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Example WRONG:
We are the smartest telecom guys in the world and we are gonna install high bandwidth wireless telecom infrastructure in really tall downtown buildings in big cities all over the world
BETTER:
We enable you to use your cell phone anywhere inside every building in all major U.S. metropolitan areas
Passion if you are not excited about your business, no one else will be either Request Ask recipient for permission to call, a referral to others, or feedback
Short assume you have less than a minute, and sometimes only time for a few sentences
The Hook
The hook should simply ID the pain you solve
We make Napster legal Have you ever had your cell phone fail inside a building? Imagine a rubber coating that conducts electricity. We will change the way people invest their money.
WRONG:
Our technology is the first integrated and automatic book scanner that will scan and digitize bound documents at a speed of 1,200 PPM at a fraction of the cost of existing solutions based on a disruptive digital imaging technology initially developed at Bell Labs and protected by 12 patents.
BETTER:
We capture the future of knowledge by seamlessly digitizing physical libraries at a very low cost.
BETTER:
We allow you to communicate safely on a broad range of digital devices.
Increase your revenues Reduces your risk Cut your costs by 30%
SO WHAT???
Reference a brand-name customer that is using your product (or that has expressed interest)
The FAA has determined that we are the only security system that is able to rapidly move people through security check points while exceeding their security needs
Quantify your market size with numbers that are from a trusted 3rd party source
According to the American Hospital Association, there are 4,000 hospitals in the U.S. that need the ability to visualize MRI images in 3D
Microsoft
You
Simple description of your business model Recurring revenue models are ideal
We will install the wireless network in a building at no charge, and then charge a usage fee for all calls that we carry
We provide free access to our medical information website for consumers, and charge advertisers for each exposure Our portable fuel cells will be installed in laptops, and we will receive a royalty from Dell for each installation
3. Dont engage the recipient via questions that request them to engage with you
An example
Have you ever had your cell phone fail inside a building? We provide a communications network that enables any cell phone to work anywhere inside all types buildings, while ensuring your communications are secure. The FCC has determined that over 60% of the 5 million commercial buildings in the U.S. inhibit wireless or cell phone communications from within. The percentage is even higher in international markets While there are many vendors that provide internal wireless networks, we are the only vendor that enables communications to penetrate steel and other high density construction materials, which significantly reduces the cost of installation We will install the wireless network in a building at no charge, and then charge a usage fee for all calls that we carry on our networks Our founders have over 25 years of design experience in communications systems, and Bob Marriott has recently agreed to join our Board of Directors. It is my understanding that you invest in young communications companies. Can I follow up with you next week to discuss our business in depth?
Questions?