Emily O`Connell

Ms. Caruso
English 1101

28 October 2011
Genre DeIense
The song 'Empire State oI Mind by Jay-z represents New York City by describing it and its
importance through lyrics and words in the song. It does a decent job, but a collage oI pictures would be a
better representation oI New York City because it attracts attention easier and it will reach a larger
audience. When people see a collage oI pictures, they immediately stop and stare, but when people hear a
song they usually don`t listen to the words unless they like the beat or the artist. ThereIore, the song will
be recreated into a collage. The collage will be a combination oI pictures Irom magazines, pictures Irom
the internet, words, and a Iew other objects. It will not include every line Irom the song, but rather the
lines that say the most about New York City. A collage is the best idea Ior this project because
sometimes pictures are better than words. People will be able to visually see everything that New York
has to oIIer beIore they even go there.
The collage is a better explanation oI New York City than the song is Ior many reasons. It
would likely be hard Ior someone who has never been to New York to understand everything
that is said in the song because they aren`t able to Iorm a picture in their head. II they do not
know anything about the city, then they would probably be very conIused. Also, iI someone
doesn`t like Jay-z or the beat oI the song, then they wouldn`t listen to it and the message would
not reach them. The collage will draw everyone`s attention and they will stop and look and
everything it.
Comment [BC1]: ?ou already dld Lhls use a
Lense LhaL reflecLs lL
Comment [BC2]: uo you mean Lhe acLual
llnes or Lhe plcLures LhaL wlll descrlbe Lhem?
Comment [BC3]: Choose one
Comment [BC4]: ?ou already menLlon Lhls
ln Lhe prevlous paragraph lf you keep lL work
Lo make lL have more meanlng Lhan lL dld ln
Lhe oLher paragraph
The collage is going to be placed in airports and on trains all over the world and it will be
used as an advertisement, trying to convince people to visit New York City to IulIill their
dreams. It will be placed in areas oI the airport where people are waiting in lines so they will
have time to stop and stare, and it will be placed on the back oI the seats on the trains so people
have no choice but to look at it. It should be seen by just about everyone in the world that likes to
travel, which is a great thing because people that like to travel are more likely to take a chance
and go to New York City Ior their next vacation or Ior their next move.
The downside to placing the collage on trains and in airports is that it will not reach
people who never travel by train or plane. It would be Iantastic iI we were able to Iind a way to
have the collage reach people who lived in small towns and never traveled anywhere, but there is
no good way to do that and reach the people that are more likely to travel anyway at the same
time. This is disappointing, but there is nothing that can be done to avoid it, so we can only hope
that they will hear about to collage Irom their Iriends or Iamily. Another disadvantage oI the
collage is that it will likely only be seen once by each person, unlike the song, which can be
played over and over again Ior inspiration iI it is liked. Fortunately though, the collage will be
bright and exciting so hopeIully it will be permanently stuck in the minds oI the people who
liked it.
The collage is bright and exciting because it includes many diIIerent colors and the
pictures are placed in unique positions that were designed to attract attention. It includes pictures
oI the Statue oI Liberty, the Empire State building, and the World Trade centers, which will let
people know that the collage is representing New York City and not somewhere else. It has a
picture oI the city at night with its bright lights, which are believed to inspire people to takes
chances, like Jay-z says in the line 'Big lights will inspire you. (Empire State oI Mind) The
Comment [BC5]: us?
Comment [BC6]: Work Lo condense Lhls
paragraph ?ou spend qulLe a blL of Llme
Lalklng abouL Lhe dlsadvanLages
Comment [BC7]: Such as?
Comment [BC8]: Pow? Clve deLalls
collage also has a picture oI a meal and desserts, because people go to New York City to try to
become cheIs or bakers, and these pictures represent those people as does the line 'catch me in
the kitchen like a Simmons with them Pastry`s. (Empire State oI Mind) The collage also has a
piece oI lyrics Irom Frank Sinatra`s song 'New York, New York because that song has
represented and inspired people to go to New York Ior many, many years. The collage also has a
picture oI a taxi, a bus, alcohol, McDonalds, the New York Yankees symbol, Broadway, an
apple, and girls in sunglasses. These things were all mentioned in the song, and they are very big
parts oI the city and some oI the main reasons why people go to New York. Some oI those
reasons are Ior sports, Ior work, Ior theater and acting, or just Ior a good time and a big party.
The pictures represent these very well.
Although many parts oI the song were included in the collage, there were still some that
were not included. These parts were not put into the collage because they were either ruled
insigniIicant, or they were thought to have the possibility oI oIIending someone and making
them dislike New York City. For example, the line 'I used to cop in Harlem, all oI my
Dominicano`s could be seen as Iavoritism oI one race, which is something that the collage
should not represent (Empire State oI Mind). Another line 'Everybody ride her, just like a bus
route was not included in the collage because it shows that there is prostitution and illegal
things that go on in New York City, and even thought that is something that happens all over the
world and it is unavoidable, it would be a very bad thing to include in an advertisement oI the
city. The purpose oI this collage is to persuade and inspire people to come to New York City, not
to turn them away by showing them the Iew downsides that the city has.
A limitation that occurred was that there were too many good lines in the song that were
not included in the collage because there wasn`t enough room. The collage could only include a
Comment [BC9]: pand on Lhls paragraph
8aLher Lhan Lalklng abouL all of Lhe plcLures ln
deLall glve deLall abouL a few maln plcLures
and separaLe Lhem lnLo Lhelr own paragraphs
so you can Lalk abouL Lhem fully
Comment [BC10]: use more speclflc
wordlng here
Iew really good pictures to have its Iull eIIect. II there were too many pictures, it would take too
long to get its point across and people would probably pass it by instead oI stopping Ior a second
to take a look. It was not an easy task to narrow the collage down to a certain number oI pictures,
but in the end it seemed to have worked out because it gives a quick but detailed example oI
New York City and what it has to oIIer.
Overall, the collage was deIinitely a success. It has some very motivating and detailed
pictures in it, and the lyrics Irom Frank Sinatra`s song give it a good, unique eIIect. Although it
does not represent every part oI New York City, It emphasizes the good parts, and it should do a
great job advertising the city and convincing people to visit. The collage doesn`t include
anything that would oIIend people like the song does, and every picture in it looks happy and
inviting. The collage with pictures is truly a better representation oI New York City than the
song 'Empire State oI Mind by Jay-z is, and it is expected to cause a large increase in travelers
to New York. Comment [BC11]: mlly

?ou have an ecellenL recreaLlon and you
cerLalnly Louch on some of Lhe maln ldeas
from Lhe song buL for your revlslon l'd llke
you Lo work on glvlng more deLall as l
suggesLed ln commenL 9 ?our reader wlll
wanL you Lo go more ln depLh wlLh your ldeas
so Lhey can see eacLly Lhe ldeas you wanL Lo
convey
Also l would suggesL LhaL you conLlnue Lo
work on Lhe language you use ln your papers
AlLhough you don'L have Loo lnformal a Lone
Lhere ls always room for lmprovemenL slnce lL
wlll add sLrengLh Lo your paper
l'm looklng forward Lo seelng whaL you'll do
for Lhe revlslon ln Lhe porLfollo! LeL me know
lf you need help wlLh any of lL

Ms C