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Johntarrant
Zen Koan s

Sudden Awakening
Awakening can come gradually, almost imperceptibly, or in a sudden, life-altering flash. But however it happens, whats important is that awakening is real and possible. Like life itself, Zens enigmatic koans offer us a path to surprising, unpredictable transformation. When will it happen to you and whatdonkey, broom, or morning starwill trigger it?
Here begins the new life
Da n t e a l i g h i e r i

at t h e h e a r t o f Z e n ,andofallBuddhism,isastory.onenightinsecret,

aprincedepartedfromthepalaceandfromeverythingheknewandloved hiswife,hisnewbornchild,hiswealth,hispower.hischarioteerbroughthim hiswhitehorse,thehoovesmuffledwithgrass.theearthspiritssupported theirstepssothattheymadenosoundandtheguardsdidnotwakeasthey passed.afterthefirststageofthejourney,theprinceexchangedclotheswith abeggarandsenthiscompanionandthehorsehome.thiswasthebeginning ofalongroadoutoftheselfthattheprincehadbeen. Years of mental and spiritual exercises followed. the journey culminated one night when, while meditating, he looked up and saw the morning star. hewasoverwhelmedbythedelight,freedom,andlovethatcamewithbeing human.afterthishewasknownastheBuddha,andfortherestofhislifetried toconveytopeoplehowtheycouldhavethatsameawakening.intermsofconsciousness,whathappenedtohimmightbecalledanextrememakeover. ineventhesimplestlife,painanddisappointmentaccumulate,andatsome momenteveryonelongstowalkthroughagateandleavethepastbehind,perhapsforanearliertimewhenthecolorswerebrightandtheheartcarriedno weight.thequestforafreshstartissofundamentalthatitdefinestheshape ofthestorieswetelleachother. aJaneaustenheroineshakesofftheweightofthepastandwalksoutthe gateintoafavorablemarriage;aDostoyevskyherohasagooddreaminhis prisoncellandthenextmorningheisreadytoconfess;theancientMariner blessestheseasnakesandbeginstocareabouthumanity.Mostnovelsdepend onsuchapossibilitywaitinginthewingsforthemaincharacter,andthestory oftheBuddhaisanovelinthissense.Butdothesetransformationsoccurin

C a l l i g ra ph i e s BY KaZ ta na h a s hi

storiesbecausetheyareunlikelythingsthatthemindneedsto imaginelikeescapingfrompiratesorhavingaprinceofferyou a glass slipperor are they possibilities that wait inside every life? generally,wedoubtthatpeoplechangeverymuchorquickly. itsamarkofsophisticationnottoexpectnewYearsresolutionsto stick.religionandpsychotherapyareinterestedinchangingpeople, butwhethertheysucceeddependsonwhatyoumeanbychange. anolympicswimmer,unusuallystrong-willedandwithanumber ofgoldmedalstohisname,oncetoldmethatevenheneededsix monthsoftrainingtoachievetheverysmallestchangeinperformance.nobodyactuallythinksthattheywillgetthekeytohappinessfromthinkingpositively,anymorethantheybelievethatthey willgetthinthighsinthirtydays.peoplereadthefantasytheway theyreadromancenovelsbecausetheyliketodream,notbecause theythinktherealityitpresentsiswithintheirreach. ontheotherhand,alteringconsciousnesshasprovenanabiding human passion, whether through martinis, peyote, rituals, music, or meditation. so whether consciousness can be transformedinafairlypermanentandbenignwayseemsanimportantthingtoinvestigate. andwhathasZengottodowiththis?Zentakesthestoryofthe Buddhaseriously.itoffersakindofjourneythatwemightfollow ifwewishanddare,ajourneythatisanaturalpathforahuman beingtotake.Zenofferssometips,incasetheymightbeusefulon thejourney,anaccountofafewthingsnoticedaboutthemind. these observations are simple but have profound consequences forwhatitmeanstobehuman.herearesomeofthem. 1. Buddhas Story Is Whats Happening To You Now. thejourneyoftheBuddhaisntaliteraljourneythathappenedlongago. anditsnotwhatyourlifewillbecome.itsherenow,andpaying attentionhelpsyoutonoticethat.ifyoulookintothelifeyou have,yourlookingwillleadyouintoanewlife.Whatyoumeet onthewayispartoftheway. 2. Longing To Be Somewhere Else Is A Virtue. thelongingfora freshstartisanancientandbasicfeatureofconsciousness.allart andworkoftheimaginationistouched byitanddependsonit.takingitseriouslyisasteptofindinganewwayof being. 3. Mind Is Your Friend. skepticismisreal too, and you might as well embrace it. Doubtseemstohaveanelementoflongingmixedwithdisillusionment.however, ifyoulookintodoubtclosely,itmightbe your friend. it might lead you to disbelievethethoughtsthatkeepyourrealityin place,whichmightbeagoodthing.
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4. Go Ahead, Get Enlightened.itreallyispossibleforpeopleto makefreshstarts,completeturnoversintheirwayofbeing.this isnotadelusionaleventandhasnothingtodowithbelieving in something. it is a natural human capacity for transforming consciousness. 5. More Uncertainty Is Usually Better.awakeningdependson therichnessofuncertaintyandnotknowing.itdependsonnot beingcertainthatyouareconfused,suffering,orthewrongpersoninthewrongplace. 6. You Can Learn It.thisreorganizationofconsciousness can happenspontaneously,butitcanalsobelearnedoracquired. 7. Try This Method Today.Youcanachieveawakeningthrough immersioninthekoanastoryordialoguethatyoukeepcompanywithdayandnight.itcantbeaddressedrationally,andyet itmighttransformyourconsciousness.Zencanbealotofother thingsaswell,buttransformationisatthecore. 8. Love Is Real.Whenthebeliefshavefallenaway,loveanddelight showupasbasicfeaturesofconsciousness. WhenyousetoutontheBuddhasjourney,youhavenoreal assurance that any awakening is possible. people might urge youon,buttheycouldbedeluded,ortheycouldberightabout themselvesbutnotaboutyou.Maybeimjustnotgoodatthis, youmightthink.YoucouldwatchBuddhistteacherscloselyto seeiftheyseemtobeenlightened,butthemorecloselyyoulook atanyonethemoremysterioustheybecome.Closeobservation doesnt necessarily prove much. the Zen solution is to expose youtoendlesskoans.itsatry it and seeapproach. Koansarelittlestoriesfromthepointofviewofawakeninga lifeinwhichyouareunfaithfultoyoursorrows.therearealsolonger,novelisticstoriestoo,whichactasdoorwaystothekoans.the classicZenaccountsfromeastasiaallhavethesameplot:thestudentdoubtsthevalueandpurposeoflife,connectswithamaster, thoughthismightbeforaveryshorttimeevenaslittleasanight, orinadream,orjustthroughreadingakoan and usually works hard at meditation. then she achieves, often in unlikely circumstances orthroughsomeridiculouserrorinpractice, a breakthrough followed by a lasting joy and compassionforothers. heres a classic account of awakening fromhakuinekaku,aJapaneseteacherwho livedatastationvillageonthetokaidoroad under Mt. fuji about three hundred years ago.heusedkoansasamethodtoencourage enlightenmentexperiences,andallthekoan lines of Japanese Zen today descend from

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him. the nice feature of his accounts is the dramatic story he tells.heismoderninthatsense,ahighlyself-awareconsciousnesswhorecordsthehumanexperienceinlovingdetail,insisting onitsunconventionalaspects.hehastheromanticsingle-mindedness of a Victorian heroine, windswept on the moors. this samplingofhisstoriesbegins,ashakuintendsto,inthemiddle ofthings,whenhewasprettysurehismeditationpracticeand hiswholespiritualjourneywasgoingbadly: Still deeply dejected, I took up my begging bowl early the next morning and went into the village below Iayama Castle. My mind was hard at work on my koans. It never left them. I stood before the gate of a house, my bowl in hand, lost in a kind of trance. A voice within yelled, Go on! Go somewhere else! But I was so preoccupied I didnt even notice it. This must have angered the resident of the house, because she suddenly appeared, flourishing a broom upside down in her hand. She flew at me flailing out wildly, whacking away at my head as if she was bent on dashing my brains out. My sedge hat lay in tatters. I was knocked down

and ended heels-up on the ground. I lost consciousness and lay there like a dead man. As I regained consciousness, my eyes opened, and as they did, I found that the unsolvable and impenetrable koans I had been working onall those pointed cats pawswere completely penetrated. Right to the root. They had suddenly ceased to exist. I clapped my hands and laughed great shouts of laughter, frightening the people who had gathered around me.
fromWild Ivy: The Spiritual Autobiography of Zen Master Hakuin, translatedbynormanWaddell(shambhalapublications)

J o H n TA R R A n T is the author of BringMe

therhinocerosandotherZenKoanstoBring You Joy and the light inside the Dark: Zen, soul,&thespirituallife. He directs The Pacific Zen Institute, which is devoted to koan study and the arts.

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hakuintakesacloseinterestinthetexture of experience and the interactions between people.heisawarethatmotivesandconsequencesarewideapartinhumanaffairs, sohejustreportswhathappenssomeonechaseshimwithabroomstickwhile heislostinmeditationandheallows ustoimaginethemotives.hewavestowardtheconsequencesofhisawakening, butdoesntreallytellusmuchabouthow thingschangedforhim,andthismight beimportant.ifenlightenmentisunique then the exact consequences of someone elsesexperiencearenotgoingtobemuch like yours anyway. the story isnt meant to beaclosemapofajourneyyoumighttake,but rathernewsthatsucheventshappen,andthatthey mightcomefromanydirectionatanymoment. thereseemstobealotofindividualvarianceinhow awakening happens. some people have grand experiences thattransformthemovernight,andothershavesmallerglimpses offreedomthatseemtoruntogetherovertimeandchangetheir lives.theresalotoftraditionaboutawakening,andplentyof termsarefloatingaroundtonametransformativeexperiences. hereareafew: aha! epiphany enlightenment awakening Conversion satori Breakthrough secondorderchange Kensho realization Metanoia shift thesewordsdescribeadiscoverythatchangesthediscoverer, achangeindirectionofatleast180degrees.theyalsoindicate that this sort of change can happen suddenly, overnight. ive cometothinkthattheovernight,life-changingepiphanyisactuallynotrare.Youcanescapefrompirates,andprinceswilloffer youaglassslipper.hereisoneofthebasicWesternstories: st.paulhadarevelationthatknockedhimoffhisdonkeyon thewaytoDamascus,anoccasioncommemoratedinthechurch
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calendarbythefeastoftheepiphany.st.paulhadaharsh,intemperatestreakbothbeforeandafterhisconversiontoChristianity.Buthisexperiencetouchedhimwithadeepervisionthat madehimabletowritethewordsonlovethatarestillusedin weddingceremoniesallovertheworld.Whenigoogledthem,i washappytofindthatthefirsthit(withamisspelling)wasona websitecalledWeddingsVegasstyle: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, It is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil But rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, Always hopes, always perseveres.
1 CoRInTHIAnS:13

thesewordsmeltevenahardheartalittle;theyofferagenerousviewofbeinghuman.fallingoffthatdonkeynowseemsto havebeenagoodmove. anawakeningcanhappeninthemostmundaneofcircumstances.hereisanaccountofaChinesewomanthatoccurred beforeZenevenestablisheditselfinJapan:

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Yu was from Jinling and worked as a donutmaker. She used to visit Langya Chi, the Zen Master, and ask him questions along with everyone else. The Zen Master gave her Linjis saying, The true person has no rank, and she kept it with her while she worked. one day a beggar passed by singing The Delights of Lotus Flowers: If you havent heard the song, how can you find the Lake? Just hearing these words, she had a great awakening. She threw her donut pan onto the ground. Have you gone crazy? asked her husband. This isnt your business, she said and went off to see Langya. From a distance, it was obvious to him that she had found realization. What is the true person of no rank? he asked. Straight away she said, The person of no rank has six arms and three heads, and is working furiously, smashing Flower Mountain into two with one blow. For ten thousand years the flowing water doesnt know the spring. Yu the donut-maker became famous after this.
fromPacific Zen Institute, Miscellaneous Koans

Into the Depths Koans offer a kind of imaginative

mindfulness, says J o h n TA r r A n T. They bring attention to a deep reality beneath the level of our usual thoughts about life.
In the sea, ten thousand feet down, theres a single stone. Ill pick it up without wetting my hands.
t h e s W e e t n e s s i n t h e pat h ofusingakoanisthatitassumeswecan change.ifitreallyispossible,inthislife,tohaveacompleteandliberating shiftinthewayyoucomeatthings,well,thatsanamazingideatoconsider. ifyouunderstandthatanawakeningreallyispossible,thentherestcomes downmerelytoquestionsofmethod.andthatsthekindnessofthepath:the oldmastersays,sometimesitseemscrazytothinkit,buttransformation reallydoeshappen.sotryitout.goatit.andheresamethodforyou. Koansofferakindofimaginativemindfulness;theybringattentionto realitybeneaththelevelofourusualthoughtsaboutlife.thenyoucannoticewhatitslikewithoutthoseusualthoughtsaboutanissuedeath,love, work,children,marmalade.ifyouhaveanunanswerablequestion,thekoan isdesignedtoopenit. this koan brings images and sensations with it. theres water, earth, depth,sinking,lightfromabove,pressure,breath,movinginthedark,finding,meeting,meetingyourself,risingup,shallowness,animpossiblefeat, gettingimmersed,andbeinguntouched. Youcankeepcompanywiththekoandayandnight,withoutanyneedto assessormeasureyourstateofmind.sitting,walking,talking,typing,cookingtheyareallinthesea,tenthousandfeetdown. thekoanissomethingalivethatyouinteractwith.Youmightrepeatthe koantoyourselfcontinuallyandnoticeitspresencewhereveryoulook.it mightshortentointheseaortoastone,oritmightbecomeanimage, asound,aslightmovementoftheworld,analterationinyourview.When youareconnectedwithagreatkoanwhateverhappensinthemindissomethingthekoanisshowingyou. ifyourviewisunforgiving,thekoanmightshowyouthisbydrenchingyou init.ifyourmindattacksitself,thekoanwillshowyouthedreamlikequality ofbitternessandgrief.Youlearnthatyoucanendureyourownmindstates. thenyoumighthaveepiphanies,awakingupthatleavesyoulaughingfor months,oryoumightsimplynoticethatyourlifeischangingandthatwhen youreachforthem,yourhabitsofthoughthavegonemissing.theworldyou inhabitisuptoyou.thekoantakesawayourbeliefinemptyworlds. andhereistherealpoint:thekoancansurpriseyou.thereisnothing wrongwithfear,disappointment,andtherestofthepainsoflife,butthey arepredictableandthekoanisnot.Youcouldsinkdownbeneathanyunhappinessyouhaveknown.intheseatenthousand feet down lies a stone. With the koan,youcanmovewitheaseinthe deepsofyourownlife.

Yuwaswithherkoannomatterwhereshe was. the song, like the broomstick that hit hakuin,doesnthaveanythingtodowiththe content of the awakening, and actually she doesnt mention any particular thoughts that describewhatshehasdiscovered.instead,she herselfstartstotalkinthelanguageofkoans. (itmaybeworthmentioningthatmorethan onewomansawakeningstoryhasinvolveddisparagingtreatmentofdomesticimplements.) epiphanies,usuallymeaninganexperience thatconveyssignificanceanddepthandafresh view,occuroutsideofthespiritualcontexttoo. hereisgarcaMrquezonhowhebeganwritingfiction: one night [at college] a friend lent me a book of short stories by Franz Kafka. I went back to the pension where I was staying and began to read the Metamorphosis. The first line almost knocked me off the bed, I was so surprised. The first line reads, As Gregor Samsa awoke that morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic
page 109

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suddenawakening
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insect. When I read the line I thought to myself that I didnt know anyone was allowed to write things like that. If I had known I would have started writing long ago. So I immediately started writing short stories.
fromThe Writers Chapbook, editedbygeorgeplimpton(Viking)

atfirstthismightseemdifferentfrom what happens in a spiritual discovery, butperhapsitsnot.garcaMrquezwas trippedupbyKafkasopeninglinetheway hakuinwastrippedupbytheoldwoman with the broom. everything garca Mrquezthoughttobetruewasresetto zeroinamoment,andanewlifebecame possible.hefoundacapacitythathewas unawareofand,afterthatmoment,storiesbegantopouroutofhimlikerivers. itturnsoutthatthereisahugerangeof waystobeginanewlifeovernight. arthurKoestler,arobustandskeptical intellectual, reported an experience when he was in a prison during the spanishCivilWar,facingexecution. I must have stood there for some minutes, entranced, with a wordless awareness that this is perfectperfect.Then I was floating on my back in a river of peace, under bridges of silence. It came from nowhere and flowed nowhere. Then there was no river and no I. The I had ceased to exist when I say the I had ceased to exist, I refer to a concrete experience that is verbally as incommunicable as the feeling aroused by a piano concerto, yet just as realonly much more real. In fact its primary mark is the sensation that this state is more real than any other that has been experienced before.
fromThe Invisible Writing, byarthurKoestler(Macmillan)

about to be executed, was overwhelmed withlovefortheworld,includingtheman whowasabouttoexecutehim.Ich du liebe, he said, embracing his captor, and theembracewasreturnedandtheexecution forgotten. theres the one about the mountaineer who fell from a cliff toward hisdeath,awakenedonthewaydownand, fullofjoyevenabouthisfall,wassavedbya luckybounceintoatree.ilikethesestories becausetheyindicatethattherearenoconditionsunderwhichitiswisetorefuselife. fromthekoanpointofview,thisisoneof theconsequencesofawakeninglifeisalwayshereanditsalwaysforourbenefit. theres also a modern Japanese story that follows the hakuin model, and because its hero eventually became a koan teacherformanyWesterners,hisstorybecameinturnamodelforus.KounYamada lived in Kamakura after the second WorldWarandranahospitalandhealth systemintokyo.hiswifewasoneofthe first women to get an MD in Japan. he struggledtogethisfreshstartbymeditating on koans during his two-hour commutetotokyoeachday.oneday,onthe train home after a Zen retreat, he came acrosstheline,themountainsriversand thegreatearth,thesun,themoonandthe stars,arenoneotherthantheheart-mind. hewasimpressedbythiskoananditkept repeatingitselfinhisthoughts.hewoke atmidnightanditfilledhismind: Then all at once I was struck as though by lightning, and the next instant heaven and earth crumbled and disappeared. Instantaneously, like surging waves, a tremendous delight welled up in me, a veritable hurricane of delight, as I laughed loudly and wildly: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Theres no reasoning here, no reasoning at all! Ha, ha, ha! The empty sky split into two, then opened its enormous mouth and began to laugh uproariously: Ha, ha, ha! I was now lying on my back. Suddenly I sat up and struck the bed with all my might and beat the floor with my feet, as if trying to smash it, all the while laughing riotously. My wife and youngest son, sleeping near me, were now awake and frightened. Covering my mouth with her hand, my wife exclaimed,

Whats the matter with you? Whats the matter with you? But I wasnt aware of this till told about it afterwards. My son told me later he thought I had gone mad. Ive come to enlightenment! Shakyamuni and the ancestors havent deceived me! They havent deceived me! I remember crying out. When I calmed down I apologized to the rest of the family who had come downstairs, frightened by the commotion.
fromThe Three Pillars of Zen, editedbyphillipKapleau(Beacon)

this is an example of the fresh start underextremeadversity,apopularsubcategoryamongawakeningstories.there istheZenteacherwhoawakenedatthe momenthebrokehisleg.theresthestoryofaJewishcaptiveofthenaziswho,

like hakuins story, or Yu the donutmakers,thisisanexampleofanawakening sought within a tradition in which it is a desiredandexpectedoutcomeoftraining. itsdifferentinapproachfromthejust-hityou-over-the-head-for-no-apparent-reasonfreshstartthatKoestlerreported.Butif thesevariousawakeningshavesomething in common, how are we to understand themandwhatitistheyallshare? theresnotreallyalanguageforafresh start,sowemightstartbyusingtermsintendedforotherpurposes.itscommonto thinkthatpainfuleventscanmarkyoufor life.Childhoodhorrors,accordingtopsychoanalysis,driveallsortsofadultpathologycreatinganunhappinessimperviousto goodfortune.agenuinefreshstartwould correct the errors that build up in consciousness.itwouldeasethepainofwantingwhatyoucantget,ortheabsurdityof gettingwhatyouwantedandfindingthatit didntmakeyouhappy.afreshstartwould betheoppositeoftrauma:itwouldmark youwithadelightinlifethatalsoseemed irrevocable.thisisonewaytolookatwhat happenstousinawakening. in some ways, st. pauls very interesting epiphany led Christianity and much of european culture off on the wrong foot,becausepeopleformedtheideathat an awakening changes what you believe. that was wonderful for him, but changingwhatyoubelieveisprobablyirrelevant intermsofawakening.awakeningunderminesthestoriesyouliveby,aswellasthe way you make storiesor what you call a story. switching your thoughts is like switching rooms in what is essentially a prisonthemindhasmade.ButinawakS HAMBHALA S UN
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ening you cant find any walls or bars. Changing your beliefs about whats bad andwhatsgoodcouldevenbeanindicator that a more fundamental change has nottakeneffect. Zen people talk about emptiness because when you awaken, the maps that holdyourbeliefsaresuddenlygone.You also notice that new maps appear in the mind,evenwithoutencouragementfrom you.andasthenewmapsappear,youcan takethemasprovisional. inmyownpathofdiscovery,whenthe maps that had been given me ran out, i found that the obvious solution was to listen to the koans. that helped, though itdidntreallygivemeanothermap.the koans arent maps; they immerse you in the life that appears when you have steppedpastyourmapsintothevastdark. eachonehassomethingslightlydifferent tooffer;itsawayofbeinginconversation witholdmasters. and its also helpful to be in conversation with each other. During the Dark ages, the scholars gathered at places like theUniversityofparisandbegantodiscuss everything together. from time to time,peopletriedtostopthem,butthey persisted. Discussing everything led by hard roads to paying better attention to themindandtheworld,andeventuallyto theriseofscienceandlearning,thefuzzy logic in your toaster, an analysis of the shrinkage in glaciers, and the neuroscience underneath the convenient gadget thatwecallaself. from time to time, i wonder why i teach. the meditation is nice, but then theresallthefundraisingandadministration. to the amusement of his audience, one of the modern Japanese koan mastersusedtosaythathetaughtbecauseof badkarmaaccumulatedinapreviouslife. although, being tasmanian, bad karma maybeaplausibleexplanationforwhyi teach,i thinki doitbecauseconsciousness, koan work, and enlightenment are all social events. and as an artist of the koanworld,iliketocollectenlightenment stories. its interesting to see how other peoplecometoawakening.itsanimportantconversationtohavewitheachother.
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the nature of consciousness is the great human question, and a fresh start tells us something valuable about our capacities.itswellknownthatthemind makes errors, because its maps get out of date. Consciousness mistakes friends for enemies, confuses its thoughts and reality,startswarsthatharmitself.itcan miss what is good for itself; it can miss whatisgoodforeveryone.noticingthe provisional nature of our mental maps andpurposesmightbeoneofthekindestthingswecoulddoforeachotherand fortheplanet. the Zen task is to open the gates of theworldbeyondourprejudices.likethe Buddha,wecanstepawayfromeverything wearecertainabout.ithinkthatthispossibilityisthebestcontributionwecanmake to healing the flaws in consciousness and helpingtheworld.Unkindnesscomesout ofcertainty;whenwethrowoutcertainty, wehavethebarerealityofconsciousness, andanothernameforthatislove.
note

iwasaskedtowriteaboutZenandhave writtenaboutthepathoftransformation. its fair to mention that there is another flavorofZeninwhichpeopledontseek transformation.theirpositionisasubtle one,anditgoeslikethis:ifyouhavethe nature of awakening intrinsically, then anythingyoumightdotochangeyourself isunnecessary.ifyousetofftogetawakened, well, you are making trouble for yourself.theyhaveapoint:theparadoxin tryingtotransformyourownconsciousnessisthattheefforttochangeprevents change. its like thinking about not fallingwhenyouareonatightropeitsjust goingtoconfusematters.sothatschool, which is called soto, doesnt really use koans and favors simple sitting meditation and ceremonies as the embodiment oftheperfectionthatalreadyexists.that approach has its own virtues and shunryu suzuki, probably the greatest of the modernmastersinamerica,heldit.the twoschools,thekoanschoolandthenonkoanone,getmixedupofcourse,because awakening can strike you when you are notlookingforit.

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