one guys was smoking in front of a building and keep smoking.

The second came and said, for how may yrs u r smokin, the guy said for 10 yrs. He said do u know if you multiply the money u spend over smoking, over the yrs and add them you ca n buy this building. The guyx said, do you smoke, ...he said bragging NO! The xguy said, Is this building is urs..???hahahha /////////////////////////////////// One guy was lying over a beach and another old man came and said, u r wasting ur time, guy asked what shld I do. The old man said, do work hrad, earn moeny. The guy said, what I will do then...the old man said, then u can relax in a beac h ... the guy said, what u think i am doing now..:))) ///////////////////////////////// There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon th e water was coming over the porch and into the house. The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on bo ard said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us." The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left. A little while la ter the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and agai n told the old man he had to come with them. The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again. An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached th e old man, and tried to get him to come with them. Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save him." So the boa t left him again. Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "You dummy! I tried. I sent three boats after you!!" ////////////////////////////////////// There was a blonde that lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue. She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, sh e thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed. In a panic she called 911. They answered and said "This is Joe, is there an emer gency?" The blonde replied "Yes my shed is on fire!!!" Joe said, "Don't panic help in on the way...where do you live?" The blonde said, "IN A HOUSE, NOW HURRY!!" Joe calmly responded back, "How are we supposed to get there?"

The blonde answered back, "DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!" ///////////////////////////////// The lady who suicide and jump over the building...the arab beauty! ///////////////////////////////////// A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. T hey were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischie f occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in discipli ning children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agree d, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and ask ed him sternly, "Where is God? They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his m outh hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his c loset, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the clo set, he asked, "What happened?" The youngest brother gasped for breath and replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time dude. God is missing and they think WE did it!" /////////////////////////////// Three girls walk into a bar; a brunette a red head and a green haired girl. The bar tender asks the brunette how she keeps her hair so brown. The brunette combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural it's natur al. Then the bar tender asks the red head how she keeps her hair so red. She combs h er hands through her hair and says, "It's natural, it's natural. Then he asks the green haired girl how she keeps her hair so green. She sneezes into her hands, combs her hands through her hair and says, "Its natural, its nat ural." ////////////////////// There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their bab ies to be born. The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're th e father of twins!" He says, Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins. The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets ! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M." The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks,

Where's the third father?"

One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window. The nurse asks, "Why?" He replied, "He works for Seven Up!" ///////////////////////// A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arr est your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup. //////////////////////// A prince had a curse put on him when he was a little boy. He could only speak tw o words every year. But, if he didn't speak for a whole year, he would then be a ble to speak 4 words the next year and so on. One day he met a princess named Josie and he wanted to say "My Princess". The next year he saw her he wanted to say "My princess, i love you". The third year he saw her he wanted to say "My princess I love you, will you mar ry me?" But, the young prince, now growing older knew he would have to wait a co uple more years. So, on the fifth year, excited to finally present his question, he visited the p rincess. He approached her respectfully and asked, "JOSIE, MY PRINCESS, I LOVE YOU. WILL YOU MARRY ME?" And the princess said, "Pardon? //////////////////////////// If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated i nstead of just murdered? /////////////////////// "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire.'" Everyone but Philip began to write furiously. He just leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" "I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied. //////////////////////// Formula For Water The teacher asked, "What is the chemical formula for water?" Little Johnny replied, "HIJKLMNO!!"

The teacher, puzzled, asked, "What on earth are you talking about?" Little Johnny replied, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!" ////////////////////// Math Homework Son: Dad, will you do my math for me tonight? Dad: No, son, it wouldn't be right. Son: Well, you could at least try... ////////////////////// ////////////////////// ////////////////////////// woman and 10 men in aeroplane and they have to safely land...one need to go out woman emotional speech...and at the end avery man start clapping..! /////////////////// introduce me to john I dont have bmw and house or vellay like my friend john but I love you and adore you. She hugged me like ther eis no tomorrow and then looked into my eyes with tears in her eyes and wishperred in my ear...if you tryely love me..introduce me to john..:))))) /////////////////////////// An old farmer wrote to his son in prison. "This year I won't b able to plant pot atoes because I can't dig the ground, I know if you were here you would help me." The son wrote back, "Dad don't think of digging the ground because that's where I buried the guns." Police read the letter and the very next day the whole groun d was dug by police looking for guns but nothing was found. The next day the son wrote again, "Now plant your potatoes Dad, it's the best I could do from here.. //////////////////////// A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary tol d him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in. Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man." He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?" "No," said the man, "I just came in to install the phone." /////////////////////////// There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a g reat writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole worl d will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff t

hat will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation. //////////////////////////////