Mulheres:

Você não precisa dela, ela precisa de você

homens atrativos
SIMETRIA FACIAL = bons genes e boa saude
Voz profunda(deep voice) = mulheres acham que vozes profundas(grossas) são mais fáceis de lembrar
Grandes mandíbolas - mostra uma sólida saúde reprodutiva
Olhos - claros, e com limbal circle
Altura

EU DEVO ME PERGUNTAR:
- DE QUE FORMA ELA PODE ME SERVIR HOJE?
Seja um Namorado Líder

- Ela é uma soldada voluntária, você precisa ser muito tolerante

- Acorda pensando no próprio sonho e dorme pensando nos sonhos dos seus subordinados
- Líder dinâmico e servidor
- Ela que inicia as conversas
-
-
-
(500) Dias Com Ela
Summer é a mulher cujo senso de liberdade é baseado no quão independente emocionalmente ela é, não importando
o quão ácido esse tipo de comportamento pode ser para outras pessoas.
o que ela faz em certo ponto é puro egoísmo. Por pensar tanto em si mesmo, ela acaba se esquecendo que está se
relacionando com seres humanos, não com pedras.
Criar laços com outras pessoas é comum, seja de amizade, seja de paixão e, no melhor dos casos, no amor.

Sempre que olho as fotos imagino eu comendo elas

Mulheres são todas putas, é só ter dinheiro o suficiente que você compra ela.
Suma -> mostre que você está progredindo na vida, elogie ela, faça ela se sentir amada -> suma de novo

Criar uma esposa/namorada ultra fiel e muito necessitada de mim, dando exemplo sendo ultra fiel
A virgem de traições é a melhor pois o cérebro dela nunca foi conectado que trair causa prazer
Mulher é ENORME perda de dinheiro, risco de doenças e ENORME perda de tempo!!!
Se um namoro não está te fazendo mais rico, vai te deixar pobre.
Mulher não quer namorado, mulher quer patrocínio financeiro, só vão te trazer mais gastos
Cultivo um sentimento negativo para pornô e sexo
A vontade de transar é a Beast.
A Beast é corruptora, você deve mantê-la domada
Ver sua mulher transando não tem graça nenhuma
Masturbação apenas 2 vezes na semana, a cada 3 dias
Mulher não quer namorado, mulher quer patrocínio financeiro, só vão te trazer mais gastos
Quanto maior o nível de disciplina, maior a qualidade das mulheres e coisas que você irá conseguir na vida
NÃO FIQUE VENDO MULHERES!!!
Nojo, repulsa por sexo e mulheres
Você já tem uma mulher magnífica, abandone as outras
Sou muito exigente e cobro muito da mulher que estiver comigo
Toda mulher é mercenária. Quanto mais rico você for, mais ela deixa você fazer merdas que ela não concorda sem te
abandonar.
Você vai pavimentar com dinheiro seu caminho para as Elites
Traição é imperdoável, merece a morte
- Você é distribuidor de produtos de beleza e anti-envelhecimento!
Elas vão viver com inveja e te achando lindo!!
Mulher exibida é muito perigosa de te trair, é vadia, só serve pra ser comida
Nosso objetivo é educação e entendimento e não pegar essas mulheres, pois se você mira em pegar a Stoya e ela não
está afim no momento, você pode parar de falar com ela ou ela se sentir caçada.
Seu objetivo é apenas educar ela, aumentando o número de exposições dela a você
Quem define as regras sou eu
Hostile Takeover =
- começar a fazer ela depender da minha carona
- depender de mim pra tudo

Conteúdo que vende, vende mudança

ENCORAJAMENTO É OXIGÊNIO PARA A ALMA

Eu vivo entusiasmado e sorridente e engraçado

Nunca critico, ajo como um professor

Status Me

Humanos gostam de ordem e estabilidade

- são as críticas que estão afastando as pessoas de você e fazendo você ser bloqueado no grupo

Não critique, não condene, não se queixe, sempre que você faz isso pode gerar problemas
Elogie, exalte, agradeça

Sua reputação é tudo

Pessoas se tornam mais fortes conforme a esperança estiver mais forte nelas

Seja o motivo que as pessoas vivem e respiram

Hábitos a combater:
Nunca argumente contra um amigo/a, ele/a pode levar a sério e se magoar, você argumenta muito bem, mostrar que
estão errados magoa eles.
O momento de maior autocontrole deve ser quando eles comentam algo pejorativo nos seus posts, responder é alta
chance de ferir a amizade
Nunca mostre suas conversas para outras pessoas, nem comentários que fez para outras pessoas
- Nem ficar vendo mulheres, organizando pastas delas

Nunca comente no face sobre uma situação com uma pessoa que você passou depreciando
Comente nas postagens delas
Não postar nem comentar sobre política.

1º Escute o que as melhores pessoas fazem e repita

Melhora da Imagem: dar/fazer o que a outra pessoa deseja/precisa
Piora da Imagem: dar/fazer o que a outra pessoa não deseja/precisa ou tem aversão
ver quão bem e a qualidade da roupa da pessoa se veste, poderá saber a condição financeira dela (principalmente
sapatos)

cliente gosta de gente positiva, sorridente, faça a pessoa sorrir é ultra importante

Sempre é importante avaliar o nível de inteligência de uma pessoa se você quer ter uma amizade de longo prazo com
ela. Se notar que ela não é muito esclarecida, se afasta. Ela não vai entender o que você quer dizer, você vai ajudá-las
e não vai gerar sentimento de gratidão nelas, se tentar fazer uma crítica construtiva logo ficarão aborrecidas com
você, só aceitam elogios. Receber algo delas? Nunca irá, só querem receber. Essas pessoas geralmente estão atoladas
de problemas e se vitimizando, você vai querer ajudar e acabará se dando mal.

O que todo mundo quer?

• Dinheiro
• Ser amado
• Orgasmo e prazer
• Novas experiências boas
• Mais saúde, mais tempo de vida
• Jovialidade eterna

Saídas:
• SEREM CHAMADOS PARA COMER, VOCÊ PAGANDO!!! (Vamos comer uma pizza? Eu pago pra gente)
• Te pego em casa de carro
• Serem chamados para tomar banho de piscina

É muito fácil saber e ganhar muita afeição das pessoas: passe muito tempo com elas fazendo algo que elas gostem!

Dívida Social que vc tem com as pessoas sofre desvalorização com o tempo , por isso você precisar ser um Giver ativo
com elas
Create a basic expectations and reward system nelas

A maioria das pessoas:

Tem pouco dinheiro ou nenhum
Tem poucas opções na vida
Não tem muito conhecimento de como fazer as coisas darem certo
Tem objetivos pequenos(casa, carro, casar, ganhar baixo)
Estão perdidas, não tem um propósito, sonho grande
Tem um sentimento de incapacidade de fazer as coisas mudarem
Não tem carro, então gostam muito que alguém as leve para os lugares de carro
Adoram carrão, mansão, lugares lindos
As pessoas gostam que as outras reconheçam o valor delas, reconheçam o valor que elas mesmas veem ou que elas
não veem mas outra pessoa vê nelas
Querem se tornar importantes
Se vc é ruim em algo, se cerque de pessoas que são boas naquilo
Sirva os que são melhores que você para poder passar mais tempo com elas
Milionários não gostam de outras pessoas mais pobres que ela perto delas pois diminuem a média de 5 pessoas com
quem mais se relacionam

Mulheres
 Mulher de classe é muito controlada

Eu fico energizado quando faço uma mulher gozar!!

LEIA LIVROS DE COMO FAZER ALGUÉM RIR

DOMINE A HABILIDADE DE FAZER PIADAS MUITO ENGRAÇADAS!!!

Faça ela RIR MUITO!

Pegar qualquer mulher que eu quiser: não existe fortaleza tão boa que não possa ser vencida pelo dinheiro
- mulheres, PARA DE PERDER TEMPO COM PARDAL!!!
umonte de mulher pergunta: "vc mora só?" pois elas querem muito que eu tenha um lugar pra gente transar

- MAIOR tempo possível sem pensar e sem ver mulher

- Se eu for mais rico que ela é muito mais fácil

"58,7% mulheres japonesas preferem homens que tem dinheiro" – Japonessica

TUDO RELACIONADO A MULHER VOCÊ VAI COMPRAR, TUDO.

Amor, sexo, qualquer tara sexual que você quiser realizar

com DINHEIRO você CONSEGUE qualquer mulher

mesmo sem ter que dar dinheiro a ela!!!!!!!!!!!
SÓ MOSTRANDO QUE TEM!

- mulheres não são úteis para mim, SÓ CONSOMEM MEU TEMPO E DINHEIRO E MUITO DINHEIRO, trazem problemas
(risco alto de ter filhos), consomem meu tempo, trazem DSTs, infecções e herpes. Podem me trair e levar minha
fortuna. Elas podem ser sua ruína. São só formato diferente de homem, muitas fedem e tem doenças transmissíveis.

Algumas mulheres não gostam de ser compradas, outras se vendem FÁCIL se você der um bom lance
Não perca tempo conversando para comer elas depois!!!! Fique rico primeiro

COPIAR FOTO DE MULHER PRO PC É INTOLERÁVEL, DELETA!!!

CADA "TOLERÂNCIA" É UM ERRO
nunca mais coletar fotos de mulheres, essa é a raiz!!!!

Superar a necessidade de mulher

Coletar fotos de mulheres pra que serve? Só pra punheta! Só para se iludir!!!
"vamos dormir juntos"
contra vontade de m:
essa vontade passará, mas se vc ceder irá ser prejudicado

Um ótimo marketing precisa de um ótimo produto.

Alguém que vai suprir os desejos delas.
Não todos no momento, sem gastar 8 reais de transporte.
Ponha seus recursos a disposição delas
Técnicas de Tentação:
Todo mundo tem desejos que não podem dizer.
Quando alguém se torna um Agente dos Desejos se tornam um agente desses desejos. Viram o ponto fraco dos
outros, até entre vampiros e outras criaturas da noite. Um Agente não é perigoso pelo que pode fazer, mas pelo o que
ele pode fazer você fazer.
Um habilidoso sabe o que sua vítima quer, como obter, e como mostrar o prêmio para a pessoa de forma que ela vai
fazer -qualquer coisa- para ter.
Diplomacia, Intriga, Interrogação, Carousing(traduzir, habildade de divertir pessoas em festas, fazer amigos, conseguir
informação, distrair alguém), Sedução, Hipinose(diminui a dificuldade em -1 ou mais em esfera Mente)
VER QUAIS AS PREFERÊNCIAS DOS JOGADORES, O QUE ELES SENTEM QUE GOSTAM MAIS DE FAZER E O
CONHECIMENTO QUE ELES TEM MAIS
3 frases para vender
1º Uma que faça gostarem de vc
2º Uma que faça confiarem em vc
3º Uma que faça vc tem uma solução pra elas
leia As Armas da Persuasão
What we sell to the Masses is control — a stable system in which they can pursue their goals without fear. Control is
about Trust
As pessoas tem "modos". Modo de pânico, modo sedutor, modo dúvida, modo feliz... Você precisa fazer elas terem o
modo sedutor qnd se relacionarem com vc, pra isso ative seu Modo Sedutor também

Todo projeto tem: Custo, Escopo e Tempo = CET Ou Qualidade, Cronograma, Escopo, Orçamento, Recursos, Riscos

Um processo geralmente inicia com uma demanda do cliente.

Maturidade: inicial, gerenciado, padronizado, previsível e otimizado.

Reality Programing requer familiaridade com o Paradima da pessoa, para poder dar esperança e simpatia
O desligamento a ex ocorre na proporção do quanto a pessoa já está ligada em outra pessoa e o quanto a pessoa
dependia da outra para realizar o que a fazia feliz. Forma mais fácil de esquecer uma pessoa é estar pegando uma
melhor que ela(que nem sempre é fácil).Repegação de ex geralmente ocorre quando os dois ainda não encontraram
outra pessoa melhor. E se uma pessoa é muito independente, esquece ex fácil, já que nunca dependeu muito de outra
pessoa para ser feliz.
Veja as gatas e amigos como clientes Analisar Vícios e Medos das pessoas, veja quem o cliente gosta mais de passar

´
Ponha seus recursos a disposição delas.
"Tenho x e y se precisar "

Lembre-se: dinheiro/retribuição é a recompensa que você recebe por gerar valor na vida das pessoas ;)

Elogios, prazer, diversão, motivação Ter 2 lados: prazer e dinheiro "Esse corpo gostoso ñ se mantem sozinho "
Triângulo de Gerência de Projetos: tempo, custo e escopo. 2 técnicas de gerenciamento de projetos: paralelismo(fast
tracking) e crashing(compressão)
Sutil e subliminar, são as palavras que descrevem as ações do Syndicate
Não existe fortaleza tão forte que o dinheiro não possa conquistar - Cicero fortaleza = pessoa

Become a Insider (entre na situação)

Faça o jogo se tornar ganhável
Segurança (faça uma margem de segurança)
Confortável e Relaxado(Sempre estar confortável)
Como jogo se tornar ganhável na sedução: tenha coisas que ela quer
Seja de fácil acesso a ela

Desenvolta a habilidade de fazer EXCELENTES PERGUNTAS

Comece a dizer às pessoas o que vc quer, para que elas possam te dar
Elas ficam querendo retribuir mas não sabem como

Não critique, não condene, não se queixe

Faça os outros falarem ao máximo:
1- Perguntas
2- Mude o assunto para algo que o outro gosta de falar
3-
Poste frases e imagens inspiradoras
Soluções para os problemas
Minha imagem:
Sempre ocupado, estudando/trabalhando, inteligente, educado, divertido, criativo.
As pessoas fazem análises baseadas na frequência que viram aquilo ocorrer. Se alguém foi alegre 1 vez na frente
dela, e a pessoa só foi vista 1 vez, irão concluir que ela sempre é alegre

EVITAR:
Atitudes de criança,
Parecer fácil
Confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, children who think of themselves as the smartest in the room get
the best grades.

Good news for gamers: Playing games with an idealized avatar of yourself can boost self-confidence.

sitting up straight in your chair will increase your overall confidence. This applies to posture overall. What’s more,
behaving confidently will make you feel more confident over time.
Modo Sedutor: Seja um amigo que ela tem interesse
Não demonstre interesse no início, aja sempre como um amigo
Imagens são muito poderosas, use fotos com frequência para mostrar o que quer e o que você tem
Cada cliente vive em uma cultura, que pode ser diferente de outro
Sempre observe a subjetividade, no uso das palavras, brincadeiras e linguagem corporal
ESTEJA EM ALCANCE FÁCIL DO CLIENTE, LEVE-O OU VÁ ATÉ ELE
Se posicionar e mirar em uma parte do mercado é mostrar que tenho expertise with their type of car or their type of
problem.

QUAIS PROBLEMAS SOU BOM EM RESOLVER?

Sei investir, linguagem corporal, carisma, etiqueta, sedução, ed. financeira, concursos, direito, administração, Direito

Posicionamento: Sou da mesma linha política que ela

Mostrar a elas que tenho o que elas querem!!! Corpão Bonito, Confiável, Esforçado,
Administre os desejos das pessoas

NICHO DE MERCADO: Jovens que querem ficar ricas, e tem paciência para acreditar em mim
NÃO CRIE PLANOS SOZINHO COM ELA!!!!!! Parecerá que você está mandando ou palpitando na vida dela!!
A maioria das pessoas ESTÁ PERDIDA!
Não sabem fazer boas escolhas, nem tem um grande objetivo.

Cabe a você mostrar a elas o caminho para onde você quer

Diga a elas o que ELAS TEM que você gosta e quer!!!!!! Diga a elas!!!

Crie novos Desejos nelas, desejos que vc pode suprir TODO MUNDO QUER NOVAS EXPERIÊNCIAS

Mulher é mais expectativa do que prazer e felicidade, risco de engravidar é GRAVÍSSIMO + custo de

tempo + custo de dinheiro

Todas as garotas que você quer vão querer você! Vão te dar muita atenção, te ligar, te chamar

para sair, querer dormir com você

Alto prestígio social

Todos que zoaram com você vão se arrepender, vão te respeitar!

Todas que te ignoraram, vão se arrepender e babar por você "Oi sumido"

LIDER: -Many "Leaders" seek control more than production. Ego is a costly thing.

- COLETAR SONHOS E DORES DAS PESSOAS

Pessoas passam por ciclos que duram uns 2 anos, que esquecem parte do que ocorreu e lembram apenas dos
sentimentos que sentiram, se foi bom ou ruim pra eles

Muita gente tem tão apenas Preferência por Lazer= trabalhar só pra garantir o lazer, dps de achar a zona de conforto
ela se acomoda
“A multidão é como uma mulher, adora pessoas gentis mas é dominada por uma homem forte e dominador.” - Hitler

Dominante

BD

É:
Personal and custom-made for your pleasure
Made with a person’s comfort and self-esteem in mind
Adaptable
Highly individual in nature and not a “once size fits all”

“dominated” wants the pain. They enjoy it.

The master also has the task of giving pleasure and discipline to the slave or sub, and is less focused on taking
pleasure himself. A great deal of what you do as a Master will be for the benefit of a sub. You must derive pleasure
from giving, and have a great desire to please a partner, and not simply take what you want.
BDSM has really gone mainstream over the past several years, and it’s no coincidence— because people really are
looking for sexual fulfillment. Many people today feel unfulfilled sexually, because they have grown accustomed to
the routines and really want to spice up their sex life.

Make them feel alive, passionate, excited, and who knows, maybe even help them get over some baggage in their
lives.
“Don’t be afraid, it’s nothing you can’t handle with a little bit of practice, no matter how unsure or introverted you
feel right now. Your Master Mentor is here to help you and we’re going to make this easy and straight to the point.
Let’s get started by discussing a little bit about how BDSM got started and what it has evolved to today.”

the concept of pain and pleasure (more or less what BDSM is on an elementary level)

Flagellations (ancient spankings) were on record since at least the ninth century in Artemis Orthia of Sparta, as The
Priestess oversaw ritual floggings of young men. These instances, and many more like them, were not merely about
the “abuse” of the slave, as in a violent perversion of royalty; but the PLEASURE that such punishment brought both
the slave and the master.
Yes, slaves liked it, even if they didn’t have much of a choice and even if their master did have all the power and there
was no “acting” or “safe word” involved. Because pleasure and pain are always more intense when they accompany
each other, as in the words of one very famous novel, “they are on the same scale of human emotion.”

What’s interesting is that even in the ancient Kama Sutra, it is expressed that the sex act should be consensual since
not all women would consider it a joyful
experience. Therefore, not only did the Kama Sutra realize the reality of pleasure-pain, but it also referred to “rules.”

Pleasure pain is as old as human sexuality itself.

BDSM is about experimentation, a comfortable shift away from the traditional approach to romance and sex.

Tip #2: Accept that BDSM is no laughing matter and it’s not a license to be a dick.
Tip #3: Become comfortable with experimentation. Accept that this will be a learning
experience and you’re not an all-knowing MASTER just because you’re joining the
BDSM lifestyle. An open mind is more important right now than attitude.
Tip #4: Remember you are not rejecting the sub for being ____, ____ or ____. (Any
abusive terms you can think of) That would defeat the entire purpose of having a
slave, wouldn’t it?

Furthermore, Krafft-Ebing and Freud both taught that sadism in men was a distortion of male aggression and that all
females were basically masochistic in nature, in that they craved dominance by instinct.
One of the most interesting recent commentaries on the subject comes from Havelock Ellis, Studies in the Psychology
of Sex, who says that sadism and masochism are so closely related, that they are complementary acts of love; pain is
inflicted because of love, not abuse. For the pleasure of both giver and receiver.
He also states another little understood secret of the BDSM lifestyle—sadomasochistic activities (distinguished from
abusive relationships) involve the “express request of the masochist” who gives the sadist emotional cues and
mutually understood signals—in essence
prompting and guiding the sadist on how to properly give him pleasure and pain.
Yes, there you have it. The Master’s intent is to please the slave. The sub, the submissive, the bottom, ultimately
powers the relationship. After all, it is consensual and voluntary, and the only reason a sub would stay in the “control”
of a Dom is to experience pleasure/pain in just
the way he or she wants.

system of reward and punishment, in respects, earning the Master’s approval with submissive behavior.

Tip #5: Your job is to make your slave happy. It’s not to break them or bully them into a crying heap of pain.
Ultimately, you are giving the sub what the sub wants
This is in contrast to many misconceptions out there that express, in so many words:
That the Master is in control because he’s an alpha male, aggressive and confident.
That the billionaire asshole is in control because of his wealth and power, and the
woman’s role is to put up with all the tests he gives her.
That a Dom’s main intent is to “tame the shrew” and treat her poorly, breaking her spirit
and training her to be a good submissive.
All of these are misconceptions because they don’t factor in the base foundation that the sub
is the primary receiver of pleasure, and is ultimately in control, since he or she always has the
choice to walk away and stop “playing.”
BDSM has the capacity to be aesthetic and what you might call sustainable, in
that it doesn’t escalate to the point of addiction, nor are there withdrawal pains or “tolerance”
that demands constant extremes. It is simply a type of role play, not always sexual in nature,
that gives both lovers pleasure without personal manipulation

Tip #6: Make this play sustainable, repeatable and easy to pick up where you left
off. You are not trying to take your slave to extremes. You are not trying to trespass on your sub’s
comfort zones, escalating the anxiety. You are trying to have them keep coming back.

Teasing and Delaying

In keeping with the same Freudian dissection, secondary rejection is clearly at play in real BDSM, since ultimately the
sub gets the stimulation he wants. He/she just doesn’t get it right now. The Master has the task of increasing
frustration and delaying the sub’s desire for gratification.
French philosopher Gilles Deleuze wrote on masochism, and describes one of the more subtle
pleasures of the dance; the masochist gets pleasure from the contract of the arrangement.
Delaying release, sexual or non-sexual gratification, either intensifies the sub’s feelings when
orgasm is imminent, or completely denies gratification altogether, by creating a loop of delay
and teasing—which the sub finds orgasmically gratifying in and of itself.

The sub controls the Master, turning the Master into someone “cold, callous”; while the sadist
tries to “destroy the ego, unify the id and super-ego” and thus satisfy BASE desires. While this
isn’t exactly the principle of BDSM, it is true that the sub ultimately decides the future of the
relationship and the Master becomes the role the sub wants.

For now, let’s review the most basic lessons of BDSM lifestyle:
It is about experimentation and negotiation
The sub always has control even if the appearance is that the Master does
The sub wants to be teased and the Master knows how to delay and pleasantly torture
and deprive the sub to his/her heart’s content

How to avoid being a Mr. Grey, a Mr. Black or any other exaggerated abusive character, and instead be a
true, quality DOM the way your sub wants you to be.

O que é um Dom? A definição de Dominante é uma pessoa importante e poderosa que gosta de estar no
comando. Eles desejam obediência e precisam estar no controle. Eles tendem a ser o "Macho Alfa", e é por
isso que "Dom" é sempre escrito com maiúscula, enquanto "sub" é sempre minúsculo. Um Dominante pode
assumir muitos papéis diferentes, como:

Papai
Mestre
Chefe
Proprietário
Sádico

Eles se esforçam para exercer controle sobre todas as coisas, não apenas sobre sexo. Isso significa que
eles têm ordem em suas próprias vidas pessoais. Não é incomum que um Dom tenha uma personalidade
obsessivo-compulsiva. Eles se orgulham da saúde de seus corpos, casas, veículos e empregos, sabendo
que tudo isso reflete neles. O Dom assume a responsabilidade pelo bem-estar e pelo treinamento,
orientação e disciplina adequados de seus subordinados. O Dom também mantém um ambiente estável e
seguro no qual seu sub pode desempenhar suas funções a serviço do Dom.
Seja a Luz, não seja a mariposa
Mulheres são naturalmente submissas
Fatores que geram automaticamente

Pontos de Liderança:
1- Mais conhecimento
2- Mais alto
3- Mais rico
4- Mais bonito
5- Estar no meu carro
6- Estar na minha casa
7- Mais bem arrumado
8-
9-

Mentalidade de Recompensas e Punições:

1- Sempre que ela criar algo que eu gosto, você deve algo a ela (chocolate) ou algo que ela não gosta
2- Sempre que ela criar algo que eu não goste, tire algo que ela goste (minha atenção, desmarcar uma saída) ou se algo
que ela não gosta
3-

Modelos lindas e ricas vêem como mais difíceis de dominar por elas têm mais pontos intrínsecos de liderança que eu

Para ela ter o que ela quer, ela deve seguir suas regras:
Para uma pessoa namorar, precisa ser dessa forma X.

Ser mandão

Bondade:
O prazer deriva de tornar a pessoa contida vulnerável a uma variedade de atos sexuais.

Como ser um bom Dominante:

- Focar em dar mais do que receber: segurança, conhecimento, diversão, carinho,
- Ser egoísta, mas ter certeza de que a submissa está satisfeita sexualmente, emocionalmente e fisicamente
- Consentimento: você lidera pois outra pessoa consente em você estar no poder
- Pode ficar desativado, mas sem sair do controle, nunca perde o controle
- Dá recompensas “Se eu .... você ...”
- Se desculpam sem parecer fracos, como não parece fraco? - Admitindo que eles erraram e que farão para corrigir isso
- Dominante vai contra as regras sociais do ser "cara legal" com as mulheres. Podem sentir-se culpados, mas Dom
sabem o que querem e precisam ser enviados sexualmente. Não significa que não vai ceder na cama, mas que será mais
acertado na cama.
- A linguagem corporal e a fala de um Dom precisam ser poderosas e controladas. Eles também devem procurar a parte.
- Os Doms devem ter boa postura e permanecer altos, estando acima do submarino, fazendo com que eles se sentem
abaixo deles ou se ajoelhem. SEMPRE FIQUE MAIS ALTO QUE ELA, maior tempo possível enquanto estiver com
ela
- Eles não precisam ser Christian Grey, mas devem estar em forma, ter boa higiene, estar bem vestidos e não serem
desleixados.
- Eles não perguntavam: "Onde você gostaria de jantar?" Eles diziam: "Vou levá-lo para jantar. Escolha um lugar.
- Uma das minhas coisas favoritas que meu pai faz é me dizer para fazer café para ele. Quando éramos baunilha, ele me
perguntava: "Você acha que pode me fazer café, por favor?" Agora ele apenas me diz para fazer isso e sempre coloca
um sorriso no meu rosto para executar essa tarefa simples para ele.
- Para beijar ela, ela está sentada olhando de baixo para cima, mais alto que ela,
- Faça ela ter o hábito de servir: quando for a casa dela usar água 2 ... 3 vezes, sempre que ela oferecer algo aceito,
- Punir ela pelo menos uma vez por encontro, com tapinhas,
-
-
-

Frases: Durante o sexo:

- Segurar uma submissão durante o sexo
- Dizer à submissão ou que fazer ao solicitar
- Amarrar um sub para que ela fique contida
- Atrasar ou orgasmo da sua sub para mostrar que você está no controle dele –

Mal dominante:
- Foca em receber mais do que dar
- Não se importa em receber uma submissão
- Força a pessoa a fazer coisas sem o consentimento dela
-
- Dom falso pode dizer coisas como: "Você não é realmente um submarino" ou "Um bom submarino faria XYZ".
-
-

Ganha pontos de Postura:

- Boa aparência: bem descansado, feição de confiante (piscar)
- Mais bem arrumado que outra pessoa
- Não é necessário, pode pedir algo sem parecer necessário
- Mandar algo: "Deixa eu fazer uma pergunta ...", "Me conte sobre você"
- Linguagem corporal dominante
-
-
-

Pontos de Postura:
- Estar com cara de cansado, feição de preocupado, medo ...
- Estar menos bem arrumado que outra pessoa
- Parecer necessário, pedir coisas para outra pessoa
- Esperar ordens
- Linguagem corporal submissa
-
-

Treinando a submissa: A modificação do comportamento é alcançada através da manutenção da

estrutura e da ordem. Subsistem com uma rotina definida e regras e protocolos podem ajudar um Dom a
alcançar esse objetivo na submissa. A submissa pode manter um diário para que o Dom possa entrar na
cabeça dela. É preciso esforço constante, mas é uma coisa bonita quando a sub torna-se exatamente o que
o Dom deseja ao mesmo tempo que agrada os desejos da sub. As punições são predefinidas entre o Dom e
a sub e são usadas para orientar e corrigir a sub. A verdadeira dominação não é apenas um papel, é um
modo de vida. Ser Dominante significa que eles se mantém em um alto padrão: físico, intelectual, vestuário,
mas tudo vale a pena. Eles receberão como presente final alguém se voluntariando para ser sua submissa.

Rituais BDSM: Um ritual é mais uma maneira de realizar alguma coisa. Quase sempre envolve uma ação
em que o Dom prescreve uma série de comportamentos para seu prazer e benefício. Os rituais são uma
maneira de disciplinar a sub. Eles ensinam a elas obediência, submissão e as mantêm no estado de espírito
certo. Isso também é verdade para o Dom. Às vezes, se uma sub tiver permissão para agir de maneira
muito malcriada ou estar no comando de uma situação, um ritual poderá colocar as duas partes novamente
em seu papel.
“Gosto muito dos meus rituais e os vejo como quase solenes e espirituais. Quando eu realizo um ritual,
parece até um pouco cerimonial. Tenho prazer em saber que estou fazendo algo que meu pai quer e que o
faz feliz. " Os rituais são automáticos e um bom sub não deve ser solicitado a fazê-lo todas as vezes. Se um
sub esquecer (ninguém é perfeito), ele deve ser disciplinado no nível adequado. Um bom Dom não inventa
rituais apenas por ter um. Deve haver uma razão para eles e deve ser para o seu prazer.

1. Ajoelhado
Meu pai geralmente vai para a cama antes de mim, porque ele acorda cedo, então, quando estou pronto para a noite,
sento na cama ao lado dele e me ajoelho. Se ele não acordar, eu vou esfregá-lo levemente e dizer: "Estou pronto para
dormir agora, papai". Se ele ainda não foi para a cama, ajoelharei-me no chão e esperarei a permissão para entrar na
cama. Ele também me ajoelha diante de uma cena também.

2. Saudação de chegada
Esse é outro ritual popular que eu posso realizar com segurança na frente dos outros. Quando ele chega em casa, onde
quer que eu esteja em casa e não importa o que esteja fazendo, vou cumprimentá-lo com um beijo e dizer: "Oi, papai".

3. Um texto matutino
Meu pai decidia o ritual conjunto de todas as manhãs trocando mensagens de texto. Ele geralmente me manda uma
mensagem primeiro para me dizer bom dia e que ele me ama. Respondo com o que estou sentindo, um plano detalhado
para o meu dia e que eu o amo. Adoro acordar e ver uma mensagem dele.

4. Colares
Existem muitas maneiras de incorporar colares com rituais. Atualmente, temos dois. A primeira é que eu tenho que usar
meu colarinho do dia sempre que sair de casa ou em torno da empresa. Se ele estiver em casa, ele o colocará para mim.
Segundo, quando eu me ajoelho diante de uma cena, ele coloca meu colarinho em mim.

5. Depilação
Às vezes, nos relacionamentos comuns, tirar os pêlos se torna uma tarefa que é feita de má vontade, mesmo que o outro
parceiro goste sem pêlos. Tornar um ritual de Domínio pode torná-lo mais agradável. Sempre me para o meu pai e
também recebo uma cera brasileira a cada 3 semanas. (Como masoquista, eu realmente amo fazer isso.)

6. Punições
Você provavelmente não pensa em punições quando está discutindo rituais, mas eles podem realmente andar juntos
muito bem. Quando o sub-comporta-se mal, o Dom pode pedir para eles obterem o implemento que escolherem (cinto,
chicote, colheita, etc.). O submarino precisa pegá-lo, ajoelhar-se e apresentá-lo em suas mãos, com as palmas voltadas
para cima. Isso pode tornar a disciplina mais degradante e, como resultado, mais eficaz.
Can Doms have BDSM rituals too?
Yes and no.  Doms will do certain actions as a routine but they are never expected to do it, as they are
allowed to do whatever they want. 
An example is how my Daddy opens doors for me. 
Before I get in the car or enter a building he will almost always open the door for me, and it makes me love
and respect him as my Dom even more each time.  
Other ideas are combing or braiding the sub’s hair at night, ordering for them at restaurants, and staying on
the outside of their sub when they’re walking on the street.

What is a sub?
The definition of a submissive is an obedient, compliant person who likes to give up control.  They crave
being used and need to serve.  They are the subservient partner of a relationship and that is why “sub” is
always spelled with a lowercase while “Dom” is always capital.  A submissive can take on many different
roles such as:

 Little
 Slave
 Property
 Secretary
 Pet
 Masochist
 Neném

They strive to please their Dom in all things, not just sexually.  This means that they may have to give up
some of their own personal freedoms and preferences.

It is not uncommon for a sub to have a mild and quiet personality. They are obedient, and
accept discipline when needed.  Subs aim to conduct themselves  in a respectful and modest manner at all
times, recognizing that their behavior is a direct reflection on their Dom.

A sub should always remember that they should be making their Dom’s life easier, not harder.  Proactively
thinking what the Dom  needs in any given moment, and fulfilling it will bring him great pleasure.
One of the greatest ways a sub can do this is sexually of course, and so submitting to any requested act
within one’s contract is a must.  They should also try to obey rules to the best of their ability, but if discipline is
necessary they should take it willingly.
Wearing a collar, even a discreet one in public, can help keep a sub in the slave mindset.  They are property
owned by someone else, and as such they are a representation of their Dom.  This will cause a sub to take
great pride in the health and presentation of their bodies.  Ways they can do this are:
 Getting sufficient sleep
 Exercising regularly
 Eating a healthy diet
 Dressing properly
 Having good hygiene and grooming

True submission is not just a role, it is a way of life.  Being a submissive means they are held to a higher
standard, but it is all worth it.  They will receive the ultimate gift of a Dom’s complete approval.
HOW TO GO FROM VANILLA TO BDSM AND KINK
Start with kinky communication (and not just about sex)
One of the awesome things about a D/s lifestyle is that there is usually a whole lot more communication than
a vanilla one.  Start by telling your partner what you already like about your relationship.  Then you can begin
to tell them things you want to maybe try or are just curious about.

Ask them what their kinky fantasies are.  This may take a few tries so keep things positive and be patient. 
Saying the word “BDSM” may scare them off so maybe just talk about the aspects of it you like.  This can be
things like:
 Bondage
 Spanking
 Control
Sometimes a person has to get comfortable just talking about how to go from vanilla to kink before they feel
they can make the switch to doing it in real life.  Read articles on Domsubliving.com together and keep your
conversations light and fun.

How to go from vanilla to BDSM with a kink contract

Contracts are one of the things that the book 50 Shades of Grey actually got right, but contracts don’t have to
be for hardcore D/s couples.  Experts say that talking about sex openly and writing it down in a contract brings
meaning to even vanilla relationships.

Contracts can include roles and what those involve (even if it’s just your names and titles like husband, wife,
boyfriend, or girlfriend).  Other things to cover are:

 Limits (the kinky things you or your partner won’t do)

 Safewords
 Rituals
 If/what discipline is acceptable
Don’t be embarrassed or take yourself too seriously.  Have fun discussing your contract and check in
regularly to see if it’s working or to renegotiate.

When things don’t go as you hoped

Whether you’re vanilla or practicing BDSM, you shouldn’t expect perfection from your partner.  Remember,
this isn’t the book 50 Shades of Grey.
Resentment builds when one person starts to feel like the other isn’t fulfilling their role.  In D/s this could be
the Dom feeling like their sub isn’t being submissive enough, or the sub feeling like their Dom isn’t being
dominant enough.  What should you do when this happens?
As always: communicate.  If talking about how to go from vanilla to BDSM makes you feel uncomfortable or
you’re hitting a brick wall, a journal can be a safe place to express your feelings freely.  Journaling is great for
any relationship, vanilla or kinky.
You can download a free journal here which includes prompts to help you get started.

Make the switch from vanilla to BDSM safely

You may be tempted to jump right into a kinky lifestyle, but start slow.  Remember, the book 50 Shades of
Grey is not real life.  In the BDSM community “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” is extremely important, and not just
during sex.

If not practiced correctly, a D/s relationship can be dangerous, both physically and emotionally.  However,
when it is enjoyed in a healthy way it can be extremely fulfilling and bring deep meaning to a relationship.  I
hope with these suggestions all who want to can go from vanilla to BDSM and kink successfully.

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO KEEPING A SUBMISSIVE’S JOURNAL

20 COMMENTS
In beginning my BDSM journey as a sub, I thought keeping a journal was very vanilla.  “Shouldn’t I just tell my Dom
my feelings and ideas?” I didn’t think a submissive journal would be useful, but my Dominant wanted me to so I
obeyed.  Here’s what I’ve learned, plus some writing prompts and examples to help you start.  Be sure to download
your free template here.

Why is a journal so important?

A journal is a submissive’s safe place to write down whatever they want.  In a life full of control and submission, it can
be their only outlet to vent their feelings freely.  Journaling can be very therapeutic.

It also gives the Dom a glimpse into their sub’s mind so he can better understand her.  In order for this all to happen
though, a sub should always feel safe to write anything in their journal without fear of being punished.
If a sub is constantly asked, “Why did you write that?”, they’ll slowly stop writing for themselves and more for pleasing
their Master.  My journal has a list of rules at the beginning of it.  Here is a sample of it you can use as a template:

“Only the submissive can write here, unless she gives approval for the Dominant to respond in it.  All other responses
of the Dom will be by email, text, or handwritten notes only.  The sub will not have to answer for anything she writes
here, or be held accountable. The Dom can indirectly discuss any concerns he has but without referencing her
journal.”
Submissive journal rules and expectations can also be explained in a BDSM contract as well.  For examples of
contracts click here.

Ideas to get you started

The most traditional type of journal is a notebook, maybe kept in a sub’s nightstand where the Dom has access to it. 
With technology now though there are a lot better alternatives.  I feel the best journal is a digital document that both
parties can share.
I keep a note on my iPhone entitled “Submissive’s Journal” that I have shared with my Dom.  The advantage to this is
that he gets a notification on his phone as soon as I write a new entry.  That way I don’t have to wonder if he’s seen that
I wrote something, and he doesn’t have to keep checking it.  Examples also include a Word or Pages template too.

If you are afraid someone else will accidentally read it you could also protect it with a password.  Journals can also be
done online, or even as part of a blog.

Examples of writing prompts to use as a template

Now that you know why to write and how to write, it’s time to figure out what to write. Basically a submissive can
write anything they want as a reflection of what’s going on in their mind. If nothing is coming to them or they just need
some fresh inspiration, here’s some ideas and examples of prompts to get you started:
 What you like most about being a sub/slave/little
 The biggest challenges to being a sub/slave/little
 Positive things that happened during the day
 Your favorite sexual things, or new things you want to try
 If you could change one thing about your current relationship what would it be?
 Read a post on Domsubliving.com and journal your thoughts about it
 Your goals as a sub/slave/little
 What you would tell your past-BDSM self
Of course one of the best ways to get ideas for journaling prompts is for a sub to ask their Dom. I’m sure they would
love to know their sub’s thoughts on many different subjects.

How often should a submissive journal?

A submissive doesn’t have to journal every day (unless their Dom tells them to), but they should at the very least
journal once a week. Journaling often can allow a sub to release their frustrations through writing, and it can keep them
from acting out or behaving bratty.  It can catch and fix problems early.
A sub shouldn’t only journal when they are upset and need to vent though. It’s also good for them to record positive
things, so both the sub and the Dom can look back on their relationship with confidence.

A word for the Dom:

It is extremely important that your sub should always feel comfortable writing in their journal. It may be their only safe
place they are allowed to vent, “cry”, or “scream”. If your sub senses that you are judging them because of what they
write, they may begin to censor their entries. Even if your sub writes, “I hate my Dom,” resist the urge to ask why they
wrote it.

Remember, children and teenagers will often journal rebelliously, so your little is just expressing normal behaviors.
Instead of confronting your sub, ask them later how they are feeling and if there is anything they think needs
improvement. 
A well-used journal is a sign of a sub who feels comfortable and safe. Be sure to download your free template
below.  Writing often is not only good for the sub, but will help the Dom better understand the needs of the BDSM
relationship.

6 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SAFEWORDS

 The definition of a safeword is a code to communicate when a submissive is at their limit, or close to it. 

1.  Why “pineapple” is a good safeword to use

By definition, the words “No” and “Stop” are not safewords. A safeword needs to be something you would
not normally say in a play session or scene. That’s why “pineapple” is such a good example. If you pick a
word that is too common, the meaning can become unclear.

Why Fifty Shades of Grey used “Red” and “Yellow”

There’s a good reason why Fifty Shades of Grey chose those two examples. The most popular safeword is
“Red”, meaning the sub cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said the Dominant’s actions
cease completely with immediate effect.  The safeword “Yellow” is used to bring to the attention of the Dom
that the sub is close to their limit of endurance.
Red and Yellow are my favorite and the ones I use with my Dom, but we also have an alternative.  Back
when we were vanilla but also doing kinky things, I would use his middle name as a code.  I had used it for
so long that it was still a habit so we decided to keep it.
When you are in the middle of a very intense situation, it is somewhat of a knee jerk reaction to blurt out the
first thing that comes to mind.  So pick a safeword(s) you feel comfortable with.

List of popular examples:

 Apple
 Red
 Pineapple
 Dom’s middle name
 Banana
 Yellow
 Safeword
 Mercy
 Oklahoma

2. Safewords can help establish BDSM limits

If a couple is exploring something new like anal play, safewords can help guide the Dom as to what is
acceptable and what is too far.  One of the roles of a good Dom is to push the boundaries of their sub a little,
to see what they are and aren’t OK with.
To use safewords in this way a Dom can check in with the sub during a scene and ask, “What color?”  The
sub can then replay “Red”, “Yellow”, or even “Green” to indicate that they want to go further.  You could even
practice this technique to get a sub comfortable using safewords.
3. Subs can abuse their safewords without meaning to
Let me start off by saying that there is nothing wrong with using safewords.  They are a sacred part of BDSM,
and are there to make sure everything stays safe, sane, and consensual.  A sub should never feel guilty when
they use them legitimately.
The problem arises when it becomes a way to get out of something they just don’t want to do.  It can
become the vanilla equivalent of saying they have a headache.  Besides sexual requests they may use a
safeword when a situation becomes too emotionally difficult and they just want a break.

In short, the sub becomes the one in control when they safeword because they just don’t feel like doing
something. Find out what the Dom and the sub can do to fix this here.

4. You can try getting rid of them… maybe

In some Master/slave relationships there is the concept of Total Power Exchange (TPE).  This means that the
slave has relinquished all rights, even the right to a safeword.
If the sub consents to this (and they have to consent) there needs to be complete trust in the Dom’s control,
and his knowledge of the sub. This is best for long term, 24/7 relationships.

If you’re not ready for this step, an alternative could be agreeing to forgo safewords during discipline.  This
has the advantage that a sub is more liking to learn from their punishment or not misbehave, if they know
they cannot safeword out of it.  The Dom would then have total control over the discipline and not the sub.
Another possibility would be to not let the sub use “Red” while being punished, only “Yellow”.

5.  You need a nonverbal signal too in BDSM

If choking or gagging is acceptable you won’t be able to talk, so agree beforehand on a safe gesture instead
of a word.  This can be a hand signal or placing an item in the sub’s hand that they can drop when they have
reached their limit.
The downside to these is that their arms and hands would have to be free at all times.  And there is the risk
that the Dom may not be able to see the signal during a BDSM scene.
To get around this my Dom and I have the agreement that my hands and arms are always free during
choking, and our “safeword” is that I will tap his body anywhere I can.  Once he feels it he releases me
immediately.  Try a practice session before committing to your signal.

6. Subs can forget to use their safewords

Sometimes the Dom may make demands of the sub that cannot be met without incurring physical, mental,
emotional, spiritual, or other harm.  That is when the sub should use their safewords.

However, in that circumstance the sub may already be distraught because of the severity of the situation,
and they may forget their safeword.  Or it may not instinctively come to their mind.  If the Dom is sensing that
the sub’s condition is becoming deeply upset and agitated, he should remind them of their safewords.
Also if something new, or if something extremely intense is going to happen, then the Dom should remind
the sub of their safewords again beforehand.

My Dom is very good about this, but one thing I like to do during something very demanding is to repeat my
safewords to myself in my head.  This way they will more readily come to mind if I need to use them.

No one should ever say, “a real sub doesn’t have safewords.”  If a sub is new to BDSM or coming in to a
new relationship, it is a huge red flag if they say they don’t have safewords.  Safewords build trust and bring
meaning into the relationship.  Be comfortable using them and you will experience greater pleasure.  
What does Topping from the Bottom mean for the relationship?
Topping from below sometimes happens subconsciously but it can also be done on purpose.  It’s a lot like
using reverse psychology, and can turn the tables of control without the Dominant realizing it. 

Usually the submissive is the most to blame for this manipulation, but the Dom is equally at fault when they
allow it to happen.  I admit that I have topped from below before, and it can be a hard habit to break in a
relationship.

Examples of Topping From the Bottom in real life (not the book 50 Shades Freed):
While 50 Shades Freed may have made the phrase a flirtatious cliche, TFTB can actually cause serious
problems in a relationship. Here are three to watch out for:

1.  Being a constant brat on purpose

Some Doms like their sub a little bratty every once in a while.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  It can keep
things interesting.  Where it becomes a problem is when a sub is routinely a brat, using the behavior to lash
out.
Instead of a way to be more playful, it becomes the main way to receive attention and to get what they
need.  Needless to say, it can irritate the Dom and make them want to give up.

What the submissive can do:

If you genuinely want more attention or feel that your needs aren’t getting met, speak up!  As long as it’s
done respectfully there is nothing wrong with communicating what you want.

For example, I’ve acted out before after a hard day just to get in trouble.  I know this will get me that stress-
relieving spanking I so desperately need.  I’ve learned though that it’s so much better to say,  “Daddy, I’ve
had a hard day.  Can you please spank me?”

It makes him happy and so much more aware of my feelings.  And the next time he sees me stressed he
knows exactly what I need.

If you’re not comfortable speaking up, you can also write your feelings in a journal (either online or in a book)
that your Dom can read.
What the Dom can do:
When you catch your sub being bratty, try to figure out if they’re just acting out for attention.  Remember: this
isn’t 50 Shades Freed, so instead of just immediately turning to discipline, ask your sub what’s really going on. 
If you sense they’re upset, give them permission to talk.
Encourage them to maybe use an “I statement”, a phrase where they say, “I feel X when you do Y, and I’d
rather you do Z.”  Also, having your sub kneel while you talk to them about their unacceptable bratty behavior
can put them back in their place.

2.  Safewording… without really meaning it

Let me start off by saying that there is nothing wrong with using safewords.  They are a sacred part of
BDSM, and are there to make sure everything stays safe, sane, and consensual.  A sub should never feel guilty
when they use them legitimately.
The problem arises when it becomes a way to get out of something they just don’t want to do.  It can
become the vanilla equivalent of saying they have a headache.

Besides sexual requests, they may use a safeword when a situation becomes emotionally difficult and they
just want a break.  The sub becomes the one in control when they safeword because they just don’t feel like
doing something.
What the sub can do:
Before you safeword, ask yourself if you’re just trying to avoid doing something.  If you were to meet your
Dom’s demands would it really incur physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm?  If
not, safewording in that instance would be dishonest and could lead to a break in trust.
Remember that topping from the bottom in this way isn’t playing fair. If there are things that you absolutely
will not do, make sure to include them in a contract. Click here for some examples.
What the Dom can do:
If your sub safewords, remember that it means they are close to their limit of endurance, or they cannot
tolerate any further demands.  Always respect their safeword even if you believe it isn’t genuine.  Your
actions should cease completely with immediate effect.
Afterwards, if you do believe the safeword was used casually, tell your sub.  Remind them of the real purpose
of BDSM safewords and that misusing them will break your trust.  This firm lecture will probably be enough
to put them back in their place.

3.  Saying, “Well, actually I think…” or a similar phrase

When a Dom makes a decision it should stand.  A sub from time to time can voice their opinion respectfully
when necessary, but routinely getting a Dom to change their mind will only  hurt the relationship.  This can
happen in many different areas.

Some examples include the Dom wanting to have sex in a certain position, but the sub suggests another one
instead.  Or he wants to book reservations at a particular restaurant, but she says she’d rather go to a
different one. When this happens and the Dom gives in, it shifts the control in the relationship.

What the sub can do:

When your Dom makes a decision, don’t undermine it.  Even if it’s not what you were wanting that doesn’t
matter.  Your role is to please your Dom.  If it’s something you really disagree with you can let them know
respectfully.

Another option is to ask them afterwards if next time you can do your choice, or voice your feelings in
a journal book.  Remember:  this isn’t 50 Shades Freed. You are in a real BDSM relationship, and they are
your Dominant.  Topping from below will only erode that.

What the Dom can do:

When your sub says, “Well, actually I think…”, or a similar phrase, listen to their suggestion, but then let
them know that you are the Dom and you make the decisions.  Of course they are not always going to act
perfectly or by the book, but tell them that this behavior is below your standards.

When they do go along with what you want make sure to give them praise.  It is OK to give your sub choices
every once in a while, but do not make it a habit of yielding to them.

Remember that regularly topping from the bottom brings manipulation into BDSM, and can mean there are
underlying issues in the relationship.  Life isn’t 50 Shades Freed. So review these examples, stay focused in
your role as a Dom or sub, and the power and control will remain healthy. 🖤

HOW TO PUNISH A SUB EFFECTIVELY

Every Dominant/submissive relationship should have punishments. After all, the “D” in BDSM stands for
discipline, and no sub is perfect.  Correction (even over text) is needed from time to time when they break
the rules.  But many Doms struggle with ideas for knowing how to punish.  And a sub can feel neglected
when it isn’t done in the proper way.
Here are some things to keep in mind for a punishment to be successful, and don’t forget to download your
free master list of ideas here.

Punishments need to have a reason

The main goal of any punishment is so the sub will learn from it.  The Dom disciplines to discourage
unacceptable conduct, and to ensure that the sub fully appreciates their role.  A sub should always know
why they are being punished.

In fact, it is good etiquette to say beforehand, “You are being punished because…” or to ask, “Why are you
being punished?”  This keeps the focus on the behavior that needs to change. That way the sub doesn’t feel
like it’s themselves that the Dom doesn’t like.

Punishments for littles can be for things a real Daddy would punish for: not cleaning their room, spending too
much time on their phone, etc.

The punishment should fit the crime

Failure to comply with any rules should always result in some sort of punsishment. The harshness should be
determined by the severity of the misdeed.  For example, if a sub waits 15 minutes to respond to a Dom’s
texts, an intense paddling would probably be too much.

For softer punishments my Dom likes to make me remove my panties for the day, or have me wear Ben Wa
Balls. (These punishments also work for long distance D/s relationships.)
On the other hand, if a sub has committed a major offense, corporal punishment will probably be required. 
Quite a few times I’ve made my Dom mad enough to make him spank me so long and hard that I’ve bawled
into my pillow.

Don’t go too soft when you punish

There is nothing worse than expecting a hard punishment and getting off with “a slap on the wrist”, or worse:
no punishment at all.  Some subs perform best when they are disciplined at least daily, others every other
day, or even once a week.
Look for patterns.  If a sub seems to stop trying so hard to please their Dom then a good punishment is
probably in order.  Again, we are all imperfect human beings and there is always some correction in behavior
that can be found.

Many Doms who are new to BDSM may hold back, fearing they are going too far, especially if a sub starts
crying.  But that is where trust in their safewords comes in.  If it gets too painful, physically, emotionally, or
mentally, a sub has the right to safeword.
One way to gauge how painful a punishmetnt is can be to make the sub count each time they are hit.  My
Dom usually will spank me five times, making me count after each one so he can tell in my voice if he is
going too hard or soft.  Another idea is to have the sub recite a phrase after each hit, like, “I am Daddy’s little
girl.”

Timing is crucial (even over text message)

Usually a sub knows when they mess up, and they dread the after-effects of displeasing their Dom. If the
Dom completely forgets to punish or even puts it off it is less affective.

Sometimes a little bit of time can grow the anticipation and force the sub to meditate on what they did, but
generally punishments should happen by the end of the day.  If it’s a long distance D/s relationship, and you
want to know how to punish a sub over text, still keep in mind the timing when administering discipline.
Anything later than a day misses the goal of teaching the sub so they will learn to never do it again.  It is like
waiting too long after your dog has an accident to rub their nose in it.  Subs need to see that their Doms care
enough about the relationship to take the time to discipline them.

BDSM punishment ideas

It needs to be emphasized that the subject of discipline should always be discussed beforehand to keep
things consensual and safe.  A written contract can list the types of punishments that are acceptable, and the
severity that is agreed on.
 Spanking-  My favorite I love to hate.  Usually done on the bed without clothes on.  Using the Dom’s bare hand
has the advantage of keeping the physical connection between both parties.  It also prevents him from doing serious
damage because he will have the pain in his hand as a gauge.
 Paddling-  Administered like a spanking but uses an object like an actual paddle, ruler, hair brush, etc.
 Whipping-  Belts can do serious damage so this is better when done lightly.
 Biting-  Usually done during a sexual encounter when a sub displeases the Dom.
 Delayed orgasm-  Either for a minute or a day, to remind a sub that their Dom has the power over their sexual
fullillment.
 Brazilian wax-  Making a sub get this done will only work if they don’t currently enjoy doing this.
 Get your free master list with 30+ more ways
So there you have it: the basics of BDSM punishments. Keep these suggestions and ideas in mind and your
D/s relationship will continue to fulfillment and bring greater fulfillment.

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO A SAFE BDSM LIFESTYLE

8 COMMENTS
In the BDSM community there is a saying: Safe, Sane, Consensual. Whether you are new to the Dom/sub lifestyle or
have been playing for a long time, this is the foundation for any relationship. You should always follow these three
principles and so should your partner.

Safe
There always needs to be a discussion of limits, both hard and soft.  Respect these at all times.  All effort
should be made to make a scene as safe as possible, especially for the Dominant setting it up.  Examples
include:
 Having scissors nearby to quickly cut ropes that are too tight, cable ties, etc.
 Agreeing beforehand a safe gesture instead of a word if choking is acceptable.  And if the gesture involves the
arms/hands, having these free at all times during choking.
 Taking steps to avoid severe burns and fires during wax play.
Of course there are MANY more safety issues but the point is they need to be communicated, identified, and
prevented.  Nobody wants an embarrassing visit to the emergency room or to have to call the fire
department.

Sane
Both the Dom and the sub should be adults in a sound state of mind.  Even though BDSM is a form of
therapy for some, if there are severe mental health issues present make sure to address them with a
professional. Also under the principle of “Sane”: Don’t do anything stupid! For example, if you want to play
rape, don’t kidnap your partner in public and attack them. You will most likely end up in jail.

Consensual
This is probably the core of BDSM and what many vanillas  cannot wrap their heads around.  All parties
involved need to WANT this. Even with consensual non-consent there should be a prior discussion. 
Hopefully this involves a contract or at the very least safewords. No one should ever reluctantly practice BDSM
just to make someone else happy.  From simple kink to Total Power Exchange, from playful spankings
to hardcore punishments, EVERYTHING has to be consensual.
Always keep and respect the three principles of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) .  They are what separates
BDSM from criminal abuse or neurotic self-destructive behavior.  Have fun but make sure to always play
responsibly. 🖤
BDSM LIMITS: LEARN WHAT’S HARD AND SOFT
LEAVE A COMMENT
Limits are a topic that is sure to come up in any Dom/sub relationship or contract negotiation. Even if you
don’t have a BDSM partner yet, it’s good to have your boundaries clear in mind so you’ll be prepared when
you’re ready to start playing. But what exactly is the difference between hard and soft limits? Here, we’ll
define what limits can mean for you, and I’ll even give you some examples.

Why have limits in BDSM?

Having limits while engaging in BDSM allows the submissive to explore their sensuality safely.  They never
have to be afraid that their Dom is going to do something they don’t want, or will hurt them physically or
mentally.  They can give up all control, and be free from making the decisions. Dominants benefit from set
rules also because it takes the guess-work out of what their sub will and won’t do. Both individuals will be
able to completely let go, and fully enjoy living the lifestyle.
There are two kinds of limits- soft vs hard:
Soft
These are things that the sub maybe interested in but is hesitant about exploring.  You cannot assume that
just because someone has agreed to be a submissive that they are OK with everything. The boundaries of
soft limits are flexible as the Dom sees fit and the submissive agrees to push and expand slowly.  However,
once something has been decided upon (hopefully in a contract) it can be freely asked or demanded.  Get
your free Dom/sub contract here.
Some examples are: oral sex, swallowing semen, nipple clamps, spanking, flogging, being blindfolded, butt
plugs, gagging, wax play, and bondage with tape.
Another soft limit is the sub’s tolerance of receiving pain, which can be worked up slowly and with consent. 
Light bruises might be acceptable and tolerable, but permanent scars or marks may not be. Always discuss
what types of pain, punishments, and discipline are allowed, and the intensity and severity of each.
Hard
Both parties need to specify what they won’t do, and respect it.  Examples could be things like: choking, anal
sex, electro play, fisting, needles, suspension bondage, whipping, caning, fire play, and blood/urine/feces. Doms
can have boundaries too.  The point is, no one should be pressured to do something that they are
uncomfortable with.
Limits can change over time, and some can be more fluid than others.  For example, a sub may only be
comfortable with something like rimming on some occasions, but their Dom has to ask first.  And sometimes
boundaries can soften in the presence of alcohol, but even so, the Dom should always make sure the sub
really wants to and is giving their full consent.

Dom/sub requirement limits

Requirements are not always talked about online when discussing the subject of limits but they deserve to
be mentioned. These would be things that a partner has to have. It could be, “I need you to pull my hair
when we have sex in doggie style.”  Or, “If a punishment makes me cry, good aftercare is a must.”  Get your
free aftercare checklist here.
Remember: Safewords can help establish limits too. If a couple is exploring something new like anal
play, safewords can help guide the Dom as to what is acceptable and what is too far.  One of the roles of a
good Dom is to push the boundaries of their sub a little, to see what they are and aren’t OK with.

What to do if limits aren’t respected

If boundaries aren’t respected it really depends on the situation and the individuals involved. Sometimes for
a seemingly minor offense the Dom could be warned never to do that again. But for more major breaches of
trust, submissive always has the power to terminate the relationship.  And it’s always a good idea to discuss
beforehand the consequences of breaking a contract.
So as you can see, limits are for the benefit of everyone involved, and are in no way restrictive.  To make it
easier for you, try creating a list, either by yourself or with your partner.  Ultimately this will bring more
pleasure and trust to the relationship. 🖤

9 Warning Signs of a Fake Dom

1. They’re not dominant in their own life
To me, this is the biggest indicator if a Dom is ready to have a sub.  After all, if they can’t control their own
life, they’re not going to be able to control someone else’s.  They don’t need to be a CEO of their own
company or be a Christian Grey, but they should be a successful Alpha in their own realm.   A Dominant
needs to have their life together and be responsible. Then they can be responsible for someone else.
2. They’re new
I’m not saying that a good Dom can’t be new, but definitely exercise caution if someone has little or no
experience in the lifestyle.  It’s been my experience that a lot of fake Doms are newbies.  They just assume
they’re Dom, because they like to control people and want a girl to have sex with whenever they want. A lot
of times they’re also just basing their knowledge on what they’ve seen in porn, vs actual reality.  A real Dom
though, even a new Dom, will see this lifestyle as a whole lot of work on their part.
3.  Uses pet names
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been called “Princess” by guys I don’t know.  Using pet names like
Princess, Sweetie, or Kitten before they know the person isn’t just a red flag, it’s hugely disrespectful.  So is
a Dominant referring to themselves as Daddy or Master and expecting the other person to use those terms
too. Pet names should only be used when you’re in a relationship or both parties are comfortable with using
them.  When in doubt, ask permission first.
4.  They’re polyamorous
Polyamorous relationships are a lot of work and should not be taking lightly. Unfortunately, many “Doms” put
out there from the very beginning that they want more than one sub. They may use the lifestyle as an excuse
to sleep around.  They say things like, “I’m not like other Doms, my needs are very high and I need more
than one sub to fulfill them.”  A sub should never feel pressured to go along with a polyamorous relationship.
A Dom needs to prove they can take care of one sub before they expect to take another.
5.  They need money or gifts
These are usually scammers or “cat fish” types.  For example, they may really want to come visit, but need
money for the plane ticket first.  Or they outright ask for money or expensive gifts for the sub to continue their
“training” or prove their submission. I’m not talking about ethical financial domination, which usually comes
after a long history of trust. But just remember that it is the Dom’s job to support the sub, not the other way
around.
6.  Lies, cheats, or has other bad dominant traits
Lying or cheating are childish traits and not signs of someone with maturity and self-control.  If the dom is in
a relationship already, and their partner doesn’t know they’re seeing someone else, this is a huge red flag.
It’s selfish, and many will justify it because they’re not getting their needs met. A real Dom is more
concerned about giving than receiving though. They may say they have tried telling their partner they are
unhappy, but have they told their partner they are so unhappy that they have started cheating? A fake Dom
avoids facing responsibility for their actions, and it will be very hard for a sub to trust a dom who lies or
cheats.
7.  Doesn’t know or address BDSM basics
Many fake doms will say they’re experienced but don’t take the time with a sub to go
over limits, safewords, contracts, or training.  They may not even know what any of these terms involve.  They
might even make the excuse that since they are “experienced” they know what they’re doing and don’t need
to go over limits, etc.  This is disregarding the foundation of BDSM, that everything be safe, sane, and
consensual.  Every new relationship should at least have a discussion of the basics, and every sub has the
right to speak up.
8. Focuses only on sex
This is probably the most common red flag.  A fake dom may seem only interested in sex, or focus mostly on
sexual training. They may ask for nudes or sexual tasks right from the beginning for the sub to prove their
worthiness.  This isn’t to say that it’s wrong if a BDSM relationship is only sexual, or if a couple is only
Dom/sub in the bedroom.  But if a submissive is constantly wanting more than just a sexual relationship, it’s
time to reevaluate things.  Other warning signs that the dom is only interested in getting their sexual needs
fulfilled are if they give little or no aftercare.
9.  Uses intimidation with the sub
This can happen even in vanilla relationships and is a sign of abuse.  If a dominant keeps the sub from their
family and friends, or tells them they aren’t a “real” sub if they don’t do something, this is dangerous
manipulation.  A sub should also never be made to be fearful to use their safewords, and discipline
and punishments should never be given out of uncontrolled anger.
Other Dominant Red Flags
There are other warning signs that someone is a fake or bad dom, such as:

 Stops communication or pulls away without giving an explanation

 Uses the sub as a maid so they don’t have to pick up after themselves (a sub is not their mother)
 Always mentions they are an “experienced” Dom (they are probably trying to make themselves seem better than
they actually are)
 Extremely sadistic and takes scenes too far
 Sends d*ck pics
How to Spot a Fake Dom
The easiest way to spot a fake dom is to get them to talk and see what they’re thinking.  A good idea is to
ask them, “What does being a Dom mean to you?” Or “What does your training involve?”  Another thing a
sub can do is ask for references from other subs or members in the BDSM community.  If a Dom refuses to
give references or just says their past sub is “psycho”, that’s a red flag that they may be hiding something.

Fake Dom vs Real Dom Graphic

To make it easier for you to know how to spot a fake Dom, I created this graphic.  Feel free to share it to
encourage others to know the signs of a fake dom vs real Dom.

Unfortunately there are a lot of fake or bad doms out there, but the good news is that there a lot of real Doms
too.  I hope the biggest take away you get from this article is to use your instincts and trust your intuition.  
Submissives, please remember the warning signs to look for and don’t be afraid to speak up.  You don’t
have to settle, and you don’t deserve to.  And Dominants, know that being in this role is a big responsibility,
and commit to being a good example for others in the community.

BDSM RITUALS AND WHY YOU NEED THEM

11 COMMENTS
Rituals are an important part of any healthy BDSM relationship. They help the Dominant and submissive remember
their roles, and can be a way to stay centered and focused. But creating powerful and easy Dom/sub rituals (that don’t
fizzle out) can be challenging.  Read on to discover proven examples of D/s rules and protocols, and maybe pick up
some new ideas to transform your connection.
What are BDSM rituals?
Sometimes people will use the words rituals, rules, and protocols interchangeably but they are slightly
different. A BDSM protocol is a hard and fast rule usually listed in a D/s contract. A ritual is more of a way of
carrying out something. It almost always involves an action where the Dom prescribes a series of behaviors
for their pleasure and benefit.

Why have Dom/sub rituals?

Rituals are a way to discipline a sub.  They teach them obedience and submission and keep them in the right
frame of mind.  This is true for the Dom as well.  Sometimes if a sub has been allowed to act too bratty or is
topping from the bottom, a ritual can snap both parties back into their role.
I really enjoy my rituals and view them as almost solemn and spiritual.  When I perform a ritual it feels
somewhat ceremonial even.  I take pleasure in knowing I’m doing something my Daddy wants and that
makes him happy.

HOW TO CREATE A BDSM CONTRACT- FREE PDF

Before you begin any new Dominant/submissive relationship, it’s a good idea to have a contract.  It spells
out in detail what is expected of each person.  It also keeps things safe and consensual.  Even if you are
married to the person and are starting to enjoy BDSM together, a contract can make communication easier. 
Plus it’s incredibly sexy to discuss sexual rewards and punishments with each other.  Here are some things
to keep in mind, and don’t forget to download your free PDF contract here.

Your contract should be somewhat formal

Everyone has probably seen the “50 Shades of Grey” contract scene.  In the movie, Anastasia and Christian
amend the contract, discussing their hard and soft limits.  It’s done at his work, at an office table.
While your negotiations do not have to be this elaborate, it should be more than just a conversation.  If
you’re just talking about what you like and don’t like in bed, you’re basically having a regular vanilla
discussion.

Download my free PDF template as an example

My contract I have with my Dom is based on the one from “50 Shades of Grey”.  You can download a free
copy of the PDF template here.  While some may say the wording sounds cheesy, I get turned on by the
businesslike terminology.
Feel free to change things or add your own additions to the PDF.  It doesn’t include the food list because it
never appeared in the book or the movie, but you could always make your own.

What to include in a BDSM contract

A contract contains what both parties will and won’t do.  It clearly spells out the roles expected for each
person and what these involve.  It will also explain a sub’s availability: is this part-time, long distance, or
24/7?  Here is a list of other topics to include:

 Safewords
 Rules
 Hard Limits
 Soft Limits
 Punishments
Remember, this is your contract, make sure it contains anything you feel strongly about.

What do you do with it afterwards?

After a Dom and a sub sign a contract what happens to it?  It should always be accessible to both parties to
refer back to when needed.  After you sign it, you and your partner should both have a copy.  My Dom and
I keep ours in our bedroom nightstand.  I like having it close to us.  It reminds me that I’m bound to him.
Every few months or so, we bring it out and have a negotiation session.  We reread it together, reminding
both of us of our boundaries and expectations.  Usually nothing changes in it, but it helps us not forget our
roles.  And discussing it together always turns us on.
Everybody practicing BDSM should be free to have a contract. Create one with your partner and make sure
to go over it periodically together.  Even if you’re not currently in a relationship, it’s good to have one written
out. That way you already have a clear understanding of your own boundaries and expectations.  

How to Be a Dominant
The first time I ever found myself in a bedroom, surrounded by rope and in the presence of a willing girl, I will
confess I let the moment go to my head. I was 20 years old, she was eager to please, and I had absolutely
zero experience with neither rope play, nor acting like someone who was supposed to be "in control" of a
kinky situation. As such, we spent very little time talking about scenes and expectations, and plenty of time
getting hot and bothered by the prospect of playing master and slave. Or in the case of my mind, kidnapper
and victim.
Read: BDSM 101
It took all of five minutes of looking into what should have been a satisfying scene before she got a flat look
on her face, stopped squirming and sort of sighed. I asked her what was wrong, and she said "this isn't how I
pictured it. I wanted..." followed by a short description of a fantasy she had been dreaming about since she
was a teenager. As it turned out, my fantasy, which I had held for just as long, was the opposite. Overcome
with awkwardness, we just sat there, she restrained by some pretty terrible knots, and me feeling like the
jerk in the room because I hadn't stopped to ask her what she wanted. It ended up destroying the
relationship, all because nobody thought to speak up; we just blushed and giggled and launched into
something far beyond what our emotional comprehension could handle.
The lesson here? Communication.
One of the "traps" associated with being the dominant in a relationship (which becomes a common pitfall
with a novice Dom) is placing far too much emphasis on expectations and fantasies, without stopping to
consult or confer or even pay attention to the other person. We think "Dominant" and immediately fantasize
about power and control and exercising those desires, without acknowledging the reality: we are not the only
person here, we are not an actual master or kidnapper or whatever, but somehow that can get lost and we
assume that "Dominant" means just that, and the other person is just a replaceable prop that we are playing
with. And then, to make matters worse, we have the potential to get angry when said person voices an
objection - in this case a perfectly reasonable, nay, important gesture - and we react as such.

Lesson One: The Dominant Is Not (Really) In Charge

It doesn't need to be this way. Not at all, not ever, and especially not with someone who trusts you enough to
be "in charge" of a scene or fantasy. Because it must be emphasized repeatedly: as a Dominant you are not
in charge. At best, you are a co author in this story. As such, you need to be aware of your partner just as
much as yourself.
Do not be a dick. By all means use one, but do not abase yourself by acting like a slender watercraft trying to
go through a vast sea of genital emission. (In other words, "don't be a douche canoe." Seriously.)
We say this because it's easy to power trip as a Dominant during a scene, and there are altered states that
may happen to you (known variously as dom-space, top-space, other various terms). Now the power
dynamic is important here. As a dominant, you are deriving your sensual experience and potency from being
in that role. But being a Dominant isn't just calling yourself Master or Mistress and flogging someone. In fact,
being a dominant might not include any traditional elements of dominant play at all; it can reside in a look, a
facial expression, a heavy breath or a selection of choice words that evoke a sense of power, strength and
authority. But by and large, communication is the priority. A good dominant knows when to listen, when to
take action, and when to step back. This is just as important to you as it is to whoever you are with in the
scene, if not more so. The Dominant is the one who has to be in control not only of the scene, but of
themself ... at least for the duration of the scene. Your play partner is the one who is trusting you to be a safe
person and to create a safe space for them to express their own pleasures, their own pain, their own desires
and shadows. They are trusting your sense of control over yourself.

Self Control and Safety as a Dominant

The first part of this consideration is safety.
There's the obvious side of safety in kink and in sex in general: the submissive partner - whether known as
a bottom or other term - is trusting you with their physical safety. (And believe me, there's a whole
associated cluster of both power-triggered arousal, euphoria and fear that comes packaged in with it. Even
as a Dominant you can, and likely will, experience fear, anxiety, concern, and awkwardness. This is normal.
Trust me. It will happen to you eventually.)
Has contraception and safer sex been discussed? What tools will you be employing for this specific scene
and how can the scene be as physically safe as possible within those boundaries and within that context?
While both partners are responsible for ensuring the scene proceeds faithfully and properly, the Dominant
needs to be the one to remember to check in regularly during the scene, using the agreed
upon safewords and other methods of communication that were set up before the rope was even taken out
of its bag. (Seriously, before you even try to set a scene, you need to know how to end it. Communication is
key, even if a ball gag is in use.) Because once the scene begins and emotions are flying around,
endorphins pumping through the blood, and both of you are lost in your respective roles, things can sour
pretty quickly if both parties forget what they are doing. As a Dominant, you must be fully aware of your
actions and your partner's reactions. Always.
There should also be safety scissors if necessary, such as if you are doing any sort of bondage play, just in
case either partner start feeling a lack of circulation in their limbs - or need to be cut / untied immediately.
You may have heard the phrase "safe, sane, and consensual" when hearing about kink. That's a good one,
but I'd like to substitute that here with the guiding phrase we use: RACK.
RACK stands for risk-aware consensual kink, and is often used to describe situations in which some risk is
known. Perhaps your play partner is autistic, or under treatment for depression. Perhaps they get panic
attacks every now and then, and while they are eager to play, want to talk about what you can do if they start
getting a panic attack in the middle of playtime. Or - more visibly - perhaps you have back pain you need to
adjust for, or an old ankle injury. Other aspects of risk are included as well; with things like flogging, or hot
wax, or rope, where pain and pleasure are blending together, it's very possible to forget that you are in fact
causing harm for the sake of ecstasy. There's a line there can be crossed very very easily.

Read: Why Pain Makes Us Horny: The Process That Turns Pain Into Pleasure
Sexual risk is another factor included in the RACK system - from effects of prescribed antidepressants to
risks like STIs or pregnancy. It's not like you cannot participate in kink, but any risk does need to be
discussed and mitigated. How you discuss this, and what you decide to do, is up to you and your partner.
Sometimes it's just a few words, sometimes it's a longer conversation and sometimes a continuing dialogue
is needed. This ties in to the second point.

Dominants: Know Thyself

The second is personal: the prospective Dominant must be self-aware.
Skills and limitation awareness seem like a no-brainer, but in my partner Lily's early days as a Dominant, she
handled her tools awkwardly because she was afraid of them (she had baggage surrounding bondage and
gender roles). But once she unpacked her feelings about WHY she was handling her tools awkwardly, she
became a much more capable Dominant. It also helped that she habitually makes certain to handle her tools
herself first - feeling how the rope holds knots when tied to her arm or wrists first, for example - before
applying untested rope to her partner during play. But we've seen prospective Dominants who think that all
you need to be dominant is to shout at or threaten your partner, and have gear like chains or rope or a gag.
We all have read about a certain trashy novel that suggested that chains and cable ties are a good thing. No,
they're not. And an experienced Dom will know this. They will be familiar and comfortable with their toys and
tools. They will observe their subs and act according to what makes them feel comfortable. Dominants may
shout at their partners, certainly, but only within boundaries the partners set together.
This goes for faults just as it applies to Dominants knowing what their skills and limitations are. Dominance
contains all that too. Know thyself, the saying goes, and a Dominant should at least be on the journey to
know themselves and what they want in order to best provide, give, and nurture their submissives. If you're
interested in becoming a Dominant, you do not need to have all the answers, but you do need to be willing to
explore where your baggage came from, and what you can do about it. You need to take responsibility for
your own actions. Will you make mistakes? Yes, you're a human; people are going to make some mistakes
along the way, sooner or later. That's part of gaining experience and leveling up.
Now, this also means that if there are risk factors or hard limits you have, that you discuss them with your
prospective partners as well. Just because you are a Dominant in a relationship does not mean your partner
does not have agency or power. What would happen if you are sick? In hospital? Do you want your partner
to be able to look you in the eye and tell you something is wrong or that something you did or said bothers
them? Does the submissive partner - if the submission is outside the bedroom as well - have the agency to
make the choice to call after you, to send you a card, to pay any shared bills? If you are sick and cannot
meet a play date, is there any protocol or ritual to deal with that? Is there a protocol that will help you and
your partner feel secure? Does the submissive have the agency to leave you for another Dominant if your
time with them is not to the benefit of both parties?

All People Do D/s a Bit Differently

The third key thing to keep in mind as a Dominant is to be aware that people are all different.
Even if there are two Dominants using similar tools (say, both use flogging) who come from similar
backgrounds, they are still two distinct people. There are many types of dominance and submission play,
and Dominants also have different flavors, even if the tools they use are the same. What bothers one may
not bother another. What may be one person's hard limit may be a non-issue to someone else, and so on.
What that means is that you need to start at ground zero with communication and introspection for each and
every partner you play with.
One example of variation is what the Dominant is called and what language they might use. Some
Dominants prefer the use of particular terminology to address them, and the terminology itself may have
particular meaning. For example, a Dominant partner may insist on being called "Sir" - and with the first letter
capitalized to symbolically represent the power dynamic when in scene or discussing a scene. Another
Dominant may be simply "Jane," while another Dominant will not use their given name at all during a scene
but instead a title. Some Dominants pay very close attention to how some titles may be loaded with gender
norms and expectations, and/or with racial supremacy undertones. "Master" can carry very different
connotations than "Mistress" and unpacking those titles and feelings about them may be useful. Feel "Sir" is
too masculine for you and want to go by "Ser" instead? Sure. Really like how being called "Your Majesty"
makes you feel? Go right ahead. Don't want to use an honorific at all? Sure. Be your awesome self.
This goes for tools too. Just because a Dominant might use one particular tool does not mean every
dominant who uses that tool takes the same approach. For example, both of us (Lily and Alexis) use rope.
But when Lily dominates, she prefers to use more aesthetically pleasing ties and acts stern, but loving and
gentle. When I dominate, well, let's just say that there's something more primal there. The key thing is, we're
both on the same page, we've communicated about what works for each of us, and we've learned how to
treat each other in scenes. Being a Dominant is an evolving thing. It involves ongoing communication,
reflection and adjustment.

What Does a Real Dominant Look Like?

Contrary to what the erotica burning up e-readers around the world will tell you, not all Dominants wear
three-piece suits, own multi-billion dollar corporations, or turn their secretaries into their submissives from
the first interview. Books like that are fun to read and certainly get me all steamed up, but trying to find a
Dominant that fits that mold is nearly impossible.
Dominant people, because they can be male or female, cis or trans, come in every shape, size, color, sexual
preference, income bracket, education level and career. There is no perfect picture of a Dominant. The men
don't all wear suits. The women don't always wear leather or latex. Many Dominants I know are typically
found in jeans and t-shirts.
So, what does a “real” Dominant look like? In my experience – as someone who loves a Dominant and is
friends with others – they all have very similar traits. But here's the surprising thing: Not one of those traits is
physical.

Common Traits of a Real Dominants

Patience
A good Dominant doesn't rush into giving you commands from the moment you meet. If they do, it's likely a
test. Master M, a friend of mine and Domme (yes, she's female and yes, she uses the title “Master”), has
said many times that if she's giving a new potential submissive an order, it's to see if they have a backbone
and will stand up to her. Dominants are in no rush to have you bow and kneel before them. They want to get
to know you as a person first. (Learn more in 5 Ways to Spot a Good Dominant.)
Integrity
The best Dominants do what they say they're going to do. They're consistent in thought, speech and action.
You know where you stand with them. The reality is that you might not always like what you hear, but you
know you're being told the truth as they see it or they're doing what they think is best.
Responsibility
Real Dominants, the kind you can trust with your mind and body, understand that they have a responsibility
to their submissive. They take responsibility for their actions and their words. Sure, things can be said in
anger, but a Dominant with a strong sense of responsibility will own up to their mistakes and work to repair a
fractured situation.
Willingness to Learn
Dominants, even those in the lifestyle for many years, know they don't know everything. They also realize
they're capable of making mistakes. Good Dominants are constantly seeking new information, whether it's
about a new toy to try, a protocol to introduce, or simply a better way to handle the difficult situations that
crop up in any relationship. (Want to try your hand at domination? Read So, You Want to Be a Dominant? for
tips on how to get started.)
Communication
Any Dominant worth their salt knows the key to a successful D/s relationship is communication. They not
only want to share information and details with you, they also want you to share your thoughts, feelings and
needs with them. Based on your own relationship, how you communicate can vary wildly, but the ability is
always there.
Consent
No conversation about D/s is ever complete unless we discuss consent. Consent is, according to a Master I
know named Cade, not as simple as saying, “Yes.” Consent must be informed. Neither of you, Dominant or
submissive, is truly giving clear consent if you don't know what you're saying yes to. Clear consent means
understanding what's going to happen, what it will feel like, and what the result will be. (Read more in Yes!
Why Consent is Totally Sexy.)

What Other Dominants Say

Every kinkster, Dominant, submissive, top, or bottom is different. None of us are alike, and we come from all
walks of life. I reached out to three male Dominants that I trust (one of whom is my own partner) for their
take on being a Dominant.
Tom Wolf is married to his submissive and lives in the northeastern United States. Sir Franco Bolli is dating
his Princess and lives in Antwerp. Southern Sir shares a bed and home with me as the Daddy Dom to my
babygirl self, after more than a year in a long-distance relationship. All three have very different ways of
expressing their Dominance, but they also have very clear similarities.

What Makes You Feel Most Dominant?

Tom Wolf
“When I feel in control is when I feel most dominant. Sometimes you enter into a situation or scenario, and it
just flows. When that happens, it's euphoric. My brain is abuzz with positive energy, and it's likely the time
when I'm most relaxed. But Doms aren't perfect. When I don't get it right, I used to panic to try and get things
even keeled. Now, age and wisdom prevail, and I will admit a momentary point of panic when the reality of
not being in control presents itself.

What I've learned is that it's not the missteps or blunders that define you, but how you recover from them,
including admitting an error. It's in that recovery that you garner respect for maintaining composure through
being nimble on your feet with the right elixir to remedy the situation. It's in that moment that your presence,
or how others feel about you, which defines your dominance, generates respect and produces that brain-
buzz that drives me harder.”
Sir Franco Bolli
“On a date, Princess loves it when I am completely in charge, leaving her with hardly any responsibilities so
she can completely let go and enjoy. I love being an old-school gentleman Dom.
Princess and I love rough sex. Choking, hair pulling, biting, and I often use all I’ve got to pin her down, force
her down like I’m kind of raping her. That, too, is about Dominance.”
Southern Sir
"We have a number of rituals and protocols in our relationship. The one that stands out the most to me is in
the evening after the boys are in bed, Kayla will make me a cup of coffee. She just won’t hand it to me, she
kneels down and offers up the cup to me. That act fills me with so much love for her knowing that it is me
she kneels for.”

What Gives You the Most Joy or Satisfaction as a Dominant?

Tom Wolf
“I get extreme pleasure from the smiles of those who are happy to have made their decision to follow. Oh,
and from giving relentless sexual pleasure to my submissive, lol.”
Sir Franco Bolli
“The trust. And the love, passion and submission I receive from Princess. Taking care of Princess, protecting
her, helping her grow. Being given the opportunity to take a part of her life in my hands.”
Southern Sir
“Watching my babygirl grow, and by this I mean reaching for her dreams. Everyone has dreams, but to
watch her reaching for them and to see them coming to life for her gives me an overwhelming feeling of joy.”

What Advice Do You Have for Those New to the Lifestyle?

Tom Wolf
“Trust more, judge less. Love more and exercise patience, forgive mistakes. Open your mind, explore
boundaries, free your soul. Beware of phonies and posers. They will suck the life out of you without you even
knowing it.
Read and research a lot. And then do some more. Tools of the kink can be disfiguring or deadly in the wrong
hands. Understand their intended purpose, predicted outcomes, and pleasure to both the giver and receiver.
But whatever you do, do it in the name of respect. Your dignity and respect are the only things you will ever
have that are nearly impossible to recover once lost.”
Sir Franco Bolli
“Every story is a different one and each has other players with their own pasts, wishes and so on. D/s is a
lifestyle that can be implemented in so many different ways. There is no one size fits all.

I guess my most important advice would be: talk. Communication is everything and it means not only talking
but, equally important, listening.”
Southern Sir
“Ask questions, find the local munch in your area, meet people that live the lifestyle. Find the people that
have been a part of it for the last 25 - 30 years and ask them questions, watch them, learn and grow.”
Did you notice that no one advised ordering a total stranger to kneel, call them 'Sir' or otherwise act
submissive from the first few moments? The people who do that aren't good Dominants. Some are simply
posers and abusers looking for new victims. Others are uneducated or too arrogant for their own good,
sometimes a combination of both. Avoid them at all costs."

5 Ways to Spot a Good Dominant

There are a number of questions that people new to the BDSM lifestyle, both Dominant and submissive,
would like to know about the scene. One of the most prevalent questions that submissives have is what we
should do when we’re considering a Dominant to engage in a D/s relationship. Below, I’ve listed five ways to
spot a good Dominant. If your Dominant is missing more than one of these things you should probably
consider looking elsewhere.

They Must Be Willing to Negotiate the Parameters of the Relationship

Believe it or not, there are a number of Dominants that I find, both on Fetlife and out in the real world, that
claim that if they’re in a relationship with a submissive, anything they say goes. This strips the submissive of
their rights and bodily autonomy. Submission is a gift, one that should be cherished and honored within the
context of the relationship. Find someone who honors and respects you, not just someone who dominates
you.

They Honor the Needs and the Boundaries of Their Submissive

Just because someone is a Dominant doesn’t mean that they can do anything they want to a submissive. As
stated above, many Dominants have a "my way or the highway" type of attitude that can lead to emotional or
psychological damage. If they do push your boundaries physically, you could end up damaged and scarred
for life. If they hurt you emotionally, you could end up in therapy for the rest of your life. If they seem more
interested in what you can do for them (to a point this is completely normal) and never mention or continue
to push your needs to the side, it’s time to find another relationship

They Get to Know Their Submissive

I’m not going to say that relationships that form quickly can't end in happily ever after. While this happens in
both the vanilla and BDSM world, D/s relationships should be met with a degree of caution and should be
approached very slowly. That’s to say, you guys each need to understand each other much like you would if
you were dating. Keep in mind this is how relationships begin and deepen in the real world, but it goes much
deeper than that in the lifestyle. Your Dominant shouldn’t only play with you twice and consider either of you
long-term relationship material. Instead, they should be vetting you, grooming you, and testing you to
determine if you’re a right fit for them. Anything less would indicate recklessness on their part. Recklessness
isn’t a good trait to have in a Dominant.

They Should Be Studious and Always Willing to Hone Their Craft

This is exceedingly important. How else would a Dominant, especially a new one, learn their craft if they
don’t do any reading, practice, or at least attempt to find a mentor for themselves? This leads to a number of
problems for the submissive, including stagnation (you can’t grow if your Dominant refuses to grow), willful
ignorance and, in the case of practicing with implements, the potential danger of harm to the submissive’s
mind and body. If you sense that the Dominant isn’t attempting to progress in any capacity, both within and
outside of the relationship, you should work on finding a new one.

They Consider Safety in All Things Within and Outside of the Relationship
A deep D/s relationship is more than your Dominant writing up a contract, spanking you every once and
awhile, and ordering you around. In many ways a Dominant is a protector, and should be concerned about
the submissive's safety both in the scene and outside of it. They should meet the new and old people you
hang around with, and get to know other Dominants you go to play parties with. They should check in on you
after a scene, and provide for you when you’re sick. This may seem self explanatory, but the Dominant has
to be invested in caring for you, just like you take care of them, when you decide to deepen your relationship.
Hopefully, when you follow these guidelines, you’ll know what to look for when attempting to find a
Dominant. D/s relationships are unique, but they're still relationships and should include all the care and
respect you'd expect from anyone you spend time with.
How to Have Multiple Orgasms
While you can try to undertake this process with a partner, we highly recommend making this a solo venture.
Having a partner involved can make you feel rushed, or even when your partner has the best of intentions,
they may stop stimulation right before a critical moment - if only because their hands are beyond tired. Once
you start to make headway in your multiple orgasm adventure, you can always invite them in!

So, let's get started with how to have multiple orgasms:

1. Start with Foreplay
An important key to achieving multiple orgasms is great, extended foreplay. In fact, a lot of people find it
near-impossible to enjoy multiple orgasms without great foreplay beforehand. Engage in fantasies, pursue
your favorite arousal triggers, and lavish the experience. Slowly build yourself up to the strong arousal we
need for the next phase. Masturbate, fantasize, watch videos, read, or whatever you tend to do to get
yourself into a very aroused state.
If you have a favorite sex toy, now is the time to pull it out! Don't have a favourite? May we recommend
the LELO SONA 2 Cruise? This dreamy vibrator uses sonic waves that stimulate deep into the clitoris. It's
the perfect tool for vulva-owners looking to ride the multiple orgasm wave.
2. Ensure Strong Arousal
Like we said, strong arousal is really important for delving into multiple orgasms. After all, you want to start
from the peak of arousal before attempting to "ride the waves" of orgasm after orgasm. Whatever your
strongest point of arousal is, we recommend you start there before hitting your first orgasm.
3. Orgasm
Orgasm number one, here we come!
4. Continue Stimulation
This is the most vital part of having multiple orgasms. If you have a single orgasm and stop stimulation, your
body will naturally start to wind itself down. If you're hoping to experience additional orgasms, you need to
ensure that you continue the sexual touching and stimulation.

That being said, a lot of people find stimulation after orgasm to feel too intense - especially with direct
stimulation to the penis or the clitoris. If that's the case, try to move the stimulation to a less-sensitive spot.
Consider rubbing broad circles around the entire vulva or playing with the testicles or inner thighs.
Broad vibrators, like the LELO GIGI 2, can work fantastically for going from targeted stimulation to broad
wide-area stimulation. Give your body a couple of minutes to recover from the post-orgasm severe sensitivity
- and then you can dive back into the stimulation!
5. Slowly Build to Orgasm Again
Once you're back to stimulation, your body might naturally crawl back to the point of orgasm. If it does, that's
awesome! If you're not feeling it, that's okay too! We highly recommend continuing a high level of mental
arousal as you try this process too.
Whatever you normally use to facilitate arousal, we suggest you stick with it. Find your favorite porn videos.
Enjoy your favorite fantasies. Target your most-pleasurable spots. This is the time to ensure your brain stays
focused on luxuriously sensual sex to build you back into another orgasm.
6. Orgasms Two Through ?
The build-up may lead to another orgasm. If so, yay! Feel free to rinse and repeat as much as you'd like. If
not, see some of our additional tips below.

Keep in mind, if you're still new to attempting to try multiple orgasms (instead of just leaving it as a single
orgasm!), your body might take awhile to figure out what's going on. Humans are extremely adaptive -
including with sexual activity. So if you're body is used to "orgasm then nap-time", it might take a bit to train it
otherwise. Don't become frustrated as you slowly start your journey.
Read: 6 Tips to Help You Achieve Multiple Orgasms (Just Like Me)
How to Select a Good Multiple Orgasm Sex Toy
You could try to use any old sex toy you have lying around for your multiple-orgasm journey, but we always
recommend a bit of care when selecting a toy for this type of play. Having multiple orgasms takes a lot of
reliable stimulation, a longer timeframe than just one orgasm, and the ability to switch intensities on the fly.
Here are some tips we recommend for sex toys for multiple orgasms.
1. Make Sure It's Reliable
Your ideal sex toy for multiple orgasms should reliably get you to orgasm. (Makes sense, right?) Whatever
that toy looks like will depend on your personal preferences.
Is it a g-spot vibrator like the LELO MONA 2? Is it a vibrating sleeve like the LELO F1s? Just make sure the
toy you choose can reliably - and somewhat easily - get you to orgasm.
2. Get a Toy With Multiple Pleasure Levels
Ideally, you also want a sex toy that offers incremental sensation. This means you can ramp it up to achieve
that orgasm - but then take it down to a lower intensity right after orgasm as you build into another orgasm.
Luckily, most modern sex toys are built with multiple speeds or intensities.
Need help picking one out? All LELO vibrating and moving sex toys offer multiple levels of stimulation.
Before you dive into pleasure, make sure you learn how to easily control those levels of intensity too! There's
nothing more frustrating than being unable to control your toy in those pivotal movements!
3. Not too Powerful
On the other hand, a sex toy that's TOO powerful might not be a good fit either. If you can orgasm within
seconds of touching the toy, you're going to find yourself overstimulated (and probably really uncomfortable!)
as you try to wring more orgasms from your body. Finding a toy that's extremely pleasurable on its highest
setting while teasingly erotic on its lowest is the happy medium we're going for.
4. Check the Battery Life or Have a Second Option
Depending on how long your masturbatory session might take, battery life can quickly become an issue. A
toy with a 20-minute battery life might not be a great fit for a long, extended, multiple-orgasm session - and
there's nothing more frustrating than a vibrator that dies right before your next powerful orgasm.
We recommend finding a vibrator with at least an hour's charge (LELO toys all go an hour or longer!) to
ensure that your drawn-out session isn't interrupted with a dead battery. Don't forget to charge your vibrator
to full before starting your session!
5. Think About Your Toy's Waterproof Capabilities
Does your body squirt? Are you concerned about accidentally squirting - and potentially ruining a sex toy?
This type of anxious thinking is only going to get in the way of your pleasure journey. With a whole world
of waterproof sex toys out there, you don't need to worry about such things. Just make sure your sex toy can
handle any liquid output.
Watch: Video: How to Charm a Clitoris
Troubleshooting Those Multiple Orgasms
After trying the above steps with a multi-orgasmic vibrator, are you finding some difficulty in achieving
multiple orgasms? First off, it's a-okay if your body doesn't "do" multiple orgasms. There's nothing wrong with
you. Every body isn't programmed the same. If your body doesn't fall into multi-orgasmic ways, don't take it
out on yourself.
As a lot of mainstream media touts "multiple orgasms" as the highest level of achievement, we know it can
be hard, but your body is unique in its own ways, and for some people, multiple orgasms aren't in the cards -
or are just plain unpleasant if you can achieve them.

However, sometimes your body IS capable - but it needs to work past your pre-trained masturbation
methods into something that works best for you.
1. Practice Patient Self-Exploration
While it seems unnecessary, having some self-exploration - especially of the sexual kind - can really help
with achieving multiple orgasms. Turns out, our brains are an integral part of the multi-orgasmic process. If
your brain is worried about time, concerned that it won't be able to do it, or so solely focused on achieving
another orgasm that you aren't able to enjoy the sensations, you can literally "orgasm block" yourself. That's
no fun!
Instead, we recommend practicing patient self-exploration instead of making multiple-orgasms the goal.
Explore your body. Find new spots. After you orgasm, if you feel like continuing, see what happens if you
keep touching. We know it sounds counter-intuitive, but don't make the focus of your session on achieving
multiple orgasms; it can actually work against you.
2. Try New Sensations
We know that we recommended sticking to "tried and true" methods before, but if you find that the "tried and
true" methods aren't reliably providing the multiple orgasms you're looking for, you might need to branch out.
Some people find that some unexplored types of stimulation provide just the type of pleasure they needed to
really "push themselves" into new ranges of orgasm.
Some people especially find that deep penetration (or quick, targeted thrusts) might help push their body into
multiple orgasms. A targeted, automated g-spot toy, like the LELO MONA Wave, or p-spot toy, like the LELO
LOKI Wave, can be fantastic options to explore.
3. Breathe and Relax Throughout
When approaching climax, a lot of us tense up and even forget to breathe! Some Tantric practitioners,
teaching multi-orgasmic bliss, highly recommend focusing on breath and relaxation throughout your orgasm
- and the stimulation afterwards. Next time you masturbate, pay attention to what brings the waves of
pleasure throughout your body as you enjoy it. You'll notice that it likely lines up with tensing and releasing of
the pelvic floor muscles. This is absolutely normal!
If your body is already tensed up (from attempting to achieve multiple orgasms or just from continued
pleasure), it doesn't allow your body to "tense up and release" any further. For a lot of people, this muscle
movement is a vital part of the process. So while it sounds counter-intuitive (yet again!), we recommend
breathing, relaxing, and focusing on keeping your body relaxed to allow the orgasmic process to take hold all
over again.
Want more advice on how to achieve multiple orgasms? Check out LELO's Guide on Multiple Orgasms!

A Final Note
While multiple orgasms can be amazing and some people swear by them, we, again, want to reiterate how
important it is to be okay with not having multiple orgasms. Some people's bodies weren't designed that way
- and some people just don't enjoy it. There's a mainstream cultural focus on multiple orgasms being the
"pinnacle" of sexual experience - especially for people with vaginas - and we think it needs to stop. However
your pleasure happens - with an orgasm, no orgasm, or lots of orgasms - it's still your pleasure, and that's
what we need to focus on. Your pleasure is unique to you - and that's what makes sex so amazing.

So get out there, keep masturbating, and make us proud by enjoying whatever form your pleasure takes!
Disciplina:
Every Dominant/submissive relationship has to have discipline and punishments. After all, no sub is perfect.
Correction is needed from time to time when they break the rules. Doms need to know how to punish effectively
though, because subs can feel neglected when it isn’t done in the proper way.

S- Submission (Sub)
Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle. However, many submissive beginners are lost. They don’t know what
the role entails. Many times they are just looking for someone to fix them, to make them feel more complete. In all
honesty though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. Make sure you know what it truly
means to be a good sub.

S- Sadism
Sadism involves getting pleasure form inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on someone else. When practicing
sadism, always keep and respect the three principles of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual). This is what separates BDSM
from criminal abuse or neurotic, psychopathic behavior. Have fun, but make sure to always play responsibly.
Challenges to being Dominant
Doms are not perfect; they will mess up from time to time.  They can still apologize without appearing weak
by just admitting what they did wrong and what they will do to fix it.  Doms shouldn’t lose their temper.  They
can get mad and angry but they should always strive to be in control.  Another challenge a Dom may face is
going against society’s rules of being kind and gentle towards women.  They’re supposed to be the “nice
guy.”  Many men find it hard to be assertive in bed because of this.  They may feel guilty always taking, but a
Dom needs to remember that subs want and need to be used sexually.  That doesn’t mean that a Dom can’t
be giving in bed, but just being more assertive in that part of the relationship will help them fulfill their role. 
Ways a Dom can do this are:

 Holding their sub down during sex

 Tying up their sub in bed so they are restrained
 Telling their sub what to do sexually instead of asking
 Delaying their sub’s orgasm to show they are in control of it
One challenge my Daddy said he had to overcome was being afraid he was being too strict and hard on me
with punishments.  To be honest I don’t think he’s ever gone too far.  I know that if I ever did feel that way
that is what safewords and my journal are for.  If anything, I think I get off too easily sometimes.