Hello Abigail!

Aqui é a teacher Gaby da equipe do Preparatório Eli Sato! Sua redação está no caminho
certo, você faz bastante uso conectivos e outras formas verbais, além de mostrar entender bem
sobre construção gramatical e a estratégia que deve usar. O único probleminha aqui, foi o mesmo
das redações passadas. Procure sempre que fizer a revisão, dar uma olhada se as informções que
você colocou estão explicadas e detalhadas. Sempre ocorre uma falta de desenvolvimento, é
necessário que você invista um pouco mais de tempo no seu planejamento e revise se colocou todas
as informações importantes, não deixando pontas soltas ou motivos sem explicações, por exemplo
no 4° parágrafo: em que não ter a família e os amigos por perto influencia no processo de
amadurecimento? Eu sei que a resposta parece um pouco óbvia, mas quando se trata das redações,
é preciso deixar tudo bem efecificado, sem deixar nenhuma pontinha solta! Outra coisa, um errinho
que notei é que você come bastante é no uso do to ou ing. É um tópico que envolve algumas
regrinhas, então sugiro que de uma olhadinha na internet, assim você consegue evitar esses
errinhos!

Many students choose to complete at least some part of their university studies in a
foreign country. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience

A large number of students prefer to finish a portion of their studies in another country.
From my point of view, there are more benefits than disadvantages of students studying abroad. (To
complete) Completing all the university studies in a native country may make the students more
comfortable, also, it’s easier moreover cheaper, however, having an opportunity to go to a foreign
country, brings to students(‘s) good opportunities after completing the university, for example
learning a different language, also a new experience to their lives.

In the first place, finishing studies in a native country might be practical for students, they
don't need to concern about the documents like visa that (is) are needed to travel abroad, second
doing their (activities studies) studies’ activities could be easier, because everyone at university
speaks their native language. Finally, (don't go) not going to another country (it's) is a way to save
money, considering there are a lot of expenses to study abroad.

The main advantage (to study) studying abroad, (it's) is that after (when) they complete the
studies, at least in Brazil, (to have) having on curriculum the information that you had studied in
another country shows that you (know) speak another language, it is (so) important to get a very
nice job and start to grow a big career in an important company.

In addition, students who go to a foreign country have a new experience of meeting other
cultures, going to other cities and also this can make them (to be) more mature, because it's a time
that they are alone without family and friends.

In conclusion, there are a lot of students that prefer to study part of their university studies
abroad, this may be a good opportunity (to) for them to build a very good career after the studies,
but also to learn a new language and have an opportunity to meet other cultures, people and places.