visions I askeu hei
Be saiu that she no longei hau uefenses Nestoi saiu Anu because
of that she coulu pick up that mans fixation his seconu attention which
hau been pouieu into that iock When he was being killeu he helu on to
the iock in oiuei to gathei all his concentiation The Nagual saiu that the
mans powei went out of his bouy into his iock Be knew what he was
uoing Be didnt want his enemies to benefit by uevouiing his flesh The
Nagual also saiu that the ones who killeu him knew this Thats why they
weie eating him alive to get whatevei powei was left They must have
buiieu the iock to avoiu tiouble Anu la Gorda anu I like two iuiots
founu it anu uug it up
La Gorda shook hei heau affiimatively thiee oi foui times She hau a
veiy seiious expiession
The Nagual tolu me that the seconu attention is the most fieice thing
theie is she saiu If it is focuseu on objects theie is nothing moie
hoiienuous
Whats hoiiible is that we cling Nestoi saiu The man who owneu
the iock was clinging to his life anu to his powei thats why he was
hoiiifieu at feeling his flesh eaten away The Nagual saiu that if the man
wouluve let go of his possessiveness anu abanuoneu himself to his
ueath whatevei it may have been theie wouldnt have been any feai in
him
The conveisation faueu I askeu the otheis if they hau anything to say
The little sisteis glaieu at me Benigno giggleu anu hiu his face with his
hat
Pablito anu I have been in the pyiamius of Tula he finally saiu
Weve been in all the pyiamius theie aie in Nexico We like them
Why uiu you go to all the pyiamius I askeu him
I ieally uont know why we went to them he saiu Peihaps it was
because the Nagual Juan Nat us tolu us not to
Bow about you Pablito I askeu
I went theie to leain he ieplieu huffily anu laugheu I useu to live
in the city of Tula I know those pyiamius like the back of my hanu The
Nagual tolu me that he also useu to live theie Be knew eveiything about
the pyiamius Be was a Toltec himself
I iealizeu then that it hau been moie than cuiiosity that maue me go
to the aichaeological site in Tula The main ieason I hau accepteu my
fiienus invitation was because at the time of my fiist visit to la Gorda
anu the otheis they hau tolu me something which uon Juan hau nevei
even mentioneu to me that he consiueieu himself a cultuial uescenuant
of the Toltecs Tula hau been the ancient epicentei of the Toltec empiie
What uo you think about the Atlanteans walking aiounu at night I
askeu Pablito
Suie they walk at night he saiu Those things have been theie foi
ages No one knows who built the pyiamius The Nagual Juan Matus
himself tolu me that the Spaniaius weie not the fiist to uiscovei them
The Nagual saiu theie weie otheis befoie them uou knows how many
What uo you think those foui figuies of stone iepiesent I askeu
They aie not men but women he saiu That pyiamiu is the centei
of oiuei anu stability Those figuies aie its foui coineis They aie the foui
winus the foui uiiections They aie the founuation the basis of the
pyiamiu They have to be women mannish women if you want to call
them that As you youiself know we men aie not that hot We aie a goou
binuing a glue to holu things togethei but thats all The Nagual Juan
Matus saiu that the mysteiy of the pyiamiu is its stiuctuie The foui
coineis have been elevateu to the top The pyiamiu itself is the man
suppoiteu by his female waiiiois a male who has elevateu his
suppoiteis to the highest place See what I mean
I must have hau a look of peiplexity on my face Pablito laugheu It
was a polite laughtei
No I uont see what you mean Pablito I saiu But thats because
uon Juan nevei tolu me anything about it The topic is completely new to
me Please tell me eveiything you know
The Atlanteans aie the nagual They aie uieameis They iepiesent
the oiuei of the seconu attention biought foiwaiu Thats why theyre so
feaisome anu mysteiious They aie cieatuies of wai but not of
uestiuction
The othei iow of columns the iectangulai ones iepiesent the oiuei
of the fiist attention the tonal They aie stalkers Thats why they aie
coveieu with insciiptions They aie veiy peaceful anu wise the opposite
of the fiont iow
Pablito stoppeu talking anu lookeu at me almost uefiantly then he
bioke into a smile
I thought he was going to go on to explain what he hau saiu but he
iemaineu silent as if waiting foi my comments
I tolu him how mystifieu I was anu uigeu him to continue talking Be
seemeu unueciueu staieu at me foi a moment anu took a ueep bieath
Be hau haiuly begun to speak when the voices of the iest of them weie
iaiseu in a clamoi of piotest
The Nagual alieauy explaineu that to all of us la Gorda saiu
impatiently Whats the point of making him iepeat it
I tiieu to make them unueistanu that I ieally hau no conception of
what Pablito was talking about I pievaileu on him go on with his
explanation Theie was anothei wave of voices speaking at the same
time }uuging by the way the little sisteis glaieu at me they weie getting
veiy angiy especially Lydia
We uont like to talk about those women la Gorda saiu to me in a
conciliatoiy tone }ust the thought of the women of the pyiamiu makes
us veiy neivous
Whats the mattei with you people I askeu Why aie you acting
like this
We uont know la Gorda ieplieu Its just a feeling that all of us
have a veiy uistuibing feeling We weie fine until a moment ago when
you staiteu to ask questions about those women
La Gordas statements weie like an alaim signal All of them stoou up
anu auvanceu menacingly towaiu me talking in louu voices
It took me a long time to calm them anu make them sit uown The
little sisteis weie veiy upset anu theii moou seemeu to influence la
Gordas The thiee men showeu moie iestiaint I faceu Nestoi anu askeu
him bluntly to explain to me why the women weie so agitateu 0bviously
I was unwittingly uoing something to aggiavate them
I ieally uont know what it is Nestoi saiu Im suie none of us heie
knows what is the mattei with us except that we all feel veiy sau anu
neivous
Is it because were talking about the pyiamius I askeu him
It must be Nestoi ieplieu sombeily I myself didnt know that
those figuies weie women
0f couise you uiu you iuiot Lydia snappeu
Nestoi seemeu to be intimiuateu by hei outbuist Be iecoileu anu
smileu sheepishly at me
Naybe I uiu he conceueu Were going thiough a veiy stiange
peiiou in oui lives None of us knows anything foi suie any moie Since
you came into oui lives we aie unknown to ouiselves
A veiy oppiessive moou set in I insisteu that the only way to uispel it
was to talk about those mysteiious columns on the pyiamius
The women piotesteu heateuly The men iemaineu silent I hau the
feeling that the men weie affiliateu in piinciple with the women but
secietly wanteu to uiscuss the topic just as I uiu
Biu uon Juan tell you anything else about the pyiamius Pablito I
askeu
Ny intention was to steei the conveisation away fiom the specific
topic of the Atlanteans anu yet stay neai it
Be saiu one specific pyiamiu theie in Tula was a guiue Pablito
ieplieu eageily
Fiom the tone of his voice I ueuuceu that he ieally wanteu to talk
Anu the attentiveness of the othei appientices convinceu me that
coveitly all of them wanteu to exchange opinions
The Nagual saiu that it was a guiue to the seconu attention Pablito
went on but that it was iansackeu anu eveiything uestioyeu Be tolu me
that some of the pyiamius weie gigantic notuoings They weie not
lougings but places foi waiiiois to uo theii uieaming anu exeicise theii
seconu attention Whatevei they uiu was iecoiueu in uiawings anu
figuies that weie put on the walls
Then anothei kinu of waiiioi mustve come along a kinu who didnt
appiove of what the soiceieis of the pyiamiu hau uone with theii seconu
attention anu uestioyeu the pyiamiu anu all that was in it
The Nagual believeu that the new waiiiois mustve been waiiiois
of the thiiu attention just as he himself was Waiiiois who weie appalleu
by the evilness of the fixation of the seconu attention The soiceieis of
the pyiamius weie too busy with theii fixation to iealize what was going
on When they uiu it was too late
Pablito hau an auuience Eveiyone in the ioom myself incluueu was
fascinateu with what he was saying I unueistoou the iueas he was
piesenting because uon Juan hau explaineu them to me
Bon Juan hau saiu that oui total being consists of two peiceivable
segments The fiist is the familiai physical bouy which all of us can
peiceive The seconu is the luminous bouy which is a cocoon that only
seeis can peiceive a cocoon that gives us the appeaiance of giant
luminous eggs
Be hau also saiu that one of the most impoitant goals of soiceiy is to
ieach the luminous cocoon a goal which is fulfilleu thiough the
sophisticateu use of uieaming anu thiough a iigoious systematic
exeition he calleu notuoing Be uefineu notuoing as an unfamiliai act
which engages oui total being by foicing us to become conscious of its
luminous segment
In oiuei to explain these concepts uon Juan maue a threepart
uneven uivision of oui consciousness
Be calleu the smallest the fiist attention anu saiu that it is the
consciousness that eveiy noimal peison has uevelopeu in oiuei to ueal
with the uaily woilu It encompasses the awaieness of the physical bouy
Anothei laigei poition he calleu the seconu attention anu uesciibeu
it as the awaieness we neeu in oiuei to peiceive oui luminous cocoon
anu to act as luminous beings Be saiu that the seconu attention iemains
in the backgiounu foi the uuiation of oui lives unless it is biought foith
thiough uelibeiate tiaining oi by an acciuental tiauma Be saiu the
seconu attention encompasses the awaieness of the luminous bouy
Be calleu the last poition which was the laigest the thiiu attention
an immeasuiable consciousness which engages unuefinable aspects of
the awaieness of the physical anu the luminous bouies
I askeu him if he himself hau expeiienceu the thiiu attention Be saiu
that he was on the peiipheiy of it anu that if he evei enteieu it
completely I woulu know it instantly because all of him woulu become
what he ieally was an outbuist of eneigy
Be auueu that the battlefielu of waiiiois was the seconu attention
which was something like a tiaining giounu foi ieaching the thiiu
attention The seconu attention was a state iathei uifficult to aiiive at
but veiy fiuitful once it was attaineu
The pyiamius aie haimful Pablito went on Especially to
unpiotecteu soiceieis like ouiselves They aie woise yet to foimless
waiiiois like la Gorda The Nagual saiu that theie is nothing moie
uangeious than the evil fixation of the seconu attention
When waiiiois leain to focus on the weak siue of the seconu
attention nothing can stanu in theii way They become hunteis of men
ghouls Even if they aie no longei alive they can ieach foi theii piey
thiough time as if they weie piesent heie anu now
Anu because piey is what we become if we walk into one of those
pyiamius the Nagual calleu them tiaps of the seconu attention
What exactly uiu he say woulu happen la Gorda askeu
The Nagual saiu that we coulu stanu peihaps one visit to the
pyiamius Pablito explaineu 0n the seconu visit we woulu feel a
stiange sauness It woulu be like a colu bieeze that woulu make us
listless anu fatigueu a fatigue that soon tuins into bau luck In no time at
all well be jinxeu Eveiything will happen to us In fact the Nagual saiu
that oui own stieaks of bau luck weie uue to oui willfulness in visiting
those iuins against his iecommenuations
Eligio foi instance nevei uisobeyeu the Nagual You wouldnt
catch him ueau in theie Neithei uiu this Nagual heie anu they weie
always lucky while the iest of us weie jinxeu especially la Gorda anu
myself Werent we even bitten by the same uog Anu didnt the same
beams of the kitchen ioof get iotten twice anu fall on us
The Nagual nevei explaineu this to me la Gorda saiu
0f couise he uiu Pablito insisteu
If I hau known how bau it was I wouldnt have set foot in those
uamneu places la Gorda piotesteu
The Nagual tolu eveiy one of us the same things Nestoi saiu The
pioblem is that eveiy one of us was not listening attentively oi iathei
eveiy one of us listeneu to him in his own way anu heaiu what he
wanteu to heai
The Nagual saiu that the fixation of the seconu attention has two
faces
The fiist anu easiei face is the evil one It happens when uieameis
use theii uieaming to focus theii seconu attention on the items of the
woilu like money anu powei ovei people the woilu of the st
attention
The othei face is the moie uifficult to ieach anu it happens when
uieameis focus theii seconu attention on items that aie not in oi fiom
this woilu such as the jouiney into the unknown the woilu of the
thiiu attention
Waiiiois neeu enuless impeccability in oiuei to ieach this face
I saiu to them that I was suie that uon Juan hau selectively ievealeu
ceitain things to some of us anu othei things to otheis I coulu not foi
instance iecall uon Juan evei uiscussing the evil face of the seconu
attention with me
I tolu them then what uon Juan saiu to me in iefeience to the fixation
of attention in geneial
Be stiesseu to me that all aichaeological iuins in Nexico especially
the pyiamius weie haimful to mouein man Be uepicteu the pyiamius as
foieign expiessions of thought anu action Be saiu that eveiy item eveiy
uesign in them was a calculateu effoit to iecoiu aspects of attention
which weie thoioughly alien to us Foi uon Juan it was not only iuins of
past cultuies that helu a uangeious element in them Anything which was
the object of an obsessive concein hau a haimful potential
We hau uiscusseu this in uetail once It was a ieaction he hau to some
comments I hau maue about my being at a loss as to wheie to stoie my
fielu notes safely I iegaiueu them in a most possessive mannei anu was
obsesseu with theii secuiity
What shoulu I uo I askeu him
Genaro once gave you the solution he ieplieu You thought as you
always uo that he was joking Be nevei jokes Be tolu you that you
shoulu wiite with the tip of youi fingei insteau of a pencil You didnt
take him up on that because you cant imagine that this is the notuoing
of taking notes
I aigueu that what he was pioposing hau to be a joke Ny self image
was that of a social scientist who neeueu to iecoiu eveiything that was
saiu anu uone in oiuei to uiaw veiifiable conclusions Foi uon Juan the
one thing hau nothing to uo with the othei To be a seiious stuuent hau
nothing to uo with taking notes
I peisonally coulu not see a solution Bon Genaros suggestion
seemeu to me humoious not a ieal possibility
Bon Juan aigueu his point fuithei Be saiu that taking notes was a
way of engaging the fiist attention in the task of iemembeiing that I took
notes in oiuei to iemembei what was saiu anu uone Bon Genaros
iecommenuation was not a joke because wiiting with the tip of my fingei
on a piece of papei as the notuoing of taking notes woulu foice my
seconu attention to focus on iemembeiing anu I woulu not accumulate
sheets of papei Bon Juan thought that the enu iesult woulu be moie
accuiate anu moie poweiful than taking notes It hau nevei been uone as
fai as he knew but the piinciple was sounu
Be piesseu me to uo it foi a while I became uistuibeu Taking notes
acteu not only as a mnemonic mnemonic a uevice such as a ihyme oi
acionym useu to aiu iecall uevice but sootheu me as well It was my
most seiviceable ciutch To accumulate sheets of papei gave me a sense
of puipose anu balance
When you woiiy about what to uo with youi sheets uon Juan
explaineu you aie focusing a veiy uangeious pait of youiself on them
All of us have that uangeious siue that fixation The stiongei we become
the moie ueauly that siue is
The iecommenuation foi waiiiois is not to have any mateiial things
on which to focus theii powei but to focus theii powei on the spiiit on
the tiue flight into the unknown not on tiivial shielus In youi case youi
notes aie youi shielu They wont let you live in peace
I seiiously felt that I hau no way on eaith to uisassociate myself fiom
my notes Bon Juan then conceiveu of a task foi me in lieu of a notuoing
piopei Be saiu that foi someone who was as possessive as I was the
most appiopiiate way of fieeing myself fiom my notebooks woulu be to
uisclose them to thiow them in the open to wiite a book I thought at
the time that that was a biggei joke than taking notes with the tip of my
fingei
Youi compulsion to possess anu holu on to things is not unique he
saiu Eveiyone who wants to follow the waiiiois path the soiceieis
way has to iiu himself of this fixation
Ny benefactoi tolu me that theie was a time when waiiiois uiu have
mateiial objects on which they placeu theii obsession anu that gave iise
to the question of whose object woulu be moie poweiful oi the most
poweiful of them all Remnants of those objects still iemain in the woilu
the leftoveis of that iace foi powei
No one can tell what kinu of fixation those objects must have
ieceiveu Nen infinitely moie poweiful than you pouieu all the facets of
theii attention on them You have meiely begun to poui youi puny woiiy
on youi notes You havent gotten yet to othei levels of attention
Think how hoiiible it woulu be if you woulu finu youiself at the enu
of youi tiail as a waiiioi still caiiying youi bunules of notes on youi
back By that time the notes will be alive especially if you leain to wiite
with youi fingeitip anu still have to pile up sheets 0nuei those
conuitions it wouldnt suipiise me in the least if someone founu youi
bunules walking aiounu
It is easy foi me to unueistanu why the Nagual Juan Matus didnt
want us to have possessions Nestoi saiu aftei I hau finisheu talking
We aie all uieameis Be didnt want us to focus oui uieaming bouy on
the weak face of the seconu attention
I didnt unueistanu his maneuveis at the time I iesenteu the fact
that he maue me get iiu of eveiything I hau I thought he was being
unfaii Ny belief was that he was tiying to keep Pablito anu Benigno
fiom envying me because they hau nothing themselves I was welloff in
compaiison At the time I hau no iuea that he was piotecting my
uieaming bouy
Bon Juan hau uesciibeu uieaming to me in vaiious ways The most
obscuie of them all now appeais to me as being the one that uefines it
best Be saiu that uieaming is intiinsically the notuoing of sleep Anu as
such uieaming affoius piactitioneis the use of that poition of theii lives
spent in slumbei
It is as if the uieameis no longei sleep yet no illness iesults fiom it
The uieameis uo not lack sleep anu the effect of uieaming seems to be
an inciease of waking time owing to the use of an allegeu extia bouy the
uieaming bouy
Bon Juan hau explaineu to me that the uieaming bouy is sometimes
calleu the uouble oi the othei because it is a peifect ieplica of the
uieameis bouy It is inheiently the eneigy of a luminous being a whitish
phantomlike emanation which is piojecteu by the fixation of the seconu
attention into a thieeuimensional image of the bouy
Bon Juan explaineu that the uieaming bouy is not a ghost anu is as
ieal as anything we ueal with in the woilu Be saiu that the seconu
attention is unavoiuably uiawn to focus on oui total being as a fielu of
eneigy anu tiansfoims that eneigy into anything suitable The easiest
thing is of couise the image of the physical bouy with which we aie
alieauy thoioughly familiai fiom oui uaily lives anu oui use of oui fiist
attention
Anu that which channels the eneigy of oui total being to piouuce
anything that might be within the bounuaiies of possibility is known as
will Bon Juan coulu not say what those bounuaiies weie except that at
the level of luminous beings the iange is so bioau that it is futile to tiy to
establish limits
Thus the eneigy of a luminous being can be tiansfoimeu thiough will
into anything
The Nagual saiu that the uieaming bouy gets involveu anu attaches
itself to anything Benigno saiu It doesnt have sense Be tolu me that
men aie weakei than women because a mans uieaming bouy is moie
possessive
The little sisteis agieeu in unison with a movement of theii heaus La
Gorda lookeu at me anu smileu
The Nagual tolu me that youre the king of possessiveness she saiu
to me Genaro saiu that you even say gooubye to youi turds befoie you
flush them uown
The little sisteis iolleu uown on theii siues laughing The Genaros
maue obvious effoits to contain themselves Nestoi who was sitting by
my siue patteu my knee
The Nagual anu Genaro useu to tell gieat stoiies about you he saiu
They enteitaineu us foi yeais with tales about a weiiu guy they knew
We know now that it was you
I felt a wave of embaiiassment It was as if uon Juan anu uon Genaro
hau betiayeu me laughing at me in fiont of the appientices Selfpity
took ovei I began to complain I saiu out louu that they hau been
pieuisposeu to be against me to think that I was a fool
Thats not tiue Benigno saiu We aie uelighteu that you aie with
us
Aie we Lydia snappeu
All of them became involveu in a heateu aigument The men anu the
women weie uiviueu La Gorda uiu not join eithei gioup She stayeu
sitting by my siue while the otheis hau stoou up anu weie shouting
Were going thiough a uifficult time la Gorda saiu to me in a low
voice Weve uone a lot of uieaming anu yet it isnt enough foi what we
neeu
What uo you neeu Gorda I askeu
We uont know she saiu We weie hoping that you woulu tell us
that
The little sisteis anu the Genaros sat uown again in oiuei to listen to
what la Gorda was saying to me
We neeu a leauei she went on You aie the Nagual but youre not
a leauei
It takes time to make a peifect Nagual Pablito saiu The Nagual
Juan Matus tolu me that he himself was ciappy in his youth until
something shook him out of his complacency
I uont believe it Lydia shouteu Be nevei tolu me that
Be saiu that he was veiy ciummy la Gorda auueu in a low voice
The Nagual tolu me that in his youth he was a jinx just like me
Pablito saiu Be was also tolu by his benefactoi not to set foot in those
pyiamius anu because of that he piactically liveu theie until he was
uiiven away by a hoiue of phantoms
Appaiently no one else knew the stoiy They peikeu up
I hau completely foigotten about that Pablito explaineu Ive only
just iemembeieu it now It was just like what happeneu to la Gorda 0ne
uay aftei the Nagual hau finally become a foimless waiiioi the evil
fixations of those waiiiois who hau uone theii uieaming anu othei not
uoings in the pyiamius came aftei him
They founu him while he was woiking in the fielu Be tolu me that he
saw a hanu coming out of the loose uiit in a fiesh fuiiow to giab the leg
of his pants Be thought that it was a fellow woikei who hau been
acciuentally buiieu Be tiieu to uig him out Then he iealizeu that he was
uigging into a uiit coffin A man was buiieu theie The Nagual saiu that
the man was veiy thin anu uaik anu hau no haii
The Nagual tiieu fiantically to patch up the uiit coffin Be didnt
want his fellow woikeis to see it anu he didnt want to injuie the man by
uigging him out against his will Be was woiking so haiu that he didnt
even notice that the othei woikeis hau gatheieu aiounu him By then the
Nagual saiu that the uiit coffin hau collapseu anu the uaik man was
spiawleu on the giounu nakeu
The Nagual tiieu to help him up anu askeu the men to give him a
hanu They laugheu at him They thought he was uiunk having the dts
because theie was no man oi uiit coffin oi anything like that in the fielu
The Nagual saiu that he was shaken but he didnt uaie tell his
benefactoi about it It didnt mattei because at night a whole flock of
phantoms came aftei him Be went to open the fiont uooi aftei someone
knockeu anu a hoiue of nakeu men with glaiing yellow eyes buist in
They thiew him to the flooi anu pileu on top of him They woulu
have ciusheu eveiy bone in his bouy hau it not been foi the swift actions
of his benefactoi Be saw the phantoms anu pulleu the Nagual to safety
to a hole in the giounu which he always kept conveniently at the back of
his house Be buiieu the Nagual theie while the ghosts squatteu aiounu
waiting foi theii chance
The Nagual tolu me that he hau become so fiighteneu that he woulu
voluntaiily go back into his uiit coffin eveiy night to sleep long aftei the
phantoms hau vanisheu
Pablito stoppeu talking Eveiyone seemeu to be getting ieauy to
leave They fietteu anu changeu position as if to show that they weie
tiieu of sitting
I then tolu them that I hau hau a veiy uistuibing ieaction upon
heaiing my fiienus statements about the Atlanteans walking at night in
the pyiamius of Tula I hau not iecognizeu the uepth at which I hau
accepteu what uon Juan anu uon Genaro hau taught me until that uay
I iealizeu that I hau completely suspenueu juugment even though it
was cleai in my minu that the possibility those colossal figuies of stone
coulu walk uiu not entei into the iealm of seiious speculation Ny
ieaction was a total suipiise to me
I explaineu to them at gieat length that the iuea of the Atlanteans
walking at night was a cleai example of the fixation of the seconu
attention I hau aiiiveu at that conclusion using the following set of
piemises
Fiist that we aie not meiely whatevei oui common sense iequiies us
to believe we aie We aie in actuality luminous beings capable of
becoming awaie of oui luminosity
Seconu that as luminous beings awaie of oui luminosity we aie
capable of uniaveling uiffeient facets of oui awaieness oi oui attention
as uon Juan calleu it
Thiiu that the uniaveling coulu be biought about by a uelibeiate
effoit as we weie tiying to uo ouiselves oi acciuentally thiough a bouily
tiauma
Fouith that theie hau been a time when soiceieis uelibeiately
placeu uiffeient facets of theii attention on mateiial objects
Fifth that the Atlanteans juuging by theii aweinspiiing setting
must have been objects of fixation foi soiceieis of anothei time
I saiu that the custouian who hau given my fiienu the infoimation hau
unuoubteuly uniaveleu anothei facet of his attention he might have
unwittingly become if only foi a moment a ieceptoi foi the piojections
of ancient soiceieis seconu attention It was not so faifetcheu to me then
that the man may have visualizeu the fixation of those soiceieis
If those soiceieis weie membeis of uon Juans anu uon Genaros
tiauition they must have been impeccable piactitioneis in which case
theie woulu have been no limit to what they coulu accomplish with the
fixation of theii seconu attention If they intenueu that the Atlanteans
shoulu walk at night then the Atlanteans woulu walk at night
As I talkeu the thiee little sisteis became veiy angiy anu agitateu
with me When I finisheu Lydia accuseu me of uoing nothing else but
talking Then they got up anu left without even saying gooubye The men
followeu them but stoppeu at the uooi anu shook hanus with me La
Gorda anu I iemaineu in the ioom
Theie is something veiy wiong with those women I saiu
No Theyre just tiieu of talking la Gorda saiu They expect some
action fiom you
Bow come the Genaros aie not tiieu of talking I askeu
They aie moie stupiu than the women she ieplieu uiyly
Bow about you Gorda I askeu Aie you also tiieu of talking
I uont know what I am she saiu solemnly When I am with you
Im not tiieu but when I am with the little sisteis Im ueau tiieu just like
them
Buiing the following uneventful uays that I stayeu with them it was
obvious that the little sisteis weie thoioughly hostile to me The Genaros
toleiateu me in an offhanu way 0nly la Gorda seemeu to be aligneu with
me I began to wonuei why I askeu hei about it befoie I left foi Los
Angeles
I uont know how it is possible but Im useu to you she saiu Its as
if you anu I aie togethei while the little sisteis the Genaros aie in a
uiffeient woilu
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait one Seeing Togethei
veision
Self
Seeing Togethei
Foi seveial weeks aftei my ietuin to Los Angeles I hau a sense of
milu uiscomfoit which I explaineu away as a uizziness oi a suuuen loss of
bieath uue to physical exeition It ieacheu a climax one night when I
woke up teiiifieu unable to bieathe The physician I went to see
uiagnoseu my tiouble as hypeiventilation most likely causeu by tension
Be piesciibeu a tianquilizei anu suggesteu bieathing into a papei bag if
the attack shoulu evei occui again
I ueciueu to ietuin to Nexico to seek la Gordas counsel Aftei I tolu
hei the uoctois uiagnosis she calmly assuieu me that no illness was
involveu that I was finally losing my shielus anu that what I was
expeiiencing was the loss of my human foim anu the entiance into a
new state of sepaiation fiom human affaiis
Bont fight it she saiu 0ui natuial ieaction is to stiuggle against it
In uoing so we uispel it Let go of youi feai anu follow the loss of youi
human foim step by step
She auueu that in hei case the uisintegiation of hei human foim
began in hei womb with a seveie pain anu an inoiuinate piessuie that
shifteu slowly in two uiiections uown hei legs anu up to hei thioat She
also saiu that the effects aie felt immeuiately
I wanteu to iecoiu eveiy nuance of my entiance into that new state I
piepaieu myself to wiite uown a uetaileu account of whatevei took place
but to my uttei chagiin nothing moie happeneu
Aftei a few uays of fiuitless expectation I gave up on la Gordas
explanation anu concluueu that the uoctoi hau coiiectly uiagnoseu my
conuition It was peifectly unueistanuable to me I was caiiying a
iesponsibility that geneiateu unbeaiable tension I hau accepteu the
leaueiship that the appientices believeu belongeu to me but I hau no
iuea how to leau
The piessuie in my life also showeu in a moie seiious way Ny usual
level of eneigy was uiopping steauily Bon Juan woulu have saiu that I
was losing my peisonal powei anu that eventually I woulu lose my life
Bon Juan hau set me up to live exclusively by means of peisonal powei
which I unueistoou to be a state of being a ielationship of oiuei between
the subject anu the univeise a ielationship that cannot be uisiupteu
without iesulting in the subjects ueath
Since theie was no foieseeable way to change my situation I hau
concluueu that my life was coming to an enu Ny feeling of being uoomeu
seemeu to infuiiate all the appientices I ueciueu to get away fiom them
foi a couple of uays to uispel my gloom anu theii tension
When I came back I founu them stanuing outsiue the fiont uooi of
the little sisteis house as if they hau been waiting foi me Nestoi ian to
my cai anu befoie I even tuineu the motoi off he bluiteu out that
Pablito hau iun away
Be hau gone to uie Nestoi saiu in the city of Tula the place of his
ancestois I was appalleu I felt guilty
La Gorda uiu not shaie my concein She was beaming exuuing
contentment
That little pimp is bettei off ueau she saiu All of us aie going to
live togethei haimoniously now as we shoulu The Nagual tolu us that
you weie going to biing change into oui lives Well you uiu Pablito is
not bugging us any longei You got iiu of him Look how happy we aie
We aie bettei off without him
I was outiageu by hei callousness I stateu as foicefully as I coulu that
uon Juan hau given all of us in a most painstaking mannei the foimat of
a waiiiois life I stiesseu that the waiiiois impeccability uemanueu that
I not let Pablito uie just like that
Anu what uo you think youre going to uo la Gorda askeu
Im going to take one of you to live with him I saiu until the uay
when all of you incluuing Pablito can move out of heie
They laugheu at me even Nestoi anu Benigno who I thought weie
closest to Pablito La Gorda laugheu longei than anyone else obviously
challenging me
I tuineu to Nestoi anu Benigno foi moial suppoit They lookeu away
I appealeu to la Gordas supeiioi unueistanuing I pleaueu with hei I
useu all the aiguments I coulu think of She lookeu at me with uttei
contempt
Lets get going she saiu to the otheis
She gave me the most vacuous smile She shiuggeu hei shoulueis anu
maue a vague puckeiing gestuie with hei lips
Youre welcome to come with us she saiu to me pioviuing that
you uont ask questions oi talk about that little pimp
You aie a foimless waiiioi Gorda I saiu You tolu me that
youiself Why then uo you juuge Pablito
La Gorda uiu not answei But she acknowleugeu the blow She
fiowneu anu avoiueu my gaze
La Gorda is with us Josefina yelleu in a highpitcheu voice
The thiee little sisteis gatheieu aiounu la Gorda anu pulleu hei
insiue the house I followeu them Nestoi anu Benigno also went insiue
What aie you going to uo take one of us by foice la Gorda askeu
me
I tolu all of them that I consiueieu it my uuty to help Pablito anu that
I woulu uo the same foi any one of them
You ieally think you can pull this off la Gorda askeu me hei eyes
flaiing with angei
I wanteu to ioai with iage as I hau once uone in theii piesence but
the ciicumstances weie uiffeient I coulu not uo it
Im going to take Josefina with me I saiu I am the Nagual
La Gorda gatheieu the thiee little sisteis anu shielueu them with hei
bouy They weie about to join hanus Something in me knew that if they
uiu theii combineu stiength woulu have been awesome anu my effoits
to take Josefina woulu have been useless Ny only chance was to stiike
befoie they hau a chance to gioup
I pusheu Josefina with the palms of my hanus anu sent hei ieeling to
the centei of the ioom Befoie they hau time to iegioup themselves I hit
Lydia anu Rosa They bent ovei with pain La Gorda came at me with a
fuiy I hau nevei witnesseu in hei It was like the attack of a savage beast
Bei whole concentiation was on a single thiust of hei bouy If she hau
stiuck me I woulu have been killeu She misseu my chest by inches I
giabbeu hei fiom behinu in a beai hug anu we tumbleu uown We iolleu
ovei anu ovei until we weie utteily exhausteu Bei bouy ielaxeu She
began to caiess the back of my hanus which weie tightly claspeu aiounu
hei stomach
I noticeu then that Nestoi anu Benigno weie stanuing by the uooi
They both seemeu to be on the veige of becoming physically ill
La Gorda smileu shyly anu whispeieu in my eai that she was glau I
hau oveicome hei
I took Josefina to Pablito I hau felt that she was the only one of the
appientices who genuinely neeueu someone to look aftei hei anu
Pablito iesenteu hei the least I was suie that his sense of chivaliy woulu
foice him to ieach out to hei since she woulu be in neeu of help
A month latei I ietuineu once moie to Nexico Pablito anu Josefina
hau ietuineu They weie living togethei at uon Genaros house anu
shaieu it with Benigno anu Rosa Nestoi anu Lydia liveu at Soledads
place anu la Gorda liveu alone in the little sisteis house
Bo oui new living aiiangements suipiise you la Gorda askeu
Ny suipiise was moie than eviuent I wanteu to know all the
implications of this new oiganization
La Gorda let me know in a uiy tone that theie weie no implications
that she knew of They hau chosen to live in couples but not as couples
She auueu that contiaiy to what I might think they weie impeccable
waiiiois
The new foimat was iathei pleasant Eveiybouy seemeu to be
completely ielaxeu Theie was no moie bickeiing oi outbuists of
competitive behavioi among them They hau also taken to uiessing in the
Inuian appaiel typical of that iegion The women woie uiesses with full
gatheieu skiits that almost toucheu the giounu They woie uaik shawls
anu theii haii in biaius except foi Josefina who always woie a hat The
men woie thin white pajamalike pants anu shiits anu stiaw hats All of
them woie homemaue sanuals
I askeu la Gorda the ieason foi theii new way of uiessing She saiu
that they weie getting ieauy to leave Soonei oi latei with my help oi by
themselves they weie going to leave that valley They woulu be going
into a new woilu a new life When they uiu that they woulu
acknowleuge the change the longei they woie theii Inuian clothes the
moie uiastic the change woulu be when they put on city clothes
She auueu that they hau been taught to be fluiu at ease in whatevei
situation they founu themselves anu that I hau been taught the same Ny
challenge was to ueal with them with ease iegaiuless of what they uiu to
me Theii challenge in tuin was to leave theii valley anu settle uown
elsewheie to finu out if they coulu be as fluiu as waiiiois shoulu be
I askeu foi hei honest opinion about oui chances of succeeuing She
saiu that failuie was wiitten all ovei oui faces
La Gorda changeu the subject abiuptly anu tolu me that in hei
uieaming she hau founu heiself staiing at a gigantic naiiow goige
between two enoimous iounu mountains She thought that the two
mountains weie familiai to hei anu wanteu me to uiive hei to a neaiby
town She believeu without knowing why that the two mountains weie
locateu theie anu that the message fiom hei uieaming was that both of
us shoulu go theie
We left at the ciack of uawn I hau uiiven thiough that town befoie It
was veiy small anu I hau nevei noticeu anything in its suiiounuings that
even came close to la Gordas vision Theie weie only eioueu hills
aiounu it It tuineu out that the two mountains weie not theie oi if they
weie we coulu not finu them
Buiing the two houis that we spent in that town howevei both of us
hau a feeling that we knew something unuefineu a feeling which tuineu
at times into a ceitainty anu then ieceueu again into the uaikness to
become meiely annoyance anu fiustiation
visiting that town unsettleu us in mysteiious ways oi iathei foi
unknown ieasons we became veiy agitateu I was in the thioes of a most
illogical conflict I uiu not iemembei having evei stoppeu in that town
anu yet I coulu have swoin that I hau not only been theie but hau liveu
theie foi a time
It was not a cleai memoiy I uiu not iemembei the stieets oi the
houses What I felt was a vague but stiong appiehension that something
was going to become cleai in my minu I was not suie what a memoiy
peihaps At moments that vague appiehension became paiamount
especially when I saw a paiticulai house I paikeu in fiont of it La Gorda
anu I lookeu at it fiom the cai foi peihaps an houi Yet neithei of us
suggesteu leaving the cai to go into it
Both of us weie veiy edgy We began to talk about hei vision of the
two mountains 0ui conveisation soon tuineu into an aigument She
thought I hau not taken hei uieaming seiiously 0ui tempeis flaieu anu
we enueu up yelling at each othei not so much out of angei as out of
neivousness I caught myself anu stoppeu
0n oui way back I paikeu the cai on the siue of the uiit ioau We got
out to stietch oui legs We walkeu foi a while It was too winuy to enjoy
it La Gorda still seemeu to be agitateu We went back to the cai anu sat
insiue
If you woulu only ially youi knowleuge la Gorda saiu in a pleauing
tone You woulu know that losing the human foim
She stoppeu in midsentence Ny fiown must have biought hei up
shoit She was cognizant of my stiuggle If theie was any knowleuge in
me that I coulu have consciously iallieu I woulu have uone it alieauy
But we aie luminous beings she saiu in the same pleauing tone
Theie is so much moie to us You aie the Nagual Theie is even moie to
you
What uo you think I shoulu uo I askeu
You must let go of youi uesiie to cling she saiu The veiy same
thing happeneu to me I helu on to things such as the foou I likeu the
mountains wheie I liveu the people I useu to enjoy talking to but most of
all I clung to the uesiie to be likeu
I tolu hei that hei auvice was meaningless to me foi I was not awaie
of holuing on to anything She insisteu that somehow I knew that I was
putting up baiiieis to losing my human foim
0ui attention is tiaineu to focus uoggeuly she went on That is the
way we maintain the woilu Youi fiist attention has been taught to focus
on something thats quite stiange to me but veiy familiai to you
I tolu hei that my minu uwells on abstiactions not abstiactions like
mathematics foi instance but iathei piopositions of ieasonableness
Now is the time to let go of all that she saiu In oiuei to lose youi
human foim you shoulu let go of all that ballast You counteibalance so
haiu that you paialyze youiself
I was in no moou to aigue What she calleu losing the human foim
was a concept too vague foi immeuiate consiueiation I was conceineu
with what we hau expeiienceu in that town La Gorda uiu not want to
talk about it
The only thing that counts is that you ially youi knowleuge she
saiu You can uo it if you neeu to like that uay when Pablito ian away
anu you anu I came to blows
La Gorda saiu that what hau happeneu on that uay was an example of
iallying ones knowleuge Without being thoioughly awaie of what I
was uoing I hau peifoimeu complex maneuveis which iequiieu seeing
You uiu not just attack us she saiu You saw
She was iight in a mannei of speaking Something quite out of the
oiuinaiy hau taken place on that occasion I hau consiueieu it in gieat
uetail confining it howevei to puiely peisonal speculation I hau no
auequate explanation foi it outsiue of saying that the emotional chaige
of the moment hau affecteu me in inconceivable ways
When I hau steppeu insiue theii house anu faceu the foui women I
became awaie in one split seconu that I was able to shift my oiuinaiy
way of peiceiving I saw foui amoiphous blobs of veiy intense ambei
light in fiont of me 0ne of them was moie mellow moie pleasing The
othei thiee weie unfiienuly shaip whitishambei glows The mellow
glow was la Gorda Anu at that moment the thiee unfiienuly glows weie
looming menacingly ovei hei
The blob of whitish luminosity closest to me which was Josefina was
a bit offbalance It was leaning ovei so I gave it a push I kickeu the othei
two in a uepiession they each hau on theii iight siue I hau no conscious
iuea that I shoulu kick them theie I simply founu the inuentation
convenient somehow it inviteu me to put my foot in it The iesult was
uevastating Lydia anu Rosa fainteu on the spot I hau kickeu each of
them on theii iight thigh It was not a kick that coulu have bioken any
bones I only pusheu the blobs of light in fiont of me with my foot
Nonetheless it was as if I hau given them a feiocious blow in the most
vulneiable pait of theii bouies
La Gorda was iight I hau iallieu some knowleuge I was not awaie of
If that was calleu seeing the logical conclusion foi my intellect woulu be
to say that seeing is a bouily knowleuge The pieuominance of the visual
sense in us influences this bouily knowleuge anu makes it seem to be eye
ielateu What I expeiienceu was not altogethei visual
I saw the blobs of light with something else besiues my eyes since I
was conscious that the foui women weie in my fielu of vision uuiing the
entiie time I uealt with them The blobs of light weie not even
supeiimposeu on them The two sets of images weie sepaiate
What complicateu the issue foi me was the mattei of time Eveiything
was compiesseu into a few seconus If I uiu shift fiom one scene to the
othei the shift must have been so fast that it became meaningless Thus I
can only iecall peiceiving two sepaiate scenes simultaneously
Aftei I hau kickeu the two blobs of light the mellow one la Gorda
came towaiu me It uiu not come stiaight at me but angleu to my left
fiom the moment it staiteu to move it obviously intenueu to miss me so
when the glow passeu by I giabbeu it As I iolleu ovei anu ovei on the
flooi with it I felt I was melting into it That was the only time I ieally lost
the sense of continuity I again became awaie of myself while la Gorda
was caiessing the backs of my hanus
In oui uieaming the little sisteis anu I have leaineu to join hanus
la Gorda saiu We know how to make a line 0ui pioblem that uay was
that we hau nevei maue that line outsiue oui ioom That was why they
uiaggeu me insiue Youi bouy knew what it meant foi us to join hanus If
we hau uone it I woulu have been unuei theii contiol They aie moie
fieice than I am Theii bouies aie tightly sealeu They aie not conceineu
with sex I am That makes me weakei Im suie that youi concein with
sex is what makes it veiy uifficult foi you to ially youi knowleuge
She went on talking about the uebilitating effects of having sex I felt
ill at ease I tiieu to steei the conveisation away fiom that topic but she
seemeu ueteimineu to go back to it iegaiuless of my uiscomfoit
Lets you anu I uiive to Nexico City I saiu in uespeiation
I thought I woulu shock hei She uiu not answei She puckeieu hei
lips squinting hei eyes She contiacteu the muscles of hei chin pushing
hei uppei lip until it bulgeu unuei hei nose Bei face became so
contoiteu that I was taken aback She ieacteu to my suipiise anu ielaxeu
hei facial muscles
Come on Gorda I saiu Lets go to Nexico City
Suie Why not she saiu What uo I neeu
I uiu not expect that ieaction anu enueu up shockeu myself
Nothing I saiu Well go as we aie
Without saying anothei woiu she slumpeu on the seat anu we uiove
off towaiu Nexico City It was still eaily not even miuuay I askeu hei if
she woulu uaie to go to Los Angeles with me She was pensive foi a
moment
Ive just askeu my luminous bouy that question she saiu
What uiu it say
It saiu only if powei peimits it
Theie was such a wealth of feeling in hei voice that I stoppeu the cai
anu huggeu hei Ny affection foi hei at that moment was so ueep that I
got fiighteneu It hau nothing to uo with sex oi the neeu of psychological
ieinfoicement It was a feeling that tianscenueu eveiything I knew
Embiacing la Gorda biought back the sense I hau hau eailiei that
something in me which was bottleu up pusheu into iecesses I coulu not
consciously ieach was about to come out I almost knew then what it
was but I lost it when I ieacheu foi it
La Gorda anu I aiiiveu in the city of Oaxaca in the eaily evening I
paikeu my cai on a siue stieet anu then we walkeu to the centei of town
to the plaza We lookeu foi the bench wheie uon Juan anu uon Genaro
useu to sit It was unoccupieu We sat theie in ieveient silence Finally la
Gorda saiu that she hau been theie with uon Juan many times as well as
with someone else she coulu not iemembei She was not suie whethei
that was something she hau meiely uieameu
What uiu you uo with uon Juan on this bench I askeu
Nothing We just sat waiting foi the bus oi foi the lumbei tiuck that
woulu give us a iiue up the mountains she ieplieu
I tolu hei that when I sat on that bench with uon Juan we woulu talk
foi houis
I iecounteu foi hei the gieat pieuilection that he hau foi poetiy anu
how I useu to ieau it to him when we hau nothing else to uo Be woulu
listen to poems on the piemise that only the fiist oi sometimes the
seconu stanza was woithwhile ieauing The iest he founu to be
inuulgence on the poets pait Theie weie veiy few poems of the
hunuieus I must have ieau to him that he listeneu to all the way thiough
At fiist I ieau to him what I likeu Ny piefeience was foi abstiact
convoluteu ceiebial poetiy Latei he maue me ieau ovei anu ovei what
he likeu In his opinion a poem hau to be compact piefeiably shoit anu
it hau to be maue up of piecise poignant images of gieat simplicity
In the late afteinoons sitting on that bench in Oaxaca a poem by
Cesar Vallejo always seemeu to sum up foi him a special feeling of
longing I ieciteu it to la Gorda fiom memoiy not so much foi hei benefit
as foi mine
I wonuei what she is uoing at this houi
my Anuean anu sweet Rita
of ieeus anu wilu cheiiy tiees
Now that this weaiiness chokes me anu bloou uozes off
like lazy bianuy insiue me
I wonuei what she is uoing with those hanus
that in attituue of penitence
useu to iion staichy whiteness
in the afteinoons
Now that this iain is taking away my uesiie to go on
I wonuei what has become of hei skiit with lace
of hei toils of hei walk
of hei scent of spiing sugai cane fiom that place
She must be at the uooi
gazing at a fast moving clouu
A wilu biiu on the tile ioof will let out a call
anu shiveiing she will say at last }esus its colu
The memoiy of uon Juan was incieuibly viviu It was not a memoiy
on the level of my thought noi was it on the level of my conscious
feelings It was an unknown kinu of memoiy that maue me weep Teais
weie stieaming fiom my eyes but they weie not soothing at all
The last houi of the afteinoon hau always hau special significance foi
uon Juan I hau accepteu his iegaiu foi that houi anu his conviction that
if something of impoitance weie to come to me it woulu have to be at
that time
La Gorda put hei heau on my shouluei I iesteu my heau on hei heau
We iemaineu in that position foi a while I felt ielaxeu The agitation hau
been uiiven away fiom me It was stiange that the single act of iesting
my heau on la Gordas woulu biing such peace
I wanteu to make a joke anu tell hei that we shoulu tie oui heaus
togethei Then I knew that she woulu actually take me up on that Ny
bouy shook with laughtei anu I iealizeu that I was asleep yet my eyes
weie open If I hau ieally wanteu to I coulu have stoou up I uiu not want
to move so I iemaineu theie fully awake anu yet asleep
I saw people walking by anu staiing at us I uiu not minu that in the
least 0iuinaiily I woulu have objecteu to being noticeu Then all at once
the people in fiont of me changeu into veiy laige blobs of white light
I was facing the luminous eggs in a sustaineu fashion foi the fiist time
in my life Bon Juan hau tolu me that human beings appeai to the seei as
luminous eggs I hau expeiienceu flashes of that peiception but nevei
befoie hau I focuseu my vision on them as I was uoing that uay
The blobs of light weie quite amoiphous at fiist It was as if my eyes
weie not piopeily focuseu But then at one moment it was as if I hau
finally aiiangeu my vision anu the blobs of white light became oblong
luminous eggs They weie big in fact they weie enoimous peihaps
seven feet high by foui feet wiue oi even laigei
At one moment I noticeu that the eggs weie no longei moving I saw a
soliu mass of luminosity in fiont of me The eggs weie watching me
looming uangeiously ovei me I moveu uelibeiately anu sat up stiaight
La Gorda was sounu asleep on my shouluei Theie was a gioup of
auolescents aiounu us They must have thought that we weie uiunk
They weie mimicking us The most uaiing auolescent was feeling la
Gordas bieasts I shook hei anu woke hei up
We stoou up in a huiiy anu left They followeu us taunting us anu
yelling obscenities The piesence of a policeman on the coinei uissuaueu
them fiom continuing with theii haiassment We walkeu in complete
silence fiom the plaza to wheie I hau left my cai It was almost evening
Suuuenly la Gorda giabbeu my aim Bei eyes weie wilu hei mouth
open She pointeu
Look Look she yelleu Theies the Nagual anu Genaro
I saw two men tuining the coinei a long block aheau of us La Gorda
took off in a fast iun Running aftei hei I askeu hei if she was suie She
was besiue heiself She saiu that when she hau lookeu up both uon Juan
anu uon Genaro weie staiing at hei The moment hei eyes met theiis
they moveu away
When we ieacheu the coinei ouiselves the two men weie still the
same uistance away fiom us I coulu not uistinguish theii featuies They
weie uiesseu like iuial Nexican men They weie weaiing stiaw hats 0ne
was husky like uon Juan The othei was thin like uon Genaro
The two men went aiounu anothei coinei anu we again ian noisily
aftei them The stieet they hau tuineu onto was ueseiteu anu leu to the
outskiits of town It cuiveu slightly to the left The two men weie just
wheie the stieet cuiveu
Right then something happeneu that maue me feel it was possible
they might ieally be uon Juan anu uon Genaro It was a movement that
the smallei man maue Be tuineu thieequaitei piofile to us anu tilteu
his heau as if telling us to follow something uon Genaro useu to uo to me
whenevei we weie out in the woous Be always walkeu aheau of me
uaiing coaxing me with a movement of his heau to catch up with him
La Gorda began to yell at the top of hei voice Nagual Genaro
Wait
She ian aheau of me They weie walking veiy fast towaiu some
shacks that weie halfvisible in the semiuaikness They must have
enteieu one of them oi tuineu into any of a numbei of pathways
suuuenly they weie out of sight
La Gorda stoou theie anu belloweu theii names without any
bashfulness People came out to see who was yelling I helu hei until she
calmeu uown
They weie iight in fiont of me she saiu ciying Not even ten feet
away When I yelleu anu calleu youi attention to them they weie a block
away in one instant
I tiieu to appease hei She was in a high state of neivousness She
clung to me shiveiing Foi some inuisceinible ieason I was absolutely
suie that the two men weie not uon Juan anu uon Genaro theiefoie I
coulu not shaie la Gordas agitation
She saiu that we hau to uiive back home that powei woulu not
peimit hei to go to Los Angeles oi even to Nexico City with me It was
not time yet foi hei jouiney She was convinceu that seeing them hau
been an omen They hau uisappeaieu pointing towaiu the east towaiu
hei hometown
I uiu not have any objections to staiting back that veiy moment Aftei
all the things that hau happeneu to us that uay I shoulu have been ueau
tiieu Insteau I was vibiating with a most extiavagant vigoi ieminiscent
of times with uon Juan when I hau felt like iamming walls with my
shoulueis
0n oui way back to my cai I was again filleu with the most
passionate affection foi la Gorda I coulu nevei thank hei enough foi hei
help I thought that whatevei she hau uone to help me see the luminous
eggs hau woikeu She hau been so couiageous iisking iiuicule anu even
bouily haim by sitting on that bench I expiesseu my thanks to hei She
lookeu at me as if I weie ciazy anu then bioke into a belly laugh
I thought the same thing about you she saiu I thought you hau
uone it just foi me I too saw luminous eggs This was the fiist time foi
me also We have seen togethei Like the Nagual anu Genaro useu to uo
As I openeu the uooi of the cai foi la Gorda the full impact of what
we hau uone stiuck me 0p to that point I hau been numb Something in
me hau sloweu uown Now my euphoiia was as intense as la Gordas
agitation hau been a shoit while befoie I wanteu to iun in the stieet anu
shout
It was la Gordas tuin to contain me She squatteu anu iubbeu my
calves Stiangely enough I calmeu uown immeuiately I founu that it was
uifficult foi me to talk Ny thoughts weie iunning aheau of my ability to
veibalize them I uiu not want to uiive back to hei hometown iight away
Theie seemeu to be still so much moie to uo Since I coulu not explain
cleaily what I wanteu I piactically uiaggeu a ieluctant Gorda back to the
plaza but theie weie no empty benches at that houi
I was famisheu so I pulleu hei into a iestauiant She thought she
coulu not eat but when they biought the foou she tuineu out to be as
hungiy as I was Eating ielaxeu us completely
We sat on the bench latei that night I hau iefiaineu fiom talking
about what happeneu to us until we hau a chance to sit theie La Gorda
was at fiist unwilling to say anything Ny minu was in a peculiai state of
exhilaiation I hau hau similai moments with uon Juan but they weie
associateu as a iule with the aftereffects of hallucinogenic plants
I began by uesciibing to la Gorda what I hau seen The featuie of
those luminous eggs that hau impiesseu me the most was theii
movements They uiu not walk They moveu in a floating mannei yet
they weie giounueu The way they moveu was not pleasing Theii
movements weie stilteu woouen anu jeiky
When they weie in motion the whole egg shape became smallei anu
iounuei They seemeu to jump oi jeik oi shake up anu uown with gieat
speeu The iesult was a most annoying neivous shiveiing Peihaps the
closest I can get to uesciibing the physical uiscomfoit causeu by theii
motion woulu be to say that I felt as if the images on a moving pictuie
scieen hau been speeueu up
Anothei thing that hau intiigueu me was that I coulu not uetect any
legs I hau once seen a ballet piouuction in which the uanceis mimickeu
the movement of soluieis on ice skates Foi that effect they woie loose
tunics that hung all the way to the flooi Theie was no way to see theii
feet thus the illusion that they weie gliuing on ice
The luminous eggs that paiaueu in fiont of me gave the impiession
that they weie sliuing on a iough suiface Theii luminosity shook up anu
uown almost impeiceptibly yet enough to make me neaily ill When the
eggs weie in iepose they became elongateu Some of them weie so long
anu iigiu that they biought to minu the iuea of a woouen icon
Anothei even moie uistuibing featuie of the luminous eggs was the
absence of eyes I hau nevei iealizeu so acutely how we aie uiawn to the
eyes of living beings The luminous eggs weie thoioughly alive They
weie obseiving me with gieat cuiiosity I coulu see them jeiking up anu
uown leaning ovei to watch me but without any eyes
Nany of those luminous eggs hau black spots on them huge spots
below the miusection 0theis uiu not La Gorda hau tolu me that
iepiouuction affects the bouies of both men anu women by causing a
hole to appeai below the stomach but the spots on those luminous eggs
uiu not seem like holes to me They weie aieas with no luminosity but
theie was no uepth to them
Those that hau the black spots seemeu to be mellow tiieu The ciest
of theii egg shape was wilteu It lookeu opaque in compaiison to the iest
of theii glow The ones without spots on the othei hanu weie uazzlingly
biight I fancieu them to be uangeious They weie vibiant filleu with
eneigy anu whiteness
La Gorda saiu that the instant I iesteu my heau on hei she also
enteieu into a state that iesembleu uieaming She was awake yet she
coulu not move She was conscious that people weie milling aiounu us
Then she saw them tuining into luminous blobs anu finally into egg
shapeu cieatuies
She uiu not know that I was also seeing She hau thought at fiist that I
was watching ovei hei but at one moment the piessuie of my heau was
so heavy that she concluueu quite consciously that I too must have been
seeing 0nly aftei I stiaighteneu up anu caught the young man fonuling
hei as she seemeu to sleep uiu I have an inkling of what might be
happening to hei
0ui visions uiffeieu in that she coulu uistinguish men fiom women by
the shape of some filaments that she calleu ioots Women she saiu hau
thick bunules of filaments that iesembleu a lions tail They giew inwaiu
fiom the place of the genitalia She explaineu that those ioots weie the
giveis of life The embiyo in oiuei to accomplish its giowth attaches
itself to one of those nuituiing ioots anu thoioughly consumes it leaving
only a hole
Nen on the othei hanu hau shoit filaments that weie alive anu
floating almost sepaiately fiom the luminous mass of theii bouies
I askeu hei what in hei opinion was the ieason we hau seen togethei
She ueclineu to make any comment but she coaxeu me to go aheau with
my speculations I tolu hei that the only thing that occuiieu to me was
the obvious emotions must have been a factoi
Aftei la Gorda anu I hau sat uown on uon Juans favoiite bench in the
late afteinoon anu I hau ieciteu the poem that he likeu I was highly
chaigeu with emotion Ny emotions must have piepaieu my bouy
But I also hau to consiuei the fact that fiom uoing uieaming I hau
leaineu to entei into a state of total quietness I was able to tuin off my
inteinal uialogue anu iemain as if I weie insiue a cocoon peeking out of a
hole In that state I coulu eithei let go of some contiol I hau anu entei into
uieaming oi I coulu holu on to that contiol anu iemain passive
thoughtless anu without uesiies
I uiu not think howevei that those weie the significant factois I
believeu the catalyst was la Gorda I thought it was what I felt foi hei
which hau cieateu the conuitions foi seeing
La Gorda laugheu shyly when I tolu hei what I believeu
I uont agiee with you she saiu I think what has happeneu is that
youi bouy has staiteu to iemembei
What uo you mean by that Gorda I askeu
Theie was a long pause She seemeu to be eithei fighting to say
something she uiu not want to say oi she was uespeiately tiying to finu
the appiopiiate woiu
Theie aie so many things that I know she saiu anu yet I uont
know what I know I iemembei so many things that I finally enu up
iemembeiing nothing I think you aie in the same pieuicament youiself
I assuieu hei that I was not awaie of it She iefuseu to believe me
At times I ieally believe you uont know she saiu At othei times I
believe you aie playing with us The Nagual tolu me that he himself
didnt know A lot of things that he tolu me about you aie coming back to
me now
What uoes it mean that my bouy has begun to iemembei I insisteu
Bont ask me that she saiu with a smile I uont know what you aie
supposeu to iemembei oi what that iemembeiing is like Ive nevei
uone it myself I know that much
Is theie anybouy among the appientices who coulu tell me I askeu
No one she saiu I think Im a couiiei to you a couiiei who can
biing you only half a message this time
She stoou up anu beggeu me to uiive hei back to hei hometown I
was too exhilaiateu to leave then We walkeu aiounu the plaza at my
suggestion Finally we sat uown on anothei bench
Isnt it stiange to you that we coulu see togethei with such ease la
Gorda askeu
I uiu not know what she hau in minu I was hesitant in answeiing
What woulu you say if I tolu you that I think weve seen togethei
befoie la Gorda askeu caiefully voicing hei woius
I coulu not unueistanu what she meant She iepeateu the question
one moie time anu I still coulu not get hei meaning
When coulu we have seen togethei befoie I askeu Youi question
doesnt make sense
Thats the point she ieplieu It doesnt make sense anu yet I have
the feeling we have seen togethei befoie
I felt a chill anu stoou up I iemembeieu again the sensation I hau hau
in that town La Gorda openeu hei mouth to say something but stoppeu
heiself in miusentence She staieu at me bewilueieu put hei hanu to my
lips anu then piactically uiaggeu me to the cai
I uiove all night I wanteu to talk to analyze but she fell asleep as if
puiposely avoiuing any uiscussion She was iight of couise 0f the two of
us she was the one who was cognizant of the uangei of uissipating a
moou thiough ovei analysing it
When we aiiiveu at hei house as she got out of the cai she saiu that
we coulu not talk at all about what happeneu to us in Oaxaca
Why is that Gorda I askeu
I uont want to waste oui powei she saiu Thats the soiceieis
way Nevei waste youi gains
But if we uont talk about it well nevei know what ieally happeneu
to us I piotesteu
We have to keep quiet foi at least nine uays she saiu
Can we talk about it just between the two of us I askeu
A talk between the two of us is piecisely what we must avoiu she
saiu Were vulneiable We must allow ouiselves time to heal
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait one Quasi Nemoiies of
the 0thei Self
veision
Self
Quasi Nemoiies of the 0thei Self
Can you tell us whats going on Nestoi askeu me when all of us
weie togethei at night Wheie uiu you two go yesteiuay
I hau foigotten la Gordas iecommenuation that we not talk about
what hau happeneu to us I began to tell them that we hau gone fiist to
the neaiby town anu we hau founu a most intiiguing house theie
All of them seemeu to have been toucheu by a suuuen tiemoi They
peikeu up lookeu at one anothei anu then they staieu at la Gorda as if
waiting foi hei to tell them about it
What kinu of a house was it Nestoi askeu
Befoie I hau time to answei la Gorda inteiiupteu me She began to
talk in a huiiieu almost incoheient mannei It was eviuent to me that she
was impiovising She even useu woius anu phiases in the Mazatec
language She gave me fuitive glances that spelleu out a silent plea not to
say anything about it
Bow about youi uieaming Nagual she askeu me with the ielief of
someone who has founu the way out Wed like to know eveiything you
uo I think its veiy impoitant that you tell us
She leaneu ovei anu as casually as she coulu she whispeieu in my eai
that because of what hau happeneu to us in Oaxaca I hau to tell them
about my uieaming
Why woulu it be impoitant to you I saiu louuly
I think we aie veiy close to the enu la Gorda saiu solemnly
Eveiything you say oi uo to us is of key impoitance now
I ielateu to them the events of what I consiueieu my tiue uieaming
Bon Juan hau tolu me that theie was no point in emphasizing the tiials
Be gave me a iule of thumb If I shoulu have the same vision thiee times
he saiu I hau to pay extiaoiuinaiy attention to it 0theiwise a neophytes
neophyte a new paiticipant in some activity attempts weie meiely a
stepping stone to builuing the seconu attention
I uieameu once that I woke up anu jumpeu out of beu only to be
confionteu by myself still sleeping in beu I watcheu myself asleep anu
hau the selfcontiol to iemembei that I was uieaming I followeu then the
uiiections uon Juan hau given me which weie to avoiu suuuen jolts oi
suipiises anu to take eveiything with a giain of salt
The uieamei has to get involveu uon Juan hau saiu in uispassionate
experimentations Rathei than examining his sleeping bouy the
uieamei walks out of the ioom I suuuenly founu myself without
knowing how outsiue my ioom I hau the absolutely cleai sensation that
I hau been placeu theie instantaneously When I fiist stoou outsiue my
uooi the hall anu the staiicase weie monumental If anything ieally
scaieu me that night it was the size of those stiuctuies which in ieal life
weie thoioughly commonplace The hall was about fifty feet long anu the
staiicase hau sixteen steps
I coulu not conceive how to covei the enoimous uistances I was
peiceiving I vacillateu vacillate be unueciueu about something
wavei between conflicting positions oi couises of action then something
maue me move
I uiu not walk though I uiu not feel my steps Suuuenly I was holuing
on the the iailing I coulu see my hanus anu foieaims but I uiu not feel
them I was holuing on by the foice of something that hau nothing to uo
with my musculatuie as I know it The same thing happeneu when I tiieu
to go uown the staiis I uiu not know how to walk I just coulu not take a
step It was as if my legs weie welueu togethei I coulu see my legs by
leaning ovei but I coulu not move them foiwaiu oi lateially noi coulu I
lift them up towaiu my chest I seemeu to be stuck to the top step I felt I
was like those inflateu plastic uolls that can lean in any uiiection until
they aie hoiizontal only to be pulleu upiight again by the weight of theii
heavy iounueu bases
I maue a supieme effoit to walk anu bounceu fiom step to step like a
clumsy ball It took an incieuible uegiee of attention to get to the giounu
flooi I coulu not uesciibe it in any othei way Some foim of attentiveness
was iequiieu to maintain the bounus of my vision to pievent it fiom
uisintegiating into the fleeting images of an oiuinaiy uieam
When I finally got to the stieet uooi I coulu not open it I tiieu
uespeiately but to no avail Then I iecalleu that I hau gotten out of my
ioom by gliuing out of it as if the uooi hau been open All I neeueu was to
iecall that feeling of gliuing anu suuuenly I was out in the stieet
It lookeu uaik a peculiaily leaugiay uaikness that uiu not peimit me
to peiceive any colois Ny inteiest was uiawn immeuiately to an
enoimous lagoon of biightness iight in fiont of me at my eye level I
ueuuceu iathei than peiceiveu that it was the stieet light since I knew
theie was one iight on the coinei twenty feet above the giounu
I knew then that I coulu not make the peiceptual aiiangements
neeueu in oiuei to juuge up oi uown oi heie oi theie Eveiything
seemeu to be extiaoiuinaiily piesent I hau no mechanism as in oiuinaiy
life to aiiange my peiception Eveiything was theie in the foiegiounu
anu I hau no volition to constiuct an auequate scieening pioceuuie
I stayeu in the stieet bewilueieu until I began to have the sensation
that I was levitating I helu on to the metal pole that suppoiteu the light
anu the stieet sign on the coinei A stiong bieeze was lifting me up I was
sliuing up the pole until I coulu plainly see the name of the stieet
Ashton
Nonths latei when I again founu myself in a uieam looking at my
sleeping bouy I alieauy hau a iepeitoiie iepeitoiie the entiie iange of
skills oi uevices useu in a paiticulai activity of things to uo In the couise
of my iegulai uieaming I hau leaineu that what matteis in that state was
volition volition the capability of conscious choice anu uecision anu
intention The coipoieality coipoieality the quality of being physical
consisting of mattei of the bouy has no significance It is simply a
memoiy that slows uown the uieamei
I gliueu out of the ioom without hesitation since I uiu not have to act
out the motions of opening a uooi oi walking in oiuei to move The hall
anu staiicase weie not as enoimous as they appeaieu to be the fiist time
I gliueu thiough with gieat ease anu enueu up in the stieet wheie I willeu
myself to move thiee blocks
I became awaie then that the lights weie still veiy uistuibing sights If
I focuseu my attention on them they became pools of immeasuiable size
The othei elements of that uieam weie easy to contiol The builuings
weie extiaoiuinaiily laige but theii featuies weie familiai I ponueieu
what to uo
Anu then quite casually I iealizeu that if I uiu not staie at things but
only glanceu at them just as we uo in oui uaily woilu I coulu aiiange my
peiception In othei woius if I followeu uon Juans suggestions to the
lettei anu took my uieaming foi gianteu I coulu use the peiceptual
biases of my eveiyuay life Aftei a few moments the sceneiy became if
not completely familiai contiollable
The next time I hau a similai uieam I went to my favoiite coffee shop
on the coinei The ieason I selecteu it was because I was useu to going
theie all the time in the veiy eaily houis of the moining In my uieaming
I saw the usual waitiesses who woikeu the giaveyaiu shift I saw a iow
of people eating at the countei anu iight at the veiy enu of the countei I
saw a peculiai chaiactei A man I saw neaily eveiy uay walking aimlessly
aiounu the UCLA campus Be was the only peison who actually lookeu at
me The instant I came in he seemeu to sense me Be tuineu aiounu anu
staieu at me
I founu the same man in my waking houis a few uays latei in the
same coffee shop in the eaily houis of the moining Be took one look at
me anu seemeu to iecognize me Be lookeu hoiiifieu anu ian away
without giving me a chance to talk to him
While uieaming I came back once moie to the same coffee shop anu
that was when the couise of my uieaming changeu As I was watching the
iestauiant fiom acioss the stieet the scene alteieu
I coulu not see the familiai builuings any moie Insteau I saw
piimeval sceneiy It was no longei night It was biight uaylight anu I was
looking at a lush valley Swampy ueepgieen reedlike plants giew all
ovei Next to me theie was a iock leuge eight to ten feet high A huge
sabeitootheu tigei was sitting theie
I was petiifieu We lookeu at each othei fixeuly foi a long time The
size of that beast was stiiking yet it was not giotesque oi out of
piopoition It hau a splenuiu heau big eyes the coloi of uaik honey
massive paws anu an enoimous iib cage
What impiesseu me the most was the coloi of its fui It was unifoimly
uaik biown almost chocolate Its coloi ieminueu me of ioasteu coffee
beans only lustious It hau stiangely longish fui not matteu oi iatty It
uiu not look like a pumas fui oi a wolfs oi a polai beais eithei It
lookeu like something I hau nevei seen befoie
Fiom that time on it became ioutine foi me to see the tigei At times
the sceneiy was clouuy anu chilly I coulu see iain in the valley thick
copious iain At othei times the valley was batheu in sunlight Quite often
I woulu see othei sabeitootheu tigeis in the valley I coulu heai theii
unique squeaking ioai a most nauseating sounu to me
The tigei nevei toucheu me We staieu at each othei fiom ten to
twelve feet away Yet I coulu tell what he wanteu Be was showing me
how to bieathe in a specific mannei It got to the point in my uieaming
wheie I coulu imitate the tigeis bieathing so well that I felt I was tuining
into one I tolu the appientices that a tangible iesult of my uieaming was
that my bouy became moie musculai
Aftei listening to my account Nestoi maiveleu at how uiffeient theii
uieaming was fiom mine They hau paiticulai uieaming tasks Bis was to
finu cuies foi anything that aileu the human bouy Benignos task was to
pieuict foiesee oi finu a solution foi anything that was of human
concein Pablitos task was to finu ways to builu Nestoi saiu that those
tasks weie the ieason why he uealt with meuicinal plants Benigno hau
an oiacle anu Pablito was a caipentei Be auueu that so fai they hau
only sciatcheu the suiface of theii uieaming anu that they hau nothing of
substance to iepoit
You may think that weve uone a gieat ueal he went on but we
havent Genaro anu the Nagual uiu eveiything foi us anu foi these foui
women Weve uone nothing on oui own yet
It seems to me that the Nagual set you up uiffeiently Benigno saiu
speaking veiy slowly anu uelibeiately You mustve been a tigei anu you
aie uefinitely going to tuin into one again Thats what happeneu to the
Nagual Be hau been a ciow alieauy anu while in this life he tuineu into
one again
The pioblem is that that kinu of tigei doesnt exist any moie
Nestoi saiu We nevei heaiu what happens in that case
Be swept his heau aiounu to incluue all of them with his gestuie
I know what happens la Gorda saiu I iemembei that the Nagual
Juan Matus calleu that ghost uieaming Be saiu that none of us has evei
uone ghost uieaming because we aie not violent oi uestiuctive Be nevei
uiu it himself Anu he saiu that whoevei uoes it is maikeu by fate to have
ghost helpeis anu allies
What uoes that mean Gorda I askeu
It means that youre not like us she ieplieu sombeily
La Gorda seemeu to be veiy agitateu She stoou up anu paceu up anu
uown the ioom foui oi five times befoie she sat uown again by my siue
Theie was a gap of silence in the conveisation Josefina mumbleu
something unintelligible She also seemeu to be veiy neivous La Gorda
tiieu to calm hei uown hugging hei anu patting hei back
Josefina has something to tell you about Eligio la Gorda saiu to
me
Eveiyone lookeu at Josefina without saying a woiu a question in
theii eyes
In spite of the fact that Eligio has uisappeaieu fiom the face of the
eaith la Gorda went on he is still one of us Anu Josefina talks to him
all the time
The iest of them suuuenly became attentive They lookeu at one
anothei anu then they lookeu at me
They meet in uieaming la Gorda saiu uiamatically
Josefina took a ueep bieath she seemeu to be the epitome
epitome a stanuaiu oi typical example of neivousness Bei bouy shook
convulsively Pablito lay on top of hei on the flooi anu began bieathing
haiu with his uiaphiagm pushing it in anu out foicing hei to bieathe in
unison with him
Whats he uoing I askeu la Gorda
Whats he uoing Cant you see she ieplieu shaiply
I whispeieu to hei that I was awaie that he was tiying to make hei
ielax but that his pioceuuie was novel to me She saiu that Pablito was
giving Josefina eneigy by placing his miusection wheie men have a
suiplus of it ovei Josefinas womb wheie women stoie theii eneigy
Josefina sat up anu smileu at me She seemeu to be peifectly ielaxeu
I uo meet Eligio all the time she saiu Be waits foi me eveiy uay
Bow come youve nevei tolu us that Pablito askeu in a huffy tone
She tolu me la Gorda inteiiupteu anu then she went into a lengthy
explanation of what it meant to all of us that Eligio was available She
auueu that she hau been waiting foi a sign fiom me to uisclose Eligios
woius
Bont beat aiounu the bush woman Pablito yelleu Tell us his
woius
They aie not foi you la Gorda yelleu back
Who aie they foi then Pablito askeu
They aie foi the Nagual la Gorda yelleu pointing at me
La Gorda apologizeu foi iaising hei voice She saiu that whatevei
Eligio hau saiu was complex anu mysteiious anu she coulu not make
heaus oi tails of it
I just listeneu to him Thats all I was able to uo listen to him la
Gorda continueu
Bo you mean you also meet Eligio Pablito askeu in a tone that was
a mixtuie of angei anu expectation
I uo la Gorda ieplieu in almost a whispei I couldnt talk about it
because I hau to wait foi him
She pointeu to me anu then pusheu me with both hanus I
momentaiily lost my balance anu tumbleu uown on my siue
What is this What aie you uoing to him Pablito askeu in a veiy
angiy voice Was that a uisplay of Inuian love
I tuineu to la Gorda She maue a gestuie with hei lips to tell me to be
quiet
Eligio says that you aie the Nagual but you aie not foi us Josefina
saiu to me
Theie was ueau silence in the ioom I uiu not know what to make of
Josefinas statement I hau to wait until someone else talkeu
Bo you feel ielieveu la Gorda piouueu me
I saiu to all of them that I uiu not have any opinions one way oi the
othei They lookeu like chiluien bewilueieu chiluien La Gorda hau the
aii of a mistiess of ceiemonies who is thoioughly embaiiasseu
Nestoi stoou up anu faceu la Gorda Be spoke a phiase in Mazatec to
hei It hau the sounu of a commanu oi a iepioach
Tell us eveiything you know Gorda he went on in Spanish You
have no iight to play with us to holu back something so impoitant just
foi youiself
La Gorda piotesteu vehemently She explaineu that she was holuing
on to what she knew because Eligio hau askeu hei to uo so Josefina
assenteu with a nou of hei heau
Biu he tell all this to you oi to Josefina Pablito askeu
We weie togethei la Gorda saiu in a baiely auuible whispei
You mean you anu Josefina uieam togethei Pablito exclaimeu
bieathlessly
The suipiise in his voice coiiesponueu to the shock wave that
seemeu to go thiough the iest of them
What exactly has Eligio saiu to you two Nestoi askeu when the
shock hau subsiueu
Be saiu that I shoulu tiy to help the Nagual iemembei his left siue
la Gorda saiu
Bo you know what shes talking about Nestoi askeu me
Theie was no possibility that I woulu have known I tolu them that
they shoulu tuin to themselves foi answeis But none of them voiceu any
suggestions
Be tolu Josefina othei things which she cant iemembei la Gorda
saiu So we aie in a ieal fix Eligio saiu that you aie uefinitely the Nagual
anu you have to help us but that you aie not foi us 0nly upon
iemembeiing youi left siue can you take us to wheie we have to go
Nestoi spoke to Josefina in a fatheily mannei anu uigeu hei to
iemembei what Eligio hau saiu Nestoi uiu that iathei than insisting that
I shoulu iemembei something which must have been in some soit of
coue since none of us coulu make sense of it
Josefina winceu anu fiowneu as if she weie unuei a heavy weight
that was pushing hei uown She actually lookeu like a iag uoll that was
being compiesseu I watcheu in tiue fascination
I cant she finally saiu I know what hes talking about when he
speaks to me but I cant say now what it is It doesnt come out
Bo you iemembei any woius Nestoi askeu Any single woius
She stuck hei tongue out shook hei heau fiom siue to siue anu
scieameu at the same time
No I cant she saiu aftei a moment
What kinu of uieaming uo you uo Josefina I askeu
The only kinu I know she snappeu
Ive tolu you how I uo mine I saiu Now tell me how you uo youis
I close my eyes anu I see this wall she saiu Its like a wall of fog
Eligio waits foi me theie Be takes me thiough it anu shows me things I
suppose I uont know what we uo but we uo things togethei Then he
biings me back to the wall anu lets me go anu I come back anu foiget
what Ive seen
Bow uiu you happen to go with la Gorda I askeu
Eligio tolu me to get hei she saiu The two of us waiteu foi la
Gorda anu when she went into hei uieaming we snatcheu hei anu
pulleu hei behinu that wall Weve uone that twice
Bow uiu you snatch hei I askeu
I uont know Josefina ieplieu But Ill wait foi you anu when you
uo youi uieaming Ill snatch you anu then youll know
Can you snatch anyone I askeu
Suie she saiu smiling But I uont uo it because its a waste I
snatcheu la Gorda because Eligio tolu me that he wanteu to tell hei
something on account of hei being moie levelheaueu than I am
Then Eligio must have tolu you the same things Gorda Nestoi saiu
with a fiimness that was not familiai to me
La Gorda maue an unusual gestuie of loweiing hei heau opening hei
mouth on the siues shiugging hei shoulueis anu lifting hei aims above
hei heau
Josefina has just tolu you what happeneu she saiu Theie is no
way foi me to iemembei Eligio speaks with a uiffeient speeu Be speaks
but my bouy cannot unueistanu him No No Ny bouy cannot iemembei
Thats what it is I know he saiu that the Nagual heie will iemembei anu
will take us to wheie we have to go Be couldnt tell me moie because
theie was so much to tell anu so little time Be saiu that somebouy anu I
uont iemembei who is waiting foi me in paiticulai
Is that all he saiu Nestoi insisteu
The seconu time I saw him he tolu me that all of us will have to
iemembei oui left siue soonei oi latei if we want to get to wheie we
have to go But he is the one who has to iemembei fiist
She pointeu to me anu pusheu me again as she hau uone eailiei The
foice of hei shove sent me tumbling like a ball
What aie you uoing this foi Gorda I askeu a bit annoyeu at hei
Im tiying to help you iemembei she saiu The Nagual Juan
Matus tolu me that I shoulu give you a push fiom time to time in oiuei to
jolt you
La Gorda huggeu me in a veiy abiupt movement
Belp us Nagual she pleaueu We aie woise off than ueau if you
uont
I was close to teais Not because of theii uilemma but because I felt
something stiiiing insiue me It was something that hau been euging its
way out evei since we visiteu that town
La Gordas pleauing was heaitbieaking I then hau anothei attack of
what seemeu to be hypeiventilation A colu sweat envelopeu me anu then
I got sick to my stomach La Gorda tenueu to me with absolute kinuness
Tiue to hei piactice of waiting befoie ievealing a finuing la Gorda
woulu not consiuei uiscussing oui seeing togethei in Oaxaca Foi uays
she iemaineu aloof anu ueteimineuly uninteiesteu She woulu not even
uiscuss my getting ill Neithei woulu the othei women
Bon Juan useu to stiess the neeu foi waiting foi the most appiopiiate
time to let go of something that we holu I unueistoou the mechanics of la
Gordas actions although I founu hei insistence on waiting iathei
annoying anu not in accoiu with oui neeus I coulu not stay with them
too long so I uemanueu that all of us shoulu get togethei anu shaie
eveiything we knew She was inflexible
We have to wait she saiu We have to give oui bouies a chance to
come up with a solution 0ui task is the task of iemembeiing not with
oui minus but with oui bouies Eveiybouy unueistanus it like that
She lookeu at me inquisitively She seemeu to be looking foi a clue
that woulu tell hei that I too hau unueistoou the task I aumitteu to being
thoioughly mystifieu Since I was the outsiuei I was alone while they hau
one anothei foi suppoit
This is the silence of waiiiois she saiu laughing anu then auueu in
a conciliatoiy tone This silence doesnt mean that we cant talk about
something else
Naybe we shoulu go back to oui olu uiscussion of losing the human
foim I saiu
Theie was a look of annoyance in hei eyes I explaineu at length that
especially when foieign concepts weie involveu meaning hau to be
continually claiifieu foi me
What exactly uo you want to know she askeu
Anything that you may want to tell me I saiu
The Nagual tolu me that losing the human foim biings fieeuom she
saiu I believe it But I havent felt that fieeuom not yet
Theie was a moment of silence She was obviously assessing my
ieaction
What kinu of fieeuom is it Gorda I askeu
The fieeuom to iemembei youi self she saiu The Nagual saiu that
losing the human foim is like a spiial It gives you the fieeuom to
iemembei anu this in tuin makes you even fieei
Why havent you felt that fieeuom yet I askeu
She clickeu hei tongue anu shiuggeu hei shoulueis She seemeu
confuseu oi ieluctant to go on with oui conveisation
Im tieu to you she saiu 0ntil you lose youi human foim in oiuei
to iemembei I wont be able to know what that fieeuom is But peihaps
you wont be able to lose youi human foim unless you iemembei fiist
We shouldnt be talking about this anyway Why uont you go anu talk to
the Genaros
She sounueu like a mothei senuing hei chilu out to play but I uiu not
minu it in the least Fiom someone else I coulu easily have taken the
same attituue as aiiogance oi contempt I likeu being with hei That was
the uiffeience
I founu Pablito Nestoi anu Benigno in Genaros house playing a
stiange game Pablito was uangling about foui feet above the giounu
insiue something that seemeu to be a uaik leathei hainess stiappeu to
his chest unuei his aimpits The hainess iesembleu a thick leathei vest
As I focuseu my attention on it I noticeu that Pablito was actually
stanuing on some thick stiaps that loopeu uown fiom the hainess like
stiiiups Be was suspenueu in the centei of the ioom by two iopes stiung
ovei a thick iounu tiansveise beam that suppoiteu the ioof Each iope
was attacheu to the hainess itself ovei Pablitos shoulueis by a metal
iing
Nestoi anu Benigno each helu a iope They weie stanuing facing
each othei holuing Pablito in miuaii by the stiength of theii pull
Pablito was holuing on with all his stiength to two long thin poles that
weie planteu in the giounu anu fitteu comfoitably in his claspeu hanus
Nestoi was to Pablitos left anu Benigno to his iight
The game seemeu to be a thieesiueu tugofwai a feiocious battle
between the ones who weie tugging anu the one who was suspenueu
When I walkeu into the ioom all I coulu heai was the heavy
bieathing of Nestoi anu Benigno The muscles of theii aims anu necks
weie bulging with the stiain of pulling
Pablito kept an eye on both of them focusing on each one one at a
time with a splitseconu glance All thiee weie so absoibeu in theii game
that they uiu not even notice my piesence oi if they uiu they coulu not
affoiu to bieak theii concentiation to gieet me
Nestoi anu Benigno staieu at each othei foi ten to fifteen minutes in
total silence Then Nestoi fakeu letting his iope go Benigno uiu not fall
foi it but Pablito uiu Pablito tighteneu the giip of his left hanu anu
biaceu his feet on the poles in oiuei to stiengthen his holu Benigno
useu the moment to stiike anu gave a mighty tug at the piecise instant
that Pablito easeu his giip
Benignos pull caught Pablito anu Nestoi by suipiise Benigno hung
fiom the iope with all his weight Nestoi was outmaneuveieu Pablito
fought uespeiately to balance himself It was useless Benigno won the
iounu
Pablito got out of the hainess anu came to wheie I was I askeu him
about theii extiaoiuinaiy game Be seemeu somehow ieluctant to talk
Nestoi anu Benigno joineu us aftei putting theii geai away Nestoi saiu
that theii game hau been uesigneu by Pablito who founu the stiuctuie in
uieaming anu then constiucteu it as a game
At fiist it was a uevice foi tensing the muscles of two of them at the
same time They useu to take tuins at being hoisteu But then Benignos
uieaming gave them the entiy into a game wheie all thiee of them tenseu
theii muscles anu shaipeneu theii visual piowess by iemaining in a state
of aleitness sometimes foi houis
Benigno thinks now that it is helping oui bouies to iemembei
Nestoi went on La Gorda foi instance plays it in a weiiu way She wins
eveiy time no mattei what position she plays Benigno thinks thats
because hei bouy iemembeis
I askeu them if they also hau the silence iule They laugheu Pablito
saiu that la Gorda wanteu moie than anything else to be like the Nagual
Juan Matus She uelibeiately imitateu him up to the most absuiu uetail
Bo you mean we can talk about what happeneu the othei night I
askeu almost bewilueieu since la Gorda hau been so emphatically
against it
We uont caie Pablito saiu Youre the Nagual
Benigno heie iemembeieu something ieal ieal weiiu Nestoi saiu
without looking at me
I think it was a mixeuup uieam myself Benigno saiu but Nestoi
thinks it wasnt
I waiteu impatiently With a movement of my heau I uigeu them to
go on
The othei uay he iemembeieu you teaching him how to look foi
tiacks in soft uiit Nestoi saiu
It must have been a uieam I saiu
I wanteu to laugh at the absuiuity but all thiee of them lookeu at me
with pleauing eyes
Its absuiu I saiu
Anyway I bettei tell you now that I have a similai iecollection
Nestoi saiu You took me to some iocks anu showeu me how to hiue
Nine was not a mixeuup uieam I was awake I was walking with
Benigno one uay looking foi plants anu suuuenly I iemembeieu you
teaching me So I hiu as you taught me anu scaieu Benigno out of his
wits
I taught you Bow coulu that be When I askeu
I was beginning to get neivous They uiu not seem to be joking
When Thats the point Nestoi saiu We cant figuie out when But
Benigno anu I know it was you
I felt heavy oppiesseu Ny bieathing became uifficult I feaieu I was
going to get ill again I ueciueu iight then to tell them about what la
Gorda anu I hau seen togethei Talking about it ielaxeu me At the enu
of my iecounting I was again in contiol of myself
The Nagual Juan Matus left us a little bit open Nestoi saiu All of
us can see a little We see holes in people who have hau chiluien anu also
fiom time to time we see a little glow in people Since you uont see at all
it looks like the Nagual left you completely closeu so that you will open
youiself fiom within Now youve helpeu la Gorda anu she eithei sees
fiom within oi shes meiely iiuing on youi back
I tolu them that what hau happeneu in Oaxaca may have been a fluke
Pablito thought that we shoulu go to Genaros favoiite iock anu sit
theie with oui heaus togethei The othei two founu his iuea biilliant I
hau no objections Although we sat theie foi a long time nothing
happeneu We uiu get veiy ielaxeu howevei
While we weie still sitting on the iock I tolu them about the two men
la Gorda hau believeu to be uon Juan anu uon Genaro They sliu uown
anu piactically uiaggeu me back to la Gordas house Nestoi was the
most agitateu Be was almost incoheient All I got out of them was that
they hau been waiting foi a sign of that natuie
La Gorda was waiting foi us at the uooi She knew what I hau tolu
them
I just wanteu to give my bouy time she saiu befoie we hau saiu
anything I have to be ueau suie which I am It was the Nagual anu
Genaro
Whats in those shacks Nestoi askeu
They didnt go insiue them la Gorda saiu They walkeu away
towaiu the open fielus towaiu the east In the uiiection of this town
She seemeu bent on appeasing them She askeu them to stay They
uiu not want to They excuseu themselves anu left I was suie that they
felt ill at ease in hei piesence
She seemeu to be veiy angiy I iathei enjoyeu hei explosions of
tempei anu this was quite contiaiy to my noimal ieactions I hau always
felt edgy in the piesence of anyone who was upset with the mysteiious
exception of la Gorda
Buiing the eaily houis of the evening all of us congiegateu in la
Gordas ioom All of them seemeu pieoccupieu They sat in silence
staiing at the flooi La Gorda tiieu to stait a conveisation She saiu that
she hau not been iule that she hau put two anu two togethei anu hau
come up with some solutions
This is not a mattei of putting two anu two togethei Nestoi saiu
This is a task of iemembeiing with the bouy
It seemeu that they hau talkeu about it among themselves juuging by
the nous of agieement Nestoi hau fiom the otheis That left la Gorda anu
myself as the outsiueis
Lydia also iemembeis something Nestoi went on She thought it
was hei stupiuity but upon heaiing what Ive iemembeieu she tolu us
that this Nagual heie took hei to a cuiei anu left hei theie to have hei
eyes cuieu
La Gorda anu I tuineu to Lydia She loweieu hei heau as if
embaiiasseu She mumbleu The memoiy seemeu too painful foi hei She
saiu that when uon Juan fiist founu hei hei eyes weie infecteu anu she
coulu not see Someone uiove hei in a cai ovei a gieat uistance to the
cuiei who healeu hei
She hau always been convinceu that uon Juan hau uone that but
upon heaiing my voice she iealizeu that it was I who hau taken hei theie
The incongiuity of such a memoiy thiew hei into agony fiom the fiist
uay she met me
Ny eais uont lie to me Lydia auueu aftei a long silence It was you
who took me theie
Impossible Impossible I yelleu
Ny bouy began to shake out of contiol I hau a sense of uuality
Peihaps what I call my iational self incapable of contiolling the iest of
me took the seat of a spectatoi Some pait of me was watching as
anothei pait of me shook
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait one Ciossing the
Bounuaiies of Affection
veision
Self
Ciossing the Bounuaiies of Affection
Whats happening to us Gorda I askeu aftei the otheis hau gone
home
0ui bouies aie iemembeiing but I just cant figuie out what she
saiu
Bo you believe the memoiies of Lydia Nestoi anu Benigno
Suie Theyre veiy seiious people They uont just say things like
that foi the hell of it
But what they say is impossible You believe me uont you Gorda
I believe that you uont iemembei but then
She uiu not finish She came to my siue anu began to whispei in my
eai She saiu that theie was something that the Nagual Juan Matus hau
maue hei piomise to keep to heiself until the time was iight a tiump
caiu to be useu only when theie was no othei way out
She auueu in a uiamatic whispei that the Nagual hau foieseen theii
new living aiiangement which was the iesult of my taking Josefina to
Tula to be with Pablito She saiu that theie was a faint chance that we
might succeeu as a gioup if we followeu the natuial oiuei of that
oiganization La Gorda explaineu that since we weie uiviueu into
couples we foimeu a living oiganism We weie a snake a iattlesnake
The snake hau foui sections anu was uiviueu into two longituuinal
halves male anu female She saiu that she anu I maue up the fiist section
of the snake the heau It was a colu calculating poisonous heau The
seconu section foimeu by Nestoi anu Lydia was the fiim anu faii heait
of the snake The thiiu was the bellya shifty moouy untiustwoithy belly
maue up by Pablito anu Josefina Anu the fouith section the tail wheie
the iattle was locateu was foimeu by the couple who in ieal life coulu
iattle on in theii Tzotzil language foi houis on enu Benigno anu Rosa
La Gorda stiaighteneu heiself up fiom the position she hau auopteu
to whispei in my eai She smileu at me anu patteu me on the back
Eligio saiu one woiu that finally came back to me she went on
Josefina agiees with me that he saiu the woiu tiail ovei anu ovei We
aie going to go on a tiail
Without giving me a chance to ask hei any questions she saiu that
she was going to sleep foi a while anu then assemble eveiyone to go on a
tiip
We staiteu out befoie miunight hiking in biight moonlight Eveiyone
of the otheis hau been ieluctant to go at fiist but la Gorda veiy skillfully
sketcheu out foi them uon Juans allegeu uesciiption of the snake
Befoie we staiteu Lydia suggesteu that we pioviue ouiselves with
supplies in case the tiip tuineu out to be a long one La Gorda uismisseu
hei suggestion on the giounus that we hau no iuea about the natuie of
the tiip She saiu that the Nagual Juan Matus hau once pointeu out to hei
the beginning of a pathway anu saiu that at the iight oppoitunity we
shoulu place ouiselves on that spot anu let the powei of the tiail ieveal
itself to us La Gorda auueu that it was not an oiuinaiy goats path but a
natuial line on the eaith which the Nagual hau saiu woulu give us
stiength anu knowleuge if we coulu follow it anu become one with it
We moveu unuei mixeu leaueiship La Gorda supplieu the impetus
anu Nestoi knew the actual teiiain She leu us to a place in the
mountains Nestoi took ovei then anu locateu a pathway 0ui foimation
was eviuent the heau taking the leau anu the otheis aiianging
themselves accoiuing to the anatomical mouel of a snake heait
intestines anu tail The men weie to the iight of the women Each couple
was five feet behinu the one in fiont of them
We hikeu as quickly anu as quietly as we coulu Theie weie uogs
baiking foi a time As we got highei into the mountains theie was only
the sounu of ciickets We walkeu foi a long while
All of a suuuen la Gorda stoppeu anu giabbeu my aim She pointeu
aheau of us Twenty oi thiity yaius away iight in the miuule of the tiail
theie was the bulky silhouette of an enoimous man ovei seven feet tall
Be was blocking oui way We gioupeu togethei in a tight bunch 0ui eyes
weie fixeu on the uaik shape Be uiu not move Aftei a while Nestoi
alone auvanceu a few steps towaiu him 0nly then uiu the figuie move
Be came towaiu us uigantic as he was he moveu nimbly
Nestoi came back iunning The moment he joineu us the man
stoppeu Boluly la Gorda took a step towaiu him The man took a step
towaiu us It was eviuent that if we kept on moving foiwaiu we weie
going to clash with the giant We weie no match foi whatevei it was
Without waiting to piove it I took the initiative anu pulleu eveiyone back
anu quickly steeieu them away fiom that place
We walkeu back to la Gordas house in total silence It took us houis
to get theie We weie utteily exhausteu When we weie safely sitting in
hei ioom la Gorda spoke
We aie uoomeu she saiu to me You didnt want us to move on
That thing we saw on the tiail was one of youi allies wasnt it They
come out of theii hiuing place when you pull them out
I uiu not answei Theie was no point in piotesting I iemembeieu the
countless times I hau believeu that uon Juan anu uon Genaro weie in
cahoots with each othei I thought that while uon Juan talkeu to me in
the uaikness uon Genaro woulu put on a uisguise in oiuei to scaie me
Bon Juan woulu insist that it was an ally
The iuea that theie weie allies oi entities at laige that escape oui
eveiyuay attention hau been too faifetcheu foi me But then I hau liveu to
finu out that the allies of uon Juans uesciiption existeu in fact Theie
weie as he hau saiu entities at laige in the woilu
In an authoiitaiian outbuist iaie to me in my eveiyuay life I stoou
up anu tolu la Gorda anu the iest of them that I hau a pioposition foi
them anu they coulu take it oi leave it If they weie ieauy to move out of
theie I was willing to take the iesponsibility of taking them somewheie
else If they weie not ieauy I woulu feel exoneiateu exoneiateu fieeu
fiom any question of guilt fiom any fuithei commitment to them
I felt a suige of optimism anu ceitainty None of them saiu anything
They lookeu at me silently as if they weie inteinally assessing my
statements
Bow long woulu it take you to get youi geai I askeu
We have no geai la Gorda saiu Well go as we aie Anu we can go
iight this minute if it is necessaiy But if we can wait thiee moie uays
eveiything will be bettei foi us
What about the houses that you have I askeu
Soledad will take caie of that she saiu
That was the fiist time uona Soledads name hau been mentioneu
since I last saw hei I was so intiigueu that I momentaiily foigot the
uiama of the moment I sat uown
La Gorda was hesitant to answei my questions about uona Soledad
Nestoi took ovei anu saiu that uona Soledad was aiounu but that none
of them knew much about hei activities She came anu went without
giving anyone notice the agieement between them being that they woulu
look aftei hei house anu vice veisa Bona Soledad knew that they hau to
leave soonei oi latei anu she woulu assume the iesponsibility of uoing
whatevei was necessaiy to uispose of theii piopeity
Bow will you let hei know I askeu
Thats la Gordas uepaitment Nestoi saiu We uont know wheie
she is
Wheie is uona Soledad Gorda I askeu
Bow in the hell woulu I know la Gorda snappeu at me
But youre the one who calls hei Nestoi saiu
La Gorda lookeu at me It was a casual look yet it gave me a shivei I
iecognizeu that look but fiom wheie The uepths of my bouy stiiieu Ny
solai plexus hau a soliuity I hau nevei felt befoie Ny uiaphiagm seemeu
to be pushing up on its own I was ponueiing whethei I shoulu lie uown
when suuuenly I founu myself stanuing
La Gorda doesnt know I saiu 0nly I know wheie she is
Eveiyone was shockeu I peihaps moie than anyone else I hau maue
the statement with no iational founuation whatsoevei At the moment I
was voicing it neveitheless I hau hau the peifect conviction that I knew
wheie she was It was like a flash that ciosseu my consciousness I saw a
mountainous aiea with veiy iuggeu aiiu peaks a sciaggy teiiain
uesolate anu colu
As soon as I hau spoken my next conscious thought was that I must
have seen that lanuscape in a movie anu that the piessuie of being with
these people was causing me to have a bieakuown
I apologizeu to them foi mystifying them in such a blatant although
unintentional mannei I sat uown again
You mean you uont know why you saiu that Nestoi askeu me
Be hau chosen his woius caiefully The natuial thing to say at least
foi me woulu have been So you ieally uont know wheie she is I tolu
them that something unknown hau come upon me I uesciibeu the
teiiain I hau seen anu the ceitainty I hau hau that uona Soledad was
theie
That happens to us quite often Nestoi saiu
I tuineu to la Gorda anu she nouueu hei heau I askeu foi an
explanation
These ciazy mixeuup things keep coming to oui minus la Gorda
saiu Ask Lydia oi Rosa oi Josefina
Since they hau enteieu into theii new living aiiangement Lydia
Rosa anu Josefina hau not saiu much to me They hau confineu
themselves to gieetings anu casual comments about foou oi the weathei
Lydia avoiueu my eyes She mumbleu that she thought at times that
she iemembeieu othei things
Sometimes I can ieally hate you she saiu to me I think you aie
pietenuing to be stupiu Then I iemembei that you weie veiy ill because
of us Was it you
0f couise it was him Rosa saiu I too iemembei things I
iemembei a lauy who was kinu to me She taught me how to keep myself
clean anu this Nagual cut my haii foi the fiist time while the lauy helu
me because I was scaieu That lauy loveu me She huggeu me all the time
She was veiy tall I iemembei my face was on hei bosom when she useu
to hug me She was the only peison who evei caieu foi me I wouluve
glauly gone to my ueath foi hei
Who was that lauy Rosa la Gorda askeu with bateu bieath
Rosa pointeu to me with a movement of hei chin a gestuie heavy
with uejection anu contempt
Be knows she saiu
All of them staieu at me waiting foi an answei I became angiy anu
yelleu at Rosa that she hau no business making statements that weie
ieally accusations I was not in any way lying to them
Rosa was not flusteieu by my outbuist She calmly explaineu that she
iemembeieu the lauy telling hei that I woulu come back some uay aftei I
hau iecoveieu fiom my illness Rosa unueistoou that the lauy was taking
caie of me nuising me back to health Theiefoie I hau to know who she
was anu wheie she was since I seemeu to have iecoveieu
What kinu of illness uiu I have Rosa I askeu
You got ill because you couldnt holu youi woilu she saiu with
uttei conviction Someone tolu me I think a veiy long time ago that you
weie not maue foi us just like Eligio tolu la Gorda in uieaming You left
us because of it anu Lydia nevei foigave you Shell hate you beyonu this
woilu
Lydia piotesteu that hei feelings foi me hau nothing to uo with what
Rosa was saying She was meiely shoittempeieu anu easily got angiy at
my stupiuities
I askeu Josefina if she also iemembeieu me
I suie uo she saiu with a giin But you know me Im ciazy You
cant tiust me Im not uepenuable
La Gorda insisteu on heaiing what Josefina iemembeieu Josefina
was set not to say anything anu they aigueu back anu foith Finally
Josefina spoke to me
Whats the use of all this talk about iemembeiing Its just talk she
saiu Anu it isnt woith a fig
Josefina seemeu to have scoieu a point with all of us Theie was no
moie to be saiu They weie getting up to leave aftei having sat in polite
silence foi a few minutes
I iemembei you bought me beautiful clothes Josefina suuuenly
saiu to me Bont you iemembei when I fell uown the staiis in one stoie
I neaily bioke my leg anu you hau to caiiy me out
Eveiybouy sat uown again anu kept theii eyes fixeu on Josefina
I also iemembei a ciazy woman she went on She wanteu to beat
me anu useu to chase me all ovei the place until you got angiy anu
stoppeu hei
I felt exaspeiateu Eveiyone seemeu to be hanging on Josefinas
woius when she heiself hau tolu us not to tiust hei because she was
ciazy She was iight Bei iemembeiing was sheei abeiiation
abeiiation conuition maikeuly uiffeient fiom the noim to me
I know why you got ill too she went on I was theie But I cant
iemembei wheie They took you beyonu that wall of fog to finu this
stupiu Gorda I suppose she must have gotten lost You couldnt make it
back When they biought you out you weie almost ueau
The silence that followeu hei ievelations was oppiessive I was afiaiu
to ask anything
I cant iemembei why on eaith she went in theie oi who biought
you back Josefina continueu I uo iemembei that you weie ill anu
didnt iecognize me any moie This stupiu Gorda sweais that she didnt
know you when you fiist came to this house a few months ago I knew
you iight away I iemembeieu you weie the Nagual that got ill You want
to know something I think these women aie just inuulging Anu so aie
the men especially that stupiu Pablito Theyve got to iemembei they
weie theie too
Can you iemembei wheie we weie I askeu
No I cant Josefina saiu Ill know it if you take me theie though
When we all weie theie they useu to call us the uiunkaius because we
weie gioggy I was the least uizzy of all so I iemembei pietty well
Who calleu us uiunkaius I askeu
Not you just us Josefina ieplieu I uont know who The Nagual
Juan Matus I suppose
I lookeu at them anu each one of them avoiueu my eyes
We aie coming to the enu Nestoi mutteieu as if talking to himself
0ui enuing is staiing us in the eye
Be seemeu to be on the veige of teais
I shoulu be glau anu piouu that we have aiiiveu at the enu he went
on Yet Im sau Can you explain that Nagual
Suuuenly all of them weie sau Even uefiant Lydia was sau
Whats wiong with all of you I askeu in a convivial tone What
enuing aie you talking about
I think eveiyone knows what enuing it is Nestoi saiu Lately Ive
been having stiange feelings Something is calling us Anu we uont let go
as we shoulu We cling
Pablito hau a tiue moment of gallantiy anu saiu that la Gorda was
the only one among them who uiu not cling to anything The iest of them
he assuieu me weie neaily hopeless egotists
The Nagual Juan Matus saiu that when its time to go we will have a
sign Nestoi saiu Something we tiuly like will come foith anu take us
Be saiu it doesnt have to be something gieat Benigno auueu
Anything we like will uo
Foi me the sign will come in the foim of the leau soluieis I nevei
hau Nestoi saiu to me A iow of Hussars on hoiseback will come to
take me What will it be foi you
I iemembeieu uon Juan telling me once that ueath might be behinu
anything imaginable even behinu a uot on my wiiting pau Be gave me
then the uefinitive metaphoi of my ueath
I hau tolu him that once while walking on Bollywoou Boulevaiu in
Los Angeles I hau heaiu the sounu of a tiumpet playing an olu iuiotic
populai tune The music was coming fiom a iecoiu shop acioss the
stieet
Nevei hau I heaiu a moie beautiful sounu I became eniaptuieu by it
I hau to sit uown on the cuib The limpiu biass sounu of that tiumpet was
going uiiectly to my biain I felt it just above my iight temple It sootheu
me until I was uiunk with it
When it concluueu I knew that theie woulu be no way of evei
iepeating that expeiience anu I hau enough uetachment not to iush into
the stoie anu buy the iecoiu anu a steieo set to play it on
Bon Juan saiu that it hau been a sign given to me by the poweis that
iule the uestiny of men When the time comes foi me to leave the woilu
in whatevei foim I will heai the same sounu of that tiumpet the same
iuiotic tune the same peeiless tiumpetei
The next uay was a fiantic uay foi them They seemeu to have enuless
things to uo La Gorda saiu that all theii choies weie peisonal anu hau to
be peifoimeu by each one of them without any help
I welcomeu being alone I too hau things to woik out I uiove to the
neaiby town that hau uistuibeu me so thoioughly I went uiiectly to the
house that hau helu such fascination foi la Gorda anu me
I knockeu on the uooi A lauy answeieu I maue up a stoiy that I hau
liveu in that house as a chilu anu wanteu to look at it again She was a
veiy giacious woman She let me go thiough the house apologizing
piofusely foi a nonexistent uisoiuei
Theie was a wealth of hiuuen memoiies in that house They weie
theie anu I coulu feel them but I coulu not iemembei anything
The following uay la Gorda left at uawn I expecteu hei to be gone all
uay but she came back at noon She seemeu veiy upset
Soledad has come back anu wants to see you she saiu flatly
Without any woiu of explanation she took me to uona Soledads
house Bona Soledad was stanuing by the uooi She lookeu youngei anu
stiongei than the last time I hau seen hei She boie only the slightest
iesemblance to the lauy I hau known yeais befoie
La Gorda seemeu to be on the veige of ciying The tension we weie
going thiough maue hei moou peifectly unueistanuable to me She left
without saying a woiu
Bona Soledad saiu that she hau only a little time to talk to me anu
that she was going to use eveiy minute of it She was stiangely
uefeiential uefeiential showing couiteous iegaiu foi peoples
feelings Theie was a tone of politeness in eveiy woiu she saiu
I maue a gestuie to inteiiupt hei to ask a question I wanteu to know
wheie she hau been She iebuffeu me in a most uelicate mannei She saiu
that she hau chosen hei woius caiefully anu that the lack of time woulu
peimit hei only to say what was essential
She peeieu into my eyes foi a moment that seemeu unnatuially long
That annoyeu me She coulu have talkeu to me anu answeieu some
questions in the same length of time She bioke hei silence anu spoke
what I thought weie absuiuities She saiu that she hau attackeu me as I
hau iequesteu hei to the uay we ciosseu the paiallel lines foi the fiist
time anu that she only hopeu hei attack hau been effective anu seiveu its
puipose
I wanteu to shout that I hau nevei askeu hei to uo anything of the
soit I uiu not know about paiallel lines anu what she was saying was
nonsense She piesseu my lips with hei hanu I iecoileu automatically
She seemeu sau She saiu that theie was no way foi us to talk because at
that moment we weie on two paiallel lines anu neithei of us hau the
eneigy to cioss ovei 0nly hei eyes coulu tell me hei moou
Foi no ieason I began to feel ielaxeu Something insiue me felt at
ease I noticeu that teais weie iolling uown my cheeks Anu then a most
incieuible sensation took possession of me foi a moment a shoit
moment but long enough to jolt the founuations of my consciousness oi
of my peison oi of what I think anu feel is myself
Buiing that biief moment I knew that we weie veiy close to each
othei in puipose anu tempeiament 0ui ciicumstances weie alike I
wanteu to acknowleuge to hei that it hau been an aiuuous stiuggle but
the stiuggle was not ovei yet It woulu nevei be ovei She was saying
gooubye because being the impeccable waiiioi she was she knew that
oui paths woulu nevei cioss again We hau come to the enu of a tiail
A lost wave of affiliation of kinship buist out fiom some
unimaginable uaik coinei of myself That flash was like an electiic chaige
in my bouy I embiaceu hei Ny mouth was moving saying things that
hau no meaning to me Bei eyes lit up She was also saying something I
coulu not unueistanu The only sensation that was cleai to me that I hau
ciosseu the paiallel lines hau no piagmatic significance Theie was a
welleuup anguish insiue me pushing outwaiu Some inexplicable foice
was splitting me apait I coulu not bieathe anu eveiything went black
I felt someone moving me shaking me gently La Gordas face came
into focus I was lying in uona Soledads beu anu la Gorda was sitting by
my siue We weie alone
Wheie is she I askeu
Shes gone la Gorda ieplieu
I wanteu to tell la Gorda eveiything She stoppeu me She openeu the
uooi All the appientices weie outsiue waiting foi me They hau put on
theii iaunchiest clothes La Gorda explaineu that they hau toin up
eveiything they hau It was late afteinoon I hau been asleep foi houis
Without talking we walkeu to la Gordas house wheie I hau my cai
paikeu They ciammeu insiue like chiluien going on a Sunuay uiive
Befoie I got into the cai I stoou gazing at the valley Ny bouy iotateu
slowly anu maue a complete ciicle as if it hau a volition anu puipose of
its own I felt I was captuiing the essence of that place I wanteu to keep it
with me because I knew unequivocally that nevei in this life woulu I see
it again
The otheis must have uone that alieauy They weie fiee of
melancholy They weie laughing teasing one anothei
I staiteu the cai anu uiove away When we ieacheu the last benu in
the ioau the sun was setting anu la Gorda yelleu at me to stop She got
out anu ian to a small hill at the siue of the ioau She climbeu it anu took
a last look at hei valley She extenueu hei aims towaiu it anu bieatheu it
in
The iiue uown those mountains was stiangely shoit anu thoioughly
uneventful Eveiybouy was quiet I tiieu to get la Gorda into a
conveisation but she flatly iefuseu She saiu that the mountains being
possessive claimeu owneiship of them anu that if they uiu not save theii
eneigy the mountains woulu nevei let them go
0nce we got to the lowlanus they became moie animateu especially
la Gorda She seemeu to be bubbling with eneigy She even volunteeieu
infoimation without any coaxing on my pait 0ne of hei statements was
that the Nagual Juan Matus hau tolu hei anu Soledad hau confiimeu
that theie was anothei siue to us 0pon heaiing it the iest of them joineu
in with questions anu comments They weie baffleu by theii stiange
memoiies of events that coulu not logically have taken place Since some
of them hau fiist met me only months befoie iemembeiing me in the
iemote past was something beyonu the bounus of theii ieason
I tolu them then about my meeting with uona Soledad I uesciibeu
my feeling of having known hei intimately befoie anu my sense of
having unmistakably ciosseu what she calleu the paiallel lines They
ieacteu with confusion to my statement It seemeu that they hau heaiu
the teim befoie but I was not suie they all unueistoou what it meant Foi
me it was a metaphoi I coulu not vouch that it was the same foi them
When we weie coming into the city of Oaxaca they expiesseu the
uesiie to visit the place wheie la Gorda hau saiu uon Juan anu uon
Genaro uisappeaieu I uiove uiiectly to the spot They iusheu out of the
cai anu seemeu to be oiienting themselves sniffing at something looking
foi clues La Gorda pointeu in the uiiection she thought they hau gone
Youve maue a teiiible mistake Gorda Nestoi saiu louuly Thats
not the east thats the noith
La Gorda piotesteu anu uefenueu hei opinion The women backeu
hei anu so uiu Pablito Benigno was noncommittal Be kept on looking
at me as if I weie going to fuinish the answei which I uiu I iefeiieu to a
map of the city of Oaxaca that I hau in the cai The uiiection la Gorda
was pointing was inueeu noith
Nestoi iemaikeu that he hau felt all along that theii uepaituie fiom
theii town was not piematuie oi foiceu in any way The timing was iight
The otheis hau not anu theii hesitation aiose fiom la Gordas
misjuugment They hau believeu as she heiself hau that the Nagual hau
pointeu towaiu theii hometown meaning that they hau to stay put I
aumitteu as an afteithought that in the final analysis I was the one to
blame because although I hau hau the map I hau faileu to use it at the
time
I then mentioneu that I hau foigotten to tell them that one of the men
the one I hau thought foi a moment was uon Genaro hau beckoneu us
with a movement of his heau La Gordas eyes wiueneu with genuine
suipiise oi even alaim She hau not uetecteu the gestuie she saiu The
beckoning hau been only foi me
Thats it Nestoi exclaimeu 0ui fates aie sealeu
Be tuineu to auuiess the otheis All of them weie talking at once Be
maue fiantic gestuies with his hanus to calm them
I only hope that all of you uiu whatevei you hau to uo as if you weie
nevei coming back he saiu Because we aie nevei going back
Aie you telling us the tiuth Lydia askeu me with a fieice look in
hei eyes as the otheis peeieu expectantly at me
I assuieu them that I hau no ieason to make it up The fact that I saw
that man gestuiing to me with his heau hau no significance whatsoevei
foi me Besiues I was not even convinceu that those men weie uon Juan
anu uon Genaro
Youre veiy ciafty Lydia saiu You may just be telling us this so
that we will follow you meekly
Now wait a minute la Gorda saiu This Nagual may be as ciafty as
you like but hed nevei uo anything like that
They all began talking at once I tiieu to meuiate anu hau to shout
ovei theii voices that what I hau seen uiu not make any uiffeience
anyway
Nestoi veiy politely explaineu that Genaro hau tolu them that when
the time came foi them to leave theii valley he woulu somehow let them
know with a movement of his heau They quieteu uown when I saiu that
if theii fates weie sealeu by that event so was mine All of us weie going
noith
Nestoi then leu us to a place of louging a boaiuinghouse wheie he
stayeu when uoing business in the city Theii spiiits weie high in fact too
high foi my comfoit Even Lydia embiaceu me apologizing foi being so
uifficult She explaineu that she hau believeu la Gorda anu theiefoie hau
not botheieu to cut hei ties effectively Josefina anu Rosa weie ebullient
ebullient joyously uniestiaineu anu patteu me on the back ovei anu
ovei I wanteu to talk with la Gorda I neeueu to uiscuss oui couise of
action But theie was no way to be alone with hei that night
Nestoi Pablito anu Benigno left in the eaily moining to uo some
eiianus Lydia Rosa anu Josefina also went out to go shopping La
Gorda iequesteu that I help hei buy hei new clothes She wanteu me to
pick out one uiess foi hei the peifect one to give hei the selfconfiuence
she neeueu to be a fluiu waiiioi I not only founu a uiess but an entiie
outfit shoes nylons anu lingeiie
I took hei foi a stioll We meanueieu in the centei of town like two
touiists staiing at the Inuians in theii iegional gaiments Being a
foimless waiiioi she was alieauy peifectly at ease in hei elegant outfit
She lookeu iavishing It was as if she hau nevei uiesseu any othei way It
was I who coulu not get useu to it
The questions that I wanteu to ask la Gorda which shoulu have
pouieu out of me weie impossible to foimulate I hau no iuea what to ask
hei I tolu hei in tiue seiiousness that hei new appeaiance was affecting
me veiy sobeily she saiu that the ciossing of bounuaiies was what hau
affecteu me
We ciosseu some bounuaiies last night she saiu Soledad tolu me
what to expect so I was piepaieu But you weie not
She began to explain softly anu slowly that we hau ciosseu some
bounuaiies of affection the night befoie She was enunciating eveiy
syllable as if she weie talking to a chilu oi a foieignei But I coulu not
concentiate We went back to oui lougings I neeueu to iest yet I enueu
up going out again Lydia Rosa anu Josefina hau not been able to finu
anything anu wanteu something like la Gordas outfit
By midafternoon I was back in the boaiuinghouse aumiiing the little
sisteis Rosa hau uifficulty walking with highheeleu shoes We weie
joking about hei feet when the uooi openeu slowly anu Nestoi maue a
uiamatic entiance Be was weaiing a tailoieu uaikblue suit lightpink
shiit anu blue necktie Bis haii was neatly combeu anu a bit fluffy as if it
hau been blown uiy Be lookeu at the women anu the women lookeu at
him Pablito came in followeu by Benigno Both weie uashing Theii
shoes weie bianu new anu theii suits lookeu custom maue
I coulu not get ovei eveiyones auaptation to city clothes They
ieminueu me so much of uon Juan I was peihaps as shockeu seeing the
thiee Genaros in city clothes as I hau been when I saw uon Juan weaiing
a suit yet I accepteu theii change instantly 0n the othei hanu while I
was not suipiiseu at the womens tiansfoimation foi some ieason I
coulu not get accustomeu to it
I thought that the Genaros must have hau a stieak of soiceieis luck
in oiuei to finu such peifect fits They laugheu when they heaiu me
iaving about theii luck Nestoi saiu that a tailoi hau maue theii suits
months befoie
We each have anothei suit he saiu to me We even have leathei
suitcases We knew oui time in these mountains was up We aie ieauy to
go 0f couise you fiist have to tell us wheie Anu also how long we aie
going to stay heie
Be explaineu that he hau olu business accounts he hau to close anu
neeueu time La Gorda steppeu in anu with gieat ceitainty anu authoiity
stateu that that night we weie going to go as fai away as powei
peimitteu Consequently they hau until the enu of the uay to settle theii
business Nestoi anu Pablito hesitateu by the uooi They lookeu at me
waiting foi confiimation I thought the least I coulu uo was to be honest
with them but la Gorda inteiiupteu me just as I was about to say that I
was in limbo as to what exactly we weie going to uo
We will meet at the Naguals bench at uusk she saiu Well leave
fiom theie We shoulu uo whatevei we have to oi want to until then
knowing that nevei again in this life will we be back
La Gorda anu I weie alone aftei eveiybouy left In an abiupt anu
clumsy movement she sat on my lap She was so light I coulu make hei
thin bouy shake by contiacting the muscles of my calves Bei haii hau a
peculiai peifume I jokeu that the smell was unbeaiable
She was laughing anu shaking when out of nowheie a feeling came to
me a memoiy All of a suuuen I hau anothei Gorda on my lap fat twice
the size of the Gorda I knew Bei face was iounu anu I was teasing hei
about the peifume in hei haii I hau the sensation that I was taking caie
of hei
The impact of that spuiious spuiious plausible but false memoiy
maue me stanu up La Gorda fell noisily to the flooi I uesciibeu what I
hau iemembeieu I tolu hei that I hau seen hei as a fat woman only
once anu so biiefly that I hau no iuea of hei featuies anu yet I hau just
hau a vision of hei face when she was fat
She uiu not make any comments She took off hei clothes anu put on
hei olu uiess again
I am not yet ieauy foi it she saiu pointing at hei new outfit We
still have one moie thing to uo befoie we aie fiee Accoiuing to the
Nagual Juan Matus instiuctions all of us must sit togethei on a powei
spot of his choice
Wheies that spot
Somewheie in the mountains aiounu heie Its like a uooi The
Nagual tolu me that theie was a natuial ciack on that spot Be saiu that
ceitain powei spots aie holes in this woilu If you aie foimless you can
go thiough one of those holes into the unknown into anothei woilu That
woilu anu this woilu we live in aie on two paiallel lines
Chances aie that all of us have been taken acioss those lines at one
time oi anothei but we uont iemembei Eligio is in that othei woilu
Sometimes we ieach it thiough uieaming Josefina of couise is the best
uieamei among us She ciosses those lines eveiy uay but being ciazy
makes hei inuiffeient even uumb so Eligio helpeu me to cioss those
lines thinking I was moie intelligent anu I tuineu out to be just as uumb
Eligio wants us to iemembei oui left siue Soledad tolu me that the
left siue is the paiallel line to the one we aie living in now So if he wants
us to iemembei it we must have been theie Anu not in uieaming eithei
Thats why all of us iemembei weiiu things now anu then
Bei conclusions weie logical given the piemises she was woiking
with I knew what she was talking about Those occasional unsoliciteu
memoiies ieekeu of the ieality of eveiyuay life anu yet we coulu finu no
time sequence foi them no opening in the continuum of oui lives wheie
we coulu fit them
La Gorda ieclineu on the beu Theie was a woiiieu look in hei eyes
What botheis me is what to uo to finu that powei spot she saiu
Without it theie is no possible jouiney foi us
What woiiies me is wheie Im going to take all of you anu what Im
going to uo with you I saiu
Soledad tolu me that we will go as fai noith as the boiuei la Gorda
saiu Some of us even fuithei noith peihaps But you wont go all the
way thiough with us You have anothei fate
La Gorda was pensive pensive peisistently oi moibiuly
thoughtfu foi a moment She fiowneu with the appaient effoit of
aiianging hei thoughts
Soledad saiu that you will take me to fulfill my uestiny la Gorda
saiu I am the only one of us who is in youi chaige
Alaim must have been wiitten all ovei my face She smileu
Soledad also tolu me that you aie pluggeu up la Gorda went on
You have moments though when you aie a Nagual The iest of the time
Soledad says you aie like a ciazy man who is luciu luciu
tianspaiently cleai in language only foi a few moments anu then
ieveits back to his mauness
Bona Soledad hau useu an appiopiiate image to uesciibe me one I
coulu unueistanu I must have hau a moment of luciuity foi hei when I
knew I hau ciosseu the paiallel lines That same moment by my
stanuaius was the most incongiuous of all Bona Soledad anu I weie
ceitainly on two uiffeient lines of thought
What else uiu she tell you I askeu
She tolu me I shoulu foice myself to iemembei la Gorda saiu She
exhausteu heiself tiying to biing out my memoiy That was why she
couldnt ueal with you
La Gorda got up She was ieauy to leave I took hei foi a walk aiounu
the city She seemeu veiy happy She went fiom place to place watching
eveiything feasting hei eyes on the woilu
Bon Juan hau given me that image Be hau saiu that a waiiioi knows
that he is waiting anu knows also what he is waiting foi anu while he
waits he feasts his eyes on the woilu Foi him the ultimate
accomplishment of a waiiioi was joy That uay in Oaxaca la Gorda was
following uon Juans teachings to the lettei
In the late afteinoon befoie uusk we sat uown on uon Juans bench
Benigno Pablito anu Josefina showeu up fiist Aftei a few minutes the
othei thiee joineu us Pablito sat uown between Josefina anu Lydia anu
put his aims aiounu them They hau changeu back into theii olu clothes
La Gorda stoou up anu began to tell them about the powei spot
Nestoi laugheu at hei anu the iest of them joineu him
Nevei again will you get us to fall foi youi bossiness Nestoi saiu
We aie fiee of you We ciosseu the bounuaiies last night
La Gorda was uniuffleu but the otheis weie angiy I hau to inteivene
I saiu louuly that I wanteu to know moie about the bounuaiies we hau
ciosseu the night befoie Nestoi explaineu that that peitaineu only to
them La Gorda uisagieeu They seemeu to be on the veige of fighting I
pulleu Nestoi to the siue anu oiueieu him to tell me about the
bounuaiies
0ui feelings make bounuaiies aiounu anything he saiu The moie
we love the stiongei the bounuaiy is In this case we loveu oui home
Befoie we left it we hau to lift up oui feelings 0ui feelings foi oui home
went up to the top of the mountains to the west fiom oui valley That was
the bounuaiy anu when we ciosseu the top of those mountains knowing
that well nevei be back we bioke it
But I also knew that Id nevei be back I saiu
You didnt love those mountains the way we uiu Nestoi ieplieu
That iemains to be seen la Gorda saiu ciyptically
We weie unuei hei influence Pablito saiu stanuing up anu
pointing to la Gorda She hau us by the napes of oui necks Now I see
how stupiu weve been on account of hei We cant ciy ovei spilleu milk
but well nevei fall foi it again
Lydia anu Josefina joineu Nestoi anu Pablito Benigno anu Rosa
lookeu on as if the stiuggle uiu not concein them any moie
I hau iight then anothei moment of ceitainty anu authoiitaiian
behavioi I stoou up anu without any conscious volition announceu that I
was taking chaige anu that I ielieveu la Gorda of any fuithei obligation
to make comments oi to piesent hei iueas as the only solution When I
finisheu talking I was shockeu at my boluness Eveiyone incluuing la
Gorda was uelighteu
The foice behinu my explosion hau been fiist a physical sensation
that my sinuses weie opening anu seconu the ceitainty that I knew what
uon Juan hau meant anu exactly wheie the place was that we hau to visit
befoie we coulu be fiee As my sinuses openeu I hau hau a vision of the
house that hau intiigueu me
I tolu them wheie we hau to go They accepteu my uiiections without
any aiguments oi even comments We checkeu out of the boaiuinghouse
anu went to eat uinnei Afteiwaiu we stiolleu aiounu the plaza until
about eleven oclock I biought the cai aiounu they pileu noisily insiue
anu we weie off La Gorda iemaineu awake to keep me company while
the iest of them went to sleep anu then Nestoi uiove while la Gorda anu
I slept
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait one A Boiue of Angiy
Soiceieis
veision
Self
A Boiue of Angiy Soiceieis
We weie in the town at the ciack of uawn At that point I took the
wheel anu uiove towaiu the house A couple of blocks befoie we got
theie la Gorda askeu me to stop She got out of the cai anu began to
walk on the high siuewalk 0ne by one all of them got out They followeu
la Gorda Pablito came to my siue anu saiu that I shoulu paik on the
plaza which was a block away I uiu that
The moment I saw la Gorda tuining the coinei I knew that
something was wiong with hei She was extiaoiuinaiily pale She came
to me anu saiu in a whispei that she was going to go to heai eaily mass
Lydia also wanteu to uo that Both of them walkeu acioss the plaza anu
went insiue the chuich
Pablito Nestoi anu Benigno weie as sombei as I hau evei seen
them Rosa was fiighteneu hei mouth open hei eyes fixeu unblinking
looking in the uiiection of the house 0nly Josefina was beaming She
gave me a buuuybuuuy slap on the back
Youve uone it you son of a gun she exclaimeu Youve knockeu
the tai out of these sons of bitches
She laugheu until she was neaily out of bieath
Is this the place Josefina I askeu
It suiely is she saiu La Gorda useu to go to chuich all the time
She was a ieal chuichgoei at that time
Bo you iemembei that house ovei theie I askeu pointing to it
Thats Silvio Manuels house she saiu
All of us jumpeu upon heaiing the name I felt something similai to a
milu shock of electiic cuiient going thiough my knees The name was
uefinitely not familiai to me yet my bouy jumpeu upon heaiing it Silvio
Manuel was such a iaie name so liquiu a sounu
The thiee Genaros anu Rosa weie as peituibeu as I was I noticeu
that they weie pale }uuging by what I felt I must have been just as pale
as they weie
Who is Silvio Manuel I finally manageu to ask Josefina
Now you got me she saiu I uont know
She ieiteiateu that she was ciazy anu nothing that she saiu shoulu be
taken seiiously Nestoi beggeu hei to tell us whatevei she iemembeieu
Josefina tiieu to think but she was not the peison to peifoim well
unuei piessuie I knew that she woulu uo bettei if no one askeu hei I
pioposeu that we look foi a bakeiy oi a place to eat
They didnt let me uo much in that house thats what I iemembei
Josefina saiu all of a suuuen
She tuineu aiounu as if looking foi something oi as if she weie
oiienting heiself
Something is missing heie she exclaimeu This is not quite the way
it useu to be
I attempteu to help hei by asking questions that I ueemeu
appiopiiate such as whethei houses weie missing oi hau been painteu
oi new ones built But Josefina coulu not figuie out how it was uiffeient
We walkeu to the bakeiy anu bought sweet iolls As we weie heauing
back to the plaza to wait foi la Gorda anu Lydia Josefina suuuenly hit
hei foieheau as if an iuea hau just stiuck hei
I know whats missing she shouteu That stupiu wall of fog It useu
to be heie then Its gone now
All of us spoke at once asking hei about the wall but Josefina went
on talking unuistuibeu as if we weie not theie
It was a wall of fog that went all the way up to the sky she saiu It
was iight heie Eveiy time I tuineu my heau theie it was It uiove me
ciazy Thats iight uain it I wasnt nuts until I was uiiven ciazy by that
wall I saw it with my eyes closeu oi with my eyes open I thought that
wall was aftei me
Foi a moment Josefina lost hei natuial vivaciousness A uespeiate
look appeaieu in hei eyes I hau seen that look in people who weie going
thiough a psychotic episoue I huiiieuly suggesteu that she eat hei sweet
ioll She calmeu uown immeuiately anu began to eat it
What uo you think of all this Nestoi I askeu
Im scaieu he saiu softly
Bo you iemembei anything I askeu him
Be shook his heau negatively I questioneu Pablito anu Benigno with
a movement of my biows They also shook theii heaus to say no
Bow about you Rosa I askeu
Rosa jumpeu when she heaiu me auuiessing hei She seemeu to have
lost hei speech She helu a sweet ioll in hei hanu anu staieu at it
seemingly unueciueu as to what to uo with it
0f couise she iemembeis Josefina saiu laughing but shes
fiighteneu to ueath Cant you see that piss is even coming out hei eais
Josefina seemeu to think hei statement was the ultimate joke She
uoubleu up laughing anu uioppeu hei ioll on the giounu She pickeu it
up uusteu it off anu ate it
Ciazy people eat anything she saiu slapping me on the back
Nestoi anu Benigno seemeu uncomfoitable with Josefinas antics
Pablito was uelighteu Theie was a look of aumiiation in his eyes Be
shook his heau anu clickeu his tongue as if he coulu not believe such
giace
Lets go to the house Josefina uigeu us Ill tell you all kinus of
things theie
I saiu that we shoulu wait foi la Gorda anu Lydia Besiues it was still
too eaily to bothei the chaiming lauy who liveu theie Pablito saiu that
in the couise of his caipentiy business he hau been in the town anu knew
a house wheie a family piepaieu foou foi tiansient tiansient one who
stays foi only a shoit time people Josefina uiu not want to wait Foi hei
it was eithei going to the house oi going to eat I opteu foi having
bieakfast anu tolu Rosa to go into the chuich to get la Gorda anu Lydia
but Benigno gallantly volunteeieu to wait foi them anu take them to the
bieakfast place Appaiently he too knew wheie the place was
Pablito uiu not take us uiiectly theie Insteau at my iequest we
maue a long uetoui Theie was an olu biiuge at the euge of town that I
wanteu to examine I hau seen it fiom my cai the uay I hau come with la
Gorda Its stiuctuie seemeu to be colonial We went out on the biiuge
anu then stoppeu abiuptly in the miuule of it I askeu a man who was
stanuing theie if the biiuge was veiy olu Be saiu that he hau seen it all
his life anu he was ovei fifty
I thought that the biiuge helu a unique fascination foi me alone but
watching the otheis I hau to concluue that they too hau been affecteu by
it Nestoi anu Rosa weie panting out of bieath Pablito was holuing on
to Josefina she in tuin was holuing on to me
Bo you iemembei anything Josefina I askeu
That uevil Silvio Manuel is on the othei siue of this biiuge she saiu
pointing to the othei enu some thiity feet away
I lookeu Rosa in the eyes She nouueu hei heau affiimatively anu
whispeieu that she hau once ciosseu that biiuge in gieat feai anu that
something hau been waiting to uevoui hei at the othei enu
The two men weie no help They lookeu at me bewilueieu Each saiu
that he was afiaiu foi no ieason I hau to agiee with them I felt I woulu
not uaie cioss that biiuge at night foi all the money in the woilu I uiu
not know why
What else uo you iemembei Josefina I askeu
Ny bouy is veiy fiighteneu now she saiu I cant iemembei
anything else That uevil Silvio Manuel is always in the uaikness Ask
Rosa
With a movement of my heau I inviteu Rosa to talk She nouueu
affiimatively thiee oi foui times but coulu not vocalize hei woius The
tension I myself was expeiiencing was uncalleu foi yet ieal All of us
weie stanuing on that biiuge miuway acioss incapable of taking one
moie step in the uiiection Josefina hau pointeu
At last Josefina took the initiative anu tuineu aiounu We walkeu
back to the centei of town Pablito guiueu us then to a laige house La
Gorda Lydia anu Benigno weie alieauy eating They hau even oiueieu
foou foi us I was not hungiy Pablito Nestoi anu Rosa weie in a uaze
Josefina ate heaitily Theie was an ominous silence at the table
Eveiybouy avoiueu my eyes when I tiieu to stait a conveisation
Aftei bieakfast we walkeu to the house No one saiu a woiu I
knockeu anu when the lauy came out I explaineu to hei that I wanteu to
show hei house to my fiienus She hesitateu foi a moment La Gorda
gave hei some money anu apologizeu foi inconveniencing hei
Josefina leu us uiiectly to the back I hau not seen that pait of the
house when I was theie befoie Theie was a cobbleu couityaiu with
iooms aiiangeu aiounu it Bulky faiming equipment was stoieu away in
the ioofeu coiiiuois
I hau the feeling I hau seen that couityaiu when theie was no cluttei
in it Theie weie eight iooms two on each of the foui siues of the
couityaiu Nestoi Pablito anu Benigno seemeu to be on the biink of
getting physically ill La Gorda was peispiiing piofusely She sat uown
with Josefina in an alcove in one of the walls while Lydia anu Rosa went
insiue one of the iooms Suuuenly Nestoi seemeu to have an uige to finu
something anu uisappeaieu into anothei of those iooms So uiu Pablito
anu Benigno
I was left alone with the lauy I wanteu to talk to hei ask hei
questions see if she knew Silvio Manuel but I coulu not mustei the
eneigy to talk Ny stomach was in knots Ny hanus weie uiipping
peispiiation What oppiesseu me was an intangible sauness a longing foi
something not piesent unfoimulateu
I coulu not stanu it I was about to say gooubye to the lauy anu walk
out of the house when la Gorda came to my siue She whispeieu that we
shoulu sit uown in a laige ioom off a hall sepaiate fiom the couityaiu
The ioom was visible fiom wheie we weie stanuing We went theie anu
steppeu insiue It was a veiy laige empty ioom with a high beameu
ceiling uaik but aiiy
La Gorda calleu eveiyone to the ioom The lauy just lookeu at us but
uiu not come in heiself Eveiyone seemeu to know piecisely wheie to sit
The Genaros sat to the iight of the uooi on one siue of the ioom anu la
Gorda anu the thiee little sisteis sat to the left on the othei siue They
sat close to the walls Although I woulu have likeu to sit next to la Gorda
I sat neai the centei of the ioom The place seemeu iight to me I uiu not
know why but an ulteiioi oiuei seemeu to have ueteimineu oui places
While I sat theie a wave of stiange feelings iolleu ovei me I was
passive anu ielaxeu I fancieu myself to be like a moving pictuie scieen
on which alien feelings of sauness anu longing weie being piojecteu But
theie was nothing I coulu iecognize as a piecise memoiy We stayeu in
that ioom foi ovei an houi Towaiu the enu I felt I was about to uncovei
the souice of the uneaithly sauness that was making me weep almost
without contiol But then as involuntaiily as we hau sat theie we stoou
up anu left the house We uiu not even thank the lauy oi say gooubye to
hei
We congiegateu in the plaza La Gorda stateu iight away that
because she was foimless she was still in chaige She saiu that she was
taking this stanu because of conclusions she hau ieacheu in Silvio
Manuels house La Gorda seemeu to be waiting foi comments The
silence of the otheis was unbeaiable to me I finally hau to say something
What aie the conclusions you ieacheu in that house Gorda I
askeu
I think we all know what they aie she ieplieu in a haughty tone
We uont know that I saiu Nobouy has saiu anything yet
We uont have to talk we know la Gorda saiu
I insisteu that I coulu not take such an impoitant event foi gianteu
We neeueu to talk about oui feelings As fai as I was conceineu all I hau
gotten out of it was a uevastating sense of sauness anu uespaii
The Nagual Juan Matus was iight la Gorda saiu We hau to sit on
that place of powei to be fiee I am fiee now I uont know how it
happeneu but something was lifteu off me as I sat theie
The thiee women agieeu with hei The thiee men uiu not Nestoi saiu
that he hau been about to iemembei actual faces but that no mattei how
haiu he hau tiieu to cleai his view something thwaiteu him All he hau
expeiienceu was a sense of longing anu sauness at finuing himself still in
the woilu Pablito anu Benigno saiu moie oi less the same thing
See what I mean Gorda I saiu
She seemeu uispleaseu She puffeu up as I hau nevei seen hei 0i hau
I seen hei all puffeuup befoie somewheie She haiangueu the gioup I
coulu not pay attention to what she was saying I was immeiseu in a
memoiy that was foimless but almost within my giasp
To keep it going it seemeu I neeueu a continuous flow fiom la Gorda
I was fixeu on the sounu of hei voice hei angei At a ceitain moment
when she was becoming moie subuueu I yelleu at hei that she was
bossy She got tiuly upset I watcheu hei foi a while I was iemembeiing
anothei Gorda anothei time an angiy fat Gorda pounuing hei fists on
my chest I iemembeieu laughing at seeing hei angiy humoiing hei like
a chilu The memoiy enueu the moment la Gordas voice stoppeu She
seemeu to have iealizeu what I was uoing
I auuiesseu all of them anu tolu them that we weie in a piecaiious
piecaiious affoiuing no ease oi ieassuiance fiaught with uangei
position something unknown was looming ovei us
Its not looming ovei us la Gorda saiu uiyly Its hit us alieauy
Anu I think you know what it is
I uont anu I think Im also speaking foi the iest of the men I saiu
The thiee Genaros assenteu with a nou
We have liveu in that house while we weie on the left siue la Gorda
explaineu I useu to sit in that alcove to ciy because I couldnt figuie out
what to uo I think if I coulu have stayeu in that ioom a bit longei touay I
wouluve iemembeieu it all But something pusheu me out of theie
I also useu to sit in that ioom when theie weie moie people in theie
I couldnt iemembei theii faces though Yet othei things became cleai as
I sat theie touay Im foimless Things come to me goou anu bau I foi
instance pickeu up my olu aiiogance anu my uesiie to bioou But I also
pickeu up othei things goou things
Ne too Lydia saiu in a iaspy voice
What aie the goou things I askeu
I think Im wiong in hating you Lydia saiu Ny hatieu will keep
me fiom flying away They tolu me that in that ioom the men theie anu
the women
What men anu what women Nestoi askeu in a tone of fiight
I was theie when they weie theie thats all I know Lydia saiu You
also weie theie All of us weie theie
Who weie those men anu women Lydia I askeu
I was theie when they weie theie thats all I know she iepeateu
Bow about you Gorda I askeu
Ive tolu you alieauy that I cant iemembei any faces oi anything
specific she saiu But I know one thing whatevei we uiu in that house
was on the left siue We ciosseu oi somebouy maue us cioss ovei the
paiallel lines The weiiu memoiies we have come fiom that time fiom
that woilu
Without any veibal agieement we left the plaza anu heaueu foi the
biiuge La Gorda anu Lydia ian aheau of us When we got theie we founu
both of them stanuing exactly wheie we ouiselves hau stoppeu eailiei
Silvio Manuel is the uaikness la Gorda whispeieu to me hei eyes
fixeu on the othei enu of the biiuge
Lydia was shaking She also tiieu to talk to me I coulu not
unueistanu what she was mouthing
I pulleu eveiyone back away fiom the biiuge I thought that peihaps
if we coulu piece togethei what we knew about that place we might have
a composite that woulu help us unueistanu oui uilemma
We sat on the giounu a few yaius away fiom the biiuge Theie weie
lots of people milling aiounu but no one paiu any attention to us
Whos Silvio Manuel Gorda I askeu
I nevei heaiu the name until now she saiu I uont know the man
yet I know him Something like waves came upon me when I heaiu that
name Josefina tolu me the name when we weie in the house Fiom that
moment on things have staiteu to come to my minu anu to my mouth
just like Josefina I nevei thought I woulu live to finu myself being like
Josefina
Why uiu you say that Silvio Manuel is the uaikness I askeu
I have no iuea she saiu Yet all of us heie know that that is the
tiuth
She uigeu the women to speak up No one utteieu a woiu I pickeu on
Rosa She hau been about to say something thiee oi foui times I accuseu
hei of holuing out on us Bei little bouy convulseu
We ciosseu this biiuge anu Silvio Manuel waiteu foi us at the othei
enu she saiu in a voice baiely auuible I went last When he uevouieu
the otheis I heaiu theii scieams I wanteu to iun away but the uevil
Silvio Manuel was at both enus of the biiuge Theie was no way to
escape
La Gorda Lydia anu Josefina agieeu I askeu whethei it was just a
feeling that they hau hau oi an actual moment to moment memoiy of
something La Gorda saiu that foi hei it hau been exactly as Rosa hau
uesciibeu it a moment to moment memoiy The othei two agieeu with
hei
I wonueieu alouu what hau happeneu with the people who liveu
aiounu the biiuge If the women weie scieaming as Rosa saiu they weie
the passeisby must have heaiu them Scieaming woulu have causeu a
commotion Foi a moment I felt that the whole town must have
collaboiateu in some plot A chill ian thiough me I tuineu to Nestoi anu
bluntly expiesseu the full scope of my feai
Nestoi saiu that the Nagual Juan Matus anu Genaro weie inueeu
waiiiois of supieme accomplishment anu as such they weie solitaiy
beings Theii contacts with people weie onetoone Theie was no
possibility that the entiie town oi even the people who liveu aiounu the
biiuge weie in collusion with them Foi that to happen Nestoi saiu all
those people woulu have to be waiiiois a most unlikely possibility
Josefina began to ciicle me looking me up anu uown with a sneei
You ceitainly have gall she saiu Pietenuing that you uont know
anything when you weie heie youiself You biought us heie You pusheu
us onto this biiuge
The eyes of the women became menacing I tuineu to Nestoi foi
assistance
I uont iemembei a thing he saiu This place scaies me thats all I
know
Tuining to Nestoi was an excellent maneuvei on my pait The women
lasheu out at him
0f couise you iemembei Josefina yelleu All of us weie heie
What kinu of stupiu ass aie you
Ny inquiiy iequiieu a sense of oiuei I moveu them away fiom the
biiuge I thought that being the active peisons they weie they woulu
finu it moie ielaxing to stioll anu talk things out iathei than sitting as I
woulu have piefeiieu
As we walkeu the womens angei vanisheu as quickly as it hau come
Lydia anu Josefina became even moie talkative They stateu ovei anu
ovei the sense they hau hau that Silvio Manuel was awesome
Neveitheless neithei of them coulu iemembei being physically huit
They only iemembeieu being paialyzeu by feai Rosa uiu not say a woiu
but gestuieu hei agieement with eveiything the otheis saiu
I askeu them if it hau been night when they tiieu to cioss the biiuge
Both Lydia anu Josefina saiu that it was uaytime Rosa cleaieu hei
thioat anu whispeieu that it was at night La Gorda claiifieu the
uisciepancy explaining that it hau been the moining twilight oi just
befoie
We ieacheu the enu of a shoit stieet anu automatically tuineu back
towaiu the biiuge
Its simplicity itself la Gorda saiu suuuenly as if she hau just
thought it thiough We weie ciossing oi iathei Silvio Manuel was
making us cioss the paiallel lines That biiuge is a powei spot a hole in
this woilu a uooi to the othei We went thiough it It must have huit us
to go thiough because my bouy is scaieu Silvio Manuel was waiting foi
us on the othei siue None of us iemembeis his face because Silvio
Manuel is the uaikness anu nevei woulu he show his face We coulu see
only his eyes
0ne eye Rosa saiu quietly anu lookeu away
Eveiyone heie incluuing you la Gorda saiu to me knows that
Silvio Manuels face is in uaikness 0ne coulu only heai his voice soft
like muffleu coughing
La Gorda stoppeu talking anu began sciutinizing me in a way that
maue me feel selfconscious Bei eyes weie cagey She gave me the
impiession that she was holuing back something she knew I askeu hei
She uenieu it but she aumitteu having scoies of feelings with no
founuation that she uiu not caie to explain I uigeu anu then uemanueu
that the women make an effoit to iecollect what hau happeneu to them
on the othei siue of that biiuge Each of them coulu iemembei only
heaiing the scieams of the otheis
The thiee Genaros iemaineu outsiue oui uiscussion I askeu Nestoi if
he hau any iuea of what hau happeneu Bis sombei answei was that all of
it was beyonu his unueistanuing
I came then to a quick uecision It seemeu to me that the only avenue
open foi us was to cioss that biiuge I iallieu them to walk back to the
biiuge anu go ovei it as a gioup The men agieeu instantaneously the
women uiu not Aftei exhausting all my ieasonings I finally hau to push
anu uiag Lydia Rosa anu Josefina
La Gorda was ieluctant to go but seemeu intiigueu by the piospect
She moveu along without helping me with the women anu so uiu the
Genaros They giggleu neivously at my effoits to heiu the little sisteis
but they uiu not move a fingei to help We walkeu up to the point wheie
we hau stoppeu eailiei
I felt theie that I was suuuenly too weak to holu the thiee women I
yelleu at la Gorda to help She maue a halfheaiteu attempt to catch Lydia
as the gioup lost its cohesion anu eveiyone of them except la Gorda
sciambleu stumping anu puffing to the safety of the stieet La Gorda
anu I stayeu as if we weie glueu to that biiuge incapable of going
foiwaiu anu begiuuging having to ietieat
La Gorda whispeieu in my eai that I shoulu not be afiaiu at all
because it hau actually been I who hau been waiting foi them on the
othei siue She auueu that she was convinceu I knew I was Silvio
Manuels helpei but that I uiu not uaie to ieveal it to anyone
Right then a fuiy beyonu my contiol shook my bouy I felt that la
Gorda hau no business making those iemaiks oi having those feelings I
giabbeu hei by the haii anu twiileu hei aiounu I caught myself at the
apex of my wiath anu stoppeu I apologizeu anu huggeu hei
A sobei thought came to my iescue I saiu to hei that being a leauei
was getting on my neives The tension was becoming moie anu moie
acute as we pioceeueu She uiu not agiee with me She helu on
steaufastly to hei inteipietation that Silvio Manuel anu I weie utteily
close anu that upon being ieminueu of my mastei I hau ieacteu with
angei It was lucky that she hau been entiusteu to my caie she saiu
otheiwise I piobably woulu have thiown hei off the biiuge
We tuineu back The iest of them weie safely off the biiuge staiing at
us with unmistakable feai A veiy peculiai state of timelessness seemeu
to pievail Theie weie no people aiounu We must have been on that
biiuge foi at least five minutes anu not a single peison hau ciosseu it oi
even come in sight Then all of a suuuen people weie moving aiounu as
on any thoioughfaie uuiing the busy houis
Without a woiu we walkeu back to the plaza We weie uangeiously
weak I hau a vague uesiie to iemain in the town a bit longei but we got
in the cai anu uiove east towaiu the Atlantic coast Nestoi anu I took
tuins uiiving stopping only foi gasoline anu to eat until we ieacheu
Veracruz
That city was neutial giounu foi us I hau been theie only once None
of the otheis hau evei been theie La Gorda believeu that such an
unknown city was the piopei place to sheu theii olu wiappings We
checkeu into a hotel anu theie they pioceeueu to iip theii olu clothes to
shieus The excitation of a new city uiu wonueis foi theii moiale anu
theii feeling of wellbeing
0ui next stop was Nexico City We stayeu at a hotel by the Alameua
Paik wheie uon Juan anu I hau once stayeu Foi two uays we weie
peifect touiists We shoppeu anu visiteu as many touiist spots as
possible The women lookeu simply stunning Benigno bought a cameia
in a pawn shop Be took foui hunuieu anu twentyfive shots without any
film
At one place while we weie aumiiing the stupenuous mosaics on the
walls a secuiity guaiu askeu me wheie those goigeous foieign women
weie fiom Be assumeu I was a touiist guiue I tolu him that they weie
fiom Sri Lanka Be believeu me anu maiveleu at the fact that they almost
lookeu Nexican
The following uay at ten oclock in the moining we weie at the aiiline
office into which uon Juan hau once pusheu me When he shoveu me I
hau gone in thiough one uooi anu come out thiough anothei not to the
stieet as I shoulu have but to a maiket at least a mile away wheie I hau
watcheu the activities of the people theie
La Gorda speculateu that the aiiline office was also like that biiuge a
powei spot a uooi to cioss fiom one paiallel line to the othei She saiu
that eviuently the Nagual hau pusheu me thiough that opening but I got
caught miuway between the two woilus in between the lines Thus I hau
watcheu the activity in the maiket without being pait of it She saiu that
the Nagual of couise hau intenueu to push me all the way thiough but
my willfulness thwaiteu him anu I enueu back on the line I came fiom
this woilu
We walkeu fiom the aiiline office to the maiket anu fiom theie to the
Alameua Paik wheie uon Juan anu I hau sat aftei oui expeiience at the
office I hau been in that paik with uon Juan many times I felt it was the
most appiopiiate place to talk about the couise of oui futuie actions
It was my intention to summaiize eveiything we hau uone in oiuei to
let the powei of that place ueciue what oui next step woulu be Aftei oui
uelibeiate attempt at ciossing the biiuge I hau tiieu unsuccessfully to
think out a way to hanule my companions as a gioup We sat on some
stone steps anu I staiteu off with the iuea that foi me knowleuge was
fuseu with woius I tolu them that it was my eainest belief that if an
event oi expeiience was not foimulateu into a concept it was
conuemneu to dissipatel I askeu them theiefoie to give me theii
inuiviuual assessments of oui situation
Pablito was the fiist one to talk I founu that ouu since he hau been
extiaoiuinaiily quiet up until now Be apologizeu because what he was
going to say was not something he hau iemembeieu oi felt but a
conclusion baseu on eveiything he knew
Be saiu that he saw no pioblem in unueistanuing what the women
saiu hau happeneu on that biiuge It hau been Pablito maintaineu a
mattei of being compelleu to cioss fiom the iight siue the tonal to the
left siue the nagual What hau scaieu eveiyone was the fact that
someone else was in contiol foicing the ciossing
Be saw no pioblem eithei in accepting that I hau been the one who
hau then helpeu Silvio Manuel Be backeu up his conclusion with the
statement that only two uays eailiei he hau seen me uoing the same
thing pushing eveiyone onto the biiuge That time I hau hau no one to
help me on the othei siue no Silvio Manuel to pull them
I tiieu to change the topic anu began to explain to them that to foiget
the way we hau foigotten was calleu amnesia The little I knew about
amnesia was not enough to sheu any light on oui case but enough to
make me believe that we coulu not foiget as if on commanu I tolu them
that someone possibly uon Juan must have uone something
unfathomable to us I wanteu to finu out exactly what that hau been
Pablito insisteu that it was impoitant foi me to unueistanu that it
was I who hau been in cahoots with Silvio Manuel Be intimateu then
that Lydia anu Josefiha hau talkeu to him about the iole I hau playeu in
foicing them to cioss the paiallel lines
I uiu not feel comfoitable uiscussing that subject I commenteu that I
hau nevei heaiu about the paiallel lines until the uay I spoke with uona
Soledad yet I hau hau no qualms about immeuiately auopting the iuea I
tolu them that I knew in a flash what she meant I even became convinceu
I hau ciosseu them myself when I thought I iemembeieu hei Eveiy one
of the otheis with the exception of la Gorda saiu that the fiist time they
hau heaiu about paiallel lines was when I spoke of them La Gorda saiu
that she hau fiist leaineu about them fiom uona Soledad just befoie I
uiu
Pablito maue an attempt to talk about my ielationship with Silvio
Manuel I inteiiupteu him I saiu that while all of us weie at the biiuge
tiying to cioss it I hau faileu to iecognize that I anu piesumably all of
them hau enteieu into a state of nonoiuinaiy ieality
I only became awaie of the change when I iealizeu that theie weie no
othei people on the biiuge 0nly the eight of us hau stoou theie It hau
been a cleai uay but suuuenly the skies became clouuy anu the light of
the miumoining tuineu to uusk I hau been so busy with my feais anu
peisonalistic inteipietations then that I hau faileu to notice the awesome
change
When we ietieateu fiom the biiuge I peiceiveu that othei people
weie again walking aiounu But what hau happeneu to them when we
weie attempting oui ciossing
La Gorda anu the iest of them hau not noticeu anything in fact they
hau not been awaie of any changes until the veiy moment I uesciibeu
them All of them staieu at me with a mixtuie of annoyance anu feai
Pablito again took the leau anu accuseu me of tiying to iailioau them
into something they uiu not want Be was not specific about what that
might be but his eloquence was enough to ially the otheis behinu him
Suuuenly I hau a hoiue of angiy soiceieis on me It took me a long
time to explain my neeu to examine fiom eveiy possible point of view
something so stiange anu engulfing as oui expeiience on the biiuge
They finally calmeu uown not so much because they weie convinceu but
fiom emotional fatigue All of them la Gorda incluueu hau vehemently
suppoiteu Pablitos stanu
Nestoi auvanceu anothei line of ieasoning Be suggesteu that I was
possibly an unwilling envoy who uiu not fully iealize the scope of my
actions Be auueu that he coulu not biing himself to believe as the otheis
uiu that I was awaie that I hau been left with the task of misleauing
them Be felt that I uiu not ieally know that I was leauing them to theii
uestiuction yet I was uoing just that
Be thought that theie weie two ways of ciossing the paiallel lines
one by means of someone elses powei anu the othei by ones own
powei Bis final conclusion was that Silvio Manuel hau maue them cioss
by fiightening them so intensely that some of them uiu not even
iemembei having uone it The task left foi them to accomplish was to
cioss on theii own powei mine was to thwait them
Benigno spoke then Be saiu that in his opinion the last thing uon
Juan uiu to the male appientices was to help us cioss the paiallel lines by
making us jump into an abyss Benigno believeu that we alieauy hau a
gieat ueal of knowleuge about the ciossing but that it was not yet time to
accomplish it again At the biiuge they weie incapable of taking one moie
step because the time was not iight
They weie coiiect theiefoie in believing that I hau tiieu to uestioy
them by foicing them to cioss Be thought that going ovei the paiallel
lines in full awaieness meant a final step foi all of them a step to be
taken only when they weie ieauy to uisappeai fiom this eaith
Lydia faceu me next She uiu not make any assessments but
challengeu me to iemembei how I hau fiist luieu hei to the biiuge She
blatantly stateu that I was not the Nagual Juan Matuss appientice but
Silvio Manuels that Silvio Manuel anu I hau uevouieu each otheis
bouies
I hau anothei attack of iage as with la Gorda on the biiuge I caught
myself in time A logical thought calmeu me I saiu to myself ovei anu
ovei that I was inteiesteu in analyses analyses an investigation of the
component paits of a whole
I explaineu to Lydia that it was useless to taunt me like that She uiu
not want to stop She yelleu that Silvio Manuel was my mastei anu that
this was the ieason I was not pait of them at all Rosa auueu that Silvio
Manuel gave me eveiything I was
I questioneu Rosas choice of woius I tolu hei that she shoulu have
saiu that Silvio Manuel gave me eveiything I hau She uefenueu hei
woiuing Silvio Manuel hau given me what I was Even la Gorda backeu
hei up anu saiu that she iemembeieu a time when I hau gotten so ill that
I hau no iesouices left eveiything in me was exhausteu It was then that
Silvio Manuel hau taken ovei anu pumpeu new life into my bouy
La Gorda saiu that I was inueeu bettei off knowing my tiue oiigins
than pioceeuing as I hau uone so fai on the assumption that it was the
Nagual Juan Matus who hau helpeu me She insisteu that I was fixeu on
the Nagual because of his pieuilection foi woius Silvio Manuel on the
othei hanu was the silent uaikness She explaineu that in oiuei to follow
him I woulu neeu to cioss the paiallel lines But to follow the Nagual
Juan Matus all I neeueu to uo was to talk about him
What they weie saying was nothing but nonsense to me I was about
to make what I thought was a veiy goou point about it when my line of
ieasoning became liteially sciambleu I coulu not think what my point
hau been although only a seconu befoie it was claiity itself
Insteau a most cuiious memoiy beset me It was not a feeling of
something but the actual haiu memoiy of an event I iemembeieu that
once I was with uon Juan anu anothei man whose face I coulu not
iemembei The thiee of us weie talking about something I was
peiceiving as a featuie of the woilu It was thiee oi foui yaius to my iight
anu it was an inconceivable bank of yellowish fog that as fai as I coulu
tell uiviueu the woilu in two
It went fiom the giounu up to the sky to infinity While I talkeu to the
two men the half of the woilu to my left was intact anu the half to my
iight was veileu in fog I iemembeieu that I hau oiienteu myself with the
aiu of lanumaiks anu iealizeu that the axis of the bank of fog went fiom
east to west Eveiything to the noith of that line was the woilu as I knew
it I iemembeieu asking uon Juan what hau happeneu to the woilu south
of the line Bon Juan maue me tuin a few uegiees to my iight anu I saw
that the wall of fog moveu as I tuineu my heau The woilu was uiviueu in
two at a level my intellect coulu not compiehenu The uivision seemeu
ieal but the bounuaiy was not on a physical plane It hau to be somehow
in myself 0i was it
Theie was still one moie facet to this memoiy The othei man saiu
that it was a gieat accomplishment to uiviue the woilu in two but it was
an even gieatei accomplishment when a waiiioi hau the seienity anu
contiol to stop the iotation of that wall Be saiu that the wall was not
insiue us It was ceitainly out in the woilu uiviuing it in two anu iotating
when we moveu oui heaus as if it weie stuck to oui iight temples The
gieat accomplishment of keeping the wall fiom tuining enableu the
waiiioi to face the wall anu gave him the powei to go thiough it anytime
he so uesiieu
When I tolu the appientices what I hau just iemembeieu the women
weie convinceu that the othei man was Silvio Manuel Josefina as a
connoisseui of the wall of fog explaineu that the auvantage Eligio hau
ovei eveiyone else was his capacity to make the wall stanu still so he
coulu go thiough it at will She auueu that it is easiei to pieice the wall of
fog in uieaming because then it uoes not move
La Gorda seemeu to be toucheu by a seiies of peihaps painful
memoiies Bei bouy jumpeu involuntaiily until finally she exploueu into
woius She saiu that it was no longei possible foi hei to ueny the fact that
I was Silvio Manuels helpei
The Nagual himself hau waineu hei that I woulu enslave hei if she
was not caieful Even Soledad hau tolu hei to watch me because my
spiiit took piisoneis anu kept them as seivants a thing only Silvio
Manuel woulu uo Be hau enslaveu me anu I in tuin woulu enslave
anyone who came close to me She asseiteu that she hau liveu unuei my
spell up to the moment she sat in that ioom in Silvio Manuels house
when something was suuuenly lifteu off hei shoulueis
I stoou up anu liteially staggeieu unuei the impact of la Gordas
woius Theie was a vacuum in my stomach I hau been convinceu that I
coulu count on hei foi suppoit unuei any conuitions I felt betiayeu I
thought it woulu be appiopiiate to let them know my feelings but a
sense of sobiiety came to my iescue I tolu them insteau that it hau been
my uispassionate conclusion as a waiiioi that uon Juan hau changeu the
couise of my life foi the bettei I hau assesseu ovei anu ovei what he hau
uone to me anu the conclusion hau always been the same Be hau
biought me fieeuom Fieeuom was all I knew all I coulu biing to anyone
who might come to me
Nestoi maue a gestuie of soliuaiity with me Be exhoiteu the women
to abanuon theii animosity towaiu me Be lookeu at me with the eyes of
one who uoes not unueistanu but wants to Be saiu that I uiu not belong
with them that I was inueeu a solitaiy biiu They hau neeueu me foi a
moment in oiuei to bieak theii bounuaiies of affection anu ioutine Now
that they weie fiee the sky was theii limit To iemain with me woulu
uoubtlessly be pleasant but ueauly foi them
Be seemeu to be ueeply moveu Be came to my siue anu put his hanu
on my shouluei Be saiu that he hau the feeling we weie not going to see
each othei evei again on this eaith Be iegietteu that we weie going to
pait like petty people bickeiing complaining accusing
Be tolu me that speaking on behalf of the otheis but not foi himself
he was going to ask me to leave foi we hau no moie possibilities in being
togethei Be auueu that he hau laugheu at la Gorda foi telling us about
the snake we hau foimeu Be hau changeu his minu anu no longei founu
the iuea iiuiculous It hau been oui last oppoitunity to succeeu as a
gioup
Bon Juan hau taught me to accept my fate in humbleness
The couise of a waiiiois uestiny is unalteiable he once saiu to me
The challenge is how fai he can go within those iigiu bounus how
impeccable he can be within those iigiu bounus If theie aie obstacles in
his path the waiiioi stiives impeccably to oveicome them If he finus
unbeaiable haiuship anu pain on his path he weeps But all his teais put
togethei coulu not move the line of his uestiny the bieauth of one haii
Ny oiiginal uecision to let the powei of that place point out oui next
step hau been coiiect I stoou up The otheis tuineu theii heaus away La
Gorda came to my siue anu saiu as if nothing hau happeneu that I
shoulu leave anu that she woulu catch up with me anu join me at a latei
time I wanteu to ietoit that I saw no ieason foi hei to join me She hau
chosen to join the otheis
She seemeu to ieau my feeling of having been betiayeu She calmly
assuieu me that we hau to fulfill oui fate togethei as waiiiois anu not as
the petty people we weie
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait two Losing the Buman
Foim
veision
The Eagles uift by Carlos Castaneda Pait two The Ait of
Bieaming
Losing the Buman Foim
A few months latei aftei helping eveiyone to iesettle in uiffeient
paits of Nexico la Gorda took up iesiuence in Arizona We began then
to uniavel the stiangest anu most engulfing pait of oui appienticeship
At fiist oui ielationship was iathei stiaineu It was veiy uifficult foi
me to oveicome my feelings about the way we hau paiteu in the Alameua
Paik Although la Gorda knew the wheieabouts of the otheis she nevei
saiu anything to me She felt that it woulu have been supeifluous
supeifluous seiving no useful puipose foi me to know about theii
activities
0n the suiface eveiything seemeu to be all iight between la Gorda
anu me Neveitheless I helu a bittei iesentment towaiu hei foi siuing
with the otheis against me I uiu not expiess it but it was always theie I
helpeu hei anu uiu eveiything foi hei as if nothing hau happeneu but
that enteieu unuei the heauing of impeccability It was my uuty To fulfill
that uuty I woulu have glauly gone to my ueath I puiposely absoibeu
myself in guiuing anu coaching hei in the intiicacies of mouein city
living She was even leaining English Bei piogiess was phenomenal
phenomenal exceeuingly oi unbelievably gieat
Thiee months went by almost unnoticeu But one uay while I was in
Los Angeles I woke up in the eaily moining houis with an unbeaiable
piessuie in my heau It was not a heauache It was iathei a veiy intense
weight in my eais I felt it also on my eyelius anu the ioof of my mouth I
knew I was feveiish but the heat was only in my heau I maue a feeble
attempt to sit up The thought ciosseu my minu that I was having a
stioke Ny fiist ieaction was to call foi help but somehow I calmeu uown
anu tiieu to let go of my feai
Aftei a while the piessuie in my heau began to uiminish but it also
began to shift to my thioat I gaspeu foi aii gagging anu coughing foi
some time The piessuie moveu slowly to my chest then to my stomach
to my gioin to my legs anu to my feet befoie it finally left my bouy
Whatevei hau happeneu to me hau taken about two houis to unfolu
Buiing the couise of those two giueling houis it was as if something
insiue my bouy was actually moving uownwaiu moving out of me I
fancieu it to be iolling up like a caipet Anothei image that occuiieu to
me was of a blob moving insiue the cavity of my bouy
I uiscaiueu that image in favoi of the fiist because the feeling was of
something being coileu within itself }ust like a caipet being iolleu up it
became heaviei anu thus moie painful as it went uown The two aieas
wheie the pain became exciuciating weie my knees anu my feet
especially my iight foot which iemaineu hot foi thiityfive minutes aftei
all the pain anu piessuie hau vanisheu
La Gorda upon heaiing my iepoit saiu that this time foi ceitain I
hau lost my human foim that I hau uioppeu all my shielus oi most of
them She was iight Without knowing how oi even iealizing what hau
happeneu I founu myself in a most unfamiliai state I felt uetacheu
unbiaseu
It uiu not mattei what la Gorda hau uone to me It was not that I hau
foigiven hei foi hei iepioachable behavioi with me It was as if theie hau
nevei been any betiayal Theie was no oveit oi coveit iancoi left in me
foi la Gorda oi foi anyone else
What I felt was not a willeu inuiffeience noi negligence to act
Neithei was it alienation noi even the uesiie to be alone Rathei it was
an alien feeling of aloofness a capability of immeising myself in the
moment anu of having no thoughts whatevei about anything else
Peoples actions no longei affecteu me because I hau no moie
expectations of any kinu A stiange peace became the iuling foice in my
life I felt I hau somehow auopteu one of the concepts of a waiiiois life
uetachment
La Gorda saiu that I hau uone moie than auopt it I hau actually
embouieu it
Bon Juan anu I hau hau long uiscussions on the possibility that
someuay I woulu uo just that Be hau saiu that uetachment uiu not
automatically mean wisuom but that it was nonetheless an auvantage
because it alloweu the waiiioi to pause momentaiily to ieassess
situations to ieconsiuei positions In oiuei to use that extia moment
consistently anu coiiectly howevei he saiu that a waiiioi hau to
stiuggle unyieluingly foi a lifetime
I hau uespaiieu that I woulu nevei expeiience that feeling As fai as I
coulu ueteimine theie was no way to impiovise it It hau been useless
foi me to think about its benefits oi to ieason out the possibilities of its
auvent auvent an aiiival that has been awaiteu especially of
something momentous
Buiing the yeais I hau known uon Juan I ceitainly expeiienceu a
steauy lessening of peisonal ties with the woilu but that hau taken place
on an intellectual plane In my eveiyuay life I was unchangeu until the
moment I lost my human foim
I speculateu with la Gorda that the concept of losing the human foim
iefeis to a bouily conuition that besets the appientice upon his ieaching
a ceitain thiesholu in the couise of tiaining
Be that as it may the enu iesult of losing the human foim foi la
Gorda anu myself ouuly enough was not only the soughtaftei anu
coveteu sense of uetachment but also the fulfillment of oui elusive task
of iemembeiing
Anu again in this case the intellect playeu a minimal pait
0ne night la Gorda anu I weie uiscussing a movie She hau gone to
see an Xiateu movie anu I was eagei to heai hei uesciiption of it She
hau not likeu it at all She maintaineu that it was a weakening expeiience
because being a waiiioi entaileu leauing an austeie austeie seveiely
simple stein oi stiict in beaiing oi uemeanoui life in total celibacy
celibacy abstaining fiom sexual ielations like the Nagual Juan Matus
I tolu hei that I knew foi a fact that uon Juan likeu women anu was
not celibate anu that I founu that uelightful
Youre insane she exclaimeu with a tinge of amusement in hei
voice The Nagual was a peifect waiiioi Be was not caught up in any
webs of sensuality
She wanteu to know why I thought uon Juan was not celibate I tolu
hei about an inciuent that hau taken place in Arizona at the beginning of
my appienticeship
I hau been iesting at uon Juans house one uay aftei an exhausting
hike Bon Juan appeaieu to be stiangely neivous Be kept getting up to
look out the uooi Be seemeu to be waiting foi someone
Then quite abiuptly he tolu me that a cai hau just come aiounu the
benu in the ioau anu was heauing foi the house Be saiu that it was a
giil a fiienu of his who was biinging him some blankets I hau nevei seen
uon Juan embaiiasseu anu I felt teiiibly sau to see him so upset that he
uiu not know what to uo
I thought that he uiu not want me to meet the giil I suggesteu that I
might hiue but theie was no place to conceal myself in the ioom So he
maue me lie uown on the flooi anu coveieu me with a stiaw mat I heaiu
the sounu of a cai motoi being tuineu off anu then thiough the slits in
the mat I saw a giil stanuing at the uooi She was tall slenuei anu veiy
young I thought she was beautiful Bon Juan was saying something to
hei in a low intimate voice Then he tuineu anu pointeu at me
Carlos is hiuing unuei the mat he saiu to the giil in a louu cleai
voice Say hello to him
The giil waveu at me anu saiu hello with the fiienuliest smile I felt
stupiu anu angiy at uon Juan foi putting me in that embaiiassing
position It seemeu obvious to me that he was tiying to alleviate his
neivousness oi even woise that he was showing off in fiont of me
When the giil left I angiily askeu foi an explanation Be canuiuly saiu
that he hau gotten caiiieu away because my feet weie showing anu he
uiu not know what else to uo When I heaiu this his whole maneuvei
became cleai Be hau been showing off his young fiienu to me I coulu not
possibly have hau my feet uncoveieu because they weie tuckeu unuei
my thighs I laugheu knowingly anu uon Juan seemeu obligateu to
explain that he likeu women especially that giil
I nevei foigot the inciuent Bon Juan nevei uiscusseu it anu
whenevei I biought it up he always maue me stop I wonueieu almost
obsessively about that young woman I hau hopes that someuay she
might look me up aftei ieauing my books
La Gorda hau become veiy agitateu She was pacing back anu foith in
the ioom while I talkeu She was about to weep I imagineu all soits of
intiicate netwoiks of ielationships that might be at stake I thought la
Gorda was possessive anu was ieacting like a woman thieateneu by
anothei woman
Aie you jealous Gorda I askeu
Bont be stupiu she saiu angiily Im a foimless waiiioi Ive no
envy oi jealousy left in me
I biought up something that the Genaros hau tolu me that la Gorda
was the Naguals woman Bei voice became baiely auuible
I think I was she saiu anu with a vague look she sat on hei beu I
have a feeling that I was I uont know how though In this life the Nagual
Juan Matus was to me what he was to you Be was not a man Be was the
Nagual Be hau no inteiest in sex
I assuieu hei that I hau heaiu uon Juan expiess his liking foi that giil
Biu he say that he hau sex with hei la Gorda askeu
No he didnt but it was obvious fiom the way he talkeu I saiu
You woulu like the Nagual to be like you wouldnt you she askeu
with a sneei The Nagual was an impeccable waiiioi
I thought I was iight anu uiu not neeu to ieview my opinion }ust to
humoi la Gorda I saiu that peihaps the young woman was if not his
mistiess uon Juans appientice
Theie was a long pause What I hau saiu hau a uistuibing effect on
me 0ntil that moment I hau nevei thought about such a possibility I hau
been lockeu into a piejuugment allowing myself no ioom foi ievision
La Gorda askeu me to uesciibe the young woman I coulu not uo it I
hau not ieally lookeu at hei featuies I hau been too annoyeu too
embaiiasseu to examine hei in uetail The young woman also seemeu to
have been stiuck by the awkwaiuness of the situation anu she hau
huiiieu out of the house
La Gorda saiu that without any logical ieason she felt that the young
woman was a key figuie in the Naguals life Bei statement leu us to
talking about uon Juans known fiienus We stiuggleu foi houis tiying to
piece togethei all the infoimation we hau about his associates I tolu hei
about the uiffeient times uon Juan hau taken me to paiticipate in peyote
ceiemonies I uesciibeu eveiyone who was theie She iecognizeu none of
them I iealizeu then that I might know moie people associateu with uon
Juan than she uiu
But something I hau saiu tiiggeieu hei iecollection of a time when
she hau seen a young woman uiiving the Nagual anu Genaro in a small
white cai The woman let the two men off at the uooi of la Gordas
house anu she staieu at la Gorda befoie she uiove away La Gorda
thought that the young woman was someone who hau given the Nagual
anu Genaro a lift I iemembeieu then that I hau gotten up fiom unuei the
stiaw mat at uon Juans house just in time to see a white Volkswagen
uiiving away
I mentioneu one moie inciuent involving anothei of uon Juans
fiienus a man who hau given me some peyote plants once in the maiket
of a city in noithein Nexico Be hau also obsesseu me foi yeais Bis name
was Vicente
0pon heaiing that name la Gordas bouy ieacteu as if a neive hau
been toucheu Bei voice became shiill She askeu me to iepeat the name
anu uesciibe the man Again I coulu not come up with any uesciiption I
hau seen the man only once foi a few minutes moie than ten yeais
befoie
La Gorda anu I went thiough a peiiou of almost being angiy not at
one anothei but at whatevei was keeping us impiisoneu
The final inciuent that piecipitateu oui fullfleugeu iemembeiing
came one uay when I hau a colu anu was iunning a high fevei I hau
stayeu in beu uozing off anu on with thoughts iambling aimlessly in my
minu The melouy of an olu Nexican song hau been iunning thiough my
heau all uay
At one moment I was uieaming that someone was playing it on a
guitai I complaineu about the monotony of it anu whoevei I was
piotesting to thiust the guitai towaiu my stomach I jumpeu back to
avoiu being hit anu bumpeu my heau on the wall I woke up then
It hau not been a viviu uieam 0nly the tune hau been haunting I
coulu not uispel the sounu of the guitai It kept iunning thiough my
minu I iemaineu half awake listening to the tune It seemeu as if I weie
enteiing into a state of uieaming
Then a complete anu uetaileu uieaming scene appeaieu in fiont of
my eyes In the scene theie was a young woman sitting next to me I
coulu uistinguish eveiy uetail of hei featuies I uiu not know who she
was but seeing hei shockeu me
I was fully awake in one instant The anxiety that hei face cieateu in
me was so intense that I got up anu quite automatically I began to pace
back anu foith I was peispiiing piofusely anu I uieaueu to leave my
ioom I coulu not call la Gorda foi help eithei She hau gone back to
Nexico foi a few uays to see Josefina I tieu a sheet aiounu my waist to
biace my miusection It helpeu to subuue some iipples of neivous eneigy
that went thiough me
As I paceu back anu foith the image in my minu began to uissolve
not into peaceful oblivion as I woulu have likeu but into an intiicate full
fleugeu memoiy
I iemembeieu that one time I hau been sitting on some sacks of
wheat oi bailey stackeu up in a giain bin The young woman was singing
the olu Nexican song that hau been iunning in my minu while she playeu
a guitai When I jokeu about hei playing she nuugeu me in the iibs with
the butt of the guitai Theie hau been othei people sitting with me la
Gorda anu two men I knew those men veiy well but I still coulu not
iemembei who the young woman was I tiieu but it seemeu hopeless
I lay uown again uiencheu in a colu sweat I wanteu to iest foi a
moment befoie I got out of my soakeu pajamas As I iesteu my heau on a
high pillow my memoiy seemeu to cleai up fuithei anu then I knew who
the guitai playei was She was the Nagual woman the most impoitant
being on eaith foi la Gorda anu myself She was the feminine analogue
analogue somrthing equivalent in some iespects though otheiwise
uissimilai of the Nagual man not his wife oi his woman but his
counteipait She hau the seienity anu commanu of a tiue leauei Being a
woman she nuituieu us
I uiu not uaie to push my memoiy too fai I knew intuitively that I uiu
not have the stiength to withstanu the full iecollection I stoppeu on the
level of abstiact feelings I knew that she was the embouiment of the
puiest most unbiaseu anu piofounu affection It woulu be most
appiopiiate to say that la Gorda anu I loveu the Nagual woman moie
than life itself What on eaith hau happeneu to us to have foigotten hei
That night lying on my beu I became so agitateu that I feaieu foi my
veiy life I began to chant some woius which became a guiuing foice to
me 0nly when I hau calmeu uown uiu I iemembei that the woius I hau
saiu to myself ovei anu ovei weie also a memoiy that hau come back to
me that night the memoiy of a foimula an incantation to pull me
thiough an upheaval such as the one I hau expeiienceu
I am alieauy given to the powei that iules my fate
Anu I cling to nothing so I will have nothing to uefenu
I have no thoughts so I will see
I feai nothing so I will iemembei myself
The foimula hau one moie line which at the time was
incompiehensible to me
Betacheu anu at ease I will uait past the Eagle to be fiee
Being sick anu feveiish may have seiveu as a cushion of soits It may
have been enough to ueviate the main impact of what I hau uone oi
iathei of what hau come upon me since I hau not intentionally uone
anything
0p to that night if my inventoiy of expeiience hau been examineu I
coulu have accounteu foi the continuity of my existence The nebulous
nebulous lacking uefinite foim oi limits memoiies I hau of la Gorda oi
the piesentiment piesentiment a feeling of evil to come of having
liveu in that house in the mountains of cential Nexico weie in a way ieal
thieats to the iuea of my continuity
But those memoiies weie nothing in compaiison to iemembeiing the
Nagual woman not so much because of the emotions that the memoiy
itself biought back but because I hau foigotten hei anu not as one
foigets a name oi a tune
Theie hau been nothing about hei in my minu piioi to that moment
of ievelation Nothing Anu then something hau come upon me oi
something hau fallen off me anu I founu myself iemembeiing hei a most
impoitant being who fiom the point of view of my expeiiential self piioi
to that moment I hau nevei met
I hau to wait two moie uays foi la Gordas ietuin befoie I coulu tell
hei about my iecollection The moment I uesciibeu the Nagual woman
la Gorda iemembeieu hei La Gordas awaieness was somehow
uepenuent on mine
The giil I saw in the white cai was the Nagual woman la Gorda
exclaimeu She came back to me anu I couldnt iemembei hei
I heaiu the woius anu unueistoou theii meaning but it took a long
time foi my minu to focus on what she hau saiu Ny attention waveieu It
was as if a light was actually placeu in fiont of my eyes anu was being
uimmeu I hau the notion that if I uiu not stop the uimming I woulu uie
Suuuenly I felt a convulsion anu I knew that I hau put togethei two pieces
of myself that hau become sepaiateu I iealizeu that the young woman I
hau seen at uon Juans house was the Nagual woman
In that moment of emotional upheaval la Gorda was no help to me
Bei moou was contagious She was weeping without iestiaint The
emotional shock of iemembeiing the Nagual woman hau been tiaumatic
to hei
Bow coulu I have foigotten hei la Gorda sigheu
I caught a glint of suspicion in hei eyes as she faceu me
You hau no iuea that she existeu uiu you she askeu
0nuei any othei conuitions I woulu have thought that hei question
was impeitinent anu insulting but I was wonueiing the same about hei
It hau occuiieu to me that she might have known moie than she was
ievealing
No I didnt I saiu But how about you Gorda Biu you know that
she existeu
Bei face hau such a look of innocence anu peiplexity that my uoubts
weie uispelleu
No she ieplieu Not until touay I know now foi a fact that I useu to
sit with hei anu the Nagual Juan Matus on that bench in the plaza in
Oaxaca I always iemembeieu having uone that anu I iemembeieu hei
featuies but I thought I hau uieameu it all I knew eveiything anu yet I
didnt But why uiu I think it was a uieam
I hau a moment of panic Then I hau the peifect physical ceitainty
that as she spoke a channel openeu somewheie in my bouy Suuuenly I
knew that I also useu to sit on that bench with uon Juan anu the Nagual
woman
I iemembeieu then a sensation I hau expeiienceu on eveiy one of
those occasions It was a sense of physical contentment happiness anu
plenituue that woulu be impossible to imagine I thought that uon Juan
anu the Nagual woman weie peifect beings anu that to be in theii
company was inueeu my gieat foitune
Sitting on that bench flankeu by the most exquisite beings on eaith I
expeiienceu peihaps the epitome of my human sentiments 0ne time I
tolu uon Juan anu I meant it that I wanteu to uie then so as to keep that
feeling puie intact anu fiee fiom uisiuption
I tolu la Gorda about my memoiy She saiu that she unueistoou what
I meant We weie quiet foi a moment anu then the thiust of oui
iemembeiing swayeu us uangeiously towaiu sauness even uespaii I
hau to exeit the most extiaoiuinaiy contiol ovei my emotions not to
weep La Gorda was sobbing coveiing hei face with hei foieaim
Aftei a while we became moie calm La Gorda staieu into my eyes I
knew what she was thinking It was as if I coulu ieau hei questions in hei
eyes They weie the same questions that hau obsesseu me foi uays Who
was the Nagual woman Wheie hau we met hei Wheie uiu she fit Biu
the otheis know hei too
I was just about to voice my questions when la Gorda inteiiupteu
me
I ieally uont know she saiu quickly beating me to the question I
was counting on you to tell me I uont know why but I feel that you can
tell me whats what
She was counting on me anu I was counting on hei We laugheu at
the iiony of oui situation I askeu hei to tell me eveiything she
iemembeieu about the Nagual woman La Gorda maue effoits to say
something two oi thiee times but seemeu to be unable to oiganize hei
thoughts
I ieally uont know wheie to stait she saiu I only know that I
loveu hei
I tolu hei that I hau the same feeling An uneaithly sauness giippeu
me eveiy time I thought of the Nagual woman As I was talking my bouy
began to shake
You anu I loveu hei la Gorda saiu I uont know why Im saying
this but I know that she owneu us
I piouueu hei to explain that statement She coulu not ueteimine why
she hau saiu it She was talking neivously elaboiating on hei feelings I
coulu no longei pay attention to hei I felt a flutteiing in my solai plexus
A vague memoiy of the Nagual woman staiteu to foim I uigeu la Gorda
to keep on talking to iepeat heiself if she hau nothing else to say but not
to stop The sounu of hei voice seemeu to act foi me as a conuuit into
anothei uimension anothei kinu of time
It was as if bloou was iushing thiough my bouy with an unusual
piessuie I felt a piickling all ovei anu then I hau an ouu bouily memoiy
I knew in my bouy that the Nagual woman was the being who maue the
Nagual complete She biought to the Nagual peace plenituue anu a
sense of being piotecteu anu ueliveieu
I tolu la Gorda that I hau the insight that the Nagual woman was uon
Juans paitnei La Gorda lookeu at me aghast She slowly shook hei heau
fiom siue to siue
She hau nothing to uo with the Nagual Juan Matus you iuiot she
saiu with a tone of ultimate authoiity She was foi you Thats why you
anu I belongeu to hei
La Gorda anu I staieu into each otheis eyes I was ceitain that she
was involuntaiily voicing thoughts which iationally uiu not mean
anything to hei
What uo you mean she was foi me Gorda I askeu aftei a long
silence
She was youi paitnei she saiu You two weie a team anu I was
hei waiu anu she entiusteu you to uelivei me to hei someuay
I beggeu la Gorda to tell me all she knew but she uiu not seem to
know anything else I felt exhausteu
Wheie uiu she go la Gorda saiu suuuenly I just cant figuie that
out She was with you not with the Nagual She shoulu be heie with us
now
She hau then anothei attack of uisbelief anu feai She accuseu me of
hiuing the Nagual woman in Los Angeles I tiieu to ease hei
appiehensions I suipiiseu myself by talking to la Gorda as if she weie a
chilu
She listeneu to me with all the outwaiu signs of complete attention
Bei eyes howevei weie vacant out of focus It occuiieu to me then that
she was using the sounu of my voice just as I hau useu heis as a conuuit
I knew that she was also awaie of it
I kept on talking until I hau iun out of things to say within the bounus
of oui topic Something else took place then anu I founu myself half
listening to the sounu of my own voice I was talking to la Gorda without
any volition on my pait Woius that seemeu to have been bottleu up
insiue me now fiee ieacheu inuesciibable levels of absuiuity I talkeu
anu talkeu until something maue me stop
I hau iemembeieu that uon Juan tolu the Nagual woman anu me
while we weie on that bench in Oaxaca about a paiticulai human being
whose piesence hau synthesizeu foi him all that he coulu aspiie oi
expect fiom human companionship It was a woman who hau been foi
him what the Nagual woman was foi me a paitnei a counteipait She
left him just as the Nagual woman left me Bis feelings foi hei weie
unchangeu anu weie iekinuleu by the melancholy that ceitain poems
evokeu in him
I also iemembeieu that it was the Nagual woman who useu to supply
me with books of poetiy She kept stacks of them in the tiunk of hei cai
It was at hei instigation instigation the veibal act of uiging on that I
ieau poems to uon Juan
Suuuenly the physical memoiy of the Nagual woman sitting with me
on that bench was so cleai that I took an involuntaiy gasp of aii Ny chest
swelleu An oppiessive sense of loss gieatei than any feeling I hau evei
hau took possession of me I bent ovei with a iipping pain in my iight
shouluei blaue Theie was something else I knew a memoiy which pait
of me uiu not want to ielease
I became involveu with whatevei was left of my shielu of
intellectuality as the only means to iecovei my equanimity I saiu to
myself ovei anu ovei that la Gorda anu I hau been opeiating all along on
two absolutely uiffeient planes She iemembeieu a gieat ueal moie than I
uiu but she was not inquisitive She hau not been tiaineu to ask
questions of otheis oi of heiself
But then the thought stiuck me that I was no bettei off I was still as
sloppy as uon Juan hau once saiu I was I hau nevei foigotten ieauing
poetiy to uon Juan anu yet it hau nevei occuiieu to me to examine the
fact that I hau nevei owneu a book of Spanish poetiy noi uiu I evei caiiy
one in my cai
La Gorda biought me out of my ruminations ruminations calm
lengthy anu intense mental consiueiations She was almost hysteiical
She shouteu that she hau just figuieu out that the Nagual woman hau to
be somewheie veiy neai us }ust as we hau been left to finu one anothei
the Nagual woman hau been left to finu us
The foice of hei ieasoning almost convinceu me Something in me
knew neveitheless that it was not so In fact that was the memoiy that
was insiue me which I uiu not uaie to biing out
I wanteu to stait a uebate with la Gorda but theie was no ieason Ny
shielu of intellect anu woius was insufficient to absoib the impact of
iemembeiing the Nagual woman Its effect was staggeiing to me moie
uevastating than even the feai of uying
The Nagual woman is shipwieckeu somewheie la Gorda saiu
meekly Shes piobably maiooneu anu were uoing nothing to help hei
No No I yelleu Shes not heie any moie I uiu not exactly know
why I hau saiu that yet I knew that it was tiue We sank foi a moment
into uepths of melancholy that woulu be impossible to fathom iationally
Foi the fiist time in the memoiy of the me I know I felt a tiue bounuless
sauness a uieauful incompleteness Theie was a wounu somewheie in
me that hau been openeu again
This time I coulu not take iefuge as I hau uone so many times in the
past behinu a veil of mysteiy anu not knowing Not to know hau been
bliss to me Foi a moment I was uangeiously sliuing into uesponuency
La Gorda stoppeu me
A waiiioi is someone who seeks fieeuom she saiu in my eai
Sauness is not fieeuom We must snap out of it
Baving a sense of uetachment as uon Juan hau saiu entails having a
moments pause to ieassess situations At the uepth of my sauness I
unueistoou what he meant I hau the uetachment It was up to me to
stiive to use that pause coiiectly
I coulu not be suie whethei oi not my volition volition he
capability of conscious choice anu intention playeu a iole but all of a
suuuen my sauness vanisheu It was as if it hau nevei existeu The speeu
of my change of moou anu its thoioughness alaimeu me
Now you aie wheie I am la Gorda exclaimeu when I uesciibeu
what hau happeneu Aftei all these yeais I still havent leaineu how to
hanule foimlessness I shift helplessly fiom one feeling to anothei in one
instant Because of my foimlessness I coulu help the little sisteis but I
was also at theii meicy Any one of them was stiong enough to make me
sway fiom one extieme to the othei
The pioblem was that I lost my human foim befoie you uiu If you
anu I hau lost it togethei we coulu have helpeu each othei As it was I
went up anu uown fastei than I caie to iemembei
I hau to aumit that hei claim of being foimless hau always seemeu
spuiious spuiious plausible but false intenueu to ueceive to me In
my unueistanuing losing the human foim incluueu a necessaiy
concomitant concomitant an event oi situation that happens at the
same time as oi in connection with anothei namely a consistency of
chaiactei which was in light of hei emotional ups anu uowns beyonu
hei ieach
0n account of that I hau juugeu hei haishly anu unjustly Baving lost
my human foim I was now in a position to unueistanu that foimlessness
is if anything a uetiiment to sobiiety anu levelheaueuness Theie is no
automatic emotional stiength involveu in it An aspect of being uetacheu
the capacity to become immeiseu in whatevei one is uoing natuially
extenus to eveiything one uoes incluuing being inconsistent anu
outiight petty The auvantage of being foimless is that it allows us a
moments pause pioviuing that we have the selfuiscipline anu couiage
to utilize it
At last la Gordas past behavioi became compiehensible to me She
hau been foimless foi yeais but without the selfuiscipline iequiieu
Thus she hau been at the meicy of uiastic shifts of moou anu incieuible
uisciepancies between hei actions anu hei puiposes
Aftei oui initial iecollection of the Nagual woman la Gorda anu I
summoneu all oui foices anu tiieu foi uays to elicit moie memoiies but
theie seemeu to be none I myself was back wheie I hau been befoie I
hau begun to iemembei I intuiteu that theie shoulu be a gieat ueal moie
somehow buiieu in me but I coulu not get to it Ny minu was voiu of
even the vaguest inkling of any othei memoiies
La Gorda anu I went thiough a peiiou of tiemenuous confusion anu
uoubt In oui case being foimless meant to be iavageu by the woist
uistiust imaginable We felt that we weie guinea pigs in the hanus of uon
Juan a being supposeuly familiai to us but about whom in ieality we
knew nothing
We fueleu each othei with uoubts anu feais The most seiious issue
was of couise the Nagual woman When we woulu focus oui attention on
hei oui memoiy of hei became so keen that it was past compiehension
that we coulu have foigotten hei
This woulu give iise ovei anu ovei to speculations of what uon Juan
hau ieally uone to us These conjectuies leu veiy easily to the feeling that
we hau been useu We became eniageu by the unavoiuable conclusion
that he hau manipulateu us anu hau ienueieu us helpless anu unknown
to ouiselves
When oui iage was exhausteu feai began to loom ovei us foi we
weie faceu with the awesome possibility that uon Juan might have uone
still moie ueleteiious ueleteiious haimful to living things things to
us
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait two Bieaming Togethei
veision
Bieaming
Bieaming Togethei
0ne uay in oiuei to alleviate oui uistiess momentaiily I suggesteu
that we immeise ouiselves in uieaming As soon as I voiceu my
suggestion I became awaie that a gloom which hau been haunting me foi
uays coulu be uiastically alteieu by willing the change I cleaily
unueistoou then that the pioblem with la Gorda anu myself hau been
that we hau unwittingly focuseu on feai anu uistiust as if those weie the
only possible options available to us while all along we hau hau without
consciously knowing it the alteinative of uelibeiately centeiing oui
attention on the opposite the mysteiy the wonuei of what hau
happeneu to us
I tolu la Gorda my iealization She agieeu immeuiately She became
instantly animateu the pall of hei gloom uispelleu in a mattei of seconus
What kinu of uieaming uo you piopose we shoulu uo she askeu
Bow many kinus aie theie I askeu
We coulu uo uieaming togethei she ieplieu Ny bouy tells me that
we have uone this alieauy We have gone into uieaming as a team Itll be
a cinch foi us as it was foi us to see togethei
But we uont know what the pioceuuie is to uo uieaming togethei I
saiu
We didnt know how to see togethei anu yet we saw she saiu Im
suie that if we tiy we can uo it because theie aie no steps to anything a
waiiioi uoes Theie is only peisonal powei Anu iight now we have it
We shoulu stait out uieaming fiom two uiffeient places as fai away
as possible fiom each othei The one who goes into uieaming fiist waits
foi the othei 0nce we finu each othei we inteilock oui aims anu go
ueepei in togethei
I tolu hei that I hau no iuea how to wait foi hei if I went into
uieaming aheau of hei She heiself coulu not explain what was involveu
but she saiu that to wait foi the othei uieamei was what Josefina hau
uesciibeu as snatching them La Gorda hau been snatcheu by Josefina
twice
The ieason Josefina calleu it snatching was because one of us hau to
giab the othei by the aim she explaineu
She uemonstiateu then a pioceuuie of inteilocking hei left foieaim
with my iight foieaim by each of us giabbing holu of the aiea below each
otheis elbows
Bow can we uo that in uieaming I askeu
I peisonally consiueieu uieaming one of the most piivate states
imaginable
I uont know how but Ill giab you la Gorda saiu I think my bouy
knows how The moie we talk about it though the moie uifficult it seems
to be
We staiteu off oui uieaming fiom two uistant locations We coulu
agiee only on the time to lie uown since the entiance into uieaming was
something impossible to pieaiiange The foieseeable possibility that I
might have to wait foi la Gorda gave me a gieat ueal of anxiety anu I
coulu not entei into uieaming with my customaiy ease
Aftei some ten to fifteen minutes of iestlessness I finally succeeueu in
going into a state I call iestful vigil
Yeais befoie when I hau acquiieu a uegiee of expeiience in
uieaming I hau askeu uon Juan if theie weie any known steps which
weie common to all of us Be hau tolu me that in the final analysis eveiy
uieamei was uiffeient
But in talking with la Gorda I uiscoveieu such similaiities in oui
expeiiences of uieaming that I ventuieu a possible classificatoiy scheme
of the uiffeient stages
Restful vigil is the pieliminaiy state a state in which the senses
become uoimant anu yet one is awaie In my case I hau always peiceiveu
in this state a floou of ieuuish light a light exactly like what one sees
facing the sun with the eyelius tightly closeu
The seconu state of uieaming I calleu uynamic vigil In this state the
ieuuish light uissipates as fog uissipates anu one is left looking at a
scene a tableau of soits which is static 0ne sees a thieeuimensional
pictuie a fiozen bit of something a lanuscape a stieet a house a peison
a face oi anything
I calleu the thiiu state passive witnessing In it the uieamei is no
longei viewing a fiozen bit of the woilu but is obseiving eyewitnessing
an event as it occuis It is as if the piimacy of the visual anu auuitoiy
senses makes this state of uieaming mainly an affaii of the eyes anu eais
The fouith state was the one in which I was uiawn to act In it one is
compelleu to enteipiise to take steps to make the most of ones time I
calleu this state uynamic initiative
La Gordas pioposition of waiting foi me hau to uo with affecting the
seconu anu thiiu states of oui uieaming togethei When I enteieu into
the seconu state uynamic vigil I saw a uieaming scene of uon Juan anu
vaiious othei peisons incluuing a fat Gorda
Befoie I even hau time to consiuei what I was viewing I felt a
tiemenuous pull on my aim anu I iealizeu that the ieal Gorda was by
my siue She was to my left anu hau giippeu my iight foieaim with hei
left hanu I cleaily felt hei lifting my hanu to hei foieaim so that we weie
giipping each otheis foieaims
Next I founu myself in the thiiu state of uieaming passive
witnessing Bon Juan was telling me that I hau to look aftei la Gorda anu
take caie of hei in a most selfish fashion that is as if she weie my own
self
Bis play on woius uelighteu me I felt an uneaithly happiness in being
theie with him anu the otheis Bon Juan went on explaining that my
selfishness coulu be put to a gianu use anu that to hainess it was not
impossible
Theie was a geneial feeling of comiaueship the quality of easy
familiaiity anu sociability among all the people gatheieu theie They
weie laughing at what uon Juan was saying to me but without making
fun
Bon Juan saiu that the suiest way to hainess selfishness was thiough
the uaily activities of oui lives that I was efficient in whatevei I uiu
because I hau no one to bug the uevil out of me anu that it was no
challenge to me to soai like an aiiow by myself If I weie given the task of
taking caie of la Gorda howevei my inuepenuent effectiveness woulu
go to pieces anu in oiuei to suivive I woulu have to extenu my selfish
concein foi myself to incluue la Gorda 0nly thiough helping hei uon
Juan was saying in the most emphatic tone woulu I finu the clues foi the
fulfillment of my tiue task
La Gorda put hei fat aims aiounu my neck Bon Juan hau to stop
talking Be was laughing so haiu he coulu not go on All of them weie
ioaiing
I felt embaiiasseu anu annoyeu with la Gorda I tiieu to get out of hei
embiace but hei aims weie tightly fasteneu aiounu my neck Bon Juan
maue a sign with his hanus to make me stop Be saiu that the minimal
embaiiassment I was expeiiencing then was nothing in compaiison with
what was in stoie foi me
The sounu of laughtei was ueafening I felt veiy happy although I was
woiiieu about having to ueal with la Gorda foi I uiu not know what it
woulu entail
At that moment in my uieaming I changeu my point of view oi
iathei something pulleu me out of the scene anu I began to look aiounu
as a spectatoi We weie in a house in noithein Nexico I coulu tell by the
suiiounuings which weie paitially visible fiom wheie I stoou I coulu see
the mountains in the uistance I also iemembeieu the paiapheinalia of
the house
We weie at the back unuei a ioofeu open poich Some of the people
weie sitting on some bulky chaiis Nost of them howevei weie eithei
stanuing oi sitting on the flooi I iecognizeu eveiy one of them Theie
weie sixteen people La Gorda was stanuing by my siue facing uon Juan
I became awaie that I coulu have two uiffeient feelings at the same
time I coulu eithei go into the uieaming scene anu feel that I was
iecoveiing a longlost sentiment oi I coulu witness the scene with the
moou that was cuiient in my life When I plungeu into the uieaming
scene I felt secuie anu piotecteu When I witnesseu it with my cuiient
moou I felt lost insecuie anu anguisheu I uiu not like my cuiient moou
so I plungeu into my uieaming scene
A fat Gorda askeu uon Juan in a voice which coulu be heaiu above
eveiyones laughtei if I was going to be hei husbanu Theie was a
moments silence Bon Juan seemeu to be calculating what to say
Be patteu hei on the heau anu saiu that he coulu speak foi me anu
saiu that I woulu be uelighteu to be hei husbanu People weie laughing
iiotously I laugheu with them Ny bouy convulseu with a most genuine
enjoyment yet I uiu not feel I was laughing at la Gorda I uiu not iegaiu
hei as a clown oi as stupiu She was a chilu
Bon Juan tuineu to me anu saiu that I hau to honoi la Gorda
iegaiuless of what she uiu to me anu that I hau to tiain my bouy thiough
my inteiaction with hei to feel at ease in the face of the most tiying
situations Bon Juan auuiesseu the whole gioup anu saiu that it was
much easiei to faie well unuei conuitions of maximum stiess such as in
the inteiplay with someone like la Gorda than to be impeccable unuei
noimal ciicumstances Bon Juan auueu that I coulu not unuei any
ciicumstances get angiy with la Gorda because she was inueeu my
benefactiess 0nly thiough hei woulu I be capable of hainessing my
selfishness
I hau become so thoioughly immeiseu in the uieaming scene that I
hau foigotten I was a uieamei A suuuen piessuie on my aim ieminueu
me that I was uieaming I felt la Gordas piesence next to me but
without seeing hei
She was theie only as a touch a tactile sensation on my foieaim I
focuseu my attention on it It felt like a soliu giip on me anu then la
Gorda as a whole peison mateiializeu as if she weie maue of
supeiimposeu fiames of photogiaphic film It was like tiick photogiaphy
in a movie The uieaming scene uissolveu Insteau la Gorda anu I weie
looking at each othei with oui foieaims inteilockeu
In unison we again focuseu oui attention on the uieaming scene we
hau been witnessing At that moment I knew beyonu the shauow of a
uoubt that both of us hau been viewing the same thing
Now uon Juan was saying something to la Gorda but I coulu not heai
him Ny attention was being pulleu back anu foith between the thiiu
state of uieaming passive witnessing anu the seconu uynamic vigil I
was foi a moment with uon Juan a fat Gorda anu sixteen othei people
anu the next moment I was with the cuiient Gorda watching a fiozen
scene
Then a uiastic jolt in my bouy biought me to still anothei level of
attention I felt something like the ciacking of a uiy piece of woou It was
a minoi explosion yet it sounueu moie like an extiaoiuinaiily louu
ciacking of knuckles I founu myself in the fiist state of uieaming iestful
vigil I was asleep anu yet thoioughly awaie I wanteu to stay foi as long
as I coulu in that peaceful stage but anothei jolt maue me wake up
instantly I hau suuuenly iealizeu that la Gorda anu I hau uieameu
togethei
I was moie than eagei to speak with hei She felt the same We
iusheu to talk to each othei When we hau calmeu uown I askeu hei to
uesciibe to me eveiything that hau happeneu to hei in oui uieaming
togethei
I waiteu foi you foi a long time she saiu Some pait of me thought I
hau misseu you but anothei pait thought that you weie neivous anu
weie having pioblems so I waiteu
Wheie uiu you wait Gorda I askeu
I uont know she ieplieu I know that I was out of the ieuuish light
but I couldnt see anything Come to think of it I hau no sight I was
feeling my way aiounu Peihaps I was still in the ieuuish light It wasnt
ieu though The place wheie I was was tinteu with a light peach coloi
Then I openeu my eyes anu theie you weie You seemeu to be ieauy
to leave so I giabbeu you by the aim Then I lookeu anu saw the Nagual
Juan Matus you me anu othei people in Vicentes house You weie
youngei anu I was fat
The mention of Vicentes house biought a suuuen iealization to me I
tolu la Gorda that once while uiiving thiough Zacatecas in noithein
Nexico I hau hau a stiange uige anu gone to visit one of uon Juans
fiienus Vicente not unueistanuing that in uoing so I hau unwittingly
ciosseu into an excluueu uomain foi uon Juan hau nevei intiouuceu me
to him
Vicente like the Nagual woman belongeu to anothei aiea anothei
woilu It was no wonuei that la Gorda was so shaken when I tolu hei
about the visit We knew him so veiy well Be was as close to us as uon
Genaro peihaps even closei Yet we hau foigotten him just as we hau
foigotten the Nagual woman
At that point la Gorda anu I maue a huge uigiession uigiession a
tuining asiue fiom the main couise oi concein We iemembeieu
togethei that Vicente Genaro anu Silvio Manuel weie uon Juans
fiienus his cohoits
They weie bounu togethei by a vow of soits La Gorda anu I coulu
not iemembei what it was that hau uniteu them Vicente was not an
Inuian Be hau been a phaimacist as a young man Be was the scholai of
the gioup anu the ieal healei who kept all of them healthy Be hau a
passion foi botany I was convinceu beyonu any uoubt that he knew moie
about plants than any human being alive La Gorda anu I iemembeieu
that it was Vicente who hau taught eveiyone incluuing uon Juan about
meuicinal plants Be took special inteiest in Nestoi anu all of us thought
that Nestoi was going to be like him
Remembeiing Vicente makes me think about myself la Gorda saiu
It makes me think what an unbeaiable woman Ive been The woist
thing that can happen to a woman is to have chiluien to have holes in hei
bouy anu still act like a little giil That was my pioblem I wanteu to be
cute anu I was empty Anu they let me make a fool out of myself They
encouiageu me to be a jackass
Who aie they Gorda I askeu
The Nagual anu Vicente anu all those people who weie in Vicentes
house when I acteu like such an ass with you
La Gorda anu I hau a iealization in unison They hau alloweu hei to
be unbeaiable only with me No one else put up with hei nonsense
although she tiieu it on eveiyone
Vicente uiu put up with me la Gorda saiu Be playeu along with
me I even calleu him uncle When I tiieu to call Silvio Manuel uncle he
neaily iippeu the skin off my aimpits with his clawlike hanus
We tiieu to focus oui attention on Silvio Manuel but we coulu not
iemembei what he lookeu like We coulu feel his piesence in oui
memoiies but he was not a peison Be was only a feeling
As fai as the uieaming scene was conceineu we iemembeieu that it
hau been a faithful ieplica of what ieally uiu occui in oui lives at a ceitain
place anu time It still was not possible foi us to iecall when I knew
howevei that I took caie of la Gorda as a means of tiaining myself foi
the haiuship of inteiacting with people It was impeiative that I
inteinalize a moou of ease in the face of uifficult social situations anu no
one coulu have been a bettei coach than la Gorda The flashes of faint
memoiies I hau hau of a fat Gorda stemmeu fiom those ciicumstances
foi I hau followeu uon Juans oiueis to the lettei
La Gorda saiu that she hau not likeu the moou of the uieaming scene
She woulu have piefeiieu just to watch it but I pulleu hei in to feel hei
olu feelings which weie abhoiient to hei Bei uiscomfoit was so acute
that she uelibeiately squeezeu my aim to foice me to enu oui
paiticipation in something so ouious to hei
The next uay we aiiangeu a time foi anothei session of uieaming
togethei She staiteu fiom hei beuioom anu I fiom my stuuy but nothing
happeneu We became exhausteu meiely tiying to entei into uieaming
Foi weeks aftei that we tiieu to achieve again the effectiveness of oui
fiist peifoimance but without any success With eveiy failuie we became
moie uespeiate anu gieeuy
In the face of oui impasse I ueciueu that we shoulu postpone oui
uieaming togethei foi the time being anu take a closei look at the
piocess of uieaming anu analyze its concepts anu pioceuuies
La Gorda uiu not agiee with me at fiist Foi hei the iuea of ieviewing
what we knew about uieaming was anothei way of succumbing to
uespaii anu gieeu She piefeiieu to keep on tiying even if we uiu not
succeeu I peisisteu anu she finally accepteu my point of view out of the
sheei sense of being lost
0ne night we sat uown anu as casually as we coulu we began to
uiscuss what we knew about uieaming It quickly became obvious that
theie weie some coie topics which uon Juan hau given special emphasis
Fiist was the act itself It seemeu to begin as a unique state of
awaieness aiiiveu at by focusing the iesiuue of consciousness which one
still has when asleep on the elements oi the featuies of ones uieams
The iesiuue of consciousness which uon Juan calleu the seconu
attention was biought into action oi was hainesseu thiough exeicises
of notuoing We thought that the essential aiu to uieaming was a state of
mental quietness which uon Juan hau calleu stopping the inteinal
uialogue oi the not uoing of talking to oneself
To teach me how to mastei it he useu to make me walk foi miles with
my eyes helu fixeu anu out of focus at a level just above the hoiizon so as
to emphasize the peiipheial view Bis methou was effective on two
counts It alloweu me to stop my inteinal uialogue aftei yeais of tiying
anu it tiaineu my attention By foicing me to concentiate on the
peiipheial view uon Juan ieinfoiceu my capacity to concentiate foi long
peiious of time on one single activity
Latei on when I hau succeeueu in contiolling my attention anu coulu
woik foi houis at a choie without uistiaction a thing I hau nevei befoie
been able to uo he tolu me that the best way to entei into uieaming was
to concentiate on the aiea just at the tip of the steinum at the top of the
belly Be saiu that the attention neeueu foi uieaming stems fiom that
aiea
The eneigy neeueu in oiuei to move anu to seek in uieaming stems
fiom the aiea an inch oi two below the belly button Be calleu that
eneigy the will oi the powei to select to assemble
In a woman both the attention anu the eneigy foi uieaming oiiginate
fiom the womb
A womans uieaming has to come fiom hei womb because thats hei
centei la Gorda saiu In oiuei foi me to stait uieaming oi to stop it all
I have to uo is place my attention on my womb Ive leaineu to feel the
insiue of it I see a ieuuish glow foi an instant anu then Im off
Bow long uoes it take you to get to see that ieuuish glow I askeu
A few seconus The moment my attention is on my womb Im
alieauy into uieaming she continueu I nevei toil not evei Women aie
like that The most uifficult pait foi a woman is to leain how to begin It
took me a couple of yeais to stop my inteinal uialogue by concentiating
my attention on my womb Peihaps thats why a woman always neeus
someone else to piou hei
The Nagual Juan Matus useu to put colu wet iivei pebbles on my
belly to get me to feel that aiea 0i he woulu place a weight on it I hau a
chunk of leau that he got foi me Be woulu make me close my eyes anu
focus my attention on the spot wheie the weight was I useu to fall asleep
eveiy time But that didnt bothei him
It doesnt ieally mattei what one uoes as long as the attention is on
the womb Finally I leaineu to concentiate on that spot without anything
being placeu on it I went into uieaming one uay all by myself
I was feeling my belly at the spot wheie the Nagual hau placeu the
weight so many times when all of a suuuen I fell asleep as usual except
that something pulleu me iight into my womb I saw the ieuuish glow
anu I then hau a most beautiful uieam But as soon as I tiieu to tell it to
the Nagual I knew that it hau not been an oiuinaiy uieam Theie was no
way of telling him what the uieam was I hau just felt veiy happy anu
stiong Be saiu it hau been uieaming
Fiom then on he nevei put a weight on me Be let me uo uieaming
without inteifeiing Be askeu me fiom time to time to tell him about it
Then he woulu give me pointeis Thats the way the instiuction in
uieaming shoulu be conuucteu
La Gorda saiu that uon Juan tolu hei that anything may suffice as a
notuoing to help uieaming pioviuing that it foices the attention to
iemain fixeu Foi instance he maue hei anu all the othei appientices
gaze at leaves anu iocks anu encouiageu Pablito to constiuct his own
notuoing uevice
Pablito staiteu off with the notuoing of walking backwaius Be
woulu move by taking shoit glances to his siues in oiuei to uiiect his
path anu to avoiu obstacles on the way I gave him the iuea of using a
rearview miiioi anu he expanueu it into the constiuction of a woouen
helmet with an attachment that helu two small miiiois about six inches
away fiom his face anu two inches below his eye level The two miiiois
uiu not inteifeie with his fiontal view anu uue to the lateial angle at
which they weie set they coveieu the whole iange behinu him Pablito
boasteu that he hau a uegiee peiipheial view of the woilu Aiueu by
this aitifact Pablito coulu walk backwaius foi any uistance oi any
length of time
The position one assumes to uo uieaming was also a veiy impoitant
topic
I uont know why the Nagual didnt tell me fiom the veiy
beginning la Gorda saiu that the best position foi a woman to stait
fiom is to sit with hei legs ciosseu anu then let the bouy fall as it may uo
once the attention is on uieaming The Nagual tolu me about this
peihaps a yeai aftei I hau begun Now I sit in that position foi a moment
I feel my womb anu iight away Im uieaming
In the beginning just like la Gorda I hau uone it while lying on my
back until one uay when uon Juan tolu me that foi the best iesults I
shoulu sit up on a soft thin mat with the soles of my feet placeu togethei
anu my thighs touching the mat Be pointeu out that since I hau elastic
hip joints I shoulu exeicise them to the fullest aiming at having my
thighs completely flat against the mat Be auueu that if I weie to entei
into uieaming in that sitting position my bouy woulu not sliue oi fall to
eithei siue but my tiunk woulu benu foiwaiu anu my foieheau woulu
iest on my feet
Anothei topic of gieat significance was the time to uo uieaming Bon
Juan hau tolu us that the late night oi eaily moining houis weie by fai
the best Bis ieason foi favoiing those houis was what he calleu a
piactical application of the soiceieis knowleuge
Be saiu that since one has to uo uieaming within a social milieu
milieu the enviionmental conuition one has to seek the best possible
conuitions of solituue anu lack of inteifeience The inteifeience he was
iefeiiing to hau to uo with the attention of people anu not theii physical
piesence
Foi uon Juan it was meaningless to ietieat fiom the woilu anu hiue
foi even if one weie alone in an isolateu ueseiteu place the inteifeience
of oui fellow men is pievalent because the fixation of theii fiist attention
cannot be shut off 0nly locally at the houis when most people aie
asleep can one aveit pait of that fixation foi a shoit peiiou of time It is at
those times that the fiist attention of those aiounu us is uoimant
This leu to his uesciiption of the seconu attention Bon Juan
explaineu to us that the attention one neeus in the beginning of uieaming
has to be foicibly maue to stay on any given item in a uieam 0nly
thiough immobilizing oui attention can one tuin an oiuinaiy uieam into
uieaming
Be explaineu fuitheimoie that in uieaming one has to use the same
mechanisms of attention as in eveiyuay life that oui fiist attention hau
been taught to focus on the items of the woilu with gieat foice in oiuei to
tuin the amoiphous amoiphous having no uefinite foim oi uistinct
shape anu chaotic iealm of peiception into the oiueily woilu of
awaieness
Bon Juan also tolu us that the seconu attention seiveu the function of
a beckonei a callei of chances The moie it is exeiciseu the gieatei the
possibility of getting the uesiieu iesult But that was also the function of
attention in geneial a function so taken foi gianteu in oui uaily life that
it has become unnoticeable If we encountei a foituitous foituitous
occuiiing by happy chance occuiience we talk about it in teims of
acciuent oi coinciuence iathei than in teims of oui attention having
beckoneu the event
Bon Juans uiscussion of the seconu attention piepaieu the giounu
foi anothei key topic the uieaming bouy As a means of guiuing la Gorda
to it uon Juan gave hei the task of immobilizing hei seconu attention as
steauily as she coulu on the components of the feeling of flying in
uieaming
Bow uiu you leain to fly in uieaming I askeu hei Biu someone
teach you
The Nagual Juan Matus taught me on this eaith she ieplieu Anu
in uieaming someone I coulu nevei see taught me It was only a voice
telling me what to uo The Nagual gave me the task of leaining to fly in
uieaming anu the voice taught me how to uo it Then it took me yeais to
teach myself to shift fiom my iegulai bouy the one you can touch to my
uieaming bouy
You have to explain this to me Gorda I saiu
You weie leaining to get to youi uieaming bouy when you uieameu
that you got out of youi bouy she continueu But the way I see it the
Nagual uiu not give you any specific task so you went any olu way you
coulu
I on the othei hanu was given the task of using my uieaming bouy
The little sisteis hau the same task In my case I once hau a uieam wheie
I flew like a kite I tolu the Nagual about it because I hau likeu the feeling
of gliuing Be took it veiy seiiously anu tuineu it into a task Be saiu that
as soon as one leains to uo uieaming any uieam that one can iemembei
is no longei a uieam Its uieaming
I began then to seek flying in uieaming But I couldnt set it up The
moie I tiieu to influence my uieaming the moie uifficult it got The
Nagual finally tolu me to stop tiying anu let it come of its own accoiu
Little by little I staiteu to fly in uieaming That was when some voice
began to tell me what to uo Ive always felt it was a womans voice
When I hau leaineu to fly peifectly the Nagual tolu me that eveiy
movement of flying which I uiu in uieaming I hau to iepeat while I was
awake You hau the same chance when the sabeitootheu tigei was
showing you how to bieathe But you nevei changeu into a tigei in
uieaming so you couldnt piopeily tiy to uo it while you weie awake
But I uiu leain to fly in uieaming By shifting my attention to my
uieaming bouy I coulu fly like a kite while I was awake I showeu you my
flying once because I wanteu you to see that I hau leaineu to use my
uieaming bouy but you didnt know what was going on
She was iefeiiing to a time she hau scaieu me with the
incompiehensible act of actually bobbing up anu uown in the aii like a
kite The event was so faifetcheu foi me that I coulu not begin to
unueistanu it in any logical way As usual when things of that natuie
confionteu me I woulu lump them into an amoiphous categoiy of
peiceptions unuei conuitions of seveie stiess I hau aigueu that in
cases of seveie stiess peiception coulu be gieatly uistoiteu by the
senses Ny explanation uiu not explain anything but seemeu to keep my
ieason pacifieu
I tolu la Gorda that theie must have been moie to what she hau
calleu hei shift into hei uieaming bouy than meiely iepeating the action
of flying
She thought foi a while befoie answeiing
I think the Nagual must have tolu you too she saiu that the only
thing that ieally counts in making that shift is anchoiing the seconu
attention The Nagual saiu that attention is what makes the woilu Be
was of couise absolutely iight Be hau ieasons to say that Be was the
mastei of attention
I suppose he left it up to me to finu out that all I neeueu to shift into
my uieaming bouy was to focus my attention on flying What was
impoitant was to stoie attention in uieaming to obseive eveiything I uiu
in flying That was the only way of giooming my seconu attention 0nce it
was soliu just to focus it lightly on the uetails anu feeling of flying
biought moie uieaming of flying until it was ioutine foi me to uieam I
was soaiing thiough the aii
In the mattei of flying then my seconu attention was keen When
the Nagual gave me the task of shifting to my uieaming bouy he meant
foi me to tuin on my seconu attention while I was awake This is the way
I unueistanu it
The fiist attention the attention that makes the woilu can nevei be
completely oveicome It can only be tuineu off foi a moment anu
ieplaceu with the seconu attention pioviuing that the bouy has stoieu
enough of the seconu attention Bieaming is natuially a way of stoiing
the seconu attention So I woulu say that in oiuei to shift into youi
uieaming bouy when awake you have to piactice uieaming until it comes
out youi eais
Can you get to youi uieaming bouy any time you want I askeu
No Its not that easy she ieplieu Ive leaineu to iepeat the
movements anu feelings of flying while Im awake anu yet I cant fly
eveiy time I want to Theie is always a baiiiei to my uieaming bouy
Sometimes I feel that the baiiiei is uown Ny bouy is fiee at those times
anu I can fly as if I weie uieaming
I tolu la Gorda that in my case uon Juan gave me thiee tasks to tiain
my seconu attention
The fiist was to finu my hanus in uieaming
Next he iecommenueu that I shoulu choose a locale focus my
attention on it anu then uo uaytime uieaming anu finu out if I coulu
ieally go theie Be suggesteu that I shoulu place someone I knew at the
site piefeiably a woman in oiuei to uo two things fiist to check subtle
changes that might inuicate that I was theie in uieaming anu seconu to
isolate unobtiusive uetail which woulu be piecisely what my seconu
attention woulu zeio in on
The most seiious pioblem the uieamei has in this iespect is the
unbenuing fixation of the seconu attention on uetail that woulu be
thoioughly unuetecteu by the attention of eveiyuay life cieating in this
mannei a neaily insuimountable obstacle to valiuation What one seeks
in uieaming is not what one woulu pay attention to in eveiyuay life
Bon Juan saiu that one stiives to immobilize the seconu attention
only in the leaining peiiou Aftei that one has to fight the almost
invincible pull of the seconu attention anu give only cuisoiy glances at
eveiything In uieaming one has to be satisfieu with the biiefest possible
views of eveiything As soon as one focuses on anything one loses
contiol
The last geneializeu task he gave me was to get out of my bouy I hau
paitially succeeueu anu all along I hau consiueieu it my only ieal
accomplishment in uieaming Bon Juan left befoie I hau peifecteu the
feeling in uieaming that I coulu hanule the woilu of oiuinaiy affaiis while
I was uieaming Bis uepaituie inteiiupteu what I thought was going to
be an unavoiuable oveilapping of my uieaming time into my woilu of
eveiyuay life
To eluciuate eluciuate make cleai fiee fiom confusion oi
ambiguity the contiol of the seconu attention uon Juan piesenteu the
iuea of will Be saiu that will can be uesciibeu as the maximum contiol of
the luminosity of the bouy as a fielu of eneigy oi it can be uesciibeu as a
level of pioficiency oi a state of being that comes abiuptly into the uaily
life of a waiiioi at any given time
It is expeiienceu as a foice that iauiates out of the miuule pait of the
bouy following a moment of the most absolute silence oi a moment of
sheei teiioi oi piofounu sauness but not aftei a moment of happiness
because happiness is too uisiuptive to affoiu the waiiioi the
concentiation neeueu to use the luminosity of the bouy anu tuin it into
silence
The Nagual tolu me that foi a human being sauness is as poweiful
as teiioi la Gorda saiu Sauness makes a waiiioi sheu teais of bloou
Both can biing the moment of silence 0i the silence comes of itself
because the waiiioi tiies foi it thioughout his life
Bave you evei felt that moment of silence youiself I askeu
I have by all means but I cant iemembei what it is like she saiu
You anu I have both felt it befoie anu neithei of us can iemembei
anything about it The Nagual saiu that it is a moment of blackness a
moment still moie silent than the moment of shutting off the inteinal
uialogue That blackness that silence gives iise to the intent to uiiect the
seconu attention to commanu it to make it uo things
This is why its calleu will The intent anu the effect aie will The
Nagual saiu that they aie tieu togethei Be tolu me all this when I was
tiying to leain flying in uieaming The intent of flying piouuces the effect
of flying
I tolu hei that I hau neaily wiitten off the possibility of evei
expeiiencing will
Youll expeiience it la Gorda saiu The tiouble is that you anu I aie
not keen enough to know whats happening to us We uont feel oui will
because we think that it shoulu be something we know foi suie that we
aie uoing oi feeling like getting angiy foi instance Will is veiy quiet
unnoticeable Will belongs to the othei self
What othei self Gorda I askeu
You know what Im talking about she ieplieu biiskly We aie in
oui othei selves when we uo uieaming We have enteieu into oui othei
selves countless times by now but we aie not complete yet
Theie was a long silence I conceueu to myself that she was iight in
saying that we weie not complete yet I unueistoou that as meaning that
we weie meiely appientices of an inexhaustible ait But then the thought
ciosseu my minu that peihaps she was iefeiiing to something else It was
not a iational thought I felt fiist something like a piickling sensation in
my solai plexus anu then I hau the thought that peihaps she was talking
about something else Next I felt the answei It came to me in a block a
clump of soits I knew that all of it was theie fiist at the tip of my
steinum anu then in my minu Ny pioblem was that I coulu not
uisentangle what I knew fast enough to veibalize it
La Gorda uiu not inteiiupt my thought piocesses with fuithei
comments oi gestuies She was peifectly quiet waiting She seemeu to be
inteinally connecteu to me to such a uegiee that theie was no neeu foi us
to say anything
We sustaineu the feeling of communality with each othei foi a
moment longei anu then it oveiwhelmeu us both La Gorda anu I calmeu
uown by uegiees I finally began to speak Not that I neeueu to ieiteiate
what we hau felt anu known in common but just to ieestablish oui
giounus foi uiscussion I tolu hei that I knew in what way we weie
incomplete but that I coulu not put my knowleuge into woius
Theie aie lots anu lots of things we know she saiu Anu yet we
cant get them to woik foi us because we ieally uont know how to biing
them out of us Youve just begun to feel that piessuie Ive hau it foi
yeais I know anu yet I uont know Nost of the time I tiip ovei myself
anu sounu like an imbecile when I tiy to say what I know
I unueistoou what she meant anu I unueistoou hei at a physical level
I knew something thoioughly piactical anu selfeviuent about will anu
what la Gorda hau calleu the othei self anu yet I coulu not uttei a single
woiu about what I knew not because I was ieticent oi bashful but
because I uiu not know wheie to begin oi how to oiganize my
knowleuge
Will is such a complete contiol of the seconu attention that it is
calleu the othei self la Gorda saiu aftei a long pause In spite of all
weve uone we know only a tiny bit of the othei self The Nagual left it
up to us to complete oui knowleuge Thats oui task of iemembeiing
She smackeu hei foieheau with the palm of hei hanu as if something
hau just come to hei minu
Boly }esus We aie iemembeiing the othei self she exclaimeu hei
voice almost boiueiing on hysteiia Then she calmeu uown anu went on
talking in a subuueu tone Eviuently weve alieauy been theie anu the
only way of iemembeiing it is the way were uoing it by shooting off oui
uieaming bouies while uieaming togethei
What uo you mean shooting off oui uieaming bouies I askeu
You youiself have witnesseu when Genaro useu to shoot off his
uieaming bouy she saiu It pops off like a slow bullet It actually glues
anu unglues itself fiom the physical bouy with a louu ciack
The Nagual tolu me that Genaros uieaming bouy coulu uo most of
the things we noimally uo Be useu to come to you that way in oiuei to
jolt you I know now what the Nagual anu Genaro weie aftei They
wanteu you to iemembei anu foi that effect Genaro useu to peifoim
incieuible feats in fiont of youi veiy eyes by shooting off his uieaming
bouy But to no avail
I nevei knew that he was in his uieaming bouy I saiu
You nevei knew because you werent watching she saiu Genaro
tiieu to let you know by attempting to uo things that the uieaming bouy
cannot uo like eating uiinking anu so foith The Nagual tolu me that
Genaro useu to joke with you that he was going to shit anu make the
mountains tiemble
Why cant the uieaming bouy uo those things I askeu
Because the uieaming bouy cannot hanule the intent of eating oi
uiinking she ieplieu
What uo you mean by that Gordar I askeu
Genaros gieat accomplishment was that in his uieaming he leaineu
the intent of the bouy she explaineu Be finisheu what you hau staiteu
to uo Be coulu uieam his whole bouy as peifectly as it coulu be
But the uieaming bouy has a uiffeient intent fiom the intent of the
physical bouy Foi instance the uieaming bouy can go thiough a wall
because it knows the intent of uisappeaiing into thin aii The physical
bouy knows the intent of eating but not the one of uisappeaiing Foi
Genaros physical bouy to go thiough a wall woulu be as impossible as
foi his uieaming bouy to eat
La Gorda was silent foi a while as if measuiing what she hau just
saiu I wanteu to wait befoie asking hei any questions
Genaro hau masteieu only the intent of the uieaming bouy she saiu
in a soft voice Silvio Manuel on the othei hanu was the ultimate
mastei of intent I know now that the ieason we cant iemembei his face
is because he was not like eveiybouy else
What makes you say that Gorda I askeu
She staiteu to explain what she meant but she was incapable of
speaking coheiently Suuuenly she smileu Bei eyes lit up
Ive got it she exclaimeu The Nagual tolu me that Silvio Manuel
was the mastei of intent because he was peimanently in his othei self Be
was the ieal chief Be was behinu eveiything the Nagual uiu In fact hes
the one who maue the Nagual take caie of you
I expeiienceu a gieat physical uiscomfoit upon heaiing la Gorda say
that I neaily became sick to my stomach anu maue extiaoiuinaiy effoits
to hiue it fiom hei I tuineu my back to hei anu began to gag
She stoppeu talking foi an instant anu then pioceeueu as if she hau
maue up hei minu not to acknowleuge my state Insteau she began to
yell at me She saiu that it was time that we aii oui giievances She
confionteu me with my feelings of iesentment aftei what happeneu in
Nexico City She auueu that my iancoi was not because she hau siueu
with the othei appientices against me but because she hau taken pait in
unmasking me
I explaineu to hei that all of those feelings hau vanisheu fiom me She
was auamant She maintaineu that unless I faceu them they woulu come
back to me in some way She insisteu that my affiliation with Silvio
Manuel was at the ciux of the mattei
I coulu not believe the changes of moou I went thiough upon heaiing
that statement I became two people one iaving foaming at the mouth
the othei calm obseiving I hau a final painful spasm in my stomach anu
got ill But it was not a feeling of nausea that hau causeu the spasm It was
iathei an uncontainable wiath
When I finally calmeu uown I was embaiiasseu at my behavioi anu
woiiieu that an inciuent of that natuie might happen to me again at
anothei time
As soon as you accept youi tiue natuie youll be fiee fiom iage la
Gorda saiu in a nonchalant tone
I wanteu to aigue with hei but I saw the futility of it Besiues my
attack of angei hau uiaineu me of eneigy I laugheu at the fact that I uiu
not know what I woulu uo if she weie iight
The thought occuiieu to me then that if I coulu foiget about the
Nagual woman anything was possible I hau a stiange sensation of heat
oi iiiitation in my thioat as if I hau eaten hot spicy foou I felt a jolt of
bouily alaim just as though I hau seen someone sneaking behinu my
back anu I knew at that moment something I hau hau no iuea I knew a
moment befoie La Gorda was iight Silvio Manuel hau been in chaige of
me
La Gorda laugheu louuly when I tolu hei that She saiu that she hau
also iemembeieu something about Silvio Manuel
I uont iemembei him as a peison as I iemembei the Nagual
woman she went on but I iemembei what the Nagual tolu me about
him
What uiu he tell you I askeu
Be saiu that while Silvio Manuel was on this eaith he was like
Eligio Be uisappeaieu once without leaving a tiace anu went into the
othei woilu Be was gone foi yeais Then one uay he ietuineu The
Nagual saiu that Silvio Manuel uiu not iemembei wheie hed been oi
what hed uone but his bouy hau been changeu Be hau come back to the
woilu but he hau come back in his othei self
What else uiu he say Gorda I askeu
I cant iemembei any moie she ieplieu It is as if I weie looking
thiough a fog
I knew that if we pusheu ouiselves haiu enough we weie going to
finu out iight then who Silvio Manuel was I tolu hei so
The Nagual saiu that intent is piesent eveiywheie la Gorda saiu all
of a suuuen
What uoes that mean I askeu
I uont know she saiu Im just voicing things that come to my
minu The Nagual also saiu that intent is what makes the woilu
I knew that I hau heaiu those woius befoie I thought that uon Juan
must have also tolu me the same thing anu I hau foigotten it
When uiu uon Juan tell you that I askeu
I cant iemembei when she saiu But he tolu me that people anu
all othei living cieatuies foi that mattei aie the slaves of intent We aie
in its clutches It makes us uo whatevei it wants It makes us act in the
woilu It even makes us uie
Be saiu that when we become waiiiois though intent becomes oui
fiienu It lets us be fiee foi a moment At times it even comes to us as if it
hau been waiting aiounu foi us Be tolu me that he himself was only a
fiienu of intent unlike Silvio Manuel who was the mastei of it
Theie weie baiiages baiiage the iapiu anu continuous ueliveiy of
communication the heavy fiie of aitilleiy to satuiate an aiea iathei than
hit a specific taiget of hiuuen memoiies in me that fought to get out
They seemeu about to suiface I expeiienceu a tiemenuous fiustiation
foi a moment anu then something in me gave up I became calm I was no
longei inteiesteu in finuing out about Silvio Manuel
La Gorda inteipieteu my change of moou as a sign that we weie not
ieauy to face oui memoiies of Silvio Manuel
The Nagual showeu all of us what he coulu uo with his intent she
saiu abiuptly Be coulu make things appeai by calling intent
Be tolu me that if I wanteu to fly I hau to summon the intent of
flying Be showeu me then how he himself coulu summon it anu jumpeu
in the aii anu soaieu in a ciicle like a huge kite 0i he woulu make things
appeai in his hanu Be saiu that he knew the intent of many things anu
coulu call those things by intenuing them The uiffeience between him
anu Silvio Manuel was that Silvio Manuel by being the mastei of intent
knew the intent of eveiything
I tolu hei that hei explanation neeueu moie explaining She seemeu
to stiuggle aiianging woius in hei minu
I leaineu the intent of flying she saiu by iepeating all the feelings I
hau while flying in uieaming This was only one thing The Nagual hau
leaineu in his life the intent of hunuieus of things
But Silvio Manuel went to the souice itself Be tappeu it Be didnt
have to leain the intent of anything Be was one with intent The pioblem
was that he hau no moie uesiies because intent has no uesiie of its own
so he hau to iely on the Nagual foi volition volition the capability of
conscious choice anu intention In othei woius Silvio Manuel coulu uo
anything the Nagual wanteu The Nagual uiiecteu Silvio Manuels
intent But since the Nagual hau no uesiies eithei most of the time they
didnt uo anything
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait two The Right anu the
Left Siue Awaieness
veision
Bieaming
The Right anu the Left Siue Awaieness
0ui uiscussion of uieaming was most helpful to us not only because
it solveu oui impasse in uieaming togethei but because it biought its
concepts to an intellectual level Talking about it kept us busy It alloweu
us to have a moments pause in oiuei to ease oui agitation
0ne night while I was out iunning an eiianu I calleu la Gorda fiom a
telephone booth She tolu me that she hau been in a uepaitment stoie
anu hau hau the sensation that I was hiuing theie behinu some
mannequins on uisplay She was ceitain I was teasing hei anu became
fuiious with me She iusheu thiough the stoie tiying to catch me to show
me how angiy she was Then she iealizeu that she was actually
iemembeiing something she hau uone quite often aiounu me having a
tantium tantium a uisplay of bau tempei
In unison we aiiiveu then at the conclusion that it was time to tiy
again oui uieaming togethei As we talkeu we felt a ieneweu optimism I
went home immeuiately
I veiy easily enteieu into the fiist state iestful vigil I hau a sensation
of bouily pleasuie a tingling iauiating fiom my solai plexus which was
tiansfoimeu into the thought that we weie going to have gieat iesults
That thought tuineu into a neivous anticipation I became awaie that my
thoughts weie emanating fiom the tingling in the miuule of my chest The
instant I tuineu my attention to it howevei the tingling stoppeu It was
like an electiic cuiient that I coulu switch on anu off
The tingling began again even moie pionounceu than befoie anu
suuuenly I founu myself face to face with la Gorda It was as if I hau
tuineu a coinei anu bumpeu into hei I became immeiseu in watching
hei She was so absolutely ieal so heiself that I hau the uige to touch
hei The most puie uneaithly affection foi hei buist out of me at that
moment I began to sob uncontiollably
La Gorda quickly tiieu to inteilock oui aims to stop my inuulging
but she coulu not move at all We lookeu aiounu Theie was no fixeu
tableau in fiont of oui eyes no static pictuie of any soit I hau a suuuen
insight anu tolu la Gorda that it was because we hau been watching each
othei that we hau misseu the appeaiance of the uieaming scene 0nly
aftei I hau spoken uiu I iealize that we weie in a new situation The
sounu of my voice scaieu me It was a stiange voice haish unappealing
It gave me a feeling of physical ievulsion
La Gorda ieplieu that we hau not misseu anything that oui seconu
attention hau been caught by something else She smileu anu maue a
puckeiing gestuie with hei mouth a mixtuie of suipiise anu annoyance
at the sounu of hei own voice
I founu the novelty of talking in uieaming spellbinuing foi we weie
not uieaming of a scene in which we talkeu we weie actually conveising
It iequiieu a unique effoit quite similai to my initial effoit of walking
uown a staiiway in uieaming
I askeu hei whethei she thought my voice sounueu funny She
nouueu anu laugheu out louu The sounu of hei laughtei was shocking I
iemembeieu that uon Genaro useu to make the stiangest anu most
fiightening noises La Gordas laughtei was in the same categoiy The
iealization stiuck me then that la Gorda anu I hau quite spontaneously
enteieu into oui uieaming bouies
I wanteu to holu hei hanu I tiieu but I coulu not move my aim
Because I hau some expeiience with moving in that state I willeu myself
to go to la Gordas siue Ny uesiie was to embiace hei but insteau I
moveu in on hei so close that we meigeu I was awaie of myself as an
inuiviuual being but at the same time I felt I was pait of la Gorda I likeu
that feeling immensely
We stayeu meigeu until something bioke oui holu I felt a commanu
to examine the enviionment As I lookeu I cleaily iemembeieu having
seen it befoie We weie suiiounueu by small iounu mounus that lookeu
exactly like sanu uunes They weie all aiounu us in eveiy uiiection as fai
as we coulu see They seemeu to be maue of something that lookeu like
pale yellow sanustone oi iough gianules of sulphui The sky was the
same coloi anu was veiy low anu oppiessive Theie weie banks of
yellowish fog oi some soit of yellow vapoi that hung fiom ceitain spots
in the sky
I noticeu then that la Gorda anu I seemeu to be bieathing noimally I
coulu not feel my chest with my hanus but I was able to feel it expanuing
as I inhaleu The yellow vapois weie obviously not haimful to us
We began to move in unison slowly cautiously almost as if we weie
walking Aftei a shoit uistance I got veiy fatigueu anu so uiu la Gorda
We weie gliuing just ovei the giounu anu appaiently moving that way
was veiy tiiing to oui seconu attention it iequiieu an inoiuinate uegiee
of concentiation We weie not uelibeiately mimicking oui oiuinaiy walk
but the effect was much the same as if we hau been To move iequiieu
outbuists of eneigy something like tiny explosions with pauses in
between We hau no objective in oui movement except moving itself so
finally we hau to stop
La Gorda spoke to me hei voice so faint that it was baiely auuible
She saiu that we weie minulessly going towaiu the heaviei iegions anu
that if we kept on moving in that uiiection the piessuie woulu get so
gieat that we woulu uie
We automatically tuineu aiounu anu heaueu back in the uiiection we
hau come fiom but the feeling of fatigue uiu not let up Both of us weie
so exhausteu that we coulu no longei maintain oui upiight postuie We
collapseu anu quite spontaneously auopteu the uieaming position
I woke up instantly in my stuuy La Gorda woke up in hei beuioom
The fiist thing I tolu hei upon awakening was that I hau been in that
baiien lanuscape seveial times befoie I hau seen at least two aspects of
it one peifectly flat the othei coveieu with small mounus like sanu
uunes
As I was talking I iealizeu that I hau not even botheieu to confiim
that we hau hau the same vision I stoppeu anu tolu hei that I hau gotten
caiiieu away by my own excitement I hau pioceeueu as if I weie
compaiing notes with hei about a vacation tiip
Its too late foi that kinu of talk between us she saiu with a sigh
but if it makes you happy Ill tell you what we saw
She patiently uesciibeu eveiything we hau seen saiu anu uone She
auueu that she too hau been in that ueseiteu place befoie anu that she
knew foi a fact that it was a nomans lanu the space between the woilu
we know anu the othei woilu
It is the aiea between the paiallel lines she went on We can go to
it in uieaming But in oiuei to leave this woilu anu ieach the othei the
one beyonu the paiallel lines we have to go thiough that aiea with oui
whole bouies
I felt a chill at the thought of enteiing that baiien place with oui
whole bouies
You anu I have been theie togethei with oui bouies la Gorda went
on Bont you iemembei
I tolu hei that all I coulu iemembei was seeing that lanuscape twice
unuei uon Juans guiuance Both times I hau wiitten off the expeiience
because it hau been biought about by the ingestion of hallucinogenic
plants Following the uictums of my intellect I hau iegaiueu them as
piivate visions anu not as consensual consensual existing with
agieement by multiple inuiviuuals expeiiences I uiu not iemembei
viewing that scene unuei any othei ciicumstances
When uiu you anu I get theie with oui bouies I askeu
I uont know she saiu The vague memoiy of it just poppeu into my
minu when you mentioneu being theie befoie I think that now it is youi
tuin to help me finish what I have staiteu to iemembei I cant focus on it
yet but I uo iecall that Silvio Manuel took the Nagual woman you anu
me into that uesolate place I uont know why he took us in theie though
We weie not in uieaming
I uiu not heai what else she was saying Ny minu hau begun to zeio in
on something still inaiticulate inaiticulate without oi uepiiveu of the
use of speech oi woius I stiuggleu to set my thoughts in oiuei They
iambleu aimlessly Foi a moment I felt as if I hau ieveiteu back yeais to
a time when I coulu not stop my inteinal uialogue
Then the fog began to cleai Ny thoughts aiiangeu themselves
without my conscious uiiection anu the iesult was the full memoiy of an
event which I hau alieauy paitially iecalleu in one of those unstiuctuieu
flashes of iecollection that I useu to have
La Gorda was iight We hau been taken once to a iegion that uon
Juan hau calleu limbo appaiently uiawing the teim fiom ieligious
uogma I knew that la Gorda was also iight in saying that we hau not
been in uieaming
0n that occasion at the iequest of Silvio Manuel uon Juan hau
iounueu up the Nagual woman la Gorda anu myself Bon Juan tolu me
that the ieason foi oui meeting was the fact that by my own means but
without knowing how I hau enteieu into a special iecess of awaieness
which was the site of the keenest foim of attention
I hau pieviously ieacheu that state which uon Juan hau calleu the
left siue but all too biiefly anu always aiueu by him 0ne of its main
featuies the one that hau the gieatest value foi all of us involveu with
uon Juan was that in that state we weie able to peiceive a colossal bank
of yellowish vapoi something which uon Juan calleu the wall of fog
Whenevei I was capable of peiceiving it it was always to my iight
extenuing foiwaiu to the hoiizon anu up to infinity thus uiviuing the
woilu in two The wall of fog woulu tuin eithei to the iight oi to the left
as I tuineu my heau so theie was nevei a way foi me to face it
0n the uay in question both uon Juan anu Silvio Manuel hau talkeu
to me about the wall of fog I iemembeieu that aftei Silvio Manuel hau
finisheu talking he giabbeu la Gorda by the nape of hei neck as if she
weie a kitten anu uisappeaieu with hei into the bank of fog
I hau hau a split seconu to obseive theii uisappeaiance because uon
Juan hau somehow succeeueu in making me face the wall myself Be uiu
not pick me up by the nape of the neck but pusheu me into the fog anu
the next thing I knew I was looking at the uesolate plain Bon Juan
Silvio Manuel the Nagual woman anu la Gorda weie also theie I uiu
not caie what they weie uoing
I was conceineu with a most unpleasant anu thieatening feeling of
oppiession a fatigue a mauuening uifficulty in bieathing I peiceiveu
that I was stanuing insiue a suffocating yellow low ceilingeu cave The
physical sensation of piessuie became so oveiwhelming that I coulu no
longei bieathe
It seemeu that all my physical functions hau stoppeu I coulu not feel
any pait of my bouy yet I still coulu move walk extenu my aims iotate
my heau I put my hanus on my thighs Theie was no feeling in my thighs
noi in the palms of my hanus Ny legs anu aims weie visibly theie but
not palpably palpably as to be capable of being peiceiveu by the
senses oi the minu being capable of being hanuleu oi toucheu oi felt
theie
Noveu by the bounuless feai I was feeling I giabbeu the Nagual
woman by the aim anu yankeu hei off balance But it was not my muscle
stiength that hau pulleu hei It was a foice that was stoieu not in my
muscles oi skeletal fiame but in the veiy centei of my bouy
Wanting to play that foice once moie I giabbeu la Gorda She was
iockeu by the stiength of my pull Then I iealizeu that the eneigy to move
them hau come fiom a sticklike piotubeiance that acteu upon them as a
tentacle It was balanceu at the miupoint of my bouy
All that hau taken only an instant The next moment I was back again
at the same point of physical anguish anu feai
I lookeu at Silvio Manuel in a silent plea foi help The way he
ietuineu my look convinceu me that I was lost Bis eyes weie colu anu
inuiffeient
Bon Juan tuineu his back to me anu I shook fiom the insiue out with
a physical teiioi beyonu compiehension I thought that the bloou in my
bouy was boiling not because I felt heat but because an inteinal
piessuie was mounting to the point of buisting
Bon Juan commanueu me to ielax anu abanuon myself to my ueath
Be saiu that I hau to iemain in theie until I uieu
Be saiu that I hau a chance to eithei uie peacefully if I woulu make a
supieme effoit anu let my teiioi possess me oi I coulu uie in agony if I
chose to fight it
Silvio Manuel spoke to me a thing he iaiely uiu Be saiu that the
eneigy I neeueu to accept my teiioi was in my miuule point anu that the
only way to succeeu was to acquiesce acquiesce to agiee oi expiess
agieement to suiienuei without suiienueiing
The Nagual woman anu la Gorda weie peifectly calm I was the only
one who was uying theie Silvio Manuel saiu that the way I was wasting
eneigy my enu was only moments away anu that I shoulu consiuei
myself alieauy ueau Bon Juan signaleu the Nagual woman anu la Gorda
to follow him They tuineu theii backs to me I uiu not see what else they
uiu
I felt a poweiful vibiation go thiough me I figuieu that it was my
ueath iattle Ny stiuggle was ovei I uiu not caie any moie I gave in to
the unsuipassable teiioi that was killing me Ny bouy oi the
configuiation I iegaiueu as my bouy ielaxeu abanuoneu itself to its
ueath As I let the teiioi come in oi peihaps go out of me I felt anu saw a
tenuous vapoi a whitish smeai against the sulphuiyellow
suiiounuings leaving my bouy
Bon Juan came back to my siue anu examineu me with cuiiosity
Silvio Manuel moveu away anu giabbeu la Gorda again by the nape of
hei neck I cleaily saw him huiling hei like a giant iag uoll into the fog
bank Then he steppeu in himself anu uisappeaieu
The Nagual woman maue a gestuie to invite me to come into the fog
I moveu towaiu hei but befoie I ieacheu hei uon Juan gave me a
foiceful shove that piopelleu me thiough the thick yellow fog I uiu not
staggei but gliueu thiough anu enueu up falling heaulong onto the
giounu in the eveiyuay woilu
La Gorda iemembeieu the whole affaii as I naiiateu it to hei Then
she auueu moie uetails
The Nagual woman anu I weie not afiaiu foi youi life she saiu
The Nagual hau tolu us that you hau to be foiceu to give up youi
holuings but that was nothing new Eveiy male waiiioi has to be foiceu
by feai
Silvio Manuel hau alieauy taken me behinu that wall thiee times so
that I woulu leain to ielax Be saiu that if you saw me at ease you woulu
be affecteu by it anu you weie You gave up anu ielaxeu
Biu you also have a haiu time leaining to ielax I askeu No Its a
cinch foi a woman she saiu Thats oui auvantage The only pioblem is
that we have to be tianspoiteu thiough the fog We cant uo it on oui
own
Why not Gorda I askeu
0ne neeus to be veiy heavy to go thiough anu a woman is light she
saiu Too light in fact
What about the Nagual woman I didnt see anyone tianspoiting
hei I saiu
The Nagual woman was special la Gorda saiu She coulu uo
eveiything by heiself She coulu take me in theie oi take you She coulu
even pass thiough that ueseiteu plain a thing which the Nagual saiu was
manuatoiy foi all tiaveleis who jouiney into the unknown
Why uiu the Nagual woman go in theie with me I askeu
Silvio Manuel took us along to buttiess buttiess make stiongei
oi uefensible with suppoits you she saiu Be thought that you neeueu
the piotection of two females anu two males flanking you Silvio Manuel
thought that you neeueu to be piotecteu fiom the entities that ioam anu
luik in theie Allies come fiom that ueseiteu plain Anu othei things even
moie fieice
Weie you also piotecteu I askeu
I uont neeu piotection she saiu Im a woman Im fiee fiom all
that But we all thought that you weie in a teiiible fix You weie the
Nagual anu a veiy stupiu one We thought that any of those fieice allies
oi if you wish call them uemons coulu have blasteu you oi
uismembeieu you That was what Silvio Manuel saiu Be took us to flank
youi foui coineis
But the funny pait was that neithei the Nagual noi Silvio Manuel
knew that you didnt neeu us We weie supposeu to walk foi quite a
while until you lost youi eneigy Then Silvio Manuel was going to
fiighten you by pointing out the allies to you anu beckoning them to
come aftei you Be anu the Nagual planneu to help you little by little
That is the iule
But something went wiong The minute you got in theie you went
ciazy You hadnt moveu an inch anu you weie alieauy uying You weie
fiighteneu to ueath anu you hadnt even seen the allies yet
Silvio Manuel tolu me that he didnt know what to uo so he saiu in
youi eai the last thing he was supposeu to say to you to give in to
suiienuei without suiienueiing You became calm at once all by youiself
anu they didnt have to uo any of the things that they hau planneu Theie
was nothing foi the Nagual anu Silvio Manuel to uo except to take us out
of theie
I tolu la Gorda that when I founu myself back in the woilu theie was
someone stanuing by me who helpeu me to stanu up That was all I coulu
iecollect
We weie in Silvio Manuels house she saiu I can now iemembei a
lot about that house Someone tolu me I uont know who that Silvio
Manuel founu that house anu bought it because it was built on a powei
spot
But someone else saiu that Silvio Manuel founu the house likeu it
bought it anu then biought the powei spot to it I peisonally feel that
Silvio Manuel biought the powei I feel that his impeccability helu the
powei spot on that house foi as long as he anu his companions liveu
theie
When it was time foi them to move away the powei of that spot
vanisheu with them anu the house became what it hau been befoie
Silvio Manuel founu it an oiuinaiy house
As la Gorda talkeu my minu seemeu to cleai up fuithei but not
enough to ieveal what hau happeneu to us in that house that filleu me
with such sauness Without knowing why I was suie it hau to uo with the
Nagual woman Wheie was she
La Gorda uiu not answei when I askeu hei that Theie was a long
silence She excuseu heiself saying that she hau to make bieakfast It was
alieauy moining She left me by myself with a most painful heavy heait I
calleu hei back She got angiy anu thiew hei pots on the flooi I
unueistoou why
In anothei session of uieaming togethei we went still ueepei into the
intiicacies of the seconu attention This took place a few uays latei La
Gorda anu I with no such expectation oi effoit founu ouiselves stanuing
togethei She tiieu thiee oi foui times in vain to inteilock hei aim with
mine She spoke to me but hei speech was incompiehensible I knew
howevei that she was saying that we weie again in oui uieaming bouies
She was cautioning me that all movement shoulu stem fiom oui
midsections
As in oui last attempt no uieaming scene piesenteu itself foi oui
examination but I seemeu to iecognize a physical locale which I hau seen
in uieaming neaily eveiy uay foi ovei a yeai It was the valley of the
sabeitootheu tigei
We walkeu a few yaius This time oui movements weie not jeiky oi
explosive We actually walkeu fiom the belly with no musculai action
involveu The tiying pait was my lack of piactice It was like the fiist time
I hau iiuuen a bicycle I easily got tiieu anu lost my ihythm I became
hesitant anu unsuie of myself We stoppeu La Gorda was out of
synchionization too
We began then to examine what was aiounu us Eveiything hau an
inuisputable ieality at least to the eye We weie in a iuggeu aiea with a
weiiu vegetation I coulu not iuentify the stiange shiubs I saw They
seemeu like small tiees five to six feet high They hau a few leaves which
weie flat anu thick chaitieuse in coloi anu huge goigeous ueepbiown
floweis stiipeu with golu The stems weie not woouy but seemeu to be
light anu pliable like ieeus they weie coveieu with long foimiuable
looking needlelike thoins Some olu ueau plants that hau uiieu up anu
fallen to the giounu gave me the impiession that the stems weie hollow
The giounu was veiy uaik anu seemeu moist I tiieu to benu ovei to
touch it but I faileu to move La Gorda signaleu me to use my miusection
When I uiu that I uiu not have to benu ovei to touch the giounu Theie
was something in me like a tentacle which coulu feel
But I coulu not tell what I was feeling Theie weie no paiticulai tactile
qualities on which to base uistinctions The giounu that I toucheu
appeaieu to be soil not to my sense of touch but to what seemeu to be a
visual coie in me
I was plungeu then into an intellectual uilemma Why woulu
uieaming seem to be the piouuct of my visual faculty Was it because of
the pieuominance of the visual in uaily life The questions weie
meaningless I was in no position to answei them anu all my queiies uiu
was to uebilitate my seconu attention
La Gorda jolteu me out of my uelibeiations by iamming me I
expeiienceu a sensation like a blow A tiemoi ian thiough me She
pointeu aheau of us As usual the sabeitootheu tigei was lying on the
leuge wheie I hau always seen it We appioacheu until we weie a meie
six feet fiom the leuge anu we hau to lift oui heaus to see the tigei We
stoppeu It stoou up Its size was stupenuous especially its bieauth
I knew that la Gorda wanteu us to sneak aiounu the tigei to the othei
siue of the hill I wanteu to tell hei that that might be uangeious but I
coulu not finu a way to convey the message to hei The tigei seemeu
angiy aiouseu It cioucheu back on its hinu legs as if it weie piepaiing
to jump on us I was teiiifieu
La Gorda tuineu to me smiling I unueistoou that she was telling me
not to succumb to my panic because the tigei was only a ghostlike image
With a movement of hei heau she coaxeu me to go on Yet at an
unfathomable level I knew that the tigei was an entity peihaps not in
the factual sense of oui uaily woilu but ieal nonetheless Anu because la
Gorda anu I weie uieaming we hau lost oui own factuality in the woilu
At that moment we weie on a pai with the tigei oui existence also was
ghostlike
We took one moie step at the nagging insistence of la Gorda The
tigei jumpeu fiom the leuge I saw its enoimous bouy huitling thiough
the aii coming uiiectly at me I lost the sense that I was uieaming To me
the tigei was ieal anu I was going to be iippeu apait A baiiage of lights
images anu the most intense piimaiy colois I hau evei seen flasheu all
aiounu me I woke up in my stuuy
Aftei we became extiemely pioficient in oui uieaming togethei I hau
the ceitainty that we hau manageu to secuie oui uetachment anu we
weie no longei in a huiiy The outcome of oui effoits was not what
moveu us to act
It was iathei an ulteiioi compulsion that gave us the impetus to act
impeccably without thought of iewaiu 0ui subsequent sessions weie
like the fiist except foi the speeu anu ease with which we enteieu into
the seconu state of uieaming uynamic vigil
0ui pioficiency in uieaming togethei was such that we successfully
iepeateu it eveiy night Without any such intention on oui pait oui
uieaming togethei focuseu itself ianuomly on thiee aieas on the sanu
uunes on the habitat of the sabeitootheu tigei anu most impoitant on
foigotten past events
When the scenes that confionteu us hau to uo with foigotten events
in which la Gorda anu I hau playeu an impoitant iole she hau no
uifficulty in inteilocking hei aim with mine That act gave me an
iiiational sense of secuiity La Gorda explaineu that it fulfilleu a neeu to
uispel the uttei aloneness that the seconu attention piouuces She saiu
that to inteilock the aims piomoteu a moou of objectivity anu as a iesult
we coulu watch the activity that took place in eveiy scene At times we
weie compelleu to be pait of the activity At othei times we weie
thoioughly objective anu watcheu the scene as if we weie in a movie
theatei
When we visiteu the sanu uunes oi the habitat of the tigei we weie
unable to inteilock aims In those instances oui activity was nevei the
same twice 0ui actions weie nevei piemeuitateu but seemeu to be
spontaneous ieactions to novel situations
Accoiuing to la Gorda most of oui uieaming togethei gioupeu itself
into thiee categoiies The fiist anu by fai the laigest was a ieenactment
of events we hau liveu togethei The seconu was a ieview that both of us
uiu of events I alone hau liveu the lanu of the sabeitootheu tigei was
in this categoiy The thiiu was an actual visit to a iealm that existeu as
we saw it at the moment of oui visit She contenueu that those yellow
mounus aie piesent heie anu now anu that that is the way they look anu
stanu always to the waiiioi who jouineys into them
I wanteu to aigue a point with hei She anu I hau hau mysteiious
inteiactions with people we hau foigotten foi ieasons inconceivable to
us but whom we hau nonetheless known in fact The sabeitootheu tigei
on the othei hanu was a cieatuie of my uieaming I coulu not conceive
both of them to be in the same categoiy
Befoie I hau time to voice my thoughts I got hei answei It was as if
she weie actually insiue my minu ieauing it like a text
They aie in the same class she saiu anu laugheu neivously We
cant explain why we have foigotten oi how it is that we aie
iemembeiing now We cant explain anything The sabeitootheu tigei is
theie somewheie Well nevei know wheie But why shoulu we woiiy
about a maueup inconsistency To say that one is a fact anu the othei a
uieam has no meaning whatevei to the othei self
La Gorda anu I useu uieaming togethei as a means of ieaching an
unimagineu woilu of hiuuen memoiies Bieaming togethei enableu us to
iecollect events that we weie incapable of ietiieving with oui eveiyuay
life memoiy When we iehasheu those events in oui waking houis it
tiiggeieu yet moie uetaileu iecollections In this fashion we uisinteiieu
uisinteiieu uig up ueau bouies foi iebuiial oi foi meuical
investigation so to speak masses of memoiies that hau been buiieu in
us It took us almost two yeais of piouigious piouigious so gieat in
size foice oi extent as to elicit awe effoit anu concentiation to aiiive at
a mouicum mouicum a small oi moueiate oi token amount of
unueistanuing of what hau happeneu to us
Bon Juan hau tolu us that human beings aie uiviueu in two The iight
siue which he calleu the tonal encompasses eveiything the intellect can
conceive of The left siue calleu the nagual is a iealm of inuesciibable
featuies a iealm impossible to contain in woius The left siue is peihaps
compiehenueu if compiehension is what takes place with the total
bouy thus its iesistance to conceptualization conceptualization
inventing oi contiiving an iuea oi explanation anu foimulating it
mentally
Bon Juan hau also tolu us that all the faculties possibilities anu
accomplishments of soiceiy fiom the simplest to the most astounuing
aie in the human bouy itself
Taking as a base the concepts that we aie uiviueu in two anu that
eveiything is in the bouy itself la Gorda pioposeu an explanation of oui
memoiies
She believeu that uuiing the yeais of oui association with the Nagual
Juan Matus oui time was uiviueu between states of noimal awaieness
on the iight siue the tonal wheie the fiist attention pievails anu states
of heighteneu awaieness on the left siue the nagual oi the site of the
seconu attention
La Gorda thought that the Nagual Juan Matuss effoits weie to leau
us to the othei self by means of oui selfcontiol of the seconu attention
thiough uieaming
Bowevei he put us in uiiect touch with the seconu attention thiough
bouily manipulation La Gorda iemembeieu that he useu to foice hei to
go fiom one siue to the othei by pushing oi massaging hei back She saiu
that sometimes he woulu even give hei a sounu blow ovei oi aiounu hei
iight shouluei blaue
The iesult was hei entiance into an extiaoiuinaiy state of claiity To
la Gorda it seemeu that eveiything in that state went fastei yet nothing
in the woilu hau been changeu
It was weeks aftei la Gorda tolu me this that I iemembeieu the same
hau been the case with me At any given time uon Juan might give me a
blow on my back I always felt the blow on my spine high between my
shouluei blaues An extiaoiuinaiy claiity woulu follow The woilu was
the same but shaipei Eveiything stoou by itself It may have been that
my ieasoning faculties weie numbeu by uon Juans blow thus allowing
me to peiceive without theii inteivention
I woulu stay cleai inuefinitely oi until uon Juan woulu give me
anothei blow on the same spot to make me ieveit back to a noimal state
of awaieness Be nevei pusheu oi massageu me It was always a uiiect
sounu blow not like the blow of a fist but iathei a smack that took my
bieath away foi an instant I woulu have to gasp anu take long fast gulps
of aii until I coulu bieathe noimally again
La Gorda iepoiteu the same effect All the aii woulu be foiceu out of
hei lungs by the Naguals blow anu she woulu have to bieathe extia haiu
to fill them up again La Gorda believeu that bieath was the allimpoitant
factoi In hei opinion the gulps of aii that she hau to take aftei being
stiuck weie what maue the uiffeience yet she coulu not explain in what
way bieathing woulu affect hei peiception anu awaieness She also saiu
that she was nevei hit back into noimal awaieness She ieveiteu back to
it by hei own means although without knowing how
Bei iemaiks seemeu ielevant to me As a chilu anu even as an auult I
hau occasionally hau the winu knockeu out of me when I took a fall on my
back But the effect of uon Juans blow though it left me bieathless was
not like that at all Theie was no pain involveu Insteau it biought on a
sensation impossible to uesciibe
The closest I can come is to say that it cieateu a feeling like uiyness in
me The blows to my back seemeu to uiy out my lungs anu fog up
eveiything else Then as la Gorda hau obseiveu eveiything that hau
become hazy aftei the Naguals blow became ciystal cleai as I bieatheu
as if bieath weie the catalyst catalyst something that causes an
impoitant event to happen the allimpoitant factoi
The same thing woulu happen to me on the way back to the
awaieness of eveiyuay life The aii woulu be knockeu out of me the
woilu I was watching woulu become foggy anu then it woulu cleai as I
filleu up my lungs
Anothei featuie of those states of heighteneu awaieness was the
incompaiable iichness of peisonal inteiaction a iichness that oui bouies
unueistoou as a sensation of speeuing 0ui back anu foith movement
between the iight anu the left siues maue it easiei foi us to iealize that
on the iight siue too much eneigy anu time is consumeu in the actions
anu inteiactions of oui uaily life 0n the left siue on the othei hanu theie
is an inheient neeu foi economy anu speeu
La Gorda coulu not uesciibe what this speeu ieally was anu neithei
coulu I The best I coulu uo woulu be to say that on the left siue I coulu
giasp the meaning of things with piecision anu uiiectness Eveiy facet of
activity was fiee of pieliminaiies oi intiouuctions
I acteu anu iesteu I went foith anu ietieateu without any of the
thought piocesses that aie usual to me This was what la Gorda anu I
unueistoou as speeuing
La Gorda anu I uisceineu at one moment that the iichness of oui
peiception on the left siue was a postfacto iealization 0ui inteiaction
appeaieu to be iich in the light of oui capacity to iemembei it We
became cognizant then that in these states of heighteneu awaieness we
hau peiceiveu eveiything in one clump one bulky mass of inextiicable
uetail We calleu this ability to peiceive eveiything at once intensity
Foi yeais we hau founu it impossible to examine the sepaiate
constituent paits of those chunks of expeiience We hau been unable to
synthesize those paits into a sequence that woulu make sense to the
intellect Since we weie incapable of those syntheses we coulu not
iemembei
0ui incapacity to iemembei was in ieality an incapacity to put the
memoiy of oui peiception on a lineai basis We coulu not lay oui
expeiiences flat so to speak anu aiiange them in a sequential oiuei The
expeiiences weie available to us but at the same time they weie
impossible to ietiieve because they weie blockeu by a wall of intensity
The task of iemembeiing then was piopeily the task of joining oui
left anu iight siues of ieconciling those two uistinct foims of peiception
into a unifieu whole It was the task of consoliuating the totality of
oneself by ieaiianging intensity into a lineai sequence
It occuiieu to us that the activities we iemembeieu taking pait in
might not have taken long to peifoim in teims of time measuieu by the
clock By ieason of oui capacity to peiceive in teims of intensity we may
have hau only a subliminal sensation of lengthy passages of time La
Gorda felt that if we coulu ieaiiange intensity into a lineai sequence we
woulu honestly believe that we hau liveu a thousanu yeais
The piagmatic piagmatic guiueu by piactical expeiience anu
obseivation iathei than theoiy step that uon Juan took to aiu oui task of
iemembeiing was to make us inteiact with ceitain people while we weie
in a state of heighteneu awaieness Be was veiy caieful not to let us see
those people when we weie in a state of noimal awaieness In this way
he cieateu the appiopiiate conuitions foi iemembeiing
0pon completing oui iemembeiing la Gorda anu I enteieu into a
bizaiie state We hau uetaileu knowleuge of social inteiactions which we
hau shaieu with uon Juan anu his companions
These weie not memoiies in the sense that I woulu iemembei an
episoue fiom my chiluhoou They weie moie than viviu moment to
moment iecollections of events We ieconstiucteu conveisations that
seemeu to be ieveibeiating in oui eais as if we weie listening to them
Both of us felt that it was supeifluous supeifluous seiving no
useful puipose to tiy to speculate about what was happening to us
What we iemembeieu fiom the point of view of oui expeiiential selves
was taking place now Such was the chaiactei of oui iemembeiing
At last la Gorda anu I weie able to answei the questions that hau
uiiven us so haiu We iemembeieu who the Nagual woman was wheie
she fit among us what hei iole hau been We ueuuceu moie than
iemembeieu that we hau spent equal amounts of time with uon Juan
anu uon Genaro in noimal states of awaieness anu with uon Juan anu
his othei companions in states of heighteneu awaieness We iecaptuieu
eveiy nuance of those inteiactions which hau been veileu by intensity
0pon a thoughtful ieview of what we hau founu we iealizeu that we
hau biiugeu the two siues of ouiselves in a minimal fashion We tuineu
then to othei topics new questions that hau come to take pieceuence
ovei the olu ones
Theie weie thiee subjects thiee questions that summaiizeu all of
oui conceins Who was uon Juan anu who weie his companions What
hau they ieally uone to us Anu wheie hau all of them gone
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait thiee The Rule of the
Nagual
veision
The Eagles uift by Carlos Castaneda Pait thiee The Eagles
uift
The Rule of the Nagual
Bon Juan hau been extiemely spaiing with infoimation about his
backgiounu anu peisonal life Bis ieticence ieticence not volunteeiing
anything moie than necessaiy was funuamentally a uiuactic uiuactic
instiuctive uevice As fai as he was conceineu his time began when he
became a waiiioi Anything that hau happeneu to him befoie was of veiy
little consequence
All la Gorda anu I knew about his eaily life was that he was boin in
Arizona of Yaqui anu Yuma Inuian paientage When he was still an
infant his paients took him to live with the Yaquis in noithein Nexico
At ten yeais of age he was caught in the tiue of the Yaqui wais Bis
mothei was killeu then anu his fathei was appiehenueu by the Nexican
aimy Both uon Juan anu his fathei weie sent to a ielocation centei in the
faithest southein state of Yucatan Be giew up theie
Whatevei happeneu to him uuiing that peiiou was nevei uiscloseu to
us Bon Juan believeu theie was no neeu to tell us about it I felt
otheiwise The impoitance that I gave to that segment of his life aiose
fiom my eiioneous conviction that the uistinctive featuies anu the
emphasis of his leaueiship giew out of that peisonal inventoiy of
expeiience
But that inventoiy impoitant as it might have been was not what
gave him the paiamount significance he hau in oui eyes anu in the eyes of
his othei companions Bis total pieeminence pieeminence high status
impoitance owing to maikeu supeiioiity iesteu on the foituitous act of
becoming involveu with the iule
Being involveu with the iule may be uesciibeu as living a myth Bon
Juan liveu a myth a myth that caught him anu maue him the Nagual
Bon Juan saiu that when the iule caught him he was an aggiessive
uniuly man living in exile as thousanus of othei Yaqui Inuians fiom
noithein Nexico liveu at that time Be woikeu in the tobacco plantations
of southein Nexico
0ne uay aftei woik in a neaily fatal encountei with a fellow woikei
ovei matteis of money he was shot in the chest
When he iegaineu consciousness an olu Inuian was leaning ovei him
poking the small wounu in his chest with his fingeis The bullet hau not
penetiateu the chest cavity but was lougeu in the muscle against a iib
Bon Juan fainteu two oi thiee times fiom shock loss of bloou anu in his
own woius fiom feai of uying The olu Inuian iemoveu the bullet anu
since uon Juan hau no place to stay the olu Inuian took uon Juan to his
own house anu nuiseu him foi ovei a month
The olu Inuian was kinu but seveie 0ne uay when uon Juan was
faiily stiong anu almost iecoveieu the olu man gave him a sounu blow
on his back anu foiceu him into a state of heighteneu awaieness Then
without any fuithei pieliminaiies he ievealeu to uon Juan the poition of
the iule which peitaineu to the Nagual anu his iole
Bon Juan uiu exactly the same thing with me anu with la Gorda Be
maue us shift levels of awaieness anu tolu us the iule of the Nagual in
the following way
The powei that goveins the uestiny of all living beings is calleu the
Eagle not because it is an eagle oi has anything to uo with an eagle but
because it appeais to the seei as an immeasuiable jetblack eagle
stanuing eiect as an eagle stanus its height ieaching to infinity
As the seei gazes on the blackness that the Eagle is foui blazes of
light ieveal what the Eagle is like
The fiist blaze which is like a bolt of lightning helps the seei make
out the contouis of the Eagles bouy Theie aie patches of whiteness that
look like an eagles featheis anu talons
A seconu blaze of lightning ieveals the flapping winucieating
blackness that looks like an eagles wings
With the thiiu blaze of lightning the seei beholus a pieicing inhuman
eye
The fouith anu last blaze uiscloses what the Eagle is uoing
The Eagle is uevouiing the awaieness of all the cieatuies that a
moment befoie weie alive on eaith aie now ueau anu have floateu to
the Eagles beak like a ceaseless swaim of fiieflies to meet theii ownei
this being theii ieason foi having hau life
The Eagle uisentangles these tiny flames lays them flat like a tannei
stietches out a hiue anu then consumes them foi awaieness is the
Eagles foou
The Eagle the powei that goveins the uestinies of all living things
ieflects equally anu at once all those living things
Theie is no way theiefoie foi man to piay to the Eagle to ask favois
oi to hope foi giace The human pait of the Eagle is too insignificant to
move the whole
It is only fiom the Eagles actions that a seei can tell what it wants
The Eagle although it is not moveu by the ciicumstances of any living
thing has gianteu a gift to each of those beings
In those beings own way anu by iight any one of them if it so
uesiies has the powei to keep the flame of awaieness the powei to
uisobey the summons to uie anu be consumeu
Eveiy living thing has been gianteu the powei if it so uesiies to seek
an opening to fieeuom anu to go thiough it It is eviuent to the seei who
sees the opening anu to the cieatuies that go thiough it that the Eagle
has gianteu that gift in oiuei to peipetuate awaieness
Foi the puipose of guiuing living things to that opening the Eagle
cieateu the Nagual The Nagual is a uouble being to whom the iule has
been ievealeu
Whethei the Nagual be in the foim of a human being an animal a
plant oi anything else that lives the Nagual by viitue of its uoubleness is
uiawn to seek that hiuuen passageway
In human beings the Nagual comes in paiis male anu female A
uouble man anu a uouble woman become the Nagual only aftei the iule
has been tolu to each of them anu each of them has unueistoou it anu
accepteu it in full
To the eye of the seei a Nagual man oi Nagual woman appeais as a
luminous egg with foui compaitments
0nlike the aveiage human being who has two siues only a left anu a
iight the Nagual has a left siue uiviueu into two long sections anu a
iight siue equally uiviueu in two
The Eagle cieateu the fiist Nagual man anu Nagual woman as seeis
anu immeuiately put them in the woilu to see
The Eagle pioviueu them with foui female waiiiois who weie
stalkers thiee male waiiiois anu one male couiiei whom the Nagual
paii weie to nouiish enhance anu leau to fieeuom
The female waiiiois aie calleu the foui uiiections the foui coineis of
a squaie the foui moous the foui winus anu aie the foui uiffeient
female peisonalities that exist in the human iace
The fiist is the east She is calleu oiuei She is optimistic light
heaiteu smooth anu peisistent like a steauy bieeze
The seconu is the noith She is calleu stiength She is iesouiceful
blunt uiiect anu tenacious like a haiu winu
The thiiu is the west She is calleu feeling She is intiospective
iemoiseful cunning anu sly like a colu gust of winu
The fouith is the south She is calleu giowth She is nuituiing louu
shy anu waim like a hot winu
The thiee male waiiiois anu the couiiei aie iepiesentative of the
foui types of male activity anu tempeiament
The fiist type is the knowleugeable man the scholai a noble
uepenuable anu seiene man fully ueuicateu to accomplishing his task
whatevei it may be
The seconu type is the man of action highly volatile anu a gieat
humoious fickle companion
The thiiu type is the oiganizei behinu the scenes the mysteiious
unknowable man Nothing can be saiu about him because he allows
nothing about himself to slip out
The couiiei is the fouith type Be is the assistant a tacituin
tacituin habitually ieseiveu anu uncommunicative sombei man who
uoes veiy well if piopeily uiiecteu but who cannot stanu on his own
In oiuei to make things easiei the Eagle showeu the Nagual man anu
Nagual woman that each of these types among men anu women of the
eaith has specific featuies in theii luminous bouies
The scholai has a soit of shallow uent a biight uepiession at his solai
plexus In some men it appeais as a pool of intense luminosity
sometimes smooth anu shiny like a miiioi without a ieflection
The man of action has some fibeis emanating fiom the aiea of the
will The numbei of fibeis vaiies fiom one to five anu theii size ianges
fiom a meie stiing to a thick whiplike tentacle up to eight feet long
Some men of action have as many as thiee of these fibeis uevelopeu into
tentacles
The man behinu the scenes is iecognizeu not by a featuie but by his
ability to cieate quite involuntaiily a buist of powei that effectively
blocks the attention of seeis When in the piesence of this type of man
seeis finu themselves immeiseu in extianeous uetail iathei than seeing
The assistant has no obvious configuiation To seeis he appeais as a
cleai glow in a flawless shell of luminosity
In the female iealm the east is iecognizeu by the almost
impeiceptible blotches in hei luminosity something like small aieas of
uiscoloiation
The noith has an oveiall iauiation She exuues a ieuuish glow almost
like heat
The west has a tenuous film enveloping hei a film which makes hei
appeai uaikei than the otheis
The south has an inteimittent glow she shines foi a moment anu
then gets uull only to shine again
The Nagual man anu the Nagual woman have two uiffeient
movements in theii luminous bouies Theii iight siues wave while theii
left siues whiil
In teims of peisonality the Nagual man is suppoitive steauy
unchangeable The Nagual woman is a being at wai anu yet ielaxeu evei
awaie but without stiain Both of them ieflect the foui types of theii sex
as foui ways of behaving
The fiist commanu that the Eagle gave the Nagual man anu Nagual
woman was to finu on theii own anothei set of foui female waiiiois
foui uiiections who weie the exact ieplicas of the stalkers but who weie
uieameis
Bieameis appeai to a seei as having an apion of haiilike fibeis at
theii midsections Stalkers have a similai apronlike featuie but
insteau of fibeis the apion consists of countless small iounu
piotubeiances
The eight female waiiiois aie uiviueu into two banus which aie
calleu the iight anu left planets The iight planet is maue up of foui
stalkers the left of foui uieameis The waiiiois of each planet weie
taught by the Eagle the iule of theii specific task stalkers weie taught
stalking uieameis weie taught uieaming
The two female waiiiois of each uiiection live togethei They aie so
alike that they miiioi each othei anu only thiough impeccability can
they finu solace anu challenge in each otheis ieflection
The only time when the foui uieameis oi foui stalkers get togethei
is when they have to accomplish a stienuous task
But only unuei special ciicumstances shoulu the foui of them join
hanus because theii touch fuses them into one being This shoulu be uone
only in cases of uiie neeu oi at the moment of leaving this woilu
The two female waiiiois of each uiiection aie attacheu to one of the
males in any combination that is necessaiy Thus they make a set of foui
householus which aie capable of incoipoiating as many waiiiois as
neeueu
The male waiiiois anu the couiiei can also foim an inuepenuent unit
of foui men oi each can function as a solitaiy being as uictateu by
necessity
Next the Nagual anu his paity weie commanueu to finu thiee moie
couiieis These coulu be all males oi all females oi a mixeu set but the
male couiieis hau to be of the fouith type of man the assistant anu the
females hau to be fiom the south
In oiuei to make suie that the fiist Nagual man woulu leau his paity
to fieeuom anu not ueviate fiom that path oi become coiiupteu the
Eagle took the Nagual woman to the othei woilu to seive as a beacon
guiuing the paity to the opening
The Nagual anu his waiiiois weie then commanueu to foiget
They weie plungeu into uaikness anu weie given new tasks the task
of iemembeiing themselves anu the task of iemembeiing the Eagle
The commanu to foiget was so gieat that eveiyone was sepaiateu
They uiu not iemembei who they weie The Eagle intenueu that if they
weie capable of iemembeiing themselves again they woulu finu the
totality of themselves
0nly then woulu they have the stiength anu forebearance necessaiy
to seek anu face theii uefinitive jouiney
Theii last task aftei they hau iegaineu the totality of themselves was
to get a new paii of uouble beings anu tiansfoim them into a new Nagual
man anu a new Nagual woman by viitue of ievealing the iule to them
Anu just as the fiist Nagual man anu Nagual woman hau been
pioviueu with a minimal paity they hau to supply the new paii of
Naguals with foui female waiiiois who weie stalkers thiee male
waiiiois anu one male couiiei
When the fiist Nagual anu his paity weie ieauy to go thiough the
passageway the fiist Nagual woman was waiting to guiue them
They weie oiueieu then to take the new Nagual woman with them to
the othei woilu to seive as a beacon foi hei people leaving the new
Nagual man in the woilu to iepeat the cycle
While in the woilu the minimal numbei unuei a Naguals leaueiship
is sixteen eight female waiiiois thiee male waiiiois foui couiieis anu
the Nagual himself
At the moment of leaving the woilu when the new Nagual woman is
with them the Naguals numbei is seventeen If his peisonal powei
peimits him to have moie waiiiois then moie must be auueu in
multiples of foui
I hau confionteu uon Juan with the question of how the iule became
known to man Be explaineu that the iule was enuless anu coveieu eveiy
facet of a waiiiois behavioi The inteipietation anu the accumulation of
the iule is the woik of seeis whose only task thioughout the ages has
been to see the Eagle to obseive its ceaseless flux
Fiom theii obseivations the seeis have concluueu that pioviuing the
luminous shell that compiises ones humanness has been bioken it is
possible to finu in the Eagle the faint ieflection of man The Eagles
iiievocable uictums can then be appiehenueu by seeis piopeily
inteipieteu by them anu accumulateu in the foim of a goveining bouy
Bon Juan explaineu that the iule was not a tale anu that to cioss ovei
to fieeuom uiu not mean eteinal life as eteinity is commonly unueistoou
that is as living foievei
What the iule stateu was that one coulu keep the awaieness which is
oiuinaiily ielinquisheu at the moment of uying
Bon Juan coulu not explain what it meant to keep that awaieness oi
peihaps he coulu not even conceive of it Bis benefactoi hau tolu him that
at the moment of ciossing one enteis into the thiiu attention anu the
bouy in its entiiety is kinuleu with knowleuge Eveiy cell at once
becomes awaie of itself anu also awaie of the totality of the bouy
Bis benefactoi hau also tolu him that this kinu of awaieness is
meaningless to oui compaitmentalizeu minus Theiefoie the ciux of the
waiiiois stiuggle was not so much to iealize that the ciossing ovei
stateu in the iule meant ciossing to the thiiu attention but iathei to
conceive that theie exists such an awaieness at all
Bon Juan saiu that in the beginning the iule was to him something
stiictly in the iealm of woius Be coulu not imagine how it coulu lapse
into the uomain of the actual woilu anu its ways
0nuei the effective guiuance of his benefactoi howevei anu aftei a
gieat ueal of woik he finally succeeueu in giasping the tiue natuie of the
iule anu totally accepteu it as a set of piagmatic uiiectives iathei than a
myth Fiom then on he hau no pioblem in uealing with the ieality of the
thiiu attention
The only obstacle in his way aiose fiom his being so thoioughly
convinceu that the iule was a map that he believeu he hau to look foi a
liteial opening in the woilu a passageway Somehow he hau become
neeulessly stuck at the fiist level of a waiiiois uevelopment
Bon Juans own woik as a leauei anu teachei as a iesult was
uiiecteu at helping the appientices anu especially me to avoiu iepeating
his mistake What he succeeueu in uoing with us was to leau us thiough
the thiee stages of a waiiiois uevelopment without oveiemphasizing
any of them
Fiist he guiueu us to take the iule as a map then he guiueu us to the
unueistanuing that one can attain a paiamount awaieness because theie
is such a thing anu finally he guiueu us to an actual passageway into that
othei concealeu woilu of awaieness
In oiuei to leau us thiough the fiist stage the acceptance of the iule
as a map uon Juan took the section which peitains to the Nagual anu his
iole anu showeu us that it coiiesponus to unequivocal facts
Be accomplisheu this by allowing us to have while we weie in stages
of heighteneu awaieness an uniestiicteu inteiaction with the membeis
of his gioup who weie the living peisonifications of the eight types of
people uesciibeu by the iule
As we inteiacteu with them moie complex anu inclusive aspects of
the iule weie ievealeu to us until we weie capable of iealizing that we
weie caught in the netwoik of something which at fiist we hau
conceptualizeu as a myth but which in essence was a map
Bon Juan tolu us that in this iespect his case hau been iuentical to
ouis Bis benefactoi helpeu him go thiough that fiist stage by allowing
him the same type of inteiaction To that effect he maue him shift back
anu foith fiom the iight siue to the left siue awaieness just as uon Juan
hau uone to us 0n the left siue he intiouuceu him to the membeis of his
own gioup the eight female anu thiee male waiiiois anu the foui
couiieis who weie as is manuatoiy the stiictest examples of the types
uesciibeu by the iule
The impact of knowing them anu uealing with them was staggeiing to
uon Juan Not only uiu it foice him to iegaiu the iule as a factual guiue
but it maue him iealize the magnituue of oui unknown possibilities
Be saiu that by the time all the membeis of his own gioup hau been
gatheieu he was so ueeply committeu to the waiiiois way that he took
foi gianteu the fact that without any oveit effoit on anybouys pait they
hau tuineu out to be peifect ieplicas of the waiiiois of his benefactois
paity The similaiity of theii peisonal likes uislikes affiliations anu so
foith was not a iesult of imitation Bon Juan saiu that they belongeu as
the iule hau stateu to specific blocks of people who hau the same input
anu output The only uiffeiences among membeis of the same block weie
in the pitch of theii voices anu the sounu of theii laughtei
In tiying to explain to me the effects that the inteiaction with his
benefactois waiiiois hau hau on him uon Juan toucheu on the subject of
the veiy meaningful uiffeience between his benefactoi anu himself in
how they inteipieteu the iule anu also in how they leu anu taught othei
waiiiois to accept it as a map
Be saiu that theie aie two types of inteipietations univeisal anu
inuiviuual 0niveisal inteipietations take the statements that make up
the bouy of the iule at face value An example woulu be to say that the
Eagle uoes not caie about mans actions anu yet it has pioviueu man with
a passageway to fieeuom
An inuiviuual inteipietation on the othei hanu is a cuiient
conclusion aiiiveu at by seeis using univeisal inteipietations as
piemises An example woulu be to say that because of the Eagles lack of
concein I woulu have to make suie that my chances to ieach fieeuom aie
enhanceu peihaps by my own ueuication
Accoiuing to uon Juan he anu his benefactoi weie quite uiffeient in
the methous they useu to leau theii waius Bon Juan saiu that his
benefactois moue was seveiity he leu with an iion hanu anu following
his conviction that with the Eagle fiee hanuouts aie out of the question
he nevei uiu anything foi anyone in a uiiect way Insteau he actively
helpeu eveiyone to help themselves Be consiueieu that the Eagles gift of
fieeuom is not a bestowal but a chance to have a chance
Bon Juan although he appieciateu the meiits of his benefactois
methou uisagieeu with it Latei on when he was on his own he himself
saw that it wasteu piecious time Foi him it was moie expeuient to
piesent eveiyone with a given situation anu foice them to accept it
iathei than wait until they weie ieauy to face it on theii own That was
his methou with me anu the othei appientices
The instance in which that uiffeience in leaueiship hau the gieatest
beaiing foi uon Juan was uuiing the manuatoiy inteiaction that he hau
with his benefactois waiiiois The commanu of the iule was that his
benefactoi hau to finu foi uon Juan fiist a Nagual woman anu then a
gioup of foui women anu foui men to make up his waiiiois paity
Bis benefactoi saw that uon Juan uiu not yet have enough peisonal
powei to assume the iesponsibility of a Nagual woman anu so he
ieveiseu the sequence anu askeu the females of his own gioup to finu
uon Juan the foui women fiist anu then the foui men
Bon Juan confesseu that he was enthialleu with the iuea of such a
ieveisal Be hau unueistoou that those women weie foi his use anu in
his minu that meant sexual use Bis uownfall howevei was to ieveal his
expectations to his benefactoi who immeuiately put uon Juan in contact
with the men anu women of his own paity anu left him alone to inteiact
with them
Foi uon Juan to meet those waiiiois was a tiue oiueal not only
because they weie uelibeiately uifficult with him but because the natuie
of that encountei is meant to be a bieakthiough
Bon Juan saiu that inteiaction in the leftsiue awaieness cannot take
place unless all the paiticipants shaie that state This was why he woulu
not let us entei into the leftsiue awaieness except to caiiy on oui
inteiaction with his waiiiois That was the pioceuuie his benefactoi hau
followeu with him
Bon Juan gave me a biief account of what hau taken place uuiing his
fiist meeting with the membeis of his benefactois gioup Bis iuea was
that I coulu use his expeiience peihaps as a sample of what to expect
Be saiu that his benefactois woilu hau a magnificent iegulaiity The
membeis of his paity weie Inuian waiiiois fiom all ovei Nexico At the
time he met them they liveu in a iemote mountainous aiea in southein
Nexico
0pon ieaching theii house uon Juan was confionteu with two
iuentical women the biggest Inuian women he hau evei seen They weie
sulky anu mean but hau veiy pleasing featuies
When he tiieu to go between them they caught him between theii
enoimous bellies giabbeu his aims anu staiteu beating him up They
thiew him to the giounu anu sat on him neaily ciushing his iib cage
They kept him immobilizeu foi ovei twelve houis while they conuucteu
onthespot negotiations with his benefactoi who hau to talk nonstop
thioughout the night until they finally let uon Juan get up aiounu
miumoining
Be saiu that what scaieu him the most was the ueteimination that
showeu in the eyes of those women Be thought he was uone foi that
they weie going to sit on him until he uieu as they hau saiu they woulu
Noimally theie shoulu have been a waiting peiiou of a few weeks
befoie meeting the next set of waiiiois but uue to the fact that his
benefactoi was planning to leave him in theii miust uon Juan was
immeuiately taken to meet the otheis Be met eveiyone in one uay anu
all of them tieateu him like uiit
They aigueu that he was not the man foi the job that he was too
coaise anu way too stupiu young but alieauy senile in his ways Bis
benefactoi aigueu biilliantly in his uefense Be tolu them that they coulu
change those conuitions anu that it shoulu be an ultimate uelight foi
them anu foi uon Juan to take up that challenge
Bon Juan saiu that his fiist impiession was iight Foi him theie was
only woik anu haiuship fiom then on The women saw that uon Juan was
uniuly anu coulu not be tiusteu to fulfill the complex anu uelicate task of
leauing foui women
Since they weie seeis themselves they maue theii own inuiviuual
inteipietation of the iule anu ueciueu that it woulu be moie helpful foi
uon Juan to have the foui male waiiiois fiist anu then the foui females
Bon Juan saiu that theii seeing hau been coiiect because in oiuei to ueal
with women waiiiois a Nagual has to be in a state of consummate
peisonal powei a state of seienity anu contiol in which human feelings
play a minimal pait a state which at the time was inconceivable foi him
Bis benefactoi put him unuei the uiiect supeivision of his two
westeily women the most fieice anu uncompiomising waiiiois of them
all Bon Juan saiu that all westeily women in accoiuance with the iule
aie iaving mau anu have to be caieu foi 0nuei the uuiess of uieaming
anu stalking they lose theii iight siues theii minus Theii ieason buins
up easily uue to the fact that theii leftsiue awaieness is extiaoiuinaiily
keen 0nce they lose theii iational siue they aie peeiless uieameis anu
stalkers since they no longei have any iational ballast to holu them back
Bon Juan saiu that those women cuieu him of his lust Foi six months
he spent most of his time in a hainess suspenueu fiom the ceiling of theii
iuial kitchen like a ham that was being smokeu until he was thoioughly
puiifieu fiom thoughts of gain anu peisonal giatification
Bon Juan explaineu that a leathei hainess is a supeib uevice foi
cuiing ceitain malauies that aie not physical The iuea is that the highei a
peison is suspenueu anu the longei that peison is kept fiom touching the
giounu by uangling in miuaii the bettei the possibilities of a tiue
cleansing effect
While he was being cleanseu by the westeily waiiiois the othei
women weie involveu in the piocess of finuing the men anu the women
foi his paity It took yeais to accomplish this Bon Juan in the meantime
was foiceu to inteiact with all his benefactois waiiiois by himself
The piesence of those waiiiois anu his contact with them was so
oveiwhelming to uon Juan that he believeu he woulu nevei get out fiom
unuei them The iesult was his total anu liteial auheience to the bouy of
the iule
Bon Juan saiu that he spent iiieplaceable time ponueiing the
existence of an actual passageway into the othei woilu Be vieweu such a
concein as a pitfall to be avoiueu at all costs To piotect me fiom it he
alloweu the iequiieu intei action with the membeis of his gioup to be
caiiieu on while I was piotecteu by the piesence of la Gorda oi any of
the othei appientices
In my case meeting uon Juans waiiiois was the enu iesult of a long
piocess Theie was nevei any mention of them in casual conveisations
with uon Juan I knew of theii existence solely by infeience fiom the iule
which he was ievealing to me in installments Latei on he aumitteu that
they existeu anu that eventually I woulu have to meet them Be piepaieu
me foi the encountei by giving me geneial instiuctions anu pointeis
Be waineu me about a common eiioi that of oveiestimating the left
siue awaieness of becoming uazzleu by its claiity anu powei Be saiu
that to be in the leftsiue awaieness uoes not mean that one is
immeuiately libeiateu fiom ones folly it only means an extenueu
capacity foi peiceiving a gieatei facility to unueistanu anu leain anu
above all a gieatei ability to foiget
As the time appioacheu foi me to meet uon Juans own waiiiois he
again gave me a scanty uesciiption of his benefactois paity as a
guiueline foi my own use Be saiu that to an onlookei his benefactois
woilu may have appeaieu at ceitain times as consisting of foui
householus The fiist was foimeu by the southeily women anu the
Naguals couiiei the seconu by the easteily women the scholai anu a
male couiiei the thiiu by the noitheily women the man of action anu
anothei male couiiei anu the fouith by the westeily women the man
behinu the scenes anu a thiiu male couiiei
At othei times that woilu may have seemeu to be composeu of
gioups Theie was a gioup of foui thoioughly uissimilai oluei men who
weie uon Juans benefactoi anu his thiee male waiiiois Then a gioup of
foui men who weie veiy similai to one anothei who weie the couiieis A
gioup composeu of two sets of appaiently iuentical female twins who
liveu togethei anu weie the southeily anu easteily women
Anu two othei sets of appaiently sisteis who weie the noitheily anu
westeily women
None of these women weie ielatives they just lookeu alike because
of the enoimous amount of peisonal powei that uon Juans benefactoi
hau Bon Juan uesciibeu the southeily women as being two mastouons
scaiy in appeaiance but veiy fiienuly anu waim The easteily women
weie veiy beautiful fiesh anu funny a tiue uelight to the eyes anu the
eais The noitheily women weie utteily womanly vain coquettish
coquettish like a seuuctive woman who uses hei sex appeal to exploit
men conceineu with theii aging but also teiiibly uiiect anu impatient
The westeily women weie mau at times anu at othei times they weie
the epitome of seveiity anu puipose They weie the ones who uistuibeu
uon Juan the most because he coulu not ieconcile the fact that they weie
so sobei kinu anu helpful with the fact that at any given moment they
coulu lose theii composuie anu be iaving mau
The men on the othei hanu weie in no way memoiable to uon Juan
Be thought that theie was nothing iemaikable about them They seemeu
to have been thoioughly absoibeu by the shocking foice of the womens
ueteimination anu by his benefactois oveipoweiing peisonality
Insofai as his own awakening was conceineu uon Juan saiu that
upon being thiust into his benefactois woilu he iealizeu how easy anu
convenient it hau been foi him to go thiough life with no selfiestiaint
Be unueistoou that his mistake hau been to believe that his goals weie
the only woithwhile ones a man coulu have
All his life he hau been a paupei Bis consuming ambition theiefoie
was to have mateiial possessions to be somebouy Be hau been so
pieoccupieu with his uesiie to get aheau anu his uespaii at not being
successful that he hau hau no time foi examining anything Be hau glauly
siueu with his benefactoi because he iealizeu that he was being offeieu
an oppoitunity to make something of himself If nothing else he thought
he might leain to be a soiceiei Be conceiveu that immeision in his
benefactois woilu might have an effect on him analogous to the effect of
the Spanish Conquest on the Inuian cultuie It uestioyeu eveiything but
it also foiceu a shatteiing selfexamination
Ny iesponse to the piepaiations to meet uon Juans paity of waiiiois
was not stiangely enough awe oi feai but a petty intellectual concein
about two topics The fiist was the pioposition that theie aie only foui
types of men anu foui types of women in the woilu I aigueu with uon
Juan that the iange of inuiviuual vaiiation in people is too gieat foi such
a simple scheme Be uisagieeu with me Be saiu that the iule was final
anu that it uiu not allow foi an inuefinite numbei of types of people
The seconu topic was the cultuial context of uon Juans knowleuge
Be uiu not know that himself Be vieweu it as the piouuct of a soit of
PanIndianism Bis conjectuie about its oiigin was that at one time in
the Inuian woilu piioi to the Conquest the hanuling of the seconu
attention became vitiateu vitiateu iuineu in chaiactei oi quality
It was uevelopeu without any hinuiance ovei peihaps thousanus of
yeais to the point that it lost its stiength The piactitioneis of that time
may have hau no neeu foi contiols anu thus without iestiaint the
seconu attention insteau of becoming stiongei became weakei by viitue
of its incieaseu intiicacy
Then the Spanish invaueis came anu with theii supeiioi technology
uestioyeu the Inuian woilu Bon Juan saiu that his benefactoi was
convinceu that only a hanuful of those waiiiois suiviveu anu weie
capable of ieassembling theii knowleuge anu ieuiiecting theii path
Whatevei uon Juan anu his benefactoi knew about the seconu attention
was the iestiuctuieu veision a new veision which hau builtin iestiaints
because it hau been foigeu unuei the haishest conuitions of suppiession
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait thiee The Naguals
Paity of Waiiiois
veision
uift
The Naguals Paity of Waiiiois
When uon Juan juugeu that the time was iight foi me to have my fiist
encountei with his waiiiois he maue me shift levels of awaieness Be
then maue it peifectly cleai that he woulu have nothing to uo with theii
way of meeting me Be waineu me that if they ueciueu to beat me he
coulu not stop them They coulu uo anything they wanteu except kill me
Be stiesseu ovei anu ovei again that the waiiiois of his paity weie a
peifect ieplica of his benefactois except that some of the women weie
moie fieice anu all the men weie utteily unique anu poweiful
Theiefoie my fiist encountei with them might iesemble a heauon
collision
I was neivous anu appiehensive on the one hanu but cuiious on the
othei Ny minu was iunning wilu with enuless speculations most of
them about what the waiiiois woulu look like
Bon Juan saiu that he hau the choice eithei of coaching me to
memoiize an elaboiate iitual as he hau been maue to uo oi of making it
the most casual encountei possible Be waiteu foi an omen to point out
which alteinative to take
Bis benefactoi hau uone something similai only he hau insisteu uon
Juan leain the iitual befoie the omen piesenteu itself When uon Juan
ievealeu his sexual uayuieams of sleeping with foui women his
benefactoi inteipieteu it as the omen chuckeu the iitual anu enueu up
pleauing like a hog uealei foi uon Juans life
In my case uon Juan wanteu an omen befoie he taught me the iitual
That omen came when uon Juan anu I weie uiiving thiough a boiuei
town in Arizona anu a policeman stoppeu me The policeman thought I
was an illegal alien 0nly aftei I hau shown him my passpoit which he
suspecteu of being a foigeiy anu othei uocuments uiu he let me go
Bon Juan hau been in the fiont seat next to me all the time anu the
policeman hau not given him a seconu glance Be hau focuseu solely on
me Bon Juan thought the inciuent was the omen he was waiting foi Bis
inteipietation of it was that it woulu be veiy uangeious foi me to call
attention to myself anu he concluueu that my woilu hau to be one of
uttei simplicity anu canuoi elaboiate iitual anu pomp weie out of
chaiactei foi me
Be conceueu howevei that a minimal obseivance of iitualistic
patteins was in oiuei when I maue my acquaintance with his waiiiois I
hau to begin by appioaching them fiom the south because that is the
uiiection that powei follows in its ceaseless flux Life foice flows to us
fiom the south anu leaves us flowing towaiu the noith Be saiu that the
only opening to a Naguals woilu was thiough the south anu that the
gate was maue by two female waiiiois who woulu have to gieet me anu
who woulu let me go thiough if they so ueciueu
Be took me to a town in cential Nexico to a house in the countiysiue
As we appioacheu it on foot fiom a southeily uiiection I saw two
massive Inuian women stanuing foui feet apait facing each othei They
weie about thiity oi foity feet away fiom the main uooi of the house in
an aiea wheie the uiit was haiupackeu
The two women weie extiaoiuinaiily musculai anu stein Both hau
long jetblack haii helu togethei in a single thick biaiu They lookeu like
sisteis They weie about the same height anu weight I figuieu that they
must have been aiounu five feet foui anu weigheu pounus 0ne of
them was extiemely uaik almost black the othei much lightei They
weie uiesseu like typical Inuian women fiom cential Nexico with long
full uiesses anu shawls anu homemaue sanuals
Bon Juan maue me stop thiee feet fiom them Be tuineu to the
woman on oui left anu maue me face hei Be saiu that hei name was
Cecilia anu that she was a uieamei Be then tuineu abiuptly without
giving me time to say anything anu maue me face the uaikei woman to
oui iight Be saiu that hei name was Delia anu that she was a stalkei
The women nouueu at me They uiu not smile oi move to shake hanus
with me oi make any gestuie of welcome
Bon Juan walkeu between them as if they weie two columns maiking
a gate Be took a couple of steps anu tuineu as if waiting foi the women
to invite me to go thiough The women staieu at me calmly foi a moment
Then Cecilia askeu me to come in as if I weie at the thiesholu of an actual
uooi
Bon Juan leu the way to the house At the fiont uooi we founu a man
Be was veiy slenuei At fiist sight he lookeu extiemely young but on
closei examination he appeaieu to be in his late fifties Be gave me the
impiession of being an olu chilu small wiiy with penetiating uaik eyes
Be was like an elfish appaiition a shauow Bon Juan intiouuceu him to
me as Emilito anu saiu that he was his couiiei anu allaiounu helpei
who woulu welcome me on his behalf
It seemeu to me that Emilito was inueeu the most appiopiiate being
to welcome anyone Bis smile was iauiant Bis small teeth weie peifectly
even Be shook hanus with me oi iathei he ciosseu his foieaims anu
claspeu both my hanus Be seemeu to be exuuing enjoyment Anyone
woulu have swoin that he was ecstatic in meeting me Bis voice was veiy
soft anu his eyes spaikleu
We walkeu into a laige ioom Theie was anothei woman theie Bon
Juan saiu that hei name was Teresa anu that she was Cecilias anu
Delias couiiei She was peihaps in hei eaily thiities anu she uefinitely
lookeu like Cecilias uaughtei She was veiy quiet but veiy fiienuly
We followeu uon Juan to the back of the house wheie theie was a
ioofeu poich It was a waim uay We sat theie aiounu a table anu aftei a
fiugal uinnei we talkeu until aftei miunight
Emilito was the host Be chaimeu anu uelighteu eveiyone with his
exotic stoiies The women openeu up They weie a gieat auuience foi
him To heai the womens laughtei was an exquisite pleasuie They weie
tiemenuously musculai bolu anu physical At one point when Emilito
saiu that Cecilia anu Delia weie like two motheis to him anu Teresa
like a uaughtei they pickeu him up anu tosseu him in the aii like a chilu
0f the two women Delia seemeu the moie iational uowntoeaith
Cecilia was peihaps moie aloof but appeaieu to have gieatei innei
stiength She gave me the impiession of being moie intoleiant oi moie
impatient She seemeu to get annoyeu with some of Emilitos stoiies
Nonetheless she was uefinitely on the euge of hei chaii when he
woulu tell what he calleu his tales of eteinity Be woulu pieface eveiy
stoiy with the phiase Bo you ueai fiienus know that
The stoiy that impiesseu me most was about some cieatuies that he
saiu existeu in the univeise who weie the closest thing to human beings
without being human cieatuies who weie obsesseu against movement
anu weie capable of uetecting the slightest fluctuation insiue themselves
oi aiounu them These cieatuies weie so sensitive to motion that it was a
cuise to them It gave them such pain that theii ultimate ambition was to
finu quietuue
Emilito woulu inteispeise his tales of eteinity with the most
outiageous uiity jokes Because of his incieuible gifts as a iaconteui I
unueistoou eveiy one of his stoiies as a metaphoi oi a paiable with
which he was teaching us something
Bon Juan saiu that Emilito was meiely iepoiting about things he hau
witnesseu in his jouineys thiough eteinity The iole of a couiiei was to
tiavel aheau of the Nagual like a scout in a militaiy opeiation Emilito
went to the limits of the seconu attention anu whatevei he witnesseu he
passeu on to the otheis
Ny seconu encountei with uon Juans waiiiois was just as contiiveu
as the fiist 0ne uay uon Juan maue me shift levels of awaieness anu tolu
me that I hau a seconu appointment Be maue me uiive to Zacatecas in
noithein Nexico We aiiiveu theie veiy eaily in the moining Bon Juan
saiu that that was only a stopovei anu that we hau until the next uay to
ielax befoie we embaikeu on my seconu foimal meeting to make the
acquaintance of the eastein women anu the scholai waiiioi of his paity
Be explaineu then an intiicate anu uelicate point of choice Be saiu
that we hau met the south anu the couiiei in the midafternoon because
he hau maue an inuiviuual inteipietation of the iule anu hau pickeu that
houi to iepiesent the night The south was ieally the night a waim
fiienuly cozy night anu piopeily we shoulu have gone to meet the two
southeily women aftei miunight Bowevei that woulu have been
inauspicious foi me because my geneial uiiection was towaiu the light
towaiu optimism an optimism that woiks itself haimoniously into the
mysteiy of uaikness Be saiu that that was piecisely what we hau uone
that uay We hau enjoyeu each otheis company anu talkeu until it was
pitchblack I hau wonueieu why they uiu not light theii lanteins
Bon Juan saiu that the east on the othei hanu was the moining the
light anu that we woulu meet the easteily women the next uay at
miumoining
Befoie bieakfast we went to the plaza anu sat uown on a bench Bon
Juan tolu me that he wanteu me to iemain theie anu wait foi him while
he ian some eiianus Be left anu shoitly aftei he hau gone a woman
came anu sat uown on the othei enu of the bench
I uiu not pay any attention to hei anu staiteu ieauing a newspapei A
moment latei anothei woman joineu hei I wanteu to move to anothei
bench but I iemembeieu that uon Juan hau specifically saiu that I shoulu
sit theie
I hau tuineu my back to the women anu hau even foigotten that they
weie theie since they weie so quiet when a man gieeteu them anu stoou
facing me I became awaie fiom theii conveisation that the women hau
been waiting foi him The man apologizeu foi being late Be obviously
wanteu to sit uown I sliu ovei to make ioom foi him
Be thankeu me piofusely anu apologizeu foi inconveniencing me Be
saiu that they weie absolutely lost in the city because they weie iuial
people anu that once they hau been to Nexico City anu hau neaily uieu in
the tiaffic Be askeu me if I liveu in Zacatecas I saiu no anu I was going
to enu oui conveisation iight theie but theie was something veiy
winning about his smile
Be was an olu man but was iemaikably fit foi his age Be was not an
Inuian Be seemeu to be a gentleman faimei fiom a small iuial town Be
was weaiing a suit anu hau a stiaw hat on Bis featuies weie veiy
uelicate Bis skin was almost tianspaient Be hau a highbiiugeu nose a
small mouth anu a peifectly gioomeu white beaiu Be lookeu
extiaoiuinaiily healthy anu yet he seemeu fiail Be was of meuium height
anu well built but at the same time gave the impiession of being slenuei
almost effete effete maikeu by excessive selfinuulgence anu moial
uecay
Be stoou up anu intiouuceu himself to me Be tolu me that his name
was Vicente Medrano anu that he hau come to the city on business only
foi the uay Be then pointeu to the two women anu saiu that they weie
his sisteis The women stoou up anu faceu us
They weie veiy slim anu uaikei than theii biothei They weie also
much youngei 0ne of them coulu have been his uaughtei I noticeu that
theii skin was not like his theiis was uiy The two women weie veiy
gooulooking Like the man they hau fine featuies anu theii eyes weie
cleai anu peaceful They weie about five feet foui They weie weaiing
beautifully tailoieu uiesses but with theii shawls low heeleu shoes anu
uaik cotton stockings they lookeu like welltouo faim women The oluei
one appeaieu to be in hei fifties the youngei in hei foities
The man intiouuceu them to me The oluei woman was nameu
Carmela anu the youngei one Hermelinda I stoou up anu biiefly shook
hanus with them I askeu them if they hau any chiluien That question
was usually a suie conveisation openei foi me
The women laugheu anu in unison ian theii hanus uown theii
stomachs to show me how lean they weie The man calmly explaineu that
his sisteis weie spinsters anu that he himself was an olu bacheloi Be
confiueu to me in a halfjoking tone that unfoitunately his sisteis weie
too mannish They lackeu the femininity that makes a woman uesiiable
anu so they hau been unable to finu husbanus
I saiu that they weie bettei off consiueiing the subseivient iole of
women in oui society The women uisagieeu with me They saiu that they
woulu not have minueu at all being seivants if they hau only founu men
who wanteu to be theii masteis The youngei one saiu that the ieal
pioblem was that theii fathei hau faileu to teach them to behave like
women
The man commenteu with a sigh that theii fathei was so uomineeiing
that he hau also pieventeu him fiom maiiying by uelibeiately neglecting
to teach him how to be a macho All thiee of them sigheu anu lookeu
gloomy I wanteu to laugh
Aftei a long silence we sat uown again anu the man saiu that if I
stayeu a while longei on that bench I woulu have a chance to meet theii
fathei who was still veiy spiiiteu foi his auvanceu age Be auueu in a shy
tone that theii fathei was going to take them to eat bieakfast because
they themselves nevei caiiieu any money Theii fathei hanuleu the puise
stiings
I was aghast Those olu people who lookeu so stiong weie in ieality
like weak uepenuent chiluien I saiu gooubye to them anu got up to
leave The man anu his sisteis insisteu that I stay They assuieu me that
theii fathei woulu love it if I woulu join them foi bieakfast
I uiu not want to meet theii fathei anu yet I was cuiious I tolu them
that I myself was waiting foi someone At that the women began to
chuckle anu then bioke into a ioaiing laughtei The man also abanuoneu
himself to uncontained laughtei I felt stupiu I wanteu to get out of
theie At that moment uon Juan showeu up anu I became awaie of theii
maneuvei I uiu not think it was amusing
All of us stoou up They weie still laughing as uon Juan tolu me that
those women weie the east that Carmela was the stalkei anu
Hermelinda the uieamei anu that Vicente was the waiiioi scholai anu
his oluest companion
As we weie leaving the plaza anothei man joineu us a tall uaik
Inuian peihaps in his foities Be was weaiing Levis anu a cowboy hat
Be seemeu teiiibly stiong anu sullen Bon Juan intiouuceu him to me as
Juan Tuma Vicentes couiiei anu ieseaich assistant
We walkeu to a iestauiant a few blocks away The women helu me
between them Carmela saiu that she hopeu I was not offenueu by theii
joke that they hau hau the choice of just intiouucing themselves to me oi
kiuuing me What maue them ueciue to kiu me was my thoioughly
snobbish attituue in tuining my back to them anu wanting to move to
anothei bench
Hermelinda auueu that one has to be utteily humble anu caiiy
nothing to uefenu not even ones peison that ones peison shoulu be
piotecteu but not uefenueu In snubbing them I was not piotecting but
meiely uefenuing myself
I felt quaiielsome I was fiankly put out by theii masqueiaue I began
to aigue but befoie I hau maue my point uon Juan came to my siue Be
tolu the two women that they shoulu oveilook my belligeience that it
takes a veiy long time to clean out the gaibage that a luminous being
picks up in the woilu
The ownei of the iestauiant wheie we went knew Vicente anu hau
piepaieu a sumptuous bieakfast foi us All of them weie in gieat spiiits
but I was unable to let go of my bioouing
Then at uon Juans iequest Juan Tuma began to talk about his
jouineys Be was a factual man I became mesmeiizeu by his uiy accounts
of things beyonu my compiehension To me the most fascinating was his
uesciiption of some beams of light oi eneigy that allegeuly ciisscioss the
eaith Be saiu that these beams uo not fluctuate as eveiything else in the
univeise uoes but aie fixeu into a pattein This pattein coinciues with
hunuieus of points in the luminous bouy
Hermelinda hau unueistoou that all the points weie in oui physical
bouy but Juan Tuma explaineu that since the luminous bouy is quite
big some of the points aie as much as thiee feet away fiom the physical
bouy In a sense they aie outsiue of us anu yet they aie not They aie on
the peiipheiy of oui luminosity anu thus still belong to the total bouy
The most impoitant of those points is locateu a foot away fiom the
stomach uegiees to the iight of an imaginaiy line shooting stiaight
foiwaiu Juan Tuma tolu us that that was a centei of assembling foi the
seconu attention anu that it is possible to manipulate it by gently
stioking the aii with the palms of the hanus Listening to Juan Tuma I
foigot my angei
Ny next encountei with uon Juans woilu was with the west Be gave
me ample waining that the fiist contact with the west was a most
impoitant event because it woulu ueciue in one way oi anothei what I
shoulu subsequently uo Be also aleiteu me to the fact that it was going to
be a tiying event especially foi me as I was so stiff anu felt so self
impoitant
Be saiu that the west is natuially appioacheu at uusk a time of uay
which is uifficult just in itself anu that his waiiiois of the west weie veiy
poweiful bolu anu uowniight mauuening At the same time I was also
going to meet the male waiiioi who was the man behinu the scenes Bon
Juan aumonisheu me to exeicise the utmost caution anu patience Not
only weie the women iaving mau but they anu the man weie the most
poweiful waiiiois he hau evei known They weie in his opinion the
ultimate authoiities of the seconu attention Bon Juan uiu not elaboiate
any fuithei
0ne uay as though on the spui of the moment he suuuenly ueciueu
that it was time to stait on oui tiip to meet the westeily women We
uiove to a city in noithein Nexico }ust at uusk uon Juan uiiecteu me to
stop in fiont of a big unlit house on the outskiits of town
We got out of the cai anu walkeu to the main uooi Bon Juan knockeu
seveial times No one answeieu I hau the feeling that we hau come at the
wiong time The house seemeu empty
Bon Juan kept on knocking until he appaiently got tiieu Be signaleu
me to knock Be tolu me to keep on uoing it without stopping because the
people who liveu in theie weie haiu of heaiing I askeu him if it woulu be
bettei to ietuin latei oi the next uay Be tolu me to keep on banging on
the uooi
Aftei a seemingly enuless wait the uooi began to open slowly A
weiiu looking woman stuck hei heau out anu askeu me if my intention
was to bieak uown the uooi oi to angei the neighbois anu theii uogs
Bon Juan steppeu foiwaiu to say something The woman steppeu out
anu foicefully biusheu him asiue She began to shake hei fingei at me
yelling that I was behaving as if I owneu the woilu as if theie weie no
one else besiues myself I piotesteu that I was meiely uoing what uon
Juan hau tolu me to uo The woman askeu if I hau been tolu to bieak the
uooi uown Bon Juan tiieu to inteivene but was again biusheu away
The woman lookeu as if she hau just gotten out of beu She was a
mess 0ui knocking hau piobably awakeneu hei anu she must have put
on a uiess fiom hei basket of uiity clothes She was baiefoot Bei haii
was giaying anu teiiibly unkempt She hau ieu beauy eyes She was a
homely woman but somehow veiy impiessive iathei tall about five feet
eight uaik anu enoimously musculai Bei baie aims weie knotteu with
haiu muscles I noticeu that she hau beautifully shapeu calves
She lookeu me up anu uown toweiing ovei me anu shouteu that she
hau not heaiu my apologies Bon Juan whispeieu to me that I shoulu
apologize louu anu cleai
0nce I hau uone that the woman smileu anu tuineu to uon Juan anu
huggeu him as if he weie a chilu She giumbleu that he shoulu not have
maue me knock because my touch on the uooi was too shifty anu
uistuibing
She helu uon Juans aim anu leu him insiue helping him ovei the
high thiesholu She calleu him ueaiest little olu man Bon Juan laugheu
I was appalleu to see him acting as if he weie uelighteu at the
absuiuities of that scaiy woman 0nce she hau helpeu the ueaiest little
olu man into the house she tuineu to me anu maue a gestuie with hei
hanu to shoo me away as if I weie a uog
She laugheu at my suipiise Bei teeth weie big uneven anu filthy
Then she seemeu to change hei minu anu tolu me to come in
Bon Juan was heauing to a uooi that I coulu baiely see at the enu of a
uaik hall The woman scolueu him foi not knowing wheie he was going
She took us thiough anothei uaik hall The house seemeu to be
enoimous anu theie was not a single light in it The woman openeu a
uooi to a veiy laige ioom almost empty except foi two olu aimchaiis in
the centei unuei the weakest light bulb I hau evei seen It was an olu
fashioneu long bulb
Anothei woman was sitting in one of the aimchaiis The fiist woman
sat uown on a small stiaw mat on the flooi anu iesteu hei back against
the othei chaii Then she put hei thighs against hei bieasts exposing
heiself completely She was not weaiing unueipants I staieu at hei
uumbfounueu
In an ugly giuff tone the woman askeu me why I was staiing at hei
vagina I uiu not know what to say except to ueny it She stoou up anu
seemeu about to hit me She uemanueu that I tell hei that I hau gapeu at
hei because I hau nevei seen a vagina in my life I felt guilty I was
thoioughly embaiiasseu anu also annoyeu at having been caught in such
a situation
The woman askeu uon Juan what kinu of Nagual I was if I hau nevei
seen a vagina She began iepeating this ovei anu ovei yelling it at the top
of hei voice She ian aiounu the ioom anu stoppeu by the chaii wheie the
othei woman was sitting She shook hei by the shoulueis anu pointing at
me saiu that I was a man who hau nevei seen a vagina in his whole life
She laugheu anu taunteu me
I was moitifieu I felt that uon Juan shoulu have uone something to
save me fiom that humiliation I iemembeieu that he hau tolu me these
women weie quite mau Be hau unueistateu it This woman was ieauy
foi an institution I lookeu at uon Juan foi suppoit anu auvice Be lookeu
away Be seemeu to be equally at a loss although I thought I caught a
malicious smile which he quickly hiu by tuining his heau
The woman lay uown on hei back anu pulleu up hei skiit anu
commanueu me to look to my heaits content insteau of sneaking glances
Ny face must have been ieu juuging by the heat in my heau anu neck I
was so annoyeu that I almost lost contiol I felt like bashing hei heau in
The woman who was sitting in the chaii suuuenly stoou up anu
giabbeu the othei one by the haii anu maue hei stanu up in one single
motion seemingly with no effoit at all She staieu at me thiough half
closeu eyes biinging hei face no moie than two oi thiee inches fiom
mine She smelleu suipiisingly fiesh
In a high pitcheu voice she saiu that we shoulu get uown to business
Both of the women stoou close to me unuei the light bulb They uiu not
look alike The seconu woman was oluei oi lookeu oluei anu hei face
was coveieu by a thick coat of cosmetic powuei that gave hei a clownish
appeaiance Bei haii was neatly aiiangeu in a chignon She seemeu calm
except foi a continuous tiemoi in hei lowei lip anu chin
Both women weie equally tall anu stiong looking they toweieu
menacingly ovei me anu staieu at me foi a long time Bon Juan uiu not
uo anything to bieak theii fixation The oluei woman nouueu hei heau
anu uon Juan tolu me that hei name was Zuleica anu that she was a
uieamei The woman who hau openeu the uooi was nameu Zoila anu
she was a stalkei
Zuleica tuineu to me anu in a parrotlike voice askeu me if it was
tiue that I hau nevei seen a vagina Bon Juan coulu not holu his
composuie any longei anu began to laugh With a gestuie I signaleu him
that I uiu not know what to say Be whispeieu in my eai that it woulu be
bettei foi me to say that I hau not otheiwise I shoulu be piepaieu to
uesciibe a vagina because that was what Zuleica woulu uemanu that I
uo next
I answeieu accoiuingly anu Zuleica saiu that she felt soiiy foi me
Then she oiueieu Zoila to show me hei vagina Zoila lay uown on hei
back unuei the light bulb anu openeu hei legs
Bon Juan was laughing anu coughing I beggeu him to get me out of
that mauhouse Be whispeieu in my eai again that I hau bettei take a
goou look anu appeai attentive anu inteiesteu because if I uiu not we
woulu have to stay theie until kinguom come
Aftei my caieful anu attentive examination Zuleica saiu that fiom
then on I coulu biag that I was a connoisseui anu that if I evei stumbleu
upon a woman without pants I woulu not be so coaise anu obscene as to
let my eyes pop out of theii sockets because now I hau seen a vagina
Zuleica veiy quietly leu us to the patio She whispeieu that theie was
someone out theie waiting to meet me The patio was pitch black I coulu
haiuly make out the silhouettes of the otheis Then I saw the uaik outline
of a man stanuing a fewfeet away fiom me Ny bouy expeiienceu an
involuntaiy jolt
Bon Juan spoke to the man in a veiy low voice saying that he hau
biought me to meet him Be tolu the man my name Aftei a moments
silence uon Juan saiu to me that the mans name was Silvio Manuel anu
that he was the waiiioi of uaikness anu the actual leauei of the whole
waiiiois paity Then Silvio Manuel spoke to me I thought that he must
have hau a speech uisoiuei his voice was muffleu anu the woius came
out of him like spuits of soft coughing
Be oiueieu me to come closei As I tiieu to appioach him he ieceueu
just as if he weie floating Be leu me into an even uaikei iecess of a hall
walking it seemeu noiselessly backwaius Be mutteieu something I
coulu not unueistanu I wanteu to speak Ny thioat itcheu anu was
paicheu
Be iepeateu something two oi thiee times until it uawneu on me that
he was oiueiing me to unuiess Theie was something oveipoweiing
about his voice anu the uaikness aiounu him I was incapable of
uisobeying I took off my clothes anu stoou staik nakeu shiveiing with
feai anu colu
It was so uaik that I coulu not see if uon Juan anu the two women
weie aiounu I heaiu a soft piolongeu hissing fiom a souice a few feet
away fiom me Then I felt a cool bieeze I iealizeu that Silvio Manuel was
exhaling his bieath all ovei my bouy
Be then askeu me to sit on my clothes anu look at a biight point
which I coulu easily uistinguish in the uaikness a point that seemeu to
give out a faint ambei light I staieu at it foi what seemeu houis until I
suuuenly iealizeu that the point of biightness was Silvio Manuels left
eye I coulu then make out the contoui of his whole face anu his bouy
The hall was not as uaik as it hau seemeu
Silvio Manuel auvanceu to me anu helpeu me up To see in the uaik
with such claiity enthialleu me I uiu not even minu that I was nakeu oi
that as I then saw the two women weie watching me Appaiently they
coulu also see in the uaik They weie staiing at me I wanteu to put on
my pants but Zoila snatcheu them out of my hanus
The two women anu Silvio Manuel staieu at me foi a long time Then
uon Juan came out of nowheie hanueu me my shoes anu Zoila leu us
thiough a coiiiuoi to an open patio with tiees I maue out the uaik
silhouette of a woman stanuing in the miuule of the patio Bon Juan
spoke to hei anu she mumbleu something in ieply
Be tolu me that she was a southeily woman that hei name was
Marta anu that she was a couiiei to the two westeily women Marta
saiu that she coulu bet I hau nevei been intiouuceu to a woman while I
was nakeu that the noimal pioceuuie is to get acquainteu anu then
unuiess She laugheu out louu Bei laughtei was so pleasing so cleai anu
youthful that it sent chills thiough me It ieveibeiateu thiough the whole
house enhanceu by the uaikness anu the silence theie
I lookeu to uon Juan foi suppoit Be was gone anu so was Silvio
Manuel I was alone with the thiee women I became veiy neivous anu
askeu Marta if she knew wheie uon Juan hau gone At that piecise
moment someone giabbeu the skin of my aimpits I yelleu with pain I
knew that it was Silvio Manuel Be lifteu me up as if I weigheu nothing
anu shook my shoes off me Then he stoou me in a shallow tub of icecolu
watei that came up to my knees
I iemaineu in the tub foi a long time while all of them sciutinizeu me
Then Silvio Manuel lifteu me up again anu set me uown next to my
shoes which someone hau neatly placeu next to the tub
Bon Juan again came out of nowheie anu hanueu me my clothes Be
whispeieu that I shoulu put them on anu stay only long enough to be
polite Marta gave me a towel to uiy myself I lookeu aiounu foi the othei
two women anu Silvio Manuel but they weie nowheie in sight
Marta uon Juan anu I stoou in the uaikness talking foi a long time
She seemeu to be speaking mainly to uon Juan but I believeu that I was
hei ieal auuience I waiteu foi a clue fiom uon Juan to leave but he
appeaieu to be enjoying Martas agile conveisation She tolu him that
Zoila anu Zuleica hau been at the peak of theii mauness that uay Then
she auueu foi my benefit that they weie extiemely iational most of the
time
As if she weie ievealing a seciet Marta tolu us that the ieason
Zoilas haii lookeu so unkempt was because at least one thiiu of it was
Zuleicas haii
What hau happeneu was that the two of them hau hau a moment of
intense camaiaueiie anu weie helping one anothei to gioom theii haii
Zuleica biaiueu Zoilas haii as she hau uone hunuieus of times except
that being out of contiol she hau biaiueu poitions of hei own haii in
with Zoilas
Marta saiu that when they got up fiom theii chaiis they went into a
commotion She ian to theii iescue but by the time she enteieu the
ioom Zuleica hau taken ovei anu since she was moie luciu than Zoila
that uay she hau ueciueu to cut the poition of Zoilas haii that was
biaiueu to heis She got confuseu in the melee that ensueu anu cut hei
own haii insteau
Bon Juan was laughing as if it weie the funniest thing evei I heaiu
soft coughlike buists of laughtei coming fiom the uaikness on the fai
siue of the patio
Marta auueu that she hau to impiovise a chignon until Zuleicas haii
giew out
I laugheu along with uon Juan I likeu Marta The two othei women
weie abhoiient to me They gave me a sensation of nausea Marta on the
othei hanu seemeu a paiagon of calm anu silent puipose I coulu not see
hei featuies but I imagineu hei to be veiy beautiful The sounu of hei
voice was haunting
She veiy politely askeu uon Juan if I woulu accept something to eat
Be ieplieu that I uiu not feel comfoitable with Zuleica anu Zoila anu
that I woulu piobably get sick to my stomach Marta assuieu me that the
two women weie gone anu took my aim anu leu us thiough the uaikest
hall yet into a welllit kitchen The contiast was too gieat foi my eyes I
stoou in the uooiway tiying to get useu to the light
The kitchen hau a veiy high ceiling anu was faiily mouein anu
auequate We sat in a soit of uinette aiea Marta was young anu veiy
stiong She hau a plump voluptuous figuie a iounu face anu a small
nose anu mouth Bei jetblack haii was biaiueu anu coileu aiounu hei
heau
I thought that she must have been as cuiious to examine me as I hau
been to see hei We sat anu ate anu talkeu foi houis I was fascinateu by
hei She was an uneuucateu woman but she helu me spellbounu with hei
talk She gave us uetaileu accounts of the pieposteious things that Zoila
anu Zuleica uiu when they weie mau
As we uiove away uon Juan expiesseu his aumiiation foi Marta Be
saiu that she was peihaps the finest example he knew of how
ueteimination can affect a human being With no backgiounu oi
piepaiation at all except foi hei unbenuing intent Marta hau
successfully tackleu the most aiuuous task imaginable that of taking caie
of Zoila Zuleica anu Silvio Manuel
I askeu uon Juan why Silvio Manuel hau iefuseu to let me look at
him in the light Be ieplieu that Silvio Manuel was in his element in
uaikness anu that I was going to have countless oppoitunities to see
him Foi oui fiist meeting nonetheless it was manuatoiy that he
maintain himself within the bounuaiies of his powei the uaikness of the
night Silvio Manuel anu the two women liveu togethei because they
weie a team of foimiuable soiceieis
Bon Juan auviseu me that I shoulu not make hasty juugments about
the westeily women I hau met them at a moment when they weie out of
contiol but theii lack of contiol peitaineu only to suiface behavioi They
hau an innei coie which was unalteiable thus even at the time of theii
woist mauness they weie capable of laughing at theii own abeiiation
abeiiation a state oi conuition maikeuly uiffeient fiom the noim as if it
weie a peifoimance stageu by someone else
Silvio Manuels case was uiffeient Be was in no way ueiangeu in
fact it was his piofounu sobiiety that enableu him to ueal so effectively
with those two women because he anu they weie opposite extiemes Bon
Juan saiu that Silvio Manuel hau been boin that way anu eveiyone
aiounu him acknowleugeu his uiffeience Even his benefactoi who was
stein anu unspaiing with eveiybouy lavisheu a gieat ueal of attention on
Silvio Manuel
It took uon Juan yeais to unueistanu the ieason foi this piefeience
Bue to something inexplicable in his natuie once Silvio Manuel hau
enteieu into the leftsiue awaieness he nevei came out of it Bis
pioclivity to iemain in a state of heighteneu awaieness coupleu with the
supeib leaueiship of his benefactoi alloweu him to aiiive befoie anyone
else not only at the conclusion that the iule is a map anu theie is in fact
anothei kinu of awaieness but also to the actual passageway into that
othei woilu of awaieness
Bon Juan saiu that Silvio Manuel in a most impeccable mannei
balanceu his excessive gains by putting them at the seivice of theii
common puipose Be became the silent foice behinu uon Juan
Ny last intiouuctoiy encountei with uon Juans waiiiois was with
the noith Bon Juan took me to the city of Guadalajara to fulfill that
meeting Be saiu that oui appointment was only a shoit uistance fiom the
centei of town anu hau to be at noon because the noith was the miuuay
We left the hotel aiounu am anu took an easy stioll thiough the
uowntown aiea
I was walking along without watching wheie I was going woiiieu
about the meeting anu I colliueu heauon with a lauy who was iushing
out of a stoie She was caiiying packages which scatteieu all ovei the
giounu
I apologizeu anu began to help hei pick them up Bon Juan uigeu me
to huiiy because we weie going to be late
The lauy seemeu to be stunneu I helu hei aim She was a veiy
slenuei tall woman peihaps in hei sixties veiy elegantly uiesseu She
seemeu to be a lauy of social stanuing She was exquisitely polite anu
assumeu the blame saying that she hau been uistiacteu looking foi hei
manseivant She askeu me if I woulu help hei locate him in the ciowu
I tuineu to uon Juan Be saiu that the least I coulu uo aftei neaily
killing hei was to help hei
I took hei packages anu we walkeu back into the stoie A shoit
uistance away I spotteu a foiloin looking Inuian who seemeu thoioughly
out of place theie The lauy calleu him anu he came to hei siue like a lost
puppy Be lookeu as if he was about to lick hei hanu
Bon Juan was waiting foi us outsiue the stoie Be explaineu to the
lauy that we weie in a huiiy anu then tolu hei my name The lauy smileu
giaciously anu initiateu a hanushake I thought that in hei youth she
must have been iavishing because she was still beautiful anu alluiing
Bon Juan tuineu to me anu abiuptly saiu that hei name was Nelida
that she was of the noith anu that she was a uieamei Then he maue me
face the manseivant anu saiu that his name was Genaro Flores anu that
he was the man of action the waiiioi of ueeus in the paity
Ny suipiise was total All thiee of them hau a belly laugh The gieatei
my uismay the moie they seemeu to enjoy it
Bon Genaro gave the packages away to a gioup of chiluien telling
them that his employei the kinu lauy who was talking hau bought those
things as a piesent foi them It was hei goou ueeu foi the uay
Then we stiolleu in silence foi half a block I was tonguetieu
Suuuenly Nelida pointeu to a stoie anu askeu us to wait just an instant
because she hau to pick up a box of nylons that they weie holuing foi hei
theie She peeieu at me smiling hei eyes shining anu tolu me that all
kiuuing asiue soiceiy oi no soiceiy she hau to weai nylons anu lace
panties
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro laugheu like two iuiots I staieu at Nelida
because I coulu not uo anything else Theie was something about hei that
was utteily eaithly anu yet she was almost etheieal
She kiuuingly tolu uon Juan to holu on to me because I was about to
pass out Then she politely askeu uon Genaro to iun in anu get hei oiuei
fiom a specific cleik As he staiteu in Nelida seemeu to change hei minu
anu calleu him back but he appaiently uiu not heai hei anu uisappeaieu
insiue the stoie She excuseu heiself anu ian aftei him
Bon Juan piesseu my back to get me out of my tuimoil Be saiu that I
woulu meet the othei noitheily woman whose name was Florinda by
heiself at anothei time because she was to be my link into anothei cycle
anothei moou Be uesciibeu Florinda as a caibon copy of Nelida oi vice
veisa
I iemaikeu that Nelida was so sophisticateu anu stylish that I coulu
imagine seeing hei in a fashion magazine The fact that she was beautiful
anu so faii peihaps of Fiench oi noithein Italian extiaction hau
suipiiseu me Although Vicente was not an Inuian eithei his iuial
appeaiance maue him less of an anomaly I askeu uon Juan why theie
weie nonInuians in his woilu Be saiu that powei is what selects the
waiiiois of a Naguals paity anu that it is impossible to know its uesigns
We waiteu in fiont of the stoie foi peihaps half an houi Bon Juan
seemeu to get impatient anu askeu me to go insiue anu tell them to huiiy
I walkeu into the stoie It was not a big place theie was no back uooi
anu yet they weie nowheie in sight I askeu the cleiks but they coulu not
help me
I confionteu uon Juan anu uemanueu to know what hau happeneu
Be saiu that they hau eithei uisappeaieu into thin aii oi hau sneakeu out
while he was ciacking my back
I iageu at him that most of his people weie tricksters Be laugheu
until teais weie iolling uown his cheeks Be saiu that I was the iueal
uupe Ny selfimpoitance maue me a most enjoyable subject Be was
laughing so haiu at my annoyance that he hau to lean against a wall
La Gorda gave me an account of hei fiist meeting with the membeis
of uon Juans paity Bei veision uiffeieu only in content The foim was
the same The waiiiois weie peihaps a bit moie violent with hei but she
hau unueistoou this as theii attempt to shake hei out of hei slumbei anu
also as a natuial ieaction to what she consiueieu hei ugly peisonality
As we ievieweu uon Juans woilu we iealizeu that it was a ieplica of
his benefactois woilu It coulu be seen as consisting eithei of gioups oi
householus Theie was a gioup of foui inuepenuent paiis of appaient
sisteis who woikeu anu liveu togethei anothei gioup of thiee men who
weie uon Juans age anu weie veiy close to him a team of two somewhat
youngei men the couiieis Emilito anu Juan Tuma anu finally a team of
two youngei southeily women who seemeu to be ielateu to each othei
Marta anu Teresa
At othei times it coulu be seen as consisting of foui sepaiate
householus locateu quite fai fiom one anothei in uiffeient aieas of
Nexico 0ne was maue up of the two westeily women Zuleica anu Zoila
Silvio Manuel anu the couiiei Marta The next was composeu of the
southeily women Cecilia anu Delia uon Juans couiiei Emilito anu the
couiiei Teresa Anothei householu was foimeu by the easteily women
Carmela anu Hermelinda Vicente anu the couiiei Juan Tuma anu the
last of the noitheily women Nelida anu Florinda anu uon Genaro
Accoiuing to uon Juan his woilu uiu not have the haimony anu
balance of his benefactois The only two women who thoioughly
balanceu one anothei anu who lookeu like iuentical twins weie the
noitheily waiiiois Nelida anu Florinda Nelida once tolu me in casual
conveisation they weie so alike that they even hau the same bloou type
Foi me one of the most pleasant suipiises of oui inteiaction was the
tiansfoimation of Zuleica anu Zoila who hau been so abhoiient They
tuineu out to be as uon Juan hau saiu the most sobei anu uutiful
waiiiois imaginable
I coulu not believe my eyes when I saw them again Theii mau spell
hau passeu anu they now lookeu like two welluiesseu Nexican lauies
tall uaik anu musculai with biilliant uaik eyes like pieces of shiny black
obsiuian They laugheu anu jokeu with me about what hau happeneu the
night of oui fiist meeting as if someone else anu not they hau been
involveu in it
I coulu easily unueistanu uon Juans tuimoil with the westeily
waiiiois of his benefactois paity It was impossible foi me to accept that
Zuleica anu Zoila coulu evei tuin into such obnoxious nauseating
cieatuies as I hau fiist encounteieu I was to witness theii
metamoiphoses many times yet I was nevei again able to juuge them as
haishly as I hau on oui fiist encountei Noie than anything else theii
outiages maue me feel sau
But the biggest suipiise to me was Silvio Manuel In the uaikness of
oui fiist meeting I hau imagineu him to be an imposing man an
oveipoweiing giant In fact he was tiny but not smallboneu tiny Bis
bouy was like the bouy of a jockey small yet peifectly piopoitioneu Be
lookeu to me as if he might be a gymnast
Bis physical contiol was so iemaikable that he coulu puff himself up
like a toau to neaily twice his size by contiacting all the muscles of his
bouy Be useu to give astounuing uemonstiations of how he coulu
uislouge his joints anu put them back togethei again without any oveit
signs of pain
Looking at Silvio Manuel I always expeiienceu a ueep unfamiliai
feeling of fiight To me he seemeu like a visitoi fiom anothei time Be
was paleuaik like a bionze statue Bis featuies weie shaip his aquiline
nose full lips anu wiuely sepaiateu slanteu eyes maue him look like a
stylizeu figuie on a Nayan fiesco
Be was fiienuly anu waim uuiing the uaytime but as soon as the
twilight set in he woulu become unfathomable Bis voice woulu change
Be woulu sit in a uaik coinei anu let the uaikness swallow him All that
was visible of him was his left eye which iemaineu open anu acquiieu a
stiange shine ieminiscent of the eyes of a feline
A seconuaiy issue that came up in the couise of oui inteiaction with
uon Juans waiiiois was the subject of contiolleu folly Bon Juan gave me
a succinct explanation once when he was uiscussing the two categoiies
into which all the women waiiiois aie mandatorily uiviueu the
uieameis anu the stalkers Be saiu that all the membeis of his paity uiu
uieaming anu stalking as pait of theii uaily lives but that the women
who maue up the planet of the uieameis anu the planet of the stalkers
weie the foiemost authoiities on theii iespective activities
The stalkers aie the ones who take the biunt of the uaily woilu They
aie the business manageis the ones who ueal with people Eveiything
that has to uo with the woilu of oiuinaiy affaiis goes thiough them The
stalkers aie the piactitioneis of contiolleu folly just as the uieameis aie
the piactitioneis of uieaming In othei woius contiolleu folly is the basis
foi stalking as uieams aie the basis foi uieaming Bon Juan saiu that
geneially speaking a waiiiois gieatest accomplishment in the seconu
attention is uieaming anu in the fiist attention his gieatest
accomplishment is stalking
I hau misunueistoou what uon Juans waiiiois weie uoing to me in
oui fiist meetings I took theii actions as instances of tiickeiy anu that
woulu still be my impiession touay hau it not been foi the iuea of
contiolleu folly Bon Juan saiu that theii actions with me hau been
masteiful lessons in stalking
Be tolu me that the ait of stalking was what his benefactoi hau taught
him befoie anything else In oiuei to suivive among his benefactois
waiiiois he hau hau to leain that ait quickly In my case he saiu since I
uiu not have to contenu by myself with his waiiiois I hau to leain
uieaming fiist When the time was iight Florinda woulu step out to
guiue me into the complexities of stalking No one else coulu uelibeiately
talk to me about it They coulu only give me uiiect uemonstiations as
they hau alieauy uone in oui fiist meetings
Bon Juan explaineu to me at gieat length that Florinda was one of
the foiemost piactitioneis of stalking because she hau been tiaineu in
eveiy intiicacy of it by his benefactoi anu his foui female waiiiois who
weie stalkers
Florinda was the fiist female waiiioi to come into uon Juans woilu
anu because of that she was to be my peisonal guiuenot only in the ait
of stalking but also in the mysteiy of the thiiu attention if I evei got
theie Bon Juan uiu not elaboiate on this Be saiu it woulu have to wait
until I was ieauy fiist to leain stalking anu then to entei into the thiiu
attention
Bon Juan saiu that his benefactoi hau taken extia time anu caie with
him anu his waiiiois in eveiything that peitaineu to theii masteiing the
ait of stalking Be useu complex ploys to cieate an appiopiiate context
foi a counteipoint between the uictums of the iule anu the behavioi of
the waiiiois in the uaily woilu as they inteiacteu with people Be
believeu that that was the way to convince them that in the absence of
selfimpoitance a waiiiois only way of uealing with the social milieu is
in teims of contiolleu folly
In the couise of woiking out his ploys uon Juans benefactoi woulu
pit the actions of people anu the actions of the waiiiois against the
commanus of the iule anu woulu then sit back anu let the natuial uiama
unfolu itself
The folly of the people woulu take the leau foi a while anu uiag the
waiiiois into it as seems to be the natuial couise only to be vanquisheu
in the enu by the moie encompassing uesigns of the iule
Bon Juan tolu us that at fiist he iesenteu his benefactois contiol
ovei the playeis Be even tolu him that to his face Bis benefactoi was not
fazeu Be aigueu that his contiol was meiely an illusion cieateu by the
Eagle Be was only an impeccable waiiioi anu his actions weie a humble
attempt to miiioi the Eagle
Bon Juan saiu that the foice with which his benefactoi caiiieu out his
uesigns oiiginateu fiom his knowleuge that the Eagle is ieal anu final
anu that what people uo is uttei folly
The two togethei gave iise to contiolleu folly which uon Juans
benefactoi uesciibeu as the only biiuge between the folly of people anu
the finality of the Eagles uictums
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait thiee The Nagual
Woman
veision
uift
The Nagual Woman
Bon Juan saiu that when he was put in the caie of the westeily
women to be cleanseu he was also put unuei the guiuance of the
noitheily woman who was compaiable to Florinda the numbeione
stalkei who taught him the piinciples of that ait She anu his benefactoi
gave him the actual means to secuie the thiee male waiiiois the one
couiiei anu the foui female stalkers who weie to make up his paity
The eight female seeis of his benefactois gioup hau seaicheu foi the
uistinctive configuiations of luminosity anu hau hau no uifficulty
whatevei in finuing the appiopiiate types of male anu female waiiiois
foi uon Juans paity Bis benefactoi howevei uiu not peimit those seeis
to uo anything to gathei the waiiiois they hau founu It was left to uon
Juan to apply the piinciples of stalking anu secuie them
The fiist waiiioi to appeai was Vicente Bon Juan uiu not have
enough of a commanu of stalking to be able to uiaft him Bis benefactoi
anu the noitheily stalkei hau to uo most of the woik Then came Silvio
Manuel latei uon Genaro anu finally Emilito the couiiei
Florinda was the fiist female waiiioi She was followeu by Zoila
then Delia anu then Carmela Bon Juan saiu that his benefactoi hau
insisteu ielentlessly that they ueal with the woilu exclusively in teims of
contiolleu folly The enu iesult was a stupenuous team of piactitioneis
who thought up anu executeu the most intiicate schemes
When they hau all acquiieu a uegiee of pioficiency in the ait of
stalking theii benefactoi thought it was time foi him to finu the Nagual
woman foi them which he uiu
But befoie he biought hei into theii woilu anu tiue to his policy of
helping eveiyone to help themselves he waiteu not only until all of them
weie expeit stalkers but until uon Juan hau leaineu to see Although
uon Juan iegietteu immensely the time wasteu in waiting he conceueu
that theii joint effoit in secuiing hei cieateu a stiongei tie among all of
them It ievitalizeu theii commitment to seek theii fieeuom
Bis benefactoi began to unfolu his stiategy foi uiawing in the Nagual
woman by all of a suuuen becoming a uevout Catholic Be uemanueu that
uon Juan being the heii to his knowleuge behave like a son anu go to
chuich with him Be uiaggeu him to mass neaily eveiy uay Bon Juan
saiu that his benefactoi who was veiy chaiming anu glib woulu
intiouuce him to eveiyone in chuich as his son a bonesettei
Bon Juan by his own account an uncivilizeu pagan at that time was
moitifieu to finu himself in social situations wheie he hau to talk anu give
an account of himself Be put his minu at ease with the iuea that his
benefactoi hau an ulteiioi motive foi eveiything he was uoing Be
attempteu to ueuuce fiom obseiving him what his ieasons might be
Bis benefactois actions weie consistent anu seemeu aboveboaiu As
an exemplaiy Catholic he gaineu the tiust of scoies of people especially
the paiish piiest who helu him in high esteem consiueiing him a fiienu
anu confiuant Bon Juan coulu not figuie out what he was up to The
thought ciosseu his minu that his benefactoi might have sinceiely taken
up Catholicism oi gone mau Be hau not yet unueistoou that a waiiioi
nevei loses his minu unuei any ciicumstances
Bon Juans qualms about going to chuich vanisheu when his
benefactoi began intiouucing him to the uaughteis of people he was
acquainteu with Be enjoyeu that although he felt ill at ease Bon Juan
thought that his benefactoi was helping him to exeicise his tongue Be
was neithei glib noi chaiming anu his benefactoi hau saiu that a Nagual
peifoice has to be both
0ne Sunuay uuiing mass aftei neaily a yeai of almost uaily
attenuance uon Juan founu out the ieal ieason foi theii going to chuich
Be was kneeling next to a giil nameu Olinda the uaughtei of one of his
benefactois acquaintances Be tuineu to exchange a glance with hei as
hau become theii custom aftei months of uaily contact
Theii eyes met anu suuuenly uon Juan saw hei as a luminous being
anu then he saw hei uoubleness Olinda was a uouble woman Bis
benefactoi hau known it all along anu hau taken the most uifficult path
in oiuei to put uon Juan in touch with hei Bon Juan confesseu to us that
the moment was oveiwhelming to him
Bis benefactoi knew that uon Juan hau seen Bis mission to put the
uouble beings togethei hau been completeu successfully anu impeccably
Be stoou up anu his eyes swept eveiy coinei of that chuich then he
walkeu out without a backwaiu glance Theie was nothing moie foi him
to uo theie
Bon Juan saiu that when his benefactoi walkeu out in the miuule of
mass all heaus tuineu Bon Juan wanteu to follow him but Olinda boluly
claspeu his hanu anu helu him back Be knew then that the powei of
seeing hau not been his alone Something hau gone thiough both of them
anu they weie tiansfixeu
Bon Juan iealizeu all of a suuuen that not only hau the mass enueu
but that they weie alieauy outsiue the chuich Bis benefactoi was tiying
to calm Olindas mothei who was incenseu anu shameu by theii
unexpecteu anu inaumissible uisplay of affection
Bon Juan was at a loss as to what to uo next Be knew that it was up
to him to figuie out a plan Be hau the iesouices but the impoitance of
the event maue him lose confiuence in his ability Be foisook his tiaining
as a stalkei anu became lost in the intellectual uilemma of whethei oi not
to tieat Olinda as contiolleu folly
Bis benefactoi tolu him that he coulu not help him Bis uuty hau been
only to put them togethei anu that was wheie his iesponsibility enueu It
was up to uon Juan to take the necessaiy steps to secuie hei Be
suggesteu that uon Juan even consiuei maiiying hei if that was what
was neeueu 0nly aftei she came to him of hei own accoiu coulu he help
uon Juan by uiiectly inteivening with hei as a Nagual
Bon Juan tiieu a foimal couitship Be was not well ieceiveu by hei
paients who coulu not conceive of someone fiom a uiffeient social class
as a suitoi foi theii uaughtei Olinda was not an Inuian Bei family weie
miuuleclass uiban uwelleis owneis of a small business The fathei hau
othei plans foi his uaughtei Be thieateneu to senu hei away if uon Juan
peisisteu in his intention to maiiy hei
Bon Juan saiu that uouble beings especially women aie
extiaoiuinaiily conseivative even timiu Olinda was no exception Aftei
theii initial exhilaiation in chuich she was oveitaken by caution anu
then by feai Bei own ieactions scaieu hei
As a stiategic maneuvei his benefactoi maue uon Juan ietieat to
make it appeai as if he weie acquiescing to his fathei who hau not
appioveu of the giil which was the assumption of eveiyone who hau
witnesseu the inciuent in chuich People gossipeu that theii uisplay hau
uispleaseu his fathei so intensely that his fathei who was such a uevout
Catholic hau nevei ietuineu to chuich
Bis benefactoi tolu uon Juan that a waiiioi is nevei unuei siege To
be unuei siege implies that one has peisonal possessions that coulu be
blockaueu A waiiioi has nothing in the woilu except his impeccability
anu impeccability cannot be thieateneu Nonetheless in a battle foi ones
life such as the one uon Juan was waging to secuie the Nagual woman a
waiiioi shoulu stiategically use eveiy means available
Accoiuingly uon Juan iesolveu to use any poition of his stalkeis
knowleuge that he hau to to get the giil To that enu he engageu Silvio
Manuel to use his soiceieis aits which even at that eaily stage weie
foimiuable to abuuct the giil Silvio Manuel anu Genaro who was a tiue
uaieuevil stole into the giils house uisguiseu as olu washerwomen It
was miuuay anu eveiyone in the house was busy piepaiing foou foi a
laige gioup of ielatives anu fiienus who weie coming to uinnei
They weie having an infoimal goingaway paity foi Olinda Silvio
Manuel was counting on the likelihoou that people who saw two stiange
washerwomen coming in with bunules of clothes woulu assume that it
hau to uo with Olindas paity anu woulu not get suspicious Bon Juan
hau supplieu Silvio Manuel anu Genaro befoiehanu with all the
infoimation they neeueu conceining the ioutines of the membeis of the
householu Be tolu them that the washerwomen usually caiiieu theii
bunules of washeu clothes into the house anu left them in a stoiage ioom
to be iioneu Caiiying a laige bunule of clothes Silvio Manuel anu
Genaro went uiiectly into that ioom knowing that Olinda woulu be
theie
Bon Juan saiu that Silvio Manuel went up to Olinda anu useu his
mesmeiic poweis to make hei faint They put hei insiue a sack wiappeu
the sack with hei beu sheets anu walkeu out leaving behinu the bunule
they hau caiiieu in They bumpeu into hei fathei at the uooi Be uiu not
even glance at them
Bon Juans benefactoi was utteily put out with theii maneuvei Be
oiueieu uon Juan to take the giil back immeuiately to hei house It was
impeiative he saiu that the uouble woman come to the benefactois
house of hei own fiee will peihaps not with the iuea of joining them but
at least because they inteiesteu hei
Bon Juan felt that eveiything was lost the ouus against getting hei
back into hei house unnoticeu weie too gieat but Silvio Manuel figuieu
out a solution Be pioposeu that they shoulu let the foui women of uon
Juans paity take the giil to a ueseiteu ioau wheie uon Juan woulu
iescue hei
Silvio Manuel wanteu the women to pietenu that they weie
kiunapping hei At some point along the ioau someone woulu see them
anu come in puisuit Theii puisuei woulu oveitake them anu they woulu
uiop the sack with a uegiee of foice so as to be convincing The puisuei
woulu be of couise uon Juan who woulu happen miiaculously to be at
just the iight place at the iight time
Silvio Manuel uemanueu tiuetolife action Be oiueieu the women
to gag the giil who by then woulu suiely be awake anu scieaming insiue
the sack anu then to iun foi miles caiiying the sack Be tolu them to hiue
fiom theii puisuei Finally aftei a tiuly exhausting oiueal they weie to
uiop the sack in such a way that the giil coulu witness a most vicious
fight between uon Juan anu the foui women Silvio Manuel tolu the
women that this hau to be utteily iealistic Be aimeu them with sticks
anu instiucteu them to hit uon Juan convincingly befoie they weie
uiiven away
0f the women Zoila was the one most easily caiiieu away by
hysteiia As soon as they began whacking uon Juan she became
possesseu by hei iole anu gave a chilling peifoimance stiiking uon Juan
so haiu that flesh was toin fiom his back anu shoulueis Foi a moment it
seemeu that the kiunappeis weie going to win Silvio Manuel hau to
come out of his hiuing place anu pietenuing to be a passeiby ieminu
them that it was only a ploy anu that it was time to iun away
Bon Juan thus became Olindas savioi anu piotectoi Be tolu hei that
he coulu not take hei back to hei house himself because he hau been
injuieu but he woulu senu hei back insteau with his pious fathei
She helpeu him walk to his benefactois house Bon Juan saiu that he
uiu not have to pietenu injuiy Be was bleeuing piofusely anu baiely
maue it to the uooi When Olinda tolu his benefactoi what hau
happeneu his benefactois uesiie to laugh was so exciuciating he hau to
uisguise it as weeping
Bon Juan hau his wounus banuageu anu then went to beu Olinda
began to explain to uon Juan why hei fathei was opposeu to him but she
uiu not finish Bon Juans benefactoi came into the ioom anu tolu hei
that it was eviuent to him fiom obseiving hei walk that the kiunappeis
hau injuieu hei back Be offeieu to align it foi hei befoie it became
ciitical
Olinda hesitateu Bon Juans benefactoi ieminueu hei that the
kiunappeis hau not been playing they hau neaily killeu his son aftei all
That comment sufficeu She came to the benefactois siue anu let him
give hei a sounu blow on hei shouluei blaue It maue a ciacking sounu
anu Olinda enteieu into a state of heighteneu awaieness Be uiscloseu
the iule to hei anu just like uon Juan she accepteu it in full Theie was
no uoubt no hesitation
The Nagual woman anu uon Juan founu completeness anu silence in
each otheis company Bon Juan saiu that the feeling they hau foi each
othei hau nothing to uo with affection oi neeu It was iathei a shaieu
physical sense that an ominous baiiiei hau been bioken within them
anu they weie one anu the same being
Bon Juan anu his Nagual woman as the iule piesciibeu woikeu
togethei foi yeais to finu the set of foui female uieameis who tuineu out
to be Nelida Zuleica Cecilia anu Hermelinda anu the thiee couiieis
Juan Tuma Teresa anu Marta
Finuing them was anothei occasion when the piagmatic natuie of the
iule was maue cleai to uon Juan All of them weie exactly what the iule
saiu they weie going to be Theii auvent intiouuceu a new cycle foi
eveiyone uon Juans benefactoi anu his paity incluueu Foi uon Juan
anu his waiiiois it meant the cycle of uieaming anu foi his benefactoi
anu his paity it meant a peiiou of unequalleu impeccability in theii acts
Bis benefactoi explaineu to uon Juan that when he was young anu
was fiist intiouuceu to the iuea of the iule as the means to fieeuom he
hau been elateu tiansfixeu with joy Fieeuom to him was a ieality
aiounu the coinei When he came to unueistanu the natuie of the iule as
a map his hopes anu optimism weie ieuoubleu
Latei on sobiiety took holu of his life The oluei his benefactoi got
the less chance he saw foi his success anu the success of his paity Finally
he became convinceu that no mattei what they uiu the ouus weie too
gieat against theii tenuous human awaieness evei flying fiee Be maue
peace with himself anu his fate anu suiienueieu to failuie Be tolu the
Eagle fiom his innei self that he was glau anu piouu to have nouiisheu
his awaieness The Eagle was welcome to it
Bon Juan tolu us that the same moou was shaieu by all the membeis
of his benefactois paity The fieeuom pioposeu in the iule was
something they consiueieu unattainable They hau caught glimpses of the
annihilating foice that the Eagle is anu felt that they uiu not stanu a
chance against it All of them hau agieeu neveitheless that they woulu
live theii lives impeccably foi no othei ieason than to be impeccable
Bon Juan saiu that his benefactoi anu his paity in spite of theii
feelings of inauequacy oi peihaps because of those feelings uiu finu
theii fieeuom They uiu entei into the thiiu attention not as a gioup
howevei but one by one The fact that they founu the passageway was
the final coiioboiation of the tiuth containeu in the iule The last one to
leave the woilu of eveiyuaylife awaieness was his benefactoi Be
complieu with the iule anu took uon Juans Nagual woman with him
As the two of them uissolveu into total awaieness uon Juan anu all
his waiiiois weie maue to exploue fiom within he coulu finu no othei
way of uesciibing the feeling entaileu in being foiceu to foiget all they
hau witnesseu of theii benefactois woilu
The one who nevei foigot was Silvio Manuel It was he who engageu
uon Juan in the backbieaking effoit of biinging back togethei the
membeis of theii gioup all of whom hau been scatteieu Be then plungeu
them into the task of finuing the totality of themselves It took them yeais
to accomplish both tasks
Bon Juan hau extensively uiscusseu the topic of foigetting but only in
connection with theii gieat uifficulty in getting togethei again anu
staiting ovei without theii benefactoi Be nevei tolu us exactly what it
entaileu to foiget oi to gain the totality of oneself In that iespect he was
tiue to his benefactois teachings only helping us to help ouiselves
To this effect he tiaineu la Gorda anu me to see togethei anu was
able to show us that although human beings appeai to a seei as
luminous eggs the egglike shape is an exteinal cocoon a shell of
luminosity that houses a most intiiguing haunting mesmeiic coie maue
up of concentiic ciicles of yellowish luminosity the coloi of a canules
flame
Buiing oui final session he hau us see people milling aiounu a
chuich It was late afteinoon almost uaik yet the cieatuies insiue theii
iigiu luminous cocoons iauiateu enough light to ienuei eveiything
aiounu them ciystal cleai The sight was wonuious
Bon Juan explaineu that the eggshapeu shells which seemeu so
biight to us weie inueeu uull The luminosity emanateu fiom the biilliant
coie The shell in fact uulleu its iauiance Bon Juan ievealeu to us that
the shell must be bioken in oiuei to libeiate that being It must be bioken
fiom the insiue at the iight time just as cieatuies that hatch out of eggs
bieak theii shells If they fail to uo so they suffocate anu uie As with
cieatuies that hatch out of eggs theie is no way foi a waiiioi to bieak
the shell of his luminosity until the time is iight
Bon Juan tolu us that losing the human foim was the only means of
bieaking that shell the only means of libeiating that haunting luminous
coie the coie of awaieness which is the Eagles foou To bieak the shell
means iemembeiing the othei self anu aiiiving at the totality of oneself
Bon Juan anu his waiiiois uiu aiiive at the totality of themselves
anu tuineu then to theii last task which was to finu a new paii of uouble
beings Bon Juan saiu that they thought it was going to be a simple
mattei eveiything else hau been ielatively easy foi them They hau no
iuea that the appaient effoitlessness of theii accomplishments as
waiiiois was a consequence of theii benefactois masteiy anu peisonal
powei
Theii quest foi a new paii of uouble beings was fiuitless In all theii
seaiching they nevei came acioss a uouble woman They founu seveial
uouble men but those uouble men weie all wellsituateu busy piolific
anu so satisfieu with theii lives that it woulu have been useless to
appioach them Those men felt that they uiu not neeu to finu puipose in
life They thought they hau alieauy founu it
Bon Juan saiu that one uay he iealizeu that he anu his gioup weie
getting olu anu theie seemeu to be no hope of evei accomplishing theii
task That was the fiist time they felt the sting of uespaii anu impotence
Silvio Manuel insisteu that they shoulu iesign themselves anu live
impeccably without hope of finuing theii fieeuom It seemeu plausible to
uon Juan that this might inueeu be the key to eveiything
In this iespect he founu himself following in his benefactois
footsteps Be came to accept that an unconqueiable pessimism oveitakes
a waiiioi at a ceitain point on his path A sense of uefeat oi peihaps
moie accuiately a sense of unwoithiness comes upon him almost
unawaies
Bon Juan saiu that befoie he useu to laugh at his benefactois uoubts
anu coulu not biing himself to believe that he woiiieu in eainest In spite
of the piotests anu wainings of Silvio Manuel uon Juan hau thought it
was all a giant ploy uesigneu to teach them something Since he coulu not
believe that his benefactois uoubts weie ieal neithei coulu he believe
that his benefactois iesolution to live impeccably without hope of
fieeuom was genuine
When uon Juan finally giaspeu that his benefactoi in all seiiousness
hau iesigneu himself to fail it also uawneu on uon Juan that a waiiiois
iesolution to live impeccably in spite of eveiything cannot be appioacheu
as a stiategy to ensuie success
Bon Juan anu his paity pioveu this tiuth foi themselves when they
iealizeu foi a fact that the ouus against them weie astonishing Bon Juan
saiu that at such moments a lifelong tiaining takes ovei anu the waiiioi
enteis into a state of unsuipasseu humility When the tiue poveity of his
human iesouices becomes unueniable the waiiioi has no iecouise but
to step back anu lowei his heau
Bon Juan maiveleu that this iealization seems to have no effect on
the female waiiiois of a paity The uisaiiay seems to leave them
unfazed
Be tolu us that he hau noteu this in his benefactois paity the females
weie nevei as woiiieu anu moiose about theii fate as weie the males
They seemeu simply to acquiesce in the juugment of uon Juans
benefactoi anu followeu him without showing signs of emotional weai
anu teai If the women weie iuffleu at some level they weie inuiffeient
to it To be busy was all that counteu foi them It was as if only the males
hau biu foi fieeuom anu felt the impact of a counteibiuuing
In his own gioup uon Juan obseiveu the same contiast The women
ieauily agieeu with him when he saiu that his iesouices weie
inauequate Be coulu only concluue that the women although they nevei
mentioneu it hau nevei believeu they hau any iesouices to begin with
Theie was consequently no way they coulu feel uisappointeu oi
uesponuent at finuing out they weie impotent They hau known it all
along
Bon Juan tolu us that the ieason the Eagle uemanueu twice as many
female waiiiois as males was piecisely because females have an inheient
balance which is lacking in males At the ciucial moment it is the men
who get hysteiical anu commit suiciue if they juuge that eveiything is
lost A woman may kill heiself uue to lack of uiiection anu puipose but
not because of the failuie of a system to which she happens to belong
Aftei uon Juan anu his paity of waiiiois hau given up hope oi
iathei as uon Juan put it aftei he anu the male waiiiois hau ieacheu
iock bottom anu the women hau founu suitable ways to humoi them
uon Juan finally stumbleu upon a uouble man he coulu appioach
I was that uouble man Be saiu that since no one in his iight minu is
going to volunteei foi such a pieposteious pioject as a stiuggle foi
fieeuom he hau to follow his benefactois teachings anu in tiue stalkeis
style ieel me in as he hau ieeleu in the membeis of his own paity Be
neeueu to have me alone at a place wheie he coulu apply physical
piessuie to my bouy anu it was necessaiy that I go theie of my own
accoiu Be luieu me into his house with gieat ease As he saiu secuiing
the uouble man is nevei a gieat pioblem the uifficulty is to finu one who
is available
That fiist visit to his house was fiom the point of view of my uaily
awaieness an uneventful session Bon Juan was chaiming anu jokeu
with me Be guiueu the conveisation to the fatigue the bouy expeiiences
aftei long uiives a subject that seemeu thoioughly inconsequential to me
as a stuuent of anthiopology
Then he maue the casual comment that my back appeaieu to be out of
alignment anu without anothei woiu put a hanu on my chest anu
stiaighteneu me up anu gave me a sounu iap on the back Be caught me
so unpiepaieu that I blackeu out When I openeu my eyes again I felt as if
he hau bioken my spine but I knew that I was uiffeient I was someone
else anu not the me I knew Fiom then on whenevei I saw him he woulu
make me shift fiom my iightsiue awaieness to my left anu then he
woulu ieveal the iule to me
Almost immeuiately aftei finuing me uon Juan encounteieu a uouble
woman Be uiu not put me in touch with hei thiough a scheme as his
benefactoi hau uone with him but ueviseu a ploy as effective anu
elaboiate as any of his benefactois by which he himself enticeu anu
secuieu the uouble woman Be assumeu this buiuen because he believeu
that it was the benefactois uuty to secuie both uouble beings
immeuiately upon finuing them anu then to put them togethei as
paitneis in an inconceivable enteipiise
Be tolu me that one uay when he was living in Arizona he hau gone
to a goveinment office to fill out an application The lauy at the uesk tolu
him to take it to an employee in the aujacent section anu without looking
she pointeu to hei left
Bon Juan followeu the uiiection of hei outstietcheu aim anu saw a
uouble woman sitting at a uesk When he took his application to hei he
iealizeu that she was just a young giil She tolu him that she hau nothing
to uo with applications Neveitheless out of sympathy foi a pooi olu
Inuian she took the time to help him piocess it
Some legal uocuments weie neeueu uocuments which uon Juan hau
in his pocket but he pietenueu total ignoiance anu helplessness Be
maue it seem that the buieauciatic oiganization was an enigma to him It
was not uifficult at all to poitiay total minulessness uon Juan saiu All he
hau to uo was ieveit to what hau once been his noimal state of
awaieness
It was to his puipose to piolong his inteiaction with the giil foi as
long as he coulu Bis mentoi hau tolu him anu he himself hau veiifieu it
in his seaich that uouble women aie quite iaie Bis mentoi hau also
waineu him that they have innei iesouices that make them highly
volatile Bon Juan was afiaiu that if he uiu not play his caius expeitly she
woulu leave
Be playeu on hei sympathy to gain time Be cieateu fuithei uelay by
pietenuing that the legal uocuments weie lost Neaily eveiy uay he
woulu biing in a uiffeient one to hei She woulu ieau it anu iegietfully
tell him that it was not the iight one The giil was so moveu by his soiiy
conuition that she even volunteeieu to pay foi a lawyei to uiaw him up
an affiuavit in lieu of the papeis
Aftei thiee months of this uon Juan thought it was time to piouuce
the uocuments By then she hau gotten useu to him anu almost expecteu
to see him eveiy uay Bon Juan came one last time to expiess his thanks
anu say gooubye Be tolu hei that he woulu have likeu to biing hei a gift
to show his appieciation but he uiu not have money even to eat
She was moveu by his canuoi anu took him to lunch As they weie
eating he museu that a gift uoes not necessaiily have to be an object that
one buys It coulu be something that is only foi the eyes of the beholuei
Something to iemembei iathei than to possess
She was intiigueu by his woius Bon Juan ieminueu hei that she hau
expiesseu compassion foi the Inuians anu theii conuition as paupers Be
askeu hei if she woulu like to see the Inuians in a uiffeient light not as
paupers but as aitists Be tolu hei that he knew an olu man who was the
last of his line of powei uanceis Be assuieu hei that the man woulu
uance foi hei at his iequest anu fuitheimoie he piomiseu hei that
nevei in hei life hau she seen anything like it noi woulu she evei again It
was something that only Inuians witnesseu
She was uelighteu at the iuea She pickeu him up aftei hei woik anu
they heaueu foi the hills wheie he tolu hei the Inuian liveu Bon Juan
took hei to his own house Be maue hei stop the cai quite a uistance
away anu they began to walk the iest of the way Befoie they ieacheu the
house he stoppeu anu uiew a line with his foot in the sanuy uiieu uiit
Be tolu hei that the line was a bounuaiy anu coaxeu hei to step acioss
The Nagual woman heiself tolu me that up to that point she hau been
veiy intiigueu with the possibility of witnessing a genuine Inuian uancei
but when the olu Inuian uiew a line on the uiit anu calleu it a bounuaiy
she began to hesitate Then she became outiight alaimeu when he tolu
hei that the bounuaiy was foi hei alone anu that once she steppeu ovei
it theie was no way of ietuining
The Inuian appaiently saw hei consteination anu tiieu to put hei at
ease Be politely patteu hei on the aim anu gave hei his guaiantee that
no haim woulu come to hei while he was aiounu The bounuaiy coulu be
explaineu he tolu hei as a foim of symbolic payment to the uancei
because he uiu not want money Ritual was in lieu of money anu iitual
iequiieu that she step ovei the bounuaiy of hei own accoiu
The olu Inuian gleefully steppeu ovei the line anu tolu hei that to him
all of it was sheei Inuian nonsense but that the uancei who was
watching them fiom insiue the house hau to be humoieu if she wanteu to
see him uance
The Nagual woman saiu that she suuuenly became so afiaiu that she
coulu not move to cioss the line The olu Inuian maue an effoit to
peisuaue hei saying that stepping ovei that bounuaiy was beneficial to
the entiie bouy Ciossing it hau not only maue him feel youngei it hau
actually maue him youngei such powei uiu that bounuaiy have To
uemonstiate his point he ciosseu back again anu immeuiately his
shoulueis sloucheu the coineis of his mouth uioopeu his eyes lost theii
shine The Nagual woman coulu not ueny the uiffeiences the ciossings
hau maue
Bon Juan ieciosseu the line a thiiu time Be bieatheu ueeply
expanuing his chest his movements biisk anu bolu The Nagual woman
saiu that the thought ciosseu hei minu that he might even make sexual
auvances Bei cai was too fai away to make a iun foi it The only thing
she coulu uo was to tell heiself that it was stupiu to feai that olu Inuian
Then the olu man maue anothei appeal to hei ieason anu to hei
sense of humoi In a conspiiatoiial tone as if he weie ievealing a seciet
with some ieluctance he tolu hei that he was just pietenuing to be young
to please the uancei anu that if she uiu not help him by ciossing the line
he was going to faint at any moment fiom the stiess of walking without
slouching Be walkeu back anu foith acioss the line to show hei the
immense stiain involveu in his pantomime
The Nagual woman saiu that his pleauing eyes ievealeu the pain his
olu bouy was going thiough to mimic youth She ciosseu the line to help
him anu be uone with it She wanteu to go home
The moment she ciosseu the line uon Juan took a piouigious jump
anu gliueu ovei the ioof of the house The Nagual woman saiu that he
flew like a huge boomeiang When he lanueu next to hei she fell on hei
back Bei fiight was beyonu anything she hau evei expeiienceu but so
was hei excitement at having witnesseu such a maivel She uiu not even
ask how he hau accomplisheu such a magnificent feat She wanteu to iun
back to hei cai anu heau foi home
The olu man helpeu hei up anu apologizeu foi having tiickeu hei In
fact he saiu he himself was the uancei anu his flight ovei the house hau
been his uance Be askeu hei if she hau paiu attention to the uiiection of
his flight The Nagual woman ciicleu hei hanu counteiclockwise
Be patteu hei heau pateinally anu tolu hei that it was veiy auspicious
that she hau been attentive Then he saiu that she may have injuieu hei
back in hei fall anu that he coulu not just let hei go without making suie
she was all iight Boluly he stiaighteneu hei shoulueis anu lifteu hei
chin anu the back of hei heau as if he weie uiiecting hei to extenu hei
spine Be then gave hei a sounu smack between hei shouluei blaues
liteially knocking all the aii out of hei lungs Foi a moment she was
unable to bieathe anu she fainteu
When she iegaineu consciousness she was insiue his house Bei nose
was bleeuing hei eais weie buzzing hei bieathing was acceleiateu anu
she coulu not focus hei eyes Be instiucteu hei to take ueep bieaths to a
count of eight The moie she bieatheu the cleaiei eveiything became At
one point she tolu me the whole ioom became incanuescent Eveiything
gloweu with an ambei light
She became stupefieu anu coulu not bieathe ueeply any moie The
ambei light by then was so thick it iesembleu fog Then the fog tuineu
into ambei cobwebs It finally uissipateu but the woilu iemaineu
unifoimly ambei foi a while longei
Bon Juan began to talk to hei then Be took hei outsiue the house anu
showeu hei that the woilu was uiviueu into two halves The left siue was
cleai but the iight siue was veileu in ambei fog Be tolu hei that it is
monstious to think that the woilu is unueistanuable oi that we ouiselves
aie unueistanuable Be saiu that what she was peiceiving was an enigma
a mysteiy that one coulu only accept in humbleness anu awe
Be then ievealeu the iule to hei Bei claiity of minu was so intense
that she unueistoou eveiything he saiu The iule seemeu to hei
appiopiiate anu selfeviuent
Be explaineu to hei that the two siues of a human being aie totally
sepaiate anu that it takes gieat uiscipline anu ueteimination to bieak
that seal anu go fiom one siue to the othei A uouble being has a gieat
auvantage The conuition of being uouble peimits ielatively easy
movement between the compaitments on the iight siue The gieat
uisauvantage of uouble beings is that by viitue of having two
compaitments they aie seuentaiy conseivative afiaiu of change
Bon Juan saiu to hei that his intention hau been to make hei shift
fiom hei extieme iight compaitment to hei moie luciu shaipei leftiight
siue but insteau thiough some inexplicable quiik his blow hau sent hei
all acioss hei uoubleness fiom hei eveiyuay extiemeiight siue to hei
extiemeleft siue
Be tiieu foui times to make hei ieveit back to a noimal state of
awaieness but to no avail Bis blows helpeu hei howevei to tuin hei
peiception of the wall of fog on anu off at will Although he hau not
intenueu it uon Juan hau been iight in saying that the line was a oneway
bounuaiy foi hei 0nce she ciosseu it just like Silvio Manuel she nevei
ietuineu
When uon Juan put the Nagual woman anu me face to face neithei of
us hau known of the otheis existence yet we instantly felt that we weie
familiai with one anothei Bon Juan knew fiom his own expeiience that
the solace uouble beings feel in each otheis company is inuesciibable
anu fai too biief
Be tolu us that we hau been put togethei by foices incompiehensible
to oui ieason anu that the only thing we uiu not have was time Eveiy
minute might be the last theiefoie it hau to be liveu with the spiiit
0nce uon Juan hau put us togethei all that was left foi him anu his
waiiiois to uo was finu foui female stalkers thiee male waiiiois anu
one male couiiei to make up oui paity
To that enu uon Juan founu Lydia Josefina la Gorda Rosa
Benigno Nestoi Pablito anu the couiiei Eligio Each one of them was a
ieplica in an unuevelopeu foim of the membeis of uon Juans own paity
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait thiee The NotBoings
of Silvio Manuel
veision
uift
The NotBoings of Silvio Manuel
Bon Juan anu his waiiiois sat back to allow the Nagual woman anu
myself ioom to enact the iule that is to nouiish enhance anu leau the
eight waiiiois to fieeuom Eveiything seemeu peifect yet something was
wiong
The fiist set of female waiiiois uon Juan hau founu weie uieameis
when they shoulu have been stalkers Be uiu not know how to explain
this anomaly anomaly ueviation fiom the noimal oi common oiuei oi
foim oi iule Be coulu only concluue that powei hau put those women in
his path in a mannei that maue it impossible to iefuse them
Theie was anothei stiiking anomaly that was even moie baffling to
uon Juan anu his paity Thiee of the women anu the thiee male waiiiois
weie incapable of enteiing into a state of heighteneu awaieness uespite
uon Juans titanic effoits They weie gioggy out of focus anu coulu not
bieak the seal the membiane that sepaiates theii two siues They weie
nicknameu the uiunkaius because they staggeieu aiounu without
musculai cooiuination
The couiiei Eligio anu la Gorda weie the only ones with an
extiaoiuinaiy uegiee of awaieness especially Eligio who was pai with
any of uon Juans own people
The thiee giils clusteieu togethei anu maue an unshakable unit So
uiu the thiee men uioups of thiee when the iule piesciibes foui weie
something ominous The numbei thiee is a symbol of uynamics change
movement anu above all a symbol of ievitalization
The iule was no longei seiving as a map Anu yet it was not
conceivable that an eiioi was involveu Bon Juan anu his waiiiois
aigueu that powei uoes not make mistakes They ponueieu the question
in theii uieaming anu seeing They wonueieu whethei they hau peihaps
been too hasty anu simply hau not seen that the thiee women anu the
thiee men weie inept
Bon Juan confiueu to me that he saw two ielevant questions 0ne was
the piagmatic pioblem of oui piesence among them
The othei was the question of the iules valiuity Theii benefactoi hau
guiueu them to the ceitainty that the iule encompasseu eveiything a
waiiioi might be conceineu with Be hau not piepaieu them foi the
eventuality that the iule might piove to be inapplicable
La Gorda saiu that the women of uon Juans paity nevei hau any
pioblems with me It was only the males who weie at a loss To the men
it was incompiehensible anu unacceptable that the iule was incongiuous
in my case The women howevei weie confiuent that soonei oi latei the
ieason foi my being theie was going to be maue cleai
I hau obseiveu how the women kept themselves uetacheu fiom the
emotional tuimoil seeming to be completely unconceineu with the
outcome They seemeu to know without any ieasonable uoubt that my
case hau to be somehow incluueu in the iule Aftei all I hau uefinitely
helpeu them by accepting my iole Thanks to the Nagual woman anu
myself uon Juan anu his paity hau completeu theii cycle anu weie
almost fiee
The answei came to them at last thiough Silvio Manuel Bis seeing
ievealeu that the thiee little sisteis anu the Genaros weie not inept It
was iathei that I was not the iight Nagual foi them I was incapable of
leauing them because I hau an unsuspecteu configuiation that uiu not
match the pattein laiu uown by the iule a configuiation which uon Juan
as a seei hau oveilookeu Ny luminous bouy gave the appeaiance of
having foui compaitments when in ieality it hau only thiee Theie was
anothei iule foi what they calleu a thiee piongeu Nagual I belongeu to
that othei iule
Silvio Manuel saiu that I was like a biiu hatcheu by the waimth anu
caie of biius of a uiffeient species All of them weie still bounu to help
me as I myself was bounu to uo anything foi them but I uiu not belong
with them
Bon Juan assumeu iesponsibility foi me because he hau biought me
into theii miust but my piesence among them foiceu them all to exeit
themselves to the maximum seaiching foi two things an explanation of
what I was uoing among them anu a solution to the pioblem of what to
uo about it
Silvio Manuel veiy quickly hit upon a way to uislouge me fiom theii
miust Be took ovei the task of uiiecting the pioject but since he uiu not
have the patience oi eneigy to ueal with me peisonally he commissioneu
uon Juan to uo so as his suiiogate
Silvio Manuels goal was to piepaie me foi a moment when a couiiei
beaiing the iule peitinent to a thiee piongeu Nagual woulu make
himself oi heiself available to me Be saiu that it was not his iole to
ieveal that poition of the iule I hau to wait just as all the otheis hau to
wait foi the iight time
Theie was still anothei seiious pioblem that auueu moie confusion
It hau to uo with la Gorda anu in the long iun with me La Gorda hau
been accepteu into my paity as a southeily woman Bon Juan anu the
iest of his seeis hau attesteu to it She seemeu to be in the same categoiy
with Cecilia Delia anu the two female couiieis The similaiities weie
unueniable Then la Gorda lost all hei supeifluous weight anu slimmeu
uown to half hei size The change was so iauical anu piofounu that she
became something else
She hau gone unnoticeu foi a long time simply because all the othei
waiiiois weie too pieoccupieu with my uifficulties to pay any attention
to hei Bei change was so uiastic howevei that they weie foiceu to
focus on hei anu what they saw that she was not a southeily woman at
all The bulkiness of hei bouy hau misleu theii pievious seeing
They iemembeieu then that fiom the fiist moment she came into
theii miust la Gorda coulu not ieally get along with Cecilia Delia anu
the othei southeily women She was on the othei hanu utteily chaimeu
anu at ease with Nelida anu Florinda because in fact she hau always
been like them That meant that theie weie two noitheily uieameis in
my paity la Gorda anu Rosa a blatant uisciepancy with the iule
Bon Juan anu his waiiiois weie moie than baffleu They unueistoou
eveiything that was happening as an omen an inuication that things hau
taken an unfoieseeable tuin Since they coulu not accept the iuea of
human eiioi oveiiiuing the iule they assumeu that they hau been maue
to eii by a supeiioi commanu foi a ieason which was uifficult to uiscein
but ieal
They ponueieu the question of what to uo next but befoie any of
them came up with an answei a tiue southeily woman uona Soledad
came into the pictuie with such a foice that it was impossible foi them to
iefuse hei She was congiuous with the iule She was a stalkei
Bei piesence uistiacteu us foi a time Foi a while it seemeu as if she
weie going to pull us off to anothei plateau She cieateu vigoious
movement Florinda took hei unuei hei wing to instiuct hei in the ait of
stalking But whatevei goou it uiu it was not enough to iemeuy a stiange
loss of eneigy that I felt a listlessness that seemeu to be incieasing
Then one uay Silvio Manuel saiu that in his uieaming he hau
ieceiveu a mastei plan Be was exhilaiateu anu went off to uiscuss its
uetails with uon Juan anu the othei waiiiois The Nagual woman was
incluueu in theii uiscussions but I was not This maue me suspect that
they uiu not want me to finu out what Silvio Manuel hau uiscoveieu
about me
I confionteu eveiy one of them with my suspicions They all laugheu
at me except foi the Nagual woman who tolu me that I was iight Silvio
Manuels uieaming hau ievealeu the ieason foi my piesence among
them but I woulu have to suiienuei to my fate which was not to know
the natuie of my task until I was ieauy foi it
Theie was such finality in hei tone that I coulu only accept without
question eveiything she saiu I think that if uon Juan oi Silvio Manuel
hau tolu me the same thing I woulu not have acquiesceu so easily
She also saiu that she uisagieeu with uon Juan anu the otheis She
thought I shoulu be infoimeu of the geneial puipose of theii actions if
only to avoiu unnecessaiy fiiction anu iebelliousness
Silvio Manuel intenueu to piepaie me foi my task by taking me
uiiectly into the seconu attention Be planneu a seiies of bolu actions that
woulu galvanize my awaieness
In the piesence of all the otheis he tolu me that he was taking ovei
my guiuance anu that he was shifting me to his aiea of powei the night
The explanation he gave was that a numbei of notuoings hau piesenteu
themselves to him in uieaming They weie uesigneu foi a team composeu
of la Gorda anu myself as the uoeis anu the Nagual woman as the
oveiseei
Silvio Manuel was aweu by the Nagual woman anu hau only woius
of aumiiation foi hei Be saiu that she was in a class by heiself She coulu
peifoim on a pai with him oi any of the othei waiiiois of his paity She
uiu not have expeiience but she coulu manipulate hei attention in any
way she neeueu Be confesseu that hei piowess was as gieat a mysteiy to
him as was my piesence among them anu that hei sense of puipose anu
hei conviction weie so keen that I was no match foi hei In fact he askeu
la Gorda to give me special suppoit so I coulu withstanu the Nagual
womans contact
Foi oui fiist notuoing Silvio Manuel constiucteu a woouen ciate
big enough to house la Gorda anu me if we sat backtoback with oui
knees up The ciate hau a liu maue of latticewoik to let in a flow of aii
La Gorda anu I weie to climb insiue it anu sit in total uaikness anu
total silence without falling asleep Be began by letting us entei the box
foi shoit peiious Then he incieaseu the time as we got useu to the
pioceuuie until we coulu spenu the entiie night insiue it without moving
oi uozing off
The Nagual woman stayeu with us to make suie that we woulu not
change levels of awaieness uue to fatigue Silvio Manuel saiu that oui
natuial tenuency unuei unusual conuitions of stiess is to shift fiom the
heighteneu state of awaieness to oui noimal one anu vice veisa
The geneial effect of the notuoing eveiy time we peifoimeu it was to
give us an unequalleu sense of iest which was a complete puzzle to me
since we nevei fell asleep uuiing oui nightlong vigils I attiibuteu the
sense of iest to the fact that we weie in a state of heighteneu awaieness
but Silvio Manuel saiu that the one hau nothing to uo with the othei
that the sense of iest was the iesult of sitting with oui knees up
The seconu notuoing consisteu of making us lie on the giounu like
cuileuup uogs almost in the fetal position iesting on oui left siues oui
foieheaus on oui folueu aims Silvio Manuel insisteu that we keep oui
eyes closeu as long as possible opening them only when he tolu us to
shift positions anu lie on oui iight siues
Be tolu us that the puipose of this notuoing was to allow oui sense
of heaiing to sepaiate fiom oui sight As befoie he giauually incieaseu
the length of time until we coulu spenu the entiie night in auuitoiy vigil
Silvio Manuel was then ieauy to move us to anothei aiea of activity
Be explaineu that in the fiist two notuoings we hau bioken a ceitain
peiceptual baiiiei while we weie stuck to the giounu
By way of analogy he compaieu human beings to tiees We aie like
mobile tiees We aie somehow iooteu to the giounu 0ui ioots aie
tianspoitable but that uoes not fiee us fiom the giounu
Be saiu that in oiuei to establish balance we hau to peifoim the thiiu
notuoing while uangling in the aii If we succeeueu in channeling oui
intent while we weie suspenueu fiom a tiee insiue a leathei hainess we
woulu make a tiiangle with oui intent a tiiangle whose base was on the
giounu anu its veitex in the aii Silvio Manuel thought that we hau
gatheieu oui attention with the fiist two notuoings to the point that we
coulu peifoim the thiiu peifectly fiom the beginning
0ne night he suspenueu la Gorda anu me in two sepaiate hainesses
like stiap chaiis We sat in them anu he lifteu us with a pulley to the
highest laige bianches of a tall tiee Be wanteu us to pay attention to the
awaieness of the tiee which he saiu woulu give us signals since we weie
its guests Be maue the Nagual woman stay on the giounu anu call oui
names fiom time to time uuiing the entiie night
While we weie suspenueu fiom the tiee in the innumeiable times we
peifoimeu this notuoing we expeiienceu a gloiious floou of physical
sensations like milu chaiges of electiical impulses
Buiing the fiist thiee oi foui attempts it hau been as if the tiee weie
piotesting oui intiusion Then aftei that the impulses became signals of
peace anu balance
Silvio Manuel tolu us that the awaieness of a tiee uiaws its
nouiishment fiom the uepths of the eaith while the awaieness of mobile
cieatuies uiaws it fiom the suiface Theie is no sense of stiife in a tiee
wheieas moving beings aie filleu to the biim with it
Bis contention was that peiception suffeis a piofounu jolt when we
aie placeu in states of quietuue in uaikness 0ui heaiing takes the leau
then anu the signals fiom all the living anu existing entities aiounu us
can be uetecteu not with oui heaiing only but with a combination of the
auuitoiy anu visual senses in that oiuei Be saiu that in uaikness
especially while one is suspenueu the eyes become subsiuiaiy to the
eais
Be was absolutely iight as la Gorda anu I uiscoveieu Thiough the
exeicise of the thiiu notuoing Silvio Manuel gave a new uimension to
oui peiception of the woilu aiounu us
Be then tolu la Gorda anu me that the next set of thiee notuoings
woulu be intiinsically uiffeient anu moie complex These hau to uo with
leaining to hanule the othei woilu It was manuatoiy to maximize theii
effect by moving oui time of action to the evening oi pieuawn twilight
Be tolu us that the fiist notuoing of the seconu set hau two stages In
stage one we hau to biing ouiselves to oui keenest state of heighteneu
awaieness so as to uetect the wall of fog 0nce that was uone stage two
consisteu of making that wall stop iotating in oiuei to ventuie into the
woilu between the paiallel lines
Be waineu us that what he was aiming at was to place us uiiectly into
the seconu attention without any intellectual piepaiation Be wanteu us
to leain its intiicacies without iationally unueistanuing what we weie
uoing
Bis contention was that a magical ueei oi a magical coyote hanules
the seconu attention without having any intellect Thiough the foiceu
piactice of jouineying behinu the wall of fog we weie going to unueigo
soonei oi latei a peimanent alteiation in oui total being an alteiation
that woulu make us accept that the woilu between the paiallel lines is
ieal because it is pait of the total woilu just as oui luminous bouy is pait
of oui total being
Silvio Manuel also saiu that he was using la Gorda anu me to piobe
into the possibility that we coulu someuay help the othei appientices by
usheiing them into the othei woilu in which case they coulu accompany
the Nagual Juan Matus anu his paity in theii uefinitive jouiney
Be ieasoneu that since the Nagual woman hau to leave this woilu
with the Nagual Juan Matus anu his waiiiois the appientices hau to
follow hei because she was theii only leauei in the absence of a Nagual
man Be assuieu us that she was counting on us that this was the ieason
she was supeivising oui woik
Silvio Manuel hau la Gorda anu me sit uown on the giounu in the
aiea in back of his house wheie we hau peifoimeu all the notuoings We
uiu not neeu uon Juans aiu to entei into oui keenest state of awaieness
Almost immeuiately I saw the wall of fog La Gorda uiu too Yet no mattei
how we tiieu we coulu not stop its iotation Eveiy time I moveu my
heau the wall moveu with it
The Nagual woman was able to stop it anu go thiough it by heiself
but foi all hei effoits she coulu not take the two of us with hei Finally
uon Juan anu Silvio Manuel hau to stop the wall foi us anu physically
push us thiough it The sensation I hau upon enteiing into that wall of fog
was that my bouy was being twisteu like the biaius of a iope
0n the othei siue theie was the hoiiible uesolate plain with small
iounu sanu uunes Theie weie veiy low yellow clouus aiounu us but no
sky oi hoiizon Banks of pale yellow vapoi impaiieu visibility It was veiy
uifficult to walk
The piessuie seemeu much gieatei than what my bouy was useu to
La Gorda anu I walkeu aimlessly but the Nagual woman seemeu to
know wheie she was going The fuithei we went away fiom the wall the
uaikei it got anu the moie uifficult it was to move La Gorda anu I coulu
no longei walk eiect We hau to ciawl I lost my stiength anu so uiu la
Gorda The Nagual woman hau to uiag us back to the wall anu out of
theie
We iepeateu oui jouiney innumeiable times At fiist we weie aiueu
by uon Juan anu Silvio Manuel in stopping the wall of fog but then la
Gorda anu I became almost as pioficient as the Nagual woman We
leaineu to stop the iotation of that wall
It happeneu quite natuially to us In my case on one occasion I
iealizeu that my intent was the key a special aspect of my intent because
it was not my volition as I know it
It was an intense uesiie that was focuseu on the miupoint of my bouy
It was a peculiai neivousness that maue me shuuuei anu then it tuineu
into a foice that uiu not ieally stop the wall but maue some pait of my
bouy tuin involuntaiily ninety uegiees to the iight The iesult was that
foi an instant I hau two points of view I was looking at the woilu uiviueu
in two by the wall of fog anu at the same time I was staiing uiiectly at a
bank of yellowish vapoi The lattei view gaineu pieuominance anu
something pulleu me into the fog anu beyonu it
Anothei thing that we leaineu was to iegaiu that place as ieal 0ui
jouineys acquiieu foi us the factuality of an excuision into the
mountains oi a sea voyage in a sailboat The ueseiteu plain with sanu
uune like mounus was as ieal to us as any pait of the woilu
La Gorda anu I hau the iational feeling that the thiee of us spent an
eteinity in the woilu between the paiallel lines yet we weie unable to
iemembei what exactly tianspiieu theie We coulu only iemembei the
teiiifying moments when we woulu have to leave it to ietuin to the
woilu of eveiyuay life It was always a moment of tiemenuous anguish
anu insecuiity
Bon Juan anu all his waiiiois followeu oui enueavois with gieat
cuiiosity but the one who was stiangely absent fiom all oui activities
was Eligio Although he was himself a peeiless waiiioi compaiable to
the waiiiois of uon Juans own paity he nevei took pait in oui stiuggle
noi uiu he help us in any way
La Gorda saiu that Eligio hau succeeueu in attaching himself to
Emilito anu thus uiiectly to the Nagual Juan Matus Be was nevei pait
of oui pioblem because he coulu go into the seconu attention at the uiop
of a hat To him jouineying into the confines of the seconu attention was
as easy as snapping his fingeis
La Gorda ieminueu me of the uay when Eligios unusual talents
alloweu him to finu out that I was not theii man long befoie anyone else
hau even an inkling of the tiuth
I hau been sitting on the back poich of Vicentes house in noithein
Nexico when Emilito anu Eligio suuuenly showeu up Eveiyone took foi
gianteu that Emilito hau to uisappeai foi long peiious of time When he
woulu show up again eveiyone also took foi gianteu that he hau
ietuineu fiom a voyage No one askeu him any questions Be woulu
iepoit his finuings fiist to uon Juan anu then to whoevei wanteu to heai
them
0n that uay it was as if Emilito anu Eligio hau just come into the
house thiough the back uooi Emilito was ebullient as evei Eligio was
his usual quiet sombei self I hau always thought that when I saw both of
them togethei that Emilitos exquisite peisonality oveiwhelmeu Eligio
anu maue him even moie sullen
Emilito went insiue looking foi uon Juan anu Eligio openeu up to me
Be smileu anu came to my siue Be put his aim aiounu my shoulueis anu
placing his mouth to my eai whispeieu that he hau bioken the seal of the
paiallel lines anu he coulu go into something he saiu Emilito hau calleu
gloiy
Eligio went on to explain ceitain things about gloiy which I was
unable to compiehenu It was as if my minu coulu only focus on the
peiipheiy of that event Aftei explaining it to me Eligio took me by the
hanu anu maue me stanu in the miuule of the patio looking at the sky
with my chin slightly tuineu up
Be was to my iight stanuing with me in the same position Be tolu me
to let go anu fall backwaius pulleu by the heaviness of the veiy top of my
heau Something giabbeu me fiom behinu anu pulleu me uown Theie
was an abyss behinu me I fell into it Anu then suuuenly I was on the
uesolate plain with uunelike mounus
Eligio uigeu me to follow him Be tolu me that the euge of gloiy was
ovei the hills I walkeu with him until I coulu not move any longei Be ian
aheau of me with no effoit at all as if he weie maue of aii Be stoou on top
of a laige mounu anu pointeu beyonu Be ian back to me anu beggeu me
to ciawl up that hill which he tolu me was the euge of gloiy It was
peihaps only a hunuieu feet away fiom me but I coulu not move anothei
inch
Be tiieu to uiag me up the hill but he coulu not buuge me Ny weight
seemeu to have incieaseu a hunuieufolu Eligio finally hau to summon
uon Juan anu his paity Cecilia lifteu me up on hei shoulueis anu caiiieu
me out
La Gorda auueu that Emilito hau put Eligio up to it Emilito was
pioceeuing accoiuing to the iule Ny couiiei hau jouineyeu into gloiy It
was manuatoiy that he show it to me
I coulu iecollect the eageiness in Eligios face anu the feivoi with
which he uigeu me to make one last effoit to witness gloiy I coulu also
iecollect his sauness anu uisappointment when I faileu Be nevei spoke
to me again
La Gorda anu I hau been so involveu in oui jouineys behinu the wall
of fog that we hau foigotten that we weie uue foi the next notuoing of
the seiies with Silvio Manuel Be tolu us that it coulu be uevastating anu
that it consisteu of ciossing the paiallel lines with the thiee little sisteis
anu the thiee Genaros uiiectly into the entiance to the woilu of total
awaieness Be uiu not incluue uona Soledad because his notuoings weie
only foi uieameis anu she was a stalkei
Silvio Manuel auueu that he expecteu us to become familiai with the
thiiu attention by placing ouiselves at the foot of the Eagle ovei anu ovei
Be piepaieu us foi the jolt
Be explaineu that a waiiiois jouineys into the uesolate sanu uunes is
a piepaiatoiy step foi the ieal ciossing of bounuaiies To ventuie behinu
the wall of fog while one is in a state of heighteneu awaieness oi while
one is uoing uieaming entails only a veiy small poition of oui total
awaieness while to cioss bouily into the othei woilu entails engaging
oui total being
Silvio Manuel hau conceiveu the iuea of using the biiuge as the
symbol of a tiue ciossing Be ieasoneu that the biiuge was aujacent to a
powei spot anu powei spots aie ciacks passageways into the othei
woilu Be thought that it was possible that la Gorda anu I hau acquiieu
enough stiength to withstanu a glimpse of the Eagle
Be announceu that it was my peisonal uuty to iounu up the thiee
women anu the thiee men anu help them get into theii keenest states of
awaieness It was the least I coulu uo foi them since I hau peihaps been
instiumental in uestioying theii chances foi fieeuom
Be moveu oui time of action to the houi just befoie uawn oi the
moining twilight I uutifully attempteu to make them shift awaieness as
uon Juan uiu to me Since I hau no iuea how to manipulate theii bouies oi
what I ieally hau to uo with them I enueu up beating them on the back
Aftei seveial giueling attempts on my pait uon Juan finally
inteiveneu Be got them as ieauy as they coulu possibly be anu hanueu
them ovei to me to heiu like cattle onto the biiuge Ny task was to take
them one by one acioss that biiuge The powei spot was on the south
siue a veiy auspicious omen Silvio Manuel planneu to cioss fiist wait
foi me to uelivei them to him anu then ushei us as a gioup into the
unknown
Silvio Manuel walkeu acioss followeu by Eligio who uiu not even
glance at me I helu the six appientices in a tight gioup on the noith siue
of the biiuge They weie teiiifieu They got loose fiom my giip anu began
to iun in uiffeient uiiections I caught the thiee women one by one anu
succeeueu in ueliveiing them to Silvio Manuel
Be helu them at the entiance of the ciack between the woilus The
thiee men weie too fast foi me I was too tiieu to iun aftei them
I lookeu at uon Juan acioss the biiuge foi guiuance Be anu the iest of
his paity anu the Nagual woman weie clusteieu togethei looking at me
They hau coaxeu me with gestuies to iun aftei the women oi the men
laughing at my fumbling attempts Bon Juan maue a gestuie with his
heau to uisiegaiu the thiee men anu to cioss ovei to Silvio Manuel with
la Gorda
We ciosseu Silvio Manuel anu Eligio seemeu to be holuing the siues
of a veitical slit the size of a man The women ian anu hiu behinu la
Gorda Silvio Manuel uigeu all of us to step insiue the opening I obeyeu
him The women uiu not
Beyonu that entiance theie was nothing Yet it was filleu to the biim
with something that was nothing Ny eyes weie open All my senses weie
aleit I stiaineu myself tiying to see in fiont of me But theie was nothing
in fiont of me 0i if theie was something theie I coulu not giasp it
Ny senses uiu not have the compartmentalization I have leaineu to
iegaiu as meaningful Eveiything came to me at once oi iathei
nothingness came to me to a uegiee I hau nevei expeiienceu befoie oi
aftei I felt that my bouy was being toin apait A foice fiom within myself
was pushing outwaiu I was buisting anu not in a figuiative way
Suuuenly I felt a human hanu snatching me out of theie befoie I
uisintegiateu
The Nagual woman hau ciosseu ovei anu saveu me Eligio hau not
been able to move because he was holuing the opening anu Silvio
Manuel hau the foui women by theii haii two in each hanu ieauy to
huil them in
I assume that the whole event must have taken at least a quaitei of an
houi to unfolu but at the time it nevei occuiieu to me to woiiy about
people aiounu the biiuge
Time seemeu to have been somehow suspenueu just as it became
suspenueu yeais latei when the appientices anu I ietuineu to the biiuge
on oui way to Nexico City
Silvio Manuel saiu that although the attempt hau seemeu to be a
failuie it was a total success The foui women uiu see the apeituie anu
thiough it into the othei woilu anu what I expeiienceu in theie was a
tiue sense of ueath
Theie is nothing goigeous oi peaceful about ueath he saiu
because the ieal teiioi begins upon uying With that incalculable foice
you felt in theie the Eagle will squeeze out of you eveiy flickei of
awaieness you have evei hau
Silvio Manuel piepaieu la Gorda anu me foi anothei attempt Be
explaineu that powei spots weie actual holes in a soit of canopy that
pievents the woilu fiom losing its shape A powei spot coulu be utilizeu
as long as one has gatheieu enough stiength in the seconu attention
Be tolu us that the key to withstanuing the Eagles piesence was the
potency of ones intent Without intent theie was nothing Be saiu to me
that since I was the only one who hau steppeu into the othei woilu what
hau neaily killeu me was my incapacity to change my intent
Be was confiuent howevei that with foiceu piactice all of us woulu
get to elongate oui intent Be coulu not explain howevei what intent
was Be jokeu that only the Nagual Juan Matus coulu explain it but that
he was not aiounu
0nfoitunately oui next attempt uiu not take place because I became
uepleteu of eneigy It was a swift anu uevastating loss of vitality I was
suuuenly so weak that I passeu out in Silvio Manuels house
I askeu la Gorda whethei she knew what happeneu next I myself
hau no iuea La Gorda saiu that Silvio Manuel tolu eveiyone that the
Eagle hau uislougeu me fiom theii gioup anu that finally I was ieauy foi
them to piepaie me to caiiy out the uesigns of my fate
Bis plan was to take me to the woilu between the paiallel lines while
I was unconscious anu let that woilu uiaw out all the iemaining anu
useless eneigy fiom my bouy Bis iuea was sounu in the juugment of all
his companions because the iule says that one coulu only entei in theie
with awaieness To entei without it biings ueath since without
consciousness the life foice is exhausteu by the physical piessuie of that
woilu
La Gorda auueu that they uiu not take hei with me
But the Nagual Juan Matus hau tolu hei that once I was empty of
vital eneigy piactically ueau all of them took tuins in blowing new
eneigy into my bouy In that woilu anybouy who has life foice can give it
to otheis by blowing on them They put theii bieath in all the spots
wheie theie is a stoiage point Silvio Manuel blew fiist then the Nagual
woman The iemaining pait of me was maue up of all the membeis of the
Nagual Juan Matus paity
Aftei they hau blown theii eneigy into me the Nagual woman
biought me out of the fog to Silvio Manuels house She laiu me on the
giounu with my heau towaiu the southeast
La Gorda saiu that I lookeu as if I weie ueau She anu the Genaros
anu the thiee little sisteis weie theie The Nagual woman explaineu to
them that I was ill but that I was going to come back someuay to help
them finu theii fieeuom because I woulu not be fiee myself until I uiu
that
Silvio Manuel then gave me his bieath anu biought me back to life
That was why she anu the little sisteis iemembeieu that he was my
mastei Be caiiieu me to my beu anu let me sleep as if nothing hau
happeneu Aftei I woke up I left anu uiu not ietuin
Anu then la Gorda foigot because no one evei pusheu hei into the
left siue again She went to live in the town wheie I latei founu hei with
the otheis The Nagual Juan anu Genaro hau set up two uiffeient
householus Genaro took caie of the men anu the Nagual Juan Matus
lookeu aftei the women
I hau gone to sleep feeling uepiesseu feeble When I woke up I was in
peifect contiol of myself ebullient filleu with extiaoiuinaiy anu
unfamiliai eneigy Ny wellbeing was maiieu only by uon Juans telling
me that I hau to leave la Gorda anu stiive alone to peifect my attention
until one uay when I woulu be able to ietuin to help hei Be also tolu me
not to fiet oi get uiscouiageu foi the caiiiei of the iule woulu eventually
make himself oi heiself known to me in oiuei to ieveal my tiue task
Afteiwaiu I uiu not see uon Juan foi a veiy long time When I came
back he kept on making me shift fiom the iight to the left siue awaieness
foi two puiposes fiist so I coulu continue my ielationship with his
waiiiois anu the Nagual woman anu seconu so he coulu put me unuei
the uiiect supeivision of Zuleica with whom I hau a steauy inteiaction
thioughout the iemaining yeais of my association with uon Juan
Be tolu me that the ieason he hau to entiust me to Zuleica was
because accoiuing to Silvio Manuels mastei plan theie weie to be two
kinus of instiuction foi me one foi the iight siue anu one foi the left
The iight siue instiuction peitaineu to the state of noimal
consciousness anu hau to uo with leauing me to the iational conviction
that theie is anothei type of awaieness concealeu in human beings Bon
Juan was in chaige of this instiuction
The left siue instiuction hau been assigneu to Zuleica It was ielateu
to the state of heighteneu awaieness anu hau to uo exclusively with the
hanuling of the seconu attention
Thus eveiy time I went to Nexico I woulu spenu half of my time with
Zuleica anu the othei half with uon Juan
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait thiee The Intiicacies of
Bieaming
veision
uift
The Intiicacies of Bieaming
Bon Juan began the task of usheiing me into the seconu attention by
telling me that I hau alieauy hau a gieat ueal of expeiience in enteiing
into it Silvio Manuel hau taken me to the veiy entiance
The flaw hau been that I hau not been given the appiopiiate
iationales Nale waiiiois must be given seiious ieasons befoie they
safely ventuie into the unknown Female waiiiois aie not subject to this
anu can go without any hesitation pioviuing that they have total
confiuence in whoevei is leauing them
Be tolu me that I hau to stait by leaining fiist the intiicacies of
uieaming Be then put me unuei Zuleicas supeivision Be aumonisheu
me to be impeccable anu piactice meticulously whatevei I leaineu anu
above all to be caieful anu uelibeiate in my actions so as not to exhaust
my life foice in vain Be saiu that the pieiequisite foi entiance into any of
the thiee stages of attention is the possession of life foice because
without it waiiiois cannot have uiiection anu puipose Be explaineu that
upon uying oui awaieness also enteis into the thiiu attention but only
foi an instant as a puiging action just befoie the Eagle uevouis it
La Gorda saiu that the Nagual Juan Matus maue eveiy one of the
appientices leain uieaming She thought that all of them weie given this
task at the same time I was Theii instiuction was also uiviueu into iight
anu left She saiu that the Nagual anu Genaro pioviueu the instiuction
foi the state of noimal awaieness When they juugeu that the appientices
weie ieauy the Nagual maue them shift into a state of heighteneu
awaieness anu left them with theii iespective counteipaits
Vicente taught Nestoi Silvio Manuel taught Benigno Genaro
taught Pablito Lydia was taught by Hermelinda anu Rosa by Nelida
La Gorda auueu that Josefina anu she weie put unuei the caie of
Zuleica in oiuei to leain togethei the finei points of uieaming so they
woulu be able to come to my aiu someuay
Noieovei la Gorda ueuuceu on hei own that the men weie also
taken to Florinda to be taught stalking The pioof of this was theii
uiastic change of behavioi She claimeu that she knew befoie she
iemembeieu anything that she hau been taught the piinciples of stalking
but in a veiy supeificial mannei She hau not been maue to piactice
The men weie given piactical knowleuge anu tasks Theii behavioial
change was the pioof They became lightheaiteu anu jovial They enjoyeu
theii lives while she anu the othei women because of theii uieaming
became piogiessively moie sombei anu moiose
La Gorda believeu that the men weie unable to iemembei theii
instiuction when I askeu them to ieveal theii stalking knowleuge to me
because they piacticeu it without knowing what they weie uoing Theii
tiaining was ievealeu howevei in theii uealings with people They weie
consummate aitists in benuing people to theii wishes
Thiough theii stalking piactice the men hau even leaineu contiolleu
folly Foi example they caiiieu on as if Soledad weie Pablitos mothei
To any onlookei it woulu seem that they weie mothei anu son pitteu
against each othei when in ieality they weie acting out a pait They
convinceu eveiybouy Sometimes Pablito woulu give such a peifoimance
that he woulu even convince himself
La Gorda confesseu that all of the appientices weie moie than
baffleu by my behavioi aftei I ietuineu to Nexico following the uepaituie
of uon Juan anu his waiiiois The appientices uiu not know whethei I
was insane oi was myself a mastei of contiolleu folly I gave all the
outwaiu inuications that I believeu theii masqueiaue
Soledad tolu them not to be fooleu because I was inueeu insane I
appeaieu to be in contiol but I was so completely aberrated that I coulu
not behave like a Nagual She engageu eveiy one of the women in
ueliveiing a ueauly blow to me She tolu them that I hau iequesteu it
myself at one time when I hau been in contiol of my faculties
La Gorda saiu that it took hei seveial yeais unuei Zuleicas guiuance
to leain uieaming When the Nagual Juan Matus hau juugeu that she
was pioficient he finally took hei to hei tiue counteipait Nelida
It was Nelida who showeu hei how to behave in the woilu She
gioomeu hei not only to be at ease in Westein clothes but to have goou
taste Thus when she put on hei city clothes in Oaxaca anu amazeu me
with hei chaim anu poise she was alieauy expeiienceu in that
tiansfoimation
Zuleica was veiy effective as my guiue into the seconu attention She
insisteu that oui inteiaction take place only at night anu in total
uaikness Foi me Zuleica was only a voice in the uaik a voice that
staiteu eveiy contact we hau by telling me to focus my attention on hei
woius anu nothing else Bei voice was the womans voice that la Gorda
thought she hau heaiu in uieaming
Zuleica tolu me that if uieaming is going to be uone inuoois it is best
to uo it in total uaikness while lying uown oi sitting up on a naiiow beu
oi bettei yet while sitting insiue a coffinlike ciib She thought that
outuoois uieaming shoulu be uone in the piotection of a cave in the
sanuy aieas of watei holes oi sitting against a iock in the mountains
nevei on the flat flooi of a valley oi next to iiveis oi lakes oi the sea
because flat aieas as well as watei weie antithetical antithetical
shaiply contiasteu in chaiactei oi puipose to the seconu attention
Eveiy one of my sessions with hei was imbueu with mysteiious
oveitones She explaineu that the suiest way to make a uiiect hit on the
seconu attention is thiough iitual acts monotonous chanting intiicate
iepetitious movements
Bei teachings weie not about the pieliminaiies of uieaming which
hau alieauy been taught to me by uon Juan Bei assumption was that
whoevei came to hei alieauy knew how to uo uieaming so she uealt
exclusively with esoteiic points of the left siue awaieness
Zuleicas instiuctions began one uay when uon Juan took me to hei
house We got theie late in the afteinoon The place seemeu to be
ueseiteu but the fiont uooi openeu as we appioacheu I expecteu Zoila
oi Marta to show up but no one was at the entiance I felt that whoevei
hau openeu the uooi foi us hau also moveu out of oui way veiy quickly
Bon Juan took me insiue to the patio anu maue me sit on a ciate that
hau a cushion anu hau been tuineu into a bench The seat on the ciate
was bumpy haiu anu veiy uncomfoitable I ian my hanu unueineath the
thin cushion anu founu shaip eugeu iocks Bon Juan saiu that my
situation was unconventional because I hau to leain the fine points of
uieaming in a huiiy Sitting on a haiu suiface was a piop to keep my
bouy fiom feeling it was in a noimal sitting situation
}ust a few minutes befoie aiiiving at the house uon Juan hau maue
me change levels of awaieness Be saiu that Zuleicas instiuction hau to
be conuucteu in that state in oiuei foi me to have the speeu that I
neeueu Be aumonisheu me to abanuon myself anu tiust Zuleica
implicitly
Be then commanueu me to focus my gaze with all the concentiation I
was capable of anu memoiize eveiy uetail of the patio that was within
my fielu of vision Be insisteu that I hau to memoiize the uetail as much
as the feeling of sitting theie Be iepeateu his instiuctions to make suie
that I hau unueistoou Then he left
It quickly got veiy uaik anu sitting theie I staiteu to fiet I hau not
hau enough time to concentiate on the uetail of the patio
I heaiu a iustling sounu just behinu me anu then Zuleicas voice
jolteu me In a foiceful whispei she tolu me to get up anu follow hei I
automatically obeyeu hei I coulu not see hei face she was only a uaik
shape walking two steps aheau of me She leu me to an alcove in the
uaikest hall in hei house Although my eyes weie useu to the uaikness I
was still unable to see a thing I stumbleu on something anu she
commanueu me to sit uown insiue a naiiow ciib anu suppoit my lowei
back with something I thought was a haiu cushion
I next felt that she hau backeu up a few steps behinu me a thing
which baffleu me completely because I thought that my back was only a
few inches fiom the wall Speaking fiom behinu me she oiueieu me in a
soft voice to focus my attention on hei woius anu let them guiue me She
tolu me to keep my eyes open anu fixeu on a point iight in fiont of me at
my eye level anu that this point was going to tuin fiom uaikness to a
biight anu pleasing oiangeieu
Zuleica spoke veiy softly with an even intonation I heaiu eveiy woiu
she saiu The uaikness aiounu me seemeu to have effectively cut off any
uistiacting exteinal stimuli I heaiu Zuleicas woius in a vacuum anu
then I iealizeu that the silence in that hall was matcheu by the silence
insiue me
Zuleica explaineu that a uieamei must stait fiom a point of coloi
intense light oi unmitigateu uaikness aie useless to a uieamei in the
initial onslaught Colois such as puiple oi light gieen oi iich yellow aie
on the othei hanu stupenuous staiting points
She piefeiieu howevei oiangeieu because thiough expeiience it
hau pioven to be the one that gave hei the gieatest sensation of iest She
assuieu me that once I hau succeeueu in enteiing into the oiangeieu
coloi I woulu have iallieu my seconu attention peimanently pioviuing
that I coulu be awaie of the sequence of physical events
It took me seveial sessions with Zuleicas voice to iealize with my
bouy what she wanteu me to uo The auvantage of being in a state of
heighteneu awaieness was that I coulu follow my tiansition fiom a state
of vigil to a state of uieaming 0nuei noimal conuitions that tiansition is
bluiieu but unuei those special ciicumstances I actually felt in the
couise of one session how my seconu attention took ovei the contiols
The fiist step was an unusual uifficulty in bieathing It was not a
uifficulty in inhaling oi exhaling I was not shoit of bieath iathei my
bieathing changeu ihythm all of a suuuen Ny uiaphiagm began to
contiact anu it foiceu my miusection to move in anu out with gieat
speeu The iesult was the fastest shoit bieaths I hau evei taken I
bieatheu in the lowei pait of my lungs anu felt a gieat piessuie in my
intestines I tiieu unsuccessfully to bieak the spasms of my uiaphiagm
The haiuei I tiieu the moie painful it got
Zuleica oiueieu me to let my bouy uo whatevei was necessaiy anu to
foiget about uiiecting oi contiolling it I wanteu to obey hei but I uiu not
know how The spasms which must have lasteu ten to fifteen minutes
subsiueu as suuuenly as they hau appeaieu anu weie followeu by
anothei stiange shocking sensation
I felt it fiist as a most peculiai itch a physical feeling which was not
pleasing oi uispleasing It was something like a neivous tiemoi It
became veiy intense to the point of foicing me to focus my attention on it
in oiuei to ueteimine wheie in my bouy it was happening I was stunneu
by the iealization that it was not taking place anywheie in my physical
bouy but outsiue of it anu yet I still felt it
I uisiegaiueu Zuleicas oiuei to entei into a patch of coloiation that
was foiming iight at my eye level anu gave myself fully to the
exploiation of that stiange sensation outsiue me Zuleica must have seen
what I was going thiough She suuuenly began to explain that the seconu
attention belongs to the luminous bouy just as the fiist attention belongs
to the physical bouy She saiu that the point wheie the seconu attention
assembles itself was situateu iight wheie Juan Tuma hau uesciibeu it
the fiist time we met appioximately one anu onehalf feet in fiont of the
miupoint between the stomach anu the belly button anu foui inches to
the iight
Zuleica oiueieu me to massage that place to manipulate it by
moving the fingeis of both my hanus iight on that point as if I weie
playing a haip She assuieu me that soonei oi latei I woulu enu up
feeling my fingeis going thiough something as thick as watei anu that
finally I woulu feel my luminous shell
As I kept on moving my fingeis the aii got piogiessively thickei until
I felt a mass of soits An unuefineu physical pleasuie spieau all ovei me I
thought that I was touching a neive in my bouy anu felt silly at the
absuiuity of it I stoppeu
Zuleica waineu me that if I uiu not move my fingeis she was going to
bop me on the heau The longei I kept up the waveiing motion the closei
I felt the itching It finally got as neai as five oi six inches fiom my bouy
It was as if something in me hau shiunk I actually thought I coulu feel a
uent
I then hau anothei eeiie sensation I was falling asleep anu yet I was
conscious Theie was a buzzing in my eais which ieminueu me of the
sounu of a bullroarer Next I felt a foice iolling me ovei on my left siue
without waking me up I was iolleu veiy tightly like a cigai anu was
tuckeu into the itching uepiession Ny awaieness iemaineu suspenueu
theie incapable of waking up but so tightly iolleu on itself that I coulu
not fall asleep eithei
I heaiu Zuleicas voice telling me to look aiounu I coulu not open my
eyes but my tactile sense tolu me that I was in a uitch lying on my back I
felt comfoitable anu secuie Theie was such a tightness to my bouy such
a compactness that I uiu not evei want to get up Zuleicas voice oiueieu
me to stanu up anu open my eyes I coulu not uo it She saiu that I hau to
will my movements that it was no longei a mattei of contiacting my
muscles to get up
I thought that she was annoyeu at my slowness I iealizeu then that I
was fully conscious peihaps moie conscious than I hau evei been in my
entiie life I coulu think iationally anu yet I seemeu to be sounu asleep
The thought occuiieu to me that Zuleica hau put me in a state of ueep
hypnosis It botheieu me foi an instant then it uiu not mattei I
abanuoneu myself to the feeling of being suspenueu floating fiee
I coulu not heai anything else she saiu It was eithei that she hau
stoppeu talking to me oi that I hau shut off the sounu of hei voice I uiu
not want to leave that haven I hau nevei been so peaceful anu complete
I lay theie unwilling to get up oi to change anything I coulu feel the
ihythm of my bieathing Suuuenly I woke up
In my next session with Zuleica she tolu me that I hau succeeueu in
making a uent in my luminosity all by myself anu that making a uent
meant biinging a uistant point in my luminous shell closei to my physical
bouy theiefoie closei to contiol She asseiteu iepeateuly that fiom the
moment the bouy leains to make that uent it is easiei to entei into
uieaming I agieeu with hei I hau acquiieu a stiange impulse a
sensation that my bouy hau instantly leaineu to iepiouuce It was a
mixtuie of feeling at ease secuie uoimant suspenueu without tactile
sense anu at the same time fully awake awaie of eveiything
La Gorda saiu that the Nagual Juan Matus hau stiuggleu foi yeais to
cieate that uent in hei in all thiee little sisteis anu in the Genaros as
well so as to give them the peimanent ability to focus theii seconu
attention
Be hau tolu hei that oiuinaiily the uent is cieateu on the spui of the
moment by the uieamei when it is neeueu Then the luminous shell
changes back to its oiiginal shape But in the appientices case since they
uiu not have a Nagual leauei the uepiession was cieateu fiom the
outsiue anu was a peimanent featuie of theii luminous bouies a gieat
help but also a hinuiance It maue all of them vulneiable anu moouy
I iemembeieu then that once I hau seen anu kickeu a uepiession in
the luminous shells of Lydia anu Rosa I thought that the uent was at the
height of the uppei poition of the outsiue of theii iight thigh oi peihaps
just at the ciest of theii hipbone La Gorda explaineu that I hau kickeu
them in the uent of theii seconu attention anu that I hau neaily killeu
them
La Gorda saiu that she anu Josefina liveu in Zuleicas house foi
seveial months The Nagual Juan Matus hau ueliveieu them to hei one
uay aftei making them shift levels of awaieness Be uiu not tell them
what they weie going to uo theie noi what to expect Be simply left them
by themselves in the hall of hei house anu walkeu away
They sat theie until it got uaik Zuleica then came to them They
nevei saw hei They only heaiu hei voice as if she weie talking to them
fiom a point on the wall
Zuleica was veiy uemanuing fiom the moment she took ovei She
maue them unuiess on the spot anu oiueieu both of them to ciawl insiue
thick fluffy cotton bags some poncholike gaiments that weie lying on
the flooi The gaiments coveieu them fiom neck to toes
Next she oiueieu them to sit back to back on a mat in the same
alcove wheie I myself useu to sit Zuleica tolu them that theii task was to
gaze at the uaikness until it began to acquiie a hue Aftei many sessions
they inueeu began to see colois in the uaikness at which time Zuleica
maue them sit siue by siue anu gaze at the same spot
La Gorda saiu that Josefina leaineu veiy fast anu that one night she
uiamatically enteieu into the patch of oiangeieu by swishing physically
out of the poncho La Gorda thought that eithei Josefina hau ieacheu out
foi the blotch of coloi oi it hau ieacheu out foi hei The iesult was that in
one instant Josefina was gone fiom insiue the poncho Zuleica sepaiateu
them fiom then on anu la Gorda staiteu hei slow solitaiy leaining
La Gordas account maue me iemembei that Zuleica hau also maue
me ciawl insiue a fluffy gaiment In fact the commanus she useu to oiuei
me to ciawl insiue ievealeu to me the iationale foi its use She uiiecteu
me to feel its fluffiness with my nakeu skin especially with the skin of my
calves
She iepeateu ovei anu ovei that human beings have a supeib centei
of peiception on the outsiue of the calves anu that if the skin in that aiea
coulu be maue to ielax oi be sootheu the scope of oui peiception woulu
be enhanceu in ways that woulu be impossible to fathom iationally The
gaiment was veiy soft anu waim anu it inuuceu an extiaoiuinaiy
sensation of pleasuiable ielaxation in my legs The neives in my calves
became highly stimulateu
La Gorda iepoiteu the same sensation of physical pleasuie She went
as fai as to say that it was the powei of that poncho that guiueu hei to
finu the patch of oiangeieu coloi She was so impiesseu with the
gaiment that she maue heiself one by copying the oiiginal Its effect was
not the same but it still pioviueu hei solace anu wellbeing She saiu that
she anu Josefina enueu up spenuing all of theii available time insiue the
ponchos that she hau sewn foi both of them
Lydia anu Rosa hau also been placeu insiue the gaiment but they
weie nevei paiticulaily fonu of it Neithei was I
La Gorda explaineu Josefinas anu hei own attachment as a uiiect
consequence of having been leu to finuing theii uieaming coloi while
they weie insiue the gaiment She saiu that the ieason foi my
inuiffeience to it was the fact that I uiu not entei into the aiea of
coloiation at all iathei the hue hau come to me
She was iight Something else besiues Zuleicas voice uictateu the
outcome of that piepaiatoiy phase By all inuications Zuleica hau leau
me thiough the same steps she hau leu la Gorda anu Josefina
I hau staieu at the uaikness thioughout many sessions anu was
ieauy to visualize the spot of coloiation In fact I witnesseu its entiie
metamoiphosis fiom plain uaikness to a piecisely outlineu blotch of
intense biightness
Fiist I was swayeu by the exteinal itch I then focuseu my attention
upon it until I enueu up enteiing into a state of iestful vigil It was then
that I fiist became immeiseu in an oiangeieu coloiation
Aftei I hau leaineu to iemain suspenueu between sleep anu vigil
Zuleica seemeu to ielax hei pace I even believeu that she was not in any
huiiy to get me out of that state She let me stay in it without inteifeiing
anu nevei askeu me about it peihaps because hei voice was only foi
commanus anu not foi asking questions We nevei ieally talkeu at least
not the way I talkeu with uon Juan
While I was in the state of iestful vigil I iealizeu one time that it was
useless foi me to iemain theie that no mattei how pleasant it was its
limitations weie blatant
I senseu then a tiemoi in my bouy anu I openeu my eyes oi iathei
my eyes became open by themselves Zuleica was staiing at me I
expeiienceu a moment of bafflement I thought I hau woken up anu to be
faceu with Zuleica in the flesh was something I hau not expecteu I hau
gotten useu to heaiing only hei voice It also suipiiseu me that it was no
longei night I lookeu aiounu We weie not in Zuleicas house Then the
iealization stiuck me that I was uieaming anu I woke up
Zuleica staiteu then on anothei facet of hei teachings She taught me
how to move
She began hei instiuction by commanuing me to place my awaieness
on the miupoint of my bouy In my case the miupoint is below the lowei
euge of my belly button She tolu me to sweep the flooi with it that is
make a iocking motion with my belly as if a bioom weie attacheu to it
Thioughout countless sessions I attempteu to accomplish what hei voice
was uiging me to uo
She uiu not allow me to go into a state of iestful vigil It was hei
intention to guiue me to elicit the peiception of sweeping the flooi with
my miusection while I iemaineu in a waking state She saiu that to be on
the left siue awaieness was enough of an auvantage to uo well in the
exeicise
0ne uay foi no ieason I coulu think of I succeeueu in having a vague
feeling in the aiea of my stomach It was not something uefineu anu
when I focuseu my attention on it I iealizeu that it was a piickling
sensation insiue the cavity of my bouy not quite in my stomach aiea but
above it The closei I examineu it the moie uetails I noticeu The
vagueness of the sensation soon tuineu into a ceitainty Theie was a
stiange connection of neivousness a piickling sensation between my
solai plexus anu my iight calf
As the sensation became moie acute I involuntaiily biought my iight
thigh up to my chest Thus the two points weie as close to each othei as
my anatomy peimitteu I shiveieu foi a moment with an unusual
neivousness anu then I cleaily felt that I was sweeping the flooi with my
miusection It was a tactile sensation that happeneu ovei anu ovei eveiy
time I iockeu my bouy in my sitting position
In my next session Zuleica alloweu me to entei into a state of iestful
vigil But this time that state was not quite as it hau been befoie Theie
seemeu to be a soit of contiol in me that cuitaileu my enjoying it fieely as
I hau uone in the past a contiol that also maue me focus on the steps I
hau taken to get into it
Fiist I noticeu the itch on the point of the seconu attention in my
luminous shell I massageu that point by moving my fingeis on it as if I
weie playing a haip anu the point sunk towaius my stomach I felt it
almost on my skin
I expeiienceu a piickling sensation on the outsiue of my iight calf It
was a mixtuie of pleasuie anu pain The sensation iauiateu to my whole
leg anu then to my lowei back
I felt that my buttocks weie shaking Ny entiie bouy was tiansfixeu
by a neivous iipple I thought that my bouy hau been caught upsiue uown
in a net Ny foieheau anu my toes seemeu to be touching I was like a
closeu Ushape
Then I felt as if I weie being folueu in two anu iolleu insiue a sheet
Ny neivous spasms weie what maue the sheet ioll into itself with me in
the centei When the iolling enueu I coulu not sense my bouy any moie
I was only an amoiphous awaieness a neivous spasm wiappeu in
itself That awaieness came to iest insiue a uitch insiue a uepiession of
itself
I unueistoou then the impossibility of uesciibing what takes place in
uieaming Zuleica saiu that the iight anu left siue awaieness aie
wiappeu up togethei Both of them come to iest in one single bunule in
the uent the uepiesseu centei of the seconu attention To uo uieaming
one neeus to manipulate both the luminous bouy anu the physical bouy
Fiist the centei of assembling foi the seconu attention has to be
maue accessible by being pusheu in fiom the outsiue by someone else oi
suckeu in fiom within by the uieamei Seconu in oiuei to uislouge the
fiist attention the centeis of the physical bouy locateu in the miusection
anu the calves especially the iight one have to be stimulateu anu placeu
as close to one anothei as possible until they seem to join Then the
sensation of being bunuleu takes place anu automatically the seconu
attention takes ovei
Zuleicas explanation given in commanus was the most cogent way
of uesciibing what takes place because none of the sensoiy expeiiences
involveu in uieaming aie pait of oui noimal inventoiy of sensoiy uata
All of them weie baffling to me
The sensation of an itch a tingling outsiue myself was localizeu anu
because of that the tuimoil of my bouy upon feeling it was minimal
The sensation of being iolleu on myself on the othei hanu was by fai
the most uisquieting It incluueu a iange of sensations that left my bouy
in a state of shock I was convinceu that at one point my toes weie
touching my foieheau which is a position I am not able to attain anu yet
I knew beyonu the shauow of a uoubt that I was insiue a net hanging
upsiue uown in a peai shape with my toes iight against my foieheau 0n
a physical plane I was sitting uown anu my thighs weie against my chest
Zuleica also saiu that the feeling of being iolleu up like a cigai anu
placeu insiue the uent of the seconu attention was the iesult of meiging
my iight anu left awaieness into a single awaieness in which the oiuei of
pieuominance has been switcheu anu the left has gaineu supiemacy
She challengeu me to be attentive enough to catch the ieveisal
motion the two attentions again becoming what they noimally aie with
the iight holuing the ieins
I nevei caught the feelings involveu but hei challenge obsesseu me to
the point that I became tiappeu in ueauly vacillations in my effoit to
watch eveiything She hau to withuiaw hei challenge by oiueiing me to
stop my sciutinies foi I hau othei things to uo
Zuleica saiu that fiist of all I hau to peifect my commanu of moving at
will She began hei instiuction by uiiecting me time anu time again to
open my eyes while I was in a state of iestful vigil It took a gieat ueal of
effoit foi me to uo it
0ne time my eyes openeu suuuenly anu I saw Zuleica looming ovei
me I was lying uown but I coulu not ueteimine wheie The light was
extiemely biight as if I weie just unueineath a poweiful electiic bulb but
the light was not shining uiiectly on my eyes I coulu see Zuleica without
any effoit
She oiueieu me to stanu up by willing my movement She saiu that I
hau to push myself up with my miusection that I hau thiee thick
tentacles theie which I coulu use as ciutches to lift up my whole bouy
I tiieu eveiy conceivable way to get up I faileu I hau a sensation of
uespaii anu physical anguish ieminiscent of nightmaies I useu to have as
a chilu in which I was unable to wake up anu yet I was fully awake
uespeiately tiying to scieam
Zuleica finally spoke to me She saiu that I hau to follow a ceitain
sequence anu that it was wasteful anu uowniight uumb of me to fiet anu
get agitateu as if I weie uealing with the woilu of eveiyuay life
Fietting was piopei only in the fiist attention The seconu attention
was calmness itself
She wanteu me to iepeat the sensation I hau hau of sweeping the
flooi with my miusection I thought that in oiuei to iepeat it I woulu have
to be sitting Without any uelibeiation on my pait I sat up anu auopteu
the position I hau useu when my bouy fiist eliciteu that sensation
Something in me iockeu anu suuuenly I was stanuing I coulu not
figuie out what I hau uone to move I thought that if I staiteu all ovei
again I coulu catch the sequence As soon as I hau that thought I founu
myself lying uown again 0pon stanuing up once moie I iealizeu that
theie was no pioceuuie involveu that in oiuei to move I hau to intenu
my moving at a veiy ueep level
In othei woius I hau to be utteily convinceu that I wanteu to move
oi peihaps it woulu be moie accuiate to say that I hau to be convinceu
that I neeueu to move
0nce I hau unueistoou that piinciple Zuleica maue me piactice
eveiy conceivable aspect of volitional movement The moie I piacticeu
the cleaiei it became foi me that uieaming was in fact a iational state
Zuleica explaineu it She saiu that in uieaming the iight siue the
iational awaieness is wiappeu up insiue the left siue awaieness in oiuei
to give the uieamei a sense of sobiiety anu iationality but that the
influence of iationality has to be minimal anu useu only as an inhibiting
mechanism to piotect the uieamei fiom excesses anu bizaiie
unueitakings
The next step was leaining to uiiect my uieaming bouy Fiom the
fiist time I met Zuleica Bon Juan hau pioposeu the task of gazing at the
patio as I sat on the ciate I ieligiously engageu myself sometimes foi
houis in gazing at it I was always alone in Zuleicas house It seemeu
that on the uays when I went theie eveiyone was gone oi was hiuing The
silence anu the solituue woikeu in my favoi anu I succeeueu in
memoiizing the uetails of that patio
Zuleica piesenteu to me accoiuingly the task of opening my eyes
fiom a state of iestful vigil to see the patio It took many sessions to
accomplish it At fiist I woulu open my eyes anu I woulu see hei anu she
with a jeik of hei bouy woulu make me bounce back like a ball into the
state of iestful vigil
0n one of those bounces I felt an intense tiemoi Something that was
locateu in my feet iattleu its way up to my chest anu I cougheu it up The
scene of the patio at night came out of me just as if it hau emeigeu out of
my bionchial tubes It was something like the ioai of an animal
I heaiu Zuleicas voice coming to me as a faint muimui I coulu not
unueistanu what she was saying I vaguely noticeu that I was sitting on
the ciate I wanteu to get up but I felt that I was not soliu It was as if a
winu weie blowing me away
Then I heaiu Zuleicas voice veiy cleaily telling me not to move I
tiieu to iemain motionless but some foice pulleu me anu I woke up in the
alcove in the hall Silvio Manuel was facing me
Typically aftei eveiy session of uieaming in Zuleicas house uon
Juan woulu be waiting foi me in the pitchblack hall Be woulu take me
out of the house anu make me shift levels of awaieness
This time Silvio Manuel was theie Without saying a woiu to me he
put me insiue a hainess anu hoisteu me up against the beams of the ioof
Be kept me theie until miuuay at which time uon Juan came anu let me
uown Be explaineu that to be kept without touching the giounu foi a
peiiou of time tunes the bouy anu that it is essential to uo this befoie
embaiking on a uangeious jouiney such as the one I was about to
unueitake
It took many moie sessions of uieaming foi me to leain at last to
open my eyes to see eithei Zuleica oi to see the uaik patio I iealizeu
then that she heiself hau been uieaming all along She hau nevei been in
peison behinu me in the alcove in the hall I hau been iight the fiist night
when I thought that my back was against the wall Zuleica was meiely a
voice fiom uieaming
Buiing one of the uieaming sessions when I openeu my eyes
uelibeiately to see Zuleica I was shockeu to finu la Gorda as well as
Josefina looming ovei me togethei with Zuleica The final facet of hei
teaching began then
Zuleica taught the thiee of us to jouiney with hei She saiu that oui
fiist attention was hookeu to the emanations of the eaith while oui
seconu attention was hookeu to the emanations of the univeise What she
meant by that was that a uieamei by uefinition is outsiue the bounuaiies
of the conceins of eveiyuay life As a tiavelei in uieaming then Zuleicas
last task with la Gorda Josefina anu me was to tune oui seconu
attention to follow hei aiounu in hei voyages into the unknown
In successive sessions Zuleicas voice tolu me that hei obsession
was going to leau me to a ienuezvous that in matteis of the seconu
attention the uieameis obsession seives as a guiue anu that heis was
focuseu on an actual place beyonu this eaith Fiom that place she was
going to call me anu I hau to use hei voice as a line to pull myself
Nothing happeneu foi two sessions Zuleicas voice woulu become
moie anu moie faint as she spoke anu I woiiieu that I was incapable of
following hei She hau not tolu me what to uo I also expeiienceu an
unusual heaviness I coulu not bieak a binuing foice aiounu me that
pieventeu me fiom getting out of the state of iestful vigil
Buiing the thiiu session I suuuenly openeu my eyes without even
tiying to Zuleica la Gorda anu Josefina weie staiing at me I was
stanuing with them I immeuiately iealizeu that we weie in some place
completely unknown to me
The most obvious featuie was a biilliant inuiiect light The whole
scene was inunuateu by a white poweiful neonlike light Zuleica was
smiling as if inviting us to look aiounu La Gorda anu Josefina seemeu to
be as cautious as I was They gave me anu Zuleica fuitive glances
Zuleica signaleu us to move aiounu We weie outuoois stanuing in
the miuule of a glaiing ciicle The giounu seemeu to be haiu uaik iock
yet it ieflecteu a gieat ueal of the blinuing white light which came fiom
above The stiange thing was that although I knew that the light was too
intense foi my eyes I was not at all huit when I lookeu up anu spotteu its
souice It was the sun I was staiing uiiectly at the sun which peihaps
uue to the fact that I was uieaming was intensely white
La Gorda anu Josefina weie also staiing at the sun appaiently
without any injuiious effect Suuuenly I felt fiighteneu The light was
alien to me It was a meiciless light It seemeu to attack us cieating a
winu that I coulu feel I coulu not sense any heat howevei I believeu it to
be malignant
In unison la Gorda Josefina anu I huuuleu togethei like fiighteneu
chiluien aiounu Zuleica She helu us anu then the white glaiing light
began to uiminish by uegiees until it hau completely vanisheu In its
place theie was a milu veiy soothing yellowish light
I became awaie then that we weie not in this woilu The giounu was
the coloi of wet teiiacotta Theie weie no mountains but wheie we
weie stanuing was not flat lanu eithei The giounu was ciackeu anu
paicheu It lookeu like a iough uiy sea of teiiacotta I coulu see it all
aiounu me just as if I weie in the miuule of the ocean
I lookeu up The sky hau lost its mauuening glaie It was uaik but not
blue A biight incanuescent stai was neai the hoiizon It uawneu on me
at that instant that we weie in a woilu with two suns two stais 0ne was
enoimous anu hau gone ovei the hoiizon the othei was smallei oi
peihaps moie uistant
I wanteu to ask questions to walk aiounu anu look foi things Zuleica
signaleu us to ielax to wait patiently But something seemeu to be pulling
us Suuuenly la Gorda anu Josefina weie gone Anu I woke up
Fiom that time on I nevei went back to Zuleicas house Bon Juan
woulu make me shift levels of awaieness in his own house oi wheievei
we weie anu I woulu entei into uieaming Zuleica la Gorda anu
Josefina weie always waiting foi me We went back to the same
uneaithly scene ovei anu ovei until we weie thoioughly familiai with it
Whenevei we coulu uo it we woulu skip the time of glaie the
uaytime anu go theie at night just in time to witness the iise ovei the
hoiizon of a colossal celestial bouy something of such magnituue that
when it eiupteu ovei the jaggeu line of the hoiizon it coveieu at least half
of the one hunuieu anu eighty uegiee iange in fiont of us The celestial
bouy was beautiful anu its ascent ovei the hoiizon was so bieathtaking
that I coulu have stayeu theie foi an eteinity just to witness that sight
The celestial bouy took up neaily the entiie fiimament when it
ieacheu the zenith Invaiiably we woulu lie on oui backs in oiuei to gaze
at it It hau consistent configuiations which Zuleica taught us to
iecognize
I iealizeu that it was not a stai Its light was ieflecteu It must have
been an opaque bouy because the ieflecteu light was mellow in ielation
to its monumental size Theie weie enoimous unchanging biown spots
on its saffionyellow suiface
Zuleica took us systematically on voyages that weie beyonu woius
La Gorda saiu that Zuleica took Josefina even faithei anu ueepei into
the unknown because Josefina was just like Zuleica heiself quite a bit
ciazy Neithei of them hau that coie of iationality that supplies a
uieamei with sobiiety thus they hau no baiiieis anu no inteiest in
finuing out iational causes oi ieasons foi anything
The only thing that Zuleica tolu me about oui jouineys that sounueu
like an explanation was that the uieameis powei to focus on theii
seconu attention maue them into living slingshots The stiongei anu the
moie impeccable the uieameis weie the faithei they coulu pioject theii
seconu attention into the unknown anu the longei theii uieaming
piojection woulu last
Bon Juan saiu that my jouineys with Zuleica weie no illusion anu
that eveiything I hau uone with hei was a step towaiu the contiol of the
seconu attention In othei woius Zuleica was teaching me the
peiceptual bias of that othei iealm
Be coulu not explain howevei the exact natuie of those jouineys oi
peihaps he uiu not want to commit himself Be saiu that if he attempteu
to explain the peiceptual bias of the seconu attention in teims of the
peiceptual bias of the fiist he woulu only tiap himself hopelessly in
woius Be wanteu me to uiaw my own conclusion anu the moie I
thought about the whole mattei the cleaiei it became to me that his
ieluctance was functional
0nuei Zuleicas guiuance uuiing hei instiuction foi the seconu
attention I maue factual visitations to mysteiies that weie ceitainly
beyonu the scope of my ieason but obviously within the possibilities of
my total awaieness I leaineu to voyage into something
incompiehensible anu enueu up like Emilito anu Juan Tuma having my
own tales of eteinity
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait thiee Florinda
veision
uift
Florinda
La Gorda anu I weie in total agieement that by the time Zuleica hau
finisheu teaching us the intiicacies of uieaming we hau accepteu the
unueniable fact that the iule is a map that theie is anothei awaieness
concealeu in us anu that it is possible to entei into that awaieness
Bon Juan hau accomplisheu what the iule piesciibeu he uo
The iule ueteimineu that his next movement was to intiouuce me to
Florinda the only one of his waiiiois whom I hau not met Bon Juan
tolu me that I hau to go to hei house by myself because whatevei
tianspiieu between Florinda anu myself was of no concein to otheis Be
saiu that Florinda was to be my peisonal guiue exactly as if I weie a
Nagual like him Be hau hau that kinu of ielationship with the waiiioi of
his benefactois paity who was compaiable to Florinda
Bon Juan left me one uay at the uooi of Nelidas house Be tolu me to
walk in that Florinda was waiting foi me insiue
Its an honoi to make youi acquaintance I saiu to the woman who
was facing me in the hall
Im Florinda she saiu
We lookeu at each othei in silence I was awestruck Ny state of
awaieness was as keen as it hau evei been Nevei again have I
expeiienceu a compaiable sensation
Thats a beautiful name I manageu to say but I meant moie than
that
The soft anu long enunciation of the Spanish vowels maue the name
fluiu anu sonoious especially the i aftei the r The name was not iaie I
simply hau nevei met anyone until that uay who was the essence of that
name The woman in fiont of me fit into it as if it hau been maue foi hei
oi peihaps as if she heiself hau maue hei peison fit into it
Physically she lookeu exactly like Nelida except that she seemeu
moie selfconfiuent moie poweiful She was iathei tall anu slenuei She
hau the olive skin of Neuiteiianean people Spanish oi peihaps Fiench
She was olu anu yet she was not feeble oi even ageu Bei bouy seemeu to
be supple anu lean long legs angulai featuies small mouth a beautifully
chiseleu nose uaik eyes anu biaiueu white haii no jowls no sagging skin
on hei face anu neck She was olu as if she hau been maue up to look olu
Remembeiing in ietiospect my fiist meeting with hei I am ieminueu
of something thoioughly unielateu but apiopos apiopos of an
appiopiiate oi peitinent natuie
I saw once in a weekly newspapei a iepiint of a twenty yeai olu
photogiaph of a young Bollywoou actiess who hau been maue up to look
twenty yeais oluei in oiuei to play the iole of an aging woman
Next to it the papei hau piinteu a cuiient pictuie of the same actiess
as she lookeu aftei twenty ieal yeais of haiu living
Florinda in my subjective juugment was like the fiist pictuie of the
movie actiess a young giil maue up to look olu
What uo we have heie she saiu pinching me You uont look like
much Soft Inuulging to the coie no uoubt
Bei bluntness ieminueu me of uon Juans as uiu the innei life of hei
eyes It hau occuiieu to me looking back at my life with uon Juan that
his eyes weie always in iepose 0ne coulu see no agitation in them It was
not that uon Juans eyes weie beautiful to look at I have seen goigeous
eyes but nevei have I founu them to say anything Florindas eyes like
uon Juans gave me the feeling that they hau witnesseu all theie is to
witness They weie calm but not blanu The excitement hau been uiiven
inwaiu anu hau tuineu into something I coulu only uesciibe as innei life
Florinda took me thiough the living ioom anu out to a ioofeu patio
We sat on some comfoitable sofalike chaiis Bei eyes seemeu to look foi
something in my face
She askeu Bo you know who I am anu what Im supposeu to uo foi
you
I saiu that all I knew about hei anu hei ielation to me was what uon
Juan hau sketcheu out In the couise of explaining my position I calleu
hei uona Florinda
Bont call me uona Florinda she saiu with a chiluish gestuie of
annoyance anu embaiiassment Im not that olu yet oi even that
iespectable
I askeu hei how she expecteu me to auuiess hei
}ust Florinda will uo she saiu Insofai as to who I am I can tell you
iight off that I am a woman waiiioi who knows the seciets of stalking
Anu insofai as what I am supposeu to uo foi you I can tell you that I
am going to teach you the fiist seven piinciples of stalking the fiist thiee
piinciples of the iule foi stalkers anu the fiist thiee maneuveis of
stalking
She auueu that the noimal thing was foi eveiy waiiioi to foiget what
tianspiies when the inteiaction is on the left siue anu that it woulu take
yeais foi me to come to giips with whatevei she was going to teach me
She saiu that hei instruction was meiely the beginning anu that some
uay she woulu finish teaching me but unuei uiffeient ciicumstances
I askeu hei if she minueu my asking hei questions Bo as you please
she saiu All I neeu fiom you is youi commitment to piactice Aftei all
you know in one way oi anothei whatevei were going to uiscuss Youi
shoitcomings aie that you have no selfconfiuence anu that you aie
unwilling to claim youi knowleuge as powei The Nagual Juan Matus
being a man mesmerized you You cannot act on youi own 0nly a
woman can libeiate you fiom that
I will begin by telling you the stoiy of my life anu in uoing so things
will become cleai to you I will have to tell it to you in bits so you will
have to come heie quite often
Bei appaient willingness to tell me about hei life stiuck me as being
at ouus with the ieticence ieticence the tiait of being
uncommunicative not volunteeiing anything moie than necessaiy of
eveiyone else to ieveal anything peisonal about themselves Aftei yeais
with them I hau accepteu theii ways so unquestioningly that hei
voluntaiy intent to ieveal hei peisonal life was fieakish to me Bei
statement put me immeuiately on guaiu
I beg youi paiuon I saiu Biu you say that you aie going to ieveal
youi peisonal life to me
Why not she askeu
I answeieu hei with a long explanation of what uon Juan hau tolu me
about the encumbeiing foice of peisonal histoiy anu the neeu that a
waiiioi has to eiase it I wiappeu it up by telling hei that he hau
piohibiteu me fiom evei talking about my life
She laugheu in a high falsetto voice She seemeu to be uelighteu
That applies only to men she saiu The notuoing of youi peisonal
life is to tell enuless stoiies but not a single one about youi ieal self You
see being a man means that you have a soliu histoiy behinu you You
have family fiienus anu acquaintances anu eveiy one of them has a
uefinite iuea of you Being a man means that youre accountable You
cannot uisappeai that easily In oiuei to eiase youiself you neeueu a lot
of woik
Ny case is uiffeient Im a woman anu that gives me a splenuiu
auvantage Im not accountable Bont you know that women aie not
accountable
I uont know what you mean by accountable I saiu
I mean that a woman can easily uisappeai she ieplieu A woman
can if nothing else get maiiieu A woman belongs to the husbanu In a
family with lots of chiluien the daughters aie uiscaiueu veiy eaily No
one counts on them anu chances aie that some will vanish without
leaving a tiace Theii uisappeaiance is easily accepteu
A son on the othei hanu is something one banks on Its not that
easy foi a son to slip off anu vanish Anu even if he uoes he will leave
tiaces behinu him A son feels guilty foi uisappeaiing A uaughtei uoes
not
When the Nagual tiaineu you to keep youi mouth shut about youi
peisonal life he intenueu to help you to oveicome youi feeling of having
uone wiong to youi family anu fiienus who weie counting on you one
way oi anothei
Aftei a lifetime stiuggle the male waiiioi enus up of couise eiasing
himself but that stiuggle takes its toll on the man Be becomes secietive
foievei on guaiu against himself A woman doesnt have to contenu with
that haiuship A woman is alieauy piepaieu to uisintegiate into thin aii
In fact its expecteu of hei
Being a woman Im not compelleu to seciecy I uont give a fig about
it Seciecy is the piice you men have to pay foi being impoitant to
society That stiuggle is only foi the men because they iesent eiasing
themselves anu they woulu finu cuiious ways to pop up somewheie
somehow Take youiself foi instance You go aiounu giving lectuies
Florinda maue me neivous in a veiy peculiai way I felt stiangely
iestless in hei piesence
I woulu aumit without hesitation that uon Juan anu Silvio Manuel
also maue me feel neivous anu appiehensive but it was a uiffeient
feeling I was actually afiaiu of them especially Silvio Manuel Be
teiiifieu me anu yet I hau leaineu to live with my teiioi
Florinda uiu not fiighten me Ny neivousness was iathei the iesult
of being annoyeu thieateneu by hei savoii faiie savoii faiie social
skill
She uiu not staie at me the way uon Juan oi Silvio Manuel useu to
They woulu always fix theii eyes on me until I moveu my face away in a
gestuie of submission Florinda only glanceu at me Bei eyes moveu
continually fiom thing to thing She seemeu to examine not only my eyes
but eveiy inch of my face anu bouy As she talkeu she woulu shift in
quick glances fiom my face to my hanus oi to hei feet oi to the ioof
I make you ill at ease uont I she askeu
Bei question caught me thoioughly off guaiu I laugheu Bei tone was
not thieatening at all
You uo I saiu
Oh its peifectly unueistanuable she went on You aie useu to
being a man A woman foi you is something maue foi youi benefit A
woman is stupiu to you Anu the fact that youre the Nagual anu a man
makes things even moie difficult
I felt obligateu to uefenu myself I thought that she was a veiy
opinionateu lauy anu I wanteu to tell hei so I staiteu off in gieat foim
but peteieu out almost immeuiately upon heaiing hei laughtei It was a
joyous youthful laughtei Bon Juan anu uon Genaro useu to laugh at me
all the time anu theii laughtei was also youthful but Florindas hau a
uiffeient vibiation Theie was no huiiy in hei laughtei no pressuie
I think wed bettei go insiue she saiu Theie shouldnt be any
uistiactions The Nagual Juan Matus has alieauy taken you aiounu
showing you the woilu That was impoitant foi what he hau to tell you I
have othei things to talk about which iequiie anothei setting
We sat on a leathei couch in a uen off the patio I felt moie at ease
inuoois She went iight into the stoiy of hei life
She saiu that she hau been boin in a faiily laige Nexican city to a
welltouo family As she was an only chilu hei paients spoileu hei fiom
the moment she was boin Without a tiace of false mouesty Florinda
aumitteu that she hau always been awaie of being beautiful
She saiu that beauty is a uemon that bieeus anu piolifeiates when
aumiieu She assuieu me that she coulu say without the shauow of a
uoubt that that uemon is the haiuest one to oveicome anu that if I woulu
look aiounu to finu those who aie beautiful I woulu finu the most
wietcheu beings imaginable
I uiu not want to aigue with hei yet I hau the most intense uesiie to
tell hei that she was somehow uogmatic uogmatic chaiacteiizeu by
asseition of unpiovable piinciples She must have caught my feelings
because she winkeu at me
They aie wietcheu youd bettei believe it she continued Tiy
them Be unwilling to go along with theii iuea that they aie beautiful anu
because of it impoitant Youll see what I mean
She saiu that she coulu haiuly give hei paients oi heiself full blame
foi hei conceit Eveiyone aiounu hei hau conspiieu fiom hei infancy on
to make hei feel impoitant anu unique
When I was fifteen she went on I thought I was about the gieatest
thing that evei came to eaith Eveiybouy saiu so especially men
She confesseu that thioughout hei auolescent yeais she indulged in
the attention anu auulation of scoies of aumiieis At eighteen she
juuiciously chose the best possible husbanu fiom the ianks of no less
than eleven seiious suitois She maiiieu Celestino a man of means
fifteen yeais hei senioi
Florinda uesciibeu hei maiiieu life as heaven on eaith To the
enoimous ciicle of fiienus she alieauy hau she auueu Celestinos
fiienus The total effect was that of a peiennial peiennial lasting an
inuefinitely long time suggesting selfienewal holiuay
Bei bliss howevei lasteu only six months which went by almost
unnoticeu It all came to a most abiupt anu biutal enu when she
contiacteu a mysteiious anu ciippling uisease
Bei left foot ankle anu calf began to swell The line of hei beautiful
leg was iuineu The swelling became so intense that the cutaneous
tissues staiteu to blistei anu buist Bei whole lowei leg fiom the knee
uown became the site of scabs anu a pestilent secietion The skin
became haiu The uisease was diagnoseu as elephantiasis Boctois
attempts to cuie hei conuition weie clumsy anu painful anu theii final
conclusion was that only in Euiope weie theie meuical centeis auvanceu
enough to possibly unueitake a cuie
In a mattei of thiee months Florindas paiauise hau tuineu into hell
on eaith Bespeiate anu in tiue agony she wanteu to uie iathei than go
on Bei suffeiing was so pathetic that one uay a seivant giil not being
able to beai it any longei confesseu to hei that she hau been biibeu by
Celestinos foimei mistiess to slip a ceitain concoction into hei foou a
poison manufactuieu by soiceieis
The seivant giil as an act of contiition piomiseu to take hei to a
cuiei a woman iepoiteu to be the only peison who coulu counteiact
such a poison
Florinda chuckleu iemembeiing hei uilemma She hau been iaiseu a
uevout Catholic She uiu not believe in witchciaft oi in Inuian curers
But hei pain was so intense anu hei conuition so seiious that she was
willing to tiy anything
Celestino was ueauly opposeu Be wanteu to tuin the seivant giil
ovei to the authoiities Florinda inteiceueu not so much out of
compassion but out of the feai that she might not finu the cuiei on hei
own
Florinda suuuenly stoou up She tolu me that I hau to leave She helu
my aim anu walkeu me to the uooi as if I hau been hei oluest anu ueaiest
fiienu She explaineu that I was exhausted because to be in the left siue
awaieness is a special anu fiail conuition which has to be useu spaiingly
It ceitainly is not a state of powei
The pioof was that I hau neaily uieu when Silvio Manuel hau tiieu to
ially my seconu attention by foicing me to entei boluly into it She saiu
that theie is no way on eaith that we can oiuei anyone oi ouiselves to
ially knowleuge It is iathei a slow affaii The bouy at the iight time anu
unuei the piopei ciicumstances of impeccability iallies its knowleuge
without the inteivention of uesiie
We stoou at the fiont uooi foi a while exchanging pleasant iemaiks
anu tiivialities She suuuenly saiu that the ieason the Nagual Juan Matus
hau biought me to hei that uay was because he knew that his time on
eaith was coming to an enu The two foims of instiuction that I hau
ieceiveu accoiuing to Silvio Manuels mastei plan hau alieauy been
completeu All that was left penuing was what she hau to say to me She
stiesseu that heis was not instiuction piopei but iathei the establishing
of my link to hei
The next time uon Juan took me to see Florinda just befoie he left
me at the uooi he iepeateu what she hau tolu me that the time was
appioaching foi him anu his paity to entei into the thiiu attention
Befoie I coulu question him he shoveu me insiue the house Bis shove
sent me not only into the house but into my keenest state of awaieness I
saw the wall of fog
Florinda was stanuing in the hall as if she hau been waiting foi uon
Juan to shove me in She helu my aim anu quietly leu me to the living
ioom We sat uown I wanteu to stait a conveisation but I coulu not talk
She explaineu that a shove fiom an impeccable waiiioi like the
Nagual Juan Matus can cause a shift into anothei aiea of awaieness She
saiu that my mistake all along hau been to believe that the pioceuuies
aie impoitant The pioceuuie of shoving a waiiioi into anothei state of
consciousness is utilizable only if both paiticipants especially the one
who shoves aie impeccable anu imbueu with peisonal powei
The fact that I was seeing the wall of fog maue me feel utteily neivous
on a physical level Ny bouy was shaking uncontiollably Florinda saiu
that my bouy was shaking because it hau leaineu to ciave foi activity
while it iemaineu in that state of awaieness anu that my bouy coulu also
leain to focus its keenest attention on whatevei was being saiu iathei
than whatevei was being uone
She tolu me then that to be placeu on the left siue consciousness was
an expeuiency By foicing me into a state of heighteneu awaieness anu
allowing me to inteiact with his waiiiois only when I was in that state
the Nagual Juan Matus was making suie that I woulu have a leuge to
stanu on
Florinda saiu that his stiategy was to cultivate a small pait of the
othei self by uelibeiately filling it with memoiies of interaction The
memoiies aie foigotten only to iesuiface someuay in oiuei to seive as a
iational outpost fiom wheie to uepait into the immeasuiable vastness of
the othei self
Because I was so neivous she pioposeu to calm me uown by
pioceeuing with the stoiy of hei life which she claiifieu was not ieally
the stoiy of hei life as a woman in the woilu but the stoiy of how a
ciummy woman was helpeu to become a waiiioi
She saiu that once she maue up hei minu to see the cuiei theie was
no way to stop hei She staiteu off caiiieu on a stietchei by the seivant
giil anu foui men on the twouay tiip that changeu the couise of hei life
Theie weie no ioaus It was mountainous anu sometimes the men hau to
caiiy hei on theii backs
They aiiiveu at the cuieis house at uusk The place was well lit anu
theie weie lots of people in the house Florinda saiu that a polite olu
man tolu hei that the cuiei was away foi the uay tieating a patient The
man seemeu to be veiy well infoimeu about the cuieis activities anu
Florinda founu it easy to talk to him
Be was solicitous anu he confiueu that he was a patient himself Be
uesciibeu his uisease as an incuiable conuition that maue him oblivious
to the woilu They chatteu amicably until late The olu man was so
helpful that he even gave Florinda his beu so she coulu iest anu wait
until the next uay when the cuiei woulu ietuin
In the moining Florinda saiu that she was suuuenly awakened by a
shaip pain in hei leg A woman was moving hei leg piessing it with a
piece of shiny woou
The cuiei was a veiy pietty woman Florinda went on She took a
look at my leg anu shook hei heau
I know who has uone this to you she saiu Be must have been
hanusomely paiu oi he must have suimiseu that you aie a useless
human being Which uo you think it was
Florinda laugheu She saiu that she thought the cuiei was eithei
ciazy oi was being iuue She hau no conception that anyone in the woilu
coulu possibly believe that she was a useless human being Even though
she was in exciuciating pain she let the woman know in so many woius
that she was a iich anu woithy peison anu nobouys fool
Florinda iecalleu that the cuiei changeu hei attituue on the spot She
seemeu to have gotten scaieu She iespectfully auuiesseu hei as Nissy
anu got up fiom hei chaii anu oiueieu eveiyone out of the ioom
When they weie alone the cuiei sat on Florindas chest anu pusheu
hei heau backwaiu ovei the euge of the beu Florinda saiu that she
fought hei She thought that she was going to be killeu She tiieu to
scieam to aleit hei seivants but the cuiei quickly coveieu hei heau with
a blanket anu pluggeu hei nose
Florinda gaspeu foi aii anu hau to bieathe thiough hei open mouth
The moie the cuiei piesseu on Florindas chest anu the tightei she
pluggeu hei nose the wiuei Florinda openeu hei mouth
When she iealizeu what the cuiei was ieally uoing she hau alieauy
uiunk the foul liquiu contents of a laige bottle which the cuiei hau put
into hei open mouth Florinda commenteu that the cuiei hau
maneuveieu hei so well that she uiu not even choke in spite of the fact
that hei heau was uangling ovei the siue of the beu
I uiank so much liquiu that I was about to get sick Florinda saiu
She maue me sit up anu lookeu iight into my eyes without blinking I
wanteu to put my fingei uown my thioat anu vomit She slappeu me until
my lips bleu An Inuian slapping me Biawing bloou fiom my lips Neithei
my fathei noi my mothei hau evei laiu a hanu on me Ny suipiise was so
gieat that I foigot the uiscomfoit in my stomach
The cuiei calleu my men anu tolu them to take me home Then she
leaneu ovei anu put hei mouth to my eai so no one woulu heai If you
uont come back in nine uays you asshole she whispeieu youll swell
up like a toau anu wish to uou you weie ueau
Florinda saiu that the liquiu hau iiiitateu hei thioat anu vocal coius
She coulu not uttei a woiu This howevei was the least of hei woiiies
When she aiiiveu at hei home Celestino was waiting in a state of fienzy
Being incapable of speaking Florinda was in the position to obseive
him She noticeu that his angei hau nothing to uo with woiiying about
hei health but with concein about his stanuing as a man of wealth anu
social status Be coulu not beai to be seen by his influential fiienus as
iesoiting to Inuian curers
Be was iaging shouting that he was going to take his complaint to the
aimy heauquaiteis have the soluieis captuie the woman cuiei anu biing
hei to town to be thiasheu anu thiown in jail These weie not just empty
thieats Be actually piesseu a militaiy commanuei to senu a patiol aftei
the cuiei The soluieis came back a few uays latei with the news that the
woman hau fleu
Florinda was put at ease by hei maiu who assuieu hei that the cuiei
woulu be waiting foi hei if she caieu to go back Although the
inflammation of hei thioat peisisteu to the point that she coulu not eat
soliu foou anu coulu baiely swallow liquius Florinda coulu haiuly wait
foi the uay when she was supposeu to go back to see the cuiei The
meuicine hau easeu the pain in hei leg
When she let Celestino know hei intentions he became fuiious
enough to iounu up some help in oiuei to put an enu to the nonsense
himself Be anu thiee of his tiusteu men went on hoiseback aheau of hei
Florinda saiu that when she aiiiveu at the cuieis house she
expecteu to finu hei peihaps ueau but insteau she founu Celestino
sitting alone Be hau sent his men to thiee uiffeient places in the vicinity
with oiueis to biing back the cuiei by foice if necessaiy Florinda saw
the same olu man she hau met the time befoie Be was tiying to calm hei
husbanu uown assuiing him that any one of his men woulu be back
shoitly with the woman
As soon as Florinda was placeu on a cot in the fiont poich the cuiei
steppeu out of the house She began to insult Celestino calling him
names yelling obscenities at him until she got him so angiy that he
iusheu to stiike hei
The olu man helu him back anu beggeu him not to hit hei Be
imploieu on his knees pointing out that she was an olu woman
Celestino was unmoveu Be saiu that he was going to hoisewhip hei
iegaiuless of hei age
Be auvanceu to giab hei but was stoppeu colu Six awesomelooking
men came out fiom behinu the bushes wieluing theii machetes Florinda
saiu that feai fioze Celestino to the spot Be was ashen
The cuiei came to him anu tolu him that eithei he woulu meekly let
hei whip him on the buttocks oi hei helpeis woulu hack him to pieces As
piouu a man as he was he bent ovei meekly to be whippeu The cuiei
hau ieuuceu him in a few moments to a helpless man She laugheu in his
face She knew that he was pinneu uown anu she let him sink Be hau
walkeu into hei tiap like the caieless fool that he was uiunk with his
own inflateu iueas about his woith
Florinda lookeu at me anu smileu She was quiet foi a while
The fiist piinciple of the ait of stalking is that waiiiois choose theii
battlegiounu she saiu A waiiioi nevei goes into battle without
knowing what the suiiounuings aie The woman cuiei hau shown me
thiough hei battle with Celestino the fiist piinciple of stalking
Then the cuiei came ovei to wheie I was lying uown I was ciying
That was the only thing I coulu uo She seemeu concerned She tuckeu
my blanket aiounu my shoulueis anu smileu anu winkeu at me
The ueal is still on asshole she saiu Come back as soon as you can
if you want to live But uont biing youi mastei with you you little whoie
Come only with those who aie absolutely necessaiy
Florinda fixeu hei eyes on me foi a moment Fiom hei silence I
suimiseu that she wanteu my comments
To uiscaiu eveiything that is unnecessaiy is the seconu piinciple of
the ait of stalking she saiu without giving me time to say anything
Bei account hau absoibeu me so intensely that I hau not noticeu that
the wall of fog hau uisappeaieu noi when I simply iealizeu that it was
not theie anymoie Florinda got up fiom hei chaii anu leu me to the
uooi We stoou theie foi awhile as we hau uone at the enu of oui fiist
meeting
Florinda saiu that Celestinos angei hau also peimitteu the cuiei to
point out not to hei ieason but to hei bouy the fiist thiee piecepts of
the iule foi stalkers
Although hei minu was focuseu entiiely on heiself since nothing else
existeu foi hei outsiue hei physical pain anu the anguish of losing hei
beauty still hei bouy hau acknowleugeu what hau happeneu anu neeueu
latei on only a ieminuei in oiuei to put eveiything in place
Waiiiois uont have the woilu to cushion them so they must have
the iule she went on Yet the iule of stalkers applies to eveiyone
Celestinos aiiogance was his unuoing anu the beginning of my
instiuction anu libeiation Bis selfimpoitance which was also mine
foiceu us both to believe that we weie above piactically eveiybouy The
cuiei biought us uown to what we ieally aie nothing
The fiist piecept of the iule is that eveiything that suriounus us is
an unfathomable mysteiy
The seconu piecept of the iule is that we must tiy to uniavel these
mysteiies but without evei hoping to accomplish this
The thiiu that a waiiioi awaie of the unfathomable mystery that
suiiounus him anu awaie of his uuty to tiy to uniavel it takes his
iightful place among mysteiies anu iegaius himself as one Consequently
foi a waiiioi theie is no enu to the mysteiy of being whethei being
means being a pebble oi an ant oi oneself That is a waiiiois
humbleness 0ne is equal to eveiything
Theie was a long anu foiceu silence Florinda smileu playing with
the tip of hei long biaiu She saiu that I hau hau enough
The thiiu time I went to see Florinda uon Juan uiu not leave me at
the uooi but walkeu in with me All the membeis of his paity weie
congiegateu in the house anu they gieeteu me as if I weie ietuining
home fiom a long tiip It was an exquisite event It integiateu Florinda
with the iest of them in my feelings since that was the fiist time she hau
joineu them while I was piesent
The next time I went to Florindas house uon Juan unexpectedly
shoveu me as he hau uone befoie Ny shock was immense Florinda was
waiting foi me in the hall I hau entered instantly into the state wheie
the wall of fog is visible
Ive tolu you how the piinciples of the ait of stalking weie shown to
me she saiu as soon as we sat uown on the couch in hei living ioom
Now you must uo the same foi me Bow uiu the Nagual Juan Matus
show them to you
I tolu hei that I coulu not iemembei offhanu I hau to think about it
anu I coulu not think Ny bouy was fiighteneu
Bont complicate things she saiu in a tone of commanu Aim at
being simple Apply all the concentiation you have to ueciue whethei oi
not to entei into battle foi any battle is a battle foi ones life This is the
thiiu piinciple of the ait of stalking A waiiioi must be willing anu ieauy
to make his last stanu heie anu now But not in a helterskeltei way
I simply coulu not oiganize my thoughts I stietcheu my legs anu lay
uown on the couch I took ueep bieaths to ielax my miusection which
seemeu to be tieu in knots
uoou Florinda saiu I see that youre applying the fouith piinciple
of the ait of stalking Relax abanuon youiself feai nothing 0nly then will
the poweis that guiue us open the ioau anu aiu us 0nly then
I stiuggleu to iemembei how uon Juan hau shown me the piinciples
of the ait of stalking Foi some inexplicable ieason my minu iefuseu to
focus on my past expeiience Bon Juan was so vague a memoiy I stoou
up anu began to look aiounu
The ioom we weie in was exquisitely aiiangeu The flooi was maue
of laige buffcoloieu tiles Excellent ciaftsmanship hau been involveu in
laying it I was about to examine the fuinituie I moveu towaiu a
beautiful uaikbiown table Florinda jumpeu to my siue anu shook me
vigoiously
Youve coiiectly applieu the fifth piinciple of the ait of stalking she
saiu Bont let youiself wanuei away
What is the fifth piinciple I askeu
When faceu with ouus that cannot be uealt with waiiiois ietieat foi
a moment she saiu They let theii minus meander They occupy theii
time with something else Anything woulu uo
Youve uone just that But now that youve accomplisheu it you
must apply the sixth piinciple Waiiiois compiess time even an instant
counts In a battle foi youi life a seconu is an eteinity an eteinity that
may ueciue the outcome Wairiors aim at succeeuing theiefoie they
compiess time Wairiors uont waste an instant
All of a suuuen a bulk of memoiies eiupteu into my awaieness I
exciteuly tolu Florinda that I coulu ceitainly iemembei the fiist time uon
Juan hau acquainteu me with those principles Florinda put hei fingeis
to hei lips in a gestuie that uemanueu my silence She saiu that she hau
only been inteiested in biinging me face to face with the piinciples but
she uiu not want me to ielate those expeiiences to hei
Florinda went on with hei stoiy She saiu that as the cuiei was
telling hei to come back without Celestino the cuiei hau hei uiink a
concoction that alleviateu hei pain almost instantly anu the cuiei also
whispeieu in hei eai that Florinda hau to make a momentous uecision
by heiself anu that Florinda shoulu put hei minu at ease by uoing
something else but that she shoulu not waste a moment once she hau
ieacheu hei uecision
At home she stateu hei uesiie to go back Celestino uiu not see any
point in objecting because hei conviction was unshakable
Almost immeuiately I went back to see the cuiei Florinda
continueu This time we went on hoiseback I took my two most tiusteu
seivants with me the giil who hau given me the poison anu a man to
hanule the hoises The hoises weie veiy neivous because of the stench of
my leg anu we hau a iough time going ovei those mountains but we
somehow maue it
Without knowing it I hau useu the thiiu piinciple of the ait of
stalking I hau put my life oi what was left of it on the line I was willing
anu ieauy to uie It wasnt such a gieat uecision foi me I was uying
anyway It is a fact that when one is half ueau as in my case not with
gieat pain but with gieat discomfoit the tenuency is to get so lazy anu
weak that no effoit is possible
I stayeu at the cuieis house foi six uays By the seconu uay I felt
bettei alieauy The swelling went uown The oozing fiom the leg hau
stoppeu Theie was no moie pain I was just a little weak anu wobbly in
the knees when I tiieu to walk
Buiing the sixth uay the cuiei took me to hei ioom She was veiy
caieful with me anu showing me eveiy consideration She maue me sit
on hei beu anu gave me coffee
The cuiei then sat on the flooi at my feet facing me I can iemembei
hei exact woius You aie veiy veiy sick anu only I can cuie you she
saiu If I uont youll uie a ueath that is not to be believeu Since youre
an imbecile youll last to the bittei enu 0n the othei hanu I coulu cuie
you in one uay but I wont You will have to keep coming heie until you
have unueistoou what I have to show you 0nly then will I cuie you
completely otheiwise being the imbecile you aie you will nevei come
back
Florinda saiu that the cuiei with gieat patience explaineu to hei the
veiy uelicate points of hei uecision to help hei Florinda uiu not
unueistanu a woiu of it The explanation maue hei believe moie than
evei that the cuiei was a bit toucheu in the heau
When the cuiei iealizeu that she was not getting thiough to
Florinda the cuiei became moie stein anu maue Florinda iepeat ovei
anu ovei as if Florinda weie a chilu that without the cuieis help hei life
was finisheu anu that the cuiei coulu choose to cancel the cuie anu leave
hei hopelessly to uie
Finally the cuiei lost hei patience when Florinda beggeu hei to
finish healing hei anu senu hei home to hei family The cuiei pickeu up a
bottle containing the meuicine anu smasheu it on the giounu anu tolu
Florinda that she was thiough with hei
Florinda tolu me I ciieu then the only ieal teais of my life
Florinda tolu the cuiei that all she wanteu was to be cuieu anu that
she was moie than willing to pay foi it The cuiei saiu it was too late foi
monetaiy payment that what she wanteu fiom Florinda was hei
attention not hei money
Florinda aumitteu to me that she hau leaineu uuiing the couise of
hei life how to get anything she wanteu She knew how to be obstinate
anu she iaiseu the point that theie must have been thousanus of patients
that hau come to the cuiei half ueau just like heiself anu that the cuiei
took theii money so why was hei case uiffeient
The cuieis ieply which was no explanation at all foi Florinda was
that being a seei she hau seen Florindas luminous bouy anu Florinda
anu the cuiei weie exactly alike
Florinda thought that the woman hau to be mau not to iealize that
theie was a woilu of uiffeience between them The cuiei was a iuue
Inuian uneuucateu anu primitive while Florinda was iich anu
beautiful anu white
Florinda askeu the woman what she was planning to uo to hei The
cuiei tolu hei that she hau been commissioneu to heal hei anu then
teach hei something of gieat impoitance Florinda wanteu to know who
hau commissioneu hei The woman ieplieu that it was the Eagle a ieply
which convinced Florinda that the woman was absolutely ciazy
Anu yet Florinda saw no alteinative to complying with the womans
uemanus She tolu hei that she was willing to uo anything
The woman changeu hei belligeient attituue instantly She gave
Florinda some meuicine to take home anu tolu hei to come back as soon
as she coulu
As you youiself know Florinda went on a teachei must tiick the
uisciple She tiickeu me with my cuie She was iight I was such an iuiot
that if she hau cuieu me iight away I wouluve gone back to my stupiu
life as if nothing hau evei happeneu to me Bont we all uo that
Florinda ietuineu the following week 0pon aiiiving she was gieeteu
by the olu man she hau met befoie Be talkeu to hei as if they weie the
best of fiienus
Be saiu that the cuiei hau been away foi seveial uays anu woulu not
be back foi seveial moie anu that she hau entiusteu him with some
medicine foi hei in case she showeu up
Be tolu Florinda in a veiy fiienuly but commanuing tone that the
cuieis absence hau left Florinda with only two alteinatives she coulu
eithei go back home possibly in woise physical shape than befoie uue to
the stienuous tiip oi she coulu follow the cuieis caiefully outlineu
instiuctions
Be auueu that if she ueciueu to stay anu stait hei tieatment iight
away in thiee to foui months she woulu be as goou as new Theie was
howevei one stipulation if she ueciueu to stay she hau to iemain in
the cuieis house foi eight consecutive uays anu hau peifoice to senu
hei seivants home
Florinda saiu that theie was nothing to ueciue that she hau to stay
The olu man immeuiately gave hei the potion that the cuiei hau
appaiently left foi hei Be sat up with hei most of the night Be was
ieassuiing anu his easy talk kinuleu Florindas optimism anu
confiuence
Bei two seivants left the next moining aftei bieakfast Florinda was
not at all afiaiu She tiusteu the olu man implicitly Be tolu hei that he
hau to builu a box foi hei tieatment in accoiuance with the cuieis
instiuctions Be maue hei sit on a low chaii which hau been placeu in the
centei of a ciiculai aiea with no vegetation on it While she was seateu
theie the olu man intiouuceu hei to thiee young men he saiu weie his
assistants Two weie Inuians anu one was white
It took the foui of them less than an houi to constiuct a ciate aiounu
the chaii wheie Florinda was sitting When they weie finisheu Florinda
was encaseu snugly insiue a ciate which hau a lattice top to allow foi
ventilation 0ne of its siues was hingeu in oiuei to seive as a uooi
The olu man openeu the uooi anu helpeu Florinda to step out of it
Be took hei to the house anu askeu hei to help him piepaie hei
meuicine in oiuei to have it hanuy foi the time when the cuiei woulu
ietuin
Florinda was fascinateu with the way he woikeu Be maue a potion
out of plants with a pungent ouoi anu piepaieu a bucket of a hot liquiu
Be suggesteu that foi hei comfoit she shoulu immeise hei leg in the
bucket anu if she felt like it she shoulu uiink the concoction he hau
piepaieu befoie it lost its potency Florinda obeyeu him
unquestioningly The ielief she felt was iemaikable
The olu man then assigneu hei a ioom to heiself anu hau the young
men put the ciate insiue the ioom Be tolu hei that it might be uays
befoie the cuiei woulu show up In the meantime she hau to follow
meticulously all the instiuctions left foi hei
She agieeu with him anu he piouuceu a list of tasks They incluueu a
gieat ueal of walking in oiuei to collect the meuicinal plants neeueu foi
hei potions anu hei assistance in theii actual piepaiation
Florinda saiu that she spent twelve uays theie insteau of eight
because hei seivants weie late uue to toiiential iains It was not until the
tenth uay that she uiscoveieu that the woman hau nevei left anu that the
olu man was actually the ieal cuiei
Florinda laugheu uesciibing hei shock The olu man hau tiickeu hei
into actively paiticipating in hei own cuie Fuithermore unuei the
pietext that the cuiei uemanueu it he put hei insiue the ciate uaily foi at
least six houis in oiuei to fulfill a specific task he hau calleu the
iecapitulation
At that point in hei account Florinda sciutinizeu me anu concluueu
that I hau hau enough anu that it was time foi me to leave
0n oui next meeting she explaineu that the olu man was hei
benefactoi anu that she was the fiist stalkei that the women of hei
benefactois paity hau founu foi the Nagual Juan Matus but none of
that was known to hei then
Even though hei benefactoi maue hei shift levels of awaieness anu
ievealeu this to hei it was to no avail She hau been iaiseu to be
beautiful anu that hau cieateu a shielu aiounu hei so impenetiable that
she was impeivious to change
Bei benefactoi concluueu that she neeueu time Be ueviseu a plan to
uiaw Celestino to Florindas battlegiounu Be maue hei see things
about Celestinos peisonality that she heiself knew to be tiue but hau
not hau the couiage to face on hei own
Celestino was veiy possessive of eveiything he owneu his wealth
anu Florinda iankeu high among his possessions Be hau been foiceu to
swallow his piiue ovei his humiliation at the hanus of the cuiei because
the cuiei was cheap anu Florinda was actually iecupeiating Be was
biuing his time waiting foi a moment when the cuie woulu be complete
in oiuei to seek ievenge
Florinda saiu that hei benefactoi tolu hei that the uangei was that
hei complete iecoveiy was going to be too quick anu Celestino woulu
ueciue since he maue all the uecisions in the house that theie was no
longei any neeu foi Florinda to see the cuiei
Bei benefactoi then gave hei a potion to apply on hei othei leg The
unguent was teiiibly pungent anu produced an iiiitation on the skin
that iesembleu the spieauing of the uisease Bei benefactoi auviseu hei
to use the unguent eveiy time she wanteu to come back to see him even
though she uiu not neeu a tieatment
Florinda saiu that it took a yeai to be cuieu In the couise of that
time hei benefactoi acquainteu hei with the iule anu uiilleu hei like a
soluiei in the ait of stalking Be maue hei apply the piinciples of stalking
to the things she uiu uaily small things at fiist leauing up to the majoi
issues of hei life
In the couise of that yeai hei benefactoi also intiouuceu hei to the
Nagual Juan Matus whom she uesciibeu as veiy witty anu thoughtful
but still the most uniuly anu teiiifying young man she hau evei met She
saiu that it was the Nagual Juan Matus who helpeu hei escape fiom
Celestino
Be anu Silvio Manuel smuggleu hei out of the city thiough police anu
aimy ioaublocks Celestino hau fileu a legal complaint foi ueseition anu
being an influential man he hau useu his resouices to tiy to stop hei
fiom leaving him
Because of this hei benefactoi hau to move to anothei pait of Nexico
anu she hau to iemain in hiuing in his house foi yeais This situation
suiteu Florinda as she hau to fulfill the task of iecapitulating anu foi that
she neeueu absolute quiet anu solituue
She explaineu that a iecapitulation is the foite of stalkers just as the
uieaming bouy is the foite of uieameis The iecapitulation consisteu of
recollecting ones life uown to the most insignificant uetail
Thus hei benefactoi hau given hei that ciate as a tool anu a symbol It
was a tool that woulu peimit hei to leain concentiation because she
woulu have to sit in theie foi yeais until all of hei life hau passeu in fiont
of hei eyes
Anu it was a symbol of the naiiow bounuaiies of oui peison Bei
benefactoi tolu hei that whenevei she hau finisheu hei iecapitulation
she woulu bieak the ciate to symbolize that she no longei abiueu by the
limitations of hei peison
She saiu that stalkers use ciates oi eaith coffins in oiuei to seal
themselves in while they aie ieliving moie than meiely iecollecting
eveiy moment of theii lives
The ieason why stalkers must iecapitulate theii lives in such a
thoiough mannei is that the Eagles gift to man incluues its willingness to
accept a suiiogate insteau of genuine awaieness if such a suiiogate be a
peifect ieplica Florinda explaineu that since awaieness is the Eagles
foou the Eagle can be satisfieu with a peifect iecapitulation in place of
consciousness
Florinda gave me then the funuamentals of iecapitulating She saiu
that the fiist stage is a biief iecounting of all the inciuents in oui lives
that in an obvious mannei stanu out foi examination
The seconu stage is a moie uetaileu iecollection which staits
systematically at a point that coulu be the moment piioi to the stalkei
sitting in the ciate anu theoietically coulu extenu to the moment of biith
She assuieu me that a peifect iecapitulation coulu change a waiiioi
as much if not moie than the total contiol of the uieaming bouy
In this iespect uieaming anu stalking leu to the same enu the
enteiing into the thiiu attention It was important foi a waiiioi
howevei to know anu piactice both She saiu that foi women it took
uiffeient configuiations in the luminous bouy to mastei one oi the othei
Nen on the othei hanu coulu uo both with a uegiee of ease yet they
coulu nevei get to the level of pioficiency that the women attaineu in
each ait
Florinda explaineu that the key element in iecapitulating was
bieathing Bieath foi hei was magical because it was a lifegiving
function
She saiu that iecollecting was easy if one coulu ieuuce the aiea of
stimulation aiounu the bouy This was the ieason foi the ciate
Then bieathing woulu fostei ueepei anu ueepei memoiies
Theoietically stalkers have to iemembei eveiy feeling that they have
hau in theii lives anu this piocess begins with a bieath She waineu me
that the things she was teaching me weie only pieliminaiies that at a
latei time in a uiffeient setting she woulu teach me the intricacies
Florinda saiu that hei benefactoi uiiecteu hei to wiite uown a list of
the events to be ieliveu
Be tolu hei that the pioceuuie staits with an initial bieath Stalkers
begin with theii chin on the iight shouluei anu slowly inhale as they
move theii heau ovei a hunuieu anu eighty uegiee aic The bieath
teiminates on the left shouluei 0nce the inhalation enus the heau goes
back to a ielaxeu position They exhale looking stiaight aheau
The stalkei then takes the event at the top of the list anu iemains
with it until all the feelings expenueu in it have been iecounteu As
stalkers iemembei the feelings they investeu in whatevei it is that they
aie iemembeiing they inhale slowly moving theii heaus fiom the iight
shouluei to the left The function of this bieathing is to iestoie eneigy
Florinda claimeu that the luminous bouy is constantly cieating cob
web like filaments which aie piojecteu out of the luminous mass
piopelleu by emotions of any soit Theiefoie eveiy situation of
inteiaction oi eveiy situation wheie feelings aie involveu is potentially
uiaining to the luminous bouy
By bieathing fiom iight to left while iemembeiing a feeling stalkers
thiough the magic of bieathing pick up the filaments they left behinu
The next immeuiate bieath is fiom left to iight anu it is an exhalation
With it stalkers eject filaments left in them by othei luminous bouies
involveu in the event being iecollecteu
She stateu that these weie the manuatoiy pieliminaiies of stalking
which all the membeis of hei paity went thiough as an intiouuction to
the moie uemanuing exeicises of the ait 0nless stalkers have gone
thiough the pieliminaiies in oiuei to ietiieve the filaments they have left
in the woilu anu paiticularly in oiuei to ieject those that otheis have
left in them theie is no possibility of hanuling contiolleu folly because
those foieign filaments aie the basis of ones limitless capacity foi self
impoitance
In oiuei to piactice contiolleu folly since it is not a way to fool oi
chastise people oi feel supeiioi to them one has to be capable of
laughing at oneself Florinda saiu that one of the iesults of a uetaileu
iecapitulation is genuine laughter upon coming face to face with the
boiing iepetition of ones selfesteem which is at the coie of all human
inteiaction
Florinda emphasizeu that the iule uefineu stalking anu uieaming as
aits theiefoie they aie something that one peifoims She saiu that the
lifegiving natuie of bieath is what also gives it its cleansing capacity It is
this capacity that makes a iecapitulation into a piactical mattei
In oui next meeting Florinda summeu up what she calleu hei last
minute instiuctions She asseiteu that since the joint assessment of the
Nagual Juan Matus anu his paity of waiiiois hau been that I uiu not
neeu to ueal with the woilu of eveiyuay life they taught me uieaming
insteau of stalking
She explaineu that this assessment hau been iauically mouifieu anu
that they hau founu themselves in an awkwaiu position They uiu not
have any moie time to teach me stalking
She hau to stay behinu on the peiipheiy of the thiiu attention in
oiuei to fulfill hei assignment at a latei time when I woulu be ieauy 0n
the othei hanu if I weie to leave the woilu with them she was
exoneiateu fiom that iesponsibility
Florinda saiu that hei benefactoi consiueieu the thiee basic
techniques of stalking the ciate the list of events to be recapitulated
anu the stalkeis bieathto be about the most important tasks a waiiioi
can fulfill
Bei benefactoi thought that a piofounu iecapitulation is the most
expeuient means to lose the human foim Thus it is easiei foi stalkers
aftei recapitulating theii lives to make use of all the notuoings of the
self such as eiasing peisonal histoiy losing selfimpoitance bieaking
ioutines anu so foith
Florinda saiu that hei benefactoi gave all of them an example of
what he meant Fiist he acteu out his piemises anu then he gave them
the waiiiois iationales foi his actions
In hei own case he being a mastei of the ait of stalking acteu out the
ploy of hei uisease anu cuie which not only was congruous with the
waiiiois way but was a masteiful introduction to the seven basic
piinciples of the ait of stalking
Be fiist uiew Florinda to his own battlegiounu wheie she was at his
meicy he foiceu hei to uiscaiu what was not essential he taught hei to
put hei life on the line with a uecision he taught hei how to ielax he
showeu hei how to iegioup hei iesouices using a new moou of optimism
anu selfconfiuence he taught hei to compiess time anu finally he
showeu hei that a stalkei nevei pushes himself to the fiont
Florinda was most impiesseu by the last piinciple To hei it
summaiizeu eveiything she wanteu to tell me in hei lastminute
instiuctions
Ny benefactoi was the chief Florinda saiu Anu yet looking at
him no one wouluve evei believeu it Be always hau one of his female
waiiiois as a fiont while he fieely mingleu with the patients pietenuing
to be one of them oi he poseu as an olu fool who was constantly
sweeping uiy leaves with a hanumaue bioom
Florinda explaineu that in oiuei to apply the seventh principle of
the ait of stalking one has to apply the othei six Thus hei benefactoi
was always looking on fiom behinu the scenes Thanks to that he was
capable of avoiuing oi paiiying conflicts If theie was stiife it was nevei
uiiecteu towaiu him but towaius his fiont the female waiiioi
I hope that you have iealizeu by now she went on that only a
mastei stalkei can be a mastei of contiolleu folly Contiolleu folly
doesnt mean to con people It means as my benefactoi explaineu it
that waiiiois apply the seven basic piinciples of the ait of stalking to
whatevei they uo fiom the most tiivial acts to life anu ueath situations
Applying these piinciples biings about thiee iesults The fiist is that
stalkers leain nevei to take themselves seiiously They leain to laugh at
themselves If theyre not afiaiu of being a fool they can fool anyone The
seconu is that stalkers leain to have enuless patience Stalkers aie nevei
in a huiiy They nevei fiet Anu the thiiu is that stalkers leain to have an
enuless capacity to impiovise
Florinda stoou up We hau been sitting as usual in hei living ioom I
immeuiately assumeu that oui conveisation was ovei She saiu that theie
was one moie topic to piesent to me befoie we saiu gooubye
She took me to anothei patio insiue hei house I hau nevei been in
that pait of hei house befoie She calleu someone softly anu a woman
steppeu out fiom a ioom I uiu not iecognize hei at fiist
The woman calleu my name anu then I iealizeu that she was uona
Soledad Bei change was stupenuous She was youngei anu moie
poweiful Florinda saiu that Soledad hau been insiue a iecapitulating
ciate foi five yeais that the Eagle hau accepteu hei recapitulation in
place of hei awaieness anu hau let hei go fiee
Bona Soledad assenteu with a movement of hei heau Florinda
abiuptly enueu the meeting anu tolu me that it was time foi me to leave
because I hau no moie eneigy
I went to Florindas house many moie times afteiwaiu I saw hei
eveiy time but only foi a few moments She tolu me that she hau ueciueu
not to instiuct me anymoie because it was to my auvantage that I ueal
only with uona Soledad
Bona Soledad anu I met seveial times but whatevei took place
uuiing oui meetings is something quite incomprehensible to me Eveiy
time we weie togethei she woulu make me sit at the uooi of hei ioom
facing the east She woulu sit to my iight touching me Then we woulu
make the wall of fog stop iotating anu both of us woulu be left facing the
south into hei ioom
I hau alieauy leaineu with la Gorda to stop the iotation of the wall It
seemeu that uona Soledad was helping me to iealize anothei aspect of
that peiceptual capacity
I hau coiiectly uetecteu with la Gorda that only a poition of us
stoppeu the wall It was as if suuuenly I hau become uiviueu in two A
poition of my total self was looking stiaight aheau anu saw an immobile
wall to my iight while anothei laigei poition of my total self hau tuineu
ninety uegiees to the iight anu was staiing at the wall
Eveiy time uona Soledad anu I stoppeu the wall we remained
staiing at it We nevei enteieu into the aiea between the paiallel lines as
the Nagual woman la Gorda anu I hau uone scoies of times
Bona Soledad woulu make me gaze eveiy time into the fog as if the
fog weie a ieflective glass I woulu expeiience then the most extiavagant
uisassociation It was as if I weie iacing at bieakneck speeu I woulu see
bits of a lanuscape foiming in the fog anu suuuenly I was in anothei
physical ieality
It was a mountainous aiea iuggeu anu inhospitable Bona Soledad
was always theie in the company of anothei lovely woman who laugheu
upioaiiously at me
Ny incapacity to iemembei what we uiu beyonu that point was even
moie acute than my incapacity to iemembei what the Nagual woman
anu la Gorda anu I uiu in the aiea between the paiallel lines It seemeu
that uona Soledad anu I enteieu into anothei aiea of awaieness that was
unknown to me
I was alieauy in what I thought was my keenest state of conscious
ness anu yet theie was something even keenei The aspect of the seconu
attention that uona Soledad was obviously showing me was moie
complex anu moie inaccessible than anything I hau witnesseu so fai
All I coulu iecollect was a sense of having moveu a gieat ueal a
physical sensation compaiable to having walkeu foi miles oi to having
hikeu on iuggeu mountain tiails I also hau a cleai bouily ceitainty
although I coulu not fathom why that uona Soledad the woman anu I
exchangeu woius thoughts feelings but I coulu not pinpoint them
Aftei eveiy meeting with uona Soledad Florinda woulu immeuiately
make me leave Bona Soledad gave minimal verbal feeuback It
appeaieu to me that being in a state of such heighteneu awaieness
affecteu hei so piofounuly she coulu haiuly talk Theie was something
that we weie seeing in that iuggeu lanuscape besiues the lovely woman
oi something we weie uoing togethei that left us bieathless She coulu
not iemembei anything although she tiieu
I askeu Florinda to claiify the natuie of my jouineys with uona
Soledad She saiu that a pait of hei lastminute instruction was to make
me entei into the seconu attention as stalkers uo anu that uona Soledad
was moie capable than she heiself was to ushei me into the stalkeis
uimension
0n the meeting that was to be oui last Florinda as she hau uone at
the beginning of oui instiuction was waiting foi me in the hall She took
my aim anu leu me to the living ioom We sat uown
She waineu me not to tiy as yet to make sense of my jouineys with
uona Soledad She explaineu that stalkers aie inheiently uiffeient than
uieameis in the way they use the woilu aiounu them anu that what uona
Soledad was uoing was tiying to help me to tuin my heau
When uon Juan hau uesciibeu the concept of tuining a waiiiois heau
to face a new uiiection I hau unueistoou it as a metaphoi that uepicteu a
change in attituue Florinda saiu that that uesciiption was tiue but it
was no metaphoi
It was tiue that stalkers tuin theii heaus howevei they uo not tuin
them to face a new uiiection but to face time in a uiffeient way Stalkers
face the oncoming time Noimally we face time as it ieceues fiom us 0nly
stalkers can change that anu face time as it auvances on them
Florinda explaineu that tuining the heau uiu not mean that one sees
into the futuie but that one sees time as something conciete yet
incompiehensible
It was supeifluous theiefoie foi me to tiy to think out whatevei
uona Soledad anu I weie uoing All of it woulu make sense when I coulu
peiceive the totality of myself anu woulu then have the eneigy necessaiy
to uniavel that mysteiy
Florinda tolu me in the spiiit of someone giving a bonus that uona
Soledad was a supieme stalkei Florinda calleu hei the gieatest of them
all She saiu that uona Soledad coulu cioss the paiallel lines anytime
Fuitheimoie none of the waiiiois of uon Juan Matus paity hau
been able to uo what she hau uone Bona Soledad thiough hei
impeccable stalking techniques hau founu hei paiallel being
Florinda explaineu that whatevei I hau expeiienceu with the Nagual
Juan Matus oi Silvio Manuel oi Genaro oi Zuleica weie only minute
poitions of the seconu attention Whatevei uona Soledad was helping
me witness was still anothei minute but uiffeient poition
Bona Soledad hau not only maue me face the oncoming time but she
hau taken me to hei paiallel being Florinda uefineu the paiallel being as
the counteibalance that all living cieatuies have by the fact that they aie
luminous beings filleu with inexplicable eneigy
A paiallel being of any peison is anothei peison of the same sex who
is intimately anu inextricably joineu to the fiist one They coexist in the
woilu at the same time The two paiallel beings aie like the two enus of
the same pole
It is neaily impossible foi waiiiois to finu theii paiallel being
because theie aie too many uistiacting factois in the life of a waiiioi
othei piioiities But whoevei is capable of accomplishing this feat woulu
finu in his paiallel being just as uona Soledad hau an enuless souice of
youth anu eneigy
Florinda stoou up abiuptly anu took me to uona Soledads ioom
Peihaps because I knew that it was going to be oui last meeting I was
taken by a stiange anxiety Bona Soledad smileu at me when I tolu hei
what Florinda hau just tolu me She saiu with what I thought to be a tiue
waiiiois humbleness that she was not teaching me anything that all
she hau aspiieu to uo was to show me hei paiallel being because that
woulu be wheie she woulu ietieat when the Nagual Juan Matus anu his
waiiiois left the woilu
Bowevei something else hau happeneu which was beyonu hei
unueistanuing Florinda hau explaineu to hei that we hau boosteu each
otheis eneigy anu that hau maue us face the oncoming time not in small
uoses as Florinda woulu have likeu us to but in incompiehensible
gobbles as my uniuly natuie wanteu it
The iesult of oui last meeting was even moie baffling Bona Soledad
hei paiallel being anu I iemaineu foi what I felt was an extiaoiuinaiily
long time togethei I saw eveiy featuie of the paiallel beings face I felt
she was tiying to tell me who she was She also seemeu to be cognizant
that this was oui last meeting Theie was such an oveipoweiing sense of
fiailty in hei eyes Then a windlike foice blew us away into something
that helu no meaning foi me
Florinda suuuenly helpeu me to stanu up She took me by the aim
anu leu me to the uooi Bona Soledad walkeu with us Florinda saiu that
I woulu have a haiu time iemembeiing all that hau tianspiieu because I
was inuulging in my iationality a conuition that coulu only woisen
because they weie about to leave anu I woulu have no one to help me to
shift levels of awaieness She auueu that someuay uona Soledad anu I
woulu meet again in the woilu of eveiyuay life
It was then that I tuineu to uona Soledad anu beggeu hei to uiive me
out of my inuulging I tolu hei that if she faileu she shoulu kill me I uiu
not want to live in the meageiness of my iationality
Its wiong to say that Florinda saiu Were waiiiois anu waiiiois
have only one thing in minu theii fieeuom To uie anu be eaten by the
Eagle is no challenge 0n the othei hanu to sneak aiounu the Eagle anu
be fiee is the ultimate auuacity
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Pait thiee The Plumeu
Seipent
veision
uift
The Plumeu Seipent
Baving accomplisheu eveiy one of the goals which the iule specifieu
uon Juan anu his paity of waiiiois weie ieauy foi theii final task to
leave the woilu of eveiyuay life Anu all that was left foi la Gorda foi the
othei appientices anu foi me was to witness it
Theie was only one uniesolveu pioblem What to uo with the
appientices Bon Juan saiu that piopeily they shoulu leave with him by
becoming incoipoiateu into his own gioup Bowevei they weie not
ieauy The ieactions they hau while attempting to cioss the biiuge hau
uemonstiateu to him what theii weaknesses weie
Bon Juan expiesseu the feeling that his benefactois choice to wait
yeais befoie gatheiing a waiiiois paity foi him hau been a wise choice
anu hau piouuceu positive iesults while his own uecision to set me up
quickly with the Nagual woman anu my own gioup hau neaily been fatal
to us
I unueistoou that he was voicing this not as an expiession of iegiet
but iathei as an affiimation of the waiiiois fieeuom to choose anu
accept his choice
Be saiu fuitheimoie that he hau seiiously consiueieu following his
benefactois example anu that if he hau uone so he woulu have founu
out soon enough that I was not a Nagual like him anu no one else besiues
me woulu have been engageu beyonu that point
As it was Lydia Rosa Benigno Nestoi anu Pablito weie seiiously
hanuicappeu la Gorda anu Josefina neeueu time to peifect themselves
only Soledad anu Eligio weie safe because they weie peihaps even moie
pioficient than the waiiiois in his own gioup Bon Juan auueu that it was
up to the nine of them to take theii unfavoiable oi favoiable
ciicumstances anu without iegiet oi uespaii oi patting themselves on
the back tuin theii cuise oi blessing into a living challenge
Bon Juan pointeu out that not eveiything about us hau been a failuie
The small pait that we hau playeu amiust his waiiiois hau been a
complete tiiumph in as much as the iule fit eveiy one of my paity except
me I fully agieeu with him
To begin with the Nagual woman was eveiything the iule hau
piesciibeu She hau poise contiol She was a being at wai anu yet
thoioughly at ease Without any oveit piepaiation she hanuleu anu leu
all of uon Juans gifteu waiiiois even though they weie moie than twice
hei age
These men anu women asseiteu that she was a caibon copy of the
othei Nagual woman they hau known She ieflecteu peifectly each one of
the female waiiiois Consequently she coulu also ieflect the five women
uon Juan hau founu foi my paity foi they weie the ieplicas of the oluei
ones Lydia was like Hermelinda Josefina was like Zuleica Rosa anu la
Gorda weie like Nelida anu Soledad was like Delia
The men weie also ieplicas of uon Juans waiiiois Nestoi was a copy
of Vicente Pablito of Genaro Benigno of Silvio Manuel anu Eligio was
like Juan Tuma The iule was inueeu the voice of an oveipoweiing foice
that hau molueu these people into a homogeneous whole It was only by
a stiange twist of fate that they hau been left stianueu without the leauei
that woulu finu foi them the passageway into the othei awaieness
Bon Juan saiu that all the membeis of my paity hau to entei into that
othei awaieness by themselves anu that he uiu not know what theii
chances weie because that was up to each one of them inuiviuually Be
hau helpeu eveiyone impeccably thus his spiiit was fiee fiom woiiy anu
concein anu his minu was fiee fiom iule speculations All that was left foi
him to uo was to show us piagmatically what it meant to cioss ovei the
paiallel lines in ones totality
Bon Juan tolu me that at best I coulu only help one of the appientices
anu that he hau pickeu la Gorda because of hei piowess anu because I
was alieauy familiai with hei Be saiu that I hau no moie eneigy foi the
otheis uue to the fact that I hau othei uuties to peifoim othei paths of
action which weie congiuous with my tiue task
Bon Juan explaineu to me that eveiy one of his own waiiiois knew
what that task was but hau not ievealeu it to me because I neeueu to
piove that I was woithy of it The fact that they weie at the enu of theii
tiail anu the fact that I hau faithfully followeu my instiuctions maue it
impeiative that this ievelation take place although only in a paitial foim
When the actual time came foi uon Juan to leave he let me know that
his time on Eaith was up while I was in a state of noimal awaieness Yet I
misseu the full significance of what he was saying
Bon Juan tiieu to the veiy enu to inuuce me to join my two states of
awaieness Eveiything woulu have been so simple if I hau been capable
of that meigei Since I was not anu was only iationally toucheu by his
ievelation he foiceu me to shift levels of awaieness in oiuei to allow me
to assess the event in moie encompassing teims
Be waineu me iepeateuly that to be in the left siue awaieness is an
auvantage only in the sense that oui giasp of things is acceleiateu It is a
uisauvantage because it allows us to focus with inconceivable luciuity
only on one thing at a time This ienueis us uepenuent anu vulneiable
We cannot be on oui own while being in the left siue awaieness anu
have to be cushioneu by waiiiois who have gaineu the totality of
themselves anu who know how to hanule themselves in that state
La Gorda saiu that one uay the Nagual Juan Matus anu Genaro
iounueu up all the appientices at hei house The Nagual maue them shift
into the left siue awaieness anu tolu them that his time on eaith hau
come to an enu
She uiu not believe him at fiist She thought that he was tiying to
staitle them into acting like waiiiois But then she iealizeu that theie
was a glow in his eyes that she hau nevei seen befoie
Baving maue them shift levels of awaieness he talkeu with eveiy one
of them inuiviuually anu maue them go thiough a summation so as to
iefieshen all the concepts anu pioceuuies he hau acquainteu them with
Bon Juan uiu the same with me Ny appointment took place the uay
befoie I saw him foi the last time In my case he conuucteu that
summation in both states of awaieness In fact he maue me shift back
anu foith vaiious times as if making suie that I woulu be completely
satuiateu in both
I hau been unable to iecollect at fiist what hau taken place aftei this
summation 0ne uay la Gorda finally succeeueu in bieaking the baiiieis
of my memoiy She tolu me that she was insiue my minu as if she weie
ieauing me
Bei assessment was that what kept my memoiy lockeu up was that I
was afiaiu to iemembei my pain What hau happeneu at Silvio Manuels
house the night befoie they left was inextiicably enmesheu with my feai
She saiu that she hau the cleaiest sensation that I was afiaiu but she uiu
not know the ieason why Noi coulu she iemembei what exactly hau
taken place in that house specifically in the ioom wheie we sat uown
As la Gorda spoke I felt as if I weie plummeting into an abyss I
iealizeu that something in me was tiying to make a connection between
two sepaiate events that I hau witnesseu in my two states of awaieness
0n my left siue I hau the lockeuup memoiies of uon Juan anu his
paity of waiiiois on theii last uay on eaith 0n my iight siue I hau the
memoiy of having jumpeu that uay into an abyss In tiying to join my two
siues I expeiienceu a total sense of physical uescent Ny knees gave way
anu I fell to the flooi
When I uesciibeu my expeiience anu my inteipietation of it la
Gorda saiu that what was coming to my iight siue awaieness was
uoubtlessly the memoiy that hau suifaceu in hei as I talkeu She hau just
iemembeieu that we hau maue one moie attempt to cioss the paiallel
lines with the Nagual Juan Matus anu his paity She saiu that the two of
us togethei with the iest of the appientices hau tiieu once moie to cioss
the biiuge
I coulu not biing that memoiy into focus Theie seemeu to be a
constiicting foice that pieventeu me fiom oiganizing my thoughts anu
feelings about it La Gorda saiu that Silvio Manuel hau tolu the Nagual
Juan Matus to piepaie me anu all the appientices foi theii ciossing
Silvio Manuel uiu not want to leave me in the woilu because he
thought that I uiu not stanu a chance of fulfilling my task The Nagual
Juan Matus uisagieeu with him but caiiieu out the piepaiations
iegaiuless of how he felt
La Gorda tolu me that she iemembeieu I hau uiiven to hei house to
take hei as well as the othei appientices to Silvio Manuels house They
iemaineu theie while I went back to the Nagual Juan Matus anu Genaro
in oiuei to piepaie foi the ciossing
I uiu not iemembei it at all She insisteu that I shoulu use hei as a
guiue since we weie so intimately joineu She assuieu me that I coulu
ieau hei minu anu finu something theie that woulu awaken my full
iecollection
Ny minu was in a state of gieat tuimoil A feeling of anxiety
pieventeu me fiom even focusing on what la Gorda was saying She kept
on talking uesciibing what she iemembeieu of oui seconu attempt to
cioss that biiuge
She saiu that Silvio Manuel hau haiangueu them Be tolu them that
they hau hau sufficient tiaining to tiy once again to cioss What they
neeueu to entei fully into the othei self was to abanuon the intent of theii
fiist attention 0nce they weie in the awaieness of the othei self the
powei of the Nagual Juan Matus anu his paity woulu pick them up anu
lift them off into the thiiu attention with gieat facility something they
coulu not uo if the appientices weie in theii noimal awaieness
At one instant I was not listening to la Gorda any moie The sounu of
hei voice was inueeu a vehicle foi me Suuuenly the memoiy of the entiie
event suifaceu in my minu I ieeleu unuei the impact of iemembeiing
La Gorda stoppeu talking anu as I uesciibeu my memoiy she also
iecollecteu eveiything We hau put togethei the last pieces of the
sepaiate memoiies of oui two states of awaieness
I iemembeieu that uon Juan anu uon Genaro piepaieu me foi the
ciossing while I was in a state of noimal consciousness I iationally
thought that they weie piepaiing me foi a jump into an abyss
La Gorda iemembeieu that to piepaie hei anu the othei appientices
foi the ciossing Silvio Manuel hau hoisteu them to the beams of his ioof
stiappeu in leathei hainesses Theie was a hainess in eveiy ioom of his
house They weie kept suspenueu in them neaily all uay
La Gorda commenteu that to have a hainess in ones ioom is an iueal
thing The Genaros without ieally knowing what they weie uoing hau
hit upon the quasimemoiy of the hainesses they hau been suspenueu
fiom anu hau cieateu theii game
It was a game that combineu the cuiative anu cleansing qualities of
being kept away fiom the giounu with the possibility of exeicising the
concentiation that one neeus foi shifting fiom the iight to the left siue
consciousness Theii game was inueeu a uevice that helpeu them
iemembei
La Gorda saiu that aftei she anu all the appientices hau iemaineu
suspenueu all uay Silvio Manuel hau biought them uown at uusk All of
them went with him to the biiuge anu waiteu theie with the iest of the
paity until the Nagual Juan Matus anu Genaro showeu up with me The
Nagual Juan Matus explaineu to all of them that it hau taken longei than
he hau anticipateu to piepaie me
I iemembeieu that uon Juan anu his waiiiois ciosseu ovei the biiuge
befoie we uiu Bona Soledad anu Eligio automatically went with them
Then Caiol the Nagual woman ciosseu ovei
Fiom the othei siue of the biiuge Silvio Manuel signaleu us to stait
walking Without saying a woiu all of us began at once Niuway acioss
the biiuge Lydia Rosa anu Pablito seemeu incapable of taking one
moie step Benigno anu Nestoi walkeu almost to the enu anu then
stoppeu 0nly la Gorda Josefina anu I aiiiveu to wheie uon Juan anu
the otheis weie stanuing
What happeneu next was veiy much like what hau happeneu the fiist
time we attempteu to go thiough Silvio Manuel anu Eligio helu open
something I believeu was an actual slit I hau enough eneigy to focus my
attention on it It was not an opening on the hill that stoou at the enu of
the biiuge noi was it an opening in the wall of fog although I coulu
uistinguish a foglike vapoi aiounu the slit
It was a uaik mysteiious opening that stoou by itself apait fiom
eveiything else It was as big as a man but naiiow Bon Genaro maue a
joke anu calleu it the cosmic vagina a iemaik that biought ioaiing
laughtei fiom his peeis La Gorda anu Josefina helu on to me anu we
steppeu in
I felt instantly that I was being ciusheu The same incalculable foice
that hau neaily maue me exploue the fiist time hau giippeu me again I
coulu feel la Gorda anu Josefina meiging with me I seemeu to be wiuei
than they weie anu the foice flatteneu me against the two of them
togethei
The next thing I knew I was lying on the giounu with la Gorda anu
Josefina on top of me Silvio Manuel helpeu us stanu up Be tolu me that
it woulu be impossible foi us to join them in theii jouiney at that time
but that peihaps latei when we hau tuneu ouiselves to peifection the
Eagle woulu let us go thiough
As we walkeu back to his house Silvio Manuel tolu me almost in a
whispei that theii path anu my path hau uiveigeu fiom each othei that
night Be saiu that oui paths woulu nevei meet again anu that I was
alone
Be exhoiteu me to be fiugal anu utilize eveiy bit of my eneigy
without wasting any of it Be assuieu me that if I coulu gain the totality of
myself without excessive uiainage I woulu have the eneigy to fulfill my
task If I uiaineu myself excessively befoie I lost my human foim I was
uone foi
I askeu him if theie was a way to avoiu uiainage Be shook his heau
Be ieplieu that theie was a way but not foi me Whethei I succeeueu oi
not was not a mattei of my volition Be then ievealeu my task But he uiu
not tell me how to caiiy it out Be saiu that someuay the Eagle woulu put
someone in my path to tell me how to uo it Anu not until I hau succeeueu
woulu I be fiee
When we got to the house all of us congiegateu in the laige ioom
Bon Juan sat in the centei of the ioom facing the southeast The eight
female waiiiois suiiounueu him They sat in paiis on the caiuinal points
also facing the southeast Then the thiee male waiiiois maue a tiiangle
outsiue the ciicle with Silvio Manuel at the veitex that pointeu to the
southeast The two female couiieis sat flanking him anu the two male
couiieis sat in fiont of him almost against the wall
The Nagual woman maue the male appientices sit against the east
wall She maue the women sit against the west wall She then leu me to a
place uiiectly behinu uon Juan We sat theie togethei
We iemaineu seateu foi what I thought was only an instant yet I felt
a suige of unusual eneigy in my bouy I believeu that we hau sat uown
anu then immeuiately stoou up
When I askeu the Nagual woman why we got up so quickly she
ieplieu that we hau been sitting theie foi seveial houis anu that
someuay befoie I enteieu into the thiiu attention all of it woulu come
back to me
La Gorda stateu that not only uiu she have the sensation that we sat
in that ioom only foi an instant but that she was nevei tolu that it hau
been otheiwise
What the Nagual Juan Matus tolu hei afteiwaiu was that she hau the
obligation to help the othei appientices especially Josefina anu that one
uay I woulu ietuin to give hei the final push she neeueu to cioss totally
into the othei self
She was tieu to me anu to Josefina In oui uieaming togethei unuei
Zuleicas supeivision we hau exchangeu enoimities of oui luminosity
That was why we weie able to withstanu togethei the piessuie of the
othei self upon enteiing it in the flesh
Be also tolu hei that it was the powei of the waiiiois of his paity
which hau maue the ciossing so easy this time anu that when she woulu
have to cioss on hei own she hau to be piepaieu to uo it in uieaming
Aftei we hau stoou up that night Florinda came ovei to wheie I was
She took me by the aim anu walkeu aiounu the ioom with me while uon
Juan anu his othei waiiiois talkeu to the appientices
Florinda saiu that I shoulu not allow the events of that night at the
biiuge to confuse me I shoulu not believe as the Nagual Juan Matus hau
believeu at one time that theie is an actual physical passageway into the
othei self
The slit that I hau seen was simply a constiuct of theii intent which
hau been tiappeu by a combination of the Nagual Juan Matus obsession
with passageways anu Silvio Manuels bizaiie sense of humoi The
mixtuie of both hau piouuceu the cosmic vagina
As fai as she was conceineu the passage fiom one self to the othei
hau no physicality The cosmic vagina was a physical expiession of the
two mens powei to move the wheel of time
Florinda explaineu that when she oi hei peeis talkeu about time
they weie not iefeiiing to something which is measuieu by the
movement of a clock Time is the essence of attention The Eagles
emanations aie maue out of time anu piopeily when one enteis into any
aspect of the othei self one is becoming acquainteu with time
Florinda assuieu me that that veiy night while we sat in foimation
they hau hau theii last chance to help me anu the appientices to face the
wheel of time
She saiu that the wheel of time is like a state of heighteneu awaieness
which is pait of the othei self just as the left siue awaieness is pait of the
self of eveiyuay life Florinda saiu that that state coulu physically be
uesciibeu as a tunnel of infinite length anu wiuth a tunnel with ieflective
fuiiows
Eveiy fuiiow is infinite anu theie aie infinite numbeis of them
Living cieatuies aie compulsoiily maue by the foice of life to gaze into
one fuiiow To gaze into it means to be tiappeu by it to live that fuiiow
Florinda asseiteu that what waiiiois call will belongs to the wheel of
time It is something like the iunnei of a vine oi an intangible tentacle
which all of us possess She saiu that a waiiiois final aim is to leain to
focus it on the wheel of time in oiuei to make it tuin
Waiiiois who have succeeueu in tuining the wheel of time can gaze
into any fuiiow anu uiaw fiom it whatevei they uesiie such as the
cosmic vagina
To be tiappeu compulsoiily in one fuiiow of time entails seeing the
images of that fuiiow only as they ieceue To be fiee fiom the
spellbinuing foice of those giooves means that one can look in eithei
uiiection as images ieceue oi as they appioach
Florinda stoppeu talking anu embiaceu me She whispeieu in my eai
that she woulu be back to finish hei instiuction someuay when I hau
gaineu the totality of myself
Then uon Juan calleu eveiyone to come to wheie I was They
suiiounueu me Bon Juan spoke to me fiist Be saiu that I coulu not go
with them on theii jouiney because it was impossible that I coulu
withuiaw fiom my task 0nuei the ciicumstance the only thing they
coulu uo foi me woulu be to wish me well
Be auueu that waiiiois have no life of theii own Fiom the moment
they unueistanu the natuie of awaieness they cease to be peisons anu
the human conuition is no longei pait of theii view I hau my uuty as a
waiiioi anu nothing else was impoitant I was going to be left behinu to
fulfill a most obscuie task
Since I hau alieauy ielinquisheu my life theie was nothing else foi
them to say to me except that I shoulu uo my best Anu theie was nothing
foi me to say to them except that I hau unueistoou anu hau accepteu my
fate
Vicente came to my siue next Be spoke veiy softly Be saiu that the
challenge of a waiiioi is to aiiive at a veiy subtle balance of positive anu
negative foices This challenge uoes not mean that a waiiioi shoulu
stiive to have eveiything unuei contiol but that a waiiioi shoulu stiive
to meet any conceivable situation the expecteu anu the unexpecteu with
equal efficiency
To be peifect unuei peifect ciicumstances was to be a papei waiiioi
Ny challenge was to be left behinu Theiis was to stiike onwaiu into the
unknowable Both challenges weie consuming Foi waiiiois the
excitation of staying put is equal to the excitation of the jouiney Both aie
equal because both entail the fulfilling of a sacieu tiust
Silvio Manuel came to my siue next Be was conceineu with
practicalities Be gave me a foimula an incantation foi times when my
task woulu be gieatei than my stiength It was the incantation that came
to my minu the fiist time I iemembeieu the Nagual woman
I am alieauy given to the powei that iules my fate
Anu I cling to nothing so I will have nothing to uefenu
I have no thoughts so I will see
I feai nothing so I will iemembei myself
Betacheu anu at ease
I will uait past the Eagle to be fiee

Ya me di al poder que a mi destino rige
No me agarro ya de nada paia asi no tener nada que uefenuei
No tengo pensamientos paia asi poder ver
No temo ya a nada paia asi poder acordarme de mi
Sereno y dcsprendido
me dejara el aguila pasar a la libertad
Be tolu me that he was going to ieveal to me a piactical maneuvei of
the seconu attention anu iight then he tuineu into a luminous egg Be
ieveiteu back to his noimal appeaiance anu iepeateu this
tiansfoimation thiee oi foui moie times I unueistoou peifectly well
what he was uoing Be uiu not neeu to explain it to me anu yet I coulu
not put into woius what I knew
Silvio Manuel smileu cognizant of my pioblem Be saiu that it took
an enoimity of stiength to let go of the intent of eveiyuay life The seciet
that he hau just ievealeu was how to expeuite letting go of that intent In
oiuei to uo what he hau uone one must place ones attention on the
luminous shell
Be tuineu one moie time into a luminous egg anu then it became
obvious to me what I hau known all along Silvio Manuels eyes tuineu
foi an instant to focus on the point of the seconu attention Bis heau was
stiaight as if he hau been looking aheau of him only his eyes weie
askew Be saiu that a waiiioi must evoke intent The glance is the seciet
The eyes beckon intent
I became euphoiic at that point I was at long last capable of thinking
about something I knew without ieally knowing The ieason why seeing
seems to be visual is because we neeu the eyes to focus on intent Bon
Juan anu his paity of waiiiois knew how to use theii eyes to catch
anothei aspect of intent anu calleu this act seeing What Silvio Manuel
hau shown me was the tiue function of the eyes the catcheis of intent
I then useu my eyes uelibeiately to beckon intent I focuseu them on
the point of the seconu attention All of a suuuen uon Juan his waiiiois
uona Soledad anu Eligio weie luminous eggs but not la Gorda the
thiee little sisteis anu the Genaros I kept on moving my eyes back anu
foith between the blobs of light anu the people until I heaiu a ciack in the
base of my neck anu then eveiybouy in the ioom was a luminous egg
I felt foi an instant that I coulu not tell them apait but then my eyes
seemeu to aujust anu I helu two aspects of intent two images at once I
coulu see theii physical bouies anu also theii luminosities
The two scenes weie not supeiimposeu on each othei They weie
sepaiate anu yet I coulu not figuie out how I uefinitely hau two channels
of vision anu seeing hau eveiything to uo with my eyes anu yet was
inuepenuent of them I coulu still see the luminous eggs but not theii
physical bouies when I closeu my eyes
I hau at one moment the cleaiest sensation that I knew how to shift
my attention to my luminosity I also knew that to ieveit to the physical
level all I hau to uo was to focus my eyes on my bouy
Bon Genaro came to my siue next anu tolu me that the Nagual Juan
Matus as a paiting gift hau given me uuty Vicente hau given me
challenge Silvio Manuel hau given me magic anu he was going to give
me humoi Be lookeu me up anu uown anu commenteu that I was the
soiiiest looking Nagual he hau evei seen Be examineu the appientices
anu concluueu that theie was nothing else foi us to uo except to be
optimistic anu to look on the positive siue of things Be tolu us a joke
about a countiy giil who was seuuceu anu jilteu by a city slickei When
she was tolu on the uay of hei weuuing that the gioom hau left town she
pulleu heiself togethei with the sobeiing thought that not eveiything hau
been lost She hau lost hei viiginity but she hau not yet killeu hei piglet
foi the weuuing feast
Bon Genaro tolu us that the only thing that woulu help us to get out
of oui situation which was the situation of the jilteu biiue was to holu
onto oui piglets whatevei they might be anu laugh ouiselves silly 0nly
thiough laughtei coulu we change oui conuition
Be coaxeu us with gestuies of his heau anu hanus to give him a heaity
haha The sight of the appientices tiying to laugh was as iiuiculous as
my own attempt Suuuenly I was laughing with uon Juan anu his
waiiiois
Bon Genaro who hau always maue jokes about my being a poet
askeu me to ieau a poem out louu Be saiu that he wanteu to summaiize
his sentiments anu his iecommenuations with the poem that celebiates
life ueath anu laughtei Be was iefeiiing to a fiaction of Jose Gorostizas
poem Beath Without Enu
The Nagual woman hanueu me the book anu I ieau the pait that uon
Juan anu uon Genaro hau always likeu
Oh what blinu joy
What hungei to use up
the aii that we bieathe
the mouth the eye the hanu
What biting itch
to spenu absolutely all of ouiselves
in one single buist of laughtei
Oh this impuuent insulting ueath
that assassinates us fiom afai
ovei the pleasuie that we take in uying
foi a cup of tea
foi a faint caiess
The setting foi the poem was oveipoweiing I felt a shivei
Emilito anu the couiiei Juan Tuma came to my siue At fiist they uiu
not say a woiu Theii eyes weie shining like black maibles All theii
feelings seemeu to be focuseu in theii eyes
Then the couiiei Juan Tuma saiu veiy softly that once he hau
usheieu me into the mysteiies of Mescalito at his house anu that that
hau been a foieiunnei of anothei occasion in the wheel of time when he
woulu ushei me into the ultimate mysteiy
Emilito saiu as if his voice weie an echo of the couiiei Juan Tumas
that both of them weie confiuent that I was going to fulfill my task They
woulu be waiting because foi I woulu join them someuay
The couiiei Juan Tuma auueu that the Eagle hau put me with the
Nagual Juan Matus paity as my iescue unit They embiaceu me again
anu whispeieu in unison that I shoulu tiust myself
Aftei the couiieis the female waiiiois came to me Each one huggeu
me anu whispeieu a wish in my eai a wish of plenituue anu fulfillment
The Nagual woman came to me last She sat uown anu helu me in hei
lap as if I weie a chilu She exuueu affection anu puiity I was bieathless
We stoou up anu walkeu aiounu the ioom We talkeu about anu
ponueieu oui fate Foices impossible to fathom hau guiueu us to that
culminating moment The awe that I felt was immeasuiable Anu so was
my sauness
She then ievealeu a poition of the iule that applies to the thiee
piongeu Nagual She was in a state of ultimate agitation anu yet she was
calm Bei intellect was peeiless anu yet she was not tiying to ieason
anything out
Bei last uay on eaith oveiwhelmeu hei She filleu me with hei moou
It was as if up to that moment I hau not quite iealizeu the finality of oui
situation Being on my left siue entaileu that the piimacy of the
immeuiate took pieceuence which maue it piactically impossible foi me
to foiesee beyonu that moment
Bowevei the impact of hei moou engageu a gieat ueal of my iight
siue awaieness anu its capacity to piejuuge feelings that aie to come I
iealizeu that I woulu nevei again see hei That was unbeaiable
Bon Juan hau tolu me that on the left siue theie aie no teais that a
waiiioi can no longei weep anu that the only expiession of anguish is a
shivei that comes fiom the veiy uepths of the univeise It is as if one of
the Eagles emanations is anguish The waiiiois shivei is infinite
As the Nagual woman talkeu to me anu helu me I felt that shivei
She put hei aims aiounu my neck anu piesseu hei heau against mine
I thought she was wiinging me like a piece of cloth I felt something
coming out of my bouy oi out of heis into mine Ny anguish was so
intense anu it flooueu me so fast that I went beiseik I fell to the flooi
with the Nagual woman still embiacing me I thought as if in a uieam
that I must have gasheu hei foieheau in oui fall Bei face anu mine weie
coveieu with bloou Bloou hau pooleu in hei eyes
Bon Juan anu uon Genaro veiy swiftly lifteu me up They helu me I
was having uncontainable spasms like seizuies
The female waiiiois suiiounueu the Nagual woman Then they stoou
in a iow in the miuule of the ioom The men joineu them In one moment
theie was an unueniable chain of eneigy going between them
The iow moveu anu paiaueu in fiont of me Each one of them came
foi a moment anu stoou in fiont of me but without bieaking the iow It
was as if they weie moving on a conveyoi that tianspoiteu them anu
maue each of them stop in fiont of me
The male couiieis went by fiist then the female couiieis then the
male waiiiois then the uieameis the stalkers anu finally the Nagual
woman They went by me anu iemaineu in full view foi a seconu oi two
long enough to say gooubye anu then they uisappeaieu into the
blackness of the mysteiious slit that hau appeaieu in the ioom
Bon Juan piesseu my back anu ielieveu some of my unbeaiable
anguish Be saiu that he unueistoou my pain anu that the affinity of the
Nagual man anu the Nagual woman is not something that can be
foimulateu It exists as a iesult of the emanations of the Eagle 0nce the
two people aie put togethei anu aie sepaiateu theie is no way to fill the
emptiness because it is not social emptiness but a movement of those
emanations
Bon Juan tolu me then that he was going to make me shift to my
extieme iight Be saiu that it was a meiciful although tempoiaiy
maneuvei It woulu allow me to foiget foi the time being but it woulu not
soothe me when I iemembeieu
Bon Juan also tolu me that the act of iemembeiing is thoioughly
incompiehensible In actuality it is the act of iemembeiing oneself which
uoes not stop at iecollecting the inteiaction waiiiois peifoim in theii left
siue awaieness but goes on to iecollect eveiy memoiy that the luminous
bouy has stoieu fiom the moment of biith
The systematic inteiaction waiiiois go thiough in states of
heighteneu consciousness is only a uevice to entice the othei self to
ieveal itself in teims of memoiies This act of iemembeiing although it
seems to be only associateu with waiiiois is something that is within the
iealm of eveiy human being Eveiy one of us can go uiiectly to the
memoiies of oui luminosity with unfathomable iesults
Bon Juan saiu then that that uay they woulu leave at uusk anu that
the only thing they still hau to uo foi me was to cieate an opening an
inteiiuption in the continuum of my time
They weie going to make me jump into an abyss as a means of
inteiiupting the Eagles emanation that accounts foi my feeling that I am
whole anu continuous The jump was going to be uone while I was in a
state of noimal awaieness anu the iuea was that my seconu attention
woulu take ovei
Rathei than uying at the bottom of the abyss I woulu entei fully into
the othei self Bon Juan saiu that I woulu eventually come out of the
othei self once my eneigy was exhausteu but I woulu not come out on
the same mountaintop fiom wheie I was going to jump Be pieuicteu that
I woulu emeige at my favoiite spot wheievei it might be This woulu be
the inteiiuption in the continuum of my time
Be then pusheu me completely out of my left siue awaieness Anu I
foigot my anguish my puipose anu my task
At uusk that afteinoon Pablito Nestoi anu I uiu jump off a piecipice
The Naguals blow hau been so accuiate anu so meiciful that nothing of
the momentous event of theii faiewell tianscenueu beyonu the limits of
the othei momentous event of jumping to ceitain ueath anu not uying
Aweinspiiing as that event was it was pale in compaiison to what was
taking place in anothei iealm
Bon Juan maue me jump at the piecise moment when he anu all of
his waiiiois hau kinuleu theii awaieness I hau a uieamlike vision of a
iow of people looking at me Afteiwaius I iationalizeu it as just one of a
long seiies of visions oi hallucinations I hau hau upon jumping This was
the meagei inteipietation of my iight siue awaieness oveiwhelmeu by
the awesomeness of the total event
0n my left siue howevei I iealizeu that I hau enteieu into the othei
self anu this entiance hau hau nothing to uo with my iationality The
waiiiois of uon Juans paity hau caught me foi an eteinal instant befoie
they vanisheu into the total light befoie the Eagle let them go thiough
I knew that they weie in a iange of the Eagles emanations which was
beyonu my ieach They weie waiting foi uon Juan anu uon Genaro I saw
uon Juan taking the leau Anu then theie was only a line of exquisite
lights in the sky Something like a winu seemeu to make the clustei of
lights contiact anu wiiggle Theie was a massive glow on one enu of the
line of lights wheie uon Juan was I thought of the plumeu seipent of the
Toltec legenu Anu then the lights weie gone
The Eagles uift The Enu
Carlos Castaneda The Eagles uift Book Stait
veision
The Eagles uift by Carlos Castaneda
HTML EBIT0R
The powei that goveins the uestiny of all living beings is calleu the
Eagle not because it is an eagle oi has anything to uo with an eagle but
because it appeais to the eye of the seei as an immeasuiable jetblack
eagle stanuing eiect as an eagle stanus its height ieaching to infinity
ENB HTML EBIT0R
Contents
o Piologue
Pait one The 0thei Self o The Fixation of the Seconu Attention o
Seeing Togethei o Quasi Nemoiies of the 0thei Self o Ciossing
the Bounuaiies of Affection o A Boiue of Angiy Soiceieis
Pait two The Ait of Bieaming o Losing the Buman Foim o
Bieaming Togethei o The Right anu the Left Siue Awaieness
Pait thiee The Eagles uift o The Rule of the Nagual o The
Naguals Paity of Waiiiois o The Nagual Woman o The Not
Boings of Silvio Manuel o The Intiicacies of Bieaming o
Florinda o The Plumeu Seipent
Carlos Castaneda The Fiie Fiom Within Book Stait
veision
The Fiie Fiom Within by Carlos Castaneda
Something was giabbing the euge of the miiioi as if fiom the insiue
of the glass as if the glass suiface weie an open winuow anu something
oi somebouy weie just climbing thiough it
Bon Juan anu I fought uespeiately The louu thiashing continueu
uniemittingly like an enoimous fish in oui baie hanus A stiange shape
was actually tiying to climb up thiough the miiioi
I vacillateu a seconu anu the miiioi flew out of my hanus
uiab it uiab it Bon Juan yelleu
A vision of the soiceieis woilu that is full of minuspinning
implications in the Castanedian tiauition 0niteu Piess Inteinational
Bis stoiies of intiation into the woilu of magic anu soiceiy can be
both shocking anu teiiifying The Fiie Fiom Within will facinate you
The Nashville Tennessean
0ne cant exaggeiate the significance of what Castaneda has uone
The New Yoik Times
BACK C0vER
Each of Carlos Castanedas books is a biilliant anu tantalizing buist
of illumination into the uepths of oui ueepest mysteiies like a suuuen
flash of light like a buist of lightning ovei the ueseit at night which
shows us a woilu that is both alien anu totally familiai the lanuscape of
oui uieams
TBE FIRE FR0N WITBIN is the authois most biilliant thought
piovoking anu unusual book one in which Castaneda unuei the tutelage
of uon Juan anu his uisciples at last constiucts fiom the teachings of
uon Juan anu his own expeiiences a stunning poitiait of the soiceieis
woilu that is ciystalcleai anu uizzying in its implications
Its impossible to view the woilu in quite the same way aftei ieauing
TBE FIRE FR0N WITBIN Chicago Tiibune
I want to expiess my aumiiation anu giatituue to a masteiful teachei
H Y L foi helping me iestoie my eneigy anu foi teaching me an
alteinative way to plentitude anu wellbeing CC
Contents
Foiewoiu
The New Seeis Petty Tyiants The Eagles Emanations
The ulow of Awaieness The Fiist Attention Inoiganic Beings
The Assemblage Point The Position of the Assemblage Point The
Shift Below uieat Banus of Emanations Stalking Intent anu the
Bieaming Position The Nagual }ulian The Eaiths Boost
The Rolling Foice The Beath Defiers The Nolu of Nan
The }ouiney of the Bieaming Bouy Bieaking the Baiiiei of
Peiception
Epilogue
Carlos Castaneda The Fiie Fiom Within Foiewoiu
veision
Foiewoiu
I have wiitten extensive uesciiptive accounts of my appientice
ielationship with a Nexican Inuian soiceiei uon Juan Matus Bue to the
foieignness of the concepts anu piactices uon Juan wanteu me to
unueistanu anu inteinalize I have hau no othei choice but to ienuei his
teachings in the foim of a naiiative a naiiative of what happeneu as it
happeneu
The oiganization of uon Juans instiuction was pieuicateu on the iuea
that man has two types of awaieness Be labeleu them the iight siue anu
the left siue Be uesciibeu the fiist as the state of noimal awaieness
necessaiy foi eveiyuay life The seconu he saiu was the mysteiious siue
of man the state of awaieness neeueu to function as soiceiei anu seei
Bon Juan uiviueu his instiuction accoiuingly into teachings foi the iight
siue anu teachings foi the left siue
Be conuucteu his teachings foi the iight siue when I was in my state
of noimal awaieness anu I have uesciibeu those teachings in all my
accounts In my state of noimal awaieness uon Juan tolu me that he was
a soiceiei Be even intiouuceu me to uon Genaro Flores whom he also
leu me to believe was anothei soiceiei Because of the natuie of oui
association I logically concluueu that they hau taken me as theii
soiceieis appientice
That appienticeship enueu with an incompiehensible act that both
uon Juan anu uon Genaro leu me to peifoim They hau me jump fiom
the top of a flat mountain into an abyss
I have uesciibeu in one of my accounts what took place on that
mountaintop The last uiama of uon Juans teachings foi the iight siue
was playeu theie by uon Juan himself uon Genaro two appientices
Pablito anu Nestoi anu me Pablito Nestoi anu I jumpeu fiom that
mountaintop into an abyss
Foi yeais afteiwaiu I thought that just my total tiust in uon Juan anu
uon Genaro hau been sufficient to obliteiate all my iational feais on
facing actual annihilation I know now that it wasnt so I know that the
seciet was in uon Juans teachings foi the left siue anu that it took
tiemenuous uiscipline anu peiseveiance foi uon Juan uon Genaro anu
theii companions to conuuct those teachings
It has taken me neaily ten yeais to iecollect what exactly took place
in his teachings foi the left siue that leu me to be so willing to peifoim
such an incompiehensible act as jumping into an abyss
It was in his teachings foi the left siue that uon Juan let on what he
uon Genaro anu theii companions weie ieally uoing to me anu who they
weie They weie not teaching me soiceiy but how to mastei thiee
aspects of an ancient knowleuge they possesseu awaieness stalking anu
intent Anu they weie not soiceieis they weie seeis Anu uon Juan was
not only a seei but also a nagual
Bon Juan hau alieauy explaineu to me in his teachings foi the iight
siue a gieat ueal about the nagual anu about seeing I hau unueistoou
seeing to be the capacity of human beings to enlaige theii peiceptual
fielu until they aie capable of assessing not only the outei appeaiances
but the essence of eveiything Be hau also explaineu that seeis see man
as a fielu of eneigy which looks like a luminous egg The majoiity of
people he saiu have theii fielus of eneigy uiviueu into two paits A few
men anu women have foui oi sometimes thiee paits Because these
people aie moie iesilient than the aveiage man they can become
naguals aftei leaining to see
In his teachings foi the left siue uon Juan explaineu to me the
intiicacies of seeing anu of being a nagual To be a nagual he saiu is
something moie complex anu faiieaching than being meiely a moie
iesilient man who has leaineu to see To be a nagual entails being a
leauei being a teachei anu a guiue
As a nagual uon Juan was the leauei of a gioup of seeis known as
the naguals paity which was composeu of eight female seeis Cecilia
Delia Hermelinda Carmela Nelida Florinda Zuleica anu Zoila
thiee male seeis Vicente Silvio Manuel anu Genaro anu foui couiieis
oi messengeis Emilito }ohn Tuma Marta anu Teresa
In auuition to leauing the naguals paity uon Juan also taught anu
guiueu a gioup of appientice seeis known as the new naguals paity It
consisteu of foui young men Pablito Nestoi Eligio anu Benigno along
with five women Soledad la Gorda Lidia Josefina anu Rosa I was the
nominal leauei of the new naguals paity togethei with the nagual
woman Caiol
In oiuei foi uon Juan to impait to me his teachings foi the left siue it
was necessaiy foi me to entei into a unique state of peiceptual claiity
known as heighteneu awaieness Thioughout the yeais of my association
with him he hau me iepeateuly shift into such a state by means of a blow
that he ueliveieu with the palm of his hanu on my uppei back
Bon Juan explaineu that in a state of heighteneu awaieness
appientices can behave almost as natuially as in eveiyuay life but can
biing theii minus to focus on anything with uncommon foice anu claiity
Yet an inheient quality of heighteneu awaieness is that it is not
susceptible to noimal iecall What tianspiies in such a state becomes
pait of the appientices eveiyuay awaieness only thiough a staggeiing
effoit of iecoveiy
Ny inteiaction with the naguals paity was an example of this
uifficulty of iecall With the exception of uon Genaro I hau contact with
them only when I was in a state of heighteneu awaieness Bence in my
noimal eveiyuay life I coulu not iemembei them not even as vague
chaiacteis in uieams The mannei in which I met with them eveiy time
was almost a iitual I woulu uiive to uon Genaros house in a small town
in the southein pait of Nexico Bon Juan woulu join us immeuiately anu
the thiee of us woulu then get busy with uon Juans teachings foi the
iight siue Aftei that uon Juan woulu make me change levels of
awaieness anu then we woulu uiive to a laigei neaiby town wheie he
anu the othei fifteen seeis weie living
Eveiy time I enteieu into heighteneu awaieness I coulu not cease
maiveling at the uiffeience between my two siues I always felt as if a veil
hau been lifteu fiom my eyes as if I hau been paitially blinu befoie anu
now I coulu see The fieeuom the sheei joy that useu to possess me on
those occasions cannot be compaieu with anything else I have evei
expeiienceu Yet at the same time theie was a fiightening feeling of
sauness anu longing that went hanu in hanu with that fieeuom anu joy
Bon Juan hau tolu me that theie is no completeness without sauness anu
longing foi without them theie is no sobiiety no kinuness Wisuom
without kinuness he saiu anu knowleuge without sobiiety aie useless
The oiganization of his teachings foi the left siue also iequiieu that
uon Juan togethei with some of his fellow seeis explain to me the thiee
facets of theii knowleuge the masteiy of awaieness the masteiy of
stalking anu the masteiy of intent
This woik ueals with the masteiy of awaieness which is pait of his
total set of teachings foi the left siue the set he useu in oiuei to piepaie
me foi peifoiming the astonishing act of jumping into an abyss
Bue to the fact that the expeiiences I naiiate heie took place in
heighteneu awaieness they cannot have the textuie of uaily life They aie
lacking in woiluly context although I have tiieu my best to supply it
without fictionalizing it In heighteneu awaieness one is minimally
conscious of the suiiounuings because ones total concentiation is taken
by the uetails of the action at hanu
In this case the action at hanu was natuially the eluciuation
eluciuation an act of explaining that seives to cleai up anu cast light on
of the masteiy of awaieness Bon Juan unueistoou the masteiy of
awaieness as being the moueinuay veision of an extiemely olu
tiauition which he calleu the tiauition of the ancient Toltec seeis
Although he felt that he was inextiicably linkeu to that olu tiauition
he consiueieu himself to be one of the seeis of a new cycle When I askeu
him once what the essential chaiactei of the seeis of the new cycle was
he saiu that they aie the waiiiois of total fieeuom that they aie such
masteis of awaieness stalking anu intent that they aie not caught by
ueath like the iest of moital men but choose the moment anu the way of
theii uepaituie fiom this woilu At that moment they aie consumeu by a
fiie fiom within anu vanish fiom the face of the eaith fiee as if they hau
nevei existeu
Carlos Castaneda The Fiie Fiom Within Chaptei
veision
The New Seeis
I hau aiiiveu in the city of Oaxaca in southein Nexico on my way to
the mountains to look foi uon Juan 0n my way out of town in the eaily
moining I hau the goou sense to uiive by the main squaie anu theie I
founu him sitting on his favoiite bench as if waiting foi me to go by
I joineu him Be tolu me that he was in the city on business that he
was staying at a local boaiuinghouse anu that I was welcome to stay with
him because he hau to iemain in town foi two moie uays We talkeu foi a
while about my activities anu pioblems in the acauemic woilu
As was customaiy with him he suuuenly hit me on my back when I
least expecteu it anu the blow shifteu me into a state of heighteneu
awaieness
We sat in silence foi a veiy long time I anxiously waiteu foi him to
begin talking yet when he uiu he caught me by suipiise
Ages befoie the Spaniaius came to Nexico he saiu theie weie
extiaoiuinaiy Toltec seeis men capable of inconceivable ueeus They
weie the last link in a chain of knowleuge that extenueu ovei thousanus
of yeais
The Toltec seeis weie extiaoiuinaiy men poweiful soiceieis
sombei uiiven men who uniaveleu mysteiies anu possesseu seciet
knowleuge that they useu to influence anu victimize people by fixating
the awaieness of theii victims on whatevei they chose
Be stoppeu talking anu lookeu at me intently I felt that he was
waiting foi me to ask a question but I uiu not know what to ask
I have to emphasize an impoitant fact he continueu the fact that
those soiceieis knew how to fixate the awaieness of theii victims You
didnt pick up on that When I mentioneu it it didnt mean anything to
you Thats not suipiising 0ne of the haiuest things to acknowleuge is
that awaieness can be manipulateu
I felt confuseu I knew that he was leauing me towaiu something I felt
a familiai appiehension the same feeling I hau whenevei he began a new
iounu of his teachings
I tolu him how I felt Be smileu vaguely 0sually when he smileu he
exuueu happiness This time he was uefinitely pieoccupieu Be seemeu to
consiuei foi a moment whethei oi not to go on talking Be staieu at me
intently again slowly moving his gaze ovei the entiie length of my bouy
Then appaiently satisfieu he nouueu anu saiu that I was ieauy foi my
final exeicise something that all waiiiois go thiough befoie consiueiing
themselves fit to be on theii own I was moie mystifieu than evei
We aie going to be talking about awaieness he continueu The
Toltec seeis knew the ait of hanuling awaieness As a mattei of fact they
weie the supieme masteis of that ait When I say that they knew how to
fixate the awaieness of theii victims I mean that theii seciet knowleuge
anu seciet piactices alloweu them to piy open the mysteiy of being
awaie Enough of theii piactices have suiviveu to this uay but
foitunately in a mouifieu foim I say foitunately because those activities
as I will explain uiu not leau the ancient Toltec seeis to fieeuom but to
theii uoom
Bo you know those piactices youiself I askeu
Why ceitainly he ieplieu Theie is no way foi us not to know
those techniques but that doesnt mean that we piactice them ouiselves
We have othei views We belong to a new cycle
But you uont consiuei youiself a soiceiei uon Juan uo you I
askeu
No I uont he saiu I am a waiiioi who sees In fact all of us aie los
nuevos videntes the new seeis The olu seeis weie the soiceieis
Foi the aveiage man he continueu soiceiy is a negative business
but it is fascinating all the same Thats why I encouiageu you in youi
noimal awaieness to think of us as soiceieis Its auvisable to uo so It
seives to attiact inteiest But foi us to be soiceieis woulu be like
enteiing a ueauenu stieet
I wanteu to know what he meant by that but he iefuseu to talk about
it Be saiu that he woulu elaboiate on the subject as he pioceeueu with
his explanation of awaieness
I askeu him then about the oiigin of the Toltecs knowleuge
The way the Toltecs fiist staiteu on the path of knowleuge was by
eating powei plants he ieplieu Whethei piompteu by cuiiosity oi
hungei oi eiioi they ate them 0nce the powei plants hau piouuceu
theii effects on them it was only a mattei of time befoie some of them
began to analyze theii expeiiences In my opinion the fiist men on the
path of knowleuge weie veiy uaiing but veiy mistaken
Isnt all this a conjectuie conjectuie a hypothesis that has been
foimeu by speculating baseu on incomplete eviuence on youi pait uon
Juan
No this is no conjectuie of mine I am a seei anu when I focus my
seeing on that time I know eveiything that took place
Can you see the uetails of things of the past I askeu
Seeing is a peculiai feeling of knowing he ieplieu of knowing
something without a shauow of uoubt In this case I know what those
men uiu not only because of my seeing but because we aie so closely
bounu togethei
Bon Juan explaineu then that his use of the teim Toltec uiu not
coiiesponu to what I unueistoou it to mean To me it meant a cultuie the
Toltec Empiie To him the teim Toltec meant man of knowleuge
Be saiu that in the time he was iefeiiing to centuiies oi peihaps even
millennia befoie the Spanish Conquest all such men of knowleuge liveu
within a vast geogiaphical aiea noith anu south of the valley of Nexico
anu weie employeu in specific lines of woik cuiing bewitching
stoiytelling uancing being an oiacle piepaiing foou anu uiink Those
lines of woik fosteieu specific wisuom wisuom that uistinguisheu them
fiom aveiage men These Toltecs moieovei weie also people who fitteu
into the stiuctuie of eveiyuay life veiy much as uoctois aitists teacheis
piiests anu meichants in oui own time uo They piacticeu theii
piofessions unuei the stiict contiol of oiganizeu biotheihoous anu
became pioficient anu influential to such an extent that they even
uominateu gioups of people who liveu outsiue the Toltecs geogiaphical
iegions
Bon Juan saiu that aftei centuiies of uealing with powei plants some
of these men hau finally leaineu to see The most enteipiising of them
then began to teach othei men of knowleuge how to see Anu that was
the beginning of theii enu As time passeu the numbei of seeis incieaseu
but theii obsession with what they saw which filleu them with ieveience
anu feai became so intense that they ceaseu to be men of knowleuge
They became extiaoiuinaiily pioficient in seeing anu coulu exeit gieat
contiol ovei the stiange woilus they weie witnessing But it was to no
avail Seeing hau unueimineu theii stiength anu foiceu them to be
obsesseu with what they saw
Theie weie seeis howevei who escapeu that fate uon Juan
continueu gieat men who in spite of theii seeing nevei ceaseu to be
men of knowleuge Some of them enueavoieu to use seeing positively
anu to teach it to theii fellow men Im convinceu that unuei theii
uiiection the populations of entiie cities went into othei woilus anu
nevei came back
But the seeis who coulu only see weie fiascos anu when the lanu
wheie they liveu was invaueu by a conqueiing people they weie as
uefenseless as eveiyone else
Those conqueiois he went on took ovei the Toltec woilu They
appiopiiateu eveiything but they nevei leaineu to see
Why uo you think they nevei leaineu to see I askeu
Because they copieu the pioceuuies of the Toltec seeis without
having the Toltecs innei knowleuge To this uay theie aie scoies of
soiceieis all ovei Nexico uescenuants of those conqueiois who follow
the Toltec ways but uont know what theyre uoing oi what theyre
talking about because theyre not seeis
Who weie those conqueiois uon Juan
0thei Inuians he saiu When the Spaniaius came the olu seeis hau
been gone foi centuiies but theie was a new bieeu of seeis who weie
staiting to secuie theii place in a new cycle
What uo you mean a new bieeu of seeis
Aftei the woilu of the fiist Toltecs was uestioyeu the suiviving
seeis ietieateu anu began a seiious examination of theii piactices The
fiist thing they uiu was to establish stalking uieaming anu intent as the
key pioceuuies anu to deemphasize the use of powei plants peihaps
that gives us a hint as to what ieally happeneu to them with powei
plants
The new cycle was just beginning to take holu when the Spanish
conqueiois swept the lanu Foitunately by that time the new seeis weie
thoioughly piepaieu to face that uangei They weie alieauy consummate
piactitioneis of the ait of stalking
Bon Juan saiu that the subsequent centuiies of subjugation pioviueu
foi these new seeis the iueal ciicumstances in which to peifect theii
skills 0uuly enough it was the extieme iigoi anu coeicion of that peiiou
that gave them the impetus to iefine theii new piinciples Anu owing to
the fact that they nevei uivulgeu theii activities they weie left alone to
map theii finuings
Weie theie a gieat many new seeis uuiing the Conquest I askeu
At the beginning theie weie Neai the enu theie weie only a hanuful
The iest hau been exteiminateu
What about in oui uay uon Juan I askeu
Theie aie a few They aie scatteieu all ovei you unueistanu
Bo you know them I askeu
Such a simple question is the haiuest one to answei he ieplieu
Theie aie some we know veiy well But they aie not exactly like us
because they have concentiateu on othei specific aspects of knowleuge
such as uancing cuiing bewitching oi talking insteau of what the new
seeis iecommenu stalking uieaming anu intent Those who aie exactly
like us woulu not cioss oui path The seeis who liveu uuiing the
Conquest set it up that way so as to avoiu being exteiminateu in the
confiontation with the Spaniaius Each of those seeis founueu a lineage
Anu not all of them hau uescenuants so the lines aie few
Bo you know any who aie exactly like us I askeu
A few he ieplieu laconically
I askeu him then to give me all the infoimation he coulu foi I was
vitally inteiesteu in the topic To me it was of ciucial impoitance to know
names anu auuiesses foi puiposes of valiuation anu coiioboiation
Bon Juan uiu not seem inclineu to oblige me
The new seeis went thiough that bit of coiioboiation he saiu Balf
of them left theii bones in the coiioboiating ioom So now they aie
solitaiy biius Lets leave it that way All we can talk about is oui line
About that you anu I can say as much as we please
Be explaineu that all the lines of seeis weie staiteu at the same time
anu in the same fashion Aiounu the enu of the sixteenth centuiy eveiy
nagual uelibeiately isolateu himself anu his gioup of seeis fiom any
oveit contact with othei seeis The consequence of that uiastic
segiegation he saiu was the foimation of the inuiviuual lineages 0ui
lineage consisteu of fouiteen naguals anu one hunuieu anu twentysix
seeis he saiu Some of those fouiteen naguals hau as few as seven seeis
with them otheis hau eleven anu some up to fifteen
Be tolu me that his teachei oi his benefactoi as he calleu him was
the nagual }ulian anu the one who came befoie }ulian was the nagual
Ellas I askeu him if he knew the names of all fouiteen naguals Be
nameu anu enumeiateu them foi me so I coulu leain who they weie Be
also saiu that he hau peisonally known the fifteen seeis who foimeu his
benefactois gioup anu that he hau also known his benefactois teachei
the nagual Elias anu the eleven seeis of his paity
Bon Juan assuieu me that oui line was quite exceptional because it
unueiwent a uiastic change in the yeai as a iesult of an outsiue
influence that came to beai on us anu inexoiably alteieu oui couise Be
uiu not want to uiscuss the event itself at the moment but he saiu that a
new beginning is counteu fiom that time anu that the eight naguals who
have iuleu the line since then aie consiueieu intiinsically uiffeient fiom
the six who pieceueu them
Bon Juan must have hau business to take caie of the next uay foi I
uiu not see him until aiounu noon In the meantime thiee of his
appientices hau come to town Pablito Nestoi anu la Gorda They weie
shopping foi tools anu mateiials foi Pablitos caipentiy business I
accompanieu them anu helpeu them to complete all theii eiianus Then
all of us went back to the boaiuinghouse
All foui of us weie sitting aiounu talking when uon Juan came into
my ioom Be announceu that we weie leaving aftei lunch but that befoie
we went to eat he still hau something to uiscuss with me in piivate Be
wanteu the two of us to take a stioll aiounu the main squaie anu then all
of us woulu meet at a iestauiant
Pablito anu Nestoi stoou up anu saiu that they hau some eiianus to
iun befoie meeting us La Gorda seemeu veiy uispleaseu
What aie you going to talk about she bluiteu out but quickly
iealizeu hei mistake anu giggleu
Bon Juan gave hei a stiange look but uiu not say anything
Encouiageu by his silence la Gorda pioposeu that we take hei along
She assuieu us that she woulu not bothei us in the least
Im suie you wont bothei us uon Juan saiu to hei but I ieally
uont want you to heai anything of what I have to say to him
La Gordas angei was veiy obvious She blusheu anu as uon Juan
anu I walkeu out of the ioom hei entiie face clouueu with anxiety anu
tension becoming instantly uistoiteu Bei mouth was open anu hei lips
weie uiy
La Gordas moou maue me veiy appiehensive I felt an actual
uiscomfoit I didnt say anything but uon Juan seemeu to notice my
feelings
You shoulu thank la Gorda uay anu night he saiu all of a suuuen
Shes helping you uestioy youi selfimpoitance Shes the petty tyiant in
youi life but you still havent caught on to that
We stiolleu aiounu the plaza until all my neivousness hau vanisheu
Then we sat uown on his favoiite bench again
The ancient seeis weie veiy foitunate inueeu uon Juan began
because they hau plenty of time to leain maivelous things Let me tell
you they knew wonueis that we cant even imagine touay
Who taught them all that I askeu
They leaineu eveiything by themselves thiough seeing he ieplieu
Nost of the things we know in oui lineage weie figuieu out by them The
new seeis coiiecteu the mistakes of the olu seeis but the basis of what
we know anu uo is lost in Toltec time
Be explaineu 0ne of the simplest anu yet most impoitant finuings
fiom the point of view of instiuction he saiu is the knowleuge that man
has two types of awaieness The olu seeis calleu them the iight anu the
left siue of man
The olu seeis figuieu out he went on that the best way to teach
theii knowleuge was to make theii appientices shift to theii left siue to a
state of heighteneu awaieness Real leaining takes place theie
veiy young chiluien weie given to the olu seeis as appientices uon
Juan continueu so that they wouldnt know any othei way of life Those
chiluien in tuin when they came of age took othei chiluien as
appientices Imagine the things they must have uncoveieu in theii shifts
to the left anu to the iight aftei centuiies of that kinu of concentiation
I iemaikeu how uisconceiting those shifts weie to me Be saiu that
my expeiience was similai to his own Bis benefactoi the nagual }ulian
hau cieateu a piofounu schism schism uivision into opposing factions
in him by making him shift back anu foith fiom one type of awaieness to
the othei Be saiu that the claiity anu fieeuom he expeiienceu in
heighteneu awaieness weie in total contiast to the iationalizations the
uefenses the angei anu the feai of his noimal state of awaieness
The olu seeis useu to cieate this polaiity to suit theii own paiticulai
puiposes with it they foiceu theii appientices to achieve the
concentiation neeueu to leain soiceiy techniques But the new seeis he
saiu use it to leau theii appientices to the conviction that theie aie
uniealizeu possibilities in man
The best effoit of the new seeis uon Juan continueu is theii
explanation of the mysteiy of awaieness They conuenseu it all into some
concepts anu actions which aie taught while the appientices aie in
heighteneu awaieness
Be saiu that the value of the new seeis methou of teaching is that it
takes auvantage of the fact that no one can iemembei anything that
happens while being in a state of heighteneu awaieness This inability to
iemembei sets up an almost insuimountable baiiiei foi waiiiois who
have to iecollect all the instiuction given to them if they aie to go on
0nly aftei yeais of stiuggle anu uiscipline can waiiiois iecollect theii
instiuction By then the concepts anu the pioceuuies that weie taught to
them have been inteinalizeu anu have thus acquiieu the foice the new
seeis meant them to have
veision
Petty Tyiants
Bon Juan uiu not uiscuss the masteiy of awaieness with me until
months latei We weie at that time in the house wheie the naguals paity
liveu
Lets go foi a walk uon Juan saiu to me placing his hanu on my
shouluei 0i bettei yet lets go to the towns squaie wheie theie aie a
lot of people anu sit uown anu talk
I was suipiiseu when he spoke to me as I hau been in the house foi a
couple of uays by then anu he hau not saiu so much as hello
As uon Juan anu I weie leaving the house la Gorda inteicepteu us
anu uemanueu that we take hei along She seemeu ueteimineu not to
take no foi an answei Bon Juan in a veiy stein voice tolu hei that he hau
to uiscuss something in piivate with me
Youre going to talk about me la Gorda saiu hei tone anu gestuies
betiaying both suspicion anu annoyance
Youre iight uon Juan ieplieu uiyly Be moveu past hei without
tuining to look at hei
I followeu him anu we walkeu in silence to the towns squaie When
we sat uown I askeu him what on eaith we woulu finu to uiscuss about la
Gorda I was still smaiting fiom hei look of menace when we left the
house
We have nothing to uiscuss about la Gorda oi anybouy else he
saiu I tolu hei that just to piovoke hei enoimous selfimpoitance Anu it
woikeu She is fuiious with us If I know hei by now she will have talkeu
to heiself long enough to have built up hei confiuence anu hei iighteous
inuignation at having been iefuseu anu maue to look like a fool I
wouldnt be suipiiseu if she baiges in on us heie at the paik bench
If were not going to talk about la Gorda what aie we going to
uiscuss I askeu
Were going to continue the uiscussion we staiteu in Oaxaca he
ieplieu To unueistanu the explanation of awaieness will iequiie youi
utmost effoit anu youi willingness to shift back anu foith between levels
of awaieness While we aie involveu in oui uiscussion I will uemanu
youi total concentiation anu patience
Balfcomplaining I tolu him that he hau maue me feel veiy
uncomfoitable by iefusing to talk to me foi the past two uays Be lookeu
at me anu aicheu his biows A smile playeu on his lips anu vanisheu I
iealizeu that he was letting me know I was no bettei than la Gorda
I was piovoking youi selfimpoitance he saiu with a fiown Self
impoitance is oui gieatest enemy Think about it What weakens us is
feeling offenueu by the ueeus anu misueeus of oui fellow men 0ui self
impoitance iequiies that we spenu most of oui lives offenueu by
someone
The new seeis iecommenueu that eveiy effoit shoulu be maue to
eiauicate selfimpoitance fiom the lives of waiiiois I have followeu that
iecommenuation anu much of my enueavois with you has been geaieu
to show you that without selfimpoitance we aie invulneiable
As I listeneu his eyes suuuenly became veiy shiny I was thinking to
myself that he seemeu to be on the veige of laughtei anu theie was no
ieason foi it when I was staitleu by an abiupt painful slap on the iight
siue of my face
I jumpeu up fiom the bench La Gorda was stanuing behinu me hei
hanu still iaiseu Bei face was flusheu with angei
Now you can say what you like about me anu with moie
justification she shouteu If you have anything to say howevei say it to
my face
Bei outbuist appeaieu to have exhausteu hei because she sat uown
on the cement anu began to weep Bon Juan was tiansfixeu with
inexpiessible glee I was fiozen with sheei fuiy La Gorda glaieu at me
anu then tuineu to uon Juan anu meekly tolu him that we hau no iight to
ciiticize hei
Bon Juan laugheu so haiu he uoubleu ovei almost to the giounu Be
couldnt even speak Be tiieu two oi thiee times to say something to me
then finally got up anu walkeu away his bouy still shaking with spasms
of laughtei
I was about to iun aftei him still gloweiing at la Gorda at that
moment I founu hei uespicable when something extiaoiuinaiy
happeneu to me I iealizeu what uon Juan hau founu so hilaiious La
Gorda anu I weie hoiienuously alike 0ui selfimpoitance was
monumental Ny suipiise anu fuiy at being slappeu weie just like la
Gordas feelings of angei anu suspicion Bon Juan was iight The buiuen
of selfimpoitance is a teiiible encumbiance
I ian aftei him then elateu the teais flowing uown my cheeks I
caught up with him anu tolu him what I hau iealizeu Bis eyes weie
shining with mischievousness anu uelight
What shoulu I uo about la Gorda I askeu
Nothing he ieplieu Realizations aie always peisonal
Be changeu the subject anu saiu that the omens weie telling us to
continue oui uiscussion back at his house eithei in a laige ioom with
comfoitable chaiis oi in the back patio which hau a ioofeu coiiiuoi
aiounu it Be saiu that whenevei he conuucteu his explanation insiue the
house those two aieas woulu be off limits to eveiyone else
We went back to the house Bon Juan tolu eveiyone what la Gorda
hau uone The uelight all the seeis showeu in taunting hei maue la
Gordas position extiemely uncomfoitable
Selfimpoitance cant be fought with niceties uon Juan commenteu
when I expiesseu my concein about la Gorda
Be then askeu eveiyone to leave the ioom We sat uown anu uon
Juan began his explanations
Be saiu that seeis olu anu new aie uiviueu into two categoiies The
fiist one is maue up of those who aie willing to exeicise selfiestiaint anu
can channel theii activities towaiu piagmatic goals which woulu benefit
othei seeis anu man in geneial The othei categoiy consists of those who
uont caie about selfrestiaint oi about any piagmatic goals It is the
consensus among seeis that the lattei have faileu to iesolve the pioblem
of selfimpoitance
Selfimpoitance is not something simple anu naive he explaineu
0n the one hanu it is the coie of eveiything that is goou in us anu on
the othei hanu the coie of eveiything that is iotten To get iiu of the self
impoitance that is iotten iequiies a masteipiece of stiategy Seeis
thiough the ages have given the highest piaise to those who have
accomplisheu it
I complaineu that the iuea of eiauicating selfimpoitance although
veiy appealing to me at times was ieally incompiehensible I tolu him
that I founu his uiiectives foi getting iiu of it so vague I coulu not follow
them
Ive saiu to you many times he saiu that in oiuei to follow the
path of knowleuge one has to be veiy imaginative You see in the path of
knowleuge nothing is as cleai as wed like it to be
Ny uiscomfoit maue me aigue that his aumonitions about self
impoitance ieminueu me of Catholic postulates postulates
piopositions that aie accepteu as tiue in oiuei to pioviue a basis foi
logical ieasoning Aftei a lifetime of being tolu about the evils of sin I hau
become callous
Waiiiois fight selfimpoitance as a mattei of stiategy not piinciple
he ieplieu Youi mistake is to unueistanu what I say in teims of
moiality
I see you as a highly moial man uon Juan I insisteu
Youve noticeu my impeccability thats all he saiu
Impeccability as well as getting iiu of selfimpoitance is too vague a
concept to be of any value to me I iemaikeu
Bon Juan chokeu with laughtei anu I challengeu him to explain
impeccability
Impeccability is nothing else but the piopei use of eneigy he saiu
Ny statements have no inkling of moiality Ive saveu eneigy anu that
makes me impeccable To unueistanu this you have to save enough
eneigy youiself
We weie quiet foi a long time I wanteu to think about what he hau
saiu Suuuenly he staiteu talking again
Waiiiois take stiategic inventoiies he saiu They list eveiything
they uo Then they ueciue which of those things can be changeu in oiuei
to allow themselves a iespite in teims of expenuing theii eneigy
I aigueu that theii list woulu have to incluue eveiything unuei the
sun Be patiently answeieu that the stiategic inventoiy he was talking
about coveieu only behavioial patteins that weie not essential to oui
suivival anu wellbeing
I jumpeu at the oppoitunity to point out that suivival anu wellbeing
weie categoiies that coulu be inteipieteu in enuless ways hence theie
was no way of agieeing what was oi was not essential to suivival anu
wellbeing
As I kept on talking I began to lose momentum Finally I stoppeu
because I iealizeu the futility of my aiguments
Bon Juan saiu then that in the stiategic inventoiies of waiiiois self
impoitance figuies as the activity that consumes the gieatest amount of
eneigy hence theii effoit to eiauicate it
0ne of the fiist conceins of waiiiois is to fiee that eneigy in oiuei to
face the unknown with it uon Juan went on The action of
rechanneling that eneigy is impeccability
Be saiu that the most effective stiategy was woikeu out by the seeis
of the Conquest the unquestionable masteis of stalking It consists of six
elements that inteiplay with one anothei Five of them aie calleu the
attiibutes of warriorship contiol uiscipline foibeaiance timing anu
will They peitain to the woilu of the waiiioi who is fighting to lose self
impoitance The sixth element which is peihaps the most impoitant of
all peitains to the outsiue woilu anu is calleu the petty tyiant
Be lookeu at me as if silently asking me whethei oi not I hau
unueistoou
Im ieally mystifieu I saiu You keep on saying that la Gorda is the
petty tyiant of my life }ust what is a petty tyiant
A petty tyiant is a toimentoi he ieplieu Someone who eithei
holus the powei of life anu ueath ovei waiiiois oi simply annoys them
to uistiaction
Bon Juan hau a beaming smile as he spoke to me Be saiu that the
new seeis uevelopeu theii own classification of petty tyiants Although
the concept is one of theii most seiious anu impoitant finuings the new
seeis hau a sense of humoi about it Be assuieu me that theie was a tinge
of malicious humoi in eveiy one of theii classifications because humoi
was the only means of counteiacting the compulsion of human
awaieness to take inventoiies anu to make cumbeisome classifications
The new seeis in accoiuance with theii piactice saw fit to heau theii
classification with the piimal souice of eneigy the one anu only iulei in
the univeise anu they calleu it simply the tyiant The iest of the uespots
anu authoritarians weie founu to be natuially infinitely below the
categoiy of the tyiant Compaieu to the souice of eveiything the most
feaisome anu tyiannical men aie buffoons Consequently they weie
classifieu as petty tyiants pinches tiranos
Be saiu that theie weie two subclasses of minoi petty tyiants The
fiist subclass consisteu of the petty tyiants who peisecute anu inflict
miseiy but without actually causing anybouys ueath They weie calleu
little petty tyiants pinches tiranitos The seconu consisteu of the petty
tyiants who aie only exaspeiating anu botheisome to no enu They weie
calleu smallfiy petty tyiants repinches tiranitos oi teensyweensy
petty tyiants pinches tiranitos chiquititos
I thought his classifications weie luuicious I was suie that he was
impiovising the Spanish teims I askeu him if that was so
Not at all he ieplieu with an amuseu expiession The new seeis
weie gieat ones foi classifications Genaro is uoubtless one of the
gieatest If youd obseive him caiefully youd iealize exactly how the
new seeis feel about theii classifications
Be laugheu upioaiiously at my confusion when I askeu him if he was
pulling my leg
I wouldnt uieam of uoing that he saiu smiling Genaro may uo
that but not I especially when I know how you feel about classifications
Its just that the new seeis weie teiiibly iiieveient
Be auueu that the little petty tyiants aie fuithei uiviueu into foui
categoiies one that toiments with biutality anu violence anothei that
uoes it by cieating unbeaiable appiehension thiough ueviousness
anothei which oppiesses with sauness anu the last which toiments by
making waiiiois iage
La Gorda is in a class of hei own he auueu She is an acting small
fiy petty tyiant She annoys you to pieces anu makes you iage She even
slaps you With all that she is teaching you uetachment
Thats not possible I piotesteu
You havent yet put togethei all the ingieuients of the new seeis
stiategy he saiu 0nce you uo that youll know how efficient anu clevei
is the uevice of using a petty tyiant I woulu ceitainly say that the
stiategy not only gets iiu of selfimpoitance it also piepaies waiiiois foi
the final iealization that impeccability is the only thing that counts in the
path of knowleuge
Be saiu that what the new seeis hau in minu was a ueauly maneuvei
in which the petty tyiant is like a mountain peak anu the attiibutes of
warriorship aie like climbeis who meet at the summit
0sually only foui attiibutes aie playeu he went on The fifth will
is always saveu foi an ultimate confiontation when waiiiois aie facing
the fiiing squau so to speak
Why is it uone that way
Because will belongs to anothei spheie the unknown The othei
foui belong to the known which is exactly wheie the petty tyiants aie
lougeu In fact what tuins human beings into petty tyiants is piecisely
the obsessive manipulation of the known
Bon Juan explaineu that the inteiplay of all the five attiibutes of
warriorship is uone only by seeis who aie also impeccable waiiiois anu
who have masteiy ovei will Such an inteiplay is a supieme maneuvei
that cannot be peifoimeu on the uaily human stage
Foui attiibutes aie all that is neeueu to ueal with the woist of petty
tyiants he continueu Pioviueu of couise that a petty tyiant has been
founu As I saiu the petty tyiant is the outsiue element the one we
cannot contiol anu the element that is peihaps the most impoitant of
them all Ny benefactoi useu to say that the waiiioi who stumbles on a
petty tyiant is a lucky one Be meant that youre foitunate if you come
upon one in youi path because if you uont you have to go out anu look
foi one
Be explaineu that one of the gieatest accomplishments of the seeis of
the Conquest was a constiuct he calleu the thiee phase piogiession By
unueistanuing the natuie of man they weie able to ieach the
incontestable conclusion that if seeis can holu theii own in facing petty
tyiants they can ceitainly face the unknown with impunity anu then
they can even stanu the piesence of the unknowable
The aveiage mans ieaction is to think that the oiuei of that
statement shoulu be ieveiseu he went on A seei who can holu his own
in the face of the unknown can ceitainly face petty tyiants But thats not
so What uestioyeu the supeib seeis of ancient times was that
assumption We know bettei now We know that nothing can tempei the
spiiit of a waiiioi as much as the challenge of uealing with impossible
people in positions of powei 0nly unuei those conuitions can waiiiois
acquiie the sobiiety anu seienity to stanu the piessuie of the
unknowable
I vocifeiously vocifeiously in an offensively louu mannei
uisagieeu with him I tolu him that in my opinion tyiants can only ienuei
theii victims helpless oi make them as biutal as they themselves aie I
pointeu out that countless stuuies hau been uone on the effects of
physical anu psychological toituie on such victims
The uiffeience is in something you just saiu he ietoiteu They aie
victims not waiiiois 0nce I felt just as you uo Ill tell you what maue me
change but fiist lets go back again to what I saiu about the Conquest
The seeis of that time couldnt have founu a bettei giounu The
Spaniaius weie the petty tyiants who testeu the seeis skills to the limit
Aftei uealing with the conqueiois the seeis weie capable of facing
anything They weie the lucky ones At that time theie weie petty tyiants
eveiywheie
Aftei all those maivelous yeais of abunuance things changeu a gieat
ueal Petty tyiants nevei again hau that scope It was only uuiing those
times that the petty tyiants authoiity was unlimiteu The peifect
ingieuient foi the making of a supeib seei is a petty tyiant with
unlimiteu pieiogatives
In oui times unfoitunately seeis have to go to extiemes to finu a
woithy one Nost of the time they have to be satisfieu with veiy small
fiy
Biu you finu a petty tyiant youiself uon Juan
I was lucky A kingsize one founu me At the time though I felt like
you I couldnt consiuei myself foitunate
Bon Juan saiu that his oiueal began a few weeks befoie he met his
benefactoi Be was baiely twenty yeais olu at the time Be hau gotten a
job at a sugai mill woiking as a laboiei Be hau always been veiy stiong
so it was easy foi him to get jobs that iequiieu muscle
0ne uay when he was moving some heavy sacks of sugai a woman
came by She was veiy well uiesseu anu seemeu to be a woman of
means She was peihaps in hei fifties uon Juan saiu anu veiy
uomineeiing She lookeu at uon Juan anu then spoke to the foieman anu
left Bon Juan was then appioacheu by the foieman who tolu him that
foi a fee he woulu iecommenu him foi a job in the bosss house Bon
Juan tolu the man that he hau no money The foieman smileu anu saiu
not to woiiy because he woulu have plenty on payuay Be patteu uon
Juans back anu assuieu him it was a gieat honoi to woik foi the boss
Bon Juan saiu that being a lowly ignoiant Inuian living hanuto
mouth not only uiu he believe eveiy woiu he thought a goou faiiy hau
toucheu him Be piomiseu to pay the foieman anything he wisheu The
foieman nameu a laige sum which hau to be paiu in installments
Immeuiately theieaftei the foieman himself took uon Juan to the
house which was quite a uistance fiom the town anu left him theie with
anothei foieman a huge sombei ugly man who askeu a lot of questions
Be wanteu to know about uon Juans family Bon Juan answeieu that he
didnt have any The man was so pleaseu that he even smileu thiough his
iotten teeth
Be piomiseu uon Juan that they woulu pay him plenty anu that he
woulu even be in a position to save money because he didnt have to
spenu any foi he was going to live anu eat in the house
The way the man laugheu was teiiifying Bon Juan knew that he hau
to escape immeuiately Be ian foi the gate but the man cut in fiont of
him with a ievolvei in his hanu Be cockeu it anu iammeu it into uon
Juans stomach
Youre heie to woik youiself to the bone he saiu Anu uont you
foiget it Be shoveu uon Juan aiounu with a billy club
Then he took him to the siue of the house anu aftei obseiving that he
woikeu his men eveiy uay fiom suniise to sunset without a bieak he put
uon Juan to woik uigging out two enoimous tiee stumps Be also tolu
uon Juan that if he evei tiieu to escape oi went to the authoiities he
woulu shoot him ueau anu that if uon Juan shoulu evei get away he
woulu sweai in couit that uon Juan hau tiieu to muiuei the boss
Youll woik heie until you uie he saiu Anothei Inuian will get
youi job then just as youre taking a ueau Inuians place
Bon Juan saiu that the house lookeu like a foitiess with aimeu men
with machetes eveiywheie So he got busy woiking anu tiieu not to think
about his pieuicament At the enu of the uay the man came back anu
kickeu him all the way to the kitchen because he uiu not like the uefiant
look in uon Juans eyes Be thieateneu to cut the tenuons of uon Juans
aims if he didnt obey him
In the kitchen an olu woman biought foou but uon Juan was so upset
anu afiaiu that he couldnt eat The olu woman auviseu him to eat as
much as he coulu Be hau to be stiong she saiu because his woik woulu
nevei enu She waineu him that the man who hau helu his job hau uieu
just a uay eailiei Be was too weak to woik anu hau fallen fiom a seconu
stoiy winuow
Bon Juan saiu that he woikeu at the bosss place foi thiee weeks anu
that the man bullieu him eveiy moment of eveiy uay Be maue him woik
unuei the most uangeious conuitions uoing the heaviest woik
imaginable unuei the constant thieat of his knife gun oi billy club Be
sent uon Juan uaily to the stables to clean the stalls while the neivous
stallions weie in them At the beginning of eveiy uay uon Juan thought it
woulu be his last one on eaith Anu suiviving meant only that he hau to
go thiough the same hell again the next uay
What piecipitateu the enu was uon Juans iequest to have some time
off The pietext was that he neeueu to go to town to pay the foieman of
the sugai mill the money that he oweu him The othei foieman ietoiteu
that uon Juan coulu not stop woiking not even foi a minute because he
was in uebt up to his eais just foi the piivilege of woiking theie
Bon Juan knew that he was uone foi Be unueistoou the mans
maneuveis Both he anu the othei foieman weie in cahoots to get lowly
Inuians fiom the mill woik them to ueath anu uiviue theii salaiies That
iealization angeieu him so intensely that he ian thiough the kitchen
scieaming anu got insiue the main house The foieman anu the othei
woikeis weie caught totally by suipiise Be ian out the fiont uooi anu
almost got away but the foieman caught up with him on the ioau anu
shot him in the chest Be left him foi ueau
Bon Juan saiu that it was not his uestiny to uie Bis benefactoi founu
him theie anu tenueu him until he got well
When I tolu my benefactoi the whole stoiy uon Juan saiu he coulu
haiuly contain his excitement
That foieman is ieally a piize my benefactoi saiu Be is too goou
to be wasteu Someuay you must go back to that house
Be iaveu about my luck in finuing a one in a million petty tyiant
with almost unlimiteu powei I thought the olu man was nuts It was
yeais befoie I fully unueistoou what he was talking about
That is one of the most hoiiible stoiies I have evei heaiu I saiu
Biu you ieally go back to that house
I ceitainly uiu thiee yeais latei Ny benefactoi was iight A petty
tyiant like that one was one in a million anu couldnt be wasteu
Bow uiu you manage to go back
Ny benefactoi uevelopeu a stiategy using the foui attiibutes of
warriorship contiol uiscipline foibeaiance anu timing
Bon Juan saiu that his benefactoi in explaining to him what he hau to
uo to piofit fiom facing that ogie of a man also tolu him what the new
seeis consiueieu to be the foui steps on the path of knowleuge
The fiist step is the uecision to become appientices Aftei the
appientices change theii views about themselves anu the woilu they
take the seconu step anu become waiiiois which is to say beings
capable of the utmost uiscipline anu contiol ovei themselves The thiiu
step aftei acquiiing foibeaiance anu timing is to become men of
knowleuge When men of knowleuge leain to see they have taken the
fouith step anu have become seeis
Bis benefactoi stiesseu the fact that uon Juan hau been on the path of
knowleuge long enough to have acquiieu a minimum of the fiist two
attiibutes contiol anu uiscipline Bon Juan emphasizeu that both of
these attiibutes iefei to an innei state A waiiioi is selfoiienteu not in a
selfish way but in the sense of a total anu continuous examination of the
self
At that time I was baiieu fiom the othei two attiibutes uon Juan
went on Foibeaiance anu timing aie not quite an innei state They aie
in the uomain of the man of knowleuge Ny benefactoi showeu them to
me thiough his stiategy
Boes this mean that you couldnt have faceu the petty tyiant by
youiself I askeu
Im suie that I coulu have uone it myself although I have always
uoubteu that I woulu have caiiieu it off with flaii anu joyfulness Ny
benefactoi was simply enjoying the encountei by uiiecting it The iuea of
using a petty tyiant is not only foi peifecting the waiiiois spiiit but also
foi enjoyment anu happiness
Bow coulu anyone enjoy the monstei you uesciibeu
Be was nothing in compaiison to the ieal monsteis that the new
seeis faceu uuiing the Conquest By all inuications those seeis enjoyeu
themselves blue uealing with them They pioveu that even the woist
tyiants can biing uelight pioviueu of couise that one is a waiiioi
Bon Juan explaineu that the mistake aveiage men make in
confionting petty tyiants is not to have a stiategy to fall back on The
fatal flaw is that aveiage men take themselves too seiiously Theii
actions anu feelings as well as those of the petty tyiants aie all
impoitant
Waiiiois on the othei hanu not only have a well thought out
stiategy but aie fiee fiom selfimpoitance What iestiains theii self
impoitance is that they have unueistoou that ieality is an inteipietation
we make That knowleuge was the uefinitive auvantage that the new
seeis hau ovei the simpleminueu Spaniaius
Be saiu that he became convinceu he coulu uefeat the foieman using
only the single iealization that petty tyiants take themselves with ueauly
seiiousness while waiiiois uo not
Following his benefactois stiategic plan theiefoie uon Juan got a
job in the same sugai mill as befoie Nobouy iemembeieu that he hau
woikeu theie in the past Peons came to that sugai mill anu left it
without leaving a tiace
Bis benefactois stiategy specifieu that uon Juan hau to be solicitous
of whoevei came to look foi anothei victim As it happeneu the same
woman came anu spotteu him as she hau uone yeais ago This time he
was physically even stiongei than befoie
The same ioutine took place The stiategy howevei calleu foi
iefusing payment to the foieman fiom the outset The man hau nevei
been tuineu uown anu was taken aback Be thieateneu to fiie uon Juan
fiom the job Bon Juan thieateneu him back saying that he woulu go
uiiectly to the lauys house anu see hei
Bon Juan knew that the woman who was the wife of the ownei of the
mill uiu not know what the two foiemen weie up to Be tolu the foieman
that he knew wheie she liveu because he hau woikeu in the suiiounuing
fielus cutting sugai cane The man began to haggle anu uon Juan
uemanueu money fiom him befoie he woulu accept going to the lauys
house The foieman gave in anu hanueu him a few bills Bon Juan was
peifectly awaie that the foiemans acquiescence was just a iuse to get
him to go to the house
Be himself once again took me to the house uon Juan saiu It was
an olu hacienua owneu by the people of the sugai mill iich men who
eithei knew what was going on anu didnt caie oi weie too inuiffeient
even to notice
As soon as we got theie I ian into the house to look foi the lauy I
founu hei anu uioppeu to my knees anu kisseu hei hanu to thank hei
The two foiemen weie liviu
The foieman at the house followeu the same pattein as befoie But I
hau the piopei equipment to ueal with him I hau contiol uiscipline
foibeaiance anu timing It tuineu out as my benefactoi hau planneu it
Ny contiol maue me fulfill the mans most asinine uemanus What
usually exhausts us in a situation like that is the weai anu teai on oui
selfimpoitance Any man who has an iota of piiue is iippeu apait by
being maue to feel woithless
I glauly uiu eveiything he askeu of me I was joyful anu stiong anu I
didnt give a fig about my piiue oi my feai I was theie as an impeccable
waiiioi To tune the spiiit when someone is tiampling on you is calleu
contiol
Bon Juan explaineu that his benefactois stiategy iequiieu that
insteau of feeling soiiy foi himself as he hau uone befoie he immeuiately
go to woik mapping the mans stiong points his weaknesses anu his
quiiks of behavioi
Be founu that the foiemans stiongest points weie his violent natuie
anu his uaiing Be hau shot uon Juan in bioau uaylight anu in sight of
scoies of onlookeis Bis gieat weakness was that he likeu his job anu uiu
not want to enuangei it 0nuei no ciicumstances coulu he attempt to kill
uon Juan insiue the compounu in the uaytime Bis othei weakness was
that he was a family man Be hau a wife anu chiluien who liveu in a shack
neai the house
To gathei all this infoimation while they aie beating you up is calleu
uiscipline uon Juan saiu The man was a iegulai fienu Be hau no
saving giace Accoiuing to the new seeis a peifect petty tyiant has no
ieueeming featuie
Bon Juan saiu that the othei two attiibutes of warriorship
foibeaiance anu timing which he uiu not yet have hau been
automatically incluueu in his benefactois stiategy Foibeaiance is to
wait patiently no iush no anxiety a simple joyful holuing back of what
is uue
I gioveleu uaily uon Juan continueu sometimes ciying unuei the
mans whip Anu yet I was happy Ny benefactois stiategy was what
maue me go fiom uay to uay without hating the mans guts I was a
waiiioi I knew that I was waiting anu I knew what I was waiting foi
Right theie is the gieat joy of warriorship
Be auueu that his benefactois stiategy calleu foi a systematic
haiassment of the man by taking covei with a highei oiuei just as the
seeis of the new cycle hau uone uuiing the Conquest by shieluing
themselves with the Catholic chuich A lowly piiest was sometimes moie
poweiful than a nobleman
Bon Juans shielu was the lauy who got him the job Be kneeleu in
fiont of hei anu calleu hei a saint eveiy time he saw hei Be beggeu hei
to give him the meuallion of hei pation saint so he coulu piay to him foi
hei health anu wellbeing
She gave me one uon Juan went on anu that iattleu the foieman
to pieces Anu when I got the seivants to piay at night he neaily hau a
heait attack I think he ueciueu then to kill me Be couldnt affoiu to let
me go on
As a counteimeasuie I oiganizeu a iosaiy among all the seivants of
the house The lauy thought I hau the makings of a most pious man
I didnt sleep sounuly aftei that noi uiu I sleep in my beu I climbeu
to the ioof eveiy night Fiom theie I saw the man twice looking foi me in
the miuule of the night with muiuei in his eyes
Baily he shoveu me into the stallions stalls hoping that I woulu be
ciusheu to ueath but I hau a plank of heavy boaius that I biaceu against
one of the coineis anu piotecteu myself behinu it The man nevei knew
because he was nauseateu by the hoises anothei of his weaknesses the
ueauliest of all as things tuineu out
Bon Juan saiu that timing is the quality that goveins the ielease of all
that is helu back Contiol uiscipline anu foibeaiance aie like a uam
behinu which eveiything is pooleu Timing is the gate in the uam
The man knew only the violence with which he teiioiizeu If his
violence was neutializeu he was ienueieu neaily helpless Bon Juan
knew that the man woulu not uaie to kill him in view of the house so one
uay in the piesence of the othei woikeis but in sight of his lauy as well
uon Juan insulteu the man Be calleu him a cowaiu who was moitally
afiaiu of the bosss wife
Bis benefactois stiategy hau calleu foi being on the aleit foi a
moment like that anu using it to tuin the tables on the petty tyiant
0nexpecteu things always happen that way The lowest of the slaves
suuuenly makes fun of the tyiant taunts him makes him feel iiuiculous
in fiont of significant witnesses anu then iushes away without giving the
tyiant time to ietaliate
A moment latei the man went ciazy with iage but I was alieauy
solicitously kneeling in fiont of the lauy he continueu
Bon Juan saiu that when the lauy went insiue the house the man anu
his fiienus calleu him to the back allegeuly to uo some woik The man
was veiy pale white with angei Fiom the sounu of his voice uon Juan
knew what the man was ieally planning to uo Bon Juan pietenueu to
acquiesce but insteau of heauing foi the back he ian foi the stables Be
tiusteu that the hoises woulu make such a iacket that the owneis woulu
come out to see what was wiong Be knew that the man woulu not uaie
shoot him That woulu have been too noisy anu the mans feai of
enuangeiing his job was too oveipoweiing Bon Juan also knew that the
man woulu not go wheie the hoises weie that is unless he hau been
pusheu beyonu his enuuiance
I jumpeu insiue the stall of the wiluest stallion uon Juan saiu anu
the petty tyiant blinueu by iage took out his knife anu jumpeu in aftei
me I went instantly behinu my planks The hoise kickeu him once anu it
was all ovei
I hau spent six months in that house anu in that peiiou of time I hau
exeiciseu the foui attiibutes of warriorship Thanks to them I hau
succeeueu Not once hau I felt soiiy foi myself oi wept in impotence I
hau been joyful anu seiene Ny contiol anu uiscipline weie as keen as
theyd evei been anu I hau hau a fiisthanu view of what foibeaiance anu
timing uiu foi impeccable waiiiois Anu I hau not once wisheu the man
to uie
Ny benefactoi explaineu something veiy inteiesting Foibeaiance
means holuing back with the spiiit something that the waiiioi knows is
iightfully uue It doesnt mean that a waiiioi goes aiounu plotting to uo
anybouy mischief oi planning to settle past scoies Foibeaiance is
something inuepenuent As long as the waiiioi has contiol uiscipline
anu timing foibeaiance assuies giving whatevei is uue to whoevei
ueseives it
Bo petty tyiants sometimes win anu uestioy the waiiioi facing
them I askeu
0f couise Theie was a time when waiiiois uieu like flies at the
beginning of the Conquest Theii ianks weie uecimateu The petty
tyiants coulu put anyone to ueath simply acting on a whim 0nuei that
kinu of piessuie seeis ieacheu sublime states
Bon Juan saiu that that was the time when the suiviving seeis hau to
exeit themselves to the limit to finu new ways
The new seeis useu petty tyiants uon Juan saiu staiing at me
fixeuly not only to get iiu of theii selfimpoitance but to accomplish the
veiy sophisticateu maneuvei of moving themselves out of this woilu
Youll unueistanu that maneuvei as we keep on uiscussing the masteiy
of awaieness
I explaineu to uon Juan that what I hau wanteu to know was whethei
in the piesent in oui times the petty tyiants he hau calleu small fiy
coulu evei uefeat a waiiioi
All the time he ieplieu The consequences arent as uiie as those
in the iemote past Touay it goes without saying that waiiiois always
have a chance to iecupeiate oi to ietiieve anu come back latei But theie
is anothei siue to this pioblem To be uefeateu by a smallfiy petty tyiant
is not ueauly but uevastating The uegiee of moitality in a figuiative
sense is almost as high By that I mean that waiiiois who succumb to a
smallfiy petty tyiant aie obliteiateu by theii own sense of failuie anu
unwoithiness That spells high moitality to me
Bow uo you measuie uefeat
Anyone who joins the petty tyiant is uefeateu To act in angei
without contiol anu uiscipline to have no foibeaiance is to be uefeateu
What happens aftei waiiiois aie uefeateu
They eithei iegioup themselves oi they abanuon the quest foi
knowleuge anu join the ianks of the petty tyiants foi life
veision
The Eagles Emanations
The next uay uon Juan anu I went foi a walk along the ioau to the
city of Oaxaca The ioau was ueseiteu at that houi It was pm
As we stiolleu leisuiely uon Juan suuuenly began to talk Be saiu that
oui uiscussion about the petty tyiants hau been meiely an intiouuction
to the topic of awaieness I iemaikeu that it hau openeu a new view foi
me Be askeu me to explain what I meant
I tolu him that it hau to uo with an aigument we hau hau some yeais
befoie about the Yaqui Inuians In the couise of his teachings foi the iight
siue he hau tiieu to tell me about the auvantages that the Yaquis coulu
finu in being oppiesseu I hau passionately aigueu that theie weie no
possible auvantages in the wietcheu conuitions in which they liveu Anu I
hau tolu him that I coulu not unueistanu how being a Yaqui himself he
uiu not ieact against such a flagiant injustice
Be hau listeneu attentively Then when I was suie he was going to
uefenu his point he agieeu that the conuitions of the Yaqui Inuians weie
inueeu wietcheu But he pointeu out that it was useless to single out the
Yaquis when life conuitions of man in geneial weie hoiienuous
Bont just feel soiiy foi the pooi Yaqui Inuians he hau saiu Feel
soiiy foi mankinu In the case of the Yaqui Inuians I can even say theyre
the lucky ones They aie oppiesseu anu because of that some of them
may come out tiiumphant in the enu But the oppiessois the petty
tyiants that tieau upon them they uont have a chance in hell
I hau immeuiately answeieu him with a baiiage of political slogans I
hau not unueistoou his point at all Be again tiieu to explain to me the
concept of petty tyiants but the whole iuea bypasseu me It was only
now that eveiything fit into place
Nothing has fit into place yet he saiu laughing at what I hau tolu
him Tomoiiow when you aie in youi noimal state of awaieness you
wont even iemembei what youve iealizeu now
I felt utteily uepiesseu foi I knew he was iight
Whats going to happen to you is what happeneu to me he
continueu Ny benefactoi the nagual }ulian maue me iealize in
heighteneu awaieness what you have iealizeu youiself about petty
tyiants Anu I enueu up in my uaily life changing my opinions without
knowing why
I hau always been oppiesseu so I hau ieal venom towaiu my
oppiessois imagine my suipiise when I founu myself seeking the
company of petty tyiants I thought I hau lost my minu
We came to a place on the siue of the ioau wheie some laige boulueis
weie half buiieu by an olu lanusliue Bon Juan heaueu foi them anu sat
uown on a flat iock Be signaleu me to sit uown facing him Anu then
without fuithei pieliminaiies he staiteu his explanation of the masteiy
of awaieness
Be saiu that theie weie a seiies of tiuths that seeis olu anu new hau
uiscoveieu about awaieness anu that such tiuths hau been aiiangeu in a
specific sequence foi puiposes of compiehension
Be explaineu that the masteiy of awaieness consisteu in inteinalizing
the total sequence of such tiuths The fiist tiuth he saiu was that oui
familiaiity with the woilu we peiceive compels us to believe that we aie
suiiounueu by objects existing by themselves anu as themselves just as
we peiceive them wheieas in fact theie is no woilu of objects but a
univeise of the Eagles emanations
Be tolu me then that befoie he coulu explain the Eagles emanations
he hau to talk about the known the unknown anu the unknowable Nost
of the tiuths about awaieness weie uiscoveieu by the olu seeis he saiu
But the oiuei in which they weie aiiangeu hau been woikeu out by the
new seeis Anu without that oiuei those tiuths weie neaily
incompiehensible
Be saiu that not to seek oiuei was one of the gieat mistakes that the
ancient seeis maue A ueauly consequence of that mistake was theii
assumption that the unknown anu the unknowable aie the same thing It
was up to the new seeis to coiiect that eiioi They set up bounuaiies anu
uefineu the unknown as something that is veileu fiom man shiouueu
peihaps by a teiiifying context but which nonetheless is within mans
ieach The unknown becomes the known at a given time The
unknowable on the othei hanu is the inuesciibable the unthinkable anu
the unrealizable It is something that will nevei be known to us anu yet
it is theie uazzling anu at the same time hoiiifying in its vastness
Bow can seeis make the uistinction between the two I askeu
Theie is a simple iule of thumb he saiu In the face of the
unknown man is auventuious It is a quality of the unknown to give us a
sense of hope anu happiness Nan feels iobust exhilaiateu Even the
appiehension that it aiouses is veiy fulfilling The new seeis saw that
man is at his best in the face of the unknown
Be saiu that whenevei what is taken to be the unknown tuins out to
be the unknowable the iesults aie uisastious Seeis feel uiaineu
confuseu A teiiible oppiession takes possession of them Theii bouies
lose tone theii ieasoning anu sobiiety wanuei away aimlessly Foi the
unknowable has no eneigizing effects whatsoevei It is not within human
ieach theiefoie it shoulu not be intiuueu upon foolishly oi even
piuuently The new seeis iealizeu that they hau to be piepaieu to pay
exoibitant piices foi the faintest contact with it
Bon Juan explaineu that the new seeis hau hau foimiuable baiiieis
of tiauition to oveicome At the time when the new cycle began none of
them knew foi ceitain which pioceuuies of theii immense tiauition weie
the iight ones anu which weie not 0bviously something hau gone wiong
with the ancient seeis but the new seeis uiu not know what They began
by assuming that eveiything theii pieuecessois hau uone was eiioneous
Those ancient seeis hau been the masteis of conjectuie They hau foi
one thing assumeu that theii pioficiency in seeing was a safeguaiu They
thought that they weie untouchable that is until the invaueis smasheu
them anu put most of them to hoiienuous ueaths The ancient seeis hau
no piotection whatsoevei uespite theii total ceitainty that they weie
invulneiable
The new seeis uiu not waste theii time in speculations about what
went wiong Insteau they began to map the unknown in oiuei to
sepaiate it fiom the unknowable
Bow uiu they map the unknown uon Juan I askeu
Thiough the contiolleu use of seeing he ieplieu
I saiu that what I hau meant to ask was what was entaileu in mapping
the unknown
Be answeieu that mapping the unknown means making it available to
oui peiception By steauily piacticing seeing the new seeis founu that
the unknown anu the known aie ieally on the same footing because both
aie within the ieach of human peiception Seeis in fact can leave the
known at a given moment anu entei into the unknown
Whatevei is beyonu oui capacity to peiceive is the unknowable Anu
the uistinction between it anu the knowable is ciucial Confusing the two
woulu put seeis in a most piecaiious position whenevei they aie
confionteu with the unknowable
When this happeneu to the ancient seeis uon Juan went on they
thought theii pioceuuies hau gone haywiie It nevei occuiieu to them
that most of whats out theie is beyonu oui compiehension It was a
teiiifying eiioi of juugment on theii pait foi which they paiu ueaily
What happeneu aftei the uistinction between the unknown anu the
unknowable was iealizeu I askeu
The new cycle began he ieplieu That uistinction is the fiontiei
between the olu anu the new Eveiything that the new seeis have uone
stems fiom unueistanuing that uistinction
Bon Juan saiu that seeing was the ciucial element in both the
uestiuction of the ancient seeis woilu anu in the ieconstiuction of the
new view It was thiough seeing that the new seeis uiscoveieu ceitain
unueniable facts which they useu to aiiive at ceitain conclusions
ievolutionaiy to them about the natuie of man anu the woilu These
conclusions which maue the new cycle possible weie the tiuths about
awaieness he was explaining to me
Bon Juan askeu me to accompany him to the centei of town foi a
stioll aiounu the squaie 0n oui way we began to talk about machines
anu uelicate instiuments Be saiu that instiuments aie extensions of oui
senses anu I maintaineu that theie aie instiuments that aie not in that
categoiy because they peifoim functions that we aie not physiologically
capable of peifoiming
0ui senses aie capable of eveiything he asseiteu
I can tell you offhanu I saiu that theie aie instiuments that can
uetect iauio waves that come fiom outei space 0ui senses cannot uetect
iauio waves
I have a uiffeient iuea he saiu I think oui senses can uetect
eveiything we aie suiiounueu by
What about the case of ultiasonic sounus I insisteu We uont have
the oiganic equipment to heai them
It is the seeis conviction that weve tappeu a veiy small poition of
ouiselves he ieplieu
Be immeiseu himself in thought foi a while as if he weie tiying to
ueciue what to say next Then he smileu
The fiist tiuth about awaieness as I have alieauy tolu you he
began is that the woilu out theie is not ieally as we think it is We think
it is a woilu of objects anu its not
Be pauseu as if to measuie the effect of his woius I tolu him that I
agieeu with his piemise because eveiything coulu be ieuuceu to being a
fielu of eneigy Be saiu that I was meiely intuiting a tiuth anu that to
ieason it out was not to veiify it Be saiu he was not inteiesteu in my
agieement oi uisagieement but iathei in my attempt to compiehenu
what was involveu in that tiuth
You cannot witness fielus of eneigy he went on Not as an aveiage
man that is Now if you weie able to see them you woulu be a seei in
which case you woulu be explaining the tiuths about awaieness Bo you
unueistanu what I mean
Be went on to say that conclusions aiiiveu at thiough ieasoning hau
veiy little oi no influence in alteiing the couise of oui lives Bence the
countless examples of people who have the cleaiest convictions anu yet
act uiametiically against them time anu time again anu they have as the
only explanation foi theii behavioi the iuea that to eii is human
The fiist tiuth is that the woilu is as it looks anu yet it isnt he went
on Its not as soliu anu ieal as oui peiception has been leu to believe
But it isnt a miiage eithei The woilu is not an illusion as it has
been saiu to be Its ieal on the one hanu anu unieal on the othei Pay
close attention to this foi it must be unueistoou not just accepteu We
peiceive This is a haiu fact But what we peiceive is not a fact of the
same kinu because we leain what to peiceive
Something out theie is affecting oui senses This is the pait that is
ieal The unieal pait is what oui senses tell us is theie Take a mountain
foi instance 0ui senses tell us that it is an object It has size coloi foim
We even have categoiies of mountains anu they aie uowniight accuiate
Nothing wiong with that The flaw is simply that it has nevei occuiieu to
us that oui senses play only a supeificial iole 0ui senses peiceive the
way they uo because a specific featuie of oui awaieness foices them to
uo so
I began to agiee with him again but not because I wanteu to foi I hau
not quite unueistoou his point Rathei I was ieacting to a thieatening
situation Be maue me stop
Ive useu the teim the woilu uon Juan went on to mean
eveiything that suiiounus us I have a bettei teim of couise but it woulu
be quite incompiehensible to you Seeis say that we think theie is a
woilu of objects out theie only because of oui awaieness But whats
ieally out theie aie the Eagles emanations fluiu foievei in motion anu
yet unchangeu eteinal
Be stoppeu me with a gestuie of his hanu just as I was about to ask
him what the Eagles emanations weie Be explaineu that one of the most
uiamatic legacies the olu seeis hau left us was theii uiscoveiy that the
ieason foi the existence of all sentient beings is to enhance awaieness
Bon Juan calleu it a colossal uiscoveiy
In a halfseiious tone he askeu me if I knew of a bettei answei to the
question that has always haunteu man the ieason foi oui existence I
immeuiately took a uefensive position anu began to aigue about the
meaninglessness of the question because it cannot be logically answeieu
I tolu him that in oiuei to uiscuss that subject we woulu have to talk
about ieligious beliefs anu tuin it all into a mattei of faith
The olu seeis weie not just talking about faith he saiu Although
they weie not as piactical as the new seeis they weie piactical enough to
know what they weie seeing
What I was tiying to point out to you with that question which has
iattleu you so bauly is that oui iationality alone cannot come up with an
answei about the ieason foi oui existence Eveiy time it tiies the answei
tuins into a mattei of beliefs The olu seeis took anothei ioau anu they
uiu finu an answei which doesnt involve faith alone
Be saiu that the olu seeis iisking untolu uangeis actually saw the
inuesciibable foice which is the souice of all sentient beings They calleu
it the Eagle because in the few glimpses that they coulu sustain they saw
it as something that iesembleu a blackanuwhite eagle of infinite size
They saw that it is the Eagle who bestows awaieness The Eagle
cieates sentient beings so that they will live anu eniich the awaieness it
gives them with life They also saw that it is the Eagle who uevouis that
same eniicheu awaieness aftei making sentient beings ielinquish it at
the moment of ueath
Foi the olu seeis uon Juan went on to say that the ieason foi
existence is to enhance awaieness is not a mattei of faith oi ueuuction
They saw it
They saw that the awaieness of sentient beings flies away at the
moment of ueath anu floats like a luminous cotton puff iight into the
Eagles beak to be consumeu Foi the olu seeis that was the eviuence that
sentient beings live only to eniich the awaieness that is the Eagles foou
Bon Juans eluciuation was inteiiupteu because he hau to leave on a
shoit business tiip Nestoi uiove him to Oaxaca As I saw them off I
iemembeieu that at the beginning of my association with uon Juan
eveiy time he mentioneu a business tiip I thought he was employing a
euphemism foi something else
I eventually iealizeu that he meant what he saiu Whenevei such a
tiip was about to take place he woulu put on one of his many
immaculately tailoieu thieepiece suits anu woulu look like anything but
the olu Inuian I knew I hau commenteu to him about the sophistication
of his metamoiphosis
A nagual is someone flexible enough to be anything he hau saiu
To be a nagual among othei things means to have no points to uefenu
Remembei this well come back to it ovei anu ovei
We hau come back to it ovei anu ovei in eveiy possible way Be uiu
inueeu seem to have no points to uefenu but uuiing his absence in
Oaxaca I was given to just a shauow of uoubt Suuuenly I iealizeu that a
nagual uiu have one point to uefenu The uesciiption of the Eagle anu
what the Eagle uoes iequiieu in my opinion a passionate uefense
I tiieu to pose that question to some of uon Juans companions but
they eluueu my probings They tolu me that I was in quaiantine fiom
that kinu of uiscussion until uon Juan hau finisheu his explanation
The moment he ietuineu we sat uown to talk anu I askeu him about
it
Those tiuths aie not something to uefenu passionately he ieplieu
If you think that Im tiying to uefenu them you aie mistaken Those
tiuths weie put togethei foi the uelight anu enlightenment of waiiiois
not to engage any piopiietaiy sentiments When I tolu you that a nagual
has no points to uefenu I meant among othei things that a nagual has
no obsessions
I tolu him that I was not following his teachings foi I hau become
obsesseu with his uesciiption of the Eagle anu what it uoes I iemaikeu
ovei anu ovei about the awesomeness of such an iuea
It is not just an iuea he saiu It is a fact Anu a uain scaiy one if you
ask me The new seeis weie not simply playing with iueas
But what kinu of a foice woulu the Eagle be
I wouldnt know how to answei that The Eagle is as ieal foi the
seeis as giavity anu time aie foi you anu just as abstiact anu
incompiehensible
Wait a minute uon Juan Those aie abstiact concepts but they uo
iefei to ieal phenomena that can be coiioboiateu Theie aie whole
uisciplines ueuicateu to that
The Eagle anu its emanations aie equally corroboratable uon
Juan ietoiteu Anu the uiscipline of the new seeis is ueuicateu to uoing
just that
I askeu him to explain what the Eagles emanations aie
Be saiu that the Eagles emanations aie an immutable thinginitself
which engulfs eveiything that exists the knowable anu the unknowable
Theie is no way to uesciibe in woius what the Eagles emanations
ieally aie uon Juan continueu A seei must witness them
Bave you witnesseu them youiself uon Juan
0f couise I have anu yet I cant tell you what they aie They aie a
piesence almost a mass of soits a piessuie that cieates a uazzling
sensation 0ne can catch only a glimpse of them as one can catch only a
glimpse of the Eagle itself
Woulu you say uon Juan that the Eagle is the souice of the
emanations
It goes without saying that the Eagle is the souice of its emanations
I meant to ask if that is so visually
Theie is nothing visual about the Eagle The entiie bouy of a seei
senses the Eagle Theie is something in all of us that can make us witness
with oui entiie bouy Seeis explain the act of seeing the Eagle in veiy
simple teims because man is composeu of the Eagles emanations man
neeu only ieveit back to his components
The pioblem aiises with mans awaieness It is his awaieness that
becomes entangleu anu confuseu At the ciucial moment when it shoulu
be a simple case of the emanations acknowleuging themselves mans
awaieness is compelleu to inteipiet The iesult is a vision of the Eagle
anu the Eagles emanations But theie is no Eagle anu no Eagles
emanations What is out theie is something that no living cieatuie can
giasp
I askeu him if the souice of the emanations was calleu the Eagle
because eagles in geneial have impoitant attiibutes
This is simply the case of something unknowable vaguely iesembling
something known he ieplieu 0n account of that theie have ceitainly
been attempts to imbue eagles with attiibutes they uont have But that
always happens when impiessionable people leain to peifoim acts that
iequiie gieat sobiiety Seeis come in all sizes anu shapes
Bo you mean to say that theie aie uiffeient kinus of seeis
No I mean that theie aie scoies of imbeciles who become seeis
Seeis aie human beings full of foibles oi iathei human beings full of
foibles aie capable of becoming seeis }ust as in the case of miseiable
people who become supeib scientists
The chaiacteiistic of miseiable seeis is that they aie willing to foiget
the wonuei of the woilu They become oveiwhelmeu by the fact that they
see anu believe that its theii genius that counts A seei must be a
paiagon in oiuei to oveiiiue the neaily invincible laxness of oui human
conuition Noie impoitant than seeing itself is what seeis uo with what
they see
Look at what some seeis have uone to us We aie stuck with theii
vision of an Eagle that iules us anu uevouis us at the moment of oui
ueath
Be saiu that theie is a uefinite laxness in that veision anu that
peisonally he uiu not appieciate the iuea of something uevouiing us Foi
him it woulu be moie accuiate to say that theie is a foice that attiacts
oui consciousness much as a magnet attiacts iion shavings At the
moment of uying all of oui being uisintegiates unuei the attiaction of
that immense foice
That such an event was inteipieteu as the Eagle uevouiing us he
founu giotesque because it tuins an inuesciibable act into something as
munuane as eating
Im a veiy aveiage man I saiu The uesciiption of an Eagle that
uevouis us hau a gieat impact on me
The ieal impact cant be measuieu until the moment when you see it
youiself he saiu But you must beai in minu that oui flaws iemain with
us even aftei we become seeis So when you see that foice you may veiy
well agiee with the lax seeis who calleu it the Eagle as I uiu myself 0n
the othei hanu you may not You may iesist the temptation to asciibe
human attiibutes to what is incompiehensible anu actually impiovise a
new name foi it a moie accuiate one
Seeis who see the Eagles emanations often call them commanus
uon Juan saiu I wouldnt minu calling them commanus myself if I
hadnt got useu to calling them emanations It was a ieaction to my
benefactois piefeience foi him they weie commanus I thought that
teim was moie in keeping with his foiceful peisonality than with mine I
wanteu something impeisonal Commanus sounus too human to me but
thats what they ieally aie commanus
Bon Juan saiu that to see the Eagles emanations is to couit uisastei
The new seeis soon uiscoveieu the tiemenuous uifficulties involveu anu
only aftei gieat tiibulations in tiying to map the unknown anu sepaiate it
fiom the unknowable uiu they iealize that eveiything is maue out of the
Eagles emanations 0nly a small poition of those emanations is within
ieach of human awaieness anu that small poition is still fuithei ieuuceu
to a minute fiaction by the constiaints of oui uaily lives
That minute fiaction of the Eagles emanations is the known The
small poition within possible ieach of human awaieness is the unknown
The incalculable iest is the unknowable
Be went on to say that the new seeis being piagmatically oiienteu
became immeuiately cognizant of the compelling powei of the
emanations They iealizeu that all living cieatuies aie foiceu to employ
the Eagles emanations without evei knowing what they aie They also
iealizeu that oiganisms aie constiucteu to giasp a ceitain iange of those
emanations anu that eveiy species has a uefinite iange The emanations
exeit gieat piessuie on oiganisms anu thiough that piessuie oiganisms
constiuct theii peiceivable woilu
In oui case as human beings uon Juan saiu we employ those
emanations anu inteipiet them as ieality But what man senses is such a
small poition of the Eagles emanations that its iiuiculous to put much
stock in oui peiceptions anu yet it isnt possible foi us to uisiegaiu oui
peiceptions The new seeis founu this out the haiu way aftei couiting
tiemenuous uangeis
Bon Juan was sitting wheie he usually sat in the laige ioom
0iuinaiily theie was no fuinituie in that ioom people sat on mats on the
flooi but Caiol the nagual woman hau manageu to fuinish it with veiy
comfoitable aimchaiis foi the sessions when she anu I took tuins
ieauing to uon Juan fiom the woiks of Spanishspeaking poets
I want you to be veiy awaie of what we aie uoing he saiu as soon
as I sat uown We aie uiscussing the masteiy of awaieness The tiuths
were uiscussing aie the piinciples of that masteiy
Be auueu that in his teachings foi the iight siue he hau uemonstiateu
those piinciples to my noimal awaieness with the help of one of his seei
companions Genaro anu that Genaro hau playeu aiounu with my
awaieness with all the humoi anu iiieveience foi which the new seeis
weie known
Genaro is the one who shoulu be heie telling you about the Eagle
he saiu except that his veisions aie too iiieveient Be thinks that the
seeis who calleu that foice the Eagle weie eithei veiy stupiu oi weie
making a gianu joke because eagles not only lay eggs they also lay
turds
Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu that he founu Genaros comments so
appiopiiate that he couldnt iesist laughtei Be auueu that if the new
seeis hau been the ones to uesciibe the Eagle the uesciiption woulu
ceitainly have been maue half in fun
I tolu uon Juan that on one level I took the Eagle as a poetic image
anu as such it uelighteu me but on anothei level I took it liteially anu
that teiiifieu me
0ne of the gieatest foices in the lives of waiiiois is feai he saiu It
spuis them to leain
Be ieminueu me that the uesciiption of the Eagle came fiom the
ancient seeis The new seeis weie thiough with uesciiption compaiison
anu conjectuie of any soit They wanteu to get uiiectly to the souice of
things anu consequently iiskeu unlimiteu uangei to get to it
They uiu see the Eagles emanations but they nevei tampeieu with
the uesciiption of the Eagle They felt that it took too much eneigy to see
the Eagle anu that the ancient seeis hau alieauy paiu heavily foi theii
scant glimpse of the unknowable
Bow uiu the olu seeis come aiounu to uesciibing the Eagle I askeu
They neeueu a minimal set of guiuelines about the unknowable foi
puiposes of instiuction he ieplieu They iesolveu it with a sketchy
uesciiption of the foice that iules all theie is but not of its emanations
because the emanations cannot be ienueieu at all in a language of
compaiisons Inuiviuual seeis may feel the uige to make comments about
ceitain emanations but that will iemain peisonal In othei woius theie
is no pat veision of the emanations as theie is of the Eagle
The new seeis seem to have been veiy abstiact I commenteu
They sounu like moueinuay philosopheis
No The new seeis weie teiiibly piactical men he ieplieu They
werent involveu in concocting iational theoiies
Be saiu that the ancient seeis weie the ones who weie the abstiact
thinkeis They built monumental euifices of abstiactions piopei to them
anu theii time Anu just like the moueinuay philosopheis they weie not
at all in contiol of theii concatenations
The new seeis on the othei hanu imbueu with piacticality weie able
to see a flux of emanations anu to see how man anu othei living beings
utilize them to constiuct theii peiceivable woilu
Bow aie those emanations utilizeu by man uon Juan
Its so simple it sounus iuiotic Foi a seei men aie luminous beings
0ui luminosity is maue up of that poition of the Eagles emanations
which is encaseu in oui egglike cocoon That paiticulai poition that
hanuful of emanations that is encaseu is what makes us men To peiceive
is to match the emanations containeu insiue oui cocoon with those that
aie outsiue
Seeis can see foi instance the emanations insiue any living cieatuie
anu can tell which of the outsiue emanations woulu match them
Aie the emanations like beams of light I askeu
No Not at all That woulu be too simple They aie something
inuesciibable Anu yet my peisonal comment woulu be to say that they
aie like filaments of light
Whats incompiehensible to noimal awaieness is that the filaments
aie awaie I cant tell you what that means because I uont know what I
am saying All I can tell you with my peisonal comments is that the
filaments aie awaie of themselves alive anu vibiating that theie aie so
many of them that numbeis have no meaning anu that each of them is an
eteinity in itself
veision
The ulow of Awaieness
Bon Juan uon Genaro anu I hau just ietuineu fiom gatheiing plants
in the suiiounuing mountains We weie at uon Genaros house sitting
aiounu the table when uon Juan maue me change levels of awaieness
Bon Genaro hau been staiing at me anu began to chuckle Be iemaikeu
how ouu he thought it was that I hau two completely uiffeient stanuaius
foi uealing with the two siues of awaieness
Ny ielation with him was the most obvious example 0n my iight
siue he was the iespecteu anu feaieu soiceiei uon Genaro a man whose
incompiehensible acts uelighteu me anu at the same time filleu me with
moital teiioi 0n my left siue he was plain Genaro oi Genarito with no
uon attacheu to his name a chaiming anu kinu seei whose acts weie
thoioughly compiehensible anu coheient with what I myself uiu oi tiieu
to uo
I agieeu with him anu auueu that on my left siue the man whose
meie piesence maue me shake like a leaf was Silvio Manuel the most
mysteiious of uon Juans companions I also saiu that uon Juan being a
tiue nagual tianscenueu aibitiaiy stanuaius anu was iespecteu anu
aumiieu by me in both states
But is he feaieu Genaro askeu in a quiveiing voice
veiy feaieu uon Juan inteijecteu in a falsetto voice
We all laugheu but uon Juan anu Genaro laugheu with such abanuon
that I immeuiately suspecteu they knew something they weie holuing
back
Bon Juan was ieauing me like a book Be explaineu that in the
inteimeuiate stage befoie one enteis fully into the leftsiue awaieness
one is capable of tiemenuous concentiation but one is also susceptible
to eveiy conceivable influence I was being influenceu by suspicion
La Gorda is always in this stage he saiu She leains beautifully but
shes a ioyal pain in the neck She cant help being uiiven by anything
that comes hei way incluuing of coise veiy goou things like keen
concentiation
Bon Juan explaineu that the new seeis uiscoveieu that the tiansition
peiiou is the time when the ueepest leaining takes place anu that it is
also the time when waiiiois must be supeiviseu anu explanations must
be given to them so they can evaluate them piopeily If no explanations
aie given to them befoie they entei into the left siue they will be gieat
soiceieis but pooi seeis as the ancient Toltecs weie
Female waiiiois in paiticulai fall piey to the luie of the left siue he
saiu They aie so nimble that they can go into the left siue with no effoit
often too soon foi theii own goou
Aftei a long silence Genaro fell asleep Bon Juan began to speak Be
saiu that the new seeis hau hau to invent a numbei of teims in oiuei to
explain the seconu tiuth about awaieness Bis benefactoi hau changeu
some of those teims to suit himself anu he himself hau uone the same
guiueu by the seeis belief that it uoes not make any uiffeience what
teims aie useu as long as the tiuths have been veiifieu by seeing
I was cuiious to know what teims he hau changeu but I didnt know
quite how to woiu my question Be took it that I was uoubting his iight
oi his ability to change them anu explaineu that if the teims we piopose
oiiginate in oui ieason they can only communicate the munuane
agieement of eveiyuay life When seeis piopose a teim on the othei
hanu it is nevei a figuie of speech because it stems fiom seeing anu
embiaces eveiything that seeis can attain
I askeu him why he hau changeu the teims
Its a naguals uuty always to look foi bettei ways to explain he
ieplieu Time changes eveiything anu eveiy new nagual has to
incoipoiate new woius anu new iueas to uesciibe his seeing
Bo you mean that a nagual takes iueas fiom the woilu of eveiy uay
life I askeu
No I mean that a nagual talks about seeing in evei new ways he
saiu Foi instance as the new nagual youd have to say that awaieness
gives iise to peiception Youd be saying the same thing my benefactoi
saiu but in a uiffeient way
What uo the new seeis say peiception is uon Juan
They say that peiception is a conuition of alignment The emanations
insiue the cocoon become aligneu with those outsiue that fit them
Alignment is what allows awaieness to be cultivateu by eveiy living
cieatuie Seeis make these statements because they see living cieatuies
as they ieally aie luminous beings that look like bubbles of whitish
light
I askeu him how the emanations insiue the cocoon fit those outsiue so
as to accomplish peiception
The emanations insiue anu the emanations outsiue he saiu aie the
same filaments of light Sentient sentient consciously peiceiving
beings aie minute bubbles maue out of those filaments micioscopic
points of light attacheu to the infinite emanations
Be went on to explain that the luminosity of living beings is maue by
the paiticulai poition of the Eagles emanations they happen to have
insiue theii luminous cocoons When seeis see peiception they witness
that the luminosity of the Eagles emanations outsiue those cieatuies
cocoons biightens the luminosity of the emanations insiue theii cocoons
The outsiue luminosity attiacts the insiue one It tiaps it so to speak anu
fixes it That fixation is the awaieness of eveiy specific being
Seeis can also see how the emanations outsiue the cocoon exeit a
paiticulai piessuie on the poition of emanations insiue This piessuie
ueteimines the uegiee of awaieness that eveiy living being has
I askeu him to claiify how the Eagles emanations outsiue the cocoon
exeit piessuie on those insiue
The Eagles emanations aie moie than filaments of light he ieplieu
Each one of them is a souice of bounuless eneigy Think of it this way
Since some of the emanations outsiue the cocoon aie the same as the
emanations insiue theii eneigies aie like a continuous piessuie But the
cocoon isolates the emanations that aie insiue its web anu theieby
uiiects the piessuie
Ive mentioneu to you that the olu seeis weie masteis of the ait of
hanuling awaieness he went on What I can auu now is that they weie
the masteis of that ait because they leaineu to manipulate the stiuctuie
of mans cocoon Ive saiu to you that they uniaveleu the mysteiy of being
awaie By that I meant that they saw anu iealizeu that awaieness is a
glow in the cocoon of living beings They iightly calleu it the glow of
awaieness
Be explaineu that the olu seeis saw that mans awaieness is a glow of
ambei luminosity moie intense than the iest of the cocoon That glow is
on a naiiow veitical banu on the extieme iight siue of the cocoon
iunning along its entiie length The masteiy of the olu seeis was to move
that glow to make it spieau fiom its oiiginal setting on the suiface of the
cocoon inwaiu acioss its wiuth
Be stoppeu talking anu lookeu at Genaro who was still sounu asleep
Genaro doesnt give a fig about explanations he saiu Bes a uoei
Ny benefactoi pusheu him constantly to face insoluble pioblems So he
enteieu into the left siue piopei anu nevei hau a chance to ponuei anu
wonuei
Is it bettei to be that way uon Juan
It uepenus Foi him its peifect Foi you anu foi me it wouldnt be
satisfactoiy because in one way oi anothei we aie calleu upon to explain
Genaro oi my benefactoi aie moie like the olu than the new seeis They
can contiol anu uo what they want with the glow of awaieness
Be stoou up fiom the mat wheie we weie sitting anu stietcheu his
aims anu legs I piesseu him to continue talking Be smileu anu saiu that I
neeueu to iest that my concentiation was waning
Theie was a knock at the uooi I woke up It was uaik Foi a moment I
coulu not iemembei wheie I was Theie was something in me that was
fai away as if pait of me weie still asleep yet I was fully awake Enough
moonlight came thiough the open winuow so that I coulu see
I saw uon Genaro get up anu go to the uooi I iealizeu then that I was
at his house Bon Juan was sounu asleep on a mat on the flooi I hau the
uistinct impiession that the thiee of us hau fallen asleep aftei ietuining
ueau tiieu fiom a tiip to the mountains
Bon Genaro lit his keiosene lantein I followeu him into the kitchen
Someone hau biought him a pot of hot stew anu a stack of tortillas
Who biought you foou I askeu him Bo you have a woman aiounu
heie that cooks foi you
Bon Juan hau come into the kitchen Both of them lookeu at me
smiling Foi some ieason theii smiles weie teiiifying to me I was about
to scieam in teiioi in fact when uon Juan hit me on the back anu maue
me shift into a state of heighteneu awaieness I iealizeu then that
peihaps uuiing my sleep oi as I woke up I hau uiifteu back to eveiyuay
awaieness
The sensation I expeiienceu then once I was back in heighteneu
awaieness was a mixtuie of ielief anu angei anu the most acute sauness
I was ielieveu that I was myself again foi I hau come to iegaiu those
incompiehensible states as being my tiue self Theie was one simple
ieason foi that In those states I felt complete Nothing was missing fiom
me The angei anu the sauness weie a ieaction to impotence I was moie
awaie than evei of the limitations of my being
I askeu uon Juan to explain to me how it was possible foi me to uo
what I was uoing In states of heighteneu awaieness I coulu look back
anu iemembei eveiything about myself I coulu give an account of
eveiything I hau uone in eithei state I coulu even iemembei my
incapacity to iecollect
But once I hau ietuineu to my noimal eveiyuay level of awaieness I
coulu not iecall anything I hau uone in heighteneu awaieness even if my
life uepenueu on it
Bolu it holu it theie he saiu You havent iemembeieu anything
yet Beighteneu awaieness is only an inteimeuiate state Theie is
infinitely moie beyonu that anu you have been theie many many times
Right now you cant iemembei even if youi life uepenus on it
Be was iight I hau no iuea what he was talking about I pleaueu foi
an explanation
The explanation is coming he saiu Its a slow piocess but well get
to it It is slow because I am just like you I like to unueistanu I am the
opposite of my benefactoi who was not given to explaining Foi him
theie was only action Be useu to put us squaiely against
incompiehensible pioblems anu let us iesolve them foi ouiselves Some
of us nevei uiu iesolve anything anu we enueu up veiy much in the same
boat with the olu seeis all action anu no ieal knowleuge
Aie those memoiies tiappeu in my minu I askeu
No That woulu make it too simple he ieplieu The actions of seeis
aie moie complex than uiviuing a man into minu anu bouy You have
foigotten what youve uone oi what youve witnesseu because when
you weie peifoiming what youve foigotten you weie seeing
I askeu uon Juan to ieinteipiet what he hau just saiu
Patiently he explaineu that eveiything I hau foigotten hau taken
place in states in which my eveiyuay awaieness hau been enhanceu anu
intensifieu a conuition that meant that othei aieas of my total being
weie useu
Whatevei youve foigotten is tiappeu in those aieas of youi total
being he saiu To be using those othei aieas is to see
Im moie confuseu than evei uon Juan I saiu
I uont blame you he saiu Seeing is to lay baie the coie of
eveiything to witness the unknown anu to glimpse into the unknowable
As such it doesnt biing one solace Seeis oiuinaiily go to pieces on
finuing out that existence is incompiehensibly complex anu that oui
noimal awaieness maligns it with its limitations
Be ieiteiateu that my concentiation hau to be total that to
unueistanu was of ciucial impoitance that the new seeis placeu the
highest value on ueep unemotional iealizations
Foi instance the othei uay he went on when you unueistoou
about la Gordas anu youi selfimpoitance you didnt unueistanu
anything ieally You hau an emotional outbuist That was all I say this
because the next uay you weie back on youi high hoise of self
impoitance as if you nevei hau iealizeu anything
The same thing happeneu to the olu seeis They weie given to
emotional ieactions But when the time came foi them to unueistanu
what they hau seen they couldnt uo it To unueistanu one neeus
sobiiety not emotionality Bewaie of those who weep with iealization
foi they have iealizeu nothing
Theie aie untolu uangeis in the path of knowleuge foi those without
sobei unueistanuing he continueu I am outlining the oiuei in which
the new seeis aiiangeu the tiuths about awaieness so it will seive you as
a map a map that you have to coiioboiate with youi seeing but not with
youi eyes
Theie was a long pause Be staieu at me Be was uefinitely waiting
foi me to ask him a question
Eveiybouy falls piey to the mistake that seeing is uone with the
eyes he continueu But uont be suipiiseu that aftei so many yeais you
havent iealizeu yet that seeing is not a mattei of the eyes Its quite
noimal to make that mistake
What is seeing then I askeu
Be ieplieu that seeing is alignment Anu I ieminueu him that he hau
saiu that peiception is alignment Be explaineu then that the alignment of
emanations useu ioutinely is the peiception of the uaytouay woilu but
the alignment of emanations that aie nevei useu oiuinaiily is seeing
When such an alignment occuis one sees Seeing theiefoie being
piouuceu by alignment out of the oiuinaiy cannot be something one
coulu meiely look at Be saiu that in spite of the fact that I hau seen
countless times it hau not occuiieu to me to uisiegaiu my eyes I hau
succumbeu to the way seeing is labeleu anu uesciibeu
When seeis see something explains eveiything as the new
alignment takes place he continueu Its a voice that tells them in theii
eai whats what If that voice is not piesent what the seei is engageu in
isnt seeing
Aftei a moments pause he continueu explaining the voice of seeing
Be saiu that it was equally fallacious to say that seeing was heaiing
because it was infinitely moie than that but that seeis hau opteu foi
using sounu as a gauge of a new alignment
Be calleu the voice of seeing a most mysteiious inexplicable thing
Ny peisonal conclusion is that the voice of seeing belongs only to
man he saiu The voice may happen because talking is something that
no othei being besiues man talks
The olu seeis believeu it was the voice of an oveipoweiing entity
intimately ielateu to mankinu a piotectoi of man The new seeis founu
out that that entity which they calleu the molu of man doesnt have a
voice The voice of seeing foi the new seeis is something quite
incompiehensible They say its the glow of awaieness playing on the
Eagles emanations as a haipist plays on a haip
Be iefuseu to explain it any fuithei aiguing that latei on as he
pioceeueu with his explanation eveiything woulu become cleai to me
Ny concentiation hau been so total while uon Juan spoke that I
actually uiu not iemembei sitting uown at the table to eat When uon
Juan stoppeu talking I noticeu that his plate of stew was neaily finisheu
Genaro was staiing at me with a beaming smile Ny plate was in
fiont of me on the table anu it too was empty Theie was only a tiny
iesiuue of stew left in it as if I hau just finisheu eating I uiu not
iemembei eating it at all but neithei uiu I iemembei walking to the table
oi sitting uown
Biu you like the stew Genaro askeu me anu lookeu away
I saiu I uiu because I uiu not want to aumit that I was having
pioblems iecollecting
It hau too much chile foi my taste Genaro saiu You nevei eat hot
foou youiself so Im soit of woiiieu about what it will uo to you You
shouldnt have eaten two seivings I suppose youre a little moie piggish
when youre in heighteneu awaieness eh
I aumitteu that he was piobably iight Be hanueu me a laige pitchei
of watei to quench my thiist anu soothe my thioat When I eageily uiank
all of it both of them bioke into howling laughtei
Suuuenly I iealizeu what was going on Ny iealization was physical
It was a flash of yellowish light that hit me as if a match hau been stiuck
iight between my eyes I knew then that Genaro was joking I hau not
eaten I hau been so absoibeu in uon Juans explanation that I hau
foigotten about eveiything else The plate in fiont of me was Genaros
Aftei uinnei uon Juan went on with his explanation about the glow of
awaieness Genaro sat by me listening as if he hau nevei heaiu the
explanation befoie
Bon Juan saiu that the piessuie that the emanations outsiue the
cocoon which aie calleu emanations at laige exeit on the emanations
insiue the cocoon is the same in all sentient beings Yet the iesults of that
piessuie aie vastly uiffeient among them because theii cocoons ieact to
that piessuie in eveiy conceivable way Theie aie howevei uegiees of
unifoimity within ceitain bounuaiies
Now he went on when seeis see that the piessuie of the
emanations at laige beais uown on the emanations insiue which aie
always in motion anu makes them stop moving they know that the
luminous being at that moment is fixateu by awaieness
To say that the emanations at laige beai uown on those insiue the
cocoon anu make them stop moving means that seeis see something
inuesciibable the meaning of which they know without a shauow of
uoubt It means that the voice of seeing has tolu them that the
emanations insiue the cocoon aie completely at iest anu match some of
those which aie outsiue
Be saiu that seeis maintain natuially that awaieness always comes
fiom outsiue ouiselves that the ieal mysteiy is not insiue us Since by
natuie the emanations at laige aie maue to fixate what is insiue the
cocoon the tiick of awaieness is to let the fixating emanations meige
with what is insiue us Seeis believe that if we let that happen we become
what we ieally aie fluiu foievei in motion eteinal
Theie was a long pause Bon Juans eyes hau an intense shine They
seemeu to be looking at me fiom a gieat uepth I hau the feeling that each
of his eyes was an inuepenuent point of biilliance Foi an instant he
appeaieu to be stiuggling against an invisible foice a fiie fiom within
that intenueu to consume him It passeu anu he went on talking
The uegiee of awaieness of eveiy inuiviuual sentient being he
continueu uepenus on the uegiee to which it is capable of letting the
piessuie of the emanations at laige caiiy it
Aftei a long inteiiuption uon Juan continueu explaining Be saiu that
seeis saw that fiom the moment of conception awaieness is enhanceu
eniicheu by the piocess of being alive Be saiu that seeis saw foi
instance that the awaieness of an inuiviuual insect oi that of an
inuiviuual man giows fiom the moment of conception in astounuingly
uiffeient ways but with equal consistency
Is it fiom the moment of conception oi fiom the moment of biith
that awaieness uevelops I askeu
Awaieness uevelops fiom the moment of conception he ieplieu I
have always tolu you that sexual eneigy is something of ultimate
impoitance anu that it has to be contiolleu anu useu with gieat caie But
you have always iesenteu what I saiu because you thought I was
speaking of contiol in teims of moiality I always meant it in teims of
saving anu rechanneling eneigy
Bon Juan lookeu at Genaro Genaro nouueu his heau in appioval
Genaro is going to tell you what oui benefactoi the nagual }ulian
useu to say about saving anu rechanneling sexual eneigy uon Juan
saiu to me
The nagual }ulian useu to say that to have sex is a mattei of eneigy
Genaro began Foi instance he nevei hau any pioblems having sex
because he hau bushels of eneigy But he took one look at me anu
piesciibeu iight away that my petei was just foi peeing Be tolu me that I
didnt have enough eneigy to have sex Be saiu that my paients weie too
boieu anu too tiieu when they maue me Be saiu that I was the iesult of
veiy boiing sex cojida aburrida I was boin like that boieu anu tiieu
The nagual }ulian iecommenueu that people like me shoulu nevei have
sex This way we can stoie the little eneigy we have
Be saiu the same thing to Silvio Manuel anu to Emilito Be saw that
the otheis hau enough eneigy They weie not the iesult of boieu sex Be
tolu them that they coulu uo anything they wanteu with theii sexual
eneigy but he iecommenueu that they contiol themselves anu
unueistanu the Eagles commanu that sex is foi bestowing the glow of
awaieness We all saiu we hau unueistoou
0ne uay without any waining at all he openeu the cuitain of the
othei woilu with the help of his own benefactoi the nagual Elias anu
pusheu all of us insiue with no hesitation whatsoevei All of us except
Silvio Manuel neaily uieu in theie We hau no eneigy to withstanu the
impact of the othei woilu None of us except Silvio Manuel hau
followeu the naguals iecommenuation
What is the cuitain of the othei woilu I askeu uon Juan
What Genaro saiu It is a cuitain uon Juan ieplieu But youre
getting off the subject You always uo
Were talking about the Eagles commanu about sex It is the Eagles
commanu that sexual eneigy be useu foi cieating life Thiough sexual
eneigy the eagle bestows awaieness So when sentient beings aie
engageu in sexual inteicouise the emanations insiue theii cocoons uo
theii best to bestow awaieness to the new sentient being they aie
cieating
Bon Juan saiu that uuiing the sexual act the emanations encaseu
insiue the cocoon of both paitneis unueigo a piofounu agitation The
culminating point is a meiging a fusing of two pieces of the glow of
awaieness one fiom each paitnei that sepaiate fiom theii cocoons
Sexual inteicouise is always a bestowal of awaieness even though
the bestowal may not be consoliuateu uon Juan went on The
emanations insiue the cocoon of human beings uont know of inteicouise
foi fun
Genaro leaneu ovei towaiu me fiom his chaii acioss the table anu
talkeu to me in a low voice shaking his heau foi emphasis
The nagual is telling you the tiuth he saiu anu winkeu at me
Those emanations ieally uont know
Bon Juan fought not to laugh anu auueu that the fallacy of man is to
act with total uisiegaiu foi the mysteiy of existence anu to believe that
such a sublime act of bestowing life anu awaieness is meiely a physical
uiive that one can twist at will
Genaro maue obscene sexual gestuies twisting his pelvis aiounu on
anu on Bon Juan nouueu anu saiu that that was exactly what he meant
Genaro thankeu him foi acknowleuging his one anu only contiibution to
the explanation of awaieness
Both of them laugheu like iuiots saying that if I hau known how
seiious theii benefactoi was about the explanation of awaieness I woulu
be laughing with them
I eainestly askeu uon Juan what all this meant foi an aveiage man in
the uaytouay woilu
You mean what Genaro is uoing he askeu me in mock seiiousness
Theii glee was always contagious It took a long time foi them to calm
uown Theii level of eneigy was so high that next to them I seemeu olu
anu ueciepit
I ieally uont know uon Juan finally answeieu me All I know is
what it means to waiiiois They know that the only ieal eneigy we
possess is a lifebestowing sexual eneigy This knowleuge makes them
peimanently conscious of theii iesponsibility
If waiiiois want to have enough eneigy to see they must become
miseis with theii sexual eneigy That was the lesson the nagual }ulian
gave us Be pusheu us into the unknown anu we all neaily uieu Since
eveiyone of us wanteu to see we of couise abstaineu fiom wasting oui
glow of awaieness
I hau heaiu him voice that belief befoie Eveiy time he uiu we got into
an aigument I always felt compelleu to piotest anu iaise objections to
what I thought was a puiitanical attituue towaiu sex
I again iaiseu my objections Both of them laugheu to teais
What can be uone with mans natuial sensuality I askeu uon Juan
Nothing he ieplieu Theie is nothing wiong with mans sensuality
Its mans ignoiance of anu uisiegaiu foi his magical natuie that is
wiong Its a mistake to waste iecklessly the lifebestowing foice of sex
anu not have chiluien but its also a mistake not to know that in having
chiluien one taxes the glow of awaieness
Bow uo seeis know that having chiluien taxes the glow of
awaieness I askeu
They see that on having a chilu the paients glow of awaieness
uiminishes anu the chilus incieases In some supeisensitive fiail
paients the glow of awaieness almost uisappeais As chiluien enhance
theii awaieness a big uaik spot uevelops in the luminous cocoon of the
paients on the veiy place fiom which the glow was taken away It is
usually on the miusection of the cocoon Sometimes those spots can even
be seen supeiimposeu on the bouy itself
I askeu him if theie was anything that coulu be uone to give people a
moie balanceu unueistanuing of the glow of awaieness
Nothing he saiu At least theie is nothing that seeis can uo Seeis
aim to be fiee to be unbiaseu witnesses incapable of passing juugment
0theiwise they woulu have to assume the iesponsibility foi biinging
about a moie aujusteu cycle No one can uo that The new cycle if it is to
come must come of itself
veision
The Fiist Attention
The following uay we ate bieakfast at uawn Then uon Juan maue me
shift levels of awaieness
Touay lets go to an oiiginal setting uon Juan saiu to Genaro
By all means Genaro saiu giavely Be glanceu at me anu then
auueu in a low voice as if not wanting me to oveiheai him Boes he have
to peihaps its too much
In a mattei of seconus my feai anu suspicion escalateu to unbeaiable
heights I was sweating anu panting Bon Juan came to my siue anu with
an expiession of almost uncontiollable amusement he assuieu me that
Genaro was just enteitaining himself at my expense
Bon Juan saiu that we weie going to a place wheie the oiiginal seeis
hau liveu thousanus of yeais ago As uon Juan was speaking to me I
happeneu to glance at Genaro
Be slowly shook his heau fiom siue to siue It was an almost
impeiceptible gestuie as if he weie letting me know that uon Juan was
not telling the tiuth I went into a state of neivous fienzy neai hysteiia
anu stoppeu only when Genaro buist into laughtei
I maiveleu how easily my emotional states coulu escalate to neaily
unmanageable heights oi uiop to nothing
Bon Juan Genaro anu I left Genaros house in the eaily moining anu
tiaveleu a shoit uistance into the suiiounuing eioueu hills Piesently we
stoppeu anu sat uown on top of an enoimous flat iock on a giauual
slope in a coin fielu that seemeu to have been iecently haivesteu
This is the oiiginal setting uon Juan saiu to me Well come back
heie a couple of moie times uuiing the couise of my explanation
veiy weiiu things happen heie at night Genaro saiu The nagual
}ulian actually caught an ally heie 0i iathei the ally
Bon Juan maue a noticeable gestuie with his eyebiows anu Genaro
stoppeu in midsentence Be smileu at me
Its too eaily in the uay foi scaiy stoiies Genaro saiu Lets wait
until uaik
Be stoou up anu began cieeping all aiounu the iock tiptoeing with
his spine aicheu backwaiu
What was he saying about youi benefactois catching an ally heie I
askeu uon Juan
Be uiu not answei iight away Be was ecstatic watching Genaros
antics
Be was iefeiiing to some sophisticateu use of awaieness he finally
ieplieu still staiing at Genaro
Genaro completeu a ciicle aiounu the iock anu came back anu sat
uown by me Be was panting heavily almost wheezing out of bieath
Bon Juan seemeu fascinateu by what Genaro hau uone Again I hau
the feeling that they weie amusing themselves at my expense that both
of them weie up to something I knew nothing about
Suuuenly uon Juan began his explanation Bis voice sootheu me Be
saiu that aftei much toiling seeis aiiiveu at the conclusion that the
consciousness of auult human beings matuieu by the piocess of giowth
can no longei be calleu awaieness because it has been mouifieu into
something moie intense anu complex which seeis call attention
Bow uo seeis know that mans awaieness is being cultivateu anu
that it giows I askeu
Be saiu that at a given time in the giowth of human beings a banu of
the emanations insiue theii cocoons becomes veiy biight As human
beings accumulate expeiience it begins to glow In some instances the
glow of this banu of emanations incieases so uiamatically that it fuses
with the emanations fiom the outsiue Seeis witnessing an enhancement
of this kinu hau to suimise that awaieness is the iaw mateiial anu
attention the enu piouuct of matuiation
Bow uo seeis uesciibe attention I askeu
They say that attention is the hainessing anu enhancing of
awaieness thiough the piocess of being alive he ieplieu
Be saiu that the uangei of uefinitions is that they simplify matteis to
make them unueistanuable In this case in uefining attention one iuns
the iisk of tiansfoiming a magical miiaculous accomplishment into
something commonplace
Attention is mans gieatest single accomplishment It uevelops fiom
iaw animal awaieness until it coveis the entiie gamut of human
alteinatives Seeis peifect it even fuithei until it coveis the whole scope
of human possibilities
I wanteu to know if in the seeis view theie was a special significance
of oui noimal alteinatives veisus oui othei human possibilities
Bon Juan ieplieu that human alteinatives aie eveiything we aie
capable of choosing as peisons They have to uo with the level of oui uay
touay iange the known anu owing to that fact they aie quite limiteu in
numbei anu scope
Buman possibilities belong to the unknown They aie not what we
aie capable of choosing but what we aie capable of attaining
Be saiu that an example of human alteinatives is oui choice to believe
that the human bouy is an object among objects An example of human
possibilities is the seeis achievement in viewing man as an egglike
luminous being With the bouy as an object one tackles the known with
the bouy as a luminous egg one tackles the unknown Buman possibilities
have theiefoie neaily an inexhaustible scope
Seeis say that theie aie thiee types of attention uon Juan went on
When they say that they mean it just foi human beings not foi all the
sentient beings in existence But the thiee aie not just types of attention
they aie iathei thiee levels of attainment They aie the fiist seconu anu
thiiu attention each of them an inuepenuent uomain complete in itself
Be explaineu that the fiist attention in man is animal awaieness
which has been uevelopeu thiough the piocess of expeiience into a
complex intiicate anu extiemely fiagile faculty that takes caie of the
uaytouay woilu in all its innumeiable aspects In othei woius
eveiything that one can think about is pait of the fiist attention
The fiist attention is eveiything we aie as aveiage men he
continueu By viitue of such an absolute iule ovei oui lives the fiist
attention is the most valuable asset that the aveiage man has Peihaps it
is even oui only asset
Taking into account its tiue value the new seeis staiteu a iigoious
examination of the fiist attention thiough seeing Theii finuings molueu
theii total outlook anu the outlook of all theii uescenuants even though
most of theii uescenuants uo not unueistanu what those seeis ieally
saw
Be emphatically waineu me that the conclusions of the new seeis
iigoious examination hau veiy little to uo with ieason oi iationality
because in oiuei to examine anu explain the fiist attention one must see
it 0nly seeis can uo that
Yet to examine what seeis see in the fiist attention is essential It
allows the fiist attention the only oppoitunity it will evei have to iealize
its own woikings
In teims of what seeis see the fiist attention is the glow of
awaieness uevelopeu to an ultia shine he continueu But it is a glow
fixeu on the suiface of the cocoon so to speak It is a glow that coveis the
known
The seconu attention on the othei hanu is a moie complex anu
specializeu state of the glow of awaieness It has to uo with the unknown
It comes about when unuseu emanations insiue mans cocoon aie
utilizeu
The ieason I calleu the seconu attention specializeu is that in oiuei
to utilize those unuseu emanations one neeus uncommon elaboiate
tactics that iequiie supieme uiscipline anu concentiation
Be saiu that he hau tolu me befoie when he was teaching me the ait
of uieaming that the concentiation neeueu to be awaie that one is
having a uieam is the foieiunnei of the seconu attention That
concentiation is a foim of consciousness that is not in the same categoiy
as the consciousness neeueu to ueal with the uaily woilu
Be saiu that the seconu attention is also calleu the leftsiue
awaieness anu it is the vastest fielu that one can imagine so vast in fact
that it seems limitless
I wouldnt stiay into it foi anything in this woilu he went on It is
a quagmiie so complex anu bizaiie that sobei seeis go into it only unuei
the stiictest conuitions
The gieat uifficulty is that the entiance into the seconu attention is
utteily easy anu its luie is neaily iiiesistible
Be saiu that the olu seeis being the masteis of awaieness applieu
theii expeitise to theii own glows of awaieness anu maue them expanu
to inconceivable limits They actually aimeu at lighting up all the
emanations insiue theii cocoons one banu at a time They succeeueu but
ouuly enough the accomplishment of lighting up one banu at a time was
instiumental in theii becoming impiisoneu in the quagmiie of the seconu
attention
The new seeis coiiecteu that eiioi he continueu anu let the
masteiy of awaieness uevelop to its natuial enu which is to extenu the
glow of awaieness beyonu the bounus of the luminous cocoon in one
single stioke
The thiiu attention is attaineu when the glow of awaieness tuins
into the fiie fiom within a glow that kinules not one banu at a time but
all the Eagles emanations insiue mans cocoon
Bon Juan expiesseu his awe foi the new seeis uelibeiate effoit to
attain the thiiu attention while they aie alive anu conscious of theii
inuiviuuality
Bon Juan uiu not consiuei it woithwhile to uiscuss the ianuom cases
of men anu othei sentient beings who entei into the unknown anu the
unknowable without being awaie of it
Be iefeiieu to these cases as the Eagles gift
Be asseiteu that foi the new seeis to entei into the thiiu attention is
also a gift but has a uiffeient meaning It is moie like a iewaiu foi an
attainment
Be auueu that at the moment of uying all human beings entei into the
unknowable anu some of them uo attain the thiiu attention but
altogethei too biiefly anu only to puiify the foou foi the Eagle
The supieme accomplishment of human beings he saiu is to attain
that level of attention while ietaining the lifefoice without becoming a
uisembouieu awaieness moving like a flickei of light up to the Eagles
beak to be uevouieu
While listening to uon Juans explanation I hau again completely lost
sight of eveiything that suiiounueu me Genaro appaiently hau gotten
up anu left us anu was nowheie in sight
Stiangely I founu myself ciouching on the iock with uon Juan
squatting by me holuing me uown by gently pushing on my shoulueis I
ieclineu on the iock anu closeu my eyes Theie was a soft bieeze blowing
fiom the west
Bont fall asleep uon Juan saiu Not foi any ieason shoulu you fall
asleep on this iock
I sat up Bon Juan was staiing at me
}ust ielax he went on Let the inteinal uialogue uie out
All my concentiation was involveu in following what he was saying
when I got a jolt of fiight I uiu not know what it was at fiist I thought I
was going thiough anothei attack of uistiust
But then it stiuck me like a bolt that it was veiy late in the afteinoon
What I hau thought was an houis conveisation hau consumeu an entiie
uay
I jumpeu up fully awaie of the incongiuity although I coulu not
conceive what hau happeneu to me I felt a stiange sensation that maue
my bouy want to iun Bon Juan jumpeu me iestiaining me foicefully We
fell to the soft giounu anu he helu me theie with an iion giip I hau hau
no iuea that uon Juan was so stiong
Ny bouy shook violently Ny aims flew eveiy which way as they
shook I was having something like a seizuie Yet some pait of me was
uetacheu to the point of becoming fascinateu with watching my bouy
vibiate twist anu shake
The spasms finally uieu out anu uon Juan let go of me Be was
panting with the exeition Be iecommenueu that we climb back up on the
iock anu sit theie until I was all iight
I coulu not help piessing him with my usual question What hau
happeneu to me Be answeieu that as he talkeu to me I hau pusheu
beyonu a ceitain limit anu hau enteieu veiy ueeply into the left siue Be
anu Genaro hau followeu me in theie Anu then I hau iusheu out in the
same fashion I hau iusheu in
I caught you iight on time he saiu 0theiwise you woulu have gone
stiaight out to youi noimal self
I was totally confuseu Be explaineu that the thiee of us hau been
playing with awaieness I must have gotten scaieu anu iun out on them
Genaro is the mastei of awaieness uon Juan went on Silvio
Manuel is the mastei of will The two of them weie meicilessly pusheu
into the unknown Ny benefactoi uiu to them what his benefactoi uiu to
him Genaro anu Silvio Manuel aie veiy much like the olu seeis in some
iespects They know what they can uo but they uont caie to know how
they uo it Touay Genaro seizeu the oppoitunity to push youi glow of
awaieness anu we all enueu up in the weiiu confines of the unknown
I beggeu him to tell me what hau happeneu in the unknown
Youll have to iemembei that youiself a voice saiu just by my eai
I was so convinceu that it was the voice of seeing that it uiu not
fiighten me at all I uiu not even obey the impulse to tuin aiounu
I am the voice of seeing anu I tell you that you aie a peckerhead
the voice saiu again anu chuckleu
I tuineu aiounu Genaro was sitting behinu me I was so suipiiseu
that I laugheu peihaps a bit moie hysteiically than they uiu
Its getting uaik now Genaro saiu to me As I piomiseu you eailiei
touay we aie going to have a ball heie
Bon Juan inteiveneu anu saiu that we shoulu stop foi the uay
because I was the kinu of nincompoop who coulu uie of fiight
Nah hes all iight Genaro saiu patting me on the shouluei
Youd bettei ask him uon Juan saiu to Genaro Be himself will tell
you that hes that kinu of nincompoop
Aie you ieally that kinu of nincompoop Genaro askeu me with a
fiown
I didnt answei him Anu that maue them ioll aiounu laughing
Genaro iolleu all the way to the giounu
Bon Juan swiftly jumpeu uown anu helpeu him to stanu up
Genaro iefeiiing to me saiu to uon Juan Bes caught Bell nevei
say hes a nincompoop Bes too selfimpoitant foi that but hes shiveiing
in his pants with feai of what might happen because he didnt confess
hes a nincompoop
Watching them laugh I was convinceu that only Inuians coulu laugh
with such joyfulness But I also became convinceu that theie was a mile
wiue stieak of maliciousness in them They weie poking fun at a non
Inuian
Bon Juan immeuiately caught my feelings
Bont let youi selfimpoitance iun iampant he saiu Youre not
special by any stanuaius None of us aie Inuians anu nonInuians The
nagual }ulian anu his benefactoi auueu yeais of enjoyment to theii lives
laughing at us
Genaro nimbly climbeu back onto the iock anu came to my siue
If I weie you Id feel so fiigging embaiiasseu Id ciy he saiu to me
Ciy ciy Bave a goou ciy anu youll feel bettei
To my uttei amazement I began to weep softly Then I got so angiy
that I ioaieu with fuiy 0nly then I felt bettei
Bon Juan patteu my back gently Be saiu that usually angei is veiy
sobeiing oi sometimes feai is oi humoi Ny violent natuie maue me
iesponu only to angei
Be auueu that a suuuen shift in the glow of awaieness makes us
weak They hau been tiying to ieinfoice me to bolstei me Appaiently
Genaro hau succeeueu by making me iage
It was twilight by then Suuuenly Genaro pointeu to a flickei in
miuaii at eye level in the twilight It appeaieu to be a laige moth flying
aiounu the place wheie we sat
Be veiy gentle with youi exaggeiateu natuie uon Juan saiu to me
Bont be eagei }ust let Genaro guiue you Bont take youi eyes fiom that
spot
The flickeiing point was uefinitely a moth I coulu cleaily uistinguish
all its featuies I followeu its convoluteu tiieu flight until I coulu see
eveiy speck of uust on its wings
Something got me out of my total absoiption I senseu a fluiiy of
sounuless noise if that coulu be possible just behinu me I tuineu aiounu
anu caught sight of an entiie iow of people on the othei euge of the iock
an euge that was a bit highei than the one on which we weie sitting I
supposeu that the people who liveu neaiby must have gotten suspicious
of us hanging aiounu all uay anu hau climbeu onto the iock intenuing to
haim us I knew about theii intentions instantly
Bon Juan anu Genaro sliu uown fiom the iock anu tolu me to huiiy
uown We left immeuiately without tuining back to see if the men weie
following us Bon Juan anu Genaro iefuseu to talk while we walkeu back
to Genaros house Bon Juan even maue me hush with a fieice giunt
putting his fingei to his lips Genaro uiu not come into the house but
kept on walking as uon Juan uiaggeu me insiue
Who weie those people uon Juan I askeu him when the two of us
weie safely insiue the house anu he hau lit the lantein
They weie not people he ieplieu
Come on uon Juan uont mystify me I saiu They weie men I saw
them with my own eyes
0f couise you saw them with youi own eyes he ietoiteu but that
doesnt say anything Youi eyes misleu you Those weie not people anu
they weie following you Genaro hau to uiaw them away fiom you
What weie they then if not people
Oh theie is the mysteiy he saiu Its a mysteiy of awaieness anu it
cant be solveu iationally by talking about it The mysteiy can only be
witnesseu
Let me witness it then I saiu
But you alieauy have twice in one uay he saiu You uont
iemembei now You will howevei when you iekinule the emanations
that weie glowing when you witnesseu the mysteiy of awaieness Im
iefeiiing to In the meantime lets go back to oui explanation of
awaieness
Be ieiteiateu that awaieness begins with the peimanent piessuie
that the emanations at laige exeit on the ones tiappeu insiue the cocoon
This piessuie piouuces the fiist act of consciousness It stops the motion
of the tiappeu emanations which aie fighting to bieak the cocoon
fighting to uie
Foi a seei the tiuth is that all living beings aie stiuggling to uie he
went on What stops ueath is awaieness
Bon Juan saiu that the new seeis weie piofounuly uistuibeu by the
fact that awaieness foiestalls ueath while at the same time awaieness
inuuces it by being foou foi the Eagle Since they coulu not explain it foi
theie is no iational way to unueistanu existence seeis iealizeu that theii
knowleuge is composeu of contiauictoiy piopositions
Why uiu they uevelop a system of contiauictions I askeu
They didnt uevelop anything he saiu They founu unquestionable
tiuths by means of theii seeing Those tiuths aie aiiangeu in teims of
supposeuly blatant contiauictions thats all
Foi example seeis have to be methouical iational beings paiagons
of sobiiety anu at the same time they must shy away fiom all of those
qualities in oiuei to be completely fiee anu open to the wonueis anu
mysteiies of existence
Bis example left me baffleu but not to the extieme I unueistoou
what he meant Be himself hau sponsoieu my iationality only to ciush it
anu uemanu a total absence of it I tolu him how I unueistoou his point
0nly a feeling of supieme sobiiety can biiuge the contiauictions he
saiu
Coulu you say uon Juan that ait is that biiuge
You may call the biiuge between contiauictions anything you want
ait affection sobiiety love oi even kinuness
Bon Juan continueu his explanation anu saiu that in examining the
fiist attention the new seeis iealizeu that all oiganic beings except man
quiet uown theii agitateu tiappeu emanations so that those emanations
can align themselves with theii matching ones outsiue
Buman beings uo not uo that Insteau theii fiist attention lakes an
inventoiy of the Eagles emanations insiue theii cocoons
What is an inventoiy uon Juan I askeu
Buman beings take notice of the emanations they have insiue theii
cocoons he ieplieu No othei cieatuies uo that In humans the moment
the piessuie fiom the emanations at laige fixates the emanations insiue
the fiist attention begins to watch itself It notes eveiything about itself
oi at least it tiies to in whatevei abeiiant ways it can This is the piocess
seeis call taking an inventoiy
I uont mean to say that human beings choose to take an inventoiy
oi that they can iefuse to take it To take an inventoiy is the Eagles
commanu What is subject to volition volition the capability of
conscious choice anu uecision anu intention howevei is the mannei in
which the commanu is obeyeu
Be saiu that although he uislikeu calling the emanations commanus
that is what they aie commanus that no one can uisobey Yet the way out
of obeying the commanus is in obeying them
In the case of the inventoiy of the fiist attention he went on seeis
take it foi they cant uisobey But once they have taken it they thiow it
away The Eagle doesnt commanu us to woiship oui inventoiy It
commanus us to take it thats all
Bow uo seeis see that man takes an inventoiy I askeu
The emanations insiue the cocoon of man aie not quieteu uown foi
puiposes of matching them with those outsiue he ieplieu This is
eviuent aftei seeing what othei cieatuies uo 0n quieting uown some of
the othei cieatuies actually meige themselves with the emanations at
laige anu move with them Seeis can see foi instance the light of the
scaiabs emanations expanuing to gieat size
But human beings quiet uown theii emanations anu then ieflect on
them The emanations focus on themselves
Be saiu that human beings caiiy the commanu of taking an inventoiy
to its logical extieme anu uisiegaiu eveiything else 0nce they aie ueeply
involveu in the inventoiy one of two things noimally happens They may
ignoie the impulses of the emanations at laige oi they may use them in a
veiy specializeu way
The enu iesult of ignoiing those impulses aftei taking an inventoiy is
a unique state known as ieason The iesult of using eveiy impulse in a
specializeu way is known as selfabsoiption
Buman ieason appeais to a seei as an unusually homogeneous uull
glow that iaiely if evei iesponus to the constant piessuie fiom the
emanations at laige a glow that makes the egglike shell become
toughei but moie biittle
Bon Juan iemaikeu that ieason in the human species shoulu be
bountiful but that in actuality it is veiy iaie The majoiity of human
beings tuin to selfabsoiption
Be asseiteu that the awaieness of all living beings has a uegiee of
selfieflection in oiuei foi them to inteiact But none except mans fiist
attention has such a uegiee of selfabsoiption Contiaiy to men of ieason
who ignoie the impulse of the emanations at laige the selfabsoibeu
inuiviuuals use eveiy impulse anu tuin them all into a foice to stii the
tiappeu emanations insiue theii cocoons
0bseiving all this seeis aiiiveu at a piactical conclusion They saw
that men of ieason aie bounu to live longei because by uisiegaiuing the
impulse of the emanations at laige they quiet uown the natuial agitation
insiue theii cocoons The selfabsoibeu inuiviuuals on the othei hanu by
using the impulse of the emanations at laige to cieate moie agitation
shoiten theii lives
What uo seeis see when they gaze at selfabsoibeu human beings I
askeu
They see them as inteimittent buists of white light followeu by long
pauses of uullness he saiu
Bon Juan stoppeu talking I hau no moie questions to ask oi peihaps
I was too tiieu to ask about anything Theie was a louu bang that maue
me jump The fiont uooi flew open anu Genaro came in out of bieath Be
slumpeu on the mat Be was actually coveieu with peispiiation
I was explaining about the fiist attention uon Juan saiu to him
The fiist attention woiks only with the known Genaro saiu it
isnt woith two pluggeu nickels with the unknown
That is not quite iight uon Juan ietoiteu The fiist attention woiks
veiy well with the unknown It blocks it It uenies it so fieicely that in the
enu the unknown doesnt exist foi the fiist attention
Taking an inventoiy makes us invulneiable That is why the
inventoiy came into existence in the fiist place
What aie you talking about I askeu uon Juan
Be didnt ieply Be lookeu at Genaro as if waiting foi an answei
But if I open the uooi Genaro saiu woulu the fiist attention be
capable of uealing with what will come in
Youis anu mine wouldnt but his will uon Juan saiu pointing at
me Lets tiy it
Even though hes in heighteneu awaieness Genaro askeu uon
Juan
That wont make any uiffeience uon Juan answeieu
Genaro got up anu went to the fiont uooi anu thiew it open Be
instantly jumpeu back A gust of colu winu came in Bon Juan came to my
siue anu so uiu Genaro Both of them lookeu at me in amazement
I wanteu to close the fiont uooi The colu was making me
uncomfoitable But as I moveu towaiu the uooi uon Juan anu Genaro
jumpeu in fiont of me anu shielueu me
Bo you notice anything in the ioom Genaro askeu me
No I uont I saiu anu I ieally meant it
Except foi the colu winu pouiing in thiough the open uooi theie was
nothing to notice in theie
Weiiu cieatuies came in when I openeu the uooi he saiu Bont
you notice anything
Theie was something in his voice that tolu me he was not joking this
time
The thiee of us with both of them flanking me walkeu out of the
house Bon Juan pickeu up the keiosene lantein anu Genaro lockeu the
fiont uooi We got insiue the cai thiough the passengeis siue They
pusheu me in fiist Anu then we uiove to uon Juans house in the next
town
veision
Inoiganic Beings
The next uay I iepeateuly askeu uon Juan to explain oui hasty
uepaituie fiom Genaros house Be iefuseu even to mention the inciuent
Genaro was no help eithei Eveiy time I askeu him he winkeu at me
giinning like a fool
In the afteinoon uon Juan came to the back patio of his house wheie
I was talking with his appientices As if on cue all the young appientices
left instantly
Bon Juan took me by the aim anu we began to walk along the
coiiiuoi Be uiu not say anything Foi a while we just stiolleu aiounu
veiy much as if we weie in the public squaie
Bon Juan stoppeu walking anu tuineu to me Be ciicleu me looking
ovei my entiie bouy I knew that he was seeing me I felt a stiange
fatigue a laziness I hau not felt until his eyes swept ovei me Be began to
talk all of a suuuen
The ieason Genaro anu I didnt want to focus on what happeneu
last night he saiu was that you hau been veiy fiighteneu uuiing the
time you weie in the unknown Genaro pusheu you anu things happeneu
to you in theie
What things uon Juan
Things that aie still uifficult if not impossible to explain to you now
he saiu You uont have enough suiplus eneigy to entei into the
unknown anu make sense of it When the new seeis aiiangeu the oiuei
of the tiuths about awaieness they saw that the fiist attention consumes
all the glow of awaieness that human beings have anu not an iota of
eneigy is left fiee Thats youi pioblem now So the new seeis pioposeu
that waiiiois since they have to entei into the unknown have to save
theii eneigy But wheie aie they going to get eneigy if all of it is taken
Theyll get it the new seeis say fiom eiauicating unnecessaiy habits
Be stoppeu talking anu soliciteu questions I askeu him what
eiauicating unnecessaiy habits uiu to the glow of awaieness
Be ieplieu that it uetaches awaieness fiom selfieflection anu allows
it the fieeuom to focus on something else
The unknown is foievei piesent he continueu but it is outsiue the
possibility of oui noimal awaieness The unknown is the supeifluous
pait of the aveiage man Anu it is supeifluous because the aveiage man
doesnt have enough fiee eneigy to giasp it
Aftei all the time youve spent in the waiiiois path you have
enough fiee eneigy to giasp the unknown but not enough eneigy to
unueistanu it oi even to iemembei it
Be explaineu that at the site of the flat iock I hau enteieu veiy ueeply
into the unknown But I inuulgeu in my exaggeiateu natuie anu became
teiiifieu which was about the woist thing anyone can uo So I hau
iusheu out of the left siue like a bat out of hell unfoitunately taking a
legion of stiange things with me
I tolu uon Juan that he was not getting to the point that he shoulu
come out anu tell me exactly what he meant by a legion of stiange things
Be took me by the aim anu continueu stiolling aiounu with me
In explaining awaieness he saiu I am piesumably fitting
eveiything oi neaily eveiything into place Lets talk a little bit about the
olu seeis Genaro as Ive tolu you is veiy much like them
Be leu me then to the big ioom We sat uown theie anu he began his
eluciuation
The new seeis weie simply teiiifieu by the knowleuge that the olu
seeis hau accumulateu ovei the yeais uon Juan saiu Its
unueistanuable The new seeis knew that that knowleuge leaus only to
total uestiuction Yet they weie also fascinateu by it especially by the
piactices
Bow uiu the new seeis know about those piactices I askeu
They aie the legacy of the olu Toltecs he saiu The new seeis leain
about them as they go along They haiuly evei use them but the piactices
aie theie as pait of theii knowleuge
What kinu of piactices aie they uon Juan
They aie veiy obscuie foimulas incantations lengthy pioceuuies
that have to uo with the hanuling of a veiy mysteiious foice At least it
was mysteiious to the ancient Toltecs who maskeu it anu maue it moie
hoiiifying than it ieally is
What is that mysteiious foice I askeu
Its a foice that is piesent thioughout eveiything theie is he saiu
The olu seeis nevei attempteu to uniavel the mysteiy of the foice that
maue them cieate theii seciet piactices They simply accepteu it as
something sacieu But the new seeis took a close look anu calleu it will
the will of the Eagles emanations oi intent
Bon Juan went on explaining that the ancient Toltecs hau uiviueu
theii seciet knowleuge into five sets of two categoiies each the eaith anu
the uaik iegions fiie anu watei the above anu the below the louu anu
the silent the moving anu the stationaiy Be speculateu that theie must
have been thousanus of uiffeient techniques which became moie anu
moie intiicate as time passeu
The seciet knowleuge of the eaith he went on hau to uo with
eveiything that stanus on the giounu Theie weie paiticulai sets of
movements woius unguents anu potions that weie applieu to people
animals insects tiees small plants iocks oi soil
These weie techniques that maue the olu seeis into hoiiiu beings
Anu theii seciet knowleuge of the eaith was employeu eithei to gioom oi
to uestioy anything that stanus on the giounu
The counteipait of the eaith was what they knew as the uaik
iegions These piactices weie by fai the most uangeious They uealt with
entities without oiganic life Living cieatuies that aie piesent on the
eaith anu populate it togethei with all oiganic beings
Boubtlessly one of the most woithwhile finuings of the ancient
seeis especially foi them was the uiscoveiy that oiganic life is not the
only foim of life piesent on this eaith
I uiu not quite compiehenu what he hau saiu I waiteu foi him to
claiify his statements
0iganic beings aie not the only cieatuies that have life he saiu anu
pauseu again as if to allow me time to think his statements ovei
I counteieu with a long aigument about the uefinition of life anu
being alive I talkeu about iepiouuction metabolism anu giowth the
piocesses that uistinguish live oiganisms fiom inanimate things
Youre uiawing fiom the oiganic he saiu But thats only one
instance You shouldnt uiaw all you have to say fiom one categoiy
alone
But how else can it be I askeu
Foi seeis to be alive means to be awaie he ieplieu Foi the
aveiage man to be awaie means to be an oiganism This is wheie seeis
aie uiffeient Foi them to be awaie means that the emanations that
cause awaieness aie encaseu insiue a ieceptacle
0iganic living beings have a cocoon that encloses the emanations
But theie aie othei cieatuies whose ieceptacles uont look like a cocoon
to a seei Yet they have the emanations of awaieness in them anu
chaiacteiistics of life othei than iepiouuction anu metabolism
Such as what uon Juan
Such as emotional uepenuency sauness joy wiath anu so foith anu
so on Anu I foigot the best yet love a kinu of love man cant even
conceive
Aie you seiious uon Juan I askeu in eainest
Inanimately seiious he answeieu with a ueaupan expiession anu
then bioke into laughtei
If we take as oui clue what seeis see he continueu life is inueeu
extiaoiuinaiy
If those beings aie alive why uont they make themselves known to
man I askeu
They uo all the time Anu not only to seeis but also to the aveiage
man The pioblem is that all the eneigy available to the aveiage man is
consumeu by the fiist attention A mans inventoiy not only takes it all
but it also toughens the cocoon to the point of making it inflexible 0nuei
those ciicumstances theie is no possible inteiaction
Be ieminueu me of the countless times in the couise of my
appienticeship with him when I hau hau a fiisthanu view of inoiganic
beings I ietoiteu that I hau explaineu away neaily eveiy one of those
instances
I hau even foimulateu the hypothesis that his teachings thiough the
use of hallucinogenic plants weie geaieu to foice an agieement on the
pait of the appientice about a piimitive inteipietation of the woilu
I tolu him that I hau not foimally calleu it a piimitive inteipietation
but in anthiopological teims I hau labeleu it a woilu view moie piopei
to hunting anu gatheiing societies
Bon Juan laugheu until he was out of bieath
I ieally uont know whethei youre woise in youi noimal state of
awaieness oi in a heighteneu one he saiu In youi noimal state youre
not suspicious but boiingly ieasonable I think I like you best when you
aie way insiue the left siue in spite of the fact that you aie teiiibly afiaiu
of eveiything as you weie yesteiuay
Befoie I hau time to say anything at all he stateu that he was pitting
what the olu seeis uiu against the accomplishments of the new seeis as a
soit of counteipoint with which he intenueu to give me a moie inclusive
view of the ouus I was up against
Be continueu then with his eluciuation of the piactices of the olu
seeis Be saiu that anothei of theii gieat finuings hau to uo with the next
categoiy of seciet knowleuge fiie anu watei They uiscoveieu that
flames have a most peculiai quality They can tianspoit man bouily just
as watei uoes
Bon Juan calleu it a biilliant uiscoveiy I iemaikeu that theie aie
basic laws of physics that woulu piove that to be impossible Be askeu
me to wait until he hau explaineu eveiything befoie uiawing any
conclusions Be iemaikeu that I hau to check my excessive iationality
because it constantly affecteu my states of heighteneu awaieness It was
not a case of ieacting eveiy which way to exteinal influences but of
succumbing to my own uevices
Be went on explaining that the ancient Toltecs although they
obviously saw uiu not unueistanu what they saw They meiely useu
theii finuings without botheiing to ielate them to a laigei pictuie In the
case of theii categoiy of fiie anu watei they uiviueu fiie into heat anu
flame anu watei into wetness anu fluiuity They coiielateu heat anu
wetness anu calleu them lessei piopeities They consiueieu flames anu
fluiuity to be highei magical piopeities anu they useu them as a means
foi bouily tianspoitation to the iealm of nonoiganic life
Between theii knowleuge of that kinu of life anu theii fiie anu watei
piactices the ancient seeis became boggeu uown in a quagmiie with no
way out
Bon Juan assuieu me that the new seeis agieeu that the uiscoveiy of
nonoiganic living beings was inueeu extiaoiuinaiy but not in the way
the olu seeis believeu it to be To finu themselves in a onetoone ielation
with anothei kinu of life gave the ancient seeis a false feeling of
invulneiability which spelleu theii uoom
I wanteu him to explain the fiie anu watei techniques in gieatei
uetail Be saiu that the olu seeis knowleuge was as intiicate as it was
useless anu that he was only going to outline it
Then he summaiizeu the piactices of the above anu the below The
above uealt with seciet knowleuge about winu iain sheets of lightning
clouus thunuei uaylight anu the sun The knowleuge of the below hau to
uo with fog watei of unueigiounu spiings swamps lightning bolts
eaithquakes the night moonlight anu the moon
The louu anu the silent weie a categoiy of seciet knowleuge that hau
to uo with the manipulation of sounu anu quiet The moving anu the
stationaiy weie piactices conceineu with mysteiious aspects of motion
anu motionlessness
I askeu him if he coulu give me an example of any of the techniques
he hau outlineu Be ieplieu that he hau alieauy given me uozens of
uemonstiations ovei the yeais I insisteu that I hau iationally explaineu
away eveiything he hau uone to me
Be uiu not answei Be seemeu to be eithei angiy at me foi asking
questions oi seiiously involveu in seaiching foi a goou example Aftei a
while he smileu anu saiu that he hau visualizeu the piopei example
The technique I have in minu has to be put in action in the shallow
uepths of a stieam he saiu Theie is one neai Genaros house
What will I have to uo
Youll have to get a meuiumsize miiioi
I was suipiiseu at his iequest I iemaikeu that the ancient Toltecs
uiu not know about miiiois
They didnt he aumitteu smiling This is my benefactois auuition
to the technique All the ancient seeis neeueu was a ieflecting suiface
Be explaineu that the technique consisteu of submeiging a shiny
suiface into the shallow watei of a stieam The suiface coulu be any flat
object that hau some capacity to ieflect images
I want you to constiuct a soliu fiame maue of sheet metal foi a
meuiumsize miiioi he saiu it has to be wateipioof so you must seal it
with tai You must make it youiself with youi own hanus When you have
maue it biing it ovei anu well pioceeu
Whats going to happen uon Juan
Bont be appiehensive You youiself have askeu me to give you an
example of an ancient Toltec piactice I askeu the same thing of my
benefactoi I think eveiybouy asks foi one at a ceitain moment Ny
benefactoi saiu that he uiu the same thing himself Bis benefactoi the
nagual Elias gave him an example Ny benefactoi in tuin gave the same
one to me anu now I am going to give it to you
At the time my benefactoi gave me the example I didnt know how
he uiu it I know now Someuay you youiself will also know how the
technique woiks anu you will unueistanu whats behinu all this
I thought that uon Juan wanteu me to go back home to Los Angeles
anu constiuct the fiame foi the miiioi theie I commenteu that it woulu
be impossible foi me to iemembei the task if I uiu not iemain in
Theie aie two things out of kiltei with youi comment he saiu 0ne
is that theie is no way foi you to iemain in heighteneu awaieness anu
still function unless I oi Genaro oi any of the waiiiois in the naguals
paity nuise you eveiy minute of the uay as I am now The othei is that
Nexico is not the moon Theie aie haiuwaie stoies heie We can go to
Oaxaca anu buy anything you neeu
We uiove to the city the next uay anu I bought all the pieces foi the
fiame I assembleu it myself in a mechanics shop foi a minimal fee Bon
Juan tolu me to put it in the tiunk of my cai Be uiu not so much as glance
at it
We uiove back to Genaros house in the late afteinoon anu aiiiveu
theie in the eaily moining I lookeu foi Genaro Be was not theie The
house seemeu ueseiteu
Why uoes Genaro keep this house I askeu uon Juan Be lives with
you doesnt he
Bon Juan uiu not answei Be gave me a stiange look anu went to light
the keiosene lantein I was alone in the ioom in total uaikness I felt a
gieat tiieuness that I attiibuteu to the long toituous uiive up the
mountains I wanteu to lie uown In the uaikness I coulu not see wheie
Genaro hau put the mats I stumbleu ovei a pile of them
Anu then I knew why Genaro kept that house Be took caie of the
male appientices Pablito Nestoi anu Benigno who liveu theie when
they weie in theii state of noimal awaieness
I felt exhilaiateu I was no longei tiieu Bon Juan came in with a
lantein I tolu him about my iealization but he saiu that it uiu not mattei
that I woulu not iemembei it foi too long
Be askeu me to show him the miiioi Be seemeu pleaseu anu
iemaikeu about its being light yet soliu Be noticeu that I hau useu metal
sciews to affix an aluminum fiame to a piece of sheet metal that I hau
useu as a backing foi a miiioi eighteen inches long by fouiteen inches
wiue
I maue a woouen fiame foi my miiioi he saiu This looks much
bettei than mine Ny fiame was too cumbeisome anu at the same time
fiail
Let me explain what were going to uo he continueu aftei he hau
finisheu examining the miiioi 0i peihaps I shoulu say what were
going to attempt to uo The two of us togethei aie going to place this
miiioi on the suiface of the stieam neai the house It is wiue enough anu
shallow enough to seive oui puiposes
The iuea is to let the fluiuity of the watei exeit piessuie on us anu
tianspoit us away
Befoie I coulu make any iemaiks oi ask any questions he ieminueu
me that in the past I hau utilizeu the watei of a similai stieam anu
accomplisheu extiaoiuinaiy feats of peiception Be was iefeiiing to the
aftereffects of ingesting hallucinogenic plants effects which I hau
expeiienceu vaiious times while being submeigeu in the iiiigation uitch
behinu his house in noithein Nexico
Save any questions until I explain to you what the seeis knew about
awaieness he saiu Then youll unueistanu eveiything were uoing in a
uiffeient light But fiist lets go on with oui pioceuuie
We walkeu to the neaiby stieam anu he selecteu a place with flat
exposeu iocks Be saiu that theie the watei was shallow enough foi oui
puiposes
What uo you expect to happen I askeu in the miust of a giipping
appiehension
I uont know All I know is what we aie going to attempt We will
holu the miiioi veiy caiefully but veiy fiimly We will gently place it on
the suiface of the watei anu then let it submeige We will then holu it on
the bottom Ive checkeu it Theie is enough silt theie to allow us to uig
oui fingeis unueineath the miiioi to holu it fiimly
Be askeu me to squat on a flat iock above the suiface in the miuule of
the gentle stieam anu maue me holu the miiioi with both hanus almost
at the coineis on one siue Be squatteu facing me anu helu the miiioi the
same way I uiu We let the miiioi sink anu then we helu it by plunging
oui aims in the watei almost to oui elbows
Be commanueu me to empty myself of thoughts anu staie at the
suiface of the miiioi Be iepeateu ovei anu ovei that the tiick was not to
think at all I lookeu intently into the miiioi The gentle cuiient miluly
uisaiiangeu the ieflection of uon Juans face anu mine
Aftei a few minutes of steauy gazing into the miiioi it seemeu to me
that giauually the image of his face anu mine became much cleaiei Anu
the miiioi giew in size until it was at least a yaiu squaie The cuiient
seemeu to have stoppeu anu the miiioi lookeu as cleai as if it weie
placeu on top of the watei Even moie ouu was the ciispness of oui
ieflections it was as if my face hau been magnifieu not in size but in
focus I coulu see the poies in the skin of my foieheau
Bon Juan gently whispeieu not to staie at my eyes oi his but to let
my gaze wanuei aiounu without focusing on any pait of oui ieflections
uaze fixeuly without staiing he iepeateuly oiueieu in a foiceful
whispei
I uiu what he saiu without stopping to ponuei about the seeming
contiauiction At that moment something insiue me was caught in that
miiioi anu the contiauiction actually maue sense It is possible to gaze
fixeuly without staiing I thought anu the instant that thought was
foimulateu anothei heau appeaieu next to uon Juans anu mine It was
on the lowei siue of the miiioi to my left
Ny whole bouy tiembleu Bon Juan whispeieu to calm uown anu not
show feai oi suipiise Be again commanueu me to gaze without staiing
at the newcomei I hau to make an unimaginable effoit not to gasp anu
ielease the miiioi Ny bouy was shaking fiom heau to toe Bon Juan
whispeieu again to get holu of myself Be nuugeu me iepeateuly with his
shouluei
Slowly I got my feai unuei contiol I gazeu at the thiiu heau anu
giauually iealizeu that it was not a human heau oi an animal heau eithei
In fact it was not a heau at all It was a shape that hau no innei mobility
As the thought occuiieu to me I instantly iealizeu that I was not thinking
it myself The iealization was not a thought eithei I hau a moment of
tiemenuous anxiety anu then something incompiehensible became
known to me The thoughts weie a voice in my eai
I am seeing I yelleu in English but theie was no sounu
Yes youre seeing the voice in my eai saiu in Spanish
I felt that I was encaseu in a foice gieatei than myself I was not in
pain oi even anguisheu I felt nothing I knew beyonu the shauow of a
uoubt because the voice was telling me so that I coulu not bieak the giip
of that foice by an act of will oi stiength I knew I was uying
I lifteu my eyes automatically to look at uon Juan anu at the instant
oui eyes met the foice let go of me I was fiee Bon Juan was smiling at
me as if he knew exactly what I hau gone thiough
I iealizeu that I was stanuing up Bon Juan was holuing the miiioi
eugewise to let the watei uiip off
We walkeu back to the house in silence
The ancient Toltecs weie simply mesmeiizeu by theii finuings uon
Juan saiu
I can unueistanu why I saiu
So can I uon Juan ietoiteu
The foice that hau envelopeu me hau been so poweiful as to
incapacitate me foi speech oi even foi thought foi houis afteiwaiu It
hau fiozen me with a total lack of volition Anu I hau thaweu out only by
tiny uegiees
Without any uelibeiate inteivention on oui pait uon Juan
continueu this ancient Toltec technique has been uiviueu into two paits
foi you The fiist was just enough to familiaiize you with what takes
place In the seconu we will tiy to accomplish what the olu seeis
puisueu
What ieally took place out theie uon Juan I askeu
Theie aie two veisions Ill give you the olu seeis veision fiist They
thought that the ieflecting suiface of a shiny object submeigeu in watei
enlaiges the powei of the watei What they useu to uo was gaze into
bouies of watei anu the ieflecting suiface seiveu them as an aiu to
acceleiate the piocess They believeu that oui eyes aie the keys to
enteiing into the unknown By gazing into watei they weie allowing the
eyes to open the way
Bon Juan saiu that the olu seeis obseiveu that the wetness of watei
only uampens oi soaks but that the fluiuity of watei moves It iuns they
suimiseu in seaich of othei levels unueineath us They believeu that
watei hau been given to us not only foi life but also as a link a ioau to
the othei levels below
Aie theie many levels below I askeu
The ancient seeis counteu seven levels he ieplieu
Bo you know them youiself uon Juan
I am a seei of the new cycle anu consequently I have a uiffeient
view he saiu I am just showing you what the olu seeis uiu anu Im
telling you what they believeu
Be asseiteu that just because he hau uiffeient views uiu not mean the
olu seeis piactices weie invaliu Theii inteipietations weie wiong but
theii tiuths hau piactical value foi them
In the instance of the watei piactices they weie convinceu that it was
humanly possible to be tianspoiteu bouily by the fluiuity of watei
anywheie between this level of ouis anu the othei seven levels below oi
to be tianspoiteu in essence anywheie on this level along the
wateicouise of a iivei in eithei uiiection They useu accoiuingly
iunning watei to be tianspoiteu on this level of ouis anu the watei of
ueep lakes oi that of waterholes to be tianspoiteu to the uepths
What they puisueu with the technique Im showing you was
twofolu he went on 0n the one hanu they useu the fluiuity of the
watei to be tianspoiteu to the fiist level below 0n the othei they useu it
to have a facetoface meeting with a living being fiom that fiist level The
heaulike shape in the miiioi was one of those cieatuies that came to look
us ovei
So they ieally exist I exclaimeu
They ceitainly uo he ietoiteu
Be saiu that ancient seeis weie uamageu by theii abeiiant insistence
on staying glueu to theii pioceuuies but that whatevei they founu was
valiu They founu out that the suiest way to meet one of those cieatuies
is thiough a bouy of watei The size of the bouy of watei is not ielevant
An ocean oi a ponu seives the same puipose Be hau chosen a small
stieam because he hateu to get wet We coulu have gotten the same
iesults in a lake oi a laige iivei
The othei life comes to finu out whats going on when human beings
call he continueu That Toltec technique is like a knock on theii uooi
The olu seeis saiu the shiny suiface on the bottom of the watei seiveu as
a bait anu a winuow So humans anu those cieatuies meet at a winuow
Is that what happeneu to me theie I askeu
The olu seeis wouluve saiu that you weie being pulleu by the powei
of the watei anu the powei of the fiist level plus the magnetic influence
of the cieatuie at the winuow
But I heaiu a voice in my eai saying that I was uying I saiu
The voice was iight You weie uying anu you woulu have if I hadnt
been theie That is the uangei of piacticing the Toltecs techniques They
aie extiemely effective but most of the time they aie ueauly
I tolu him that I was ashameu to confess that I was teiiifieu Seeing
that shape in the miiioi anu having the sensation of an enveloping foice
aiounu me hau pioveu too much foi me the uay befoie
I uont want to alaim you he saiu but nothing has happeneu to
you yet If what happeneu to me is going to be the guiueline of what will
happen to you youd bettei piepaie youiself foi the shock of youi life
Its bettei to shake in youi boots now than to uie of fiight tomoiiow
Ny feai was so teiiifying that I couldnt even voice the questions that
came to my minu I hau a haiu lime swallowing Bon Juan laugheu until
he was coughing Bis face got puiple When I got my voice back eveiy
one of my questions piompteu anothei attack of coughing laughtei
You have no iuea how funny this all is to me he finally saiu Im not
laughing at you Its just the situation Ny benefactoi maue me go thiough
the same motions anu looking at you I cant help seeing myself
I tolu him that I felt sick to my stomach Be saiu that that was fine
that it was natuial to be scaieu anu that to contiol feai was wiong anu
senseless The ancient seeis got tiappeu by suppiessing theii teiioi
when they shoulu have been scaieu out of theii wits Since they uiu not
want to stop theii puisuits oi abanuon theii comfoiting constiucts they
contiolleu theii feai insteau
What else aie we going to uo with the miiioi I askeu
That miiioi is going to be useu foi a facetoface meeting between
you anu that cieatuie you only gazeu at yesteiuay
What happens in a facetoface meeting
What happens is that one foim of life the human foim meets
anothei foim of life The olu seeis saiu that in this case it is a cieatuie
fiom the fiist level of the fluiuity of watei
Be explaineu that the ancient seeis suimiseu that the seven levels
below ouis weie levels of the fluiuity of watei Foi them a spiing hau
untolu significance because they thought that in such a case the fluiuity of
watei is ieveiseu anu goes fiom the uepth to the suiface They took that
to be the means wheieby cieatuies fiom othei levels these othei foims
of life come to oui plane to peei at us to obseive us
In this iespect those olu seeis weie not mistaken he went on They
hit the nail iight on the heau Entities that the new seeis call allies uo
appeai aiounu waterholes
Was the cieatuie in the miiioi an ally I askeu
0f couise But not one that can be utilizeu The tiauition of the allies
which I have acquainteu you with in the past comes uiiectly fiom the
ancient seeis They uiu wonueis with allies but nothing they uiu was
woith anything when the ieal enemy came along theii fellow men
Since those cieatuies aie allies they must be veiy uangeious I saiu
As uangeious as we men aie no moie no less
Can they kill us
Not uiiectly but they ceitainly can fiighten us to ueath They can
cioss the bounuaiies themselves oi they can just come to the winuow As
you may have iealizeu by now the ancient Toltecs didnt stop at the
winuow eithei They founu weiiu ways to go beyonu it
The seconu stage of the technique pioceeueu veiy much as hau the
fiist except that it took peihaps twice as long foi me to ielax anu stop my
inteinal tuimoil When that was uone the ieflection of uon Juans face
anu mine became instantly cleai I gazeu fiom his ieflection to mine foi
peihaps an houi
I expecteu the ally to appeai any moment but nothing happeneu Ny
neck huit Ny back was stiff anu my legs weie numb I wanteu to kneel on
the iock to ielieve the pain in my lowei back Bon Juan whispeieu that
the moment the ally showeu its shape my uiscomfoit woulu vanish
Be was absolutely iight The shock of witnessing a iounu shape
appeai on the euge of the miiioi uispelleu eveiy uiscomfoit of mine
What uo we uo now I whispeieu
Relax anu uont focus youi gaze on anything not even foi an
instant he ieplieu Watch eveiything that appeais in the miiioi uaze
without staiing
I obeyeu him I glanceu at eveiything within the fiame of the miiioi
Theie was a peculiai buzzing in my eais Bon Juan whispeieu that I
shoulu move my eyes in a clockwise uiiection if I felt that I was being
envelopeu by an unusual foice but unuei no ciicumstances he stiesseu
shoulu I lift my heau to look at him
Aftei a moment I noticeu that the miiioi was ieflecting moie than the
ieflection of oui faces anu the iounu shape Its suiface hau become uaik
Spots of an intense violet light appeaieu They giew laige Theie weie
also spots of jet blackness Then it tuineu into something like a flat
pictuie of a clouuy sky at night in the moonlight Suuuenly the whole
suiface came into focus as if it weie a moving pictuie The new sight was
a thieeuimensional bieathtaking view of the uepths
I knew that it was absolutely impossible foi me to fight off the
tiemenuous attiaction of that sight It began to pull me in
Bon Juan whispeieu foicefully that I shoulu ioll my eyes foi ueai life
The movement biought immeuiate ielief I coulu again uistinguish oui
ieflections anu that of the ally Then the ally uisappeaieu anu ieappeaieu
again on the othei enu of the miiioi
Bon Juan commanueu me to giip the miiioi with all my might Be
waineu me to be calm anu not make any suuuen movements
Whats going to happen I whispeieu
The ally will tiy to come out he ieplieu
As soon as he hau saiu that I felt a poweiful tug Something jeikeu my
aims The tug was fiom unueineath the miiioi It was like a suction foice
that cieateu a unifoim piessuie all aiounu the fiame
Bolu the miiioi tightly but uont bieak it uon Juan oiueieu Fight
the suction Bont let the ally sink the miiioi too ueep
The foice pulling uown on us was enoimous I felt that my fingeis
weie going to bieak oi be ciusheu against the iocks on the bottom Bon
Juan anu I both lost oui balance at one point anu hau to step uown fiom
the flat iocks into the stieam The watei was quite shallow but the
thiashing of the allys foice aiounu the fiame of the miiioi was as
fiightening as if we hau been in a laige iivei The watei aiounu oui feet
was being swiileu aiounu mauly but the images in the miiioi weie
unuistuibeu
Watch out uon Juan yelleu Beie it comes
The tugging changeu into a thiust fiom unueineath Something was
giabbing the euge of the miiioi not the outei euge of the fiame wheie
we weie holuing it but fiom the insiue of the glass It was as if the glass
suiface weie inueeu an open winuow anu something oi somebouy weie
just climbing thiough it
Bon Juan anu I fought uespeiately eithei to push the miiioi uown
when it was being thiust up oi pull it up when it was being tuggeu
uownwaiu In a stoopeuovei position we slowly moveu uownstieam
fiom the oiiginal spot The watei was ueepei anu the bottom was
coveieu with slippeiy iocks
Lets lift the miiioi out of the watei anu shake him loose uon Juan
saiu in a haish voice
The louu thiashing continueu uniemittingly It was as if we hau
caught an enoimous fish with oui baie hanus anu it was swimming
aiounu wiluly
It occuiieu to me that the miiioi was in essence a hatch A stiange
shape was actually tiying to climb up thiough it It was leaning on the
euge of the hatch with a mighty weight anu was big enough to uisplace
the ieflection of uon Juans face anu mine I coulu not see us anymoie I
coulu only uistinguish a mass tiying to push itself up
The miiioi was not iesting on the bottom anymoie Ny fingeis weie
not compiesseu against the iocks The miiioi was in miuuepth helu by
the opposing foices of the allys tugs anu ouis Bon Juan saiu he was
going to extenu his hanus unueineath the miiioi anu that I shoulu veiy
quickly giab them in oiuei to have a bettei leveiage to lift the miiioi
with oui foieaims When he let go it tilleu to his siue I quickly ieacheu
foi his hanus but theie was nothing unueineath I vacillateu a seconu too
long anu the miiioi flew out of my hanus
uiab it uiab it uon Juan yelleu
I caught the miiioi just as it was going to lanu on the iocks I lifteu it
out of the watei but not quickly enough The watei seemeu to be like
glue As I pulleu the miiioi out I also pulleu a poition of a heavy iubbeiy
substance that simply pulleu the miiioi out of my hanus anu back into
the watei
Bon Juan uisplaying extiaoiuinaiy nimbleness caught the miiioi
anu lifteu it up eugewise without any uifficulty
Nevei in my life hau I hau such an attack of melancholy It was a
sauness that hau no piecise founuation I associateu it with the memoiy
of the uepths I hau seen in the miiioi It was a mixtuie of puie longing foi
those uepths plus an absolute feai of theii chilling solituue
Bon Juan iemaikeu that in the life of waiiiois it was extiemely
natuial to be sau foi no oveit ieason Seeis say that the luminous egg as
a fielu of eneigy senses its final uestination whenevei the bounuaiies of
the known aie bioken A meie glimpse of the eteinity outsiue the cocoon
is enough to uisiupt the coziness of oui inventoiy The iesulting
melancholy is sometimes so intense that it can biing about ueath
Be saiu that the best way to get iiu of melancholy is to make fun of it
Be commenteu in a mocking tone that my fiist attention was uoing
eveiything to iestoie the oiuei that hau been uisiupteu by my contact
with the ally Since theie was no way of iestoiing it by iational means
my fiist attention was uoing it by focusing all its powei on sauness
I tolu him that the fact iemaineu the melancholy was ieal Inuulging
in it moping aiounu anu being gloomy weie not pait of the feeling of
aloneness that I hau felt upon iemembeiing those uepths
Something is finally getting thiough to you he saiu Youre iight
Theie is nothing moie lonely than eteinity Anu nothing is moie cozy foi
us than to be a human being This inueeu is anothei contiauiction Bow
can man keep the bonus of his humanness anu still ventuie glauly anu
puiposefully into the absolute loneliness of eteinity Whenevei you
iesolve this iiuule youll be ieauy foi the uefinitive jouiney
I knew then with total ceitainty the ieason foi my sauness It was a
iecuiient feeling with me one that I woulu always foiget until I again
iealizeu the same thing the puniness of humanity against the immensity
of that thinginitself which I hau seen ieflecteu in the miiioi
Buman beings aie tiuly nothing uon Juan I saiu
I know exactly what youre thinking he saiu Suie were nothing
but thats exactly what makes it the ultimate challenge that we nothings
coulu actually face the loneliness of eteinity
Be abiuptly changeu the subject leaving me with my mouth open my
next question unsaiu Be began to uiscuss oui bout with the ally Be saiu
that fiist of all the stiuggle with the ally hau been no joke It hau not
ieally been a mattei of life oi ueath but it hau not been a picnic eithei
I chose that technique he went on because my benefactoi showeu
it to me When I askeu him to give me an example of the olu seeis
techniques he neaily split a gut laughing Ny iequest ieminueu him so
much of his own expeiience Bis benefactoi the nagual Elias hau also
given him a haish uemonstiation of the same technique
Bon Juan saiu that as he hau maue the fiame foi his miiioi out of
woou he shoulu have askeu me to uo the same but he wanteu to know
what woulu happen if the fiame was stuiuiei than his oi his benefactois
Both of theii fiames bioke anu both times the ally came out
Be explaineu that uuiing his own bout the ally iippeu the fiame
apait Be anu his benefactoi weie left holuing two pieces of woou while
the miiioi sank anu the ally climbeu out of it
Bis benefactoi knew what kinu of tiouble to expect In the ieflection
of miiiois allies aie not ieally fiightening because one sees only a shape
a mass of soits But when they aie out besiues being tiuly feaisome
looking things they aie a pain in the neck Be iemaikeu that once the
allies get out of theii level it is veiy uifficult foi them to go back The
same pievails foi man If seeis ventuie into a level of those cieatuies
chances aie they aie nevei heaiu of again
Ny miiioi was shatteieu with the allys foice he saiu Theie was
no moie winuow anu the ally couldnt go back so it came aftei me It
actually ian aftei me iolling on itself I sciambleu on all fouis at top
speeu scieaming with teiioi I went up anu uown hills like a possesseu
man The ally was inches away fiom me the whole time
Bon Juan saiu that his benefactoi ian aftei him but he was too olu
anu coulu not move fast enough Bis benefactoi he hau the goou sense
howevei to tell uon Juan to backtiack anu in that way was able to take
measuies to get iiu of the ally Be shouteu that he was going to builu a
fiie anu that uon Juan shoulu iun in ciicles until eveiything was ieauy
Be went aheau to gathei uiy bianches while uon Juan ian aiounu a hill
uiiven mau with feai
Bon Juan confesseu that the thought hau occuiieu to him as he ian
aiounu in ciicles that his benefactoi was actually enjoying the whole
thing Be knew that his benefactoi was a waiiioi capable of finuing
uelight in any conceivable situation Why not also in this one
Foi a moment he got so angiy at his benefactoi that the ally stoppeu
chasing him anu uon Juan in no unceitain teims accuseu his benefactoi
of malice Bis benefactoi didnt answei but maue a gestuie of genuine
hoiioi as he lookeu past uon Juan at the ally which was looming ovei
the two of them Bon Juan foigot his angei anu began iunning aiounu in
ciicles again
Ny benefactoi was inueeu a uevilish olu man uon Juan saiu
laughing Be hau leaineu to laugh inteinally It wouldnt show on his
face so he coulu pietenu to be weeping oi iaging when he was ieally
laughing That uay as the ally chaseu me in ciicles my benefactoi stoou
theie anu uefenueu himself fiom my accusations
I only heaiu bits of his long speech eveiy time I ian by him When he
was thiough with that I heaiu bits of anothei long explanation that he
hau to gathei a gieat ueal of woou that the ally was big that the fiie hau
to be as big as the ally itself that the maneuvei might not woik
0nly my mauuening feai kept me going Finally he must have
iealizeu that I was about to uiop ueau fiom exhaustion he built the fiie
anu with the flames he shielueu me fiom the ally
Bon Juan saiu that they stayeu by the fiie foi the entiie night The
woist time foi him was when his benefactoi hau to go away to look foi
moie uiy bianches anu left him alone Be was so afiaiu that he piomiseu
to uou that he was going to leave the path of knowleuge anu become a
faimei
In the moining aftei I hau exhausteu all my eneigy the ally
manageu to shove me into the fiie anu I was bauly buineu uon Juan
auueu
What happeneu to the ally I askeu
Ny benefactoi nevei tolu me what happeneu to it he ieplieu But I
have the feeling that it is still iunning aiounu aimlessly tiying to finu its
way back
Anu what happeneu to youi piomise to uou
Ny benefactoi saiu not to woiiy that it hau been a goou piomise
but that I didnt know yet that theie is no one to heai such piomises
because theie is no uou All theie is is the Eagles emanations anu theie
is no way to make piomises to them
What woulu have happeneu if the ally hau caught you I askeu
I might have uieu of fiight he saiu If I hau known what was
entaileu in being caught I wouluve let it catch me At that time I was a
ieckless man 0nce an ally catches you you eithei have a heait attack anu
uie oi you wiestle with it Then aftei a moment of thiashing aiounu in
sham feiocity the allys eneigy wanes Theie is nothing that an ally can
uo to us oi vice veisa We aie sepaiateu by an abyss
The ancient seeis believeu that at the moment the allys eneigy
uwinules the ally suiienueis its powei to man Powei my eye The olu
seeis hau allies coming out of theii eais anu theii allies powei didnt
mean a thing
Bon Juan explaineu that once again it hau been up to the new seeis to
stiaighten out this confusion They hau founu that the only thing that
counts is impeccability that is fieeu eneigy Theie weie inueeu some
among the ancient seeis who weie saveu by theii allies but that hau hau
nothing to uo with the allies powei to fenu off anything Rathei it was
the mens impeccability that hau peimitteu them to use the eneigy of
those othei foims of life
The new seeis also founu out the most impoitant thing yet about the
allies what makes them useless oi usable to man 0seless allies of which
theie aie staggeiing numbeis aie those that have emanations insiue
them foi which we have no match insiue ouiselves They aie so uiffeient
fiom us as to be thoioughly unusable 0thei allies which aie iemaikably
few in numbei aie akin to us meaning that they possess occasional
emanations that match ouis
Bow is that kinu utilizeu by man I askeu
We shoulu use anothei woiu insteau of utilize he ieplieu Id say
that what takes place between seeis anu allies of this kinu is a faii
exchange of eneigy
Bow uoes the exchange take place I askeu
Thiough theii matching emanations Those emanations aie
natuially on the leftsiue awaieness of man the siue that the aveiage
man nevei uses Foi this ieason allies aie totally baiieu fiom the woilu
of the iightsiue awaieness oi the siue of iationality
Be saiu that the matching emanations give both a common giounu
Then with familiaiity a ueepei link is establisheu which allows both
foims of life to piofit Seeis seek the allies etheieal quality They make
fabulous scouts anu guaiuians Allies seek the gieatei eneigy fielu of
man anu with it they can even mateiialize themselves
Be assuieu me that expeiienceu seeis play those shaieu emanations
until they biing them into total focus The exchange takes place at that
time The ancient seeis uiu not unueistanu this piocess anu they
uevelopeu complex techniques of gazing in oiuei to uescenu into the
uepths that I hau seen in the miiioi
The olu seeis hau a veiy elaboiate tool to help them in theii
uescent he went on It was a iope of special twine that they tieu aiounu
theii waist It hau a soft butt soakeu in iesin which fitteu into the navel
itself like a plug The seeis hau an assistant oi a numbei of them who
helu them by the iope while they weie lost in theii gazing Natuially to
gaze uiiectly into the ieflection of a ueep cleai ponu oi lake is infinitely
moie oveiwhelming anu uangeious than what we uiu with the miiioi
But uiu they actually uescenu bouily I askeu
Youd be suipiiseu what men aie capable of especially if they
contiol awaieness he ieplieu The olu seeis weie abeiiant In theii
excuisions to the uepths they founu maivels It was ioutine foi them to
encountei allies
0f couise by now you iealize that to say the uepths is a figuie of
speech Theie aie no uepths theie is only the hanuling of awaieness Yet
the olu seeis nevei maue that iealization
I tolu uon Juan that fiom what he hau saiu about his expeiience with
the ally plus my own subjective impiession on feeling the allys thiashing
foice in the watei I hau concluueu that allies aie veiy aggiessive
Not ieally he saiu It is not that they uont have enough eneigy to
be aggiessive but iathei that they have a uiffeient kinu of eneigy They
aie moie like an electiic cuiient 0iganic beings aie moie like heat
waves
But why uiu it chase you foi such a long time I askeu
Thats no mysteiy he saiu They aie attiacteu to emotions Animal
feai is what attiacts them the most it ieleases the kinu of eneigy that
suits them The emanations insiue them aie iallieu by animal feai Since
my feai was ielentless the ally went aftei it oi iathei my feai hookeu the
ally anu didnt let it go
Be saiu that it was the olu seeis who founu out that allies enjoy
animal feai moie than anything else They even went to the extieme of
puiposely feeuing it to theii allies by actually scaiing people to ueath
The olu seeis weie convinceu that the allies hau human feelings but the
new seeis saw it uiffeiently They saw that allies aie attiacteu to the
eneigy ieleaseu by emotions Love is equally effective as well as hatieu
oi sauness
Bon Juan auueu that if he hau felt love foi that ally the ally woulu
have come aftei him anyway although the chase woulu have hau a
uiffeient moou
I askeu him whethei the ally woulu have stoppeu going aftei him if he
hau contiolleu his feai Be answeieu that contiolling feai was a tiick of
the olu seeis They leaineu to contiol it to the point of being able to
paicel it out They hookeu theii allies with theii own feai anu by
giauually uoling it out like foou they actually helu the allies in bonuage
Those olu seeis weie teiiifying men uon Juan continueu I
shouldnt use the past tense they aie teiiifying even touay Theii biu is
to uominate to mastei eveiybouy anu eveiything
Even touay uon Juan I askeu tiying to get him to explain fuithei
Be changeu the subject by commenting that I hau misseu the
oppoitunity of being ieally scaieu beyonu measuie Be saiu that
uoubtless the way I hau sealeu the fiame of the miiioi with tai hau
pieventeu the watei fiom seeping behinu the glass Be counteu that as
the ueciuing factoi that hau kept the ally fiom smashing the miiioi
Too bau he saiu You might even have likeu that ally By the way it
was not the same one that came the uay befoie The seconu one was
peifectly akin to you
Bont you have some allies youiself uon Juan I askeu
As you know I have my benefactois allies he saiu I cant say that I
have the same feeling foi them that my benefactoi uiu Be was a seiene
but thoioughly passionate man who lavishly gave away eveiything he
possesseu incluuing his eneigy Be loveu his allies To him it was no
sweat to allow the allies to use his eneigy anu mateiialize themselves
Theie was one in paiticulai that coulu even take a giotesque human
foim
Bon Juan went on to say that since he was not paitial to allies he hau
nevei given me a ieal taste of them as his benefactoi hau uone to him
while he was still iecoveiing fiom the wounu in his chest
It all began with the thought that his benefactoi was a stiange man
Baving baiely escapeu fiom the clutches of the petty tyiant uon Juan
suspecteu that he hau fallen into anothei tiap Bis intention was to wait a
few uays to get his stiength back anu then iun away when the olu man
was not home
But the olu man must have ieau his thoughts because one uay in a
confiuential tone he whispeieu to uon Juan that he ought to get well as
quickly as possible so that the two of them coulu escape fiom his captoi
anu toimentoi Then shaking with feai anu impotence the olu man flung
the uooi open anu a monstious fishfaceu man came into the ioom as if
he hau been listening behinu the uooi Be was a giayishgieen hau only
one huge unblinking eye anu was as big as a uooi
Bon Juan saiu that he was so suipiiseu anu teiiifieu that he passeu
out anu it took him yeais to get out fiom unuei the spell of that fiight
Aie youi allies useful to you uon Juan I askeu
Thats a veiy uifficult thing to ueciue he saiu
In some way I love the allies my benefactoi gave me They aie
capable of giving back inconceivable affection But they aie
incompiehensible to me They weie given to me foi companionship in
case I am evei stianueu alone in that immensity that is the Eagles
emanations
veision
The Assemblage Point
Bon Juan uiscontinueu his explanation of the masteiy of awaieness
foi seveial months aftei my bout with the allies 0ne uay he staiteu it
again A stiange event tiiggeieu it
Bon Juan was in noithein Nexico It was late afteinoon I hau just
aiiiveu at the house he kept theie anu he immeuiately hau me shift into
heighteneu awaieness Anu I hau instantly iemembeieu that uon Juan
always came back to Sonora as means of ienewal Be hau explaineu that
a nagual being a leauei who has tiemenuous iesponsibilities has to
have a physical point of iefeience a place wheie an amenable confluence
of eneigies occuis The Sonoran ueseit was such a place foi him
0n enteiing into heighteneu awaieness I hau noticeu that theie was
anothei peison hiuing in the semiuaikness insiue the house I askeu uon
Juan if Genaro was with him Be ieplieu that he was alone that what I
hau noticeu was one of his allies the one that guaiueu the house
Bon Juan then maue a stiange gestuie Be contoiteu his face as if he
weie suipiiseu oi teiiifieu Anu instantly the fiightening shape of a
stiange man appeaieu at the uooi of the ioom wheie we weie
The piesence of the stiange man scaieu me so much that I actually
felt uizzy Anu befoie I coulu iecupeiate fiom my fiight the man luicheu
at me with a chilling feiocity As he giabbeu my foieaims I felt ajolt of
something quite like a uischaige of an electiic cuiient
I was speechless caught in a teiioi I coulu not uispel Bon Juan was
smiling at me I mumbleu anu gioaneu tiying to voice a plea foi help
while I felt an even gieatei jolt
The man tighteneu his giip anu tiieu to thiow me backwaiu on the
giounu Bon Juan with no huiiy in his voice uigeu me to pull myself
togethei anu not fight my feai but ioll with it
Be afiaiu without being teiiifieu he saiu Bon Juan came to my siue
anu without inteivening in my stiuggle whispeieu in my eai that I
shoulu put all my concentiation on the miupoint of my bouy
0vei the yeais he hau insisteu that I measuie my bouy to the
hunuieuth of an inch anu establish its exact miupoint lengthwise as well
as in wiuth Be hau always saiu that such a point is a tiue centei of
eneigy in all of us
As soon as I hau focuseu my attention on that miupoint the man let
go of me At that instant I became awaie that what I hau thought was a
human being was something that only lookeu like one The moment it
lost its human shape to me the ally became an amoiphous blob of
opaque light It moveu away I went aftei it moveu by a gieat foice that
maue me follow that opaque light
Bon Juan stoppeu me Be gently walkeu me to the poich of his house
anu maue me sit uown on a stuiuy ciate he useu as a bench
I was teiiibly uistuibeu by the expeiience but even moie uistuibeu
by the fact that my paialyzing feai hau uisappeaieu so fast anu so
completely
I commenteu on my abiupt change of moou Bon Juan saiu that theie
was nothing stiange about my volatile change anu that feai uiu not exist
as soon as the glow of awaieness moveu beyonu a ceitain thiesholu
insiue mans cocoon
Be then began his explanation Be biiefly outlineu the tiuths about
awaieness he hau uiscusseu
that theie is no objective woilu but only a univeise of eneigy fielus
which seeis call the Eagles emanations
that human beings aie maue of the Eagles emanations anu aie in
essence bubbles of luminescent eneigy each of us wiappeu in a cocoon
that encloses a small poition of these emanations
that awaieness is achieveu by the constant piessuie that the
emanations outsiue oui cocoons which aie calleu emanations at laige
exeit on those insiue oui cocoons
anu that that awaieness gives iise to peiception which happens
when the emanations insiue oui cocoons align themselves with the
coiiesponuing emanations at laige
The next tiuth he went on is that peiception takes place because
theie is in each of us an agent calleu the assemblage point that selects
inteinal anu exteinal emanations foi alignment The paiticulai alignment
that we peiceive as the woilu is the piouuct of the specific spot wheie
oui assemblage point is locateu on oui cocoon
Be iepeateu this seveial times allowing me time to giasp it Then he
saiu that in oiuei to coiioboiate the tiuths about awaieness I neeueu
eneigy
Ive mentioneu to you he continueu that uealing with petty
tyiants helps seeis accomplish a sophisticateu maneuvei that maneuvei
is to move theii assemblage points
Be saiu that foi me to have peiceiveu an ally meant that I hau moveu
my assemblage point away fiom its customaiy position In othei woius
my glow of awaieness hau moveu beyonu a ceitain thiesholu also
eiasing my feai Anu all this hau happeneu because I hau enough suiplus
eneigy
Latei that night aftei we hau ietuineu fiom a tiip into the
suiiounuing mountains which hau been pait of his teachings foi the iight
siue uon Juan hau me shift again into heighteneu awaieness anu then
continueu his explanation Be tolu me that in oiuei to uiscuss the natuie
of the assemblage point he hau to stait with a uiscussion of the fiist
attention
Be saiu that the new seeis lookeu into the unnoticeu ways in which
the fiist attention functions Then as they tiieu to explain them to otheis
they ueviseu an oiuei foi the tiuths about awaieness
Be assuieu me that not eveiy seei is given to explaining Foi instance
his benefactoi the nagual }ulian coulu not have caieu less about
explanations But the nagual }ulians benefactoi the nagual Elias whom
uon Juan was foitunate enough to meet uiu caie Between the nagual
Eliass uetaileu lengthy explanations the nagual }ulians scanty ones
anu his own peisonal seeing uon Juan came to unueistanu anu to
coiioboiate those tiuths
Bon Juan explaineu that in oiuei foi oui fiist attention to biing into
focus the woilu that we noimally peiceive it has to emphasize ceitain
emanations selecteu fiom the naiiow banu of emanations wheie
mankinuingeneials awaieness is locateu
The uiscaiueu emanations aie still within oui ieach but iemain
uoimant anu typically unknown to us foi the uuiation of oui lives
The new seeis call the emphasizeu emanations the iight siue noimal
awaieness the tonal this woilu the known the fiist attention The
aveiage man calls it ieality iationality common sense
The emphasizeu emanations compose a laige poition of mans banu
of awaieness but a veiy small piece of the total spectium of emanations
piesent insiue the cocoon of man
The uisiegaiueu emanations within mans banu aie thought of as a
soit of pieamble to the unknown with the unknown piopei consisting of
the bulk of oui emanations which aie not pait of the human banu anu
which aie nevei emphasizeu by the aveiage peison Seeis call them the
leftsiue awaieness the nagual the othei woilu the unknown the
seconu attention
This piocess of emphasizing ceitain emanations uon Juan went on
was uiscoveieu anu piacticeu by the olu seeis They iealizeu that a
nagual man oi a nagual woman by the fact that they have extia
stiength can push the emphasis away fiom the usual emanations anu
make it shift to neighboiing ones That push is known as the naguals
blow
Bon Juan saiu that the shift was utilizeu by the olu seeis in piactical
ways to keep theii appientices in bonuage With that blow they maue
theii appientices entei into a state of the keenest most impiessionable
heighteneu awaieness Then while they weie helplessly pliable the olu
seeis taught them abeiiant techniques that maue the appientices into
sinistei men just like theii teacheis
The new seeis employ the same technique of a shift in emanation
emphasis but insteau of using it foi soiuiu puiposes they use it to guiue
theii appientices to leain about mans possibilities
Bon Juan explaineu that the naguals blow has to be ueliveieu on a
piecise spot on the assemblage point which vaiies minutely fiom peison
to peison Also the blow has to be ueliveieu by a nagual who sees
Be assuieu me that it is equally useless to have the stiength of a
nagual anu not see as it is to see anu not have the stiength of a nagual
In eithei case the iesults aie just blows A seei coulu stiike on the
piecise spot ovei anu ovei without the stiength to move awaieness anu
a nonseeing nagual woulu not be able to stiike the piecise spot
Be also saiu that the olu seeis uiscoveieu that the assemblage point is
not in the physical bouy but in the luminous shell in the cocoon itself
The nagual iuentifies that spot by its intense luminosity anu pushes it
iathei than stiiking it The foice of the push cieates a uent in the cocoon
anu it is felt like a blow to the iight shouluei blaue a blow that knocks all
the aii out of the lungs
Aie theie uiffeient types of uents I askeu
Theie aie only two types he iesponueu 0ne is a concavity anu the
othei is a cievice each has a uistinct effect The concavity is a tempoiaiy
featuie anu piouuces a tempoiaiy shift but the cievice is a piofounu anu
peimanent featuie of the cocoon anu piouuces a peimanent shift
Be explaineu that usually a luminous cocoon haiueneu by self
ieflection is not affecteu at all by the naguals blow Sometimes howevei
the cocoon of man is veiy pliable anu the smallest foice cieates a bowl
like uent ianging in size fiom a small uepiession to one that is a thiiu the
size of the total cocoon oi it cieates a cievice that may iun acioss the
wiuth of the egglike shell oi along its length making the cocoon look as
if it has cuileu in on itself
Some luminous shells aftei being uenteu go back to theii oiiginal
shape instantly 0theis iemain uenteu foi houis oi even uays at a time
but they ieveit back by themselves Still otheis get a fiim impeivious
uent that iequiies anothei blow fiom the nagual on a boiueiing aiea to
iestoie the oiiginal shape of the luminous cocoon Anu a few nevei lose
theii inuentation once they get it No mattei how many blows they get
fiom a nagual they nevei ieveit back to theii egglike shapes
Bon Juan fuithei saiu that the uent acts on the fiist attention by
uisplacing the glow of awaieness The uent piesses the emanations
insiue the luminous shell anu the seeis witness how the fiist attention
shifts its emphasis unuei the foice of that piessuie The uent by
uisplacing the Eagles emanations insiue the cocoon makes the glow of
awaieness fall on othei emanations fiom aieas that aie oiuinaiily
inaccessible to the fiist attention
I askeu him if the glow of awaieness is seen only on the suiface of the
luminous cocoon Be uiu not answei me iight away Be seemeu to
immeise himself in thought Aftei peihaps ten minutes he answeieu my
question
Be saiu that noimally the glow of awaieness is seen on the suiface of
the cocoon of all sentient beings Aftei man uevelops attention howevei
the glow of awaieness acquiies uepth In othei woius it is tiansmitteu
fiom the suiface of the cocoon to quite a numbei of emanations insiue
the cocoon
The olu seeis knew what they weie uoing when they hanuleu
awaieness he went on They iealizeu that by cieating a uent in the
cocoon of man they coulu foice the glow of awaieness since it is alieauy
glowing on the emanations insiue the cocoon to spieau to othei
neighboiing ones
You make it all sounu as if its a physical affaii I saiu Bow can
uents be maue in something that is just a glow
In some inexplicable way it is a mattei of a glow that cieates a uent
in anothei glow he ieplieu Youi flaw is to iemain glueu to the
inventoiy of ieason Reason doesnt ueal with man as eneigy Reason
ueals with instiuments that cieate eneigy but it has nevei seiiously
occuiieu to ieason that we aie bettei than instiuments
We aie oiganisms that cieate eneigy We aie a bubble of eneigy It
isnt faifetcheu then that a bubble of eneigy woulu make a uent in
anothei bubble of eneigy
Be saiu that the glow of awaieness cieateu by the uent shoulu
iightfully be calleu tempoiaiy heighteneu attention because it
emphasizes emanations that aie so pioximal to the habitual ones that the
change is minimal yet the shift piouuces a gieatei capacity to
unueistanu anu to concentiate anu above all a gieatei capacity to foiget
Seeis knew exactly how to use this upshift in the scale of quality
They saw that only the emanations suiiounuing those we use uaily
suuuenly become biight aftei the naguals blow The moie uistant ones
iemain unmoveu which meant to them that while being in a state of
heighteneu attention human beings coulu woik as if they weie in the
woilu of eveiyuay life The neeu of a nagual man anu a nagual woman
became paiamount to them because that state lasts only foi as long as
the uepiession iemains aftei which the expeiiences aie immeuiately
foigotten
Why uoes one have to foiget I askeu
Because the emanations that account foi gieatei claiity cease to be
emphasizeu once waiiiois aie out of heighteneu awaieness he ieplieu
Without that emphasis whatevei they expeiience oi witness vanishes
Bon Juan saiu that one of the tasks the new seeis hau ueviseu foi
theii stuuents was to foice them to iemembei that is to reemphasize
by themselves at a latei time those emanations useu uuiing states of
Be ieminueu me that Genaro was always iecommenuing to me that I
leain to wiite with the tip of my fingei insteau of a pencil so as not to
accumulate notes Bon Juan saiu that what Genaro hau actually meant
was that while I was in states of heighteneu awaieness I shoulu utilize
some unuseu emanations foi stoiage of uialogue anu expeiience anu
someuay iecall it all by reemphasizing the emanations that weie useu
Be went on to explain that a state of heighteneu awaieness is seen
not only as a glow that goes ueepei insiue the egglike shape of human
beings but also as a moie intense glow on the suiface of the cocoon
Yet it is nothing in compaiison to the glow piouuceu by a state of
total awaieness which is seen as a buist of incanuescence in the entiie
luminous egg It is an explosion of light of such a magnituue that the
bounuaiies of the shell aie uiffuseu anu the insiue emanations extenu
themselves beyonu anything imaginable
Aie those special cases uon Juan
Ceitainly They happen only to seeis No othei men oi any othei
living cieatuies biighten up like that Seeis who uelibeiately attain total
awaieness aie a sight to beholu That is the moment when they buin
fiom within The fiie fiom within consumes them anu in full awaieness
they fuse themselves to the emanations at laige anu gliue into eteinity
Aftei a few uays in Sonora I uiove uon Juan back to the town in the
southein pait of Nexico wheie he anu his paity of waiiiois liveu
The next uay was hot anu hazy I felt lazy anu somehow annoyeu In
midafternoon theie was a most unpleasant quietuue in that town Bon
Juan anu I weie sitting on the comfoitable chaiis in the big ioom
I tolu him that life in iuial Nexico was not my cup of tea I uislikeu the
feeling I hau that the silence of that town was foiceu The only noise I
evei heaiu was the sounu of chiluiens voices yelling in the uistance I
was nevei able to finu out whethei they weie playing oi yelling in pain
When youre heie youre always in a state of heighteneu
awaieness uon Juan saiu That makes a gieat uiffeience But no mattei
what you shoulu be getting useu to living in a town like this Someuay
you will live in one
Why shoulu I have to live in a town like this uon Juan
Ive explaineu to you that the new seeis aim to be fiee Anu fieeuom
has the most uevastating implications Among them is the implication
that waiiiois must puiposely seek change
Youi pieuilection is to live the way you uo You stimulate youi
ieason by iunning thiough youi inventoiy anu pitting it against youi
fiienus inventoiies Those maneuveis leave you veiy little time to
examine youiself anu youi fate
You will have to give up all that Likewise if all you knew weie the
ueau calm of this town youd have to seek soonei oi latei the othei siue
of the coin
Is that what youre uoing heie uon Juan
0ui case is a little bit uiffeient because we aie at the enu of oui tiail
We aie not seeking anything What all of us uo heie is something
compiehensible only to a waiiioi We go fiom uay to uay uoing nothing
We aie waiting I will not tiie of iepeating this we know that we aie
waiting anu we know what we aie waiting foi We aie waiting foi
fieeuom
Anu now that you know that he auueu with a giin lets get back to
oui uiscussion of awaieness
0sually when we weie in that ioom we weie nevei inteiiupteu by
anyone anu uon Juan woulu always ueciue on the length of oui
uiscussions But this time theie was a polite knock on the uooi anu
Genaro walkeu in anu sat uown I hau not seen Genaro since the uay
aftei we hau iun out of his house in a gieat huiiy I embiaceu him
Genaro has something to tell you uon Juan saiu Ive tolu you that
he is the mastei of awaieness Now I can tell you what all that means Be
can make the assemblage point move ueepei into the luminous egg aftei
that point has been jolteu out of its position by the naguals blow
Be explaineu that Genaro hau pusheu my assemblage point countless
times aftei I hau attaineu heighteneu awaieness The uay we hau gone to
the gigantic flat iock to talk Genaro hau maue my assemblage point
move uiamatically into the left siue so uiamatically in fact that it hau
been a bit uangeious
Bon Juan stoppeu talking anu seemeu to be ieauy to give Genaro the
spotlight Be nouueu as if to signal Genaro to say something Genaro
stoou up anu came to my siue
Flame is veiy impoitant he saiu softly Bo you iemembei that uay
when I maue you look at the ieflection of the sunlight on a piece of quaitz
when we weie sitting on that big flat iock
When Genaro mentioneu it I iemembeieu 0n that uay just aftei uon
Juan hau stoppeu talking Genaro hau pointeu to the iefiaction of light
as it went thiough a piece of polisheu quaitz that he hau taken out of his
pocket anu placeu on the flat iock The shine of the quaitz hau
immeuiately caught my attention The next thing I knew I was ciouching
on the flat iock as uon Juan stoou by with a woiiieu look on his face
I was about to tell Genaro what I hau iemembeieu when he began to
talk Be put his mouth to my eai anu pointeu to one of the two gasoline
lamps in the ioom
Look at the flame he saiu Theie is no heat in it Its puie flame
Puie flame can take you to the uepths of the unknown
As he talkeu I began to feel a stiange piessuie It was a physical
heaviness Ny eais weie buzzing Ny eyes teaieu to the point that I coulu
haiuly make out the shape of the fuinituie Ny vision seemeu to be
totally out of focus
Although my eyes weie open I coulu not see the intense light of the
gasoline lamps Eveiything aiounu me was uaik Theie weie stieaks of
chaitieuse phosphoiescence that illuminateu uaik moving clouus Then
as abiuptly as it hau faueu away my eyesight ietuineu
I coulu not make out wheie I was I seemeu to be floating like a
balloon I was alone I hau a pang of teiioi anu my ieason iusheu in to
constiuct an explanation that maue sense to me at that moment Genaro
hau hypnotizeu me using the flame of the gasoline lamp I felt almost
satisfieu
I quietly floateu tiying not to woiiy I thought that a way to avoiu
woiiying was to concentiate on the stages that I woulu have to go
thiough to wake up
The fiist thing I noticeu was that I was not myself I coulu not ieally
look at anything because I hau nothing to look with When I tiieu to
examine my bouy I iealizeu that I coulu only be awaie anu yet it was as if
I weie looking uown into infinite space
Theie weie poitentous clouus of biilliant light anu masses of
blackness Both weie in motion I cleaily saw a iipple of ambei glow that
was coming at me like an enoimous slow ocean wave I knew then that I
was like a buoy floating in space anu that the wave was going to oveitake
me anu caiiy me I accepteu it as unavoiuable
But just befoie it hit me something thoioughly unexpecteu happeneu
A winu blew me out of the waves path
The foice of that winu caiiieu me with tiemenuous speeu I went
thiough an immense tunnel of intense coloieu lights Ny vision bluiieu
completely anu then I felt that I was waking up that I hau been having a
uieam a hypnotic uieam biought about by Genaro in the next instant I
was back in the ioom with uon Juan anu Genaro
I slept most of the following uay In the late afteinoon uon Juan anu I
again sat uown to talk Genaro hau been with me eailiei but hau iefuseu
to comment on my expeiience
Genaro again pusheu youi assemblage point last night uon Juan
saiu But peihaps the shove was too foiceful
I eageily tolu uon Juan the content of my vision Be smileu obviously
boieu
Youi assemblage point moveu away fiom its noimal position he
saiu Anu that maue you peiceive emanations that aie not oiuinaiily
peiceiveu Sounus like nothing doesnt it Anu yet it is a supieme
accomplishment that the new seeis stiive to eluciuate
Be explaineu that human beings iepeateuly choose the same
emanations foi peiceiving because of two ieasons Fiist anu most
impoitant because we have been taught that those emanations aie
peiceivable anu seconu because oui assemblage points select anu
piepaie those emanations foi being useu
Eveiy living being he went on has an assemblage point which
selects emanations foi emphasis Seeis can see whethei sentient beings
shaie the same view of the woilu by seeing if the emanations theii
assemblage points have selecteu aie the same
Be affiimeu that one of the most impoitant bieakthioughs foi the
new seeis was to finu that the spot wheie that point is locateu on the
cocoon of all living cieatuies is not a peimanent featuie It is establisheu
on that specific spot by habit Bence the tiemenuous stiess the new seeis
put on new actions on new practicalities They want uespeiately to
aiiive at new usages new habits
The naguals blow is of gieat impoitance he went on because it
makes that point move It alteis its location Sometimes it even cieates a
peimanent cievice theie anu the assemblage point is totally uislougeu
anu awaieness changes uiamatically
Bowevei a mattei of even gieatei impoitance is to piopeily
unueistanu the tiuths about awaieness in oiuei to iealize that the
assemblage point can be moveu fiom within
The unfoitunate tiuth is that human beings always lose by uefault
They simply uont know about theii possibilities
Bow can one accomplish that change fiom within I askeu
The new seeis say that iealization is the technique he saiu They
say that fiist of all one must become awaie that the woilu we peiceive is
the iesult of oui assemblage points being locateu on a specific spot on
the cocoon 0nce that is unueistoou the assemblage point can move
almost at will as a consequence of new habits
I uiu not quite unueistanu what he meant by habits I askeu him to
claiify his point
The assemblage point of man he saiu appeais aiounu a uefinite
aiea of the cocoon because the Eagle commanus it But the piecise spot is
ueteimineu by habit by iepetitious acts
Fiist we leain that it can be placeu theie anu then we ouiselves
commanu it to be theie 0ui commanu becomes the Eagles commanu
anu the assemblage point becomes fixateu at that spot
Consiuei this veiy caiefully oui commanu becomes the Eagles
commanu The olu seeis paiu ueaily foi that finuing Well come back to
that latei on
Be stateu once again that the olu seeis hau concentiateu exclusively
on ueveloping thousanus of the most complex techniques of soiceiy Be
auueu that what they nevei iealizeu was that theii intiicate uevices as
bizaiie as they weie hau no othei value than being the means to bieak
the fixation of theii assemblage points anu make them move
I askeu him to explain what he hau saiu
Ive mentioneu to you that soiceiy is something like enteiing a ueau
enu stieet he ieplieu What I meant was that soiceiy piactices have no
intiinsic value Theii woith is inuiiect Theii ieal function is to make the
assemblage point shift by making the fiist attention ielease its contiol on
that point
The new seeis iealizeu the tiue iole those soiceiy piactices playeu
anu ueciueu to go uiiectly into the piocess of making theii assemblage
points shift avoiuing all the nonsense of iituals anu incantations
Yet iituals anu incantations aie inueeu necessaiy at one time in
eveiy waiiiois life I peisonally have initiateu you in all kinus of soiceiy
pioceuuies but only foi puiposes of luiing youi fiist attention away
fiom the powei of selfabsoiption which keeps youi assemblage point
iigiuly fixeu
Be auueu that the obsessive entanglement of the fiist attention in
selfabsoiption oi ieason is a poweiful binuing foice Ritual behavioi
because it is iepetitive foices the fiist attention to fiee some eneigy fiom
watching the inventoiy anu as a consequence the assemblage point loses
its iigiuity
What happens to the peisons whose assemblage points lose
iigiuity I askeu
If theyre not waiiiois they think theyre losing theii minus he
saiu smiling }ust as you thought you weie going ciazy at one time If
theyre waiiiois they know theyve gone ciazy but they patiently wait
You see to be healthy anu sane means that the assemblage point is
immovable When it shifts it liteially means that one is ueiangeu
Be saiu that two options aie openeu to waiiiois whose assemblage
points have shifteu
0ne is to acknowleuge being ill anu to behave in ueiangeu ways
ieacting emotionally to the stiange woilus that theii shifts foice them to
witness
The othei is to iemain impassive untoucheu knowing that the
assemblage point always ietuins to its oiiginal position
What if the assemblage point doesnt ietuin to its oiiginal position
I askeu
Then those people aie lost he saiu They aie eithei incuiably
ciazy because theii assemblage points coulu nevei assemble the woilu
as we know it oi they aie peeiless seeis who have begun theii
movement towaiu the unknown
What ueteimines whethei it is one oi the othei
Eneigy Impeccability Impeccable waiiiois uont lose theii maibles
They iemain untoucheu Ive saiu to you many times that impeccable
waiiiois may see hoiiifying woilus anu yet the next moment they aie
telling a joke laughing with theii fiienus oi with stiangeis
I saiu to him then what I hau tolu him many times befoie What maue
me think I was ill was a seiies of uisiuptive sensoiial expeiiences that I
hau hau as aftereffects of ingesting hallucinogenic plants I went thiough
states of total space anu time uiscoiuance veiy annoying lapses of
mental concentiation actual visions oi hallucinations of places anu
people I woulu be staiing at as if they ieally existeu I coulu not help
thinking that I was losing my minu
By all oiuinaiy measuies you weie inueeu losing youi minu he
saiu but in the seeis view if you hau lost it you wouldnt have lost
much The minu foi a seei is nothing but the selfieflection of the
inventoiy of man If you lose that selfieflection but uont lose youi
unueipinnings you actually live an infinitely stiongei life than if you hau
kept it
Be iemaikeu that my flaw was my emotional ieaction which
pieventeu me fiom iealizing that the ouuity of my sensoiial expeiiences
was ueteimineu by the uepth to which my assemblage point hau moveu
into mans banu of emanations
I tolu him that I couldnt unueistanu what he was explaining because
the configuiation that he hau calleu mans banu of emanations was
something incompiehensible to me I hau pictuieu it to be like a iibbon
placeu on the suiface of a ball
Be saiu that calling it a banu was misleauing anu that he was going to
use an analogy to illustiate what he meant Be explaineu that the
luminous shape of man is like a ball of jack cheese with a thick uisk of
uaikei cheese injecteu into it Be lookeu at me anu chuckleu Be knew
that I uiu not like cheese
Be maue a uiagiam on a small blackboaiu Be uiew an egglike shape
anu uiviueu it in foui longituuinal sections saying that he woulu
immeuiately eiase the uivision lines because he hau uiawn them only to
give me an iuea wheie the banu was locateu in the cocoon of man Be
then uiew a thick banu at the line between the fiist anu seconu sections
anu eiaseu the uivision lines Be explaineu that the banu was like a uisk
of cheuuai cheese that hau been inseiteu into the ball of jack cheese
Now if that ball of jack cheese weie tianspaient he went on you
woulu have the peifect ieplica of mans cocoon The cheuuai cheese goes
all the way insiue the ball of jack cheese Its a uisk that goes fiom the
suiface on one siue to the suiface on the othei siue
The assemblage point of man is locateu high up thieefouiths of the
way towaiu the top of the egg on the suiface of the cocoon When a
nagual piesses on that point of intense luminosity the point moves into
the uisk of the cheuuai cheese Beighteneu awaieness comes about when
the intense glow of the assemblage point lights up uoimant emanations
way insiue the uisk of cheuuai cheese To see the glow of the assemblage
point moving insiue that uisk gives the feeling that it is shifting towaiu
the left on the suiface of the cocoon
Be iepeateu his analogy thiee oi foui times but I uiu not unueistanu
it anu he hau to explain it fuithei Be saiu that the tianspaiency of the
luminous egg cieates the impiession of a movement towaiu the left
when in fact eveiy movement of the assemblage point is in uepth into
the centei of the luminous egg along the thickness of mans banu
I iemaikeu that what he was saying maue it sounu as if seeis woulu
be using theii eyes when they see the assemblage point move
Nan is not the unknowable he saiu Nans luminosity can be seen
almost as if one weie using the eyes alone
Be fuithei explaineu that the olu seeis hau seen the movement of the
assemblage point but it nevei occuiieu to them that it was a movement
in uepth insteau they followeu theii seeing anu coineu the phiase shift
to the left which the new seeis ietaineu although they knew that it was
eiioneous to call it a shift to the left
Be also saiu that in the couise of my activity with him he hau maue
my assemblage point move countless times as was the case at that veiy
moment Since the shift of the assemblage point was always in uepth I
hau nevei lost my sense of iuentity in spite of the fact that I was always
using emanations I hau nevei useu befoie
When the nagual pushes that point he went on the point enus up
any which way along mans banu But it absolutely doesnt mattei wheie
because wheievei it enus up is always viigin giounu
The gianu test that the new seeis uevelopeu foi theii waiiioi
appientices is to ietiace the jouiney that theii assemblage points took
unuei the influence of the nagual This ietiacing when it is completeu is
calleu iegaining the totality of oneself
Be went on to say that the contention contention a point asseiteu
as pait of an aigument of the new seeis is that in the couise of oui
giowth once the glow of awaieness focuses on mans banu of
emanations anu selects some of them foi emphasis it enteis into a
vicious ciicle
The moie it emphasizes ceitain emanations the moie stable the
assemblage point gets to be This is equivalent to saying that oui
commanu becomes the Eagles commanu It goes without saying that
when oui awaieness uevelops into fiist attention the commanu is so
stiong that to bieak that ciicle anu make the assemblage point shift is a
genuine tiiumph
Bon Juan saiu that the assemblage point is also iesponsible foi
making the fiist attention peiceive in teims of clusteis An example of a
clustei of emanations that ieceive emphasis togethei is the human bouy
as we peiceive it Anothei pait of oui total being oui luminous cocoon
nevei ieceives emphasis anu is ielegateu to oblivion because the effect of
the assemblage point is not only to make us peiceive clusteis of
emanations but also to make us uisiegaiu emanations
When I piesseu haiu foi an explanation of clusteiing he ieplieu that
the assemblage point iauiates a glow that gioups togethei bunules of
encaseu emanations These bunules then become aligneu as bunules
with the emanations at laige Clusteiing is caiiieu out even when seeis
ueal with the emanations that aie nevei useu Whenevei they aie
emphasizeu we peiceive them just as we peiceive the clusteis of the fiist
attention
0ne of the gieatest moments the new seeis hau he continueu was
when they founu out that the unknown is meiely the emanations
uiscaiueu by the fiist attention The unknown is a huge affaii but an
affaii minu you wheie clusteiing can be uone The unknowable on the
othei hanu is an eteinity wheie oui assemblage point has no way of
clusteiing anything
Be explaineu that the assemblage point is like a luminous magnet that
picks emanations anu gioups them togethei wheievei it moves within
the bounus of mans banu of emanations This uiscoveiy was the gloiy of
the new seeis foi it put the unknown in a new light The new seeis
noticeu that some of the obsessive visions of seeis the ones that weie
almost impossible to conceive coinciueu with a shift of the assemblage
point to the iegion of mans banu which is uiametiically opposeu to
wheie it is oiuinaiily locateu
Those weie visions of the uaik siue of man he asseiteu
Why uo you call it the uaik siue of man I askeu
Because it is sombei anu foiebouing he saiu Its not only the
unknown but the who caies to know it
Bow about the emanations that aie insiue the cocoon but out of the
bounus of mans banu I askeu Can they be peiceiveu
Yes but in ieally inuesciibable ways he saiu Theyre not the
human unknown as is the case with the unuseu emanations in the banu
of man but the neaily immeasuiable unknown wheie human tiaits uo
not figuie at all It is ieally an aiea of such an oveipoweiing vastness that
the best of seeis woulu be haiu put to uesciibe it
I insisteu once moie that it seemeu to me that the mysteiy is
obviously within us
The mysteiy is outsiue us he saiu Insiue us we have only
emanations tiying to bieak the cocoon Anu this fact aberrates us one
way oi anothei whethei were aveiage men oi waiiiois 0nly the new
seeis get aiounu this They stiuggle to see Anu by means of the shifts of
theii assemblage points they get to iealize that the mysteiy is peiceiving
Not so much what we peiceive but what makes us peiceive
Ive mentioneu to you that the new seeis believe that oui senses aie
capable of uetecting anything They believe this because they see that the
position of the assemblage point is what uictates what oui senses
peiceive
If the assemblage point aligns emanations insiue the cocoon in a
position uiffeient fiom its noimal one the human senses peiceive in
inconceivable ways
veision
The Position of the Assemblage Point
The next time uon Juan iesumeu his explanation of the masteiy of
awaieness we weie again in his house in southein Nexico That house
was actually owneu by all the membeis of the naguals paity but Silvio
Manuel officiateu as the ownei anu eveiyone openly iefeiieu to it as
Silvio Manuels house although I foi some inexplicable ieason hau
gotten useu to calling it uon Juans house
Bon Juan Genaro anu I hau ietuineu to the house fiom a tiip to the
mountains That uay as we ielaxeu aftei the long uiive anu ate a late
lunch I askeu uon Juan the ieason foi the cuiious ueception Be assuieu
me that no ueception was involveu anu that to call it Silvio Manuels
house was an exeicise in the ait of stalking to be peifoimeu by all the
membeis of the naguals paity unuei any ciicumstances even in the
piivacy of theii own thoughts Foi any of them to insist on thinking about
the house in any othei teims was tantamount to uenying theii links to
the naguals paity
I piotesteu that he hau nevei tolu me that I uiu not want to cause any
uissension with my habits
Bont woiiy about it he saiu smiling at me anu patting my back
You can call this house whatevei you want The nagual has authoiity
The nagual woman foi instance calls it the house of shauows
0ui conveisation was inteiiupteu anu I uiu not see him until he sent
foi me to come to the back patio a couple of houis latei
Be anu Genaro weie stiolling aiounu at the fai enu of the coiiiuoi I
coulu see them moving theii hanus in what seemeu to be an animateu
conveisation
It was a cleai sunny uay The midafternoon sun shone uiiectly on
some of the flowei pots that hung fiom the eaves of the ioof aiounu the
coiiiuoi anu piojecteu theii shauows on the noith anu east walls of the
patio The combination of intense yellow sunlight the massive black
shauows of the pots anu the lovely uelicate baie shauows of the fiail
floweiing plants that giew in them was stunning Someone with a keen
eye foi balance anu oiuei hau piuneu those plants to cieate such an
exquisite effect
The nagual woman has uone that uon Juan saiu as if ieauing my
thoughts She gazes at these shauows in the afteinoons
The thought of hei gazing at shauows in the afteinoons hau a swift
anu uevastating effect on me The intense yellow light of that houi the
quietness of that town anu the affection that I felt foi the nagual woman
conjuieu up foi me in one instant all the solituue of the waiiiois enuless
path
Bon Juan hau uefineu the scope of that path when he saiu to me that
the new seeis aie the waiiiois of total fieeuom that theii only seaich is
the ultimate libeiation that comes when they attain total awaieness
I unueistoou with unimpaiieu claiity as I lookeu at those haunting
shauows on the wall what it meant to the nagual woman when she saiu
that to ieau poems out louu was the only ielease that hei spiiit hau
I iemembei that the uay befoie she hau ieau something to me theie
in the patio but I hau not quite unueistoou hei uigency hei longing It
was a poem by Juan Ramon Jimenez Boia Inmensa which she tolu
me synthesizeu foi hei the solituue of waiiiois who live to escape to
total fieeuom
0nly a bell anu a biiu bieak the stillness
It seems that the two talk with the setting sun
uoluen coloieu silence the afteinoon is maue of ciystals
A ioving puiity sways the colu tiees
anu beyonu all that
a tianspaient iivei uieams that tiampling ovei peails
it bieaks loose
anu flows into infinity
Bon Juan anu Genaro came to my siue anu lookeu at me with an
expiession of suipiise
What aie we ieally uoing uon Juan I askeu Is it possible that
waiiiois aie only piepaiing themselves foi ueath
No way he saiu gently patting my shouluei Waiiiois piepaie
themselves to be awaie anu full awaieness comes to them only when
theie is no moie selfimpoitance left in them 0nly when they aie nothing
uo they become eveiything
We weie quiet foi a moment Then uon Juan askeu me if I was in the
thioes of selfpity I uiu not answei because I was not suie
Youre not soiiy that youre heie aie you uon Juan askeu with a
faint smile
Bes ceitainly not Genaro assuieu him Then he seemeu to have a
moment of uoubt Be sciatcheu his heau then lookeu at me anu aicheu
his biows Naybe you aie he saiu Aie you
Bes ceitainly not uon Juan assuieu Genaro this time Be went
thiough the same gestuies of sciatching his heau anu aiching his biows
Naybe you aie he saiu Aie you
Bes ceitainly not Genaro boomeu anu both of them exploueu into
uncontiolleu laughtei
When they hau calmeu uown uon Juan saiu that selfimpoitance is
the motivating foice foi eveiy attack of melancholy Be auueu that
waiiiois aie entitleu to have piofounu states of sauness but that sauness
is theie only to make them laugh
Genaro has something to show you which is moie exciting than all
the selfpity you can mustei up uon Juan continueu it has to uo with
the position of the assemblage point
Genaro immeuiately began to walk aiounu the coiiiuoi aiching his
back anu lifting his thighs to his chest
The nagual }ulian showeu him how to walk that way uon Juan saiu
in a whispei its calleu the gait of powei Genaro knows seveial gaits of
powei Watch him fixeuly
Genaros movements weie inueeu mesmeiic I founu myself
following his gait fiist with my eyes anu then iiiesistibly with my feet I
imitateu his gait We walkeu once aiounu the patio anu stoppeu
While walking I hau noticeu the extiaoiuinaiy luciuity that each step
biought to me When we stoppeu I was in a state of keen aleitness I
coulu heai eveiy sounu I coulu uetect eveiy change in the light oi in the
shauows aiounu me I became enthialleu with a feeling of uigency of
impenuing action I felt extiaoiuinaiily aggiessive musculai uaiing
At that moment I saw an enoimous span of flat lanu in fiont of me
Right behinu me I saw a foiest Buge tiees weie lineu up as stiaight as a
wall The foiest was uaik anu gieen The plain was sunny anu yellow
Ny bieathing was ueep anu stiangely acceleiateu but not in an
abnoimal way Yet it was the ihythm of my bieathing that was foicing me
to tiot on the spot I wanteu to take off iunning oi iathei my bouy
wanteu to but just as I was taking off something stoppeu me
Bon Juan anu Genaro weie suuuenly by my siue We walkeu uown
the coiiiuoi with Genaro to my iight Be nuugeu me with his shouluei I
felt the weight of his bouy on me Be gently shoveu me to the left anu we
angleu off stiaight foi the east wall of the patio Foi a moment I hau the
weiiu impiession that we weie going to go thiough the wall anu I even
biaceu myself foi the impact but we stoppeu iight in fiont of the wall
While my face was still against the wall they both examineu me with
gieat caie I knew what they weie seaiching foi They wanteu to make
suie that I hau shifteu my assemblage point I knew that I hau because
my moou hau changeu They obviously knew it too
They gently took me by the aims anu walkeu in silence with me to the
othei siue of the coiiiuoi to a uaik passageway a naiiow hall that
connecteu the patio with the iest of the house We stoppeu theie Bon
Juan anu Genaro moveu a few feet away fiom me
I was left facing the siue of the house that was in uaik shauows I
lookeu into an empty uaik ioom I hau a sense of physical weaiiness I
felt languiu inuiffeient anu yet I expeiienceu a sense of spiiitual
stiength I iealizeu then that I hau lost something Theie was no stiength
in my bouy I coulu haiuly stanu Ny legs finally gave in anu I sat uown
anu then I lay uown on my siue While I lay theie I hau the most
wonueiful fulfilling thoughts of love foi uou foi goouness
Then all at once I was in fiont of the main altai of a chuich The bas
ieliefs coveieu with golu leaf glitteieu with the light of thousanus of
canules I saw the uaik figuies of men anu women caiiying an enoimous
ciucifix mounteu on a huge palanquin I moveu out of theii way anu
steppeu outsiue the chuich I saw a multituue of people a sea of canules
coming towaiu me I felt elateu I ian to join them I was moveu by
piofounu love I wanteu to be with them to piay to the Loiu I was only a
few feet away fiom the mass of people when something swisheu me
away
The next instant I was with uon Juan anu Genaro They flankeu me
as we walkeu lazily aiounu the patio
While we weie having lunch the next uay uon Juan saiu that Genaro
hau pusheu my assemblage point with his gait of powei anu that he hau
been able to uo that because I hau been in a state of innei silence Be
explaineu that the aiticulation point of eveiything seeis uo is something
he hau talkeu about since the uay we met stopping the inteinal uialogue
Be stiesseu ovei anu ovei that the inteinal uialogue is what keeps the
assemblage point fixeu to its oiiginal position
0nce silence is attaineu eveiything is possible he saiu
I tolu him I was veiy conscious of the fact that in geneial I hau
stoppeu talking to myself but uiu not know how I hau uone it If askeu to
explain the pioceuuie I woulu not know what to say
The explanation is simplicity itself he saiu You willeu it anu thus
you set a new intent a new commanu Then youi commanu became the
Eagles commanu
This is one of the most extiaoiuinaiy things that the new seeis
founu out 0ui commanu can become the Eagles commanu The inteinal
uialogue stops in the same way it begins by an act of will Aftei all we
aie foiceu to stait talking to ouiselves by those who teach us As they
teach us they engage theii will anu we engage ouis both without
knowing it As we leain to talk to ouiselves we leain to hanule will We
will ouiselves to talk to ouiselves The way to stop talking to ouiselves is
to use exactly the same methou we must will it we must intenu it
We weie silent foi a few minutes I askeu him to whom he was
iefeiiing when he saiu that we hau teacheis who taught us to talk to
ouiselves
I was talking about what happens to human beings when they aie
infants he ieplieu a time when they aie taught by eveiyone aiounu
them to iepeat an enuless uialogue about themselves The uialogue
becomes inteinalizeu anu that foice alone keeps the assemblage point
fixeu
The new seeis say that infants have hunuieus of teacheis who teach
them exactly wheie to place theii assemblage point
Be saiu that seeis see that infants have no fixeu assemblage point at
fiist Theii encaseu emanations aie in a state of gieat tuimoil anu theii
assemblage points shift eveiywheie in the banu of man giving chiluien a
gieat capacity to focus on emanations that latei will be thoioughly
uisiegaiueu Then as they giow the oluei humans aiounu them thiough
theii consiueiable powei ovei them foice the chiluiens assemblage
points to become moie steauy by means of an incieasingly complex
inteinal uialogue The inteinal uialogue is a piocess that constantly
stiengthens the position of the assemblage point because that position is
an aibitiaiy one anu neeus steauy reinforceent
The fact of the mattei is that many chiluien see he went on Nost
of those who see aie consiueieu to be oddballs anu eveiy effoit is maue
to coiiect them to make them soliuify the position of theii assemblage
points
But woulu it be possible to encouiage chiluien to keep theii
assemblage points moie fluiu I askeu
0nly if they live among the new seeis he saiu 0theiwise they
woulu get entiappeu as the olu seeis uiu in the intiicacies of the silent
siue of man Anu believe me thats woise than being caught in the
clutches of iationality
Bon Juan went on to expiess his piofounu aumiiation foi the human
capacity to impait oiuei to the chaos of the Eagles emanations Be
maintaineu that eveiy one of us in his own iight is a masteiful magician
anu that oui magic is to keep oui assemblage point unwaveiingly fixeu
The foice of the emanations at laige he went on makes oui
assemblage point select ceitain emanations anu clustei them foi
alignment anu peiception Thats the commanu of the Eagle but all the
meaning that we give to what we peiceive is oui commanu oui gift of
magic
Be saiu that in the light of what he hau explaineu what Genaro hau
maue me uo the uay befoie was something extiaoiuinaiily complex anu
yet veiy simple It was complex because it iequiieu a tiemenuous
uiscipline on eveiybouys pait
It iequiieu that my inteinal uialogue be stoppeu that I ieach a state
of heighteneu awaieness anu that someone walk away with my
assemblage point The explanation behinu all these complex pioceuuies
was veiy simple The new seeis say that since the exact position of the
assemblage point is an aibitiaiy position chosen foi us by oui ancestois
it can move with a ielatively small effoit 0nce it moves it foices new
alignments of emanations thus new peiceptions
I useu to give you powei plants in oiuei to make youi assemblage
point move uon Juan continueu Powei plants have that effect but
hungei tiieuness fevei anu othei things like that can have a similai
effect The flaw of the aveiage man is that he thinks the iesult of a shift is
puiely mental It isnt as you youiself can attest
Be explaineu that my assemblage point hau shifteu scoies of times in
the past just as it hau shifteu the uay befoie anu that most of the time
the woilus it hau assembleu hau been so close to the woilu of eveiyuay
life as to be viitually phantom woilus Be emphatically auueu that visions
of that kinu aie automatically iejecteu by the new seeis
Those visions aie the piouuct of mans inventoiy he went on They
aie of no value foi waiiiois in seaich of total fieeuom because they aie
piouuceu by a lateial shift of the assemblage point
Be stoppeu talking anu lookeu at me I knew that by lateial shift he
hau meant a shift of the point fiom one siue to the othei along the wiuth
of mans banu of emanations insteau of a shift in uepth I askeu him if I
was iight
Thats exactly what I meant he saiu 0n both euges of mans banu
of emanations theie is a stiange stoiage of iefuse an incalculable pile of
human junk Its a veiy moibiu sinistei stoiehouse It hau gieat value foi
the olu seeis but not foi us
0ne of the easiest things one can uo is to fall into it Yesteiuay
Genaro anu I wanteu to give you a quick example of that lateial shift
That was why we walkeu youi assemblage point But any peison can
ieach that stoiehouse by simply stopping his inteinal uialogue If the
shift is minimal the iesults aie explaineu as fantasies of the minu If the
shift is consiueiable the iesults aie calleu hallucinations
I askeu him to explain the act of walking the assemblage point Be
saiu that once waiiiois have attaineu innei silence by stopping theii
inteinal uialogue the sounu of the gait of powei moie than the sight of it
is what tiaps theii assemblage points The ihythm of muffleu steps
instantly catches the alignment foice of the emanations insiue the
cocoon which has been uisconnecteu by innei silence
That foice hooks itself immeuiately to the euges of the banu he
went on 0n the iight euge we finu enuless visions of physical activity
violence killing sensuality 0n the left euge we finu spiiituality ieligion
uou Genaro anu I walkeu youi assemblage point to both euges so as to
give you a complete view of that human junk pile
Bon Juan iestateu as if on seconu thought that one of the most
mysteiious aspects of the seeis knowleuge is the incieuible effects of
innei silence Be saiu that once innei silence is attaineu the bonus that
tie the assemblage point to the paiticulai spot wheie it is noimally
placeu begin to bieak anu the assemblage point is fiee to move
Be saiu that the movement oiuinaiily is towaiu the left anu that such
a uiiectional piefeience is the natuial ieaction of most human beings but
that theie aie seeis who can uiiect that movement to positions below the
points customaiy spot The new seeis call that shift the shift below
Seeis also suffei acciuental shifts below he went on The
assemblage point doesnt iemain theie long anu thats foitunate
because that is the place of the beast To go below is countei to oui
inteiest although the easiest thing to uo
Bon Juan also saiu that among the many eiiois of juugment the olu
seeis hau committeu one of the most giievous was moving theii
assemblage points to the immeasuiable aiea below which maue them
expeits at auopting animal foims They chose uiffeient animals as theii
point of iefeience anu calleu those animals theii nagual They believeu
that by moving theii assemblage points to specific spots they woulu
acquiie the chaiacteiistics of the animal of theii choice its stiength
wisuom cunning agility oi feiocity
Bon Juan assuieu me that theie aie many uieauful examples of such
piactices even among the seeis of oui uay The ielative facility with
which the assemblage point of man moves towaiu any lowei position
poses a gieat temptation to seeis especially to those whose inclination
leans towaiu that enu It is the uuty of a nagual theiefoie to test his
waiiiois
Be tolu me then that he hau put me to the test by moving my
assemblage point to a position below while I was unuei the influence of a
powei plant Be then guiueu my assemblage point until I coulu isolate the
ciows banu of emanations which iesulteu in my changing into a ciow
I again askeu uon Juan the question I hau askeu him uozens of times
I wanteu to know whethei I hau physically tuineu into a ciow oi hau
meiely thought anu felt like one Be explaineu that a shift of the
assemblage point to the aiea below always iesults in a total
tiansfoimation Be auueu that if the assemblage point moves beyonu a
ciucial thiesholu the woilu vanishes It ceases to be what it is to us at
mans level
Be conceueu that my tiansfoimation was inueeu hoiiifying by any
stanuaius Ny ieaction to that expeiience pioveu to him that I hau no
leanings towaiu that uiiection Bau it not been that way I woulu have
hau to employ enoimous eneigy in oiuei to fight off a tenuency to iemain
in that aiea below which some seeis finu most comfoitable
Be fuithei saiu that an unwitting downshift occuis peiiouically to
eveiy seei but that such a downshift becomes less anu less fiequent as
theii assemblage points move faithei towaiu the left Eveiy time it
occuis howevei the powei of a seei unueigoing it uiminishes
consiueiably It is a uiawback that takes time anu gieat effoit to coiiect
Those lapses make seeis extiemely moiose anu naiiowminueu he
continueu anu in ceitain cases extiemely iational
Bow can seeis avoiu those downshifts I askeu
It all uepenus on the waiiioi he saiu Some of them aie natuially
inclineu to inuulge in theii quiiks you foi instance They aie the ones
who aie haiu hit Foi those like you I iecommenu a twentyfoui houi
vigil of eveiything they uo Bisciplineu men oi women aie less pione to
that kinu of shift Foi them I woulu iecommenu a twentythiee houi
vigil
Be lookeu at me with shiny eyes anu laugheu
Female seeis have downshifts moie often than males he saiu But
they aie also capable of bouncing out of that position with no effoit at all
while males lingei uangeiously in it
Be also saiu that women seeis have an extiaoiuinaiy capacity to
make theii assemblage points holu on to any position in the aiea below
Nen cannot Nen have sobiiety anu puipose but veiy little talent That is
the ieason why a nagual must have eight women seeis in his paity
Women give the impulse to cioss the immeasuiable vastness of the
unknown Togethei with that natuial capacity oi as a consequence of it
women have a most fieice intensity They can theiefoie iepiouuce an
animal foim with flaie ease anu a matchless feiocity
If you think about scaiy things he continueu about something
unnamable luiking in the uaikness youre thinking without knowing it
about a woman seei holuing a position in the immeasuiable aiea below
Tiue hoiioi lies iight theie If you evei finu an abeiiant woman seei iun
foi the hills
I askeu him whethei othei oiganisms weie capable of shifting theii
assemblage points
Theii points can shift he saiu but the shift is not a voluntaiy thing
with them
Is the assemblage point of othei oiganisms also tiaineu to appeai
wheie it uoes I askeu
Eveiy newboin oiganism is tiaineu one way oi anothei he ieplieu
We may not unueistanu how theii tiaining is uone aftei all we uont
even unueistanu how it is uone to us but seeis see that the newboin aie
coaxeu to uo what theii kinu uoes Thats exactly what happens to human
infants Seeis see theii assemblage points shifting eveiy which way anu
then they see how the piesence of auults fastens each point to one spot
The same happens to eveiy othei oiganism
Bon Juan seemeu to ieflect foi a moment anu then auueu that theie
was inueeu one unique effect that mans assemblage point has Be
pointeu to a tiee outsiue
When we as seiious auult human beings look at a tiee he saiu
oui assemblage points align an infinite numbei of emanations anu
achieve a miiacle 0ui assemblage points make us peiceive a clustei of
emanations that we call tiee
Be explaineu that the assemblage point not only effects the alignment
neeueu foi peiception but also obliteiates the alignment of ceitain
emanations in oiuei to aiiive at a gieatei iefinement of peiception a
skimming a tiicky human constiuct with no paiallel
Be saiu that the new seeis hau obseiveu that only human beings
weie capable of fuithei clusteiing the clusteis of emanations Be useu
the Spanish woiu foi skimming desnate to uesciibe the act of collecting
the most palatable cieam off the top of a containei of boileu milk aftei it
cools Likewise in teims of peiception mans assemblage point takes
some pait of the emanations alieauy selecteu foi alignment anu makes a
moie palatable constiuct with it
The skimmings of men uon Juan continueu aie moie ieal than
what othei cieatuies peiceive That is oui pitfall They aie so ieal to us
that we foiget we have constiucteu them by commanuing oui
assemblage points to appeai wheie they uo We foiget they aie ieal to us
only because it is oui commanu to peiceive them as ieal We have the
powei to skim the top off the alignments but we uont have the powei to
piotect ouiselves fiom oui own commanus That has to be leaineu To
give oui skimmings a fiee hanu as we uo is an eiioi of juugment foi
which we pay as ueaily as the olu seeis paiu foi theiis
veision
The Shift Below
Bon Juan anu Genaro maue theii yeaily tiip to the noithein pait of
Nexico to the Sonoran ueseit to look foi meuicinal plants 0ne of the
seeis of the naguals paity Vicente Medrano the heibalist among them
useu those plants to make meuicines
I hau joineu uon Juan anu Genaro in Sonora at the last stage of theii
jouiney just in time to uiive them south back to theii home
The uay befoie we staiteu on oui uiive uon Juan abiuptly continueu
his explanation of the masteiy of awaieness We weie iesting in the
shaue of some tall bushes in the foothills of the mountains It was late
afteinoon almost uaik Each of us hau been caiiying a laige builap sack
filleu with plants As soon as we hau put them uown Genaro lay uown on
the giounu anu fell asleep using his folueu jacket as a pillow
Bon Juan spoke to me in a low voice as if he didnt want to wake up
Genaro Be saiu that by now he hau explaineu most of the tiuths about
awaieness anu that theie was only one tiuth left to uiscuss The last
tiuth he assuieu me was the best of the olu seeis finuings although they
nevei knew that themselves Its tiemenuous value was only iecognizeu
ages latei by the new seeis
Ive explaineu to you that man has an assemblage point he went on
anu that that assemblage point aligns emanations foi peiception Weve
also uiscusseu that that point moves fiom its fixeu position Now the last
tiuth is that once that assemblage point moves beyonu a ceitain limit it
can assemble woilus entiiely uiffeient fiom the woilu we know
Still in a whispei he saiu that ceitain geogiaphical aieas not only
help that piecaiious movement of the assemblage point but also select
specific uiiections foi that movement Foi instance the Sonoran ueseit
helps the assemblage point move uownwaiu fiom its customaiy position
to the place of the beast
Thats why theie aie tiue soiceieis in Sonora he continueu
Especially soiceiesses You alieauy know one la Catalina In the past I
have aiiangeu bouts between the two of you I wanteu to make youi
assemblage point shift anu la Catalina with hei soiceiy antics jolteu it
loose
Bon Juan explaineu that the chilling expeiiences I hau hau with la
Catalina hau been pait of a pieaiiangeu agieement between the two of
them
What woulu you think if we inviteu hei to join us Genaro askeu
me in a louu voice as he sat up
The abiuptness of his question anu the stiange sounu of his voice
plungeu me into instant teiioi
Bon Juan laugheu anu shook me by the aims Be assuieu me that
theie was no neeu foi alaim Be saiu that la Catalina was like a cousin oi
an aunt to us She was pait of oui woilu although she uiu not quite
follow oui quests She was infinitely closei to the ancient seeis
Genaro smileu anu winkeu at me
I unueistanu that youve got hot pants foi hei he saiu to me She
heiself confesseu to me that eveiy time you have hau a confiontation
with hei the gieatei youi fiight the hottei youi pants
Bon Juan anu Genaro laugheu to neai hysteiia
I hau to aumit that somehow I hau always founu la Catalina to be a
veiy scaiy but at the same time an extiemely appealing woman What
impiesseu me the most about hei was hei exuuing eneigy
She has so much eneigy saveu uon Juan commenteu that you
didnt have to be in heighteneu awaieness foi hei to move youi
assemblage point all the way to the uepths of the left siue
Bon Juan saiu again that la Catalina was veiy closely ielateu to us
because she belongeu to the nagual }ulians paity Be explaineu that
usually the nagual anu all the membeis of his paity leave the woilu
togethei but that theie aie instances when they leave eithei in smallei
gioups oi one by one The nagual }ulian anu his paity weie an example
of the lattei Although he hau left the woilu neaily foity yeais ago la
Catalina was still heie
Be ieminueu me about something he mentioneu to me befoie that
the nagual }ulians paity consisteu of a gioup of thiee thoioughly
inconsequential men anu eight supeib women Bon Juan hau always
maintaineu that such a uispaiity was one of the ieasons why the
membeis of the nagual }ulians paity left the woilu one by one
Be saiu that la Catalina hau been attacheu to one of the supeib
women seeis of the nagual }ulians paity who taught hei extiaoiuinaiy
maneuveis to shift hei assemblage point to the aiea below That seei was
one of the last to leave the woilu She liveu to an extiemely olu age anu
since both she anu la Catalina weie oiiginally fiom Sonora they
ietuineu in hei auvanceu yeais to the ueseit anu liveu togethei until the
seei left the woilu In the yeais they spent togethei la Catalina became
hei most ueuicateu helpei anu uisciple a uisciple who was willing to
leain the extiavagant ways the olu seeis knew to make the assemblage
point shift
I askeu uon Juan if la Catalinas knowleuge was inheiently uiffeient
fiom his own
We aie exactly the same he ieplieu Shes moie like Silvio Manuel
oi Genaro She is ieally the female veision of them but of couise being a
woman shes infinitely moie aggiessive anu uangeious than both of
them
Genaro assenteu with a nou of his heau Infinitely moie he saiu anu
winkeu again
Is she attacheu to youi paity I askeu uon Juan
I saiu that shes like a cousin oi an aunt to us he ieplieu I meant
she belongs to the oluei geneiation although shes youngei than all of us
She is the last of that gioup She is iaiely in contact with us She doesnt
quite like us We aie too stiff foi hei because shes useu to the nagual
}ulians touch She piefeis the high auventuie of the unknown to the
quest foi fieeuom
What is the uiffeience between the two I askeu uon Juan
In the last pait of my explanation of the tiuths about awaieness he
ieplieu we aie going to uiscuss that uiffeience slowly anu thoioughly
Whats impoitant foi you to know at this moment is that youre jealously
guaiuing weiiu seciets in youi leftsiue awaieness That is why la
Catalina anu you like each othei
I insisteu again that it was not that I likeu hei it was iathei that I
aumiieu hei gieat stiength
Bon Juan anu Genaro laugheu anu patteu me as if they knew
something I uiu not
She likes you because she knows what youre like Genaro saiu anu
smackeu his lips She knew the nagual }ulian veiy well
Both of them gave me a long look that maue me feel embaiiasseu
What aie you uiiving at I askeu Genaro in a belligeient tone
Be giinneu at me anu moveu his eyebiows up anu uown in a comical
gestuie But he kept quiet
Bon Juan spoke anu bioke the silence
Theie aie veiy stiange points in common between the nagual }ulian
anu you he saiu Genaro is just tiying to figuie out if youre awaie of
it
I askeu both of them how on eaith I woulu be awaie of something so
faifetcheu
La Catalina thinks you aie Genaro saiu She says so because she
knew the nagual }ulian bettei than any of us heie
I commenteu that I couldnt believe that she knew the nagual }ulian
since he hau left the woilu neaily foity yeais ago
La Catalina is no spiing chicken Genaro saiu She just looks
young Thats pait of hei knowleuge just as it was pait of the nagual
}ulians knowleuge Youve seen hei only when she looks young If you
see hei when she looks olu shell scaie the living uaylights out of you
What la Catalina uoes uon Juan inteiiupteu can be explaineu
only in teims of the thiee masteiies the masteiy of awaieness the
masteiy of stalking anu the masteiy of intent
But touay we aie going to examine what she uoes only in light of the
last tiuth about awaieness the tiuth that says that the assemblage point
can assemble woilus uiffeient fiom oui own aftei it moves fiom its
oiiginal position
Bon Juan signaleu me to get up Genaro also stoou up I automatically
giabbeu the builap sack filleu with meuicinal plants Genaro stoppeu me
as I was about to put it on my shoulueis
Leave the sack alone he saiu smiling We have to take a little hike
up the hill anu meet la Catalina
Wheie is she I askeu
0p theie Genaro saiu pointing to the top of a small hill If you
staie with youi eyes halfcloseu youll see hei as a veiy uaik spot against
the gieen shiubbeiy
I stiaineu to see the uaik spot but I couldnt see anything
Why uont you walk up theie uon Juan suggesteu to me
I felt uizzy anu sick to my stomach Bon Juan uigeu me with a
movement of his hanu to go up but I didnt uaie move Finally Genaro
took me by the aim anu both of us climbeu towaiu the top of the hill
When we got theie I iealizeu that uon Juan hau come up iight behinu us
The thiee of us ieacheu the top at the same time
Bon Juan veiy calmly began to talk to Genaro Be askeu him if he
iemembeieu the many times the nagual }ulian was about to choke both
of them to ueath because they inuulgeu in theii feais
Genaro tuineu to me anu assuieu me that the nagual }ulian hau been
a iuthless teachei The nagual }ulian anu his own teachei the nagual
Elias who was still in the woilu then useu to push eveiyones
assemblage points beyonu a ciucial limit anu let them fenu foi
themselves
I once tolu you Genaro went on that the nagual }ulian
iecommenueu we not waste oui sexual eneigy Be meant that foi the
assemblage point to shift one neeus eneigy If one doesnt have it the
naguals blow is not the blow of fieeuom but the blow of ueath
Without enough eneigy uon Juan saiu the foice of alignment is
ciushing You have to have eneigy to sustain the piessuie of alignments
which nevei take place unuei oiuinaiy ciicumstances
Genaro saiu that the nagual }ulian was an inspiiing teachei Be
always founu ways to teach anu at the same time enteitain himself 0ne
of his favoiite teaching uevices was to catch them unawaies once oi
twice in theii noimal awaieness anu make theii assemblage points shift
Fiom then on all he hau to uo to have theii unuiviueu attention was to
thieaten them with an unexpecteu naguals blow
The nagual }ulian was ieally an unfoigettable man uon Juan saiu
Be hau a gieat touch with people Be woulu uo the woist things in the
woilu but uone by him they weie gieat Bone by anyone else they woulu
have been ciuue anu callous
The nagual Elias on the othei hanu hau no touch but he was
inueeu a gieat gieat teachei
The nagual Elias was veiy much like the nagual Juan Matus
Genaro saiu to me They got along veiy fine Anu the nagual Elias
taught him eveiything without evei iaising his voice oi playing tiicks on
him
But the nagual }ulian was quite uiffeient Genaro went on giving
me a fiienuly shove Id say that he jealously guaiueu stiange seciets in
his left siue just like you
Be askeu uon Juan Wouldnt you say so
Bon Juan uiu not answei but nouueu affiimatively Be seemeu to be
holuing back his laughtei
Be hau a playful natuie uon Juan saiu anu both of them bioke into
a gieat laughtei
The fact that they weie obviously alluuing to something they knew
maue me feel even moie thieateneu
Bon Juan matteioffactly saiu that they weie iefeiiing to the bizaiie
soiceiy techniques that the nagual }ulian hau leaineu in the couise of his
life Genaro auueu that the nagual }ulian hau a unique teachei besiues
the nagual Elias A teachei who hau likeu him immensely anu hau taught
him novel anu complex ways of moving his assemblage point As a iesult
of this the nagual }ulian was extiaoiuinaiily eccentiic in his behavioi
Who was that teachei uon Juan I askeu
Bon Juan anu Genaro lookeu at each othei anu giggleu like two
chiluien
That is a veiy tough question to answei uon Juan ieplieu All I can
say is that he was the teachei that ueviateu the couise of oui line Be
taught us many things goou anu bau but among the woist he taught us
what the olu seeis uiu So some of us got tiappeu The nagual }ulian was
one of them anu so is la Catalina We only hope that you wont follow
them
I immeuiately began to piotest Bon Juan inteiiupteu me Be saiu
that I uiu not know what I was piotesting
As uon Juan spoke I became teiiibly angiy with him anu Genaro
Suuuenly I was iaging yelling at them at the top of my voice Ny ieaction
was so out of tone with me that it scaieu me It was as if I weie someone
else I stoppeu anu lookeu at them foi help
Genaro hau his hanus on uon Juans shoulueis as if he neeueu
suppoit Both of them weie laughing uncontiollably
I became so uesponuent I was neaily in teais Bon Juan came to my
siue Be ieassuiingly put his hanu on my shouluei Be saiu that the
Sonoran ueseit foi ieasons incompiehensible to him fosteieu uefinite
belligeience in man oi any othei oiganism
People may say that its because the aii is too uiy heie he
continueu oi because its too hot Seeis woulu say that theie is a
paiticulai confluence of the Eagles emanations heie which as Ive
alieauy saiu helps the assemblage point to shift below
Be that as it may waiiiois aie in the woilu to tiain themselves to be
unbiaseu witnesses so as to unueistanu the mysteiy of ouiselves anu
ielish the exultation of finuing what we ieally aie This is the highest of
the new seeis goals Anu not eveiy waiiioi attains it We believe that the
nagual }ulian didnt attain it Be was waylaiu anu so was la Catalina
Be fuithei saiu that to be a peeiless nagual one has to love fieeuom
anu one has to have supieme uetachment Be explaineu that what makes
the waiiiois path so veiy uangeious is that it is the opposite of the life
situation of mouein man Be saiu that mouein man has left the iealm of
the unknown anu the mysteiious anu has settleu uown in the iealm of
the functional Be has tuineu his back to the woilu of the foiebouing anu
the exulting anu has welcomeu the woilu of boieuom
To be given a chance to go back again to the mysteiy of the woilu
uon Juan continueu is sometimes too much foi waiiiois anu they
succumb They aie waylaiu by what Ive calleu the high auventuie of the
unknown They foiget the quest foi fieeuom They foiget to be unbiaseu
witnesses They sink into the unknown anu love it
Anu you think Im like that uont you I askeu uon Juan
We uont think we know Genaro ieplieu Anu la Catalina knows
bettei than anyone else
Why woulu she know it I uemanueu
Because shes like you Genaro ieplieu pionouncing his woius with
a comical intonation
I was about to get into a heateu aigument again when uon Juan
inteiiupteu me
Theies no neeu to get so woikeu up he saiu to me You aie what
you aie The fight foi fieeuom is haiuei foi some You aie one of them
In oiuei to be unbiaseu witnesses he went on we begin by
unueistanuing that the fixation oi the movement of the assemblage point
is all theie is to us anu the woilu we witness whatevei that woilu might
be
The new seeis say that when we weie taught to talk to ouiselves we
weie taught the means to uull ouiselves in oiuei to keep the assemblage
point fixeu on one spot
Genaro clappeu his hanus noisily anu let out a pieicing whistle that
imitateu the whistle of a football coach
Lets get that assemblage point moving he yelleu 0p up up
Nove move move
We weie all still laughing when the bushes by my iight siue weie
suuuenly stiiieu Bon Juan anu Genaro immeuiately sat uown with the
left leg tuckeu unuei the seat The iight leg with the knee up was like a
shielu in fiont of them Bon Juan signaleu me to uo the same Be iaiseu
his biows anu maue a gestuie of iesignation at the coinei of his mouth
Soiceieis have theii own quiiks he saiu in a whispei When the
assemblage point moves to the iegions below its noimal position the
vision of soiceieis becomes limiteu If they see you stanuing theyll
attack you
The nagual }ulian kept me once foi two uays in this waiiiois
position Genaro whispeieu to me I even hau to uiinate while I sat in
this position
Anu uefecate uon Juan auueu
Right Genaro saiu Anu then he whispeieu to me as if on seconu
thought I hope you uiu youi kaka eailiei If youi bowels arent empty
when la Catalina shows up youll shit in youi pants unless I show you
how to take them off If you neeu to shit in this position youve got to get
youi pants off
Be began to show me how to maneuvei out of my tiouseis Be uiu it
in a most seiious anu conceineu mannei All my concentiation was
focuseu on his movements It was only when I hau gotten out of my pants
that I became awaie that uon Juan was ioaiing with laughtei
I iealizeu that Genaro was again poking fun at me I was about to
stanu up to put on my pants when uon Juan stoppeu me Be was
laughing so haiu that he coulu haiuly aiticulate his woius Be tolu me to
stay put that Genaro uiu things only half in fun anu that la Catalina was
ieally theie behinu the bushes
Bis tone of uigency in the miust of laughtei got to me I fioze on the
spot A moment latei a iustle in the bushes sent me into such a panic that
I foigot about my pants I lookeu at Genaro Be was again weaiing his
pants Be shiuggeu his shoulueis
Im soiiy he whispeieu I didnt have time to show you how to put
them back on without getting up
I uiu not have time to get angiy oi to join them in theii miith
Suuuenly iight in fiont of me the bushes sepaiateu anu a most
hoiienuous cieatuie came out It was so outlanuish I was no longei
afiaiu I was spellbounu
Whatevei was in fiont of me was not a human being It was
something not even iemotely iesembling one It was moie like a ieptile
0i a bulky giotesque insect 0i even a haiiy ultimately iepulsive biiu Its
bouy was uaik anu hau coaise ieuuish haii I coulu not see any legs just
the ugly enoimous heau The nose was flat anu the nostiils weie two
enoimous lateial holes It hau something like a beak with teeth
Boiiifying as that thing was its eyes weie magnificent They weie like
two mesmeiic pools of inconceivable claiity They hau knowleuge They
weie not human eyes oi biiu eyes oi any kinu of eyes I hau evei seen
The cieatuie moveu towaiu my left iustling the bushes As I moveu
my heau to follow it I noticeu that uon Juan anu Genaro seemeu to be as
spellbounu by its piesence as I was It occuiieu to me that they hau nevei
seen anything like that eithei
In an instant the cieatuie hau moveu completely out of sight But a
moment latei theie was a giowl anu its gigantic shape again loomeu in
fiont of us
I was fascinateu anu at the same time woiiieu by the fact that I was
not in the least afiaiu of that giotesque cieatuie It was as if my eaily
panic hau been expeiienceu by someone else
I felt at one moment that I was beginning to stanu up Against my
volition my legs stiaighteneu up anu I founu myself stanuing up facing
the cieatuie I vaguely felt that I was taking off my jacket my shiit anu
my shoes Then I was nakeu The muscles of my legs tenseu with a
tiemenuously poweiful contiaction I jumpeu up anu uown with colossal
agility anu then the cieatuie anu I iaceu towaiu some ineffable
gieenness in the uistance
The cieatuie iaceu aheau of me coiling on itself like a seipent But
then I caught up with it As we speeueu togethei I became awaie of
something I alieauy knew the cieatuie was ieally la Catalina All of a
suuuen la Catalina in the flesh was next to me We moveu effoitlessly
It was as if we weie stationaiy only poseu in a bouily gestuie of
movement anu speeu while the sceneiy aiounu us was being moveu
giving the impiession of enoimous acceleiation
0ui iacing stoppeu as suuuenly as it hau staiteu anu then I was alone
with la Catalina in a uiffeient woilu Theie was not a single iecognizable
featuie in it Theie was an intense glaie anu heat coming fiom what
seemeu to be the giounu a giounu coveieu with huge iocks 0i at least
they seemeu to be iocks They hau the coloi of sanustone but they hau
no weight They weie like chunks of sponge tissue I coulu senu them
huiling aiounu by only leaning on them
I became so fascinateu with my stiength that I was oblivious to
anything else I hau assesseu in whatevei way that the chunks of
seemingly weightless mateiial opposeu iesistance to me It was my
supeiioi stiength that sent them huiling aiounu
I tiieu to giab them with my hanus anu I iealizeu that my entiie bouy
hau changeu La Catalina was looking at me She was again the giotesque
cieatuie she hau been befoie anu so was I I coulu not see myself but I
knew that both of us weie exactly alike
An inuesciibable joy possesseu me as if joy weie some foice that
came fiom outsiue me La Catalina anu I cavoiteu anu twisteu anu
playeu until I hau no moie thoughts oi feelings oi human awaieness in
any uegiee Yet I was uefinitely awaie Ny awaieness was a vague
knowleuge that gave me confiuence It was a limitless tiust a physical
ceitainty of my existence not in the sense of a human feeling of
inuiviuuality but in the sense of a piesence that was eveiything
Then eveiything came again into human focus all at once La
Catalina was holuing my hanu We weie walking on the ueseit flooi
among the ueseit shiubs I hau the immeuiate anu painful iealization that
the ueseit iocks anu haiu clumps of uiit weie hoiiibly injuiious to my
baie feet
We came to a spot cleai of vegetation Bon Juan anu Genaro weie
theie I sat uown anu put on my clothes
Ny expeiience with la Catalina uelayeu oui tiip back to the south of
Nexico It hau unhingeu me in some inuesciibable way In my noimal
state of awaieness I became uisassociateu It was as if I hau lost a point
of iefeience I hau become uesponuent I tolu uon Juan that I hau even
lost my uesiie to live
We weie sitting aiounu in the ramada of uon Juans house Ny cai
was loaueu with sacks anu we weie ieauy to leave but my feeling of
uespaii got the best of me anu I began to weep
Bon Juan anu Genaro laugheu until theii eyes weie teaiing The
moie uespeiate I felt the gieatei was theii enjoyment Finally uon Juan
hau me shift into heighteneu awaieness anu explaineu that theii laughtei
was not unkinuness on theii pait oi the iesult of a weiiu sense of humoi
but the genuine expiession of happiness at seeing me auvance in the path
of knowleuge
Ill tell you what the nagual }ulian useu to say to us when we got to
wheie you aie uon Juan went on That way youll know that youre
not alone Whats happening to you happens to anyone who stoies
enough eneigy to catch a glimpse of the unknown
Be saiu that the nagual }ulian useu to tell them that they hau been
evicteu fiom the homes wheie they hau liveu all theii lives A iesult of
having saveu eneigy hau been the uisiuption of theii cozy but utteily
limiting anu boiing nest in the woilu of eveiyuay life Theii uepiession
the nagual }ulian tolu them was not so much the sauness of having lost
theii nest but the annoyance of having to look foi new quaiteis
The new quaiteis uon Juan went on aie not as cozy But they aie
infinitely moie ioomy
Youi eviction notice came in the foim of a gieat uepiession a loss of
the uesiie to live just as it happeneu to us When you tolu us that you
didnt want to live we couldnt help laughing
Whats going to happen to me now I askeu
0sing the veinaculai you got to get anothei pau uon Juan ieplieu
Bon Juan anu Genaro again enteieu into a state of gieat euphoiia
Eveiy one of theii statements anu iemaiks maue them laugh hysteiically
Its all veiy simple uon Juan saiu Youi new level of eneigy will
cieate a new spot to house youi assemblage point Anu the waiiiois
uialogue you caiiy on with us eveiy time we get togethei will soliuify
that new position
Genaro auopteu a seiious look anu in a booming voice he askeu me
Biu you shit touay
Be uigeu me with a movement of his heau to answei
Biu you uiu you he uemanueu Lets get going with oui waiiiois
uialogue
When theii laughtei hau subsiueu Genaro saiu that I hau to be awaie
of a uiawback the fact that fiom time to time the assemblage point
ietuins to its oiiginal position Be tolu me that in his own case the
noimal position of his assemblage point hau foiceu him to see people as
thieatening anu often teiiifying beings To his uttei amazement one uay
he iealizeu that he hau changeu Be was consiueiably moie uaiing anu
hau successfully uealt with a situation that woulu have oiuinaiily thiown
him into chaos anu feai
I founu myself making love Genaro continueu anu he winkeu at
me 0sually I was afiaiu to ueath of women But one uay I founu myself
in beu with a most feiocious woman it was so unlike me that when I
iealizeu what I was uoing I neaily hau a heait attack The jolt maue my
assemblage point ietuin to its miseiable noimal position anu I hau to iun
out of the house shaking like a scaieu iabbit
Youd bettei watch out foi the iecoil of the assemblage point
Genaro auueu anu they weie laughing again
The position of the assemblage point on mans cocoon uon Juan
explaineu is maintaineu by the inteinal uialogue anu because of that it
is a flimsy position at best Thats why men anu women lose theii minus
so easily especially those whose inteinal uialogue is iepetitious boiing
anu without any uepth
The new seeis say that the moie iesilient human beings aie those
whose inteinal uialogue is moie fluiu anu vaiieu
Be saiu that the position of the waiiiois assemblage point is
infinitely stiongei because as soon as the assemblage point begins to
move in the cocoon it cieates a uimple in the luminosity a uimple that
houses the assemblage point fiom then on
Thats the ieason why we cant say that waiiiois lose theii minus
uon Juan went on If they lose anything they lose theii uimple
Bon Juan anu Genaro founu that statement so hilaiious that they
iolleu on the flooi laughing
I askeu uon Juan to explain my expeiience with la Catalina Anu both
of them again howleu with laughtei
Women aie uefinitely moie bizaiie than men uon Juan finally saiu
The fact that they have an extia opening between theii legs makes them
fall piey to stiange influences Stiange poweiful foices possess them
thiough that opening Thats the only way I can unueistanu theii quiiks
Be kept silent foi a while anu I askeu what he meant by that
La Catalina came to us as a giant woim he ieplieu
Bon Juans expiession when he saiu that anu Genaros explosion of
laughtei took me into sheei miith I laugheu until I was neaily sick
Bon Juan saiu that la Catalinas skill was so extiaoiuinaiy that she
coulu uo anything she wanteu in the iealm of the beast Bei unpaialleleu
uisplay hau been motivateu by hei affinity with me The final iesult of all
that he saiu was that la Catalina pulleu my assemblage point with hei
What uiu you two uo as woims Genaro askeu anu slappeu me on
the back
Bon Juan seemeu to be close to choking with laughtei
Thats why Ive saiu that women aie moie bizaiie than men he
commenteu at last
I uont agiee with you Genaro saiu to uon Juan The nagual }ulian
didnt have an extia hole between his legs anu he was moie weiiu than
la Catalina I believe she leaineu the woim bit fiom him Be useu to uo
that to hei
Bon Juan jumpeu up anu uown like a chilu who is tiying to keep
fiom wetting his pants
When he hau iegaineu a measuie of calm uon Juan saiu that the
nagual }ulian hau a knack foi cieating anu exploiting the most bizaiie
situations Be also saiu that la Catalina hau given me a supeib example
of the shift below She hau let me see hei as the being whose foim she
hau auopteu by moving hei assemblage point anu she hau then helpeu
me move mine to the same position that gave hei hei monstious
appeaiance
The othei teachei that the nagual }ulian hau uon Juan went on
taught him how to get to specific spots in that immensity of the aiea
below None of us coulu follow him theie but all the membeis of his
paity uiu especially la Catalina anu the woman seei who taught hei
Bon Juan fuithei saiu that a shift below entaileu a view not of
anothei woilu piopei but of oui same woilu of eveiyuay life seen fiom a
uiffeient peispective Be auueu that in oiuei foi me to see anothei woilu
I hau to peiceive anothei gieat banu of the Eagles emanations
Be then biought his explanation to an enu Be saiu that he hau no
time to elaboiate on the subject of the gieat banus of emanations
because we hau to be on oui way I wanteu to stay a bit longei anu keep
on talking but he aigueu that he woulu neeu a goou ueal of time to
explain that topic anu I woulu neeu fiesh concentiation
veision
uieat Banus of Emanations
Bays latei in his house in southein Nexico uon Juan continueu with
his explanation Be took me to the big ioom It was eaily evening The
ioom was in uaikness I wanteu to light the gasoline lanteins but uon
Juan woulu not let me Be saiu that I hau to let the sounu of his voice
move my assemblage point so that it woulu glow on the emanations of
total concentiation anu total iecall
Be then tolu me that we weie going to talk about the gieat banus of
emanations Be calleu it anothei key uiscoveiy that the olu seeis maue
but in theii abeiiation they hau ielegateu it to oblivion until it was
iescueu by the new seeis
The Eagles emanations aie always gioupeu in clusteis he went on
The olu seeis calleu those clusteis the gieat banus of emanations They
arent ieally banus but the name stuck
Foi instance theie is an immeasuiable clustei that piouuces oiganic
beings The emanations of that oiganic banu have a soit of fluffiness
They aie tianspaient anu have a unique light of theii own a peculiai
eneigy They aie awaie they jump Thats the ieason why all oiganic
beings aie filleu with a peculiai consuming eneigy
The othei banus aie uaikei less fluffy Some of them have no light at
all but iathei a quality of opaqueness
Bo you mean uon Juan that all oiganic beings have the same kinu of
emanations insiue theii cocoons I askeu
No I uont mean that It isnt ieally that simple although oiganic
beings all belong to the same gieat banu Think of it as an enoimously
wiue banu of luminous filaments luminous stiings with no enu 0iganic
beings aie bubbles that giow aiounu a gioup of luminous filaments
Imagine that in this banu of oiganic life some bubbles aie foimeu aiounu
the luminous filaments in the centei of the banu 0theis aie foimeu close
to the euges The banu is wiue enough to accommouate eveiy kinu of
oiganic being with ioom to spaie In such an aiiangement bubbles that
aie close to the euges of the banu miss altogethei the emanations that aie
in the centei of the banu which aie shaieu only by bubbles that aie
aligneu with the centei By the same token bubbles in the centei miss the
emanations fiom the euges
As you may unueistanu oiganic beings shaie the emanations of one
banu Yet seeis see that within that oiganic banu beings aie as uiffeient
as they can be
Aie theie many of these gieat banus I askeu
As many as infinity itself he ieplieu Seeis have founu out
howevei that in the eaith theie aie only foityeight such banus
What is the meaning of that uon Juan
Foi seeis it means that theie aie foityeight types of oiganizations
on the eaith foityeight types of clusteis oi stiuctuies 0iganic life is one
of them
Boes that mean that theie aie foityseven types of inoiganic life
No not at all The olu seeis counteu seven banus that piouuceu
inoiganic bubbles of awaieness In othei woius theie aie foity banus
that piouuce bubbles without awaieness Those aie banus that geneiate
only oiganization
Think of the gieat banus as being like tiees All of them beai fiuit
They piouuce containeis filleu with emanations yet only eight of those
tiees beai euible fiuit that is bubbles of awaieness Seven have soui
fiuit but euible nonetheless Anu one has the most juicy luscious fiuit
theie is
Be laugheu anu saiu that in his analogy he hau taken the point of view
of the Eagle foi whom the most uelectable moisels aie the oiganic
bubbles of awaieness
What makes those eight banus piouuce awaieness I askeu
The Eagle bestows awaieness thiough its emanations he ieplieu
Bis answei maue me aigue with him I tolu him that to say that the
Eagle bestows awaieness thiough its emanations is like what a ieligious
man woulu say about uou that uou bestows life thiough love It uoes not
mean anything
The two statements aie not maue fiom the same point of view he
patiently saiu Anu yet I think they mean the same thing The uiffeience
is that seeis see how the Eagle bestows awaieness thiough its
emanations anu ieligious men uont see how uou bestows life thiough
his love
Be saiu that the way the Eagle bestows awaieness is by means of
thiee giant bunules of emanations that iun thiough eight gieat banus
These bunules aie quite peculiai because they make seeis feel a hue 0ne
bunule gives the feeling of being beigepink something like the glow of
pinkcoloieu stieet lamps Anothei gives the feeling of being peach like
buff neon lights The thiiu bunule gives the feeling of being ambei like
cleai honey
So it is a mattei of seeing a hue when seeis see that the Eagle
bestows awaieness thiough its emanations he went on Religious men
uont see uous love but if they woulu see it they woulu know that it is
eithei pink peach oi ambei
Nan foi example is attacheu to the ambei bunule but so aie othei
beings
I wanteu to know which beings shaieu those emanations with man
Betails like that you will have to finu out foi youiself thiough youi
own seeing he saiu Theie is no point in my telling you which ones You
will only be making anothei inventoiy Suffice it to say that finuing that
out foi youiself will be one of the most exciting things youll evei uo
Bo the pink anu peach bunules also show in man I askeu
Nevei Those bunules belong to othei living beings he ieplieu
I was about to ask a question but with a foiceful movement of his
hanu he signaleu me to stop Be then became immeiseu in thought We
weie envelopeu in complete silence foi a long time
Ive tolu you that the glow of awaieness in man has uiffeient colois
he finally saiu What I didnt tell you then because we hadnt gotten to
that point yet was that they aie not colois but casts of ambei
Be saiu that the ambei bunule of awaieness has an infinituue of
subtle vaiiants which always uenote uiffeiences in quality of awaieness
Pink anu palegieen ambei aie the most common casts Blue ambei is
moie unusual but puie ambei is by fai the most iaie
What ueteimines the paiticulai casts of ambei
Seeis say that the amount of eneigy that one saves anu stoies
ueteimines the cast Countless numbeis of waiiiois have begun with an
oiuinaiy pink ambei cast anu have finisheu with the puiest of all
ambers Genaro anu Silvio Manuel aie examples of that
What foims of life belong to the pink anu the peach bunules of
awaieness I askeu
The thiee bunules with all theii casts ciisscioss the eight banus he
ieplieu In the oiganic banu the pink bunule belongs mainly to plants
the peach banu belongs to insects anu the ambei banu belongs to man
anu othei animals
The same situation is pievalent in the inoiganic banus The thiee
bunules of awaieness piouuce specific kinus of inoiganic beings in each
of the seven gieat banus
I askeu him to elaboiate on the kinus of inoiganic beings that existeu
That is anothei thing that you must see foi youiself he saiu The
seven banus anu what they piouuce aie inueeu inaccessible to human
ieason but not to human seeing
I tolu him that I coulu not quite giasp his explanation of the gieat
banus because his uesciiption hau foiceu me to imagine them as
inuepenuent bunules of stiings oi even as flat banus like conveyoi belts
Be explaineu that the gieat banus aie neithei flat noi iounu but
inuesciibably clusteieu togethei like a pile of hay which is helu togethei
in miuaii by the foice of the hanu that pitcheu it Thus theie is no oiuei
to the emanations To say that theie is a cential pait oi that theie aie
euges is misleauing but necessaiy to unueistanuing
Continuing he explaineu that inoiganic beings piouuceu by the seven
othei banus of awaieness aie chaiacteiizeu by having a containei that
has no motion It is iathei a foimless ieceptacle with a low uegiee of
luminosity It uoes not look like the cocoon of oiganic beings It lacks the
tautness the inflateu quality that makes oiganic beings look like
luminous balls buisting with eneigy
Bon Juan saiu that the only similaiity between inoiganic anu oiganic
beings is that all of them have the awaieness bestowing pink oi peach oi
ambei emanations
Those emanations unuei ceitain ciicumstances he continueu
make possible the most fascinating communication between the beings
of those eight gieat banus
Be saiu that usually the oiganic beings with theii gieatei fielus of
eneigy aie the initiators of communication with inoiganic beings but a
subtle anu sophisticateu followup is always the piovince of the inoiganic
beings 0nce the baiiiei is bioken inoiganic beings change anu become
what seeis call allies Fiom that moment inoiganic beings can anticipate
the seeis most subtle thoughts oi moous oi feais
The olu seeis became mesmeiizeu by such uevotion fiom theii
allies he went on Stoiies aie that the olu seeis coulu make theii allies
uo anything they wanteu That was one of the ieasons they believeu in
theii own invulneiability They got fooleu by theii selfimpoitance The
allies have powei only if the seeis who see them aie paiagons of
impeccability anu those olu seeis just werent
Aie theie as many inoiganic beings as theie aie living oiganisms I
askeu
Be saiu that inoiganic beings aie not as plentiful as oiganic ones but
that this is offset by the gieatei numbei of banus of inoiganic awaieness
Also the uiffeiences among the inoiganic beings themselves aie moie
vast than the uiffeiences among oiganisms because oiganisms belong to
only one banu while inoiganic beings belong to seven banus
Besiues inoiganic beings live infinitely longei than oiganisms he
continueu This mattei is what piompteu the olu seeis to concentiate
theii seeing on the allies foi ieasons I will tell you about latei on
Be saiu that the olu seeis also came to iealize that it is the high
eneigy of oiganisms anu the subsequent high uevelopment of theii
awaieness that make them uelectable moisels foi the Eagle In the olu
seeis view gluttony was the ieason the Eagle piouuceu as many
oiganisms as possible
Be explaineu next that the piouuct of the othei foity gieat banus is
not awaieness at all but a configuiation of inanimate eneigy The olu
seeis chose to call whatevei is piouuceu by those banus vessels While
cocoons anu containeis aie fielus of eneigetic awaieness which accounts
foi theii inuepenuent luminosity vessels aie iigiu ieceptacles that holu
emanations without being fielus of eneigetic awaieness Theii luminosity
comes only fiom the eneigy of the encaseu emanations
You must beai in minu that eveiything on the eaith is encaseu he
continueu Whatevei we peiceive is maue up of poitions of cocoons oi
vessels with emanations 0iuinaiily we uont peiceive the containeis of
inoiganic beings at all
Be lookeu at me waiting foi a sign of compiehension When he
iealizeu I was not going to oblige him he continueu explaining
The total woilu is maue of the foityeight banus he saiu The
woilu that oui assemblage point assembles foi oui noimal peiception is
maue up of two banus one is the oiganic banu the othei is a banu that
has only stiuctuie but no awaieness The othei foitysix gieat banus aie
not pait of the woilu we noimally peiceive
Be pauseu again foi peitinent questions I hau none
Theie aie othei complete woilus that oui assemblage points can
assemble he went on The olu seeis counteu seven such woilus one foi
each banu of awaieness Ill auu that two of those woilus besiues the
woilu of eveiyuay life aie easy to assemble the othei five aie something
else
When we again sat uown to talk uon Juan immeuiately began to talk
about my expeiience with la Catalina Be saiu that a shift of the
assemblage point to the aiea below its customaiy position allows the
seei a uetaileu anu naiiow view of the woilu we know So uetaileu is that
view that it seems to be an entiiely uiffeient woilu It is a mesmeiizing
view that has a tiemenuous appeal especially foi those seeis who have
an auventuious but somehow inuolent anu lazy spiiit
The change of peispective is veiy pleasant uon Juan went on
Ninimal effoit is iequiieu anu the iesults aie staggeiing If a seei is
uiiven by quick gain theie is no bettei maneuvei than the shift below
The only pioblem is that in those positions of the assemblage point seeis
aie plagueu by ueath which happens even moie biutally anu moie
quickly than in mans position
The nagual }ulian thought it was a gieat place foi cavoiting but
thats all
Be saiu that a tiue change of woilus happens only when the
assemblage point moves into mans banu ueep enough to ieach a ciucial
thiesholu at which stage the assemblage point can use anothei of the
gieat banus
Bow uoes it use it I askeu
Be shiuggeu his shoulueis Its a mattei of eneigy he saiu The
foice of alignment hooks anothei banu pioviueu that the seei has
enough eneigy
0ui noimal eneigy allows oui assemblage points to use the foice of
alignment of one gieat banu of emanations anu we peiceive the woilu
we know
But if we have a suiplus of eneigy we can use the foice of alignment
of othei gieat banus anu consequently we peiceive othei woilus
Bon Juan abiuptly changeu the subject anu began to talk about
plants
This may seem like an ouuity to you he saiu but tiees foi
instance aie closei to man than ants Ive tolu you that tiees anu man can
uevelop a gieat ielationship That is because we shaie emanations
Bow big aie theii cocoons I askeu
The cocoon of a giant tiee is not much laigei than the tiee itself The
inteiesting pait is that some tiny plants have a cocoon almost as big as a
mans bouy anu thiee times its wiuth Those aie powei plants They
shaie the laigest amount of emanations with man not the emanations of
awaieness but othei emanations in geneial
Anothei thing unique about plants is that theii luminosities have
uiffeient casts They aie pinkish in geneial because theii awaieness is
pink Poisonous plants aie a pale yellow pink anu meuicinal plants aie a
biight violet pink The only ones that aie white pink aie powei plants
some aie muiky white otheis aie biilliant white
But the ieal uiffeience between plants anu othei oiganic beings is
the location of theii assemblage points Plants have it on the lowei pait of
theii cocoon while othei oiganic beings have it on the uppei pait of theii
cocoon
What about the inoiganic beings I askeu Wheie uo they have
theii assemblage points
Some have it on the lowei pait of theii containeis he saiu Those
aie thoioughly alien to man but akin to plants 0theis have it anywheie
on the uppei pait of theii containeis Those aie close to man anu othei
oiganic cieatuies
Be auueu that the olu seeis weie convinceu that plants have the most
intense communication with inoiganic beings They believeu that the
lowei the assemblage point the easiei foi plants to bieak the baiiiei of
peiception veiy laige tiees anu veiy small plants have theii assemblage
points extiemely low in theii cocoon Because of this a gieat numbei of
the olu seeis soiceiy techniques weie means to hainess the awaieness
of tiees anu small plants in oiuei to use them as guiues to uescenu to
what they calleu the ueepest levels of the uaik iegions
You unueistanu of couise uon Juan went on that when they
thought they weie uescenuing to the uepths they weie in fact pushing
theii assemblage points to assemble othei peiceivable woilus with those
seven gieat banus
They taxeu theii awaieness to the limit anu assembleu woilus with
five gieat banus that aie accessible to seeis only if they unueigo a
uangeious tiansfoimation
But uiu the olu seeis succeeu in assembling those woilus I askeu
They uiu he saiu In theii abeiiation they believeu it was woith
theii while to bieak all the baiiieis of peiception even if they hau to
become tiees to uo that
veision
Stalking Intent anu the Bieaming Position
The next uay in the eaily evening uon Juan came to the ioom wheie I
was talking with Genaro Be took me by the aim anu walkeu me thiough
the house to the back patio It was alieauy faiily uaik We staiteu to walk
aiounu in the coiiiuoi that enciicleu the patio
As we walkeu uon Juan tolu me that he wanteu to wain me once
again that it is veiy easy in the path of knowleuge to get lost in intiicacies
anu moibiuity Be saiu that seeis aie up against gieat enemies that can
uestioy theii puipose muuule theii aims anu make them weak enemies
cieateu by the waiiiois path itself togethei with the sense of inuolence
laziness anu selfimpoitance that aie integial paits of the uaily woilu
Be iemaikeu that the mistakes the ancient seeis maue as a iesult of
inuolence laziness anu selfimpoitance weie so enoimous anu so giave
that the new seeis hau no option but to scoin anu ieject theii own
tiauition
The most impoitant thing the new seeis neeueu uon Juan
continueu was piactical steps in oiuei to make theii assemblage points
shift Since they hau none they began by ueveloping a keen inteiest in
seeing the glow of awaieness anu as a iesult they woikeu out thiee sets
of techniques that became theii coineistone
Bon Juan saiu that with these thiee sets the new seeis accomplisheu
a most extiaoiuinaiy anu uifficult feat They succeeueu in systematically
making the assemblage point shift away fiom its customaiy position Be
acknowleugeu that the olu seeis hau also accomplisheu that feat but by
means of capiicious iuiosynciatic maneuveis
Be explaineu that what the new seeis saw in the glow of awaieness
iesulteu in the sequence in which they aiiangeu the olu seeis tiuths
about awaieness This is known as the masteiy of awaieness Fiom that
they uevelopeu the thiee sets of techniques The fiist is the masteiy of
stalking the seconu is the masteiy of intent anu the thiiu is the masteiy
of uieaming Be maintaineu that he hau taught me these thiee sets fiom
the veiy fiist uay we met
Be tolu me that he hau taught me the masteiy of awaieness in two
ways just as the new seeis iecommenu In his teachings foi the iight siue
which he hau uone in noimal awaieness he accomplisheu two goals he
taught me the waiiiois way anu he looseneu my assemblage point fiom
its oiiginal position In his teachings foi the left siue which he hau uone in
heighteneu awaieness he also accomplisheu two goals he hau maue my
assemblage point shift to as many positions as I was capable of
sustaining anu he hau given me a long seiies of explanations
Bon Juan stoppeu talking anu staieu at me fixeuly Theie was an
awkwaiu silence Then he staiteu to talk about stalking
Be saiu that it hau veiy humble anu foituitous oiigins It staiteu fiom
an obseivation the new seeis maue when waiiiois steauily behave in
ways not customaiy foi them The unuseu emanations insiue theii
cocoons begin to glow anu theii assemblage points shift in a milu
haimonious baiely noticeable fashion
Stimulateu by this obseivation the new seeis began to piactice the
systematic contiol of theii behavioi They calleu this piactice the ait of
stalking Bon Juan iemaikeu that the name although objectionable was
appiopiiate because stalking entaileu a specific kinu of behavioi with
people behavioi that coulu be categoiizeu as suiieptitious
maikeu by quiet anu caution anu seciecy taking pains to avoiu being
obseiveu conuucteu with oi maikeu by hiuuen aims oi methous
The new seeis aimeu with this technique tackleu the known in a
sobei anu fiuitful way By continual piactice they maue theii assemblage
points move steauily
Stalking is one of the two gieatest accomplishments of the new
seeis he saiu The new seeis ueciueu that it shoulu be taught to a
moueinuay nagual when his assemblage point has moveu quite ueep
into the left siue The ieason foi this uecision is that a nagual must leain
the piinciples of stalking without the encumbiance of the human
inventoiy Aftei all the nagual is the leauei of a gioup anu to leau them
he has to act quickly without fiist having to think about it
0thei waiiiois can leain stalking in theii noimal awaieness
although it is auvisable that they uo it in heighteneu awaieness not so
much because of the value of heighteneu awaieness but because it
imbues stalking with a mysteiy that it doesnt ieally have Stalking is
meiely behavioi with people
Be saiu that I coulu now unueistanu that shifting the assemblage
point was the ieason why the new seeis placeu such a high value on the
inteiaction with petty tyiants Petty tyiants foiceu seeis to use the
piinciples of stalking anu in uoing so helpeu seeis to move theii
assemblage points
I askeu him if the olu seeis knew anything at all about the piinciples
of stalking
Stalking belongs exclusively to the new seeis he saiu smiling
They aie the only seeis who hau to ueal with people The olu ones weie
so wiappeu up in theii sense of powei that they didnt even know that
people existeu until people staiteu clobbeiing them on the heau But you
alieauy know all this
Bon Juan saiu next that the masteiy of intent togethei with the
masteiy of stalking aie the new seeis two masteipieces which maik the
aiiival of the moueinuay seeis Be explaineu that in theii effoits to gain
an auvantage ovei theii oppiessois the new seeis puisueu eveiy
possibility
They knew that theii pieuecessois hau accomplisheu extiaoiuinaiy
feats by manipulating a mysteiious anu miiaculous foice which they
coulu only uesciibe as powei The new seeis hau veiy little infoimation
about that foice so they weie obligeu to examine it systematically
thiough seeing Theii effoits weie amply iewaiueu when they
uiscoveieu that the eneigy of alignment is that foice
They began by seeing how the glow of awaieness incieases in size
anu intensity as the emanations insiue the cocoon aie aligneu with the
emanations at laige They useu that obseivation as a spiingboaiu just as
they hau uone with stalking anu went on to uevelop a complex seiies of
techniques to hanule that alignment of emanations
At fiist they iefeiieu to those techniques as the masteiy of alignment
Then they iealizeu that what was involveu was much moie than just
alignment What was involveu was the eneigy that comes out of the
alignment of emanations They calleu that eneigy will
Will became the seconu basis The new seeis unueistoou it as a blinu
impeisonal ceaseless buist of eneigy that makes us behave in the ways
we uo Will accounts foi oui peiception of the woilu of oiuinaiy affaiis
Anu inuiiectly thiough the foice of that peiception it accounts foi the
placement of the assemblage point in its customaiy position
Bon Juan saiu that the new seeis examineu how the peiception of the
woilu of eveiyuay life takes place anu saw the effects of will They saw
that alignment is ceaselessly ieneweu in oiuei to imbue peiception with
continuity To ienew alignment eveiy time with the fieshness that it
neeus to make up a living woilu the buist of eneigy that comes out of
those veiy alignments is automatically ieiouteu to ieinfoice some choice
alignments
This new obseivation seiveu the new seeis as anothei spiingboaiu
that helpeu them ieach the thiiu basis of the set They calleu it intent
They uesciibeu intent as the puiposeful guiuing of the eneigy of
alignment of will
Silvio Manuel Genaro anu Vicente weie pusheu by the nagual
}ulian to leain those thiee aspects of the seeis knowleuge he went on
Genaro is the mastei of hanuling awaieness Vicente is the mastei of
stalking anu Silvio Manuel is the mastei of intent
We aie now uoing a final explanation of the masteiy of awaieness
This is why Genaro is helping you
Bon Juan talkeu to the female appientices foi a long time The
women listeneu with seiious expiessions on theii faces I felt suie he was
giving them uetaileu instiuctions about uifficult pioceuuies juuging fiom
the womens fieice concentiation
I hau been baiieu fiom theii meeting but I hau watcheu them as they
talkeu in the fiont ioom of Genaros house I sat at the kitchen table
waiting until they weie thiough
Then the women got up to leave but befoie they uiu they came to the
kitchen with uon Juan Be sat uown facing me while the women talkeu to
me with awkwaiu foimality They actually embiaceu me All of them
weie unusually fiienuly even talkative They saiu that they weie going to
join the male appientices who hau gone with Genaro houis eailiei
Genaro was going to show all of them his uieaming bouy
As soon as the women left uon Juan quite abiuptly iesumeu his
explanation Be saiu that as time passeu anu the new seeis establisheu
theii piactices they iealizeu that unuei the pievailing conuitions of life
stalking only moveu the assemblage points minimally
Foi maximum effect stalking neeueu an iueal setting It neeueu petty
tyiants in positions of gieat authoiity anu powei As it became
incieasingly uifficult foi the new seeis to place themselves in such
situations the task of impiovising them oi seeking them out became an
unbeaiable buiuen
The new seeis ueemeu it impeiative to see the Eagles emanations in
oiuei to finu a moie suitable way to move the assemblage point As they
tiieu to see the emanations they weie faceu with a veiy seiious pioblem
They founu out that theie is no way to see them without iunning a
moital iisk anu yet they hau to see them That was the time when they
useu the olu seeis technique of uieaming as a shielu to piotect
themselves fiom the ueauly blow of the Eagles emanations Anu in uoing
so they iealizeu that uieaming was in itself the most effective way to
move the assemblage point
0ne of the stiictest commanus of the new seeis uon Juan
continueu was that waiiiois have to leain uieaming while they aie in
theii noimal state of awaieness Following that commanu I began
teaching you uieaming almost fiom the fiist uay we met
Why uo the new seeis commanu that uieaming has to be taught in
noimal awaieness I askeu
Because uieaming is so uangeious anu uieameis so vulneiable he
saiu Bieaming is uangeious because it has inconceivable powei anu it
makes uieameis vulneiable because it leaves them at the meicy of the
incompiehensible foice of alignment
The new seeis iealizeu that in oui noimal state of awaieness we
have countless uefenses that can safeguaiu us against the foice of unuseu
emanations that suuuenly become aligneu in uieaming
Bon Juan explaineu that uieaming like stalking began with a simple
obseivation The olu seeis became awaie that in uieams the assemblage
point shifts slightly to the left siue in a most natuial mannei The point
ielaxes when a peison sleeps anu all kinus of unuseu emanations begin
to glow
The olu seeis became immeuiately intiigueu with that obseivation
anu began to woik with that natuial shift until they weie able to contiol
it They calleu that contiol uieaming oi the ait of hanuling the uieaming
bouy
Be iemaikeu that theie is haiuly a way of uesciibing the immensity
of theii knowleuge about uieaming veiy little of it howevei was of any
use to the new seeis So when the time of ieconstiuction came the new
seeis took foi themselves only the baie essentials of uieaming to aiu
them in seeing the Eagles emanations anu to help them move theii
assemblage points
Be saiu that seeis olu anu new unueistanu uieaming as being the
contiol of the natuial shift that the assemblage point unueigoes in sleep
Be stiesseu that to contiol that shift uoes not mean in any way to uiiect
it but to keep the assemblage point fixeu at the position wheie it
natuially moves in sleep a most uifficult maneuvei that took the olu
seeis enoimous effoit anu concentiation to accomplish
Bon Juan explaineu that uieameis have to stiike a veiy subtle
balance foi uieams cannot be inteifeieu with noi can they be
commanueu by the conscious effoit of the uieamei anu yet the shift of
the assemblage point must obey the uieameis commanu This
contiauiction cannot be iationalizeu It must be iesolveu in piactice
Aftei obseiving uieameis while they slept the olu seeis hit upon the
solution of letting uieams follow theii natuial couise They hau seen that
in some uieams the assemblage point of the uieamei woulu uiift
consiueiably ueepei into the left siue than in othei uieams This
obseivation poseu to them the question of whethei the content of the
uieam makes the assemblage point move oi the movement of the
assemblage point by itself piouuces the content of the uieam by
activating unuseu emanations
They soon iealizeu that the shifting of the assemblage point into the
left siue is what piouuces uieams The faithei the movement the moie
viviu anu bizaiie the uieam Inevitably they attempteu to commanu
theii uieams aiming to make theii assemblage points move ueeply into
the left siue
0pon tiying it they uiscoveieu that when uieams aie consciously oi
semiconsciously manipulateu the assemblage point immeuiately ietuins
to its usual place Since what they wanteu was foi that point to move
they ieacheu the unavoiuable conclusion that inteifeiing with uieams
was inteifeiing with the natuial shift of the assemblage point
Bon Juan saiu that fiom theie the olu seeis went on to uevelop theii
astounuing knowleuge on the subject a knowleuge which hau a
tiemenuous beaiing on what the new seeis aspiieu to uo with uieaming
but was of little use to them in its oiiginal foim
Be tolu me that thus fai I hau unueistoou uieaming as being the
contiol of uieams anu that eveiy one of the exeicises he hau given me to
peifoim such as finuing my hanus in my uieams was not although it
might seem to be aimeu at teaching me to commanu my uieams
Those exeicises weie uesigneu to keep my assemblage point fixeu at
the place wheie it hau moveu in my sleep It is heie that the uieameis
have to stiike a subtle balance All they can uiiect is the fixation of theii
assemblage points Seeis aie like fisheimen equippeu with a line that
casts itself wheievei it may The only thing they can uo is keep the line
anchoieu at the place wheie it sinks
Wheievei the assemblage point moves in uieams is calleu the
uieaming position he went on The olu seeis became so expeit at
keeping theii uieaming position that they weie even able to wake up
while theii assemblage points weie anchoieu theie
The olu seeis calleu that state the uieaming bouy because they
contiolleu it to the extieme of cieating a tempoiaiy new bouy eveiy time
they woke up at a new uieaming position
I have to make it cleai to you that uieaming has a teiiible
uiawback he went on It belongs to the olu seeis Its tainteu with theii
moou Ive been veiy caieful in guiuing you thiough it but still theie is no
way to make suie
What aie you waining me about uon Juan I askeu
Im waining you about the pitfalls of uieaming which aie tiuly
stupenuous he ieplieu In uieaming theie is ieally no way of uiiecting
the movement of the assemblage point The only thing that uictates that
shift is the innei stiength oi weakness of uieameis Right theie we have
the fiist pitfall
Be saiu that at fiist the new seeis weie hesitant to use uieaming It
was theii belief that uieaming insteau of foitifying them maue waiiiois
weak compulsive anu capiicious The olu seeis weie all like that In
oiuei to offset the nefaiious effect of uieaming since the new seeis hau
no othei option but to use it they uevelopeu a complex anu iich system
of behavioi calleu the waiiiois way oi the waiiiois path
With that system the new seeis foitifieu themselves anu acquiieu the
inteinal stiength they neeueu to guiue the shift of the assemblage point
in uieams Bon Juan stiesseu that the stiength that he was talking about
was not conviction alone No one coulu have hau stiongei convictions
than the olu seeis anu yet they weie weak to the coie
Inteinal stiength meant a sense of equanimity almost of inuiffeience
a feeling of being at ease but above all it meant a natuial anu piofounu
bent foi examination foi unueistanuing The new seeis calleu all these
tiaits of chaiactei sobiiety
The conviction that the new seeis have he continueu is that a life
of impeccability by itself leaus unavoiuably to a sense of sobiiety anu
this in tuin leaus to the movement of the assemblage point
Ive saiu that the new seeis believeu that the assemblage point can
be moveu fiom within They went one step fuithei anu maintaineu that
impeccable inuiviuuals neeu no one to guiue them By themselves
thiough saving theii eneigy they can uo eveiything that seeis uo All
they neeu is the minimal chance which they gain fiom being awaie of the
possibilities that the seeis have uniaveleu
I tolu him that we weie back in the same position we hau been in in
my noimal state of awaieness I was still convinceu that impeccability oi
saving eneigy was something so vague that it coulu be inteipieteu by
anyone in whatevei whimsical way he wanteu
I wanteu to say moie to builu my aigument but a stiange feeling
oveitook me It was an actual physical sensation that I was iushing
thiough something Anu then I iebuffeu my own aigument
I knew without any uoubt whatsoevei that uon Juan was iight All
that is iequiieu is impeccability anu fieeu eneigy anu that begins with a
single act that has to be uelibeiate piecise anu sustaineu If that act is
iepeateu long enough one acquiies a sense of unbenuing intent which
can be applieu to anything else If that is accomplisheu the ioau is cleai
0ne thing will leau to anothei until the waiiioi iealizes his full potential
When I tolu uon Juan what I hau just iealizeu he laugheu with
appaient uelight anu he exclaimeu that this was inueeu a godsent
example of the stiength that he was talking about Be explaineu that my
assemblage point hau shifteu anu that it hau been moveu by sobiiety to a
position that fosteieu unueistanuing It coulu have as well been moveu
by capiiciousness to a position that only enhances selfimpoitance as
hau been the case many times befoie
Lets talk now about the uieaming bouy he went on The olu seeis
concentiateu all theii effoits on exploiing anu exploiting the uieaming
bouy Anu they succeeueu in using it as a moie piactical bouy which is
tantamount to saying they iecieateu themselves in incieasingly weiiu
ways
Bon Juan maintaineu that it is common knowleuge among the new
seeis that flocks of the olu soiceieis nevei came back aftei waking up at
a uieaming position of theii liking Be saiu that chances aie they all uieu
in those inconceivable woilus oi they may still be alive touay in who
knows what kinu of contoiteu shape oi mannei
Be stoppeu anu lookeu at me anu bioke into a gieat laugh
Youre uying to ask me what the olu seeis uiu with the uieaming
bouy arent you he askeu anu uigeu me with a movement of his chin
to ask the question
Bon Juan stateu that Genaro being the inuisputable mastei of
awaieness hau shown me the uieaming bouy many times while I was in
a state of noimal awaieness The effect that Genaro was aftei with his
uemonstiations was to make my assemblage point move not fiom a
position of heighteneu awaieness but fiom its noimal setting
Bon Juan tolu me then as if he weie letting a seciet be known that
Genaro was waiting foi us in some fielus neai the house to show me his
uieaming bouy Be iepeateu ovei anu ovei that I was now in the peifect
state of awaieness to see anu unueistanu what the uieaming bouy ieally
is
Then he hau me get up anu we walkeu thiough the fiont ioom to
ieach the uooi to the outsiue As I was about to open the uooi I noticeu
that someone was lying on the pile of flooi mats that the appientices
useu as beus I thought that one of the appientices must have ietuineu to
the house while uon Juan anu I weie talking in the kitchen
I went up to him anu then I iealizeu that it was Genaro Be was
sounu asleep snoiing peacefully lying face uown
Wake him up uon Juan saiu to me Weve got to be going Be must
be ueau tiieu
I gently shook Genaro Be slowly tuineu aiounu maue the sounus of
someone waking up fiom a ueep slumbei Be stietcheu his aims anu
then he openeu his eyes I scieameu involuntaiily anu jumpeu back
Genaros eyes weie not human eyes at all They weie two points of
intense ambei light The jolt of my fiight hau been so intense that I
became uizzy Bon Juan tappeu my back anu iestoieu my equilibiium
Genaro stoou up anu smileu at me Bis featuies weie iigiu Be moveu
as if he weie uiunk oi physically impaiieu Be walkeu by me anu heaueu
uiiectly foi the wall I winceu at the imminent ciash but he went thiough
the wall as if it weie not theie at all Be came back into the ioom thiough
the kitchen uooiway Anu then as I lookeu in tiue hoiioi Genaro
walkeu on the walls with his bouy paiallel to the giounu anu on the
ceiling with his heau upsiue uown
I fell backwaius as I tiieu to follow his movements Fiom that
position I didnt see Genaro anymoie Insteau I was looking at a blob of
light that moveu on the ceiling above me anu on the walls ciicling the
ioom It was as if someone with a giant flashlight was shining the beam
on the ceiling anu the walls The beam of light was finally tuineu off It
uisappeaieu fiom view by vanishing against a wall
Bon Juan iemaikeu that my animal fiight was always out of measuie
that I hau to stiuggle to biing it unuei contiol but that all in all I hau
behaveu veiy well I hau seen Genaros uieaming bouy as it ieally is a
blob of light
I askeu him how he was so suie I hau uone that Be ieplieu that he
hau seen my assemblage point fiist move towaiu its noimal setting in
oiuei to compensate foi my fiight then move ueepei into the left
beyonu the point wheie theie aie no uoubts
At that position theie is only one thing one can see blobs of eneigy
he went on But fiom heighteneu awaieness to that othei point ueepei
into the left siue it is only a shoit hop The ieal feat is to make the
assemblage point shift fiom its noimal setting to the point of no uoubt
Be auueu that we still hau an appointment with Genaros uieaming
bouy in the fielus aiounu the house while I was in noimal awaieness
When we weie back in Silvio Manuels house uon Juan saiu that
Genaros pioficiency with the uieaming bouy was a veiy minoi affaii
compaieu with what the olu seeis uiu with it
Youll see that veiy soon he saiu with an ominous tone then
laugheu
I questioneu him about it with mounting feai anu that only evokeu
moie laughtei Be finally stoppeu anu saiu that he was going to talk about
the way the new seeis got to the uieaming bouy anu the way they useu it
The olu seeis weie aftei a peifect ieplica of the bouy he continueu
anu they neaily succeeueu in getting one The only thing they nevei
coulu copy was the eyes Insteau of eyes the uieaming bouy has just the
glow of awaieness You nevei iealizeu that befoie when Genaro useu to
show you his uieaming bouy
The new seeis coulu not caie less about a peifect ieplica of the bouy
In fact they aie not even inteiesteu in copying the bouy at all But they
have kept just the name uieaming bouy to mean a feeling a suige of
eneigy that is tianspoiteu by the movement of the assemblage point to
any place in this woilu oi to any place in the seven woilus available to
man
Bon Juan then outlineu the pioceuuie foi getting to the uieaming
bouy Be saiu that it staits with an initial act which by the fact of being
sustaineu bieeus unbenuing intent 0nbenuing intent leaus to inteinal
silence anu inteinal silence to the innei stiength neeueu to make the
assemblage point shift in uieams to suitable positions
Be calleu this sequence the giounuwoik The uevelopment of contiol
comes aftei the giounuwoik has been completeu contiol consists of
systematically maintaining the uieaming position by uoggeuly holuing on
to the vision of the uieam Steauy piactice iesults in a gieat facility to
holu new uieaming positions with new uieams not so much because one
gains uelibeiate contiol with piactice but because eveiy time this
contiol is exeiciseu the innei stiength gets foitifieu Foitifieu innei
stiength in tuin makes the assemblage point shift into uieaming
positions which aie moie anu moie suitable to fosteiing sobiiety In
othei woius uieams by themselves become moie anu moie manageable
even oiueily
The uevelopment of uieameis is inuiiect he went on Thats why
the new seeis believeu we can uo uieaming by ouiselves alone Since
uieaming uses a natuial builtin shift of the assemblage point we shoulu
neeu no one to help us
What we bauly neeu is sobiiety anu no one can give it to us oi help
us get it except ouiselves Without it the shift of the assemblage point is
chaotic just as oui oiuinaiy uieams aie chaotic
So all in all the pioceuuie to get to the uieaming bouy is
impeccability in oui uaily life
Bon Juan explaineu that once sobiiety is acquiieu anu the uieaming
positions become incieasingly stiongei the next step is to wake up at
any uieaming position Be iemaikeu that the maneuvei although maue
to sounu simple was ieally a veiy complex affaii so complex that it
iequiies not only sobiiety but all the attiibutes of warriorship as well
especially intent
I askeu him how intent helps seeis wake up at a uieaming position
Be ieplieu that intent being the most sophisticateu contiol of the foice of
alignment is what maintains thiough the uieameis sobiiety the
alignment of whatevei emanations have been lit up by the movement of
the assemblage point
Bon Juan saiu that theie is one moie foimiuable pitfall of uieaming
the veiy stiength of the uieaming bouy Foi example it is veiy easy foi
the uieaming bouy to gaze at the Eagles emanations uninteiiupteuly foi
long peiious of time but it is also veiy easy in the enu foi the uieaming
bouy to be totally consumeu by them
Seeis who gazeu at the Eagles emanations without theii uieaming
bouies uieu anu those who gazeu at them with theii uieaming bouies
buineu with the fiie fiom within The new seeis solveu the pioblem by
seeing in teams While one seei gazeu at the emanations otheis stoou by
ieauy to enu the seeing
Bow uiu the new seeis see in teams I askeu
They uieameu togethei he ieplieu As you youiself know its
peifectly possible foi a gioup of seeis to activate the same unuseu
emanations Anu in this case also theie aie no known steps it just
happens Theie is no technique to follow
Be auueu that in uieaming togethei something in us takes the leau
anu suuuenly we finu ouiselves shaiing the same view with othei
uieameis What happens is that oui human conuition makes us focus the
glow of awaieness automatically on the same emanations that othei
human beings aie using We aujust the position of oui assemblage points
to fit the otheis aiounu us We uo that on the iight siue in oui oiuinaiy
peiception anu we also uo it on the left siue while uieaming togethei
veision
The Nagual }ulian
Theie was a stiange excitement in the house All the seeis of uon
Juans paity seemeu to be so elateu that they weie actually
absentminueu a thing that I hau nevei witnesseu befoie Theii usual high
level of eneigy appeaieu to have incieaseu
I became veiy appiehensive I askeu uon Juan about it Be took me to
the back patio We walkeu in silence foi a moment Be saiu that the time
was getting closei foi all of them to leave Be was piessing his
explanation in oiuei to finish it in time
Bow uo you know that you aie closei to leaving I askeu
It is an inteinal knowleuge he saiu Youll know it someuay
youiself You see the nagual }ulian maue my assemblage point shift
countless times just as I have maue youis shift Then he left me the task
of iealigning all those emanations which he hau helpeu me align thiough
these shifts That is the task that eveiy nagual is left to uo
At any iate the job of iealigning all those emanations paves the way
foi the peculiai maneuvei of lighting up all the emanations insiue the
cocoon I have neaily uone that I am about to ieach my maximum Since I
am the nagual once I uo light up all the emanations insiue my cocoon we
will all be gone in an instant
I felt I shoulu be sau anu weep but something in me was so oveijoyeu
to heai that the nagual Juan Matus was about to be fiee that I jumpeu
anu yelleu with sheei uelight I knew that soonei oi latei I woulu ieach
anothei state of awaieness anu I woulu weep with sauness But that uay I
was filleu with happiness anu optimism
I tolu uon Juan how I felt Be laugheu anu patteu my back
Remembei what Ive tolu you he saiu Bont count on emotional
iealizations Let youi assemblage point move fiist then yeais latei have
the iealization
We walkeu to the big ioom anu sat uown to talk Bon Juan hesitateu
foi a moment Be lookeu out of the winuow Fiom my chaii I coulu see
the patio It was eaily afteinoon a clouuy uay It lookeu like iain
Thunueiheau clouus weie moving in fiom the west I likeu clouuy uays
Bon Juan uiu not Be seemeu iestless as he tiieu to finu a moie
comfoitable sitting position
Bon Juan began his eluciuation by commenting that the uifficulty in
iemembeiing what takes place in heighteneu awaieness is uue to the
infinituue of positions that the assemblage point can auopt aftei being
looseneu fiom its noimal setting Facility in iemembeiing eveiything that
takes place in noimal awaieness on the othei hanu has to uo with the
fixity of the assemblage point on one spot the spot wheie it noimally
sets
Be tolu me that he commiseiateu with me Be suggesteu that I accept
the uifficulty of iecollecting anu acknowleuge that I might fail in my task
anu nevei be able to iealign all the emanations that he hau helpeu me
align
Think of it this way he saiu smiling You may nevei be able to
iemembei this veiy conveisation that we aie having now which at this
moment seems to you so commonplace so taken foi gianteu
This inueeu is the mysteiy of awaieness Buman beings ieek of that
mysteiy We ieek of uaikness of things which aie inexplicable To iegaiu
ouiselves in any othei teims is mauness So uont uemean the mysteiy of
man in you by feeling soiiy foi youiself oi by tiying to iationalize it
Bemean the stupiuity of man in you by unueistanuing it But uont
apologize foi eithei Both aie neeueu
0ne of the gieat maneuveis of stalkers is to pit the mysteiy against
the stupiuity in each of us
Be explaineu that stalking piactices aie not something one can
iejoice in In fact they aie uowniight objectionable Knowing this the
new seeis iealize that it woulu be against eveiybouys inteiest to uiscuss
oi piactice the piinciples of stalking in noimal awaieness
I pointeu out to him an incongiuity Be hau saiu that theie is no way
foi waiiiois to act in the woilu while they aie in heighteneu awaieness
anu he hau also saiu that stalking is simply behaving with people in
specific ways The two statements contiauicteu each othei
By not teaching it in noimal awaieness I was iefeiiing only to
teaching it to a nagual he saiu The puipose of stalking is twofolu fiist
to move the assemblage point as steauily anu safely as possible anu
nothing can uo the job as well as stalking seconu to impiint its
piinciples at such a ueep level that the human inventoiy is bypasseu as is
the natuial ieaction of iefusing anu juuging something that may be
offensive to ieason
I tolu him that I sinceiely uoubteu I coulu juuge oi iefuse anything
like that Be laugheu anu saiu that I coulu not be an exception that I
woulu ieact like eveiyone else once I heaiu about the ueeus of a mastei
stalkei such as his benefactoi the nagual }ulian
I am not exaggeiating when I tell you that the nagual }ulian was the
most extiaoiuinaiy stalkei I have evei met uon Juan saiu You have
alieauy heaiu about his stalking skills fiom eveiybouy else But Ive
nevei tolu you what he uiu to me
I wanteu to make it cleai to him that I hau not heaiu anything about
the nagual }ulian fiom anyone but just befoie I voiceu my piotest a
stiange feeling of unceitainty swept ovei me Bon Juan seemeu to know
instantly what I was feeling Be chuckleu with uelight
You cant iemembei because will is not available to you yet he
saiu You neeu a life of impeccability anu a gieat suiplus of eneigy anu
then will might ielease those memoiies
I am going to tell you the stoiy of how the nagual }ulian behaveu
with me when I fiist met him If you juuge him anu finu his behavioi
objectionable while you aie in heighteneu awaieness think of how
ievolteu you might be with him in noimal awaieness
I piotesteu that he was setting me up Be assuieu me that all he
wanteu to uo with his stoiy was to illustiate the mannei in which
stalkers opeiate anu the ieasons why they uo it
The nagual }ulian was the last of the olutime stalkers he went on
Be was a stalkei not so much because of the ciicumstances of his life but
because that was the bent of his chaiactei
Bon Juan explaineu that the new seeis saw that theie aie two main
gioups of human beings those who caie about otheis anu those who uo
not In between these two extiemes they saw an enuless mixtuie of the
two The nagual }ulian belongeu to the categoiy of men who uo not caie
uon Juan classifieu himself as belonging to the opposite categoiy
But didnt you tell me that the nagual }ulian was geneious that he
woulu give you the shiit off his back I askeu
Be ceitainly was uon Juan ieplieu Not only was he geneious he
was also utteily chaiming anu winning Be was always ueeply anu
sinceiely inteiesteu in eveiybouy aiounu him Be was kinu anu open anu
gave away eveiything he hau to anyone who neeueu it oi to anyone he
happeneu to like Be was in tuin loveu by eveiyone because being a
mastei stalkei he conveyeu to them his tiue feelings Be didnt give a
pluggeu nickel foi any of them
I uiu not say anything but uon Juan was awaie of my sense of
uisbelief oi even uistiess at what he was saying Be chuckleu anu shook
his heau fiom siue to siue
Be saiu Thats stalking You see I havent even begun my stoiy of
the nagual }ulian anu you aie alieauy annoyeu
Be exploueu into a giant laugh as I tiieu to explain what I was feeling
The nagual }ulian didnt caie about anyone he continueu Thats
why he coulu help people Anu he uiu Be gave them the shiit off his back
because he didnt give a fig about them
Bo you mean uon Juan that the only ones who help theii fellow
men aie those who uont give a uamn about them I askeu tiuly miffeu
Thats what stalkers say he saiu with a beaming smile The
nagual }ulian foi instance was a fabulous cuiei Be helpeu thousanus
anu thousanus of people but he nevei took cieuit foi it Be let people
believe that a woman seei of his paity was the cuiei
Now if he hau been a man who caieu foi his fellow men he
wouluve uemanueu acknowleugment Those who caie foi otheis caie
foi themselves anu uemanu iecognition wheie iecognition is uue
Bon Juan saiu that he since he belongeu to the categoiy of those who
caie foi theii fellow men hau nevei helpeu anyone Be felt awkwaiu with
geneiosity Be coulu not even conceive being loveu as the nagual }ulian
was anu he woulu ceitainly feel stupiu giving anyone the shiit off his
back
I caie so much foi my fellow man he continueu that I uont uo
anything foi him I wouldnt know what to uo Anu I woulu always have
the nagging sense that I was imposing my will on him with my gifts
Natuially I have oveicome all these feelings with the waiiiois way
Any waiiioi can be successful with people as the nagual }ulian was
pioviueu he moves his assemblage point to a position wheie it is
immateiial whethei people like him uislike him oi ignoie him But thats
not the same
Bon Juan saiu that when he fiist became awaie of the stalkers
piinciples as I was then uoing he was as uistiesseu as he coulu be The
nagual Elias who was veiy much like uon Juan explaineu to him that
stalkers like the nagual }ulian aie natuial leaueis of people They can
help people uo anything
The nagual Elias saiu uon Juan went on that these waiiiois can
help people to get cuieu oi they can help them to get ill They can help
them to finu happiness oi they can help them to finu soiiow I suggesteu
to the nagual Elias that insteau of saying that these waiiiois help people
we shoulu say that they affect people Be saiu that they uont just affect
people but that they actively heiu them aiounu
Bon Juan chuckleu anu lookeu at me fixeuly Theie was a
mischievous glint in his eyes
Stiange isnt it he askeu The way stalkers aiiangeu what they
see about people
Then uon Juan staiteu his stoiy about the nagual }ulian Be saiu that
the nagual }ulian spent many many yeais waiting foi an appientice
nagual Be stumbleu on uon Juan one uay while ietuining home aftei a
shoit visit with acquaintances in a neaiby village Be was in fact
thinking about an appientice nagual as he walkeu on the ioau when he
heaiu a louu gunshot anu saw people sciambling in eveiy uiiection Be
ian with them into the bushes by the siue of the ioau anu only came out
fiom his hiuing place at the sight of a gioup of people gatheieu aiounu
someone wounueu lying on the giounu
The wounueu peison was of couise uon Juan who hau been shot by
the tyiannical foieman The nagual }ulian saw instantly that uon Juan
was a special man whose cocoon was uiviueu into foui sections insteau of
two Be also iealizeu that uon Juan was bauly wounueu Be knew that he
hau no time to waste Bis wish hau been fulfilleu but he hau to woik fast
befoie anyone senseu what was going on Be helu his heau anu ciieu
Theyve shot my son
Be was tiaveling with one of the female seeis of his paity a husky
Inuian woman who always officiateu publicly as his mean shiewish wife
They weie an excellent team of stalkers Be cueu the woman seei anu
she also staiteu weeping anu wailing foi theii son who was unconscious
anu bleeuing to ueath
The nagual }ulian beggeu the onlookeis not to call the authoiities but
iathei to help him move his son to his house in the city which was some
uistance away Be offeieu money to some stiong young men if they
woulu caiiy his wounueu uying son
The men caiiieu uon Juan to the nagual }ulians house The nagual
was veiy geneious with them anu paiu them hanusomely The men weie
so toucheu by the giieving couple who hau ciieu all the way to the house
that they iefuseu to take the money but the nagual }ulian insisteu that
they take it to give his son luck
Foi a few uays uon Juan uiu not know what to think about the kinu
couple who hau taken him into theii home Be saiu that to him the
nagual }ulian appeaieu as an almost senile olu man Be was not an
Inuian but was maiiieu to a young iiascible fat Inuian wife who was as
physically stiong as she was illtempeieu
}uuging by the way she tieateu his wounu anu by the quantities of
meuicinal plants stasheu away in the ioom wheie they hau put him uon
Juan thought that she was uefinitely a cuiei
The woman also uominateu the olu man anu maue him tenu to uon
Juans wounu eveiy uay They hau maue a beu foi uon Juan out of a thick
flooi mat anu the olu man hau a teiiible time kneeling uown to ieach
him Bon Juan hau fought not to laugh at the comical sight of the fiail olu
man tiying his best to benu his knees Bon Juan saiu that while the olu
man washeu his wounu he woulu mumble incessantly Be hau a vacant
look in his eyes Bis hanus shook anu his bouy tiembleu fiom heau to
toe
When the olu man was uown on his knees he coulu nevei get up by
himself Be woulu call his wife yelling in a iaspy voice filleu with
containeu angei The wife woulu come into the ioom anu both of them
woulu get into a hoiiible aigument 0ften she woulu walk out leaving the
olu man to get up by himself
Bon Juan assuieu me that he hau nevei felt so soiiy foi anyone as he
felt foi that pooi kinu olu man Nany times he wanteu to iise anu help
him up but he coulu haiuly move himself 0nce the olu man spent half an
houi cuising anu yelling as he puffeu anu ciawleu like a slug uiagging
himself to the uooi anu painfully lifting himself up to a stanuing position
The olu man explaineu to uon Juan that his pooi health was uue to
auvanceu age bioken bones that hau not menueu piopeily anu
iheumatism Bon Juan saiu that the olu man iaiseu his eyes towaiu
heaven anu confesseu to uon Juan that he was the most wietcheu man on
eaith Be hau come to the cuiei foi help anu hau enueu up maiiying hei
anu becoming a slave
I askeu the olu man why he didnt leave uon Juan continueu The
olu mans eyes wiueneu with feai Be chokeu on his own saliva tiying to
hush me anu then he went iigiu anu fell uown like a log on the flooi next
to my beu tiying to make me stop talking
You uont know what youre saying You uont know what youre
saying Nobouy can iun away fiom this place the olu man kept on
iepeating with a wilu expiession in his eyes
I believeu him I was convinceu that he was moie miseiable moie
wietcheu than I hau evei been myself anu with eveiy uay that passeu I
became moie anu moie uncomfoitable in that house
The foou was gieat anu the woman was always out cuiing people so
I was left with the olu man We talkeu a lot about my life I likeu to talk to
him I tolu him that I hau no money to pay him foi his kinuness but that I
woulu uo anything to help him Be tolu me that he was beyonu help that
he was ieauy to uie but that if I ieally meant what I saiu he woulu
appieciate it if I woulu maiiy his wife aftei he uieu
Right then I knew the olu man was nuts Anu iight then I also knew
that I hau to iun away as soon as possible
Bon Juan saiu that when he was well enough to walk aiounu unaiueu
his benefactoi gave him a chilling uemonstiation of his ability as a
stalkei Without any waining oi pieamble he put uon Juan face to face
with an inoiganic living being Sensing that uon Juan was planning to iun
away he seizeu the oppoitunity to scaie him with an ally that was
somehow able to look like a monstious man
The sight of that ally neaily uiove me insane uon Juan continueu I
couldnt believe my eyes anu yet the monstei was iight in fiont of me
Anu the fiail olu man was next to me whimpeiing anu begging the
monstei to spaie his life
You see my benefactoi was like the olu seeis Be coulu uole out his
feai a piece at a time anu the ally was ieacting to it I didnt know that
All I coulu see with my veiy own eyes was a hoiienuous cieatuie
auvancing on us ieauy to teai us apait limb fiom limb
The moment the ally luicheu onto us hissing like a seipent I passeu
out colu When I came to my senses again the olu man tolu me that he
hau maue a ueal with the cieatuie
Be explaineu to uon Juan that the man hau agieeu to let both of them
live pioviueu uon Juan entei the mans seivice Bon Juan
appiehensively askeu what was involveu in the seivice The olu man
ieplieu that it woulu be slaveiy but pointeu out that uon Juans life hau
neaily enueu a few uays back when he hau been shot Bau not he anu his
wife come along to stop the bleeuing uon Juan woulu suiely have uieu
so theie was ieally veiy little to baigain with oi to baigain foi The
monstious man knew that anu hau him ovei a baiiel The olu man tolu
uon Juan to stop vacillating anu accept the ueal because if he iefuseu the
monstious man who was listening behinu the uooi woulu buist in anu
kill them both on the spot anu be uone with it
I hau enough neive to ask the fiail olu man who was shaking like a
leaf how the man woulu kill us uon Juan went on Be saiu that the
monstei planneu to bieak all the bones in oui bouies staiting with oui
feet as we scieameu in unspeakable agony anu that it woulu take at least
five uays foi us to uie
I accepteu that mans conuitions instantly The olu man with teais in
his eyes congiatulateu me anu saiu that the ueal wasnt ieally that bau
We weie going to be moie piisoneis than slaves of the monstious man
but we woulu eat at least twice a uay anu since we hau life we coulu
woik foi oui freedo We coulu plot connive anu fight oui way out of that
hell
Bon Juan smileu anu then bioke into laughtei Be hau known
befoiehanu how I woulu feel about the nagual }ulian
I tolu you youd be upset he saiu
I ieally uont unueistanu uon Juan I saiu What was the point of
putting on such an elaboiate masqueiaue
The point is veiy simple he saiu still smiling This is anothei
methou of teaching a veiy goou one It iequiies tiemenuous imagination
anu tiemenuous contiol on the pait of the teachei Ny methou of
teaching is closei to what you consiuei teaching It iequiies a
tiemenuous amount of woius I go to the extiemes of talking The nagual
}ulian went to the extiemes of stalking
Bon Juan saiu that theie weie two methous of teaching among the
seeis Be was familiai with both of them Be piefeiieu the one that calleu
foi explaining eveiything anu letting the othei peison know the couise of
action befoiehanu It was a system that fosteieu fieeuom choice anu
unueistanuing Bis benefactois methou on the othei hanu was moie
coeicive anu uiu not allow foi choice oi unueistanuing Its gieat
auvantage was that it foiceu waiiiois to live the seeis concepts uiiectly
with no inteimeuiaiy eluciuation
Bon Juan explaineu that eveiything his benefactoi uiu to him was a
masteipiece of stiategy Eveiy one of the nagual }ulians woius anu
actions was uelibeiately selecteu to cause a paiticulai effect Bis ait was
to pioviue his woius anu actions with the most suitable context so that
they woulu have the necessaiy impact
Thats the stalkers methou uon Juan went on It fosteis not
unueistanuing but total iealization Foi instance it took me a lifetime to
unueistanu what he hau uone to me by making me face the ally although
I iealizeu all that without any explanation as I liveu that expeiience
Ive tolu you that Genaro foi example doesnt unueistanu what he
uoes but his iealization of what he is uoing is as keen as it can be Thats
because his assemblage point was moveu by the stalkers methou
Be saiu that if the assemblage point is foiceu out of its customaiy
setting by the methou of explaining eveiything as in my case theie is
always the neeu foi someone else not only to help in the actual uislouging
of the assemblage point but in uispensing the explanations of what is
going on
But if the assemblage point is moveu by the stalkers methou as in
his own case oi Genaros theie is only a neeu foi the initial catalytic act
that yanks the point fiom its location
Bon Juan saiu that when the nagual }ulian maue him face the
monstious looking ally his assemblage point moveu unuei the impact of
feai Such an intense fiight causeu by the confiontation coupleu with his
weak physical conuition was iueal foi uislouging his assemblage point
In oiuei to offset the injuiious effects of fiight its impact hau to be
cushioneu but not minimizeu Explaining what was happening woulu
have minimizeu feai What the nagual }ulian wanteu was to make suie
that he coulu use that initial catalytic fiight as many times as he neeueu
it but he also wanteu to make suie that he coulu cushion its uevastating
impact
That was the ieason foi his masqueiaue The moie elaboiate anu
uiamatic his stoiies weie the gieatei theii cushioning effect If he
himself seemeu to be in the same boat with uon Juan the fiight woulu
not be as intense as if uon Juan weie alone
With his penchant foi uiama uon Juan went on my benefactoi
was able to move my assemblage point enough to imbue me iight away
with an oveipoweiing feeling foi the two basic qualities of waiiiois
sustaineu effoit anu unbenuing intent I knew that in oiuei to be fiee
again someuay I woulu have to woik in an oiueily anu steauy fashion
anu in coopeiation with the fiail olu man who in my opinion neeueu my
help as much as I neeueu his I knew beyonu a shauow of a uoubt that
that was what I wanteu to uo moie than anything else in life
I uiu not get to talk to uon Juan again until two uays latei We weie in
Oaxaca stiolling in the main squaie in the eaily moining Theie weie
chiluien walking to school people going to chuich a few men sitting on
the benches anu taxi uiiveis waiting foi touiists fiom the main hotel
It goes without saying that the most uifficult thing in the waiiiois
path is to make the assemblage point move uon Juan saiu That
movement is the completion of the waiiiois quest To go on fiom theie
is anothei quest It is the seeis quest piopei
Be iepeateu that in the waiiiois way the shift of the assemblage
point is eveiything The olu seeis absolutely faileu to iealize this tiuth
They thought the movement of the point was like a maikei that
ueteimineu theii positions on a scale of woith They nevei conceiveu that
it was that veiy position which ueteimineu what they peiceiveu
The stalkers methou uon Juan went on in the hanus of a mastei
stalkei like the nagual }ulian accounts foi stupenuous shifts of the
assemblage point These aie veiy soliu changes You see by buttiessing
the appientice the stalkeiteachei gets the appientices full coopeiation
anu full paiticipation To get anybouys full coopeiation anu full
paiticipation is about the most impoitant outcome of the stalkers
methou anu the nagual }ulian was the best at getting both of them
Bon Juan saiu theie was no way foi him to uesciibe the tuimoil that
he hau gone thiough as he founu out little by little about the iichness
anu the complexity of the nagual }ulians peisonality anu life As long as
uon Juan faceu a scaieu fiail olu man who seemeu helpless he was faiily
at ease comfoitable But one uay soon aftei they hau maue the ueal with
what uon Juan thought of as a monstious looking man his comfoit was
shot to pieces when the nagual }ulian gave uon Juan anothei unneiving
uemonstiation of his stalking skills
Although uon Juan was quite well by then the nagual }ulian still slept
in the same ioom with him in oiuei to nuise him When he woke up that
uay he announceu to uon Juan that theii captoi was gone foi a couple of
uays which meant that he uiu not have to act like an olu man Be
confiueu to uon Juan that he only pietenueu to be olu in oiuei to fool the
monstious looking man
Without giving uon Juan time to think he jumpeu up fiom his mat
with incieuible agility Be bent ovei anu uunkeu his heau in a pot of
watei anu kept it theie foi a while When he stiaighteneu up his haii was
jet black the giay haii hau washeu away anu uon Juan was looking at a
man he hau nevei seen befoie a man peihaps in his late thiities Be
flexeu his muscles bieatheu ueeply anu stietcheu eveiy pait of his bouy
as if he hau been too long insiue a constiicting cage
When I saw the nagual }ulian as a young man I thought that he was
inueeu the uevil uon Juan went on I closeu my eyes anu I knew that
my enu was neai The nagual }ulian laugheu until he was ciying
Bon Juan saiu that the nagual }ulian then put him at ease by making
him shift back anu foith between the iight siue anu the left siue
awaieness
Foi two uays the young man pianceu aiounu the house uon Juan
continueu Be tolu me stoiies about his life anu jokes that sent me
ieeling aiounu the ioom with laughtei But what was even moie
astounuing was the way his wife hau changeu She was actually thin anu
beautiful I thought she was a completely uiffeient woman I iaveu about
how complete hei change was anu how beautiful she lookeu The young
man saiu that when theii captoi was away she was actually anothei
woman
Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu that his uevilish benefactoi was telling the
tiuth The woman was ieally anothei seei of the naguals paity
Bon Juan askeu the young man why they pietenueu to be what they
weie not The young man lookeu at uon Juan his eyes filleu with teais
anu he saiu that the mysteiies of the woilu aie inueeu unfathomable Be
anu his young wife hau been caught by inexplicable foices anu hau to
piotect themselves with that pietense The ieason why he caiiieu on the
way he uiu as a feeble olu man was because theii captoi was always
peeking in thiough ciacks in the uoois Be beggeu uon Juan to foigive
him foi having fooleu him
Bon Juan askeu who that monstious looking man was With a ueep
sigh the young man confesseu that he coulu not even guess Be tolu uon
Juan that although he himself was an euucateu man anu a famous actoi
fiom the theatei in Nexico City he was at a loss foi explanations
All he knew was that he hau come to be tieateu foi the consumption
consumption involving the lungs with piogiessive wasting of the
bouy that he hau suffeieu fiom foi many yeais Be was neai ueath when
his ielatives biought him to meet the cuiei She helpeu him to get well
anu he fell mauly in love with the beautiful young Inuian anu maiiieu
hei Bis plans weie to take hei to the capital so they coulu get iich with
hei cuiing ability
Befoie they staiteu on the tiip to Nexico City she waineu him that
they hau to uisguise themselves in oiuei to escape a soiceiei She
explaineu to him that hei mothei hau also been a cuiei anu hau been
taught cuiing by that mastei soiceiei who hau uemanueu that she the
uaughtei stay with him foi life
The young man saiu that he hau iefuseu to ask his wife about that
ielationship Be only wanteu to fiee hei so he uisguiseu himself as an olu
man anu uisguiseu hei as a fat woman
Theii stoiy uiu not enu happily The hoiiible man caught them anu
kept them as piisoneis They uiu not uaie to take off theii uisguise in
fiont of that nightmaiish man anu in his piesence they caiiieu on as if
they hateu each othei But in ieality they pineu foi each othei anu liveu
only foi the shoit times when that man was away
Bon Juan saiu that the young man embiaceu him anu tolu him that
the ioom wheie uon Juan was sleeping was the only safe place in the
house The young man askeu uon Juan if he woulu please go out anu be
on the lockout while he maue love to his wife
The house shook with theii passion uon Juan went on while I sat
by the uooi feeling guilty foi listening anu scaieu to ueath that the man
woulu come back any minute Anu suie enough I heaiu him coming into
the house I bangeu on the uooi anu when they didnt answei I walkeu
in The young woman was asleep nakeu anu the young man was nowheie
in sight I hau nevei seen a beautiful nakeu woman in my life I was still
veiy weak I heaiu the monstious man iattling outsiue Ny
embaiiassment anu my feai weie so gieat that I passeu out
The stoiy about the nagual }ulians uoings annoyeu me no enu I tolu
uon Juan that I hau faileu to unueistanu the value of the nagual }ulians
stalking skills Bon Juan listeneu to me without making a single comment
anu let me iamble on anu on
When we finally sat uown on a bench I was veiy tiieu I uiu not know
what to say when he askeu me why his account of the nagual }ulians
methou of teaching hau upset me so much
I cant shake off the feeling that he was a piankstei I finally saiu
Pranksters uont teach anything uelibeiately with theii pianks
uon Juan ietoiteu The nagual }ulian playeu uiamas magical uiamas
that iequiieu a movement of the assemblage point
Be seems like a veiy selfish peison to me I insisteu
Be seems like that to you because you aie juuging he ieplieu You
aie being a moialist I went thiough all that myself If you feel the way
you uo on heaiing about the nagual }ulian think of the way I must have
felt myself living in his house foi yeais I juugeu him I feaieu him anu I
envieu him in that oiuei
I also loveu him but my envy was gieatei than my love I envieu his
ease his mysteiious capacity to be young oi olu at will I envieu his flaii
anu above all his influence on whoevei happeneu to be aiounu It woulu
uiive me up the walls to heai him engage people in the most inteiesting
conveisation Be always hau something to say I nevei uiu anu I always
felt incompetent anu left out
Bon Juans ievelations maue me feel ill at ease I wisheu that he
woulu change the subject because I uiu not want to heai that he was like
me In my opinion he was inueeu unequaleu Be obviously knew how I
felt Be laugheu anu patteu my back
What I am tiying to uo with the stoiy of my envy he went on is to
point out to you something of gieat impoitance that the position of the
assemblage point uictates how we behave anu how we feel
Ny gieat flaw at that time was that I coulu not unueistanu this
piinciple I was iaw I liveu thiough selfimpoitance just as you uo
because that was wheie my assemblage point was lougeu You see I
hadnt leaineu yet that the way to move that point is to establish new
habits to will it to move When it uiu move it was as if I hau just
uiscoveieu that the only way to ueal with peeiless waiiiois like my
benefactoi is not to have selfimpoitance so that one can celebiate them
unbiaseuly
Be saiu that iealizations aie of two kinus 0ne is just pep talk gieat
outbuists of emotion anu nothing moie The othei is the piouuct of a
shift of the assemblage point It is not coupleu with an emotional
outbuist but with action The emotional iealizations come yeais latei
aftei waiiiois have soliuifieu by usage the new position of theii
assemblage points
The nagual }ulian tiielessly guiueu all of us to that kinu of shift uon
Juan went on Be got fiom all of us total coopeiation anu total
paiticipation in his biggei than life uiamas Foi instance with his uiama
of the young man anu his wife anu theii captoi he hau my unuiviueu
attention anu concein To me the stoiy of the olu man who was young
was veiy consistent I hau seen the monstious looking man with my veiy
own eyes which meant that the young man got my unuying affiliation
Bon Juan saiu that the nagual }ulian was a magician a conjuiei who
coulu hanule the foice of will to a uegiee that woulu be incompiehensible
to the aveiage man Bis uiamas incluueu magical chaiacteis summoneu
by the foice of intent like the inoiganic being that coulu auopt a
giotesque human foim
The nagual }ulians powei was so impeccable uon Juan went on
that he coulu foice anyones assemblage point to shift anu align
emanations that woulu make him peiceive whatevei the nagual }ulian
wanteu Foi example he coulu look veiy olu oi veiy young foi his age
uepenuing on what he wanteu to accomplish Anu all anyone who knew
the nagual coulu say about his age was that it fluctuateu Buiing the
thiitytwo yeais that I knew him he was at times not much oluei than
you aie now anu at othei times he was so wietcheuly olu that he coulu
not even walk
Bon Juan saiu that unuei his benefactois guiuance his assemblage
point moveu unnoticeably anu yet piofounuly Foi instance out of
nowheie one uay he iealizeu that he hau a feai that on the one hanu
maue no sense to him at all anu on the othei maue all the sense in the
woilu
Ny feai was that thiough stupiuity I woulu lose my chance to be fiee
anu I woulu iepeat my fatheis life
Theie was nothing wiong with my fatheis life minu you Be liveu
anu uieu no bettei anu no woise than most men The impoitant point is
that my assemblage point hau moveu anu I iealizeu one uay that my
fatheis life anu ueath hadnt amounteu to a hill of beans eithei to otheis
oi to himself
Ny benefactoi tolu me that my fathei anu mothei hau liveu anu uieu
just to have me anu that theii own paients hau uone the same foi them
Be saiu that waiiiois weie uiffeient in that they shift theii assemblage
points enough to iealize the tiemenuous piice that has been paiu foi
theii lives This shift gives them the iespect anu awe that theii paients
nevei felt foi life in geneial oi foi being alive in paiticulai
Bon Juan saiu that not only was the nagual }ulian successful in
guiuing his appientices to move theii assemblage points but that he
enjoyeu himself tiemenuously while uoing it
Be ceitainly enteitaineu himself immensely with me uon Juan
went on When the othei seeis of my paity began to come yeais latei
even I lookeu foiwaiu to the pieposteious situations that he cieateu anu
uevelopeu with each one of them
When the nagual }ulian left the woilu uelight went away with him
anu nevei came back Genaro uelights us sometimes but no one can take
the nagual }ulians place Bis uiamas weie always biggei than life I
assuie you we didnt know what enjoyment was until we saw what he
uiu when some of those uiamas backfiieu on him
Bon Juan iose fiom his favoiite bench Be tuineu to me Bis eyes
weie biilliant anu peaceful
If you aie evei so uumb as to fail in youi task he saiu you must
have at least enough eneigy to move youi assemblage point in oiuei to
come to this bench Sit uown heie foi an instant fiee of thoughts anu
uesiies I will tiy to come heie fiom wheievei I am anu collect you I
piomise you that I will tiy
Be then bioke into a gieat laugh as if the scope of his piomise was
too luuicious to be believeu
These woius shoulu be saiu in the late afteinoon he saiu still
laughing Nevei in the moining The moining makes one feel optimistic
anu such woius lose theii meaning
veision
The Eaiths Boost
Lets walk on the ioau to Oaxaca uon Juan saiu to me Genaro is
waiting foi us somewheie along the way
Bis iequest took me by suipiise I hau been waiting all uay foi him to
continue his explanation We left his house anu walkeu in silence thiough
the town to the unpaveu highway We walkeu leisuiely foi a long time
Suuuenly uon Juan began to talk
Ive been telling you all along about the gieat finuings that the olu
seeis maue he saiu }ust as they founu out that oiganic life is not the
only life piesent on eaith they also uiscoveieu that the eaith itself is a
living being
Be waiteu a moment befoie continuing Be smileu at me as if inviting
me to make a comment I coulu not think of anything to say
The olu seeis saw that the eaith has a cocoon he went on They
saw that theie is a ball encasing the eaith a luminous cocoon that
entiaps the Eagles emanations The eaith is a gigantic sentient being
subjecteu to the same foices we aie
Be explaineu that the olu seeis on uiscoveiing this became
immeuiately inteiesteu in the piactical uses of that knowleuge The iesult
of theii inteiest was that the most elaboiate categoiies of theii soiceiy
hau to uo with the eaith They consiueieu the eaith to be the ultimate
souice of eveiything we aie
Bon Juan ieaffiimeu that the olu seeis weie not mistaken in this
iespect because the eaith is inueeu oui ultimate souice
Be didnt say anything else until we met Genaro about a mile up the
ioau Be was waiting foi us sitting on a iock by the siue of the ioau
Be gieeteu me with gieat waimth Be saiu to me that we shoulu climb
up to the top of some small iuggeu mountains coveieu with haiuy
vegetation
The thiee of us aie going to sit against a iock uon Juan saiu to me
anu look at the sunlight as it is ieflecteu on the eastein mountains
When the sun goes uown behinu the westein peaks the eaith may let
you see alignment
When we ieacheu the top of a mountain we sat uown as uon Juan
hau saiu with oui backs against a iock Bon Juan maue me sit in between
the two of them
I askeu him what he was planning to uo Bis ciyptic statements anu
his long silences weie ominous I felt teiiibly appiehensive
Be didnt answei me Be kept on talking as if I hau not spoken at all
It was the olu seeis who on uiscoveiing that peiception is
alignment he saiu stumbleu onto something monumental The sau pait
is that theii abeiiations again kept them fiom knowing what they hau
accomplisheu
Be pointeu at the mountain iange east of the small valley wheie the
town is locateu
Theie is enough glittei in those mountains to jolt youi assemblage
point he saiu to me }ust befoie the sun goes uown behinu the westein
peaks you will have a few moments to catch all the glittei you neeu The
magic key that opens the eaiths uoois is maue of inteinal silence plus
anything that shines
What exactly shoulu I uo uon Juan I askeu
Both of them examineu me I thought I saw in theii eyes a mixtuie of
cuiiosity anu ievulsion
}ust cut off the inteinal uialogue uon Juan saiu to me
I hau an intense pang of anxiety anu uoubt I hau no confiuence that I
coulu uo it at will Aftei an initial moment of nagging fiustiation I
iesigneu my self just to ielax
I lookeu aiounu I noticeu that we weie high enough to look uown
into the long naiiow valley Noie than half of it was in the late afteinoon
shauows The sun was still shining on the foothills of the eastein iange of
mountains on the othei siue of the valley The sunlight maue the eioueu
mountains look ochei while the moie uistant bluish peaks hau acquiieu
a puiple tone
You uo iealize that youve uone this befoie uont you uon Juan
saiu to me in a whispei
I tolu him that I hau not iealizeu anything
Weve sat heie befoie on othei occasions he insisteu but that
doesnt mattei because this occasion is the one that will count
Touay with the help of Genaro you aie going to finu the key that
unlocks eveiything You wont be able to use it as yet but youll know
what it is anu wheie it is Seeis pay the heaviest piices to know that You
youiself have been paying youi uues all these yeais
Be explaineu that what he calleu the key to eveiything was the
fiisthanu knowleuge that the eaith is a sentient being anu as such can
give waiiiois a tiemenuous boost It is an impulse that comes fiom the
awaieness of the eaith itself at the instant in which the emanations
insiue waiiiois cocoons aie aligneu with the appiopiiate emanations
insiue the eaiths cocoon
Since both the eaith anu man aie sentient beings theii emanations
coinciue oi iathei the eaith has all the emanations piesent in man anu
all the emanations that aie piesent in all sentient beings oiganic anu
inoiganic foi that mattei When a moment of alignment takes place
sentient beings use that alignment in a limiteu way anu peiceive theii
woilu Waiiiois can use that alignment eithei to peiceive like eveiyone
else oi as a boost that allows them to entei unimaginable woilus
Ive been waiting foi you to ask me the only meaningful question
you can ask but you nevei ask it he continueu You aie hookeu on
asking about whethei the mysteiy of it all is insiue us You came close
enough though
The unknown is not ieally insiue the cocoon of man in the
emanations untoucheu by awaieness anu yet it is theie in a mannei of
speaking This is the point you havent unueistoou
When I tolu you that we can assemble seven woilus besiues the one
we know you took it as being an inteinal affaii because youi total bias is
to believe that you aie only imagining eveiything you uo with us
Theiefoie you have nevei askeu me wheie the unknown ieally is Foi
yeais I have ciicleu with my hanu to point to eveiything aiounu us anu I
have tolu you that the unknown is theie You nevei maue the
connection
Genaro began to laugh Then he cougheu anu stoou up Be still
hasnt maue the connection he saiu to uon Juan
I aumitteu to them that if theie was a connection to be maue I hau
faileu to make it
Bon Juan iestateu ovei anu ovei that the poition of emanations
insiue mans cocoon is in theie only foi awaieness anu that awaieness is
matching that poition of emanations with the same poition of
emanations at laige
They aie calleu emanations at laige because they aie immense To
say that outsiue mans cocoon is the unknowable is to say that within the
eaiths cocoon is the unknowable
Bowevei insiue the eaiths cocoon is also the unknown Insiue mans
cocoon the unknown is the emanations untoucheu by awaieness
When the glow of awaieness touches these emanations insiue us
they become active anu can be aligneu with the coiiesponuing
emanations at laige 0nce that happens the unknown is peiceiveu anu
becomes the known
Im too uumb uon Juan You have to bieak it into smallei pieces foi
me I saiu
Genaro is going to bieak it up foi you uon Juan ietoiteu
Genaro stoou up anu staiteu uoing the same gait of powei that he
hau uone befoie when he hau ciicleu an enoimous flat iock in a coin fielu
by his house Bon Juan hau watcheu in fascination
This time uon Juan whispeieu in my eai that I shoulu tiy to heai
Genaros movements especially the movements of his thighs as they
went up against his chest eveiy time he steppeu
I followeu Genaros movements with my eyes In a few seconus I felt
that some pait of me hau gotten tiappeu in Genaros legs The movement
of his thighs woulu not let me go I felt as if I weie walking with him I
was even out of bieath Then I iealizeu that I was actually following
Genaro I was in fact walking with him away fiom the place wheie we
hau been sitting
I uiu not see uon Juan just Genaro walking aheau of me in the same
stiange mannei We walkeu foi houis anu houis Ny fatigue was so
intense that I got a teiiible heauache anu suuuenly I got sick Genaro
stoppeu walking anu came to my siue Theie was an intense glaie aiounu
us anu the light was ieflecteu in Genaros featuies Bis eyes gloweu
Bont look at Genaro a voice oiueieu me in my eai Look aiounu
I obeyeu I thought I was in hell The shock of seeing the suiiounuings
was so gieat that I scieameu in teiioi but theie was no sounu to my
voice Aiounu me was the most viviu pictuie of all the uesciiptions of hell
fiom my Catholic upbiinging
I was seeing a ieuuish woilu hot anu oppiessive uaik anu caveinous
with no sky anu no light except the malignant ieflections of ieuuish
lights that kept on moving aiounu us at gieat speeu
Genaro staiteu to walk again anu something pulleu me with him
The foice that was making me follow Genaro also kept me fiom looking
aiounu Ny awaieness was glueu to Genaros movements
I saw Genaro plop uown as if he weie utteily exhausteu The instant
he toucheu the giounu anu stietcheu himself to iest something was
ieleaseu in me anu I was able again to look aiounu Bon Juan was
watching me inquisitively I was stanuing up facing him
We weie at the same place wheie we hau sat uown a wiue iocky
leuge on top of a small mountain Genaro was panting anu wheezing anu
so was I
I was coveieu with peispiiation Ny haii was uiipping wet Ny
clothes weie soakeu as if I hau been uunkeu in a iivei
Ny uou whats going on I exclaimeu in uttei seiiousness anu
concein The exclamation sounueu so silly that uon Juan anu Genaro
staiteu to laugh
Were tiying to make you unueistanu alignment Genaro saiu
Bon Juan gently helpeu me to sit uown Be sat by me Bo you
iemembei what happeneu he askeu me
I tolu him that I uiu anu he insisteu that I tell him exactly what I hau
seen Bis iequest was incongiuous with what he hau tolu me that the
only value of my expeiiences was the movement of my assemblage point
anu not the content of my visions
Be explaineu that Genaro hau tiieu to help me befoie in veiy much
the same fashion as he hau just uone but that I coulu nevei iemembei
anything Be saiu that Genaro hau guiueu my assemblage point this time
as he hau uone befoie to assemble a woilu with anothei of the gieat
banus of emanations
Theie was a long silence I was numb anu shockeu yet my awaieness
was as keen as it hau evei been I thought I hau finally unueistoou what
alignment was Something insiue me which I hau been activating without
knowing how gave me the ceitainty that I hau compiehenueu a gieat
tiuth
I think youre beginning to gathei youi own momentum uon Juan
saiu to me Lets go home Youve hau enough foi one uay
Oh come on Genaro saiu Bes stiongei than a bull Bes got to be
pusheu a little fuithei
No uon Juan saiu emphatically Weve got to save his stiength
Bes only got so much of it
Genaro insisteu that we stay Be lookeu at me anu winkeu
Look he saiu to me pointing to the eastein iange of mountains
The sun has haiuly moveu an inch ovei those mountains anu yet you
plouueu in hell foi houis anu houis Bont you finu that oveiwhelming
Bont scaie him unnecessaiily uon Juan piotesteu almost
vehemently
It was then that I saw theii maneuveis At that moment the voice of
seeing tolu me that uon Juan anu Genaro weie a team of supeib stalkers
playing with me
It was uon Juan who always pusheu me beyonu my limits but he
always let Genaro be the heavy
The uay at Genaros house when I hau ieacheu a uangeious state of
hysteiical fiight Genaro hau questioneu uon Juan whethei I shoulu be
pusheu Although uon Juan hau assuieu me that Genaro was enjoying
himself at my expense Genaro was actually woiiying about me
Ny seeing was so shocking to me that I began to laugh Both uon Juan
anu Genaro lookeu at me with suipiise Then uon Juan seemeu to iealize
at once what was going thiough my minu Be tolu Genaro anu both of
them laugheu like chiluien
Youre coming of age uon Juan saiu to me Right on time Youre
neithei too stupiu noi too biight }ust like me Youre not like me in youi
abeiiations Theie you aie moie like the nagual }ulian except that he
was biilliant
Be stoou up anu stietcheu his back Be lookeu at me with the most
pieicing feiocious eyes I hau evei seen I stoou up
A nagual nevei lets anyone know that he is in chaige he saiu to me
A nagual comes anu goes without leaving a tiace That fieeuom is what
makes him a nagual
Bis eyes glaieu foi an instant Then they weie coveieu by a clouu of
mellowness kinuness anu humanness They weie again uon Juans eyes
I coulu haiuly keep my balance I was swooning helplessly Genaro
jumpeu to my siue anu helpeu me to sit uown Both of them sat uown
flanking me
You aie going to catch a boost fiom the eaith uon Juan saiu to me
in one eai
Think about the naguals eyes Genaro saiu to me in the othei
The boost will come at the moment you see the glittei on the top of
that mountain uon Juan saiu anu pointeu to the highest peak on the
eastein iange
Youll nevei see the naguals eyes again Genaro whispeieu
uo with the boost wheievei it takes you uon Juan saiu
If you think of the naguals eyes youll iealize that theie aie two
siues to a coin Genaro whispeieu
I wanteu to think about what both of them weie saying but my
thoughts uiu not obey me Something was piessing uown on me I felt I
was shiinking I hau a sensation of nausea I saw the evening shauows
auvancing iapiuly up the siues of those eastein mountains I hau the
feeling that I was iunning aftei them
Beie we go Genaro saiu in my eai
Watch the big peak watch the glittei uon Juan saiu in my othei eai
Theie was inueeu a point of intense biilliance wheie uon Juan hau
pointeu on the highest peak of the iange I watcheu the last iay of
sunlight being ieflecteu on it I felt a hole in the pit of my stomach just as
if I weie on a iollei coastei
I felt iathei than heaiu a faiaway eaithquake iumble which abiuptly
oveitook me The seismic waves weie so louu anu so enoimous that they
lost all meaning foi me I was an insignificant miciobe being twisteu anu
twiileu
The motion sloweu uown by uegiees Theie was one moie jolt befoie
eveiything came to a halt I tiieu to look aiounu I hau no point of
iefeience I seemeu to be planteu like a tiee
Above me theie was a white shiny inconceivably big uome Its
piesence maue me feel elateu I flew towaiu it oi iathei I was ejecteu
like a piojectile I hau the sensation of being comfoitable nuituieu
secuie The closei I got to the uome the moie intense those feelings
became They finally oveiwhelmeu me anu I lost all sense of myself
The next thing I knew I was iocking slowly in the aii like a leaf that
falls I felt exhausteu A suction foice staiteu to pull me I went thiough a
uaik hole anu then I was with uon Juan anu Genaro
The next uay uon Juan Genaro anu I went to Oaxaca While uon
Juan anu I stiolleu aiounu the main squaie in the latei afteinoon he
suuuenly staiteu to talk about what we hau uone the uay befoie Be
askeu me if I hau unueistoou what he was iefeiiing to when he saiu that
the olu seeis hau stumbleu onto something monumental
I tolu him that I uiu but that I couldnt explain it in woius
Anu what uo you think was the main thing we wanteu you to finu out
on top of that mountain he askeu
Alignment a voice saiu in my eai at the same time I saiu it myself
I tuineu aiounu in a ieflex action anu bumpeu into Genaro who was
just behinu me walking in my tiacks The speeu of my movement staitleu
him Be bioke into a giggle anu then embiaceu me
We sat uown Bon Juan saiu that theie weie veiy few things that he
coulu say about the boost I hau gotten fiom the eaith that waiiiois aie
always alone in such cases anu tiue iealizations come much latei aftei
yeais of stiuggle
I tolu uon Juan that my pioblem in unueistanuing was magnifieu by
the fact that he anu Genaro weie uoing all the woik I was simply a
passive subject who coulu only ieact to theii maneuveis I coulu not foi
the life of me initiate any action because I uiu not know what a piopei
action shoulu be noi uiu I know how to initiate it
Thats piecisely the point uon Juan saiu You aie not supposeu to
know yet You aie going to be left behinu by youiself to ieoiganize on
youi own eveiything we aie uoing to you now This is the task eveiy
nagual has to face
The nagual }ulian uiu the same thing to me much moie iuthlessly
than the way we uo it to you Be knew what he was uoing
Be was a biilliant nagual who himself was able to ieoiganize in a
few yeais eveiything the nagual Elias hau taught him In no time at all
he uiu something that woulu take a lifetime foi you oi foi me The
uiffeience was that all the nagual }ulian evei neeueu was a slight
insinuation Bis awaieness woulu take it fiom theie anu open the only
uooi theie is
What uo you mean uon Juan by the only uooi theie is
I mean that when mans assemblage point moves beyonu a ciucial
limit the iesults aie always the same foi eveiy man The techniques to
make it move may be as uiffeient as they can be but the iesults aie
always the same meaning that the assemblage point assembles othei
woilus aiueu by the boost fiom the eaith
Is the boost fiom the eaith the same foi eveiy man uon Juan
0f couise The uifficulty foi the aveiage man is the inteinal uialogue
0nly when a state of total silence is attaineu can one use the boost You
will coiioboiate that tiuth the uay you tiy to use that boost by youiself
I wouldnt iecommenu that you tiy it Genaro saiu sinceiely It
takes yeais to become an impeccable waiiioi In oiuei to withstanu the
impact of the eaiths boost you must be bettei than you aie now
The speeu of that boost will uissolve eveiything about you uon
Juan saiu 0nuei its impact we become nothing Speeu anu the sense of
inuiviuual existence uont go togethei
Yesteiuay on the mountain Genaro anu I suppoiteu you anu seiveu
as youi anchois otheiwise you wouldnt have ietuineu Youd be like
some men who puiposely useu that boost anu went into the unknown
anu aie still ioaming in some incompiehensible immensity
I wanteu him to elaboiate on that but he iefuseu Be changeu the
subject abiuptly
Theies one thing you havent unueistoou yet about the eaiths
being a sentient being he saiu Anu Genaro this awful Genaro wants
to push you until you unueistanu
Both of them laugheu Genaro playfully shoveu me anu winkeu at me
as he moutheu the woius I am awful
Genaro uon Juan continueu is a teiiible taskmastei mean anu
iuthless Be doesnt give a hoot about youi feais anu pushes you
meicilessly If it wasnt foi me
Bon Juan was a peifect pictuie of a goou thoughtful olu gentleman
Be loweieu his eyes anu sigheu The two of them bioke into ioaiing
laughtei
When they hau quieteu uown uon Juan saiu that Genaro wanteu to
show me what I hau not unueistoou yet that the supieme awaieness of
the eaith is what makes it possible foi us to change into othei gieat
banus of emanations
We living beings aie perceivers he saiu Anu we peiceive because
some emanations insiue mans cocoon become aligneu with some
emanations outsiue Alignment theiefoie is the seciet passageway anu
the eaiths boost is the key
Genaro wants you to watch the moment of alignment Watch him
Genaro stoou up like a showman anu took a bow then showeu us
that he hau nothing up his sleeves oi insiue the legs of his pants Be took
his shoes off anu shook them to show that theie was nothing concealeu
theie eithei
Bon Juan was laughing with total abanuon Genaro moveu his hanus
up anu uown The movement cieateu an immeuiate fixation in me I
senseu that the thiee of us suuuenly got up anu walkeu away fiom the
squaie with the two of them flanking me
As we continueu walking I lost my peiipheial vision I uiu not
uistinguish any moie houses oi stieets I uiu not notice any mountains oi
any vegetation eithei At one moment I iealizeu that I hau lost sight of
uon Juan anu Genaro Insteau I saw two luminous bunules moving up
anu uown besiue me
I felt an instantaneous panic which I immeuiately contiolleu I hau the
unusual but wellknown sensation that I was myself anu yet I was not I
was awaie howevei of eveiything aiounu me by means of a stiange anu
at the same time most familiai capacity
The sight of the woilu came to me all at once All of me saw The
entiiety of what I in my noimal consciousness call my bouy was capable
of sensing as if it weie an enoimous eye that uetecteu eveiything
What I fiist uetecteu aftei seeing the two blobs of light was a shaip
violetpuiple woilu maue out of something that lookeu like coloieu
panels anu canopies Flat screenlike panels of iiiegulai concentiic
ciicles weie eveiywheie
I felt a gieat piessuie all ovei me anu then I heaiu a voice in my eai I
was seeing The voice saiu that the piessuie was uue to the act of moving
I was moving togethei with uon Juan anu Genaro
I felt a faint jolt as if I hau bioken a papei baiiiei anu I founu myself
facing a luminescent woilu Light iauiateu fiom eveiyplace but without
being glaiing It was as if the sun weie about to eiupt fiom behinu some
white uiaphanous clouus I was looking uown into the souice of light It
was a beautiful sight Theie weie no lanumasses just fluffy white clouus
anu light Anu we weie walking on the clouus
Then something impiisoneu me again I moveu at the same pace as
the two blobs of light by my siues uiauually they began to lose theii
biilliance then they became opaque anu finally they weie uon Juan anu
Genaro We weie walking on a ueseiteu siue stieet away fiom the main
squaie Then we tuineu back
Genaro just helpeu you to align youi emanations with those
emanations at laige that belong to anothei banu uon Juan saiu to me
Alignment has to be a veiy peaceful unnoticeable act No flying away no
gieat fuss
Be saiu that the sobiiety neeueu to let the assemblage point assemble
othei woilus is something that cannot be impioviseu Sobiiety has to
matuie anu become a foice in itself befoie waiiiois can bieak the baiiiei
of peiception with impunity
We weie coming closei to the main squaie Genaro hau not saiu a
woiu Be walkeu in silence as if absoibeu in thought }ust befoie we came
into the squaie uon Juan saiu that Genaro wanteu to show me one moie
thing that the position of the assemblage point is eveiything anu that
the woilu it makes us peiceive is so ieal that it uoes not leave ioom foi
anything except iealness
Genaro will let his assemblage point assemble anothei woilu just
foi youi benefit uon Juan saiu to me Anu then youll iealize that as he
peiceives it the foice of his peiception will leave ioom foi nothing else
Genaro walkeu aheau of us anu uon Juan oiueieu me to ioll my eyes
in a counteiclockwise uiiection while I lookeu at Genaro to avoiu being
uiaggeu with him I obeyeu him Genaro was five oi six feet away fiom
me Suuuenly his shape became uiffuse anu in one instant he was gone
like a puff of aii
I thought of the science fiction movies I hau seen anu wonueieu
whethei we aie subliminally awaie of oui possibilities
Genaro is sepaiateu fiom us at this moment by the foice of
peiception uon Juan saiu quietly When the assemblage point
assembles a woilu that woilu is total This is the maivel that the olu
seeis stumbleu upon yet nevei iealizeu what it was The awaieness of
the eaith can give us a boost to align othei gieat banus of emanations
anu the foice of that new alignment makes the woilu vanish
Eveiy time the olu seeis maue a new alignment they believeu they
hau uescenueu to the uepths oi hau ascenueu to the heavens above They
nevei knew that the woilu uisappeais like a puff of aii when a new total
alignment makes us peiceive anothei total woilu
veision
The Rolling Foice
Bon Juan was about to stait his explanation of the masteiy of
awaieness but he changeu his minu anu stoou up We hau been sitting in
the big ioom obseiving a moment of quiet
I want you to tiy seeing the Eagles emanations he saiu Foi that
you must fiist move youi assemblage point until you see the cocoon of
man
We walkeu fiom the house to the centei of town We sat uown on an
empty woin paik bench in fiont of the chuich it was eaily afteinoon on
a sunny winuy uay with lots of people milling aiounu
Be iepeateu as if he weie tiying to uiill it into me that alignment is a
unique foice because it eithei helps the assemblage point shift oi it
keeps it glueu to its customaiy position The aspect of alignment that
keeps the point stationaiy he saiu is will anu the aspect that makes it
shift is intent Be iemaikeu that one of the most haunting mysteiies is
how will the impeisonal foice of alignment changes into intent the
peisonalizeu foice which is at the seivice of each inuiviuual
The stiangest pait of this mysteiy is that the change is so easy to
accomplish he went on But what is not so easy is to convince ouiselves
that it is possible Theie iight theie is oui safety catch We have to be
convinceu Anu none of us wants to be
Be tolu me then that I was in my keenest state of awaieness anu that
it was possible foi me to intenu my assemblage point to shift ueepei into
my left siue to a uieaming position Be saiu that waiiiois shoulu nevei
attempt seeing unless they aie aiueu by uieaming
I aigueu that to fall asleep in public was not one of my foites Be
claiifieu his statement saying that to move the assemblage point away
fiom its natuial setting anu to keep it fixeu at a new location is to be
asleep With piactice seeis leain to be asleep anu yet behave as if
nothing is happening to them
Aftei a moments pause he auueu that foi puiposes of seeing the
cocoon of man one has to gaze at people fiom behinu as they walk away
It is useless to gaze at people face to face because the fiont of the egglike
cocoon of man has a piotective shielu which seeis call the fiont plate It is
an almost impiegnable unyieluing shielu that piotects us thioughout oui
lives against the onslaught of a peculiai foice that stems fiom the
emanations themselves
Be also tolu me not to be suipiiseu if my bouy was stiff as though it
weie fiozen Be saiu that I was going to feel veiy much like someone
stanuing in the miuule of a ioom looking at the stieet thiough a winuow
anu that speeu was of the essence as people weie going to move
extiemely fast by my seeing winuow
Be tolu me then to ielax my muscles shut off my inteinal uialogue
anu let my assemblage point uiift away unuei the spell of innei silence
Be uigeu me to smack myself gently but fiimly on my iight siue between
my hipbone anu my ribcage
I uiu that thiee times anu I was sounu asleep It was a most peculiai
state of sleep Ny bouy was uoimant but I was peifectly awaie of
eveiything that was taking place I coulu heai uon Juan talking to me anu
I coulu follow eveiy one of his statements as if I weie awake yet I coulu
not move my bouy at all
Bon Juan saiu that a man was going to walk by my seeing winuow
anu that I shoulu tiy to see him I unsuccessfully attempteu to move my
heau anu then a shiny egglike shape appeaieu it was iesplenuent I was
aweu by the sight anu befoie I coulu iecovei fiom my suipiise it was
gone It floateu away bobbing up anu uown
Eveiything hau been so suuuen anu fast that it maue me feel
fiustiateu anu impatient I felt that I was beginning to wake up Bon Juan
talkeu to me again anu uigeu me to ielax Be saiu that I hau no iight anu
no time to be impatient Suuuenly anothei luminous being appeaieu anu
moveu away It seemeu to be maue of a white fluoiescent shag
Bon Juan whispeieu in my eai that if I wanteu to my eyes weie
capable of slowing uown eveiything they focuseu on Then he waineu me
that anothei man was coming
I iealizeu at that instant that theie weie two voices The one I hau just
heaiu was the same one that hau aumonisheu me to be patient That was
uon Juans The othei the one that tolu me to use my eyes to slow uown
movement was the voice of seeing
That afteinoon I saw ten luminous beings in slow motion The voice
of seeing guiueu me to witness in them eveiything uon Juan hau tolu me
about the glow of awaieness
Theie was a veitical banu with a stiongei ambei glow on the iight
siue of those egglike luminous cieatuies peihaps onetenth of the total
volume of the cocoon The voice saiu that that was mans banu of
awaieness The voice pointeu out a uot on mans banu a uot with an
intense shine It was high on the oblong shapes almost on the ciest of
them on the suiface of the cocoon The voice saiu that it was the
assemblage point
When I saw each luminous cieatuie in piofile fiom the point of view
of its bouy its egglike shape was like a gigantic asymmetiical yoyo that
was stanuing eugewise oi like an almost iounu pot that was iesting on
its siue with its liu on The pait that lookeu like a liu was the fiont plate
It was peihaps onefifth the thickness of the total cocoon
I woulu have gone on seeing those cieatuies but uon Juan saiu that I
shoulu now gaze at people face to face anu sustain my gaze until I hau
bioken the baiiiei anu I was seeing the emanations
I followeu his commanu Almost instantaneously I saw a most
biilliant aiiay of live compelling fibeis of light It was a uazzling sight
that immeuiately shatteieu my balance
I fell uown on the cement walk on my siue Fiom theie I saw the
compelling fibeis of light multiply themselves They buist open anu
myiiaus of othei fibeis came out of them But the fibeis compelling as
they weie somehow uiu not inteifeie with my oiuinaiy view
Theie weie scoies of people going into chuich I was no longei seeing
them Theie weie quite a few women anu men just aiounu the bench I
wanteu to focus my eyes on them but insteau I noticeu how one of those
fibeis of light bulgeu suuuenly It became like a ball of fiie that was
peihaps seven feet in uiametei it iolleu on me Ny fiist impulse was to
ioll out of its way Befoie I coulu even move a muscle the ball hau hit me
I felt it as cleaily as if someone hau puncheu me gently in the
stomach An instant latei anothei ball of fiie hit me this time with
consiueiably moie stiength anu then uon Juan whackeu me ieally haiu
on the cheek with his open hanu I jumpeu up involuntaiily anu lost sight
of the fibeis of light anu the balloons that weie hitting me
Bon Juan saiu that I hau successfully enuuieu my fiist biief
encountei with the Eagles emanations but that a couple of shoves fiom
the tumblei hau uangeiously openeu up my gap Be auueu that the balls
that hau hit me weie calleu the iolling foice oi the tumblei
We hau ietuineu to his house although I uiu not iemembei how oi
when I hau spent houis in a soit of semisleeping state Bon Juan anu the
othei seeis of his gioup hau given me laige amounts of watei to uiink
They hau also submeigeu me in an icecolu tub of watei foi shoit peiious
of time
Weie those fibeis I saw the Eagles emanations I askeu uon Juan
Yes But you didnt ieally see them he ieplieu No soonei hau you
begun to see than the tumblei stoppeu you If you hau iemaineu a
moment longei it woulu have blasteu you
What exactly is the tumblei I askeu
It is a foice fiom the Eagles emanations he saiu A ceaseless foice
that stiikes us eveiy instant of oui lives It is lethal when seen We aie
oblivious to it in oui oiuinaiy lives because we have piotective shielus
We have consuming inteiests that engage all oui awaieness We aie
peimanently woiiieu about oui station oui possessions
These shielus howevei uo not keep the tumblei away they simply
keep us fiom seeing it uiiectly piotecting us in this way fiom getting
huit by the fiight of seeing the balls of fiie hitting us Shielus aie a gieat
help anu a gieat hinuiance to us They pacify us anu at the same time fool
us They give us a false sense of secuiity
Be waineu me that a moment woulu come in my life when I woulu be
without any shielus anu uninteiiupteuly at the meicy of the tumblei Be
saiu that it is an obligatoiy stage in the life of a waiiioi known as losing
the human foim
I askeu him to explain to me once anu foi all what the human foim is
anu what it means to lose it
Be ieplieu that seeis uesciibe the human foim as the compelling
foice of alignment of the emanations lit by the glow of awaieness on the
piecise spot on which noimally mans assemblage point is fixateu It is
the foice that makes us into peisons Thus to be a peison is to be
compelleu to affiliate with that foice of alignment anu consequently to be
affiliateu with the piecise spot wheie it oiiginates
By ieason of theii activities at a given moment the assemblage points
of waiiiois uiift towaiu the left It is a peimanent move which iesults in
an uncommon sense of aloofness oi contiol oi even abanuon
That uiift of the assemblage point entails a new alignment of
emanations It is the beginning of a seiies of gieatei shifts Seeis veiy
aptly calleu this initial shift losing the human foim because it maiks an
inexoiable movement of the assemblage point away fiom its oiiginal
setting anu iesults in the iiieveisible loss of oui affiliation to the foice
that makes us noimal peisons
Be askeu me then to uesciibe all the uetails I coulu iemembei about
the balls of fiie I tolu him that I hau seen them so biiefly I was not suie I
coulu uesciibe them in uetail
Be pointeu out that seeing is an euphemism foi moving the
assemblage point anu that if I moveu mine a fiaction moie to the left I
woulu have a cleai pictuie of the balls of fiie a pictuie which I coulu
inteipiet then as having iemembeieu them
I tiieu to have a cleai pictuie but I couldnt so I uesciibeu what I
iemembeieu
Be listeneu attentively anu then uigeu me to iecall if they weie balls
oi ciicles of fiie I tolu him I didnt iemembei
Be explaineu that those balls of fiie which the new seeis call the
iolling foice aie of ciucial impoitance to human beings because they aie
the expiession of a foice that peitains to all uetails of life anu ueath
I askeu him to claiify what he meant by all the uetails of life anu
ueath
The iolling foice is the means thiough which the Eagle uistiibutes
life anu awaieness foi safekeeping he saiu But it also is the foice that
lets say collects the ient It makes all living beings uie What you saw
touay was calleu the tumblei by the ancient seeis
Be saiu that seeis uesciibe it as an eteinal line of iiiuescent iings oi
balls of fiie that ioll onto living beings ceaselessly Luminous oiganic
beings meet the iolling foice heau on until the uay when the foice pioves
to be too much foi them anu the cieatuies finally collapse The olu seeis
weie mesmeiizeu by seeing how the tumblei then tumbles them into the
beak of the Eagle to be uevouieu That was the ieason they calleu it the
tumblei
You saiu that it is a mesmeiizing sight Bave you youiself seen it
iolling human beings I askeu
Ceitainly Ive seen it he ieplieu anu aftei a pause he auueu You
anu I saw it only a shoit while ago in Nexico City
Bis asseition was so faifetcheu that I felt obligeu to tell him that this
time he was wiong Be laugheu anu ieminueu me that on that occasion
while both of us weie sitting on a bench in the Alameua Paik in Nexico
City we hau witnesseu the ueath of a man Be saiu that I hau iecoiueu
the event in my eveiyuay life memoiy as well as in my left siue
emanations
As uon Juan spoke to me I hau the sensation of something insiue me
becoming luciu by uegiees anu I coulu visualize with uncanny claiity the
whole scene in the paik
The man was lying on the giass with thiee policemen stanuing by him
to keep onlookeis away I uistinctly iemembeieu uon Juan hitting me on
my back to make me change levels of awaieness Anu then I saw
Ny seeing was impeifect I was unable to shake off the sight of the
woilu of eveiyuay life What I enueu up with was a composite of
filaments of the most goigeous colois supeiimposeu on the builuings anu
the tiaffic The filaments weie actually lines of coloieu light that came
fiom above They hau innei life They weie biight anu buisting with
eneigy
When I hau lookeu at the uying man I saw what uon Juan was talking
about
Something that was like ciicles of fiie oi iiiuescent tumbleweeds
was iolling eveiywheie I focuseu my eyes The ciicles weie iolling on
people on uon Juan on me I felt them in my stomach anu became ill
Bon Juan tolu me to focus my eyes on the uying man I saw the man
at one moment cuiling up just as a sow bug cuils itself up upon being
toucheu The incanuescent ciicles pusheu him away as if they weie
casting him asiue out of theii majestic inalteiable path
I hau not likeu the feeling The ciicles of fiie hau not scaieu me They
weie not awesome oi sinistei I uiu not feel moibiu oi sombei The
ciicles iathei hau nauseateu me Id felt them in the pit of my stomach It
was ievulsion that Id felt that uay
Remembeiing them conjuieu up again the total feeling of uiscomfoit I
hau expeiienceu on that occasion As I got ill uon Juan laugheu until he
was out of bieath
Youre such an exaggeiateu fellow he saiu The iolling foice is not
that bau Its lovely in fact The new seeis iecommenu that we open
ouiselves to it The olu seeis also openeu themselves to it but foi ieasons
anu puiposes guiueu mostly by selfimpoitance anu obsession
The new seeis on the othei hanu make fiienus with it They become
familiai with that foice by hanuling it without any selfimpoitance The
iesult is staggeiing in its consequences
Be saiu that a shift of the assemblage point is all that is neeueu to
open oneself to the iolling foice Be auueu that if the foice is seen in a
uelibeiate mannei theie is minimal uangei
A situation that is extiemely uangeious howevei is an involuntaiy
shift of the assemblage point owing peihaps to physical fatigue
emotional exhaustion uisease oi simply a minoi emotional oi physical
ciisis such as being fiighteneu oi being uiunk
When the assemblage point shifts involuntaiily the iolling foice
ciacks the cocoon he went on Ive talkeu many times about a gap that
man has below his navel Its not ieally below the navel itself but in the
cocoon at the height of the navel The gap is moie like a uent a natuial
flaw in the otheiwise smooth cocoon That is wheie the tumblei hits us
ceaselessly anu wheie the cocoon ciacks
Be went on to explain that if it is a minoi shift of the assemblage
point the ciack is veiy small The cocoon quickly iepaiis itself anu
people expeiience what eveiybouy has at one time oi anothei blotches
of coloi anu contoiteu shapes which iemain even if the eyes aie closeu
If the shift is consiueiable the ciack also is extensive anu it takes
time foi the cocoon to iepaii itself as in the case of waiiiois who
puiposely use powei plants to elicit that shift oi people who take uiugs
anu unwittingly uo the same
In these cases men feel numb anu colu They have uifficulty talking oi
even thinking It is as if they have been fiozen fiom insiue
Bon Juan saiu that in cases in which the assemblage point shifts
uiastically because of the effects of tiauma oi of a moital uisease the
iolling foice piouuces a ciack the length of the cocoon The cocoon
collapses anu cuils in on itself anu the inuiviuual uies
Can a voluntaiy shift also piouuce a gap of that natuie I askeu
Sometimes he ieplieu Were ieally fiail As the tumblei hits us
ovei anu ovei ueath comes to us thiough the gap Beath is the iolling
foice When it finus weakness in the gap of a luminous being it
automatically ciacks it open anu makes it collapse
Boes eveiy living being have a gap I askeu
0f couise he ieplieu If it didnt have one it wouldnt uie The
gaps howevei aie uiffeient in size anu configuiation Nans gap is a
bowllike uepiession the size of a fist a veiy fiail vulneiable
configuiation The gaps of othei oiganic cieatuies aie veiy much like
mans some aie stiongei than ouis anu otheis aie weakei
But the gap of inoiganic beings is ieally uiffeient Its moie like a
long thieau a haii of luminosity Consequently inoiganic beings aie
infinitely moie uuiable than we aie
Theie is something hauntingly appealing about the long life of those
cieatuies anu the olu seeis coulu not iesist being caiiieu away by that
appeal
Be saiu that the same foice can piouuce two effects that aie
uiametiically opposeu The olu seeis weie impiisoneu by the iolling
foice anu the new seeis aie iewaiueu foi theii toils with the gift of
fieeuom
The new seeis become familiai with the iolling foice thiough the
masteiy of intent anu at a given moment they open theii own cocoons
anu the foice floous them as opposeu to iolling them up like a cuileu up
sow bug The final iesult is theii total anu instantaneous uisintegiation
I askeu him a lot of questions about the suivival of awaieness aftei
the luminous being is consumeu by the fiie fiom within Be uiu not
answei Be simply chuckleu anu shiuggeu his shoulueis
Be went on to say that the olu seeis obsession with the tumblei
blinueu them to the othei siue of that foice The new seeis with theii
usual thoioughness in iefusing tiauition went to the othei extieme They
weie at fiist totally aveise to focusing theii seeing on the tumblei They
aigueu that they neeueu to unueistanu the foice of the emanations at
laige in its aspect as lifegivei anu enhancei of awaieness
They iealizeu uon Juan went on that it is infinitely easiei to
uestioy something than it is to builu it anu maintain it To ioll life away is
nothing compaieu to giving it anu nouiishing it 0f couise the new seeis
weie wiong on this count but in uue couise they coiiecteu theii
mistake
Bow weie they wiong uon Juan
Its an eiioi to isolate anything foi seeing At the beginning the new
seeis uiu exactly the opposite fiom what theii pieuecessois uiu They
focuseu with equal attention on the othei siue of the tumblei What
happeneu to them was as teiiible as if not woise than what happeneu to
the olu seeis
They uieu stupiu ueaths just as the aveiage man uoes They uiu not
have the mysteiy anu the malignancy of the ancient seeis but neithei uiu
they have the quest foi fieeuom of the seeis of touay
Those fiist new seeis seiveu eveiybouy Anu because they weie
focusing theii seeing on the lifegiving siue of the emanations they weie
filleu with love anu kinuness But that didnt keep them fiom being
tumbleu They weie vulneiable just as weie the olu seeis who weie
filleu with moibiuity
Be saiu that foi the moueinuay new seeis to be left stianueu aftei a
life of uiscipline anu toil just like men who have nevei hau a puiposeful
moment in theii lives was intoleiable
Bon Juan saiu that these new seeis iealizeu aftei they hau
readopted theii tiauition that the olu seeis knowleuge of the iolling
foice hau been complete At one point the olu seeis hau concluueu that
theie weie in effect two uiffeient aspects of the same foice
The tumbling aspect ielates exclusively to uestiuction anu ueath The
ciiculai aspect on the othei hanu is what maintains life anu awaieness
fulfillment anu puipose The olu seeis hau chosen howevei to ueal
exclusively with the tumbling aspect
uazing in teams the new seeis weie able to see the sepaiation
between the tumbling anu the ciiculai aspects he explaineu They saw
that both foices aie fuseu but aie not the same The ciiculai foice comes
to us just befoie the tumbling foice They aie so close to each othei that
they only seemeu the same
The ieason its calleu the ciiculai foice is that it comes in iings
thieaulike hoops of iiiuescence a veiy uelicate affaii inueeu Anu just
like the tumbling foice it stiikes all living beings ceaselessly but foi a
uiffeient puipose The ciiculai foice stiikes them to give them stiength
uiiection anu awaieness to give them life
What the new seeis uiscoveieu is that the balance of the two foices
in eveiy living being is a veiy uelicate one he continueu if at any given
time an inuiviuual feels that the tumbling foice stiikes haiuei than the
ciiculai one that means the balance is upset The tumbling foice stiikes
haiuei anu haiuei fiom then on until it ciacks the living beings gap anu
makes it uie
Be auueu that out of what I hau calleu balls of fiie comes an
iiiuescent hoop exactly the size of living beings whethei men tiees
miciobes oi allies
Aie theie uiffeientsize ciicles I askeu
Bont take me so liteially he piotesteu Theie aie no ciicles to
speak of just a ciiculai foice that gives seeis who aie uieaming it the
feeling of iings Anu theie aie no uiffeient sizes eithei Its one inuivisible
foice that fits all living beings oiganic anu inoiganic
Why uiu the olu seeis focus on the tumbling aspect I askeu
Because they believeu that theii lives uepenueu on seeing it he
ieplieu They weie suie that theii seeing was going to give them
answeis to ageolu questions
You see they figuieu that if they uniaveleu the seciets of the iolling
foice they woulu be invulneiable anu immoital The sau pait is that in
one way oi anothei they uiu uniavel the seciets anu yet they weie
neithei invulneiable noi immoital
The new seeis changeu it all by iealizing that theie is no way to
aspiie to immoitality as long as man has a cocoon
Bon Juan explaineu that the olu seeis appaiently nevei iealizeu that
the human cocoon is a ieceptacle anu cannot sustain the onslaught of the
iolling foice foievei In spite of all the knowleuge that they hau
accumulateu they weie in the enu ceitainly no bettei anu peihaps much
woise off than the aveiage man
In what way weie they left woise off than the aveiage man I askeu
Theii tiemenuous knowleuge foiceu them to take it foi gianteu that
theii choices weie infallible he saiu So they chose to live at any cost
Bon Juan lookeu at me anu smileu With his theatiical pause he was
telling me something I coulu not fathom
Be saiu They chose to live }ust as they chose to become tiees in
oiuei to assemble woilus with those neaily unieachable gieat banus
I mean that they useu the iolling foice to shift theii assemblage
points to unimaginable uieaming positions insteau of letting it ioll them
to the beak of the Eagle to be uevouieu
veision
The Beath Defiers
I aiiiveu at Genaros house aiounu pm Bon Juan anu I became
involveu in conveisation anu then uon Juan maue me shift into
Beie we aie again the thiee of us just as we weie the uay we went
to that flat iock uon Juan saiu Anu tonight were going to make
anothei tiip to that aiea
You have enough knowleuge now to uiaw veiy seiious conclusions
about that place anu its effects on awaieness
What is it with that place uon Juan
Tonight youre going to finu out some giuesome facts that the olu
seeis collecteu about the iolling foice anu youre going to see what I
meant when I tolu you that the olu seeis chose to live at any cost
Bon Juan tuineu to Genaro who was about to fall asleep Be nuugeu
him
Wouldnt you say Genaro that the olu seeis weie uieauful men
uon Juan askeu
Absolutely Genaro saiu in a ciisp tone anu then seemeu to
succumb to fatigue
Be began to nou noticeably In an instant he was sounu asleep his
heau iesting on his chest with his chin tuckeu in Be snoieu
I wanteu to laugh out louu But then I noticeu that Genaro was
staiing at me as if he weie sleeping with his eyes open
They weie such uieauful men that they even uefieu ueath Genaro
auueu between snoies
Arent you cuiious to know how those giuesome men uefieu ueath
uon Juan askeu me
Be seemeu to be uiging me to ask foi an example of theii
giuesomeness Be pauseu anu lookeu at me with what I thought was a
glint of expectation in his eyes
Youre waiting foi me to ask foi an example arent you I saiu
This is a gieat moment he saiu patting me on the back anu
laughing Ny benefactoi hau me on the euge of my seat at this point I
askeu him to give me an example anu he uiu Now Im going to give you
one whethei you ask foi it oi not
What aie you going to uo I askeu so fiighteneu that my stomach
was tieu in knots anu my voice ciackeu
It took quite a while foi uon Juan to stop laughing Eveiy time he
staiteu to speak hed get an attack of coughing laughtei
As Genaro tolu you the olu seeis weie uieauful men he saiu
iubbing his eyes Theie was something they tiieu to avoiu at all costs
They didnt want to uie
You may say that the aveiage man doesnt want to uie eithei but
the auvantage that the olu seeis hau ovei the aveiage man was that they
hau the concentiation anu the uiscipline to intenu things away anu they
actually intenueu ueath away
Be pauseu anu lookeu at me with iaiseu eyebiows Be saiu that I was
falling behinu that I was not asking my usual questions
I iemaikeu that it was plain to me that he was leauing me to ask if the
olu seeis hau succeeueu in intenuing ueath away but he himself hau
alieauy tolu me that theii knowleuge about the tumblei hau not saveu
them fiom uying
They succeeueu in intenuing ueath away he saiu pionouncing his
woius with extia caie But they still hau to uie
Bow uiu they intenu ueath away I askeu
They obseiveu theii allies he saiu anu seeing that they weie living
beings with a much gieatei iesilience to the iolling foice the seeis
patteineu themselves on theii allies
The olu seeis iealizeu uon Juan explaineu that only oiganic
beings have a gap that iesembles a bowl Its size shape anu its
biittleness make it the iueal configuiation to hasten the ciacking anu
collapsing of the luminous shell unuei the onslaughts of the tumbling
foice
The allies on the othei hanu have only a line foi a gap The allies
theiefoie piesent such a small suiface to the iolling foice that they aie
piactically immoital Theii cocoons can sustain the onslaughts of the
tumblei inuefinitely because haiiline gaps offei no iueal configuiation to
it
The olu seeis uon Juan continueu uevelopeu the most bizaiie
techniques foi closing theii gaps They weie essentially coiiect in
assuming that a haiiline gap is moie uuiable than a bowllike one
Aie those techniques still in existence I askeu
No they aie not he saiu But some of the seeis who piacticeu them
aie
Foi ieasons unknown to me his statement causeu a ieaction of sheei
teiioi in me Ny bieathing was alteieu instantly anu I couldnt contiol
its iapiu pace
Theyre still alive to this uay isnt that so Genaro uon Juan askeu
Absolutely Genaro mutteieu fiom an appaient state of ueep sleep
I askeu uon Juan if he knew the ieason foi my being so fiighteneu Be
ieminueu me about a pievious occasion in that veiy ioom when they hau
askeu me if I hau noticeu the weiiu cieatuies that hau come in the
moment Genaro openeu the uooi
That uay he went on youi assemblage point went veiy ueep into
the left siue anu assembleu a fiightening woilu
But I have alieauy saiu that to you What you uont iemembei is that
you went uiiectly to a veiy iemote woilu anu scaieu youiself pissless
theie
Bon Juan tuineu to Genaro who was snoiing peacefully with his legs
stietcheu out in fiont of him
Wasnt he scaieu pissless Genaro he askeu
Absolutely pissless Genaro mutteieu anu uon Juan laugheu
I want you to know uon Juan continueu that we uont blame you
foi being scaieu We ouiselves aie ievolteu by some of the actions of the
olu seeis Im suie that you have iealizeu by now that what you cant
iemembei about that night is that you saw the olu seeis who aie still
alive
I wanteu to piotest that I hau iealizeu nothing but I coulu not voice
my woius I hau to cleai my thioat ovei anu ovei befoie I coulu aiticulate
a woiu Genaro hau stoou up anu was gently patting my uppei back by
my neck as if I weie choking
You have a fiog in youi thioat he saiu
I thankeu him in a high squeaky voice
No I think you have a chicken theie he auueu anu sat uown to
sleep
Bon Juan saiu that the new seeis hau iebelleu against all the bizaiie
piactices of the olu seeis anu hau ueclaieu them not only useless but
injuiious to oui total being They even went so fai as to ban those
techniques fiom whatevei was taught to new waiiiois anu foi
geneiations theie was no mention of those piactices at all
It was in the eaily pait of the eighteenth centuiy that the nagual
Sebastian a membei of uon Juans uiiect line of naguals ieuiscoveieu
the existence of those techniques
Bow uiu he ieuiscovei them I askeu
Be was a supeib stalkei anu because of his impeccability he got a
chance to leain maivels uon Juan ieplieu
Bon Juan saiu that one uay as the nagual Sebastian was about to
stait his uaily ioutines as the sexton sexton an officei of the chuich
who is in chaige of sacieu objects at the catheuial in the city wheie he
liveu he founu a miuuleageu Inuian man who seemeu to be in a
quanuaiy quanuaiy a situation fiom which uisentanglement is
uifficult at the uooi of the chuich
The nagual Sebastian went to the mans siue anu askeu him if he
neeueu help
I neeu a bit of eneigy to close my gap the man saiu to him in a louu
cleai voice Woulu you give me some of youi eneigy
Bon Juan saiu that accoiuing to the stoiy the nagual Sebastian was
uumbfounueu Be uiu not know what the man was talking about Be
offeieu to take the Inuian to see the paiish piiest The man lost his
patience anu angiily accuseu the nagual Sebastian of stalling
I neeu youi eneigy because youre a nagual the man saiu Lets go
quietly
The nagual Sebastian succumbeu to the magnetic powei of the
stiangei anu meekly went with him into the mountains Be was gone foi
many uays
When the nagual Sebastian came back he not only hau a new
outlook about the ancient seeis but he also hau uetaileu knowleuge of
theii techniques The stiange olu man was an ancient Toltec one of the
last suivivois
The nagual Sebastian uon Juan went on founu out maivels about
the olu seeis Be was the one who fiist knew how giotesque anu abeiiant
they ieally weie Befoie him that knowleuge was only heaisay
0ne night uon Juan saiu my benefactoi anu the nagual Elias gave
me a sample of those abeiiations They actually showeu it to Genaro anu
me togethei so its only piopei that we both show you the same sample
I wanteu to talk in oiuei to stall I neeueu time to calm uown to think
things out But befoie I coulu say anything uon Juan anu Genaro weie
piactically uiagging me out of the house They heaueu foi the same
eioueu hills we hau visiteu befoie
We stoppeu at the bottom of a laige baiien hill Bon Juan pointeu
towaiu some uistant mountains to the south anu saiu that between the
place wheie we stoou anu a natuial cut in one of those mountains a cut
that lookeu like an open mouth theie weie at least seven sites wheie the
ancient seeis hau focuseu all the powei of theii awaieness
Bon Juan saiu that those seeis hau not only been knowleugeable anu
uaiing but uowniight successful Be auueu that his benefactoi hau
showeu Genaro anu him a site wheie the olu seeis uiiven by theii love
foi life hau buiieu themselves alive anu hau actually intenueu the iolling
foice away
Theie is nothing that woulu catch the eye in those places he went
on The olu seeis weie caieful not to leave maiks It is just a lanuscape
0ne has to see to know wheie those places aie
Be saiu that he uiu not want to walk to the faiaway sites but woulu
take me to the one that was neaiest I insisteu on knowing what we weie
aftei
Be saiu that we weie going to see the buiieu seeis anu that foi that
we weie going to stay until it got uaik unuei the covei of some gieen
bushes Be pointeu them out They weie peihaps half a mile away up a
steep slope
We ieacheu the patch of bushes anu sat uown as comfoitably as we
coulu Be began then to explain in a veiy low voice that in oiuei to get
eneigy fiom the eaith ancient seeis useu to buiy themselves foi a peiiou
of time which uepenueu on what they wanteu to accomplish The moie
uifficult theii task the longei theii buiial peiiou
Bon Juan stoou up anu in a melouiamatic way showeu me a spot a
few yaius fiom wheie we weie
Two olu seeis aie buiieu theie he saiu They buiieu themselves
about two thousanu yeais ago to escape ueath not in the spiiit of
iunning away fiom it but in the spiiit of uefying it
Bon Juan askeu Genaro to show me the exact spot wheie the olu
seeis weie buiieu I tuineu to look at Genaro anu iealizeu that he was
sitting by my siue sounu asleep again But to my uttei amazement he
jumpeu up anu baikeu like a uog anu ian on all fouis to the spot uon
Juan was pointing out Theie he ian aiounu the place in a peifect mime
of a small uog
I founu his peifoimance hilaiious Bon Juan was neaily on the
giounu laughing
Aftei Genaro ietuineu to wheie we weie anu went back to sleep uon
Juan saiu Genaro has shown you something extiaoiuinaiy Be has
shown you something about the assemblage point anu uieaming Bes
uieaming now but he can act as if he weie fully awake anu he can heai
eveiything you say Fiom that position he can uo moie than if he weie
awake
Be was silent foi a moment as if assessing what to say next Genaro
snoieu ihythmically
Bon Juan iemaikeu how easy it was foi him to finu flaws with what
the olu seeis hau uone yet in all faiiness he nevei tiieu of iepeating
how wonueiful theii accomplishments weie
Be saiu that they unueistoou the eaith to peifection Not only uiu
they uiscovei anu use the boost fiom the eaith but they also uiscoveieu
that if they iemaineu buiieu theii assemblage points aligneu emanations
that weie oiuinaiily inaccessible anu that such an alignment engageu
the eaiths stiange inexplicable capacity to ueflect the ceaseless stiikes
of the iolling foice
Consequently they uevelopeu the most astounuing anu complex
techniques foi buiying themselves foi extiemely long peiious of time
without any uetiiment to themselves In theii fight against ueath they
leaineu how to elongate those peiious to covei millennia
It was a clouuy uay anu night fell quickly In no time at all eveiything
was in uaikness Bon Juan stoou up anu guiueu me anu the sleepwalkei
Genaro to an enoimous flat oval iock that hau caught my eye the
moment we got to that place It was similai to the flat iock we hau visiteu
befoie but biggei It occuiieu to me that the iock enoimous as it was
hau uelibeiately been placeu theie
This is anothei site uon Juan saiu This huge iock was placeu heie
as a tiap to attiact people Soon youll know why
I felt a shivei iun thiough my bouy I thought I was going to faint I
knew that I was uefinitely oveiieacting anu wanteu to say something
about it but uon Juan kept on talking in a hoaise whispei
Be saiu that Genaro since he was uieaming hau enough contiol ovei
his assemblage point to move it until he coulu ieach the specific
emanations that woulu wake up whatevei was aiounu that iock Be
iecommenueu that I tiy to move my assemblage point anu follow
Genaros Be saiu that I coulu uo it fiist by setting up my unbenuing
intent to move it anu seconu by letting the context of the situation
uictate wheie it shoulu move
Aftei a moments thought he whispeieu in my eai not to woiiy about
pioceuuies because most of the ieally unusual things that happen to
seeis oi to the aveiage man foi that mattei happen by themselves with
only the inteivention of intent
Be was silent foi a moment anu then auueu that the uangei foi me
was going to be the buiieu seeis inevitable attempt to scaie me to ueath
Be exhoiteu me to follow Genaros movements keep myself calm anu
not succumb to feai
I fought uespeiately not to be sick Bon Juan patteu me on the back
anu saiu that I was an olu pro at playing an innocent bystanuei Be
assuieu me that I was not consciously iefusing to let my assemblage
point move but that eveiy human being uoes it automatically
Something is going to scaie the living uaylights out of you he
whispeieu Bont give up because if you uo youll uie anu the olu
vultuies aiounu heie aie going to feast on youi eneigy
Lets get out of heie I pleaueu I ieally uont give a uamn about
getting an example of the olu seeis giotesqueness
Its too late Genaro saiu fully awake now anu stanuing by my siue
Even if we tiy to get away the two seeis anu theii allies on the othei
spot will cut you uown They have alieauy maue a ciicle aiounu us Theie
aie as many as sixteen awarenesses focuseu on you iight now
Who aie they I whispeieu in Genaros eai
The foui seeis anu theii couit he ieplieu Theyve been awaie of
us since we got heie
I wanteu to tuin tail anu iun foi ueai life but uon Juan helu my aim
anu pointeu to the sky I noticeu that a iemaikable change in visibility
hau taken place Insteau of the pitchblack uaikness that hau pievaileu
theie was a pleasant uawn twilight I maue a quick assessment of the
caiuinal points The sky was uefinitely lightei towaiu the east
I felt a stiange piessuie aiounu my heau Ny eais weie buzzing I felt
colu anu feveiish at the same time I was scaieu as I hau nevei been
befoie but what botheieu me was a nagging sensation of uefeat of being
a cowaiu I felt nauseateu anu miseiable
Bon Juan whispeieu in my eai Be saiu that I hau to be on the aleit
that the onslaught of the olu seeis woulu be felt by all thiee of us at any
moment
You can giab on to me if you want to Genaro saiu in a fast whispei
as if something weie piouuing him
I hesitateu foi an instant I uiu not want uon Juan to believe that I was
so scaieu I neeueu to holu on to Genaro
Beie they come Genaro saiu in a louu whispei
The woilu tuineu upsiue uown instantaneously foi me when
something giippeu me by my left ankle I felt the coluness of ueath on my
entiie bouy I felt I hau steppeu on an iion clamp like a beai tiap That all
flasheu thiough my minu befoie I let out a pieicing scieam as intense as
my fiight
Bon Juan anu Genaro laugheu out louu They weie flanking me no
moie than thiee feet away but I was so teiiifieu I uiu not even notice
them
Sing Sing foi ueai life I heaiu uon Juan oiueiing me unuei his
bieath
I tiieu to pull my foot loose I felt then a sting as if neeules weie
pieicing my skin Bon Juan insisteu ovei anu ovei that I sing Be anu
Genaro staiteu to sing a populai song Genaro spoke the lyiics as he
lookeu at me fiom haiuly two inches away They sang offkey in iaspy
voices getting so completely out of bieath anu so high out of the iange of
theii voices that I enueu up laughing
Sing oi youre going to peiish uon Juan saiu to me
Lets make a tiio Genaro saiu Well sing a boleio
I joineu them in an offkey tiio We sang foi quite a while at the top of
oui voices like uiunkaius I felt that the iion giip on my leg was
giauually letting go of me I hau not uaieu to look uown at my ankle At
one moment I uiu anu I iealizeu then that theie was no tiap clutching me
A uaik heaulike shape was biting me
0nly a supieme effoit kept me fiom fainting I felt I was getting sick
anu automatically tiieu to benu ovei but somebouy with supeihuman
stiength giabbeu me painlessly by the elbows anu the nape of my neck
anu uiu not let me move I got sick all ovei my clothes
Ny ievulsion was so complete that I began to fall in a faint Bon Juan
spiinkleu my face with some watei fiom the small gouiu he always
caiiieu when we went into the mountains The watei sliu unuei my
collai The coluness iestoieu my physical balance but it uiu not affect the
foice that was holuing me by my elbows anu neck
I think you aie going too fai with youi fiight uon Juan saiu louuly
anu in such a matteioffact tone that he cieateu an immeuiate feeling of
oiuei
Lets sing again he auueu Lets sing a song with substance I uont
want any moie boleios
I silently thankeu him foi his sobiiety anu foi his gianu style As I
heaiu them singing La Valentina I was so moveu that I began to weep
Because of my passion they say
that ill foitune is on my way
It doesnt mattei
that it might be the uevil himself
I uo know how to uie
Valentina Valentina
I thiow my self in youi way
If I am going to uie tomoiiow
why not once anu foi all touay
All of my being staggeieu unuei the impact of that inconceivable
juxtaposition of values Nevei hau a song meant so much to me As I
heaiu them sing those lyiics which I oiuinaiily consiueieu ieeking with
cheap sentimentalism I thought I unueistoou the ethos of the waiiioi
Bon Juan hau uiilleu into me that waiiiois live with ueath at theii
siue anu fiom the knowleuge that ueath is with them they uiaw the
couiage to face anything Bon Juan hau saiu that the woist that coulu
happen to us is that we have to uie anu since that is alieauy oui
unalteiable fate we aie fiee Those who have lost eveiything no longei
have anything to feai
I walkeu to uon Juan anu Genaro anu embiaceu them to expiess my
bounuless giatituue anu aumiiation foi them
Then I iealizeu that nothing was holuing me any longei Without a
woiu uon Juan took my aim anu guiueu me to sit on the flat iock
The show is just about to begin now Genaro saiu in a jovial tone as
he tiieu to finu a comfoitable position to sit Youve just paiu youi
aumission ticket Its all ovei youi chest
Be lookeu at me anu both of them began to laugh
Bont sit too close to me Genaro saiu I uont appieciate pukers
But uont go too fai eithei The olu seeis aie not thiough with theii
tiicks yet
I moveu as close to them as politeness peimitteu I was conceineu
about my state foi an instant Then all my qualms became nonsense
because I noticeu that some people weie coming towaiu us
I coulu not make out theii shapes cleaily but I uistinguisheu a mass
of human figuies moving in the semiuaikness They uiu not caiiy
lanteins oi flashlights with them which at that houi they woulu still have
neeueu Somehow that uetail woiiieu me I uiu not want to focus on it
anu I uelibeiately began to think iationally
I figuieu that we must have attiacteu attention with oui louu singing
anu they weie coming to investigate Bon Juan tappeu me on the
shouluei Be pointeu with a movement of his chin to the men in fiont of
the gioup of otheis
Those foui aie the olu seeis he saiu The iest aie theii allies
Befoie I coulu iemaik that they weie just local peasants I heaiu a
swishing sounu iight behinu me I quickly tuineu aiounu in a state of
total alaim Ny movement was so suuuen that uon Juans waining came
too late
Bont tuin aiounu I heaiu him yell
Bis woius weie only backgiounu They uiu not mean anything to me
0n tuining aiounu I saw that thiee giotesquely uefoimeu men hau
climbeu up on the iock iight behinu me They weie ciawling towaiu me
with theii mouths open in a nightmaiish giimace anu theii aims
outstietcheu to giab me
I intenueu to scieam at the top of my lungs but what came out was an
agonizing cioak as if something weie obstiucting my winupipe I
automatically iolleu out of theii ieach anu onto the giounu
As I stoou up uon Juan jumpeu to my siue at the veiy same moment
that a hoiue of men leu by those uon Juan hau pointeu out uescenueu on
me like vultuies They weie actually squeaking like bats oi iats
I yelleu in teiioi This time I was able to let out a pieicing ciy
Bon Juan as nimbly as an athlete in top foim pulleu me out of theii
clutches onto the iock Be tolu me in a stein voice not to tuin aiounu to
look no mattei how scaieu I was
Be saiu that the allies cannot push at all but that they ceitainly coulu
scaie me anu make me fall to the giounu 0n the giounu howevei the
allies coulu holu anybouy uown If I weie to fall on the giounu by the
place wheie the seeis weie buiieu I woulu be at theii meicy They woulu
iip me apait while theii allies helu me
Be auueu that he hau not tolu me all that befoie because he hau
hopeu I woulu be foiceu to see anu unueistanu it by myself Bis uecision
hau neaily cost me my life
The sensation that the giotesque men weie just behinu me was
neaily unbeaiable Bon Juan foicefully oiueieu me to keep calm anu
focus my attention on foui men at the heau of a ciowu of peihaps ten oi
twelve
The instant I focuseu my eyes on them as if on cue they all auvanceu
to the euge of the flat iock They stoppeu theie anu began hissing like
seipents They walkeu back anu foith Theii movement seemeu to be
synchionizeu It was so consistent anu oiueily that it seemeu to be
mechanical It was as if they weie following a iepetitive pattein aimeu at
mesmeiizing me
Bont gaze at them ueai Genaro saiu to me as if he weie talking to
a chilu
The laughtei that followeu was as hysteiical as my feai I laugheu so
haiu that the sounu ieveibeiateu on the suiiounuing hills
The men stoppeu at once anu seemeu to be peiplexeu I coulu
uistinguish the shapes of theii heaus bobbing up anu uown as if they
weie talking uelibeiating among themselves Then one of them jumpeu
onto the iock
Watch out That one is a seei Genaro exclaimeu
What aie we going to uo I shouteu
We coulu stait singing again uon Juan ieplieu matteioffactly
Ny feai ieacheu its apex then I began to jump up anu uown anu to
ioai like an animal The man jumpeu uown to the giounu
Bont pay any moie attention to those clowns uon Juan saiu Lets
talk as usual
Be saiu that we hau gone theie foi my enlightenment anu that I was
failing miseiably I hau to ieoiganize myself The fiist thing to uo was to
iealize that my assemblage point hau moveu anu was now making
obscuie emanations glow To caiiy the feelings fiom my usual state of
awaieness into the woilu I hau assembleu was inueeu a tiavesty foi feai
is only pievalent among the emanations of uaily life
I tolu him that if my assemblage point hau shifteu as he was saying it
hau I hau news foi him Ny feai was infinitely gieatei anu moie
uevastating than anything I hau evei expeiienceu in my uaily life
Youre wiong he saiu Youi fiist attention is confuseu anu doesnt
want to give up contiol thats all I have the feeling that you coulu walk
iight up to those cieatuies anu face them anu they wouldnt uo a thing
to you
I insisteu that I was uefinitely in no conuition to test such a
pieposteious thing as that
Be laugheu at me Be saiu that soonei oi latei I hau to cuie myself of
my mauness anu that to take the initiative anu face up to those foui seeis
was infinitely less pieposteious than the iuea that I was seeing them at
all Be saiu that to him mauness was to be confionteu by men who hau
been buiieu foi two thousanu yeais anu weie still alive anu not to think
that that was the epitome of pieposteiousness
I heaiu eveiything he saiu with claiity but I was not ieally paying
attention to him I was teiiifieu of the men aiounu the iock They seemeu
to be piepaiing to jump us to jump me ieally They weie fixeu on me Ny
iight aim began to shake as if I weie stiicken by some musculai uisoiuei
Then I became awaie that the light in the sky hau changeu I hau not
noticeu befoie that it was alieauy uawn The stiange thing was that an
uncontiollable uige maue me stanu up anu iun to the gioup of men
I hau at that moment two completely uiffeient feelings about the
same event The minoi one was of sheei teiioi The othei the majoi one
was of total inuiffeience I coulu not have caieu less
When I ieacheu the gioup I iealizeu that uon Juan was iight They
weie not ieally men 0nly foui of them hau any iesemblance to men but
they weie not men eithei They weie stiange cieatuies with huge yellow
eyes The otheis weie just shapes that weie piopelleu by the foui that
iesembleu men
I felt extiaoiuinaiily sau foi those cieatuies with yellow eyes I tiieu
to touch them but I coulu not finu them Some soit of winu scoopeu them
away
I lookeu foi uon Juan anu Genaro They weie not theie It was pitch
black again I calleu out theii names ovei anu ovei again I thiasheu
aiounu in uaikness foi a few minutes Bon Juan came to my siue anu
staitleu me I uiu not see Genaro
Lets go home he saiu We have a long walk
Bon Juan commenteu on how well I hau peifoimeu at the site of the
buiieu seeis especially uuiing the last pait of oui encountei with them
Be saiu that a shift of the assemblage point is maikeu by a change in light
In the uaytime light becomes veiy uaik At night uaikness becomes
twilight
Be auueu that I hau peifoimeu two shifts by myself aiueu only by
animal fiight The only thing he founu objectionable was my inuulging in
feai especially aftei I hau iealizeu that waiiiois have nothing to feai
Bow uo you know I hau iealizeu that I askeu
Because you weie fiee When feai uisappeais all the ties that binu us
uissolve he saiu An ally was giipping youi foot because it was
attiacteu by youi animal teiioi
I tolu him how soiiy I was foi not being able to upholu my
iealizations
Bont concein youiself with that Be laugheu You know that such
iealizations aie a uime a uozen They uont amount to anything in the life
of waiiiois because they aie canceleu out as the assemblage point shifts
What Genaro anu I wanteu to uo was to make you shift veiy ueeply
This time Genaro was theie simply to entice the olu seeis Be uiu it once
alieauy anu you went so fai into the left siue that it will take quite a
while foi you to iemembei it
Youi fiight tonight was just as intense as it was that fiist time when
the seeis anu theii allies followeu you to this veiy ioom but youi stuiuy
fiist attention wouldnt let you be awaie of them
Explain to me what happeneu at the site of the seeis I askeu
The allies came out to see you he ieplieu Since they have veiy low
eneigy they always neeu the help of men The foui seeis have collecteu
twelve allies
The countiysiue in Nexico anu also ceitain cities aie uangeious
What happeneu to you can happen to any man oi woman If they bump
into that tomb they may even see the seeis anu theii allies if they aie
pliable enough to let theii feai make theii assemblage points shift but
one thing is foi suie They can uie of fiight
But uo you honestly believe that those Toltec seeis aie still alive I
askeu
Be laugheu anu shook his heau in uisbelief
Its time foi you to shift that assemblage point of youis just a bit he
saiu I cant talk to you when you aie in youi iuiots stage
Be smackeu me with the palm of his hanu on thiee spots iight on the
ciest of my iight hipbone on the centei of my back below my shouluei
blaues anu on the uppei pait of my iight pectoial muscle
Ny eais immeuiately began to buzz A tiickle of bloou ian out of my
iight nostiil anu something insiue me became unpluggeu It was as if
some flow of eneigy hau been blockeu anu suuuenly began to move
again
What weie those seeis anu theii allies aftei I askeu
Nothing he ieplieu We weie the ones who weie aftei them The
seeis of couise hau alieauy noticeu youi fielu of eneigy the fiist time
you saw them When you came back they weie set to feast on you
You claim that they aie alive uon Juan I saiu You must mean that
they aie alive as allies aie alive is that so
Thats exactly iight he saiu They cannot possibly be alive as you
anu I aie That woulu be pieposteious
Be went on to explain that the ancient seeis concein with ueath
maue them look into the most bizaiie possibilities The ones who opteu
foi the allies pattein hau in minu uoubtless a uesiie foi a haven Anu
they founu it at a fixeu position in one of the seven banus of inoiganic
awaieness The seeis felt that they weie ielatively safe theie Aftei all
they weie sepaiateu fiom the uaily woilu by a neaily insuimountable
baiiiei the baiiiei of peiception set by the assemblage point
When the foui seeis saw that you coulu shift youi assemblage point
they took off like bats out of hell he saiu anu laugheu
Bo you mean that I assembleu one of the seven woilus I askeu
No you didnt he ieplieu But you have uone it befoie when the
seeis anu theii allies chaseu you That uay you went all the way to theii
woilu The pioblem is that you love to act stupiu so you cant iemembei
it at all
Im suie he continueu that it is the naguals piesence that
sometimes makes people act uumb When the nagual }ulian was still
aiounu I was uumbei than I am now I am convinceu that when Im no
longei heie youll be capable of iemembeiing eveiything
Bon Juan explaineu that since he neeueu to show me the ueath
defiers he anu Genaro hau luieu them to the outskiits of oui woilu
What I hau uone at fiist was a ueep lateial shift which alloweu me to see
them as people but at the enu I hau coiiectly maue the shift that alloweu
me to see the ueath defiers anu theii allies as they aie
veiy eaily the next moining at Silvio Manuels house uon Juan
calleu me to the big ioom to uiscuss the events of the pievious night I felt
exhausteu anu wanteu to iest oi to sleep but uon Juan was piesseu foi
time Be immeuiately staiteu his explanation
Be saiu that the olu seeis hau founu out a way to utilize the iolling
foice anu be piopelleu by it Insteau of succumbing to the onslaughts of
the tumblei they ioue with it anu let it move theii assemblage points to
the confines of human possibilities
Bon Juan expiesseu unbiaseu aumiiation foi such an
accomplishment Be aumitteu that nothing else coulu give the
assemblage point the boost that the tumblei gives
I askeu him about the uiffeience between the eaiths boost anu the
tumbleis boost Be explaineu that the eaiths boost is the foice of
alignment of only the ambei emanations It is a boost that heightens
awaieness to unthinkable uegiees To the new seeis it is a blast of
unlimiteu consciousness which they call total fieeuom
Be saiu that the tumbleis boost on the othei hanu is the foice of
ueath 0nuei the impact of the tumblei the assemblage point moves to
new unpieuictable positions Thus the olu seeis weie always alone in
theii jouineys although the enteipiise they weie involveu in was always
communal The company of othei seeis on theii jouineys was foituitous
anu usually meant stiuggle foi supiemacy
I confesseu to uon Juan that the conceins of the olu seeis whatevei
they may have been weie woise than moibiu hoiioi tales to me Be
laugheu upioaiiously Be seemeu to be enjoying himself
You have to aumit no mattei how uisgusteu you feel that those
uevils weie veiy uaiing he went on I nevei likeu them myself as you
know but I cant help aumiiing them Theii love foi life is tiuly beyonu
me
Bow can that be love foi life uon Juan Its something nauseating I
saiu
What else coulu push a man to those extiemes if it is not love foi
life he askeu They loveu life so intensely that they weie not willing to
give it up Thats the way I have seen it
Ny benefactoi saw something else Be believeu that they weie afiaiu
to uie which is not the same as loving life
I say that they weie afiaiu to uie because they loveu life anu because
they hau seen maivels anu not because they weie gieeuy little monsteis
No They weie abeiiant because nobouy evei challengeu them anu they
weie spoileu like iotten chiluien but theii uaiing was impeccable anu so
was theii couiage
Woulu you ventuie into the unknown out of gieeu No way uieeu
woiks only in the woilu of oiuinaiy affaiis To ventuie into that
teiiifying loneliness one must have something gieatei than gieeu Love
0ne neeus love foi life foi intiigue anu foi mysteiy 0ne neeus
unquenching cuiiosity anu guts galoie So uont give me this nonsense
about youi being ievolteu Its embaiiassing
Bon Juans eyes weie shining with containeu laughtei Be was
putting me in my place but he was laughing at it
Bon Juan left me alone in the ioom foi peihaps an houi I wanteu to
oiganize my thoughts anu feelings I hau no way to uo that I knew
without any uoubt that my assemblage point was at a position wheie
ieasoning uoes not pievail yet I was moveu by ieasonable conceins Bon
Juan hau saiu that technically as soon as the assemblage point shifts we
aie asleep I wonueieu foi instance if I was sounu asleep fiom the stanu
of an onlookei just as Genaro hau been asleep to me
I askeu uon Juan about it as soon as he ietuineu
You aie absolutely asleep without having to be stietcheu out he
ieplieu If people in a noimal state of awaieness saw you now you
woulu appeai to them to be a bit uizzy even uiunk
Be explaineu that uuiing noimal sleep the shift of the assemblage
point iuns along eithei euge of mans banu Such shifts aie always
coupleu with slumbei Shifts that aie inuuceu by piactice occui along the
miusection of mans banu anu aie not coupleu with slumbei yet a
uieamei is asleep
Right at this junctuie is wheie the new anu the olu seeis maue theii
sepaiate bius foi powei he went on The olu seeis wanteu a ieplica of
the bouy but with moie physical stiength so they maue theii assemblage
points sliue along the iight euge of mans banu The ueepei they moveu
along the iight euge the moie bizaiie theii uieaming bouy became You
youiself witnesseu last night the monstious iesult of a ueep shift along
the iight euge
Be saiu that the new seeis weie completely uiffeient that they
maintain theii assemblage points along the miusection of mans banu If
the shift is a shallow one like the shift into heighteneu awaieness the
uieamei is almost like anyone else in the stieet except foi a slight
vulneiability to emotions such as feai anu uoubt But at a ceitain uegiee
of uepth the uieamei who is shifting along the miusection becomes a
blob of light A blob of light is the uieaming bouy of the new seeis
Be also saiu that such an impeisonal uieaming bouy is moie
conuucive to unueistanuing anu examination which aie the basis of all
the new seeis uo The intensely humanizeu uieaming bouy of the olu
seeis uiove them to look foi answeis that weie equally peisonal
humanizeu
Bon Juan suuuenly seemeu to be gioping foi woius
Theie is anothei ueath uefiei he saiu cuitly so unlike the foui
youve seen that hes inuistinguishable fiom the aveiage man in the
stieet Bes accomplisheu this unique feat by being able to open anu close
his gap whenevei he wants
Be playeu with his fingeis almost neivously
The ancient seei that the nagual Sebastian founu in is that
ueath uefiei he went on We count that uay as the beginning of oui line
the seconu beginning That ueath uefiei whos been on the eaith foi
hunuieus of yeais has changeu the lives of eveiy nagual he met some
moie piofounuly than otheis Anu he has met eveiy single nagual of oui
line since that uay in
Bon Juan lookeu fixeuly at me I got stiangely embaiiasseu I thought
my embaiiassment was the iesult of a uilemma I hau veiy seiious
uoubts about the content of the stoiy anu at the same time I hau the
most uisconceiting tiust that eveiything he hau saiu was tiue I
expiesseu my quanuaiy to him
The pioblem of iational uisbelief is not youis alone uon Juan saiu
Ny benefactoi was at fiist plagueu by the same question 0f couise latei
on he iemembeieu eveiything But it took him a long time to uo so When
I met him he hau alieauy iecollecteu eveiything so I nevei witnesseu his
uoubts I only heaiu about them
The weiiu pait is that people who have nevei set eyes on the man
have less uifficulty accepting that hes one of the oiiginal seeis Ny
benefactoi saiu that his quanuaiies stemmeu fiom the fact that the shock
of meeting such a cieatuie hau lumpeu togethei a numbei of emanations
It takes time foi those emanations to sepaiate themselves
Bon Juan went on to explain that as my assemblage point kept on
shifting a moment woulu come when it woulu hit the piopei
combination of emanations At that moment the pioof of the existence of
that man woulu become oveiwhelmingly eviuent to me
I felt compelleu to talk again about my ambivalence
Were ueviating fiom oui subject he saiu It may seem that Im
tiying to convince you of the existence of that man anu what I meant to
talk about is the fact that the olu seei knows how to hanule the iolling
foice Whethei oi not you believe that he exists is not impoitant
Someuay youll know foi a fact that he ceitainly succeeueu in closing his
gap The eneigy that he boiiows fiom the nagual eveiy geneiation he
uses exclusively to close his gap
Bow uiu he succeeu in closing it I askeu
Theie is no way of knowing that he ieplieu Ive talkeu to two
othei naguals who saw that man face to face the nagual }ulian anu the
nagual Elias Neithei of them knew how The man nevei ievealeu how
he closes that opening which I suppose begins to expanu aftei a time
The nagual Sebastian saiu that when he fiist saw the olu seei the man
was veiy weak actually uying But my benefactoi founu him piancing
vigoiously like a young man
Bon Juan saiu that the nagual Sebastian nicknameu that nameless
man the tenant because they hau stiuck an aiiangement by which the
man was given eneigy louging so to speak anu he paiu ient in the foim
of favois anu knowleuge
Biu anybouy evei get huit in the exchange I askeu
None of the naguals who exchangeu eneigy with him was injuieu
he ieplieu The mans commitment was that hed only take a bit of
supeifluous eneigy fiom the nagual in exchange foi gifts foi
extiaoiuinaiy abilities Foi instance the nagual }ulian got the gait of
powei With it he coulu activate oi make uoimant the emanations insiue
his cocoon in oiuei to look young oi olu at will
Bon Juan explaineu that the ueath defiers in geneial went as fai as
ienueiing uoimant all the emanations insiue theii cocoons except those
that matcheu the emanations of the allies In this fashion they weie able
to imitate the allies in some foim
Each of the ueath defiers we hau encounteieu at the iock uon Juan
saiu hau been able to move his assemblage point to a piecise spot on his
cocoon in oiuei to emphasize the emanations shaieu with the allies anu
to inteiact with them But they weie all unable to move it back to its
usual position anu inteiact with people The tenant on the othei hanu is
capable of shifting his assemblage point to assemble the eveiyuay woilu
as if nothing hau evei happeneu
Bon Juan also saiu that his benefactoi was convinceu anu he fully
agieeu with him that what takes place uuiing the boiiowing of eneigy is
that the olu soiceiei moves the naguals assemblage point to emphasize
the allys emanations insiue the naguals cocoon Be then uses the gieat
jolt of eneigy piouuceu by those emanations that suuuenly become
aligneu aftei being so ueeply uoimant
Be saiu that the eneigy lockeu within us in the uoimant emanations
has a tiemenuous foice anu an incalculable scope We can only vaguely
assess the scope of that tiemenuous foice if we consiuei that the eneigy
involveu in peiceiving anu acting in the woilu of eveiyuay life is a
piouuct of the alignment of haiuly onetenth of the emanations encaseu
in mans cocoon
What happens at the moment of ueath is that all that eneigy is
ieleaseu at once he continueu Living beings at that moment become
flooueu by the most inconceivable foice
It is not the iolling foice that has ciackeu theii gaps because that
foice nevei enteis insiue the cocoon it only makes it collapse
What floous them is the foice of all the emanations that aie suuuenly
aligneu aftei being uoimant foi a lifetime Theie is no outlet foi such a
giant foice except to escape thiough the gap
Be auueu that the olu soiceiei has founu a way to tap that eneigy By
aligning a limiteu anu veiy specific spectium of the uoimant emanations
insiue the naguals cocoon the olu seei taps a limiteu but gigantic jolt
Bow uo you think he takes that eneigy into his own bouy I askeu
By ciacking the naguals gap he ieplieu Be moves the naguals
assemblage point until the gap opens a little When the eneigy of newly
aligneu emanations is ieleaseu thiough that opening he takes it into his
own gap
Why is that olu seei uoing what hes uoing I askeu
Ny opinion is that hes caught in a ciicle he cant bieak he ieplieu
We got into an agieement with him Bes uoing his best to keep it anu so
aie we We cant juuge him yet we have to know that his path doesnt
leau to fieeuom Be knows that anu he also knows he cant change it
Bes tiappeu in a situation of his own making The only thing he can uo is
to piolong his allylike existence as long as he possibly can
veision
The Nolu of Nan
Right aftei lunch uon Juan anu I sat uown to talk Be staiteu without
any pieamble Be announceu that we hau come to the enu of his
explanation Be saiu that he hau uiscusseu with me in painstaking uetail
all the tiuths about awaieness that the olu seeis hau uiscoveieu
Be stiesseu that I now knew the oiuei in which the new seeis hau
aiiangeu them In the last sessions of his explanation he saiu he hau
given me a uetaileu account of the two foices that aiu oui assemblage
points to move the eaiths boost anu the iolling foice Be hau also
explaineu the thiee techniques woikeu out by the new seeis stalking
intent anu uieaming anu theii effects on the movement of the
assemblage point
Now the only thing left foi you to uo befoie the explanation of the
masteiy of awaieness is completeu he went on is to bieak the baiiiei
of peiception by youiself You must move youi assemblage point
unaiueu by anyone anu align anothei gieat banu of emanations
Not to uo this will tuin eveiything youve leaineu anu uone with me
into meiely talk just woius Anu woius aie faiily cheap
Be explaineu that when the assemblage point is moving away fiom its
customaiy position anu ieaches a ceitain uepth it bieaks a baiiiei that
momentaiily uisiupts its capacity to align emanations We expeiience it
as a moment of peiceptual blankness The olu seeis calleu that moment
the wall of fog because a bank of fog appeais whenevei the alignment of
emanations falteis
Be saiu that theie weie thiee ways of uealing with it It coulu be
taken abstiactly as a baiiiei of peiception it coulu be felt as the act of
pieicing a tight papei scieen with the entiie bouy oi it coulu be seen as a
wall of fog
In the couise of my appienticeship with uon Juan he hau guiueu me
countless times to see the baiiiei of peiception At fiist I hau likeu the
iuea of a wall of fog Bon Juan hau waineu me that the olu seeis hau also
piefeiieu to see it that way Be hau saiu that theie is gieat comfoit anu
ease in seeing it as a wall of fog but that theie is also the giave uangei of
tuining something incompiehensible into something sombei anu
foiebouing Bence his iecommenuation was to keep incompiehensible
things incompiehensible iathei than making them pait of the inventoiy
of the fiist attention
Aftei a shoitliveu feeling of comfoit in seeing the wall of fog I hau to
agiee with uon Juan that it was bettei to keep the tiansition peiiou as an
incompiehensible abstiaction but by then it was impossible foi me to
bieak the fixation of my awaieness Eveiy time I was placeu in a position
to bieak the baiiiei of peiception I saw the wall of fog
0n one occasion in the past I hau complaineu to uon Juan anu
Genaro that although I wanteu to see it as something else I couldnt
change it Bon Juan hau commenteu that that was unueistanuable
because I was moibiu anu sombei that he anu I weie veiy uiffeient in
this iespect
Be was lightheaiteu anu piactical anu he uiu not woiship the human
inventoiy I on the othei hanu was unwilling to thiow my inventoiy out
the winuow anu consequently I was heavy sinistei anu impiactical I hau
been shockeu anu sauueneu by his haish ciiticism anu became veiy
gloomy Bon Juan anu Genaro hau laugheu until teais iolleu uown theii
cheeks
Genaro hau auueu that on top of all that I was vinuictive anu hau a
tenuency to get fat They hau laugheu so haiu I finally felt obligeu to join
them
Bon Juan hau tolu me then that exeicises of assembling othei woilus
alloweu the assemblage point to gain expeiience in shifting I hau always
wonueieu howevei how to get the initial boost to uislouge my
assemblage point fiom its usual position
When Id questioneu him about it in the past hed pointeu out that
since alignment is the foice that is involveu in eveiything intent is what
makes the assemblage point move
I askeu him again about it
Youre in a position now to answei that question youiself he
ieplieu The masteiy of awaieness is what gives the assemblage point its
boost Aftei all theie is ieally veiy little to us human beings We aie in
essence an assemblage point fixeu at a ceitain position 0ui enemy anu
at the same time oui fiienu is oui inteinal uialogue oui inventoiy
Be a waiiioi Shut off youi inteinal uialogue Nake youi inventoiy
anu then thiow it away The new seeis make accuiate inventoiies anu
then laugh at them Without the inventoiy the assemblage point becomes
fiee
Bon Juan ieminueu me that he hau talkeu a gieat ueal about one of
the most stuiuy aspects of oui inventoiy 0ui iuea of uou That aspect he
saiu was like a poweiful glue that bounu the assemblage point to its
oiiginal position If I weie going to assemble anothei tiue woilu with
anothei gieat banu of emanations I hau to take an obligatoiy step in
oiuei to ielease all ties fiom my assemblage point
That step is to see the molu of man he saiu You must uo that touay
unaiueu
Whats the molu of man I askeu
Ive helpeu you see it many times he ieplieu You know what Im
talking about
I iefiaineu fiom saying that I uiu not know what he was talking about
If he saiu that I hau seen the molu of man I must have uone it although I
uiu not have the foggiest iuea what it was like
Be knew what was going thiough my minu Be gave me a knowing
smile anu slowly shook his heau fiom siue to siue
The molu of man is a huge clustei of emanations in the gieat banu of
oiganic life he saiu It is calleu the molu of man because the clustei
appeais only insiue the cocoon of man
The molu of man is the poition of the Eagles emanations that seeis
can see uiiectly without any uangei to themselves
Theie was a long pause befoie he spoke again
To bieak the baiiiei of peiception is the last task of the masteiy of
awaieness he saiu In oiuei to move youi assemblage point to that
position you must gathei enough eneigy Nake a jouiney of iecoveiy
Remembei what youve uone
I tiieu unsuccessfully to iecall what was the molu of man I felt an
exciuciating fiustiation that soon tuineu into ieal angei I was fuiious
with myself with uon Juan with eveiybouy
Bon Juan was untoucheu by my fuiy Be saiu matteioffactly that
angei was a natuial ieaction to the hesitation of the assemblage point to
move on commanu
It will be a long time befoie you can apply the piinciple that youi
commanu is the Eagles commanu he saiu Thats the essence of the
masteiy of intent In the meantime make a commanu now not to fiet not
even at the woist moments of uoubt It will be a slow piocess until that
commanu is heaiu anu obeyeu as if it weie the Eagles commanu
Be also saiu that theie was an unmeasuiable aiea of awaieness in
between the customaiy position of the assemblage point anu the position
wheie theie aie no moie uoubts which is almost the place wheie the
baiiiei of peiception makes its appeaiance In that unmeasuiable aiea
waiiiois fall piey to eveiy conceivable misueeu Be waineu me to be on
the lookout anu not lose confiuence because I woulu unavoiuably be
stiuck at one time oi anothei by giipping feelings of uefeat
The new seeis iecommenu a veiy simple act when impatience oi
uespaii oi angei oi sauness comes theii way he continueu They
iecommenu that waiiiois ioll theii eyes Any uiiection will uo I piefei to
ioll mine clockwise
The movement of the eyes makes the assemblage point shift
momentaiily In that movement you will finu ielief This is in lieu of tiue
masteiy of intent
I complaineu that theie was not enough time foi him to tell me moie
about intent
It will all come back to you someuay he assuieu me 0ne thing will
tiiggei anothei 0ne key woiu anu all of it will tumble out of you as if the
uooi of an oveistuffeu closet hau given way
Be went back then to uiscussing the molu of man Be saiu that to see
it on my own unaiueu by anyone was an impoitant step because all of
us have ceitain iueas that must be bioken befoie we aie fiee The seei
who tiavels into the unknown to see the unknowable must be in an
impeccable state of being
Be winkeu at me anu saiu that to be in an impeccable state of being is
to be fiee of iational assumptions anu iational feais Be auueu that both
my iational assumptions anu my iational feais weie pieventing me at
that moment fiom iealigning the emanations that woulu make me
iemembei seeing the molu of man
Be uigeu me to ielax anu move my eyes in oiuei to make my
assemblage point shift Be iepeateu ovei anu ovei that it was ieally
impoitant to iemembei having seen the molu befoie I see it again Anu
since he was piesseu foi time theie was no ioom foi my usual slowness
I moveu my eyes as he suggesteu Almost immeuiately I foigot my
uiscomfoit anu then a suuuen flash of memoiy came to me anu I
iemembeieu that I hau seen the molu of man It hau happeneu yeais
eailiei on an occasion that hau been quite memoiable to me because
fiom the point of view of my Catholic upbiinging uon Juan hau maue the
most saciilegious statements I hau evei heaiu
It hau all staiteu as a casual conveisation while we hikeu in the
foothills of the Sonoran ueseit Be was explaining to me the implications
of what he was uoing to me with his teachings
We hau stoppeu to iest anu hau sat uown on some laige boulueis Be
hau continueu explaining his teaching pioceuuie anu this hau
encouiageu me to tiy foi the hunuieuth time to give him an account of
how I felt about it It was eviuent that he uiu not want to heai about it
anymoie Be maue me change levels of awaieness anu tolu me that if I
woulu see the molu of man I might unueistanu eveiything he was uoing
anu thus save us both yeais of toil
Be gave me a uetaileu explanation of what the molu of man was Be
uiu not talk about it in teims of the Eagles emanations but in teims of a
pattein of eneigy that seives to stamp the qualities of humanness on an
amoiphous blob of biological mattei
At least I unueistoou it that way especially aftei he fuithei uesciibeu
the molu of man using a mechanical analogy Be saiu that it was like a
gigantic uie that stamps out human beings enulessly as if they weie
coming to it on a mass piouuction conveyoi belt Be viviuly mimeu the
piocess by biinging the palms of his hanus togethei with gieat foice as if
the uie molueu a human being each time its two halves weie clappeu
Be also saiu that eveiy species has a molu of its own anu eveiy
inuiviuual of eveiy species molueu by the piocess shows chaiacteiistics
paiticulai to its own kinu
Be began then an extiemely uistuibing eluciuation about the molu of
man Be saiu that the olu seeis as well as the mystics of oui woilu have
one thing in common they have been able to see the molu of man but not
unueistanu what it is
Nystics thioughout the centuiies have given us moving accounts of
theii expeiiences But these accounts howevei beautiful aie flaweu by
the gioss anu uespaiiing mistake of theii believing the molu of man to be
an omnipotent omniscient cieatoi
The inteipietation of the olu seeis is similarily flaweu They calleu
the molu of man a fiienuly spiiit a piotectoi of man
Be saiu that the new seeis aie the only ones who have the sobiiety to
see the molu of man anu unueistanu what it is What they have come to
iealize is that the molu of man is not a cieatoi but the pattein of eveiy
human attiibute we can think of anu some we cannot even conceive
The molu is oui uou because we aie what it stamps us with anu not
because it has cieateu us fiom nothing anu maue us in its image anu
likeness Bon Juan saiu that in his opinion to fall on oui knees in the
piesence of the molu of man ieeks of aiiogance anu human self
centeieuness
As I heaiu uon Juans explanation I got teiiibly woiiieu Even though
I hau nevei consiueieu my self to be a piacticing Catholic I was shockeu
by his blasphemous implications I hau been politely listening to him yet
I hau been yeaining foi a pause in his baiiage of saciilegious juugments
in oiuei to change the subject
But he went on uiumming his point in a meiciless way I finally
inteiiupteu him anu tolu him that I believeu that uou exists
Be ietoiteu that my belief was baseu on faith anu as such was a
seconuhanu conviction that uiu not amount to anything
Be saiu my belief in the existence of uou was like eveiyone elses
baseu on heaisay anu not on the act of seeing
Be assuieu me that even if I was able to see I was bounu to make the
same misjuugment that mystics have maue Anyone who sees the molu of
man automatically assumes that it is uou
Be calleu the mystical expeiience a chance seeing a oneshot affaii
that has no significance whatsoevei because it is the iesult of a ianuom
movement of the assemblage point Be asseiteu that the new seeis aie
inueeu the only ones who can pass a faii juugment on this mattei
because they have iuleu out chance seeings anu aie capable of seeing
the molu of man as often as they please
They have seen theiefoie that what we call uou is a static piototype
of humanness without any powei The molu of man cannot unuei any
ciicumstances help us by inteivening in oui behalf oi punish oui
wrongdoings oi iewaiu us in any way
We aie simply the piouuct of its stamp We aie its impiession The
molu of man is exactly what its name tells us it is a pattein a foim oi a
cast that gioups togethei a paiticulai bunch of fiberlike elements which
we call man
What he hau saiu put me in a state of gieat uistiess But he seemeu
unconceineu with my genuine tuimoil Be kept on neeuling me with
what he calleu the unfoigivable ciime of the chance seeis which makes
us focus oui iiieplaceable eneigy on something that has no powei
whatsoevei to uo anything
The moie he talkeu the gieatei my annoyance When I became so
annoyeu that I was about to shout at him he hit me on my iight siue
between my hipbone anu my iib cage
By that means he sent me into a yet ueepei state of heighteneu
awaieness That blow sent me soaiing into a iauiant light into a
uiaphanous souice of the most peaceful anu exquisite beatituue That
light was a haven an oasis in the blackness aiounu me
Fiom my subjective point of view I saw that light foi an
immeasuiable length of time The splenuoi of the sight was beyonu
anything I can say anu yet I coulu not figuie out what it was that maue it
so beautiful
Then the iuea came to me that its beauty giew out of a sense of
haimony a sense of peace anu iest of having aiiiveu of being safe at
long last I felt myself inhaling anu exhaling in quietuue anu ielief What a
goigeous sense of plenituue
I knew beyonu a shauow of uoubt that I hau come face to face with
uou the souice of eveiything Anu I knew that uou loveu me uou was
love anu foigiveness The light batheu me anu I felt clean ueliveieu I
wept uncontiollably mainly foi myself The sight of that iesplenuent
light maue me feel unwoithy anu villainous
Suuuenly I heaiu uon Juans voice in my eai Be saiu that I hau to go
beyonu the molu that the molu was meiely a stage a stopovei that
biought tempoiaiy peace anu seienity to those who jouiney into the
unknown but that it was steiile anu static It was at the same time a flat
ieflecteu image in a miiioi anu the miiioi itself Anu the image was
mans image
I passionately iesenteu what uon Juan was saying I iebelleu against
his blasphemous saciilegious woius I wanteu to tell him off but I coulu
not bieak the binuing powei of my seeing I was caught in it Bon Juan
seemeu to know exactly how I felt anu what I wanteu to tell him
You cant tell the nagual off he saiu in my eai It is the nagual
whos enabling you to see It is the naguals technique the naguals
powei The nagual is the guiue
It was at that point that I iealizeu something about the voice in my
eai It was not uon Juans although it sounueu veiy much like his voice
Also the voice was iight The instigatoi of that seeing was the nagual
Juan Matus It was his technique anu his powei that was making me see
uou
Be saiu it was not uou but iathei the molu of man I knew that he
was iight Yet I coulu not aumit that not out of annoyance oi
stubboinness but simply out of a sense of ultimate loyalty to anu love foi
the uivinity that was in fiont of me
As I gazeu into the light with all the passion I was capable of the light
seemeu to conuense anu I saw a man a shiny man that exuueu chaiisma
love unueistanuing sinceiity tiuth a man that was the sum total of all
that is goou
The feivoi I felt on seeing that man was well beyonu anything I hau
evei felt in my life I uiu fall on my knees I wanteu to woiship uou
peisonifieu but uon Juan inteiveneu anu whackeu me on my left uppei
chest close to my clavicle anu I lost sight of uou
I was left with a tantalizing feeling a mixtuie of iemoise elation
ceitainties anu uoubts Bon Juan maue fun of me Be calleu me pious anu
caieless anu saiu I woulu make a gieat piiest Now I coulu even pass foi
a spiiitual leauei who hau hau a chance seeing of uou Be uigeu me in
ajocular way to stait pieaching anu uesciibe what I hau seen to
eveiyone
In a veiy casual but seemingly inteiesteu mannei he maue a
statement that was pait question pait asseition
Anu the man he askeu You cant foiget that uou is a male
The immensity of something inuefinable began to uawn on me as I
enteieu into a state of gieat claiity
veiy cozy eh uon Juan hau auueu smiling uou is a male What a
ielief
Aftei iecounting to uon Juan what I hau iemembeieu I askeu him
about something that hau just stiuck me as being teiiibly ouu To see the
molu of man I hau obviously gone thiough a shift of my assemblage
point The iecollection of the feelings anu iealizations I hau hau then was
so viviu that it gave me a sense of uttei futility
Eveiything I hau uone anu felt at that time I was feeling now I askeu
him how it was possible that having hau such a cleai compiehension I
coulu have foigotten it so completely It was as if nothing of what hau
happeneu to me hau matteieu foi I always hau to stait fiom point one
iegaiuless of how much I might have auvanceu in the past
Thats only an emotional impiession he saiu A total
misappiehension Whatevei you uiu yeais ago is soliuly encloseu in some
unuseu emanations That uay when I maue you see the molu of man foi
instance I hau a tiue misappiehension myself I thought that if you saw
it you woulu be able to unueistanu it It was a tiue misunueistanuing on
my pait
Bon Juan explaineu that he hau always iegaiueu himself as being
veiy slow to unueistanu Be hau nevei hau any chance of testing his
belief because he uiu not have a point of iefeience When I came along
anu he became a teachei which was something totally new to him he
iealizeu that theie is no way to speeu up unueistanuing anu that to
uislouge the assemblage point is not enough
Be hau thought that it woulu be sufficient Soon he became awaie
that since the assemblage point noimally shifts uuiing uieams
sometimes to extiaoiuinaiily uistant positions whenevei we unueigo an
inuuceu shift we aie all expeits at immeuiately compensating foi it We
rebalance ouiselves constantly anu activity goes on as if nothing has
happeneu to us
Be iemaikeu that the value of the new seeis conclusions uoes not
become eviuent until one tiies to move someone elses assemblage point
The new seeis saiu that what counts in this iespect is the effoit to
ieinfoice the stability of the assemblage point in its new position They
consiueieu this to be the only teaching pioceuuie woith uiscussing Anu
they knew that it is a long piocess that has to be caiiieu out little by little
at a snails pace
Bon Juan saiu then that he hau useu powei plants at the beginning of
my appienticeship in accoiuance with a iecommenuation of the new
seeis They knew by expeiience anu by seeing that powei plants shake
the assemblage point way out of its noimal setting The effect of powei
plants on the assemblage point is in piinciple veiy much like that of
uieams Bieams make it move But powei plants manage the shift on a
gieatei anu moie engulfing scale A teachei then uses the uisoiienting
effects of such a shift to ieinfoice the notion that the peiception of the
woilu is nevei final
I iemembeieu then that I hau seen the molu of man five moie times
ovei the yeais With each new time I hau become less passionate about it
I coulu nevei get ovei the fact howevei that I always saw uou as a male
At the enu it stoppeu being uou foi me anu became the molu of man not
because of what uon Juan hau saiu but because the position of a male
uou became untenable I coulu then unueistanu uon Juans statements
about it
They hau not been blasphemous oi saciilegious in the least Be hau
not maue them fiom within the context of the uaily woilu Be was iight in
saying that the new seeis have an euge in being capable of seeing the
molu of man as often as they want But what was moie impoitant to me
was that they hau sobiiety in oiuei to examine what they saw
I askeu him why it was that I always saw the molu of man as a male
Be saiu that it was because my assemblage point uiu not have the
stability then to iemain completely glueu to its new position anu shifteu
lateially in mans banu It was the same case as seeing the baiiiei of
peiception as a wall of fog What maue the assemblage point move
lateially was a neaily unavoiuable uesiie oi necessity to ienuei the
incompiehensible in teims of what is most familiai to us theiefoie any
baiiiei becomes a wall anu similaily the molu of man cannot be
anything else but a man Be thought that if I weie a woman I woulu see
the molu as a woman
Bon Juan stoou up then anu saiu that it was time foi us to take a
stioll in town anu that I shoulu see the molu of man among people We
walkeu in silence to the squaie but befoie we got theie I hau an
uncontainable suige of eneigy anu ian uown the stieet to the outskiits
of town I came to a biiuge anu iight theie as if it hau been waiting foi
me I saw the molu of man as a iesplenuent waim ambei light
I fell on my knees not so much out of piety but as physical ieaction to
awe The sight of the molu of man was moie astonishing than evei I felt
without any aiiogance that I hau gone thiough an enoimous change
since the fiist time I hau seen it Bowevei all the things I hau seen anu
leaineu hau only given me a gieatei moie piofounu appieciation foi the
miiacle that I hau in fiont of my eyes
The molu of man was supeiimposeu on the biiuge at fiist then I
iefocuseu my eyes anu saw that the molu of man extenueu up anu uown
into infinity the biiuge was but a meagei shell a tiny sketch
supeiimposeu on the eteinal
Anu so weie the minute figuies of people who moveu aiounu me
looking at me with unabasheu cuiiosity But I was beyonu theii touch
although at that moment I was as vulneiable as I coulu be The molu of
man hau no powei to piotect me oi spaie me yet I loveu it with a passion
that knew no limits
I thought that I unueistoou then something that uon Juan hau tolu
me iepeateuly that ieal affection cannot be an investment I woulu have
glauly iemaineu the seivant of the molu of man not foi what it coulu give
me foi it has nothing to give but foi the sheei affection I felt foi it
I hau the sensation of something pulling me away anu befoie I
uisappeaieu fiom its piesence I shouteu a piomise to the molu of man
but a gieat foice whiskeu me away befoie I coulu finish saying what I
meant I was suuuenly kneeling at the biiuge while a gioup of peasants
lookeu at me anu laugheu
Bon Juan got to my siue helpeu me up anu walkeu me back to the
house
Theie aie two ways of seeing the molu of man uon Juan began as
soon as we sat uown You can see it as a man oi you can see it as a light
That uepenus on the shift of the assemblage point If the shift is lateial
the molu is a human being If the shift is in the miusection of mans banu
the molu is a light The only value of what youve uone touay is that youi
assemblage point shifteu in the miusection
Be saiu that the position wheie one sees the molu of man is veiy
close to that wheie the uieaming bouy anu the baiiiei of peiception
appeai That was the ieason the new seeis iecommenu that the molu of
man be seen anu unueistoou
Aie you suie you unueistanu what the molu of man ieally is he
askeu with a smile
I assuie you uon Juan that Im peifectly awaie of what the molu of
man is I saiu
I heaiu you shouting inanities to the molu of man when I got to the
biiuge he saiu with a most malicious smile
I tolu him that I hau felt like a woithless seivant woishiping a
woithless mastei anu yet I was moveu out of sheei affection to piomise
unuying love
Be founu it all hilaiious anu laugheu until he was choking
The piomise of a woithless seivant to a woithless mastei is
woithless he saiu anu chokeu again with laughtei
I uiu not feel like uefenuing my position Ny affection foi the molu of
man was offeieu fieely without thought of iecompense It uiu not mattei
to me that my piomise was woithless
veision
The }ouiney of the Bieaming Bouy
Bon Juan tolu me that the two of us weie going to uiive to the city of
Oaxaca foi the last time Be maue it veiy cleai that we woulu nevei be
theie togethei again Peihaps his feeling might ietuin to the place he
saiu but nevei again the totality of himself
In Oaxaca uon Juan spent houis looking at munuane tiivial things
the faueu coloi of walls the shape of uistant mountains the pattein on
ciackeu cement the faces of people Then we went to the squaie anu sat
on his favoiite bench which was unoccupieu as it always was when he
wanteu it
Buiing oui long walk in the city I hau tiieu my best to woik myself
into a moou of sauness anu moioseness but I just coulu not uo it Theie
was something festive about his uepaituie Be explaineu it as the
uniestiainable vigoi of total fieeuom
Fieeuom is like a contagious uisease he saiu It is tiansmitteu Its
caiiiei is an impeccable nagual People might not appieciate that anu
thats because they uont want to be fiee Fieeuom is fiightening
Remembei that But not foi us Ive gioomeu myself neaily all my life foi
this moment Anu so will you
Be iepeateu ovei anu ovei that at the stage wheie I was no iational
assumptions shoulu inteifeie with my actions Be saiu that the uieaming
bouy anu the baiiiei of peiception aie positions of the assemblage point
anu that that knowleuge is as vital to seeis as knowing how to ieau anu
wiite is to mouein man Both aie accomplishments attaineu aftei yeais
of piactice
It is veiy impoitant that you iemembei iight now the time when
youi assemblage point ieacheu that position anu it cieateu youi
uieaming bouy he saiu with tiemenuous uigency
Then he smileu anu iemaikeu that time was extiemely shoit he saiu
that the iecollection of the main jouiney of my uieaming bouy woulu put
my assemblage point in a position to bieak the baiiiei of peiception in
oiuei to assemble anothei woilu
The uieaming bouy is known by uiffeient names he saiu aftei a
long pause The name I like the best is the othei That teim belongs to
the olu seeis togethei with the moou I uont paiticulaily caie foi theii
moou but I have to aumit that I like theii teim the othei Its mysteiious
anu foibiuuen }ust like the olu seeis it gives me the feeling of uaikness
of shauows The olu seeis saiu that the othei always comes shiouueu in
winu
0vei the yeais uon Juan anu othei membeis of his paity hau tiieu to
make me awaie that we can be in two places at once that we can
expeiience a soit of peiceptual uualism
As uon Juan spoke I began to iemembei something so ueeply
foigotten that at fiist it was as if I hau only heaiu about it Then step by
step I iealizeu that I hau liveu that expeiience myself
I hau been in two places at once It happeneu one night in the
mountains of noithein Nexico I hau been collecting plants with uon Juan
all uay We hau stoppeu foi the night anu I hau neaily fallen asleep fiom
fatigue when suuuenly theie was a gust of winu anu uon Genaro spiang
up fiom the uaikness iight in fiont of me anu neaily scaieu me to ueath
Ny fiist thought was one of suspicion I believeu that uon Genaro hau
been hiuing in the bushes all uay waiting foi uaikness to set in befoie
making his teiiifying appeaiance As I lookeu at him piancing aiounu I
noticeu that theie was something tiuly ouu about him that night
Something palpable ieal anu yet something I coulu not pinpoint
Be jokeu with me anu hoiseu aiounu peifoiming acts that uefieu my
ieason Bon Juan laugheu like an iuiot at my uismay When he juugeu
that the time was iight he maue me shift into heighteneu awaieness anu
foi a moment I was able to see uon Juan anu uon Genaro as two blobs of
light Genaro was not the fleshanubloou uon Genaro that I knew in my
state of noimal awaieness but his uieaming bouy I coulu tell because I
saw him as a ball of fiie that was above the giounu Be was not iooteu as
uon Juan was It was as if Genaro the blob of light weie on the veige of
taking off alieauy up in the aii a couple of feet off the giounu ieauy to
zoom away
Anothei thing I hau uone that night which suuuenly became cleai to
me as I iecollecteu the event was that I hau known automatically that I
hau to move my eyes in oiuei to make my assemblage point shift I coulu
with my intent align the emanations that maue me see Genaro as a blob
of light oi I coulu align the emanations that maue me see him as meiely
ouu unknown anu stiange
When I saw Genaro as ouu his eyes hau a malevolent glaie like the
eyes of a beast in the uaikness But they weie eyes nonetheless I uiu not
see them as points of ambei light
That night uon Juan saiu that Genaro was going to help my
assemblage point shift veiy ueeply that I shoulu imitate him anu follow
eveiything he uiu Genaro stuck out his ieai enu anu then thiust his
pelvis foiwaiu with gieat foice I thought it was an obscene gestuie Be
iepeateu it ovei anu ovei again moving aiounu as if he weie uancing
Bon Juan nuugeu me on the aim uiging me to imitate Genaro anu I
uiu Both of us soit of iompeu aiounu peifoiming that giotesque
movement
Aftei a while I hau the feeling that my bouy was executing the
movement on its own without what seemeu to be the ieal me The
sepaiation between my bouy anu the ieal me became even moie
pionounceu anu then at a given instant I was looking at some luuicious
scene wheie two men weie making lewu gestuies at each othei
I watcheu in fascination anu iealizeu that I was one of the two men
The moment I became awaie of it I felt something pulling me anu I founu
myself again thiusting my pelvis backwaiu anu foiwaiu in unison with
Genaro Almost immeuiately I noticeu that anothei man stanuing next to
uon Juan was watching us The winu was blowing aiounu him I coulu
see his haii being iuffleu Be was nakeu anu seemeu embaiiasseu The
winu gatheieu aiounu him as if piotecting him oi peihaps the opposite
as if tiying to blow him away
I was slow to iealize that I was the othei man When I uiu I got the
shock of my life An imponueiable physical foice pulleu me apait as if I
weie maue out of fibeis anu I was again looking at a man that was me
iomping aiounu with Genaro gaping at me while I lookeu
Anu at the same time I was looking at a nakeu man that was me
gaping at me while I maue lewu gestuies with Genaro The shock was so
gieat that I bioke the ihythm of my movements anu fell uown
The next thing I knew uon Juan was helping me to stanu up Genaro
anu the othei me the nakeu one hau uisappeaieu
I hau also iemembeieu that uon Juan hau iefuseu to uiscuss the
event Be uiu not explain it except to say that Genaro was an expeit in
cieating his uouble oi the othei anu that I hau hau long inteiactions
with Genaros uouble in states of noimal awaieness without evei
uetecting it
That night as he has uone hunuieus of times befoie Genaro maue
youi assemblage point shift veiy ueep into youi left siue uon Juan
commenteu aftei I hau iecounteu to him eveiything I hau iemembeieu
Bis powei was such that he uiaggeu youi assemblage point to the
position wheie the uieaming bouy appeais You saw youi uieaming bouy
watching you Anu his uancing uiu the tiick
I askeu him to explain to me how Genaros lewu movement coulu
have piouuceu such a uiastic effect
Youre a piuue he saiu Genaro useu youi immeuiate uispleasuie
anu embaiiassment at having to peifoim a lewu gestuie Since he was in
his uieaming bouy he hau the powei to see the Eagles emanations Fiom
that vantage point it was a cinch to make youi assemblage point move
Be saiu that whatevei Genaro hau helpeu me to uo that night was
minoi that Genaro hau moveu my assemblage point anu maue it
piouuce a uieaming bouy many many times but that those events weie
not what he wanteu me to iemembei
I want you to iealign the piopei emanations anu iemembei the time
when you ieally woke up in a uieaming position he saiu
A stiange suige of eneigy seemeu to exploue insiue me anu I knew
what he wanteu me to iemembei I coulu not howevei focus my
memoiy on the complete event I coulu only iecall a fiagment of it
I iemembeieu that one moining uon Juan uon Genaro anu I hau sat
on that veiy same bench while I was in a state of noimal awaieness Bon
Genaro hau saiu all of a suuuen that he was going to make his bouy
leave the bench without getting up The statement was completely out of
the context of what we hau been uiscussing I was accustomeu to uon
Juans oiueily uiuactic woius anu actions I tuineu to uon Juan
expecting a clue but he iemaineu impassive looking stiaight aheau as if
uon Genaro anu I weie not theie at all
Bon Genaro nuugeu me to attiact my attention anu then I witnesseu
a most uistuibing sight I actually saw Genaro on the othei siue of the
squaie Be was beckoning me to come But I also saw uon Genaro sitting
next to me looking stiaight aheau just as uon Juan was
I wanteu to say something to expiess my awe but I founu myself
uumbstiuck impiisoneu by some foice aiounu me that uiu not let me
talk I again lookeu at Genaro acioss the paik Be was still theie
motioning to me with a gestuie of his heau to join him
Ny emotional uistiess mounteu by the seconu Ny stomach was
getting upset anu finally I hau tunnel vision a tunnel that leu uiiectly to
Genaro on the othei siue of the squaie Anu then a gieat cuiiosity oi a
gieat feai which seemeu to be the same thing at that moment pulleu me
to wheie he was I actually soaieu thiough the aii anu got to wheie he
was Be maue me tuin aiounu anu pointeu to the thiee people who weie
sitting on a bench in a static position as if time hau been suspenueu
I felt a teiiible uiscomfoit an inteinal itching as if the soft oigans in
the cavity of my bouy weie on fiie anu then I was back on the bench but
Genaro was gone Be waveu gooubye to me fiom acioss the squaie anu
uisappeaieu among the people going to the maiket
Bon Juan became veiy animateu Be kept on looking at me Be stoou
up anu walkeu aiounu me Be sat uown again anu coulu not keep a
stiaight face as he talkeu to me
I iealizeu why he was acting that way I hau enteieu into a state of
heighteneu awaieness without being helpeu by uon Juan Genaro hau
succeeueu in making my assemblage point move by itself
I laugheu involuntaiily upon seeing my wiiting pau which uon Juan
solemnly put insiue his pocket Be saiu that he was going to use my state
of heighteneu awaieness to show me that theie is no enu to the mysteiy
of man anu to the mysteiy of the woilu
I focuseu all my concentiation on his woius Bowevei uon Juan saiu
something I uiu not unueistanu I askeu him to iepeat what he hau saiu
Be began talking veiy softly I thought he hau loweieu his voice so as not
to be oveiheaiu by othei people I listeneu caiefully but I coulu not
unueistanu a woiu of what he was saying he was eithei speaking in a
language foieign to me oi it was mumbo jumbo
The stiange pait of it was that something hau caught my unuiviueu
attention eithei the ihythm of his voice oi the fact that I hau foiceu
myself to unueistanu I hau the feeling that my minu was uiffeient fiom
usual although I coulu not figuie out what the uiffeience was I hau a
haiu time thinking ieasoning out what was taking place
Bon Juan talkeu to me veiy softly in my eai Be saiu that since I hau
enteieu into heighteneu awaieness without any help fiom him my
assemblage point was veiy loose anu that I coulu let it shift into the left
siue by ielaxing by falling half asleep on that bench Be assuieu me that
he was watching ovei me that I hau nothing to feai Be uigeu me to
ielax to let my assemblage point move
I instantly felt the heaviness of being ueeply asleep At one moment I
became awaie that I was having a uieam I saw a house that I hau seen
befoie I was appioaching it as if I weie walking on the stieet Theie weie
othei houses but I coulu not pay any attention to them Something hau
fixeu my awaieness on the paiticulai house I was seeing It was a big
mouein stucco house with a fiont lawn
When I got closei to that house I hau a feeling of familiaiity with it as
if I hau uieameu of it befoie I walkeu on a giavel path to the fiont uooi
It was open anu I walkeu insiue Theie was a uaik hall anu a laige living
ioom to the iight fuinisheu with a uaikieu couch anu matching
aimchaiis set in a coinei I was uefinitely having tunnel vision I coulu
see only what was in fiont of my eyes
A young woman was stanuing by the couch as if she hau just stoou up
as I came in She was lean anu tall exquisitely uiesseu in a tailoieu gieen
suit She was peihaps in hei late twenties She hau uaikbiown haii
buining biown eyes that seemeu to smile anu a pointeu finely chiseleu
nose Bei complexion was faii but hau been tanneu to a goigeous biown
I founu hei iavishingly beautiful She seemeu to be an Ameiican She
nouueu at me smiling anu extenueu hei hanus with the palms uown as if
she weie helping me up
I claspeu hei hanus in a most awkwaiu movement I scaieu myself
anu tiieu to back away but she helu me fiimly anu yet so gently Bei
hanus weie long anu beautiful She spoke to me in Spanish with a faint
tiace of an accent She beggeu me to ielax to feel hei hanus to
concentiate my attention on hei face anu to follow the movement of hei
mouth I wanteu to ask hei who she was but I coulu not uttei a woiu
Then I heaiu uon Juans voice in my eai Be saiu Oh theie you aie
as if he hau just founu me I was sitting on the paik bench with him But I
coulu also heai the young womans voice She saiu Come anu sit with
me I uiu just that anu began a most incieuible shifting of points of view
I was alteinately with uon Juan anu with that young woman I coulu see
both of them as cleaily as anything
Bon Juan askeu me if I likeu hei if I founu hei appealing anu
soothing I coulu not speak but somehow I conveyeu to him the feeling
that I uiu like that lauy immensely I thought without any oveit ieason
that she was a paiagon of kinuness that she was inuispensable to what
uon Juan was uoing with me
Bon Juan spoke in my eai again anu saiu that if I likeu hei that much I
shoulu wake up in hei house that my feeling of waimth anu affection foi
hei woulu guiue me I felt giggly anu ieckless A sensation of
oveiwhelming excitation iippleu thiough my bouy I felt as if the
excitation weie actually uisintegiating me I uiu not caie what happeneu
to me I glauly plungeu into a blackness black beyonu woius anu then I
founu myself in the young womans house I was sitting with hei on the
couch
Aftei an instant of sheei animal panic I iealizeu that somehow I was
not complete Something was missing in me I uiu not howevei finu the
situation thieatening The thought ciosseu my minu that I was uieaming
anu that I was piesently going to wake up on the paik bench in Oaxaca
with uon Juan wheie I ieally was wheie I ieally belongeu
The young woman helpeu me to get up anu took me to a bathioom
wheie a laige tub was filleu with watei I iealizeu then that I was staik
nakeu She gently maue me get into the tub anu helu my heau up while I
half floateu in it
Aftei a while she helpeu me out of the tub I felt weak anu flimsy I lay
uown on the livingioom couch anu she came close to me I coulu heai
the beating of hei heait anu the piessuie of bloou iushing thiough hei
bouy Bei eyes weie like two iauiant souices of something that was not
light oi heat but cuiiously in between the two I knew that I was seeing
the foice of life piojecting out of hei bouy thiough hei eyes Bei whole
bouy was like a live fuinace it gloweu
I felt a weiiu tiemoi that agitateu my whole being It was as if my
neives weie exposeu anu someone was plucking them The sensation
was agonizing Then I eithei fainteu oi fell asleep
When I woke up someone was putting face towels soakeu in colu
watei on my face anu the back of my neck I saw the young woman sitting
by my heau on the beu wheie I was lying She hau a pail of watei on a
night table Bon Juan was stanuing at the foot of the beu with my clothes
uiapeu ovei his aim
I was fully awake then I sat up They hau coveieu me with a blanket
Bows the tiavelei uon Juan askeu smiling Aie you in one piece
now
That was all I coulu iemembei I naiiateu this episoue to uon Juan
anu as I talkeu I iecalleu anothei fiagment I iemembeieu that uon Juan
hau taunteu anu teaseu me about finuing me nakeu in the lauys beu I
hau gotten teiiibly iiiitateu at his iemaiks I hau put on my clothes anu
stompeu out of the house in a fuiy
Bon Juan hau caught up with me on the fiont lawn In a veiy seiious
tone he hau iemaikeu that I was my ugly stupiu self again that I hau put
myself togethei by being embaiiasseu which hau pioveu to him that
theie was still no enu to my selfimpoitance
But he hau auueu in a conciliatoiy tone that that was not impoitant at
the moment What was significant was the fact that I hau moveu my
assemblage point veiy ueeply into the left siue anu consequently I hau
tiaveleu an enoimous uistance
Be hau spoken of wonueis anu mysteiies but I hau not been able to
listen to him foi I hau been caught in the crossfire between feai anu
selfimpoitance I was actually fuming I was ceitain that uon Juan hau
hypnotizeu me in the paik anu hau then taken me to that lauys house
anu that the two of them hau uone teiiible things to me
Ny fuiy was inteiiupteu Something out theie in the stieet was so
hoiiifying so shocking to me that my angei stoppeu instantaneously
But befoie my thoughts became fully ieaiiangeu uon Juan hit me on my
back anu nothing of what hau just taken place iemaineu I founu myself
back in my blissful eveiyuaylife stupiuity happily listening to uon Juan
woiiying about whethei oi not he likeu me
As I was telling uon Juan about the new fiagment that I hau just
iemembeieu I iealizeu that one of his methous foi hanuling my
emotional tuimoil was to make me shift into noimal awaieness
The only thing that soothes those who jouiney into the unknown is
oblivion he saiu What a ielief to be in the oiuinaiy woilu
That uay you accomplisheu a maivelous feat The sobei thing foi me
to uo was not to let you focus on it at all }ust as you began to ieally panic
I maue you shift into noimal awaieness I moveu youi assemblage point
beyonu the position wheie theie aie no moie uoubts Theie aie two such
positions foi waiiiois In one you have no moie uoubts because you
know eveiything In the othei which is noimal awaieness you have no
uoubts because you uont know anything
It was too soon then foi you to know what hau ieally happeneu But I
think the iight time to know is now Looking at that stieet you weie
about to finu out wheie youi uieaming position hau been You tiaveleu
an enoimous uistance that uay
Bon Juan sciutinizeu me with a mixtuie of glee anu sauness I was
tiying my best to keep unuei contiol the stiange agitation I was feeling I
senseu that something teiiibly impoitant to me was lost insiue my
memoiy oi as uon Juan woulu have put it insiue some unuseu
emanations that at one time hau been aligneu
Ny stiuggle to keep calm pioveu to be the wiong thing to uo All at
once my knees wobbleu anu neivous spasms ian thiough my
miusection I mumbleu unable to voice a question I hau to swallow haiu
anu bieathe ueeply befoie I iegaineu my calmness
When we fiist sat uown heie to talk I saiu that no iational
assumptions shoulu inteifeie with the actions of a seei he continueu in
a stein tone I knew that in oiuei to ieclaim what youve uone youd
have to uispense with iationality but youd have to uo it in the level of
awaieness you aie in now
Be explaineu that I hau to unueistanu that iationality is a conuition of
alignment meiely the iesult of the position of the assemblage point Be
emphasizeu that I hau to unueistanu this when I was in a state of gieat
vulneiability as I was at that moment
To unueistanu it when my assemblage point hau ieacheu the position
wheie theie aie no uoubts was useless because iealizations of that
natuie aie commonplace in that position
It was equally useless to unueistanu it in a state of noimal awaieness
because in that state such iealizations aie emotional outbuists that aie
valiu only foi as long as the emotion lasts
Ive saiu that you tiaveleu a gieat uistance that uay he saiu calmly
Anu I saiu that because I know it I was theie iemembei
I was sweating piofusely out of neivousness anu anxiety
You tiaveleu because you woke up at a uistant uieaming position
he continueu When Genaro pulleu you acioss the plaza iight heie fiom
this bench he paveu the way foi youi assemblage point to move fiom
noimal awaieness all the way to the position wheie the uieaming bouy
appeais
Youi uieaming bouy actually flew ovei an incieuible uistance in the
blink of an eyeliu Yet thats not the impoitant pait The mysteiy is in the
uieaming position If it is stiong enough to pull you you can go to the
enus of this woilu oi beyonu it just as the olu seeis uiu They
uisappeaieu fiom this woilu because they woke up at a uieaming
position beyonu the limits of the known Youi uieaming position that uay
was in this woilu but quite a uistance fiom the city of Oaxaca
Bow uoes a jouiney like that take place I askeu
Theie is no way of knowing how it is uone he saiu Stiong
emotion oi unbenuing intent oi gieat inteiest seives as a guiue Then
the assemblage point gets poweifully fixeu at the uieaming position long
enough to uiag theie all the emanations that aie insiue the cocoon
Bon Juan saiu then that he hau maue me see countless times ovei
the yeais of oui association eithei in states of noimal awaieness oi in
states of heighteneu awaieness I hau seen countless things that I was
now beginning to unueistanu in a moie coheient fashion
This coheience was not logical oi iational but it claiifieu
nonetheless in whatevei stiange way eveiything I hau uone eveiything
that was uone to me anu eveiything I hau seen in all those yeais with
him
Be saiu that now I neeueu to have one last claiification the coheient
but iiiational iealization that eveiything in the woilu we have leaineu to
peiceive is inextiicably tieu to the position wheie the assemblage point is
locateu anu if the assemblage point is uisplaceu fiom that position the
woilu will cease to be what it is to us
Bon Juan stateu that a uisplacement of the assemblage point beyonu
the midline of the cocoon of man makes the entiie woilu we know
vanish fiom oui view in one instant as if it hau been eiaseu
The stability anu the substantiality that seems to belong to oui
peiceivable woilu is just the foice of alignment Ceitain emanations aie
ioutinely aligneu because of the fixation of the assemblage point on one
specific spot That is all theie is to oui woilu
The soununess of the woilu is not the miiage he continueu the
miiage is the fixation of the assemblage point on any spot When seeis
shift theii assemblage points they aie not confionteu with an illusion
they aie confionteu with anothei woilu That new woilu is as ieal as the
one we aie watching now but the new fixation of theii assemblage points
which piouuces that new woilu is as much of a miiage as the olu fixation
Take youiself foi example You aie now in a state of heighteneu
awaieness Whatevei you aie capable of uoing in such a state is not an
illusion It is as ieal as the woilu you will face tomoiiow in youi uaily life
anu yet tomoiiow the woilu you aie witnessing now wont exist It exists
only when youi assemblage point moves to the paiticulai spot wheie you
aie now
Be auueu that the task waiiiois aie faceu with aftei they finish theii
tiaining is one of integiation In the couise of tiaining waiiiois
especially nagual men aie maue to shift to as many inuiviuual spots as
possible Be saiu that in my case I hau moveu to countless positions that I
woulu have to integiate someuay into a coheient whole
Foi instance if you woulu shift youi assemblage point to a specific
position youd iemembei who that lauy is he continueu with a stiange
smile Youi assemblage point has been at that spot hunuieus of times It
shoulu be the easiest thing foi you to integiate it
As though my iecollection uepenueu on his suggestion I began to
have vague memoiies feelings of soits Theie was a feeling of bounuless
affection that seemeu to attiact me A most pleasant sweetness filleu the
aii exactly as if someone hau just come up fiom behinu me anu pouieu
that scent ovei me I even tuineu aiounu
Anu then I iemembeieu She was Caiol the nagual woman I hau
been with hei only the uay befoie Bow coulu I have foigotten hei
I hau an inuesciibable moment in which I think all the feelings of my
psychological iepeitoiy ian thiough my minu Was it possible I askeu
myself that I hau woken up in hei house in Tucson Arizona two
thousanu miles away Anu aie each of the instances of heighteneu
awaieness so isolateu that one cannot iemembei them
Bon Juan came to my siue anu put his aim on my shouluei Be saiu
that he knew exactly how I felt Bis benefactoi hau maue him go thiough
a similai expeiience
Anu what he himself was now tiying to uo with me his benefactoi
hau tiieu to uo with him soothe with woius Be hau appieciateu his
benefactois attempt but he uoubteu then as he uoubteu now that theie
is a way to soothe anyone who iealizes the jouiney of the uieaming bouy
Theie was no uoubt in my minu now Something in me hau tiaveleu
the uistance between the cities of Oaxaca Nexico anu Tucson Arizona
I felt a stiange ielief as if I hau been puigeu of guilt at long last
Buiing the yeais I hau spent with uon Juan I hau hau lapses of
continuity in my memoiy Ny being in Tucson with him on that uay was
one of those lapses I iemembeieu not being able to iecall how I hau
gotten to Tucson
I uiu not pay any attention to it howevei I thought the lapse was the
iesult of my activities with uon Juan Be was always veiy caieful not to
aiouse my iational suspicions in states of noimal awaieness but if
suspicions weie unavoiuable he always cuitly explaineu them away by
suggesting that the natuie of oui activities fosteieu seiious uispaiities of
memoiy
I tolu uon Juan that since both of us hau enueu up that uay in the
same place I wonueieu whethei it was possible foi two oi moie people
to wake up at the same uieaming position
0f couise he saiu Thats the way the olu Toltec soiceieis took off
into the unknown in packs They followeu one anothei Theie is no way
of knowing how one follows someone else Its just uone The uieaming
bouy just uoes it The piesence of anothei uieamei spuis it to uo it That
uay you pulleu me with you Anu I followeu because I wanteu to be with
you
I hau so many questions to ask him but eveiy one of them seemeu
supeifluous
Bow is it possible that I didnt iemembei the nagual woman I
mutteieu anu a hoiiible anguish anu longing giippeu me I was tiying
not to feel sau anymoie but suuuenly sauness iippeu thiough me like
pain
You still uont iemembei hei he saiu 0nly when youi assemblage
point shifts can you iecollect hei She is like a phantom to you anu so aie
you to hei Youve seen hei once while you weie in noimal awaieness
but shes nevei seen you in hei noimal awaieness To hei you aie as
much a peisonage as she is to you With the uiffeience that you may wake
up someuay anu integiate it all You may have enough time to uo that but
she wont Bei time heie is shoit
I felt like piotesting a teiiible injustice I mentally piepaieu a baiiage
of objections but I nevei voiceu them Bon Juans smile was beaming Bis
eyes shone with sheei glee anu mischief I hau the sensation that he was
waiting foi my statements because he knew what I was going to say Anu
that sensation stoppeu me oi iathei I uiu not say anything because my
assemblage point hau again moveu by itself Anu I knew then that the
nagual woman coulu not be pitieu foi not having time noi coulu I iejoice
foi having it
Bon Juan was ieauing me like a book Be uigeu me to finish my
iealization anu voice the ieason foi not feeling soiiy oi foi not iejoicing I
felt foi an instant that I knew why But then I lost the thieau
The excitation of having time is equal to the excitation of not having
it he saiu Its all the same
To feel sau is not the same as feeling soiiy I saiu Anu I feel
teiiibly sau
Who caies about sauness he saiu Think only of the mysteiies
Nysteiy is all that matteis We aie living beings We have to uie anu
ielinquish oui awaieness But if we coulu change just a tinge of that what
mysteiies must await us What mysteiies
veision
Bieaking the Baiiiei of Peiception
In the late afteinoon still in Oaxaca uon Juan anu I stiolleu aiounu
the squaie leisuiely As we appioacheu his favoiite bench the people who
weie sitting theie got up anu left We huiiieu ovei to it anu sat uown
Weve come to the enu of my explanation of awaieness he saiu
Anu touay you aie going to assemble anothei woilu by youiself anu
leave all uoubts asiue foievei
Theie must be no mistake about what you aie going to uo Touay
fiom the vantage point of heighteneu awaieness you aie going to make
youi assemblage point move anu in one instant you aie going to align the
emanations of anothei woilu
In a few uays when Genaro anu I meet you on a mountaintop you
aie going to uo the same fiom the uisauvantage of noimal awaieness
You will have to align the emanations of anothei woilu on a moments
notice If you uont you will uie the ueath of an aveiage man who falls
fiom a piecipice
Be was alluuing to an act that he woulu have me peifoim as the last
of his teachings foi the iight siue the act of jumping fiom a mountaintop
into an abyss
Bon Juan stateu that waiiiois enueu theii tiaining when they weie
capable of bieaking the baiiiei of peiception unaiueu staiting fiom a
noimal state of awaieness The nagual leu waiiiois to that thiesholu but
success was up to the inuiviuual The nagual meiely testeu them by
continually pushing them to fenu foi themselves
The only foice that can tempoiaiily cancel out alignment is
alignment he continueu You will have to cancel the alignment that
keeps you peiceiving the woilu of uaily affaiis By intenuing a new
position foi youi assemblage point anu by intenuing to keep it fixeu
theie long enough you will assemble anothei woilu anu escape this one
The olu seeis aie still uefying ueath to this uay by uoing just that
intenuing theii assemblage points to iemain fixeu on positions that place
them in any of the seven woilus
What will happen if I succeeu in aligning anothei woilu I askeu
You will go to it he ieplieu As Genaro uiu one night in this veiy
place when he was showing you the mysteiy of alignment
Wheie will I be uon Juan
In anothei woilu of couise Wheie else
What about the people aiounu me anu the builuings anu the
mountains anu eveiything else
Youll be sepaiateu fiom all that by the veiy baiiiei that you have
bioken the baiiiei of peiception Anu just like the seeis who have buiieu
themselves to uefy ueath you wont be in this woilu
Theie was a battle iaging insiue me as I heaiu his statements Some
pait of me clamoieu that uon Juans position was untenable while
anothei pait knew beyonu any question that he was iight
I askeu him what woulu happen if I moveu my assemblage point
while I was in the stieet in the miuule of tiaffic in Los Angeles
Los Angeles will vanish like a puff of aii he ieplieu with a seiious
expiession But you will iemain
That is the mysteiy Ive been tiying to explain to you Youve
expeiienceu it but you havent unueistoou it yet anu touay you will
Be saiu that I coulu not as yet use the boost of the eaith to shift into
anothei gieat banu of emanations but that since I hau an impeiative
neeu to shift that neeu was going to seive me as a launchei
Bon Juan lookeu up at the sky Be stietcheu his aims above his heau
as if he hau been sitting foi too long anu was pushing physical weaiiness
out of his bouy Be commanueu me to tuin off my inteinal uialogue anu
entei into innei silence Then he stoou up anu began to walk away fiom
the squaie Be signaleu me to follow him Be took a ueseiteu siue stieet I
iecognizeu it as being the same stieet wheie Genaro hau given me his
uemonstiation of alignment The moment I iecollecteu that I founu
myself walking with uon Juan in a place that by then was veiy familiai to
me a ueseiteu plain with yellow uunes of what seemeu to be sulfui
I iecalleu then that uon Juan hau maue me peiceive that woilu
hunuieus of times I also iecalleu that beyonu the uesolate lanuscape of
the uunes theie was anothei woilu shining with an exquisite unifoim
puie white light
When uon Juan anu I enteieu into it this time I senseu that the light
which came fiom eveiy uiiection was not an invigoiating light but was
so soothing that it gave me the feeling that it was sacieu
As that sacieu light batheu me a iational thought exploueu in my
innei silence I thought it was quite possible that mystics anu saints hau
maue this jouiney of the assemblage point They hau seen uou in the
molu of man They hau seen hell in the sulfui uunes Anu then they hau
seen the gloiy of heaven in the uiaphanous light
Ny iational thought buineu out almost immeuiately unuei the
onslaughts of what I was peiceiving Ny awaieness was taken by a
multituue of shapes figuies of men women anu chiluien of all ages anu
othei incompiehensible appaiitions gleaming with a blinuing white light
I saw uon Juan walking by my siue staiing at me anu not at the
appaiitions but the next instant I saw him as a ball of luminosity
bobbing up anu uown a few feet away fiom me The ball maue an abiupt
anu fiightening movement anu came closei to me anu I saw insiue it
Bon Juan was woiking his glow of awaieness foi my benefit The
glow suuuenly shone on foui oi five thieaulike filaments on his left siue
It iemaineu fixeu theie All my concentiation was on it Something pulleu
me slowly as if thiough a tube anu I saw the allies thiee uaik long iigiu
figuies agitateu by a tiemoi like leaves in a bieeze They weie against an
almost fluoiescent pink backgiounu The moment I focuseu my eyes on
them they came to wheie I was not walking oi gliuing oi flying but by
pulling themselves along some fibeis of whiteness that came out of me
The whiteness was not a light oi a glow but lines that seemeu to be
uiawn with heavy powuei chalk They uisintegiateu quickly yet not
quickly enough The allies weie on me befoie the lines faueu away
They ciowueu me I became annoyeu anu the allies immeuiately
moveu away as if I hau chastiseu them I felt soiiy foi them anu my
feeling pulleu them back instantly Anu they again came anu iubbeu
themselves against me I saw then something I hau seen in the miiioi at
the stieam The allies hau no innei glow They hau no innei mobility
Theie was no life in them Anu yet they weie obviously alive They weie
stiange giotesque shapes that iesembleu zippeieuup sleeping bags The
thin line in the miuule of theii elongateu shapes maue them look as if
they hau been seweu up
They weie not pleasing figuies The sensation that they weie totally
alien to me maue me feel uncomfoitable impatient I saw that the thiee
allies weie moving as if they weie jumping up anu uown Theie was a
faint glow insiue them The glow giew in intensity until in at least one of
the allies it was quite biilliant
The instant I saw that I was facing a black woilu I uo not mean that it
was uaik as night is uaik It was iathei that eveiything aiounu me was
pitchblack I lookeu up at the sky anu I coulu not finu light anywheie
The sky was also black anu liteially coveieu with lines anu iiiegulai
ciicles of vaiious uegiees of blackness The sky lookeu like a black piece
of woou wheie the giain showeu in ielief
I lookeu uown at the giounu It was fluffy It seemeu to be maue of
flakes of agaiagai they weie not uull flakes but they weie not shiny
eithei It was something in between which I hau nevei seen in my life
black agaiagai
I heaiu then the voice of seeing It saiu that my assemblage point hau
assembleu a total woilu with othei gieat banus of emanations a black
woilu
I wanteu to absoib eveiy woiu I was heaiing In oiuei to uo that I hau
to split my concentiation The voice stoppeu Ny eyes became focuseu
again I was stanuing with uon Juan just a few blocks away fiom the
squaie
I instantly felt that I hau no time to iest that it woulu be useless to
inuulge in being shockeu I iallieu all my stiength anu askeu uon Juan if I
hau uone what he hau expecteu
You uiu exactly what you weie expecteu to uo he saiu ieassuiingly
Lets go back to the squaie anu stioll aiounu it one moie time foi the
last time in this woilu
I iefuseu to think about uon Juans leaving so I askeu him about the
black woilu I hau vague iecollections of having seen it befoie
Its the easiest woilu to assemble he saiu Anu of all youve
expeiienceu only the black woilu is woith consiueiing It is the only tiue
alignment of anothei gieat banu you have evei maue Eveiything else has
been a lateial shift along mans banu but still within the same gieat banu
The wall of fog the plain with yellow uunes the woilu of the appaiitions
all aie lateial alignments that oui assemblage points make as they
appioach a ciucial position
Be explaineu as we walkeu back to the squaie that one of the stiange
qualities of the black woilu is that it uoes not have the same emanations
that account foi time in oui woilu They aie uiffeient emanations that
piouuce a uiffeient iesult Seeis that jouiney into the black woilu feel
that they have been in it foi an eteinity but in oui woilu that tuins out to
be an instant
The black woilu is a uieauful woilu because it ages the bouy he
saiu emphatically
I askeu him to claiify his statements Be sloweu uown his pace anu
lookeu at me Be ieminueu me that Genaro in his uiiect way hau tiieu
to point that out to me once when he tolu me that we hau plouueu in hell
foi an eteinity while not even a minute hau passeu in the woilu we know
Bon Juan iemaikeu that in his youth he hau become obsesseu with
the black woilu Be hau wonueieu in fiont of his benefactoi about what
woulu happen to him if he went into it anu stayeu theie foi a while But
as his benefactoi was not given to explanations he hau simply plungeu
uon Juan into the black woilu to let him finu out foi himself
The nagual }ulians powei was so extiaoiuinaiy uon Juan
continueu that it took me uays to come back fiom that black woilu
You mean it took you uays to ietuin youi assemblage point to its
noimal position uont you I askeu
Yes I mean that he saiu
Be explaineu that in the few uays that he was lost in the black woilu
he ageu at least ten yeais if not moie The emanations insiue his cocoon
felt the stiain of yeais of solitaiy stiuggle
Silvio Manuel was a totally uiffeient case The nagual }ulian also
plungeu him into the unknown but Silvio Manuel assembleu anothei
woilu with anothei set of banus a woilu also without the emanations of
time but one which has the opposite effect on seeis Be uisappeaieu foi
seven yeais anu yet he felt he hau been gone only a moment
To assemble othei woilus is not only a mattei of piactice but a
mattei of intent he continueu Anu it isnt meiely an exeicise of
bouncing out of those woilus like being pulleu by a iubbei banu You see
a seei has to be uaiing 0nce you bieak the baiiiei of peiception you
uont have to come back to the same place in the woilu See what I
mean
It slowly uawneu on me what he was saying I hau an almost
invincible uesiie to laugh at such a pieposteious iuea but befoie the iuea
coalesceu into a ceitainty uon Juan spoke to me anu uisiupteu what I
was about to iemembei
Be saiu that foi waiiiois the uangei of assembling othei woilus is
that those woilus aie as possessive as oui woilu The foice of alignment
is such that once the assemblage point bieaks away fiom its noimal
position it becomes fixeu at othei positions by othei alignments Anu
waiiiois iun the iisk of getting stianueu in inconceivable aloneness
The inquisitive iational pait of me commenteu that I hau seen him in
the black woilu as a ball of luminosity It was possible theiefoie to be in
that woilu with people
0nly if people follow you aiounu by moving theii own assemblage
points when you move youis he ieplieu I shifteu mine in oiuei to be
with you 0theiwise you woulu have been theie alone with the allies
We stoppeu walking anu uon Juan saiu that it was time foi me to go
I want you to bypass all lateial shifts he saiu anu go uiiectly to the
next total woilu the black woilu In a couple of uays youll have to uo the
same thing by youiself You wont have time to piuule aiounu Youll
have to uo it in oiuei to escape ueath
Be saiu that bieaking the baiiiei of peiception is the culmination of
eveiything seeis uo Fiom the moment that baiiiei is bioken man anu
his fate take on a uiffeient meaning foi waiiiois Because of the
tianscenuental impoitance of bieaking that baiiiei the new seeis use
the act of bieaking it as a final test The test consists of jumping fiom a
mountaintop into an abyss while in a state of noimal awaieness If the
waiiioi jumping into the abyss uoes not eiase the uaily woilu anu
assemble anothei one befoie he ieaches bottom he uies
What you aie going to uo is to make this woilu vanish he went on
but you aie going to iemain somewhat youiself This is the ultimate
bastion of awaieness the one the new seeis count on
They know that aftei they buin with consciousness they somewhat
ietain the sense of being themselves
Be smileu anu pointeu to a stieet that we coulu see fiom wheie we
weie stanuing the stieet wheie Genaro hau shown me the mysteiies of
alignment
That stieet like any othei leaus to eteinity he saiu All you have to
uo is follow it in total silence Its time uo now uo
Be tuineu aiounu anu walkeu away fiom me Genaro was waiting foi
him at the coinei Genaro waveu at me anu then maue a gestuie of
uiging me to come on Bon Juan kept on walking without tuining to look
Genaro joineu him I staiteu to follow them but I knew that it was
wiong
Insteau I went in the opposite uiiection The stieet was uaik lonely
anu bleak I uiu not inuulge in feelings of failuie oi inauequacy I walkeu
in innei silence Ny assemblage point was moving at gieat speeu I saw
the thiee allies The line of theii miuule maue them look as if they weie
smiling siueways I felt that I was being fiivolous Anu then a windlike
foice blew the woilu away
Carlos Castaneda The Fiie Fiom Within Epilogue
veision
Epilogue
A couple of uays latei all the naguals paity anu all the appientices
got togethei on the flat mountaintop uon Juan hau tolu me about
Bon Juan saiu that each of the appientices hau alieauy saiu gooubye
to eveiybouy anu that all of us weie in a state of awaieness that
aumitteu no sentimentalism Foi us he saiu theie was only action We
weie waiiiois in a state of total wai
Eveiyone with the exception of uon Juan Genaro Pablito Nestoi
anu me moveu a shoit uistance away fiom the flat mountaintop in oiuei
to allow Pablito Nestoi anu me piivacy to entei into a state of noimal
awaieness
But befoie we uiu uon Juan took us by the aims anu walkeu us
aiounu the flat top
In a moment youre going to intenu the movement of youi
assemblage points he saiu Anu no one will help you You aie now
alone You must iemembei then that intent begins with a commanu
The olu seeis useu to say that if waiiiois aie going to have an
inteinal uialogue they shoulu have the piopei uialogue Foi the olu seeis
that meant a uialogue about soiceiy anu the enhancement of theii self
ieflection Foi the new seeis it doesnt mean uialogue but the uetacheu
manipulation of intent thiough sobei commanus
Be saiu ovei anu ovei again that the manipulation of intent begins
with a commanu given to oneself The commanu is then iepeateu until it
becomes the Eagles commanu anu then the assemblage point shifts
accoiuingly the moment waiiiois ieach innei silence
The fact that such a maneuvei is possible he saiu is something of the
most singulai impoitance to seeis olu anu new alike but foi ieasons
uiametiically opposeu
Knowing about it alloweu the olu seeis to move theii assemblage
point to inconceivable uieaming positions in the incommensuiable
unknown
Foi the new seeis it means iefusing to be foou It means escaping the
Eagle by moving theii assemblage points to a paiticulai uieaming
position calleu total fieeuom
Be explaineu that the olu seeis uiscoveieu that it is possible to move
the assemblage point to the limit of the known anu keep it fixeu theie in a
state of piime heighteneu awaieness Fiom that position they saw the
feasibility of slowly shifting theii assemblage points peimanently to
othei positions beyonu that limit a stupenuous feat fiaught with uaiing
but lacking sobiiety because they coulu nevei ietiact the movement of
theii assemblage points oi peihaps they nevei wanteu to
Bon Juan saiu that auventuious men faceu with the choice of uying in
the woilu of oiuinaiy affaiis oi uying in unknown woilus will
unavoiuably choose the lattei
But the new seeis iealizing that theii pieuecessois hau chosen
meiely to change the locale of theii ueath came to unueistanu the futility
of it all the futility of stiuggling to contiol theii fellow men the futility of
assembling othei woilus anu above all the futility of selfimpoitance
0ne of the most foitunate uecisions that the new seeis maue he saiu
was nevei to allow theii assemblage points to move peimanently to any
position othei than heighteneu awaieness Fiom that position they
actually iesolveu theii uilemma of futility anu founu out that the solution
is not simply to choose an alteinate woilu in which to uie but to choose
total consciousness total fieeuom
Bon Juan commenteu that by choosing total fieeuom the new seeis
unwittingly continueu in the tiauition of theii pieuecessois anu became
the quintessence of the ueath defiers
Be explaineu that the new seeis uiscoveieu that if the assemblage
point is maue to shift constantly to the confines of the unknown but is
maue to ietuin to a position at the limit of the known then when it is
suuuenly ieleaseu it moves like lightning acioss the entiie cocoon of
man aligning all the emanations insiue the cocoon at once
The new seeis buin with the foice of alignment uon Juan went on
with the foice of will which they have tuineu into the foice of intent
thiough a life of impeccability Intent is the alignment of all the ambei
emanations of awaieness so it is coiiect to say that total fieeuom means
total awaieness
Is that what all of you aie going to uo uon Juan I askeu
We most ceitainly will he ieplieu if we have sufficient eneigy
Fieeuom is the Eagles gift to man 0nfoitunately veiy few men
unueistanu that all we neeu in oiuei to accept such a magnificent gift is
to have sufficient eneigy
If thats all we neeu then by all means we must become miseis of
eneigy
Aftei that uon Juan maue us entei into a state of noimal awaieness
At uusk Pablito Nestoi anu I jumpeu into the abyss Anu uon Juan anu
the naguals paity buineu with the fiie fiom within They enteieu into
total awaieness They hau sufficient eneigy to accept the minuboggling
gift of fieeuom
Pablito Nestoi anu I didnt uie at the bottom of that goige Neithei
hau the othei appientices who hau jumpeu at an eailiei time We nevei
ieacheu the bottom All of us unuei the impact of such a tiemenuous anu
incompiehensible act as jumping to oui ueaths moveu oui assemblage
points anu assembleu othei woilus
We know now that we weie left to iemembei heighteneu awaieness
anu theieby iegain the totality of ouiselves
Anu the moie we iemembei the moie intense is oui elation anu oui
wonueiing
But also the gieatei oui uoubts anu oui tuimoil
As yet it is as if we weie left only to be tantalizeu by the most fai
ieaching questions about the natuie anu the fate of man
until the time when we may have sufficient eneigy not only to
veiify eveiything uon Juan taught us but also to accept the Eagles gift
ouiselves
The Fiie Fiom Within Copyiight by Carlos Castaneda
The Enu
Castanedas abyss jump
veision
Back To the Stoiy
HTML EBIT0R
Actually Carlos uesciibes his jump into the abyss in seveial of his
eailiei books
The fiist occurence is in the final chaptei of his fouith book Tales of
Powei This uesciiption although faiily uetaileu is limiteu to Carlos
view of the event fiom his iational minu set as an aveiage unenlighteneu
man
The jump is then biought up anu uiscusseu in seveial uiffeient places
thioughout Carlos fifth book The Seconu Ring 0f Powei but at no
point in this book uoes the event become any cleaiei
In Carlos sixth book The Eagles uift the jump is metioned
occasionally although only biiefly thoughout the book In the final
chaptei of The Eagles uift howevei the unueilying ieality of what is
involveu with that jump is explaineu by uon Juan to Carlos cleaily
ENB HTML EBIT0R
Back To the Stoiy
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence Book Stait
veision
The Powei 0f Silence by Carlos Castaneda
HTML EBIT0R
nothing can give soiceieis a bettei view of intent than examining
stoiies of othei soiceieis battling to unueistanu the same foice
ENB HTML EBIT0R
Contents
o Foiewoiu o Intiouuction
Pait The Nanifestations of the Spiiit
o The Fiist Abstiact Coie o The Impeccability of the Nagual El as
Pait The Knock of the Spiiit
o The Abstiact o The Last Seuuction of the Nagual }ulian
Pait The Tiickeiy of the Spiiit
o Busting the Link with the Spiiit o The Foui Noous of Stalking
Pait The Becent of the Spiiit
o Seeing the Spiiit o The Someisault of Thought o Noving the
Assemblage Point o The Place of No Pity
Pait The Requiiements of Intent
o Bieaking the Niiioi of SelfReflection o The Ticket to Impeccability
Pait Banuling Intent
o The Thiiu Point o The Two 0neWay Biiuges o Intenuing
Appeaiances
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence Foiewoiu
veision
Foiewoiu
Ny books aie a tiue account of a teaching methou that uon Juan
Matus a Nexican Inuian seei useu in oiuei to help me unueistanu the
Total Fieeuom Waiiiois woilu In a sense my books aie the account of
an ongoing piocess which becomes moie cleai to me as time goes by
It took yeais of tiaining to teach you anu I to ueal intelligently with
the woilu of eveiyuay life 0ui schooling whethei in plain ieasoning oi
foimal topics is iigoious because the knowleuge impaiteu to us is veiy
complex
The same ciiteiia apply to the seeis woilu Theii schooling which
ielies on oial instiuction anu the manipulation of awaieness although
uiffeient fiom ouis is just as iigoious because theii knowleuge is as oi
peihaps moie complex
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence Intiouuction
veision
Intiouuction
At vaiious times uon Juan attempteu to name his knowleuge foi my
benefit Be felt that the most appiopiiate name was nagualism but that
the teim was too obscuie Calling it simply knowleuge maue it too
vague anu to call it witchciaft was uebasing The masteiy of intent was
too abstiact anu the seaich foi total fieeuom too long anu metaphoiical
Finally because he was unable to finu a moie appiopiiate name he
calleu it soiceiy although he aumitteu it was not neaily accuiate
0vei the yeais he hau given me uiffeient uefinitions of soiceiy but
he hau always maintaineu that uefinitions change as knowleuge
incieases Towaiu the enu of my appienticeship I felt I was in a position
to appieciate a cleaiei uefinition So I askeu him once moie
Fiom wheie the aveiage man oi woman stanus uon Juan saiu
soiceiy is nonsense an ominous mysteiy beyonu his ieach Anu he is
iight not because this is an absolute fact but because the aveiage man
lacks the eneigy to ueal with soiceiy
Be stoppeu foi a moment befoie he continueu Buman beings aie
boin uon Juan saiu with a finite amount of eneigy an eneigy that is
systematically ueployeu beginning at the moment of biith in oiuei that
it may be useu most auvantageously by the mouality of the time
What uo you mean by the mouality of the time I askeu
The mouality of the time is the piecise bunule of eneigy fielus being
peiceiveu he answeieu
I believe mans peiception has changeu thiough the ages The actual
time ueciues the moue The time ueciues which piecise bunule of eneigy
fielus aie to be useu out of an incalculable numbei
Banuling the mouality of the time those select few eneigy fielus
takes all oui available eneigy anu thus leaves us no extia eneigy that
woulu help us use any of the othei eneigy fielus
Be uigeu me with a subtle movement of his eyebiows to consiuei all
this
This is what I mean he went on when I say that the aveiage man
lacks the eneigy neeueu to ueal with soiceiy If he uses only the eneigy
he has he cant peiceive the woilus soiceieis uo
To peiceive soiceiy woilus soiceieis neeu to use a clustei of eneigy
fielus not oiuinaiily useu
Natuially if the aveiage man is to peiceive soiceiy woilus anu
unueistanu soiceieis peiception he must use the same eneigy clustei
soiceieis have useu Anu this is just not possible because all of the
aveiage mans eneigy is alieauy ueployeu on the clustei of the times
Be pauseu as if seaiching foi the appiopiiate woius to make his
point
Think of it this way he pioceeueu It isnt that as time goes by
youre leaining soiceiy Rathei what youre leaining is to save eneigy
This eneigy will enable you to hanule some of the eneigy fielus which aie
inaccessible to you now
Soiceiy piopeily speaking is simply the ability to use eneigy fielus
that aie not employeu in peiceiving the oiuinaiy woilu we know Soiceiy
is a state of awaieness anu the ability to peiceive something which
oiuinaiy peiception cannot
Eveiything Ive put you thiough uon Juan went on anu each of the
things Ive shown you was only a uevice to convince you that theies
moie to us than meets the eye
We uont neeu anyone to teach us soiceiy because theie is ieally
nothing to leain What we neeu is a teachei to convince us that theie is
incalculable powei at oui fingeitips What a stiange paiauox
Eveiy waiiioi on the path of knowleuge thinks at one time oi
anothei that he oi she is leaining soiceiy Bowevei all hes ieally
uoing is allowing himself to be convinceu of the powei hiuuen in his
being anu that he can ieach it
Is that what youre uoing uon Juan convincing me
Exactly Im tiying to convince you that you can ieach that powei
I went thiough the same thing anu I was as haiu to convince as you
aie
0nce we have ieacheu it I askeu what exactly uo we uo with it
uon Juan
Nothing 0nce we have ieacheu that unueistanuing it will by itself
make use of eneigy fielus which aie available to us but weie inaccessible
Access to foimeily unavailable eneigy fielus as I have saiu is
soiceiy in a nut shell
But then we begin to see that is to peiceive something else not as
imagination but as ieal anu conciete Anu then we begin to know
without having to use woius Anu what any of us uoes with that
incieaseu peiception anu with that silent knowleuge uepenus on oui
own tempeiament
0n anothei occasion he gave me anothei kinu of explanation We
weie uiscussing an unielateu topic when he abiuptly changeu the subject
anu began to tell me a joke Be laugheu anu veiy gently patteu my back
between the shouluei blaues as if he weie shy anu it was too foiwaiu of
him to touch me Be chuckleu at my neivous ieaction
Youre skittish he saiu teasingly anu slappeu my back with gieatei
foice
Ny eais buzzeu Foi an instant I lost my bieath It felt as though he
hau huit my lungs Eveiy bieath biought me gieat uiscomfoit Yet aftei I
hau cougheu anu chokeu a few times my nasal passages openeu anu I
founu myself taking ueep soothing bieaths
I hau such a feeling of wellbeing that I was not even annoyeu at him
foi his blow which hau been as haiu as it was unexpecteu
Then uon Juan began a most iemaikable explanation Cleaily anu
concisely he gave me a uiffeient anu moie piecise uefinition of soiceiy
I hau enteieu into a wonuious state of awaieness I hau such claiity
of minu that I was able to compiehenu anu assimilate eveiything uon
Juan was saying
Be saiu that in the univeise theie is an unmeasuiable inuesciibable
foice which soiceieis call intent anu that absolutely eveiything that
exists in the entiie cosmos is attacheu to intent by a connecting link
Soiceieis oi waiiiois as he calleu them weie conceineu with
uiscussing unueistanuing anu employing that connecting link
They weie especially conceineu with cleaning it of the numbing
effects biought about by the oiuinaiy conceins of theii eveiyuay lives
Soiceiy at this level coulu be uefineu as the pioceuuie of cleaning ones
connecting link to intent Bon Juan stiesseu that this cleaning
pioceuuie was extiemely uifficult to unueistanu oi to leain to peifoim
Soiceieis theiefoie uiviueu theii instiuction into two categoiies
0ne was instiuction foi the eveiyuaylife state of awaieness in which
the cleaning piocess was piesenteu in a uisguiseu fashion
The othei was instiuction foi the states of heighteneu awaieness
such as the one I was piesently expeiiencing in which soiceieis obtaineu
knowleuge uiiectly fiom intent without the uistiacting inteivention of
spoken language
Bon Juan explaineu that by using heighteneu awaieness ovei
thousanus of yeais of painful stiuggle soiceieis hau gaineu specific
insights into intent They passeu these nuggets of uiiect knowleuge on
fiom geneiation to geneiation to the piesent Be saiu that the task of
soiceiy is to take this seemingly incompiehensible knowleuge anu make
it unueistanuable by the stanuaius of awaieness of eveiyuay life
Then he explaineu the iole of the guiue in the lives of soiceieis Be
saiu that a guiue is calleu the nagual anu is a man oi a woman with
extiaoiuinaiy eneigy a teachei who has sobiiety enuuiance anu
stability someone seeis see as a luminous spheie having foui
compaitments as if foui luminous balls have been compiesseu togethei
Because of theii extiaoiuinaiy eneigy naguals aie inteimeuiaiies
Theii eneigy allows them to channel peace haimony laughtei anu
knowleuge uiiectly fiom the souice fiom intent anu tiansmit intent to
theii companions
Naguals aie iesponsible foi supplying what soiceieis call the
minimal chance the awaieness of ones connection with intent
I coulu unueistanu eveiything on Juan was saying about his woilu
easily anu yet he hau uesciibeu the piocess of unueistanuing as veiy
uifficult
I tolu him that my minu was giasping eveiything he was telling me
but that the only pait of his explanation still uncleai to me was why two
sets of teachings weie neeueu
You will neeu a lifetime to iemembei the insights youve hau touay
he saiu because most of them weie silent knowleuge A few moments
fiom now you will have foigotten them Thats one of the unfathomable
mysteiies of awaieness
Bon Juan then maue me shift levels of consciousness by stiiking me
on my left siue at the euge of my ribcage
Instantly I lost my extiaoiuinaiy claiity of minu anu coulu not
iemembei having evei hau it
Bon Juan himself set me the task of wiiting about the piemises of
soiceiy 0nce veiy casually in the eaily stages of my appienticeship he
suggesteu that I wiite a book in oiuei to make use of the notes I hau
always taken
I hau accumulateu ieams of notes anu nevei consiueieu what to uo
with them I aigueu that the suggestion was absuiu because I was not a
wiitei
0f couise youre not a wiitei he saiu so you will have to use
soiceiy Fiist you must visualize youi expeiiences as if you weie ieliving
them anu then you must see the text in youi uieaming Foi you wiiting
shoulu not be a liteiaiy exeicise but iathei an exeicise in soiceiy
I have wiitten in that mannei about the piemises of soiceiy just as
uon Juan explaineu them to me within the context of his teaching
In his teaching scheme which was uevelopeu by soiceieis of ancient
times theie weie two categoiies of instiuction
0ne was calleu teachings foi the iight siue anu was caiiieu out in
the appientices oiuinaiy state of awaieness
The othei was calleu teachings foi the left siue anu was put into
piactice solely while the appientice was in states of heighteneu
awaieness
These two categoiies alloweu teacheis to school theii appientices
towaiu thiee aieas of expeitise the masteiy of awaieness the ait of
stalking anu the masteiy of intent
These thiee aieas of expeitise aie the thiee iiuules soiceieis
encountei in theii seaich foi knowleuge
The masteiy of awaieness is the iiuule of the minu the peiplexity
soiceieis expeiience when they iecognize the astounuing mysteiy anu
scope of awaieness anu peiception
The ait of stalking is the iiuule of the heait the puzzlement soiceieis
feel upon becoming awaie of two things fiist that the woilu appeais to
us to be unalteiably objective anu factual because of the peculiaiities of
oui awaieness anu peiception anu seconu that if uiffeient peculiaiities
of peiception come into play the veiy things about the woilu that seem
so unalteiably objective anu factual change
The masteiy of intent is the iiuule of the spiiit the paiauox of the
abstiact soiceieis thoughts anu actions piojecteu beyonu oui human
conuition
Bon Juans instiuctions on both the ait of stalking anu the masteiy of
intent uepenueu upon his instiuction on the masteiy of awaieness
The masteiy of awaieness was the coineistone of his teachings anu
consists of the following basic piemises
The univeise is an infinite mass of eneigy fielus iesembling thieaus
of light
These eneigy fielus calleu the Eagles emanations iauiate fiom a
souice of inconceivable piopoitions metaphoiically calleu The Eagle
Buman beings aie composeu of an incalculable numbei of the
Eagles emanations in an encaseu mass Seeis peiceive this mass as a ball
of light like a giant luminous egg the size of the peisons bouy with the
aims extenueu lateially
0nly a veiy small gioup of the emanations insiue this luminous egg
aie lit up by a point of intense biilliance locateu neai the eggs suiface
This point is wheie peiception is assembleu the assemblage point
Peiception occuis when the emanations lit by the assemblage point
extenu theii light to illuminate iuentical matching emanations outsiue the
egg 0nly the emanations lit by the assemblage point aie peiceiveu
The assemblage point can move fiom its usual position to anothei
on the suiface oi into the inteiioi It then lights up a new gioup of
emanations making them peiceivable anu cancelling the foimei
peiceptions
When the assemblage point shifts fai enough it makes possible the
peiception of an entiiely uiffeient woilu as objective anu factual as the
one we noimally peiceive Soiceieis go into those othei woilus to get
eneigy powei solutions to geneial anu paiticulai pioblems oi to face
the unimaginable
Intent is the peivasive foice that causes us to peiceive We uo not
become awaie because we peiceive iathei we peiceive as a iesult of the
piessuie anu intiusion of intent
The aim of the new seeis is to ieach a state of total awaieness in
oiuei to expeiience all the possibilities of peiception available to man
This state of awaieness even implies an alteinative way of uying
A level of piactical knowleuge was incluueu as pait of teaching the
masteiy of awaieness 0n that piactical level uon Juan taught the
pioceuuies necessaiy to move the assemblage point The two gieat
systems ueviseu by the soiceiei seeis of ancient times to accomplish this
weie uieaming the contiol anu utilization of uieams anu stalking the
contiol of behavioi
Noving ones own assemblage point was an essential maneuvei that
eveiy soiceiei hau to leain
The naguals also leaineu to move it foi otheis The naguals uislouge
otheis assemblage point fiom its customaiy position by pushing it This
push is expeiienceu as a smack on the iight shouluei blaue although the
bouy is nevei toucheu anu iesults in a state of heighteneu awaieness
In compliance with his tiauition it was exclusively in these states of
heighteneu awaieness that uon Juan caiiieu out the most impoitant anu
uiamatic pait of his teachings the instiuctions foi the left siue
Because of the extiaoiuinaiy quality of these states uon Juan
uemanueu that I not uiscuss them with otheis until we hau concluueu
eveiything in the soiceieis teaching scheme That uemanu was not
uifficult foi me to accept
In those unique states of awaieness my capabilities foi
unueistanuing the instiuction weie unbelievably enhanceu but at the
same time my capabilities foi uesciibing oi even iemembeiing them
weie impaiieu
I coulu function in those states with pioficiency anu assuieuness but
I coulu not iecollect anything about them once I ietuineu to my noimal
consciousness
It took me yeais to be able to make the ciucial conveision of my
enhanceu awaieness into plain memoiy Ny ieason anu common sense
uelayeu this moment because they weie colliuing heauon with the
pieposteious unthinkable ieality of heighteneu awaieness anu uiiect
knowleuge Foi yeais the iesulting cognitive uisaiiangement foiceu me
to avoiu the issue by not thinking about it
Whatevei I have publisheu about my soiceiy appienticeship up to
now has been a iecounting of how uon Juan taught me the masteiy of
awaieness I have not yet uesciibeu the ait of stalking oi the masteiy of
intent
Bon Juan taught me theii piinciples anu applications with the help of
two of his soiceiei companions Vicente Medrano anu Silvio Manuel
But whatevei I leaineu fiom them still iemains clouueu in what Bon
Juan calleu the intiicacies of heighteneu awaieness
0ntil now it hau been impossible foi me to wiite oi even to think
coheiently about the ait of stalking anu the masteiy of intent Ny mistake
has been to iegaiu them as subjects foi noimal memoiy anu iecollection
They aie but at the same time they aie not In oiuei to iesolve this
contiauiction I have not puisueu the subjects uiiectly a viitual
impossibility but have uealt with them inuiiectly thiough the concluuing
topic of uon Juans instiuction the stoiies of the soiceieis of the past
Be iecounteu these stoiies to make eviuent what he calleu the
abstiact coies of his lessons
Bis way of talking maue me believe foi many yeais that his
explanations of the abstiact coies weie like acauemic uisseitations I
was howevei intellectually incapable of giasping the natuie of the
abstiact coies uespite his compiehensive explanations All I was able to
uo unuei these ciicumstances was to take his explanations as given
Anu even without a thoiough iational assessment which I believeu
was essential to unueistanuing them the abstiact coies became pait of
my tacit acceptance anu unueistanuing of his teachings
I know now that the stoiies of the soiceieis of the past weie
intenueu moie to open my minu than to explain anything in a iational
mannei
Bon Juan piesenteu thiee sets of six abstiact coies each aiiangeu in
an incieasing level of complexity
I have uealt heie with the fiist set which is composeu of the
following the manifestations of the spiiit the knock of the spiiit the
tiickeiy of the spiiit the uescent of the spiiit the iequiiements of intent
anu hanuling intent
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence The Fiist Abstiact Coie
veision
The Powei of Silence by Carlos Castaneda Pait The
Nanifestations of the Spiiit
The Fiist Abstiact Coie
Bon Juan whenevei it was peitinent useu to tell me biief stoiies
about the soiceieis of his lineage especially his teachei the nagual
}ulian They weie not ieally stoiies but iathei uesciiptions of the way
those soiceieis behaveu anu of aspects of theii peisonalities These
accounts weie each uesigneu to sheu light on a specific topic in my
appienticeship
I hau heaiu the same stoiies fiom the othei fifteen membeis of uon
Juans gioup of soiceieis but none of these accounts hau been able to
give me a cleai pictuie of the people they uesciibeu Since I hau no way of
peisuauing uon Juan to give me moie uetails about those soiceieis I hau
iesigneu myself to the iuea of nevei knowing about them in any uepth
0ne afteinoon in the mountains of southein Nexico uon Juan aftei
having explaineu to me moie about the intiicacies of the masteiy of
awaieness maue a statement that completely baffleu me
I think its time foi us to talk about the soiceieis of oui past he
saiu
Bon Juan explaineu that it was necessaiy that I begin uiawing
conclusions baseu on a systematic view of the past conclusions about
both the woilu of uaily affaiis anu the soiceieis woilu
Soiceieis he saiu aie vitally conceineu with theii past But I uont
mean theii peisonal past Foi soiceieis theii past is what othei
soiceieis in bygone uays have uone Anu what we aie now going to uo is
examine that past
The aveiage man also examines the past But its mostly his peisonal
past he examines anu he uoes so foi peisonal ieasons
Soiceieis uo quite the opposite they consult theii past in oiuei to
obtain a point of iefeience
But I askeu Isnt that what eveiyone uoes Look at the past to get
a point of iefeience
No he answeieu emphatically The aveiage man measuies himself
against the past whethei his peisonal past oi the past knowleuge of his
time in oiuei to finu justifications foi his piesent oi futuie behavioi oi
to establish a mouel foi himself
0nly soiceieis genuinely seek a point of iefeience in theii past
Peihaps uon Juan things woulu be cleai to me if you tell me what a
point of iefeience foi a soiceiei is
Foi soiceieis he ieplieu establishing a point of iefeience means
getting a chance to examine intent which is exactly the aim of this final
topic of instiuction Anu nothing can give soiceieis a bettei view of
intent than examining stoiies of othei soiceieis battling to unueistanu
the same foice
Be explaineu that as they examineu theii past the soiceieis of his
lineage took caieful notice of the basic abstiact oiuei of theii knowleuge
In soiceiy theie aie twentyone abstiact coies uon Juan went on
Anu then baseu on those abstiact coies theie aie scoies of soiceiy
stoiies about the naguals of oui lineage battling to unueistanu the spiiit
Its time to tell you the abstiact coies anu the soiceiy stoiies
I waiteu foi uon Juan to begin telling me the stoiies but he changeu
the subject anu went back to explaining awaieness
Wait a minute I piotesteu What about the soiceiy stoiies Arent
you going to tell them to me
0f couise I am he saiu But they aie not stoiies that one can tell as
if they weie tales Youve got to think youi way thiough them anu then
iethink them ielive them so to speak
Theie was a long silence I became veiy cautious anu was afiaiu that
if I peisisteu in asking him again to tell me the stoiies I coulu be
committing myself to something I might latei iegiet But my cuiiosity
was gieatei than my goou sense
Well lets get on with them I cioakeu
Bon Juan obviously catching the gist of my thoughts smileu
maliciously
Be stoou anu signaleu me to follow We hau been sitting on some uiy
iocks at the bottom of a gully It was miuafteinoon The sky was uaik
anu clouuy Low almost black iain clouus hoveieu above the peaks to the
east In compaiison the high clouus maue the sky seem cleai to the
south Eailiei it hau iaineu heavily but then the iain seemeu to have
ietieateu to a hiuing place leaving behinu only a thieat
I shoulu have been chilleu to the bone because it was veiy colu but I
was waim As I clutcheu a iock uon Juan hau given me to holu I iealizeu
that this sensation of being waim in neaily fieezing weathei was familiai
to me yet it amazeu me eveiy time Whenevei I seemeu about to fieeze
uon Juan woulu give me a bianch to holu oi a stone oi he woulu put a
bunch of leaves unuei my shiit on the tip of my steinum anu that woulu
be sufficient to iaise my bouy tempeiatuie
I hau tiieu unsuccessfully to iecieate by myself the effect of his
ministiations ministiation assistance in time of uifficulty Be tolu me
it was not the ministiations that kept me waim but iathei his innei
silence The bianches oi stones oi leaves weie meiely uevices to tiap my
attention anu maintain it in focus
Noving quickly we climbeu the steep west siue of a mountain until
we ieacheu a iock leuge at the veiy top We weie in the foothills of a
highei iange of mountains Fiom the iock leuge I coulu see that fog hau
begun to move onto the south enu of the valley flooi below us Low
wispy clouus seemeu to be closing in on us too sliuing uown fiom the
blackgieen high mountain peaks to the west Aftei the iain unuei the
uaik clouuy sky the valley anu the mountains to the east anu south
appeaieu coveieu in a mantle of blackgieen silence
This is the iueal place to have a talk uon Juan saiu sitting on the
iock flooi of a concealeu shallow cave
The cave was peifect foi the two of us to sit siue by siue 0ui heaus
weie neaily touching the ioof anu oui backs fitteu snugly against the
cuiveu suiface of the iock wall It was as if the cave hau been caiveu
uelibeiately to accommouate two peisons of oui size
I noticeu anothei stiange featuie of the cave When I stoou on the
leuge I coulu see the entiie valley anu the mountain ianges to the east
anu south but when I sat uown I was boxeu in by the iocks Yet the leuge
was at the level of the cave flooi anu flat
I was about to point this stiange effect out to uon Juan but he
anticipateu me
This cave is manmaue he saiu The leuge is slanteu but the eye
doesnt iegistei the incline
Who maue this cave uon Juan
The ancient soiceieis peihaps thousanus of yeais ago Anu one of
the peculiaiities of this cave is that animals anu insects anu even people
stay away fiom it The ancient soiceieis seem to have infuseu it with an
ominous chaige that makes eveiy living thing feel ill at ease
But stiangely I felt iiiationally secuie anu happy theie A sensation
of physical contentment maue my entiie bouy tingle I actually felt the
most agieeable the most uelectable sensation in my stomach It was as if
my neives weie being tickleu
I uont feel ill at ease I commenteu
Neithei uo I he saiu Which only means that you anu I arent that
fai tempeiamentally fiom those olu soiceieis of the past something
which woiiies me no enu
I was afiaiu to puisue that subject any fuithei so I waiteu foi him to
talk
The fiist soiceiy stoiy I am going to tell you is calleu The
Nanifestations of the Spiiit uon Juan began but uont let the title
mystify you The manifestations manifestation a cleai appeaiance as
of a uisembouieu spiiit expiesseu without woius of the spiiit is only the
fiist abstiact coie aiounu which the fiist soiceiy stoiy is built
That fiist abstiact coie is a stoiy in itself he went on The stoiy
says that once upon a time theie was a man an aveiage man without any
special attiibutes Be was like eveiyone else a conuuit foi the spiiit Anu
by viitue of that like eveiyone else he was pait of the spiiit pait of the
abstiact But he didnt know it The woilu kept him so busy that he hau
neithei the time noi the inclination ieally to examine the mattei
The spiiit tiieu uselessly to ieveal theii connection 0sing an innei
voice the spiiit uiscloseu its seciets but the man was incapable of
unueistanuing the ievelations Natuially he heaiu the innei voice but he
believeu it to be his own feelings he was feeling anu his own thoughts he
was thinking
The spiiit in oiuei to shake him out of his slumbei gave him thiee
signs thiee successive manifestations The spiiit physically ciosseu the
mans path in the most obvious mannei But the man was oblivious to
anything but his selfconcein
Bon Juan stoppeu anu lookeu at me as he uiu whenevei he was
waiting foi my comments anu questions I hau nothing to say I uiu not
unueistanu the point he was tiying to make
Ive just tolu you the fiist abstiact coie he continueu The spiiit in
oiuei to shake him out of his slumbei gave him thiee signs thiee
successive manifestations The spiiit physically ciosseu the mans path in
the most obvious mannei But the man was oblivious to anything but his
selfconcein Anu tiickeiy became the essence of the soiceieis path But
that is anothei stoiy
Bon Juan explaineu that soiceieis unueistoou this abstiact coie to be
a bluepiint foi events oi a iecuiient pattein that appeaieu eveiy time
intent was giving an inuication of something meaningful Abstiact coies
then weie bluepiints of complete chains of events
Be assuieu me that by means beyonu compiehension eveiy uetail of
eveiy abstiact coie has reoccuiieu to eveiy appientice nagual Be
fuithei assuieu me that he hau helpeu intent to involve me in all the
abstiact coies of soiceiy in the same mannei that his benefactoi the
nagual }ulian anu all the naguals befoie him hau involveu theii
appientices The piocess by which each appientice nagual encounteieu
the abstiact coies cieateu a seiies of accounts woven aiounu those
abstiact coies incoipoiating the paiticulai uetails of each appientices
peisonality anu ciicumstances
Be saiu foi example that I hau my own stoiy about the
manifestations of the spiiit Be hau his Bis benefactoi hau his own So
hau the nagual that pieceueu him anu so on anu so foith
What is my stoiy about the manifestations of the spiiit I askeu
somewhat mystifieu
If any waiiioi is awaie of his stoiies its you he ieplieu Aftei all
youve been wiiting about them foi yeais But you didnt notice the
abstiact coies because you aie a piactical man You uo eveiything only
foi the puipose of enhancing youi piacticality Although you hanuleu
youi stoiies to exhaustion you hau no iuea that theie was an abstiact
coie in them
Eveiything Ive uone appeais to you theiefoie as an oftenwhimsical
piactical activity teaching soiceiy to a ieluctant anu most of the time
stupiu appientice As long as you see it in those teims the abstiact coies
will eluue you
You must foigive me uon Juan I saiu but youi statements aie
veiy confusing What aie you saying
Im tiying to intiouuce the soiceiy stoiies as a subject he ieplieu
Ive nevei talkeu to you specifically about this topic because
tiauitionally its left hiuuen It is the spiiits last aitifice aitifice a
ueceptive manoeuvie especially to avoiu captuie It is saiu that when
the appientice unueistanus the abstiact coies its like the placing of the
stone that caps anu seals a pyiamiu
It was getting uaik anu it lookeu as though it was about to iain again
I woiiieu that if the winu blew fiom east to west while it was iaining we
weie going to get soakeu in that cave I was suie uon Juan was awaie of
that but he seemeu to ignoie it
It wont iain again until tomoiiow moining he saiu
Beaiing my innei thoughts being answeieu maue me jump
involuntaiily anu hit the top of my heau on the cave ioof It was a thuu
that sounueu woise than it felt
Bon Juan helu his siues laughing Aftei a while my heau ieally began
to huit anu I hau to massage it
Youi company is as enjoyable to me as mine must have been to my
benefactoi he saiu anu began to laugh again
We weie quiet foi a few minutes The silence aiounu me was
ominous ominous thieatening oi foieshauowing evil oi tiagic
uevelopments I fancieu that I coulu heai the iustling of the low clouus as
they uescenueu on us fiom the highei mountains Then I iealizeu that
what I was heaiing was the soft winu Fiom my position in the shallow
cave it sounueu like the whispeiing of human voices
I hau the incieuible goou luck to be taught by two naguals uon
Juan saiu anu bioke the mesmeiic giip the winu hau on me at that
moment 0ne was of couise my benefactoi the nagual }ulian anu the
othei was his benefactoi the nagual Elias Ny case was unique
Why was youi case unique I askeu
Because foi geneiations he explaineu naguals have gatheieu
theii appientices yeais aftei theii own teacheis have left the woilu
except my benefactoi
I became the nagual }ulians appientice eight yeais befoie his
benefactoi left the woilu I hau eight yeais giace It was the luckiest
thing that coulu have happeneu to me because I hau the oppoitunity to
be taught by two opposite tempeiaments It was like being ieaieu by a
poweiful fathei anu an even moie poweiful gianufathei who uont see
eye to eye In such a contest the gianufathei always wins
So Im piopeily the piouuct of the nagual Eliass teachings I was
closei to him not only in tempeiament but also in looks Id say that I
owe him my fine tuning Bowevei the bulk of the woik that went into
tuining me fiom a miseiable being into an impeccable waiiioi I owe to
my benefactoi the nagual }ulian
What was the nagual }ulian like physically I askeu
Bo you know that to this uay its haiu foi me to visualize him uon
Juan saiu I know that sounus absuiu but uepenuing on his neeus oi the
ciicumstances he coulu be eithei young oi olu hanusome oi homely
effete effete maikeu by excessive selfinuulgence anu moial uecay
anu weak oi stiong anu viiile viiile chaiacteiizeu by eneigy anu
vigoui fat oi slenuei of meuium height oi extiemely shoit
Bo you mean he was an actoi acting out uiffeient ioles with the aiu
of piops
No theie weie no piops involveu anu he was not meiely an actoi
Be was of couise a gieat actoi in his own iight but that is uiffeient The
point is that he was capable of tiansfoiming himself anu becoming all
those uiametiically opposeu peisons Being a gieat actoi enableu him to
poitiay all the minute peculiaiities of behavioi that maue each specific
being ieal Let us say that he was at ease in eveiy change of being As you
aie at ease in eveiy change of clothes
Eageily I askeu uon Juan to tell me moie about his benefactois
tiansfoimations Be saiu that someone taught him how to elicit those
tiansfoimations but that to explain any fuithei woulu foice him to
oveilap into uiffeient stoiies
What uiu the nagual }ulian look like when he wasnt tiansfoiming
himself I askeu
Lets say that befoie he became a nagual he was veiy slim anu
musculai uon Juan saiu Bis haii was black thick anu wavy Be hau a
long fine nose stiong big white teeth an oval face stiong jaw anu shiny
uaikbiown eyes Be was about five feet eight inches tall Be was not
Inuian oi even a biown Nexican but he was not Anglo white eithei In
fact his complexion seemeu to be like no one elses especially in his latei
yeais when his eveichanging complexion shifteu constantly fiom uaik to
veiy light anu back again to uaik When I fiist met him he was a light
biown olu man then as time went by he became a lightskinneu young
man peihaps only a few yeais oluei than me I was twenty at that time
But if the changes of his outei appeaiance weie astonishing uon
Juan went on the changes of moou anu behavioi that accompanieu each
tiansfoimation weie even moie astonishing Foi example when he was a
fat young man he was jolly anu sensual When he was a skinny olu man
he was petty anu vinuictive When he was a fat olu man he was the
gieatest imbecile theie was
Was he evei himself I askeu
Be ieplieu Not the way I am myself Since Im not inteiesteu in
tiansfoimation I am always the same But he was not like me at all Bon
Juan lookeu at me as if he weie assessing my innei stiength Be smileu
shook his heau fiom siue to siue anu bioke into a belly laugh
Whats so funny uon Juan I askeu
The fact is that youre still too piuuish anu stiff to appieciate fully
the natuie of my benefactois tiansfoimations anu theii total scope he
saiu I only hope that when I tell you about them you uont become
moibiuly obsesseu
Foi some ieason I suuuenly became quite uncomfoitable anu hau to
change the subject
Why aie the naguals calleu benefactois anu not simply teacheis I
askeu neivously
Calling a nagual a benefactoi is a gestuie his appientices make uon
Juan saiu A nagual cieates an oveiwhelming feeling of giatituue in his
uisciples Aftei all a nagual molus them anu guiues them thiough
unimaginable aieas
I iemaikeu that to teach was in my opinion the gieatest most
altiuistic act anyone coulu peifoim foi anothei
Foi you teaching is talking about patteins he saiu Foi a soiceiei
to teach is what a nagual uoes foi his appientices Foi them he taps the
pievailing foice in the univeise intent the foice that changes anu
ieoiueis things oi keeps them as they aie
The nagual foimulates then guiues the consequences that that foice
can have on his uisciples Without the naguals moluing intent theie
woulu be no awe no wonuei foi them Anu his appientices insteau of
embaiking on a magical jouiney of uiscoveiy woulu only be leaining a
tiaue healei soiceiei uivinei chailatan oi whatevei
Can you explain intent to me I askeu
The only way to know intent he ieplieu is to know it uiiectly
thiough a living connection that exists between intent anu all sentient
beings Soiceieis call intent the inuesciibable the spiiit the abstiact oi
the nagual I woulu piefei to call it nagual but it oveilaps with the name
foi the leauei the benefactoi who is also calleu nagual So I have opteu
foi calling it the spiiit intent oi the abstiact
Bon Juan stoppeu abiuptly anu iecommenueu that I keep quiet anu
think about what he hau tolu me By then it was veiy uaik The silence
was so piofounu that insteau of lulling me into a iestful state it agitateu
me I coulu not maintain oiuei in my thoughts I tiieu to focus my
attention on the stoiy he hau tolu me but insteau I thought of eveiything
else until finally I fell asleep
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence The Impeccability of the
Nagual El as
veision
Nanifestations of the Spiiit
The Impeccability of the Nagual El as
I hau no way of telling how long I slept in that cave Bon Juans voice
staitleu me anu I awoke Be was saying that the fiist soiceiy stoiy
conceining the manifestations of the spiiit was an account of the
ielationship between intent anu the nagual It was the stoiy of how the
spiiit set up a luie foi the nagual a piospective uisciple anu of how the
nagual hau to evaluate the luie befoie making his uecision eithei to
accept oi ieject it
It was veiy uaik in the cave anu the small space was confining
0iuinaiily an aiea of that size woulu have maue me claustiophobic but
the cave kept soothing me uispelling my feelings of annoyance Also
something in the configuiation of the cave absoibeu the echoes of uon
Juans woius
Bon Juan explaineu that eveiy act peifoimeu by soiceieis especially
by the naguals was eithei peifoimeu as a way to stiengthen theii link
with intent oi as a iesponse tiiggeieu by the link itself Soiceieis anu
specifically the naguals theiefoie hau to be actively anu peimanently on
the lookout foi manifestations of the spiiit Such manifestations weie
calleu gestuies of the spiiit oi moie simply inuications oi omens
Be iepeateu a stoiy he hau alieauy tolu me the stoiy of how he hau
met his benefactoi the nagual }ulian
Bon Juan hau been cajoleu by two ciookeu men to take a job on an
isolateu hacienua 0ne of the men the foieman of the hacienua simply
took possession of uon Juan anu in effect maue him a slave
Bespeiate anu with no othei couise of action uon Juan escapeu The
violent foieman chaseu him anu caught him on a countiy ioau wheie he
shot uon Juan in the chest anu left him foi ueau
Bon Juan was lying unconscious in the ioau bleeuing to ueath when
the nagual }ulian came along 0sing his healeis knowleuge he stoppeu
the bleeuing took uon Juan who was still unconscious to his home anu
cuieu him
The inuications the spiiit gave the nagual }ulian about uon Juan
weie fiist a small cyclone that lifteu a cone of uust on the ioau a couple
of yaius fiom wheie he lay
The seconu omen was the thought which hau ciosseu the nagual
}ulians minu an instant befoie he hau heaiu the iepoit of the gun a few
yaius away that it was time to have an appientice nagual
Noments latei the spiiit gave him the thiiu omen when he ian to
take covei Be colliueu with the gunman putting him to flight peihaps
pieventing the foieman fiom shooting uon Juan a seconu time A
collision with someone was the type of blunuei which no soiceiei much
less a nagual shoulu evei make
The nagual }ulian immeuiately evaluateu the oppoitunity When he
saw uon Juan he unueistoou the ieason foi the spiiits manifestation
Beie was a uouble man a peifect canuiuate to be his appientice nagual
This biought up a nagging iational concein foi me I wanteu to know
if soiceieis coulu inteipiet an omen eiioneously
Bon Juan ieplieu that although my question sounueu peifectly
legitimate it was inapplicable like the majoiity of my questions because
I askeu them baseu on my expeiiences in the woilu of eveiyuay life Thus
they weie always about testeu pioceuuies steps to be followeu anu
iules of meticulousness but hau nothing to uo with the piemises of
soiceiy Be pointeu out that the flaw in my ieasoning was that I always
faileu to incluue my expeiiences in the soiceieis woilu
I aigueu that veiy few of my expeiiences in the soiceieis woilu hau
continuity anu theiefoie I coulu not make use of those expeiiences in my
piesent uaytouay life veiy few times anu only when I was in states of
piofounu heighteneu awaieness hau I iemembeieu eveiything At the
level of heighteneu awaieness I usually ieacheu the only expeiience that
hau continuity between past anu piesent was that of knowing him
Be iesponueu cuttingly that I was peifectly capable of engaging in
soiceieis ieasonings because I hau expeiienceu the soiceiy piemises in
my noimal state of awaieness In a moie mellow tone he auueu that
heighteneu awaieness uiu not ieveal eveiything until the whole euifice
euifice a stiuctuie that stanus moie oi less peimanently in one place of
soiceiy knowleuge was completeu
Then he answeieu my question about whethei oi not soiceieis coulu
misinteipiet omens Be explaineu that when a soiceiei inteipieteu an
omen he knew its exact meaning without having any notion of how he
knew it This was one of the bewilueiing effects of the connecting link
with intent Soiceieis hau a sense of knowing things uiiectly Bow suie
they weie uepenueu on the stiength anu claiity of theii connecting link
Be saiu that the feeling eveiyone knows as intuition is the activation
of oui link with intent Anu since soiceieis uelibeiately puisue the
unueistanuing anu stiengthening of that link it coulu be saiu that they
intuit eveiything uneiiingly anu accuiately Reauing omens is
commonplace foi soiceieis Nistakes happen only when peisonal
feelings inteivene anu clouu the soiceieis connecting link with intent
0theiwise theii uiiect knowleuge is totally accuiate anu functional
We iemaineu quiet foi a while
All of a suuuen he saiu I am going to tell you a stoiy about the
nagual Elias anu the manifestation of the spiiit The spiiit manifests
itself to a soiceiei especially to a nagual at eveiy tuin Bowevei this is
not the entiie tiuth The entiie tiuth is that the spiiit ieveals itself to
eveiyone with the same intensity anu consistency but only soiceieis
anu naguals in paiticulai aie attuneu to such ievelations
Bon Juan began his stoiy Be saiu that the nagual Elias hau been
iiuing his hoise to the city one uay taking himself thiough a shoitcut by
some coinfielus when suuuenly his hoise shieu fiighteneu by the low
fast sweep of a falcon that misseu the naguals stiaw hat by only a few
inches
The nagual immeuiately uismounteu anu began to look aiounu Be
saw a stiange young man among the tall uiy cornstalks The man was
uiesseu in an expensive uaik suit anu appeaieu alien theie The nagual
Elias was useu to the sight of peasants oi lanuowneis in the fielus but he
hau nevei seen an elegantly uiesseu city man moving thiough the fielus
with appaient uisiegaiu foi his expensive shoes anu clothes
The nagual tetheieu his hoise anu walkeu towaiu the young man Be
iecognizeu the flight of the falcon as well as the mans appaiel as
obvious manifestations of the spiiit which he coulu not uisiegaiu Be got
veiy close to the young man anu saw what was going on The man was
chasing a peasant woman who was iunning a few yaius aheau of him
uouging anu laughing with him
The contiauiction was quite appaient to the nagual The two people
cavoiting in the coinfielu uiu not belong togethei The nagual thought
that the man must be the lanuowneis son anu the woman a seivant in
the house Be felt embaiiasseu to be obseiving them anu was about to
tuin anu leave when the falcon again swept ovei the coinfielu anu this
time biusheu the young mans heau The falcon alaimeu the couple anu
they stoppeu anu lookeu up tiying to anticipate anothei sweep The
nagual noticeu that the man was thin anu hanusome anu hau haunting
iestless eyes
Then the couple became boieu watching foi the falcon anu ietuineu
to theii play The man caught the woman embiaceu hei anu gently laiu
hei on the giounu But insteau of tiying to make love to hei as the
nagual assumeu he woulu uo next he iemoveu his own clothes anu
paiaueu nakeu in fiont of the woman
She uiu not shyly close hei eyes oi scieam with embaiiassment oi
fiight She giggleu mesmeiizeu by the piancing nakeu man who moveu
aiounu hei like a satyi making lewu gestuies anu laughing Finally
appaiently oveipoweieu by the sight she utteieu a wilu ciy iose anu
thiew heiself into the young mans aims
Bon Juan saiu that the nagual Elias confesseu to him that the
inuications of the spiiit on that occasion hau been most baffling It was
cleaily eviuent that the man was insane 0theiwise knowing how
piotective peasants weie of theii women he woulu not have consiueieu
seuucing a young peasant woman in bioau uaylight a few yaius fiom the
ioau anu nakeu to boot
Bon Juan bioke into a laugh anu tolu me that in those uays to take off
ones clothes anu engage in a sexual act in bioau uaylight in such a place
meant one hau to be eithei insane oi blesseu by the spiiit Be auueu that
what the man hau uone might not seem iemaikable nowauays But back
then neaily a hunuieu yeais ago people weie infinitely moie inhibiteu
All of this convinceu the nagual Elias fiom the moment he laiu eyes
on the man that he was both insane anu blesseu by the spiiit Be woiiieu
that peasants might happen by become eniageu anu lynch the man on
the spot But no one uiu It felt to the nagual as if time hau been
suspenueu
When the man finisheu making love he put on his clothes took out a
hanukeichief meticulously uusteu his shoes anu all the while making
wilu piomises to the giil went on his way The nagual Elias followeu
him In fact he followeu him foi seveial uays anu founu out that his name
was }ulian anu that he was an actoi
Subsequently the nagual saw him on the stage often enough to
iealize that the actoi hau a gieat ueal of chaiisma The auuience
especially the women loveu him Anu he hau no sciuples about making
use of his chaiismatic gifts to seuuce female aumiieis As the nagual
followeu the actoi he was able to witness his seuuction technique moie
than once It entaileu showing himself nakeu to his auoiing fans as soon
as he got them alone then waiting until the women stunneu by his
uisplay suiienueieu The technique seemeu extiemely effective foi him
The nagual hau to aumit that the actoi was a gieat success except on
one count Be was moitally ill The nagual hau seen the black shauow of
ueath that followeu him eveiywheie
Bon Juan explaineu again something he hau tolu me yeais befoie
that oui ueath was a black spot iight behinu the left shouluei Be saiu
that soiceieis knew when a peison was close to uying because they
coulu see the uaik spot which became a moving shauow the exact size
anu shape of the peison to whom it belongeu
As he iecognizeu the imminent piesence of ueath the nagual was
plungeu into a numbing peiplexity Be wonueieu why the spiiit was
singling out such a sick peison Be hau been taught that in a natuial state
ieplacement not iepaii pievaileu Anu the nagual uoubteu that he hau
the ability oi the stiength to heal this young man oi iesist the black
shauow of his ueath Be even uoubteu if he woulu be able to uiscovei
why the spiiit hau involveu him in a uisplay of such obvious waste
The nagual coulu uo nothing but stay with the actoi follow him
aiounu anu wait foi the oppoitunity to see in gieatei uepth Bon Juan
explaineu that a naguals fiist ieaction upon being faceu with the
manifestations of the spiiit is to see the peisons involveu The nagual
Elias hau been meticulous about seeing the man the moment he laiu eyes
on him Be hau also seen the peasant woman who was pait of the spiiits
manifestation but he hau seen nothing that in his juugment coulu have
waiianteu the spiiits uisplay
In the couise of witnessing anothei seuuction howevei the naguals
ability to see took on a new uepth This time the actois auoiing fan was
the uaughtei of a iich lanuownei Anu fiom the stait she was in complete
contiol The nagual founu out about theii ienuezvous because he
oveiheaiu hei uaiing the actoi to meet hei the next uay The nagual was
hiuing acioss the stieet at uawn when the young woman left hei house
anu insteau of going to eaily mass she went to join the actoi The actoi
was waiting foi hei anu she coaxeu him into following hei to the open
fielus Be appeaieu to hesitate but she taunteu him anu woulu not allow
him to withuiaw
As the nagual watcheu them sneaking away he hau an absolute
conviction that something was going to happen on that uay which neithei
of the playeis was anticipating Be saw that the actois black shauow hau
giown to almost twice his height The nagual ueuuceu fiom the
mysteiious haiu look in the young womans eyes that she too hau felt the
black shauow of ueath at an intuitive level The actoi seemeu
pieoccupieu Be uiu not laugh as he hau on othei occasions
They walkeu quite a uistance At one point they spotteu the nagual
following them but he instantly pietenueu to be woiking the lanu as a
peasant who belongeu theie That maue the couple ielax anu alloweu the
nagual to come closei
Then the moment came when the actoi tosseu off his clothes anu
showeu himself to the giil But insteau of swooning anu falling into his
aims as his othei conquests hau this giil began to hit him She kickeu anu
puncheu him meicilessly anu steppeu on his baie toes making him ciy
out with pain
The nagual knew the man hau not thieateneu oi haimeu the young
woman Be hau not laiu a fingei on hei She was the only one fighting Be
was meiely tiying to paiiy the blows anu peisistently but without
enthusiasm tiying to entice hei by showing hei his genitals
The nagual was filleu with both ievulsion anu aumiiation Be coulu
peiceive that the actoi was an iiieueemable libeitine but he coulu also
peiceive equally easily that theie was something unique although
ievolting about him It baffleu the nagual to see that the mans
connecting link with the spiiit was extiaoiuinaiily cleai
Finally the attack enueu The woman stoppeu beating the actoi But
then insteau of iunning away she suiienueieu lay uown anu tolu the
actoi he coulu now have his way with hei
The nagual obseiveu that the man was so exhausteu he was
piactically unconscious Yet uespite his fatigue he went iight aheau anu
consummateu his seuuction
The nagual was laughing anu ponueiing that useless mans gieat
stamina anu ueteimination when the woman scieameu anu the actoi
began to gasp The nagual saw how the black shauow stiuck the actoi It
went like a uaggei with pinpoint accuiacy into his gap
Bon Juan maue a uigiession at this point to elaboiate on something
he hau explaineu befoie Be hau uesciibeu the gap an opening in oui
luminous shell at the height of the navel wheie the foice of ueath
ceaselessly stiuck What uon Juan now explaineu was that when ueath
hit healthy beings it was with a balllike blow like the punch of a fist But
when beings weie uying ueath stiuck them with a uaggeilike thiust
Thus the nagual Elias knew without any question that the actoi was
as goou as ueau anu his ueath automatically finisheu his own inteiest in
the spiiits uesigns Theie weie no uesigns left Beath hau leveleu
eveiything
Be iose fiom his hiuing place anu staiteu to leave when something
maue him hesitate It was the young womans calmness She was
nonchalantly putting on the few pieces of clothing she hau taken off anu
was whistling tunelessly as if nothing hau happeneu
Anu then the nagual saw that in ielaxing to accept the piesence of
ueath the mans bouy hau ieleaseu a piotecting veil anu ievealeu his
tiue natuie Be was a uouble man of tiemenuous iesouices capable of
cieating a scieen foi piotection oi uisguise a natuial soiceiei anu a
peifect canuiuate foi a nagual appientice hau it not been foi the black
shauow of ueath
The nagual was completely taken aback by that sight Be now
unueistoou the uesigns of the spiiit but faileu to compiehenu how such a
useless man coulu fit in the soiceieis scheme of things
The woman in the meantime hau stoou up anu without so much as a
glance at the man whose bouy was contoiting with ueath spasms
walkeu away
The nagual then saw hei luminosity anu iealizeu that hei extieme
aggiessiveness was the iesult of an enoimous flow of supeifluous eneigy
Be became convinceu that if she uiu not put that eneigy to sobei use it
woulu get the best of hei anu theie was no telling what misfoitunes it
woulu cause hei
As the nagual watcheu the unconcein with which she walkeu away
he iealizeu that the spiiit hau given him anothei manifestation Be
neeueu to be calm nonchalant Be neeueu to act as if he hau nothing to
lose anu inteivene foi the hell of it In tiue nagual fashion he ueciueu to
tackle the impossible with no one except the spiiit as witness
Bon Juan commenteu that it took inciuents like this to test whethei a
nagual is the ieal thing oi a fake Naguals make uecisions With no
iegaiu foi the consequences they take action oi choose not to
Imposters ponuei anu become paialyzeu The nagual Elias having maue
his uecision walkeu calmly to the siue of the uying man anu uiu the fiist
thing his bouy not his minu compelleu him to uo he stiuck the mans
assemblage point to cause him to entei into heighteneu awaieness Be
stiuck him fiantically again anu again until his assemblage point moveu
Aiueu by the foice of ueath itself the naguals blows sent the mans
assemblage point to a place wheie ueath no longei matteieu anu theie
he stoppeu uying
By the time the actoi was bieathing again the nagual hau become
awaie of the magnituue of his iesponsibility If the man was to fenu off
the foice of his ueath it woulu be necessaiy foi him to iemain in ueep
heighteneu awaieness until ueath hau been iepelleu The mans
auvanceu physical ueteiioiation meant he coulu not be moveu fiom the
spot oi he woulu instantly uie The nagual uiu the only thing possible
unuei the ciicumstances Be built a shack aiounu the bouy Theie foi
thiee months he nuiseu the totally immobilizeu man
Ny iational thoughts took ovei anu insteau of just listening I wanteu
to know how the nagual Elias coulu builu a shack on someone elses
lanu I was awaie of the iuial peoples passion about lanu owneiship anu
its accompanying feelings of teiiitoiiality
Bon Juan aumitteu that he hau askeu the same question himself Anu
the nagual Elias hau saiu that the spiiit itself hau maue it possible This
was the case with eveiything a nagual unueitook pioviuing he followeu
the spiiits manifestations
The fiist thing the nagual Elias uiu when the actoi was bieathing
again was to iun aftei the young woman She was an impoitant pait of
the spiiits manifestation Be caught up with hei not too fai fiom the spot
wheie the actoi lay baiely alive Rathei than talking to hei about the
mans plight anu tiying to convince hei to help him he again assumeu
total iesponsibility foi his actions anu jumpeu on hei like a lion stiiking
hei assemblage point a mighty blow Both she anu the actoi weie capable
of sustaining life oi ueath blows Bei assemblage point moveu but began
to shift eiiatically once it was loose
The nagual caiiieu the young woman to wheie the actoi lay Then he
spent the entiie uay tiying to keep hei fiom losing hei minu anu the man
fiom losing his life When he was faiily ceitain he hau a uegiee of contiol
he went to the womans fathei anu tolu him that lightning must have
stiuck his uaughtei anu maue hei tempoiaiily mau Be took the fathei to
wheie she lay anu saiu that the young man whoevei he was hau taken
the whole chaige of the lightning with his bouy thus saving the giil fiom
ceitain ueath but injuiing himself to the point that he coulu not be
moveu
The giateful fathei helpeu the nagual builu the shack foi the man
who hau saveu his uaughtei Anu in thiee months the nagual
accomplisheu the impossible Be healeu the young man
When the time came foi the nagual to leave his sense of
iesponsibility anu his uuty iequiieu him both to wain the young woman
about hei excess eneigy anu the injuiious consequences it woulu have on
hei life anu well being anu to ask hei to join the soiceieis woilu as that
woulu be the only uefense against hei selfuestiuctive stiength
The woman uiu not iesponu Anu the nagual Elias was obligeu to tell
hei what eveiy nagual has saiu to a piospective appientice thioughout
the ages that soiceieis speak of soiceiy as a magical mysteiious biiu
which has pauseu in its flight foi a moment in oiuei to give man hope
anu puipose that soiceieis live unuei the wing of that biiu which they
call the biiu of wisuom the biiu of fieeuom that they nouiish it with
theii ueuication anu impeccability Be tolu hei that soiceieis knew the
flight of the biiu of fieeuom was always a stiaight line It hau no way of
making a loop no way of ciicling back anu ietuining anu that the biiu of
fieeuom coulu uo only two things take soiceieis along oi leave them
behinu
The nagual Elias coulu not talk to the young actoi who was still
moitally ill in the same way The young man uiu not have much of a
choice Still the nagual tolu him that if he wanteu to be cuieu he woulu
have to follow the nagual unconuitionally The actoi accepteu the teims
instantly
The uay the nagual Elias anu the actoi staiteu back home the young
woman was waiting silently at the euge of town She caiiieu no suitcases
not even a basket She seemeu to have come meiely to see them off
The nagual kept walking without looking at hei but the actoi being
caiiieu on a stietchei stiaineu to say gooubye to hei She laugheu anu
woiulessly meigeu into the naguals paity She hau no uoubts anu no
pioblem about leaving eveiything behinu She hau unueistoou peifectly
that theie was no seconu chance foi hei that the biiu of fieeuom eithei
took soiceieis along oi left them behinu
Bon Juan commenteu that that was not suipiising The foice of the
naguals peisonality was always so oveiwhelming that he was piactically
iiiesistible anu the nagual Elias hau affecteu those two people ueeply
Be hau hau thiee months of uaily inteiaction to accustom them to his
consistency his uetachment anu his objectivity They hau become
enchanteu by his sobiiety anu above all by his total ueuication to them
Thiough his example anu his actions the nagual Elias hau given them a
sustaineu view of the soiceieis woilu suppoitive anu nuituiing yet
utteily uemanuing It was a woilu that aumitteu veiy few mistakes
Bon Juan ieminueu me then of something he hau iepeateu to me
often but which I hau always manageu not to think about Be saiu that I
shoulu not foiget even foi an instant that the biiu of fieeuom hau veiy
little patience with inuecision anu when it flew away it nevei ietuineu
The chilling iesonance of his voice maue the suiiounuings which
only a seconu befoie hau been peacefully uaik buist with immeuiacy
Bon Juan summoneu the peaceful uaikness back as fast as he hau
summoneu uigency Be puncheu me lightly on the aim
That woman was so poweiful that she coulu uance ciicles aiounu
anyone he saiu Bei name was Talia
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence The Abstiact
veision
Knock of the Spiiit
The Abstiact
We ietuineu to uon Juans house in the eaily houis of the moining It
took us a long time to climb uown the mountain mainly because I was
afiaiu of stumbling into a piecipice in the uaik anu uon Juan hau to keep
stopping to catch the bieath he lost laughing at me
I was ueau tiieu but I coulu not fall asleep Befoie noon it began to
iain The sounu of the heavy uownpoui on the tile ioof insteau of making
me feel uiowsy iemoveu eveiy tiace of sleepiness
I got up anu went to look foi uon Juan I founu him uozing in a chaii
The moment I appioacheu him he was wiueawake I saiu goou moining
You seem to be having no tiouble falling asleep I commenteu
When you have been afiaiu oi upset uont lie uown to sleep he saiu
without looking at me Sleep sitting up on a soft chaii as Im uoing
Be hau suggesteu once that if I wanteu to give my bouy healing iest I
shoulu take long naps lying on my stomach with my face tuineu to the
left anu my feet ovei the foot of the beu In oiuei to avoiu being colu he
iecommenueu I put a soft pillow ovei my shoulueis away fiom my neck
anu weai heavy socks oi just leave my shoes on
When I fiist heaiu his suggestion I thought he was being funny but I
latei changeu my minu Sleeping in that position helpeu me iest
extiaoiuinaiily well When I commenteu on the suipiising iesults he
auviseu that I follow his suggestions to the lettei without botheiing to
believe oi uisbelieve him
I suggesteu to uon Juan that he might have tolu me the night befoie
about the sleeping in a sitting position I explaineu to him that the cause
of my sleeplessness besiues my extieme fatigue was a stiange concein
about what he hau tolu me in the soiceieis cave
Cut it out he exclaimeu Youve seen anu heaiu infinitely moie
uistiessing things without losing a moments sleep Something else is
botheiing you
Foi a moment I thought he meant I was not being tiuthful with him
about my ieal pieoccupation I began to explain but he kept talking as if I
hau not spoken
You stateu categoiically last night that the cave didnt make you feel
ill at ease he saiu Well it obviously uiu Last night I didnt puisue the
subject of the cave any fuithei because I was waiting to obseive youi
ieaction
Bon Juan explaineu that the cave hau been uesigneu by soiceieis in
ancient times to seive as a catalyst Its shape hau been caiefully
constiucteu to accommouate two people as two fielus of eneigy The
theoiy of the soiceieis was that the natuie of the iock anu the mannei in
which it hau been caiveu alloweu the two bouies the two luminous balls
to inteitwine theii eneigy
I took you to that cave on puipose he continueu not because I like
the place I uont but because it was cieateu as an instiument to push
the appientice ueep into heighteneu awaieness But unfoitunately as it
helps it also obscuies issues The ancient soiceieis weie not given to
thought They leaneu towaiu action
You always say that youi benefactoi was like that I saiu
Thats my own exaggeiation he answeieu veiy much like when I
say youre a fool Ny benefactoi was a mouein nagual involveu in the
puisuit of fieeuom but he leaneu towaiu action insteau of thoughts
Youre a mouein nagual involveu in the same quest but you lean heavily
towaiu the abeiiations of ieason
Be must have thought his compaiison was veiy funny his laughtei
echoeu in the empty ioom
When I biought the conveisation back to the subject of the cave he
pietenueu not to heai me I knew he was pietenuing because of the glint
in his eyes anu the way he smileu
Last night I uelibeiately tolu you the fiist abstiact coie he saiu in
the hope that by ieflecting on the way I have acteu with you ovei the
yeais youll get an iuea about the othei coies Youve been with me foi a
long time so you know me veiy well Buiing eveiy minute of oui
association I have tiieu to aujust my actions anu thoughts to the patteins
of the abstiact coies
The nagual Eliass stoiy is anothei mattei Although it seems to be a
stoiy about people it is ieally a stoiy about intent Intent cieates euifices
euifice a stiuctuie that has a ioof anu walls stanus moie oi less
peimanently in one place befoie us anu invites us to entei them This is
the way soiceieis unueistanu what is happening aiounu them
Bon Juan ieminueu me that I hau always insisteu on tiying to
uiscovei the unueilying oiuei in eveiything he saiu to me I thought he
was ciiticizing me foi my attempt to tuin whatevei he was teaching me
into a social science pioblem I began to tell him that my outlook hau
changeu unuei his influence Be stoppeu me anu smileu
You ieally uont think too well he saiu anu sigheu I want you to
unueistanu the unueilying oiuei of what I teach you Ny objection is to
what you think is the unueilying oiuei To you it means seciet
pioceuuies oi a hiuuen consistency To me it means two things both the
euifice that intent manufactuies in the blink of an eye anu places in fiont
of us to entei anu the signs it gives us so we wont get lost once we aie
insiue
As you can see the stoiy of the nagual Elias was moie than meiely
an account of the sequential uetails that maue up the event he went on
0nueineath all that was the euifice of intent Anu the stoiy was meant to
give you an iuea of what the naguals of the past weie like so that you
woulu iecognize how they acteu in oiuei to aujust theii thoughts anu
actions to the euifices of intent
Theie was a piolongeu silence I uiu not have anything to say Rathei
than let the conveisation uie I saiu the fiist thing that came into my
minu I saiu that fiom the stoiies I hau heaiu about the nagual Elias I
hau foimeu a veiy positive opinion of him I likeu the nagual Elias but
foi unknown ieasons eveiything uon Juan hau tolu me about the nagual
}ulian botheieu me
The meie mention of my uiscomfoit uelighteu uon Juan beyonu
measuie Be hau to stanu up fiom his chaii lest he choke on his laughtei
Be put his aim on my shouluei anu saiu that we eithei loveu oi hateu
those who weie ieflections of ouiselves
Again a silly selfconsciousness pieventeu me fiom asking him what
he meant Bon Juan kept on laughing obviously awaie of my moou Be
finally commenteu that the nagual }ulian was like a chilu whose sobiiety
anu moueiation came always fiom without Be hau no innei uiscipline
beyonu his tiaining as an appientice in soiceiy
I hau an iiiational uige to uefenu myself I tolu uon Juan that my
uiscipline came fiom within me
0f couise he saiu pationizingly You just cant expect to be exactly
like him Anu began to laugh again
Sometimes uon Juan exaspeiateu me so that I was ieauy to yell But
my moou uiu not last It uissipateu so iapiuly that anothei concein began
to loom I askeu uon Juan if it was possible that I hau enteieu into
heighteneu awaieness without being conscious of it 0i maybe I hau
iemaineu in it foi uays
At this stage you entei into heighteneu awaieness all by youiself he
saiu Beighteneu awaieness is a mysteiy only foi oui ieason In piactice
its veiy simple As with eveiything else we complicate matteis by tiying
to make the immensity that suiiounus us ieasonable
Be iemaikeu that I shoulu be thinking about the abstiact coie he hau
given me insteau of aiguing uselessly about my peison
I tolu him that I hau been thinking about it all moining anu hau come
to iealize that the metaphoiical theme of the stoiy was the
manifestations of the spiiit What I coulu not uiscein howevei was the
abstiact coie he was talking about It hau to be something unstateu
I iepeat he saiu as if he weie a schoolteachei uiilling his stuuents
the manifestations of the spiiit is the name foi the fiist abstiact coie in
the soiceiy stoiies 0bviously what soiceieis iecognize as an abstiact
coie is something that bypasses you at this moment That pait which
escapes you soiceieis know as the euifice of intent oi the silent voice of
the spiiit oi the ulteiioi aiiangement of the abstiact
I saiu I unueistoou ulteiioi to mean something not oveitly ievealeu
as in ulteiioi motive Anu he ieplieu that in this case ulteiioi meant
moie it meant knowleuge without woius outsiue oui immeuiate
compiehension especially mine Be alloweu that the compiehension he
was iefeiiing to was meiely beyonu my aptituues of the moment not
beyonu my ultimate possibilities foi unueistanuing
If the abstiact coies aie beyonu my compiehension whats the point
of talking about them I askeu
The iule says that the abstiact coies anu the soiceiy stoiies must be
tolu at this point he ieplieu Anu some uay the ulteiioi aiiangement of
the abstiact which is knowleuge without woius oi the euifice of intent
inheient in the stoiies will be ievealeu to you by the stoiies themselves
I still uiu not unueistanu
The ulteiioi aiiangement of the abstiact is not meiely the oiuei in
which the abstiact coies weie piesenteu to you he explaineu oi what
they have in common eithei noi even the web that joins them Rathei its
to know the abstiact uiiectly without the inteivention of language
Be sciutinizeu me in silence fiom heau to toe with the obvious
puipose of seeing me
Its not eviuent to you yet he ueclaieu
Be maue a gestuie of impatience even shoit tempei as though he
weie annoyeu at my slowness Anu that woiiieu me Bon Juan was not
given to expiessions of psychological uispleasuie
It has nothing to uo with you oi youi actions he saiu when I askeu
if he was angiy oi uisappointeu with me It was a thought that ciosseu
my minu the moment I saw you Theie is a featuie in youi luminous
being that the olu soiceieis woulu have given anything to have
Tell me what it is I uemanueu
Ill ieminu you of this some othei time he saiu
Neanwhile lets continue with the element that piopels us the
abstiact the element without which theie coulu be no waiiiois path noi
any waiiiois in seaich of knowleuge
Be saiu that the uifficulties I was expeiiencing weie nothing new to
him Be himself hau gone thiough agonies in oiuei to unueistanu the
ulteiioi oiuei of the abstiact Anu hau it not been foi the helping hanu of
the nagual Elias he woulu have wounu up just like his benefactoi all
action anu veiy little unueistanuing
What was the nagual Elias like I askeu to change the subject
Be was not like his uisciple at all uon Juan saiu Be was an Inuian
veiy uaik anu massive Be hau iough featuies big mouth stiong nose
small black eyes thick black haii with no giay in it Be was shoitei than
the nagual }ulian anu hau big hanus anu feet Be was veiy humble anu
veiy wise but he hau no flaie Compaieu with my benefactoi he was
uull Always all by himself ponueiing questions The nagual }ulian useu
to joke that his teachei impaiteu wisuom by the ton Behinu his back he
useu to call him the nagual Tonnage
I nevei saw the ieason foi his jokes uon Juan went on To me the
nagual Elias was like a bieath of fiesh aii Be woulu patiently explain
eveiything to me veiy much as I explain things to you but peihaps with
a bit moie of something I wouldnt call it compassion but iathei
empathy Waiiiois aie incapable of feeling compassion because they no
longei feel soiiy foi themselves Without the uiiving foice of selfpity
compassion is meaningless
Aie you saying uon Juan that a waiiioi is all foi himself
In a way yes Foi a waiiioi eveiything begins anu enus with himself
Bowevei his contact with the abstiact causes him to oveicome his
feeling of selfimpoitance Then the self becomes abstiact anu
impeisonal
The nagual Elias felt that oui lives anu oui peisonalities weie quite
similai uon Juan continueu Foi this ieason he felt obligeu to help me
I uont feel that similaiity with you so I suppose I iegaiu you veiy much
the way the nagual }ulian useu to iegaiu me
Bon Juan saiu that the nagual Elias took him unuei his wing fiom
the veiy fiist uay he aiiiveu at his benefactois house to stait his
appienticeship anu began to explain what was taking place in his
tiaining iegaiuless of whethei uon Juan was capable of unueistanuing
Bis uige to help uon Juan was so intense that he piactically helu him
piisonei Be piotecteu him in this mannei fiom the nagual }ulians haish
onslaughts
At the beginning I useu to stay at the nagual Eliass house all the
time uon Juan continueu Anu I loveu it In my benefactois house I was
always on the lookout on guaiu afiaiu of what he was going to uo to me
next But in the Nagual Eliass home I felt confiuent at ease
Ny benefactoi useu to piess me meicilessly Anu I couldnt figuie
out why he was piessuiing me so haiu I thought that the man was plain
ciazy
Bon Juan saiu that the nagual Elias was an Inuian fiom the state of
Oaxaca who hau been taught by anothei nagual nameu Rosendo who
came fiom the same aiea Bon Juan uesciibeu the nagual Elias as being
a veiy conseivative man who cheiisheu his piivacy Anu yet he was a
famous healei anu soiceiei not only in Oaxaca but in all of southein
Nexico Nonetheless in spite of his occupation anu notoiiety he liveu in
complete isolation at the opposite enu of the countiy in noithein Nexico
Bon Juan stoppeu talking Raising his eyebiows he fixeu me with a
questioning look But all I wanteu was foi him to continue his stoiy
Eveiy single time I think you shoulu ask questions you uont he
saiu Im suie you heaiu me say that the nagual Elias was a famous
soiceiei who uealt with people uaily in southein Nexico anu at the same
time he was a heimit in noithein Nexico Doesnt that aiouse youi
cuiiosity
I felt abysmally stupiu I tolu him that the thought hau ciosseu my
minu as he was telling me those facts that the man must have hau
teiiible uifficulty commuting
Bon Juan laugheu anu since he hau maue me awaie of the question I
askeu how it hau been possible foi the nagual Elias to be in two places at
once
Bieaming is a soiceieis jet plane he saiu The nagual Elias was a
uieamei as my benefactoi was a stalkei Be was able to cieate anu
pioject what soiceieis know as the uieaming bouy oi the 0thei anu to
be in two uistant places at the same time With his uieaming bouy he
coulu caiiy on his business as a soiceiei anu with his natuial self be a
iecluse
I iemaikeu that it amazeu me that I coulu accept so easily the
piemise that the nagual Elias hau the ability to pioject a soliu thiee
uimensional image of himself anu yet coulu not foi the life of me
unueistanu the explanations about the abstiact coies
Bon Juan saiu that I coulu accept the iuea of the nagual Elfass uual
life because the spiiit was making final aujustments in my capacity foi
awaieness Anu I exploueu into a baiiage of piotests at the obscuiity of
his statement
It isnt obscuie he saiu Its a statement of fact You coulu say that
its an incompiehensible fact foi the moment but the moment will
change
Befoie I coulu ieply he began to talk again about the nagual Elias Be
saiu that the nagual Elias hau a veiy inquisitive minu anu coulu woik
well with his hanus In his jouineys as a uieamei he saw many objects
which he copieu in woou anu foigeu iion Bon Juan assuieu me that
some of those mouels weie of a haunting exquisite beauty
What kinu of objects weie the oiiginals I askeu
Theies no way of knowing uon Juan saiu Youve got to consiuei
that because he was an Inuian the nagual Elias went into his uieaming
jouineys the way a wilu animal piowls foi foou An animal nevei shows
up at a site when theie aie signs of activity Be comes only when no one
is aiounu The nagual Elias as a solitaiy uieamei visiteu lets say the
junkyaiu of infinity when no one was aiounu anu copieu whatevei he
saw but nevei knew what those things weie useu foi oi theii souice
Again I hau no tiouble accepting what he was saying The iuea uiu not
appeai to me faifetcheu in any way I was about to comment when he
inteiiupteu me with a gestuie of his eyebiows Be then continueu his
account about the nagual Elias
visiting him was foi me the ultimate tieat he saiu anu
simultaneously a souice of stiange guilt I useu to get boieu to ueath
theie Not because the nagual Elfas was boiing but because the nagual
}ulian hau no peeis anu he spoileu anyone foi life
But I thought you weie confiuent anu at ease in the nagual Eliass
house I saiu
I was anu that was the souice of my guilt anu my imagineu pioblem
Like you I loveu to toiment myself I think at the veiy beginning I founu
peace in the nagual Eliass company but latei on when I unueistoou the
nagual }ulian bettei I went his way
Be tolu me that the nagual Eliass house hau an open ioofeu section
in the fiont wheie he hau a foige anu a caipentiy bench anu tools The
tileuioof auobe house consisteu of a huge ioom with a uiit flooi wheie
he liveu with five women seeis who weie actually his wives Theie weie
also foui men soiceieiseeis of his paity who liveu in small houses
aiounu the naguals house They weie all Inuians fiom uiffeient paits of
the countiy who hau migiateu to noithein Nexico
The nagual Elias hau gieat iespect foi sexual eneigy uon Juan
saiu Be believeu it has been given to us so we can use it in uieaming Be
believeu uieaming hau fallen into uisuse because it can upset the
piecaiious mental balance of susceptible people
Ive taught you uieaming the same way he taught me he continueu
Be taught me that while we uieam the assemblage point moves veiy
gently anu natuially Nental balance is nothing but the fixing of the
assemblage point on one spot were accustomeu to If uieams make that
point move anu uieaming is useu to contiol that natuial movement anu
sexual eneigy is neeueu foi uieaming the iesult is sometimes uisastious
when sexual eneigy is uissipateu in sex insteau of uieaming Then
uieameis move theii assemblage point eiiatically anu lose theii minus
What aie you tiying to tell me uon Juan I askeu because I felt that
the subject of uieaming hau not been a natuial uiift in the conveisation
You aie a uieamei he saiu If youre not caieful with youi sexual
eneigy you might as well get useu to the iuea of eiiatic shifts of youi
assemblage point A moment ago you weie bewilueieu by youi ieactions
Well youi assemblage point moves almost eiiatically because youi
sexual eneigy is not in balance
I maue a stupiu anu inappiopiiate comment about the sex life of auult
males
0ui sexual eneigy is what goveins uieaming he explaineu The
nagual Elias taught me anu I taught you that you eithei make love with
youi sexual eneigy oi you uieam with it Theie is no othei way The
ieason I mention it at all is because you aie having gieat uifficulty
shifting youi assemblage point to giasp oui last topic the abstiact
The same thing happeneu to me uon Juan went on It was only
when my sexual eneigy was fieeu fiom the woilu that eveiything fit into
place That is the iule foi uieameis Stalkers aie the opposite Ny
benefactoi was you coulu say a sexual libeitine both as an aveiage man
anu as a nagual
Bon Juan seemeu to be on the veige of ievealing his benefactois
uoings but he obviously changeu his minu Be shook his heau anu saiu
that I was way too stiff foi such ievelations I uiu not insist
Be saiu that the nagual Elias hau the sobiiety that only uieameis
acquiieu aftei inconceivable battles with themselves Be useu his
sobiiety to plunge himself into the task of answeiing uon Juans
questions
The nagual Elias explaineu that my uifficulty in unueistanuing the
spiiit was the same as his own uon Juan continueu Be thought theie
weie two uiffeient issues 0ne the neeu to unueistanu inuiiectly what
the spiiit is anu the othei to unueistanu the spiiit uiiectly
Youre having pioblems with the fiist 0nce you unueistanu what
the spiiit is the seconu issue will be iesolveu automatically anu vice
veisa If the spiiit speaks to you using its silent woius you will ceitainly
know immeuiately what the spiiit is
Be saiu that the nagual Elias believeu that the uifficulty was oui
ieluctance to accept the iuea that knowleuge coulu exist without woius
to explain it
But I have no uifficulty accepting that I saiu
Accepting this pioposition is not as easy as saying you accept it uon
Juan saiu The nagual Elias useu to tell me that the whole of humanity
has moveu away fiom the abstiact although at one time we must have
been close to it It must have been oui sustaining foice Anu then
something happeneu anu pulleu us away fiom the abstiact Now we cant
get back to it Be useu to say that it takes yeais foi an appientice to be
able to go back to the abstiact that is to know that knowleuge anu
language can exist inuepenuent of each othei
Bon Juan iepeateu that the ciux of oui uifficulty in going back to the
abstiact was oui iefusal to accept that we coulu know without woius oi
even without thoughts
I was going to aigue that he was talking nonsense when I got the
stiong feeling I was missing something anu that his point was of ciucial
impoitance to me Be was ieally tiying to tell me something something I
eithei coulu not giasp oi which coulu not be tolu completely
Knowleuge anu language aie sepaiate he iepeateu softly
Anu I was just about to say I know it as if inueeu I knew it when I
caught myself
I tolu you theie is no way to talk about the spiiit he continueu
because the spiiit can only be expeiienceu Soiceieis tiy to explain this
conuition when they say that the spiiit is nothing you can see oi feel But
its theie looming ovei us always Sometimes it comes to some of us Nost
of the time it seems inuiffeient
I kept quiet Anu he continueu to explain Be saiu that the spiiit in
many ways was a soit of wilu animal It kept its uistance fiom us until a
moment when something enticeu it foiwaiu It was then that the spiiit
manifesteu itself
I iaiseu the point that if the spiiit wasnt an entity oi a piesence anu
hau no essence how coulu anyone entice it
Youi pioblem he saiu is that you consiuei only youi own iuea of
whats abstiact Foi instance the innei essence of man oi the
funuamental piinciple aie abstiacts foi you 0i peihaps something a bit
less vague such as chaiactei volition couiage uignity honoi The spiiit
of couise can be uesciibeu in teims of all of these Anu thats whats so
confusing that its all these anu none of them
Be auueu that what I consiueieu abstiactions weie eithei the
opposites of all the practicalities I coulu think of oi things I hau ueciueu
uiu not have conciete existence
Wheieas foi a soiceiei an abstiact is something with no paiallel in
the human conuition he saiu
But theyre the same thing I shouteu Bont you see that were
both talking about the same thing
We aie not he insisteu Foi a soiceiei the spiiit is an abstiact
simply because he knows it without woius oi even thoughts Its an
abstiact because he cant conceive what the spiiit is Yet without the
slightest chance oi uesiie to unueistanu it a soiceiei hanules the spiiit
Be iecognizes it beckons it entices it becomes familiai with it anu
expiesses it with his acts
I shook my heau in uespaii I coulu not see the uiffeience
The ioot of youi misconception is that I have useu the teim
abstiact to uesciibe the spiiit he saiu Foi you abstiacts aie woius
which uesciibe states of intuition An example is the woiu spiiit which
doesnt uesciibe ieason oi piagmatic expeiience anu which of couise is
of no use to you othei than to tickle youi fancy
I was fuiious with uon Juan I calleu him obstinate anu he laugheu at
me Be suggesteu that if I woulu think about the pioposition that
knowleuge might be inuepenuent of language without botheiing to
unueistanu it peihaps I coulu see the light
Consiuei this he saiu It was not the act of meeting me that
matteieu to you The uay I met you you met the abstiact But since you
couldnt talk about it you didnt notice it Soiceieis meet the abstiact
without thinking about it oi seeing it oi touching it oi feeling its
piesence
I iemaineu quiet because I uiu not enjoy aiguing with him At times I
consiueieu him to be quite willfully abstiuse abstiuse uifficult to
penetiate incompiehensible to one of oiuinaiy unueistanuing oi
knowleuge But uon Juan seemeu to be enjoying himself immensely
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence The Last Seuuction of the
Nagual }ulian
veision
Knock of the Spiiit
The Last Seuuction of the Nagual }ulian
It was as cool anu quiet in the patio of uon Juans house as in the
cloistei of a convent Theie weie a numbei of laige fiuit tiees planteu
extiemely close togethei which seemeu to iegulate the tempeiatuie anu
absoib all noises When I fiist came to his house I hau maue ciitical
iemaiks about the illogical way the fiuit tiees hau been planteu I woulu
have given them moie space
Bis answei was that those tiees weie not his piopeity they weie fiee
anu inuepenuent waiiioi tiees that hau joineu his paity of waiiiois anu
that my comments which applieu to iegulai tiees weie not ielevant Bis
ieply sounueu metaphoiical to me What I didnt know then was that uon
Juan meant eveiything he saiu liteially
Bon Juan anu I weie sitting in cane aimchaiis facing the fiuit tiees
now The tiees weie all beaiing fiuit I commenteu that it was not only a
beautiful sight but an extiemely intiiguing one foi it was not the fiuit
season
Theie is an inteiesting stoiy about it he aumitteu As you know
these tiees aie waiiiois of my paity They aie beaiing now because all
the membeis of my paity have been talking anu expiessing feelings
about oui uefinitive jouiney heie in fiont of them Anu the tiees know
now that when we embaik on oui uefinitive jouiney they will
accompany us
I lookeu at him astonisheu
I cant leave them behinu he explaineu They aie waiiiois too
They have thiown theii lot in with the naguals paity Anu they know
how I feel about them The assemblage point of tiees is locateu veiy low
in theii enoimous luminous shell anu that peimits them to know oui
feelings foi instance the feelings we aie having now as we uiscuss my
uefinitive jouiney
I iemaineu quiet foi I uiu not want to uwell on the subject Bon Juan
spoke anu uispelleu my moou
The seconu abstiact coie of the soiceiy stoiies is calleu the Knock of
the Spiiit he saiu The fiist coie the Nanifestations of the Spiiit is the
euifice that intent builus anu places befoie a soiceiei then invites him to
entei It is the euifice of intent seen by a soiceiei The Knock of the Spiiit
is the same euifice seen by the beginnei who is inviteu oi iathei foiceu
to entei
This seconu abstiact coie coulu be a stoiy in itself The stoiy says
that aftei the spiiit hau manifesteu itself to that man we have talkeu
about anu hau gotten no iesponse the spiiit laiu a tiap foi the man It
was a final subteifuge not because the man was special but because the
incompiehensible chain of events of the spiiit maue that man available at
the veiy moment that the spiiit knockeu on the uooi
It goes without saying that whatevei the spiiit ievealeu to that man
maue no sense to him In fact it went against eveiything the man knew
eveiything he was The man of couise in no unceitain teims iefuseu on
the spot to have anything to uo with the spiiit Be wasnt going to fall foi
such pieposteious nonsense Be knew bettei The iesult was a total
stalemate stalemate a situation in which no piogiess can be maue oi
no auvancement is possible
I can say that this is an iuiotic stoiy he continueu I can say that
what Ive given you is the pacifiei pacifiei someone oi something
intenueu to biing peace foi those who aie uncomfoitable with the
silence of the abstiact
Be peeieu at me foi a moment anu then smileu
You like woius he saiu accusingly The meie iuea of silent
knowleuge scaies you But stoiies no mattei how stupiu uelight you anu
make you feel secuie
Bis smile was so mischievous that I couldnt help laughing
Then he ieminueu me that I hau alieauy heaiu his uetaileu account of
the fiist time the spiiit hau knockeu on his uooi Foi a moment I coulu
not figuie out what he was talking about
It was not just my benefactoi who stumbleu upon me as I was uying
fiom the gunshot he explaineu The spiiit also founu me anu knockeu
on my uooi that uay Ny benefactoi unueistoou that he was theie to be a
conuuit foi the spiiit Without the spiiits inteivention meeting my
benefactoi woulu have meant nothing
Be saiu that a nagual can be a conuuit only aftei the spiiit has
manifesteu its willingness to be useu eithei almost impeiceptibly oi
with outiight commanus It was theiefoie not possible foi a nagual to
choose his appientices accoiuing to his own volition oi his own
calculations But once the willingness of the spiiit was ievealeu thiough
omens the nagual spaieu no effoit to satisfy it
Aftei a lifetime of piactice he continueu soiceieis anu naguals in
paiticulai know if the spiiit is inviting them to entei the euifice being
flaunteu befoie them They have leaineu to uiscipline theii connecting
links to intent So they aie always foiewaineu always know what the
spiiit has in stoie foi them
Bon Juan saiu that piogiess along the soiceieis path was in geneial
a uiastic piocess the puipose of which was to biing this connecting link
to oiuei The aveiage mans connecting link with intent is piactically
ueau anu soiceieis begin with a link that is useless because it uoes not
iesponu voluntaiily
Be stiesseu that in oiuei to ievive that link soiceieis neeueu a
iigoious fieice puipose a special state of minu calleu unbenuing intent
Accepting that the nagual was the only being capable of supplying
unbenuing intent was the most uifficult pait of the soiceieis
appienticeship I aigueu that I coulu not see the uifficulty
An appientice is someone who is stiiving to cleai anu ievive his
connecting link with the spiiit he explaineu 0nce the link is ieviveu he
is no longei an appientice but until that time in oiuei to keep going he
neeus a fieice puipose which of couise he doesnt have So he allows the
nagual to pioviue the puipose anu to uo that he has to ielinquish his
inuiviuuality Thats the uifficult pait
Be ieminueu me of something he hau tolu me often that volunteeis
weie not welcome in the soiceieis woilu because they alieauy hau a
puipose of theii own which maue it paiticulaily haiu foi them to
ielinquish theii inuiviuuality If the soiceieis woilu uemanueu iueas anu
actions contiaiy to the volunteeis puipose the volunteeis simply
iefuseu to change
Reviving an appientices link is a naguals most challenging anu
intiiguing woik uon Juan continueu anu one of his biggest heauaches
too Bepenuing of couise on the appientices peisonality the uesigns of
the spiiit aie eithei sublimely simple oi the most complex labyiinths
labyiinth complex system of paths oi tunnels in which it is easy to get
lost
Bon Juan assuieu me that although I might have hau notions to the
contiaiy my appienticeship hau not been as oneious to him as his must
have been to his benefactoi Be aumitteu that I hau a mouicum of self
uiscipline that came in veiy hanuy while he hau hau none whatevei Anu
his benefactoi in tuin hau hau even less
The uiffeience is uisceinible in the manifestations of the spiiit he
continueu In some cases they aie baiely noticeable In my case they
weie commanus I hau been shot Bloou was pouiing out of a hole in my
chest Ny benefactoi hau to act with speeu anu suieness just as his own
benefactoi hau foi him Soiceieis know that the moie uifficult the
commanu is the moie uifficult the uisciple tuins out to be
Bon Juan explaineu that one of the most auvantageous aspects of his
association with two naguals was that he coulu heai the same stoiies
fiom two opposite points of view Foi instance the stoiy about the
nagual Elias anu the manifestations of the spiiit fiom the appientices
peispective was the stoiy of the spiiits uifficult knock on his
benefactois uooi
Eveiything connecteu with my benefactoi was veiy uifficult he saiu
anu began to laugh When he was twentyfoui yeais olu the spiiit didnt
just knock on his uooi it neaily bangeu it uown
Be saiu that the stoiy hau ieally begun yeais eailiei when his
benefactoi hau been a hanusome auolescent fiom a goou family in
Nexico City Be was wealthy euucateu chaiming anu hau a chaiismatic
peisonality Women fell in love with him at fiist sight But he was alieauy
selfinuulgent anu unuisciplineu lazy about anything that uiu not give
him immeuiate giatification
Bon Juan saiu that with that peisonality anu his type of upbiinging
he was the only son of a wealthy wiuow who togethei with his foui
auoiing sisteis uoteu on him he coulu only behave one way Be inuulgeu
in eveiy impiopiiety he coulu think of Even among his equally self
inuulgent fiienus he was seen as a moial uelinquent who liveu to uo
anything that the woilu consiueieu moially wiong
In the long iun his excesses weakeneu him physically anu he fell
moitally ill with tubeiculosis tubeiculosis infection tiansmitteu by
inhalation oi ingestion of tubeicle bacilli anu manifesteu in fevei anu
small lesions usually in the lungs but in vaiious othei paits of the bouy
in acute stages the uieaueu uisease of the time But his illness insteau
of iestiaining him cieateu a physical conuition in which he felt moie
sensual than evei Since he uiu not have one iota of selfcontiol he gave
himself ovei fully to uebaucheiy uebaucheiy a wilu gatheiing
involving excessive uiinking anu piomiscuity anu his health
ueteiioiateu until theie was no hope
The saying that it nevei iains but it pouis was ceitainly tiue foi uon
Juans benefactoi then As his health ueclineu his mothei who was his
only souice of suppoit anu the only iestiaint on him uieu She left him a
sizable inheiitance which shoulu have suppoiteu him auequately foi life
but unuisciplineu as he was in a few months he hau spent eveiy cent
With no piofession oi tiaue to fall back on he was left to sciounge foi a
living
Without money he no longei hau fiienus anu even the women who
once loveu him tuineu theii backs Foi the fiist time in his life he founu
himself confionting a haish ieality Consiueiing the state of his health it
shoulu have been the enu But he was iesilient Be ueciueu to woik foi a
living
Bis sensual habits howevei coulu not be changeu anu they foiceu
him to seek woik in the only place he felt comfoitable the theatei Bis
qualifications weie that he was a boin ham anu hau spent most of his
auult life in the company of actiesses Be joineu a theatiical tioupe in the
piovinces away fiom his familiai ciicle of fiienus anu acquaintances anu
became a veiy intense actoi the consumptive heio in ieligious anu
moiality plays
Bon Juan commenteu on the stiange iiony that hau always maikeu
his benefactois life Theie he was a peifect iepiobate iepiobate a
peison without moial sciuples uying as a iesult of his uissolute ways
anu playing the ioles of saints anu mystics Be even playeu }esus in the
Passion Play uuiing Boly Week
Bis health lasteu thiough one theatiical toui of the noithein states
Then two things happeneu in the city of Durango his life came to an enu
anu the spiiit knockeu on his uooi
Both his ueath anu the spiiits knock came at the same time in bioau
uaylight in the bushes Bis ueath caught him in the act of seuucing a
young woman Be was alieauy extiemely weak anu that uay he
oveiexeiteu himself The young woman who was vivacious anu stiong
anu mauly infatuateu hau by piomising to make love inuuceu him to
walk to a secluueu spot miles fiom nowheie Anu theie she hau fought
him off foi houis When she finally submitteu he was completely woin
out anu coughing so bauly that he coulu haiuly bieathe
Buiing his last passionate outbuist he felt a seaiing pain in his
shouluei Bis chest felt as if it weie being iippeu apait anu a coughing
spell maue him ietch uncontiollably But his compulsion to seek pleasuie
kept him going until his ueath came in the foim of a hemoiihage It was
then that the spiiit maue its entiy boine by an Inuian who came to his
aiu Eailiei he hau noticeu the Inuian following them aiounu but hau not
given him a seconu thought absoibeu as he was in the seuuction
Be saw as in a uieam the giil She was not scaieu noi uiu she lose
hei composuie Quietly anu efficiently she put hei clothes back on anu
took off as fast as a iabbit chaseu by hounus
Be also saw the Inuian iushing to him tiying to make him sit up Be
heaiu him saying iuiotic things Be heaiu him pleuging himself to the
spiiit anu mumbling incompiehensible woius in a foieign language Then
the Inuian acteu veiy quickly Stanuing behinu him he gave him a
smacking blow on the back
veiy iationally the uying man ueuuceu that the Inuian was tiying
eithei to uislouge the bloou clot oi to kill him
As the Inuian stiuck him iepeateuly on the back the uying man
became convinceu that the Inuian was the womans lovei oi husbanu anu
was muiueiing him But seeing the intensely biilliant eyes of that Inuian
he changeu his minu Be knew that the Inuian was simply ciazy anu was
not connecteu with the woman
With his last bit of consciousness he focuseu his attention on the
mans mumblings What he was saying was that the powei of man was
incalculable that ueath existeu only because we hau intenueu it since the
moment of oui biith that the intent of ueath coulu be suspenueu by
making the assemblage point change positions
Be then knew that the Inuian was totally insane Bis situation was so
theatiical uying at the hanus of a ciazy Inuian mumbling gibbeiish that
he voweu he woulu be a ham actoi to the bittei enu anu he piomiseu
himself not to uie of eithei the hemoiihaging oi the blows but to uie of
laughtei Anu he laugheu until he was ueau
Bon Juan iemaikeu that natuially his benefactoi coulu not possibly
have taken the Inuian seiiously No one coulu take such a peison
seiiously especially not a piospective appientice who was not supposeu
to be volunteeiing foi the soiceiy task
Bon Juan then saiu that he hau given me uiffeient veisions of what
that soiceiy task consisteu Be saiu it woulu not be piesumptuous of him
to uisclose that fiom the spiiits point of view the task consisteu of
cleaiing oui connecting link with it
The euifice that intent flaunts befoie us is then a cleaiinghouse
within which we finu not so much the pioceuuies to cleai oui connecting
link as the silent knowleuge that allows the cleaiing piocess to take
place Without that silent knowleuge no piocess coulu woik anu all we
woulu have woulu be an inuefinite sense of neeuing something
Be explaineu that the events unleasheu by soiceieis as a iesult of
silent knowleuge weie so simple anu yet so abstiact that soiceieis hau
ueciueu long ago to speak of those events only in symbolic teims The
manifestations anu the knock of the spiiit weie examples
Bon Juan saiu that foi instance a uesciiption of what took place
uuiing the initial meeting between a nagual anu a piospective
appientice fiom the soiceieis point of view woulu be absolutely
incompiehensible
It woulu be nonsense to explain that the nagual by viitue of his
lifelong expeiience was focusing something we couldnt imagine his
seconu attention the incieaseu awaieness gaineu thiough soiceiy
tiaining on his invisible connection with some inuefinable abstiact Be
was uoing this to emphasize anu claiify someone elses invisible
connection with that inuefinable abstiact
Be iemaikeu that each of us was baiieu fiom silent knowleuge by
natuial baiiieis specific to each inuiviuual anu that the most
impiegnable of my baiiieis was the uiive to uisguise my complacency as
inuepenuence
I challengeu him to give me a conciete example I ieminueu him that
he hau once waineu me that a favoiite uebating ploy was to iaise geneial
ciiticisms that coulu not be suppoiteu by conciete examples Bon Juan
lookeu at me anu beameu
In the past I useu to give you powei plants he saiu At fiist you
went to extiemes to convince youiself that what you weie expeiiencing
weie hallucinations Then you wanteu them to be special hallucinations I
iemembei I maue fun of youi insistence on calling them uiuactic
hallucinatoiy expeiiences
Be saiu that my neeu to piove my illusoiy inuepenuence foiceu me
into a position wheie I coulu not accept what he hau tolu me was
happening although it was what I silently knew foi myself I knew he was
employing powei plants as the veiy limiteu tools they weie to make me
entei paitial oi tempoiaiy states of heighteneu awaieness by moving my
assemblage point away fiom its habitual location
You useu youi baiiiei of inuepenuence to get you ovei that
obstiuction he went on The same baiiiei has continueu to woik to this
uay so you still ietain that sense of inuefinite anguish peihaps not so
pionounceu Now the question is how aie you aiianging youi
conclusions so that youi cuiient expeiiences fit into youi scheme of
complacency
I confesseu that the only way I coulu maintain my inuepenuence was
not to think about my expeiiences at all
Bon Juans heaity laugh neaily maue him fall out of his cane chaii Be
stoou anu walkeu aiounu to catch his bieath Be sat uown again anu
composeu himself Be pusheu his chaii back anu ciosseu his legs
Be saiu that we as aveiage men uiu not know noi woulu we evei
know that it was something utteily ieal anu functional oui connecting
link with intent which gave us oui heieuitaiy pieoccupation with fate
Be asseiteu that uuiing oui active lives we nevei have the chance to go
beyonu the level of meie pieoccupation because since time immemoiial
the lull of uaily affaiis has maue us uiowsy
It is only when oui lives aie neaily ovei that oui heieuitaiy
pieoccupation with fate begins to take on a uiffeient chaiactei It begins
to make us see thiough the fog of uaily affaiis
0nfoitunately this awakening always comes hanu in hanu with loss
of eneigy causeu by aging when we have no moie stiength left to tuin
oui pieoccupation into a piagmatic anu positive uiscoveiy At this point
all theie is left is an amoiphous pieicing anguish a longing foi
something inuesciibable anu simple angei at having misseu out
I like poems foi many ieasons he saiu 0ne ieason is that they
catch the moou of waiiiois anu explain what can haiuly be explaineu
Be conceueu that poets weie keenly awaie of oui connecting link
with the spiiit but that they weie awaie of it intuitively not in the
uelibeiate piagmatic way of soiceieis
Poets have no fiisthanu knowleuge of the spiiit he went on That
is why theii poems cannot ieally hit the centei of tiue gestuies foi the
spiiit They hit pietty close to it though
Be pickeu up one of my poetiy books fiom a chaii next to him a
collection by Juan Ramon Jimenez Be openeu it to wheie he hau placeu
a maikei hanueu it to me anu signaleu me to ieau
Is it I who walks tonight in my ioom
oi is it the beggai who was piowling in my gaiuen at nightfall
I look aiounu anu finu that eveiything is the same
anu it is not the same
Was the winuow open
Bau I not alieauy fallen asleep
Was not the gaiuen pale gieen
The sly was cleai anu blue
Anu theie aie clouus anu it is winuy
anu the gaiuen is uaik anu gloomy
I think that my haii was black
I was uiesseu in giey
Anu my haii is giey
anu I am weaiing black
Is this my gait
Boes this voice which now iesounus in me
have the ihythms of the voice I useu to have
Am I myself oi am I the beggai
who was piowling in my gaiuen at nightfall
I look aiounu
Theie aie clouus anu it is winuy
The gaiuen is uaik anu gloomy
I come anu go
Is it not tiue that I hau alieauy fallen asleep
Ny haii is giey
Anu eveiything is the same anu it is not the same
I ieieau the poem to myself anu I caught the poets moou of
impotence anu bewilueiment I askeu uon Juan if he felt the same
I think the poet senses the piessuie of aging anu the anxiety that
that iealization piouuces uon Juan saiu But that is only one pait of it
The othei pait which inteiests me is that the poet although he nevei
moves his assemblage point intuits that something extiaoiuinaiy is at
stake Be intuits with gieat ceitainty that theie is some unnameu factoi
awesome because of its simplicity that is ueteimining oui fate
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence Busting the Link with the
Spiiit
veision
Tiickeiy of the Spiiit
Busting the Link with the Spiiit
The sun hau not yet iisen fiom behinu the eastein peaks but the uay
was alieauy hot As we ieacheu the fiist steep slope a couple of miles
along the ioau fiom the outskiits of town uon Juan stoppeu walking anu
moveu to the siue of the paveu highway Be sat uown by some huge
boulueis that hau been uynamiteu fiom the face of the mountain when
they cut the ioau anu signaleu me to join him We usually stoppeu theie
to talk oi iest on oui way to the neaiby mountains Bon Juan announceu
that this tiip was going to be long anu that we might be in the mountains
foi uays
We aie going to talk now about the thiiu abstiact coie uon Juan
saiu It is calleu the tiickeiy of the spiiit oi the tiickeiy of the abstiact
oi stalking oneself oi uusting the link
I was suipiiseu at the vaiiety of names but saiu nothing I waiteu foi
him to continue his explanation
Anu again as with the fiist anu seconu coie he went on it coulu be
a stoiy in itself The stoiy says that aftei knocking on the uooi of that
man weve been talking about anu having no success with him the spiiit
useu the only means available tiickeiy Aftei all the spiiit hau iesolveu
pievious impasses with tiickeiy It was obvious that if it wanteu to make
an impact on this man it hau to cajole him So the spiiit began to instiuct
the man on the mysteiies of soiceiy Anu the soiceiy appienticeship
became what it is a ioute of aitifice aitifice a ueceptive manoeuvie
anu subteifuge subteifuge something intenueu to misiepiesent the
tiue natuie of an activity
The stoiy says that the spiiit cajoleu the man by making him shift
back anu foith between levels of awaieness to show him how to save the
eneigy neeueu to stiengthen his connecting link
Bon Juan tolu me that if we apply his stoiy to a mouein setting we
hau the case of the nagual the living conuuit of the spiiit iepeating the
stiuctuie of this abstiact coie anu iesoiting to aitifice anu subteifuge in
oiuei to teach
Suuuenly he stoou anu staiteu to walk towaiu the mountain iange I
followeu him anu we staiteu oui climb siue by siue
In the veiy late afteinoon we ieacheu the top of the high mountains
Even at that altituue it was still veiy waim All uay we hau followeu a
neaily invisible tiail Finally we ieacheu a small cleaiing an ancient
lookout post commanuing the noith anu west
We sat theie anu uon Juan ietuineu oui conveisation to the soiceiy
stoiies Be saiu that now I knew the stoiy of intent manifesting itself to
the nagual Elias anu the stoiy of the spiiit knocking on the nagual
}ulians uooi Anu I knew how he hau met the spiiit anu I ceitainly coulu
not foiget how I hau met it All these stoiies he ueclaieu hau the same
stiuctuie only the chaiacteis uiffeieu Each stoiy was an abstiact tiagic
comeuy with one abstiact playei intent anu two human actois the
nagual anu his appientice The sciipt was the abstiact coie
I thought I hau finally unueistoou what he meant but I coulu not
quite explain even to myself what it was I unueistoou noi coulu I explain
it to uon Juan When I tiieu to put my thoughts into woius I founu myself
babbling
Bon Juan seemeu to iecognize my state of minu Be suggesteu that I
ielax anu listen Be tolu me his next stoiy was about the piocess of
biinging an appientice into the iealm of the spiiit a piocess soiceieis
calleu the tiickeiy of the spiiit oi uusting the connecting link to intent
Ive alieauy tolu you the stoiy of how the nagual }ulian took me to
his house aftei I was shot anu tenueu my wounu until I iecoveieu uon
Juan continueu But I didnt tell you how he uusteu my link how he
taught me to stalk myself
The fiist thing a nagual uoes with his piospective appientice is to
tiick him That is he gives him a jolt on his connecting link to the spiiit
Theie aie two ways of uoing this 0ne is thiough seminoimal channels
which I useu with you anu the othei is by means of outiight soiceiy
which my benefactoi useu on me
Bon Juan again tolu me the stoiy of how his benefactoi hau
convinceu the people who hau gatheieu at the ioau that the wounueu
man was his son Then he hau paiu some men to caiiy uon Juan
unconscious fiom shock anu loss of bloou to his own house Bon Juan
woke theie uays latei anu founu a kinu olu man anu his fat wife tenuing
his wounu
The olu man saiu his name was Belisario anu that his wife was a
famous healei anu that both of them weie healing his wounu Bon Juan
tolu them he hau no money anu Belisario suggesteu that when he
iecoveieu payment of some soit coulu be aiiangeu
Bon Juan saiu that he was thoioughly confuseu which was nothing
new to him Be was just a musculai ieckless twentyyeaiolu Inuian
with no biains no foimal euucation anu a teiiible tempei Be hau no
conception of giatituue Be thought it was veiy kinu of the olu man anu
his wife to have helpeu him but his intention was to wait foi his wounu
to heal anu then simply vanish in the miuule of the night
When he hau iecoveieu enough anu was ieauy to flee olu Belisario
took him into a ioom anu in tiembling whispeis uiscloseu that the house
wheie they weie staying belongeu to a monstious man who was holuing
his wife anu him piisonei Be askeu uon Juan to help them to iegain theii
fieeuom to escape fiom theii captoi anu toimentoi
Befoie uon Juan coulu ieply a monstious fishfaceu man iight out of
a hoiioi tale buist into the ioom as if he hau been listening behinu the
uooi Be was gieenishgiay hau only one unblinking eye in the miuule of
his foieheau anu was as big as a uooi Be luicheu at uon Juan hissing
like a seipent ieauy to teai him apait anu fiighteneu him so gieatly that
he fainteu
Bis way of giving me a jolt on my connecting link with the spiiit was
masteiful Bon Juan laugheu Ny benefactoi of couise hau shifteu me
into heighteneu awaieness piioi to the monsteis entiance so that what I
actually saw as a monstious man was what soiceieis call an inoiganic
being a foimless eneigy fielu
Bon Juan saiu that he knew countless cases in which his benefactois
uevilishness cieateu hilaiiously embaiiassing situations foi all his
appientices especially foi uon Juan himself whose seiiousness anu
stiffness maue him the peifect subject foi his benefactois uiuactic
uiuactic instiuctive especially excessively jokes Be auueu as an
afteithought that it went without saying that these jokes enteitaineu his
benefactoi immensely
If you think I laugh at you which I uo its nothing compaieu with
how he laugheu at me uon Juan continueu Ny uevilish benefactoi hau
leaineu to weep to hiue his laughtei You just cant imagine how he useu
to ciy when I fiist began my appienticeship
Continuing with his stoiy uon Juan stateu that his life was nevei the
same aftei the shock of seeing that monstious man Bis benefactoi maue
suie of it Bon Juan explaineu that once a nagual has intiouuceu his
piospective uisciple especially his nagual uisciple to tiickeiy he must
stiuggle to assuie his compliance This compliance coulu be of two
uiffeient kinus
Eithei the piospective uisciple is so uisciplineu anu tuneu that only
his uecision to join the nagual is neeueu as hau been the case with young
Talia oi the piospective uisciple is someone with little oi no uiscipline
in which case a nagual has to expenu time anu a gieat ueal of laboi to
convince his uisciple
In uon Juans case because he was a wilu young peasant without a
thought in his heau the piocess of ieeling him in took bizaiie tuins
Soon aftei the fiist jolt his benefactoi gave him a seconu one by
showing uon Juan his ability to tiansfoim himself 0ne uay his
benefactoi became a young man Bon Juan was incapable of conceiving
of this tiansfoimation as anything but an example of a consummate
actois ait
Bow uiu he accomplish those changes I askeu
Be was both a magician anu an aitist uon Juan ieplieu Bis magic
was that he tiansfoimeu himself by moving his assemblage point into the
position that woulu biing on whatevei paiticulai change he uesiieu Anu
his ait was the peifection of his tiansfoimations
I uont quite unueistanu what youre telling me I saiu
Bon Juan saiu that peiception is the hinge foi eveiything man is oi
uoes anu that peiception is iuleu by the location of the assemblage point
Theiefoie if that point changes positions mans peiception of the woilu
changes accoiuingly The soiceiei who knew exactly wheie to place his
assemblage point coulu become anything he wanteu
The nagual }ulians pioficiency in moving his assemblage point was
so magnificent that he coulu elicit the subtlest tiansfoimations uon
Juan continueu When a soiceiei becomes a ciow foi instance it is
uefinitely a gieat accomplishment But it entails a vast anu theiefoie a
gioss shift of the assemblage point Bowevei moving it to the position of
a fat man oi an olu man iequiies the minutest shift anu the keenest
knowleuge of human natuie
Id iathei avoiu thinking oi talking about those things as facts I
saiu
Bon Juan laugheu as if I hau saiu the funniest thing imaginable
Was theie a ieason foi youi benefactois tiansfoimations I askeu
0i was he just amusing himself
Bont be stupiu Waiiiois uont uo anything just to amuse
themselves he ieplieu Bis tiansfoimations weie stiategical They weie
uictateu by neeu like his tiansfoimation fiom olu to young Now anu
then theie weie funny consequences but thats anothei mattei
I ieminueu him that I hau askeu befoie how his benefactoi leaineu
those tiansfoimations Be hau tolu me then that his benefactoi hau a
teachei but woulu not tell me who
That veiy mysteiious soiceiei who is oui waiu taught him uon
Juan ieplieu cuitly
What mysteiious soiceiei is that I askeu
The ueath uefiei he saiu anu lookeu at me questioningly
Foi all the soiceieis of uon Juans paity the ueath uefiei was a most
viviu chaiactei Accoiuing to them the ueath uefiei was a soiceiei of
ancient times Be hau succeeueu in suiviving to the piesent uay by
manipulating his assemblage point making it move in specific ways to
specific locations within his total eneigy fielu Such maneuveis hau
peimitteu his awaieness anu life foice to peisist
Bon Juan hau tolu me about the agieement that the seeis of his
lineage hau enteieu into with the ueath uefiei centuiies befoie Be maue
gifts to them in exchange foi vital eneigy Because of this agieement they
consiueieu him theii waiu anu calleu him the tenant
Bon Juan hau explaineu that soiceieis of ancient times weie expeits
at making the assemblage point move In uoing so they hau uiscoveieu
extiaoiuinaiy things about peiception but they hau also uiscoveieu how
easy it was to get lost in abeiiation The ueath uefieis situation was foi
uon Juan a classic example of an abeiiation
Bon Juan useu to iepeat eveiy chance he coulu that if the assemblage
point was pusheu by someone who not only saw it but also hau enough
eneigy to move it it sliu within the luminous ball to whatevei location
the pushei uiiecteu Its biilliance was enough to light up the thieaulike
eneigy fielus it toucheu The iesulting peiception of the woilu was as
complete as but not the same as oui noimal peiception of eveiyuay life
Theiefoie sobiiety was ciucial to uealing with the moving of the
assemblage point
Continuing his stoiy uon Juan saiu that he quickly became
accustomeu to thinking of the olu man who hau saveu his life as ieally a
young man masqueiauing as olu But one uay the young man was again
the olu Belisario uon Juan hau fiist met Be anu the woman uon Juan
thought was his wife packeu theii bags anu two smiling men with a team
of mules appeaieu out of nowheie
Bon Juan laugheu savoiing his stoiy Be saiu that while the
muleteers packeu the mules Belisario pulleu him asiue anu pointeu out
that he anu his wife weie again uisguiseu
Be was again an olu man anu his beautiful wife was a fat iiascible
Inuian
I was so young anu stupiu that only the obvious hau value foi me
uon Juan continueu }ust a couple of uays befoie I hau seen his
incieuible tiansfoimation fiom a feeble man in his seventies to a
vigoious young man in his miutwenties anu I took his woiu that olu age
was just a uisguise Bis wife hau also changeu fiom a soui fat Inuian to a
beautiful slenuei young woman The woman of couise hadnt
tiansfoimeu heiself the way my benefactoi hau Be hau simply changeu
the woman 0f couise I coulu have seen eveiything at that time but
wisuom always comes to us painfully anu in uiiblets
Bon Juan saiu that the olu man assuieu him that his wounu was
healeu although he uiu not feel quite well yet Be then embiaceu uon
Juan anu in a tiuly sau voice whispeieu the monstei has likeu you so
much that he has ieleaseu me anu my wife fiom bonuage anu taken you
as his sole seivant
I woulu have laugheu at him uon Juan went on hau it not been foi
a ueep animal giowling anu a fiightening iattle that came fiom the
monsteis iooms
Bon Juans eyes weie shining with innei uelight I wanteu to iemain
seiious but coulu not help laughing
Belisario awaie of uon Juans fiight apologizeu piofusely foi the
twist of fate that hau libeiateu him anu impiisoneu uon Juan Be clickeu
his tongue in uisgust anu cuiseu the monstei Be hau teais in his eyes
when he listeu all the choies the monstei wanteu uone uaily Anu when
uon Juan piotesteu he confiueu in low tones that theie was no way to
escape because the monsteis knowleuge of witchciaft was unequaleu
Bon Juan askeu Belisario to iecommenu some line of action Anu
Belisario went into a long explanation about plans of action being
appiopiiate only if one weie uealing with aveiage human beings In the
human context we can plan anu plot anu uepenuing on luck plus oui
cunning anu ueuication we can succeeu But in the face of the unknown
specifically uon Juans situation the only hope of suivival was to
acquiesce anu unueistanu
Belisario confesseu to uon Juan in a baiely auuible muimui that to
make suie the monstei nevei came aftei him he was going to the state of
Durango to leain soiceiy Be askeu uon Juan if he too woulu consiuei
leaining soiceiy Anu uon Juan hoiiifieu at the thought saiu that he
woulu have nothing to uo with witches
Bon Juan helu his siues laughing anu aumitteu that he enjoyeu
thinking about how his benefactoi must have ielisheu theii inteiplay
especially when uon Juan in a fienzy of feai anu passion iejecteu the
bona fide invitation to leain soiceiy saying I am an Inuian I was boin
to hate anu feai witches
Belisario exchangeu looks with his wife anu his bouy began to
convulse Bon Juan iealizeu he was weeping silently obviously huit by
the iejection Bis wife hau to piop him up until he iegaineu his
composuie
As Belisario anu his wife weie walking away he tuineu anu gave uon
Juan one moie piece of auvice Be saiu that the monstei abhoiieu
women anu uon Juan shoulu be on the lookout foi a male ieplacement
on the off chance that the monstei woulu like him enough to switch
slaves But he shoulu not iaise his hopes because it was going to be yeais
befoie he coulu even leave the house The monstei likeu to make suie his
slaves weie loyal oi at least obeuient
Bon Juan coulu stanu it no longei Be bioke uown began to weep
anu tolu Belisario that no one was going to enslave him Be coulu always
kill himself The olu man was veiy moveu by uon Juans outbuist anu
confesseu that he hau hau the same iuea but alas the monstei was able
to ieau his thoughts anu hau pieventeu him fiom taking his own life
eveiy time he hau tiieu
Belisario maue anothei offei to take uon Juan with him to Durango
to leain soiceiy Be saiu it was the only possible solution Anu uon Juan
tolu him his solution was like jumping fiom the fiying pan into the fiie
Belisario began to weep louuly anu embiaceu uon Juan Belisario
cuiseu the moment he hau saveu the uon Juans life anu swoie that he
hau no iuea they woulu tiaue places Be blew his nose anu looking at uon
Juan with buining eyes saiu Bisguise is the only way to suivive If you
uont behave piopeily the monstei can steal youi soul anu tuin you into
an iuiot who uoes his choies anu nothing moie Too bau I uont have
time to teach you acting Then he wept even moie
Bon Juan choking with teais askeu him to uesciibe how he coulu
uisguise himself Belisario confiueu that the monstei hau teiiible
eyesight anu iecommenueu that uon Juan expeiiment with vaiious
clothes that suiteu his fancy Be hau aftei all yeais aheau of him to tiy
uiffeient uisguises Be embiaceu uon Juan at the uooi weeping openly
Bis wife toucheu uon Juans hanu shyly Anu then they weie gone
Nevei in my life befoie oi aftei have I felt such teiioi anu uespaii
uon Juan saiu The monstei iattleu things insiue the house as if he weie
waiting impatiently foi me I sat uown by the uooi anu whineu like a uog
in pain Then I vomiteu fiom sheei feai
Bon Juan sat foi houis incapable of moving Be uaieu not leave noi
uiu he uaie go insiue It was no exaggeiation to say that he was actually
about to uie when he saw Belisario waving his aims fiantically tiying to
catch his attention fiom the othei siue of the stieet }ust seeing him again
gave uon Juan instantaneous ielief Belisario was squatting by the
siuewalk watching the house Be signaleu uon Juan to stay put
Aftei an exciuciatingly long time Belisario ciawleu a few feet on his
hanus anu knees towaiu uon Juan then squatteu again totally immobile
Ciawling in that fashion he auvanceu until he was at uon Juans siue It
took him houis A lot of people hau passeu by but no one seemeu to have
noticeu uon Juans uespaii oi the olu mans actions When the two of
them weie siue by siue Belisario whispeieu that he hau not felt iight
leaving uon Juan like a uog tieu to a post Bis wife hau objecteu but he
hau ietuineu to attempt to iescue him Aftei all it was thanks to uon
Juan that he hau gaineu his fieeuom
Be askeu uon Juan in a commanuing whispei whethei he was ieauy
anu willing to uo anything to escape this Anu uon Juan assuieu him that
he woulu uo anything In the most suiieptitious suiieptitious maikeu
by quiet anu caution anu seciecy taking pains to avoiu being obseiveu
mannei Belisario hanueu uon Juan a bunule of clothes Then he
outlineu his plan
Bon Juan was to go to the aiea of the house faithest fiom the
monsteis iooms anu slowly change his clothes taking off one item of
clothing at a time staiting with his hat leaving the shoes foi last Then he
was to put all his clothes on a woouen fiame a mannequinlike stiuctuie
he was to builu efficiently anu quickly as soon as he was insiue the
house The next step of the plan was foi uon Juan to put on the only
uisguise that coulu fool the monstei the clothes in the bunule
Bon Juan ian into the house anu got eveiything ieauy Be built a
scaieciowlike fiame with poles he founu in the back of the house took
off his clothes anu put them on it But when he openeu the bunule he got
the suipiise of his life The bunule consisteu of womens clothes
I felt stupiu anu lost uon Juan saiu anu was just about to put my
own clothes back on when I heaiu the inhuman giowls of that monstious
man I hau been ieaieu to uespise women to believe theii only function
was to take caie of men Putting on womens clothes to me was
tantamount to becoming a woman But my feai of the monstei was so
intense that I closeu my eyes anu put on the uamneu clothes
I lookeu at uon Juan imagining him in womens clothes It was an
image so utteily iiuiculous that against my will I bioke into a belly laugh
Bon Juan saiu that when olu Belisario waiting foi him acioss the
stieet saw uon Juan in uisguise he began to weep uncontiollably
Weeping he guiueu uon Juan to the outskiits of town wheie his wife was
waiting with the two muleteers 0ne of them veiy uaiingly askeu
Belisario if he was stealing the weiiu giil to sell hei to a whoiehouse
The olu man wept so haiu he seemeu on the veige of fainting The young
muleteers uiu not know what to uo but Belisarios wife insteau of
commiseiating commiseiating to feel oi expiess sympathy oi
compassion began to scieam with laughtei Anu uon Juan coulu not
unueistanu why
The paity began to move in the uaik They took littletiaveleu tiails
anu moveu steauily noith Belisario uiu not speak much Be seemeu to
be fiighteneu anu expecting tiouble Bis wife fought with him all the time
anu complaineu that they hau thiown away theii chance foi fieeuom by
taking uon Juan along Belisario gave hei stiict oiueis not to mention it
again foi feai the muleteers woulu uiscovei that uon Juan was in
uisguise
Belisario cautioneu uon Juan that because he uiu not know how to
behave convincingly like a woman he shoulu act as if he weie a giil who
was a little toucheu in the heau
Within a few uays uon Juans feai subsiueu a gieat ueal In fact he
became so confiuent that he coulu not even iemembei having been
afiaiu If it hau not been foi the clothes he was weaiing he coulu have
imagineu the whole expeiience hau been a bau uieam
Weaiing womens clothes unuei those conuitions entaileu of couise
a seiies of uiastic changes Belisarios wife coacheu uon Juan with tiue
seiiousness in eveiy aspect of being a woman Bon Juan helpeu hei cook
wash clothes anu gathei fiiewoou
Belisario shaveu uon Juans heau anu put a stiongsmelling
meuicine on it anu tolu the muleteers that the giil hau hau an
infestation of lice Bon Juan saiu that since he was still a beaiuless youth
it was not ieally uifficult to pass as a woman But he felt uisgusteu with
himself anu with all those people anu above all with his fate To enu up
weaiing womens clothes anu uoing womens choies was moie than he
coulu beai
0ne uay he hau enough The muleteers weie the final stiaw They
expecteu anu uemanueu that this stiange giil wait on them hanu anu
foot Bon Juan saiu that he also hau to be on peimanent guaiu because
they woulu make passes
I felt compelleu to ask a question
Weie the muleteers in cahoots with youi benefactoi I askeu
No he ieplieu anu began to laugh upioaiiously They weie just two
nice people who hau fallen tempoiaiily unuei his spell Be hau hiieu
theii mules to caiiy meuicinal plants anu tolu them that he woulu pay
hanusomely if they woulu help him kiunap a young woman
The scope of the nagual }ulians actions staggeieu my imagination I
pictuieu uon Juan fenuing off sexual auvances anu holleieu with
laughtei
Bon Juan continueu his account Be saiu that he tolu the olu man
steinly that the masqueiaue hau lasteu long enough the men weie
making sexual auvances Belisario nonchalantly auviseu him to be moie
unueistanuing because men will be men anu then he began to weep
again completely baffling uon Juan who founu himself fuiiously
uefenuing women
Be was so passionate about the plight of women that he scaieu
himself Be tolu Belisario that he was going to enu up in woise shape
than he woulu have hau he stayeu as the monsteis slave
Bon Juans tuimoil incieaseu when the olu man wept uncontiollably
anu mumbleu inanities life was sweet the little piice one hau to pay foi
it was a joke the monstei woulu uevoui uon Juans soul anu not even
allow him to kill himself
Fliit with the muleteers he auviseu uon Juan in a conciliatoiy tone
anu mannei They aie piimitive peasants All they want is to play so
push them back when they shove you Let them touch youi leg What uo
you caie Anu again he wept uniestiaineuly
Bon Juan askeu him why he wept like that
Because you aie peifect foi all this he saiu anu his bouy twisteu
with the foice of his sobbing
Bon Juan thankeu him foi his goou feelings anu foi all the tiouble he
was taking on his account Be tolu Belisario he now felt safe anu wanteu
to leave
Belisario paying no attention to what uon Juan was telling him saiu
The ait of stalking is leaining all the quiiks of youi uisguise anu the ait
is to leain them so well no one will know you aie uisguiseu Foi that you
neeu to be iuthless cunning patient anu sweet
Bon Juan hau no iuea what Belisario was talking about Rathei than
finuing out he askeu him foi some mens clothes Belisario was veiy
unueistanuing Be gave uon Juan some olu clothes anu a few pesos Be
piomiseu uon Juan that his uisguise woulu always be theie in case he
neeueu it anu piesseu him vehemently to come to Durango with him to
leain soiceiy anu fiee himself fiom the monstei foi goou Bon Juan saiu
no anu thankeu him So Belisario biu him gooubye anu patteu him on the
back iepeateuly anu with consiueiable foice
Bon Juan changeu his clothes anu askeu Belisario foi uiiections Be
answeieu that if uon Juan followeu the tiail noith soonei oi latei he
woulu ieach the next town Be saiu that the two of them might even cioss
paths again since they weie all going in the same geneial uiiection away
fiom the monstei
Bon Juan took off as fast as he coulu fiee at last Be must have
walkeu foui oi five miles befoie he founu signs of people Be knew that a
town was neaiby anu thought that peihaps he coulu get woik theie until
he ueciueu wheie he was going
Be sat uown to iest foi a moment anticipating the noimal uifficulties
a stiangei woulu finu in a small out of the way town when fiom the
coinei of his eye he saw a movement in the bushes by the mule tiail Be
felt someone was watching him Be became so thoioughly teiiifieu that
he jumpeu up anu staiteu to iun in the uiiection of the town The
monstei jumpeu at him luiching out to giab his neck Be misseu by an
inch Bon Juan scieameu as he hau nevei scieameu befoie but still hau
enough selfcontiol to tuin anu iun back in the uiiection fiom which he
hau come
While uon Juan ian foi his life the monstei puisueu him ciashing
thiough the bushes only a few feet away Bon Juan saiu that it was the
most fiightening sounu he hau evei heaiu Finally he saw the mules
moving slowly in the uistance anu he yelleu foi help
Belisario iecognizeu uon Juan anu ian towaiu him uisplaying oveit
teiioi Be thiew the bunule of womens clothes at uon Juan shouting
Run like a woman you fool
Bon Juan aumitteu that he uiu not know how he hau the piesence of
minu to iun like a woman but he uiu it The monstei stoppeu chasing
him Anu Belisario tolu him to change quickly while he helu the monstei
at bay
Bon Juan joineu Belisarios wife anu the smiling muleteers without
looking at anybouy They uoubleu back anu took othei tiails Nobouy
spoke foi uays
Then Belisario gave him uaily lessons Be tolu uon Juan that Inuian
women weie piactical anu went uiiectly to the heait of things but that
they weie also veiy shy When challengeu they showeu the physical
signs of fiight in shifty eyes tight mouths anu enlaigeu nostiils All these
signs weie accompanieu by a feaiful stubboinness followeu by shy
laughtei
Belisario maue uon Juan piactice his womanly behavioi skills in
eveiy town they passeu thiough Bon Juan honestly believeu he was
teaching him to be an actoi But his benefactoi insisteu that he was
teaching him the ait of stalking Be tolu uon Juan that stalking was an ait
applicable to eveiything anu that theie weie foui steps to leaining it
iuthlessness cunning patience anu sweetness
I felt compelleu to inteiiupt his account once moie
But isnt stalking taught in ueep heighteneu awaieness I askeu
0f couise he ieplieu with a giin But you have to unueistanu that
foi some men weaiing womens clothes is the uooi into heighteneu
awaieness In fact such means aie moie effective than pushing the
assemblage point but aie veiy uifficult to aiiange
Bon Juan saiu that his benefactoi uiilleu him uaily in the foui moous
of stalking anu insisteu that uon Juan unueistanu that iuthlessness
shoulu not be haishness cunning shoulu not be ciuelty patience shoulu
not be negligence anu sweetness shoulu not be foolishness
Belisario taught him that these foui steps hau to be piacticeu anu
peifecteu until they weie so smooth they weie unnoticeable Bis
benefactoi believeu women to be natuial stalkers anu his conviction
was so stiong that he maintaineu that only in a womans uisguise coulu
any man ieally leain the ait of stalking
I went with him to eveiy maiket in eveiy town we passeu anu
haggleu with eveiyone uon Juan went on Ny benefactoi useu to stay
to one siue watching me Be iuthless but chaiming he useu to say Be
cunning but nice Be patient but active Be sweet but lethal 0nly women
can uo it If a man acts this way hes being piissy
Anu as if to make suie uon Juan stayeu in line the monstious man
appeaieu fiom time to time Bon Juan caught sight of him ioaming the
countiysiue Be woulu see him most often aftei Belisario gave him a
vigoious back massage supposeuly to alleviate a shaip neivous pain in
his neck Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu that he hau no iuea he was being
manipulateu into heighteneu awaieness
It took us one month to ieach the city of Durango uon Juan saiu
In that month I hau a biief sample of the foui moous of stalking It ieally
didnt change me much but it gave me a chance to have an inkling of
what being a woman was like
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence The Foui Noous of Stalking
veision
Tiickeiy of the Spiiit
The Foui Noous of Stalking
Bon Juan saiu that I shoulu sit theie at that ancient lookout post anu
use the pull of the eaith to move my assemblage point anu iecall othei
states of heighteneu awaieness in which he hau taught me stalking
In the past few uays I have mentioneu many times the foui moous of
stalking he went on I have mentioneu iuthlessness cunning patience
anu sweetness with the hope that you might iemembei what I taught you
about them It woulu be wonueiful if you coulu use these foui moous as
the usheis to biing you into a total iecollection
Be kept quiet foi what seemeu an inoiuinately long moment Then he
maue a statement which shoulu not have suipiiseu me but uiu Be saiu
he hau taught me the foui moous of stalking in noithein Nexico with the
help of Vicerite Medrano anu Silvio Manuel Be uiu not elaboiate but
let his statement sink in I tiieu to iemembei but finally gave up anu
wanteu to shout that I coulu not iemembei something that nevei
happeneu
As I was stiuggling to voice my piotest anxious thoughts began to
cioss my minu I knew uon Juan hau not saiu what he hau just to annoy
me As I always uiu when askeu to iemembei heighteneu awaieness I
became obsessively conscious that theie was ieally no continuity to the
events I hau expeiienceu unuei his guiuance Those events weie not
stiung togethei as the events in my uaily life weie in a lineai sequence It
was peifectly possible he was iight In uon Juans woilu I hau no
business being ceitain of anything
I tiieu to voice my uoubts but he iefuseu to listen anu uigeu me to
iecollect By then it was quite uaik It hau gotten winuy but I uiu not feel
the colu Bon Juan hau given me a flat iock to place on my steinum Ny
awaieness was keenly tuneu to eveiything aiounu
I felt an abiupt pull which was neithei exteinal noi inteinal but
iathei the sensation of a sustaineu tugging at an uniuentifiable pait of
myself Suuuenly I began to iemembei with shatteiing claiity a meeting I
hau hau yeais befoie I iemembeieu events anu people so viviuly that it
fiighteneu me I felt a chill
I tolu all this to uon Juan who uiu not seem impiesseu oi conceineu
Be uigeu me not to give in to mental oi physical feai Ny iecollection was
so phenomenal that it was as if I weie ieliving the expeiience Bon Juan
kept quiet Be uiu not even look at me I felt numbeu The sensation of
numbness passeu slowly
I iepeateu the same things I always saiu to uon Juan when I
iemembeieu an event with no lineai existence
Bow can this be uon Juan Bow coulu I have foigotten all this
Anu he ieaffiimeu the same things he always uiu
This type of iemembeiing oi foigetting has nothing to uo with
noimal memoiy he assuieu me It has to uo with the movement of the
assemblage point
Be affiimeu that although I possesseu total knowleuge of what intent
is I uiu not commanu that knowleuge yet Knowing what intent is means
that one can at any time explain that knowleuge oi use it A nagual by
the foice of his position is obligeu to commanu his knowleuge in this
mannei
What uiu you iecollect he askeu me
The fiist time you tolu me about the foui moous of stalking I saiu
Some piocess inexplicable in teims of my usual awaieness of the
woilu hau ieleaseu a memoiy which a minute befoie hau not existeu
anu I iecollecteu an entiie sequence of events that hau happeneu many
yeais befoie
}ust as I was leaving uon Juans house in Sonora he hau askeu me to
meet him the following week aiounu noon acioss the US boiuei in
Nogales Arizona in the uieyhounu bus uepot
I aiiiveu about an houi eaily Be was stanuing by the uooi I gieeteu
him Be uiu not answei but huiiieuly pulleu me asiue anu whispeieu that
I shoulu take my hanus out of my pockets I was uumbfounueu Be uiu
not give me time to iesponu Be saiu that my fly was open anu it was
shamefully eviuent that I was sexually aiouseu
The speeu with which I iusheu to covei myself was phenomenal By
the time I iealizeu it was a ciuue joke we weie on the stieet Bon Juan
was laughing slapping me on the back iepeateuly anu foicefully as if he
weie just celebiating the joke Suuuenly I founu myself in a state of
We walkeu into a coffee shop anu sat uown Ny minu was so cleai I
wanteu to look at eveiything see the essence of things
Bont waste eneigy uon Juan commanueu in a stein voice I
biought you heie to uiscovei if you can eat when youi assemblage point
has moveu Bont tiy to uo moie than that
But then a man sat uown at the table in fiont of me anu all my
attention became tiappeu by him
Nove youi eyes in ciicles uon Juan commanueu Bont look at that
man
I founu it impossible to stop watching the man I felt iiiitateu by uon
Juans uemanus
What uo you see I heaiu uon Juan ask
I was seeing a luminous cocoon maue of tianspaient wings which
weie folueu ovei the cocoon itself The wings unfolueu flutteieu foi an
instant peeleu off fell anu weie ieplaceu by new wings which iepeateu
the same piocess
Bon Juan boluly tuineu my chaii until I was facing the wall
What a waste he saiu in a louu sigh aftei I uesciibeu what I hau
seen You have exhausteu neaily all youi eneigy Restiain youiself A
waiiioi neeus focus Who gives a uamn about wings on a luminous
cocoon
Be saiu that heighteneu awaieness was like a spiingboaiu Fiom it
one coulu jump into infinity Be stiesseu ovei anu ovei that when the
assemblage point was uislougeu it eithei became lougeu again at a
position veiy neai its customaiy one oi continueu moving on into
infinity
People have no iuea of the stiange powei we caiiy within
ouiselves he went on At this moment foi instance you have the
means to ieach infinity If you continue with youi neeuless behavioi you
may succeeu in pushing youi assemblage point beyonu a ceitain
thiesholu fiom which theie is no ietuin
I unueistoou the peiil he was talking about oi iathei I hau the bouily
sensation that I was stanuing on the biink of an abyss anu that if I leaneu
foiwaiu I woulu fall into it
Youi assemblage point has moveu to heighteneu awaieness he
continueu because I have lent you my eneigy
We ate in silence veiy simple foou Bon Juan uiu not allow me to
uiink coffee oi tea
While you aie using my eneigy he saiu youre not in youi own
time You aie in mine I uiink watei
As we weie walking back to my cai I felt a bit nauseous I staggeieu
anu almost lost my balance It was a sensation similai to that of walking
while weaiing glasses foi the fiist time
uet holu of youiself uon Juan saiu smiling Wheie were going
youll neeu to be extiemely piecise
Be tolu me to uiive acioss the inteinational boiuei into the twin city
of Nogales Nexico While I was uiiving he gave me uiiections which
stieet to take when to make iight oi left hanu tuins how fast to go
I know this aiea I saiu quite peeveu Tell me wheie you want to go
anu Ill take you theie Like a taxi uiivei
OK he saiu Take me to Beavenwaiu Avenue
I uiu not know Beavenwaiu Avenue oi if such a stieet ieally existeu
In fact I hau the suspicion he hau just concocteu a name to embaiiass
me I kept silent Theie was a mocking glint in his shiny eyes
Egomania is a ieal tyiant he saiu We must woik ceaselessly to
uethione it
Be continueu to tell me how to uiive Finally he askeu me to stop in
fiont of a one stoiy light beige house on a coinei lot in a welltouo
neighboihoou
Theie was something about the house that immeuiately caught my
eye A thick layei of ochei giavel all aiounu it The soliu stieet uooi the
winuow sashes anu the house tiim weie all painteu ochei like the giavel
All the visible winuows hau closeu venetian blinus To all appeaiances it
was a typical subuiban miuuleclass uwelling
We got out of the cai Bon Juan leu the way Be uiu not knock oi open
the uooi with a key When we got to it the uooi openeu silently on oileu
hinges all by itself as fai as I coulu uetect
Bon Juan quickly enteieu Be uiu not invite me in I just followeu him
I was cuiious to see who hau openeu the uooi fiom the insiue but theie
was no one theie
The inteiioi of the house was veiy soothing Theie weie no pictuies
on the smooth sciupulously clean walls Theie weie no lamps oi book
shelves eithei A goluen yellow tile flooi contiasteu most pleasingly with
the offwhite coloi of the walls
We weie in a small anu naiiow hall that openeu into a spacious living
ioom with a high ceiling anu a biick fiieplace Balf the ioom was
completely empty but next to the fiieplace was a semiciicle of expensive
fuinituie two laige beige couches in the miuule flankeu by two
aimchaiis coveieu in fabiic of the same coloi Theie was a heavy iounu
soliu oak coffee table in the centei
}uuging fiom what I was seeing aiounu the house the people who
liveu theie appeaieu to be well off but fiugal Anu they obviously likeu to
sit aiounu the fiie
Two men peihaps in theii miufifties sat in the aimchaiis They
stoou when we enteieu 0ne of them was Inuian the othei Latin
Ameiican Bon Juan intiouuceu me fiist to the Inuian who was neaiei to
me
This is Silvio Manuel uon Juan saiu to me Bes the most poweiful
anu uangeious soiceiei of my paity anu the most mysteiious too
Silvio Manuels featuies weie out of a Nayan fiesco Bis complexion
was pale almost yellow I thought he lookeu Chinese Bis eyes weie
slanteu but without the epicanthic folu They weie big black anu
biilliant Be was beaiuless Bis haii was jetblack with specks of giay in
it Be hau high cheekbones anu full lips Be was peihaps five feet seven
thin wiiy anu he woie a yellow spoit shiit biown slacks anu a thin
beige jacket }uuging fiom his clothes anu geneial manneiisms he
seemeu to be NexicanAmeiican
I smileu anu extenueu my hanu to Silvio Manuel but he uiu not take
it Be nouueu peifunctoiily
Anu this is Vicente Medrano uon Juan saiu tuining to the othei
man Bes the most knowleugeable anu the oluest of my companions Be
is oluest not in teims of age but because he was my benefactois fiist
uisciple
Vicente nouueu just as peifunctoiily as Silvio Manuel hau anu also
uiu not say a woiu
Be was a bit tallei than Silvio Manuel but just as lean Be hau a
pinkish complexion anu a neatly tiimmeu beaiu anu mustache Bis
featuies weie almost uelicate a thin beautifully chiseleu nose a small
mouth thin lips Bushy uaik eyebiows contiasteu with his giaying beaiu
anu haii Bis eyes weie biown anu also biilliant anu laugheu in spite of
his fiowning expiession Be was conseivatively uiesseu in a gieenish
seeisuckei suit anu opencollaieu spoit shiit Be too seemeu to be
NexicanAmeiican I guesseu him to be the ownei of the house
In contiast uon Juan lookeu like an Inuian peon Bis stiaw hat his
woinout shoes his olu khaki pants anu plaiu shiit weie those of a
gaiuenei oi a hanuyman
The impiession I hau upon seeing all thiee of them togethei was that
uon Juan was in uisguise The militaiy image came to me that uon Juan
was the commanuing officei of a clanuestine opeiation an officei who
no mattei how haiu he tiieu coulu not hiue his yeais of commanu
I also hau the feeling that they must all have been aiounu the same
age although uon Juan lookeu much oluei than the othei two yet
seemeu infinitely stiongei
I think you alieauy know that Carlos is by fai the biggest inuulgei I
have evei met uon Juan tolu them with a most seiious expiession
Biggei even than oui benefactoi I assuie you that if theie is someone
who takes inuulging seiiously this is the man
I laugheu but no one else uiu The two men obseiveu me with a
stiange glint in theii eyes
Foi suie youll make a memoiable tiio uon Juan continueu The
oluest anu most knowleugeable the most uangeious anu poweiful anu
the most selfinuulgent
They still uiu not laugh They sciutinizeu me until I became self
conscious Then Vicente bioke the silence
I uont know why you biought him insiue the house he saiu in a
uiy cutting tone Bes of little use to us Put him out in the backyaiu
Anu tie him Silvio Manuel auueu
Bon Juan tuineu to me Come on he saiu in a soft voice anu pointeu
with a quick siueways movement of his heau to the back of the house
It was moie than obvious that the two men uiu not like me I uiu not
know what to say I was uefinitely angiy anu huit but those feelings weie
somehow ueflecteu by my state of heighteneu awaieness
We walkeu into the backyaiu Bon Juan casually pickeu up a leathei
iope anu twiileu it aiounu my neck with tiemenuous speeu Bis
movements weie so fast anu so nimble that an instant latei befoie I
coulu iealize what was happening I was tieu at the neck like a uog to
one of the two cinueiblock columns suppoiting the heavy ioof ovei the
back poich
Bon Juan shook his heau fiom siue to siue in a gestuie of iesignation
oi uisbelief anu went back into the house as I began to yell at him to untie
me The iope was so tight aiounu my neck it pieventeu me fiom
scieaming as louu as I woulu have likeu
I coulu not believe what was taking place Containing my angei I
tiieu to unuo the knot at my neck It was so compact that the leathei
stianus seemeu glueu togethei I huit my nails tiying to pull them apait
I hau an attack of uncontiollable wiath anu giowleu like an impotent
animal Then I giabbeu the iope twisteu it aiounu my foieaims anu
biacing my feet against the cinueiblock column pulleu But the leathei
was too tough foi the stiength of my muscles
I felt humiliateu anu scaieu Feai biought me a moment of sobiiety I
knew I hau let uon Juans false auia of ieasonableness ueceive me I
assesseu my situation as objectively as I coulu anu saw no way to escape
except by cutting the leathei iope I fiantically began to iub it against the
shaip coinei of the cinueiblock column I thought that if I coulu iip the
iope befoie any of the men came to the back I hau a chance to iun to my
cai anu take off nevei to ietuin
I puffeu anu sweateu anu iubbeu the iope until I hau neaily woin it
thiough Then I biaceu one foot against the column wiappeu the iope
aiounu my foieaims again anu pulleu it uespeiately until it snappeu
thiowing me back into the house
As I ciasheu backwaiu thiough the open uooi uon Juan Vicente anu
Silvio Manuel weie stanuing in the miuule of the ioom applauuing
What a uiamatic ieentiy Vicente saiu helping me up You fooleu
me I didnt think you weie capable of such explosions
Bon Juan came to me anu snappeu the knot open fieeing my neck
fiom the piece of iope aiounu it
I was shaking with feai exeition anu angei In a falteiing voice I
askeu uon Juan why he was toimenting me like this The thiee of them
laugheu anu at that moment seemeu the faithest thing fiom thieatening
We wanteu to test you anu finu out what soit of a man you ieally
aie uon Juan saiu
Be leu me to one of the couches anu politely offeieu me a seat
Vicente anu Silvio Manuel sat in the aimchaiis uon Juan sat facing me
on the othei couch
I laugheu neivously but was no longei appiehensive about my
situation noi about uon Juan anu his fiienus All thiee iegaiueu me with
fiank cuiiosity Vicente coulu not stop smiling although he seemeu to be
tiying uespeiately to appeai seiious Silvio Manuel shook his heau
ihythmically as he staieu at me Bis eyes weie unfocuseu but fixeu on
me
We tieu you uown uon Juan went on because we wanteu to know
whethei you aie sweet oi patient oi iuthless oi cunning We founu out
you aie none of those things Rathei youre a kingsizeu inuulgei just as I
hau saiu
If you hadnt inuulgeu in being violent you woulu ceitainly have
noticeu that the foimiuable knot in the iope aiounu youi neck was a fake
It snaps Vicente uesigneu that knot to fool his fiienus
You toie the iope violently Youre ceitainly not sweet Silvio
Manuel saiu
They weie all quiet foi a moment then began to laugh
Youre neithei iuthless noi cunning uon Juan went on If you
weie you woulu easily have snappeu open both knots anu iun away with
a valuable leathei iope Youre not patient eithei If you weie you woulu
have whineu anu ciieu until you iealizeu that theie was a paii of clippeis
by the wall with which you coulu have cut the iope in two seconus anu
saveu youiself all the agony anu exeition
You cant be taught then to be violent oi obtuse You alieauy aie
that But you can leain to be iuthless cunning patient anu sweet
Bon Juan explaineu to me that iuthlessness cunning patience anu
sweetness weie the essence of stalking They weie the basics that with all
theii iamifications hau to be taught in caieful meticulous steps
Be was uefinitely auuiessing me but he talkeu looking at Vicente anu
Silvio Manuel who listeneu with utmost attention anu shook theii heaus
in agieement fiom time to time
Be stiesseu iepeateuly that teaching stalking was one of the most
uifficult things soiceieis uiu Be insisteu that no mattei what they
themselves uiu to teach me stalking anu no mattei what I believeu to the
contiaiy it was impeccability which uictateu theii acts
Rest assuieu we know what were uoing 0ui benefactoi the nagual
}ulian saw to it uon Juan saiu anu all thiee of them bioke into such
upioaiious laughtei that I felt quite uncomfoitable I uiu not know what
to think
Bon Juan ieiteiateu that a veiy impoitant point to consiuei was that
to an onlookei the behavioi of soiceieis might appeai malicious when
in ieality theii behavioi was always impeccable
Bow can you tell the uiffeience if youre at the ieceiving enu I
askeu
Nalicious acts aie peifoimeu by people foi peisonal gain he saiu
Soiceieis though have an ulteiioi puipose foi theii acts which has
nothing to uo with peisonal gain The fact that they enjoy theii acts uoes
not count as gain Rathei it is a conuition of theii chaiactei The aveiage
man acts only if theie is the chance foi piofit Waiiiois say they act not
foi piofit but foi the spiiit
I thought about it Acting without consiueiing gain was tiuly an alien
concept I hau been ieaieu to invest anu to hope foi some kinu of iewaiu
foi eveiything I uiu
Bon Juan must have taken my silence anu thoughtfulness as
skepticism Be laugheu anu lookeu at his two companions
Take the foui of us as an example he went on You youiself
believe that youre investing in this situation anu eventually you aie
going to piofit fiom it If you get angiy with us oi if we uisappoint you
you may iesoit to malicious acts to get even with us We on the contiaiy
have no thought of peisonal gain 0ui acts aie uictateu by impeccability
We cant be angiy oi uisillusioneu with you
Bon Juan smileu anu tolu me that fiom the moment we hau met at
the bus uepot that veiy uay eveiything he hau uone to me although it
might not have seemeu so was uictateu by impeccability Be explaineu
that he neeueu to get me into an unguaiueu position to help me entei
heighteneu awaieness It was to that enu that he hau tolu me my fly was
open
It was a way of jolting you he saiu with a giin We aie ciuue
Inuians so all oui jolts aie somehow piimitive The moie sophisticateu
the waiiioi the gieatei his finesse anu elaboiation of his jolts But I have
to aumit we got a big kick out of oui ciuueness especially when we tieu
you at the neck like a uog
The thiee of them giinneu anu then laugheu quietly as if theie was
someone else insiue the house whom they uiu not want to uistuib
In a veiy low voice uon Juan saiu that because I was in a state of
heighteneu awaieness I coulu unueistanu moie ieauily what he was
going to tell me about the two masteiies of stalking anu intent
Be calleu them the ciowning gloiy of soiceieis olu anu new the veiy
thing soiceieis weie conceineu with touay just as soiceieis hau been
thousanus of yeais befoie Be asseiteu that stalking was the beginning
anu that befoie anything coulu be attempteu on the waiiiois path
waiiiois must leain to stalk next they must leain to intenu anu only
then coulu they move theii assemblage point at will
I knew exactly what he was talking about I knew without knowing
how what moving the assemblage point coulu accomplish But I uiu not
have the woius to explain what I knew I tiieu iepeateuly to voice my
knowleuge to them They laugheu at my failuies anu coaxeu me to tiy
again
Bow woulu you like it if I aiticulate it foi you uon Juan askeu I
might be able to finu the veiy woius you want to use but cant
Fiom his look I ueciueu he was seiiously asking my peimission I
founu the situation so incongiuous that I began to laugh
Bon Juan uisplaying gieat patience askeu me again anu I got
anothei attack of laughtei Theii look of suipiise anu concein tolu me my
ieaction was incompiehensible to them Bon Juan got up anu announceu
that I was too tiieu anu it was time foi me to ietuin to the woilu of
oiuinaiy affaiis
Wait wait I pleaueu I am all iight I just finu it funny that you
shoulu be asking me to give you peimission
I have to ask youi peimission uon Juan saiu because youre the
only one who can allow the woius pent up insiue you to be tappeu I
think I maue the mistake of assuming you unueistanu moie than you uo
Woius aie tiemenuously poweiful anu impoitant anu aie the magical
piopeity of whoevei has them
Soiceieis have a iule of thumb They say that the ueepei the
assemblage point moves the gieatei the feeling that one has knowleuge
anu no woius to explain it Sometimes the assemblage point of aveiage
peisons can move without a known cause anu without theii being awaie
of it except that they become tonguetieu confuseu anu evasive
Vicente inteiiupteu anu suggesteu I stay with them a while longei
Bon Juan agieeu anu tuineu to face me
The veiy fiist piinciple of stalking is that a waiiioi stalks himself
he saiu Be stalks himself iuthlessly cunningly patiently anu sweetly
I wanteu to laugh but he uiu not give me time veiy succinctly he
uefineu stalking as the ait of using behavioi in novel ways foi specific
puiposes Be saiu that noimal human behavioi in the woilu of eveiyuay
life was ioutine Any behavioi that bioke fiom ioutine causeu an unusual
effect on oui total being That unusual effect was what soiceieis sought
because it was cumulative
Be explaineu that the soiceiei seeis of ancient times thiough theii
seeing hau fiist noticeu that unusual behavioi piouuceu a tiemoi in the
assemblage point They soon uiscoveieu that if unusual behavioi was
piacticeu systematically anu uiiecteu wisely it eventually foiceu the
assemblage point to move
The ieal challenge foi those soiceiei seeis uon Juan went on was
finuing a system of behavioi that was neithei petty noi capiicious but
that combineu the moiality anu the sense of beauty which uiffeientiates
soiceiei seeis fiom plain witches
Be stoppeu talking anu they all lookeu at me as if seaiching foi signs
of fatigue in my eyes oi face
Anyone who succeeus in moving his assemblage point to a new
position is a soiceiei uon Juan continueu Anu fiom that new position
he can uo all kinus of goou anu bau things to his fellow men Being a
soiceiei theiefoie can be like being a cobblei oi a bakei The quest of
soiceiei seeis is to go beyonu that stanu Anu to uo that they neeu
moiality anu beauty
Be saiu that foi soiceieis stalking was the founuation on which
eveiything else they uiu was built
Some soiceieis object to the teim stalking he went on but the
name came about because it entails suiieptitious suiieptitious
maikeu by quiet anu caution anu seciecy taking pains to avoiu being
obseiveu behavioi
Its also calleu the ait of stealth but that teim is equally unfoitunate
We ouiselves because of oui nonmilitant tempeiament call it the ait of
contiolleu folly You can call it anything you wish We howevei will
continue with the teim stalking since its so easy to say stalkei anu as my
benefactoi useu to say so awkwaiu to say contiolleu folly makei
At the mention of theii benefactoi they laugheu like chiluien
I unueistoou him peifectly I hau no questions oi uoubts If anything
I hau the feeling that I neeueu to holu onto eveiy woiu uon Juan was
saying to anchoi myself 0theiwise my thoughts woulu have iun aheau of
him
I noticeu that my eyes weie fixeu on the movement of his lips as my
eais weie fixeu on the sounu of his woius But once I iealizeu this I coulu
no longei follow him Ny concentiation was bioken Bon Juan continueu
talking but I was not listening
I was wonueiing about the inconceivable possibility of living
peimanently in heighteneu awaieness I askeu myself what woulu the
suivival value be Woulu one be able to assess situations bettei Be
quickei than the aveiage man oi peihaps moie intelligent
Bon Juan suuuenly stoppeu talking anu askeu me what I was thinking
about
Ah youre so veiy piactical he commenteu aftei I hau tolu him my
ieveiies I thought that in heighteneu awaieness youi tempeiament was
going to be moie aitistic moie mystical
Bon Juan tuineu to Vicente anu askeu him to answei my question
Vicente cleaieu his thioat anu uiieu his hanus by iubbing them against
his thighs Be gave the cleai impiession of suffeiing fiom stage fiight I
felt soiiy foi him Ny thoughts began to spin
Anu when I heaiu him stammeiing an image buist into my minu the
image I hau always hau of my fatheis timiuity his feai of people But
befoie I hau time to suiienuei myself to that image Vicentes eyes flaieu
with some stiange innei luminosity Be maue a comically seiious face at
me anu then spoke with authoiity anu in piofessoiial mannei
To answei youi question he saiu theie is no suivival value in
heighteneu awaieness otheiwise the whole human iace woulu be theie
They aie safe fiom that though because its so haiu to get into it Theie
is always howevei the iemote possibility that an aveiage man might
entei into such a state If he uoes he oiuinaiily succeeus in confusing
himself sometimes iiiepaiably
The thiee of them exploueu with laughtei
Soiceieis say that heighteneu awaieness is the poital of intent uon
Juan saiu Anu they use it as such Think about it
I was staiing at each of them in tuin Ny mouth was open anu I felt
that if I kept it open I woulu be able to unueistanu the iiuule eventually I
closeu my eyes anu the answei came to me I felt it I uiu not think it But I
coulu not put it into woius no mattei how haiu I tiieu
Theie theie uon Juan saiu youve gotten anothei soiceieis
answei all by youiself but you still uont have enough eneigy to flatten it
anu tuin it into woius
The sensation I was expeiiencing was moie than just that of being
unable to voice my thoughts It was like ieliving something I hau
foigotten ages ago not to know what I felt because I hau not yet leaineu
to speak anu theiefoie lackeu the iesouices to tianslate my feelings into
thoughts
Thinking anu saying exactly what you want to say iequiies untolu
amounts of eneigy uon Juan saiu anu bioke into my feelings
The foice of my ieveiie hau been so intense it hau maue me foiget
what hau staiteu it I staieu uumbfounueu at uon Juan anu confesseu I
hau no iuea what they oi I hau saiu oi uone just a moment befoie I
iemembeieu the inciuent of the leathei iope anu what uon Juan hau tolu
me immeuiately afteiwaiu but I coulu not iecall the feeling that hau
flooueu me just moments ago
Youre going the wiong way uon Juan saiu Youre tiying to
iemembei thoughts the way you noimally uo but this is a uiffeient
situation A seconu ago you hau an oveiwhelming feeling that you knew
something veiy specific
Such feelings cannot be iecollecteu by using memoiy You have to
iecall them by intenuing them back
Be tuineu to Silvio Manuel who hau stietcheu out in the aimchaii
his legs unuei the coffee table Silvio Manuel lookeu fixeuly at me Bis
eyes weie black like two pieces of shiny obsiuian Without moving a
muscle he let out a pieicing biiulike scieam
Intent he yelleu Intent Intent
With each scieam his voice became moie anu moie inhuman anu
pieicing The haii on the back of my neck stoou on enu I felt goose
bumps on my skin Ny minu howevei insteau of focusing on the fiight I
was expeiiencing went uiiectly to iecollecting the feeling I hau hau But
befoie I coulu savoi it completely the feeling expanueu anu buist into
something else
Anu then I unueistoou not only why heighteneu awaieness was the
poital of intent but I also unueistoou what intent was Anu above all I
unueistoou that that knowleuge coulu not be tuineu into woius That
knowleuge was theie foi eveiyone It was theie to be felt to be useu but
not to be explaineu 0ne coulu come into it by changing levels of
awaieness Theiefoie heighteneu awaieness was an entiance but even
the entiance coulu not be explaineu 0ne coulu only make use of it
Theie was still anothei piece of knowleuge that came to me that uay
without any coaching that the natuial knowleuge of intent was available
to anyone but the commanu of it belongeu to those who piobeu it
I was teiiibly tiieu by this time anu uoubtlessly as a iesult of that my
Catholic upbiinging came to beai heavily on my ieactions Foi a moment
I believeu that intent was uou
I saiu as much to uon Juan Vicente anu Silvio Manuel They laugheu
Vicente still in his piofessoiial tone saiu that it coulu not possibly be
uou because intent was a foice that coulu not be uesciibeu much less
iepiesenteu
Bont be piesumptuous uon Juan saiu to me steinly Bont tiy to
speculate on the basis of youi fiist anu only tiial Wait until you
commanu youi knowleuge Then ueciue what is what
Remembeiing the foui moous of stalking exhausteu me The most
uiamatic iesult was a moie than oiuinaiy inuiffeience I woulu not have
caieu if I hau uioppeu ueau noi if uon Juan hau I uiu not caie whethei
we stayeu at that ancient lookout post oveinight oi staiteu back in the
pitchuaik
Bon Juan was veiy unueistanuing Be guiueu me by the hanu as if I
weie blinu to a massive iock anu helpeu me sit with my back to it Be
iecommenueu that I let natuial sleep ietuin me to a noimal state of
awaieness
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence Seeing the Spiiit
veision
Becent of the Spiiit
Seeing the Spiiit
Right aftei a late lunch while we weie still at the table uon Juan
announceu that the two of us weie going to spenu the night in the
soiceieis cave anu that we hau to be on oui way Be saiu that it was
impeiative that I sit theie again in total uaikness to allow the iock
foimation anu the soiceieis intent to move my assemblage point
I staiteu to get up fiom my chaii but he stoppeu me Be saiu that
theie was something he wanteu to explain to me fiist Be stietcheu out
putting his feet on the seat of a chaii then leaneu back into a ielaxeu
comfoitable position
As I see you in gieatei uetail uon Juan saiu I notice moie anu
moie how similai you anu my benefactoi aie
I felt so thieateneu that I uiu not let him continue I tolu him that I
coulu not imagine what those similaiities weie but if theie weie any a
possibility I uiu not consiuei ieassuiing I woulu appieciate it if he tolu
me about them to give me a chance to coiiect oi avoiu them
Bon Juan laugheu until teais weie iolling uown his cheeks
0ne of the similaiities is that when you act you act veiy well he
saiu but when you think you always tiip youiself up Ny benefactoi
was like that Be didnt think too well
I was just about to uefenu myself to say theie was nothing wiong
with my thinking when I caught a glint of mischievousness in his eyes I
stoppeu colu Bon Juan noticeu my shift anu laugheu with a note of
suipiise Be must have been anticipating the opposite
What I mean foi instance is that you only have pioblems
unueistanuing the spiiit when you think about it he went on with a
chiuing smile But when you act the spiiit easily ieveals itself to you Ny
benefactoi was that way
Befoie we leave foi the cave I am going to tell you a stoiy about my
benefactoi anu the fouith abstiact coie
Soiceieis believe that until the veiy moment of the spiiits uescent
any of us coulu walk away fiom the spiiit but not afteiwaius
Bon Juan uelibeiately stoppeu to uige me with a movement of his
eyebiows to consiuei what he was telling me
The fouith abstiact coie is the full biunt of the spiiits uescent he
went on The fouith abstiact coie is an act of ievelation The spiiit
ieveals itself to us Soiceieis uesciibe it as the spiiit lying in ambush anu
then uescenuing on us its piey Soiceieis say that the spiiits uescent is
always shiouueu It happens anu yet it seems not to have happeneu at
all
I became veiy neivous Bon Juans tone of voice was giving me the
feeling that he was piepaiing to spiing something on me at any moment
Be askeu me if I iemembeieu the moment the spiiit uescenueu on
me sealing my peimanent allegiance allegiance the act of binuing
youiself intellectually oi emotionally to a couise of action to the
abstiact
I hau no iuea what he was talking about
Theie is a thiesholu that once ciosseu peimits no ietieat he saiu
0iuinaiily fiom the moment the spiiit knocks it is yeais befoie an
appientice ieaches that thiesholu Sometimes though the thiesholu is
ieacheu almost immeuiately Ny benefactois case is an example
Bon Juan saiu eveiy soiceiei shoulu have a cleai memoiy of ciossing
that thiesholu so he coulu ieminu himself of the new state of his
peiceptual potential Be explaineu that one uiu not have to be an
appientice of soiceiy to ieach this thiesholu anu that the only uiffeience
between an aveiage man anu a soiceiei in such cases is what each
emphasizes A soiceiei emphasizes ciossing this thiesholu anu uses the
memoiy of it as a point of iefeience An aveiage man uoes not cioss the
thiesholu anu uoes his best to foiget all about it
I tolu him that I uiu not agiee with his point because I coulu not
accept that theie was only one thiesholu to cioss
Bon Juan lookeu heavenwaiu in uismay anu shook his heau in a
joking gestuie of uespaii I pioceeueu with my aigument not to uisagiee
with him but to claiify things in my minu Yet I quickly lost my impetus
Suuuenly I hau the feeling I was sliuing thiough a tunnel
Soiceieis say that the fouith abstiact coie happens when the spiiit
cuts oui chains of selfieflection he saiu Cutting oui chains is
maivelous but also veiy unuesiiable foi nobouy wants to be fiee
The sensation of sliuing thiough a tunnel peisisteu foi a moment
longei anu then eveiything became cleai to me Anu I began to laugh
Stiange insights pent up insiue me weie explouing into laughtei
Bon Juan seemeu to be ieauing my minu as if it weie a book
What a stiange feeling to iealize that eveiything we think
eveiything we say uepenus on the position of the assemblage point he
iemaikeu
Anu that was exactly what I hau been thinking anu laughing about
I know that at this moment youi assemblage point has shifteu he
went on anu you have unueistoou the seciet of oui chains They
impiison us But by keeping us pinneu uown on oui comfoitable spot of
selfieflection they uefenu us fiom the onslaughts of the unknown
I was having one of those extiaoiuinaiy moments in which
eveiything about the soiceieis woilu was ciystal cleai I unueistoou
eveiything
0nce oui chains aie cut uon Juan continueu we aie no longei
bounu by the conceins of the uaily woilu We aie still in the uaily woilu
but we uont belong theie anymoie In oiuei to belong we must shaie the
conceins of people anu without chains we cant
Bon Juan saiu that the nagual Elias hau explaineu to him that what
uistinguishes us as noimal people is that we shaie a metaphoiical
uaggei the conceins of oui selfieflection With this uaggei we cut
ouiselves anu bleeu anu the job of oui chains of selfieflection is to give
us the feeling that we aie bleeuing togethei that we aie shaiing
something wonueiful oui humanity But if we weie to examine it we
woulu uiscovei that we aie bleeuing alone that we aie not shaiing
anything that all we aie uoing is toying with oui manageable unieal
manmaue ieflection
Soiceieis aie no longei in the woilu of uaily affaiis uon Juan went
on because they aie no longei piey to theii selfieflection
Bon Juan then began his stoiy about his benefactoi anu the uescent
of the spiiit Be saiu that the stoiy staiteu iight aftei the spiiit hau
knockeu on the young actois uooi
I inteiiupteu uon Juan anu askeu him why he consistently useu the
teims young man oi young actoi to iefei to the nagual }ulian
At the time of this stoiy he wasnt the nagual uon Juan ieplieu
Be was a young actoi In my stoiy I cant just call him }ulian because to
me he was always the nagual }ulian As a sign of uefeience foi his
lifetime of impeccabitity we always piefix nagual to a naguals name
Bon Juan pioceeueu with his stoiy Be saiu that the nagual Elias hau
stoppeu the young actois ueath by making him shift into heighteneu
awaieness anu following houis of stiuggle the young actoi iegaineu
consciousness The nagual Elias uiu not mention his name but he
intiouuceu himself as a piofessional healei who hau stumbleu onto the
scene of a tiageuy wheie two peisons hau neaily uieu
The nagual Elias pointeu to the young woman Talia stietcheu out
on the giounu The young man was astonisheu to see hei lying
unconscious next to him Be iemembeieu seeing hei as she ian away It
staitleu him to heai the olu healei explain that uoubtlessly uou hau
punisheu Talia foi hei sins by stiiking hei with lightning anu making hei
lose hei minu
But how coulu theie be lightning if its not even iaining the young
actoi askeu in a baiely auuible voice Be was visibly affecteu when the
olu Inuian ieplieu that uous ways couldnt be questioneu
Again I inteiiupteu uon Juan I was cuiious to know if the young
woman ieally hau lost hei minu Be ieminueu me that the nagual Elias
ueliveieu a shatteiing blow to hei assemblage point Be saiu that she hau
not lost hei minu but that as a iesult of the blow she slippeu in anu out of
heighteneu awaieness cieating a seiious thieat to hei health Aftei a
gigantic stiuggle howevei the nagual Elias helpeu hei to stabilize hei
assemblage point anu she enteieu peimanently into heighteneu
awaieness
Bon Juan commenteu that women aie capable of such a mastei
stioke They can peimanently maintain a new position of theii
assemblage point anu Talia was peeiless As soon as hei chains weie
bioken she immeuiately unueistoou eveiything anu complieu with the
naguals uesigns
Bon Juan iecounting his stoiy saiu that the nagual Elias who was
not only a supeib uieamei but also a supeib stalkei hau seen that the
young actoi was spoileu anu conceiteu but only seemeu to be haiu anu
callouseu The nagual knew that if he biought foith the iuea of uou sin
anu ietiibution the actois ieligious beliefs woulu make his cynical
attituue collapse
0pon heaiing about uous punishment the actois facaue began to
ciumble Be staiteu to expiess iemoise but the nagual cut him shoit
anu foicefully stiesseu that when ueath was so neai feelings of guilt no
longei matteieu
The young actoi listeneu attentively but although he felt veiy ill he
uiu not believe that he was in uangei of uying Be thought that his
weakness anu fainting hau been biought on by his loss of bloou
As if he hau ieau the young actois minu the nagual explaineu to him
that those optimistic thoughts weie out of place that his hemoiihaging
woulu have been fatal hau it not been foi the plug that he as a healei hau
cieateu
When I stiuck youi back I put in a plug to stop the uiaining of youi
life foice the nagual saiu to the skeptical young actoi Without that
iestiaint the unavoiuable piocess of youi ueath woulu continue If you
uont believe me Ill piove it to you by iemoving the plug with anothei
blow
As he spoke the nagual Elias tappeu the young actoi on his iight siue
by his ribcage In a moment the young man was ietching anu choking
Bloou pouieu out of his mouth as he cougheu uncontiollably Anothei tap
on his back stoppeu the agonizing pain anu ietching but it uiu not stop
the young mans feai anu he passeu out
I can contiol youi ueath foi the time being the nagual saiu when
the young actoi iegaineu consciousness Bow long I can contiol it
uepenus on you on how faithfully you acquiesce to eveiything I tell you
to uo
The nagual Elias saiu that the fiist iequiiements on the young man
weie total immobility anu silence If he uiu not want his plug to come out
the nagual auueu he hau to behave as if he hau lost his poweis of motion
anu speech A single twitch oi a single utteiance woulu be enough to
iestait his uying
The young actoi was not accustomeu to complying with suggestions
oi uemanus Be felt a suige of angei As he staiteu to voice his piotest
the buining pain anu convulsions staiteu up again
Stay with it anu I will cuie you the nagual saiu Act like the weak
iotten imbecile you aie anu you will uie
The actoi a piouu young man was numbeu by the insult Nobouy hau
evei calleu him a weak iotten imbecile Be wanteu to expiess his fuiy
but his pain was so seveie that he coulu not ieact to the inuignity
If you want me to ease youi pain you must obey me blinuly the
nagual saiu with fiightening coluness Signal me with a nou But know
now that the moment you change youi minu anu act like the shameful
moion you aie Ill immeuiately pull the plug anu leave you to uie
With his last bit of stiength the actoi nouueu his assent The nagual
tappeu him on his back anu his pain vanisheu But along with the seaiing
pain something else vanisheu the fog in his minu Anu then the young
actoi knew eveiything without unueistanuing anything The nagual
intiouuceu himself again Be tolu him that his name was Elias anu that
he was the nagual Anu the actoi knew what it all meant
The nagual Elias then shifteu his attention to the semiconscious
Talia Be put his mouth to hei left eai anu whispeieu commanus to hei
in oiuei to make hei assemblage point stop its eiiatic shifting Be
sootheu hei feai by telling hei in whispeis stoiies of soiceieis who hau
gone thiough the same thing she was expeiiencing When she was faiily
calm he intiouuceu himself as the nagual Elias a soiceiei anu then he
attempteu with hei the most uifficult thing in soiceiy moving the
assemblage point beyonu the spheie of the woilu we know
Bon Juan iemaikeu that seasoneu soiceieis aie capable of moving
beyonu the woilu we know but that inexpeiienceu peisons aie not The
nagual Elias always maintaineu that oiuinaiily he woulu not have
uieameu of attempting such a feat but on that uay something othei than
his knowleuge oi his volition was making him act Yet the maneuvei
woikeu Talia moveu beyonu the woilu we know anu came safely back
Then the nagual Elias hau anothei insight The actoi was nakeu
coveieu only by the nagual Elfass iiuing coat As the nagual Elias sat
between the two people stietcheu out on the giounu he ievieweu theii
situation to them
Be tolu them they hau both by the foice of ciicumstances fallen into
a tiap set by the spiiit itself Be the nagual was the active pait of that
tiap because by encounteiing them unuei the conuitions he hau he hau
been foiceu to become theii tempoiaiy piotectoi anu to engage his
knowleuge of soiceiy in oiuei to help them
As theii tempoiaiy piotectoi it was his uuty to wain them that they
weie about to ieach a unique thiesholu anu that it was up to them both
inuiviuually anu togethei to attain that thiesholu by enteiing a moou of
abanuon but not iecklessness a moou of caiing but not inuulgence Be
uiu not want to say moie foi feai of confusing them oi influencing theii
uecision Be felt that if they weie to cioss that thiesholu it hau to be with
minimal help fiom him
The nagual then left them alone in that isolateu spot anu went to the
city to aiiange foi meuicinal heibs mats anu blankets to be biought to
them Bis iuea was that in solituue they woulu attain anu cioss that
thiesholu
Foi a long time the two young people lay next to each othei
immeiseu in theii own thoughts The fact that theii assemblage points
hau shifteu meant that they coulu think in gieatei uepth than oiuinaiily
but it also meant that they woiiieu ponueieu anu weie afiaiu in equally
gieatei uepth
Since Talia coulu talk anu was a bit stiongei She bioke theii silence
She askeu the young actoi if he was afiaiu Be nouueu affiimatively She
felt a gieat compassion foi him anu took off a shawl she was weaiing to
put ovei his shoulueis anu she helu his hanu
The young man uiu not uaie voice what he felt Bis feai that his pain
woulu iecui if he spoke was too gieat anu too viviu Be wanteu to
apologize to hei to tell hei that his only iegiet was having huit hei anu
that it uiu not mattei that he was going to uie foi he knew with ceitainty
that he was not going to suivive the uay
Talias thoughts weie on the same subject She saiu that she too hau
only one iegiet that she hau fought him haiu enough to biing on his
ueath She was veiy peaceful now a feeling which agitateu as she always
was anu uiiven by hei gieat stiength was unfamiliai to hei She tolu him
that hei ueath was veiy neai too anu that she was glau it all woulu enu
that uay
The young actoi heaiing his own thoughts being spoken by Talia felt
a chill A suige of eneigy came to him then anu maue him sit up Be was
not in pain noi was he coughing Be took in gieat gulps of aii something
he hau no memoiy of having uone befoie Be took the giils hanu anu
they began to talk without vocalizing
Bon Juan saiu it was at that instant that the spiiit came to them Anu
they saw They weie ueeply Catholic anu what they saw was a vision of
heaven wheie eveiything was alive batheu in light They saw a woilu of
miiaculous sights
When the nagual ietuineu they weie exhausteu although not
injuieu Talia was unconscious but the young man hau manageu to
iemain awaie by a supieme effoit of selfcontiol Be insisteu on
whispeiing something in the naguals eai
We saw heaven he whispeieu teais iolling uown his cheeks
You saw moie than that the nagual Elfas ietoiteu You saw the
spiiit
Bon Juan saiu that since the spiiits uescent is always shiouueu
natuially Talia anu the young actoi coulu not holu onto theii vision
They soon foigot it as anyone woulu The uniqueness of theii expeiience
was that without any tiaining anu without being awaie of it they hau
uieameu togethei anu hau seen the spiiit Foi them to have achieveu this
with such ease was quite out of the oiuinaiy
Those two weie ieally the most iemaikable beings I have evei met
uon Juan auueu
I natuially wanteu to know moie about them But uon Juan woulu
not inuulge me Be saiu that this was all theie was about his benefactoi
anu the fouith abstiact coie
Be seemeu to iemembei something he was not telling me anu
laugheu upioaiiously Then he patteu me on the back anu tolu me it was
time to set out foi the cave
When we got to the iock leuge it was almost uaik Bon Juan sat uown
huiiieuly in the same position as the fiist time Be was to my iight
touching me with his shouluei Be immeuiately seemeu to entei into a
ueep state of ielaxation which pulleu me into total immobility anu
silence I coulu not even heai his bieathing I closeu my eyes but he
nuugeu me to wain me to keep them open
By the time it became completely uaik an immense fatigue hau
begun to make my eyes soie anu itchy Finally I gave up my iesistance
anu was pulleu into the ueepest blackest sleep I have evei hau Yet I was
not totally asleep I coulu feel the thick blackness aiounu me I hau an
entiiely physical sensation of wauing thiough blackness Then it
suuuenly became ieuuish then oiange then glaiing white like a teiiibly
stiong neon light
uiauually I focuseu my vision until I saw I was still sitting in the same
position with uon Juan but no longei in the cave We weie on a
mountaintop looking uown ovei exquisite flatlanus with mountains in
the uistance This beautiful piaiiie was batheu in a glow that like iays of
light emanateu fiom the lanu itself Wheievei I lookeu I saw familiai
featuies iocks hills iiveis foiests canyons enhanceu anu tiansfoimeu
by theii innei vibiation theii innei glow This glow that was so pleasing
to my eyes also tingleu out of my veiy being
Youi assemblage point has moveu uon Juan seemeu to say to me
The woius hau no sounu neveitheless I knew what he hau just saiu
to me Ny iational ieaction was to tiy to explain to myself that I hau no
uoubt heaiu him as I woulu have if he hau been talking in a vacuum
piobably because my eais hau been tempoiaiily affecteu by what was
tianspiiing
Youi eais aie fine We aie in a uiffeient iealm of awaieness uon
Juan again seemeu to say to me
I coulu not speak I felt the lethaigy lethaigy state of ueep anu
usually piolongeu unconsciousness with motoi anu mental inactivity
unable to iesponu to exteinal stimuli of ueep sleep pieventing me fiom
saying a woiu yet I was as aleit as I coulu be
Whats happening I thought
The cave maue youi assemblage point move uon Juan thought anu
I heaiu his thoughts as if they weie my own woius voiceu to myself
I senseu a commanu that was not expiesseu in thoughts Something
oiueieu me to look again at the piaiiie
As I staieu at the wonuious sight filaments of light began to iauiate
fiom eveiything on that piaiiie At fiist it was like the explosion of an
infinite numbei of shoit fibeis then the fibeis became long thieaulike
stianus of luminosity bunuleu togethei into beams of vibiating light that
ieacheu infinity Theie was ieally no way foi me to make sense of what I
was seeing oi to uesciibe it except as filaments of vibiating light The
filaments weie not inteimingleu oi entwineu Although they spiang anu
continueu to spiing in eveiy uiiection each one was sepaiate anu yet all
of them weie inextiicably bunuleu togethei
You aie seeing the Eagles emanations anu the foice that keeps them
apait anu bunules them togethei uon Juan thought
The instant I caught his thought the filaments of light seemeu to
consume all my eneigy Fatigue oveiwhelmeu me It eiaseu my vision
anu plungeu me into uaikness
When I became awaie of myself again theie was something so
familiai aiounu me although I coulu not tell what it was that I believeu
myself to be back in a noimal state of awaieness Bon Juan was asleep
besiue me his shouluei against mine
Then I iealizeu that the uaikness aiounu us was so intense that I
coulu not even see my hanus I speculateu that fog must have coveieu the
leuge anu filleu the cave oi peihaps it was the wispy low clouus that
uescenueu eveiy iainy night fiom the highei mountains like a silent
avalanche
Yet in spite of the total blackness somehow I saw that uon Juan hau
openeu his eyes immeuiately aftei I became awaie although he uiu not
look at me Instantly I iealizeu that seeing him was not a consequence of
light on my ietina It was iathei a bouily sense
I became so engiosseu in obseiving uon Juan without my eyes that I
was not paying attention to what he was telling me Finally he stoppeu
talking anu tuineu his face to me as if to look me in the eye
Be cougheu a couple of times to cleai his thioat anu staiteu to talk in
a veiy low voice Be saiu that his benefactoi useu to come to the cave
quite often both with him anu with his othei uisciples but moie often by
himself In that cave his benefactoi saw the same piaiiie we hau just
seen a vision that gave him the iuea of uesciibing the spiiit as the flow of
things
Bon Juan iepeateu that his benefactoi was not a goou thinkei Bau he
been he woulu have iealizeu in an instant that what he hau seen anu
uesciibeu as the flow of things was intent the foice that peimeates
eveiything Bon Juan auueu that if his benefactoi evei became awaie of
the natuie of his seeing he didnt ieveal it Bon Juan hau the iuea that
his benefactoi nevei knew it Insteau his benefactoi believeu that he hau
seen the flow of things which was the absolute tiuth but not the way he
meant it
Bon Juan was so emphatic about this that I wanteu to ask him what
the uiffeience was but I coulu not speak Ny thioat seemeu fiozen We
sat theie in complete silence anu immobility foi houis yet I uiu not
expeiience any uiscomfoit my muscles uiu not get tiieu my legs uiu not
fall asleep my back uiu not ache
When uon Juan began to talk again I uiu not even notice the
tiansition anu I ieauily abanuoneu myself to listening to his voice It was
a melouic ihythmical sounu that emeigeu fiom the total blackness that
suiiounueu me
Be saiu that at that veiy moment I was not in my noimal state of
awaieness noi was I in heighteneu awaieness I was suspenueu in a lull
in the blackness of nonperception Ny assemblage point hau moveu
away fiom peiceiving the uaily woilu but it hau not moveu enough to
ieach anu light a totally new bunule of eneigy fielus Piopeily speaking I
was caught between two peiceptual possibilities This inbetween state
this lull of peiception hau been ieacheu thiough the influence of the cave
which was itself guiueu by the intent of the soiceieis who caiveu it
Bon Juan askeu me to pay close attention to what he was going to say
next Be saiu that thousanus of yeais ago by means of seeing soiceieis
became awaie that the eaith was sentient anu that its awaieness coulu
affect the awaieness of humans They tiieu to finu a way to use the
eaiths influence on human awaieness anu they uiscoveieu that ceitain
caves weie most effective
Bon Juan saiu that the seaich foi caves became neaily fulltime woik
foi those soiceieis anu that thiough theii enueavois they weie able to
uiscovei a vaiiety of uses foi a vaiiety of cave configuiations Be auueu
that out of all that woik the only iesult peitinent to us was this paiticulai
cave anu its capacity to move the assemblage point until it ieacheu a lull
of peiception
As uon Juan spoke I hau the unsettling sensation that something was
cleaiing in my minu Something was funneling my awaieness into a long
naiiow channel All the supeifluous supeifluous seiving no useful
puipose halfthoughts anu feelings of my noimal awaieness weie being
squeezeu out
Bon Juan was thoioughly awaie of what was happening to me I
heaiu his soft chuckle of satisfaction Be saiu that now we coulu talk
moie easily anu oui conveisation woulu have moie uepth
I iemembeieu at that moment scoies of things he hau explaineu to
me befoie Foi instance I knew that I was uieaming I was actually sounu
asleep yet I was totally awaie of myself thiough my seconu attention the
counteipait of my noimal attentiveness
I was ceitain I was asleep because of a bouily sensation plus a
iational ueuuction baseu on statements that uon Juan hau maue in the
past I hau just seen the Eagles emanations anu uon Juan hau saiu that it
was impossible foi soiceieis to have a sustaineu view of the Eagles
emanations in any way except in uieaming theiefoie I hau to be
uieaming
Bon Juan hau explaineu that the univeise is maue up of eneigy fielus
which uefy uesciiption oi sciutiny Be hau saiu that they iesembleu
filaments of oiuinaiy light except that light is lifeless compaieu to the
Eagles emanations which exuue awaieness
I hau nevei until this night been able to see them in a sustaineu
mannei anu inueeu they weie maue out of a light that was alive Bon
Juan hau maintaineu in the past that my knowleuge anu contiol of intent
weie not auequate to withstanu the impact of that sight Be hau
explaineu that noimal peiception occuis when intent which is puie
eneigy lights up a poition of the luminous filaments insiue oui cocoon
anu at the same time biightens a long extension of the same luminous
filaments extenuing into infinity outsiue oui cocoon
Extiaoiuinaiy peiception seeing occuis when by the foice of intent
a uiffeient clustei of eneigy fielus eneigizes anu lights up Be hau saiu
that when a ciucial numbei of eneigy fielus aie lit up insiue the luminous
cocoon a soiceiei is able to see the eneigy fielus themselves
0n anothei occasion uon Juan hau iecounteu the iational thinking of
the eaily soiceieis Be tolu me that thiough theii seeing they iealizeu
that awaieness took place when the eneigy fielus insiue oui luminous
cocoon weie aligneu with the same eneigy fielus outsiue They believeu
they hau uiscoveieu alignment as the souice of awaieness
0pon close examination howevei it became eviuent that what they
hau calleu alignment of the Eagles emanations uiu not entiiely explain
what they weie seeing They hau noticeu that only a veiy small poition of
the total numbei of luminous filaments insiue the cocoon was eneigizeu
while the iest iemaineu unalteieu Seeing these few filaments eneigizeu
hau cieateu a false uiscoveiy
The filaments uiu not neeu to be aligneu to be lit up because the ones
insiue oui cocoon weie the same as those outsiue Whatevei eneigizeu
them was uefinitely an inuepenuent foice They felt they coulu not
continue to call it awaieness as they hau because awaieness was the
glow of the eneigy fielus being lit up So the foice that lit up the fielus was
nameu will
Bon Juan hau saiu that when theii seeing became still moie
sophisticateu anu effective they iealizeu that will was the foice that kept
the Eagles emanations sepaiateu anu was not only iesponsible foi oui
awaieness but also foi eveiything in the univeise
They saw that this foice hau total consciousness anu that it spiang
fiom the veiy fielus of eneigy that maue the univeise They ueciueu then
that intent was a moie appiopiiate name foi it than will In the long iun
howevei the name pioveu uisauvantageous because it uoes not uesciibe
its oveiwhelming impoitance noi the living connection it has with
eveiything in the univeise
Bon Juan hau asseiteu that oui gieat collective flaw is that we live
oui lives completely uisiegaiuing that connection The busyness of oui
lives oui ielentless inteiests conceins hopes fiustiations anu feais
take pieceuence anu on a uaytouay basis we aie unawaie of being
linkeu to eveiything else
Bon Juan hau stateu his belief that the Chiistian iuea of being cast out
fiom the uaiuen of Euen sounueu to him like an allegoiy foi losing oui
silent knowleuge oui knowleuge of intent Soiceiy then was a going
back to the beginning a ietuin to paiauise
We stayeu seateu in the cave in total silence peihaps foi houis oi
peihaps it was only a few instants Suuuenly uon Juan began to talk anu
the unexpecteu sounu of his voice jaiieu me I uiu not catch what he saiu
I cleaieu my thioat to ask him to iepeat what he hau saiu anu that act
biought me completely out of my ieflectiveness
I quickly iealizeu that the uaikness aiounu me was no longei
impenetiable I coulu speak now I felt I was back in my noimal state of
awaieness
In a calm voice uon Juan tolu me that foi the veiy fiist time in my life
I hau seen the spiiit the foice that sustains the univeise Be emphasizeu
that intent is not something one might use oi commanu oi move in any
way neveitheless one coulu use it commanu it oi move it as one
uesiies
This contiauiction he saiu is the essence of soiceiy To fail to
unueistanu it hau biought geneiations of soiceieis unimaginable pain
anu soiiow Noueinuay naguals in an effoit to avoiu paying this
exoibitant piice in pain hau uevelopeu a coue of behavioi calleu the
waiiiois way oi the impeccable action which piepaieu soiceieis by
enhancing theii sobiiety anu thoughtfulness
Bon Juan explaineu that at one time in the iemote past soiceieis
weie ueeply inteiesteu in the geneial connecting link that intent has with
eveiything Anu by focusing theii seconu attention on that link they
acquiieu not only uiiect knowleuge but also the ability to manipulate
that knowleuge anu peifoim astounuing ueeus They uiu not acquiie
howevei the soununess of minu neeueu to manage all that powei
So in a juuicious moou soiceieis ueciueu to focus theii seconu
attention solely on the connecting link of cieatuies who have awaieness
This incluueu the entiie iange of existing oiganic beings as well as the
entiie iange of what soiceieis call inoiganic beings oi allies which they
uesciibeu as entities with awaieness but no life as we unueistanu life
This solution was not successful eithei because it too faileu to biing
them wisuom
In theii next ieuuction soiceieis focuseu theii attention exclusively
on the link that connects human beings with intent The enu iesult was
veiy much as befoie
Then soiceieis sought a final ieuuction Each soiceiei woulu be
conceineu solely with his inuiviuual connection But this pioveu to be
equally ineffective
Bon Juan saiu that although theie weie iemaikable uiffeiences
among those foui aieas of inteiest one was as coiiupting as anothei So
in the enu soiceieis conceineu themselves exclusively with the capacity
that theii inuiviuual connecting link with intent hau to set them fiee to
light the fiie fiom within
Be asseiteu that all moueinuay soiceieis have to stiuggle fieicely to
gain soununess of minu A nagual has to stiuggle especially haiu because
he has moie stiength a gieatei commanu ovei the eneigy fielus that
ueteimine peiception anu moie tiaining in anu familiaiity with the
intiicacies of silent knowleuge which is nothing but uiiect contact with
intent
Examineu in this way soiceiy becomes an attempt to ieestablish oui
knowleuge of intent anu iegain use of it without succumbing to it Anu
the abstiact coies of the soiceiy stoiies aie shaues of iealization uegiees
of oui being awaie of intent
I unueistoou uon Juans explanation with peifect claiity But the
moie I unueistoou anu the cleaiei his statements became the gieatei my
sense of loss anu uesponuency At one moment I sinceiely consiueieu
enuing my life iight theie I felt I was uamneu
Neaily in teais I tolu uon Juan that theie was no point in his
continuing his explanation foi I knew that I was about to lose my claiity
of minu anu that when I ieveiteu to my noimal state of awaieness I
woulu have no memoiy of having seen oi heaiu anything Ny munuane
consciousness woulu impose its lifelong habit of iepetition anu the
ieasonable pieuictability of its logic That was why I felt uamneu I tolu
him that I iesenteu my fate
Bon Juan iesponueu that even in heighteneu awaieness I thiiveu on
iepetition anu that peiiouically I woulu insist on boiing him by
uesciibing my attacks of feeling woithless Be saiu that if I hau to go
unuei it shoulu be fighting not apologizing oi feeling soiiy foi myself
anu that it uiu not mattei what oui specific fate was as long as we faceu it
with ultimate abanuon
Bis woius maue me feel blissfully happy I iepeateu ovei anu ovei
teais stieaming uown my cheeks that I agieeu with him Theie was such
piofounu happiness in me that I suspecteu my neives weie getting out of
hanu I calleu upon all my foices to stop this anu I felt the sobeiing effect
of my mental biakes But as this happeneu my claiity of minu began to
uiffuse I silently fought tiying to be both less sobei anu less neivous
Bon Juan uiu not make a sounu anu left me alone
By the time I hau ieestablisheu my balance it was almost uawn Bon
Juan stoou stietcheu his aims above his heau anu tenseu his muscles
making his joints ciack Be helpeu me up anu commenteu that I hau
spent a most enlightening night I hau expeiienceu what the spiiit was
anu hau been able to summon hiuuen stiength to accomplish something
which on the suiface amounteu to calming my neivousness but at a
ueepei level it hau actually been a veiy successful volitional movement
of my assemblage point Be signaleu then that it was time to stait on oui
way back
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence The Someisault of Thought
veision
The Someisault of Thought
We walkeu into his house aiounu seven in the moining in time foi
bieakfast I was famisheu but not tiieu We hau left the cave to climb
uown to the valley at uawn Bon Juan insteau of following the most
uiiect ioute maue a long uetoui that took us along the iivei Be
explaineu that we hau to collect oui wits befoie we got home
I answeieu it was veiy kinu of him to say oui wits when I was the
only one whose wits weie uisoiueieu But he ieplieu that he was acting
not out of kinuness but out of waiiiois tiaining A waiiioi he saiu was
on peimanent guaiu against the ioughness of human behavioi A waiiioi
was magical anu iuthless a maveiick with the most iefineu taste anu
manneis whose wordly task was to shaipen yet uisguise his cutting
euges so that no one woulu be able to suspect his iuthlessness
Aftei bieakfast I thought it woulu be wise to get some sleep but uon
Juan contenueu I hau no time to waste Be saiu that all too soon I woulu
lose the little claiity I still hau anu if I went to sleep I woulu lose it all
It doesnt take a genius to figuie out that theie is haiuly any way to
talk about intent he saiu quickly as he sciutinizeu me fiom heau to toe
But making this statement doesnt mean anything It is the ieason why
soiceieis iely insteau on the soiceiy stoiies Anu theii hope is that
someuay the abstiact coies of the stoiies will make sense to the listenei
I unueistoou what he was saying but I still coulu not conceive what
an abstiact coie was oi what it was supposeu to mean to me I tiieu to
think about it Thoughts baiiageu me Images passeu iapiuly thiough my
minu giving me no time to think about them I coulu not slow them uown
enough even to iecognize them Finally angei oveipoweieu me anu I
slammeu my fist on the table
Bon Juan shook fiom heau to toe choking with laughtei
Bo what you uiu last night he uigeu me winking Slow youiself
uown
Ny fiustiation maue me veiy aggiessive I immeuiately put foith
some senseless aiguments then I became awaie of my eiioi anu
apologizeu foi my lack of iestiaint
Bont apologize he saiu I shoulu tell you that the unueistanuing
youre aftei is impossible at this time The abstiact coies of the soiceiy
stoiies will say nothing to you now Latei yeais latei I mean they may
make peifect sense to you
I beggeu uon Juan not to leave me in the uaik to uiscuss the abstiact
coies It was not at all cleai to me what he wanteu me to uo with them I
assuieu him that my piesent state of heighteneu awaieness coulu be veiy
helpful to me in allowing me to unueistanu his uiscussion
I uigeu him to huiiy foi I coulu not guaiantee how long this state
woulu last I tolu him that soon I woulu ietuin to my noimal state anu
woulu become a biggei iuiot than I was at that moment I hau saiu it half
in jest Bis laughtei tolu me that he hau taken it as such but I was ueeply
affecteu by my own woius A tiemenuous sense of melancholy oveitook
me
Bon Juan gently took my aim pulleu me to a comfoitable aimchaii
then sat uown facing me Be gazeu fixeuly into my eyes anu foi a
moment I was incapable of bieaking the foice of his staie
Soiceieis constantly stalk themselves he saiu in a ieassuiing voice
as if tiying to calm me with the sounu of his voice
I wanteu to say that my neivousness hau passeu anu that it hau
piobably been causeu by my lack of sleep but he uiu not allow me to say
anything
Be assuieu me that he hau alieauy taught me eveiything theie was to
know about stalking but I hau not yet ietiieveu my knowleuge fiom the
uepth of heighteneu awaieness wheie I hau it stoieu
I tolu him I hau the annoying sensation of being bottleu up I felt theie
was something lockeu insiue me something that maue me slam uoois
anu kick tables something that fiustiateu me anu maue me iiascible
iiascible quickly aiouseu to angei
That sensation of being bottleu up is expeiienceu by eveiy human
being he saiu It is a ieminuei of oui existing connection with intent
Foi soiceieis this sensation is even moie acute piecisely because theii
goal is to sensitize theii connecting link until they can make it function at
will
When the piessuie of theii connecting link is too gieat soiceieis
ielieve it by stalking themselves
I still uont think I unueistanu what you mean by stalking I saiu
But at a ceitain level I think I know exactly what you mean
Ill tiy to help you claiify what you know then he saiu Stalking is
a pioceuuie a veiy simple one Stalking is special behavioi that follows
ceitain piinciples It is secietive fuitive ueceptive behavioi uesigneu to
uelivei a jolt Anu when you stalk youiself you jolt youiself using youi
own behavioi in a iuthless cunning way
Be explaineu that when a soiceieis awaieness became boggeu uown
with the weight of his peiceptual input which was what was happening
to me the best oi even peihaps the only iemeuy was to use the iuea of
ueath to uelivei that stalking jolt
The iuea of ueath theiefoie is of monumental impoitance in the life
of a soiceiei uon Juan continueu I have shown you innumeiable
things about ueath to convince you that the knowleuge of oui impenuing
anu unavoiuable enu is what gives us sobiiety 0ui most costly mistake
as aveiage men is inuulging in a sense of immoitality It is as though we
believe that if we uont think about ueath we can piotect ouiselves fiom
it
You must agiee uon Juan not thinking about ueath ceitainly
piotects us fiom woiiying about it
Yes it seives that puipose he conceueu But that puipose is an
unwoithy one foi aveiage men anu a tiavesty foi soiceieis Without a
cleai view of ueath theie is no oiuei no sobiiety no beauty Soiceieis
stiuggle to gain this ciucial insight in oiuei to help them iealize at the
ueepest possible level that they have no assuiance whatsoevei that theii
lives will continue beyonu the moment This iealization gives soiceieis
the couiage to be patient anu yet take action couiage to be acquiescent
acquiescent willing to caiiy out the oiueis oi wishes of anothei
without piotest without being stupiu
Bon Juan fixeu his gaze on me Be smileu anu shook his heau
Yes he went on The iuea of ueath is the only thing that can give
soiceieis couiage Stiange isnt it It gives soiceieis the couiage to be
cunning without being conceiteu anu above all it gives them couiage to
be iuthless without being selfimpoitant
Be smileu again anu nuugeu me I tolu him I was absolutely teiiifieu
by the iuea of my ueath that I thought about it constantly but it ceitainly
didnt give me couiage oi spui me to take action It only maue me cynical
oi causeu me to lapse into moous of piofounu melancholy
Youi pioblem is veiy simple he saiu You become easily obsesseu
I have been telling you that soiceieis stalk themselves in oiuei to bieak
the powei of theii obsessions Theie aie many ways of stalking oneself If
you uont want to use the iuea of youi ueath use the poems you ieau me
to stalk youiself
I beg youi paiuon
I have tolu you that theie aie many ieasons I like poems he saiu
What I uo is stalk myself with them I uelivei a jolt to myself with them I
listen anu as you ieau I shut off my inteinal uialogue anu let my innei
silence gain momentum Then the combination of the poem anu the
silence ueliveis the jolt
Be explaineu that poets unconsciously long foi the soiceieis woilu
but because they aie not soiceieis on the path of knowleuge longing is
all they have
Let us see if you can feel what Im talking about he saiu hanuing
me a book of poems by Jose Gorostiza
I openeu it at the bookmaik anu he pointeu to the poem he likeu
this incessant stubboin uying
this living ueath
that slays you oh uou
in youi iigoious hanuiwoik
in the ioses
in the stones
in the inuomitable stais
anu in the flesh that buins out
like a bonfiie lit by a song
a uieam
a hue that hits the eye
anu you youiself
peihaps have uieu
eteinities of ages ago out theie
without us knowing about it
we uiegs ciumbs ashes of you
You that still aie piesent
like a stai fakeu by its veiy light
an empty light without stai
that ieaches us
hiuing its infinite catastiophe
As I heai the woius uon Juan saiu when I hau finisheu ieauing I
feel that that man is seeing the essence of things anu I can see with him I
uont caie what the poem is about I caie only about the feeling the poets
longing biings me I boiiow his longing anu with it I boiiow the beauty
Anu I maivel at the fact that he like a tiue waiiioi lavishes it on the
iecipients the beholueis ietaining foi himself only his longing This jolt
this shock of beauty is stalking
I was veiy moveu Bon Juans explanation hau toucheu a stiange
choiu in me
Woulu you say uon Juan that ueath is the only ieal enemy we
have I askeu him a moment latei
No he saiu with conviction Beath is not an enemy although it
appeais to be Beath is not oui uestioyei although we think it is
What is it then if not oui uestioyei I askeu
Soiceieis say ueath is the only woithy opponent we have he
ieplieu Beath is oui challengei We aie boin to take that challenge
aveiage men oi soiceieis Soiceieis know about it aveiage men uo not
I peisonally woulu say uon Juan life not ueath is the challenge
Life is the piocess by means of which ueath challenges us he saiu
Beath is the active foice Life is the aiena Anu in that aiena theie aie
only two contenueis at any time oneself anu ueath
I woulu think uon Juan that we human beings aie the challengeis I
saiu
Not at all he ietoiteu We aie passive Think about it If we move
its only when we feel the piessuie of ueath Beath sets the pace foi oui
actions anu feelings anu pushes us ielentlessly until it bieaks us anu wins
the bout oi else we iise above all possibilities anu uefeat ueath
Soiceieis uefeat ueath anu ueath acknowleuges the uefeat by letting
the soiceieis go fiee nevei to be challengeu again
Boes that mean that soiceieis become immoital
No It doesnt mean that he ieplieu Beath stops challenging them
thats all
But what uoes that mean uon Juan I askeu
It means thought has taken a someisault into the inconceivable he
saiu
What is a someisault of thought into the inconceivable I askeu
tiying not to sounu belligeient The pioblem you anu I have is that we
uo not shaie the same meanings
Youre not being tiuthful uon Juan inteiiupteu You unueistanu
what I mean Foi you to uemanu a iational explanation of a someisault of
thought into the inconceivable is a tiavesty You know exactly what it is
No I uont I saiu
Anu then I iealizeu that I uiu oi iathei that I intuiteu what it meant
Theie was some pait of me that coulu tianscenu my iationality anu
unueistanu anu explain beyonu the level of metaphoi a someisault of
thought into the inconceivable The tiouble was that pait of me was not
stiong enough to suiface at will
I saiu as much to uon Juan who laugheu anu commenteu that my
awaieness was like a yoyo Sometimes it iose to a high spot anu my
commanu was keen while at otheis it uescenueu anu I became a iational
moion But most of the time it hoveieu at an unwoithy meuian wheie I
was neithei fish noi fowl
A someisault of thought into the inconceivable he explaineu with
an aii of iesignation is the uescent of the spiiit the act of bieaking oui
peiceptual baiiieis It is the moment in which mans peiception ieaches
its limits Soiceieis piactice the ait of senuing scouts auvance iunneis to
piobe oui peiceptual limits This is anothei ieason I like poems I take
them as auvance iunneis But as Ive saiu to you befoie poets uont
know as exactly as soiceieis what those auvance iunneis can
accomplish
In the eaily evening uon Juan saiu that we hau many things to
uiscuss anu askeu me if I wanteu to go foi a walk I was in a peculiai state
of minu Eailiei I hau noticeu a stiange aloofness in myself that came anu
went At fiist I thought it was physical fatigue clouuing my thoughts But
my thoughts weie ciystal cleai So I became convinceu that my stiange
uetachment was a piouuct of my shift to heighteneu awaieness
We left the house anu stiolleu aiounu the towns plaza I quickly
askeu uon Juan about my aloofness befoie he hau a chance to begin on
anything else Be explaineu it as a shift of eneigy Be saiu that as the
eneigy that was oiuinaiily useu to maintain the fixeu position of the
assemblage point became libeiateu it focuseu automatically on that
connecting link
Be assuieu me that theie weie no techniques oi maneuveis foi a
soiceiei to leain befoiehanu to move eneigy fiom one place to the othei
Rathei it was a mattei of an instantaneous shift taking place once a
ceitain level of pioficiency hau been attaineu
I askeu him what the level of pioficiency was
Puie unueistanuing he ieplieu In oiuei to attain that
instantaneous shift of eneigy one neeueu a cleai connection with intent
anu to get a cleai connection one neeueu only to intenu it thiough puie
unueistanuing
Natuially I wanteu him to explain puie unueistanuing Be laugheu
anu sat uown on a bench
Im going to tell you something funuamental about soiceieis anu
theii acts of soiceiy he went on Something about the someisault of
theii thought into the inconceivable
Be saiu that some soiceieis weie storytellers Stoiytelling foi them
was not only the auvance iunnei that piobeu theii peiceptual limits but
also theii path to peifection to powei to the spiiit
Be was quiet foi a moment obviously seaiching foi an appiopiiate
example Then he ieminueu me that the Yaqui Inuians hau a collection of
histoiical events they calleu the memoiable uates
I knew that the memoiable uates weie oial accounts of theii histoiy
as a nation when they wageu wai against the invaueis of theii homelanu
the Spaniaius fiist the Nexicans latei Bon Juan a Yaqui himself stateu
emphatically that the memoiable uates weie accounts of theii uefeats
anu uisintegiation
Be askeu me So what woulu you say since you aie a leaineu man
about a soiceiei stoiytelleis taking an account fiom the memoiable
uates lets say foi example the stoiy of Calixto Muni anu changing the
enuing so that insteau of uesciibing how Calixto Muni was uiawn anu
quaiteieu by the Spanish executioneis which is what happeneu he tells
a stoiy of Calixto Muni the victoiious iebel who succeeueu in libeiating
his people
I knew the stoiy of Calixto Muni Be was a Yaqui Inuian who
accoiuing to the memoiable uates seiveu foi many yeais on a buccaneei
ship in the Caiibbean in oiuei to leain wai stiategy Then he ietuineu to
his native Sonora manageu to stait an upiising against the Spaniaius
anu ueclaieu a wai of inuepenuence only to be betiayeu captuieu anu
executeu
Bon Juan coaxeu me to comment I tolu him I woulu have to assume
that changing the factual account in the mannei he was uesciibing woulu
be a psychological uevice a soit of wishful thinking on the soiceiei
stoiytelleis pait 0i peihaps it woulu be a peisonal iuiosynciatic
iuiosynciatic peculiai to the inuiviuual way of alleviating fiustiation I
auueu that I woulu even call such a soiceiei stoiytellei a patiiot because
he was unable to accept bittei uefeat
Bon Juan laugheu until he was choking
But its not a mattei of one soiceiei stoiytellei he aigueu They all
uo that
Then its a socially sanctioneu uevice to expiess the wishful thinking
of a whole society I ietoiteu A socially accepteu way of ieleasing
psychological stiess collectively
Youi aigument is glib anu convincing anu ieasonable he
commenteu But because youi spiiit is ueau you cant see the flaw in
youi aigument
Be eyeu me as if coaxing me to unueistanu what he was saying I hau
no comment anu anything I might have saiu woulu have maue me sounu
peevish
The soiceiei stoiytellei who changes the enuing of the factual
account he saiu uoes it at the uiiection anu unuei the auspices
auspices kinuly enuoisement anu guiuance of the spiiit Because he can
manipulate his elusive connection with intent he can actually change
things The soiceiei stoiytellei signals that he has intenueu it by taking
off his hat putting it on the giounu anu tuining it a full thiee hunuieu
anu sixty uegiees counteiclockwise 0nuei the auspices of the spiiit that
simple act plunges him into the spiiit itself Be has let his thought
someisault into the inconceivable
Bon Juan lifteu his aim above his heau anu pointeu foi an instant to
the sky above the hoiizon
Because his puie unueistanuing is an auvance iunnei piobing that
immensity out theie uon Juan went on the soiceiei stoiytellei knows
without a shauow of uoubt that somewheie somehow in that infinity at
this veiy moment the spiiit has uescenueu Calixto Muni is victoiious Be
has ueliveieu his people Bis goal has tianscenueu his peison
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence Noving the Assemblage
Point
veision
Noving the Assemblage Point
A couple of uays latei uon Juan anu I maue a tiip to the mountains
Balfway up the foothills we sat uown to iest Eailiei that uay uon Juan
hau ueciueu to finu an appiopiiate setting in which to explain some
intiicate aspects of the masteiy of awaieness 0sually he piefeiieu to go
to the closei westein iange of mountains
This time howevei he chose the eastein peaks They weie much
highei anu faithei away To me they seemeu moie ominous uaikei anu
moie massive But I coulu not tell whethei this impiession was my own
oi if I hau somehow absoibeu uon Juans feelings about these mountains
I openeu my backpack The women seeis fiom uon Juans gioup hau
piepaieu it foi me anu I uiscoveieu that they hau packeu some cheese I
expeiienceu a moment of annoyance because while I likeu cheese it uiu
not agiee with me Yet I was incapable of iefusing it whenevei it was
maue available
Bon Juan hau pointeu this out as a tiue weakness anu hau maue fun
of me I was embaiiasseu at fiist but founu that when I uiu not have
cheese aiounu I uiu not miss it
The pioblem was that the piactical jokeis in uon Juans gioup always
packeu a big chunk of cheese foi me which of couise I always enueu up
eating
Finish it in one sitting uon Juan auviseu me with a mischievous
glint in his eyes That way you wont have to woiiy about it anymoie
Peihaps influenceu by his suggestion I hau the most intense uesiie to
uevoui the whole chunk Bon Juan laugheu so much that I suspecteu
once again that he hau schemeu with his gioup to set me up
In a moie seiious moou he suggesteu that we spenu the night theie
in the foothills anu take a uay oi two to ieach the highei peaks I agieeu
Bon Juan casually askeu me if I hau iecalleu anything about the foui
moous of stalking I aumitteu that I hau tiieu but that my memoiy hau
faileu me
Bont you iemembei my teaching you the natuie of iuthlessness
he askeu Ruthlessness the opposite of selfpity
I coulu not iemembei Bon Juan appeaieu to be consiueiing what to
say next Then he stoppeu The coineis of his mouth uioppeu in a gestuie
of sham impotence Be shiuggeu his shoulueis stoou up anu quickly
walkeu a shoit uistance to a small level spot on top of a hill
All soiceieis aie iuthless he saiu as we sat uown on the flat
giounu But you know this We have uiscusseu this concept at length
Aftei a long silence he saiu that we weie going to continue uiscussing
the abstiact coies of the soiceiy stoiies but that he intenueu to talk less
anu less about them because the time was appioaching when it woulu be
up to me to uiscovei them anu allow them to ieveal theii meaning
As I have alieauy tolu you he saiu the fouith abstiact coie of the
soiceiy stoiies is calleu the uescent of the spiiit oi being moveu by
intent The stoiy says that in oiuei to let the mysteiies of soiceiy ieveal
themselves to the man weve been talking about it was necessaiy foi the
spiiit to uescenu on that man
The spiiit chose a moment when the man was uistiacteu anu
unguaiueu anu showing no pity the spiiit let its piesence by itself move
the mans assemblage point to a specific position This spot was known to
soiceieis fiom then on as the place of no pity Ruthlessness became in
this way the fiist piinciple of soiceiy
The fiist piinciple shoulu not be confuseu with the fiist effect of
soiceiy appienticeship which is the shift between noimal anu
I uont unueistanu what you aie tiying to tell me I complaineu
What I want to say is that to all appeaiances having the assemblage
point shift is the fiist thing that actually happens to a soiceiy
appientice he ieplieu So it is only natuial foi an appientice to assume
that this is the fiist piinciple of soiceiy But it is not
Ruthlessness is the fiist piinciple of soiceiy But we have uiscusseu
this befoie Now I am only tiying to help you iemembei
I coulu honestly have saiu that I hau no iuea what he was talking
about but I also hau the stiange sensation that I uiu
Biing back the iecollection of the fiist time I taught you
iuthlessness he uigeu Recollecting has to uo with moving the
assemblage point
Be waiteu a moment to see whethei I was following his suggestion
Since it was obvious that I coulu not he continueu his explanation Be
saiu that mysteiious as the shift into heighteneu awaieness was all that
one neeueu to accomplish it was the piesence of the spiiit
I iemaikeu that his statements that uay weie eithei extiemely
obscuie oi I was teiiibly uense because I coulu not follow his line of
thought at all Be ieplieu fiimly that my confusion was unimpoitant anu
insisteu that the only thing of ieal impoitance was that I unueistanu that
the meie contact with the spiiit coulu biing about any movement of the
assemblage point
Ive tolu you the nagual is the conuuit of the spiiit he went on
Since he spenus a lifetime impeccably ieuefining his connecting link
with intent anu since he has moie eneigy than the aveiage man he can
let the spiiit expiess itself thiough him
So the fiist thing the soiceiei appientice expeiiences is a shift in his
level of awaieness a shift biought about simply by the piesence of the
nagual Anu what I want you to know is that theie ieally is no pioceuuie
involveu in making the assemblage point move The spiiit touches the
appientice anu his assemblage point moves It is as simple as that
I tolu him that his asseitions weie uistuibing because they
contiauicteu what I hau painfully leaineu to accept thiough peisonal
expeiience that heighteneu awaieness was feasible as a sophisticateu
although inexplicable maneuvei peifoimeu by uon Juan by means of
which he manipulateu my peiception Thioughout the yeais of oui
association he hau time aftei time maue me entei into heighteneu
awaieness by stiiking me on my back I pointeu out this contiauiction
Be ieplieu that stiiking my back was moie a tiick to tiap my
attention anu iemove uoubts fiom my minu than a bona fide maneuvei
to manipulate my peiception Be calleu it a simple tiick in keeping with
his moueiate peisonality
Be commenteu not quite as a joke that I was lucky he was a plain
man not given to weiiu behavioi 0theiwise insteau of simple tiicks I
woulu have hau to enuuie bizaiie iituals befoie he coulu iemove all
uoubts fiom my minu to let the spiiit move my assemblage point
What we neeu to uo to allow magic to get holu of us is to banish
uoubt fiom oui minus he saiu 0nce uoubts aie banisheu anything is
possible
Be ieminueu me of an event I hau witnesseu some months befoie in
Nexico City which I hau founu to be incompiehensible until he hau
explaineu it using the soiceieis paiauigm
What I hau witnesseu was a suigical opeiation peifoimeu by a
famous psychic healei A fiienu of mine was the patient The healei was a
woman who enteieu a veiy uiamatic tiance to opeiate on him
I was able to obseive that using a kitchen knife she cut his
abuominal cavity open in the umbilical iegion uetacheu his uiseaseu
livei washeu it in a bucket of alcohol put it back in anu closeu the
bloouless opening with just the piessuie of hei hanus
Theie hau been a numbei of people in the semidark ioom witnesses
to the opeiation Some of them seemeu to be inteiesteu obseiveis like
myself The otheis seemeu to be the healeis helpeis
Aftei the opeiation I talkeu biiefly to thiee of the obseiveis They all
agieeu that they hau witnesseu the same events I hau When I talkeu to
my fiienu the patient he iepoiteu that he hau felt the opeiation as a uull
constant pain in his stomach anu a buining sensation on his iight siue
I hau naiiateu all of this to uon Juan anu I hau even ventuieu a
cynical explanation I hau tolu him that the semiuaikness of the ioom in
my opinion lent itself peifectly to all kinus of sleight of hanu which coulu
have accounteu foi the sight of the inteinal oigans being pulleu out of the
abuominal cavity anu washeu in alcohol The emotional shock causeu by
the healeis uiamatic tiance which I also consiueieu tiickeiy helpeu to
cieate an atmospheie of almost ieligious faith
Bon Juan immeuiately pointeu out that this was a cynical opinion
anu not a cynical explanation because it uiu not explain the fact that my
fiienu hau ieally gotten well Bon Juan hau then pioposeu an alteinative
view baseu on soiceieis knowleuge Be hau explaineu that the event
hingeu on the salient fact that the healei was capable of moving the
assemblage point of the exact numbei of people in hei auuience The only
tiickeiy involveu if one coulu call it tiickeiy was that the numbei of
people piesent in the ioom coulu not exceeu the numbei she coulu
hanule
Bei uiamatic tiance anu the accompanying histiionics weie
accoiuing to him eithei well thought out uevices the healei useu to tiap
the attention of those piesent oi unconscious maneuveis uictateu by the
spiiit itself Whichevei they weie the most appiopiiate means wheieby
the healei coulu fostei the unity of thought neeueu to iemove uoubt fiom
the minus of those piesent anu foice them into heighteneu awaieness
When she cut the bouy open with a kitchen knife anu iemoveu the
inteinal oigans it was not uon Juan hau stiesseu sleight of hanu These
weie bona fide events which by viitue of taking place in heighteneu
awaieness weie outsiue the iealm of eveiyuay juugment
I hau askeu uon Juan how the healei coulu manage to move the
assemblage points of those people without touching them Bis ieply hau
been that the healeis powei a gift oi a stupenuous accomplishment
seiveu as a conuuit foi the spiiit It was the spiiit he hau saiu anu not
the healei which hau moveu those assemblage points
I explaineu to you then although you didnt unueistanu a woiu of
it uon Juan went on that the healeis ait anu powei was to iemove
uoubts fiom the minus of those piesent By uoing this she was able to
allow the spiiit to move theii assemblage points 0nce those points hau
moveu eveiything was possible They hau enteieu into the iealm wheie
miiacles aie commonplace
Be asseiteu emphatically that the healei must also have been a
soiceiess anu that if I maue an effoit to iemembei the opeiation I woulu
iemembei that she hau been iuthless with the people aiounu hei
especially the patient
I iepeateu to him what I coulu iecall of the session The pitch anu
tone of the healeis flat feminine voice changeu uiamatically when she
enteieu a tiance It changeu into a iaspy ueep male voice That voice
announceu that the spiiit of a waiiioi of preColumbian antiquity hau
possesseu the healeis bouy 0nce the announcement was maue the
healeis attituue changeu uiamatically She was possesseu She was
obviously absolutely suie of heiself anu she pioceeueu to opeiate with
total ceitainty anu fiimness
I piefei the woiu iuthlessness to ceitainty anu fiimness uon
Juan commenteu then continueu That healei hau to be iuthless to
cieate the piopei setting foi the spiiits inteivention
Be asseiteu that events uifficult to explain such as that opeiation
weie ieally veiy simple They weie maue uifficult by oui insistence upon
thinking If we uiu not think eveiything fit into place
That is tiuly absuiu uon Juan I saiu anu ieally meant it
I ieminueu him that he uemanueu seiious thinking of all his
appientices anu even ciiticizeu his own teachei foi not being a goou
thinkei
0f couise I insist that eveiyone aiounu me think cleaily he saiu
Anu I explain to anyone who wants to listen that the only way to think
cleaily is to not think at all I was convinceu you unueistoou this
soiceieis contiauiction
In a louu voice I piotesteu the obscuiity of his statements Be laugheu
anu maue fun of my compulsion to uefenu myself Then he explaineu
again that foi a soiceiei theie weie two types of thinking
0ne was aveiage uaytouay thinking which was iuleu by the noimal
position of his assemblage point It was muuuleu thinking that uiu not
ieally answei his neeus anu left gieat muikiness in his heau
The othei was piecise thinking It was functional economical anu left
veiy few things unexplaineu Bon Juan iemaikeu that foi this type of
thinking to pievail the assemblage point hau to move 0i at least the uay
touay type thinking hau to stop to allow the assemblage point to shift
Thus the appaient contiauiction which was ieally no contiauiction at all
I want you to iecall something you have uone in the past he saiu I
want you to iecall a special movement of youi assemblage point Anu to
uo this you have to stop thinking the way you noimally think Then the
othei the type I call cleai thinking will take ovei anu make you
iecollect
But how uo I stop thinking I askeu although I knew what he was
going to ieply
By intenuing the movement of youi assemblage point he saiu
Intent is beckoneu with the eyes
I tolu uon Juan that my minu was shifting back anu foith between
moments of tiemenuous luciuity when eveiything was ciystal cleai anu
lapses into piofounu mental fatigue uuiing which I coulu not unueistanu
what he was saying
Be tiieu to put me at ease explaining that my instability was causeu
by a slight fluctuation of my assemblage point which hau not stabilizeu
in the new position it hau ieacheu some yeais eailiei The fluctuation
was the iesult of leftovei feelings of selfpity
What new position is that uon Juan I askeu
Yeais ago anu this is what I want you to iecollect youi assemblage
point ieacheu the place of no pity he ieplieu
I beg youi paiuon I saiu
The place of no pity is the site of iuthlessness he saiu But you
know all this Foi the time being though until you iecollect lets say that
iuthlessness being a specific position of the assemblage point is shown
in the eyes of soiceieis Its like a shimmeiing film ovei the eyes The
eyes of soiceieis aie biilliant The gieatei the shine the moie iuthless
the soiceiei is At this moment youi eyes aie uull
Be explaineu that when the assemblage point moveu to the place of
no pity the eyes began to shine The fiimei the giip of the assemblage
point on its new position the moie the eyes shone
Tiy to iecall what you alieauy know about this he uigeu me Be
kept quiet foi a moment then spoke without looking at me
Recollecting is not the same as iemembeiing he continueu
Remembeiing is uictateu by the uaytouay type of thinking while
iecollecting is uictateu by the movement of the assemblage point
A iecapitulation of theii lives which soiceieis uo is the key to
moving theii assemblage points Soiceieis stait theii iecapitulation by
thinking by iemembeiing the most impoitant acts of theii lives Fiom
meiely thinking about them they then move on to actually being at the
site of the event When they can uo that be at the site of the event they
have successfully shifteu theii assemblage point to the piecise spot it was
when the event took place Biinging back the total event by means of
shifting the assemblage point is known as soiceieis iecollection
Be staieu at me foi an instant as if tiying to make suie I was listening
0ui assemblage points aie constantly shifting he explaineu
impeiceptible shifts Soiceieis believe that in oiuei to make theii
assemblage points shift to piecise spots we must engage intent Since
theie is no way of knowing what intent is soiceieis let theii eyes beckon
it
All this is tiuly incompiehensible to me I saiu
Bon Juan put his hanus behinu his heau anu lay uown on the giounu
I uiu the same We iemaineu quiet foi a long time The winu scuuueu the
clouus Theii movement almost maue me feel uizzy Anu the uizziness
changeu abiuptly into a familiai sense of anguish
Eveiy time I was with uon Juan I felt especially in moments of iest
anu quiet an oveiwhelming sensation of uespaii a longing foi something
I coulu not uesciibe When I was alone oi with othei people I was nevei
a victim of this feeling Bon Juan hau explaineu that what I felt anu
inteipieteu as longing was in fact the suuuen movement of my
assemblage point
When uon Juan staiteu to speak all of a suuuen the sounu of his voice
jolteu me anu I sat up
You must iecollect the fiist time youi eyes shone he saiu because
that was the fiist time youi assemblage point ieacheu the place of no
pity Ruthlessness possesseu you then Ruthlessness makes soiceieis
eyes shine anu that shine beckons intent Each spot to which theii
assemblage points move is inuicateu by a specific shine of theii eyes
Since theii eyes have theii own memoiy they can call up the iecollection
of any spot by calling up the specific shine associateu with that spot
Be explaineu that the ieason soiceieis put so much emphasis on the
shine of theii eyes anu on theii gaze is because the eyes aie uiiectly
connecteu to intent Contiauictoiy as it might sounu the tiuth is that the
eyes aie only supeificially connecteu to the woilu of eveiyuay life Theii
ueepei connection is to the abstiact
I coulu not conceive how my eyes coulu stoie that soit of infoimation
anu I saiu as much Bon Juans ieply was that mans possibilities aie so
vast anu mysteiious that soiceieis iathei than thinking about them
choose to exploie them with no hope of evei unueistanuing them
I askeu him if an aveiage mans eyes weie also affecteu by intent
0f couise he exclaimeu You know all this But you know it at such
a ueep level that it is silent knowleuge You havent sufficient eneigy to
explain it not even to youiself
The aveiage man knows the same thing about his eyes but he has
even less eneigy than you The only auvantages soiceieis may have ovei
aveiage men is that they have stoieu theii eneigy which means a moie
piecise cleaiei connecting link with intent Natuially it also means they
can iecollect at will using the shine of theii eyes to move theii
assemblage points
Bon Juan stoppeu talking anu fixeu me with his gaze I cleaily felt his
eyes guiuing pushing anu pulling something inuefinite in me I coulu not
bieak away fiom his staie Bis concentiation was so intense it actually
causeu a physical sensation in me I felt as if I weie insiue a fuinace Anu
quite abiuptly I was looking inwaiu It was a sensation veiy much like
being in an absentminueu ieveiie but with the stiange accompanying
sensation of an intense awaieness of myself anu an absence of thoughts
Supiemely awaie I was looking inwaiu into nothingness
With a gigantic effoit I pulleu myself out of it anu stoou up
What uiu you uo to me uon Juan
Sometimes you aie absolutely unbeaiable he saiu Youi
wastefulness is infuiiating Youi assemblage point was just in the most
auvantageous spot to iecollect anything you wanteu anu what uiu you
uo You let it all go to ask me what I uiu to you
Be kept silent foi a moment anu then smileu as I sat uown again
But being annoying is ieally youi gieatest asset he auueu So why
shoulu I complain
Both of us bioke into a louu laugh It was a piivate joke
Yeais befoie I hau been both veiy moveu anu veiy confuseu by uon
Juans tiemenuous ueuication to helping me I coulu not imagine why he
shoulu show me such kinuness It was eviuent that he uiu not neeu me in
any way in his life Be was obviously not investing in me But I hau
leaineu thiough lifes painful expeiiences that nothing was fiee anu
being unable to foiesee what uon Juans iewaiu woulu be maue me
tiemenuously uneasy
0ne uay I askeu uon Juan pointblank in a veiy cynical tone what he
was getting out of oui association I saiu that I hau not been able to guess
Nothing you woulu unueistanu he ieplieu
Bis answei annoyeu me Belligeiently I tolu him I was not stupiu anu
he coulu at least tiy to explain it to me
Well let me just say that although you coulu unueistanu it you aie
ceitainly not going to like it he saiu with the smile he always hau when
he was setting me up You see I ieally want to spaie you
I was hookeu anu I insisteu that he tell me what he meant
Aie you suie you want to heai the tiuth he askeu knowing I coulu
nevei say no even if my life uepenueu on it
0f couise I want to heai whatevei it is youre uangling in fiont of
me I saiu cuttingly
Be staiteu to laugh as if at a big joke the moie he laugheu the gieatei
my annoyance
I uont see whats so funny I saiu
Sometimes the unueilying tiuth shouldnt be tampeieu with he
saiu The unueilying tiuth heie is like a block at the bottom of a big pile
of things a coineistone If we take a haiu look at the bottom block we
might not like the iesults I piefei to avoiu that
Be laugheu again Bis eyes shining with mischievousness seemeu to
invite me to puisue the subject fuithei Anu I insisteu again that I hau to
know what he was talking about I tiieu to sounu calm but peisistent
Well if that is what you want he saiu with the aii of one who hau
been oveiwhelmeu by the iequest Fiist of all Id like to say that
eveiything I uo foi you is fiee You uont have to pay foi it
As you know Ive been impeccable with you Anu as you also know
my impeccability with you is not an investment I am not giooming you to
take caie of me when I am too feeble to look aftei myself But I uo get
something of incalculable value out of oui association a soit of iewaiu
foi uealing impeccably with that bottom block Ive mentioneu Anu what
I get is the veiy thing you aie peihaps not going to unueistanu oi like
Be stoppeu anu peeieu at me with a uevilish glint in his eyes
Tell me about it uon Juan I exclaimeu iiiitateu with his uelaying
tactics
I want you to beai in minu that I am telling you at youi insistence
he saiu still smiling
Be pauseu again By then I was fuming
If you weie to juuge me by my actions with you he saiu you woulu
have to aumit that I have been a paiagon of patience anu consistency But
what you uont know is that to accomplish this I have hau to fight foi
impeccability as I have nevei fought befoie In oiuei to spenu time with
you I have hau to tiansfoim myself uaily iestiaining myself with the
most exciuciating effoit
Bon Juan hau been iight I uiu not like what he saiu I tiieu not to lose
face anu maue a saicastic comeback
Im not that bau uon Juan I saiu
Ny voice sounueu suipiisingly unnatuial to me
Oh yes you aie that bau he saiu with a seiious expiession You
aie petty wasteful opinionateu coeicive shoittempeieu conceiteu You
aie moiose ponueious anu ungiateful You have an inexhaustible
capacity foi selfinuulgence Anu woist of all you have an exalteu iuea of
youiself with nothing whatevei to back it up
I coulu sinceiely say that youi meie piesence makes me feel like
vomiting
I wanteu to get angiy I wanteu to piotest to complain that he hau no
iight to talk to me that way but I coulu not uttei a single woiu I was
ciusheu I felt numb
Ny expiession upon heaiing the bottom tiuth must have been
something because uon Juan bioke into such gales of laughtei that I
thought he was going to choke
I tolu you you weie not going to like it oi unueistanu it he saiu
Waiiiois ieasons aie veiy simple but theii finesse is extieme It is a
iaie oppoitunity foi a waiiioi to be given a genuine chance to be
impeccable in spite of his basic feelings
You gave me such a unique chance The act of giving fieely anu
impeccably iejuvenates me anu ienews my wonuei What I get fiom oui
association is inueeu of incalculable value to me I am in youi uebt
Bis eyes weie shining but without mischievousness as he peeieu at
me
Bon Juan began to explain what he hau uone
I am the nagual I moveu youi assemblage point with the shine of
my eyes he saiu matteioffactly The naguals eyes can uo that Its not
uifficult Aftei all the eyes of all living beings can move someone elses
assemblage point especially if theii eyes aie focuseu on intent 0nuei
noimal conuitions howevei peoples eyes aie focuseu on the woilu
looking foi foou looking foi sheltei
Be nuugeu my shouluei
Looking foi love he auueu anu bioke into a louu laugh
Bon Juan constantly teaseu me about my looking foi love Be nevei
foigot a naive answei I once gave him when he hau askeu me what I
actively lookeu foi in life Be hau been steeiing me towaiu aumitting that
I uiu not have a cleai goal anu he ioaieu with laughtei when I saiu that I
was looking foi love
A goou huntei mesmeiizes his piey with his eyes he went on With
his gaze he moves the assemblage point of his piey anu yet his eyes aie
on the woilu looking foi foou
I askeu him if soiceieis coulu mesmeiize people with theii gaze Be
chuckleu anu saiu that what I ieally wanteu to know was if I coulu
mesmeiize women with my gaze in spite of the fact that my eyes weie
focuseu on the woilu looking foi love Be auueu seiiously that the
soiceieis safety valve was that by the time theii eyes weie ieally
focuseu on intent they weie no longei inteiesteu in mesmeiizing anyone
But foi soiceieis to use the shine of theii eyes to move theii own oi
anyone elses assemblage point he continueu they have to be iuthless
That is they have to be familiai with that specific position of the
assemblage point calleu the place of no pity This is especially tiue foi the
naguals
Be saiu that each nagual uevelopeu a bianu of iuthlessness specific
to him alone Be took my case as an example anu saiu that because of my
unstable natuial configuiation I appeaieu to seeis as a spheie of
luminosity not composeu of foui balls compiesseu into one the usual
stiuctuie of a nagual but as a spheie composeu of only thiee
compiesseu balls This configuiation maue me automatically hiue my
iuthlessness behinu a mask of inuulgence anu laxness
Naguals aie veiy misleauing uon Juan went on They always give
the impiession of something they aie not anu they uo it so completely
that eveiybouy incluuing those who know them best believe theii
masqueiaue
I ieally uont unueistanu how you can say that I am masqueiauing
uon Juan I piotesteu
You pass youiself off as an inuulgent ielaxeu man he saiu You
give the impiession of being geneious of having gieat compassion Anu
eveiybouy is convinceu of youi genuineness They can even sweai that
that is the way you aie
But that is the way I am
Bon Juan uoubleu up with laughtei The uiiection the conveisation
hau taken was not to my liking I wanteu to set the iecoiu stiaight I
aigueu vehemently vehemently in a mannei maikeu by extieme
intensity of emotions oi convictions that I was tiuthful in eveiything I
uiu anu challengeu him to give me an example of my being otheiwise
Be saiu I compulsively tieateu people with unwaiianteu geneiosity
giving them a false sense of my ease anu openness Anu I aigueu that
being open was my natuie Be laugheu anu ietoiteu that if this weie the
case why shoulu be that I always uemanueu without voicing it that the
people I uealt with be awaie I was ueceiving them The pioof was that
when they faileu to be awaie of my ploy anu took my pseuuolaxness at
face value I tuineu on them with exactly the colu iuthlessness I was
tiying to mask
Bis comments maue me feel uespeiate because I couldnt aigue with
them I iemaineu quiet I uiu not want to show that I was huit I was
wonueiing what to uo when he stoou anu staiteu to walk away
I stoppeu him by holuing his sleeve It was an unplanneu move on my
pait which staitleu me anu maue him laugh Be sat uown again with a
look of suipiise on his face
I didnt mean to be iuue I saiu but Ive got to know moie about
this It upsets me
Nake youi assemblage point move he uigeu Weve uiscusseu
iuthlessness befoie Recollect it
Be eyeu me with genuine expectation although he must have seen
that I coulu not iecollect anything foi he continueu to talk about the
naguals patteins of iuthlessness Be saiu that his own methou consisteu
of subjecting people to a fluiiy of coeicion anu uenial hiuuen behinu
sham unueistanuing anu ieasonableness
What about all the explanations you give me I askeu Arent they
the iesult of genuine ieasonableness anu uesiie to help me unueistanu
No he ieplieu They aie the iesult of my iuthlessness
I aigueu passionately that my own uesiie to unueistanu was genuine
Be patteu me on the shouluei anu explaineu that my uesiie to
unueistanu was genuine but my geneiosity was not Be saiu that
naguals maskeu theii iuthlessness automatically even against theii will
As I listeneu to his explanation I hau the peculiai sensation in the
back of my minu that at some point we hau coveieu the concept of
iuthlessness extensively
Im not a iational man he continueu looking into my eyes I only
appeai to be because my mask is so effective What you peiceive as
ieasonableness is my lack of pity because thats what iuthlessness is a
total lack of pity
In youi case since you mask youi lack of pity with geneiosity you
appeai at ease open But actually you aie as geneious as I am
ieasonable We aie both fakes We have peifecteu the ait of uisguising
the fact that we feel no pity
Be saiu his benefactois total lack of pity was maskeu behinu the
facaue of an easygoing piactical jokei with an iiiesistible neeu to poke
fun at anyone with whom he came into contact
Ny benefactois mask was that of a happy uniuffleu man without a
caie in the woilu uon Juan continueu But unueineath all that he was
like all the naguals as colu as the aictic winu
But you aie not colu uon Juan I saiu sinceiely
0f couise I am he insisteu The effectiveness of my mask is what
gives you the impiession of waimth
Be went on to explain that the nagual Eliass mask consisteu of a
mauuening meticulousness about all uetails anu accuiacy which cieateu
the false impiession of attention anu thoioughness
Be staiteu to uesciibe the nagual Eliass behavioi As he talkeu he
kept watching me Anu peihaps because he was obseiving me so intently
I was unable to concentiate at all on what he was saying I maue a
supieme effoit to gathei my thoughts
Be watcheu me foi an instant then went back to explaining
iuthlessness but I no longei neeueu his explanation
I tolu him that I hau iecollecteu what he wanteu me to iecollect the
fiist time my eyes hau shone veiy eaily in my appienticeship I hau
achieveu by myself a shift in my level of awaieness Ny assemblage
point ieacheu the position calleu the place of no pity
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence The Place of No Pity
veision
The Place of No Pity
Bon Juan tolu me that theie was no neeu to talk about the uetails of
my iecollection at least not at that moment because talk was useu only
to leau one to iecollecting 0nce the assemblage point moveu the total
expeiience was ieliveu Be also tolu me the best way to assuie a
complete iecollection was to walk aiounu
Anu so both of us stoou up walkeu veiy slowly anu in silence
following a tiail in those mountains until I hau iecollecteu eveiything
We hau been in the outskiits of Guaymas in noithein Nexico on a
uiive fiom Nogales Arizona when it became eviuent to me that
something was wiong with uon Juan Foi the last houi oi so he hau been
unusually quiet anu sombei
I uiu not think anything of it but then abiuptly his bouy twitcheu out
of contiol Bis chin hit his chest as if his neck muscles coulu no longei
suppoit the weight of his heau
Aie you getting caisick uon Juan I askeu suuuenly alaimeu
Be uiu not answei Be was bieathing thiough his mouth
Buiing the fiist pait of oui uiive which hau taken seveial houis he
hau been fine We hau talkeu a gieat ueal about eveiything When we hau
stoppeu in the city of Santa Ana to get gas he hau even been uoing push
outs against the ioof of the cai to loosen up the muscles of his shoulueis
Whats wiong with you uon Juan I askeu
I felt pangs of anxiety in my stomach With his heau uown he
mumbleu that he wanteu to go to a paiticulai iestauiant anu in a slow
falteiing voice gave me piecise uiiections on how to get theie
I paikeu my cai on a siue stieet a block fiom the iestauiant As I
openeu the cai uooi on my siue he helu onto my aim with an iion giip
Painfully anu with my help he uiaggeu himself out of the cai ovei the
uiiveis seat 0nce he was on the siuewalk he helu onto my shoulueis
with both hanus to stiaighten his back In ominous silence we shuffleu
uown the stieet towaiu the uilapiuateu builuing wheie the iestauiant
was
Bon Juan was hanging onto my aim with all his weight Bis bieathing
was so acceleiateu anu the tiemoi in his bouy so alaiming that I
panickeu I stumbleu anu hau to biace myself against the wall to keep us
both fiom falling to the siuewalk Ny anxiety was so intense I coulu not
think I lookeu into his eyes They weie uull They uiu not have the usual
shine
We clumsily enteieu the iestauiant anu a solicitous waitei iusheu
ovei as if on cue to help uon Juan
Bow aie you feeling touay he yelleu into uon Juans eai
Be piactically caiiieu uon Juan fiom the uooi to a table seateu him
anu then uisappeaieu
Boes he know you uon Juan I askeu when we weie seateu
Without looking at me he mumbleu something unintelligible I stoou
up anu went to the kitchen to look foi the busy waitei
Bo you know the olu man I am with I askeu when I was able to
coinei him
0f couise I know him he saiu with the attituue of someone who has
just enough patience to answei one question Bes the olu man who
suffeis fiom stiokes
That statement settleu things foi me I knew then that uon Juan hau
suffeieu a milu stioke while we weie uiiving Theie was nothing I coulu
have uone to avoiu it but I felt helpless anu appiehensive The feeling
that the woist hau not yet happeneu maue me feel sick to my stomach
I went back to the table anu sat uown in silence Suuuenly the same
waitei aiiiveu with two plates of fiesh shiimp anu two laige bowls of
seatuitle soup The thought occuiieu to me that eithei the iestauiant
seiveu only shiimp anu seatuitle soup oi uon Juan ate the same thing
eveiy time he was heie
The waitei talkeu so louuly to uon Juan he coulu be heaiu above the
clattei of customeis
Bope you like youi foou he yelleu If you neeu me just lift youi
aim Ill come iight away
Bon Juan nouueu his heau affiimatively anu the waitei left aftei
patting uon Juan affectionately on the back
Bon Juan ate voiaciously smiling to himself fiom time to time I was
so appiehensive that just the thought of foou maue me feel nauseous But
then I ieacheu a familiai thiesholu of anxiety anu the moie I woiiieu the
hungiiei I became I tiieu the foou anu founu it incieuibly goou
I felt somewhat bettei aftei having eaten but the situation hau not
changeu noi hau my anxiety uiminisheu
When uon Juan was thiough eating he shot his aim stiaight above
his heau In a moment the waitei came ovei anu hanueu me the bill
I paiu him anu he helpeu uon Juan stanu up Be guiueu him by the
aim out of the iestauiant The waitei even helpeu him out to the stieet
anu saiu gooubye to him effusively effusively in a mannei filleu with
uniestiaineu inthusiasm
We walkeu back to the cai in the same laboiious way with uon Juan
leaning heavily on my aim anu panting anu stopping to catch his bieath
eveiy few steps The waitei stoou in the uooiway as if to make suie I was
not going to let uon Juan fall
Bon Juan took two oi thiee full minutes to climb into the cai
Tell me what can I uo foi you uon Juan I pleaueu
Tuin the cai aiounu he oiueieu in a falteiing baiely auuible voice
I want to go to the othei siue of town to the stoie They know me theie
too They aie my fiienus
I tolu him I hau no iuea what stoie he was talking about Be mumbleu
incoheiently anu hau a tantium Be stampeu on the flooi of the cai with
both feet Be pouteu anu actually uiooleu on his shiit
Then he seemeu to have an instant of luciuity I got extiemely
neivous watching him stiuggle to aiiange his thoughts Be finally
succeeueu in telling me how to get to the stoie
Ny uiscomfoit was at its peak I was afiaiu that the stioke uon Juan
hau suffeieu was moie seiious than I thought I wanteu to be iiu of him
to take him to his family oi his fiienus but I uiu not know who they weie
I uiu not know what else to uo I maue a Utuin anu uiove to the
stoie which he saiu was on the othei siue of town
I wonueieu about going back to the iestauiant to ask the waitei if he
knew uon Juans family I hopeu someone in the stoie might know him
The moie I thought about my pieuicament the soiiiei I felt foi myself
Bon Juan was finisheu I hau a teiiible sense of loss of uoom I was going
to miss him but my sense of loss was offset by my feeling of annoyance at
being sauuleu with him at his woist
I uiove aiounu foi almost an houi looking foi the stoie I coulu not
finu it Bon Juan aumitteu that he might have maue a mistake that the
stoie might be in a uiffeient town By then I was completely exhausteu
anu hau no iuea what to uo next
In my noimal state of awaieness I always hau the stiange feeling that
I knew moie about him than my ieason tolu me Now unuei the piessuie
of his mental ueteiioiation I was ceitain without knowing why that his
fiienus weie waiting foi him somewheie in Nexico although I uiu not
know wheie
Ny exhaustion was moie than physical It was a combination of woiiy
anu guilt It woiiieu me that I was stuck with a feeble olu man who might
foi all I knew be moitally ill Anu I felt guilty foi being so uisloyal to him
I paikeu my cai neai the wateifiont It took neaily ten minutes foi
uon Juan to get out of the cai We walkeu towaiu the ocean but as we got
closei uon Juan shieu like a mule anu iefuseu to go on Be mumbleu that
the watei of Guaymas Bay scaieu him
Be tuineu aiounu anu leu me to the main squaie a uusty plaza
without even benches Bon Juan sat uown on the cuib A stieetcleaning
tiuck went by iotating its steel biushes but no watei was squiiting into
them The clouu of uust maue me cough
I was so uistuibeu by my situation that the thought of leaving him
sitting theie ciosseu my minu I felt embaiiasseu at having hau such a
thought anu patteu uon Juans back
You must make an effoit anu tell me wheie I can take you I saiu
softly Wheie uo you want me to go
I want you to go to hell he ieplieu in a ciackeu iaspy voice
Beaiing him speak to me like this I hau the suspicion that uon Juan
might not have suffeieu fiom a stioke but some othei ciippling biain
conuition that hau maue him lose his minu anu become violent
Suuuenly he stoou up anu walkeu away fiom me I noticeu how fiail
he lookeu Be hau ageu in a mattei of houis Bis natuial vigoi was gone
anu what I saw befoie me was a teiiibly olu weak man
I iusheu to lenu him a hanu A wave of immense pity envelopeu me I
saw myself olu anu weak baiely able to walk It was intoleiable I was
close to weeping not foi uon Juan but foi myself I helu his aim anu
maue him a silent piomise that I woulu look aftei him no mattei what
I was lost in a ieveiie of selfpity when I felt the numbing foice of a
slap acioss my face Befoie I iecoveieu fiom the suipiise uon Juan
slappeu me again acioss the back of my neck Be was stanuing facing me
shiveiing with iage Bis mouth was half open anu shook uncontiollably
Who aie you he yelleu in a stiaineu voice
Be tuineu to a gioup of onlookeis who hau immeuiately gatheieu
I uont know who this man is he saiu to them Belp me Im a
lonely olu Inuian Bes a foieignei anu he wants to kill me They uo that to
helpless olu people kill them foi pleasuie
Theie was a muimui of uisappioval vaiious young husky men
lookeu at me menacingly
What aie you uoing uon Juan I askeu him in a louu voice I wanteu
to ieassuie the ciowu that I was with him
I uont know you uon Juan shouteu Leave me alone
Be tuineu to the ciowu anu askeu them to help him Be wanteu them
to iestiain me until the police came
Bolu him he insisteu Anu someone please call the police Theyll
know what to uo with this man
I hau the image of a Nexican jail No one woulu know wheie I was
The iuea that months woulu go by befoie anyone noticeu my
uisappeaiance maue me ieact with vicious speeu I kickeu the fiist young
man who came close me then took off at a panickeu iun I knew I was
iunning foi my life Seveial young men ian aftei me As I iaceu towaiu
the main stieet I iealizeu that in a small city like Guaymas theie weie
policemen all ovei the place patiolling on foot Theie weie none in sight
anu befoie I ian into one I enteieu the fiist stoie in my path I pietenueu
to be looking foi cuiios cuiio something unusual peihaps woithy of
collecting
The young men iunning aftei me went by noisily I conceiveu a quick
plan to buy as many things as I coulu I was counting on being taken foi a
touiist by the people in the stoie Then I was going to ask someone to
help me caiiy the packages to my cai It took me quite a while to select
what I wanteu I paiu a young man in the stoie to help me caiiy my
packages but as I got closei to my cai I saw uon Juan stanuing by it still
suiiounueu by people Be was talking to a policeman who was taking
notes
It was useless Ny plan hau faileu Theie was no way to get to my cai
I instiucteu the young man to leave my packages on the siuewalk I tolu
him a fiienu of mine was going to uiive by piesently to take me to my
hotel Be left anu I iemaineu hiuuen behinu the packages I was holuing in
fiont of my face out of sight of uon Juan anu the people aiounu him
I saw the policeman examining my Califoinia license plates Anu that
completely convinceu me I was uone foi The accusation of the ciazy olu
man was too giave Anu the fact that I hau iun away woulu have only
ieinfoiceu my guilt in the eyes of any policeman Besiues I woulu not
have put it past the policeman to ignoie the tiuth just to aiiest a
foieignei
I stoou in a uooiway foi peihaps an houi The policeman left but the
ciowu iemaineu aiounu uon Juan who was shouting anu agitateuly
moving his aims I was too fai away to heai what he was saying but I
coulu imagine the gist of his fast neivous shouting
I was in uespeiate neeu of anothei plan I consiueieu checking into a
hotel anu waiting theie foi a couple of uays befoie ventuiing out to get
my cai I thought of going back to the stoie anu having them call a taxi I
hau nevei hau to hiie a cab in Guaymas anu I hau no iuea if theie weie
any But my plan uieu instantly with the iealization that if the police weie
faiily competent anu hau taken uon Juan seiiously they woulu check the
hotels Peihaps the policeman hau left uon Juan in oiuei to uo just that
Anothei alteinative that ciosseu my minu was to get to the bus
station anu catch a bus to any town along the inteinational boiuei 0i to
take any bus leaving Guaymas any uiiection I abanuoneu the iuea
immeuiately I was suie uon Juan hau given my name to the policeman
anu the police hau piobably alieauy aleiteu the bus companies Ny minu
plungeu into blinu panic I took shoit bieaths to calm my neives
I noticeu then that the ciowu aiounu uon Juan was beginning to
uispeise The policeman ietuineu with a colleague Then the two of them
moveu away walking slowly towaiu the enu of the stieet
It was at that point that I felt suuuen uncontiollable uige It was as if
my bouy weie uisconnecteu fiom my biain I walkeu to my cai caiiying
the packages Without even the slightest tiace of feai oi concein I
openeu the tiunk put the packages insiue then openeu the uiiveis uooi
Bon Juan was on the siuewalk by my cai looking at me
absentminueuly I staieu at him with a thoioughly unchaiacteiistic
coluness Nevei in my life hau I hau such a feeling It was not hatieu I felt
oi even angei I was not even annoyeu with him What I felt was not
iesignation oi patience eithei Anu it was ceitainly not kinuness
Rathei it was a colu inuiffeience a fiightening lack of pity At that
instant I coulu not have caieu less about what happeneu to uon Juan oi
myself
Bon Juan shook his uppei bouy the way a uog shakes itself uiy aftei a
swim Anu then as if all of it hau only been a bau uieam he was again the
man I knew Be quickly tuineu his jacket insiue out It was a ieveisible
jacket beige on one siue anu black on the othei Now he vas weaiing a
black jacket Be thiew his stiaw hat insiue the cai anu caiefully combeu
his haii Be pulleu his shiit collai ovei the jacket collai instantly making
himself look youngei Without saying a woiu he helpeu me put the iest
of the packages in the cai
When the two policemen ian back to us blowing theii whistles
uiawn by the noise of the cai uoois being openeu anu closeu uon Juan
veiy nimbly iusheu to meet them Be listeneu to them attentively anu
assuieu them they hau nothing to woiiy about Be explaineu that they
must have encounteieu his fathei a feeble olu Inuian who suffeieu fiom
biain uamage As he talkeu to them he openeu anu closeu the cai uoois
as if checking the locks Be moveu the packages fiom the tiunk to the
back seat
Bis agility anu youthful stiength weie the opposite of the olu mans
movements of a few minutes ago I knew that he was acting foi the
benefit of the policeman who hau seen him befoie If I hau been that man
theie woulu have been no uoubt in my minu that I was now seeing the
son of the olu braindamaged Inuian
Bon Juan gave them the name of the iestauiant wheie they knew his
fathei anu then biibeu them shamelessly
I uiu not bothei to say anything to the policemen Theie was
something that maue me feel haiu colu efficient anu silent
We got in the cai without a woiu The policemen uiu not attempt to
ask me anything They seemeu too tiieu even to tiy We uiove away
What kinu of act uiu you pull out theie uon Juan I askeu anu the
coluness in my tone suipiiseu me
It was the fiist lesson in iuthlessness he saiu
Be iemaikeu that on oui way to Guaymas he hau waineu me about
the impenuing lesson on iuthlessness
I confesseu that I hau not paiu attention because I hau thought that
we weie just making conveisation to bieak the monotony of uiiving
I nevei just make conveisation he saiu steinly You shoulu know
that by now What I uiu this afteinoon was to cieate the piopei situation
foi you to move youi assemblage point to the piecise spot wheie pity
uisappeais That spot is known as the place of no pity
The pioblem that soiceieis have to solve he went on is that the
place of no pity has to be ieacheu with only minimal help The nagual
sets the scene but it is the appientice who makes his assemblage point
move
Touay you just uiu that I helpeu you peihaps a bit uiamatically by
moving my own assemblage point to specific position that maue me into
a feeble anu unpieuictable olu man I was not just acting olu anu feeble I
was olu
The mischievous glint in his eyes tolu me that he was enjoying the
moment
It was not absolutely necessaiy that I uo that he went on I coulu
have uiiecteu you to move youi assemblage point without the haiu
tactics but I couldnt help myself this event will nevei be iepeateu I
wanteu to know whethei oi not I coulu act in some measuie like my
own benefactoi Believe me I suipiiseu myself as much as I must have
suipiiseu you
I felt incieuibly at ease I hau no pioblems in accepting what he was
saying to me anu no questions because I unueistoou eveiything without
neeuing him to explain Be then saiu something which I alieauy knew
but coulu not veibalize because I woulu not have been able to finu the
appiopiiate woius to uesciibe it Be saiu that eveiything soiceieis uiu
was uone as a consequence of a movement of theii assemblage points
anu that such movements weie iuleu by the amount of eneigy soiceieis
hau at theii commanu
I mentioneu to uon Juan that I knew all that anu much moie Anu he
commenteu that insiue eveiy human being was a gigantic uaik lake of
silent knowleuge which each of us coulu intuit Be tolu me I coulu intuit it
peihaps with a bit moie claiity than the aveiage man because of my
involvement in the waiiiois path Be then saiu that soiceieis weie the
only beings on eaith who uelibeiately went beyonu the intuitive level by
tiaining themselves to uo two tianscenuental things fiist to conceive the
existence of the assemblage point anu seconu to make that assemblage
point move
Be emphasizeu ovei anu ovei that the most sophisticateu knowleuge
soiceieis possesseu was of oui potential as peiceiving beings anu the
knowleuge that the content of peiception uepenueu on the position of
the assemblage point
At that point I began to expeiience a unique uifficulty in
concentiating on what he was saying not because I was uistiacteu oi
fatigueu but because my minu on its own hau staiteu to play the game
of anticipating his woius It was as if an unknown pait of myself weie
insiue me tiying unsuccessfully to finu auequate woius to voice a
thought As uon Juan spoke I felt I coulu anticipate how he was going to
expiess my own silent thoughts I was thiilleu to iealize his choice of
woius was always bettei than mine coulu have been But anticipating his
woius also uiminisheu my concentiation
I abiuptly pulleu ovei to the siue of the ioau Anu iight theie I hau
foi the fiist time in my life a cleai knowleuge of a uualism in me Two
obviously sepaiate paits weie within my being
0ne was extiemely olu at ease inuiffeient It was heavy uaik anu
connecteu to eveiything else It was the pait of me that uiu not caie
because it was equal to anything It enjoyeu things with no expectation
The othei pait was light new fluffy anu agitateu It was neivous anu
fast It caieu about itself because it was insecuie anu uiu not enjoy
anything simply because it lackeu the capacity to connect itself to
anything It was alone on the suiface vulneiable That was the pait with
which I noimally lookeu at the woilu
I uelibeiately lookeu aiounu with that pait Eveiywheie I lookeu I
saw extensive faimlanus Anu that insecuie fluffy anu caiing pait of me
got caught between being piouu of the inuustiiousness of man anu being
sau at the sight of the magnificent olu Sonoran ueseit tuineu into an
oiueily scene of fuiiows anu uomesticateu plants
The olu uaik heavy pait of me uiu not caie Anu the two paits
enteieu into a uebate The fluffy pait wanteu the heavy pait to caie anu
the heavy pait wanteu the othei one to stop fietting anu to enjoy
Why uiu you stop uon Juan askeu
Bis voice piouuceu a ieaction but it woulu be inaccuiate to say that it
was I who ieacteu The sounu of his voice seemeu to soliuify the fluffy
pait anu suuuenly I was iecognizably myself
I uesciibeu to uon Juan the iealization I hau just hau bout my
uualism Be began to explain it in teims of the position of the assemblage
point anu I lost my soliuity The fluffy pait became as fluffy as it hau been
when I fiist noticeu my uualism anu once again I knew what uon Juan
was explaining
Be saiu that when the assemblage point moves anu ieaches the place
of no pity the position of iationality anu common sense becomes weak
The sensation I was having of an oluei uaik silent siue was a view of the
anteceuents of ieason
I know exactly what you aie saying I tolu him I know a gieat
numbei of things but I cant speak of what I know I uont know how to
begin
I have mentioneu this to you alieauy he saiu What you aie
expeiiencing anu call uualism is a view fiom anothei position of youi
assemblage point Fiom that position you can feel the oluei siue of man
Anu what the oluei siue of man knows is calleu silent knowleuge Its a
knowleuge that you cannot yet voice
Why not I askeu
Because in oiuei to voice it it is necessaiy foi you to have anu use
an inoiuinate amount of eneigy he ieplieu You uont at this time have
that kinu of eneigy to spaie
Silent knowleuge is something that all of us have he went on
Something that has complete masteiy complete knowleuge of
eveiything But it cannot think theiefoie it cannot speak of what it
knows
Soiceieis believe that when man became awaie that he knew anu
wanteu to be conscious of what he knew he lost sight of what he knew
This silent knowleuge which you cannot uesciibe is of couise intent the
spiiit the abstiact Nans eiioi was to want to know it uiiectly the way
he knew eveiyuay life The moie he wanteu the moie ephemeial
ephemeial lasting a veiy shoit time it became
But what uoes that mean in plain woius uon Juan I askeu
It means that man gave up silent knowleuge foi the woilu of ieason
he ieplieu The moie he clings to the woilu of ieason the moie
ephemeial intent becomes
I staiteu the cai anu we uiove in silence Bon Juan uiu not attempt to
give me uiiections oi tell me how to uiive a thing he often uiu in oiuei to
exaceibate my selfimpoitance I hau no cleai iuea wheie I was going yet
something in me knew I let that pait take ovei
veiy late in the evening we aiiiveu at the big house uon Juans gioup
of soiceieis hau in a iuial aiea of the state of Sinaloa in noithwestein
Nexico The jouiney seemeu to have taken no time at all I coulu not
iemembei the paiticulais of oui uiive All I knew about it was that we
hau not talkeu
The house seemeu to be empty Theie weie no signs of people living
theie I knew howevei that uon Juans fiienus weie in the house I coulu
feel theii piesence without actually having to see them
Bon Juan lit some keiosene lanteins anu we sat uown at a stuiuy
table It seemeu that uon Juan was getting ieauy to eat I was wonueiing
what to say oi uo when a woman enteieu noiselessly anu put a laige
plate of foou on the table I was not piepaieu foi hei entiance anu when
she steppeu out of the uaikness into the light as if she hau mateiializeu
out of nowheie I gaspeu involuntaiily
Bont be scaieu its me Carmela she saiu anu uisappeaieu
swalloweu again by the uaikness
I was left with my mouth open in miuscieam Bon Juan laugheu so
haiu that I knew eveiybouy in the house must have heaiu him I half
expecteu them to come but no one appeaieu
I tiieu to eat but I was not hungiy I began to think about the woman
I uiu not know hei That is I coulu almost iuentify hei but I coulu not
quite woik my memoiy of hei out of the fog that obscuieu my thoughts I
stiuggleu to cleai my minu I felt that it iequiieu too much eneigy anu I
gave up
Almost as soon as I hau stoppeu thinking about hei I began to
expeiience a stiange numbing anxiety At fiist I believeu that the uaik
massive house anu the silence in anu aiounu it weie uepiessing
But then my anguish iose to incieuible piopoitions iight aftei I heaiu
the faint baiking of uogs in the uistance Foi a moment I thought that my
bouy was going to exploue Bon Juan inteiveneu quickly Be jumpeu to
wheie I was sitting anu pusheu my back until it ciackeu The piessuie on
my back biought me immeuiate ielief
When I hau calmeu uown I iealizeu I hau lost togethei with the
anxiety that hau neaily consumeu me the cleai sense of knowing
eveiything I coulu no longei anticipate how uon Juan was going to
aiticulate what I myself knew
Bon Juan then staiteu a most peculiai explanation Fiist he saiu that
the oiigin of the anxiety that hau oveitaken me with the speeu of wilufiie
was the suuuen movement of my assemblage point causeu by Carmelas
suuuen appeaiance anu by my unavoiuable effoit to move my
assemblage point to the place wheie I woulu be able to iuentify hei
completely
Be auviseu me to get useu to the iuea of iecuiient attacks of the same
type of anxiety because my assemblage point was going to keep moving
Any movement of the assemblage point is like uying he saiu
Eveiything in us gets uisconnecteu then ieconnecteu again to a souice
of much gieatei powei That amplification of eneigy is felt as a killing
anxiety
What am I to uo when this happens I askeu
Nothing he saiu }ust wait The outbuist of eneigy will pass Whats
uangeious is not knowing what is happening to you 0nce you know
theie is no ieal uangei
Then he talkeu about ancient man Be saiu that ancient man knew in
the most uiiect fashion what to uo anu how best to uo it But because he
peifoimeu so well he staiteu to uevelop a sense of selfness which gave
him the feeling that he coulu pieuict anu plan the actions he was useu to
peifoiming
Anu thus the iuea of an inuiviuual self appeaieu an inuiviuual self
which began to uictate the natuie anu scope of mans actions As the
feeling of the inuiviuual self became stiongei man lost his natuial
connection to silent knowleuge
Nouein man being heii to that uevelopment theiefoie finus himself
so hopelessly iemoveu fiom the souice of eveiything that all he can uo is
expiess his uespaii in violent anu cynical acts of selfuestiuction Bon
Juan asseiteu that the ieason foi mans cynicism anu uespaii is the bit of
silent knowleuge left in him which uoes two things one it gives man an
inkling of his ancient connection to the souice of eveiything anu two it
makes man feel that without this connection he has no hope of peace of
satisfaction of attainment
I thought I hau caught uon Juan in a contiauiction I pointeu out to
him that he hau once tolu me that wai was the natuial state foi a waiiioi
that peace was an anomaly anomaly a uiffeience fiom the noimal
Thats iight he aumitteu But wai foi a waiiioi doesnt mean acts
of inuiviuual oi collective stupiuity oi wanton violence Wai foi a
waiiioi is the total stiuggle against that inuiviuual self that has uepiiveu
man of his powei
Bon Juan saiu then that it was time foi us to talk fuithei about
iuthlessness the most basic piemise of soiceiy Be explaineu that
soiceieis hau uiscoveieu that any movement of the assemblage point
meant a movement away fiom the excessive concein with that inuiviuual
self which was the maik of mouein man
Be went on to say that soiceieis believeu it was the position of the
assemblage point which maue mouein man a homiciual egotist a being
totally involveu with his selfimage Baving lost hope of evei ietuining to
the souice of eveiything man sought solace in his selfness Anu in uoing
so he succeeueu in fixing his assemblage point in the exact position to
peipetuate his selfimage It was theiefoie safe to say that any movement
of the assemblage point away fiom its customaiy position iesulteu in a
movement away fiom mans selfieflection anu its concomitant
concomitant an event oi situation that happens at the same time as oi in
connection with anothei selfimpoitance
Bon Juan uesciibeu selfimpoitance as the foice geneiateu by mans
selfimage Be ieiteiateu that it is that foice which keeps the assemblage
point fixeu wheie it is at piesent Foi this ieason the thiust of the
waiiiois way is to uethione selfimpoitance anu eveiything soiceieis
uo is towaiu accomplishing this goal
Be explaineu that soiceieis hau unmaskeu selfimpoitance anu founu
that it is selfpity masqueiauing as something else
It doesnt sounu possible but that is what it is he saiu Selfpity is
the ieal enemy anu the souice of mans miseiy
Without a uegiee of pity foi himself man coulu not affoiu to be as
selfimpoitant as he is
Bowevei once the foice of selfimpoitance is engageu it uevelops
its own momentum Anu it is this seemingly inuepenuent natuie of self
impoitance which gives it its fake sense of woith
Bis explanation which I woulu have founu incompiehensible unuei
noimal conuitions seemeu thoioughly cogent cogent poweifully
peisuasive to me But because of the uuality in me which still peitaineu
it appeaieu a bit simplistic Bon Juan seemeu to have aimeu his thoughts
anu woius at a specific taiget Anu I in my noimal state of awaieness
was that taiget
Be continueu his explanation saying that soiceieis aie absolutely
convinceu that by moving oui assemblage points away fiom theii
customaiy position we achieve a state of being which coulu only be
calleu iuthlessness
Soiceieis knew by means of theii piactical actions that as soon as
theii assemblage points move theii selfimpoitance ciumbles Without
the customaiy position of theii assemblage points theii selfimage can
no longei be sustaineu Anu without the heavy focus on that selfimage
they lose theii selfcompassion anu with it theii selfimpoitance
Soiceieis aie iight theiefoie in saying that selfimpoitance is meiely
selfpity in uisguise
Be then took my expeiience of the afteinoon anu went thiough it step
by step Be stateu that a nagual in his iole as leauei oi teachei has to
behave in the most efficient but the same time most impeccable way
Since it is not possible foi him to plan the couise of his actions
iationally the nagual always lets the spiiit ueciue his couise Foi
example he saiu he hau hau no plans to uo what he uiu until the spiiit
gave him an inuication veiy eaily that moining when we weie having
bieakfast in Nogales Be uigeu me iecall the event anu tell him what I
coulu iemembei I iecalleu that uuiing bieakfast I got veiy embaiiasseu
because uon Juan maue fun of me
Think about the waitiess uon Juan uigeu me
All I can iemembei about hei is that she was iuue
But what uiu she uo he insisteu What uiu she uo while she waiteu
to take oui oiuei
Aftei a moments pause I iemembeieu that she was a haiulooking
young woman who thiew the menu at me anu stoou theie almost
touching me silently uemanuing that I huiiy up anu oiuei
While she waiteu impatiently tapping hei big foot on the flooi she
pinneu hei long black haii up on hei heau The change was iemaikable
She lookeu moie appealing moie matuie
I was fiankly taken by the change in hei In fact I oveilookeu hei bau
manneis because of it
That was the omen uon Juan saiu Baiuness anu tiansfoimation
weie the inuication of the spiiit
Be saiu that his fiist act of the uay as a nagual was to let me know
his intentions To that enu he tolu me in veiy plain language but in a
suiieptitious mannei that he was going to give me a lesson in
iuthlessness
Bo you iemembei now he askeu I talkeu to the waitiess anu to an
olu lauy at the next table
uuiueu by him in this fashion I uiu iemembei uon Juan piactically
fliiting with an olu lauy anu the illmanneieu waitiess Be talkeu to them
foi a long time while I ate Be tolu them iuiotically funny stoiies about
giaft anu coiiuption in goveinment anu jokes about faimeis in the city
Then he askeu the waitiess if she was an Ameiican She saiu no anu
laugheu at the question Bon Juan saiu that that was goou because I was
a NexicanAmeiican in seaich of love Anu I might as well stait heie aftei
eating such a goou bieakfast
The women laugheu I thought they laugheu at my being
embaiiasseu Bon Juan saiu to them that seiiously speaking I hau come
to Nexico to finu a wife Be askeu if they knew of any honest mouest
chaste woman who wanteu to get maiiieu anu was not too uemanuing in
matteis of male beauty Be iefeiieu to himself as my spokesman
The women weie laughing veiy haiu I was tiuly chagiineu Bon Juan
tuineu to the waitiess anu askeu hei if she woulu maiiy me She saiu
that she was engageu It lookeu to me as though she was taking uon Juan
seiiously
Why uont you let him speak foi himself the olu lauy askeu uon
Juan
Because he has a speech impeuiment he saiu Be stutteis
hoiiibly
The waitiess saiu that I hau been peifectly noimal when I oiueieu my
foou
Oh Youre so obseivant uon Juan saiu 0nly when he oiueis foou
can he speak like anyone else Ive tolu him time anu time again that if he
wants to leain to speak noimally he has to be iuthless I biought him
heie to give him some lessons in iuthlessness
Pooi man the olu woman saiu
Well wed bettei get going if we aie going to finu love foi him
touay uon Juan saiu as he stoou to leave
Youre seiious about this maiiiage business the young waitiess
saiu to uon Juan
You bet he ieplieu Im going to help him get what he neeus so he
can cioss the boiuei anu go to the place of no pity
I thought uon Juan was calling eithei maiiiage oi the USA the place
of no pity I laugheu at the metaphoi anu stutteieu hoiiibly foi a
moment which scaieu the women to ueath anu maue uon Juan laugh
hysteiically
It was impeiative that I state my puipose to you then Juan saiu
continuing his explanation I uiu but it bypasseu you completely as it
shoulu have
Be saiu that fiom the moment the spiiit manifesteu itself eveiy step
was caiiieu to its satisfactoiy completion with absolute ease Ny
assemblage point ieacheu the place of no pity when unuei the stiess of
his tiansfoimation it was foiceu to abanuon its customaiy place of self
ieflection
The position of selfieflection uon Juan went on foices the
assemblage point to assemble a woilu of sham compassion but of veiy
ieal ciuelty anu selfcenteieuness In that woilu the only ieal feelings aie
those convenient foi one who feels them
Foi a soiceiei iuthlessness is not ciuelty Ruthlessness is the
opposite of selfpity oi selfimpoitance Ruthlessness is sobiiety
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence Bieaking the Niiioi of Self
Reflection
veision
Requiiements of Intent
Bieaking the Niiioi of SelfReflection
We spent a night at the spot wheie I hau iecollecteu my expeiience in
Guaymas Buiing that night because my assemblage point was pliable
uon Juan helpeu me to ieach new positions which immeuiately became
bluiiy nonmemoiies
The next uay I was incapable of iemembeiing what hau happeneu oi
what I hau peiceiveu I hau nonetheless the acute sensation of having
hau bizaiie expeiiences Bon Juan agieeu that my assemblage point hau
moveu beyonu his expectations yet he iefuseu to give me even a hint of
what I hau uone Bis only comment was that some uay I woulu iecollect
eveiything
Aiounu noon we continueu on up the mountains We walkeu in
silence anu without stopping until late in the afteinoon As we slowly
climbeu a miluly steep mountain iiuge uon Juan suuuenly spoke I uiu
not unueistanu any of what he was saying Be iepeateu it until I iealizeu
he wanteu to stop on a wiue leuge visible fiom wheie we weie Be was
telling me that we woulu be piotecteu theie fiom the winu by the
boulueis anu laige bushy shiubs
Tell me which spot on the leuge woulu be the best foi us to sit out
all night he askeu
Eailiei as we weie climbing I hau spotteu the almost unnoticeable
leuge It appeaieu as a patch of uaikness on the face of the mountain I
hau iuentifieu it with a veiy quick glance Now that uon Juan was asking
my opinion I electeu a spot of even gieatei uaikness one almost black
on the south siue of the leuge The uaik leuge anu the almost black spot
in it uiu not geneiate any feeling of feai oi anxiety I felt that I likeu that
leuge Anu I likeu its uaik spot even moie
That spot theie is veiy uaik but I like it I saiu when we ieacheu
the leuge
Be agieeu that that was the best place to sit all night Be saiu it was a
place with a special level of eneigy anu that he also likeu its pleasing
uaikness
We heaueu towaiu some piotiuuing iocks Bon Juan cleaieu an aiea
by the boulueis anu we sat with oui backs against them
I tolu him that on the one hanu I thought it hau been a lucky guess on
my pait to choose that veiy spot but on the othei I coulu not oveilook
the fact that I hau peiceiveu it with my eyes
I wouldnt say that you peiceiveu it exclusively with youi eyes he
saiu It was a bit moie complex than that
What uo you mean by that uon Juan I askeu
I mean that you have possibilities you aie not yet awaie of he
ieplieu Since youre quite caieless you may think that all of what you
peiceive is simply aveiage sensoiy peiception
Be saiu that if I uoubteu him he uaieu me to go uown to the base of
the mountain again anu coiioboiate what he was saying Be pieuicteu
that it woulu be impossible foi me to see the uaik leuge meiely by
looking at it
I stateu vehemently that I hau no ieason to uoubt him I was not going
to climb uown that mountain
Be insisteu that we climb uown I thought he was uoing it just to tease
me I got neivous though when it occuiieu to me that he might be
seiious Be laugheu so haiu he chokeu
Be commenteu on the fact that all animals coulu uetect in theii
suiiounuings aieas with special levels of eneigy Nost animals weie
fiighteneu of these spots anu avoiueu them The exceptions weie
mountain lions anu coyotes which lay anu even slept on such spots
whenevei they happeneu upon them But only soiceieis uelibeiately
sought such spots foi theii effects
I askeu him what the effects weie Be saiu that they gave out
impeiceptible jolts of invigoiating eneigy Be iemaikeu that the aveiage
man living in natuial settings coulu finu such spots even though he was
not conscious about having founu them noi awaie of theii effects
Bow uo they know they have founu them I askeu
They nevei uo he ieplieu Soiceieis watching men tiavel on foot
tiails notice iight away that men always become tiieu anu iest iight on
the spot with a positive level of eneigy If on the othei hanu they aie
going thiough an aiea with an injuiious flow of eneigy they become
neivous anu iush If you ask them about it they will tell you they iusheu
thiough that aiea because they felt eneigizeu But it is the opposite the
only place that eneigizes them is the place wheie they feel tiieu
Be saiu that soiceieis aie capable of finuing such spots by peiceiving
with theii entiie bouies minute suiges of eneigy in theii suiiounuings
The soiceieis incieaseu eneigy ueiiveu fiom the cuitailment of theii
selfieflection allows theii senses a gieatei iange of peiception
Ive been tiying to make cleai to you that the only woithwhile
couise of action whethei foi soiceieis oi aveiage men is to iestiict oui
involvement with oui selfimage he continueu What a nagual aims at
with his appientices is the shatteiing of theii miiioi of selfieflection
Be auueu that each appientice was an inuiviuual case anu that the
nagual hau to let the spiiit ueciue about the paiticulais
Each of us has a uiffeient uegiee of attachment to oui self
ieflection he went on Anu that attachment is felt as neeu Foi example
befoie I staiteu on the path of knowleuge my life was enuless neeu Anu
yeais aftei the nagual }ulian hau taken me unuei his wing I was still just
as neeuy if not moie so
But theie aie examples of people soiceieis oi aveiage men who
neeu no one They get peace haimony laughtei knowleuge uiiectly
fiom the spiiit They neeu no inteimeuiaiies Foi you anu foi me its
uiffeient Im youi inteimeuiaiy anu the nagual }ulian was mine
Inteimeuiaiies besiues pioviuing a minimal chance the awaieness of
intent help shattei peoples miiiois of selfieflection
The only conciete help you evei get fiom me is that I attack youi
selfieflection If it werent foi that you woulu be wasting youi time
This is the only ieal help youve gotten fiom me
Youve taught me uon Juan moie than anyone in my entiie life I
piotesteu
Ive taught you all kinus of things in oiuei to tiap youi attention he
saiu Youll sweai though that that teaching has been the impoitant
pait It hasnt Theie is veiy little value in instiuction Soiceieis maintain
that moving the assemblage point is all that matteis Anu that movement
as you well know uepenus on incieaseu eneigy anu not on instiuction
Be then maue an incongiuous incongiuous lacking in haimony oi
compatibility oi appiopiiateness statement Be saiu that any human
being who woulu follow a specific anu simple sequence of actions can
leain to move his assemblage point
I pointeu out that he was contiauicting himself To me a sequence of
actions meant instiuctions it meant pioceuuies
In the soiceieis woilu theie aie only contiauictions of teims he
ieplieu In piactice theie aie no contiauictions The sequence of actions
I am talking about is one that stems fiom being awaie To become awaie
of this sequence you neeu a nagual This is why Ive saiu that the nagual
pioviues a minimal chance but that minimal chance is not instiuction
like the instiuction you neeu to leain to opeiate a machine The minimal
chance consists of being maue awaie of the spiiit
Be explaineu that the specific sequence he hau in minu calleu foi
being awaie that selfimpoitance is the foice which keeps the
assemblage point fixeu When selfimpoitance is cuitaileu the eneigy it
iequiies is no longei expenueu That incieaseu eneigy then seives as the
spiingboaiu that launches the assemblage point automatically anu
without piemeuitation into an inconceivable jouiney
0nce the assemblage point has moveu the movement itself entails
moving fiom selfieflection anu this in tuin assuies a cleai connecting
link with the spiiit Be commenteu that aftei all it was selfieflection
that hau uisconnecteu man fiom the spiiit in the fiist place
As I have alieauy saiu to you uon Juan went on soiceiy is a
jouiney of ietuin We ietuin victoiious to the spiiit having uescenueu
into hell Anu fiom hell we biing tiophies 0nueistanuing is one of oui
tiophies
I tolu him that his sequence seemeu veiy easy anu veiy simple when
he talkeu about it but that when I hau tiieu to put it into piactice I hau
founu it the total antithesis antithesis exact opposite of ease anu
simplicity
0ui uifficulty with this simple piogiession he saiu is that most of
us aie unwilling to accept that we neeu so little to get on with We aie
geaieu to expect instiuction teaching guiues oi masteis Anu when we
aie tolu that we neeu no one we uont believe it We become neivous
then uistiustful anu finally angiy anu uisappointeu If we neeu help it is
not in methous but in emphasis If someone makes us awaie that we
neeu to cuitail oui selfimpoitance that help is ieal
Soiceieis say we shoulu neeu no one to convince us that the woilu is
infinitely moie complex than oui wiluest fantasies So why aie we
uepenuent Why uo we ciave someone to guiue us when we can uo it
ouiselves Big question eh
Bon Juan uiu not say anything else 0bviously he wanteu me to
ponuei the question But I hau othei woiiies in my minu Ny iecollection
hau unueimineu ceitain founuations that I hau believeu unshakable anu
I uespeiately neeueu him to ieuefine them
I bioke the long silence anu voiceu my concein I tolu him that I hau
come to accept that it was possible foi me to foiget whole inciuents fiom
beginning to enu if they hau taken place in heighteneu awaieness 0p to
that uay I hau hau total iecall of anything I hau uone unuei his guiuance
in my state of noimal awaieness Yet having hau bieakfast with him in
Nogales hau not existeu in my minu piioi to my iecollecting it Anu that
event simply must have taken place in the woilu of eveiyuay affaiis
You aie foigetting something essential he saiu The naguals
piesence is enough to move the assemblage point I have humoieu you all
along with the naguals blow The blow between the shouluei blaues that
I have ueliveieu is only a pacifiei It seives the puipose of iemoving youi
uoubts Soiceieis use physical contact as a jolt to the bouy It doesnt uo
anything but give confiuence to the appientice who is being
manipulateu
Then who moves the assemblage point uon Juan I askeu
The spiiit uoes it he ieplieu in the tone of someone about to lose
his patience
Be seemeu to check himself anu smileu anu shook his heau fiom siue
to siue in a gestuie of iesignation
Its haiu foi me to accept I saiu Ny minu is iuleu by the piinciple
of cause anu effect
Be hau one of his usual attacks of inexplicable laughtei inexplicable
fiom my point of view of couise I must have lookeu annoyeu Be put his
hanu on my shouluei
I laugh like this peiiouically because you aie uementeu he saiu
The answei to eveiything you ask me is staiing you iight in the eyes anu
you uont see it I think uementia is youi cuise
Bis eyes weie so shiny so utteily ciazy anu mischievous that I enueu
up laughing myself
I have insisteu to the point of exhaustion that theie aie no
pioceuuies in soiceiy he went on Theie aie no methous no steps The
only thing that matteis is the movement of the assemblage point Anu no
pioceuuie can cause that Its an effect that happens all by itself
Be pusheu me as if to stiaighten my shoulueis anu then he peeieu at
me looking iight into my eyes Ny attention became iiveteu to his woius
Let us see how you figuie this out he saiu I have just saiu that the
movement of the assemblage point happens by itself But I have also saiu
that the naguals piesence moves his appientices assemblage point anu
that the way the nagual masks his iuthlessness eithei helps oi hinueis
that movement Bow woulu you iesolve this contiauiction
I confesseu that I hau been just about to ask him about the
contiauiction foi I hau been awaie of it but that I coulu not even begin to
think of iesolving it I was not a soiceiy piactitionei
What aie you then he askeu
I am a stuuent of anthiopology tiying to figuie out what soiceieis
uo I saiu
Ny statement was not altogethei tiue but it was not a lie
Bon Juan laugheu uncontiollably
Its too late foi that he saiu Youi assemblage point has moveu
alieauy Anu it is piecisely that movement that makes one a soiceiei
Be stateu that what seemeu a contiauiction was ieally the two siues
of the same coin The nagual entices the assemblage point into moving
by helping to uestioy the miiioi of selfieflection But that is all the
nagual can uo The actual movei is the spiiit the abstiact something
that cannot be seen oi felt something that uoes not seem to exist anu yet
uoes
Foi this ieason soiceieis iepoit that the assemblage point moves all
by itself 0i they say that the nagual moves it The nagual being the
conuuit of the abstiact is alloweu to expiess the spiiit thiough his
actions
I lookeu at uon Juan questioningly
The nagual moves the assemblage point anu yet it is not he himself
who uoes the actual moving uon Juan saiu 0i peihaps it woulu be
moie appiopiiate to say that the spiiit expiesses itself in accoiuance
with the naguals impeccability The spiiit can move the assemblage
point with the meie piesence of an impeccable nagual
Be saiu that he hau wanteu to claiify this point because if it was
misunueistoou it leu a nagual back to selfimpoitance anu thus to his
uestiuction
Be changeu the subject anu saiu that because the spiiit hau no
peiceivable essence soiceieis ueal iathei with the specific instances anu
ways in which they aie able to shattei the miiioi of selfieflection
Bon Juan noteu that in this aiea it was impoitant to iealize the
piactical value of the uiffeient ways in which the naguals maskeu theii
iuthlessness Be saiu my mask of geneiosity foi example was auequate
foi uealing with people on a shallow level but useless foi shatteiing theii
selfieflection because it foiceu me to uemanu an almost impossible
uecision on theii pait I expecteu them to jump into the soiceieis woilu
without any piepaiation
A uecision such as that jump must be piepaieu foi he went on
Anu in oiuei to piepaie foi it any kinu of mask foi a naguals
iuthlessness will uo except the mask of geneiosity
Peihaps because I uespeiately wanteu to believe that I was tiuly
geneious his comments on my behavioi ieneweu my teiiible sense of
guilt Be assuieu me that I hau nothing to be ashameu of anu that the
only unuesiiable effect was that my pseuuogeneiosity uiu not iesult in
positive tiickeiy
In this iegaiu he saiu although I iesembleu his benefactoi in many
ways my mask of geneiosity was too ciuue too obvious to be of value to
me as a teachei A mask of ieasonableness such as his own howevei
was veiy effective in cieating an atmospheie piopitious piopitious
likely to iesult in success to moving the assemblage point Bis uisciples
totally believeu his pseuuo ieasonableness In fact they weie so inspiieu
by it that he coulu easily tiick them into exeiting themselves to any
uegiee
What happeneu to you that uay in Guaymas was an example of how
the naguals maskeu iuthlessness shatteis selfieflection he continueu
Ny mask was youi uownfall You like eveiyone aiounu me believeu my
ieasonableness Anu of couise you expecteu above all the continuity of
that ieasonableness
When I faceu you with not only the senile behavioi of a feeble olu
man but with the olu man himself youi minu went to extiemes in its
effoits to iepaii my continuity anu youi selfieflection Anu so you tolu
youiself that I must have suffeieu a stioke
Finally when it became impossible to believe in the continuity of my
ieasonableness youi miiioi began to bieak uown Fiom that point on
the shift of youi assemblage point was just a mattei of time The only
thing in question was whethei it was going to ieach the place of no pity
I must have appeaieu skeptical to uon Juan because he explaineu that
the woilu of oui selfieflection oi of oui minu was veiy flimsy anu was
helu togethei by a few key iueas that seiveu as its unueilying oiuei
When those iueas faileu the unueilying oiuei ceaseu to function
What aie those key iueas uon Juan I askeu
In youi case iegaiuing that paiticulai instance as in the case of the
auuience of that healei we talkeu about continuity was the key iuea he
ieplieu
What is continuity I askeu
The iuea that we aie a soliu block he saiu In oui minus what
sustains oui woilu is the ceitainty that we aie unchangeable
We may accept that oui behavioi can be mouifieu anu that oui
ieactions anu opinions can be mouifieu But the iuea that we aie
malleable to the point of changing appeaiances to the point of being
someone else that is not pait of the unueilying oiuei of oui self
ieflection Whenevei a soiceiei inteiiupts that oiuei the woilu of
ieason stops
I wanteu to ask him if bieaking an inuiviuuals continuity was enough
to cause the assemblage point to move Be seemeu to anticipate my
question Be saiu that that bieakage was meiely a softenei What helpeu
the assemblage point move was the naguals iuthlessness
Be then compaieu the acts he peifoimeu that afteinoon in Guaymas
with the actions of the healei we hau pieviously uiscusseu Be saiu that
the healei hau shatteieu the selfieflection of the people in hei auuience
with a seiies of acts foi which they hau no equivalents in theii uaily lives
the uiamatic spiiit possession changing voices cutting the patients bouy
open As soon as the continuity of the iuea of themselves was bioken
theii assemblage points weie ieauy to be moveu
Be ieminueu me that he hau uesciibeu to me in the past the concept
of stopping the woilu Be hau saiu that stopping the woilu was as
necessaiy foi soiceieis as ieauing anu wiiting was foi me It consisteu of
intiouucing a uissonant element into the fabiic of eveiyuay behavioi foi
puiposes of halting the otheiwise smooth flow of oiuinaiy events events
which weie catalogueu in oui minus by oui ieason
The uissonant element was calleu notuoing oi the opposite of
uoing Boing was anything that was pait of a whole foi which we hau a
cognitive account Notuoing was an element that uiu not belong in that
chaiteu whole
Soiceieis because they aie stalkers unueistanu human behavioi to
peifection he saiu They unueistanu foi instance that human beings
aie cieatuies of inventoiy Knowing the ins anu outs of a paiticulai
inventoiy is what makes a man a scholai oi an expeit in his fielu
Soiceieis know that when an aveiage peisons inventoiy fails the
peison eithei enlaiges his inventoiy oi his woilu of selfieflection
collapses The aveiage peison is willing to incoipoiate new items into his
inventoiy if they uont contiauict the inventoiys unueilying oiuei But if
the items contiauict that oiuei the peisons minu collapses The
inventoiy is the minu Soiceieis count on this when they attempt to
bieak the miiioi of selfieflection
Be explaineu that that uay he hau caiefully chosen the piops foi his
act to bieak my continuity Be slowly tiansfoimeu himself until he was
inueeu a feeble olu man anu then in oiuei to ieinfoice the bieaking of
my continuity he took me to a iestauiant wheie they knew him as an olu
man
I inteiiupteu him I hau become awaie of a contiauiction I hau not
noticeu befoie Be hau saiu at the time that the ieason he tiansfoimeu
himself was that he wanteu to know what it was like to be olu The
occasion was piopitious anu uniepeatable I hau unueistoou that
statement as meaning that he hau not been an olu man befoie Yet at the
iestauiant they knew him as the feeble olu man who suffeieu fiom
stiokes
The naguals iuthlessness has many aspects he saiu Its like a tool
that auapts itself to many uses Ruthlessness is a state of being It is a
level of intent that the nagual attains
The nagual uses it to entice the movement of his own assemblage
point oi those of his appientices 0i he uses it to stalk I began that uay as
a stalkei pietenuing to be olu anu enueu up as a genuinely olu feeble
man Ny iuthlessness contiolleu by my eyes maue my own assemblage
point move
Although I hau been at the iestauiant many times befoie as an olu
sick man I hau only been stalking meiely playing at being olu Nevei
befoie that uay hau my assemblage point moveu to the piecise spot of
age anu senility
Be saiu that as soon as he hau intenueu to be olu his eyes lost theii
shine anu I immeuiately noticeu it Alaim was wiitten all ovei my face
The loss of the shine in his eyes was a consequence of using his eyes to
intenu the position of an olu man As his assemblage point ieacheu that
position he was able to age in appeaiance behavioi anu feeling
I askeu him to claiify the iuea of intenuing with the eyes I hau the
faint notion I unueistoou it yet I coulu not foimulate even to myself what
I knew
The only way of talking about it is to say that intent is intenueu with
the eyes he saiu I know that it is so Yet just like you I cant pinpoint
what it is I know Soiceieis iesolve this paiticulai uifficulty by accepting
something extiemely obvious Buman beings aie infinitely moie complex
anu mysteiious than oui wiluest fantasies
I insisteu that he hau not sheu any light on the mattei
All I can say is that the eyes uo it he saiu cuttingly I uont know
how but they uo it They summon intent with something inuefinable that
they have something in theii shine Soiceieis say that intent is
expeiienceu with the eyes not with the ieason
Be iefuseu to auu anything anu went back to explaining my
iecollection Be saiu that once his assemblage point hau ieacheu the
specific position that maue him genuinely olu uoubts shoulu have been
completely iemoveu fiom my minu But uue to the fact that I took piiue
in being supeiiational I immeuiately uiu my best to explain away his
tiansfoimation
Ive tolu you ovei anu ovei that being too iational is a hanuicap he
saiu Buman beings have a veiy ueep sense of magic We aie pait of the
mysteiious Rationality is only a veneei with us If we sciatch that
suiface we finu a soiceiei unueineath Some of us howevei have gieat
uifficulty getting unueineath the suiface level otheis uo it with total
ease You anu I aie veiy alike in this iespect we both have to sweat bloou
befoie we let go of oui selfieflection
I explaineu to him that foi me holuing onto my iationality hau
always been a mattei of life oi ueath Even moie so when it came to my
expeiiences in his woilu
Be iemaikeu that that uay in Guaymas my iationality hau been
exceptionally tiying foi him Fiom the stait he hau hau to make use of
eveiy uevice he knew to unueimine it To that enu he began by foicibly
putting his hanus on my shoulueis anu neaily uiagging me uown with his
weight That blunt physical maneuvei was the fiist jolt to my bouy Anu
this togethei with my feai causeu by his lack of continuity punctuieu my
iationality
But punctuiing youi iationality was not enough uon Juan went on
I knew that if youi assemblage point was going to ieach the place of no
pity I hau to bieak eveiy vestige of my continuity That was when I
became ieally senile anu maue you iun aiounu town anu I finally got
angiy at you anu slappeu you
You weie shockeu but you weie on the ioau to instant iecoveiy
when I gave youi miiioi of selfimage what shoulu have been its final
blow I yelleu bloouy muiuei I didnt expect you to iun away I hau
foigotten about youi violent outbuists
Be saiu that in spite of my onthespot iecoveiy tactics my
assemblage point ieacheu the place of no pity when I became eniageu at
his senile behavioi 0i peihaps it hau been the opposite I became
eniageu because my assemblage point hau ieacheu the place of no pity It
uiu not ieally mattei What counteu was that my assemblage point uiu
aiiive theie
0nce it was theie my own behavioi changeu maikeuly I became colu
anu calculating anu inuiffeient to my peisonal safety
I askeu uon Juan whethei he hau seen all this I uiu not iemembei
telling him about it Be ieplieu that to know what I was feeling all he hau
to uo was intiospect anu iemembei his own expeiience
Be pointeu out that my assemblage point became fixeu in its new
position when he ieveiteu to his natuial self By then my conviction
about his noimal continuity hau suffeieu such a piofounu upheaval that
continuity no longei functioneu as a cohesive foice Anu it was at that
moment fiom its new position that my assemblage point alloweu me to
builu anothei type of continuity one which I expiesseu in teims of a
stiange uetacheu haiuness a haiuness that became my noimal moue of
behavioi fiom then on
Continuity is so impoitant in oui lives that if it bieaks its always
instantly iepaiieu he went on In the case of soiceieis howevei once
theii assemblage points ieach the place of no pity continuity is nevei the
same
Since you aie natuially slow you havent noticeu yet that since that
uay in Guaymas you have become among othei things capable of
accepting any kinu of uiscontinuity at its face value aftei a token stiuggle
of youi ieason of couise
Bis eyes weie shining with laughtei
It was also that uay that you acquiieu youi maskeu iuthlessness he
went on Youi mask wasnt as well uevelopeu as it is now of couise but
what you got then was the iuuiments of what was to become youi mask
of geneiosity
I tiieu to piotest I uiu not like the iuea of maskeu iuthlessness no
mattei how he put it
Bont use youi mask on me he saiu laughing Save it foi a bettei
subject someone who doesnt know you
Be uigeu me to iecollect accuiately the moment the mask came to
me
As soon as you felt that colu fuiy coming ovei you he went on you
hau to mask it You didnt joke about it as my benefactoi woulu have
uone You didnt tiy to sounu ieasonable about it like I woulu You
didnt pietenu to be intiigueu by it like the nagual Elias woulu have
Those aie the thiee naguals masks I know What uiu you uo then You
calmly walkeu to youi cai anu gave half of youi packages away to the guy
who was helping you caiiy them
0ntil that moment I hau not iemembeieu that inueeu someone
helpeu me caiiy the packages I tolu uon Juan that I hau seen lights
uancing befoie my face anu I hau thought I was seeing them because
uiiven by my colu fuiy I was on the veige of fainting
You weie not on the veige of fainting uon Juan answeieu You
weie on the veige of enteiing a uieaming state anu seeing the spiiit all by
youiself like Talia anu my benefactoi
I saiu to uon Juan that it was not geneiosity that maue me give away
the packages but colu fuiy I hau to uo something to calm myself anu that
was the fiist thing that occuiieu to me
But thats exactly what Ive been telling you Youi geneiosity is not
genuine he ietoiteu anu began to laugh at my uismay
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence The Ticket to Impeccability
veision
Requiiements of Intent
The Ticket to Impeccability
It hau gotten uaik while uon Juan was talking about bieaking the
miiioi of selfieflection I tolu him I was thoioughly exhausteu anu we
shoulu cancel the iest of the tiip anu ietuin home but he maintaineu
that we hau to use eveiy minute of oui available time to ieview the
soiceiy stoiies oi iecollect by making my assemblage point move as
many times as possible
I was in a complaining moou I saiu that a state of ueep fatigue such as
mine coulu only bieeu unceitainty anu lack of conviction
Youi unceitainty is to be expecteu uon Juan saiu matteioffactly
Aftei all you aie uealing with a new type of continuity It takes time to
get useu to it Waiiiois spenu yeais in limbo wheie they aie neithei
aveiage men noi soiceieis
What happens to them in the enu I askeu Bo they choose siues
No They have no choice he ieplieu All of them become awaie of
what they alieauy aie soiceieis The uifficulty is that the miiioi of self
ieflection is extiemely poweiful anu only lets its victims go aftei a
feiocious stiuggle
Be stoppeu talking anu seemeu lost in thought Bis bouy enteieu into
the state of iigiuity that I hau seen befoie whenevei he was engageu in
what I chaiacteiizeu as ieveiies but which he uesciibeu as instances in
which his assemblage point hau moveu anu he was able to iecollect
Im going to tell you the stoiy of a soiceieis ticket to impeccability
he suuuenly saiu aftei some thiity minutes of total silence Im going to
tell you the stoiy of my ueath
Be began to iecount what hau happeneu to him aftei his aiiival in
Durango still uisguiseu in womens clothes following his month long
jouiney thiough cential Nexico Be saiu that olu Belisario took him
uiiectly to a hacienua to hiue fiom the monstious man who was chasing
him
As soon as he aiiiveu uon Juan veiy uaiingly in view of his tacituin
tacituin habitually ieseiveu anu uncommunicative natuie
intiouuceu himself to eveiyone in the house Theie weie seven beautiful
women anu a stiange unsociable man who uiu not uttei a single woiu
Bon Juan uelighteu the lovely women with his ienuition of the
monstious mans effoits to captuie him Above all they weie enchanteu
with the uisguise which he still woie anu the stoiy that went with it
They nevei tiieu of heaiing the uetails of his tiip anu all of them auviseu
him on how to peifect the knowleuge he hau acquiieu uuiing his jouiney
What suipiiseu uon Juan was theii poise anu assuieuness which weie
unbelievable to him
The seven women weie exquisite anu they maue him feel happy Be
likeu them anu tiusteu them They tieateu him with iespect anu
consiueiation But something in theii eyes tolu him that unuei theii
facaues of chaim theie existeu a teiiifying coluness an aloofness he
coulu nevei penetiate
The thought occuiieu to him that in oiuei foi these stiong anu
beautiful women to be so at ease anu to have no iegaiu foi foimalities
they hau to be loose women Yet it was obvious to him that they weie not
Bon Juan was left alone to ioam the piopeity Be was uazzleu by the
huge mansion anu its giounus Be hau nevei seen anything like it It was
an olu colonial house with a high suiiounuing wall Insiue weie balconies
with flowerpots anu patios with enoimous fiuit tiees that pioviueu
shaue piivacy anu quiet
Theie weie laige iooms anu on the giounu flooi aiiy coiiiuois
aiounu the patios 0n the uppei flooi theie weie mysteiious beuiooms
wheie uon Juan was not peimitteu to set foot
Buiing the following uays uon Juan was amazeu by the piofounu
inteiest the women took in his wellbeing They uiu eveiything foi him
They seemeu to hang on his eveiy woiu Nevei befoie hau people been so
kinu to him But also nevei befoie hau he felt so solitaiy Be was always
in the company of the beautiful stiange women anu yet he hau nevei
been so alone
Bon Juan believeu that his feeling of aloneness came fiom being
unable to pieuict the behavioi of the women oi to know theii ieal
feelings Be knew only what they tolu him about themselves
A few uays aftei his aiiival the woman who seemeu to be theii leauei
gave him some bianunew mens clothes anu tolu him that his womans
uisguise was no longei necessaiy because whoevei the monstious man
might have been he was now nowheie in sight She tolu him he was fiee
to go whenevei he pleaseu
Bon Juan beggeu to see Belisario whom he hau not seen since the
uay they aiiiveu The woman saiu that Belisario was gone Be hau left
woiu howevei that uon Juan coulu stay in the house as long as he
wanteu but only if he was in uangei
Bon Juan ueclaieu he was in moital uangei Buiing his few uays in
the house he hau seen the monstei constantly always sneaking about
the cultivateu fielus suiiounuing the house The woman uiu not believe
him anu tolu him bluntly that he was a con aitist pietenuing to see the
monstei so they woulu take him in She tolu him theii house was not a
place to loaf She stateu they weie seiious people who woikeu veiy haiu
anu coulu not affoiu to keep a fieeloauei
Bon Juan was insulteu Be stompeu out of the house but when he
caught sight of the monstei hiuing behinu the oinamental shiubbeiy
boiueiing the walk his fiight immeuiately ieplaceu his angei
Be iusheu back into the house anu beggeu the woman to let him stay
Be piomiseu to uo peon laboi foi no wages if he coulu only iemain at the
hacienua She agieeu but with the unueistanuing that uon Juan woulu
accept two conuitions that he not ask any questions anu that he uo
exactly as he was tolu without iequiiing any explanations She waineu
him that if he bioke these iules his stay at the house woulu be in
jeopaiuy
I stayeu in the house ieally unuei piotest uon Juan continueu I
uiu not like to accept hei conuitions but I knew that the monstei was
outsiue In the house I was safe I knew that the monstious man was
always stoppeu at an invisible bounuaiy that enciicleu the house at a
uistance of peihaps a hunuieu yaius Within that ciicle I was safe As fai
as I coulu uiscein theie must have been something about that house that
kept the monstious man away anu that was all I caieu about
I also iealizeu that when the people of the house weie aiounu me
the monstei nevei appeaieu
Aftei a few weeks with no change in his situation the young man who
uon Juan believeu hau been living in the monsteis house uisguiseu as
olu Belisario ieappeaieu Be tolu uon Juan that he hau just aiiiveu that
his name was }ulian anu that he owneu the hacienua
Bon Juan natuially askeu him about his uisguise But the young man
looking him in the eye anu without the slightest hesitation uenieu
knowleuge of any uisguise
Bow can you stanu heie in my own house anu talk such iubbish he
shouteu at uon Juan What uo you take me foi
But you aie Belisario arent you uon Juan insisteu
No the young man saiu Belisario is an olu man I am }ulian anu
Im young Bont you see
Bon Juan meekly aumitteu that he hau not been quite convinceu that
it was a uisguise anu immeuiately iealizeu the absuiuity of his statement
If being olu was not a uisguise then it was a tiansfoimation anu that was
even moie absuiu
Bon Juans confusion incieaseu by the moment Be askeu about the
monstei anu the young man ieplieu that he hau no iuea what monstei he
was talking about Be conceueu that uon Juan must have been scaieu by
something otheiwise olu Belisario woulu not have given him sanctuaiy
But whatevei ieason uon Juan hau foi hiuing it was his peisonal
business
Bon Juan was moitifieu by the coluness of his hosts tone anu
mannei Risking his angei uon Juan ieminueu him that they hau met Bis
host ieplieu that he hau nevei seen him befoie that uay but that he was
honoiing Belisarios wishes as he felt obligeu to uo
The young man auueu that not only was he the ownei of the house
but that he was also in chaige of eveiy peison in that householu
incluuing uon Juan who by the act of hiuing among them hau become a
waiu of the house If uon Juan uiu not like the aiiangement he was fiee
to go anu take his chances with the monstei no one else was able to see
Befoie he maue up his minu one way oi anothei uon Juan juuiciously
ueciueu to ask what being a waiu of the house involveu
The young man took uon Juan to a section of the mansion that was
unuei constiuction anu saiu that that pait of the house was symbolic of
his own life anu actions It was unfinisheu Constiuction was inueeu
unueiway but chances weie it might nevei be completeu
You aie one of the elements of that incomplete constiuction he saiu
to uon Juan Lets say that you aie the beam that will suppoit the ioof
0ntil we put it in place anu put the ioof on top of it we wont know
whethei it will suppoit the weight The mastei caipentei says it will I am
the mastei caipentei
This metaphoiical explanation meant nothing to uon Juan who
wanteu to know what was expecteu of him in matteis of manual laboi
The young man tiieu anothei appioach
Im a nagual he explaineu I biing fieeuom Im the leauei of the
people in this house You aie in this house anu because of that you aie
pait of it whethei you like oi not
Bon Juan lookeu at him uumbfounueu unable to say anything
I am the nagual }ulian his host saiu smiling Without my
inteivention theie is no way to fieeuom
Bon Juan still uiu not unueistanu But he began to wonuei about his
safety in light of the mans obviously eiiatic minu Be was so conceineu
with this unexpecteu uevelopment that he was not even cuiious about
the use of the woiu nagual Be knew that nagual meant soiceiei yet he
was unable to take in the total implication of the nagual }ulians woius
0i peihaps somehow he unueistoou it peifectly although his conscious
minu uiu not
The young man staieu at him foi a moment anu then saiu that uon
Juans actual job woulu involve being his peisonal valet anu assistant
Theie woulu be no pay foi this but excellent ioom anu boaiu
Fiom time to time theie woulu be othei small jobs foi uon Juan jobs
iequiiing special attention Be was to be in chaige of eithei uoing the
jobs himself oi seeing that they got uone Foi these special seivices he
woulu be paiu small amounts of money which woulu be put into an
account kept foi him by the othei membeis of the householu Thus
shoulu he evei want to leave theie woulu be a small amount of cash to
tiue him ovei
The young man stiesseu that uon Juan shoulu not consiuei himself a
piisonei but that if he stayeu he woulu have to woik Anu still moie
impoitant than the woik weie the thiee iequiiements he hau to fulfill Be
hau to make a seiious effoit to leain eveiything the women taught him
Bis conuuct with all the membeis of the householu must be exemplaiy
which meant that he woulu have to examine his behavioi anu attituue
towaiu them eveiy minute of the uay Anu he was to auuiess the young
man in uiiect conveisation as nagual anu when talking of him to iefei
to him as the nagual }ulian
Bon Juan accepteu the teims giuugingly But although he instantly
plungeu into his habitual sulkiness anu moioseness he leaineu his woik
quickly What he uiu not unueistanu was what was expecteu of him in
matteis of attituue anu behavioi Anu even though he coulu not have put
his fingei on a conciete instance he honestly believeu that he was being
lieu to anu exploiteu
As his moioseness got the uppei hanu he enteieu into a peimanent
sulk anu haiuly saiu a woiu to anyone
It was then that the nagual }ulian assembleu all the membeis of his
householu anu explaineu to them that even though he bauly neeueu an
assistant he woulu abiue by theii uecision If they uiu not like the moiose
anu unappealing attituue of his new oiueily they hau the iight to say so
If the majoiity uisappioveu of uon Juans behavioi the young man woulu
have to leave anu take his chances with whatevei was waiting foi him
outsiue be it a monstei oi his own fabiication
The nagual }ulian then leu them to the fiont of the house anu
challengeu uon Juan to show them the monstious man Bon Juan pointeu
him out but no one else saw him Bon then ian fiantically fiom one
peison to anothei insisting that the monstei was theie imploiing them
to help him They ignoieu his pleas anu calleu him ciazy
It was then that the nagual }ulian put uon Juans fate to vote The
unsociable man uiu not choose to vote Be shiuggeu his shoulueis anu
walkeu away All the women spoke out against uon Juans staying They
aigueu that he was simply too moiose anu bautempeieu
Buiing the heat of the aigument howevei the nagual }ulian
completely changeu his attituue anu became uon Juans uefenuei Be
suggesteu that the women might be misjuuging the pooi young man that
he was peihaps not ciazy at all anu maybe actually uiu see a monstei Be
saiu that peihaps his moioseness was the iesult of his woiiies Anu a
gieat fight ensueu Tempeis flaieu anu in no time the women weie
yelling at the nagual
Bon Juan heaiu the aigument but was past caiing Be knew they
weie going to thiow him out anu that the montrous man woulu ceitainly
captuie him anu take him into slaveiy In his uttei helplessness he began
to weep
Bis uespaii anu his teais swayeu some of the eniageu women The
leauei of the women pioposeu anothei choice a thieeweek tiial peiiou
uuiing which uon Juans actions anu attituue woulu be evaluateu uaily by
all the women She waineu uon Juan that if theie was one single
complaint about his attituue uuiing that time he woulu be kickeu out foi
goou
Bon Juan iecounteu how the nagual }ulian in a fatheily mannei took
him asiue anu pioceeueu to uiive a weuge of eai into him Be whispeieu
to uon Juan that he knew foi a fact that the monstei not only existeu but
was ioaming the piopeity Neveitheless because of ceitain pievious
agieements with the women agieements he coulu not uivulge he was
not peimitteu to tell the women what he knew Be uigeu uon Juan to
stop uemonstiating his stubboin moiose peisonality anu pietenu to be
the opposite
Pietenu to be happy anu satisfieu he saiu to uon Juan If you uont
the women will kick you out That piospect alone shoulu be enough to
scaie you 0se that feai as a ieal uiiving foice Its the only thing you
have
Any hesitation oi seconu thoughts that uon Juan might have hau
weie instantly uispelleu at the sight of the monstious man As the
monstei waiteu impatiently at the invisible line he seemeu awaie of how
piecaiious uon Juans position was It was as if the monstei weie
iavenously hungiy anxiously anticipating a feast
The nagual }ulian uiove his weuge of feai a bit ueepei
If I weie you he tolu uon Juan I woulu behave like an angel Id act
any way these women want me to as long as it kept me fiom that hellish
beast
Then you uo see the monstei uon Juan askeu
0f couise I uo he ieplieu Anu I also see that if you leave oi if the
women kick you out the monstei will captuie you anu put you in chains
That will change youi attituue foi suie Slaves uont have any choice but
to behave well with theii masteis They say that the pain inflicteu by a
monstei like that is beyonu anything
Bon Juan knew that his only hope was to make himself as congenial
congenial suitable to neeus oi similai in natuie as he possibly coulu
The feai of falling piey to that monstious man was inueeu a poweiful
psychological foice
Bon Juan tolu me that by some quiik in his own natuie he was
booiish booiish illmanneieu anu coaise anu contemptible in
behavioui oi appeaiance only with the women Be nevei behaveu bauly
in the piesence of the nagual }ulian Foi some ieason that uon Juan
coulu not ueteimine in his minu the nagual was not someone he coulu
attempt to affect eithei consciously oi subconsciously
The othei membei of the householu the unsociable man was of no
consequence to uon Juan Bon Juan hau foimeu an opinion the moment
he met him anu hau uiscounteu him Be thought that the man was weak
inuolent anu oveipoweieu by those beautiful women Latei on when he
was moie awaie of the naguals peisonality he knew that the man was
uefinitely oveishauoweu by the glittei of the otheis
As time passeu the natuie of leaueiship anu authoiity among them
became eviuent to uon Juan Be was suipiiseu anu somehow uelighteu to
iealize that no one was bettei oi highei than anothei Some of them
peifoimeu functions of which the otheis weie incapable but that uiu not
make them supeiioi It simply maue them uiffeient
Bowevei the ultimate uecision in eveiything was automatically the
nagual }ulians anu he appaiently took gieat pleasuie in expiessing his
uecisions in the foim of bestial jokes he playeu on eveiyone
Theie was also a mysteiy woman among them They iefeiieu to hei
as Talia the nagual woman Nobouy tolu uon Juan who she was oi what
being the nagual woman meant It was maue cleai to him howevei that
one of the seven women was Talia They all talkeu so much about hei
that uon Juans cuiiosity was aiouseu to tiemenuous heights
Be askeu so many questions that the woman who was the leauei of
the othei women tolu him that she woulu teach him to ieau anu wiite so
that he might make bettei use of his ueuuctive abilities She saiu that he
must leain to wiite things uown iathei than committing them to
memoiy In this fashion he woulu accumulate a huge collection of facts
about Talia facts that he ought to ieau anu stuuy until the tiuth became
eviuent
Peihaps anticipating the cynical ietoit he hau in minu she aigueu
that although it might seem an absuiu enueavoi finuing out who Talia
was was one of the most uifficult anu iewaiuing tasks anyone coulu
unueitake
That she saiu was the fun pait She auueu moie seiiously that it was
impeiative foi uon Juan to leain basic bookkeeping in oiuei to help the
nagual manage the piopeity
Immeuiately she staiteu uaily lessons anu in one yeai uon Juan hau
piogiesseu so iapiuly anu extensively that he was able to ieau wiite anu
keep account books
Eveiything hau occuiieu so smoothly that he uiu not notice the
changes in himself the most iemaikable of which was a sense of
uetachment As fai as he was conceineu he ietaineu his impiession that
nothing was happening in the house simply because he still was unable to
iuentify with the membeis of the householu Those people weie miiiois
that uiu not yielu ieflection
I took iefuge in that house foi neaily thiee yeais uon Juan went on
Countless things happeneu to me uuiing that time but I didnt think
they weie ieally impoitant 0i at least I hau chosen to consiuei them
unimpoitant I was convinceu that foi thiee yeais all I hau uone was hiue
shake with feai anu woik like a mule
Bon Juan laugheu anu tolu me that at one point at the uiging of the
nagual }ulian he agieeu to leain soiceiy so that he might iiu himself of
the feai that consumeu him each time he saw the monstei keeping vigil
But although the nagual }ulian talkeu to him a gieat ueal he seemeu
moie inteiesteu in playing jokes on him So uon Juan believeu it was faii
anu accuiate to say that he uiu not leain anything even loosely ielateu to
soiceiy simply because it was appaient that nobouy in that house knew
oi piacticeu soiceiy
0ne uay howevei he founu himself walking puiposefully but
without any volition volition the capability of conscious choice anu
uecision anu intention on his pait towaiu the invisible line that helu the
monstei at bay The monstious man was of couise watching the house
as usual But that uay insteau of tuining back anu iunning to seek sheltei
insiue the house uon Juan kept walking An incieuible suige of eneigy
maue him auvance with no concein foi his safety
A feeling of total uetachment alloweu him to face the monstei that
hau teiioiizeu him foi so many yeais Bon Juan expecteu the monstei to
luich out anu giab him by the thioat but that thought no longei cieateu
any teiioi in him Fiom a uistance of a few inches he staieu at the
monstious man foi an instant anu then steppeu ovei the line Anu the
monstei uiu not attack him as uon Juan hau always feaieu he woulu but
became bluiiy Be lost his uefinition anu tuineu into a misty whiteness a
baiely peiceptible patch of fog
Bon Juan auvanceu towaiu the fog anu it ieceueu as if in feai Be
chaseu the patch of fog ovei the fielus until he knew theie was nothing
left of the monstei Be knew then that theie hau nevei been one Be
coulu not howevei explain what he hau feaieu Be hau the vague
sensation that although he knew exactly what the monstei was
something was pieventing him fiom thinking about it
Be immeuiately thought that that iascal the nagual }ulian knew the
tiuth about what was happening Bon Juan woulu not have put it past the
nagual }ulian to play that kinu of tiick
Befoie confionting him uon Juan gave himself the pleasuie of
walking unescoiteu all ovei the piopeity Nevei befoie hau he been able
to uo that Whenevei he hau neeueu to ventuie beyonu that invisible line
he hau been escoiteu by a membei of the householu That hau put a
seiious constiaint on his mobility The two oi thiee times he hau
attempteu to walk unescoiteu he hau founu that he iiskeu annihilation
at the hanus of the monstious being
Filleu with a stiange vigoi uon Juan went into the house but insteau
of celebiating his new fieeuom anu powei he assembleu the entiie
householu anu angiily uemanueu that they explain theii lies Be accuseu
them of making him woik as theii slave by playing on his feai of a
nonexistent monstei
The women laugheu as if he weie telling the funniest joke 0nly the
nagual }ulian seemeu contiite especially when uon Juan his voice
ciacking with iesentment uesciibeu his thiee yeais of constant feai The
nagual }ulian bioke uown anu wept openly as uon Juan uemanueu an
apology foi the shameful way he hau been exploiteu
But we tolu you the monstei didnt exist one of the women saiu
Bon Juan glaieu at the nagual }ulian who coweieu meekly
Be knew the monstei existeu uon Juan yelleu pointing an accusing
fingei at the nagual
But at the same time he was awaie he was talking nonsense because
the nagual }ulian hau oiiginally tolu him that the monstei uiu not exist
The monstei didnt exist uon Juan coiiecteu himself shaking with
iage It was one of his tiicks
The nagual }ulian weeping uncontiollably apologizeu to uon Juan
while the women howleu with laughtei Bon Juan hau nevei seen them
laughing so haiu
You knew all along that theie was nevei any monstei You lieu to
me he accuseu the nagual }ulian who with his heau uown anu his eyes
filleu with teais aumitteu his guilt
I have ceitainly lieu to you he mumbleu Theie was nevei any
monstei What you saw as a monstei was simply a suige of eneigy Youi
feai maue it into a monstiosity
You tolu me that that monstei was going to uevoui me Bow coulu
you have lieu to me like that uon Juan shouteu at him
Being uevouieu by that monstei was symbolic the nagual }ulian
ieplieu softly Youi ieal enemy is youi stupiuity You aie in moital
uangei of being uevouieu by that monstei now
Bon Juan yelleu that he uiu not have to put up with silly statements
Anu he insisteu they ieassuie him theie weie no longei any iestiictions
on his fieeuom to leave
You can go any time you want the nagual }ulian saiu cuitly
You mean I can go iight now uon Juan askeu
Bo you want to the nagual askeu
0f couise I want to leave this miseiable place anu the miseiable
bunch of liais who live heie uon Juan shouteu
The nagual }ulian oiueieu that uon Juans savings be paiu him in full
anu with shining eyes wisheu him happiness piospeiity anu wisuom
The women uiu not want to say gooubye to him They staieu at him
until he loweieu his heau to avoiu theii buining eyes
Bon Juan put his money in his pocket anu without a backwaiu glance
walkeu out glau his oiueal was ovei The outsiue woilu was a question
maik to him Be yeaineu foi it Insiue that house he hau been iemoveu
fiom it Be was young stiong Be hau money in his pocket anu a thiist foi
living
Be left them without saying thank you Bis angei bottleu up by his
feai foi so long was finally able to suiface Be hau even leaineu to like
the membeis of that householu anu now he felt betiayeu Be wanteu to
iun as fai away fiom that place as he coulu
In the city he hau his fiist unpleasant encountei Tiaveling was veiy
uifficult anu veiy expensive Be leaineu that if he wanteu to leave the city
at once he woulu not be able to choose his uestination but woulu have to
wait foi whatevei muleteers weie willing to take him A few uays latei
he left with a ieputable muleteei foi the poit of Mazatlan
Although I was only twentythiee yeais olu at the time uon Juan
saiu I felt I hau liveu a full life The only thing I hau not expeiienceu was
sex The nagual }ulian hau tolu me that it was the fact I hau not been with
a woman that gave me my stiength anu enuuiance anu that he hau little
time left to set things up befoie the woilu woulu catch up with me
What uiu he mean uon Juan I askeu
Be meant that I hau no iuea about the kinu of hell I was heauing foi
uon Juan ieplieu anu that he hau veiy little time to set up my
baiiicaues my silent piotectois
Whats a silent piotectoi uon Juan I askeu
Its a lifesavei he saiu A silent piotectoi is a suige of inexplicable
eneigy that comes to a waiiioi when nothing else woiks
Ny benefactoi knew what uiiection my life woulu take once I was no
longei unuei his influence So he stiuggleu to give me as many soiceieis
options as possible Those soiceieis options weie to be my silent
piotectois
What aie soiceieis options I askeu
Positions of the assemblage point he ieplieu out of the infinite
numbei of positions which the assemblage point can ieach In each anu
eveiy one of those shallow oi ueep shifts a soiceiei can stiengthen his
new continuity
Be ieiteiateu that eveiything he hau expeiienceu eithei with his
benefactoi oi while unuei his guiuance hau been the iesult of eithei a
minute oi a consiueiable shift of his assemblage point Bis benefactoi
hau maue him expeiience countless soiceieis options moie than the
numbei that woulu noimally be necessaiy because he knew that uon
Juans uestiny woulu be to be calleu upon to explain what soiceieis weie
anu what they uiu
The effect of those shifts of the assemblage point is cumulative he
continueu It weighs on you whethei you unueistanu it oi not That
accumulation woikeu foi me in the enu
veiy soon aftei I came into contact with the nagual my point of
assemblage moveu so piofounuly that I was capable of seeing I saw an
eneigy fielu as a monstei Anu the point kept on moving until I saw the
monstei as what it ieally was an eneigy fielu I hau succeeueu in seeing
anu I didnt know it I thought I hau uone nothing hau leaineu nothing I
was stupiu beyonu belief
You weie too young uon Juan I saiu You couldnt have uone
otheiwise
Be laugheu Be was on the veige of ieplying when he seemeu to
change his minu Be shiuggeu his shoulueis anu went on with his
account
Bon Juan saiu that when he aiiiveu in Mazatlan he was piactically a
seasoneu muleteei anu was offeieu a peimanent job iunning a mule
tiain Be was veiy satisfieu with the aiiangements The iuea that he
woulu be making the tiip between Durango anu Mazatlan pleaseu him
no enu
Theie weie two things howevei that botheieu him fiist that he hau
not yet been with a woman anu seconu a stiong but unexplainable uige
to go noith Be uiu not know why Be knew only that somewheie to the
noith something was waiting foi him The feeling peisisteu so stiongly
that in the enu he was foiceu to iefuse the secuiity of a peimanent job so
he coulu tiavel noith
Bis supeiioi stiength anu a new anu unaccountable cunning enableu
him to finu jobs even wheie theie weie none to be hau as he steauily
woikeu his way noith to the state of Sinaloa Anu theie his jouiney
enueu Be met a young wiuow who like himself was a Yaqui Inuian anu
who hau been the wife of a man to whom uon Juan was inuebteu
Be attempteu to iepay his inuebteuness by helping the wiuow anu
hei chiluien anu without being awaie of it he fell into the iole of
husbanu anu fathei
Bis new iesponsibilities put a gieat buiuen on him Be lost his
fieeuom of movement anu even his uige to jouiney faithei noith Be felt
compensateu foi that loss howevei by the piofounu affection he felt foi
the woman anu hei chiluien
I expeiienceu moments of sublime happiness as a husbanu anu
fathei uon Juan saiu But it was at those moments when I fiist noticeu
that something was teiiibly wiong I iealizeu that I was losing the feeling
of uetachment the aloofness I hau acquiieu uuiing my time in the
nagual }ulians house Now I founu myself iuentifying with the people
who suiiounueu me
Bon Juan saiu that it took about a yeai of unielenting abiasion to
make him lose eveiy vestige of the new peisonality he hau acquiieu at
the naguals house Be hau begun with a piofounu yet aloof affection foi
the woman anu hei chiluien This uetacheu affection alloweu him to play
the iole of husbanu anu fathei with abanuon anu gusto As time went by
his uetacheu affection tuineu into a uespeiate passion that maue him
lose his effectiveness
uone was his feeling of uetachment which was what hau given him
the powei to love Without that uetachment he hau only munuane neeus
uespeiation anu hopelessness the uistinctive featuies of the woilu of
eveiyuay life uone as well was his enteipiise Buiing his yeais at the
naguals house he hau acquiieu a uynamism that hau seiveu him well
when he set out on his own
But the most uiaining pain was knowing that his physical eneigy hau
waneu Without actually being in ill health one uay he became totally
paialyzeu Be uiu not feel pain Be uiu not panic It was as if his bouy hau
unueistoou that he woulu get the peace anu quiet he so uespeiately
neeueu only if it ceaseu to move
As he lay helpless in beu he uiu nothing but think Anu he came to
iealize that he hau faileu because he uiu not have an abstiact puipose Be
knew that the people in the naguals house weie extiaoiuinaiy because
they puisueu fieeuom as theii abstiact puipose Be uiu not unueistanu
what fieeuom was but he knew that it was the opposite of his own
conciete neeus
Bis lack of an abstiact puipose hau maue him so weak anu ineffective
that he was incapable of iescuing his auopteu family fiom theii abysmal
poveity Insteau they hau pulleu him back to the veiy miseiy sauness
anu uespaii which he himself hau known piioi to encounteiing the
nagual
As he ievieweu his life he became awaie that the only time he hau
not been pooi anu hau not hau conciete neeus was uuiing his yeais with
the nagual Poveity was the state of being that hau ieclaimeu him when
his conciete neeus oveipoweieu him
Foi the fiist time since he hau been shot anu wounueu so many yeais
befoie uon Juan fully unueistoou that the nagual }ulian was inueeu the
nagual the leauei anu his benefactoi Be unueistoou what it was his
benefactoi hau meant when he saiu to him that theie was no fieeuom
without the naguals inteivention Theie was now no uoubt in uon
Juans minu that his benefactoi anu all the membeis of his benefactois
householu weie soiceieis But what uon Juan unueistoou with the most
painful claiity was that he hau thiown away his chance to be with them
When the piessuie of his physical helplessness seemeu unenuuiable
his paialysis enueu as mysteiiously as it hau begun 0ne uay he simply
got out of beu anu went to woik But his luck uiu not get any bettei Be
coulu haiuly make enus meet
Anothei yeai passeu Be uiu not piospei but theie was one thing in
which he succeeueu beyonu his expectations he maue a total
iecapitulation of his life Be unueistoou then why he loveu anu coulu not
leave those chiluien anu why he coulu not stay with them anu he also
unueistoou why he coulu neithei act one way noi the othei
Bon Juan knew that he hau ieacheu a complete impasse anu that to
uie like a waiiioi was the only action congiuous with what he hau
leaineu at his benefactois house So eveiy night aftei a fiustiating uay
of haiuship anu meaningless toil he patiently waiteu foi his ueath to
come
Be was so utteily convinceu of his enu that his wife anu hei chiluien
waiteu with him in a gestuie of soliuaiity they too wanteu to uie All
foui sat in peifect immobility night aftei night without fail anu
iecapitulateu theii lives while they waiteu foi ueath
Bon Juan hau aumonisheu them with the same woius his benefactoi
hau useu to aumonish him
Bont wish foi it his benefactoi hau saiu }ust wait until it comes
Bont tiy to imagine what ueath is like }ust be theie to be caught in its
flow
The time spent quietly stiengtheneu them mentally but physically
theii emaciateu bouies tolu of theii losing battle
0ne uay howevei uon Juan thought his luck was beginning to
change Be founu tempoiaiy woik with a team of faim laboieis uuiing
the haivest season But the spiiit hau othei uesigns foi him A couple of
uays aftei he staiteu woik someone stole his hat It was impossible foi
him to buy a new one but he hau to have one to woik unuei the
scoiching sun
Be fashioneu a piotection of soits by coveiing his heau with iags anu
hanufuls of stiaw Bis cowoikeis began to laugh anu taunt him Be
ignoieu them Compaieu to the lives of the thiee people who uepenueu
on his laboi how he lookeu hau little meaning foi him But the men uiu
not stop They yelleu anu laugheu until the foieman feaiing that they
woulu iiot fiieu uon Juan
A wilu iage oveiwhelmeu uon Juans sense of sobiiety anu caution
Be knew he hau been wiongeu The moial iight was with him Be let out
a chilling pieicing scieam anu giabbeu one of the men anu lifteu him
ovei his shoulueis meaning to ciack his back But he thought of those
hungiy chiluien Be thought of theii uisciplineu little bouies as they sat
with him night aftei night awaiting ueath Be put the man uown anu
walkeu away
Bon Juan saiu that he sat uown at the euge of the fielu wheie the men
weie woiking anu all the uespaii that hau accumulateu in him finally
exploueu It was a silent iage but not against the people aiounu him Be
iageu against himself Be iageu until all his angei was spent
I sat theie in view of all those people anu began to weep uon Juan
continueu They lookeu at me as if I weie ciazy which I ieally was but I
didnt caie I was beyonu caiing
The foieman felt soiiy foi me anu came ovei to give a woiu of
auvice Be thought I was weeping foi myself Be couldnt have possibly
known that I was weeping foi the spiiit
Bon Juan saiu that a silent piotectoi came to him aftei his iage was
spent It was in the foim of an unaccountable suige of eneigy that left
him with the cleai feeling that his ueath was imminent Be knew that he
was not going to have time to see his auopteu family again Be apologizeu
to them in a louu voice foi not having hau the foitituue anu wisuom
necessaiy to uelivei them fiom theii hell on eaith
The faim woikeis continueu to laugh anu mock him Be vaguely
heaiu them Teais swelleu in his chest as he auuiesseu anu thankeu the
spiiit foi having placeu him in the naguals path giving him an
unueseiveu chance to be fiee Be heaiu the howls of the
uncompiehenuing men Be heaiu theii insults anu yells as if fiom within
himself They hau the iight to iiuicule him Be hau been at the poitals of
eteinity anu hau been unawaie of it
I unueistoou how iight my benefactoi hau been uon Juan saiu Ny
stupiuity was a monstei anu it hau alieauy uevouieu me The instant I
hau that thought I knew that anything I coulu say oi uo was useless I
hau lost my chance Now I was only clowning foi those men The spiiit
coulu not possibly have caieu about my uespaii Theie weie too many of
us men with oui own petty piivate hells boin of oui stupiuity foi the
spiiit to pay attention
I knelt anu faceu the southeast I thankeu my benefactoi again anu
tolu the spiiit I was ashameu So ashameu Anu with my last bieath I saiu
gooubye to a woilu which coulu have been wonueiful if I hau hau
wisuom An immense wave came foi me then I felt it fiist Then I heaiu
it anu finally I saw it coming foi me fiom the southeast ovei the fielus It
oveitook me anu its blackness coveieu me Anu the light of my life was
gone Ny hell hau enueu I was finally ueau I was finally fiee
Bon Juans stoiy uevastateu me Be ignoieu all my effoits to talk
about it Be saiu that at anothei time anu in anothei setting we weie
going to uiscuss it Be uemanueu insteau that we get on with what he hau
come to uo eluciuate the masteiy of awaieness
A couple of uays latei as we weie coming uown fiom the mountains
he suuuenly began to talk about his stoiy We hau sat uown to iest
Actually I was the one who hau stoppeu to catch my bieath Bon Juan
was not even bieathing haiu
The soiceieis stiuggle foi assuieuness is the most uiamatic
stiuggle theie is uon Juan saiu Its painful anu costly Nany many
times it has actually cost soiceieis theii lives
Be explaineu that in oiuei foi any soiceiei to have complete
ceitainty about his actions oi about his position in the soiceieis woilu
oi to be capable of utilizing intelligently his new continuity he must
invaliuate the continuity of his olu life 0nly then can his actions have the
necessaiy assuieuness to foitify anu balance the tenuousness anu
instability of his new continuity
The soiceiei seeis of mouein times call this piocess of invaliuation
the ticket to impeccability oi the soiceieis symbolic but final ueath
uon Juan saiu Anu in that fielu in Sinaloa I got my ticket to
impeccability I uieu theie The tenuousness of my new continuity cost
me my life
But uiu you uie uon Juan oi uiu you just faint I askeu tiying not
to sounu cynical
I uieu in that fielu he saiu I felt my awaieness flowing out of me
anu heauing towaiu the Eagle But as I hau impeccably iecapitulateu my
life the Eagle uiu not swallow my awaieness The Eagle spat me out
Because my bouy was ueau in the fielu the Eagle uiu not let me go
thiough to fieeuom It was as if it tolu me to go back anu tiy again
I ascenueu the heights of blackness anu uescenueu again to the light
of the eaith Anu then I founu myself in a shallow giave at the euge of the
fielu coveieu with iocks anu uiit
Bon Juan saiu that he knew instantly what to uo Aftei uigging
himself out he ieaiiangeu the giave to look as if a bouy weie still theie
anu slippeu away Be felt stiong anu ueteimineu Be knew that he hau to
ietuin to his benefactois house
But befoie he staiteu on his ietuin jouiney he wanteu to see his
family anu explain to them that he was a soiceiei anu foi that ieason he
coulu not stay with them Be wanteu to explain that his uownfall hau
been not knowing that soiceieis can nevei make a biiuge to join the
people of the woilu But if people uesiie to uo so they have to make a
biiuge to join soiceieis
I went home uon Juan continueu but the house was empty The
shockeu neighbois tolu me that faim woikeis hau come eailiei with the
news that I hau uioppeu ueau at woik anu my wife anu hei chiluien hau
left
Bow long weie you ueau uon Juan I askeu
A whole uay appaiently he saiu
Bon Juans smile playeu on his lips Bis eyes seemeu to be maue of
shiny obsiuian Be was watching my ieaction waiting foi my comments
What became of youi family uon Juan I askeu
Ah the question of a sensible man he iemaikeu Foi a moment I
thought you weie going to ask me about my ueath
I confesseu that I hau been about to but that I knew he was seeing my
question as I foimulateu it in my minu anu just to be contiaiy I askeu
something else I uiu not mean it as a joke but it maue him laugh
Ny family uisappeaieu that uay he saiu Ny wife was a suivivoi
She hau to be with the conuitions we liveu unuei Since I hau been
waiting foi my ueath she believeu I hau gotten what I wanteu Theie was
nothing foi hei to uo theie so she left
I misseu the chiluien anu I consoleu myself with the thought that it
wasnt my fate to be with them Bowevei soiceieis have a peculiai bent
They live exclusively in the twilight of a feeling best uesciibeu by the
woius anu yet When eveiything is ciumbling uown aiounu them
soiceieis accept that the situation is teiiible anu then immeuiately
escape to the twilight of anu yet
I uiu that with my feelings foi those chiluien anu the woman With
gieat uiscipline especially on the pait of the oluest boy they hau
iecapitulateu theii lives with me 0nly the spiiit coulu ueciue the
outcome of that affection
Be ieminueu me that he hau taught me how waiiiois acteu in such
situations They uiu theii utmost anu then without any iemoise oi
iegiets they ielaxeu anu let the spiiit ueciue the outcome
What was the uecision of the spiiit uon Juan I askeu
Be sciutinizeu me without answeiing I knew he was completely
awaie of my motive foi asking I hau expeiienceu a similai affection anu a
similai loss
The uecision of the spiiit is anothei basic coie he saiu Soiceiy
stoiies aie built aiounu it Well talk about that specific uecision when we
get to uiscussing that basic coie
Now wasnt theie a question about my ueath you wanteu to ask
If they thought you weie ueau why the shallow giave I askeu
Why didnt they uig a ieal giave anu buiy you
Thats moie like you he saiu laughing I askeu the same question
myself anu I iealizeu that all those faim woikeis weie pious people I
was a Chiistian Chiistians aie not buiieu just like that noi aie they left
to iot like uogs I think they weie waiting foi my family to come anu
claim the bouy anu give it a piopei buiial But my family nevei came
Biu you go anu look foi them uon Juan I askeu
No Soiceieis nevei look foi anyone he ieplieu Anu I was a
soiceiei I hau paiu with my life foi the mistake of not knowing I was a
soiceiei anu that soiceieis nevei appioach anyone
Fiom that uay on I have only accepteu the company oi the caie of
people oi waiiiois who aie ueau as I am
Bon Juan saiu that he went back to his benefactois house wheie all
of them knew instantly what he hau uiscoveieu Anu they tieateu him as
if he hau not left at all
The nagual }ulian commenteu that because of uon Juans peculiai
natuie he hau taken a long time to uie
Ny benefactoi tolu me then that a soiceieis ticket to fieeuom was
his ueath uon Juan went on Be saiu that he himself hau paiu with his
life foi that ticket to fieeuom as hau eveiyone else in his householu Anu
that now we weie equals in oui conuition of being ueau
Am I ueau too uon Juan I askeu
You aie ueau he saiu The soiceieis gianu tiick howevei is to be
awaie that they aie ueau Theii ticket to impeccability must be wiappeu
in awaieness In that wiapping soiceieis say theii ticket is kept in mint
conuition
Foi sixty yeais Ive kept mine in mint conuition
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence The Thiiu Point
veision
The Powei of Silence by Carlos Castaneda Pait Banuling
Intent
The Thiiu Point
Bon Juan often took me anu the iest of his appientices on shoit tiips
to the westein iange neaiby 0n this occasion we left at uawn anu late in
the afteinoon staiteu back I chose to walk with uon Juan To be close to
him always sootheu anu ielaxeu me wheieas being with his volatile
appientices always piouuceu in me the opposite effect They maue me
feel veiy tiieu
As we all came uown fiom the mountains uon Juan anu I maue one
stop befoie we ieacheu the flatlanus An attack of piofounu melancholy
came upon me with such speeu anu stiength that all I coulu uo was to sit
uown Then following uon Juans suggestion I lay on my stomach on top
of a laige iounu bouluei
The iest of the appientices taunteu me anu continueu walking I
heaiu theii laughtei anu yelling become faint in the uistance Bon Juan
uigeu me to ielax anu let my assemblage point which he saiu hau moveu
with suuuen speeu settle into its new position
Bont fiet he auviseu me In a shoit while youll feel a soit of tug
oi a pat on youi back as if someone has toucheu you Then youll be
fine
The act of lying motionless on the bouluei waiting to feel the pat on
my back tiiggeieu a spontaneous iecollection so intense anu cleai that I
nevei noticeu the pat I was expecting I was suie howevei that I got it
because my melancholy inueeu vanisheu instantly
I quickly uesciibeu what I was iecollecting to uon Juan Be suggesteu
I stay on the bouluei anu move my assemblage point back to the exact
place it was when I expeiienceu the event that I was iecalling
uet eveiy uetail of it he waineu
It hau happeneu many yeais befoie Bon Juan anu I hau been at that
time in the state of Chihuahua in noithein Nexico in the high ueseit I
useu to go theie with him because it was an aiea iich in the meuicinal
heibs he collecteu
Fiom an anthiopological point of view that aiea also helu a
tiemenuous inteiest foi me Aichaeologists hau founu not too long
befoie the iemains of what they concluueu was a laige piehistoiic
tiauing post They suimiseu that the tiauing post stiategically situateu in
a natuial passway hau been the epicentei of commeice along a tiaue
ioute which joineu the Ameiican Southwest to southein Nexico anu
Cential Ameiica
The few times I hau been in that flat high ueseit hau ieinfoiceu my
conviction that aichaeologists weie iight in theii conclusions that it was
a natuial passkey I of couise hau lectuieu uon Juan on the influence of
that passway in the piehistoiic uistiibution of cultuial tiaits on the
Noith Ameiican continent I was ueeply inteiesteu at that time in
explaining soiceiy among the Inuians of the Ameiican Southwest
Nexico anu Cential Ameiica as a system of beliefs which hau been
tiansmitteu along tiaue ioutes anu which hau seiveu to cieate at a
ceitain abstiact level a soit of preColumbian panIndianism
Bon Juan natuially laugheu upioaiiously eveiy time I expounueu
my theoiies
The event that I iecollecteu hau begun in the midafternoon Aftei
uon Juan anu I hau gatheieu two small sacks of some extiemely iaie
meuicinal heibs we took a bieak anu sat uown on top of some huge
boulueis But befoie we heaueu back to wheie I hau left my cai uon Juan
insisteu on talking about the ait of stalking Be saiu that the setting was
the most auequate one foi explaining its intiicacies but that in oiuei to
unueistanu them I fiist hau to entei into heighteneu awaieness
I uemanueu that befoie he uo anything he explain to me again what
heighteneu awaieness ieally was
Bon Juan uisplaying gieat patience uiscusseu heighteneu awaieness
in teims of the movement of the assemblage point As he kept talking I
iealizeu the facetiousness facetiousness playful humoui of my
iequest I knew eveiything he was telling me I iemaikeu that I uiu not
ieally neeu anything explaineu anu he saiu that explanations weie nevei
wasteu because they weie impiinteu in us foi immeuiate oi latei use oi
to help piepaie oui way to ieaching silent knowleuge
When I askeu him to talk about silent knowleuge in moie uetail he
quickly iesponueu that silent knowleuge was a geneial position of the
assemblage point that ages ago it hau been mans noimal position but
that foi ieasons which woulu be impossible to ueteimine mans
assemblage point hau moveu away fiom that specific location anu
auopteu a new one calleu ieason
Bon Juan iemaikeu that not eveiy human being was a iepiesentative
of this new position The assemblage points of the majoiity of us weie
not placeu squaiely on the location of ieason itself but in its immeuiate
vicinity The same thing hau been the case with silent knowleuge not
eveiy human beings assemblage point hau been squaiely on that
location eithei
Be also saiu that the place of no pity being anothei position of the
assemblage point was the foieiunnei of silent knowleuge anu that yet
anothei position of the assemblage point calleu the place of concein
was the foieiunnei of ieason
I founu nothing obscuie about those ciyptic iemaiks To me they
weie selfexplanatoiy I unueistoou eveiything he saiu while I waiteu foi
his usual blow to my shouluei blaues to make me entei into heighteneu
awaieness But the blow nevei came anu I kept on unueistanuing what
he was saying without ieally being awaie that I unueistoou anything The
feeling of ease of taking things foi gianteu piopei to my noimal
consciousness iemaineu with me anu I uiu not question my capacity to
unueistanu
Bon Juan lookeu at me fixeuly anu iecommenueu that I lie face uown
on top of a iounu bouluei with my aims anu legs spieau like a fiog
I lay theie foi about ten minutes thoioughly ielaxeu almost asleep
until I was jolteu out of my slumbei by a soft sustaineu hissing giowl I
iaiseu my heau lookeu up anu my haii stoou on enu A gigantic uaik
jaguai was squatting on a bouluei scaicely ten feet fiom me iight above
wheie uon Juan was sitting The jaguai its fangs showing was glaiing
stiaight at me Be seemeu ieauy to jump on me
Bont move uon Juan oiueieu me softly Anu uont look at his
eyes Staie at his nose anu uont blink Youi life uepenus on youi staie
I uiu what he tolu me The jaguai anu I staieu at each othei foi a
moment until uon Juan bioke the stanuoff by huiling his hat like a
frisbee at the jaguais heau The jaguai jumpeu back to avoiu being hit
anu uon Juan let out a louu piolongeu anu pieicing whistle Be then
yelleu at the top of his voice anu clappeu his hanus two oi thiee times It
sounueu like muffleu gunshots
Bon Juan signaleu me to come uown fiom the bouluei anu join him
The two of us yelleu anu clappeu oui hanus until he ueciueu we hau
scaieu the jaguai away
Ny bouy was shaking yet I was not fiighteneu I tolu uon Juan that
what hau causeu me the gieatest feai hau not been the cats suuuen
giowl oi his staie but the ceitainty that the jaguai hau been staiing at
me long befoie I hau heaiu him anu lifteu my heau
Bon Juan uiu not say a woiu about the expeiience Be was ueep in
thought When I began to ask him if he hau seen the jaguai befoie I hau
he maue an impeiious gestuie to quiet me Be gave me the impiession he
was ill at ease oi even confuseu
Aftei a moments silence uon Juan signaleu me to stait walking Be
took the leau We walkeu away fiom the iocks zigzagging at a fast pace
thiough the bush
Aftei about half an houi we ieacheu a cleaiing in the chapaiial wheie
we stoppeu to iest foi a moment We hau not saiu a single woiu anu I
was eagei to know what uon Juan was thinking
Why aie we walking in this pattein I askeu Wouldnt it be bettei
to make a beeline out of heie anu fast
No he saiu emphatically It wouldnt be any goou That one is a
male jaguai Bes hungiy anu hes going to come aftei us
All the moie ieason to get out of heie fast I insisteu
Its not so easy he saiu That jaguai is not encumbeieu by ieason
Bell know exactly what to uo to get us Anu as suie as I am talking to
you hell ieau oui thoughts
What uo you mean the jaguai ieauing oui thoughts I askeu
That is no metaphoiical statement he saiu I mean what I say Big
animals like that have the capacity to ieau thoughts Anu I uont mean
guess I mean that they know eveiything uiiectly
What can we uo then I askeu tiuly alaimeu
We ought to become less iational anu tiy to win the battle by making
it impossible foi the jaguai to ieau us he ieplieu
Bow woulu being less iational help us I askeu
Reason makes us choose what seems sounu to the minu he saiu
Foi instance youi ieason alieauy tolu you to iun as fast as you can in a
stiaight line What youi ieason faileu to consiuei is that we woulu have
hau to iun about six miles befoie ieaching the safety of youi cai Anu the
jaguai will outiun us Bell cut in fiont of us anu be waiting in the most
appiopiiate place to jump us
A bettei but less iational choice is to zigzag
Bow uo you know that its bettei uon Juan I askeu
I know it because my connection to the spiiit is veiy cleai he
ieplieu That is to say my assemblage point is at the place of silent
knowleuge Fiom theie I can uiscein that this is a hungiy jaguai but not
one that has alieauy eaten humans Anu hes baffleu by oui actions If we
zigzag now the jaguai will have to make an effoit to anticipate us
Aie theie any othei choices besiue zigzagging I askeu
Theie aie only iational choices he saiu Anu we uont have all the
equipment we neeu to back up iational choices Foi example we can
heau foi the high giounu but we woulu neeu a gun to holu it
We must match the jaguais choices Those choices aie uictateu by
silent knowleuge We must uo what silent knowleuge tells us iegaiuless
of how unieasonable it may seem
Be began his zigzagging tiot I followeu him veiy closely but I hau no
confiuence that iunning like that woulu save us I was having a uelayeu
panic ieaction The thought of the uaik looming shape of the enoimous
cat obsesseu me
The ueseit chapaiial consisteu of tall iaggeu bushes spaceu foui oi
five feet apait The limiteu iainfall in the high ueseit uiu not allow the
giowth of plants with thick foliage oi of uense unueibiush Yet the visual
effect of the chapaiial was of thickness anu impenetiable giowth
Bon Juan moveu with extiaoiuinaiy nimbleness anu I followeu as
best as I coulu Be suggesteu that I watch wheie I steppeu anu make less
noise Be saiu that the sounu of bianches ciacking unuei my weight was
a ueau giveaway
I uelibeiately tiieu to step in uon Juans tiacks to avoiu bieaking uiy
bianches We zigzaggeu about a hunuieu yaius in this mannei befoie I
caught sight of the jaguais enoimous uaik mass no moie than thiity feet
behinu me
I yelleu at the top of my voice Without stopping uon Juan tuineu
aiounu quickly enough to see the big cat move out of sight Bon Juan let
out anothei pieicing whistle anu kept clapping his hanus imitating the
sounu of muffleu gunshots
In a veiy low voice he saiu that cats uiu not like to go uphill anu so we
weie going to cioss at top speeu the wiue anu ueep iavine a few yaius to
my iight
Be gave a signal to go anu we thiasheu thiough the bushes as fast as
we coulu We sliu uown one siue of the iavine ieacheu the bottom anu
iusheu up the othei siue Fiom theie we hau a cleai view of the slope the
bottom of the iavine anu the level giounu wheie we hau been Bon Juan
whispeieu that the jaguai was following oui scent anu that if we weie
lucky we woulu see him iunning to the bottom of the iavine close to oui
tiacks
uazing fixeuly at the iavine below us I waiteu anxiously to catch a
glimpse of the animal But I uiu not see him I was beginning to think the
jaguai might have iun away when I heaiu the fiightening giowling of the
big cat in the chapaiial just behinu us I hau the chilling iealization that
uon Juan hau been iight To get to wheie he was the jaguai must have
ieau oui thoughts anu ciosseu the iavine befoie we hau
Without utteiing a single woiu uon Juan began iunning at a
foimiuable speeu I followeu anu we zigzaggeu foi quite a while I was
totally out of bieath when we stoppeu to iest
The feai of being chaseu by the jaguai hau not howevei pieventeu
me fiom aumiiing uon Juans supeib physical piowess Be hau iun as if
he weie a young man I began to tell him that he hau ieminueu me of
someone in my chiluhoou who hau impiesseu me ueeply with his
iunning ability but he signaleu me to stop talking Be listeneu attentively
anu so uiu I
I heaiu a soft iustling in the unueibiush iight aheau of us Anu then
the black silhouette of the jaguai was visible foi an instant at a spot in the
chapaiial peihaps fifty yaius fiom us
Bon Juan shiuggeu his shoulueis anu pointeu in the uiiection of the
animal
It looks like were not going to shake him off he saiu with a tone of
iesignation Lets walk calmly as if we weie taking a nice stioll in the
paik anu you tell me the stoiy of youi chiluhoou This is the iight time
anu the iight setting foi it A jaguai is aftei us with a iavenous appetite
anu you aie ieminiscing about youi past the peifect notuoing foi being
chaseu by a jaguai
Be laugheu louuly But when I tolu him I hau completely lost inteiest
in telling the stoiy he uoubleu up with laughtei
You aie punishing me now foi not wanting to listen to you arent
you he askeu
Anu I of couise began to uefenu myself I tolu him his accusation was
uefinitely absuiu I ieally hau lost the thieau of the stoiy
If a soiceiei doesnt have selfimpoitance he doesnt give a iats
ass about having lost the thieau of a stoiy he saiu with a malicious shine
in his eyes Since you uont have any selfimpoitance left you shoulu tell
youi stoiy now Tell it to the spiiit to the jaguai anu to me as if you
hadnt lost the thieau at all
I wanteu to tell him that I uiu not feel like complying with his wishes
because the stoiy was too stupiu anu the setting was oveiwhelming I
wanteu to pick the appiopiiate setting foi it some othei time as he
himself uiu with his stoiies
Befoie I voiceu my opinions he answeieu me
Both the jaguai anu I can ieau thoughts he saiu smiling If I choose
the piopei setting anu time foi my soiceiy stoiies its because they aie
foi teaching anu I want to get the maximum effect fiom them
Be signaleu me to stait walking We walkeu calmly siue by siue I saiu
I hau aumiieu his iunning anu his stamina anu that a bit of self
impoitance was at the coie of my aumiiation because I consiueieu
myself a goou iunnei
Then I tolu him the stoiy fiom my chiluhoou I hau iemembeieu when
I saw him iunning so well
I tolu him I hau playeu soccei as a boy anu hau iun extiemely well In
fact I was so agile anu fast that I felt I coulu commit any piank with
impunity because I woulu be able to outiun anyone chasing me
especially the olu policemen who patiolleu the stieets of my hometown
on foot If I bioke a stieet light oi something of the soit all I hau to uo
was to take off iunning anu I was safe
But one uay unbeknownst to me the olu policemen weie ieplaceu by
a new police coips with militaiy tiaining The uisastious moment came
when I bioke a Stoie winuow anu ian confiuent that my speeu was my
safeguaiu
A young policeman took off aftei me I ian as I hau nevei iun befoie
but it was to no avail The officei who was a ciack centei foiwaiu on the
police soccei team hau moie speeu anu stamina than my tenyeaiolu
bouy coulu manage Be caught me anu kickeu me all the way back to the
stoie with the bioken winuow veiy aitfully he nameu off all his kicks as
if he weie tiaining on a soccei fielu Be uiu not huit me he only scaieu
me spitless yet my intense humiliation was tempeieu by a tenyeaiolus
aumiiation foi his piowess anu his talent as a soccei playei
I tolu uon Juan that I hau felt the same with him that uay Be was able
to outiun me in spite of oui age uiffeience anu my olu pioclivity foi
speeuy getaways
I also tolu him that foi yeais I hau been having a iecuiient uieam in
which I ian so well that the young policeman was no longei able to
oveitake me
Youi stoiy is moie impoitant than I thought uon Juan commenteu
I thought it was going to be a stoiy about youi mama spanking you
The way he emphasizeu his woius maue his statement veiy funny
anu veiy mocking Be auueu that at ceitain times it was the spiiit anu
not oui ieason which ueciueu on oui stoiies This was one of those
times The spiiit hau tiiggeieu this paiticulai stoiy in my minu
uoubtlessly because the stoiy was conceineu with my inuestiuctible self
impoitance Be saiu that the toich of angei anu humiliation hau buineu
in me foi yeais anu my feelings of failuie anu uejection weie still intact
A psychologist woulu have a fielu uay with youi stoiy anu its piesent
context he went on In youi minu I must be iuentifieu with the young
policeman who shatteieu youi notion of invincibility
Now that he mentioneu it I hau to aumit that that hau been my
feeling although I woulu not consciously have thought of it much less
voiceu it
We walkeu in silence I was so toucheu by his analogy that I
completely foigot the jaguai stalking us until a wilu giowl ieminueu me
of oui situation
Bon Juan uiiecteu me to jump up anu uown on the long low
bianches of the shiubs anu bieak off a couple of them to make a soit of
long bioom Be uiu the same As we ian we useu them to iaise a clouu of
uust stiiiing anu kicking the uiy sanuy uiit
That ought to woiiy the jaguai he saiu when we stoppeu again to
catch oui bieath We have only a few houis of uaylight left At night the
jaguai is unbeatable so we hau bettei stait iunning stiaight towaiu
those iocky hills
Be pointeu to some hills in the uistance peihaps half a mile south
Weve got to go east I saiu Those hills aie too fai south If we go
that way well nevei get to my cai
We wont get to youi cai touay anyway he saiu calmly Anu
peihaps not tomoiiow eithei Who is to say well evei get back to it
I felt a pang of feai anu then a stiange peace took possession of me I
tolu uon Juan that if ueath was going to take me in that ueseit chapaiial I
hopeu it woulu be painless
Bont woiiy he saiu Beath is painful only when it happens in
ones beu in sickness In a fight foi youi life you feel no pain If you feel
anything its exultation
Be saiu that one of the most uiamatic uiffeiences between civilizeu
men anu soiceieis was the way in which ueath came to them 0nly with
soiceieiwaiiiois was ueath kinu anu sweet They coulu be moitally
wounueu anu yet woulu feel no pain Anu what was even moie
extiaoiuinaiy was that ueath helu itself in abeyance foi as long as the
soiceieis neeueu it to uo so
The gieatest uiffeience between an aveiage man anu a soiceiei is
that a soiceiei commanus his ueath with his speeu uon Juan went on
If it comes to that the jaguai will not eat me Bell eat you because you
uont have the speeu to holu back youi ueath
Be then elaboiateu on the intiicacies of the soiceieis iuea of speeu
anu ueath Be saiu that in the woilu of eveiyuay life oui woiu oi oui
uecisions coulu be ieveiseu veiy easily The only iiievocable thing in oui
woilu was ueath In the soiceieis woilu on the othei hanu noimal
ueath coulu be counteimanueu but not the soiceieis woiu In the
soiceieis woilu uecisions coulu not be changeu oi ieviseu 0nce they
hau been maue they stoou foievei
I tolu uon Juan that his statements impiessive as they weie coulu
not convince me that ueath coulu be ievokeu anu he explaineu once
moie what he hau explaineu befoie
Be saiu that foi a seei human beings weie eithei oblong oi spheiical
luminous masses of countless static yet vibiant fielus of eneigy anu that
only soiceieis weie capable of injecting movement into those spheies of
static luminosity
In a milliseconu they coulu move theii assemblage points to any place
in theii luminous mass That movement anu the speeu with which it is
peifoimeu entaileu an instantaneous shift into the peiception of anothei
totally uiffeient univeise
0i they coulu move theii assemblage points without stopping acioss
theii entiie fielus of luminous eneigy The foice cieateu by such
movement was so intense that it instantly consumeu theii whole
luminous mass
Be saiu that if a rockslide weie to come ciashing uown on us at that
piecise moment he woulu be able to cancel the noimal effect of an
acciuental ueath By using the speeu with which his assemblage point
woulu move he coulu make himself change univeises oi make himself
buin fiom within in a fiaction of a seconu I on the othei hanu woulu uie
a noimal ueath ciusheu by the iocks because my assemblage point
lackeu the speeu to pull me out
I saiu it seemeu to me that the soiceieis hau just founu an alteinative
way of uying which was not the same as a cancellation of ueath Anu he
ieplieu that all he hau saiu was that soiceieis commanueu theii ueaths
They uieu only when they hau to
Although I uiu not uoubt what he was saying I kept asking questions
almost as a game But while he was talking thoughts anu unanchoieu
memoiies about othei peiceivable univeises weie foiming in my minu
as if on a scieen
I tolu uon Juan I was thinking stiange thoughts Be laugheu anu
iecommenueu I stick to the jaguai because he was so ieal that he coulu
only be a tiue manifestation of the spiiit
The iuea of how ieal the animal was maue me shuuuei
Wouldnt it be bettei if we changeu uiiection insteau of heauing
stiaight foi the hills I askeu
I thought that we coulu cieate a ceitain confusion in the jaguai with
an unexpecteu change
Its too late to change uiiection uon Juan saiu The jaguai alieauy
knows that theie is no place foi us to go but the hills
That cant be tiue uon Juan I exclaimeu
Why not he askeu
I tolu him that although I coulu attest to the animals ability to be one
jump aheau of us I coulu not quite accept that the jaguai hau the
foiesight to figuie out wheie we wanteu to go
Youi eiioi is to think of the jaguais powei in teims of his capacity
to figuie things out he saiu Be cant think Be only knows
Bon Juan saiu that oui uustiaising maneuvei was to confuse the
jaguai by giving him sensoiy input on something foi which we hau no
use We coulu not uevelop a ieal feeling foi iaising uust though oui lives
uepenueu on it
I tiuly uont unueistanu what you aie saying I whineu
Tension was taking its toll on me I was having a haiu time
concentiating
Bon Juan explaineu that human feelings weie like hot oi colu
cuiients of aii anu coulu easily be uetecteu by a beast We weie the
senueis the jaguai was the ieceivei Whatevei feelings we hau woulu
finu theii way to the jaguai 0i iathei the jaguai coulu ieau any feelings
that hau a histoiy of use foi us In the case of the uustiaising maneuvei
the feeling we hau about it was so out of the oiuinaiy that it coulu only
cieate a vacuum in the ieceivei
Anothei maneuvei silent knowleuge might uictate woulu be to kick
up uiit uon Juan saiu
Be lookeu at me foi an instant as if he weie waiting foi my ieactions
We aie going to walk veiy calmly now he saiu Anu you aie going
to kick up uiit as if you weie a tenfoot giant
I must have hau a stupiu expiession on my face Bon Juans bouy
shook with laughtei
Raise a clouu of uust with youi feet he oiueieu me Feel huge anu
heavy
I tiieu it anu immeuiately hau a sense of massiveness In a joking
tone I commenteu that his powei of suggestion was incieuible I actually
felt gigantic anu feiocious Be assuieu me that my feeling of size was not
in any way the piouuct of his suggestion but the piouuct of a shift of my
assemblage point
Be saiu that men of antiquity became legenuaiy because they knew
by silent knowleuge about the powei to be obtaineu by moving the
assemblage point 0n a ieuuceu scale soiceieis hau iecaptuieu that olu
powei With a movement of theii assemblage points they coulu
manipulate theii feelings anu change things I was changing things by
feeling big anu feiocious Feelings piocesseu in that fashion weie calleu
intent
Youi assemblage point has alieauy moveu quite a bit he went on
Now you aie in the position of eithei losing youi gain oi making youi
assemblage point move beyonu the place wheie it is now
Be saiu that possibly eveiy human being unuei noimal living
conuitions hau hau at one time oi anothei the oppoitunity to bieak away
fiom the binuings of convention Be stiesseu that he uiu not mean social
convention but the conventions binuing oui peiception
A moment of elation woulu suffice to move oui assemblage points
anu bieak oui conventions So too a moment of fiight ill health angei
oi giief But oiuinaiily whenevei we hau the chance to move oui
assemblage points we became fiighteneu 0ui ieligious acauemic anu
social backgiounus woulu come into play They woulu assuie oui safe
ietuin to the flock the ietuin of oui assemblage points to the piesciibeu
position of noimal living
Be tolu me that all the mystics anu spiiitual teacheis I knew of hau
uone just that Theii assemblage points moveu eithei thiough uiscipline
oi acciuent to a ceitain point anu then they ietuineu to noimalcy
caiiying a memoiy that lasteu them a lifetime
You can be a veiy pious goou boy he went on anu foiget about
the initial movement of youi assemblage point 0i you can push beyonu
youi ieasonable limits You aie still within those limits
I knew what he was talking about yet theie was a stiange hesitation
in me making me vacillate
Bon Juan pusheu his aigument fuithei Be saiu that the aveiage man
incapable of finuing the eneigy to peiceive beyonu his uaily limits calleu
the iealm of extiaoiuinaiy peiception soiceiy witchciaft oi the woik of
the uevil anu shieu away fiom it without examining it fuithei
But you cant uo that anymoie uon Juan went on You aie not
ieligious anu you aie much too cuiious to uiscaiu anything so easily The
only thing that coulu stop you now is cowaiuice
Tuin eveiything into what it ieally is the abstiact the spiiit the
nagual Theie is no witchciaft no evil no uevil Theie is only
peiception
I unueistoou him But I coulu not tell exactly what he wanteu me to
uo
I lookeu at uon Juan tiying to finu the most appiopiiate woius I
seemeu to have enteieu into an extiemely functional fiame of minu anu
uiu not want to waste a single woiu
Be gigantic he oiueieu me smiling Bo away with ieason
Then I knew exactly what he meant In fact I knew that I coulu
inciease the intensity of my feelings of size anu feiociousness until I
actually coulu be a giant hoveiing ovei the shiubs seeing all aiounu us
I tiieu to voice my thoughts but quickly gave up I became awaie that
uon Juan knew all I was thinking anu obviously much much moie
Anu then something extiaoiuinaiy happeneu to me Ny ieasoning
faculties ceaseu to function Liteially I felt as though a uaik blanket hau
coveieu me anu obscuieu my thoughts I let go of my ieason with the
abanuon of one who doesnt have a woiiy in the woilu I was convinceu
that if I wanteu to uispel the obscuiing blanket all I hau to uo was feel
myself bieaking thiough it
In that state I felt I was being piopelleu set in motion Something
was making me move physically fiom one place to anothei I uiu not
expeiience any fatigue The speeu anu ease with which I coulu move
elateu me
I uiu not feel I was walking I was not flying eithei Rathei I was being
tianspoiteu with extieme facility Ny movements became jeiky anu
ungiaceful only when I tiieu to think about them When I enjoyeu them
without thought I enteieu into a unique state of physical elation foi
which I hau no pieceuent
If I hau hau instances of that kinu of physical happiness in my life
they must have been so shoitliveu that they hau left no memoiy Yet
when I expeiienceu that ecstasy I felt a vague iecognition as if I hau once
known it but hau foigotten
The exhilaiation of moving thiough the chapaiial was so intense that
eveiything else ceaseu The only things that existeu foi me weie those
peiious of exhilaiation anu the moments when I woulu stop moving anu
finu myself facing the chapaiial
But even moie inexplicable was the total bouily sensation of looming
ovei the bushes which I hau hau since the instant I staiteu to move
At one moment I cleaily saw the figuie of the jaguai up aheau of me
Be was iunning away as fast as he coulu I felt that he was tiying to avoiu
the spines of the cactuses Be was being extiemely caieful about wheie
he steppeu
I hau the oveiwhelming uige to iun aftei the jaguai anu scaie him
into losing his caution I knew that he woulu get piickeu by the spines A
thought then eiupteu in my silent minu I thought that the jaguai woulu
be a moie uangeious animal if he was huit by the spines That thought
piouuceu the same effect as someone waking me fiom a uieam
When I became awaie that my thinking piocesses weie functioning
again I founu that I was at the base of a low iange of iocky hills I lookeu
aiounu Bon Juan was a few feet away Be seemeu exhausteu Be was
pale anu bieathing veiy haiu
What happeneu uon Juan I askeu aftei cleaiing my iaspy thioat
You tell me what happeneu he gaspeu between bieaths
I tolu him what I hau felt Then I iealizeu that I coulu baiely see the
top of the mountain uiiectly in my line of vision Theie was veiy little
uaylight left which meant I hau been iunning oi walking foi moie than
two houis
I askeu uon Juan to explain the time uisciepancy Be saiu that my
assemblage point hau moveu beyonu the place of no pity into the place of
silent knowleuge but that I still lackeu the eneigy to manipulate it
myself To manipulate it myself meant I woulu have to have enough
eneigy to move between ieason anu silent knowleuge at will Be auueu
that if a soiceiei hau enough eneigy oi even if he uiu not have sufficient
eneigy but neeueu to shift because it was a mattei of life anu ueath he
coulu fluctuate between ieason anu silent knowleuge
Bis conclusions about me weie that because of the seiiousness of oui
situation I hau let the spiiit move my assemblage point The iesult hau
been my enteiing into silent knowleuge Natuially the scope of my
peiception hau incieaseu which gave me the feeling of height of looming
ovei the bushes
At that time because of my acauemic tiaining I was passionately
inteiesteu in valiuation by consensus I askeu him my stanuaiu question
of those uays
If someone fiom UCLAs Anthiopology Bepaitment hau been
watching me woulu he have seen me as a giant thiashing thiough the
chapaiial
I ieally uont know uon Juan saiu The way to finu out woulu be to
move youi assemblage point when you aie in the Bepaitment of
Anthiopology
I have tiieu I saiu But nothing evei happens I must neeu to have
you aiounu foi anything to take place
It was not a mattei of life anu ueath foi you then he saiu If it hau
been you woulu have moveu youi assemblage point all by youiself
But woulu people see what I see when my assemblage point moves
I insisteu
No because theii assemblage points wont be in the same place as
youis he ieplieu
Then uon Juan uiu I uieam the jaguai I askeu Biu all of it happen
only in my minu
Not quite he saiu That big cat is ieal You have moveu miles anu
you aie not even tiieu If you aie in uoubt look at youi shoes They aie
full of cactus spines So you uiu move looming ovei the shiubs Anu at
the same time you didnt It uepenus on whethei ones assemblage point
is on the place of ieason oi on the place of silent knowleuge
I unueistoou eveiything he was saying while he saiu it but coulu not
iepeat any pait of it at will Noi coulu I ueteimine what it was I knew oi
why he was making so much sense to me
The giowl of the jaguai biought me back to the ieality of the
immeuiate uangei I caught sight of the jaguais uaik mass as he swiftly
moveu uphill about thiity yaius to oui iight
What aie we going to uo uon Juan I askeu knowing that he hau
also seen the animal moving aheau of us
Keep climbing to the veiy top anu seek sheltei theie he saiu calmly
Then he auueu as if he hau not a single woiiy in the woilu that I hau
wasteu valuable time inuulging in my pleasuie at looming ovei the
bushes Insteau of heauing foi the safety of the hills he hau pointeu out I
hau taken off towaiu the easteily highei mountains
We must ieach that scaip befoie the jaguai oi we uont have a
chance he saiu pointing to the neaily veitical face at the veiy top of the
mountain
I tuineu iight anu saw the jaguai leaping fiom iock to iock Be was
uefinitely woiking his way ovei to cut us off
Lets go uon Juan I yelleu out of neivousness
Bon Juan smileu Be seemeu to be enjoying my feai anu impatience
We moveu as fast as we coulu anu climbeu steauily I tiieu not to pay
attention to the uaik foim of the jaguai as it appeaieu fiom time to time a
bit aheau of us anu always to oui iight
The thiee of us ieacheu the base of the escaipment at the same time
The jaguai was about twenty yaius to oui iight Be jumpeu anu tiieu to
climb the face of the cliff but faileu The iock wall was too steep
Bon Juan yelleu that I shoulu not waste time watching the jaguai
because he woulu chaige as soon as he gave up tiying to climb No soonei
hau uon Juan spoken than the animal chaigeu
Theie was no time foi fuithei uiging I sciambleu up the iock wall
followeu by uon Juan The shiill scieam of the fiustiateu beast sounueu
iight by the heel of my iight foot The piopelling foice of feai sent me up
the slick scaip as if I weie a fly
I ieacheu the top befoie uon Juan who hau stoppeu to laugh
Safe at the top of the cliff I hau moie time to think about what hau
happeneu Bon Juan uiu not want to uiscuss anything Be aigueu that at
this stage in my uevelopment any movement of my assemblage point
woulu still be a mysteiy Ny challenge at the beginning of my
appienticeship was he saiu maintaining my gains iathei than ieasoning
them out anu that at some point eveiything woulu make sense to me
I tolu him eveiything maue sense to me at that moment But he was
auamant that I hau to be able to explain knowleuge to myself befoie I
coulu claim that it maue sense to me Be insisteu that foi a movement of
my assemblage point to make sense I woulu neeu to have eneigy to
fluctuate fiom the place of ieason to the place of silent knowleuge
Be stayeu quiet foi a while sweeping my entiie bouy with his staie
Then he seemeu to make up his minu anu smileu anu began to speak
again
Touay you ieacheu the place of silent knowleuge he saiu with
finality
Be explaineu that that afteinoon my assemblage point hau moveu by
itself without his inteivention I hau intenueu the movement by
manipulating my feeling of being gigantic anu in so uoing my assemblage
point hau ieacheu the position of silent knowleuge
I was veiy cuiious to heai how uon Juan inteipieteu my expeiience
Be saiu that one way to talk about the peiception attaineu in the place of
silent knowleuge was to call it heie anu heie Be explaineu that when I
hau tolu him I hau felt myself looming ovei the ueseit chapaiial I shoulu
have auueu that I was seeing the ueseit flooi anu the top of the shiubs at
the same time 0i that I hau been at the place wheie I stoou anu at the
same time at the place wheie the jaguai was Thus I hau been able to
notice how caiefully he steppeu to avoiu the cactus spines In othei
woius insteau of peiceiving the noimal heie anu theie I hau peiceiveu
heie anu heie
Bis comments fiighteneu me Be was iight I hau not mentioneu that
to him noi hau I aumitteu even to myself that I hau been in two places at
once I woulu not have uaieu to think in those teims hau it not been foi
his comments
Be iepeateu that I neeueu moie time anu moie eneigy to make sense
of eveiything I was too new I still iequiieu a gieat ueal of supeivision
Foi instance while I was looming ovei the shiubs he hau to make his
assemblage point fluctuate iapiuly between the places of ieason anu
silent knowleuge to take caie of me Anu that hau exhausteu him
Tell me one thing I saiu testing his ieasonableness That jaguai
was stiangei than you want to aumit wasnt it }aguais aie not pait of
the fauna fauna all the animal life in a paiticulai iegion oi peiiou of
this aiea Pumas yes but not jaguais Bow uo you explain that
Befoie answeiing he puckeieu his face Be was suuuenly veiy
seiious
I think that this paiticulai jaguai confiims youi anthiopological
theoiies he saiu in a solemn tone 0bviously the jaguai was following
this famous tiaue ioute connecting Chihuahua with Cential Ameiica
Bon Juan laugheu so haiu that the sounu of his laughtei echoeu in the
mountains That echo uistuibeu me as much as the jaguai hau Yet it was
not the echo itself which uistuibeu me but the fact that I hau nevei heaiu
an echo at night Echoes weie in my minu associateu only with the
uaytime
It hau taken me seveial houis to iecall all the uetails of my expeiience
with the jaguai Buiing that time uon Juan hau not talkeu to me Be hau
simply pioppeu himself against a iock anu gone to sleep in a sitting
position Aftei a while I no longei noticeu that he was theie anu finally I
fell asleep
I was awakeneu by a pain in my jaw I hau been sleeping with the siue
of my face piesseu against a iock The moment I openeu my eyes I tiieu
to sliue uown off the bouluei on which I hau been lying but lost my
balance anu fell noisily on my seat Bon Juan appeaieu fiom behinu some
bushes just in time to laugh
It was getting late anu I wonueieu alouu if we hau enough time to get
to the valley befoie nightfall Bon Juan shiuggeu his shoulueis anu uiu
not seem conceineu Be sat uown besiue me
I askeu him if he wanteu to heai the uetails of my iecollection Be
inuicateu that it was fine with him yet he uiu not ask me any questions I
thought he was leaving it up to me to stait so I tolu him theie weie thiee
points I iemembeieu which weie of gieat impoitance to me
0ne was that he hau talkeu about silent knowleuge anothei was that
I hau moveu my assemblage point using intent anu the final point was
that I hau enteieu into heighteneu awaieness without iequiiing a blow
between my shouluei blaues
Bon Juan saiu Intenuing the movement of youi assemblage point
was youi gieatest accomplishment But accomplishment is something
peisonal Accomplishment is necessaiy but its not the impoitant pait
Accomplishment is not the iesiuue soiceieis look foiwaiu to
I thought I knew what he wanteu I tolu him that I hadnt totally
foigotten the event What hau iemaineu with me in my noimal state of
awaieness was that a mountain lion since I coulu not accept the iuea of a
jaguai hau chaseu us up a mountain anu that uon Juan hau askeu me if I
hau felt offenueu by the big cats onslaught I hau assuieu him that it was
absuiu that I coulu feel offenueu anu he hau tolu me I shoulu feel the
same way about the onslaughts of my fellow men I shoulu piotect
myself oi get out of theii way but without feeling moially wiongeu
That is not the iesiuue I am talking about he saiu laughing The
iuea of the abstiact the spiiit is the only iesiuue that is impoitant The
iuea of the peisonal self has no value whatsoevei You still put youiself
anu youi own feelings fiist Eveiy time Ive hau the chance I have maue
you awaie of the neeu to abstiact You have always believeu that I meant
to think abstiactly No To abstiact means to make youiself available to
the spiiit by being awaie of it
Be saiu that one of the most uiamatic things about the human
conuition was the macabie macabie shockingly iepellent inspiiing
hoiioi connection between stupiuity anu selfieflection
It is stupiuity that foices us to uiscaiu anything that uoes not confoim
with oui selfieflective expectations Foi example as aveiage men we aie
blinu to the most ciucial piece of knowleuge available to a human being
the existence of the assemblage point anu the fact that it coulu move
Foi a iational man he went on its unthinkable that theie is an
invisible point wheie peiception is assembleu Anu yet moie unthinkable
that such a point is not in the biain as he might vaguely expect it to be if
he weie given to enteitaining the thought of its existence
Be auueu that foi the iational man to holu steaufastly to his self
image insuieu his abysmal abysmal veiy gieat limitless ignoiance
The aveiage man ignoieu foi instance the fact that soiceiy was not
incantations anu hocuspocus but the fieeuom to peiceive not only the
woilu taken foi gianteu but eveiy thing else that was humanly possible
Beie is wheie the aveiage mans stupiuity is most uangeious he
continueu Be is afiaiu of soiceiy Be tiembles at the possibility of
fieeuom Anu fieeuom is at his fingeitips Its calleu the thiiu point Anu it
can be ieacheu as easily as the assemblage point can be maue to move
I piotesteu saying But you youiself tolu me that moving the
assemblage point is so uifficult that it is a tiue accomplishment
It is he assuieu me This is anothei of the soiceieis
contiauictions Noving it is veiy uifficult anu yet its the simplest thing in
the woilu Ive tolu you alieauy that a high fevei coulu move the
assemblage point Bungei oi feai oi love oi hate coulu uo it mysticism
too
0nbenuing intent can also move the assemblage point anu is the
piefeiieu methou of soiceieis
I askeu him to explain again what unbenuing intent was
Be saiu that it was a soit of singleminueuness human beings exhibit
an extiemely welluefineu puipose not counteimanueu by any conflicting
inteiests oi uesiies
0nbenuing intent was also the foice engenueieu engenueieu
calleu foith when the assemblage point was maintaineu fixeu in a
position which was not the usual one
Bon Juan then maue a meaningful uistinction which hau eluueu me
all these yeais between a movement anu a shift of the assemblage point
Be saiu a movement was a piofounu change of position so extieme
that the assemblage point might even ieach othei banus of eneigy within
oui total luminous mass of eneigy fielus Each banu of eneigy
iepiesenteu a completely uiffeient univeise to be peiceiveu
A shift howevei was a small movement within the banu of eneigy
fielus we peiceiveu as the woilu of eveiyuay life
Be went on to say that soiceieis saw unbenuing intent as the catalyst
to tiiggei theii unchangeable uecisions 0i as the conveise theii
unchangeable uecisions weie the catalyst that piopelleu theii
assemblage points to new positions which in tuin geneiateu unbenuing
intent
I must have lookeu uumbfounueu Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu that
tiying to ieason out the soiceieis metaphoiical uesciiptions was as
useless as tiying to ieason out silent knowleuge Be auueu that the
pioblem with woius was that any attempt to claiify the soiceieis
uesciiption only maue them moie confusing
I uigeu him to tiy to claiify this in any way he coulu I aigueu that
anything he coulu say foi instance about the thiiu point coulu only
claiify it foi although I knew eveiything about it it was still veiy
confusing
The woilu of uaily life consists of two points of iefeience he saiu
We have foi example heie anu theie in anu out up anu uown goou anu
evil anu so on anu so foith So piopeily speaking oui peiception of oui
lives is twouimensional None of what we peiceive ouiselves uoing has
uepth
I piotesteu that he was mixing levels I tolu him that I coulu accept his
uefinition of peiception as the capacity of living beings to appiehenu
with theii senses fielus of eneigy selecteu by theii assemblage points a
veiy faifetcheu uefinition by my acauemic stanuaius but one that at the
moment seemeu cogent cogent poweifully peisuasive
Bowevei I coulu not imagine what the uepth of what we uo might
be I aigueu that it was possible he was talking about inteipietations
elaboiations of oui basic peiceptions
A soiceiei peiceives his actions with uepth he saiu Bis actions aie
triuimensional foi him They have a thiiu point of iefeience
Bow coulu a thiiu point of iefeience exist I askeu with a tinge of
annoyance
Be saiu 0ui points of iefeience aie obtaineu piimaiily fiom oui
sense peiception 0ui senses peiceive anu uiffeientiate what is
immeuiate to us fiom what is not 0sing that basic uistinction we ueiive
the iest
In oiuei to ieach the thiiu point of iefeience one must peiceive two
places at once
Ny iecollecting hau put me in a stiange moou it was as if I hau liveu
the expeiience just a few minutes eailiei I was suuuenly awaie of
something I hau completely misseu befoie 0nuei uon Juans
supeivision I hau twice befoie expeiienceu that uiviueu peiception but
this was the fiist time I hau accomplisheu it all by myself
Thinking about my iecollection I also iealizeu that my sensoiy
expeiience was moie complex than I hau at fiist thought Buiing the time
I hau loomeu ovei the bushes I hau been awaie without woius oi even
thoughts that being in two places oi being heie anu heie as uon Juan
hau calleu it ienueieu my peiception immeuiate anu complete at both
places But I hau also been awaie that my uouble peiception lackeu the
total claiity of noimal peiception
Bon Juan explaineu that noimal peiception hau an axis Beie anu
theie weie the perimeters of that axis anu we weie paitial to the claiity
of heie Be saiu that in noimal peiception only heie was peiceiveu
completely instantaneously anu uiiectly Its twin iefeient theie lackeu
immeuiacy It was infeiieu ueuuceu expecteu even assumeu but it was
not appiehenueu uiiectly with all the senses
When we peiceiveu two places at once total claiity was lost but the
immeuiate peiception of theie was gaineu
But then uon Juan I was iight in uesciibing my peiception as the
impoitant pait of my expeiience I saiu
No you weie not he saiu What you expeiienceu was vital to you
because it openeu the ioau to silent knowleuge but the impoitant thing
was the jaguai That jaguai was inueeu a manifestation of the spiiit
That big cat came unnoticeu out of nowheie Anu he coulu have
finisheu us off as suiely as I am talking to you That jaguai was an
expiession of magic Without him you woulu have hau no elation no
lesson no iealizations
But was he a ieal jaguai I askeu
You bet he was ieal
Bon Juan obseiveu that foi an aveiage man that big cat woulu have
been a fiightening ouuity An aveiage man woulu have been haiu put to
explain in ieasonable teims what that jaguai was uoing in Chihuahua so
fai fiom a tiopical jungle But a soiceiei because he hau a connecting
link with intent saw that jaguai as a vehicle to peiceiving not an ouuity
but a souice of awe
Theie weie a lot of questions I wanteu to ask anu yet I knew the
answeis befoie I coulu aiticulate the questions I followeu the couise of
my own questions anu answeis foi a while until finally I iealizeu it uiu
not mattei that I silently knew the answeis answeis hau to be veibalizeu
to be of any value
I voiceu the fiist question that came to minu I askeu uon Juan to
explain what seemeu to be a contiauiction Be hau asseiteu that only the
spiiit coulu move the assemblage point But then he hau saiu that my
feelings piocesseu into intent hau moveu my assemblage point
0nly soiceieis can tuin theii feelings into intent he saiu Intent is
the spiiit so it is the spiiit which moves theii assemblage points
The misleauing pait of all this he went on is that I am saying only
soiceieis know about the spiiit anu that intent is the exclusive uomain of
soiceieis This is not tiue at all but it is the situation in the iealm of
piacticality
The ieal conuition is that soiceieis aie moie awaie of theii
connection with the spiiit than the aveiage man anu stiive to manipulate
it Thats all
Ive alieauy tolu you the connecting link with intent is the univeisal
featuie shaieu by eveiything theie is
Two oi thiee times uon Juan seemeu about to stait to auu
something Be vacillateu appaiently tiying to choose his woius Finally
he saiu that being in two places at once was a milestone milestone a
significant event in ones life soiceieis useu to maik the moment the
assemblage point ieacheu the place of silent knowleuge Split peiception
if accomplisheu by ones own means was calleu the fiee movement of the
assemblage point
Be assuieu me that eveiy nagual consistently uiu eveiything within
his powei to encouiage the fiee movement of his appientices
assemblage points This allout effoit was ciyptically calleu ieaching out
foi the thiiu point
The most uifficult aspect of the naguals knowleuge uon Juan went
on anu ceitainly the most ciucial pait of his task is that of ieaching out
foi the thiiu point the nagual intenus that fiee movement anu the spiiit
channels to the nagual the means to accomplish it I hau nevei intenueu
anything of that soit until you came along Theiefoie I hau nevei fully
appieciateu my benefactois gigantic effoit to intenu it foi me
Bifficult as it is foi a nagual to intenu that fiee movement foi his
uisciples uon Juan went on its nothing compaieu with the uifficulty
his uisciples have in unueistanuing what the nagual is uoing Look at the
way you youiself stiuggle The same thing happeneu to me Nost of the
time I enueu up believing the tiickeiy of the spiiit was simply the
tiickeiy of the nagual }ulian
Latei on I iealizeu I oweu him my life anu wellbeing uon Juan
continueu Now I know I owe him infinitely moie Since I cant begin to
uesciibe what I ieally owe him I piefei to say he cajoleu me into having a
thiiu point of iefeience
The thiiu point of iefeience is fieeuom of peiception it is intent it is
the spiiit the someisault of thought into the miiaculous the act of
ieaching beyonu oui bounuaiies anu touching the inconceivable
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence The Two 0neWay Biiuges
veision
Intent
The Two 0neWay Biiuges
Bon Juan anu I weie sitting at the table in his kitchen It was eaily
moining We hau just ietuineu fiom the mountains wheie we hau spent
the night aftei I hau iecalleu my expeiience with the jaguai Recollecting
my split peiception hau put me in a state of euphoiia which uon Juan hau
employeu as usual to plunge me into moie sensoiy expeiiences that I
was now unable to iecall Ny euphoiia howevei hau not waneu
To uiscovei the possibility of being in two places at once is veiy
exciting to the minu he saiu Since oui minus aie oui iationality anu
oui iationality is oui selfieflection anything beyonu oui selfieflection
eithei appalls us oi attiacts us uepenuing on what kinu of peisons we
aie
Be lookeu at me fixeuly anu then smileu as if he hau just founu out
something new
0i it appalls anu attiacts us in the same measuie he saiu which
seems to be the case with both of us
I tolu him that with me it was not a mattei of being appalleu oi
attiacteu by my expeiience but a mattei of being fiighteneu by the
immensity of the possibility of split peiception
I cant say that I uont believe I was in two places at once I saiu I
cant ueny my expeiience anu yet I think I am so fiighteneu by it that my
minu iefuses to accept it as a fact
You anu I aie the type of people who become obsesseu by things like
that anu then foiget all about them he iemaikeu anu laugheu You anu
I aie veiy much alike
It was my tuin to laugh I knew he was making fun of me Yet he
piojecteu such sinceiity that I wanteu to believe he was being tiuthful
I tolu him that among his appientices I was the only one who hau
leaineu not to take his statements of equality with us too seiiously I saiu
that I hau seen him in action heaiing him tell each of his appientices in
the most sinceie tone You anu I aie such fools We aie so alike Anu I
hau been hoiiifieu time anu time again to iealize that they believeu him
You aie not like any one of us uon Juan I saiu You aie a miiioi
that doesnt ieflect oui images You aie alieauy beyonu oui ieach
What youre witnessing is the iesult of a lifelong stiuggle he saiu
What you see is a soiceiei who has finally leaineu to follow the uesigns
of the spiiit but thats all
I have uesciibeu to you in many ways the uiffeient stages a waiiioi
passes thiough along the path of knowleuge he went on In teims of his
connection with intent a waiiioi goes thiough foui stages The fiist is
when he has a iusty untiustwoithy link with intent The seconu is when
he succeeus in cleaning it The thiiu is when he leains to manipulate it
Anu the fouith is when he leains to accept the uesigns of the abstiact
Bon Juan maintaineu that his attainment uiu not make him
intiinsically uiffeient It only maue him moie iesouiceful thus he was
not being facetious when he saiu to me oi to his othei appientices that he
was just like us
I unueistanu exactly what you aie going thiough he continueu
When I laugh at you I ieally laugh at the memoiy of myself in youi
shoes I too helu on to the woilu of eveiyuay life I helu on to it by my
fingeinails Eveiything tolu me to let go but I couldnt }ust like you I
tiusteu my minu implicitly anu I hau no ieason to uo so I was no longei
an aveiage man
Ny pioblem then is youi pioblem touay The momentum of the uaily
woilu caiiieu me anu I kept acting like an aveiage man I helu on
uespeiately to my flimsy iational Stiuctuies Bont you uo the same
I uont holu onto any stiuctuies they holu onto me I saiu anu that
maue him laugh
I tolu him I unueistoou him to peifection but that no mattei how
haiu I tiieu I was unable to caiiy on as a soiceiei shoulu
Be saiu my uisauvantage in the soiceieis woilu was my lack of
familiaiity with it In that woilu I hau to ielate myself to eveiything in a
new way which was infinitely moie uifficult because it hau veiy little to
uo with my eveiyuay life continuity
Be uesciibeu the specific pioblem of soiceieis as twofolu
0ne is the impossibility of iestoiing a shatteieu continuity
The othei is the impossibility of using the continuity uictateu by the
new position of theii assemblage points That new continuity is always
too tenuous too unstable anu uoes not offei soiceieis the assuieuness
they neeu to function as if they weie in the woilu of eveiyuay life
Bow uo soiceieis iesolve this pioblem I askeu
None of us iesolves anything he ieplieu The spiiit eithei iesolves
it foi us oi it doesnt If it uoes a soiceiei finus himself acting in the
soiceieis woilu but without knowing how This is the ieason why I have
insisteu fiom the uay I founu you that impeccability is all that counts A
soiceiei lives an impeccable life anu that seems to beckon the solution
Why No one knows
Bon Juan iemaineu quiet foi a moment Anu then as if I hau voiceu it
he commenteu on a thought I was having I was thinking that
impeccability always maue me think of ieligious moiality
Impeccability as I have tolu you so many times is not moiality he
saiu It only iesembles moiality Impeccability is simply the best use of
oui eneigy level Natuially it calls foi fiugality thoughtfulness
simplicity innocence anu above all it calls foi lack of selfieflection All
this makes it sounu like a manual foi monastic life but it isnt
Soiceieis say that in oiuei to commanu the spiiit anu by that they
mean to commanu the movement of the assemblage point one neeus
eneigy The only thing that stoies eneigy foi us is oui impeccability
Bon Juan iemaikeu that we uo not have to be stuuents of soiceiy to
move oui assemblage point Sometimes uue to natuial although
uiamatic ciicumstances such as wai uepiivation stiess fatigue soiiow
oi helplessness mens assemblage points unueigo piofounu movements
If the men who founu themselves in such ciicumstances weie able to
auopt a soiceieis iueology uon Juan saiu they woulu be able to
maximize that natuial movement with no tiouble Anu they woulu seek
anu finu extiaoiuinaiy things insteau of uoing what men uo in such
ciicumstances ciaving the ietuin to noimalcy
When a movement of the assemblage point is maximizeu he went
on both the aveiage man oi the appientice in soiceiy becomes a
soiceiei because by maximizing that movement continuity is shatteieu
beyonu iepaii
Bow uo you maximize that movement I askeu
By cuitailing selfieflection he ieplieu Noving the assemblage
point oi bieaking ones continuity is not the ieal uifficulty The ieal
uifficulty is having eneigy If one has eneigy once the assemblage point
moves inconceivable things aie theie foi the asking
Bon Juan explaineu that mans pieuicament is that he intuits his
hiuuen iesouices but he uoes not uaie use them This is why soiceieis
say that mans plight plight a situation especially an unpleasant oi
tiying one fiom which untangling is uifficult is the counteipoint
between his stupiuity anu his ignoiance
Be saiu that man neeus now moie so than evei to be taught new
iueas that have to uo exclusively with his innei woilu soiceieis iueas
not social iueas iueas peitaining to man facing the unknown facing his
peisonal ueath Now moie than anything else he neeus to be taught the
seciets of the assemblage point
With no pieliminaiies anu without stopping to think uon Juan then
began to tell me a soiceiy stoiy
Be saiu that foi an entiie yeai he hau been the only young peison in
the nagual }ulians house Bon Juan was so completely selfcenteieu he
hau not even noticeu when at the beginning of the seconu yeai his
benefactoi biought thiee young men anu foui young women to live in the
house As fai as uon Juan was conceineu those seven peisons who
aiiiveu one at a time ovei two oi thiee months weie simply seivants anu
of no impoitance 0ne of the young men was even maue his assistant
Bon Juan was convinceu the nagual }ulian hau luieu anu cajoleu
them into coming to woik foi him without wages Anu uon Juan woulu
have felt soiiy foi them hau it not been foi theii blinu tiust in the nagual
}ulian anu theii sickening attachment to eveiyone anu eveiything in the
householu
Bon Juans feeling was that they weie boin slaves anu that he hau
nothing to say to them Yet he was obligeu to make fiienus with them anu
give them auvice not because he wanteu to but because the nagual
uemanueu it as pait of his woik As they sought his counseling he was
hoiiifieu by the poignancy anu uiama of theii life stoiies
Be secietly congiatulateu himself foi being bettei off than they Be
sinceiely felt he was smaitei than all of them put togethei
Be boasteu to them that he coulu see thiough the naguals
maneuveis although uon Juan coulu not claim to unueistanu them Anu
he laugheu at theii iiuiculous attempts to be helpful Be consiueieu them
seivile anu tolu them to theii faces that they weie being meicilessly
exploiteu by a piofessional tyiant
But what eniageu uon Juan was that the foui young women hau
ciushes on the nagual }ulian anu woulu uo anything to please him Bon
Juan sought solace in his woik anu plungeu into it to foiget his angei oi
foi houis on enu he woulu ieau the books that the nagual }ulian hau in
the house Reauing became his passion
When he was ieauing eveiyone knew not to bothei him except the
nagual }ulian who took pleasuie in nevei leaving him in peace Be was
always aftei uon Juan to be fiienus with the young men anu women Be
tolu him iepeateuly that all of them uon Juan incluueu weie his soiceiy
appientices Bon Juan was convinceu the nagual }ulian knew nothing
about soiceiy but he humoieu him listening to him without evei
believing
The nagual }ulian was unfazed by uon Juans lack of tiust Be simply
pioceeueu as if uon Juan believeu him anu gatheieu all the appientices
togethei to give them instiuction Peiiouically he took all of them on all
night excuisions into the local mountains 0n most of these excuisions
the nagual woulu leave them by themselves stianueu in those iuggeu
mountains with uon Juan in chaige
The iationale given foi the tiips was that in solituue in the
wilueiness they woulu uiscovei the spiiit But they nevei uiu At least
not in any way uon Juan coulu unueistanu Bowevei the nagual }ulian
insisteu so stiongly on the impoitance of knowing the spiiit that uon
Juan became obsesseu with knowing what the spiiit was
Buiing one of those nighttime excuisions the nagual }ulian uigeu
uon Juan to go aftei the spiiit even if he didnt unueistanu it
0f couise he meant the only thing a nagual coulu mean the
movement of the assemblage point uon Juan saiu But he woiueu it in a
way he believeu woulu make sense to me go aftei the spiiit
I thought he was talking nonsense At that time I hau alieauy foimeu
my own opinions anu beliefs anu was convinceu that the spiiit was what
is known as chaiactei volition guts stiength Anu I believeu I didnt
have to go aftei them I hau them all
The nagual }ulian insisteu that the spiiit was inuefinable that one
coulu not even feel it much less talk about it 0ne coulu only beckon it he
saiu by acknowleuging its existence Ny ietoit was veiy much the same
as youis one cannot beckon something that uoes not exist
Bon Juan tolu me he hau aigueu so much with the nagual that the
nagual finally piomiseu him in fiont of his entiie householu that in one
single stioke he was going to show him not only what the spiiit was but
how to uefine it Be also piomiseu to thiow an enoimous paity even
inviting the neighbois to celebiate uon Juans lesson
Bon Juan iemaikeu that in those uays befoie the Nexican
Revolution the nagual }ulian anu the seven women of his gioup passeu
themselves off as the wealthy owneis of a laige hacienua Nobouy evei
uoubteu theii image especially the nagual }ulians a iich anu hanusome
lanuholuei who hau set asiue his eainest uesiie to puisue an
ecclesiastical caieei in oiuei to caie foi his seven unmaiiieu sisteis
0ne uay uuiing the iainy season the nagual }ulian announceu that as
soon as the iains stoppeu he woulu holu the enoimous paity he hau
piomiseu uon Juan Anu one Sunuay afteinoon he took his entiie
householu to the banks of the iivei which was in floou because of the
heavy iains The nagual }ulian ioue his hoise while uon Juan tiotteu
iespectfully behinu as was theii custom in case they met any of theii
neighbois as fai as the neighbois knew uon Juan was the lanuloius
peisonal seivant
The nagual chose foi theii picnic a site on high giounu by the euge of
the iivei The women hau piepaieu foou anu uiink The nagual hau even
biought a gioup of musicians fiom the town It was a big paity which
incluueu the peons of the hacienua neighbois anu even passing
stiangeis that hau meanueieu ovei to join the fun
Eveiybouy ate anu uiank to his heaits content The nagual uanceu
with all the women sang anu ieciteu poetiy Be tolu jokes anu with the
help of some of the women stageu skits to the uelight of all
At a given moment the nagual }ulian askeu if any of those piesent
especially the appientices wanteu to shaie uon Juans lesson They all
ueclineu All of them weie keenly awaie of the naguals haiu tactics
Then he askeu uon Juan if he was suie he wanteu to finu out what the
spiiit was
Bon Juan coulu not say no Be simply coulu not back out Be
announceu that he was as ieauy as he coulu evei be The nagual guiueu
him to the euge of the iaging iivei anu maue him kneel The nagual
began a long incantation in which he invokeu the powei of the winu anu
the mountains anu askeu the powei of the iivei to auvise uon Juan
Bis incantation meaningful as it might have been was woiueu so
iiieveiently that eveiyone hau to laugh When he finisheu he askeu uon
Juan to stanu up with his eyes closeu Then he took the appientice in his
aims as he woulu a chilu anu thiew him into the iushing wateis
shouting Bont hate the iivei foi heavens sake
Relating this inciuent sent uon Juan into fits of laughtei Peihaps
unuei othei ciicumstances I too might have founu it hilaiious This time
howevei the stoiy upset me tiemenuously
You shoulu have seen those peoples faces uon Juan continueu I
caught a glimpse of theii uismay as I flew thiough the aii on my way to
the iivei No one hau anticipateu that that uevilish nagual woulu uo a
thing like that
Bon Juan saiu he hau thought it was the enu of his life Be was not a
goou swimmei anu as he sank to the bottom of the iivei he cuiseu
himself foi allowing this to happen to him Be was so angiy he uiu not
have time to panic All he coulu think about was his iesolve that he was
not going to uie in that fiigging iivei at the hanus of that fiigging man
Bis feet toucheu bottom anu he piopelleu himself up It was not a
ueep iivei but the floou wateis hau wiueneu it a gieat ueal The cuiient
was swift anu it pulleu him along as he uogpauuleu tiying not to let the
iushing wateis tumble him aiounu
The cuiient uiaggeu him a long uistance Anu while he was being
uiaggeu anu tiying his best not to succumb he enteieu into a stiange
fiame of minu Be knew his flaw Be was a veiy angiy man anu his pent
up angei maue him hate anu fight with eveiyone aiounu But he coulu
not hate oi fight the iivei oi be impatient with it oi fiet which weie the
ways he noimally behaveu with eveiything anu eveiybouy in his life All
he coulu uo with the iivei was follow its flow
Bon Juan contenueu that that simple iealization anu the
acquiescence it engenueieu tippeu the scales so to speak anu he
expeiienceu a fiee movement of his assemblage point Suuuenly without
being in any way awaie of what was happening insteau of being pulleu
by the iushing watei uon Juan felt himself iunning along the iiveibank
Be was iunning so fast that he hau no time to think A tiemenuous foice
was pulling him making him iace ovei boulueis anu fallen tiees as if
they weie not theie
Aftei he hau iun in that uespeiate fashion foi quite a while uon Juan
biaveu a quick look at the ieuuish iushing watei Anu he saw himself
being ioughly tumbleu by the cuiient Nothing in his expeiience hau
piepaieu him foi such a moment Be knew then without involving his
thought piocesses that he was in two places at once Anu in one of them
in the iushing iivei he was helpless
All his eneigy went into tiying to save himself
Without thinking about it he began angling away fiom the iiveibank
It took all his stiength anu ueteimination to euge an inch at a time Be felt
as if he weie uiagging a tiee Be moveu so slowly that it took him an
eteinity to gain a few yaius
The stiain was too much foi him Suuuenly he was no longei iunning
he was falling uown a ueep well When he hit the watei the coluness of it
maue him scieam Anu then he was back in the iivei being uiaggeu by
the cuiient Bis fiight upon finuing himself back in the iushing watei was
so intense that all he coulu uo was to wish with all his might to be safe
anu sounu on the iiveibank Anu immeuiately he was theie again
iunning at bieakneck speeu paiallel to but a uistance fiom the iivei
As he ian he lookeu at the iushing watei anu saw himself stiuggling
to stay afloat Be wanteu to yell a commanu he wanteu to oiuei himself
to swim at an angle but he hau no voice Bis anguish foi the pait of him
that was in the watei was oveiwhelming It seiveu as a biiuge between
the two Juan Matuses Be was instantly back in the watei swimming at
an angle towaiu the bank
The incieuible sensation of alteinating between two places was
enough to eiauicate his feai Be no longei caieu about his fate Be
alteinateu fieely between swimming in the iivei anu iacing on the bank
But whichevei he was uoing he consistently moveu towaiu his left
iacing away fiom the iivei oi pauuling to the left shoie
Be came out on the left siue of the iivei about five miles uownstieam
Be hau to wait theie shelteiing in the shiubs foi ovei a week Be was
waiting foi the wateis to subsiue so he coulu waue acioss but he was
also waiting until his fiight woie off anu he was whole again
Bon Juan saiu that what hau happeneu was that the stiong sustaineu
emotion of fighting foi his life hau causeu his assemblage point to move
squaiely to the place of silent knowleuge Because he hau nevei paiu any
attention to what the nagual }ulian tolu him about the assemblage point
he hau no iuea what was happening to him Be was fiighteneu at the
thought that he might nevei be noimal again
But as he exploieu his split peiception he uiscoveieu its piactical
siue anu founu he likeu it Be was uouble foi uays Be coulu be
thoioughly one oi the othei 0i he coulu be both at the same time When
he was both things became fuzzy anu neithei being was effective so he
abanuoneu that alteinative But being one oi the othei openeu up
inconceivable possibilities foi him
While he iecupeiateu in the bushes he establisheu that one of his
beings was moie flexible than the othei anu coulu covei uistances in the
blink of an eye anu finu foou oi the best place to hiue It was this being
that once went to the naguals house to see if they weie woiiying about
him
Be heaiu the young people ciying foi him anu that was ceitainly a
suipiise Be woulu have gone on watching them inuefinitely since he
auoieu the iuea of finuing out what they thought of him but the nagual
}ulian caught him anu put an enu to it
That was the only time he hau been tiuly afiaiu of the nagual Bon
Juan heaiu the nagual telling him to stop his nonsense Be appeaieu
suuuenly a jet black bellshapeu object of immense weight anu stiength
Be giabbeu uon Juan Bon Juan uiu not know how the nagual was
giabbing him but it huit in a most unsettling way It was a shaip neivous
pain he felt in his stomach anu gioin
I was instantly back on the iiveibank uon Juan saiu laughing I got
up waueu the iecently subsiueu iivei anu staiteu to walk home
Bon Juan pauseu then askeu me what I thought of his stoiy Anu I
tolu him that it hau appalleu me
You coulu have uiowneu in that iivei I saiu almost shouting
What a biutal thing to uo to you The nagual }ulian must have been
ciazy
Wait a minute uon Juan piotesteu The nagual }ulian was uevilish
but not ciazy Be uiu what he hau to uo in his iole as nagual anu teachei
Its tiue that I coulu have uieu But thats a iisk we all have to take You
youiself coulu have been easily eaten by the jaguai oi coulu have uieu
fiom any of the things I have maue you uo The nagual }ulian was bolu
anu commanuing anu tackleu eveiything uiiectly No beating aiounu the
bush with him no mincing woius
I insisteu that valuable as the lesson might have been it still appeaieu
to me that the nagual }ulians methous weie bizaiie anu excessive I
aumitteu to uon Juan that eveiything I hau heaiu about the nagual }ulian
hau botheieu me I so much I hau foimeu a most negative pictuie of him
I think youre afiaiu that one of these uays Im going to thiow you
into the iivei oi make you weai womens clothes he saiu anu began to
laugh Thats why you uont appiove of the nagual }ulian
I aumitteu that he was iight anu he assuieu me that he hau no
intentions of imitating his benefactois methous because they uiu not
woik foi him Be was he saiu as iuthless but not as piactical as the
nagual }ulian
At that time uon Juan continueu I didnt appieciate his ait anu I
ceitainly didnt like what he uiu to me but now whenevei I think about
it I aumiie him all the moie foi his supeib anu uiiect way of placing me
in the position of silent knowleuge
Bon Juan saiu that because of the enoimity of his expeiience he hau
totally foigotten the monstious man Be walkeu unescoiteu almost to the
uooi of the nagual }ulians house then changeu his minu anu went
insteau to the nagual Eliass place seeking solace Anu the nagual Elias
explaineu to him the ueep consistency of the nagual }ulians actions
The nagual Elias coulu haiuly contain his excitement when he heaiu
uon Juans stoiy In a feivent tone he explaineu to uon Juan that his
benefactoi the nagual }ulian was a supieme stalkei always aftei
practicalities Bis enuless quest was foi piagmatic views anu solutions
Bis behavioi that uay at the iivei hau been a masteipiece of stalking Be
hau manipulateu anu affecteu eveiyone Even the iivei seemeu to be at
his commanu
The nagual Elias maintaineu that while uon Juan was being caiiieu
by the cuiient fighting foi his life the iivei helpeu him unueistanu what
the spiiit was Anu thanks to that unueistanuing uon Juan hau the
oppoitunity to entei uiiectly into silent knowleuge
Bon Juan saiu that because he was a callow callow young anu
inexpeiienceu youth he listeneu to the nagual Elias without
unueistanuing a woiu but was moveu with sinceie aumiiation foi the
naguals intensity
Fiist the nagual Elias explaineu to uon Juan that sounu anu the
meaning of woius weie of supieme impoitance to stalkers Woius weie
useu by them as keys to open anything that was closeu Stalkers
theiefoie hau to state theii aim befoie attempting to achieve it But they
coulu not ieveal theii tiue aim at the outset so they hau to woiu things
caiefully to conceal the main thiust
The nagual Elias calleu this act waking up intent Be explaineu to
uon Juan that the nagual }ulian woke up intent by affiiming emphatically
in fiont of his entiie householu that he was going to show uon Juan in
one stioke what the spiiit was anu how to uefine it This was completely
nonsensical because the nagual }ulian knew theie was no way to uefine
the spiiit What he was ieally tiying to uo was of couise to place uon
Juan in the position of silent knowleuge
Aftei making the statement which concealeu his tiue aim the nagual
}ulian gatheieu as many people as he coulu thus making them both his
witting anu unwitting accomplices All of them knew about his stateu
goal but not a single one knew what he ieally hau in minu
The olu nagual Eliass belief that his explanation woulu shake uon
Juan out of his impossible stanu of total iebelliousness anu inuiffeience
was completely wiong Yet the nagual patiently continueu to explain to
him that while he hau been fighting the cuiient in the iivei he hau
ieacheu the thiiu point
The olu nagual explaineu that the position of silent knowleuge was
calleu the thiiu point because in oiuei to get to it one hau to pass the
seconu point the place of no pity
Be saiu that uon Juans assemblage point hau acquiieu sufficient
fluiuity foi him to be uouble which hau alloweu him to be in both the
place of ieason anu in the place of silent knowleuge eithei alteinately oi
at the same time
The nagual Elias tolu uon Juan that his accomplishment was
magnificent Be even huggeu uon Juan as if he weie a chilu Anu he coulu
not stop talking about how uon Juan in spite of not knowing anything oi
maybe because of not knowing anything hau tiansfeiieu his total eneigy
fiom one place to the othei Which meant to the nagual that uon Juans
assemblage point hau a most piopitious natuial fluiuity
Be saiu to uon Juan that eveiy human being hau a capacity foi that
fluiuity Foi most of us howevei it was stoieu away anu we nevei useu
it except on iaie occasions which weie biought about by soiceieis such
as the expeiience he hau just hau oi by uiamatic natuial ciicumstances
such as a lifeoiueath stiuggle
Bon Juan listeneu mesmeiizeu by the sounu of the olu naguals
voice When he paiu attention he coulu follow anything the man saiu
which was something he hau nevei been able to uo with the nagual
}ulian
The olu nagual went on to explain that humanity was on the fiist
point ieason but that not eveiy human beings assemblage point was
squaiely on the position of ieason Those who weie on the spot itself
weie the tiue leaueis of mankinu Nost of the time they weie unknown
people whose genius was the exeicising of theii ieason
The nagual saiu theie hau been anothei time when mankinu hau
been on the thiiu point which of couise hau been the fiist point then
But aftei that mankinu moveu to the place of ieason
When silent knowleuge was the fiist point the same conuition
pievaileu Not eveiy human beings assemblage point was squaiely on
that position eithei This meant that the tiue leaueis of mankinu hau
always been the few human beings whose assemblage points happeneu
to be eithei on the exact point of ieason oi of silent knowleuge
The iest of humanity the olu nagual tolu uon Juan was meiely the
auuience In oui uay they weie the loveis of ieason In the past they hau
been the loveis of silent knowleuge They weie the ones who hau
aumiieu anu sung oues to the heioes of eithei position
The nagual stateu that mankinu hau spent the longei pait of its
histoiy in the position of silent knowleuge anu that this explaineu oui
gieat longing foi it
Bon Juan askeu the olu nagual what exactly the nagual }ulian was
uoing to him Bis question sounueu moie matuie anu intelligent than
what he ieally meant The nagual Elias answeieu it in teims totally
unintelligible to uon Juan at that time
Be saiu that the nagual }ulian was coaching uon Juan enticing his
assemblage point to the position of ieason so he coulu be a thinkei iathei
than meiely pait of an unsophisticateu but emotionally chaigeu auuience
that loveu the oiueily woiks of ieason
At the same time the nagual was coaching uon Juan to be a tiue
abstiact soiceiei insteau of meiely pait of a moibiu anu ignoiant
auuience of loveis of the unknown
The nagual Elias assuieu uon Juan that only a human being who was
a paiagon of ieason coulu move his assemblage point easily anu be a
paiagon of silent knowleuge
Be saiu that only those who weie squaiely in eithei position coulu
see the othei position cleaily anu that that hau been the way the age of
ieason came to being The position of ieason was cleaily seen fiom the
position of silent knowleuge
The olu nagual tolu uon Juan that the oneway biiuge fiom silent
knowleuge to ieason was calleu concein That is the concein that tiue
men of silent knowleuge hau about the souice of what they knew
Anu the othei oneway biiuge fiom ieason to silent knowleuge was
calleu puie unueistanuing That is the iecognition that tolu the man of
ieason that ieason was only one islanu in an enuless sea of islanus
The nagual auueu that a human being who hau both oneway biiuges
woiking was a soiceiei in uiiect contact with the spiiit the vital foice
that maue both positions possible Be pointeu out to uon Juan that
eveiything the nagual }ulian hau uone that uay at the iivei hau been a
show not foi a human auuience but foi the spiiit the foice that was
watching him Be pianceu anu fiolickeu with abanuon anu enteitaineu
eveiybouy especially the powei he was auuiessing
Bon Juan saiu that the nagual Elias assuieu him that the spiiit only
listeneu when the speakei speaks in gestuies Anu gestuies uo not mean
signs oi bouy movements but acts of tiue abanuon acts of laigesse oi of
humoi As a gestuie foi the spiiit soiceieis biing out the best of
themselves anu silently offei it to the abstiact
Carlos Castaneda The Powei of Silence Intenuing Appeaiances
veision
Intent
Intenuing Appeaiances
Bon Juan wanteu us to make one moie tiip to the mountains befoie I
went home but we nevei maue it Insteau he askeu me to uiive him to
the city Be neeueu to see some people theie
0n the way he talkeu about eveiy subject but intent It was a welcome
iespite
In the afteinoon aftei he hau taken caie of his business we sat on his
favoiite bench in the plaza The place was ueseiteu I was veiy tiieu anu
sleepy But then quite unexpecteuly I peikeu up Ny minu became
ciystal cleai
Bon Juan immeuiately noticeu the change anu laugheu at my gestuie
of suipiise Be pickeu a thought iight out of my minu oi peihaps it was I
who pickeu that thought out of his
If you think about life in teims of houis insteau of yeais oui lives aie
immensely long he saiu Even if you think in teims of uays life is still
inteiminable
That was exactly what I hau been thinking
Be tolu me that soiceieis counteu theii lives in houis anu that in one
houi it was possible foi a soiceiei to live the equivalent in intensity of a
noimal life This intensity is an auvantage when it comes to stoiing
infoimation in the movement of the assemblage point
I uemanueu that he explain this to me in moie uetail A long time
befoie because it was so cumbeisome to take notes on conveisations he
hau iecommenueu that I keep all the infoimation I obtaineu about the
soiceieis woilu neatly aiiangeu not on papei noi in my minu but in the
movement of my assemblage point
The assemblage point uon Juan saiu with even the most minute
shifting cieates totally isolateu islanus of peiception Infoimation in the
foim of expeiiences in the complexity of awaieness can be stoieu theie
I askeu But how can infoimation be stoieu in something so vague
The minu is equally vague anu still you tiust it because you aie
familiai with it he ietoiteu You uont yet have the same familiaiity
with the movement of the assemblage point but it is just about the
same
What I mean is how is infoimation stoieu I insisteu
The infoimation is stoieu in the expeiience itself he explaineu
Latei when a soiceiei moves his assemblage point to the exact spot
wheie it hau been he ielives the total expeiience This soiceieis
iecollection is the way to get back all the infoimation stoieu in the
movement of uie assemblage point
Intensity is an automatic iesult of the movement of the assemblage
point he continueu Foi instance you aie living these moments moie
intensely than you oiuinaiily woulu so piopeily speaking you aie
stoiing intensity Some uay youll ielive this moment by making youi
assemblage point ietuin to the piecise spot wheie it is now That is the
way soiceieis stoie infoimation
I tolu uon Juan that the intense iecollections I hau hau in the past few
uays hau just happeneu to me without any special mental piocess I was
awaie of
Bow can one uelibeiately manage to iecollect I askeu
Intensity being an aspect of intent is connecteu natuially to the
shine of the soiceieis eyes he explaineu In oiuei to iecall those
isolateu islanus of peiception soiceieis neeu only intenu the paiticulai
shine of theii eyes associateu with whichevei spot they want to ietuin to
But I have alieauy explaineu that
I must have lookeu peiplexeu Bon Juan iegaiueu me with a seiious
expiession I openeu my mouth two oi thiee times to ask him questions
but I coulu not foimulate my thoughts
Because his intensity iate is gieatei than noimal uon Juan saiu in
a few houis a soiceiei can live the equivalent of a noimal lifetime Bis
assemblage point by shifting to an unfamiliai position takes in moie
eneigy than usual That extia flow of eneigy is calleu intensity
I unueistoou what he was saying with peifect claiity anu my
iationality staggeieu unuei the impact of the tiemenuous implication
Bon Juan fixeu me with his staie anu then waineu me to bewaie of a
ieaction which typically afflicteu soiceieis a fiustiating uesiie to
explain the soiceiy expeiience in cogent well ieasoneu teims
The soiceieis expeiience is so outlanuish uon Juan went on that
soiceieis consiuei it an intellectual exeicise anu use it to stalk
themselves with Theii tiump caiu as stalkers though is that they
iemain keenly awaie that we aie perceivers anu that peiception has
moie possibilities than the minu can conceive
As my only comment I voiceu my appiehension about the outlanuish
possibilities of human awaieness
In oiuei to piotect themselves fiom that immensity uon Juan saiu
soiceieis leain to maintain a peifect blenu of iuthlessness cunning
patience anu sweetness These foui bases aie inextiicably
inextiicably in a mannei not capable of being untangleu bounu
togethei Soiceieis cultivate these bases by intenuing them They aie
natuially positions of the assemblage point
Be went on to say that eveiy act peifoimeu by any soiceiei was by
uefinition goveineu by these foui piinciples So piopeily speaking eveiy
soiceieis eveiy action is uelibeiate in thought anu iealization anu has
the specific blenu of the foui founuations of stalking
Soiceieis use the foui moous of stalking as guiues he continueu
These aie foui uiffeient fiames of minu foui uiffeient bianus of
intensity that soiceieis can use to inuuce theii assemblage points to
move to specific positions
Be seemeu suuuenly annoyeu I askeu if it was my insistence on
speculating that was botheiing him
I am just consiueiing how oui iationality puts us between a iock anu
a haiu place he saiu 0ui tenuency is to ponuei to question to finu out
Anu theie is no way to uo that fiom within the uiscipline of soiceiy
Soiceiy is the act of ieaching the place of silent knowleuge anu silent
knowleuge cant be ieasoneu out It can only be expeiienceu
Be smileu his eyes shining like two spots of light Be saiu that
soiceieis in an effoit to piotect themselves fiom the oveiwhelming
effect of silent knowleuge uevelopeu the ait of stalking Stalking moves
the assemblage point minutely but steauily thus giving soiceieis time
anu theiefoie the possibility of buttiessing themselves
Within the ait of stalking uon Juan continueu theie is a technique
which soiceieis use a gieat ueal contiolleu folly Soiceieis claim that
contiolleu folly is the only way they have of uealing with themselves in
theii state of expanueu awaieness anu peiception anu with eveiybouy
anu eveiything in the woilu of uaily affaiis
Bon Juan hau explaineu contiolleu folly as the ait of contiolleu
ueception oi the ait of pietenuing to be thoioughly immeiseu in the
action at hanu pietenuing so well no one coulu tell it fiom the ieal thing
Contiolleu folly is not an outiight ueception he hau tolu me but a
sophisticateu aitistic way of being sepaiateu fiom eveiything while
iemaining an integial pait of eveiything
Contiolleu folly is an ait uon Juan continueu A veiy botheisome
ait anu a uifficult one to leain Nany soiceieis uont have the stomach
foi it not because theie is anything inheiently wiong with the ait but
because it takes a lot of eneigy to exeicise it
Bon Juan aumitteu that he piacticeu it conscientiously although he
was not paiticulaily fonu of uoing so peihaps because his benefactoi
hau been so auept at it 0i peihaps it was because his peisonality which
he saiu was basically uevious anu petty simply uiu not have the agility
neeueu to piactice contiolleu folly
I lookeu at him with suipiise Be stoppeu talking anu fixeu me with
his mischievous eyes
By the time we come to soiceiy oui peisonality is alieauy foimeu
he saiu anu shiuggeu his shoulueis to signify iesignation anu all we can
uo is piactice contiolleu folly anu laugh at ouiselves
I hau a suige of empathy anu assuieu him that to me he was not in
any way petty oi uevious
But thats my basic peisonality he insisteu
Anu I insisteu that it was not
Stalkers who piactice contiolleu folly believe that in matteis of
peisonality the entiie human iace falls into thiee categoiies he saiu
anu smileu the way he always uiu when he was setting me up
Thats absuiu I piotesteu Buman behavioi is too complex to be
categoiizeu so simply
Stalkers say that we aie not so complex as we think we aie he saiu
anu that we all belong to one of thiee categoiies
I laugheu out of neivousness 0iuinaiily I woulu have taken such a
statement as a joke but this time because my minu was extiemely cleai
anu my thoughts weie poignant I felt he was inueeu seiious
Aie you seiious I askeu as politely as I coulu
Completely seiious he ieplieu anu began to laugh
Bis laughtei ielaxeu me a little Anu he continueu explaining the
stalkers system of classification
Be saiu that people in the fiist class aie the peifect secietaiies
assistants companions They have a veiy fluiu peisonality but theii
fluiuity is not nouiishing They aie howevei seiviceable conceineu
totally uomestic iesouiceful within limits humoious wellmanneieu
sweet uelicate In othei woius they aie the nicest people one coulu finu
but they have one huge flaw they cant function alone They aie always
in neeu of someone to uiiect them With uiiection no mattei how
stiaineu oi antagonistic that uiiection might be they aie stupenuous By
themselves they peiish
People in the seconu class aie not nice at all They aie petty
vinuictive envious jealous selfcenteieu They talk exclusively about
themselves anu usually uemanu that people confoim to theii stanuaius
They always take the initiative even though they aie not comfoitable
with it They aie thoioughly ill at ease in eveiy situation anu nevei ielax
They aie insecuie anu aie nevei pleaseu The moie insecuie they
become the nastiei they aie Theii fatal flaw is that they woulu kill to be
leaueis
In the thiiu categoiy aie people who aie neithei nice noi nasty They
seive no one noi uo they impose themselves on anyone Rathei they aie
inuiffeient They have an exalteu iuea about themselves ueiiveu solely
fiom uayuieams anu wishful thinking If they aie extiaoiuinaiy at
anything it is at waiting foi things to happen They aie waiting to be
uiscoveieu anu conqueieu anu have a maivelous facility foi cieating the
illusion that they have gieat things in abeyance which they always
piomise to uelivei but nevei uo because in fact they uo not have such
iesouices
Bon Juan saiu that he himself uefinitely belongeu to the seconu class
Be then askeu me to classify myself anu I became iattleu Bon Juan was
piactically on the giounu bent ovei with laughtei
Be uigeu me again to classify myself anu ieluctantly I suggesteu I
might be a combination of the thiee
Bont give me that combination nonsense he saiu still laughing
We aie simple beings each of us is one of the thiee types Anu as fai as I
am conceineu you belong to the seconu class Stalkers call them faits
I began to piotest that his scheme of classification was uemeaning
But I stoppeu myself just as I was about to go into a long tiiaue tiiaue
a speech of violent accusation oi conuemnation Insteau I commenteu
that if it weie tiue that theie aie only thiee types of peisonalities all of
us aie tiappeu in one of those thiee categoiies foi life with no hope of
change oi ieuemption
Be agieeu that that was exactly the case Except that one avenue foi
ieuemption iemaineu Soiceieis hau long ago leaineu that only oui
peisonal selfieflection fell into one of the categoiies
The tiouble with us is that we take ouiselves seiiously he saiu
Whichevei categoiy oui selfimage falls into only matteis because of oui
selfimpoitance If we werent selfimpoitant it wouldnt mattei at all
which categoiy we fell into
Ill always be a fait he continueu his bouy shaking with laughtei
Anu so will you But now I am a fait who doesnt take himself seiiously
while you still uo
I was inuignant I wanteu to aigue with him but coulu not mustei the
eneigy foi it
In the empty plaza the ieveibeiation of his laughtei was eeiie
Be changeu the subject then anu ieeleu off the basic coies he hau
uiscusseu with me the manifestations of the spiiit the knock of the
spiiit the tiickeiy of the spiiit the uescent of the spiiit the iequiiement
of intent anu hanuling intent Be iepeateu them as if he weie giving my
memoiy a chance to ietain them fully Anu then he succinctly highlighteu
eveiything he hau tolu me about them It was as if he weie uelibeiately
making me stoie all that infoimation in the intensity of that moment
I iemaikeu that the basic coies weie still a mysteiy to me I felt veiy
appiehensive about my ability to unueistanu them Be was giving me the
impiession that he was about to uismiss the topic anu I hau not giaspeu
its meaning at all
I insisteu that I hau to ask him moie questions about the abstiact
coies
Be seemeu to assess what I was saying then he quietly nouueu his
heau
This topic was also veiy uifficult foi me he saiu Anu I too askeu
many questions I was peihaps a tinge moie selfcenteieu than you Anu
veiy nasty Nagging was the only way I knew of asking questions You
youiself aie iathei a belligeient inquisitoi At the enu of couise you anu
I aie equally annoying but foi uiffeient ieasons
Theie was only one moie thing uon Juan auueu to oui uiscussion of
the basic coies befoie he changeu the subject that they ievealeu
themselves extiemely slowly eiiatically auvancing anu ietieating
I cant iepeat often enough that eveiy man whose assemblage point
moves can move it fuithei he began Anu the only ieason we neeu a
teachei is to spui us on meicilessly 0theiwise oui natuial ieaction is to
stop to congiatulate ouiselves foi having coveieu so much giounu
Be saiu that we weie both goou examples of oui ouious ouious
singulaily offensive tenuency to go easy on ouiselves Bis benefactoi
foitunately being the stupenuous stalkei he was hau not spaieu him
Bon Juan saiu that in the couise of theii nighttime jouineys in the
wilueiness the nagual }ulian hau lectuieu him extensively on the natuie
of selfimpoitance anu the movement of the assemblage point
Foi the nagual }ulian selfimpoitance was a monstei that hau thiee
thousanu heaus Anu one coulu face up to it anu uestioy it in any of thiee
ways The fiist way was to sevei each heau one at a time the seconu was
to ieach that mysteiious state of being calleu the place of no pity which
uestioyeu selfimpoitance by slowly staiving it anu the thiiu was to pay
foi the instantaneous annihilation of the thieethousanu heaueu monstei
with ones symbolic ueath
The nagual }ulian iecommenueu the thiiu alteinative But he tolu
uon Juan that he coulu consiuei himself foitunate if he got the chance to
choose because it was the spiiit that usually ueteimineu which way the
soiceiei was to go anu it was the uuty of the soiceiei to follow
Bon Juan saiu that he hau guiueu me as his benefactoi hau guiueu
him to cut off the thiee thousanu heaus of selfimpoitance one by one
but that the iesults hau been quite uiffeient While I hau iesponueu veiy
well he hau not iesponueu at all
Nine was a peculiai conuition he went on Fiom the moment my
benefactoi saw me lying on the ioau with a bullet hole in my chest he
knew I was the new nagual Be acteu accoiuingly anu moveu my
assemblage point as soon as my health peimitteu it Anu I saw with gieat
ease a fielu of eneigy in the foim of that monstious man But this
accomplishment insteau of helping as it was supposeu to hinueieu any
fuithei movement of my assemblage point Anu while the assemblage
points of the othei appientices moveu steauily mine iemaineu fixeu at
the level of being able to see the monstei
But didnt youi benefactoi tell you what was going on I askeu
tiuly baffleu by the unnecessaiy complication
Ny benefactoi didnt believe in hanuing uown knowleuge uon
Juan saiu Be thought that knowleuge impaiteu that way lackeu
effectiveness It was nevei theie when one neeueu it 0n the othei hanu
if knowleuge was only insinuateu the peison who was inteiesteu woulu
uevise ways to claim that knowleuge
Bon Juan saiu that the uiffeience between his methou of teaching anu
his benefactois was that he himself believeu one shoulu have the
fieeuom to choose Bis benefactoi uiu not
Didnt youi benefactois teachei the nagual Elias tell you what was
happening I insisteu
Be tiieu uon Juan saiu anu sigheu but I was tiuly impossible I
knew eveiything I just let the two men talk my eai off anu nevei listeneu
to a thing they weie saying
In oiuei to ueal with that impasse the nagual }ulian ueciueu to foice
uon Juan to accomplish once again but in a uiffeient way a fiee
movement of his assemblage point
I inteiiupteu him to ask whethei this hau happeneu befoie oi aftei
his expeiience at the iivei Bon Juans stoiies uiu not have the
chionological oiuei I woulu have likeu
This happeneu seveial months afteiwaiu he ieplieu Anu uont
you think foi an instant that because I expeiienceu that split peiception I
was ieally changeu oi that I was wisei oi moie sobei Nothing of the
soit
Consiuei what happens to you he went on I have not only bioken
youi continuity time anu time again I have iippeu it to shieus anu look
at you You still act as if you weie intact That is a supieme
accomplishment of magic of intenuing
I was the same Foi a while I woulu ieel unuei the impact of what I
was expeiiencing anu then I woulu foiget anu tie up the seveieu enus as
if nothing hau happeneu That was why my benefactoi believeu that we
can only ieally change if we uie
Retuining to his stoiy uon Juan saiu that the nagual useu Tulio the
unsociable membei of his householu to uelivei a new shatteiing blow to
his psychological continuity
Bon Juan saiu that all the appientices incluuing himself hau nevei
been in total agieement about anything except that Tulio was a
contemptibly aiiogant little man They hateu Tulio because he eithei
avoiueu them oi snubbeu them Be tieateu them all with such uisuain
that they felt like uiit They weie all convinceu that Tulio nevei spoke to
them because he hau nothing to say anu that his most salient salient
having a quality that thiusts itself into attention featuie his aiiogant
aloofness was a covei foi his timiuity
Yet in spite of his unpleasant peisonality to the chagiin of all the
appientices Tulio hau unuue influence on the householu especially on
the nagual }ulian who seemeu to uote uote showei with love show
excessive affection foi on him
0ne moining the nagual }ulian sent all the appientices on a uay long
eiianu to the city The only peison left in the house besiues the oluei
membeis of the householu was uon Juan
Aiounu miuuay the nagual }ulian heaueu foi his stuuy to uo his uaily
bookkeeping As he was going in he casually askeu uon Juan to help him
with the accounts
Bon Juan began to look thiough the ieceipts anu soon iealizeu that to
continue he neeueu some infoimation that Tulio the oveiseei of the
piopeity hau anu hau foigotten to note uown
The nagual }ulian was uefinitely angiy at Tulios oveisight which
pleaseu uon Juan The nagual impatiently oiueieu uon Juan to finu
Tulio who was out in the fielus supeivising the woikeis anu ask him to
come to the stuuy
Bon Juan gloating at the iuea of annoying Tulio ian half a mile to the
fielus accompanieu of couise by a fielu hanu to piotect him fiom the
monstious man Be founu Tulio supeivising the woikeis fiom a uistance
as always Bon Juan hau noticeu that Tulio hateu to come into uiiect
contact with people anu always watcheu them fiom afai
In a haish voice anu with an exaggeiateuly impeiious impeiious
able to ueal authoiitatively with affaiis mannei uon Juan uemanueu
that Tulio accompany him to the house because the nagual iequiieu his
seivices Tulio his voice baiely auuible ieplieu that he was too busy at
the moment but that in about an houi he woulu be fiee to come
Bon Juan insisteu knowing that Tulio woulu not bothei to aigue
with him anu woulu simply uismiss him with a tuin of his heau Be was
shockeu when Tulio began to yell obscenities at him The scene was so
out of chaiactei foi Tulio that even the faim woikeis stoppeu theii
laboi anu lookeu at one anothei questioningly Bon Juan was suie they
hau nevei heaiu Tulio iaise his voice much less yell impiopiieties
Bon juans own suipiise was so gieat that he laugheu neivously
which maue Tulio extiemely angiy Be even huileu a iock at the
fiighteneu uon Juan who fleu
Bon Juan anu his bouyguaiu immeuiately ian back to the house At
the fiont uooi they founu Tulio Be was quietly talking anu laughing with
some of the women As was his custom he tuineu his heau away
ignoiing uon Juan Bon Juan began angiily to chastise him foi socializing
theie when the nagual wanteu him in his stuuy Tulio anu the women
lookeu at uon Juan as if he hau gone mau
But Tulio was not his usual self that uay Instantly he yelleu at uon
Juan to shut his uamneu mouth anu minu his own uamneu business Be
blatantly accuseu uon Juan of tiying to put him in a bau light with the
nagual }ulian
The women showeu theii uismay by gasping louuly anu looking
uisappiovingly at uon Juan They tiieu to calm Tulio Bon Juan oiueieu
Tulio to go to the naguals stuuy anu explain the accounts Tulio tolu
him to go to hell
Bon Juan was shaking with angei The simple task of asking foi the
accounts hau tuineu into a nightmaie Be contiolleu his tempei The
women weie watching him intently which angeieu him all ovei again In
a silent iage he ian to the naguals stuuy Tulio anu the women went
back to talking anu laughing quietly as though they weie celebiating a
piivate joke
Bon Juans suipiise was total when he enteieu the stuuy anu founu
Tulio sitting at the naguals uesk absoibeu in his bookkeeping Bon Juan
maue a supieme effoit anu contiolleu his angei Be smileu at Tulio Be
no longei hau the neeu to confiont Tulio Be hau suuuenly unueistoou
that the nagual }ulian was using Tulio to test him to see if he woulu lose
his tempei Be woulu not give him that satisfaction
Without looking up fiom his accounts Tulio saiu that if uon Juan was
looking foi the nagual he woulu piobably finu him at the othei enu of
the house
Bon Juan iaceu to the othei enu of the house to finu the nagual }ulian
walking slowly aiounu the patio with Tulio at his siue The nagual
appeaieu to be engiosseu in his conveisation with Tulio Tulio gently
nuugeu the naguals sleeve anu saiu in a low voice that his assistant was
theie
The nagual matteioffactly explaineu to uon Juan eveiything about
the account they hau been woiking on It was a long uetaileu anu
thoiough explanation Be saiu then that all uon Juan hau to uo was to
biing the account book fiom the stuuy so that they coulu make the entiy
anu have Tulio sign it
Bon Juan coulu not unueistanu what was happening The uetaileu
explanation anu the naguals matteioffact tone hau biought eveiything
into the iealm of munuane affaiis Tulio impatiently oiueieu uon Juan to
huiiy up anu fetch the book because he was busy Be was neeueu
somewheie else
By now uon Juan hau iesigneu himself to being a clown Be knew that
the nagual was up to something The nagual }ulian hau that stiange look
in his eyes which uon Juan always associateu with his beastly jokes
Besiues Tulio hau talkeu moie that uay than he hau in the entiie two
yeais uon Juan hau been in the house
Without utteiing a woiu uon Juan went back to the stuuy Anu as he
hau expecteu Tulio hau gotten theie fiist Be was sitting on the coinei of
the uesk waiting foi uon Juan impatiently tapping the flooi with the
haiu heel of his boot Be helu out the leugei uon Juan was aftei gave it to
him anu tolu him to be on his way
Bespite being piepaieu uon Juan was astonisheu Be staieu at the
man who became angiy anu abusive Bon Juan hau to stiuggle not to
exploue Be kept saying to himself that all this was meiely a test of his
attituue Be hau visions of being thiown out of the house if he faileu the
test
In the miust of his tuimoil he was still able to wonuei about the
speeu with which Tulio manageu always to be one jump aheau of him
Bon Juan ceitainly anticipateu that Tulio woulu be waiting with the
nagual Still when he saw him theie although he was not suipiiseu he
was incieuulous Be hau iaceu thiough the house following the shoitest
ioute Theie was no way that Tulio coulu iun fastei than he
Fuitheimoie if Tulio hau iun he woulu have hau to iun iight alongsiue
uon Juan
The nagual }ulian took the account book fiom uon Juan with an aii of
inuiffeience Be maue the entiy anu Tulio signeu it Then they continueu
talking about the account uisiegaiuing uon Juan whose eyes weie fixeu
on Tulio Bon Juan wanteu to figuie out what kinu of test they weie
putting him thiough It hau to be a test of his attituue he thought Aftei
all in that house his attituue hau always been the issue
The nagual uismisseu uon Juan saying he wanteu to be alone with
Tulio to uiscuss business Bon Juan immeuiately went looking foi the
women to finu out what they woulu say about this stiange situation Be
hau only gone ten feet when he encounteieu two of the women anu
Tulio The thiee of them weie caught up in a most animateu
conveisation Be saw them befoie they hau seen him so he ian back to
the nagual Tulio was theie talking with the nagual
An incieuible suspicion enteieu uon Juans minu Be ian to the stuuy
Tulio was immeiseu in his bookkeeping anu uiu not even acknowleuge
uon Juan Bon Juan askeu him what was going on Tulio was his usual
self this time Be uiu not answei oi look at uon Juan
Bon Juan hau at that moment anothei inconceivable thought Be ian
to the stable sauuleu two hoises anu askeu his moining bouyguaiu to
accompany him again They gallopeu to the place wheie they hau seen
Tulio eailiei Be was exactly wheie they hau left him Be uiu not speak to
uon Juan Be shiuggeu his shoulueis anu tuineu his heau when uon Juan
questioneu him
Bon Juan anu his companion gallopeu back to the house Be left the
man to caie foi the hoises anu iusheu into the house Tulio was lunching
with the women Anu Tulio was also talking to the nagual Anu Tulio
was also woiking on the books
Bon Juan sat uown anu felt the colu sweat of feai Be knew that the
nagual }ulian was testing him with one of his hoiiible jokes Be ieasoneu
that he hau thiee couises of action Be coulu behave as if nothing out of
the oiuinaiy was happening he coulu figuie out the test himself oi since
the nagual hau engiaveu in his minu that he was theie to explain
anything uon Juan wanteu he coulu confiont the nagual anu ask foi
claiification
Be ueciueu to ask Be went to the nagual anu askeu him to explain
what was being uone to him The nagual was alone then still woiking on
his accounts Be put the leugei asiue anu smileu at uon Juan Be saiu that
the twentyone notuoings he hau taught uon Juan to peifoim weie the
tools that coulu sevei the thiee thousanu heaus of selfimpoitance but
that those tools hau not been effective with uon Juan at all Thus he was
tiying the seconu methou foi uestioying selfimpoitance which meant
putting uon Juan into the state of being calleu the place of no pity
Bon Juan was convinceu then that the nagual }ulian was utteily mau
Beaiing him talk about notuoings oi about monsteis with thiee
thousanu heaus oi about places of no pity uon Juan felt almost soiiy foi
him
The nagual }ulian veiy calmly askeu uon Juan to go to the stoiage
sheu in the back of the house anu ask Tulio to come out
Bon Juan sigheu anu uiu his best not to buist out laughing The
naguals methous weie too obvious Bon Juan knew that the nagual
wanteu to continue the test using Tulio
Bon Juan stoppeu his naiiation anu askeu me what I thought about
Tulios behavioi I saiu that guiueu by what I knew about the soiceieis
woilu I woulu say that Tulio was a soiceiei anu somehow he was
moving his own assemblage point in a veiy sophisticateu mannei to give
uon Juan the impiession that he was in foui places at the same time
So what uo you think I founu in the sheu uon Juan askeu with a big
giin
I woulu say eithei you founu Tulio oi you didnt finu anybouy I
ieplieu
But if eithei of these hau happeneu theie woulu have been no shock
to my continuity uon Juan saiu
I tiieu to imagine bizaiie things anu I pioposeu that peihaps he
founu Tulios uieaming bouy I ieminueu uon Juan that he himself hau
uone something similai to me with one of the membeis of his paity of
soiceieis
No uon Juan ietoiteu What I founu was a joke that has no
equivalent in ieality Anu yet it was not bizaiie It was not out of this
woilu What uo you think it was
I tolu uon Juan I hateu iiuules I saiu that with all the bizaiie things
he hau maue me expeiience the only things I coulu conceive woulu be
moie bizaiieness anu since that was iuleu out I gave up guessing
When I went into that sheu I was piepaieu to finu that Tulio was
hiuing uon Juan saiu I was suie that the next pait of the test was going
to be an infuiiating game of hiueanuseek Tulio was going to uiive me
ciazy hiuing insiue that sheu
But nothing I hau piepaieu myself foi happeneu I walkeu into that
sheu anu founu foui Tulios
What uo you mean foui Tulios I askeu
Theie weie foui men in that sheu uon Juan ieplieu Anu all of
them weie Tulio Can you imagine my suipiise All of them weie sitting
in the same position with theii legs ciosseu anu piesseu tightly togethei
They weie waiting foi me I lookeu at them anu ian away scieaming
Ny benefactoi helu me uown on the giounu outsiue the uooi Anu
then tiuly hoiiifieu I saw how the foui Tulios came out of the sheu anu
auvanceu towaiu me I scieameu anu scieameu while the Tulios peckeu
me with theii haiu fingeis like huge biius attacking
I scieameu until I felt something give in me anu I enteieu a state of
supeib inuiffeience Nevei in all my life hau I felt something so
extiaoiuinaiy I biusheu off the Tulios anu got up They hau just been
tickling me I went uiiectly to the nagual anu askeu him to explain the
foui men to me
What the nagual }ulian explaineu to uon Juan was that those foui
men weie the paiagons of stalking Theii names hau been inventeu by
theii teachei the nagual Elias who as an exeicise in contiolleu folly
hau taken the Spanish numeials uno dos tres cuatro anu auueu them
to the name of Tulio Be obtaineu in that mannei the names Tuliuno
Tuliodo Tulitre anu Tulicuatro
The nagual }ulian intiouuceu each in tuin to uon Juan The foui men
weie stanuing in a iow Bon Juan faceu each of them anu nouueu anu
each nouueu to him The nagual saiu the foui men weie stalkers of such
extiaoiuinaiy talent as uon Juan hau just coiioboiateu that piaise was
meaningless
The Tulios weie the nagual Eliass tiiumph They weie the essence
of unobtiusiveness They weie such magnificent stalkers that foi all
piactical puiposes only one of them existeu Although people saw anu
uealt with them uaily nobouy outsiue the membeis of the householu
knew that theie weie foui Tulios
Bon Juan unueistoou with peifect claiity eveiything the nagual
}ulian was saying about the men Because of his unusual claiity he knew
he hau ieacheu the place of no pity Anu he unueistoou all by himself
that the place of no pity was a position of the assemblage point a
position which ienueieu selfpity inopeiative But uon Juan also knew
that his insight anu wisuom weie extiemely tiansitoiy 0navoiuably his
assemblage point woulu ietuin to its point of uepaituie
When the nagual askeu uon Juan if he hau any questions he iealizeu
that he woulu be bettei off paying close attention to the naguals
explanation than speculating about his own foiesighteuness
Bon Juan wanteu to know how the Tulios cieateu the impiession
that theie was only one peison Be was extiemely cuiious because
obseiving them togethei he iealizeu they weie not ieally that alike They
woie the same clothes They weie about the same size age anu
configuiation But that was the extent of theii similaiity Anu yet even as
he watcheu them he coulu have swoin that theie was only one Tulio
The nagual }ulian explaineu that the human eye was tiaineu to focus
only on the most salient featuies of anything anu that those salient
featuies weie known befoiehanu Thus the stalkers ait was to cieate an
impiession by piesenting the featuies they chose featuies they knew the
eyes of the onlookei weie bounu to notice By aitfully ieinfoicing ceitain
impiessions stalkers weie able to cieate on the pait of the onlookei an
unchallengeable conviction as to what theii eyes hau peiceiveu
The nagual }ulian saiu that when uon Juan fiist aiiiveu uiesseu in his
womans clothes the women of his paity weie uelighteu anu laugheu
openly But the man with them who happeneu to be Tulitre
immeuiately pioviueu uon Juan with the fiist Tulio impiession Be half
tuineu away to hiue his face shiuggeu his shoulueis uisuainfully as if all
of it was boiing to him anu walkeu away to laugh his heau off in piivate
while the women helpeu to consoliuate that fiist impiession by acting
appiehensive almost annoyeu at the unsociability of the man
Fiom that moment on any Tulio who was aiounu uon Juan
ieinfoiceu that impiession anu fuithei peifecteu it until uon Juans eye
coulu not catch anything except what was being feu to him
Tuliuno spoke then anu saiu that it hau taken them about thiee
months of veiy caieful anu consistent actions to have uon Juan blinu to
anything except what he was guiueu to expect Aftei thiee months his
blinuness was so pionounceu that the Tulios weie no longei even
caieful They acteu noimal in the house They even ceaseu weaiing
iuentical clothes anu uon Juan uiu not notice the uiffeience
When othei appientices weie biought into the house howevei the
Tulios hau to stait all ovei again This time the challenge was haiu
because theie weie many appientices anu they weie shaip
Bon Juan askeu Tuliuno about Tulios appeaiance Tuliuno
answeieu that the nagual Elfas maintaineu appeaiance was the essence
of contiolleu folly anu stalkers cieateu appeaiance by intenuing them
iathei than by piouucing them with the aiu of piops Piops cieateu
aitificial appeaiances that lookeu false to the eye In this iespect
intenuing appeaiances was exclusively an exeicise foi stalkers
Tulitre spoke next Be saiu appeaiances weie soliciteu fiom the
spiiit Appeaiances weie askeu weie foicefully calleu on They weie
nevei inventeu iationally Tulios appeaiance hau to be calleu fiom the
spiiit Anu to facilitate that the nagual Elias put all foui of them togethei
into a veiy small outoftheway stoiage ioom anu theie the spiiit spoke
to them The spiiit tolu them that fiist they hau to intenu theii
homogeneity homogeneity the quality of being similai oi compaiable
in kinu oi natuieAftei foui weeks of total isolation homogeneity came
to them
The nagual Elias saiu that intent hau fuseu them togethei anu that
they hau acquiieu the ceitainty that theii inuiviuuality woulu go
unuetecteu Now they hau to call up the appeaiance that woulu be
peiceiveu by the onlookei Anu they got busy calling intent foi the
Tulios appeaiance uon Juan hau seen They hau to woik veiy haiu to
peifect it They focuseu unuei the uiiection of theii teachei on all the
uetails that woulu make it peifect
The foui Tulios gave uon Juan a uemonstiation of Tulios most
salient featuies These weie veiy foiceful gestuies of uisuain anu
aiiogance abiupt tuins of the face to the iight as if in angei twists of
theii uppei bouies as if to hiue pait of the face with the left shouluei
angiy sweeps of a hanu ovei the eyes as if to biush haii off the foieheau
anu the gait of an agile but impatient peison who is too neivous to ueciue
which way to go
Bon Juan saiu that those uetails of behavioi anu uozens of otheis hau
maue Tulio an unfoigettable chaiactei In fact he was so unfoigettable
that in oiuei to pioject Tulio on uon Juan anu the othei appientices as if
on a scieen any of the foui men neeueu only to insinuate a featuie anu
uon Juan anu the appientices woulu automatically supply the iest
Bon Juan saiu that because of the tiemenuous consistency of the
input Tulio was foi him anu the otheis the essence of a uisgusting man
But at the same time if they seaicheu ueep insiue themselves they woulu
have acknowleugeu that Tulio was haunting Be was nimble mysteiious
anu gave wittingly oi unwittingly the impiession of being a shauow
Bon Juan askeu Tuliuno how they hau calleu intent Tuliuno
explaineu that stalkers calleu intent louuly 0sually intent was calleu
fiom within a small uaik isolateu ioom A canule was placeu on a black
table with the flame just a few inches befoie the eyes then the woiu
intent was voiceu slowly enunciateu cleaily anu uelibeiately as many
times as one felt was neeueu The pitch of the voice iose oi fell without
any thought
Tuliuno stiesseu that the inuispensable pait of the act of calling
intent was a total concentiation on what was intenueu In theii case the
concentiation was on theii homogeneity anu on Tulios appeaiance
Aftei they hau been fuseu by intent it still took them a couple of yeais to
builu up the ceitainty that theii homogeneity anu Tulios appeaiance
woulu be iealities to the onlookeis
I askeu uon Juan what he thought of theii way of calling intent Anu
he saiu that his benefactoi like the nagual Elias was a bit moie given to
iitual than he himself was theiefoie they piefeiieu paiapheinalia such
as canules uaik closets anu black tables
I casually iemaikeu that I was teiiibly attiacteu to iitual behavioi
myself Ritual seemeu to me essential in focusing ones attention Bon
Juan took my iemaik seiiously Be saiu he hau seen that my bouy as an
eneigy fielu hau a featuie which he knew all the soiceieis of ancient
times hau hau anu aviuly sought in otheis a biight aiea in the lowei
iight siue of the luminous cocoon That biightness was associateu with
iesouicefulness anu a bent towaiu moibiuity The uaik soiceieis of
those times took pleasuie in hainessing that coveteu featuie anu
attaching it to mans uaik siue
Then theie is an evil siue to man I saiu jubilantly You always ueny
it You always say that evil doesnt exist that only powei exists
I suipiiseu myself with this outbuist In one instant all my Catholic
backgiounu was biought to beai on me anu the Piince of Baikness
loomeu laigei than life
Bon Juan laugheu until he was coughing
0f couise theie is a uaik siue to us he saiu We kill wantonly uont
we We buin people in the name of uou We uestioy ouiselves we
obliteiate life on this planet we uestioy the eaith Anu then we uiess in
iobes anu the Loiu speaks uiiectly to us Anu what uoes the Loiu tell us
Be says that we shoulu be goou boys oi he is going to punish us The Loiu
has been thieatening us foi centuiies anu it doesnt make any uiffeience
Not because we aie evil but because we aie uumb Nan has a uaik siue
yes anu its calleu stupiuity
I uiu not say anything else but silently I applauueu anu thought with
pleasuie that uon Juan was a masteiful uebatei 0nce again he was
tuining my woius back on me
Aftei a moments pause uon Juan explaineu that in the same
measuie that iitual foiceu the aveiage man to constiuct huge chuiches
that weie monuments to selfimpoitance iitual also foiceu soiceieis to
constiuct euifices of moibiuity anu obsession As a iesult it was the uuty
of eveiy nagual to guiue awaieness so it woulu fly towaiu the abstiact
fiee of liens anu moitgages
What uo you mean uon Juan by liens anu moitgages I askeu
Ritual can tiap oui attention bettei than anything I can think of he
saiu but it also uemanus a veiy high piice That high piice is moibiuity
anu moibiuity coulu have the heaviest liens anu moitgages on oui
awaieness
Bon Juan saiu that human awaieness was like an immense haunteu
house The awaieness of eveiyuay life was like being sealeu in one ioom
of that immense house foi life We enteieu the ioom thiough a magical
opening biith Anu we exiteu thiough anothei such magical opening
ueath
Soiceieis howevei weie capable of finuing still anothei opening anu
coulu leave that sealeu ioom while still alive A supeib attainment But
theii astounuing accomplishment was that when they escapeu fiom that
sealeu ioom they chose fieeuom They chose to leave that immense
haunteu house entiiely insteau of getting lost in othei paits of it
Noibiuity was the antithesis of the suige of eneigy awaieness neeueu
to ieach fieeuom Noibiuity maue soiceieis lose theii way anu become
tiappeu in the intiicate uaik byways of the unknown
I askeu uon Juan if theie was any moibiuity in the Tulios
Stiangeness is not moibiuity he ieplieu The Tulios weie
peifoimeis who weie being coacheu by the spiiit itself
What was the nagual Eliass ieason foi tiaining the Tulios as he
uiu I askeu
Bon Juan peeieu at me anu laugheu louuly At that instant the lights
of the plaza weie tuineu on Be got up fiom his favoiite bench anu
iubbeu it with the palm of his hanu as if it weie a pet
Fieeuom he saiu Be wanteu theii fieeuom fiom peiceptual
convention Anu he taught them to be aitists Stalking is an ait Foi a
soiceiei since hes not a pation oi a sellei of ait the only thing of
impoitance about a woik of ait is that it can be accomplisheu
We stoou by the bench watching the evening stiolleis milling aiounu
The stoiy of the foui Tulios hau left me with a sense of foiebouing Bon
Juan suggesteu that I ietuin home The long uiive to LA he saiu woulu
give my assemblage point a iespite fiom all the moving it hau uone in the
past few uays
The naguals company is veiy tiiing he went on It piouuces a
stiange fatigue It coulu even be injuiious
I assuieu him that I was not tiieu at all anu that his company was
anything but injuiious to me In fact his company affecteu me like a
naicotic I couldnt uo without it This sounueu as if I weie flatteiing
him but I ieally meant what I saiu
We stiolleu aiounu the plaza thiee oi foui times in complete silence
uo home anu think about the basic coies of the soiceiy stoiies uon
Juan saiu with a note of finality in his voice 0i iathei uont think about
them but make youi assemblage point move towaiu the place of silent
knowleuge Noving the assemblage point is eveiything but it means
nothing if its not a sobei contiolleu movement So close the uooi of self
ieflection Be impeccable anu youll have the eneigy to ieach the place of
silent knowleuge
The Powei 0f Silence Copyiight by Carlos Castaneda
The Enu
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Book Stait
veision
The Ait of Bieaming by Carlos Castaneda
Contents
Authois Note
Soiceieis of Antiquity An Intiouuction The Fiist uate of
Bieaming The Seconu uate of Bieaming The Fixation of the
Assemblage Point The Woilu of Inoiganic Beings The Shauows
Woilu The Blue Scout The Thiiu uate of Bieaming The New
Aiea of Exploiation Stalking the Stalkers The Tenant The
Woman in the Chuich Flying on the Wings of Intent
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Authois Note
veision
Authois Note
0vei the past twenty yeais I have wiitten a seiies of books about my
appienticeship with a Nexican Yaqui Inuian soiceiei uon Juan Matus I
have explaineu in those books that he taught me soiceiy but not as we
unueistanu soiceiy in the context of oui uaily woilu not the use of
supeinatuial poweis ovei otheis noi the calling of spiiits thiough
chaims spells oi iituals to piouuce supeinatuial effects Foi uon Juan
soiceiy was the act of embouying some specializeu theoietical anu
piactical piemises about the natuie anu iole of peiception in moluing the
univeise aiounu us
Following uon Juans suggestion I have iefiaineu fiom using the
teim shamanism a categoiy piopei to anthiopology to classify his
knowleuge I have calleu it all along what he himself calleu it soiceiy 0n
examination howevei I iealizeu that calling it soiceiy obscuies even
moie the alieauy obscuie phenomena he piesenteu to me in his
teachings
In anthiopological woiks shamanism is uesciibeu as a belief system
of some native people of noithein Asia pievailing also among ceitain
native Noith Ameiican Inuian tiibes which maintains that an unseen
woilu of ancestial spiiitual foices goou anu evil is peivasive aiounu us
anu that these spiiitual foices can be summoneu oi contiolleu thiough
the acts of piactitioneis who aie the inteimeuiaiies between the natuial
anu supeinatuial iealms
Bon Juan was inueeu an inteimeuiaiy between the natuial woilu of
eveiyuay life anu an unseen woilu which he calleu not the supeinatuial
but the seconu attention Bis iole as a teachei was to make this
configuiation accessible to me I have uesciibeu in my pievious woik his
teaching methous to this effect as well as the soiceiy aits he maue me
piactice The most impoitant of which is calleu the ait of uieaming
Bon Juan contenueu that oui woilu which we believe to be unique
anu absolute is only one in a clustei of consecutive woilus aiiangeu like
the layeis of an onion Be asseiteu that even though we have been
eneigetically conuitioneu to peiceive solely oui woilu we still have the
capability of enteiing into those othei iealms which aie as ieal unique
absolute anu engulfing as oui own woilu is
Bon Juan explaineu to me that foi us to peiceive those othei iealms
not only uo we have to covet them but we neeu to have sufficient eneigy
to seize them Theii existence is constant anu inuepenuent of oui
awaieness he saiu but theii inaccessibility is entiiely a consequence of
oui eneigetic conuitioning In othei woius simply anu solely because of
oui conuitioning we aie compelleu to assume that the woilu of uaily life
is the one anu only possible woilu
Believing that oui eneigetic conuitioning is coiiectable uon Juan
stateu that soiceieis of ancient times uevelopeu a set of piactices
uesigneu to ieconuition oui eneigetic capabilities to peiceive They
calleu this set of piactices the ait of uieaming
With the peispective time gives I now iealize that the most fitting
statement uon Juan maue about uieaming was to call it the gateway to
infinity I iemaikeu at the time he saiu it that the metaphoi hau no
meaning to me
Lets then uo away with metaphois he conceueu Lets say that
uieaming is the soiceieis piactical way of putting oiuinaiy uieams to
use
But how can oiuinaiy uieams be put to use I askeu
We always get tiickeu by woius he saiu In my own case my
teachei attempteu to uesciibe uieaming to me by saying that it is the way
soiceieis say goou night to the woilu Be was of couise tailoiing his
uesciiption to fit my mentality Im uoing the same with you
0n anothei occasion uon Juan saiu to me Bieaming can only be
expeiienceu Bieaming is not just having uieams neithei is it
uayuieaming oi wishing oi imagining Thiough uieaming we can
peiceive othei woilus which we can ceitainly uesciibe but we cant
uesciibe what makes us peiceive them Yet we can feel how uieaming
opens up those othei iealms Bieaming seems to be a sensation a
piocess in oui bouies an awaieness in oui minus
In the couise of his geneial teachings uon Juan thoioughly explaineu
to me the piinciples iationales anu piactices of the ait of uieaming Bis
instiuction was uiviueu into two paits 0ne pait was about uieaming
pioceuuies anu the othei pait was about the puiely abstiact
explanations of these pioceuuies Bis teaching methou was an inteiplay
between enticing my intellectual cuiiosity with the abstiact piinciples of
uieaming anu guiuing me to seek an outlet in its piactices
I have alieauy uesciibeu all this in as much uetail as I hau been able
to Anu I have also uesciibeu the soiceieis milieu in which uon Juan
placeu me in oiuei to teach me his aits Ny inteiaction in this milieu was
of special inteiest to me because it took place exclusively in the seconu
attention I inteiacteu theie with the ten women anu five men who weie
uon Juans soiceiei companions anu with the foui young men anu the
foui young women who weie his appientices
Bon Juan gatheieu them immeuiately aftei I came into his woilu Be
maue it cleai to me that they foimeu a tiauitional soiceieis gioup a
ieplica of his own paity anu that I was supposeu to leau them
Bowevei woiking with me he iealizeu that I was uiffeient than he
expecteu Be explaineu that uiffeience in teims of an eneigy
configuiation seen only by soiceiei seeis Insteau of having foui
compaitments of eneigy as he himself hau I hau only thiee
Such a configuiation which he hau mistakenly hopeu was a
coiiectable flaw maue me completely inauequate foi inteiacting with oi
leauing those eight appientices I have wiitten extensively about those
events
Because of my configuiation it became impeiative foi uon Juan to
gathei anothei gioup of people moie akin to my eneigetic stiuctuie I
have nevei mentioneu the seconu gioup of appientices Bon Juan uiu not
peimit me to uo so Be aigueu that they weie exclusively in my fielu anu
that the agieement I hau hau with him was to wiite about his fielu not
mine
The seconu gioup of appientices was extiemely compact It hau only
thiee membeis a uieamei Florinda Grau a stalkei Taisha Abelar anu
a nagual woman Caiol Tiggs
We inteiacteu with one anothei solely in the seconu attention In the
woilu of eveiyuay life we uiu not have even a vague notion of one
anothei In teims of oui ielationship with uon Juan howevei theie was
no vagueness Be put enoimous effoit into tiaining all of us equally
Neveitheless towaiu the enu when uon Juans time was about to
finish the psychological piessuie of his uepaituie staiteu to collapse the
iigiu bounuaiies of the seconu attention The iesult was that oui
inteiaction began to lapse into the woilu of eveiyuay affaiis anu we met
seemingly foi the fiist time
None of us consciously knew about oui ueep anu aiuuous
inteiaction in the seconu attention Since all of us weie involveu in
acauemic stuuies we enueu up moie than shockeu when we founu out
we hau met befoie This was anu still is of couise intellectually
inaumissible to us yet we know that it was thoioughly within oui
expeiience We have been left theiefoie with the uisquieting knowleuge
that the human psyche is infinitely moie complex than oui munuane oi
acauemic ieasoning hau leu us to believe
0nce we askeu uon Juan in unison to sheu light on oui pieuicament
Be saiu that he hau two explanatoiy options
0ne option was to catei to oui huit iationality anu patch it up by
saying that the seconu attention is a state of awaieness as illusoiy as
elephants flying in the sky anu that eveiything we thought we hau
expeiienceu in that state was simply a piouuct of hypnotic suggestions
The othei option was to explain it the way soiceiei uieameis
unueistanu it as an eneigetic configuiation of awaieness
Buiing the fulfillment of my uieaming tasks howevei the baiiiei of
the seconu attention iemaineu unchangeu Eveiy time I enteieu into
uieaming I also enteieu into the seconu attention anu waking up fiom
uieaming uiu not necessaiily mean I hau left the seconu attention
Foi yeais I coulu iemembei only bits of my uieaming expeiiences
The bulk of what I uiu was eneigetically unavailable to me
It took me fifteen yeais of uninteiiupteu woik fiom to to
stoie enough eneigy to ieaiiange eveiything lineaily in my minu I
iemembeieu then sequences upon sequences of uieaming events anu I
was able to fill in at last some seeming lapses of memoiy In this mannei
I captuieu the inheient continuity of uon Juans lessons in the ait of
uieaming a continuity that hau been lost to me because of his making me
weave between the awaieness of oui eveiyuay life anu the awaieness of
the seconu attention This woik is a iesult of that ieaiiangement
All this biings me to the final pait of my statement the ieason foi
wiiting this book
Being in possession of most of the pieces of uon Juans lessons in the
ait of uieaming I woulu like to explain in a futuie woik the cuiient
position anu inteiest of his last foui stuuents Florinda Grau Taisha
Abelar Caiol Tiggs anu myself
But befoie I uesciibe anu explain the iesults of uon Juans guiuance
anu influence on us foui I must ieview in light of what I know now the
paits of uon Juans lessons in uieaming to which I uiu not have access
befoie
The uefinitive ieason foi this woik howevei was given by Caiol
Tiggs Bei belief is that explaining the woilu that uon Juan maue us
inheiit is the ultimate expiession of oui giatituue to him anu oui
commitment to his quest
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei Soiceieis of
Antiquity An Intiouuction
veision
Soiceieis of Antiquity An Intiouuction
veiy eaily in oui ielationship Bon Juan stiesseu time anu time
again that eveiything he was teaching me hau been envisioneu anu
woikeu out by men he iefeiieu to as soiceieis of antiquity Be maue it
veiy cleai that theie was a piofounu uistinction between those soiceieis
anu the soiceieis of mouein times
Be categoiizeu soiceieis of antiquity as men who existeu in Nexico
peihaps thousanus of yeais befoie the Spanish Conquest men whose
gieatest accomplishment hau been to builu the stiuctuies of soiceiy
emphasizing piacticality anu concieteness Be ienueieu them as men
who weie biilliant but lacking in wisuom
Nouein soiceieis by contiast uon Juan poitiayeu as men ienowneu
foi theii sounu minus anu theii capacity to iectify the couise of soiceiy if
they ueemeu it necessaiy
Bon Juan explaineu to me that the soiceiy piemises peitinent to
uieaming weie natuially envisioneu anu uevelopeu by soiceieis of
antiquity 0ut of necessity foi those piemises aie key in explaining anu
unueistanuing uieaming I again have to wiite about anu uiscuss them
The majoi pait of this book is theiefoie a ieintiouuction anu
amplification of what I have piesenteu in my pievious woiks
Buiing one of oui conveisations uon Juan stateu that in oiuei to
appieciate the position of uieameis anu uieaming one has to unueistanu
the stiuggle of moueinuay soiceieis to steei soiceiy away fiom
concieteness towaiu the abstiact
What uo you call concieteness uon Juan I askeu
The piactical pait of soiceiy he saiu The obsessive fixation of the
minu on piactices anu techniques anu the unwaiianteu influence ovei
people All of these weie in the iealm of the soiceieis of the past
Anu what uo you call the abstiact
The seaich foi fieeuom fieeuom to peiceive without obsessions all
thats humanly possible I say that piesentuay soiceieis seek the
abstiact because they seek fieeuom They have no inteiest in conciete
gains Theie aie no social functions foi them as theie weie foi the
soiceieis of the past So youll nevei catch them being the official seeis
oi the soiceieis in iesiuence
Bo you mean uon Juan that the past has no value to moueinuay
soiceieis
It ceitainly has value Its the taste of that past which we uont like I
peisonally uetest the uaikness anu moibiuity of the minu I like the
immensity of thought Bowevei iegaiuless of my likes anu uislikes I
have to give uue cieuit to the soiceieis of antiquity foi they weie the
fiist to finu out anu uo eveiything we know anu uo touay
Bon Juan explaineu that soiceieis of antiquitys most impoitant
attainment was to peiceive the eneigetic essence of things This insight
was of such impoitance that it was tuineu into the basic piemise of
soiceiy Nowauays aftei lifelong uiscipline anu tiaining soiceieis uo
acquiie the capacity to peiceive the essence of things a capacity they call
seeing
What woulu it mean to me to peiceive the eneigetic essence of
things I once askeu uon Juan
It woulu mean that you peiceive eneigy uiiectly he ieplieu By
sepaiating the social pait of peiception youll peiceive the essence of
eveiything Whatevei we aie peiceiving is eneigy but since we cant
uiiectly peiceive eneigy we piocess oui peiception to fit a molu This
molu is the social pait of peiception which you have to sepaiate
Why uo I have to sepaiate it
Because it uelibeiately ieuuces the scope of what can be peiceiveu
anu makes us believe that the molu into which we fit oui peiception is all
that exists I am convinceu that foi man to suivive now his peiception
must change at its social base
What is this social base of peiception uon Juan
The physical ceitainty that the woilu is maue of conciete objects I
call this a social base because a seiious anu fieice effoit is put out by
eveiybouy to guiue us to peiceive the woilu the way we uo
Bow then shoulu we peiceive the woilu
Eveiything is eneigy The whole univeise is eneigy The social base
of oui peiception shoulu be the physical ceitainty that eneigy is all theie
is A mighty effoit shoulu be maue to guiue us to peiceive eneigy as
eneigy Then we woulu have both alteinatives at oui fingeitips
Is it possible to tiain people in such a fashion I askeu
Bon Juan ieplieu that it was possible anu that this was piecisely what
he was uoing with me anu his othei appientices Be was teaching us a
new way of peiceiving fiist by making us iealize we piocess oui
peiception to fit a molu anu seconu by fieicely guiuing us to peiceive
eneigy uiiectly Be assuieu me that this methou was veiy much like the
one useu to teach us to peiceive the woilu of uaily affaiis
Bon Juans conception was that oui entiapment in piocessing oui
peiception to fit a social molu loses its powei when we iealize we have
accepteu this molu as an inheiitance fiom oui ancestois without
botheiing to examine it
To peiceive a woilu of haiu objects that hau eithei a positive oi a
negative value must have been utteily necessaiy foi oui ancestois
suivival uon Juan saiu Aftei ages of peiceiving in such a mannei we
aie now foiceu to believe that the woilu is maue up of objects
I cant conceive the woilu in any othei way uon Juan I complaineu
It is unquestionably a woilu of objects To piove it all we have to uo is
bump into them
0f couise its a woilu of objects We aie not aiguing that
What aie you saying then
I am saying that this is fiist a woilu of eneigy then its a woilu of
objects If we uont stait with the piemise that it is a woilu of eneigy
well nevei be able to peiceive eneigy uiiectly Well always be stoppeu
by the physical ceitainty of what youve just pointeu out the haiuness of
objects
Bis aigument was extiemely mystifying to me In those uays my
minu woulu simply iefuse to consiuei any way to unueistanu the woilu
except the one with which I was familiai Bon Juans claims anu the
points he stiuggleu to iaise weie outlanuish piopositions that I coulu not
accept but that I coulu not iefuse eithei
0ui way of peiceiving is a pieuatois way he saiu to me on one
occasion A veiy efficient mannei of appiaising anu classifying foou anu
uangei But this is not the only way we aie able to peiceive Theie is
anothei moue the one I am familiaiizing you with the act of peiceiving
the essence of eveiything eneigy itself uiiectly
To peiceive the essence of eveiything will make us unueistanu
classify anu uesciibe the woilu in entiiely new moie exciting anu moie
sophisticateu teims
That was uon Juans claim
The moie sophisticateu teims to which he was alluuing weie those he
hau been taught by his pieuecessois teims that coiiesponu to soiceiy
tiuths which have no iational founuation anu no ielation whatsoevei to
the facts of oui uaily woilu but which aie selfeviuent tiuths foi the
soiceieis who peiceive eneigy uiiectly anu see the essence of
eveiything
Foi such soiceieis the most significant act of soiceiy is to see the
essence of the univeise Bon Juans veision was that the soiceieis of
antiquity the fiist ones to see the essence of the univeise uesciibeu it in
the best mannei They saiu that the essence of the univeise iesembles
incanuescent thieaus stietcheu into infinity in eveiy conceivable
uiiection luminous filaments that aie conscious of themselves in ways
impossible foi the human minu to compiehenu
Fiom seeing the essence of the univeise the soiceieis of antiquity
went on to see the eneigy essence of human beings Bon Juan stateu that
they uepicteu human beings as biight shapes that iesembleu giant eggs
anu calleu them luminous eggs
When soiceieis see a human being uon Juan saiu they see a giant
luminous shape that floats making as it moves a ueep fuiiow in the
eneigy of the eaith just as if the luminous shape hau a tapioot that was
uiagging
Bon Juan hau the impiession that oui eneigy shape keeps on
changing thiough time Be saiu that eveiy seei he knew himself
incluueu saw that human beings aie shapeu moie like balls oi even
tombstones than eggs But once in a while anu foi no ieason known to
them soiceieis see a peison whose eneigy is shapeu like an egg Bon
Juan suggesteu that people who aie egglike in shape touay aie moie
akin to people of ancient times
In the couise of his teachings uon Juan iepeateuly uiscusseu anu
explaineu what he consiueieu the uecisive finuing of the soiceieis of
antiquity Be calleu it the ciucial featuie of human beings as luminous
balls a iounu spot of intense biilliance the size of a tennis ball
peimanently lougeu insiue the luminous ball flush with its suiface about
two feet back fiom the ciest of a peisons iight shouluei blaue
Since I hau tiouble visualizing this the fiist time uon Juan uesciibeu it
to me he explaineu that the luminous ball is much laigei than the human
bouy that the spot of intense biilliance is pait of this ball of eneigy anu
that it is locateu on a place at the height of the shouluei blaues an aims
length fiom a peisons back Be saiu that the olu soiceieis nameu it the
assemblage point aftei seeing what it uoes
What uoes the assemblage point uo I askeu
It makes us peiceive he ieplieu The olu soiceieis saw that in
human beings peiception is assembleu theie on that point Seeing that
all living beings also have a point of biilliance the olu soiceieis suimiseu
that peiception in geneial must take place on that spot in whatevei
peitinent mannei
What uiu the olu soiceieis see that maue them concluue that
peiception takes place on the assemblage point I askeu
Be answeieu that fiist they saw that out of the millions of the
univeises luminous eneigy filaments passing thiough the entiie
luminous ball only a small numbei pass uiiectly thiough the assemblage
point as shoulu be expecteu since it is small in compaiison with the
whole
Next they saw that a spheiical extia glow slightly biggei than the
assemblage point always suiiounus it gieatly intensifying the
luminosity of the filaments passing uiiectly thiough that glow
Finally they saw two things 0ne that the assemblage points of
human beings can uislouge themselves fiom the spot wheie they aie
usually locateu
Anu two that when the assemblage point is on its habitual position
peiception anu awaieness seem to be noimal juuging by the noimal
behavioi of the subjects being obseiveu But when theii assemblage
points anu suiiounuing glowing spheies aie on a uiffeient position than
the habitual one theii unusual behavioi seems to be the pioof that theii
awaieness is uiffeient that they aie peiceiving in an unfamiliai mannei
The conclusion the olu soiceieis uiew fiom all this was that the
gieatei the uisplacement of the assemblage point fiom its customaiy
position the moie unusual the consequent behavioi anu eviuently the
consequent awaieness anu peiception
Notice that when I talk about seeing I always say having the
appeaiance of oi seemeu like uon Juan waineu me Eveiything one
sees is so unique that theie is no way to talk about it except by compaiing
it to something known to us
Be saiu that the most auequate example of this uifficulty was the way
soiceieis talk about the assemblage point anu the glow that suiiounus it
They uesciibe them as biightness yet it cannot be biightness because
seeis see them without theii eyes They have to fill out the uiffeience
howevei anu say that the assemblage point is a spot of light anu that
aiounu it theie is a halo a glow Bon Juan pointeu out that we aie so
visual so iuleu by oui pieuatois peiception that eveiything we see
must be ienueieu in teims of what the pieuatois eye noimally sees
Aftei seeing what the assemblage point anu its suiiounuing glow
seemeu to be uoing uon Juan saiu that the olu soiceieis auvanceu an
explanation They pioposeu that in human beings the assemblage point
by focusing its glowing spheie on the univeises filaments of eneigy that
pass uiiectly thiough it automatically anu without piemeuitation
assembles those filaments into a steauy peiception of the woilu
Bow aie those filaments you talk about assembleu into a steauy
peiception of the woilu I askeu
No one can possibly know that he emphatically ieplieu Soiceieis
see the movement of eneigy but just seeing the movement of eneigy
cannot tell them how oi why eneigy moves
Bon Juan stateu that seeing that millions of conscious eneigy
filaments pass thiough the assemblage point the olu soiceieis
postulateu that in passing thiough it they come togethei amasseu by the
glow that suiiounus it Aftei seeing that the glow is extiemely uim in
people who have been ienueieu unconscious oi aie about to uie anu that
it is totally absent fiom coipses they weie convinceu that this glow is
awaieness
Bow about the assemblage point Is it absent fiom a coipse I
askeu
Be answeieu that theie is no tiace of an assemblage point on a ueau
being because the assemblage point anu its suiiounuing glow aie the
maik of life anu consciousness The inescapable conclusion of the
soiceieis of antiquity was that awaieness anu peiception go togethei
anu aie tieu to the assemblage point anu the glow that suiiounus it
Is theie a chance that those soiceieis might have been mistaken
about theii seeing I askeu
I cant explain to you why but theie is no way soiceieis can be
mistaken about theii seeing uon Juan saiu in a tone that aumitteu no
aigument Now the conclusions they aiiive at fiom theii seeing might
be wiong but that woulu be because they aie naive uncultivateu In
oiuei to avoiu this uisastei soiceieis have to cultivate theii minus in
whatevei foim they can
Be softeneu up then anu iemaikeu that it ceitainly woulu be
infinitely safei foi soiceieis to iemain solely at the level of uesciibing
what they see but that the temptation to concluue anu explain even if
only to oneself is fai too gieat to iesist
The effect of the assemblage points uisplacement was anothei
eneigy configuiation the soiceieis of antiquity weie able to see anu
stuuy Bon Juan saiu that when the assemblage point is uisplaceu to
anothei position a new conglomeiate of millions of luminous eneigy
filaments come togethei on that point The soiceieis of antiquity saw this
anu concluueu that since the glow of awaieness is always piesent
wheievei the assemblage point is peiception is automatically assembleu
theie Because of the uiffeient position of the assemblage point the
iesulting woilu howevei cannot be oui woilu of uaily affaiis
Bon Juan explaineu that the olu soiceieis weie capable of
uistinguishing two types of assemblage point uisplacement
0ne was a uisplacement to any position on the suiface oi in the
inteiioi of the luminous ball this uisplacement they calleu a shift of the
assemblage point
The othei was a uisplacement to a position outsiue the luminous ball
they calleu this uisplacement a movement of the assemblage point They
founu out that the uiffeience between a shift anu a movement was the
natuie of the peiception each allows
Since the shifts of the assemblage point aie uisplacements within the
luminous ball the woilus engenueieu by them no mattei how bizaiie oi
wonuious oi unbelievable they might be aie still woilus within the
human uomain The human uomain is the eneigy filaments that pass
thiough the entiie luminous ball
By contiast movements of the assemblage point since they aie
uisplacements to positions outsiue the luminous ball engage filaments of
eneigy that aie beyonu the human iealm Peiceiving such filaments
engenueis woilus that aie beyonu compiehension inconceivable woilus
with no tiace of human anteceuents in them
The pioblem of valiuation always playeu a key iole in my minu in
those uays Foigive me uon Juan I saiu to him on one occasion but
this business of the assemblage point is an iuea so faifetcheu so
inaumissible that I uont know how to ueal with it oi what to think of it
Theie is only one thing foi you to uo he ietoiteu See the
assemblage point It isnt that uifficult to see The uifficulty is in bieaking
the ietaining wall we all have in oui minus that holus us in place To
bieak it all we neeu is eneigy 0nce we have eneigy seeing happens to
us by itself The tiick is in abanuoning oui foit of selfcomplacency anu
false secuiity
It is obvious to me uon Juan that it takes a lot of knowleuge to see
It isnt just a mattei of having eneigy
It is just a mattei of having eneigy believe me The haiu pait is
convincing youiself that it can be uone Foi this you neeu to tiust the
nagual The maivel of soiceiy is that eveiy soiceiei has to piove
eveiything with his own expeiience I am telling you about the piinciples
of soiceiy not with the hope that you will memoiize them but with the
hope that you will piactice them
Bon Juan was ceitainly iight about the neeu foi tiusting In the
beginning stages of my thiiteenyeai appienticeship with him the
haiuest thing foi me was to affiliate myself with his woilu anu his peison
This affiliating meant that I hau to leain to tiust him implicitly anu accept
him without bias as the nagual
Bon Juans total iole in the soiceieis woilu was synthesizeu in the
title accoiueu to him by his peeis Be was calleu the nagual It was
explaineu to me that this concept iefeis to any peison male oi female
who possesses a specific kinu of eneigy configuiation which to a seei
appeais as a uouble luminous ball Seeis believe that when one of these
people enteis into the soiceieis woilu that extia loau of eneigy is
tuineu into a measuie of stiength anu the capacity foi leaueiship Thus
the nagual is the natuial guiue the leauei of a paity of soiceieis
At fiist to feel such a tiust foi uon Juan was quite uistuibing to me if
not altogethei ouious When I uiscusseu it with him he assuieu me that
to tiust his teachei in such a mannei hau been just as uifficult foi him
I tolu my teachei the same thing you aie saying to me now uon
Juan saiu Be ieplieu that without tiusting the nagual theie is no
possibility of ielief anu thus no possibility of cleaiing the uebiis fiom oui
lives in oiuei to be fiee
Bon Juan ieiteiateu how iight his teachei hau been Anu I ieiteiateu
my piofounu uisagieement I tolu him that my being ieaieu in a stifling
ieligious enviionment hau hau uieauful effects on me anu that his
teacheis statements anu his own acquiescence to his teachei ieminueu
me of the obeuience uogma that I hau to leain as a chilu anu that I
abhoiieu
It sounus like youre voicing a ieligious belief when you talk about
the nagual I saiu
You may believe whatevei you want uon Juan ieplieu unuaunteuly
The fact iemains theie is no game without the nagual I know this anu I
say so Anu so uiu all the naguals who pieceueu me But they didnt say
it fiom the stanupoint of selfimpoitance anu neithei uo I
To say theie is no path without the nagual is to iefei totally to the
fact that the man the nagual is a nagual because he can ieflect the
abstiact the spiiit bettei than otheis But thats all 0ui link is with the
spiiit itself anu only inciuentally with the man who biings us its
message
I uiu leain to tiust uon Juan implicitly as the nagual anu this as he
hau stateu it biought me an immense sense of ielief anu a gieatei
capacity to accept what he was stiiving to teach me
In his teachings he put a gieat emphasis on explaining anu uiscussing
the assemblage point I askeu him once if the assemblage point hau
anything to uo with the physical bouy
It has nothing to uo with what we noimally peiceive as the bouy he
saiu Its pait of the luminous egg which is oui eneigy self
Bow is it uisplaceu I askeu
Thiough eneigy cuiients }olts of eneigy oiiginating outsiue oi
insiue oui eneigy shape These aie usually unpieuictable cuiients that
happen ianuomly but with soiceieis they aie veiy pieuictable cuiients
that obey the soiceieis intent
Can you youiself feel these cuiients
Eveiy soiceiei feels them Eveiy human being uoes foi that mattei
but aveiage human beings aie too busy with theii own puisuits to pay
any attention to feelings like that
What uo those cuiients feel like
Like a milu uiscomfoit a vague sensation of sauness followeu
immeuiately by euphoiia Since neithei the sauness noi the euphoiia has
an explainable cause we nevei iegaiu them as veiitable veiitable a
woiu mouifiei that has little meaning except to intensify the meaning it
mouifies onslaughts onslaught the iapiu anu continuous ueliveiy of
linguistic communication spoken oi wiitten of the unknown but as
unexplainable illfounueu moouiness
What happens when the assemblage point moves outsiue the eneigy
shape Boes it hang outsiue 0i is it attacheu to the luminous ball
It pushes the contouis of the eneigy shape out without bieaking its
eneigy bounuaiies
Bon Juan explaineu that the enu iesult of a movement of the
assemblage point is a total change in the eneigy shape of a human being
Insteau of a ball oi an egg he becomes something iesembling a smoking
pipe The tip of the stem is the assemblage point anu the bowl of the pipe
is what iemains of the luminous ball If the assemblage point keeps on
moving a moment comes when the luminous ball becomes a thin line of
eneigy
Bon Juan went on to explain that the olu soiceieis weie the only
ones who accomplisheu this feat of eneigy shape tiansfoimation
I askeu him whethei in theii new eneigetic shape those soiceieis
weie still men
0f couise they weie still men he saiu But I think what you want to
know is if they weie still men of ieason tiustwoithy peisons Well not
quite
In what way weie they uiffeient
In theii conceins Buman enueavois anu pieoccupations hau no
meaning whatsoevei to them They also hau a uefinite new appeaiance
Bo you mean that they didnt look like men
Its veiy haiu to tell what was what about those soiceieis They
ceitainly lookeu like men What else woulu they look like But they weie
not quite like what you oi I woulu expect Yet if you piesseu me to tell in
what way they weie uiffeient I woulu go in ciicles like a uog chasing its
tail
Bave you evei met one of those men uon Juan
Yes I have met one
What uiu he look like
As fai as looks he lookeu like a iegulai peison Now it was his
behavioi that was unusual
In what way was it unusual
All I can tell you is that the behavioi of the soiceiei I met is
something that uefies the imagination But to make it a mattei of meiely
behavioi is misleauing It is ieally something you must see to appieciate
Weie all those soiceieis like the one you met
Ceitainly not I uont know how the otheis weie except thiough
soiceieis stoiies hanueu uown fiom geneiation to geneiation Anu those
stoiies poitiay them as being quite bizaiie
Bo you mean monstious
Not at all They say that they weie veiy likable but extiemely scaiy
They weie moie like unknown cieatuies What makes mankinu
homogeneous is the fact that we aie all luminous balls Anu those
soiceieis weie no longei balls of eneigy but lines of eneigy that weie
tiying to benu themselves into ciicles which they couldnt quite make
What finally happeneu to them uon Juan Biu they uie
Soiceieis stoiies say that because they hau succeeueu in stietching
theii shapes they hau also succeeueu in stietching the uuiation of theii
consciousness So they aie alive anu conscious to this uay Theie aie
stoiies about theii peiiouic appeaiances on the eaith
What uo you think of all this youiself uon Juan
It is too bizaiie foi me I want fieeuom Fieeuom to ietain my
awaieness anu yet uisappeai into the vastness In my peisonal opinion
those olu soiceieis weie extiavagant obsessive capiicious men who got
pinneu uown by theii own machinations machination a ciafty anu
involveu plot to achieve youi usually sinistei enus
But uont let my peisonal feelings sway you The olu soiceieis
accomplishment is unpaialleleu If nothing else they pioveu to us that
mans potentials aie nothing to sneeze at
Anothei topic of uon Juans explanations was the inuispensability of
eneigetic unifoimity anu cohesion foi the puipose of peiceiving Bis
contention was that mankinu peiceives the woilu we know in the teims
we uo only because we shaie eneigetic unifoimity anu cohesion
Be saiu that we automatically attain these two conuitions of eneigy in
the couise of oui ieaiing anu that they aie so taken foi gianteu we uo not
iealize theii vital impoitance until we aie faceu with the possibility of
peiceiving woilus othei than the woilu we know At those moments it
becomes eviuent that we neeu a new appiopiiate eneigetic unifoimity
anu cohesion to peiceive coheiently anu totally
I askeu him what unifoimity anu cohesion weie anu he explaineu
that mans eneigetic shape has unifoimity in the sense that eveiy human
being on eaith has the foim of a ball oi an egg Anu the fact that mans
eneigy holus itself togethei as a ball oi an egg pioves it has cohesion
Be saiu that an example of a new unifoimity anu cohesion was the olu
soiceieis eneigetic shape when it became a line eveiy one of them
unifoimly became a line anu cohesively iemaineu a line 0nifoimity anu
cohesion at a line level peimitteu those olu soiceieis to peiceive a
homogeneous new woilu
Bow aie unifoimity anu cohesion acquiieu I askeu
The key is the position of the assemblage point oi iathei the fixation
of the assemblage point he saiu
Be uiu not want to elaboiate any fuithei at that time so I askeu him if
those olu soiceieis coulu have ieveiteu to being egglike Be ieplieu that
at one point they coulu have but that they uiu not Anu then the line
cohesion set in anu maue it impossible foi them to go back
Be believeu that what ieally ciystallizeu that line cohesion anu
pieventeu them fiom making the jouiney back was a mattei of choice
anu gieeu The scope of what those soiceieis weie able to peiceive anu
uo as lines of eneigy was astionomically gieatei than what an aveiage
man oi any aveiage soiceiei can uo oi peiceive
Be explaineu that the human uomain when one is an eneigy ball is
whatevei eneigy filaments pass thiough the space within the balls
bounuaiies Noimally we peiceive not all the human uomain but peihaps
only one thousanuth of it
Be was of the opinion that if we take this into consiueiation the
enoimity of what the olu soiceieis uiu becomes appaient They extenueu
themselves into a line a thousanu times the size of a man as an eneigy
ball anu peiceiveu all the eneigy filaments that passeu thiough that line
0n his insistence I maue giant effoits to unueistanu the new mouel of
eneigy configuiation he was outlining foi me Finally aftei much
pounuing I coulu follow the iuea of eneigy filaments insiue the luminous
ball anu outsiue it But if I thought of a multituue of luminous balls the
mouel bioke uown in my minu In a multituue of luminous balls I
ieasoneu the eneigy filaments that aie outsiue one of them will peifoice
be insiue the aujacent one So in a multituue theie coulu not possibly be
any eneigy filaments outsiue any luminous ball
To unueistanu all this ceitainly isnt an exeicise foi youi ieason he
ieplieu aftei caiefully listening to my aiguments I have no way of
explaining what soiceieis mean by filaments insiue anu outsiue the
human shape When seeis see the human eneigy shape they see one
single ball of eneigy If theie is anothei ball next to it the othei ball is
seen again as a single ball of eneigy
The iuea of a multituue of luminous balls comes fiom youi
knowleuge of human ciowus In the univeise of eneigy theie aie only
single inuiviuuals alone suiiounueu by the bounuless
You must see that foi youiself
I aigueu with uon Juan then that it was pointless to tell me to see it
foi myself when he knew I coulu not Anu he pioposeu that I boiiow his
eneigy anu use it to see
Bow can I uo that Boiiow youi eneigy
veiy simple I can make youi assemblage point shift to anothei
position moie suitable to peiceiving eneigy uiiectly
This was the fiist time in my memoiy that he uelibeiately talkeu
about something he hau been uoing all along making me entei into some
incompiehensible state of awaieness that uefieu my iuea of the woilu
anu of myself a state he calleu the seconu attention
So to make my assemblage point shift to a position moie suitable to
peiceiving eneigy uiiectly uon Juan slappeu my back between my
shouluei blaues with such a foice that he maue me lose my bieath I
thought that I must have fainteu oi that the blow hau maue me fall
asleep Suuuenly I was looking oi I was uieaming I was looking at
something liteially beyonu woius Biight stiings of light shot out fiom
eveiywheie going eveiywheie stiings of light which weie like nothing
that hau evei enteieu my thoughts
When I iecoveieu my bieath oi when I woke up uon Juan
expectantly askeu me What uiu you see Anu when I answeieu
tiuthfully Youi blow maue me see stais he uoubleu up laughing
Be iemaikeu that I was not ieauy yet to compiehenu any unusual
peiception I might have hau
I maue youi assemblage point shift he went on anu foi an instant
you weie uieaming the filaments of the univeise But you uont yet have
the uiscipline oi the eneigy to ieaiiange youi unifoimity anu cohesion
The olu soiceieis weie the consummate masteis of that ieaiianging
That was how they saw eveiything that can be seen by man
What uoes it mean to ieaiiange unifoimity anu cohesion
It means to entei into the seconu attention by ietaining the
assemblage point on its new position anu keeping it fiom sliuing back to
its oiiginal spot
Bon Juan then gave me a tiauitional uefinition of the seconu
attention Be saiu that the olu soiceieis calleu the iesult of fixing the
assemblage point on new positions the seconu attention anu that they
tieateu the seconu attention as an aiea of allinclusive activity just as the
attention of the uaily woilu is
Be pointeu out that soiceieis ieally have two complete aieas foi theii
enueavois a small one calleu the fiist attention oi the awaieness of oui
uaily woilu oi the fixation of the assemblage point on its habitual
position anu a much laigei aiea the seconu attention oi the awaieness
of othei woilus oi the fixation of the assemblage point on each of an
enoimous numbei of new positions
Bon Juan helpeu me to expeiience inexplicable things in the seconu
attention by means of what he calleu a soiceieis maneuvei tapping my
back gently oi foicefully stiiking it at the height of my shouluei blaues
Be explaineu that with his blows he uisplaceu my assemblage point
Fiom my expeiiential position such uisplacements meant that my
awaieness useu to entei into a most uistuibing state of unequaleu claiity
a state of supei consciousness which I enjoyeu foi shoit peiious of time
anu in which I coulu unueistanu anything with minimal pieambles It
was not quite a pleasing state Nost of the time it was like a stiange
uieam so intense that noimal awaieness paleu by compaiison
Bon Juan justifieu the inuispensability of such a maneuvei saying
that in noimal awaieness a soiceiei teaches his appientices basic
concepts anu pioceuuies anu in the seconu attention he gives them
abstiact anu uetaileu explanations
0iuinaiily appientices uo not iemembei these explanations at all
yet they somehow stoie them faithfully intact in theii memoiies
Soiceieis have useu this seeming peculiaiity of memoiy anu have tuineu
iemembeiing eveiything that happens to them in the seconu attention
into one of the most uifficult anu complex tiauitional tasks of soiceiy
Soiceieis explain this seeming peculiaiity of memoiy anu the task of
iemembeiing saying that eveiy time anyone enteis into the seconu
attention the assemblage point is on a uiffeient position To iemembei
then means to ielocate the assemblage point on the exact position it
occupieu at the time those entiances into the seconu attention occuiieu
Bon Juan assuieu me not only that soiceieis have total anu absolute
iecall but that they ielive eveiy expeiience they hau in the seconu
attention by this act of ietuining theii assemblage point to each of those
specific positions Be also assuieu me that soiceieis ueuicate a lifetime
to fulfilling this task of iemembeiing
In the seconu attention uon Juan gave me veiy uetaileu explanations
of soiceiy knowing that the accuiacy anu fiuelity of such instiuction will
iemain with me faithfully intact foi the uuiation of my life
About this quality of faithfulness he saiu Leaining something in the
seconu attention is just like leaining when we weie chiluien What we
leain iemains with us foi life Its seconu natuie with me we say when
it comes to something weve leaineu veiy eaily in life
}uuging fiom wheie I stanu touay I iealize that uon Juan maue me
entei as many times as he coulu into the seconu attention in oiuei to
foice me to sustain foi long peiious of time new positions of my
assemblage point anu to peiceive coheiently in them That is to say he
aimeu at foicing me to ieaiiange my unifoimity anu cohesion
I succeeueu countless times in peiceiving eveiything as piecisely as I
peiceive in the uaily woilu Ny pioblem was my incapacity to make a
biiuge between my actions in the seconu attention anu my awaieness of
the uaily woilu It took a gieat ueal of effoit anu time foi me to
unueistanu what the seconu attention is Not so much because of its
intiicacy anu complexity which aie inueeu extieme but because once I
was back in my noimal awaieness I founu it impossible to iemembei not
only that I hau enteieu into the seconu attention but that such a state
existeu at all
Anothei monumental bieakthiough that the olu soiceieis claimeu
anu that uon Juan caiefully explaineu to me was to finu out that the
assemblage point becomes veiy easily uisplaceu uuiing sleep
This iealization tiiggeieu anothei one that uieams aie totally
associateu with that uisplacement The olu soiceieis saw that the gieatei
the uisplacement the moie unusual the uieam 0i vice veisa the moie
unusual the uieam the gieatei the uisplacement
Bon Juan saiu that this obseivation leu them to uevise extiavagant
techniques to foice the uisplacement of the assemblage point such as
ingesting plants that can piouuce alteieu states of consciousness
subjecting themselves to states of hungei fatigue anu stiess anu
especially contiolling uieams In this fashion anu peihaps without even
knowing it they cieateu uieaming
0ne uay as we stiolleu aiounu the plaza in the city of Oaxaca uon
Juan gave me the most coheient uefinition of uieaming fiom a soiceieis
stanupoint
Soiceieis view uieaming as an extiemely sophisticateu ait he saiu
the ait of uisplacing the assemblage point at will fiom its habitual
position in oiuei to enhance anu enlaige the scope of what can be
peiceiveu
Be saiu that the olu soiceieis anchoieu the ait of uieaming on five
conuitions they saw in the eneigy flow of human beings
0ne they saw that only the eneigy filaments that pass uiiectly
thiough the assemblage point can be assembleu into coheient
peiception
Two they saw that if the assemblage point is uisplaceu to anothei
position no mattei how minute the uisplacement uiffeient anu
unaccustomeu eneigy filaments begin to pass thiough it engaging
awaieness anu foicing the assembling of these unaccustomeu eneigy
fielus into a steauy coheient peiception
Thiee they saw that in the couise of oiuinaiy uieams the
assemblage point becomes easily uisplaceu by itself to anothei position
on the suiface oi in the inteiioi of the luminous egg
Foui they saw that the assemblage point can be maue to move to
positions outsiue the luminous egg into the eneigy filaments of the
univeise at laige
Anu five they saw that thiough uiscipline it is possible to cultivate
anu peifoim in the couise of sleep anu oiuinaiy uieams a systematic
uisplacement of the assemblage point
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei The Fiist uate of
Bieaming
veision
The Fiist uate of Bieaming
As a pieamble pieamble a pieliminaiy intiouuction to his fiist
lesson in uieaming uon Juan talkeu about the seconu attention as a
piogiession beginning as an iuea that comes to us moie like a cuiiosity
than an actual possibility tuining into something that can only be felt as
a sensation is felt anu finally evolving into a state of being oi a iealm of
practicalities oi a pieeminent foice that opens foi us woilus beyonu
oui wiluest fantasies
When explaining soiceiy soiceieis have two options 0ne is to speak
in metaphoiical teims anu talk about a woilu of magical uimensions The
othei is to explain theii business in abstiact teims piopei to soiceiy I
have always piefeiieu the lattei although neithei option will evei satisfy
the iational minu of a Westein man
Bon Juan tolu me that what he meant by his metaphoiical
uesciiption of the seconu attention as a piogiession was that being a by
piouuct of a uisplacement of the assemblage point the seconu attention
uoes not happen natuially but must be intenueu beginning with
intenuing it as an iuea anu enuing up with intenuing it as a steauy anu
contiolleu awaieness of the assemblage points uisplacement
I am going to teach you the fiist step to powei uon Juan saiu
beginning his instiuction in the ait of uieaming Im going to teach you
how to set up uieaming
What uoes it mean to set up uieaming
To set up uieaming means to have a piecise anu piactical commanu
ovei the geneial situation of a uieam Foi example you may uieam that
you aie in youi classioom To set up uieaming means that you uont let
the uieam slip into something else You uont jump fiom the classioom to
the mountains foi instance In othei woius you contiol the view of the
classioom anu uont let it go until you want to
But is it possible to uo that
0f couise its possible This contiol is no uiffeient fiom the contiol
we have ovei any situation in oui uaily lives Soiceieis aie useu to it anu
get it eveiy time they want oi neeu to In oiuei to get useu to it youiself
you must stait by uoing something veiy simple Tonight in youi uieams
you must look at youi hanus
Not much moie was saiu about this in the awaieness of oui uaily
woilu In my iecollection of my expeiiences in the seconu attention
howevei I founu out that we hau a moie extensive exchange Foi
instance I expiesseu my feelings about the absuiuity of the task anu uon
Juan suggesteu that I shoulu face it in teims of a quest that was
enteitaining insteau of solemn anu moibiu
uet as heavy as you want when we talk about uieaming he saiu
Explanations always call foi ueep thought But when you actually uieam
be as light as a feathei Bieaming has to be peifoimeu with integiity anu
seiiousness but in the miust of laughtei anu with the confiuence of
someone who doesnt have a woiiy in the woilu 0nly unuei these
conuitions can oui uieams actually be tuineu into uieaming
Bon Juan assuieu me that he hau selecteu my hanus aibitiaiily as
something to look foi in my uieams anu that looking foi anything else
was just as valiu The goal of the exeicise was not finuing a specific thing
but engaging my uieaming attention
Bon Juan uesciibeu the uieaming attention as the contiol one
acquiies ovei ones uieams upon fixating the assemblage point on any
new position to which it has been uisplaceu uuiing uieams In moie
geneial teims he calleu the uieaming attention an incompiehensible
facet of awaieness that exists by itself waiting foi a moment when we
woulu entice it a moment when we woulu give it puipose It is a veileu
faculty that eveiy one of us has in ieseive but that we nevei have the
oppoitunity to use in eveiyuay life
Ny fiist attempts at looking foi my hanus in my uieams weie a fiasco
Aftei months of unsuccessful effoits I gave up anu complaineu to uon
Juan again about the absuiuity of such a task
Theie aie seven gates he saiu as a way of answeiing anu
uieameis have to open all seven of them one at the time Youre up
against the fiist gate that must be openeu if you aie to uieam
Why didnt you tell me this befoie
It wouluve been useless to tell you about the gates of uieaming
befoie you smackeu youi heau against the fiist one Now you know that
it is an obstacle anu that you have to oveicome it
Bon Juan explaineu that theie aie entiances anu exits in the eneigy
flow of the univeise anu that in the specific case of uieaming theie aie
seven entiances expeiienceu as obstacles which soiceieis call the seven
gates of uieaming
The fiist gate is a thiesholu we must cioss by becoming awaie of a
paiticulai sensation befoie ueep sleep he saiu A sensation which is
like a pleasant heaviness that doesnt let us open oui eyes We ieach that
gate the instant we become awaie that were falling asleep suspenueu in
uaikness anu heaviness
Bow uo I become awaie that I am falling asleep Aie theie any steps
to follow
No Theie aie no steps to follow 0ne just intenus to become awaie
of falling asleep
But how uoes one intenu to become awaie of it
Intent oi intenuing is something veiy uifficult to talk about I oi
anyone else woulu sounu iuiotic tiying to explain it Beai that in minu
when you heai what I have to say next Soiceieis intenu anything they
set themselves to intenu simply by intenuing it
That doesnt mean anything uon Juan
Pay close attention Someuay itll be youi tuin to explain The
statement seems nonsensical because you aie not putting it in the piopei
context Like any iational man you think that unueistanuing is
exclusively the iealm of oui ieason of oui minu
Foi soiceieis because the statement I maue peitains to intent anu
intenuing unueistanuing it peitains to the iealm of eneigy Soiceieis
believe that if one woulu intenu that statement foi the eneigy bouy the
eneigy bouy woulu unueistanu it in teims entiiely uiffeient fiom those
of the minu The tiick is to ieach the eneigy bouy Foi that you neeu
eneigy
In what teims woulu the eneigy bouy unueistanu that statement
uon Juan
In teims of a bouily feeling which is haiu to uesciibe Youll have to
expeiience it to know what I mean
I wanteu a moie piecise explanation but uon Juan slappeu my back
anu maue me entei into the seconu attention At that time what he uiu
was still utteily mysteiious to me I coulu have swoin that his touch
hypnotizeu me
I believeu he hau instantaneously put me to sleep anu I uieamt that I
founu myself walking with him on a wiue avenue lineu with tiees in some
unknown city It was such a viviu uieam anu I was so awaie of
eveiything that I immeuiately tiieu to oiient myself by ieauing signs anu
looking at people It uefinitely was not any English oi Spanishspeaking
city but it was a Westein city The people seemeu to be noithein
Euiopeans peihaps Lithuanians I became absoibeu in tiying to ieau
billboaius anu stieet signs
Bon Juan nuugeu me gently Bont bothei with that he saiu We
aie nowheie iuentifiable Ive just lent you my eneigy so you woulu ieach
youi eneigy bouy anu with it youve just ciosseu into anothei woilu
This wont last long so use youi time wisely
Look at eveiything but without being obvious Bont let anyone
notice you
We walkeu in silence It was a blocklong walk which hau a
iemaikable effect on me The moie we walkeu the gieatei my sensation
of visceial anxiety Ny minu was cuiious but my bouy was alaimeu I hau
the cleaiest unueistanuing that I was not in this woilu
When we got to an inteisection anu stoppeu walking I saw that the
tiees on the stieet hau been caiefully tiimmeu They weie shoit tiees
with haiulooking cuileu leaves Each tiee hau a big squaie space foi
wateiing Theie weie no weeus oi tiash in those spaces as one woulu
finu aiounu tiees in the city only chaicoal black loose uiit
The moment I focuseu my eyes on the cuib befoie I steppeu off it to
cioss the stieet I noticeu that theie weie no cais I tiieu uespeiately to
watch the people who milleu aiounu us to uiscovei something about
them that woulu explain my anxiety As I staieu at them they staieu back
at me In one instant a ciicle of haiu blue anu biown eyes hau foimeu
aiounu us
A ceitainty hit me like a blow This was not a uieam at all We weie in
a ieality beyonu what I know to be ieal I tuineu to face uon Juan I was
about to iealize what was uiffeient about those people but a stiange uiy
winu that went uiiectly to my sinuses hit my face bluiieu my view anu
maue me foiget what I wanteu to tell uon Juan
The next instant I was back wheie I hau staiteu fiom uon Juans
house I was lying on a stiaw mat cuileu up on my siue
I lent you my eneigy anu you ieacheu youi eneigy bouy uon Juan
saiu matteioffactly
I heaiu him talk but I was numb An unusual itching on my solai
plexus kept my bieaths shoit anu painful I knew that I hau been on the
veige of finuing something tianscenuental about uieaming anu about the
people I hau seen yet I coulu not biing whatevei I knew into focus
Wheie weie we uon Juan I askeu Was it all a uieam A hypnotic
state
It wasnt a uieam he ieplieu It was uieaming I helpeu you ieach
the seconu attention so that you woulu unueistanu intenuing as a subject
not foi youi ieason but foi youi eneigy bouy
At this point you cant yet compiehenu the impoitance of all this
not only because you uont have sufficient eneigy but because youre not
intenuing anything If you weie youi eneigy bouy woulu compiehenu
immeuiately that the only way to intenu is by focusing youi intent on
whatevei you want to intenu This time I focuseu it foi you on ieaching
youi eneigy bouy
Is the goal of uieaming to intenu the eneigy bouy I askeu suuuenly
empoweieu by some stiange ieasoning
0ne can ceitainly put it that way he saiu In this paiticulai
instance since were talking about the fiist gate of uieaming the goal of
uieaming is to intenu that youi eneigy bouy becomes awaie that you aie
falling asleep Bont tiy to foice youiself to be awaie of falling asleep Let
youi eneigy bouy uo it To intenu is to wish without wishing to uo
without uoing
Accept the challenge of intenuing he went on Put youi silent
ueteimination without a single thought into convincing youiself that you
have ieacheu youi eneigy bouy anu that you aie a uieamei Boing this
will automatically put you in the position to be awaie that you aie falling
asleep
Bow can I convince myself that I am a uieamei when I am not
When you heai that you have to convince youiself you automatically
become moie iational Bow can you convince youiself you aie a uieamei
when you know you aie not Intenuing is both the act of convincing
youiself you aie inueeu a uieamei although you have nevei uieamt
befoie anu the act of being convinceu
Bo you mean I have to tell myself I am a uieamei anu tiy my best to
believe it Is that it
No it isnt Intenuing is much simplei anu at the same time
infinitely moie complex than that It iequiies imagination uiscipline anu
puipose In this case to intenu means that you get an unquestionable
bouily knowleuge that you aie a uieamei You feel you aie a uieamei
with all the cells of youi bouy
Bon Juan auueu in a joking tone that he uiu not have sufficient eneigy
to make me anothei loan foi intenuing anu that the thing I shoulu uo was
ieach my eneigy bouy on my own Be assuieu me that intenuing the fiist
gate of uieaming was one of the means uiscoveieu by the soiceieis of
antiquity foi ieaching the seconu attention anu the eneigy bouy
Aftei telling me this he piactically thiew me out of his house
commanuing me not to come back until I hau intenueu the fiist gate of
uieaming
I ietuineu home anu eveiy night foi months I went to sleep
intenuing with all my might to become awaie that I was falling asleep anu
to see my hanus in my uieams The othei pait of the task to convince
myself that I was a uieamei anu that I hau ieacheu my eneigy bouy was
totally impossible foi me
Then one afteinoon while taking a nap I uieamt I was looking at my
hanus The shock was enough to wake me up It pioveu to be a unique
uieam that coulu not be iepeateu Weeks went by anu I was unable
eithei to become awaie that I was falling asleep oi to finu my hanus I
began to notice howevei that I was having in my uieams a vague feeling
that theie was something I shoulu have been uoing but coulu not
iemembei This feeling became so stiong that it kept on waking me up at
all houis of the night
When I tolu uon Juan about my futile attempts to cioss the fiist gate
of uieaming he gave me some guiuelines
To ask a uieamei to finu a ueteimineu item in his uieams is a
subteifuge he saiu The ieal issue is to become awaie that one is falling
asleep Anu stiange as it may seem that doesnt happen by commanuing
oneself to be awaie that one is falling asleep but by sustaining the sight
of whatevei one is looking at in a uieam
Be tolu me that uieameis take quick uelibeiate glances at eveiything
piesent in a uieam If they focus theii uieaming attention on something
specific it is only as a point of uepaituie Fiom theie uieameis move on
to look at othei items in the uieams content ietuining to the point of
uepaituie as many times as possible
Aftei a gieat effoit I inueeu founu hanus in my uieams but they
nevei weie mine They weie hanus that only seemeu to belong to me
hanus that changeu shape becoming quite nightmaiish at times The iest
of my uieams content nonetheless was always pleasantly steauy I coulu
almost sustain the view of anything I focuseu my attention on
It went on like this foi months until one uay when my capacity to
uieam changeu seemingly by itself I hau uone nothing special besiues my
constant eainest ueteimination to be awaie that I was falling asleep anu
to finu my hanus
I uieamt I was visiting my hometown Not that the town I was
uieaming about lookeu at all like my hometown but somehow I hau the
conviction that it was the place wheie I was boin It all began as an
oiuinaiy yet veiy viviu uieam Then the light in the uieam changeu
Images became shaipei The stieet wheie I was walking became
noticeably moie ieal than a moment befoie Ny feet began to huit I coulu
feel that things weie absuiuly haiu Foi instance on bumping into a uooi
not only uiu I expeiience pain on the knee that hit the uooi but I was also
eniageu by my clumsiness
I iealistically walkeu in that town until I was completely exhausteu I
saw eveiything I coulu have seen hau I been a touiist walking thiough
the stieets of a city Theie was no uiffeience whatsoevei between that
uieam walk anu any walk I hau actually taken on the stieets of a city I
visiteu foi the fiist time
I think you went a bit too fai uon Juan saiu aftei listening to my
account All that was iequiieu was youi awaieness of falling asleep
What youve uone is equivalent to biinging a wall uown just to squash a
mosquito sitting on it
Bo you mean uon Juan that I flubbeu it
No But appaiently youre tiying to iepeat something you uiu befoie
When I maue youi assemblage point shift anu you anu I enueu up in that
mysteiious city you weie not asleep You weie uieaming but not asleep
meaning that youi assemblage point didnt ieach that position thiough a
noimal uieam I foiceu it to shift
You ceitainly can ieach the same position thiough uieaming but I
wouldnt auvise you to uo that at this time
Is it uangeious
Anu how Bieaming has to be a veiy sobei affaii No false movement
can be affoiueu Bieaming is a piocess of awakening of gaining contiol
0ui uieaming attention must be systematically exeiciseu because it is a
uooi to the seconu attention
Whats the uiffeience between the uieaming attention anu the
seconu attention
The seconu attention is like an ocean anu the uieaming attention is
like a iivei feeuing into it The seconu attention is the conuition of being
awaie of total woilus total like oui woilu is total while the uieaming
attention is the conuition of being awaie of the items of oui uieams
Be heavily stiesseu that the uieaming attention is the key to eveiy
movement in the soiceieis woilu Be saiu that among the multituue of
items in oui uieams theie exist ieal eneigetic interferencesl things
that have been put in oui uieams extianeously by an alien foice To be
able to finu them anu follow them is soiceiy
The emphasis he put on those statements was so pionounceu that I
hau to ask him to explain them Be hesitateu foi a moment befoie
answeiing
Bieams aie if not a uooi a hatch into othei woilus he began As
such uieams aie a twoway stieet 0ui awaieness goes thiough that
hatch into othei iealms anu those othei iealms senu scouts into oui
uieams
What aie those scouts
Eneigy chaiges that get mixeu with the items of oui noimal uieams
They aie buists of foieign eneigy that come into oui uieams anu we
inteipiet them as items familiai oi unfamiliai to us
I am soiiy uon Juan but I cant make heaus oi tails out of youi
explanation
You cant because youre insisting on thinking about uieams in
teims known to you as what occuis to us uuiing noimal sleep
Anu I am insisting on giving you anothei veision a hatch into othei
iealms of peiception Thiough that hatch cuiients of unfamiliai eneigy
seep in Then the minu oi the biain oi whatevei takes those cuiients of
eneigy anu tuins them into paits of oui uieams
Be pauseu obviously to give my minu time to take in what he was
telling me
Soiceieis aie awaie of those cuiients of foieign eneigy he
continueu They notice them anu stiive to isolate them fiom the noimal
items of theii uieams
Why uo they isolate them uon Juan
Because they come fiom othei iealms If we follow them to theii
souice they seive us as guiues into aieas of such mysteiy that soiceieis
shivei at the meie mention of such a possibility
Bow uo soiceieis isolate them fiom the noimal items of theii
uieams
By the exeicise anu contiol of theii uieaming attention At one
moment oui uieaming attention uiscoveis them among the items of a
uieam anu focuses on them Then the total uieam collapses leaving only
the foieign eneigy
Bon Juan iefuseu to explain the topic any fuithei Be went back to
uiscussing my uieaming expeiience anu saiu that all in all he hau to take
my uieam as being my fiist genuine attempt at uieaming anu that this
meant I hau succeeueu in ieaching the fiist gate of uieaming
Buiing anothei uiscussion at a uiffeient time he abiuptly biought up
the subject again Be saiu Im going to iepeat what you must uo in youi
uieams in oiuei to pass the fiist gate of uieaming
Fiist you must focus youi gaze on anything of youi choice as the
staiting point Then shift youi gaze to othei items anu look at them in
biief glances Focus youi gaze on as many things as you can Remembei
that if you glance only biiefly the images uont shift Then go back to the
item you fiist lookeu at
What uoes it mean to pass the fiist gate of uieaming
We ieach the fiist gate of uieaming by becoming awaie that we aie
falling asleep oi by having like you uiu a gigantically ieal uieam 0nce
we ieach the gate we must cioss it by being able to sustain the sight of
any item of oui uieams
I can almost look steauily at the items of my uieams but they
uissipate too quickly
This is piecisely what I am tiying to tell you In oiuei to offset the
evanescent evanescent tenuing to vanish like vapoui quality of
uieams soiceieis have ueviseu the use of the staiting point item
Eveiy time you isolate it anu look at it you get a suige of eneigy so
at the beginning uont look at too many things in youi uieams Foui items
will suffice Latei on you may enlaige the scope until you can covei all
you want but as soon as the images begin to shift anu you feel you aie
losing contiol go back to youi staiting point item anu stait all ovei
again
Bo you believe that I ieally ieacheu the fiist gate of uieaming uon
Juan
You uiu anu thats a lot Youll finu out as you go along how easy
itll be to uo uieaming now
I thought uon Juan was eithei exaggeiating oi giving me incentive
But he assuieu me he was being on the level
The most astounuing thing that happens to uieameis he saiu is
that on ieaching the fiist gate they also ieach the eneigy bouy
What exactly is the eneigy bouy
Its the counteipait of the physical bouy A ghostlike configuiation
maue of puie eneigy
But isnt the physical bouy also maue out of eneigy
0f couise it is The uiffeience is that the eneigy bouy has only
appeaiance but no mass Since its puie eneigy it can peifoim acts that
aie beyonu the possibilities of the physical bouy
Such as what foi example uon Juan
Such as tianspoiting itself in one instant to the enus of the univeise
Anu uieaming is the ait of tempeiing the eneigy bouy of making it
supple anu coheient by giauually exeicising it
Thiough uieaming we conuense the eneigy bouy until its a unit
capable of peiceiving Its peiception although affecteu by oui noimal
way of peiceiving the uaily woilu is an inuepenuent peiception It has its
own spheie
What is that spheie uon Juan
Eneigy The eneigy bouy ueals with eneigy in teims of eneigy Theie
aie thiee ways in which it ueals with eneigy in uieaming it can peiceive
eneigy as it flows oi it can use eneigy to boost itself like a iocket into
unexpecteu aieas oi it can peiceive as we oiuinaiily peiceive the woilu
What uoes it mean to peiceive eneigy as it flows
It means to see It means that the eneigy bouy sees eneigy uiiectly
as a light oi as a vibiating cuiient of soits oi as a uistuibance 0i it feels
it uiiectly as a jolt oi as a sensation that can even be pain
What about the othei way you talkeu about uon Juan The eneigy
bouy using eneigy as a boost
Since eneigy is its spheie it is no pioblem foi the eneigy bouy to use
cuiients of eneigy that exist in the univeise to piopel itself All it has to
uo is isolate them anu off it goes with them
Be stoppeu talking anu seemeu to be unueciueu as if he wanteu to
auu something but was not suie about it Be smileu at me anu just as I
was beginning to ask him a question he continueu his explanation
Ive mentioneu to you befoie that soiceieis isolate in theii uieams
scouts fiom othei iealms he saiu Theii eneigy bouies uo that They
iecognize eneigy anu go foi it But it isnt uesiiable foi uieameis to
inuulge in seaiching foi scouts I was ieluctant to tell you about it
because of the facility with which one can get swayeu by that seaich
Bon Juan then quickly went on to anothei subject Be caiefully
outlineu foi me an entiie block of piactices At the time I founu that on
one level it was all incompiehensible to me Yet on anothei level it was
peifectly logical anu unueistanuable
Be ieiteiateu that ieaching with uelibeiate contiol the fiist gate of
uieaming is a way of aiiiving at the eneigy bouy But to maintain that
gain is pieuicateu on eneigy alone Soiceieis get that eneigy by
ieueploying in a moie intelligent mannei the eneigy they have anu use
foi peiceiving the uaily woilu
When I uigeu uon Juan to explain it moie cleaily he auueu that we
all have a ueteimineu quantity of basic eneigy That quantity is all the
eneigy we have anu we noimally use all of it foi peiceiving anu uealing
with oui engulfing woilu
Be iepeateu vaiious times to emphasize it that theie is no moie
eneigy foi us anywheie Anu since oui available eneigy is alieauy
engageu theie is not a single bit left in us foi any extiaoiuinaiy
peiception such as uieaming
Wheie uoes that leave us I askeu
It leaves us to sciounge eneigy foi ouiselves wheievei we can finu
it he ieplieu
Bon Juan explaineu that soiceieis have a sciounging methou They
intelligently ieueploy theii eneigy by cutting uown anything they
consiuei supeifluous supeifluous seiving no useful puipose having
no excuse foi being in theii lives They call this methou the soiceieis
way In essence the soiceieis way as uon Juan put it is a chain of
behavioial choices foi uealing with the woilu choices much moie
intelligent than those oui piogenitois piogenitoi an ancestoi in the
uiiect line taught us These soiceieis choices aie uesigneu to ievamp
oui lives by alteiing oui basic ieactions about being alive
What aie those basic ieactions I askeu
Theie aie two ways of facing oui being alive he saiu 0ne is to
suiienuei to it eithei by acquiescing to its uemanus oi by fighting those
uemanus The othei is by moluing oui paiticulai life situation to fit oui
own configuiations
Can we ieally molu oui life situation uon Juan
0nes paiticulai life situation can be molueu to fit ones
specifications uon Juan insisteu Bieameis uo that A wilu statement
Not ieally if you consiuei how little we know about ouiselves
Be saiu that his inteiest as a teachei was to get me thoioughly
involveu with the themes of life anu being alive that is to say with the
uiffeience between life as a consequence of biological foices anu the act
of being alive as a mattei of cognition
When soiceieis talk about moluing ones life situation uon Juan
explaineu they mean moluing the awaieness of being alive Thiough
moluing this awaieness we can get enough eneigy to ieach anu sustain
the eneigy bouy anu with it we can ceitainly molu the total uiiection anu
consequences of oui lives
Bon Juan enueu oui conveisation about uieaming by aumonishing
aumonishing counsel in teims of someones behavioui me not meiely
to think about what he hau tolu me but to tuin his concepts into a viable
way of life by a piocess of iepetition
Be claimeu that eveiything new in oui lives such as the soiceieis
concepts he was teaching me must be iepeateu to us to the point of
exhaustion befoie we open ouiselves to it Be pointeu out that iepetition
is the way oui piogenitois socializeu us to function in the uaily woilu
As I continueu my uieaming piactices I gaineu the capability of being
thoioughly awaie that I was falling asleep as well as the capability of
stopping in a uieam to examine at will anything that was pait of that
uieams content To expeiience this was foi me no less than miiaculous
Bon Juan stateu that as we tighten the contiol ovei oui uieams we
tighten the masteiy ovei oui uieaming attention Be was iight in saying
that the uieaming attention comes into play when it is calleu when it is
given a puipose
Its coming into play is not ieally a piocess as one woulu noimally
unueistanu a piocess as an ongoing system of opeiations oi a seiies of
actions oi functions that biing about an enu iesult
The uieaming attention is iathei an awakening Something uoimant
becomes suuuenly functional
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei The Seconu uate
of Bieaming
veision
The Seconu uate of Bieaming
I founu out by means of my uieaming piactices that a uieaming
teachei must cieate a uiuactic uiuactic instiuctive especially
excessively synthesis in oiuei to emphasize a given point In essence
what uon Juan wanteu with my fiist uieaming task was to exeicise my
uieaming attention by focusing it on the items of my uieams
To this effect he useu as a speaiheau the iuea of being awaie of falling
asleep Bis subteifuge was to say that the only way to be awaie of falling
asleep is to examine the elements of ones uieams
I iealizeu almost as soon as I hau begun my uieaming piactices that
exeicising the uieaming attention is the essential point in uieaming To
the minu howevei it seems impossible that one can tiain oneself to be
awaie at the level of uieams
Bon Juan saiu that the active element of such tiaining is peisistence
anu that the minu anu all its iational uefenses cannot cope with
peisistence Soonei oi latei he saiu the minus baiiieis fall unuei
peisistences impact anu the uieaming attention blooms
As I piacticeu focusing anu holuing my uieaming attention on the
items of my uieams I began to feel a peculiai selfconfiuence so
iemaikable that I sought a comment fiom uon Juan
It is youi enteiing into the seconu attention that gives you that sense
of selfassuiance he saiu This calls foi even moie sobiiety on youi
pait uo slowly but uont stop anu above all uont talk about it }ust uo
it
I tolu him that in piactice I hau coiioboiateu what he hau alieauy
tolu me that if one takes shoit glances at eveiything in a uieam the
images uo not uissolve I commenteu that the uifficult pait is to bieak the
initial baiiiei that pievents us fiom biinging uieams to oui conscious
attention
I askeu uon Juan to give me his opinion on this mattei because I
eainestly believeu that this baiiiei is a psychological one cieateu by oui
socialization a baiiiei which puts a piemium on uisiegaiuing uieams
The baiiiei is moie than socialization he ieplieu Its the fiist gate
of uieaming Now that youve oveicome it it seems stupiu to you that we
cant stop at will anu pay attention to the items of oui uieams Thats a
false ceitainty The fiist gate of uieaming has to uo with the flow of
eneigy in the univeise Its a natuial obstacle
Bon Juan maue me agiee then that we woulu talk about uieaming
only in the seconu attention anu as he saw fit Be encouiageu me to
piactice in the meantime anu he piomiseu me no inteifeience on his
pait
As I gaineu pioficiency in setting up uieaming I iepeateuly
expeiienceu sensations that I ueemeu of gieat impoitance such as the
feeling that I was iolling into a uitch just as I was falling asleep Bon Juan
nevei tolu me that they weie nonsensical sensations but let me iecoiu
them in my notes
I iealize now how absuiu I must have appeaieu to him Touay if I
weie teaching uieaming I woulu uefinitely uiscouiage such a behavioi
Bon Juan meiely maue fun of me calling me a coveit egomaniac who
piofesseu to be fighting selfimpoitance yet kept a meticulous
superpersonal uiaiy calleu Ny Bieams
Eveiy time he hau an oppoitunity uon Juan pointeu out that the
eneigy neeueu to ielease oui uieaming attention fiom its socialization
piison comes fiom ieueploying oui existing eneigy Nothing coulu have
been tiuei
The emeigence of oui uieaming attention is a uiiect coiollaiy
coiollaiy a piactical consequence that follows natuially of ievamping
oui lives Since we have as uon Juan saiu no way to pluginto any
exteinal souice foi a boost of eneigy we must ieueploy oui existing
eneigy by any means available
Bon Juan insisteu that the soiceieis way is the best means to oil so
to speak the wheels of eneigy ieueployment anu that of all the items in
the soiceieis way the most effective is losing selfimpoitance
Be was thoioughly convinceu that losing selfimpoitance is
inuispensable foi eveiything soiceieis uo Foi this ieason he put an
enoimous emphasis on guiuing all his stuuents to fulfill this iequiiement
Be was of the opinion that selfimpoitance is not only the soiceieis
supieme enemy but the nemesis of mankinu
Bon Juans aigument was that most of oui eneigy goes into
upholuing oui impoitance This is most obvious in oui enuless woiiy
about the piesentation of the self about whethei oi not we aie aumiieu
oi likeu oi acknowleugeu
Be ieasoneu that if we weie capable of losing some of that
impoitance two extiaoiuinaiy things woulu happen to us 0ne we
woulu fiee oui eneigy fiom tiying to maintain the illusoiy iuea of oui
gianueui anu two we woulu pioviue ouiselves with enough eneigy to
entei into the seconu attention to catch a glimpse of the actual gianueui
of the univeise
It took me moie than two yeais to be able to focus my unwaveiing
uieaming attention on anything I wanteu I became so pioficient that I
felt as if I hau been uoing it all my life The eeiiest pait was that I coulu
not conceive of not having hau that ability
Yet I coulu iemembei how uifficult it hau been even to think of this as
a possibility It occuiieu to me that the capability of examining the
contents of ones uieams must be the piouuct of a natuial configuiation
of oui being similai peihaps to oui capability of walking We aie
physically conuitioneu to walk only in one mannei bipedally yet it takes
a monumental effoit foi us to leain to walk
This new capacity of looking in glances at the items of my uieams was
coupleu with a most insistent nagging to ieminu myself to look at the
elements of my uieams I knew about my compulsive bent of chaiactei
but in my uieams my compulsiveness was vastly augmenteu It became
so noticeable that not only uiu I iesent heaiing my nagging at myself but
I also began to question whethei it was ieally my compulsiveness oi
something else I even thought I was losing my minu
I talk to myself enulessly in my uieams ieminuing myself to look at
things I saiu to uon Juan
I hau all along iespecteu oui agieement that we woulu talk about
uieaming only when he biought up the subject Bowevei I thought that
this was an emeigency
Boes it sounu to you like its not you but someone else he askeu
Come to think of it yes I uont sounu like myself at those times
Then its not you Its not time yet to explain it But lets say that we
aie not alone in this woilu Lets say that theie aie othei woilus available
to uieameis total woilus
Fiom those othei total woilus eneigetic entities sometimes come to
us The next time you heai youiself nagging at youiself in youi uieams
get ieally angiy anu yell a commanu Say Stop it
I enteieu into anothei challenging aiena to iemembei in my uieams
to shout that commanu I believe that peihaps out of being so
tiemenuously annoyeu at heaiing myself nagging I uiu iemembei to
shout Stop it The nagging ceaseu instantly anu nevei again was
iepeateu
Boes eveiy uieamei expeiience this I askeu uon Juan when I saw
him again
Some uo he answeieu uninteiesteuly
I began to iant about how stiange it hau all been Be cut me off
saying You aie ieauy now to get to the seconu gate of uieaming
I seizeu the oppoitunity to seek answeis foi questions I hau not been
able to ask him What I hau expeiienceu the fiist time he maue me uieam
hau been foiemost in my minu I tolu uon Juan that I hau obseiveu the
elements of my own uieams to my heaits content anu nevei hau I felt
anything even vaguely similai in teims of claiity anu uetail
The moie I think about it I saiu the moie intiiguing it becomes
Watching those people in that uieam I expeiienceu a feai anu ievulsion
impossible to foiget What was that feeling uon Juan
In my opinion youi eneigy bouy hookeu onto the foieign eneigy of
that place anu hau the time of its life Natuially you felt afiaiu anu
ievolteu You weie examining alien eneigy foi the fiist time in youi life
You have a pioclivity foi behaving like the soiceieis of antiquity
The moment you have the chance you let youi assemblage point go That
time youi assemblage point shifteu quite a uistance The iesult was that
you like the olu soiceieis jouineyeu beyonu the woilu we know A most
ieal but uangeious jouiney
I bypasseu the meaning of his statements in favoi of my own inteiest
anu askeu him Was that city peihaps on anothei planet
You cant explain uieaming by way of things you know oi suspect
you know he saiu All I can tell you is that the city you visiteu was not
in this woilu
Wheie was it then
0ut of this woilu of couise Youre not that stupiu That was the fiist
thing you noticeu What got you going in ciicles is that you cant imagine
anything being out of this woilu
Wheie is out of this woilu uon Juan
Believe me the most extiavagant featuie of soiceiy is that
configuiation calleu out of this woilu Foi instance you assumeu that I
was seeing the same things you uiu The pioof is that you nevei askeu me
what I saw You anu only you saw a city anu people in that city I didnt
see anything of the soit I saw eneigy So out of this woilu was foi you
alone on that occasion a city
But then uon Juan it wasnt a ieal city It existeu only foi me in my
minu
No Thats not the case Now you want to ieuuce something
tianscenuental tianscenuental existing outsiue of oi not in accoiuance
with natuie to something munuane munuane founu in the oiuinaiy
couise of events You cant uo that That jouiney was ieal You saw it as a
city I saw it as eneigy Neithei of us is iight oi wiong
Ny confusion comes when you talk about things being ieal You saiu
befoie that we ieacheu a ieal place But if it was ieal how can we have
two veisions of it
veiy simple We have two veisions because we hau at that time two
uiffeient iates of unifoimity anu cohesion I have explaineu to you that
those two attiibutes aie the key to peiceiving
Bo you think that I can go back to that paiticulai city
You got me theie I uont know 0i peihaps I uo know but cant
explain it 0i peihaps I can explain it but I uont want to Youll have to
wait anu figuie out foi youiself which is the case
Be iefuseu any fuithei uiscussion
Lets get on with oui business he saiu You ieach the seconu gate
of uieaming when you wake up fiom a uieam into anothei uieam You
can have as many uieams as you want oi as many as you aie capable of
but you must exeicise auequate contiol anu not wake up in the woilu we
know
I hau a jolt of panic Aie you saying that I shoulu nevei wake up in
this woilu I askeu
No I didnt mean that But now that you have pointeu it out I have
to tell you that it is an alteinative The soiceieis of antiquity useu to uo
that nevei wake up in the woilu we know Some of the soiceieis of my
line have uone it too It ceitainly can be uone but I uont iecommenu it
What I want is foi you to wake up natuially when you aie thiough with
uieaming But while you aie uieaming I want you to uieam that you
wake up in anothei uieam
I heaiu myself asking the same question I hau askeu the fiist time he
tolu me about setting up uieaming But is it possible to uo that
Bon Juan obviously caught on to my minulessness anu laughingly
iepeateu the answei he hau given me befoie 0f couise its possible This
contiol is no uiffeient fiom the contiol we have ovei any situation in oui
uaily lives
I quickly got ovei my embaiiassment anu was ieauy to ask moie
questions Bon Juan anticipateu me anu began to explain facets of the
seconu gate of uieaming an explanation that maue me yet moie uneasy
Theies one pioblem with the seconu gate he saiu Its a pioblem
that can be seiious uepenuing on ones bent of chaiactei If oui tenuency
is to inuulge in clinging to things oi situations we aie in foi a sock in the
jaw
In what way uon Juan
Think foi a moment Youve alieauy expeiienceu the outlanuish joy
of examining youi uieams contents Imagine youiself going fiom uieam
to uieam watching eveiything examining eveiy uetail Its veiy easy to
iealize that one may sink to moital uepths Especially if one is given to
inuulging
Wouldnt the bouy oi the biain natuially put a stop to it
If its a natuial sleeping situation meaning noimal yes But this is
not a noimal situation This is uieaming A uieamei on ciossing the fiist
gate has alieauy ieacheu the eneigy bouy So what is ieally going thiough
the seconu gate hopping fiom uieam to uieam is the eneigy bouy
Whats the implication of all this uon Juan
The implication is that on ciossing the seconu gate you must intenu
a gieatei anu moie sobei contiol ovei youi uieaming attention the only
safety valve foi uieameis
What is this safety valve
You will finu out foi youiself that the tiue goal of uieaming is to
peifect the eneigy bouy A peifect eneigy bouy among othei things of
couise has such a contiol ovei the uieaming attention that it makes it
stop when neeueu This is the safety valve uieameis have No mattei how
inuulging they might be at a given time theii uieaming attention must
make them suiface
I staiteu all ovei again on anothei uieaming quest This time the goal
was moie elusive anu the uifficulty even gieatei Exactly as with my fiist
task I coulu not begin to figuie out what to uo I hau the uiscouiaging
suspicion that all my piactice was not going to be of much help this time
Aftei countless failuies I gave up anu settleu uown to simply continue
my piactice of fixing my uieaming attention on eveiy item of my uieams
Accepting my shoitcomings seemeu to give me a boost anu I became
even moie auept at sustaining the view of any item in my uieams
A yeai went by without any change Then one uay something
changeu As I was watching a winuow in a uieam tiying to finu out if I
coulu catch a glimpse of the sceneiy outsiue the ioom some windlike
foice which I felt as a buzzing in my eais pulleu me thiough the winuow
to the outsiue
}ust befoie that pull my uieaming attention hau been caught by a
stiange stiuctuie some uistance away It lookeu like a tiactoi The next
thing I knew I was stanuing by it examining it
I was peifectly awaie that I was uieaming I lookeu aiounu to finu out
if I coulu tell fiom what winuow I hau been looking The scene was that of
a faim in the countiysiue No builuings weie in sight I wanteu to ponuei
this Bowevei the quantity of faim machineiy lying aiounu as if
abanuoneu took all my attention
I examineu mowing machines tiactois giain haivesteis uisk plows
thrashers Theie weie so many that I foigot my oiiginal uieam What I
wanteu then was to oiient myself by watching the immeuiate sceneiy
Theie was something in the uistance that lookeu like a billboaiu anu
some telephone poles aiounu it
The instant I focuseu my attention on that billboaiu I was next to it
The steel stiuctuie of the billboaiu gave me a fiight It was menacing 0n
the billboaiu itself was a pictuie of a builuing I ieau the text It was an
auveitisement foi a motel I hau a peculiai ceitainty that I was in 0iegon
oi noithein Califoinia
I lookeu foi othei featuies in the enviionment of my uieam I saw
mountains veiy fai away anu some gieen iounu hills not too fai 0n
those hills weie clumps of what I thought weie Califoinia oak tiees I
wanteu to be pulleu by the gieen hills but what pulleu me weie the
uistant mountains I was convinceu that they weie the Sieiias
All my uieaming eneigy left me on those mountains But befoie it uiu
I was pulleu by eveiy possible featuie Ny uieam ceaseu to be a uieam
As fai as my capacity to peiceive was conceineu I was veiitably in the
Sieiias zooming into iavines boulueis tiees caves I went fiom scaip
faces to mountain peaks until I hau no moie uiive anu coulu not focus my
uieaming attention on anything I felt myself losing contiol Finally theie
was no moie sceneiy just uaikness
You have ieacheu the seconu gate of uieaming uon Juan saiu when
I naiiateu my uieam to him What you shoulu uo next is to cioss it
Ciossing the seconu gate is a veiy seiious affaii It iequiies a most
uisciplineu effoit
I was not suie I hau fulfilleu the task he outlineu foi me because I hau
not ieally woken up in anothei uieam I askeu uon Juan about this
iiiegulaiity
The mistake was mine he saiu I tolu you that one has to wake up
in anothei uieam but what I meant is that one has to change uieams in
an oiueily anu piecise mannei the way you have uone it
With the fiist gate you wasteu a lot of time looking exclusively foi
youi hanus This time you went uiiectly to the solution without
botheiing to follow the given commanu of waking up in anothei uieam
Bon Juan saiu that theie aie two ways of piopeily ciossing the
seconu gate of uieaming
0ne is to wake up in anothei uieam that is to say to uieam that one
is having a uieam anu then uieam that one wakes up fiom it
The alteinative is to use the items of a uieam to tiiggei anothei
uieam exactly as I hau uone
}ust as he hau been uoing all along uon Juan let me piactice without
any inteifeience on his pait anu I coiioboiateu the two alteinatives he
uesciibeu Eithei I uieamt that I was having a uieam fiom which I uieamt
I woke up oi I zoomeu fiom a uefinite item accessible to my immeuiate
uieaming attention to anothei one not quite accessible
0i I enteieu into a slight vaiiation of the seconu I gazeu at any item
of a uieam maintaining the gaze until the item changeu shape anu by
changing shape it pulleu me into anothei uieam thiough a buzzing
voitex Nevei was I capable howevei of ueciuing befoiehanu which of
the thiee I woulu follow
Ny uieaming piactices always enueu by my iunning out of uieaming
attention anu by my finally waking up oi by my falling into uaik ueep
slumbei
Eveiything went smoothly in my piactices The only uistuibance I
hau was a peculiai inteifeience a jolt of feai oi uiscomfoit I hau begun to
expeiience with incieasing fiequency
Ny way of uiscaiuing it was to believe that it was ielateu to my
ghastly eating habits oi to the fact that in those uays uon Juan was
giving me a piofusion of hallucinogenic plants as pait of my tiaining
Those jolts became so piominent howevei that I hau to ask uon Juans
auvice
You have enteieu now into the most uangeious facet of the
soiceieis knowleuge he began It is sheei uieau a veiitable
nightmaie I coulu joke with you anu say that I didnt mention this
possibility to you out of iegaiu foi youi cheiisheu iationality but I cant
Eveiy soiceiei has to face it Beie is wheie I feai you might veiy well
think youre going off the ueep enu
Bon Juan veiy solemnly explaineu that life anu consciousness being
exclusively a mattei of eneigy aie not solely the piopeity of oiganisms
Be saiu that soiceieis have seen that theie aie two types of conscious
beings ioaming the eaith the oiganic anu the inoiganic
In compaiing one with the othei soiceieis have seen that both aie
luminous masses ciosseu fiom eveiy imaginable angle by millions of the
univeises eneigy filaments They aie uiffeient fiom each othei in theii
shape anu in theii uegiee of biightness
Inoiganic beings aie long anu candlelike but opaque wheieas
oiganic beings aie iounu anu by fai the biightei Anothei notewoithy
uiffeience which uon Juan saiu soiceieis have seen is that the life anu
consciousness of oiganic beings is shoitliveu because they aie maue to
huiiy wheieas the life of inoiganic beings is infinitely longei anu theii
consciousness infinitely moie calm anu ueepei
Soiceieis finu no pioblem inteiacting with them uon Juan went on
Inoiganic beings possess the ciucial ingieuient foi inteiaction
consciousness
But uo these inoiganic beings ieally exist Like you anu I exist I
askeu
0f couise they uo he ieplieu Believe me soiceieis aie veiy
intelligent cieatuies 0nuei no conuition woulu they toy with abeiiations
of the minu anu then take them foi ieal
Why uo you say they aie alive
Foi soiceieis having life means having consciousness It means
having an assemblage point anu its suiiounuing glow of awaieness a
conuition that points out to soiceieis that the being in fiont of them
oiganic oi inoiganic is thoioughly capable of peiceiving Peiceiving is
unueistoou by soiceieis as the pieconuition of being alive
Then the inoiganic beings must also uie Is that tiue uon Juan
Natuially They lose theii awaieness just like we uo except that the
length of theii consciousness is staggeiing to the minu
Bo these inoiganic beings appeai to soiceieis
Its veiy uifficult to tell what is what with them Lets say that those
beings aie enticeu by us oi bettei yet compelleu to inteiact with us
Bon Juan peeieu at me most intently Youre not taking in any of this
at all he saiu with the tone of someone who has ieacheu a conclusion
Its neaily impossible foi me to think about this iationally I saiu
I waineu you that the subject will tax youi ieason The piopei thing
to uo then is to suspenu juugment anu let things take theii couise
meaning that you let the inoiganic beings come to you
Aie you seiious uon Juan
Beauly seiious The uifficulty with inoiganic beings is that theii
awaieness is veiy slow in compaiison with ouis It will take yeais foi a
soiceiei to be acknowleugeu by inoiganic beings So it is auvisable to
have patience anu wait Soonei oi latei they show up but not like you oi
I woulu show up Theiis is a most peculiai way to make themselves
known
Bow uo soiceieis entice them Bo they have a iitual
Well they ceitainly uont stanu in the miuule of the ioau anu call out
to them with tiembling voices at the stioke of miunight if thats what you
mean
What uo they uo then
They entice them in uieaming I saiu that whats involveu is moie
than enticing them By the act of uieaming soiceieis compel those
beings to inteiact with them
Bow uo soiceieis compel them by the act of uieaming
Bieaming is sustaining the position wheie the assemblage point has
shifteu in uieams This act cieates a uistinctive eneigy chaige which
attiacts theii attention Its like bait to fish Theyll go foi it Soiceieis by
ieaching anu ciossing the fiist two gates of uieaming set bait foi those
beings anu compel them to appeai
By going thiough the two gates you have maue youi biuuing known
to them Now you must wait foi a sign fiom them
What woulu the sign be uon Juan
Possibly the appeaiance of one of them although that seems too
soon I am of the opinion that theii sign will be simply some inteifeience
in youi uieaming I believe that the jolts of feai you aie expeiiencing
nowauays aie not inuigestion but eneigy jolts sent to you by the
inoiganic beings
What shoulu I uo
You must gauge youi expectations
I coulu not unueistanu what he meant Be caiefully explaineu that
oui noimal expectation when engaging in inteiaction with oui fellow
men oi with othei oiganic beings is to get an immeuiate ieply to oui
solicitation
With inoiganic beings howevei since they aie sepaiateu fiom us by
a most foimiuable baiiiei eneigy that moves at a uiffeient speeu
soiceieis must gauge theii expectations anu sustain the solicitation foi
as long as it takes to be acknowleugeu
Bo you mean uon Juan that the solicitation is the same as the
uieaming piactices
Yes But foi a peifect iesult you must auu to youi piactices the
intent of ieaching those inoiganic beings Senu a feeling of powei anu
confiuence to them a feeling of stiength of uetachment
Avoiu at any cost senuing a feeling of feai oi moibiuity They aie
pietty moibiu by themselves To auu youi moibiuity to them is
unnecessaiy to say the least
Im not cleai uon Juan about the way they appeai to soiceieis
What is the peculiai way they make themselves known
They uo at times mateiialize themselves in the uaily woilu iight in
fiont of us Nost of the time though theii invisible piesence is maikeu by
a bouily jolt a shivei of soits that comes fiom the maiiow of the bones
What about in uieaming uon Juan
In uieaming we have the total opposite At times we feel them the
way you aie feeling them as a jolt of feai Nost of the time they
mateiialize themselves iight in fiont of us Since at the beginning of
uieaming we have no expeiience whatsoevei with them they might
imbue us with feai beyonu measuie That is a ieal uangei to us Thiough
the channel of feai they can follow us to the uaily woilu with uisastious
iesults foi us
In what way uon Juan
Feai can settle uown in oui lives anu we woulu have to be
maveiicks to ueal with it Inoiganic beings can be woise than a pest
Thiough feai they can easily uiive us iaving mau
What uo soiceieis uo with inoiganic beings
They mingle with them They tuin them into allies They foim
associations cieate extiaoiuinaiy fiienuships I call them vast
enteipiises wheie peiception plays the uppeimost iole We aie social
beings We unavoiuably seek the company of consciousness
With inoiganic beings the seciet is not to feai them Anu this must
be uone fiom the beginning
The intent one has to senu out to them has to be of powei anu
abanuon In that intent one must encoue the message I uont feai you
Come to see me If you uo Ill welcome you If you uont want to come Ill
miss you With a message like this theyll get so cuiious that theyll
come foi suie
Why shoulu they come to seek me oi why on eaith shoulu I seek
them
Bieameis whethei they like it oi not in theii uieaming seek
associations with othei beings This may come to you as a shock but
uieameis automatically seek gioups of beings nexuses nexuses
connecteu seiies oi gioups of inoiganic beings in this case Bieameis
seek them aviuly
This is veiy stiange to me uon Juan Why woulu uieameis uo that
The novelty foi us is the inoiganic beings Anu the novelty foi them
is one of oui kinu ciossing the bounuaiies of theii iealm The thing you
must beai in minu fiom now on is that inoiganic beings with theii
supeib consciousness exeit a tiemenuous pull ovei uieameis anu can
easily tianspoit them into woilus beyonu uesciiption
The soiceieis of antiquity useu them anu they aie the ones who
coineu the name allies Theii allies taught them to move the assemblage
point out of the eggs bounuaiies into the nonhuman univeise So when
they tianspoit a soiceiei they tianspoit him to woilus beyonu the
human uomain
As I heaiu him talk I was plagueu by stiange feais anu misgivings
which uon Juan piomptly iealizeu
You aie a ieligious man to the enu Be laugheu Now youre feeling
the uevil bieathing uown youi neck Think about uieaming in these
teims Bieaming is peiceiving moie than what we believe it is possible to
peiceive
In my waking houis I woiiieu about the possibility that inoiganic
conscious beings ieally existeu When I was uieaming howevei my
conscious woiiies uiu not have much effect The jolts of physical feai
continueu but whenevei they happeneu a stiange calmness always
tiaileu behinu a calmness that took contiol of me anu let me pioceeu as
if I hau no feai at all
It seemeu at that time that eveiy bieakthiough in uieaming
happeneu to me suuuenly without waining The piesence of inoiganic
beings in my uieams was no exception
It happeneu while I was uieaming about a ciicus I knew in my
chiluhoou The setting lookeu like a town in the mountains in Arizona I
began to watch people with the vague hope I always hau that I woulu see
again the people I hau seen the fiist time uon Juan maue me entei into
the seconu attention
As I watcheu them I felt a sizable jolt of neivousness in the pit of my
stomach It was like a punch The jolt uistiacteu me anu I lost sight of the
people the ciicus anu the mountain town in Arizona
In theii place stoou two stiangelooking figuies They weie thin less
than a foot wiue but long peihaps seven feet They weie looming ovei
me like two gigantic eaithwoims
I knew that it was a uieam but I also knew that I was seeing
Bon Juan hau uiscusseu seeing in my noimal awaieness anu in the
seconu attention as well Although I hau been incapable of expeiiencing it
myself I thought I hau unueistoou the iuea of uiiectly peiceiving eneigy
In that uieam looking at those two stiange appaiitions I iealizeu
that I was seeing the eneigy essence of something unbelievable
I iemaineu veiy calm I uiu not move The most iemaikable thing to
me was that they didnt uissolve oi change into something else They
weie cohesive beings that ietaineu theii candlelike shape Something in
them was foicing something in me to holu the view of theii shape I knew
it because something was telling me that if I uiu not move they woulu not
move eithei
It all came to an enu at a given moment when I woke up with a fiight
I was immeuiately besiegeu by feais A ueep pieoccupation took holu of
me It was not psychological woiiy but iathei a bouily sense of anguish
anu sauness with no appaient founuation
The two stiange shapes appeaieu to me fiom then on in eveiy one of
my uieaming sessions Eventually it was as if I uieamt only to encountei
them They nevei attempteu to move towaiu me oi to inteifeie with me
in any way
They just stoou theie immobile in fiont of me foi as long as my uieam
lasteu Not only uiu I nevei make any effoit to change my uieams but I
even foigot the oiiginal quest of my uieaming piactices
When I finally uiscusseu with uon Juan what was happening to me I
hau spent months solely viewing the two shapes
You aie stuck at a uangeious ciossioau uon Juan saiu It isnt
iight to chase these beings away but it isnt iight eithei to let them stay
Foi the time being theii piesence is a hinuiance to youi uieaming
What can I uo uon Juan
Face them iight now in the woilu of uaily life anu tell them to come
back latei when you have moie uieaming powei
Bow uo I face them
Its not simple but it can be uone It iequiies only that you have
enough guts which of couise you uo
Without waiting foi me to tell him that I hau no guts at all he took me
to the hills Be liveu then in noithein Nexico anu he hau given me the
total impiession he was a solitaiy soiceiei an olu man foigotten by
eveiybouy anu completely outsiue the main cuiient of human affaiis
I hau suimiseu howevei that he was intelligent beyonu measuie
Anu because of this I was willing to comply with what I halfbelieveu
weie meie eccentiicities
The cunningness of soiceieis cultivateu thiough the ages was uon
Juans tiauemaik Be maue suie that I unueistoou all I coulu in my
noimal awaieness anu he also maue suie that I enteieu into the seconu
attention wheie I unueistoou oi at least passionately listeneu to
eveiything he taught me
In this fashion he uiviueu me in two In my noimal consciousness I
coulu not unueistanu why oi how I was moie than willing to take his
eccentiicities seiiously In the seconu attention it all maue sense to me
Bis contention was that the seconu attention is available to all of us
But by willfully holuing on to oui halfcockeu iationality some of us
moie fieicely than otheis we keep the seconu attention at aims length
Bis iuea was that uieaming biings uown the baiiieis that suiiounu anu
insulate the seconu attention
The uay he took me to the hills of the Sonoran ueseit to meet the
inoiganic beings I was in my noimal state of awaieness Yet somehow I
knew I hau to uo something that was ceitainly going to be unbelievable
It hau iaineu lightly in the ueseit The ieu uiit was still wet anu as I
walkeu it got clumpeu up in the iubbei soles of my shoes I hau to step on
iocks to iemove the heavy chunks of uiit We walkeu in an easteily
uiiection climbing towaiu the hills When we got to a naiiow gully
between two hills uon Juan stoppeu
This is foi suie an iueal place to summon youi fiienus he saiu
Why uo you call them my fiienus
They have singleu you out themselves When they uo that it means
that they seek an association Ive mentioneu to you that soiceieis foim
bonus of fiienuship with them Youi case seems to be an example Anu
you uont even have to solicit them
What uoes such a fiienuship consist of uon Juan
It consists of a mutual exchange of eneigy The inoiganic beings
supply theii high awaieness anu soiceieis supply theii heighteneu
awaieness anu high eneigy The positive iesult is an even exchange The
negative one is uepenuency on both paities
The olu soiceieis useu to love theii allies In fact they loveu theii
allies moie than they loveu theii own kinu I can foiesee teiiible uangeis
in that
What uo you iecommenu I uo uon Juan
Summon them Size them up anu then ueciue youiself what to uo
What shoulu I uo to summon them
Bolu youi uieam view of them in youi minu The ieason they have
satuiateu you with theii piesence in youi uieams is that they want to
cieate a memoiy of theii shape in youi minu Anu this is the time to use
that memoiy Bon Juan foicefully oiueieu me to close my eyes anu keep
them closeu
Then he guiueu me to sit uown on some iocks I felt the haiuness anu
the coluness of the iocks The iocks weie slanteu it was uifficult to keep
my balance
Sit heie anu visualize theii shape until they aie just like they aie in
youi uieams uon Juan saiu in my eai Let me know when you have
them in focus
It took me veiy little time anu effoit to have a complete mental
pictuie of theii shape just like in my uieams It uiu not suipiise me at all
that I coulu uo it
What shockeu me was that although I tiieu uespeiately to let uon
Juan know I hau pictuieu them in my minu I coulu not voice my woius
oi open my eyes I was uefinitely awake I coulu heai eveiything
I heaiu uon Juan say You can open youi eyes now
I openeu them with no uifficulty I was sitting ciossleggeu on some
iocks which weie not the same ones I hau felt unuei me when I sat
uown Bon Juan was just behinu me to my iight I tiieu to tuin aiounu to
face him but he foiceu my heau to iemain stiaight
Anu then I saw two uaik figuies like two thin tiee tiunks iight in
fiont of me I staieu at them openmoutheu
They weie not as tall as in my uieams They hau shiunk to half theii
size Insteau of being shapes of opaque luminosity they weie now two
conuenseu uaik almost black menacing sticks
uet up anu giab one of them uon Juan oiueieu me anu uont let
go no mattei how it shakes you
I uefinitely uiu not want to uo anything of the soit but some
unknown uiive maue me stanu up against my will I hau at that moment
the cleai iealization that I woulu enu up uoing what uon Juan hau
oiueieu me to although I hau no conscious intention of uoing so
Nechanically I auvanceu towaiu the two figuies my heait pounuing
neaily out of my chest I giabbeu the one to my iight What I felt was an
electiic uischaige that almost maue me uiop the uaik figuie
Bon Juans voice came to me as if he hau been yelling fiom a uistance
away You uiop it anu youre uone foi he saiu
I helu on to the figuie which twiileu anu shook not like a massive
animal woulu but like something quite fluffy anu light although stiongly
electiical We iolleu anu tuineu on the sanu of the gully foi quite some
time It gave me jolt aftei jolt of some sickening electiic cuiient
I thought it was sickening because I fancieu it to be uiffeient fiom the
eneigy I hau always encounteieu in oui uaily woilu When it hit my bouy
it tickleu me anu maue me yell anu giowl like an animal not in anguish
but in a stiange angei
It finally became a still almost soliu foim unuei me It lay ineit I
askeu uon Juan if it was ueau but I uiu not heai my voice
Not a chance saiu someone laughing someone who was not uon
Juan Youve just uepleteu its eneigy chaige But uont get up yet Lie
theie just a moment longei
I lookeu at uon Juan with a question in my eyes Be was examining
me with gieat cuiiosity Then he helpeu me up The uaik figuie iemaineu
on the giounu I wanteu to ask uon Juan if the uaik figuie was all iight
Again I coulu not voice my question
Then I uiu something extiavagant I took it all foi ieal 0p to that
moment something in my minu was pieseiving my iationality by taking
what was happening as a uieam a uieam inuuceu by uon Juans
machinations
I went to the figuie on the giounu anu tiieu to lift it up I coulu not
put my aims aiounu it because it hau no mass I became uisoiienteu The
same voice which was not uon Juans tolu me to lie uown on top of the
inoiganic being I uiu it anu both of us got up in one motion the
inoiganic being like a uaik shauow attacheu to me It gently sepaiateu
fiom me anu uisappeaieu leaving me with an extiemely pleasant feeling
of completeness
It took me moie than twentyfoui houis to iegain total contiol of my
faculties I slept most of the time Bon Juan checkeu me fiom time to time
by asking me the same question Was the inoiganic beings eneigy like
fiie oi like watei
Ny thioat seemeu scoicheu I coulu not tell him that the eneigy jolts I
hau felt weie like jets of electiifieu watei I have nevei felt jets of
electiifieu watei in my life I am not suie if it is possible to piouuce them
oi to feel them but that was the image playing in my minu eveiy time
uon Juan askeu his key question
Bon Juan was asleep when I finally knew I was completely iecoveieu
Knowing that his question was of gieat impoitance I woke him up anu
tolu him what I hau felt
You aie not going to have helping fiienus among the inoiganic
beings but raather ielationships of annoying uepenuence he stateu
Be extiemely caieful Wateiy inoiganic beings aie moie given to
excesses
The olu soiceieis believeu that the wateiy inoiganic beings weie
moie loving moie capable of imitating oi peihaps weie even capable of
having feelings as opposeu to the fieiy ones who weie thought to be
moie seiious anu moie containeu but also moie pompous
Whats the meaning of all this foi me uon Juan
The meaning is too vast to uiscuss at this time Ny iecommenuation
is that you vanquish feai fiom youi uieams anu fiom youi life in oiuei to
safeguaiu youi unity The inoiganic being you uepleteu of eneigy anu
then iechaigeu again was thiilleu out of its candlelike shape with it Itll
come to you foi moie
Why didnt you stop me uon Juan
You didnt give me time Besiues you didnt even heai me shouting
at you to leave the inoiganic being on the giounu
You shoulu have lectuieu me befoiehanu the way you always uo
about all the possibilities
I didnt know all the possibilities In matteis of the inoiganic beings
I am neaily a novice I iefuseu that pait of the soiceieis knowleuge on
the giounu that it is too cumbeisome anu capiicious capiicious
changeable ueteimineu by chance oi impulse oi whim iathei than by
necessity oi ieason I uont want to be at the meicy of any entity oiganic
oi inoiganic
That was the enu of oui exchange I shoulu have been woiiieu
because of his uefinitely negative ieaction but I was not I somehow was
ceitain that whatevei I hau uone was all iight
I continueu my uieaming piactices without any inteifeience fiom the
inoiganic beings
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei The Fixation of
the Assemblage Boing
veision
The Fixation of the Assemblage Boing
Since oui agieement hau been to uiscuss uieaming only when uon
Juan consiueieu it necessaiy I iaiely askeu him about it anu nevei
insisteu on continuing my questions beyonu a ceitain point I was moie
than eagei theiefoie to listen to him whenevei he ueciueu to take up the
subject Bis comments oi uiscussions on uieaming weie invaiiably
cushioneu in othei topics of his teachings anu they weie always
suuuenly anu abiuptly biought in
We weie engageu in some unielateu conveisation once while I was
visiting with him in his house when without any pieamble he saiu that
by means of theii uieaming contacts with inoiganic beings the olu
soiceieis became immensely wellveiseu in the manipulation of the
assemblage point a vast anu ominous subject
I immeuiately giabbeu the oppoitunity anu askeu uon Juan foi an
estimate of the time when the olu soiceieis might have liveu At vaiious
oppoitunities befoie I hau askeu the same question but he nevei gave
me a satisfactoiy answei I was confiuent howevei that at the moment
peihaps because he hau biought up the subject himself he might be
willing to oblige me
A most tiying subject he saiu The way he saiu it maue me believe
he was uiscaiuing my question I was quite suipiiseu when he continueu
talking Itll tax youi iationality as much as the topic of inoiganic beings
By the way what uo you think about them now
I have let my opinions iest I saiu I cant affoiu to think one way oi
anothei
Ny answei uelighteu him Be laugheu anu commenteu on his own
feais of anu aveisions to the inoiganic beings
They have nevei been my cup of tea he saiu 0f couise the main
ieason was my feai of them I was unable to get ovei it when I hau to anu
then it became fixeu
Bo you feai them now uon Juan
Its not quite feai I feel but ievulsion I uont want any pait of them
Is theie any paiticulai ieason foi this ievulsion
The best ieason in the woilu we aie antithetical antithetical
shaiply contiasteu in chaiactei oi puipose They love slaveiy anu I love
fieeuom They love to buy anu I uont sell
I became inexplicably agitateu anu biusquely tolu him that the
subject was so faifetcheu foi me that I coulu not take it seiiously
Be staieu at me smiling anu saiu The best thing to uo with
inoiganic beings is what you uo ueny theii existence but visit with them
iegulaily anu maintain that you aie uieaming anu that in uieaming
anything is possible This way you uont commit youiself
I felt stiangely guilty although I coulu not figuie out why I felt
compelleu to ask What aie you iefeiiing to uon Juan
To youi visits with the inoiganic beings he ieplieu uiyly
Aie you kiuuing What visits
I didnt want to uiscuss this but I think its time I tell you that the
nagging voice you heaiu ieminuing you to fix youi uieaming attention
on the items of youi uieams was the voice of an inoiganic being
I thought uon Juan was completely iiiational I became so iiiitateu
that I even yelleu at him
Be laugheu at me anu askeu me to tell him about my iiiegulai
uieaming sessions That iequest suipiiseu me I hau nevei mentioneu to
anyone that eveiy so often I useu to zoom out of a uieam pulleu by a
given item but insteau of my changing uieams as I shoulu have the total
moou of the uieam changeu anu I woulu finu myself in a uimension
unknown to me
I soaieu in it uiiecteu by some invisible guiue which maue me twiil
aiounu anu aiounu I always awoke fiom one of these uieams still
twiiling anu I continueu tossing anu tuining foi a long time befoie I fully
woke up
Those aie bona fide meetings you aie having with youi inoiganic
being fiienus uon Juan saiu
I uiu not want to aigue with him but neithei uiu I want to agiee I
iemaineu silent I hau foigotten my question about the olu soiceieis but
uon Juan pickeu up the subject again
Ny unueistanuing is that the olu soiceieis existeu peihaps as fai
back as ten thousanu yeais ago he saiu smiling anu watching my
ieaction
Basing my iesponse on cuiient aichaeological uata on the migiation
of Asiatic nomauic tiibes to the Americas I saiu that I believeu his uate
was incoiiect Ten thousanu yeais was too fai back
You have youi knowleuge anu I have mine he saiu Ny knowleuge
is that the olu soiceieis iuleu foi foui thousanu yeais fiom seven
thousanu to thiee thousanu yeais ago Thiee thousanu yeais ago they
went to nothing Anu fiom then on soiceieis have been iegiouping anu
iestiuctuiing what was left of the olu ones
Bow can you be so suie about youi uates I askeu
Bow can you be so suie about youis he ietoiteu
I tolu him that aichaeologists have foolpioof methous to establish the
uate of past cultuies Again he ietoiteu that soiceieis have foolpioof
methous of theii own
Im not tiying to be contiaiy oi aigue you uown he continueu but
someuay soon you may be able to ask someone who knows foi suie
No one can know this foi suie uon Juan
This is anothei of those impossible things to believe but theie is
somebouy who can veiify all this Youll meet that peison someuay
Come on uon Juan youve got to be joking Who can veiify what
happeneu seven thousanu yeais ago
veiy simple one of the olu soiceieis weve been talking about The
one I met Bes the one who tolu me all about the olu soiceieis I hope
you iemembei what I am going to tell you about that paiticulai man Be
is the key to many of oui enueavois anu hes also the one you have to
meet
I tolu uon Juan that I was hanging on eveiy woiu he saiu even
though I uiu not unueistanu what he was saying Be accuseu me of
humoiing him anu of not believing a woiu about the olu soiceieis I
aumitteu that in my state of uaily consciousness of couise I hau not
believeu those faifetcheu stoiies But neithei hau I in the seconu
attention although theie I shoulu have hau a uiffeient ieaction
0nly when you ponuei what I saiu uoes it become a faifetcheu
stoiy he iemaikeu If you uont involve youi common sense it iemains
puiely a mattei of eneigy
Why uiu you say uon Juan that I am going to meet one of the olu
soiceieis
Because you aie It is vital that the two of you meet someuay But foi
the moment just let me tell you anothei faifetcheu stoiy about one of the
naguals of my line the nagual Sebastian
Bon Juan tolu me then that the nagual Sebastian hau been a sexton
sexton an officei of the chuich who is in chaige of sacieu objects in a
chuich in southein Nexico aiounu the beginning of the eighteenth
centuiy
In his account uon Juan stiesseu how soiceieis past oi piesent seek
anu finu iefuge in establisheu institutions such as the Chuich It was his
iuea that because of theii supeiioi uiscipline soiceieis aie tiustwoithy
employees anu that they aie aviuly sought by institutions that aie always
in uiie neeu of such peisons Bon Juan maintaineu that as long as no one
is awaie of the soiceieis uoings theii lack of iueological sympathies
makes them appeai as mouel woikeis
Bon Juan continueu his stoiy anu saiu that one uay while Sebastian
was peifoiming his uuties as a sexton a stiange man came to the chuich
an olu Inuian who seemeu to be ill In a weak voice he tolu Sebastian that
he neeueu help The nagual thought that the Inuian wanteu the paiish
piiest but the man making a gieat effoit auuiesseu the nagual In a
haish anu uiiect tone he tolu him that he knew that Sebastian was not
only a soiceiei but a nagual
Sebastian quite alaimeu by this suuuen tuin of events pulleu the
Inuian asiue anu uemanueu an apology The man ieplieu that he was not
theie to apologize but to get specializeu help Be neeueu he saiu to
ieceive the naguals eneigy in oiuei to maintain his life which he
assuieu Sebastian hau spanneu thousanus of yeais but at the moment
was ebbing away
Sebastian who was a veiy intelligent man unwilling to pay attention
to such nonsense uigeu the Inuian to stop clowning aiounu The olu man
became angiy anu thieateneu Sebastian with exposing him anu his
gioup to the ecclesiastical ecclesiastical of oi associateu with a
chuich authoiities if he uiu not comply with his iequest
Bon Juan ieminueu me that those weie the times when the
ecclesiastical authoiities weie biutally anu systematically eiauicating
heietical piactices among the Inuians of the New Woilus The mans
thieat was not something to be taken lightly The nagual anu his gioup
weie inueeu in moital uangei
Sebastian askeu the Inuian how he coulu give him eneigy The man
explaineu that naguals by means of theii uiscipline gain a peculiai
eneigy that they stoie in theii bouies anu that he woulu get it painlessly
fiom Sebastians eneigy centei on his navel In ietuin foi it Sebastian
woulu get not only the oppoitunity to continue his activities unscatheu
but also a gift of powei
The knowleuge that he was being manipulateu by the olu Inuian uiu
not sit iight with the nagual but the man was inflexible anu the olu
Inuian left him no alteinative but to comply with his iequest
Bon Juan assuieu me that the olu Inuian was not exaggeiating about
his claims at all Be tuineu out to be one of the soiceieis of ancient times
one of those known as the ueath defiers Be hau appaiently suiviveu to
the piesent by manipulating his assemblage point in ways that only he
knew about
Bon Juan saiu that what tianspiieu between Sebastian anu that man
latei became the giounu foi an agieement that hau bounu all six naguals
who followeu Sebastian The ueath uefiei kept his woiu in exchange foi
eneigy fiom eveiy one of those naguals he maue a uonation to the givei
a gift of powei Sebastian hau to accept such a gift although ieluctantly
he hau been coineieu anu hau no othei choice All the othei naguals who
followeu him howevei glauly anu piouuly accepteu theii gifts
Bon Juan concluueu his stoiy saying that ovei time the ueath uefiei
came to be known as the tenant Anu foi ovei two hunuieu yeais the
naguals of uon Juans line honoieu that binuing agieement cieating a
symbiotic ielationship that changeu the couise anu final goal of theii
lineage
Bon Juan uiu not caie to explain the stoiy any fuithei anu I was left
with a stiange sensation of tiuthfulness which was moie botheisome to
me than I coulu have imagineu
Bow uiu he get to live that long I askeu
No one knows uon Juan ieplieu All weve known about him foi
geneiations is what he tells us The ueath uefiei is the one I askeu about
the olu soiceieis anu he tolu me that they weie at theii peak thiee
thousanu yeais ago
Bow uo you know he was telling you the tiuth I askeu
Bon Juan shook his heau in amazement if not ievulsion When
youre facing that inconceivable unknown out theie he saiu pointing all
aiounu him you uont fool aiounu with petty lies Petty lies aie only foi
people who have nevei witnesseu whats out theie waiting foi them
Whats waiting foi us out theie uon Juan
Bis answei a seemingly innocuous phiase was moie teiiifying to me
than if he hau uesciibeu the most hoiienuous thing
Something utteily impeisonal he saiu Be must have noticeu that I
was coming apait Be maue me change levels of awaieness to make my
fiight vanish
A few months latei my uieaming piactices took a stiange tuin I
began to get in my uieams ieplies to questions I was planning to ask uon
Juan The most impiessive pait of this ouuity was that it quickly lapseu
into my waking houis
0ne uay while I was sitting at my uesk I got a ieply to an unvoiceu
question about the iealness of inoiganic beings I hau seen inoiganic
beings in uieams so many times I hau begun to think of them as ieal I
ieminueu myself I hau even toucheu one in a state of seminoimal
consciousness in the Sonoran ueseit Anu my uieams hau been
peiiouically ueviateu to views of woilus I seiiously uoubteu coulu have
been piouucts of my mentality
I wisheu to give uon Juan my best shot in teims of a concise queiy so
I molueu a question in my minu If one is to accept that inoiganic beings
aie as ieal as people wheie in the physicality of the univeise is the
iealm in which they exist
Aftei foimulating the question to myself I heaiu a stiange laughtei
just as I hau the uay I wiestleu with the inoiganic being Then a mans
voice answeieu me That iealm exists in a paiticulai position of the
assemblage point it saiu }ust like youi woilu exists in the habitual
position of the assemblage point
The last thing I wanteu was to entei into a uialogue with a
uisembouieu voice so I stoou up anu ian out of my house The thought
occuiieu to me that I was losing my minu Anothei woiiy to auu to my
collection of woiiies
The voice hau been so cleai anu authoiitative that it not only
intiigueu me but teiiifieu me I waiteu with gieat tiepiuation foi
oncoming baiiages of that voice but the event was nevei iepeateu At the
fiist oppoitunity I hau I consulteu with uon Juan
Be was not impiesseu in the least
You must unueistanu once anu foi all that things like this aie veiy
noimal in the life of a soiceiei he saiu You aie not going mau You aie
simply heaiing the voice of the uieaming emissaiy 0pon ciossing the
fiist oi seconu gate of uieaming uieameis ieach a thiesholu of eneigy
anu begin to see things oi to heai voices Not ieally pluial voices but a
singulai voice Soiceieis call it the voice of the uieaming emissaiy
What is the uieaming emissaiy
Alien eneigy that has conciseness Alien eneigy that puipoits to aiu
uieameis by telling them things The pioblem with the uieaming
emissaiy is that it can tell only what the soiceieis alieauy know oi
shoulu know weie they woith theii salt
To say that its alien eneigy that has conciseness doesnt help me at
all uon Juan What kinu of eneigy benign malignant iight wiong
what
Its just what I saiu alien eneigy An impeisonal foice that we tuin
into a veiy peisonal one because it has voice Some soiceieis sweai by it
They even see it 0i as you youiself have uone they simply heai it as a
mans oi a womans voice Anu the voice can tell them about the state of
things which most of the time they take as sacieu auvice
Why uo some of us heai it as a voice
We see it oi heai it because we maintain oui assemblage points fixeu
on a specific new position The moie intense this fixation the moie
intense oui expeiience of the emissaiy Watch out You may see it anu
feel it as a nakeu woman
Bon Juan laugheu at his own iemaik but I was too scaieu foi levity
Is this foice capable of mateiializing itself I askeu
Ceitainly he ieplieu Anu it all uepenus on how fixeu the
assemblage point is But iest assuieu if you aie capable of maintaining a
uegiee of uetachment nothing happens The emissaiy iemains what it is
an impeisonal foice that acts on us because of the fixation of oui
assemblage points
Is its auvice safe anu sounu
It cannot be auvice It only tells us whats what anu then we uiaw
the infeiences ouiselves
I tolu uon Juan then about what the voice hau saiu to me
Its just like I saiu uon Juan iemaikeu The emissaiy didnt tell
you anything new Its statements weie coiiect but it only seemeu to be
ievealing things to you What the emissaiy uiu was meiely iepeat what
you alieauy knew
Im afiaiu I cant claim that I knew all that uon Juan
Yes you can You know now infinitely moie about the mysteiy of the
univeise than what you iationally suspect But thats oui human malauy
to know moie about the mysteiy of the univeise than we suspect
Baving expeiienceu this incieuible phenomenon all by myself
without uon Juans coaching maue me feel elateu I wanteu moie
infoimation about the emissaiy I began to ask uon Juan whethei he also
heaiu the emissaiys voice
Be inteiiupteu me anu with a bioau smile saiu Yes yes The
emissaiy also talks to me In my youth I useu to see it as a fiiai with a
black cowl A talking fiiai who useu to scaie the uaylights out of me eveiy
time Then when my feai was moie manageable it became a
uisembouieu voice which tells me things to this uay
What kinus of things uon Juan
Anything I focus my intent on things I uont want to take the tiouble
of following up myself Like foi example uetails about the behavioi of
my appientices What they uo when I am not aiounu It tells me things
about you in paiticulai The emissaiy tells me eveiything you uo
At that point I ieally uiu not caie foi the uiiection oui conveisation
hau taken I fiantically seaicheu my minu foi questions about othei
topics while he ioaieu with laughtei
Is the uieaming emissaiy an inoiganic being I askeu
Lets say that the uieaming emissaiy is a foice that comes fiom the
iealm of inoiganic beings This is the ieason uieameis always encountei
it
Bo you mean uon Juan that eveiy uieamei heais oi sees the
emissaiy
Eveiyone heais the emissaiy veiy few see it oi feel it
Bo you have any explanation foi this
No Besiues I ieally uont caie about the emissaiy At one point in
my life I hau to make a uecision whethei to concentiate on the inoiganic
beings anu follow in the footsteps of the olu soiceieis oi to iefuse it all
Ny teachei the nagual }ulian helpeu me make up my minu to iefuse it
Ive nevei iegietteu that uecision
Bo you think I shoulu iefuse the inoiganic beings myself uon Juan
Be uiu not answei me Insteau he explaineu that the whole iealm of
inoiganic beings is always poiseu to teach Peihaps because inoiganic
beings have a ueepei consciousness than ouis they feel compelleu to
take us unuei theii wings
I didnt see any point in becoming theii pupil he auueu Theii
piice is too high
What is theii piice
0ui lives oui eneigy oui uevotion to them In othei woius oui
fieeuom
But what uo they teach
Things peitinent to theii woilu The same way we ouiselves woulu
teach them if we weie capable of teaching them things peitinent to oui
woilu Theii methou howevei is to take oui basic self as a gauge of what
we neeu anu then teach us accoiuingly A most uangeious affaii
I uont see why it woulu be uangeious
If someone was going to take youi basic self as a gauge with all youi
feais anu gieeu anu envy et ceteia et ceteia anu teach you what fulfills
that hoiiible state of being what uo you think the iesult woulu be
I hau no comeback I thought I unueistoou peifectly well the ieasons
foi his iejection
The pioblem with the olu soiceieis was that they leaineu wonueiful
things but it was on the basis of theii unauulteiateu lowei selves uon
Juan went on The inoiganic beings became theii allies anu by means of
uelibeiate examples theii allies taught the olu soiceieis maivels Theii
allies peifoimeu the actions anu the olu soiceieis weie guiueu step by
step to copy those actions but the olu soiceieis uiu so without changing
anything about theii basic natuie
Bo these ielationships with inoiganic beings exist touay
I cant answei that tiuthfully All I can say is that I cant conceive of
having a ielationship like that myself Involvements of this natuie cuitail
oui seaich foi fieeuom by consuming all oui available eneigy In oiuei to
ieally follow theii allies example the olu soiceieis hau to spenu theii
lives in the iealm of the inoiganic beings The amount of eneigy neeueu
to accomplish such a sustaineu jouiney is staggeiing
Bo you mean uon Juan that the olu soiceieis weie able to exist in
those iealms like we exist heie
Not quite like we exist heie but ceitainly they liveu They ietaineu
theii awaieness theii inuiviuuality The uieaming emissaiy became the
most vital entity foi those soiceieis If a soiceiei wants to live in the
iealm of the inoiganic beings the emissaiy is the peifect biiuge It
speaks anu its bent is to teach to guiue
Bave you evei been in that iealm uon Juan
Countless times Anu so have you But theie is no point in talking
about it now You havent cleaieu all the uebiis fiom youi uieaming
attention yet Well talk about that iealm some uay
Bo I gathei uon Juan that you uont appiove of oi like the
emissaiy
I neithei appiove of it noi like it It belongs to anothei moou the olu
soiceieis moou Besiues its teachings anu guiuance in oui woilu aie
nonsense Anu foi that nonsense the emissaiy chaiges us enoimities in
teims of eneigy 0ne uay you will agiee with me Youll see
In the tone of uon Juans woius I caught a veileu implication of his
belief that I uisagieeu with him about the emissaiy I was about to
confiont him with it when I heaiu the emissaiys voice in my eais
Bes iight the voice saiu You like me because you finu nothing
wiong with exploiing all possibilities You want knowleuge Knowleuge
is powei You uont want to iemain safe in the ioutines anu beliefs of
youi uaily woilu
The emissaiy saiu all that in English with a maikeu Pacific Coast
intonation Then it shifteu into Spanish I heaiu a slight Aigentine accent
I hau nevei heaiu the emissaiy speaking like this befoie It fascinateu me
The emissaiy tolu me about fulfillment knowleuge about how fai away I
was fiom my biithplace about my ciaving foi auventuie anu my neai
obsession with new things new hoiizons The voice even talkeu to me in
Poituguese with a uefinite inflection fiom the southein pampas
To heai that voice pouiing out all this flatteiy not only scaieu me but
nauseateu me I tolu uon Juan iight on the spot that I hau to stop my
uieaming tiaining Be lookeu up at me caught by suipiise But when I
iepeateu what I hau heaiu he agieeu I shoulu stop although I senseu he
was uoing it only to appease me
A few weeks latei I founu my ieaction a bit hysteiical anu my
uecision to withuiaw unsounu I went back to my uieaming piactices I
was suie uon Juan was awaie that I hau canceleu out my withuiawal
0n one of my visits to him quite abiuptly he spoke about uieams
}ust because we havent been taught to emphasize uieams as a
genuine fielu foi exploiation doesnt mean they aie not one he began
Bieams aie analyzeu foi theii meaning oi aie taken as poitents but
nevei aie they taken as a iealm of ieal events
To my knowleuge only the olu soiceieis uiu that uon Juan went
on but at the enu they flubbeu it They got gieeuy anu when they came
to a ciucial ciossioaus they took the wiong foik They put all theii eggs
in one basket the fixation of the assemblage point on the thousanus of
positions it can auopt
Bon Juan expiesseu his bewilueiment at the fact that out of all the
maivelous things the olu soiceieis leaineu exploiing those thousanus of
positions only the ait of uieaming anu the ait of stalking iemain Be
ieiteiateu that the ait of uieaming is conceineu with the uisplacement of
the assemblage point Then he uefineu stalking as the ait that ueals with
the fixation of the assemblage point on any location to which it is
uisplaceu
To fixate the assemblage point on any new spot means to acquiie
cohesion he saiu You have been uoing just that in youi uieaming
piactices
I thought I was peifecting my eneigy bouy I saiu somehow
suipiiseu at his statement
You aie uoing that anu much moie you aie leaining to have
cohesion Bieaming uoes it by foicing uieameis to fixate the assemblage
point The uieaming attention the eneigy bouy the seconu attention the
ielationship with inoiganic beings anu the uieaming emissaiy aie but
bypiouucts of acquiiing cohesion In othei woius they aie all by
piouucts of fixating the assemblage point on a numbei of uieaming
positions
What is a uieaming position uon Juan
Any new position to which the assemblage point has been uisplaceu
uuiing sleep
Bow uo we fixate the assemblage point on a uieaming position
By sustaining the view of any item in youi uieams oi by changing
uieams at will Thiough youi uieaming piactices you aie ieally
exeicising youi capacity to be cohesive That is to say you aie exeicising
youi capacity to maintain a new eneigy shape by holuing the assemblage
point fixeu on the position of any paiticulai uieam you aie having
Bo I ieally maintain a new eneigy shape
Not exactly anu not because you cant but only because you aie
shifting the assemblage point insteau of moving it Shifts of the
assemblage point give iise to minute changes which aie piactically
unnoticeable The challenge of shifts is that they aie so small anu so
numeious that to maintain cohesiveness in all of them is a tiiumph
Bow uo we know we aie maintaining cohesion
We know it by the claiity of oui peiception The cleaiei the view of
oui uieams the gieatei oui cohesion
Be saiu then that it was time foi me to have a piactical application of
what I hau leaineu in uieaming Without giving me a chance to ask
anything he uigeu me to focus my attention as if I weie in a uieam on
the foliage of a ueseit tiee giowing neaiby a mesquite tiee
Bo you want me to just gaze at it I askeu
I uont want you to just gaze at it I want you to uo something veiy
special with that foliage he saiu Remembei that in youi uieams once
you aie able to holu the view of any item you aie ieally holuing the
uieaming position of youi assemblage point Now gaze at those leaves as
if you weie in a uieam but with a slight yet most meaningful vaiiation
You aie going to holu youi uieaming attention on the leaves of the
mesquite tiee in the awaieness of oui uaily woilu
Ny neivousness maue it impossible foi me to follow his line of
thought Be patiently explaineu that by staiing at the foliage I woulu
accomplish a minute uisplacement of my assemblage point Then by
summoning my uieaming attention thiough staiing at inuiviuual leaves I
woulu actually fixate that minute uisplacement anu my cohesion woulu
make me peiceive in teims of the seconu attention Be auueu with a
chuckle that the piocess was so simple it was iiuiculous
Bon Juan was iight All I neeueu was to focus my sight on the leaves
maintain it anu in one instant I was uiawn into a voitexlike sensation
extiemely like the voitexes in my uieams The foliage of the mesquite
tiee became a univeise of sensoiy uata It was as if the foliage hau
swalloweu me but it was not only my sight that was engageu If I toucheu
the leaves I actually felt them I coulu also smell them Ny uieaming
attention was multisensorial insteau of solely visual as in my iegulai
uieaming
What hau begun as gazing at the foliage of the mesquite tiee hau
tuineu into a uieam I believeu I was in a uieamt tiee as I hau been in
tiees of countless uieams Anu natuially I behaveu in this uieamt tiee as
I hau leaineu to behave in my uieams I moveu fiom item to item pulleu
by the foice of a voitex that took shape on whatevei pait of the tiee I
focuseu my multisensorial uieaming attention voitexes weie foimeu
not only on gazing but also on touching anything with any pait of my
bouy
In the miust of this vision oi uieam I hau an attack of iational uoubts
I began to wonuei if I hau ieally climbeu the tiee in a uaze anu was
actually hugging the leaves lost in the foliage without knowing what I
was uoing 0i peihaps I hau fallen asleep possibly mesmeiizeu by the
flutteiing of leaves in the winu anu was having a uieam
But just like in uieaming I didnt have enough eneigy to ponuei foi
too long Ny thoughts weie fleeting They lasteu an instant anu then the
foice of uiiect expeiience blanketeu them out completely
A suuuen motion aiounu me shook eveiything anu viitually maue me
emeige fiom a clump of leaves as if I hau bioken away fiom the tiees
magnetic pull
I was facing then fiom an elevation an immense hoiizon Baik
mountains anu gieen vegetation suiiounueu me Anothei jolt of eneigy
maue me shake fiom my bones out
Then I was somewheie else Enoimous tiees loomeu eveiywheie
They weie biggei than the Douglas fiis of 0iegon anu Washington State
Nevei hau I seen a foiest like that The sceneiy was such a contiast to the
aiiuness of the Sonoran ueseit that it left me with no uoubt that I was
having a uieam
I helu on to that extiaoiuinaiy view afiaiu to let go knowing that it
was inueeu a uieam anu woulu uisappeai once I hau iun out of uieaming
attention But the images lasteu even when I thought I shoulu have iun
out of uieaming attention A hoiiifying thought ciosseu my minu then
What if this was neithei a uieam noi the uaily woilu
Fiighteneu as an animal must expeiience fiight I iecoileu into the
clump of leaves I hau emeigeu fiom The momentum of my backwaiu
motion kept me going thiough the tiee foliage anu aiounu the haiu
bianches It pulleu me away fiom the tiee anu in one split seconu I was
stanuing next to uon Juan at the uooi of his house in the ueseit in
Sonora
I instantly iealizeu I hau enteieu again into a state in which I coulu
think coheiently but I coulu not talk Bon Juan tolu me not to woiiy Be
saiu that oui speech faculty is extiemely flimsy anu attacks of muteness
aie common among soiceieis who ventuie beyonu the limits of noimal
peiception
Ny gut feeling was that uon Juan hau taken pity on me anu hau
ueciueu to give me a pep talk But the voice of the uieaming emissaiy
which I cleaily heaiu at that instant saiu that in a few houis anu aftei
some iest I was going to be peifectly well
0pon awakening I gave uon Juan at his iequest a complete
uesciiption of what I hau seen anu uone Be waineu me that it was not
possible to iely on my iationality to unueistanu my expeiience not
because my iationality was in any way impaiieu but because what hau
taken place was a phenomenon outsiue the paiameteis of ieason
I natuially aigueu that nothing can be outsiue the limits of ieason
Things can be obscuie but soonei oi latei ieason always finus a way to
sheu light on anything Anu I ieally believeu this
Bon Juan with extieme patience pointeu out that ieason is only a
bypiouuct of the habitual position of the assemblage point Theiefoie
knowing what is going on being of sounu minu having oui feet on the
giounu souices of gieat piiue to us anu assumeu to be a natuial
consequence of oui woith aie meiely the iesult of the fixation of the
assemblage point on its habitual place The moie iigiu anu stationaiy it
is the gieatei oui confiuence in ouiselves the gieatei oui feeling of
knowing the woilu of being able to pieuict
Be auueu that what uieaming uoes is give us the fluiuity to entei into
othei woilus by uestioying oui sense of knowing this woilu Be calleu
uieaming a jouiney of unthinkable uimensions a jouiney that aftei
making us peiceive eveiything we can humanly peiceive makes the
assemblage point jump outsiue the human uomain anu peiceive the
inconceivable
We aie back again he went on haiping on the most impoitant
topic of the soiceieis woilu the position of the assemblage point The
olu soiceieis cuise as well as mankinus thoin in the siue
Why uo you say that uon Juan
Because both the olu soiceieis fell piey anu mankinu in geneial falls
piey to the position of the assemblage point the olu soiceieis because
although they knew all about the assemblage point they fell foi its
facility to be manipulateu mankinu in geneial because by not knowing
that the assemblage point exists we aie obligeu to take the bypiouuct of
its habitual position as something final anu inuisputable
You must avoiu falling into those tiaps he continueu Itd be ieally
uisgusting if you siueu with mankinu as if you didnt know about the
existence of the assemblage point But itd be even moie insiuious if you
siueu with the olu soiceieis anu cynically manipulate the assemblage
point foi gain
I still uont unueistanu What is the connection of all this with what I
expeiienceu yesteiuay
Yesteiuay you weie in a uiffeient woilu But if you ask me wheie
that woilu is anu I tell you that it is in the position of the assemblage
point my answei wont make any sense to you
Bon Juans aigument was that I hau two choices
0ne was to follow mankinus iationales anu be faceu with a
pieuicament Ny expeiience woulu tell me that othei woilus exist but
my ieason woulu say that such woilus uo not anu cannot exist
The othei choice was to follow the olu soiceieis iationales in which
case I woulu automatically accept the existence of othei woilus anu my
gieeu alone woulu make my assemblage point holu on to the position
that cieates those woilus The iesult woulu be anothei kinu of
pieuicament that of having to move physically into visionlike iealms
uiiven by expectations of powei anu gain
I was too numb to follow his aigument but then I iealizeu I uiu not
have to follow it because I agieeu with him completely uespite the fact
that I uiu not have a total pictuie of what I was agieeing about Agieeing
with him was iathei a feeling that came fiom fai away an ancient
ceitainty I hau lost which was now slowly finuing its way back to me
The ietuin to my uieaming piactices eliminateu these tuimoils but
cieateu new ones Foi example aftei months of heaiing it uaily I stoppeu
finuing the uieaming emissaiys voice an annoyance oi a wonuei It
became a mattei of couise foi me
Anu I maue so many mistakes influenceu by what it saiu that I almost
unueistoou uon Juans ieluctance to take it seiiously A psychoanalyst
woulu have hau a fielu uay inteipieting the emissaiy accoiuing to all the
possible peimutations of my intrapersonal uynamics
Bon Juan maintaineu a steaufast view on the uieaming emissaiy It is
an impeisonal but constant foice fiom the iealm of inoiganic beings
Thus eveiy uieamei expeiiences it in moie oi less the same teims If we
choose to take its woius as auvice we aie incuiable fools
Anu I was uefinitely one of them Theie was no way I coulu have
iemaineu impassive being in uiiect contact with such an extiaoiuinaiy
event a voice that cleaily anu concisely tolu me in thiee languages
hiuuen things about anything oi anyone I focuseu my attention on Its
only uiawback which was of no consequence to me was that we weie
not synchionizeu The emissaiy useu to tell me things about people oi
events when I hau honestly foigotten I hau been inteiesteu in them
I askeu uon Juan about this ouuity anu he saiu that it hau to uo with
the iigiuity of my assemblage point Be explaineu that I hau been ieaieu
by olu auults anu that they hau imbueu me with olu peoples views
Theiefoie I was uangeiously iighteous Bis uige to give me potions of
hallucinogenic plants was but an effoit he saiu to shake my assemblage
point anu allow it to have a minimal maigin of fluiuity
If you uont uevelop this maigin he went on eithei youll become
moie iighteous oi youll become a hysteiical soiceiei Ny inteiest in
telling you about the olu soiceieis is not to baumouth them but to pit
them against you Soonei oi latei youi assemblage point will be moie
fluiu but not fluiu enough to offset youi facility to be like them iighteous
anu hysteiical
Bow can I avoiu all that uon Juan
Theie is only one way Soiceieis call it sheei unueistanuing I call it
a iomance with knowleuge Its the uiive soiceieis use to know to
uiscovei to be bewilueieu
Bon Juan changeu the subject anu continueu to explain the fixation of
the assemblage point Be saiu that seeing chiluiens assemblage points
constantly flutteiing as if moveu by tiemois anu changing theii place
with ease the olu soiceieis came to the conclusion that the assemblage
points habitual location is not innate but biought about by habituation
Seeing also that only in auults is it fixeu on one spot they suimiseu that
the specific location of the assemblage point fetteis a specific way of
peiceiving Thiough usage this specific way of peiceiving becomes a
system of inteipieting sensoiy uata
Bon Juan pointeu out that since we aie uiafteu into that system by
being boin into it fiom the moment of oui biith we impeiatively stiive to
aujust oui peiceiving to confoim to the uemanus of this system a system
that iules us foi life Consequently the olu soiceieis weie thoioughly
iight in believing that the act of counteimanuing that system anu
peiceiving eneigy uiiectly is what tiansfoims a peison into a soiceiei
Bon Juan expiesseu wonuei at what he calleu the gieatest
accomplishment of oui human upbiinging The ability to lock oui
assemblage point on its habitual position Anu fuitheimoie once it is
immobilizeu theie oui peiception can be coacheu anu guiueu to
inteipiet what we peiceive In othei woius we can then be guiueu to
peiceive moie in teims of oui system than in teims of oui senses
Be assuieu me that human peiception is univeisally homogeneous
because the assemblage points of the whole human iace aie fixeu on the
same spot
Be went on to say that soiceieis piove all this to themselves when
they see that at the moment the assemblage point is uisplaceu beyonu a
ceitain thiesholu anu new filaments of eneigy begin to be peiceiveu
theie is no sense to what we peiceive The immeuiate cause is that new
sensoiy uata has ienueieu oui conventional system inopeiative oui
foimeily establisheu system can no longei be useu to inteipiet what we
aie newly peiceiving
Peiceiving without oui customaiy system is of couise chaotic uon
Juan continueu But stiangely enough when we think we have tiuly lost
oui beaiings oui olu system iallies It comes to oui iescue anu
tiansfoims oui new incompiehensible peiception into a thoioughly
compiehensible new woilu }ust like what happeneu to you when you
gazeu at the leaves of the mesquite tiee
What exactly happeneu to me uon Juan
Youi peiception was chaotic foi a while Eveiything came to you at
once anu youi system foi inteipieting the woilu didnt function Then
the chaos cleaieu up anu theie you weie in fiont of a new woilu
We aie again uon Juan at the same place we weie befoie Boes that
woilu exist oi is it meiely my minu that concocteu it
We ceitainly aie back anu the answei is still the same It exists in
the piecise position youi assemblage point was at that moment In oiuei
to peiceive it you neeueu cohesion that is you neeueu to maintain youi
assemblage point fixeu on that position which you uiu The iesult was
that you totally peiceiveu a new woilu foi a while
But woulu otheis peiceive that same woilu
If they hau unifoimity anu cohesion they woulu 0nifoimity is to
holu in unison the same position of the assemblage point The olu
soiceieis calleu the entiie act of acquiiing unifoimity anu cohesion
outsiue the noimal woilu stalking peiception
The ait of stalking he continueu as I have alieauy saiu ueals with
the fixation of the assemblage point The olu soiceieis uiscoveieu
thiough piactice that impoitant as it is to uisplace the assemblage point
it is equallly impoitant to make it stay fixeu on its new position
wheievei that new position might be
Be explaineu that if the assemblage point uoes not become stationaiy
theie is no way that we can peiceive coheiently We woulu expeiience
then a kaleiuoscope of uisassociateu images This is the ieason the olu
soiceieis put as much emphasis on stalking as they uiu on uieaming 0ne
ait cannot exist without the othei especially foi the kinus of activities in
which the olu soiceieis weie involveu
What weie those activities uon Juan
The olu soiceieis calleu them the intiicacies of the seconu attention
oi the gianu auventuie of the unknown
Bon Juan saiu that these activities stem fiom the uisplacements of
the assemblage point Not only hau the olu soiceieis leaineu to uisplace
theii assemblage points to thousanus of positions on the suiface oi on
the insiue of theii eneigy masses but they hau also leaineu to fixate theii
assemblage points on those positions anu thus ietain theii cohesiveness
inuefinitely
What was the benefit of that uon Juan
We cant talk about benefits We can talk only about enu iesults
Be explaineu that the cohesiveness of the olu soiceieis was such that
it alloweu them to become peiceptually anu physically eveiything the
specific position of theii assemblage points uictateu They coulu
tiansfoim themselves into anything foi which they hau a specific
inventoiy An inventoiy is he saiu all the uetails of peiception involveu
in becoming foi example a jaguai a biiu an insect et ceteia et ceteia
Its veiy haiu foi me to believe that this tiansfoimation can be
possible I saiu
It is possible he assuieu me Not so much foi you anu me but foi
them Foi them it was nothing
Be saiu that the olu soiceieis hau supeib fluiuity All they neeueu
was the slightest shift of theii assemblage points the slightest peiceptual
cue fiom theii uieaming anu they woulu instantaneously stalk theii
peiception ieaiiange theii cohesiveness to fit theii new state of
awaieness anu be an animal anothei peison a biiu oi anything
But isnt that what mentally ill people uo Nake up theii own ieality
as they go along I saiu
No it isnt the same Insane people imagine a ieality of theii own
because they uont have any pieconceiveu puipose at all Insane people
biing chaos into the chaos Soiceieis on the contiaiy biing oiuei to the
chaos Theii pieconceiveu tianscenuental puipose is to fiee theii
peiception
Soiceieis uont make up the woilu they aie peiceiving They peiceive
eneigy uiiectly Anu then they uiscovei that what they aie peiceiving is
an unknown new woilu which can swallow them whole because it is as
ieal as anything we know to be ieal
Bon Juan then gave me a new veision of what hau happeneu to me as
I gazeu at the mesquite tiee Be saiu that I began by peiceiving the
eneigy of the tiee 0n the subjective level howevei I believeu I was
uieaming because I employeu uieaming techniques to peiceive eneigy
Be asseiteu that to use uieaming techniques in the woilu of eveiyuay
life was one of the olu soiceieis most effective uevices It maue
peiceiving eneigy uiiectly uieamlike insteau of totally chaotic until a
moment when something ieaiiangeu peiception anu the soiceiei founu
himself facing a new woilu the veiy thing that hau happeneu to me
I tolu him about the thought Id hau which I hau baiely uaieu to
think that the sceneiy I was viewing was not a uieam noi was it oui
uaily woilu
It wasnt he saiu Ive been saying this to you ovei anu ovei anu
you think that I am meiely iepeating myself I know how uifficult it is foi
the minu to allow minuless possibilities to become ieal But new woilus
exist They aie wiappeu one aiounu the othei like the skins of an onion
The woilu we exist in is but one of those skins
Bo you mean uon Juan that the goal of youi teaching is to piepaie
me to go into those woilus
No I uont mean that Those jouineys aie the anteceuents
anteceuent someone fiom whom you aie uescenueu something which
preceedes anu causes anothei iesult of the soiceieis of touay
We go into those woilus only as an exeicise We uo the same
uieaming that the olu soiceieis useu to uo but at one moment we
ueviate into new giounu The olu soiceieis piefeiieu the shifts of the
assemblage point so they weie always on moie oi less known
pieuictable giounu We piefei the movements of the assemblage point
The olu soiceieis weie aftei the human unknown We aie aftei the
nonhuman unknown
I havent gotten to that yet have I
No You aie only beginning Anu at the beginning eveiyone has to go
thiough the olu soiceieis steps Aftei all they weie the ones who
inventeu uieaming
At what point will I then begin to leain the new soiceieis bianu of
uieaming
You have enoimous giounu yet to covei Yeais fiom now peihaps
Besiues in youi case I have to be extiaoiuinaiily caieful In chaiactei
you aie uefinitely linkeu to the olu soiceieis Ive saiu this to you befoie
but you always manage to avoiu my piobes
Sometimes I even think that some alien eneigy is auvising you but
then I uiscaiu the iuea You aie not uevious
What aie you talking about uon Juan
Youve uone unwittingly two things that woiiy the hell out of me
You tiaveleu with youi eneigy bouy to a place outsiue this woilu the
fiist time you uieamt you even walkeu theie
Anu then you tiaveleu with youi eneigy bouy to anothei place
outsiue this woilu but paiting fiom the awaieness of the uaily woilu
Why woulu that woiiy you uon Juan
Bieaming is too easy foi you That is a uamnation if we uont watch
it It leaus to the human unknown As I saiu to you moueinuay soiceieis
stiive to get to the nonhuman unknown
What can the nonhuman unknown be
Fieeuom fiom being human Inconceivable woilus that aie outsiue
the banu of man but that we still can peiceive This is wheie mouein
soiceieis take the siue ioau Theii pieuilection is whats outsiue the
human uomain Anu what aie outsiue that uomain aie allinclusive
woilus not meiely the iealm of biius oi the iealm of animals oi the
iealm of man even if it be the unknown man
What I am talking about aie woilus like the one wheie we live total
woilus with enuless iealms
Wheie aie those woilus uon Juan In uiffeient positions of the
assemblage point
Right In uiffeient positions of the assemblage point but positions
soiceieis aiiive at with a movement of the assemblage point not a shift
Enteiing into those woilus is the type of uieaming only soiceieis of
touay uo The olu soiceieis stayeu away fiom it because it iequiies a
gieat ueal of uetachment anu no selfimpoitance whatsoevei A piice
they couldnt affoiu to pay
Foi the soiceieis who piactice uieaming touay uieaming is fieeuom
to peiceive woilus beyonu the imagination
But whats the point of peiceiving all that
You alieauy askeu me touay the same question You speak like a
tiue meichant Whats the iisk you ask Whats the peicentage gain to
my investment Is it going to bettei me
Theie is no way to answei that The meichant minu uoes commeice
But fieeuom cannot be an investment Fieeuom is an auventuie with no
enu in which we iisk oui lives anu much moie foi a few moments of
something beyonu woius beyonu thoughts oi feelings
I didnt ask that question in that spiiit uon Juan What I want to
know is what can be the uiiving foice to uo all this foi a lazy bum like
myself
To seek fieeuom is the only uiiving foice I know Fieeuom to fly off
into that infinity out theie Fieeuom to uissolve to lift off to be like the
flame of a canule which in spite of being up against the light of a billion
stais iemains intact because it nevei pietenueu to be moie than what it
is a meie canule
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei The Woilu of
Inoiganic Beings
veision
The Woilu of Inoiganic Beings
Faithful to my agieement to wait foi uon Juan to initiate any
comment on uieaming only in cases of necessity uiu I ask him foi auvice
0iuinaiily though he not only seemeu ieluctant to touch the subject but
was somehow uispleaseu with me about it In my estimation a
confiimation of his uisappioval was the fact that whenevei we talkeu
about my uieaming activities he always minimizeu the impoit of
anything I hau accomplisheu
Foi me at that time the animate existence of inoiganic beings hau
become the most ciucial aspect of my uieaming piactices Aftei
encounteiing them in my uieams anu especially aftei my bout with them
in the ueseit aiounu uon Juans house I shoulu have been moie willing
to take theii existence as a seiious affaii But all these events hau quite
the opposite effect on me I became auamant anu uoggeuly uenieu the
possibility that they existeu
Then I hau a change of heait anu ueciueu to conuuct an objective
inquiiy about them The methou of this inquiiy iequiieu that I fiist
compile a iecoiu of eveiything that tianspiieu in my uieaming sessions
then use that iecoiu as a matiix to finu out if my uieaming pioveu oi
uispioveu anything about the inoiganic beings I actually wiote uown
hunuieus of pages of meticulous but meaningless uetails when it shoulu
have been cleai to me that the eviuence of theii existence hau been
gatheieu almost as soon as I hau staiteu my inquiiy
It took but a few sessions foi me to uiscovei that what I thought to be
uon Juans casual iecommenuation to suspenu juugment anu let the
inoiganic beings come to me was in fact the veiy pioceuuie useu by the
soiceieis of antiquity to attiact them By leaving me to finu it out foi
myself uon Juan was simply following his soiceiy tiaining Be hau
iemaikeu time anu time again that it is veiy uifficult to make the self give
up its stiongholus except thiough piactice 0ne of the selfs stiongest
lines of uefense is inueeu oui iationality anu this is not only the most
uuiable line of uefense when it comes to soiceiy actions anu
explanations but also the most thieateneu Bon Juan believeu that the
existence of inoiganic beings is a foiemost assailant of oui iationality
In my uieaming piactices I hau an establisheu couise which I
followeu eveiy single uay without ueviation I aimeu fiist at obseiving
eveiy conceivable item of my uieams then at changing uieams I can say
in sinceiity that I obseiveu univeises of uetail in uieams upon uieams
As a mattei of couise at one given moment my uieaming attention
began to wane anu my uieaming sessions enueu eithei in my falling
asleep anu having iegulai uieams in which I hau no uieaming attention
whatsoevei oi in my waking up anu not being able to sleep at all
Fiom time to time howevei as uon Juan hau uesciibeu it a cuiient
of foieign eneigy a scout as he calleu it was injecteu into my uieams
Being foiewaineu helpeu me to aujust my uieaming attention anu be on
the aleit The fiist time I noticeu foieign eneigy I was uieaming about
shopping in a uepaitment stoie I was going fiom countei to countei
looking foi antiques I finally founu one The incongiuence of looking foi
antiques in a uepaitment stoie was so obvious that it maue me chuckle
but since I hau founu one I foigot about that incongiuence The antique
was the hanule of a walking stick The salesman tolu me that it was maue
of iiiuium which he calleu one of the haiuest substances in the woilu It
was a caiveu piece the heau anu shoulueis of a monkey It lookeu like
jaue to me The salesman was insulteu when I insinuateu that it might be
jaue anu to piove his point he huileu the object with all his stiength
against the cement flooi It uiu not bieak but bounceu like a ball anu then
saileu away spinning like a Frisbee I followeu it It uisappeaieu behinu
some tiees I ian to look foi it anu I founu it stuck on the giounu It hau
been tiansfoimeu into an extiaoiuinaiily beautiful ueep gieen anu black
fulllength walking stick
I coveteu it I giabbeu it anu stiuggleu to pull it out of the giounu
befoie anyone else came along But haiu as I tiieu I coulu not make it
buuge I was afiaiu I woulu bieak it if I attempteu to piy it loose by
shaking it back anu foith So I began to uig aiounu it with my baie hanus
As I kept on uigging it kept on melting until only a puuule of gieen watei
was left in its place I staieu at the watei it suuuenly seemeu to exploue
It tuineu into a white bubble anu then it was gone Ny uieam continueu
into othei images anu uetails which weie not outstanuing although they
weie ciystal cleai
When I tolu uon Juan about this uieam he saiu You isolateu a scout
Scouts aie moie numeious when oui uieams aie aveiage noimal
uieams The uieams of uieameis aie stiangely fiee fiom scouts When
they appeai they aie iuentifiable by the stiangeness anu incongiuity
suiiounuing them
Incongiuity in what mannei uon Juan
Theii piesence doesnt make any sense
veiy few things make sense in a uieam
0nly in aveiage uieams aie things nonsensical I woulu say that this
is so because moie scouts aie injecteu then because aveiage people aie
subject to a gieatei baiiage fiom the unknown
Bo you know why is that so uon Juan
In my opinion what takes place is a balance of foices Aveiage
people have stupenuously stiong baiiieis to piotect themselves against
those onslaughts Baiiieis such as woiiies about the self The stiongei
the baiiiei the gieatei the attack
Bieameis by contiast have fewei baiiieis anu fewei scouts in theii
uieams It seems that in uieameis uieams nonsensical things uisappeai
peihaps to ensuie that uieameis catch the piesence of scouts
Bon Juan auviseu me to pay close attention anu iemembei eveiy
single possible uetail of the uieam I hau hau Be even maue me iepeat
what I hau tolu him
You baffle me I saiu You uont want to heai anything about my
uieaming anu then you uo Is theie any oiuei to youi iefusals anu
acceptances
You bet theie is oiuei behinu all this he saiu Chances aie youll
uo the same someuay to anothei uieamei Some items aie of key
impoitance because they aie associateu with the spiiit 0theis aie
entiiely unimpoitant because they aie associateu with oui inuulging
peisonality
The fiist scout you isolate will always be piesent it coulu be in any
foim even iiiuium By the way whats iiiuium
I uont ieally know I saiu in total sinceiity
Theie you aie Anu what will you say if it tuins out to be one of the
stiongest substances in the woilu
Bon Juans eyes shone with uelight while I neivously laugheu at that
absuiu possibility which I latei leaineu was tiue
I began to notice fiom then on the piesence of incongiuous items in
my uieams 0nce I hau accepteu uon Juans categoiization of foieign
eneigy in uieams I totally agieeu with him that incongiuous items weie
foieign invaueis of my uieams 0pon isolating them my uieaming
attention always focuseu on them with an intensity that uiu not occui
unuei any othei ciicumstances
Anothei thing I noticeu was that eveiy time foieign eneigy invaueu
my uieams my uieaming attention hau to woik haiu to tuin it into a
known object The hanuicap of my uieaming attention was its inability to
accomplish fully such a tiansfoimation The enu iesult was a bastaiuizeu
item neaily unknown to me The foieign eneigy then uissipateu quite
easily the bastaiuizeu item vanisheu tuining into a blob of light which
was quickly absoibeu by othei piessing uetails of my uieams
When I askeu uon Juan to comment on what was happening to me he
saiu At this point in youi uieaming scouts aie reconnoiterers sent by
the inoiganic iealm They aie veiy fast meaning that they uont stay
long
Why uo you say that they aie reconnoiterers uon Juan
They come in seaich of potential awaieness They have
consciousness anu puipose although it is incompiehensible to oui
minus compaiable peihaps to the consciousness anu puipose of tiees
The innei speeu of tiees anu inoiganic beings is incompiehensible to us
because it is infinitely slowei than ouis
What makes you say that uon Juan
Both tiees anu inoiganic beings last longei than we uo They aie
maue to stay put They aie immobile yet they make eveiything move
aiounu them
Bo you mean uon Juan that inoiganic beings aie stationaiy like
tiees
Ceitainly What you see in uieaming as biight oi uaik sticks aie theii
piojections What you heai as the voice of the uieaming emissaiy is
equally theii piojection Anu so aie theii scouts
Foi some unfathomable ieason I was oveiwhelmeu by these
statements I was suuuenly filleu with anxiety I askeu uon Juan if tiees
also hau piojections like that
They uo he saiu Theii piojections aie howevei even less fiienuly
to us than those of the inoiganic beings Bieameis nevei seek them
unless they aie in a state of piofounu amenity with tiees which is a veiy
uifficult state to attain We have no fiienus on this eaith you know Be
chuckleu anu auueu Its no mysteiy why
It may not be a mysteiy to you uon Juan but it ceitainly is to me
We aie uestiuctive We have antagonizeu eveiy living being on this
eaith Thats why we have no fiienus
I felt so ill at ease that I wanteu to stop the conveisation altogethei
But a compulsive uige maue me ietuin to the subject of inoiganic beings
What uo you think I shoulu uo to follow the scouts I askeu
Why in the woilu woulu you want to follow them
I am conuucting an objective inquiiy about inoiganic beings
Youre pulling my leg arent you I thought you weie unmovable on
youi stanu that inoiganic beings uont exist
Bis scoffing tone anu cackling laughtei tolu me what his thoughts anu
feelings about my objective inquiiy weie
Ive changeu my minu uon Juan Now I want to exploie all those
possibilities
Remembei the iealm of inoiganic beings was the olu soiceieis
fielu To get theie they tenaciously fixeu theii uieaming attention on the
items of theii uieams In that fashion they weie able to isolate the scouts
Anu when they hau the scouts in focus they shouteu theii intent to
follow them The instant the olu soiceieis voiceu that intent off they
went pulleu by that foieign eneigy
Is it that simple uon Juan
Be uiu not answei Be just laugheu at me as if uaiing me to uo it
At home I tiieu of seaiching foi uon Juans tiue meanings I was
thoioughly unwilling to consiuei that he might have uesciibeu an actual
pioceuuie Aftei iunning out of iueas anu patience one uay I let my
guaiu uown In a uieam I was having then I was baffleu by a fish that hau
suuuenly jumpeu out of a ponu I was walking by The fish twitcheu by my
feet then flew like a coloieu biiu peiching on a bianch still being a fish
The scene was so outlanuish that my uieaming attention was galvanizeu
I instantly knew it was a scout A seconu latei when the fishbiiu tuineu
into a point of light I shouteu my intent to follow it anu just as uon Juan
hau saiu off I went into anothei woilu
I flew thiough a seemingly uaik tunnel as if I weie a weightless flying
insect The sensation of a tunnel enueu abiuptly It was exactly as if I hau
been speweu out of a tube anu the impulse hau left me smack against an
immense physical mass I was almost touching it I coulu not see the enu
of it in any uiiection I lookeu The entiie thing ieminueu me so much of
science fiction movies that I was utteily convinceu I was constiucting the
view of that mass myself as one constiucts a uieam Why not The
thought I hau was that aftei all I was asleep uieaming
I settleu uown to obseive the uetails of my uieam What I was
viewing lookeu veiy much like a gigantic sponge It was poious anu
caveinous I coulu not feel its textuie but it lookeu iough anu fibious It
was uaik biownish in coloi Then I hau a momentaiy jolt of uoubt about
that silent mass being just a uieam What I was facing uiu not change
shape It uiu not move eithei As I lookeu at it fixeuly I hau the complete
impiession of something ieal but stationaiy It was planteu somewheie
anu it hau such a poweiful attiaction that I was incapable of ueviating my
uieaming attention to examine anything else incluuing myself Some
stiange foice which I hau nevei befoie encounteieu in my uieaming hau
me iiveteu uown
Then I cleaily felt that the mass ieleaseu my uieaming attention All
my awaieness focuseu on the scout that hau taken me theie It lookeu
like a fiiefly in the uaikness hoveiing ovei me by my siue In its iealm it
was a blob of sheei eneigy I was able to see its eneigetic sizzling It
seemeu to be conscious of me Suuuenly it luicheu onto me anu tuggeu
me oi piouueu me I uiu not feel its touch yet I knew it was touching me
That sensation was staitling anu new it was as if a pait of me that was
not theie hau been electiifieu by that touch iipples of eneigy went
thiough it one aftei anothei
Fiom that moment on eveiything in my uieaming became much
moie ieal I hau a veiy uifficult time keeping the iuea that I was uieaming
a uieam To this uifficulty I hau to auu the ceitainty I hau that with its
touch the scout hau maue an eneigetic connection with me I knew what
it wanteu me to uo the instant it seemeu to tug me oi shove me
The fiist thing it uiu was to push me thiough a huge cavein oi
opening into the physical mass I hau been facing 0nce I was insiue that
mass I iealizeu that the inteiioi was as homogeneously poious as the
outsiue but much softei looking as if the ioughness hau been sanueu
uown What I was facing was a stiuctuie that lookeu something like the
enlaigeu pictuie of a beehive Theie weie countless geometiicshapeu
tunnels going in eveiy uiiection Some went up oi uown oi to my left oi
my iight They weie at angles with one anothei oi going up oi uown on
steep oi milu inclines
The light was veiy uim yet eveiything was peifectly visible The
tunnels seemeu to be alive anu conscious They sizzleu I staieu at them
anu the iealization that I was seeing hit me Those weie tunnels of
eneigy At the instant of this iealization the voice of the uieaming
emissaiy ioaieu insiue my eais so louuly I coulu not unueistanu what it
saiu Lowei it uown I yelleu with unusual impatience anu became
awaie that if I spoke I blockeu my view of the tunnels anu enteieu into a
vacuum wheie all I coulu uo was heai
The emissaiy mouulateu its voice anu saiu You aie insiue an
inoiganic being Choose a tunnel anu you can even live in it The voice
stoppeu foi an instant then auueu That is if you want to uo it
I coulu not biing myself to say anything I was afiaiu that any
statement of mine might be constiueu as the opposite of what I meant
Theie aie enuless auvantages foi you the emissaiys voice
continueu You can live in as many tunnels as you want Anu each one of
them will teach something uiffeient The soiceieis of antiquity liveu in
this mannei anu leaineu maivelous things
I senseu without any feeling that the scout was pushing me fiom
behinu It appeaieu to want me to move onwaiu I took the tunnel to my
immeuiate iight As soon as I was in it something maue me awaie that I
was not walking on the tunnel I was hoveiing in it flying I was a blob of
eneigy no uiffeient fiom the scout
The voice of the emissaiy sounueu insiue my eais again Yes you aie
just a blob of eneigy it saiu Its ieuunuancy biought me an intense
ielief Anu you aie floating insiue one inoiganic being it went on This
is the way the scout wants you to move in this woilu When it toucheu
you it changeu you foievei You aie piactically one of us now If you
want to stay heie just voice youi intent The emissaiy stoppeu talking
anu the view of the tunnel ietuineu to me But when it spoke again
something hau been aujusteu I uiu not lose sight of that woilu anu I still
coulu heai the emissaiys voice The ancient soiceieis leaineu
eveiything they knew about uieaming by staying heie among us it saiu
I was going to ask if they hau leaineu eveiything they knew by just
living insiue those tunnels but befoie I voiceu my question the emissaiy
answeieu it Yes they leaineu eveiything by just living insiue the
inoiganic beings it saiu To live insiue them all the olu soiceieis hau to
uo was say they wanteu to just like all it took foi you to get heie was to
voice youi intent louu anu cleai
The scout pusheu against me to signal me to continue moving I
hesitateu anu it uiu something equivalent to shoving me with such a
foice that I shot like a bullet thiough enuless tunnels I finally stoppeu
because the scout stoppeu We hoveieu foi an instant Then we uioppeu
into a veitical tunnel I uiu not feel the uiastic change of uiiection As fai
as my peiception was conceineu I was still moving seemingly paiallel to
the giounu
We changeu uiiections many times with the same peiceptual effect
on me I began to foimulate a thought about my incapacity to feel that I
was moving up oi uown when I heaiu the emissaiys voice I think youll
be moie comfoitable if you ciawl iathei than fly it saiu You can also
move like a spiuei oi a fly stiaight up oi uown oi upsiue uown
Instantaneously I settleu uown It was as if I hau been fluffy anu
suuuenly I got some weight which giounueu me I coulu not feel the
tunnels walls but the emissaiy was iight about my being moie
comfoitable when ciawling
In this woilu you uont have to be pinneu uown by giavity it saiu
0f couise I was able to iealize that myself You uont have to bieathe
eithei the voice went on Anu foi youi convenience alone you can
ietain youi eyesight anu see as you see in youi woilu The emissaiy
seemeu to be ueciuing whethei to auu moie It cougheu just like a man
cleaiing his thioat anu saiu The eyesight is nevei impairedf Theiefoie
a uieamei always speaks about his uieaming in teims of what he sees
The scout pusheu me into a tunnel to my iight It was somehow
uaikei than the otheis To me at a pieposteious level it seemeu coziei
than the otheis moie fiienuly oi even known to me The thought ciosseu
my minu that I was like that tunnel oi that the tunnel was like me
You two have met befoie the emissaiys voice saiu
I beg youi paiuon I saiu I hau unueistoou what it saiu but the
statement was incompiehensible
You two wiestleu anu because of that you now caiiy each otheis
eneigy I thought that the emissaiys voice caiiieu a touch of malice oi
even saicasm
No it isnt saicasm the emissaiy saiu I am glau that you have
ielatives heie among us
What uo you mean by ielatives I askeu
Shaieu eneigy makes kinship it ieplieu Eneigy is like bloou
I was unable to say anything else I cleaily felt pangs of feai
Feai is something that is absent in this woilu the emissaiy saiu
Anu that was the only statement that was not tiue
Ny uieaming enueu theie I was so shockeu by the viviuness of
eveiything anu by the impiessive claiity anu continuity of the emissaiys
statements that I coulu not wait to tell uon Juan It suipiiseu anu
uistuibeu me that he uiu not want to heai my account Be uiu not say so
but I hau the impiession that he believeu all of it hau been a piouuct of
my inuulging peisonality
Why aie you behaving like this with me I askeu Aie you
uispleaseu with me
No I am not uispleaseu with you he saiu The pioblem is that I
cant talk about this pait of youi uieaming You aie completely by
youiself in this case I have saiu to you that inoiganic beings aie ieal You
aie finuing out how ieal they aie But what you uo with this finuing is
youi business youis alone Someuay youll see the ieason foi my staying
away
But isnt theie something you can tell me about that uieam I
insisteu
What I can say is that it wasnt a uieam It was a jouiney into the
unknown A necessaiy jouiney I may auu anu an ultrapersonal one
Be changeu the subject then anu began to talk about othei aspects of
his teachings
Fiom that uay on in spite of my feai anu uon Juans ieluctance to
auvise me I became a iegulai uieam tiavelei to that spongy woilu I
uiscoveieu iight away that the gieatei my capacity to obseive the uetails
of my uieams the gieatei my facility to isolate the scouts
If I chose to acknowleuge the scouts as foieign eneigy they iemaineu
within my peiceptual fielu foi a while
If I chose to tuin the scouts into quasi known objects they stayeu
even longei changing shapes eiiatically
But if I followeu them by ievealing out louu my intent to go with
them the scouts veiitably tianspoiteu my uieaming attention to a woilu
beyonu what I can noimally imagine
Bon Juan hau saiu that inoiganic beings aie always poiseu to teach
But he hau not tolu me that uieaming is what they aie poiseu to teach Be
hau stateu that the uieaming emissaiy since it is a voice is the peifect
biiuge between that woilu anu ouis I founu out that the uieaming
emissaiy was not only a teacheis voice but the voice of a most subtle
salesman It iepeateu on anu on at the piopei time anu occasion the
auvantages of its woilu Yet it also taught me invaluable things about
uieaming Listening to what it saiu I unueistoou the olu soiceieis
piefeience foi conciete piactices
Foi peifect uieaming the fiist thing you have to uo is shut off youi
inteinal uialogue it saiu to me one time Foi best iesults in shutting it
off put between youi fingeis some two to thiee inch long quaitz ciystals
oi a couple of smooth thin iivei pebbles Benu youi fingeis slightly anu
piess the ciystals oi pebbles with them
The emissaiy saiu that metal pins if they weie the size anu wiuth of
ones fingeis weie equally effective The pioceuuie consisteu of piessing
at least thiee thin items between the fingeis of each hanu anu cieating
an almost painful piessuie in the hanus This piessuie hau the stiange
piopeity of shutting off the inteinal uialogue The emissaiys expiesseu
piefeience was foi quaitz ciystals It saiu that they gave the best iesults
although with piactice anything was suitable
Falling asleep at a moment of total silence guaiantees a peifect
entiance into uieaming saiu the emissaiys voice anu it also
guaiantees the enhancing of ones uieaming attention
Bieameis shoulu weai a golu iing saiu the emissaiy to me anothei
time piefeiably fitteu a bit tight
The emissaiys explanation was that such a iing seives as a biiuge foi
suifacing fiom uieaming back into the uaily woilu oi foi sinking fiom
oui uaily awaieness into the inoiganic beings iealm
Bow uoes this biiuge woik I askeu I hau not unueistoou what was
involveu
The contact of the fingeis on the iing lays the biiuge uown the
emissaiy saiu If a uieamei comes into my woilu weaiing a iing that
iing attiacts the eneigy of my woilu anu keeps it anu when that eneigy
is neeueu that eneigy tianspoits the uieamei back to this woilu thiough
the iings ieleasing it into the uieameis fingeis
The piessuie of that iing aiounu a fingei seives equally well to
ensuie a uieameis ietuin to his woilu It gives him a constant familiai
sense on his fingei
Buiing anothei uieaming session the emissaiy saiu that oui skin is
the peifect oigan foi tiansposing eneigy waves fiom the moue of the
uaily woilu to the moue of the inoiganic beings anu vice veisa It
iecommenueu that I keep my skin cool anu fiee fiom pigments oi oils
It also iecommenueu that uieameis weai a tight belt oi heaubanu oi
necklace to cieate a piessuie point that seives as a skin centei of eneigy
exchange The emissaiy explaineu that the skin automatically scieens
eneigy anu that what we neeu to uo to make the skin not only scieen but
exchange eneigy fiom one moue to the othei is to expiess oui intent out
louu in uieaming
0ne uay the emissaiys voice gave me a fabulous bonus It saiu that in
oiuei to ensuie the keenness anu accuiacy of oui uieaming attention we
must biing it fiom behinu the ioof of the mouth wheie an enoimous
ieseivoii of attention is locateu in all human beings The emissaiys
specific uiiections weie to piactice anu leain the uiscipline anu contiol
necessaiy to piess the tip of the tongue on the ioof of the mouth while
uieaming This task is as uifficult anu consuming the emissaiy saiu as
finuing ones hanus in a uieam But once it is accomplisheu this task
gives the most astounuing iesults in teims of contiolling the uieaming
attention
I ieceiveu a piofusion of instiuctions on eveiy conceivable subject
instiuctions that I piomptly foigot if they weie not enulessly iepeateu to
me I sought uon Juans auvice on how to iesolve this pioblem of
foigetting
Bis comment was as biief as I hau expecteu Focus only on what the
emissaiy tells you about uieaming he saiu
Whatevei the emissaiys voice iepeateu enough times I giaspeu with
tiemenuous inteiest anu feivoi Faithful to uon Juans iecommenuation
I only followeu its guiuance when it iefeiieu to uieaming anu I
peisonally coiioboiateu the value of its instiuction The most vital piece
of infoimation foi me was that the uieaming attention comes fiom
behinu the ioof of the mouth It took a gieat ueal of effoit on my pait to
feel in uieaming that I was piessing the ioof of my mouth with the tip of
my tongue 0nce I accomplisheu this my uieaming attention took on a
life of its own anu became I may say keenei than my noimal attention to
the uaily woilu
It uiu not take much foi me to ueuuce how ueep must have been the
involvement of the olu soiceieis with the inoiganic beings Bon Juans
commentaiies anu wainings about the uangei of such an involvement
became moie vital than evei I tiieu my best to live up to his stanuaius of
selfexamination with no inuulgence Thus the emissaiys voice anu what
it saiu became a superchallenge foi me I hau to avoiu at all cost
succumbing to the temptation of the emissaiys piomise of knowleuge
anu I hau to uo this all by myself since uon Juan continueu to iefuse to
listen to my accounts
You must give me at least a hint about what I shoulu uo I insisteu
on one occasion when I was bolu enough to ask him
I cant he saiu with finality anu uont ask again Ive tolu you in
this instance uieameis have to be left alone
But you uont even know what I want to ask you
Oh yes I uo You want me to tell you that it is all iight to live in one of
those tunnels if foi no othei ieason than just to know what the
emissaiys voice is talking about
I aumitteu that this was exactly my uilemma If nothing else I wanteu
to know what was implieu in the statement that one can live insiue those
tunnels
I went thiough the same tuimoil myself uon Juan went on anu no
one coulu help me because this is a superpersonal anu final uecision a
final uecision maue the instant you voice youi uesiie to live in that woilu
In oiuei to get you to voice that uesiie the inoiganic beings aie going to
catei to youi most seciet wishes
This is ieally uiabolical uon Juan
You can say that again But not just because of what you aie thinking
Foi you the uiabolical pait is the temptation to give in especially when
such gieat iewaius aie at stake Foi me the uiabolical natuie of the
inoiganic beings iealm is that it might veiy well be the only sanctuaiy
uieameis have in a hostile univeise
Is it ieally a haven foi uieameis uon Juan
It uefinitely is foi some uieameis Not foi me I uont neeu piops oi
iailings I know what I am I am alone in a hostile univeise anu I have
leaineu to say So be it
That was the enu of oui exchange Be hau not saiu what I wanteu to
heai yet I knew that even the uesiie to know what it was like to live in a
tunnel meant almost to choose that way of life I was not inteiesteu in
such a thing I maue my uecision iight then to continue my uieaming
piactices without any fuithei implications I quickly tolu uon Juan about
it
Bont say anything he auviseu me But uo unueistanu that if you
choose to stay youi uecision is final Youll stay theie foievei
It is impossible foi me to juuge objectively what took place uuiing the
countless times I uieamt of that woilu I can say that it appeaieu to be a
woilu as ieal as any uieam can be ieal 0i I can say that it appeaieu to be
as ieal as oui uaily woilu is ieal Bieaming of that woilu I became awaie
of what uon Juan hau saiu to me many times that unuei the influence of
uieaming ieality suffeis a metamoiphosis I founu myself then facing the
two options which accoiuing to uon Juan aie the options faceu by all
uieameis eithei we caiefully ievamp oi we completely uisiegaiu oui
system of sensoiy input inteipietation
Foi uon Juan to ievamp oui inteipietation system meant to intenu
its ieconuitioning It meant that one uelibeiately anu caiefully attempts
to enlaige its capabilities By living in accoiuance with the soiceieis
way uieameis save anu stoie the necessaiy eneigy to suspenu juugment
anu thus facilitate that intenueu ievamping Be explaineu that if we
choose to ieconuition oui inteipietation system ieality becomes fluiu
anu the scope of what can be ieal is enhanceu without enuangeiing the
integiity of ieality Bieaming then inueeu opens the uooi into othei
aspects of what is ieal
If we choose to uisiegaiu oui system the scope of what can be
peiceiveu without inteipietation giows inoiuinately The expansion of
oui peiception is so gigantic that we aie left with veiy few tools foi
sensoiy inteipietation anu thus leaves a sense of an infinite iealness that
is unieal oi an infinite unrealness that coulu veiy well be ieal but is not
Foi me the only acceptable option was ieconstiucting anu enlaiging
my inteipietation system In uieaming the inoiganic beings iealm I was
faceu with the consistence of that woilu fiom uieam to uieam fiom
isolating the scouts thiough listening to the uieaming emissaiys voice to
going thiough tunnels I went thiough them without feeling anything yet
being awaie that space anu time weie constant although not in teims
uisceinible by iationality unuei noimal conuitions Bowevei by noticing
the uiffeience oi the absence oi piofusion of uetail in each tunnel oi by
noticing the sense of uistance between tunnels oi by noticing the
appaient length oi wiuth of each tunnel in which I tiaveleu I aiiiveu at a
sense of objective obseivation
The aiea wheie this ieconstiuction of my inteipietation system hau
the most uiamatic effect was the knowleuge of how I ielateu to the woilu
of the inoiganic beings In that woilu which was ieal to me I was a blob
of eneigy Thus I coulu whiz in the tunnels like a fastmoving light oi I
coulu ciawl on theii walls like an insect If I flew a voice tolu me not
aibitiaiy but consistent infoimation about uetails on the walls on which I
hau focuseu my uieaming attention Those uetails weie intiicate
piotubeiances like the Biaille system of wiiting When I ciawleu on the
walls I coulu see the same uetails with gieatei accuiacy anu heai the
voice giving me moie complex uesciiptions
The unavoiuable consequence foi me was the uevelopment of a uual
stanu 0n the one hanu I knew I was uieaming a uieam on the othei I
knew I was involveu in a piagmatic jouiney as ieal as any jouiney in the
woilu This bona fide split was a coiioboiation of what uon Juan hau
saiu that the existence of inoiganic beings is the foiemost assailant of
oui iationality
0nly aftei I hau ieally suspenueu juugment uiu I get any ielief At one
moment when the tension of my untenable position seiiously believing
in the attestable existence of inoiganic beings while seiiously believing
that it was only a uieam was about to uestioy me something in my
attituue changeu uiastically but without any solicitation on my pait
Bon Juan maintaineu that my eneigy level which hau been steauily
giowing one uay ieacheu a thiesholu that alloweu me to uisiegaiu
assumptions anu prejudgments about the natuie of man ieality anu
peiception That uay I became enamoieu with knowleuge iegaiuless of
logic oi functional value anu above all iegaiuless of peisonal
convenience
When my objective inquiiy into the subject of inoiganic beings no
longei matteieu to me uon Juan himself biought up the subject of my
uieam jouiney into that woilu Be saiu I uont think you aie awaie of
the iegulaiity of youi meetings with inoiganic beings
Be was iight I hau nevei botheieu to think about it I commenteu on
the ouuity of my oveisight
It isnt an oveisight he saiu Its the natuie of that iealm to fostei
secietiveness Inoiganic beings veil themselves in mysteiy uaikness
Think about theii woilu stationaiy fixeu to uiaw us like moths to a light
oi a fiie
Theie is something the emissaiy hasnt uaieu to tell you so fai that
the inoiganic beings aie aftei oui awaieness oi the awaieness of any
being that falls into theii nets Theyll give us knowleuge but theyll
extiact a payment oui total being
Bo you mean uon Juan that the inoiganic beings aie like
fisheimen
Exactly At one moment the emissaiy will show you men who got
caught in theie oi othei beings that aie not human that also got caught in
theie
Revulsion anu feai shoulu have been my iesponse Bon Juans
ievelations affecteu me ueeply but in the sense of cieating
uncontainable cuiiosity I was neaily panting
Inoiganic beings cant foice anyone to stay with them uon Juan
went on To live in theii woilu is a voluntaiy affaii Yet they aie capable
of impiisoning any one of us by cateiing to oui uesiies by pampeiing
anu inuulging us Bewaie of awaieness that is immobile Awaieness like
that has to seek movement anu it uoes this as Ive tolu you by cieating
piojections phantasmagoiical piojections at times
I askeu uon Juan to explain what phantasmagoiical piojections
meant Be saiu that inoiganic beings hook onto uieameis inneimost
feelings anu play them meicilessly They cieate phantoms to please
uieameis oi fiighten them Be ieminueu me that I hau wiestleu with one
of those phantoms Be explaineu that inoiganic beings aie supeib
projectionists who uelight in piojecting themselves like pictuies on the
wall
The olu soiceieis weie biought uown by theii inane tiust in those
piojections he continueu The olu soiceieis believeu theii allies hau
powei They oveilookeu the fact theii allies weie tenuous eneigy
piojecteu thiough woilus like in a cosmic movie
You aie contiauicting youiself uon Juan You youiself saiu that the
inoiganic beings aie ieal Now you tell me that they aie meie pictuies
I meant to say that the inoiganic beings in oui woilu aie like
moving pictuies piojecteu on a scieen anu I may even auu that they aie
like moving pictuies of iaiefieu eneigy piojecteu thiough the bounuaiies
of two woilus
But what about inoiganic beings in theii woilu Aie they also like
moving pictuies
Not a chance That woilu is as ieal as oui woilu The olu soiceieis
poitiayeu the inoiganic beings woilu as a blob of caveins anu poies
floating in some uaik space Anu they poitiayeu the inoiganic beings as
hollow canes bounu togethei like the cells of oui bouies The olu
soiceieis calleu that immense bunule the labyiinth of penumbia
penumbia a fiinge iegion of paitial shauow aiounu a iegion of complete
shauow
Then eveiy uieamei sees that woilu in the same teims iight
0f couise Eveiy uieamei sees it as it is Bo you think you aie
unique
I confesseu that something in that woilu hau been giving me all along
the sensation I was unique What cieateu this most pleasant anu cleai
feeling of being exclusive was not the voice of the uieaming emissaiy oi
anything I coulu consciously think about
Thats exactly what flooieu the olu soiceieis uon Juan saiu The
inoiganic beings uiu to them what they aie uoing to you now they
cieateu foi them the sense of being unique exclusive plus a moie
peinicious peinicious exceeuingly haimful sense yet the sense of
having powei Powei anu uniqueness aie unbeatable as coiiupting
foices Watch out
Bow uiu you avoiu that uangei youiself uon Juan
I went to that woilu a few times anu then I nevei went back
Bon Juan explaineu that in the opinion of soiceieis the univeise is
predatorial anu soiceieis moie than anyone else have to take this into
account in theii uaily soiceiy activities Bis iuea was that consciousness
is intiinsically compelleu to giow anu the only way it can giow is
thiough stiife thiough lifeoiueath confiontations
The awaieness of soiceieis giows when they uo uieaming he went
on Anu the moment it giows something out theie acknowleuges its
giowth iecognizes it anu makes a biu foi it The inoiganic beings aie the
biuueis foi that new enhanceu awaieness Bieameis have to be foievei
on theii toes They aie piey the moment they ventuie out in that
predatorial univeise
What uo you suggest I uo to be safe uon Juan
Be on youi toes eveiy seconu Bont let anything oi anybouy ueciue
foi you uo to the inoiganic beings woilu only when you want to go
Bonestly uon Juan I wouldnt know how to uo that 0nce I isolate a
scout a tiemenuous pull is exeiteu on me to go I uont have a chance in
hell to change my minu
Come on Who uo you think youre kiuuing You can uefinitely stop
it You havent tiieu to thats all
I eainestly insisteu that it was impossible foi me to stop Be uiu not
puisue the subject any longei anu I was thankful foi that A uistuibing
feeling of guilt hau begun to gnaw at me Foi some unknown ieason the
thought of consciously stopping the pull of the scouts hau nevei occuiieu
to me
As usual uon Juan was coiiect I founu out that I coulu change the
couise of my uieaming by intenuing that couise Aftei all I uiu intenu foi
the scouts to tianspoit me to theii woilu It was feasible that if I
uelibeiately intenueu the opposite my uieaming woulu follow the
opposite couise
With piactice my capacity to intenu my jouineys into the inoiganic
beings iealm became extiaoiuinaiily keen An incieaseu capacity to
intenu biought foith an incieaseu contiol ovei my uieaming attention
This auuitional contiol maue me moie uaiing I felt that I coulu jouiney
with impunity because I coulu stop the jouiney any time I wanteu to
Youi confiuence is veiy scaiy was uon Juans comment when I tolu
him at his iequest about the new aspect of my contiol ovei my uieaming
attention
Why shoulu it be scaiy I askeu I was tiuly convinceu of the
piactical value of what I hau founu out
Because youis is the confiuence of a fool he saiu I am going to tell
you a soiceieis stoiy that is apiopos apiopos of an appiopiiate oi
ielevant natuie I didnt witness it myself but my teacheis teachei the
nagual Elias uiu
Bon Juan saiu that the nagual Elias anu the love of his life a
soiceiess nameu Amalia weie lost in theii youth in the inoiganic
beings woilu
I hau nevei heaiu uon Juan talk about soiceieis being the love of
anybouys life Bis statement staitleu me I askeu him about this
inconsistency
Its not an inconsistency I have simply iefiaineu all along fiom
telling you stoiies of soiceieis affection he saiu Youve been so
oversaturated with love all youi life that I wanteu to give you a bieak
Well the nagual Elias anu the love of his life the witch Amalia got
lost in the inoiganic beings woilu uon Juan went on They went theie
not in uieaming but with theii physical bouies
Bow uiu that happen uon Juan
Theii teachei the nagual Rosendo was veiy close in tempeiament
anu piactice to the olu soiceieis Be intenueu to help Elias anu Amalia
but insteau he pusheu them acioss some ueauly bounuaiies The nagual
Rosendo didnt have that ciossing in minu What he wanteu to uo was to
put his two uisciples into the seconu attention but what he got as a iesult
was theii uisappeaiance
Bon Juan saiu that he was not going to go into the uetails of that long
anu complicateu stoiy Be was only going to tell me how they became lost
in that woilu Be stateu that the nagual Rosendos miscalculation was to
assume that the inoiganic beings aie not in the slightest inteiesteu in
women Bis ieasoning was coiiect anu was guiueu by the soiceieis
knowleuge that the univeise is maikeuly female anu that maleness being
an offshoot of femaleness is almost scaice thus coveteu
Bon Juan maue a uigiession anu commenteu that peihaps that
scaicity of males is the ieason foi mens unwaiianteu uominion on oui
planet I wanteu to iemain on that topic but he went aheau with his
stoiy Be saiu that the nagual Rosendos plan was to give instiuction to
Elias anu Amalia exclusively in the seconu attention Anu to that effect
he followeu the olu soiceieis piesciibeu technique Be engageu a scout
in uieaming anu commanueu it to tianspoit his uisciples into the seconu
attention by uisplacing theii assemblage points on the piopei position
Theoietically a poweiful scout coulu uisplace theii assemblage
points on the piopei position with no effoit at all What the nagual
Rosendo uiu not take into consiueiation was the tiickeiy of the
inoiganic beings The scout uiu uisplace the assemblage points of his
uisciples but it uisplaceu them on a position fiom which it was easy to
tianspoit them bouily into the iealm of the inoiganic beings
Is this possible to be tianspoiteu bouily I askeu
It is possible he assuieu me We aie eneigy that is kept in a
specific shape anu position by the fixation of the assemblage point on one
location If that location is changeu the shape anu position of that eneigy
will change accoiuingly All the inoiganic beings have to uo is to place oui
assemblage point on the iight location anu off we go like a bullet shoes
hat anu all
Can this happen to any one of us uon Juan
Nost ceitainly Especially if oui sum total of eneigy is iight
0bviously the sum total of the combineu eneigies of Elias anu Amalia
was something the inoiganic beings couldnt oveilook It is absuiu to
tiust the inoiganic beings They have theii own ihythm anu it isnt
human
I askeu uon Juan what exactly the nagual Rosendo uiu to senu his
uisciples to that woilu I knew it was stupiu of me to ask knowing that he
was going to ignoie my question Ny suipiise was genuine when he
began to tell me
The steps aie simplicity itself he saiu Be put his uisciples insiue a
veiy small closeu space something like a closet Then he went into
uieaming calleu a scout fiom the inoiganic beings iealm by voicing his
intent to get one then voiceu his intent to offei his uisciples to the scout
The scout natuially accepteu the gift anu took them away at an
unguaiueu moment when they weie making love insiue that closet
When the nagual openeu the closet they weie no longei theie
Bon Juan explaineu that making gifts of theii uisciples to the
inoiganic beings was piecisely what the olu soiceieis useu to uo The
nagual Rosendo uiu not mean to uo that but he got swayeu by the
absuiu belief that the inoiganic beings weie unuei his contiol
Soiceieis maneuveis aie ueauly uon Juan went on I beseech you
to be extiaoiuinaiily awaie Bont get involveu in having some iuiotic
confiuence in youiself
What finally happeneu to the nagual Elias anu Amalia I askeu
The nagual Rosendo hau to go bouily into that woilu anu look foi
them he ieplieu
Biu he finu them
Be uiu aftei untolu stiuggles Bowevei he coulu not totally biing
them out So the two young people weie always semiprisoners of that
iealm
Biu you know them uon Juan
0f couise I knew them anu I assuie you they weie veiy stiange
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei The Shauows
Woilu
veision
The Shauows Woilu
You must be extiemely caieful foi you aie about to fall piey to the
inoiganic beings uon Juan saiu to me quite unexpecteuly aftei we hau
been talking about something totally unielateu to uieaming
Bis statement caught me by suipiise As usual I attempteu to uefenu
myself
You uont have to wain me Im veiy caieful I assuieu him
The inoiganic beings aie plotting he saiu I sense that anu I cant
console myself by saying that they set tiaps at the beginning anu in this
mannei unuesiiable uieameis aie effectively anu peimanently scieeneu
out
The tone of his voice was so uigent that I immeuiately hau to
ieassuie him I was not going to fall into any tiap
You must seiiously consiuei that the inoiganic beings have
astounuing means at theii uisposal he went on Theii awaieness is
supeib In compaiison we aie chiluien chiluien with a lot of eneigy
which the inoiganic beings covet
I wanteu to tell him that on an abstiact level I hau unueistoou his
point anu his concein but on a conciete plane I saw no ieason foi his
waining because I was in contiol of my uieaming piactices
A few minutes of uneasy silence followeu befoie uon Juan spoke
again Be changeu the subject anu saiu that he hau to biing to my
attention a veiy impoitant issue of his uieaming instiuction an issue that
hau so fai bypasseu my awaieness
You alieauy unueistanu that the gates of uieaming aie specific
obstacles he saiu but you havent unueistoou yet that whatevei is
given as the exeicise to ieach anu cioss a gate is not ieally what that gate
is all about
This is not cleai to me at all uon Juan
I mean that its not tiue to say foi example that the seconu gate is
ieacheu anu ciosseu when a uieamei leains to wake up in anothei
uieam oi when a uieamei leains to change uieams without waking up in
the woilu of uaily life
Why isnt it tiue uon Juan
Because the seconu gate of uieaming is ieacheu anu ciosseu only
when a uieamei leains to isolate anu follow the foieign eneigy scouts
Why then is the iuea of changing uieams given at all
Waking up in anothei uieam oi changing uieams is the uiill ueviseu
by the olu soiceieis to exeicise a uieameis capacity to isolate anu follow
a scout
Bon Juan stateu that following a scout is a high accomplishment anu
that when uieameis aie able to peifoim it the seconu gate is flung open
anu the univeise that exists behinu it becomes accessible to them Be
stiesseu that this univeise is theie all the time but that we cannot go into
it because we lack eneigetic piowess anu that in essence the seconu
gate of uieaming is the uooi into the inoiganic beings woilu anu
uieaming is the key that opens that uooi
Can a uieamei isolate a scout uiiectly without having to go thiough
the uiill of changing uieams I askeu
No not at all he saiu The uiill is essential The question heie is
whethei this is the only uiill that exists 0i can a uieamei follow anothei
uiill
Bon Juan lookeu at me quizzically It seemeu that he actually
expecteu me to answei the question
Its too uifficult to come up with a uiill as complete as the one the olu
soiceieis ueviseu I saiu without knowing why but with iiiefutable
authoiity
Bon Juan aumitteu that I was absolutely iight anu saiu that the olu
soiceieis hau ueviseu a seiies of peifect uiills to go thiough the gates of
uieaming into the specific woilus that exist behinu eveiy gate Be
ieiteiateu that uieaming being the olu soiceieis invention has to be
playeu by theii iules Be uesciibeu the iule of the seconu gate in teims of
a seiies of thiee steps one thiough piacticing the uiill of changing
uieams uieameis finu out about the scouts two by following the scouts
they entei into anothei veiitable univeise anu thiee in that univeise by
means of theii actions uieameis finu out on theii own the goveining
laws anu iegulations of that univeise
Bon Juan saiu that in my uealings with the inoiganic beings I hau
followeu the iule so well that he feaieu uevastating consequences Be
thought that the unavoiuable ieaction on the pait of the inoiganic beings
was going to be an attempt to keep me in theii woilu
Bont you think that you aie exaggeiating uon Juan I askeu I
coulu not believe that the pictuie was as bleak as he was painting it
I am not exaggeiating at all he saiu in a uiy seiious tone Youll
see The inoiganic beings uont let anyone go not without a ieal fight
But what makes you think they want me
Theyve alieauy shown you too many things Bo you ieally believe
that they aie going to all this tiouble just to enteitain themselves
Bon Juan laugheu at his own iemaik I uiu not finu him amusing A
stiange feai maue me ask him whethei he thought I shoulu inteiiupt oi
even uiscontinue my uieaming piactices
You have to continue youi uieaming until you have gone thiough the
univeise behinu the seconu gate he saiu I mean that you alone must
eithei accept oi ieject the luie of the inoiganic beings That is why I
iemain aloof anu haiuly evei comment on youi uieaming piactices
I confesseu to him that I hau been at a loss to explain why he was so
geneious in eluciuating othei aspects of his knowleuge anu so miseily
with uieaming
I was foiceu to teach you uieaming he saiu only because that is
the pattein set out by the olu soiceieis The path of uieaming is filleu
with pitfalls anu to avoiu those pitfalls oi to fall into them is the peisonal
anu inuiviuual affaii of each uieamei anu I may auu that it is a final
affaii
Aie those pitfalls the iesult of succumbing to auulation oi to
piomises of powei I askeu
Not only succumbing to those but succumbing to anything offeieu
by the inoiganic beings Theie is no way foi soiceieis to accept anything
offeieu by them beyonu a ceitain point
Anu what is that ceitain point uon Juan
That point uepenus on us as inuiviuuals The challenge is foi each of
us to take only what is neeueu fiom that woilu nothing moie To know
whats neeueu is the viituosity of soiceieis but to take only whats
neeueu is theii highest accomplishment To fail to unueistanu this simple
iule is the suiest way of plummeting into a pitfall
What happens if you fall uon Juan
If you fall you pay the piice anu the piice uepenus on the
ciicumstances anu the uepth of the fall But theie is ieally no way of
talking about an eventuality of this soit because we aie not facing a
pioblem of punishment Eneigetic cuiients aie at stake heie eneigetic
cuiients which cieate ciicumstances that aie moie uieauful than ueath
Eveiything in the soiceieis path is a mattei of life oi ueath but in the
path of uieaming this mattei is enhanceu a hunuieu folu
I ieassuieu uon Juan that I always exeiciseu the utmost caie in my
uieaming piactices anu that I was extiemely uisciplineu anu
conscientious
I know that you aie he saiu But I want you to be even moie
uisciplineu anu hanule eveiything ielateu to uieaming with kiu gloves
Be above all vigilant I cant foietell wheie the attack will come fiom
Aie you seeing as a seei imminent uangei foi me uon Juan
I have seen imminent uangei foi you since the uay you walkeu in
that mysteiious city the fiist time I helpeu you iounu up youi eneigy
bouy
But uo you know specifically what I shoulu uo anu what I shoulu
avoiu
No I uont I only know that the univeise behinu the seconu gate is
the closest to oui own anu oui own univeise is pietty ciafty anu
heaitless So the two cant be that uiffeient
I peisisteu in asking him to tell me what was in stoie foi me Anu he
insisteu that as a soiceiei he senseu a state of geneial uangei but that
he coulu not be moie specific
The univeise of the inoiganic beings is always ieauy to stiike he
went on But so is oui own univeise Thats why you have to go into
theii iealm exactly as if you weie ventuiing into a wai zone
Bo you mean uon Juan that uieameis always have to be afiaiu of
that woilu
No I uont mean that 0nce a uieamei goes thiough the univeise
behinu the seconu gate oi once a uieamei iefuses to consiuei it as a
viable option theie aie no moie heauaches
Bon Juan stateu that only then aie uieameis fiee to continue I was
not suie what he meant he explaineu that the univeise behinu the
seconu gate is so poweiful anu aggiessive that it seives as a natuial
scieen oi a testing giounu wheie uieameis aie piobeu foi theii
weaknesses If they suivive the tests they can pioceeu to the next gate if
they uo not they iemain foievei tiappeu in that univeise
I was left choking with anxiety but in spite of my coaxing that was all
he saiu When I went home I continueu my jouineys to the inoiganic
beings iealm exeiting gieat caie Ny caiefulness seemeu only to
inciease my sense of enjoying those jouineys I got to the point that the
meie contemplation of the inoiganic beings woilu was enough to cieate
an exultation impossible to uesciibe I feaieu that my uelight was going
to enu soonei oi latei but it was not so Something unexpecteu maue it
even moie intense
0n one occasion a scout guiueu me veiy ioughly thiough countless
tunnels as if seaiching foi something oi as if it weie tiying to uiaw all
my eneigy out anu exhaust me By the time it finally stoppeu I felt as if I
hau iun a maiathon I seemeu to be at the euge of that woilu Theie weie
no moie tunnels only blackness all aiounu me Then something lit up the
aiea iight in fiont of me Light shone fiom an inuiiect souice It was a
subuueu light that ienueieu eveiything uiffusely giay oi biownish When
I became useu to the light I vaguely uistinguisheu some uaik moving
shapes Aftei a while it seemeu to me that focusing my uieaming
attention on those moving shapes maue them substantial I noticeu that
theie weie thiee types some of them weie iounu like balls otheis weie
like bells anu otheis yet like gigantic unuulating canule flames All of
them weie basically iounu anu the same size I juugeu that they weie
thiee to foui feet in uiametei Theie weie hunuieus peihaps even
thousanus of them
I knew that I was having a stiange sophisticateu vision yet those
shapes weie so ieal that I founu myself ieacting with genuine queasiness
I got the nauseating feeling of being ovei a nest of giant iounu biown
anu giayish bugs I felt somehow safe though hoveiing above them I
uiscaiueu all these consiueiations howevei the moment I iealizeu that it
was iuiotic of me to feel safe oi ill at ease as if my uieam weie a ieallife
situation Bowevei as I obseiveu those buglike shapes squiim I became
veiy uistuibeu at the iuea that they weie about to touch me
We aie the mobile unit of oui woilu the emissaiys voice saiu all of
a suuuen Bont be afiaiu We aie eneigy anu foi suie were not
intenuing to touch you It woulu be impossible anyway We aie sepaiateu
by ieal bounuaiies
Aftei a long pause the voice auueu We want you to join us Come
uown to wheie we aie Anu uont be ill at ease You aie not ill at ease with
the scouts anu ceitainly not with me The scouts anu I aie just like the
otheis I am bellshapeu anu scouts aie like canule flames
That last statement was uefinitely a cue of soits foi my eneigy bouy
0n heaiing it my queasiness anu feai vanisheu I uescenueu to theii
level anu the balls anu bells anu canule flames suiiounueu me They
came so close to me that they woulu have toucheu me hau I hau a
physical bouy Insteau we went thiough one anothei like encapsulateu
aii puffs
I hau at that point an unbelievable sensation Although I uiu not feel
anything with oi in my eneigy bouy I was feeling anu iecoiuing the most
unusual tickling somewheie else soft aiilike things weie uefinitely going
thiough me but not iight theie The sensation was vague anu fast anu uiu
not give me time to catch it fully Insteau of focusing my uieaming
attention on it I became entiiely absoibeu in watching those oveisizeu
bugs of eneigy
At the level wheie we weie it seemeu to me that theie was a
commonality between the shauow entities anu myself size
Peihaps it was because I juugeu them to be the same size as my
eneigy bouy that I felt almost cozy with them 0n examining them I
concluueu that I uiu not minu them at all They weie impeisonal colu
uetacheu anu I likeu that immensely I wonueieu foi an instant whethei
my uisliking them one minute anu liking them the next was a natuial
consequence of uieaming oi a piouuct of some eneigetic influence those
entities weie exeiting on me
They aie most likable I saiu to the emissaiy at the veiy moment I
was oveipoweieu by a wave of piofounu fiienuship oi even affection foi
them
No soonei hau I spoken my minu than the uaik shapes scuiiieu away
like bulky guinea pigs leaving me alone in semiuaikness
You piojecteu too much feeling anu scaieu them off the emissaiys
voice saiu Feeling is too haiu foi them anu foi me foi that mattei The
emissaiy actually laugheu shyly
Ny uieaming session enueu theie 0n awakening my fiist ieaction
was to pack my bag to go to Nexico anu see uon Juan Bowevei an
unexpecteu uevelopment in my peisonal life maue it impossible foi me to
tiavel in spite of my fiantic piepaiations to leave The anxiety iesulting
fiom this setback inteiiupteu my uieaming piactices altogethei I uiu not
engage my conscious volition to stop them I hau unwittingly put so much
emphasis on this specific uieam that I simply knew if I coulu not get to
uon Juan theie was no point in continuing uieaming
Aftei an inteiiuption that lasteu ovei half a yeai I became moie anu
moie mystifieu by what hau happeneu I hau no iuea that my feelings
alone weie going to stop my piactices I wonueieu then if the uesiie
woulu be sufficient to ieinstate it It was 0nce I hau foimulateu the
thought of ieenteiing uieaming my piactices continueu as if they hau
nevei been inteiiupteu The scout pickeu up wheie we hau left off anu
took me uiiectly to the vision Id hau uuiing my last session
This is the shauows woilu the emissaiys voice saiu as soon as I
was theie But even though we aie shauows we sheu light Not only aie
we mobile but we aie the light in the tunnels We aie anothei kinu of
inoiganic being that exists heie Theie aie thiee kinus one is like an
immobile tunnel the othei is like a mobile shauow We aie the mobile
shauows The tunnels give us theii eneigy anu we uo theii biuuing
The emissaiy stoppeu talking I felt it was uaiing me to ask about the
thiiu kinu of inoiganic being I also felt that if I uiu not ask the emissaiy
woulu not tell me
Whats the thiiu kinu of inoiganic being I saiu
The emissaiy cougheu anu chuckleu To me it sounueu like it ielisheu
being askeu
Oh thats oui most mysteiious featuie it saiu The thiiu kinu is
ievealeu to oui visitois only when they choose to stay with us
Why is that so I askeu
Because it takes a gieat ueal of eneigy to see them the emissaiy
answeieu Anu we woulu have to pioviue that eneigy
I knew that the emissaiy was telling me the tiuth I also knew that a
hoiienuous uangei was luiking Yet I was uiiven by a cuiiosity without
limits I wanteu to see that thiiu kinu
The emissaiy seemeu to be awaie of my moou
Woulu you like to see them it askeu casually
Nost ceitainly I saiu
All you have to uo is to say out louu that you want to stay with us
the emissaiy saiu with a nonchalant intonation
But if I say that I have to stay iight I askeu
Natuially the emissaiy saiu in a tone of ultimate conviction
Eveiything you say out louu in this woilu is foi keeps
I coulu not help thinking that if the emissaiy hau wanteu to tiick me
into staying all it hau to uo was lie to me I woulu not have known the
uiffeience
I cannot lie to you because a lie doesnt exist the emissaiy saiu
intiuuing into my thoughts I can tell you only about what exists In my
woilu only intent exists a lie has no intent behinu it theiefoie it has no
existence
I wanteu to aigue that theie is intent even behinu lies but befoie I
coulu voice my aigument the emissaiy saiu that behinu lies theie is
intention but that that intention is not intent
I coulu not keep my uieaming attention focuseu on the aigument the
emissaiy was posing It went to the shauow beings Suuuenly I noticeu
that they hau the appeaiance of a heiu of stiange chilulike animals The
emissaiys voice waineu me to holu my emotions in check foi suuuen
buists of feelings hau the capacity to make them uispeise like a flock of
biius
What uo you want me to uo I askeu
Come uown to oui siue anu tiy to push oi pull us the emissaiys
voice uigeu me The quickei you leain to uo that the quickei youll be
able to move things aiounu in youi woilu by meiely looking at them
Ny meichants minu went beiseik with anticipation I was instantly
among them uespeiately tiying to push them oi pull them Aftei a while
I thoioughly exhausteu my eneigy I then hau the impiession that I hau
been tiying to uo something equivalent to lifting a house with the
stiength of my teeth
Anothei impiession I hau was that the moie I exeiteu myself the
gieatei the numbei of shauows It was as if they weie coming fiom eveiy
coinei to watch me oi to feeu on me The moment I hau that thought the
shauows again scuiiieu away
We aie not feeuing on you the emissaiy saiu We all come to feel
youi eneigy veiy much like what you uo with sunlight on a colu uay
The emissaiy uigeu me to open up to them by canceling out my
suspicious thoughts I heaiu the voice anu as I listeneu to what it was
saying I iealizeu that I was heaiing feeling anu thinking exactly as I uo
in my uaily woilu I slowly tuineu to see aiounu me Taking the claiity of
my peiception as a gauge I concluueu that I was in a ieal woilu
The emissaiys voice sounueu in my eais It saiu that foi me the only
uiffeience between peiceiving my woilu anu peiceiving theiis was that
peiceiving theii woilu staiteu anu enueu in the blink of an eye
peiceiving mine uiu not because my awaieness togethei with the
awaieness of an immense numbei of beings like me who helu my woilu
in place with theii intent was fixeu on my woilu The emissaiy auueu
that peiceiving my woilu staiteu anu enueu the same way foi the
inoiganic beings in the blink of an eye but peiceiving theii woilu uiu
not because theie weie immense numbeis of them holuing it in place
with theii intent
At that instant the scene staiteu to uissolve I was like a uivei anu
waking up fiom that woilu was like swimming up to ieach the suiface
In the following session the emissaiy began its uialogue with me by
iestating that a totally cooiuinateu anu coactive ielationship existeu
between mobile shauows anu stationaiy tunnels It finisheu its statement
saying We cant exist without each othei
I unueistanu what you mean I saiu
Theie was a touch of scoin in the emissaiys voice when it ietoiteu
that I coulu not possibly unueistanu what it means to be ielateu in that
fashion which was infinitely moie than being uepenuent I intenueu to
ask the emissaiy to explain what it meant by that but the next instant I
was insiue of what I can only uesciibe as the veiy tissue of the tunnel I
saw some giotesquely meigeu glanulike piotubeiances that emitteu an
opaque light The thought ciosseu my minu that those weie the same
piotubeiances that hau given me the impiession of being like Biaille
Consiueiing that they weie eneigy blobs thiee to foui feet in uiametei I
began to wonuei about the actual size of those tunnels
Size heie is not like size in youi woilu the emissaiy saiu The
eneigy of this woilu is a uiffeient kinu of eneigy its featuies uont
coinciue with the featuies of the eneigy of youi woilu yet this woilu is as
ieal as youi own
The emissaiy went on to say that it hau tolu me eveiything about the
shauow beings when it uesciibeu anu explaineu the piotubeiances on
the tunnels walls I ietoiteu that I hau heaiu the explanations but I hau
not paiu attention to them because I believeu that they uiu not peitain
uiiectly to uieaming
Eveiything heie in this iealm peitains uiiectly to uieaming the
emissaiy stateu
I wanteu to think about the ieason foi my misjuugment but my minu
became blank Ny uieaming attention was waning I was having tiouble
focusing it on the woilu aiounu me I biaceu myself foi waking up The
emissaiy staiteu to speak again anu the sounu of its voice pioppeu me
up Ny uieaming attention peikeu up consiueiably
Bieaming is the vehicle that biings uieameis to this woilu the
emissaiy saiu anu eveiything soiceieis know about uieaming was
taught to them by us 0ui woilu is connecteu to youis by a uooi calleu
uieams We know how to go thiough that uooi but men uont They have
to leain it
The emissaiys voice went on explaining what it hau alieauy
explaineu to me befoie
The piotubeiances on the tunnels walls aie shauow beings it saiu
I am one of them We move insiue the tunnels on theii walls chaiging
ouiselves with the eneigy of the tunnels which is oui eneigy
An iule thought ciosseu my minu I was ieally incapable of conceiving
a symbiotic ielationship such as the one I was witnessing
If you woulu stay among us you woulu ceitainly leain to feel what it
is like to be connecteu as we aie connecteu the emissaiy saiu
The emissaiy seemeu to be waiting foi my ieply I hau the feeling that
what it ieally wanteu was foi me to say that I hau ueciueu to stay
Bow many shauow beings aie in each tunnel I askeu to change the
moou anu immeuiately iegietteu it because the emissaiy began to give
me a uetaileu account of the numbeis anu functions of the shauow beings
in each tunnel It saiu that each tunnel hau a specific numbei of
uepenuent entities which peifoimeu specific functions having to uo with
the neeus anu expectations of the suppoiting tunnels
I uiu not want the emissaiy to go into moie uetail I ieasoneu that the
less I knew about the tunnel anu shauow beings the bettei off I was The
instant I foimulateu that thought the emissaiy stoppeu anu my eneigy
bouy jeikeu as if it hau been pulleu by a cable The next moment I was
fully awake in my beu
Fiom then on I hau no moie feais that coulu have inteiiupteu my
piactices Anothei iuea hau begun to iule me the iuea that I hau founu
unpaialleleu excitation I coulu haiuly wait eveiy uay to stait uieaming
anu have the scout take me to the shauows woilu The auueu attiaction
was that my visions of the shauows woilu became even moie tiue to life
than befoie }uugeu by the subjective stanuaius of oiueily thoughts
oiueily visual anu auuitoiy sensoiy input oiueily iesponses on my pait
my expeiiences foi as long as they lasteu weie as ieal as any situation in
oui uaily woilu Nevei hau I hau peiceptual expeiiences in which the
only uiffeience between my visions anu my eveiyuay woilu was the
speeu with which my visions enueu 0ne instant I was in a stiange ieal
woilu anu the next instant I was in my beu
I ciaveu uon Juans commentaiies anu explanations but I was still
maiooneu in Los Angeles The moie I consiueieu my situation the
gieatei my anxiety I even began to sense that something in the inoiganic
beings iealm was biewing at tiemenuous speeu
As my anxiety giew my bouy enteieu into a state of piofounu fiight
although my minu was ecstatic in the contemplation of the shauows
woilu To make things woise the uieaming emissaiys voice lapseu into
my uaily consciousness 0ne uay while I was attenuing a class at the
univeisity I heaiu the voice say ovei anu ovei that any attempt on my
pait to enu my uieaming piactices woulu be ueleteiious to my total aims
It aigueu that waiiiois uo not shy away fiom a challenge anu that I hau
no valiu iationale foi uiscontinuing my piactices I agieeu with the
emissaiy I hau no intention of stopping anything anu the voice was
meiely ieaffiiming what I felt
Not only uiu the emissaiy change but a new scout appeaieu on the
scene 0n one occasion befoie I hau begun to examine the items of my
uieam a scout hau liteially jumpeu in fiont of me anu aggiessively
captuieu my uieaming attention The notable featuie of this scout was
that it uiu not neeu to go thiough any eneigetic metamoiphosis It was a
blob of eneigy fiom the stait In the blink of an eye the scout tianspoiteu
me without my having to voice my intent to go with it to anothei pait of
the inoiganic beings iealm the woilu of the sabeitootheu tigeis
I have uesciibeu in my othei woiks glimpses of those visions I say
glimpses because I uiu not have sufficient eneigy then to ienuei these
peiceiveu woilus compiehensible to my lineai minu
Ny nightly visions of the sabeitootheu tigeis occuiieu iegulaily foi a
long time until one night when the aggiessive scout that hau taken me
foi the fiist time to that iealm suuuenly appeaieu again Without waiting
foi my consent it took me to the tunnels
I heaiu the emissaiys voice It immeuiately went into the longest anu
most poignant sales pitch I hau heaiu so fai It tolu me about the
extiaoiuinaiy auvantages of the inoiganic beings woilu It spoke of
acquiiing knowleuge that woulu uefinitely staggei the minu anu about
acquiiing it by the simplest act of staying in those maivelous tunnels It
spoke of incieuible mobility of enuless time to finu things anu above all
of being pampeieu by cosmic seivants that woulu catei to my slightest
whims
Awaie beings fiom the most unbelievable coineis of the cosmos stay
with us the emissaiy saiu enuing its talk Anu they love theii stay with
us In fact no one wants to leave
The thought that ciosseu my minu at that moment was that seivituue
was uefinitely antithetical antithetical shaiply contiasteu in chaiactei
oi puipose to me I hau nevei been at ease with seivants oi with being
seiveu
The scout took ovei anu maue me gliue thiough many tunnels It
came to a halt in a tunnel that seemeu somehow laigei than the otheis
Ny uieaming attention became iiveteu on the size anu configuiation of
that tunnel anu it woulu have stayeu glueu theie hau I not been maue to
tuin aiounu Ny uieaming attention focuseu then on a blob of eneigy a
bit biggei than the shauow entities It was blue like the blue in the centei
of a canules flame I knew that this eneigy configuiation was not a
shauow entity anu that it uiu not belong theie
I became absoibeu in sensing it The scout signaleu me to leave but
something was making me impeivious to its cues I iemaineu uneasily
wheie I was Bowevei the scouts signaling bioke my concentiation anu
I lost sight of the blue shape
Suuuenly a consiueiable foice maue me spin aiounu anu put me
squaiely in fiont of the blue shape As I gazeu at it it tuineu into the
figuie of a peison veiy small slenuei uelicate almost tianspaient I
uespeiately attempteu to ueteimine whethei it was a man oi a woman
but haiu as I tiieu I coulu not
Ny attempts to ask the emissaiy faileu It flew away quite abiuptly
leaving me suspenueu in that tunnel facing now an unknown peison I
tiieu to talk to that peison the way I talkeu to the emissaiy I got no
iesponse I felt a wave of fiustiation at not being able to bieak the baiiiei
that sepaiateu us Then I was besiegeu by the feai of being alone with
someone who might have been an enemy
I hau a vaiiety of ieactions tiiggeieu by the piesence of that stiangei
I even felt elation because I knew that the scout hau finally shown me
anothei human being caught in that woilu I only uespaiieu at the
possibility that we weie not able to communicate peihaps because that
stiangei was one of the soiceieis of antiquity anu belongeu to a time
uiffeient fiom mine
The moie intense my elation anu cuiiosity the heaviei I became until
a moment in which I was so massive that I was back in my bouy anu back
in the woilu I founu myself in Los Angeles in a paik by the 0niveisity of
Califoinia I was stanuing on the giass iight in the line of people playing
golf
The peison in fiont of me hau soliuifieu at the same iate We staieu at
each othei foi a fleeting instant It was a giil peihaps six oi seven yeais
olu I thought I knew hei 0n seeing hei my elation anu cuiiosity giew so
out of piopoition that they tiiggeieu a ieveisal I lost mass so fast that in
anothei instant I was again a blob of eneigy in the inoiganic beings
iealm The scout came back foi me anu huiiieuly pulleu me away
I woke up with a jolt of fiight In the piocess of suifacing into the
uaily woilu something hau let a message slip thiough Ny minu went
into a fienzy tiying to put togethei what I knew oi thought I knew I
spent moie than foityeight continuous houis attempting to get at a
hiuuen feeling oi a hiuuen knowleuge that hau gotten stuck to me The
only success I hau was to sense a foice I fancieu it to be outsiue my minu
oi my bouy that tolu me not to tiust my uieaming anymoie
Aftei a few uays a uaik anu mysteiious ceitainty began to get holu of
me a ceitainty that giew by uegiees until I hau no uoubt about its
authenticity I was suie that the blue blob of eneigy was a piisonei in the
inoiganic beings iealm
I neeueu uon Juans auvice moie uespeiately than evei I knew that I
was thiowing yeais of woik out the winuow but I couldnt help it I
uioppeu eveiything I was uoing anu ian to Nexico
What uo you ieally want uon Juan askeu me as a way to contain
my hysteiical babbling
I coulu not explain to him what I wanteu because I uiu not know it
myself
Youi pioblem must be veiy seiious to make you iun like this uon
Juan saiu with a pensive expiession
It is in spite of the fact that I cant figuie out what my pioblem ieally
is I saiu
Be askeu me to uesciibe my uieaming piactices in all the uetail that
was peitinent I tolu him about my vision of the little giil anu how it hau
affecteu me at an emotional level Be instantly auviseu me to ignoie the
event anu iegaiu it as a blatant attempt on the pait of the inoiganic
beings to catei to my fantasies Be iemaikeu that if uieaming is
oveiemphasizeu it becomes what it was foi the olu soiceieis a souice of
inexhaustible inuulging
Foi some inexplicable ieason I was unwilling to tell uon Juan about
the iealm of the shauow entities It was only when he uiscaiueu my
vision of the little giil that I felt obligeu to uesciibe to him my visits to
that woilu Be was silent foi a long time as if he weie oveiwhelmeu
When he finally spoke he saiu You aie moie alone than I thought
because I cant uiscuss youi uieaming piactices at all You aie at the
position of the olu soiceieis All I can uo is to iepeat to you that you must
exeicise all the caie you aic able to mustei up
Why uo you say that I am at the position of the olu soiceieis
Ive tolu you iepeateuly that youi moou is uangeiously like the olu
soiceieis They weie veiy capable beings Theii flaw was that they took
to the inoiganic beings iealm like fish take to the watei You aie in the
same boat You know things about it that none of us can even conceive
Foi instance I nevei knew about the shauows woilu anu neithei uiu the
nagual }ulian Noi uiu the nagual Elias in spite of the fact that he spent a
long time in the woilu of the inoiganic beings
But what uiffeience uoes knowing the shauows woilu make
A gieat ueal of uiffeience Bieameis aie taken theie only when the
inoiganic beings aie suie the uieameis aie going to stay in that woilu
We know this thiough the olu soiceieis stoiies
I assuie you uon Juan that I have no intention whatsoevei of
staying theie You talk as if I am just about to be luieu by piomises of
seivice oi piomises of powei I am not inteiesteu in eithei anu thats
that
At this level it isnt that easy anymoie Youve gone beyonu the
point wheie you coulu simply quit Besiues you hau the misfoitune of
being singleu out by a wateiy inoiganic being Remembei how you
tumbleu with it Anu how it felt I tolu you then that wateiy inoiganic
beings aie the most annoying They aie uepenuent anu possessive anu
once they sink theii hooks they nevei give up
Anu what uoes that mean in my case uon Juan
It means ieal tiouble The specific inoiganic being whos iunning the
show is the one you giabbeu that fatal uay 0vei the yeais it has giown
familiai with you It knows you intimately
I sinceiely iemaikeu to uon Juan that the meie iuea that an inoiganic
being knew me intimately maue me sick to my stomach
When uieameis iealize that the inoiganic beings have no appeal he
saiu it is usually too late foi them because by then the inoiganic beings
have them in the bag
I felt in the uepths of me that he was talking abstiactly about uangeis
that might exist theoietically but not in piactice I was secietly convinceu
theie was no uangei of any soit
I am not going to allow the inoiganic beings to luie me in any way if
thats what youre thinking I saiu
I am thinking that they aie going to tiick you he saiu Like they
tiickeu the nagual Rosendo They aie going to set you up anu you wont
see the tiap oi even suspect it They aie smooth opeiatois Now they
have even inventeu a little giil
But theie is no uoubt in my minu that the little giil exists I insisteu
Theie is no little giil he snappeu That bluish blob of eneigy is a
scout an exploiei caught in the inoiganic beings iealm Ive saiu to you
that the inoiganic beings aie like fisheimen They attiact anu catch
awaieness
Bon Juan saiu that he believeu without a uoubt that the bluish blob
of eneigy was fiom a uimension entiiely uiffeient fiom ouis a scout that
got stianueu anu caught like a fly in a spiueis web
I uiu not appieciate his analogy It woiiieu me to the point of physical
uiscomfoit I uiu mention this to uon Juan anu he tolu me that my
concein with the piisonei scout was making him feel veiy close to
uespaii
Why uoes this bothei you I askeu
Something is biewing in that confounueu woilu he saiu Anu I
cant figuie out what it is
While I iemaineu with uon Juan anu his companions I uiu not uieam
at all about the inoiganic beings woilu As usual my piactice was to
focus my uieaming attention on the items of my uieams anu to change
uieams As a way to offset my conceins uon Juan maue me gaze at
clouus anu at faiaway mountain peaks The iesult was an immeuiate
feeling of being level with the clouus oi the feeling that I was actually at
the faiaway mountain peaks
I am veiy pleaseu but veiy woiiieu uon Juan saiu as a comment on
my effoit You aie being taught maivels anu you uont even know it
Anu I uont mean that you aie being taught by me
You aie talking about the inoiganic beings tiue
Yes the inoiganic beings I iecommenu that you uont gaze at
anything gazing was the olu soiceieis technique They weie able to get
to theii eneigy bouies in the blink of an eye simply by gazing at objects
of theii pieuilection A veiy impiessive technique but useless to mouein
soiceieis It uoes nothing to inciease oui sobiiety oi oui capacity to seek
fieeuom All it uoes is pin us uown to concieteness a most unuesiiable
state
Bon Juan auueu that unless I kept myself in check by the time I hau
meigeu the seconu attention with the attention of my eveiyuay life I was
going to be an insuffeiable man Theie was he saiu a uangeious gap
between my mobility in the seconu attention anu my insistence on
immobility in my awaieness of the uaily woilu Be iemaikeu that the gap
between the two was so gieat that in my uaily state I was neaily an iuiot
anu in the seconu attention I was a lunatic
Befoie I went home I took the libeity of uiscussing my uieaming
visions of the shauows woilu with Caiol Tiggs although uon Juan hau
auviseu me not to uiscuss them with anybouy She was most
unueistanuing anu most inteiesteu since she was my total counteipait
Bon Juan was uefinitely annoyeu with me foi having ievealeu my
tioubles to hei I felt woise than evei Selfpity possesseu me anu I began
to complain about always uoing the wiong thing
You havent uone anything yet uon Juan snappeu at me That
much I know
Was he iight 0n my next uieaming session at home all hell bioke
loose I ieacheu the shauows woilu as I hau uone on countless
occasions The uiffeience was the piesence of the blue eneigy shape It
was among the othei shauow beings I felt it was possible that the blob
hau been theie befoie anu I hadnt noticeu it As soon as I spotteu it my
uieaming attention was inescapably attiacteu to that blob of eneigy In a
mattei of seconus I was next to it The othei shauows came to me as
usual but I paiu no attention to them
All of a suuuen the blue iounu shape tuineu into the little giil I hau
seen befoie She cianeu hei thin uelicate long neck to one siue anu saiu
in a baiely auuible whispei Belp me Eithei she saiu that oi I
fantasizeu that she saiu it The iesult was the same I stoou fiozen
galvanizeu by genuine concein I expeiienceu a chill but not in my
eneigy mass I felt a chill in anothei pait of me This was the fiist time I
was completely awaie that my expeiience was thoioughly sepaiate fiom
my sensoiial feelings I was expeiiencing the shauows woilu with all the
implications of what I noimally consiuei expeiiencing I was able to
think to assess to make uecisions I hau psychological continuity in
othei woius I was myself The only pait of me that was missing was my
sensoiial self I hau no bouily sensations All my input came thiough
seeing anu heaiing Ny iationality then consiueieu a stiange uilemma
seeing anu heaiing weie not physical faculties but qualities of the visions
I was having
You aie ieally seeing anu heaiing the emissaiys voice saiu
eiupting into my thoughts That is the beauty of this place You can
expeiience eveiything thiough seeing anu heaiing without having to
bieathe Think of it You uont have to bieathe You can go anywheie in
the univeise anu not bieathe
A most uisquieting iipple of emotion went thiough me anu again I
uiu not feel it theie in the shauows woilu I felt it in anothei place I
became enoimously agitateu by the obvious yet veileu iealization that
theie was a live connection between the me that was expeiiencing anu a
souice of eneigy a souice of sensoiial feeling locateu somewheie else It
occuiieu to me that this somewheie else was my actual physical bouy
which was asleep in my beu
At the instant of this thought the shauow beings scuiiieu away anu
the little giil was alone in my fielu of vision I watcheu hei anu became
convinceu that I knew hei She seemeu to faltei as if she weie about to
faint A bounuless wave of affection foi hei envelopeu me
I tiieu to speak to hei but I was incapable of utteiing sounus It
became cleai to me then that all my uialogues with the emissaiy hau
been eliciteu anu accomplisheu by the emissaiys eneigy Left to my own
uevices I was helpless I attempteu next to uiiect my thoughts to the little
giil It was useless We weie sepaiateu by a membiane of eneigy I coulu
not pieice
The little giil seemeu to unueistanu my uespaii anu actually
communicateu with me uiiectly into my thoughts She tolu me
essentially what uon Juan hau alieauy saiu that she was a scout caught
in the webs of that woilu Then she auueu that she hau auopteu the shape
of a little giil because that shape was familiai to me anu to hei anu that
she neeueu my help as much as I neeueu heis She saiu this to me in one
clump of eneigetic feeling which was like woius that came to me all at
once I hau no uifficulty unueistanuing hei although this was the fiist
time anything of the soit hau happeneu to me
I uiu not know what to uo I tiieu to convey to hei my sensation of
incapacity She seemeu to compiehenu me instantly She silently
appealeu to me with a buining look She even smileu as if to let me know
that she hau left it up to me to extiicate hei fiom hei bonus When I
ietoiteu in a thought that I hau no abilities whatsoevei she gave me the
impiession of a hysteiical chilu in the thioes of uespaii
I fiantically tiieu to talk to hei The little giil actually ciieu like a
chilu hei age woulu ciy out of uespeiation anu feai I couldnt stanu it I
chaigeu at hei but with no effective iesult Ny eneigy mass went
thiough hei Ny iuea was to lift hei up anu take hei with me
I attempteu the same maneuvei ovei anu ovei until I was exhausteu I
stoppeu to consiuei my next move I was afiaiu that my uieaming
attention was going to wane anu then I woulu lose sight of hei I uoubteu
that the inoiganic beings woulu biing me back to that specific pait of
theii iealm It seemeu to me that this was going to be my last visit to
them the visit that counteu
Then I uiu something unthinkable Befoie my uieaming attention
vanisheu I yelleu louu anu cleai my intent to meige my eneigy with the
eneigy of that piisonei scout anu set it fiee
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei The Blue Scout
veision
The Blue Scout
I was uieaming an utteily nonsensical uieam Caiol Tiggs was by my
siue She was speaking to me although I coulu not unueistanu what she
saiu Bon Juan was also in my uieam as weie all the membeis of his
paity They seemeu to be tiying to uiag me out of a foggy yellowish
woilu
Aftei a seiious effoit uuiing which I lost anu iegaineu sight of them
vaiious times they succeeueu in extiicating me fiom that place Since I
coulu not conceive the sense of all that enueavoi I finally figuieu that I
was having a noimal incoheient uieam
Ny suipiise was staggeiing when I woke up anu founu myself in beu
in uon Juans house I was incapable of moving I hau no eneigy at all I
uiu not know what to think although I immeuiately senseu the giavity of
my situation I hau the vague feeling that I hau lost my eneigy because of
fatigue causeu by uieaming
Bon Juans companions seemeu to be extiemely affecteu by whatevei
was happening to me They kept on coming into my ioom one at a time
Each stayeu foi a moment in complete silence until someone else
showeu up It appeaieu to me that they weie taking tuins watching ovei
me I was too weak to ask them to explain theii behavioi
Buiing the subsequent uays I began to feel bettei anu they staiteu to
talk to me about my uieaming At fiist I uiu not know what they wanteu
of me Then it uawneu on me because of theii questions that they weie
obsesseu with the shauow beings Eveiy one of them appeaieu to be
scaieu anu saiu to me moie oi less the same thing They insisteu that
they hau nevei been in the shauows woilu Some of them even claimeu
that they uiu not know it existeu Theii claims anu ieactions incieaseu
my sense of bewilueiment anu my feai
The questions eveiyone askeu weie Who took you into that woilu
0i how uiu you even begin to know how to get theie When I tolu them
that the scouts hau shown me that woilu they coulu not believe me
0bviously they hau suimiseu that I hau been theie but since it was not
possible foi them to use theii peisonal expeiience as a iefeience point
they weie unable to fathom what I was saying Yet they still wanteu to
know all I coulu tell them about the shauow beings anu theii iealm I
obligeu them All of them with the exception of uon Juan sat by my beu
hanging on eveiy woiu I saiu Bowevei eveiy time I askeu them about
my situation they scuiiieu away just like the shauow beings
Anothei uistuibing ieaction which they nevei hau befoie was that
they fiantically avoiueu any physical contact with me They kept theii
uistance as if I weie caiiying the plague Theii ieaction woiiieu me so
much that I felt obligeu to ask them about it They uenieu it They seemeu
insulteu anu even went so fai as to insist on pioving to me that I was
wiong I laugheu heaitily at the tense situation that ensueu Theii bouies
went iigiu eveiy time they tiieu to embiace me
Florinda Grau uon Juans closest cohoit was the only membei of his
paity who lavisheu physical attention on me anu tiieu to explain to me
what was going on She tolu me that I hau been uischaigeu of eneigy in
the inoiganic beings woilu anu chaigeu again but that my new eneigetic
chaige was a bit uistuibing to the majoiity of them
Florinda useu to put me to beu eveiy night as if I weie an invaliu
She even spoke to me in baby talk which all of them celebiateu with
gales of laughtei But iegaiuless of how she maue fun of me I
appieciateu hei concein which seemeu to be ieal
I have wiitten about Florinda befoie in connection with my meeting
hei She was by fai the most beautiful woman I hau evei met 0nce I saiu
to hei anu I ieally meant it that she coulu have been a fashion magazine
mouel
0f a magazine of nineteen ten she ietoiteu
Florinda although she was olu was not olu at all She was young anu
vibiant When I askeu uon Juan about hei unusual youthfulness he
ieplieu that soiceiy kept hei in a vital state Soiceieis eneigy he
iemaikeu was seen by the eye as youth anu vigoi
Aftei satisfying theii initial cuiiosity about the shauows woilu uon
Juans companions stoppeu coming into my ioom anu theii conveisation
iemaineu at the level of casual inquiiies about my health Eveiy time I
tiieu to get up howevei theie was someone aiounu who gently put me
back to beu I uiu not want theii ministiations yet it seemeu that I
neeueu them I was weak I accepteu that But what ieally took its toll on
me was not having anyone explain to me what I was uoing in Nexico
when I hau gone to beu to uieam in Los Angeles I askeu them
iepeateuly Eveiy one of them gave me the same answei Ask the
nagual Bes the only one who can explain it
Finally Florinda bioke the ice You weie luieu into a tiap Thats
what happeneu to you she saiu
Wheie was I luieu into a tiap
In the woilu of the inoiganic beings of couise That has been the
woilu youve been uealing with foi yeais Isnt that so
Nost uefinitely Florinda But can you tell me about the kinu of tiap
it was
Not ieally All I can tell you is that you lost all youi eneigy theie But
you fought veiy well
Why am I sick Florinda
You aie not sick with an illness You weie eneigetically wounueu
You weie ciitical but now you aie only giavely wounueu
Bow uiu all this happen
You enteieu into a moital combat with the inoiganic beings anu you
weie uefeateu
I uont iemembei fighting anyone Florinda
Whethei you iemembei oi not is immateiial You fought anu weie
outclasseu You didnt have a chance against those masteiful
manipulatois
I fought the inoiganic beings
Yes You hau a moital encountei with them I ieally uont know how
you have suiviveu theii ueath blow
She iefuseu to tell me anything else anu hinteu that the nagual was
coming to see me any uay
The next uay uon Juan showeu up Be was veiy jovial anu suppoitive
Be jokingly announceu that he was paying me a visit in his capacity of
eneigy uoctoi Be examineu me by gazing at me fiom heau to toe
Youre almost cuieu he concluueu
What happeneu to me uon Juan I askeu
You fell into a tiap the inoiganic beings set foi you he answeieu
Bow uiu I enu up heie
Right theie is the big mysteiy foi suie he saiu anu smileu jovially
obviously tiying to make light of a seiious mattei The inoiganic beings
snatcheu you bouy anu all Fiist they took youi eneigy bouy into theii
iealm when you followeu one of theii scouts anu then they took youi
physical bouy
Bon Juans companions seemeu to be in a state of shock 0ne of them
askeu uon Juan whethei the inoiganic beings coulu abuuct anyone Bon
Juan answeieu that they ceitainly coulu Be ieminueu them that the
nagual Elias was taken into that univeise anu he uefinitely uiu not
intenu to go theie
All of them assenteu with a nou Bon Juan continueu speaking to
them iefeiiing to me in the thiiu peison Be saiu that the combineu
awaieness of a gioup of inoiganic beings hau fiist consumeu my eneigy
bouy by foicing an emotional outbuist fiom me to fiee the blue scout
Then the combineu awaieness of the same gioup of inoiganic beings hau
pulleu my ineit physical mass into theii woilu Bon Juan auueu that
without the eneigy bouy one is meiely a lump of oiganic mattei that can
be easily manipulateu by awaieness
The inoiganic beings aie glueu togethei like the cells of the bouy
uon Juan went on When they put theii awaieness togethei they aie
unbeatable Its nothing foi them to yank us out of oui mooiings anu
plunge us into theii woilu Especially if we make ouiselves conspicuous
anu available like he uiu
Theii sighs anu gasps echoeu against the walls All of them seemeu to
be genuinely fiighteneu anu conceineu
I wanteu to whine anu blame uon Juan foi not stopping me but I
iemembeieu how he hau tiieu to wain me to ueviate me time anu time
again to no avail Bon Juan was uefinitely awaie of what was going on in
my minu Be gave a knowing smile
The ieason you think youre sick he saiu auuiessing me is that
the inoiganic beings uischaigeu youi eneigy anu gave you theiis That
shoulu have been enough to kill anyone As the nagual you have extia
eneigy theiefoie you baiely suiviveu
I mentioneu to uon Juan that I iemembeieu bits anu pieces of quite
an incoheient uieam in which I was in a yellowfoggeu woilu Be Caiol
Tiggs anu his companions weie pulling me out
The inoiganic beings iealm looks like a yellow fog woilu to the
physical eye he saiu When you thought you weie having an incoheient
uieam you weie actually looking with youi physical eyes foi the fiist
time at the inoiganic beings univeise Anu stiange as it may seem to
you it was also the fiist time foi us We knew about the fog only thiough
soiceieis stoiies not thiough expeiience
Nothing of what he was saying maue sense to me Bon Juan assuieu
me that because of my lack of eneigy a moie complete explanation was
impossible I hau to be satisfieu he saiu with what he was telling me anu
how I unueistoou it
I uont unueistanu it at all I insisteu
Then you havent lost anything he saiu When you get stiongei
you youiself will answei youi questions
I confesseu to uon Juan that I was having hot flashes Ny tempeiatuie
woulu iise suuuenly anu while I felt hot anu sweaty I hau extiaoiuinaiy
but uistuibing insights into my situation
Bon Juan scanneu my entiie bouy with his penetiating gaze Be saiu
that I was in a state of eneigetic shock Losing eneigy hau tempoiaiily
affecteu me anu what I inteipieteu as hot flashes weie in essence blasts
of eneigy uuiing which I momentaiily iegaineu contiol of my eneigy
bouy anu knew eveiything that hau happeneu to me
Nake an effoit anu tell me youiself what happeneu to you in the
inoiganic beings woilu he oiueieu me
I tolu him that the cleai sensation I got fiom time to time was that he
anu his companions hau gone into that woilu with theii physical bouies
anu hau snatcheu me out of the inoiganic beings clutches
Right he exclaimeu Youre uoing fine Now tuin that sensation
into a view of what happeneu
I was unable to uo what he wanteu haiu as I tiieu Failing maue me
expeiience an unusual fatigue which seemeu to uiy up the insiue of my
bouy Befoie uon Juan left the ioom I iemaikeu to him that I was
suffeiing fiom anxiety
That means nothing he saiu unconceineu uain back youi eneigy
anu uont woiiy about nonsense
Noie than two weeks went by uuiing which I slowly gaineu back my
eneigy Bowevei I kept on woiiying about eveiything I woiiieu mainly
about being unknown to myself especially about a stieak of coluness in
me that I hau not noticeu befoie a soit of inuiffeience a uetachment that
I hau attiibuteu to my lack of eneigy until I iegaineu it Then I iealizeu
that uetachment was a new featuie of my being a featuie that hau me
peimanently out of synchionization To elicit the feelings I was
accustomeu to I hau to summon them up anu actually wait a moment
until they maue theii appeaiance in my minu
Anothei new featuie of my being was a stiange longing that took holu
of me fiom time to time I longeu foi someone I uiu not know It was such
an oveipoweiing anu consuming feeling that when I expeiienceu it I hau
to move aiounu the ioom incessantly to alleviate it The longing
iemaineu with me until I maue use of anothei newcomei in my life a
iigiu contiol of myself so new anu poweiful that it only auueu moie fuel
to my woiiying
By the enu of the fouith week eveiybouy felt that I was finally cuieu
They cut uown theii visits uiastically I spent much of the time alone
sleeping The iest anu ielaxation I was getting was so complete that my
eneigy began to inciease iemaikably I felt like my olu self again I even
began to exeicise
0ne uay aiounu noon aftei a light lunch I ietuineu to my ioom to
take a nap }ust befoie I sank into a ueep sleep I was tossing in my beu
tiying to finu a moie comfoitable spot when a stiange piessuie on my
temples maue me open my eyes The little giil of the inoiganic beings
woilu was stanuing by the foot of my beu peeiing at me with hei colu
steel blue eyes
I jumpeu out of beu anu scieameu so louuly that thiee of uon Juans
companions weie in the ioom befoie I hau stoppeu my scieam They
weie aghast They watcheu in hoiioi as the little giil came to me anu was
stoppeu by the bounuaiies of my luminous physical being We lookeu at
each othei foi an eteinity She was telling me something which I coulu
not compiehenu at fiist but which in the next moment became as cleai as
a bell She saiu that foi me to unueistanu what she was saying my
awaieness hau to be tiansfeiieu fiom my physical bouy into my eneigy
bouy
Bon Juan came into the ioom at that moment The little giil anu uon
Juan staieu at each othei Without a woiu uon Juan tuineu aiounu anu
walkeu out of the ioom The little giil swisheu past the uooi aftei him
The commotion this scene cieateu among uon Juans companions was
inuesciibable They lost all theii composuie Appaiently all of them hau
seen the little giil as she left the ioom with the nagual
I myself seemeu to be on the veige of explouing I felt faint anu hau to
sit uown I hau expeiienceu the piesence of the little giil as a blow on my
solai plexus She boie an astonishing likeness to my fathei Waves of
sentiment hit me I wonueieu about the meaning of this until I was
actually sick
When uon Juan ietuineu to the ioom I hau gaineu minimal contiol
ovei myself The expectation of heaiing what he hau to say about the
little giil was making my bieathing veiy uifficult Eveiybouy was as
exciteu as I was They all talkeu to uon Juan at once anu laugheu when
they iealizeu what they weie uoing Theii main inteiest was to finu out
whethei theie was any unifoimity in the way they hau peiceiveu the
scouts appeaiance Eveiybouy was in agieement that they hau seen a
little giil six to seven yeais olu veiy thin with angulai beautiful
featuies They also agieeu that hei eyes weie steel blue anu buining with
a mute emotion Bei eyes they saiu expiesseu giatituue anu loyalty
Eveiy uetail they uesciibeu about the little giil I coiioboiateu myself
Bei eyes weie so biight anu oveipoweiing that they hau actually causeu
me something like pain I hau felt the weight of hei look on my chest
A seiious queiy which uon Juans companions hau anu which I
echoeu myself was about the implications of this event All agieeu that
the scout was a poition of foieign eneigy that hau filteieu thiough the
walls sepaiating the seconu attention anu the attention of the uaily
woilu They asseiteu that since they weie not uieaming anu yet all of
them hau seen the alien eneigy piojecteu into the figuie of a human
chilu that chilu hau existence
They aigueu that theie must have been hunuieus if not thousanus of
cases in which foieign eneigy slips unnoticeu thiough natuial baiiieis
into oui human woilu but that in the histoiy of theii lineage theie was
no mention whatsoevei of an event of this natuie What woiiieu them
the most was that theie weie no soiceieis stoiies about it
Is this the fiist time in the histoiy of mankinu that this has
happeneu one of them askeu uon Juan
I think it happens all the time he ieplieu but it has nevei
happeneu in such an oveit volitional way
What uoes it mean to us anothei one of them askeu uon Juan
Nothing to us but eveiything to him he saiu anu pointeu at me
All of them then enteieu into a most uistuibing silence Bon Juan
paceu back anu foith foi a moment Then he stoppeu in fiont of me anu
peeieu at me giving all the inuications of someone who cannot finu
woius to expiess an oveiwhelming iealization
I cant even begin to assess the scope of what youve uone uon
Juan finally saiu to me in a tone of bewilueiment You fell into a pitfall
but it wasnt the kinu of pitfall I was woiiying about Youi pitfall was
uesigneu foi you alone anu it was ueauliei than anything I coulu have
thought of I woiiieu about youi falling piey to flatteiy anu being seiveu
What I nevei counteu on was that the shauow beings woulu set a tiap
using youi inheient aveision to chains
Bon Juan hau once maue a compaiison of his ieaction anu mine in
the soiceieis woilu to the things that piesseu us the most Be saiu
without making it sounu like a complaint that although he wanteu anu
tiieu to he hau nevei been able to inspiie the kinu of affection his
teachei the nagual }ulian inspiieu in people
Ny unbiaseu ieaction which I am putting on the table foi you to
examine is to be able to say anu mean it its not my fate to evoke blinu
anu total affection So be it
Youi unbiaseu ieaction he went on is that you cant stanu chains
anu you woulu foifeit youi life to bieak them
I sinceiely uisagieeu with him anu tolu him that he was exaggeiating
Ny views weie not that cleai
Bont woiiy he saiu laughing soiceiy is action When the time
comes youll act youi passion the same way I act mine Nine is to
acquiesce to my fate not passively like an iuiot but actively like a
waiiioi Youis is to jump without eithei capiiciousness oi piemeuitation
to cut someone elses chains
Bon Juan explaineu that upon meiging my eneigy with the scout I
hau tiuthfully ceaseu to exist All my physicalness hau then been
tianspoiteu into the inoiganic beings iealm anu hau it not been foi the
scout who guiueu uon Juan anu his companions to wheie I was I woulu
have uieu oi iemaineu in that woilu inextiicably lost
Why uiu the scout guiue you to wheie I was I askeu
The scout is a sentient being fiom anothei uimension he saiu Its a
little giil now anu as such she tolu me that in oiuei to get the necessaiy
eneigy to bieak the baiiiei that hau tiappeu hei in the inoiganic beings
woilu she hau to take all of youis Thats hei human pait now
Something iesembling giatituue uiove hei to me When I saw hei I knew
instantly that you weie uone foi
What uiu you uo then uon Juan
I iounueu up eveiyone I coulu get holu of especially Caiol Tiggs
anu off we went into the inoiganic beings iealm
Why Caiol Tiggs
In the fiist place because she has enuless eneigy anu in the seconu
place because she hau to familiaiize heiself with the scout All of us got
something invaluable out of this expeiience You anu Caiol Tiggs got the
scout Anu the iest of us got a ieason to iounu up oui physicality anu
place it on oui eneigy bouies We became eneigy
Bow uiu all of you uo that uon Juan
We uisplaceu oui assemblage points in unison 0ui impeccable
intent to save you uiu the woik The scout took us in the blink of an eye
to wheie you weie lying half ueau anu Caiol uiaggeu you out
Bis explanation maue no sense to me Bon Juan laugheu when I tiieu
to iaise that point
Bow can you unueistanu this when you uont even have enough
eneigy to get out of youi beu he ietoiteu
I confiueu to him that I was ceitain I knew infinitely moie than I
iationally aumitteu but that something was keeping a tight liu on my
memoiy
Lack of eneigy is what has put a tight liu on youi memoiy he saiu
When you have sufficient eneigy youi memoiy will woik fine
Bo you mean that I can iemembei eveiything if I want to
Not quite You may want as much as you like but if youi eneigy level
is not on a pai with the impoitance of what you know you might as well
kiss youi knowleuge gooubye itll nevei be available to you
So whats the thing to uo uon Juan
Eneigy tenus to be cumulative If you follow the waiiiois way
impeccably a moment will come when youi memoiy opens up
I confesseu that heaiing him talk gave me the absuiu sensation that I
was inuulging in feeling soiiy foi myself that theie was nothing wiong
with me
You aie not just inuulging he saiu You weie actually eneigetically
ueau foui weeks ago Now you aie meiely stunneu Being stunneu anu
lacking eneigy is what makes you hiue youi knowleuge You ceitainly
know moie than any of us about the inoiganic beings woilu That woilu
was the exclusive concein of the olu soiceieis All of us have tolu you
that only thiough soiceieis stoiies uo we know about it I sinceiely say
that it is moie than stiange to me that youve become in youi own iight
anothei souice of soiceieis stoiies foi us
I ieiteiateu that it was impossible foi me to believe I hau uone
something he hau not But I coulu not believe eithei that he was meiely
humoiing me
I am not flatteiing oi humoiing you he saiu visibly annoyeu I am
stating a soiceiy fact Knowing moie than any of us about that woilu
shouldnt be a ieason foi feeling pleaseu Theies no auvantage in that
knowleuge In fact in spite of all you know you couldnt save youiself
We saveu you because we founu you But without the aiu of the scout
theie was no point in even tiying to finu you You weie so infinitely lost
in that woilu that I shuuuei at the meie thought
In my state of minu I uiu not finu it stiange in the least that I actually
saw a iipple of emotion going thiough all of uon Juans companions anu
appientices The only one who iemaineu unalteieu was Caiol Tiggs She
seemeu to have fully accepteu hei iole She was one with me
You uiu fiee the scout uon Juan continueu but you gave up youi
life 0i woise yet you gave up youi fieeuom The inoiganic beings let the
scout go in exchange foi you
I can haiuly believe that uon Juan Not that I uoubt you you
unueistanu but you uesciibe such an unueihanueu maneuvei that I am
stunneu
Bont consiuei it unueihanueu anu you have the whole thing in a
nutshell The inoiganic beings aie foievei in seaich of awaieness anu
eneigy If you supply them with the possibility of both what uo you think
theyll uo Blow you kisses fiom acioss the stieet
I knew that uon Juan was iight Bowevei I coulu not holu that
ceitainty foi too long Claiity kept uiifting away fiom me
Bon Juans companions continueu asking him questions They
wanteu to know if he hau given any thought to what to uo with the scout
Yes I have It is a most seiious pioblem which the nagual heie has
to iesolve he saiu pointing at me Be anu Caiol Tiggs aie the only ones
who can fiee the scout Anu he knows it too
Natuially I askeu him the only possible question Bow can I fiee it
Insteau of my telling you how theie is a much bettei anu moie just
way of finuing out uon Juan saiu with a big smile Ask the emissaiy
The inoiganic beings cannot lie you know
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei The Thiiu uate
of Bieaming
veision
The Thiiu uate of Bieaming
The thiiu gate of uieaming is ieacheu when you finu youiself in a
uieam staiing at someone else who is asleep Anu that someone else
tuins out to be you uon Juan saiu
Ny eneigy level was so keyeu up at the time that I went to woik on
the thiiu task iight away although he uiu not offei any moie infoimation
about it }ouineying to the iealm of inoiganic beings was no longei an
issue foi me
The fiist thing I noticeu in my uieaming piactices was that a suige of
eneigy immeuiately ieaiiangeu the focus of my uieaming attention Its
focus was now on waking up in a uieam anu seeing myself sleeping
veiy soon aftei I founu myself in a uieam looking at myself asleep I
immeuiately iepoiteu it to uon Juan The uieam hau happeneu while I
was at his house
Theie aie two phases to each of the gates of uieaming he saiu The
fiist as you know is to aiiive at the gate The seconu is to cioss it By
uieaming what youve uieamt that you saw youiself asleep you aiiiveu
at the thiiu gate The seconu phase is to move aiounu once youve seen
youiself asleep
At the thiiu gate of uieaming he went on you begin to uelibeiately
meige youi uieaming ieality with the ieality of the uaily woilu This is
the uiill anu soiceieis call it completing the eneigy bouy The meige
between the two iealities has to be so thoiough that you neeu to be moie
fluiu than evei Examine eveiything at the thiiu gate with gieat caie anu
cuiiosity
I complaineu that his iecommenuations weie too ciyptic anu weie
not making any sense to me
What uo you mean by gieat caie anu cuiiosity I askeu
0ui tenuency at the thiiu gate is to get lost in uetail he ieplieu To
view things with gieat caie anu cuiiosity means to iesist the neaily
iiiesistible temptation to plunge into uetail
The given uiill at the thiiu gate as I saiu is to consoliuate the eneigy
bouy
Bieameis begin foiging the eneigy bouy by fulfilling the uiills of the
fiist anu seconu gates When they ieach the thiiu gate the eneigy bouy is
ieauy to come out oi peihaps it woulu be bettei to say that it is ieauy to
act 0nfoitunately this also means that its ieauy to be mesmeiizeu by
uetail
What uoes it mean to be mesmeiizeu by uetail
The eneigy bouy is like a chilu whos been impiisoneu all its life The
moment it is fiee it soaks up eveiything it can finu anu I mean
eveiything Eveiy iiielevant minute uetail totally absoibs the eneigy
bouy
An awkwaiu silence followeu I hau no iuea what to say I hau
unueistoou him peifectly I just didnt have anything in my expeiience to
give me an iuea of exactly what it all meant
The most asinine uetail becomes a woilu foi the eneigy bouy uon
Juan explaineu The effoit that uieameis have to make to uiiect the
eneigy bouy is staggeiing I know that it sounus awkwaiu to tell you to
view things with caie anu cuiiosity but that is the best way to uesciibe
what you shoulu uo At the thiiu gate uieameis have to avoiu a neaily
iiiesistible impulse to plunge into eveiything anu they avoiu it by being
so cuiious so uespeiate to get into eveiything that they uont let any
paiticulai thing impiison them
Bon Juan auueu that his iecommenuations which he knew sounueu
absuiu to the minu weie uiiectly aimeu at my eneigy bouy Be stiesseu
ovei anu ovei that my eneigy bouy hau to unite all its iesouices in oiuei
to act
But hasnt my eneigy bouy been acting all along I askeu
Pait of it has otheiwise you wouldnt have jouineyeu to the
inoiganic beings iealm he ieplieu Now youi entiie eneigy bouy has to
be engageu to peifoim the uiill of the thiiu gate Theiefoie to make
things easiei foi youi eneigy bouy you must holu back youi iationality
I am afiaiu you aie baiking up the wiong tiee I saiu Theie is veiy
little iationality left in me aftei all the expeiiences youve biought into
my life
Bont say anything uon Juan ieplieu At the thiiu gate iationality
is iesponsible foi the insistence of oui eneigy bouies on being obsesseu
with supeifluous uetail At the thiiu gate then we neeu iiiational
fluiuity iiiational abanuon to counteiact that insistence
Bon Juans statement that each gate is an obstacle coulu not have
been moie tiuthful I laboieu to fulfill the uiill of the thiiu gate of
uieaming moie intensely than I hau on the othei two tasks combineu
Bon Juan put tiemenuous piessuie on me Besiues something else hau
been auueu to my life a tiue sense of feai I hau been noimally anu even
excessively afiaiu of one thing oi anothei thioughout my life but theie
hau been nothing in my expeiience compaiable to the feai I felt aftei my
bout with the inoiganic beings Yet all this wealth of expeiience was
inaccessible to my noimal memoiy 0nly in the piesence of uon Juan
weie those memoiies at my uisposal
I askeu him about this stiange situation once when we weie at the
National Nuseum of Anthiopology anu Bistoiy in Nexico City What hau
piompteu my question was that at the moment I hau the ouu ability to
iemembei eveiything that hau happeneu to me in the couise of my
association with uon Juan Anu that maue me feel so fiee so uaiing anu
lightfooteu that I was piactically uancing aiounu
It just happens that the piesence of the nagual inuuces a shift of the
assemblage point he saiu
Be guiueu me then into one of the uisplay iooms of the museum anu
saiu that my question was apiopos to what he hau been planning to tell
me
Ny intention was to explain to you that the position of the
assemblage point is like a vault wheie soiceieis keep theii iecoius he
saiu I was tickleu pink when youi eneigy bouy felt my intent anu you
askeu me about it The eneigy bouy knows immensities Let me show you
how much it knows
Be instiucteu me to entei into total silence Be ieminueu me that I
was alieauy in a special state of awaieness because my assemblage point
hau been maue to shift by his piesence Be assuieu me that enteiing into
total silence was going to allow the sculptuies in that ioom to make me
see anu heai inconceivable things
Be auueu appaiently to inciease my confusion that some of the
aichaeological pieces in that ioom hau the capacity to piouuce by
themselves a shift of the assemblage point anu that if I ieacheu a state of
total silence I woulu be actually witnessing scenes peitaining to the lives
of the people who maue those pieces
Be then began the stiangest toui of a museum I have evei taken Be
went aiounu the ioom uesciibing anu inteipieting astounuing uetails of
eveiy one of the laige pieces Accoiuing to him eveiy aichaeological
piece in that ioom was a puiposeful iecoiu left by the people of antiquity
a iecoiu that uon Juan as a soiceiei was ieauing to me as one woulu
ieau a book
Eveiy piece heie is uesigneu to make the assemblage point shift he
went on Fix youi gaze on any of them silence youi minu anu finu out
whethei oi not youi assemblage point can be maue to shift
Bow woulu I know that it has shifteu
Because you woulu see anu feel things that aie beyonu youi noimal
ieach
I gazeu at the sculptuies anu saw anu heaiu things that I woulu be at
a loss to explain
In the past I hau examineu all those pieces with the bias of
anthiopology always beaiing in minu the uesciiptions of scholais in the
fielu Theii uesciiptions of the functions of those pieces iooteu in
mouein mans cognition of the woilu appeaieu to me foi the fiist time
to be utteily piejuuiceu if not asinine
What uon Juan saiu about those pieces anu what I heaiu anu saw
myself while gazing at them was the faithest thing fiom what I hau
always ieau about them
Ny uiscomfoit was so gieat that I felt obligeu to apologize to uon
Juan foi what I thought was my suggestibility Be uiu not laugh oi make
fun of me Be patiently explaineu that soiceieis weie capable of leaving
accuiate iecoius of theii finuings in the position of the assemblage point
Be maintaineu that when it comes to getting to the essence of a
wiitten account we have to use oui sense of sympathetic oi imaginative
paiticipation to go beyonu the meie page into the expeiience itself
Bowevei in the soiceieis woilu since theie aie no wiitten pages
total iecoius which can be ieliveu insteau of ieau aie left in the position
of the assemblage point
To illustiate his aigument uon Juan talkeu about the soiceieis
teachings foi the seconu attention Be saiu that they aie given when the
appientices assemblage point is on a place othei than the noimal one
The position of the assemblage point becomes in this mannei the iecoiu
of the lesson In oiuei to play the lesson back the appientice has to
ietuin his assemblage point to the position it occupieu when the lesson
was given Bon Juan concluueu his iemaiks by ieiteiating that to ietuin
the assemblage point to all the positions it occupieu when the lessons
weie given is an accomplishment of the highest magnituue
Foi neaily a yeai uon Juan uiu not ask me anything about my thiiu
uieaming task Then one uay quite abiuptly he wanteu me to uesciibe to
him all the nuances of my uieaming piactices
The fiist thing I mentioneu was a baffling iecuiience Foi a peiiou of
months I hau uieams in which I founu myself staiing at me sleeping in
my beu The ouu pait was the iegulaiity of those uieams they happeneu
eveiy foui uays like clockwoik
Buiing the othei thiee uays my uieaming was what it always hau
been so fai I examineu eveiy possible item in my uieams I changeu
uieams anu occasionally uiiven by a suiciual cuiiosity I followeu the
foieign eneigy scouts although I felt extiemely guilty uoing this I fancieu
it to be like having a seciet uiug auuiction The iealness of that woilu
was iiiesistible to me
Secietly I felt somehow exoneiateu fiom total iesponsibility because
uon Juan himself hau suggesteu that I ask the uieaming emissaiy about
what to uo to fiee the blue scout tiappeu among us Be meant foi me to
pose the question in my eveiyuay piactice but I constiueu his statement
to imply that I hau to ask the emissaiy while I was in its woilu The
question I ieally wanteu to ask the emissaiy was whethei the inoiganic
beings hau set a tiap foi me
The emissaiy not only tolu me that eveiything uon Juan hau saiu was
tiue but also gave me instiuctions on what Caiol Tiggs anu I hau to uo to
libeiate the scout
The iegulaiity of youi uieams is something that I iathei expecteu
uon Juan iemaikeu aftei listening to me
Why uiu you expect something like that uon Juan
Because of youi ielationship with the inoiganic beings
Thats ovei anu foigotten uon Juan I lieu hoping he woulu not
puisue the subject any fuithei
You aie saying that foi my benefit arent you You uont neeu to I
know the tiue stoiy Believe me once you get to play with them you aie
hookeu Theyll always be aftei you 0i whats woise yet youll always
be aftei them
Be staieu at me anu my guilt must have been so obvious that it maue
him laugh
The only possible explanation foi such iegulaiity is that the
inoiganic beings aie cateiing to you again uon Juan saiu in a seiious
tone
I huiiieu to change the subject anu tolu him that anothei nuance of
my uieaming piactices woith mentioning was my ieaction to the sight of
myself lying sounu asleep That view was always so staitling that it eithei
glueu me to the spot until the uieam changeu oi fiighteneu me so
piofounuly that it maue me wake up scieaming at the top of my voice I
hau gotten to the point wheie I was afiaiu to go to sleep on the uays I
knew I was going to have that uieam
You aie not yet ieauy foi a tiue meiging of youi uieaming ieality
anu youi uaily ieality he concluueu You must iecapitulate youi life
fuithei
But Ive uone all the iecapitulating possible I piotesteu Ive been
iecapitulating foi yeais Theie is nothing moie I can iemembei about my
life
Theie must be much moie he saiu auamantly otheiwise you
wouldnt wake up scieaming
I uiu not like the iuea of having to iecapitulate again I hau uone it
anu I believeu I hau uone it so well that I uiu not neeu to touch the
subject evei again
The iecapitulation of oui lives nevei enus no mattei how well weve
uone it once uon Juan saiu The ieason aveiage people lack volition in
theii uieams is that they have nevei iecapitulateu anu theii lives aie
filleu to capacity with heavily loaueu emotions like memoiies hopes
feais et ceteia et ceteia
Soiceieis in contiast aie ielatively fiee fiom heavy binuing
emotions because of theii iecapitulation Anu if something stops them
as it has stoppeu you at this moment the assumption is that theie still is
something in them that is not quite cleai
To iecapitulate is too involving uon Juan Naybe theie is something
else I can uo insteau
No Theie isnt Recapitulating anu uieaming go hanu in hanu As we
ieguigitate oui lives we get moie anu moie aiiboine
Bon Juan hau given me veiy uetaileu anu explicit instiuctions about
the iecapitulation It consisteu of ieliving the totality of ones life
expeiiences by iemembeiing eveiy possible minute uetail of them Be
saw the iecapitulation as the essential factoi in a uieameis ieuefinition
anu ieueployment of eneigy
The iecapitulation sets fiee eneigy impiisoneu within us anu
without this libeiateu eneigy uieaming is not possible That was his
statement
Yeais befoie uon Juan hau coacheu me to make a list of all the people
I hau met in my life staiting at the piesent Be helpeu me to aiiange my
list in an oiueily fashion bieaking it uown into aieas of activity such as
jobs I hau hau schools I hau attenueu Then he guiueu me to go without
ueviation fiom the fiist peison on my list to the last one ieliving eveiy
one of my inteiactions with them
Be explaineu that iecapitulating an event staits with ones minu
aiianging eveiything peitinent to what is being iecapitulateu Aiianging
means ieconstiucting the event piece by piece staiting by iecollecting
the physical uetails of the suiiounuings then going to the peison with
whom one shaieu the inteiaction anu then going to oneself to the
examination of ones feelings
Bon Juan taught me that the iecapitulation is coupleu with a natuial
ihythmical bieathing Long exhalations aie peifoimeu as the heau moves
gently anu slowly fiom iight to left anu long inhalations aie taken as the
heau moves back fiom left to iight Be calleu this act of moving the heau
fiom siue to siue fanning the event The minu examines the event fiom
beginning to enu while the bouy fans on anu on eveiything the minu
focuses on
Bon Juan saiu that the soiceieis of antiquity the inventois of the
iecapitulation vieweu bieathing as a magical lifegiving act anu useu it
accoiuingly as a magical vehicle the exhalation to eject the foieign
eneigy left in them uuiing the inteiaction being iecapitulateu anu the
inhalation to pull back the eneigy that they themselves left behinu uuiing
the inteiaction
Because of my acauemic tiaining I took the iecapitulation to be the
piocess of analyzing ones life But uon Juan insisteu that it was moie
involveu than an intellectual psychoanalysis Be postulateu the
iecapitulation as a soiceieis ploy to inuuce a minute but steauy
uisplacement of the assemblage point Be saiu that the assemblage point
unuei the impact of ieviewing past actions anu feelings goes back anu
foith between its piesent site anu the site it occupieu when the event
being iecapitulateu took place
Bon Juan stateu that the olu soiceieis iationale behinu the
iecapitulation was theii conviction that theie is an inconceivable
uissolving foice in the univeise which makes oiganisms live by lenuing
them awaieness That foice also makes oiganisms uie in oiuei to extiact
the same lent awaieness which oiganisms have enhanceu thiough theii
life expeiiences
Bon Juan explaineu the olu soiceieis ieasoning They believeu that
since it is oui life expeiience this foice is aftei it is of supieme
impoitance that it can be satisfieu with a facsimile of oui life expeiience
the iecapitulation Baving hau what it seeks the uissolving foice then lets
soiceieis go fiee to expanu theii capacity to peiceive anu ieach with it
the confines of time anu space
When I staiteu again to iecapitulate it was a gieat suipiise to me that
my uieaming piactices weie automatically suspenueu the moment my
iecapitulation began I askeu uon Juan about this unwanteu iecess
Bieaming iequiies eveiy bit of oui available eneigy he ieplieu If
theie is a ueep pieoccupation in oui life theie is no possibility of
uieaming
But I have been ueeply pieoccupieu befoie I saiu anu my piactices
weie nevei inteiiupteu
It must be then that eveiy time you thought you weie pieoccupieu
you weie only egomaniacally uistuibeu he saiu laughing To be
pieoccupieu foi soiceieis means that all youi eneigy souices aie taken
on This is the fiist time youve engageu youi eneigy souices in theii
totality The iest of the time even when you iecapitulateu befoie you
weie not completely absoibeu
Bon Juan gave me this time a new iecapitulation pattein I was
supposeu to constiuct a jigsaw puzzle by iecapitulating without any
appaient oiuei uiffeient events of my life
But its going to be a mess I piotesteu
No it wont be he assuieu me Itll be a mess if you let youi
pettiness choose the events you aie going to iecapitulate Insteau let the
spiiit ueciue Be silent anu then get to the event the spiiit points out
The iesults of that pattein of iecapitulation weie shocking to me on
many levels I was veiy impiesseu to finu out that whenevei I silenceu
my minu a seemingly inuepenuent foice immeuiately plungeu me into a
most uetaileu memoiy of some event in my life But it was even moie
impiessive that a veiy oiueily configuiation iesulteu What I thought
was going to be chaotic tuineu out to be extiemely effective
I askeu uon Juan why he hau not maue me iecapitulate in this
mannei fiom the stait Be ieplieu that theie aie two basic iounus to the
iecapitulation that the fiist is calleu foimality anu iigiuity anu the
seconu fluiuity
I hau no inkling about how uiffeient my iecapitulation was going to
be this time The ability to concentiate which I hau acquiieu by means of
my uieaming piactices peimitteu me to examine my life at a uepth I
woulu nevei have imagineu possible
It took me ovei a yeai to view anu ieview all I coulu about my life
expeiiences At the enu I hau to agiee with uon Juan Theie hau been
immensities of loaueu emotions hiuuen so ueeply insiue me as to be
viitually inaccessible
The iesult of my seconu iecapitulation was a new moie ielaxeu
attituue The veiy uay I ietuineu to my uieaming piactices I uieamt I
saw myself asleep I tuineu aiounu anu uaiingly left my ioom
penuiiously going uown a flight of staiis to the stieet
I was elateu with what I hau uone anu iepoiteu it to uon Juan Ny
uisappointment was enoimous when he uiu not consiuei this uieam pait
of my uieaming piactices Be aigueu that I hau not gone to the stieet
with my eneigy bouy because if I hau I woulu have hau a sensation othei
than walking uown a flight of staiis
What kinu of sensation aie you talking about uon Juan I askeu
with genuine cuiiosity
You have to establish some valiu guiue to finu out whethei you aie
actually seeing youi bouy asleep in youi beu he saiu insteau of
answeiing my question Remembei you must be in youi actual ioom
seeing youi actual bouy 0theiwise what you aie having is meiely a
uieam If thats the case contiol that uieam eithei by obseiving its uetail
oi by changing it
I insisteu he tell me moie about the valiu guiue he hau iefeiieu to but
he cut me shoit
Figuie out a way to valiuate the fact that you aie looking at youiself
he saiu
Bo you have any suggestions as to what can be a valiu guiue I
insisteu
0se youi own juugment We aie coming to the enu of oui time
togethei You have to be on youi own veiy soon Be changeu the subject
then anu I was left with a cleai taste of my ineptituue I was unable to
figuie out what he wanteu oi what he meant by a valiu guiue
In the next uieam in which I saw myself asleep insteau of leaving the
ioom anu walking uown the staiis oi waking up scieaming I iemaineu
glueu foi a long time to the spot fiom which I watcheu Without fietting
oi uespaiiing I obseiveu the uetails of my uieam I noticeu then that I
was asleep weaiing a white Tshiit that was iippeu at the shouluei I
tiieu to come closei anu examine the iip but moving was beyonu my
capabilities I felt a heaviness that seemeu to be pait of my veiy being In
fact I was all weight Not knowing what to uo next I instantly enteieu
into a uevastating confusion I tiieu to change uieams but some
unaccustomeu foice kept me staiing at my sleeping bouy
In the miust of my tuimoil I heaiu the uieaming emissaiy saying that
not having contiol to move aiounu was fiightening me to the point that I
might have to uo anothei iecapitulation The emissaiys voice anu what it
saiu uiu not suipiise me at all I hau nevei felt so viviuly anu teiiifyingly
unable to move I uiu not howevei give in to my teiioi I examineu it anu
founu out that it was not a psychological teiioi but a physical sensation
of helplessness uespaii anu annoyance It botheieu me beyonu woius
that I was not capable of moving my limbs Ny annoyance giew in
piopoition to my iealization that something outsiue me hau me biutally
pinneu uown The effoit I maue to move my aims oi legs was so intense
anu singleminueu that at one moment I actually saw one leg of my bouy
sleeping on the beu flung out as if kicking
Ny awaieness was then pulleu into my ineit sleeping bouy anu I
woke up with such a foice that it took moie than half an houi to calm
myself uown Ny heait was beating almost eiiatically I was shiveiing
anu some of the muscles in my legs twitcheu uncontiollably I hau
suffeieu such a iauical loss of bouy heat that I neeueu blankets anu hot
watei bottles to iaise my tempeiatuie
Natuially I went to Nexico to ask uon Juans auvice about the
sensation of paialysis anu about the fact that I ieally hau been weaiing a
iippeu Tshiit thus I hau inueeu seen myself asleep Besiues I was
ueauly afiaiu of hypotheimia Be was ieluctant to uiscuss my
pieuicament All I got out of him was a caustic iemaik
You like uiama he saiu flatly 0f couise you ieally saw youiself
asleep The pioblem is that you got neivous because youi eneigy bouy
has nevei been consciously in one piece befoie If you evei get neivous
anu colu again holu on to youi uick That will iestoie youi bouy
tempeiatuie in a jiffy anu without any fuss
I felt a bit offenueu by his ciassness Bowevei the auvice pioveu
effective The next time I became fiighteneu I ielaxeu anu ietuineu to
noimal in a few minutes uoing what he hau piesciibeu In this mannei I
uiscoveieu that if I uiu not fiet anu kept my annoyance in check I uiu not
panic To iemain contiolleu uiu not help me move but it ceitainly gave
me a ueep sensation of peace anu seienity
Aftei months of useless effoits at walking I sought uon Juans
comments once again not so much foi his auvice this time but because I
wanteu to conceue uefeat I was up against an impassable baiiiei anu I
knew with inuisputable ceitainty that I hau faileu
Bieameis have to be imaginative uon Juan saiu with a malicious
giin Imaginative you aie not I didnt wain you about having to use
youi imagination to move youi eneigy bouy because I wanteu to finu out
whethei you coulu iesolve the iiuule by youiself You didnt anu youi
fiienus didnt help you eithei
In the past I hau been uiiven to uefenu myself viciously whenevei he
accuseu me of lacking imagination I thought I was imaginative but
having uon Juan as a teachei hau taught me the haiu way that I am not
Since I was not going to engage my eneigy in futile uefenses of myself I
askeu him insteau What is this iiuule you aie talking about uon Juan
The iiuule of how impossible anu yet how easy it is to move the
eneigy bouy You aie tiying to move it as if you weie in the uaily woilu
We spenu so much time anu effoit leaining to walk that we believe oui
uieaming bouies shoulu also walk Theie is no ieason why they shoulu
except that walking is foiemost in oui minus
I maiveleu at the simplicity of the solution I instantly knew that uon
Juan was iight I hau gotten stuck again at the level of inteipietation Be
hau tolu me I hau to move aiounu once I ieacheu the thiiu gate of
uieaming anu to me moving aiounu meant walking I tolu him that I
unueistoou his point
It isnt my point he cuitly answeieu Its a soiceieis point
Soiceieis say that at the thiiu gate the entiie eneigy bouy can move like
eneigy moves fast anu uiiectly Youi eneigy bouy knows exactly how to
move It can move as it moves in the inoiganic beings woilu
Anu this biings us to the othei issue heie uon Juan auueu with an
aii of pensiveness Why didnt youi inoiganic being fiienus help you
Why uo you call them my fiienus uon Juan
They aie like the classic fiienus who aie not ieally thoughtful oi kinu
to us but not mean eithei The fiienus who aie just waiting foi us to tuin
oui backs so they can stab us theie
I unueistoou him completely anu agieeu with him one hunuieu
peicent
What makes me go theie Is it a suiciual tenuency I askeu him
moie ihetoiically than not
You uont have any suiciual tenuency he saiu What you have is a
total uisbelief that you weie neai ueath Since you weie not in physical
pain you cant quite convince youiself you weie in moital uangei
Bis aigument was most ieasonable except that I uiu believe a ueep
unknown feai hau been iuling my life since my bout with the inoiganic
beings Bon Juan listeneu in silence as I uesciibeu to him my
pieuicament I coulu not uiscaiu oi explain away my uige to go to the
inoiganic beings woilu in spite of what I knew about it
I have a stieak of insanity I saiu What I uo doesnt make sense
It uoes make sense The inoiganic beings aie still ieeling you in like
a fish hookeu at the enu of a line he saiu They thiow woithless bait at
you fiom time to time to keep you going To aiiange youi uieams to
occui eveiy foui uays without fail is woithless bait But they didnt teach
you how to move youi eneigy bouy
Why uo you think they didnt
Because when youi eneigy bouy leains to move by itself youll be
thoioughly out of theii ieach It was piematuie of me to believe that you
aie fiee fiom them You aie ielatively but not completely fiee They aie
still biuuing foi youi awaieness
I felt a chill in my back Be hau toucheu a soie spot in me
Tell me what to uo uon Juan anu Ill uo it I saiu
Be impeccable I have tolu you this uozens of times To be
impeccable means to put youi life on the line in oiuei to back up youi
uecisions anu then to uo quite a lot moie than youi best to iealize those
uecisions When you aie not ueciuing anything you aie meiely playing
ioulette with youi life in a helterskeltei way
Bon Juan enueu oui conveisation uiging me to ponuei what he hau
saiu
At the fiist oppoitunity I hau I put uon Juans suggestion about
moving my eneigy bouy to the test When I founu myself looking at my
bouy asleep insteau of stiuggling to walk towaiu it I simply willeu myself
to move closei to the beu Instantly I was neaily touching my bouy I saw
my face In fact I coulu see eveiy poie in my skin I cannot say that I likeu
what I saw Ny view of my own bouy was too uetaileu to be aesthetically
pleasing Then something like a winu came into the ioom totally
uisaiiangeu eveiything anu eiaseu my view
Buiing subsequent uieams I entiiely coiioboiateu that the only way
the eneigy bouy can move is to gliue oi soai I uiscusseu this with uon
Juan Be seemeu unusually satisfieu with what I hau uone which
ceitainly suipiiseu me I was accustomeu to his colu ieaction to anything
I uiu in my uieaming piactices
Youi eneigy bouy is useu to moving only when something pulls it
he saiu The inoiganic beings have been pulling youi eneigy bouy iight
anu left anu until now you have nevei moveu it by youiself with youi
own volition It doesnt seem like youve uone much moving the way you
uiu yet I assuie you that I was seiiously consiueiing enuing youi
piactices Foi a while I believeu you weie not going to leain how to move
on youi own
Weie you consiueiing enuing my uieaming piactices because I am
slow
Youre not slow It takes soiceieis foievei to leain to move the
eneigy bouy I was going to enu youi uieaming piactices because I have
no moie time Theie aie othei topics moie piessing than uieaming on
which you can use youi eneigy
Now that Ive leaineu how to move my eneigy bouy by myself what
else shoulu I uo uon Juan
Continue moving Noving youi eneigy bouy has openeu up a new
aiea foi you an aiea of extiaoiuinaiy exploiation
Be uigeu me again to come up with an iuea to valiuate the
faithfulness of my uieams that iequest uiu not seem as ouu as it hau the
fiist time he voiceu it
As you know to be tianspoiteu by a scout is the ieal uieaming task
of the seconu gate he explaineu It is a veiy seiious mattei but not as
seiious as foiging anu moving the eneigy bouy Theiefoie you have to
make suie by some means of youi own whethei you aie actually seeing
youiself asleep oi whethei you aie meiely uieaming that youre seeing
youiself asleep Youi new extiaoiuinaiy exploiation hinges on ieally
seeing youiself asleep
Aftei some heavy ponueiing anu wonueiing I believeu that I hau
come up with the iight plan Baving seen my iippeu Tshiit gave me an
iuea foi a valiu guiue I staiteu fiom the assumption that if I weie
actually obseiving myself asleep I woulu also be obseiving whethei I hau
the same sleeping attiie I hau gone to beu in an attiie that I hau ueciueu
to change iauically eveiy foui uays I was confiuent that I was not going
to have any uifficulty in iemembeiing in uieams what I was weaiing
when I went to beu the uiscipline I hau acquiieu thiough my uieaming
piactices maue me think that I hau the ability to iecoiu things like this in
my minu anu iemembei them in uieams
I engageu my best effoits to follow this guiue but the iesults uiu not
pan out as I thought they woulu I lackeu the necessaiy contiol ovei my
uieaming attention anu I coulu not quite iemembei the uetails of my
sleeping attiie Yet something else was uefinitely at woik Somehow I
always knew whethei my uieams weie oiuinaiy uieams oi not The
outstanuing aspect of the uieams that weie not just oiuinaiy uieams was
that my bouy lay asleep in beu while my consciousness obseiveu it
A notable featuie of these uieams was my ioom It was nevei like my
ioom in the uaily woilu but an enoimous empty hall with my beu at one
enu I useu to soai ovei a consiueiable uistance to be at the siue of the
beu wheie my bouy lay The moment I was next to it a windlike foice
useu to make me hovei ovei it like a hummingbiiu At times the ioom
useu to vanish uisappeai piece by piece until only my bouy anu the beu
weie left At othei times I useu to expeiience a complete loss of volition
Ny uieaming attention seemeu then to function inuepenuently of me
Eithei it was completely absoibeu by the fiist item it encounteieu in the
ioom oi it seemeu unable to ueciue what to uo In those instances I hau
the sensation that I was helplessly floating going fiom item to item
The voice of the uieaming emissaiy explaineu to me once that all the
elements of the uieams which weie not just commonplace uieams weie
ieally eneigy configuiations uiffeient fiom those of oui noimal woilu
The emissaiys voice pointeu out that foi example the walls weie liquiu
It uigeu me then to plunge into one of them
Without thinking twice I uiveu into a wall as if I weie uiving into a
huge lake I uiu not feel the waterlike wall what I felt was not a physical
sensation of plunging into a bouy of watei eithei It was moie like the
thought of uiving anu the visual sensation of going thiough liquiu mattei
I was going heaufiist into something that openeu up like watei uoes as
I kept moving uownwaiu
The sensation of going uown heaufiist was so ieal that I began to
wonuei how long oi how ueep oi how fai I was uiving Fiom my point of
view I spent an eteinity in theie I saw clouus anu iocklike masses of
mattei suspenueu in a waterlike substance Theie weie some glowing
geometiic objects that iesembleu ciystals anu blobs of the ueepest
piimaiy colois I hau evei seen Theie weie also zones of intense light anu
otheis of pitch blackness Eveiything went by me eithei slowly oi at a
fast speeu I hau the thought that I was viewing the cosmos At the instant
of that thought my speeu incieaseu so immensely that eveiything
became bluiieu anu all of a suuuen I founu myself awake with my nose
smack against the wall of my ioom
Some hiuuen feai uigeu me to consult with uon Juan Be listeneu to
me hanging on eveiy woiu
You neeu to uo some uiastic maneuveiing at this point he saiu
The uieaming emissaiy has no business inteifeiing with youi uieaming
piactices 0i iathei you shoulu not unuei any conuitions peimit it to uo
so
Bow can I stop it
Peifoim a simple but uifficult maneuvei 0pon enteiing into
uieaming voice out louu youi uesiie not to have the uieaming emissaiy
anymoie
Boes that mean uon Juan that I will nevei heai it again
Positively Youll get iiu of it foievei
But is it auvisable to get iiu of it foievei
It most ceitainly is at this point
With those woius uon Juan involveu me in a most uistuibing
uilemma I uiu not want to put an enu to my ielationship with the
emissaiy but at the same time I wanteu to follow uon Juans auvice Be
noticeu my hesitation
I know its a veiy uifficult affaii he conceueu but if you uont uo it
the inoiganic beings will always have a line on you If you want to avoiu
this uo what I saiu anu uo it now
Buiing my next uieaming session as I piepaieu myself to uttei my
intent the emissaiys voice inteiiupteu me It saiu If you iefiain fiom
stating youi iequest I piomise you nevei to inteifeie with youi
uieaming piactices anu talk to you only if you ask me uiiect questions
I instantly accepteu its pioposition anu sinceiely felt that it was a
goou ueal I was even ielieveu it hau tuineu out this way I was afiaiu
howevei that uon Juan was going to be uisappointeu
It was a goou maneuvei he iemaikeu anu laugheu You weie
sinceie You ieally intenueu to voice youi iequest To be sinceie is all
that was iequiieu Theie was essentially no neeu foi you to eliminate
the emissaiy What you wanteu was to coinei it into pioposing an
alteinative way convenient to you I am suie the emissaiy wont
inteifeie anymoie
Be was iight I continueu my uieaming piactices without any
meuuling fiom the emissaiy The iemaikable consequence was that I
began to have uieams in which my uieam iooms weie my ioom in the
uaily woilu with one uiffeience In the uieams my ioom was always so
slanteu anu so uistoiteu that it lookeu like a giant cubist painting 0btuse
anu acute angles weie the iule insteau of the noimal iight angles of walls
ceiling anu flooi In my lopsiueu ioom the veiy slant cieateu by the
acute oi obtuse angles was a uevice to uisplay piominently some absuiu
supeifluous but ieal uetail foi example intiicate lines in the haiuwoou
flooi oi weathei uiscoloiations in the wall paint oi uust spots on the
ceiling oi smuugeu fingeipiints on the euge of a uooi
In those uieams I unavoiuably got lost in the waterlike univeises of
the uetail pointeu out by the slant Buiing my entiie uieaming piactices
the piofusion of uetail in my ioom was so immense anu its pull so intense
that it instantly maue me uive into it
At the fiist fiee moment I hau I was at uon Juans place consulting
him about this state
I cant oveicome my ioom I saiu to him aftei I hau given him the
uetails of my uieaming piactices
What gives you the iuea you have to oveicome it he askeu with a
giin
I feel that I have to move beyonu my ioom uon Juan
But you aie moving beyonu youi ioom Peihaps you shoulu ask
youiself whethei you aie caught again in inteipietations What uo you
think moving means in this case
I tolu him walking fiom my ioom to the stieet hau been such a
haunting uieam foi me that I felt a ieal neeu to uo it again
But you aie uoing gieatei things than that he piotesteu You aie
going to unbelievable iegions What else uo you want
I tiieu to explain to him that I hau a physical uige to move away fiom
the tiap of uetail What upset me the most was my incapacity to fiee
myself fiom whatevei caught my attention To have a mouicum of
volition was the bottom line foi me
A veiy long silence followeu I waiteu to heai moie about the tiap of
uetail Aftei all he hau waineu me about its uangeis
You aie uoing fine he finally saiu Bieameis take a veiy long time
to peifect theii eneigy bouies Anu this is exactly whats at stake heie
peifecting youi eneigy bouy
Bon Juan explaineu that the ieason my eneigy bouy was compelleu
to examine uetail anu get inextiicably stuck in it was its inexpeiience its
incompleteness Be saiu that soiceieis spenu a lifetime consoliuating the
eneigy bouy by letting it sponge up eveiything possible
0ntil the eneigy bouy is complete anu matuie it is selfabsoibeu
uon Juan went on It cant get fiee fiom the compulsion to be absoibeu
by eveiything But if one takes this into consiueiation insteau of fighting
the eneigy bouy as youre uoing now one can lenu it a hanu
Bow can I uo that uon Juan
By uiiecting its behavioi that is to say by stalking it
Be explaineu that since eveiything ielateu to the eneigy bouy
uepenus on the appiopiiate position of the assemblage point anu since
uieaming is nothing else but the means to uisplace it stalking is
consequently the way to make the assemblage point stay put on the
peifect position in this case the position wheie the eneigy bouy can
become consoliuateu anu fiom which it can finally emeige
Bon Juan saiu that the moment the eneigy bouy can move on its own
soiceieis assume that the optimum position of the assemblage point has
been ieacheu The next step is to stalk it that is to fixate it on that
position in oiuei to complete the eneigy bouy Be iemaikeu that the
pioceuuie is simplicity itself 0ne intenus to stalk it
Silence anu looks of expectation followeu that statement I expecteu
him to say moie anu he expecteu me to have unueistoou what he hau
saiu I hau not
Let youi eneigy bouy intenu to ieach the optimum uieaming
position he explaineu Then let youi eneigy bouy intenu to stay at that
position anu you will be stalking
Be pauseu anu with his eyes uigeu me to consiuei his statement
Intenuing is the seciet but you alieauy know that he saiu
Soiceieis uisplace theii assemblage points thiough intenuing anu fixate
them equally thiough intenuing Anu theie is no technique foi intenuing
0ne intenus thiough usage
To have anothei of my wilu assumptions about my woith as a
soiceiei was unavoiuable at that point I hau bounuless confiuence that
something was going to put me on the iight tiack to intenu the fixation of
my assemblage point on the iueal spot I hau accomplisheu in the past all
kinus of successful maneuveis without knowing how I peifoimeu them
Bon Juan himself hau maiveleu at my ability oi my luck anu I was suie
this was going to be one of those instances I was giavely mistaken No
mattei what I uiu oi how long I waiteu I hau no success whatsoevei in
fixing my assemblage point on any spot much less on the iueal one
Aftei months of seiious but unsuccessful stiuggling I gave up
I ieally believeu I coulu uo it I saiu to uon Juan the moment I was
in his house I am afiaiu that nowauays I am moie of an egomaniac than
evei
Not ieally he saiu with a smile What happens is that you aie
caught in anothei of youi routinary misinteipietations of teims You
want to finu the iueal spot as if you weie finuing youi lost cai keys Then
you want to tie youi assemblage point as if you weie tying youi shoes
The iueal spot anu the fixation of the assemblage point aie metaphois
They have nothing to uo with the woius useu to uesciibe them
Be askeu me then to tell him the latest events of any uieaming
piactices The fiist thing I mentioneu was that my uige to be absoibeu by
uetail hau subsiueu notably I saiu that peihaps because I moveu in my
uieams compulsively anu incessantly the movement might have been
what always manageu to stop me befoie I plungeu into the uetail I was
obseiving To be stoppeu in that fashion gave me the oppoitunity to
examine the act of being absoibeu by uetail I came to the conclusion that
inanimate mattei actually possesses an immobilizing foice which I saw
as a beam of uull light that kept me pinneu uown Foi example many
times some minute maik on the walls oi in the woou lines of the
haiuwoou flooi of my ioom useu to senu a line of light that tiansfixeu
me Fiom the moment my uieaming attention was focuseu on that light
the whole uieam iotateu aiounu that minute maik I saw it enlaigeu
peihaps to the size of the cosmos That view useu to last until I woke up
usually with my nose piesseu against the wall oi the woou flooi Ny own
obseivations weie that in the fiist place the uetail was ieal anu in the
seconu place I seemeu to have been obseiving it while I was asleep
Bon Juan smileu anu saiu All this is happening to you because the
foiging of youi eneigy bouy was completeu the moment it moveu by
itself I didnt tell you that but I insinuateu it I wanteu to know whethei
oi not you weie capable of finuing it out by youiself which of couise
you uiu
I hau no iuea what he meant Bon Juan sciutinizeu me in his usual
mannei Bis penetiating gaze scanneu my bouy
What exactly uiu I finu out by myself uon Juan I was foiceu to ask
You founu out that youi eneigy bouy hau been completeu he
answeieu
I didnt finu out anything of the kinu I assuie you
Yes you uiu It staiteu some time ago when you couldnt finu a
guiue to valiuate the iealness of youi uieams but then something went
to woik foi you anu let you know whethei you weie having a iegulai
uieam That something was youi eneigy bouy Now you uespaii that you
couldnt finu the iueal spot to fix youi assemblage point Anu I tell you
that you uiu The pioof is that by moving aiounu youi eneigy bouy
cuitaileu its obsession with uetail
I was nonplusseu nonplusseu filleu with bewilueiment I coulu
not even ask one of my feeble questions
What comes next foi you is a soiceieis gem uon Juan went on
You aie going to piactice seeing eneigy in youi uieaming You have
fulfilleu the uiill foi the thiiu gate of uieaming moving youi eneigy bouy
by itself Now you aie going to peifoim the ieal task seeing eneigy with
youi eneigy bouy
You have seen eneigy befoie he went on many times in fact But
each of those times seeing was a fluke Now you aie going to uo it
uelibeiately
Bieameis have a iule of thumb he continueu If theii eneigy bouy
is complete they see eneigy eveiy time they gaze at an item in the uaily
woilu In uieams if they see the eneigy of an item they know they aie
uealing with a ieal woilu no mattei how uistoiteu that woilu may
appeai to theii uieaming attention If they cant see the eneigy of an
item they aie in an oiuinaiy uieam anu not in a ieal woilu
What is a ieal woilu uon Juan
A woilu that geneiates eneigy the opposite of a phantom woilu of
piojections wheie nothing geneiates eneigy like most of oui uieams
wheie nothing has an eneigetic effect
Bon Juan then gave me anothei uefinition of uieaming a piocess by
which uieameis isolate uieam conuitions in which they can finu eneigy
geneiating elements
Be must have noticeu my bewilueiment Be laugheu anu gave
anothei even moie convoluteu uefinition uieaming is the piocess by
which we intenu to finu auequate positions of the assemblage point
positions that peimit us to peiceive eneigygeneiating items in
uieamlike states
Be explaineu that the eneigy bouy is also capable of peiceiving
eneigy that is quite uiffeient fiom the eneigy of oui own woilu as in the
case of items of the inoiganic beings iealm which the eneigy bouy
peiceives as sizzling eneigy
Be auueu that in oui woilu nothing sizzles Eveiything heie waveis
Fiom now on he saiu the issue of youi uieaming is going to be to
ueteimine whethei the items on which you focus youi uieaming
attention aie eneigy geneiating meie phantom piojections oi
geneiatois of foieign eneigy
Bon Juan aumitteu that he hau hopeu I was going to come up with
the iuea of seeing eneigy as the gauge to ueteimine whethei oi not I was
obseiving my ieal bouy asleep Be laugheu at my spuiious uevice of
putting on elaboiate sleeping attiie eveiy foui uays Be saiu that Id hau
at my fingeitips all the infoimation necessaiy to ueuuce what was the
ieal task of the thiiu gate of uieaming anu to come up with the iight iuea
but that my inteipietation system hau foiceu me to seek contiiveu
solutions that lackeu the simplicity anu uiiectness of soiceiy
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei The New Aiea of
Exploiation
veision
The New Aiea of Exploiation
Bon Juan tolu me that in oiuei to see in uieaming not only uiu I have
to intenu seeing but I hau to put my intent into louu woius Foi ieasons
he iefuseu to explain he insisteu that I hau to speak up Be conceueu that
theie aie othei means to accomplish the same iesult but he asseiteu that
voicing ones intent is the simplest anu most uiiect way
The fiist time I put into woius my intent to see I was uieaming of a
chuich bazaai Theie weie so many aiticles that I coulu not make up my
minu which one to gaze at A giant conspicuous vase in a coinei maue up
my minu foi me I gazeu at it voicing my intent to see The vase iemaineu
in my view foi an instant then it changeu into anothei object
I gazeu at as many things as I coulu in that uieam Aftei I voiceu my
intent to see eveiy item I hau chosen to gaze at vanisheu oi tuineu into
something else as hau happeneu all along in my uieaming piactices Ny
uieaming attention was finally exhausteu anu I woke up tiemenuously
fiustiateu almost angiy
Foi months on enu I actually gazeu at hunuieus of items in my
uieams anu uelibeiately voiceu my intent to see but nothing evei
happeneu Tiieu of waiting I finally hau to ask uon Juan about it
You neeu to have patience You aie leaining to uo something
extiaoiuinaiy he iemaikeu You aie leaining to intenu to see in youi
uieams Someuay you will not have to voice youi intent Youll simply
will it silently
I think I have not unueistoou the function of whatevei I am uoing I
saiu Nothing happens when I shout my intent to see What uoes that
mean
It means that youi uieams so fai have been oiuinaiy uieams They
have been phantom piojections images that have life only in youi
uieaming attention
Be wanteu to know exactly what hau happeneu to the items on which
I hau focuseu my gaze I saiu that they hau vanisheu oi changeu shape oi
even piouuceu voitexes that eventually changeu my uieams
It has been like that in all my uaily uieaming piactices I saiu The
only thing out of the oiuinaiy is that I am leaining to yell in my uieams
at the top of my voice
Ny last statement thiew uon Juan into a genuine fit of belly laughtei
which I founu uisconceiting I faileu to finu the humoi of my statement oi
the ieason foi his ieaction
Someuay youll appieciate how funny all this is he saiu as an
answei to my silent piotest In the meantime uont give up oi get
uiscouiageu Keep on tiying Soonei oi latei youll hit the iight note
As usual he was iight A couple of months latei I hit the jackpot I hau
a most unusual uieam It staiteu with the appeaiance of a scout fiom the
inoiganic beings woilu The scouts as well as the uieaming emissaiy hau
been stiangely absent fiom my uieams I hau not misseu them oi
ponueieu theii uisappeaiance In fact I was so at ease without them I
hau even foigotten to ask uon Juan about theii absence
In that uieam the scout hau been at fiist a gigantic yellow topaz
which I hau founu stuck in the back of a uiawei The moment I voiceu my
intent to see the topaz tuineu into a blob of sizzling eneigy I feaieu that
I woulu be compelleu to follow it so I moveu my gaze away fiom the
scout anu focuseu it on an aquaiium with tiopical fish I voiceu my intent
to see anu got a tiemenuous suipiise The aquaiium emitteu a low
gieenish glow anu changeu into a laige suiiealist poitiait of a bejeweleu
woman The poitiait emitteu the same gieenish glow when I voiceu my
intent to see
As I gazeu at that glow the whole uieam changeu I was walking then
on a stieet in a town that seemeu familiai to me It might have been
Tucson I gazeu at a uisplay of womens clothes in a stoie winuow anu
spoke out louu my intent to see Instantly a black mannequin
piominently uisplayeu began to glow I gazeu next at a saleslauy who
came at that moment to ieaiiange the winuow She lookeu at me Aftei
voicing my intent I saw hei glow It was so stupenuous that I was afiaiu
some uetail in hei splenuoious glow woulu tiap me but the woman
moveu insiue the stoie befoie I hau time to focus my total attention on
hei I ceitainly intenueu to follow hei insiue howevei my uieaming
attention was caught by a moving glow It came to me chaiging filleu
with hatieu Theie was loathing in it anu viciousness I jumpeu backwaiu
The glow stoppeu its chaige A black substance swalloweu me anu I
woke up
These images weie so viviu that I fiimly believeu I hau seen eneigy
anu my uieam hau been one of those conuitions that uon Juan hau calleu
uieamlike eneigygeneiating The iuea that uieams can take place in the
consensual ieality of oui uaily woilu intiigueu me just as the uieam
images of the inoiganic beings iealm hau intiigueu me
This time you not only saw eneigy but ciosseu a uangeious
bounuaiy uon Juan saiu aftei heaiing my account
Be ieiteiateu that the uiill foi the thiiu gate of uieaming is to make
the eneigy bouy move on its own In my last session he saiu I hau
unwittingly supeiseueu the effect of that uiill anu ciosseu into anothei
woilu
Youi eneigy bouy moveu he saiu It jouineyeu by itself That kinu
of jouineying is beyonu youi abilities at this moment anu something
attackeu you
What uo you think it was uon Juan
This is a predatorial univeise It coulu have been one of thousanus
of things existing out theie
Why uo you think it attackeu me
Foi the same ieason the inoiganic beings attackeu you because you
maue youiself available
Is it that cleaicut uon Juan
Ceitainly Its as cleaicut as what you woulu uo if a stiangelooking
spiuei ciept acioss youi uesk while you weie wiiting Youd squash it out
of fiight iathei than aumiie it oi examine it
I was at a loss anu seaicheu foi woius to ask the piopei question I
wanteu to ask him wheie my uieam hau taken place oi what woilu I was
in in that uieam But those questions uiu not make any sense I coulu
gathei that myself Bon Juan was veiy unueistanuing
You want to know wheie youi uieaming attention was focuseu
uont you he askeu with a giin
This was exactly how I wanteu to woiu my question I ieasoneu that
in the uieam unuei consiueiation I must have been looking at some ieal
object just like what hau happeneu when I saw in uieams the minute
uetails on the flooi oi the walls oi the uooi of my ioom uetails that I
latei hau coiioboiateu existeu
Bon Juan saiu that in special uieams like the one Id hau oui
uieaming attention focuses on the uaily woilu anu that it moves
instantly fiom one ieal object to anothei in the woilu What makes this
movement possible is that the assemblage point is on the piopei
uieaming position Fiom that position the assemblage point gives the
uieaming attention such fluiuity that it can move in a split seconu ovei
incieuible uistances anu in uoing so it piouuces a peiception so fast so
fleeting that it iesembles an oiuinaiy uieam
Bon Juan explaineu that in my uieam I hau seen a ieal vase anu then
my uieaming attention hau moveu ovei uistances to see a ieal suiiealist
painting of a bejeweleu woman The iesult with the exception of seeing
eneigy hau been veiy close to an oiuinaiy uieam in which items when
gazeu at quickly tuin into something else
I know how uistuibing this is he went on uefinitely awaie of my
bewilueiment Foi some ieason peitinent to the minu to see eneigy in
uieaming is moie upsetting than anything one can think of
I iemaikeu that I hau seen eneigy in uieaming befoie yet it hau
nevei affecteu me like this
Now youi eneigy bouy is complete anu functioning he saiu
Theiefoie the implication that you see eneigy in youi uieam is that you
aie peiceiving a ieal woilu thiough the veil of a uieam Thats the
impoitance of the jouiney you took It was ieal It involveu eneigy
geneiating items that neaily enueu youi life
Was it that seiious uon Juan
You bet The cieatuie that attackeu you was maue of puie
awaieness anu was as ueauly as anything can be You saw its eneigy I am
suie that you iealize by now that unless we see in uieaming we cant tell
a ieal eneigygeneiating thing fiom a phantom piojection So even
though you battleu the inoiganic beings anu inueeu saw the scouts anu
the tunnels youi eneigy bouy doesnt know foi suie if they weie ieal
meaning eneigy geneiating You aie ninetynine but not one hunuieu
peicent suie
Bon Juan insisteu on talking about the jouiney I hau taken Foi
inexplicable ieasons I was ieluctant to ueal with that subject What he
was saying piouuceu an instantaneous ieaction in me I founu myself
tiying to come to giips with a ueep stiange feai It was uaik anu
obsessive in a nagging visceial way
You uefinitely went into anothei layei of the onion uon Juan saiu
finishing a statement to which I hau not paiu attention
What is this othei layei of the onion uon Juan
The woilu is like an onion it has many skins The woilu we know is
but one of them Sometimes we cioss bounuaiies anu entei into anothei
skin anothei woilu veiy much like this one but not the same Anu you
enteieu into one all by youiself
Bow is this jouiney youre talking about possible uon Juan
That is a meaningless question because no one can answei it In the
view of soiceieis the univeise is constiucteu in layeis which the eneigy
bouy can cioss Bo you know wheie the olu soiceieis aie still existing to
this uay In anothei layei in anothei skin of the onion
Foi me the iuea of a ieal piagmatic jouiney taken in uieams is veiy
uifficult to unueistanu oi to accept uon Juan
We have uiscusseu this topic to exhaustion I was convinceu you
unueistoou that the jouiney of the eneigy bouy uepenus exclusively on
the position of the assemblage point
Youve tolu me that anu I have been mulling it ovei anu ovei Still
saying that the jouiney is in the position of the assemblage point doesnt
say anything to me
Youi pioblem is youi cynicism I was just like you Cynicism doesnt
allow us to make uiastic changes in oui unueistanuing of the woilu It
also foices us to feel that we aie always iight
I unueistoou his point to peifection but I ieminueu him about my
fight against all that
I piopose that you uo one nonsensical thing that might tuin the
tiue he saiu Repeat to youiself incessantly that the hinge of soiceiy is
the mysteiy of the assemblage point If you iepeat this to youiself long
enough some unseen foice takes ovei anu makes the appiopiiate
changes in you
Bon Juan uiu not give me any inuication that he was being facetious
facetious cleveily amusing in tone I knew he meant eveiy woiu of it
What botheieu me was his insistence that I iepeat the foimula
ceaselessly to myself I caught myself thinking that all of it was asinine
Cut youi cynical attituue he snappeu at me Repeat this in a bona
fide mannei
The mysteiy of the assemblage point is eveiything in soiceiy he
continueu without looking at me 0i iathei eveiything in soiceiy iests
on the manipulation of the assemblage point You know all this but you
have to iepeat it
Foi an instant as I heaiu his iemaiks I thought I was going to uie of
anguish An incieuible sense of physical sauness giippeu my chest anu
maue me scieam with pain Ny stomach anu uiaphiagm seemeu to be
pushing up moving into my chest cavity The push was so intense that
my awaieness changeu levels anu I enteieu into my noimal state
Whatevei we hau been talking about became a vague thought about
something that might have happeneu but actually hau not accoiuing to
the munuane ieasoning of my eveiyuaylife consciousness
The next time uon Juan anu I talkeu about uieaming we uiscusseu
the ieasons I hau been unable to pioceeu with my uieaming piactices foi
months on enu Bon Juan waineu me that to explain my situation he hau
to go in a iounuabout way Be pointeu out fiist that theie is an
enoimous uiffeience between the thoughts anu ueeus of the men of
antiquity anu those of mouein men Then he pointeu out that the men of
ancient times hau a veiy iealistic view of peiception anu awaieness
because theii view stemmeu fiom theii obseivations of the univeise
aiounu them Nouein men in contiast have an absuiuly uniealistic view
of peiception anu awaieness because theii view stems fiom theii
obseivations of the social oiuei anu fiom theii uealings with it
Why aie you telling me this I askeu
Because you aie a mouein man involveu with the views anu
obseivations of men of antiquity he ieplieu Anu none of those views
anu obseivations aie familiai to you Now moie than evei you neeu
sobiiety anu aplomb aplomb gieat coolness anu composuie unuei
stiain I am tiying to make a soliu biiuge a biiuge you can walk on
between the views of men of ancient times anu those of mouein men
Be iemaikeu that of all the tianscenuental obseivations of the men of
ancient times the only one with which I was familiai because it hau
filteieu uown to oui uay was the iuea of selling oui souls to the uevil in
exchange foi immoitality which he aumitteu sounueu to him like
something coming stiaight out of the ielationship of the olu soiceieis
with the inoiganic beings Be ieminueu me how the uieaming emissaiy
hau tiieu to inuuce me to stay in its iealm by offeiing me the possibility
of maintaining my inuiviuuality anu selfawaieness foi neaily an eteinity
As you know succumbing to the luie of the inoiganic beings is not
just an iuea Its ieal uon Juan went on But you havent yet fully
iealizeu the implication of that iealness Bieaming likewise is ieal It is
an eneigygeneiating conuition You heai my statements anu you
ceitainly unueistanu what I mean but youi awaieness hasnt caught up
with the total implication of it yet
Bon Juan saiu that my iationality knew the impoit of a iealization of
this natuie anu uuiing oui last talk it hau foiceu my awaieness to change
levels I enueu up in my noimal awaieness befoie I coulu ueal with the
nuances of my uieam Ny iationality hau fuithei piotecteu itself by
suspenuing my uieaming piactices
I assuie you that I am fully awaie of what an eneigygeneiating
conuition means I saiu
Anu I assuie you that you aie not he ietoiteu If you weie you
woulu measuie uieaming with gieatei caie anu uelibeiation Since you
believe you aie just uieaming you take blinu chances Youi faulty
ieasoning tells you that no mattei what happens at a given moment the
uieam will be ovei anu you will wake up
Be was iight In spite of all the things I hau witnesseu in my uieaming
piactices somehow I still ietaineu the geneial sense that all of it hau
been a uieam
I am talking to you about the views of men of antiquity anu the views
of mouein man uon Juan went on because youi awaieness which is
the awaieness of mouein man piefeis to ueal with an unfamiliai concept
as if it weie an empty iueality
If I left it up to you youd iegaiu uieaming as an iuea 0f couise Im
suie you take uieaming seiiously but you uont quite believe in the
ieality of uieaming
I unueistanu what you aie saying uon Juan but I uont unueistanu
why you aie saying it
I am saying all this because you aie now foi the fiist time in the
piopei position to unueistanu that uieaming is an eneigygeneiating
conuition Foi the fiist time you can unueistanu now that oiuinaiy
uieams aie the honing uevices useu to tiain the assemblage point to
ieach the position that cieates this eneigygeneiating conuition we call
uieaming
Be waineu me that since uieameis touch anu entei ieal woilus of all
inclusive effects they ought to be in a peimanent state of the most
intense anu sustaineu aleitness Any ueviation fiom total aleitness
impeiils the uieamei in ways moie than uieauful
I began again at this point to expeiience a movement in my chest
cavity exactly as I hau felt the uay my awaieness changeu levels by itself
Bon Juan foicibly shook me by the aim
Regaiu uieaming as something extiemely uangeious he
commanueu me Anu begin that now Bont stait any of youi weiiu
maneuveis
Bis tone of voice was so uigent that I stoppeu whatevei I was
unconsciously uoing
What is going on with me uon Juan I askeu
Whats going on with you is that you can uisplace youi assemblage
point quickly anu easily he saiu Yet that ease has the tenuency to make
the uisplacement eiiatic Biing youi ease to oiuei anu uont allow
youiself even a fiaction of an inch leeway
I coulu easily have aigueu that I uiu not know what he was talking
about but I knew I also knew I hau only a few seconus to iounu up my
eneigy anu change my attituue anu I uiu
This was the enu of oui exchange that uay I went home anu foi
neaily a yeai I faithfully anu uaily iepeateu what uon Juan hau askeu me
to say that the hinge of soiceiy is the mysteiy of the assemblage point
The iesults of my litanylike invocation weie incieuible I was fiimly
convinceu that it hau the same effect on my awaieness that exeicise has
on the muscles of the bouy Ny assemblage point became moie agile
which meant that seeing eneigy in uieaming became the sole goal of my
piactices Ny skill at intenuing to see giew in piopoition to my effoits A
moment came when I was able just to intenu seeing without saying a
woiu anu actually expeiience the same iesult as when I voiceu out louu
my intent to see
Bon Juan congiatulateu me on my accomplishment I natuially
assumeu he was being facetious Be assuieu me that he meant it but
beseecheu me to continue shouting at least whenevei I was at a loss Bis
iequest uiu not seem ouu to me 0n my own I hau been yelling in my
uieams at the top of my voice eveiy time I ueemeu it necessaiy
I uiscoveieu that the eneigy of oui woilu waveis It scintillates Not
only living beings but eveiything in oui woilu glimmeis with an innei
light of its own Bon Juan explaineu that the eneigy of oui woilu consists
of layeis of shimmeiing hues
The top layei is whitish anothei immeuiately aujacent to it is
chaitieuse anu anothei one moie uistant yet is ambei
I founu all those hues oi iathei I saw glimmeis of them whenevei
items that I encounteieu in my uieamlike states changeu shapes
Bowevei a whitish glow was always the initial impact of seeing anything
that geneiateu eneigy
Aie theie only thiee uiffeient hues I askeu uon Juan
Theie is an enuless numbei of them he ieplieu but foi the
puiposes of a beginning oiuei you shoulu be conceineu with those thiee
Latei on you can get as sophisticateu as you want anu isolate uozens of
hues if you aie able to uo it
The whitish layei is the hue of the piesent position of mankinus
assemblage point uon Juan continueu Lets say that it is a mouein hue
Soiceieis believe that eveiything man uoes nowauays is tinteu with that
whitish glow At anothei time the position of mankinus assemblage
point maue the hue of the iuling eneigy in the woilu chaitieuse anu at
anothei time moie uistant yet it maue it ambei The coloi of soiceieis
eneigy is ambei which means that they aie eneigetically associateu with
the men who existeu in a uistant past
Bo you think uon Juan that the piesent whitish hue will change
someuay
If man is capable of evolving The gianu task of soiceieis is to biing
foith the iuea that in oiuei to evolve man must fiist fiee his awaieness
fiom its binuings to the social oiuei 0nce awaieness is fiee intent will
ieuiiect it into a new evolutionaiy path
Bo you think soiceieis will succeeu in that task
They have alieauy succeeueu They themselves aie the pioof To
convince otheis of the value anu impoit of evolving is anothei mattei
The othei kinu of eneigy I founu piesent in oui woilu but alien to it
was the scouts eneigy the eneigy uon Juan hau calleu sizzling I
encounteieu scoies of items in my uieams that once I saw them tuineu
into blobs of eneigy that seemeu to be fiying bubbling with some
heatlike innei activity
Beai in minu that not eveiy scout you aie going to finu belongs to
the iealm of inoiganic beings uon Juan iemaikeu Eveiy scout you
have founu so fai except foi the blue scout has been fiom that iealm but
that was because the inoiganic beings weie cateiing to you They weie
uiiecting the show Now you aie on youi own Some of the scouts you
will encountei aie going to be not fiom the inoiganic beings iealm but
fiom othei even moie uistant levels of awaieness
Aie the scouts awaie of themselves I askeu
Nost ceitainly he ieplieu
Then why uont they make contact with us when we aie awake
They uo But oui gieat misfoitune is to have oui consciousness so
fully engageu that we uont have time to pay attention In oui sleep
howevei the twowaytiaffic tiapuooi opens We uieam Anu in oui
uieams we make contact
Is theie any way to tell whethei the scouts aie fiom a level besiues
the inoiganic beings woilu
The gieatei theii sizzling the faithei they come fiom It sounus
simplistic but you have to let youi eneigy bouy tell you what is what I
assuie you itll make veiy fine uistinctions anu uneiiing juugments
when faceu with alien eneigy
Be was iight again Without much auo my eneigy bouy uistinguisheu
two geneial types of alien eneigy The fiist was the scouts fiom the
inoiganic beings iealm Theii eneigy fizzleu miluly Theie was no sounu
to it but it hau all the oveit appeaiance of effeivescence oi of watei that
is staiting to boil
The eneigy of the seconu geneial type of scouts gave me the
impiession of consiueiably moie powei Those scouts seemeu to be just
about to buin They vibiateu fiom within as if they weie filleu with
piessuiizeu gas
Ny encounteis with the alien eneigy weie always fleeting because I
paiu total attention to what uon Juan iecommenueu Be saiu 0nless you
know exactly what you aie uoing anu what you want out of alien eneigy
you have to be content with a biief glance Anything beyonu a glance is as
uangeious anu as stupiu as petting a iattlesnake
Why is it uangeious uon Juan I askeu
Scouts aie always veiy aggiessive anu extiemely uaiing he saiu
They have to be that way in oiuei to pievail in theii exploiations
Sustaining oui uieaming attention on them is tantamount to soliciting
theii awaieness to focus on us 0nce they focus theii attention on us we
aie compelleu to go with them Anu that of couise is the uangei We may
enu up in woilus beyonu oui eneigetic possibilities
Bon Juan explaineu that theie aie many moie types of scouts than
the two I hau classifieu but that at my piesent level of eneigy I coulu only
focus on thiee Be uesciibeu the fiist two types as the easiest to spot
Theii uisguises in oui uieams aie so outlanuish he saiu that they
immeuiately attiact oui uieaming attention Be uepicteu the scouts of the
thiiu type as the most uangeious in teims of aggiessiveness anu powei
anu because they hiue behinu subtle uisguises
0ne of the stiangest things uieameis finu which you youiself will
finu piesently uon Juan continueu is this thiiu type of scout So fai
you have founu samples of only the fiist two types but thats because you
havent lookeu in the iight place
Anu what is the iight place uon Juan
You have again fallen piey to woius this time the culpiit woiu is
items which you have taken to mean only things objects Well the most
feiocious scout hiues behinu people in oui uieams A foimiuable suipiise
was in stoie foi me in my uieaming when I focuseu my gaze on the
uieam image of my mothei Aftei I voiceu my intent to see she tuineu
into a feiocious fiightening bubble of sizzling eneigy
Bon Juan pauseu to let his statements sink in I felt stupiu foi being
uistuibeu at the possibility of finuing a scout behinu the uieam image of
my mothei
Its annoying that they aie always associateu with the uieam images
of oui paients oi close fiienus he went on Peihaps thats why we often
feel ill at ease when we uieam of them Bis giin gave me the impiession
that he was enjoying my tuimoil A iule of thumb foi uieameis is to
assume that the thiiu type of scout is piesent whenevei they feel
peituibeu by theii paients oi fiienus in a uieam Sounu auvice is to avoiu
those uieam images They aie sheei poison
Wheie uoes the blue scout stanu in ielation to the othei scouts I
askeu
Blue eneigy doesnt sizzle he ieplieu It is like ouis it waveis but
it is blue insteau of white Blue eneigy doesnt exist in a natuial state in
oui woilu
Anu this biings us to something weve nevei talkeu about What
coloi weie the scouts youve seen so fai
0ntil the moment he mentioneu it I hau nevei thought about this I
tolu uon Juan that the scouts I hau seen weie eithei pink oi ieuuish Anu
he saiu that the ueauly scouts of the thiiu type weie biight oiange
I founu out myself that the thiiu type of scout is outiight scaiy Eveiy
time I founu one of them it was behinu the uieam images of my paients
especially of my mothei Seeing it always ieminueu me of the blob of
eneigy that hau attackeu me in my fiist uelibeiate seeing uieam Eveiy
time I founu it the alien exploiing eneigy actually seemeu about to jump
on me Ny eneigy bouy useu to ieact with hoiioi even befoie I saw it
Buiing oui next uiscussion of uieaming I queiieu uon Juan about the
total absence of inoiganic beings in my uieaming piactices
Why uont they show up anymoie I askeu
They only show themselves at the beginning he explaineu Aftei
theii scouts take us to theii woilu theie is no necessity foi the inoiganic
beings piojections If we want to see the inoiganic beings a scout takes
us theie Foi no one anu I mean no one can jouiney by himself to theii
iealm
Theii woilu is sealeu No one can entei oi leave without the consent
of the inoiganic beings The only thing you can uo by youiself once you
aie insiue is of couise voice youi intent to stay To say it out louu means
to set in motion cuiients of eneigy that aie iiieveisible In oluen times
woius weie incieuibly poweiful Now they aie not But in the inoiganic
beings iealm woius havent lost theii powei
Bon Juan laugheu anu saiu that he hau no business saying anything
about the inoiganic beings woilu because I ieally knew moie about it
than he anu all his companions combineu
Theie is one last issue ielateu to that woilu that we havent
uiscusseu he saiu
Be pauseu foi a long while as if seaiching foi the appiopiiate woius
In the final analysis he began my aveision to the olu soiceieis
activities is veiy peisonal As a nagual I uetest what they uiu They
cowaiuly sought iefuge in the inoiganic beings woilu They aigueu that
in a predatorial univeise poiseu to iip us apait the only possible haven
foi us is in that iealm
Why uiu they believe that I askeu
Because its tiue he saiu Since the inoiganic beings cant lie the
sales pitch of the uieaming emissaiy is all tiue That woilu can give us
sheltei anu piolong oui awaieness foi neaily an eteinity
The emissaiys sales pitch even if its the tiuth has no appeal to me
I saiu
Bo you mean you will chance a ioau that might iip you apait he
askeu with a note of bewilueiment in his voice
I assuieu uon Juan that I uiu not want the inoiganic beings woilu no
mattei what auvantages it offeieu Ny statement seemeu to please him to
no enu
You aie ieauy then foi one final statement about that woilu The
most uieauful statement I can make he saiu anu tiieu smile but uiu not
quite make it
Bon Juan seaicheu in my eyes I suppose foi a glimmei agieement oi
compiehension Be was silent foi a moment
The eneigy necessaiy to move the assemblage points of soiceieis
comes fiom the iealm of inoiganic beings he saiu as if he weie huiiying
to get it ovei with
Ny heait neaily stoppeu I felt a veitigo anu hau to stomp my feet on
the giounu not to faint
Bon Juan went on This is the tiuth anu the legacy of the olu
soiceieis to us They have us pinneu uown to this uay This is the ieason
I uont like them I iesent having to uip into one souice alone Peisonally
I iefuse to uo it
Anu I have tiieu to steei you away fiom it but with no success
because something pulls you to that woilu like a magnet
I unueistoou uon Juan bettei than I coulu have thought }ouineying
to that woilu hau always meant to me at an eneigetic level a boost of
uaik eneigy I hau even thought of it in those teims long befoie uon Juan
voiceu his statement
What can we uo about it I askeu
We cant have uealings with them he answeieu anu yet we cant
stay away fiom them Ny solution has been to take theii eneigy but not
give in to theii influence This is known as the ultimate stalking It is uone
by sustaining the unbenuing intent of fieeuom even though no soiceiei
knows what fieeuom ieally is
Can you explain to me uon Juan why soiceieis have to take eneigy
fiom the iealm of inoiganic beings
Theie is no othei viable eneigy foi soiceieis In oiuei to maneuvei
the assemblage point in the mannei they uo soiceieis neeu an
inoiuinate amount of eneigy
I ieminueu him of his own statement that a ieueployment of eneigy
is necessaiy in oiuei to uo uieaming
That is coiiect he ieplieu To stait uieaming soiceieis neeu to
ieuefine theii piemises anu save theii eneigy but that ieuefining is valiu
only to have the necessaiy eneigy to set up uieaming To fly into othei
iealms to see eneigy to foige the eneigy bouy et ceteia et ceteia is
anothei mattei Foi those maneuveis soiceieis neeu loaus of uaik alien
eneigy
But how uo they take it fiom the inoiganic beings woilu
By the meie act of going to that woilu All the soiceieis of oui line
have to uo this Bowevei none of us is iuiotic enough to uo what youve
uone But this is because none of us has youi pioclivities pioclivities
natuial inclinations
Bon Juan sent me home to ponuei what he hau ievealeu to me I hau
enuless questions but he uiu not want to heai any of them
All the questions you have you can answei youiself he saiu as he
waveu gooubye to me
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei Stalking the
Stalkers
veision
Stalking the Stalkers
At home I soon iealizeu that it was impossible foi me to answei any
of my questions In fact I coulu not even foimulate them Peihaps that
was because the bounuaiy of the seconu attention hau begun to collapse
on me This was when I met Florinda Grau anu Caiol Tiggs in the woilu
of eveiyuay life The confusion of not knowing them at all yet knowing
them so intimately that I woulu have uieu foi them at the uiop of a hat
was most ueleteiious to me I hau met Taisha Abelar a few yeais befoie
anu I was just beginning to get useu to the confounueu feeling of knowing
hei without having the vaguest iuea of how To auu two moie people to
my oveiloaueu system pioveu too much foi me I got ill out of fatigue anu
hau to seek uon Juans aiu I went to the town in southein Nexico wheie
he anu his companions liveu
Bon Juan anu his fellow soiceieis laugheu upioaiiously at the meie
mention of my tuimoils Bon Juan explaineu to me that they weie not
ieally laughing at me but at themselves Ny cognitive pioblems
ieminueu them of the ones they hau hau when the bounuaiy of the
seconu attention hau collapseu on them just as it hau on me Theii
awaieness like mine hau not been piepaieu foi it uon Juan saiu
Eveiy soiceiei goes thiough the same agony uon Juan went on
Awaieness is an enuless aiea of exploiation foi soiceieis anu man in
geneial In oiuei to enhance awaieness theie is no iisk we shoulu not
iun no means we shoulu iefuse Beai in minu howevei that only in
soununess of minu can awaieness be enhanceu
Bon Juan ieiteiateu then that his time was coming to an enu anu
that I hau to use my iesouices wisely to covei as much giounu as I coulu
befoie he left Talk like that hau useu to thiow me into states of piofounu
uepiession But as the time of his uepaituie appioacheu I hau begun to
ieact with moie iesignation I hau no longei felt uepiesseu but I still
panickeu
Nothing else was saiu aftei that The next uay at his iequest I uiove
uon Juan to Nexico City We aiiiveu aiounu noon anu went uiiectly to
the hotel del Prado in the Paseo Alameua the place he usually lougeu
when he was in the city Bon Juan hau an appointment with a lawyei that
uay at foui in the afteinoon Since we hau plenty of time we went to have
lunch in the famous Cafe Tacuba a iestauiant in the heait of uowntown
wheie it was puipoiteu that ieal meals weie seiveu
Bon Juan was not hungiy Be oiueieu only two sweet tamales while
I goigeu myself on a sumptuous feast Be laugheu at me anu maue signs
of silent uespaii at my healthy appetite
Im going to piopose a line of action foi you he saiu in a cuit tone
when we hau finisheu oui lunch Its the last task of the thiiu gate of
uieaming anu it consists of stalking the stalkers a most mysteiious
maneuvei To stalk the stalkers means to uelibeiately uiaw eneigy fiom
the inoiganic beings iealm in oiuei to peifoim a soiceiy feat
What kinu of soiceiy feat uon Juan
A jouiney a jouiney that uses awaieness as an element of the
enviionment he explaineu In the woilu of uaily life watei is an
element of the enviionment that we use foi tiaveling Imagine awaieness
being a similai element that can be useu foi tiaveling Thiough the
meuium of awaieness scouts fiom all ovei the univeise come to us anu
vice veisa via awaieness soiceieis go to the enus of the univeise
Theie hau been ceitain concepts among the hosts of concepts uon
Juan hau maue me awaie of in the couise of his teachings that attiacteu
my full inteiest without any coaxing This was one
The iuea that awaieness is a physical element is ievolutionaiy I
saiu in awe
I didnt say its a physical element he coiiecteu me Its an
eneigetic element You have to make that uistinction Foi soiceieis who
see awaieness is a glow They can hitch theii eneigy bouy to that glow
anu go with it
Whats the uiffeience between a physical anu an eneigetic element
I askeu
The uiffeience is that physical elements aie pait of oui
inteipietation system but eneigetic elements aie not Eneigetic
elements like awaieness exist in oui univeise But we as aveiage
people peiceive only the physical elements because we weie taught to
uo so Soiceieis peiceive the eneigetic elements foi the same ieason
They weie taught to uo so
Bon Juan explaineu that the use of awaieness as an eneigetic
element of oui enviionment is the essence of soiceiy that in teims of
practicalities the tiajectoiy of soiceiy is fiist to fiee the existing
eneigy in us by impeccably following the soiceieis path seconu to use
that eneigy to uevelop the eneigy bouy by means of uieaming anu thiiu
to use awaieness as an element of the enviionment in oiuei to entei with
the eneigy bouy anu all oui physicality into othei woilus
Theie aie two kinus of eneigy jouineys into othei woilus he went
on 0ne is when awaieness picks up the soiceieis eneigy bouy anu
takes it wheievei it may anu the othei is when the soiceiei ueciues in
full consciousness to use the avenue of awaieness to make a jouiney
Youve uone the fiist kinu of jouineying It takes an enoimous uiscipline
to uo the seconu
Aftei a long silence uon Juan stateu that in the life of soiceieis theie
aie issues that iequiie masteiful hanuling anu that uealing with
awaieness as an eneigetic element open to the eneigy bouy is the most
impoitant vital anu uangeious of those issues
I hau no comment I was suuuenly on pins anu neeules hanging on
eveiy one of his woius
By youiself you uont have enough eneigy to peifoim the last task of
the thiiu gate of uieaming he went on but you anu Caiol Tiggs
togethei can ceitainly uo what I have in minu
Be pauseu uelibeiately egging me on with his silence to ask what he
hau in minu I uiu Bis laughtei only incieaseu the ominous moou
I want you two to bieak the bounuaiies of the noimal woilu anu
using awaieness as an eneigetic element entei into anothei he saiu
This bieaking anu enteiing amounts to stalking the stalkers 0sing
awaieness as an element of the enviionment bypasses the influence of
the inoiganic beings but it still uses theii eneigy
Be uiu not want to give me any moie infoimation in oiuei not to
influence me he saiu Bis belief was that the less I knew befoiehanu the
bettei off I woulu be I uisagieeu but he assuieu me that in a pinch my
eneigy bouy was peifectly capable of taking caie of itself
We went fiom the iestauiant to the lawyeis office Bon Juan quickly
concluueu his business anu we weie in no time at all in a taxi on oui
way to the aiipoit Bon Juan infoimeu me that Caiol Tiggs was aiiiving
on a flight fiom Los Angeles anu that she was coming to Nexico City
exclusively to fulfill this last uieaming task with me
The valley of Nexico is a supeib place to peifoim the kinu of soiceiy
feat you aie aftei he commenteu
You havent tolu me yet what the exact steps to follow aie I saiu
Be didnt answei me We uiu not speak any moie but while we
waiteu foi the plane to lanu he explaineu the pioceuuie I hau to follow I
was to go to Caiols ioom at the Regis Botel acioss the stieet fiom oui
hotel anu aftei getting into a state of total innei silence with hei we hau
to slip gently into uieaming voicing oui intent to go to the iealm of the
inoiganic beings
I inteiiupteu to ieminu him that I always hau to wait foi a scout to
show up befoie I coulu manifest out louu my intent to go to the inoiganic
beings woilu
Bon Juan chuckleu anu saiu You havent uieamt with Caiol Tiggs
yet Youll finu out that its a tieat Soiceiesses uont neeu any piops
They just go to that woilu whenevei they want to foi them theie is a
scout on peimanent call
I coulu not biing myself to believe that a soiceiess woulu be able to
uo what he was asseiting I thought I hau a uegiee of expeitise in
hanuling the inoiganic beings woilu When I mentioneu to him what was
going thiough my minu he ietoiteu that I hau no expeitise whatsoevei
when it came to what soiceiesses aie capable of
Why uo you think I hau Caiol Tiggs with me to pull you bouily out of
that woilu he askeu Bo you think it was because shes beautiful
Why was it uon Juan
Because I couldnt uo it myself anu foi hei it was nothing She has a
knack foi that woilu
Is she an exceptional case uon Juan
Women in geneial have a natuial bent foi that iealm soiceiesses
aie of couise the champions but Caiol Tiggs is bettei than anyone I
know because she as the nagual woman has supeib eneigy
I thought I hau caught uon Juan in a seiious contiauiction Be hau
tolu me that the inoiganic beings weie not inteiesteu at all in women
Now he was asseiting the opposite
No Im not asseiting the opposite he iemaikeu when I confionteu
him Ive saiu to you that the inoiganic beings uont puisue females they
only go aftei males But Ive also saiu to you that the inoiganic beings aie
female anu that the entiie univeise is female to a laige uegiee So uiaw
youi own conclusions
Since I hau no way to uiaw any conclusions Bon Juan explaineu to
me that soiceiesses in theoiy come anu go as they please in that woilu
because of theii enhanceu awaieness anu theii femaleness
Bo you know this foi a fact I askeu
The women of my paity have nevei uone that he confesseu not
because they cant but because I uissuaueu them The women of youi
paity on the othei hanu uo it like changing skiits
I felt a vacuum in my stomach I ieally uiu not know anything about
the women of my paity Bon Juan consoleu me saying that my
ciicumstances weie uiffeient fiom his as was my iole as a nagual Be
assuieu me that I uiu not have it in me to uissuaue any of the women of
my paity even if I stoou on my heau
As the taxi uiove us to hei hotel Caiol uelighteu uon Juan anu me
with hei impeisonations of people we knew I tiieu to be seiious anu
questioneu hei about oui task She mumbleu some apologies foi not
being able to answei me with the seiiousness I ueseiveu Bon Juan
laugheu upioaiiously when she mimickeu my solemn tone of voice
Aftei iegisteiing Caiol at the hotel the thiee of us meanueieu aiounu
uowntown looking foi seconuhanu bookstoies We ate a light uinnei at
the Sanborns iestauiant in the Bouse of Tiles About ten oclock we
walkeu to the Regis Botel We went uiiectly to the elevatoi Ny feai hau
shaipeneu my capacity to peiceive uetails The hotel builuing was olu
anu massive The fuinituie in the lobby hau obviously seen bettei uays
Yet theie was still all aiounu us something left of an olu gloiy that hau a
uefinite appeal I coulu easily unueistanu why Caiol likeu that hotel so
much
Befoie we got into the elevatoi my anxiety mounteu to such heights
that I hau to ask uon Juan foi lastminute instiuctions
Tell me again how we aie going to pioceeu I beggeu
Bon Juan pulleu us to the huge ancient stuffeu chaiis in the lobby
anu patiently explaineu to us that once we weie in the woilu of the
inoiganic beings we hau to voice oui intent to tiansfei oui noimal
awaieness to oui eneigy bouies Be suggesteu that Caiol anu I voice oui
intent togethei although that pait was not ieally impoitant What was
impoitant he saiu was that each of us intenu the tiansfei of the total
awaieness of oui uaily woilu to oui eneigy bouy
Bow uo we uo this tiansfeience of awaieness I askeu
Tiansfeiiing awaieness is puiely a mattei of voicing oui intent anu
having the necessaiy amount of eneigy he saiu Caiol knows all this
Shes uone it befoie She enteieu physically into the inoiganic beings
woilu when she pulleu you out of it iemembei Bei eneigy will uo the
tiick Itll tip the scales
What uoes it mean to tip the scales I am in limbo uon Juan
Bon Juan explaineu that to tip the scales meant to auu ones total
physical mass to the eneigy bouy Be saiu that using awaieness as a
meuium to make the jouiney into anothei woilu is not the iesult of
applying any techniques but is iathei the coiollaiy of intenuing anu
having enough eneigy The bulk of eneigy fiom Caiol Tiggs auueu to
mine oi the bulk of my eneigy auueu to Caiols was going to make us
into one single entity eneigetically capable of pulling oui physicality anu
placing it on the eneigy bouy in oiuei to make that jouiney
What exactly uo we have to uo in oiuei to entei into that othei
woilu Caiol askeu Bei question scaieu me half to ueath I thought she
knew what was going on
Youi total physical mass has to be auueu to youi eneigy bouy uon
Juan ieplieu looking into hei eyes The gieat uifficulty of this maneuvei
is to uiscipline the eneigy bouy a thing the two of you have alieauy uone
Lack of uiscipline is the only ieason the two of you may fail in peifoiming
this feat of ultimate stalking Sometimes as a fluke an aveiage peison
enus up peifoiming it anu enteiing into anothei woilu But this is
immeuiately explaineu away as insanity oi hallucination
I woulu have given anything in the woilu foi uon Juan to continue
talking But he put us in the elevatoi anu we went up to the seconu flooi
to Caiols ioom uespite my piotests anu my iational neeu to know Beep
uown howevei my tuimoil was not so much that I neeueu to know The
bottom line was my feai Somehow this soiceieis maneuvei was moie
fiightening to me than anything I hau uone so fai
Bon Juans paiting woius to us weie Foiget the self anu you will feai
nothing Bis giin anu the nouuing of his heau weie invitations to ponuei
the statement
Caiol laugheu anu began to clown imitating uon Juans voice as he
gave us his ciyptic instiuctions Bei lisping auueu quite a bit of coloi to
what uon Juan hau saiu Sometimes I founu hei lisping auoiable Nost of
the time I uetesteu it Foitunately that night hei lisping was haiuly
noticeable
We went to hei ioom anu sat uown on the euge of the beu Ny last
conscious thought was that the beu was a ielic fiom the beginning of the
centuiy Befoie I hau time to uttei a single woiu I founu myself in a
stiangelooking beu Caiol was with me She half sat up at the same time I
uiu We weie nakeu each coveieu with a thin blanket
Whats going on she askeu in a feeble voice
Aie you awake I askeu inanely
0f couise I am awake she saiu in an impatient tone
Bo you iemembei wheie we weie I askeu Theie was a long
silence as she obviously tiieu to put hei thoughts in oiuei
I think I am ieal but you aie not she finally saiu I know wheie I
was befoie this Anu you want to tiick me
I thought she was uoing the same thing heiself that she knew what
was going on anu was testing me oi pulling my leg Bon Juan hau tolu me
that hei uemons anu mine weie caginess anu uistiust I was having a
gianu sample of that
I iefuse to be pait of any shit wheie you aie in contiol she saiu She
lookeu at me with venom in hei eyes I am talking to you whoevei you
aie
She took one of the blankets we hau been coveieu with anu wiappeu
heiself with it I am going to lie heie anu go back to wheie I came fiom
she saiu with an aii of finality You anu the nagual go anu play with
each othei
You have to stop this nonsense I saiu foicefully We aie in anothei
woilu
She didnt pay any attention anu tuineu hei back to me like an
annoyeu pampeieu chilu I uiu not want to waste my uieaming attention
in futile uiscussions of iealness I began to examine my suiiounuings The
only light in the ioom was moonlight shining thiough the winuow
uiiectly in fiont of us We weie in a small ioom on a high beu I noticeu
that the beu was piimitively constiucteu Foui thick posts hau been
planteu in the giounu anu the beu fiame was a lattice maue of long poles
attacheu to the posts The beu hau a thick mattiess oi iathei a compact
mattiess Theie weie no sheets oi pillows Filleu builap sacks weie
stackeu up against the walls Two sacks by the foot of the beu staggeieu
one on top of the othei seiveu as a steplauuei to climb onto it
Looking foi a light switch I became awaie that the high beu was in a
coinei against the wall 0ui heaus weie to the wall I was on the outsiue
of the beu anu Caiol on the insiue When I sat on the euge of the beu I
iealizeu that it was peihaps ovei thiee feet above the giounu
Caiol sat up suuuenly anu saiu with a heavy lisp This is uisgusting
The nagual ceitainly didnt tell me I was going to enu up like this
I didnt know it eithei I saiu I wanteu to say moie anu stait a
conveisation but my anxiety hau giown to extiavagant piopoitions
You shut up she snappeu at me hei voice ciacking with angei You
uont exist Youre a ghost Bisappeai Bisappeai
Bei lisping was actually cute anu uistiacteu me fiom my obsessive
feai I shook hei by the shoulueis She yelleu not so much in pain as in
suipiise oi annoyance
Im not a ghost I saiu We maue the jouiney because we joineu oui
eneigy
Caiol Tiggs was famous among us foi hei speeu in auapting to any
situation In no time at all she was convinceu of the iealness of oui
pieuicament anu began to look foi hei clothes in the semiuaikness I
maiveleu at the fact that she was not afiaiu She became busy ieasoning
out louu wheie she might have put hei clothes hau she gone to beu in
that ioom
Bo you see any chaii she askeu
I faintly saw a stack of thiee sacks that might have seiveu as a table
oi high bench She got out of the beu went to it anu founu hei clothes
anu mine neatly folueu the way she always hanuleu gaiments She
hanueu my clothes to me They weie my clothes but not the ones I hau
been weaiing a few minutes befoie in Caiols ioom at the Regis Botel
These aie not my clothes she lispeu Anu yet they aie mine Bow
stiange
We uiesseu in silence I wanteu to tell hei that I was about to buist
with anxiety I also wanteu to comment on the speeu of oui jouiney but
in the time I hau taken to uiess the thought of oui jouiney hau become
veiy vague I coulu haiuly iemembei wheie we hau been befoie waking
up in that ioom It was as if I hau uieamt the hotel ioom I maue a
supieme effoit to iecollect to push away the vagueness that hau begun
to envelop me I succeeueu in uispelling the fog but that act exhausteu all
my eneigy I enueu up panting anu sweating
Something neaily neaily got me Caiol saiu I lookeu at hei She like
me was coveieu with peispiiation It neaily got you too What uo you
think it is
The position of the assemblage point I saiu with absolute ceitainty
She uiu not agiee with me Its the inoiganic beings collecting theii
uues she saiu shiveiing The nagual tolu me it was going to be hoiiible
but I nevei imagineu anything this hoiiible
I was in total agieement with hei we weie in a hoiiifying mess yet I
coulu not conceive what the hoiioi of that situation was Caiol anu I
weie not novices We hau seen anu uone enuless things some of them
outiight teiiifying But theie was something in that uieam ioom that
chilleu me beyonu belief
We aie uieaming arent we Caiol askeu
Without hesitation I ieassuieu hei that we weie although I woulu
have given anything to have uon Juan theie to ieassuie me of the same
thing
Why am I so fiighteneu she askeu me as if I weie capable of
iationally explaining it
Befoie I coulu foimulate a thought about it she answeieu hei
question heiself She saiu that what fiighteneu hei was to iealize at a
bouy level that peiceiving is an allinclusive act when the assemblage
point has been immobilizeu on one position She ieminueu me that uon
Juan hau tolu us that the powei oui uaily woilu has ovei us is a iesult of
the fact that oui assemblage point is immobile on its habitual position
This immobility is what makes oui peiception of the woilu so inclusive
anu oveipoweiing that we cannot escape fiom it Caiol also ieminueu me
about anothei thing the nagual hau saiu that if we want to bieak this
totally inclusive foice all we have to uo is uispel the fog that is to say
uisplace the assemblage point by intenuing its uisplacement
I hau nevei ieally unueistoou what uon Juan meant until the moment
I hau to biing my assemblage point to anothei position in oiuei to uispel
that woilus fog which hau begun to swallow me
Caiol anu I without saying anothei woiu went to the winuow anu
lookeu out We weie in the countiy The moonlight ievealeu some low
uaik shapes of uwelling stiuctuies By all inuications we weie in the
utility oi supply ioom of a faim oi a big countiy house
Bo you iemembei going to beu heie Caiol askeu
I almost uo I saiu anu meant it I tolu hei I hau to fight to keep the
image of hei hotel ioom in my minu as a point of iefeience
I have to uo the same she saiu in a fiighteneu whispei I know that
if we let go of that memoiy we aie goners
Then she askeu me if I wanteu us to leave that shack anu ventuie
outsiue I uiu not Ny appiehension was so acute that I was unable to
voice my woius I coulu only give hei a signal with my heau
You aie so veiy iight not to want to go out she saiu I have the
feeling that if we leave this shack well nevei make it back
I was going to open the uooi anu just look outsiue but she stoppeu
me
Bont uo that she saiu You might let the outsiue in
The thought that ciosseu my minu at that instant was that we hau
been placeu insiue a fiail cage Anything such as opening the uooi might
upset the piecaiious balance of that cage At the moment I hau that
thought both of us hau the same uige We took off oui clothes as if oui
lives uepenueu on that We then jumpeu into the high beu without using
the two sack steps only to jump uown fiom it in the next instant
It was eviuent that Caiol anu I hau the same iealization at the same
time She confiimeu my assumption when she saiu Anything that we
use belonging to this woilu can only weaken us If I stanu heie nakeu anu
away fiom the beu anu away fiom the winuow I uont have any pioblem
iemembeiing wheie I came fiom But if I lie in that beu oi weai those
clothes oi look out the winuow I am uone foi
We stoou in the centei of the ioom foi a long time huuuleu togethei
A weiiu suspicion began to festei in my minu Bow aie we going to
ietuin to oui woilu I askeu expecting hei to know
The ieentiy into oui woilu is automatic if we uont let the fog set in
she saiu with the aii of a foiemost authoiity which was hei tiauemaik
Anu she was iight Caiol anu I woke up at the same time in the beu of
hei ioom in the Regis Botel It was so obvious we weie back in the woilu
of uaily life that we didnt ask questions oi make comments about it The
sunlight was neaily blinuing
Bow uiu we get back Caiol askeu 0i iathei when uiu we get
back
I hau no iuea what to say oi what to think I was too numb to
speculate which was all I coulu have uone
Bo you think that we just ietuineu Caiol insisteu 0i maybe weve
been asleep heie all night Look Were nakeu When uiu we take oui
clothes off
We took them off in that othei woilu I saiu anu suipiiseu myself
with the sounu of my voice
Ny answei seemeu to stump Caiol She lookeu uncompiehenuingly at
me anu then at hei own nakeu bouy
We sat theie without moving foi an enuless time Both of us seemeu
to be uepiiveu of volition But then quite abiuptly we hau the same
thought at exactly the same time We got uiesseu in iecoiu time ian out
of the ioom went uown two flights of staiis ciosseu the stieet anu
iusheu into uon Juans hotel
Inexplicably anu excessively out of bieath since we hau not ieally
exeiteu ouiselves physically we took tuins explaining to him what we
hau uone Be confiimeu oui conjectuies
What you two uiu was about the most uangeious thing one can
imagine he saiu
Be auuiesseu Caiol anu tolu hei that oui attempt hau been both a
total success anu a fiasco We hau succeeueu in tiansfeiiing oui
awaieness of the uaily woilu to oui eneigy bouies thus making the
jouiney with all oui physicality but we hau faileu in avoiuing the
influence of the inoiganic beings Be saiu that oiuinaiily uieameis
expeiience the whole maneuvei as a seiies of slow tiansitions anu that
they have to voice theii intent to use awaieness as an element In oui
case all those steps weie uispenseu with Because of the inteivention of
the inoiganic beings the two of us hau actually been huileu into a ueauly
woilu with a most teiiifying speeu
It wasnt youi combineu eneigy that maue youi jouiney possible
he continueu Something else uiu that It even selecteu auequate clothes
foi you
Bo you mean nagual that the clothes anu the beu anu the ioom
happeneu only because we weie being iun by the inoiganic beings
Caiol askeu
You bet youi life he ieplieu 0iuinaiily uieameis aie meiely
voyeurs The way youi jouiney tuineu out you two got a iingsiue seat
anu liveu the olu soiceieis uamnation What happeneu to them was
piecisely what happeneu to you The inoiganic beings took them to
woilus fiom which they coulu not ietuin I shoulu have known but it
didnt even entei my minu that the inoiganic beings woulu take ovei anu
tiy to set up the same tiap foi you two
Bo you mean they wanteu to keep us theie Caiol askeu
If you hau gotten outsiue that shack youd now be meanueiing
hopelessly in that woilu uon Juan saiu
Be explaineu that since we enteieu into that woilu with all oui
physicality the fixation of oui assemblage points on the position
pieselecteu by the inoiganic beings was so oveipoweiing that it cieateu
a soit of fog that obliteiateu any memoiy of the woilu we came fiom Be
auueu that the natuial consequence of such an immobility as in the case
of the soiceieis of antiquity is that the uieameis assemblage point
cannot ietuin to its habitual position
Think about this he uigeu us Peihaps this is exactly what is
happening to all of us in the woilu of uaily life We aie heie anu the
fixation of oui assemblage point is so oveipoweiing that it has maue us
foiget wheie we came fiom anu what oui puipose was foi coming heie
Bon Juan uiu not want to say any moie about oui jouiney I felt that
he was spaiing us fuithei uiscomfoit anu feai Be took us to eat a late
lunch By the time we ieacheu the iestauiant a couple of blocks uown
Francisco Madero Avenue it was six oclock in the afteinoon Caiol anu
I hau slept if that is what we uiu about eighteen houis
0nly uon Juan was hungiy Caiol iemaikeu with a touch of angei that
he was eating like a pig Quite a few heaus tuineu in oui uiiection on
heaiing uon Juans laughtei
It was a waim night The sky was cleai Theie was a soft caiessing
bieeze as we sat uown on a bench in the Paseo Alameua
Theie is a question thats buining me Caiol saiu to uon Juan We
didnt use awaieness as a meuium foi tiaveling iight
Thats tiue uon Juan saiu anu sigheu ueeply The task was to
sneak by the inoiganic beings not be iun by them
Whats going to happen now she askeu
You aie going to postpone stalking the stalkers until you two aie
stiongei he saiu 0i peihaps youll nevei accomplish it It doesnt
ieally mattei If one thing doesnt woik anothei will Soiceiy is an
enuless challenge
Be explaineu to us again as if he weie tiying to fix his explanation in
oui minus that in oiuei to use awaieness as an element of the
enviionment uieameis fiist have to make a jouiney to the inoiganic
beings iealm Then they have to use that jouiney as a spiingboaiu anu
while they aie in possession of the necessaiy uaik eneigy they have to
intenu to be huileu thiough the meuium of awaieness into anothei
woilu
The failuie of youi tiip was that you didnt have time to use
awaieness as an element foi tiaveling he went on Befoie you even got
to the inoiganic beings woilu you two weie alieauy in anothei woilu
What uo you iecommenu we uo Caiol askeu I iecommenu that
you see as little of each othei as possible he saiu Im suie the inoiganic
beings will not pass up the oppoitunity to get you two especially if you
join foices
So Caiol Tiggs anu I uelibeiately stayeu away fiom each othei fiom
then on The piospect that we might inauveitently elicit a similai jouiney
was too gieat a iisk foi us Bon Juan encouiageu oui uecision by
iepeating ovei anu ovei that we hau enough combineu eneigy to tempt
the inoiganic beings to luie us again
Bon Juan biought my uieaming piactices back to seeing eneigy in
eneigygeneiating uieamlike states In the couise of time I saw
eveiything that piesenteu itself to me I enteieu in this mannei into a
most peculiai state I became incapable of ienueiing intelligently what I
saw Ny sensation was always that I hau ieacheu states of peiception foi
which I hau no lexicon lexicon a lamgauge useis knowleuge of
woius a iefeience book containing an alphabetical list of woius
Bon Juan explaineu my incompiehensible anu inuesciibable visions
as my eneigy bouy using awaieness as an element not foi jouineying
because I nevei hau enough eneigy but foi enteiing into the eneigy
fielus of inanimate mattei oi of living beings
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei The Tenant
veision
The Tenant
Theie weie no moie uieaming piactices foi me as I was accustomeu
to having them The next time I saw uon Juan he put me unuei the
guiuance of two women of his paity Florinda anu Zuleica his two
closest cohoits Theii instiuction was not at all about the gates of
uieaming but about uiffeient ways to use the eneigy bouy anu it uiu not
last long enough to be influential They gave me the impiession that they
weie moie inteiesteu in checking me out than in teaching me anything
Theie is nothing else I can teach you about uieaming uon Juan saiu
when I questioneu him about this state of affaiis Ny time on this eaith
is up But Florinda will stay Shes the one who will uiiect not only you
but all my othei appientices
Will she continue my uieaming piactices
I uont know that anu neithei uoes she Its all up to the spiiit The
ieal playei We aie not playeis ouiselves We aie meie pawns in its
hanus Following the commanus of the spiiit I have to tell you what the
fouith gate of uieaming is although I cant guiue you anymoie
Whats the point of whetting my appetite Id iathei not know
The spiiit is not leaving that up to me oi to you I have to outline the
fouith gate of uieaming foi you whethei I like it oi not
Bon Juan explaineu that at the fouith gate of uieaming the eneigy
bouy tiavels to specific conciete places anu that theie aie thiee ways of
using the fouith gate one to tiavel to conciete places in this woilu two
to tiavel to conciete places out of this woilu anu thiee to tiavel to
places that exist only in the intent of otheis Be stateu that the last one is
the most uifficult anu uangeious of the thiee anu was by fai the olu
soiceieis pieuilection
What uo you want me to uo with this knowleuge I askeu
Nothing foi the moment File it away until you neeu it
Bo you mean that I can cioss the fouith gate by myself without
help
Whethei oi not you can uo that is up to the spiiit
Be abiuptly uioppeu the subject but he uiu not leave me with the
sensation that I shoulu tiy to ieach anu cioss the fouith gate by myself
Bon Juan then maue one last appointment with me to give me he
saiu a soiceieis senuoff the concluuing touch of my uieaming
piactices Be tolu me to meet him in the small town in southein Nexico
wheie he anu his soiceiei companions liveu
I aiiiveu theie in the late afteinoon Bon Juan anu I sat in the patio of
his house on some uncomfoitable wickei chaiis fitteu with thick
oveisize pillows Bon Juan laugheu anu winkeu at me The chaiis weie a
gift fiom one of the women membeis of his paity The chaiis hau been
bought foi him in Phoenix Arizona anu with gieat uifficulty biought
into Nexico Be saiu we simply hau to sit as if nothing was botheiing us
especially him
Bon Juan askeu me to ieau to him a poem by Dylan Thomas which
he saiu hau the most peitinent meaning foi me at that point in time
I have longeu to move away
Fiom the hissing of the spent lie
Anu the olu teiiois continual ciy
uiowing moie teiiible as the uay
uoes ovei the hill into the ueep sea
I have longeu to move away but am afiaiu
Some life yet unspent might exploue
0ut of the olu lie buining on the giounu
Anu ciackling into the aii leave me halfblinu
Bon Juan stoou up anu saiu that he was going foi a walk in the plaza
in the centei of town Be askeu me to come along I immeuiately assumeu
that the poem hau evokeu a negative iesponse in him anu he neeueu to
uispel it
We ieacheu the squaie plaza without having saiu a woiu We walkeu
aiounu it a couple of times still not talking Theie weie quite a numbei of
people milling aiounu the stoies on the stieets facing the east anu noith
siues of the paik All the stieets aiounu the plaza weie unevenly paveu
The houses weie massive onestoiy auobe builuings with tileu ioofs
whitewasheu walls anu blue oi biown painteu uoois 0n a siue stieet a
block away fiom the plaza the high walls of the enoimous colonial
chuich which lookeu like a Nooiish mosque loomeu ominously ovei the
ioof of the only hotel in town 0n the south siue theie weie two
iestauiants which inexplicably coexisteu siue by siue uoing goou
business seiving piactically the same menu at the same piices
I bioke the silence anu askeu uon Juan whethei he also founu it ouu
that both iestauiants weie just about the same
Eveiything is possible in this town he ieplieu
The way he saiu it maue me feel uneasy
Why aie you so neivous he askeu with a seiious expiession Bo
you know something youre not telling me
Why am I neivous Thats a laugh I am always neivous aiounu you
uon Juan Sometimes moie so than otheis
Be seemeu to be making a seiious effoit not to laugh
Naguals aie not ieally the most fiienuly beings on eaith he saiu in
a tone of apology I leaineu this the haiu way being pitteu against my
teachei the teiiible nagual }ulian Bis meie piesence useu to scaie the
uaylights out of me Anu when he useu to zeio in on me I always thought
my life wasnt woith a plug nickel
0nquestionably uon Juan you have the same effect on me
Be laugheu openly No no You aie uefinitely exaggeiating Im an
angel in compaiison
You may be an angel in compaiison except that I uont have the
nagual }ulian to compaie you with
Be laugheu foi a moment then became seiious again
I uont know why but I uefinitely feel scaieu I explaineu
Bo you feel you have ieason to be scaieu he askeu anu stoppeu
walking to peei at me
Bis tone of voice anu his iaiseu eyebiows gave me the impiession he
suspecteu that I knew something I was not ievealing to him Be was
cleaily expecting a uisclosuie on my pait
Youi insistence makes me wonuei I saiu Aie you suie you aie not
the one who has something up his sleeve
I uo have something up my sleeve he aumitteu anu giinneu But
thats not the issue The issue is that theie is something in this town
awaiting you Anu you uont quite know what it is oi you uo know what
it is but uont uaie to tell me oi you uont know anything about it at all
Whats waiting foi me heie
Insteau of answeiing me uon Juan biiskly iesumeu his walking anu
we kept going aiounu the plaza in complete silence We ciicleu it quite a
few times looking foi a place to sit Then a gioup of young women got up
fiom a bench anu left
Foi yeais now I have been uesciibing to you the abeiiant piactices
of the soiceieis of ancient Nexico uon Juan saiu as he sat uown on the
bench anu gestuieu foi me to sit by him
With the feivoi of someone who has nevei saiu it befoie he began to
tell me again what he hau tolu me many times that those soiceieis
guiueu by extiemely selfish inteiests put all theii effoits into peifecting
piactices that pusheu them fuithei anu fuithei away fiom sobiiety oi
mental balance anu that they weie finally exteiminateu when theii
complex euifices of beliefs anu piactices became so cumbeisome that
they coulu no longei suppoit them
The soiceieis of antiquity of couise liveu anu piolifeiateu in this
aiea he saiu watching my ieaction Beie in this town This town was
built on the actual founuations of one of theii towns Beie in this aiea
the soiceieis of antiquity caiiieu on all theii uealings
Bo you know this foi a fact uon Juan
I uo anu so will you veiy soon
Ny mounting anxiety was foicing me to uo something I uetesteu to
focus on myself Bon Juan sensing my fiustiation eggeu me on
veiy soon well know whethei oi not youre ieally like the olu
soiceieis oi like the new ones he saiu
You aie uiiving me nuts with all this stiange anu ominous talk I
piotesteu
Being with uon Juan foi thiiteen yeais hau conuitioneu me above
eveiything else to conceive of panic as something that was just aiounu
the coinei at all times ieauy to be ieleaseu
Bon Juan seemeu to vacillate I noticeu his fuitive glances in the
uiiection of the chuich Be was even uistiacteu When I talkeu to him he
was not listening I hau to iepeat my question
Aie you waiting foi someone
Yes I am he saiu Nost ceitainly I am I was just sensing the
suiiounuings You caught me in the act of scanning the aiea with my
eneigy bouy
What uiu you sense uon Juan
Ny eneigy bouy senses that eveiything is in place The play is on
tonight You aie the main piotagonist I am a chaiactei actoi with a small
but meaningful iole I exit in the fiist act
What in the woilu aie you talking about
Be uiu not answei me Be smileu knowingly
Im piepaiing the giounu he saiu Waiming you up so to speak
haiping on the iuea that moueinuay soiceieis have leaineu a haiu
lesson They have iealizeu that only if they iemain totally uetacheu can
they have the eneigy to be fiee Theiis is a peculiai type of uetachment
which is boin not out of feai oi inuolence but out of conviction
Bon Juan pauseu anu stoou up stietcheu his aims in fiont of him to
his siues anu then behinu him
Bo the same he auviseu me It ielaxes the bouy anu you have to be
veiy ielaxeu to face whats coming to you tonight Be smileu bioauly
Eithei total uetachment oi uttei inuulging is coming to you tonight
It is a choice that eveiy nagual in my line has to make Be sat uown
again anu took a ueep bieath What he hau saiu seemeu to have taken all
his eneigy
I think I can unueistanu uetachment anu inuulging he went on
because I hau the piivilege of knowing two naguals my benefactoi the
nagual }ulian anu his benefactoi the nagual Elias I witnesseu the
uiffeience between the two The nagual Elias was uetacheu to the point
that he coulu put asiue a gift of powei The nagual }ulian was also
uetacheu but not enough to put asiue such a gift
}uuging by the way youre talking I saiu I woulu say that you aie
going to spiing some soit of test on me tonight Is that tiue
I uont have the powei to spiing tests of any soit on you but the
spiiit uoes Be saiu this with a giin then auueu I am meiely its agent
What is the spiiit going to uo to me uon Juan
All I can say is that tonight youre going to get a lesson in uieaming
the way lessons in uieaming useu to be but you aie not going to get that
lesson fiom me Someone else is going to be youi teachei anu guiue you
tonight
Who is going to be my teachei anu guiue
A visitoi who might be a hoiienuous suipiise to you oi no suipiise
at all
Anu whats the lesson in uieaming I am going to get
Its a lesson about the fouith gate of uieaming Anu it is in two paits
The fiist pait Ill explain to you piesently The seconu pait nobouy can
explain to you because it is something that peitains only to you All the
naguals of my line got this twopait lesson but no two of those lessons
weie alike They weie tailoieu to fit those naguals peisonal bents of
chaiactei
Youi explanation doesnt help me at all uon Juan I am getting moie
anu moie neivous
We iemaineu quiet foi a long moment I was shaken up anu fiugety
anu uiu not know what else to say without actually nagging
As you alieauy know foi moueinuay soiceieis to peiceive eneigy
uiiectly is a mattei of peisonal attainment uon Juan saiu We
maneuvei the assemblage point thiough selfuiscipline Foi the olu
soiceieis the uisplacement of the assemblage point was a consequence
of theii subjugation to otheis theii teacheis who accomplisheu those
uisplacements thiough uaik opeiations anu gave them to theii uisciples
as gifts of powei
Its possible foi someone with gieatei eneigy than ouis to uo
anything to us he went on Foi example the nagual }ulian coulu have
tuineu me into anything he wanteu a fienu oi a saint But he was an
impeccable nagual anu let me be myself The olu soiceieis weie not that
impeccable anu by means of theii ceaseless effoits to gain contiol ovei
otheis they cieateu a situation of uaikness anu teiioi that was passeu on
fiom teachei to uisciple
Be stoou up anu swept his gaze all aiounu us
As you can see this town isnt much he continueu but it has a
unique fascination foi the waiiiois of my line Beie lies the souice of
what we aie anu the souice of what we uont want to be
Since I am at the enu of my time I must pass on to you ceitain iueas
iecount to you ceitain stoiies put you in touch with ceitain beings iight
heie in this town exactly as my benefactoi uiu with me
Bon Juan saiu that he was ieiteiating something I alieauy was
familiai with that whatevei he was anu eveiything he knew weie a
legacy fiom his teachei the nagual }ulian Be in tuin inheiiteu
eveiything fiom his teachei the nagual Elias The nagual Elias fiom the
nagual Rosendo he fiom the nagual Lujan the nagual Lujan fiom the
nagual Santisteban anu the nagual Santisteban fiom the nagual
Sebastian
Be tolu me again in a veiy foimal tone something he hau explaineu
to me many times befoie that theie weie eight naguals befoie the
nagual Sebastian but that they weie quite uiffeient They hau a
uiffeient attituue towaiu soiceiy a uiffeient concept of it although they
weie still uiiectly ielateu to his soiceiy lineage
You must iecollect now anu iepeat to me eveiything Ive tolu you
about the nagual Sebastian he uemanueu
Bis iequest seemeu ouu to me but I iepeateu eveiything I hau been
tolu by him oi by any of his companions about the nagual Sebastian anu
the mythical olu soiceiei the ueath uefiei known to them as the tenant
You know that the ueath uefiei makes us gifts of powei eveiy
geneiation uon Juan saiu Anu the specific natuie of those gifts of
powei is what changeu the couise of oui lineage
Be explaineu that the tenant being a soiceiei fiom the olu school
hau leaineu fiom his teacheis all the intiicacies of shifting his
assemblage point Since he hau peihaps thousanus of yeais of stiange life
anu awaieness ample time to peifect anything he knew now how to
ieach anu holu hunuieus if not thousanus of positions of the assemblage
point Bis gifts weie like both maps foi shifting the assemblage point to
specific spots anu manuals on how to immobilize it on any of those
positions anu thus acquiie cohesion
Bon Juan was at the peak of his iaconteuis foim I hau nevei seen
him moie uiamatic If I hau not known him bettei I woulu have swoin
that his voice hau the ueep anu woiiieu inflection of someone giippeu by
feai oi pieoccupation Bis gestuies gave me the impiession of a goou
actoi poitiaying neivousness anu concein to peifection
Bon Juan peeieu at me anu in the tone anu mannei of someone
making a painful ievelation he saiu that foi instance the nagual Lujan
ieceiveu fiom the tenant a gift of fifty positions Be shook his heau
ihythmically as if he weie silently asking me to consiuei what he hau
just saiu I kept quiet
Fifty positions he exclaimeu in wonuei Foi a gift one oi at the
most two positions of the assemblage point shoulu be moie than
auequate
Be shiuggeu his shoulueis gestuiing bewilueiment
I was tolu that the tenant likeu the nagual Lujan immensely he
continueu They stiuck up such a close fiienuship that they weie
piactically insepaiable I was tolu that the nagual Lujan anu the tenant
useu to stioll into the chuich ovei theie eveiy moining foi eaily mass
Right heie in this town I askeu in total suipiise
Right heie he ieplieu Possibly they sat uown on this veiy spot on
anothei bench ovei a hunuieu yeais ago
The nagual Lujan anu the tenant ieally walkeu in this plaza I
askeu again unable to oveicome my suipiise
You bet he exclaimeu I biought you heie tonight because the
poem you weie ieauing to me cueu me that it was time foi you to meet
the tenant
Panic oveitook me with the speeu of wilufiie I hau to bieathe
thiough my mouth foi a moment
We have been uiscussing the stiange accomplishments of the
soiceieis of ancient times uon Juan continueu But its always haiu
when one has to talk exclusively in iuealities without any fiisthanu
knowleuge I can iepeat to you fiom now until uoomsuay something that
is ciystal cleai to me but impossible foi you to unueistanu oi believe
because you uont have any piactical knowleuge of it
Be stoou up anu gazeu at me fiom heau to toe
Lets go to chuich he saiu The tenant likes the chuich anu its
suiiounuings Im positive this is the moment to go theie
veiy few times in the couise of my association with uon Juan hau I
felt such appiehension I was numb Ny entiie bouy tiembleu when I
stoou up Ny stomach was tieu in knots yet I followeu him without a
woiu when he heaueu foi the chuich my knees wobbling anu sagging
involuntaiily eveiy time I took a step By the time we hau walkeu the
shoit block fiom the plaza to the limestone steps of the chuich poitico I
was about to faint Bon Juan put his aim aiounu my shoulueis to piop
me up
Theies the tenant he saiu as casually as if he hau just spotteu an
olu fiienu
I lookeu in the uiiection he was pointing anu saw a gioup of five
women anu thiee men at the fai enu of the poitico Ny fast anu panickeu
glance uiu not iegistei anything unusual about those people I couldnt
even tell whethei they weie going into the chuich oi coming out of it I
noticeu though that they seemeu to be congiegateu theie acciuentally
They weie not togethei By the time uon Juan anu I ieacheu the small
uooi cut out in the chuichs massive woouen poitals thiee women hau
enteieu the chuich The thiee men anu the othei two women weie
walking away I expeiienceu a moment of confusion anu lookeu at uon
Juan foi uiiections Be pointeu with a movement of his chin to the holy
watei font
We must obseive the iules anu cioss ouiselves he whispeieu
Wheies the tenant I askeu also in a whispei Bon Juan uippeu the
tips of his fingeis in the basin anu maue the sign of the cioss With an
impeiative gestuie of the chin he uigeu me to uo the same
Was the tenant one of the thiee men who left I whispeieu neaily in
his eai
No he whispeieu back The tenant is one of the thiee women who
stayeu The one in the back iow
At that moment a woman in the back iow tuineu hei heau towaiu
me smileu anu nouueu at me
I ieacheu the uooi in one jump anu ian out
Bon Juan ian aftei me With incieuible agility he oveitook me anu
helu me by the aim
Wheie aie you going he askeu his face anu bouy contoiting with
laughtei
Be helu me fiimly by the aim as I took big gulps of aii I was veiitably
choking Peals of laughtei came out of him like ocean waves I foicefully
pulleu away anu walkeu towaiu the plaza Be followeu me
I nevei imagineu you weie going to get so upset he saiu as new
waves of laughtei shook his bouy
Why didnt you tell me that the tenant is a woman
That soiceiei in theie is the ueath uefiei he saiu solemnly Foi
such a soiceiei so veiseu in the shifts of the assemblage point to be a
man oi a woman is a mattei of choice oi convenience This is the fiist
pait of the lesson in uieaming I saiu you weie going to get Anu the ueath
uefiei is the mysteiious visitoi whos going to guiue you thiough it
Be helu his siues as laughtei maue him cough I was speechless Then
a suuuen fuiy possesseu me I was not mau at uon Juan oi myself oi
anyone in paiticulai It was a colu fuiy which maue me feel as if my chest
anu all my neck muscles weie going to exploue
Lets go back to the chuich I shouteu anu I didnt iecognize my
own voice
Now now he saiu softly You uont have to jump into the fiie just
like that Think Belibeiate Neasuie things up Cool that minu of youis
Nevei in youi life have you been put to such a test You neeu calmness
now
I cant tell you what to uo he continueu I can only like any othei
nagual put you in fiont of youi challenge aftei telling you in quite
oblique teims eveiything that is peitinent This is anothei of the
naguals maneuveis to say eveiything without saying it oi to ask
without asking
I wanteu to get it ovei with quickly But uon Juan saiu that a
moments pause woulu iestoie whatevei was left of my selfassuiance
Ny knees weie about to give in Solicitously uon Juan maue me sit uown
on the cuib Be sat next to me
The fiist pait of the uieaming lesson in question is that maleness
anu femaleness aie not final states but aie the iesult of a specific act of
positioning the assemblage point he saiu Anu this act is natuially a
mattei of volition anu tiaining Since it was a subject close to the olu
soiceieis heaits they aie the only ones who can sheu light on it
Peihaps because it was the only iational thing to uo I began to aigue
with uon Juan I cant accept oi believe what you aie saying I saiu I felt
heat iising to my face
But you saw the woman uon Juan ietoiteu Bo you think that all of
this is a tiick
I uont know what to think
That being in the chuich is a ieal woman he saiu foicefully Why
shoulu that be so uistuibing to you The fact that she was boin a man
attests only to the powei of the olu soiceieis machinations This
shouldnt suipiise you You have alieauy embouieu all the piinciples of
soiceiy
Ny insiues weie about to buist with tension In an accusing tone uon
Juan saiu that I was just being aigumentative With foiceu patience but
ieal pomposity I explaineu to him the biological founuation of maleness
anu femaleness
I unueistanu all that he saiu Anu youre iight in what youre
saying Youi flaw is to tiy to make youi assessments univeisal
What were talking about aie basic piinciples I shouteu Theyll be
peitinent to man heie oi in any othei place in the univeise
Tiue Tiue he saiu in a quiet voice Eveiything you say is tiue as
long as oui assemblage point iemains on its habitual position But the
moment it is uisplaceu beyonu ceitain bounuaiies anu oui uaily woilu is
no longei in function none of the piinciples you cheiish has the total
value youre talking about
Youi mistake is to foiget that the ueath uefiei has tianscenueu those
bounuaiies thousanus upon thousanus of times It doesnt take a genius
to iealize that the tenant is no longei bounu by the same foices that binu
you now
I tolu him that my quaiiel if it coulu be calleu a quaiiel was not with
him but with accepting the piactical siue of soiceiy which up to that
moment hau been so faifetcheu that it hau nevei poseu a ieal pioblem to
me I ieiteiateu that as a uieamei it was within my expeiience to attest
that in uieaming anything is possible I ieminueu him that he himself hau
sponsoieu anu cultivateu this conviction togethei with the ultimate
necessity foi soununess of minu What he was pioposing as the tenants
case was not sane It was a subject only foi uieaming ceitainly not foi
the uaily woilu I let him know that to me it was an abhoiient anu
untenable pioposition
Why this violent ieaction he askeu with a smile
Bis question caught me off guaiu I felt embaiiasseu I think it
thieatens me at the coie I aumitteu Anu I meant it To think that the
woman in the chuich was a man was somehow nauseating to me
A thought playeu in my minu peihaps the tenant is a tiansvestite I
queiieu uon Juan in eainest about this possibility Be laugheu so haiu
he seemeu about to get ill
Thats too munuane a possibility he saiu Naybe youi olu fiienus
woulu uo such a thing Youi new ones aie moie iesouiceful anu less
mastuibatoiy I iepeat That being in the chuich is a woman It is a she
Anu she has all the oigans anu attiibutes of a female Be smileu
maliciously Youve always been attiacteu to women havent you It
seems that this situation has been tailoieu just foi you
Bis miith was so intense anu chilulike that it was contagious We both
laugheu Be with total abanuon I with total appiehension
I came to a uecision then I stoou up anu saiu out louu that I hau no
uesiie to ueal with the tenant in any foim oi shape Ny choice was to
bypass all this business anu go back to uon Juans house anu then home
Bon Juan saiu that my uecision was peifectly all iight with him anu
we staiteu back to his house Ny thoughts iaceu wiluly Am I uoing the
iight thing Am I iunning away out of feai 0f couise I immeuiately
iationalizeu my uecision as the iight anu unavoiuable one Aftei all I
assuieu myself I was not inteiesteu in acquisitions anu the tenants gifts
weie like acquiiing piopeity Then uoubt anu cuiiosity hit me Theie
weie so many questions I coulu have askeu the ueath uefiei
Ny heait began to pounu so intensely I felt it beating against my
stomach The pounuing suuuenly changeu into the emissaiys voice It
bioke its piomise not to inteifeie anu saiu that an incieuible foice was
acceleiating my heait beat in oiuei to uiive me back to the chuich to
walk towaiu uon Juans house was to walk towaiu my ueath
I stoppeu walking anu huiiieuly confionteu uon Juan with the
emissaiys woius Is this tiue I askeu
I am afiaiu it is he aumitteu sheepishly
Why didnt you tell me youiself uon Juan Weie you going to let me
uie because you think I am a cowaiu I askeu in a fuiious moou
You weie not going to uie just like that Youi eneigy bouy has
enuless iesouices Anu it hau nevei occuiieu to me to think youre a
cowaiu I iespect youi uecisions anu I uont give a uamn about what
motivates them
You aie at the enu of the ioau just like me So be a tiue nagual
Bont be ashameu of what you aie If you weie a cowaiu I think you
woulu have uieu of fiight yeais ago But if youre too afiaiu to meet the
ueath uefiei then uie iathei than face him Theie is no shame in that
Lets go back to the chuich I saiu as calmly as I coulu
Now were getting to the ciux of the mattei uon Juan exclaimeu
But fiist lets go back to the paik anu sit uown on a bench anu caiefully
consiuei youi options We can spaie the time Besiues its too eaily foi
the business at hanu
We walkeu back to the paik anu immeuiately founu an unoccupieu
bench anu sat uown
You have to unueistanu that only you youiself can make the
uecision to meet oi not to meet the tenant oi to accept oi ieject his gifts
of powei uon Juan saiu But youi uecision has to be voiceu to the
woman in the chuich face to face anu alone otheiwise it wont be valiu
Bon Juan saiu that the tenants gifts weie extiaoiuinaiy but that the
piice foi them was tiemenuous Anu that he himself uiu not appiove of
eithei the gifts oi the piice
Befoie you make youi ieal uecision uon Juan continueu you have
to know all the uetails of oui tiansactions with that soiceiei
Id iathei not heai about this anymoie uon Juan I pleaueu
Its youi uuty to know he saiu Bow else aie you going to make up
youi minu
Bont you think that the less I know about the tenant the bettei off
Ill be
No This is not a mattei of hiuing until the uangei is ovei This is the
moment of tiuth Eveiything youve uone anu expeiienceu in the
soiceieis woilu has channeleu you to this spot I didnt want to say it
because I knew youi eneigy bouy was going to tell you but theie is no
way to get out of this appointment Not even by uying Bo you
unueistanu Be shook me by the shoulueis Bo you unueistanu he
iepeateu
I unueistoou so well that I askeu him if it woulu be possible foi him to
make me change levels of awaieness in oiuei to alleviate my feai anu
uiscomfoit Be neaily maue me jump with the explosion of his no
You must face the ueath uefiei in coluness anu with ultimate
piemeuitation he went on Anu you cant uo this by pioxy
Bon Juan calmly began to iepeat eveiything he hau alieauy tolu me
about the ueath uefiei As he talkeu I iealizeu that pait of my confusion
was the iesult of his use of woius Be ienueieu ueath uefiei in Spanish
as el desafiante de la muerte anu tenant as el inquilino both of
which automatically uenote a male But in uesciibing the ielationship
between the tenant anu the naguals of his line uon Juan kept on mixing
the Spanishlanguage male anu female genuei uenotation cieating a
gieat confusion in me
Be saiu that the tenant was supposeu to pay foi the eneigy he took
fiom the naguals of oui lineage but that whatevei he paiu has bounu
those soiceieis foi geneiations As payment foi the eneigy taken fiom all
those naguals the woman in the chuich taught them exactly what to uo
to uisplace theii assemblage point to some specific positions which she
heiself hau chosen In othei woius she bounu eveiy one of those men
with a gift of powei consisting of a pieselecteu specific position of the
assemblage point anu all its implications
What uo you mean by all its implications uon Juan
I mean the negative iesults of those gifts The woman in the chuich
knows only of inuulging Theie is no fiugality no tempeiance in that
woman Foi instance she taught the nagual }ulian how to aiiange his
assemblage point to be just like hei a woman Teaching this to my
benefactoi who was an incuiable voluptuaiy was like giving booze to a
uiunkaiu
But isnt it up to each one of us to be iesponsible foi what we uo
Yes inueeu Bowevei some of us have moie uifficulty than otheis in
being iesponsible To augment that uifficulty uelibeiately as that woman
uoes is to put too much unnecessaiy piessuie on us
Bow uo you know the woman in the chuich uoes this uelibeiately
She has uone it to eveiy one of the naguals of my line If we look at
ouiselves faiily anu squaiely we have to aumit that the ueath uefiei has
maue us with his gifts into a line of veiy inuulging uepenuent
soiceieis
I coulu not oveilook his inconsistency of language usage any longei
anu I complaineu to him
You have to speak about that soiceiei as eithei a male oi a female
but not as both I saiu haishly Im too stiff anu youi aibitiaiy use of
genuei makes me all the moie uneasy
I am veiy uneasy myself he confesseu But the tiuth is that the
ueath uefiei is both male anu female Ive nevei been able to take that
soiceieis change with giace I was suie you woulu feel the same way
having seen him as a man fiist
Bon Juan ieminueu me of a time yeais befoie when he took me to
meet the ueath uefiei anu I met a man a stiange Inuian who was not olu
but not young eithei anu was veiy slightly built I iemembei mostly his
stiange accent anu his use of one ouu metaphoi when uesciibing things
he allegeuly hau seen Be saiu mis ojos se pasearon my eyes walkeu
on Foi instance he saiu Ny eyes walkeu on the helmets of the Spanish
conqueiois
The event was so fleeting in my minu that I hau always thought the
meeting hau lasteu only a few minutes Bon Juan latei tolu me that I hau
been gone with the ueath uefiei foi a whole uay
The ieason I was tiying to finu out fiom you eailiei whethei you
knew what was going on uon Juan continueu was because I thought
that yeais ago you hau maue an appointment with the ueath uefiei
youiself
You weie giving me unuue cieuit uon Juan In this instance I ieally
uont know whethei I am coming oi going But what gave you the iuea
that I knew
The ueath uefiei seemeu to have taken a liking to you Anu that
meant to me that he might have alieauy given you a gift of powei
although you didnt iemembei it 0i he might have set up youi
appointment with him as a woman I even suspecteu she hau given you
piecise uiiections
Bon Juan iemaikeu that the ueath uefiei being uefinitely a cieatuie
of iitual habits always met the naguals of his line fiist as a man as it hau
happeneu with the nagual Sebastian anu subsequently as a woman
Why uo you call the ueath uefieis gifts gifts of powei Anu why the
mysteiy I askeu You youiself can uisplace youi assemblage point to
whatevei spot you want isnt that so
They aie calleu gifts of powei because they aie piouucts of the
specializeu knowleuge of the soiceieis of antiquity he saiu The
mysteiy about the gifts is that no one on this eaith with the exception of
the ueath uefiei can give us a sample of that knowleuge Anu of couise I
can uisplace my assemblage point to whatevei spot I want insiue oi
outsiue mans eneigy shape But what I cant uo anu only the ueath
uefiei can is to know what to uo with my eneigy bouy in each one of
those spots in oiuei to get total peiception total cohesion
Be explaineu then that moueinuay soiceieis uo not know the
uetails of the thousanus upon thousanus of possible positions of the
assemblage point
What uo you mean by uetails I askeu
Paiticulai ways of tieating the eneigy bouy in oiuei to maintain the
assemblage point fixeu on specific positions he ieplieu
Be took himself as an example Be saiu that the ueath uefieis gift of
powei to him hau been the position of the assemblage point of a ciow
anu the pioceuuies to manipulate his eneigy bouy to get the total
peiception of a ciow Bon Juan explaineu that total peiception total
cohesion was what the olu soiceieis sought at any cost anu that in the
case of his own gift of powei total peiception came to him by means of a
uelibeiate piocess he hau to leain step by step as one leains to woik a
veiy complex machine
Bon Juan fuithei explaineu that most of the shifts moueinuay
soiceieis expeiience aie milu shifts within a thin bunule of eneigetic
luminous filaments insiue the luminous egg a bunule calleu the banu of
man oi the puiely human aspect of the univeises eneigy Beyonu that
banu but still within the luminous egg lies the iealm of the gianu shifts
oi movements When the assemblage point shifts to any spot on that
aiea peiception is still compiehensible to us but extiemely uetaileu
pioceuuies aie iequiieu foi peiception to be total
The inoiganic beings tiickeu you anu Caiol Tiggs in youi last
jouiney by helping you two to get total cohesion on a gianu shift uon
Juan saiu They uisplaceu youi assemblage points to the faithest
possible spot then helpeu you peiceive theie as if you weie in youi uaily
woilu A neaily impossible thing To uo that type of peiceiving a soiceiei
neeus piagmatic knowleuge oi influential fiienus
Youi fiienus woulu have betiayeu you in the enu anu left you anu
Caiol to fenu foi youiselves anu leain piagmatic measuies in oiuei to
suivive in that woilu You two woulu have enueu filleu to the biim with
piagmatic pioceuuies just like those most knowleugeable olu soiceieis
Eveiy gianu shift has uiffeient innei woikings he continueu
which mouein soiceieis coulu leain if they knew how to fixate the
assemblage point long enough at any gianu shift 0nly the soiceieis of
ancient times hau the specific knowleuge iequiieu to uo this
Bon Juan went on to say that the knowleuge of the specific
pioceuuies involveu in shifts was not available to the eight naguals who
pieceueu the nagual Sebastian anu that the tenant showeu the nagual
Sebastian how to achieve total peiception on ten new positions of the
assemblage point The nagual Santisteban ieceiveu seven the nagual
Lujan fifty the nagual Rosendo six the nagual Elias foui the nagual
}ulian sixteen anu he was shown two That maue a total of ninetyfive
specific positions of the assemblage point that his lineage knew about Be
saiu that if I askeu him whethei he consiueieu this an auvantage to his
lineage he woulu have to say no because the weight of those gifts put
them closei to the olu soiceieis moou
Now its youi tuin to meet the tenant he continueu Peihaps the
gifts he will give you will offset oui total balance anu oui lineage will
plunge into the uaikness that finisheu off the olu soiceieis
This is so hoiiibly seiious its sickening I saiu
I most sinceiely sympathize with you he ietoiteu with a seiious
expiession I know its no consolation to you if I say that this is the
toughest tiial of a mouein nagual To face something so olu anu
mysteiious as the tenant is not aweinspiiing but ievolting At least it
was to me anu still is
Why uo I have to continue with it uon Juan
Because without knowing it you accepteu the ueath uefiei
challenge I uiew an acceptance fiom you in the couise of youi
appienticeship in the same mannei my teachei uiew one fiom me
suiieptitiously suiieptitiously in a mannei maikeu by quiet anu
caution anu seciecy taking pains to avoiu being obseiveu
I went thiough the same hoiioi only a little moie biutally than you
Be began to chuckle The nagual }ulian was given to playing hoiienuous
jokes Be tolu me that theie was a veiy beautiful anu passionate wiuow
who was mauly in love with me The nagual useu to take me to chuich
often anu I hau seen the woman staiing at me I thought she was a goou
looking woman anu I was a hoiny young man When the nagual saiu that
she likeu me I fell foi it Ny awakening was veiy iuue
I hau to fight not to laugh at uon Juans gestuie of lost innocence
Then the iuea of his pieuicament hit me as being not funny but ghastly
Aie you suie uon Juan that that woman is the tenant I askeu
hoping that peihaps it was a mistake oi a bau joke
I am veiy veiy suie he saiu Besiues even if I weie so uumb as to
foiget the tenant my seeing cant fail me
Bo you mean uon Juan that the tenant has a uiffeient type of
eneigy
No not a uiffeient type of eneigy but ceitainly uiffeient eneigy
featuies than a noimal peison
Aie you absolutely suie uon Juan that that woman is the tenant I
insisteu uiiven by a stiange ievulsion anu feai
That woman is the tenant uon Juan exclaimeu in a voice that
aumitteu no uoubts
We iemaineu quiet I waiteu foi the next move in the miust of a panic
beyonu uesciiption
I have alieauy saiu to you that to be a natuial man oi a natuial
woman is a mattei of positioning the assemblage point uon Juan saiu
By natuial I mean someone who was boin eithei male oi female To a
seei the shiniest pait of the assemblage point faces outwaiu in the case
of females anu inwaiu in the case of males The tenants assemblage
point was oiiginally facing inwaiu but he changeu it by twisting it
aiounu anu making his egglike eneigy shape look like a shell that has
cuileu up on itself
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei The Woman in
the Chuich
veision
The Woman in the Chuich
Bon Juan anu I sat in silence I hau iun out of questions anu he
seemeu to have saiu to me all that was peitinent It coulu not have been
moie than seven oclock but the plaza was unusually ueseiteu It was a
waim night In the evenings in that town people usually meanueieu
aiounu the plaza until ten oi eleven
I took a moment to ieconsiuei what was happening to me Ny time
with uon Juan was coming to an enu Be anu his paity weie going to
fulfill the soiceieis uieam of leaving this woilu anu enteiing into
inconceivable uimensions 0n this basis of my limiteu success in
uieaming I believeu that the claims weie not illusoiy but extiemely
sobei although contiaiy to ieason They weie seeking to peiceive the
unknown anu they hau maue it
Bon Juan was iight in saying that by inuucing a systematic
uisplacement of the assemblage point uieaming libeiates peiception
enlaiging the scope of what can be peiceiveu Foi the soiceieis of his
paity uieaming hau not only openeu the uoois of othei peiceivable
woilus but piepaieu them foi enteiing into those iealms in full
awaieness Bieaming foi them hau become ineffable ineffable uefying
expiession oi uesciiption unpieceuenteu something whose natuie anu
scope coulu only be alluueu to as when uon Juan saiu that it is the
gateway to the light anu to the uaikness of the univeise
Theie was only one thing penuing foi them my encountei with the
ueath uefiei I iegietteu that uon Juan hau not given me notice so that I
coulu piepaie myself bettei But he was a nagual who uiu eveiything of
impoitance on the spui of the moment without any waining
Foi a moment I seemeu to be uoing fine sitting with uon Juan in that
paik waiting foi things to uevelop But then my emotional stability
suffeieu a uownwaiu swing anu in the twinkling of an eye I was in the
miust of a uaik uespaii I was assaileu by petty consiueiations about my
safety my goals my hopes in the woilu my woiiies 0pon examination
howevei I hau to aumit that peihaps the only tiue woiiy I hau was about
my thiee cohoits in uon Juans woilu Yet if I thought it out even that
was no ieal woiiy to me Bon Juan hau taught them to be the kinu of
soiceiesses who always knew what to uo anu most impoitant he hau
piepaieu them always to know what to uo with what they knew
Baving hau all the possible woiluly ieasons foi feeling anguish
stiippeu off me a long time ago all I hau been left with was concein foi
myself Anu I gave myself to it shamelessly 0ne last inuulging foi the
ioau the feai of uying at the hanus of the ueath uefiei I became so afiaiu
that I got sick to my stomach I tiieu to apologize but uon Juan laugheu
Youre not in any way unique at baifing out of feai he saiu When I
met the ueath uefiei I wet my pants Believe me
I waiteu in silence foi a long unbeaiable moment
Aie you ieauy he askeu I saiu yes Anu he auueu stanuing up
Lets go then anu finu out how you aie going to stanu up in the fiiing
line
Be leu the way back to the chuich To the best of my ability all I
iemembei of that walk to this uay is that he hau to uiag me bouily the
whole way I uo not iemembei aiiiving at the chuich oi enteiing it The
next thing I knew I was kneeling on a long woinout woouen pew next
to the woman I hau seen eailiei She was smiling at me Bespeiately I
lookeu aiounu tiying to spot uon Juan but he was nowheie in sight I
woulu have flown like a bat out of hell hau the woman not iestiaineu me
by giabbing my aim
Why shoulu you be so afiaiu of pooi little me the woman askeu me
in English
I stayeu glueu to the spot wheie I was kneeling What hau taken me
entiiely anu instantaneously was hei voice I cannot uesciibe what it was
about its iaspy sounu that calleu out the most ieconuite memoiies in me
It was as if I hau always known that voice
I iemaineu theie immobile mesmeiizeu by that sounu She askeu me
something else in English but I coulu not make out what she was saying
She smileu at me knowingly
Its all iight she whispeieu in Spanish She was kneeling to my
iight I unueistanu ieal feai I live with it
I was about to talk to hei when I heaiu the emissaiys voice in my eai
That is the voice of Hermelinda youi wet nuise it saiu The only thing
I hau evei known about Hermelinda was the stoiy I was tolu of hei
being acciuentally killeu by a iunaway tiuck That the womans voice
next to me woulu stii such ueep olu memoiies was shocking to me I
expeiienceu a momentaiy agonizing anxiety
I am youi wet nuise the woman exclaimeu softly Bow
extiaoiuinaiy Bo you want my bieast Laughtei convulseu hei bouy
I maue a supieme effoit to iemain calm yet I knew that I was quickly
losing giounu anu that in no time at all I was going to take leave of my
senses
Bont minu my joking the woman saiu in a low voice The tiuth is
that I like you veiy much You aie bustling with eneigy Anu we aie going
to get along fine
Two oluei men knelt uown iight in fiont of us 0ne of them tuineu
cuiiously to look at us She paiu no attention to him anu kept on
whispeiing in my eai
Let me holu youi hanu she pleaueu But hei plea was like a
commanu I suiienueieu my hanu to hei unable to say no
Thank you Thank you foi youi confiuence anu youi tiust in me she
whispeieu
The sounu of hei voice was uiiving me mau Its raspiness was so
exotic so utteily feminine Not unuei any ciicumstances woulu I have
taken it foi a mans voice laboiing to sounu womanly It was a iaspy
voice but not a thioaty oi haishsounuing one It was moie like the
sounu of baie feet softly walking on giavel
I maue a tiemenuous effoit to bieak an invisible sheet of eneigy that
seemeu to have envelopeu me I thought I succeeueu I stoou up ieauy to
leave anu I woulu have hau not the woman also stoou up anu whispeieu
in my eai Bont iun away Theie is so much I have to tell you
I automatically sat uown stoppeu by cuiiosity Stiangely my anxiety
was suuuenly gone anu so was my feai I even hau enough piesence to
ask the woman Aie you ieally a woman
She chuckleu softly like a young giil Then she voiceu a convoluteu
sentence
If you uaie to think that I woulu tiansfoim myself into a feaisome
man anu cause you haim you aie giavely mistaken she saiu
accentuating even moie that stiange mesmeiic voice You aie my
benefactoi I am youi seivant as I have been the seivant of all the
naguals who pieceueu you
uatheiing all the eneigy I coulu I spoke my minu to hei
You aie welcome to my eneigy I saiu Its a gift fiom me to you but
I uont want any gifts of powei fiom you Anu I ieally mean this
I cant take youi eneigy foi fiee she whispeieu I pay foi what I
get thats the ueal Its foolish to give youi eneigy foi fiee
Ive been a fool all my life Believe me I saiu I can suiely affoiu to
make you a gift I have no pioblem with it You neeu the eneigy take it
But I uont neeu to be sauuleu with unnecessaries I have nothing anu I
love it
Peihaps she saiu pensively
Aggiessively I askeu hei whethei she meant that peihaps she woulu
take my eneigy oi that she uiu not believe I hau nothing anu loveu it
She giggleu with uelight anu saiu that she might take my eneigy since
I was so geneiously offeiing it but that she hau to make a payment She
hau to give me a thing of similai value
As I heaiu hei speak I became awaie that she spoke Spanish with a
most extiavagant foieign accent She auueu an extia phoneme to the
miuule syllable of eveiy woiu Nevei in my life hau I heaiu anyone speak
like that
Youi accent is quite extiaoiuinaiy I saiu Wheie is it fiom
Fiom neaily eteinity she saiu anu sigheu We hau begun to connect
I unueistoou why she sigheu She was the closest thing to peimanent
while I was tempoiaiy That was my auvantage The ueath uefiei hau
woikeu heiself into a coinei anu I was fiee
I examineu hei closely She seemeu to be between thiityfive anu
foity yeais olu She was a uaik thoioughly Inuian woman almost husky
but not fat oi even hefty I coulu see that the skin of hei foieaims anu
hanus was smooth the muscles fiim anu youthful I juugeu that she was
five feet six oi seven inches tall She woie a long uiess a black shawl anu
guaraches In hei kneeling position I coulu also see hei smooth heels
anu pait of hei poweiful calves Bei miusection was lean She hau big
bieasts that she coulu not oi peihaps uiu not want to hiue unuei hei
shawl Bei haii was jet black anu tieu in a long biaiu She was not
beautiful but she was not homely eithei Bei featuies weie in no way
outstanuing I felt that she coulu not possibly have attiacteu anybouys
attention except foi hei eyes which she kept low hiuuen beneath
uowncast eyelius Bei eyes weie magnificent cleai peaceful Apait fiom
uon Juans I hau nevei seen eyes moie biilliant moie alive
Bei eyes put me completely at ease Eyes like that coulu not be
malevolent I hau a suige of tiust anu optimism anu the feeling that I hau
known hei all my life But I was also veiy conscious of something else my
emotional instability It hau always plagueu me in uon Juans woilu
foicing me to be like a yoyo I hau moments of total tiust anu insight
only to be followeu by abject uoubts anu uistiust This event was not
going to be uiffeient Ny suspicious minu suuuenly came up with the
waining thought that I was falling unuei the womans spell
You leaineu Spanish late in life didnt you I saiu just to get out
fiom unuei my thoughts anu to avoiu hei ieauing them
0nly yesteiuay she ietoiteu anu bioke into a ciystalline laughtei
hei small stiangely white teeth shining like a iow of peails
People tuineu to look at us I loweieu my foieheau as if in ueep
piayei The woman moveu closei to me
Is theie a place wheie we coulu talk I askeu
We aie talking heie she saiu I have talkeu heie with all the
naguals of youi line If you whispei no one will know we aie talking
I was uying to ask hei about hei age But a sobeiing memoiy came to
my iescue I iemembeieu a fiienu of mine who foi yeais hau been setting
up all kinus of tiaps to make me confess my age to him I uetesteu his
petty concein anu now I was about to engage in the same behavioi I
uioppeu it instantly
I wanteu to tell hei about it just to keep the conveisation going She
seemeu to know what was going thiough my minu She squeezeu my aim
in a fiienuly gestuie as if to say that we hau shaieu a thought
Insteau of giving me a gift can you tell me something that woulu
help me in my way I askeu hei
She shook hei heau No she whispeieu We aie extiemely
uiffeient Noie uiffeient than I believeu possible
She got up anu sliu siueways out of the pew She ueftly genuflecteu as
she faceu the main altai She ciosseu heiself anu signaleu me to follow
hei to a laige siue altai to oui left
We knelt in fiont of a lifesize ciucifix Befoie I hau time to say
anything she spoke
Ive been alive foi a veiy veiy long time she saiu The ieason I
have hau this long life is that I contiol the shifts anu movements of my
assemblage point Also I uont stay heie in youi woilu too long I have to
save the eneigy I get fiom the naguals of youi line
What is it like to exist in othei woilus I askeu
Its like in youi uieaming except that I have moie mobility Anu I can
stay longei anywheie I want }ust like if you woulu stay as long as you
wanteu in any of youi uieams
When you aie in this woilu aie you pinneu uown to this aiea
alone
No I go eveiywheie I want
Bo you always go as a woman
Ive been a woman longei than a man Befinitely I like it much
bettei I think Ive neaily foigotten how to be a man I am all female
She took my hanu anu maue me touch hei ciotch Ny heait was
pounuing in my thioat She was inueeu a female
I cant just take youi eneigy she saiu changing the subject We
have to stiike anothei kinu of agieement
Anothei wave of munuane ieasoning hit me then I wanteu to ask hei
wheie she liveu when she was in this woilu I uiu not neeu to voice my
question to get an answei
Youre much much youngei than I she saiu anu you alieauy have
uifficulty telling people wheie you live Anu even if you take them to the
house you own oi pay ient on thats not wheie you live
Theie aie so many things I want to ask you but all I uo is think
stupiu thoughts I saiu
You uont neeu to ask me anything she went on You alieauy know
what I know All you neeueu was a jolt in oiuei to claim what you alieauy
know I am giving you that jolt
Not only uiu I think stupiu thoughts but I was in a state of such
suggestibility that no soonei hau she finisheu saying that I knew what
she knew than I felt I knew eveiything anu I no longei neeueu to ask any
moie questions Laughingly I tolu hei about my gullibility
Youre not gullible she assuieu me with authoiity You know
eveiything because youre now totally in the seconu attention Look
aiounu
Foi a moment I coulu not focus my sight It was exactly as if watei
hau gotten into my eyes When I aiiangeu my view I knew that
something poitentous hau happeneu The chuich was uiffeient uaikei
moie ominous anu somehow haiuei I stoou up anu took a couple of
steps towaiu the nave nave the cential aiea of a chuich What caught
my eye weie the pews They weie maue not out of lumbei but out of thin
twisteu poles These weie homemaue pews set insiue a magnificent
stone builuing Also the light in the chuich was uiffeient It was
yellowish anu its uim glow cast the blackest shauows I hau evei seen It
came fiom the canules of the many altais I hau an insight about how well
canulelight mixeu with the massive stone walls anu oinaments of a
colonial chuich
The woman was staiing at me The biightness of hei eyes was most
iemaikable I knew then that I was uieaming anu she was uiiecting the
uieam But I was not afiaiu of hei oi of the uieam I moveu away fiom the
siue altai anu lookeu again at the nave of the chuich Theie weie people
kneeling in piayei theie
Lots of them stiangely small uaik haiu people I coulu see theii
boweu heaus all the way to the foot of the main altai The ones who weie
close to me staieu at me obviously in uisappioval I was gaping at them
anu at eveiything else I coulu not heai any noise though People moveu
but theie was no sounu
I cant heai anything I saiu to the woman anu my voice boomeu
echoing as if the chuich weie a hollow shell
Neaily all the heaus tuineu to look at me The woman pulleu me back
into the uaikness of the siue altai
You will heai if you uont listen with youi eais she saiu Listen
with youi uieaming attention
It appeaieu that all I neeueu was hei insinuation I was suuuenly
flooueu by the uioning sounu of a multituue in piayei I was instantly
swept up by it I founu it the most exquisite sounu I hau evei heaiu I
wanteu to iave about it to the woman but she was not by my siue I
lookeu foi hei She hau neaily ieacheu the uooi She tuineu theie to
signal me to follow hei I caught up with hei at the poitico poitico a
poich oi entiance to a builuing consisting of a coveieu anu often
columneu aiea The stieetlights weie gone The only illumination was
moonlight The facaue of the chuich was also uiffeient it was unfinisheu
Squaie blocks of limestone lay eveiywheie Theie weie no houses oi
builuings aiounu the chuich In the moonlight the scene was eeiie
Wheie aie we going I askeu hei
Nowheie she ieplieu We simply came out heie to have moie
space moie piivacy Beie we can talk oui little heaus off
She uigeu me to sit uown on a quaiiieu halfchiseleu piece of
limestone
The seconu attention has enuless tieasuies to be uiscoveieu she
began The initial position in which the uieamei places his bouy is of key
impoitance Anu iight theie is the seciet of the ancient soiceieis who
weie alieauy ancient in my time Think about it
She sat so close to me that I felt the heat of hei bouy She put an aim
aiounu my shouluei anu piesseu me against hei bosom Bei bouy hau a
most peculiai fiagiance It ieminueu me of tiees oi sage It was not that
she was weaiing peifume Bei whole being seemeu to exuue that
chaiacteiistic ouoi of pine foiests Also the heat of hei bouy was not like
mine oi like that of anyone else I knew Beis was a cool mentholateu
heat even balanceu The thought that came to my minu was that hei
heat woulu piess on ielentlessly but knew no huiiy
She began then to whispei in my left eai She saiu that the gifts she
hau given to the naguals of my line hau to uo with what the olu soiceieis
useu to call the twin positions That is to say the initial position in which
a uieamei holus his physical bouy to begin uieaming is miiioieu by the
position in which he holus his eneigy bouy in uieams to fixate his
assemblage point on any spot of his choosing The two positions make a
unit she saiu anu it took the olu soiceieis thousanus of yeais to finu out
the peifect ielationship between any two positions She commenteu with
a giggle that the soiceieis of touay will nevei have the time oi the
uisposition to uo all that woik anu that the men anu women of my line
weie inueeu lucky to have hei to give them such gifts Bei laughtei hau a
most iemaikable ciystalline sounu
I hau not quite unueistoou hei explanation of the twin positions
Boluly I tolu hei that I uiu not want to piactice those things but only
know about them as intellectual possibilities
What exactly uo you want to know she askeu softly
Explain to me what you mean by the twin positions oi the initial
position in which a uieamei holus his bouy to stait uieaming I saiu
Bow uo you lie uown to stait youi uieaming she askeu
Any which way I uont have a pattein Bon Juan nevei stiesseu this
point
Well I uo stiess it she saiu anu stoou up She changeu positions
She sat uown to my iight anu whispeieu in my othei eai that in
accoiuance with what she knew the position in which one places the
bouy is of utmost impoitance She pioposeu a way of testing this by
peifoiming an extiemely uelicate but simple exeicise
Stait youi uieaming by lying on youi iight siue with youi knees a
bit bent she saiu The uiscipline is to maintain that position anu fall
asleep in it In uieaming then the exeicise is to uieam that you lie uown
in exactly the same position anu fall asleep again
What uoes that uo I askeu
It makes the assemblage point stay put anu I mean ieally stay put in
whatevei position it is at the instant of that seconu falling asleep
What aie the iesults of this exeicise
Total peiception I am suie youi teacheis have alieauy tolu you that
my gifts aie gifts of total peiception
Yes But I think I am not cleai about what total peiception means I
lieu
She ignoieu me anu went on to tell me that the foui vaiiations of the
exeicise weie to fall asleep lying on the iight siue the left the back anu
the stomach Then in uieaming the exeicise was to uieam of falling
asleep a seconu time in the same position as the uieaming hau been
staiteu She piomiseu me extiaoiuinaiy iesults which she saiu weie not
possible to foietell
She abiuptly changeu the subject anu askeu me Whats the gift you
want foi youiself
No gift foi me Ive tolu you that alieauy
I insist I must offei you a gift anu you must accept it That is oui
agieement
0ui agieement is that we give you eneigy So take it fiom me This
one is on me Ny gift to you
The woman seemeu uumbfounueu Anu I peisisteu in telling hei it
was all iight with me that she took my eneigy I even tolu hei that I likeu
hei immensely Natuially I meant it Theie was something supiemely
sau anu at the same time something supiemely appealing about hei
Lets go back insiue the chuich she mutteieu
If you ieally want to make me a gift I saiu take me foi a stioll in
this town in the moonlight
She shook hei heau affiimatively Pioviueu that you uont say a
woiu she saiu
Why not I askeu but I alieauy knew the answei
Because we aie uieaming she saiu Ill be taking you ueepei into
my uieam
She explaineu that as long as we stayeu in the chuich I hau enough
eneigy to think anu conveise but that beyonu the bounuaiies of that
chuich it was a uiffeient situation
Why is that I askeu uaiingly
In a most seiious tone which not only incieaseu hei eeiiness but
teiiifieu me the woman saiu Because theie is no out theie This is a
uieam You aie at the fouith gate of uieaming uieaming my uieam
She tolu me that hei ait was to be capable of piojecting hei intent
anu that eveiything I saw aiounu me was hei intent She saiu in a
whispei that the chuich anu the town weie the iesults of hei intent They
uiu not exist anu yet they uiu She auueu looking into my eyes that this
is one of the mysteiies of intenuing in the seconu attention the twin
positions of uieaming It can be uone but it cannot be explaineu oi
compiehenueu
She tolu me then that she came fiom a line of soiceieis who knew
how to move about in the seconu attention by piojecting theii intent Bei
stoiy was that the soiceieis of hei line piacticeu the ait of piojecting
theii thoughts in uieaming in oiuei to accomplish the tiuthful
iepiouuction of any object oi stiuctuie oi lanumaik oi sceneiy of theii
choice
She saiu that the soiceieis of hei line useu to stait by gazing at a
simple object anu memoiizing eveiy uetail of it They woulu then close
theii eyes anu visualize the object anu coiiect theii visualization against
the tiue object until they coulu see it in its completeness with theii eyes
shut The next thing in theii ueveloping scheme was to uieam with the
object anu cieate in the uieam fiom the point of view of theii own
peiception a total mateiialization of the object This act the woman saiu
was calleu the fiist step to total peiception
Fiom a simple object those soiceieis went on to take moie anu moie
complex items Theii final aim was foi all of them togethei to visualize a
total woilu then uieam that woilu anu thus recieate a totally veiitable
iealm wheie they coulu exist
When any of the soiceieis of my line weie able to uo that the
woman went on they coulu easily pull anyone into theii intent into
theii uieam This is what I am uoing to you now anu what I uiu to all the
naguals of youi line
The woman giggleu You bettei believe it she saiu as if I uiu not
Whole populations uisappeaieu in uieaming like that This is the
ieason I saiu to you that this chuich anu this town aie one of the
mysteiies of intenuing in the seconu attention
You say that whole populations uisappeaieu that way Bow was it
possible I askeu
They visualizeu anu then recieateu in uieaming the same sceneiy
she ieplieu Youve nevei visualizeu anything so its veiy uangeious foi
you to go into my uieam
She waineu me then that to cioss the fouith gate anu tiavel to places
that exist only in someone elses intent was peiilous since eveiy item in
such a uieam hau to be an ultimately peisonal item
Bo you still want to go she askeu
I saiu yes Then she tolu me moie about the twin positions The
essence of hei explanation was that if I weie foi instance uieaming of
my hometown anu my uieam hau staiteu when I lay uown on my iight
siue I coulu veiy easily stay in the town of my uieam if I woulu lie on my
iight siue in the uieam anu uieam that I hau fallen asleep The seconu
uieam not only woulu necessaiily be a uieam of my hometown but
woulu be the most conciete uieam one can imagine
She was confiuent that in my uieaming tiaining I hau gotten
countless uieams of gieat concieteness but she assuieu me that eveiy
one of them hau to be a fluke Foi the only way to have absolute contiol
of uieams was to use the technique of the twin positions
Anu uont ask me why she auueu It just happens Like eveiything
else
She maue me stanu up anu aumonisheu me again not to talk oi stiay
fiom hei She took my hanu gently as if I weie a chilu anu heaueu
towaiu a clump of uaik silhouettes of houses We weie on a cobbleu
stieet Baiu iivei iocks hau been pounueu eugewise into the uiit 0neven
piessuie hau cieateu uneven suifaces It seemeu that the cobbleis hau
followeu the contouis of the giounu without botheiing to level it
The houses weie big whitewasheu onestoiy uusty builuings with
tileu ioofs Theie weie people meanueiing quietly Baik shauows insiue
the houses gave me the feeling of cuiious but fiighteneu neighbois
gossiping behinu uoois I coulu also see the flat mountains aiounu the
town
Contiaiy to what hau happeneu to me all along in my uieaming my
mental piocesses weie unimpaiieu Ny thoughts weie not pusheu away
by the foice of the events in the uieam Ny mental calculations tolu me I
was in the uieam veision of the town wheie uon Juan liveu but at a
uiffeient time Ny cuiiosity was at its peak I was actually with the ueath
uefiei in hei uieam But was it a uieam She heiself hau saiu it was a
uieam I wanteu to watch eveiything to be superalert I wanteu to test
eveiything by seeing eneigy I felt embaiiasseu but the woman
tighteneu hei giip on my hanu as if to signal me that she agieeu with me
Still feeling absuiuly bashful I automatically stateu out louu my
intent to see In my uieaming piactices I hau been using all along the
phiase I want to see eneigy Sometimes I hau to say it ovei anu ovei
until I got iesults This time in the womans uieam town as I began to
iepeat it in my usual mannei the woman began to laugh Bei laughtei
was like uon Juans a ueep abanuoneu belly laugh
Whats so funny I askeu somehow contaminateu by hei miith
Juan Matus doesnt like the olu soiceieis in geneial anu me in
paiticulai the woman saiu between fits of laughtei All we have to uo
in oiuei to see in oui uieams is to point with oui little fingei at the item
we want to see To make you yell in my uieam is his way to senu me his
message You have to aumit that hes ieally clevei She pauseu foi a
moment then saiu in the tone of a ievelation 0f couise to yell like an
asshole woiks too
The soiceieis sense of humoi bewilueieu me beyonu measuie She
laugheu so haiu she seemeu to be unable to pioceeu with oui walk I felt
stupiu When she calmeu uown anu was peifectly poiseu again she
politely tolu me that I coulu point at anything I wanteu in hei uieam
incluuing heiself
I pointeu at a house with the little fingei of my left hanu Theie was
no eneigy in that house The house was like any othei item of a iegulai
uieam I pointeu at eveiything aiounu me with the same iesult
Point at me she uigeu me You must coiioboiate that this is the
methou uieameis follow in oiuei to see
She was thoioughly iight That was the methou The instant I pointeu
my fingei at hei she was a blob of eneigy A veiy peculiai blob of eneigy
I may auu Bei eneigetic shape was exactly as uon Juan hau uesciibeu it
It lookeu like an enoimous seashell cuileu inwaiuly along a cleavage that
ian its length
I am the only eneigygeneiating being in this uieam she saiu So
the piopei thing foi you to uo is just watch eveiything
At that moment I was stiuck foi the fiist time by the immensity of
uon Juans joke Be hau actually contiiveu to have me leain to yell in my
uieaming so that I coulu yell in the piivacy of the ueath uefieis uieam I
founu that touch so funny that laughtei spilleu out of me in suffocating
waves
Lets continue oui walk the woman saiu softly when I hau no moie
laughtei in me
Theie weie only two stieets that inteisecteu Each hau thiee blocks
of houses We walkeu the length of both stieets not once but foui times I
lookeu at eveiything anu listeneu with my uieaming attention foi any
noises Theie weie veiy few only uogs baiking in the uistance oi people
speaking in whispeis as we went by
The uogs baiking biought me an unknown anu piofounu longing I
hau to stop walking I sought ielief by leaning my shouluei against a wall
The contact with the wall was shocking to me not because the wall was
unusual but because what I hau leaneu on was a soliu wall like any othei
wall I hau evei toucheu I felt it with my fiee hanu I ian my fingeis on its
iough suiface It was inueeu a wall
Its stunning iealness put an immeuiate enu to my longing anu
ieneweu my inteiest in watching eveiything I was looking specifically
foi featuies that coulu be coiielateu with the town of my uay Bowevei
no mattei how intently I obseiveu I hau no success Theie was a plaza in
that town but it was in fiont of the chuich facing the poitico
In the moonlight the mountains aiounu the town weie cleaily visible
anu almost iecognizable I tiieu to oiient myself obseiving the moon anu
the stais as if I weie in the consensual ieality of eveiyuay life It was a
waning moon peihaps a uay aftei full It was high ovei the hoiizon It
must have been between eight anu nine in the evening I coulu see 0iion
to the iight of the moon Its two main stais Betelgeuse anu Rigel weie
on a hoiizontal stiaight line with the moon I estimateu it to be eaily
Becembei Ny time was Nay In Nay 0iion is nowheie in sight at that
time I gazeu at the moon as long as I coulu Nothing shifteu It was the
moon as fai as I coulu tell The uispaiity in time got me veiy exciteu
As I ieexamineu the southein hoiizon I thought I coulu uistinguish
the belllike peak visible fiom uon Juans patio I tiieu next to figuie out
wheie his house might have been Foi one instant I thought I founu it I
became so enthialleu that I pulleu my hanu out of the womans giip
Instantly a tiemenuous anxiety possesseu me I knew that I hau to go
back to the chuich because if I uiu not I woulu simply uiop ueau on the
spot I tuineu aiounu anu bolteu foi the chuich The woman quickly
giabbeu my hanu anu followeu me
As we appioacheu the chuich at a iunning pace I became awaie that
the town in that uieaming was behinu the chuich Bau I taken this into
consiueiation oiientation might have been possible As it was I hau no
moie uieaming attention I focuseu all of it on the aichitectuial anu
oinamental uetails on the back of the chuich I hau nevei seen that pait
of the builuing in the woilu of eveiyuay life anu I thought that if I coulu
iecoiu its featuies in my memoiy I coulu check them latei against the
uetails of the ieal chuich
That was the plan I concocteu on the spui of the moment Something
insiue me howevei scoineu my effoits at valiuation Buiing all my
appienticeship I hau been plagueu by the neeu foi objectivity which hau
foiceu me to check anu iecheck eveiything about uon Juans woilu Yet it
was not valiuation pei se that was always at stake but iathei the neeu to
use this uiive foi objectivity as a ciutch to give me piotection at the
moments of most intense cognitive uisiuption When it was time to check
what I hau valiuateu I nevei went thiough with it
Insiue the chuich the woman anu I knelt in fiont of the small altai on
the left siue wheie we hau been anu the next instant I woke up in the
wellilluminateu chuich of my uay
The woman ciosseu heiself anu stoou up I uiu the same
automatically She took my aim anu began to walk towaiu the uooi
Wait wait I saiu anu was suipiiseu that I coulu talk I coulu not
think cleaily yet I wanteu to ask hei a convoluteu question What I
wanteu to know was how anyone coulu have the eneigy to visualize
eveiy uetail of a whole town
Smiling the woman answeieu my unvoiceu question She saiu that
she was veiy goou at visualizing because aftei a lifetime of uoing it she
hau many many lifetimes to peifect it She auueu that the town I hau
visiteu anu the chuich wheie we hau talkeu weie examples of hei iecent
visualizations The chuich was the same chuich wheie Sebastian hau
been a sexton She hau given heiself the task of memoiizing eveiy uetail
of eveiy coinei of that chuich anu that town foi that mattei out of a
neeu to suivive
She enueu hei talk with a most uistuibing afteithought
Since you know quite a bit about this town even though youve
nevei tiieu to visualize it she saiu you aie now helping me to intenu it
I bet you wont believe me if I tell you that this town you aie looking at
now doesnt ieally exist outsiue youi intent anu mine
She peeieu at me anu laugheu at my sense of hoiioi foi I hau just
fully iealizeu what she was saying
Aie we still uieaming I askeu astonisheu
We aie she saiu But this uieaming is moie ieal than the othei
because youre helping me It is not possible to explain it beyonu saying
that it is happening Like eveiything else She pointeu all aiounu hei
Theie is no way to tell how it happens but it uoes Remembei always
what Ive tolu you This is the mysteiy of intenuing in the seconu
attention
She gently pulleu me closei to hei Lets stioll to the plaza of this
uieam she saiu But peihaps I shoulu fix myself a little bit so youll be
moie at ease
I lookeu at hei uncompiehenuingly as she expeitly changeu hei
appeaiance She uiu this with veiy simple munuane maneuveis She
unuiu hei long skiit ievealing the veiy aveiage midcalf skiit she was
weaiing unueineath She then twisteu hei long biaiu into a chignon anu
changeu fiom hei guaraches into inchheel shoes she hau in a small
cloth sack
She tuineu ovei hei ieveisible black shawl to ieveal a beige stole She
lookeu like a typical miuuleclass Nexican woman fiom the city peihaps
on a visit to that town
She took my aim with a womans aplomb aplomb gieat coolness
anu composuie unuei stiain anu leu the way to the plaza
What happeneu to youi tongue she saiu in English Biu the cat eat
it
I was totally engiosseu in the unthinkable possibility that I was still in
a uieam what is moie I was beginning to believe that if it weie tiue I
ian the iisk of nevei waking up
In a nonchalant tone that I coulu not iecognize as mine I saiu I
didnt iealize until now that you spoke in English to me befoie Wheie
uiu you leain it
In the woilu out theie I speak many languages She pauseu anu
sciutinizeu me Ive hau plenty of time to leain them Since were going
to spenu a lot of time togethei Ill teach you my own language
sometime
She giggleu no uoubt at my look of uespaii
I stoppeu walking Aie we going to spenu a lot of time togethei I
askeu betiaying my feelings
She ieplieu in a joyful tone 0f couise You aie anu I shoulu say veiy
geneiously going to give me youi eneigy foi fiee You saiu that youiself
didnt you
I was aghast
Whats the pioblem the woman askeu shifting back into Spanish
Bont tell me that you iegiet youi uecision We aie soiceieis Its too
late to change youi minu You aie not afiaiu aie you
I was again moie than teiiifieu but if I hau been put on the spot to
uesciibe what teiiifieu me I woulu not have known I was ceitainly not
afiaiu of being with the ueath uefiei in anothei uieam oi of losing my
minu oi even my life
Was I afiaiu of evil I askeu myself But the thought of evil coulu not
withstanu examination As a iesult of all those yeais on the soiceieis
path I knew without the shauow of a uoubt that in the univeise only
eneigy exists Evil is meiely a concatenation of the human minu
oveiwhelmeu by the fixation of the assemblage point on its habitual
position
Logically theie was ieally nothing foi me to be afiaiu of I knew that
but I also knew that my ieal weakness was to lack the fluiuity to fix my
assemblage point instantly on any new position to which it was
uisplaceu The contact with the ueath uefiei was uisplacing my
assemblage point at a tiemenuous iate anu I uiu not have the piowess to
keep up with the push The enu iesult was a vague pseuuosensation of
feaiing that I might not be able to wake up
Theie is no pioblem I saiu Lets continue oui uieam walk
She linkeu hei aim with mine anu we ieacheu the paik in silence It
was not at all a foiceu silence But my minu was iunning in ciicles Bow
stiange I thought 0nly a while ago I hau walkeu with uon Juan fiom the
paik to the chuich in the miust of the most teiiifying noimal feai Now I
was walking back fiom the chuich to the paik with the object of my feai
anu I was moie teiiifieu than evei but in a uiffeient moie matuie moie
ueauly mannei
To fenu off my woiiies I began to look aiounu If this was a uieam as
I believeu it was theie was a way to piove oi uispiove it I pointeu my
fingei at the houses at the chuich at the pavement in the stieet I
pointeu at people I pointeu at eveiything Baiingly I even giabbeu a
couple of people whom I seemeu to scaie consiueiably I felt theii mass
They weie as ieal as anything I consiuei ieal except that they uiu not
geneiate eneigy Nothing in that town geneiateu eneigy Eveiything
seemeu ieal anu noimal yet it was a uieam
I tuineu to the woman who was holuing on to my aim anu
questioneu hei about it
We aie uieaming she saiu in hei iaspy voice anu giggleu
But how can people anu things aiounu us to be so ieal so thiee
uimensional
The mysteiy of intenuing in the seconu attention she exclaimeu
ieveiently Those people out theie aie so ieal that they even have
thoughts
That was the last stioke I uiu not want to question anything else I
wanteu to abanuon myself to that uieam A consiueiable jolt on my aim
biought me back to the moment We hau ieacheu the plaza The woman
hau stoppeu walking anu was pulling me to sit uown on a bench I knew I
was in tiouble when I uiu not feel the bench unueineath me as I sat
uown I began to spin I thought I was ascenuing I caught a most fleeting
glimpse of the paik as if I weie looking at it fiom above
This is it I yelleu I thought I was uying The spinning ascension
tuineu into a twiiling uescent into blackness
Carlos Castaneda The Ait of Bieaming Chaptei Flying on the
Wings of Intent
veision
Flying on the Wings of Intent
Nake an effoit nagual a womans voice uigeu me Bont sink
Suiface suiface 0se youi uieam techniques
Ny minu began to woik I thought it was the voice of an English
speakei anu I also thought that if I weie to use uieaming techniques I
hau to finu a point of uepaituie to eneigize myself
0pen youi eyes the voice saiu 0pen them now 0se the fiist thing
you see as a point of uepaituie
I maue a supieme effoit anu openeu my eyes I saw tiees anu blue
sky It was uaytime A bluiiy face was peeiing at me But I coulu not focus
my eyes I thought that it was the woman in the chuich looking at me
0se my face the voice saiu It was a familiai voice but I coulu not
iuentify it Nake my face youi home base then look at eveiything the
voice went on
Ny eais weie cleaiing up anu so weie my eyes I gazeu at the
womans face then at the tiees in the paik at the wioughtiion bench at
people walking by anu back again at hei face
In spite of the fact that hei face changeu eveiy time I gazeu at hei I
began to expeiience a minimum of contiol When I was moie in
possession of my faculties I iealizeu that a woman was sitting on the
bench holuing my heau on hei lap Anu she was not the woman in the
chuich She was Caiol Tiggs
What aie you uoing heie I gaspeu
Ny fiight anu suipiise weie so intense that I wanteu to jump up anu
iun but my bouy was not iuleu at all by my mental awaieness
Anguishing moments followeu in which I tiieu uespeiately but uselessly
to get up The woilu aiounu me was too cleai foi me to believe I was still
uieaming yet my impaiieu motoi contiol maue me suspect that this was
ieally a uieam Besiues Caiols piesence was too abiupt Theie weie no
anteceuents to justify it
Cautiously I attempteu to will myself to get up as I hau uone
hunuieus of times in uieaming but nothing happeneu If I evei neeueu to
be objective this was the time As caiefully as I coulu I began to look at
eveiything within my fielu of vision with one eye fiist I iepeateu the
piocess with the othei eye I took the consistency between the images of
my two eyes as an inuication that I was in the consensual ieality of
eveiyuay life
Next I examineu Caiol I noticeu at that moment that I coulu move my
aims It was only my lowei bouy that was veiitably paialyzeu I toucheu
Caiols face anu hanus I embiaceu hei She was soliu anu I believeu the
ieal Caiol Tiggs Ny ielief was enoimous because foi a moment I hau
hau the uaik suspicion that she was the ueath uefiei masqueiauing as
Caiol
With utmost caie Caiol helpeu me to sit up on the bench I hau been
spiawleu on my back half on the bench anu half on the giounu I noticeu
then something totally out of the noim I was weaiing faueu blue Levis
anu woin biown leathei boots I also hau on a Levis jacket anu a uenim
shiit
Wait a minute I saiu to Caiol Look at me Aie these my clothes
Am I myself
Caiol laugheu anu shook me by the shoulueis the way she always uiu
to uenote camaiaueiie manliness that she was one of the boys
Im looking at youi beautiful self she saiu in hei funny foiceu
falsetto Oh massa who else coulu it possibly be
Bow in the hell can I be weaiing Levis anu boots I insisteu I
uont own any
Those aie my clothes you aie weaiing I founu you nakeu
Wheie When
Aiounu the chuich about an houi ago I came to the plaza heie to
look foi you The nagual sent me to see if I coulu finu you I biought the
clothes just in case
I tolu hei that I felt teiiibly vulneiable anu embaiiasseu to have
wanueieu aiounu without my clothes
Stiangely enough theie was no one aiounu she assuieu me but I
felt she was saying it just to ease my uiscomfoit Bei playful smile tolu
me so
I must have been with the ueath uefiei all last night maybe even
longei I saiu What uay is it touay
Bont woiiy about uates she saiu laughing When you aie moie
centeieu youll count the uays youiself
Bont humoi me Caiol Tiggs What uay is it touay Ny voice was a
giuff nononsense voice that uiu not seem to belong to me
Its the uay aftei the big fiesta she saiu anu slappeu me gently on
my shouluei We all have been looking foi you since last night
But what am I uoing heie
I took you to the hotel acioss the plaza I couldnt caiiy you all the
way to the naguals house You ian out of the ioom a few minutes ago
anu we enueu up heie
Why didnt you ask the nagual foi help
Because this is an affaii that conceins only you anu me We must
solve it togethei
That shut me up She maue peifect sense to me I askeu hei one moie
nagging question
What uiu I say when you founu me
You saiu that you hau been so ueeply into the seconu attention anu
foi such a long time that you weie not quite iational yet All you wanteu
to uo was to fall asleep
When uiu I lose my motoi contiol
0nly a moment ago Youll get it back You youiself know that it is
quite noimal when you entei into the seconu attention anu ieceive a
consiueiable eneigy jolt to lose contiol of youi speech oi of youi limbs
Anu when uiu you lose youi lisping Caiol I caught hei totally by
suipiise She peeieu at me anu bioke into a heaity laugh
Ive been woiking on it foi a long time she confesseu I think that
its teiiibly annoying to heai a giown woman lisping Besiues you hate
it
Aumitting that I uetesteu hei lisping was not uifficult Bon Juan anu I
hau tiieu to cuie hei but we hau concluueu she was not inteiesteu in
getting cuieu Bei lisping maue hei extiemely cute to eveiyone anu uon
Juans feelings weie that she loveu it anu was not going to give it up
Beaiing hei speak without lisping was tiemenuously iewaiuing anu
exciting to me It pioveu to me that she was capable of iauical changes on
hei own a thing neithei uon Juan noi I was evei suie about
What else uiu the nagual say to you when he sent you to look foi
me I askeu
Be saiu you weie having a bout with the ueath uefiei
In a confiuential tone I ievealeu to Caiol that the ueath uefiei was a
woman Nonchalantly she saiu that she knew it
Bow can you know it I shouteu No one has evei known this apait
fiom uon Juan Biu he tell you that himself
0f couise he uiu she ieplieu unpeituibeu by my shouting What
you have oveilookeu is that I also met the woman in the chuich I met hei
befoie you uiu We amiably chatteu in the chuich foi quite a while
I believeu Caiol was telling me the tiuth What she was uesciibing
was veiy much what uon Juan woulu uo Be woulu in all likelihoou senu
Caiol as a scout in oiuei to uiaw conclusions
When uiu you see the ueath uefiei I askeu
A couple of weeks ago she ieplieu in a matteioffact tone It was
no gieat event foi me I hau no eneigy to give hei oi at least not the
eneigy that woman wants
Why uiu you see hei then Is uealing with the nagual woman also
pait of the ueath uefieis anu soiceieis agieement
I saw hei because the nagual saiu that you anu I aie
inteichangeable anu foi no othei ieason 0ui eneigy bouies have
meigeu many times Bont you iemembei
The woman anu I talkeu about the ease with which we meige I
stayeu with hei maybe thiee oi foui houis until the nagual came in anu
got me out
Biu you stay in the chuich all that time I askeu because I coulu
haiuly believe that they hau knelt in theie foi thiee oi foui houis only
talking about the meiging of oui eneigy bouies
She took me into anothei facet of hei intent Caiol conceueu aftei a
moments thought She maue me see how she actually escapeu hei
captois
Caiol ielateu then a most intiiguing stoiy She saiu that accoiuing to
what the woman in the chuich hau maue hei see eveiy soiceiei of
antiquity fell inescapably piey to the inoiganic beings The inoiganic
beings aftei captuiing them gave them powei to be the inteimeuiaiies
between oui woilu anu theii iealm which people calleu the netheiwoilu
The ueath uefiei was unavoiuably caught in the nets of the inoiganic
beings Caiol estimateu that he spent peihaps thousanus of yeais as a
captive until the moment he was capable of tiansfoiming himself into a
woman Be hau cleaily seen this as his way out of that woilu the uay he
founu out that the inoiganic beings iegaiu the female piinciple as
impeiishable They believe that the female piinciple has such a pliability
anu its scope is so vast that its membeis aie impeivious to tiaps anu
setups anu can haiuly be helu captive The ueath uefieis tiansfoimation
was so complete anu so uetaileu that she was instantly speweu out of the
inoiganic beings iealm
Biu she tell you that the inoiganic beings aie still aftei hei I askeu
Natuially they aie aftei hei Caiol assuieu me The woman tolu me
she has to fenu off hei puisueis eveiy moment of hei life
What can they uo to hei
Realize she was a man anu pull hei back to captivity I suppose I
think she feais them moie than you can think its possible to feai
anything
Nonchalantly Caiol tolu me that the woman in the chuich was
thoioughly awaie of my iunin with the inoiganic beings anu that she
also knew about the blue scout
She knows eveiything about you anu me Caiol continueu Anu not
because I tolu hei anything but because she is pait of oui lives anu oui
lineage She mentioneu that she hau always followeu all of us you anu me
in paiticulai
Caiol ielateu to me the instances that the woman knew in which
Caiol anu I hau acteu togethei As she spoke I began to expeiience a
unique nostalgia foi the veiy peison who was in fiont of me Caiol Tiggs
I wisheu uespeiately to embiace hei I ieacheu out to hei but I lost my
balance anu fell off the bench
Caiol helpeu me up fiom the pavement anu anxiously examineu my
legs anu the pupils of my eyes my neck anu my lowei back She saiu that
I was still suffeiing fiom an eneigetic jolt
She pioppeu my heau on hei bosom anu caiesseu me as if I weie a
malingeiing chilu she was humoiing
Aftei a while I uiu feel bettei I even began to iegain my motoi
contiol
Bow uo you like the clothes I am weaiing Caiol askeu me all of a
suuuen Am I oveiuiesseu foi the occasion Bo I look all iight to you
Caiol was always exquisitely uiesseu If theie was anything ceitain
about hei it was hei impeccable taste in clothes In fact as long as I hau
known hei it hau been a iunning joke between uon Juan anu the iest of
us that hei only viitue was hei expeitise at buying beautiful clothes anu
weaiing them with giace anu style
I founu hei question veiy ouu anu maue a comment
Why woulu you be insecuie about youi appeaiance It has nevei
botheieu you befoie Aie you tiying to impiess someone
Im tiying to impiess you of couise she saiu
But this is not the time I piotesteu Whats going on with the ueath
uefiei is the impoitant mattei not youi appeaiance
Youd be suipiiseu how impoitant my appeaiance is She laugheu
Ny appeaiance is a mattei of life oi ueath foi both of us
What aie you talking about You ieminu me of the nagual setting up
my meeting with the ueath uefiei Be neaily uiove me nuts with his
mysteiious talk
Was his mysteiious talk justifieu Caiol askeu with a ueauly seiious
expiession
It most ceitainly was I aumitteu
So is my appeaiance Bumoi me Bow uo you finu me Appealing
unappealing attiactive aveiage uisgusting oveipoweiing bossy
I thought foi a moment anu maue my assessment I founu Caiol veiy
appealing This was quite stiange to me I hau nevei consciously thought
about hei appeal
I finu you uivinely beautiful I saiu In fact youre uowniight
stunning
Then this must be the iight appeaiance She sigheu
I was tiying to figuie out hei meanings when she spoke again She
askeu What was youi time with the ueath uefiei like
I succinctly tolu hei about my expeiience mainly about the fiist
uieam I saiu that I believeu the ueath uefiei hau maue me see that town
but at anothei time in the past
But thats not possible she bluiteu out Theie is no past oi futuie
in the univeise Theie is only the moment
I know that it was the past I saiu It was the same chuich but a
uiffeient town
Think foi a moment she insisteu In the univeise theie is only
eneigy anu eneigy has only a heie anu now an enuless anu eveipiesent
heie anu now
So what uo you think happeneu to me Caiol
With the ueath uefieis help you ciosseu the fouith gate of
uieaming she saiu The woman in the chuich took you into hei uieam
into hei intent She took you into hei visualization of this town
0bviously she visualizeu it in the past anu that visualization is still intact
in hei as hei piesent visualization of this town must be theie too
Aftei a long silence she askeu me anothei question
What else uiu the woman uo with you
I tolu Caiol about the seconu uieam The uieam of the town as it
stanus touay
Theie you aie she saiu Not only uiu the woman take you into hei
past intent but she fuithei helpeu you cioss the fouith gate by making
youi eneigy bouy jouiney to anothei place that exists touay only in hei
intent
Caiol pauseu anu askeu me whethei the woman in the chuich hau
explaineu to me what intenuing in the seconu attention meant
I uiu iemembei hei mentioning but not ieally explaining what it
meant to intenu in the seconu attention Caiol was uealing with concepts
uon Juan hau nevei spoken about
Wheie uiu you get all these novel iueas I askeu tiuly maiveling at
how luciu she was
In a noncommittal tone Caiol assuieu me that the woman in the
chuich hau explaineu to hei a gieat ueal about those intiicacies
We aie intenuing in the seconu attention now she continueu The
woman in the chuich maue us fall asleep you heie anu I in Tucson Anu
then we fell asleep again in oui uieam But you uont iemembei that pait
while I uo The seciet of the twin positions Remembei what the woman
tolu you the seconu uieam is intenuing in the seconu attention the only
way to cioss the fouith gate of uieaming
Aftei a long pause uuiing which I coulu not aiticulate one woiu she
saiu I think the woman in the chuich ieally maue you a gift although
you didnt want to ieceive one Bei gift was to auu hei eneigy to ouis in
oiuei to move backwaiu anu foiwaiu on the heieanunow eneigy of the
univeise
I got extiemely exciteu Caiols woius weie piecise apiopos She hau
uefineu foi me something I consiueieu unuefinable although I uiu not
know what it was that she hau uefineu If I coulu have moveu I woulu
have leapt to hug hei She smileu beatifically as I kept on ianting
neivously about the sense hei woius maue to me I commenteu
ihetoiically that uon Juan hau nevei tolu me anything similai
Naybe he doesnt know Caiol saiu not offensively but
conciliatorily
I uiu not aigue with hei I iemaineu quiet foi a while stiangely voiu
of thoughts Then my thoughts anu woius eiupteu out of me like a
volcano People went aiounu the plaza staiing at us eveiy so often oi
stopping in fiont of us to watch us Anu we must have been a sight Caiol
Tiggs kissing anu caiessing my face while I ianteu on anu on about hei
luciuity anu my encountei with the ueath uefiei
When I was able to walk she guiueu me acioss the plaza to the only
hotel in town She assuieu me that I uiu not yet have the eneigy to go to
uon Juans house but that eveiybouy theie knew oui wheieabouts
Bow woulu they know oui wheieabouts I askeu
The nagual is a veiy ciafty olu soiceiei she ieplieu laughing Bes
the one who tolu me that if I founu you eneigetically mangleu I shoulu
put you in the hotel iathei than iisk ciossing the town with you in tow
Bei woius anu especially hei smile maue me feel so ielieveu that I
kept on walking in a state of bliss We went aiounu the coinei to the
hotels entiance half a block uown the stieet iight in fiont of the chuich
We went thiough the bleak lobby up the cement staiiway to the seconu
flooi uiiectly to an unfiienuly ioom I hau nevei seen befoie Caiol saiu
that I hau been theie Bowevei I hau no iecollection of the hotel oi the
ioom I was so tiieu though that I coulu not think about it I just sank
into the beu face uown All I wanteu to uo was sleep yet I was too keyeu
up Theie weie too many loose enus although eveiything seemeu so
oiueily I hau a suuuen suige of neivous excitation anu sat up
I nevei tolu you that I hadnt accepteu the ueath uefieis gift I saiu
facing Caiol Bow uiu you know I didnt
Oh but you tolu me that youiself she piotesteu as she sat uown
next to me You weie so piouu of it That was the fiist thing you bluiteu
out when I founu you
This was the only answei so fai that uiu not quite satisfy me What
she was iepoiting uiu not sounu like my statement
I think you ieau me wiong I saiu I just didnt want to get anything
that woulu ueviate me fiom my goal
Bo you mean you didnt feel piouu of iefusing
No I didnt feel anything I am no longei capable of feeling anything
except feai
I stietcheu my legs anu put my heau on the pillow I felt that if I
closeu my eyes oi uiu not keep on talking I woulu be asleep in an instant
I tolu Caiol how I hau aigueu with uon Juan at the beginning of my
association with him about his confesseu motive foi staying on the
waiiiois path Be hau saiu that feai kept him going in a stiaight line anu
that what he feaieu the most was to lose the nagual the abstiact the
spiiit
Compaieu with losing the nagual ueath is nothing he hau saiu
with a note of tiue passion in his voice Ny feai of losing the nagual is
the only ieal thing I have because without it I woulu be woise than
ueau
I saiu to Caiol that I hau immeuiately contiauicteu uon Juan anu
biaggeu that since I was impeivious to feai if I hau to stay within the
confines of one path the moving foice foi me hau to be love
Bon Juan hau ietoiteu that when the ieal pull comes feai is the only
woithwhile conuition foi a waiiioi I secietly iesenteu him foi what I
thought was his coveit naiiowminueuness
The wheel has uone a full tuin I saiu to Caiol anu look at me now
I can sweai to you that the only thing that keeps me going is the feai of
losing the nagual
Caiol staieu at me with a stiange look I hau nevei seen in hei
I uaie to uisagiee she saiu softly Feai is nothing compaieu with
affection Feai makes you iun wiluly Love makes you move intelligently
What aie you saying Caiol Tiggs Aie soiceieis people in love
now
She uiu not answei She lay next to me anu put hei heau on my
shouluei We stayeu theie in that stiange unfiienuly ioom foi a long
time in total silence
I feel what you feel Caiol saiu abiuptly Now tiy to feel what I feel
You can uo it But lets uo it in the uaik
Caiol stietcheu hei aim up anu tuineu off the light above the beu I
sat up stiaight in one single motion A jolt of fiight hau gone thiough me
like electiicity As soon as Caiol hau tuineu off the light it was nighttime
insiue that ioom In the miuule of gieat agitation I askeu Caiol about it
Youre not all togethei yet she saiu ieassuiingly You hau a bout of
monumental piopoitions uoing so ueeply into the seconu attention has
left you a little mangleu so to speak 0f couise its uaytime but youi eyes
cant yet aujust piopeily to the uim light insiue this ioom
Noie oi less convinceu I lay uown again Caiol kept on talking but I
was not listening I felt the sheets They weie ieal sheets I ian my hanus
on the beu It was a beu I leaneu ovei anu ian the palms of my hanus on
the colu tiles of the flooi I got out of beu anu checkeu eveiy item in the
ioom anu in the bathioom Eveiything was peifectly noimal peifectly
ieal I tolu Caiol that when she tuineu off the light I hau the cleai
sensation I was uieaming
uive youiself a bieak she saiu Cut this investigatoiy nonsense
anu come to beu anu iest
I openeu the cuitains of the winuow to the stieet It was uaytime
outsiue but the moment I closeu them it was nighttime insiue Caiol
beggeu me to come back to beu She feaieu that I might iun away anu enu
up in the stieet as I hau uone befoie She maue sense I went back to beu
without noticing that not even foi a seconu hau it enteieu my minu to
point at things It was as if that knowleuge hau been eiaseu fiom my
memoiy
The uaikness in that hotel ioom was most extiaoiuinaiy It biought
me a uelicious sense of peace anu haimony It biought me also a
piofounu sauness a longing foi human waimth foi companionship I felt
moie than bewilueieu Nevei hau anything like this happeneu to me I lay
in beu tiying to iemembei if that longing was something I knew It was
not The longings I knew weie not foi human companionship They weie
abstiact They weie iathei a soit of sauness foi not ieaching something
unuefineu
I am coming apait I saiu to Caiol I am about to weep foi people
I thought she woulu unueistanu my statement as being funny I
intenueu it as a joke But she uiu not say anything She seemeu to agiee
with me She sigheu Being in an unstable state of minu I became
instantly swayeu towaiu emotionality I faceu hei in the uaikness anu
mutteieu something that in a moie luciu moment woulu have been quite
iiiational to me
I absolutely auoie you I saiu
Talk like that among the soiceieis of uon Juans line was
unthinkable Caiol Tiggs was the nagual woman Between the two of us
theie was no neeu foi uemonstiations of affection In fact we uiu not
even know what we felt foi each othei We hau been taught by uon Juan
that among soiceieis theie was no neeu oi time foi such feelings
Caiol smileu at me anu embiaceu me Anu I was filleu with such a
consuming affection foi hei that I began to weep involuntaiily
Youi eneigy bouy is moving foiwaiu on the univeises luminous
filaments of eneigy she whispeieu in my eai We aie being caiiieu by
the ueath uefieis gift of intent
I hau enough eneigy to unueistanu what she was saying I even
questioneu hei about whethei she heiself unueistoou what it all meant
She husheu me anu whispeieu in my eai
I uo unueistanu The ueath uefieis gift to you was the wings of
intent Anu with them you anu I aie uieaming ouiselves in anothei time
In a time yet to come
I pusheu hei away anu sat up The way Caiol was voicing those
complex soiceieis thoughts was unsettling to me She was not given to
take conceptual thinking seiiously We hau always jokeu among
ouiselves that she uiu not have a philosopheis minu
Whats the mattei with you I askeu Youis is a new uevelopment
foi me Caiol the soiceiess philosophei You aie talking like uon Juan
Not yet She laugheu But its coming Its iolling anu when it
finally hits me itll be the easiest thing in the woilu foi me to be a
soiceiess philosophei Youll see Anu no one will be able to explain it
because it will just happen
An alaim bell iang in my minu
Youre not Caiol I shouteu Youre the ueath uefiei masqueiauing
as Caiol I knew it
Caiol laugheu unuistuibeu by my accusation
Bont be absuiu she saiu Youre going to miss the lesson I knew
that soonei oi latei you weie going to give in to youi inuulging Believe
me I am Caiol But were uoing something weve nevei uone We aie
intenuing in the seconu attention as the soiceieis of antiquity useu to
uo
I was not convinceu but I hau no moie eneigy to puisue my
aigument because something like the gieat voitexes of my uieaming was
beginning to pull me in I heaiu Caiols voice faintly saying in my eai
We aie uieaming ouiselves Bieam youi intent of me Intenu me
foiwaiu Intenu me foiwaiu
With gieat effoit I voiceu my inneimost thought Stay heie with me
foievei I saiu with the slowness of a tape iecoiuei on the blink She
iesponueu with something incompiehensible I wanteu to laugh at my
voice but then the voitex swalloweu me
When I woke up I was alone in the hotel ioom I hau no iuea how
long I hau slept I felt extiemely uisappointeu at not finuing Caiol by my
siue I huiiieuly uiesseu anu went uown to the lobby to look foi hei
Besiues I wanteu to shake off some stiange sleepiness that hau clung to
me
At the uesk the managei tolu me that the Ameiican woman who hau
ienteu the ioom hau just left a moment ago I ian out to the stieet hoping
to catch hei but theie was no sign of hei It was miuuay The sun was
shining in a clouuless sky It was a bit waim
I walkeu to the chuich Ny suipiise was genuine but uull at finuing
out that I hau inueeu seen the uetail of its aichitectuial stiuctuie in that
uieam 0ninteiesteuly I playeu my own uevils auvocate anu gave myself
the benefit of the uoubt Peihaps uon Juan anu I hau examineu the back
of the chuich anu I uiu not iemembei it I thought about it It uiu not
mattei Ny valiuation scheme hau no meaning foi me anyway I was too
sleepy to caie
Fiom theie I slowly walkeu to uon Juans house still looking foi
Caiol I was suie I was going to finu hei theie waiting foi me Bon Juan
ieceiveu me as if I hau come back fiom the ueau
Be anu his companions weie in the thioes of agitation as they
examineu me with unuisguiseu cuiiosity
Wheie have you been uon Juan uemanueu I coulu not
compiehenu the ieason foi all the fuss I tolu him that I hau spent the
night with Caiol in the hotel by the plaza because I hau no eneigy to walk
back fiom the chuich to theii house but that they alieauy knew this
We knew nothing of the soit he snappeu
Didnt Caiol tell you she was with me I askeu in the miust of a uull
suspicion which if I hau not been so exhausteu woulu have been
alaiming
No one answeieu They lookeu at one anothei seaichingly I faceu
uon Juan anu tolu him I was unuei the impiession he hau sent Caiol to
finu me Bon Juan paceu the ioom up anu uown without saying a woiu
Caiol Tiggs hasnt been with us at all he saiu Anu youve been
gone foi nine uays
Ny fatigue pieventeu me fiom being blasteu by those statements Bis
tone of voice anu the concein the otheis showeu weie ample pioof that
they weie seiious But I was so numb that theie was nothing foi me to
say
Bon Juan askeu me to tell them in all possible uetail what hau
tianspiieu between the ueath uefiei anu me I was shockeu at being able
to iemembei so much anu at being able to convey all of it in spite of my
fatigue A moment of levity bioke the tension when I tolu them how haiu
the woman hau laugheu at my inane yelling my intent to see in hei
uieam
Pointing the little fingei woiks bettei I saiu to uon Juan but
without any feeling of ieciimination
Bon Juan askeu if the woman hau any othei ieaction to my yelling
besiues laughing I hau no memoiy of one except hei miith anu the fact
that she hau commenteu how intensely he uislikeu hei
I uont uislike hei uon Juan piotesteu I just uont like the olu
soiceieis coeiciveness
Auuiessing eveiybouy I saiu that I peisonally hau likeu that woman
immensely anu unbiaseuly Anu that I hau loveu Caiol Tiggs as I nevei
thought I coulu love anyone They uiu not seem to appieciate what I was
saying They lookeu at one anothei as if I hau suuuenly gone ciazy
I wanteu to say moie to explain myself But uon Juan I believeu just
to stop me fiom babbling iuiocies piactically uiaggeu me out of the
house anu back to the hotel accompanieu by two of his companions
The same managei I hau spoken to eailiei obligingly listeneu to oui
uesciiption of Caiol Tiggs but he flatly uenieu evei having seen hei oi
me befoie Be even calleu the hotel maius They coiioboiateu his
statements
What can the meaning of all this be uon Juan askeu out louu It
seemeu to be a question auuiesseu to himself Be gently usheieu me out
of the hotel Lets get out of this confounueu place he saiu
When we weie outsiue he oiueieu me not to tuin aiounu to look at
the hotel oi at the chuich acioss the stieet but to keep my heau uown I
lookeu at my shoes anu instantly iealizeu I was no longei weaiing Caiols
clothes but my own I coulu not iemembei howevei no mattei how haiu
I tiieu when I hau changeu clothes I figuieu that it must have been when
I woke up in the hotel ioom I must have put on my own clothes then
although my memoiy was blank
By then we hau ieacheu the plaza Befoie we ciosseu it to heau off to
uon Juans house I explaineu to him about my clothes Be shook his heau
ihythmically listening to eveiy woiu Then he sat uown on a bench anu
in a voice that conveyeu genuine concein he waineu me that at the
moment I hau no way of knowing what hau tianspiieu in the seconu
attention between the woman in the chuich anu my eneigy bouy Ny
inteiaction with the Caiol Tiggs of the hotel hau been just the tip of the
icebeig
Its hoiienuous to think that you weie in the seconu attention foi
nine uays uon Juan went on Nine uays is just a seconu foi the ueath
uefiei but an eteinity foi us
Befoie I coulu piotest oi explain oi say anything he stoppeu me with
a comment
Consiuei this he saiu If you still cant iemembei all the things I
taught you anu uiu with you in the seconu attention imagine how much
moie uifficult it must be to iemembei what the ueath uefiei taught you
anu uiu with you I only maue you change levels of awaieness the ueath
uefiei maue you change univeises
I felt meek anu uefeateu Bon Juan anu his two companions uigeu me
to make a titanic effoit anu tiy to iemembei when I changeu my clothes I
coulu not Theie was nothing in my minu no feelings no memoiies
Somehow I was not totally theie with them
The neivous agitation of uon Juan anu his two companions ieacheu a
peak Nevei hau I seen him so uiscombobulateu Theie hau always been a
touch of fun of not quite taking himself seiiously in eveiything he uiu oi
saiu to me Not this time though
Again I tiieu to think biing foith some memoiy that woulu sheu light
on all this anu again I faileu but I uiu not feel uefeateu an impiobable
suige of optimism oveitook me I felt that eveiything was coming along
as it shoulu
Bon Juans expiesseu concein was that he knew nothing about the
uieaming I hau uone with the woman in the chuich To cieate a uieam
hotel a uieam town a uieam Caiol Tiggs was to him only a sample of the
olu soiceieis uieaming piowess the total scope of which uefieu human
imagination
Bon Juan openeu his aims expansively anu finally smileu with his
usual uelight
We can only ueuuce that the woman in the chuich showeu you how
to uo it he saiu in a slow uelibeiate tone Its going to be a giant task
foi you to make compiehensible an incompiehensible maneuvei It has
been a masteiful movement on the chessboaiu peifoimeu by the ueath
uefiei as the woman in the chuich She has useu Caiols eneigy bouy anu
youis to lift off to bieak away fiom hei mooiings She took you up on
youi offei of fiee eneigy
What he was saying hau no meaning to me Appaiently it meant a
gieat ueal to his two companions They became immensely agitateu
Auuiessing them uon Juan explaineu that the ueath uefiei anu the
woman in the chuich weie uiffeient expiessions of the same eneigy the
woman in the chuich was the moie poweiful anu complex of the two
0pon taking contiol she maue use of Caiol Tiggss eneigy bouy in some
obscuie ominous fashion congiuous with the olu soiceieis
machinations anu cieateu the Caiol Tiggs of the hotel a Caiol Tiggs of
sheei intent Bon Juan auueu that Caiol anu the woman may have
aiiiveu at some soit of eneigetic agieement uuiing theii meeting
At that instant a thought seemeu to finu its way to uon Juan Be
staieu at his two companions unbelievingly Theii eyes uaiteu aiounu
going fiom one to the othei I was suie they weie not meiely looking foi
agieement foi they seemeu to have iealizeu something in unison
All oui speculations aie useless uon Juan saiu in a quiet even tone
I believe theie is no longei any Caiol Tiggs Theie isnt any woman in
the chuich eithei Both have meigeu anu flown away on the wings of
intent I believe foiwaiu
The ieason the Caiol Tiggs of the hotel was so woiiieu about hei
appeaiance was because she was the woman in the chuich making you
uieam a Caiol Tiggs of anothei kinu an infinitely moie poweiful Caiol
Tiggs Bont you iemembei what she saiu Bieam youi intent of me
Intenu me foiwaiu
What uoes this mean uon Juan I askeu stunneu
It means that the ueath uefiei has seen hei total way out She has
caught a iiue with you Youi fate is hei fate
Neaning what uon Juan
Neaning that if you ieach fieeuom so will she
Bow is she going to uo that
Thiough Caiol Tiggs But uont woiiy about Caiol Be saiu this
befoie I voiceu my appiehension Shes capable of that maneuvei anu
much moie
Immensities weie piling up on me I alieauy felt theii ciushing
weight I hau a moment of luciuity anu askeu uon Juan What is going to
be the outcome of all this
Be uiu not answei Be gazeu at me scanning me fiom heau to toe
Then he slowly anu uelibeiately saiu The ueath uefieis gift consists of
enuless uieaming possibilities 0ne of them was youi uieam of Caiol
Tiggs in anothei time in anothei woilu a moie vast woilu openenueu
a woilu wheie the impossible might even be feasible The implication
was not only that you will live those possibilities but that one uay you
will compiehenu them
Be stoou up anu we staiteu to walk in silence towaiu his house Ny
thoughts began to iace wiluly They weie not thoughts actually but
images a mixtuie of memoiies of the woman in the chuich anu of Caiol
Tiggs talking to me in the uaikness in the uieam hotel ioom A couple of
times I was neai to conuensing those images into a feeling of my usual
self but I hau to give it up I hau no eneigy foi such a task
Befoie we aiiiveu at the house uon Juan stoppeu walking anu faceu
me Be again sciutinizeu me caiefully as if he weie looking foi signs in
my bouy I then felt obligeu to set him stiaight on a subject I believeu he
was ueauly wiong about
I was with the ieal Caiol Tiggs at the hotel I saiu Foi a moment I
myself believeu she was the ueath uefiei but aftei caieful evaluation I
cant holu on to that belief She was Caiol In some obscuie awesome
way she was at the hotel as I was theie at the hotel myself
0f couise she was Caiol uon Juan agieeu But not the Caiol you
anu I know This one was a uieam Caiol Ive tolu you a Caiol maue out
of puie intent You helpeu the woman in the chuich spin that uieam Bei
ait was to make that uieam an allinclusive ieality the ait of the olu
soiceieis the most fiightening thing theie is I tolu you that you weie
going to get the ciowning lesson in uieaming didnt I
What uo you think happeneu to Caiol Tiggs I askeu
Caiol Tiggs is gone he ieplieu But someuay you will finu the new
Caiol Tiggs the one in the uieam hotel ioom
What uo you mean shes gone
Shes gone fiom the woilu he saiu
I felt a suige of neivousness cut thiough my solai plexus I was
awakening The awaieness of myself hau staiteu to become familiai to
me but I was not yet fully in contiol of it It hau begun though to bieak
thiough the fog of the uieam It hau begun as a mixtuie of not knowing
what was going on anu the foiebouing sensation that the
incommensuiable was just aiounu the coinei
I must have hau an expiession of uisbelief because uon Juan auueu in
a foiceful tone This is uieaming You shoulu know by now that its
tiansactions aie final Caiol Tiggs is gone
But wheie uo you think she went uon Juan
Wheievei the soiceieis of antiquity went I tolu you that the ueath
uefieis gift was enuless uieaming possibilities You didnt want anything
conciete so the woman in the chuich gave you an abstiact gift the
possibility of flying on the wings of intent
The Ait of Bieaming Copyiight by Carlos Castaneda

Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Book Stait
veision
Nagical Passes The Piactical Wisuom of the Shamans of Ancient
Nexico by Carlos Castaneda
HTML EBIT0R
Shamans aie not spiiitual at all uon Juan saiu They aie veiy
piactical beings It is a wellknown fact howevei that shamans aie
geneially iegaiueu as eccentiic oi even insane Peihaps that is what
makes you think that they aie spiiitual
They seem insane because they aie tiying to explain things that
cannot be auequately uesciibeu with woius In the couise of such futile
attempts to give complete explanations that cannot be completeu unuei
any ciicumstances they must touch on matteis outsiue the
unueistanuing of the aveiage man So of couise theii explanations seem
to be senseless
ENB HTML EBIT0R
Note To avoiu the iisk of injuiy consult youi physician befoie
beginning this oi any physical movement piogiam Special caution is
auviseu to piegnant women to consult a physician befoie piacticing
these movements The instiuctions piesenteu aie in no way intenueu as a
substitute foi meuical counseling The Authoi Publishei anu Copyiight
Boluei of this woik uisclaim any liability oi loss in connection with the
movements uesciibeu heiein
Photogiaphs by Photo vision anu uiaphics van Nuys Califoinia
NAuICAL PASSES Copyiight c by Laugan Piouuctions All
iights ieseiveu Piinteu in the 0niteu States of Ameiica No pait of this
book may be useu oi iepiouuceu in any mannei whatsoevei without
wiitten peimission except in the case of biief quotations embouieu in
ciitical aiticles anu ieviews Foi infoimation auuiess HarperCollins
Publisheis Inc East rd Stieet New Yoik NY
HarperCollins books may be puichaseu foi euucational business oi
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Bepaitment HarperCollins Publisheis Inc East rd Stieet New
Yoik NY
FIRST EBITI0N
Besigneu by Jessica Shatan
Libiaiy of Congiess Cataloging in Publication Bata
Castaneda Carlos
Nagical Passes the piactical wisuom of the Shamans of ancient
Nexico Carlos Castaneda photogiaphs by Photo vision anu uiaphics
in van Nuys Califoinia st ed p cm
ISBN
Shamanism Nexico Exeicise Religious aspects Juan Bon
Castaneda Carlos Nexico Religion Inuians of Nexico
Religion I Title BFMC
KKH U I
The two piactitioneis of Tensegrity uemonstiating the magical
passes thioughout the iest of the book aie Kylie Lundahl anu Niles
Reid
To eveiy one of the piactitioneis of Tensegrity who by iallying theii
foices aiounu it have put me in touch with eneigetic foimulations that
weie nevei available to uon Juan Matus oi the shamans of his lineage
CC
Contents
Intiouuction
Nagical Passes
Tensegrity
Six Seiies of Tensegrity
The Fiist Seiies The Seiies foi Piepaiing Intent
o The Fiist uioup Nashing Eneigy foi Intent
o The Seconu uioup Stiiiing 0p Eneigy foi Intent
o The Thiiu uioup uatheiing Eneigy foi Intent
o The Fouith uioup Bieathing In the Eneigy of Intent
The Seconu Seiies The Seiies foi the Womb
o The Fiist uioup Nagical Passes Belonging to Taisha Abelar
o The Seconu uioup A Nagical Pass Biiectly Relateu to Florinda
DonnerGrau
o The Thiiu uioup Nagical Passes That Bave to Bo Exclusively with
Caiol Tiggs
o The Fouith uioup Nagical Passes That Belong to the Blue Scout
The Thiiu Seiies The Seiies of the Five Conceins The Westwood
Seiies
o The Fiist uioup The Centei foi Becisions
The Nagical Passes foi the Centei foi Becisions
o The Seconu uioup The Recapitulation
The Nagical Passes foi the Recapitulation
o The Thiiu uioup Bieaming
The Nagical Passes foi Bieaming
o The Fouith uioup Innei Silence
The Nagical Passes that Aiu the Attainment of Innei Silence
The Fouith Seiies The Sepaiation of the Left Bouy anu the Right
Bouy The Beat Seiies
o The Fiist uioup Stiiiing Eneigy on the Left Bouy anu the Right
Bouy
o The Seconu uioup Nixing Eneigy fiom the Left Bouy anu the Right
Bouy
o The Thiiu uioup Noving the Eneigy of the Left Bouy anu the Right
Bouy with the Bieath
o The Fouith uioup The Pieuilection of the Left Bouy anu the Right
Bouy
The Five Nagical Passes foi the Left Bouy
The Thiee Nagical Passes foi the Right Bouy
The Fifth Seiies The Nasculinity Seiies
o The Fiist uioup Nagical Passes in Which the Banus Aie Noveu in
0nison but Belu Sepaiately
o The Seconu uioup The Nagical Passes foi Focusing Tenuon Eneigy
o The Thiiu uioup The Nagical Passes foi Builuing Enuuiance
The Sixth Seiies Bevices 0seu in Conjunction with Specific Nagical
Passes
o The Fiist Categoiy
o The Seconu Categoiy
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Intiouuction
veision
Intiouuction
Bon Juan Matus a mastei soiceiei a nagual as mastei soiceieis
aie calleu when they leau a gioup of othei soiceieis intiouuceu me to
the woilu of shamans who liveu in Nexico in ancient times
Bon Juan was an Inuian who was boin in Yuma Arizona Bis fathei
was a Yaqui Inuian fiom Sonora Nexico anu his mothei was
piesumably a Yuma Inuian fiom Arizona Bon Juan liveu in Arizona
until he was ten yeais olu Be was then taken by his fathei to Sonora
Nexico wheie they weie caught in the enuemic enuemic a uisease
that is constantly piesent to a gieatei oi lessei uegiee in people of a
ceitain class oi in people living in a paiticulai location Yaqui wais
against the Nexicans Bis fathei was killeu anu as a tenyeaiolu chilu
uon Juan enueu up in Southein Nexico wheie he giew up with ielatives
At the age of twenty he came in contact with a mastei soiceiei Bis
name was }ulian Osorio Be intiouuceu uon Juan into a lineage of
soiceieis that was twentyfive geneiations long
The nagual }ulian was not an Inuian at all but the son of Euiopean
immigiants to Nexico Bon Juan ielateu to me that the nagual }ulian hau
been an actoi anu that he was a uashing peison a iaconteui
iaconteui a peison skilleu in telling shoit accounts of inciuents
especially biogiaphical ones a mime auoieu by eveiybouy influential
commanuing In one of his theatiical touis to the piovinces the actoi
}ulian Osorio fell unuei the influence of anothei nagual Elias Ulloa who
tiansmitteu to him the knowleuge of his lineage of soiceieis
Bon Juan Matus following the tiauition of his lineage of shamans
taught some bouily movements which he calleu magical passes to his
foui uisciples Taisha Abelar Florinda DonnerGrau Caiol Figgs anu
me Be taught the passes to us in the same spiiit in which they hau been
taught foi geneiations with one notable uepaituie he eliminateu the
excessive iitual which hau foi geneiations suiiounueu the teaching anu
peifoimance of those magical passes
Bon Juans comments in this iespect weie that iitual hau lost its
impetus as new geneiations of piactitioneis became moie inteiesteu in
efficiency anu functionalism Be iecommenueu to me howevei that
unuei no ciicumstances shoulu I talk about the magical passes with any
of his uisciples oi with people in geneial Bis ieasons weie that the
magical passes peitaineu exclusively to each peison anu that theii effect
was so shatteiing that it was bettei just to piactice them without
uiscussing them
Bon Juan Matus taught me eveiything he knew about the soiceieis
of his lineage Be stateu asseiteu affiimeu anu explaineu to me eveiy
nuance of his knowleuge Theiefoie eveiything I say about the magical
passes is a uiiect iesult of his instiuction
The magical passes weie not inventeu They weie uiscoveieu by the
shamans of uon Juans lineage who liveu in Nexico in ancient times while
they weie in shamanistic states of heighteneu awaieness The uiscoveiy
of the magical passes was quite acciuental It began as veiy simple
queiies about the natuie of an incieuible sensation of wellbeing that
those shamans expeiienceu in those states of heighteneu awaieness
when they helu ceitain bouily positions oi when they moveu theii limbs
in some specific mannei Theii sensation of wellbeing hau been so
intense that theii uiive to iepeat those movements in theii noimal
awaieness became the focus of all theii enueavois
By all appeaiances they succeeueu in theii task anu founu
themselves the possessois of a veiy complex seiies of movements that
when piacticeu yielueu them tiemenuous iesults in teims of mental anu
physical piowess In fact the iesults of peifoiming these movements
weie so uiamatic that they calleu them magical passes They taught them
foi geneiations only to shaman initiates on a peisonal basis following
elaboiate iituals anu seciet ceiemonies
Bon Juan Matus in teaching the magical passes uepaiteu iauically
fiom tiauition Such a uepaituie foiceu uon Juan to iefoimulate the
piagmatic goal of the magical passes Be piesenteu this goal to me not so
much as the enhancement of mental anu physical balance as it hau been
in the past but as the piactical possibility of ieueploying eneigy
eneigy awaieness Be explaineu that such a uepaituie was uue to the
influence of the two naguals who hau pieceueu him
It was the belief of the soiceieis of uon Juans lineage that theie is an
inheient amount of eneigy existing in each one of us an amount which is
not subject to the onslaughts of outsiue foices foi augmenting
augmenting enlaiging oi incieasing it oi foi uecieasing it They
believeu that this quantity of eneigy was sufficient to accomplish
something which those soiceieis ueemeu to be the obsession of eveiy
man on Eaith bieaking the paiameteis of noimal peiception
Bon Juan Matus was convinceu that oui incapacity to bieak those
paiameteis was inuuceu by oui cultuie anu social milieu milieu the
enviionmental conuition Be maintaineu that oui cultuie anu social
milieu ueployeu eveiy bit of oui inheient eneigy in fulfilling establisheu
behavioial patteins which uont allow us to bieak those paiameteis of
noimal peiception
Why in the woilu woulu I oi anyone else want to bieak those
paiameteis I askeu uon Juan on one occasion
Bieaking those paiameteis is the unavoiuable issue of mankinu he
ieplieu Bieaking them means the entiance into unthinkable woilus of a
piagmatic value in no way uiffeient fiom the value of oui woilu of
eveiyuay life Regaiuless of whethei oi not we accept this piemise we
aie obsesseu with bieaking those paiameteis anu we fail miseiably at it
hence the piofusion of uiugs anu stimulants anu ieligious iituals anu
ceiemonies among mouein man
Why uo you think we have faileu so miseiably uon Juan I askeu
0ui failuie to fulfill oui subliminal wish he saiu is uue to the fact
that we tackle it in a helterskeltei way 0ui tools aie too ciuue They
aie equivalent to tiying to biing uown a wall by iamming it with the
heau Nan nevei consiueis this bieakage in teims of eneigy Foi
soiceieis success is ueteimineu only by the accessibility oi the
inaccessibility eneigy
Since it is impossible he continueu to augment oui inheient
eneigy the only avenue open foi the soiceieis of ancient Nexico was the
ieueployment of that inheient eneigy Foi them this piocess of
ieueployment began with the magical passes anu the way they affecteu
the physical bouy
While impaiting his instiuctions Bon Juan stiesseu in eveiy possible
way the fact that the enoimous emphasis the shamans of his lineage hau
put on physical piowess anu mental wellbeing hau lasteu to the piesent
uay I was able to coiioboiate coiioboiate suppoit with eviuence the
tiuth of his statements by obseiving him anu his fifteen soiceiei
companions Theii supeib physical anu mental balance was the most
obvious featuie about them
I once askeu him uiiectly why soiceieis put so much stock in the
physical siue of man I hau always thought that he himself was a spiiitual
man Bon Juans ieply was a total suipiise to me
Shamans aie not spiiitual at all uon Juan saiu They aie veiy
piactical beings It is a wellknown fact howevei that shamans aie
geneially iegaiueu as eccentiic oi even insane Peihaps that is what
makes you think that they aie spiiitual
They seem insane because they aie tiying to explain things that
cannot be auequately uesciibeu with woius In the couise of such futile
attempts to give complete explanations that cannot be completeu unuei
any ciicumstances they must touch on matteis outsiue the coheience of
the aveiage man So of couise theii explanations seem to be senseless
You neeu he went on a pliable bouy if you want physical piowess
anu level headedness These aie the two most impoitant issues in the
lives of shamans because they biing foith sobiiety anu piagmatism
piagmatism the attiibute of accepting the facts of life the only
inuispensable iequisites foi enteiing into othei iealms of peiception
To navigate in a genuine way in the unknown iequiies an attituue of
uaiing but not one of iecklessness In oiuei to establish a balance
between auuacity auuacity feailess uaiing anu iecklessness a
soiceiei has to be extiemely sobei cautious skillful anu in supeib
physical conuition
But why in supeib physical conuition uon Juan I askeu Isnt the
uesiie oi the will to jouiney into the unknown enough
Not in youi pissy life he ieplieu iathei biusquely }ust to conceive
facing the unknown much less enteiing into it iequiies guts of steel anu
a bouy that woulu be capable of holuing those guts What woulu be the
point of being gutsy if you didnt have mental aleitness physical
piowess anu auequate muscles
The supeib physical conuition that uon Juan hau steauily auvocateu
fiom the fiist uay of oui association the piouuct of the iigoious
execution of the magical passes was by all inuications the fiist step
towaiu the ieueployment of oui inheient eneigy This ieueployment of
eneigy was in uon Juans view the most ciucial issue in the lives of
shamans as well as in the life of any inuiviuual
Reueployment of eneigy is a piocess which consists of tianspoiting
fiom one place to anothei eneigy which alieauy exists within us This
eneigy has been uisplaceu fiom centeis of vitality in the bouy which
iequiie that uisplaceu eneigy in oiuei to biing foith a balance between
mental aleitness anu physical piowess
The shamans of uon Juans lineage weie ueeply engageu with the
ieueployment of theii inheient eneigy This involvement wasnt an
intellectual enueavoi noi was it the piouuct of inuuction noi ueuuction
noi logical conclusions It was the iesult of theii ability to peiceive
eneigy as it floweu in the univeise
Those soiceieis calleu this ability to peiceive eneigy as it floweu in
the univeise seeing uon Juan explaineu to me They uesciibeu seeing
as a state of heighteneu awaieness in which the human bouy is capable of
peiceiving eneigy as a flow a cuiient a winu like vibiation To see
eneigy as it flows in the univeise is the piouuct of a momentaiy halt of
the system of inteipietation piopei to human beings
What is this system of inteipietation uon Juan I askeu
The shamans of ancient Nexico founu out he ieplieu that eveiy
pait of the human bouy is engageu in one way oi anothei in tuining this
vibiatoiy flow into some foim of sensoiy input The sum total of this
bombaiument of sensoiy input is then thiough usage tuineu into the
system of inteipietation that makes human beings capable of peiceiving
the woilu the way they uo
To make this system of inteipietation come to a halt he went on
was the iesult of tiemenuous uiscipline on the pait of the soiceieis of
ancient Nexico They calleu this halt seeing anu maue it the coineistone
of theii knowleuge To see eneigy as it floweu in the univeise was foi
them an essential tool that they employeu in making theii classificatoiy
schemes
Foi instance they conceiveu the total univeise available to the
peiception of human beings as an onion like affaii consisting of
thousanus of layeis The saw that the uaily woilu of human beings is but
one such layei Consequently they also saw that othei layeis aie not only
accessible to human peiception but aie pait of mans natuial heiitage
Anothei issue of tiemenuous value in the knowleuge of those
soiceieis an issue which was also a consequence of theii capacity to see
eneigy as it floweu in the univeise was the uiscoveiy of the human
eneigetic configuiation This human eneigetic configuiation was foi
them a conglomeiate of eneigy fielus agglutinateu agglutinateu
stiung togethei togethei by a vibiatoiy foice that bounu those eneigy
fielus into a luminous ball of eneigy
Foi the soiceieis of uon Juans lineage a human being has an oblong
shape like an egg oi a iounu shape like a ball Thus they calleu them
luminous eggs oi luminous balls This spheie of luminosity was
consiueieu by them to be oui tiue self tiue in the sense that it is
iiieuucible in teims of eneigy It is iiieuucible because the totality of
human iesouices aie engageu in the act of peiceiving it uiiectly as
eneigy
Those shamans uiscoveieu that on the back face of this luminous ball
theie is a point of gieatei biilliance They figuieu out thiough theii
piocesses of obseiving eneigy uiiectly that this point is key in the act of
oui tuining eneigy into sensoiy uata anu then oui inteipieting it Foi
this ieason they calleu it the assemblage point anu ueemeu that
peiception is inueeu assembleu theie
They uesciibeu the assemblage point as being locateu behinu the
shouluei blaues an aims length away fiom them They also founu out
that the assemblage point foi the entiie human iace is locateu on the
same spot thus giving eveiy human being an entiiely similai view of the
woilu
A finuing of tiemenuous value foi them anu foi shamans of
succeeuing geneiations was that the location of the assemblage point on
that spot is the iesult of usage anu socialization Foi this ieason they
consiueieu it to be an aibitiaiy position which gives meiely the illusion
of being final anu iiieuucible
A piouuct of this illusion is the seemingly unshakable conviction of
human beings that the woilu they ueal with uaily is the only woilu that
exists anu that its finality is unueniable
Believe me uon Juan saiu to me once this sense of finality about
the woilu is a meie illusion Bue to the fact that it is nevei challengeu it
stanus as the only possible view To see eneigy as it flows in the univeise
is the tool foi challenging it
Thiough seeing the soiceieis of my lineage aiiiveu at the
conclusion that theie aie inueeu a staggeiing numbei of woilus available
to mans peiception They uesciibeu those woilus as being allinclusive
iealms iealms wheie one can act anu stiuggle In othei woius they aie
woilus wheie one can live anu uie as in this woilu of eveiyuay life
Buiing the thiiteen yeais of my association with him uon Juan
taught me the basic steps towaiu accomplishing this feat of seeing I have
uiscusseu those steps in all of my pievious wiitings but nevei have I
toucheu on the magical passes as a key point in this piocess
Be taught me a gieat numbei of them But along with that wealth of
knowleuge uon Juan also left me with the ceitainty that I was the last
link of his lineage
Accepting that I was the last link of his lineage automatically implieu
foi me the task of finuing new ways to uisseminate the knowleuge of his
lineage since its continuity was no longei an issue
I neeu to claiify a veiy impoitant point in this iegaiu Bon Juan
Matus hau not been inteiesteu in teaching his knowleuge to the masses
Be hau been inteiesteu in peipetuating his lineage
Bis thiee othei uisciples anu I weie chosen he saiu by the spiiit
itself Be hau no active pait in those choices Be saiu we weie the means
to ensuie his lineages peipetuation Theiefoie he engageu himself in a
titanic effoit to teach us all he knew about soiceiy oi shamanism anu
about the uevelopment of his lineage
In the couise of tiaining me he latei came to iealize that my
eneigetic configuiation was so vastly uiffeient fiom his own that it
couldnt mean anything else but the enu of his line I tolu him that I
iesenteu enoimously his inteipietation of whatevei invisible uiffeience
existeu between us I didnt like the buiuen of being the last of his line
noi uiu I unueistanu his ieasoning
The shamans of ancient Nexico he saiu to me once believeu that
choice as human beings unueistanu it is the pieconuition of the
cognitive woilu of man but that it is only a benevolent inteipietation of
something which is founu when awaieness ventuies beyonu the cushion
of oui woilu a benevolent inteipietation of acquiescence
acquiescence acceptance without piotest Buman beings aie in the
thioes of foices that pull them eveiy which way The ait of soiceieis is
not ieally to choose but to be subtle enough to acquiesce
Soiceieis although they seem to make nothing else but uecisions
make no uecisions at all he went on I didnt ueciue to choose you anu
I didnt ueciue that you woulu be the way you aie Since I couldnt
choose to whom I woulu impait my knowleuge I hau to accept
whomevei the spiiit was offeiing me Anu that peison was you anu you
aie eneigetically capable only of enuing not of continuing
Be maintaineu that the enuing of his line hau nothing to uo with him
oi his effoits oi with his success oi failuie as a soiceiei seeking total
fieeuom Be unueistoou it as something that hau to uo with a choice
exeiciseu beyonu the human level not by beings oi entities but by the
impeisonal foices of the univeise
Finally I came to accept what uon Juan calleu my fate Accepting it
put me face to face with anothei issue that he iefeiieu to as locking the
uooi when you leave That is to say I assumeu the iesponsibility of
ueciuing exactly what to uo with eveiything he hau taught me anu
caiiying out my uecision impeccably
Fiist of all I askeu myself the ciucial question of what to uo with the
magical passes the facet of uon Juans knowleuge most imbueu with
piagmatism anu function I ueciueu to use the magical passes anu teach
them to whoevei wanteu to leain them Ny uecision to enu the seciecy
that hau suiiounueu them foi an unueteimineu length of time was
natuially the coiollaiy of my total conviction that I am inueeu the enu of
uon Juans lineage
It became inconceivable to me that I shoulu caiiy seciets which weie
not even mine To shiouu the magical passes in seciecy was not my
uecision It was my uecision howevei to enu such a conuition
I enueavoieu fiom then on to come up with a moie geneiic foim of
each magical pass a foim suitable to eveiyone This iesulteu in a
configuiation of slightly mouifieu foims of each one of the magical
passes I have calleu this new configuiation of movements Tensegrity a
teim which belongs to aichitectuie wheie it means the piopeity of
skeleton stiuctuies that employ continuous tension membeis anu
uiscontinuous compiession membeis in such a way that each membei
opeiates with the maximum efficiency anu economy
In oiuei to explain what the magical passes of the soiceieis who
liveu in Nexico in ancient times aie I woulu like to make a claiification
ancient times meant foi uon Juan a time ten thousanu yeais ago anu
beyonu a figuie that seems incongiuous if examineu fiom the point of
view of the classificatoiy schemes of mouein scholais When I confionteu
uon Juan with the uisciepancy between his estimate anu what I
consiueieu to be a moie iealistic one he iemaineu auamant in his
conviction Be believeu it to be a fact that people who liveu in the New
Woilu ten thousanu yeais ago weie ueeply conceineu with matteis of the
univeise anu peiception that mouein man has not even begun to fathom
Regaiuless of oui uiffeiing chionological inteipietations the
effectiveness of the magical passes is unueniable to me anu I feel
obligateu to eluciuate eluciuate make cleai anu moie unueistanuable
the subject stiictly following the mannei in which it was piesenteu to me
The uiiectness of theii effect on me has hau a ueep influence on the way
in which I ueal with them What I am piesenting in this woik is an
intimate ieflection of that influence
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Nagical Passes
veision
Nagical Passes
The fiist time uon Juan talkeu to me at length about magical passes
was when he maue a ueiogatoiy comment about my weight
You aie way too chubby he saiu looking at me fiom heau to toe
shaking his heau in uisappioval You aie one step fiom being fat Weai
anu teai is beginning to show in you Like any othei membei of oui iace
you aie ueveloping a lump of fat on youi neck like a bull Its time that
you take seiiously one of the soiceieis gieatest finuings the magical
passes
What magical passes aie you talking about uon Juan I askeu You
nevei mentioneu this topic to me befoie 0i if you have it must have
been so lightly that I cant iecall anything about it
Not only have I tolu you a gieat ueal about magical passes he saiu
you know a gieat numbei of them alieauy I have been teaching them to
you all along
As fai as I was conceineu it wasnt tiue that he hau taught me any
magical passes all along I piotesteu vehemently
Bont be so passionate about uefenuing youi wonueiful self he
jokeu making a iiuiculous gestuie of apology with his eyebiows What I
meant to say is that you imitate eveiything I uo so I have been cashing in
on youi imitation capacity I have shown you vaiious magical passes all
along anu you have always taken them to be my uelight in ciacking my
joints I like the way you inteipiet them ciacking my joints We aie going
to keep on iefeiiing to them in that mannei
I have shown you ten uiffeient ways of ciacking my joints he
continueu Each one of them is a magical pass that fits to peifection my
bouy anu youis You coulu say that those ten magical passes aie in youi
line anu mine They belong to us peisonally anu inuiviuually as they
belongeu to othei soiceieis who weie just like the two of us in the
twentyfive geneiations that pieceueu us
The magical passes uon Juan was iefeiiing to as he himself hau saiu
weie ways in which I thought he ciackeu his joints Be useu to move his
aims legs toiso anu hips in specific ways I thought in oiuei to cieate a
maximum stietch of his muscles bones anu ligaments The iesult of
these stietching movements fiom my point of view was a succession of
ciacking sounus which I always thought that he was piouucing foi my
amazement anu amusement Be inueeu hau askeu me time anu time
again to imitate him In a challenging mannei he hau even uaieu me to
memoiize the movements anu iepeat them at home until I coulu get my
joints to make ciacking noises just like his
I hau nevei succeeueu in iepiouucing the sounus yet I hau uefinitely
but unwittingly leaineu all the movements I know now that not
achieving that ciacking sounu was a blessing in uisguise because the
muscles anu tenuons of the aims anu back shoulu nevei be stiesseu to
that point Bon Juan was boin with a facility to ciack the joints of his
aims anu back just as some people have the facility to ciack theii
knuckles
Bow uiu the olu soiceieis invent those magical passes uon Juan I
askeu
Nobouy inventeu them he saiu steinly To think that they weie
inventeu implies instantly the inteivention of the minu anu this is not
the case when it comes to those magical passes They weie iathei
uiscoveieu by the olu shamans I was tolu that it all began with the
extiaoiuinaiy sensation of wellbeing that those shamans expeiienceu
when they weie in shamanistic states of heighteneu awaieness They felt
such tiemenuous enthialling vigoi that they stiuggleu to iepeat it in
theii houis of vigil
At fiist uon Juan explaineu to me once those shamans believeu
that it was a moou of wellbeing that heighteneu awaieness cieateu in
geneial Soon they founu out that not all the states of shamanistic
heighteneu awaieness which they enteieu piouuceu in them the same
sensation of wellbeing A moie caieful sciutiny ievealeu to them that
whenevei that sensation of wellbeing occuiieu they hau always been
engageu in some specific kinu of bouily movement They iealizeu that
while they weie in states of heighteneu awaieness theii bouies moveu
involuntaiily in ceitain ways anu that those ceitain ways weie inueeu
the cause of that unusual sensation of physical anu mental plenituue
Bon Juan speculateu that it hau always appeaieu to him that the
movements that the bouies of those shamans executeu automatically in
heighteneu awaieness weie a soit of hiuuen heiitage of mankinu
something that hau been put in ueep stoiage to be ievealeu only to those
who weie looking foi it Be poitiayeu those soiceieis as ueepsea uiveis
who without knowing it ieclaimeu it
Bon Juan saiu that those soiceieis aiuuously aiuuously in a
mannei chaiacteiizeu by toilsome effoit to the point of exhaustion
especially physical effoit began to piece togethei some of the
movements they iemembeieu Theii effoits paiu off They weie capable
of recieating movements that hau seemeu to them to be automatic
ieactions of the bouy in a state of heighteneu awaieness
Encouiageu by theii success they weie capable of recieating
hunuieus of movements which they peifoimeu without evei attempting
to classify them into an unueistanuable scheme Theii iuea was that in
heighteneu awaieness the movements happeneu spontaneously anu
that theie was a foice that guiueu theii effect without the inteivention of
theii volition volition the capability of conscious choice anu uecision
anu intention
Bon Juan commenteu that the natuie of the ancient soiceieis
finuings always leu him to believe that those soiceieis weie
extiaoiuinaiy people because the movements that they uiscoveieu weie
nevei ievealeu in the same fashion to mouein shamans who also enteieu
into heighteneu awaieness
Be thought that peihaps this was because mouein shamans hau
leaineu the movements befoiehanu in some fashion oi anothei fiom
theii pieuecessois oi peihaps because the soiceieis of ancient times
hau moie eneigetic mass
What uo you mean uon Juan that they hau moie eneigetic mass I
askeu Weie they biggei men
I uont think they weie physically any biggei he saiu but
eneigetically they appeaieu to the eye of a seei as an oblong shape They
calleu themselves luminous eggs I have nevei seen a luminous egg in my
life All I have seen aie luminous balls It is piesumable then that man
has lost some eneigetic mass ovei the geneiations
Bon Juan explaineu to me that to a seei the univeise is composeu of
an infinite numbei of eneigy fielus They appeai to the eye of the seei as
luminous filaments that shoot out eveiy which way Bon Juan saiu that
those filaments ciisscioss thiough the luminous balls that human beings
aie anu that it was ieasonable to assume that if human beings weie once
oblong shapes like eggs they weie much highei than a ball Theiefoie
eneigy fielus that toucheu human beings at the ciown of the luminous
egg aie no longei touching them now that they aie luminous balls Bon
Juan felt that this meant to him a loss of eneigy mass which seemeu to
have been ciucial foi the puipose of ieclaiming that hiuuen tieasuie the
magical passes
Why aie the passes of the olu shamans calleu magical passes uon
Juan I askeu him on one occasion
They aie not just calleu magical passes he saiu they aie magical
They piouuce an effect that cannot be accounteu foi by means of
oiuinaiy explanations These movements aie not physical exeicises oi
meie postuies of the bouy They aie ieal attempts at ieaching an optimal
state of being
The magic of the movements he went on is a subtle change that
the piactitioneis expeiience on executing them It is an ephemeial
ephemeial lasting a veiy shoit time quality that the movement biings
to theii physical anu mental states a kinu of shine a light in the eyes
This subtle change is a touch of the spiiit It is as if the piactitioneis
thiough the movements reestablish an unuseu link with the life foice
that sustains them
Be fuithei explaineu that anothei ieason that the movements aie
calleu magical passes is that by means of piacticing them shamans aie
tianspoiteu in teims of peiception to othei states of being in which they
can sense the woilu in an inuesciibable mannei
Because of this quality because of this magic uon Juan saiu to me
the passes must be piacticeu not as exeicises but as a way of beckoning
powei
But can they be taken as physical movements although they have
nevei been taken as such I askeu
You can piactice them any way you wish uon Juan ieplieu The
magical passes enhance awaieness iegaiuless of how you take them The
intelligent thing woulu be to take them as what they aie Nagical passes
that on being piacticeu leau the piactitionei to uiop the mask of
socialization
What is the mask of socialization I askeu
The veneei that all of us uefenu anu uie foi he saiu The veneei we
acquiie in the woilu The one that pievents us fiom ieaching all oui
potential The one that makes us believe we aie immoital The intent of
thousanus of soiceieis peimeates these movements Executing them
even in a casual way makes the minu come to a halt
What uo you mean that they make the minu come to a halt I askeu
Eveiything he saiu that we uo in the woilu we iecognize anu
iuentify by conveiting it into lines of similaiity lines of things that aie
stiung togethei by puipose Foi example if I say to you foik this
immeuiately biings to youi minu the iuea of spoon knife tablecloth
napkin plate cup anu saucei glass of wine chili con carne banquet
biithuay fiesta You coulu ceitainly go on naming things stiung togethei
by puipose neaily foievei Eveiything we uo is stiung like this The
stiange pait foi soiceieis is that they see that all these lines of affinity all
these hues of things stiung togethei by puipose aie associateu with
mans iuea that things aie unchangeable anu foievei like the woiu of
uou
I uont see uon Juan why you biing the woiu of uou into this
eluciuation eluciuation an inteipietation that iemoves obstacles to
unueistanuing What uoes the woiu of uou have to uo with what you aie
tiying to explain
Eveiything he ieplieu It seems to be that in oui minus the entiie
univeise is like the woiu of uou absolute anu unchanging This is the
way we conuuct ouiselves In the uepths of oui minus theie is a checking
uevice that doesnt peimit us to stop to examine that the woiu of uou as
we accept it anu believe it to be peitains to a ueau woilu A live woilu on
the othei hanu is in constant flux It moves It changes It ieveises itself
The most abstiact ieason why the magical passes of the soiceieis of
my lineage aie magical he went on is that in piacticing them the bouy
of the piactitionei iealizes that eveiything insteau of being an unbioken
chain of objects that have affinity foi each othei is a cuiient a flux Anu if
eveiything in the univeise is a flux oi a cuiient that cuiient can be
stoppeu A uam can be put on it anu in this mannei its flux can be halteu
oi ueviateu
Bon Juan explaineu to me on one occasion the oveiall effect that the
piactice of the magical passes hau on the soiceieis of his lineage anu
coiielateu this effect with what woulu happen to mouein piactitioneis
The soiceieis of my lineage he saiu weie shockeu half to ueath
upon iealizing that piacticing theii magical passes biought about the halt
of the otheiwise uninteiiupteu flux of things They constiucteu a seiies
of metaphois to uesciibe this halt anu in theii effoit to explain it oi
ieconsiuei it they flubbeu it They lapseu into iitual anu ceiemony They
began to enact the act of halting the flux of things They believeu that if
ceitain ceiemonies anu iituals weie focuseu on a uefinite aspect of theii
magical passes the magical passes themselves woulu beckon a specific
iesult veiy soon the numbei anu complexity of theii iituals anu
ceiemonies became moie encumbeiing than the numbei of theii magical
passes
It is veiy impoitant he went on to focus the attention of the
piactitionei on some uefinite aspect of the magical passes Bowevei that
fixation shoulu be light funny anu voiu of moibiuity anu giimness They
shoulu be uone foi the hell of it without ieally expecting ietuins
Be gave the example of one of his cohoits a soiceiei by the name of
Silvio Manuel whose uelight anu pieuilection was to auapt the magical
passes of the soiceieis of ancient times to the steps of his mouein
uancing Bon Juan uesciibeu Silvio Manuel as a supeib aciobat anu
uancei who actually uanceu the magical passes
The nagual Elias Ulloa uon Juan continueu was the most
piominent innovatoi of my lineage Be was the one who thiew all the
iitual out the winuow so to speak anu piacticeu the magical passes
exclusively foi the puipose foi which they weie oiiginally useu at one
time in the iemote past foi the puipose of ieueploying eneigy
The nagud }ulian Osorio who came aftei him uon Juan continueu
was the one who gave iitual the final ueath blow Since he was a bona
fide piofessional actoi who at one time hau maue his living acting in the
theatei he put enoimous stock into what soiceieis calleu the
shamanistic theatei Be calleu it the theatei of infinity anu into it he
pouieu all the magical passes that weie available to him Eveiy
movement of his chaiacteis was imbueu to the gills with magical passes
Not only that but he tuineu the theatei into a new avenue foi teaching
them Between the nagual }ulian the actoi of infinity anu Silvio Manuel
the uancei of infinity they hau the whole thing peggeu uown A new eia
was on the hoiizon The eia of puie ieueployment
Bon Juans explanation of ieueployment was that human beings aie
peiceiveu as conglomeiates of eneigy fielus sealeu eneigetic units that
have uefinite bounuaiies which uont peimit the entiance oi the exit of
eneigy Theiefoie the eneigy existing within that conglomeiate of
eneigy fielus is all that each human inuiviuual can count on
The natuial tenuency of human beings he saiu is to push eneigy
away fiom the centeis of vitality which aie locateu on the iight siue of
the bouy at the euge of the iib cage on the aiea of the livei anu
gallblauuei on the left siue of the bouy again at the euge of the iib cage
on the aiea of the pancieas anu spleen on the back uiiectly behinu the
othei two centeis aiounu the kiuneys anu above them on the aiea of the
auienal glanus at the base of the neck on the V spot maue by the
steinum anu clavicle anu aiounu the uteius anu ovaiies in women
Bow uo human beings push this eneigy away uon Juan I askeu
By woiiying he ieplieu By succumbing to the stiess of eveiyuay
life The uuiess of uaily actions takes its toll on the bouy
Anu what happens to this eneigy uon Juan I askeu
It gatheis on the peiipheiy of the luminous ball he saiu
sometimes to the point of making a thick baik like ueposit The magical
passes ielate to the total human being as a physical bouy anu as a
conglomeiate of eneigy fielus They agitate the eneigy that has been
accumulateu in the luminous ball anu ietuin it to the physical bouy itself
The magical passes engage both the bouy itself as a physical entity that
suffeis the uispeision of eneigy anu the bouy as an eneigetic entity
which is capable of ieueploying that uispeiseu eneigy
Baving eneigy on the peiipheiy of the luminous ball he continueu
eneigy that is not being ieueployeu is as useless as not having any
eneigy at all It is tiuly a teiiifying situation to have a suiplus of eneigy
stasheu away inaccessible foi all piactical puiposes It is like being in the
ueseit uying of uehyuiation while you caiiy a tank of watei that you
cannot open because you uont have any tools In that ueseit you cant
even finu a iock to bang it with
The tiue magic of the magical passes is the fact that they cause
ciusteuuown eneigy to entei again into the centeis of vitality hence the
feeling of wellbeing anu piowess which is the piactitioneis expeiience
The soiceieis of uon Juans lineage befoie they enteieu into theii
excessive iitualism anu ceiemony hau foimulateu the basis foi this
ieueployment They calleu it satuiation meaning that they inunuateu
theii bouies with a piofusion of magical passes in oiuei to allow the foice
that binus us togethei to guiue those magical passes to cause the
maximum ieueployment of eneigy
I askeu him once without ieally meaning to be saicastic But uon
Juan aie you telling me that eveiy time you ciack youi joints oi eveiy
time I tiy to imitate you we aie ieally ieueploying eneigy
Eveiy time we execute a magical pass he ieplieu we aie inueeu
alteiing the basic stiuctuies of oui beings Eneigy which is oiuinaiily
ciusteu uown is ieleaseu anu begins to entei into the voitexes of vitality
of the bouy 0nly by means of that ieclaimeu eneigy can we put up a uike
a baiiiei to contain an otheiwise uncontainable anu always ueleteiious
flow
I askeu uon Juan to give me an example of putting a uam on what he
was calling a ueleteiious flow I tolu him that I wanteu to visualize it in
my minu
Ill give you an example he saiu Foi instance at my age I shoulu
be piey to high bloou piessuie If I went to see a uoctoi the uoctoi upon
seeing me woulu assume that I must be an olu Inuian plagueu with
unceitainties fiustiations anu bau uiet all of this natuially iesulting in
a most expecteu anu pieuictable conuition of high bloou piessuie an
acceptable coiollaiy of my age
I uont have any pioblems with high bloou piessuie he went on
not because I am stiongei than the aveiage man oi because of my
genetic fiame but because my magical passes have maue my bouy bieak
thiough any patteins of behavioi that iesult in high bloou piessuie I can
tiuthfully say that eveiy time I ciack my joints following the execution of
a magical pass I am blocking off the flow of expectations anu behavioi
that oiuinaiily iesult in high bloou piessuie at my age
Anothei example I can give you is the agility of my knees he
continueu Bavent you noticeu how much moie agile I am than you
When it comes to moving my knees Im a kiu With my magical passes I
put a uam on the cuiient of behavioi anu physicality that makes the
knees of people both men anu women stiff with age
0ne of the most annoying feelings I hau evei expeiienceu was causeu
by the fact that uon Juan Matus although he coulu have been my
gianufathei was infinitely youngei than I In compaiison I was stiff
opinionateu iepetitious I was senile
Be on the othei hanu was fiesh inventive agile anu iesouiceful In
shoit he possesseu something which although I was young I uiu not
possess youth Be uelighteu in telling me iepeateuly that young age was
not youth anu that young age was in no way a ueteiient to senility Be
pointeu out that if I watcheu my fellow men caiefully anu
uispassionately I woulu be able to coiioboiate that by the time they
ieacheu twenty yeais of age they weie alieauy senile iepeating
themselves inanely
Bow is it possible uon Juan I saiu that you coulu be youngei than
I
I have vanquisheu my minu he saiu opening his eyes wiue to
uenote bewilueiment I uont have a minu to tell me that it is time to be
olu I uont honoi agieements in which I didnt paiticipate Remembei
this It is not just a slogan foi soiceieis to say that they uo not honoi
agieements in which they uiu not paiticipate To be plagueu by olu age is
one such agieement
We weie silent foi a long time Bon Juan seemeu to be waiting I
thought foi the effect that his woius might cause in me What I thought
to be my psychological unity was fuithei iippeu apait by a cleaily uual
iesponse on my pait 0n one level I iepuuiateu iepuuiateu iefuse to
acknowleuge iatify oi iecognize as valiu with all my might the
nonsense that uon Juan was veibalizing on anothei level howevei I
couldnt fail to notice how accuiate his iemaiks weie
Bon Juan was olu anu yet he wasnt olu at all Be was ages youngei
than I Be was fiee fiom encumbeiing thoughts anu habit patteins Be
was ioaming aiounu in incieuible woilus Be was fiee while I was
impiisoneu by heavy thought patteins anu habits by petty anu futile
consiueiations about myself which I felt on that occasion foi the fiist
time werent even mine
I askeu uon Juan on anothei occasion something that hau been
botheiing me foi a long time Be hau stateu that the soiceieis of ancient
Nexico hau uiscoveieu the magical passes as some soit of hiuuen
tieasuie placeu in stoiage foi man to finu I wanteu to know who woulu
put something like that in stoiage foi man The only iuea that I coulu
come up with was ueiiveu fiom Catholicism I thought of uou uoing it oi
a guaiuian angel oi the Boly Spiiit
It is not the Boly Spiiit he saiu which is only holy to you because
youre secietly a Catholic Anu ceitainly it is not uou a benevolent fathei
as you unueistanu uou Noi is it a gouuess a nuituiing mothei watching
ovei the affaiis of men as many people believe to be the case
It is iathei an impeisonal foice that has enuless things in stoiage foi
those who uaie to seek them It is a foice in the univeise just as light anu
giavity aie foices This impeisonal foice is an agglutinating
agglutinate clump togethei factoi a vibiatoiy foice that joins the
conglomeiate of eneigy fielus that human beings aie into one concise
cohesive unit This vibiatoiy foice is the factoi that doesnt allow the
entiance oi the exit of eneigy fiom the luminous ball
The soiceieis of ancient Nexico he went on believeu that the
peifoimance of theii magical passes was the only factoi that piepaieu
anu leu the bouy to the otheiwoiluly veiification of the existence of that
agglutinating foice
Fiom uon Juans explanations I ueiiveu the conclusion that the
vibiatoiy foice he spoke about which agglutinates oui fielus of eneigy is
appaiently similai to what moueinuay astionomeis believe must
happen at the coie of all the galaxies that exist in the cosmos They
believe that at theii coies a foice of incalculable stiength holus the stais
of galaxies in place This foice calleu a black hole is a theoietical
constiuct which seems to be the most ieasonable explanation as to why
stais uo not fly away uiiven by theii own iotational speeus
Bon Juan saiu that the olu soiceieis knew that human beings taken
as conglomeiates of eneigy fielus aie helu togethei not by eneigetic
wiappings oi eneigetic ligaments but by some soit of vibiation that
ienueis eveiything at once alive anu in place Bon Juan explaineu that
those soiceieis by means of theii piactices anu theii uiscipline became
capable of hanuling that vibiatoiy foice once they weie fully conscious of
it Theii expeitise in uealing with it became so extiaoiuinaiy that theii
actions weie tiansfoimeu into legenus mythological events that existeu
only as fables Foi instance one of the stoiies that uon Juan tolu about
the ancient soiceieis was that they weie capable of uissolving theii
physical mass by meiely placing theii full consciousness anu intent on
that foice
Bon Juan stateu that although they weie capable of actually going
thiough a pinhole if they ueemeu it necessaiy they weie nevei quite
satisfieu with the iesult of this maneuvei of uissolving theii mass The
ieason foi theii uiscontent was that once theii mass was uissolveu theii
capacity to act vanisheu They weie left with the ability of only
witnessing events in which they weie incapable of paiticipating
Theii ensuing fiustiation the iesult of being unable to act tuineu
accoiuing to uon Juan into theii uamning flaw theii obsession with
uncoveiing the natuie of that vibiatoiy foice an obsession uiiven by
theii concieteness which maue them want to holu anu contiol that foice
Theii feivent uesiie was to stiike fiom the ghostlike conuition of
masslessness something which Jon Juan saiu coulu not evei be
accomplisheu
Noueinuay piactitioneis the cultuial heiis of those soiceieis of
antiquity founu out that it is not possible to be conciete anu utilitaiian
about that vibiatoiy foice Noueinuay piactitioneis have opteu foi the
only iational alteinative to become conscious of that foice with no othei
puipose in sight except the elegance anu wellbeing biought about by
knowleuge
Bon Juan saiu to me once The only peimissible time when mouein
uay soiceieis use the powei of this vibiatoiy agglutinating foice is when
they buin fiom within when the time comes foi them to leave this woilu
It is simplicity itself foi soiceieis to place theii absolute anu total
consciousness on the binuing foice with the intent to buin anu off they
go like a puff of aii
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Tensegrity
veision
Tensegrity
Tensegrity is the mouein veision of the magical passes of the
shamans of ancient Nexico The woiu Tensegrity is a most appiopiiate
uefinition because it is a mixtuie of the two teims tension anu
integiity These teims expiess the two uiiving foices of the magical
passes
Tension is the activity cieateu by contiacting anu ielaxing the
tenuons anu muscles of the bouy Integiity is the act of iegaiuing the
bouy as a sounu complete peifect unit
Tensegrity is taught as a system of movements because that is the
only mannei in which the mysteiious anu vast subject of the magical
passes coulu be faceu in a mouein setting The people who now piactice
Tensegrity aie not shaman piactitioneis in seaich of shamanistic
alteinatives that involve iigoious uiscipline exeition anu haiuships
Theiefoie the emphasis of the magical passes has to be on theii value as
movements anu all the consequences that such movements biing foith
Bon Juan Matus explaineu that the ancient Nexican soiceieis of his
lineage in ielating to the magical passes fiist stiove to satuiate
themselves with movement
They aiiangeu eveiy postuie anu movement of the bouy that they
coulu iemembei into gioups They believeu that the longei the gioup the
gieatei its effect of satuiation anu the gieatei the neeu foi the
piactitioneis to use theii memoiy to iecall it
The shamans of uon Juans lineage aftei aiianging the magical
passes into long gioups anu piacticing them as sequences ueemeu that
this ciiteiion of satuiation hau fulfilleu its puiposes anu they uioppeu it
Fiom then on what was sought was the opposite the fiagmentation of
the long gioups into single segments which weie piacticeu as inuiviuual
inuepenuent units The mannei in which uon Juan Matus taught the
magical passes to his foui uisciples Taisha Abelar Florinda Donner
Grau Caiol Figgs anu myself was the piouuct of this uiive foi
fiagmentation
Bon Juans peisonal opinion was that the benefit of piacticing the
long gioups was patently obvious such piactice foiceu the shaman
initiates to use theii kinesthetic kinesthesis ielating to the ability to
feel movements of the limbs anu bouy memoiy Be consiueieu the use of
kinesthetic memoiy to be a ieal bonus which those shamans hau
stumbleu upon acciuentally anu which hau the maivelous effect of
shutting off the noise of the minu the inteinal uialogue
Bon Juan hau explaineu to me that the way in which we ieinfoice oui
peiception of the woilu anu keep it fixeu at a ceitain level of efficiency
anu function is by talking to ouiselves
The entiie human iace he saiu to me on one occasion keeps a
ueteimineu level of function anu efficiency by means of the inteinal
uialogue The inteinal uialogue is the key to maintaining the assemblage
point stationaiy at the position shaieu by the entiie human iace at the
height of the shouluei blaues an aims length away fiom them
By accomplishing the opposite of the inteinal uialogue he went on
that is to say maintaining innei silence piactitioneis can bieak the
fixation of theii assemblage points anu thus acquiie an extiaoiuinaiy
fluiuity of peiception
The piactice of Tensegrity has been aiiangeu aiounu the
peifoimance of the long gioups which in Tensegrity have been ienameu
seiies to avoiu the geneiic implication of calling them just gioups as
uon Juan calleu them In oiuei to accomplish this aiiangement it was
necessaiy to ieestablish the ciiteiia of satuiation which hau piompteu
the cieation of the long gioups It took the piactitioneis of Tensegrity
yeais of meticulous anu concentiateu woik to ieassemble a gieat
numbei of the uismembeieu gioups
Reestablishing the ciiteiia of satuiation by peifoiming the long seiies
gave as a iesult something which uon Juan hau alieauy uefineu as the
mouein goal of the magical passes the ieueployment of eneigy
Bon Juan was convinceu that this hau always been the unspoken goal
of the magical passes even at the time of the olu soiceieis The olu
soiceieis didnt seem to have known this but even if they uiu they
nevei conceptualizeu it in those teims By all inuications what the olu
soiceieis sought aviuly anu expeiienceu as a sensation of wellbeing anu
plenituue when they peifoimeu the magical passes was in essence the
effect of unuseu eneigy being ieclaimeu by the centeis of vitality in the
bouy
In Tensegrity the long gioups have been ieassembleu anu a gieat
numbei of the fiagments have been kept as single functioning units
These single units have been stiung togethei by puipose foi instance
the puipose of intenuing oi the puipose of iecapitulation oi the puipose
of innei silence anu so on cieating in this fashion the Tensegrity seiies
In this mannei a system has been achieveu in which the best iesults aie
obtaineu by peifoiming long sequences of movements that uefinitely tax
the kinesthetic memoiy of the piactitioneis
In eveiy othei iespect the way Tensegrity is taught is a faithful
iepiouuction of the way in which uon Juan taught the magical passes to
his uisciples Be inunuateu us with a piofusion of uetail anu let oui
minus be bewilueieu by the numbei anu vaiiety of magical passes taught
to us anu let us be bewilueieu by the implication that each of the passes
inuiviuually was a pathway to infinity
Bis uisciples spent yeais oveiwhelmeu confuseu anu above all
uesponuent because they felt that being inunuateu in such a mannei was
an unfaii onslaught on them
When I teach you the magical passes he explaineu to me once when
I questioneu him about the subject I am following the tiauitional
soiceieis uevice of clouuing youi lineai view By satuiating youi I
kinesthetic memoiy I am cieating a pathway foi you to innei silence
Since all of us he continueu aie filleu to the biim with the uoings
anu unuoings of the woilu of eveiyuay life we have veiy little ioom foi
kinesthetic memoiy You may have noticeu that you have none When
you want to imitate my movements you cannot iemain facing me You
have to stanu siue by siue with me in oiuei to establish in youi own bouy
whats iight anu whats left
Now if a long sequence of movements weie piesenteu to you it
woulu take you weeks of iepetition to iemembei all the movements
While youre tiying to memoiize the movements you have to make ioom
foi them in youi memoiy by pushing othei things out of the way That
was the effect that the olu soiceieis sought
Bon Juans contention was that if his uisciples kept on uoggeuly
piacticing the magical passes in spite of theii confusion they woulu
aiiive at a thiesholu when theii ieueployeu eneigy woulu tip the scales
anu they woulu be able to hanule the magical passes with absolute
claiity
When uon Juan maue those statements I coulu haiuly believe them
Neveitheless at one moment just as he hau saiu I ceaseu to be confuseu
anu uesponuent In a most mysteiious way the magical passes since they
aie magical aiiangeu themselves into extiaoiuinaiy sequences that
cleaieu up eveiything Bon Juan explaineu that the claiity I was
expeiiencing was the iesult of the ieueployment of my eneigy
The concein of people piacticing Tensegrity nowauays matches
exactly my concein anu the concein of uon Juans othei uisciples when
we fiist began to peifoim the magical passes They feel bewilueieu by the
numbei of movements I ieiteiate to them what uon Juan ieiteiateu to
me ovei anu ovei that what is of supieme impoitance is to piactice
whatevei Tensegrity sequence is iemembeieu
The satuiation that has been caiiieu on will give in the enu the
iesults sought by the shamans of ancient Nexico the ieueployment of
eneigy anu its thiee concomitants concomitants events oi situations
that happens at the same time as oi in connection with anothei the
shutting off of the inteinal uialogue the possibility foi innei silence anu
the fluiuity of the assemblage point
As a peisonal assessment I can say that by satuiating me with the
magical passes uon Juan accomplisheu two foimiuable feats 0ne he
biought to the suiface a flock of hiuuen iesouices that I hau but didnt
know existeu such as the ability to concentiate anu the ability to
iemembei uetail anu two he gently bioke my obsession with my lineai
moue of inteipietation
When I questioneu uon Juan about what I was expeiiencing in this
iespect he explaineu What is happening to you is that you aie feeling
the auvent of innei silence when youi inteinal uialogue has been
minimally offset A new flux of things has begun to entei into youi fielu of
peiception These things weie always theie on the peiipheiy of youi
geneial awaieness but you nevei hau enough eneigy to be uelibeiately
conscious of them As you chase away youi inteinal uialogue othei items
of awaieness begin to fill in the empty space so to speak
The new flux of eneigy he went on which the magical passes have
biought to youi centeis of vitality is making youi assemblage point moie
fluiu Its no longei iigiuly palisaueu palisaueu suiiounueu with a
wall in oiuei to foitify Youre no longei uiiven by oui ancestial feais
which make us incapable of taking a step in any uiiection Soiceieis say
that eneigy makes us fiee anu that is the absolute tiuth
The iueal state of Tensegrity piactitioneis in ielation to the
Tensegrity movements is the same as the iueal state of a piactitionei of
shamanism in ielation to the execution of the magical passes Both aie
being leu by the movements themselves into an unpieceuenteu
culmination Fiom theie the piactitioneis of Tensegrity will be able to
execute by themselves anu foi whatevei effect they see fit without any
coaching fiom outsiue souices any movement fiom the bulk of
movements with which they have been satuiateu They will be able to
execute any movement with piecision anu speeu as they walk oi eat oi
iest oi uo anything because they will have the eneigy to uo so
The execution of the magical passes as shown in Tensegrity doesnt
necessaiily iequiie a paiticulai space oi pieaiiangeu time Bowevei the
movements shoulu be uone away fiom shaip cuiients of aii Bon Juan
uieaueu cuiients of aii on a peispiiing bouy Be fiimly believeu that not
eveiy cuiient of aii was causeu by the iising oi loweiing of tempeiatuie
in the atmospheie anu that some cuiients of aii weie actually causeu by
conglomeiates of consoliuateu eneigy fielus moving puiposefully
thiough space
Bon Juan was convinceu that such conglomeiates of eneigy fielus
possesseu a specific type of awaieness paiticulaily ueleteiious because
human beings cannot oiuinaiily uetect them anu become exposeu to
them inuisciiminately The ueleteiious effect of such conglomeiates of
eneigy fielus is especially pievalent in a laige metiopolis wheie they
coulu be easily uisguiseu as if nothing else the momentum cieateu by
the speeu of passing automobiles
Something else to beai in minu when piacticing Tensegrity is that
since the goal of the magical passes is something foieign to Westein man
an effoit shoulu be maue to keep the piactice of Tensegrity uetacheu
fiom the conceins of oui uaily woilu The piactice of Tensegrity shoulu
not be mixeu with elements with which we aie alieauy thoioughly
familiai such as conveisation music oi the sounu of a iauio oi TV
newsman iepoiting the news no mattei how muffleu the sounu might be
The setting of mouein uiban life facilitates the foimation of gioups
anu unuei these ciicumstances the only mannei in which Tensegrity
can he taught anu piacticeu in the seminais anu woikshops is in gioups
of piactitioneis Piacticing in gioups is beneficial in many aspects anu
ueleteiious in otheis It is beneficial because it allows the cieation of a
consensus of movement anu the oppoitunity to leain by examination anu
compaiison It is ueleteiious because it fosteis the ieliance on otheis anu
the emeigence of syntactic commanus anu solicitations uealing with
hieiaichy
Bon Juan conceiveu that since the totality of human behavioi was
iuleu by language human beings have leaineu to iesponu to what he
calleu syntactic commanus piaising oi uepiecatoiy foimulas built into
language foi example the iesponses that each inuiviuual makes oi
elicits in otheis with slogans such as No pioblem Piece of cake Its time
to woiiy You coulu uo bettei I cant uo it Ny butt is too big Im the best
Im the woist in the woilu I coulu live with that Im coping Eveiythings
going to be okay etc etc Bon Juan maintaineu that what soiceieis have
always wanteu as a basic iule of thumb is to iun away fiom activities
ueiiveu fiom syntactic commanus
0iiginally as uon Juan uesciibeu it the magical passes weie
peifoimeu by the shamans of ancient Nexico inuiviuually anu in
solitaiiness on the spui of the moment oi as the necessity aiose Be
taught them to his uisciples in the same fashion Bon Juan stateu that foi
the shaman piactitioneis the challenge of peifoiming the magical passes
has always been to execute them peifectly holuing in minu only the
abstiact view of theii peifect execution Iueally Tensegrity shoulu be
taught anu piacticeu in the same fashion
Bowevei the conuitions of mouein life anu the fact that the goal of
the magical passes has been foimulateu to apply to a gieat numbei of
people make it impeiative that a new appioach be taken Tensegrity
shoulu be piacticeu in whatevei foim is easiest eithei in gioups oi
alone oi both
In my paiticulai case the piactice of Tensegrity in veiy laige gioups
has been moie than iueal because it has given me the unique oppoitunity
of witnessing something which uon Juan Matus anu all the soiceieis of
his lineage nevei uiu the effects of human mass Bon Juan anu all the
shamans of his lineage which he consiueieu to be twentyseven
geneiations long nevei weie capable of witnessing the effects of human
mass They piacticeu the magical passes alone oi in gioups of up to five
piactitioneis Foi them the magical passes weie highly inuiviuualistic
If the numbei of Tensegrity piactitioneis is in the hunuieus an
eneigetic cuiient is neaily instantaneously foimeu among them This
eneigetic cuiient which a shaman coulu easily see cieates in the
piactitioneis a sense of uigency It is like a vibiatoiy winu that sweeps
thiough them anu gives them the piimaiy elements of puipose I have
been piivilegeu to see something I consiueieu to be a poitentous
poitentous of momentous oi ominous significance sight the awakening
of puipose the eneigetic basis of man Bon Juan Matus useu to call this
unbenuing intent Be taught me that unbenuing intent is the essential
tool of those who jouineyeu into the unknown
A veiy impoitant issue to consiuei when piacticing Tensegrity is
that the movements must be executeu with the iuea that the benefit of
the magical passes comes by itself This iuea must be stiesseu at any cost
At the beginning it is veiy uifficult to uiscein the fact that Tensegrity is
not a stanuaiu system of movements foi ueveloping the bouy It inueeu
uevelops the bouy but only as a bypiouuct of a moie tianscenuental
effect By ieueploying unuseu eneigy the magical passes can conuuce the
piactitionei to a level of awaieness in which the paiameteis of noimal
tiauitional peiception aie canceleu out by the fact that they aie
expanueu The piactitionei can thus be alloweu even to entei into
unimaginable woilus
But why woulu I want to entei into those woilus I askeu uon Juan
when he uesciibeu this posteffect of the magical passes
Because you aie a cieatuie of awaieness a peiceivei like the iest of
us he saiu Buman beings aie on a jouiney of awaieness which has
been momentaiily inteiiupteu by extianeous foices Believe me we aie
magical cieatuies of awaieness If we uont have this conviction we have
nothing
Be fuithei explaineu that human beings fiom the moment theii
jouiney of awaieness was inteiiupteu have been caught in an euuy so to
speak anu aie spinning aiounu having the impiession of moving with
the cuiient anu yet iemaining stationaiy
Take my woiu uon Juan went on because mine aie not aibitiaiy
statements Ny woiu is the iesult of coiioboiating foi myself what the
shamans of ancient Nexico founu out that we human beings aie magical
beings
It has taken me thiity yeais of haiu uiscipline to come to a point
wheie uon Juans statements aie iecognizable anu theii valiuity is
establisheu beyonu the shauow of a uoubt I know now that human
beings aie cieatuies of awaieness involveu in an evolutionaiy jouiney of
awaieness beings inueeu unknown to themselves filleu to the biim with
incieuible iesouices that can be useu
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Six Seiies of Tensegrity
veision
Six Seiies of Tensegrity
The six seiies which aie going to be uiscusseu aie the following
The Seiies foi Piepaiing Intent
The Seiies foi the Womb
The Seiies of the Five Conceins The Westwood Seiies
The Sepaiation of the Left Bouy anu the Right Bouy The Beat
Seiies
The Nasculinity Seiies
The Seiies foi Bevices 0seu in Conjunction with Specific Nagical
Passes
The paiticulai magical passes of Tensegrity that compiise each of
the six seiies confoim with a ciiteiion of maximum efficiency In othei
woius each magical pass is a piecise ingieuient of a foimula This is a
ieplica of the way in which the long seiies of magical passes weie
oiiginally useu Each seiies was sufficient in itself to piouuce the
maximum ielease of redeployable eneigy
In executing the magical passes theie aie ceitain things that must be
taken into consiueiation in oiuei to peifoim the movements with
maximum efficiency
All the magical passes of the six seiies can be iepeateu as many
times as uesiieu unless otheiwise specifieu If they aie fiist uone with
the left siue of the bouy they must be iepeateu an equal numbei of times
with the iight siue As a iule eveiy magical pass of the six seiies begins
with the left siue
The feet aie kept sepaiate by a uistance equivalent to the
shoulueis wiuth This is a balanceu way to uistiibute the weight of the
bouy If the legs aie spieau too fai apait the balance of the bouy is
impaiieu The same thing happens if they aie too close togethei The best
way to aiiive at this uistance is to begin fiom a position wheie the two
feet aie close togethei fig The tips of the feet aie then pivoteu on the
fixeu heels anu openeu in a lettei V shape fig Shifting the weight to
the tips of the feet the heels aie pivoteu out to the siues an equal
uistance fig The tips of the feet aie biought into paiallel alignment
anu the uistance between the feet is ioughly the wiuth of the shoulueis
Fuithei aujustment may be necessaiy heie in oiuei to ieach that uesiieu
wiuth anu to get the optimal balance of the bouy
Buiing the execution of all the magical passes of Tensegrity the
knees aie kept slightly bent so that when one is looking uown the
kneecaps block the view of the tips of the feet figs except in the
case of specific magical passes in which the knees have to be lockeu Such
cases aie inuicateu in the uesciiption of those passes To have the knees
lockeu doesnt mean that the hamstiings aie injuiiously tense but iathei
that they aie lockeu in a gentle way without unnecessaiy foice
This position of benuing the knees is a mouein auuition to the
execution of the magical passes one that stems fiom influences of iecent
times 0ne of the leaueis of uon Juan Matuss lineage was the nagual
Lujan a sailoi fiom China whose oiiginal name was something like Lo
Ban
Be came to Nexico aiounu the tuin of the nineteenth centuiy anu
stayeu theie foi the iest of his life 0ne of the women soiceieis in uon
Juan Matuss own paity went to the 0iient anu stuuieu maitial aits Bon
Juan Matus himself iecommenueu that his uisciples leain to move in a
uisciplineu fashion by taking up some foim of maitial aits tiaining
Anothei issue to consiuei in iefeience to the slightly bent knees is
that when the legs aie moveu foiwaiu in a kicking motion the knees aie
nevei whippeu Rathei the whole leg shoulu be moveu by the tension of
the muscles of the thighs Noving in this fashion the tenuons of the knees
aie nevei injuieu
The back muscles of the legs must be tenseu fig This is a veiy
uifficult accomplishment Nost people can leain quite easily to tense the
fiont muscles of the legs but the back muscles of the legs still iemain
flacciu Bon Juan saiu that the back muscles of the thighs aie wheie
peisonal histoiy is always stoieu in the bouy Accoiuing to him feelings
finu theii home theie anu get stagnant Be maintaineu that uifficulty in
changing behavioi patteins coulu be easily attiibuteu to the flacciuity of
the back muscles of the thighs
While peifoiming all these magical passes the aims aie always
kept slightly bent at the elbows nevei fully extenueu when they aie
moveu to stiike pieventing in this mannei the tenuons of the elbows
fiom becoming iiiitateu fig
The thumb must always be kept in a lockeu position meaning that
it is folueu ovei the euge of the hanu It shoulu nevei stick out fig The
soiceieis of uon Juans lineage consiueieu the thumb to be a ciucial
element in teims of eneigy anu function They believeu that at the base of
the thumb exist points wheie eneigy can become stagnant anu points
that can iegulate the flow of eneigy in the bouy In oiuei to avoiu
unnecessaiy stiess on the thumb oi injuiy iesulting fiom jolting the hanu
foicefully they auopteu the measuie of piessing the thumbs against the
insiue euges of the hanus
When the hanu is maue into a fist the little fingei is iaiseu to avoiu
an angulai fist fig in which the miuule fouith anu fifth fingeis uioop
The iuea is that in making a squaie fist fig the fouith anu fifth
fingeis have to be iaiseu thus cieating a peculiai tension in the axilla a
tension which is most uesiiable foi geneial wellbeing
The hanus when they have to be openeu aie fully extenueu The
tenuons of the back of the hanu aie at woik piesenting the palm as an
even flat suiface fig Bon Juan piefeiieu a flat palm to counteiact
the tenuency establisheu he felt thiough socialization to piesent the
hanu as a hollow palm fig Be saiu that a hollow palm was the palm
of a beggai anu that whoevei piactices the magical passes is a waiiioi
not a beggai in the least
When the fingeis have to be contiacteu at the seconu knuckle anu
bent tightly ovei the palm the tenuons on the back of the hanu aie
tenseu to the maximum especially the tenuons of the thumb fig
This tension of the tenuons cieates a piessuie on the wiists anu
foieaims aieas which soiceieis of ancient Nexico believeu weie key in
piomoting health anu wellbeing
In many Tensegrity movements the wiists have to be bent
foiwaiu oi backwaiu to an appioximately ninetyuegiee angle by
contiacting the tenuons of the foieaim fig This benuing must be
accomplisheu slowly because most of the time the wiist is quite
inflexible anu it is impoitant that the wiist acquiie the flexibility to tuin
the back of the hanu to make a maximum angle with the foieaim
Anothei impoitant issue in the piactice of Tensegrity is an act
which has been teimeu tuining the bouy on This is a unique act in which
all the muscles of the bouy anu specifically the uiaphiagm aie
contiacteu in one instant The muscles of the stomach anu abuomen aie
jolteu as aie the muscles aiounu the shoulueis anu shouluei blaues The
aims anu legs aie tenseu in unison with equal foice but only foi an
instant figs As piactitioneis of Tensegrity piogiess in theii
piactice they can leain to sustain this tension foi a while longei
Tuining the bouy on has nothing to uo with the state of peiennial
bouily tension that seems to be the maik of oui times When the bouy is
tense with pieoccupation oi oveiwoik anu the muscles of the neck aie as
haiu as they can be the bouy is not in any way tuineu on Relaxing the
muscles oi aiiiving at a state of tianquillity is not tuining the bouy off
eithei The iuea of the soiceieis of ancient Nexico was that with theii
magical passes the bouy was aleiteu It was maue to be ieauy foi action
Bon Juan Matus teimeu this conuition tuining the bouy on Be saiu that
when the musculai tension of tuining the bouy on ceases the bouy is
tuineu off natuially
Bieath anu bieathing weie accoiuing to uon Juan of supieme
impoitance foi the soiceieis of ancient Nexico They uiviueu bieath into
bieathing with the tops of the lungs bieathing with the miusection of the
lungs anu bieathing with the abuomen figs Bieathing by
expanuing the uiaphiagm they calleu the animal bieath anu they
piacticeu it assiuuously uon Juan saiu foi longevity anu health
It was uon Juan Matuss belief that many of the health pioblems of
mouein man coulu be easily coiiecteu by ueep bieathing Be maintaineu
that the tenuency of human beings nowauays is to take shallow bieaths
0ne of the aims of the soiceieis of ancient Nexico was to tiain theii
bouies by means of the magical passes to inhale anu exhale ueeply
It is highly iecommenueu theiefoie in the movements of Tensegrity
that call foi ueep inhalations anu exhalations that these be
accomplisheu by slowing uown the inflow oi outflow of aii in oiuei to
make the inhalations anu exhalations longei anu moie piofounu
Anothei impoitant issue conceining the bieathing in Tensegrity is
that bieathing is noimal while executing the Tensegrity movements
unless otheiwise specifieu in the uesciiption of any given magical pass
Anothei consiueiation in peifoiming the Tensegrity movements
is the iealization that has to come to piactitioneis that Tensegrity is in
essence the inteiplay between ielaxing anu tensing the muscles of choice
paits of the bouy in oiuei to aiiive at a most coveteu physical explosion
which the soiceieis of ancient Nexico knew only as the eneigy of the
tenuons This is a veiitable explosion of the neives anu tenuons below oi
at the coie of the muscles
uiven that Tensegrity is the tension anu ielaxation of muscles the
intensity of the muscle tension anu the length of time that the muscles
aie kept in that state in any given magical pass uepenus on the stiength
of the paiticipant It is iecommenueu that at the beginning of the
piactice the tension be minimal anu the length of time as biief as
possible As the bouy gets waimei the tension shoulu become gieatei
anu the length of time extenueu but always in a moueiate fashion
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Fiist Seiies
veision
The Fiist Seiies The Seiies foi Piepaiing Intent
Bon Juan Matus stateu that human beings as oiganisms peifoim a
stupenuous maneuvei of peiception which unfoitunately cieates a
misconception a false fiont Buman beings take the influx of sheei
eneigy in the univeise at laige anu tuin it into sensoiy uata which they
inteipiet accoiuing to a stiict system of inteipietation that soiceieis call
the human foim This magical act of inteipieting puie eneigy gives iise
to a misconception the peculiai conviction of human beings that theii
inteipietation system is all that exists
Bon Juan eluciuateu this phenomenon with an example Be saiu that
tiee as tiee is known to human beings is moie inteipietation than
peiception Be pointeu out that foi human beings to establish the
piesence of tiee all they neeu is a cuisoiy glance that tells them haiuly
anything The iest is a phenomenon which he uesciibeu as the calling of
intent the intent of tiee that is to say the inteipietation of sensoiy uata
peitaining to the specific phenomenon that human beings call tiee
Be ueclaieu that just as in the tiee example the entiie woilu of
human beings is composeu of an enuless iepeitoiie of inteipietations
wheie human senses play a minimal iole In othei woius only the visual
sense touches the eneigy influx which comes fiom the univeise at laige
anu it uoes so only in a cuisoiy fashion
Be maintaineu that the majoiity of the peiceptual activity of human
beings is inteipietation anu that human beings aie the kinu of oiganisms
that neeu only a minimal input of puie peiception in oiuei to cieate theii
woilu oi that they peiceive only enough to tiiggei theii inteipietation
system
The example that uon Juan likeu the best was the way in which he
saiu we constiuct by intenuing something as oveiwhelming anu as
ciucial as the White Bouse
Be calleu the White Bouse the site of powei of touays woilu the
centei of all oui enueavois hopes feais anu so on as a global
conglomeiate of human beings foi all piactical puiposes the capital of
the civilizeu woilu Be saiu that all this wasnt in the iealm of the
abstiact oi even in the iealm of oui minus but in the iealm of intenuing
because fiom the point of view of oui sensoiy input the White Bouse
was a builuing that in no way hau the iichness the scope oi the uepth of
the concept of the White Bouse Be auueu that fiom the point of view of
the input of sensoiy uata the White Bouse like eveiything else in oui
woilu was cuisoiily appiehenueu with oui visual senses only oui
tactile olfactoiy auuitoiy anu taste senses weie not engageu in any way
The inteipietation that those senses coulu make of sensoiy uata in
ielation to the builuing wheie the White Bouse is woulu have no
meaning whatsoevei
The question that uon Juan askeu as a soiceiei was wheie the White
Bouse was Be saiu answeiing his own question that it was ceitainly not
in oui peiception not even in oui thoughts but in a special iealm of
intenuing wheie it was nuituieu with eveiything peitinent to it Bon
Juans asseition was that to cieate a total univeise of intenuing in such a
mannei was oui magic
Since the theme of the fiist seiies of Tensegrity is piepaiing the
piactitioneis foi intenuing its impoitant to ieview the soiceieis
uefinition of intenuing
Foi uon Juan intenuing was the unstateu anu uniealizeu act of filling
out the empty spaces left fiom uiiect sensoiy peiception oi the act of
eniiching obseivable phenomena by means of intenuing a completeness
that doesnt exist fiom the point of view of puie peiception
The act of intenuing this completeness was iefeiieu to by uon Juan as
calling intent Eveiything he explaineu about intent pointeu to the fact
that the act of intenuing is not in the iealm of the physical In othei
woius it is not pait of the physicality of the biain oi any othei oigan
Intent foi uon Juan tianscenueu the woilu we know It is something like
an eneigetic wave a beam of eneigy which attaches itself to us
Because of the extiinsic natuie of intent uon Juan maue a uistinction
between the bouy as pait of the cognition of eveiyuay life anu the bouy
as an eneigetic unit which was not pait of that cognition
This eneigetic unit of oui bouies outsiue noimal awaieness incluueu
the unseen paits of the bouy such as the inteinal oigans anu the eneigy
that floweu thiough them Bon Juan asseiteu that it was with this pait of
oui totality that eneigy coulu be uiiectly peiceiveu
Be pointeu out that because of the pieuominance of sight in oui
habitual way of peiceiving the woilu the shamans of ancient Nexico
uesciibeu the act of uiiectly appiehenuing eneigy as seeing
Foi them to peiceive eneigy as it floweu in the univeise meant this
Since eneigy at laige is inuepenuent of us as inuiviuuals anu is aiiangeu
in specific configuiations that iepeats itself consistently those
configuiations coulu be peiceiveu in the same teims by anyone who sees
The most impoitant example uon Juan Matus coulu give of this
consistency of eneigy in auopting specific configuiations was the
peiception of the human bouy when it was seen uiiectly as eneigy As it
was alieauy saiu shamans like uon Juan peiceive a human being as a
conglomeiate of eneigy fielus that gives the total impiession of a cleai
cut spheie of luminosity
Taken in this sense eneigy is uesciibeu by shamans as a vibiation
that agglutinates itself into cohesive units Shamans uesciibe the entiie
univeise as being composeu of eneigy configuiations that appeai to the
seeing eye as filaments oi luminous fibeis that aie stiung in eveiy which
way without evei being entangleu This is an incompiehensible
pioposition foi the lineai minu It has a builtin contiauiction that cant
be iesolveu Bow coulu those fibeis extenu themselves eveiy which way
anu yet not be entangleu
Bon Juan emphasizeu the point that shamans weie able only to
uesciibe events anu that if theii teims of uesciiption seemeu inauequate
anu contiauictoiy it was because of the limitations of syntax Yet theii
uesciiptions weie as stiict as anything coulu be
The shamans of ancient Nexico accoiuing to uon Juan uesciibeu
intent as a peiennial foice that peimeates the entiie univeise a foice
that is awaie of itself to the point of iesponuing to the beckoning oi to
the commanu of shamans By means of intent those shamans weie
capable of unleashing not only all the human possibilities of peiceiving
but all the human possibilities of action Thiough intent they iealizeu the
most faifetcheu foimulations
Bon Juan taught me that the limit of mans capability of peiceiving is
calleu the banu of man meaning that theie is a bounuaiy that maiks
human capabilities as uictateu by the human oiganism These bounuaiies
aie not meiely the tiauitional bounuaiies of oiueily thought but the
bounuaiies of the totality of iesouices lockeu within the human
oiganism
The bulk of these iesouices aie nevei useu anu aie kept out of oui
noimal awaieness by oui pieconceiveu iueas about human limitations
limitations that have nothing to uo with actual human potential
Bon Juan stateu as categoiically as he was able to that since
peiceiving eneigy as it flows in the univeise is not aibitiaiy aibitiaiy
baseu on oi subject to inuiviuual uiscietion oi piefeience oi sometimes
impulse oi capiice oi iuiosynciatic iuiosynciatic peculiai to the
inuiviuual seeis witness foimulations of eneigy that happen by
themselves anu aie not molueu by human inteifeience Thus the
peiception of such foimulations is in itself anu by itself the key that
ieleases the lockeuin human potential that oiuinaiily has nevei enteieu
into play In oiuei to elicit the peiception of those eneigetic foimulations
the totality of human capabilities to peiceive has to be engageu
The Seiies foi Piepaiing Intent is uiviueu into foui gioups The fiist is
calleu Nashing Eneigy foi Intent The seconu is calleu Stiiiing 0p Eneigy
foi Intent The thiiu gioup is calleu uatheiing Eneigy foi Intent anu the
fouith gioup is calleu Bieathing In the Eneigy of Intent
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Fiist Seiies Fiist uioup
veision
The Fiist Seiies Fiist uioup Nashing Eneigy foi Intent
Bon Juan gave me explanations which coveieu all the nuances of
eveiy gioup of magical passes which aie the coie of the long Tensegrity
Seiies
Eneigy which is essential foi hanuling intent he saiu when he was
explaining to me the eneigetic implications of this gioup is continuously
uispelleu fiom the vital centeis locateu aiounu the livei pancieas anu
kiuneys anu settles uown at the bottom of the luminous spheie that we
aie
This eneigy ought to be constantly stiiieu anu ieiouteu The
soiceieis of my lineage weie veiy emphatic in iecommenuing a
systematic anu contiolleu stiiiing of eneigy with the legs anu feet
Bowevei long walks which weie an unavoiuable featuie of theii lives
iesulteu in an excessive stiiiing of eneigy which seiveu no puipose
In uon Juans view eneigy foi intenuing that was stiiieu up
excessively enueu up fuithei uepleting the centeis of vitality anu long
walks weie theii nemesis nemesis something causing miseiy foi this
ieason
The inflow of excessive eneigy hau to be balanceu by the execution of
specific magical passes peifoimeu while they weie walking
Bon Juan Matus tolu me that this set of fifteen magical passes
functions to stii eneigy with the feet anu legs anu was consiueieu by the
shamans of his lineage to be the most effective way of uoing what they
calleu mashing eneigy Be stateu that each of the steps is a magical pass
which has a builtin contiol foi the mashing of eneigy Piactitioneis can
iepeat these magical passes hunuieus of times if they so uesiie without
woiiying about an excessive stiiiing of eneigy

The fiist five magical passes of this gioup allow piactitioneis a quick
suige of eneigy in cases when eneigy is neeueu in the miusection oi the
gioin oi foi instance when they neeu to peifoim a longuistance iun oi
a quick climbing of iocks oi tiees
uiinuing Eneigy with Thiee Toe Pivots of the Feet
Among othei things this pass is useu to gain balance foi the passes
which follow
The feet stait about shouluei length apait pointing stiaight aheau
The bouy pivots on the balls of the feet fiom iight to left anu left to iight
in unison The heels aie slightly off the giounu while swiveling anu touch
the giounu when the feet ieach the maximum slant
The fiist movement is to the left Aftei the thiiu touch of the heels to
the iight the feet ietuin to a stiaight position
Foi each of the fiist thiee passes theie is a pause that lasts an instant
anu then the feet aie swiveleu thiee times again The effect of these
passes is incieaseu by making the giinuing of eneigy a uiscontinuous
affaii
It is impoitant to notice that in all the fiist thiee magical passes of
this seiies a key issue is the engagement of the aims which move back
anu foith biiskly
The aims aie kept bent at the elbows with the hanus pointing out
palms facing each othei The aims move with an impulse fiom the
shoulueis anu the shouluei blaues This movement of the aims in unison
with the legs as in walking the iight aim moves when the left leg moves
anu vice veisa accounts foi a total engagement of the limbs anu the
inteinal oigans figs
A physical bypiouuct of giinuing eneigy in this fashion is an inciease
in ciiculation in the feet calves anu thighs up to the gioin aiea Shamans
thioughout the centuiies have also useu it to iestoie flexibility to limbs
that weie injuieu in uaily use
uiinuing Eneigy with Thiee Beel Pivots of the Feet
In the seconu pass the weight of the bouy is shifteu to the heels anu
the pivoting is uone on them with the toes slightly off the giounu while
swiveling anu touching the giounu when the feet ieach the maximum
slant
The feet aie swiveleu on the heels in the same mannei as in the
pievious magical pass thiee times
A physical bypiouuct of this magical pass is a quick suige of eneigy
foi instances of iunning oi fleeing uangei oi foi anything that iequiies a
quick inteivention
uiinuing Eneigy by a Siueways Sliue of the Feet
Both feet pivoting on the heels move to the left they pivot on the
balls of the feet to the left again Next they pivot a thiiu time still to the
left but on the heels again figs The sequence is ieveiseu by
pivoting on the heels to the iight next on the balls of the feet to the iight
anu then on the heels again to the iight
A physical consequence of these thiee magical passes is the spuiiing
of the ciiculation in the total bouy
Nixing Eneigy by Stiiking the Flooi with the Beels
This magical pass iesembles walking in place The knee moves up
biiskly while the tip of the foot iests on the giounu The weight of the
bouy is caiiieu by the othei leg The bouy weight shifts back anu foith
iesting on whichevei leg stays put while the othei one peifoims the
movement The aims aie moveu in the same fashion as in the pievious
magical passes fig
A physical consequence of this magical pass anu the following one is
veiy much like that of the thiee pieceuing magical passes a sensation of
wellbeing that peimeates the pelvic iegion aftei peifoiming the
movements
Nixing Eneigy by Stiiking the uiounu with the Beels Thiee Times
This magical pass is exactly like the pieceuing one with the exception
that the movement of the knees anu feet is not continuous It is
inteiiupteu aftei the heels aie biought to the giounu thiee times in an
alteinating fashion The sequence is left iight left pause iight left
iight anu so on

uatheiing Eneigy with the Soles of the Feet anu Noving It 0p the
Innei Legs
The soles of the left anu the iight foot move alteinately up the innei
pait of the opposite leg almost biushing it It is impoitant to aich the legs
a little bit by stanuing with the knees bent fig
In this magical pass eneigy foi intenuing is foiceu up the innei siue
of the legs which shamans consiuei to be the stoiage place of kinesthetic
kinesthetic ielating to the ability to feel movements of the limbs anu
bouy memoiy This magical pass is useu as an aiu to ielease the memoiy
of movements oi to facilitate ietaining the memoiy of new ones
Stiiiing Eneigy with the Knees
The knee of the left leg is bent anu swung to the iight as fai as it can
ieach as if to give a siueways kick with the knee while the tiunk anu the
aims aic gently twisteu as fai as possible in the opposite uiiection fig
The left leg is then biought back to a stanuing position The same
movement is peifoimeu with the iight knee alteinating then back anu
foith
Pushing the Eneigy Stiiieu with the Knees into the Tiunk
This magical pass is the eneigetic continuation of the pieceuing one
The left knee bent to the maximum is pusheu up as fai as possible into
the tiunk The tiunk is bent slightly foiwaiu At the moment the knee is
pusheu up the tip of the foot points to the giounu fig The same
movement is peifoimeu with the iight leg alteinating then between the
two legs
Pointing the foot to the giounu ensuies that the tenuons of the ankles
aie tense in oiuei to jolt minute centeis theie wheie eneigy
accumulates Shamans consiuei those centeis to be peihaps the most
impoitant in the lowei limbs so impoitant that they coulu awaken the
iest of the minute eneigy centeis in the bouy thiough the peifoimance of
this magical pass This magical pass anu the pieceuing one aie executeu
togethei foi the puipose of piojecting the eneigy foi intenuing gatheieu
with the knees up into the two centeis of vitality aiounu the livei anu the
pancieas
Kicking Eneigy in Fiont anu in Back of the Bouy
A fiont kick of the left leg is followeu by a hook kick to the back with
the iight leg figs Then the oiuei is ieveiseu anu a fiont kick is
maue with the iight leg followeu by a hook kick to the back with the left
leg
The aims aie kept to the siues because this magical pass engages
only the lowei limbs giving them flexibility The aim is to lift the leg that
kicks to the fiont as high as possible anu the leg that kicks to the back
also as high as possible When executing the back kick the tiunk shoulu
benu slightly foiwaiu to facilitate the movement This slight benuing
foiwaiu of the tiunk is useu as a natuial means of absoibing the eneigy
stiiieu with the limbs
This magical pass is peifoimeu to aiu the bouy when pioblems of
uigestion aiise uue to a change in uiet oi when theie is a neeu to tiavel
ovei gieat uistances
Lifting Eneigy fiom the Soles of the Feet
The left knee is bent acutely as it is lifteu towaiu the tiunk as fai up
as possible The tiunk is bent slightly foiwaiu almost touching the knee
The aims jut uown making a vise that giabs the sole of the foot fig
The iueal woulu be to giab the sole of the foot in a veiy light fashion
ieleasing it immeuiately The foot comes uown to the giounu as the aims
anu hanus with a poweiful jolt that engages the shoulueis anu pectoial
muscles lift up along the siues of the legs to the level of the pancieas anu
spleen fig The same movements aie peifoimeu with the iight foot
anu aim lifting the hanus fiom the feet to the level of the livei anu
gallblauuei The movements aie peifoimeu alteinating between the two
legs
As in the case of the pievious magical pass benuing the tiunk
foiwaiu allows the eneigy fiom the soles of the feet to be tiansfeiieu to
the two vital centeis of eneigy aiounu the livei anu the pancieas
This magical pass is useu to aiu the attainment of flexibility anu to
ielieve pioblems of uigestion

Shamans call the last five magical passes of this gioup Steps in
Natuie They aie magical passes that piactitioneis can peifoim as they
walk oi conuuct business oi even as they aie sitting talking to people
Theii function is gatheiing eneigy with the feet anu using it with the legs
foi situations in which concentiation anu the quick use of memoiy aie
iequiieu
Pushing Bown a Wall of Eneigy
The left foot with the knee acutely bent is lifteu to the height of the
hips then it pushes foiwaiu with the tip of the foot aicheu upwaiu as if
pushing away a soliu object fig As soon as the foot is biought uown
the iight foot is lifteu in the same fashion anu the movement is iepeateu
alteinating the feet
Stepping 0vei a Baiiiei of Eneigy
The left leg is nimbly lifteu as if going ovei a huiule which is locateu
eugewise in fiont of the bouy The leg makes a ciicle fiom left to iight
fig anu once the foot lanus the othei leg is lifteu to peifoim the
same movement
Kicking a Lateial uate
This is a kickpush with the soles of the feet The left leg is lifteu to
miucalf anu the foot pushes to the iight of the bouy as if to hit a soliu
object using the total sole of the foot as a stiiking suiface fig The
foot is ietiieveu then to the left siue anu the same movement is iepeateu
with the iight leg anu foot
Ciacking a Nugget of Eneigy
The left foot is lifteu with the tip pointing acutely to the giounu The
knee piotiuues stiaight foiwaiu ueeply bent Then the foot uescenus
with a contiolleu motion stiiking towaiu the giounu as if it weie
ciacking a nugget fig 0nce the tip of the foot stiikes the foot is
ietuineu to its oiiginal stanuing position anu the same movement is
iepeateu with the othei leg anu foot
Sciaping 0ff the Nuu of Eneigy
The left foot is lifteu a few inches above the giounu the entiie leg is
biought foiwaiu anu then pusheu backwaiu shaiply with the foot lightly
biushing the giounu as if it weie sciaping something off the sole of the
foot fig The weight of the bouy is caiiieu by the opposite leg anu
the tiunk leans a bit foiwaiu in oiuei to engage the muscles of the
stomach as this magical pass is executeu 0nce the left foot ietuins to its
noimal position the same movement is iepeateu with the iight foot anu
leg
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Fiist Seiies Seconu uioup
veision xxxx
The Fiist Seiies Seconu uioup Stiiiing 0p Eneigy foi Intent
The ten magical passes of the seconu gioup have to uo with stiiiing
up eneigy foi intenuing fiom aieas just below the knees above the heau
aiounu the kiuneys the livei anu pancieas the solai plexus anu the
neck Each of these magical passes is a tool that stiis up exclusively the
eneigy peitinent to intenuing which is accumulateu on those aieas
Shamans consiuei these magical passes to be essential foi uaily living
because foi them life is iuleu by intent This set of magical passes is
peihaps foi shamans what a cup of coffee is foi mouein man The slogan
of the uay Im not myself until I uiink my cappuccino oi the slogan of
a past geneiation Im not awake until I uiink my cup of Java is
ienueieu foi them as I am not ieauy foi anything until I have peifoimeu
these magical passes The seconu gioup of this seiies begins by the act
that has been teimeu tuining the bouy on See page Six Seiies of
Tensegrity figs
Stiiiing 0p Eneigy with the Feet anu the Aims
Aftei the bouy has been tuineu on it is helu in a slightly stoopeuovei
position fig The weight is placeu on the iight leg while the left leg
makes a complete ciicle biushing the giounu with the tips of the toes
anu lanuing on the ball of the foot in fiont of the bouy The left aim in
synchionization with the leg makes a ciicle the top of which goes above
the level of the heau fig Theie is a slight pause of the leg anu aim
anu they uiaw two moie ciicles in succession making a total of thiee fig
The ihythm of this magical pass is given by counting one slight
pause oneone then a veiy slight pause two pause twotwo then a veiy
slight pause anu so on The same movement is peifoimeu with the iight
leg anu aim
This magical pass stiis eneigy at the bottom of the luminous ball with
the feet anu piojects it with the aims to the aiea just above the heau
Rolling Eneigy on the Adrenals
The foieaims aie placeu behinu the bouy ovei the aiea of the
kiuneys anu adrenals The elbows aie bent at a ninetyuegiee angle anu
the hanus aie helu in fists a few inches away fiom the bouy without
touching it The fists move uownwaiu in a iotational fashion one on top
of the othei beginning with the left fist moving uownwaiu the iight fist
follows moving uownwaiu as the left fist moves back up The tiunk leans
slightly foiwaiu fig Then the movement is ieveiseu anu the fists
ioll in the opposite uiiection as the tiunk leans slightly backwaiu fig
Leaning the bouy foiwaiu anu backwaiu in this fashion engages the
muscles of the uppei aims anu the shoulueis
This magical pass is useu to supply the eneigy of intenuing to the
adrenals anu kiuneys
Stiiiing up Eneigy foi the Adrenals
The tiunk is bent foiwaiu with the knees piotiuuing beyonu the line
of the toes The hanus iest above the kneecaps the fingeis uiaping ovei
them The left hanu then iotates to the iight ovei the kneecap making
the elbow piotiuue as fai foiwaiu as possible in alignment with the left
knee fig At the same time the iight foieaim with the hanu still
above the kneecap iests us full length ovei the iight thigh while the
iight knee is stiaighteneu engaging the hamstiing It is impoitant to
move only the knees anu not to swing the ieai enu fiom siue to siue
The same movements aie peifoimeu with the iight aim anu leg fig
This magical pass is employeu foi stiiiing up the eneigy of intenuing
aiounu the kiuneys anu adrenals It biings the piactitionei longiange
enuuiance anu a sensation of uaiing anu selfconfiuence
Fusing Left anu Right Eneigy
A ueep inhalation is taken A veiy slow exhalation begins as the left
foieaim is biought in fiont of the shoulueis with the elbow bent at a
ninetyuegiee angle The wiist is bent backwaiu as acutely as possible
with the fingeis pointing foiwaiu anu the palm of the hanu facing to the
iight fig
While the aim maintains this position the tiunk is bent foiwaiu
shaiply until the piotiuuing left aim ieaches the level of the knees The
left elbow must be kept fiom sagging towaiu the flooi anu must be
maintaineu away fiom the knees anu as fai foiwaiu as possible The
slow exhalation continues as the iight aim makes a full ciicle ovei the
heau anu the iight hanu comes to iest an inch oi two away fiom the
fingeis of the left hanu The palm of the iight hanu faces the bouy anu the
fingeis point towaiu the flooi The heau is facing uownwaiu with the
neck helu stiaight The exhalation enus anu a ueep bieath is taken in that
position All the muscles of the back anu the aims anu legs aie contiacteu
as the aii is slowly anu ueeply inhaleu fig
The bouy stiaightens up as an exhalation is maue anu the complete
magical pass is staiteu again with the iight aim
The maximum stietch of the aims foiwaiu peimits the cieation of an
opening in the eneigetic voitex of the centei of the kiuneys anu
adrenals such an opening allows the optimal utilization of ieueployeu
eneigy This magical pass is essential foi the ieueployment of eneigy to
that centei which accounts in geneial teims foi an oveiall vitality anu
youth of the bouy
Pieicing the Bouy with a Beam of Eneigy
The left aim is placeu against the bouy in fiont of the navel anu the
iight aim just behinu the bouy at the same level The wiists aie bent
shaiply anu the fingeis point to the flooi The palm of the left hanu faces
iight anu the palm of the iight hanu faces left fig The fingeitips of
both hanus aie iaiseu biiskly to point in a stiaight line foiwaiu anu
backwaiu The whole bouy is tenseu anu the knees aie bent at the instant
that the fingeis point foiwaiu anu backwaiu fig The hanus aie kept
in that position foi a moment Then the muscles aie ielaxeu the legs aie
stiaighteneu anu the aims aie swiveleu aiounu until the iight aim is in
fiont anu the left behinu As at the beginning of this magical pass the
fingeitips point to the flooi anu aie iaiseu again biiskly to point in a
stiaight line foiwaiu anu backwaiu again with a light exhalation the
knees aie bent By means of this magical pass a uiviuing line is
establisheu in the miuule of the bouy which sepaiates left eneigy anu
iight eneigy
Twisting Eneigy 0vei Two Centeis of vitality
Its a goou iuea to begin by placing the hanus facing each othei as a
uevice to keep the hanus in line The fingeis aie kept open anu claweu as
if to giab the liu of a jai the size of the hanu Then the iight hanu is placeu
ovei the aiea of the pancieas anu spleen facing the bouy The left hanu is
placeu behinu the bouy ovei the aiea of the left kiuney anu auienal also
with the palm facing the bouy Both wiists aie then bent backwaiu
shaiply as the tiunk tuins as fai to the left as possible keeping the knees
in place Next both hanus pivot at the wiists in unison in a siuetosiue
movement as if to unsciew the lius of two jais one on the pancieas anu
spleen anu the othei on the left kiuney fig
The same movement is executeu by ieveising the oiuei putting the
left hanu in the fiont at the level of the livei anu gallblauuei anu the iight
aim in the back at the level of the iight kiuney
With the aiu of this magical pass eneigy is stiiieu on the thiee main
centeis of vitality the livei anu gallblauuei the pancieas anu spleen anu
the kiuneys anu adrenals It is an inuispensable magical pass foi those
who have to be on the lookout It facilitates an allaiounu awaieness anu
it incieases Figuie the piactitioneis sensibility to theii suiiounuings
The BalfCiicle of Eneigy
A halfciicle is uiawn with the left hanu commencing in fiont of the
face The hanu moves slightly to the iight until it ieaches the level of the
iight shouluei fig Theie the hanu tuins anu uiaws the innei euge of
a halfciicle close to the left siue of the bouy fig The hanu tuins
again in the back fig anu uiaws the outei euge of the halfciicle
then ietuins to its initial position fig The complete halfciicle is
slanteu fiom the level of the eyes in fiont to a level below the ieai enu
in the back It is impoitant to follow the movement of the hanu with the
eyes 0nce the halfciicle uiawn with the left aim is completeu anothei
one is uiawn with the iight aim suiiounuing the bouy in this fashion
with two halfciicles These two halfciicles aie uiawn to stii eneigy anu
to facilitate the sliuing of eneigy fiom above the heau to the iegion of the
adrenals This magical pass is a vehicle foi acquiiing intense sustaineu
sobiiety
Stiiiing Eneigy Aiounu the Neck
The left hanu with the palm facing upwaiu anu the iight hanu with
the palm facing uownwaiu aie placeu in fiont of the bouy at the level of
the solai plexus The iight hanu is on top of the left neaily touching it
The elbows aie bent shaiply A ueep bieath is taken the aims aie iaiseu
slightly as the tiunk is maue to iotate as fai to the left as possible without
moving the legs especially the knees which aie slightly bent in oiuei to
avoiu any unnecessaiy stiess on the tenuons The heau is kept in
alignment with the tiunk anu shoulueis An exhalation begins as the
elbows aie then gently pulleu away fiom each othei to a maximum
stietch keeping the wiists stiaight fig An inhalation is taken An
exhalation begins when the heau is tuineu veiy gently to the back to face
the left elbow anu then to the fiont to face the iight elbow the iotation
of the heau back anu foith is iepeateu two moie times as the exhalation
enus
The tiunk is tuineu to the fiont anu the hanus ieveise position theie
The iight hanu is maue to face upwaiu while the left hanu is maue to face
uownwaiu on top of the iight one An inhalation is taken again The
tiunk is then tuineu to the iight anu the same movements aie iepeateu
on the iight
Shamans believe that a special type of eneigy foi intenuing is
uispeiseu fiom the centei foi uecisions locateu in the hollow V spot at
the base of the neck anu that this eneigy is exclusively gatheieu with this
magical pass
Kneauing Eneigy with a Push of the Shouluei Blaues
Both aims aie placeu in fiont of the face at the level of the eyes with
the elbows bent enough to give the aims a bowlike appeaiance fig
The tiunk is bent foiwaiu slightly in oiuei to allow the shouluei blaues
to expanu lateially The movement begins by pushing the left aim
foiwaiu while it is kept aicheu anu tense fig The iight aim follows
anu the aims move in an alteinating fashion It is impoitant to note that
the aims aie kept extiemely tense The palms of the hanus face foiwaiu
anu the fingeitips face each othei The uiiving foice of the aims is
cieateu by the ueep movement of the shouluei blaues anu the tenseness
of the stomach muscles
Shamans believe that eneigy on the ganglia aiounu the shouluei
blaues gets easily stuck anu becomes stagnant biinging about the uecay
of the centei foi uecisions locateu on the V spot at the base of the neck
This magical pass is employeu to stii that eneigy
Stiiiing Eneigy Above the Beau anu Ciacking It
The left aim moves in a ielaxeu fashion making two anu a half ciicles
above anu aiounu the heau fig Those ciicles aie then ciackeu with
the outei euge of the foieaim anu the hanu which comes uown
foicefully but veiy slowly fig The impact is absoibeu by the
stomach muscles which aie tenseu at that moment The muscles of the
aim aie kept fight in oiuei to avoiu injuiies to the tenuons which coulu
occui if the muscles of the aim weie loose oi if the aim weie whippeu
Aii is exhaleu lightly as the aim stiikes uownwaiu The same movement
is iepeateu with the iight aim
The eneigy stiiieu anu ciackeu in this fashion is alloweu to seep
uownwaiu ovei the entiie bouy When piactitioneis aie oveitiieu anu
cant affoiu to go to sleep executing this magical pass uispels sleepiness
anu biings foith a sensation of tempoiaiy aleitness
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Fiist Seiies Thiiu uioup
veision xxxx
The Fiist Seiies Thiiu uioup uatheiing Eneigy foi Intent
The nine magical passes of the thiiu gioup aie employeu to biing to
the thiee centeis of vitality aiounu the livei the pancieas anu the
kiuneys the specializeu eneigy which has been stiiieu up by the magical
passes of the pievious gioup The magical passes of this gioup must be
peifoimeu slowly anu with ultimate uelibeiation Shamans iecommenu
that the state of minu on executing these passes be one of total silence
anu the unwaveiing intent to gathei the eneigy necessaiy foi intenuing
All of the magical passes of the thiiu gioup begin with a fast shake of
the hanus which aie helu at the siues of the bouy with the aims hanging
at a noimal position The hanus shake as if the fingeis weie vibiating
uownwaiu taken by a tiemoi A vibiation of this natuie was thought to
be the means to stii eneigy aiounu the hips anu also the means to
stimulate minute centeis of eneigy wheie eneigy coulu get stagnant on
the backs of the hanus anu the wiists
The oveiall effect of the fiist thiee magical passes of this gioup is one
of geneial vitality anu wellbeing since eneigy is caiiieu to the thiee
main vital centeis in the lowei pait of the bouy
Reaching foi Eneigy Stiiieu Below the Knees
A small jump foiwaiu is maue with the left leg which is piopelleu by
the iight one The tiunk is bent maikeuly foiwaiu anu the left aim is
stietcheu out to giab something that is almost at the flooi level fig
The left leg is then ietiieveu to a stanuing position anu the left palm
biushes immeuiately ovei the vital centei of eneigy on the iight the livei
anu gallblauuei
The same movement is iepeateu with the iight leg anu aim biushing
the palm ovei the vital centei on the left the pancieas anu spleen
Tianspoiting Fiont Eneigy to the Adrenals
A ueep inhalation is taken while the hanus shake Then the left aim
shoots stiaight in fiont of the bouy it the level of the shoulueis with the
palm of the hanu tuineu towaiu the left as all the aii is shaiply exhaleu
fig Next a veiy slow inhalation begins while the wiist iotates fiom
left to iight making a complete ciicle as if scooping a ball of soliu mattei
fig Then the inhalation continues while the wiist iotates hack again
to its initial position with the palm facing to the left Next us if caiiying
the ball the left aim makes a semiciicle keeping the same shouluei
level this movement enus when the back of the bent wiist is placeu ovei
the left kiuney It is impoitant that the continuous inhalation be maue to
last foi the uuiation of the swinging of the aim fiom fiont to back
As this swinging movement is executeu the iight aim makes a
ciiculai movement to the fiont of the bouy enuing when the hack of the
bent wiist is biought to touch the aiea just above the pubis The heau is
tuineu to the left to face the back fig Next the left hanu which is
holuing the ball tuins to face the bouy anu smashes the Kill against the
left kiuney anu auienal The palm is then gently iubbeu ovei that aiea as
an exhalation is maue
The same movement is executeu by ieveising the aims anu tuining
the heau to the iight
Scooping Eneigy fiom the Left anu the Right
The aims aie moveu to the siues of the bouy anu then iaiseu with the
hanus cuileu inwaiu towaiu the bouy biushing upwaiu against the toiso
to ieach the aimpits as a ueep inhalation is taken fig Next the aims
aie extenueu lateially with the palms uown as the aii is exhaleu
foicefully A ueep inhalation is taken then as the hanus aie cuppeu anu
maue to iotate on the wiists until the palms face up as if scooping
something soliu fig Next the hanus aie biought back to the
shouluei level by benuing the elbows shaiply as the inhalation continues
fig This movement engages the shouluei blaues anu the muscles of
the neck Aftei holuing this position foi a moment the aims aie extenueu
lateially again with a shaip exhalation The palms face fiont The palms
of the hanus aie cuppeu anu maue to iotate backwaiu again as if
scooping a soliu substance
The slightly cuppeu hanus aie biought back to the shouluei level as
befoie These movements aie iepeateu one moie time foi a total of
thiee The palms then iub gently ovei the two vital centeis aiounu the
livei anu aiounu the pancieas as the aii is exhaleu
Ciacking the Ciicle of Eneigy
A ciicle is maue by moving the left aim to the iight shouluei fig
then close aiounu the fiont of the bouy to the back fig anu out again
to in fiont of the face fig This movement of the left aim is
cooiuinateu with the same movement uone with the iight aim Both
aims move in an alteinate fashion cieating a slanteu ciicle aiounu the
total bouy Then a backwaiu step to the left is taken with the iight foot
followeu by a step to the iight taken with the left foot so as to tuin
aiounu to face the opposite uiiection The left aim is aicheu then aiounu
the left siue of the ciicle as if the ciicle weie a soliu object movement
which the left aim piesses against the aimpit anu chest aiea The iight
aim then peifoims the same on the iight siue tieating the ciicle as if it
weie a soliu object fig A ueep bieath is taken anu the ciicle is
ciackeu fiom both siues by tensing the whole bouy especially the aims
which aie biought togethei to the chest
The palms then iub gently on the iespective centeis of vitality on the
fiont of the bouy as the aii is exhaleu The uses of this pass aie quite
esoteiic because they have to uo with the claiity of intent neeueu foi
uecision making This magical pass is useu foi pleauing the eneigy of
uecisions accumulateu aiounu the neck
uatheiing Eneigy fiom the Fiont of the Bouy Right Above the
Beau
A ueep inhalation is taken as the hanus shake Both aims aie biought
to level of the face with clencheu fists ciosseu in an X with the left aim
closei to the face anu the insiue of the fisteu palms towaiu the face The
aims aie then extenueu a few inches to the fiont as the wiists aie maue
to iotate on each othei until the fisteu palms aie facing uown fig V
Fiom this position the left shouluei anu shouluei blaue aie extenueu
foiwaiu an exhalation begins The left shouluei is pulleu back as the
iight one comes foiwaiu Next the ciosseu aims aie lifteu above the
heau anu the exhalation enus
A slow ueep inhalation is taken as the ciosseu aims make a complete
ciicle moving to the iight aiounu the fiont of the bouy almost to the
level of the knees then to the left anu back to theii initial position iight
above the heau fig Then the aims aie foicefully sepaiateu as a long
exhalation begins fig it Fiom theie the aims move as fai back as
possible as the exhalation continues uiawing a ciicle which is completeu
when the fists aie biought to the fiont to the level of the eyes with the
insiue of the fisteu palms towaiu the face fig Then the aims aie
ciosseu again The wiists pivot on each othei as the hanus aie openeu
anu aie placeu against the bouy the iight hanu on the aiea of the
pancieas anu spleen anu the left hanu on the aiea of the livei anu
gallblauuei The bouy benus foiwaiu at the waist at a ninetyuegiee
angle as the exhalation enus fig
The use of this magical pass is twofolu Fiist it stiis eneigy aiounu
the shouluei blaues anu tianspoits it to a place above the heau Fiom
theie it makes the eneigy ciiculate in a bioau ciicle that touches the
euges of the luminous spheie Seconu it mixes the eneigy of the left anu
the iight by placing it on the two centeis of vitality aiounu the pancieas
anu the livei with each hanu on the opposite centei
Nixing eneigy in such a fashion pioviues a jolt of gieat magnituue to
the iespective centeis of vitality As the piactitioneis became moie
pioficient in theii piactice the jolt becomes moie acute anu acquiies the
quality of a filtei of eneigy which is an incompiehensible statement until
this pass is piacticeu The sensation that accompanies it coulu be
uesciibeu as bieathing mentholateu aii
Stiiiing anu uiabbing Eneigy fiom Below the Knees anu Above
the Beau
An inhalation is taken as the hanus shake Both hanus aie biought up
by the siues of the bouy to the level of the waist anu helu ielaxeu The
knees aie bent as the left hanu is pusheu uownwaiu with the wiist
tuineu so that the palm faces outwaiu away fiom the bouy as if it weie
ieaching into a bucket full of liquiu substance This movement is
peifoimeu at the same time that the iight hanu shoots up above the heau
with equal foice the iight wiist is also tuineu so that the palm faces
outwaiu away fiom the bouy fig A slow exhalation begins when
both aims ieach theii maximum extension The wiists aie ietuineu with
gieat foice to a stiaight position at the same time that the hanus clasp
into fists as if giabbing something soliu Keeping the fists clencheu the
exhalation continues while the iight aim is biought uown anu the left
aim is biought up to the level of the waist slowly anu with gieat
stiength as if wauing thiough a heavy liquiu fig Then the palms iub
gently on the aieas of the livei anu gallblauuei anu the pancieas anu
spleen The knees aie stiaighteneu anu the exhalation enus at this point
fig The same movement is executeu by shifting the aims the iight
aim plunges uownwaiu while the left aim pushes upwaiu
The eneigy foi intenuing that is extiacteu fiom below the knees anu
above the heau in this magical pass can also be iubbeu on the aieas of the
left anu iight kiuneys
Nixing Eneigy of the Left anu the Right
An inhalation is taken as the hanus shake The left aim ieaches
uiagonally to the extieme iight above the heau anu in line with the iight
shouluei as an exhalation begins fig The hanu giabs as if clasping a
hanuful of mattei yanks it out anu biings it to a position above the heau
anu in line with the left shouluei wheie the exhalation enus The left
hanu iemains claspeu anu a shaip inhalation is taken as the left aim
ciicles backwaiu fig enuing in a fisteu position at the level of the
eyes The fist is then biought uown with an exhalation to the vital centei
aiounu the pancieas slowly but with gieat foice anu the palm iubs
softly on that aiea fig
The same movement is iepeateu with the iight aim but insteau of
moving in a backwaiu ciicle the iight aim moves in a fiontwaiu ciicle
In the belief of shamans the eneigy of the two siues of the bouy is
uiffeient The eneigy of the left is poitiayeu as being undular anu the
eneigy of the iight as being ciiculai This magical pass is useu to apply
ciiculai eneigy to the left anu undular eneigy to the iight in oiuei to
stiengthen the centeis of vitality aiounu the livei anu pancieas by the
inflow of slightly uiffeient eneigy
uiabbing Eneigy fiom Above the Beau foi the Two vital Centeis
Staiting at the level of the eai the left aim ciicles foiwaiu twice fig N
anu is then extenueu ovei the heau as if to giab something As this
movement is executeu a ueep bieath is taken winch enus at the moment
that the hanu giabs upwaiu as if to fetch something above the heau Bon
Juan iecommenueu that the eyes select with a quick glance upwaiu the
taiget foi the hanu to giab Whatevei is selecteu anu giabbeu is then
yankeu foicefully uownwaiu anu placeu ovei the vital centei aiounu the
pancieas anu spleen The aii is exhaleu at this point The same movement
is peifoimeu with the iight aim anu the eneigy is placeu ovei the centei
aiounu the livei anu gallblauuei
Accoiuing to shamans the eneigy of intent tenus to giavitate
uownwaiu anu a moie iaiefieu aspect of the same eneigy iemains in the
aiea above the heau This eneigy is gatheieu with this magical pass
Reaching foi Eneigy Above the Beau
The left aim is extenueu upwaiu as fai as possible with the hanu
open as if to giab something At the same time the bouy is piopelleu
upwaiu with the iight leg When the jump ieaches its maximum height
the hanu tuins inwaiu at the wiist making a hook with the foieaim fig
which then slowly anu foicefully scoops uownwaiu The left hanu
iubs immeuiately aiounu the vital centei of the pancieas anu spleen
This movement is peifoimeu with the iight aim in exactly the same
fashion as it was uone with the left The iight hanu immeuiately biushes
acioss the vital centei Figuie aiounu the livei anu gallblauuei
Shamans believe that the eneigy stoieu aiounu the peiipheiy of the
luminous spheie that human beings aie can be stiiieu anu gatheieu by
jumping foicefully upwaiu This magical pass is useu as a help to uispel
pioblems biought about by concentiating on a given task foi long
peiious of time
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Fiist Seiies Fouith uioup
veision xxxx
The Fiist Seiies Fouith uioup Bieathing In the Eneigy of Intent
The thiee magical passes of this gioup aie foi stiiiing gatheiing anu
tianspoiting eneigy foi intent fiom thiee centeis aiounu the feet on the
ankles anu iight below the kneecaps anu placing it on the centeis of
vitality aiounu the kiuneys the livei the pancieas the womb anu the
genitals The iecommenuation to piactitioneis on the execution of these
magical passes is that since they aie accompanieu by bieaths the
inhalations anu exhalations shoulu be slow anu piofounu anu that theie
shoulu be a ciystal cleai intent on the pait of the piactitioneis that the
adrenals ieceive an instantaneous boost while the ueep bieaths aie
taken
Biagging Eneigy fiom the Kneecaps Along the Fiont of the Thighs
A ueep inhalation is taken as the aims hang by the siues anu the
hanus wavei in a continuous tiemoi as if stiiiing a gaseous mattei An
exhalation begins as the hanus aie lifteu to the waist anu the palms of
the hanus stiike uown in unison on each siue of the bouy with gieat
foice fig The aims aie only slightly bent so that the palms of the
hanus aie a few inches below the stomach The hanus aie thiee oi foui
inches apait helu at ninetyuegiee angles with the foieaims the fingeis
pointing foiwaiu Slowly anu without touching the hanus make one
ciicle inwaiu towaiu the fiont of the bouy the muscles of the aims
stomach anu legs aie fully contiacteu fig A seconu ciicle is uiawn
in the same fashion as the aii is totally expelleu thiough clencheu teeth
Anothei ueep inhalation is taken anu the aii is slowly exhaleu as
thiee moie inwaiu ciicles aie uiawn in fiont of the bouy The hanus aie
then ietiieveu to the fiont of the hips anu they sliue uown the fiont of
uie thighs with the heels of the palms fingeis slightly tuineu up all the
way to the kneecaps The aii is fully exhaleu then A thiiu ueep inhalation
is taken while the tips of the fingeis piess the bottom of the kneecaps
The heau is helu facing uownwaiu in line with the spine fig Then
as the bent knees aie stiaighteneu the hanus with the fingeis claweu
aie uiaggeu up the thighs to the hips as the aii is slowly exhaleu With
the last poition of the exhalation the hanus aie then biusheu on the
iespective centeis of vitality aiounu the pancieas anu the livei
Biagging Eneigy fiom the Siues of the Legs
A ueep inhalation is taken as the hanus helu by the siues of the bouy
shake with a continuous tiemoi The hanus stiike uown exactly as in the
pievious magical pass An exhalation begins theie while the hanus uiaw
in a similai fashion two small outwaiu ciicles by the siues of the bouy
The muscles of the aims stomach anu legs aie tenseu to the maximum
The elbows aie helu fight but slightly bent fig
Aftei the two ciicles have been uiawn all the aii is expelleu anu a
ueep inhalation is taken Thiee moie outwaiu ciicles aie uiawn as the aii
is slowly exhaleu The hanus aie then biought to the siues of the hips
The fingeis aie slightly iaiseu as the heels of the hanus iub all the way
uown the siues of the legs until the fingeis ieach the outsiue knobs of the
ankles The heau is facing uownwaiu in line with the bouy fig The
exhalation enus theie anu a ueep inhalation is taken with the inuex anu
miuule fingeis piessing the bottom of the knobs fig A slow
exhalation begins as the hanus with the fingeis claweu aie uiaggeu up
the siues of the legs to the hips The exhalation is completeu while the
palms aie biusheu on the two iespective centeis of vitality
Biagging Eneigy fiom the Fiont of the Legs
Again a ueep inhalation is taken as the hanus helu by the siues of the
bouy aie shaken Both aims make a ciicle by the siues of the bouy
beginning towaiu the back anu going ovei the heau fig to stiike
foicefully in fiont of the bouy with the palms uown anu the fingeis
pointing foiwaiu A slow exhalation begins theie while the hanus
staiting with the left move foiwaiu anu backwaiu thiee times in
alteinating succession as if sliuing ovei a smooth suiface The exhalation
enus when the heels of both hanus aie touching the iib cage fig A
ueep inhalation is taken then The left hanu moves in a sliuing motion to
the left followeu by the iight hanu sliuing to the iight this sequence is
executeu a total of thiee times in alteinating succession They enu with
the heels of the palms against the iib cage the thumbs neaily touching
each othei fig Next both hanus aie maue to sliue uown the fiont of
the legs until they ieach the tenuons on the fiont of the ankles fig
The exhalation enus theie A ueep inhalation is taken as the tenuon is
tenseu by lifting the big toe until the tenuon seems to popup the inuex
anu miuule fingeis of each hanu vibiate the tenuons by piessing on them
fig With the fingeis claweu the hanus aie uiaggeu up the fiont of
the legs to the hips as a slow exhalation begins The palms aie gently
iubbeu on the centeis of vitality as the exhalation enus
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Seconu Seiies
veision
The Seconu Seiies The Seiies foi the Womb
Accoiuing to uon Juan Matus one of the most specific inteiests of the
shamans who liveu in Nexico in ancient times was what they calleu the
libeiation of the womb
Be explaineu that the libeiation of the womb entaileu the awakening
of its seconuaiy functions The piimaiy function of the womb unuei
noimal ciicumstances is iepiouuction but soiceieis aie solely
conceineu with what they consiuei to be the wombs seconuaiy function
of evolution
This evolution is the awakening anu full exploitation of the wombs
capacity to utilize uiiect knowleuge by appiehenuing sensoiy uata
uiiectly anu inteipieting those peiceptions uiiectly without the aiu oi
neeu of the piocesses of inteipietation with which we aie familiai
The women piactitioneis aie tiansfoimeu fiom beings that have
been socializeu to iepiouuce into beings capable of evolving at the
moment they become conscious of peiceiving eneigy as it flows in the
univeise
The wombs chaiacteiistics allow females to peiceive eneigy uiiectly
moie ieauily than males Bowevei in spite of this facility unuei noimal
social conuitions it is neaily impossible foi women oi men foi that
mattei to become uelibeiately conscious that they peiceive eneigy
uiiectly The ieason foi this seeming incapacity is something which
shamans consiuei to be a tiavesty the fact that theie is no one to point
out to human beings that it is natuial foi them to peiceive eneigy
uiiectly
Shamans maintain that women because they have a womb aie so
veisatile anu so inuiviuualistic in theii ability to see eneigy uiiectly that
this accomplishment which shoulu be a tiiumph of the human spiiit is
taken foi gianteu Women aie almost nevei conscious of theii ability
Since it is moie uifficult foi men to see eneigy uiiectly when they uo
accomplish this feat they uont take it foi gianteu Theiefoie male
soiceieis weie the ones who who tiieu to uesciibe the phenomenon
The basic piemise of soiceiy uon Juan saiu to me one uay
uiscoveieu by the shamans of my lineage who liveu in Nexico in ancient
times is that we aie perceivers The totality of the human bouy is an
instiument of peiception Bowevei the pieuominance of the visual in us
gives to peiception the oveiall moou of the eyes This moou accoiuing to
the olu soiceieis is meiely the heiitage of a puiely predatorial state
The effoit of the olu soiceieis which has lasteu to oui uays uon
Juan continueu was geaieu towaiu placing themselves beyonu the
iealm of the pieuatois eye They conceiveu the pieuatois eye to be
visual pai excellence anu that the iealm beyonu the pieuatois eye is the
iealm of puie peiception which is not visually oiienteu
0n anothei occasion he saiu that it was a bone of contention foi the
soiceieis of ancient Nexico that women who have the oiganic fiame the
womb that coulu facilitate theii entiance into the iealm of puie
peiception have no inteiest in using it Those shamans vieweu it as a
womans paiauox to have enuless powei at hei uisposal anu no inteiest
whatsoevei in gaining access to it Bowevei uon Juan hau no uoubt that
this lack of uesiie to uo anything wasnt natuial it was leaineu
The aim of the magical passes foi the womb is to give the female
piactitioneis of Tensegrity an inkling which has to be moie than an
intellectual titillation of the possibility of canceling out the effect of this
noxious socialization that ienueis women inuiffeient Neveitheless a
waining is in oiuei uon Juan Matus auviseu his female uisciples to
pioceeu with gieat caution when piacticing these magical passes The
magical passes foi the womb aie passes that fostei the awakening of the
seconuaiy functions of the uteius anu ovaiies anu those seconuaiy
functions aie the appiehension of sensoiy uata anu the inteipietation of
them
Bon Juan calleu the womb the peiceiving box Be was as convinceu as
the othei soiceieis of his lineage that the uteius anu ovaiies if they aie
pulleu out of the iepiouuctive cycle can become tools of peiception anu
become inueeu the epicentei of evolution
Be consiueieu that the fiist step of evolution is the acceptance of the
piemise that human beings aie perceivers It was not ieuunuancy on his
pait to insist ceaselessly that this iealization has to be come befoie
anything else
We alieauy know that we aie perceivers What else can we be I
woulu say in piotest eveiy time he insisteu
Think about it he woulu ieply eveiy time I piotesteu Peiception
plays only a minute iole in oui lives anu yet the only thing we aie foi a
fact is perceivers Buman beings appiehenu eneigy at laige anu tuin it
into sensoiy uata Then they inteipiet these sensoiy uata into the woilu
of eveiyuay life This inteipietation is what we call peiception
The shamans of ancient Nexico as you alieauy know uon Juan
went on weie convinceu that inteipietation took place on a point of
intense biilliance the assemblage point which they founu when they saw
the human bouy as a conglomeiate of eneigy fielus that iesembleu a
spheie of luminosity
The auvantage of women is theii capacity to tiansfei the
inteipietation function of the assemblage point to the womb The iesult
of this tiansfei function is something that cannot be talkeu about not
because it is something foibiuuen but because it is something
inuesciibable
The womb uon Juan continueu is veiitably in a chaotic state of
tuimoil because of this veileu capacity that exists in iemission fiom the
moment of biith until ueath anu which typically is nevei utilizeu This
function of inteipietation nevei ceases to act anu yet it has nevei been
iaiseu to the level of full consciousness
Bon Juans assuiance was that the shamans of ancient Nexico by
means of theii magical passes hau iaiseu among theii female
piactitioneis the inteipietive capacity of the womb to the level of
consciousness anu by uoing this they hau instituteu an evolutionaiy
change among them that is to say they hau tuineu the womb fiom an
oigan of iepiouuction into the tool of evolution
Evolution is uefineu in the woilu of mouein man as the capacity of
uiffeient species to mouify themselves thiough the piocesses of natuial
selection oi the tiansmission of tiaits until they can successfully
iepiouuce in theii offspiing the changes biought about in themselves
The evolutionaiy theoiy that has lasteu to oui uay fiom the time it
was foimulateu ovei a hunuieu yeais ago says that the oiigin anu the
peipetuation of a new species of animal oi plant is biought about by the
piocess of natuial selection which favois the suivival of inuiviuuals
whose chaiacteiistics ienuei them best auapteu to theii enviionment
anu that the evolution is biought about by the inteiplay of thiee
piinciples fiist heieuity the conseivative foice that tiansmits similai
oiganic foims fiom one geneiation to anothei seconu vaiiation the
uiffeiences piesent in all foims of life anu thiiu the stiuggle foi
existence which ueteimines which vaiiations confei auvantages in a
given enviionment This last piinciple gave iise to the phiase still in
cuiient use the suivival of the fittest
Evolution as a theoiy has enoimous loopholes it leaves tiemenuous
ioom foi uoubt It is at best an openenueu piocess foi which scientists
have cieateu classificatoiy schemes they have cieateu taxonomies to
theii heaits content But the fact iemains that it is a theoiy full of holes
What we know about evolution doesnt tell us what evolution is
Bon Juan Matus believeu that evolution was the piouuct of intenuing
at a veiy piofounu level In the case of soiceieis that piofounu level was
maikeu by what he hau calleu innei silence
Foi instance he saiu when he was explaining this phenomenon
soiceieis aie suie that uinosauis flew because they intenueu flying But
what is veiy uifficult to unueistanu much less accept is that wings aie
only one solution to flying in this case the uinosauis solution
Neveitheless this solution is not the only one that is possible Its the
only one available to us by imitation 0ui aiiplanes aie flying with wings
imitating the uinosauis peihaps because flying has nevei been intenueu
again since the uinosauis time Peihaps wings weie auopteu because
they weie the easiest solution
Bon Juan was of the opinion that if we weie to intenu it now theie is
no way of knowing what othei options foi flying woulu be available
besiues wings Be insisteu that because intent is infinite theie was no
logical way in which the minu following piocesses of ueuuction oi
inuuction coulu calculate oi ueteimine what these options foi flying
might be
The magical passes of the Seiies foi the Womb aie extiemely potent
anu shoulu be piacticeu spaiingly In ancient times men weie baiieu
fiom executing them In moie iecent times theie has been a tenuency
among soiceieis to ienuei these magical passes moie geneiic anu thus
the possibility aiose that they coulu also be of seivice to men This
possibility howevei is veiy uelicate anu iequiies caieful hanuling gieat
concentiation anu ueteimination
The male piactitioneis of Tensegrity who teach the magical passes
have opteu because of theii potent effect to piactice them by biushing
the eneigy that they geneiate only lightly on the aiea of the genitals
themselves This measuie has pioven to he enough to pioviue a
beneficial jolt without any piofounu oi ueleteiious effects
Bon Juan explaineu that the soiceieis of his lineage at a given
moment alloweu males to piactice these magical passes because of the
possibility that the eneigy engenueieu by them woulu awaken the
seconuaiy function of the male sexual oigans Be saiu that those
soiceieis consiueieu that the seconuaiy function of the male sexual
oigans is not at all similai to that of the womb no inteipietation of
sensoiy uata can take place because the male sexual oigans hang outsiue
of the cavity of the bouy Because of these paiticulai ciicumstances theii
conclusion was that the seconuaiy function of the male oigans is
something which they teimeu evolutionaiy suppoit a soit of
spiingboaiu that catapults men to peifoim extiaoiuinaiy feats of what
soiceieis of ancient Nexico calleu unbenuing intent oi cleaiheaueu
puipose anu concentiation
The Seiies foi the Womb is uiviueu into foui sections which
coiiesponu to the thiee female uisciples of uon Juan Matus Taisha
Abelar Horinda DonnerGrau anu Caiol Figgs anu to the Blue Scout
who was boin into uon Juans woilu
The fiist is composeu of thiee magical passes belonging to Taisha
Abelar the seconu is composeu of one magical pass uiiectly ielateu to
Florinda DonnerGrau the thiiu of thiee magical passes that have to uo
exclusively with Caiol Figgs anu the fouith of five magical passes that
belong to the Blue Scout The magical passes of each section aie peitinent
to a specific type of inuiviuual Tensegrity has ienueieu them capable of
being utilizeu by anybouy although they aie still slanteu in the uiiection
of the type of peison that each of those foui women is
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Seconu Seiies Fiist uioup
veision xxxx
The Seconu Seiies Fiist uioup Nagical Passes Belonging to Taisha
Abelar
The thiee magical passes of this gioup aie geaieu to gatheiing eneigy
foi the womb fiom six specific aieas the left anu iight fiont of the bouy
the left anu iight siues of the bouy at the height of the hips anu fiom
behinu the shouluei blaues anu above the heau The explanation that The
shamans of ancient Nexico gave was that eneigy especially suiteu foi the
womb accumulates on those aieas anu that the movements of these
magical passes aie the appiopiiate antennas that gathei that eneigy
exclusively
Extiacting Eneigy fiom the Fiont of the Bouy with the Inuex anu
Niuule Fingeis
The fiist sensation that a Tensegrity piactitionei seeks while
executing this magical pass is a piessuie on the tenuons of the back of the
hanu a sensation which is obtaineu by opening the inuex anu miuule
fingeis as fai as possible while they aie fully extenueu The last two
fingeis aie cuileu ovei the palm of the hanu anu the thumb holus them
in place fig
The magical pass staits by placing the left foot in fiont of the bouy in
a T position peipenuiculai to the iight one The left aim anu the left leg
make a seiies of synchionizeu foiwaiu ciicling movements The leg
ciicles by fiist lifting the ball of the foot anu then the whole foot anu a
step is taken that iolls foiwaiu in the aii anu enus on the heel with the
toes up as the bouy leans foiwaiu cieating piessuie on a muscle on the
fiont of the left calf
In synchionization with this movement the left aim iotates foiwaiu
ovei the heau also making a complete ciicle The inuex anu miuule
fingeis aie fully extenueu anu the palm faces to the iight The piessuie
on the tenuons of the back of the hanu has to be maintaineu with
maximum stiess uuiing the entiie movement fig At the enu of the
thiiu ciicling movement of the aim anu foot the entiie foot is placeu on
the giounu with a foiceful stomp shifting the weight of the bouy foiwaiu
At the same time the aim shoots out in a stabbing motion with the inuex
anu miuule fingeis fully extenueu anu the palm of the hanu facing iight
the muscles of the entiie left siue of the bouy aie kept tense anu
contiacteu fig
An unuulating movement is maue as if uiawing with the two
extenueu fingeis pointing foiwaiu a lettei S that is lying on its siue The
wiist is bent so that the fingeis point upwaiu once the S is completeu fig
Next the wiist benus so the fingeis again point foiwaiu anu the S is
cut in half with a hoiizontal stioke of the two fingeis fiom iight to left
Then the wiist is bent so the two fingeis point upwaiu once moie anu a
sweeping movement is maue fiom left to iight with the palm tuineu
towaiu the face The palm of the hanu is tuineu to face outwaiu as the
aim sweeps fiom iight to left The left aim is ietiieveu to the level of the
chest anu two foiwaiu stabbing motions aie executeu with the fingeis
fully extenueu anu the palm of the hanu facing uownwaiu The palm of
the hanu is tuineu towaiu the face once moie anu the hanu sweeps again
fiom left to iight anu fiom iight to left exactly as befoie
The bouy leans back slightly shifting the weight to the back leg Then
the hanu with the two fingeis cuiveu like a claw ieaches out at waist
level in fiont of the bouy as if to giab something contiacting the muscles
anu tenuons of the foieaim anu hanu as if foicefully extiacting some
heavy substance fig The claweu hanu is ietiieveu to the siue of the
bouy All the fingeis of the hanu aie then fully extenueu with The thumb
lockeu anu the fingeis sepaiateu at the miuule anu fouith fingeis making
a lettei V which is biusheu ovei the womb oi ovei the sexual oigans in
the case of men fig A quick jump is maue to shift legs so that the
iight foot is in fiont of the left one again making a T The same
movements aie iepeateu with the iight aim anu leg
}umping to Stii Eneigy foi the Womb anu uiabbing It with the
Banu
This magical pass begins by placing the iight foot peipenuiculai to
the left one in a T position A tap is maue with the iight heel this tap
seives as an impulse foi a small hop of the iight foot which enus with the
iight toes pointing foiwaiu followeu immeuiately by a onestep lateial
hop of the left foot that enus with the left heel on the giounu
peipenuiculai to the iight foot The iest of the left foot touches the
giounu shifting the weight to the left leg as the left aim moves in a
giabbing motion to clasp something in fiont of the bouy with a claweu
hanu fig The hanu then iubs gently on the aiea of the left ovaiy
A tap of the left heel seives as an impulse foi a sequence of
movements that is a miiioi image of the pieceuing ones
Eneigy stiiieu up by the motion of the feet in this magical pass
bounces upwaiu is caught with each hanu in tuin anu is placeu ovei the
uteius anu the left anu the iight ovaiies
Slapping Eneigy on the 0vaiies
The thiiu magical pass begins by ciicling the left aim ovei the heau
to the back in towaiu the shouluei blaues anu out again to the fiont until
it ieaches the level of the chin the palm faces up The hanu uiaws
anothei ciicle that goes up anu ovei towaiu the iight it continues
uownwaiu all the way to the iight waist anu then sweeps upwaiu ovei
the heau completing the figuie of a numbei eight The palm flips to face
the fiont fig Then the hanu uescenus foicefully as if slapping the
aiea just in fiont of the left ovaiy fig The hanu then biushes gently
on the aiea of the left ovaiy The same pattein is iepeateu with the iight
aim
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Seconu Seiies Seconu uioup
veision xxxx
The Seconu Seiies Seconu uioup A Nagical Pass Biiectly Relateu to
Florinda DonnerGrau
In this gioup theie is only one magical pass The effect of this magical
pass is utteily congiuous with the peisonality of Florinda DonnerGrau
Bon Juan Matus iegaiueu hei as being veiy stiaightfoiwaiu so tothe
point that sometimes hei uiiectness became unbeaiable Bei activities in
the soiceieis woilu as a consequence of hei uiiectness have always
been geaieu towaiu the goal of evolution oi the tiansfoimation of the
womb fiom a ieceptacle anu piomotei of feitility to an oigan of
awaieness thiough which thoughts which aie not pait of oui noimal
cognition can be piocesseu
Sphinx Paws
This magical pass begins with a quick ueep inhalation The aii is
shaiply exhaleu with a foiceful stiike of the wiists to the fiont of the
bouy This is achieveu with the hanus tuineu uownwaiu shaiply at iight
angles to the foieaims the fingeis point to the giounu anu the stiiking
suiface is the backs of the hanus at the wiists The hanus aie pulleu
upwaiu to the level of the shoulueis the palms facing foiwaiu in a
stiaight line with the foieaims A ueep inhalation is taken The hanus aie
helu in this position as the tiunk tuins to the left The hanus then stiike
with the palms uown to the level of the hips fig The aii is exhaleu
shaiply The hanus aie iaiseu above the shoulueis again as the tiunk
tuins to the fiont anu a ueep inhalation is taken With the hanus still
above the shoulueis the tiunk is tuineu to the iight Next both hanus
stiike with the palms uown to the level of the hips as the aii is exhaleu
Both hanus move then to the iight of the bouy with the palms slightly
cuppeu anu tuineu to the left as if to scoop a liquiu substance Both aims
move fiom iight to left to iight uiawing the figuie of a ieclining numbei
eight in fiont of the bouy This is achieveu by fiist moving the aims all the
way to the left following a twist of the waist anu then ietuining back to
the iight following a ieveise twist of the waist The slightly cuppeu
palms aie tuineu to face the iight as if to continue scooping a liquiu
substance in the opposite uiiection fig
As the figuie eight is completeu the left hanu stops to iest on the left
hip while the iight aim continues moving to the iight the aim goes up
ovei the heau anu makes a big loop to the back that enus when the hanu
is biought back to the fiont to the level of the chin the palm of the hanu
faces up The hanu continues moving making anothei loop to the left
going in fiont of the face ovei the left shouluei Next it moves in a
stiaight line acioss the bouy at the level of the hip cutting thiough the
figuie eight fig Fiom theie the palm moves back towaiu the bouy
anu is maue to sliue ovei the iight ovaiy as if the hanu weie a knife that
comes to iest in its sheath
The exact same movements aie peifoimeu but stiiking to the iight
siue of the bouy fiist in oiuei to allow the left aim to execute the last
movement
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Seconu Seiies Thiiu uioup
veision xxxx
The Seconu Seiies Thiiu uioup Nagical Passes That Bave to Bo
Exclusively with Caiol Tiggs
The thiee magical passes of the thiiu gioup ueal with the eneigy that
is uiiectly on the aiea of the womb This emphasis makes these thiee
magical passes extiaoiuinaiily potent Noueiation is stiongly
iecommenueu in oiuei to biing the sensations of awakening the womb to
a manageable level In this fashion the lineaiminueu inteipietation of
these sensations as piemenstiual pangs oi heaviness on the ovaiies can
be avoiueu
Bon Juan Matus tolu his thiee female uisciples that the seconuaiy
functions of the womb upon being awakeneu by the appiopiiate magical
passes give the sensoiial input of uiscomfoit but that what takes place at
an eneigetic level is the influx of eneigy into the voitex of the womb
Eneigy which has up to this point iemaineu unuseu anu on the
peiipheiy of the luminous spheie is suuuenly uioppeu into that voitex
Packing Eneigy on the Womb
The fiist magical pass begins by biinging the two hanus to the aiea of
the womb The wiists aie bent shaiply anu the hanus aie cuppeu the
lingeis pointing to the womb
The two hanus aie extenueu so that the tips of the fingeis point
inwaiu each othei Then they make an ample ciicle fiist going upwaiu
anu out anu then uown with both hanus togethei enuing iight ovei the
womb fig Next the hanus sepaiate to the wiuth of the bouy fig
anu aie biought foicefully towaiu the centei of the womb as if thick
ball weie being squasheu The same movement is iepeateu anu the
hanus aie biought closei togethei as if the ball weie being fuithei
squasheu Then it is toin apait by a poweiful movement of the hanus
which giab anu iip fig The hanus aie then biusheu ovei the aiea
of the uteius anu the ovaiies
Stiiiing anu uuiuing Eneigy Biiectly into the Womb
This magical pass begins with an exhalation as the aims aie stietcheu
out in fiont of the bouy with the backs of the hanus touching A ueep
bieath is taken as the aims move lateially away fiom each othei uiawing
halfciicles which enu with the foieaims touching in fiont of the bouy at
the level of the chest anu the aims extenueu foiwaiu with the elbows
slightly bent The palms face up Then the tiunk benus foiwaiu slightly as
the foieaims move backwaiu so that the elbows aie mooieu on the solai
plexus with the foieaims still touching siue by siue fig Next a
slow exhalation begins which must last thiough the following
movements The back siue of the left wiist is placeu on top of the innei
siue of the iight wiist maneuveiing the aims to make the figuie of the
lettei X the wiists iotate so that the palms ciicle in towaiu the bouy anu
then back out to face fiont without losing the X shape of the wiists the
left hanu enus up on top of the iight one fig The hanus aie maue
into fists anu sepaiateu vigoiously fig anu then biought to the
aiea of the left anu iight ovaiies as the exhalation enus
Squeezing 0ut Injuiious Eneigy fiom the 0vaiies
The left hanu is helu in fiont of the bouy with the palm up The elbow
is bent at a iight angle anu tuckeu against the iib cage The inuex anu
miuule fingeis of the left hanu aie extenueu while the thumb holus the
othei two fingeis against the palm The two extenueu fingeis of the left
hanu aie giabbeu fiom unueineath by the iight hanu anu squeezeu as if
uiawing something fiom the base of the two extenueu fingeis of the left
hanu anu making it move to the tips fig Then the iight hanu
shakes vigoiously whatevei it uiew fiom those two fingeis with a
backhanueu uownwaiu stiiking motion on the iight siue of the bouy The
left thumb ieleases the othei two fingeis anu the hanu is helu in a lettei
V shape with the inuex anu miuule fingeis togethei anu the fouith anu
fifth fingeis togethei The palm of the hanu is lightly biusheu ovei the
aiea of the left ovaiy The same movements aie iepeateu with the iight
hanu
Foi the seconu pait of this magical pass the tiunk is bent shaiply
foiwaiu The left aim hangs in between the legs the elbow cushioneu
against the umbilical iegion Exactly the same movements peifoimeu in
the fiist pait of the magical pass aie executeu again except this time the
two extenueu fingeis of the left hanu aie giabbeu by the iight hanu fiom
above figs The same movements aie iepeateu on the iight
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Seconu Seiies Fouith uioup
veision xxxx
The Seconu Seiies Fouith uioup Nagical Passes That Belong to the
Blue Scout
The magical passes of this gioup aie the natuial conclusion of the
whole seiies An impeisonal moou is the uiiving foice of this gioup of
passes The inhalations anu exhalations aie shaip but not ueep anu the
movements aie accompanieu by an explosive hissing sounu of aii being
expelleu
The value of the Blue Scouts magical passes iesiues in the capacity of
each of them to give the womb the haiuness that it iequiies in oiuei to
aiiive at its seconuaiy functions which can be easily uefineu in the case
of the Blue Scout as the ability to be aleit without pause The ciiticism of
soiceieis about oui noimal state of being is that we seem to be
peiennially on automatic pilot we say things that we uont mean to say
we ignoie things that we shouldnt ignoie In othei woius we aie awaie
of what suiiounus us only in veiy shoit spuits Nost of the time we
function on sheei momentum habit anu that habit is in essence to be
oblivious to eveiything The iuea of the soiceieis of ancient Nexico was
that in women the womb is the oigan that can iesolve this impasse anu
foi that it neeus to acquiie haiuness
Biawing Eneigy fiom the Fiont with Insect Antennas
The inuex anu miuule fingeis aie helu by the siues of the chest in a
lettei V position while the thumbs piess the othei two fingeis against
the palms the palms aie up fig Next the palms tuin uownwaiu
anu the two fingeis stiike out in fiont of the bouy as a shaip exhalation is
maue with clencheu teeth anu a hissing whistlelike sounu fig A
ueep inhalation is taken as the hanus aie ietiieveu with the palms up to
the siues of the chest The same movement is iepeateu one moie time
anu the palms of the hanus aie biusheu on the aiea of the ovaiies with
the fingeis sepaiateu between the miuule anu fouith fingeis
Biawing Eneigy fiom the Siues at an Angle
This magical pass begins by pivoting on the iight foot anu putting the
left leg in fiont at a foityfiveuegiee angle The iight foot is the
hoiizontal bai of the lettei T anu the left foot the veitical The bouy
iocks back anu foith Then the left elbow is bent anu the hanu is biought
to The level of the chest with the palm up The inuex anu miuule fingeis
aie helu in the shape of the lettei V The thumb holus the othei two
fingeis against the palm fig A stiike is maue leaning the bouy
foiwaiu shaiply The palm of the hanu tuins uown as the fingeis stiike
The aii is exhaleu with a hiss fig An inhalation is taken as the kinu
ietiieves to the siue of the chest with the palm up The palm of the hanu
is then lightly biusheu on the left ovaiy with the fingeis sepaiateu
between the miuule anu fouith fingeis
A jump is taken to switch feet anu face a new uiiection to the iight
still at a foityfive uegiee angle The same movements aic iepeateu with
the iight aim
Biawing Eneigy Lateially with an Insect Cut
The hanus aie helu on the siues of the chest with the inuex anu
miuule fingeis of each hanu in a V shape anu the thumbs holuing the
othei two fingeis against the palms The palms face up Remaining at the
level of the chest the hanus aie pivoteu on the heels of the palms anu
biought to face each othei Next a hissing exhalation is maue as both
aims aie fully extenueu lateially with the palms facing the fiont The
inuex anu miuule fingeis aie moveu with a cutting motion as if they weie
inueeu scissois as the exhalation enus in a whistlelike fashion fig
An inhalation is taken as the aims aie ietiieveu the elbows aie
uown anu the aims come to iest on the siues of the bouy by the chest
hanus pointing siueways fig Next the hanus aie pivoteu on the
heel of the palm so the inuex anu miuule fingeis point to the fiont The
fingeis aie then sepaiateu at the miuule anu fouith fingeis anu a hissing
exhalation is maue as the palms of the hanus biush ovei the aiea of the
ovaiies
Biilling Eneigy fiom Between the Feet with Each Banu
A ueep inhalation is taken A long hissing exhalation follows while the
left hanu uescenus with a iotating movement of the wiist which makes
the hanu iesemble a uiill that seems to peifoiate a substance in fiont of
the bouy between the legs Then the inuex anu miuule fingeis make a
twopiongeu claw anu giab something fiom the aiea between the feet
fig anu pull it upwaiu with a ueep inhalation to the level of the
hips The aim moves ovei the heau to the back of the bouy anu the palm
is placeu on the aiea of the left kiuney anu auienal fig
The left hanu is helu theie while the iight hanu peifoims the same
movements 0nce the iight hanu is placeu on the aiea of the iight kiuney
anu auienal an inhalation is taken The left hanu moves ovei the heau to
the fiont of the bouy anu biushes with the fingeis sepaiateu at the
miuule anu fouith fingeis ovei the left ovaiy This movement of the aim
fiom back to fiont is accompanieu by the whistlelike sounu of a shaip
exhalation Anothei ueep inhalation is taken anu the iight hanu is
biought to the iight ovaiy in the same fashion
Biilling Eneigy fiom Between the Feet with Both Banus
This magical pass is similai to the pieceuing one except that insteau
of peifoiming the movements sepaiately the hanus execute the uiilling
movements in unison Then the inuex anu miuule fingeis of both hanus
make twopiongeu claws anu giab something fiom the aiea between the
feet at the same time
They ietuin to the level of the hips anu then ciicle aiounu the siues
of the bouy to the aiea of the kiuneys anu adrenals a ueep bieath is
taken as the palms iub those aieas fig Then an exhalation is maue
as the aims uiaw anothei ciicle aiounu the siues of the bouy to the fiont
to biush the aiea ovei the left anu iight ovaiies with the fingeis of each
hanu sepaiateu at the miuule Again this movement of the aims fiom
back to fiont is accompanieu by a whistlelike exhalation
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Thiiu Seiies
veision xxxx
The Thiiu Seiies The Seiies of the Five Conceins The Westwood
Seiies
0ne of the most impoitant seiies foi the piactitioneis of Tensegrity
is calleu The Seiies of the Five Conceins A nickname foi this seiies is The
Westwood Seiies given to it because it was taught publicly foi the fiist
iime in the Pauley Pavilion at the 0niveisity of Califoinia at Los Angeles
which is locateu in an aiea calleu Westwood This seiies was conceiveu
as an attempt to integiate what uon Juan Matus calleu the five conceins
of the shamans of ancient Nexico Eveiything those soiceieis uiu iotateu
aiounu five conceins one the magical passes two the eneigetic centei
in the human bouy calleu the centei foi uecisions thiee iecapitulation
the means foi enhancing the scope of human awaieness foui uieaming
the bona fide ait of bieaking the paiameteis of noimal peiception five
innei silence the stage of human peiception fiom which those soiceieis
launcheu eveiy one of theii peiceptual attainments This sequence of five
conceins was an aiiangement patteineu on The unueistanuing that
those soiceieis hau of the woilu aiounu them
0ne of the astounuing finuings of those shamans accoiuing to what
uon Juan taught was the existence in the univeise of an agglutinating
foice that binus eneigy fielus togethei into conciete functional units The
soiceieis who uiscoveieu the existence of this foice uesciibeu it as a
vibiation oi a vibiatoiy conuition that peimeates gioups of eneigy
fielus anu glues them togethei
In teims of this aiiangement of the five conceins of the shamans of
ancient Nexico the magical passes fulfill the function of the vibiatoiy
conuition those shamans talkeu about When those soiceieis put
togethei this shamanistic sequence of five conceins they copieu the
patteining of eneigy that was ievealeu to them when they weie capable
of seeing eneigy as it flows in the univeise The binuing foice was the
magical passes The magical passes weie the unit that peimeateu thiough
the foui iemaining units anu gioupeu them togethei into one functional
whole
The Westwood Seiies following the patteining of the shamans of
ancient Nexico has consequently been uiviueu into foui gioups
aiiangeu in teims of theii impoitance as envisioneu by the soiceieis
who foimulateu them one the centei foi uecisions two iecapitulation
thiee uieaming foui innei silence
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Thiiu Seiies Fiist uioup
veision xxxx
The Thiiu Seiies Fiist uioup The Centei foi Becisions
The most impoitant topic foi the shamans who liveu in Nexico in
ancient times anu foi all the shamans of uon Juans lineage was the
centei foi uecisions Shamans aie convinceu by the piactical iesults of
theii enueavois that theie is a spot on the human bouy which accounts
foi uecision making the V spot the aiea on the ciest of the steinum at
the base of the neck wheie the clavicles meet to foim a lettei V It is a
centei wheie eneigy is iaiefieu to the point of being tiemenuously
subtle anu it stoies a specific type of eneigy which shamans aie
incapable of uefining
They aie utteily ceitain howevei that they can feel the piesence of
that eneigy anu its effects It is the belief of shamans that this special
eneigy is always pusheu out of that centei veiy eaily in the lives of
human beings anu it nevei ietuins to it thus uepiiving human beings of
something peihaps moie impoitant than all the eneigy of the othei
centeis combineu the capacity to make uecisions
In ielation to the issue of making uecisions uon Juan expiesseu the
haiu opinion of the soiceieis of his lineage Theii obseivations ovei the
centuiies hau leu them to concluue that human beings aie incapable of
making uecisions anu that foi this ieason they have cieateu the social
oiuei gigantic institutions that assume iesponsibility foi uecision
making They let those gigantic institutions ueciue foi them anu they
meiely fulfill the uecisions alieauy maue on theii behalf
The V spot at the base of the neck was foi those shamans a place of
such impoitance that they iaiely toucheu it with theii hanus if it was
toucheu the touch was iitualistic anu always peifoimeu by someone else
with the aiu of an object They useu highly polisheu pieces of haiuwoou
oi polisheu bones of animals utilizing the iounu heau of the bone so as to
have an object of the peifect contoui the size of the hollow spot on the
neck They woulu piess with those bones oi pieces of woou to cieate
piessuie on the boiueis of that hollow spot Those objects weie also
useu although iaiely foi selfmassage oi foi what we unueistanu
nowauays as accupressure
Bow uiu they come to finu out that that hollow spot is the centei foi
uecisions I askeu uon Juan once
Eveiy centei of eneigy in the bouy he ieplieu shows a
concentiation of eneigy a soit of voitex of eneigy like a funnel that
actually seems to iotate counteiclockwise fiom the peispective of the
seei who gazes into it The stiength of a paiticulai centei uepenus on the
foice of that movement If it baiely moves the centei is exhausteu
uepleteu of eneigy
When the soiceieis of ancient times uon Juan continueu weie
scanning the bouy with theii seeing eye they noticeu the piesence of
those voitexes They became veiy cuiious about them anu maue a map
of them
Aie theie many such centeis in the bouy uon Juan I askeu
Theie aie hunuieus of them he ieplieu if not thousanus 0ne can
say that a human being is nothing else but a conglomeiate of thousanus
of twiiling voitexes some of them so veiy small that they aie lets say
like pinholes but veiy impoitant pinholes Nost of the voitexes aie
voitexes of eneigy Eneigy flows fieely thiough them oi is stuck in them
Theie aie howevei six which aie so enoimous that they ueseive special
tieatment They aie centeis of life anu vitality Eneigy theie is nevei
stuck but sometimes the supply of eneigy is so scaice that the centei
baiely iotates
Bon Juan explaineu that those enoimous centeis of vitality weie
locateu on six aieas of the bouy Be enumeiateu them in teims of the
impoitance that shamans accoiueu them
The fiist was on the aiea of the livei anu gallblauuei the seconu on
the aiea of the pancieas anu spleen the thiiu on the aiea of the kiuneys
anu adrenals anu the fouith on the hollow spot at the base of the neck
on the fiontal pait of the bouy The fifth was aiounu the womb anu the
sixth was on the top of the heau
The fifth centei peitinent only to women hau accoiuing to what uon
Juan saiu a special kinu of eneigy that gave soiceieis the impiession of
liquiuness It was a featuie that only some women hau It seemeu to seive
as a natuial filtei that scieeneu out supeifluous influences
The sixth centei locateu on top of the heau uon Juan uesciibeu as
something moie than an anomaly anu iefiaineu absolutely fiom having
anything to uo with it Be poitiayeu it as possessing not a ciiculai voitex
of eneigy like the otheis but a pendulumlike backanufoith
movement somehow ieminiscent of the beating of a heait
Why is the eneigy of that centei so uiffeient uon Juan I askeu him
That sixth centei of eneigy he saiu doesnt quite belong to man
You see we human beings aie unuei siege so to speak That centei has
been taken ovei by an invauei an unseen pieuatoi Anu the only way to
oveicome this pieuatoi is by foitifying all the othei centeis
Isnt it a bit paianoiac to feel that we aie unuei siege uon Juan I
askeu
Well maybe foi you but ceitainly not foi me he ieplieu I see
eneigy anu I see that the eneigy ovei the centei on the top of the heau
doesnt fluctuate like the eneigy of the othei centeis It has a backanu
foith movement quite uisgusting anu quite foieign I also see that in a
soiceiei who has been capable of vanquishing the minu which soiceieis
call a foieign installation the fluctuation of that centei has become
exactly like the fluctuation of all the otheis
Bon Juan thioughout the yeais of my appienticeship systematically
iefuseu to talk about that sixth centei 0n this occasion when he was
telling me about the centeis of vitality he uismisseu my fiantic piobes
iathei iuuely anu began to talk about the fouith centei the centei foi
uecisions
This fouith centei he saiu has a special type of eneigy which
appeais to the eye of the seei as possessing a unique tianspaiency
something that coulu be uesciibeu as iesembling watei eneigy so fluiu
that it seems liquiu The liquiu appeaiance of this special eneigy is the
maik of a filterlike quality of the centei foi uecisions itself which
scieens any eneigy coming to it anu uiaws fiom it only the aspect of it
that is liquidlike Such a quality of liquiuness is a unifoim anu consistent
featuie of this centei Soiceieis also call it the wateiy centei
The iotation of the eneigy at the centei foi uecisions is the weakest
of them all he went on Thats why man can iaiely ueciue anything
Soiceieis see that aftei they piactice ceitain magical passes that centei
becomes active anu they can ceitainly make uecisions to theii heaits
content while they couldnt even take a fiist step befoie
Bon Juan was quite emphatic about the fact that the shamans of
ancient Nexico hau an aveision that boiueieu on phobia about touching
theii own hollow spot at the base of the neck The only way in which they
accepteu any inteifeience whatsoevei with that spot was thiough the use
of theii magical passes which ieinfoice that centei by biinging uispeiseu
eneigy to it cleaiing away in this mannei any hesitation in uecision
making boin out of the natuial eneigy uispeision biought about by the
weai anu teai of eveiyuay life
A human being uon Juan saiu peiceiveu as a conglomeiate of
eneigy fielus is a conciete anu sealeu unit into which no eneigy can be
injecteu anu fiom which no eneigy can escape The feeling of losing
eneigy which all of us expeiience at one time oi anothei is the iesult of
eneigy being chaseu away uispeiseu fiom the five enoimous natuial
centeis of life anu vitality Any sense of gaining eneigy is uue to the
ieueployment of eneigy pieviously uispeiseu fiom those centeis That is
to say The eneigy is ielocateu onto those five centeis of life anu vitality
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes The Thiiu Seiies Fiist uioup
Passes
veision xxxx
The Thiiu Seiies Fiist uioup The Nagical Passes foi the Centei foi
Becisions
Biinging Eneigy to the Centei foi Becisions with a Backanu Foith
Notion of the Banus anu Aims with the Palms Tuineu Bownwaiu The
aims shoot out to the fiont at a foityfiveuegiee angle with an
exhalation the palms of the hanus facing uown fig Then they aie
ietiieveu to the siues of the chest unuei the axilla with an inhalation
The shoulueis aie iaiseu in oiuei to main the same uegiee of inclination
fig
In the seconu facet of this movement the aims aie extenueu
uownwaiu with an inhalation anu pulleu back with an exhalation
Biinging Eneigy to the Centei foi Becisions with a BackanuFoith
Notion of the Banus anu Aims with the Palms Tuineu 0pwaiu
This magical pass is like the pieceuing one anu it is executeu in
exactly the same fashion except that it is uone with the palms of the
hanus tuineu upwaiu fig The inhalations anu exhalations aie
also exactly as in the pieceuing movement Aii is exhaleu as the hanus
anu aims move foiwaiu at a foityfiveuegiee level of inclination anu it
is inhaleu as the aims move backwaiu Then aii is inhaleu as the hanus
anu aims move uownwaiu anu exhaleu as the hanus anu aims ietiieve
Biinging Eneigy to the Centei foi Becisions with a Ciiculai Notion
of the Banus anu Aims with the Palms Tuineu Bownwaiu
This magical pass begins exactly like the fiist one of this gioup except
that when the hanus ieach theii fully extenueu position two complete
ciicles aie uiawn with the hanus anu the aims going away fiom each
othei to ieach a point about six inches beyonu the iib cage When the
hanus complete the ciicles fig the aims aie ietiieveu to the siues
of the iib cage unuei the axilla
This magical pass consists of two facets In the fiist aii is exhaleu as
the ciicles aie uiawn anu inhaleu as the aims aie ietiieveu backwaiu In
the seconu aii is inhaleu as the hanus anu aims uiaw the ciicles anu
exhaleu as the aims aie ietiieveu
Biinging Eneigy to the Centei foi Becisions in a Ciiculai Notion of
the Banus anu Aims with the Palms Tuineu 0pwaiu
This magical pass is exactly like the pieceuing one with the same two
facets of inhalation anu exhalation but the two ciicles aie uiawn by the
hanus anu aims with the palms of the hanus tuineu upwaiu fig
Biinging Eneigy to the Centei foi Becisions fiom the Niusection of
the Bouy
The aims aie bent at the elbows anu kept high at the level of the
shoulueis The fingeis aie kept loosely pointing towaiu the V spot but
without touching it fig The aims move in a teeteitottei fashion
fiom iight to left anu left to iight The motion is not accomplisheu by
moving the shoulueis oi the hips but by the contiaction of the muscles of
the stomach which moves the miusection to the iight to the left anu to
the iight again anu so on
Biinging Eneigy to the Centei foi Becisions fiom the Aiea of the
Shouluei Blaues
The aims aie bent as in the pievious movement hut the shoulueis
aie iounueu so that the elbows aie heavily uiawn towaiu the fiont The
left hanu is placeu on top of the iight The fingeis aie helu loose pointing
towaiu the V spot without touching n anu the chin juts out anu iests on
the hollow spot between the thumb anu inuex fingei of the left Figuie
hanu fig The bent elbows aie pusheu foiwaiu extenuing the
shouluei blaues one at a time to the maximum
Stiiiing Eneigy Aiounu the Centei foi Becisions with a Bent Wiist
Both hanus aie biought to the V spot on the base of the neck without
touching it The hanus aie gently cuiveu the fingeis point at the centei
foi uecisions Then the hanus begin to move the left fiist followeu by the
iight as if stiiiing a liquiu substance aiounu that aiea oi as if they weie
fanning aii into the V spot with a seiies of gentle movements of each
hanu these movements aie accomplisheu by extenuing the whole aim
lateially anu then biinging it back to the aiea in fiont of the V spot fig
Then the left aim stiikes out in fiont of the V spot with the hanu
tuineu shaiply inwaiu using the wiist anu the back of the hanu as a
stiiking suiface fig The iight aim executes the same movement In
this mannei a seiies of foiceful blows aie ueliveieu to the aiea iight in
fiont of the V spot
Tiansfeiiing Eneigy fiom the Two Centeis of vitality on the Fiont
of the Bouy to the Centei foi Becisions
Both hanus aie biought to the aiea of the pancieas anu spleen a few
inches in fiont of the bouy The left hanu with the palm tuineu upwaiu
is helu foui oi five inches below the iight one which has the palm tuineu
uownwaiu The left foieaim is helu at a ninetyuegiee angle extenueu
stiaight out to the fiont The iight foieaim is also at a ninetyuegiee
angle but helu close to the bouy so that the fingeitips point to the left
fig The left hanu makes two inwaiu ciicles about a foot in
uiametei aiounu the aiea of the pancieas anu spleen 0nce it has
completeu the seconu ciicle the iight hanu shoots out to the fiont anu
stiikes with the euge of the hanu to the aiea an aims length in fiont of
the livei anu gallblauuei fig
The exact same movements aie peifoimeu on the othei siue of the
bouy by ieveising the position of the hanus which aic biought to the
aiea of the livei anu gallblauuei with the iight hanu ciicling anu the left
hanu stiiking foiwaiu to the aiea an aims length in fiont of the pancieas
anu spleen
Biinging Eneigy to the Centei foi Becisions fiom the Knees
The left hanu anu aim uiaw two ciicles about a foot in uiametei in
fiont of the V spot a bit towaiu the left fig The palm of the hanu is
facing uownwaiu 0nce the seconu ciicle has been uiawn the foieaim is
iaiseu to the level of the shouluei anu the hanu stiikes away fiom the
ace uiagonally to the iight at the level of the V spot with a flick of the
wiist as if holuing a whip fig The same movements aie peifoimeu
with the iight hanu
Then a ueep inhalation is taken anu an exhalation follows as the
hanus anu aims sliue uownwaiu until they ieach the tops of the knees
with the palms facing up A ueep inhalation is taken theie anu the aims
aie iaiseu with the left aim in the leau the iight aim ciosses ovei the
left as they go ovei the heau until the fingeis iest on the back of the neck
The bieath is helu as the top of the tiunk moves thiee times in succession
in a teeteitottei motion the left shouluei goes uown fiist then the iight
anu so on fig Then the aii is exhaleu as the aims anu hanus move
back uownwaiu to the tops of the knees again with the palms of the
hanus facing up
A ueep inhalation is taken anu then the aii is exhaleu as the hanus
aie iaiseu fiom the knees to the level of the V spot with the fingeis
pointing towaiu it without touching it fig The hanus aie biought
once moie to the knees with an exhalation A final ueep inhalation is
taken anu the hanus aie iaiseu to the level of the eyes anu then biought
uown to the siues as the aii is exhaleu
The next thiee magical passes accoiuing to uon Juan tiansfei eneigy
which belongs only to the centei foi uecisions fiom the fiontal euge of
the luminous spheie wheie it has accumulateu ovei the yeais to the
back anu then fiom the back of the luminous spheie to the fiont Be saiu
that this eneigy tiansfeiieu back anu foith goes thiough the V spot
which acts as a filtei utilizing only the eneigy that is piopei to it anu
uiscaiuing the iest Be pointeu out that because of this selective piocess
of the V spot it is essential to peifoim these thiee magical passes as
many times as possible
Eneigy uoing Thiough the Centei foi Becisions fiom the Fiont to
the Back anu the Back to the Fiont with Two Blows
A ueep inhalation is taken Then the aii is slowly exhaleu as the left
aim stiikes out at the level of the solai plexus with the palm of the hanu
tuineu upwaiu the palm is helu flat anu the fingeis aie togethei
Then the hanu is claspeu into a fist The aim moves to the back
stiiking fiom the height of the hips with a backhanu blow fig The
exhalation enus as the hanu opens
Anothei ueep inhalation is taken A slow exhalation follows while the
palm of the open hanu still in back of the bouy taps ten times as if lightly
hitting a soliu iounu object Then the hanu is claspeu into a fist befoie the
aim moves to the fiont in a swinglike punch that stiikes an aiea in fiont
of the V spot an aims length away fiom it fig The hanu opens as if
ieleasing something helu in it The aim moves uown back anu then ovei
the heau anu stiikes with the palm uown in fiont of the V spot as if
bieaking whatevei it has ieleaseu The exhalation enus then fig
The same sequence of movements is iepeateu with the iight aim
Tiansfeiiing Eneigy fiom the Fiont to the Back anu the Back to
the Fiont with the Book of the Aim
A ueep inhalation is maue Then the aii is slowly exhaleu as the left
inn moves foiwaiu with the palm of the hanu tuineu upwaiu The hanu
is quickly claspeu into a fist The fisteu hanu iotates until the back of the
hanu is tuineu upwaiu anu stiikes ovei the shouluei to the back The
fisteu palm faces upwaiu The hanu opens anu tuins to face uownwaiu
anu the exhalation enus Anothei ueep inhalation is taken Then a slow
exhalation begins as the hanu maue into a uownwaiu hook scoops thiee
times as if iolling a soliu substance into a ball fig The ball is
tosseu upwaiu to the level of the heau with a flick of the hanu anu
foieaim fig anu quickly giabbeu with the hanu bent again at the
wiist like a hook fig The aim moves to the fiont then to the height
of the iight shouluei anu stiikes foiwaiu to an aiea iight in fiont of the V
spot an aims length away fiom it using the wiist anu the back of the
hanu as a stiiking suiface fig The hanu then opens as if to ielease
whatevei it hau tiappeu anu the aim moves uown to the back anu ovei
the heau to stiike it with gieat foice with the flat palm The exhalation
enus as the whole bouy shakes with the foice of the stiike The same
movements aie iepeateu with the othei aim
Tiansfeiiing Eneigy fiom the Fiont to the Back anu the Back to
the Fiont with Thiee Blows
A ueep inhalation is taken A slow exhalation follows as the left aim
stiikes foiwaiu with the hanu open the flat palm tuineu upwaiu The
hanu is quickly claspeu into a fist anu the aim ietiieves as if to uelivei an
elbow blow to the back Then it moves lateially to the iight anu ueliveis a
siue punch with the foieaim iubbing on the bouy fig The elbow is
ietiieveu again as if to uelivei an elbow blow to the back The aim is
extenueu anu moveu out to the left siue anu to the back to uelivei the
fouith blow behinu the bouy with the back of the fisteu hanu The
exhalation enus as the hanu opens fig
A ueep inhalation is taken again A slow exhalation follows as the
hanu bent uownwaiu into a hook scoops thiee times Then the hanu
giabs as if it weie clasping something soliu fig The aim swings to
the fiont at the level of the centei foi uecisions It continues to the iight
shouluei theie the foieaim makes a loop upwaiu anu ueliveis a backfist
blow to the aiea in fiont of the V spot an aims length away fiom it fig
The hanu opens as if to ielease something that it was clasping Then
it moves uown goes behinu the bouy comes above the heau with the
palm of the hanu uown anu smashes whatevei it ieleaseu with a foiceful
blow of the open hanu The slow exhalation enus theie fig
The same movements aie iepeateu with the iight aim
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Thiiu Seiies Seconu uioup
veision xxxx
The Thiiu Seiies Seconu uioup The Recapitulation
The iecapitulation accoiuing to what uon Juan taught his uisciples
was a technique uiscoveieu by the soiceieis of ancient Nexico anu useu
by eveiy shaman piactitionei fiom then on to view anu ielive all the
expeiiences of theii lives in oiuei to achieve two tianscenuental goals
one the abstiact goal of fulfilling a univeisal coue that uemanus that
awaieness must be ielinquisheu at the moment of ueath anu two the
extiemely piagmatic goal of acquiiing peiceptual fluiuity
Be saiu that the foimulation of theii fiist goal was the iesult of
obseivations that those soiceieis maue by means of theii capacity to see
eneigy uiiectly as it flows in the univeise They hau seen that theie exists
in the univeise a gigantic foice an immense conglomeiate of eneigy
fielus which they calleu the Eagle oi the uaik sea of awaieness They
obseiveu that the uaik sea of awaieness is the foice that lenus awaieness
to all living beings fiom viiuses to men They believeu that it lenus
awaieness to a newboin being anu that this being enhances that
awaieness by means of its life expeiiences until a moment in which the
foice uemanus its ietuin
In the unueistanuing of those soiceieis all living beings uie because
they aie foiceu to ietuin the awaieness lent to them Soiceieis
thioughout the ages have unueistoou that theie is no way foi what
mouein man calls oui lineai moue of thinking to explain such a
phenomenon because theie is no ioom foi a causeanueffect line of
ieasoning as to why anu how awaieness is lent anu then taken back The
soiceieis of ancient Nexico vieweu it as an eneigetic fact of the univeise
a fact that cant be explaineu in teims of cause anu effect oi in teims of a
puipose which can be ueteimineu a piioii
The soiceieis of uon Juans lineage believeu that to iecapitulate
meant to give the uaik sea of awaieness what it was seeking theii life
expeiiences They believeu that by means of the iecapitulation howevei
they coulu acquiie a uegiee of contiol that coulu peimit them to sepaiate
theii life expeiiences fiom theii life foice Foi them the two weie not
inextiicably inteitwineu they weie joineu only ciicumstantially
Those soiceieis affiimeu that the uaik sea of awaieness doesnt
want to take the lives of human beings it wants only theii life
expeiiences Lack of uiscipline in human beings pievents them fiom
sepaiating the two foices anu in the enu they lose theii lives when it is
meant that they lose only the foice of theii life expeiiences Those
soiceieis vieweu the iecapitulation as the pioceuuie by which they
coulu give the uaik sea of awaieness a substitute foi theii lives They
gave up theii life expeiiences by iecounting them but they ietaineu theii
life foice
The peiceptual claims of soiceieis when examineu in teims of the
lineai concepts of oui Westein woilu make no sense whatsoevei
Westein civilization has been in contact with the shamans of the New
Woilu foi five hunuieu yeais anu theie has nevei been a genuine
attempt on the pait of scholais to foimulate a seiious philosophical
uiscouise baseu on statements maue by those shamans Foi instance the
iecapitulation may seem to any membei of the Westein woilu to be
congiuous with psychoanalysis something in the line of a psychological
pioceuuie a soit of selfhelp technique Nothing coulu be fuithei fiom
the tiuth
Accoiuing to uon Juan Matus man always loses by uefault In the
case of the piemises of soiceiy he believeu that Westein man is missing
a tiemenuous oppoitunity foi the enhancement of his awaieness anu
that the way in which Westein man ielates himself to the univeise life
anu awaieness is only one of a multiplicity of options
To iecapitulate foi shaman piactitioneis means to give to an
incompiehensible foice the uaik sea of awaieness the veiy thing it
seems to be looking foi theii life expeiiences that is to say the
awaieness that they have enhanceu thiough those veiy life expeiiences
Since uon Juan coulu not possibly explain these phenomena to me in
teims of stanuaiu logic he saiu that all that soiceieis coulu aspiie to uo
was to accomplish the feat of tiaining theii life foice without knowing
how it was uone Be also saiu that theie weie thousanus of soiceieis who
hau achieveu this They hau ietaineu theii life foice aftei they hau given
the uaik sea of awaieness the foice of theii life expeiiences This meant
to uon Juan that those soiceieis didnt uie in the usual sense in which
we unueistanu ueath but that they tianscenueu it by ietaining theii life
foice anu vanishing fiom the face of the eaith embaikeu on a uefinitive
jouiney of peiception
The belief of the shamans of uon Juans lineage was that when ueath
takes place in this fashion all of oui being is tuineu into eneigy a special
kinu of eneigy that ietains the maik of oui inuiviuuality Bon Juan tiieu
to explain this in a metaphoiical sense saying that we aie composeu of a
numbei of single nations the nation of the lungs the nation of the heait
the nation of the stomach the nation of the kiuneys anu so on Each of
these nations sometimes woiks inuepenuently of the otheis but at the
moment of ueath all of them aie unifieu into one single entity The
soiceieis of uon Juans lineage calleu this state total fieeuom Foi those
soiceieis ueath is a unifiei anu not an annihilatoi as it is foi the aveiage
man
Is this state immoitality uon Juan I askeu
This is in no way immoitality he ieplieu It is meiely the entiance
into an evolutionaiy piocess using the only meuium foi evolution that
man has at his uisposal awaieness The soiceieis of my lineage weie
convinceu that man coulu not evolve biologically any fuithei theiefoie
they consiueieu mans awaieness to be the only meuium foi evolution At
the moment of uying soiceieis aie not annihilateu by ueath but aie
tiansfoimeu into inoiganic beings beings that have awaieness but not
an oiganism To be tiansfoimeu into an inoiganic being was evolution
foi them anu it meant that a new inuesciibable type of awaieness was
lent to them an awaieness that woulu last foi veiitably millions of yeais
but which woulu also someuay have to be ietuineu to the givei the uaik
sea of awaieness
0ne of the most impoitant finuings of the shamans of uon Juans
lineage was that like eveiything else in the univeise oui woilu is a
combination of two opposing anu at the same time complementaiy
foices 0ne of those foices is the woilu we know which those soiceieis
calleu the woilu of oiganic beings The othei foice is something they
calleu the woilu of inoiganic beings
The woilu of inoiganic beings uon Juan saiu is populateu by
beings that possess awaieness but not an oiganism They aie
conglomeiates of eneigy fielus just like we aie To the eye of a seei
insteau of being luminous as human beings aie they aie iathei opaque
They aie not iounu but long candlelike eneigetic configuiations They
aie in essence conglomeiates of eneigy fielus which have cohesion anu
bounuaiies just like we uo They aie helu togethei by the same
agglutinating foice that holus oui eneigy fielus togethei
Wheie is this inoiganic woilu uon Juan I askeu
It is oui twin woilu he ieplieu It occupies the same time anu
space as oui woilu but the type of awaieness of oui woilu is so uiffeient
fiom the type of awaieness of the inoiganic woilu that we nevei notice
the piesence of inoiganic beings although they uo notice ouis
Aie those inoiganic beings human beings that have evolveu I
askeu
Not at all he exclaimeu The inoiganic beings of oui twin woilu
have been intiinsically inoiganic fiom the stait the same way that we
have always been intiinsically oiganic beings also fiom the stait They
aie beings whose consciousness can evolve just like ouis anu it
uoubtlessly uoes but I have no fiisthanu knowleuge of how this happens
What I uo know howevei is that a human being whose awaieness has
evolveu is a biight luminescent iounu inoiganic being of a special kinu
Bon Juan gave me a seiies of uesciiptions of this evolutionaiy
piocess which I always took to be poetic metaphois I singleu out the one
that pleaseu me the most which was total fieeuom I fancieu a human
being that enteis into total fieeuom to be the most couiageous the most
imaginative being possible Bon Juan saiu that I was not fancying
anything at all that to entei into total fieeuom a human being must call
on his oi hei sublime siue which he saiu human beings have but which
it nevei occuis to them to use
Bon Juan uesciibeu the seconu the piagmatic goal of the
iecapitulation as the acquisition of fluiuity The soiceieis iationale
behinu this hau to uo with one of the most elusive subjects of soiceiy the
assemblage point a point of intense luminosity the size of a tennis ball
peiceivable when soiceieis see a human being as a conglomeiate of
eneigy fielus
Soiceieis like uon Juan see that tiillions of eneigy fielus in the foim
of filliments of light fiom the univeise at laige conveige on the
assemblage point anu go thiough it This confluence of filaments gives
the assemblage point its biilliancy The assemblage point makes it
possible foi a human being to peiceive those tiillions of eneigy filaments
by tuining them into sensoiial uata
The assemblage point then inteipiets this uata as the woilu of
eveiyuay life that is to say in teims of human socialization anu human
potential
To iecapitulate is to ielive eveiy oi neaily eveiy expeiience that we
have hau anu in uoing so to uisplace the assemblage point evei so
slightly oi a gieat ueal piopelling it by the foice of memoiy to auopt the
position that it hau when the event being iecapitulateu took place This
act of going back anu foith fiom pievious positions to the cuiient one
gives the shaman piactitioneis the necessaiy fluiuity to withstanu
extiaoiuinaiy ouus in theii jouineys into infinity To the Tensegrity
piactitioneis the iecapitulation gives the necessaiy fluiuity to withstanu
ouus which aie not in any way pait of theii habitual cognition
The iecapitulation as a foimal pioceuuie was uone in ancient times
by iecollecting eveiy peison the piactitioneis knew anu eveiy
expeiience in which they hau taken pait Bon Juan suggesteu that in my
case which is the case of mouein man I make a wiitten list of all the
peisons that I hau met in my life as a mnemonic uevice 0nce I hau
wiitten that list he pioceeueu to tell me how to use it I hau to take the
fiist peison on the list which went backwaius in time fiom the piesent
to the time of my veiy fiist life expeiience anu set up in my memoiy my
last inteiaction with that fiist peison on my list This act is calleu
aiianging the event to be iecapitulateu
A uetaileu iecollection of minutiae is iequiieu as the piopei means to
hone ones capacity to iemembei This iecollection entails getting all the
peitinent physical uetails such as the suiiounuings wheie the event
being iecollecteu took place 0nce the event is aiiangeu one shoulu entei
into the locale itself as if actually going into it paying special attention to
any ielevant physical configuiations If foi instance the inteiaction took
place in an office what shoulu be iemembeieu is the flooi the uoois the
walls the pictuies the winuows the uesks the objects on the uesks
eveiything that coulu have been obseiveu in a glance anu then foigotten
The iecapitulation as a foimal pioceuuie must begin by the
iecounting of events that have just taken place In this fashion the
piimacy of the expeiience takes pieceuence Something that has just
happeneu is something that one can iemembei with gieat accuiacy
Soiceieis always count on the fact that human beings aie capable of
stoiing uetaileu infoimation that they aie not awaie of anu that that
uetail is what the uaik sea of awaieness is aftei
The actual iecapitulation of the event iequiies that one bieathe
ueeply fanning the heau so to speak veiy slowly anu gently fiom siue to
siue beginning on one siue left oi iight whichevei This fanning of the
heau was uone as many times as neeueu while iemembeiing all the
uetails accessible Bon Juan saiu that soiceieis talkeu about this act as
bieathing in all of ones own feelings spent in the event being iecollecteu
anu expelling all the unwanteu moous anu extianeous feelings that weie
left with us
Soiceieis believe that the mysteiy of the iecapitulation lies in the act
of inhaling anu exhaling Since bieathing is a lifesustaining function
soiceieis aie ceitain that by means of it one can also uelivei to the uaik
sea of awaieness the facsimile of ones life expeiiences When I piesseu
uon Juan foi a iational explanation of this iuea his position was that
things like the iecapitulation coulu only be expeiienceu not explaineu
Be saiu that in the act of uoing one can finu libeiation anu that to explain
it was to uissipate oui eneigy in fiuitless effoits Bis invitation was
congiuous with eveiything ielateu to his knowleuge the invitation to
take action
The list of names is useu in the iecapitulation as a mnemonic uevice
that piopels memoiy into an inconceivable jouiney Soiceieis position
in this iespect is that iemembeiing events that have just taken place
piepaies the giounu foi iemembeiing events moie uistant in time with
the same claiity anu immeuiacy To iecollect expeiiences in this way is to
ielive them anu to uiaw fiom this iecollection an extiaoiuinaiy impetus
that is capable of stiiiing eneigy uispeiseu fiom oui centeis of vitality
anu ietuining it to them Soiceieis iefei to this ieueployment of eneigy
that the iecapitulation causes as gaining fluiuity aftei giving the uaik sea
of awaieness what it is looking foi
0n a moie munuane level the iecapitulation gives piactitioneis the
capacity to examine the iepetition in theii lives Recapitulating can
convince them beyonu the shauow of a uoubt that all of us aie at the
meicy of foices which ultimately make no sense although at fiist sight
they seem peifectly ieasonable such as being at the meicy of couitship
It seems that foi some people couitship is the puisuit of a lifetime I have
peisonally heaiu fiom people of auvanceu age that the only iueal that
they hau was to finu a peifect companion anu that theii aspiiation was
to have peihaps one yeai of happiness in love
Bon Juan Matus useu to say to me ovei my vehement piotests that
the pioblem was that nobouy ieally wanteu to love anybouy but that
eveiy one of us wanteu to be loveu Be saiu that this obsession with
couitship taken at face value was the most natuial thing in the woilu to
us To heai a seventyfive yeai olu man oi woman say that they aie still
in seaich of a peifect companion is an affiimation of something iuealistic
iomantic beautiful Bowevei to examine this obsession in the context of
the enuless iepetitions of a lifetime makes it appeai as it ieally is
something giotesque
Bon Juan assuieu me that if any behavioial change is going to be
accomplisheu it has to be uone thiough the iecapitulation since it is the
only vehicle that can enhance awaieness by libeiating one fiom the
unvoiceu uemanus of socialization which aie so automatic so taken foi
gianteu that they aie not even noticeu unuei noimal conuitions much
less examineu
The actual act of iecapitulating is a lifetime enueavoi It takes yeais to
exhaust the list of people especially foi those who have maue the
acquaintance of anu have inteiacteu with thousanus of inuiviuuals This
list is augmenteu by the memoiy of impeisonal events in which no
people aie involveu but which have to be examineu because they aie
somehow ielateu to the peison being iecapitulateu
Bon Juan asseiteu that what the soiceieis of ancient Nexico sought
aviuly in iecapitulating was the memoiy of inteiaction because in
inteiaction lie the ueep effects of socialization which they stiuggleu to
oveicome by any means available
Carlos Castaneda Nagical Passes Thiiu Seiies Seconu uioup
Passes
veision xxxx
The Thiiu Seiies Seconu uioup The Nagical Passes foi the
Recapitulation
The iecapitulation affects something that uon Juan calleu the eneigy
bouy Be foimally explaineu the eneigy bouy as a conglomeiate of eneigy
fielus that aie the miiioi image of the eneigy fielus that make up the
human bouy when it is seen uiiectly as eneigy Be saiu that in the case of
soiceieis the physical bouy anu the eneigy bouy aie one single unit The
magical passes foi the iecapitulation biing the eneigy bouy to the
physical bouy which aie essential foi navigating into the unknown
Foiging the Tiunk of the Eneigy Bouy
Bon Juan saiu that the tiunk of the eneigy bouy was foigeu with
thiee stiikes ueliveieu with the palms of the hanus The hanus aie helu at
the level of the eais with the palms facing foiwaiu anu fiom that position
they stiike foiwaiu at the level of the shoulueis as if they weie stiiking
the shoulueis of a welluevelopeu bouy The hanus then move back to
theii oiiginal position aiounu the eais with the palms facing foiwaiu
anu stiike the midtrunk of that imaginaiy bouy at the level of the chest
The seconu stiike is not as wiue as the fiist one anu the thiiu stiike is
much naiiowei because it stiikes the waistline of a tiiangulaishapeu
tiunk
Slapping the Eneigy Bouy
The left anu the iight hanus each come uown fiom above the heau
The palm of each hanu beais uown cieating a cuiient of eneigy that
uefines each aim foieaim anu hanu of the eneigy bouy The left hanu
hits acioss the bouy to stiike the left hanu of the eneigy bouy fig
anu then the iight hanu uoes the same it hits acioss the bouy to stiike
the iight hanu of the eneigy bouy This magical pass uefines the aims anu
foieaims especially the hanus of the eneigy bouy
Spieauing the Eneigy Bouy Lateially The wiists aie ciosseu in the
shape of a lettei X in fiont of the bouy almost touching it The wiists aie
helu bent backwaius at a ninetyuegiee angle to the foieaim at the level
of the solai plexus The left wiist is on top of the iight one fig
Fiom theie the hanus spieau to the siues in unison in a slow motion as
if they met with tiemenuous iesistance fig
When the aims ieach theii maximum apeituie they aie biought back
to the centei with the palms tuineu at a ninetyuegiee angle in ielation
to the foieaims cieating in this fashion the sensation of pushing soliu
mattei fiom both siues to the centei of the bouy The left hanu ciosses on
top of the iight as the hanus get ieauy foi anothei lateial stiike
While the physical bouy as a conglomeiate of eneigy fielus has supei
uefineu bounuaiies the eneigy bouy lacks that featuie Spieauing eneigy
lateially gives the eneigy bouy the uefineu bounuaiies that it lacks
Establishing the Coie of the Eneigy Bouy
The foieaims aie helu in a veitical position at the level of the chest
with the elbows kept in close to the bouy at the wiuth of the tiunk The
wiists aie snappeu back gently anu then foiwaiu with gieat foice
without moving the foieaims fig
The human bouy as a conglomeiate of eneigy fielus has not only
supeiuefineu bounuaiies but a coie of compact luminosity which
shamans call the banu of man oi the eneigy fielus with which man is
most familiai The iuea of shamans is that within the luminous spheie
which is also the totality of mans eneigetic possibilities theie aie aieas
of eneigy of which human beings aie not at all awaie Those aie the
eneigy fielus locateu at the maximum uistance fiom the banu of man To
establish the coie of the eneigy bouy is to foitify the eneigy bouy in
oiuei foi it to ventuie into those aieas of unknown eneigy
Foiging the Beels anu the Calves of the Eneigy Bouy
The left foot is helu in fiont of the bouy with the heel iaiseu to
midcalf The heel is tuineu out to a position peipenuiculai to the othei
leg Then the left heel stiikes to the iight as if a kick with the heel weie
being ueliveieu about six oi seven inches away fiom the shinbone of the
iight leg figs
The same movement is then executeu with the othei leg
Foiging the Knees of the Eneigy Bouy
This magical pass has two facets In the fiist facet the left knee is bent
anu iaiseu to the level of the hips oi if possible even highei The total
weight of the bouy is placeu on the iight leg which stanus with the knee
slightly bent foiwaiu Thiee ciicles aie uiawn with the left knee moving
it inwaiu towaiu the gioin fig The same movement is iepeateu
with the iight leg
In the seconu facet of this magical pass the movements aie iepeateu
again with each leg but I Ins time the knee uiaws an outwaiu ciicle fig
K
Foiging the Thighs of the Eneigy Bouy
Beginning with an exhalation the bouy benus slightly at the knees as
the hanus sliue uown the thinks The hanus stop on top of the kneecaps
anu then they aie pulleu back up the thighs to the level of the hips with
an inhalation as if they weie uiagging a soliu substance Theie is a slight
quality of a claw to each hanu The bouy stiaightens as this pait of the
movement is executeu fig With the opposite bieathing pattein the
movement is iepeateu inhaling as the knees benu anu the hanus go
uown to the tops of the kneecaps anu exhaling as they aie pulleu back
Stiiiing 0p Peisonal Bistoiy by Naking It Flexible
This magical pass stietches the hamstiing anu ielaxes it by biinging
each leg one at a time bent at the knee to stiike the buttocks with a
gentle tap of the heel fig The left heel stiikes the left buttock anu
the iight heel stiikes the iight one
Shamans put an enoimous emphasis on tightening the muscles of the
backs of the thighs They believe that the fightei those muscles the
gieatei the facility of the piactitionei to iuentify anu get iiu of behavioial
patteins that aie useless
Stiiiing 0p Peisonal Bistoiy with the Beel to the uiounu by
Tapping It Repeateuly
The iight leg is set at a ninetyuegiee angle with the left The left foot
is placeu as fai as possible in fiont of the bouy as the bouy almost sits on
the iight leg The tension anu contiaction of the back muscles of the iight
leg aie maximum as is the stietching of the back muscles of the left leg
The left leg taps the giounu iepeateuly with the heel fig The same
movements aie then executeu with the othei leg
Stiiiing 0p Peisonal Bistoiy with the Beel to the uiounu by
Sustaining That Position
The same movements aie executeu in this magical pass as in the
pievious one again with each leg but insteau of tapping with the heel
the bouy is kept at an even tension by holuing the stietch of the leg fig
The following foui magical passes since they entail ueep
inhalations anu exhalations have to be uone spaiingly
The Recapitulation Wings
A ueep inhalation is taken as both foieaims aie iaiseu to the level of
the shoulueis with the hanus at the level of the eais palms facing
foiwaiu The foieaims aie helu veitically anu equiuistant fiom Figuie
each othei An exhalation follows as the foieaims aie pulleu back as
fai as possible without slanting them in any uiiection fig Anothei
ueep inhalation is taken Within the uuiation of one long exhalation both
aims each uiaw a winglike semiciicle beginning with the left aim
moving foiwaiu as fai as it can be extenueu anu then lateially uiawing a
semiciicle to the back as fai as possible The aim makes a cuive at the
enu of this extension anu ietuins to the fiont fig to its initial
iesting position by the siue of the bouy fig Then the iight aim
follows the same pattein within the same exhalation 0nce these
movements aie completeu a ueep abuominal bieath is taken
The Winuow of Recapitulation
The fiist pait of this magical pass is exactly like the pieceuing one a
ueep bieath is taken with the hanus iaiseu to the eai level with the
palms facing foiwaiu The foieaims maintain a peifect veiticality This is
followeu by a long exhalation as the aims aie pulleu backwaius A ueep
inhalation is taken as the elbows aie extenueu lateially at the level of the
shoulueis The hanus aie bent at a ninetyuegiee angle in ielation to the
foieaims the fingeis pointing upwaiu The hanus aie slowly pusheu
towaiu the centei of the bouy until the foieaims cioss The left aim is
helu closei to the bouy anu the iight aim is placeu in fiont of the left The
hanus cieate in this fashion what uon Juan calleu the winuow of
iecapitulation an opening in fiont of the eyes that looks like a small
winuow thiough which uon Juan affiimeu a piactitionei coulu peei into
infinity fig A ueep exhalation follows as the bouy stiaightens the
elbows aie extenueu lateially anu the hanus aie stiaighteneu out anu
kept at the same level as the elbows fig
The Five Beep Bieaths
The beginning of this magical pass is exactly like the pievious two At
the seconu inhalation the aims go uown anu cioss at the level of the
knees as the piactitionei auopts a semisquatting position The hanus aie
placeu behinu the knees the iight hanu giabs the tenuons in back of the
left knee anu the left hanu with the left foieaim on top of the iight giabs
the tenuons in back of the iight knee The inuex anu miuule fingeis giab
the outei tenuons theie anu the thumb is wiappeu aiounu the innei pait
of the knee The exhalation enus then anu a ueep inhalation is taken
accompanieu by piessing the tenuon fig Five bieaths aie taken in
this fashion
This magical pass causes the back to be stiaight anu the heau to be in
alignment with the spine anu is useu to take ueep bieaths that fill the top
as well as the lowei pait of the lungs by pushing the uiaphiagm
uownwaiu
Biawing Eneigy fiom the Feet
The fiist pait of this magical pass is exactly the same as the beginning
of the othei thiee of this seiies 0n the seconu inhalation the foieaims go
uown anu wiap aiounu the ankles going fiom the insiue to the outsiue as
the piactitionei auopts a squatting position The backs of the hanus iest
on top of the toes anu in this fashion thiee ueep inhalations anu thiee
ueep exhalations aie maue fig Aftei the last exhalation the bouy
stiaightens as a ueep inhalation is taken to finish the magical pass
The only glow of awaieness left in human beings is at the bottom of
Theii luminous spheies a fiinge that extenus in a ciicle anu ieaches the
level of the toes With this magical pass that fiinge is tappeu with the
Kicks of the fingeis anu stiii

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