Experiencing the Power of the Holy Spirit in Your Marriage (and Family)

Enrich It Gods Way

The Holy Spirit and Life

I do not need to tell you that the main difference between Christianity and all other religions is that Christ lives in us. Paul said in Colossians 1:27 To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

Effects of His Presence

To have a Christian Marriage a person has to be a Christian

We must be able to confess with our lips

that Jesus is Lord and believe in our heart that he has been resurrected from the dead and we will be saved. (Romans 10:9-10). This begins the journey that leads us on the way to become an authentic Christian

Effects of His Presence

William James did not say this in his writings on salvation, but the authentic Christian loves everybody The song Give me That Old Time Religion had a verse in it that says It makes you love everybody. Its true. It does! Especially our spouse

What is Love?

Love is an emotion. Emotions move people

Love draws people to one another

They want to get to know one

another So they make themselves vulnerable and reveal themselves to one another

Love?
They reveal their vices and virtues
Their perfections an imperfections Their Assets and liabilities

Now this process takes place both verbally and by observation The best places to observe it is in the loved ones family and social settings

Why Know Them?

Because we have two personalities We have:

A public personality And a private (or intimate)

personality

Public and Private

It is the private personality that we have to live with when we marry Unfortunately our personalities are often disparate

Some men and women may be

charming and delightful in public and devilish in intimate relationships

Public and Private

My mentor used to describe some women as drawing room (public) angels and house devils Men can be the same

The only way to find out all about a

person is to know them for a sufficient length of time and in different social situations It takes at least a year to know them intimately

Love?
As we learn about one another we psychospiritually install the other person And when this process is complete we are one. This is what God meant when he told us to leave our father and mother and become one with our mate. (Genesis 2:24)

Back to Effects
Just as we install our mates in ourselves We also install the Lord in our lives We love because he first loves us, and when he does our lives are transformed He gives us a new personality We have:

Effects of His Presence

A happy mood that comes from His indwelling love There is a loss of worry We have an understanding of truths not perceived before There is changed behavior The world is objectively changed There is a sense of cleanliness both inside and out

Effects of His Presence

In our post conversion life we are more likely to:

Live longer Have better health Heal more quickly

Have better marriages

Rear children of worth Be better citizens

Effects of His Presence

Be more likely to communicate

with God regularly Live by Gods commandments and live moral lives Be persons of integrity Have stronger support communities Be more altruistic

Why?

The answer lies in the presence of the Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit lives in us as a

controller that is over our mind and guides our human nature into Godly pursuits

Why?
He

controls our human nature! Without Christ we cannot control our human nature. We do what it tells us to do Satan uses this to make us sin by tempting us

Why?
The acts of the sinful nature are

obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. Gal 5:19-21

Why?
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22,23a He provides these in our marriages

Fruit and Marriage

Love is enhanced Joy comes from living together and having children Peace comes from the security we have in loving one another Patience comes as we work toward the same goals

Fruit and Marriage

Faithfulness is a fruit because we have become one with our mate and have promised to be faithful and are expected to be Gentleness is a derivative of love for we do not want to hurt the object of our love Kindness is also a derivative of love as is goodness

Fruit and Marriage

When we love someone we put their best interests and welfare above out own We live our lives for them We deny ourselves, and are no longer selfish and self centered We become their servant

Exercise
I want you to take one sheet of paper and write a love letter to your spouse listing all the things that make you love them. Write only one page. You may go over a little bit but keep it short and concise It can be as mushy as you want to make it We will take a 30 minute break when you have finished

What do we want in our Marriage

We want to be able to communicate with one another We want to love one another We want a good sexual relationship We want children We want to share recreational interests

What do we Want?
We want intellectual stimulation Shared religion Having an orderly home Having in laws we can like Good food Possessions

What are we to do?

We are obligated as Christians to grow in our faith and our relationship with our spouse To do this we have to:

Pray with one another Study the Word of God Worship in Spirit and truth And witness

Building Spiritual Strength

Spiritual strength comes from regular encounters with The Spirit of God.
We encounter God

In our music Our prayer Our Bible study In the Eucharist And in the personal testimony of others

Building Spiritual Strength

Personal testimony is what Jesus commanded us to do in Acts 1:8, But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

Building Spiritual Strength

Witness is always relating what we have seen and heard A testimony to the works of God reveals his love for us and thus he inhabits that testimony This is why we encounter Him in witness

Building Spiritual Strength

We need to encounter God because our power leaks out

Our encounters renew the power of the

Spirit in us and we are able to serve God and witness for him We can tell of his wondrous works But we can also be be more loving husbands, wives, fathers and mothers, pastors, teachers and friends

Why?

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

Why?

The mind controlled by the sinful nature is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. The sinful mind is hostile to God; it does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. Romans 8:5-8

What effect does the Holy Spirit have on marriage?

The answer is that it makes an enormous difference

50% of marriages in our country end in

divorce In the general church the divorce rate is about 45% When two born again Christians marry it is only 10% And when two Spirit filled Christians marry the divorce rate is only1%

Why the Disparity?

The answer lies in the fact That Gods presence in the lives of both spouses enhances their love for one another and they are able to use the biblical guides to right living to be one God began his instruction in the beginning. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

What more does God say about marriage and family?

The Bible says that the scriptures are a guide to right living They clearly address Marriage an family with principles of relating to our husbands, wives and children

Principles

First it says that married and later family life should have love and order Ephesians 5:21-33
The love should be unconditional
And spouses should be submitted

to one another

Principles
Second there should be well defined roles The husband is the breadwinner

He is to be the protector of the

home The primary disciplinarian An the head of the house Attending to all his duties in love

Principles

The husband and father is also to be:

Hardworking Trustworthy Generous Wise and knowledgeable Frugal A kind and fair disciplinarian

Principles
The wife is to be the homemaker

and nurturer of the children She is to be one with her husband in disciplining the children Her primary job is to socialize the children She may also contribute to bread winning, but her primary duty is homemaker

Principles
There should be open and honest communication Ephesians 4:17-32 There should be agreement on:

Management of finances

John Wesleys principles

Sexual activity Child nurturance And social and recreational activity

Communication Rules
Listen Hear them out Talk only when it is your turn Try to understand how the other person feels Dont defend yourself

Communication Rules Continued

State in love what you think and feel Bring every argument to a conclusion After the argument is over and the emotion is out of it SETTLE IT!

Communication Style

In marriage the couple should live an assertive life style of communication

This means that they confess their

thoughts and feelings The do not express their thoughts and feelings nor do they Repress their thoughts and feelings

Communication

A simple mnemonic to help you remember how to be assertive is

When
I think and I feel I would like

Communicating Love
Gary Chapman Says that love is communicated in ways other than talking. It is important, but other things are necessary. We are to love our wives and husbands unconditionally

Do not be critical Do not condemn Heed Ephesians 4:29-32

Communicating love

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Communicating Love

Spend Quality time together

It should be free of distractions It should be a time for unrestricted

communication It should be a time where you can have fun You should not have the kids along. Park them with someone else

Communicating Love

A third method of communicating love is to give and receive gifts

These do not have to be expensive They should be something that

your mate can use and be reminded of your love They should be something that your wife or husband will like

Communicating Love

Have non sexual physical contact

Men should hold their wives so that they

feel protected and secure They should be hugged and kissed and not dragged off to bed Hold their hands, put your arm around them when possible while seated Pats on the fanny, kisses on the neck, stroking their head, and other non sexual gestures qualify. Spouses should receive these with appreciation

Communicating Love

Perform acts of service

Women have a tough time raising and

nurturing kids Husbands should help them as much as possible especially if the wife works Cleaning the table, loading the dishwasher, Putting clean dishes away Taking out the trash Bathing the kids if necessary And many other things that show you care

The Holy Spirit and the Family

Application of Christian principles in marriage should:

Create stability in the home

Create children of worth

Bring happiness to all members And glorify God, for that is mans

chief aim (Westminster Shorter Catechism--Question 1)

What else do we need to do to create a spirit guided family life

We should affirm our children, i.e. love each of them unconditionally. I cannot emphasize this enough We should teach them biblical values. Deuteronomy 4:9,10; 6:6-9; 31:10-13 We should be role models of spiritual men and women

Family Life

Communicate our faith through personal witness and example

Teach Bible in a simple way through

Bible story telling and limited verse memorization Teach children how to pray by praying with them Teach Gods rules of moral behavior by explaining why we obey them

Family Life
Demonstrate your faith by living it
Go to a church where Christ is

regularly encountered Be excited about your faith Make it seem desirable Communicate the benefits through thanksgiving

Conclusions
Having a marriage and family in the Spirit requires continuing spiritual growth of both parents Both parents need to actively use the means of grace to facilitate their growth. They need to pray together, study the bible and worship together.