6-25-05 Promo RAW

Title: Acid trip
Explanation: I can't think of a single bad thing to say about Maxx. I wish him the best in
life.
References: Far too many to count.
Replayability: 7.4/10
Sidenote: I like Bret Hart. I have nothing but the deepest respect for him and his family,
as well as their unmatched abilities in the ring. Same goes for Jonn.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Yo. I’m back, jerks. I’m the narrator.
Mr. Hahn: And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII’m in the group for credibility’s sake!
And a DJ in the group just for credibility?
Scrooge McDuck: Get on with it, already.
Sorry, Scrooge. Let’s fade into the promo, shall we?
Aaaaaaaaand….. BEGIN!!!
Dark lights fade in… wait a minute. The hell are “dark lights?” That doesn’t make ANY
sense at all. Let’s try again.
Aaaaaaaaaand…. GO!
Actually, no. Can I take this time to plug a new game? It’s called Pro Wrestling X, and
pre-orders are now being accepted. Take that, CJayC!
Carl Johnson: Wha you want?
Go away.
Will Smith: My jigga!
Stop.
Houdini: WHEEEEE.
I hate this!! I don’t know how the hell to start this promo!!!
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
Miko: It’s okay, dude. Just lemme take it from here.
Okay, okay. Sorry. You sure you can do this on your own?
Miko: Yeah!
But all they’ll have is dialogue. How the hell will they know what’s going on?
Miko: It’s kind of like reading lips, only with more talent. Try it now.
….Ooookay…..
---NARRAT0!R_1 has left the game---
Miko: Right now, I'm walking down a hallway. It's got, uh... walls. And lights.
And a hairy clown. Hey, Gary.
Gary: Hey, Miko.
Miko: He's a good guy, that Gary. Oh, look! It's my Tag Team Title belt wrapped
around my waist! I sure am cocky.
Gary: Stop it, Miko. Don't be selfish.
Miko: Gary? What are you still doing here?
Oh, hell. I'm so confused. I want to start this promo all over.
Director: Okay, cut! Let's take five, people.
Head Gaffer: I really hate this job.
Key Grip: Me, too. Thank goodness for the five minute break.
COMMERCIALS
COMMERCIALS
FIVE MINUTES OF COMMERCIALS
I LOVE PANCAKES
COMMERCIAAAAAAAAAAAALS!
COCAINE
Alright, let's try this again. Hi, I'm the narrator. And this is my show, WWEGSB
RAW!
Jonn: Stop it.
Miko and Luca attack Jonn.
Jonn: Ow.
As I was saying, we are a providential organization, with key concepts focusing on
the main frames of mechanics:
- Beer
- Phonetics
- Hypnotism
- Excruciating pain and relaxation
- Ex-Lax
- Phenomenon, starring John Travolta
Miko: What the hell is going on here?
Maxx: I'M INVADING YOUR PROMO NAAAARRR I'M GONNA WIN
Miko: I hate you, dipnagger!
Maxx: ..Dipnagger...?
Dipnagger of a director: I HATE MY JOB! THIS PROMO IS OVER AS OF

RIGHT NOW!!!!!
END PROMO
I faked out all of you, didn’t I? None of the above actually happened. HERE’S what
the real story is:
Miko: Alright! The RAW Arena!
The camera is trailing behind our protagonist through the parking lot from behind,
and he’s just arrived at one of the backdoors. A sign on the door reads “The RAW Arena.”
A sign beneath the first sign reads “Sorry if you don’t know how to read, because you
couldn’t read the previous sign.” Followed by another sign which reads “And that one.”
And another, “And that one.” “And that one.” “And that one.” “And that one.”
Miko: Wow, that’s a lot of funny symbols. Good thing I don’t know how to read.
Man, that gimmick will never get old, will it?
Reaching for the doorknob, Miko slowly opens the door. The darkness beyond is
gradually revealed as the door creeeeaks to a stopping point. Miko turns around and faces
the camera.
Miko: Let’s go, boys.
Hesitantly, he takes a few steps inside.. and trips.

Miko: Ow.
The cameraman walks in behind him, turns towards the wall, and turns on the light
switch.
Cameraman: That should help, young man!
Miko: Thanks, good chap!
Dusting off his knees, Miko kicks back up to his feet, picks his bag up over his
shoulder and keeps looking around. With the newfound light, we see that Miko has
walked into the hallway of fame. Not the hall of fame. And not the wall of fame. It’s the
hallway of fame, which has a wall of fame, which recognizes the members of the hall of
fame. It makes sense, it really does. Miko is amazed at the glory which surrounds him,
and clearly shows it with an awe-inspired… awe.
Miko: Aww….. err.. Ooohh…
George of the Jungle: That’s my line, but you can use it today.
Miko: Technically, you didn’t say that line. It was used by other characters in
your movie.
George: I’ll give you that.
Miko: Yo, cameradude, come check out some of this stuff!
The camera turns to the side and gradually pans past the wall. Inside the glass
cabinets are trophies, plaques, championship belts, pictures, team pictures, individual
pictures, individual championships, tag team championships, and posters. That clearly
didn’t need all that differentiation, but I’m bored.
Narrator’s Mom: Go outside.
I don’t wanna!
Mom: Ride your bike.
It’s got a flat tire.
Mom: Write a book.
It’s Summer! I just got DONE with school!
Mom: Read a book.

See the aforementioned response!
Mom: Get a job.
I have a job.
Mom: Go to your job.
I’m not scheduled today.
Mom: Go get a second job.
But then I won’t have any time to narrate!
Mom: Narrate.
That’s what I’m doing!
Mom: Good.
Good!
Mom: Fine.
Great!
Mom: Fantastic!
Okay!
Mom: You’re fired.
Screw you!
Mom: Say, where’d you put my liquor?
Under my pillow.
Mom: Ah, thanks.
No problem.
Miko: HEY! CAN WE GET BACK TO ME, PLEASE????????
Mom: Go to your room.

Miko: No!
Mom: Yes.
Miko: No!
Mom: Yes!
Miko: No!
Mom: Yes!
Miko: No!
Mom: Yes!
Miko: No!
Mom: Yes!
Miko: No!
Mom: Yes!
Miko: I HATE YOU!!! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!!!!
Miko storms upstairs. Good job, mom.
Mom: Fine, fine. I’ll just go make dinner.
Good. Bye.
Miko: Is she gone?
Yeah. Let’s continue.
Miko: Okay. Wow, look at all this great stuff. I’m surrounded by the peak of past
glories in the wrestling business. I don’t even deserve to be here!
*Poof!* A tiny devil appears on Miko’s shoulder.
Devil: Sure you do! You deserve everything! KILL THE PRESIDENT!
*Poof!* A tiny angel follows suit.

Angel: Now now. I don’t want to do anything harsh.
Devil: You won’t have to.
Angel: Oh. Okay. You know what? Everytime Miko tries to spell my name, he
ends up spelling “Angle” instead. That gives me an idea.
[Editor’s note: From this point forward in the promo, the part of “Angel” will be
played by 5-time WWE Champion and Olympic gold medalist, Kurt Angle. Aaah, that’s
better.]
Angle: I’ll make you tap, Devil!
Miko: Ku…Kurt..!! You’re..too… HEAVY!!!!
Miko’s shoulder collapses, and all three fighting figures fall to the ground.
Angle: This is your fault, devil!
Devil: Just bring it!
Angle: I’ll make you tap!!!!!
The Angle and the Devil start brawling in the middle of the hallway, and eventually
the referees and Sergeant Slaughter (How does he always end up in the middle of these?)
show up to break up the fight.
Angle: I’ll take you down, devil!!!! Come Sunday, your ass is mine!!!!
Devil: You’re going to hell… IN HELL!!!
[Editor’s note #2: This is a special request to the “powers that be” that the next FPV
features a special match:
ANGLE
Vs
SATAN
SELL IN A HELL
Rules: The loser is whoever breaks kayfabe first, out of the “pressures” of eternal
torment. Or whoever grabs the pink slip first.
I see ratings!]
Miko: Wow. That was fun. This must be what it’s like to be legitimately part of
the RAW Arena.
Dudley Do-Right: It’s true! If it’s in the papers, it must be true!!!
Miko: Especially since this is the first time I’ve ever been legitimately in this
place. There’s only been one other time that I’ve been inside these hallowed walls…
Hmmm…..
CUE THE DREAMY FLASHBACK-Y THING!!! You know, with the blurs and
clouds on the border and so forth. You know what I’m talking about. That’s right, we’re
heading into a flashback.
Nightfall. The year is 1999. Miko is sneaking around the parking lot outside the WWF
Monday Night RAW arena. He crouches down behind a sedan and waits for the security
guards near the backdoor to move along….
Guard: Man, I could stay in this very position all night!
Miko: Well, that’s unhelpful…
Guard #2: You know, it’s not like there are any young, blue-chipper wrestler
wannabes waiting in the parking lot for us to move along, just so they can break through
the backdoor and hope that it will help them find some sort of connection and then use
that connection to therefore break into the wrestling business, and so making it seem like
breaking through this door will be analogous to breaking into the business, and then
making it very important, which means that it’s important to him that we move so that he
can accomplish this very goal of his.
Guard #1: Holy run-on sentences, Batman. I just wet myself.
Guard #2: Follow me. I’ll help you clean it up. *Giggle!*
The two guards stagger away into the darkness, leaving the door unwatched.
Miko: Okay, Miko… This is it!
Looking both ways before crossing the parking lot, the young man dashes to the door
and runs inside, making as little noise as possible in the process.
Miko: Sweet! I made it.
Strangely, the corridor is completely dark.

Miko: Hm… I’ll need to watch my step. Don’t want to accidentally run into any
gu---
*Click click click click click click click*
The lights turn on, and Miko finds himself surrounded by a circle of cops, all with their
pistols out, loaded, and aimed right at him. Miko’s blue shorts somehow become
green.
Cop: What the…? This isn’t the serial killer! It’s just a kid!
In the blink of an eye, a mysterious shrouded figure sprints behind the cop.
Other cop: Meh. I’ll take care of this kid. You fella’s get back to base.
The police file out, except for the other cop. Now that he’s the only cop in the scene,
he’ll simply be referred to as “cop.” Actually, that’s not true. He’s actually just a rent-a-
cop. They were all rent-a-cops, really. Makes sense, seeing as how it was a rent-a-serial
killer. I wonder who hired him?
The Kingpin: *Ahem.*
I should’ve known. A few minutes later….
Miko: Hey! Lemme go! I’ll walk away myself, sheesh!
Rent-A-Cop: Sorry, kid, but it’s policy to forcefully take away 13-year-old boys
into dark alleys.
Miko: I’m not 13.
RAC: Irrelevant.
Miko struggles to get his arm out of the RAC’s grip, but it just doesn’t work. He
phails. Right before they reach the exit, a door opens from off to the side. Out walks a
skinny little guy with a black goatee and glasses. He is clearly dressed to wrestle.
Miko: Hey! Who are you?
Wrestler: Hello. I am tonight’s jobber and newcomer to the business, Little Jonn.
Miko: …You look skinny.
And green.
Miko: ..And green.

Jonn: I am green. It’s because I’m new. But don’t worry, I know my stuff.
Miko: Kaykay.
Jonn nods, smiles, and keeps walking. Miko keeps staring at Jonn… until he starts
growling, that is.
RAC: What the??
Miko starts foaming at the mouth, and then bites the RAC’s hand! The grip is
unleashed!
Miko: YOU’RE MINE!!!
Jonn: What the..?
The jobber turns around just in time to be speared by Miko. Miko starts assaulting
him with left and right hooks, in a series of mounted punches.
Jonn: Ow! What the hell’s the matter with you? Hey! Ow! Stop that!
RAC: That’s it!! You’re outta here, punk!!!
The cop pulls out a taser and puts it up to Miko’s right earlobe. The boy passes
out.
Jonn: Sheesh… That really hurt..
RAC: Sorry about that, sir. Go out there and job the life out of yourself!
Jonn: Uh… Thanks.
A few minutes later, Jonn is standing smackdab in the middle of the squared circle.
Since he’s a jobber, he doesn’t get an entrance. Sucker.
Finkel: And his opponent… THE BLUE MEANIE!!!!
Meanie comes down to the ring, does his disgusting groin dance thing, and so on.
DING DING DING!
Meanie gets into a pre-grappling stance, but Jonn grabs for a microphone.
Jonn: Hold it, hold it! I’m injured. I was attacked backstage by a rabid fan.
Benoit: A rabid… wolverine?
Jonn: No, a rabid fan. Go back to WCW.
Benoit: Yes, sir.
Benoit packs himself into a guitar case and is carried away in a semi-truck.
Jonn: Now, listen, Blue Meanie. Seeing as how I’m unfit to fight in this
competition, I’m going to… honor you instead!
Meanie raises an eyebrow. No one reacts, because he’s not The Rock.
Jonn: That’s right! You see, I know all about you. This is because I am known as
an “Internet smark.” At the present time, 1999, no one knows what that is. Well, a few
people, but not many. Within 6 years, however, we will become a hated band of outlaws
in the wrestling community! Legions of Vince McMahons will crush our dreams and
stomp on our testicles.. and we will like it, because Vince McMahon and his clone army
took the time to pay attention to us!
Crowd pop! I guess.
Jonn: Now, Meanie, despite what the WWF “wants” us to “think,” I realize that
you are not a newcomer in any respect! See, the WWF makes it seem like all wrestlers
that come from ECW are new to the sport.. but I know differently. I know all about your
run in the Blue World Order, or “b.W.o.” I’m also aware of how successful you were
with Big Stevie Cool and that other guy whose name Miko can’t think of. But that’s his
fault, not mine.
Suddenly, out from the crowd, runs Mr. Stevie Richards himself! Stevie Kick to Lil’
Jon!
Jonn: WHAT??
Meanie covers!
1
2
3
The End!
The door slams open, and Jonn staggers out of the building.
Jonn: Ugh… That was awful… I’ve never been so humiliated in all my days.. If
only I hadn’t been attacked by that little…
He looks to the side, and sees Miko sitting Indian-style in the middle of the parking
lot. Miko looks up and gives an innocent smile. Jonn just glares at him.
Miko: ..Is something wrong?
Jonn: Wrong? …”WRONG???” Let me tell you what’s wrong!! I just lost my
biggest opportunity to job correctly, all because you attacked me right before I had my
shot!! THAT’S WHAT’S WRONG!!!
Miko: You do know that wrestling’s fake, right?
Jonn: WHAT??? DON’T YOU EVEN---!!!! YOU SCREWED ME,

DAMMIT!!!! YOU! SCREWED ME!!
Miko simply stares off towards the sky.
Jonn: ..Are you even listening to me?
Miko: You know what…..?
Jonn (confused): …What?
Miko: You know what would be funny? Like, really funny?
Jonn: What?
Miko: If the letter “F” actually meant “EGSB.”
Jonn: …..
Miko: It’d also be funny if Pay-Per-Views were free.
Jonn: You mean, like…. “Free-Per-Views?”
Miko: Precisely!
Jonn: That gives me an idea. I'M OFF TO START MY OWN COMPANY AND
BECOME FAMOUS!!!!!
Miko: That man’s going to be a Led Zeppelin fan someday.

…Or President.
Of the United Arab Emirates.
Or rather, Oegsb the United Arab Emirates.
The dreamy cloud-border “woooooo” thing happens again, meaning the flashback
ends. Back to reality we go!
Holy Hell. What was THAT all about? Miko, I think that was a “special” kind of
flashback.
Miko: What..? How’d you experience my flashback, too?
We all did.
Miko: The hell…? How was everyone able to see my flashback??
We even saw that dreamy cloud-border “wooooo” thing. Both at the beginning and
the end.
Miko: You guys saw what was going on in my mind… There must be a camera
in my head, or something!
Out of the middle of nowhere, a stage light falls from the sky right in front of Miko’s
feet.
Miko: …Wait a minute… I’VE BEEN ON CAMERA THIS WHOLE TIME,

HAVEN’T I?!?!?!!!??!!!!
Oh, d-d-d-d-dear.
Miko: This could only mean one thing.. I must be on TV… I must be on a TV
show all the time… The Miko Show!!! Clearly, this show tracks my every move. Yes,
that must be…
He looks over to the side and sees a TV monitor on the table. On the TV is the shot
that we’re seeing.. of Miko looking at a TV, which shows Miko looking at a TV, which
shows Miko looking at a TV, which shows Miko looking at a TV.. until finally, it’s so
small (!!!) that you can’t see anything!!!
Miko: AHA! I AM on TV! I knew it. I was right all along!! It’s true, I’m secretly
being taped!! …I’ve… I’ve gotta find the secret cameras. Where are they??
The acid addict searches all over the hallway, looking for cameras. He grabs a broom
and smashes the ceiling light. He sticks his finger into an electrical outlet. He sticks his
head into an oven. ..Wait a minute, when the hell did this hallway turn into a kitchen?
With every passing moment, his frustration grows…
Miko: GRWAAHHH!!!!
See? When he can’t find any cameras around (and yes, that does include the only
camera that ISN’T hidden and has been watching him the ENTIRE time), he gives into
his anger.
Palpatine: Good… Good….
There goes a table, getting thrown into a wall! There goes a coffee pot, getting thrown
into a wall! There goes a wall, getting thrown into a wall! There goes a car, getting
thrown into jail! THINGS ARE BEING THROWN ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! THERE
GOES THE NARRATOR, GETTING THROWN INTO A WALL!!
Tommy: Miko! MIKO!!!
Miko: …Huh?
Miko looks up and sees his good friends, Tommy Page and Chuck Norris, standing by
his side. Tommy pats Miko on the back, in a small, pointless attempt to calm the kid
down.
Tommy: It’s okay. You’re alright. No reason to panic.
Miko: ..Oh, Tommy.. It was awful. Planes, monsters, and IBM/compatibles were
in my head.. laughing at me… laughing so much… so hard… so long… so delicious…
Tommy: ..Errr…
Chuck: You know, Miko.. I’ve been on TV for years. Quite honestly, it’s only
helped my sex life.
Out of the middle of nowhere, a hooker falls from the sky right in front of Miko’s
feet. She dies.
Chuck: Yep, this is just like the old days for me.
Miko: This is what you meant when you said it got you women?
Chuck: Yes sir.
Miko: So doesn't that make you a necro----
Chuck: --Have I ever told you about the time I went bull hunting in Venezeula..?
Suddenly, a bull runs through the hallway.
Chuck: Excuse me a moment.

Chuck whips out a tank from his back pocket, hops in, and chases after the bull.
Voice Offscreen, in the direction of the chase: GREAT HELL!!!! THEY

SPLATTERED MICHAEL COLE!!!!!
The camera pans over to the other hallway, where we see Coleslaw all over the floor
and walls.
Miko: I didn't even know Cole announced the show anymore.
Tommy: He doesn't. He's the plumber.
Miko: Looks to me like he was in the middle of making a pot of coffee for
everyone.
Tommy: ...Like I said, he's the plumber.
Voice Offscreen again: GREAT HELL!!!!! TEST JUST DIED FROM FOOD
POISONING!!!!!
Miko: I didn't know Test was part of our company, either.
Suddenly, several lawn gnomes parade past the two, playing instruments and
celebrating.
Gnomes: THANK GOODNESS TEST IS DEAD! TEST IS DEAD, OH TEST

IS DEAD!
Suddenly, a giant foot steps on the gnomes. A bunch of Gargoyles then parade by,
singing about how the gnomes are dead.
Gargoyles: THANK GOODNESS THE GNOMES ARE DEAD! THE

GNOMES ARE DEAD, OH THE GNOMES ARE DEAD!
The giant foot tries to step on them, but Goliath grabs the foot and shoves it away.
Goliath: Stop it, Goliath.
Goliath, the actual giant from the Bible: Sorry.
Goliath, the Gargoyle: It's okay, Goliath. Just don't let it happen again.
Goliath: Can we be friends, Goliath?
Goliath: Okay, Goliath:

Hudson: We should be going. I want to watch TV.
Lexington: Me, too!
Bronx: RUFF RUFF!
Brooklyn: I've got attitude! I don't care for anybody! WHAT!?
Bob Hoskins as Mario: It's true! We're ALL from Brooklyn! Take that, Bowza'!
Suddenly, everyone dies. Except for Miko and Tommy. A cleaning crew comes by to
destroy the evidence, and it seems like this promo is perfectly normal again.
Miko: Sheesh. That got messy FAST.
Tommy: Welcome to the big leagues, kid. Things get messy fast around here.
Miko: You mean, like, feuds and rivalries?
Tommy: I mean, like, paint. You see, we don't have many janitors. And those
that we do have are all ex-announcers.
Tony Shiavone walks by, sulking.
Tommy: See?
Miko throws a banana peel at Nick Patrick.
Nick Patrick: YOU'RE DISQUALIFIED!!!!!
JBL throws a banana peel at Nick Patrick.
Nick Patrick: YOU WIN!
The next day, Nick Patrick is honored at a Veteran's Society Meeting. And
somewhere, Earl Hebner is crying.
Bret Hart: REVENGE IS MINE!
Bret looks around his family's house.
Bret: Hey.. Where'd everybody go...?
Oh, wow. Even I thought that was tasteless.

Stewie: Unacceptable!!!
Maxx walks by.
Maxx: Hey, Miko.
Miko: Hey, Maxx.
Maxx: Are you going to promo against me yet?
Miko: Well, I would, but you seem fun. And we shared a house in the Sims 2:
Electric Boogaloo. We enjoyed each other's company a lot.
Maxx: Actually, you and I didn't interact very much in that game.
Miko: No?
Maxx: Nope. Well, I'll see you around.
Miko: Okay, later.
Maxx walks away.
Tommy: ...Well, aren't you the pacifist.
Miko: I planted a bomb in his pants. Watch.
Miko pulls out a remote and presses the button.
BOOOM!
Doug: THERE'S A BOMB IN THE LASAGNA!
Michael Hayes walks by, with marinara all over his face.
Miko: Wow.. How the hell did I confuse pants with lasagna?
Tommy: Beats me.
The camera pans out, and Tommy is revealed to be wearing spaghetti around his legs.
Maxx shows up again and chuckles.
Maxx: You know, Miko, you didn’t ask if you could use me in your promo.
Miko: That’s okay. I mean, it’s not like any of this is actually happening anyway.
Maxx: It’s not?
Miko: Nope. I’ll have this turn out to be a bad dream or something.
Tommy: I really hate it when movies end like that. It’s as if the writers develop
this huge conflict, and when they can’t figure out how to escape it, they make it turn out
to be a dream. With TV shows, it’s not that bad, because all the other episodes will most
likely be real. Even though it’s TV, which means that it’s not.
Miko: Aha, that’s my way out of this one. This is TV, which is fake. Therefore,
the things I make Jonn and Maxx do are fake. As long as this is presented to everyone,
then I’m in the clear. Yes?
Tommy: Yeah, okay.
Maxx: I can go with that.
Jonn: Works for me.
Miko: Good. Now to abuse this power..
Jonn and Maxx start doing a ho-down together. They continue on until the end of the
promo, or until I find something better for them to do.
Maxx: Yeehaw!
Jonn: SOMEBODY POISONED THE WATER HOLE!
Miko: Dance, puppets, dance! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Tommy: This is just like the opera.
The camera zooms out, and reveals that what we’ve been witnessing was actually on
another television monitor.. which Miko is leaning against. He has a big, wacky grin on
his face, and has clearly been enjoying himself for the past.. what, how long has this
been? Like 20 minutes or so? Geez, someone’s got HHH syndrome.
Miko: You see, Maxx, that’s what it’s going to be like for you on RAW. You’ll be
doing a ho-down just to keep up with me in the ring. Oh, yeah.
The camera zooms out a little more to show Tommy on the other side of the
monitor.
Tommy: ……
Miko notices Tommy’s blank stare, and pops up a little.
Miko: ..Whaaaat??
Tommy: “Doing a ho-down?” That’s the worst analogy I’ve ever heard. Sounds
like you’re trying really hard to make this tape connect to your match.
Miko: Well, “A” for effort, as they say.. Yeah?
Tommy: Not if your effort is pointless. Try a different approach. Something

reasonable.
Miko: Like what? Tell me what you’ve got in mind.
Tommy: I was thinking something like this…
Page turns to the camera and looks straight into it.
Tommy: Maxx, this is my world. Everything you do is controlled by my mind.

This is my playground, this is my playtime, and you are my plaything. Anything you try
to do will be defeated, because I’ll always be three steps ahead of your game. There is
nothing you can do to escape my fury. You want to kill Michael Cole? I’ll kill Test. You
want to be a Gargoyle? I’ll be from the Bible. You want to have sex with a dead hooker?
I’ll have sex with a live hooker. There isn’t anything you can do. Your time is running
out, Maxx. I’d say “Your move,” but the reality is that you’re already in “Checkmate.”
Miko: ……………
Tommy turns back towards Miko.
Miko: That was good. I like that. Can I try?
Tommy: Sure, go ahead.
Miko: Ma-----
Chuck: Hey, guys!!!
Chuck Norris walks on-screen, interrupting the very beginning of Miko’s

monologue.
Miko: Chuck! What can we do you for this fine day?
Chuck: I just want you to know that the reports are in… you’re a hit! Both of
you are!
Tommy: Really?
Miko: I could’ve told you that.
Chuck: The kids especially are really looking up to you guys. Everything you do
– every single thing – they’ll mimic it.
Miko: Hurray for us!
Tommy: No, not hurray for us. Think about all the things we’ve been doing that
are unsafe for adolescent and even pre-pubescent males.
Miko: Like what?
Tommy: Like all the stuff you just said.
Miko: You mean like tripping on acid?
Tommy: And talking to Scrooge McDuck.
Miko: And planting bombs.
Tommy: And attacking wrestlers backstage.
Miko: And chasing bulls.
Tommy: And befriending gnomes.
Miko: And sleeping with dead hookers.
Chuck: --Oh! That last one reminds me.. I want you to meet a real special kid.
He’s done every single one of those things you listed.
Miko: Really? Fantastic!
Chuck: Yup. [Towards off-screen] Come on over!
From off-screen left, in walks Haley Joel Osmond.
Tommy: Well, hello little visitor!
Osmond: Actually, it’s little partner now.
Miko: Well, I’ll be damned.
Chuck: …..
Tommy: ……
Miko: ………..
Osmond: ..Chuck told me that I have AIDS.
Miko: ……….
Chuck: ………….
Tommy: …………….
Osmond: …………………..
Miko: This is awkward.
To interrupt the awkward silence, a voice comes over the PA.
Voice: Miko, I’m the one who created you.
Miko: God? You need to use a microphone?
Voice: No no, not God. Your secondary creator.
Tommy: Oh, you mean Ed Harris?
Voice: Exactly. But you can call me Christof. It’s my stage name for this show.
Miko: What show?
Harris: The Miko Show.
Miko: I knew it.
Tommy: Are you sure it’s “Christof?” I thought it was “Cristof.”
Miko: Really? What about “Christoff?”
Chuck: That can’t be right. It’s “Cristoph.”
Osmond: No, it’s actually “Christoph.”
Harris: Fine, fine, fine! Just call me Ed!
Everyone: Hi, Ed!

Ed: Hello, everyone. Now, I want you to end this promo. It’s gone on FAR too
long.
Chuck: I agree.
Miko: I don’t.
Goliath: I do.
Miko: Which one are you?
Goliath: Both of us. We fused.
Miko: Wow, that’s almost funny.
Goliath: Almost?
Miko: You need to do something silly, like slipping on a banana peel.
Goliath: Okay.
Goliath slips on a banana peel, and falls off a cliff. Everyone laughs, and the camera
fades out.
END PROMO

6-25-05 Promo RAW

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6-25-05 Promo RAW

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Title: Acid trip

<i>Yo. I’m back, jerks. I’m the narrator.</i>

<b>Mr. Hahn:</b> And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII’m in the group for credibility’s sake!

<i>And a DJ in the group just for credibility?</i>

<b>Scrooge McDuck:</b> Get on with it, already.

<i>Sorry, Scrooge. Let’s fade into the promo, shall we?

<b>Carl Johnson:</b> Wha you want?

<b>Will Smith:</b> My jigga!

<b>Miko:</b> It’s okay, dude. Just lemme take it from here.

<b>---NARRAT0!R_1 has left the game---</b>

<b>Gary:</b> Hey, Miko.

<b>Gary:</b> Stop it, Miko. Don't be selfish.

<b>Miko:</b> Gary? What are you still doing here?

<b>Director:</b> Okay, cut! Let's take five, people.

<b>Head Gaffer:</b> I really hate this job.

<b>Jonn:</b> Stop it.

<i>Miko and Luca attack Jonn.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> What the hell is going on here?

<b>Maxx:</b> I'M INVADING YOUR PROMO NAAAARRR I'M GONNA WIN

<b>Miko:</b> I hate you, dipnagger!

<b>Dipnagger of a director:</b> I HATE MY JOB! THIS PROMO IS OVER AS OF

<b>Miko:</b> Alright! The RAW Arena!

<b>Miko:</b> Let’s go, boys.

<i>Hesitantly, he takes a few steps inside.. and trips.</i>

<b>Cameraman:</b> That should help, young man!

<b>Miko:</b> Thanks, good chap!

<b>Miko:</b> Aww….. err.. Ooohh…

<b>George:</b> I’ll give you that.

<b>Miko:</b> Yo, cameradude, come check out some of this stuff!

<b>Narrator’s Mom:</b> Go outside.

<i>I don’t wanna!</i>

<b>Mom:</b> Ride your bike.

<i>It’s got a flat tire.</i>

<b>Mom:</b> Write a book.

<i>It’s Summer! I just got DONE with school!</i>

<b>Mom:</b> Read a book.

<b>Mom:</b> Get a job.

<i>I have a job.</i>

<b>Mom:</b> Go to your job.

<i>I’m not scheduled today.</i>

<b>Mom:</b> Go get a second job.

<i>But then I won’t have any time to narrate!</i>

<i>That’s what I’m doing!</i>

<b>Mom:</b> You’re fired.

<b>Mom:</b> Say, where’d you put my liquor?

<b>Mom:</b> Ah, thanks.

<b>Miko:</b> HEY! CAN WE GET BACK TO ME, PLEASE????????

<b>Mom:</b> Go to your room.

<b>Miko:</b> I HATE YOU!!! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!!!!

<i>Miko storms upstairs. Good job, mom.</i>

<b>Mom:</b> Fine, fine. I’ll just go make dinner.

<b>Miko:</b> Is she gone?

<i>Yeah. Let’s continue.</i>

<i>*Poof!* A tiny devil appears on Miko’s shoulder.</i>

<i>*Poof!* A tiny angel follows suit.</i>

<b>Devil:</b> You won’t have to.

<b>Angle:</b> I’ll make you tap, Devil!

<b>Miko:</b> Ku…Kurt..!! You’re..too… HEAVY!!!!

<b>Angle:</b> This is your fault, devil!

<b>Devil:</b> Just bring it!

<b>Angle:</b> I’ll make you tap!!!!!

<b>Devil:</b> You’re going to hell… IN HELL!!!

<b>Dudley Do-Right:</b> It’s true! If it’s in the papers, it must be true!!!

<b>Guard:</b> Man, I could stay in this very position all night!

<i>Poof! A tiny devil appears on Miko’s shoulder.</i>

<i>Poof! A tiny angel follows suit.</i>

<i>Click click click click click click click

<b>The Kingpin:</b> Ahem.