The Fairly OddParents

“Dog's Day Afternoon” (AN 11 MINUTE SCRIPT) #103

Written By: Steve Marmel First Draft: 3/16/00 Revised: 3/22/00 Final Draft: 3/27/00

Nickelodeon Animation Studios c 2000 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

faDE IN: ext. - the turner house - early evening It’s still light out. MOM and DAD are in their car, about to leave. VICKY is visible in the window. DAD Bye Timmy! Bye Vicky! We’re going!!! VICKY Bye, Mister and Mrs. Turner! Timmy’s face pops up in the window. TIMMY NO!! DON’T LEAVE!! TAKE ME WITH YOU!! Vicky pushes Timmy’s head back down. The parents turn away toward the car. They listen as... VICKY (O.S.) (condescending) I love you! Yes I do! Mom and Dad smile contentedly. MOM Aw, listen to Vicky! Isn’t it great to have a baby sitter that loves our Timmy so much? VICKY (O.S.) You’re so smart and cute and well groomed! DAD And she’s so complimentary! Usually you gotta pay extra for that! cut TO: int. - the turner house’s living room - same CLOSE ON VICKY VICKY ...that’s why I love you, Doidle! THE CAMERA PULLS BACK TO SEE VICKY petting her obnoxious weenie dog, DOIDLE, who clearly loves the attention. THE CAMERA PANS OVER TO TIMMY, standing near the fishbowl. COSMO and WANDA are floating inside, as fish.

TIMMY Man, I hate it when Vicky brings her stupid, new pets over. WANDA She sure does love that dog more than she loves you. COSMO She loves everything more than Timmy! WANDA Dust bunnies? COSMO More than Timmy... Measles? WANDA Much more than Timmy... Dead bugs? COSMO Less than Measles but more than Timmy. (off Timmy’s glare) But we love you more than all of that stuff! Vicky and Doidle walk up to Timmy. Doidle hands him a piece of PAPER. It’s a “TO DO” list which is written over a “We Love You Timmy” note from his parents. VICKY Your parents left a to do list for you. TIMMY (accusatory) Hey! This is a list of things to do for your dog! In your handwriting! Vicky makes her hand into a fist. VICKY And the hand that wrote it, makes this! Move it! dissolve TO: ext. - turner house - later In the pouring rain, Timmy holds an UMBRELLA over the dog as it sniffs a FIRE HYDRANT. The dog grabs the umbrella, covers himself and runs inside. It stops raining.

TIMMY At least it stopped raining. Suddenly, a TRUCK rolls by, splashing him with dirty curb water. Doidle then runs back into frame and “shakes off” all over Timmy. It begins to rain again. VICKY (O.S.) Doidle! Twerp! Dinner! dISSOLVE TO: int. - turner house dinner table - minutes later Timmy is waiting anxiously with KNIFE and FORK in hand. Vicky enters, carrying a fancy STEAK DINNER. TIMMY Oh boy! Steak! VICKY Not for you! Vicky boots Timmy and his chair aside, sliding him over to where a frozen TV DINNER waits. Doidle hops on the table and begins enjoying his steak. VICKY For you, Doidle! Timmy uses his fork and picks the frozen dinner up in one mass. It drops to the floor. Timmy dives for it, but the dog leaps into frame and eats it in one gulp. He smiles at Timmy, gives him a Muttley laugh, goes back to his steak and gobbles it up. VICKY All done! ON TIMMY licking his empty plastic TV dinner tray... TIMMY (starving) Oh boy… plastic... Timmy takes a bite out of the tray and we... dISSOLVE TO: int. - the bathroom - later While Vicky stands in the hallway reading her Teen ‘Zine, Timmy

brushes and flosses the happy little dog’s teeth. VICKY Cool! Teen singing sensation Chip Skylark likes selfish redheads! I’m in! Timmy looks at the dental floss. There is a piece of STEAK on it. TIMMY Oh boy! Steak! Before he can eat it, Doidle does. Timmy looks at the floss. TIMMY Oh boy...floss... As Timmy eats the floss, we... dissolve TO: int. - timmy’s bedroom - later Timmy files and buffs the dogs nails. The dog looks at his nails and demands they be polished again. The Godparents watch from their fishbowl. TIMMY Man, this stinks. I’m this dog’s dog! WANDA Isn’t that a rap group? COSMO Word! TIMMY If I switched places with Doidle, Vicky’d treat me as nice as she treats him! WANDA Great idea Timmy! TIMMY Yeah! It’d be great to be a dog! Dogs have a better sense of smell than us, and they can go to the bathroom anywhere they want! COSMO So can I! I’m just polite! TIMMY I wish I could switch places with Vicky’s dog! The Godparents wave their wands and POOF! Timmy and Doidle’s

heads open up like trash can lids and their brains switch places. Timmy’s brain is now in the dog’s body, and the dog brain is in Timmy’s body. The door latch jiggles. The Godparents POOF into their fishbowl just as Vicky enters. VICKY (To Timmy’s Body) You! Bed! (To Dog’s body) Ooo come wif mee! The dog with Timmy’s brain, jumps into her arms and they exit. Timmy’s body leaps onto the bed, spins around, balls the blankets into a “nest” and quickly falls asleep. dISSOLVE TO: int. - living room - later that night Vicky is talking to Doidle’s body. VICKY You’re the best dog ever! Say you love me! Say it! DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN BARK BARK! BARK! BARK BARK! FROM TIMMY’S POINT OF VIEW TIMMY’S VOICE FROM DOG BODY ...and you’re not smart, and you’ve got a big fat head, and boys think you’re creepy, and... POV CHANGE DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN BARK! VICKY That’s a good Doidle! It must be great being a dog! Doidle - now being controlled by Timmy - smiles. cut TO: INT. - timmy’s bedroom - later CAMERA PANS across a table littered with tattered SCHOOLBOOKS. CAMERA STOPS on Doidle who is swallowing a BOOK PAGE. The Godparents watch from the fishbowl. TIMMY’S VOICE FROM DOG BODY

Cool! I can eat my own homework! Int. - living room - a few minutes later Vicky is holding Timmy’s BASEBALL MITT out to Doidle. VICKY C’mon! Chew up Timmy’s baseball mitt! Doidle gets mad and grabs a loose thread off Vicky’s shirt. He runs, unravelling it completely, yet tastefully. She covers herself with her arms.

VICKY Aaaagh! My shirt! Vicky runs o.s. Doidle sits happily, with the shirt in a tangle at his feet. Doidle spots Vicky’s magazine. He walks over to it and lifts his leg, smiling slyly at the camera. dISSOLVE TO: int. - living room - later Doidle hits the TV REMOTE with his paw and channel surfs as he eats ICE CREAM. Vicky is wringing out her magazine. VICKY That’s it, Doidle, you can chew what you want, piddle on what you want, and eat what you want tonight! Know why? TIMMY’S VOICE FROM DOG BODY Because you don’t know I’m actually Timmy, you mentally deficient... DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN BARK BARK! VICKY That’s right! Because tomorrow’s your special day! The day you get fixed! Doidle is stricken with terror. DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN Yipe! He quickly scurries O.S. cuT TO:

int. - timmy’s bedroom - seconds later Timmy’s body is still asleep as the dog body runs back in. He jumps up next to the fishbowl. TIMMY’S VOICE FROM DOG BODY You guys gotta put me back in my old body! I wish I was back to normal! POV SHIFT as the Godparents look at the dog. DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN Bark! BARK BARK! Bark! WANDA Timmy sure seems excited! What’s he saying? COSMO I dunno! I don’t speak dog! Vicky enters the room as we hear the Turner’s car pull up outside. timmy’s voice from dog body What do you mean you don’t speak dog?!! Learn! Learn! cosmo He seems happy though. wanda Look at his little tail wag!! VICKY Come on, Doidle! The twerp’s parents are home... Stop barking at those stupid fish and let’s go! Doidle jumps under Timmy’s bed. Vicky leans under and looks for him. VICKY Doidle? on doidle cowering under the bed DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN Me-Ow! Vicky pulls Doidle out from under the bed, his nails scraping and crumbling on the floor. COSMO Aw...Timmy just filed those. WANDA

Timmy’s leaving! We should follow him. On the bed, Timmy (with the dog brain) opens his eyes. He sees what’s happening, laughs a MUTTLEY LAUGH to himself and goes back to sleep. COSMO But which Timmy is Timmy? WANDA That’s a good question! You go with the dog body. I’ll stay with the Timmy body so the dog doesn’t ruin it. They start to float their separate ways. There’s a moment, and Cosmo’s lip starts to quiver. WANDA What? COSMO We haven’t been apart since we’ve been married. WANDA But it’s only for a little while, goopy! And the rules do say... COSMO AND WANDA ...we have to watch out for Timmy. COSMO (sung) I married the smart one! COSMO poofs out of frame. WANDA (singing) I married the...well, he’s cute, right? dissolve TO: ext. - vicky’s house - later that night PUSH IN ON VICKY’S HOUSE - We see the dog looking forlornly out the window. VICKY (O.S.) You’re going to love your new veterinarian! He’s fixed all my pets! dISSOLVE TO: int. - vicky’s house - continuous

Vicky shows off all of her pets. We pan over to see a tired CAT, a depressed GOLDFISH and a lethargic PARROT. VICKY Like Chipper the cat! Happy the goldfish! And Giddy the parrot! GIDDY Polly wants a... (defeated) Aw, who cares. The CAT walks over to Doidle. CAT Did she give you a steak? Doidle nods his head. CAT (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY) Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! The cat exits. Cosmo -as a FLEA- hops on the dog’s nose. COSMO (whispering) Psst! Timmy! It’s me! As a flea! TIMMY’S VOICE FROM DOG BODY Hey, Cosmo! Listen to me! You’ve gotta get me outta here! I... POV SHIFT DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN Bark! Bark! COSMO Don’t worry, Timmy. Wanda’s gonna make sure everything’s fixed. The dog winces. COSMO What? Fixed? DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN Arf! ARF ARF! Arf! COSMO Arf arf, right back at ya, champ! If you need me, I’ll be on your butt!

Cosmo hops onto Doidle’s butt. We ZOOM IN to the FUR on Doidle’s back which stands around Cosmo like a forest. COSMO Pretty cool! The great outdoors! And no wife! Yeah! I’m gonna swing, daddy-o! I’m gonna call my old friends! Cosmo poofs A LITTLE BLACK BOOK into frame and begins flipping through the pages. COSMO Let’s see... Wanda... Wanda... Wanda... Wanda with a little star next to it... Wanda... Panda... No, that’s a Wanda with a smudge on the “W” I... I... I MISS WANDAAA! dISSOLVE TO: int. - timmy’s bedroom - same time Wanda, floating by the sleeping Timmy body, talks on a CELL PHONE.

WANDA That’s right, Cissie! I’ve finally got some time to write my novel! Timmy’s body starts having a doggie dream and begins kicking his feet. Wanda hangs up. WANDA I wonder what dogs dream about? Wanda magics a THOUGHT BUBBLE above Timmy’s head. We see a BONE, a beautiful pink POODLE, the bone, the beautiful pink poodle, flashing back and forth. That’s it. WANDA At least you know what to get him for his birthday! Wanda sits at her TYPEWRITER and begins punching away. WANDA At last, a romance novel to shake the ages: (typing) It was dawn. I was in my towel when the Ninjas attacked... Match dISSOLVE TO:

int. - the turner house - morning (day 2) Wanda is STILL typing. WANDA ...saving the world with a popsicle stick, roller skates and butter. MOM (O.S.) Timmy! Breakfast! The Timmy body instantly wakes up, bolts off the bed runs to the door and scratches it desperately with his hands. TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN FOOD! FOOD! OUT! OUT OUT!! Wanda waves her wand and Poof! A little DOG DOOR appears, which the Timmy body scurries through. She resumes typing. WANDA Chapter four: The wind cried Cosmo! cUT TO: int. - kitchen - seconds later Timmy’s body runs into the kitchen, where Mom and Dad are eating breakfast. He leaps on a CHAIR, sitting like a dog. A BOWL OF CEREAL waits for him. He plows his face into the bowl, licking it clean. MOM Wow! He sure is hungry! DAD No... no... that’s just the way all the kids eat cereal now! Face first! Dad plows his face into the cereal bowl as well. DAD I’m hip! We HEAR a SCHOOLBUS horn. Timmy jumps up and runs out the door. TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN SCHOOLBUS! CHASE! CHASE! CHASE! Dad lifts his face out of the cereal. DAD Wow! Does Timmy love school or what? Dad plows his face into his COFFEE CUP.

DAD Aaa! Hot! It doesn’t work with hot! cUT TO: ext. - the turner house - same time Wanda follows Timmy in the form of a SPARROW as he runs for the BUS. TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN BUS! BUS BUS! BUS! WANDA I miss Cosmo, but having a little time to myself is pretty nice! I hope he’s having a good time... cUT TO: int. - vicky’s house - ON doidle - SAME TIME Cosmo, still a flea, is talking to OTHER FLEAS as they “drink” (with STRAWS) from the dog body. Cosmo looks disheveled. He’s showing them PHOTOS of himself and Wanda. COSMO (Crying from loneliness) And this is me and Wanda buying drapes. And this is me and Wanda buying pillows. cosmo (cont’d) And this is me and Wanda buying candles and potpourri. And this is me saying yes a lot! The fleas look at Cosmo with indifference. cut TO: ext. - timmy’s school - same time Timmy with the dog brain comes bounding up the steps, running into CHESTER and AJ. CHESTER Dude! What’s the hap? Timmy’s body goes behind them, sniffing their butts. close-up on aj AJ I have to say, this is a massive violation of my personal space.

on timmy, chester and aj timmy with doidle’s brain Friend! HAPPY HAPPY! FRIEND! HAPPY! He starts wagging his butt. Chester gives AJ a “he’s crazy” motion. Timmy bolts into the school. INT. SCHOOL BATHROOM A bunch of BOYS and FRANCIS THE BULLY mill about. Timmy- followed by Chester and A.J. - runs into the bathroom, sees the TOILET, shoves his head in and starts drinking. A.J. Wow! Timmy’s tough! CHESTER Yeah, Francis! He’s tougher than you! FRANCIS Nobody’s tougher than me! Francis then shoves his head in a toilet and drinks. All the other kids, wanting to be like Francis, follow suit. A MALE TEACHER walks into the rest room and sees the boys with their heads in the toilets. He slams his face inside of a toilet and drinks! TEACHER I’m hip! diSSOLVE TO: ext - a tree near the school - a little later Wanda sits in a tree, having tea with several other FEMALE FAIRIES. WANDA It’s great to see you girls! You mean you’re free because all of your kids switched places with animals today? FEMALE FAIRY ONE Oh, sure. Kids do that all the time. FEMALE FAIRY TWO My little Denise switched places with a frog. WANDA Don’t they dissect those? FEMALE FAIRY TWO Oh my gosh!

Female Fairy Two disappears instantly. WANDA Well, better check on Timmy! cUT TO: ext. - schoolyard - lunch Chester and AJ sit, eating SANDWICHES on the playground. AJ Does Timmy seem a little off today? In the background, we see Timmy leap into the air and catch a FRISBEE in his mouth. KID Hey! Gimme that! Mine! Mine! CHESTER No. Why? You mean butt thing? ANGLE ON: A KID playing baseball. He whacks it hard. Timmy drops the Frisbee and chases the BALL over a FENCE. TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN Ball! BALL BALL! BALL!

CHESTER Man, does Timmy love baseball or what? CAMERA PANS OVER to a LITTLE GIRL who catches a FLY out of the air. Just like a frog would. Two other LITTLE GIRLS look at her curiously. LITTLE GIRL#1 Wow. Does Denise loves flies or what? cut to: ANOTHER PART OF THE schoolYARD Wanda and Female Fairy Two are standing by a tree. Female Fairy Two is holding her “FROG,” still alive but taped to a BOARD. The ball flies by, with Timmy in hot pursuit. TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN Ball! BALL BALL BALL!!!

WANDA Timmy! Oh my gosh! FEMALE FAIRY TWO Not so easy, is it, fancy pants? Susie hops like a frog through the scene. cut TO: int. - the vet’s office (waiting room) - same time Vicky drags Doidle in. His nails are still scraping at the floor. Two other DOG OWNERS with TWO OTHER DOGS -- a golden retriever and a Rottweiler -- sit in the waiting room. The dog (with Timmy’s brain) looks at them. GOLDEN RETRIEVER Hi! I’m Chet! I like chew toys! ROTTWEILER Hi! I’m Barry! I like Chet and biting mailmen! DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN Run! Save yourselves! You’re not here for a check up! You’re here for... POV SHIFT DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN Bark! Bark bark! GOLDEN RETRIEVER AND ROTTWEILER YIPE! The two dogs book off frame. The Vet -- DR. SNIPOWITZ -- enters from the back. VET Alrighty, who’s next? Vicky! The vet greets her like an old friend. The vet stamps Vicky’s FREQUENT VISITOR’S CARD. VICKY Hi! Doctor Snipowitz! VET Why, Vicky! That’s ten pets! You qualify for the commemorative video! We follow Vicky and the vet into... cUT TO:

int. - vet’s office - continuous The Vet leashes Doidle to the table leg. Vicky starts looking at the vet’s SURGICAL INSTRUMENTS. VICKY What’s this one? VET We call that the pushy thingie! And this is the pully lifty thingie. And this is the pushy pully lifty thingie. And this... The vet picks up a DEVICE with more sharp widgits than a swiss army knife. VET ...is the snipmaster 8000. VICKY OOOOoooooooo. ON COSMO - He finally understands and whispers in the dog’s ear. COSMO Oh my gosh! She’s gonna have you fixed! Why didn’t you say something? DOIDLE (Growls) Doidle is panicked! The vet moves in closer. VET I don’t know which thingy to use first! DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN Well, I gotta do it sometime. Timmy bites the Vet on the butt. VET Yeow!!! The vet drops the Snipmaster which slices through the leash. Doidle runs through the window to freedom. VICKY Doidle! cUT TO: ext. - the vet’s office - same time

Cosmo and Doidle are running along the sidewalk when Doidle stops to sniff the air. His dog body points at something OS. DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN BARK! BARK BARK! Cosmo looks in the dog’s direction. COSMO What is it boy? From Cosmo’s POV, we see Timmy’s body hauling down the street after the ball. TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN BALL! BALL! COSMO Hey Timmy! It’s Timmy! And Wanda! DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN Bark! cUT TO: ext. - a busy street - seconds later The ball bounces down the street. Timmy chases it. timmy with doidle’s brain Ball! A city BUS nears Timmy’s body. Wanda turns the bus into a JET. It takes off, barely missing him. WANDA Timmy! cUT TO: ext. - a park - a few seconds later SLOW MOTION ACTION Timmy’s body is about to grab the ball when Doidle (with Timmy’s brain) leaps into the air and grabs it away from him at the last second. TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN Mine! Mine mine! Gimme! DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN RRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr! ON COSMO AND WANDA

They arrive at the park, just after Timmy and Doidle. They’re finally reunited! Cosmo looks like hell and Wanda looks great! COSMO Honey! WANDA (sniffing) Stinky! COSMO Man, I had the worst day without you, puddin! You? WANDA Uh...well... (a beat; then to distract) HEY! Timmy and the Dog are together! ANGLE ON TIMMY AND DOIDLE FACING OFF. TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN Mine! Ball! Gimme gimme gimme! DOIDLE WITH TIMMY’S BRAIN ARF! ARF! TIMMY’S VOICE FROM DOG BODY ... I need you to say “I wish I was back in my own body!” TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN No way. COSMO AND WANDA He can talk? TIMMY’S VOICE FROM DOG BODY You can understand me?

TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN Duh! I speak dog. It’s my native tongue! I’m just a jerk! TIMMY’S VOICE FROM DOG BODY But you can wish us back to normal now! TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN I may still have a dog’s brain, but I’m not that stupid! I have thumbs now! I can eat when I want now! Sure, I can’t go to the bathroom any

where I want, but why would I want to go back to being a dog? Timmy’s body leaps on Doidle’s body and they start fighting! on cosmo and wanda WANDA Oh my gosh! Timmy and Timmy are fighting! COSMO You know, lollipop, when we were apart, I was so lonely... WANDA Oh no! Timmy just bit Timmy! COSMO Timmy this! Timmy that! I get so jealous! WANDA That’s it! Wanda changes into the sexy POODLE from Doidle’s dream carrying the BONE from his dream in her mouth. Timmy’s body zips into frame. WANDA Hi there, big boy! TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN Hi! I’m Doidle! Is that a bone? I like bones! You’re a pretty poodle! I like pretty poodles! WANDA I was just looking for the right dog to give this big, juicy bone to! Timmy in the dog’s body catches on. He moves in on Wanda, nuzzling noses with her. TIMMY’S VOICE FROM DOG BODY Hi! I’m the real Doidle! TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN No! I’m Doidle! WANDA (to Timmy’s body) Ha! You’re not a dog. You’re just a boy with a silly pink hat. ON THE FRUSTRATED JEALOUS DOG IN TIMMY’S BODY.

TIMMY WITH DOIDLE’S BRAIN I am not! RRRRRRRrrrrrr! I wish I was a dog again! POOF! Timmy magically switches places with the dog! TIMMY Cool! (to Wanda Dog) You think my hat is silly?? The dog, now back in his own body, turns to the Wanda dog. DOIDLE Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf! WANDA Sorry. I’m happily married. She poofs off frame. The dog looks around and sees the bone. Cosmo reaches into frame and grabs it. COSMO Thank you! You’re right! Thumbs rock! He poofs O.S. leaving bummed Doidle poodle-less and bone-less. Timmy grabs Doidle before he can run away. DOIDLE BARK BARK! BARK BARK! Timmy looks back toward Cosmo and Wanda who are now disguised as CATERPILLARS. TIMMY (whispering) I wish he had a muzzle. A MUZZLE instantly snaps around Doidle’s mouth. TIMMY (whispering) And a cage. A CAGE appears around the dog.

TIMMY (whispering) A smaller cage. A SMALLER CAGE snaps around Doidle, pinning him. Vicky shows up

with the Vet via VESPA. Timmy hands Doidle to Vicky. TIMMY Here ya go, Vicky! VICKY Thanks, Twerp. (To Doidle) And now let’s get you fixed! VET We can do it right here! I have everything we need on my portable Neuter Scooter. The vet hits a button and the scooter turns into a PORTABLE OPERATING TABLE. Doidle’s eyes bulge with terror. THE DOG ARF!!! On Cosmo, Wanda and Timmy hiding in the BUSHES. COSMO Hey, I understood that! TIMMY We all did! diSSOLVE TO: int. - the turner house - that night Timmy, Vicky, Cosmo and Wanda (in fishform) are all in the living room watching TV with a tired looking Doidle. Vicky pulls out a HAMSTER in a cage. VICKY Guys, meet my new hamster, Spunky! The hamster is a bundle of energy. Vicky places a JUICY STEAK in front of the hamster. VICKY For you, Spunky. HAMSTER Oh boy! Steak! Timmy turns to Doidle. TIMMY Should we tell him? Doidle nods. They turn to talk to the hamster. The hamster freaks and

protects his steak. HAMSTER No! My Steak! Mine! Get away you losers! Mine! Mine! Mine! Timmy and Doidle look at each other. TIMMY He can find out on his own. Doidle nods. Both he and Timmy go back to watching t.v. as we... FADE OUT THE END

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