Chapter

EIGHT

COMMUNICATION
CLIMATE: THE
FOUNDATION OF
PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPS
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 Communication Climate

 Communication climate: The overall

feeling or emotional mood between
people—warm or cold, safe or anxious,
comfortable or awkward, accepting or
rejecting, open or guarded—that is shaped
by verbal and nonverbal interaction
between people.
 Communication Climate

 Understanding the communication

climate gives us insight into why we feel
relaxed and comfortable in some
relationships and uneasy and defensive
in others
 Learning how communication shapes
communication climates will help us to
create and sustain the climates that we
want in our relationships
 Features of Satisfying Relationships
 4 Critical Factors for building and sustaining
satisfying relationships:
1. Investment- what we put into a relationship
that we can’t get back if the relationship
ended
 Time, energy, thought, feelings, money, gifts..
 Our perceived equality enhances satisfaction
 When we put more in than we are getting, we
become dissatisfied and resentful
 When we put in less, we feel guilty
Features of Satisfying Relationships

2. Commitment- a decision to remain in a

relationship (not a feeling)
 The intention to share the future; they assume
they will continue together
 Less likely to perceive problems and tensions
as reasons to end the relationship
 They take responsibility for continuing to invest
in and care for their bond
 Features of Satisfying Relationships
3. Trust- believing in another’s reliability and effort to
look out for our welfare and relationship
 Doesn’t come naturally, it is earned over time
(reliable, caring, and invest in relationship)
 When established, we feel psychologically safe (count
on them to protect our confidences and continue
caring about us)
 Self-Disclosure- intentional revelation of personal
information others aren’t likely to find elsewhere
 Takes place gradually, with caution; begins with
superficial information
 If response is empathy and understanding, our
disclosure become more personal and trust grows
 Not everyone discloses equally; women make more
verbal disclosures than men, who disclose with actions
 Features of Satisfying Relationships
4. Comfort with Relational Dialectics- understanding
and being comfortable with (these) opposing forces.
 They are normal and continuous in personal relationships,
although they can be frustrating (reflected in romantic,
friend, and work relationships)
 Autonomy/Connection- tension between the desire to be
independent, but to also be close to others
 Novelty/Predictability- tension between wanting new and
wanting the familiar or routine
 Openness/Closedness- tension between wanting open
communication and wanting a degree of privacy (even
with intimates)
 If we understand that these are normal, we can accept
and grow from them
 Examples of Dialectics

AUTONOMY/CONNECTION NOVELTY/PREDICTABILTY OPENNESS/CLOSEDNESS

I want to be close. I like the familiar rhythms I like sharing so much with you.
and routines of our
relationship.

I need my own space. We need to do something There are some things I don't
new and different. want to talk about with you.
Negotiating Dialectical Tensions- handling the
tension generated by opposing needs (1 of 2)
• Neutralization- to negotiate the balance
between two dialectical needs; each need
is met to an extent, but neither is fully
satisfied
• Selection- we give priority to one
dialectical need and neglect the other;
some partners cycle between needs by
favoring each one alternately Ex: couples
spend a lot of time together, then a lot of
time apart.
Negotiating Dialectical Tensions (2 of 2)

• Separation- assigning one dialectical need

to certain aspects of interaction and the
opposing dialectical to other aspects; Ex:
autonomous professionally, but connected
with family matters
• Reframing- a complex strategy in which
partners redefine contradictory needs as
not in opposition; Ex: defining differences
and disagreements (autonomy) as
enhancing intimacy (connectedness)
Levels of Confirmation and Disconfirmation

• Confirmation is feeling known and validated as an

individual.
 Recognition- that another person exists
 Acknowledgment- of what another person feels, thinks,
or says
 Endorsement- accepting another’s feelings or thoughts
Confirming and Disconfirming Messages
Recognition “You exist.”
“Hello.“
A touch or a smile (nonverbal)
Acknowledgment “You matter to me.“
“We have a relationship.”
“I'm sorry you're hurt.”
Nodding or eye contact (nonverbal)
Endorsement “What you think is true.”
“What you feel is okay.”
“I feel the same way.”
“You don't exist.”
[Silence]
“You don't matter.”
“We are not a team.”
“You'll get over it.”
Not responding to emails/memos
“You are wrong.”
“You shouldn’t feel what you do.”
“Your feeling doesn't make
sense.”
 Confirming and Disconfirming
Communication (1 of 8)
 With some people we feel disconfirmed and on
guard; We are unlikely to communicate openly with
them
 With some people we feel supported and confirmed;
We are likely to communicate freely with them
 Even in healthy relationships, there are some
defensive moments and some situations in which
we don’t feel comfortable
 In most satisfying relationships, the overall climate
is supportive and confirming
 Communication climates result largely from
communication that promotes feeling confirmed or
disconfirmed
 Confirming and Disconfirming
Communication (2 of 8)
 Evaluation vs. Description- (judgment vs.
describing)
 Evaluation evokes defensiveness so we are
less likely to disclose; even positive evaluations
because the relationship-level meaning
indicates the other feels entitled to judge us
 Descriptive communication describes
behaviors without passing judgment (uses “I”
language)
 Confirming and Disconfirming
Communication (3 of 8)
 Certainty vs. Provisionalism- (one absolute
correct position vs. openness to other
points of view)
 Certainty includes comments that reflect an
unwillingness to consider other points of view
 Ethnocentrism- the assumption that our
culture and its norms are the only right ones
 Provisionalism signals that we are willing to
consider what others have to say, encouraging
their ideas
 Confirming and Disconfirming
Communication (4 of 8)
 Strategy vs. Spontaneity- (devious vs.
authentic)
 Strategy communication feels like a
setup, manipulation
 Spontaneous communication feels open,
honest, and unpremeditated
 Confirming and Disconfirming
Communication (5 of 8)
 Control vs. Problem Orientation-
(disrespectful vs. supportive)
 Controlling communication attempts to
manipulate by imposing their view on others;
relationship-level meaning is that they have
greater power, rights, or intelligence than
others
 Problem orientation tends to cultivate
supportive climates, focusing on finding a
solution acceptable to all parties
 Confirming and Disconfirming
Communication (6 of 8)
 Neutrality vs. Empathy- (detached vs.
concern)
 People get defensive when others respond in
neutral or detached manner; interpreted as a
lack of regard and caring for others
 Empathic communication confirms the worth of
others; doesn’t necessarily equal agreement,
but respect for their perspectives
 Confirming and Disconfirming
Communication (7 of 8)
 Superiority vs. Equality- most pertinent
to the relationship level of meaning
 Superiority is communicating that they are
better than us; we protect our self-esteem
by closing up
 Communication conveying equality fosters
a confirming climate; we feel more relaxed
and comfortable
 Confirming and Disconfirming
Communication (8 of 8)

DISCONFIRMING COMMUNICATION CONFIRMING COMMUNICATION

Evaluation Description
Certainty Provisionalism
Strategy Spontaneity
Control Problem orientation
Neutrality Empathy
Superiority Equality
Social Media and Communication Climate
 Climate matters in social media; more confirming
communication on sites that seem inviting
 Questionable security of disclosures on social media
 Uncertainty about whether your recipient has
received a message you sent (are they ignoring you
or have they received your message?)
 Reduced ability to interpret messages (limited
access to nonverbal cues)
 Guidelines for Creating and Sustaining
Healthy Climates (1 of 2)
• Actively use communication to build confirming
climates.
• Accept and confirm others
• Affirm and assert yourself (the principle of
confirming people’s worth applies to the self also):

Aggression Assertion Deference

We're going to spend time
together.
Tell me what you're feeling;
I insist.
I don't care what you want;
I'm not going to a movie.
I'd like for us to spend more
time together.
I would like to understand more
about how you feel.
I'm really not up for a movie
tonight.
It's okay with me if we don't spend
time with each other.
If you don't want to talk about how
you feel, okay.
It's fine with me to go to a movie if
you want to.
 Guidelines for Creating and Sustaining
Healthy Climates (2 of 2)
• Respect diversity in relationships (cultural differences).
• Respond constructively to criticism.
– Seek more information (ask questions)
– Consider the validity of the criticism (is there truth in it?)
– If it is valid, consider what you want to change
– Thank the person who offered constructive criticism (it
gives us insight into how others feel about us and what
we do)