Therapists Overview

IDENTIFYING CONFLICT THEMES

GOALS OF THIS EXERCISE

1. Learn and demonstrate healthy communication and conflict management skills leading to increased harmony within the family and cessation of addictive behavior. Implement healthy coping behaviors to deal with conflicts within the family. Take responsibility for ones own part in conflict initiation and resolution. Learn to identify conflict as healthy or unhealthy, and make decisions about how to resolve it. Learn about conflict triggers to avoid unhealthy conflicts when possible.

2. 3. 4. 5.

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS FOR WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL

Anger Dangerousness/Lethality Occupational Problems Parent-Child Relational Problems Partner Relational Conflicts

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH THE CLIENT

The Identifying Conflict Themes activity is used to help the client assess patterns in conflicts (e.g., topics of conflict, times conflicts are likely to happen, and with whom). It guides the client in looking at initiation or maintenance of a conflict as something in which he/she has an active part, assisting him/her in taking active steps to resolve conflict in healthy ways. This exercise can be used in groups to role-play conflict situations the client has difficulty handling in positive ways.

FAMILY CONFLICTS

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EXERCISE XIV.B

IDENTIFYING CONFLICT THEMES

Conflict in families is inevitable. On one hand, resolving conflict in negative ways (e.g., ignoring, being physically or emotionally abusive, refusing to admit wrongs, blaming others, leaving) creates more problems and further isolates each person involved from the other(s). On the other hand, resolving conflict in positive ways helps family relationships grow stronger and more supportive. Positive conflict management requires us to ask ourselves what responsibility we have in initiating, maintaining, and resolving any conflict. This exercise asks you to start keeping a conflict journal to gather information about what conflict looks like in your family. Follow this format, and record the conflict in your home for two weeks. Date and time. Intensity of the conflict (1=very low to 10=very high). Situation. Who was present? My behavior during the conflict. What did I want to have happen? What was the outcome?

Review your conflict journal after two weeks and reflect on the following questions. 1. What did you notice about the conflicts in your family? Look for themes or patterns.

2. What times of the day were conflicts or arguments most likely to occur (e.g., upon waking, bedtime, after work/school)?

3. List any conflict situations that came up more than once.

EXERCISE XIV.B

4. What role(s) do you play in conflicts (e.g., instigator, victim, peacemaker, rescuer, defender, etc.)?

5. Write about any conflict with a positive outcome, including what was different about the situation (e.g., intensity low, got my way, everyone got to express themselves, no name calling, a compromise, etc.).

6. Do you tend to see arguments as right/wrong, win/lose? How do you think this affects conflict?

7. What difficulties did you notice as patterns in resolving conflicts?

8. What do you feel needs to change to reduce negative conflict in your family?

9. Do you tend to get into conflicts with some members of your family more often than others? If so, why do you think this is?

10. Discuss with a counselor or trusted support person ways they deal with conflict in their families and get positive results. Write about what you learned.

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11. Write down one thing you can begin to work on in the next week to approach conflict in your family differently.

Be sure to bring this handout with you to your next therapy session, and be prepared to talk about your thoughts and feelings about this exercise.