Mice Fernandez Love One of the experiences of human life is the experience of love.

To experience love is something that is already present in man, something that is basic in him, because it is part and parcel of mans life, of every individuals existence. To experience love is inevitable since man doesnt live alone. He is not isolated and so, as a being, he is capable of being in communion with a fellow being, of loving that being. Thus, for every existing individual loving is fundamental. The experience and act of loving is amazing yet mysterious. It is amazing because it is felt and lived wonderfully. But, it is also mysterious because even though it is experienced by man its nature is still indefinable. The experience of loving goes beyond what words can tell. Nonetheless, it is still natural and essential for man to ask what love really is since it is real. How can we define or at least describe it? According to M. Scott Peck, 1love is the will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing ones own or anothers spiritual growth. But then, there are also misconceptions about the nature of love. Some people equate love to falling in love and even to dependency. These impressions and beliefs on love signify what love is not. But knowing these mistaken beliefs is helpful in depicting what love really is. Falling in love is the popular misconception about love. It is what people presume love to be since it is experienced subjectively in a very strong and powerful feeling of the individual. It is misconstrued as manifestation of love or as love itself. However, some problems arise. 2It is only a sex-linked erotic experience. It is when one falls in love one is sexually motivated. The basis therefore lies only on the male-female attraction and feeling of falling in love for each other. This doesnt hold true when a father deeply loves his children or when a friend loves her friend of the same sex. There is the presence of genuine love without falling in love to people one cares and loves profoundly. Also, the experience of falling in love implies a certain sense of temporariness. The thrilled and ecstatic feeling of lovingness on the beginning of the relationship will only end when the relationship continues any longer. Feelings change and that they are unsteady. Falling in love is based on feelings and thus it follows that it will also fade. Another misconception about love is dependency. It is a dramatic scene of an individual who attempts to commit suicide or who becomes totally depressed after a big fight, a rejection, or a separation from a lover. The individual intensely and extremely attaches his whole life to his lover. Thus, he requires his lover for his survival since he encloses his life to that person. For the individual a very big part of him will be lost when break up or separation will occur to them. The important thing for the individual is to be loved, to be cared for, to be given all the attention and
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Peck, M. Scott., Introduction to Philosophy, p163 Ibid.,165 3 Ibid., 168

time rather than to do the opposite. Even though dependency may seem to be love because it is a certain kind of force which pushes people to attach themselves to one another, still in reality such scenario is not a form of love or not even love at all because it desires only to receive rather than to give. It hinders growth and enlargement of themselves as individuals since it only cultivates infantilism or immaturity. The misconceptions written above say what love is not. What do we really mean by love? How and when can we say that it is love? Love is the will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing ones own or anothers spiritual growth as how M. Scott Peck defines or describes it. There are five points that support this definition. First, it implies a sense of spirituality. The act is defined through a certain purpose of nurturing the spiritual aspect of ones self or of anothers. It goes beyond the superficial since it aims to cultivate the totality of the individual and the other. Second, love is a circular process in the sense that when one extends himself for the others growth, one has grown and developed into a larger state of being. Thus, when one extends one also gains from this evolutionary process of love. Third, the definition of love contains self-love with love with the other individual. It is a love for humans; love for oneself, for the other, and for the human race. One therefore is dedicated not only to the spiritual development of oneself and the other but also to the people which they are a part of. This self-love therefore is indistinguishable with the love of others. Fourth, it implies effort. Extending ones limits involves effort since it is goes beyond ones boundaries, limits. Thus, ones love for oneself or for someone is real only when one exerts much effort to take an extra step or to go further than what is usual. Finally, this definition of love entails will. Will is a strong desire which is translated into action. It does not remain as only desiring, wanting, or liking to do something because it is an action itself based on a powerful intention. Love is as love does and there exist in it both the intention and the action. Also, will implies choice. One chooses to love. When one chooses to exert himself to forsake his own spiritual growth for the others development, one has already chosen to love. Indeed, the experience of falling in love and of dependency somehow may appear to be love since it is present in ones experiences. But then, given their outcome or effect on man, one can say that such experience is not a manifestation of love and not love itself for it impedes man from nurturing and developing all aspects in his life. Such experience negatively consumes mans capacity to love selflessly and to enhance ones and the others spiritual growth. Love is alive. It is not drearily kept within because it seeks to give. He strongly wills to give his all. When one loves, one gives his everything, his emotions, his feelings, his thoughts. He gives everything that is alive in him for the growth and enlargement of himself, for the significant other, and for the people whom he cares for. Though the nature of love may remain as mystery because of its richness and complexity, one may be aware that it is love when it happens to him because he feels the overflowing of love within him and so he seeks to let it out for the significant other. Thus, when people choose to love, they are in involvement, commitment, and action of letting each other grow and reach fullness.