Meyer 1 Emily Meyer 11/16/2011 Final Draft Capstone Paper Girl Female Power The Mary Tyler Moore

e show, a coveted 1970s sitcom, was without a doubt, a first of its kind on national television. As stated by The Museum of Broadcast Communications, The program represented a significant change in situation comedy, quickly distinguishing itself from typical plot-driven storylines filled with narrative predictability and unchanging characters (MBC). Among developing characters, The Mary Tyler Moore Show offered us our first non-divorced, non-widowed single female with more interest in finding a career than finding a man. In fact, not only was Mary Richards single and not looking- she actively chose this situation for herself. After waiting around and helping her fianc through medical school, she finally becomes frustrated enough to leave and move to Minneapolis where she finds a new job, a new apartment, and a new best friend: Rhoda Morgenstern. As stated, The Mary Tyler Moore Show was a first of its kind for numerous reasons, one of those being that for the first time in television history, the relationship between two single adult females serves as the center of a series. This seven-year series that won twenty-nine Emmys during its time on air was recognized for giving viewers something they had never seen before: independent female voice. However, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and more specifically, the relationship between Mary and Rhoda does more than just further what is accepted for sitcom television. Additionally, it progresses the perception and validity in adult female relationships. Mary and Rhoda exemplify the

Meyer 2 complexity of female intimacy and in doing so give affirmation to the purpose and value of said relationships. This female intimacy is essential to the well being of young and old women everywhere. Along with progressing the perception and validity of female relationships, The Mary Tyler Moore Show gives us an example of the wellness that is derived from female intimacy. Female intimacy is more than just a friendship and it is different from a hetero relationship and the characters of Mary and Rhoda exemplify and give meaning to these differences. Mary and Rhodas relationship begins as Rhoda is found cleaning the windows of Marys new apartment. In this first episode, entitled Love is All Around Rhoda accuses Mary of stealing her apartment and spends the entire episode arguing with Mary about moving in. By the next episode, Mary and Rhoda are already eating dinner together, making plans together, and essentially becoming partners in what becomes the forefront of the show. Yet, what seems like a pretty big jump from a relationship of strangers to best friends is indeed believable. Although Rhoda and Mary form their relationship in response to fighting over an apartment, their comfortable and quick banter with one another is natural from the start. During the pilot episode, Mary actually says, You know what, in spite of everything Im finding you a pretty hard person to dislike. In which Rhoda responds, I know what you mean, Im having a pretty hard time hating you too. This exchange is one of many that demonstrate sincere risk-free honesty between Mary and Rhoda. Dr. Ana Martinez Aleman studies this type of risk-free honesty by examining the college and post college female relationship. An experiment was conducted with women that followed them through their college experiences and post college life. These

Meyer 3 women reported back to Dr. Martinez Aleman after graduating college; and in the 30page report Dr. Martinez Aleman writes,

Now attending to children, employers, life partners, etc. these women seek out sororal talk in order to take action confidently and wisely. Though still talk that is fundamentally free flowing, playful, and riskfree their talk has evolved to be more developmentally consequential. Now after college, it is talk that enables productive decision-making within the much more complex and higher stakes relational environment of young adulthood. Women friends engage in talk that enables them to mediate the sometimes competing and conflicting demands of larger relational systems (567). There are multiple important aspects of this quote in relation to Mary and Rhoda. First of all, it is important to note that Dr. Martinez chooses the words free-flowing, playful, and risk free because in the case of MTM, Mary and Rhodas relationship directly mirrors these adjectives. It is for this reason that it might seem female relationships like Mary and Rhodas are less significant than they actually are. For example, let us remember that Dr. Martinez Aleman states that this talk enables them to mediate the sometimes competing and conflicting demands of larger relational systems. This too, is absolutely mirrored by the relationship of Mary and Rhoda. As two single women living alone in Minneapolis, neither woman is unfamiliar with the expectations that they are given as young females. In fact, in only the second episode Mary and Rhoda discuss their disgust in being addressed as Maam and the horridness of being thirty and single. Now, though this discussion about age and singleness may seem somewhat one dimensional, we are still given an example of two women doing exactly what Dr. Martinez Aleman writes about. Mary and Rhoda are mediating through the expectations and demands of the larger relational system they reside in as single thirty year olds in 1970. Further more, at the conclusion of this episode, after a completely

Meyer 4 unsuccessful date party, they are left to do nothing but laugh with one another about their completely ridiculous evening. The bond they share while fighting the relational environment of young adulthood strengthens their friendship, and consequently, strengthens them independently as well. Another vital aspect of female friendship is determined by Dr. Terri Apter, author of the book Best Friends: The Pleasure and Perils of Girls and Womens Friendships. An important, but perhaps downplayed feature of Mary and Rhodas relationship is their ability to argue with one another. Although this is certainly an instrument of comedy on the show, it is also a feature of their relationship that deserves a great deal of credit. As Dr. Apter writes in her book,

Recently, friendships among girls and women have been portrayed in idealized terms, as though good friendships involve only good feelings. These powerful relationships should, indeed, be celebrated, but if we lose sight of the rough learning processes within them, we simplify and distort what we need to understand (17). The relationship between Mary and Rhoda is often brutally honest. Though, as mentioned, this serves as humor for the show, it also exemplifies an important aspect of intimacy that Dr. Apter points out. Dr. Apters book was published in 1999, over twenty years after the conclusion of The Mary Tyler Moore series. What is interesting is that her paragraph begins by commenting the current common representation of female relationships: recently, friendships among girls and women have been portrayed in idealized terms. However, as shown in numerous episodes between Mary and Rhoda, this certainly isnt the case. Once again, it would seem that this television series (perhaps even unintentionally) becomes iconic for its time. Mary, a character that is quite unable to exert authority over anyone, stands up to Rhoda numerous times on the

Meyer 5 show. And Rhoda, a character that isnt afraid to exert authority over anyone, is never afraid to call Mary out during these situations. The two characters continuously hold one another accountable. This again exemplifies the power and value of female intimacy. This level of accountability does not result from competition or jealousy. It results out of the respect they have for one another. In 1970, and even today, respect is not always given to young females when it is due. This relationship fuels the kind of accountability and respect that any human deserves. It takes a true friend to tell someone they arent living up to their character- but in the case of Mary and Rhoda, it seems to mean even more than that. As they mediate through their lives independently, they also provide for one another in ways that society seems to fail: the right to respect. Despite being single, thirty, and middle class women, the respect they demonstrate towards one another assists them in developing independence within society. Let us look at episode, The Snow Must Go On. Mr. Grant puts Mary in charge of the show for the evening of the post election report. Due to a vicious snowstorm, the employees for the show refuse to come. To help Mary out in her bind, Rhoda offers to come alleviate Marys stress. When she arrives to the show, Mary is frantic and frustrated with her inability to assert authority over the cast. When Rhoda arrives, Mary decides to put her behind the election board for the night. Rhoda refuses, claiming the job is crummy and she demands to be on stage. Mary responds with, Come on Rhoda you are my friend. Who else do you give crummy jobs to? Rhoda, come on! You know I have trouble telling people what to do! Rhoda responds, You seem to be telling me pretty good! After the argument furthers, Rhoda agrees and stays on the set until the wee hours of the morning helping Mary out.

Meyer 6 Now, what may seem like a small tiff between two friends actually deserves analyzing. Dr. Apter points out that the ability to have these conversations is the heart of female intimacy. Without the ability to argue, friendships tend to completely fall apart at the first disagreement. As she mentions, it is common in our post MTM world to view an argument as an ending of a relationship. She writes, Today, many valued friendships end because a girl feels unprepared for conflicts that arise She is simply unprepared to negotiate a flash point (Apter, 20). When we take this information and combine it with fact that this entire episode is centered on Marys inability to exert authority, we can infer that Marys comfort and trust in Rhoda enables her to demand what she needs from her friend. However, Rhoda, who is hardly afraid to say anything to anyone, calls Mary out on taking advantage of her. In the end, Rhoda puts her friendship above this issue and stays with Mary for the entire night. What at first glace may seem like only a ploy for humor is in actuality, much more. Viewers witness one of the most important aspects of any friendship- the ability to fight without destruction to the relationship. Another representation of the honesty and ability to fight in Mary and Rhodas relationship is found in season two, episode nineteen, Where There is Smoke, There is Rhoda. At the beginning of this episode, Rhodas apartment catches on fire and she is forced to move out for 3 to 4 days. She has nothing but a bathrobe and Mary, of course, demands that instead of staying at a motel while her apartment is being fixed, she stays in her apartment. They struggle to live with one another from the start. Rhodas messy and spontaneous behavior (that usually balances Marys tendency to be worrisome and over-prepared) clashes horrible in a living situation. Mary spends the episode tiptoeing around her apartment, cleaning up after Rhodas messes and even attempts to do her

Meyer 7 dishes in the middle of the night. The next morning, Mary wakes up to a clean apartment and a packed up Rhoda. When Mary inquires where Rhoda is going she responds,

Mary, listen I gotta level with you, kid. You drive me crazy. First of all, there is all that cheerfulness in the morning. Good morning! Rise and shine! Its like living with Dinah Shore. And then there is the business of you being a neat freak. Up in the middle of the night doing dishes! Who could live with a dish elf? You wanna know the real reason you drive me crazy? Because I know I drive you crazy. Mary tries to deny it, but Rhoda responds, Ive been nice enough to tell you how impossible you are to live with you might at least extend me the same courtesy. Finally, Mary admits that Rhoda drives her up the wall and Rhoda ends up staying with Phyllis for the remainder of her apartment renovation. This entire episode is based on the contrast of Mary and Rhodas personalities. Here, we see another even more intimate interaction between these two characters. Like the previous example, the two characters are able to hold one another accountable without ruining their friendship, which in turn strengthens it. To look at this episode through the framing of Dr. Martinez Aleman, we might also gather that along with strengthening their friendship, these abilities also strengthen their lives individually. Dr. Martinez Aleman writes about the women in her young female adult friendship study:

.research that finds that the intimacy and self-actualization attained in womens same-sex friendships has a positive impact on psychosocial wellbeing (Knickmeyer, Sexton, & Nishimura, 2002), and that in general, womens friendships are typified by greater intimacy and confession (Candy, Troll, & Levy, 1981).

Meyer 8 It might be argued that the confession that Mary and Rhoda come to by the end of the episode Where There is Smoke, There is Rhoda not only gives viewers insight to their relationship with each other, but also their relationship with themselves. Coming to terms to the fact that they are both incredibly different people assists in their understanding and self-actualizing as independent people. As Rhoda states so bluntly, Ive been nice enough to tell you how impossible you are to live with. You might at least extend me the same courtesy. Here, in her comically honest attitude, Rhoda is being honest with Mary, but she is dually being honest with herself. Sweet-hearted Mary has difficultly with the possibility of offending anyone, but Rhoda points out that she views this as a courtesy. We can infer here that Rhoda recognizes the importance of this honesty both in their friendship but also in their physiological well being as two completely different people. This physiological wellbeing is interesting to consider after reading an article published in 2002 about a study on female intimacy. Two Penn State female scientists concerned that 90% of anxiety research is done on males, decided to conduct a study specifically on how women respond to anxiety. It was discovered that men usually have a fight or flight reaction due to their testosterone levels, while women seem to, tend or befriend. Meaning, that when women find themselves in situations of severe anxiety or trauma (i.e. losing a job, a spouse, etc) they respond with tending or befriending due to a hormone called oxytocin. However, what is groundbreaking about this study is that it has been concluded that it is because of this specific hormone and the ability that women have to connect with one another that results in women outliving men. In one study, for example, researchers found that people who had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another study, those who had the most friends over a 9-

Meyer 9 year period cut their risk of death by more than 60% (Berkowitz). Additionally, Harvard Medical School did a study and found that results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidants was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight (Berkowitz). This article ends with the question of lack of validity in female friendships. With stress levels increasing and a world that is certainly moving faster than it did years ago, are our female friendships being forgotten? It would seem that the lack of emphasis on female intimacy is larger than just ignorance. This type of relationship helps deal with the anxiety of daily lives and plays a key role in the overall well being of womens health. The relationship of Mary and Rhoda, though one from years ago, gives a voice to this study. Within modern society, female relationships are still seen as one-dimensional and lacking deeper levels. Yet multiple studies have proven that the hormone oxytocin is released when women spend time getting to know other women. It is interesting that this research was done years after Mary and Rhoda went off the air. However, this simply again confirms how ahead of its time The Mary Tyler More Show was. Characters like Mary and Rhoda are essential in powering against the shallow and dismissive misconceptions of female relationships. The relationship of Mary and Rhoda is certainly an iconic one within TV history. Their quickly developed intimacy, their honest relationship, and the accountability they provide for one another are just a few reasons why these characters are enjoyable to watch. They are funny, quirky, and independent. However, probably most importantly, these characteristics and the representation of their relationship demonstrate purpose in female intimacy. As Dr. Martinez Aleman points out, these types of relationships provide a realistic representation of what intimacy and friendship really is. Above

Meyer 10 everything, this relationship serves as a learning process on both a communal and independent level. Their realistic relationship and ability to argue provides respect between one another, but it also demands the respect of viewers as well. Mary and Rhoda unintentionally serve as an example for the continuous research conducted about the power of female friendship- and at the very least; they are an incredibly entertaining pair to watch, too.

Works Cited Apter, T. E., and Ruthellen Josselson. Best Friends: the Pleasures and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships. New York: Three Rivers, 1999. Print. Berkowitz, Gale. "CND: UCLA Study On Friendship Among Women." Melissa Kaplan's Herp and Green Iguana Information Collection. Chronic Neuroimmune Diseases, 2002. Web. 13 Dec. 2011. <http://www.anapsid.org/cnd/gender/tendfend.html>. Hammill, Geoff. "The Mary Tyler Moore Show." The Museum of Broadcast Communications. Museum of Broadcast Communication. Web. 13 Dec. 2011. <http://www.museum.tv/eotvsection.php?entrycode=marytylermo>. Martnez Alemn, A. M. College womens friendships: The longitudinal view. The Journal of Higher Education 81(5), 553-582. (September/October 2010).

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Brooks, J. L., Burns, A., Davis, D., Baldwin, P., Paris, J., Sandrich, J., Banta, G., ... Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, Inc. The Mary Tyler Moore show: The complete first season. Beverly Hills, CA: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment. (1970). Brooks, J. L., Burns, A., Davis, D., Baldwin, P., Paris, J., Sandrich, J., Banta, G., ... Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, Inc. The Mary Tyler Moore show: The complete second season. Beverly Hills, CA: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment. (1971).