MARRYING FOR THE WRONG 1.

Rebound REASON

Rebound marriage results when people marry someone immediately after ending a relationship. It is an attempt to reestablish ones self-esteem. In reality, individuals who engage in rebound marriage use the other person with the intention of establishing themselves as the winner in a previous relationship.

2. Escape An individual might marry to escape an unhappy home situation in which the parents are oppressive, overbearing or abusive. Marriage with the primary reason for escape is a bad idea. It is better to start a relationship without the desire to escape an unhappy situation. 3. Unplanned pregnancy The decision of whether to marry should be kept separate from pregnancy. Avoiding feelings of being trapped or later feeling that the marriage might not have happened without the pregnancy are a couple of reasons for not rushing into marriage because of pregnancy.

4. Psychological Blackmail Some individuals get married because their partner takes the position that I cant live without you or I will kill myself if you leave me. The problem with such marriage is that one partner has learned to manipulate the relationship to gain control. Use of such power often creates resentment in the other partner, who feels trapped in the marriage.

5. Pity Some people get married because they feel guilty about ending a relationship with someone whom they pity. Regardless of the reason, for example, the partner loses a limb, has brain damaged, or goes into coma, marriage should not be out of duty or obligation. 6. Filling a void in deciding whether to continue or terminate a relationship, listen to what your senses tell you. Ask yourself questions such as: Do I love him? Are we similar in terms of values and goals in life?

COMMON CAUSES OF MARITAL PROBLEMS

1.
2. 3.

4.
5. 6. 7.

Unresolved Mourning Adulterous triangle Differences in values Differing Personal Expectations Growing Apart Relatives and In-laws Jealousy

CLINICAL STAGES OF MARITAL CONFLICT 1. Early Stage

In the early stages of disagreement, there can be relative openness and recognition of the other persons right to be different. Indications of conflict often occur initially at an unconscious level. For example, one spouse refuses to talk about what he/she sees distressing. There is less communication between the partners for fear of offending each other.

2. Middle Stage During this stage more ambivalence is present in the relationship. At some point the partner who has worked hard at trying to identify and confront relationship issues become finally ready to give up. Following prolonged feelings of failure, he/she may refuse to go out in public with the partner. At home, the couple will have more frequent disagreement. If not settled, more distance will set into their relations

 In some cases, where there is no resolution to these

ongoing marital and family conflict, one of the partners may seek out another person either for the purpose of having someone with whom to talk and develop a friendship, or simply to meet sexual needs.

3. Late Stage When couples do not resolve their conflict, the next step is often separation or divorce. Refusal to seek help by one partner is often a sign of the deterioration of marriage relationship and perhaps the partners having given up. By this time, in the deteriorating marriage there has been a history of anger and blame.

MARITAL INFIDELITY
Definition:

Sexual unfaithfulness to a spouse.

Adultery. Inconsolable grief and pain, not to mention the

confusion, anxiety, and sleepless nights are felt by the faithful spouse. She/he may survive the nightmare, but his or her scars will not easily heal, and the damage done to the marriage may never be completely repaired.

 Extra marital affairs can also take its toll in some long-

term consequences that both spouses will have to deal with for many years, such as sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. The fragile ego myth is another excuse to justify mens unique susceptibility to infidelity. Both men and women share the need for validation of their virility. If, for example, a woman believes that her worth is based on her ability to attract the other sex, she will depend on attention and compliments to shore up her selfesteem. If men believe that their self-worth hinges on their ability to seduce an attractive woman, they will seek that kind of confirmation.

REASONS FOR MARITAL INFIDELITY

Conflict Avoidance Some spouses succumb to the lure of an extramarital relationship as the result of experiencing abnormal stress over a normal lifestyle change, such as becoming a parent. 2. Intimacy Avoidance Low self-esteem, habitual conflict avoidance, fear of intimacy.
1.

3. Sexual Addiction When a person is not contented with one partner. 4. Lack of affection between marriage partners. 5. Feelings of sexual entitlement based on gender or status, and the means of exiting from an unhappy marriage. No matter how marital infidelity is categorized, all of the reasons are like a disease that eats away at the roots of a healthy plant to eventually kill it. Marital infidelity can never be the cure for that disease. Instead, extramarital affairs causes the disease to metastasize like cancer, and soon the entire marriage is infected and extreme measures must be taken to save it.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Definition:

A pattern of abusive and coercive behavior by

one or both partners involved in an intimate relationship. These behaviors include physical, sexual, emotional and economic abuse. A form of oppression that occurs within a social context; women are considered the oppressed group.

 This is also called intimate partner abuse,

intimate partner violence, and domestic abuse

Maltreatment that takes place in the context

of any romantic relationship is abuse.

1. Physical TYPES OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

Psychological studies show that a need for power and control are the primary reasons for battering. Many battered women report that their partners exhibit extreme jealousy, possessiveness, and a need for control in relationships. Examples: a.) Painful pinches or squeezes. b.) Pushes or shoves.

c.) Jerks, pulls or shakes. d.) Hits, punches or kicks. e.) Strangles or throws objects at the victim. f.) Delivers as sustained series of blows. g.) Inflicts abuse bad enough to require medical treatment. h.) Causes broken bones and internal injuries. i.) Causes miscarriages or injuries that require therapeutic abortion. j.) Denies the victim medical treatment.

2. Verbal (also called emotional, mental, or psychological abuse). Using words to criticize, demean, or otherwise decrease the confidence of the victim. Other examples of emotional abuse are: intimidation, threats, isolation, restriction of activities, humiliation, insult, neglect of needs, lying, and/or breaking promises.

3. Sexual Any behavior that uses sex to control or demean the victim, like intimidating the victim into engaging in unsafe sex or sexual practices in which he or she does not want to participate. Example include being forced to have sex, injury during sex, weapons used intravaginally, orally, or anally, coerced to have sex without protection, sexual criticism, and flaunting extra-marital affairs.

4. Economic/Financial Limiting the victims financial freedom or security. It includes misused or mismanaged money or assets that result in disadvantage of the victim. Examples are: being forced to turn over money or property, a signature being forged, deceived into signing a legal document, and improper use of guardianship. It can also include any of the following: taking away ones money, being prevented from getting a job, or giving orders to ask for money.

5. Spiritual Abuse Either forces the victim to participate in the batterers religious practices instead of their own or to raise mutual children in a religion that the victim is not in favor of.

6. Stalking and cyber-stalking are also forms of intimate partner abuse. Stalking refers to repeatedly harassing and threatening behavior, including showing up at the victims home or workplace, placing harassing phone calls, voicemail, email or postal mail messages or objects, or vandalizing the victims property. It is usually committed by perpetrators of other forms of domestic violence.

Effects of Domestic Violence in Women

Psychological Effects These include depression and low self-esteem are temporary and disappear when the woman begins to receive positive emotional support. 2. Learned Helplessness When a person feels helpless in the face of repeated abuse, that person begins to have a distorted perception or reality.
1.

3. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder Criteria include: Experiencing a severely distressing event outside the range of human experience, such as serious threat to ones life or physical integrity. Re-experiencing the event in recurrent recollections or recurrent dreams, a sudden sense of reliving the event or flashbacks. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the event.

 At least 2 symptoms of increased arousal that are not

present before the event, including sleep disturbance, outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating, hypervigilance, exaggerated startle response, and physiological reaction when exposed to events reminiscent of the original event. Symptoms lasting for at least a month.

Case ex-seminarian was asked to leave the Study: An

seminary not because he was mentally incompetent but because he was fooling around. He then went after a girl and they deeply in love with each other but he didnt marry her. He met another girl whom he married after three months. However, their marriage was unhappy. They quarreled a lot mainly because of money and also because of his in-laws, for the woman was richer than the boy. To make things worse, they lived with the girls parents.

The woman also had to work to help her husband financially and this made the man feel more insecure. He began to beat his wife. Naturally, the marriage counselor suggested separation. However, the wife was not contented to mere separation; she went to court and obtained legal separation and the custody of their three children. The threatened them physical harm, so much that the woman had to hire a bodyguard for herself and her children. They remain separated to this day. The man wants reconciliation but the woman refused.

Case Study Guide Questions:

What are the reasons for the failure of this marriage? 2. What essential elements in a loving relationship are obviously missing? 3. Can such a marriage be saved? Why or why not?
1.

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS US ALL!!!

Prepared by: MRS. VIRGINIA MORGIA GEMINA BSF., BSN., RN.,MN., MAN.

INTRODUCTION TO PARENTING
SESSION 15 - 17

PARENTHOOD
CULTURAL MEANING OF PARENTHOOD

Our contemporary ideas about the nature of parent-

child relations have evolved over time as culture has experienced social evolution. Every culture has ideas of characteristics and functions that are ideal in the social roles of that culture. These ideas often are exaggerated notions that act to shape the thoughts, reactions, and behaviors of individuals who assume these roles.

 Moral Obligation
According to Veevers, the Judeo-Christian traditions

of our culture follow the Old Testament directive for individuals to be fruitful and multiply. Procreation becomes a moral obligation for those who devoutly practice the teachings of their religious group. Essentially our culture supports a pro-natalist philosophy.

 Civic Obligation
The continuation of society depends on the

reproduction of children. Veevers states that the alarmingly high cost of childbearing is not an acceptable excuse for not having children because reproduction represents a valuable contribution to society. Individuals who have the financial and social resources to be competent parents and choose to remain childless are considered by society to be selfish and irresponsible.

 Naturalness
This attitude refers, as Veevers states, to the belief that

conception is a natural consequence of sexual intercourse between married couples. This idea of parenthood is a residue from the period before the appearance of reliable contraceptives. People assumed that those who were childless had some type of physical problem that prevented contraception. According to this logic, the childless individual was an unnatural or abnormal person; something was wrong with him or her.

 Sexuality and Marriage

An individual is an adult capable of

reproduction and able to achieve sexual identity through reproduction. Closely associated with the sexual meanings of parenthood is the notion that parenthood gives meaning to marriage.

 Children are believed to:

1. Improve the relationship between a couple. 2. Help a troubled or stagnant marriage. 3. Prevent divorce. 4. May not necessarily improve a marriage, but their presence acts to prolong the relationship.

 Normality
According to Veevers, child bearing fulfills a destiny

for women more than men in our culture. Thus, the woman who is childless is seen as unnatural, abnormal, or lacking in normal mental health. Having a child is considered to be a means of achieving and being recognized as having adult status

Social Attributes of Parenthood

Parenthood is defined as any social role in

our culture; it can be identified, defined in terms of a set of norms, beliefs, and values that is associated with it.

 Parenthood is a Social Institution

Parenthood is an institution that is composed of

complex array of rules, norms, values, and beliefs. These rules and regulations about parenthood focus on two needs that are central to the role: 1. The need to reproduce and replenish society with new members. 2. The need for providing care for the new members until they can fend for themselves.

Characteristics of Parenthood Role

1. Externality

a.) The parenthood role is seen as external to individuals who perform it. b.) This is evidenced by the fact that people who are not parents as well as those who are can experience the role by talking about it, evaluating it and observing role behaviors.

2. Opaqueness a.) The necessity of applying effort to understanding how institutions operate. b.) There is a vigorous attempt to explain the mysteries of parenting to those who look for this information as indicated by the vast number of books published on the topic.

3. Coerciveness a.) Social institutions have the power to force conformity to certain dictates. b.) The subtle pressure on adults to assume this role becomes apparent when the decision is made public not to have or to have more children. 4. Legitimacy - The rules and regulations imposed by institutions are accepted by individuals as being appropriate and good; deviations are seen as inappropriate and unacceptable.

 Parental Behavior is a Product of Socialization and Internalization

The shaping of ones potential behavior and attitudes

about the parenthood role begins early in life. It is not unusual, however, for the role to be rehearsed during the years of middle childhood and adolescence as individuals assume temporary care giving roles in relation to younger brothers or sisters or as babysitters, for example. The role behaviors and attitudes associated with parenting also are internalized through exposure to books, television, and movies.

Questions:
When you hear the word MOTHER/FATHER, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? 2. Describe your relationship with your mother and father. 3. How would you define an IDEAL parent-child relationship?
1.

PARENT-CHILD RELATIONS
The Family Code of the Philippines

Definition:
Also known as Executive Order 209 amending the New Civil Code of the Philippines. Includes regulations on: 1. Marriage 2. Legal separation 3. Rights and obligations between husband and wife. 4. Property relation between husband and wife. 5. Family

6. Paternity and Filiations 7. Adoption 8. Support 9. Parental authority 10. Emancipation and Age of Majority Note: Assignment: Read and make a reaction on the complete E.O. 209 through this link. http:/www.chanrobles.com/executiveorder209.htm

o Purpose:

Revision of its provision on marriage and family relations to bring them closer to Filipino customs, values, and ideals. Strengthen marriage and family as basic social institution. Ensure equality between man and woman.

o Characteristics of Parent-Child Relations

It is a relationship that is a social system.

a.) Unidirectional Model 1. Stressing the primary roles of the parent as teacher and the child as an active learner. 2. The flow of information is from parent to child. 3. This model features the adult as having a significant effect and influence on the child.

b.) Bidirectional Model 1. Replaces the unidirectional description of interactions. 2. The child can influence and affect the parenting behavior of the adult. 3. Allows for change to occur and to be initiated in the relationship by virtue of changing nature of the individuals as they both progress through subsequent stages of their own personal development.

Reasons or Motivations About Why People Become Parents

Today, choice plays a significant role in the decision to

become a parent.
Medical technology provides individuals with the

unique opportunity to choose and decide if and when to reproduce with a high degree of certainty.

Four Unique Characteristics of Parenthood According to Alice Rossi are exposed to greater cultural pressures to Women
assume this role than are men ---womens adult status and individual fulfillment have been expected to come from motherhood and performing the major childbearing duties of the family. The parental role is not always voluntarily assumed as compared with other adult social roles --- our culture allows us a certain amount of freedom in choosing occupational roles.

 Even when medical technology provides men and

women with reasonably successful contraceptive methods, unplanned pregnancies continue to occur for a variety of reasons. The parenthood roles are irrevocable once a decision is made to continue a pregnancy and the birth occurs, a parent cannot back out of the commitment except by placing the child for adoption. You can be fired from or quit a job, but cannot easily quit, leave, or be fired from the position of parent.

 Preparation for parenthood is poor compared with

preparation for other adult social roles: 1. Specific educational experiences for parenthood generally are lacking in our culture. 2. The experience of pregnancy involves a limited amount of preparation for parenthood. 3. The culture provides little or no guidance for successful parenting behavior. 4. The transition to parenthood is abrupt.

Myths About Parenthood

Raising children is fun.

Children are cute and sweet.

Children will turn out well if they have good parents. Girls are harder to raise than boys.

Todays parents are not as good as those of yesterday.

Childbearing today is easier because of modern

medicine, modern appliances, child psychology, and so on.

 Children today really appreciate all the

advantages their parents are able to give them. The hard work of raising children is justified because we are going to make a better world. Children will not get into trouble if they have been given adequate sex education. There are no bad children just bad parents. Two parents are necessary to raise children successfully.

 Love is enough to sustain good parental

performance. All married couples should have children. Childless couples are frustrated and unhappy. Children improve a marriage. Parents are mature adults. People become parents because they choose to. Parenthood receives top priority in our society.

THEORIES ON PARENT- CHILD RELATIONSHIP

A.) Attachment Theory Addresses the establishment, maintenance, and consequences of affectionate bonds between parent and children. The core premise of this theory is that the relationship between a parent and infant affects a behavioral system that has adapted to promote survival and competent functioning of the offspring.

 This behavior system has two parts: novelty seeking

and proximity seeking. When infants feel safe in their surroundings, they will crawl around to explore and play with novel objects; infants grow into independent and competent adults through exploring, manipulating and interacting with people and objects. On the other hand, infants who continuously explore the environment without proper guidance and supervision might get injured or even killed.

 When infants are upset, distressed, or fearful, they

will retreat to the protective arms of a parent; the parent then is able to protect the child. Caregivers demonstrate warmth and love towards infants, and thus become a source of security during the first years of life. Being sensitive to their cues, and by satisfying their needs and helping to regulate their emotions. In turn, infants learn to trust that the caregiver will take care of their needs.

B. Operant Conditioning Theory Presenting a positive stimulus is reinforcement; withdrawing a negative stimulus also functions as reinforcement. Presenting an unpleasant or aversive stimulus produces punishment, as does withdrawing a positive stimulus. This theory can be used in explaining how children acquire bad habits from their parents and how parents reinforce behaviors they do not like, such as whining, noncompliance, and temper tantrums.

According to behavioral theorists, the 3 most basic

mistakes in parenting are: 1. Giving attention to undesired behaviors and thereby reinforcing them (for example, a child misbehaves and parent reacts by reprimanding; child then gets parents attention). 2. Failure to positively reinforce desired behaviors (example, when a child is playing nicely, parents do not notice and s miss opportunity to reward behavior). 3. Relying on punishments rather than reinforcements.

 Coercive cycle problematic interactions in

which parent and child compete to see who can gain the upper hand.

Mother

requests that child -----------------------------------------perform a chore

Child refuse To comply - - - - - --- - - - - - - - - continued escalation Mother warns child Mother yells

Child ignores

Child yells

Mother repeat request

Child puts off until later Illustration: An example of Coercive cycle

C. Human Behavioral Genetics Theory The goal of this theory is to understand genetic influences on human behavior. This theory was developed by an English scientist Sir Francis Galton and was pursued by Arnold Gessel. Gessel believed that childrens genetic make-up determines the natural unfolding of their inherited dispositions.

 Behavioral genetics identify three ways that childrens

genetics influence their development: a.) Genes could have a passive role in the environment; a childs parents, due to their own genetic makeup, create an environment that is independent of the influence of the child. b.) Genes could play an active role in directing a child to seek out certain environments. c.) Genes can have an evocative role when parents reach to a childs phenotype in a particular way unique to the child.

D. Biological Systems Theory

Created by Urie Bronfenbrenner.
Expands on Kurt Lewins classic formula for behavior,

B = f (P, E), or a persons behavior is a function of, or caused by, a combination of the person and the environment. Person and environment are integrally connected; this constant interaction is also known as transactional influence.

 In the case of parent-child relationships, this means

that the childs behavior or characteristics can influence both the parent and the context in which interactions occur. In turn, the context influences the childs subsequent behavior. For example: An athletic child may persuade her parents to allow her to join the volleyball team. That involvement, may results in family trips to attend to volleyball tournaments, or sports camp, and new friend for both the child and parents.

The Biological Framework

Macro = Cultural beliefs and institutions.

= Culture, social class, racial group. Exo = Social structures in a society. = Work, neighborhood stress, and social support. Meso = Relations across different contexts. = Parents, childs and familys stable characteristics. Micro = Immediate Context. = Place, time, and transient parent-child behaviors.

 A child interacts with multiple levels of

natural environment. The innermost level is called microsystem and refers to the immediate settings that a person encounters and the interactions and activities within those settings. The second level is the mesosystem, which refers to the connections or interrelations between microsystems.

 The next level, called the exosystem, refers to

contexts that do not ordinarily contain children but nevertheless affect their development. The final and outermost level is the macrosystem, this refers to the subcultural or cultural context in which Microsystems, mesosystems and exosystems are embedded

E. EMOTION BASED THEORIES

Parental Acceptance- Rejection Theory

= This is based around the idea that parental love results in positive outcomes, and rejection negatively affects childs psychological adjustment and behavioral functioning. Emotional Security Hypothesis Theory = This focuses on childs perceptions of and exposure to parental conflict; if parents engage in frequent unpleasant exchanges, children will feel insecure and worry about whether their parents will get divorced.

F. CONTROL THEORY
This is developed by Richard Bell.
It reflects the view that parents and children regulate

each others behavior; these limits are based on expectations and previous interactions. Parents attempt to keep their children within the ideal boundary set by these limits.

Classroom activities:
Choose two theories that you think best describes the relationship between a parent and a child. Provide examples to prove your point. The essay should not be less than 150 words. And this should be written in a one whole yellow pad paper.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH AND GOD BLESS!!! By: MRS. VIRGINIA MORGIA GEMINA BSF., BSN.,RN, MN.,MAN.

I ALONE CANNOT CHANGE THE WORLD, BUT I CAN CAST A STONE ACROSS THE WATERS TO CREATE MANY RIPPLES By: Mother Theresa de Calcutta