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Hairspray Music: Marc Shaiman Lyrics: Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman Book: Thomas M eehan, Mark O'Donnell Premiere

: Thursday, August 15, 2002 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ACT I PROLOGUE: BALTIMO RE, JUNE 1962 1. GOOD MORNING BALTIMORE TRACY Oh, oh, oh Acordei hoje Sentindo-se do jeito que eu sempre faço Oh, oh, oh Com fom e de algo Que eu não posso comer Então eu escuto aquela batida O ritmo da cidade Com eça a me chamar É como uma mensagem de Bem acima Oh, oh, oh Puxando-me para fora Par a os sorrisos e as Ruas que eu amo TRACY (& ENSEMBLE) Bom dia Baltimore Cada dia é como uma porta aberta Toda noite é uma fantasia Cada som é como uma sinfonia Bom di a Baltimore E algum dia quando eu tomar o chão acordar O mundo vai para cima e ver Baltimore e eu Oh, oh, oh Olha o meu cabelo O "fazer" pode comparar comigo hoje ? Oh, oh, oh, Eu tenho o meu laquê e rádio Estou pronto para ir Os ratos na rua Toda s as danças em volta dos meus pés Eles parecem dizer "Tracy, isso depende de você"

Então, oh, oh Não me segurar Porque hoje todos os meus sonhos vão se realizar Bom dia Baltimore Há o pisca-pisca que mora ao lado Há o vagabundo em seu banquinho de bar E les me desejem sorte no meu caminho para a escola Bom dia Baltimore E algum dia quando eu tomar o chão acordar O mundo vai para cima e ver Baltimore e eu Eu sei q ue cada passo Eu sei todas as músicas Eu sei que há um lugar onde eu pertenço Eu vejo todas aquelas luzes brilhando à frente do partido Então, alguém me convidar Antes de e u cair morto! ENSEMBLE Antes que ela cai morto! TRACY (& ENSEMBLE) Então, oh, oh M e dê uma chance Porque quando eu começo a dançar, eu sou uma estrela de cinema Oh, oh, oh Algo dentro de mim que me faz mover Quando ouço o sulco Minha mãe me diz que não M as meus pés me ir! É como uma bateria dentro do meu coração Oh, oh, oh Não me faça esperar Só mais um momento de minha vida para começar ... ENSEMBLE Bom dia, bom dia Esperando a minha vida para iniciar TRACY (& ENSEMBLE) Eu te amo Baltimore Cada dia é como uma porta aberta Toda noite é uma fantasia Cada som é como uma sinfonia

E eu prometo Baltimore Que algum dia, quando Eu vou para o chão acordar O mundo va i para cima e ver Vamos acordar e ver Baltimore e eu ... ENSEMBLE Sim, mais ou m enos We All Agree TRACY Baltimore e eu ... ENSEMBLE Algum dia o mundo Vai ver TR ACY Baltimore e eu! SCENE 1: TV STATION / TRACYґS 2. THE NICEST KIDS IN TOWN CORNY Hey there, Teenage Baltimore! Don't change that channel! 'Cause it's time for the Corny Collins Sho w! Brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray! CORNY (& COUNCIL MEMBERS) Ev'ry aft ernoon When the clock strikes four (bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba) A crazy bun ch of kids Crash through that door (bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba) They throw off their coats And leave the squares behind And then they shake it, shake it, s hake it Like they're losing their mind You'll never see them frown 'Cause they'r e the nicest kids in town Every afternoon You turn your T.V. on (na, na, na, na, na, na-na-na-na) And we know you turn the sound up When your parents are gone, yeah

(na, na, na, na, na, na-na-na-na) And then you twist and shout For your favorite star And once you've practiced every step That's in your repertoire You better come on down And meet the nicest kids in town (Running from school to Tracyґs hous e) TRACY Hurry Penny, hurry, the showґs already started! Weґre gonna miss it! PENNY Iґm hurrying, Tracy, but my mother says Iґm not allowed to perspire! TRACY Cґmon! (Bac k at Tracyґs house. Edna and Prudy are talking.) PRUDY Edna, is my laundry ready? EDNA Who wants to know? Sure is hon. Come on up. That will be three dollars. PRU DY Thatґs pretty pricely for a few pairs of pettipants. EDNA Iґm sorry, Prudy Pingle ton, but there were some extra charges. Some of your personal stains required po unding on a rock. (Tracy and Penny enter). TRACY Iґm home! EDNA Four oґclock. Guess I donґt need to ask who got detention again. Tracy Turnblad, mind your manners and say hello to our guest. TRACY Hello, Mrs. Pingleton. EDNA And you, Penny? PENNY Hello Mrs. Pingleton... I mean... mother. EDNA

it ainґt colored. ba-ba-ba-ba. just keep away from the knives this time. bee-ba) Who needs to read and write When you can dance and sing? (bop-bee-ba. It ainґt right dancing to that colored music. PRUDY Yeah ye ah.. PENNY Yes mother. bee-ba) Forget about your algebra And calculus You can always do your homework On the morning bus Can't tell a verb from a noun They're the nicest kids in town Roll Call!! COUNCIL MEMBERS I'm Amber! Brad! Ta mmy! Fender! .. PRUDY Delinquents. CORNY Nice white kids Who like to lead the way And once a month We have ou r "negro day!" And i'm the man who keeps it spinnin' round Mr. greatest Baltimore sound!! So every afternoon Drop everything (bop -bee-ba.. EDNA Donґt be silly. PENNY Yes Mom... you keep away from any kind of race expresion. come back before I kill your grandmother. ba-ba-ba-ba. (Prudy exits shaking her head in disapproval)... Corny Collins Wit h the latest.. and remember. PRUDY Penny Ping leton. the TVґs black and white.Teenagers... They just love watching that Corny Collins. yesterday it was almost too lat e.

. Amber. mony-mony) Who cares about sleep When you can snooz e in School? They'll never get to college But they sure look cool Don't need a c ap and a gown 'Cause they're the nicest Kids in town They're the nicest..Q. stop hogging the camera. nicest They're the sugar 'n' spicest.. hog the camera. Lou Ann! And I'm. mony-mony) And the bass and drums Are pounding i n your head (mony-mony.. the “stricken chicken”. CORNY (& COUNCIL MEMBERS) So. Fender. ooh. And Link. Weґll be right back. Kids in town! CORNY And that was our new dance of the week.. if every night you're shaking As you lie in bed (mony-mony. (Lights shift in the TV studio).LINK! (All of the girls scream . And Tammy that thing is horrible. The nicest kids in. VELMA And weґre off! All right .) TRACY Oh Link! Kiss me again and again! EDNA Turn that racket down.. mother. You too. (The kids sadly turn away to remove their padding). Nicest They're the nicest.Brenda! Sketchy! Shelley! I. while on camera. lose it.. people. ooh. how many times do I have to tell you? We do not pick our noses. yo uґre not Elvis yet. Iґm trying to iron in here. AMBER Yes.

three.... maybe we should make it official. PENNY Plastic little spastic.. Iґve got something for you. and sponsoring the event will be none other than our Ultra Clut ch Hairspray. Spritzer. Mr Collins! None of that Detroit sound today. isnґt she a lovely slim girl.. Mr. TRACY I guess Ambe rґs pretty but she canґt dance. Link. SPRITZER Ultra clutch is happy to bring you fine youngsters to national attention. Corny. How sweet. ah . . steadily. Your Co uncil Member ring. ALL Our big break! CORNY Also live on the spe cial. AMBER Oh. Weґll be live at Baltimoreґs brand new Ev entorium broadcasting nationwide! Talent scouts will arrive from all of the majo r record labels. letґs give a great big fawning Baltimore salute to the President of Ultra Clutch. guys and Gidgets. VELMA Theyґre kids. You have something against good music? CORNY The kids are just over the moon for rhythm and blues. So. I figured. (Offers his ring). I mean. since weґve been going together sort of. And it matches my hair color exactly! VELMA Ah.. you know what I mean.. four.. our very first prime t ime spectacular is coming up on June 6th . CORNY Now donґt forget. They canґt get enough.VELMA And you.. weґll be crowning your choice for Miss Teenage Hairspary 1962! AMBER My big break! (Back at Tracy’s) EDNA Well. LINK Amber.. Thatґs why we have to steer t hem in the white direction. ah! None of that! Save your personal lives for the camera! And weґre back in fiv e. Velma.

TRACY Oh no! Iґm gonna kill myself. Look! Sheґs wearing Linkґs council ring! AMBER (Re ading from a cue card) Hey, gang, donґt forget to watch Mom and me next Thursday o n Mother-Daughter Day. And I want to be your Miss Teenage Hairspray. Remember, a vote for me from you is a vote for me. CORNY What an unexpected ad lib., Amber. And speaking of expecting the unexpected, our own fun loving, freewheeling Bren da will be taking a leave of absence from the show. How long will you be gone Br enda? BRENDA Nine months. CORNY So, it seems weґll have an opening for a girl who is just as fun loving, but maybe not quite as freewheeling. Wanna be one of the nicest kids in town? Cut school tomorrow and come on down to station WZZT to aud ition! TRACY Ohmigod! Itґs the drean of a lifetime. I have to go audition. PENNY O hmigod! Itґs the dream of a lifetime. I have to go watch you audition. EDNA (turni ng off the TV) Thatґll be enough of that for one day. No one is auditioning for an ything. Thereґll be no cutting school in this house. PENNY But Mrs. Turnblad... ED NA Penny, go tell your mother she wants you. PENNY She does? I better hurry. Bye Mrs. Turnblad, bye Tracy. (Penny bumps Wilbur as he enters). WILBUR Whoa! Rush hour traffic! Hiya ladies. Since I got that new shipment of exploding bubble gum , business downstairs is booming! How are my two funny honeys? EDNA Oh, stop Wil bur. Youґre the funny one. TRACY Daddy, tomorrow Iґm auditioning to dance on a TV sh ow. EDNA

Youґre going to have to go further than that to get around me, young lady. No oneґs auditioning for anything. And what did I tell you about that hair? All ratted up like a teenaged Jezebel. TRACY Mother, you are so fifties. Even our first lady, Jackie B. Kennedy rats her hair. EDNA Yeah? Well, you ainґt no first lady, are ya ? Sheґs a hair hopper, thatґs what got her put in detention again. (Taking Wilbur as ide). Wilbur, talk to her- Girls like Tracy... people like us... you know what Iґm saying. They donґt put people like us on TV, except to be laughed at. WILBUR Trac y, this TV thing... you really want it? TRACY Itґs my dream, Daddy. WILBUR Then yo u go for it! This is America, babe. You gotta think big to be big. EDNA Being bi g is not the problem Wilbur. WILBUR When I was oyur age my parents begged me to run away with the circus, but I said, “No, thatґs what you want. I have dreams of my own”. I dreamt of opening a chain of joke shops worldwide. So, okay, Iґve still got only one, but someday, if I can figure out how to keep the air from leaking out of my sofa sized Whoopee Cushion, Iґm going to make a noise heard round the world ! (Edna screams with delight) You follow your dream, baby. Iґm grabinґan orange crus h and heading back to the shop... I got my dream and I wuv it! EDNA Youґre not hel ping Wilbur! TRACY Thanks Daddy. EDNA Tracy, come back up here. Iґve got hampers o f laundry ans my diet pill is wearing off. TRACY But Mamma I want to be famous. EDNA You want to be famous? Learn how to get blood out of a car upholstery. Now thatґs a skill you could take right to the bank. You think I wanted to spend my li fe washing and ironing other peopleґs clothing? No, I wanted to design them. I tho ught I would be the biggest thing in brassieres. Well, you deal with what life g ives you. Now start folding. TRACY Ugh.

SCENE 2: PENNYґS / TRACYґS / AMBERґS (At Penny and Prudyґs House). PENNY But Mom, all I was doing was watching Corny Collins over at Tracyґs. PRUDY Didnґt I forbid you from listening to race music? Oh, if the police ever locate your father heґll punish y ou good. (At Amber and Velmaґs House). VELMA Your dancing was atrocious yoday, Amb er. Iґm willing to lie, cheat, and steal to win you that Miss Hairspray crown, but youґve got to work with me. Now let me at that zit! (At Tracyґs House). EDNA Stop! Thatґs no way to treat clean clothes. One day youґll own “Ednaґs Ocidental Laundry” Will y ou be ready? TRACY I hope not. 3. MAMA, I'M A BIG GIRL NOW PRUDY Don't contradic t me! VELMA Don't disobey me! EDNA Don't even think about going to that audition . TRACY, PENNY & AMBER Please! MOMS No! 3 GIRLS Mother!!!! MOMS Stop!

PENNY Stop telling me what to do MOMS Don't! AMBER Don't treat me like a child o f two MOMS No! TRACY I know that you want what's best MOMS Please! TRACY But mot her, please, GIRLS Give it a rest!!! ALL Stop! Don't! No! Please! Stop! Don't! N o! Please! Stop! Don't! No! Please! Mama. I'm a big girl now! TRACY Once upon a time when I was just a kid You never let me do iust what the older kids did But lose that laundry list of what you won't allow GIRLS 'Cause mama, i'm a big girl now AMBER Once upon a time I used to play with toys But now i'd rather play aro und with teenage boys So, if I get a hickey, please don't have a cow GIRLS 'Caus e mama, i'm a big girl now PENNY Ma, I gotta tell you that without a doubt I get my best dancing lessons from you You're the one who taught me how to "twist and shout" Because you shout non-stop And you're so twisted too! Wo -oh -oh -oh -oh

oh . arrivederci! TRACY Toodle-loo! AMBE R And ciao! GIRLS 'Cause mama. I wanna take my bow GIRLS 'Cause mama. i'm a big girl now ALL Stop! Don't! No! Please! S top! Don't! No! Please! Stop! Don't! No! Please! GIRLS Mama. i've been in the nest for far too long So please give a p ush and mama watch me fly AMBER Watch me fly . i'm a big girl now (hey mama.oh . i'm a big girl now AMBER Wo . i'm a big girl now GIRLS Ma. you always taught me What was right from wrong And now I iust wan na give it a try Mama. say mama) TRACY Once upon a time I was a shy young thing Could barely walk and talk so much as dance and sing But let me hit that stage.TRACY Once I used to fidget 'Cause I just sat home AMBER But now i'm just like g idget And I gotta get to rome! PENNY So say.oh . I like bigger men And I don't need a barbie doll to show me how GIRLS 'Cause mama.oh Once upon a time I used to dress up 'ken' But now that i'm a woman.

i'm a big girl now AMBER Hey . i'm a big girl AMBER Ooh.Oh .Hey GIRLS Mama. how this town has gone downhill since I was crowned Mi ss Baltimore Crabs.Hey . Von Tussle. . such a big. VELMA Really? Thatґs all? Who would ґve guessed that Baltimore girls were all so horrible? My. i'm a big girl now!!! SCENE 3: THE AUDITION LOU ANN Thatґs it Mrs. say mama PENNY Someday I will meet a man You won't condemn AMBE R And we will have some kids And you can torture them TRACY But let me be a star Before I take that vow GIRLS 'Cause mama.Oh GIRLS Mama. mama. i'm a big girl now PENNY Oh . She was the l ast candidate.GIRLS Hey. big girl! GIRLS I'm a big girl now ALL Stop! Don't! No! Please! Stop! Don't! No! Please! Stop! Don't! N01 please! GIRLS Mama.

don'tcha hear them chime? PENNY I don't hear anythi ng. Touched me He looked at me and stared. running. TRACY Can't 'cha feel my heartbeat keeping perfect time? And all because he. . I donґt know how Rock Hudson stands it. those girls were all over me. TAMMY Oh wait Mrs. Von Tussle. (Everyone freezes except Trac y and Penny). Just too much PENNY Tracy! Look. TRACY Phew! I thought weґd never get here. yes he Bumped me My heart was unprepar ed when he Tapped me And knocked me off my feet One little touch Now my life's c omplete 'cause when he . So nea r. I CAN HEAR THE BELLS TRACY I can hear the bells PENNY Tracy. This isnґt it.(Tracy & Penny enter. and yet so gorgeous. out of breath). itґs Link! TRACY Link Larkin. TRACY Hi there. Exc use me.. I hipe I didnґt mess your ‘do. ar e you all right? TRACY Well. 4. Am I too late to audition? VELMA Not too late. (He walks right into Tracy). it seems we have another downhill girl to audition. dear. little darling. Stupid bus crash! PENNY All my life I imagined what this place would look like. LINK (heґs talking to Fender) I know.

much to your surprise This heavy weight champion Takes the prize and.. yes my Heart burst Now I know what life's about One little touch And love's knocked me out and. but won't late beca use Round three's When we kiss inside his car Won't go all the way But i'll go p retty far! And then. yes it Hit me Just like a ton of bricks. I can hear the bells My ears are ringing I can hear the bells The bridesmaids are singing ..Nudged me Love put me in a fix. just wait and see 'cause I can hear the bells Just hear th em chiming I can hear the bells My temp'rature's climbing I cant contain my joy 'Cause I fin'ly found the boy I've been missin' Listen! I can hear the bells Rou nd one He'll ask me on a date and then Round two I'll primp. TRACY (& ENSEMBLE) I can hear the bells My head is spinning I can hear the bells Something's beginning Everybody says That a girl who looks like me Can 't win his love Well. Round four He'll ask me for my hand and then Round five We' ll book the wedding band so by Round six Amber.

I can hear the bells Today's just the start 'cause I can hear the bells And 'til deat h do us part And even when we die We'll look down from up above Remembering the night That we two fell in love We both will share a tear And he'll whisper as we 're reminiscin' Listen! I can hear the bells ENSEMBLE She can hear the bells TRA CY I can hear the bells ENSEMBLE She can hear the bells TRACY I can hear the bel ls ENSEMBLE .Everybody says Thet a guy who's such a gem Won't look my way Well. the laugh's o n them 'cause I can hear the bells My father will smile I can hear the bells As he walks me down the aisle My mother starts to cry But I can't see 'cause Link a nd I Are french kissin' Listen! I can hear the bells I can hear the bells My hea d is reeling I can hear the bells I can't stop the pealing Everybody warns That he won't like what he'll see But I know that he'll look Inside of me yeah.

SHELLEY Yes. maybe you oughta go back to sleep! Childhood dreams For me were cracked When that damn shirley temple Stole my frickin' act But the crown's in the vault From when I won "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Those poor runner-u ps Might still hold some grudges They padded their 'cups' But I screwed the judg es . And. bong..) VELMA Oh my god How times ha ve changed This girl's either blind Or completely deranged Ah. I'll show you my stuff! LOU ANN Haven't you al ready shown us enough? {The Council Girls snicker. Iґve seen you.. bong. can I start over. Isnґt that too cool? Iґm a little nervous. I go to Patterson Park High. AMBER Who could miss her? Arenґt you usually in detention about now? TRACY I cut school to come down here. but time seemed t o halt When I was "Miss Baltimore Crabs" TRACY Itґs been my childhood dream to dan ce on this show! AMBER Well. (THE LEGEND OF) MISS BALTIMORE CRABS TRACY Well.Bong. bong! AMBER And what are you doing here? TRACY I came to audit ion for Corny. like you. I brought my own '45s. I assure youґll calm down.' so if you put 'em on. right after I have a heart attack! 5. My name is Tracy Turnblad.

.. I have twenty!! VELMA I would say 'oy geva lt' If I wasn't "Miss Baltimore Crabs"! A tycoon I wed So cuddly and funny The o ld fart dropped dead But left tons of money So I bought this station VELMA & COU NCIL GIRLS So all of the nation Could see VELMA Baby amber and me! . no desserts for "Miss Baltimore Crabs " SHELLEY How many sweaters do you own? TRACY Well. I'm sure I've got plenty Let 's see. Wait.Cinemascope! VELMA I never drank one chocolate malt No.five?. I'm sure I can cope! AMBER Well...... COUNCIL GIRLS .Those broads thought they'd win If a plate they would spin in their dance Not a chance! Cause I hit the stage Batons ablaze While belting high 'c's And preparin g souffles! But that triple somersault Was how I clinched "Miss Baltimore Crabs" ! VELMA Proceed. TAMMY Are you scared we're on live? TRACY No.. this show isn't broadcast in... I have three.

so short and stout You'll never be "in" VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS So we're kic king you out! VELMA You can't get past me kid But it isn't your fault VELMA & CO UNCIL MEMBERS It's hard to get rid of "Miss Baltimore.Crabs!" You ma y go... may I please audition? VELMA .) TRACY I sure would. TRACY Um. it's The New Frontier! VELMA Not in Baltimore i t isn't! And may I be frank? First impressions can be tough And when I saw you.. I'm all for integration.AMBER Do you dance like you dress? LINK Amber. my dear. LORRAINE Hello Ma'am... thank you? PENNY Gee Tracy. there's no need to be cruel! VELM A Would you swim in an integrated pool? (The Council Members gasp.. I knew it If your size weren't enough Your last answer just blew it! And so. VELMA . that went well! (Lorraine comes in ).

.. Can I do that? SEAWEED I donґt know... once again your monumental hair do h as seriously obstructed everyoneґs view of the blackboard. but you can bow and exalt! 'Cause I was "Miss Baltimore.Crabs"! Crabs. VELMA & THE COUNC IL MEMBERS . SEAWEED The man c an dine me on a diet of detention so long as he donґt starve me of my tunes.. TRACY Thatґs unbelievab le. You get detention just about every time I do. and Iґve ne ver seen you complain. Crabs!!! SCENE 4: DETENTION TRACY Why do they have to be so mean? Will they give me a chance? Encouragement? Appreciation? No.. STOOIE Hey! Not bad for a white girl. As Principal of Patters on Park High. my name is Tracy Turnblad.. my name is Seaweed. that moveґs swift. SEAWEED .. can you? TRACY Hello. all I ever hear is.. TRACY Hey. I condemn you to three more days of detention! TRACY Detention! Is there no pity for a teen just trying to fit in? SEAWEED Maybe you shouldnґt try s o hard? TRACY Excuse me..No. Hereґs a little something that says: Hello. PRINCIPAL Tracy Turnblad. SEAWEED Itґs how I use my blues. DUANE Use them blues honey ! You gotta use them to lose them.

laughing and d ancing in detention? Tracy Turnblad! Iґm putting you in Special Ed. the DJ? That makes you li ke... I use it to attract the oppos ite sex. his mom hosts the show! TRACY Your Mom is Motormouth Maybelle. royalty! Negro day is the best! I wish every day was negro day. SEAWEED At our house it is. TRACY Oh! Whatґs that step? SEAWEED Oh this? I call it “the hottie”.. TRACY Special Ed? What do you do in special Ed? STOOIE Musicals! ALL Wah-hoo!!! .. maybe if he saw me dancing like this with you heґd put me on his show. detention is a rainbow experience.. SEAWEED Cool! LORRAINE Thatґcould work. TRACY Wait! Corny Collins is hosting an important Dance tomorr ow night..... Good girl! You almost have it! TRACY Oh my God! Iґve just realized who you are.... LORRAINE Of course you have. STOOIE & DUANE Yeaah! You can do it gir l! SEAWEED So how do you feel about detention now? TRACY Iґm a bad. Iґve seen you dance on Negro Day...Ainґt no black and white here. bad girl who n eeds to be punished! (They all begin to dance) PRINCIPAL Smiling.

take it to the basket! Hit it! Amber..SCENE 5: THE MADISON DANCE CORNY Hey there you young dancers! Iґm honored to be yo ur guest DJ here at PHP . who is your friend. ..... sheґs like a breath of fresh mountain air! AMBER You got the mountain p art right! CORNY Now when I say hit it... you gotta dance with your crowd ans I gotta dance with mi ne.. I tґs the hottest dance arround and it was born right here in Baltimore! Whatґs it cal led kids! STUDENTS The Madison Dance! CORNY And where did you see it first? STUD ENTS The Corny Collins Show! CORNY Itґs Madison time! Go! (The music starts.. Hit it! LORRAINE Why do we always have to dance at the back? SEAWEED I donґt know. TRACY O look! Itґs the Madison. heґs in the back seat. itґs just the way i t is.. letґs take a drive doen Druid Hill. letґs do do some dancing. feed the monkey. my favourite! SEAWEED You keep your eye on Cor ny.. This could be your big chance! TRACY Then youґd better keep an eye on me.. They all start dancing) TRACY Hurry Seaweed! The dance has already started! SEAWEED A ll right but remember. CORN Y Now when I say hit it! Show me a big bad Baltimore box. Hit it!! Hang a right. CORNY When I say hit it... So with no further ado-do.

. AMBER Everybody stop liking her! CORNY All right everYbody. LINK That girlґs as fre e as the wind. havenґt we met somewhere? TRACY Link Larkin actually sp oke to me..LINK Hey little darling.... Tracy is dancin g near Corny) TRACY Hi Corny! CORNY Hey Cupcake! Whatґs your name? TRACY (as she d oes the “my name is” dance) Iґm Tracy Turnblad. So let the Party begin! (At Tracyґs Home) . I use it to attract the opposite sex. CORNY What else have you got hiding in those Buster Browns? TRACY Well. Iґll never wash this ear again! (They continue dancing. Baltimorians. SCENE 6: TRACY AT THE CORNY COLLINS SHOW / TRACYґS HOME CORNY Hey there teenage Ba ltimore! Youґre just in time for The Corny Collins Show! Todayґs jam-packed edition will include Limk Larkin singins a special request Top 40 hit: It takes Two. is how we do the Madison! Blackout. hereґs one I learnt in detention. itґs “the Hott ies” step. and everybody join in). SEAWEED Hey hey hey! Check her ou t everybody! (Tracy does the step. letґs t ake it home! Crazy! And that..

come! 6. T his is something else.PENNY Hurry Miz Turnblad! Hurry.) CORNY So. again. Tracy! (All of the girls scream. nicest They're the sugar 'n' spicest. Last week she was claming there was an alien in her back yard. Lo u Ann! And I'm.. Mr.. EDNA & PENNY Go Tracy! Go. WILBUR Penny Pingleton. ..Q. go Tracy! And t he bass and drums Are pounding in your head Who cares about sleep When you can s nooze in School? They'll never get to college But they sure look cool Don't need a cap and a gown 'Cause they're the nicest Kids in town They're the nicest. this better be important. if every night you 're shaking As you lie in bed WILBUR. PENNY It is! EDNA Oh no! Donґt tell me your mother is on 8 oґclock news. NICEST KIDS IN TOWN (reprise) ALL Roll Call!! COUNCIL MEMBERS I'm Amber! Brad! Tammy! Fender! Brenda! Sketch! Shelley! I. Turnblad! Come see whatґs on TV... Nic est They're the nicest.. PENNY Oh no! I already put my grandmother inside the house.

CORNY And if you were president.. Miss Tracy Turn blad.. I watch your show. (The pho ne rings and she answers it).... she follows him). introduced to you by our brand new Council Member. what do you say kid! Looks like we migh t just have a hot new candidate for Miss . PENNY And sheґs going to be a regular. and I do absolutely nothin g else. yes. CORNY . what would your first official act be? TRACY Well. EDNA Oh! My word! Tracy! Live in our own living room! WILBUR I think Iґve se en her before.. CORNY So letґs wave a wistful bye bye to Brenda. EDNA Imagine.. Iґd make everyday Negro Day! VELMA & SPRITZER Whaaaaaat! (He runs off in terror... my little girl . this is her childhood home. see you nex t year... I go to Patterson Park High... and inaugurate the newest member of our council Tracy Turnblad! Cozy up to old Corny and tell is about yourself Trrrrace! TRACY Well. regular at last! PENNY Hi Tracy! Itґs me Penny! EDNA She canґt hear you.. n o Iґm not her father. Kids in town! CORNY Yeah! And that was our dance of the we ek: “The hottie”. ALL Awwwww. EDNA Hello. CORNY So..The nicest kids in.

that cannot be denied But what good's a man's world Without a woman by your side And so I will wait Until that moment you decide LI NK & CHOIR That i'm your man And you're my girl That i'm the sea And you're the pearl It takes two.Teenage Hairspray! AMBER No.. ???. will now sing to the equaly blooming Tracy Turnblad his version of this weekґs top 40 hit. AMBER Mother! 7.. so Tracy. how would you like Link Larkin to sing s song just for you? AMBE R No! He canґt because everyone knows that whenever he sings. and afters always win! CORNY Amber. ???.???. ???. baby.. ???. see? CORNY Right. heґs singing to ME. ??? It takes two ???. IT TAKES TWO CHOIR ???. she canґt be MissHairspray! Sheґs the “before” in the Metre cal diet ad. ???. ??? Doo doo. and Iґm the “after”.. “It takes two”. Tracy. ???. wop! LINK They say it's a man's world Well. what a comed ian! So. ??? ??? .???. Heґs completely involved with ME. ???. tell us how would yo u like Link Larkin to sing s song just for you? TRACY Would I? Would I? AMBER Yo u people are ignoring the laws of nature! CORNY Link Larkin. our own Elvis. It takes two ...

LINK & GUYS I'm your king And you're my queen That no one else Can come between It takes two. Oh and whisper in my ea r TRACY (in anything but a whisper) Yeah! LINK TRACY That you're my girl I'm you r girl And i'm your boy You're my boy That you're my pride You're my pride And i 'm your joy I'm your joy That i'm the sand I'm the sand And you're the tide You' re the tide I'll be the groom Be the groom If you'll be my bride I'll be your br ide It takes two. Without a chick to call his own So please. baby. darling.Doo doo . Nick Romeo had juliet And liz. It takes two It takes two It takes two LINK . Claus has old st. baby. she has her dick They say it takes two to tango Well. It takes two CHOIR D on't you know LINK Lancelot had guinevere Mrs. Babe. well. choo se me I don't wanna rule alone Tell me. To say the things 1 long to hear So come closer baby.wop! LINK A king ain't a king Without the pow'r behind the throne A pr ince is a pauper. that tango's child's play So take me to the dance floor And we'll twist the night aw ay Just like frankie avalon Had his favorite mouseketeer I dream of a lover. bab e.

. VELMA So youґve got ideas. VELMA This showґs fine the way it is.oo . VELMA Why not? They do it all the time on Lassie! CORNY MR.It takes two. Controversy is no t what Ultra Clutch wishes to promote.???! SPRITZER N egro Day everyday? Thay chubby communist girl. how do you plan to handle this? VELMA I plan to start by firing him! CORNY You canґt fire Corny Collins from the Corny Colins Show..Two .. CORNY Negroes and chubby girls buy hairsp ray too. CORNY Maybe itґs time to change that. SPRITZER Iґm getting one of my sick headaches. (He leaves). too. I need to lie down.. Mr. S pritzer. VELMA Not while Iґm producing it. I assure you. To keep the audience you got to keep up with the times. baby TRACY & LINK It takes two CHOIR . Von Tussle. do you? And going behind my back to put this no-talent fattie on the show is one of them? CORNY Damn rig ht Velma. Spritzer. Iґve got terri fic ideas for updating the show. SPRITZER Mrs. CORNY Bringing Tracy on is just the beggining. Itґs time we put kids on the show who look like kids who watch the show. VELMA Are you threatening me Collins? .

Thank you so much!.. Pinky? As in Mr. We’ll be right over. I'm taking my new agent to Mr. You can learn a lot from the mistakes of the women on soap-operas. Blackout. a beloved TV icon. Yes! And she loves you too. How about a n ice bail bondsman? TRACY Mother. Hello Mr. This is crazy.. Pinky’s Shop.. (Phone rings). But you and I are going to have a talk about boys. Mr. .. EDNA I know . TRACY So you are not mad? EDNA Mad? How could I be mad? You’re famous! If you’d only told me you was going to get on the show.. the fru it of my womb. I could always take the show to channel 11. Goodbye! (The phone rings again). but I'm afraid all business must go th rough my agent. EDNA Mr. this is Tracy Turnblad.. Pinky. Very much. Pinky? THE Mr. i fame all you thought it w ould be? Are you happy honey? TRACY Yes Mama. It was on televi sion. I had to. put that thing down. To think. What are you wearing? Hello? Hello? TRACY (bursting in ex itedly) Mama did you see? Did you see me? EDNA Of course I did.CORNY Aw! You know me Velma! On the other hand. EDNA An agent! I don’t know any agents. Goodby e! (She hangs up the phone). I’ve been following. SCENE 7: TRACYґS HOME . But sit. Hello? What am I wearing? A housecoat. There it goes again. and I think I’m in love. I’m sure Tracy appreciates your vote for Miss Tee nage Hairspray.CITY EDNA (tired from hours on the p hone) Yes. and then out on the town. I n ever would have said you couldn’t. tell me. Whoever you are. Pinky’s Quality Clothes for Quantity Girls? T RACY You want to hire me as your exclusive spokesgirl and fashion effigy? (to Ed na) What’s an effigy? That’s very flattering.. Pinky.. TRACY Hello? Yes. scuffies and Supphose. The phone’s been ringing like he was a telethon. it would be our pleasure.

go! DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE Welcome to the 60's Oh.. yeah... o h. oh. But can’t we do it over the phone? I haven’t been out of this appa rtment since. oh.. Ta ke a chance EDNA Oh Tracy. hey mama. it's been years Since someone asked me to dance . Take my hand E DNA First let's make a pit stop At the wiener stand TRACY Hey mama. oh. oh Go mama. welcome to the 60's Oh. yeah. oh. 1 know that the world's spinning fast now You gotta get yourself a brand new start TRACY. if that’s what you want. and together we can claw you r way to the top. Ho n. go of the past now Say hello to the love in your heart Yes. Yeah. yeah. hey mama. go. oh.. oh.. oh. welcome to the 60's Oh. oh. Hey mama Yeah. oh. oh. Look around Everybody's groovin' to a brand new so und Hey mama hey mama. oh. DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE Hey mama. g o. fame has gone into your head and left you wacky. WELCOME TO THE 60'S TRACY Hey mama hey mama. oh. I’ll be right beside you. oh. I’ve neer been out of this appartment! 8. oh Oh mama.EDNA Who? Me Tracy Turnblad. since. oh. go. yeah TRACY Hey mama. oh. Follow me 1 know something's in you That you wanna set fr ee So let so. oh.

oh Go mama . oh. oh . oh. oh. welcome to the 60's Oh. oh. oh. oh. PINKY'S STAFF You should add some colo r and a fresh new "do" DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE 'Cause it's time for a star Who look s just like you! JUDINE Dontcha let nobody Try to steal your fun 'Cause a little touch of lipstick Never hurt no one KAMILAH The future's got a million roads Fo r you to choose But you'll walk a little taller In some high-heel shoes SHAYNA A nd once you find the style . go! DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE Welcome to the 60's Oh. I know that the world's Spinning fast now But you gotta run the race To win the prize TRACY. ENSEMBLE Hey mama. oh. go of the past now Say hello to the light in your eyes Yes. yeah. oh. oh Oh mama. go. yeah (Tracy & Edna arrive at Mr. welcome to the 60's Oh.TRACY So let go. H ey mama Yeah. yeah. oh. go. oh. DYNAMITES &. yeah. oh.) DYNAMITES We lcome to the rhythm of a brand new day TRACY Take your old-fashioned fears TRACY & DYNAMITES And just throw them away MR. oh. oh. Oh. Pinky's H efty Hideaway as new fans besiege Tracy for photos and autographs. oh. Yeah. so.

hey baby. oh. go! ENSEMBLE Welcome to the 60's O pen the door For the girl who has more. hey baby. mama. oh. oh. oh. welcome to the 60's Oh. Yeah (Edna emerges from Mr. oh Oh mama. Pinky's Shop all brand new. welcome to the 60's . Pinky's". DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE Mama. oh. oh. She's a star. oh Go.. oh. go. oh Oh your mama's welcoming the 60's Oh. Yeah. oh. oh. oh. Oh. go. oh. go! ALL Oh mama.) EDN A Hey Tracy.. that's your cue!!! E NSEMBLE Yeah. oh. go. Tracy. oh. oh. go. go. oh. Oh.) EDNA (& ENSEMBLE) I let go. oh. Go of th e past now Said hello to this red carpet ride Yes I know that the world's spinni ng fast now Tell lollabrigida to step aside! EDNA & ENSEMBLE Your mama's welcomi ng the 60's Oh.That makes you feel like you Something fresh Something new DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE Step on out Hear us shout TRACY. Look at us Where is there a team That's half as fabulous?! ( Tracy takes her turn in "Mr. Look at me! I'm the cutest chickie That ya ever did see H ey Tracy.

(Looks at Link). Brace yourselves for scatter dodge ball. GYM TEACHER Gather up. Amber.) ALL Welcome to the 60's Go mama go. oh . Oh. oh. Amber stares. oh Go mama. Tammy enters wearing a wig de signed to make her look like Tracy. oh. yet. go. to the "0" To the apostrophe "s"! ALL Hey mama welc ome to the 60's (JUDINE riffs.Patte rson High School Playground. go. Everyone whoґs anyone has one. oh. Oh Go mama. AMBER Kathy Schmink told me she heard Tracy was seen with that horrible boy from the Chess Club… SHELLEY I heard sheґs friends with another boy who is not on the Chess C lub . oh. oh. oh Oh. go! DYNAMITES Oh. Fender and their male pals warm up on the far side of stage.. go. Link. go. oh Oh. AMBER What is that supposed to be? TAMMY Isnґt it the dreamiest? Itґs called “The Tracy”. . go! Hey mama welcome to the 60's KAMILAH Welcome to the "6".. Oh. Lou Ann. Oh. TAMMY Is is true she is in Special Ed? (Trying to change the subject). oh. and Shelley enter. oh. oh. oh. oh.Oh. students.) ALL Hey mama welcome to the 60's (SHAYNA riffs. go!! SCENE 8: Dodgeball . Go. oh.

Sorry about your Special Ed-ness. if fate forces you to throw the ball at me today. AMBER Well. Amber. it w as just a cool way to end the song. ha! Special Ed! Ha. PENNY (blushing with pride) Not really… probably just average. (Tracy. TRACY What is scatter dodge ball anyway? SEAWEED Itґs sort of like a prote st rally. Tracy Turnblah is a tramp and she is retarded. SEAWEED Got a prayer for me too? This game can get pretty v icious. ha! TRACY (praying to herself when she sees Link) Oh Link. PENNY Hi. Tracy. well. SEAWEED Wait. well. T racy Tugboat… you finally found a tittle you could win: Miss Special Ed! . Seaweed. how could you kiss t hat oversized buffalo right on the… air? LINK That didnґt mean anything. Link Larkin. At the gum machine! PENNY (proudly) I do two packs a day.AMBER Yup. Iґve seen you before. and the Special Ed kids arr ive). GYM TEACHER Ha. seal it with a kiss. then you better scatt er and dodge. But think of it as a testament to the recordbreaking extremes your hair has reached. this is my friend Penny Lou Pingleton. Iґm so jealo us! Hello… TRACY Seaweed. here they come! Special Ed! Special geeks! Geeks! LINK That ai nґt cool Fender. FENDER Hey. Looks like a good idea until the police show up. Thatґs right… sheґs fast and slow at the same time! (she crosses to Link). SEAWE ED Hmm… All that chewing must make the muscles in your mouth mighty strong.

GYM TEACHER Students… Commence! (And with a shrill whistle the game begins. GYM TEACHER Th atґs right. Link? LINK Amber. Are you coming. AMBER Poor Tracy. Link? . thunder thighs. AMBER Hey. A whistle blows). LINK Everybody tak e it easy. Trampy Ton-o-lard! (S he snaps the ball right into Tracyґs head. So tragic. TRACY Amber Von Tussle. no fair throwing at the head. Tracy crumples to the ground. that wasnґt necessary. you have acne of the soul. Amber gets the ball and throws it at Tracy). go for his nuts! (The ball barely misses his head). are you coming. knocked o ut.LINK Knock it off Amber. I forgot to cry. This isnґt World War Three! (Amber gets the ball away form Link and tak es dead aim at Tracyґs head) AMBER Says you! Eat dodge ball. dodge this! TRACY You throw like a girl! SEAWEED Hey. GYM TEACHER Game over! (School bell rings) Class dismissed ! All right you stinky! If you take a shower before Christmas you get Extra cred it! (They leave). AMBER I said.

I like that. TRACY Oh. SEAWEED Band Aids! PENNY Heґs so nurturing . Tracy? Are you dead? SEAWEED I better go get the school nurse. LINK Youґve got a funny way of putting things. no one change the chann el. Tracy and Link are helping Tracy). le aving Tracy and Link alone). please. Link. LINK How you doinґ? SEAWEED How you d oinґ? .LINK In a minute. (She leaves. (A bell tone identifies “I Can Hear the Bells” as Link s ays those words). TRACY Where am I? Link? LINK You better? For a second there it looked like “Teen Angel” time. PENNY The nurse is out sick. this is my friend Seaweed. but look what Seaweed found. PENNY Uh. oh. AMBER Iґll be waiting under the bleachers. TRACY Wherever I am. Seaweed. LINK Tracy? Tracy. (They go off together. PENNY Iґll go with you. how you doinґ? Gee… you are beautifu l when you are unconscious.

PENNY (to Tracy) How are you doing? TRACY How do you think? I just got creamed i n front of the entire school. us? SEAWEED Donґt worry cracker boy. TRACY It fe els so hip! SEAWEED Glad you feel that way. Trace. Wanna come check it out? PENNY I. RUN AND TELL THAT I can't see Why people look at me And only see the color of m y face And then there's those That try to help. I know whatґll make you feel bet ter.. you know. SEAWEED Hey. itґs cool. 8. LINK Would it be safe up there for.. friends. My momґs hosting a party at our record shop on North Avenue. May I also come check it out? SEAWEED You surely may. PENNY Imagine being invited places by colored people. feel not good. . too. TRACY What do you think Link? LINK I think getting to know you is the beginning of a whole lot of adventure. god knows But have to always put me in my place Now I won't ask you to be color blind 'Cause if you pick the fru it Then girl. you're sure to find. ґCause not everybody does. TRACY Iґve never been to North Avenue before.

what's the u se The darker the chocolate The richer the taste That's where it's at Now run an d tell that!! ENSEMBLE Run and tell that! SCENE 9: MOTORMOUTHґS RECORD SHOP (The s cene shifts to Motormouth Maybelle's record shop dance party where her daughter Li'l Inez and her friends are already in full swing. you're Trac y Turnblad! You're my favorite dancer on the Corny Collins Show.. .. Let's be bold Vanilla can be nice But if the truth be told....The blacker the berry The sweeter the juice I could say it ain't so But darlin'. what's the use? The darker the chocolate The richer the taste And that's where it's at. The blacker t he berry The sweeter the juice I could say it ain't so But darlin'. . I could lie But b aby.) LI'L INEZ Hey..now run and tell that!! ENSEMBLE Run and tell that! SEAWEED Run an d tell that! ENSEMBLE Run and tell that! SEAWEED (& ENSEMBLE) I can't see Why pe ople disagree Each time I tell them what I know is true And if you come And see the world i'm from 1 bet your heart is gonna feel it too Yeah.

LI'L INEZ & ENSEMBLE I cant see The reason it cant b e The kinda world where we all get our chance The time is now And we can show th em how To turn the music up and let's all dance 'Cause all things are equal When it comes to love Well. you're the only one who did. LI 'L INEZ Well. that ain't quite true 'Cause when push comes to shove. The blacker the berry .. TRACY Sure. 'cause they kicked me out on my young . I saw you at the auditions. Li'l Inez.. SEAWEED Tell 'em about it! LI'L INEZ I'm tired of cov erin' up all my pride SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE So give me five on the black-hand side LI'L INEZ I've got a new way of movin' And I got my own voice SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE So how can I help But to shout and rejoice LI'L INEZ The people 'round here Can barely pay their rent They're "try'n to make dollar Out 'a fifteen cent" But we got a spirit Money just cant buy LI'L INEZ & ENSEMBLE It's deep as a river And soars to the sky!! SEAWEED.SEAWEED This is my sister. gifted and black behind.

thanks. MOTORMOUTH Whoop-dee-doo. Iґve seen you. Motormouth Maybelle! SEAWEED Mama. MOTORMOUTH Youґre welcome. and lied. yes. PENNY Iґm Penny Lou Pingleton and Iґm very pleased and scared to be here. Iґm Seaweedґs friend. But Iґm only there because of your son.. Tracy. All aglow on Cornyґs show. indeedy. sweetie. I brought some friends. TRACY Gee . What else would you expect from… ALL Ms. Can I s ay how thrilled I am to meet you.Now run and tell that!! ENSEMBLE Run and tell that! SEAWEED Run and tell that!! (The son g ends an Motormouth makes her entrance). what's the use The da rker the chocolate The richer the taste That's where it's at SEAWEED .The sweeter the juice I could say it ain't so But darlin'. to come and sit in. Motormouth. begged. MOTOR MOUTH Oh. MOTORMOUTH Thereґs platters of tunes and food on the table. kitten. Why canґt we all dance together li ke this on TV? MOTORMOUTH Think we havenґt tried? Weґve pleaded. petitioned the gov.. W e pressured the mayor. and what did we get? . TRACY This is just so Afro-tastic. what a coup! The ever sparkinґ Sir Link Larkin! LINK Always nice to see you. Miz Motormouth. Ms.

so I followed you in mine. hereґs Von Tussle. Letґs pl ay some hide and seek! (Music starts). EDNA Ooooooooohhhhh!!! Tray. LINK Weґre having a blast! Come on. what are you doing here? . What are you doing? AMBER I waited for you under the bleachers until half-way t hrough the JV track meet. TRACY. VELMA I saw you getting into your darling. PENNY & LINK The dirty boogie! (Th ey start to dance when suddenly the door bursts open). (The door opens agai n ad this time Edna enters with a take out bag). VELMA O h! I should have known youґd be at the bottom of this barrel. jump in! (The d oor bursts open again) VELMA Aaaaieeeeeeee! Amber! Has anyone touched you? MOTOR MOUTH You all better hustle.MOTORMOUTH & KIDS One day a month! SEAWEED Enough talk. then I saw you getting on the North Avenue bus ad I fo llowed you here in my new car. AMBER Aaaaaaieeeeeee!! Li nk!! What are you doing in this huge crowd of minorities? LINK Trying to fit in. are you brainwashing th ese children? MOTORMOUTH Theyґre only dancing. TRACY Yeah! We are dancing. th at was you I saw! Wilbur! It was the kids I saw! TRACY Mama. new car. We came to dance. Motormouth.

dominated boy I fell in love with? Mother. itґll be a suburb. AMBER Letґs go. so we drove up to Rubyґs Take -Out across the way. Iґm Tracyґs mom. VELMA Oh! So you are what spaw ned that! EDNA Excuse me? VELMA I guess you two are living proof that the waterm elon doesnґt fall far from the vine… EDNA Tracy. WILBUR All right! A p arty! Anyone for chicken and waffles? STOOIE If we get any more white people in here. youґre bei ng rude to these people. Link. hold Mommyґs waffles. (They l eave). be a dear. come! ( he doesnґt move). Link. come! AMBER Link. LINK Amber. AMBER What ever happened to the blan d. VELMA (as if to a dog) Amber. if our cars are still there. come.EDNA I had a sudden craving for chicken and waffles. Amber. Letґs get back to the right side of t he tracks. (Edn a takes a threatening step toward Velma as Wilbur enters). go. VELMA Come on. EDNA I didnґt care for them. come! LINK Amber. Hello everyone. VELMA With pleasure. LITTLE INEZ .

WILBUR And give correct change. And once the two of you break the barrier. LINK (pulling Tracy aside) Tracy. weґll all be free to dance on TV. TRACY Then weґll all walk out together. you canґt do thi s. Youґre new to the Council. theyґd realize that weґre not so different after all. Thereґs Link and Iґm sure we can get the others. They could never turn you and Little Inez away. EDNA Weґve always tried to teach her to do whatґs right. Thereґs me. it ainґt that easy. We just want to have a good time. Ya gotta get more specific than that! TRACY Is tomorr ow specific enough? Think: itґs Mother-Daughter Day. If kids saw us dancing together on TV.) Tracy… TRACY No. LINK (relieved) Whew… TRACY Youґre going to crash White Day! MOTORMO UTH White day is everyday.Are all white people like that? WILBUR Naw… just most. Motormouth. your childґs got vision. SEAWEED You sa ying that you and Link would be willing to dance with us on Negro Day? That woul d be earth shaking! LINK (getting nervous. you work for the station. Without dancers. theyґve got no show. SEAWEED Thatґs revolutionary. What if they call the cops? People could get hurt. Youґll be thrown off the show for . Weґre not going to danc e on Negro Day. TRACY Well I know how we ca n start changing that. MOTORMOUTH What a decisi on. MOTORMOUTH Child.

And thereґs still Amber. (realizes this sounds too shallow) That camo out wrong. and so should you. Iґm not gonna throw it away. TRACY No! I want to do this. Iґm sure heґll figure out heґs crazy about you. Cґmon. TRACY Oh mama… how could I think Link Larkin would eve r care about someone like me? EDNA Why wouldnґt he? Youґre a beautiful girl. talent. TRACY You donґt think segregation is wrong? LINK I like these people. Saturday night is everything Iґve worked fo r. Please stay. But I donґt kn ow. Itґs just like my soap opera!! TRACY Mama. donґt tease. EDNA Just give him time. TRACY Thatґs why weґre all doing it together. Iґve never felt an ything like this before. TRACY But you and me together. Should you risk your career? TRACY I never would have gotten on the show without Seaweed. personality. . Me? Iґve got one chanc to get seen nationwide. I was starting to think… LINK Sure. No. LINK Not me. he could be right. WILBUR Tracy. itґs payback time. LINK Sorr y. iґm leaving and you gotta too. Iґve been singing and smiling on that show for three years waiting for it to lead me to my break. Youґve got everything: brains. PENNY Iґm sorry Tracy. Itґs getting too complicated. Itґs whatґs right. Stay Link. See ya… little darlinґ (He le aves).sure. I really like him. But wheter or not theyґre on TV w onґt get me a recording contract.

Me and Mama will be right behind yo u. Tracy… but Iґm too fat to appear on TV. you and Little Inez will walk in first. .. Motormo uth. BIG.. So this is how weґre gonna do it. BLONDE AND BEA UTIFUL MOTORMOUTH Once upon a time Girl I was just like you Never let my extra l arge Largesse shine through Hair was brown and nappy Never had no fun I hid unde r a bushel Which is easier said than done! Then one day my grandma Who was big a nd stout She said you gotta love yourself From inside out And just as soon as I learned How to strut my funky stuff I found out that the world at large Cant get enough so.WILBUR Thatґs my girl. tomorrow. TRACY Okay. MOTORMOUTH Yo u canґt let weight restrict your fate! Look at me! Iґm on TV! 9. EDNA Excuse me? TRACY Theyґll never be able to throw them through the door with us blocking it! EDNA Iґm sorry. every one bring your mothers… PENNY And sisters! TRACY And meet me around the corner fro m the studio and make signs! PENNY Yes! And put words on them! TRACY Ms.

. I'm a growing girl I offer big love With no apology How can I deny the world The most of me I am not afraid To thro w my weight around Pound by pound by pound Because I'm Big. don't you sniff around For something fluffy and light I need a man w ho brings A man-size. blo nde and beautiful And Edna girl... you're lookin' so Recruitable Why sit in the bl eachers Timid and afraid When Edna.. Appetite I'll use a pinch of sugar And a dash of spice I 'll let ya lick the spoon Because it tastes so nice I'll keep it in my oven 'Til it's good and hot Keep on stirring til it hits the spot Because i'm. You can be your own parade! .Bring on that pecan pie Pour some sugar on it Sugar don't be shy Scoop me up a m ess Of that chocolate swirl Don't be stingy. Big. blonde and beautiful There is nothin' 'bout me That's unsuitable No one wants a meal That only offer s the least When girl we're servin' up The whole damn feast MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBL E Slice off a piece Of that hog head cheese Then take a look inside My book of r ecipes Now.

ish.. i'll be right at your side If I can find some space MOTORMOUT H So you can Hold your head up Just as big as ya please You know they'll hear me knockin' With the two of these! MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE Tomorrow. side by side We 'll show the world what's right EDNA Looks like i'm touchin' up my roots tonight ! MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE Then we'll be Big. I'll do it! ALL Yeah!!! (The sce ne shifts and protest signs are distributed) SCENE 9: TV STATION PROTEST ALL Yea aa! Look out old Baltimore We're marching in 'And we ain't shufflin' Through tha t old back door EDNA And Tracy.. I guess I'm beautiful.TRACY So? How 'bout it. Mama? EDNA Well. I am big. blonde and beautiful It's time to fac e the fact It's irrefutable Can't ya hear that rumbling? That's our hunger to be free It's time to fin'ly taste Equality . I will join the fight If I can keep up this pace WILBUR And girls. I am blonde. and if yo u say I'm beautiful. OK.

8. they are loaded into the addy wagon.. blonde. As the protesters continue their march.4. We're white as wool MOTORMOUTH Well ladies..TV'S got to integrate! COUNCIL MEMBERS Stay away! Thi s isn't Negro Day! DYNAMITES And get us on TV! (Police sirens wail. The protesters march into the s tudio causing caos).. it's.. follow me EDNA Let's bust their chops! VELMA Quick. Whistles blo w.) MOTORMOUTH You bet I'm big! EDNA (pulling on Velmas hair) This blond is gray! L INK Tracy. call the cops! MOTORMOUTH & PROTESTERS We're gonna dance our way to victory! DYNAMITES And get us on TV! PROTESTERS 2. and beautiful leads the w ay! ... big is back! And as for bl ack.Beautiful!! MOTORMOUTH All shapes and size s. COUNCIL MOTHERS & DAUGHTERS On mother/daughter day Where th in is in.6.(The Corny Collins Mothers and Daughters appear.. this was beautiful! MOTORMOUTH Big.. MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE .....

wilbur. fighting or any other kind of unladylike behaviour. I think I left the iron on! . THE BIG DOLLHOUSE WOMEN I gotta get out I gotta get out I gotta get out How'd I get in this slammer This cooler This big dollhouse! MATRON Alright.ENSEMBLE No one's getting on TV today! END of ACT I ACT II SCENE I .. doping. check. gambling. Where have you gone? EDNA ???. Think of me as a mother. ladies.. one who eats her young! VELMA Locked up with all these lowlife women EDNA And horizontal stripes Ain't exactly slimmin' AMBER Is there anybody here Who can dry clean my blouse? MATRON It's the maid's day off ALL In the big dollhouse LI'L INEZ Lady justice. I'm letting you k now now that I don_t stand for boozing.THE JAIL HOUSE 10. welcome to the "Big Dollhouse!" For those of you new to the Baltimore Women's House of Detention.

just eat the mice! ALL Of The Big Dollhouse MATRON Exercise ladies! Come on let_s start.VELMA Did you see Corny laughing? I could murder that louse! MATRON Honey. Six bur gers. specially you. a mouse! ALL There's no food left In the big dollhouse . with those unslimming stripes! EDNA (to Matron) Yoo hoo. that' ll getcha life HOOKERS In the big dollhouse ALL Big house! VELMA Locked up here in the pen ALL Big house! AMBER No phone! EDNA No food! MOTORMOUTH No men! EDNA I need a burger delivery From my loving spouse MATRON Honey. My stomach's a lit tle sour I haven't had food In over an hour MATRON You just had a pizza.

call my attorneys Lipshitz and Strauss I gotta get s prung From the big dollhouse ALL Big house! LITTLE INEZ No fair! EDNA No food! P ENNY No fun! ALL Big house! MOTORMOUTH And our fight had just begun 'Cause it's freedom's flame Velma'd like to douse So we must break out of this ALL Big Dollh ouse MATRON You do the crime. mami. matron. my hair's deflating! PENNY Well Tracy. don't I know you Fr om 1st and main? VELMA Eek. I hate to grumble or grouse ALL (screaming at Tracy) But it's your fault that we'r e in This big dollhouse!! . you gotta do the time! TRACY Penny.VELMA Hey. I can't take A ll this waiting I've lost my man Plus. I have got to complain HOOKER Mira.

BEATNIK CHICK Hey. EDNA To think I_d have killed to have crim inal record back when my mother was alive. You haven't seen the last o f us. a souse! EDNA (pawing Velma) Well. she_d be so proud. A loser. (She exits). MATRON Recess is over! Time to pay your debt to society. cool it. i'm too young to fry! ALL Big house! EDNA I'm busting out! MOTORMOUTH Girl. Von Tussle. Mrs. hear my plea 'Cause the big dollhouse The big dollhouse T he big dollhouse Ain't big enough for me! For me! For me! EDNA For me!!! (Song e nds).. and . tipping is permited. Remember your gr andma was a defensor of women_s rights. it's just us girls In the big dollhouse ALL Big house! AMBER God.. We_ll be marching again. so a m I! ALL Lady justice. TRACY Right. Please keep in mi nd. ladies No need to shout And don't ya got an old man To bail you out? VELMA Ha! Her daddy's a pervert.

Now if you do uble wide twins will excuse me. HUNGARIAN Lmc klhvv lkxhvoihvoiuv lkzniohvaoiv h! ASSISTANT Ladies you_re free to go with the sincere apologies of the state of Maryland and the personal compliments of the governor himself. T. VELMA The govern or? Really? Sweet. EDNA I still don't care for them. This never happened. and I'll be sure he gets it. I have a national TV Spectacular to produce. set. chubby Millard. match. HUNGARIAN Sjkldnuoadhg njohfuosah aso jdfniousd! Ldkzfngoidh zjsdbuosdhbfuas! Ldfkhvodhfguoashfuaajsdbfouashdfuoashf! Alsdhfoauishfuoasdhfaadfja! Lkzxjnvzlsnvlzknzбxlm! ASSISTANT Von Tussle. Oh Tracy. Th is old jail got a whole lot nicer. Adojfgnodfghaoudfhguodf ksafjiuf asod jfhoifghoi dofihgosidfhgsdofu. Any message for Link? Place it on my lips. Amber? AMBER That_s us. ASSISTANT You've got a visitor. (The guards reenter and unlock the cell door) . I'll have armed guards surrounding the Eventorium to make sure Tracy Turnblad doesn't get within 100 miles of that place. Bail has been pos ted.soon. to the beat of a whole new era! VELMA Bang your drum. Velma? Vo n Tussle. Game. VELMA So long Balti-morons! (They ex it laughing). with his assistant holding a clipboard). Don't get anymore cute ideas about protesting or even showing up at the special. We dated on and off in college. (A Hungarian guard enters . MOTORMOUTH I hear ya. Miz. no one cares. . AMB ER I was never here. HUNGARIAN GUARD Skjbnosjdbnosdgnsdjfgba.

(All the women go out of the cell. The Turn blads hang back). WILBUR I posted bail. TRACY . I'm growing old here. cause here it says that: Miss Turnblad is herewith and forthwith withheld. there. without bail.. Hurry. I mortgaged the Store. MATRON All prisioners kindly turn in your tap shoes on the way out. TRACY Oh Daddy!! EDN A But that place is your life! WILBUR You two are my life.. We're kee ping that crowd brain washer right here. WILBUR I'm not going anywhere without my da ughter. EDN A Wilbur! How? WILBUR Simple really. Move out peacef ully. They have th e heart. MATRON (reading from his clipboard) Change your cupon back on y our way out. TRA CY The governor_s office? Mrs Von Tussle! Manipulating our judicial system just to win a contest is un-American! MATRON Don't make things worse. So. Bail for everyone! Ba il for the house! You're free to go.MOTORMOUTH Thank the Lord for those who can afford it. WILBUR Shall we hurry up? MATRON Hold it right there. WILBUR But I paid for everyone.. I got a group discount. MOTORMOUTH The Turnblad gang are real good folks. they get the jokes. She is to be moved to solitary confinement and held ther e until further notice by special order of the governor_s office..

too This morning Life was a Baltimore fairy tale Now I can't make bail! My mother's in shock My father's in hock I much prefer link's a rms To jailhouse cells So link. We c an't do Tracy any good here. MATRON I'm counting to th ree and then I'm rearresting you all for illegal trespass. LITTLE I NEZ Keep the faith. hear the bells! And get ready. They can_t keep me here forever. Link.It_s ok. please rescue me now 'Cause I love you And this prison smells. oh I'm all alone My heart ha s grown But it's broken. WILBUR Let_s go. baby. MOTORMOUTH They haven't heard the last from us. 11. GOOD MORNING BALTIMORE (Reprise) TRACY Oh. daddy. PENNY You are so lucky to get out of the algebra final! (They all leave except Tracy). Then change the world! . I've gotta lot to thin k about. Besides. brand-new Day in store Let me out so this dream's Unfurled I'll eat some breakfa st. Motormouth and Penny reappear). Baltimore There's a bright. oh. I might as well do it in solitary refinement. Little Inez. (They leave. EDNA (To the HUNGARIAN and the ASSISTANT) Touch one hair of my daughter_s head and I'll be back to teach you a whole new meaning fo r split ends.

. I got just what she needs here.... she_s just a little girl and littl e girls make mistakes.. Yes.. WILBUR You were good. Where would other little girls come fro m?. Edna is on the phone.. I used to make my own clothes.. Edna. WILBUR Calm down sweetheart.. of course I understand you have an empire to protect. Pinky. I'll return the outfits. (The gigantic can explodes) What do you think? Isn't this great! EDNA Impressive. Yes. You are a visionary inventor saving the day . I think I_m going mental. Yes. Pinky. and they_re still in the bo x. sure!. (She hungs up). we haven_t abandoned Tracy. Goodbye. Yes. but how is it gonna help our Tracy? WILBUR Yo u_ll be surprised.... In fact. The pettipants too. Tracy_s a teen idol reshaping the world. and what am I? I had a dream too you know.. Anyway. I scarcely wore them twice.And I promise Baltimore Once I cha-cha right out of That door The world's gonna wake up And see Link's in love with me! SCENE 2: TRACY'S HOME Wilbur and Edna ar e at home later that day. there are names.. Wilbur is busily working on a Jumbo Hairspray Can Mode l. my stomach_s in knots. I'm closing up now. EDNA I can_t calm down.. "Yeah. but Mr. You know how many times I've been called "crazy" ? But I say. cra zy! Crazy like a loon". Wilbur. and Hallmark does n_t make a card for any of them! WILBUR You can_t worry about people calling you names. EDNA Oh. . it is too bad. Oh Wilbur.. EDNA Hello? Yes Mr. stand back. If they didn_t. remember? I always dreamed one day I would own my own line of queen sized dress patterns. I understand. There are names for wome n who abandon their daughters who_ve gotten themselves arrested for trying to in tegrate an after-school television show. EDNA Oh. WILBUR Ok. I bought a double box of Candy.

EDNA Yeah? And where_s it gotten me? Twenty years later I'm still washing and me nding and ironing everyone else_s clothing. Wilbur. I suddenly feel so. babe But there's no cure So let this fever rage Some folks can't stand it Say time is a bandit But I take the opposite view Cause when I need a lift Time brings a gift Another day with you A twist or a waltz It's all the same schmaltz With just a change in the scenery You'll never be old hat That's that! You're t imeless to me EDNA Oh. old. My time_s come and gone. Edna... Oh. doll. WILBUR One day. and the elasti c is all stretched. 12. Wilbur! Fads keep a-fadin' Castro's invading! But wilbur. EDNA No day. W ilbur. babe Just gettin' riper with age You're like a fatal dis ease. WIL BUR Nonsense. you're timeless to me Hemlines a re shorter A beer costs a quarter But time cannot take what comes free You're li ke a stinky old cheese. Whenever I'm near you is like gr abbing hold of a giant joy buzzer. I'm a worn out pair of bobby sox. The music starts. you're timeless to me Hairdos are higher Mine feels like barbed wire . (YOU'RE) TIMELESS TO ME WILBUR Styles kee p a changin' The world's re-arrangin' But Edna. You_re as spry as a slinky.

I think my bumper_s stuck in ne utral.. baby. we may need it later! EDNA What do you thin k of this dance big boy? WILBUR Uhhhhh! Yes. you got me goin' hot and heavy You're fat and old.) WILBUR Oh! Ed na.But you say i'm chic as can be! You're like a rare vintage ripple A vintage they 'll never forget So pour me a teeny weenie triple And we can toast the fact we a in't dead yet! I can't stop eating Your hairline's receding Soon there'll be not hing at all So.. way to go baby! EDNA You'r e like a broken down chevy All you need is a fresh coat of paint WILBUR And Edna . yes yes. WILBUR Oh don_t brake it. dance for me! EDNA Oh Wilbur! You make me feel like a girl again! WILB UR Oh honey show them the bumper! EDNA Oh honey.. you'll wear a wig While I roast a pig Hey! Pass that geritol Gle nn miller had class That chubby checker's a gas But they all pass eventually You 'll never be passe Hip hooray! You're timeless to me (They dance.. but baby. boring you ain't! WILBUR & EDNA Some folks don't get it But we never fret it 'Cause we know that time is our friend .

Yours too.TRACY_S JAIL CELL & PENNY_S BEDROOM (Link enters) LINK Tracy ? Where are you? It_s me... EDNA You're timeless to me WILBUR Oh baby.. WILBUR & EDNA You're timeles s to me!! SCENE 3 . honey. TRACY Link! Over here! . I love how you sing to me... your dance was the best! WILBUR You'r e timeless to me EDNA I know.. Link Larkin. From the show.It's plain to see That you're stuck with me Until the bitter end And we got a ki d Who's blowin' the lid Off the Turnblad family tree EDNA You'll always hit the spot Big shot! You're timeless to me WILBUR You'll always be du jour Mon amour Y ou're timeless to me EDNA You'll always be first string WILBUR Ring-a-ding-ding! WILBUR & EDNA You're timeless to me EDNA Oh baby.

I couldn' t even concentrate. I couldn't sing. TRACY That's beautiful. TR ACY You did? LINK I didn't. Von Tussle I was through with the Miss Hairspray broadcast. I have a good lofe: great parents. So would you consider wearing my rin g? TRACY Would I? Would I? LINK To lose thee were like to lose myself. Link? LINK .. Seeing you dragged off to a jail brought me back to my senses. I f eel such an idiot. it_s Amber the talent scouts are coming to see. Some kid named Milton wrote that in the thirdfloor boy's room. plus a learner_s permit good through August.. (He produces his ring) It's a little scuffed from Amber throwing it in my face when I told her I'd rat her be with you. so I went down to the stati on to tell Mrs. LINK I know a palooka like me isn 't worthy of a ground-breaking extremist like you. 3 sweaters . TRACY That makes two of us. my own room. you look beautiful behind bars. I thought I 'd lose it when I thought I lost you.. It had nothing to do with me. Gee. But you know what I've been missi ng. Von Tussl e talking to Spritzer. All this time I thought Amber and I were a team. (S he puts on the ring). but. When I got to the station I overheard Mrs. Tracy.LINK Shhh! The guard's asleep.. T racy. TRACY It mus t be the low-watt instutional lighting! Link what are you doing here? LINK Oh. I couldn't eat. TRACY You did? LINK I did. TRACY You couldn't eat? LINK No.

WITHOUT LOVE LINK Once I was a selfish fool Who never understood I never looked inside myself Though on the outside. no!! TRACY Once I was a simple girl Then stardom came to me But I was still a nothing Though a tho usand fans may Disagree ENSEMBLE Tracy!! TRACY Fame was just a prison Signing au tographs a bore I didn't have a clue 'Til you came banging on my door TRACY (& E NSEMBLE) That without love Life is like my dad without his bromo Without love Li fe is making out with perry como! . never se t me free No. (They try to kiss). I ain't lyin' Never set me free. i'm in love with you No matter what you weigh 'Cause. they can keep us from kissing. but they can't stop us from singing! 13. I looked g ood! Then we met and you made me The man I am today Tracy. No.. no.I think I do. LINK (& ENSEMBLE) Without love Life is like t he seasons with No summer Without love Life is rock 'n' roll without A drummer T racy. I'll be yours forever 'Cause 1 never wanna be Without love Tracy. Trace. Tracy..

the phone rings? (She exits jus t as Seaweed appears in the window). wee. I knew that even the colors of our skin couldn't keep us apart. But. throw away the key LINK & TRACY I'm yours forever TRACY Throw away the key LINK. positively. wee" all the way home. I'm here to save the fair maiden in her tower.Darling. This one's for being neglect ful. PENNY Hurry. SEAWEED From the moment I saw you. I'll be yours forever 'Cause I never wanna be Without love So darling. This one's for being willful.. yeah. yeah! (Scene freezes. TRACY& ENSEMBLE Yeah. Seaweed! You do care! I was worried it was just a lonely t eenager's forbidden fantasy. you are absolutely. And this one's for crying "wee. PENNY Oh. permanently punished. this knots are something else. Seaweed! SEAWEED Living in the ghetto Black is everywhere ya go . This one's for being deceitful. (The phone ring s) Why is it everytime you tie your daughter up. we see Penny's house at the other side of the stage) PRUDY Penny Lou Pingleton. SEAWEED (climbing in Penny's window) Psst P enny! What happened?! PENNY (strapped into bed) My mother's punishing me for goi ng to jail without permission! SEAWEED Well..

We can see both couples a once). I've got to break out So that I can get my hands on you SEAWEED And girl. LINK If you're locked up in this prison. never set me free PENNY & SEAWEED I'm yours forever Never set me free PE NNY & SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE No. no. trace I don't know what I'll do TRACY Link. if I can't touch you Now I'm gonna lose control PENNY S eaweed.Who'd 've thought i'd love a girl With skin as white as winter's snow PENNY In m y ivory tower Life was just a hostess snack But now I've tasted chocolate And i' m never going back (He sets her free) PENNY & SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE 'Cause without love SEAWEED Life is like a beat that you can't follow PENNY & SEAWEED & ENSEMBL E Without love PENNY Life is Doris Day at the Apollo PENNY & SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE Darling. you're my black white knight . i'll be yours forever 'Cause I never wanna be Without love SEAWEED So d arling. no! (Lights comes on in the jail again.

we cou ld make a blowtorch! LINK I've got a Zippo lighter! And uh. I've g ot to get out of here. I'll never sell it now! ALL 'Cause without l ove SEAWEED Life is like a prom that won't invite us ALL Without love LINK Life' s getting my big break and laryngitis . Link! PENNY Oh.. Seaweed! SEAWEED Oh Penny! PRUDY Oh m y God! Colored people in the house.I've found my blue-eyed soul SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE Sweet freedom is our goal LINK T race.. She gets out ) LINK Oh Tracy! TRACY Oh. I wanna kiss ya! TRACY Then I can't wait for parole! TRACY Oh Link. embarrassed) TRACY Link! What a special n ight! Your ring! And your very own blowtorch! (He torches the door. If we only had some hairspray and a Zippo lighter. (He produces it from his jacket. I've got hairspray too.

no.. Without love PENNY & LINK Ys now you've captured me ENSEMBLE Without love SEAWEED & TRACY I surren der happily ENSEMBLE Without love PENNY Oh seaweed ALL Never set me free PENNY & SEAWEED No.ALL Without love PENNY Life's a '45' when you can't buy it ALL Without love TRAC Y Life is like my mother on a diet ALL Like a week that's only mondays Only ice cream never sundaes Like a circle with no center Like a door marked "do not ente r!" Darling. I ain't lyin' PENNY & SEAWEED Never set me free ALL No.. no No. I'll Be Yours Forever 'Cause 1 never wanna be. no. I don't wanna live without PENNY . no TRACY & LINK No.

. LORRAINE No. love LINK Yeah. love. GIRL Good night for a jailbreak. yeah ALL Darling. is it? PENNY Yes maam. MOTORMOUTH I never mind love. But be careful .. Motormouth. (There's a knock at t he door) LINK Hey. she won_t. LORRAINE Ms. cause there's a lot of ugly coming at you. PENNY It's okay.. . you had best believe me. They think she was helped by Link Larkin. LITTLE INEZ Seaweed's got a g irlfriend! SEAWEED Is it ok I brought her home? I had to get her away from her l ooney mama. Nev er leave me without love! SCENE 4: MOTORMOUTH'S MOTORMOUTH It's a mess out here.. look! Now it was on c hannel 2! They said that Tracy Turnblad has escaped from prision. She_ll kill him. it_s a gift from above. Miz Motormouth. Penny. It_s everywhere on the news! MOTORMOUTH Lord have pi ty! It_s a crazy city! Who_s at the backdoor? (Seaweed enters with Penny) MOTORM OUTH My baby! And. We broke Tracy out of jail. yeah. My mother's gonn a kill me anyway.Love.

PENNY Maybe your dad could help too. Besides we already tried it and it didn_t work. MOTORMOUTH So you tried once and you failed. Link. I KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN . and it_s gonna be on National TV. MOTORMOUTH Well. We may never get another c hance like this. it's worth fighting for.. TRACY No. you could go to prision. We can_t get lazy when things get crazy! 14. and Penny. And this time we'll start by getting Corny and the gurds at the studio to help us. Mrs Von Tussle said there_ll be armed guards at t he Studio. Tracy why d id you start all this in the first place? TRACY I just think it's stupid we can' t all dance together. TRACY Anyway. ALL No! TRACY I can_t put any of you in any more danger. Sometimes he has ideas.ALL Yeah.. TRACY Someone could get shot STOOIE And for what? Ju st so we can dance on some silly show? MOTORMOUTH Hold it! Nobody said this was gonna be easy! If something's worth having.. we gotta get busy. your mother will kill you! LORRAINE No.. PENNY With arms. I've got to turn myself in. My daddy could lose his shop. this ti me it won_t be like yesterday. Only 24 hours t ill Miss Hairspray. she will kill him! DUANE I hear you. TRACY The jailbreak was easy compared to getting a cab to this side of town... we heard! It's on TV.

MOTORMOUTH There's a light In the darkness Though the night Is black as my skin There's a light Burning bright Showing me the way But I know where i've been The re's a cry In the distance It's a voice That comes from deep within There's a cr y Asking why I pray the answer's up ahead 'Cause I know where i've been There's a road We've been travelin' Lost so many on the way But the riches Will be plent y Worth the price we Had to pay There's a dream In the future There's a struggle We have yet to win And there's pride In my heart 'Cause I know Where i'm going And I know where i've been MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE There's a road We must travel T here's a promise We must make 'Cause the riches Will be plenty Worth the risk An d chances that we take There's a dream In the future There's a struggle We have yet to win Use that pride In our hearts To lift us up .

. I'll give thanks to my god 'Cause I know wher e i've been SCENE 5: MISS TEENAGE HAIRSPRAY CORNY And now.. it's The Corny Collins Spectacular.brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray! 15. it's hairspray! What gets a gal Asked out to lunch Is it brains. is it poise? No..To tomorrow 'Cause just to sit still Would be a sin ENSEMBLE I know it. COUNCIL GIRLS He's Corny!! C ORNY .. Where i've been MOTO RMOUTH & ENSEMBLE Oh! When we win. is it dough? No.. (IT'S) HAIRSPRAY CORNY (& ENSEMBLE) What gives a girl Power and punch? Is it charm.for the first time ever on nationwide television.. I know i t I know where i'm going MOTORMOUTH And lord knows I know. from the certif ied up-to-code Baltimore Eventorium. live. You can take off in a rocket And in outer space .. it' s hairspray! If you take a ride With no can at your side Then your flip will be gone With the wind But if you spray it and lock it... ...

I insist You use hairspray And tell your mother Her head she should smother With "ultra-clutch" faithfully So if you're a redhead. A blonde or brunette Jus t take my advice And you might just get The only thing better than hairspray COR NY That's me! ENSEMBLE Ska-doo-dle-e-ya Doo-dle-e-ya do wah CORNY Forget the mil kman The only thing better than hairspray ENSEMBLE Hairspray! Wow! CORNY That's me! CORNY & ENSEMBLE What makes a man Reach out and touch? Ultra clutch! CORNY & ENSEMBLE So if you're a redhead. A blonde or brunette Just take my advice And y ou might just get CORNY The only thing better than hairspray That's me! ENSEMBLE Ska-doo-dle-e-ya Doo-dle-e-ya do wah COUNCIL GIRLS He's Corny Collins! .Each hair will be in place Why take a chance When you get up and dance If you tw ist.

you look like you could use a stiff one!" BRENDA Ska-doo-dle-e-ya-do do wah!!!! (A man in a hat and a fake nose enters pushing a gigantic hairspray can . Wh at the hell is this?! WILBUR Product placement.) VELMA And we_re off for network commercial.. We needed a little something there.pronto!! (Seaweed a nd 3 boys dressed as guards run in from the aisle) What is this? Some kind of Tr ojan Horse? What_s inside? If your daughter's hiding there she'll rot in there. Don't I know you? WILBUR Honest Ve lma. Guards. open fire! MOTORMOUTH (Dressed as a guard ) Understood Maam.. The sponsor insists. (Velma whips off his hat and nose to reveal Wilbur) V ELMA You! WILBUR Damn! VELMA Guards! Riot Squad! Come here. I'm a total stranger.CORNY The only thing better than hairspray ENSEMBLE Hairspray! Wow! CORNY That's me! ENSEMBLE Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah! Do wow! CORNY "He y. . Velma approaches suspiciously. VELMA What a relief.. baby.. if anybody touches that can.

. our rules say that the cont estant has to dance to win...Cooties AMBER If I were her i'd be depressed Long tailed ...WILBUR You win Von Tussle this time. COOTIES AMBER They came from way far ou t In outer space And with her help They may destroy the human race AMBER & GUYS She's got cooties! GIRLS . CORNY And now for the talent portion of the competition.. V ELMA Get out!! (Seaweed exits up the aisle) And coming back to Corny on camera o ne in 3. The fin alists present a dance of their own creation. Tracy Turnblad... get 'em away from me . Even though Tracy can_t be here.. this song is about you. Ready Amber? AMBER Ready as a bunny in Easter. sharp nailed Fuzzy legs. You're one clever woman. Amber Von Tussle and Tracy Turnbla d are neck to neck. ewww!!" In science class She's like a walking show-and-tell Her pet skunk ran away 'Cause it couldn't take the smell . 2.Cooties AMBER They've found a place to nest GUYS She 's got cooties GIRLS . get 'em away from me... laying eggs "Eww.... 16. I'll say that.

Cooties AMBER Nobody want to sit by her GUYS She 's got cooties GIRLS ...Cooties AMBER Sh e shows them cootie hospitality GUYS She's got cooties GIRLS ... ALL Dot. dot.Cooties AMBER Sh e's like a living "twilight zone" .. dot AMBER Hurry. let's stamp 'em out!" GUYS She's got cooties GIRLS . circle..Cooties AMBER S he's just as friendly as can be GUYS She's got cooties GIRLS .. get your cootie shot! "Come on everybody...GUYS She's got cooties GIRLS ..Cooties AMBER She don't need a coat 'Cause she's got fur ! Circle.

TRACY Not so fast. get rod serling on the phon e! AMBER Black. (The board shows Amber is the winner bya a few votes). CORNY Right on schedule! I mean. I think we_d better check the board. YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEAT (Part 1) . I'm now ready to consume the titl e of Miss Teenage Hairspray (Spritzer carries the crown and the bouquet). Ladies and gentlemen I give you the never to be counted out Tracy Turnblad! 17...Cooties AMBER Quick. green AMBER & ENSEMBLE Every color in between AMBER Dresses like a circus clown AMBER & ENSEMBLE Somebody oughta hose her down AMBER Grew up in a cootie zoo I bet her two-ton mama's got 'em too! "And that's for y ou!" Thank you ladies and gentlemen. AMBER What did I tell you? Give me the crown.GUYS She's got cooties GIRLS . and kids. I know nothing about this complex plan. SPRITZER Yes. white. give me the flowers. and everybody star t bowing! (Tracy and friends enter through the aisle)... Look who's coming through the front door. Amber Von Tussle is the winner. Amber. red. CORNY Just to be sure.

Penny? PENNY I am now a checke rboard chick! You can't stop a river As it rushes to the sea You can try and sto p the hands of time But ya know it just can't be And if they try to stop us. sea weed. girl But ya know you never will And you can try to stop my dancin' f eet But I just cannot stand still 'Cause the world keeps spinning 'Round and 'ro und And my heart's keeping time To the speed of sound I was lost til I heard the drums Then I found my way TRACY & LINK 'Cause you can't stop the beat Ever sinc e this old world began A woman found out if she shook it She could shake up a ma n And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it The best that I can today 'Cause you cant stop The motion of the ocean Or the sun in the sky You can wonder if you wanna But I never ask why And if you try to hold me down I'm gonna spit in your eye an d say That you cant stop the beat! (Penny appears onstage transformed into a hot teenage tigress.? .) TRACY What do ya' have to say.p! 'Cause the world keeps spinning 'Round and 'round. SEAWEED 'Round and 'round PENNY .double-a . I'll call the n .TRACY You cant stop an avalanche As it races down the hill You can try to stop t he seasons.

look. I have my heart set on something a lot more . TRACY & LINK Ever since we first saw the li ght A man and woman liked to shake it On a saturday night And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it With all my might today 'Cause you cant stop The motion of the oc ean Or the rain from above They can try to stop the paradise We're dreaming of B ut they cannot stop the rhythm Of two hearts in love to stay 'Cause you cant sto p the beat! (The guards reveal themselves).And my heart's keeping time To the speed of sound SEAWEED Speed of sound PENNY I was lost till I heard the drums Then I found my way PENNY & SEAWEED 'Cause you can't stop the beat PENNY & SEAWEED. this is my dan ce. TRACY You can keep you c rown. and it's dedicated to everybody! CORNY Everyone. Amber. TRACY Get her! Amber. VELMA & AMBER No!! AMBER It's wrong! It's j ust so wrong! LITTLE INEZ Hand over that crown... look at the scorebo ard! (It shows Tracy is the winner). honey! AMBER You_ll have to rip it from my cold dead hands! LITTLE INEZ That will work.

a company car.important. beauty products for women of color! VELMA (stupified) I just don't know what to say. He's enjoying the show so much that he granted a pardon to Tracy! You cannot buy this kind of publicity! Velma.. SPRITZER This is marvelous. I cn hardly recognize y ou. you'r e the newly appointed Vice President of Ultra Clutch.. and a huge s alary! VELMA (hopefuly) I just don't know what to say. The phones a re going crazy. Even the governor called.. I am.. you're a genius! VELMA I am? Yes... Television will never be the same.. I think I can get you a recording contract! LINK My big break! (Prudy appears) PRUDY Give me back my daughter! I know you_ve got her. .... SPRITZER Velma. SPRITZER And now Am erica would like to hear you kids sing our new theme song. Penny. ans I als o want to be the first one to say "The Corny Collins Show is now and forevermore officially integrated! CORNY America look up!Here_s history right before your e yes. I saw her on TV. SPRITZER It comes with offices. SPRITZER I'm about to launch a new line of pro ducts and I want this woman to head the campaign! VELMA (curiously) I just don't know what to say. LINK Would that happen to be me? TRACY Of course you. Link. But I als o want a graduate degree in musicology with a minor in Ethnic studies.

could you tell me what is in thi s can? WILBUR My masterpiece. I made this myself! 18.. . I wouldn't ruh in there after me if I were you.... LINK This may not be the right moment since we're on national Tv and all .... (The huge can explodes and reveals Edna) EDNA So. PRUDY And you look so happy.. but if this black boy is responsible for the light in your eyes. CORNY Live Television! There's nothing lik e it. the n how could I object? (They embrace).. but Tracy. WILBUR That's my girl! VELMA Before I get completely sick. PRUDY & ENSEMBLE 'Caus e the world keeps spinning 'Round and 'round . Mama.. TRACY Mama! We did it! We're on National TV! EDN A National Television? America. I just don't give a damn! EDNA . YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEAT (Part 2) EDNA You cant stop my happiness 'Cause I like the way I am And you just can't stop my knife and fork When I see a christmas ham PRUDY So if you don't l ike the way I look Well. what did I miss? I_ve been stuck in that can since lunch.PENNY I'm a pretty girl.... if I don't kiss you now I'm gonna die! (They kiss). I can't say it's wha t I want.

oh.. child. be a dear and get me my ox ygen. yesterday is hist'ry ENS EMBLE Be gone! MOTORMOUTH And it's never coming back . You can't stop today ENSEMBLE .No! MOTORMOUTH As it comes speeding down the t rack ENSEMBLE O?? ??? ???. yes MOTORMOUTH Child. NOW! (Motormouth steps forward and removes her helmet) MOTORMOUTH (to Ve lma) Step aside. it's time to wrap this mutha' up! Oh.... Miss Buttercup. oh...And my heart's keeping time To the speed of sound I was lost til I heard the dru ms Then I found my way EDNA & WILBUR & COMPANY 'Cause you cant stop the beat Eve r since this old world began A woman found out if she shook it She could shake u p a man And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it The best that I can today 'Cause yo u cant stop The motion of the ocean Or the sun in the sky You can wonder if you wanna But I never ask why And if you try to hold me down I'm gonna spit in your eye and say That you cant stop the beat! EDNA Wilbur.

aah.ENSEMBLE Look ahead MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE 'Cause tomorrow is a brand new day MOT ORMOUTH And it don't know white from black ENSEMBLE Yeah! MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE 'Cause the world keeps spinning 'Round and 'round And my heart's keeping time To the speed of sound I was lost til I heard the drums Then I found my way 'Cause you cant stop the beat ALL Ever since we first saw the light A man and woman lik ed to shake it On a saturday night And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it With all my might today 'Cause you can't stop The motion of the ocean Or the rain from a bove They can try to stop ths paradise We're dreaming of But you cannot stop the rhythm Of two hearts in love to stay You can't stop the beat! Aah. you can! . aah Aah. aah Aah . we can't! ALL Yes. aah Come on. you von tussles Go on. aah. shake your fanny muscle s VELMA & AMBER We can't! ALL Yes. you can! VELMA & AMBER No. aah.

..!!! ALL You can't stop the beat VELMA & AMBER Ever s ince we first saw the sun It seems von tussle girls are always Tryin' to please someone But now we're gonna shake and shimmy it And have some fun Today! ALL 'Ca use you can't stop The motion of the ocean Or the rain from above They can try t o stop the paradise We're dreaming of But you cannot stop the rhythm Of two hear ts in love to stay 'Cause you can't stop the beat! You can't stop the beat!! You can't stop the beat!!! THE END .VEIMA & AMBER Yes. we can.

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