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Observations on Succeeding in the Challenges
of Intimate Relationships for People
on the Autism Spectrum
Autism One Conference
2730 May 2008
Chicago, IL
Presented by
Stephen M. Shore, Ed. D. Christina Adams
www.AutismAsperger.net www.ChristinaAdamsWriter.com
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Introduction – Stephen Shore
The Autism Bomb
Loss of
speech
&
tantrums
Selfstims Environmental
withdrawal
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T H E A U T I S M S P E C T R U M
Severe Moderate Light
T w i c e E x c e p t i o n a l i t y 3
A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Introduction – Stephen Shore
4
A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Introduction – Christina Adams
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Talking About Sex Myths of Sexuality Peter Gerhardt
Common Myths But the Truth is…
• Persons with autism… • Persons with autism are as diverse
sexually as everyone else
have little to no interest in sex
and, sexuality education is
are hypersexual complicated by challenges in
are solely heterosexual language, communication, and
social differences.
While sexual feelings and
interest may be high, a primary
information source is usually not
So… How can we help available – nonspectrum teens
(Volkmar & Wiesner, 2003).
people on the autism
With proper support people with
spectrum deal with this autism can have relationships;
often with a person having a
important part of life? difference.
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Talking About Sex The Tapestry of Sexuality
Sexuality is a part of life and is as developmentally
appropriate for people with autism as anyone else.
Heterosexuality Homosexuality
Bisexuality Asexuality
Everyone has a piece of each. It’s just a matter of degree.
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Talking About Sex Topics to Cover Peter Gerhardt
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Circle of Relationships
Passerby,
Stranger Classmate, Coworker,
Fellow Commuter
Neighbor
Acquaintance Classmate, Coworker
Close Neighbor
Friend Classmate, Coworker
Mom, Dad,
Family >Significant Sibling, Other
other
Boy/Girlfriend,
Fiancé, Spouse
Develop a social
narrative
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Friendship, Romance, and all that “Other Stuff” Teresa Bolick, Ph. D.
Before you talk about sex you need to talk about closeness
• Listening is the most important skill for friendship and romance.
• Good hygiene is probably the second most important skill.
• Close friends talk with each other about life experiences.
• Close friends can “agree to disagree.”
• The most important part of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is “friend.”
• Showing interest in another person is a terrific way to flirt.
• Being “revved up” can get in the way of friendship and romance.
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Friendship, Romance, and all that “Other Stuff” Teresa Bolick, Ph. D.
• Never touch a friend unless he or she says it’s all right.
• If you feel uncomfortable about someone’s actions (or your own), tell a
trusted adult.
• LAST BUT NOT LEAST, “Stop” means “Stop” and “No” means “No.”
When?
Look for signs of interest
• Books and magazines
• Questions and comments
Life-long conversation
• Signs of Masturbation
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Talking About Sex – Jerry Newport
How?
Sex is a normal yet a very private act and is clean.
• Discuss in a developmentally appropriate manner
Find the balance between not too much and not too little
• Make sure you understand the question(s) being asked
• Explain in a matter of fact manner
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Talking About Sex – Jerry Newport
Helpful Hints for Discussion
• Use simple visual aides to help explain male and female anatomical
functions
People with autism tend to be visual.
• Sex is a part of growing up to be discussed at the proper place and time
• Responsibility in…
Seeking
Having
Respecting the wishes of potential and actual partners
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Talking About Sex – Jerry Newport
Helpful Hints for Discussion
• Validate feelings of…
Fear
Possible loneliness from being left out socially
° For women especially — using sex as a way of gaining acceptance
• Share your own experiences as appropriate…
Successes
Mistakes
• You are there to provide nonjudgmental support in times of…
Further questions
Emergencies
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A U T I S M & S E X U A L I T Y
Talking About Sex – Masturbation Peter Gerhardt
Redirecting Inappropriate Masturbation
• Interrupt the behavior as early in the chain as possible
• Remind the individual as to the parameters of time and place
• Redirect the person to…
A. activities requiring the use of both hands
B. activities requiring preferred levels of attention, focus, or physical
movement
C. the appropriate place for that activity
• Make the alternate activity intrinsically reinforcing
• Consider scheduling “alone time” in their room if appropriate
• Avoid redirection to places other than an individual’s bedroom (e.g.
bathroom)
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Helping Sam Get a Date Case Study
—Relationships—
Sam is 16 years old, plays the tuba, and has recently taken notice of a cute flute
player in the band. He has shared with you that he would like to get to know her
“better.” Sam has told you a number of time he would like to see “more” of her
and you sense that he just can’t quite bring himself to say that he wants an
intimate relationship. He’s even talked about the possibility of marrying her. Sam
also revealed to you that she declined his offer to take her out for a hamburger.
As Sam’s confidant, what are some things that you can suggest to Sam about
romantic relationships and how he might be able to get a date?
• Please do the following…
1. describe what and how you will tell him about intimate relationships, and,
2. suggest how he might increase his chances of success for a date, and,
3. how to tell if she is not interested and what to do about it.
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FRIENDSHIP, DATING, & SEXUALITY
Talking About Sex – Resources
Aston, M., The other half of Asperger Syndrome.
Hénault, I., Asperger’s Syndrome and sexuality: From adolescence through
adulthood.
Hendrickx, S. Love, sex and longterm relationships: What people with Asperger
Syndrome really really want.
Lawson, W., Sex, sexuality and the autism spectrum.
Mesibov, G., The TEACCH approach to autism spectrum disorders.
Newport, J. & Newport, M., AutismAsperger’s and sexuality: Puberty and
beyond.
Shore, S., & Rastelli, L., Understanding autism for dummies.
SicileKira, C., Autism spectrum disorders: The complete guide to understanding
autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, pervasive developmental disorders, and
others ASDs.
Wrobel, M., Taking care of myself: A hygiene, puberty, and personal curriculum
for young people with autism.
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