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How can one really congratulate a friend enthusiastically for achieving some degree of success and recognition without eating his heart out? Theres so much to do and theres never enough time. How can I manage my life effectively?
Works in short term situation Has personal worth in the (symptomatic treatment) long term relationship Social band aids that treats Treats the underlying chronic only acute problems problem temporarily
Two people can see the same thing, disagree and yet both be right. The more we examine the way we see things, the more we can test them against reality. Listen to others and be open to their perception, to get a far more objective view.
Being Is Seeing
Be See Think Feel Behave
We cannot change our seeing without changing our being If you want to have. Be. The seven habits paradigm:
An inside-out approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness
Interdependence
PUBLIC VICTORY
Independence
Dependence
Character
Competence
CHARACTER
COMPETENCE
JUDGEMENT
CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE
CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE
Habit 1 BE PROACTIVE
1 Be proactive
PROACTIVE MODEL
Stimulus
Freedom To Choose
Response
PROACTIVE MODEL
Responsibility = Response-ability Proactive people:
Behavior in the product of ones decision based on values Personal leaders Take the initiative and are solutions to problems Successfully handle direct, indirect and no control problems
PROACTIVE MODEL
Reactive people:
Behavior is the product of ones condition based on feelings Unhappy people who feel victimized and immobilized, who focus on the weaknesses of other people Blame other people and circumstances they feel are responsible for their own stagnant situation.
Reactive Language There's noting I can do Thats just the way I am He makes me so mad
Proactive Language Lets look at our alternations I can choose a different approach I control my own feelings
I must
If only
I prefer
I will
No Concern
Circle of Concern
Circle of Concern
Circle of Influence
Circle of
Circle of
Circle of Influence
Circle of Influence
Concern
Concern
PROACTIVE FOCUS
(Positive energy enlarges the Circles of Influences)
REACTIVE FOCUS
(Negative energy reduces the Circles of Influences)
Habit 2
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
1 Be proactive
Start with a clear understanding of your destination Picture deeply what kind of husbands, wife, father or mother would you like to be? What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate?
Assumptions
Assume at your funeral, how would family, colleague, friend, church, etc talk about you Assume todays the last day in your life Assume: Body - Had a heart attack; Mind Life of your profession is 2 years; Heart Other person is clairvoyant; Spirit You met with the Almighty
Create a personal mission statements = a personal constitution, a frame of reference Align your daily behavior with your life objectives Business = busy-ness Climbing the ladder of success: effectiveness vs. efficiency
Circle of Concern
Circle of Influence
Wisdom
CENTER
Security
Guidance
Power
Our four life-supporting factors derive from the very center of our circle of influence
SECURITY: Sense of worth, self esteem & personal strength GUIDANCE: Source of direction in life
WISDOM:
POWER:
Perspective on life
Decision making ability
A principle center:
Creating a solid changeless core, from which flow the four life-support factors. Correct principles do not change
a principle-centered person stands apart from the emotion of the situation and evaluates the options.
A principle center:
You wont be acted upon by other people or circumstances See change as an exciting adventure and opportunity to make significant contributions.
Mission Statement A powerful document that expresses your personal sense of Purpose and meaning in life. It acts as a governing Constitution by which you evaluate decisions and choose behaviors.
Habit 3
PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
Things which matter most must never be a the mercy of things which matter least.
1 Be proactive
Mission Statement
Roles
Goals
LONG-TERM ORGANIZING
Schedule Roles Goals Plans
Delegate
WEEKLY ORGANIZING
Results
Burnout
Pressing problems
Results
Planning recreation
Results
Short-term focus Crisis management Feel victimized, out of control Broken relationships
IV
Results
Dependent on others
Total irresponsibility Fired from jobs
Urgent
Not Urgent
I
Important
. . . Crisis Pressing problems Deadline-driven projects, meetings, preparations
II
. . . . . . . Preparation Prevention Values clarification Planning Relationship building True re-creation Empowerment
Not Important
III
. . . . . Interruptions, some phone calls Some mail, some reports Some meetings Many proximate, pressing matters Many popular activities
IV
. . . . . . Trivia, busywork Some phone calls Time wasters Escape activities Irrelevant mail Excessive TV
Attach to Mission
NOT IMPORTANT
Distraction s
Time Wasters
The Key is not to prioritize your schedule but to schedule your priorities.
Organize Weekly
Exercise Integrity
Evaluate
Public Victory
There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity.
PUBLIC VICTORY
1 Be proactive
Clarifying expectations
Conflicts arise form ambiguous expectations about roles and goals
The first three habits help develop a deep base of character and personal security . Once these 3 habits become part of who you are you are then ready to begin building rich enduring highly productive relationships with other people and thats where habits four, five and six come in.
Habit Five : Seek first to understand, then to be understood Habit Six : This is the habit of creative co-operation - Synergy This happens when two sides in a dispute work together to come with a solution which is better than what either side initially proposed.
Habit 4
THINK WIN WIN
Think Win/Win 4
We have committed the Golden Rule to memory; let us now commit it to life
1 Be proactive
Win/Win
Seeks for mutual benefit All parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan Sees life as cooperative, not competitive
Listens more, stays in communication longer, and communicates with more courage.
Win-Lose : People with a win-lose mindset are concerned with themselves first and last. They want to win, and they want others to lose. They achieve success at the expense or exclusion of anothers success. They are driven by comparison, competition, position, and power. Characteristics Is very common scripting for most people Is the authoritarian approach. Uses position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get the Win.
Lose-Win : People who choose to lose and let others win show high consideration for others, but lack the courage to express and act on their feelings and beliefs. They are easily intimidated and borrow strength from acceptance and popularity. Characteristics Voices no standards, no demands, no expectations of anyone else. Is quick to please or appease. Buries a lot of feelings.
Lose-Lose : People who have a lose-lose paradigm are low on courage and consideration. They envy and criticize others. They put themselves and others down. Characteristics Is the mindset of a highly dependent person. Is the same as a no win because nobody benefits. Is a long-term result of a win-lose, lose-win, or win.
Win : People who hold a win paradigm think only of getting what they want. Although they dont necessarily want others to lose, they are personally set on winning. They think independently in interdependent situations, without sensitivity or awareness of others. Characteristics Is self-centered. Thinks me first. Doesnt really care if the other person wins or loses. Has a Scarcity Mentality.
Win-Win or No Deal : Win-Win or No Deal is the highest form of win-win. People who adopt this paradigm seek first for win-win. If they cannot find an acceptable solution, they agree to disagree agreeably. Characteristics Allows each party to say no. Is the most realistic at the beginning of a relationship or business deal. Is the highest form of Win.
Win/Win Character
Win/Win Relationship
Win/Win Agreements
Character
Three character traits essential to the win/win paradigms: Integrity: make and keep meaningful promises and commitments. People of Integrity are true to their feelings, values and commitments. Maturity: The balance between courage and consideration The ability to express ones won feelings and convictions balanced with consideration of the thoughts and feelings of others
Abundance Mentality Scarcity Mentality Theres only one pie Abundance Mentality There is plenty for everybody
Sense of worth and Define themselves form security comes from being within compared Deep inner sense of worth and security Someone elses success Someone else's success is means their failure our success sharing it.
Systems
Should be supportive (reward guidelines, available resources) Don't talk cooperation (win/lose) (win/win) and practice competition
You can best achieve win-win solutions with win-win systems and processes. But if Changing your systems to win-win feels overwhelming and out of reach, remember to work from the inside out. As you first develop a win-win character and then Win-Win Agreements and relationships, you will expand your Circle of Influence and be Able to work on processes.
Processes:
A four-step process:
1st see the problem from the other point of view
2nd identify the key issues and concerns
Habit 5
SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD
The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.
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Habit 6
SYNERGIZE
Take as a guide:
Synergize 6
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TRUST
Respectful (Compromise)
Synergy means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts
One plus one equals three or more. Identifying a third synergistic alternative/solution that will be better for everyone concerned.
Synergy The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Synergy takes place when two or more people produce more together than the sum of what they could have produces separately.
Win-lose competition. Group think (giving in to peer pressure). Always easy. Only a negotiation technique.
Problem or Opportunity
Synergize
Habits 4,5, & 6 The Action and Process
Third Alternative
SYNERGY
The Result
Anxiety Fixation
Jealousy Ego
The essence of synergy is valuing the differences. Valuing the differences does not imply that individuals approve of or agree with differences; however it does mean that people respect differences and view them as opportunities for learning. The differing opinions of others and their viewpoints, perspectives, talents and gifts are valuable when seeking solutions. These differences enable you to discover and produce things together that you would much less likely discover and produce individually. At what level do you value the differences ?
Celebrate Value
Accept
Tolerate
Habit 7
SHARPEN THE SAW PRINCIPLES OF BALANCED SELF-RENEWAL
Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things I am tempted to think.. There are no little things.
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Its preserving and enhancing personal PC. The greatest asset we have. Its we.
PHYSICAL Exercise, Nutrition, Stress Management
SOCIAL Service, Empathy, Synergy, Intrinsic Security SPIRITUAL Value Clarification & Commitment, Study & Meditation
Sharpen the Saw is a daily process of renewing for four dimensions of our nature : Physical, Mental, Spiritual and Social / Emotional. These four dimensions sustain and increase our capacities and help us discipline our mind, body and spirit. This daily private victory is a victory over self. Not only does the daily Private victory stimulate growth, but it also helps us to achieve the Public Victory. As we achieve these victories through renewal, we cultivate and nurture the other six habits.
We can sharpen the Saw in Four Areas : Physical (Body): We build physical wellness through proper nutrition, exercise, rest And stress management. Mental (Mind) : We increase mental capacity through, reading, writing, and thinking.
Spiritual (Spirit): We develop spiritually through reading inspiring literature, through meditating and praying and through spending time with nature. Social / Emotional (Other Relationships) : We mature socially and emotionally by making consistent, daily Deposits in the Emotional Bank Account of our key relationships.
Its exercising the four dimensions of our nature regularly and consistently, in wise and balanced way.
A thousand-mile journey begins with the first step. And can only be taken one step at a time.
How can we remember our ignorance which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all the time.
PARADIGM SHIFTS
A BREAK FROM TRADITIONAL WISDOM TOWARD 7 HABITS PRINCIPLES
We are a product of our environment and upbringing. Society is the source of our values. Reactive to the tyranny of the urgent. Acted upon by the environment. Win-lose. One-sided benefit. Fight, flight, or compromise when faced with conflict. Differences are threats. Independence is the highest value. Unity means sameness. Entropy. Burnout on one track - typically work.
We are a product of our choices to our environment and upbringing. Values are self-chosen and provide foundation for decision making. Values flow out of principles. Actions flow from that which is important. Win-win. Mutual benefit. Communication solves problems. Differences are values and are opportunities for synergy. Continuous self-renewal and selfimprovement.
Habit 4
Habit 5
Habit 6
Habit 7
BE PROACTIVE
I can forgive, forget, and let go of past injustices
INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Be Reactive.
HABIT 1
Proactive people take responsibility for their own lives. They determine the agendas they will follow and choose their response to what happens around them.
Reactive people dont take responsibility for their own lives. They feel victimized, a product of circumstances, their past, and other people. They do not see as the creative force of their lives.
INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Begin with No End in Mind.
HABIT 2
personal vision, correct principles, and their deep sense of personal meaning to accomplish tasks in a positive and effective way. They live life based on self-chosen values and are guided by their personal mission statement.
These people lack personal vision and have not developed a deep sense of personal meaning and purpose. They have not paid the price to develop a mission statement and thus live life based on societys values instead of selfchosen values.
INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Put Second Things First.
HABIT 3
These people exercise discipline, and they plan and execute according to priorities. They also walk their talk and spend significant time in Quadrant II.
These people are crisis managers who are unable to stay focused on highleverage tasks because of their preoccupation with circumstances, their past, or other people. They are caught up in the thick of thin things and are driven by the urgent.
INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Think Win-Lose or Lose-Win.
These people have a scarcity mentality and see life as a zero-sum game. They have ineffective communication skills and low trust levels in their Emotional Bank Accounts with others, resulting in a defensive mentality and adversarial feelings.
HABIT 4
INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
HABIT 5
Through perceptive observation and empathic listening, these nonjudgmental people are intent on learning the needs, interests, and concerns of others. They are then able to courageously state their own needs and wants.
These people put forth their point of view based solely on their auto-biography and motives, without attempting to understand others first. They blindly prescribe without first diagnosing the problem.
INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Compromise, Fight, or Flight.
HABIT 6
Effective people know that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. They value and benefit from differences in others, which results in creative cooperation and team-work.
Ineffective people believe the whole is less than the sum of the parts. They try to clone other people in their own image. Differences in others are looked upon as threats.
INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Wear Out the Saw.
HABIT 7
Effective people are involved in self-renewal and self-improvement in the physical, mental, spiritual, and socialemotional areas, which enhance all areas off their life and nurture the other six habits.
Ineffective people fall back, lose their interest, and get disordered. They lack a program of self-renewal and self-improvement and eventually lose the cutting edge they once had.
CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE
CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE
2.
7.
PYRAMID OF INFLUENCE
TEACHING
RELATIONSHIP
EXAMPLE
EFFECTIVE HABITS
HABITS
Skills (how to) Desire (want to)
CHARACTER
COMPETENCE
JUDGEMENT
Self-Awareness
We begin to become self-aware and explore the programs we are living out. We come to realize that we stand apart from our programming and can even examine it. We also realize that between stimulus and response, we have the freedom to choose. This self-awareness then leads to the ability to look at other unique endowments in our secret life.
Conscience
Our conscience is our internal sense of right and wrong, our moral nature. It is the greater harmonizer and balance wheel of all the principles that govern our behavior. Our conscience gives us a sense of the degree to which our thoughts and actions are in harmony with our principles.
Power of Imagination
We can visit the power of the mind to create or to imagine that which does not exist now. In that imagination lie our faith and our hope for the future. We look at what is possible, what we can envision.
Time wasters
Duplicity
Interruptions
Unkindness
Pressing problems
Control own life Maintain high Emotional Bank Account with self and others
Violated expectations
Crises
The 7 habits of highly effective people is a holistic, integrated, principle centered approach for solving our personal and professional problems Principles that give us the security to adapt to change and the wisdom and power to take advantage of the opportunities that change creates.