8 rules of email etiquette

by Woman's Day, on Mon Jul 18, 2011 2:44pm PDT 206 Comments Post a Comment Read More from This Author Report Abuse

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By Petra Guglielmetti

8 Rules of Email Etiquette

Committing a major email faux pas is a lot easier than you think. One minute youre forwarding a seemingly-innocent email to friends and family, only to find out that youve unwittingly offended half of your contact list the next. Many of us think of cyberspace as a casual arena where anything can be said and done for laughs. However, as email becomes an increasingly popular form of communication, its important to choose your words wiselyand to be conscious about who you send them to. So before you dash off a hasty message, make sure you avoid these eight all-too-common email blunders.

1. Dont Abuse the Reply All Reply all is like saltit should be used only when needed, and with caution, says etiquette expert Jodi Smith. Only use reply all when everyone on the list of addresses requires your response. Most of the time, it is sufficient to only reply to the person who sent you the email. Of course, every email program displays things differently, so sometimes you dont even realize youve replied all until your cubicle neighbor gently informs you that the entire company just received your snippy response about the new vacation-approval policy. When responding to an email, its always a good idea to take a moment and confirm that its only headed to your intended recipient.

2. Be Careful with the Bcc The Bcc: option allows you to blind carbon copy someone on an email without any of the other recipients knowing. Its useful in certain instances, like when youre sending a message to a large mailing list and wish to keep peoples email addresses private, or when you are requesting information

from a group and want to make sure replies only come to you. But Bccing can also backfire, big time. Say you email that snippy woman from the PTA and Bcc your best friend so she can take a peep; if the best friend hits reply all, PTA lady will get her response, and youll be busted. The best Bcc rule of thumb: Never use it for sneaky reasons!

3. Avoid Casual Cursing Its fine to %*@* this or $&@# that, as long as youre emailing a friend or close coworker, right? Wrong. You may think youre venting to someone close to you, but if the recipient forwards that email, you no longer have any control over what you said, Smith explains. And you know how things can get forwarded again, and again, and again. Email is a permanent document that can always be retrieved and used against you, warnsetiquette consultant Jacqueline Whitmore. For people who arent familiar with your sense of humor, cursing can make you look ignorant or extremely frustrated, so keep that in mind next time your want to let off a little steam via email.

4. Dont Be Lazy About Grammar Its a slippery slope: First, you stop capitalizing the first letter of sentences. Then you stop forming complete sentences. Next thing you know, even backspacing to fix a blatant spelling error feels way too strenuousnever mind double-checking your grammar usage. When even your bosss emails lack grammatical correctness, its easy to relax your standards. However, keeping your grammar bar high makes you stand outin a good way. In this economy, you need to be as polished and professional as possible, Smith says. Especially in business, your competence is judged by observable behaviors. Poor grammar, punctuation and spelling can signal incompetence. Streamline your typing with these 15 keyboard shortcuts you probably dont know.

5. Always Respond After plowing through the contents of your inbox on a busy workday, its easy to forget to circle back and respond to messages. Take the time to reply as you go (even just to say you got the email), and youll avoid that constant, nagging feeling that youve forgotten something. In general, aim to reply to emails within 24 hours. However, you dont have to respond to every email, Whitmore says. For example, if someone thanks you in an email, you dont have to email them to say thank you for the thank you. Use your best judgment.

6. Watch Out for Uppercase Overkill In email land, writing in all capital letters means YOU ARE YELLING AT SOMONE. Unless thats what youre going for, better unclick that caps lock button. To emphasize one word, place *asterisks* around it instead, Whitmore suggests.

7. Be Wary of Attachment Overload The 11 photos of your new puppy you sent to your best friend wont seem as cute when theyre causing her email to take 11 minutes to loador crashing her computer completely. Always ask permission before sending large attachments, Whitmore advises. When in doubt, save documents in a PDF format, which will help prevent download problems.

8. No Unnecessary Use of Cuteness If you enjoy using emoticons (smileys, the surprised face) and acronyms (LOL, BTW, TTYL), at least banish them from your professional correspondence. They can be distracting, confusing, or worse, make you seem more like a high schooler than a trusted colleague. One thing you should be including in all your business emails: a signature that provides your full name, title, work address and phone number.

How to Say No Gracefully

Learn how to politely decline time commitments without the guilt

By Beth Levine Posted December 15, 2010 from Woman's Day; January 1, 2011

Photo: Jessie Ford/Woman's Day

No. Its one of the shortest words in the English vocabulary, but its also one of the most difficult for many of us to say. We all know that setting limits will lower our stress level and save our sanity, but sometimes we are caught off guard by people who simply wont take no for an answer. Read on to learn how to put your foot down with these master manipulators. The Flatterer Whether its the friend who tells you how smart you are and how much shed appreciate your help on a volunteer project shes working on, or the school mom who insists that the students will be so disappointed if you dont make your specialcupcakes for the class holiday party, the flatterer plays to your vanity by making you feel indispensable. Reality check: If you want to help out because it gives you pleasure, fine, but no one is irreplaceable. If its not brain surgery, others can do itmaybe not with your pizzazz, but it will get done and the cosmos will not explode in the process, says Susan Newman, PhD, author of The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say Itand Mean It and Stop People- Pleasing Forever. Your response: Turn the tablesflattery goes both ways. Instead of giving in, put the ball in the flatterers court. Say something like, Youre such a fabulous bakerI could give you the recipe! Why dont you try your hand at it; Im sure the kids would love it.

The Guiltmeister Your mother insists that you never callnever meaning your three calls a week arent enough. Or your friend sighs that you seem to have time for everyone but herand does it while the two of you are together having lunch. Reality check: Step back and get perspective. If it were a perfect stranger in your position, what would you think? If your grown kids behaved this way toward you, how would you feel? Ask a friend for some insight. If it seems like a bigger minefield than you know how to handle, consider talking to a psychotherapist to help you sort it out. (Find one at locator.apa.org.) Your response: You cant do enough for some people, so dont try, says Dr. Newman. Arguing is futileyoull never winso just calmly tell the other person how its going to be. Mom, Id rather we didnt have this same argument over and over. If we cant talk about something else, lets hang up and call back when we can. Or tell your neglected friend, Im sorry you feel this way, but I try to see you as much as I can.

The Saboteur Youre committed to losing those excess pounds, but every time you go out with a certain friend, she tries to get you to order dessert. Just this one time cant hurt! she says. But you cant come and not have the chocolate cake! The saboteur tries to validate her choices by making you behave as she does. Reality check: Be a leader, not a follower, and think about how angry youll be when the number on the scale climbs after all that hard work. Saying no is not about selfishness but about self-respect. Youre standing up for what is right for you, says William Ury, PhD, cofounder of Harvard Universitys Program on Negotiation and author of The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No & Still Get to Yes. Your response: Stand firm, and then redirect the conversation. You dont need a lot of excuses or explanations. No, thank you. Tea is just fine for me. Are you going to watch American Idol this season? I wonder how the new hosts will be. the whiner Every time your coworker receives a difficult assignment, she starts in on how unfair it all is, that shes the one who always gets the hard stuff. She keeps going until you finally offer to help just to make her stop complaining.

The Whiner Every time your coworker receives a difficult assignment, she starts in on how unfair it all is, that shes the one who always gets the hard stuff. She keeps going until you finally offer to help just to make her stop complaining. Reality check: Even if she has a pointyour boss does give her more difficult workthis has nothing to do with you. Its between her and the boss, and its up to her to deal with it. Your response: Cut her off at the pass before she really gets rolling. You know, you may have a point. This does seem to be a pattern. Why dont you set up a meeting with the department head to see if you can sort this out?

The Bully Bullying among grownups is more common than you may think. A 2007 study of nearly 8,000 working adults conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute found that 37 percent of workers had been bullied. Adult bullying can take many forms, but the bully always uses his anger and intimidating demeanor to get you to do more than you want. Reality check: No matter what you have done or not done, no one deserves to be treated disrespectfully or in a threatening manner. Your response: A bully wants to get under your skin, so dont let him see you sweat. Dont respond in anger (he feeds on negative emotions) and dont allow yourself to be browbeaten into doing something you dont want to do. A calm, quiet, firm, neutral voice is more powerful than a loud no. It conveys more self-control and strength, says Dr. Ury. Speak assertively and be very clear about what you want to happen. Say, I dont appreciate being treated this way. Come back when you calm down, or I think Ive made myself clearI wont discuss it anymore.