ATTACHMENTS

WHAT ENABLES CLOSE

RELATIONSHIPS?
ATTACHMENTS
Are strong feelings of
affection or loyalty for
someone or something
 ATTACHMENTS
Secure Attachment Avoidant Attachment Insecure Attachment

Attachments rooted in trust Attachments marked by Attachments marked by

and marked by intimacy discomfort over, or anxiety or ambivalence.
resistance to, being close to
others.
ATTACHMENTS

WHAT ENABLES CLOSE

RELATIONSHIPS?

EQUITY
 EQUITY
A condition in which the
outcomes people receive
from a relationship are
proportional to what they
contribute to it.
Long-Term Equity
Margaret Clark and Judson Mills (1979, 1993; Clark, 1984, 1986)
have argued that people even take pains to avoid calculating any
exchange benefits. When we help a good friend, we do not want
instant repayment. If someone invites us for dinner, we wait before
reciprocating, lest the person attribute the motive for our return
invitation to be merely paying off a social debt.
True friends tune into one anothers needs even when
reciprocation is impossible (Clark & others, 1986, 1989).
In experiments with University of Maryland students, Clark and
Mills confirmed that not being calculating is a mark of friendship.
Perceived Equity and Satisfaction
Robert Schafer and Patricia Keith (1980) surveyed several hundred married
couple of all ages, noting those who felt their marriages were somewhat unfair
because one spouse contributed too little to the cooking, housekeeping,
parenting, or providing. Inequity took its toll: Those who perceived inequity
also felt more distressed and depress.
During the child-rearing years, when wives often feel underbenefited the
husbands overbenefited, marital satisfaction tends to dip. During the
honeymoon and empty-nest stages, spouses are more likely to perceive equity
and to feel satisfaction with their marriages (Feeney & others, 1994.)
When both partners freely give and receive, and make decisions together, the
odds of sustained, satisfying love are good.
 Perceived inequity triggers martial distress, agree
Nancy Grote and Margaret Clark (2001) from their
tracking of married couples over time. But they also
report that the traffic between inequity and distress
runs both ways: Marital distress exacerbates the
perception of unfairness.
ATTACHMENTS SELF-DISCLOSURE

WHAT ENABLES CLOSE

RELATIONSHIPS?

EQUITY
What is a friend? I will tell
you. It is a person with whom
you dare to be yourself.
-Frank Crane, A Definition of
Friendship
SELF-DISCLOSURE
Revealing intimate
aspects of oneself to
others.
SELF-DISCLOSURE
Research studies finds that most of us enjoy intimacy. Its gratifying
to be singled out for anothers disclosure. We feel pleased when a
normally reserved person says something about us made me feel
like opening up and shares confidential information (Archer & Cook,
1986; D. Taylor & others, 1981).
Not only do we like those who disclose, we also disclose to those
whom we like. And after disclosing to them, we like them more
(Collin & Miller, 1994). Lacking opportunities for intimate disclosure
or concealing distressing information, we experience the pain of
loneliness (Berg & Peplau, 1982; Solano & others, 1982; Uysal &
others, 2010).
DISCLOSURE RECIPROCITY
The tendency for one
persons intimacy of self-
disclosure to match that
of a conversational
partner.
Disclosure
Disclosure begets disclosure. (Berg, 1987; Miller, 1990; Reis &
Shaver, 1998).
We reveal more to those who have been open with us. But intimate
disclosure is seldom instant. Appropriate intimacy progresses like a
dance: I reveal a little, you reveal a little but not too much. You
then reveal more, and I reciprocate.
What are the effects of such self-
disclosure?
Humanistic psychologist Sidney Jourard (1964) argued that
dropping our masks, letting ourselves be known as we are, nurtures
love. He presumed that it is gratifying to open up to another and then
to receive the trust another implies by being open with us. People
feel better on days when they have disclosed something significant
about themselves, such as being lesbian or gay, and feel worse when
concealing their identity (Beals & others, 2009).