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Date: Fri, 21 Mar 2003 20:09:54 -0600 From: "Kirstin Reeder" <kreeder@arbbs.

net> Subject: Re: Parent-Directed Feeding Boy, Nikki was right when she said that this could open up a can of worms! ;-) Here are my thoughts, and I hope they are somewhat coherent. (Dh has been out of town for 3 weeks so my brain is somewhat fried!) *SUCCESSFUL* breastfeeding on a routine is possible ***if*** you pay close attention to your babies cues and allow flexibility. I've known many moms who think that "flexible routine" means that they decide that "baby will eat at 7, 10, 1, 4, 7, and 10." But really I've found it easiest to come up with a routine by following a cyclical patten of feed/wake/sleep or feed/wake/feed/sleep or something of that nature. A friend of mine is a lactation consultant and a former contact mom for Growing Families International, and she has a wonderful website that discusses breastfeeding on a routine. (She is no longer a contact mom for GFI because of the ***SERIOUS*** problems in their materials, and she has personally documented many case studies of failure to thrive babies and/or moms who lose their milk supply from following Babywise or Preparation for Parenting.) http://www.angelfire.com/md2/moodyfamily/breastfeeding.html is her breastfeeding page, and she has a page called "Establishing a Routine" that is VERY good. I think probably my main pieces of advice would be: 1. DO NOT equate feeding on a routine with being a good parent or having obedient children or whatever. I know several moms who strictly cue-feed, and their children are wonderful. Cue-feeding does not create demanding, bratty children - permissive parenting does. Feeding on a routine just makes it easier (SOMETIMES) to manage everything and meet everyone's needs in an organized fashion. 2. Don't let the clock determine when it is "time" for baby to eat. Let baby's cues and where he/she is in the cycle determine if it's time for baby to eat. If baby wakes "early" from a nap, do not hold baby off until it's time to eat. That is usually the beginning of the end for most moms. 3. Don't think that breastfeeding on a routine and cue-feeding are mutually exclusive. It is possible to do both. Breastfeeding is like a dance neither mom nor baby should be calling ALL the shots. Sometimes mom has to adjust to what baby is cueing, and sometimes mom has to *gently* guide baby into a more practical pattern. (For example, if you would like baby to start his/her day at 7 am, it's possible to do that.) Honestly, I feel that your mom's well-behaved children were a result of the strict boundaries she had with you, *not* how she breastfed you. It's definitely possible to have strict boundaries yet totally cue-feed (and end up with equally well-behaved children). Probably many people will respond and share the evils of parent-directed feeding. I cannot do that because I think to some extent semantics come into play. If you mean SCHEDULE then no, do NOT do that. If you mean a flexible routine, it's possible, IF you are careful to watch your babies cues.

I have breastfed my last 3 children (my 11mo is still going strong). I have used a flexible routine with them, and I think the emphasis needs to be on "flexible." (Especially with the youngest one!) It's also important to remember that every baby is different, and while one pattern may work for one baby, it may not work for another. (Feed/wake/sleep was fine for my 2nd child but my 4th does more of a feed/wake/feed/sleep sort of thing.) Please feel free to e-mail me privately. Love, Kirstin <>< Wife to Bobby (8.5+ years) Momma to Grant (almost 6), Caleb (4.5), Libby (2.5), and Josh (11 months) Date: Sat, 22 Mar 2003 00:29:43 -0900 From: Jeff and Molly Aley <judah@gci.net> Subject: On Parent Directed Feeding Personally, I'm a fan of leniant Parent-Directed feeding. I usually set a basic time schedule: every 2 hours for newborns, etc... I've found that if I don't have some sort of "we have to go this long before we will nurse again" I end up with a snacker. I hate snackers! You never know if baby is tired, hungry, poopy, or what, because every time they whimper, they could be hungry--how would you know, since they only snack? When you wait at least 2 hours between "meals," then you know for sure if they're hungry or not. Personally, I like feeding them as soon as they wake up. Then when they get cranky (for newborns, usually about 45 minutes after waking), I know they're tired and can put them down. My poor firstborn was a snacker, because I'd read all the wrong books and thought that I had to nurse her everytime she fussed. She never had a decent nap for her first 4 months, and she acted like it too! What a crank! I thought it was colic at the time, but I wonder now if most of it was just due to a first-time parent's inexperience and lousy reading material! I wish someone would have told me that babies ought to take decent naps, and that I didn't have to pacify her with my breast 24/7! Yeesh! Any cultures that go without diapers (which has been most of them through-out known time) have their babies on a loose schedule. If they let baby eat whenever and wherever, baby will pee whenever and wherever. But when baby eats on a routine, Mom can be in tune with his cues and pull him out to go to the bathroom when he needs it. This tells me that mothers have been putting their babies on feeding routines for a long time. YES, there are certain babies with those naturally-scheduled personalities, the ones who just automatically want to nurse every three hours. I had one of those--it felt too easy! Wow! My other two have been the type that, if given their choice, would hang

from the nipple much like a snapping turtle who refuses to open his mouth. Putting them on a flexible routine saved my life (exaggeration...maybe!). :o) Those who can handle snackers, I'm impressed. Personally, it drives me insane--absolutely insane. I love having a bit of routine to give our lives some definition. Strict scheduling is obviously difficult, and just as stressful to me as feeding them constantly. I feel bound to the schedule, like my whole day revolves around it and as if my happiness at the day's end is bound up in whether or not we made it through The Schedule! I like the middle approach, and it fits our family well too. It's mellow, works with baby's needs, doesn't demand too much of my time in order to plan and think about it, but gives me a 'skelaton' with which to work with. Blessings, Molly Aley Mom to a 4.5, an almost-3, a 1.5, and a 20 week in-utero. :o)

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