Scene 1 PETER (Voice-over) This could have been any city: they're all the same.

A rapid, swerving track along deserted streets and down narrow lanes and passageways. Accompanied by soundtrack and credits. Cut to: Peter in front of a computer in a Park doing Video Blog. My name is Peter. This is my country USA, land of free sex.We have Canada on the North and the assholes Mexico in the south. Shows a picture of School Teacher, This guy is pervert and child rapist and we have many in our town. This is my neighbor (Shows a picture).I get a new dog. He gets a new dog. I get an ipod, he gets an ipod.I get an iphone, he gets an iphone.I get a new IPAD he cant afford. And the rumor around town is if he cheats, his girlfriend told him she is going to snap his cock off. This is my wife. I think she is pretty and she is love of my life. I dvr all my favorite shows. My favorite shows are hour long dramas on TNT.My favorite activity is watching TV while eating cinnabon.My dad was a dog catcher, he taught me how to do it. The one thing Iam proud of is my apartment. It is situated in a prime location in NYC.Iam trying to sublet my apartment so as make extra cash. Scene 2 On different Day, Video Blog 2. PETER My wife for ten years dumped me last week. PETER I loved her, she was my life. PETER She has been dating another rich Asian guy for four weeks now. PETER

I said to her that I needed explanation for these shenanigans. She laughed and just told me that I sucked at everything I did. PETER Christina applebaum is her name, we both went to same high school. She is a town biatch. PETER Christina cheated on me when she was pregnant. I got a pink slip and a restraining order. PETER Now I have to pay a bunch of vaginamony.She wants to movie Hawaii with her new boyfriend with my dog. PETER Vaginamony. For using her services. The court still has laws from middle ages, it sucks man. PETER Actually all that I was fine, until last week. I went bankrupt. Got fired from my job being inept. Besides that, I still have a huge hangover from all the whisky and coke, I drank yesterday. PETER Now all I want to do is Show the world my talent. I want to be actor. Headshot 1: Laid back guy. Headshot 2: This is my father favorite. Headshot 3: Gang member/ Nerd. Iam trying to sublet my apartment as you all know. I have prepared questionnaire for prospective tenants PETER Any brothers and sisters? PETER Any dog? PETER Does he like hotdogs?

PETER I have one question that I really wanted to ask. When you slaughter a goat and wrench its heart out with your bare hands, do you then summon hellfire? PETER Does he little freebase maybe, from time to time? PETER Look, it's a fairly straightforward question. Is he divorced or you're not. PETER OK, I'm going to play you just a few seconds of this tape -- I'd like you to name the song, the lead singer and the three hit singles subsequently recorded by him with another band. PETER Did he ever kill a man? How old are you? You ever expose yourself in public? PETER Has he ever worn pink frilly underwear...? PETER What brought him here? PETER Business or pleasure. PETER What kind of business does he do? PETER What college did he go to? And finally word of the day is ShitShit is most of common word used in English language. Shit, no shit, bullshit, this shit that shit. And some times it can replace a whole sentence. If you drink too much you get what shit face. I call my friend and ask him were you scared? He was like I was shitting bricks I was dating a girl at work and my friends said you never shit where you eat. Since then every time I go to burger king to eat, I go to Mac Donalds across the street and take a shit. Cut To:

Scene 3 PETER'S VOICE I need to pay rent so I am subleasing one of the rooms in the apartment. PETER You speak Eng-lish?

DEV Yes. From what I see in the pictures. PETER Spacious, quiet, bright, well appointed, all that sort of stuff. DEV Well, yes. PETER So tell me, Dev, what on earth -- just tell me, because I want to know -- what on earth could make you think that I would want to share a apartment like this with someone like you? Dev Because I am nice guy. PETER Really. PETER Do you have brothers and sisters? PETER What brought you here? PETER Business or pleasure. PETER What kind of business you do PETER What college did you go to? Dev Stop it. PETER Stop? If anything, we will be staying together for an entire year and I need to know you better.

PETER reaches for the radio, but Dev holds out his hand. DEV YMCA. PETER You're shittin' me. You know the YMCA?! DEV YMCA America. (Starts singing) PETER YMCA America my ass. You don't look like a ymca, you don't sound like a YMCA. And your singin' ability is only gonna make me do something that I could get the death penalty for. You want America, here's America. He plays lil Jon song. He does a little dance in the park. Peter (embarrassed) Oh no, sometimes I get caught up. Peter Mam in the red dress, has an amazing rack.

Scene 4
Dev is taking pictures of the apartment and sets up the telescope at the window. PETER Rent is due every 30th.Here is the room key and mail key. Trash is due on 15th. Dev What about wireless. PETER We can use neighbors password. Dev Free internet, I love that

Peter

And also, I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back in the apartment.

Peter I want you to know, Dev, Im a steel trap. Peter Whatever happens here, I will never, ever, ever, speak a word of it. Dev Okay... Thank you. Peter Seriously. I don't care what happens. Peter I don't care if you bring girls, do coke. DevWhat? Peter You heard me. It's NY City. Peter I won't tell a soul. Dev Okay. I got it. Peter You might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man band. But when came here, I knew he was one of my own. And my band, it grew by one. So were there two... So there were two of us in the band. I was alone first in the pack, and then you, Dev joined in later. "Two of us ......running around the city together ...Looking for fun." So tonight... ...I make a toast. Peter goes outside and changes into some Party dress and comes in. Peter Hey.Ready to let the Party rock?

Dev - What? Peter Let Party Rock. You know. Dev What is that? Peter It is a vest . Dev YOU look like Aladdin in it, remove it. Peter Girls really love it. Peter I am going to a casino in Atlantic City, we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter? I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight. Peter Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? Peter It's not gambling when you know you're going to win. Peter Counting cards is a foolproof system. Dev It's wrong. Peter It's not wrong, it's frowned upon, like watching porn on an airplane. Dev I'm pretty sure that's wrong too. Peter Yeah, maybe after 9/11, Where everybody got so sensitive. Peter Thanks a lot, al Qaeda. Dev Let us go next week. I have an important assignment.

Peter Oh, I'm free next week. Checks his phone. Peter Uh, you know what? Next week's no good, Justin beiber is in town. But any week after that is totally fine.

Scene 5
Video blog Peter Women need to be cooler man, Women like sex as much we do. Women do want to fuck but women are always like nooooooooooo and they go home and have all that electrical equipment like vibrator etc.I will fuck everything that moves. Peter Last night I was in a club, I saw a girl with a little fish on top of her banooches (vagina). Once I saw a gal whose pants were so low cut at a club, you could see her tramp stamp. Iam planning to get four tattoos, I will get an octopus (I was born on the 17th, 1+7=8. Octopuses have 8 arms), a dragon with a tail of flames (I was born in the year of the dragon, fire dragon to be exact), a YIN YANG with flames in the dark side, water in the white side. And a picture of buddastavs, (the gatekeeper to the door of reincarnation). /////////////////////////////////////////// Scene 6 Peter (to Dev on phone) Dude do you want to get high? Dev I have shit load of work. Peter When is getting high ever stopped you from working... Peter Dude I just bought a dime of blue magic from downtown, even though I am on probation. Dev No dude. Peter Chill the *beep* out and get stoned. Because today, I want both of us to hit the joint. Lets get blitzed, dawg. Peter (tries to unmute the mute phone ....) (To boss) I am going to call in sick today sir

Scene 7 Dev Some one has kidnapped my wife. The ransom amount is fifty million dollars. I can't afford to lose anybody Close to me. It hurts too much. Peter Yes Dev Iam really sad but I need to find her. PETER Fifty million dollars? Man, who do you think they kidnapped? Michelle obama? Peter I was so upset when my grandpa died. Dev Oh, I'm s... How'd he die? Peter Vietnam war. Dev Died in battle? Peter No, he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War II. Peter That was weird. Scene 8 PETER Let me introduce you to Peters new theory of criminal investigation: follow the rich white man. Dev:

Follow the rich white man? PETER: Behind every big crime, there's a rich white man waiting for his cut. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Scene 9 Video blog 5 Impersonations Bush Bill Clinton Michael J Bollywood Actor ////////////////////////////////////////////////