Tears Shed In Time

By: M. T. DeStefano

For Jennifer Pesta, the women who brought me back to life when all had seemed lost.

For Braelyn and Sidney, without you in my life, this would all be meaningless.

Contents

Part I
Scars of the Heart Loves Impurity

Road Untraveled My Heart Still Burns Another Day, Another Way Disappeared Pieces of My Soul Water Will Carry You Home With Every Breath

Smile in My Dreams One Last Breath To Keep From Dying Same Old Song Sublime Think of the Days In My Heart

Calling Out For You The Key Withdrawn Live Youre Dreams Cant Lose This Smile The Last What If Our Life Dearly I Would Choose You

Part III
The Journey Begins Within Our Hearts Through the Window

Part II

In between these pages, are the tears I've shed in time.

This is the story of a man, who died before he came alive.

From my hand, before your eyes, upon my whole life dine.

Part I

Scars of the Heart

It's hard awakening with an empty story in your heart. Wanting to write it, yet not knowing where to start. So I say; a heart with no scars is no heart at all. To understand true love you must crumble and fall. The scars may fade; memories stay Tears of sadness; screams of rage Sleepless nights; pain filled days Still I try to hold it inside, inside my tortured cage.

Loves Impurity
Another cold day leads to the burning in my heart. While it eats my soul alive, I realize this love never had a start. Truth that binds me From the dark side of security Brings me to the light To see this loves impurities Still the tears of my heart Shatter on the floor As the desperation I feel Slowly shuts the door

Hopes that were frozen Stuck Inside my head Will come back to kill me As her destructive words said She was still with him We would never be Love I thought was there Could not be guaranteed So I'll keep to myself I'll try to hold my breath Until this love comes true Or until my last breath Why must my love for you Slowly lead me to my death

Smile in My Dreams
Shaking in my arms a quiver down my spine my legs are getting weak I'm doing just fine I wish it wasn't like this Wish I didn't care at all There is something about you, that makes me take the fall. I try to stand up Feelings got stronger Wish I would feel this way no longer I find myself hurting believing your lies it hurts so badly I can't even cry The effect you had on me Was beautiful it seems It's crazy to know I smile in my dreams

Then I wake up and you're not by my side For the very first time My heart, for you, cried

One Last Breath

As the tears drop and shatter like glass, I bleed the final words that slowly surpass. The way I always felt when we were alone, and how you made me stumble into the unknown. I gasped for one last breath, but I choked on my heart. I strived for one last taste as we finally fell apart. With every word I ever wasted on your behalf, I hoped you start to choke on every single laugh. As I tried to find your picture so I could look into your eyes, to make you feel my pain one last time.

To Keep From Dying

Who are you and who am I? Why did we ever give this a try? I'm myself and you are you where does this pain come from that we go through? You gave your heart and you stole mine did we jump into this blind? We loved each other every day so why are you still, So far away? We thought our time was always good didnt turn out the way it should Now you're with him, you left me here this was always something I feared Now it's over, I stopped crying so I'll stay busy to keep from dying

Same Old Song

She calls you tonight She knows somethings wrong you won't tell her your heart keeps singing the same old song She knows you better she knew that you were down you insist on holding back Self pit in which you drown Her heart won't change the way she doesn't feel you knew your heart would take time to heal You try not to let her see you hurt you already knew She'd leave your heart in the dirt No matter how she feels youll continue to see

your love for her will always be

Sublime
You've been gone now, for a long time I feel as if I never knew you at all Hopefully I'm jumping the gun And one day you will call Even if I want to move on And get my life on track I know it's hard to do Love is holding me back So when I close my eyes All I see is you Memories still haunt me Ones I wish I never knew When I lose myself I can't hide from the truth The love that really killed me Pushed me away from you

In my dreams you haunt My love for you won't let me be When you stare into my eyes The pain inside won't set me free When we look back on the memories our best moments make me cry thats why I hope you understand we would be better if you try But if I could catch a falling star and change the course of time I'd mend our broken hearts so the rest would stay sublime

Think of the Days

Dedicated to a friend

Today I dropped to my knees from the trouble of breathing but it wasn't my health it was the thought of you leaving There's nothing they can say To make these feelings go away As soon as they start to Something reminds me of you That brings me to tears So full of pain That I'll feel it for years Then I think of the days all the times we shared together it causes the slightest thing even the touch from a feather to bring me back to the thoughts The anger the hate the love

the fears But no matter what I can't stop these tears

In My Heart
I had forgotten everything All the good things in my soul Than you came into my life You made me feel whole You always knew the right thing You showed me how to give You finally opened up my eyes You showed me how to live The sweet song of your voice Will echo forever inside of my head For all the years to come Ill think about words Id left unsaid The words I wished Id said to you I offer up to you now I pray that one day maybe

I could be with you somehow I could not have grown this way alone You made my life mean something And I know that youre the one That recalled my life from nothing So I try to be strong I try to numb the pain I try to tell myself Youre coming back today Even though I know That you are never coming home I know you are looking down on me So Ill never be alone But now youve disappeared Forever you are gone Ill never forget your love

because in my heart your soul lives on

Road Untraveled
Another morning comes As the life I pretend Becomes the life I keep The truth of who I am Is buried deep inside It remains a road untraveled For everyone but I And the mask that hides The longing in my eyes Can only do so much With a secret this hard to hide Even when hidden And locked away There are still Times when I cry

Then I stop Ask myself "Why?"

My Heart Still Burns

When you look at me what do you see? A man thats broken? A man thats free? Why is it so hard to be myself? It seems even now I've lost the key to be myself, so unlike you why is this so hard to do? You'll never understand What I've been through Even though These words are true I've been through more pain Than most will ever know They say time heals wounds It's going to slow

Every day that these pieces don't fit my heart takes, another hit How many more can I take? I can't tell you but it will take much more before I break.

Another Day, Another Way

With the breath of the sun we find another day another chance to love again to live life another way Before you I stood I dropped to me knees crying to the sky "Please set me free." The wolf lies inside in the depths of the dark

my strength has gone out as quick as a spark

The face in the mirror Eyes stare me down He knows who I am as I start to drown Within those eyes I can read the pain Visions of dreams it begins the same

Desires to be free as tears fill my eyes how have I grown into the person I despise

Disappeared
Label me as missing Ill never be found Im running far away I wont make a sound Youll see my letter My reflection in your head Youll wonder how Im doing If Im better off dead

Youll never know who I am I will never reappear Youll know me as the one The one that disappeared

Pieces of My Soul
Time stands still your eyes crystalize I fall into a trance and then I realize Pieces of my soul have shattered on the floor they begin to form together when you open up the door

I was betrayed by confusion That was left upon your face Your footsteps disappear Without a trace Now Im broken and blinded By overwhelming fear It now becomes reality With the drop of the first tear

You will be gone As morning light hits my cheek It seems even now Ive gone farther from my peek Its farther to fall As I climb higher Now my heart

Will burn with the fire I will never be free So this is the last time These innocent eyes see

Water Will Carry You Home

Raindrops fall like tears from the sky they dampen my paper they darken my eyes And youre, youre so cold, so lost, so far away you run for the hills and live for the day But you, you cannot race time and win you cannot call love a sin

Now youre so destroyed, so lost, and so afraid, but you cannot fight these tears Cause you are no stranger to fears There can be no chorus for songs of the sea you curse what you done you damn what might be but the water will carry you home

With Every Breath

When theres nothing to lean on nothing will support you what do you fall on when all you have are dreams that in a few simple words there could be no more screams

Alone and empty In a dark silent world With everything you feel Made up inside your mind Killing yourself with every breath Lending out your heart Hoping it wont lead to death

Part II

Calling Out For You

Last night I fell into a world I never wanted to leave You were there with me and everything was perfect

You whispered to me that I'd never have to worry But theres a problem in having something with you Please don't take my heart as something you can use While I tremble at your words knowing what I could lose You assured me That I would be yours You would be mine Nothing could come between what we had I'll take a leap of faith and land in your arms If you'll just catch me as I fall Please answer my hearts call

'Cause Im calling out for you to be here with me I'm calling out to you so that we can find a way A way to make every breath a moment in each others eyes Than everything fades and I'm back to reality

I'm left with only thoughts of what could have been To me letting you go would be a regretful sin So I'll live everyday trying to be a better man Dreaming that here, you've taken my hand To walk me down this road through my misery Please help me to get to the other side To watch the sunset with you on my arm Can someone tell me, where is the harm In dreaming of you

The Key
These shattered pieces lie like photos spread across my bedroom floor Memories flood my existence as I try to find love once more

So let me know if its a burden For you to hold the key If thats the way it is Please try and set me free But you should know Id live and die a million lives for you If for just one moment we could be Now Im left with one last question, Did you know hold the key?

Withdrawn
As we make it through these nights With nothing but our dreams We soon begin to realize Nothing is ever what it seems Our questions without answers Like a soul without its mate

Makes me start to wonder Can anyone relate, To these problems I await? Can you hear these cries, As I reach out for your hand? Fighting back these tears Is something I can't stand You think you are pushing Me away until I'm gone If that was ever an issue Wouldn't I already have withdrawn?

I need you to listen To every silent word I speak Theres something in this message That leaves me feeling weak

If you still dont understand What I am trying to say In my final words These feelings I'll convey My heart is on my sleeve I hope you know how I feel Its always been you That has forced me to reveal My head over my heel

Live Your Dreams

The first time I saw your smile My heart began to melt Words cannot explain The feelings that I felt Its amazing how your smile Can touch me at my core I wasnt ready to walk this path Now its as if I could sore

I thought this life would be much harder than it seems doing everything I can to ensure you live your dreams and the courage I provide will help you to stand while doubt can mimic properties being trapped by quicksand The option of walking away Will never cross my mind my love for you is too strong for me to ever leave you behind

Cant Lose This Smile

Its the way I feel When we first touched It seems these feelings Have become so much I fell for you so easy And I never tried to stand Darkness turns to light Every time I hold your hand

Its crazy to think That for the first time My heart will not cry I just cant lose this smile Cause you didnt pass me by I knew from our first moment that one day wed be in love its like I had my angel Sent to me from above Ill cherish every moment for youre the best thing in my life the day cant come fast enough when you become my wife

The Last What If

What if we fell in love? Our love would last forever What if this was our last day? We would spend our time together What if I never said yes?

Id spend my whole life hoping What if we hit speed bumps? We wont have trouble coping What if we have all girls? Id protect them with my life What if they grow up too fast? Ill prepare to give a lucky man a wife What if time starts to fly by? Ill try to make it slow up What if this is the last What if? Ill know its time to wake up

Our Life
Everyone is looking for someone to fill the hole we think, but dont talk much about it until we start to lose control

So we started off as friends I know it made our love strong For some time we kept our feelings hidden But when it came time to reveal We didnt wait too long Something inside my heart Recognized fate all along It was hard to wrap my mind around Our love as a never ending song

So how do you its love? I cant tell you; though I know well last forever

How do you feel when youre in love? Its impossible to explain; though its something we share together So how do you know its forever? Every time I look into your eyes I see our life together

Dearly
Ive become a part of a life I did not create It seems as if this was always my fate Now I have to grow Into a man of example This is only what I hope to be considered a sample

of the life to come of the challenges ill face of the time that I find my destined place She continues to teach me When I thought Id be teaching I try to earn her approval but sometimes I feel Im reaching to be more than I need to be When I love her dearly and she loves me for me That is all Ill ever need this to be

I Would Choose You

Feelings I get when I look into your eyes like the sun rising now touching the sky Warmth that it brings only love can create

Proving our love to be something great When I feel your touch my hair starts to rise like the wind on your skin on the coldest of days If I had to choose to keep feeling this way Id still choose you every single day

Part III

The Journey Begins

Sometimes in life Things begin to change how can someone feel that

Dreams are out of range? They cling to regrets In colors of black and white Missing the big picture Life taking flight Spreading its wings The journey has begun How is it even possible That one could ever want to run Away from their creation? Youre so beautiful and pure in life theres nothing better youre the ultimate cure

Within Our Hearts

Feeling anxious, hands starting to shake Dont know how much more I can take Getting nervous, chest is getting tight

Hard to debate between wrong and right Mind is clouded, Im losing all control This feeling inside has brightened my soul Thought it would be hard to fill these spaces Thats when I looked at my girls faces Never thought I was capable of feeling this way Loving to watch my little girls play Hope they dont grow up too fast I want their time with us to last I just hope theyre in no hurry Life passes so fast, it seems so blurry I cant bear to see them leave us here Even though, Within our hearts theyll always be near

Through the Window

When I first held you I looked into your eyes Like looking through a window Into a different world Its amazing when you see life In a different light No matter where this roads leads For you, I will always fight You make me feel so selfless since youve entered my life I just hope that one day you will be privileged enough to feel what I feel too

Cause nothing can compare when your beauty sends me through that open window to a bright new world when my true test begins being the best father I can This journey of new life the best gift Ive ever had until you look me in the eye and say

I love you dad