Understanding Gender and Negotiation

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Introduction : As we all know, there are several issues involving gender differentiation in negotiation

processes. Here I would like to state what factors that contribute toward bad negotiation between opposite gender. This is because there are many conflicts occur during a man and a woman making negotiation, whether they are in the work place, house, or even in the car. In short assumption, negotiation process between different gender will start with bad assumptions, filled with arguments and end with unsettle feeling. Conflicts between difference gender are more complicated and hard to be solved. For example, a man can easily negotiate with another man because they in think the same ways, where both of them seek for quick agreement to get the job done. Men are determine in finishing their job even if they are facing lose-lose situation. On the other hand, unlike woman whose are more sensitive and intuitive, they tend to make relationship and the negotiation process often take a long time to end at an agreement. Women always seek win-win situation even it was hard to achieve. This will lead to problem because a long negotiation may irritate men because it was their natural behavior for being rigid and aggressive in finishing their job. For some peoples, this situation may look simple but in crucial situation such as important decision making, gender understanding is very essential in negotiation. This is because negotiation is a tool to solve conflicts and to get win-win situation, where both side are pleased. To be a successful businessman, people need to understand gender differentiation in negotiation processes and how to overcome it.

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Problem statement :

Emphasis in negotiation According to Deborah Kolb, 1994, men and woman have different emphasis in negotiation. This is because since they are a boy and a girl, they learn communication and
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languages from different approach. Because of their sensitivity and intuitive, most of the female are looking for an opportunity to build relationships or community in negotiation. And, this is the main reason why people said that women are poor negotiator. But, men are mostly sees negotiation as a contest or competition where there will be only one winner. This is the main reason why an important task always given to man. So, according to these statement when men negotiate with female, they will be controlling the conservation because for them, it was a contest or competition. In this situation, women will feel pushed and conflict may occur.

Communication strategy Men and woman have different communication style. Here it was said that female use communication that can give them an opportunity to create community and connection. This is because female are more sensitive, they love to make good relationship rather than making profit. For men, they use communication style that can give them an opportunity to establish status and position. They are more rational and logical. For men, first priority is to finish the task or job given. So, in this situation, female will feel less appreciated by the man and conflict will occur. They will feel disrespected by the man because they are more concern in creating community and connection.

Views about parties and issues There are different views between men and woman. Men and female have different opinion about the same issue that they discuss in a meeting or something. There some issues that man may took it easily, but for female it might be taken seriously. For example, when there are a meeting in school about how to expense school budget, there will be argument. For female school principals, they would be prefer to spend most of the school budget on decoration. But, for male school principals, they would prefer to spend most of the school budget on sport facilities. Here there different views about the issues of spending school budget.

Body language There are some body language mistaken or misunderstand when negotiation involving different gender take place. For example, women nod to indicate encouragement while men nod to indicate agreement. For women, smiling excessively will makes them look less serious by the man. But, women might think it can make the negotiation become more friendly and harmony. Besides that, having a weak handshakes indicate passivity for both genders. Negotiators are supposed to have a confident handshakes before starting negotiate. Tilting head also give different meaning where men view head tilting as submissive, where as women use it to signify interest. Being aware of these differences in body language and communication styles will help both female and male negotiators during a negotiation.

Genderlects The gap between gender also can lead toward unsuccessful negotiation. The gap that exist between men and women are communication and languages usage. Men and women will use different vocabulary to describe something. Deborah Tannen, 1990 takes an approach consistent with difference feminism. From childhood, boys and girls learn different approaches to language and communication. Tannen calls these different approaches "genderlects." Females engage in "rapport-talk" that refer to a communication style meant to promote social affiliation and emotional connection. Meanwhile men engage in "report-talk" that refer to a style focused on exchanging information with little emotional import. These rapport-talk and report-talk prove that men and woman have obvious different in characteristic. The differences in metamessages, that Tannen shows, result in misunderstandings between men and women.

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Important issues :

Gender discrimination There are also gender discrimination that occur in negotiation. Gender discrimination also known as sexism or sex discrimination. It is defined as prejudice or discrimination based on sex, or conditions or attitudes that foster stereotypes of social roles based on sex. Sexism is a form of discrimination or devaluation based on a person's sex, with such attitudes being based on beliefs in traditional stereotypes of different roles of the sexes. Sexism is not just a matter of individual attitudes but is built into many societal institutions. The term sexism is most often used in relation to discrimination against women, in the context of patriarchy. Sexism involves hatred of or prejudice towards a gender as a whole or the application of gender stereotypes. Sexism is often associated with gender supremacy arguments. So, when we are negotiating with people from opposite sex, we need to identify whether he or she is sexism. If he or she is sexism, we need to take immediate action such to avoid lose-lose situation in negotiation.

Different culture Culture in terms of language meaning of human life while the angle of the term, however, states that culture is a way of life for people, including thinking, the beliefs, opinions and habits of thought and way of life that drive human behavior. Culture is usually associated with activities in the human environment, such as art, goods, food, dance and so forth. In the context of cultural differences, conflicts can occur when there are parties who are not able to understand, respect and thoroughly the culture of other parties before the consultation. This occurs when the insult culture that has long been practiced by others. When the joke about this particular consultation undertaken then be met with failure. The opinions that want to throw and is associated with the lifestyle of local communities must be addressed carefully and not blindly up to hurt the hearts of others. This action could damage the climate negotiations. Climate negotiations will be bland and a consensus cannot be achieved.

In the Malay culture, the most important religious factor because it is the policy response to the environmental, social and physical infrastructure. For example, if the entrepreneur who profess other religions other than Islam wants to negotiate with Muslim entrepreneurs, they need to keep things clean and unclean sensitivity. If they do not respect other religions and cultures of the negotiations will not succeed. Also, if entrepreneurs from outside the country cannot afford to follow the guidelines set by the culture of a country such as beliefs, customs and laws, they would be viewed negatively by those who want them to negotiate. All our actions must be kept to ensure the successful negotiation and most importantly, to respect and understand other cultures and decided to hold consultations.

Building a Relationship or Getting the Job Done One of the most obvious differences in communication is through the use of language. According to Dr. Deborah Tannen, women tend to use conversation as a tool to build relationships, establish connections and to share experiences. This is referred to as rapport talk. The purpose is not to convey a particular message, but rather to develop and build a relationship. On the other hand, men tend to rely upon report talk the purpose of which is to share information. Thus, when a woman undertakes a conversation designed to engender rapport and a man understands it as a report, the man responds by trying to fix what he perceives to be the problem. However, the woman may feel that the man is trying to tell her what to do and is frustrated and disappointed because she expected empathy, not help. Oftentimes, professionals (lawyers and mediators) may misunderstand the difference between the two types of speech. The professional may assume that the client needs to have something fixed rather than the clients need simply to be understood. Conversely, the client may want something done immediately and/or a solution proposed, and the professional simply listens empathetically. One solution is for the professional to further inquire of the client as to the clients purpose and/or goal of sharing the information.

Encouraging or interrupting Gender differences may not only dictate how the parties speak, but how they listen as well. Women tend to use more insertions - asking short questions, nodding, etc. while the other party is speaking. This is done in order to seek out more information and to show support and understanding by the listener to the speaker and is intended as a validation and encouragement. Women are generally more accustomed to this style of overlapping speech. However, men may see this overlapping speech not as reinforcement and empathy, but as interruption. If a man wants to report talk and get his point across, he finds overlapping speech annoying and disruptive and may say, Just let me know when you are finished interrupting me so that I can finish my sentence. What was intended as validation and rapport has backfired.

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Theory :

The Ritual of the Fight Ritual opposition is the process of debate, the art of the fight and the enthusiasm of mustering all your arguments in order to defeat the other sides position. While women tend to hedge more than men, men tend to use ritual opposition more than women (except in the world of trial lawyers, where both sexes may excel in this style of argumentation). True ritual opposition is not personal attacks or denigrating the other side but winning an argument through persuasive skills and logic. But, there is no attention paid to building rapport, creating a relationship, or allowing the other party to save face. Therefore, it may be misinterpreted as a personal attack or insult by someone who is not used to this style of negotiation. Lawyers and mediators should normalize the concepts of ritual opposition and hedging with their clients so that misunderstandings do not occur.

Apologies Think back to your childhood. Who among us doesnt remember their mother apologizing when it rained at a picnic? But, for a woman, this apology is not accepting responsibility (she obviously did not cause the rain) but is expressing concern, empathy, or sadness about something that has happened. By contrast, men will usually only apologize when something is their responsibility or their error. Thus, a woman apologizes when the elevator door shuts on someone who is trying to get in (even if she is in the back row and cant stop the door from closing), because she feels sorry that something has occurred; the man would probably not apologize unless he was in a position to have kept the elevator door open, but did not reach it quickly enough. This causes confusion between the sexes. Men may assume a woman is accepting fault and taking responsibility when she apologizes, but she may simply be trying to restore a relationship or build rapport. A woman may assume that a man is uncaring if he doesnt apologize, but if he is not personally at fault for what has occurred he will see no reason to apologize. As mediators, we often see the opportunity for an apology to build bridges and settle cases. But, before determining how easy or how hard it will be to get an apology, it would certainly be beneficial to explore the different kinds of apologies that people may be seeking.

Self confident According to Nina Meierding, have you heard the one about the blonde? It is true that a womans sense of humor tends to be more self-deprecating and internal. A woman might say, You will never believe what I did the other day whereas a mans humor tends to be more external, You will never believe what Joe did the other day Women tell jokes about themselves, but men tend to tell jokes about others. Again, these gender differences may cause confusion or misunderstanding as a woman may appear to be lacking in confidence and selfesteem and putting herself down when she uses internal humor. A man may be seen as making a personal attack when he mentions the foibles or misdeeds of someone else, instead of the joke he intended. Additionally, certain topics of humor are acceptable if discussed among women, but if a man attempts the same joke with women, it will backfire. Conversely, there are jokes to be
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shared among men that are not humorous if spoken to men by a woman. Humor is often used to dilute tension, diffuse anger, and to build rapport, but humor passes through gender filters. What may be intended may not be what is heard.

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Suggestion :

Understand gender Gender understanding is important in determining whether that particular negotiation successful or unsuccessful. To become a good negotiator, people need to understand how their target thinking. In this situation, negotiator must know what expectation wanted by the target and use it to get good resolve.

Avoid bad presumptions People tend to make presumptions about people they communicate with. Especially when they communicate with other people that they dont know. Making presumptions are natural for human being, but it will affect our ability to negotiate if we have bad presumptions. To maintain a good negotiation, we need to avoid bad presumption about other people. In different gender cases, men usually make bad presumptions about women. For example, men think that women are not able to make quick decision and take risk. Meanwhile, women also make bad presumptions about men. They think men are always thinking about win and not sensitive.

Understand massages that are being delivered Another example of linguistic differences is hedging, which is more often used by women than men. A woman may tend to downplay certainty of a particular outcome by suggesting perhaps it would be better to try to find another solution, whereas a man is more likely to downplay doubt and be more direct, My client absolutely rejects that offer. Its too
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low. A woman may use hedging even when dealing with someone who is in a lower power position than herself. This is done is order to achieve her goals, but also to maintain a relationship. Men, however, tend to use hedging when dealing with people of higher power than themselves, but not with people of equal or lower power. As professionals, we need to understand the difference between the use of hedging and actual uncertainty. While a lawyer can capitalize on the insecurity of the other party and create an opportunity for his or her clients gain, the lawyer could also be misreading signals. Also, a mediator may see a hedger as someone who is indecisive and unsure and therefore may try to seek a concession from the path of least resistance. However, hedging does not mean that a person is indecisive, simply that they are trying to soften criticism, maintain a relationship, or help the other party save face. Therefore, a hedger may resent the implication that they are unsure, weak, timid, or insecure about their own position. The lawyer or mediator may be actually creating more resistance with the hedger by pushing him or her to make concessions. Professionals need to listen more clearly and ask more questions before they can determine if someone is hedging or is, instead, simply unsure.

Putting It All Together A skillful and sensitive negotiator will listen for and be attentive to the different styles of communication and language used by men and women. An understanding of these differences can help mediators translate the way in which someone is speaking, so that the message can truly be heard by the other party rather than being lost due to miscommunication. And, if a man hedges and a woman uses ritual opposition, dont be surprised, we are all individuals, after all and generalities are just that. Studying gender communication is extremely helpful in navigating the minefields of miscommunication, however it is also imperative that we do not take generalizations and make them into stereotypes which can create more problems. The next time you are in conversation with your spouse, mediating between a man and a woman, or representing a client, see if your enhanced knowledge helps to promote a more effective means to resolving the dispute.

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Conclusion : When people communicate or interacting with each other, there will be conflict occur and

negotiation is needed. Negotiation is an important tool in solving problems and conflicts. The outcomes of a negotiation can be said to result from the personal characteristics of each person, the interpersonal relationships of the participants and situational factors. One important factor is gender. There have been a countless number of studies on gender differences in negotiation, but generally the results are uncertain. Competitive negotiation research and theories maintain that power is a significant predictor of behavior and success in negotiation while research in collaborative negotiations maintains that there are strong gender differences. However, these differences can be reconciled. Women may naturally be inclined to negotiate collaboratively but because of experience in competitive negotiations they have learned to be flexible and negotiate both ways depending on the circumstances.

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