GONE Some day you will be gone But dont leave me Before we find one another So I will be with

you Where ever youve gone I have grown so close to you I feel your breath I feel your beat As my head lies upon your adored heart Yet I still have more to learn About you The lesson have been many Together and Apart Intertwined and Embraced realities Leading us pushing us releasing us To be free Some day you will be gone Sooner than I want to believe Im asking you please Give me more time To trace your essence Into my subconscious Color your love upon my canvases Measure each step Of your gentle movements So when God touches your spirit I will not know you have gone
Poem by Gina Tricamo, Copywriter Dedicated to Rey, March 2007

The question is can I grow from Grief? I started to write again. I had stopped. I was paralyzed I am now learning from a year of internal turmoil that I want my life back. It will never be the same. It is not meant to be. I have had too many memories made from daring to love. Love is a condition of an open heart, but standing in that vulnerable position requires taking risk of incurring harm or injury of not being protected. I am lead by my heart, think with my heart and trust no one. What a paradox. So taking such a conflicting approach I become mixed up and refuse to grieve when rightly I should do so. Today I grieve. My friend is wounded and my body feels so heavy with exhaustion of his emotional, physical and spiritual pain. My hands are tied, no bounded and I can only step aside and crumble to my knees. I got to share the breath and depth of his trust, He would tell me about relationships using the analogy of long and short branches on a tree. He said he had short term relationships that were like little branches that fell off without much ado. The were Little Wisk that didnt even get off the ground. Then there were the long branches, the ones that sustained the tree. Gave the tree balance and shaded the little creature within who inhabited the tree and gave a sense of wholeness and happiness. I was somewhat like this Long Branch, on this stoic tree trunk. The tree managed to be nourished and form roots, but the tree was full of knots and crooked from the many strong storms it withstood year in and year out. The one branch remained and grew to some degree. They somehow created stability and he nourished her and she nurtured him. One day a very cold and forceful blizzard struck, the tree was covered with wet snow, then the heat of the sun came and began to melt the snow, but a sudden drop of temperature occurred and by morning the long branch, even though it appeared extremely beautiful and stunning, was covered with icicles so large and so heavy the long developed branch drooped and bent so far it touched the earth surrounding the tree. Normally, in earlier days the branch had the flexibility to bend and return to an upright position. Atlas, a season of despair came and the branch was frozen solid, through and through. It was weight with such a burden it could longer withstand the frozen state. It snapped and broke. When the tree first felt it leave him, he was stunned, outraged and lost. The branch laid on the cold, snowy ground, turned around every which way, trying to feel life force, sadly realizing it had been disconnected. For a moment in time the branch appeared to still be alive, but eventually it died. It became firewood and was embellished into a fueled fire. Its flames leaped up to the heavens and entered the stars, creating an amber glow. The loyal Long Branch was consumed unto ashes. The tree remained, gradually got used to not having her part of him throughout the days. New growth beganlife went on.

This is how grief makes me feel and how I am trying to manage it. But it never goes away when you have surrendered your heart freely to another life source. Fire burns within my heart; water cools it and turns my essence into vapor.