Dr.

Pramod Kumar , ISB

ON BEING A BOY AND BEING A GIRL

On one of the HCL-Campus picnics, an interesting event took place. The event is as follows : All the children were enjoying playing in the water of the river. After getting wet, Boy A took off his shirt and dumped it on his nice caring sister. She was also busy playing and of course did not like to carry her brother's shirt. In the meantime, Boy A's friend Boy B also took off his wet shirt and dumped it on his friend's sister. Now this girl is running after these two boys grumbling and pleading them to take their shirts back. They of course as boys would do, did not take their shirts back. Another girl, then intervened saying "Take it back, sisters are not born to serve brothers." These boys did not bother to pay attention to what this girl said and ran away. This little sister running after them cribbing and complaining. This story raises several questions. How do boys and girls learn that they must behave differently/ How do they learn to think differently? How do boys learn that they must make a demand? How do girls learn that they must act in ways acceptable to their male counterparts? Why should this girl not simply throw away the clothes of her brother and his friend rather than running after them to persuade them to take it back? How do boys learn to expect that their female counterparts must meet the demands made by them ? The process through which boys and girls learn to act and think differently starts very early in childhood. This process is called sex-role scripting. Sex role scripting involves learning behaviours and attitudes expected of boys and girls. In every society some of these socially expected and acceptable behaviours are different for boys and girls. For example, being aggressive (kicking or throwing an object angrily) is being a boy but the same is not being a good girl. When a boy is crying, we say `that's not being boy'. But when a girl cries we try to calm her down but do not say that `that's not being a girl.' So the sex role scripting of children takes place through the process of upbringing and development. Family, playing games and toys, and stories for children, all contribute to sex-role scripting. I do not intend to suggest that nothing has changed over the decades but certainly much less has changed. In this changed process, female roles have changed but not the male role.

Family and Sex-role development

Dr. Pramod Kumar , ISB

It is in the family that the boys are encouraged for adventurous activities, toughness, competitiveness, aggressiveness, whereas girls are prepared to be emotional, caring, shy, etc. They learn it through both deliberate and unconscious appreciation and encouragement or criticism and discouragement that they receive from parents. At home we choose to tell the boy to go to the shop and bring an item needed, and we choose to tell the girl to go to the kitchen and bring an item needed. It is this that tells a boy that he is meant for an out-door shooting and a girl is for domestic roles. When a boy leaves his dish on the dining table, and refuses to take it to the wash basin in the kitchen, the mother removes it or tells the girl to remove it with a "good girl" phrase. But when a girl does the same, we say she better learns doing this, who will remove her dishes, and frequently either persuade or force her to do it. It is through this that she learns to serve. And a girl who does not have a brother wonders "Are sisters born to serve brothers!" Probably, sex-scripting is more in families with children of both sexes than either sex. In addition, parents do serve as sex-roles models for boys and girls. Games & Toys as symbols of being a boy and being a girl While changing rapidly, boys and girls learn a lot of sex role behaviour through games and toys. When boys play with the gun, racing cars, etc and girls play with dolls, and kitchen ware, they learn what is expected of them. We do not encourage our boys to play with dolls and kitchen-ware certainly, whereas we may not mind girls playing with gun. Boys play robber and soldiers game, and girls marry off their dolls. We present one kind of toy to our male children and different kinds of toys to our female children as their birthday gifts. All these serve to them as symbols of what they are going to be. Sexism in Stories and Poems for Children "Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find them Leave them alone, and they'll come home Bringing their tails behind them." "Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet ....... And frightened Miss Muffet away." These are some examples of the nursery rhymes that we teach our children with great interest and enthusiasm. We get a real kick when our two year old little one, who has barely started making a sentence, recites these poems all by himself or herself. With great excitement and pride, we ask our children to tell these poems to every uncle-aunt, visiting us. Hold on ! these were some poems that described girls. How about boys ? "Little Jack Horner, sat in the corner Eating his Christmas pie He put in his thumb, and pulled out a plum And said, What a good boy am I."

Dr. Pramod Kumar , ISB "Ding, dong bell, Pussy's in the well Who put her in? Little Johnny Green Who pulled her out? Little Tommy Stout".

While we teach our children these poems with great interest, we do not stop to ask ourselves as to what kinds of behaviours and outlook are we teaching to our little cute boys and girls. It is at this small age that our boys and girls start learning that a girl is weak, vulnerable, less intelligent, easily frightened, etc., whereas a boy is intelligent, strong, can take initiative, capable of adventure, proud of himself, etc. In addition, most of the children's story suffer from Cinderella syndrome. A beautiful, exploited, cute girl needs sympathy, easily excitable, needs to be pampered and flattered, ugly arrogant sisters, jealous, must be polite rather than boastful, pardon all those who exploit her and love and care for exploiters. And she is the nice girl. On the other hand stories describe boys as warriors and prices engaged into great accomplishments and adventure. They have the will and courage to overpower the evil. If exploited, the fight back and succeed. He is proud, intelligent, can fight, struggle out of a difficult situation, can accomplish the impossible, ambitious and aspiring, competitive, forceful, dominant, aggressive, etc. Therefore, he deserves to receive the attention of cute, polite and beautiful girls, and not boastful, ugly and arrogant ones like Cinderellas sisters. And the girls must strive to win like Cinderellas sisters. And the girls must strive to win appreciation and be a proud possession of such boys. So! What's wrong with sex scripting This question is open for all of us to think about and answer? Meanwhile, we may leave our female little one's wondering "Why are sisters born to serve!" "Why can't I be the way my brother is!" "I had very nice parents but....!" For boys it may leave several questions "Why should girls not be servile and if she isn't? "You can't take a wise advice from a girl... if she chooses to give one, ignore her." "May keep wondering as to how to relate to a dominant, competitive, ambitious, and successful women".