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BONUS CHAPTER: ACI LIFE 360 - SELF ACCEPTANCE THE THREE FOUNDATIONS OF ONLINE DATING MASTERY CHAPTER ONE 1.1 CONFIDENCE IS WHERE YOU WIN THE GAME 1.2 AN INTRODUCTION TO THE ATTRACTOR SECRETS 1.3 IDENTIFYING YOUR UNIQUE ATTRACTOR FACTORS 1.4 VISUALIZE 1.5 THE EXPANSIVE SELF IS AN IRRESISTABLE ATTRACTOR CHAPTER TWO 2.1 CONFIDENCE ATTRACTOR: COMMITMENT TO WINNING CHAPTER THREE 3.1 STOP ADVERTISING 3.2 START INNOVATING 1 10 13 13 14 15 25 28 31 34 35 35 37
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SelF ACCePTANCe:
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You and I are functional idiots. We all are. We are only semi-conscious sleep-walkers through life. We think we know what were doing, that we are captains of our own ships, but in fact, we are driven by a burgeoning corps of captains piloting a flotilla of subconscious ships. To wit, we are driven forward by our unconscious knee-jerk reactions, and unconsidered assumptions. We are haunted by forgotten rejections, which linger in our souls in clots of fear and hesitation. And we stand deer-eyed, in the headlights of the future paralyzed, stuck, static, afraid even though something in our brain is screaming at us to leap out of the way and head for the hills. But we dont. We (unless we read this newsletter!) stand in the road of life and get run down, over and over and over again. We make bad choices for girlfriends because we dont know what we truly want or need. We fall into stupid arguments that repeat like
looped recordings. We experience frustration, despondency and, finally, despair. Or you wake up. You become conscious of your inner workings. And here is the key you ACCEPT those inner workings and then enter the playground and consciously engage with and change them. The process of maturing and relaxing into the wholeness of who you are as a man is to welcome the shadow selves that lurk between your public face. What is your shadow? Your shadow is the amalgam of your evil hungers and nasty judgments of others, your secret desires to lash out and injure. Your shadow appears in layers of your self-loathing, aggregated from childhood, adolescent sadness, the inevitable wounds of adulthood, as your childhood hopes either crash on the rocks or slowly evolve into something new.
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You hide from them. You cover them over, you feel shame (go to Youtube and put in Guilty Dog Denver THATs the face of someone who has denied his shadow but cannot anymore!). You suppress a whole giant part of who you really are the part that actually feels more real than your public face, but a lot more painful. And then you meet a girl and shes going through the same hide and seek process with the parts she doesnt like to see. She, like you, has had to put on a strong public face. To show that shes tough. Nobodys sucker. That she cant be taken advantage of. But as a woman, shes got her own shadow beings lurking inside her. She desperately wants to be loved, accepted, welcomed finally and wholly by a man who will not drop her to another hearts death. And she is afraid, bodily afraid, for she is a tender, yearning forest stripling, a green shoot, delicate and vulnerable, striving for light amid the rampaging chain saw masculine all around her.
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And I want you to do this in a very particular way: in the spirit of three things: Curiosity. Adventure. And Play.
Why? Because we are all functional idiots! You and she both are piloted by all This month, I want you to pull a particu- those invisible mad captains, drunk on lar sword out of the stone on the path fear. Think about it, you and she to your masculine kingship. And that sword is what I call Emotional Leader- You yell at the person you love the most. ship. You hurt the person you adore because you are afraid she will hurt you first. She And before we even get to leadership of holds back her love because shes afraid her, Im talking about your leadership of shell be betrayed. You shy away from courting the woman you worship beYOU. cause you are afraid your prayers will By Emotional Leadership, I mean that not reach her highest heavens and you you are to the unusual, perceptive, cou- will be cast into a new hell, alone and rageous, awakened man who doesnt rejected. hide from her or from yourself. Who helps coax her fears and shadows from If it all wasnt so painful, it would be the dark. Who brings up issues before funny. In the other hand, if it werent so she does or before they congeal into bat- funny, it would REALLY be painful. tle, and you both slink into your corners like cowardly boxers.
We live in a sci-tech masculine society that celebrates conquering, division, construction and visible form. But we are secretly driven by the feminine inner world of emotional reality. The truth This should be a startling and VERY dis- is, we all want to be loved, comforted, turbing fact! And yet most people just made safe and we want to feel needed and important to somebody. bumble on You have not learned the abcs of sadness, nor the multiplication tables of anger. Do you know at any moment which of the emotional elements of your inner periodic table are dominant, or transmuting, or breaking down? With all the amazing findings on how hormonal output determines emotional state, how much are you just a passive victim of chemical flows through your body? Or hers? We just are too headstrong or afraid to admit it, or to get a grip on it. Today we get a grip on it. And as we do, things like shame, guilt, anger, blame will begin to dissipate. You will see they are unnecessary coatings over the vibrant truth of your life.
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Look, who are you? Who are we as You can take shadow work culling men, as a species? up the frustrations and fears we each have as a deep, dark psychological A bunch of really brainy guys at a uni- slogfest, washed with tears and cries to versity decided we are homo sapiens. an earless heaven. Or you can say, we Man the conscious thinker because are all in this Jello-pit! Lets play as we You will bring all the emotional reactiv- those brainy guys saw themselves that tumble and swim our way to the side of way. But there are other traditions. We the pool and into the light! ity from the past to a present moment, even though there is no REAL threat. A could call ourselves homo faber man girl might trigger your fear of rejection, the maker (as in fabricate). But one When you approach this inevitable of my favorite definitions (and dont process of coming to terms with your even though she is just standing there you see how we exceed all these limit- shadow self with some humor, espesipping her green tea. ing definitions), is homo ludens or cially with your female partner, you Your mastery, and your leadership begin playful man (ludens - as in ludic mus- will find there is plenty of forgiveness cles that make us smile, or ludicrous) to go around. It is a great way to alwith your ability to be aware of which man as playful creature. leviate yourself from shame or blame threat is REAL and which is imaginary. both of which are just secondary judgApproach-anxiety is nothing more than Children are born to play and, as ments over on top of actual emotions. your confusion between past and presadults, we escape to play as often as our ent. bullshit, nose-to-the-grindstone culEach of us has shadows that hold forAnd your predilection to fight in a rela- tural norms allow. bidden feelings such as shame, jealousy, tionship is usually your (and her) kneejerk habit of allowing the past to invade Honestly, I cant think of a more fertile greed, lust, and rage. Left to their own the present. My classic example is my ex place to play than on the dance floor of devices these shadows will become wife. A simple request from me, would the sexes. Comedians of course, find destructive saboteurs--causing us to beendless humor in our mutual misun- tray our loved ones as well as ourselves. you try to remember to bring banana derstandings and frustrations. Go on peels in from the car? brought a sharp response of Oh! Youre saying Im a bad Youtube and look at Chris Rock, Louis It is not within our power to choose CK, Joe Rogan, Maria Bamford, Doug whether or not to have these shadows; person!? In fact, that was the mesStanhope, Sam Kinison - put in the however, it is within our power to take sage she got from her very screwed up mother for two decades, before we even keywords marriage, girlfriend, dating responsibility for our shadows and and if you feel sorry for yourself about put them to productive use. met. anything, or think youre the only one suffering, your self-pity will explode What are your triggers? into laughter. Would you like to have mastery over them so they dont have mastery over you? Were all deep in it. We all suck at it. We dont understand each other be-
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Step one is Awareness. Can you feel the body pressure building? Where? In your chest? Your stomach? Your head? Can you identify the trigger moment? Then is the threat your emotional brain is reacting to real or imagined? In the present or in the past? Step two requires one thing: Courage. It takes courage for you to accept that an imaginary emotional response isnt actually real! Why courage because it FEELS real! And that feeling is empowering you in some strange way. You may feel self-righteous, justified, pumped up, a victim. These are not the things we are normally proud of, but when our hormonal, involuntary emotional brain is pumping its juices, we are not normal we either fight or flee.
ened, outraged only to discover later that this emotional reaction was unwarranted? That you overreacted? Misreacted? That you got the facts wrong or misinterpreted someones actions? Can you remember how volcanic your feelings were? And how embarrassed you were afterwards, even though you were relieved?
that you are not a victim of circumstance, but the navigator of lifes seas. Your hand is on the wheel and the other is on the throttle. You are in control. I often say that if a woman doesnt admire you, she will secretly, then openly, begin to despise you. Please take this work seriously. Dr. Steve has posted an exercise online for you to get a stronger grip on your emotional life, so you can gain awareness, calm your emotional momentary state and do no harm. Go to www.TamingYourAnger.com and go through his free Sound Awareness and Breath Control process which is the start of your emotional mastery.
Its important to do this above exercises because it begins the process of LOOSAnd what usually happens is that we ENING the grip of your momentary express anger. Anger, according to Dr. emotions on our will power. It is crucial Steve, is not a primary but a secondary to realize that emotion a shield we create to protect us when we feel unsafe, unloved or disThe intensity of your emotions connected. Anger makes us feel for a does not make them any more fleeting moment safe. correct or appropriate. Of course it usually makes us less safe. Because when angry we say damaging things, do damaging things and blow off our emotional pressure in an uncontrolled, unthought out way.
tions rather than a victim of them. I want you to be able to lead your women This is important work. It is essential to GETTING REAL... (and/or children) through this loosen- your happiness and attractiveness. ing process. Take a second. Can you remember a I want you to live it. time when you felt upset, angry, threat- Maturation, mastery, leadership means
They just are and they are driven by Let me know how it goes at adamgilad@ past hurt and fear. gmail.com -- and let him know too, I want you to be a master of your emo- what you think.
To Learn More Ways To Attract, Connect, & Inspire The Beautiful Women You Really Want!
Go To www.ACILIFE360.com
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This stranger is our shadow -- he pops up suddenly and unexpectedly, when you get angry or abusive or self hateful. The stranger takes over when you find you are suddenly defensive and withdrawn
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you hide. And the more you beat that In short by getting super-curious side of yours down and hide it the more about your shadow side, and by welalien part of you becomes. coming it rather than by denying or fighting it, you grow more whole, more Not only because you become split, but integrated and more happy. its usual that use that what you cant face in yourselves becomes intolerable A Note: If you come from a religious Its like an unwanted visitor, literally in others. It leads to addiction, shame, tradition that wields guilt as a weapon like a ugly shadow you cast that is you abuse of others. Fighting, envy, blam- to terrorize you, you will have to learn but isnt you but you dont want to seen ing -- just a whole lot of pain. to either come to terms with that traby anyone. dition, by welcoming the good it might Whether its moodiness or sarcasm or bring you or let go of the tradition alAnd because it is a stranger with a life addictive behavior -- the challenge of together. One of the sad, enduring of its own who sometimes overpowers romancing the shadow you so often act legacies of monotheistic religions is the our good, public faces, we end up feel- out indirectly. You dont really know bifurcation of the self into good and ing ashamed and feeling less than the that its sneaking out and expressing it- evil. We all have destructive tendenguy we want to think of ourselves as be- self. cies, but they are not curses caused by ing. ancestors back to Adam and Eve, and And then when you look at it you are they are not the devil. They are shadWhen youre in a loving relationship and so horrified, you say, shit! Thats not ow inclinations and must be handled, suddenly dream of freedom and sleep- me! And you stuff it back down again. just like everything else in our lives. ing around its your shadow speaking The key is to ease out of the idea that -- the part you dont want seen. When The trick is to coax the shadow out in any negative or destructive thoughts you are committed to health but pig- Dr. Wolf s words, to romance it, to woo are coming from outside of you. They out on ice cream late at night -- if you it out into the light and awareness. are just part of you, and you will be a shadow acting out. When you belittle house divided against yourself as long your lover or a friend or yourself -- that It doesnt happen in a day, but you can as you see them as anything other but is your shadow belittling. What a priest create, step-by-step, bit by bit, an on- you whether its Satan or something seeks off for four -- the shadow. going becoming aware process and my parents or my ex did to me. They thereby create happy conscious rela- are you. Accept it, work with it, and What happens is that your persona, or tionships by reducing your shadows transform it into action in your life that the mask of a show to the world gets power to unconsciously sabotaging you. you can be proud of. split off some part of yourself -- the part
When you do this practice over and over, you will swiftly start to truly know what fears are driving you then you can start making better decisions and commitments on how to actually change The shadow knows its purpose -- to your life so you can dissipate these hidmake the unconscious conscious. To den fears by making them irrelevant. make what you are hiding come out. It tries to tell its secrets and, trust me, it For example, if youre drinking too will -- either through abusive behaviors, much, dissing women in conversation choosing the wrong person to try to love or smoking to much weed, you might again or through addictions. If you find genuinely be lonely and want a great you are drinking too much, working woman in your life. When you employ nonstop, watching too much porn in the practice above enough times, youll that moment ask yourself: what is see your shadow fear more clearly, and then you can decide to join more meet the pain I am trying to hide from?
Shadow Practice
up groups, approach more women, get active online on Match.com and writing more women. The key is, once you are clear you are more likely to take action. When you take action, your life changes and dark shadows haunting you dissolve like disappointed ghosts. The goal to turn self-hate itself acceptance and shame into pride.
The great thing is that your shadow issues become the very catalyst for your development.
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cheap. If I didnt like her defensiveness, I was shown mine. If I didnt like her judgmentlism, I was served up a big heaping bowlful of Judge Adam. It was humbling. And it was part of my process of learning to release blame for her or for anybody in how I felt about myself or anything. Releasing blame of others allows you to focus on whats going on inside you so you can take an honest assessment of how you -- and you alone -- create your reality, your relationships, and your life. It is all you. Always. Heres another Ayahuasca story that I think is very relevant to you During another journey, my question was, please help me accept all of myself. Finally. What I secretly wanted was for the medicine to show me what an awesome guy I was great dad, smart businessman, thoughtful teacher, doing something of value in the world. But what I received was four and a half hours of having every ugly thought I have -- about myself, about others, my family, friends, everyone in the room, even my own kids, every ugly thought I had about them, all their flaws and failures, all their masks and the simulations thrown in my face. Its hard to describe, but it did feel like torture, being shown the horrible judgmental person I could be. Well, after 4 hours of torture I couldnt take it anymore and I buried my face in my hands and pleaded, why, why are you doing this to me? All I wanted was to accept myself, then all youve done is show me how awful I am, how full of dark thoughts.
But when I decided to divorce, my challenge became how to take full responsibility for what happened between us. I had always heard that what we dislike in others tends to be exactly the parts of ourselves that we dont like in ourselves. You fast for a day before drinking this cup of wonder and you ask it a quesFrankly, it was hard for me to accept, tion before you drink. because I had to see myself as good. That was my patterning from child- And man, do you get answers! hood. Because of a death in the family of my sister, I positioned myself as the So, one night, I was sitting with a shaone who would make my mother hap- man in the forest and decided this night py. So I would be the good one, the one that I wanted to focus on forgiving my who excels, as my sister used to sarcasti- ex-wife for all her horrible transgrescally call me, Mr. Perfect. sions against me. And my shadow just grew and grew underneath that surface personality. Because, of course, secretly, I knew I was certainly not perfect, and had plenty of destructive, mean, base and negative thoughts and desires.
azon called Ayahuasca that opens portals of understanding otherwise often hidden. When you boil it and mix it with another plant, and drink the brew, you sit in meditation and for five hours and are handed a virtual Encyclopedia of Truth about yourself and about the nature of existence. They call it the God plant, the Death Plant and The Grandmother because you are given vision after vision and understanding after understanding, worthy of the wisdom of a wise grandmother who knows all.
After drinking the brew, and sitting a while, I was not shown anything new about her, but, like a powerless and obedient schoolchild, I was led, qualityby-quality through all of my complaints about her -- and shown that not only did I embody those qualities to some Now heres where it gets interesting degree, but this is the real revelation of the whole process I was shown exactly I know this may sound outlandish to how I embodied those qualities before Thats when it happened. I saw a sward those of you who have never partaken, I had even met her. If I didnt like her but there is a vine that grows in the Am- cheapness, I was shown how I had been Cont. pg 8
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plunge straight into the base of my neck piercing my spine downward along the vertebrae. And as it descended, a fountain, a gusher of white light shot upward from the hole 20 feet into the air and showered everything around me. It was at that moment the that I had the illumination, and utter relief... If I wanted to fully accept myself, this was the part of myself that I hadnt yet accepted, and that I needed to, in order to relax into full self-knowledge. Ayahuasca had helped me pull my shadow side the part I didnt want to see into the light. And it was such an incredible relief to see it clearly without being able to hide it away, and an incredible relief to accept it. Because whatever you are ashamed of, whatever you are embarrassed of, whatever you think makes you unworthy of the most wonderful women you meet its all a much lesser monster than you are making it out to be. Its a fantastic feeling to let go of all that shame and inadequacy, and just bring yourself clean, whole, peacefully imperfect and self-accepting to every woman you meet.
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self, though its not easy. But I urge you find a way, a safe way, to allow yourself to fully experience all those parts of yourself the failures and shame those parts that you hide away from others and try to hide away from yourAnd it makes you a more appealing self. man. You can spend your life lying to others ACTION: whenever you get defensive, to protect your ego, but when you lie whenever you snap back at some per- to yourself, you do extra damage. Beceived insult or feel your chest tighten or cause you prevent yourself from feeling self-criticism rise up in the face of frus- whole, and you lock yourself down in tration or embarrassment, see if you defensive position, preventing yourcan let that feeling dissolve. And un- self from growing into an even deeper apologetically allow yourself to accept wholeness and happiness. all of yourself in the moment. Knowing that you can get better over time, but Note: this is a reminder. We live in a culknowing that in this moment, you are ture of instant gratification. Everything is on demand. But contemplation, flawed and its perfectly fine. self-awareness and the humor and selfNow you may not have access to Aya- compassion that is necessary to finally huasca, and it may seem like the weird- accept all parts of yourself and relax into est thing in the world. But you dont reality rather than a tense wearing of a need it. Therapy can do it. A great mask it takes time. Give yourself time. mens group can do it. An amazing Have compassion on yourself. Youve friend or girlfriend can help you do it. been protecting your shadow for decades. Itll take some time to coax it out of the And theoretically, you can do it your darkness.
Theres a light side of dating freedom and experience and sensuality. But for a lot of people, there is also a dark side where you might suffer from isolation and alienation and sexual frustration. Its not unusual. Seeing couples or hearing about some Casanovas exploits might make you feel more like a loser or an outsider.
feelings is that you can grow an angry shadow self through bitterness or disappointment as you carry more and more negativity, grumbling that there are no good women out there, that women are bitches etc. These are your growth moments. It is essential not to blame anyone else for your situation. It is important to take then frustrated energy and turn it into learning and action as by reading this newsletter (as many times as it takes to ingrain it into your soul!) and by taking action with women, as described above.
Guys end up hating women for having so much power over them. A lot of men feel banished from pleasure -- which leads to rage. Or shame. So there is this whole other category of shadow. The one most people talk about is the one you create in childhood but the other And, throughout the process, to think comes from dissatisfaction as an adult. of yourself as an evolving being, compassionate and forgiving to yourself. The danger of these negative self- Were all learning, all the time.
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As boys and young men (and mature men!) -- we are told in a thousand ways that the tender side of us is bad or dangerous as something to be ashamed of. This is because the shadow side of the masculine war and violence and ecodestruction is still rampantly part of our reality. It is the shadow masculine run riot. your masculine whether its purposefulness (read The Way of The Superior Man, by Deida) or Protective Kingship (read my program at www.AgelessAtttraction.com) or any of the other core qualities of the masculine.
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And it is equally important to cultivate your tender, or feminine side. The problem is, that, in our masculine culOn one level, we are ALL ashamed of ture, men are taught to be ashamed of this shadow side of our manhood, or that tender side even though women even of our human species. are desperate to find men who have it (but are not dominated by it). It is why it is so important for you to get a grip on the most positive aspects of Welcoming your shadow often means
allowing your conventional feminine qualities -- nurturing, vulnerable, and caretaking qualities without devaluing them at all. This is essential because when you devalue them in yourself, you often (subconsciously as well as consciously) devalue them in women. Which means after a few years at most, you will demean your woman for not being aggressive, competitive or productive enough. Which, Im sure you know, are not the qualities they most love in themselves, on the whole. So its a losing game.
How To Lead Your Relationship You Do Always Get What You Want Tools For A Happy Relationship Five Shortcuts To Leading Her Into Relationship Success
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You have decided to take the extra step to step up your personal skills to become a powerful success in dating no matter what your goal. What does it take to be a success in anything? If you have any experience in advertising and marketing or project management, you know that success takes three qualities:
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You dont need to learn these things because I guarantee you, you are doing them already!
And, as I say over and over, when you stop doing these things, your whole life will begin to change. As you integrate the principles and techniques in this system into your life, you will become the kind of man and establish the kind of empowered interactions with women, that will lay the foundations for booty call, fling or long lasting relationship whichever is your goal.
The DAO Bonus Just as this book will show you how to immediately excite and intrigue women on the web, the habits you are about to master will help you CONTINUe to excite and intrigue them for as long as you want to be in a relationship.
Thats why I often say, this manual will teach you how to get women off the net and into your bed for a night, or for a lifetime. Bed or wed or anywhere in between. That part is up to you. Ready? Lets go This workbook is on the necessary pre-game to make your Deep Attraction Online system work seamlessly and consistently. Because this Deep Attraction Online pregame workbook is all about being ready for the game just like any pro athlete prepares for the game of his life. Because this game is your life. Take the time and do the exercises carefully with thought and passion. The answers you come up with here will save you hours of thinking and doubting later when you start talking with all the women online who will find themselves turned on by your new DeeP ATTRACTION ONlINe High Attractor Status. So take it slow. Do it right. And play hard.
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Chapter One: Mastering Your Attractors Means Standing in your Confidence 1.1 Confidence is Where You Win The Game
Youve probably read it a 100 times. The battle is either won or lost before it begins. Thats Sun Tzu the brilliant, ancient military strategist. Youve learned it from the best sports coaches the game is won or lost before it begins. From outstanding athletes, attorneys, political candidates - mental preparation and a commitment of the spirit to victory before the game, the trial, or the election, will often determine victory. You are entering an arena right now just as real as a boxing ring, a tennis court, a courtroom, a job interview. Your playing partner may not in the same room as you, but she is in your arena. And you need the same mental preparation that an athlete needs to triumph in any arena. Now its time to make an important mental shift. Are you ready? There is a competition going on in this arena, yes. But you are not competing against women to beat them by getting them into bed. The competition is within you. It is to see if you defeat, or let go of your lesser self, and craft your best self by first mastering the signifiers with which you represent yourself.
DAO Definition: Signifier - a packet of information that conveys meaning. Could be a photo, language, body language, clothing, hair, etc. think of every element of yourself, your speech, your choice of words, your body, clothes, car, body language as signifiers. What is each conveying?
The women at the other end of the fiber optic cable are not enemies to conquered, but your allies in mutual joy and exploration. Please, drop the idea of conquest. In this game, both you win and she wins if you play at the top of your game. Women want you to be an awesome, attentive, strong guy. Offer her that, and victory is both of yours.
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Already you are getting a taste of some of the most important Attractor Secrets of the Deep Attraction Online System: Contrast heightens excitement. Strength is the essential context of vulnerability Potentiality and expansiveness is sexy The unknown is sexy We will explore these attractor secrets throughout this manual and see them at work. But start to let them percolate in your mind now. Start thinking about your profile, your photos, how you interact in IMs and emails on your online dating site. Do you project electric contrasts? Do you establish the context of strength? Do you create a sense of mystery and discovery? Do you promise to be thrilling in a way she cant put her finger on? If not, dont worry. You will. Thats why were both here. Just start mulling these questions. Start jotting down ways you can accomplish these things. We will get to them all and show you great examples of how to make these Attractor Secrets work for you you as a unique individual.
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Have you ever seen that little kids picture book called, Everybody Poops. Well, guess what? Everybody does, and everybodys stinks. Youre no better or worse than any other guy, and every women you see online is no better, on this level, than every other girl. Its like that scene in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, where they hide out in the dorm toilets and the two beautiful babes come in with a case of the taco shits. If you havent seen the movie, its hilarious. That scene is a lesson in life for all boys: stop idolizing women! Despite what that other duo, Wayne and Garth, preach, you are worthy. Lets take this jumping off point of confidence from another system of information. Public speaking. Do you know that public speaking is rated by people as their top fear alongside death? Death! Do you also know what the classic and effective piece of advice is for beginning, nervous public speakers? Picture your audience in their underwear. Dude, they get the Taco Shits, too. The truth is that everybodys got his or her good points and bad points. I was in a relationship with a woman who harped on my bad points constantly. From my creativity (exhausting) to the very shape of my hands - which are fine by the way - but I allowed myself to believe her. Now, Im certain there have been people in your life who pointed out your bad points. It may have been a parent, sibling, or a girlfriend. Insecure people and people with agendas for you will do that. They will tear you down. Were going to break with that heritage now, clean out some old trash so that we can enter this arena primed and at our strongest.
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I know a great guy who puts himself down constantly. He cant score a woman. Do you wonder why? Let me give you a hint Compare these actual profiles I pulled off the web: Self Denigration: My name is Jonathan a.k.a. Mr. Lonely I am far from perfect. Im a little stubborn and most definitely shy, at first. My expectations are insanely reasonable. In a nutshell, Id like to date a red-blooded human being. What kind of woman sees herself as a consolation prize, someone who at least has red blood? What woman is going to write to this guy? Heres another I love music, but I cant dance. So if you ever see me trying to dance - run like hell. (Or just laugh... everyone else does) Great someone who doesnt know how to move his body which portends that hes bad in bed, someone who others laugh at. I love to cook. Hate to clean. Id love to find a girl who can speak her mind, have a good time regardless of the atmosphere, and most importantly - deal with me. Great hes filthy and the woman reading his profile gets to look forward to having to deal with him. Compare the hundred thousand profiles that say they dont mind holding doors or pulling out chairs. Why would a woman want this guy? I cannot really evaluate myself...I know what I want from life, and it depends on the next two years if I get it or not. So if you can accept that I hope that I will hear from you. A man who is NOT in control of his life, hanging by a thread, dependent on the decisions of other men, not an Alpha Male in any way but an Omega Male (thats last in line.) Who lives, as he says, by hope that hell make a living and that hell hear from a woman. I work as a financial analyst at a university. I like my job but it is not life fulfilling Thats his opening! Who would read past that? I will discuss later in the Deep Attraction Online System, never say what your job is unless its incredibly sexy fireman, surgeon, movie star. Communicate what you give to others on the job if anything. Let her fill her imagination with your personal qualities your compassion, or professionalism or competence but not with your resume! But beyond that dont say your job isnt fulfilling. Women want to date up not only financially, thats just a myth. They want excitement, passion, art, devotion, and manliness all kinds of things. They want to go on a ride with a man who is fulfilled and seeking greater fulfillment. Was that little ride as depressing for you as it was for me? Heres some balm for your wounds, some profiles that exude confidence and, thus, are alluring for women
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What I like about this one is that its not bragging! And it offers the personal qualities I was just talking about hes the kind of ride a woman wants to take hes optimistic, motivated (not dependent) perceptive and steady-going. Hes not rattled. Hes the captain of his own ship, basically, upbeat and likeable. This isnt a stand out DAO profile, but most women would give him a decent look if he contacted them. People with check lists searching for Middle class comforts and striving after the American dream need not apply. If you want to grow spiritually and creatively then you are the kind of person I want to be around. This guy knows himself and thats attractive. He sets boundaries on what he will put up with and thats attractive. He uses my favorite if word, which challenges women up and makes you, the man, the judge rather than the judged, and he promises a life of greater spirituality and creativity which is an interesting ride. Certainly better than Mr. Unfulfilled up above. My goal is to live life as intensely, richly, and purposefully as possible. What I like about this one is that it opens strongly this sounds, again, like a guy who is control of his life. He has goals, not wishes, and is passionate. Do you see the difference? Of course you do. But can you Feel the difference? Can you feel how one set of profiles is sexy and intriguing and magnetic and attractive? If you can feel it just a little, know that women can feel it 100x more powerfully than you can because they are wired to sense strength in a man. Why? Because that is how they are wired to survive. Lets take a step back, both conceptually and in time What is attraction? Its not mental. Its not conscious. It is a deep evolutionary biological need to find a strong mate. I dont mean muscular, though that is often an attractive trait. But by strong, I mean a mate that in her subconscious mind she can trust to provide good genes for healthy, attractive children who will be likely to mate well in the future. This is called the theory of the Selfish Gene as perfectly explained by science writer, Richard Dawkins. How does this apply to mere online dating? You must electrify her with strength in this case: strength of wit, strength of character because that is all she can see without being able to read your physical presence. Dawkins has a second fascinating theory about attraction in the human species - that one of the prime Strength Attractors is not musculature but intelligence. This he says explains the explosive and unparalleled growth of the human cerebral functions. Throughout human evolutionary history good female brains sought good male brains to mate with since good brains make for excellent survival tools. How can you be a magnet for attraction? Project the kind of strength described above. Even if you are not going to make babies together, she will be subconsciously, irresistibly, powerfully, attracted to you if you embody and project robustness of health, confidence, brains what adds up to what I call survival smarts or survival competence or the survival edge. This kind of strength creates trust. It is a kind of feral animal security that she needs to sense in you to be intrigued and attracted to you. Its why women love firemen. There is a competence, a confidence and a projection, real or not, that this male of the species can help her survive and pass on her seed in a safe, promising way. Firemen have that edge. So do rock stars a power, an edge over the average male.
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But you already have elements of your personality and lifestyle that project survival competence and the survival edge. Here are some important questions: What are your Survival Competencies, or Survival Attractors? Are you handy? Are you physically strong? In what ways are you intelligent? In what ways do you attract men as friends and colleagues around you? How are you part of a larger survival competence group? Do you handle problems with humor? Are you kind to children and old people? Do you get along well with your family? Women are attracted to guys who: Are smart Are funny Are capable Are casually confident Are respected and liked by their peers You are about to learn how to project how you are these things. Throughout this Workbook, you will be asked to do some Instant Homework. This isnt high school and the grades arent meaningless, so dont blow it off! If you do your preparation here, you will save hundreds of hours when you operate online. And you will have done the prep-work to make your game flow smoothly, powerfully, honestly, confidently and effectively!
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DAO Instant Homework Your Strength Grid In this space below jot down every strength you have. Dont hold back. Let your pen lead you. Do not stop in the middle do not doubt yourself or hesitate - let it all pour out of your unconscious mind. No ones looking so be crazy, be bold, be confident, just every single damn strength you have that comes to mind. Go! STReNGTH GRID Physical arms, legs, chest, stamina? emotional - for example, think of a time you were strong in face of adversity. Social friends, groups, clubs? Intellectual passions, expertise, mentoring abilities, accomplishments? Playful humor, games, ways youve rolled with hard times, something you do with kids? Family something concrete you did for mom, dad, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, your own kids? In the House what can you fix? Do you have style? In the Outdoors can you build, climb, run, pilot, sail, hike?
Good. There. Are you impressed with yourself? Youre just being honest and straightforward and clear-sighted. Dont gloat, but dont be hard on yourself either. Look at your list of strengths. Now circle any of them that you might imagine would prove magnetic to women online. Take your top three magnetizers and be sure to include them either as keywords or suggestors in your profile. How? By finding a physical image or detail or descriptive scene that suggests these strengths. Lets take a detour here, get a taste of the kind of techniques that you will find in the Deep Attraction Online System, outlined in the main book. Youll be seeing lots of these rewrites and reframes.
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We will talk a lot about suggesting rather than blatantly stating strengths throughout this manual. For example, you never want to say, I am a great driver and I enjoy driving. Boring. Bragging. Blah. Youve created no intrigue. But if you say: Few things turn me on more than feeling the curves of the road as I head into the mountains with someone special for a weekend getaway. Bam! Huge difference: one is a blatant statement, dead-end. It goes nowhere, suggests nothing, and has no energy to it. It excites nothing in the female confidence-seeking and Survival Attractor-seeking woman. By changing my presentation of the same bit of data into DAO Language, what did I do? I suggested that Im a great driver not because I freakin bragged about it, but because I feel the road. And I didnt say I feel the road, I described myself in the action of doing it. Way sexier. And, by the way, I also Painted a fantasy for her into which she has now projected herself. Installed sexual language without talking about sex overtly (turn me on, feeling, curves) I have suggested to her subconscious that she could be someone special. Now shes thinking is she good enough to be someone special? I let her know that Im someone who sensually feels life. I have given her a picture of my competence in which she fills in the blanks and details. Clearly Ive taken this trip often with others. I have projected a happy, healthy, assertive spirit someone who she would like to go on a ride with. These are Survival Attractors, one and all defined as signifiers that draw her irresistibly and subconsciously toward your strength. Embrace your strengths with an ease and grace. Sure, you can be a dorky guy and trumpet them which is what guys do to impress guys. But
DAO Axiom You will excite her imagination and make her want to meet you in the flesh - if you suggest your survival strengths in a powerful, sensual, indirect way.
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The flip side of the above point is never NeVeR project Survival Weaknesses. Do it in your profile, youre dead in the water. Do it in your emails, youre dead in the water. Do it in relationship? Thats right, deceased in H20. Look, weve all been beaten up by life. Like Ive told you, I was with a woman who criticized me every day. By the time I found my balls and got out I was so beat up, I thought I was ugly, stupid and a failure. I honestly didnt think anyone would ever want to go out with me. I thought this until I had crazy animal sex with about 20 girls in three months, almost all of whom I met online. That made me feel better. It helped me get my head on straight again, and cleared out the bad feelings so I could start my life anew. I honestly want to save you from absorbing the denigration that others have foisted on you. waste of life, and when women smell it on you, it sends them running in the other direction. This is where the beating up stops for you. Here. Now. Make this promise to yourself: Its a waste of time, a
Self-denigration is charming if youre Hugh Grant or Brad Pitt. Its fine once you have established your authority and masculinity in person. But it does not belong in your profile at all.
DAO Instant Homework If you already have a profile, you will go back and remove any sign or suggestion that you possess anything less than a pristine set of Survival Attractors. When? Right now!
Take out any words that are qualifiers: little small kind of sort of hope to.
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You no longer hope, my friend, you plan. You inspire. You commit. You accomplish. You do. You are not a hoper. You are a doer. Here are good words to use, in their various forms: -Optimistic -Go-getter -entrepreneurial -Motivated -Kind -Protective -loyal -Honest -Steady -Confident Hoping and dependency is for castaways and junior high girls. Furthermore, never, ever diminish your message. Never say. You may not like my profile but Or, I may not be your type but Be forthright. Be positive. Be optimistic about your future. Be direct. You are creating a context of strength in your profile. You are establishing that you are the lion, not the sick, toothless pussy. Cat, that is. Later, when you start interacting with a woman, you can offer alluring vulnerabilities, but not up front. DAO Axiom Without the context of strength, vulnerability is weakness. Excuse me, may I repeat that please? Do I have to tattoo it on your male member? Without the context of strength, vulnerability is weakness!
Now, of course, you have to go deeper here In order to cut out self-denigration in your profile (and as you work it, you must do this in the speech of your daily life), you have to forgive your foibles. How, you ask? Well, like the ads say, Just do it! First, get perspective. As weve said, no ones perfect. Remember, even Jessica Alba gets the taco shits Wait. Gimme a minute. I just want to stay with that picture a moment Okay. Im ready now. Internalizing criticism of yourself is just buying into someone elses insecurity-driven need to foist negativity upon you. Throw it off!
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You can NOT begin your process of intriguing women by diminishing yourself or diminishing your Survival Attractors. And there is only one way to be comfortable and confident in projecting your Survival Attractors in an intriguing, relaxed, natural way: DAO AXIOM To be magnetic, you must eliminate the need for approval.
This is a hard road, but it can be taken. In fact, it must be taken. It comes eventually with age, but you can start now. A big help on seeing how this works, and works for you, comes in the next section, Ground Yourself in Process. That section will help you escape the complexities of your ego and step into the success path of step-by-step progress. It is where we apply the lessons of project management to the self. We kind of depersonalizing the process, making it work like a machine -- a machine dedicated to your success. For now, in order to construct your magnetic profile, begin self-talking and outer-talking only in ways that support your Survival Attractors. Get clear about your Survival Attractors Assert them in a suggestive, sensual, relaxed way. Do not diminish them (sort of, kind of, a little, sometimes) Place them in the context of a fun life you are already leading and which they can see themselves joining. Be ruthless in committing to these practices. If you make a mistake and project the sick dog with a rushed returned IM, note the fact that youve done it, and move on. You wont do it next time.
The Deep Attraction Online System trains you to be yourself, but your best self. Your most alluring self. The part of you that attracts women. Do you know what happens to guys who masturbate with ideas like Im an idiot and Im okay but not good enough? They become what their self-talk tells them. Assert your positive truthsStarting now.
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1.4 Visualize
Now that weve thrown out the bad and listed all those things good and attractive about you, were gonna notch it up. Are you ready to take a step forward in your life. Good. Then be coachable here Forget about your attachments to your opinions for a moment. Frankly, I dont care about your opinions and neither should you. They are just old, stale ideas you are carrying around. F*ck em. Far more useful: DAO Master Question Which of your positive opinions about you serve you best and can make you more magnetic? Lets trust your friends and old girlfriends for the good they saw and see in you. Write down everything theyve ever complimented you on. And please, dont be falsely humble or falsely vain. Just straight up, write down what they said DAO Instant Homework Your Resource list Three Positive Physical Attributes: 1. 2. 3. Three Positive emotional Attributes: 1. 2. 3. Three Positive Talents: 1. 2. 3. Three Other Things Women Have loved About You (be specific) 1. 2. 3. Write down the Funniest things youve said or done. 1. 2. 3. Write down the kindest things youve ever said and done. 1. 2. 3. Write down three of the Most Inspiring Goals You Have 1. 2. 3.
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I am about to introduce you to a Deep Attraction Online Uber Axiom. What is that? That is an Axiom that encompasses all the other Axioms. It is something you should really pay extra close attention to, if you want to succeed in alluring women from, well, lets just say, from the net to your bed DAO Uber-Axiom The Road To Mastery begins by embracing the part of you that already IS powerful. One of the ways you will start to embrace the part of you that is already strong is to change the language patterns you use. Hang in with me - The DAO System will teach you exactly how to do that. Unlike some of the cheesy pick-up guides out there, Deep Attraction Online is not about manipulation The Deep Attraction Online System is about being in the power of who you really are, but focusing on the best part of who you really are, and conveying that best part with the most power, passion and intrigue that is linguistically possible! Read over all that list of powerful things that you already are. Now were going to take another huge step forward We are going to visualize the way you wish to be perceived by women: Again, drop the B.S. Dont be shy. Dont be modest. Be authentic. Be straight forward. Be a man. Phil Jackson writes My first act after being named head coach of the Bulls was to formulate a vision for the team. I had learned from the Lakota and my own experience as a coach that vision is the source of leadership, the expansive dream state where everything is creating a vivid picture in my mind of what the team could become. You are about to create a vision of everything you can become. Your own personal expansive dream state. Because DAO Axiom If you can visualize it, you can internalize it. If you can internalize it you can become it! If you can internalize it, women, those bloodhounds of male potency, will sniff it out. They will feel it. Right down to their bones! Which you then get to jump.
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look again at all those positive, ReAl attributes you already possess. Review them for a slow moment. Sit with them a long moment. I want you relax and consider something You can be perceived as the sum of your attractors. You can be perceived as more than the sum of your attractors. Because you ARe more than the sum of your attractors. Allow yourself to enter this possibility That so much more than you dreamed of is possible That you are capable of so much more than youve already done. That the past is just a dream, an illusion. Its gone. All the limits, gone. All the mistakes gone! Its now all transformed into valuable lessons. DAO Brand New Axiom If you dont embarrass yourself everyday at least once, you are not growing, or learning or risking or alive! So embarrass yourself. Enjoy it. Learn and move on. Learn, integrate and look only into your future What do you want it to be? You are cleansed of worry and doubt because you are a positive, attractive, outstanding person I want you to picture yourself as exactly the magnetic man you truly, deeply desire to be Now I want you to picture a beautiful woman, exactly the kind of woman you would like to take home and set down on your bed sheets. I want you to see the curve of her lips, smell the softness of her shoulders, and sense the moisture of her hips. I want you to see the way her hair moves. I want you to inhale that gentle perfume of her hair, the nape of her neck, the warmth between her legs. I want you to see the way she is gazing at you. The intrigue, the affection, the desire to know more I want you to see her admiring you. Listening to you. I want you to feel her slipping her arm in yours. Stay with this picture a while. What are you saying to her? What is she hearing from you? Who are you here? What is your demeanor like? How are you feeling in this visualization? Stay with this feeling, because DAO Uber-Axiom Your visualized best possible self is the feeling you need to access when you sit down and enter the online dating arena.
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Only when you are in touch with this pre-visualized, alluring, magnetic man only then should you open your emails. Take that moment before you begin each time. Give this to yourself! She will feel the difference! Come at the computer full of the confidence of your best self and it will be felt at the other end of the connection. Hard.
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The truth is that, no matter what you think of yourself, you are not reducible to a geek, jock, loser, winner, artist, numbers guy etc. You are all of these things. And you are more. And you must convey a sense that you are even more than that! But remember, a thing, even a lot of things will not electrify a woman. Will not intrigue her. You are always expanding in her imagination because you are in motion: DAO Axiom You are not a noun, but a verb. Being a verb is exciting. It is in action. It conveys a charged sense of possibility. You are, beneath the labels, a complex and CHANGING human being. If you can stay close to this truth, you will stay close to your power. When you stay close to this truth, you will not only feel your own power, you will project it. Women LOVE to be led, no matter what they say. They love to be surprised. Women are biologically drawn to power not force, mind you, but potential. Are you conveying that you are full of surprise? Energy? Potency?
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-You honed in on the positive things about yourself that you know and that those who really know you, know. -Then you visualized your best self. -You visualized your most expansive self. -You visualized how your ideal woman would respond to your best self. Stay with that! Now you are in the ideal place to begin speaking with high quality women searching for high quality, electric men! Demand your worth both from yourself and from others. You have derailed her ability to pigeonhole you by suggesting a sense of potential, and by breaking categories through electrifying contrast. So before you do anything else go back and look at your profile: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Have you communicated your limitations? Have you projected that you are powerful, dynamic, capable? Have you inserted yourself in her imagination as a noun or a verb? Do you come off like a thing? A job? A collection of labels. A hodgepodge of labels? Or do you come off as someone who is passionate and full of life? Do you come off like someone who is clearly much more than his interests and accomplishments. DAO Axiom You must be not a thing but a PROCeSS which she finds exciting to imagine herself joining. Take the time. Its worth everything. Now that you are in this state, I am now going to ask you to write a draft of your profile. If you already have one online, forget about it for now. Open a new page, a new file, and using what you just learned Deep Attraction Online Instant Homework Write a draft of your profile now! Dont move to this next section until youve rewritten your profile conveying your survival attractors. Youll just be cheating yourself. Now, for the second necessary element of your pre-game prep. To master the process as process
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If youre not big enough to lose, youre not big enough to win - Walter Reuther
Commitment Okay, guys, so now, as you begin with confidence, you are going to enter a process that by its very nature will not only increase your DAO success ratio but also will increase your confidence the more you do it. Because this is the system that makes champions. Literally. Dont take it from me. Lets go back to my man, Chicago Bulls and L.A. Lakers Champion Coach Phil Jackson, who writes in Sacred Hoops, In basketball, true joy comes from being fully present in each and every moment, not just when things are going your way. Of course, its no accident that things are more likely to go your way when you stop worrying about whether youre going to win or lose and focus our full attention on whats happening right at this moment. Being in the game. Being in the moment. Being free of the mistakes and victories of the past. Free of anxiety about the future. Just right now. You and the girl on the screen. Nothing but possibility. Every time you sit down in front of your computer and fire up your dating site, you are stepping into an arena. And youre either in to play and pray or play to win. To play to win, you must be committed.
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Being committed means having the deep confidence that you will make mistakes - and then you will learn from them. DAO Axiom love Your Mistakes! Your mistakes are your tuition toward mastery. Welcome those payments, for they are invaluable.
Being committed means that you are acting intelligently in a grounded, step-by-step systematic way that doesnt project neediness and is not swayed by desire. There is a relentless, ego-less automation to this that you must embrace. As Aristotle reminds us, excellence is a habit. From Zen Master Phil: Right action is the capacity to observe whats happening and act appropriately, without being distracted by self- centered thoughts. Or if you dont want to get so fancy, think of how you play Halo2, or any videogame. You ascend though levels. You die. You are reborn. You learn. You experiment. You dont get all depressed when your Avatar is blown away. Online, thats all that is happening when you fail. Your online avatar is blown away. You, in your home, in your life, are fine. You are just there, learning, growing, mastering. I love turning my computer on to see whos written me. I love the challenge of writing to and responding to beautiful women online. Why? Because I have cleansed myself of neediness so I approach online dating with utter confidence. Because I have done my homework and know how to read womens profiles for hot words and how to be a penetrating mirror (see below). Because I know I will do my homework and apply the DAO Guiding Principles and Techniques when they are appropriate, when they are called for in a rational, measured, smart way. Because, always in the flow of mastering the process, I am at home in my most powerful self. Because I approach the computer with a kind of selfless detachment, a kind of keen alertness, and a committed respect for the DAO System which works! As you read this manual and do the exercises, you may begin to feel very heady, like you are accessing a whole new set of powers. Thats okay, because it will be true. There is a lot of knowledge here, compressed from a lot of fields of expertise from business leadership and psychology, from evolutionary biology and dramatic writing, from semiotics and direct marketing.
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Staying centered in the DAO system is how you will keep your game steady. By understanding, integrating and following this clearly defined set of principles that will move you toward your goal magnetizing awesome women off the web into your arms. To move without fear or desire this will depersonalize your process. If you make a mistake and, again, let me stress this - you will make mistakes! you just learn, then correct course. It aint personal. You adjust, you improve, and you master your approach. Woman by woman. Email by email. Day by day. Week by week. This is a winning system. It works. How can you make it work for you? Zen master Phil writes that the key to learning a winning system is a repetitive series of drills that train the players, on an experiential level as well as an intellectual onedrills resemble Zen practice Success comes with repetitive drills. Over and over and over again. Skills take time to master. They take repetition. They take depersonalization. They take commitment to the system. Vince Lombardi used to make his team stand behind a line and say, God has ordained me to teach you young men about football today. I want all those who want that training to step across that line. I cant see you. I cant hear you. But I can tell you I am asking you that if you want to get the most out of this training, step across that line. Say to yourself that you are here to win. You are here to become an irresistible attractor to women. The knowledge is here for you. The choice to commit is yours. And yours alone. And heres the bonus the very practice of committing this is an Attractor Attribute, the very kind of characteristic that allures women irresistibly. They are drawn to discipline and I guarantee you
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And come toward you. Off the screen. Into your life.
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So that when you come to enter the arena (i.e. post your profile, write to women) you will be playing to win. You will be committed to winning - not merely trying to get lucky or what I call the chance game of playing and praying. So know that you will fail. Get used to that right now. You will try all the Quick Start Stand Out Techniques in the accompanying Manual. You will try to tease, or to teach, or be intuitive or the be ballsy and funny. It wont work every time, but it will work often. Regardless, you stay committed to the practice and get better and better as you progress. Defeat should never be a source of discouragement, but rather a fresh stimulus. - Robert South.
Chapter Three: Mastery Means You Dont Sell; You Become an Irresistible Brand 3.1 Stop Advertising
This is such a key idea that if you dont know it already, you will slap yourself on the side of the head and say, how the f*** have I lived this long and not realized this!? The first rule here is: DAO AXIOM If youre selling yourself, youre selling yourself short. Women secretly hate it when you sell yourself, when you list your attributes. They sense weakness in the song and dance. Hi, I am a really great guy. A diamond in the rough! One of a kind. I can do a hundred push-ups. I dress really well! I drive a BMW. I am kind and sensitive and manly! Women may act like they are flattered when men dance for them like this. But what they like is the temporary power such flattery makes them feel. The kind of power that vanishes the second the interaction is over because now they are left empty except for the feeling that you are dorky. They liked the feeling for a moment, but it leaves them feeling no connection at all, no sense of the man behind the show. Please take a minute and read twenty other guys ads. If you want to stand out, you have to not blend in. That means, just listing your attributes the way you would maybe to another guy is not going to get you anywhere. The buy-me, adpoints that clutter most guys profiles blur one into the next. First off, suddenly you are a car salesman or a vacuum salesman. Is that how you want her to perceive you? As a carnie? A sidewalk hawker? Are those powerful, attractive models of manhood?
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-Facts are boring to women, they want feeling. -Facts are bare, they are not contextualized into a story of who you are. Stories, visions are compelling and exciting! -Facts are a writing no-no they are said, not shown. You must SHOW, or demonstrate your attributes by what you write, how you write. You must not blabber about how great you are. -Facts are unsubstantiated. Theres no back up. No testimonials. Why should she believe you? Think about this Can you imagine an infomercial where someone like Tony Robbins gets up for 30 minutes and just says how freakin fantastic he is?! How annoying and non-convincing would that be? Now throw in Nelson Mandela and movie producers and CEOs of Fortune 500 Companies interspersed in this commercial and now you have powerful selling. Because Tony, in the mind of the viewer, isnt selling himself. DAO Axiom Dont sell yourself! Simply Become The Desirable Brand. Or, as the genius internet marketer Alex Mandossian says, Educate Overtly; Sell Covertly. Get away from the self-advertising model in every way you can. If you are advertising yourself, you are asking her to take the action and purchase you. You are giving her the power of choice, where in order to create magnetic attraction, you must retain the position of power of choice. You want her needing to advertise herself to attract you. One of my most successful profiles opened like this. Im no cubicle guy and you are no cubicle girl. It didnt say If you want someone who lives out of the box, I just might be Mr. Right! Im not selling myself, Im stating exactly who I am and stating maybe you might be good enough for me. In other words, Im establishing the frame of our conversation from a position of no- neediness. DAO Instant Homework If you already have a profile, identify every time you are selling yourself and change those begging moments into statements that are Frame establishers.
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3.2 And Start Innovating: Becoming More Than the Sum of Your Parts
Now, lets take this one step deeper, and well get there by making sure you know the key difference between advertising and innovating to create attraction. And for this, I owe the concept to the business writer, SETH GODIN Seth Godin has written several excellent business books, most famously, The Purple Cow. That ones about creating a product that stands out. If you create a product that stands out, you dont have to pitch it, hawk it and bother people about it. They will come to you. The iPod. The new VW bug. Google. So when I say start innovating, I mean change your product which is you. Heres DAO Challenge How can you redesign yourself to become a standout brand or product? Good question, Grant. Im glad you asked. Lets approach the answser as coldly and clearly as any Marketing Director would, by asking the key question: What is your target market? Two Key Marketing Facts That Make Millions for Smart entrepreneurs Can Help You Gain Something equally Valuable - the Women You Dream Of: 1. Only a fool creates a product and casts around for a market. 2. The brilliant marketers find the market need first - and then meet it.
Heres what you need to know: If youll take any and all kinds of women, then you can skip this section. If you are after a specific type of woman, you must use key signifiers, key attractor signals, as part of your brand package. According to a very highly placed friend of mine in the corporate marketing arena in New York, there are 4 basic female types: Fire, Ice, Light, Earth, If you are targeting one of these markets, you must speak in the language that mirrors their sense of self worth. Fire shes passionate, emotional, confident, brash. Shell bust your balls, in both a fun and challenging way. If you want to play with fire, you must BE a brighter fire! You must outmaneuver her, change topics, be bolder than she is, more aggressive. If she starts the sexual innuendo, you MUST notch it up! If shes a candle, youre a hearth. If shes a hearth, youre a bonfire! If shes a bonfire, youre a freakin wildfire! Ice shes intellectual, reserved, analytical. She is going to study every nuance of your emails and profile. Why dont you mention your income? Why do you include 25-30 in what youre looking for if you are over 35?
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If you want to slide on ice, you must wear your spikes whenever you go out to play. That means you have to PREPARE. Your own site has to be sharp. The details have to be precise. She is going to study every word, so be prepared to discuss every word of it. Only, heres the trick never defend what you say. Rather use each aspect of your profile as an opportunity to tell a funny story, to expand outward from the testing questions she will ask. Now, if you contact Ice, you have to know her profile inside out and backwards. You have to be as analytical of her as she is of you. Casually showcase your acuity up front. If you can move her attention back to her, the sooner she will stop examining you and start FeelING you. If you want Ice, you must be prepared to answer her questions, then shift the topic to her, then get her into her positive feeling and imagining states (see below, for example, take her imagination on an exotic vacation, speak to her emotions, ask her to describe a time when she felt at peace, or fulfilled every detail of it. ) Her testing process will be particularly rigorous and intellectualized. You must answer swiftly and satisfactorily otherwise she wont trust you. But dont answer for long. Help her escape her analytical mind and she will be subconsciously grateful and settle into her soft femininity. Which is where you want her to be! light - shes sweet, loving, kind, good, idealistic. If you want to bathe in light, this ones easy. Be sure to convey how much you love your parents and children and animals and your friends. Be positive and optimistic about people. See the best in people and never make fun of them. Thats the bottom line. This is how you reflect her well-developed moral sense. Now, how to you magnetize her? Be a powerful leader toward the good and she will look up to you! What do I mean? Well, its one thing to work in a soup kitchen and she might approve of you for that, but better if you put together a big brothers club. Or if you BUILT that soup kitchen on your own initiative. In other words, women who are Light will be sexually aroused and sexually attracted to men who will clearly leAD them further into the light. If you can describe such an experience, or imagine one in your profile as a goal, you will capture her imagination. earth she does yoga. Eats nuts and berries, probably has a big dog. Again, easy. If you want to dig into the warm, moist earth, you have to be a more powerful force of nature than she is. If she likes to hike, you like to run. If she likes bike rides, you like mountain biking. If she likes to camp, you like to wilderness camp. In other words, you are the FORCe OF NATURe that she is seeking. You must convey that you possess the physicality, the wildness, the independence and the passion that she is seeking from her hikes and big dog. When you write her, describe a favorite moment in the mountains, or a time when you reached peak exhaustion or peak performance and the exhilaration you felt then. Bring her into your feral exhilaration! This is how you welcome her into your world that is even more physical and more exciting than hers. Do you see how it works? Most people talk about establishing commonality. At DAO we know how to take the next step - leading. If you can find commonality and then promise an expansion of what she values, you will attract women. Simple. DAO AXIOM Whatever a woman most values about her self-conception, She will want you to exceed with a masculine flavor. If she loves little children, you love galloping with them on your shoulders. If she loves her mother, you describe how you put in a garage door opener for your mom as a surprise and how happy she was.
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If she likes hiking in the hills, you like to climb mountains because of that feeling when you get to the peak, and you feel the wind and your blood pounding and your skin tingling and you feel so alive! Dont feel masculine enough right now but want an adventurous woman? Then go skydiving and casually mention it! You wont die, probably, and adding that to your profile might be just the colorful fly that draws the trout. Dont feel earthy at the moment but want an earthy woman? Take a yoga class and now you can say that you enjoy yoga (or at least the first part of class). Describe a feeling you had in Yoga class, a position, or something funny about your experience. Just dont say you suck! DAO MARKeTING AXIOM Know your market. Change your product. Improve your product. That is, add features to your product. Improve yourself! How are you going to have an electrifying effect on a woman on the other side of the computer screen? You have to set off little depth charges that she feels as well as consciously recognizes. That means you have to possess the depth charges. Get out and do. Get out and learn. Break your patterns. The more genuinely excited you feel about yourself -- she will sense it! -- and the more excited she will be about you. Remember she will feel what is true about you! You risk becoming a parody of yourself by not innovating - Keith Olbermann, Sportscaster. Heres a huge concept: destroy what you thought you were! Beware the lethargy of old habits. The greatest enemy of being in a pool of thousands of internet men is being bored, being boring! Listen to that crazy old master, Neil Young: Im someone whos always tried systematically to destroy the very basis of my record-buying public. Thats what keeps me alive. You destroy what you did before and youre free to carry on. Did you hear that? Free! Women want to hear that you are free. That you are exciting. That you are growing and changing and that you are the master of your own personal destiny. That means whatever your job is, if you have kids or not, doesnt matter! You are master of your own destiny in the way you face the tasks of your every day! You are a walking series of explosive charges charges that will explode in her imagination. Which means your profile shimmers with the possibility that you will rock her world. Because you are rocking your own. If youre not rocking your own world, why do you think she should be attracted to you? She might settle for you, but how sexy is that? How turned on is she going to be?
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If you are in this dynamic state, you wouldnt you couldnt write one of those million boring profiles where you just list your attributes. As exciting as a car ad. Instead, the charged-up man will construct a charged up profile, one packed with suggestions (explosive depth charges can you hear them just beginning to go off?) of intriguing, expanding, fun possibilities that excite her imagination. That make her see your possibilities and suggest to her that you are that dream guy who can see past all the outer shells and appreciate her inner princess, genius, goddess, adventurer, lover whichever fantasy moves her most. DAO AXIOM To stand out, your profile must leap off the page and into her imagination you must become explosive in her mind you must Feel like more than the sum of your parts which will powerfully attract any woman!
Heres the useful analogy: Have you ever seen a large building being demolished? Explosive charges are strategically placed on supporting pillars. None of them are powerful enough to bring the building down by itself. But together working in tandem boom boom boom
KABOOM! eND OF PRe GAMe WARMUP Now, lets get out there and play to win!
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