Declaration of Fraydependence

(By the Fray Poster Mr Mike)

The Unanimous Declaration

of the Turdwads of Ballotbox

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one Fray people to dissolve the political bonds which
have connected them insanely with each other, and to assume among the heated powers of the globally warmed
earth, the separate and unequal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle only a few of them, a
decent respect to the wacky opinions of Fraykind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to
the separation.

We Fraysters hold these half-truths to be self-evident, that all men are not created equal, that some are well
endowed by their Creator and have certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of
crappiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their lust powers from the
consent of the sheeple. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of
the Fraypeople to whine or to take more shit, and to run away and institute a new government, laying its foundation
on weak principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety
and happiness for government handouts. Dear Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established
should not be changed ever and that term limits shall never be suffered; and accordingly all experience hath shown
that Fraylibs are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms
to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object
evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to yank out their white
flags, and to appease their masters and whimper accordingly. --Such has been the patient sufferance of those Fraylib
colons; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of flatulence governance.
The history of the present Frayeditor is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the
establishment of an absolute apathy over these Frays. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his assent to bannings and scrubbings, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good for
Fraylibs.

He has forbidden his servers to do searches correctly, preview or retain archives of immediate and pressing
importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has
utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to provide preference for the accommodation of large groups of whining Fraylibs, unless those people
would relinquish the right of representation in the Fray due to their own hypocrisy, a right inestimable to them and
formidable to Fray tyrants only.

He has called together sweaty bloated bodies at places unusual like Club Fray, which is uncomfortable, and distant
from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved representative threads repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of
the Fray people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be ejected; whereby the editorial powers,
incapable of annihilation, have returned to the fray people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the
meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and weird convulsions from some Fraylibs within.

He has made Fraylibs dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their orifices, and the amount and payment of
their services.

He has erected a multitude of new orifices, and sent hither swarms of Fraylibs to harass Fray people, and eat out
their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, stinky arms without the consent of Fraysponsor.

He has affected to render the Fray servers independent of and inferior to Microsoft power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our morning constitutional, and
unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended acts of concern:

For quartering large bodies of sweaty fat Fraylibs among us:

For protecting them, then sometimes mocking them, for the wacky things which they should commit on the readers
of these Frays:

For cutting off Fraylibs from common-sense:

For imposing Pop-ups and Drop-downs on us without our consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of embedded pictures in posts:

He has abdicated Editorial responsibility here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging a war of apathy
against us.

He has plundered our Fray, ravaged our posts, burned our toast, and destroyed the lives of Fraylibs who have no
other lives.

He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign Faries to complete the works of Floral Arrangements, Graphics
Design, and Hair Styling, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most
barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the pinhead of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Fray citizens to squeal against their own, to become the turncoats of their friends and
brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands into a masturbatory Fraylib glee.

He has excited domestic housekeepers posting amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our
final frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of call center management and outsourcing, is
undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated emails
and posts in Fraywatch have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by
every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free Fray people.

Nor have we been wanting in attention to our FrayEditor brethren. We have warned them from time to time of
attempts by their apathy to allow a free fire zone. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration
and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and love of the color mauve, and we have conjured
them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our
connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must,
therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of
Fraykind, enemies in lore, in peace friends.

We, therefore, the representatives of Frayland, in General numbnuts ourselves, assembled, appealing to the Supreme
Judge of the Frayworld for the rectitude of our lazy intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good
Fray people of these Fray boards, solemnly publish and declare, that these united Frays are, and of right ought to be
free of pop-ups and drop-down menus; that they are absolved from all allegiance to MSN, and that all political
connection between them and the Daily Show, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent
Fray, they have full power to wear Levis, go fishing, post crap, establish a pecking order, and to do all other acts and
things which independent Frays may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the
protection of a spellchecker that actually works, we mutually pledge to each other not a damn thing….