Emotional Intelligence Competency Empathy Empathy is the fourth emotional intelligence competency expounded on by Goleman (1995).

He maintained it emanates from a foundation of self-awareness. Hence, openness to our own emotions facilitates our understanding of the emotions of others. According to Davis (2003) empathy has a variety of meanings stemming from psychological, psychological/intellectual, sociological, moral, and emotional schools of thought. Scholls (2002) provides a quite comprehensive definition of empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and affect the emotional states of others. a. The ability to read the emotions and emotional states of other. b. The ability to determine the situations/triggers that cause various emotional states in others. c. The ability to evoke positive and negative emotions states in others. This often involves understand the selfconcept and identity of others to avoid negative affect of invalidation (offending) and to evoke positive affect by affirmation (positive reinforcement). d. Conflict/Negotiation skills. The ability to advocate your positions/interests without invalidating the positions/interests of other parties. ( 4). Escalas and Stern (2003) stressed the importance of distinguishing between empathy and sympathy. The authors categorized the former as in-feeling and the later as with-feeling. They explained, whereas sympathy stems from the perspective of an observer who is conscious of another s feelings, empathy stems from that of a participant who vicariously merges with another s feelings ( 3). Conversely, in sympathy the observer s feelings merely run parallel with those of another. Davis (2003) argued that there are philosophical and psychological distinctions between empathy and sympathy, which are reflected in Max Schieler s definition of the terms. Schieler opined that sympathy for another occurs at the time the person is experiencing distress. On the other hand, empathy is felt after the distressing event has transpired. Empathy underlies many facets of moral judgment and action (Goleman, 1995). It develops naturally as we become more aware of our environment and the pressures that influence one another (Senge, 1990). The potential benefits of empathy are two-fold. When we show empathy it can have a calming influence on us as well as the recipient (Mendes, 2003). Further, empathy enhances one s ability to forgive others (Macaskill, Maltby, & Day, 2002). The literature indicates that empathy is required to maintain effective relationships in social institutions, including the family and the workplace. Empathy in the family

Goleman (1995) focused on the parent-child relationship in his discussion of empathy within the family. The author stressed the need for parents to respond empathically toward their childrens emotions. A parents lack of empathy is characterized by (a) ignoring a childs feeling, (c) being too laissez-fair, and (c) being contemptuous showing no respect for how the child feels. Conversely, empathic parents facilitate their childs emotional well being by recognizing and attending to their feelings. Further, Goleman elucidated, that children who are treated callously are conditioned to withhold empathy from others. This notion aligns with Mendes (2003) assertion that empathy begets empathy.

Empathy is also critical for an effective husband-wife relationship. Since empathy entails recognizing and responding to the needs of another, spouses must demonstrate it with each other to avoid causing frustration, which Saxton defined as, the emotion that is experienced when an important need is being blocked (p. 332). In the discussion on anger management some of you indicated that you avoid arguments with your spouse by walking away or engaging in some other activity. However, according to Saxton (1986) having ones emotional needs met is one of the most valued psychological satisfactions in marriage, having more importance than material success and sexual compatibility. Thus, unwillingness to engage the conflict constructively of course reflects a lack of empathy and produces negative outcomes (Atwater 1986). Empathy in the workplace Pollack (2004) stressed the importance of communicating empathetically in the workplace by putting oneself in the listeners shoes. For example, according to Pollack, when asking employees to come to your office, inform them of the purpose to avoid causing them unnecessary panic. Early in my management career I was guilty of this insensitivity. I called one of my employees and asked him if he could come to my office right away. He said, yes and I hung up the phone. He arrived within seconds, visibly shaken. When I asked him why he was upset he exclaimed, Because I was afraid I had done something wrong! I was shocked and asked him how in the world he reached such a conclusion. He responded, Because you didnt tell me why you wanted to see me. He then said, How would you like it if your boss called you into his office without telling you the purpose. In reality it happened all of the time. Before going into management I worked for 15 years on the staff of high-level executives. It was common to get a call from either the executive or his/her secretary merely informing me to be in the executives office at a designated time. The topic was

never given unless I needed to bring some specific documents with me. I thought absolutely nothing of it and never feared I was being summoned for some infraction on my part. Because it was a standard operating procedure at that level of the organization I never gave it a thought. However, I learned a valuable lesson from my employee. I vowed from then on to spare employees any undue anguish by stating the purpose of my request. Empathy skills are being emphasized in companies to improve customer relations. SAS, a renowned hi tech company, incorporated empathy training into its technology training to improve customers relations though improved communication skills of its technicians (Howell, 2004). Guaspari (2004) provided an interesting perspective, arguing that organizations should replace customer focus with customer empathy. He sees this as focusing as the customer rather than focusing on the customer. Doing so, he contended conforms to the Golden Rule, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Conclusion Empathy is a competency that enhances relationships in every aspect of life. There are benefits for both the giver and receiver. But, can we be too empathic? The article on Self Awareness addresses Mayers (2004) warning about the negative effect of too much self-awareness. Similarly, some contributors to a Harvard Business Review article (Leading by Feel, 2004) stressed that empathy is an emotional intelligence skill that is essential to good leadership, but one that must be consciously and conscientiously honed to avoid misuse. In that same vein, Bartz (2004) emphasized the need to balance empathy and compassion with honesty. It is axiomatic that too much of almost anything (except love) is not good. For certain, empathy should not override honesty or sound decision-making. However, like self-awareness, most of us run the risk of having too little empathy rather than too much.

References Atwater, E. (1986). Human Relations. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall. Davis, C. M. (2003) Empathy and Transcendence. Topics in Geriatric Rehabilitation, 59, 265-274. Escalas, J. E. & Stern, B. B. (2003 March). Sympathy and empathy: Emotional responses to advertising dramas. Journal of Consumer Research, 29, 566. Retrieved February 21, 2004 from Proquest Database. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books. Guaspari, J. (2004 January/February). A preposition proposition. Across the Board, 41, 63. Retrieved March 8, 2004 from EBSCOhost Database. Howells, J. (2004 February). SAS teaches the art of empathy. ITTraining, p. 14. Retrieved March 8, 2004 from

EBSCOhost Database. Leading by Feel (2004, January). Harvard Business Review, 82, 27. Macaskill, A. ; Maltby, J.; & Day, L. (2002 October). Forgiveness of self and others and emotional empathy. The Journal of Social Psychology, 142, 663. Retrieved February 21, 2004 from Proquest Database. Mendes. E. (2003 September). What empathy can do. Educational Leadership, 61, 56. Retrieved February 4, 2004 from EBSCOhost Database Pollack, T. (2004 January). Toward Better Communications. Automotive Design & Production. Retrieved March 8, 2004 from EBSCOhost Database. Scholl, R. W. (2002, September 15). Affective Motivation and Emotional Intelligence. Paper published on University of Rhode Island Website. Retrieved February 3, 2004 from http://www.cba.uri.edu/Scholl/Notes/Affective_Motivation.html. Saxton, L. (1986). The individual, marriage, and the family. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth. Senge, P. (1990). The fifth discipline: The art & practice of the learning organization. New York: Currency Doublday