A Word From Our Leader Your ideas and help are required to make sure

these work and become second nature for all of

us.
We have had a lot of training and this will
continue over the next few years. Training given
up to now is;
 Ladder & Harness
 Forklift
 Excavator
 Bobcat
 Front Loader
 Working at heights
 Gas awareness training
 One minute risk assessment
We have a working at heights day on the 25th
July that everyone is required to attend, two
sessions, one in the morning and one in the
afternoon. Gents this is a must, no holiday forms
Well gents that’s the first six months completed
will be accepted for this day, except those
and it’s been a trying one for us in a lot of ways.
booked before the date was given.
We came back from the Christmas Holidays to
People missing will be sent to other works to be
find the screen had disintegrated and after a
trained.
number of repairs we finally got to change it at
Spring Bank Holiday. Thanks for the efforts of
Quality
all of you who worked hard throughout that week
I have posted the last “cost per 1000 bricks”
to enable us to be back grinding clay the
complaints for May, as you can see we are
following week, a good team effort.
paying or losing as a company £1.47 per 1000
As well as this we emptied the kiln and found a
bricks sold. We must reduce this, and this can
number of repairs were necessary. Again people
only be achieved by people doing their jobs
worked hard to get things sorted and the kiln
correctly. We need everyone pulling in the same
back up and running.
direction taking pride in their work and
With these faults we are behind our budgeted
workplace.
output for the year to date, but will do our best to
try and pull these figures back.
Finally as you have probably seen, we have
started the implementation of 14001 with Spill
Obviously the take-over by Heidleberg Cement
kits and trays being posted around the factory.
is the topic of conversation on everyone’s lips,
Again if we don’t achieve the accreditation then
but, all I can say is that things are progressing
the whole company will lose their certification,
and any information passed to me will be put on
people will stop trading with us. We don’t want
the notice boards straight away. So it is business
to be the works that cocked it up. So your
as usual and we need to keep the good name of
participation and help is greatly appreciated.
Swillington up.
On A Good Note
Health & Safety
Just remember lads we are a good team and a
This is becoming more and more the No1 topic
good works and this is achieved by you doing
on everyone’s agenda. There are a number of
what you do best. We need to get back to our best
initiatives going on, your involvement in all of
and put the first half years trials and tribulations
them is mandatory.
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behind us, and raise our game for the second half Last mth pos Name Quantity
of the year. Doing it safely, right first time, every █ 1 1 73 Class B Hanson 342144
time ▲ 3 2 73 City Multi 160128
▼ 2 3 65 Manchester 147352
Statistics Page ▲ 5 4 65 Cream Smth 123922
Month
▼ 4 5 65 Swale Dragwre 110856
Sum Of Quantity Year Name
█ 6 6 65 Rye Dragwre 75936
1,478,045 2007 June
█ 7 7 73 Farmhse Brwn 65992
1,841,064 2007 May
NEW 8 73 Victorian Multi 57600
1,691,391 2007 April
NEW 9 65 Farmhse Brwn 55296
1,799,462 2007 March
NEW 10 73 Red Smooth 44160
1,562,274 2007 February
▼ 9 11 65 Golden Brown 42940
1,426,828 2007 January
▲ 13 12 65 City Multi 42488
915,288 2006 December
▼ 12 13 73 Class B Jewson 41088
1,316,669 2006 November
NEW 14 65 Victorian Multi 40228
1,503,046 2006 October
▼ 8 15 73 Golden Brown 37632
1,483,046 2006 September
1,519,426 2006 August
The above table accounts for 75.4% of the brick
sales for May whereas the table below accounts
Its now nearly a year since I have been keeping for 94.1% of the brick sales for June
sales records, the total year to date is 9.8million Top 15 For Jun 2007
Last mth pos Name Quantity
with May 07 been easily our best month so far
█ 1 1 73 Class B Hanson 305280
with regards to sales ▲ 3 2 65 Manchester 214248
Week Com Produced Sold Stock
▼ 2 3 73 City Multi 170880
23/04/2007 427,898 476,138 15,773,680
▲ 5 4 65 Swale Dragwre 100624
30/04/2007 449,068 378,440 15,844,308
▼ 4 5 65 Cream Smth 99456
07/05/2007 272,640 339,814 15,777,134
▲ 11 6 65 Golden Brown 87100
14/05/2007 393,216 437,348 15,724,414
NEW 7 65 Red Mix Rustic 67348
21/05/2007 449,580 545,288 15,622,378
▲ 13 8 73 Class B Jewson 60288
28/05/2007 0 297,328 15,330,692
▼ 6 9 65 Ryedale Drag 51284
03/06/2007 226,436 421,680 15,135,448
NEW 10 65 Swaledale Rust 46556
10/06/2007 444,040 351,832 15,196,944
▲ 14 11 65 Victorian Multi 45652
17/06/2007 445,264 402,008 15,240,200
█ 12 12 65 City Multi 41132
All the weeks highlighted in purple are the ones ▼ 9 13 73 Farmhse Brwn 34560
we have taken off stock, of course due to the ▼ 8 14 73 Victorian Multi 33808
spring bank shutdown we produced nothing in █ 15 15 73 Golden Brown 33792
week commencing 28th May, this has helped us a The June figures incidentally do not account for
bit to lower our stock levels by about ½ million. Thursday 28th June and Friday 29th June which
The biggest selling week since I came took place were not available at the time of going to press.
on week commencing 21st May with actual sales I can’t explain the recent upturn in the sales of
of 545,288. I include bricks sent to other works Class B Jewson.
in my figures so in my records I have 551,665. The next tables over the page are mainly of
So far this year we have taken off stock a total of interest to our regular hauliers showing the top
9 times and six of them have been in the period 15 drivers by quantity of bricks delivered /
above. collected.
However just of late, sales are beginning to dip May-07
back down again. Positions Name Total
The next table shows the best selling bricks for ▲ 2 1 Stumpy 84756
May and June, both are easily topped by our ▲ 4 2 Buddy Holly 75290
73mm Class B Engineers ▼ 1 3 Caveman 68821
Top 15 For May 2007 ▼ 3 4 Archers 66346
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█ 5 5 Bruce Forcyth 58356 astonished at what he saw. With each
NEW 6 Jeff 51992 shovel of dirt that hit his back, the
NEW 7 Keith Chicken 41960 donkey was doing something amazing.
NEW 8 X72NSO / Den 41630 He would shake it off and take a step
▼ 8 9 Piggys Friend 34768
up.
NEW 10 T976DUB/Carl 29624
As the farmer's neighbours continued
▼ 10 11 V2RBC/Rudge 28060
▼ 11 12 Dicky 20792 to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he
NEW 13 Trevor 19612 would shake it off and take a step up.
▼ 6 14 Ken & Barbie 19612 Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as
NEW 15 Rastrk Potter 19612 the donkey stepped up over the edge
Standing astride the chart like a giant is our of the well and happily trotted off!
lumberjack from the mushroom farm Mr Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all
Stumpy, whereas Rastrick Potter just scrapes in kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of
at Number 15 during May because he had just the well is to shake it off and take a
been on his Honeymoon after marrying Cruella step up. Each of our troubles is a
Jun-07 steppingstone. We can get out of the
Positions Name Total deepest wells just by not stopping,
▲ 3 1 Caveman 68072 never giving up! Shake it off and take a
▲ 7 2 Keith Chicken 64377 step up.
▲ 2 3 Buddy Holly 64208
Remember the five simple rules to be
NEW 4 V73ENN/Cullen 51980
▲ 15 5 Rastrk Potter 49436
happy:
▼ 1 6 Stumpy 47652 1) Free your heart from hatred -
NEW 7 Tim 45312 Forgive.
▲ 10 8 T976DUB/ Carl 39464 2) Free your mind from worries - Most
▼ 5 9 Bruce Forcyth 29019 never happen.
NEW 10 Y473PDN 24220 3) Live simply and appreciate what you
▲ 12 11 Dicky 20292 have.
▼ 11 12 V2RBC/ Rudge 10396 4) Give more.
NEW 13 Jackie Khan 18344 5) Expect less.
▲ 9 14 Piggys Friend 16725
NOW ...
NEW 15 W814BOV 10848
Enough of that crap . . .
Moral Tale Of A Donkey The donkey later came back, and bit
One day a farmer's donkey fell down the farmer who had tried to bury him.
into a well. The animal cried piteously The gash from the bite got infected
for hours as the farmer tried to figure and the farmer eventually died in
out what to do. Finally, he decided the agony from septic shock.
animal was old, and the well needed to MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
be covered up anyway; it just wasn't When you do something wrong, and
worth it to retrieve the donkey. try to cover your ass, it always comes
He invited all his neighbours to come back to bite you.
over and help him. They all grabbed a (Contributed by Gary Smith which he said was inspired by Darren)
shovel and began to shovel dirt into Question Of The Month!
the well. At first, the donkey realized How many people are required to be in a room
what was happening and cried horribly. before the probability that there are more than 2
Then, to everyone's amazement he people with the same birthday (just month and
quieted down. date, e.g 21st June) is greater than 1 chance in 2
A few shovel loads later, the farmer or 50% (solution in next issue)
finally looked down the well. He was
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You Are A Star Wars Fan…
1) When you pass out while trying to move a
pencil across the desk with the Force.
2) When you get jealous of luke because his light
sabre is double the size of yours
3) When you get into a fight, you automatically
find yourself reaching for a light-sabre...
4) You can't resist to hum when you turn on a
flashlight
5) You're a Star Wars geek when your teacher
hands you your test back and says "commas are
your weakness." You shoot back: "And your faith
in your friends is yours!"
6) After looking at your tiny dick you remember
yoda's saying "size matters not."
7) When your stuck doing 'yoga' classes because
of a misprint on the advertisement
8) A friend gets a kick ass home audio/video
centre and you tell him, "Don't be too proud of
this technological terror you've constructed."
A Word from The Editor
Well my apologies that we missed out on a May
Issue No12+1 edition but you see I suffer from
triskaidekaphobia (fear of the number after 12
and before 14) and so couldn’t bring myself to
actually write one and anyway judging by the
general feedback from the Jungle telegraph it
seems that many readers were getting fed up with
it. Comments ranging from “Oh not another
load of aimless twaddle” to “Hey that’s
newsletters great, I read it every night before
going to sleep and guess what I’m out in no
time”
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Sadly for this Issue Daniel Lund never came up
with his promised piece and I could find no one
in the works that was willing to be interviewed.
Daniel did have a few words left over from his
last addition that came too late for the press so
well here it is, I think he was talking about the
Christmas Drinking session…
Best Memories Addition By Dan
It is well known that Swillington holds
the Hanson Pensioners Club and that
Hansons Swillington is like a
retirement home well as a Christmas
treat some of us juniors took the old
biddies out just to show them they
cant hack it anymore.
Bolly only found out in January how he
managed to get home after 6 pints of
Shandy (new name Shandy Pants)
Nak was slurring and drooling in his
pint, but Badger was the best as he left
his coat in every pub and had to get
mammy to drive him home and the
worst news of the night is that we
heard that The Three Amegos of the
Three musketeers (Gaz Johnson,
Richard Warne & Gaz Robinson) were a
trio once again
I was also promised an interview with Steve
Todd about a new get rich quick scheme called
Amway however when I plucked up enough
courage and approached him with my A4 pad he
said “Will you get lost you gormless twit or you
will end up with that pad stuffed in your mouth”
Anyway if you actually like what you read in
here and would like to have a look at my full
back catalogue you can find it at
www.madmickstories.com in fact to make it
easier I have now added a full index at
http://www.madmickstories.com/OldIndex.html
Finally on Sunday 6th May 2007 a number of us
set off for the Yorkshire Dales to climb the three
peaks, a walk of over 25 miles which took us
over 3 mountains, Pen-y-ghent (694m , 2255ft),
Whernside (736m, 2392ft) and Inglebrough
(723m, 2349ft). It was a brilliant day out but
more importantly we succeeded in raising nearly
£2000 (so far) for the McMillan Nurses and
found our way into Hansons “official”
newsletter, here is the piece about us…
The event was organised by Dennis Fox and next
year he promises to do something even more
spectacular.
Hangover Ratings
No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in
your own bed and when you woke up there were
no traffic cones in there with you.
You are still able to function relatively well on
the energy stored up from all those vodka and
Red Bulls.
However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and
still feel as parched as the Sahara.
Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and
a bag of fries.
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You
may look okay but you have the attention span
and mental capacity of a stapler.The coffee you
hug to try and remain focused is only
exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving
a full English breakfast.
5of6
Although you have a nice demeanour about the
office, you are costing your employer valuable
money because all you really can handle is some
light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net
and writing junk e-mails.
Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are
definitely a space cadet and not soproductive.
Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because
the perfume/aftershave reminds you of the
random gin shots you did with your alcoholic
friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45
am Life would be better right now if you were in
your bed with a kebab and a litre of coke
watching daytime TV.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 6
chicken nuggets and a litre of diet coke yet you
haven't peed once.
You have lost the will to live. Your head is
throbbing and you can't speak too quicklyor
else you might spew.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being
late and has given you a lecture for reeking of
booze.
You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks,
and you can't hide the fact that you (depending
on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial
spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-
up on while riding the dodgems. Your teeth have
their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look
like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you
look like a reject from a second-grade class circa
1976. You would give a weeks pay for one of the
following - home time, a cheeseburger and
somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so
you could go back and NOT have gone out the
night before.
You scare small children in the street just by
walking past them.

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which
is actually annoying the employee who sits next
to you. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every
pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of
your mouth from brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva,
so your tongue is suffocating you.
You'd cry but that would take the last drop of
moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss
doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers
think that your dog just died because you look so
pathetic. You should have called in sick because,
let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe
very gently.
You arrive home and climb into bed.
Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all
the way home in the taxi.
You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises
inside your head wake you up.
You notice that your bed has been cleared for
take off and is flying relentlessly around the
room.
No matter what you do you now, you're going to
chuck. You stumble out of bed and now find that
your room is in a yacht under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on
alternating walls knocking off all the pictures,
you find the toilet.
If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid
before you spontaneously explode and wake the
whole house up with your impersonation of
walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies,
cuddling the only friend in the world you have
left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the
walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually
comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen
hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she
usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the
dark.
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With your stomach totally empty, your
spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15
minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
You are convinced that you are starting to turn
yourself inside out and swear that you saw your
tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last
occasion.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted
partner getting up for the day as you try to climb
into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to
get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in
your hair.
You reluctantly accept their advice and have a
shower in exchange for them driving you to the
hospital.
Work is simply not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything
that might make you sick again, like moving.
You vow never to touch a drop again and who
knows for the next two or three hours at least you
might even succeed.
Then you discover a fantastic cure for hangovers,
something that is instant and immediate relief,
more drink, especially the strong stuff like
whisky neat. Now your journey is only
beginning, you lose the desire to drink with
others, pubs are expensive and there’s always a
danger that your merchandise could get spilt.
Drinking at peoples houses becomes a problem
for two reasons, one you begin to lose the ability
to control your bladder and secondly you might
need to share.
By now you are unemployable and have become
a hermit in your dingy smelly one bedroom flat,
you long for that party in your own head which
more supplies brings but first you must survive
the journey to the shop.
Your family are disgusted by your presence, your
doctor thinks you are depressed and prescribes
you tablets which just add to the euphoria when
you have your favourite drink in your hand.
Friends are a thing of the past, the local kids
laugh at you…
Finally you reach your rock bottom and call the
AA