Introduction to Biblical Counseling

A Seminar to Equip Christian Leaders to Help People Using the All-Sufficient Scriptures

by Jim Newheiser

Revised and Updated February 2006

Table of Contents
Part I : Foundations of Biblical Counseling Psychology and Christian Counseling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 General Principles of Biblical Counseling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Theology and Biblical Counseling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 The Doctrine of Sanctification and Biblical Counseling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 Counseling in a Postmodern World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 The Tenderness Trap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Part II: Common Counseling Issues Peacemaking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 Who is a Murderer? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29 Conflict Resolution and Communication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31 Church Discipline . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35 Learning from King David’s Mid Life Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 Temptation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49 Confess Your Sins . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51 Rejoice in God's Forgiveness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53 Forgiving Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55 In Whom Do You Trust? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 Obedience to God . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59 Integrity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61 Worry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63 Financial Freedom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 The Disease of Materialism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69 Dealing with Abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71 The Pain of Porn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75 Substance Abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77 Peer Pressure: Not Just for Teens . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79 Knowing God’s Will: Part 1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83 Knowing God’s Will: Part 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87 Serve God in Your Vocation. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89 A Change of Clothes and a Change of Mind. Ephesians 4:17-24 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91 Turn Natural Vices into Supernatural Virtues. Ephesians 4:25-30 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93 Walk in Love. Eph. 4:29-5:2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95 When Good Kids Make Bad Choices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97 Helping Families with Twixters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101 Abortion and the Philosophy Behind It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103 A Matter of Life and Death . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107

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. . . . . .. . .. NANC Personal Evaluation Form . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . NANC Case Report Form . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . Are You a Fool? . . .. ... . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Some Suggested Steps When Spanking . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . Consent to Counseling . . . . . . . . . . .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .. . . . . .. . .. . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. .. . .. . Child-Centered or God-Centered Home . .. . . .. . . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .. .. . . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Part V: Quizzes Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Quiz 1 Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Quiz 2 Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Quiz 3 Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Quiz 4 Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Quiz 5 111 113 117 119 121 123 127 129 131 133 135 137 139 141 145 147 149 151 153 155 157 159 161 163 165 167 169 171 173 175 . .. . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. .. . Part IV: Homework Assignments Family Conflict Assignment . . . . . ... . . . . Child Rearing . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Homework Assignments . .. . . . . .. . .. . . . .. . . . Unfaithfulness Assignment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179 181 183 185 187 . .. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . .. . . . . . The Use of Cassette Tapes in Counseling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . .. . Counseling Observation Class . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Personal Data Inventory .. . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . Do I Have a Servant’s Heart? . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . .. . . Observer’s Organizer . . . .. .. .. .. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . Ways Parents Provoke their Children . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .. .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . Family Budget . . . . . . NANC Theological Exam . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . .. . . . . NANC Counselor’s Exam . Seven Steps of Parenting . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . .. . . ... . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . How Do I Rate as an Encourager . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . .. . . . . . . . Manipulation Test . .. . . . . . . . . . Counseling Role Play Class . . .. . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . .. . . . . ..... . . . Teach us to number our days . . . . . . Anger Journal . . . .. . .... . . . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . (Approximately) 100 “Go to” Texts for Biblical Counseling . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . Counselor’s Notes . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Table of Contents (continued) Part III: Counseling Helps for the Biblical Counselor Some of My Favorite Counseling Resources . . . .. . . . . . . . . Journal of Upsets . .. . . .. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . 50 Questions to Ask Your Wife . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .

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Part I : Foundations of Biblical Counseling .

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Blame shifting: parents. C. 1:26-27 b. The failure of the Church. Psychology and theology both deal with the same fundamental issues of meaning and value from widely differing perspectives. a. Introduction and review. B. Man is only an advanced animal: naturalism/materialism. 1. Unscriptural presuppositions and practices of certain schools of psychology.the religion of secular humanism. 1:13-15 Ps. 1. Should the pastor deal with the spiritual problems while the “mental health professional” deals with the emotional and mental problems? 2. Gen. Rom. etc. c. 3:10-18. Is there such a thing as “mental illness”? 1 .3f b. teachers. society. 32. John 15:5 II Tim. 23 Ps. A faulty view of man.Psychology and Christian Counseling I. 3:2 2. Man is autonomous: able to solve his own problems without God’s help. The emergence of the Biblical Counseling Movement. I John 1:8-10 Js. A. Excuses sin and denies personal responsibility. 51:5 c. A breakdown in society . The medical model: calling sin sickness (“mental illness”). B. Harmful errors of modern psychology. a. Is psychology a science in the same way that medicine is? 1. Jay Adams: 1970s Competent to Counsel. Man is basically good. II. or at worst a blank slate. A.

2. 4. Often symptoms (i. 6:1 Rom. 5:19-20 b. Pr. Luke 11:24-26 III. 8:5-8 D. Psychology and biblical Christianity address the same human problems from very different viewpoints. Radical separation: the pastor and psychologist are professionals working in different realms. 1:28 Js. C. bizarre behavior) go away with or without treatment. Jer. A. 3:16-17 a. Who is qualified to counsel? Gal.3. Christian approaches to counseling. Sinful behaviors and desires legitimized. Pastors refer cases dealing with emotional problems to qualified counselors. 1. II Tim. No fixed moral values: relativism. Often attempts to relieve God given guilt by destroying conscience. 15:14 2 . 14:12 Col. Secular psychology is powerless to bring about meaningful change. d. No place for God. The most serious (spiritual) problems remain. What about those cases in which people seem to get better? 1.e. 17:9 Rom. c. 2. Non-directive counseling (Rogers). Promotion of “socially acceptable” gratification of carnal appetites (ventilation). 3.

I Cor. 16 4. 8-10 Lev. The Bible is a fully sufficient textbook for counseling. 6:1-2 I Tim. and garments. 5:19-20 3 . Christians should add the best of psychology to what the Bible teaches. 3:16-17 II Pet. The goal of Biblical Counseling is to give instruction from the Bible so the counselee can achieve God’s goals in his/her life.B. That which was taken (spoiled) from the Egyptians was silver. not ideas and beliefs. 19:7-14 1. 3:19 D. They tend to accept psychological findings uncritically while neglecting sound. Counselor qualifications are spiritual. 3. They have the same problems as the integrationists. II Cor. 10:13 2. 12:31 II Tim. The danger of integration. Gal. Counseling is not the responsibility of an elite group of professionals. 2. indepth Bible teaching. These people tend to use their psychological training as a starting place. 1. 1:3 Heb. gold. with Scripture being applied to support the psychological ideas. Integration: psychologists who happen to be Christians are best suited to helping people with their problems. 10:24-25 Js. Synergism/spoiling the Egyptians: since “all truth is God’s truth”. 1:5 Col. 2:3. Mk. 4. but of every member of Christ’s Church. 4:12. 6:14-18 C. 4:12 Ps. not merely academic. Col. Their system is unusually built around an extra-biblical concept. 3. Rom. 15:14 Heb. They claim to use Scripture to critically examine the findings of psychology. 1:27-29 3. 1. I Tim. 18:3f I Cor. II Tim. Biblical counseling: the Bible is the sole and sufficient authority in counseling. 3:2 2.

5:16-25 IV. 3. A non-Christian is incapable of seeking after God’s goals or doing God’s will. Ready to Restore. Conclusion: you are competent to counsel: biblically. The Holy Spirit is the ultimate counselor. 2. b. Is there any case in which outside help is needed? 4. Rom. 4:13 Is. Other critical concerns. Jay Adams. A. 10:13 Ph. The Christian Counselor’s Manual. C. Relying upon secular psychology is a denial of the sufficiency of Scripture. 15:13I Cor. Does Biblical Counseling ever fail? Luke 18:18-25 Gen. Competent to Counsel. 8:7-8 Gal 5:18 Heb. Isn’t all truth God’s truth? Yes. Ultimately counseling is God’s work.5. 9:6 11:1f a. Unbelievers require pre-counseling: evangelism. and all error is the devil’s error. 11:6 2. 4 . How should unbelievers be counseled? 1. Is there any value to secular psychology? 1. 4:6ff V. John 14:16-17 Gal. Rom. Why might it be useful for Christians to know something of psychology? B. It is only in Christ that people have hope.

Avoid "professionalism" . Key elements in Biblical Counseling. Involvement. Why might this happen? b. The Biblical (nouthetic) Counseling Movement. Mark 6:34 Matt. not necessarily the (selfish) desires of the counselee. C. The Bible is sufficient as our textbook for counseling. The counselor is qualified through personal holiness and a knowledge of the Word of God. A. 4:13 4. Psychology and Christian counseling. aloof. 1. mechanical. 2:4 2. 1:28 3. The goal of counseling is change in conformity with God's revealed will.proud. B. Jesus felt compassion.next time the roles may be reversed. Be careful not to fall into their sin! a. 1. Phil. be humble and brotherly . 9:35-36 Heb. Harmful errors of modern psychology. Some fundamental assumptions. Introduction and review. Col. What precautions should we take? 5 . Gal.General Principles of Biblical Counseling I. 2. A. 6:1 1. II Cor. 2. distant. Instead. II. 2:14-18 4:15 3. Change according to God's standard can only take place by the power of the Holy Spirit. Christian approaches to counseling.

C. or he will have incorrectly identified it. hear from all parties involved. Organic problems should be referred to physicians. under the influence.e. 12:2 1. Often the counselee will not know what his problem is. Learn to ask good questions and to listen. Interpretation. Hope must be built from the earliest stages of counseling. You may need to get the client stabilized physically before you can have a meaningful session . 18:13 2.make them dependant upon God. 2. A tool. Prov. One of the most important issues to determine is whether the counselee is a believer. not you! 5. a. Prov. I Cor. Prov. 18:17 3. 1:6 II Cor. 6 . Rom. 4. Distinguish between the symptoms and the causes of problems.13 Phil. 10:13 Rom. Not all problems are caused by personal sin.4. 15:4-5.i. 5:17 B. 18:15 1. How should you counsel an unbeliever? ("pre-counseling") 5.the Personal Data Inventory. Investigation. lack of sleep. b. Where possible. 6. Don't become an emotional crutch . Pray with and for your counselee. Don't jump to conclusions.

28:13 4. 7:6 18:15-18 7 . 2. 2. Counseling is more than instruction. I John 1:9 Ps. The counselee is responsible to commit to obedience to God. but upon the inerrant and powerful Word of God. Helps for Counselors. Eph. II Tim. 5. 2:11 3. Don't rely upon fallible human wisdom.put on. Resources . 3. Deal with behavior. but interpret the data based upon the Word of God. Sin must be repented of . 32:3-5 Prov. 14:12 D. Intention.put off.The Christian Counselor's Manual. Instruction. not feelings. The counselee must agree to obey God. 4:22-28 Real happiness and meaning in life can only be found in submission to God's will. Acts 20:31 Gal. 4:17-28 1. b. whether he feels like it or not. If a counselee refuses to commit to do God's will. Matt. 5:14 a. Don't hesitate to rebuke sin. Prov. 4:17-22 I Thess. you may need to end the counseling relationship. You must deal firmly with sin. Don't rely upon hunches or human wisdom. Don't minimize sin. 4. 3:16-17 Eph. (Adams) E. New life patterns must be established . Luke 9:23-24 1.3. Eph.

b.F. Matt. Scripture reading and memory. destroy contraband. 18:15-17 c. Christian books. i. like a pill. We do not want to become substitute psychologists (professionals). i. Implementation.e. Integration. seek forgiveness. record of sin patterns. a. Resource: A Homework Manual for Biblical Counselling I & II. The counselee cannot expect the counselor to change him.e. plan how to deal with a particular temptation. What about confidentiality in counseling? 8 . Concrete homework assignments should be given. and tapes. c. a. The greatest progress in counseling is made in between sessions. 1. Action and obedience are needed. The counseling sessions are not ends in and of themselves. Actions and behavior. d.e. 1. 2. (Mack) G. Mark 10:17-22 3. attend church. 5. study assignments. i. makes him feel better. Journals. b. The structure of the local church should be used in maintaining accountability. by telling him something new which. pamphlets. Excellent tools are available. 4. Sometimes church discipline may be required.

9 . godly habits are built over time. Conclusion. Eph. 6:6 III. Gal. The goal is that the counselee will be able to counsel himself and others.2. You are not seeking merely a solution to one problem. 4. 4:13-14 Both you and the counselee should have realistic expectations. 3. but a total restructuring of a life over the period of time. New.

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Who is Jesus Christ? 2. What is justification and how does the counselee’s view of justification affect counseling? 2. 1. How does Jesus’ endurance of temptation affect your counseling? 3. Introduction: Why do you need theology to counsel? Key areas of doctrine. inerrancy. Explain and state the biblical basis for the doctrine of the Trinity. Bibliology. 1. What is man’s essential nature? 2. 1. and sufficiency. Is there continuing revelation? 3. How would belief in continuing revelation affect your counseling? Theology proper. Who is the Holy Spirit? 2. Why is the Bible necessary? B. 1. (Answer with Scripture references) A. infallibility. II. How can the work of Jesus be applied in counseling? Anthropology. 2. Why is mankind sinful? 2. Pneumatology. How does the doctrine of the perseverance of the saints affect your counseling? H. What is the nature of His work on the cross? 4. How could faulty eschatology affect a counselee? J. How is each person of the Trinity involved in your counseling? 3. In what ways and to what extent has sin affected mankind? 3. How does the truth that God is Creator and Lord impact your counseling? Christology. How does your view of Scripture affect your approach to counseling? 4. 1. 1. and how does your view affect counseling? 3. What does it mean to be in the image of God? Hamartology. What place does natural revelation have in Biblical Counseling? 3. List ten attributes of God and explain how they relate to your counseling. What role should the church play in the counseling process? Eschatology. 1. 2.Theology and Biblical Counseling I. How can we know God’s truth? 2. Explain the terms inspiration. 1. What role does the Holy Spirit play in salvation? 3. 4. authority. Epistemology. How does eschatology affect counseling? 2. What is the church? 2. 1. F. What is your view of sanctification. D. Ecclesiology. G. 11 . What role does the Holy Spirit play in counseling? I. Soteriology. 1. E. How will this affect your counseling? C.

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The key to holiness is understanding your union with Christ. Do you want to be holy? A. 6:1-10 Col. Put off sin. 3. Third. Rom. but the power of sin over you has been broken. 3. This does not mean that you will live in sinless perfection. 1:6 III. 1. 6:15-18 II Cor.. 13 . Unbelievers are enslaved to sin: Not able not to sin. B. remember who you are in Christ. Rom. A. Rom. IV. 4:22f A.. By grace. Introduction. 6:12-13. 2. 6:12-13a. C. Rom. Put on righteousness. B. act according to who you are in Christ. 2:12-13 V. 6:13b. 19b C. Second. 19b Eph. Sanctification by mere law. Does grace promote sin? 6:1. Sanctification involves effort and action. Rom. you must be in Christ. Remember who you are in Christ. Rom. First. Rom. 3:1-5 2. B. Passive sanctification. 19c 12:1 D. 15 B. 5:17 Grace has emancipated you from sin’s tyranny: able not to sin. fight your sinful flesh and use your body to serve God. Biblical commands are based upon who you are in Christ.The Doctrine of Sanctification and Biblical Counseling (Romans 6) I. God is at work in believers. How does grace make you holy? II. 6:14 Titus 2:11-14 Phil. Phil. You have been freed from sin and enslaved to righteousness. Victory is assured. A. Rom. You are united with Christ in His death and resurrection. Sudden sanctification by formula or experience. 6:17 8:7-8 3:10f B. 6:11 A. Unbiblical views of sanctification will impede your spiritual growth. 1.

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As the philosopher Richard Tarnas states. Postmodernism is largely a reaction to the assumed certainty of scientific. How would modernism affect one’s view of counseling? 9. Religion gives society uniformity. Acts 17 Paul at Athens. For this reason.a characteristic of the so-called "modern" mind. Understand the times in which we live: Truth Decay. it must realize that even its own principles are not beyond questioning. 1. Man can express ultimate realities using language. Divine revelation is the final arbiter of truth and gives reality and meaning to all things. and cultural and literary criticism. 3. Pre-modernity. Modernism assumes a unified view of truth and reality. Modernism is a man-centered view of reality. postmodernism is highly skeptical of explanations which claim to be valid for all groups. interpretation is everything. 8. Postmodernism relies on concrete experience over abstract principles. 4. Postmodernism is "post" because it denies the existence of any ultimate principles. it stems from a recognition that reality is not simply mirrored in human understanding of it. 2. Introduction: Why do you need to know about postmodernism? Acts 17 II Co. 6. philosophical. in placing all principles under the scrutiny of its skepticism. philosophy. What is post-modernism? A general and wide-ranging term which is applied to literature. or objective. traditions. and it lacks the optimism of there being a scientific. efforts to explain reality. art. cultures. 10:4-5 A. knowing always that the outcome of one's own experience will necessarily be fallible and relative. 3. and instead focuses on the relative truths of each person. is constructed as the mind tries to understand its own particular and personal reality. Modernism (Beginning in the 17th Century: the Enlightenment) 1. thereby liberating humanity from religious mythology. In essence. I Chron. or races. postmodernism "cannot on its own principles ultimately justify itself any more than can the various metaphysical overviews against which the postmodern mind has defined itself. The paradox of the postmodern position is that. Reason replaces revelation as the final arbiter of truth. 5. In the postmodern understanding. or religious truth which will explain everything for everybody . fiction. architecture. rather than certain and universal. Christian apologists have worked for the past 200 years to answer modernism. which mankind can discover through reason and science: laws of nature. reality only comes into being through our interpretations of what the world means to us individually. 13:11 A. 12:32 Rom. How would this worldview affect counseling? B. Mankind is dependent on God Who makes and organizes history. 7. 2. 5. Modernism is optimistic about human potential and progress. among others. Mankind makes his own history.Counseling in a Postmodern World I. which looks to man to understand the world and solve his problems through intellectual and scientific endeavors. Pre-modern thought presupposed a God-centered view of reality (but not necessarily Christian). 4. 15 . It is important to understand the worldview of those whom we are seeking to reach. but rather." (From the PBS website) II. Modernism stresses individualism and autonomy. (Up to the 17th century). B.

A battle is raging in our universities between modernism and postmodernism. Postmodernism affects our culture in many ways. 7. 5:20 D. Truth has been replaced with truthS. Religion has been used as a means of power and control. III. Language cannot render truths about the world in an objective way: word games. Written texts do not have a single knowable meaning or truth value. 16 . All meaning is socially constructed. b. 2. There is no absolute right and wrong for all people. 3. 5. Postmodernism and education. Postmodernism and morality. There is no meta-narrative (the big story which explains everything). 5. Religious texts must be deconstructed.C. d. 4. not the author. B. C. Postmodernism is revolutionary: Modern society with its rationalism and unitary view of truth needs to be replaced by a new world order. 8. 2. Postmodernism is pluralistic. 1. A. Pluralism and doubt in the pulpits. Redefining family and gender roles. Postmodernism and the media. 2. Truth is made rather than found. 3. Some churches cater to the postmodern generation. 3. a. Postmodernism and politics (including the judiciary). 3. Tolerance is the cardinal virtue. The professing church has been influenced by postmodernism. Postmodernism exalts the community. 2. Truth is a construct and is relative. Postmodernism critiques modernity’s claim that mankind can gain objective knowledge through rationalism and empiricism. The heretic is the one who dares to believe he has the truth. The influence of postmodernism. 5. Postmodernism and history. 1. 4. 1. Postmodernism and the arts. The arguments Christian apologists make against modernism don’t work against post-modernism. c. Postmodernism and the natural sciences. Postmodernism denies the existence of fixed absolute universal and objective truth. Religious pluralism. 4. Deconstructing the Bible. Collective guilt minimizes personal responsibility. The meaning of words and texts is determined by the reader. Religion often fails to respect the perspectives of other communities. There is no truth to which language corresponds. Postmodernism and religion. 1. 3. 9. Sexual morality. 4. Truth claims have been used as instruments of oppression and power. Isa. 6. 6. Postmodernism (Beginning in the mid-20th century). 7. 2. 1.

Most people intuitively believe they have individual identities. Postmodernists are intolerant of those who question their meta-narrative by believing in some other absolute truth.21. live in an objective world. 4. He has created us in His image for His own glory. Deep down everyone knows God exists and that they are accountable to Him. Pluralism: Psychology is moving from modernism to postmodernism. John 1:1 Gen. 1:20 c. Pessimism and Nihilism. Gen. then it is false. There are some useful aspects to postmodernism’s critique on modernity. Rom. 3:16-17 Isa. IV. I Co. 5. including both modernism and postmodernism is an attempt to suppress the knowledge of God. 7:24. Romans 1:19-20. Mt. 4. 2:9-16 b. 40:8 Ps. 2. 119:142 a. Meaning is not subjective... Postmodernists have exposed the modernist myth of objectivity. Postmodernism is unable to meet the deepest human needs. 1. 1. b. Postmodernism is internally inconsistent: It collapses upon itself. If postmodernist claims are not true then they are just the arbitrary opinions of people we are free to ignore (Craig). Unashamedly present a biblical view of truth: There is a personal God Who has created all things and has revealed Himself to us. B. 8:6 2. II Pe. Irrationalism. Mankind cannot autonomously arrive at ultimate truth or create utopia. 3. Genesis 1:1f 1. Isa. D. God speaks with clarity and authority. II Ti.26 17 . 1:9-10 1. Ro. Postmodernism is self-referentially incoherent. Postmodernism itself is a meta-narrative which tries to explain reality. The impact of postmodernism on counseling. God’s Word redeems. then those claims are themselves the mere products of social forces and so are not objectively true. a. False thought. Gen. if it is true. Gen.4-5 2. How can you persuade postmodern people to seek the God of the Bible? 1. 1:28f d. The Bible reveals objective truth that is knowable to humans in spite of our limitations as finite and fallible human beings. Postmodern thought is not really new. 1. We are dependent upon God’s Words. We are right to be wary of how mankind uses language.32 2:14-15Acts 17:24-31 2. 2:19-20 d.E. Postmodernists cannot consistently apply their system in the real world. Eve chose to remake herself and to establish her own truth/reality. 10:5 A. C. and truth is not merely a social construction. We need the Holy Spirit to understand. Genesis 3:6 3.25 E... Satan deconstructed God’s Word. Genesis 3 Isa. God’s language existed before human beings. If postmodern claims are objectively true. 1:27 I Co. The heart of sin is seeking autonomy from God. 11 2. Rom. 2. That is to say. Language is not a human construction. Relativism. 10:17 3. God gave the gift of language to men. Genesis 3:1. 1:1f c. 5:20 Ecc.. 5:20 3. How can a Christian answer postmodernism? II Co. 1:18b.

4. 2:11f Rom. V. 6. 5. Rom. John 8:32 The gospel unites people of all cultures into one community. 7:9-10 5:9 Concluding applications: What is truth? John 20:28 18 . Truth is God’s truth. Eph.17 Acts 4:12 I Co. 1:18f God’s truth (alone) will set you free. 15:1f Mankind seeks autonomy from God. John 14:6 1:14. 7. revealed in Christ.

I would like to help you to avoid taking even the first step. Falling into the Tenderness Trap How it Started. Now he has fallen. These situations do not come about because the counselee or the counselor begins with wicked motives (Prov. patiently and tenderly listens to her problems expressing concern and compassion. In their sessions together this unhappy woman is finding genuine help from the encouragement her pastor is giving her from the Scriptures. Specifically. The questions abound. Still. giftedness. He has seen all too many "failures" in ministry." He got too emotionally involved with women he was counselling. and most of these women have problems in their marriages. and soundness of doctrine was widely recognized. the pastor is gaining a sense of fulfillment from this success. This time. Another Pastor has fallen. including some that are relevant to others in ministry: How did it happen? Where did he go wrong? And how can you and I avoid following in his tragic footsteps? This pastor did not actually commit adultery. faces great challenges. 7:6ff). It was a man of sound doctrine with over twenty years of faithful ministry. In this article. There is even concern that the body to which he devoted his life will be divided.) The Tenderness Trap (by Jim Newheiser) It happened again. whose whole life has been ministry. it wasn't a liberal or a glitzy television preacher. He has probably taken precautions to avoid temptation or even the appearance of evil. the counselor and the counselee are facing a situation filled with danger.including jealous husbands think that he got off too easy. Most people in these cases begin with good intentions and wind up with disaster. He is the spiritual leader her husband has never been. though. he crossed some lines and is no longer above reproach. The pastor/counselor wants to faithfully minister the Word to such a woman. He was a mentor who guided many young pastors. by keeping his office door open and having his secretary nearby. This was a man who contended for sound doctrine. . Their faith has been shaken. The pastor. He was not looking for sexual excitement or fulfillment. "Tell it not in Gath lest the enemies of truth rejoice!" The pastor himself. He simply fell into "The Tenderness Trap. meanwhile. Some feel betrayed by the man who was a father and a brother to them. In so doing. She seems to be drawing closer to the Lord. He was and is very happy in his marriage. Tragically.(The following is a semi-fictional compilation of various experiences of Christian leaders. he has been disqualified for ministry. They seek help from their pastor to learn how to better please God. a man whose godliness. The sheep he served are wounded and confused. Others are angry at the other leaders for their handling of the problem. The woman's husband doesn't have time for her and won't listen to her. most individuals who come for pastoral counseling are women. At the same time. 19 . Ruinous sin is the culmination of a process (James 1:14-15). How could he have abused his trust in this way? There is concern that the church may not be able to complete the building program begun under this pastor's leadership. How will he support his family with so few marketable skills? Where will he go to church? What role will he play? How can he face his wife and children after what he has done? They too must live with the consequences of his actions. Couldn't they have shown more compassion to a man who had served them faithfully for so long? Still others.

A Ministry Ruined. Both of them find that they are enjoying the attention. and that he needs to be strong. New ministries are being established. He can keep the situation under control without involving or upsetting others. a hug or holding hands. Perhaps there is physical contact. If he were to tell his wife. and when sin is accomplished it brings forth death" (James 1:15).then a longer one. God must not think that he is wrong.Danger Signs. attraction. perhaps with a prayer of confession asking for strength. or others in the church learn about this? Gossips would have a field day and his ministry could be ruined. By now. He finds himself looking forward to their meetings. who cares about my feelings." Of course. may find that he enjoys having a woman so dependent on him for advice and support. He is still preaching powerfully. At some point in the counseling sessions a line is crossed. he would experience terrible embarrassment. Those inside or outside of the church who have sought an opportunity to discredit him would have their chance. the two put these thoughts quickly aside. One of them realizes that they have gone too far. "When lust has conceived. content. The pastor. They may both be intrigued by the male-female electricity of their friendship. Neither the pastor nor the counselee has any intention of moving towards a romantic relationship. which outwardly appears to be brotherly. though thus far it is "low voltage". perhaps the "brotherly" hug or pat on the back is followed by a short kiss . What if this woman's husband gets upset. sooner or later he will get burned. or a touching 20 . He is a strong Christian leader. but now the price of corrective action seems too high. He enjoys meeting her emotional needs successfully and feels protective of her. but bonding is taking place. meeting with this woman alone in the office. As the counseling relationship progresses. he hasn't actually committed adultery. New members are coming. Finally. If he goes to his fellow elders and confesses his fault. So the pastor rationalizes. Lines Crossed. meanwhile. and frequency of their meetings. He may even realize that he is having more intimate conversations with her than with his wife." or "I wish that I had married a man like this. The woman. and emotional involvement. the pastor is getting worried. yet the pair experience mixed emotions. otherwise he and the church wouldn't be so blessed. or failing to tell his wife everything he should about the length. it gives birth to sin. trusts her pastor as a man of God. The woman may be tempted to think. if the counselor/pastor were ever to become involved with her. she would be deeply hurt. both the counselor and counselee may begin to have thoughts that should have alerted them to danger before it was too late. They might make a mountain out of a molehill. She can't imagine that anything inappropriate could happen. Perhaps the pastor finds himself violating some his own rules. Soon. She might also misunderstand and think that there is something wrong with her. The pastor may tell himself that this is a way that Satan is tempting him. To the degree that they recognize this temptation. "If only my husband were a spiritual leader like him. If one keeps playing with fire. counseling women is part of his job as an undershepherd in God's flock. perhaps what he is doing isn't so bad after all. Why rock the boat? After all. Things seem to be going smoothly enough at home. He realizes that he has gone too far. for his part. the thought of emotional involvement has probably occurred to one or both of them. After all. these very qualities would be betrayed by their bond.

but will continue taking fire into their bosom (Prov.and keep them. You do not want to undermine that relationship. and making it clear that this just isn't done. Paul says. Ordinarily.don't make exceptions for unattractive women! If you find yourself wanting to bend or break the rules take it as a warning sign and immediately go to your fellow elders and your spouse. I ask another woman from the church to take care of her. 21 . A few will finally turn themselves in. It is not right to talk about his sins without him present. Though both of them may be shocked on one level. "Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (1 Cor. We might ask. I recommend pulling quickly away. What happens next can vary. if a woman is having problems with her marriage. • Do not talk about the physical relationship in marriage without the husband present. so he is patient to bring you to that point little by little. If a counselee tries to touch you. 3. caring men who know how to speak words of kindness. Apply your rules uniformly . Some will still not cross that line. even to the point of collapse. Furthermore. Respect your counselee's marriage relationship. • Do not touch a female counselee in a counseling session. As you explain these rules to your counselee. Satan knows that he probably cannot tempt you to immediately fall into adultery. Don't Trust Yourself. and will watch others suffer as a consequence of their sin. Many good (and even unattractive) men have fallen who would never have imagined that it could happen to them. It is important to remember that you make your way down the road to ruin one step at a time. When you are counseling a married woman. I keep my desk between myself and them no matter what. "Why didn't one of them stop this when it happened?" While outwardly both of them were outwardly treating their relationship as purely pastoral. I suggest the following: • Do not meet alone with a female counselee if you are not visible to others. The great majority will not stop until they are caught. He has never felt attracted to any members of his congregation or come close to crossing any lines in counseling relationships. 1. 6:27). her husband should also be present for counseling. A friend reminded me that women are most prone to fall for the tender. but because you want to ensure that both of you remain above reproach. Make Strict Rules . he knows that he is strong. Some men are confident that they are safe because of their older age or mediocre looks. I have had women weep in my office. "This could never happen to me. Avoiding the Tenderness Trap How can you avoid falling into the tenderness trap? I have found several principles to be essential. Some men will say. 2. If a woman needs a hug. Keep the door open. Many couples will go on to commit adultery. remember that she is under her husband's authority." Such a man will talk about how happy and fulfilled he is in his marriage. tell her that you hold to them not because you don't trust her or because she can't trust you. it seems very natural on another. But all will suffer greatly.which is clearly more than "brotherly". the emotional intimacy they had developed led very naturally to this point. 10:12).

This eliminates many of the problems that could occur in a male-female counseling situation. Many pastors lack such older women in their churches. however. and your spouse. from the CCEF San Diego Summer Institute in Biblical Counseling. If a woman counselee is unwilling to agree to this condition. the best thing you can do is to confess your sin to your fellow leaders. My recent practice has been to meet with a woman a couple of times. God will use you in new ways in For example. decline to meet with her. when a pastor is initially confronted about a compromising situation. God has borne fruit through you in the past despite of your sin. Accept the consequences. 4. In addition to asking God to raise up such women. your marriage is more important than a woman's privacy. livelihood. Entrust yourself to the Lord through them. If there is any question in your mind. I. Titus 2:3-5 states that older women are uniquely qualified to help younger women be godly wives and mothers. seek accountability! Remember how deceitful the heart is (Prov." "We didn't actually commit adultery. there is either denial or minimization: "I'm just a man. 1 22 . absolute confidentiality must be maintained. 2:22). they may be better able to address many problems than you are. the church." Usually the pastor is concerned with keeping the matter as private as possible in order to protect himself. If you are experiencing any "warning signs" or if you fear that you may have crossed some lines yourself. It is hard to believe that the "repentance" shown at this point is any more than preservation of pride. see "Why Women Should Counsel Women" by Elyse Fitzpatrick. I know more than one pastor. Don't expect to be restored to office or paid ministry in the future. Advice to Those Who Have Fallen The great majority of men continue in sin until they are caught (busted). Willingly relinquish your office and find a way to honorably support your family. Take comfort in God's forgiveness (Psalm 51)." "I'll never do it again. If you as a pastor or a counselor have acted inappropriately. and the church. The exceptional cases should be treated with the greatest caution. his family. they don't have any peers in the church in whom they feel that they can safely confide. 1 5. Keep your wife and your fellow elders aware of your counseling appointments and the general subject matter of your meetings. pastors must select women with potential for such a ministry and train them. Submit to whatever discipline your fellow leaders impose upon you. Within that circle. In many ways. It is much easier to snuff out a small flame than to fight a raging forest fire. Also. Usually. One pastor whom I respect will not meet more than twice with a woman without her husband present. hold very little hope for the restoration of a man who persistently violates his conscience and has to be caught and proven guilty before he "repents". Get other women involved in counseling women. Warn others against the same sins. Remain Accountable. Seek and submit to their counsel. (1994). One of the great dangers many pastors face is that they are on such a pedestal. the CCEF introductory course videos might be useful for this purpose.Ordinarily. an exception might be if the husband is an unbeliever. immediately made himself strictly accountable to others and the situation was diffused before disaster struck. however. Such a lofty perch is a precarious one. tell your fellow elders immediately (2 Tim. and reputation. you should not meet with a woman without her husband's knowledge and approval. I then place her in a more intense counseling/discipleship relationship with a more mature woman under my supervision. 14:12)." "Everyone deserves a second chance. who when he started to feel tempted or attracted to a woman.

the church at large will have great needs.the future. You will also need to help the others who have been affected. If the fallen brother is willing to submit to discipline. Some will think you are too strict. 5:20). 9:27). The woman and the other family members involved will also need counsel. Those who have trusted and loved their pastor may be terribly disillusioned. 23 . When time comes to hire a new pastor. While many may be concerned for the parties involved in the sin. Regardless of the size and scope of my life's work. it may be appropriate for the elders to provide financially for his transition to "secular work". I have kept the faith" (2 Tim. you too are going through a traumatic time of heartache. I can say with Paul. children. but the only way to avoid gossip and false accusations against you is to fully lay out the charges (1 Tim. They should also offer ongoing counsel and accountability which will. seek to practice genuine plural leadership and mutual accountability. They should be encouraged to look to the Lord as our perfect head and example. The fact that their leader has fallen does not negate the benefits they received from his ministry in the past. Advice to Fellow Leaders As you minister to a pastor or counselor in such a situation. They should be reminded that only Christ is sinless. rather than putting him on a dangerous pedestal. and to watch themselves. it is hoped. and the church at large). I want to arrive at the finish line without having been disqualified (1 Cor. "I have fought the good fight. others will be upset because you are too lenient. I want to be found faithful at the end . Those who have sinned must seek forgiveness from those who have been wronged (spouses.that I have not done anything to bring hurt and disgrace upon the Name of the Lord and His church. lead to his restoration to usefulness (but not office). You may be tempted to disclose less than the whole truth out of compassion for those who sinned. A Final Word to Those Who Haven't Fallen What is your goal in ministry? Do you want to have a big church? Do you want to have a reputation as a great preacher? My goal is that when my life and ministry are ending. deal with firmness and love. Realize that you are likely to be criticized for your actions by some members of the congregation. Finally. I have finished the course. 4:7).

Part II: Common Counseling Issues

Evaluate options objectively and reasonably. Avoid if. 5:6-7 15:33 Titus 3:9-11 II Jo. Forgiveness is not optional for forgiven people. Search for creative solutions.22 25:28 15:18 14:19 Mt. 14:19 I Pe. 7:10-11 Address everyone involved. maybe. I will not allow this incident to stand between us. James 4:1-2 Pr. Man/Man. 1:19 3:1f B. 1:19 I Pe. Do all that is within your power to pursue peace. 6:19 26:21 18:21 10:19 Ti. 10:34-38 18:15f Jer. Mt. 6:1-8 2. You cannot completely avoid conflict. Peace is sometimes out of your reach. 18:21-35 Jer. 12:15f Ga. II. 28:13 1. I will not bring this incident up and use it against you. Alter your behavior. 1:9 2:11f Heb. Conflict is very dangerous (The Slippery Slope. 1. slander. Conflict brings opportunity: to glorify God. 11:9 29:22 12:18 14:17 18:8 16:28 11:13 I Co. 1:9-11 Lu. Accept the consequences. 6:12 I Co. 1. God does not hold you responsible for the sinful failures of others. c. I will not think about this incident. Affirm relationships. 12:15 D. murder. 6:7 Phil. gossip. 2:3-4 Js. 10:31 III. 4:8 Pr. Mt. 10:12 17:14 19:11 29:11.20. 2. There are some people with whom it is impossible to make peace. 86:5 Eph. 5:39-40 I Co. Seek forgiveness for whatever fault you may have (even if it is only 10%). I Co. 18a A. 16:17-18 Mt. 8:28-29 12:14. and to bear witness to a watching world. All conflict is the result of sin: Man/God. 7:1-5 5:23-24 Pr. 16:17 Pr. Eph. Some fight: revenge. 3:12-14 1. Overlook minor offences. 12:17-21 Mt. 5:39-40 I Co. 4:13 2. 2:24 Mt. assault. 27 . b. 4:29 Js. Ro. to be more like Christ. 12:14 A. 5:23-24 II Co. Understand the interests of others: listen! Phil. d. Ps. Don’t make things worse through unbiblical methods of handling conflict. Acknowledge the hurt. Confess your sins: Get the log out of your eye. 15:18 3. 4:1-2 B. 8:11 Acts 20:28 Pr. escape. Ask for forgiveness.12 Js. You must deal with your own sin before you can help others to overcome theirs. 3:10 Eph. Use the PAUSE principle in negotiating/peacemaking (from The Peacemaker). Daniel 1 Ecc. 31:34 2. I Co. 13:5 a. 5:10 Gen. 2:22-25 Heb. 1. to serve others. Be ready to forgive others as God has forgiven you. 2:15 2. 23:23 Jude 3 I Co. Don’t stir up strife. Others flee: denial. 5:9 Heb. Mt. I Co. 2:5f Mt. Romans 12:18 I. 6:7 C. Make the promises of forgiveness (from The Peacemaker). Mt. 4:32 Col. from The Peacemaker). 2:14 Col. 20:5 4. (7 A’s from The Peacemaker) Mt. v. 3:10. Face up to the root of sin in your own heart. 9:16 5. 6:12 Mt. 5:21-22 Pr. 13:7 3. E.20 I Co. You cannot make peace at the expense of truth and righteousness. 4. C. Seek forgiveness biblically.Peacemaking. lawsuits. Prepare for peacemaking. D. 3:7 Pr. I will not talk to others about this incident. verbal attacks. Introduction and review: God tells you how to make peace. 4:26b I Sam. suicide. Admit specifically. but. 7:15 3.

If he refuses to listen to the church. seek godly counsel to help you. Finally. 9:6 57:21 Lu. Matt. Mt. 1:79 2:14 19:38 Eph. 18:18-20 3. How can these principles be applied with unbelievers? D. take it to the church. Mt. 5:5-7 15:33 Dt. Church discipline takes place with the authority of the Lord. 11:30 C. Matthew 18:15 5:23-24 1. He is to be regarded as an unbeliever and an outsider.IV. 5:11 B. 6:1 4. 19:15 2. 18:15 Eph. 1:19-20 Ps. Sins which could ruin the offender. 18:17b 2. II Th. The other members join in to plead with the sinner to repent. 2. If you can’t resolve a conflict on your own. he is to be put out of the assembly. 17:20-21 II Co. 5:19-20 Pr. 18:16 1.10 8:6 Isa. Sins which could affect your relationship with this person. 5:19-20 Gal. Does this approach to confronting sin violate confidentiality or one’s right to privacy? I Tim. 18:17a 1. 18:21-22 Js. 19:17 Which sins must you confront? 1.11 2. 28 . Sins which endanger the purity and unity of the church. if necessary. rejoice and forgive. Others can bear witness and join in admonishing the sinner to repent. 18:17b-20 I Co. 5:18-20 VI. Go to the individual first before involving others. 13:11 II Co.14 Jo. Mt. 6:5 D. Js. I Co. practice personal peacemaking. you must have peace with God. 5:1. and humbly for the purpose of restoration. Is there ever a time when it is appropriate for Christians to go to court? Conclusion: Before you can make peace with men. Promote peace by confronting sin biblically. A. 5:1. Notorious sins which could damage the Lord’s reputation. Mt. Mt. What is the purpose of church discipline? I Co. 5:6-7 15:33 3. 3:5-6 C. 2. Go gently. A. lovingly. 4:26-27 B. 6:1-2 3. The leaders of the church will determine the validity of the charges and the means of dealing with the matter publicly. 3:14-15 E. Do these peacemaking techniques ever fail? Prov. 15:14 Lev. 5:4-5. First. 2:6-8 V. 3. Sometimes mediation or binding arbitration may be appropriate.13b I Ti. Dt. Gal. if necessary seek help in making peace (assisted peacemaking). 1:19-20 Pr. Mt. 16:16-17 I Co. Love sometimes requires you to go and show your brother his fault. 1:6 1. 29:25 Eph. 2:17. If he repents. I Co. Then. Questions.

John 1:17 a. God. 3. C. Gen. Jesus is the authoritative expounder of God's will for God's people. v. 22 John 8:44 1. I Jn. Such hate crimes deserve God's justice. 2. but only the unjust taking of human life. You can commit murder without shedding blood. 4:26 a. 9:6 a. b. Other kinds of murder. Repent of your murderous anger. 4:8 b. 3:1-12 3. The Jews erred by limiting the sixth commandment to one outward act and its civil penalty. Eph. Mental murder: anger and hatred. His authority surpasses that of the teachers of the Jews. 7:9 2. He proclaims the true meaning of the Law of Moses. 16:7 Lk. Verbal murder. 2:14-17 Ps. Righteous anger is a zeal for God's honor. 12:34 Lev. Js. 19:7-14 119:70-72 II. Jesus in His office as Messiah expresses God's holy judicial hatred of sin. c. 20:9 Js.Who is a Murderer? Matt. v. The Law is not an end of itself but a means to know and glorify God. 16:15 3. 15:19 I Sam. My anger is righteous anger (like Jesus). b. Is the Mosaic Law the supreme declaration of God's moral law? C. 1. 20. 2. A. 4. Economic or legal oppression. Jesus is not saying that the state is authorized to punish words and thoughts. 21:12f 23:17 Jn. Jesus speaks with authority. Even a look can kill. Not all killing is murder. Are you a murderer? A. The Law goes beyond actions and includes the heart. 3:15 Js. 7:28-29 1. will bring justice: everlasting wrath. 4:2 Pr. v. 2:13 Jesus believes in hell! III. The Law is not merely negative. 43 B. Jesus corrects the abuses of the Law by the scribes and Pharisees. The Pharisees were right to condemn the deed of murder. The Law is not oppressive and constraining. v. 5. 4:1ff 29 . 21-48 A. bringing freedom to God's people. The best sin to be angry with is your own. 7:11 97:10 Mark 3:5 b. but is also positive. but it is a blessing. Murder goes beyond the act. commanding virtues that promote righteousness. Physical harm. Gen. I Jn 5:3 Ps. He expands our understanding of the Law of God. Introduction and review: Jesus lays down the Law. d. preventing sin. 5:21-26 I. B. 14:17 22:24 Ecc. who knows the heart. (Lloyd-Jones) 1. Mark 1:22 2. a. Don't make excuses. His authority and teaching surpass that of Moses. Racial prejudice. The Law goes beyond the letter and also includes the Spirit. 1. not self interest. The death penalty is imposed because murderers have attacked the image of God. James 5:6 2:13 c. 12:36 Js. 21 1. 2.

24:3-4 66:18 4. I'm hurt. 3. 12:17-21 Gen. I was simply exercising my authority. Some thoughts best remain unspoken and repented of. 13:10. 1:15 58:4 Jer. You are. 16:2 c. C. 23-26 A. upset. work) I'm just being honest about my thoughts and feelings. annoyed. But entrust your situation to God. 7:8-11 Amos 5:21-24 Mic. I Sam. 4:26-27 Js. 15:22 I John 4:20 Isa. 4:8 b. 22:15 Rom. B. v. Recognize that you are dealing with dangerous sin. 6. You are still responsible for your thoughts. 3:8 Js. The time for reconciliation is now! II Cor.2. What if he will not reconcile? Rom. make restitution. Eph. 5:8-11 D. 5:23 4. Heb. you can conquer sinful anger. 25-26 1. 5. 12:18 6. offended. In which cases must I do this? a. God will not tempt you beyond what you are able. b. Personal reconciliation must take place before you can worship. 2:23-24 Eph. Heb. disturbed. 2. by nature. a. resentful. I couldn't help myself! a. Rom. v. Confess your fault. Deal with your wrongs against others as quickly as possible. A. Luke 19:8 3. Rom. 6:6-8 Ps. Don't vent your emotions. Jesus pronounces the positive claim of the sixth commandment. 3:13 B. Gal. I Pet. Are you ready to worship today? Will you be tonight? I Cor. Some feelings are sinful: hatred. 2:23 Lk. c. Don't seek revenge. Authority does not give license to verbal or physical abuse. 3:7 I Cor. irritated.15-16 II Cor. Jesus' example of sacrifice illustrates how the Old Covenant truths can be applied under the New Covenant. 23:34 I was provoked. God offers a way of reconciliation. Eph. bothered. 10:13 That's just the way I am. Don't just hold it all in. 6:12 18:21ff I Pet. 4:13 Co. 23-24 1. v. frustrated. 5:17 Phil. Circumstances simply reveal what is already in the heart. God will not accept such sham worship. God's enemy. I have a short fuse. 2:21 2. 4. What if I am not at fault? Prov. and ticked off. 13:3 5.32 IV. 22 Rev. church. rather than postponing reconciliation. Jesus patiently suffered wrongs against Himself. Concluding applications. I'm not angry. I Sam. 15:18 16:32 25:28 1. What if it is not a major issue? I Pet. 1:19-20 Ps. I Cor. 12:14-15 V. 4:26-27. 4:26 Heb. Act before it is too late. Some try to use religious ritual to cover-up their sins. (Government. 37:8 Pr. 6:23 B. b. words. I Pet. In Christ. Seek harmonious relationships with your adversaries. 6:16 Eph. 50:19 3. v. 15:15 3. 11:27-29 C. II Cor. family. 3:1ff 2. 5:20 30 . Where appropriate. d. Postpone sacrifice. and deeds. Eph. You are a murderer under a sentence of condemnation. 4:26 5.

a. God expects you to do your duties. You have no choice! Mt. B. get the log out of your own eye. Eph. Communication breakdown in the family. 6:14 18:21ff Eph. Mt. Review: 1. 2:18-23 2. Seek forgiveness where you have wronged your spouse. 1. Forgive as God has forgiven you: freely and unconditionally. 31:34 3. b. 1. First. 3. 5:23-24 a. Eph. 7:1-5 1. rather than your rights: expectations! James 4:1-2 a. d. Eph. Ask for forgiveness. Make a list of what your spouse should be able to expect of you. The role of the wife. Pr. Gen. Gen. The legitimate use of “time-outs”. d. Eph. 4:32 2. Learn to control anger. Grant forgiveness when you have been wronged. Focus upon your duties. God’s directive for marriage. Beware of letting a root of bitterness spring up! Heb. I Cor. The four promises of forgiveness. The key to your relationship with each other is your relationship with God (and vice versa). 13:5 Jer. I will not allow this incident to stand between us or to hinder our relationship. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. 3:7 4. Mt. The role of the husband. Attack the problem instead of people. God’s design for marriage. Learn self control. 3:7 Mt. Understand the difference between righteous and unrighteous anger. 31:34 b. In what sense does God remember our sin no more? Jer. Keep short accounts. Eph. 4:25-32 II. 2:24 3. 5:25-30 I Pet. Put off wrath. I Pet. I will not think about this incident. 3.Conflict Resolution and Communication I. 5:23-24 2.20. 31 B. “but”. 29:11. nor bottle it up. I will not bring this incident up and use it against you. Admit specifically where you were wrong. 12:15 D. whether your spouse is performing or not. C. c. Neither vent your anger. I will not talk to others about this incident. c. A. 3:1-6 Prov. Refuse to fight.22 25:28 15:1 Rom. 17:14 b. b. and “maybe”. 4:26 31 . How much better would the situation be if you were fulfilling your responsibilities? c. Conflict resolution: clean the slate. 5:22-24 I Pet. Avoid “if”. Pr. 12:17-21 Eph. a. 4:26-27 2. Alter your behavior. 4:31-32 1. 2. Introduction: A.

Treat him as an unbeliever. 15:2 2. Isa. Remember the cross! E. 32 . Take one or two others along. a. a. Your duty in communication is to meet the needs of your spouse. Learn to speak in love. James 1:19 1. 13:4-7 4. g. Learn to draw your spouse out. c. I Pet. 1. Rom. and motivation. and rebuke. Sinful or unkind thoughts and feelings need not necessarily be openly spoken to one’s spouse. Learn to listen in love. Are you more concerned about being heard. Assuming your spouse is a believer. 13:13 3. Deal with the heart of your anger. and judgements. encouragement. opinions. Rom. 4:8 Pr. b. or hearing? Phil. a. 12:17-21 c. 2:1-5 a. instruction. Is the wife violating I Pet. f. Pr. 5. you should seek godly counsel together. Develop good listening skills. d. Conflict resolution. 74) b. emotions. Take interest in what concerns your spouse. correction. God’s ideal for marriage is intimacy and openness. b. What about sins of the past? 3. 18:2 10:19 Eph. 59:1 2. we only want to be understood. Do you know your spouse’s needs? B. b. Seek peace. a. Pray first. Casual conversation c.4. 2:1-5 1. In which cases should this step be taken? 4. I Pet. God listens to you. Give your full attention. e. Is total honesty always called for? a. Gen. Tell it to the church. Learn to communicate on a deeper level. It is possible to hear without understanding. Support. I Cor. Mt. 14:19 d. In the flesh. Sharing facts and information. 6:19-20 (Mack: Strengthening p. By imitating Christ. Rom. 3:7 c. A. Assume the best. Mt. a. 2:25 2. Steps for resolving conflict. III. Does he/she have a right/need to know? c. feelings. Pr. 3:1-2? 3. Planning and decision making. On what level are you communicating? b. The goal of communication: love. I Cor. 20:5 C. Talk in private. 4:29 b. Don’t seek revenge. Phil. Keys to communication. b. Sharing ideas. but rather to be confessed before God. Overlook minor offenses. 18:15-20 1. Forsake your rights. you will be more concerned about understanding. 19:11 2.

4:25 2. Angry. 7. 3. Then the wife responds to the husband. Encouragement and thanksgiving. Without interjecting his own point of view or why hers is wrong.28 16:21. d. Phil. cruel. b. Semi-annual get away. Don’t assume that your message has been understood. 16:21. 5:33-36 Eph. 4:29 Pr. 10:11 12:18 15:1.31 b. hobbies. Family devotions. Harmful body language and other non-verbal communication. A. 5:2 4. and even church. 1. Bitterness and dwelling on the past. Clamming up.4. 2. Negativity and grumbling. 5:19 5. Edify: speak about the best things. First the husband explains the wife’s point of view. Nagging. hasty speech. 2. Pr. Circuit jammers. Refusal to communicate. 25:24 e. C. f. b. c. 5. tv. Use your speech to build up. Pr. 4. monopolizing. Daily debriefing. 2. Gentle correction. 18:2 10:18 20:20 27:2 Js. The goal is that she will say: “Yes. 1. 62) 1. friends. 13:5 IV. Which speaks best to your spouse? Words? Gifts? Acts? 6. hurtful words. Public criticism. boasting. 33 . 3. 4:8 Eph. 3:5-8 Eph.21 31:26 a. Timing can be important. Busyness and distractions. a. 25:11 27:14 15:23 D. interrupting. you really understand me”.24 10:11. a. (Preparing: pg. work. Pr. Lies.23-24 Js. Do you know what style of communication best reaches to your spouse? a. 3:1-2 Pr. Worship together. I Co. 5:21-22 Pr. Speaking in absolutes: “you always” “you never” c. Eph. Destructive “unsafe” speech. Mt. b. a. Practical ways to build up your communication. 4:29. Kids. Then the husband responds to the wife. (Same rules) 3. a. Then the wife explains the husband’s point of view. 1:19 Ecc. 1. unnecessary correction. b. Bi-weekly date. 18:13. Communication killers. I Pet. Bullying. Mt. Side tracking and avoidance. Set regular times in which you will give undivided attention to each other. B. Self-centered conversation: not listening. Pray together as a couple. 6:12-15 10:10 16:30 6. threatening and manipulating. A communication exercise.

children. 3. location. Have fun together. Personal goals. You also need to relax and enjoy one another. 1. Family goals. 2. Test yourself. 1. E. 192-196. ministry.74-76. Your Family God’s Way: p. F. Don’t just work at solving problems.e.D. 2.161. (Preparing for Marriage: Page 71. Career. Goals for the children. 225-226) 34 .175-176. 130132. The same principles of communication and conflict resolution apply in other relationships: i. G. Set goals together.

Church Discipline: I Cor. 5:1-13 Mt. 18:15-20 I. Introduction. A. Why is church discipline important? I Cor. 5 Acts 20:28 Rev. 2:14-15,20 B. Why don’t many churches practice discipline? C. To what two extremes do churches go in the practice of church discipline? III Jn. 9-10 D. When is the best time to teach your church about church discipline? 1. I recommend the Peacemakers materials. E. You learn much through experience. II. Stage 1: Go to your brother privately. Matthew 18:15 A. Some suggest a step 0: self discipline: Mt. 18:8-9 I Cor. 10:12 Gal. 5:23 B. Which sins must be confronted? 1. Minor offenses should be overlooked. I Peter 4:8 Pr. 10:12 19:11 2. Sins which endanger the moral purity and reputation of Christ’s church. I Cor. 5:1,5-6,11 15:33 3. Errors which endanger the doctrinal purity of the church. I John 2:22-23 4:1 II John 1:9-11 4. Notorious sins which could damage the reputation of the Lord. 5. Sins which endanger the doctrinal and moral purity of the church. I Cor. 5:6b-7 15:33 II Jn. 9-11 6. Divisiveness which endangers the unity of the church. Ro. 16:17-18 I Co. 3:3 Titus 3:9-11 Heb. 13:17 III John 9 7. Sins which could ruin your brother. Js. 5:19-20 8. Sins which threaten your relationship with the other person. Mt. 18 C. What should you do before you go? 1. Make sure that there are no beams in your eye. Mt. 7:5 2. Be certain that you have a clear-cut case. 3. Behavior is easier to prove than motives and attitudes. 4. Strive to assume the best. I Cor. 13:7 5. Test your motives. D. Do not first go to others: gossip. Lev. 19:16 1. This principle applies in every sphere. (Family, workplace, etc.) 2. What should you do if someone improperly tells you the sin of another? E. Why should you confront him? 1. Love demands that you confront him. Lev. 19:17 Pr. 27:6 3:5-6 17:5-6 2. What excuses do people make in order to avoid confrontation? Ro. 15:14 Pr. 27:6 F. In what manner should you confront him? Gal. 6:1-2 1. Go gently, carefully, and lovingly. 2. Your purpose is to restore. Gal. 6:1-2.

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G. What should you do if he repents? Mt. 18:15b 21-22 Js. 5:19-20 Pr. 11:30 Eph. 4:32 1. If he repents, rejoice and forgive. Eph. 4 32 2. Repentance may involve restitution and seeking the forgiveness of other parties. H. Other questions: 1. Do those who are under authority (i.e. a wife or a child) have the right to confront those over them (i.e. a husband or a parent)? 2. How can you know someone is really repentant? II Cor. 7:10-11 3. If you doubt his repentance, can you move on to stage 2? 4. If he professes repentance, but keeps sinning, can you move on to stage 2? Mt. 18:21-22 5. Are there cases in which a man may repent, but the church will still need to be told? I Tim. 5:20 6. What level of confidentiality should you offer in counseling? 7. How long should you wait before moving to stage 2? III. Stage 2: If he will not listen to you, take two or three witnesses. Mt. 18:16 Dt. 19:15 A. What is the function of the two or three? They come to bear witness against his sin and to admonish him to repent. B. Whom should you bring? Gal. 6:1 C. Are there cases in which those you bring may not agree that he is guilty? 1. You may lack decisive evidence. 2. They may not agree the matter is a sin issue. D. Are there sins which may warrant admonition, but don’t require going to stage 3? Can every sin potentially lead to public discipline? E. What should be done in disputes in which counter-charges are being made? 1. Jesus is addressing clear cut cases of sin in Matthew 18. 2. Disputes among brothers require application of additional scriptural principles. I Co. 6:1-8 Phil. 4:2-3 Pr. 18:17 F. What should you do if the erring brother repents?

G. Other questions. 1. What should you tell a “witness” when asking him to serve? 2. What if the accused party refuses to meet with the witness(es)? IV. Stage 3: If he still refuses to repent, tell it to the church. Mt. 18:17a A. Who tells the church? The leaders of the church must be involved in determining the validity of the charges and the means of dealing with the matter publicly. B. How should the situation be communicated to the church? C. How much should the church be told? The presentation to the congregation must be open and above-board. D. Is this a violation of the sinner’s right to privacy? I Cor. 1:20 Eph. 5:11 36

E. What should the members of the church do when they hear the charges against their brother? The other members join in to pressure the sinner to repent. II Th. 3:14 F. If the sinner repents, he is to be forgiven and restored.

G. Other questions. 1. What if someone has charges against the leaders of the church? 2. Can a person resign his membership in the church to avoid discipline? V. Finally the sinner is to be removed from the church. Mt. 18:17b-20 I Cor. 5:3f A. What is the purpose of removing someone from the church? 1. To protect the church from impurity (leaven). I Cor. 5:6-7 15:33 Dt. 13:11 2. To bring about restoration of the fallen brother. v. 20b I Cor. 5:5 II Cor. 2:6-8 Gal. 6:1-2 Js. 5:19-20 3. For the sake of the reputation of Christ. B. What is the status of one who has been put out of the church? Mt. 18:17-20 I Jo. 2:19 1. He is to be regarded as an unbeliever and an outsider. Mt. 18:17 2. Church discipline takes place under the Lord’s authority. Mt. 18:18-20 3. Does this mean he actually is an unbeliever? C. Once someone is excommunicated, can Christians take him to court? I Co. 6:1ff 7:12 D. How should the people in the church act towards him? I Cor. 5:9-13 II Th. 3:6,14 E. Should he be allowed to attend worship services or other meetings of the church? I Cor 5:13 Deut. 17:7 19:19 21:21 22:24 F. What are the usual responses of people under discipline? 1. People who deserve discipline often try to get themselves off on technicalities. 2. People who are under discipline often put their accusers on trial.

G. Questions: 1. What does it mean to be delivered to Satan for the destruction of the flesh? I Cor. 5:5 I Tim. 1:19-20 2. How should discipline be handled if the person agrees that he is not a Christian? I Cor. 5:10 3. Who decides the person should be excommunicated? Is there to be a congregational vote? 4. Is there a court of appeals beyond the local church level? 5. Must family members cease socializing with other family members who have been disciplined? 6. How should we deal with members who do not attend? 7. What is the status of someone who is removed from membership for non-attendance? 8. What is the difference when someone simply resigns his membership? 9. Do we have any duty/right to discipline professing Christians who regularly attend our churches, but are not members? I Cor. 5:11 10. Are there levels of church discipline which fall short of removal? II Th. 3:14-15 11. Why is it important to keep written records of church discipline cases? 37

Restoration after excommunication.” by Jim Elliff and Darly Wingerd. How should you handle a situation in which someone who was disciplined by another church begins attending your church? 6. loved. 16:17-18 Heb. Those converted in the book of Acts were added to particular local churches.” by Wayne Mack and David Swavely. and Life in the Father’s House. 38 . What should you do to be sure your ex-member doesn’t join another church? 5. 1. How should churches which refuse to cooperate in these matters be regarded? C. 2:11ff II John 10 Titus 3:9-11 Rom. How can you know his repentance is genuine? II Cor. Church discipline requires a biblical church structure. c. 13:17 III John 9-10 There are some sins of such a public and heinous nature that do not require all of the above steps. Is it legitimate to place some restrictions upon a brother who has been restored? F. Other considerations. Churches should respect one another’s discipline. Even after “excommunication” the hope of repentance and restoration remains. How quickly can a person be restored? C. How should churches work together in the area of church discipline? 1.47 d. A problem of our day: many refuse to commit themselves to a church. Are there cases of restoration after someone has been removed from the church? 1. How should a restored person be treated? Forgiven. therefore. 1. the concept is biblical (like the word “Trinity”). 2. How should restoration be communicated to the church? VII. Are there cases in which a church might rightly receive someone who was under discipline from another local church? III John 10-11 7. I Cor. Are there situations in which sin should be dealt with publicly without having to go through all of the steps in Matthew 18:15-20? . Church discipline works! II Cor. 7:8-11 D. A. Why do many refuse to commit to membership? 2. 2:6-8 B. What is the role of the elders in church discipline? Acts 20:28 2. 18:15. Acts 2:41. Churches should work together when disputes arise among their members.VI. How can you find out if a person is under discipline from another church? 4. While the word membership is not used in the Bible in this sense. A. E. Every Christian is to be a committed part of a local body. we have multiple local churches in one geographical area. Why is formal membership in a local church necessary? See “Why Should I Join a Church. Unlike the early church. 5:19-20 Gal. I Cor 5:1 B. Prov. and helped. 5:9-11 6:9-10 I Tim. b. a. 3.17 2. we need to define to which congregation one is committed. Why is it important for churches to have a defined membership? D.

Profession of faith. Membership causes the visible church to better reflect the invisible and clarifies the difference between believers and unbelievers. Questions: 1. Involvement in ministry through service. 5:12 Heb 13:17 What are the conditions of church membership? a. Handbook of Church Discipline 39 . 6. A. Receiving ministry from the church. You are to love a local body of believers and use your gifts to benefit it. What should be done with professing Christians who refuse to join a church? 4. 4:10f c. 5:12-13 f. 12:7 I Pe. Is church membership lifelong? What are the privileges of church membership? a. Conclusion. Heb. 16:18. there must be a means by which he came to be in the local church. Jo. 5:2-3 I Th. Recognition of membership helps local churches to work together. He. Heb. I Co. 5 j. Pastoral oversight. 18:15f I Cor. 13:34 g. 5:11 What are the responsibilities of church members? a. b. Rev. E. 13:17 I Pet. c. c.3. Gal. How long should we wait before receiving a person into church membership? 5. 2:5 B. Willingness to submit to the leadership of the church. 7. How should we view those who refuse to join the church? Can a non-member be disciplined? I Cor. What is the status of a professing Christian who is the member of no church? 2. 5. What are the risks of being a member of no church? 3. If a person can be put out of the church through discipline. your opportunity to use your gifts will be significantly diminished. e. i. Recommended reading: Jay Adams. h. Submission to the leaders of the church. 10:24-25 b. Preserve the unity and purity of the church through following biblical principles for church discipline. k. 3:15 Mt. 13:17 I Th. Every believer is to be under the oversight and discipline of particular elders who need to know for which sheep they are accountable. I Th. Communion. love and giving. I Tim. Willingness to love and serve the brethren. Mt. 5:12 d. If you are not committed and accountable. Regular attendance. b. Service. 4. 6:10 d. On what grounds may we legitimately refuse church membership to a believer? VIII. Those who desire the benefits of church membership without taking on the responsibilities want to live together without making the commitment of marriage.

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Facing his limitations. unique or particularly modern. Modern people would say Charles and Stephen are exhibiting the classic symptoms of the “Mid-life Crisis”. He is a popular conference speaker and he has even published several articles and one book. Studying David’s fall and restoration will give us insight as to how a man can fall into a mid-life crisis. is involved in the life of the church. How does a godly man fail in mid-life? Different phases of life present different challenges. for the most part. He has been close to his pastor for many years. and is leading Bible studies discipling younger men. We were shocked last week when we heard that Charles had been caught in a pattern of adultery and deceit and had been removed from office. 6). B. People in mid-life crisis can become depressed and often engage in impulsive and risky behavior. He is well respected in his denominational circles. he fell into sin and brought disgrace upon himself and trouble to the people of God. Most evenings he comes home from work and sits in front of the television. he sought to embark on one more grand project. His family seems exemplary. After conquering the land. who had successfully passed through the temptations of his younger years. David’s fall in II Samuel 11 is alarming. David seemed to have achieved his life’s goals. Also. who become dissatisfied with their lives. His life’s goals have. and how we can help the man who is struggling. He has multiple wives of beauty and at least one of character (Abigail). primarily of men between 35 and 50. He has been happily married for twenty-five years and he and his wife have successfully raised their four children. Yet David’s success may have provided the circumstances.10). Both are equally dangerous.2 Their experience is not. Yet in middle age. He doesn’t interact with his children and he is very distant from his wife. His domestic enemies have been vanquished and he is securely established on the throne as king over all Israel (II Sam. How could such a thing happen to a man who seemed to have it all together. The ark of the covenant has entered Jerusalem (II Sam. Mid-life crisis is not a biblical term. Imagine his pastor’s grief when Stephen’s wife came for counsel complaining she has found evidence Stephen has returned to the excessive drinking of his pre-conversion days. which led to his great sin. 1-4). He has been very successful in his business. Youthful lusts may give way to the dissatisfied boredom of mid-life. Moabites and Edomites have been subdued (II Sam. The Philistines.Learning from King David’s Mid-Life Failure Charles was a highly respected pastor. however. What happened to Charles and Stephen is similar to what happened to King David in II Samuel 11-12. Alexander the Great is said to have wept because there were no more worlds to conquer. It appears that David’s most glorious victories were behind him. Arameans. 1 2 Charles and Stephen are fictional characters whose experience is a compilation of men known to me. the heart problems behind it. she has caught him viewing pornography on the Internet. 8. He is knowledgeable in the Scriptures. He has a lovely wife with whom he has enjoyed a close relationship. It is used in popular literature to describe the experience.1 The church he planted many years ago has survived some hard times and is now flourishing. who seemed to have everything a minister could want? Does this mean that his entire ministry had been a lie? Are the books. He was truly a man after God’s own heart. He had been greatly used of God. No more worlds to conquer. 41 . A. the last of whom starts college next year. articles and tapes he produced worthless? Or did something happen to take a man who had been qualified and used of God and ruin him? Stephen is a lay leader in his church. been achieved.

There were no more great dreams to be realized in his lifetime. Charles Haddon. TX. Pasadena. for the first time the horizons begin to narrow. Page 278 42 . A. It is not easy to carry a full cup with a steady hand. and fought his way up the corporate ladder. at the time when kings go out to battle that David sent Joab and his servants with him and all Israel. smooth places are slippery places. The defeat of the sons of Ammon wouldn’t add much to his already illustrious record as a warrior. raised his children. Perhaps David decided that he had already fought in his share of battles. 11:1). He is a mid-level manager. Like many driven men. or even the vice president of the company. He owns his home. Twenty-five years ago she gave up her career in order to take care of her husband and children. Lethargy sets in. “Then it happened in the spring.He aspired to see the temple built in Jerusalem. but he will never be the president. the limitations become more serious. A Christian wife and mother may also be tempted. D. 3 B. circumstances of mid-life may affect men in various ways according to their personalities. In the same way a Christian businessman may have worked his way through school. His own theology is settled and he has driven out the doctrinal Philistines. He has completed his formal training. Pilgrim Publications. As he gets older. There may be greater danger in times of peace and prosperity than in the midst of the battle. Driven men who are leaders seem especially prone to stumble as David did.12-13). From childhood life is seen as a sequence of ever increasing challenges and opportunities. but God revealed that this honor would go to his son (II Sam. marriage. he seemed to lose heart for his life’s work. and raising children. The horizons continue to broaden. Spurgeon points out. C. and been active in his church. Idleness and boredom lead to temptation. Just as different phases of life present different challenges. Now her daughter is getting married and her son is going off to college. landed the good job. Perhaps he has seen the church through a building program. he could still receive the glory for the conquest without having to go to the field. He is always looking forward to the challenges of the next phase of life. and. Once his kingdom was established. Perhaps for some men reality hits in their twenties when they realize their childhood dream of playing in a Super Bowl will never be realized. David’s life had settled down to administering the kingdom he had established. The followers of Saul who would have divided the church have been subdued. The pastor has spent his early adult life seeing his ministry established. The pattern repeated today. has put his kids through college. and is saving towards retirement. 7:1-2. Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit Volume 8. David’s mid-life failure continues to be repeated in the lives of many men today. David appears to have functioned better in the midst of great challenges. As King. But David stayed at Jerusalem” (II Sam. 3 Spurgeon. Now he had underlings whom he could send in his place to fight his wars. David’s lack of attention to his calling put him in a situation in which he was vulnerable to the temptation which resulted in his wicked liaison with Bathsheeba. One looks ahead to completing his education. They have reached a plateau and dreams have died. As he gets older. At the same time he has enjoyed a successful marriage. They have achieved success in their life’s work. establishing a career. No more personal theological journeys or battles are anticipated. .

and therefore is not held accountable for his time. He can’t run as fast or lift as much weight. Those engaged in vocational ministry have flexible working hours.Or as a minister. He also senses the beginning of a gradual physical decline. What can she do with the rest of her life? The seeming termination of the sequence of challenge and opportunity can come as quite a shock to a driven man. One man said. He can delegate much of his work to his assistants or to eager young interns. his church is of a certain size. The stay-at-home wife no longer has to drive to orchestra rehearsal. He can prepare an acceptable sermon in less time. soccer practice and ballet. By thus sparing himself and staying in his house in order to be at his ease. He realizes he will probably never be the leader of a mega-church. he has regrets. Pilgrim Publications. At this stage of one’s career his fellow leaders trust him and don’t feel the need to check up on him (just as David’s staying behind in Jerusalem when the battle raged. The distractions of surfing the net (where Bathsheeba may be found) can even enable the pastor to give the appearance of working while he is really wasting time. 1992. What is the next phase to which he can look forward? Is it retirement and then death? Furthermore. but with the idleness and the resulting boredom will come temptation to sinful diversions such as immorality and covetousness (I Tim. Those aches and pains don’t go away as quickly as in the past. She and her husband have grown apart during these busy years of his career and her child rearing. as he looks back. Just as David could get Joab to fight Israel’s battles. Edinburgh. Metropolitan Pulpit Volume 8. Pasadena. Charles Haddon. into whom she has poured out her life. the Christian woman may find that not only do her children. Page 278 43 . Calvin warns. TX 1985. He seeks sinful diversions. and that David was safer in the midst of raging battles than inside his own palace when he was being lazy. the seasoned pastor can meet people’s expectations with much less effort. Nor do the extra pounds he (and his once slim wife) seem to put on all too easily. 5:13). John. Banner of Truth Trust. Why didn’t anyone tell me that my youth would pass by so quickly. Sermons on 2 Samuel. or shopping can fill her days. A driven man can work 80 hours a week (sometimes to the detriment of his family). reading the newspapers.6 What are the spiritual causes of a mid life failure? 4 5 6 I am unable to identify the source of this quote. I discovered that the accelerator was stuck!4 C.5 Spurgeon reminds us that idleness is the mother of mischief. do not need her any more. but it has leveled off. After sacrificing her best years to care for her family. Nor will he have a national radio ministry or publish a best selling book. Calvin. or recycle an old message. Why didn’t I realize how soon my children would be gone? Why didn’t I make better choices in these crucial phases of life? Why didn’t someone prepare me for this mid-life phase? I couldn’t wait for each new challenge in life. David did not carry out his duty. A lazy man can work very little and go undetected. the established businessman can meet his supervisor’s (or his customer’s) expectations in less time. Boredom and laziness set in. Watching the television. he threw himself into the net of Satan. Page 479 Spurgeon. probably went unchallenged). I rushed through my twenties and thirties and then when I hit middle age and tried to put on the brakes. He has learned how to delegate his work to his underlings. In the same way. He is trusted by his superiors. D. Now she feels unneeded. A man in mid-life may be able to put much of his life on autopilot and coast. but also they aren’t living as she taught them.

that a servant of God as excellent as David should fall into such a serious and enormous sin. The homemaker forgets how God has blessed her by giving her a faithful husband.12). Thus says the LORD God of Israel. 51:10.. 6:12-15) seems to have dissipated. The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in temporary shelters. At the same time. He is no longer filled with awe and wonder at God’s goodness to him. Uriah. I also gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your care. Shall I then go to my house to eat and to drink and to lie with my 7 Calvin. 12:9-10). John. from Saul. Instead. B.. perhaps noticing she is no longer so young and attractive as other women around him. He may no longer marvel at how God has used him to lead others to faith and to build up the church. 5:18f). sin and death. He had exchanged the sweetness of pure fellowship with God for a few moments of pleasure. Page 476 44 . the Christian leader can begin to take God’s kindness for granted. Why have you despised the Word of the LORD by doing evil in his sight?. Sin blinds us to the goodness of God.. we all wonder how it could have happened. The businessman no longer “rejoices in the wife of his youth” (Pr. Just as Esau was guilty of despising his birthright (Gen. Inward spiritual deterioration leads to acts of sin (James 1:14-15). Jesus tells us sin proceeds from the heart (Mark 7:21-23). in contrast. I would have added to you many more things like these’ (II Samuel 12:7-8 ). Perhaps he has forgotten the land was united by the power of God (not David). He seemed to have lost his sense of reverent amazement at his deliverance from Goliath. and I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. David had lost sight of the great blessings God had bestowed upon him. “Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. A. 25:9). ‘It is I who anointed you king over Israel and it is I who delivered you from the hand of Saul. He tends to see his wealth and position as the fruit of his own labor.. Rather than being content with his own wives and property he coveted the wife of another man. 1992. he has been blessed immeasurably! He can lose sight of the wonder of Christ’s amazing work of delivering him from slavery to the world.Calvin says of David’s fall. I don’t believe David suddenly fell into this condition on the day he fell into sin with Bathsheeba. Now here is a story which should make our hair stand straight up on end whenever we think of it . Perhaps he has slipped into a mind set in which he takes much of the credit for the success of his ministry.7 When a man of God falls. the sin with Bathsheeba was an expression of the sorry state into which his inner spiritual life had already deteriorated. David was guilty of counting God Himself of little value. and from the enemies of Israel. David had counted his flesh of great value. He was no longer mindful of and thankful for his elevation from being a shepherd boy to becoming the anointed of God. The joy he had experienced when the Ark of the Covenant entered Jerusalem (II Sam. Like David. Sermons on 2 Samuel. Banner of Truth Trust.. Because you have despised Me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife. Then he sought to cover his guilt by bringing Uriah back from the battle. and if that had been too little. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation” (Psalm. placed high value on the things of God.. In II Samuel 12 the prophet Nathan gives explanation for David’s fall. and providing so she could stay at home. After being caught in his sin. In the same way. Undervaluing the things of God. Ingratitude. (II Sam.. David’s prayer reveals the state of his heart. and my lord Joab and the servants of my lord are camping in the open field.. blessing their marriage with children. He can take lightly the privilege of his calling to the ministry.

Like his predecessor Saul (see I Samuel 15:22. however. 55:1). One successful businessman tried to turn back the clock by spending thousands of dollars buying musical instruments and building a recording studio. or even plastic surgery. I will not do this thing (II Samuel 11:11). Paul tells the Ephesian Elders. and yet to fall.e. Perhaps when David’s greatest victories (and the accompanying adulation of the people) were behind him. Many eat or drink too much as they try to overcome their spiritual emptiness. Some may try to recapture a dream of their youth.wife? By your life and the life of your soul. This does not. and how far away he is planted from the satisfying rivers of His grace (Jer. He will seek out lustful diversions. instead he shows the folly and hardness of his sin. (I Cor. change the fact that he is no longer qualified for office (See I Tim. but rather that he is not valuing God and finding fulfillment in Him. his motivation for battle dried up. hoping that their toys (i. 10:12) The scriptural examples of David. David should have been pierced by Uriah’s piety. Noah. Others may try to use material possessions to fill the void. Beware that Satan will never stop trying to destroy you (I Pet. In the same way the work of a man who has badly stumbled is not necessarily invalidated. 45 . 8 Perhaps Christian leaders are most vulnerable because they may think they are so spiritual that they are beyond such sins.. Be on your guard. and others. It is possible for a person to have a true walk with God (David was a man after God’s own heart). 4:23). Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. 1. People still turn to idols seeking the satisfaction only God can provide. His response to these difficulties exposes how weak his trust in God really is. How can you help counselees to overcome (or avoid) mid-life failure? Teach them these principles from Scripture. C. 17:5-8). Idolatry. (I Tim. 4:16). A. so long as he could maintain his personal comfort and his status before men. rather than valuing the free wine and milk offered by the Lord (Isa. Why do you spend money for what is not bread. Others try to recapture their youth with a new wardrobe. The Proverb reminds us. 5:8). for from it flow the springs of life (Prov. to be used of God. Be on guard for yourselves (Acts 20:28). not because of raging hormones (II Tim.. David chose to spend himself on the bread of fleshly indulgence. In the same way. Don’t think it can’t happen to you. He also tells Timothy. along with men of God in recent years who have fallen should serve as a warning to all of us. The onset of the mid-life crisis may reveal how a man’s accomplishments have been motivated too much by a love for the world (or the human glory of achievement) and not enough by a love for God. so a man may be driven to overcome his boredom and dissatisfaction by pursuing worldliness in new ways. Watch over your heart with all diligence. 8 The fact that a man has fallen does not invalidate his past ministry. by murdering this loyal servant of God. the man who has made an idol out of sexual pleasure will be severely tempted when the flower of his wife’s beauty begins to fade and his own virility is waning. and your wages for what does not satisfy. David seemed to no longer care what God thinks. 3:1f). The man in a mid-life crisis needs to realize his problem is not that the world is passing him by. He thought sinful pleasures could provide greater fulfilling than walking with God. Isaiah 55:2 scolds. We don’t remove David’s early Psalms from the Canon because they were written by a man who later committed murder and adultery. the red convertible) will satisfy them. In midlife the old bread of the world starts losing its taste.30). an intense fitness program. 2:22).“Pay close attention to yourself. but rather because he is desperately trying to recapture the passion of his youth.

Invite them to ask you the hard questions about your contentment. 3:23). David continued to function as king and as judge (II Sam. 32:1-2. etc.5). Continue to make a study of ministry: preaching. he should have done it with the same faithfulness and zeal by which he conquered it. or indulging private lusts and fantasies can seem harmless. One thing that grieves me about Christian leaders who have fallen into sin is that they seem to only confess after they are caught. and perhaps even himself. It is better to face your sin. C. 46 . then serve God in that job with all of your strength. B. The neglect of private Bible reading to feed one’s own soul or a loss of fervency in private prayer will long be unnoticed by others. Just as a newly conceived life in the womb is tiny. your use of your time. Whatever you do. as for the Lord. 1:6). If it is God’s call for you to be a faithful pastor of a small flock. 3. But if God has called you to something less exciting. without receiving human recognition. then do it with all of your heart.2. Though David despised God. If it was David’s calling in the last half of his life to faithfully administer the land.. 51:17). Make yourself accountable. give counsel. and be right with God than to live a lie. If it is establishing new churches which grow to thousands in attendance. sin which is conceived in the heart can seem very small (James 1:15). If your career has reached its plateau. even with its consequences. Pray with them. 1. Learn new and better ways you can serve the Lord. The ability to go through the motions of ministry reflects a frightening hardness of heart. Sooner or later the embryonic lust will give birth to sin which has deadly consequences. Pursue every phase of your life as a vocation from God. counseling. If you are living a lie. 1. If you 9 Perhaps the sternest indictment of David was that his actions had given the enemies of the LORD occasion to blaspheme (II Sam. 12:10-15). and administer the church until they are caught. When he confessed his sin. 4. It is possible for a spiritual leader to carry on his official duties with apparent success while harboring secret sin. be satisfied with the place God has given you and do it with all of your heart. do your work heartily. Lowered personal standards for the use of the television or the internet. 32:3-4). Seek help. A man may become slack in his work habits with no visible impact on the results of his job or ministry performance. your zeal. His family may never recover. he paid a steep price for his wickedness (II Sam. their personal reputations and to the Name of Christ. He doesn’t realize the calamity he is bringing upon himself and others. The man who falls into immorality is like a stupid ox going to the slaughter (Pr. The fire which remains unkindled will go out. God forgave him (Ps. not men (Co. 2. I never cease to be amazed at how fallen pastors can continue to preach the Word of God. They fool themselves into thinking they can free themselves from bondage and then to go on as if it had never happened. When David kept silent about his sin he was miserable (Ps. Don’t wait for Nathan to appear on your doorstep. He probably continued to participate in the external rituals of worship (lest he be suspected). his spouse. 9 It may take many years for a church to recover from the betrayal of an unfaithful shepherd. 2. Small sins must be aborted in the womb of the heart before they grow to full term. Remember the consequences of your fall. Continue to cultivate the gifts and opportunities God has given you. 7:22). An experienced man may be able to fool the people in his church. do it as unto the Lord. God does not despise a broken and contrite heart (Ps. Be open with your wife and with your fellow church leaders about the state of your soul. and shepherding God’s flock. 12:14). their children. Neglect of the small things can lead to a big disaster. 12:1-5). Paul encouraged Timothy to “kindle afresh the gift of God which is in you” (II Tim. Men who stray fail to count the cost to their wives. Even though David was forgiven by God. come clean. Remain faithful to your present call. The cost of exposing themselves seems to be too great. If it is conquering nations. do it to the glory of God.

Learn the secret of being content in the present (Phil. Like Solomon in Ecclesiastes. pray God will give you the endurance to run with all of your heart until the end. 2. 6. pursue it heartily. it would be a crisis. 6:19-21). greed. The years we spend here are to be spent in light of the eternity we will enjoy in His presence. Be thankful for God’s past faithfulness to you (I Thess. He has blessed us in our homes and in our churches. 3. Live in light of the future (I John 3:2-3 II Pet. Every hour should be carefully used for His glory. The believer always has a hope beyond earthly dreams of marriage. 55:1). In contrast. One day we will be with Christ and we will be like Him. Store up treasure in heaven which is secure and eternal! (Mt.. You may have many more years of fruitful labor ahead of you. your ministry. He has allotted you a fixed amount of time on this earth to serve him. for there truly is nothing new under the sun. you will discover worldly pleasures and treasures are vain. 4. If your hope is not heavenly. Put off the false hope of satisfaction or bliss from earthly things (Isa. 2:16). Make good use of the time God has given you. and vocational success. Find your delight and identity in what Christ has done for you. not your earthly achievements. If the Lord tarries. is the basis for our confidence in the future. you will be bored. Be determined to finish well. 4. Feed upon Christ as the bread of life (John 6:51). you would have cause for alarm. Be alert to any Pharasaical formalism in your personal devotional life. Be satisfied with the wine and milk which God offers without money and without cost (Isa. Scripture honors the wisdom of those with age and experience (Pr. your health. 4:11f).” (Psalm 90:12) He has kept you here for a reason. We should follow the pattern of some of the Psalms by continually reminding ourselves of all of the great things God has done in our lives. David wanted to quit before the warfare had ended. Remember God’s sovereignty. Keep a redemptive focus. that we may present to You a heart of wisdom. Even though our culture worships youth.need to find a new vocation. your children. 3:11 II Cor. Deal honestly with your idols. 47 . Earthly treasures and reputations are fading. His past faithfulness. children. Your value and significance is based upon the work of Christ. 5:18). If the only phases of life which to look forward were retirement and death. Cultivate a living relationship with God. 3. Find your joy in the LORD. you almost certainly will be forgotten after two generations pass (Ecc. He has given you what is best: your wife. or simply losing heart. etc. without falling. 5. Pray God will continue to favor your life’s labor and establish the works of your hands (Ps. “So teach us to number our days. 55:2). He has always met our material needs. the Apostle Paul expressed a passionate desire to complete his race without being disqualified (I Cor. your money. in the earlier phases of our lives. your friends. If age 40 were truly mid-life. 9:27 II Tim. Your legacy is in heaven. D. David had forgotten all of the wonderful things God had done for him. 90:17). Destroy them before they destroy you. 1. As you see others stumble into immorality. 4:6-8). He is not done with you yet. 20:29). 4. 4:17-18).

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11 4. 4. 39:2-3. as unto the Lord. despair. 1. He works hard. 11-12a C. 1:3 6. 1. She tries to wear him down with a lengthy war of attrition.Temptation: Genesis 39 I. God prospers Joseph both as a slave and as a prisoner. Joseph again suffers for his righteousness. leading to his imprisonment. 3 30:27 12:1-3 III. v. 105:17-18 49 II. Finally. 2.23 Pr. Why is Genesis 38 in the Bible? 35:2 43:32 46:34 a. v. v. 8-9 a. 20-30 Mt. God has given Joseph unique administrative gifts. Sin is unthinkable because of his loyalty to God. 6-10 3. B. Potiphar’s lust quickly turns to hatred. and even anger against God. and gains the trust of his master. v. 21-23 C. Joseph correctly identifies her temptation as wickedness and sin. The chosen family needs to get away from the corrupting influence of Canaan. 19-23 A.14 29:17 12:11 27:7 24:11 I Sa. Joseph’s jealous brothers sold him as a slave in Egypt. 11:1f Jdg. God supernaturally blesses to Joseph’s work. Tamar has Judah’s sons thereby preserving the messianic line. Mrs. Potphar seek to seduce Joseph? v. 1-5 28:1 Mal. 10:12 Rom. Why did Mrs. Joseph resists temptations to self pity. 5:28 I Corinthians. Potiphar recognizes that Joseph’s success came from God. Pr. he flees.. v. 2:15-16 II Co. II Tim. 3. Ps. The secret to Joseph’s success is that God is with him. Joseph succeeds where others have failed. 2-6 3. 39:9b 2. 6:32-35 c. Joseph is again exalted as he is given significant responsibility. b. Later he becomes the manager of the prison. 1-6. 7:6f 2. Judah marries a Canaanite woman. Judah commits immorality with what he thinks to be a shrine prostitute. v. v. 10:22 Acts 7:9 1. 13-20 1. v. Judah breaks his promise to his daughter-in-law. b. 6:14 2. 13 II Sam. v. Potiphar’s wife launches a threefold attack on Joseph’s purity. 2. He avoids her and keeps busy in his vocation. She surprises him with a sudden unexpected proposition. He gives her a well-reasoned refusal. She goes for broke with a final frontal assault. Joseph’s faithfulness stands in sharp contrast to the wickedness of his family. 11 3. Meanwhile. 5:8 Mt. 2. 7 Pr. 6b. His first two sons are so wicked that God takes their lives. back in Canaan. 1.21. Joseph resists many temptations while in Egypt. Joseph resists the temptation to conform to Egyptian religion. things are bad in the chosen family. Tamar. 10b Pr. 13 2. 14:17 16:16 D. 5:29-30 I Sa. v. v. 1. 12:2 B. He rises from being the lowliest of slaves to the master of Potiphar’s house. 6b-18 A. 10 Judg. Genesis 38 1. Joseph overcomes temptation with a threefold defense. Joseph is falsely accused of attempted rape. 35:22 38:16 II Sa. 14:17 16:16 3. 2:22. He refuses because of his loyalty to her husband. v. v. v. 12-19 5. v. A.. Joseph resists temptation from a desperate housewife. 37:1-36 39:1 B. v. 16:7 Mt. v. Introduction and review. .

10:13 Rom. 4:4 I Ti.21 Mt. 2. Beware of temptation. 2:18. God is with you even in the midst of trials and temptations. Mt. Isa. 10:13 1. Joseph is being prepared for his future work. 53:7 I Pe. You don’t have to be embittered when others abuse you. You will be tempted. Gen. 8:28 B. 6:5-8 I Pe. God is still sovereignly working out His perfect plan. 2:2 Ex. 8:28 1. Pr. Don’t think you can’t fall into sin. 5:7-8 3. 5:10-12 4. 5:29-30 4. When necessary. 7:10f Rom. 6:7 Pr. 20:9-10 Col. God will not allow you to be tempted beyond your ability. Overcome temptation by thinking of the rights and welfare of others. Work hard in your vocation so that you might bring blessing to your employer and glory to God. Overcome temptation by valuing your relationship with God above all else. Heb. 1. 2:9 4. He successfully resists temptation as he trusts God. God prospers Him because of His faithfulness in suffering. How does our text point to Christ? 1. Mt. 10:12 Pr. Don’t you be the tempter. 2:22 I Cor. A believer can overcome any temptation or hardship by God’s strength. 13:5-6 3. Concluding applications. 6:15-20 Ps. 51:4 Heb. 105:17f 2. 6:27f 7:21f 6. Mt. Chains cannot hinder God’s plan for Joseph. 2:16-19 5. 4:1f 2. He learns through his suffering. Avoid tempting situations and stay busy. 42:23 43:32 Rom. 55:1f I Cor. He is silent before his accusers. 13:15 C. even (especially?) if you are doing God’s will. Count the cost of giving in to temptation. II Tim. 3.IV. 7:22 3. 5. What people often call “love” is often nothing but selfish lust. I Cor. 4. 12:2 Js. Phil. You can gain victory over temptation. Rom. Pr. 3:23-24 Eph. Pr. 13:4 Num. You can grow in the midst of adversity. flee temptation. Your faithfulness to God may not be rewarded in this life. How does what happened to Joseph apply to us? A. 2:19-23 6. 6:18 5. 5:18 B. 32:23 2. 1:29 I Pe. 53:10 50 . 2. II Sam. 6:18 D. A. 4:7-10 V. Learn to recognize temptation for what it really is. 50:20 II Ti. Pr. Isa. I Cor. Gal. I Cor. which can quickly turn to hatred. He suffers as the result of his faithfulness. 2:9 Ps. He is falsely accused. 28:20 Heb. 4:12-16 II Cor. 5:8 Job 31:1 Mt. 1. 1:7 2:1f 15:3 4:23 Isa.

Gen. A. God made mankind perfect. 3:4 Ex. but we rebelled. The gnostics of John’s day believed that their spiritual enlightenment exempted them from sin. It is possible to sin without fully realizing it. while walking in the darkness. 5:12 Ecc. 20 51 . Introduction and review. 1:3. Mt. Isa. I Kings 8:46 Phil. but will not confess to particular sins.10 A. In verse 8 there is a denial of a sin nature. Some will admit they are sinful. Rom. II. They call God a liar by claiming not to have sinned. 2. 3:12-14 Rom.10f. 20:1f Mt. 4. What is the difference between the false boasts in verses 8 and 10? 1. 20:9 I Kings 8:46 Ps. 1:8-9 3. Rom. 1:6-2:2 1. 90:8 B. Sin is a violation of God’s law.Confess Your Sins: I John 1:8-10 I. 1:10-2:2 C.20 4:50 8:51-52 F. Dt. John 17:17.32 2. John refutes three big lies of those who reject the Apostolic witness. 10:13 7. Deep down you know about God and His righteous law. 2:15 6. What is sin? 1. 3:4. 1:6-7 2. 64:6 5. 2:4 John 8:44 E. John writes that you may enjoy fellowship with God. Some professing Christians claim to have reached a state of spiritual perfection. Who could possibly say he has no sin? 1. 22:36-40 3. You call God a liar. 8.23 Isa. 8b 1. The doctrine of sin is still under attack. 3 Rom. When you deny your sinfulness: v. C. They lie by claiming fellowship with God. Luke 18:11-12 Isa.5 B. In verse 10 they deny that they have committed acts of sin. Ps. They deceive themselves by claiming to have no sin (nature). You can be guilty of sin by commission or omission. 5:20 D. 53:6 4. 1:18-20. 1:13 I Co. Many think their good deeds offset their bad deeds. 3:17 Js. Do some blame God for their sin? Js. 20:9 3. You delude yourself. Don’t deny your sin! 1:8. How should you approach a person who denies his sinfulness? 1. His Word has no place in your life. Most people minimize their sins. 1:10 9. When you boast that you have not sinned: v. Isa. Some reject the very concept of sin. Sin is rejecting God’s way and going your own way. 7:25 Pr. 14:3 2. 53:6 Pr. You need to understand the heart meaning of God’s law. 4:17 2:15f 1:27 5. We blame our bad acts on others. 5:21f 22:36f Ex. 5:10 Ro. Most people presume they are basically good. 13:6 2. 10b 1. 7:29 2. 2. You prove that you do not possess the truth.

1:9 A. How would you try to prove to someone that he/she is a sinner? 7. 9:23 Isa. Ps.29 Rom. 32:1 4. 3. His promises are great. 32:5 51:1f 139:23-24 Mt. 51:5 53:4-6. What kind of confession does God seek? 8. 1.III. at conversion. and that Christians need make no more confession? 9. 18:21f 5:23-24 1. 6:11 6.12 Ps. He will cleanse you. 5:27 Co. Forgive as you have been forgiven. If you have wronged your brother. A. Confess your sins and God will forgive you. 1:22 3. He is just. 3:23-26 Isa. 32:4 Jer. Eph. How does God’s character (faithfulness and justice) give comfort to sinners? 10. Mt. Look to Jesus Whose blood cleanses repentant sinners. What is sin? 2. 1. How would you answer someone who says you only have to ask God for forgiveness once.11 C. 103:8-14 89:1-4 I Cor. Accept full responsibility for your sins. What kinds of excuses do people use to avoid being charged with sin? 4. 18:21f IV. Apply these principles in relation to one another. 4:32 Mt. Hope in the character of God! Ex. Come with a heart of repentance. B. 5. Confess your particular sins to Him. What a blessing it is to finally stop hiding and to be right with God! Ps. D. 51:4 I Tim. 1:9 II Ti. Lu. 32:3-5 Pr. 34:6-7 Micah 7:18-20 1. 5:23-24 2. Why don’t people want to admit they are sinners? 3. How does one’s denial of sin make God a liar? 6. What are the consequences of denying one’s sin(s)? 5. 2:5 B. He is faithful to His Word. What kind of confession does God seek? 2:23 1. How can God justly forgive sin? 52 . 15:20-24 Ps. Confess your sins. 1:7 Ti. seek his forgiveness. Agree with God that you are a sinner. 2:13 He. 31:34 Isa. 103:12 2. Is John speaking of the initial confession of sin at conversion. 1:18 Ps. Without confession there is no forgiveness or cleansing. 4. 51:1-2 Eph. He will forgive you. Concluding applications. 4:32 Mt. 1:7 2:2. Is John speaking of confession to men or to God? Ps. 10:23 2. 28:13 2. Eph. 2:14 Heb. 1:9 Deut. or ongoing confession in the life of a believer? 2:1. 1:7 Discussion questions. 1:18 Ps.

1a 25:18 Ex. c. 53 . 38:1ff 1. Ps. twistedness. 5:14-16 a. First. 3:7f Job 31:33 B. v. v. Mental misery. 11:30 5:5 Js. The ultimate result of the life of sin is God's wrath. v. 18:22. v. Deceit (guile): trying to fool yourself and God. 5d. I Cor. Your iniquity is not counted (imputed) against you. 1-4 A. v. God graciously forgives. 53:5. 34:7 Lev. Rom. He does not just ignore sin. c. you must repent. Neh. v. The nature of sin. 1-2 Ps. 32:23 I Kn. 3:18 3. II. B. treason. Stop deceiving yourself and recognize your sin for what it is! v. 103:10-12 Jer. b. but He deals with it.11 30:13 4. John 9:1ff 2. Your sin is covered. 12:13 Is. v. Ps. 53:6 2. God brings trouble upon you (for your good). Nor merely being true to yourself. v. Physical wretchedness. v. 51:3-5 1. Many professing Christians have never truly repented. 53:5.12 Surely our griefs He Himself bore & our sorrows He carried.30-31 Gen. Approach Him directly.6. 23:2 spiritual depression. b. If you confess your guilt. Sin: missing the mark: falling short of God's standard. Sin is never worth it! 4. 4:6-8 a. 10a Ps. carried away. 22:15 Job. 53:4. Your mere act of confession is not the meritorious cause of His grace. 3-4 II Sam. 28:13 a. 20:5 Isa. 4:6-8 I Kings 15:5 Psalm 51 Sin makes your life miserable! v. 9:2-3 I Kings 8:33 3. 2a Num. 19:13 Isa. 1-2 Ps. v. 31:34 He is more ready to pardon than you are to seek His mercy. 9:23 Rev. 12:5f C. b. (Guile) b. How can a righteous God overlook sin? b. 107:17 a. 5 103:3 A. 1:9 II Sam. Rom. Sin affects your body directly. The link between spiritual condition and physical health: Indirect effects of sin. 11:28 2. Openly confess your guilt to God. a. Not all physical problems are the direct result of personal sin. 1:6 III. Prov. 5 1. Specifically name how you have sinned against Him. Iniquity: moral perversion. 5a-c 51:3ff I Jn. 9:2 c. 59:12 a. 51:4 b. Your guilt has been imputed to Christ who died in your place. 3. Sin is physically and psychologically devastating.5b Gen. He has lifted and borne the burden of your sin. Psalm 32 I.8 51:9 Ezek.Rejoice in God's Forgiveness. The blood of Jesus Christ had cleansed you. 10:17 Isa. v. 12:11 Rom. I John 1:8-2:2 Heb. Introduction: A Gospel Psalm. God will pardon you. 5:1ff d. Not a matter of meeting society's expectations. 2b. Mt. 1. 14:12 2. 17:18 Ex. You can't be forgiven by going through outward motions of confession. 12:1f Ps. 1b Isa. Num. Your transgression is forgiven: removed. v. His righteousness has been imputed to you. Repentance is more than merely saying that you are sorry. Transgression: revolt against God's authority. 51:4 3.9 94:12 139:23-24 Heb. 4a. 1-2 Prov.

and security. Learn how to treat one-another. He will protect you from trouble. and pardoned. 18:27 b. 5:18 How does this relate to forgiveness of sin? a. Shout and rejoice in the LORD! 31:7 95:1 98:4 118:24 122:1 132:4 Phil. If you continue in your own way. We sin when we think we can take better care of ourselves than God can. not works. A. c. v. v. Seek the Lord before it is too late. covered over. Repentance involves trusting God for your happiness. 55:6-7 1. We look back upon what Christ has done for us. 7b 51:14 B. Matt. Rom. A great debt has been paid on your behalf. 15:6 3:15 a.10 2. 12:5-6 C. You renounce all right to count it against him (her). wealth. 4:32 1. 14-15 18:21-35 Eph. 10-11 1. 8 34:8 2. 3.4. You must treat the person as if they had not sinned against you. 139:23-24 4. When you wrong someone else: a. 2. You must forgive as you have been forgiven. v. The LORD makes the right way clear. 2:22-24 5. Forgiveness means that the sin is removed. Forgiveness comes immediately after confession. 6-11 Ps.by grace. 8-9 1. First deal with your sin before God. 6b-7a 31:20. c. 2:24 Pr. 1:3 37:29 Jer. Old Testament saints looked forward to God's fulfillment of His promise. Be teachable. Repentance must be heartfelt. 4:4 a. v. 5d C. 31:14 Your joy is in proportion to your trust in Him. I Pet. 9. 6:12. 10b 5. b. He will break you. Are you thrilled and exuberant when you worship God? c. 4:6-7 Isa. Loudly tell of God's holy character and his great works.23 61:4 91:1 105:15 I Jn. Salvation has always been by grace through faith. 10a Acts 26:14 Isa. 6. Ps. Mt. 2. 6:12 Ps. v. not stubborn. Are you converted? Who are the "godly" and the "righteous"? v. V. 55:6-7 3. You will always be surrounded by God's covenant mercy. d. Conclusion: Isa. Turn to God. b. He will surround you with rejoicing. Do believers need to confess their sins? I John 1:8-10 Matt. Don't make excuses or shift blame. Are You fully expressing the joy of your salvation? b. 4:1-9 Gen. v. Openly and honestly confess where you were wrong. Rejoice in God's care for you! v. 51:13 David's instructions for happiness. 51:4 b. Eph. Your confidence in him is well placed. 6-7 Phil. d. IV. v. 55:6-7 54 . 26:3 Heb. Forgiveness is granted freely . 4:32 a. Isa. Rejoice for the benefits of godliness are great! v.

12:15 I Pe. Joseph comforts his brothers. 3b 50:15 2. 12:17-21 2. Introduction and review. not necessarily felt. Trust God.13 Ruth 4:15 7. 16-20 Pr. C. 50:18-19 Rom. v. 21-23. nor even thinking about it. Those who don’t forgive suffer the consequences. 21-24 1. 8:28 11:33 II Cor. The Bible commands us to forgive. v. Joseph is reconciled to his brothers.27b 2.14-15 Ps. 21:8-9 4. 25-28 43:14 III. 13:5 B. Openly express your affection to them. 5:9 E. 12:7-9 Js. 41:51 Jer. 3. recognizing His sovereign hand is at work when others sin against you. God will equip and enable you to forgive and minister grace to those who hurt you. He even encourages them to forgive themselves for what they had done. 103:10-12 Ro. Sometimes God punishes those He uses. v. 45:14-15 5. 5 5. Jacob receives the amazing news and is revived. Joseph acknowledges God’s hand in all that has happened. Never take revenge. 45:1-28 A. In what sense does God forget our sins? 41:51 Jer. 1:2f Prov. 3. 21:1 D. Is. Sometimes it is very hard to forgive. Joseph sends his brothers back to retrieve Jacob and all their clan. Joseph showers loving affection upon his brothers. Forgiveness includes not bringing it up against them. 2. 31:34 I Co. Acts 2:23 Ro. 15:13-14 6. v. Rather than expecting them to try to make it up to you. 24 42:22 Mt. God’s plan all along has been for the house of Israel to go to Egypt for four hundred years to become a nation there. v. nor talking about it with others. fear and grief. II. Joseph offers to generously provide for his family in Egypt. 31:34 Ps. His gifts will verify the brothers’ report to Jacob. Genesis 45 I. v. minister to their needs. Jer. v. Show love to the offender. 31:34 1. 4:13 1. God is able to use human sin to bring about His good plan. 6:12. 3:7 4. This does not excuse their sin. 6:14-15 Eph. Forgiveness involves treating the offender as if the offense had never occurred. Eph. v.Forgiving Others. 1-3 Acts 7:13 B. Heb. 3b 1. 45:3-5 Num. 4:32 Mt. 103:10-12 A. Forgiveness is not optional. 4:32 I Co. Joseph makes every effort to reassure his brothers. 3. 16:1-4 19:21 1. 2:7-8 1. 5-8 50:20 4. v. Comfort them in their guilt. 5 2. v. 4 3. 10:13 Phil. D. Take initiative in restoring the relationship. Why does he warn them not to quarrel? v. 10:4f 55 . Joseph reveals his true identity. Forget the offense. What must the brothers have been thinking and feeling? v. 45:10-13 II Co. Forgive one another as Joseph forgave his brothers and as God has forgiven you. 8:28 2. 45:5-8 50:19-2142:36 Rom. 9-11. What if you don’t want to forgive? Mt. Forgiveness is granted. 12. v. Pharaoh expands upon Joseph’s generosity.14-15 C.

If the other person says they are repentant. Mt. Acts 7:9-10 John 3:14 2. Phil.. 18:15f Gal. thank God for the good He is accomplishing. As Joseph’s family gained favor in Pharaoh’s eyes because of his relationship to Joseph. 2:15 Hos. 2. There is a sense in which forgiveness and reconciliation cannot fully take place if the other party is not repentant. Acts 2:23 4:28 Isa. Other parallels. Always be ready to forgive. 1:3 John 1:10-11 2. 11:28-30 5. 3:9 4. 5:5 C. 2:9-11 Re. 1. but enriches us. You may need to graciously confront the one who has wronged you. 11 Phil. 18:11 5. Jo. He does not count our sins against us. Zec. bringing reconciliation. we find favor in God’s eyes because of Christ. The Father’s beloved Son is sent to His wicked brethren who reject him. 12:10 Jo. Eph. You never have license to be bitter. What should you do if your brother is not repentant? Mt. Sometimes it is impossible to bring about reconciliation. God predetermined that Jesus. Jesus. 18 4. Concluding applications. God’s plan of salvation requires sacrifice. II Co.3. 53:10 3. 8:9 4. like Joseph. Mt. 8:9 II Pe. God’s Son finds refuge in Egypt. John 18:11 Acts 2:23 4:28 13:27 1. 56 . Like Jacob. When you are hurt by someone. 2. 6:12. 11:1 Ex. Like Joseph. Jesus knew His brothers before they knew Him. Mt. IV. like Joseph. 18:21-22 3. 1. Luke 15:20 3. 6:1f 1. Is. E. He gladly receives all who humble themselves before Him. assume the best. some doubt the gospel of grace because it seems too good to be true. 12:18 5. accepted the Father’s will concerning His suffering. V. Mt. 3:12-13 Luke 7:40f F. 8:32 II Co. 45:4 Mt. 1:7 20:11-15 B. He invites us to draw near unto Him. He not only forgives us. God determined beforehand that He would suffer through wicked hands and so save the world. who thought the news about Joseph was too good to be true. 18:17-18 Rom. 4:32 Mt. Joseph’s forgiveness of his brothers beautifully portrays Christ’s forgiveness of us. Remember how God has first freely forgiven you. must suffer that he might save His people. 19:37 Ro. He has accomplished a great deliverance. 1:2-3 Ro. How does this passage point to Christ? A. 4. One day those who rejected Him will bow and weep. 4:6 I Pe. 45:7 6. Js. He receives and embraces us.14-15 18:21f Titus 3:5-7 Col. 4:22 3.

28:26 a. 25:19 c. and ignored His threats. 31:11 6. skills. you will be cursed. Government leaders/military power. She sought help from foreign alliances. denying the sufficiency of Scripture. 28:52 Isa. II. Such was the condition of Israel as Jeremiah wrote: under God’s curse: exile. Introduction If you trust in mankind. v. wisdom. Such is the condition of all humanity apart from divine grace. 29:16 II Kn.17 Same word: Eden A. you will be cursed! Does your life have a wooden roof? 57 . 31:1-3 Ezek. Don’t trust yourself. 49:15 b. 33:13 Rom. Don’t entrust yourself to people in the world! a. Application: like Israel. Co-dependency (co-idolatry). 11:28 5.In Whom Do You Trust? Jer. 2. Don’t wrongfully entrust yourself to others in relationships. 3:16-17 4. a. 17:8-10 19:10-13 3. 5-6 11:3 Gen. 6:5 B. Questions. You will be desolate and hopeless. 5:31 c. Don’t entrust your spiritual life to frail men. 8:13 11:16 1:15 25:9 Dt. 2:14-19 46:25 a. Family. Dt. 27:10 Is. Ps. 5 1. If you do. 2. education. Isa. Money. 3. a. You violate the greatest commandment. Don’t rely upon the flesh. psychology). 2. Pr. b. v. 2:11ff b. despised God’s gracious promises. 1. 3:14. c. 5a 3. Self righteousness/religion. She claimed to hope in God. 5b 2:13 5:23 3:2. your life will wither away. Man in all of his power and glory is but frail flesh. Summary: if you rely upon man. She forgot God’s great deeds of the past. Yet she was resorting to her own devices. v. Employers and doctors. 48:7 Pr. Is there any sense in which you are to trust others? Pr. Israel was inclined to trust men. Pr. Is there any sense in which you should be self reliant? b. 17:5-10 I. 33:2 b. The church itself has become reliant upon worldly methodologies (management.6-10 2:20 a. 7:4. Ps. Trust in anyone or anything else is nothing less than idolatry (spiritual adultery). 146:3-5 44:6 20:7 Dt. a.14 12:2 Ezek. When you trust mankind. Gal. He alone is to be the arm of your strength. II Tim. 6 1. Christian leaders. Friendship. 129:6 C. 7:4. marketing. v. 24:1 e. 27:5 32:17 Isa. Ps. 31:1-2 b. She trusted false prophets. the church is inclined to unfaithfulness to God.8 d. your heart is turned away from the Lord. 28:15ff 29:22-23 Ezek. 3:20 b. v.

1. 7-8 A. Ps. but your heart! 2. 50:10 Pr. 32:19 C. You will flourish. The believer lives above circumstances. 139:1. 3:5 John 3:5f B. v. Your sin cannot be hidden from him. There is no promise that those who trust God will avoid trials. When hard times come.23 44:21 1. Isa. He will bring judgment upon you. A clear choice. 13:23 15:18 30:12 5. 10a 2. 47:12 2. not mere outward reform! Titus. 12:6-11 Rom. b. 4:23 2. Entrust yourself by following His Word. You may think that you are trusting in God when really you are not. 2.16-18 a. These trials are used by God to strengthen you. You are without excuse. Your heart is deceitful. but failure to trust Christ. 30:18. Your security will be unshakeable. 9-10 A. 5:3-4 d. Are you controlled by circumstances? 2. You will flourish: continually bearing fruit unto the glory of God. IV. 14 D. 1:6 Ezek. 34:8 Isa. 4. v. Ask Him to heal you. Why would anyone be so foolish as to trust man instead of God? v. Heb. Isa. v. 5:20 a. God alone is trustworthy. You cannot cure your own heart condition. Your heart is utterly sinful: totally depraved. Your problem is a heart problem. b. Trust God and you will be blessed. v. John 15:5 b. 26:3-4 a. John 15:5 C. 58 . Pr. Application: whom are you trusting? 1. v. 11:20 20:12 Pr. The worst deceit is the deceit of self-righteousness. God knows your heart. Concluding application: you must choose whom you will trust. 4:8-11. 7 Ps. 17:3 3. 3:5-6 Isa. He tests your motives. c. 37:31 3. 31:24 1. c. 14:26 B. Confess your desperate condition. 14:1 42:16. Or is your trust in the Lord? 3. Rom. 44:4. 8:7-8 3. 9 1. 2. Ps. Acknowledge Him in everything you do. Jer. You need regeneration. The remnant will take root and be renewed. 16:20 d. 3:12ff Isa. v. Depression is not caused by circumstances. God alone can change your heart. Will you entrust yourself to the LORD. 31:31-34 1.III. Hope in God alone. II Cor. Pr. Phil. Ps. you will endure. 52:8 1:3 92:13-14 1. God invites you to Himself. Repent of all other hopes. 10 Ps. Pr. 27:3 118:8-9 40:4 62:5-6 22:5 Isa. The issue is not mere outward works or ceremony.

Js. Why shouldn’t you sin? 2:1 Your obedience to God’s commandments proves you know Him. 12:17 14:12 I Co. Introduction and review: A. Gal. We come to know God when we repent of our sins and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. 1:8-2:2 2. 2 3. Rev. Eph. 3 A. There are multitudes in our day whose claim of knowing God is false. 8:44 B. While obedience is not a condition of coming to know God. 1. Their continued disobedience proved their profession was a lie. 3. but coming to God to be delivered from your sin. 7:19 4. 1. 1. What does it mean to know God? Jer. 13:8-10 Jo. John is not saying that we come to know God by keeping His commandments. Jesus emphasized the necessity that His disciples obey Him. saving faith will result in holiness of life. He is telling us how we can know we have come to know Him. They fail to teach their converts the necessity of obedience as a fruit of faith. When you confess your sin. 1:8 C. If you have truly come to know God. 2:19 2. They carelessly offer false assurance to people who make an external response. Phil. our Advocate Who is the propitiation for our sins. 5. 2:10 B. they emotionally manipulate people to make an outward decision.Obedience to God. it is a necessary result. 1:9 Acts 2:37 2. Salvation is by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone. 7:21-23 C. Many think they are saved because they know a few doctrinal facts. 20 Mt. 31:33-34 John 17:3 D. Eph. Mt. Obedience is a characteristic of true believers. 4 A. Titus 1:16 1. Jer. 2. I John 2:3-6 I. 9:23-24 Some make a counterfeit claim to know God.21. 22:37-40 Ro. 1:21-25 59 II. False teachers have caused confusion and damage. The gospel is being misrepresented. 4. Many false professors of John’s day boasted that they knew God. Some thought God could be known through human intellectual endeavors. 1:6 2:4 Mt. Others claim to have had a great emotional experience. Which commandments should we obey? Ex.23. 31:33-34 1. v. Because they do not understand that conversion is a work of the Spirit. Because salvation is God’s work. 5:17 Gal.24 10:27 3. Works follow saving faith. you are not merely admitting the fact that you are a sinner. 13:34 E. 1:8-9 2. 1:6 4:20 Jo. How much can a Christian sin? B. If you don’t keep God’s commandments. Their lives prove they have not received God’s truth. you will obey His commandments. 3. 5:22f Titus 2:14 Eph. 1:4f 2:10 5:26 III. 1:6 II Co. Our calling is to faithfully preach the gospel. 2:8-9 3. Jer. 28:18-20 John 14:15. Others claimed to gain the knowledge of God through mystical experiences. 2. I Co. John 6:44 Eph. v. . you do not know God. Why must true faith always produce obedience? 1.

you will share His nature and bear fruit. 22:37 Lu. 13:15 I Pe. Do you know God? 60 . Do you see progress over time? 6. You owe it to God. 2. 2:21 1.5. Those who love God are no longer in love with the world. A. The love of God has truly been perfected (completed) in those who keep His Word. 1:6 John 10:28 14:15. love. Is John speaking of your love for God or God’s love for you? 5:3 4:9 3:17 Jo. His love for you has resulted in your actively loving Him and others. Keeping His Word is synonymous with keeping His commandments (and walking as He walked). you prove you do not really know. Do you value God’s grace to you in Christ? 8. John 4:34 8:29 14:31 13:34 3.55 B. 1:8-2:2 2. Love for the world cannot coexist with love for God. 6:19 Isa. How well must you obey God’s commandments in order to have assurance? 1. v. 7:23 Phil. Does obedience characterize your life? 4. 9. Is John saying that some who once knew God have lost their salvation? 2:19 Mt. Remember God’s past work in your life. 5b-6 A. Mt. 2:16 3. If you abide in Him. John knows you will not keep God’s law perfectly. Is your profession of faith confirmed by the love of God in your life? V. Do others see Christ in you? VI. 5a A. The work of God which was begun in your profession of faith has been completed when your faith shows itself by your works of love. Abiding in Him is synonymous with knowing Him. 3:12 4. B. Do you claim to abide in Him? v. 5a John 14:15.24 IV.17 James 2:22 C. 6:24 1. If you keep God’s Word. 2:15-17 Mt.D. 1. Are you striving to keep God’s commandments? 3. John 15:5 B. or believe God. Concluding applications. 15:9f 2. v. Prove your profession of faith in Christ by walking in His steps. 4:4 2. 5b-6a 3:24 4:12-13 John 15:1f 1. v. Jesus perfectly obeyed the Father’s will. 55:2 John 4:13 D. 1:8. imitate His example. If you are going to claim to be in Christ.23 8:51. 14:26 Js. Do you long to be like Christ? 5. Remember your salvation is God’s work. 4:12. 3. 2. 2:17 Mt. The world is opposed to God. the love of God has been perfected in you.10 2:1 Phil. This image powerfully expresses our union with Him. 2:29 3:3. 3. John is not suggesting that you are living perfectly. The world is passing away.16 Jo. Do you take your sin seriously? 7. When you habitually sin.

Your lies may contribute to others’ lying. 12:3 C. There is no objective truth or ultimate standard of morality. 29:12 If a ruler pays attention to falsehood. A. Rom. Teachers who openly deny the truthfulness of God’s Word.. 5. 6:7 Acts 5:1f Jn. 21:13 Pr. which declares that truth is relative. The theology of lying: every falsehood is a sin against God. 3. flattery. 17:7 Jer. 9:3 They bend their tongues like a bow. Pr. Introduction and review. 23:16-22 Ps.” Mt. You destroy your reputation for integrity. Lying has severe consequences. 12:22 15:3 6:16-19 Nu. 3:1f 1. 2. 4:25 B. Perjury. 32:23 Ga. 1. 2. 4. Breaking of oaths and promises. Ultimately people lie because they do not believe or fear God. Titus 1:2 John 14:6 2. II. We are made in his image and we are to reflect his nature. 21:8 22:15 The Lord detests lying lips. Exodus 20:16 I. People lie to avoid the consequences of the wrong things they have done. Don’t bear false witness. Post-modernism has infected the evangelical church. 8:44 II Co. 2. 3:1f 4. “white lies. What matters is what is true for you. 25:18 Ex. An evil man is trapped by his sinful talk. cheating. Don’t deceive: manipulating words. Pr. Carelessness with truth: claiming to know when you can’t be sure: accusations. You will harden your own heart. 11:3 Gen.. C. Jn. gossip. You will hurt the people you deceived. Singe conscience. Mt. Lev. God is by nature true and promotes the truth. Satan is by nature a liar and he promotes error. III. 1. teaching. Pr. 19:16 B. Your lies will bring judgement from God. Post-modernism. 19:16f I Kn. how it makes you feel. 1. 8:44 Rev. exaggeration. 61 . False teaching is a most severe form of lying. 5:33-37 3. Dt. Other falsehoods: slander. 3. 1:25 Eph. Pr. lies and not truth prevail in the land. 23:1 2. 16:38 11:13 E. Mark 6:18 Pr. D. is the ultimate assertion of man’s sinful independence from God. etc. 2.. Don’t bear false witness against God. A. Js.Integrity. Truth is a significant kingdom issue. Pr. 19:5 12:13 A false witness will not go unpunished and he who tells lies will not escape. all his ministers become wicked. What is forbidden by the ninth commandment? Every kind of falsehood. gullibility. 1. Your integrity demonstrates whose nature you share. 3. People lie to get something from others. 26:28 A lying tongue hates those it crushes and a flattering mouth works ruin. Why do people lie? 1.

Zech. Tell the truth. Pr. 21:6 19:6 Ps. 3:28 Jud. Keep your commitments. 20:15 A. Eph. 4:15 Pr. Pr. What is positively required by the ninth commandment? Integrity. 23:22 C. Jesus is the truth who makes a way for us to come to the Father. Pr. Jn. All of us are born liars. You should not always say what is in your mind. Col. Sometimes it is wise to remain quiet. Eph. 15:4 Pr. 1. Concluding applications. 1:8-2:4 B. He will change your nature. Sometimes it is possible to be released from a commitment. 11:30-31 Dt. even if it hurts.IV. 51:6 15:2 24:4 Mt. Not everyone has a right to the truth. 12:34 V. Proclaim the truth of God in Christ. 11:13 3. Integrity takes faith! Pr. A. 3:9-10 2. 10:19 Ps. Ps. Sometimes one is providentially hindered from keeping a commitment.16 62 . 8:3. 8:31-32 14:6 1. I Jn. He will establish a kingdom of truth. 4:25 B. E. 20:15 D. 141:3 2. 4.

Worry. Fretting is unworthy of a child of the King. c. vocation. 6:6-8 Heb. 11 Heb. 4:15 13:5-6 Isa. 27. 26. 8:28 II. v. God knows what you need better than you do. 33b Heb. 12:2 3. 4:12 I Tim . 10:13 4. v. God gives grace and strength as you need it. righteousness. Worry is hard work. Worry is useless because it accomplishes nothing. v. 30b 8:26 14:30-31 16:8 17:20 2. v. Anxiety is futile. By worrying you are behaving like an unbeliever. 6:11 Lam. I Cor. Why shouldn’t you worry? The disease. Commit yourself to the Lord’s business. II Cor. v. 3:22-23 I Cor. v. I Kings 3:10-14 2. 33a 1. 2. Worry about tomorrow keeps you from being productive today. 34 A. I Pet. You are immortal until your work for the Lord is complete. gifts. Serve God with an undivided heart. Worry is senseless because your Heavenly Father cares for you v. If you rely upon Him. 4:6 I Thess. 2:6 I Cor. If God provides for the physical needs of the lesser creation. 55:22 46:1-2 1. 11:28f Phil. surely he will take care of you. 4:13 Rev. 1:20 B. The answer is not positive thinking. Phil. Don’t seek to overcome anxiety in the world’s way. 32b 10:29-31 Ps. v. 27 Heb. v. 25-26. 28-30 Ps. 1:21-25 C. 9:33 10:11 I Pet. 84:11 a. v. Matthew 6:25-34 I. The problem of worry is not negative thinking. Cast your cares upon the Lord. v. 37:25 34:10 Rom. It is good to be concerned about certain things. B. it may shorten it! 3. but godless thinking. 30b-32 8:26 1. 10:13 C. v. 10:13 4. he will not disappoint you. Because God has already given you the greater gift of life. Give thanks for His bountiful provision and be content. 34 a. 28-30 1. How. you can trust Him to provide the lesser needs of sustenance. b. 26:3 Ps. a. 147:9 104:25. v. but a renewed mind. 25-32. prayer. 2:9 b. You can stop worrying. Worry is faithless because it denies God’s loving care for you. Rom. The cure . His children. 4:6 If you take care of His business.34 1. He will take care of yours. 31:15 39:4-6 Luke 12:20 Job 14:5 2. Rom. v. 33 A. v. Ultimately anxiety is due to unbelief. Phil. in practical terms can you seek His kingdom first? 5:6 Priorities. 5:7 Phil. 2:20 4. Worry is serious sin.27 Rom. Most of what you worry about never comes to pass. 8:32 2. 25 7:9-11 Rom. 31-32a 3. 9:27 Ps. 13:5-6 63 . God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able. v. 5:18 Phil. While fretting cannot lengthen your life. 24 13:44-46 Luke 10:38-42 I Kings 3:5-9 a. Ps. How can the person undergoing severe trials find help? 11:28-30 3. Trust God to meet your needs.

as God enables you. II Cor. II Thess. Jesus is not advocating carefree irresponsibility. B. 26 Gen. You are responsible to take care of today’s troubles today. 3:19 Believers are not exempt from having to earn a living. 13 II Thess. 3:22-23 3. 34b Gen. Phil. 32a Is God calling you to be His child today? John 1:12-13 Eph. 25:14-30 1. Jesus is not saying that you won’t have any problems. Don’t misunderstand or abuse God’s promises! A. God ordinarily provides through means – sowing and reaping.III. There is a legitimate concern for others. The antidote to worry is a radical change of priority. 3:17-19 B. 5:8. 3:10 Lam. 34 I Tim. 3:10 2. 8:15 11:28f Phil. If you are not a child of God – you ought to worry! v. 3:20 64 . 2:20 I Cor. v. A. 4:4-9 C. God tells you why not to worry. Concluding applications. v. v. 7:32-34 IV.

6:8 3. Providing for your family. Beware of compromising your integrity for the sake of wealth. 1. 23:4-5 b. Business ethics. Helping others. Deut. Pr. I Tim. 4:19 I Tim. Wrong attitudes towards money lead to all kinds of other sins. Matt. Heb. Pr. Don't expect others to provide for you. 6:17 Pr.14 4. Pr. 10:4-5 6:6-11 27:23-24 19:24 B. Money is important.14-15 9:12-15 3. 10:2 13:11. Money will be worthless in the day of judgement.11 James 1:9-11 c.33 Phil. 25-33 C. Money must not become a substitute for God as your source of security. 6:11. Luke 16:11 a. 6:24 II. Money is not a measure of your worth. Ps. 13:22 D. Riches have limited value. II Th. You must work hard to make a living. Whatever job you have. Prov. D. A test of your priorities. a. 3:6-14 Acts 20:33 I Th. Wealth is fleeting. 5:8 b. Most people in our day are in financial bondage. 2:7 I Chron. Love for God. Pr. 13:6 2. Your goal is not financial independence. Buying and selling. 2. 10:3 19:15 C. 20:10. 11:28 30:8-9 18:11-12 3:5-6 1. 10:25 Ex. 3:17. 6:9-10 Matt. You may expect God to provide for your needs (not desires). 5:10 a. Pr 15:27 Mark 12:17 Rom. 2. God is the owner and source of all wealth. 10:3 13:25 Mt. Rest. 6:11. 8:4. Ecc. You may not be able to pursue your dream career. 28:19-20 14:23 Don't expect to make "easy money". An opportunity for you to learn to trust God. Prov. Stewardship of God's resources. Introduction: foundational principles. Col. and ministry. I Tim. Prov. Eph. 2:9-10 I Tim. 21:6 22:16 3. A. 37:25 34:9-10 Pr. 50:10 Pr. family time. Acquiring money. Prov. A. A means by which you fulfill your responsibilities. 8:18 Ps.22-24 Eph. I Tim. 29:11-16 B. Taxes. 20:8-11 Luke 12:15 65 . b. 6:5-9 E. worship. 8:21 10:22 I Sam. 4:28 I Cor.Financial Freedom I. 22:2 28:6. do your work as unto the Lord. 11:4 Luke 16:19ff 12:16ff d.23 15:6 16:8 1. 5:8 Prov. 16:1 II Cor. Matt.

Col. 3:9-10 2. If they can't qualify for a loan with their own credit. Prov. 11:24-25 Mark 12:41-44 4. 4:9-11. 3:27-28 6.8 Acts 5:4 Ex. Avoid hasty decisions and impulse buying. 4:6-7 4. Control your expenses. 1:27 2:14f b. Don't make impulsive purchases. To the Lord's work. What you can spend is determined by what you have. Make a budget based upon your income. 21:5 22:3 24:3-4 Luke 14:28-29 a. 3:27-28 e. Prov. make the maximum down payment. Pr. I Cor. make do with the old one while you save up for the new one. not your credit. c. 13:8 1. 16:9 19:21 James 4:13-17 Mt. Practical advice. II Thess. 11-15 a. d. 20:4 22:16 19:15 II John 10-11 a. Gal. Pay your debts promptly. 12:8 Luke 6:38 Prov. What are the benefits of weekly giving? 3. Never co-sign a loan for someone else. Prov. Eccles.19 6. II Cor. 16:1-2 II Cor. 28:27 19:17 Acts 4:34f Eph. Never owe more on an item than the amount for which you could sell it in an emergency. I Cor. 2. 6:1-5 22:26-27 17:18 a. c. 3:17 Js. 9:8-11 B. Never owe money on credit cards . 1. Give cheerfully. Rom. Develop sales resistance. 2:1ff d. Give in proportion to God's blessing to you. Is there a fixed percentage God wants you to give? b. 5. Debt presumes upon the future. f. Give to the Lord's work. Prov. Only spend what your budget allows. I Tim. Prov. they ought not to spend the money. Giving is a priority in your budget. Give wisely. Give gratefully. 28:44. Give generously. When you must borrow. Deut. b. Write down every expense. 8:3. Borrowing is an indication of the absence of God's blessing.wasteful high interest. Carefully research purchases. 21:5 24:3 14:8 66 . 10:13 Phil. a. 22:3 14:15 c. Prov. 19:2 14:8 e. Don't borrow on depreciating items. 9:11-14 I Tim. C. Luke 14:28 a. 3:17 He will give you what you need. 8:9 John 3:16 I Jn. 5:17-18 Luke 8:1-3 7. 3:10 Prov. 8:1-3 9:5-6 Rom. A. 36:5-7 5. 4:19 b. 1. 6:6 I Cor. See percentage guidelines on handout. Pr.15 8:4. 11:25 II Cor.III. God blesses those who give well. Debt produces bondage to men. Don't be deceived by the desirability of more stuff. You may be helping them to violate God's principles of financial wisdom. Plan to spend all of your money unto the glory of God. 6:17-19 II Cor. b. Make a goal and a plan to be entirely debt free. Prov. 4:28 I Jn. Spending money.12 15:6 3. Prov. Instead of buying items on credit. 18:23-25 2. 22:7 Mt. To the poor. b. Prov. 9:7. Stay out of debt. II Cor. Prov.

25:25-27. Is it wrong to accumulate wealth? I Tim. I Tim. A means of ensuring that you can meet your own obligations. Accumulate savings gradually. Your money and your relationships are at risk. children's education. Prov. Prov. But don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Distinguish between necessities and luxuries. 1. 4. Beware of "get rich quick schemes". 6:6-8 Phil. 2. 5:10 Lev. Learn to be content with the basics. 37:21 Prov. If there is a great need. c. Retirement. 25:27 3. How much is enough? 3. retirement. 19:17 V. What about insurance? 1. health. The purpose of insurance is to provide for a calamity which you cannot afford. 5:8 2. I Tim. it is better to give. Is bankruptcy biblical? Ps. Wise spending. 3. I Tim. Prov. 3:27-28 D. a. The general rule is to maximize deductibles to minimize premiums. Prov. is responsible to take care of the aged. You can get the most insurance for the least money by buying term insurance. Careful saving. Teach your children these principles.14 2. It is wise to prepare for retirement by saving money. Is it wrong to take interest from others? Deut. 67 . It is not wrong to accept interest from a business investment. 15:5 Neh. 13:11 28:19-20. a. Saving money. layoffs B. 10:4-5 2. b. A. b. Take advantage of company subsidized retirement plans. Mt. Beware of lending to friends and relatives. not the government. Prov. property tax bill. b. No more than it is a lack of faith to lock doors of house at night. and homeowners insurance. Only eat out when you have budgeted to do so. a. 1. What are wrong motives for spending money? IV. it almost certainly is. b. b. A. Anticipate future expenses or financial crises. Don't ruin your children by enabling their laziness. new car. 6:6-11 30:25 auto insurance. It is wrong to take advantage of the desperate need of another believer. Other issues. Luke 15:13 B. Auto. Is it wrong for a Christian to gamble or play the lottery? 3. Is it wrong for a Christian to have insurance? a. Family. 6:17 Prov. 4:11-13 b. Hard work. 4. 10:4-5 2. 5:4 3. 30:8-9 21:17 a. Pr. Investment risk tends to increase with anticipated return. C. 28:8 Ps. Learn to live with (and repair) old stuff.22 15:27 27:12 a. 23:19-20 1. C. 1. Life insurance.3. If it sounds too good to be true.

E. Making a will. 1. Distribution of assets. Is it good to leave an inheritance to your children? Prov. 13:22 20:21 II Cor. 12:14 2. Guardianship of children. F. Get wise financial counsel from godly Christians. Prov. 15:22 18:15 VI. Concluding application. A. Make it your goal to be wise and holy, not rich and famous! Prov. 23:4-5 19:1 28:6,22 8:10-11 15:16-17 16:16 I Tim. 6:9-11 Ecc. 2:1-11 5:10 Mt. 13:22 19:22 James 1:10-11 II Tim. 2:4 B. Hope for those who have financial difficulties of their own making. Mt. 6:33 C. Remember the example of our Lord. II Cor. 8:9 D. One day what is valuable on earth will be worthless. II Pet. 3:10-13 E. Recommended Reading. 1. Your Finances in Changing Times, Burkett 2. How to Manage Your Money, Burkett 3. The Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples, Burkett 4. Master Your Money, Blue 5. Monthly Money: Allowance and Responsibility System for Kids and Teenagers

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The Disease of Materialism. I Tim. 6:5-10,17-19 I. II. Introduction and review. Do you have the disease of materialism? v. 9-10 A. First you are infected by a love of money. v. 9a, 10a 1. Is money the root of all evil? v. 17 4:4-5 2. Idolatry is at the root of the problem. Col. 3:5 Isa. 55:1-3 Rev. 3:17-18 3. Those without wealth desire to be rich. v. 9a 4. Rich money lovers turn away from God. v. 17 Pr. 30:8-9 Mark 10:23-25 a. Pride. Rom. 12:16 Dt. 8:18 b. Trusting in the uncertainty of wealth. v. 7 Ps. 52:7 Prov. 11:28 5. The disease of materialism comes in different forms. a. Some want to be rich so that they can spend and enjoy. b. Others seek security in savings. B. Next you will develop the symptoms of practicing all sorts of evil. v. 9b, 10a A desire to be rich will give birth to the practice of sin. James 1:14-15 1. Just as AIDS destroys the physical immune system, weakening resistance to other diseases; so the love of money leads to all kinds of other sins. 2. Families have been divided over money: divorce, conflict, neglect. 3. Churches have been harmed because of covetousness: neglect of worship; failure to love, serve, and give; misusing relationships; lawsuits. I Co. 6:1-8 4. The love of money can spoil your personal life. a. Compromising righteousness. Prov. 15:27 22:16 13:11 16:8 b. Get rich quick schemes. Prov. 28:19-20 Rom. 14:23b c. Using debt to live a rich lifestyle. Prov. 22:7 3:27-28 21:17. d. Being consumed with worry and anxiety over money. e. Becoming rich and successful. Prov. 30:8-9 Luke 12:13-21 C. Finally you will be plunged into ruin and destruction. v. 9c, 10b 1. Like AIDS, materialism is fatal. Matt. 6:24 13:22 Col. 3:5 Zeph. 1:18 2. Your riches will be worthless in the day of judgement. v. 7 James 5:1-6 III. You can be cured of materialism by the Great Physician. A. Flee from these things! v. 11a, 17 1. The best way to avoid the disease of AIDS is to abstain from immorality (Safe sex). 2. The best way to avoid the disease of materialism is to stay away from whatever promotes covetousness. Safe shopping, speaking, and thinking. Pr. 14:15 Eph. 5:3 Phil. 4:8-9 B. Pursue righteousness. v. 11b-16 Mt. 6:33 Prov. 15:16-17 16:8 8:10-11 1. A Christian’s goal is not to be rich, but holy. 2. Maintain an eternal perspective. v. 7, 12b, 15, 19 Ecc. 5:15 Job 1:21 Pr. 27:24 II Cor. 12:9-10 C. Learn the secret of contentment. v. 6-8,17 Phil. 4:11-12 Heb. 13:5-6 Luke 3:14 1. Your fundamental problem is that you think an improvement in your circumstances will make you happy. 2. Contentment does not come naturally. It must be learned. Phil. 4:11-13 69

3. What will it take to make you content? v. 8 4. Riches will always fail to satisfy. Prov. 23:4-5 30:15 Ecc. 5:10-11 A carnal heart has no contentment. 5. The secret to contentment is to fix your hope on God. v. 17 Phil. 4:4 Ps. 37:25 a. Not stoic self sufficiency, but sufficiency in Christ. II Cor. 3:5 b. Joy in the Lord is unshakable! c. Noone who hopes in Him is disappointed! Ps. 34:10 Heb. 13:5. d. Do you find your greatest pleasure in God? Phil. 4:18 D. Practice generosity. v. 17-19 1. Who are the rich? Greater wealth brings greater responsibility. 2. The great antidote to the love of money is to give it away to those in need.Prov. 19:17 Eph. 4:28 Acts 2:44 4:32 II Cor. 8:1-5 a. As God enables you, do good. 2:10 5:10 II Tim. 3:17 b. Rather than hoping that others will give to you, make efforts to help others. c. Give wisely! II Thess. 3:6-15 3. Invest in eternity. v. 19,7 Mt. 6:19-21 25:34-46 Pr. 23:4-5 11:24-25 Ecc. 5:15 4. Imitate our Lord Jesus Christ. II Cor. 8:9 Acts 10:35 Mark 10:45 I Pet. 2:24 a. God is rich & generous. Ps. 36:6 145:15-16 Acts 14:17 Js. 1:17 b. Our generosity should reflect His. IV. Concluding applications. A. Review: 3 stages and four antidotes. B. Are you spiritually rich today? Ecc. 5:10 Godliness is true gain. II Cor. 9:8 1. Material wealth is vain. Rev. 3:17-18 Isa. 55:1ff 2. Both rich and poor will stand before God. Prov. 11:4. 3. You cannot be cured of the disease of materialism until you are healed from the guilt of your sin through the payment Christ made. II Cor. 8:9 4. The Lord Jesus Christ spiritually heals all who call upon Him. 5. The new nature which He gives makes you spiritually rich and frees you from slavery to empty materialism. Rev. 2:9 Js. 2:5 Phil. 4:19 Jer. 9:23-24

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Sexual abuse is any use of a child by an adult for the purpose of providing sexual gratification to the adults or the child. Government definitions of abuse. 2. d. The Bible does not authorize personal revenge. Sexual abuse and exploitation. or advantages. Emotional abuse. Problems with secular definitions of abuse. 5:8 71 . a.Dealing with Abuse I. Some cases of abuse are crimes and must be immediately reported to the authorities. Counseling the abused. E. Prov. Mt. A Biblical understanding of abuse. 2. 2. schools. b. 82:3-4 Pr. A. He is in danger of becoming guilty of a crime punishable by the government. Physical assault. 3. He is likely going to provoke the child to anger. (San Diego Sheriff’s Guide to Abuse) a. 18:15f I Co. 5:21f b. 5 4. If the abuser will not submit to the authority of the church. Rom. Mt. A. including a parent to a child. Pr. 5. C. The Bible authorizes disciplinary spanking: inflicting physical pain as part of training. Is violent abuse grounds for separation or divorce? I Co. Physical abuse. Matt. b. Emotional abuse. Ro. When should abuse be reported? 1. Churches. Neglect is the failure to provide the basic necessities of life to the extent that a child’s well-being is endangered. 27:12 II. The Bible never authorizes the use of force against a spouse. 4:1-2 Pr. Threats. 4. 13:1-7 3. 3:21 c. A dictionary definition. B. 12:19 3. 22:15 13:24 23:13-14 29:15 2. 15:32-33 16:32 25:28 D. and families should take precautions to prevent abuse. Ps. 7:12-16 I Ti. Abuse is an improper treatment towards another when one abuses his natural powers. 1. Some counselors and pastors are mandated reporters of child abuse. Physical neglect. How much discretion may you use? G. c. Col. Parental discipline is to be loving correction on God’s behalf. 31:8-9 22:22-23 1. Do whatever is necessary to ensure the victims are safe. Government categories of child abuse. When an angry parent takes revenge on a child: a. F. It is desirable to use the biblical means of confronting sin through the church. Introduction: Defining abuse. Spouse abuse. c. You have a duty to protect victims of abuse. 1. 5:21f 18:6 Js. He is guilty of serious sin. it is appropriate to involve the civil authorities. Understand the difference between child abuse and legitimate discipline. privileges. Physical abuse is defined as behavior that results in the non-accidental injury of a child.

Mt. 7:10-11 c. 12:17-21 b. 4:6-9 f. Deut. She needs to recognize the characteristics of true repentance. 50:20 (2) To build character in us. 1:3f 4:7-10 Re. Rom. Eph. Rom. Help her to confront the abuser when appropriate and feasible. 8:18. Help her to rid her life of idols common to victims of abuse. d. Fear. II Co. II Co. Heb. Some “victims” have used false claims of abuse to seek revenge or control. 6. 1:6 5. c.28-29 3. Fear and worry. Mt. Gen. 10:13 1. Does forgiveness require that charges not be pressed? d. Wrong views of submission. Do extensive data gathering. Dt. She needs to honestly face the sinfulness of others. Ro. Is it sinfully vengeful and unforgiving to report abuse? Rom. 6:12 18:21f Eph. c. Lifelong bitterness. It is also important to protect people from being falsely accused. Having a “dysfunctional” family. Being angry with God. e. 5:3-5 James 1:2-5 I Pet. Teach her how to forgive biblically. All claims of abuse have to be taken seriously. Victims of abuse can become overcomers. 1:9 Dt. 6:1f II Co. Rom. 6:25f Phil. Offer biblical hope and comfort. Believers have resources to gain victory over the effects of abuse. 6. a. 1:11 Job 1-2 b. b. Eph. False guilt. Rom. Can she forgive if the abuser is not repentant? 4. 12:19 13:4 D. 7:17 21:4 He. 17:3 4. 4. Self pity.B. f. (1) To bring deliverance to others. 5:17 II Pe. g. How can you know someone has been abused? Prov. a. When should a victim forgive an abuser? b. by God’s grace. Rom. 2. 1:6-9 (3) To equip us to comfort others. Self-righteousness. 72 . Recognize that God is sovereign over suffering. 22:23-25 2. II Co. Being angry and abusive themselves. 23:25-27 3. Mt. 1:3-11 (4) To display the works of God. b. 7. She needs to honestly face personal sinfulness. Why does God allow abuse? (From Elyse Fitzpatrick). Desire for safety/security. 19:15 5. 1. 3. 4:15 2. Forgiveness is freeing. 4:16-17 a. C. Some counseling appears to have created false memories of abuse (False Memory Syndrome). Desire for control. 12:21 I Co. Mt. 7:3-5 I Jo. 18:15f Lu. Confusion. Forgiveness is only possible because Christ has forgiven us. Build a biblical view of suffering. Many victims refuse to report their abusers. 15:4 II Co. Help the one who has abused to understand what has happened biblically. 12:15 d. She does not have to fall into sins of: a. John 9:1-3 (5) To help us to appreciate the hope we have in Christ. 1:3 Phil. Abuse is often hard to prove because it usually takes place without third party witnesses. 4:32 a. 18:17 1. 4:32 e.

Remorse stage. The abuser must repent. Counseling the abuser. He recognized the sovereignty and goodness of God. c. II Co. Needham and Pryde. trusting God to deal with those who wronged him. 3. g. Js. Understand why people abuse.c. Gen. A. by Elyse Fitzpatrick. 12:19 I Pet. b. etc. not feelings. Ps. Gen. 51 Rom. c. chapter 14: Counseling Women Abused as Children. Blames others and minimizes own sin. 5:18 8. Blow up stage. 4:1-2 Even legitimate desires can become idols. 5:7 E. 12:19 73 . 2:23 e. Build up stage.. 28:13 1. Pr. 29:25 d. Build up stage. Low tolerance for stress. Characteristics of abusers. When they don’t get what they want. 37 b. He was able to thrive for many years before his abusers sought his forgiveness. Homework for victims of abuse. Self indulgence. Mark 7:20-23 2. Controlling and manipulative. Teach her to live by faith. Self centered. Ga. Abused? How You Can Find God’s Help. He was horribly abused by family members. 50:20 41:51 d. Women Helping Women. by Richard and Lois Klempel. 3. c. He was able to forgive and bless his abusers. Impulsive and aggressive. by Jim Newheiser). Don’t let him excuse or minimize what he has done. B. Gen. 23: Introduction to Biblical Counseling. f. It is important to address not merely the behavior. I Th. Teach her to give thanks for God’s blessings in her life. People abuse because they want something (badly enough to kill). a. 4. 50:21 Rom. they become angry and abusive. 25:28 d. 1:19-20 5. safe houses. 2. Abusers tend to follow a cycle: a. 6. b. 50:17-21 (See “Forgiveness and a Family Reunion” p. e. threats. Prov. but the attitude of the heart behind the behavior. 5. d. Man pleasing/fear of man. Expressions of anger (verbal tirades. Deceitful. 50:19 Rom.. Apologizing. 1. a. Battering verbal or physical. Js. physical violence) are often very effective means of controlling and manipulating people. III. What Do You Do When You’re Abused by Your Husband. 5:19-22 7. Learn from Joseph. 6. Charming. First he must repent before God not only for his sinful actions. even in what happened to him. Emergency phone numbers. Gen. He refused to take revenge. 4. Pr. Confront/report the abuser. but for the evil attitudes and beliefs behind the actions. Tension building. 12:20-21 2. 1. Gen.

How can you know he is repentant? II Co. Turning himself in to the authorities. 1. Remember God’s anger has been turned away from you. Priolo d. Stage 3: Have someone come over immediately. Mark 10:42-45 John 13:1f 5. 4:26-27. 7:10-11 a. Human anger cannot achieve God’s righteousness. 74 . Have him/her keep an anger journal (Priolo). c. Homework Manual for Biblical Living. Allowing anger to continue in the heart is to give the devil an opportunity. 1. a. Eph. He must seek forgiveness from those whom he has wronged. Seeking forgiveness from all those affected. Teach him how to deal with anger. Conclusion: Advice for counselors (from Needham and Pryde). Make a specific plan to deal with temptation. Teach the abuser how to change. 25:28 Ge. War of Words. Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Anger. Homework for abusers. 5:23-24 5. Stage 2: call friend: pray over phone. 2. A. 4:32 Mt. 3. Count the cost of getting involved. Teach the abuser to become a servant. Reading. Mt. 18:21f 3. c. II Co. 18:6 C. Tripp c. Go over patterns of abuse in great detail. Be cautious in assessing those caught in abusive situations. 1:19-20 Pr. D. D. 25:1-3 Mt. B. There is never an excuse for violence.3. Be extremely careful about the advice you give a woman with regard to submission. Eph. 4:6-7 a.32 Js. Can an abuser be rehabilitated? a. 5:17 b. 2. b. The Heart of Anger. What punishment is appropriate for an abuser? Deut. Anger pamphlet. if appropriate. Christ transforms sinners into saints. Exercises: Anger. Confession. Adams b. C. a. by Wayne Mack IV. b. d. Worldly sorrow is common among abusers. This does not mean that the consequences of sin are removed or that you should put potential victims at risk. Never spank in anger. 4. Scipione 4. 6. Don’t let the abuser shift blame. b. Stage 1 anger: put children in room: go alone & pray. What are the characteristics of godly sorrow? 4. He should willingly submit to accountability and safeguards. a. b.

4:3-5 C. The opposite of sexual sin is not no sex. It can lead to sickness or even death. even among Christians. You are robbing your wife of what is rightfully her possession: all of your sexuality. Pr. 51:4 32:3-4 Gen. but “good sex”. Prov. A. Lust is very destructive. A. The key to sexual purity. 3. I Cor. lies. 1. Sin makes you miserable. C. Our culture promotes sexual sin. Sex is to be relational and other focused. 1:27-18 Ps. Three key issues: idolatry. James 1:14-15 3. II Sam. 1. 4. 6:25-35 5:21-23 7:22-27 Num. Trust will break down. Ps. Sexual sin is primarily a sin against God. Ps. A. Will you be able to provide moral leadership for your family? D. 4. 39:9 1. To produce children. 75 II. You are violating your marriage covenant. 32:23 E. 1. 32:3-4 3. 24:5 Heb. Ps. 1. Mt. 13:4 Song of Solomon 1:2. It affects others under your influence: your children. 127 3. Introduction. To express the oneness of the marriage covenant. 4:23 I Th. She will be wounded. 7:4 3. C. God created sex as good. Pr. Your sin creates separation with God: broken fellowship. III. 32:5. It affects your relationship with your spouse. but perverse sex. God’s ideal is that you direct all of your sexual energy (including thoughts) towards your spouse. 32:3-4 2. Repent quickly and find grace. Pr. A growing problem. 5:18-18 Deut. 6:15-20 2. 2. It affects you personally. It affects your relationship with God. 6:25 7:25 Song 4:12-15 1. but the perversion of the good. Sex is meant to be a blessing. 5:27-28 Pr. Gen. Don’t try to excuse yourself by narrowing the definition of adultery! 2.The Pain of Porn I. 2:24 4:1 2.22-23 1. B. Evil is not merely the opposite of good. Gen. Jesus makes God’s standard plain: Purity begins in the heart. 5.9 B. Ps. 2. You put your marriage at risk. Ps. Your attitude towards your wife is affected. . King David’s example. Solo sex is a violation of God’s design. 51:4 I Cor. 1. Special considerations for single men. 13 16:20-21 I Kings 11 2. 5:11-13. Getting married will not solve your lust problems. and narcissism. It leads to more sin. Lust now affects your relationship with your future spouse.13-16 7:1-10 4:1-7 5:10-16 B. The opposite of good sex (within marriage) is not no sex. 2. For the mutual enjoyment of husband and wife.

51:10 3. Mt. Beware of rationalizing. When does a look become lustful? B. 5:2 e. B. 30:20 4. Make a covenant with yourself. 5:8 Don’t go near her door. 10:13 4. Steve Gallagher C. Don’t trust yourself. 51 32 VI. Notice patterns of sin: idle time. 6:9-11 Ps. At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry. Pornography: Slaying the Dragon. I (like Job) will look away. Pr. Gal. Be prepared to take radical action. Guard your heart. I Cor. I will not flirt. 3. 6:1-2 D. A. 9:1-6 7:4-5 2. 6:33 E. I will not become involved in a close friendship with a woman without my wife (and her husband) being a significant part of that relationship. Delight yourself in God! Isa. 39:8-13 2. by David Powlison 76 . Helping the wife when her husband struggles with lust. Guard yourself from lust. Not Even a Hint. 3. The husband must be honest and accountable. internet. 15:19 C. 4:23 Ps. I Tim. 9:9 Pr. 11:2 f. An Affair of the Mind. I will seek help.9 1. When I struggle. II Sam. Js. Pr. Mt. I will not be alone in a car or a room with a woman other than my wife. I Cor. b. Draw near to God. Get/keep books. When I see a tempting situation. Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker D. magazines. Help the husband to repent and the wife to forgive. 2:22 Gen. c. Help the wife to understand that his lust problem is not due to her physical inadequacy. Job. Seek help: accountability and prayer. Trust Him to help you in times of temptation. 17:5-8 E. will be brief and businesslike. 7:3-5. 5:16 Pr. F. Cut off TV. Heb. 5:8 14:12 5. Every Man’s Battle. a. 55:1-2 Pr. Invest in your marriage. I Co. Draw near to your wife.IV. by Doug Wilson E. and videos out of house. She needs to find her security in the LORD. Joshua Harris F. II Co. 5:29-30 Rom. VII. 27:17 Be Careful. 4. 2. How to counsel someone who struggles with lust. Pr. The biggest problem is the loss of trust. When tempted. Jer. Mt. Conversations with a woman. d. 4:8-9. 5:15-19 V. C. Fidelity. 31:1. 13:14 1. Stay as far away from temptation as possible. I Cor. II Tim. RUN and don’t look back. Take every thought captive. in a situation where my wife and her husband are not present. How much should he tell her? D. 10:12 Pr. Stay busy doing the work He has given you to do. Recommended resources. Set boundaries (hedges). How much should the wife check up on her husband? Conclusion: God offers hope and forgiveness. Laurie Hall B. 1. 13:4 Ecc. A. A. 10:5 Phil.

Conclusion: hope for addicts. 10:13 3. and reconciliation. In Christ you are a new creation. Pr. 4. You are no longer what you used to be. 55:1-3 2. 23:1920 I Pet. I Co. Alcohol. 5:15-18 IV. The problems with alcoholics anonymous (and other 12 step programs). etc. II Co. 77 . Invest your time and money in the work God has given you: family. Ro. God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. sex. but not necessarily the God of the Scriptures. 5:17 I Co. I Co. Food and drink which does not satisfy. You are characterized by your addiction for life. 1. Enjoy earthly blessings in moderation with thankfulness to God. The chief problem is idolatry. 23:29-35 C. Put off (quit) the old behavior. Put on (start) new behavior. 1. gambling. Sinners seek to find the satisfaction which is to be found only in the Lord in the things of the world.Substance Abuse: Drugs. 6:9-11 2. III. Broken cisterns. consolation. Eph. redemptions. 5:29-30 B. but rather sin! C. Stay away from companions and situations which might bring temptation. Pr. Eph. 21:17 23:29-35 1. Etc. alcohol. Isa. I. The problem is not a sickness. 2:13 B. A. 4:1-5 3. The answer: put off and put on. and pleasure in Christ. 3. Find your rest. 1. Introduction. church. All kinds of addictions/diseases: drugs. 4:22-24 A. 2. A counterfeit (replacement) church. Jer. Seeking recovery without biblical repentance. 6:17 Pr. 6:19-20 B. 2. II. A. The good news is that in Christ you can be set free from sin. I Tim. 15:33 5:11 Mt. etc. A Higher Power. You are a slave to sin (powerless). 4:2-5 I Co.

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Ex. 12:14 13:8 15:15 4. Luke 23:1f 8. Peter. Luke 23:23-24 Ex. Are you a people pleaser? b. or even lie in order to make yourself look good? e. 1. I Th. Those who believed in Jesus. 2. affection. 3. Pleasing men. who listened to the people rather than God. Fearing man. who was unwilling to back off of his rash vow before his guests. Do you struggle with jealousy and envy? 79 . Pilate who put Jesus to death because he feared the Jews. 23:2 II. Mt. rather than God. exaggerate. Being overly influenced by peers is not ordinarily a presentation problem. who rejected the wise counsel of the elders and listened to his immature friends. King Saul. Reuben. Introduction. Are you overly sensitive to criticism? f. How can you identify a counselee who is enslaved to peer pressure? 1. Being influenced by the ungodly. Gen. B. Conforming to the world. Ps. Are you afraid other people might consider you a failure? g. Are you overly dependent on people for love. Gal. Diagnostic questions. rather than God. who wouldn’t stand up to his brothers’ wicked treatment of Joseph. Mt. but were silent for fear of the Jews. Are you easily embarrassed? i. We all struggle with peer pressure. Biblical language for peer pressure. a. Peter.Peer Pressure: Not Just for Teens I. when he denied Jesus. 23:2 9. I Co. Does the counselee show indications of being controlled by the opinions and values of others? 3. Associating with ungodly companions. I Kings 12 I Chron. 1. 26:69-75 10. Do you often second guess decisions because of what others might think? h. The Jews who joined the mob in rejecting. 12:2 I John 2:15-17 2. when he capitulated to the party of the circumcision and refused to eat with the Gentiles. 10:6-16 5. Rom. What is peer pressure? B. I Sam. Who experiences peer pressure? A. 2:11-13 C. Herod. and acceptance? d. 1:1f 5. Do you sometimes boast. 29:25 4. 2:4 3. 15:33 6. Rehoboam. The naive young man joining a gang in Proverbs 1:10-19. A. 37:18f 2. Joining a wicked mob. 14:9 6. John 12:42-43 7. Pr. Are you over-committed because you can’t say “no”? c. Biblical examples of people who succumbed to peer pressure.

How can a Christian overcome peer pressure? A. 3:5-6 Ps. Trust the LORD. Religious peer pressure. Jer. 17:7-8 Prov. Recognize that the highest pleasures are found in the LORD. Social peer pressure: tolerance. E. Pr. 1:1-2 A.20f Mt. Pr. You need God’s help to succeed. News media and entertainment. Ps. 22:37 Acts 5:29 1. Fear displeasing God more than displeasing men. 1:23 C. II Tim. What are some sources of peer pressure? Ps. Seek wisdom. Educators. 4:3-5 B. John 15:5 80 . 2:8f C. 5. 3:11 Heb. Determine your beliefs and standards from Scripture. 3:22 2. which enables you to overcome peer pressure. Intellectual peer pressure. Friends and family. 3:1-2 Judges 21:25 B. 55:2 VI. 2:11f IV. 1:7-19 2:2 3:13 4:5 7:4 4. D. 29:25 B. Isa. 29:25 Jer. 2:4 I Pet. Those who fear God will be blessed. 17:5-8 Rom. Prov. I Jo. I Pe. What are the root causes of our capitulation to peer pressure? A. 55:1-2 Jer. 10:28 Luke 12:4-5 I Th. 29:25 19:23 10:27 14:26 15:16 22:4 4. Pr. 15:6 Gal. Idolatry: we think people can meet our ultimate needs and that God cannot. Pr. God is with you. Pr. which brings a snare. 27:3 118:8-9 62:5-6 1. 3:5-6 Prepare in advance for peer pressure. 3:1f D. 29:25 23:17 Mt. 12:5 3. 3:13-14 C. The church. Isa. Moral peer pressure. 17:5-6 Isa. Repent of your sinful fear of man. Col. Set your mind on things above. D. Even when you are surrounded by your enemies. Work or school environment. Prov. What kinds of peer pressure do adults face? A. Cultivate the fear of God and love for God. The fear of man. B. 55:1-2 2. 119:111 Pr. Seek to please Him. C. Col. Ps.III. 23:5 3. The answer of psychology is to build self-esteem. V. Succumbing to sinful peer pressure is self-destructive. Mt. 1:7.

4.E. 6:8 G. Heb. Carefully select your teachers and mentors. 6:19-20 I Th.17 Ecc.21-22 I Co. B. Be prepared to stand alone. Choose the entertainment which you will allow to influence you. 7:13 I Jo. Reading assignments: 1. Overcoming Fear. Pr. 2:15-17 II Co. I Kings 22:13 D. John 15:18f Acts 5:29f Mt. Moses. Peer pressure journal. Gal. 4:9-12 Rom. Homework for those who are influenced by peer pressure. Christ. When People are Big and God is Small. 6:1-5 Eph. Biblical examples of those who have withstood peer pressure. 3. D. Welch 2. A. 27:6. Peer pressure can be a good thing. 11:24-25. What others were telling me to do. Heb. The situation. 22:16 F. Prov. 2:4 E. 18:15f Gal. Studies in the book of Proverbs. C. 1. Micaiah. 1:10-12 2:11f Eph. Pr. Honor God by choosing wise peers. 13:20 Ps. 4:14-19 17:17 Daniel 2:17f 3. Godly companions will lift you up. Daniel 1:1f 2:17f 3:16-18 6:1f B. VII. 10:24-25 Pr. Worry and Anxiety. Daniel and his friends. How did they do it? VIII. Ps. 5. Make a list and evaluate the people who have influence over you. if you have the right peers. What I did. Fitzpatrick 81 . A. 15:14 Mt. What the Bible says God wants me to do. 2. Paul. C. 101:3-4 F. 119:163 1. Wicked companions will drag you down. John 8:29 Mt. 15:33 II Co. 5:3f 4. 1:17-19 4:14-16 20:19 22:24-25 23:20 24:1-2. 6:14f 2. Those who overcome peer pressure are blessed.

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4:35 Acts 17:26 1. but the LORD directs his steps. if the Lord wills. Deut. God’s revelation in Scripture is complete and infallible. 4:34-35 83 . Ps. 4:15 Ps. a. 46:8-11 b. 29:29 I. This aspect of God’s will refers to His commands and His desires.. 16:9 The mind of man plans his way. 119:105 Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. 13:1-5 18:18-22 II Pet. 1:1-2 Eph. 7:21 Not everyone who says to Me. 3:16-17 Ps. The secret things belong to the LORD our God. It is futile to resist Him. I Pe. 1:1 Heb. but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 2:4 Psalm 40:8 1. I Thess. Lord. 2:9-10 Dan. b. delivered over by the predetermined plan and foreknowledge of God. Mt..22 1:10 15:32 I Co. 1:9 4:12 Mt. 9:18-19. 1:27 Prov. 33:11 The counsel of the LORD stands forever. 29:29b I Th.Knowing God’s Will: Part 1 Deut. 53:10 46:8-11 Acts 18:21 2:23 21:14 Js. 5:17 6:6 I Pe. I Ti. 3.. B. 2:15 For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. 3. 2:15 Heb. 1:11 Rom.. He is sovereign over any plans we make. Gen. 4:3 5:18 Eph. 29:29a Eph... 2. 26:42 John 5:30 6:38-40 Col. 3. He does whatever He pleases.. Isa. What he predicts must come to pass perfectly in every detail. We are to submit to every aspect of God’s will. We should willingly embrace His sovereign will. 4:19 I will come to you soon. 10:9 I Pet. 53:10 Acts 2:23 4:28 Luke 22:42 As for you. Deut. 4. I Cor. 5. God’s moral (revealed) will. He does whatsoever He pleases. 115:3 Our God is in the heavens. Deut. How many wills does God have? A. 4:3 For this is the will of God. that we may observe all the words of this law. What he says must be in perfect harmony with previous revelation (Scripture). He works all things according to His will in the present. God’s sovereign will allows and uses events which violate His moral will. 33:11 Mt. 2:17 Rom. 13:21 I Jo.. God has planned and decreed all things from eternity past. 3:17 4:19 Gal. 1:11 Romans 8:28 Who works all things after the counsel of his will. 6:10 Luke 22:42 John 4:34 1. 1:4 Isa. c. Heb. II. 16:9 19:21 Dan. 1:1 4:19 12:18 II Ti. God’s sovereign will (His plan). 2:20 4. This man. d. 2. Prov. a. Ps. People who claim supernatural guidance are claiming new revelation from God. 50:20 Is. 12:2 2:18 Col. How can you know God’s sovereign will? C. 1:20-21 a. 7:21 12:50 Mark 3:35 John 4:34 7:17 Acts 13:22 I Tim. your sanctification. c. Lord. but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever. We should desire to do His revealed will. Ps. Eph. Mt. 2.. The plans of His heart from generation to generation. you meant evil against me. Where do we learn of God’s moral will? II Tim. 2:4 He desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. you nailed to a cross by the hands of godless men. This aspect of God’s will refers to His providentially working all things according to His perfect eternal purpose (decrees). Anyone claiming new revelation must meet an exceedingly high standard. Introduction. b. will enter the kingdom of heaven. but God meant it for good.

God reveals Himself to key people at crucial points in the history of redemption. 47:33 II Ki. 3. Deut. not merely coincidental. People express this as aiming for the center of God’s will: the Bull’s eye. 84 . authoritative. 15:5-9 d. This is the last recorded instance of guidance being sought in this way. C. 18:18 16:33 He. The desire for supernatural guidance is not limited to believers. significant. 21:21 3. Acts 1:15-26 Pr. supernatural guidance is unmistakable. 2. Other Apostles had been personally appointed by Jesus. 17:16 Ezek. c. The main characters in the Bible ordinarily operated upon the revelation they had already been given. e. Mystical pursuit of God’s secret things is explicitly forbidden in Scripture. Should we expect supernatural guidance? A. 11:14 a. Asking for signs from God. Judges 6:36-40 a. The field of candidates was narrowed from 120 to 2 using God’s revealed will. A wicked generation seeks a sign. Satan can produce counterfeit miracles and lying signs. In what ways do Christians wrongly seek supernatural guidance? 1. 2:25-26 II Cor. d. When God reveals Himself. c. The Bible does not teach that any such hypothetical will of God exists. flipping a coin). Acts 1:21b-22 I Cor. Romans 8:28 5. Pagans also seek direction for the future. Now we have a complete Bible which equips us to make godly choices. How did the Apostles select church elders? I Tim. 1. rather than constantly seeking special guidance. 2. 3:1-2 5. Gideon’s desire for a sign was due to lack of faith. 69:25 109:8 b. and exceptional. 13:1-5 18:18-19 II Pet. God only has one plan: plan A. 15:20-24 I Th. People neglect pursuit of God’s revealed will which is to guide their choices. Gideon’s act is never used in Scripture as an example for us to follow. 2. People waste time and effort pursuing something which doesn’t exist. 12:39 16:4 24:24 II Cor. 4. 2. Judges 6:12-16 b. Some Christians try to pursue God’s will in a way which resembles paganism. 1:20-21 3. Dt. Mt. 18:9-12 Lev. God’s revelation comes with His full authority. II Pe. We are never told to seek or expect mystical supernatural guidance. In the Bible. 4. III. 3:1f Titus 1 Acts 14:23 3. The sign asked for was supernatural. 2:12-13 Rom. Acts 15:36 20:16 Phil. c. Acts 1:2 Lu. a. 1:1-2 a. Casting lots (rolling dice. We are never told to seek signs for guidance. Putting out a fleece. Ps. People live with false regrets about legitimate choices they have made in accordance with God’s moral and sovereign will.D. 19:26-31 Isa. Gideon had already received supernatural guidance and knew God’s moral will for his life. He leaves no doubt. 1:3f 6. They claim those who miss the Bull’s Eye have to settle for plan B. B. b. b. 1. 16:13 c. Does the Bible teach that God has a hypothetical “perfect” will beyond His revealed precepts and sovereign plan? 1. Peter knowingly fulfilled Scriptural prophecy. What is the harm of seeking a hypothetical “perfect” will of God? (Bull’s Eye).

They fret over past decisions. B. We don’t want to trust God for the unknown future. 17:9 c. Concluding application. 1:9 Rom. Open doors (circumstances). Don’t be a Christian mystic. The guidance God offers in His infallible and all sufficient Word is neglected. People put themselves under bondage. Amazingly. 2:15 D. 3:16-17 II Tim. II Pe. 2. A. 2:16-17 5. Look to the revelation God has given in His Word. 2:12-13 Jonah 1:1-3 I Sa. People claiming supernatural guidance exercise great sway over others. b. G. We sinfully want a level of knowledge. F. What about verses which speak of God guiding us? Js. 5. All circumstances/open doors must be evaluated in light of Scripture. Is there something you know to be God’s will which you aren’t obeying? Acts 17:30 85 . 13:1-9 Daniel 2 Genesis 41 6. 1. Scripture tells us to mistrust our feelings. These verses are not speaking about mystical guidance. 13:1f 18:18f E. Dt. Deut. IV. 3. 14:12 28:26 Jer. 29:29 1. 16:8-9 II Cor. 4:2 d. 5:17 Col. He directs us through providence as we see His perfect plan unfold. 4:22 Js. 3. b. Using Scripture texts out of context “lucky dipping”. He guides us through His revealed Word which tells us how to live. Some claim God speaks to them. 29:29 Christian mysticism. Jonah 1:3 I Sam. and evil. 3. 24:4-7 c. Relying upon feelings and impressions. 4. If you claim God is speaking to you. 1:14 a. What is the harm of seeking supernatural guidance? 1. 28:26 Eph. 24:1f a. Does God speak to us in prayer? 3. 17:9 Rom. certainty. Pr. Should we ever pay attention to our feelings? 7. Some open doors violate God’s revealed will. 5:18 Prov. I Co. 8:14-16 Gal. 14:12 3:5-6 28:26 Jer. 2.4. Even conscience may be defiled. 12:2 1. 3:5-6 Ps. Gen. Why is it wrong to seek mystical supernatural guidance? Deut. Pr. C. Feelings and impressions are never identified as the leading of the Spirit. you are claiming prophetic status and will be held to that standard. and control over our decisions beyond what God offers us. We don’t want to take responsibility for our decisions and their consequences. 2. 2. 23 Eph. seared. Dreams and visions. Not all open doors should be entered. 1:5 Prov. Ezek. Many claiming supernatural guidance have made unwise choices and have caused great harm to themselves and others. experiencing unnecessary anxiety and delay over simple decisions. Titus 1:15 II Ti. many cessationists (those who believe revelation has ceased) claim God gives them specific direction.

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4. Feelings of peace or a lack of peace have causes which need to be understood. A. 2. C. 2:13 5. 13:17 Titus 2:3-5 2. 119:24 II Tim. Phil. The Spirit of Truth gives you understanding of God’s Word: illumination. 4:5 Gal. Ps. O LORD. Don’t expect a mystical answer to prayer. but with many counselors. 2. but the Lord controls the outcome. 12:2 Col. 1:9-10 Col.Knowing God’s Will: Part 2 Proverbs 3:5-6 I. 1:3 2. 3:16-17 II Pe. 1:9 3. Select your counselors carefully. 87 II. God guides you through providence (circumstances) which reveal His sovereign will. Pray that God will give you wisdom to apply the Bible to your situation. 1. Introduction and review. they succeed. Js. Review. Your attitude in decision making is crucial. 36:27 Ro. The Spirit helps you to apply the Word to your life. Ps. 5. They are my counselors. 2. 2:1-11 Phil. not merely counted. Don’t use prayer as an excuse for an irresponsible or selfish decision. God guides you through wise counsel. Why is counsel necessary? Pr. 29:29 18:9-12 B. James 4:13-17 Acts 18:21 Prov. I Tim. You may lack peace because you are very cautious or anxious by nature. God guides you through the Holy Spirit (The Counselor). You make your plans and decisions.33. Resources for Changing Lives. F. 3. 37:4 Pr. 12:1f Col. 11:9 5.. 1:2 3. Apply texts according to their meaning in context. God guides you through His Word. 1:3 Your testimonies are my delight. 23 Prov. The job of a counselor is to help you to apply the Bible to your situation. 1:9-10 James 1:5 II Tim. 6:10 1. The Bible provides infallible and sufficient direction.125 Prov. 5:16f Ps.13 Js. 2. 25:4-5 119:12.. 8:4. 4:19 Mt. II Tim. 5:1 II Cor. 1:13 I Cor. 1:1 I Ki. Ro.. He opens and closes doors. 3:5-6 A. Is there any sense in which God guides you through feelings? Rom. 16:9 The mind of man plans his way. John 14:26 16:13 17:17 I Co. 7:39 Ecc. II Tim. these are sons of God. 15:22 12:15 19:20 Without consultation plans are frustrated. All feelings must be tested against the Word of God. . 8:14 John 16:13 17:17 Eph. 2:15 B. 28:26 27:6 3. Ps. Good Christian books can provide useful counsel. How can you use the Bible to help you make decisions? Psalm. 1. 4:23 2:1-5 Mt. You may lack peace because deep down you know you are doing wrong. 16:9 27:1 Ro. 1:13 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God. 10:31 James 1:5 How does God guide you? Ps. How does God guide you through prayer? James 1:5 1. 3:1 I Cor. Counsel should to be weighted.26.. 2:13 1. Prov. 139:13-14 John 16:8 D.66. 22:37f 6:10 Luke 22:42 I Cor. Pray that God will give you the desire and ability to do His moral will. Pr. 2:8 Heb. but the LORD directs his steps. 3:16-17 II Pe. Deut.73. 4. 1. Ezek. 2:7 Make me know your ways. 4. Nowhere is the leading of the Holy Spirit referred to as a feeling. Pray that God will give you the grace to embrace His sovereign will. 3. Ps. 4:13f E. Teach me Your paths. 2:12-14 Rom. Your desires may also influence your decisions.

II Cor. What will bring the most glory to God? I Cor. 14:28-29 c. but not all things are profitable.. a. 14:15 f. 12:13 I Pet. 16:9 27:1 Js. Marriage. The Bible does not give you a specific answer for every situation. Submit to His sovereign will as it is revealed to you. 10:31 b.3. Once you have examined the biblical reasons. 22:7 I Ti. 2:16-17 2. 1:13 E. trust God for the outcome. I Jo. 13:17 I Tim. What will contribute to your spiritual growth? I Cor. Would this cause others to stumble? Rom. What will show love to others? Phil. and must be made according to wisdom. Heb. I Cor. Priorities. 3:4 Js. Genesis 2:18-25 Proverbs 31 Eph. Some decisions are based upon direct commands of Scripture. For example: a. 6:17 d. Sometimes it helps to make lists to weigh pros and cons. 13:8 Pr. Finances and giving. 7:1f b. 8-9 I Cor. Pr. 4:10-11 I Tim. Where should I live? e. 4:19 1. Are you motivated by a love of the world and the flesh. Will you always receive clear guidance from God on every decision? A. 21:5 2. What would Jesus do? I Pet.. 3:1 1. How much should I give to the Lord’s work? Through whom should I give? d. C. What will best fit your gifts and abilities? Acts 6:2-3 h. h. Sometimes multiple choices will be within the realm of your freedom. 88 IV. What vocation should I select? g. Giving. James 4:13-17 I Cor. But God directs your steps and determines the result. Search the Scriptures to find principles of wisdom which apply. . How should I divide my time among church. 15:7-8 John 13:15 5. 5:22f I Pet. 4. and work? 2. 6:9f Lu. 50:20 Concluding summary. Which education should I pursue? f. Once you make your decision. Location. It is good to plan and to be decisive. Pr. 15:33 f. Ro. You may choose according to your desire. 13:17 I Tim. Education and career. Heb. Am I called to full time ministry or missions work? i. 3:1-7 I Cor. 7:39 D. 2:21 Rom. g. 6:12 All things are lawful for me. Church. III. Call to ministry. 10:33 Romans 15:1 e. Should I marry? Whom should I marry? b. 2:3-4 I Cor. 1. 5:8 e. 16:1-2 I Tim. a. family. 3:1f Titus 1:5f II Ti. Pr. you are free to consider your desires. At what standard of living should I live? c. I Cor. Often there will be biblical principles which weigh on both sides of a decision. Be careful not to mystically interpret all open and closed doors as signs from God. Rejoice as you look back upon His wonderful providence (leading) as he works out His plan for your life. Ge. I Cor. 7:39 I Tim. 4:13-17 3. Which church should I join? h. I Cor. 3:1-7 g. Rom 8:28 Ge. or by a love for God? I John 2:15-17 c. 22:29 12:11 I Cor. Acts 18:21 Ro. Questions to ask yourself. 10:13 3. Are you being sinfully expedient? Luke 14:27 d. Many decisions are not as clear-cut. 4:17 B.

You have the same opportunity to honor God in your vocation. Gen. Work conscientiously because you are servants of Christ. v. 4. 22:12 Pr. 7 4. 6:5-9 I. 5:8 5. 3:17 3. Employees. your full time job is to look for work. 6a Titus 2:10 4. If you are unemployed. 3:10 7. 5:8 II Th. has spiritual significance. Pr. II. Heb. The fall makes work difficult and unpleasant. Hard work is a mark of godliness. 6:20 3. 11:6 8. 5b-7 1. 5c Ecc. What if your boss is unreasonable? I Pe. You have many freedoms and privileges others have not enjoyed.Serve God in Your Vocation. 5-8 A. Work is not everything. Don’t take unfair advantage of a Christian boss. Serve respectfully and wholeheartedly obey for Christ’s sake. v. Rev. 5a 1. 10:4 21:5 12:24 Col. 10:13 Mt. I Tim. 2:2-3 John 5:17 Mark 6:3 2. Some need to upgrade their skills. 4:1-11 III. 9:10a Col. so they can pursue a more suitable vocation. v. 22:3 B. like work. Your work has spiritual significance. Your employer (or customer) purchases and owns your labor. work for your boss as if you were working for Christ. 1. 12:14 Rev. I Co. Labor cheerfully because you are serving the Lord. v. v. The Lord will give you grace to endure. Ex. You are tempted to the same vices as slaves would have been. Titus 2:10 2. God has blessed humanity with cycles of work and rest. You are able to serve your boss in this way because you work for Christ. serving God. Those who don’t work sin against God and destroy their own lives. Ecc. v. 5b 2. Introduction. 5:10 Ecc. 6:1 Titus 2:10 I Pe. 6: 6-11 12:24 15:19 18:9 20:4 24:30-32 26:14-15 I Tim. 3:25 6. 9. 11. 25:14ff Luke 6:35 II Co. 3. Obey your boss. Do what he/she asks you to do. 11:29-30 89 .20 3:15 4:16 5. 5. 6:2 D. 3:28 4:7 C. Your work is important. 6 I Co. 2:15 3. 8 Mt. Not everyone can pursue his dream career. 20:9 Gen. 2:2-3 2. v. Christ reverses the effects of the fall. Be thankful for how pleasant your work situation is. Your vocation is a significant part of your identity and your service to God. A. 3:17-19 Ecc. 6. Mark 2:27 1. 28:19 14:23 10. Eph. 5b Titus 2:10 2. Rest. B. Serve cheerfully. Honor your boss. 2. Gen. 2:20-21 4. Pr. 7a 5. Serve respectfully. v. Serve wholeheartedly. v. v. I Ti. We will work in heaven. v. 2:12. Your work is a big part of your witness. Serve conscientiously. How does a passage addressed to slaves apply to 21st century employees? 1. 5b-8 1. There are limitations to your boss’s authority. Ex. God Himself works. 2:18-23 4:15 3. v. God created mankind to work in His image: dominion. Gen. 20:9 I Tim. making labor meaningful and significant. Acts 5:29 Gal. Christ will reward your faithful labor.

Employers sometimes have great power. God takes special interest in the weak and oppressed.IV. 7:12 3. 9a 1. 6:17-19 Pr. Don’t abuse your authority. treat your employees fairly. 16:2 I Ti. 5:1ff V. 2:5-11 90 . 2. Your success is not measured in dollars or worldly status. 10:45 Phil. Don’t forget to give to the Lord’s work. Eph. Deut. What honor and obedience do union members owe to union leaders? 5. I Co. 8:18 3. If you want to glorify God in your work. 5:22-6:4 Heb. offer them encouragement and reward for their faithfulness. Some make their career an idol. Remember it is God who makes you successful. Can a Christian join a labor union? 2. Remember you too are a servant who will give account to a heavenly Master. 4:28 I Co. Col. 9 A. You are not a slave. I Pe. Mk. Employers. 4. Eph. 1:17 2. 5. your family. A. I Pe. Pr. v. Your work is to be for His glory. Don’t neglect the Lord. How do these principles apply to modern labor relations? 1. Keep your work in proper perspective. 2:1-3 7. Treat them fairly: just wages and safe working conditions. Before you can serve God in your work. 10:25 6. Ex. 1. 9b 1. 2:21f He became a servant in order to purchase our freedom. Positively. 2. 3. God is not impressed by your worldly status. 2. 19:13 Deut. 4:1 Lev. Paul is not saying employers must obey their employees. 5:4 B. Enjoy the rest God gives you. 7:21 3. 9c 1. Job 31:13 Philemon 1:16 Mt. In what sense are employers to do the same things to their employees? v. 3:9 C. Should Christians honor picket lines? 6. Roman masters had great power over their slaves. 5:21 D. you must embrace Christ’s work. C. Concluding applications. Treat them with respect. 16:3 4. Sometimes unions promote adversarial relationships with employers. v. 20:8-11 Gen. 24:14-15 James. Js. Eph. you must be filled with His Spirit. and the church. Can a Christian be a replacement worker (scab)? B. v.

b. Paul gives a masterful diagnosis of our decaying world. 18d John 3:19 B. 19c 4. Ephesians 4:17-24 I. Who gives whom over? Who does the hardening? b. 20-24 Rom. 17-19 Romans 1:18-32 A. His understanding is darkened. 3. 20-21 John 17:3 1. 1:24-32 c. 6:1-11 A. v. you are still a slave living in futility! III. homosexuality. 2:19 2. you must deaden your God given conscience. The unbeliever is unable to rescue himself from the vanity of sin. There is no life apart from God. The punishment for sin is more sin. v.12 Isa. v. v. 19b a. 8:6-8 4. v. v. They are enslaved to their lusts. He is culpably ignorant of ultimate truth. 17b. He is alienated from the life of God. Why is our society deteriorating? Crime. 2:4 91 II. v. 19d C. 22 Jer. The biblical concept of the mind goes for beyond mere intellect. v. 1:32 d. 18 Gen. v. v. Rom. v. The life of the unbeliever is an exercise in futility! v.A Change of Clothes and a Change of Mind. 19 1. 2:14-15 If you want to enjoy a life of sin. 53:6 Rom. The cause of the natural man's plight is in his mind. but they lack true knowledge. B. 18c Rom. 21b 4. The natural man consequently is enslaved to wicked behavior. He is the teacher. c. The life of unbelief is empty. He is the subject. v. 20 a. 17:9 Prov. Rom. drugs. 1:21 1. 19a I Tim. Rom. v. The problem is in the mind. v. 1:21 a. . 18a I Cor. 6:15 Rom. 2. The fall affects the whole man. John 14:6 8:12 18:38 I Tim. 2:14 a. v. Pet. 4. The world has information. Becoming a Christian involves embracing the truth about Christ. 5:1ff 7:6ff II. He has given himself over to the reign of the flesh .psychopathic sinners. 18b 2:1. Those who act this way do so by their deliberate rejection of God. 4:2 Jer. v. v. You have joined the school of Christ. 21a John 10:27 How do you hear Christ? 3. He is the classroom. 2. 1. You have been converted through the knowledge of Christ. He offers the only truth which overcomes the blindness.22 Ecc. Christianity is knowing Christ personally. It is impossible to have morality without godliness. b. ignorance and hardness of the natural man. deficit. 3. He is morally beyond feeling. 1:18-22 John 9:40-41 3. 2. His heart has become petrified. If you have not yet been converted. b. He is controlled by an insatiable desire for more. 6:5 Every unbeliever has a mental problem. Christianity is not a mere feeling/experience. 1:2 3:9 Rom. 5. Christianity is not merely a set of rules for self improvement. Many have fallen into despair. A. Introduction and review. abortion. You have abandoned the futile life of the pagans. The lusts which enslaved you are deceitful. He is involved in every kind of impurity.

v. what are you responsible to do? Remember who you are! v. 22-24 1. 2:20 92 . 22 Rom. 13:14 2. 5:17 3. Conversion is a change from within. Your inner self is continually being renewed. Ezek. This is an ongoing process. 2:12-13 IV. v. Since conversion has already taken place. 22-24 1. When did the putting off and putting on take place? Col. You have stripped off the old man and put on the new.B. 36:26 Gal.3:9-10 a. You can't successfully take off the old man without putting on the new. 24 II Pet. Phil. There is both an active and a passive side to this renewal. The old man was put to death at conversion! v. c. d. v. 23 Rom. Walk in righteousness and holiness because God has restored His Image in you by a creative act. 1:4 II Cor. 22a Rom. BC and AD. 2:12-14 a. 24 Rom. v. Conclusion. At the same time you put on the new man. b. No longer live in the decaying way of the old man since you have already taken him off. C. 12:2 I Cor. 6:6 b. 6:4-5 c.

How are we tempted to rationalize falsehood? (white lies?) B. 3. 3:10-13 II. exaggeration. 8:16-17 1. 1:18 2. misstatement of facts. 3. 26b-c Ps. 11:3 2. It takes faith to tell the truth.) 4. 26c Matt. Put on good behavior. cheating on school work. 26a Is there such a thing as righteous anger? 1. v. v. III. Put on integrity. God’s Word gives you the reason and the ability to be ethical. As God's chosen and redeemed people. 26-27 A. Ephesians 4:25-30 I. v. Lev. Acts 1:8 Prov. John 14:6 8:32 17:17 Titus 1:2 God takes lying very seriously. A. 15:4 (Perjury. 1:4 2:10 I Pet. 12:17-21 Eph. 2. v. Put off falsehood. 25 A. v. 5:6 Mark. What do you do when you get into a tight place? 3. 7:9 James 1:19-20 1. 2. 15:1. betrayal of a confidence. 27 II Cor. B. Replace sinful anger with a controlled temper.Turn Natural Vices into Supernatural Virtues. 3. The uniqueness of Christian ethics. The best sin to be angry at is your own.18 29:11 Js.4 1:23 1. Put off sinful anger. 1. 5:23-24 Rom. God Himself is angry at sin. 27 How you control your temper is part of the unseen spiritual battle. 3:20 6:15 2. 2. Must we always tell the whole truth? 4:15a Prov. failure to keep a promise or commitment. deceit. Examples of violations of this commandment. thus lying is destructive to the church. We are free from the Law. 4:4 Ecc. 3:5 John 2:14-17 Rom. 1:19-20 C. rumors. What place does God's Law have in the new covenant church? 1. Righteous anger is rare and short lived. The world deals with anger through supression and ventilation. 1:14-16 3. Acts 5:1-11 Rev. John 14:15 Eph. Intimate fellowship is based upon trust. you owe the truth to one another. flattery. 93 . Don't remain angry for long. We are people of truth. v. Put off bad behavior. you are inviting Satan's activity. Why does this come first? a. v. 4:32 I Pet. We ought to have a holy hatred for evil. v. 11:13 C. 20:15 2. 97:10 119:53 69:9 2:12 3. Ps. Gal. 25b 1. we are called to obedience. If you don't handle your anger properly. B. God is. 25c. 25a Ex. 20:16 Zech. truth. 21:8. Ethical behavior is built upon the doctrinal foundation already laid. Introduction. Rom. v. by nature. Put on controlled righteous indignation. 2:21-23 Prov. Replace lying with truth. carelessness. As members of Christ's body. God's Law convicts unbelievers of sin & calls them to repentance. We live in an age of liars. 6:1-6 Ps.

28c Luke 3:11 Acts 20:34-35 1. Phil. Rom. 22:1-4 Luke 19:8 B. d. 2:9 4:11 Acts 20:34 Prov. e. Failure to pay a fair price or wage. 4:11 B. 28 A. Theft is rampant in our society.) 2. Become the new man Christ died to make you. Stealing ideas (plagiarism). v. 5:8 2. A. v. 20:15 Lev. 28b Acts 20:34-35 1. Work hard so you can help those in need. Put off stealing. By doing so. h. 26:13-16 28:19-20 C. c. II Thess. 14:12 4. expectation of something for nothing from the government. (Crime. padding expense accounts. Each of these sins can be rationalized. Prov. 28a Ex. 37:21 g. 14:23 Ex. Conclusion. Replace theft with hard work and charity. 17:9 a. Put on good hard work. 3:6-15 I Tim. v. 2:9-10 1. One of the great sins of our day is sloth. The sin of theft can be very subtle. underpayment of taxes. 3. v. 8:9 Prov. 6:9-11 94 . 19:17 4. Stealing the time of others by forcing them to wait for you to be late. b. 19:11 Titus. Robbing your employer by not giving a day's work for a day's wage. II Cor.IV. Are you working hard? I Thess. 3. Ultimately stealing is rooted in unbelief. Borrowing and not returning. Taking company resources for personal use. Copyright violations. you reflect the Lord's sacrificial kindness. Overcharging. Jer. Ps. Remember that you are indebted to the Lord for every blessing. It is right to help the righteous who are in financial distress. V. Notice what is not given as the motive for hard work! 2. scams. Are there liars and thieves in our church? I Cor. f.

Replace murderous hatred with Christlike love. 13:5 3. Meet needs by ministering grace through what you say. e. 29b Luke 4 1. 17:28 11:12 B. What if the other person will not seek your forgiveness? 95 . f. backbiting. 18:21-22 d. v. People will sin against you. (More suppression) Prov. 30 Isa. 63:10 1. How can you appear wise? Prov. Forgiveness is granted. Do you engage in rotten speech? I Cor. Be kind to one another. Put on love. rudeness. Privately confront your brother in love. Malice (including vindictiveness) Rom. 18:21-22 a. c.Walk in Love. 12:14-15 2. 4:8 Col. 12:17-21 B. Put off hateful behavior. Forgiveness is a lost art in our society. I Pet. c. v. Speech is important. cutting. No believer has the right to withhold forgiveness from a brother. 10:24 C. 12:36 Ps. Paul gives a you a powerful incentive to control your tongue. Forgiving each other. Anger. not felt (Adams). b. Keep quiet by overlooking sin in love. Prov. 2. How is the Holy Spirit affected by your sin? Rom. 15:33 a. Prov. 14:29 James 1:19-20 Matt. 6:19-20 2. Replace destructive speech with conversation which builds others up. Introduction and review. profanity. 18:15 Luke 17:3 6. 4:8 b. 15:18 2. dirty jokes. Be tender-hearted. v. Clamor: Violent verbal outbursts (more ventilation) 5. (ventilation) Prov. Forgiveness is a promise not raise the issue again to the offender. (suppression) Lev. 31 1. Slander. 8:9 I Cor. II. 29:11 I Cor. Thereby you will not grieve the Holy Spirit! v. Foul language. argumentative. 32a 5:2 1. b. 4:29-30 A. 25:11 Heb. or oneself (Adams). 10:19 29:20 17:28 Matt. 12:15 3. Bitterness. 4:29-5:2 I. Matt. 3:8 Rom. Hurtful words: disrespectful. to others. 19:17-18 Heb. I Pet. v. Put off toxic words. Matt. Wrath. Wasted words. 4:6 2. Build others up with your tongue. Either: a. III. James 3:1-12 Matt. 29a 1. Luke 17:3 Matt. 4:31-32 A. 141:3 James 1:19 d. 5:21-22 4. Eph. 5:19-20 Phil. Put on appropriate edifying speech.

53:6. c. (Satisfaction) Gen. 4:32b 5:2 1.we are to forgive because we are forgiven. Theology and practice (doctrine and love) are inseparable. v. The Gospel delivers you from the practice of sin. You owed a crushing debt. 5:1 4:24 Matt. 5:25-27 John 10:11. 4:32-5:2 A. 2:5-8 1. His death was an offering and a sacrifice to God. C. You are able to imitate God. 5:1 1:5 2:19 2. Forgetful. 18:23-35 a. 2:5-8 I Pet. because you are His child. Love and forgive as you have been loved and forgiven in Christ. A. b. Ps. He died for us (substitution). The balance between law and grace. The only way a holy God could forgive us is in Christ. you have not yet experienced His forgiveness. 3:18 2:24 Isa.IV. 32b Matt. Having experienced His love. Free. 18:21-35 Phil. 1:1-17 d. The measure of your understanding of God's love is the degree to which You manifest it. The model . If you refuse to forgive. 96 . 3:25-26 5:9-10 Isa. b. His work was a fragrant aroma to God. Matt.imitate God's love in Christ. 103:12 V. Full. 8:1-2 Ex.12 c. Conclusion and application. The love of Christ provides the motive and the model for your love. B. He voluntarily gave Himself up. 2:21 4:8 Ps. 29:18 2. 103:12 a. B. 53:10 Lev. 5:21 I Pet. 5:48 Phil. you are compelled to forgive. c. II Cor. The motive .15 12:27 15:13 b. 4:32b 5:2 I John 3:16 a. (Penal) Rom.

3. 20:20 30:17 Ex. Introduction: Why do kids turn out the way they do? A. Learn from Eli and David.22:15 29:15 13:24 f. Not all rebellion is the fault of the parents. How should discipline be carried out? The Process. 5.22-25 3:13 4:11 I Kings 1:5-6 2. 1. We are dependent upon God’s sovereign grace.25 29:15b 19:13 The father of a fool has no joy.When Good Kids Make Bad Choices I. 12:10 b.4:23 Mk. Discipline may spare your children from death. 17:21. 7:20-23 d. 20:11 Ezek. Pr. Prov. Neither had the wicked influences our kids face. God blesses faithful parents. 1. a. Both were born with the same fallen nature. 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. like Cain. How can parents prevent their kids from getting out of control? A. but fail because they use the wrong method. 8:21 Ps. 6:4 1. 2:12-17. Demand immediate and respectful obedience. Children are responsible for the choices they make. b. Israel. Pr. Prov. b. Don’t merely target behavior. Does good parenting guarantee good kids? Prov. Our children are so sinful they would reject discipline. e. 23:13-14 2. Bad patterns established in childhood last a lifetime. If you neglect discipline you will contribute to your child’s ruin and your own misery: a matter of life and death. you will live and prosper. 20:20 30:11. 1. Jer. by Bruce Ray) Eph. you will die young.17 3. d. Is Proverbs 22:6 an unconditional promise or a maxim? 2. Parents suffer grief and shame. 4:1-9 a.17 5. Pr. 97 . 21:15. I John 1:9 g. Why is discipline necessary? Gen. 1. 6. c.. 29:17 C. 20:12 E. You must be self-disciplined. Pr. rejected God’s discipline. Discipline them while there is hope. Children die of parental neglect. Both grew up in the same environment. 4. If you respect and obey your parents. Lovingly forgive and restore the relationship. Deal with the heart of sin. You can’t save your kids! II. Ge. 2:30 5:3 7:28 4. Each was responsible for the choice he made. Other parents try hard. Ep. Foolishness in childhood can last a lifetime. If his conduct is pure and right. Your children will bring you joy. 8:21 B. 51:5 Prov. a. 18:5-13 It is by his deeds that a lad distinguishes himself. 22:15 2. c. When the rules are broken take disciplinary action. Point them to their need of redemption in Christ. There is no guarantee of success. Pr. A foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him D. I Sam.6:2 Ex. What was the difference between Cain and Abel? Gen. If you reject discipline. Teach principles of behavior from the Bible. 2. by Ted Tripp and Withhold not Correction. None of us is a good enough parent to merit our child’s salvation! Heb. (See Shepherding a Child’s Heart.

by Jerry Marcellino) 1. Pr. 3.20-25 Prov.19:11 g. 4:29 e. a. e. Dt. 1:1f h. Misplaced parental values and priorities: Idolatry. Overindulgence and enabling sinful behavior. 13:24 19:18 c. You cannot delegate the education of your children to anyone else. The primary place of training is the home. Overprotection: Not letting children grow up. Heb. What about disciplining older children (teens)? 4. Ps. Deut. Lack of boundaries and failure to enforce standards. Anger/harshness: verbal or physical abuse. You must instruct your children. II Ti. Train them through formal teaching: family worship Deut. 22:1 d. d. 6:2-3 e. Prov. 3:13 a. 6:20-23 a. 1:19-20 Mt. 13:11 b. 22:15 19:18 Col. Pr. False accusations. 2-3 I Co. 103:13-14 2. Using worldly methodologies instead of the Bible! a. Stressing self esteem. Js.17 Eph. 2:8-9 b. 3:21 Rev. Rediscovering the Lost Treasure of Family Worship. Failure to encourage and reward good behavior. 2:11 I Co. Col. Prov. 4:25 Js. Pharisaical works based discipline. Why not use time outs and other methods favored by modern psychologists? Pr. Luke 12:48 I Co. 3:15 c. 18:3. Children need to understand all of reality from the perspective of Scripture. b. 6:4-9. 13:11 c. The Word must first be on your heart! Deut. C. 20-25 d. “How to Ruin You Kids” Col. Train them in the Word. 3:1-2. 6:20-25 Incorporate the gospel into the way you train your children. 18:15a Eph.3. d. Failure to express unconditional and deep love. 5:21-23 d. Deut. Make your family the primary influence in your child’s life. I Th. What about kids diagnosed with ADD or ADHD? f. You are to prepare your children to live as God's people in the world. 20:5 3. 2. c. Don’t provoke them to anger (drive them to rebellions). Pr. Strive to build an intimate relationship with your children. Evangelize your children. c. A child centered home. 1:19 Pr. Mt. 23:13-14. Underdiscipline. 20:5 Deut 6:20 f. “Calling card” 98 . Pr. Prepare them for adult life. Parents are responsible for the education of their children. 6:7 II Ti. d. faultfinding and negativity. B. Train your children through informal instruction. 3:21 (See The Heart of Anger. Deut. 6:4-9. 29:15 b. Threats not carried out. by Paul Tripp. 6:20-23 (See Age of Opportunity. 6:9.20-25 a. 12:6-9 You are Disciplining them on the Lord's behalf. Questions about discipline. Discipline is hard work (love)! Don’t lose heart. But I love my child too much to spank him/her. Humiliation and ridicule. Pr. Is there a legitimate place for rewards for obedience? Eph. b. Are there times when other forms of discipline should be used? Ex. e. 6:4-6 b. by Lou Priolo) 1. Refusal to listen. 19:18 I Sam. Unrealistic demands and expectations. Overdiscipline I John 5:3 a. c. Behaviorism: Seeking to control behavior without addressing the heart.

Work/school performance. 3. Pray and fast. Pr. Don’t make empty threats and don’t allow yourself to be manipulated! D. 4. Matt. Pr. 5:3 c. a.3 4:23 6:21 11:20 14:14 19:3 28:26 1:7 Mark 7:21f 6. favoritism. Treatment of siblings. lack of marital harmony. Never give up! 99 . 2. movies. etc. comparison. 1. Recognize the sin of your child for what it is. Make it clear that your love is unconditional. 5:44-45 I John 4:19 2. 23:13-14 19:18 5. 22:15 2:2. Find ways you can show love to your kids without compromising your standards. 13:14 Eph. 1. Be prepared to face the reality that your child may not be a believer. 2:13 7:9 I Thess. 15:33 k. computer (internet/games). It may be wise to have your child examined by a physician to see if there are physiological elements which are complicating the situation. Appeal to your child on a heart level. 6:7 j. 10:24-25 e. Define and enforce consequences. 17:21 Mark 9:29 B. selfishness. Pr. 7:1f 5:23-24 2. Dress code. 23:29-35 20:1 Eph. 5. 2. Pr. Both parents must be of one mind. 5:8 Rom. First deal with yourself. a. Establish clear and reasonable expectations. music. Prov. Curfew. 10:5 Eph. finances. 3:9 Eph. 20:12 d. Pr. Contribution to family: chores. 18:6 12:16 Phil. 22:15a 3. hypocrisy. Watch out for your other children. 5:18 g. Don’t undermine your own efforts. Pr. What should parents do when their children rebel? 19:18 A. 8:1f Heb. Pr. Confess your own sinful failures. 22:5 4. 5:22-33 II Sa. 19:26 20:20 30:17 Ex. Remove bad influences from his life.10 3:1. Pr. 4:28 i. Mount a discipline offensive. 1. 7. 1:10f 13:20 Mt. 1:8 Dt. Substance abuse.4. 5:23-24. Deut. Be ready to forgive. Ge. neglect. 5:7 b. 25:28 Mt. Only God can change a rebellious heart of a child (or a parent). 5:29-30 I Co. Be prepared to do some investigation. Take care of the rest of your family. 2:3-4 f. Pr. Pr. Participation in family activities (including family worship). Manner of listening and speaking to parents. Pr. Be sure you and your spouse are united. Mount a love offensive. Entertainment standards: TV.37 Ps. 15:33 3. 3:21 Mt. 15:4 Col. Pr. Other ways to frustrate and embitter your children: inconsistency. 11:14 15:22 20:18 4. Seek godly counsel. b. 13:24 23:13-14 Col. broken promises. 1. (Not to remain idle). 6:6-11 h. 13:20 14:7 22:24 I Co. Pr. C. 14:28 III. Pr. Pr. Mt. Companions/use of phone. Church involvement.

20:9 A. a. c. If they are still minors.IV. Parents sometimes wrongfully circumvent the criminal consequences of their children’s behavior. Apostates and rebels are no longer executed by the covenant community. Prov. Drastic measures were required to ensure the purity of the covenant community.21 II Co. 5:5 E. New Covenant applications. 5:6 2. 3. 2. b. Beware of two extremes. Protection for those who remain: Pr. 3:11-12 I Co. The Lord may even use this hardship. 19:18 Dt. The magistrate doesn’t always do his job. Concluding applications. Principles which remain. Tolerating and enabling sin. When can they come home? 1. It is possible for a child to be incorrigible (out of control). I Cor. God finally reaches a point at which He deals with Israel this way. d. 5:1f Mt. 21:15 Le. The child must be repentant. 2. Luke 15:17-20 100 . you are legally required to provide food. Mt. 12:18f D. 1. 3:8 7:28 C. We must be prepared to take drastic measures. 1:10f I Co. Luke 15:18. Do this in love. Bring them before the church leaders: excommunication. 4. 7:10-11 Learn the difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow over sin. if necessary. 2. not anger. b. Bring them before the civil leaders: criminal penalties. Both parents and children are responsible. 3. The goals of drastic measures. How you can handle incorrigible kids? Pr. Jer. shelter. 2. b. get a restraining order. (Written contracts) V. 21:18-21 1. Giving up too soon because of personal hurt feelings. 18:17 a. 1. 18:15f 3. like church discipline. anger and bitterness. He/she must be willing to follow the house rules. c. a. There is hope for failed parents and rebellious kids. Rom. 21:18f Ex. Put them out of the house. d. out of control (incorrigible) kids were put to death Pr. to drive your child to his senses. 23:13-16 B. and housing. Pr. Beware of being manipulated and becoming enablers of their sinful lifestyle. 1. A. send them to a disciplined and controlled environment where they will receive food and shelter. Under the Old Covenant. B. however. You may. 19:18 29:1 Dt. Children (minors) are held responsible for their sinful choices. We are to be concerned about the corrupting influence of an incorrigible child upon the church (and the home). After they are legal adults you can kick them out and.

Encourage them to get ready for marriage. 7:9 101 .2:12f III. Pr. I Cor. 2:16-19 c. Pr. The phenomenon of the Twixters. Pr. Pr. Pr. Avoiding debt. 14:23 5. a. Some refuse to let go of their kids. 22:39 Phil. 2. It is the job of parents. Introduction. 1. 6:8 13:11 b. There are legitimate reasons for grown children to remain with their parents. 1:7 3:7-8 Dt. Teach them to put others ahead of themselves. B. Warn them against immorality. 5:8 3. 2:24 3. Pr. Pr. Time Magazine: January 24. they indulge in uncommitted relationships and fornication. Some young people are sinfully postponing the responsibilities of adulthood. Ge. 37:21 e. Sometimes children move home because of other extraordinary circumstances. disabilities. Children may stay at home in order to take care of aged or disabled parents or other family members. 1. Teach them biblical perspectives on manhood and womanhood. Pr. Ex. 2:24 Proverbs 4:3-4 I Corinthians 13:11 The whole book of Proverbs is written to this end. I Cor. The importance of budgeting (planning). establishing his business. Proverbs 1:8 2. A.Helping Families with Twixters (Grown kids who don’t leave home) I. 1. or saving for marriage. They expect others to take care of their financial needs. 6:5-11 24:30-34 26:12-16 12:11 13:11 22:29 10:4-5 28:19 14:23 4. Gen. The blessedness of being generous. II. 21:5 c. Prov. 4. 1:8-9 B. 3:27-28 Dt. 4. Prov. 5:1-23 6:20-35 7:1-27 a. Teach them financial wisdom. Prepare them to pursue a vocation so they can work hard to care for a family. 3:9-10 11:25 19:17 22:9 5. 2:22 C. I Sam. A daughter may choose to stay under the protection of her parents prior to marriage. What can parents do to make their children ready to live as responsible adults? A. They place a high value on relationships and entertainment. Prov. 24:14f Ps. Prov. Pr. 2:24 3. Mt. Parents contribute to this problem.e. 3:10-13 I Tim. Instead marrying and having a family. 2005 B. Pr. 6:5 Mt. They are afraid to take strong steps to deal with their kids. 22:7 6:1-5 Deut. 6:5-11 12:11 28:19 16:26 2. They are financially irresponsible. They fail to establish a career by which they can provide for themselves. 20:12 5. 2:3-4 3. They want adult privileges without taking on adult responsibilities. 31:10f b. 22:37 2. 6:9-10 7:9 II Ti. The prompt payment of financial obligations. Some young adults are not able to take care of themselves: i. 28:44 d. 1. Teach them God’s design for marriage (and sex). They inadvertently finance and enable sinful behavior. The goal of parenting is to make your children ready to live wisely. A son may stay at home while he is completing his education. Teach them to fear God and to live for his glory. The value of saving (postponed gratification). They fail to prepare their children to be on their own. II Th. Why are there so many Twixters? A. 22:7 4. Gen. not schools or churches to train children.

Pr. Moral maturity sufficient to lead as an example of righteousness.The Marks of Manhood. D. Verbal maturity sufficient to communicate and articulate as a man. Do not enable a lifestyle of laziness and sin. You may need to seek their forgiveness for spoiling them. Sometimes that is the only way they will learn. Combat sinful irresponsibility. Physical maturity sufficient to work and protect a family. educational expenses) demand a clear standard of responsibility and performance. Character maturity sufficient to demonstrate courage under fire. 4:28 3. 2. Mt. 23:24-25 17:25 B. Make them pay a price for irresponsibility. 2. 13:1 6:20-23 1:8 Strive to bring them joy. Be willing to kick them out.6. Pr. 5:22f 3. Biblical maturity sufficient to lead at some level in the church. Pr. 1. 29:25 2:12-15 20:1 31:4-5 C. Spiritual maturity sufficient to lead a wife and children. 29:25 13. 1. When is a child ready to leave home? I Cor.7 10:20-21 16:24 12:18 12. V. Prov. Economic maturity sufficient to hold an adult job and handle money. 2. Pr. 15:28. 7. Seek wisdom from your parents. Demand sexual purity. Eph. Pr. Make your expectations clear. A written contract? 3. 6. they must be treated like children. Find other godly mentors who will help you to mature. Do not tolerate substance abuse. Pr. 13:1f 11. Be willing to make tough choices for the good of your children. 9. 2:22 6. 4. Just because you can afford to “help” them doesn’t mean you really would be doing them any good. rather than being self-focused. Teach them to resist temptation. 1. 102 . If they continue to act like children. 4. along with the consequences. Force them to take financial responsibility. C. 2:3-4 10. 1:1 7. Do what you can to show you love them without compromising your standards. 5:13 Ro. Social maturity sufficient to make a contribution to society.e. What can young people do to prepare themselves for adult life? A. 13:11 Al Mohler: From Boy to Man. 5. Ethical maturity sufficient to make responsible decisions. Eph. Relational maturity sufficient to understand and respect others. Sexual maturity sufficient to marry and fulfill God’s purposes. 19:18 B. Don’t allow them to be lazy while living under your roof. What can parents do to help their Twixters grow up? A. 6:6f 5. 4. Pr. Teach them to choose their companions carefully. II Ti. Personal maturity sufficient to be a responsible husband and father. What kind of help should you give your young adults? 1. 4:10-11 IV. Phil. 1:10-19 13:20 22:24-25 23:20 I Corinthians 15:33 Ps. Learn to live for God and others. C. 2. 3. 8. Their return to your home may be one last hope for you to train them. I Pe. Worldview maturity sufficient to understand what is really important. When you do offer help (i.

(KJV. 1 Mt. B. 3. Our nation has a serious heart problem. What is abortion? 1. 4. Abortion is the act by which the life of a baby in the womb (embryo or fetus) is deliberately and artificially terminated. 1973 35 million abortions in 25 years. The infant in the womb is fully human (including sinful). God has placed special protection over human life. for three transgressions for the sons of Ammon and for four I will not revoke its punishment. Ps... 2.. Dt. even from before their birth. 8:4-5 God created man in His own image. 2:16-18 Thus says the LORD. 2. According to the Bible.44. The procedure takes place through a variety of techniques. NIV) III. 21:22-24 a. The sanctity of human life. 103 . The philosophy behind abortion: why merely outlawing abortion will not entirely solve the problem. The same words are used for a child in and outside of the womb. Isa. The medical question: when does life begin? (conception? viability? birth?) 1. 1. 1:27 2:7 Ps. God loves and calls His servants. 9:27 There is no god besides Me. 2. 44:2. 1:15 The Lord called Me from the womb. C. Ex.. 2. choose life! II. 21:4. A tragic anniversary: January 22. Man is uniquely created in God’s image. God judges those who slay or harm the unborn or helpless. 51:5 58:3 Behold I was brought forth in iniquity and in sin my mother conceived me. 11:5 You formed my inward parts. Abortion is the taking of a human life. 32:39 Ps. 4. 1:4-5 20:17 Gal. 6. You did weave me in my mother’s womb. Or premature birth (if harm is done an eye for an eye is required). (see appendix A). 31:15 Heb. in the image of God He created him. The development of the infant in the womb. A. 2. Gen. 31 2:16 18:15 Acts 7:19 (John the Baptist and Jesus) 5. 1.24 49:1-2 Jer. purpose. Evolutionism leaves no basis for determining meaning. Ex. God alone has the right to give and to take life. precious and important to God. God forms the child in his mother’s womb. Because they ripped open the women of Gilead In order to enlarge their borders. 139:13-16 Job 31:15 10:8-12 Ecc. by man his blood shall be shed.Abortion and the Philosophy Behind It I. 8:11-12 15:16 Amos 1:13 Ex. abortion is the unjust taking of a human life (murder). Mankind is treated as a product of evolutionary chance. It is I who put to death and give life. An accidental miscarriage to be fined (manslaughter?)? (NAS) b. It is widely recognized that human life begins at conception and continues until death. 1. For in the image of God He made man. Ps. Naturalistic atheistic evolutionism which denies the sanctity of human life. What should those who are unsure do? When in doubt.Menahem struck Tiphsah and he ripped up all its women who were with child. 20:13 Whoever sheds man’s blood. II Kn. B. 3. and truth. 3.41-42. 9:5-6 Ex. Those who caused harm to an unborn child were to be punished.22 Luke 1:15. Introduction A. A. The unborn child is a human life. Gen. male and female he created them.

a. 3. Cases of rape or incest. 127:3 3. and pride. Doesn’t a woman have a right to control her own body? 1. A rejection of God’s design for the family. for by what a man is overcome. animal rights. 3. The Hippocratic oath: I will give no deadly medication to anyone. children’s rights. Judges 21:25 Child abuse. 3. 1. The deterioration of the medical profession. Another person’s body is also involved. If the right to life is not secure. 2:16-18 Ps. Immoral sexual activity outside of marriage. 3:19 Js. Euthanasia. Ethical and legal confusion (schizophrenia). buy this he is enslaved. 5. and inconvenient C. Abortion robs someone else of a lifetime of choices. Infanticide. Most abortions are done for personal convenience. Arguments from the standpoint of the woman’s welfare. Children seen as an unwanted burden. 4. This humanistic philosophy has much broader implications (moral chaos). 2. Every child is a wanted child. These problems haven’t been solved. 3. The destruction of the family. parental rights. b. Judges 21:25 Self -deification 1. 2. 106:34-39 Lev. Birth defects. 2:18-19 They entice by fleshly desires. The fetus is completely dependent upon the mother. Genetic experimentation (and cloning). II Pet. b. IV. Answers to objections. 4:11 John 9:3 Rom. no suggest any such counsel: Furthermore. Selfishness. so you commit murder. Phil. Judges 21:25 Everyone did what was right in his own eyes. Rights of privacy and the freedom to use one’s body are limited. Rejection of moral absolutes from God. Playing God: determining who has a life worthy of living. Human autonomy. What if the baby will not have a sufficient quality of life? 1.. 104 . a. Matt. all other human rights are at risk. Sacrificing our sons and daughters to the idols of materialism. God makes us what we are and He alone has the right to give and take life! Ex.. 2. Playing God with human life. 3. if asked. Rom. 1. 2. dependent. One heinous act does not justify another. “Who has made a man’s mouth? OR who makes him dumb or deaf. 4:1-2 You lust and do not have. There are other solutions. Lev. 20:1-5. child abuse and a bad home life. Economic or emotional hardship on the mother. 19:14 4. So called sexual and reproductive freedom leads to slavery. D. Harvesting fetal material. 4. 4. A. the LORD? B. Hedonism.B. or seeing or blind? Is it not I. Ps. pleasure. 1:26-27 4. promising them freedom while they themselves are slaves of corruption. 8:28 The LORD said to Moses. Poverty. May we also exterminate other members of society who are weak. convenience. 1. She can control her body sexually so as not to become pregnant! 2. I will not give to a woman an instrument to produce an abortion. C. 2. Explioting human life.

even to murderers. When is civil disobedience authorized? Acts 5:27-32 Exodus 1:16-17 C. B. All morality is legislation. 3. that life must be saved. b. There are methods of birth control which prevent conception. Crisis pregnancy centers. Risk to the physical health of the mother. but this does not justify making them legal. Rom.. God will bring justice to the guilty in due time. It is very rare to have to make a choice between mother and child. 13:1-7 4. The government has a duty to protect life (prevent murder or punish murderers). I Cor. 2. Warn expectant mothers. Gen. Hard choices must be made from the principle that the child is a human being. If only one life can be saved. 5:20-21 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil. 5. D. This argument has led to the atrocity of forced abortions in some countries. Concluding applications. 4. 4. Are men interfering? 5. 10:3-5 1. This is a women’s issue. A. Don’t we need to control the population? 1. and Emotional 6. 3. Wouldn’t abortions occur anyway and in unhealthy conditions? a. Different believers have different gifts and callings. 2. Which church will you join? 4. Isn’t this legislating morality? 1. 127 3. Abortion actually causes harm to the mother. Isa. a. b. 1. 1. Which doctors will you patronize? AMA 1871: “These men should be marked as Cain was marked. Children are a blessing from God. V. To which charities will you give? B. Adoption. God offers forgiveness. rapes & robberies still occur. For whom will you vote? 5. 1:18 Ps. The abortionists have legislated immorality. 1:27-29 2. Personal choices. Informational picketing. Ps.. Political involvement? 2. Spiritual. The only hope for our nation is spiritual revival! C. they should be made the outcasts of society”.4. 2. Activism. Physical. All abortions are unhealthy (fatal) for one person. E. Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness. VI. II Cor. 31:8 A. 3. 6:9-11 I Jn. 1:7-2:2 Isa. 31:8-9 24:11-12 3. Choices in your family. The world God has made is incredibly productive. Persuasion: we wage war. Do we have a responsibility to forcibly stop abortion? Pr. 51:12-13 105 . Murders. stigma upon abortionists. not according to the flesh. What should we do? Pr.

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Ps. Rather than valuing all human life. I wouldn’t want to live like that. even to avoid suffering. 7:12 2. 107 . Those who are depressed may make rash. Ecc. There are also many practical problems with giving people the right to die (and kill). 1. 32:6 5. 1:27 Dt. 8:4-5 Gen. The rejection of the sanctity of human life puts us all at risk. 4:16-18 B. God especially cares for those who are weak and helpless. Deut. What is the difference between sustaining life and prolonging death? Isa. 3:5-6 II Co. claiming some life is not worth living. Those who are dying should be kept as comfortable as possible. Will you stand up for the sanctity of human life? A. 12:7f Mt. Ps. 3. which is sacred because we are created in His image. 31:3-6 II Sa. 10:13 9. 9:27 3. 31:6-7 7. I Cor. 2. 2:8 1. 5:2 4.A Matter of Life and Death I. say. D. 19:14 5. Base your decisions upon the Word of God. The acceptance of the practice of abortion has led to euthanasia. Judges 21:25 Col. Ex. God is sovereign over human life. 2. 1:9-17 17:23 I Ki. He will help you. 1 4. 9:54-57 I Sa.17 35:29 49:33 Mk. When is someone dead? Gen. A time may come when you won’t be allowed to choose to receive certain care. There are “choices” and “rights” which belong to God alone. 32:39 Ps. Rom. 6:19-20 7. III. 1:27 2:7 1. 5. 27:5 Jud. You may have to make some tough healthcare decisions for yourself and others. 8:18 II Cor. Mt. 14:29 Is. 1. Suffering and death are the result of the Fall. 20:13 6. We will have to make difficult decisions based upon incomplete information. Seek godly counsel when facing difficult decisions. in their view. Only God is all knowing. 2. The helpless among us are in grave danger when we use quality of life as the criteria for which people we will value and protect: elderly. when healthy. 16:15-19 Acts 1:18 I Co. Many seek the right to make life and death decisions for others. “Hopeless” cases sometimes experience recovery. Prov. 5:12 I Cor. Which is more important: The sanctity of life or the quality of life? A. err on the side of life. 1. may change their minds when faced with the choice between a hard life or no life at all. 31:15 Heb. 15:17 4. Those who say they would rather die than to continue living in a state of pain or disability may have no idea of what their state will be after death. 9:5-6 Ezek. 29:20 3. Introduction: Do those who are suffering have the right to die? II. unwanted. People in our day are playing God and killing those who. We don’t have the right to unjustly take the lives of others. Gen. God places special protection over human life. 1:17 Lev. 15:22 8. God alone has the right to give and take life. Those who. 3. Nor do we have a right to take our own lives. Pr. Doctors are sometimes wrong. disabled. If you are unsure. 15:26 2. unwise decisions. 6:17 25:8. C. the secular elite have redefined the issue as quality of life. Differentiate between medical (scientific) issues and ethical (spiritual) issues. Prov. 31:8-9 Js. Must all possible care be given under every circumstance? 6. God sometimes allows suffering for His good purpose. Ro. 72:12-14 146:9 139:13-16 Pr. 4. Pr. Some demand the right to choose to die. 22:1f Hab. don’t have sufficient quality of life.

if you are incapacitated. Your body awaits the resurrection at Christ’s return. Will you remain faithful to your marriage vows. Are you prepared to die? a. Your last breath in this world is not the end of your existence. Heb. C. 3. 21:5 1. or crying. 5:12 Heb. 5:12 3:23 6:23 b. How will you respond if God gives you a baby (or grandchild) with birth defects? 4. Rev. What happens to a Christian when he (she) dies? Phil. 5:8 Luke 23:43 1. 71:9 2. in sickness and in health. Ezek. 90:12 Rom. for better or for worse. Advance Directive for Health Care by the Christian Medical & Dental Association 4. 16:31 Ps. Do what you can to promote the sanctity of human life. Give written authority to someone whom you trust to make medical decisions for you. or pain. Carefully evaluate any advice you may receive from the medical profession. 4:13f 3. 1:21 II Cor. 3:1-2 1. until death parts us even if it involves sacrifice? Ro. Concluding applications. Have you prepared those you will leave behind for your dying and death? Mt. Be very wary about signing documents which could empower a doctor or a court to wrongfully terminate your life by withholding care.55f B. the first things have passed away. Prov. 9:27 Ecc. 108 . pain and death. Prov. Will you honor all human life? Lev. 2. even if their needs are great? Exodus 20:12 Pr. 7:12 Pr. Jesus takes away the sting of death for all who believe in Him. Are you prepared to face the dying and death of those whom you love? 2. 2:24 3. Are you willing to share the burden with your brothers and sisters who care for disabled family members? Luke 10:25-37 D.. 22 Hab. Prepare in advance for difficult healthcare decisions. 9:27 Ps. 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. 7:2-3 Ge. 15:22. there will no longer be any mourning.. Formulate your wishes biblically and communicate them to your loved ones. I Co. 19:14 1. Pray for our nation which is embracing a culture of death. A. Will you care for your parents in their old age. Are you prepared to face the inescapable realities of dying and death? Rom.B. In that day there will be no more suffering. 15:51f I Th. After death comes judgment. 31:8-9 IV. 21:5 3. and there will no longer be any death. I Cor. and inviting Divine judgment. 1:2 E. 2. Your soul is immediately in the presence of Christ.

Part III: Counseling Helps for the Biblical Counselor .

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Quick Scripture Reference Guide for Counseling. B. Joshua Harris. The Exemplary Husband. A Homework Manual for Biblical Living (Volumes 1-3). The Art of Choosing Your Love. Jay Adams. 1. Come Back Barbara. Jay Adams. II. Family. 5. Elyse Fitzpatrick. 2. and Remarriage in the Bible. Doug Wilson. Wayne Mack (workbook). Elyse Fitzpatrick). 3. 5. Miller (wayward children). Introduction to Biblical Counseling. 6. 2. A. Child Training Tips. G. Wayne Mack. Christian Courtship versus the Dating Game. John MacArthur and Wayne Mack. E. F. Stuart Scott. Lou Priolo. A Theology of Christian Counseling. Marriage. 1. Jay Adams. Needham and Pryde. Jim Newheiser. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Jim West. Age of Opportunity. Jerry Marcellino. 1. 6. Husband. Christian Counselors Manual. Reb Bradley. Solving Marriage Problems. Jay Adams. Her Hand in Marriage. Counseling theory and practice. General Family. 7. E. 3. Future Men. Bruce Ray. Helper by Design. Ken Sande . Divorce. Wife. What Do You Do When You’re Abused by Your Husband. When Good Kids Make Bad Choices. Shepherding a Child’s Heart. Jay Adams. Ted Tripp. C. 4. The Excellent Wife. Paul Tripp (teens). Lou Priolo. 5. Lou Priolo. 7. Wayne Mack (communication) 6. Doug Wilson. 8. 3. D. and Laura Hendrickson. Competent to Counsel. 1. C. The Heart of Anger. Kruis. Strengthening Your Marriage. 2. Martha Peace.Some of My Favorite Counseling Resources I. Child raising. Passion and Purity. Jay Adams. 7. 3. Elizabeth Elliot. 4. Singles and pre-marriage. Jay Adams. Peacemaking for Families. D. 2. 1. 111 . Helps for Counselors: A mini-manual for Christian counseling. B. 4. Wayne Mack (workbook). Reforming Marriage. 8. Losing that Loving Feeling. 2. A. Your Family God’s Way. Preparing for Your Marriage God’s Way. Christian Living in the Home. Withhold not Correction. Jim West. Rediscovering the Lost Treasure of Family Worship. The Complete Husband. Doug Wilson.

Anger. including pornography). B. Anger. Depression. Priorities. 3. Marriage. Lost in the Middle: Mid Life and the Grace of God. Paul Tripp. Godliness Through Discipline. The Peacemaker. Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Its Cure. 7. Teens and Sex. Addictions. The Christian Counselor’s Medical Desk Reference. Arterburn and Stoeker. but valuable because it explains the woman’s perspective when her husband is immoral). Other. but not Out: How to get Up When Life Knocks You Down. 4. etc. Ken Sande (biblical conflict resolution by a man who is to lawyers what Jay Adams is to psychologists. 3. C. Jay Adams: 1. etc. Booklets: Christ and Your Problems. War of Words. Blame it on the Brain.III. The Fear Factor. 2. CCEF Booklets: Resources for Changing Lives: Marriage. V. Peacemaker tracts and bookmarks. Stop Dating the Church. 1. Handouts/Assignments: Faith Baptist Counseling Ministries. VI. Elyse Fitzpatrick. Addictions. by Ed Welch (fear of man). An Affair of the Mind. 6. by Ed Welch (mind-body questions: ADD. by Ed Welch. Counseling the Sexual Addict. Playfair (drunkenness). 2. B. Elyse Fitzpatrick. Jay Adams. 6. Down. God’s Solutions to Life’s Problems. 2. Tracts: Worry. 5. Fear. Tapes/CDs/MP3s (especially valuable for those who won’t read a book). Other issues. a Banquet in the Grave. 112 . 2. 2. Repentance and the Twentieth Century Man. 5. At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry. Alzheimer’s. Shorter booklets and tracts. Fear. 2. Forgiveness. 4. A. Desires. depression. Paul Tripp.). IV. The church. Elyse Fitzpatrick. Fidelity. A. Wayne Mack and Dave Suavely. Love to Eat Hate to Eat. 1. Worry and Anxiety. Doug Wilson (sexual problems. Every Man’s Battle. Women Helping Women. Miller. Wayne Mack. Not Even a Hint. 11. C. Laurie Hall (psychological in many respects. D. Depression. He also has materials for children. 10. Pornography. 8. 9. Substance Abuse. Steve Gallagher. Life in the Father’s House. 12. Joshua Harris. 1. Steve Gallagher. E. When People are Big and God is Small. 1. Domestic Abuse. Martyn Lloyd-Jones. Newheiser. Lust. 1. Joshua Harris. The Useful Lie. Wayne Mack. From Forgiven to Forgiving. 13. Overcoming Fear. Wayne and Joshua Mack. Robert Smith. Priolo.

Flee lust. First address your own sin. Apply the gospel specifically to every problem. 3:16-17 B. you may not succeed. Phil. 1. Mt. 5:43-48 D. Pr. A gentle answer turns away wrath. Anger is murder. An angry person is dangerous. Confront your erring brother in love. 4:29 3. James 3:6f 2. Gen. Communication. Heb. 1:19-20 4. Rom. II Tim. Lust in the heart is adultery. Eph. Joseph trusted God and thereby forgave his abusers. Use your words to build up. Phil. 1. Listen carefully and listen to both sides.17 3. Mt. 5:21-22 2. Don’t always say whatever is on your mind. Genesis 39:7-10 G. 1. Christians should not sue other Christians in secular courts. 1. depression. Don’t take your own revenge. Focus on understanding the other person rather than upon being understood. Js. James 4:1-6 3. 18:13. The tongue is a fire. Mt. 25:28 C. Bitterness is destructive. Joseph’s example. 5:9 2. 4:8-9 (also applies to fear. Gal. General principles: A. Conflict resolution. Prov. The cause of conflict is sinful desire. 7:3-5 4.) 113 . Pursue peace. I Cor. 6:1-2 5. Mt. Phil. II Tim. not tear down. etc. 50:18 E. Resisting temptation. 1. John 15:5 II.(Approximately) 100 “Go to” Texts for Biblical Counseling I. 15:1 F. Prov. Anger. A. You and your counselee are totally dependent upon God for success. 4:12 C. 2:3-4 5. Lust. The Bible is infallible and sufficient for counseling. Mt. You are responsible for what you think about. God’s promise: you won’t be tempted beyond what you are able. 12:19-21 2. Revenge. Mt. Rom. 6:1f 7. Be slow to speak and quick to listen. Even if you do all you can to seek resolution. Be prepared to follow the steps of church discipline. worry. Helping people who have been hurt by others (abused). 5:27-30 2. 1. I Cor. 12:15 2. 1. 2:22 3. Trust God to do what is right. 10:13 2. Show love to your enemy. Addressing various counseling problems. 18:15-20 6. 12:19 B.

From those you have wronged. God sovereignly works all things together for good. I Jo. Assurance of salvation. I John 1:8-10 2. Phil. but an increase in your faith. Jer. 1. Prov. 1. Presenting the gospel. 17:5-8 I. 1. 29:25 2. We are saved not by keeping the law. 3:4 3. II Ti. God uses trials in your sanctification. 8:31-39 M. Repentance. I Jo. Confess your sins. Depression 1. Are you depressed because of your sin? Ps. The thief on the cross as an example of salvation by grace. The substitution of the Lamb of God for sinners. He keeps you safe. How can you tell if repentance is genuine? II Cor. Rom. 2:8-9 Q. Granting forgiveness. 4:6-7 J. Addictions. Seeking forgiveness. you have not been born of God. 6:25-34 2. 4:8-9 114 . Jer. If you are one of Christ’s sheep. 1. If you truly believe in the Lord Jesus. you have been born of God. 3:20-26 2. The fear of man brings a snare. Worry. Mt. Isa. 23:29-35 4. An example of true repentance. Luke 23:39-43 5. but by Christ’s atoning death. Facing trials and calamity. I Jo. Mt. John 10:28-29 3. 55:1-2 2. Substance abuse is sinful and destructive. Isa. 2:3-4 4. I John 1:8-2:2 3. Forgive as you have been forgiven. 1. 5:1 2. The root problem is that some love pleasure more than they love God. 53:4-6 4. Phil. We are saved by grace alone through faith alone. The story of the unmerciful servant. 8:28 2. 1. Mt. Psalm 51 P. Trusting in people is idolatry and will ruin you. The key to overcoming depression is not a change in your circumstances. 1. Trust God to meet your needs. 4:32 2. 1. 4:11-13 K. “Co-dependents” makes the addict their idol. 7:9-11 2. Eph. 17:5-8 L. 5:23-24 N. 18:21-35 O. Prov. Ro. Eph. Fear. If you have no love for the brethren. If you have no regard for God’s commandments you are still lost. James 1:2f 3. Rom. 1. Nothing can separate you from God’s love in Christ. Pray with thanksgiving. Addiction is seeking from some idol what God alone gives.H. From God. 32 2.

1:6 5. Regular attendance is mandatory. 4:22-24 7. I Pet. Decision Making/Knowing God’s will. 22:17-21 V. 3:10 4. Work and employment. Eph. 2. God wants you to commit (join). Mt. The believer is a new person with a new nature. I Cor. Pr. Pay your taxes. Lying destroys relationships. making yourself accountable to particular church leaders. If someone refuses to work. Titus 2:14 S. Mt. 6:19-21 6. Christ saved us that we might do good works. 16:9 6. Acknowledge God’s sovereignty over your finances. but store up treasure in heaven. 6:6-11 3. Heb. Integrity. 15:22 4. 10:25 2. God will work to sanctify you. Ex. Prov. Prov. 6:9-11 2. Prov. Trust God. Wholeheartedly seek wisdom from God. 3:9 9. 4:25 115 . Finances. 13:17 3. I Tim. 1. 4:13-17 3. 2:12-13 6. 3:5-6 W. 5:37 2. Eph. Church involvement. James 1:5 (Also see Proverbs 1-9). II Thess. Mt. 6:10 7. Phil. 22:7 5. Be generous with those in need. I Tim. 20:9 2. Prov. Serve God through your vocation. Deut. Don’t make an idol of money. Consider your old nature dead and your new nature alive in Christ. Js. Each of us is to give as God has prospered us. 4:10-11 4. God’s design is that you work six days a week. 29:29 5. Seek godly counsel. Planning (budgeting) is wise. Avoid debt. Heb. Prov. 21:5 2. The converted sinner is no longer to be labeled by his old deeds. I Cor. 5:17 4. 6:5-9 U. he should not eat. 6:11 3. 1. that his way is best. Giving to the Lord’s work should be the first item in your budget. God gives you the ability to earn. Submit your plans to God’s sovereign will. II Tim. You can’t know God’s secret will. 1. Phil. Don’t be a sluggard. Learn and apply the put off and put on dynamic. Rom. Search for God’s moral will in the Bible. Simply tell the truth. Prov. Each of us is to serve. II Cor. Eph. 3:16-17 3.R. 8:18 4. Deut. 6:17-19 8. 16:2 T. 1. You are responsible to put forth effort in your sanctification. The love of money leads to every other evil behavior. Sanctification. 1. 1.

I Cor. 1. 2:24 B. The duties of parents. 1. Serving. 1. Mt. let no man separate. 6:4 3. Prov. God’s directive for marriage. 1. 2:24) 2. Mt. 1. 6:1-3 2. 1. Eph. Loving. 7:15 5. John 13:1f C. Gen. Don’t deprive him/her. Mal. 2:16 2. I Cor. A. God’s design for marriage. 13:4 (also see Gen. 1:28 3. God hates divorce. 7:3-5 4. What God has joined. Family issues. Understanding. Marriage is divinely instituted. 7:12 116 . Eph. God wants married people to enjoy sex. The role of the wife. I Cor. The role of the husband. I Pet. 19:5-6 3. Dealing with an unsaved husband. 2:18-23 2. Your sexuality belongs to your spouse. Adultery is a ground for divorce (the other person broke the covenant). Prov. Abandonment by an unbeliever is a ground for divorce. Heb. Child training.III. Gen. 19:9 4. Gen. Eph. Eph. Submission. 5:25-30 2. Divorce. 5:22-24 2. The necessity of discipline. 5:18-19 (also Song of Solomon) E. All sex outside of marriage is wrong. God wants us to be fruitful (have kids). I Pet. Don’t leave your unbelieving spouse or drive him/her away. 3:7 3. The duties of children. 19:18 F. Sex. 3:1-6 (see context 2:21-25) D.

10. Service e. 12. 3. Do Code of Conduct for children. Date: Initials: 5. discussion. Write personal essay (childhood. Worship c. 8. 6.Homework Assignments Name: 1. 16. 11. memorize. Bring spouse next time. Review Gospel facts. 7. and apply passage: Complete Discovering Problem Patterns log. 14. prayer) Conference table (follow attached instructions) a. e. 15. Review day together. Complete scheduling lists. 4. Personal devotions (ACTS. Teaching d. Church life a. study) Family devotions (reading. Accountability b. Do Put Off/Put On exercise. Bring elder/pastor next time. prayer. testimony). Work on Strengthening Your Marriage (Mack). b. 13. Joint prayer. Fellowship Ask forgiveness from: for: Review pamphlet on: Read. Other: 117 . 2. courtship. d. c. Read Bible together (Ephesians 4:17-32). Add to “log list”. 9.

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I’m not much of a reader. e. Few drive without a radio or a cassette playing. by Jim Newheiser How often has a counselee begun a session by saying. A benefit of using your own tapes is that you are thoroughly familiar with their content Also. One is able to retain what he reads while another best remembers what he has heard. While there are certainly benefits to teaching a counselee to be self disciplined and to appreciate great books. and Remarriage. Here in Southern California most people spend a large percentage of their time on the road. The Benefits of Using Cassette Tapes: 1. Most of the tapes are from my preaching ministry in our local church. In my “counseling box” I carry approximately 100 tapes on various topics and texts. Tapes Save Time in Counseling Sessions.The Use of Cassette Tapes in Counseling. Divorce. We have noticed that each of our sons has a different way of understanding material. Many counselees who do not have the discipline to sit down and read a book (or even a pamphlet) are quite happy to listen to a tape. Finally. Our family has home schooled for the past nine years. 119 . I have found a much higher percentage of listening assignments get done. Many of your counselees will be auditory learners.” As our TV/Video/Internet generation becomes less and less literate. For example. these may not be the fundamental issues to be addressed. Build a Library of Tapes Which Deal with the Most Common Counseling Problems. it is also of great benefit to collect tapes from eminently gifted preachers and counselors to deal with particular subjects. than listening to three more hours of Rush Limbaugh! 2. I Peter 2:18-25 Serving God in the Work Place. Of course. When I run out of certain tapes. How to Get Started Using Cassette Tapes: 1. this may help motivate you to address issues that would benefit many members in your congregation I found that preaching through the Sermon on the Mount was tremendously beneficial for building up my library of counseling tapes. such as homemakers and those who do manual labor. b. Tapes Get Used. I have lent out Wayne Mack’s tapes on “Rebuilding a Marriage After an Affair”1 several times. are able to listen while they work. Matthew 5:21-26 Who is a Murderer? Dealing with the sin of Anger. as opposed to reading assignments. In my counseling ministry. d. Matthew 5:31-32 Who is an Adulterer (II)? Marriage. you address the issue in the sermon in much the same way that you would in a private counseling session. I simply ask our tape ministry to replenish my supply. You see. but didn’t have time this week. Biblical counseling involves the same kind of instruction from the Word as preaching. counselors will be hearing more of this excuse. Once a tape gets into their car.1993 (CCEF WEST). 3. Others. 1 From Summer Institute of Biblical Counseling . “I’m really sorry that I didn’t read my homework assignment Pastor. using your own tapes is less expensive than using tapes from other ministries (no copyright or royalty issues to worry about). c. Better to hear the Word proclaimed. Some of the tapes I most often use include: a. Tapes Benefit People with Particular Learning Styles. I Peter 3:1-7 How to Change Your Husband. I have found cassette tapes to be very effective homework assignments. I have found that some counselees will listen to the same message again and again. If you haven’t preached on some common counseling subjects. Then the session can be spent applying what he has heard to his particular situation and answering questions he may have. Available from Five Star Conference Recording 1-800-350-TAPE. I really meant to. Most pastors and counselors are avid readers and may tend to overestimate what others can handle. Your limited time with the counselee can be used more effectively if on his own time he can listen to a tape containing your best instruction in a particular area. Matthew 5:27-30 Who is an Adulterer (I)? Dealing with the sin of Lust.

m. o. s. h. Decision Making and the Will of God. the “Tape Listening Assignment Questionnaire” could be given from Wayne Mack’s A Homework Manual for Biblical Counseling (Page 173).f. g. I usually pass out study outlines along with the tapes. Homework must be given so that the counselor can ensure that the purpose for the achievement has been achieved. they can be a tremendous supplement. 120 . p. Conclusion: While cassette tapes are not a substitute for face to face counseling or being under the ministry of the Word. Matthew 5:33-37 Who is a Liar? Matthew 5:38-42 Are You an Avenger? Dealing with “rights” and revenge. n. It is not enough merely to get a counselee to listen to a tape. r. try giving them some tapes to see if the Lord might use this means to apply His powerful and sufficient Word to their needs. 2. q. Prepare Homework Assignments to Go Along with the Tapes. Financial Freedom. u. i. Ephesians 5:25-33 The Submission of the Christian Husband. t. Matthew 6:19-24 You Can’t Have it Both Ways. Family Worship. Be Holy! Matthew 7:21-27 Is Your Faith Real? Ephesians 5:22-24 The Glorious Submission of the Godly Wife. At a minimum. k. Ephesians 6:1-3 The Duties of Children Ephesians 6:4 The Duties of Parents Psalm 51 Confess Your Sins Proverbs 31 A Portrait of the Virtuous Woman Christian Courtship. Various Evangelistic Messages. l. j. In addition I am working at preparing a printed list of questions to go with each tape. Matthew 6:25-34 Don’t Worry. Before you give up on counselees who don’t do their reading assignments.

please sign below. Not Professional Advice . Therefore. please speak with a pastor or elder. Our counselors are not trained or licensed as psychotherapists or mental health professionals. financial. we welcome the opportunity to minister to you in the name of Christ and to be used by Him as He helps you to grow in spiritual maturity and prepares you for usefulness in His body. Resolution of conflicts with the counselor: Arbitration .If you have significant legal. When observers sit in on counseling sessions to assist the counselor or for training purposes. Confidentiality . There are situations. however. 2. Biblical Basis . Having clarified the principles and policies of our counseling ministry.Our goal in providing Christian counseling is to help you meet the challenges of life in a way that will please and honor the Lord Jesus Christ and that you will find joy in following His will for your life. Counselees may make a donation. When abuse or another crime must be reported to the authorities. When there is concern that someone may be harmed unless others intervene. medical or other technical questions you should seek advice from an independent professional. The arbiters will be the Elders of Grace Bible Church. our counseling is based upon scriptural principles rather than those of secular psychology or psychiatry. in which it may be necessary for us to share certain information with others such as: 1. 3. and if necessary legally binding arbitration in accordance with the Rules of Procedure of the Institute for Christian Conciliation. It is expressly understood that by agreeing in advance to arbitrate that the counselee is giving up his right to a trial in the civil courts.On rare occasions a conflict may develop between a counselor and a counselee.Consent to Counseling: Grace Bible Church Our Goal . All counseling is done free of charge as a ministry of Grace Bible Church. Nor should they be expected to follow the methods of such specialists. we require all our counselees to agree that any dispute which arises with a counselor or with this church will be settled by mediation. Our counselors will cooperate with such advisors and help you to consider their counsel in light of scriptural principles. 1:3). I Corinthians 6:1-8 forbids Christians from bringing lawsuits against each other in secular courts of law In order to ensure that any such conflicts will be resolved in a biblically faithful manner. If these guidelines are acceptable to you. If the Elders of Grace Bible Church are a party in the dispute then three arbiters will be selected from among Elders from churches in the Fellowship of Independent Reformed Evangelicals with each party in the dispute choosing one arbiter and the two arbiters selecting the third. If you have any questions about these guidelines. When a counselor is uncertain how to address a particular problem and needs to seek advice from another pastor or counselor.We believe that the Bible provides thorough guidance and instruction for faith and life (II Timothy 3:16-17 II Pet. 5. When a person refuses to renounce a particular sin and it becomes necessary to seek the assistance of others in the church to encourage repentance and reconciliation (Proverbs 15:22 24:11 Matthew 18:15-20).Confidentiality is an important aspect of the counseling process and we will carefully guard the information you entrust to us. 4. but this is not expected or required. Signed Date 121 .

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Personal Data Inventory1 IDENTIFICATION DATA: Name: ___________________________________Phone: ____________________________ Address:________________________________________________________________ Occupation:_______________________ Business Phone________________ Sex:____ Birth Date: __________Age____Separated__Divorced__Widowed______ Education: (last year completed)____Other training:______________ _________________________________________________________________ Referred here by:__________________Address:________________________ HEALTH INFORMATION: Rate your health: Very Good___ Good___ Average___Declining___Other___ Your approximate weight:___lbs. Recent weight changes: Lost___lbs., Gained___lbs. List all important, present, or past, injuries or handicaps:_________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ Date of last Medical Examination: _______________________Report:_______________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ Your Physician: __________________________Address: ___________________________________ Are you currently taking medication? Yes__No__ If so, What?______________________________ Have you used drugs for other than medical purposes? Yes ___No__ Which drugs? _______________________________________________________________________ Have you ever had a severe emotional upset? Yes__No__Explain: ___________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ Have you ever been arrested? Yes__No__ Explain: _______________________________________ Are you willing to sign a release of information form so that your counselor may write for social, psychiatric, or medical reports? Yes__No__ RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND: Denominational preference:________Church_________Member: Yes__No__ Church Attendance per month (circle): 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10+ Church Attended in childhood__________Were you baptized? Yes__No__ Religious background of spouse (if married)______________________ Do you consider yourself a religious person? Yes__No__Uncertain___ Do you believe in God? Yes___No___Uncertain___ Do you pray to God? Never___Occasionally___Often___ Are you saved? Yes___No___Not sure what you mean___ How frequently do you read the Bible? Never__Occasionally__Often__ Do you have regular family devotions? Yes___No___ Explain recent changes in your religious life, if any: ________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ PERSONALITY INFORMATION: Have you ever had psychotherapy or counseling before? Yes__No__ If yes, list counselor and dates:__________________________________________________ What was the outcome?________________________________________________________
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Adapted from Personal Data Inventory 2. Available from www.mackministries.org.

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CIRCLE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS WHICH BEST DESCRIBE YOU NOW: active ambitious self-confident persistent nervous hardworking impatient impulsive moody often-blue excitable imaginative calm serious easy-going shy good-natured introvert extrovert likeable leader quiet hard-boiled submissive self-conscious lonely sensitive other:_____________________________________________________ Have you ever felt people watching you? Yes____No____ Do people's faces ever seem distorted? Yes___No___ Do you ever have difficulty distinguishing faces? Yes___No___ Do colors ever seem too bright? Yes___No___ Are you sometimes unable to judge distance? Yes____No___ Have you ever had hallucinations? Yes___No___ Are you afraid of being in a car? Yes___No____ Is your hearing exceptionally good? Yes ___No___ Do you have problems sleeping? Yes ___No___ MARRIAGE AND FAMILY INFORMATION: Name of spouse:________________________Address: Phone:_________________Occupation:_____________________Business Phone______________ Spouse's Age:_____Education (yrs.)_____Religion:_________________ Is spouse willing to come for counseling? Yes___No___Uncertain___ Have you ever been separated? Yes__No__When? from_______to_______ Have either of you ever filed for divorce? Yes__No__When?________ Date of marriage:____________Ages when married: Husband_______Wife_____ How long did you know your spouse before marriage?_______________ Length of steady dating with spouse____Length of engagement________________ Give brief information about any previous marriages: ____________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ Information about children: PM* (check) Name Age Sex (M/F) Living (Y/N) Education (in yrs) Marital Status

*Check PM column if child is by previous marriage If you were reared by anyone other than your own parents, explain:____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________ How many older brothers______sisters______do you have? How many younger brothers_____sisters_____do you have? 124

PLEASE ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

1. What is the main problem as you see it? (what brings you here)

2. What have you done about it?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. What do you want us to do about it?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

4. As you see yourself, what kind of person are you? (describe yourself)

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

5. Is there any other information we should know?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

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If your case ends early. Supper Seminar: We will meet to discuss the counseling cases you observed (usually the previous week’s sessions). Submit brief reaction paper regarding learning about God. 2. You should call her on Mondays to confirm the time of your case. Up to two students (or one student plus spouse) may observe each case. Care should be exercised to preserve the confidentiality of the counselees (using first names only). homework assigned. self. 127 . After the cases have been discussed there will be opportunities to ask the counselors any questions you may have about counseling or pastoral ministry. however. Requirements: 1. Cases typically last 8-12 weeks. 3. Submit Observer’s Organizer upon reporting your case (weekly). Maintain a weekly journal of experiences.e. You will be expected to sit quietly. 5. It usually takes 10-15 minutes to discuss each case. and counseling through the course (at the end of the course). open or close in prayer). Submit a brief statement of purpose at the first supper seminar. you will be given another case.Counseling Observation Class Schedule: Supper Seminar 4:30-6:00 PM. Escondido Counseling Sessions: Bonnie (the secretary) will assign a case for you to observe from beginning to end. Mondays: Location: New Life Presbyterian Church. Attendance at every session is mandatory. Counseling Sessions per individual schedule. conclusions and reactions. 4. You should take notes (using the observation form) recording the flow of the session. some counselees only come for one or two sessions. you will be expected to pray for the counselee(s) throughout the week. unless called upon by the counselor to make a contribution (i. and any questions or suggestions you may have for the counselor. Also.

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2. 129 . 2. Homework Assigned: 1. 4. Questions for the Counselor: 1. 5. 3. 2. 3. Projections and their Basis 1. 2. 5.Observer’s Organizer Observer __________________________________________ Case # _________________________ Counselor __________________________________________ Case Name _____________________ Session # ______________ Date _______________________ Brief description of the flow of the case: Principles Observed: 1. 3. 4. 5. 4. 3. 4. 5.

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Between sessions do research so that you will come prepared. mini-guides/references (Helps for Counselors. Feel free to bring aids you would like to have in a real counseling situation: i. How to Prepare Review your syllabus from the Intro course. tracts. Review the evaluation sheet in advance to know what I will be looking for.” Counselors should videotape their sessions and review the tape during the week. and a preliminary approach to the problem. Homework should be given. All are welcome to attend and observe. Those who are not counseling in a given week are still encouraged to attend and participate in the discussion. etc. by Adams or Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling. The third session should seek to develop a plan for ongoing progress in the life of the counselee in the context of his local church. Homework Manuals. by Kruis).Counseling Role Play Class (Example) Prerequisite: You should have completed the “Introduction to Biblical Counseling” course or its equivalent. The first session will emphasize data gathering. Counselees should fill in a PDI before the first session. Review The Christian Counselor’s Manual. Schedule September 12 September 19 2-4 PM September 26 and October 3 October 10 2-4 PM October 17 2-4 PM October 24 2-4 PM October 31 3-4 PM Class introduction Case 1 Case 2 Off for NANC conference Case 1 Case 2 Case 1 Case 3 Case 2 Case 3 Case 3 131 . After the “session” is over the class will discuss and critique the counselor’s approach. Some will also be asked to serve as “counselees. Each session should last approximately 35 minutes. hope building. Remember the 7 “I”s. The second session should emphasize more in depth instruction and application. The counselor will be given a PDI form before the session. General Description Each student or couple will counsel in a fictional situation for three sessions using the principles learned in the “Introduction to Biblical Counseling” course.e.

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10. Develop a Biblical view of emotions. Would you work with a physician? A psychologist? Using the example of homosexuality. is the difference between being empathetic and showing empathy? What is data gathering? Why is it important? Explain the need for homework in general. 8. 5. 26. Describe the importance of language in counseling. Give examples. Is there such a thing as false guilt? How is guilt to be handled in counseling? Write a paragraph or two on the problem of eclecticism in counseling and your position in reference to it. Describe how you deal with sin in counseling? Outline a program to help a couple develop good communication. Using a personal case history. not abstract homework. 15. show the need for moving from the performance level of problems to the preconditioning level. show the need for moving from the presentation level to the performance level. 16. if any. 11. Using a personal case history. 12. Is there any place in Biblical counseling for casting out demons? What does it mean to minister the Scriptures in counseling? Write a short paragraph on each of the following: healing of the memories. 4. visualization techniques. Describe 5 ways of handling anger (both correct and incorrect). 4:17-25. 20. 14.if any . 28. Don’t discuss what you would do in giving assignments. What. rather give actual assignments as you would write them down for the counselee. 22. 23. 6. With which Christian counselors . Give some typical assignments for a person who is depressed. 21. 2. 17. Describe and diagram how depression develops and is to be alleviated. How can emotions be changed? List several ways how you know when to terminate a counseling case. 27. and similar passages for Biblical counseling. 24. Support all your answers with Scripture. 1. self-image. 25. 13. Delineate the difference between true and false guilt. Explain the significance of Eph. 7. 19. What is a "complicating problem"? Give an example. 12-step and other recovery programs. Do the same for a person who worries and also for a person who fears.do you agree? On which points do you agree with them and why? How does church discipline relate to Biblical counseling? 18. please respond thoroughly to each of these statements. What are the goals of Biblical counseling? Are the Scriptures sufficient for Biblical counseling? What are some of the important needs in the first session? Describe how to develop involvement with a counselee.NANC Counselor’s Exam Using essay style writing. 135 . 3. and for concrete. describe how total restructuring works. in particular. 9. Define "halo data" and give some examples of halo data for depression.

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2. What is the relationship between infallibility and authority? 3. What is the church? 2. 2. and explain what you are doing to influence your group towards NANC’s position. The Bible is spoken of as “inspired. “Justification by faith alone. or denomination.” What does this mean? 2.NANC Theological Exam Using essay style writing. Soteriology 1. present. Bibliology 1. please respond thoroughly to each of these statements. State briefly the Biblical basis for.” 3. He was “tempted in all things as we are” (Heb. 2. state how you differ from your larger group. Who or what is the Holy Spirit? 2.” Discuss the meaning of this phrase. Support all your answers with Scripture. Discuss and relate to counseling theory and practice. can you unequivocally sign the member commitment statement? 137 . Do Christians persevere? What relationship does this have to counseling? Pneumatology 1. Relate this concept to inspiration and sufficiency of the Scripture. List and develop five attributes of God and how they relate to the believer’s life and counseling. and future. Many Christians today speak of continuing revelation. What role does the church play in the believer’s life and the counseling process? General Questions 1. and formulate the doctrine of. Why did Christ die? 2. Discuss. Anthropology 1. organization. If received as a NANC member. Sanctification is said to be past. including the idea of “union with Christ. 4:15). Theology Proper 1. Who and what is man? 2. which disagrees with NANC’s Statement of Faith? If so. What role does anthropology play in counseling theory and practice? Christology 1. the Trinity. What role does this Spirit play in the believer’s life and the counseling process? Ecclesiology 1. Are you involved in a larger group.

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NANC Case Report Form Type your answers to these questions. What unbiblical habits of thinking and /or behaving are you seeing in the counselee (preconditioning)? 141 . 2. 3. What main problems were discussed in this session? 6. What changes were made by the counselee since last session (as a result of applying last session’s 4. FAX or email to your supervisor. Counselee _________________________ Date ___________________ Session # _________________ Counselor ____________________________Session Length_________________________________ 1. Counsel and performing last session’s homework? 5. Summary of reasons they came for counseling (presentation problem). then mail. Significant background information. He should receive them in advance of your next appointment to discuss cases.

What Biblical solutions were presented in this session (tie in with #4)? 9. If someone asked the counselee right after the session.” what would you want him to say? 11. What are your goals for future sessions? If the session is not moving. How is the overall counseling process progressing? What issues have been sufficiently addressed by you and changed by the counselee? 13. What homework was given and how did it specifically apply to the problems (tie in with #4)? 10.”) 8. review Jay’s 50 Failure factors at back of the Christian Counselor’s Manual. 142 .7. What idols and/or heart issues are emerging? (“I must _____________. “What did you learn that you needed to change. How was hope or encouragement given in this session? 12.

Part IV: Counseling Homework .

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a. 5:18 Where have I sinned against my spouse? Mt. e. 7:5 5:23-24 In what ways do I need to change? Mt. “Peacemaking for Families” by Ken Sande “War of Words” by Paul Tripp. 145 . c. The Scripture texts provide some basis for each question. g.Family Conflict Assignment 1. Please write out answers to the following questions. Buy and read at least one of these books a. 2:3-4 How has my spouse sinned against me? Mt. f. What things about my spouse am I thankful to God for? I Thess. 7:5 In what ways would my spouse say that I need to change? Phil. g. James 4:1-2 James 1:19-20 Matthew 7:5 Galatians 6:1-2 Ephesians 5:22-33 Ephesians 4:32 Ephesians 4:29 3. f. d. b. e. d. b. b. a. 7:5b How can I gently help my spouse to change? Gal. Read each of these passages and state how they apply to your current marriage situation. c. 18:15f In what ways does my spouse need to change? Mt. 6:1-2 2.

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10 10 .12 12 .Teach us to number our days. Psalm 90:12 Sun. Thurs. Fri. Sat.11 To Do Mon. Priorities/tasks for the week 147 .10 11 . Wed. Tues.1 1-2 2-3 3-4 4-5 5-6 6-7 7-8 8-9 9 . 7-8 8 -9 9 .

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Tax. etc. Insurance. etc. Repairs) Housing (Rent. Electricity. Mortgage. Major Purchases) Miscellaneous Total Expenses Income Take Home Pay (After Taxes) Other Income (Investments. Repairs. Christmas.Family Budget Expenses Groceries Automobile (Payment.) Total Income Assets House Investments Others Total Assets Liabilities Mortgage Credit Cards Personal and Family Loans Other Total Liabilities __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ 149 . Gas.) Clothes Medical and Dental (Including Insurance) Debt Reduction Savings (Retirement.) Entertainment (Eat Out. Water) Giving to the Lord’s Work Education (Self or Children) Gifts (Birthday. Insurance) Utilities (Phone. College. etc. Vacation. Movies.

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You need to decide what you will do when that feeling comes. 4. Future Assignment: The Complete Husband. 7. Going back to the other woman in any sense will have significant consequences This is not merely a matter of restoring your marriage to its previous condition. 9. Husband: Read: Repentance and the 20th Century Man. Psalm 51 32 1.Unfaithfulness Assignment Listen to the 2 Wayne Mack tapes (Rebuilding a Marriage After an Affair) together. 8. 6. 5. 5. 2. 3. Take notes. How have you sinned against your husband? How can you know someone is repentant? What does it mean when you say you forgive someone? How do you plan to deal with these struggles? What struggles do you anticipate having as you seek to forgive? 151 . Make a list of the blessings God has given you through your family. You will “feel” like going back. by Jay Adams 1. Discuss together. 3. How have you sinned against God? How have you sinned against your wife? How have you sinned against others? What are the consequences of your sin? What are you going to do to completely break off this relationship? What are you willing to do to avoid temptation? What level of accountability do you think you need? Make a list of things you appreciate about your wife. Wife: Read: From Forgiven to Forgiving. 4. You need to make it better than it has ever been. 2.

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Part V: Quizzes .

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What are the dangers of integrating (mixing) the Bible with secular psychology? 6. 1. Answer in pen without looking at your notes. What are some harmful errors of modern psychology? 2. Then you may look at your notes and add to your answers in pencil.Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Quiz 1 Try to support all answers with Scripture. How should unbelievers be counseled? 179 . What is wrong with calling sins (such as drunkenness) a disease? 3. Why should Christian counselors be very wary of doctors who prescribe drugs for depression or anxiety? 4. Why shouldn’t a pastor send a troubled member to a secular counselor or psychologist? 5. What does it mean that the Bible is “sufficient” for counseling? 7.

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Then you may look at your notes and add to your answers in pencil. What “interpretation” must a counselor do? 4. 2. In what ways is Biblical Counseling “integrated” into the life of the counselee? 8. What will be the focal point of the “instruction” given by a counselor? 5. 1. What is the place of “intention” in the counseling process? 6. What is the place of “homework”? b.Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Quiz 2 Try to support all answers with Scripture. When and how is good counseling “implemented”? a. What is the goal of Biblical Counseling? 181 . Give examples of possible homework assignments? 7. What kinds of involvement should the counselor avoid? How and why should a counselor “investigate” his counselee’s problem? 3. Answer in pen without looking at your notes. In what ways should a counselor be “involved” with his counselee? a.

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What are the stages of dealing with a sin (church discipline)? 3. What homework would you give to mary? 4. and her father is very sick and may die. He has been unable to sleep at night. He does not want to go on living. What would you tell her from Scripture? c. What questions might you ask her? b. What questions might you ask him? b. Answer in pen without looking at your notes. He has no energy during the day. a. 1. John has come to you with a problem of depression. Mary has come to you because she is worried about many things: her husband may lose his job. a. What would you tell him from Scripture? c. What homework would you give to John? 183 . Why or why not? 2.Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Quiz 3 Try to support all answers with Scripture. one of her children may have a serious learning disability. Then you may look at your notes and add to your answers in pencil. Should a counselor guarantee absolute confidentiality to a counselee? a.

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Amy is not sure that she can forgive Ferdinand and may want to leave him.Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Quiz 4 Try to support all answers with Scripture. How would you instruct Amy from Scripture? d. a. a. Then you may look at your notes and add to your answers in pencil. Jun and his wife have come to you because he has a problem with drinking and gambling. What homework would you give them? d. He and his wife are members of your church and have been hiding this behavior. What questions would you ask them? b. How would you instruct Ferdinand from Scripture? c. He says that he is sorry. What instruction would you give them from the Bible? c. Is there anything else you would do? 185 . What homework would you give to Ferdinand? e. Answer in pen without looking at your notes. What questions would you ask them? b. Sometimes when he has been drinking he is verbally or even physically abusive. Ferdinand has been unfaithful to Amy. What homework would you give to Amy? 2. 1. Amy and Ferdinand come to you for counseling.

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Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Quiz 5 Try to support all answers with Scripture. Sam. He is wondering how he can know God’s will for his career. He has a girlfriend. What else would you want to know about Ron? b. 1. What instruction would you give her from Scripture? c. He has held several jobs. He is having a terrible time struggling with lust. a. a. Ron is 25 years old and has a wife and a small child. Jane has come to you because she is overwhelmed. What instructions would you give Sam from Scripture? c. a. What do you think Jane’s problem is? b. but keeps quitting because he is not finding job satisfaction. Then you may look at your notes and add to your answers in pencil. Sometimes he looks at pornography. What counsel would you give Ron from Scripture? 187 . He has considered going to Bible school. Answer in pen without looking at your notes. She is concerned that people don’t think that she is doing enough. in her home. but this will require his wife going back to work and putting the baby in day care. What homework would you give Sam? 3. and volunteering in the community. She can’t say “no”. What homework would you give Jane? 2. What questions would you ask Sam? b. She is busy working in the church. a 16 year old boy who helps in your mid-week children’s program has come to you.

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