Escolar Documentos
Profissional Documentos
Cultura Documentos
Written By:
Steven Banks
First Draft:
7.19.01
Second Draft:
7.30.01
Final Draft:
8.3.01
Nickelodeon Animation Studios c. 2000 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 2
WAXELPLAX (V.O.)
Hello students! Due to budget constraints your
administration had to decide between printing full
color ballots for the upcoming student elections or
purchasing food for the cafeteria. So I regret to
announce that there will be no lunch today!
STUDENTS (V.O.)
Yaaaaaaaaay!
CUT TO:
TIMMY's at his DESK, listening raptly. COSMO AND WANDA are STICKERS on Timmy's
NOTEBOOK.
WANDA
Why is everybody cheering?
COSMO
I thought lunch was a good thing. Has the whole
world gone mad?
TIMMY
Wait for it...
Widen to reveal various other STUDENTS, including CHESTER, AJ, TAD, CHAD,
VERONICA and TRIXIE listening intently.
WAXELPLAX (V.O.)
All we have is dessert! And gruel. So, we're declaring
today, Cake And Gruel Day!
STUDENTS
Yaaayyyyy!!!!!
TIMMY
(to Chester and AJ) C'mon guys!! Let's go before they
run out of cake and start serving gruel!
CHESTER
But... I like gruel!
CUT TO:
Timmy, smug as can be, first in line, with a HUGE line of STUDENTS behind him. He
looks at delicious CAKES.
TIMMY
Life is sweet and so is lunch!
Suddenly, Tad and Chad -- flanked by security GUARDS -- start pushing their way
through the line.
STUDENTS
Oof! OW! Ooof! Hey!
BODYGUARD#1
One side! Student body presidents comin' through!!
TIMMY
Forget it! We were here first!
TAD
Co-president Chad, do you hear some non-student
body president talking?
CHAD
No, I don't Co-president Tad, but I do know this:
Student body presidents get first in line privileges.
TIMMY
Oh yeah? What about me? The common student?
What do I get?
Tad and Chad clap their hands twice. A SPRING pops out of the floor and launches
Timmy OS.
TIMMY
AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
CUT TO:
ON A GARBAGE CAN
TIMMY (V.O.)
Darn it!
CUT TO:
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 4
Cosmo and Wanda <POOF!> in next to Timmy as themselves. This doesn't make for a
lot of room.
TIMMY
This stinks!
COSMO
Yeah! It smells like feet in here!
TIMMY'S POV - Tad, Chad, Veronica and Trixie all sit at a special "presidential" TABLE,
surrounded by the BODYGUARDS, happily munching cake.
TIMMY
No, it stinks because Tad and Chad are the student
body presidents, they get to do anything they want!
Tad whistles. PRINCIPAL WAXELPLAX leans in. Tad holds up a REPORT CARD.
TAD
This "F" should be an "A!"
MS. WAXELPLAX
Okee dokee, Mr. President!
AJ
Hey! My "A!!"
TAD
It's my "A" now!
SUIT GUY
And here's AJ's scholarship!
IN THE CAN
TIMMY
That's not fair! It's time somebody ran against them.
Someone with vision. Someone with. Ideals.
Someone with...
COSMO
Fairy godparents?
TIMMY
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 5
Exactly.
WANDA
But Timmy...
Too late! Timmy has climbed out of the can. He defiantly walks over to the others,
covered in GARBAGE.
TIMMY
Tad and Chad, I, Timmy Turner, am running against
you for student-body president.
VERONICA
Really, garbage boy? Have you forgotten that Tad
and Chad are so popular, they've been co-presidents
every year since Kindergarten?!
TRIXIE
Wow, you're .001 percent more of a person in my
eyes now, Timmy.
TIMMY
Really? I...Trixie? You..you actually got my name
right.
TRIXIE
Sure! I'm political reporter for the school newspaper!
VERONICA
Yeah! She has to know the names of all the total
losers! Bye-ee! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Cosmo and Wanda are still inside. Timmy drops back in.
TIMMY
Cool! If I'm president, Trixie'll HAVE to talk to me!
And with you guys helping my campaign, I can't lose!
COSMO/WANDA
INCOMING!
AAAA!!!!
Chester and AJ slam into the can next to Timmy. Chester looks around at the garbage.
CHESTER
Cool! Gruel!
DISSOLVE TO:
TIMMY
What do you mean I can't wish myself Student Body
President?
WANDA
I tried to warn you. You can't wish yourself into
winning a contest. It's against "Da Rules."
COSMO
You have to win the old fashioned way!
COSMO
Buy your way in!
Wanda waves her WAND and the cash turns into BUTTERFLIES that flutter away.
WANDA
But we could be your political advisors and help run
your campaign!
A wave of the wands and <POOF!> Cosmo and Wanda are covered in TIMMY
PARAPHERNALIA.
COSMO
Yeah! It'll be great! The mass marketing of Timmy!!
BALLOONS! CONFETTI! And a MONKEY on a
UNICYCLE, wearing a NEON HAT that goes
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
POOF! All of that crap shows up. Wanda and Timmy cover their ears as the Monkey on
the unicycle, wearing the neon hat rides by going "WHEEEEEEEEE!" Timmy yawns.
Wanda makes the monkey vanish.
COSMO
You'll get tons of votes!!
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 7
TIMMY
Cool! I should write a big campaign speech for
tomorrow.
WANDA
We can help with that.
WANDA
Timmy. This is William Shakespeare. He's a writer.
Maybe he can help!!
TIMMY
Ever won an election?
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
No. But I've won the hearts of millions with my
poetry. And in--
TIMMY
(interrupts) Whatever. Just start writing, Puffy Pants.
DISSOLVE TO:
The place is decked out in total "election" STUFF. Huge, professionally made POSTERS
OF TAD AND CHAD are dwarfed by NEON HOLOGRAPHIC POSTERS OF TIMMY. Timmy
talks to a JOCK who tries to stuff a bunch of athletic EQUIPMENT into his locker.
TIMMY
These lockers are too small. How can you jam a geek
in here? A vote for Timmy means bigger lockers!
TIMMY
These lockers are too big. The jocks could totally jam
us geeks in there. A vote for Timmy means smaller
lockers!
TIMMY
This campaigning stuff is easy.
CUT TO:
STUDENTS
Tad and Chad!! Tad and Chad!!!
Timmy - holding Cosmo and Wanda who are disguised as campaign FLAGS - sits next
to Chester - who's chowing on a bowl of GRUEL - A.J. and William Shakespeare.
Waxelplax stands at a PODIUM, about to start the festivities.
MS. WAXELPLAX
Awrighty! It's time to flip a coin and see which
candidate gets to give their speech first!
Waxelplax flips a COIN into the air. We follow the coin up, only to see it grabbed in the
rafters by CHAD, who drops a STACK OF HUNDREDS in it's place.
MS. WAXELPLAX
Oooo! Mr. Franklin says it's Tad and Chad!
TIMMY
They're going first! Who knows what kind of
awesome and impressive speech they have lined
up!!!
Tad and Chad hit a cheesy SMILE, and do that "Pow, I'm a Gunslinger" thing. The
audience goes berserk with CHEERING.
STUDENTS
Yaaayyyyyyy!!!!!!
TIMMY
That's it? A smile and a pointing gesture?
WAXELPLAX
And now...Timmy Turner!!
TIMMY
"Yay and Verily?"
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 9
TIMMY
What's the matter with you kids? What kind of
speech is ...(he does the shooting gesture)? Every
year you elect these guys and then they use their
power to bully you around!
GEEKY KID
No they don't!!
BODYGUARD#1
Pipe down.
GEEKY KID
Okay.
BACK ON TIMMY
TIMMY
Is that who should be representing you? They think
we're losers! And maybe we are! But then...
shouldn't you be represented by a loser? I'm Timmy
Turner, and I want to be...or not to be...
ON WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
I love that line.
BACK ON TIMMY
TIMMY
..TO BE THAT LOSER!!!!
TRIXIE
Timmy, that was an amazing speech!
TIMMY
Really?
TRIXIE
Yeah. I...
TAD
Wait! We're extending Cake Day!
CHAD
Even for the less popular kids!
The crowd goes CRAZY again. CAKE is wheeled into the auditorium on CARTS. Students
madly eat cake, spitting as they cheer.
AUDIENCE
Tad and Chad! Tad and Chad! Tad and Chad!
Timmy sadly walks off stage while everyone eats cake. AJ offers Timmy some cake.
AJ
(mouth full) Cake?
TIMMY
No thanks. I'd rather eat gruel.
CHESTER
Me too!(shoves cake in face. Then:)
But ya gotta roll with the punches!
DISSOLVE TO:
Timmy's moping in bed. Cosmo and Wanda try to cheer him up.
WANDA
Aw, Timmy, it's not over until the fat lady votes!
COSMO
Can the principal vote?
WANDA
You still have a chance, Sweetie!
TIMMY
No I don't! Everybody who comes to school tomorrow
is gonna vote for Tad and Chad! I'll lose and Trixie's
never gonna talk to me again.
COSMO
I told you, you shoulda stuck with the monkey!
The MONKEY <POOFS> into scene again. Timmy hits Cosmo in the face with a PILLOW
as we...
DISSOLVE TO:
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 11
Timmy rides up to school on his SCOOTER. Cosmo and Wanda are FLAGS on the back.
It's oddly quiet.
TIMMY
Hey! Where is everybody?
MS. WAXELPLAX
Food poisoning! From Tad and Chad's cake! The only
reason I'm here is because I'm frosting intolerant!
TIMMY
Wow! What about the election? If everyone's sick,
who's gonna vote?
Ms. Waxelplax rings a BELL and a VOTING BOOTH drops into frame on top of Timmy.
MS. WAXELPLAX
Polls are open!
TIMMY
I know who I'm voting for!!
Timmy walks out and hands Waxelplax his ballot. She rings a bell.
MS. WAXELPLAX
Polls are closed! We must count the ballots! (pulls out
Timmy's vote)
I mean ballot! Timmy Turner, you win! We swear
you in tomorrow!!
COSMO/WANDA
Woo Hoo!!!!
MS. WAXELPLAX
I'm with your scooter! Congrats!
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 12
Timmy stands triumphantly on the steps of the school, with the American FLAG waving
triumphantly in the BG and the school looking an awful lot like our Nation's Capitol,
we...
DISSOLVE TO:
MS. WAXELPLAX
Do you accept your responsibilities as student body
president?
TIMMY
Piece of cake!
Suddenly, the entire audience grabs their stomach, and makes that "I just caught
myself from barfing" noise.
MS. WAXELPLAX
Then in accordance with the 5th grade constitution,
the losing candidates - Tad and Chad - will serve as
your secret service detail.
ON TAD AND CHAD - who glare from the sidelines, then smile when Timmy faces them.
When Timmy turns away they scowl again.
TIMMY
Actually, I've already picked my own detail. Let's give
Tad and Chad some meaningless loser job.
MS. WAXELPLAX
Let's make them co-vice-presidents!
AJ and Chester jump to either side of Timmy in SUITS, SUNGLASSES, EAR PHONES, and
speak into LAPEL MICROPHONES.
CHESTER
(re: Timmy) We have the "package" in our perimeter!
AJ
Affirmative! Situation under control! Protect
"package" at all costs! Over!
TIMMY
Come on, Guys! Let's check out some of those
presidential perks!
DISSOLVE TO:
Tad and Chad are at the front of the line. Suddenly, Chester and AJ push their way
through with Timmy behind them.
CHESTER
Make way! President comin' through!
CHAD / TAD
No way! We were here first!
TIMMY
Presidential Privilege.
Tad and Chad growl as Timmy claps twice. SPRING! Tad and Chad are hurled OS.
Timmy grabs a TRAY. Trixie, with Veronica, walks up to Timmy.
TRIXIE
Why, Hello, Mister President. I liked the way you used
your authority to cut the line!
TIMMY
(to Chester and AJ)
She's talking to me! It's working!
TRIXIE
I was hoping we could do a long, in-depth interview
for the school paper.
TIMMY
Oh, yeah...
VERONICA
Well, I still think Timmy Turner is a loser creep!
Veronica unsnaps the latch on her LUNCHBOX. Chester and AJ snap to attention...
CHESTER
Lunch!
Chester leaps at Veronica, and throws her OS as AJ grabs Timmy and pulls him in the
opposite direction.
AJ
Protect the package! GO GO GO GO!!!
VERONICA
Aaaagh!!!!
TIMMY
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 14
DISSOLVE TO:
The bathroom is an absolute mess. Except for ONE STALL. AJ and Chester stand on a
RED CARPET leading to THE PRESIDENTIAL STALL. It's HUGE, LADEN WITH GOLD and
SHINY.
AJ
The Presidential Stall, Sir.
TIMMY
I can't go with you watching me.
AJ
We can't stop watching until you go. Sir.
CHESTER
That bell! The Package is late for presidential duties!
AJ
Keep The Package's appointments at all costs! GO
GO GO GO GO!!!
OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM - Trixie and Veronica - with a black eye - watch as Timmy is
dragged OS.
TRIXIE
Hi, President Timmy!
TIMMY
Trixie, wait up!
AJ
SHE'S GOT A DEVICE!
VERONICA
Aaagh!!!
CUT TO:
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 15
In front of a big "FP" - "FUTURE PHLEGMERS" logo, Timmy, with Chester and AJ, stands
on stage at a podium, addressing a group of sniffling, wheezing NERDS. We see ELMER
the BOIL KID on stage next to Timmy.
TIMMY
(bored and falling asleep)
And I pledge that organizations like the Future
Phlegmers, will get their fair share of funding from
student government. The Turner administration will
not tolerate bias against the sinus impaired!
Nerdy FP KIDS cheer and then clamor around Timmy, touching and clawing him. It's
chaos.
FP KIDS
(cheer, sneezing, snorting, wheezing)
CHESTER
Code yellow! Code yellow!
AJ
The Package must remain germ-free!!
SLOW MOTION - ELMER sneezes...a huge wad of PHLEGM flies through the air. AJ reacts
and, in slow motion, "takes a bullet" for Timmy. AJ lands on the ground with a THUD.
TIMMY
AJ! AJ! Speak to me!
AJ
It's okay... It's only... a common cold... ACHOOO!
TIMMY
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
DISSOLVE TO:
DISSOLVE TO:
Timmy sits behind a HUGE DESK, Cosmo and Wanda pop in.
WANDA
How's our little Mr. El Presidente?
TIMMY
Miserable! I do boring stuff all day, can't go to the
bathroom by myself and now that Trixie wants to talk
to me, we can't, because I get yanked away by my
secret service!
WANDA
How'd you get rid of them so we could talk privately?
TIMMY
I have ways.
CUT TO:
Chester and AJ are outside the stall, two inches from each other. Timmy's shoes and
pants are visible from underneath.
CHESTER
Detecting no bodily noises from The Package, over!
AJ
No unpleasant odor either!
They look in the stall... He's not there! They whip out their WALKIE TALKIES.
AJ
The president's been kidnapped!
CHESTER
Hard target search! Cover all exits! GO GO GO GO
GO!!!
CUT TO:
WANDA
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 17
TIMMY
I didn't want to be a leader, I just wanted to be
President. I want out.
WANDA
You have to be impeached.
COSMO
Yeah! You have to do something so bad the whole
school wants you out!
TIMMY
Get kicked out of office, huh?? (smile) Lady and
gentleman... start your wands.
DISSOLVE TO:
Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda stand in the distance. We see DAVE THE DIMMSDALE
DUNG-BEETLE in the BG.
TIMMY
Let the impeachment begin! Guys?
Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands and BOOOOOM! DAVE THE DIMMSDALE DUNG-
BEETLE EXPLODES! STUDENTS, including Trixie and Veronica - more beaten up - all
swarm into scene. Stunned.
TRIXIE
President Timmy... you've destroyed the school
mascot...
VERONICA
...Dave, the Dimmsdale Dung Beetle.
TIMMY
Pretty scandalous, huh? I think you should impeach
me.
STUDENT #1
I always hated that dung-beetle! I'm glad he's dead!
STUDENT #2
Yeah! He eats dung! What kind of mascot is that?
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 18
STUDENTS
Four more years! Four more years!
DISSOLVE TO:
TIMMY
And, as President, I am using my executive power to ban
football forever!
FOOTBALL PLAYER #1
Hallelujah! No more sweating and hitting and
hurting!
FOOTBALL PLAYER #2
I can finally write my musical!
FOOTBALL PLAYER #3
Can I be in it? I just want to dance!
The third football player rips off his uniform. HATS and CANES fly in from everywhere.
The football players all dance out of scene in a chorus line.
FOOTBALL PLAYERS
(singing)
Four more years! Four more years!!
Timmy exits angrily. Cosmo and Wanda look at each other, then, not being able to
resist, dance off just like the football players.
DISSOLVE TO:
TIMMY
This is hopeless! I'm never gonna get impeached!
Everything I do makes me more popular!
WANDA
You need a real scandal!
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 19
COSMO
Something so hideous, awful, horrible, and
humiliating... it's unforgivable! I'll get the monkey!!
TIMMY
No, wait! I've got a better idea.
DISSOLVE TO:
Timmy holds his hand on an unabridged DICTIONARY. (re:hand on the bible) SANJAY - a
geek with glasses whose lenses are thick enough to stop a bullet - administers an
oath.
SANJAY
Welcome to the Library Assistant's Club, President
Turner! Do you swear to always re-shelve according
to the Dewey Decimal System and to defend the
library against the loudness and gum chewing of all
others?
TIMMY
You bet!
TRIXIE (O.S.)
GASP!!!!
TAD (O.S.)
I knew it!
ON THE DOORWAY - Tad and Chad hold a CAMERA. Trixie and Veronica stand next to
them.
TRIXIE
It can't be true!
VERONICA
It is true! President Timmy Turner likes books and
periodicals!
SANJAY
Shhh!!!
They snap the photo. Chester and AJ IMMEDIATELY plow Veronica OS.
VERONICA
Aaagh!
TAD
You're ruined, Turner! RUINED!
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 20
DISSOLVE TO:
Trixie stands in front of the assembled STUDENTS. On one side of the podium, Timmy.
The other side, a furious Tad and Chad. A slide of the PHOTO taken of Timmy taking
the Library oath is projected on a huge screen.
TAD
Timmy Turner, you stand accused of geekiness while
in office! How do you plead?
TIMMY
Hey, it's a free country, right? It's not like I'm a
TOTAL geek!
TRIXIE
Well... He does have a point...
CHAD
Then what do you say to... THIS!
Chad points to Timmy's pocket where we see a COSMO POCKET PROJECTOR with
pencils, a slide rule and a WANDA PEN.
WANDA
Good idea, Puddin'!
COSMO
It's no monkey, but it's geeky!!
ON TIMMY
TIMMY
So what? I like books. I like math too. And I'd join the
Future Phlegmers if I had a bad enough allergy. What
are you going to do about it? Impeach me?
TAD
That's a great idea!
CHAD
Impeach! Impeach!
VERONICA
All in favor?
VERONICA
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 21
AJ and Chester SHOVE a happy Timmy aside and take their places by Tad and Chad.
Timmy walks up to Trixie.
TIMMY
Hey, uh... Now that I'm not the president anymore, I
thought maybe you and I could finally have that talk.
TRIXIE
Three words. "Not" "President" "Anymore."
TRIXIE
So? What's for lunch?
TAD/CHAD
Not cake!
DISSOLVE TO:
COSMO
Well, that's politics! You win a few you lose a lot!
TIMMY
Well, I'd rather be a normal geek than student body
President any day!
TIMMY
Humans!
POOF! Cosmo and Wanda turn into TWO DESKS. Timmy wheels around. And, to his
horror sees... ELMER, The Boil Kid and various other library and phlegmer GEEKS.
ELMER
You stood up for us! Nobody ever stands up for us!
TIMMY
Really, guys... It was nothing.
SANJAY
No it wasn't. It was the greatest thing anybody has
ever done for us. We're making you President of the
The Fairly OddParents: “Hail To The Chief” final draft script by Steven Banks 8.3.01 22
GEEKS
One of us! One of us! One of us!
They surround him with glee -- and immediately start SNIFFLING, SNEEZING,
WHEEZING AND PHLEGMING.
TIMMY
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
COSMO
Aw! Look how popular he is!
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
All's well that end's well.
THE END