Right out of the gate, god confirms that Joe did indeed write the Book of Mormon himself (turns out it wasn't Mormon writing it after all!). But then things start looking up for Joe when he is told by the big man upstairs that he doesn't actually have to work anymore. Then we get our first revelation given directly to a woman, and it's pretty much as misogynistic as you'd expect. 
“Drink!” Count – 15
Around 3 beers