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Aqui é a teacher Gaby! Assim como a anterior, sua redação ficou muito boa, você demonstra
ter um grande domínio na construção gramatical, os errinhos que você comete são poucos e
simples, acredito que com as correções você consiga perceber algo que precisa mudar e as coisinhas
que erra com mais frequência. É muito importante que você continue focando em utilizar diferentes
tempos verbais, mas não esqueça dos conectivos, eles também contam bastante, vou deixar alguns
aqui que acredito que podem ser bem úteis!
entre ( )= erro/apagar
em azul = correção/adicionar
Zoos should be banned because it's cruel to keep wild animals in captivity. What extend do
you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some people believe all zoos (could= poderiam; dá sentido de possibilidade, talvez) should
be closed, because maintaining wild animals in detention is brutal. It is my belief(,) that all animals
need to live in their own habitat, today animals are treated like an entertainment in society. I think
there should exist a law prohibiting new zoos and closing all (zoos that) the ones that already exist,
it is not good to keep (them= esse them se refere aos zoos) animals prisoned.
In the first place, wild animals (never should take) should never be taken away from their
homes, their natural habitat needs to be preserved for all animals to have a good life, I believe it is
important to preserve(d) the nature of all species and do not take (away) them away (and) to bring
to any zoo. Usually, when they are captured, they haven't come together with their families and
some animals get used to live together with a group for the rest of their lives.
Second, there should exist a project to ban(nned) all expositions of animals, it will help to
reduce pain in all animals and bring them back (them) to the nature. Nowadays we have seen in
some zoos(‘s= indica posse ou abreviação de has) presentations with humans and wild animals
together, it(‘s) might be dangerous to humans and even to animals, we have seen news about
people dying when (it's) they are put together with (wild= muito repetitivo) these animals,
(definitely it should be banned) they should definitely be banned.
Additionally, a law prohibiting new zoos around world should help with the existence of wild
animals, we need to start (to work) working to preserve their lives, they are very important to our
world, a lot of species (is) are in danger (to disappear) of disappearing sooner than we expect, if we
don't do anything about it, in the future some animals will be gone.