Você está na página 1de 4

A role model for your son By Rabbi Shloime Ehrlich Having to juggle being a mother and father, being

sympathetic to your child, yet disciplining at the same time poses great challenges to the single mother. The term superwoman was definitely coined for you! However, there are things that a single mother just simply cant do, and thats where the importance of acquiring a role model comes into the picture. Before I attempt to enumerate the importance of having a role model for your child, I want to acknowledge that finding a role model is not an easy task. Therefore I would like to first suggest various ways you can go about finding a role model that will best suit your child needs.

I feel the need to reiterate the fact that its you, the mother who is and will always be the biggest advocate on behalf of your child and therefore, you have to be the one to make the first move and reach out with your needs. People want to help out theyre just reluctant to approach you first. So although it may feel vulnerable to you to have to ask, realize that they want to help out.

First and foremost try to find someone within your family; for example a brother, brother-in-law, grandfather, or uncle. If that doesnt work out, try the neighbors on the block youd be surprised how many of them are ready and willing to undertake this

task, you just have to reach out and ask because they might be unsure if they should offer. Many times its the melamed that can take your child under his wings, again, upon your request. Additionally you can talk to your rav or the askanim in your shul for ideas of a suitable man. There are young kollel yungeleit that can also be potential candidates for this arrangement. You may even be able to find a father of a blended family! Now once you have someone, it is very important for you to be very specific about what you would like him to do with your son. You should even come prepared with a written list of what you want. (having a written list is more important than you think, because like this, its not a guessing game, and his responsibilities are clearly spelled out.) You can ask him to do any of the following responsibilities: (You can make your own list) Take your child to Shul on Shabbos and Yom Tov Review with him the weekly studies from yeshiva He should take him to community events like; a Hachnassas Sefer Torah, Chanukah candle lighting by a rebbe or roshei yeshiva etc. Call the melamud at least once a month He can invite him over for a Shabbos meal When you break down the responsibilities of what you want the role model to undertake, it also reassures him that it really isnt such a big

undertaking after all (time wise), however it is a responsibility that has to be taken seriously. By him carrying the official label of moishes role model will propel him into doing his job with heart and import.

However it is very essential to know what to be aware of when choosing a role model for your child. Some mothers are just so relieved to have someone to do this job that they havent really checked into who he is and if hes really suitable.

What qualifications does a role model need to have? In a perfect world, all the following criterions should be met! Yet even if a few are there its also great! A positive person, with a positive outlook on life can penetrate a child more than actual actions! Good and solid hashkafos, with an enthusiasm towards yidishkeit. A happy, friendly person with a good listening ear. A confident person A person that is committed. There are many people that have good intentions but dont actually follow through. Someone who more or less has the same yidishkeit values as you have

A word of caution: I dont want to scare you, yet the fact is that children without a father are unfortunately more vulnerable to predators. It is very important for you to be well informed of her childs schedule with the role model. You must insist that any private learning that is done with your child should be in a public place. Needless to say, (and without creating paranoia about this topic!) the mother should have a frank conversation about inappropriate touching by strangers with all of her children at least once a year. As an important side note; children under the age of bar mitzvah should never go to shul without someone being responsible for them in shul (because of this matter). Make sure to thank the role model (even if its family!) at least once a month to acknowledge their efforts and to show your hakaros hatov. This will encourage them to continue their work. May we finally be zoche on this yom-tov Chanukah to ascend to higher and better levels in our personal lives and the community as a whole to see the great light of Moshiach.

Interesses relacionados