COMMUNICATION WITH PARENTS,

TEACHERS AND PEERS

A SKILL DEVELOPMENT SESSION
FOR STUDENTS

Mrs E Manchula Mary

Counselling Psychologist
9560883440

Communication - Meaning
Communication is a dynamic process
through this process we convey a thought

or feeling to someone else.

how it is received depends on a set of
events, stimuli, that person is exposed to.
how you say, what you say, plays an
important role in communication.

Communication is a Series of Experiences of

Hearing

Smell

Seeing
Taste

Touch

Why Communications Skills Are So

Important ?
The purpose of communication is to get your

message across to others. This is a process that

involves both the sender of the message and
the receiver. This process leaves room for error,
with messages often misinterpreted by one or
more of the parties involved. This causes
unnecessary confusion and counter productivity.

In fact, a message is successful only when both

the sender and the receiver perceive it in the

same way.

Why Communications Skills Are So

Important ?
Communication barriers can pop-up at

every stage of the communication process

(which consists of sender, message,
channel,
receiver,
feedback
and
context ) and have the potential to create
misunderstanding and confusion.

How do you go about Establishing

Rapport?
You
You
You
You
You

need
must
must
must
must

Self-Confidence
Understand People
be Enthusiastic
make Eye Contact
be Interested in them

Communication
Is Affected By...
Personal Factors
mood
energy level / fatigue
body language
Environment
noise
temperature
other distractions
Whether we use old technology or new, effective

communication includes active listening, choosing our

words carefully and matching them with our body
language.

Barriers in Communication
(that have to do with the COMMUNICATOR)
Unwillingness to say things differently
Unwillingness to relate to others differently
Unwillingness to learn new approaches
Lack of Self-Confidence
Lack of Enthusiasm
Voice quality
Prejudice

Barriers in
Communication
(that have to do with the
COMMUNICATOR)

Disagreement between verbal and non-verbal

messages
Negative Self Image
Lack of Feedback
Lack of Motivation and Training
Language and Vocabulary Level
Lack of Self Awareness

Barriers in Communication
(that have to do with the RECEIVER)

Selective Perception
Unwillingness to Change
Lack of Interest in the Topic/Subject
Prejudice & Belief System
Rebuttal Instincts
Personal Value System
Here-and-Now internal & external factors

External Barriers in
Communication
Environment
The venue
The effect of noise
Temperature in the room
Other People Status, Education
Time

Rights and Responsibilities

Each of us has the right and the

responsibility to:
Be listened to
Acknowledge the concerns of others
Say what we feel and think
Say "No" to something we don't want to do
or don't believe in, without feeling guilty
Say "I need time to think about that"
Negotiate to resolve differences

Listening
Active listening sends the message that

you want to understand what is being said,

and the person speaking is important to
you.
Being a good listener builds healthy
relationships

Improving Listening Skills

By not being Preoccupied
Being Open Minded & Non Defensive
Minimizing Interruptions
Effective Listening is: Hearing, interpreting

when necessary, understanding the message

and relating to it.
By Asking Questions

Which style works best?

Which style would you like to receive?
Consider these styles of communication:

YOU DID IT AGAIN... (yelling)

You borrowed my new shirt and got stuff all over it! You're so stupid! I hate
you!
your favorite shirt that was left rumpled on the floor after your roommate

borrowed it. You frown and say nothing.

Thanks a lot! I'll wash my shirt myself. Then you think (but don't say):

That's the last time I lend you anything - I don't care how many times you
ask. And you slam the door.

I found my shirt on the floor in your room and it needs to be washed. I'm

angry that you didn't return it or take care of it. I need my shirt cleaned and
returned today.

Communication Styles
Passive
Hesitates, apologizes, gives in or says nothing.
Makes little eye contact, frowns.
Speaks in a shy or timid voice, or mumbles.
Aggressive
Interrupts, exaggerates, blames, makes demands;

uses sarcasm.
Makes glaring eye contact.
Yells, swears, calls names, clenches fist.
Ignores feelings of others.

Communication Styles
Passive-Aggressive
Initially apologizes, then makes plan to get even.
Avoids eye contact.
Expresses anger through body language or actions

(e.g. facial expression or slamming a door) instead of

through words.
Ignores the problem for the present but there may be
an argument later.
Assertive
Speaks clearly and firmly using statements.
Shows respect for self and for others.
Makes steady eye contact.
Uses an upright confident body posture and a pleasant,

firm voice.

Being Assertive Means...

You express your feelings and your rights
clearly.
You act in your own best interests but still
consider the needs and rights of others.
You develop trust and equality in your
relationships.
You ask for help when you need it.
How Assertive am I?

Message - in 3 Simple Steps

Describe the situation and how it affects you.

Give just the facts.

Say how you feel.

For example: sad, happy, angry, afraid...

Say what you need.

Describe the action you need to see, and a promise or
it will happen.

commitment that

Sometimes you can decrease tension in problem situations with humour, the
tone of your voice and a smile, as you make your point.
The same 3 steps are a great way to compliment, support and encourage
someone you care about. Being assertive builds healthy relationships.

Tips on Being Assertive

Make eye contact.
Use a pleasant firm voice.
Call the other person by name.
Use confident-looking posture.
Choose the best time and place - sometimes, it works best to

ask for a few minutes to speak to the other person in private.

Difficult People
However, the world is not made up of all reasonable people.

"Difficult" people, and reasonable people who are very stressed

(that's all us of from time to time) do not always respond the
way we want them to, even when we use great communication
skills.

Handling Pressure and Saying

"NO!"
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt

pressured to do something you didn't want to do?

Lines are the pressure statements that people throw at you when

they want you to do something. In some situations - such when you

know there's a safety or health risk, or when it's against the law the best comeback is "No" and you don't even have to explain.
Other times, good comebacks are useful in getting someone who
is pressuring you off your back. The more often you use comebacks,
the easier it gets.

First - recognize when you're being

thrown a line
Statements that may seem logical, but your feelings (your

intuition or your "gut" reaction) tell you something is not right.

Try to get you to do something you don't believe in, or simply
don't want to do.
May sound like jokes, but usually leave you feeling
embarrassed or scared.
Try to persuade, manipulate and control other people.

Neither lines nor comebacks build healthy

relationships.

Handling Criticism From Another Person

1. If the criticism is
constructive and accurate

2. If the criticism is accurate

but not constructive

Acknowledge your mistake and

accept its accuracy.
Apologize.
Take steps to correct the situation.

Q: You missed an important part in your

report.
A: You're right. Thanks for telling me.
I'm sorry I missed that. I'll fix it.
Acknowledge your mistake.
Assert yourself in reply to any
insult.
Take steps to correct the situation.
Q: You missed the most important
section in your report. What an idiot!
A: Yes, I did miss an important section.
And no, that does not make me an idiot.
I'll fix it.

3. If the criticism is
inaccurate

Ask for more info.

Correct the misperception.

Q: You're allways late. I can't depend on you

at all.
A: When has this been a problem? I know you
think I'm always late, but it's only been once
this month.
4. If the criticism is
Find some small way to agree.
unkind, and its accuracy is
Ask for ideas.
a matter of opinion
Q: I can't believe what you're doing... you're
gonna mess everything up even more doing it
that way. It's a stupid idea!
A1: It's possible... you could be right - but I've
checked things out and I'm comfortable with
the idea.
A2: Yes, I may have new problems to deal
with and I've thought about how I'll handle
them if they do occur.
A3: You have a better way... what is your
idea?

Resolving Conflict
Conflict is a part of the range of
interactions we have with other people.
Resolving conflict often leads to a
stronger relationship.
Two sides working together to solve a
problem often arrive at a better
solution than if each side worked alone.

Resolving Conflict
Watch Out for Communication

Blocks...
Arguing
Withdrawing
Blaming or accusing
Not listening
Changing the subject

Resolving Conflict
Try to Avoid...
Jumping to conclusions
Mind reading
Unrealistic expectations... such as perfection
Cool Down Time
Take 4 or 5 deep breaths.
Put the brakes on hostile thoughts... change your focus.
Buy yourself some time with "I need some time to think about

this".
Discharge the adrenaline with some exercise... go
for a walk.
Talk yourself down... listen to music... laugh.
Clear your mind for some creative solutions.

Increase Your Skill

1. Come up with a plan
Agree on the problem to be solved
Choose the time and place
Agree not to interrupt
2. Listen to understand
Respect the values of others
Ask questions to clarify
Paraphrase - confirm you have understood
3. Use "I" messages
Describe the situation and how it affects you
Say how this makes you feel
Paraphrase - confirm you have understood
Say what you need to see happen

??????
THANK YOU