Self Control and Aggression in Children

Stephanie Wagerer
ECD 420
Guidance in Social & Emotional Behavior

Objectives
Distinguish the differences between caregiving styles
Discuss how caregiving styles affect the ability to demonstrate self control
To gain knowledge of the stages of development and how self control grows with
each stage
To understand aggression and aggressive behaviors
Learn how to model appropriate self control techniques in the classroom and
home

Self Control Assessment

Do you feel that preschoolers are able to control their emotions?
Is your child able to regulate their emotions at home?
As a child, were you allowed the freedom to express your emotions?
Do you find yourself to be more lenient as a parent as opposed to your upbringing?
Do grandparents or family members allow your children to misbehave more than you
do?
Do you leave a public place if your child misbehaves?
Do you consider tantrums to be a normal part of early childhood?
Do you feel as though you would benefit from more information on teaching children
self control?
Do you feel overwhelmed by your childs behavior at home or at school?
Does your child act impulsively or aggressively towards other children or towards
yourself?

Assessment Results
1. 60% answered yes 40% no
2. 60% answered yes 40% no
3. 70% answered yes 30% no
4. 90% answered yes 10% no
5. 70% answered yes 30% no
6. 100% answered yes 0% no
7. 90% answered yes 10% no
8. 40% answered yes 60% no

What are the different caregiving styles?

Authoritative

Authoritarian

Helps children feel safe and secure. This type of caregiving style allows children to
develop prosocial behavior, responsibility for their actions, good self esteem, and
self control. Authoritative caregiving promotes appropriate self control by modeling
it, communicating expectations, giving specific information on how children can
control themselves, recognizes, and encourages children who act in
developmentally appropriate self controlled ways.

Caregivers are demanding but lack responsiveness. Rules are laid out but not
enforced and caregivers use physical punishment, threats, lies, shaming, hostile
humor, and disconnecting. Caregivers with this style do not understand that
children are just learning self control and expect children to meet their unrealistic
standards. This type of caregiving leads to poor self esteem and self control, rather
the parents try to control the child externally instead of developing internal control
of self. Children are more likely to exhibit the same angry outbursts and aggression
patterns as their caregivers.

Indulgent

Caregivers are permissive and allow children to dictate their own rules and choices.
Discipline is ineffective and unheeded by the child. Permissive caregivers overlook
bad behaviors or attempt to enforce rules only to become frustrated with the child
ignoring them. Often limits that are set are not consistently enforced. Children tend
to be dependent, lack impulse control, and are lacking in self-reliance and selfresponsibility.

Unengaged

Though both parents are permissive, the differences lie in responsiveness to the
child. Both are low in demanding but indulgent parents are high in responsiveness.
They often give their child what they want to make the child happy and set few
limits. Unengaged caregivers are simply there in presence only. They lack
responsiveness to their childs needs and are low in their demands as well.
Children are often left to fend for themselves.
In one case children are given everything they want, in the other children are
neglected often to the point of harm.

How does self control develop?

Birth to 12
months
Ages 1-2

24 mos.

3 years +

Infants do not possess the ability to have control of self. At this stage they are learning
that they are separate people from others.
Children can follow an adults lead, they can start, stop, change, or maintain motor
acts of emotional signals, communication develops between receptive and spoken
language, and children develop an emerging awareness of demands made by
caregivers.
Children can recall some events and represent experiences. At this age children are
only developing self control such a limited delayed gratification or waiting in line to take
a turn.
By 3, most children can wait in line patiently for a short period of time and can use
methods to distract themselves. Children can share, have a greater range of words to
use, and have developed a stronger sense of self reliance.
Some disabilities such as ADHD and autism can affect self-control and have greater difficulties in self regulation than their
neurotypical peers.

What does self control look like?

Children show self control when they can demonstrate the following
Control impulses, wait, and postpone actions
Tolerate frustration
Postpone immediate gratification
Set a plan in motion and carry it out
Self control develops from the outside in. Children develop control over their body first as they develop gross and fine
motor skills and then as they begin to develop emotional control.
Self control is a slow process that takes many years to develop. A three year old child cannot demonstrate the same
level of self control as a five year old.
Self control develops haltingly. Sometimes it manifests and sometimes it doesnt and often children can swing wildly from
one extreme to the other in the same day.

What is Aggression?
Aggression takes many
forms such as:

Physical
Emotional
Psychological
Verbal
Direct
Indirect
Planned
Unplanned

Why are children aggressive?

Children learn aggressive behaviors from their family first and continue to learn
aggressive behaviors through peers and media influence. Aggression is used as a
problem solving technique to cope with anger, frustration,or other negative
emotions.
Aggression also surfaces as a symptom of mood and brain disorders such as
Bipolar disorder, ADHD, Autism, OCD, Conduct Disorder, and Oppositional
Defiance Disorder.

How to address self control

The Center on the Social and
Emotional Foundations for Early
Learning (CSEFEL) website has
a wealth of information on
understanding and teaching to
challenging behaviors. Often
times, the school setting is the
only place where children
receive consistency of care and
gain knowledge of appropriate
behavior and boundaries. Using
books, charts, positive feedback,
scripted stories, and using tools
to teach emotional and prosocial
skills, teachers can help children
learn to develop self control and
self-regulation.

Building
Relationships
and supportive
environments

Caregivers can help children recognize moments where they demonstrate

self control by using positive feedback such as:
Im so appreciative that you
Excellent idea for
You have really learned how to
You have worked so hard
WOW!! What a fabulous job youve done of
Thats a cool way to
I like that youve
Give me an EXTRA HUGE high five for
You have really learned how to
These words can go a long way to helping children continue to work on
developing self control and self-regulation.

Books can help too

Teaching Emotional Skills

Children need to be taught positive
prosocial skills in everyday interactions.
During moments of aggression or
frustration, using techniques such as the
turtle technique help children develop self
control. During conflict, the child stops
and counts quietly before thinking of a
solution. The technique is modeled by the
teacher as it is introduced and the
teacher continues to demonstrate the
technique as children learn how to use it
more frequently and rely on the teacher
less for prompting.

Conclusion
Self control develops from the outside in; children master their bodies before they master their
emotions
Self control develops slowly and haltingly
Children can not think and act the same way adults do and extreme expectations lead to increased
behavioral issues
Children develop self control by how they are taught
Authoritarian and permissive caregiving styles lead to greater problems with self-regulation,
independence, and self control
Poor self control leads to inappropriate behavior such as tantrums, defiance, and aggression
Parents and teachers can model self control using words, books, stories, and positive feedback

References
CSEFEL: Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning. (n.d.). Retrieved March 27, 2016, from
http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/resources/strategies.html#teachingskills

DeBord, K. (n.d.). Childhood Aggression: Where does it come from? How can it be managed? North Carolina Cooperative
Extension Service. Retrieved March 27, 2016, from https://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs_504.pdf

Marion, M. (1981). Guidance of young children (9th ed.). St. Louis: Mosby