STUCK INSIDE DAMASCUS (with the memphis blues again?

) Dedicated to Bashar al-Assad

I wake up in Damascus To some noise out in the town I open up the window Cant you people hold it down? I spot a soldier standing And I clear my throat, "Ahem!" He sees me up above him And he shouts, You're one of them!" I start to close the window But he's Johnny-on-the-spot He tells me Im a prisner Of the al-Mukhabarat. He takes me to his Sergeant In a room without a view. Who says that he has proof that I'm an agent of the Jews. He shows me sevral photos Of a club at Thomas Gate That bars a Mossad hangout You were there. Its check and mate. I sign a typed confession And I thought that we were through. But no, he tells the soldier, Take him up to the HQ."

The Captain at Headquarters Hes a thug, his names Farooq He takes one look and mutters Hell, that aint no Jewboy spook." He tears up the confession And he kicks me in the balls. He says, Youre in al-Qaeda Give it up and tell me all. I rattle off a story How I trained in Pakistan. And taught Mohammed Atta How to slip through airport scans. They type a new confession And I sign my autograph. Farooq decides to send me To the Army Chief of Staff. They toss me in a dungeon In a place both dark and dank They leave me there for six days And the food they gave me stank The seventh day this colonel Who is one of Bashars friends He drives up to the prison In a pink Mercedes Benz. He glares at all around him And he huffs and puffs and roars His helpers cringe and tremble As he calls for blood and gore.

He looks at me and hollers Youre a liar! Youre a fake! You never were al-Qaeda. Did you think youd get a break? He tears up the confession And he stomps and kicks a chair Youre CIA, I know it. Its a fact as clear as air. I sign a new confession. As they watch the drying ink, They post my face on YouTube And they throw me in the clink. They tell the world they got im Both the plotter and the plot They have it down on paper How this "terrorist" was caught Each Friday before Moslem prayer They trot me out to say, Im an agent of al-Qaeda Of the Jews and CIA. So that is all my story. And each word I swear is true Im stuck inside Damascus Guess its better me than you But if you ever go there And youre feeling in a rut Dont go looking for trouble, Dude, Just keep the window shut.

And stay out of the daylight And just sit there like a monk And pour yourself a strong one Hell, you might as well get drunk 'Cause it's crazy in Damascus Like a parallel universe Where all the cops are criminals. And it only can get worse. And the President's a werewolf His brother's a bombadier. His wife's locked in a tower. She stares into a mirror. And the Parliament's a peep show. The Prime Minister's a chump. The Grand Mufti's a hunchback. The Mosque's an ammo dump. Now what's that sound we're hearing? Is it a wounded tiger's roar? Or a regime in the throes of dying? Let it die like the dinosaur. Take care not to lose that ticket. It's for the last train to the coast. You do not want to be stuck here, And end up being toast.